This is the FREE copy of the popular underground book on adultery.

All copyright privileges apply to it and no reproduction of it is authorized on any site or in

any form without prior written permission from the author or Dead Dog Publishing.
The author can be reached via email at [email protected].

This book is being offered free in PDF format in lieu of the follow up book, no book on this
subject can be contained in just one volume and the first book contains crucial information
and concepts need for understanding the more advanced games and methods employed in the
next book. If you wish to receive a printed copy of this book you can still order it.

WWW.CHEATMANUAL.COM

The information is on the cheat manual website. Buy a copy for a friend who needs it, help
the author and someone you care about. Now some things you need to know.
This book and the information contained in it have been employed in several manners which
are both powerful and creative. One reader keeps a copy of it in her nightstand. It has made
her boyfriend very nervous and I'm sure given him a few second thoughts about cheating on
her. Another reader, a seven year mistress, successfully used the concepts in the book to get
the man she wanted to leave his wife and move in with her. Others of course have seen the
three different levels the book is written on and used them for greater personal control of
their own lives. And yes some readers use it to get away with adultery while others have used
it to nail their cheating spouse, recognizing their husbands weaknesses and using them
against those spouses.

It is nearly impossible to read this book and not walk away without learning something new
or a concept that can benefit you. I say nearly because some of you out there will never grasp
the complexities of this book unless it was illustrated and written in style consistent with a 6
year old and a box of crayons. If you are one of those people…stay faithful, reading this
book will only cause you heartache and brain damage.

Sincerely

Otto M.
 The Manual
of
How to Cheat on Your Wife
By: Otto Mendalsmirsh

Caveat Lector

Produced by Dead Dog Publishing Virginia Beach, Virginia

 The Manual
of
How to Cheat on Your
Wife
By: Otto Mendalsmirsh

Published by:
Dead Dog Publishing
P.O. Box 65435
Virginia Beach, VA 23467-5435

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any
information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except
for brief quotes in a review.

Printed in the United States of America

Copyright © 2002

ISBN: 0-9721995-0-0

Editor: Grace Ann Neff

1-24 34-21 15-330

 Forward

This Book is being written as anonymously as possible. I make no claims as to my personal

education, my profession, my gender, my name, or my sexual orientation. This book was
created with the support of mostly women, believe it or not. I wish to thank them for their
understanding, guidance, and wisdom in helping me tackle such a large and intense subject as
the one contained in these pages. My goal in the making of this manual was to create the
most dangerous book in the world for a man who is cheating on his wife. It was the only way
to assure that the information these pages hold was useful to a wayward husband. I believe
this book has the potential to do far more good than harm. It can help a man shield what he
holds most dear to him, and it can help a woman answer the questions she most fears to ask.
If this subject or the content contained makes you uncomfortable while reading about it…

Just remember this bit of wisdom I was given once upon a long time ago:
"If ya can’t handle the heat...don't go to hell."

Now for the legal disclaimer: Everything in this book is merely an opinion of mine, by me,
for me, to me, through me, even though it’s been thoroughly researched and is supported by a
myriad of facts.

If you happen to be a smoke Nazi in California, please don't buy this book. I want you to get
caught because you need realize there are more important things in life to worry about than
second hand smoke.

If you are a woman reading this book please be wary of the possibility that some behaviors
may be normal and not indicative of an affair. If you need to know, get proof prior to
confrontation.

New information, copies of the book, and products are available at the website:

WWW.CHEATMANUAL.COM
 Index

Anatomy Class 4
Desire and Justification 4
Time 7
Road Blocks 10
54 Clues to Tip Her Off 13
Opportunity 15
Risk 18

Ground Work 20
Five Basic Points 20
Safe Sex 22
Bugs & Stealth Bugs 22

Introductions To Reasons For Affairs 25

It's All About Sex 29
Only as Directed 31
The Beginning Is The End 31
Warship 32
“KOBAYASHI MARU” 32
The Art of War 33
Deconstruction 34
Threat Assessment 34
Boiling a Frog 35
Arguing 35
Eat your Cake, and Have it Too 36
Point the Finger That Way 36
Self Toxification 37
Don't Be A Dick 37
Private Investigators 38

The Stuff of Science 41

Telling Gene 41
It's So Small 42
Biofeedback 42

Computer stuff 42
Cookies and Cache 43
Archive Files 45
What You Think You Know 46
Tweak UI 47
Deleting Files 48
Email 48
Firewalls 48
“Spector” and Key Loggers 49
I
Hide And Seek: The Find Feature 49
White Font 50
All That Glitters 50
Passwords, Encryption, and Embedding 51
Passwords 51
Alzheimer's For Applications 52
Encryption 52
PGP (Pretty Good Privacy) 52
GnuPG 53
Pictures Worth A Thousand Hidden Words 53
Invisible Secrets 3 54
File Extensions 54
To Tell or Not to Tell…The Truth 54
Basic Computer Maintenance 55
Into Practice 55

Sales Stuff 56
The Foundation of All Things Sales 56
Auditory 57
Visual 57
Kinesthetic 58
How You Look 59
How You Say 59
What You Say 60
Mirroring 60
Leading 61
The Close 61
Question 61
Feel, Felt, Found 62
Focus 63
The Alternative Choice Close 63
Silence and the Pregnant Pause 64
Buying Time 64
Can You Do Me A Favor? 65
Emotional Magnification 65
Temperature 66

Touch 66

Body Language 67

Selecting a Mistress 72
Affairs Are Not Real 75
Homosexual and Bisexual Affairs 75
In Her Eyes 76
Perfection 77
Mistress Maintenance 77

II
In The Beginning 77
Honesty 78
THE LIES 79
If Only… 81
I Wish 81
Reality Checks 81
The Cover Story 81
Special Note to Politicians 82
Disinformation 83
Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation 83
Eight Traits of The Disinformationalist 84
Traits 86
Language Loopholes 88

Games Introduction 88

Games Women Play 89

The Game of Chess 89
The Game of Guilt 90
Sexual Barter/Sexual Weaponry 92
Fire and Ice 92
Hard to Catch 93
The Jeckle and Hyde Game 94
Miss Independence 94
Tears 95
Specialized Vocabulary/Traps 96
Definitions of Women's Language 96
The Promise of Better Sex 99
For a Limited Time Only 99
Bathing 100
Shaving 100
Cuddling 100
Flirting 100
Cooking 101
Pregnancy 101
Ultimatum 104
Random Unexpected Sex 104
The Incessant Accusation 104
Live or Memorex? 105
The Use of Spies 105
Mistress Games 111
Introductions Are Out of Order 111
Schedule checking 111
The Innocent Comment 112
Wounded Dove/Damsel in Distress 112
But I LOVE You 112
Analyze It To Death 112
Making A Mark 112
Plausible Deniability 113
III
Acts to Revelation 114
It's Over 114
Games Men Play 115
Preying on Hope 117
Superman/White Knight 117
Misdirection 118
Ivan the Conqueror 119
Guilt 119
Sympathy game 120
Bad Bob 120
Pushing the Envelope 121
I'm Single 121
Withholding of Affection 121
Bribery Game 122
Dependency Game 122
Legally Addicted Forever 123
Marking Territory 124
No Single Sinners 125
End Games 125
Not So Nice Things 126
A Mighty Pen 126
Poison the Pool of Knowledge 127
Hypnosis 127
Things To Watch Out For 129
Warning Alarms 129
Night Court 129
Fishing Expedition 130
Outrageous 131
Pleading to a Lesser Charge 131
The False Confession 132
Passive/Aggressive 133
Missed the Mark…Again! 133
Telemarketer Tattletales 134
Menstrual Matching 134
Quick Review 135
General Mistakes 135
Crumbling the House of Cards 139

IV
If You Are Discovered & Termination
of Affair Procedures 139
Pain Causes Pain 141
Buyers Remorse 141
A Glimpse Through Her Eyes 142
Counseling 142
Excuses 143
Explanations 143
Apology 144
The CB-2000 solution 144
Termination of the affair 144

The Last Word 146

Suggested reading 147

V
In the glorious tradition of self-help and how-to books, I welcome you to:
The Manual
How to Cheat on Your Wife
Caveat Lector
By: Otto Mendalsmirsh

If you are currently having an affair, or are planning one, I know something about you.
I may not know exactly who you are, but I can probably guess one very important thing about
you. Whoever you are, you believe that if you have an affair your wife is not smart enough to
catch you. You believe that you are smarter than your wife. Whether that’s so or not is a
completely different story, but chances are those are your thoughts.
What you need to realize and understand is: You're probably wrong, and if your wife has the
ability to read then you are seriously outnumbered.

* Each year women's magazines outline dozens of ways to tell if you’re having an affair For
Woman's Own, May 1998 “Trust Us! 20 Sure signs He's a Cheater" it was 20
* Your wife's friends, family, and co-workers
* Your own friends and co-workers
* The Internet has hundreds of sites dedicated to infidelity and how to spot it
* HER private investigator (if there is a lot at stake and she has the resources)
And, in a worst-case scenario, your mistress

I have done a lot of research on what you can expect, and the many pitfalls which, inevitably,
you will be forced to confront in this endeavor.

Enclosed in these covers are tips for deception, psychology, how to end an affair, some help
on what to do if you are caught, and a list of resources and other books you may find
extremely helpful if applied to other areas of life in general.

What I will try to do for you with this book is to show you where most of the landmines are
and how to avoid them.

You may have a wife, a lover and many, many friends…however, whether you realize it or
not you are in this alone, but I'm here to help.

If you’re ready to take a bite out of the apple…let's go.

Caveat Lector

VI
 INTRODUCTION
Be Safe, Don't be Sorry
This book deals with the issue of affairs that last more than a few months. The short term
affair of a few weeks, or one night stands, are fairly easy to manage in most cases, and as the
writer Nicholas Chapman puts in his book How to have the "Perfect Secret Affair" the risk is
extremely negligible. I do include the things that will make your wife take notice and question
your activities, but this book goes much further into much of the psychology and many of the
games you are likely to encounter as well. This book is also about the balance of knowledge,
if you have it the scales will tip more or less in your favor; if your wife has it she will get a
black belt in adultery detection…and you’re flat busted. I have read books that cover
psychology, private investigation, law, forensics, relationships, sales, body language,
espionage, surveillance, computers, hypnosis, Neuro Linguistic Programming, strategy, and
many more, not to mention the many, many interviews, websites, and contributions from
women and men all across the country. I've tried to distill the best of their essence into this
book. What you can learn in these pages would cost you hundreds of dollars in books alone.
Some of what I have in this book can only be found here. If you want to conduct your affair
like the questionable talent of a Gong Show reject then this book is not for you. If, however,
you would like to know what you are in for and what to expect, then you are about to get an
education like none other. If you’re having an affair, or contemplating one, this book is going
to be priceless to your peace of mind.

First of all, do not get caught with this book (this should go without saying)…if you do,
everything you say, or show is damn near forever suspect, even if it is the truth.
If your wife is even remotely suspicious (justified or not); it will screw you harder than Mr.
“T” in a bad mood with a rusty, seven foot anal probe, while wearing sunglasses at night in a
dark alley. (Now I am aware that some men do like that sort of thing…let’s just pretend
you’re not one of them.)
This book probably should be concealed within another book cover, or put into a binder and
sandwiched between several layers of really boring stuff; something to do with auto repair is
often a good ruse. Try to remember how you snuck the girlie magazines into school to read
during biology class. Use that same ingenuity and you ought to be fine.
Whether you know it or not, there is a whole culture and sub-culture in the women's world
that deal with “MAN” issues. For instance, has your wife "just for fun" ever asked you to take
one of the questionnaires from one of the women's magazines she buys for the recipes? They
are dedicated to helping her lose weight, become a better lover, find out what is on your mind,
and how to train you out of your bad habits, among other things.
Have you ever read The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider? I recommend it; it is truly
an eye-opener on how women operate. It is a manuscript of underhanded, manipulative, and
beguiling techniques designed to exploit male weaknesses. That being said, it is also a truly
great masterpiece on male psychology, what makes them work, and how to influence it. If you
take a look at the bibliography for a minute you will see that I'm not saying this without some
point of reference, and I'm not saying it lightly; it truly is the best book on male psychology I
have ever seen, Ph.D. written or otherwise. I'm not trying to imply that all women are by
nature or design manipulative, but our culture does encourage it; you need to know what is
being done to you so you can better defend against it.
2
I do not believe, nor have I found as a rule, that people get married expecting to cheat on their
spouse. Most men (including the ones I've interviewed specifically for this book) get married
and expect that they will not need that little black book of numbers because they have found
the "right" woman for them. "A Creature Unlike Any Other" to quote The Rules. For
whatever reason, something has changed and you’re feeling that "Seven Year Itch", or your
sex life is now someplace in the afterlife (probably after she started wearing the pajamas into
bed). I personally do not know why you are doing what you are doing, and quite frankly your
"Why" is none of my business. I understand that an affair is kept secret because you want to
keep your wife and your home, and as we all know, “Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred
turned, nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned."

One thing to keep in mind: you’re an adult so you ought to be capable of making adult
decisions. DON'T BLAME ME for your affair. I'm not telling you to have an affair; I'm not
even saying it’s a good idea. If you feel like blaming someone, take Michael Baisden's (author
of Never Satisfied) approach and blame your father.

The odds of you having an affair are better than 50 percent. The odds that an affair is going to
make your life miserable are far less clear depending on who you happen to believe. Dr.
Luann Linquist, author of Secret Lovers, believes that affairs can be good for a marriage in
some cases, such as taking pressure off of the wife if the sexual appetites are different. Of
course, if you believe the family priest, you’re going to burn in hell for all time unless you
confess your sins, don't do it again, and say three thousand hail Marys. If you believe "Joe"
the guy you work with who brags about banging everything he has ever come in contact with
and still stays happily married, there are no repercussions whatsoever. If I ask you; “Why-O-
Why” are you having the affair? You’re going to say…"Dumb question Otto, it's for the sex."
and you would be right, it’s for the sex, but it’s also for something else as well. It may be for
that feeling of power and self worth, or to regain a sense of the attractiveness you lost after
you got married and your wife started to refer to you as Paco, the Mexican food methane
processor. It could be for the fulfillment of the “black leather and chains” fantasy your wife
refuses to dress for. It could be for a lot of reasons. The important thing is that you know why
you’re doing it, from the ground up. I repeat this point several times because it is, after
condom use, the most important thing you need to know to guide yourself through an affair.

Understanding why you’re having the affair is an important thing to come to terms with, and
not necessarily just for some self-help reason (though it could help), but rather it helps to keep
a bead on what you’re getting out the affair, and will help you to better have those needs met.
If it's an emotional need, a need to feel needed or important, and your mistress satisfies this
need, great, you have found the need that is to be served. If for instance if you happen to want
to be tied up and spanked on your bottom with dried lasagna pasta noodles, and your mistress
thinks it's weird and doesn't want to do it, you know you need to drop her faster than a
buttered snot ball. You are not getting what you want, and you are risking everything for that
privilege. You already can't get what you want at home, so why bother with the risk, unless
the risk is really the payoff. With yourself, and anyone else, it’s advantageous to ask yourself
this question: "What is the payoff?" It will clarify the relationship and put things into
perspective.

3
One common self delusion is what an interviewee Jason described to me: "If I could put my
wife and my girlfriend together I'd have the perfect woman for me, and I'd never have to fuck
around again." It's a nice thought, and in some cases it might even be true. Often, however,
that is not the case. No one person can serve every need of another, nor should they be
expected to. If this were actually the case, you wouldn’t need friends, or colleagues. You
would go from work to home with no desire to be or go anywhere else. I don't know if you
have ever tried to be the "everything" for someone else, but if you have, I suspect you found it
impossible and unfulfilling because of the loss of self that tends to accompany it.

In addition to satisfying your physical needs, a mistress also serves as an emotional backup to
your primary relationship, and helps provide a sense of security when you have the feeling
things aren’t going well. She can be a necessary break from the world, and it is enticing to
fantasize about what life would be like "if only". Take the affair for what it is: a fantasy being
fulfilled. Disneyland might be a nice place to visit, but would you really want to live there?

The good news for you as a man is that you can probably get caught having an affair ONCE
and still stay married (don’t think there won't be penalties though). Anything after that is
orders of magnitude less likely that you can keep your shirt, much less your marriage, intact.
The bad news is, if you do get a divorce you’re most likely to get screwed in several
departments, such as visitation, alimony, assets, and property settlements because of the affair.

There is a lot to know about having a successful affair so pay attention and learn, and practice
the tools of the trade.

The tools of the trade are simple: deception, emotional control, and attention to detail.
In the following chapters we will go over these tools, and I will show you how to use and
improve the tools you have to work with. I will also include a list of hardware and software
you may wish to employ to maximize your capabilities.

Anatomy Class
The anatomy of how an affair starts is rather simple, you have the Desire first and you Justify
it second (Justifications in many circles are also called Excuses). You also need Time and
Opportunity, and the last and largely governing element is an Acceptable Amount of Risk.
All affairs are governed by these factors, and like a math formula, a value change in any one
of these factors can lead to or prevent an affair. If you have all 5's (let's say this is the top
value) you're going to have a man who will tip the babysitter a hundred bucks for a blowjob.
Put a zero in any one of these factors and there will absolutely be no affair. It is a curious
observance that marriage, crime, addictions, and just about everything else uses these same
factors or behaviors to make decisions and determine outcomes.

Desire and Justification

You are going to have the desire to "nail" that stewardess who has been flirting with you for
the past four hours while piloting the plane to Los Angeles. It's a natural and exciting feeling
to have, whether you do it or not depends on if you can justify it to yourself or not. If you can
justify it then you will find yourself in a naked, freshly fucked, dazed and euphoric state soon
after the plane lands (barring unforeseen circumstances). If you can't justify it, then an entire
4
squad of tan, naked cheerleaders in golden body glitter waving blue and yellow pompoms and
chanting "Otto, Otto He's our man, if he can't do it NO ONE can" (sorry, personal fantasy)
can't make you do it.

The funny thing is, once you get the desire, chances are sooner or later you're going to find the
justification for it, even if you have to invent it. I have heard some good reasons and some
real doozies as far as excuses go.

"An excuse is nothing more than the skin of a reason stuffed full of lies."
Author unknown, but damned clever
Here are just a few:

My wife doesn't like to give head (real popular justification)

My wife doesn't want to try new things in bed
My wife doesn't understand me
We only have sex once a month…during her period
My wife just lays there
My wife is screwing the: mailman/UPS guy/dentist/best friend/President
What she doesn't know won't hurt her
I’m a blackout nymphomaniac
It was the booze
I got horny…that’s it…I was just horny
I wanted something different
It seemed like a good idea at the time
I didn’t plan it, it just happened
My wife didn’t want to have sex during her pregnancy
My wife turned into a cow/let herself go
It's just sex, it doesn't mean anything
It’s only cheating IF you get caught
My wife has little tits
I was horny, she was willing, and my wife's a bitch
Ever since she had the kids….
My wife doesn't like anal sex
I was overdosed on Viagra
Because I can
I’m a guy
I was held at gunpoint and forced to have sex with the Mafioso's lovely 18 year old daughter
while the dog watched (Okay, I made that one up)

Both men and women need excuses to do things they don’t feel are acceptable either to
themselves, their spouses, others, or the public at large. If a person really wants to do
something that conflicts with their own morals, then they are VERY likely to either
consciously, or subconsciously, contrive the situation and the excuse/justification to allow it
to happen. By way of example, I have met women who use alcohol as an excuse (“I was
drunk”) to have sex with someone, and I have met men who use alcohol as the excuse to beat
their wives or girlfriends. (“It wasn’t me it was the Booze.”) Both of these types of people
want to do the same things sober, but they need the excuse to move the blame away from
themselves. They are either insecure or cowards... or both. (In my opinion, if you abuse your
wife you need to get help. In the absence of that, just do the world and your family, a huge
5
favor and kill yourself [Goodbye Earl]…if you need help killing yourself pick up the book
Final Exit by Derek Humphry available at Amazon.com, and take the most painful way
out…really.)

One thing you do need to understand which may seem obvious but its implication is not:
People do not do things to make themselves feel bad, quite the opposite, they do things
because it makes them feel good. Sex feels good, you want to do it, SO you will find a way to
justify it if possible. An extreme example of this is found in How to Win Friends and Influence
People. Dale Carnegie relates a story about “Two Gun” Crowley, a gangster who, while in
the middle of a shootout with police, wrote a letter saying: “Under my coat is a weary heart,
but a kind one—one that would do nobody any harm.” He wrote this after killing a police
officer who had asked him for his license a little while earlier. Another example of this is
given by Michael Baisden in Never Enough, in which he relates a story about a man who
picks a fight with his wife, they separate for a short while, and the man goes on to have an
affair. The separation gives him the time he needs, and more importantly, I believe it gives
him (at least in his own mind) the "moral authority" to justify the affair.

Almost everyone wants to see their self as a good person, and will go to great lengths
mentally to accomplish this despite the reality of the situation. The psychological term used to
describe the condition where the view of yourself is out of balance with your actions is called
“cognitive dissonance”, and is generally accompanied by questionable situational ethics.
Cognitive dissonance generally describes the imbalance between our thoughts and our
actions…normally our thoughts change to "justify" our actions so we can still think of
ourselves in a good light. Below is a very simplistic model of how our emotions and actions
might operate. Something to consider as well, is that actions can and will influence emotions
and vice versa.

So, while you may think that your wife is a selfish, manipulative bitch, you may only be
thinking this so you can feel better about yourself and your actions…that, or she really could
be a selfish, manipulative bitch. After you achieve balance again, your view is probably not
what others see: “I’ve made up my mind, don’t confuse me with the facts” thinking. I believe
they call that delusion. (This is what the 300 pound balding, fat man with four green teeth, and
chronic halitosis suffers from when he believes himself to be the sexiest man alive…I have
met him.)

There is also the danger of getting caught, or the "Busted" factor with affairs that can make
them seem more real and thrilling than regular life, and can make the lifestyle both appealing
and addictive. Another dynamic of having an affair and stabilizing your cognitive dissonance
is that after you justify cheating on your wife, you start to pull away from her emotionally. It’s
difficult emotionally to hurt someone you love or to whom you are emotionally close. This
point is subtly illustrated in the study Clues to Infidelity, by Todd Shackelford, Ph.D.

6
You MUST, MUST, MUST be aware of this occurring in your behavior, or it will give you
away. If you don’t maintain the current level of activity and affection with your wife and
family it will awaken the “subconscious Sherlock Holmes” in your wife and make any other
tell tale signs you might be displaying stand out like a “Scarlet Letter A”.
Of course, there is also the other downside, you close so much of yourself off from your wife
that you no longer have the marriage you had or even want.

Time
Women understand intellectually that men NEED alone time, and in many cases are willing to
give it as long as they get to be with you when you have it.

The "Time" commodity is always a precious one and will become more so when you are in an
affair. Blocking the desired amount of time to have a fulfilling affair is not always the easiest
thing to do, and if your wife suspects you of having an affair you are going to have even less
of that unchecked solitude. Aside from the "Business Trip" or "Working Late" (again) many
men historically get around this with "hobbies" that seem innocent enough but can be used for
that most basic need: time for the affair.

It is true that a wife will sometimes try to take an interest in what her husband does, but if she
does not like it, the interest will not last long; his will just has to outlast her desire. Some men
I have talked with burn their wives out on an activity and make it so unpleasant for her she
will not want to participate, leaving him the "free" time he wanted in the first place. Probably
a more humane thing to do is to take an interest in LARGELY male, or exclusively male
activities. In either case, below is a list I've gathered of some of the most common activities
used:

Fishing

"Honey I'm going to drown some worms." It's a great excuse. Men (stereotypically) like to
fish, and if you do the "alone from dusk ‘til dawn" it's hard to track you, and fairly easy to
fake. If your wife is meticulous about her appearance, nails, hair, clothing, odor, then this is
the "hobby" to take up. It's messy, involves blood, sharp hooks, bugs, fish guts, snakes
(maybe), standing around in the heat or the cold, drinking (best when to excess), and can be
done with friends she doesn't like (also a primo discouragement.)

Not too many wives inspect the fishing gear when you come home, and not too many wives
want to go fishing. You get an added plus if your mistress isn't the hygienic type, the fishy
smell could almost be considered genuine, although your wife might start looking at you in a
very peculiar way when she realizes the smell is also in your underwear. Children usually
aren’t real enthusiastic about overnight fishing especially if you give mom the money to take
them to see that mega-blockbuster all the other kids are going to see… AND someone does
have to stay home and watch the kids don't they?

Your wife might become suspicious if you never bring home anything (catch and release
usually only works for the pros), or if you refuse to take her when she wants to go.

7
Boating

This goes quite nicely with the fishing excuse. It can give you a great deal of time away and a
place to have sex as well (saving money on them pesky hotel/motel bills). It can provide
many, many excuses why you were late, and can help you establish a pattern when you are
doing this activity that “time is not a precise thing”. You may wish to make sure that the boat
you get has some type of cabin (even a little one) for privacy, because if you’re having sex
during the day SOMEONE is going to get a painful sunburn in places where clothing cuts, and
explanations are hard to come by. One thing to note here is the old joke that a boat is “a hole
in the water where you throw money”, this can be a good thing to aid you in hiding the cash
necessary for an affair.

Hunting

"Honey, I'm going out to kill something." Another great excuse. Men (stereotypically) like to
hunt down and shoot things, all kinds of things, ducks, deer, fish (yes, fish), bears, rabbits, and
bottles (whiskey bottles can be especially challenging if you drink the contents through a
straw first). This hobby, with the proper planning, can be good for a few nights away from
home. You should be worried if your wife takes up this hobby though. Getting caught having
an affair while a crack shot is looking at you through the cross hairs of a scope mounted on a
30-30, can create in you a new found appreciation for life in general, for the last three deer
you killed, and that buck you shot mounting that doe in particular (cruel bastard)…I call this
"Bambi Vision."

The Gym

This one is mediocre because it can cut against you if you’re not careful and doesn't provide
for a long night if you want it, since most Gyms are not open 24 hours. Also, she may want to
get into shape as well, and then you are not going to have the free time you want or need. The
upshot could be that she will be in shape too and want to have sex more often (hopefully with
you). Subheadings in this department would include jogging, racquetball, and tennis.

Golf

This technically could fall under the "Gym" heading but Golf is a GREAT way to get time
away. Women in general don't like to play it, so you don't need to convince her she doesn't
like it, and it can easily take up a whole day.

The down side is that it costs money to properly set this excuse up, them clubs, greens fees,
clothes, and memberships ain't cheap. The cost after you get done setting up this alibi might
make your wife really wish you had a mistress instead of a love for this game. Of course you
might end up spending so much for the alibi that you might wish you had a genuine love for
the game, and not a mistress instead (or you could always buy a boat).

8
Walking the Dog

This ruse will allow you some time away if your mistress is nearby, or you can take the dog to
the park, or the beach (don't forget some sand on the dog or you as evidence when you go
home), or some other such place.

The good point about this one is that your dog can't tell on you; they don't speak intelligibly
no matter what the PETA people say. (Even Lassie couldn't pull that one off.) Of course, your
dog may start looking at your wife in a whole new light. (Man’s best friend…yeah right!) A
small word of caution here, in your haste to get to your rendezvous…don't forget the dog. (Hi
Bill.)

Grocery Shopping

This can be a positive or a negative situation. In this section we will go over the positive
possibilities that can work for you, the negative points are found in the Road Blocks section.
For this to work properly, as was suggested by an interviewee, it is best to go to your
mistresses first and then to the store to cut down on the paper trail evidence. Don't ever go
home empty handed, and always buy something else not on your list so it can at least appear
you did a lot of window shopping while you were there. The downside as I was told was
"your mistress better be pretty damn understanding about quickies." But on the upside, "it is
certainly an effective emotional management tool in the affair." Only doing the “quickie”
thing doesn’t allow for deeper emotions to take hold in any real way, at best a mere passing
fancy when she needs to get the coffee from the top shelf of the cupboard.

Shooting Pool / Going to the Bar

Shooting pool is another good example of things you can do, Pool Leagues normally shoot at
different establishments all around the city; you can be in the league and use the excuse of
going out to “practice.” The leagues keep track of shooters so that is something your wife can
verify BUT, practice can be almost anyplace. Just remember to put some blue chalk on your
fingers consistent with what you would get from really playing games of pool. One fellow
parlayed drinking into a way of coming home late and not having to try to sneak into bed. He
had the habit of snoring extremely loud when he drank, that and his wife really didn't like the
smell of beer, so on those occasions he slept in the guest bed.

Work

If there was an award for the most overused excuse to find time to have an affair, this would
be it: "Honey I have to work late...again." The reason is that it doesn’t require much
imagination, and working is a responsible, respectable act. Doing a good job and putting in
the extra hours may lead to more money and job security, this is why your wife is more
understanding and receptive to this excuse.

The problem with it is that you have EXACTLY pinpointed where you are going to be and if
you’re not a salaried employee the "extra work" is not going to reflect in your paycheck. Even
if you are a salaried employee, you can expect at some point that your wife will want to bring
you dinner or call you. The "I was in the bathroom when you called" excuse can only work
9
but so many times. Aside from the possibility and dangers (I'll explain that later.) that you’re
diddling someone in the office for convenience sake, many men use the excuse to death. It
works of course, but ONLY if not overdone. (Unless you work in a secure barbed wire fenced
facility with security officers, guard dogs and guns.)

Vacations

I placed vacations under work because they can easily go hand in hand if done properly, also
vacations can sometimes be more work than what you do on a regular basis. Work is a
necessary evil of life and can, under normal circumstances, impose on your nights and
weekends. When vacation time comes around you can send your wife and family on vacation
while you stay home…that’s a HUGE block of free time to play with, and just might leave
you more relaxed and peaceful than your wife would ever expect.

There is also a trend going on of "separate vacations" where each of you go and do what you
really want to go and do. (Don’t come back with anything exotic…having the newest venereal
disease named after you is probably not the way you want to go down in anybody's history.)

This small smattering of ideas I'm sure will launch many ideas of your own, but whatever you
decide to do to get the necessary time, you must do these things consistently. You must
establish a pattern that will allow the blocks of time to go by unnoticed and uninterrogated.
Many wives have the same lament after finding out that their “busy” husband has been
cheating on them…"Where did he find the time?" All blocks of time were already accounted
for in her mind. If all of the blocks were real then she would be right, you wouldn't have the
time, or at least the energy to have an affair. Remember the more "hobbies" you have the
more blocks you have to play with.

Now those are a few things you can do and tools you can use to get the all important time, but
there are things that are going to work against you, especially if you have violated the canon
of spending enough real, quality time with your wife and family. Your wife WILL do things
to interfere with that tight schedule which you have reserved for extra curricular activities.

Road Blocks
The deterring or detouring tactics women use are both ingenious and very subtle. Now your
wife may or may not suspect you’re having an affair consciously, but the subconscious is
quite another matter entirely. The following road blocks could be a result of her not feeling
you spend enough time with her, or the right kind of time: Quality Time. She could be aware
of doing these things or not…if she is aware obviously you would start “termination of the
affair" procedures IMMEDIATELY!! However, more frequently the Road Blocks are often
just "tests" to check your loyalty and responsibility. If you pass them you will likely have
more free time in the future, if you fail the "tests" you can expect more of them in a shorter
period of time. If you fail them too often then you’re going to arouse her consciousness and
level of awareness of the change in your attitude and actions. Each woman has that
subconscious scorecard, how it is scored is as diverse as there are women in the world.

The following are a list of some Road Blocks and how they might be used.

10
I'll Meet You

This is one of the most effective and difficult tactics to get around because it can be used at
anytime surrounding almost any activity AND you can’t say “no” too often without arousing
suspicion. You use the excuse “I’m going to the gym to work out”…she says “That sounds
like a good idea...I’ll meet you up there and we can go out for dinner afterwards.” The next
thing you do is call your mistress to reschedule. If this happens too often it’s going to piss off
your mistress, but your mistress is not your wife. Priorities here! The only way around this is
to plan on doing these activities (using these excuses) when you KNOW your wife is going to
be busy with something else and won’t mind you not being there. Another way around this
deterrent is to “give her a job”, by this I mean ask her to pick up your dry-cleaning, get food
for the dog, or water for the fish tank; several things to do at once is better. If she is planning
on picking up these things, say on Saturday…YOU can make the appropriate plans with a
reasonable amount of confidence. Something you may wish to do as well is to sign up your
wife for art classes, yoga, or how to give a blowjob classes (yes they do have them…I saw it
on HBO), or something along those lines. I don't really recommend sending your wife to
karate classes for obvious reasons. You don't want her kicking the living shit out of you, and
maybe your mistress too, if she finds out...unless of course your medical insurance also covers
acts of grievous stupidity.

Grocery Shopping

Ever heard this: "On your way home stop and get milk for dinner."? If your wife is trying to
derail your plans to meet with that "other woman" she may call you quite frequently to stop
and get some highly perishable item like milk or ice cream…the condition they are in by the
time you get home, and the time it takes you to get home, could say a lot. If you’re going to
your mistress's house you could use her refrigerator, or wait and buy the items closer to home,
but if there are quite a few items, I'll bet you didn't remember to throw away that time/date
stamped receipt did you? Some receipts just give a date, but it also tells WHERE you bought
the stuff. Did you buy it near your mistress’s house? Did you use a check or credit card for the
items?

Take the kids

A very effective tactic; you can't very well have an affair with your children with you (if you
have sex in front of your kids you’re a sick, sick bastard, get help), and you don't want to look
like a bad father. Sure, you can find excuses every now and then not to take them with you,
but on the whole you are going to have to take them with you. This is where your "hobbies"
come in real handy (golf especially…no kid can properly appreciate that sport without triple
doses of Ritalin and a beer chaser).

Kids also make great spies too (usually Dumb ones), although they (in my humble opinion)
should never be put in that type of divisive role where they are forced to inform on one parent
or the other. It is a no win situation for the child no matter what the outcome, and promises
therapy at some point along the way.

11
But I made plans/reservations…

This is a tough one to get around and more often than not, you’re going to have to stow your
personal plans, and spend the time with your wife. You can help prevent things like this from
happening in the future by being intentionally late; by telling your wife to please let you know
beforehand because it just “messed up” or “conflicted” with some other thing she feels is
important (like work); by a "sick friend" (it helps if you really do have a sick friend); or some
other plan you have that this is interfering with. It may work or it may not, but it’s worth a
shot.

Illness

Sometimes your wife may feign an illness or exaggerate a genuine infirmity, which will
require you to drop your plans and take care of her. If you are annoyed and/or show little
concern, you will fail this test of compassion. Along with this, she is going to note (as you
would) how attentive you are to her needs, and if you are making jokes at her expense when
she is supposed to be ill. Your wife may have screwed up your plans, perhaps more than once,
with what appears to be a legitimate excuse. Passive-Aggressive behavior such as cynicism,
inattentiveness, and other forms of disaffection in this situation denote an emotional
distancing, the cause of which may very well prompt your wife to analyze your behavior and
activities in search of an explanation.

Minor Emergency

When your wife is suddenly called into work, or to a family emergency leaving you with the
kids, you can't very well go gallivanting hither and yon trying to seduce every smile in a skirt.
Sometimes the children are left with another trustworthy supervisor (in-laws, or neighbors),
which will require you to go fetch them, also limiting your ability to maneuver between the
knees of Nirvana. These are some genuine Road Blocks that can be used to test your
commitment; they can also be contrived if your wife becomes suspicious that your free time is
being spent exorcising your options.

The Quickie

Since 98 percent of the men in the world cannot get it up right after they “Soil the Kleenex”
many a smart wife will “drain the vein, tap the sack, or ride the pony” before you go out to
that suspected rendezvous.

The one thing that can be said about the issue of time is that the more myopic (shortsighted)
you are, the greater your chances are of being detected and caught. This doesn’t mean you
can’t have a spontaneous affair, it just means you have to plan for it. Think about an excuse
you can use to explain why you’re late (if you are) that you can use “spur of the moment”,
like; I ran over a dog/cat/person. I ran into “name of an old MALE classmate” and “the time
got away from me.” Think about the locations you can use that are safe. Prescreen the “No-
Tell” motels in your area, or quiet secluded areas that would work. Think about protection; are
you going to carry the condoms with you (very risky if you and your wife don’t use them), or
are you going to buy them spur of the moment? Think about how to bail if you need to. A
12
good quote here is from the Steven Segal movie Under Siege 2: Dark Territory “Chance
favors the prepared mind.” Yes I know…the bad guy who used that line got killed, but only
because he didn’t follow the “evil doer” rules which can be found at http://evil-
guide.tripod.com/, or just type into your web browser the line: “so you’ve decided to be evil.”

With any of these Road Blocks, don’t think she isn’t carefully watching the degree of agitation
this causes as you tense and sweetly reply “No problem honey, I wasn’t planning to do a
thing! I don’t mind at all.” If she is consciously suspicious that you’re having an affair the
next section will concisely tell you what she is looking for, most of the time.

54 Clues to Tip Her Off

As I said earlier, there are lots of published lists of things to watch out for, as well as some I
have uncovered through investigation. Some women, of course, are going to be better at
spotting the signs than others will. Wives who have had previous spouses cheat on them, and
housewives who have more time to reflect on your behavior will more quickly home in on
your behavioral changes than say an airline pilot might. Below are the main things she will be
watching for. I know most men prefer the list of things to watch out for without too much
explanation, so here they go:

Sex
Asking for different kinds of sex out of the blue
Fewer sexual requests or more sexual requests than is your norm
Calling out the wrong name during sex (unless she is deaf)
Less participation in the sex act itself
Putting sexual priority below your interest in a Jell-O commercial
Your Viagra prescription is being filled more often than your beer mug, or she has been counting the
pills and some are missing
You can't get it up after getting home from “working late.”

Phone
Do you hover expectantly over the phone?
The tone of your voice changes on certain calls
Frequent hang-ups when your wife answers
Women calling for people not there (wrong numbers)
Caller ID box and how you pay attention to it
How fast or adamant you state you will “get the phone” when it rings
How fast you end phone conversations when your wife enters the room?
Whispering when your "secretary" calls
Making a call, then when you hang up clearing the redial by calling 111
Not answering a page or call when you normally answer them all

Major changes
In entertainment, music, reading material, movies
Excessive reactions to apparently insignificant things
You get short tempered when asked simple inquiries into your whereabouts
You say things that imply you are comparing your wife to someone else
13
New jewelry or clothing she didn’t buy for you and you don’t have the taste to pick out for yourself.
Are you excessively participating in escapist activities such as: TV, computers, games
Does the close proximity of your wife make you feel uncomfortable
Talking in your sleep
The emotion (or lack or it) behind your kisses and hugs
Very protective of your briefcase, wallet, or day planner
Constantly accusing your wife of having an affair without grounds
Unexplained blocks of time on or around major holidays
Lack of eye contact during discussions
Making up excuses to not be together or sleep together

Miscellaneous
Lipstick (oldie but a goodie)
Perfume on your shirt
Smelling like smoke when neither of you are smokers
An increased amount of attention to your body, or how you look
New use of cologne when you didn't use it before
Going to bed only in the dark (to hide bedroom battle scars)
Wearing clothes to bed when you normally don't
Avoiding having your wife see you naked
Are you really where you say you are?
Are you acting oddly about the household finances?
Are you inciting arguments and then storming out or leaving the house to cool down?
Patterns for days of the week you have to work late or be away
You’re not as complimentary as you once were, or a swing in the opposite direction putting everyone
within 50 feet around you into diabetic coma
Did you change the bed linen, have you ever done this before, when?
Calling your wife by a different name
You stop using her name and start referring to her as "sugar" or "baby"
Does she suspect you’re using cover or masking scents?
New or missing underwear or clothing
Suspicious stains on or in your clothing or underwear
Giving too much information about insignificant things or events
Giving too little information about important things or events
Familiarity with places or people you should have little or no knowledge about
Knowing the end of a movie(s) that you say you have never seen before, or
showing boredom during it

That’s the list of most of the things that are going to tip your hand to her and give you away.
Some of them are harder to suppress than others, and it might require more than one to make
your wife suspicious. It might just take one. The burden of proof in a marriage does not
necessarily mean they have to prove it by Black's Law Dictionary, which defines adultery as
the "voluntary sexual intercourse of a married person with a person other than the offender's
husband or wife, or by a person with a person who is married to another." It includes and is
limited to sexual intercourse. Your wife's level of proof does not necessarily mean she has to
catch you in bed with the maid to be satisfied, in her own mind, that your dick has been where
it ain't supposed to be. The next step for her may be to prove it so you can't deny it, or just
leave you. The risk is for you to assess but you should never underestimate your wife, or over
estimate yourself.

14
Opportunity
Basically this means you need (assuming you’re not gay) a woman. Now historically men
have nailed about anything they could slip their dicks into (animal, vegetable, or mineral), and
will probably continue to so do until their dicks fall off and they have to become a member of
the Republican Party. Hopefully, you will show at least a little bit of discrimination because
WHO you choose, or who chooses YOU can and will be one of the MOST important factors
in whether or not you get busted. A few things will increase your opportunity to choose a
desirable mistress: money or wealth will attract lots of opportunity; so will a good sense of
humor; as well as looks; and certain other skills such as being able to dance, play a sport, cook
a good meal, deliver a satisfying massage (and I do mean a real massage, not fumbling around
her body trying to turn her on so you can get laid); and being able to carry on some semblance
of an intelligent conversation. The more tools you have in your bag the more "jobs" you can
get finished.

Some men cast a wide net (flirt with anything that will give him the time of day) in hopes that
some fish will be caught. This is not necessarily the best tactic because the more people you
engage the more opportunity you have of being found out, unless you already have a
reputation for having an outgoing personality. You may be recognized by others when you
least expect it and are least able to cover your hidden lifestyle. But it does work for some
people, so if this is your style and you’re good at it just make sure you think ahead a bit.

Others tend to be more selective, tending towards a certain type such as blondes, college co-
eds, different age ranges, big tits, pouty lips…etc. It takes time to be an active hunter of the
EXTRA sex we want so we tend to gravitate towards what is familiar. Places like work, the
gym, the local pub, or the woman next door (whether or not she would ever make that issue of
playboy.) With a little attention you can easily tell where you will do best.

Remember what John Dillinger said when asked, "why do you rob banks?" He responded
"Because that’s where the money is." Below are some of the historic and/or novel "banks"
where men find their mistresses:

Work

The undisputed heavyweight king of the infidelity world. Also potentially one of the most
problematic to deal with if things go wrong. When you’re married (and ESPECIALLY if you
have kids), there really is not much time to go out looking for sex in other places unless you
and your wife are on opposite schedules. So, where you meet the most people is at work or at
work related functions, but this can hold serious and potent problems if you are ever
discovered. I personally know of at least four people who have lost their jobs over a
workplace affair, I have heard about dozens more, and read about hundreds more while
researching this book. On the flip side, I have also seen, heard about, and read about very
enjoyable affairs surrounding work.

15
The Internet

The Internet is a huge and growing place to meet people, and according to psychologist
Debbie Layton-Tholl in The Albany (N.Y.) Times Union, it is the second most used way to
meet people. In fact there are some people who consider “cybering”, typing with the intention
of becoming aroused physically, emotionally, and intellectually (generally done with another
human being), a real form of infidelity. There are even psychologists making names for
themselves by trying to push a brand new concept “ Internet Adultery”. The thing is, there is
merit in some of the claims of these people. Often when you are online with someone for
extended periods of time you are neglecting your family, and it can and does have the
potential to lead to “IRL” (In Real Life) encounters.
When I was interviewed once about the growing number of users and their use of the Internet
I gave the following answer:

In many ways the internet is the best lover you will ever have, (not meant entirely
sexually) it is what you want it, when you want it, and how you want it. It is this,
precisely because the net is always alive with millions of people with similar interests to
yours, you can have what you want, when you want it and with the anonymity of the
Internet, you can be whatever it is you want to be. The only current drawback is that it
can’t cook your food, fuck your brains out, or cuddle with you in bed. But the net is a
real vehicle to get you these things too. The Internet is potentially more addictive for
some people than cigarettes, sex, or crack cocaine.

Since then, new advances allow someone to “fuck your brains out” with your own computer.
This new "science" is called cyberdildonics. Each person has to have the "hardware" (which
isn’t cheap) and "software" (which is in some cases free) loaded onto their computers in order
to remotely control the other person’s equipment over the net. Some companies also have
videos with cues that operate the hardware so what you see is what you feel. You can find out
more information on the net about this.

There is an expression on the internet "IRL" which stands for "in real life" which means that
the internet isn’t real for the most part. We recognize that…or at least people who have been
on there for awhile do in some form or fashion. The internet provides a way to shop, explore,
and escape, but text on a screen or video shots from a web cam do not make it any more real
than your $3.99 a minute sex line. Just a bit less expensive is all. The greater level of
interaction made possible by the web allows the experience to appear more real in many
aspects, but like the nature of affairs themselves…it tends to be far more fantasy than reality.
I'm not shooting down the web as a vehicle to meet people IRL, rather I'm trying to point out
the reality of the mirage.

The Bars/Clubs

This is the classic meeting place with all of the right ingredients for a fast fuck. It's got music
for atmosphere, alcohol for the classic excuse, and the women are there to try to meet
someone (Mr. Right or more likely Mr. Right Now.) If your wife trusts you enough for a
"night out with the boys" have your ticket punched at the front door and don't forget the
condoms.
(This is where preplanning that spontaneous affair really pays off.)

16
The Gym

This is a great place if you workout without your wife because you’re getting into shape and
the women there are doing the same thing. One guy I interviewed took a beginner aerobics
class. The women there were overweight to start with and by the eighth week, all of the over
weight ones (he didn’t like overweight women) either dropped out, or were in quite a nice
shape. Yoga classes work the same too. The nice thing is that while they were slimming down
he got to know them, and when they got to where they were happy with their bodies and
feeling really sexy again, he was all too happy to help them "test drive" that hot new model.

Art Classes

This is a great place to meet women because there are a lot of them there, and it’s a close
setting, so you have a chance to talk to them to determine who might make a suitable
candidate for a mistress.

The Girl Next Door

Realizing that there is little time and people tend to do and go where they feel most
comfortable, it's reasonable to choose the girl next door, but the closer you get to home the
chances of you getting caught go up almost exponentially. Neighbors tend to talk and notice
things. Your or her behavior is likely to be suspect at one time or another, and if you do get
found out you’re going to have your own personal family feud going on. Eventually someone
is probably going to have to move. (On the upside, you won't have to buy as much food for
the neighborhood BBQ at your house).

Friend of Your Wife

Selecting your wife’s friend (especially her best friend) as a mistress is recommended for
EXTREMELY advanced "players". This situation can go so very wrong in so very many ways
that if you get caught you’re going to need a hard hat, cup, and butt plug for basic protection,
not to mention one hell of an attorney. A bulletproof vest might not be a bad idea either.
Another one of several good arguments for not having sex with one of your wife's friends is
that a double absence will be noticed after awhile. You go out to the gym and Betty, for some
reason, can't come to the phone. You go out to shoot pool and Betty has to visit a sick friend.
They even questioned Clark Kent's identity after awhile, and I'm willing to bet you're not
Superman. On the other side of it, if you’re a thrill seeker, all of this danger can be more
rewarding than breaking into Fort Knox, and more exciting than overdosing on Viagra at the
Playboy mansion during a Spanish-fly convention.

Most often, the opportunities come from places you frequent, whether they are convenience
stores, auto parts shops, gas stations, or food markets. If you are to capitalize on such chances,
then you must do the most important thing of all…assess the risk.

17
Risk
A HUGE governing factor in whether you’re going to have the affair or not, is if it’s an
acceptable risk. Risk is generally broken down in an affair into the elements of Discovery and
Punishment.

If the risk was 100 percent that you would be caught and/or the punishment was that your dick
would be cut off (Fantasy Choice #1 of many women)…there would either be NO more
affairs OR the divorce rate would soar through the 97 percent mark…unless you desire to be a
Eunuch. (There are men that do, scary as that thought might be.)

If you were 100 percent sure you were going to get caught there is about a 100 percent chance
you wouldn't have had the affair, unless you were looking to have your wife end the marriage
because you couldn't bring yourself to do it. If there was a 100 percent chance you were going
to get caught doing anything "wrong", like cheating on an exam, lying on your taxes, over
pricing the cost of water after a flood because it ruined the local water supply, burying toxic
waste in residential areas, or blowing up federal buildings in Oklahoma, you probably
wouldn't do it. But there isn't a 100 percent chance of getting caught so that’s why people do
those things.

As obvious as it might sound, we all assess risk differently because of our own life
experiences; some things are more acceptable to some people than to others. For instance, I
know some people who you couldn’t get to voluntarily jump out of a perfectly good airplane
for the simple thrill of falling back to earth at a breakneck terminal velocity of 100+ mph,
while others would (and do) risk life and limb to do just that.

If you're having an affair, and you happen to like the odds you currently think you have, by all
means keep doing what you're doing. If you have the slightest doubt about some of your
practices, then I would suggest a through review of the affair and an honest assessment of
your situation. There is no such thing as one roach. If you see one problem there are very
likely to be many others.

How YOU are going to assess risk is going to be different than how I would. Even so, I have
compiled a few things you may wish to keep in mind while you consider risk.

18
You

Who are you looking for?

Are you looking for sex with someone of a different color?
Are you looking for someone with a different hair color?
Someone with a different build, attitude, lifestyle?
Mutual friend of yours and your wife's?
The babysitter of LEGAL age?

Sacrifices
What are you willing/expected to give up? Money, time, etc….
What are you going to get for your sacrifice?
Working overtime for extra money?

Under what condition will you allow the affair to happen?

While on vacation?
Only under certain conditions of low risk?
How far away from home?
How much of a thrill is too much?
How likely are you to fall in love with your mistress?

How much crossover to home life is permissible?

Can your mistress call the house?
Can it be one of your wife's coworkers?

What do you have to loose?

Your marriage and all that implies
Seeing your kids on a daily basis?
How much money is it going to cost in either attorney and/or counseling fees?
Who gets the dog?

What is the duration?

How long do you expect the affair to go on?
How long do you want the affair to go on?
How will you end it?
Will you make her end it?

Are you looking for short term, long term, or something in the middle?

Her

How needy is she emotionally, financially, physically?

What does she have to loose? !!
What is she looking for? Is what she says, really what she is looking for?
Does she know your wife? If yes, how close is the relationship to her?
Is she married or in a relationship?
What is the benefit to her for the affair?
How likely is it for her to fall in love with you?

19
The Marriage

To have an affair you are going to have to betray the trust your wife has placed in you, get
comfortable with that for a minute. Be willing to lose a lot of things if you are discovered;
some are temporary, some are permanent.

Freedom
Marriage
Reputation
Material Items
Seeing your children everyday, or having them FULLTIME by yourself.
The house
The car
Money
Peace of mind

If discovered, what are you willing to do to rebuild your marriage?

Give up your girlfriend(s) PERMANENTLY
Change jobs
Go to Counseling
Wear a CB-2000
Concede to being questioned
Spend a lot more time with your wife and family
Deal with your wife's emotions about the affair
Give up previous freedoms and/or money that allowed the affair

Ground Work

Everything that’s done right and done consistently (except breathing) requires preparation.

Five Basic Points

The first thing you’re going to need is a post office box so you can get private mail and bank
statements, and so your correspondence does not run the risk of accidentally falling into the
wrong hands. The P.O. box should be well away from your home turf, possibly on the way to
work, but certainly no place where your wife or friends are likely to be.

The second thing you’re going to need is money. Chapman in his book: How to have the
"Perfect Secret Affair"(A definite must read, and is on the suggested reading list) suggests
getting a non-interest bearing checking account so you don’t have to report it to the IRS at tax
time. He also suggests getting a safety deposit box for sex toys etc. which is not a bad idea.

20
Do not get caught with credit cards or checks from your hidden account. You can fund this
account by way of alleged gambling losses; diminished payments to college funds, or
Christmas accounts; creating make believe bills for auto repairs (paid in cash of course); and
overstating the cost of legitimate expenses. I'm sure with a little imagination you can come up
with more ideas, but the main thing to remember is that the missing money must be accounted
for, or your wife will go through the family finances more thoroughly than a republican
forensic accountant auditing Whitewater.

"Wherever money moves, information moves along with it." - John Nolan

The third thing you’re going to need is a place to store things. I think the best place to
store personal items is at a 24 hour gym where you can rent a locker. Unlike the safety
deposit box, the locker is available to you all day or all night long, and you can store more
in it. I still recommend the safety deposit box as a place to store documents so they don’t
accidentally carry you into harms way. It's also an excellent place to put the EXTRA cash
your going to need as well. Private Investigators and some Internet sites suggest to wives
to look for credit card activity and CASH advances. Some men foolishly think as long as
it’s a cash advance it won't show up as Motel 6…do it enough times and a pattern will
emerge.

The fourth thing you’re going to need is a PLACE to have the affair. Find a motel out of
the way you can use or use your mistress's house. I will say this with all candor: If you
bring your mistress to your home, put this book down now, it can't possibly help. You
deserve to be caught, divorced, lose your house, your car, the kids, the boat, and the dog!
If you’re that stupid, I hope you die before you can breed. Bringing your mistress to your
home is the most insulting, disrespectful thing you can do to your wife, even if she doesn't
know, not to mention it makes you several orders of magnitude more likely to be caught!
Read any investigative book you like about affairs and they will ALL contain something
about the wife or husband coming home early or at an odd time and discovering the
affair…more to the point…it's a recommended technique in many investigation books to
ferret out a tryst. One wife suspected her husband of bringing women home during his
lunch break when she was at work. She always vacuumed the carpet in a particular way
after he left, then examined it closely when she got home, which was before her husband.
She was looking to see if there were two sets of foot prints, and if they were in a pattern
facing each other which might imply kissing. At the very least she could tell if someone
else had been there.

The fifth thing you’re going to need is a Powerful Mental Mindset. Envision yourself as a
battleship (OAD chapter), or some other personally powerful thing or animal. The success
or failure is up to you depending on how easily you can deal with the emotions you are
going to have. If you are going to feel great amounts of guilt you’re going to get caught; if
for no other reason than to relieve the pain of the guilt. So you need to be strong, and you
need to maintain control.

21
Safe Sex

I'm sure that you have already thought about this, but I would be remiss if I did not mention
disease and/or infection in some capacity. This is the day and age where extra marital sex can
not only kill you, but can kill your wife and possibly other members of your family as well.
While there is ongoing research into treatments for diseases such as AIDS, there is not yet a
vaccine or cure. I'm certain that you know this, but you are already in a risk taker mentality
and your actions stand a fair chance of killing the people you love. Your decisions could leave
your children without a father and/or mother. If you are thinking about participating in high
risk sex, prepare the speech you are going to give your wife and children, and to your family
beforehand. Imagine what it is going to be like to look into the eyes of the woman you love,
tell her that you’re HIV positive, and that you just might have killed her too. Please…please
be safe…don’t be sorry, and don’t be dead.

There are also the less lethal variety of bugs out there you can pick up and carry along to
partners known and unknown. Some, you may not even know you have, and some she may
not even know she has.

Bugs & Stealth Bugs

The following information comes largely from the Feminist Women's Health Center web page
on sexually transmitted diseases. www.fwhc.org. It would behoove you to pay attention to the
number of these diseases that can show no symptoms.

Disease Symptoms Incubation Cause Transmission Treatment Prognosis

Caution: Almost all of the
symptoms of AIDS are
very general and could be
signs of many other
conditions. If you are
concerned about any of
these symptoms, please
call an AIDS Hotline for HIV virus 3-6 Human Sexual activities that No known cure; Serious illness; death.
additional information. months; AIDS Immuno- exchange body AZT can slow
W&M: Rapid, 2-10 years, deficiency fluids. Blood infection for
AIDS / HIV unexplained weight loss, average 5-7. Virus contact, e.g., many people.
newly active TB, injection drug use Various
persistent, dry cough, with shared needles. treatments for
night sweats, persistent Infected mother to other illnesses
diarrhea, swollen lymph newborn. due to
glands, yeast in mouth, suppressed
unexplained short term immune system
memory loss, colored
patched, lumps in mouth,
on skin.
W: Common first
symptoms: Recurrent
PID, yeast, certain pre-
cancers of the cervix.

BACTERIAL W: Vaginal discharge, odor, Unknown Interaction Usually vaginal Oral antibiotics. Seriousness
VAGINOSIS itching, burning. of several intercourse, unknown; may play
M: No symptoms. bacteria However BV can role in post-partum
occur in women who infection / PID.
abstain.
W: Vaginal discharge,
CHLAMYDIA irregular bleeding, irritation 7-21 Days Chlamydia Vaginal, anal Oral antibiotics; PID for women;
in urethra, PID symptoms; trachomati intercourse. treat partners, sterility. Epididymitis /
2/3 have no symptoms. s bacteria use condom. prostatis / arthritis for
M: Penile discharge, itching, men.
burning; 1/3 have no
symptoms.

22
CRABS W&M: Itching, irritation in Louse Phthirus Usually sexual Topical lotion / None serious; itching
pubic region. Can often see transmitted pubis, intercourse, close shampoo; can continue after
Pubic Lice louse in underwear or on directly parasitic body contact. Non- Launder all treatment.
body – about the size of a louse sexual transmission infected objects.
pinhead. Lice eggs take 1 common; sharing
week to hatch, 2 weeks to infected bedding,
mature. towels, clothes.

GONORRHEA W: Vaginal discharge, 2-7 Days Neisseria Vaginal, anal Oral antibiotics; PID for women;
irregular bleeding, PID gonorrhea intercourse; Oral- treat partners, sterility. Epididymitis /
symptoms; 25-50% have no bacteria genital (throat use condom. prostatis / arthritis for
symptoms. infections for men.
M: Penile, anal discharge, receiver of penis).
burning, itching, 5-10% have
no symptoms.
Death from chronic
About 30% of persons have 45 to 180 days Hepatitis Sexual activities that There is no liver disease occurs
no signs or symptoms. B virus exchange body specific in: 15-25% of
Hepatitis B Symptoms can include: (HBV) fluids. Blood treatment for chronically infected
Jaundice, fatigue, abdominal contact, e.g., hepatitis B. persons
pain, loss of appetite, injection drug use There is no cure.
nausea, vomiting, joint pain with shared needles. Chronic infection
Shared razors. There is a occurs in: 90% of
Signs and symptoms are Infected mother to vaccine available infants infected at
less common in children newborn. Breast to uninfected birth. 30% of children
than adults milk. persons. infected at age 1 - 5
years. 6% of persons
infected after age 5
years.

W&M: Before outbreak: 5-21 Days Herpes Vaginal, anal, No known cure; Serious only for
itching, tingling, sensitivity in Simplex intercourse. Oral- oral acyclovir pregnant women; if
area, flu-like symptoms. oral contact; oral- used to suppress first outbreak while
Outbreak: Blister type sore I & II genital-anal contact. frequent pregnant, can cause
HERPES breaks open to leave raw, Actively infected outbreaks. If premature delivery;
painful area, scabs over. (HSV) mother to newborn. sores are anal or recurrence during
Occurs on mouth, penis, if acyclovir does delivery; can infect
labia, vagina, cervix, and not control newborn.
anus. Estimated that 2/3 recurrences, get
herpes cases may be HIV test.
transmitted unknowingly
during incubation, due to
misdiagnosis, atypical
symptoms, shedding of virus
when some sores not
present, visible.

MOLLUSCUM W&M: Small, shiny bumps Several weeks Virus Sexual intercourse. Liquid nitrogen or None serious, but
CONTAGIOSUM with a core, usually appear Non-sexual removal of core often hard to get rid
around genitals, thighs, transmission with sterile of.
buttocks and lower common: close needle.
abdomen. contact.

NGU M: Same as chlamydia, 7-21 Days Usually Vaginal, anal Oral antibiotics, See chlamydia /
Non- gonorrhea. chlamydia intercourse. treat partners, gonorrhea.
Gonococcal use condoms.
Urethritis

PID W: Abdominal pain, Depends on Usually Vaginal intercourse. Oral antibiotics; Increased risk tubal
Pelvic discharge, fever, nausea, infecting chlamydia no sexual pregnancy, infertility,
Inflammatory irregular bleeding. Estimated organism or activity; treat chronic pelvic pain.
Disease 50% may be asymptomatic. gonorrhea partners. If
recurs frequently,
get HIV test.

W&M: Severe itching, red Sarcopties Sexual intercourse. Topical lotion / None serious, but
rash. Several days to scabiei, Non-sexual shampoo; itching can be severe.
weeks "itch mite" transmission Launder all
SCABIES
common: close infected objects.
contact, sharing
bedding, towels,
clothing.

23
 W&M: Disease has three 10-90 Days; Treponema Vaginal, anal Penicillin by Serious for 30%
stages: 1 st – Single, average 20-25 pallidum intercourse. Oral- injection; always who advance to
SYPHILIS painless sore, crater-like days bacteria genital contact. have HIV test. stage 3;
with smooth, rounded Infected mother degeneration of
edges. 2 nd – Skin rash on to newborn. major body systems,
back, stomach, hands, death; untreated
feet; flat, warty growths. pregnant women
3 rd – Severe damage to pass to newborn.
tissue, brain, nervous
system.

W: Vaginal discharge, About 7 days Trichomonas Vaginal, anal Oral antibiotics. None serious.
TRICHOMONAS burning, itching, odor. vaginalis intercourse.
M: Penile discharge, protozoa
burning, but rarely has
symptoms.

W&M: Florid (visible) warts 3 weeks to 8 Human Vaginal, anal No known cure Certain strains may
range from small slightly months average, Papilloma intercourse. for virus – warts increase risk of
raised bumps to larger, but can be up to Virus (HPV) Actively infected do recur; specific cervical cancer in
WARTS rough-textured bumps. Flat 18-20 months. mother to wart infections women; not known if
(non-visible) warts create trachea of can be treated by increase cancer risk
changes in cell structure newborn. various methods for men.
that can be seen only with depending on
certain clinical tests. May site and type of
itch. Occur on penis, labia, wart. If warts are
vagina, cervix, anus. anal, get HIV
Estimated 40-60% warts test.
are flat type, showing no
symptoms.

YEAST W: White, clumpy vaginal N/A Overgrowth of Partners do not Vaginal creams; None serious.
Candida discharge, itching, burning yeast in become infected, if treatment does
Monilla and inflammation. vagina. just affected by not control, have
M: Rash, irritation on penis symptoms. HIV test.
from contact with
partner’sdischarge.

Note; there is a vaccine prior to infection for hepatitis B for people who engage in
high-risk behavior. *
You have enough to worry about with deceiving your wife, managing your mistress, holding
down a job, and obeying the hormonal commands of your erection. Why make life anymore
complicated for yourself than necessary? So…
Slip into your encounter suit

make sure your snake has a skin * dress your friend for company
put the candy in a wrapper * spit in the spunk spittoon
use fornication filtration * slip on that banana peel
gift wrap your package * don your rubber sock
seal that head gasket * wear a crash helmet
find a spoo keeper * get your party hat
wear a love glove * constrict that boa
put on a glad bag * wrap that salami
cork that geyser * use a fish skin
use a raincoat * bag that bone
…and lastly

Muzzle That Slut Puppy!

24
It doesn't really matter if you use spermicidal condoms or not according to Dear Delilah
www.oxygen.com/experts/delilah/delilah_19970123.html because “The actual dose of the
active ingredient delivered by a spermicidally lubricated condom is quite small, making them
unlikely to be more effective in preventing pregnancy and STDs than regular condoms.” The
important thing is that you use them.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
- A. Neff

INTRODUCTION TO REASONS FOR AFFAIRS

"So, although the affair was possible only while he was abroad, it did make him receptive to a
concept the French discovered years ago. Every man worth his salt deserves a mistress as well
as a wife and mother. Thus fully womanned, John was ready to face the future, even if, in all
likelihood, he would never be able to explain how things turned out that way!" Stalemates by
Marcella Weiner, Ed.D. and Bernard D. Starr, Ph.D. (Pg. 38)

The reason for affairs are many, perhaps it is that a person doesn’t feel enough attention is
being paid to them, or maybe not enough actual physical contact, which can sometimes be
mistaken as love. So they seek that out someplace else, or with that someone else who will
show them more attention and help them feel better about themselves. This also can be
mistaken for love. Quite frequently the powerful forces that bring people together, such as
loneliness or crisis, etc. can simulate the feeling of love. But, like many things that are born
under special circumstances, they tend to fade or disappear after the conditions are over. The
writer Jason C. Paul wrote, in a piece called "Looking for Reality in the Emotional Mist and
Smoke":

The people frequently starved, what was there seems to have vanished like magic. This
is only how it seems, the reality is, it seems to have vanished because it wasn’t real in
the first place, it was manufactured.…If it is true that a large part of how we feel about
someone is chemical, then the truth is real but ephemeral, lasting only as long as the
drink can be served. If it is based on the appeal of beauty, it may change with the setting
sun. If the foundation for my feelings rests on the mind, I may not be satisfied but a
moment. If my love is rooted in the soul perhaps then it can last forever.

There are many proponents of the unnaturalness of monogamy, and they do indeed back it up
with some compelling evidence about the lengths we as males go to, to spread our seed as far
and as wide as possible. Praying mantises for example lose their life about 1/3 of the time
trying to have sex with the female, but even imminent death does not deter this sexual trooper
who will still be trying, and in some cases succeeding, in copulating with the female while she
is munching on his head. Some spider species have a 100 percent mortality rate after
copulating with the female. This is how strong the urge to reproduce can be in nature. As for
men, we tend to be far less picky about who we have sex with than women do. A friend of
mine calls this dog mode: "If you can't eat it or fuck it, piss on it".

25
According to evolutionary psychology, human males (along with certain other species),
generally try to spread their genetic material as far and as wide as possible. The sexual urge is
no less compelling in females either. Research by Baker and Bellis suggests that women tend
to become more sexually interested and/or promiscuous at or near their the times when they
are the most fertile, and that the retention of sperm was almost twice as likely to happen with
the extra marital lover than with their regular lover or husband. This is something to keep in
mind when you are having your fling. She is twice as likely to be impregnated by you than her
regular lover, if she has one. Some research suggests women become more sexually
appealing, due to chemical pheromone production, during ovulation. Certain chemicals in
your body, released through sweating, may help to make a woman more fertile (among other
things) as well.
Monogamy in the wild is the rare exception, not even close to being the rule. From the male
perspective, we see the lion’s pride, the wolf’s pack, and the gorilla’s harem. If we listen to
what nature tells us, it does not appear that we make very good candidates for monogamy.
From the female perspective, we generally observe the selecting of the best of the best, or as
many of the best of the best as she can for procreation. She makes a better candidate for
monogamy if you ignore the cuckoldry factor…hell even with it she is far less likely to stray
than you are, though if the research is to be believed, she strays when it's most likely to turn
into a plot twist in a soap opera.

There is, of course, more than simple biology mixed into the dynamics of adultery. There are
the political, cultural and religious influences dominating nearly every aspect of our society,
placing shame and humiliation on women, and releasing men (by and large) from these same
standards of behavior. Women are the home wreckers, sluts, and whores; men are the players,
studs, and gigolos. Depending on how open your mind actually is, if you read When God was
a Woman by Merlin Stone, you will see that this wasn't always the case.

The first religions almost all worshiped female deities and in certain societies, such as in
prehistoric Egypt (3000+ BCE), social structure was almost 180 degrees across from
everything you are currently used to. Men stayed at home, cooked and cleaned, and raised the
children. Women were the caretakers of government, law, religion, and medicine. Men had to
be plied with alcohol and romanced with poetry to "give it up". (All it takes these days is a
quarter inch of exposed skin, and a six pack for courage if she hasn't bathed in four or more
days) Power rested with women because they gave life, and the source of life at that time was
still quite a bit of a mystery. They didn't know that men and sperm played at least half of the
role in conception. The family name passed on the mother's side because, while you might not
know who daddy was (or even if there was one), you always knew who your mother was.
Funny how little things change over time huh?

Some other reasons you might be having an affair are: the venerable mid-life crisis; the
invention of and your subsequent prescription approval for Viagra (you wanted to have an
affair before, but the power tools didn't have the juice); that you gave up your addictions to
gambling, cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, and crack (if you’re going to have an addiction, you
might as well have one you really enjoy); or maybe your television/computer broke. (As we
all know, an affair is the ultimate in the escapist entertainment). If you are having an affair
because you are one of those people addicted to dramatic situations, don't bother with the
affair, just start therapy as soon as possible. Everyone but Jerry Springer will thank you.

26
Make no mistake, a standard affair is first and foremost a selfish act. Your wife isn't going to
buy the excuse "Honey I did it for us…to take the pressure off of you." Your decision to have
an affair is not about the other woman, or about your wife, it’s about you. Is there such a thing
as a considerate affair?…I think so, it involves doing things to minimize the pain if
discovered, even so, don't expect your mate to reward you for your "acts of thoughtfulness."
Some research in The Journal of Sex Research, Sept 1997 suggests a link between finances
and how women feel about their husbands having extra curricular sexual involvements. In
Thailand the women were more concerned with the family resources being diverted to a
mistress, or worse yet a minor wife (acts in the capacity of a second wife), than the actual acts
of infidelity themselves, although those were not entirely inoffensive or desired acts either.
This is not necessarily the way women in other parts of the world look at it, but obviously
some of the elements are certainly there. The article goes on to express their cultural view that
"it is natural for a man to pursue sex at every opportunity." It further states:
In the views of a number of our informants (interviewees), the sexual needs of men,
married or not, include the desire for a variety of sexual partners. Men are seen as
becoming bored with having sex with the same woman, and thus in need of at least an
occasional variation in their partner. This included the need for a married man to have
at least an occasional change from his wife, although our informants also recognized
that not all men are the same in this respect.
This, of course, is nothing like what men in America or other countries think. Oh wait…what
the hell was I thinking, maybe the Thai have a lot more in common with the male desires
worldwide, but have the societal understanding (freed from our puritanical roots) which can
allow it to become more than just a fantasy. The depth of your emotional commitment to your
mistress might play a factor in whether you can keep your marriage intact if you are
discovered having an affair. The study illustrates this point: “Wives typically feel far more
threatened by ordinary women who engage sexually with their husband than by commercial
sex workers, who require neither extensive emotional nor resource commitment.” To your
wife, emotional attachment is far more threatening than physical attachment, and probably
goes a long way toward explaining why when women have affairs, it is so hard for men to
forgive them. Right or wrong, men tend to believe that most women (their wives especially)
have sex with people they feel emotionally close to. If she fucks around on you she must feel
something for the other person. Men of course believe (as do I) that they can have sex with no
emotional attachment to the other person whatsoever. This belief is probably the progenitor of
the statement “It was just sex…it didn't MEAN anything!” The "It's just sex" argument is also
supposed to convey that no emotion was betrayed during the grunting session. Women don't
see it that way, obviously, but women, like men, tend to make judgments from their own
perspective first and everyone else's second.
Something else you should be aware of, in relation to finance, is whether the wife handles the
bills or not. Women normally pay very close attention to the household finances. If more and
more money goes unaccounted for it raises red flags, and if your wife finds out you have spent
large sums of money on a paramour it's going to add salt to the wound. One woman
interviewed had this to say about this subject:
The reason women marry, other than love, is for security both emotional and financial.
A woman can forgive an affair but not a threat to financial security, because it is a
threat to the family itself. We live in a society that places monetary value on
everything. If you lose a finger on the job, your medical insurance has a set amount for
27
 that body part. Higher monetary value equals a higher status value. The wife has a
vested interest in the marriage and its success. She will not tolerate any undermining
of her position. If the man is spending more on the mistress, then it gives the mistress a
higher value. Men are who they are: Jim Thompson. Women on the other hand, derive
their value from their husbands: MRS. Jim Thompson. What is given value by the
husband reflects on the value of the wife. If she begins to feel her “stock” is slipping,
she may decide to “sell off” before it collapses entirely. If there are children involved,
she will be even more protective. She married to provide a safe and comfortable nest
in which to raise her young. Threaten that and reap dire consequences. A wife in a
devalued position has NOTHING to lose and everything to gain in a divorce, or even
worse, may decide to stay on and make the husband’s life a living hell as punishment
for the loss of self-esteem.

Much of this research mirrors closely the research of Abraham Maslow. If you have had to
take a basic psychology class, you know that he is the creator of the psychological model
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, which you had to memorize. For those of you who haven't been
exposed to Mr. Maslow, his theory postulated that all human beings have 5 basic sets of needs
(physiological, security, love, esteem, and self actualization), and they must be fulfilled in a
certain order to progress to the next level of growth and understanding. The five levels start
with our first and most basic needs, which are our physiological needs. These include our
basic needs for food, clothing, shelter, sleep, water, and lizard brain stuff like air for
breathing, defecation, urination, and sex. Until we can satisfy these basic needs we can't be
concerned with anything else, or progress to the next level. This basic understanding is why
church missions feed the homeless first and preach the gospel second, or why school lunch
programs are necessary to help children learn. (Just for the record Ketchup is still a condiment
not a fucking vegetable, no matter what the Reagan administration says).

The second level of Maslow's Hierarchy deals with the our need for security. This deals with
an environment which allows us to feel safe (physically and emotionally), to be able to raise a
family, and to be able to keep our possessions.

The third level deals with our human need for love, both social and personal. Not the sexual
kind of love, but rather the feelings of affection and acceptance one gets from a friendship or a
sense of belonging. We have a basic need to be needed and appreciated by others.

The forth level up we find our esteem or ego needs. This level deals with our sense of
accomplishment, our self-respect, and pride.

The fifth level deals with the highest of all human desires and that is self actualization. It is at
this level that a human being tries to be the best they can be as a person, to, as Webster puts it,
"realize fully one's potential". It is at this level of need satisfaction that we have the luxury
(hopefully accompanied with the desire) to help out our fellow man, our community, and our
world. This is probably the mindset of our forefathers when they hammered out the details in
the constitution, which laid the groundwork for the Bill of Rights.

28
These needs are often presented in the form of a pyramid, which indicates the foundation each
of the needs is built upon, and its importance (Not because of some messianic pyramid thing).
For instance, liberty is a need at the top, and is supported by everything underneath it. Take
away someone's feeling of safety or security, and you can see why people are willing to trade
their liberty for security, even though Ben Franklin chastised that “Those who trade their
liberty for security deserve neither.” Liberty is supported by security and until that is taken
care of, well…you don't care about it, or so the theory goes.

Whether monogamy is natural or unnatural is actually irrelevant, if you got married and said
"I will love honor and cherish you, but I may sleep around" she knew what she bargained for
and vise versa. BUT you promised to be faithful to her, you gave your word...that's where the
troubles actually root from in an affair. To argue the unnaturalness of monogamy after you’re
married, or in a committed relationship, is little more than "excuse making." This is an eyes
wide open type of book, I want you to understand fully what you’re getting yourself into. To
quote Will Rogers: “There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by reading (which I
hope is you). The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
fence for themselves.” I don’t want you to be blindsided by the unexpected. If you’re going to
have an affair you might as well make it as enjoyable as possible, and getting your emotional
and financial teeth knocked out (not to mention the real ones) just doesn't sound like a real
good time to me, but maybe I'm just funny that way. One gentleman tells me to this day about
his affair; "It wasn't worth it, looking back, with all I had to loose, it just wasn't worth it."

It's All About Sex

Many men dream and fantasize about a woman who can chew a vibrator down to its batteries.
If the reason for your affair is actually about sex and not to meet some ego or other
psychological need, then you should probably know a few things before you start to pursue an
extra marital relationship. Perhaps your wife's sex drive is not on the same level as yours.
There are many possibilities for this, with accompanying remedies. Checking into these
possibilities and solutions may provide a more harmonious solution to your problem than the
creation of a double life or paternity suits. Maybe she is a bit more stressed out than usual,
exercise and a better diet with vitamin supplements such as B complex may help her cope and
feel better. Maybe it's you. You’ve put on 200 pounds, and she feels like an accident victim at
a truck wreck because you insist on being on top. Some medications such as blood pressure
and various anti-depressants could be adversely affecting her sex drive. This can be remedied
with either a change or reduction in medication. Natural conditions such as vaginal dryness, or
lower hormone levels after menopause, can be treated with lubricating gels, Hormone
Replacement Therapy, or with low levels of testosterone. Her lower sex drive may even be
related to an undiagnosed medical condition from child bearing, or other physiological
29
problems such as a hooded clitoris, which prevents proper stimulation to the clitoris (most
women need direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to reach climax). A simple surgery could
make for big improvements in both of your levels of sexual satisfaction. The point is that
there might be a more rewarding solution for both you, and your wife, without the inherent
dangers of cultivating an affair.

If it's a matter of rejection of sexual requests, then this is a horse of a different color. If your
wife doesn't want to try new things, or the things you really want, then you can suppress those
desires. More likely, if the opportunity arises for you to test the thrills of your fantasy against
reality, you’re going to be face down, spread eagle, and dealing with a (hopefully) lubricated
strap-on, stimulating your prostate and making your eyes bug out of your skull.

If it's a matter of you being afraid to discuss the request with your wife, you might need to
work on better communication skills and not an affair. You can best accomplish broaching the
subject by using materials like videos, books with sex toys, or reading sexual stories to each
other, stopping to ask if that might be something she is interested in. She will most likely
follow the reading example you have given, and stop at certain areas to ask you if it's
something you might like to try. The biggest problems for men in this area are the fear of
rejection, loss of respect, and emasculation for suggesting what she considers to be
unconventional desires. The loss of a marriage is an easier cross to bear than the ridicule and
rejection from those we respect and love.

The writer bit into my soul and its secrets and shames and pains spewed like
blood before me. What I had considered so personal and so private lay bare in
words not yet my own. It gave to me an understanding, that which separated
me from my fellow beings and left me so alone, was not without a fellow, a
like minded sinner. I could rejoice if only from within that I was not alone. -
Jason C. Paul Private Notes

It is typically easier for a man to request these sexual favors from a mistress or prostitute,
because there is infinitely less risk of her reaction being as damaging as the potential ridicule
from the wife. If the affair is conducted properly, there is little chance of anyone other than
the two partners ever knowing the awful secret.

There is a saying that goes “the more things change, the more things get fucked up." I know
this because it's my saying, but it also applies to what happens in a marriage after awhile.
People change, sometimes they grow apart, and sometimes they grow together. Since there are
fewer problems with people growing together, let's deal with them growing apart. There are,
of course, the obvious problems such as divergent views of politics, religion, morality,
medicine, news, music, homosexuality, and toe jam. There are many situations where
differing views do not weaken the relationship between two people, so having different views
is not necessarily the problem. More likely, is that at some point either you or your wife have
stopped listening and/or respecting each other’s opinions and views. You have been looking at
your toes and monotonously moving one foot in front of the other day after day, year after
year, until one day you look up and realize that you cannot remember “way back when”
before your life became monotone and vacant. Your wife looks at you much the same way as
strangers passing on the street do, and you begin to wonder what's next…for both of you. You
can, of course, see if there is anything in the relationship worth salvaging, and if not strike out
on your own, but chances are you’re going to keep the same stable environment and go from
30
there. You probably figure that you and your wife live pretty much like roommates, so there
really isn't much of a loss anyway you look at it. While this might be true, you should still
have a discussion with your wife about the future, and how you both see yourself in another
ten to twenty years. Make a decision about your actions based on information and not
speculation. If you still feel like you want what an affair might provide you, then you have
made a sound, though likely unpopular, decision. If your wife feels the same way you do, she
might not even care you’re having an affair, as long as you still respect her and don't throw it
up in her face.

"Commitment can mean nothing more than an involvement that has outlived its original
justification." - Jared Diamond The Curse of QWERTY

Only as Directed

This section is more or less a tribute to my personal philosophy that something can be learned
by any event on God's green earth. No matter who your God or Gods happen to be. The lesson
could be as simple as don't put paper clips into electrical sockets, which if you’re like me, you
learned early in life. If I were Thomas Edison I'd have learned that electricity has many
beneficial uses, like the light bulb.

If you only use information as directed it will only get you as far as the surface of the material
presented. It may help you to read Never Be Lied to Again by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. in
order to buy that new car at the best deal, but to go BEYOND the pages of material and bend
this information to your needs and desires is a good part of what this book is about. Do not
just read this book for the contained information, use the further reading recommendations,
think about the stories and how you might handle them, and improve upon them. Think
beyond what is being told and some of the solutions presented. What you are either
undertaking, or contemplating is so important to get right, that you ought to leave as little as
possible to chance. Remember "Chance favors the prepared mind".

The following are some concept "tools" you can use to help keep things together.

The Beginning Is The End

Here is a hard and fast rule about all affairs; ALL affairs end. Every last one of them either
run their course and burn out; explode like a star in a blinding flash of discovery and
revelation; or in extremely rare cases, form a new lifelong relationship. But they ALL end
sooner or later. Know this rule, keep it in your mind when you enter the hotel room and when
you leave your lover’s bed. Use it when you are feeling too attached, or when you start feeling
pangs of guilt or remorse. Remember this at all times in some way. It will keep you from
31
making mistakes both basic and exotic and help you plan the ending on terms acceptable to
you. In the beginning have an exit plan…because it will not last.

One working theory I have is that women stay with men for only two reasons: love or money.
There are no other motivations. All other reasons distill into these choices. Neither reason is
bad as long as everyone is having their needs satisfied. You can easily discern which category
your wife falls into. If she is affectionate, kind, considerate and having sex with you on a
regular basis, it's love. A loving wife will more easily forgive you because she still believes
you to be a good man, but a man who has made a ghastly mistake.

If she is functioning as a wife more for "appearances", and you could qualify as a priest based
on the amount of affection and sex received, you know it's for money. Your financial status,
by the way, makes little or no difference. You don't have to be rich or poor. She will stay with
you for money simply because she chooses not to let her financial situation worsen. If she's
with you for the money, she will put up with affairs by using "blinders" as long as the family
finances remain the same or continue to improve. However, if she has the option to trade you
in for better model you can almost bet she will; a word of caution, everyone has their limits.

Warship
One simple concept you can use is to understand this is how a battleship can survive a hit to
her waterline. A warship is compartmentalized. In a state of war a battleship is sealed each
part from the others by watertight doors, each hit can only do damage to that part of this ship,
the watertight doors are closed preventing the sea from rushing in and drowning the ship and
crew. So you must become compartmentalized, and this means that in order for you to
survive various levels of discovery you must be watertight, you must know who knows what,
and how much they know. In a ship the more compartments and doors you have, the more hits
you can take and still survive. In people terms, the more that know the fewer doors you have,
the larger an area that can be flooded, and the fewer hits you can take. Be a Battleship, not the
Titanic.
In short, the fewer people who know the better off you are.

“KOBAYASHI MARU”
Another concept that will prove very useful is the Kobayashi Maru. How many of you
remember the phrase “Kobayashi Maru” from Star Trek II the Wrath of Khan? Captain James
T. Kirk "The only man to beat the no-win scenario" while in Star Fleet Academy as a cadet.
He, like all bridge officers, was faced with the Kobayashi Maru scenario. If you recall the
Kobayashi Maru it was where a cadet, acting as the captain of a starship, was put
unknowingly into a situation (to save the crew of the freighter Kobayashi Maru stranded in
the neutral zone) with no hope of actually being able to do it. It was an intentional no-win
situation, but they never told the cadets (much like life). Kirk was destroyed easily the first
time, so he replayed the scenario over and over, every time he figured out how to beat the
previous situation, the computer changed the simulation just enough to allow it to destroy the
ship and crew. When our valiant young officer realized the computer was in effect cheating to
win, he cheated… he reprogrammed the simulation so he could beat the “no win scenario”, in
a rather flamboyant way I may add. (If you want to read the story The Kobayashi Maru it's
written by Julia Ecklar and available in paperback or audio book read by James Doohan /
Chief Engineer Scott).
32
He did it by NOT playing within the rules. We all have situations where a little creativity
could easily change the outcome of situations to our favor. If you’re playing a “game” where
you know you’re going to loose…why play? And if you have to play, why play by the rules
that cast you as the loser, especially if you don’t have to.

In short…change the rules. Ask yourself: What will it take to win? Am I willing to do what it
takes to win?

The Art of War

“All warfare is based on deception;

therefore, when capable, feign incapacity; when active, inactivity.
when near, make it appear that you are far away; when far away, that you are near.”
- Sun Tzu

The book The Art of War is probably one of the best books for all around strategy you can
ever read. Its concepts are applicable to almost all areas of any conflict you will ever
encounter. The only thing you may need to modify are the tools, or weapons, appropriate to
the type of battle in which you are engaged. The philosophies and methods have been used in
business, relationships, war (of course), sports, and strategy games such as chess. The Art of
War has shaped and destroyed nations and militaries for thousands of years, and it is even
being inculcated in our American military doctrine. (It's mandatory reading in the Russian
high command) This is pretty remarkable, considering the book is two and a half thousand
years old, about half as old as the pyramids in Egypt. It is considered by some to be one of the
major reasons the Viet Cong did as well as they did. Pretty much all of the strategy can be
umbrellaed under this quote from the book; "Know thy enemy and know thyself, and in a
hundred battles you shall not be imperiled." Which is not unlike Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry
"A man's got to know his limitations."

You are going to have to take an honest look at your strengths and weaknesses, and
compare/contrast them against your wife’s and mistress’s. Your wife and mistress are not in
the strictest sense the enemy, rather it is the discovery of your affair and/or persons who
would have it disclosed. This includes emotions such as guilt, inclinations of confession, and
others. These are the elements that need to be set upon with all great intention and the strategy
of warfare. “The general who wins a battle makes many calculations in his temple before the
battle is fought. The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand.” -Sun
Tzu on Laying Plans. Some things to consider in your calculations are how well you can lie to
either of them; how credible your excuses are; how much your wife loves you, and what can
you get away with because of that; what drains on resources are there (e.g.; time/money); how
much guilt can you handle; what she is going to find the most objectionable and why; what is
going to hurt you and why; etc, etc, etc. One very important thing to remember here is that
Ego has no place when making these assessments or you are sure to make devastating,
fundamental blunders worthy of the Taliban leader Mullah Mohammad Omar.

33
Deconstruction

One of the more simple tools used to control deleterious emotions such as guilt or pain is
called deconstruction, or objectifying the problem or person. This can be used with your
mistress if you feel like you’re getting too close and losing control.

The problem with most problems is dealing with the emotional elements connected either
directly to them, or surrounding them. Deconstructing a person or the elements of a problem is
by and large a left brain operation, and thus uses little or no emotion in the process. Another
benefit of deconstruction is that it makes problem solving much easier because you have all of
the elements in front of you, and a solution generally tends to "pop" out of the information.

Let's take a look at how this might be done with a problem like a friend lying to you. This is a
bad situation to be in, is potentially emotionally charged, and could cloud your judgment. The
first thing to do is break out a piece of paper and try to list the following things: Needless to
say this paper or .doc file needs to be destroyed, secured, password protected or white fonted
when finished (see Computer section)

Threat Assessment

Would this person reveal compromising information about you? If the answer is “no”,
then no real threat exists and you have the luxury of time to determine why he is lying
to you. Hell maybe he is having his own affair and doesn't want YOU to know.
If the answer is “yes”, you might have a problem.
What would motivate your friend to lie to you? What's his payoff?
Can you subvert that motivation, or eliminate it completely?
What information does he know or thinks he knows?
How damaging is this information and can you explain it away?
What weaknesses does he have and how can that help you?
What "leverage" do you have over him?
Can you discredit him personally?
Can you find or create an alternate story for his facts?
If confronted, can you sidetrack him to a tangent?
Is there a bigger distraction you can use to deflect attention from you?
Can you distance yourself from him?
Can you explain to your wife why you have distanced yourself from him?

Analyze this situation to death from every angle. Trivializing the sex as just sex is an excellent
way of remaining emotionally distant. Remember the strength of the deconstruction approach
lies in dissecting a person or problem like a frog in biology class (do not take this literally), to
remove from basic thinking the emotional element that confuses the issue, and thus arrive at a
pragmatic solution to the current problem. There is a potential problem with this approach, in
that once the emotion is gone it might be hard to regain it again. So deconstructing your wife
should be done with great care.

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Boiling a Frog

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this analogy, if you take a frog and place it in a pot
of boiling water it will jump out relatively unscathed, but if you take the frog, put it in
lukewarm water, and slowly turn up the heat, by the time it realizes it’s in trouble its strength
has been tapped and it can't escape…dinner is served. Let’s just hope you don't cook easily or
taste like chicken. This concept is used in several books ranging from 101 Lies by Dory
Hollander Ph.D.; to Get Anyone to Do Anything, by David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. It is essentially
this: using a series of small acceptances to get to a larger one, the intended one. Most people
don't start with mainlining an illegal drug like heroin, but rather start with drugs like alcohol,
cigarettes, coke, etc if you believe in the "gateway or stepping stone" drug theory.

Another example of boiling a frog, is the sexual progression: kissing, hugging, fondling,
groping beneath the clothing, manual stimulation of the genital area, working up into two
naked bodies wreathing around each other, and the man saying things like, "I'll just put the
head in." then it's "I'll pull out before I cum"…ending with…"Damn I didn't expect it to cum
that fast."

This is a slippery slope and it has way markers. Decide on where to make a stand and stick to
it if it's happening to you. If you’re doing the pushing, don't try to cook the frog without
making it comfortable in the pot first.

Arguing

“…A soldier's spirit is keenest in the morning; by noonday it has begun to flag; and in the
evening, his mind is bent only on returning to camp. A clever general, therefore, avoids an
army when its spirit is keen, but attacks when it is sluggish and inclined to return.”
- Sun Tzu on The Art of Studying Moods.

To know when it is most advantageous for your wife to conduct an interrogation and/or argue
with you, will help you be able to better prepare for it. If you are dealing with a smart woman,
the more important the subject, the later in the day the conversation will be held. She will
have spent the whole day in preparation and calculation; feeding you a large turkey meal
(turkey contains a chemical called tryptophan which makes you sleepy. Managing Your Mind
and Mood Through Food by Judith Wurtman Ph.D. and Margaret Danbrot) or like foods,
planned out the presentations of facts and speculations, and waited for the right
moment…then and only then, will the assault take place. For your part you must counter this
by starting with denial, and then pointing out the "unfairness" of the situation, then telling her
you will discuss it when you are more awake. Bid goodnight and go to sleep, in bed or on the
couch, or if it still persists, crash at a friends place. Do not fight or argue when you are
disadvantaged.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- Unknown

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Eat your Cake, and Have it Too

An acquaintance upon discovering the topic of this book made the remark, “So, it’s a book for
those men that want to eat their cake and have it too.” I explained to her NO. That what a
marriage or a committed relationship is, is the cake or the substance of the relationship,
anything after that is the frosting. The problem is that when we start this relationship it might
not have all of the “frosting” or sprinkles we want, but since we love that person it doesn’t
matter. We come to find out later that it does matter and our partners either won’t or can’t
fulfill the other needs. It might even be that we are afraid to admit to our wives that we like to
put on their fishnet stockings and lace underwear. Whatever the reason, we need to have that
extra little something to feel complete. It’s the five or ten percent that men are looking to
fulfill in an affair, not the whole cake and trimmings, we already have MOST of that. This is
the reason I think most of the relationships where men leave their wives for their mistresses
fail. He is starting with the frosting and covering it with cake; it's reversed. They can be the
exact same ingredients, but they are in the wrong order. When he pursued his wife he was
looking for someone to spend his life with, she was the cake or the foundation of the
relationship. She had almost all of the ingredients he felt would make him happy for the rest
of his life…“If only” she had chocolate sprinkles too.

Point the Finger That Way 

This is of course about the classic tried and true method of passing the buck.
Psychology Today, May/June, 1993 “Myths of Infidelity”: “One trick for avoiding personal
blame and responsibility is to blame the marriage itself (too early, too late, too soon after
some event)." It's not your fault that things turned out this way. You were pressured into the
marriage, she was pregnant and you wanted to do the right thing, it was a rebound
relationship, or it was before you got on your medication/after you got on your medication.
People change over time and you have grown apart, you love her but you’re not “in love” with
her. It's not your fault…it's just the way things are sometimes. You can't take the pressure. It's
the pressure from your family. You’re allergic to cats/dogs/hamsters/goldfish. You have to
find yourself. You hate the cooking. The house is never clean. She has let herself go. You
can't help yourself, you’re a sex addict. Blame it on Baywatch. The Powerful forces of
hormonal overload make you do bad things sometimes. Your medication is too high/low. It
was the stars (Jupiter was rising into Virgo). Your dick has a mind of its own. Do not look at
each lie and feel guilt about it, consider all the lies as one.

I'm sure you get the idea, and I'm sure you can find something to point the finger at…if you’re
lucky you might even have something to put your finger in. Another way to rationalize the
guilt that you might feel is to tell yourself that it will never happen again with anybody else,
or that it will just never happen again. However, do not let guilt compel you to start
purchasing unusual and/or expensive gifts for absolutely no reason. If it's going to bother you
that much, wait ‘til a holiday, hell, there are enough holidays that women expect gifts anyway,
just tack it onto one of those: an extra large diamond, or twice as many roses, or two sets of
dildos. There is a small warning here, if you are buying sex toys to appease your wife, or if
she has been wanting more sex and you haven't had the desire to satisfy her, you might be
more emotionally involved with your mistress than you realize. If you start to get the feeling
that you’re cheating on your mistress with your wife, you are probably already in too deep and
this could lead to a very messy emotional situation.
36
 If you're feeling guilty and you start drinking, get the fuck out of the house because there is
no telling what is liable to dribble out of your mouth to your wife. Being drunk is going to
make you vulnerable to interrogation. No matter how bad you feel, you can feel worse by the
time she gets done with you, and in the morning, that hangover is going to be twice as bad.
You will probably prefer an atomic bomb going off between your legs as opposed to having to
deal with that crap the morning after. This ought to be an indicator that it might be time to end
the affair as well. If it's not enjoyable anymore then why do it?

Self Toxification

While it might be true that a man’s insanity with sex can be tracked from his first erection,
and his second bout of insanity can be tracked to his bottle of Viagra, some men I believe
suffer from a condition I call "sperm poisoning". Women call it "thinking with the little head"
but we know that there isn't any thinking mechanism down there (which admittedly could be
their point). I believe there is a yet unidentified chemical that is secreted into the blood
stream and impairs the man’s ability to think rationally when confronted with a nice pair of
breasts, which activates his sperm, and as a side effect makes his nose heavy. Some day soon I
suspect that medical science will produce the evidence to confirm this hypothesis.

According to the web site king.igs.net/~rogersk/mono.htm, British researchers have already

established a direct correlation between testicle size and promiscuity with about 100 subjects
studied. The bigger they are…the more you want to use ‘em apparently, that or you want to
show them jewels off, and sex is the only appropriate time to do that without getting arrested.

Don't Be A Dick

Some guys have trouble conducting affairs because the guilt eats them up and they become
angry and bitter about the whole thing, or after awhile they begin to believe “their shit don’t
stink.” The affair has them lying to themselves and believing they can do no wrong. If their
wife rebels against the way they are conducting themselves, or seeks a separation or divorce,
they pull out the bag of selfish little tricks to get even. Turning off utilities, not making
payments for the cars, empting the bank accounts, spreading nasty little rumors, bad mouthing
the mother to the kids, using the kids as weapons to hurt the mother, strutting the girlfriend in
the wife's face, intimidating by screaming or hollering, withholding vital funds for the
household, damaging property or vehicles. The list goes on and on, but basically it all boils
down to trying to inflict as much pain as possible.

This is going to cost you dearly in the end. If she gets a decent attorney you’re going to lose
more then your shirt. You might loose any real connection to your family. It might not matter
to you now, but think about 10 to 20 years down the road. Are you really so selfish that none
of what that implies makes any difference to you? Who will you spend your holidays with?
How often will you get to see your grandchildren? It’s a difficult thing even for grandparents
who get along with their children, and if they don't care to make the effort to work it
out…well I'm told never is a long time to wait for something.

If things go very bad during your affair, if you can't be nice, at least be civil. A quick point
about being nice: being nice to get what you want will normally get you what you want;
however, you have to remember to be nice after you get what you want too, in order, at least
37
for appearance sake, to make it seem you’re not just using a person. Once you get that kind of
a rep it's really hard to shake. Any further request for favors after that will be met with
incredulity and distain. In the Florida study conducted by Dr. Todd K. Shackelford, a large
number of questions dealt with how you treated the other person, and at what point did the
affair become apparent. Your situation has a lot more at stake than a non-marital arrangement.
Always try to treat your family with love, respect, and affection; a bare minimum of civility is
vital. You want your battleship to be carrying something more precious than gold, or upon
discovery your ship will be torpedoed, raided, robbed, then scuttled and sent to a watery
grave.

In short, have a Dick…don’t be one.

Private Investigators
Some of the research for this section was gleaned from several sources and amalgamated here.
Books included are Gotcha!!! How to Tell if Your Lover is Having an Affair by Alda Wirsche
& Marnie Milot; Scene of the Crime: A Writers Guide to Crime-scene Investigations by Anne
Wingate; Undercover Operations by Kingdon Peter Anderson; Secrets of Top Private Eyes
by Joe Hoover and Anni Adkins (howtoinvestigate.com); personal interviews, the website
allisonlaw.com/morgan/writing/computers/adultery.html by Morgan Allison; and of course
my own personal knowledge.

This is the part of the book that I seriously considered renaming the "You’re Horribly Fucked"
section. I'd like to open this section by saying that if your wife suspects you of having an
affair, has the funds (several hundred to a few thousand dollars) for this particular solution,
and you don't suspect it, there is NOTHING you can do about it. You’re in trouble pure and
simple. If you have done everything else right it will be much harder for them to catch you,
but if she has the funds you’re going to be caught. Their JOB is to catch you, most of them are
very, very good at what they do, this is how they make their living, and if you think you’re
smarter than they are, you have a serious ego problem. You probably won't see them, and if
they think you “made” them, they are going to leave the area and come back again later. They
have prepped your wife and told her what to look for and where to find it. They have told her
how she needs to act and to keep a log of your activities. Your wife might set you up by going
out of town and leaving you with that precious TIME you need for your tryst. You will marvel
at your good fortune to have that time too (until the 8x10 color glossies are developed). They
might tap your home phone as long as no laws are broken, or show her how to tap it. They
might get into your computer, or tell your wife how it's done. They might be able to track you
online. Depending on your cell phone type and service, they might be able to get your
conversation that way. They will find out meeting times and places, they will take photos
and/or videos of you in private or public places.

They have tricks (Pretext calls - pretending to be someone who needs and has a right to the
information) to get an ITEMIZED copy of your hotel room bill when out of town, a copy of
your cell phone bill which has your incoming and outgoing calls on it, methods of checking
credit card statements, and much more. In a group of people they can spot the person you’re
having the affair with by simple body language. You are out manned and out gunned. They
are nameless and faceless and dedicated to tracking you. Remember your wife is going to
assist them, and if you have made any mistakes at any point this is where it's going to show. If

38
you’re caught you’re going to be made to suffer like a frog in an acid rain forest with no
shelter. Let's say that you were lucky, your mistress went home or is taking vacation in the
Andes Mountain range for the month, and you left no trail whatsoever…safe, right? Nope,
guess again. Since you have that certain "weakness of character" you are probably susceptible
to a new conquest if and when it presents itself.

Private investigators have the resources and can set you up if necessary to see if you will take
the bait with a ploy called a "Decoy." Decoys are probably less expensive (about $300 to
$500) than a full or even a part time investigator (according to Redbook Jun 93 their use is on
the rise). This woman will be selected by your wife from photos, and a description of your
tastes will be given along with a photograph of you so you can be identified. After that a
"chance" meeting will follow in a bar, or at work as a client, or some other place. The Decoy
will be wired, of course, and a photographer may be present as well. She is instructed not to
make advances towards you or flirt with you in any way, and of course not to sleep with you
either (as much as your wife is probably paying for this she could have gotten you a hooker
for your birthday and not worried about it…but I digress). You will make your move and the
recorder will capture that smooth line you have been working on for just such an occasion.
You’re busted, worse yet the tapes and photos from an investigation can be used in court
during your divorce and ensuing custody battles, and the investigators themselves can testify
on your spouse’s behalf as well.

About the only thing that MIGHT tip you off that a private investigator is on your trail is the
family finances. Private Investigators are not charity workers and are typically not cheap. A
suspicious withdrawal of funds might be accounted for later when you get your divorce papers
served to you, and your key no longer works in your front door. It is a good idea to keep track
of finances anyway and this is just another good reminder as to why. Some private
investigators suggest to wives that they keep a separate account and stuff money into it
whenever they can, to track your movements so when they do have the necessary funds they
can make the most of them. At that point all your wife is typically looking for is the HARD
evidence. Usually some form of confrontation takes place within a short period of time after
the wife receives the proof. This is an important thing to know because if you haven’t been
confronted yet, there may still be a chance to escape any trap being set and maybe have a little
fun as well.

One way to tell if you are being followed is to go down a lonely stretch of road (one with hills
is better because direct line of site can be broken easily between the peaks and valleys) and
stop someplace in the middle for awhile. Note any traffic following you. There may be up to
two to three vehicles following you. If you are not lucky enough to have such a road in your
area, you may try a few U-turns just to see if you are being followed. Investigators must
normally maintain some kind of eye contact on you to follow you unless a tracking device has
been placed on your car, or they already know your destination. You may not be able to tell if
someone is following you or not, but you can also set up a test for this. You and some other
person set up a route to follow. They can follow at about 100 yards because they already
know where you are going. A tail will be at this range or closer and it will become obvious
after a little while if this is the case. Lane changes near exits will force a person perusing to
get ready for a possible exit to keep on your tail. I have seen some suggestions about running
red lights, or making erratic turns, I do not recommend this for two reasons, you do not want
to become involved in a traffic incident which could come back to haunt you later, and it

39
alerts the investigator that you are on to them. As long as they are unaware of your suspicions
they will operate as normal.

If you get conformation that an investigation is underway you have a few options. You can
confront your wife, which is not always a good one. You can go on the straight and narrow,
which is better than the hard proof and divorce, also it will make you look good when the
investigators give you a clean bill of health. Or you can have fun…indulge your alter ego.
Depending on how elaborate you want to get with this suggestion you can exchange large
padded envelops in clandestine public places. Swap briefcases, go into a CIA or FBI building
and have lunch in the cafeteria. Go into a high security area like a courthouse because they do
not allow tape recorders or cameras or firearms in them. They also have multiple entrances so
you can enter one side and exit another normally, and not be followed unless it’s a two man
team and they automatically circle the building looking for you. Typically, they will stick with
your car because they believe you will be coming back to it. If you shake them once, they are
not likely to fall for the same trick twice. People have tried similar things in mall parking lots
as well, going in one side and having their mistress pick them up on the other side and then
driving off. You might get an investigator once or twice if you’re lucky but don't try to extend
this too much beyond that, or they will take it as a personal challenge to bust your balls.

Playing spy games with investigators can be fun but people make simple mistakes like not
thinking about the license plate on the car and how easy it is to get the address of the driver
from it. So if you’re playing this game with Bill from down the street they are going to run the
plate and know…or ask your wife if this is someone you know. Another benefit of keeping
these guys on the job as long as possible is to drain that secret fund your wife has been
building up. If she is using hidden money to fund this operation it’s going to run down
quickly.

If you think there is a decoy, a good way to test is to get as much personal information as
possible in casual conversation and start repeating it back incorrectly, if she is new and unsure
about what she has said, she probably won't correct you. A seasoned Decoy has her story
down. If you frequent a place you should know who the regulars are, ask the bartender if he
has ever seen her before. Buy her a drink, then go to the bathroom and watch her demeanor
from a distance. See if she has a companion, or see if she rejects advances from other men, see
how long it takes her to start looking for you. Or better yet, if you have a mistress and a wife
leave well enough alone…if you get busted with a third woman you might loose them both.
Tell her you are married, you are faithful to your wife, and you have to leave. Thank her for
her company and depart. Turning down too obvious of a temptation might be the better part of
discretion. If you wish, you can use the Decoy to drain that hidden account too, ask the
suspected Decoy when she will be back there and make a "date" to see her. Have a few drinks
and a laugh or two, make another appointment and go home. After a few weeks of meetings
two to three times a week, that account is going to start looking as anemic as an albino at a
blood bank. Your wife might start to wish she had gotten you that hooker instead.

If you are reasonably convinced that this person is amenable to something else…do yourself a
favor and take it one more step. At this point she is comfortable with you and can't really say
no to a reasonable request. Ask her to go with you to run a few errands the next day. Take her
to someplace like a courthouse, airport, or someplace that confiscates recorders and cameras,
at the very least someplace with a mandatory metal detection system in place. If she is a
Decoy that recorder she has is going to pop positive, and she will make an excuse not to go
40
with you. Pretend to buy it, make another appointment with her, and drop her off. For added
flavor to the mix you could mention to your wife the day of the next meeting, that you would
like her to come with you because you have met someone you would like her to meet because
they have so much in common…could be fun to watch.

Typically when you leave home your defenses tend to drop directly proportional to the
distance you have traveled away from your wife. So many times when you’re out of town you
feel very safe and do foolish things like order room service for two for dinner and breakfast,
check in under a Mr. and Mrs. name, display affection in public like hand holding or getting
close during sunset. Go for that last hug and kiss goodbye in the car. Meanwhile the
investigator has been busy photographing your hotel room once you leave it…to pick up clues
and especially if you have two double beds in there, to see if BOTH of the beds are unmade or
if you and your "platonic" guest only slept in one. They can also obtain evidence such as
sheets and have suspicious areas tested. ALWAYS BE PARANOID…pretend your wife is
always a hundred feet away. It will prevent you from making mistakes like one couple who
used to show up at a certain parking lot and park way in the back by a wooded area on a fairly
regular basis. It would be a rather simple thing to get into position and set up remote a video
camera, then sit back with a Nikon and telephoto lens beforehand…that’s a payday for an
investigator.

In case you don’t think that your wife has the means to hire an investigator or a Decoy just
consider one group of women I heard about who started a special fund to use in case any of
them suspected their husbands of cheating on them. This way they could afford to hire a
private investigator. I don’t know if they told the husbands about it or not to keep them in line,
or if the whole thing is just an Urban Legend…but it certainly is a startling possibility.

The Stuff of Science

Depending on your wife's tenacity and resources, concrete evidence might be easier for her to
come by than you might like. While a few photographs or video of you kissing or holding
someone's hand in public might be enough for some wives, some want much more solid
evidence, let's say the kind that can be used in a court of law.

Telling Gene

DNA evidence can be the MOST compelling evidence you will ever face. This is one of the
reasons you do not want to be fooling around with your mistress in your home. You make it
much easier for your wife to easily gather the evidence she needs to bury you under the court
house. DNA can be taken from the following sources, gum, underwear, tooth brushes, sheets,
cigarette butts, used condoms (these can yield results from both you and her), Q-tips, tampons
or other feminine hygiene products, hair, and material from electric razors can also be tested.
ANYPLACE you leave sufficient cell samples can be tested. The cost of testing can range
from 250 to 2000 dollars. Two places that offer to do tests are reliagene.com and
dnatestingsolutions.com . Take a look at these pages, they will give you a good idea about
what services they offer.

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If your mistress is married then paying attention to where your fluids go is even more
important. If her husband starts taking an interest in the laundry, and decides to run a test or
two it will bust her and you. It used to be that DNA had to test the sperm in a sample, but the
public relations people at Reliagene have informed me that semen can be tested successfully
too. So, to the men out there that have had a vasectomy, she might not get pregnant, but she
might get herself and you caught. The use of condoms might still be necessary for something
other than disease prevention. If your mistress is married, after you have sex she is going to
need to douche very well if you feel this kind of investigation is a likely one. The preservation
of testing samples is a rather simple matter too, Reliagene suggests keeping the sample away
from warm and/or humid places to prevent degradation. I was told simply "Put the sample in a
PAPER (not plastic) bag and shove it in the back of your freezer, or your mother’s freezer."
The company has the sample overnighted to the lab and within ten days results are available.
Depending on the chain of custody, and who is running the test, they can be legally binding in
a court of law.

It's So Small

Not the thing most men like hearing, to say the least, but it’s a nice thing to have in a spy
camera. These items are becoming more prevalent as their cost and size goes down, and their
ease of use improves. These cameras start at about $70 X10.com and can be as expensive as a
few house payments. These are the kind of cameras that are used to keep an eye on the nanny,
babysitter, milkman, kids or who/whatever. They come with and without sound options and
many people install these devices into the home when child/elderly abuse is suspected;
unfortunately suspicions are all too often confirmed. The only limit is the imagination on their
use…or abuse. This is another reason to not have the tryst on home turf. If your wife decides
to wire the house and not tell you about it, I don’t think you’re going to want to smile for this
candid camera. This is also the type of hardware an investigator might suggest to your wife, if
they have it in stock, as an alternative to hiring them if she can’t afford their fees.

Biofeedback

Biofeedback is the method of monitoring various involuntary bodily processes and using the
information to control them. Brainwave patterns, heartbeat, pain, and stress are common items
that people learn to control through using biofeedback devices. The polygraph itself is a type
of biofeedback device, which measures galvanic skin resistance (how conductive your skin
is), heartbeat, blood pressure, and respiration. The more common “household devices”
measure the skin resistance, which changes due to various stressors. The more advanced, and
of course expensive, units measure other bodily functions as well. The idea is that the readouts
show you where you’re at and by trial and error, or by stimulus such as music, you gain more
conscious control over the monitored function. This enables you to raise or lower the
indicators at your will, or your desire. One of these devices could conceivably help you better
deal with stress and anger issues that might be associated with your affair.

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 Computer stuff
What most people don’t know about computers could fill several books, and has,
but you don’t have to be a full-fledged "geek" to learn some of the more basic and important
things about securing your privacy. The following is designed to step you through securing
your computer with as little pain as possible. This is largely for Windows 98 although the
concepts are transferable to other operating systems.
The first concept you need to understand about your computer is that it’s not very bright.
In fact it's downright ignorant in most respects. It only understands two things: "ON" and
"OFF" (no I don’t mean the power button), or 1s and 0s. That’s it; everything else is based on
this simple principle. 1s and 0s in defined combinations equate to different things like
numbers and letters. Every time you turn the power off and on again, the computer must re-
teach itself everything from scratch. It learns where things are by reading from the boot sector
of the hard drive. Why do I mention all of this you might ask yourself, well the answer is
simple: chances are your computer has more personal information about you than J. Edgar
Hoover had on John F. Kennedy. It can tell what your sexual interests or dysfunctions are,
addictions, who you are, what your email address is, who you’re writing to, what you’re
saying, your general income level, travel tastes, medical concerns, music and entertainment
preferences, shoe size, reading material, political affiliations, sports of choice, what you
download, what you’re thinking about buying for Christmas. It can tell your faith, your
telephone numbers, where you live, how you live, if you have children, and it can, and
probably is telling the world this information. It's all there IF you know where to look.

Cookies and Cache

Advertisers (among others) want to know everything about you that they can, to this end they
plant information on your computer to track your movements through cyberspace to different
websites, in effect tagging you like a research chimp in the wild. In some cases it only takes
visiting a website to have something like Comet Cursor or Gator installed on your computer.
Wait…it gets worse, the internet is so big that no single advertiser can track you to all of the
sites and web pages you visit and this is just not satisfactory, so companies started sponsoring
programmers and game makers to help gather that data by putting spyware
(http://grc.com/downloaders.htm) into their shareware and freeware games and utility
software. I'm sure they have since improved their software, since it reportedly can update
itself. It cost me personally almost $300 for a new motherboard and processor because I had
misdiagnosed my browser crashes, system failures and many other anomalous behaviors as an
intermittent hardware failure. To assist you in avoiding that on your system, I suggest going to
a company called Lavasoft (yes they are on the web) and downloading a fantastic little
program called Ad-aware. It will clean your system very nicely. If I had not discovered
GRC.com I might never have gotten that shitty software out of my system. After it was
removed my system doubled in speed and all of the former problems I had disappeared.
Thank you, Steve Gibson. (No, I wasn't paid to say that.) You may wish to check with your
Internet Service Provider (ISP) to see if they track or sell information as well.

There is also the option of using an anonymizer service such as Anonymizer.com, which
places themselves between you and the internet content. If a site uses cookies or recording of
IP information they will get the service and not you. (It is ineffective against spyware such as

43
comet cursor; for that you need firewall and cleansing programs.) This is a huge problem
affecting millions and millions of computers and users and I'll bet that you’re one of them.

A quick lesson for the novice computer user: Everything on your machine is kept in a
directory structure. Assuming you have only 1 hard drive, it will be called the "C" drive.
Everything else is under that. To get to things you follow a path that will look similar to the
following: C:\WINDOWS\Cookies. So it goes like this:

Double Click (and open) the My Computer icon

Double Click (and open) the C:\ Drive
Double Click (and open) the Windows folder
Double Click (and open) the Cookies folder
The cookies will be in that folder.

If you didn't understand this….ask a kid.

Handling the cookie problem is a fairly straightforward procedure. Let me preface this by
saying that not all cookies are evil or subversive. Some of them help to remember passwords
on certain sites and perform other beneficial operations. Some are just there to track your
activities, so if you want to be choosy about removing them you can do so.

To remove cookies from your machine:

Go to the Cookies folder (generally found in the C:\WINDOWS\Cookies as in the

example above).
Hack and slash at will…you probably won’t break anything too badly. (Note: not all
cookies are stored there.)

The next monster to target is your cache (pronounced cash) file. The purpose of the cache file
is to make web pages you visit frequently load faster. It does this by storing the web page
pictures on your hard drive. When you visit the page again it loads them from your hard drive
and doesn't have to download them again from the web, thus freeing up the bandwidth to load
what isn’t stored. Normally this is set to be no bigger than a few dozen megs (megabytes) at
most, but it is adjustable (note: if you set it to zero then it won't keep web page information on
your hard drive, but your browsing speed may suffer). If your (web) browser of choice is
Internet Explorer:

Open up your browser

Click on the tools option on the menu bar at the top
Select Internet Options this will bring up the (surprise) Internet Options Window.

There are three things you want to take note of here: the Delete Files… button, the Settings…
button and the Clear History button. Note them because you’re going to be using all of them.
(Quick point of information: in a Windows environment anytime you see the three dots "…"
on a button or option in a drop down box it means you’re going to get another window with
other selections relating to it. A button without the dots will execute a command.)

44
 First we are going to click on the Delete Files… button and check the box that says all
offline content
Click the OK button
Click on the Settings… button and (surprise) the Settings window will come up
You will see a button that says View Files… click on that
The Temporary Internet Files window will pop up. This file is another place cookies
and other content are stored.
If you want to get rid of all of them at once, hold down the CTRL (control key)
and press the letter A. This will select everything in the window.
Press the delete button, confirm you want it to go away and poof…it's gone, more or
less (it's probably in the recycle bin).
Press the ok button and you’re back to the Internet Options window.

The last button of concern is the Clear History button. Internet Explorer, as well as other
browsers, keeps a history of all of the web addresses you visit to make it easier for you to
get back to them. Have you ever started to type a web address into the address bar of the
browser like www.yah and had the computer drop down a menu that had the full address in
it www.yahoo.com? Well that’s the History function at work. If you want to clear your
history, so no one knows where you have been, press the Clear History button now and
it’s…well…history! If you want to be more selective about what history you delete (so it
doesn't necessarily look like you’re trying to hide something) then press CTRL and H and
it will open up the history menu and you can remove items individually. If you have a
history button click that. If not:

Click the View option in the menu bar

Select Explorer bar
Click History and review what you wish to delete

If you decide you want it all gone, tell your wife you read some place that it's just "good
computer maintenance" to do so. I'm not going to go into how this is done for all of the
browsers out there. The points are pretty much the same no matter the browser.
The important thing to know here is that this information can be used by anyone with decent
computer knowledge to track where and when you have gone different places such as dating
sites, porn sites, or for the more “curious” bestiality sites.

Archive Files
If you are one to chat on the web, you are probably using one of the instant messengers that
are so popular these days: ICQ, Yahoo Messenger, and AOL Instant Messenger are just a few.
While it is a good idea to set up a sign and countersign system with your mistress (You use a
prearranged code word and she responds with something else. If it's not the correct response,
it probably isn't who you think it is.) to prevent your wife from impersonating you, and hot
chatting (cybering) your mistress.
Another solution to this problem is similar to handwriting analysis: profile the typing style of
the other person. Do they use caps at the beginning of sentences, how fast do they type, which
words do they typically misspell, do they punctuate or not, and what keywords do they use in
normal speech? There might be another danger you are unaware of. The one thing all of these
programs have in common is their ability to archive, or save the conversations you have. Each

45
program is different. You will have to use the help file to discover where they are stored, and
if it is possible, to disable that particular function. For example, in Yahoo's messenger:
Click Login
Click Preferences
Click Messages and check to see if archiving is Enabled

Some IRC (Internet Relay Chat) chat programs also archive. It is strongly recommended to
check these settings each and every time you use these programs before you chat. No telling
if, or when, they were "innocently" altered.
What You Think You Know

Here is a quick question for you. What do the following have in common:
.doc, .asc, .wps, .mcw, .txt, .ans, .rtf, .wbk, .bak and .tmp files all have in common?
They either are, or can be, text files. There are many more types but this list should be
sufficient to make the point. When you open or create a text file, especially in one of the more
popular word processing programs like Word or WordPerfect, it will open a secondary file
unseen in the background, and record all of the information you enter into the open document.
Why do they do this? Partially because computers are not as reliable as we would like them to
be, and it saves your information in the event of a crash; partially because it makes it possible
for certain features to work like tracking, undelete and a few other conveniences; partially
because with the invention of huge low cost hard drives and memory, programmers have
grown careless and lazy with your hard drive space; and partially because some computer
users are such complete fucking idiots they would screw up blowing their nose even if
Kleenex came with instructions, so they actually need that much redundancy. You know these
people too, so I will let you figure out which Partially applies to you.

It would be a good thing to locate where the recovery files are stored for your word processing
application, and whether or not back up files are made. The help files will be most useful in
this respect. The Windows environment also creates a shortcut to files you have recently used
in a Hidden folder called Recent. You will find this in the following path:
C:\WINDOWS\Recent. Even if you delete the file, a record of its previous existence might still
be there. Note that unless you have set your machine to see the Hidden files and folders it
will not be there. If you do not know how to enable and disable the See Hidden option the
following instructions should help you:

Open a folder such as My Computer

Choose the View option and a menu will drop down
Select the Folder Options… The folder options window will open up
Select the View tab near the top of the window
Read the options available to you; locate and select the  Show all files option.
To make this option apply to your entire directory structure (all files and folders) click
the Like Current Folder button. While you’re there you may wish to uncheck the box
 Hide file extensions for known file types. By doing this you can identify particular
files and file types that you may wish to look for later such as .bak files and .tmp files.

Some files with odd extensions will not open properly (an extension is the three letters after
the file name separated with a period or dot e.g. Readme.doc, doc is the extension.) You may
be able to use this to your advantage as I will show you later under File Extensions.
46
To check a suspect file you can't open normally, and so you don’t delete something you might
want or need:

Highlight (click once) the suspect file

Hold down the shift key and right click on the file again. You will see the an option to
Open With…
Click on that option and it will allow you to choose which application or program you
want to use to read the file.

Most files can be opened with the Wordpad application. Check it and see if your lusty little
fingerprints are in it and if it's incriminating. To get a better feel for what you are doing I
recommend that you create a test doc and text file to play with. Change the properties of a
particular file by right clicking on it and then clicking on the Properties option. You can make
a file hidden or unhidden from there. There are two more places you may wish to look when
trying to cover your tracks, one is the Windows Start button, Documents section. Windows
will keep track of the last 15 items you have opened. This is to make it easier for you to get
back to what you were doing before…it will also help others to get back to what you were
working on before, and yes it will show the file even if you have hidden it or it's saved to a
disc.
To remove this list:

Click on the Start button

Select Settings 
Select the Taskbar & Start Menu…
The Taskbar Properties window will come up
Click on the Start Menu Programs tab
You will see a section called Documents menu and a button that says Clear
Click on this button and it will erase the Document History menu.

The second place you are going to want to check for document history records is the File
menu in Microsoft Word. It keeps a record of up to 9 previously accessed documents that
have been saved at least once. To clear it or reset it so that it doesn't keep a record:

Click on Tools
Click on Options…
Select the General tab
Uncheck the Recently used file list box
Press OK

The history is gone.

Another place that stores backup files, documents, scraps, and faxes is in the
C:\Windows\Temp directory. Most of the stuff in this file can probably be cleaned out without
too much trouble. This sounds like a lot of work, but you can get programs that help assist you
in many of these tasks, some of which I’ll talk about later.

47
Tweak UI

If you don’t know much about computers, I'm about to put what could amount to a grenade in
your hands. It’s a program called Tweak UI and if you’re careful it can help you with the
automation of many tasks to remove the history of your ventures into cyberspace as well as
file and computer history. The program should be located on your Windows CD in the
TOOLS\RESKIT \POWERTOY folder. If it isn't you can download it from the Microsoft web
page. The ONLY section I'm going to instruct you in is the Paranoia tab located to the far
right (use the  button to advance to that tab) it's pretty much self-explanatory. Check the
boxes  for the operations you wish to have done. If you are fairly competent with your
computer, have fun with the other options in it, if you’re not…well I'm glad it isn't MY
computer.
Deleting Files

You have just written that wonderful heartfelt love letter to your mistress, printed it out,
deleted the file, and beaming with pride, you remembered to empty the recycle bin so that no
one will find your words of adoration and appreciation. What have you just done? Pretend for
a minute that your computer’s hard drive (the long term storage device) is like a library. All
libraries have card catalogs so that you can find the books you want. Well hard drives, as well
as discs, have something similar called an Index. A section of the hard drive dedicated to
keeping a record of where things are. When you delete something via the recycle bin IT'S
STILL THERE, the only thing that has changed is the location on the hard drive that stores
where it is. In effect, the card for the book was removed but not the book itself. The file you
deleted still exists in its 1's and 0's state on the drive and can be recovered with a simple
utility software such as File Recover 2000, or Restorer2000. To prevent these files from being
accessed later most people employ a file Shredder which will not only delete sensitive files,
but will write over the part of the disc that held them. Two of the currently more popular
programs to do this are BCWipe (found at www.jetico.sci.fi/) and Eraser (found at
tolvanen.com/eraser/). These two use methods that are suggested by the DOD (Department Of
Defense) for deleting files.

Some of you out there are thinking "I encrypt my data so it's safe even if it's found." In all
fairness it sounds good, but no, it probably isn't. Even if it is protected your wife is going to
want to know why it is, and if she finds, or guesses, your password you could be equally
screwed. There are fewer things less comfortable than having your wife ask you "Open this
file for me." What are you going to say? No? The fight starts there, or at the least, serious
suspicions start to arise. One of the few justifications that might work is to tell her it's your
diary and private thoughts and you would appreciate it if you could keep them private. Who
knows…maybe she loves you and respects you enough to honor the request.

Email

Two popular email programs that people use are Microsoft's Outlook or Outlook Express. I'm
sure by now you are thinking it's not a real good idea to use these programs, or ones like them,
and you would be right. The problem with them is that they download your email from the
web to your hard drive where mistakes are more easily made, and snooping is more likely to
happen. An excellent solution is to use a Web Mail service such as Yahoo or Hotmail, or
some other such service. There are quite a few of them out there and most do not charge for
48
basic email accounts. The benefit of using Web mail is that nothing is placed on your hard
drive. Once you log out of the site you need a password to get back in. It isn't a choice like
password protecting a document. The people who host the site require the password, so your
wife can't argue with you. Once you delete a message from there and empty the trash…it’s
GONE.

Firewalls

This is an awesome program that monitors traffic to and from your machine, and puts you in
control of what does and does not gain access to the internet on your computer. One of the
best, if not the best programs for this also happens to be a free one called ZoneAlarm,
zonelabs.com. It will tell you what programs are trying to access the Internet from the inside,
such as browsers, term programs and spyware , and if someone is trying to access your
machine from the outside. (They also have a pro version for about 20 to 30 bucks.)
This will become more important to you as we go on. A firewall will also help protect you
against your wife (or others) accessing your computer with programs like Back Orifice or PC
Anywhere (symantec.com/pcanywhere/Consumer) when she is away from home. These are
utilities that can be used to access your computer by remote control.
Don't forget to check and see which programs have been given permanent permissions.

“Spector” and Key Loggers

Spector is one of the programs I’ve purchased and evaluated specifically for this book.
This is one of the programs you definitely DO have to watch out for concerning your
computer privacy. It takes screen shots of what you are doing on the computer, it also has a
key logger which records all keystrokes including passwords. It keeps track of chat
conversations, emails, and applications you have used, and all websites you have visited.
I was extremely impressed with its capabilities. First of all, it is has an option that allows it to
run in super stealth mode on your computer. This means that you can't tell it's running in the
background of your machine, even when you press the Ctrl+Alt+Delete keys you don’t see it
running. Even if you use the System Information utility in the System Tools folder…you
just can’t find it. I figured that maybe I could find this program by looking for newly installed
files, or files created on my computer the day it was installed. Nope, its files are all backdated
so they won't show up when you run a search that way. It also installs itself as something
other than Spector, so you can't locate it by name. About the only way to figure out whether or
not you have this program on your machine, if it is stealth mode, is to press the
Ctrl+Alt+Shift+S keys. If you see something called Spector Login…well you can start
panicking now. In some versions of the program the Ctrl+Alt+Shift+S can be customized so
even that method of detection might not work. The only other way to find it is to start looking
for hidden folders with very oddly named hidden files (mine was MSFILEA.TXT )…all it
said when I opened it was:

10/31/2001 10:01:17: Start Record Session

10/31/2001 10:03:51: Stop Record Session

I suspect the file name in later versions is customizable and/or will change per machine on
which it's loaded. If it is running on your machine and you can't find it…enjoy the ride while
it lasts because it's going to be a short trip. As if this weren’t frightening enough SpectorSoft

49
also offers a product called eBlaster that records much of the same information but will email
a report of the information to your wife at work or where ever. On the flip side of this, you
could use one of these programs to monitor what's going on in your absence, to see if anyone
is searching for things you don’t want found. The cost range is about $70 to $100 dollars. If
you wish to find out more about this program go to Cheatmanual.com or spectorsoft.com.

Hide And Seek: The Find Feature

Windows has a Find feature, which I'm sure most of you know about, to help you locate that
file you just downloaded but don’t know where it went, or a document you placed somewhere
but can't remember the location. This is also a useful tool for someone else to find things you
have typed up and not properly protected. If you will notice Find has a few features that
investigators or other nosey persons can use to locate your document. Note: There are some
things that private investigators can't do legally. They aren’t supposed to open password
protected documents because you have a reasonable expectation of privacy if you have tried
to protect a document, or if the computer is yours and your wife has her own. The family
computer leaves a lot more to gray interpretations than you might like.

When you open the Find option the default tab is the Name & Location tab. It has a section
called Containing text: to look for KEY WORDS you might have used in the document. By
typing in key words like; love, kids, kiss, sex, fuck, wife, lick, head, bite, trip, meet, etc. into
this box (making sure the Look in: box is set for the C:\ drive), the computer will look for and
display all documents with the specified key word in them on the entire hard drive. The Find
feature also has options to locate all files Modified, Created or by their Last Access date
during a specified period of time. The weakness of this program, and thus your advantage, is
that it will not display Hidden files (if you set up your system not to show Hidden files); key
words inside Password protected files; and files with key words in them (protected or not) that
are Hidden. (Again, this is providing your system is setup not to show Hidden files). An
important thing to note here is if your Word Processor (Word 2000) is set up to make backup
copies of your work, and you password protected your original document, that does not
necessarily mean it will password protect the backup copy. The password setting does not
change the backup initially, the document must be reopened and saved again to have the
backup password protected. A shrewd wife could set the program to make backup copies
every minute or two. Although you password protect your letter, she can just read the backup
copy of it before calling her attorney, or private investigator.
White Font
Some people try a fairly clever little method of hiding their text inside a document by writing
the lines they want hidden and then selecting them and turning them white to match the
background. Sort of like the old joke "it's a polar bear in camouflage during a snow storm"
this practice does not, by itself, elude the Find feature. It will still detect it in a document and
list it unless the document is password protected.
The thing to remember about White Font is that it helps in doing embedding that hides
everything within our real documents. Another danger of Microsoft Word that will expose
White Font sentences is grammar check. Nothing is more suspicious than a paragraph of
green squiggly lines. Your wife could also press Ctrl + A (which highlights/selects everything
in the entire document), then select a new color from the tool bar making the hidden text
visible.
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All That Glitters

…is not gold, as they saying goes. To this observation and philosophy you may wish to
employ a ruse document of some type…something that looks incriminating as hell but can be
explained away very innocently. One gentleman I interviewed did this by accident.

The message said :

“Ok Babe,
I'll meet you there at 4, you bring the kneepads and I'll bring the gloves.”
His wife went ballistic when she found it, called all of his friends asking questions and
making accusations, called his mother to see what she knew, and then waited for him like a
cop on a stakeout. He got home about 8:00 and she shoved a printed copy of the file in his
face like an indignant, self-righteous preacher, with lots of media coverage, protesting the
local strip joint. He took it, looked at it, looked at her, crumpled it up, threw it on the floor,
said “Call your brother”, and went up to take a shower. As she later discovered the Babe
comment was an attempt at sarcasm using baseball humor, because they were going to
baseball practice that afternoon. Her brother was bragging about how good he was, so Phil
started calling him Babe after the legendary Babe Ruth. He said after that it was blow jobs and
apologies for a month. He did add "After I found out all of the things she did…I think I'd be to
scared to cheat on her."

Another type of ruse document is the innocent type that is used to support something else:
substantiating material. If you password protect a document called “Jokes” you’re going to
want to have jokes in it. If you have kids this might be justifiable. This allows you to
password protect many documents, and after awhile of discovering nothing of concern, she
will just stop looking. If she likes jokes maybe she will keep looking but if you rotate
passwords explaining that you can’t remember a certain password after a few tries might seem
plausible.

Passwords, Encryption, and Embedding

Computer security, like most computer things, has come a long way in a very short period of
time. There are lots of different ways to protect, send, and hide messages. Many of them are
very good…some not so good. You can find a "crack” or “workaround” for almost anything
someplace on the web if you’re dedicated enough. It helps a lot to be able to understand
Chinese and German too. Whether you are using Word, Lotus, Corel or something else, if you
want these documents to be safe, encryption offers a reasonable solution to the problem. If
they can get it open, they aren’t going to be able to read it. The thing to remember here is
you’re not up against the NSA (National Security Agency), so most standards of encryption
and/or embedding do not need to be of the caliber used to protect transmissions of missile
launch codes or coordinates. Pick a method that works best for you and you can explain if
necessary.

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Passwords

Selecting a good password, I'm sure you have heard from someone by now, includes both
numbers and letters. The reason for this is so you are not vulnerable to a number generating
program or a dictionary attack (where they throw every word in the dictionary at the cipher.)
If the conditions allow it, use both upper and lower case letters interspersed with numbers and
symbols. The problem with doing this is that it's hard to remember the password, so what's the
point of protecting it if you can’t get back into the damn thing? Well one popular method is
called Transposition where you take a word like Mississippi and take out all of a certain letter
and replace it with a symbol. So you might have something like this; Mi$$I$$ippi. Doris
could be D*ris and Mary could be M@ry. I hope you get the idea.

Alzheimer's For Applications

Many people like the convenience of having Windows, and Internet Explorer, and other
applications remember your password. You may like it too, if you’re fooling around on your
wife she is going to LOVE that you like it. She can log on as you and go right into the chat
rooms and dating sites you wish you had kept more private. While it is true that “Online
Adultery…is not a legal ground for dissolution” (divorcecentral.com), it can cause substantial
strain on your marriage, not to mention there is a good chance that it may turn into something
more legally constricting. Be safe; don’t be sorry. Remember your own damn passwords, that
way you can control who, or what uses them.

Encryption

This is the process of making messages unintelligible to anyone except the intended recipient.
The battle of encryption and code cracking is about as old as the invention of the secret itself,
and maybe even older than the "oldest profession". It certainly has gotten a lot better than it
used to be, and infinitely easier for the average user to employ.

When you Encrypt files and documents you make them unreadable not undetectable. This
suffers from the potential that your wife will ask you outright to make the documents
viewable. The only solution is to have a justifiable reason to be hiding your information from
your wife.

If you work with a security clearance this probably won't be that difficult for you to do. If you
work as a bag boy at the local supermarket the “need to know” excuse just isn’t going to carry
the same weight. The diary excuse may work for this as well. It is also possible to encrypt a
portion of your hard drive or the entire thing. The data will be (or should be) safe from
intrusion. If it’s your own machine this is a much easier thing to do, and easier to justify. If
you have kids you may be securing your “adult” recreational entertainment (porno, pics, dirty
jokes, and adult stories). If you have other people who use your machine, like friends or
relatives it’s “none of their business”. Another excuse might be it’s a gift list, or anniversary
plans, or a surprise of some sort (if you use the surprise excuse, there had better be a surprise
of some type in your wife's near future, and not "Surprise I'm having an affair"). Many of the
excuses will work as long as you take the time to include substantiating materials like naked
pics, dirty jokes, and adult stories.
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One of the more revolutionary products for email encryption started out as freeware and still
can be found that way in some places on the net. It’s called PGP, which stands for Pretty
Good Privacy created by Phil Zimmermann. This was, and probably still is, the largest and
most popular form of email encryption in the world, much to the U.S. government’s
displeasure, who wanted to put him in prison over its release in the mid 90's. If your wife asks
you to decrypt it, make sure you have a plausible reason for not wanting to do so.

PGP (Pretty Good Privacy)

One of the strongest types and easiest to use of encryption methods, PGP uses a two key
system of encryption and decryption. One key is your public key and the other is your private
key. Your public key is distributed freely, and used by others to encrypt a message and send it
to you. Your private key is the only one that can decrypt the message encrypted by the public
key. Another way of looking at this is that you take one key and break it in half…one part you
keep (the part with the teeth, then you make copies of the other half and hand it out to
everyone you want to send you private information. Once the message has been scrambled,
only your half of the key can decode the message again.

The program sells currently for about 40 bucks. To read more about this you can go to the
current purveyors of the software's homepage pgp.com or to Cheatmanual.com.

GnuPG (gnu.org/home.html)

This is touted as a "complete and free replacement for PGP", and is supposed to be compatible
(in most cases) with PGP. So if you want a free alternative to PGP this may suffice. There are,
of course, other encryption products out there so check around.

Pictures Worth A Thousand Hidden Words

Another form of encryption that is making its way into the mainstream is called
Steganography, which comes from Greek and literally means covered writing. One of the
first examples of this occurred when a Greek spy named Demeratus wanted to warn his
country of an impending attack by the Persian king Xerxes. He took a table and wrote a
message on the wood, then covered it with wax so the message would appear invisible to
inspection. Another example of this is the use of invisible inks. Some of the earlier and
simpler inks are interestingly enough, fruit juices, vinegar, urine (wonder if smell was a tip off
for this one), milk, or about anything that left no evidence on the paper when it dried. The
messages are recovered by heating the paper, which causes the secret inks to darken.

The last example I’m going to offer is the ELD (Equal Letter Distance) method. Some people
say that parts of the Bible use this method to hide messages about the future of mankind, also
referred to as Bible code, but this method is not unique to the Bible. If you look back a few
pages to the White Font section you will see the italicized sentence: helps in doing
embedding that hides everything within our real documents. This is code for hide the word
taken from the first letter in each word. Of course, there are variations of this, 2nd letter, 3rd
letter, every other word, backwards, forwards, but I’m certain that you get the idea by now.

53
The computer equivalent of this is to take a message (encrypted or not) and embed it into a
picture or audio file. The audio still plays and the picture appears unchanged but now, with
the proper decoder and/or password, you can receive the information hidden in it and no one
is the wiser. In most cases this is virtually undetectable unless every single decoder in
existence is run on every gif, mpeg, bmp, mp3, and wave file you have. The chances of that
happening are pretty small so you’re fairly safe. One thing you do not want to forget: the
encoding program and decoder are on your machine in the first place to perform these
functions. This could be a tattletale.

The decoder alone might not be detected if you handle it properly but the encoder programs
generally announce themselves in the start menu, or could be recognized by an investigator
looking around your machine.

Invisible Secrets 3

I had the chance to review a number of different Steganography programs for this book. This
one in particular is so far above the others in what it currently has to offer and its scheduled
developments, that it is the one I would use for any and all conceivable protected messages I
wanted to send. The program suite offers strong encryption to protect your information, so no
one with a Captain Crunch decoder ring can read your message and multiple file types
(carriers) available to hide messages.

It also destroys all temp files used in the creation process, and can be set to shred the original
document. If you happen to have a code cracker in the family, the program can be setup to
encode fake messages along with the real ones. It also has an optional stealth capability,
which removes it from your Start menu program list and the right click Explorer option list. It
includes a password manager to help in keeping track of all of the passwords you might be
using in connection with the program. The encryption, decryption, carrier and shred options
can be used independently, or in combination with the use of its Wizard (a computer helper to
make complex tasks easier by using a step by step walkthrough.). Neobytesolutions are also
continuing to add file carrier types as well. One important thing to note, because it is currently
not possible to remove the message from the carrier it would be a very good idea to shred the
message and the carrier after reading it.

The cost is about 35 dollars American, and they offer discounts if you purchase more than one
license. To read more about this product go to Cheatmanual.com or
neobytesolutions.com/invsecr.

File Extensions

Most people look for succulent bits of information in some type of text file. Whether it is an
rtf, txt, doc, or an html file, these are investigator’s hot spots to check and see if you have
something going on. One way to protect what you do is to make it appear as something other
than what it is. You will notice that all of the files on your machine have some kind of
extension to their names so Windows knows how to open them, run them, or otherwise deal
with them. If you change the love.doc name and extension to a different name and extension
such as Syscomst.dll (DO NOT use a .dll name that is already in use) it will slip by most
wives and investigators. It will not slip by the “Files created (or modified) on…” feature of

54
Find but a .dll or .ini file is a system file, so it may get by the person investigating. .dll and .ini
files are also, by their nature, usually hidden, so this will not arouse suspicion. Your system
default should be set not to read these hidden files, and you should return the folder to this
setting when finished. You can, however, rename a file extension whatever you wish but note
that there are not any legitimate .fuk files so don’t try to get too cute.

To Tell or Not to Tell…The Truth

Can you lie? Can you do it convincingly? Can you do it well enough to beat a computer?
If you want to find out, or if your wife wants to find out, there is a program she can use called
Truster. This program allows you to test recorded conversations, or actual phone
conversations in real time. My personal experience with this program is that it is pretty
accurate, but I wouldn’t say flawless. It did help me a great deal with the interview tapes I had
complied. (Believe it or not, men are less than honest in the “conquests” and methods
department). It works by measuring the vocal stress (micro tremors) produced when a person
is telling a lie. There are some things such as illness and alcohol that can skew the results
either in a positive or negative direction, but all in all it’s a pretty reliable program. It sells for
about 90 bucks. They also have a hand-held version which sells for about 60 bucks, but you
can read more about that on the website mil-spec-industries.com/truster/Index2.htm or
truster.com , or more information is available at www.Cheatmanual.

Basic Computer Maintenance

This has no real bearing on computer security but rather information on an all too neglected
computer practice. Scandisk and Defrag are two important computer maintenance features
that help keep your computer running at top performance and repair the errors that occur in
files over time. You will find these applications in the system tools folder.
Start/programs/accessories/system tools. Run Scandisk first, it will find and repair any errors
on your hard drive. After Scandisk has finished checking each of your hard drives, run the
Defrag application. The Defrag application will consolidate program information that has
been scattered due to normal hard disk operations, and reclaim the sections that have had files
deleted. In order to run these programs you will have to disable or shut down most of the
programs running in the system tray (located in the bottom right hand corner of the screen by
the clock). Common conflicts with these programs are anti-virus applications and scheduling
programs such as Microsoft Office. If Scandisk or Defrag keeps stopping and restarting, press
the Ctrl+Alt+Delete buttons and start shutting down the background programs one by one
until the conflicts are resolved. Reboot the computer after you complete the maintenance
procedure to restart/reload all of the programs.

Into Practice

We have covered a lot in this section, so I want to give you a quick and effective run down on
how you might be able to keep a document hidden from prying eyes. First change the folder
settings of the folder you’re going to be storing the letter in, to not view hidden files. You may
wish to hide the folder as well with a “computer sounding” name under the Windows
directory. Next, move the file into the folder and change its name to something that won’t
arouse suspicion. Make sure the document is password protected so the Find feature can’t
look into it. Then make the file invisible. It will appear as if nothing is there. You may wish to
55
copy (note I said COPY) some other files and .dll and .ini files as well into the folder just for
the hell of it, and to make Waldo harder to locate. Moving actual .dll and .ini files is not a
good thing to do because they are needed to run legitimate programs. Remember to remove
the Document History and the Recently Used File History, and be sure there are no backups
being made. To reopen the file go to the folder and change the settings to View Hidden Files,
use the Open with… option choose WinWord and enter the password. Tada…the document is
back. This whole matter could be made a lot simpler if you take the advise of one lady I know.
She says that you should never put anything in writing that you don’t want the whole world to
see. Personally I don’t know if that is realistic or not, but it would certainly save on the stress
about your computer’s security.

While the basic concepts for your needs are unchanging, the need for privacy and security,
things in the computer world change very fast. Upgrades and new technology make different
things possible at different times. I do recommend that you do your own research to see what
it is that will best suit your needs and desires, and to keep current with the progress that is
being made in defeating current standards. You should always remain vigilant and diligent in
your practices relating to computer security. Think of it as the hull of your boat, even a little
hole is going to sink you given enough time.

As a side note, just in case you didn’t know it: ALL forms of electronic communication are
monitored by the National Security Agency NSA through mind numbingly powerful
computers and information gathering devices. The system is called ECHELON, and is likened
to a giant vacuum cleaner that gathers information. Every phone conversation, fax
transmission, email, radio transmission, internet chat conversation, etc, etc, etc into and out of
the United States, and probably beyond, is taken into that vacuum and reviewed in some
manner. If this type of thing interests you, you can find stories all over the web about it. If this
kind of activity disturbs you, well don't bitch too loudly they will probably hear you.

When you look somewhere you’re not supposed to be looking, you have to be
prepared for what you are going to see.

Sales Stuff
The only psychology I have ever found completely useful in everyday life is sales psychology.
The points I will detail in this chapter are some of the most basic and powerful tools salesmen
possess. Mind you, I'm not going to try to turn you into a sales person, instead I hope to give
you a strong foundation on which to build if you wish. The positive and practical side of sales
is that it will save you money, help you maintain better control personally, and better maintain
most of the situations that may become unstable.

The Foundation of All Things Sales

In the sales world we are told there are two and only two motivating factors for people to do
things, they are: hope for gain and fear of loss. Of these two, the most powerful is the fear of
loss. People go to great lengths not to lose what they have. They will beg, borrow, steal, or kill
in extremes if necessary to keep what they have. Yes, some people will also do these things
with a hope for gain as well, but it is usually a rarer occurrence. We tend not to sympathize
with the man who kills his wife to collect the insurance money, as opposed to the widow,
56
holding back the police with firearms, trying to keep her house from being repossessed for
back taxes. Knowing when people are more likely to loose control and resort to extreme
actions can be measured by the value they place on what they are losing and/or how they are
losing it. Marketing people play to these two basic factors over and over again. Look at any
commercial for the security industry and you will see threats against your home and family.
The Insurance industry says your family will be destitute without their product, and
financially secure with it. The cosmetics industry sells on the basis that you’re losing your
looks, and they can help you stay beautiful. When you combine the hope for gain and fear of
loss motivations with the five classic reasons people do things: Love, Money, Power,
Revenge, and Guilt, you have the start of all of the driving permutations of mankind.

It is also an industry wisdom that nothing is bought, especially a high ticket item, without
some type of emotional commitment from the prospect (that’s you). Salesmen know that if
you cannot engage the client on an emotional level the chances of making a sale are almost
zero. Salesmen will even go so far as to provoke a negative emotion and try to turn it into a
positive one later. Sometimes there is a sales team wherein the first salesman will, after
getting the prospect angry, turn him over to a second salesman or "supervisor" (second voice)
who will apologize for his associates rude behavior, contrast his approach by being
conciliatory, then proceed to try to close the prospect. The second salesman has a much better
chance than the first because the emotions are already running high, and can be easily
changed with a simple change in personnel/gender. This is a variation in the Good Cop, Bad
Cop routine used by law enforcement; it is highly effective.

One of the first concepts to understanding yourself and the people surrounding you is this:
We like people who are like us, like-minded, similar acting, and/or similar looking.

The second concept you need to understand is that you can affect how much someone likes
you by how you relate to them (common ground).
To these two ends you need a few tools to help you better influence interactions and
outcomes. The first tool you need to understand is that in sales (and life) and NLP (Neuro-
Linguistic Programming) there are three considered personality types. They are; Auditory 25
percent, Visual 35 percent, and Kinesthetic 40 percent. Kerry L. Johnson describes these in
his book Subliminal Selling Skills quite well, and has some very detailed indicators.

Auditory
Auditorys make up about 25 percent of the people you know or meet. The auditory person
pays attention to how you are saying what you say, to form his opinions about you. With an
auditory person your vocal delivery is measured by its "pitch", "speed" of delivery, and "tone"
quality.
These people think in terms of sound and use terms like "Sounds good to me", or "I hear what
you are saying." They have an affinity (usually) for music, they like to listen to sounds. They
may not look at you directly during normal conversation because they are listening to you and
visual cues can be distracting to them.

57
If you want to impress an auditory person you will talk to them in their language of sound.
You will say things like " I heard it like this…" or "Can you tell me…", "Speaking of
which…" I'm sure you get the idea, if you don't there are always the Dick and Jane books.
If you want to insult an auditory person a good heart felt "fuck you" spoken clearly and
forcefully, and with feeling would get the point home. If that doesn't work, tell him " I Hear
they use your dick at the office to tell when the pencils are small enough to be thrown away."
Visual
This group of people make up about 35 percent of the population and they use terms like
"Looks good to me.", or "Show me what you mean." and "We See eye to eye."
They pay close attention to how they look, and pay attention to how YOU look.
Visuals are the type who think primarily in pictures, and focus on graphs, colors, gestures,
storyboards, and pictures. They like visual stimuli, lights and imagery, and tend to orbit
around activities that are visually engaging; someone that has an "eye for art", and "sees what
you are saying". An excellent example of a visual sentence comes from Harry Beckworth’s
book, Selling The Invisible (Pg 26) "…Looking for a vivid illustration of…", If that man isn't
a Visual person I'll eat Mariel Hemmingway's underwear with her still in them (Hey, if I'm
going to be wrong, at least I'm going to enjoy it).

If you want to impress a visual person, you will dress nicely, wear good colors, and be
personally well groomed. When you talk to them use “Visual speak” of course, and gesture
confidently a lot when making points. Of course, if you want to insult a visual person "The
Finger" is pretty effective. If that doesn't work, tell him that "I can picture you with a bunch of
sexy blonde naked women…in the dimly lit basement of any morgue in America." Use a lot of
gestures with it too (how you simulate a naked blonde dead woman is up to you).

Kinesthetic

These are the “Hands-on” people and are the majority of the group at about 40 percent. These
are people who make decisions based on their feelings or gut instinct. They will use terms like
"It feels right to me" or "The impression I get is….", or I'm hot on the idea." Kinesthetic's "get
the sensation" and they like to touch things (maybe even your "thing" if you’re lucky.) These
types of people like to hold and experience things up front, in person, and real. The best way
to interact with these people is to be gracious with them. Let them get a feel for things. Use
terms like "I've got a hot idea", or "Your home feels comfortable." Use terms that denote
temperature, hot, cold, warm and ones that indicate feelings such as joy, happy, hate, sadness.
If you want to piss a kinesthetic person off, run over their cat and then laugh about it.

In short as you have probably figured out by now, talk to people in their most comfortable
mode. We all can operate, of course, in all three modes but our brain likes to operate in one of
these modes primarily (this is it's comfort zone) and if you violate it, it obviously makes the
person you’re talking to less comfortable. If you cross-connect these wires during
conversation you get something like this:
"Look, this is how I feel but I don’t think your hearing me."

Cumbersome and confusing, isn't it? That statement delivered quickly causes a person to try
to cycle through all three modes at once and it has the effect of overloading the brain to a
58
degree. Also, we have an expectation that whichever mode you begin your sentence with will
be consistent all the way through. When it isn’t, it causes confusion.
The third concept you need to consider is: how you are viewed by others.
How you act can let people know a great deal about you. Here is a quick break down of what
most people pay attention to. Depending on what you read, it works out at about 70 percent is
how you look, 20 percent is how you say something, and 10 percent is what you actually say,
or the content of what you’re saying. This, basically, means that if you look good and you
sound good…. you can say damn near anything and get away with it.
Going down the tree, we see more information than we hear, and we typically hear more
information than we say. This is borne out by research and common sense. According to Bob
Bailey of humanfactors.com Aug 2000: “The average adult reading speed for English prose
text in the United States seems to be around 250 to 300 words per minute.” and “People
comfortably can hear words that are spoken at from 150 to 160 words per minute.”
How You Look

Your gaze when you say something is going to weigh in about 70 percent of the their decision
making process. If you will take the time to notice, you will see that in important matters
people typically look at each other more intently, when things are less critical the frequency of
direct eye contact drops dramatically. People will carry on conversation while doing other
things such as making coffee, cooking, having sex, or shooting pool. This is also a great way
to tell if the conversation you are having is important to the other person. How long someone
is looking at you can be a good thing or a bad thing, but it is always a thing. If they are telling
you something important, most times they look at you to make sure you understand what is
being said. Then at other times they have asked you a question and are trying to judge your
reactions.

Normally, if a person is trying to determine something from you they are going to be staring
in your direction. The more relaxed we are around people the less we look at them in general.

Another way to apply this knowledge is, if a person is trying to be evasive they will try to not
make eye contact (it usually offends us to have to lie directly), and will carry on conversation
while going about doing other things, but their speech patterns will be altered. They will,
however, look at you more frequently on key points to evaluate your looks and posture, to see
if they are being believed. This is why you need to pay attention to everything you do
especially if you are being scrutinized.

How You Say

Your verbal delivery of something weighs in at about 20 percent of the decision making
process. If you are laughing when you say that the mother you have loved all of your life is
dead after being struck by a bolt of lightning, you are going to have either your mental health,
or your veracity questioned…with this example there is a good chance for both.
If you say that with a somber tone and a slight break to your voice, it will add to your
credibility. Other qualities that are important to monitor about how you say something are:
Tone, the quality of your voice; Pitch, how loud you say something; and Pace, how fast you
say something; speaking quickly can be interpreted as either excitement or an attempt at
deception. How something is said (Tone, Pitch, and Pace), helps set the tone or mood for what

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is being said (the actual words.). This point is underscored in book after book: The Gentle Art
of Verbal Self-defense by Suzette Elgin (English Stress), The Closers, and Zig Ziglar's Secrets
of Closing Sales, just to name a few. Zig Ziglar has a superb example of how important Pitch
alone is in speech. He uses the sentence in one of his sales training videos I saw years ago: "I
didn't say he beat his wife." By simple emphasis on any one of the seven words he changed
what it meant entirely.
Stressing the words that are in bold print you get the different meanings. Try it.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife." Implies that he wasn't the one who said it, somebody else
said it.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife." Punctuates that he didn’t say it.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife." Implies that he didn't say it…but he might have written it
down or prodded someone else into guessing it.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife." Implies that it was someone else is beating his wife.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife. Implies some other kind of abuse.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife. Implies he is beating someone else's wife.
* "I didn't say he beat his wife. Implies that he was beating someone else.

Of course this example should in no way be construed or interpreted as advocating in any

way, shape, or form beating your wife…or anyone else's either.

What You Say

Content makes up the remainder of the communication at about 10 percent. This is the only
part of your communication that "Can and will be used against you in a court of law" as the
police say. They really do say that too, right before they cuff you and cart your formerly,
happy ass off to jail (yeah, it might be first hand knowledge). This might be the smallest part
of what's important in communication, but it’s certainly the segment that gives the other two
purpose.

Remember: how you look and how you say something (tone, pitch and pace) are the
nonverbal cues to how important something is, and to what to expect next. What you say is a
fact, but how you say things and how you look when you say them is the indicator of how
important they are, so it is most crucial to make sure all three of these things are consistent
with each other for clear and effective communication. As an aside, if you mismatch these
three points, it usually indicates humor in some form or another, which can also be used to
your advantage.

Mirroring

A helpful sales tool for you to use with this section of knowledge is called "mirroring". There
are a few forms of mirroring, crossover mirroring, verbal mirroring/tone, and verbal cue
mirroring/keywords. Going along with the assertion that we like and trust more readily people
who are like us, mirroring provides us a means of quickly closing the gap, of achieving good
rapport with someone. Basically, this technique consists of mimicking the movements and
gestures, and selected speech or sayings of the person you are talking to. In more advanced
practice it includes verbal mirroring, matching the tone of voice, and verbal cue mirroring,
using the catch phrases and vernacular of the person you’re talking with.

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A simplistic example of this would go something like this: You are talking to your wife and
she is sitting with her arms crossed. You match this by crossing your arms the same way, or
the reverse (crossover mirroring). When she talks she opens her arms and says, "This place is
a wreck and I'm too tired to clean it, know what I mean?" then she crosses her arms again.
You do the same…when you begin speaking you uncross your arms and say something like
this; "I agree, and I’ll see if I can't help you out with it." then you finish and cross your arms
again.

To make this exchange more powerful and connected to her you might try using her tone
(verbal mirroring) and/or her key words and phrases (verbal cue mirroring) like " I know what
you mean, this place is a wreck. I’ll see what I can do to help you."

Leading

The next phase to mirroring is called leading, and that is simply once you have built rapport,
you stop following the person’s lead and start taking the lead yourself. Quite often what you
find is that the other person will start to follow your lead. The reason for this is that we
unconsciously don’t like breaking rapport with someone we like. Uncross your arms and leave
them uncrossed, and if the rapport is strong enough they will uncross theirs too and leave
them uncrossed. As you will read in the section on body language this is a good situation to be
in. Using this technique will help you create an environment more conducive to accepting
what you have to say. This isn’t to say you can lead a shy person to strip down naked and do
the Watusi in Central Park, but it might be enough to get them to the park to watch you do it.

This information should have demonstrated the verbal skills we all use in everyday life
without thinking about it. Hopefully once you’re made conscious of the dynamics of speech
and its perception you will be able to use it as a tool for better communication.

The Close

A close is what is used in sales terms to either signify the conclusion of a deal, or as a
reference to a tool used to complete the sale. There are Ascending closes, Assumptive closes,
Ben Franklin closes, the Puppy Dog close, the Alternative choice close, and many more. If
you would like an excellent education about sales look up Brian Tracy at his website
briantracy.com and order the 24 Closing Techniques. It’s worth every last cent.

Question

"You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by
his questions." -Naguib Mahfouz

The MOST powerful of any sales technique is the artful use of the question. Let me state that
again because this section alone, if you understand it and use it well, will be worth the cost of
the entire book, and change your life by helping you get you more of anything you want. The
MOST powerful of any sales technique is the artful use of the question.

Many, many companies use this along with "YES" psychology (also called the ascending
close). This combination requires you to ask closed ended questions (questions that require a
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yes or no) that can only be answered with a yes. The idea is that after you say yes, yes, yes 13
or more times you are less inclined to say no. This closing, of course, is also "yes" based.

The power of the question comes from the implicit control it exerts on its subject. That is the
reason many people do not like their questions answered by questions, because whether they
realize iconsciously or not, whoever asks the questions, and more importantly the LAST
question, is in control of the conversation at that moment. Even if the other person doesn't
answer your question (see silence and the pregnant pause) you are still in control. There are a
few exceptions to that rule, for instance, rhetorical questions, or if the course of the
conversation and the scope of the questions can be led in a favorable direction by your
answers; you are in control, because for all the pretence, you are directing the questions. Good
speakers use this subtly when they want to draw an audience in. The speaker acts like they
forgot something, tries to describe it, and then appeals to the audience to assist them. It might
go something like this; "A good example of what I'm talking about can be seen in the
movie…um, oh wow, I just drew a blank, you know that movie with Sharon Stone and
Michael Douglas…" This appeals to human desire to help, and invariably someone in the
audience will say "Basic Instinct". Works like a charm.

If you are getting uncomfortable while being questioned, you can do one of two things to
maintain control, ask a question in return, or ignore the question and proceed as if it wasn’t
asked. If they say that you’re dodging the question, tell them you thought it was a rhetorical
question, or that you’re not going to dignify it by answering it. A good question can lead a
person to a topic of interest to you, or away from a subject you would rather not discuss
(changing the subject). You change the subject by answering the question and then asking
your own immediately afterwards, although it is not always a good idea to go from the current
subject to something completely off the wall like say…"What's the price of tea in China?" or
"Do you think Angela Landsbury would look sexy in a thong bikini?"

We see conscious examples of people exerting control through questions in everyday life,
from the lawyers in court (who hate being asked questions when you’re on the stand…don’t
ask how I know this); to police officers who start the conversation with "Do you know why I
pulled you over?"; to the more mundane questions from your boss or self-important
coworkers. "You know that report is due today don’t you?" ("Well, fuck yes I know it is due
today and it will be delivered too, along with the three hundred other reports that took priority
over the first fucking one!! You enema sucking, corporate climbing gorilla, I hope you choke
on all the dick you sucked just to get to middle management."). [Authors note: I agreed to put
that slam in there for a manager from Office Max who agreed to an interview…I think he was
saving this one up. Can't ya just feel the love?]

The nature of a question is a slippery thing, in that you need to determine if the reason for the
question is a request for information, or about establishing power and control.

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Feel, Felt, Found

Many people having affairs try to invalidate the legitimate feelings of their spouses concerns
that you’re "not acting right", or "are you having and affair?" as noted in "Gotcha!!! How to
Tell if Your Lover is Having an Affair" by Alda Wirsche & Marnie Milot. They do this by
telling their spouse they are "crazy" and the notion is "absurd".

This is not the right thing to do. You are trying to discredit your spouse and since we all have
a need to be correct and/or respected, your spouse will probably go looking for proof as their
next step to vindication. (By the way…if you have gotten to this point you have failed on
many levels, the point of this book is to NOT get to this level.) Facts can be right or wrong,
but feelings are always legitimate or real. Normally, feelings are based on right or wrong
information, but they exist as they are and must be dealt with as such. One approach that
salespeople use when overcoming objections, that works quite well in this circumstance, is
called the “Feel, Felt, Found” method. Any sales training book at all "worth its salt" will have
this technique in it. This is how it looks in action. First listen to the comment/objection/
question fully before you respond, repeat it back if you are not sure, to see if YOU understand
it correctly and to let them know that you have been listening, then proceed. (When a person
gives you three excuses chances are it’s the last one that’s the real reason.)
"Doug you have been acting more distant and have been coming in at all hours of the
night…are you having an affair?"
Doug looks reflective (not defensive) for a moment or two and replies, "Betty, you're right
and I'm glad that we're talking about this. I understand how you feel. I have been acting
differently, and I have been coming in at all hours of the night, and if I were in your place I
would have felt the exact same way you do right now, unless I found something to confirm I
wasn't having an affair. I love you. What can I do to ease your mind?"

This approach does not directly invalidate the concerns of the other person, rather it embraces
and confirms that their feelings are indeed reasonable and fair. It also shows that you are
understanding of the concerns they are having and want to find a solution for the problem.
(Did you notice it ends with a question?)

Focus
Ever see the police dramas where the detective makes the suspect nervous as he starts moving
slowly around the room? The bad guy put the incriminating evidence in the hidden chamber
of a nearby statue and as the super cop gets closer to the concealed catastrophe, the suspect
starts to display the classic nervous signs. He gets jittery, his voice goes up, his arms cross, he
might even glance at the statue once or twice before he scratches his forehead in an effort not
to look at the statue. The man has guided our heroic and clever law enforcement agent to
exactly where he needs to look. To confirm it, he might step away and watch our simmering
villain relax and cool down a bit before stepping back and admiring the beautiful statue. At
that point our desperado knows that the flatfoot is on to him, and pulls a gun telling everyone
to move away from the door as a sniper unit puts one through the back of his head. God, I
love a good mystery. The point of this little episode is that what you say, how you act, and
what you focus on is what other people focus on. If you focus on a certain day, or time, or
person, this is what your wife is going to focus on as well. Don’t look at where you hid the
condoms. Don’t look at where you put the statement from your secret account, and most of all
remember…don’t pull a gun on a cop and tell everyone to move away from the door.
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The Alternative Choice Close
This is a simple and potent means of getting someone to commit to something, not by the
conventional method of asking if a person wants it or not, but rather by making the
assumption that they do want it (this is called the assumptive close), and you are just asking
them to make a choice between the details. The alternative choice close works on the principle
that when given a choice between two somethings you will choose one of the items offered 98
percent of the time. Whereas, if offered a choice between something and nothing you only
have a 50 percent chance at best. This why Burger King asks "Do you want fries or onion
rings with that?"
A quick list of alternative possibilities are:
Numbers: Would you like one shot or two in your drink?
Times: Today at noon, or tomorrow at noon?
Places: Your place or mine?
Colors: Red or green?
Positions: Top or bottom?
Loan shark: one kneecap or two?
Many salesmen use several alternative closes in a row. Your wife might use it like this:
"Honey, you want steak or chops?” You answer. She says "Do you want peas or carrots with
the mashed potatoes?" This saves the time and hassle of having you decide the entire menu.
You might use it like this "Honey I want to go bowling next week Friday or Saturday, is that
going to conflict with anything?" If she says “No”…you’re out the door, if she says, “Yes, we
have an parent-teacher conference Friday, and Saturday is little Billy's play.” then you say,
"Ok, Sunday it is." When you give a choice between a good and a bad thing, or a bad thing
and another bad thing (like political candidates), it becomes a bit more obvious you’re being
manipulative.

Remember this choice…hand or belt?

Silence and the Pregnant Pause

This is different than the silent treatment your wife gives you after you make a fool out
of yourself and embarrass her. Silence in the sales arena is used for impact, and should wisely
follow either a question, to give you time to listen, or after you have asked the prospect to
buy. It is widely believed that the person who speaks first after the buying question has been
asked, is the one sold. Meaning, if the salesman speaks first the prospect has sold him and isn't
going to buy. If the client speaks first, the salesman has sold him and he will agree to the
purchase. Keeping quiet is a hard thing to do when your hopes are high. If, after you
proposed, your wife looked at the ring, looked back at you and said nothing, you would begin
to wonder if you had gotten the wrong ring. Is she going to say no? Was this a bad time to
ask? Does my breath stink? And then you would ask her if something was wrong.

When asking or answering a question, or making a statement, if you use silence or a pregnant
pause the very next thing said will have double the impact. It's sort of like the force of all of
the words not said during the pause are compressed into the next sentence. You can use this
most effectively to make dramatic impact when making a point, or with feelings you wish to
express. A certain amount of caution and common sense should be used with this technique,
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because if you leave certain pauses pregnant for too long they give birth and are useless to
you. No one will care what you say beyond that point because any answer will seem insincere
or contrived. If you combine the pregnant pause with the use of the person’s name it adds
nicely to the effect. People respond better, and listen more attentively, when you use their
name. Bill is called into your office. “Bill you have not been doing your job well, and Bill you
have been siphoning off the petty cash account to finance your budding crack addiction.” You
tell Bill all of this, and follow it with, "Bill…(caesura) you’re fired." He knows it's coming,
and every time you use his name in connection with negative things, Bill's own name makes
him feel uncomfortable. This can also work quite well when you praise someone's good
deeds.

Buying Time

This one almost everyone has had done to them at one time or another. The cheapest way
to buy time is with time, or at least the promise of it. You tell your kid to take out the garbage
and what does he say, "I'll do it in a minute.” Ten minutes later it's still there over flowing and
looking like a modern art tribute to Oscar the grouch. Sales people do this too. During a
presentation, if they notice the prospect is getting annoyed at the length of the presentation,
they might say: "This will only take a minute to explain." and it takes three. Add up all of the
minutes the salesman said he was going to use and compare it to what it actually took, and it
will look like a member of Congress tried to balance that checkbook. Men do this with their
mistresses as well, promising that by such and such a date they will be together, and then
“something comes up” to prevent it. You might not be able to make more time, or recover the
past time…but you sure can cook the books of expectation with just a little effort. With
respect to your mistress, it's more commonly called "stringing her along."

Can You Do Me A Favor?

Of course there is nothing wrong with doing something for someone, it's a nice thing to do,
and does not necessarily contain a hidden agenda. But something most people don't realize,
well…people who haven’t read Get Anyone to do Anything by Dr. David J. Lieberman, is that
you can get people to like you more if they do something for you. It doesn't have to be a large
thing either, just the act itself is enough to help build a stronger rapport between two people.
Sales people use this little factoid by asking their prospect to do them a favor by "keeping an
open mind", or ask them if they "would be so kind" as to go get them a soda or something
from a vending machine. If you find yourself feeling closer than you suspect you ought to
towards someone and you are not sure why, think about this little truth of human interaction.

Emotional Magnification

As there are techniques to minimize emotions such as Deconstruction, there are certain
techniques that can be used to amplify emotions. The hot button close is one such technique.
You find what the prospect is interested in and you keep pushing that hot button or buttons
over and over again. For instance, if you sell cars, and your prospect is interested in saving the
planet, their concerns are going to be fuel economy, emissions, and the fact that 90 percent of
the vehicle was made from recycled soda cans and disposable diapers. "Sure it costs a little
more but isn't cleaner water and air, not to mention more space in the landfills, worth it? It's
an economical way of doing your part to save the precious resources we have left".
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Sometimes one emotion such as guilt, anger, or embarrassment can amplify another. Say our
tree hugging environmentalist drove up in a Hummer. Pointing out to him that he is driving a
vehicle that eats more fuel in an average day than a Cambodian village uses to cook with in a
week will certainly put a red flush in those cheeks, and make him more susceptible to your hot
button approach and vehicle offerings.

Another way to amplify an emotion such as anger is through a false assumption. Our fellow
drives up in a hummer and wants to see something more fuel efficient. Damn near anything is
more fuel efficient than a hummer, with the possible exception of the space shuttle (They
were designed for government use after all). You (intentionally) falsely assume he wants to
see something in a gas guzzling Minivan because he obviously likes a roomy vehicle. He
protests, you act like you understand, then show him something in a V-8 Land Rover because
he obviously wants something for off road. He protests again because you’re wasting his time,
and you’re not showing him what he wants. By the time you get to what he wants there is a
high amount of emotion, and you apologize, of course, for your misunderstanding. If you can
convert the anger into rapport, you will have a higher emotional investment than a hot button
alone, and you have a sale.
If you really want to see amplification of emotion, to the point of fireworks, mix a negative
upon a negative upon a negative. Fire an employee for no reason, then tell him you have been
shagging his wife on Thursday nights when she is supposed to be at BINGO, top it off with
you killed his dog and the kid he has been raising for the last five years is actually yours. He
will have a case for temporary insanity and your wife will thank you for paying all of the
premiums on the $250,000 life insurance policy. Posthumously, of course.

Temperature

During a sales interaction or discussion, or even during an argument, there is a process going
on known as Taking Someone’s Temperature. No, I don’t mean shove a thermometer up their
ass, though in an argument it might seem like a good idea for a moment or two. When you
take someone's temperature you are asking how they feel about something. A sales person
would ask questions about how the product suits the prospect’s needs. In a discussion, you ask
questions, or try to determine how someone feels about a particular idea. In an argument, you
check to see if you have hit the right buttons to piss 'em off even further.

Women may use gifts, or unreasonable requests, to take your temperature about whether or
not you really do care as much as you say you do. You have probably done this by saying
something like: “I was thinking about going up to the bar later.” to see how agreeable she is
to the idea. If she says, “Okay.” then you’re going to the bar later. If she starts throwing
dishes, or begins crying and lamenting about how little together time you have anymore,
you've probably figured out that you’re going to be sucking a Bud Lite from home, while
spending quality time watching the most blatant, emotionally pandering, piece of crap the
Lifetime Network can find to put on television. Lucky you. Pay attention to this technique
because it means there is more to follow and you may not like it.

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 Touch
All touch is an emotional expression. From a punch to a handshake to a hug, every physical
interaction we have communicates something about us either intentionally or unintentionally.
Touch is probably the most powerful nonverbal communication that can go on between two
people, and being such, it is something that can help you communicate the intention you want
if you know what you are doing. For instance, a warm, gentle touch is the action
(manifestation) of a caring intent, and is usually perceived as such. For a quick understanding
of how important touch is, consider the German Emperor Fredrick II, who wanted to know
what language children would speak if they were raised without hearing the speech of anyone
else. To this end, he took infants from their mothers and gave them to nuns to raise. The nuns
cared for the children's basic necessities, such as feeding, health, and sanitary concerns but
otherwise left the children alone, not speaking to them, of course, but also not hugging or
playing with them, or touching them. The result was that every child died. Similar
experiments have also been done with primates with the same 100 percent mortality rate. The
statement that “man does not live by bread alone” is, to say the least, an understatement.

Your skin is the largest sensory organ of the human body, and is directly connected to the
central nervous system. It contains millions of sensory cells, and they are used for both
punishment and pleasure. Touch Therapists claim connections between touch deprivation and
negatively altered sleep cycles, immune functions, social dysfunctions, academic scores, and
violence. Touch deprivation unfortunately, is a side effect in many cases of having an affair.
As I said before, it is hard to stay close to someone you feel guilty about betraying. It's also
difficult to touch, in a positive way, someone with whom you are angry, which is quite easily
what guilt becomes.

Touch is also a very good measure of trust that is fairly easy to evaluate. People, as a rule,
guard their personal space and will back away if you come too close; they are not comfortable
having you within their personal space. If you are allowed into that personal space, and even
closer, to be able to touch them, it says a great deal about how much they like you at that
particular moment. If you want to see this in action, the next time you fight with your wife see
how close you can get before she crosses her arms, or how close you want her to you before
you start feeling uncomfortable.

If you want to get to a better place, especially with the women in your life, try touching them,
hugging them, stroking them, rubbing their backs. Touch them as much as possible.
If you think about it, knowing all of this, not touching someone you love is about the
unkindest thing you can do.

"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we
love them not when we feel like it, but when they do." -Nan Fairbrother

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 Body Language
“Most often lies fail because some sign of an emotion being concealed leaks. The stronger the
emotions involved in the lie, and the greater the number of different emotions, the more likely
it is that the lie will be betrayed by some form of behavioral leakage.” Telling Lies by Paul
Ekman (Pg. 21)

Body language, or nonverbal communication, can tell quite a bit about a situation, and if you
know how to use it, it can help you communicate better as well…even lie better if necessary.
Depending on your source material, the amount of nonverbal communication during an
interaction ranges from 65 percent to 98 percent of the total communication that is going on.
Many private investigators, if you are in a group situation, will use your body language to
help them determine who the other woman in the triangle is. Part of their advantage is that
you do not know you are being observed, and those stolen moments you take to glance
knowingly at your mistress (and the reverse) will tell an investigator all they need to know.

This section will cover many of the basics about body language, and although it is not an in-
depth coverage of the subject, it will give you a decent awareness of the nonverbal signals you
and others give off. Because many people take a particular gesture to mean the same thing in
all cases, this section comes with a stern warning about trying to take a single gesture, assume
its meaning, and apply it across the board in every situation. You cannot. Body language, or
nonverbal communication, like verbal communication, can mean different things in different
situations, and very different things across different cultures.
(soc302.tripod.com/soc_302rocks/id6.html is a great site for a quick study of other cultures
and their cultural cues).

In this section, I will list some of the more common nonverbal expressions that you might
want to pay attention to. And again, I will warn that nonverbal communication, like verbal
communication, MUST BE TAKEN IN CONTEXT TO BE PROPERLY INTERPRETED. If
you are talking with someone and their arms are folded and it also happens to be cold out, it
could be that they are not being closed to you, but rather cold and trying to stay a bit warmer.
Some facial expressions, or lack there of, might be the result of a stroke, or a particular
medication. So when trying to interpret nonverbal communication don’t just jump to
conclusions, you may end up looking like an ass…and who has time for that unless you
happen to hold a political office. It is recommended by many different sources to look for
gesture clusters as opposed to a single signal. This will help you cut down on error rates, and
prove far more productive than looking for a “Holy Grail” signal which can be fabricated.

The first thing you want to know is if someone is open and receptive, or closed and defensive
to you, your conversation, or suggestions. A person who is open tends to exhibit the following
traits; unfolded arms, palms up and open, and uncrossed legs. Additionally, an open person
may face you directly making frequent and/or prolonged eye contact, and even have a
tendency to lean towards you. People involved in romantic situations generally tend to bend
towards the person they are attracted to. People who are being disagreeable or defensive will
do the opposite. They will fold their arms, cross their legs, turn away from you, and may
possibly lean back away from you. If you watch two people giving each other the “silent
treatment” they will display most of these signals, and their postures, in most cases, will be
pointing in directions other than the person they are upset with. Frequently but not always,

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nonverbal responses are related more to verbal conversation than to your own body language.
Obviously if you appear threatening by using gestures, or by some other means, people are
going to respond defensively in most cases, but it is going to be your words that are going to
govern their responses. If you are lying to your wife, and she knows you are lying, she is very
likely to fold her arms, or use another gesture to close you off from her. The folding of arms
creates in the mind a barrier to hide behind, and to distance yourself from the other person.

If she is sitting down and crosses her legs up high, there is a good chance you ain't getting any
tonight. If your wife starts/is having a conversation with you, much like our mystery detective
from earlier, she may be looking for Probe Points, or as they are more commonly called your
tells. If you were playing poker your tells would reveal you’re bluffing. Some common tells,
or reactions to certain words or topics, are the adam's-apple-jump which is what happens to
your adam's-apple when your wife tells you that some woman named Annette (which is
coincidently your mistresses name) stopped by today. Swallowing, showing your Tongue or
Clearing the throat are other common probe points, as are Lip pursing, Blinking (the normal
rate is 15 to 25 per minute; the rate will go up as your stress does.), and Biting the Lip. When
you do one of these things your wife may decide to ask more questions relating to the
keywords which triggered those responses. You may have other unconscious responses you
are unaware of that are unique to you; she will know them. You need to learn them and train
yourself out of them, then you will be able to use them to your advantage as false tells.

Other gestures you might want to be aware of and avoid in relation to deception are: touching
your face or nose when you lie, putting your hand or hands over your mouth, adjusting
clothing, shifting in your seat, pulling on your ear, rubbing the back of the neck, running your
fingers through your hair, deep breaths, and if you can help it, don’t sweat. The underarms,
hands, and forehead are areas where sweating will become apparent. (Shame they don’t make
Right Guard for your hands, and forehead.) Sweating, galvanic skin resistance, and other
autonomic stress indicators such as breathing and heart rate, are what are generally measured
by polygraph tests. A few places do market Bio-feedback devices which can be used
alternatively as a type of lie detector. The least expensive of the group are called GSR
feedback devices (galvanic skin resistance). They can run from about 140 bucks, to as much
as a few thousand, depending on the bells and whistles you want. You can perhaps use one of
these devices to train yourself to better manage stress and handle situations more effectively.
Because it's called a Bio-feedback device you could probably get one and tell your wife you
are using it to try to help manage your stress and anger, and it will go unnoticed as a training
tool for deception. (She could, of course, do the same thing to you.)

Normally, when you are experiencing stress, and cannot extricate yourself from the situation,
you will perform something called self touching, touching of the lips, scratching, rubbing, etc.
The reason for this is due to the conflict with our Fight or Flight instinct. That’s the instinct
that told our ancestors when a saber-toothed tiger was coming to eat us, that you chose to
battle it or run away from it. But in modern life we don't really have the option of kicking the
hell out of our boss, or running away from our place of work. So we have to battle that
instinct, and that can be just as stressful, if not more so, than the condition that invoked the
reaction in the first place. We soothe ourselves by touching ourselves in some manner to help
burn off or spend the excess nervous energy. This is also the underlying premise of why
people tap or strum their fingers, play with objects such pencils or click pens, use worry
stones or beads, or play with other types of sanity toys (www.sanitytoys.com).

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For most people the act of lying is not something they like to, and it is at this point that they
tend to drop clues about their truthfulness. It is a far, far better thing to properly conceal your
affair in the first place, than to try to lie your way through why someone spotted you in the
company of some hot vixen in the local night club when you were supposed to be working
late. A smart wife will not approach you with the information the moment you get home, but
rather wait until you are focused on something else, and then blindside you with the discovery
using a lead in like, "Oh by the way…Jill said you were at Pump Daddy's last Friday." You
will probably respond with a denial like..."It wasn't me; I was at work." She pauses for a
moment (to build tension), and asks you, "Ok, who did you loan your car to?" It's all downhill
from there. Because you were caught off guard, I can almost guarantee that your body
language will have leaked the truth.

The proper method of interrogation, or even for cross examination, is to first establish what
your normal patterns are for that moment, that’s why non-threatening lead-in questions are
normally used. Your wife might have started her questions with “How was your day?”, or
“Did you remember to get milk?”, and then progress into the meat of the matter with “So,
you're fucking Pam, and you’re not even using condoms?” The underlined portion of this
statement is being used to test the first part. If you are "fucking Pam", the little factoid seems
to add credibility, even if you did use condoms. Your mind begins to wonder if she has been
talking to Pam (because only you and Pam would know whether or not you have been using
condoms), and what Pam has said. This is an example of the assumptive close, and the selling
past the sale close. This close is based on assuming a prospect has bought your product, and
you are asking how they are planning on using it. If they answer, they have bought it without
having to verbalize the commitment. If you protest the right or wrong accusation about the
condom (which is the first impulse), you’re going to confirm the first part of the statement.

If you are trying to determine how confident someone is of their information, you can
generally tell this by how it is presented. If your wife comes to you facing straight at you,
shoulders squared, head facing directly at you, she is pretty damned confident about what she
thinks she knows. If her ears and/or neck have reddened, and she has her hands on her hips as
well, she is probably about to go postal. This position is the most direct and/or
confrontational. This is the extreme that tells you she believes she has the goods on you. Her
speech will probably be in the form of rhetorical questions and statements. This particular
behavior may be preceded by finger or foot tapping, or intense staring. Most of this you
probably already know about your wife. This information may help with your mistress
though. The less certain and/or confrontational she is will be reflected in an oblique (off
center) head and/or body facing in your direction. The distance you or she places between the
two of you will also indicate how upset or uncertain she is. Typically, men are taller than
women so in a rather heated discussion the distance between the two of you is going to be
greater if it’s feasible.

There are a few reasons for this to occur. The first one is to either consciously or
subconsciously remove the dominating feeling of being next to someone bigger than you. The
other reason is to allow distance for evaluation of your reaction during the course of the
"conversation", or as an emotional buffer. People don't normally like to be close to the ones
that hurt them. Keep in mind that Comfort Zones or Personal Space differ over time and/or
place, from culture to culture, and from person to person. General estimates are that the
Intimate range is from 0 to 18 inches. The personal range is from 18 inches to 4 feet. The
Social distance is about 4 feet to 12 feet, and the Public range is about 12 feet to infinity. (Any
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number less than zero in is called the In-the-mate range and is anywhere from -2 to -9inchs;
otherwise known as fornication.) You can tell how you are doing in resolving an issue by how
close you can get to each other, providing you're not coming to blows.

Another area of body language, which reveals a lot of information, is the eyes. Pretend you
are looking at a book…ok this book. The past is what you have just read on the left, the here
and now is what you’re reading in the middle, and the future is on the right where you haven't
gone yet. The top of the book, for our reference, will be called upper, the center will be called
center, and the bottom on the book will be called down. For you math buffs out there, the X
axis is left, middle, right and the Y axis is upper, center, down. Now, if you look at someone
they are going to be mirrored exactly opposite of you.

Now that you have your orientation, let’s give you some information to work with. Visual
people, as we discovered earlier, see pictures when they think, so they have a tendency to look
up when thinking, as if trying to look at a picture in their mind. As you are looking at them
the past is to the upper right, the here and now is in the upper middle, and the future is in the
upper left. Visuals can also have an unfocused center/middle gaze when in deeper
concentration. Auditory people will have the tendency to look either slightly down and to the
right, or to the center/right for the past, slightly down/center for the present, and either
center/left or slightly down left for the future (you are looking at them). Kinesthetic people
tend to look down/right for most of their thinking, but also display similar cues as either
visuals or auditory people.

Now why is all of this important? I'm glad you asked. If I were to ask you how old you are,
this is a question you ought to know…if I see you are looking to the future (left) and not the
past (right) for the answer …I can tell you’re probably going to be lying to me. Even good
actors do this. I'm going to use the police drama Law and Order as an example here. If you
watch the people you suspect are lying to the police their eyes will flash to the left just for a
second before they start lying to the cops, who will of course discover it later on. It's such a
natural part of the thinking process, you normally don’t even think to control where your eyes
are going when you try to solve a problem. You can consciously control this of course, but
you may notice it’s a bit more difficult to think and answer questions as you do. If you have a
list of ready made lies, all you have to do is look back to the past instead of looking to the
future to make them up.

Interestingly, there has been some research to indicate that making eye contact for long
periods of time (a minute or more) can foster feelings of closeness and can almost be
hypnotic. This also links rather strongly to the research indicating the emotions can be created
or altered by keeping the expression you desire on your face. If you feel sad and you hold a
smile on your face long enough you will begin to feel better, and it may result in changing the
thought processes to the point where you actually do feel happy. A kind of fake it, ‘til you
make it situation. The amount of eye contact you have with someone can provoke or
intimidate them as well, as when staring into the eyes of a wild animal that happens to
outweigh you by a few hundred pounds, or into the eyes of an agitated officer during a police
interrogation.

Former president Bill Clinton, who is widely considered to have charisma oozing out of his
every pore, makes very solid eye contact with someone and maintains it until the conversation
is concluded. If all else fails during a conversation, make direct eye contact and don't vary
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from it. The longer you maintain eye contact the better chance you have of things not turning
out quite so bad, unless of course you happen to have married and offended a fifteen hundred
pound Kodiak brown bear.

Women can also tell a great deal about you by your kiss. Remember your wife and your
mistress have a baseline for comparison, too much or too little out of the ordinary can signal a
change in you. The kiss on the lips is also a very intimate act designed to convey emotional
and/or sexual content. If the kisses you give your mistress grow longer, deeper and more
passionate, chances are you are developing deeper feeling for her, or your home life is getting
worse and your emotions may be being driven by fears of being alone.

Pay attention to how you kiss and to how your wife likes to be kissed. Do you kiss her harder
after your team wins the Super Bowl or during sex? When you get home is a peck on the
cheek expected? Other tips you can use that hint at a persons veracity are smiles, a truly
happy smile can be seen in the eyes are well as on the lips, the smile that is only on the lips is
a mask that may be hiding something behind it. Lips can also signal various emotional states
such as arousal or anger. If she is aroused her lips will become fuller and warmer with the
increased blood flow (simulated by red lip stick); if her lips grow thinner and colder the blood
is being restricted, and she is probably not in the best of moods. Ever kiss a pissed off
woman? (Not your first choice right?) Notice any resemblance to kissing a corpse? (Maybe
that’s just me.) I'm sure you get the idea, if not, kiss a corpse.

Here are some miscellaneous signs and approaches you might find useful when you want to
try to make close personal (not sexual) contact with someone, and remove all the barriers
between you and them. If you are a smoker put down the cigarette, if you are holding
something put it down, if you wear glasses remove them, project an image of openness,
accessibility and honesty. To reinforce an attempt at honesty stand face to face, eye to eye,
and touch naturally if possible. A powerful position to discuss important things is to sit
directly facing each other knee-to-knee so to speak. If you can manage it, take and hold your
wife's hands. It will keep her arms open, and can provide the positive and reinforcing
elements of touch. Some other signals that might be of interest to you are the nonverbal cues
of sexual arousal in women in general.

* Lips get fuller, and warmer when aroused, she may also lick her lips more frequently
* Pupil dilation (not a pregnant college co-ed)
* Subtle change in scent
* Change in breathing pattern (deeper or quicker)
* Arched back, panting, cold nose, tail wagging. Wrong species, Farmer John!
* Biting lip
* Leaning in
* Extended eye contact
* Square facing
* Uncrossed arms and legs…coma victims don’t count.

I'm sure if you pay attention you can determine more specific signs in the women in your life.
Be observant, know your wife and mistress better than they know themselves.
You don’t need to be Johnny Carson's Karnac The Magician to figure this stuff out. With a
little practice, you can start to see the all of the communication that has been going on around
you without you ever having consciously recognized it. Different researchers claim different
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numbers about how much of the total communication is nonverbal, but they range from 65 to
98 percent. Even on the low side, I'm sure you can see the importance of making sure your
words and your actions match. When they don't, you are questioned. Remember:
Inconstancies tell on you…and everyone else.

Selecting a Mistress
Whether your taste in women goes from the beauty to the bizarre, from a sweet melody to a
synthesized voice box that would turn Darth Vader’s knees weak, when selecting a mistress,
there are a few things you are going to want to keep in mind…knowing that you should avoid
choosing someone who is being followed by the media, or wanted by members of law
enforcement ought to be a foregone conclusion. So, let's start with something more useful.
You need to remember: you are choosing a mistress, not a wife. This needs to be said because
mistresses do not make the crossover well. Ninety-eight percent of the time choosing someone
that could be a second wife is only going to lead to a divided heart and misery. Your marriage
only stands a fifty percent chance of making it anyway. Adding a mistress that might make
you want to leave your wife and home reduces the chances of your marriage lasting down to
somewhere around your ankles when you’re knee deep in shit. So one of the first and most
important factors you need to keep in mind is not to choose your mistress on the grounds that
she is going to replace your wife. There is a strong social stigma associated with a mistress,
even though The Scarlet Letter has gone away, that should aid you.

The second most important factor to remember when selecting a mistress is that you choose a
mistress because you believe she is a reasonably good security threat (she ain't gonna tell).
More than that, is she willing to help you keep the encounter(s) a secret? This is why I stated
earlier, you should never have an affair with someone who has less to lose than you do. If she
has as much to lose she will assist you in keeping things under wraps. This does not mean it's
a good idea to have an affair with a married woman. All that does is increase the danger to
you by having to coordinate two schedules, and doubles the amount of people you have to
keep it secret from. You also have to rely on her ability to be able to successfully keep things
from her husband. Double the risk does not necessarily mean double the pleasure…and if it
does, it also means double the pain. More than a small amount of the people I interviewed
were caught by the other woman's husband, who called the wife to inform her of what had
been going on. One important component you would like to see in your ideal mistress is a
respect and consideration for your wife. If the affair goes on for any length of time this will be
important, because she won't want to turn you in out of respect for the hurt and pain it would
cause your wife.
One of the last things you’re going to want to keep in mind when selecting a mistress is that
you think she is going to be good in bed, and that she will do the things you want that your
wife won't do, and/or allow you to do the things your wife doesn't like or won't do. Now if
you’re thinking to yourself that all of this might seem a little unreasonable, and there aren’t
enough women out there to do this kind of selecting, just remember that by some estimates
there are two or three women for every man, so the odds are good that you can find a suitable
play partner. You also need to remember that: “Women often mistake a man's initial sexual
interest in her for something deeper and more lasting.” The Art of War for Lovers by Dr
Connell Cowan and Gail Parent (Pg.33). And that just can't be the case in this type of
relationship. You need a good understanding between you and your mistress concerning what

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the whole thing is about. Dr Luann Linquist, in her book Secret Lovers (Chap 9, Pg.167),
noted a few common things in people who've had a satisfying affair with few problems.

* "Lovers emphasized the need to have one's own identity and avoid becoming too
dependent on the other person"
* "An important key to a satisfying affair is being warm, loving, and affectionate--a good,
trusting friend, lover and companion."
* "Clarifying expectations" "a critical problem arises when lovers have different expectations
and hopes for the relationship."
* "Lovers also stress the importance of having no expectations that the affair will become
anything more than it is."
* "Lovers emphasize the importance of being careful not to be discovered, yet feeling
comfortable with the secrecy."
* "Choose a lover with whom you share similar interests, attitudes, and perhaps
backgrounds"
All of the things she points out are both accurate and insightful. The thing you need to
remember is that you must be in control, and be willing to end the affair if things are not
going the way you want or need them to. You are taking a lot of risk in having an affair, you
don’t need to compound the risk by having a problematic partner. Author Tariq Nasheed in
his book The Art of Mackin, lists and explains the “Top 5 dysfunctional women to watch out
for”. They are as follows:
1. The Drama Queen
"This female is not satisfied unless there is some type of crisis happening in her
life. She's the person who blows everything out of proportion, and goes to
emotional extremes."

2. The Rebound Chick

"This type of female wants to immediately go out and meet new men so that she
can hopefully cater to her ego.”

3. The Sanctified, Shy girl (paraphrased definition)

“Tend to lead a double life of extremely shy and sexually wild. With the real
possibility of psychological problems associated.”

4. Madam Maybelline
"When women go out with this much makeup on, the message they send out is,
‘I'm so insecure about my facial features that I have to hide behind all of these
cosmetics.’"

5. The Psycho Wench

"This type of female is extremely insecure, and her behavior is very compulsive.
When dealing with a man, she will act overly jealous….she will snoop through his
belongings; she will hide out in the bushes in front of his house…she will basically
act like a total idiot just to prove she ain't to be fucked with."

Other types of women who may pose problems are emotionally needy women who constantly
seek some type of assurances about some aspect of themselves, or financially unstable women
who start needing more and more help from you to make their bills or car payments. Also, be
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wary of women who may or may not be as health conscious as you may like. This is one of
the major arguments against using a prostitute for your trysts. While she might not have the
inhibitions of a lot of other women, and you can get pretty much any flavor of sex you might
want, there are an awful lot of drugs associated with this profession, and much like playing
Russian roulette, it only takes one shot to make the difference between life and death, or
discovery. There are a few places like Las Vegas, Thailand, and Denmark where the
profession is regulated, the girls are routinely checked for deleterious parasites, and are
markedly safer than the average street walker. But, alas, you are an adult and you get to make
the big boy decisions.

No matter how you choose your mistress there are a few things you need to do. The first one
is try to be honest with her about what you expect. I have interviewed many different women
in relationships with married men. They want to believe that you are going to leave your wife,
that you both are going to sail off into the sunset together, and live happily ever after. Some of
these women have been in these situations for over ten years. Often they are left depressed
and lonely, especially around holidays and special events.

Follow the six suggestions laid out by Dr. Linquist and you can avoid hurting people you may
end up really caring about. Something you might want to keep in mind as well is this: if you
decide to let your mistress do something for you, like launder the clothing you keep over there
(if you have that type of relationship), and that is to keep an eye on your clothing. There is an
unspoken rule men don’t often catch on to, and that is if a woman has moved or cleaned
something more than three times, and she likes it, it's hers.

Affairs Are Not Real

“Affairs are an artificial environment and you should understand the reason you’re getting
into the affair so you will get what you need out of it.” - How to Have the Perfect Secret
Affair by Nicholas Chapman.

Affairs are not real relationships, a more correct definition might be that they are not FULL
relationships, and stand little chance of becoming so. If they were, more men and women
would stay with this person they have left their wives or husbands for, but they don't. What
usually happens in more than 95 percent of cases is that the guy leaves his wife, then a bit
later on leaves his mistress as well. SHE isn't real and for that matter neither are YOU. You
have gotten together and created a world of make believe and "if onlys…." If only I had more
money I could afford to leave my wife, if only the kids weren't involved than it wouldn't be so
messy if I left, if only my wife wasn't sick or had someone to care for her, if only, if only, if
only.

If only you would keep your head out of your ass and realize that YOU don’t intend to leave
your wife, you would stop making yourself miserable and enjoy the affair for what it is: a way
to have your needs met. Now, I do understand that you may be telling your “girlfriend” these
things to keep the pressure off of you having to make…
“THE DECISION ”. Play the "if only" game with your mistress if that is what you need to do
to keep her, but don't start believing that lie yourself. That’s why I stated so early in the book
that it is important to know why you are having the affair
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Homosexual and Bisexual Affairs

This normally is not going to be a good thing, no matter how it slices up, if you are truly gay.
Homosexuality, as you probably already know, is not looked upon by many in modern culture
in a very positive light. You are probably afraid of ruining your marriage, losing your job or
respect in your workplace, shaming yourself in the family, etc. etc. etc. If your wife doesn't
suspect your alternate tendencies and she discovers the affair, it's going to be absolutely
devastating to her. This is an area where a woman cannot compete, no matter how much she
loves you or you love her, and there is no real chance you’re going to be able to give up your
sexual bias. The guilt felt in these types of situations is usually extremely high because it’s not
just one lie but two: the affair and the sexuality. Also associated with this realization are
feelings of shame, depression, and helplessness. There may even be suicidal fantasies to
escape the quagmire of emotional conflicts that chain themselves to every waking thought,
and every intimate touch from your spouse. Of course, that isn’t the solution and causes far
more trauma, devastation, and emotional scaring for those left behind than jumping out of a
closet in your underwear, wearing fish nets, sporting a feather boa, and yelling “BOO!”…if
you're into that kinda thing.

Unfortunately, in this type of affair the sexual opportunities are both risky and limited, and
there are so many ways to be exploited in this situation, that the care you take in conducting
an affair needs to be flawless, absolutely flawless. If she suspects you of having an affair you
can, of course, lie, pin it on a woman who doesn't exist, and reap the fallout from that, which
in this case might be pleading to a lesser charge. But one way or another, once you realize
you’re gay, your marriage as you know it is over. If you do decide to come out of the closet,
you need to make sure your wife is the type who loves you enough that she will try to
understand what you are going through. Counseling by an understanding professional should
be sought at the earliest opportunity to minimize the trauma inflicted to yourself and to all
involved. There are positive solutions that can be worked out once you get some help and
understanding. Pflag.org may be a place to start looking for help with coping and
understanding.

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."

-Woody Allen

If you are simply bisexual, while not being as problematic from the point of view that
bisexuality can mean more choices, you will want to remain sexually active with your wife,
and just use the same sex affair as a supplement to satisfy those urges as needed, much as in a
heterosexual affair. Suspicion probably won't be as high when having an affair with a man, as
a truly gay man’s would be, due to the actual possession of sexual desire, and the more to the
point, sexual interaction with your wife.

You're not bisexual…you’re just greedy.

-Unknown

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In Her Eyes

"Women use sex to gain love and men use love to gain sex" is the cliché quoted by one of the
women interviewed in 101 Lies (Pg.121). But there is another dynamic going on that none of
the research covered, and the interviews only hinted at. Women are extremely competitive.
The mistress more so, she knows she is in the number two position (and I'm not talking about
the Kama Sutra), and either you led her to believe there was an opening for a possible
promotion, or she believes she is better for you than your wife and she will "win" by a simple
comparison of the two after awhile. Even if you have told her you are not going to leave your
wife (Just because you rationally know something, doesn’t mean you irrationally know it.),
she may not believe you. She may be just waiting for the day when you to FINALLY see the
light. The following poem is a typical sentiment expressed by many women in that situation:

I can hardly wait for the lies to be over

For the day the dream will come true
For the love of my life to leave his wife
And we can start our life anew.
But the seasons pass with the withered grass
And the promises are just lies to use.
Maybe there isn't a day that's just a day away
And maybe this love is just a ruse.
How long can I stay, in this half life anyway
How long can I wait for the truth?
I can hardly wait for my lies to die.

How good or bad her perceptions are in the affair are largely up to you. Don't make promises
you can't keep. Don't play house away from home. Don't allow the fantasy to creep into
reality, and don't allow her to have unreasonable expectations about what it's really about.
Perfection
Some women do want and take on "Fuck Buddies". These women are truly friends that
OCCASIONALLY satisfy their sexual urges or provide variety with no strings other than
friendship. This is the perfect Mistress and the best of all worlds by the way! If you ever find
yourself in this situation, don't do anything to fuck it up if you can help it. A good friend that
will fuck your brains out on occasion is more rare than an honest politician, a perfect game, or
a Chinese family named Dorfman.

Mistress Maintenance
Your ideal mistress will require little maintenance, but since reality is quite often far less than
ideal, some things you can do to help your situation, and hers, is to make sure she has plenty
to do. You should probably be seen as a break or small vacation from the humdrum, run of the
mill reality we all go though every day. Your mistress probably is going to feel the pangs of
loneliness during certain times. Here are some other things you can do, besides making sure
she has something to keep her mind occupied. Encourage her to take a class on a subject she
has been interested in, or start a project she has been talking about. Around holidays, charities
are always in need of help. It must be something meaningful and fulfilling to her though, just
don't let her life begin to entangle in a major way with your own.

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A few tips for gauging your emotional involvement would be to notice how much you are
calling your mistress for the sake of calling, not to do maintenance per se, but because you
feel like you want to talk to her, etc. Also, notice if the expense of the gifts goes up, and how
you feel about her when she's not there. Ask yourself how much, not excluding the sex, do
you actually need to be with her at any particular time. Something else to consider are
particular events such as weddings or illnesses or other things, a mysterious little dark spot
found on the mammogram or something like that…think about how that’s going to affect you
if you’re into a long term affair. How are you going to feel? What are you going to do? What
is she going to want you to do?
Everyone needs to feel special and appreciated; your mistress is probably no different.
But, there is that fine line you never want to cross, as I mentioned before, that is stringing her
along with empty promises about what may come. Keep your relationship honest about where
it starts and ends, and what you can and cannot be expected to do. Normally between lovers
there is some type of connection that keeps one or the other in the random thoughts of the
daily life. Communication between you and your mistress (which can also be a security
vulnerability if not done conscientiously) is the simplest way of taking her temperature to see
if everything is running smoothly, or if some type of intervention is needed. You are probably
a special part in her life, you know she is in yours, so doing nice things for her every now and
then will be appreciated.

In The Beginning
The beginning of an affair is probably the most important part, because this is where what you
do is either going to become a headache, a heartache, or a head ache. It is best in the
beginning to establish your intentions and desires. It is also the time, if you can slip it in, to
introduce an exit scene. This is beautifully illustrated in Secret Lovers (Pg.28)
"She would outgrow him before he would be ready to give her up and he
expected it… …and that she should not let her concerns for his feelings
interfere with what she needed to do for herself."
If ever there was a picture perfect example of all the elements needed to start, conduct, and
end an affair it’s wrapped up in that little section. Let's take a closer look at it. He tells her it's
not a permanent situation, that when it ends it's up to her to decide, and he will be ready when
that day comes. He lets her know he expects it to end, which means he isn't going to leave his
wife. Also nestled in this brief disclosure is the message that he cares about her and her
feelings, he wants to see only good things for her, and that she should eat all of her vegetables,
especially the green ones. Ok so maybe there isn’t anything directly mentioning vegetables,
but I'm sure he meant it…I mean you have to be healthy to have a good sex drive right? Ok,
ok, ok…maybe I read just a little too much into it, but if you leave out the vegetable reference
and just go with what's actually there, you can see why I chose it as the prime example of the
right thing to do at the beginning of the affair. He knew what he wanted out of the affair, he
knew how to end it, and before it began, he knew what he was willing to risk and what he was
not. He didn't give her any false hopes and left it to her to decide. Now, that is a gentleman,
and I'll bet he gets laid more often than an army mattress

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Honesty

"No one is entitled to the truth."

- E. Howard Hunt, Convicted Watergate Burglar.

Honesty is overrated in a lot of different ways. For example, your wife is all excited about the
dress she just got and her friends seem to think it looks good on her. You happen to think it’s
as flattering to her figure as spandex on Mrs. Potato Head. Do you:

A. Tell her that a burlap bag on a pig would look better and would be cheaper too.
B. Tell her you think she looks best naked, everything else is a detraction from
perfection, and you just can’t tell.
C. Suggest her friends might want to have their eyes checked for cataracts.
D. Tell her it looks fine, and take her out shopping again so she can see the kinds of
things you prefer?
E. Ask her if you give the wrong opinion if it’s going to affect her decision to use teeth
on your next blowjob…if you should get so lucky.

Honesty is viewed quite often as a noble trait to have, but truth and honesty in reality are not
something we actually want to have in absolutes. If this were so, we would require much more
from our politicians, government, media, learning institutions, as well as our fellow man, and
the punishments would be more substantial for the transgressions. We want to believe the lies
we are told because we do not want to have to deal with the substantial truths. Many times this
is so in affairs as well. Your wife may suspect the truth but not wish to deal with it. If this is
the case, don't force the issue, she is doing you both a favor.

"A lie told often enough becomes truth."

-Lenin (Vladimir Ulyanov)

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 THE LIES
The great poet and playwright William Shakespeare once wrote: "This above all, to thine own
self be true, and it shall follow as night the day, thou can'st not then be false to any man." (I'm
not sure, but I don’t think this sentiment applies to Lawyers, Politicians, or anyone who does
their own taxes.) Less well known, but equally applicable, he also wrote: "For my part, if a lie
may do thee grace, I'll guild it in the happiest terms I have." There is another not so famous
quote from Mr. Floppy in the TV sitcom Unhappily Ever After: "A promise to a woman is
just a lie that hasn't happened yet." For perspective on this subject, I have included a few more
quotes from various sources.

- "Without lies humanity would perish of despair and boredom." - Anatole France.

- "A liar is worse than a thief" - Proverb

- "It contains a misleading impression, not a lie. I was being economical with the truth.” -
Robert Armstrong.

- "Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom" -Lord Harvey

- "Nobody speaks the truth when there's something they must have." - Elizabeth Bowen.

- "Many grains of truth seed the solid lie." - Jason C. Paul

- “It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know you would lie if you
were in his place.” - H. L. Mencken

- “That a lie which is all a lie may be met and fought outright, But a lie which is part a truth
is a harder matter to fight.” - Lord Tennyson

And finally:

- “He led a double life. Did that make him a liar? He did not feel a liar. He was a man of
two truths.” - Iris Murdoch

As are you a man of two truths: your truth as a husband, and your truth as an adulterer. Get
comfortable with that word lie because you are going to have to do it. Get comfortable with
the moniker liar because that is what you are going to be, and if you get caught that’s what
you’re going to be called, well….that might be the nicest thing you’re called at that point.

First the good news, there is no perfect way to tell if you are lying or not. Many of the signs
people use to determine if you are lying can also be interpreted as something else. Now the
bad news, your wife has a baseline which she can use for comparison to see if you are lying.
“Everyone has a standard of operating normally…difficult to change it.” –Pankau "What we
can say about each of us as human beings is that we establish patterns in our lives. We need
them to reach the long term; we need them to get through the day. And if we break those
patterns, there’s a particular reason." The Anatomy of Motive - John Douglas (Pg. 393)

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Two important points about lying are that you don’t compete when there is an abundance, you
only compete when there is a lack of something…affection being the highest; and all
disappointments stem directly from expectations. An additional thing you should take into
consideration is that if you’re like most people, being deceptive for a long period of time is a
hard thing to do. It wears on you emotionally a little at a time.

Any relationship based on one or two components is not a full or real relationship, and you are
not really looking for a FULL relationship, just something to meet the few needs you have left
unfulfilled as yet; a supplement as it were. They are nothing more than the flavored frosting
without any real substance. You use the primary relationship for that substance. If you’re not
careful you may tend to blend the lines of these two worlds with disastrous results. Some men
have this problem when they “date” prostitutes or spend $3.99 a minute to talk to someone. If
you are not vigilant, you will blur the lines of reality and substance with the smoke and
misdirection being performed around you. Often certain feelings such as insecurity or
loneliness make you unnaturally susceptible to these influences during such situations, and are
weaknesses that often are exploited to your detriment, so be careful. This is why I say…an
affair is a lie…do not make any excuses or carry illusions about this.

It's a lot like dating but with better (or usually, at the least, more frequent) sex.
She isn't who she really is, she is bringing out the best parts of herself and keeping the worst
hidden away. You are doing the same. One guy told me, "She didn't want me to know how
gray she was going so she always colored her hair and shaved her pussy." You aren’t yourself
either. You will be trying to act younger, lying about how you never "get any" at home. Lying
to your mistress about there being no other women in your life (other than your wife), that she
is the only one who "really matters", while you are out banging some new office temp (or
maybe not). You have to lie at some point to have the affair, and you will most likely have to
lie to your mistress to keep her interested, and to keep the affair going.

What you should expect if your wife or mistress catches you in a lie is laid out pretty well by
Dr. Dory Hollander in her book 101 Lies Men Tell Women. She points out (Pg. 36) what
happens when women are confronted with a lie. In order of frequency they are to "Deny" it
ever happened, "Blame Yourself" (her), "Confront" you, "Stew" over it, "Chuckle" about
your lie, "Discuss" (always a chilling one) why you lied, and to "Terminate" your
relationship. The reason for this order can also be found in 101 Lies "What most women say
they want is to trust the men they share their lives with. To believe that they’re special. Many
women don’t like to acknowledge the lie, because it calls into question their hope for a safe
and trusting world." (Pay attention to that "safe and trusting world") "That leaves them feeling
vulnerable. But even when they do acknowledge the fact of the lie, they frequently don’t take
their knowledge to the next step of doing something about it." (Pg. 10) This might seem like a
nearly blank check to do what ever you want to, but it is far from that. If you know anything
about people who repress emotions it ought to be that when that dam breaks the total fury of
nature, God, and woman will be brought down upon you with terrifying ferocity and speed.
Dr. Hollander goes on later to tell us how bad lying is, but I don’t know many women who
would go for the truth in this situation "Gee Hun, I really love you, but what I actually want is
for you to stay faithful to me and not be upset while I go out and fuck your best friend." As I
have said before there are limits to the honesty people actually want.

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If Only…

The "if only" lie is a powerful one because it takes the blame away from you and pins it on
circumstance or fate…and who can argue with fate? "If only" I didn't get that drunk, during
the office Christmas party or "if only"...fill in the blank.

If only can also be used during an "after discovery" discussion (CAREFULLY!!)

to put the blame for the affair back on the wife, or on the mistress, or on fate. “If only”
implicitly asserts that you wouldn’t have done it under normal circumstances, and that one
thing (be it big or little) pushed the situation over the edge.

I Wish

I Wish is a more subtle form of the If Only lie. We all wish we had a genie to grant us our
three wishes, to improve our lives and make the bad stuff go away. I Wish encompasses that
desire we all have, and is as easily understood by women…don't believe me, watch the
Lifetime channel sometime. I Wish it had never happened. I wish we could put this all behind
us and start all over.

If you intend to leave your wife you will do so, and the mistress is only the excuse you’re
going to use, a dumb one because it’s a costly one in most cases. If you believe that your
mistress is the "love of your life" and circumstances have conspired to place both of you in
such an awful position where you are so torn, you haven't been reading the sub-titles of your
affair.

Reality Checks

Take this little test: if you could have sex with anyone in the world…ANYONE, who would it
be? Who would it have been five years ago? Ten years ago? Now, I’m the first to admit that
love and sex are not always one and the same, sometimes they are not even on the same
planet. How many of them would you have married? Aside from trophy value, I think you
would not have chosen many of them. Who you have sex with (or would like to) is not
necessarily a gauge for who you would want to have and keep in your life. You tell her the
lies you need to, to get her into bed, and she tells you the lies she needs to, to get you out of
your marriage, if she wants to keep you.

After you leave your wife for this person you can almost bet her true feelings on things will
come out. She used to "love to give head" but now “it’s got a taste she doesn't like”.
She use to love to have sex anytime or anyplace, but now…now's not the time and the place is
not anywhere. It will probably begin to feel like your marriage all over again.

The Cover Story

A good cover story should be one that is both normal and vague. “I have to work late” is a
good start. What you must decide is how much information to give, and remember to give the
bare minimum that will satisfy her need for information. The more you explain the more you
have to remember, and the less you can use it to your advantage, because more information
means LESS wiggle room later. “Some problems came up with the Layhe account.”
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If you have been paying attention to how you act when you’re telling the truth when you
really do have to work late, then telling a lie that you have to work late should be the same. If
you have to work late and you are paid HOURLY your wife may be looking to see that time
reflected in your paycheck. This cover story generally works best if you are a salaried
employee. Everyone knows companies try to wring every second they can out of you, if
you’re salaried.

It is easier to remember the truth than a lie in most cases because the truth paints pictures,
emotions, sounds and smells into your mind. Lies provide nothing of these unless you base it
on a true event. Well told lies have emotion as well as content. To make them seem more real
have an opinion or two. When most people tell an unrehearsed lie they tend to be bland about
it, they leave out the crucial details that add the color and emotion that paint a real picture in
the other person's mind. If you tell your wife that you went to the junkyard to find a part and
didn't find what you were looking for, don't leave out some detail like rust on your hands you
wash off casually in front of her. You might mention something like the hood almost fell on
your hand while checking the engine for the water pump, that you hate how the newer
vehicles use metal sticks to keep them propped up, and how the older cars used to have
springs to keep them open. This example paints a clear picture of the types of car hoods and
has an emotional opinion about their latest construction. It could also have items like the
temperature outside, the cramped area you had to negotiate to get to the car, other people you
might have encountered, and the number of teeth (or lack thereof) they had.

Special Note to Politicians:

If you are having an affair, it is really no one else’s business but yours, your mistress’s, and if
you’ve screwed up, your wife’s, unless you open your dumb double sided mouth and spit
forth a load of shit you plan to be bathing in later. It isn’t the fact that you have an extra
marital affair that is as big a controversy as running your loud mouths about the fact it is so
wrong, professing family values while waving the flag, thumping the Bible, and kissing
babies to cloak yourself in their veil of innocence. The problem, controversy, and the common
man’s joy come from vindication when you have proven that your profession is little more
than a whoremongering brotherhood of liars and cheats filled with a contempt for the common
man which insults his intelligence. The hypocrisy is the source of our disgust. No, you should
not be branded with a scarlet letter “A”. Rather, you should be kicked in the nuts by Rosie
O’Donnell while she is PMSing during a chocolate shortage! No matter what Ken Starr says,
personally I think any man who spends $40 million of tax payer money to discover the
President likes to get a blow job deserves to be gang raped by a pack of rutting elephants.

You are a human animal. Human animals like to have sex, and blow jobs (unless you are Ken
Starr). We, as the “common” people understand this, if you are unfortunate enough to get
caught (again, if you are not Ken Starr and you weren’t dirt dumb about it), and can forgive
you for being human to some degree. We understand that being in the public profile and under
the scrutiny of the media, puts the selection of viable paramours (ones who don’t have
cameras in their bedrooms, or a reporter for the National Inquirer in the closet) on the
endangered species list. You, above all other professions, need to be exceptionally
discriminatory about who you choose. As I said earlier, whomever you choose should have as
much to lose by the affair’s revelation as you do. Nicholas Chapman, in Perfect Secret Affair,
suggests married women for this reason. I have found this to be a poor idea because as I have

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stated, you’re doubling the chances of everything that can go wrong. One offended spouse is
very likely to share the revelation with the other or worse, engage in extortion to some degree,
or a payday interview with the Boston Herald.
In lieu of being able to find the right one, beat off to Playboy magazine, make love to your
wife, or buy a farm and screw the livestock. Remember, women save dresses you know.
Disinformation
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- unknown
As anyone knows, from the moment you first start getting interested in the opposite sex there
are different lies and degrees of lying. Politicians and their handlers are, of course, the true
masters in this realm. H. Michael Sweeney, author of The Professional Paranoid, has built
upon the Thirteen Techniques for Truth Suppression by David Martin, and expanded them to
the Twenty Five Rules of Disinformation and Eight Traits. Mr. Sweeney's "rules and traits"
are intended to educate the public, enabling them to see through the lies of our leaders, and if
they really want to, to get to the truth. (Personally I think it's a noble goal, but ultimately,
completely useless. I don't think the public at large cares…I could be wrong, it happens
sometimes.). Since not all of these are relevant to interpersonal game play, I will not go into a
full explanation of them all; however, if you wish to read them in their natural state and
explanation, you can log on to the internet, go to www.proparanoid.com, and look them up
yourself.
Twenty-Five Rules of Disinformation:
1. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil
2. Become incredulous and indignant
3. Create rumor mongers
4. Use a straw man
5. Sidetrack with name calling, ridicule
6. Hit and run
7. Question motives
8. Invoke authority
9. Play dumb
10. Associate charges with old news
11. Establish and use fall-back positions
12. Enigmas have no solution
13. Alice in Wonderland logic
14. Demand complete solutions
15. Fit the facts to alternate conclusions
16. Vanish evidence and witnesses
17. Change the subject
18. Emotionalize, antagonize, and goad
19. Ignore facts, demand impossible proofs
20. False evidence
21. Call a grand jury, special prosecutor
22. Manufacture a new truth
23. Create bigger distractions
24. Silence critics
25. Vanish
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Eight Traits of The Disinformationalist:

1. Avoidance
2. Selectivity
3. Coincidental
4. Teamwork
5. Anti-conspiratorial
6. Artificial Emotions
7. Inconsistent
8. Time Constant

1. Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. Regardless of what you

know, don't discuss it. Try to "naturally" stay away from all subject matter concerning
adultery, or its discussion. If you have friends who are cheating on their girlfriends or wives,
don't discuss it, even if it comes to light. Be like Sgt. Shultz from Hogan's Heroes
"I know noth-thing, I see noth-thing, I hear noth-thing".

2. Become incredulous and indignant. This is where having taken a drama class or two might
be nice. After the initial "shock" (this should be no more than a few minutes, tops) of the
accusation wears off, follow the anger with concern that your wife might actually believe that
you are capable of that! Follow that up with a sprinkle of emotions which indicate your
feelings are hurt, and you are a bit offended. Mix well and bake adamantly at 350 degrees for
thirty minutes, she will start to wonder about the truth of the whole matter.

3. Create rumor mongers. Avoid discussing issues by describing all charges, regardless of
venue or evidence, as mere rumors and wild accusations. Unless she has seen it with her own
eyes…it isn't real, it's all just a rumor, and a mistake by a third party.

4. Use a straw man. Either make up an issue you may safely imply exists based on your
interpretation of the opponent/opponent arguments/situation, or select the weakest aspect of
the weakest charges. Amplify their significance and destroy them in a way which appears to
debunk all the charges, real and fabricated alike, while actually avoiding discussion of the
real issues. As this rule points out, very few arguments or accusations are strong in every area.
It is important, before using any rule or tactic, to make sure you have all of the information.
Make sure your wife has given you ALL of the evidence before you proceed to use this tactic,
or you are going to be stomping out fires left and right, tripping all over yourself, and falling
on your ass. It's going to hurt worse than anything Preparation-H could come close to
relieving.

5. Sidetrack opponents with name calling and ridicule. You have to be careful with this one,
but you might be able to safely use "Have you lost your fucking mind woman?", or maybe a
little toned down: "Have you lost your mind woman?". Alternately you can attack the source
of her information; "Betty is a lying, meddlesome, bitch." All and all I don't recommend
calling your wife names. Save it for the politicians.
7. Question motives. Twist or amplify any fact which could be taken to imply that the
opponent operates out of a hidden personal agenda or other bias. This avoids discussing
issues and forces the accuser on the defensive. This is a staple of disinformation, and more
useful than a hand warmer in an artic igloo just prior to masturbation. It's also more versatile
than a chicken in a blender. If Betty told her that she saw you and some young blonde thing in
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a thong bikini with her tongue down your throat, you can always say " It wasn't me, I knew
that bitch Betty didn't like me, but why would she say something like this? Is she having
marital problems again?"

9. Play Dumb. No matter what evidence or logical argument is offered, avoid discussing
issues except with denials that have any credibility, make any sense, provide any proof,
contain or make a point, have logic, or support a conclusion. For some men, this is standard
practice or genetic preference, I can never tell which.

15. Fit the facts to alternate conclusions. This requires creative thinking unless the crime
(affair) was planned with contingency conclusions in place. You should ALWAYS plan
contingency conclusions to your activities, even if you never use them. As Haywood once told
me "Otto my brother, ‘tis truly better to have and not need, than to need and not have." He
was talking about a handgun at the time, but I think the sentiment certainly applies…thanks
Haywood. You can use this with the Betty example by saying "Yes, I was kissing that girl, or
rather that girl was kissing me, and it wasn't a passionate one either. I just pulled her out from
in front of a car, and she thanked me with a peck on the cheek."

17. Change the subject. Usually in connection with one of the other ploys listed here, find a
way to side-track the discussion with abrasive or controversial comments in hopes of turning
attention to a new, more manageable topic. I find questioning the motives is most helpful in
turning the tide of conversation from defensive to offensive. Remember that who ever asks the
last question is almost always in control of the conversation.

19. Ignore proof presented, demand impossible proofs. This is perhaps a variant of the 'play
dumb' rule. Regardless of what material may be presented by an opponent in public forums,
claim the material irrelevant and demand proof that is impossible for the opponent to come
by. If they have suspicions, demand facts; if they have facts, demand a witness; if they have a
witness, demand witnesses; if they have witnesses, demand pictures; if they have pictures,
demand video; if they have video…well, you're pretty much fucked.

20. False evidence. Whenever possible, introduce new facts or clues designed and
manufactured to conflict with opponent’s presentations, sensitive issues, or to impede
resolution. This works best when the crime (affair) is designed with contingencies for this
purpose, and when the facts cannot easily be separated from the fabrications. An example of
this is: “I wasn't even in town that day. I can show you the credit card receipts. I was in (name
other town) that day, remember?" Of course what you haven't said is that you gave your
buddy Bob your credit card to use that day. As long as Bob didn't put an escort service or sex
toys on your card, you ought to be fine.

Something else you can do, is pretend to misconstrue the timeline, then righteously proclaim
that you weren’t in town that day. When the credit cards indicate you were out of town the
day before or after, you can say: "Ok, so I had the wrong day. If I had known there was going
to be a test about where I was, I would have taken better notes during class." The fact that you
happily tried to prove you were innocent, and that Bitch Betty was wrong, but you happened
to get the date one day off, can work for you by putting doubt in the mind of your accuser.

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22. Manufacture a new truth. Set up an airtight alibi complete with photos of the air show, or
other event you supposedly attended, along with souvenirs (a venereal disease doesn't count),
ticket stubs, etc. You can get these from someone who actually went, along with details of
what transpired (preferably someone your wife doesn't know), weather, traffic, events, noise,
etc. Every time you go out for a tryst, and have to lie about it, you are manufacturing a new
truth; some need to be more advanced and detailed than others. Be wary of establishing a
certain pattern of deception, because if one breaks or is discovered it will point to all of the
others.

23. Create bigger distractions. Set the house on fire, blow up your car, get arrested, tell your
wife you think you're going to get fired, or scream in frustration and walk away muttering…or
come up with one of your own. I'm sure you get the idea.

24. Silence critics. Keeping in mind that murder is illegal and nothing is worth twenty-five to
life, there are other ways to make people stop trying to interfere with you and your life. One
way, is to discredit them (character assassination) to your wife enough times so that they stop
trying to convince "that dumb broad" you're up to something. If the association is a strong
one, then some type of extortion may be necessary to make her friend stop. Catching the
friend or her husband/boyfriend doing something substantial would be a good way to start.
Help make Betty's life more interesting, so yours isn't quite so entertaining or appealing.
The following are some of the traits Mr. Sweeney has identified which are characteristics that
deceptive persons and institutions need to have…without being obvious about them.

Traits
1) Avoidance. They never actually discuss issues head-on or provide constructive input,
generally avoiding citation of references.
2) Selectivity. They pick and choose carefully the things they don't want to discuss, or segue
conversations.
4) Teamwork. They tend to operate in self-congratulatory and complementary packs or
teams. This refers to those who have to tell their friends, or are working with accomplices.
6) Artificial Emotions. They are supposed to feel a certain way about a subject. It is a good
idea to learn to be able to imitate the sincerity and strength of the particular emotion.
7) Inconsistency. There is also a tendency to make mistakes which betray their true
self/motives. Reality is a hard thing to fake for an extended period of time; attention to detail
is important.
Okay, we have seen the various strategies to put forth a lie or misdirection, but let’s get into
the actual mechanics of a lie. Much of this is predicated on the work of Paul Ekman in his
book Telling Lies, Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, and Marriage. He also has a
nifty little lying checklist in the back. Essentially, there are two primary forms of lying: To
conceal the truth, or to falsify it.
Most people find lying a personally distasteful trait, so they try to avoid it at all costs, even
preferring, if at all possible, to omit the objectionable sections of a truth. This leads to an inner
conflict that normally results in the tells we discussed in Body Language. The further back in
time an event has occurred, the fewer the emotions surrounding the event. This makes it much
easier to lie about or to embellish something that happened a year ago, as opposed to
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something that happened just last week. This is similar to the Timeline Distortion confession
described by Dr. David J. Lieberman in which he states that it is easier to admit to something
if the event has long since past, and the punishment is now either greatly diminished or non-
existent. The example he gives is taking the car without permission at sixteen, then admitting
to it at thirty-two.
Mr. Ekman also describes deceptive people using cover emotions or masks to hide their true
feelings, such as smiling even though they are fearful. This is an excellent ruse to use. If you
can present a non-threatened demeanor, it makes the questioning authority reevaluate their
speculations. If you wish to get better control over your emotions, learn to create these
emotions at will, and then dismiss them just as quickly. By practicing this technique you will
be able to control items of fear or anger at will, and be able to promote more convincingly the
side of you wish to show.
There is also another element when telling a lie, described by Mr. Ekman as detection
apprehension, which is usually highest at the point when the lie is told, then diminishes as
time goes on, and is replaced by confidence that the lie has been taken for sooth. Detection
apprehension can be minimized by imagining the act of telling the lie, over and over in your
mind before the actual event. But as Mr. Ekman points out, this can lead to overconfidence,
which quite often leads to making mistakes later on.
Before you lie you need to determine if it is information or emotion you plan on hiding. Once
you make this determination you can proceed. In all likelihood it's going to be both: fear of
getting caught, and the details of the affair. Some things you need to be aware of are that if
you use a cover emotion such as a smile, it needs to include your eyes. A genuine smile will
include the muscles around the eyes. Try it; look into a mirror when you smile. You will
notice the indicative "laugh lines”. Also, expressions that remain unchanged on your face for
five or more seconds are considered by professional lie catchers to probably be false. Another
characteristic of manufactured emotions or expressions is an asymmetry between the left and
right side of the face: a smile that is more, or much more, pronounced on one side of the face
or the other.
A very good way to prevent lie detection in these areas is to believe the lie as a truth. If you
feel guilt while lying, you may stare off in a meaningless direction while spinning your yarn.
If you believe it as a truth you will respond naturally, and not have to sweat the details of
every movement and utterance. Mr. Ekman points out that many successful liars create a guilt
reducing fantasy or justification for the lie, so they do not drop emotional cues which can
perceived. If you can't control the emotions for whatever reason, you can admit to the
emotions but attribute the cause to something other than the question or accusation. For
instance, if she wants to know why she couldn't reach you by phone when you were supposed
to be at work, you can admit to the anxiety by saying, "I was afraid you were going to find out
that I'm not doing so well at work. If my performance doesn't improve there is a real chance I
might lose my job."
Mr. Ekman goes into extensive explanation about the different reasons why a lie fails, but
most often if is because the liar fails to plan in advance for the questions, or the scope of the
questions. That is why I say combine a lie with elements of reality and speak that truth as
sooth. The more reality a lie has, the more truth it will be perceived as having. The reality
doesn't even have to be recent. If you went fishing last summer, and that's where you were
supposed to have been, incorporate elements of that day which you didn’t tell your wife about
before…or go further back in time to a relevant situation and work off of that one.

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There are two notable ways in his book to get away from a suspicious eye. One is to change
the subject by asking for an opinion from the person doing the interrogation, and the other is
to confess to everything under the sun. If you have done it properly, you have stolen the
thunder and altered the conditions of the questioning, as if to say that you are not going to
cooperate because the accusations are silly…just like the confession. Don't go overboard with
this…take a lesson from master playwright, William Shakespeare: “Me thinks thou doth
protest too much”.

If you’re very lucky, and very special, maybe your wife will value you and your relationship
enough not to ask you those types of questions; this is the type of woman who loves you for
more than just your gold.

Language Loopholes

Thomas Mitchell, who was a friend of the great W.C. Fields, visited him a few days before he
passed away. Fields was never known to be a religious man, so when Mitchell noticed the
Bible in Fields’ hands he asked him about it. Fields replied "I'm Looking for loopholes."

Most people, as I have stated before, do not want to lie as a first choice. Their first option is to
use the language, or a fanciful interpretation of the question being asked, to escape the truth.
"Did you sleep with Lisa?" You truthfully answer "No." Of course she meant did you fuck
Lisa, which you did…on the back porch, in your car, in her car, in front of the dog, bent over
the aquarium with her tits in the water and you up her ass. But it is true…you never actually
slept (as in sleep) with her, and that is what she metaphorically asked. You will notice she is
catching on to this game if her questions start getting more precise, so use it sparingly.

A good lawyer will not ask a question to which he does not already know the answer.

"In wartime, the Truth is so precious that it should always be surrounded by a bodyguard of
Lies - Churchill

"The truth about truth…is that there is a different lens for every eye."
- O.M.

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 Games Introduction
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
- unknown

Games are played both subconsciously and consciously. If they are machinations meant to
manipulate and control you to your unsatisfactory loss and/or to someone else's benefit they
are BAD games. The good ones are fewer and far between, but then so are the win/win
versions (what you consider a win and what they consider a win, not what they consider a win
to be for you and not what you consider a win to be for them.). I'm fairly convinced that most
people play some of their games subconsciously. They have so ingrained their game play into
their personality and problem solving methods that it’s automatic. You tell them they are
playing a game; they say, and believe, that they are not. Of course it’s still a game but they
don't see that, to them it's standard operating procedure. Guilt trips are a really good example
of this.

There are two basic elements that make up most games. They are: having something someone
wants, and leveraging that something to get what you want. The something can be material,
educational, sexual, emotional, political, involve power issues, dominance, boredom,
monetary gain, or simply for fun. Much of this may seem to you like I have a “keen sense of
the obvious" but if you do not keep them in mind, you can miss them when they present
themselves. Worse yet, if you do not recognize the face of maliciousness until it is too late it
is going to cost you…promise.

Games Women Play

This is a game playing section. There are, of course, women who just enjoy doing certain
things for you and/or to you. Don’t make the automatic assumption that just because someone
is doing something that you enjoy, you are being manipulated. Some of the games listed are
just not good no matter how you slice or dice it. As with most things, there are good sides and
bad sides, good witches and bad witches, a light side and dark side of the force, a yang and
yin of life. Use the tools with a discriminating mind to decide if you are being played in a
hostile manner. It should be noted that men can play most of these games too by altering
various aspects of the concepts, but because a good many of them use emotional
manipulation, a women’s unique capabilities will almost always make her the master in this
realm. A basic point to keep in mind, is to look for the reason that someone is playing a game
with you. What is their motivation? What is their payoff? The most dangerous is jealousy.
Jealousy is the green demon of a black art. You need to watch for this characteristic most
closely because it is the most unstable and prone to cause you more trouble than the affair is
worth.

The Game of Chess

The game of chess is a game of pure logic. There is no chance involved. You either out think
your opponent or they out think you. The various types of pieces support and protect each
other and advance across the board. The ultimate goal is to capture the king, but to that end
many smaller victories are usually necessary. If you do not currently play this game, I
recommend you buy a set and learn it very well. The outright strategy and nuances of what it
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teaches are absolutely invaluable. There are three sections to a chess game, which reflect most
situations in life; the opening, the middle game and the end game. Each piece has a point
value and in any given situation, a nominal or critical strategic value. Each move generally
has at least one of three elements; power projection, support, or fortification. Power
projection: threatens, captures, forks, skewers, limits, and pins opponent pieces and
movement. Every piece exerts influence on some portion of the board (except the one they
are on, no piece is self protecting), whether or not it is your opponent’s piece being directly
impacted or threatened by being in the area of influence, or is limited by not being able to be
moved into the area of influence without being captured. Supporting pieces allow the pieces
projecting power to do so safely, because, as stated above, no piece is self protecting (though
the queen comes close) it needs to have support from other pieces that will threaten to capture
if the piece is taken.

Fortification pieces protect the king and make it possible to advance. If the King is lost the
game is over, no matter how many other pieces you have or their value. Ten Tips to Winning
Chess by International Grandmaster Arthur Bisguier (uschess.org) offers us a way to look at
this game that can be applied to any of the other games, either directly or metaphorically:

1. Look at your opponent's move

2. Make the best possible move
3. Have a plan
4. Know what the pieces are worth
5. Develop pieces quickly and well
6. Control the center
7. Keep your king safe
8. Know when to trade pieces
9. Think about the endgame
10. Always be alert

The games in this book are like chess pieces, each one is designed to do certain things, and
they can be combined for greater effect. For every game there is a counter game or reaction
that can be played, and you must think about how to counter them wisely before you have to
deal with them in reality. While this list is by no means exhaustive it does cover most of the
elements you are likely to run into. The game of chess teaches us to think beyond the moment,
the further ahead you can think, or the more moves you can anticipate, the more wins you are
going to have in this game or any other.

The Game of Guilt

“A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.”
-- unknown

The Number One game of women, Catholics (and especially Jewish mothers)
EVERYWHERE: Guilt, guilt, guilt and more guilt, the more you will eat they more people
will let you. Guilt is a powerful behavior modifier in the short run, and can be used to
effectively alter how you do things, BUT it is also a crushing form of punishment. The
problem with this game is that it is almost always abused. The person trying to make you feel
guilty is trying to leverage your own emotions and concepts of fair play against you. Women
do this with crocodile tears, or pouting, or outright reminding you of what you did “wrong.”

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Even if you have done nothing wrong (or nothing that she knows about more likely), she can
still make you feel guilty. Your wife can probably elicit guilt out of you quicker than a
premature ejaculation, and easier than spitting on the ground. All a woman has to do is feign a
disappointment, and make it your fault. Another popular way for her to invoke a bout of guilt
in you, if she suspects you of having an affair, is to praise you in front of her friends about
how loyal you are to her, and how you would never do what "Bob" did to his family. She then
proceeds to talk about Bad Bob. If it's ever revealed that you are having an affair she is going
to be able to play a martyr role, the likes of which haven’t been seen since the Book of Job
(for all you heathens, this is a Biblical reference).

There are only a few ways to really combat this type of game. One way is as the WOPR
computer suggests in the movie War Games "The only winning move is…not to play". That’s
right…don't play the game. I know what you’re going to say, “But it’s not that easy Otto."
Yes it is. Change the subject, don't say anything or show anything, after awhile she starts
feeling uncomfortable and it stops, or just leave the room. The other way is to use the
Kobayashi Maru maneuver. You can thank Captain James T. Kirk for this ass saving strategy
and can read about it at the top of the OAD section.

You already know the script:

Setting: Man enters stage left to woman's performance already in progress.

Woman: Cries or pouts, or even just sighs deeply.

You: Feel bad and/or ask what is wrong.
Woman: She tells you the grievous error you have committed and that it’s your fault.
Then for good measure she twists the knife by telling you she forgives you
(but not really), or takes the blame herself (after careful consideration of course).
You: Still feel bad and look for a remedy for the situation (because that’s what guys do;
we try to fix things)
Woman: Shows off new fur coat to her friends.
Note: Kids can also be masters in this realm.

So what can you do? How bout this:

Setting: Man enters stage left to woman's performance already in progress.
Woman: Cries or pouts or even just sighs deeply.
You: Feel bad and/or ask what is wrong.
Woman: Tells you the grievous error you have committed.
You: Tell her she is absolutely right, and you will go bash yourself with a rock as
atonement, then leave.

The point is that if it’s a real problem then it's not really a game, and you need a better time to
discuss it where you’re both are on equal footing. Her place and time are not to your best
advantage normally. If it is a game then breaking the cycle from the beginning is really the
best move. She will likely change her tactics the next time, and so will you. Not playing the
game, or not playing it by her rules, also has the added benefit of pissing her off to no small
degree. This may very well reinforce her not to use that particular tactic again. Hopefully, she
will get the message that you don't play that game by her rules. And why should you play
anyone's game by their rules if you're going to lose? Kobayashi Maru it!
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If you do find yourself in a guilt game with an unfavorable outcome, think: “What could I
have done differently?” That way you will be prepared for the situation the next time it comes
up, and it WILL come up again.

The last way to defend against this type of game is decide how much guilt you are willing to
take, and then stop accepting it. As far as your emotions go, remember you are the one who is
ultimately in control of them

Sexual Barter/Sexual Weaponry

This little game is either overt: “Kill my husband/ buy me jewelry/ pay my rent and I’ll fuck
your brains out” in less sophisticated players, or covert in more skilled players: “I’d love to
give you a blow job dear, but I’m always too tired after doing the dishes.” (guess who’s going
to be doing the dishes), so it's hard to properly associate her actions to your reactions. It is
little more than the carrot instead of the stick to move the ass; guess who the ass is. In this
little game things get done for you sexually when you DO something that SHE feels warrants
a “reward”. Personally, I think it’s a dangerous thing to have in a personal relationship. Sex as
a weapon is a form of behavior modification that in a wholly monogamous relationship is an
effective (if temporary) method to curb your behavior, because it leaves you at the mercies of
a single source distributor. The concept of earning and maintaining an intimate relationship
on this level is more work and less honest, in my opinion, than what the average streetwalker
offers for a set fee…and much less guess work in most cases. Your Mistress will most likely
use the “I just don’t feel like it” until you ask what’s wrong, and try to fix the problem by
suggesting “X”… and then she is in the mood again, you’re her hero, and the sex continues
until she “just doesn’t feel like it” again.

One tell tale sign to your wife that you have a mistress is that this form of manipulation has
worked in the past, and now suddenly it doesn't. If she hasn't had sex with you in a month, and
you don’t show signs of a repetitive stress injury from masturbating, she might start to wonder
why she isn’t getting what she wants so you can “get what you want.” If she questions your
sudden lack of interest in sex, call her on the game. Tell her you’re not a six year old looking
for a piece of candy from mother. You feel like you have to jump through hoops to get the
love, sex, and affection that is supposed to be implicit with being married. In the majority of
marriages, the woman ultimately controls the sex in the relationship, and that is a very
powerful resource. It is also the trump of all cards played.

"If mama ain't happy…ain't nobody happy."

-Unknown

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Fire and Ice

We all have a protective wall; the game of fire and ice effectively weakens this barrier. Much
like freezing and heating cause the contraction and expansion of a road that will eventually
develop pot holes which you will run over, denting your rims, ruining your alignment, making
you swear like a sailor, then having to go into the auto shop for costly repairs. This game is
probably the most frustrating of them all…you will swear that the woman before you is
psychotic, or schizophrenic, or both. You might suspect this game is being played when for no
reason (or reason you understand), your wife or mistress will go completely bonkers on
you….she is warm and loving one moment, and within a very short period of time becomes
your worst nightmare, and blames it on you. Mind you, no apparent outward conditions have
changed, the room hasn't gotten hotter or colder, the dog is resting peacefully in the corner,
you haven't said anything to provoke her, and you don't think Ricki Lake has run one of her
man hating episodes. Nothing discernable has occurred at all. This can happen for many
reasons (PMS, menopause, or mother-in-laws) but three are insecurity, lack of attention, or an
attempt to increase her worth to you.

When this game is played (naturally things like insecurity, which is a stressor, can build up
over time and explode for various reasons) it’s often something you missed earlier, which has
built up quietly and now explodes like an egg in a microwave…messy, smelly and a pain to
clean up. Lack of attention can be tied to insecurity, but this aspect of her behavior will most
likely be displayed when you are doing something exclusive like watching football, and since
you’re watching TV (when the television is on men can’t generally concentrate on much else),
it’s perceived as a lack of attention or importance on her part. Why on God’s green earth
women talk to men with the television on is anyone's guess. I can barely convince myself to
make a trip to the bathroom when a good show is on (no fishing shows don’t count…EVER,
and I'm not sure about bowling either). For some reason women don’t understand that
commercials are only slightly less captivating than the movie, and the television must be OFF
to engage us on anything even close to a satisfying level. One fellow I talked to had what I
thought was a clever idea. Every time his wife spoke to him while he was watching TV he
shut it off, she got done telling him what she had to tell him and he turned it back on, hoping
that she would get the hint that yes, she was interrupting and he would like to hear what she
had to say, just not then. He gave up after a week and just left it on.

The most dangerous time this game is played is when it's done intentionally. When this
happens you will discover that a woman can play "good cop bad cop" with you all by herself.
This version of the game is designed to deliberately keep you confused and off balance. The
greater the emotional attachment, the greater your consternation, and this type of activity
breaks down your resolve much like the changing seasons do to the shingles on the roof.
Never knowing exactly what to expect will keep you concerned and on edge. The basic plan is
to heat you up emotionally and give you mostly what you want with a promise of more, then
legitimately, or otherwise, get cold, angry, or upset when you think everything is going well.
It destroys your emotional equilibrium used in the decision making process. Because men
typically want to "fix" things (because that’s what they do), and they want peace, you will at
this point make promises, give flowers, candy, jewelry, or furs. This is a more advanced
version of hard to catch because you never can quite get to the finish line before being reset.
It is wicked game play pure and simple, if done intentionally.

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Hard to Catch

This game plays to the male psyche very effectively because they want things they can't
have, and they don't like to be told “no.” According to The Rules, a man's affections never
grow any stronger after that point where he gets what he wanted (sex or whatever.)…the more
work he put into it, the more value it has. This is similarly echoed in The Art of War for
Lovers: "For a man, Love itself is defined by what he does. Without these expressive and
affirming actions (his not hers) a man doesn't experience the specific range of emotions he
interprets as Love." (Pg.44)

Many women's books are about understanding you as a man, and how you operate mentally.
It's rather simple in most cases, you want to have sex with someone you’re attracted to as soon
as possible. Most of the more successful books (not to mention mothers) tell women to not
have sex until later, but to maintain the sexual tension (flirting). The main idea being not the
quality of the experience so much as the effort men put into the chase that gives it value. A
smart woman will have many things you want and dole them out very, very slowly. Thus, she
maintains a high value at all times and you are always wanting more.

Probably the most famous use of this technique was by Anne Boleyn whom King Henry VIII
tried for years to make his mistress. She maintained her unyielding determination to be a wife
and not a mistress, refusing all his sexual advances. When at last she did sleep with him she
became pregnant. (In my opinion, she used the pregnancy as a tool to become Queen herself).
Henry’s resolve to have her was such that he unilaterally declared that his marriage to his
former wife, Queen Catherine of Aragon, never existed and he married Anne. The annulment
was later made official by the Archbishop of Canterbury. ("It's good to be the King"). This
refusal until she got what she wanted worked for Ann Boleyn. She unseated the then reigning
queen and became queen herself. Unfortunately, Henry also beheaded Anne some years later.
She got what she wanted…and he got what he wanted. This is yet another reminder of "to be
careful of what you ask for….". At the very least, it shows that what we think we want may
not be so sweet as our imaginations make it, that goes for all of us “Henrys”, or any of the
“Annes” out there, although I think Anne probably got the short end of the deal.

Some men do not handle continued rejection well…it makes unstable ones…nuts.
Just ask John Hinkly, Jr.

The Jeckle and Hyde Game

She has a problem, she won't tell you about it, but it changes her personality drastically from
time to time (No, I'm not talking specifically about PMS). If you observe carefully, you will
notice the triggers, and you may be able to divine the problem from that. Most times the
solution for this is to sit down with her and just let her talk. Remember that women do not
need solutions unless they ask for them, so don't offer, because it gives the appearance that
you’re not listening to what she is saying. She will be speaking from an emotional mode, and
what she is trying to do is vent the frustration or energy around the subject by talking about it.
The best advice is to just listen. Remember, two ears, one mouth. Use them in that proportion.

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Miss Independence

This game does what it's designed to do, allay your fears about "What does she want from
me?". It puts her right up to the top of the list for good choices in the risk assessment
department. She must want you for you because she can already handle everything else
herself. It seems like she has no need for money, or labor, or a father for the kids. She already
has it all covered. What you have to be careful of here is the time delay. The "boiling a frog"
scenario. Mind you, many of the games in these sections can have the "boiled frog" tactic in
them, but this game doubles the return because it encourages a strong tendency for you to
drop your guard.

A friend of mine, Arron, was seeing another woman on the side. He told me with some pride
and astonishment that this woman didn't want anything from him, that he thought that she
really cared for him, and that he thought his mistress was a better match for him than his wife
was. He asked me what I thought about it. I asked him a few superficial questions like what
was she like, how did she look, how was she in bed, etc. Then I asked him the telling
questions. I asked him how many kids this woman had; he said four. I asked him how many
were from the same father; he said only two, the other two were from different fathers. Then I
asked him the critical question: do you give her money? He said, “Yes…BUT she never asks
for it, and the first few times I offered it to her she said no I had to practically shove it in her
hand." I nodded and asked him if he felt guilty for not giving her money to “help out with the
kids and things.” He said, “Yes, that they needed things she couldn't do for them.” I told him I
thought the woman was in it for the money and it was going to cost him more in the long run.
He assured me I was wrong and that "I didn’t know her." I told him he was right, of course…I
could be wrong, after all I did not know this woman, but before he did something he might
regret, to try something: don’t give her any money for a month, no matter how guilty he felt,
don’t do it. I told him to be prepared though, for the end of the relationship if he did this, and I
was right. I told him ‘Personally I think it will be over in three weeks.” I was wrong; it only
took two.

An end note to this situation, was that she was starting to make noises about informing on him
to his wife, so he provided her with a distraction. A friend of his she had never met started to
see her, and dropped a few hundred on her (provided by Arron). After about a month the
friend dropped her, but it was enough time for her "feelings of injustice" and her lease in
Arron to expire. He was rather lucky she could have easily tried to get back with him, but
when she found "her new man" she made a point of blowing him off, and bragging about "her
new man" so it would be difficult for her to go back and save face.

Tears

“All women should have their tear ducts removed at birth.”

-- E.E. Neff

You are in an argument or "discussion" about (you name it), you feel you are doing well and
are finally going to win one. You thought wrong. Her eyes start to well up, her voice gets just
a little whiny, and she starts to pout a bit. Your resolution begins to crumble, and even though
you know rationally that the subject probably isn't that important, the tears are still making
their mark in your resolve, which will soon dissolve like cotton candy in a thunderstorm. You

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remind yourself once again…women don't fight fair. Combating this wet menace is not
always easy, just ask any lawyer cross examining a woman who has just broken down in tears.
It makes you look and feel like a monster, even if you have done nothing to warrant it.

There is a theory about dealing with emotions that goes something like this: Emotions are like
charges of electricity; if you meet an emotion with the same charge, like anger with anger,
you only double the effect. If, however, you meet an emotion with an opposite emotion of
equal or greater charge you diminish it to nothing. In some cases, I think it's bullshit, but when
dealing with tears I believe it can be safely applied. In The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-defense
by Suzette Elgin Ph.D., she talks about the safest way to respond to people who are trying to
engage you in a verbal assault. It’s what she calls "computer mode". It is completely (or
should be) neutral: devoid of all emotion with few facial expressions, gestures, or changes in
posture. “Computers avoid the words I, me, my, you, your, yours. They try to keep their
language as divorced from the real world as possible.” When you use terms like I, me, my,
you, your, or yours it assigns (or tries to) intent, possession of, or responsibility for an issue or
problem. When you respond, she suggests using platitudes, so as not to give the person
something to argue. Her favorite is "It's impossible to tell which way the train went by looking
at the track" I have included some other platitudes you may wish to use.

Useful, Useless Platitudes

Learn patience. One cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women
Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog
There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love
Time, heat, and pressure; the same things that make a diamond also make a waffle
Bridges freeze before roads
Rome wasn’t built in a day
Some problems are for learning, not solving
Action is faster than reaction
Pain is inevitable; misery is optional
A wise man never tries to warm himself in front of a painting of a fire
Don't throw away the old bucket until you’re certain the new one will hold water

When you meet a charged emotion with a completely neutral one, you ultimately diminish the
emotion, the effect, and the times it will be used on you. People will treat you how you have
trained them to treat you by how you have allowed them to treat you. If tears have worked in
the past, they will be used in the future. Your job from this point on is to teach her how to
treat you. Best of fucking luck to you! (No, I’m not bitter and jaded, no, not at all.)

Specialized Vocabulary/Traps

Women have a way of saying something that means something other than what they say. The
following was sent to me via email, and I have researched it to try to find the original author.
It appears in different forms and lengths all over the Internet, so I suspect that there was an
author (unknown), and several contributors (also unknown), to this brilliant piece. It can help
any man better understand what a woman is trying to say to him, by decoding the “non-
Webster” gender definitions of words, from a woman’s point of view, that men foolishly think
they already know.
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DEFINITIONS OF WOMEN'S LANGUAGE
Keywords and their meanings:

FINE:
This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to
shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have
one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES:
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last
before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING:
This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe
the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with a huffy
"Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows):

This is a dare, one that will result in my getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows):

This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised
eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will
talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

(LOUD SIGH):
This is not actually a word, but is often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A
"Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

(SOFT SIGH):
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some
men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will
stay content.

OH!:
This exclamation, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me get that." or,
"Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh" before a
statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she
is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2
days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to
lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows and "Go ahead", followed
by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.

THAT'S OK:
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's OK."
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means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retribution for whatever it is
that you have done. "That's OK." is often used with the word "Fine" in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go ahead.". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and
planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO:
This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with
whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a
fair chance to tell the truth, so if you’re careful, you shouldn't get a "That's OK."

THANKS:
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say, "You're welcome."

THANKS A LOT:
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A LOT," when she is
really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be
followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as
she will only say "Nothing."

While this might be more truth than comedic prose, it should give you a thermometer to gauge
the attitude of both of the women in your life. I'm not entirely sure, but I think this use of
language is genetically imprinted during the convergence of two "X" chromosomes, and
activates sometime around age 8, but no later than puberty. I have seen women cross
culturally use this form of communication with men for as long as I can remember.

Some additional phrases you might be curious to know about are:

I'm not emotional, and I'm not overreacting! Means: I'm on my period.
I'm not yelling! Means: I am yelling because I think this is important.
Do you love me? Means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? Means: I did something today that you're really not going to like.

All I can say is that the faster you burn these into your brain the better off you are going to be.

Now I'm sure you know that there are certain questions your wife or mistress can use to trap
you and start a fight that…as always, is your fault and will ultimately be finished with tears
and promises of furs, dinner, or jewelry. Don't despair, I'm here to help you out. I have
collected some of these common questions/traps and designed the right answers. To help you
understand them better, I have contrasted them against the wrong answers.

* She asks; "Do I look fat in this dress?"

Wrong answer: "You outweigh me by 75 pounds dear, you look fat in every dress."
Right Answer: "You do great justice to that sad little rag."
Better yet before she can ask you any question say: "I'm so lucky to have married such
a beautiful woman as you."

* She asks; "So, notice anything different?"

Wrong answer: "You finally shaved that hair above your upper lip?"
Right answer: "Yes, the same thing. You get more beautiful every day."
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* She asks; "Do you think she is pretty?"
Wrong answer: ANY answer to the affirmative.
Right answer: "Who? Oh her, she’s ok, but I have you and that’s by far the best gift
God could have ever given to me."

* She asks; "Do you still love me?"

Wrong answer: “This is a trick question isn’t it?”
Right answer: I am so sorry that I have given you cause to ask such a thing. I'm head
over heels, madly in love with you, awake, asleep, in the shower, and in the pleasant
thoughts that fill me throughout the day.”

* She asks; "Would you want to have sex with someone like her?"
Wrong answer: "Oh hell yeah! I'd fuck her, her sisters, and her mother on the ice, in
front the goal net, at intermission, during the Stanley cup finals.”
Right answer: “Only if I had never met you.”

Sure, these answers are mostly a naked form of flattery, but what a woman is doing when she
asks these things, is indirectly fishing for a compliment. So give the best compliment you can.

The Promise of Better Sex

Just as a man does, a woman takes pride in being able to sexually satisfy a lover. Also just
like a man, a woman will intimate that she is the apex of every single sexual desire you can
think of. Since your mistress is in competition (most times) with your wife, and one of the
only tethers she has on you is sex, she is going to go out of her way to make it more wild and
exciting than what you get at home. It is (most times) an illusion that this woman LIKES to
please you, and will CONTINUE to please you as you would like to be pleased if the
relationship were made more permanent and/or exclusive.

The promise of better sex is an alluring thing, sometimes in your dreams, or fantasies, you
believe that it will last forever, but in reality the sex reverts back to more basic levels. The
men that I interviewed discussed this point more than once. After they had left their wives to
start a new life, the sex just wasn't the same. "The things she used to like to do, and I liked her
to do, were turned into special occasion treats. Hell, it was just like being with my wife all
over again."

For a Limited Time Only

The Rival, real or imagined, is touted as your possible replacement, or at least subtly
intimated. This is a long and practiced game that is one of the cornerstones of The Rules. It
resonates with the natural competitiveness of most men, and is one of the few games that is
lethal to our common sense if we are not mindful of our own natures. Men stereotypically are
the “hunter / gatherers “ and are more competitive as a result. We “hunt” our prey (whatever
that may be), and gather it in our home (or castle). Men are by no means alone in this aspect.
You will know what I mean if you have ever seen 50 women at a 1/2 off sale at K-Mart,
fighting over the last ten items of some video game for the kids, and God help the innocent

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bystander if that flashing blue light goes off indicating an additional 25 percent off at
Christmas. If you have ever seen a woman hunting a “Cabbage Patch” or “Tickle me Elmo”
doll, you know the meaning of the terrifying power of women.
For a Limited Time Only is the sales technique used to create urgency, and make the buyer
want to buy BEFORE the other guy decides to buy it out from underneath him or her. This
game is so effective because the more people that want a thing, the more value it is perceived
to have. A smart woman will tend to your needs like your wife never thought of, or will no
longer do. If you give your mistress a reason to spoil you completely rotten, she will,
especially if she is seeking to replace your wife. She will do subtle things that will seep into
your everyday thoughts so that when you see a certain color, or item, or car you will think of
her. When you think of her you will feel pampered, cared for, and special. If she is a smart
women, she will put her mark onto common objects so you can't help but think of her. If she
is a smart woman, she can totally ruin a man for any other woman.
Below I have identified some of the things that these women do that make men both loyal and
charitable. It must be mentioned that these things are far, FAR more effective if your wife
does not do them for you.

Bathing
Is something that all of our mothers have done for us, and it is something that is not done
generally by wives on any kind of usual basis, if at all. If you have never had a woman take up
that washcloth and wash your body (sensually or not) then you have no idea of what an effect
that can have, especially if it is a frequent occurrence. It’s one of those things that make you
feel special. (It also works quite well to do for your wife or girlfriend.) It hints at sexuality,
and slippery bodies are always fun to bring together.

Shaving
This is more or less a subheading of bathing, but this act has a more powerful and comforting
psychological effect upon you. You sit there with your eyes closed and a warm moist towel
around your neck while she sits on your lap, or from behind, and slowly and carefully shaves
you. The confidence and trust you give her at that point is implicit and monumental, even
more so if she is using a straight razor. If you’re one of those men that likes to have his balls
clean-shaven, then you have more faith in her at that moment than Bill Gates has in the
integrity of Microsoft…on second thought that might be a bad example, but you get the idea.
This can also work for you too, if you can shave her legs for her while relaxing in a warm
bath. I don’t recommend this if you happen to be terribly uncoordinated. You don’t want the
water to look like your trying to chum for sharks. Not to mention those kinds of cuts burn
something fierce if sweat gets into them…like say sweat from sex?

Cuddling
A few other things that women can do to make you feel special, sexy, and appreciated are
Spooning, Cupping, and Stroking. Spooning refers to the act of laying together on your sides
in a slight "S" shape one body conforming to the other. Cupping refers to your lover placing
her hand over your genial area as you both slip off to sleep. and stroking refers to the light
petting done to help send you off to NeverNever Land. All of these are extremely powerful
expressions of intention and touch which help to build an emotional closeness.

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Flirting
If there is a good, fun, and exciting game to play…this IS it. Flirting is the precursor,
generally, to sex unless of course you’re dealing with a prostitute, in that case flirting is kind
of a luxury; as long as you’ve got cash. Flirting is actually the necessary part of game
playing. Now, there’s nothing wrong with game playing as long as everybody knows the
rules. In fact some of the game playing that’s involved in flirting and an affair can be almost
as exciting and rewarding as the sex itself. Even if the encounter does not culminate in sex, it's
still fun to play. It’s an ego boost for you and her.
Yes, it could result in a case of blue balls and a cold shower, or tragedy of tragedies you could
end up having sex with your wife of a quality you haven't had in years (it will certainly put a
nice smile on her face, if not a look of curious wonder as well.). Some people might have a
problem with this, but if you don’t go all the way, it's still one of the safest and most
enjoyable ways to determine if you've "still got it."

Cooking

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach…but

you have to twist the knife just right.

Cooking is becoming more and more of a dying art. The women who actually do perform this
arcane craft become more precious and endearing with each sumptuous morsel you put in
your mouth. Women have different ways of imprinting themselves onto your psyche. Smells
are powerful triggers, so are tastes. Cooking has both of these elements. If you like a
particular dish that isn't made all that often, whenever you smell it you are going to think
about her, and when you taste it, it's going to reinforce that memory…again. Some women
will live with you forever in this way.

Pregnancy
Pregnancy is both a wife and mistress game. This is a reality for most of us who haven't had a
vasectomy and are dating, or married to a fertile woman. I could tell you about a woman I
know who continues taking birth control medication to stop her period, so she can get her rent
money from men by telling them she is pregnant and needs money for an abortion, but you
have probably heard that before. I'm sure you have heard all about the one to two percent of
women who get pregnant while on the pill, or I could tell you how some women stop taking
the pill. They forget to tell their husbands, or lovers, that little tidbit of information, thereby
trapping him (they think), but you have probably heard ones like that too. No, the story I want
to use to illustrate why YOU should be the one to ALWAYS take positive action to prevent
pregnancy is this: Brutal Punishment By A Wicked Woman by Candis McLean. It comes from
the law section of the Magazine: Alberta Report; November 23, 1998

A Calgary Man's Expensive Fling May Send Many Mothers

Back To Court For More Money
A Calgary man learned on November 6 that he will spend the next 14 years
paying for an office fling. On that day, Queen's Bench Justice Rosemary Nation

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handed down a remarkable ruling ordering the man to pay $230,000 in
maintenance, arrears, and legal costs for a child he says he was tricked into
fathering. According to the defendant, the mother of the child told him before
their liaison that she was "on the pill;" what she did not mention was that it was a
fertility pill. Now the man faces $20,000 in outstanding maintenance costs,
$50,000 in legal fees for three lawyers (the woman's husband was represented
separately), and $742 a month until the boy, now nearly four, reaches 18.
"It's caused so much bitter animosity, especially since I still work at a desk 15 feet
away from her," states the father. (Alberta's 1991 Parentage and Maintenance Act
prohibits the publication of names of the parties involved.) "What happened was a
mistake, and just as much my fault as hers. But what the ruling means is that if
you've got a family with a low income who wants a child, they can just go to a
GP, get on fertility drugs, pick a man-preferably someone who makes money-
don't tell him anything, then go back to your life, have the child, and he pays.
Even sperm donor clinics are in question now. Or a prostitute on 3rd Avenue.
They can all go after the man."

Not so, argues the woman's lawyer, Kim Larsen; he says that to absolve the man
of financial responsibility just because the child is well looked-after "is a hideous
proposal; the child would be left unprotected. It would send a clear signal: you
just have to find a place for the child to be looked after, then you can walk." In a
third take on the controversial case, lawyer and Center for Renewal in Public
Policy research fellow Iain Benson states, "She lied? So what? They shouldn't
have been screwing around. Every person who unsheathes their sword in amorous
circumstances risks that result. Nature has a way of bursting out of the box and
saying, 'Surprise!'"

In the words of one of the lawyers, the case began as a "typical TV-type affair in a
work setting" in September 1993. The then 39-year-old man had once joked with
his 36-year-old co-worker that since both of them were unable to conceive a child
with their married partners, the two of them should "get together and solve the
problem." Soon, however, he found that the woman was in love and wanted to
have his child. They started seeing one another.

In March she thought, wrongly, that she was pregnant; he told her to get an
abortion. "If she had been pregnant at that time, I would have fully supported
paying maintenance because it was an accident and I would have felt
responsible," he says. "But not later, when it was a set-up. Her whole premise was
to get pregnant. Mine was to have a good time."

In April she said that she wanted no further relationship with him, but sent a note
(on company letterhead, no less) saying, "If you are willing to go through with the
proposal that I have put to you, I require your help on May 9-13 inclusive. Please
let me know as soon as possible so I can start taking my fertility pills." "She told
me there would be no strings attached and she would go to her lawyer and have
papers drawn up," the father reports. "I said, 'No, I find it ludicrous. I have jobs to
do around the house and I'd much rather go fishing.'" She then asked if they could
get together on June 9.
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"[The father] didn't agree in writing to the proposal," Mr. Larsen states, "but he
agreed de facto by showing up the night the deed was to be done. A key element
of the defense's argument was, 'See how morally upright my client is? He said no
[to her].' Yet he did find himself in that condo two weeks later." Explains the
father, "She said she wanted to talk. My problem is that I met her. Things jumped
from there."

Although he claims the woman said she was "on the pill," it was the fertility "pill"
Clomid, and the following February she bore a son. Her husband, assuming he
was the father, joyfully attended the birth and cut the umbilical cord. The
following autumn, he found letters his wife had written to her lover, but she still
insisted the child was his. The next spring, the husband found the two out walking
with the baby. He "hit the roof" and demanded DNA testing. The lover-father
readily agreed to pay for his test. It came back indicating there was a 99.95
percent chance he was the father, while the husband's test indicated he had no
chance at all

In the subsequent court case, the defense argued that the woman and her husband
now had the "gift" of a child, and it would damage the child to "stigmatize" him
with a second parent. "If the court felt my client should be compelled to pay for
support," the father's lawyer, John Soby, explains, "we argued it should be a
reasonable amount like $350 to $400 a month since, with a gross income of
$71,000 [between the mother and her husband], the child was not bereft of the
necessities and advantages of life. I was spectacularly unsuccessful. The award
was brutal in the extreme."

In an unusual step, Madam Justice Nation granted the mother maintenance of

$742 a month, saying she was "guided by the Federal Child Support Guidelines"
published in 1997 relative to the Divorce Act, which allow little discretion about
the amount to be paid. "You can't fault the logic," admits Mr. Soby. "The judge
decided the child of a married couple should be treated the same as a child born
under more awkward circumstances. But we argued that if provincial legislation
had intended the Guidelines for unmarried couples, it would have amended the
law to make that clear."

"This is an outrageous decision, and morally absurd," protests Mr. Benson. "This
woman was risking pregnancy-in fact, wanting it. The couple made no oath, they
had a quickie for bizarre reasons, and they're treated the same as married people
who make the commitment. Now anyone who gets pregnant for any reason ought
to have a claim against the 'sperm donor.'"

Argues Mr. Larsen, "To treat the child of an unmarried relationship the same as a
married relationship appears to be a growing trend in Alberta, but nowhere else in
Canada. I hope it's an emerging trend. It's the last nail in the coffin for fathers who
want to treat the child born out of wedlock differently than the children born
within." He adds that the "groundbreaking" case has already resulted in "a steady
stream" of phone calls from mothers receiving $150 to $300 a month in

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 maintenance. "A good number of people will be coming forward and reviewing
their cases," he predicts.

In the midst of remortgaging his house, the father comments bitterly, "That
judgment set me back 20 years. It was intended more as punishment to me than as
settlement to the child." Yet he admits that his real punishment is the life he now
leads: "walking on pins and needles" around his wife all evening long, and then
sitting three desks away from the mother of his child, who, he says, "gives me the
glare" all day long.

There is an old saying: “Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- and pray for a crop failure
on Sunday morning.” A verdict like that (about $354,656 in total) would have made me
permanently impotent or sterile, maybe both. With a few more kids like this, she can retire
without brains, a stock portfolio, or pension plan. Surrogate mothers make anywhere from 12
to 30 thousand dollars, and the sperm donors only make three to five hundred a month. They
say "The wages of sin are death." I don't think so, I think it's back stabbing, greedy (and now
wealthy) bitches like this one who are at times the “wages of sin.” Death would have been a
blessing I'd imagine.

Ultimatum
An ultimatum is a powerful promise of intent. If a woman is using an ultimatum, it is because
either she believes she has the power to get you to do what she would like, or that she has
nothing to lose. She is already not getting what she wants or needs, and doesn't foresee any
change to that in the future.
A smart woman will use an ultimatum in a manner that is something akin to a law of nature
"this is the way it is, no ifs, ands or buts." A foolish one will use it to make demands beyond
her convictions. When you are confronted with an ultimatum the very first thing you have to
do is determine is if it is a credible threat or statement. You can do this by offering
alternatives, or changing or delaying the due date for the required decision. You can also
question the motives underlying the ultimatum to see how fair they really are. If they are
solid, nonnegotiable convictions, you’re going to have to decide what you are going to do.
One tactic is to agree to the terms in the ultimatum and then do what you want anyway, the
other is to live with the consequences of making the decision she wants you to.

If you have been making promises you do not intend to keep, like leaving your wife, then you
can expect an ultimatum at some point. If she is a strong woman, when the due date arrives
she is going to end the relationship with you. If she does not have the strength of her
convictions, you will probably get ultimatum after ultimatum like a gun firing blank threat
after blank threat. If you’re a fan of Russian Roulette, then you know one of those threats is
probably real. Of course by the 4th or 5th ultimatum you might be hoping that she would just
leave already. Whether they are real, or not, they can be quite taxing on the nerves after
awhile.

Random Unexpected Sex

You are sitting there in the car waiting for a light, your woman looks around for a moment,
then she reaches over to unzip your pants. Your dick is in her mouth in seconds. In minutes,
you are doing your best not to pull the steering wheel off of the column, shove the accelerator
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through the floor, or ram the silver haired geezer going 25 miles an hour slower than the
posted speed limit. This is thrill sex, it is exciting, it is taboo, it is too good to be true. It is an
orgasmic roller coaster ride straight up the middle, and into the great divide! Mixing sex and
adrenaline is a high quite unlike any other. It is part of the appeal of an affair in many cases,
and can create an addiction to your supplier that can feel a whole lot like love…or was that
lust? What ever it is, it's damn nice to get over and over again. Even without the thrill factor,
unexpected sex interrupts the current train of thought, and focuses it on the person and the act
like few other things can…except maybe torture. Of course none of you are into torture (or
discipline), are ya?
The Incessant Accusation
If your wife accuses you all the time of having an affair, in effect what she is saying is: “You
can cheat and I’ll still stay with you until I can confirm it. I won’t be happy about it and you
are going to pay.” Most men know this instinctively or figure "I'm already doing the time...I
might as well enjoy the crime." The thing to be careful of here is that your wife may be setting
you up for a divorce. She wants out of the marriage, you to give her the excuse, you to be the
bad guy, and to pay through the nose for it as well. This type of behavior is also typical in
people who are having affairs, either because of their own guilt, or as an attempt to point the
finger away from what they are doing…REMEMBER not to do this yourself.
Live or Memorex?

Most men arrogantly want to believe that every time their dick hits a wet spot, a climax will
ensue. Most women will admit to faking an orgasm on more than one occasion, so how can
you be sure you have done your job? Do you care? Well, if a plumber came in to fix a leak,
just fiddled around the faucet, and left without any appreciable result would you ask him
back? Fuck no, in fact you might even take his sorry ass to court for breech of contract.
Thankfully, women are not so punitive; they just won't ask you back to fix their plumbing
again. To further complicate things, women can have more than one type of orgasm: clitoral,
g-spot, anal, and combinations of these.

So, if you want to know whether you have truly "rocked her temple" you can tell with this
little test. Because a climax is such a complete and intense experience, a woman will perspire
to varying degrees either at the small of her back, in the center of her back just above her
shoulder blades, or both. The telltale perspiration will not last long, so you only have a minute
or two to determine if you have "blessed the petals". Ignore all of this information if your ego
can't handle the truth, and don't be a smart ass by saying that you can't tell in hot weather…of
course you can't tell in hot weather because both of you are sweating out more water than she
could possibly retain in a month.

The Use of Spies

One of the significant notions in The Art of War that was brought out and applied to
relationships in The Art of War for Lovers, is the use of spies. Sun Tzu says this about spies
"…the dispositions of the enemy are ascertainable through spies and spies alone."
Sun Tzu describes the five classes of spies as follows:

* Local Spies: employing the services of the inhabitants of that country

* Internal(or inside) Spies: making use of the officials of the enemy
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* Converted(or reverse) Spies: appropriating the enemy's spies and using them for your own
purposes
* Doomed (or dead) Spies: deceiving your own spy so that when he betrays you to the enemy
he gives false information, and will be put to death
* Surviving (or living) Spies: those who bring back news from the enemy camp

When all five kinds of spies are employed and at work, Sun Tzu calls this "divine
manipulation of the threads”. The Art of War for Lovers describes the spies in relationships as
follows:

* Local Spies: are drawn from your immediate support group

* Inside Spies: are drawn from the man's inner circle of friends
* Reverse Spies: are recruited from a man's friends and family members who want to find out
what you think about him (They are his inside spies)
* Dead Spies: are meddlesome troublemakers who feel they must insinuate themselves into
your affairs and cause friction
* Living Spies: are the people who you know to be reliable, and who can be trusted to report
back to you honestly and frequently

While the nature of spies is to get useful information and report back, it is wise to remember
that the maximum danger any one of them possesses is the amount and/or sensitivity of the
information they have or can access. In a marriage it is common for sets of friends to be
known to both the husband and the wife. This is a good thing because you can (and should)
always hypothesize about how information can get back to your wife, so you’ll tend to keep
your mouth shut. The real danger comes from people who are your wife’s friends/informants:
people you do not know, and with whom you may let your guard down. Therefore, I would
like to add a specific class of spy called the Unknown Spy. Yes, I know that the term spy
should denote that you do not know that they are gathering information about you, but anyone
you know and who knows your wife can be assumed to be a spy of one sort or another. Even
loyal friends who might let some important detail slip by accident can be classified as an
informant…a Dumb Spy, yes, but a spy none the less.

Spies know that most people tend to lower their guard under certain circumstances. Men tend
to be competitive creatures, and will reveal things they normally wouldn’t when their
testosterone gets in the way. Add a bit of alcohol to suppress better judgment, apply a few
traps/ elicitation/interview/baiting techniques, and they will spill their guts like a hernia
condition to a battle-axe. While it is true that most spies are not going to be versed in all
manner of the confession craft; you need to be. More importantly, you need to be aware of the
situations when they come up. The first thing a spy is going to do is get you talking, because
once you are talking it’s easier to keep you talking, even about things you suspect you ought
not talk about. (A hooker I interviewed used to get stock tips this way. Well, sort of this way.)

Generalizations, or more specifically generalized questions, are wonderful ways to elicit

conversation; they have the benefit of appearing nonspecific and innocuous, and they get you
talking. They also have the benefit of allowing you to answer without personalizing the
statement with an “I”, “me” or “my” qualifier, which might (and should) raise a caution flag.
These are questions about weather, sports, politics, or the potential number of sexual positions
Britney Spears could perform after a year in Yoga class. For you, generalizations are a great

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way to avoid answering in the “you” voice when replying, and can be used effectively to
thwart specific questions.

In my initial construction of this particular section, I discovered much of it duplicated

information contained in professional corporate spy John Nolan's excellent book:
CONFIDENTIAL: Uncover Your Competitors' Top Business Secrets Legally and Quickly and
Protect Your Own. Since all of the information in his highly detailed book is not relevant to
this subject, I will cover the relevant sections and techniques. For a more thorough
understanding of all of the ways and methods that can be used, I strongly recommend
purchasing his book, as hard to find and procure as it might be. It is as enlightening in regards
to spy craft, as Sun Tzu is to war, W. Edwards Deming is to business, and Benjamin Franklin
is to the formation of our country. Because so many of my own methods and research
information are mirrored by this particular work, I am going to base the following section
almost entirely on CONFIDENTIAL, it has exactly what you need and then some.

Spies do not want to burn out their valuable sources of information, so they are not going to,
or try not to, produce any abnormalities in conversation which can be recalled by the mark
later on. Mr. Nolan points out that "…cognitive psychologists tell us that people remember
questions more clearly, and for longer periods, than they do the casual elements and topics of
a conversation. Other research shows that we tend to remember the topics at the beginning
and the end of a conversation much more readily than the muddle in the middle." What this
information means to a spy is that they are going to structure the conversation to get the
information they want in the middle of the conversation, preferably without the use of a
question(s). So the chances that you will recall the disclosure of the information will be
greatly diminished. Hence, the use of elicitation techniques. A spy also knows and can use
basic psychologies that all people across the planet operate within. Mr. Nolan points some of
these out as:

* A desire or need for recognition.

* Tendencies towards self-effacement
* Tendencies towards self-aggrandizement (bragging)
* A tendency to correct others
* A tendency to prove someone else wrong
* The need to have someone listen to what you say
* A tendency to gossip
* A general inability to keep a secret
* A tendency to underestimate the value of the information they are providing, or the ability
of the recipient to understand it
* A tendency to want to be recognized as an expert in their field, no matter what the field
* A tendency towards indiscretion when not in control of one's emotions
* A tendency of some professionals to share confidences with, or to show off expertise to
another professional
* A tendency to share with someone who has shared with you
* A tendency to want to help or assist

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A good spy will take this basic psychological understanding and combine it with specific
techniques designed to play towards your particular weaknesses. Mr. Nolan describes a dozen
or so basic elicitation techniques:

1. The Provocative Statement

2. Quid Pro Quo and Reflected Quid Pro Quo
3. Simple Flattery
4. Exploiting the Instinct to Complain
5. Word Repetition
6. Quotation of Reported Facts
7. Naïveté
8. Oblique Reference
9. Criticism
10. One-upsmanship
11. Bracketing Techniques
12. Feigned or Real Disbelief
13. Purposely Erroneous Statement

The Provocative Statement

Since elicitation deals with deriving information without directly asking for it, this is probably
the cornerstone technique used. It should be a statement that will pique your interest, bring
you into conversation, and can be used several times to guide conversation to the desired
topic.

Quid Pro Quo

This technique relies on the human tendency to share with others when they have shared
something with you. This is usually a similar value thing. It isn’t often someone is going to
admit to having embezzled 32 million dollars from the corporate office, after you tell them
your harrowing tale of how you escaped with 32 pads of Post-it notes and a box of erasers. It
is a natural thing to discuss almost any topic when someone has shared something of equal
value with you. So when someone is recounting mistress tales about how they were almost
caught, it might behoove you to carefully consider any response you give. If you feel you
want to engage in this type of conversation, try responding using the next elicitation
technique.

Reflected Quid Pro Quo

This is very similar to the Quid Pro Quo (obviously) in that you tend to give information of
equal value to what is given. The difference is that the information or experience given is not
from your own experience, but rather from a friend or some other source. It might sound like
"that reminds me of a friend of mine who…"

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Simple Flattery
This one ought to be pretty much self explanatory but just in case, if someone starts praising
you on your ability to "handle" the ladies, or how you can talk your way out of the salivating
jaws of a hungry pack of hyenas while smelling like a double quarter pound burger…with
cheese, be wary…always question motive. This technique plays to the human desire and need
for recognition.

Exploiting the Instinct to Complain

This technique is usually preceded by other elicitation techniques such as The Provocative
Statement or Quid Pro Quo where the spy will say something like, "My wife is always
checking up on me. I can't even make it out for a beer without her giving me the third degree
or checking up on me." You will probably join right in the bitch session and, if you're not
careful, utter words you will regret.
Word Repetition

This is a leading/guiding technique used to home in on the specific information the spy is
seeking. During conversation, the spy will pick out and repeat certain words that you have
said. This has the effect of encouraging you to elaborate on the words they have chosen and
repeated.

You: "My wife is always thinking I'm screwing around on her."

Spy nodding in agreement: "Yeah…screwing around."
You: “Yeah, every time I work late she thinks something else is going on."
Spy nodding: "Yeah…something else."

…and so on and so on. A minor variation on this is to repeat back words similar to the ones
you have used.

Quotation of Reported Facts

This technique can play to several different human tendencies such the tendency to correct
others or the tendency to prove someone else wrong. If the spy says to you, "I heard that your
new office temp was a real dog" and she isn't, you will most likely correct him. If he still
persists with this reported fact, you will most likely point her out, or try to get corroboration
from someone else in the office.

Naïveté

This technique is more or less acting dumb or innocent about a subject to elicit information.
The spy could play to your ego and say something like, "I've thought about it but I'd never
cheat on my wife…I would never get away with it. She is a sharp woman, and I have never
been very good at that kind of thing." You of course, being the master of adultery, can give
the spy the benefit of all of your wisdom. This will be reported back to your wife and will
most likely include the telltale methods you are currently using.

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Oblique Reference

This can be used as either a leading or segue technique. The spy will mention something that
ties the current conversation into the next area they want to talk about, or an area they will be
getting back to later. You are talking about government waste and they spy mentions "That
poor bastard Bill, 40 million dollars to discover he had consensual sex with Monica. So what
if he lied, I sure as hell would have too." …and suddenly you're into new exciting territory.

Criticism

This is a very versatile technique depending on how vulnerable you are and how skilled the
spy is. Even said with a smile, criticism puts the target on the defensive. Targets almost
immediately protest and will offer evidence to the contrary to correct them/prove them wrong;
also if the ego is particularly strong, to brag about their own accomplishments. It can also
easily be tied in with the One-upsmanship technique. This technique needs to be played
skillfully by the spy to avoid pissing you off and shutting you down.

One-upsmanship
One-upsmanship comes from the understanding that people who are ego driven are likely to
try to have either the best or the worst story of any situation. This technique is usually more
potent in a group of three to four, due to the human desire to want to fit in with the group. It
also has the possible benefit to the spy of acting like you haven't told him anything significant
or new. In response, you are going to pull out all of the stops to try to wow this person. If the
conversation starts to go to areas that might compromise you, and you feel the need to keep
things going without breaking the mood, try the "I had a friend" (Reflected Quid Pro Quo)
response. You can use one of your own stories but claim it wasn't you, it was an old buddy of
yours who is now dead, moved, lost contact, etc. It could also be a “made up” somebody
and/or you could distort the time frame when it happened. You know, back in your college
days when you used to show up to classes in a beer (and other things) stained toga that you
wore to the party the night before, because you lost your car keys, your dorm room, and your
roommate under a haze a green Jell-O shooters. It happens to everyone.

Bracketing Techniques
This technique is probably more useful in Mr. Nolan's line of work as a corporate spy because
it is used to gather quantifiable data, and entails providing a large range for the mark to help
the naïve spy narrow down what a “real” number might be. About the only thing I can see it
being used for in the adultery area is to find out how many women the target has slept with.
You and I both know, men lie about that on general principle alone.
Feigned or Real Disbelief
This technique could be used by the spy right after the target tells him how many women he
has allegedly slept with, but more likely it will be used to get him to elaborate on a particular
point. The spy using the Naïveté technique got you to tell how you got over on one of your old
girlfriends, the spy then feigns disbelief and says something like, "It's pretty hard to believe
anyone could get away with something like that, let alone get away with it more than once.
You must be some kind of silver tongued devil straight from hell with a pocket full of four
leaf clovers and a horseshoe on your rabbits foot." Real or feigned disbelief has an effect

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similar to criticism, without the negative connotations. You will be on the defensive, trying to
prove the veracity of what you are saying because it is (or seems to be) a bit far fetched in the
eyes of the spy.
Purposely Erroneous Statements
As you have (hopefully) noticed by now, each of these techniques is applied to different
personality types and tendencies, and can be stacked for greater effect. This technique is no
different. It can be used most effectively with people who will correct misinformation when it
is presented to them, or have a natural tendency to correct others. The spy might say
something like, "I'm not a ladies man like you are. I would never have been able to sleep with
Betty, Marcia, Cheryl, Allison, and Mary like you did." Now you should protest that you
never slept with any of them, but depending on where you are in the conversation and how
many long necks you have inhaled, you are likely to correct your self-deprecating spy with the
actual number for a few reasons. One, he has stated it as a fact; two, it massages your ego; and
three, if Betty hears that you said you have already had sex with her, and you haven't yet had
the chance of getting under her skirt, your chances will be shot to hell and it will tarnish your
reputation with the associated women. (They kind of look down at that.)
Mr. Nolan points out that a good spy knows quite a bit about human psychology and how to
use it. For instance elevator psychology: two people getting onto an elevator will continue
talking if the spy is already inside the elevator, because the spy is perceived to be of no threat,
as opposed to the person who gets on four floors later. The new person entering the elevator
car will tend to kill the conversation if it is of a sensitive nature. The same goes for people in a
bar. If the person is there when you arrive, you perceive them to be substantially less
threatening than the person who follows you in. Spies know that to get the information they
want they have to appear not to want it or care about it. If it appears to hold no value or real
interest to them, it will seem less threatening for you to reveal it. They know that what they
pay attention to, you will as well. Remember the detective story from Focus in the sales
section? Another facet of the human condition is that a silence during a conversation is
uncomfortable, so we try to avoid this situation whenever possible. So once you start talking,
chances are you're going to keep talking. Mr. Nolan also points out a very important element
about information: other people are not nearly so protective of your secrets are you are, so you
might end up being the "anonymous old buddy" in a story your friend tells to a spy.
A spy could be culled from an old or current girlfriend of your friend, an office worker, a
bartender, a buddy of yours who wants to get into your wife's pants, or maybe even the
hairdresser of your mistress. In other words, just about anyone. A good spy also knows that
you are not the only source for information. Since other people don't consider your secrets as
important as you do, they like to brag and gossip, and have a need to have someone listen to
what they say. The same people who might make a good spy, can also make a great source for
a good spy.

If you think you ought not to be talking about something,

you’re probably right,
so shut up.

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 Mistress Games
Mistress games are different only in the aspect that if there is a competitiveness between her
and your wife, your mistress has the advantage. She knows about your wife, your wife doesn't
know about her. She knows you're being unfaithful, your wife probably doesn't have a clue.
Your mistress is in the position to be able to try to sway you in directions that your wife will
not understand unless the affair is exposed, then it will probably all make sense to her. The
mistress is in a position to peek at the cards in everyone's hand while concealing her own. You
need to stay vigilant and as with everything ask…what is the payoff? What is the motive?

Introductions Are Out of Order

Want to know when things are really getting out of control, when your mistress starts
introducing you to her neighbors, friends, and family members. You are going to be slowly
and almost irreversibly pulled in two directions and end up creating for yourself two
households, two lifestyles, and two headaches. Not to mention the attitudes of your mistress’s
friends and family you are going to be dealing with, if any of them knows the real nature of
the relationship.
Schedule Checking
This is done for two different reasons: To find out your schedule, and to plan theirs. You will
be doing the same thing, I might add, to plan your tryst.
Men are damn funny animals, many play around and expect both their wives and their
mistresses to be monogamous. Your mistress may use this game to try to make you jealous by
making you think she has another lover. If this prospect worries you, then you are open to
some serious manipulation. You will go crazy wondering what she is doing when you’re not
there and CAN'T be there. She will know if it is working by you changing your routine with
her, calling more, or showing up unexpectedly. If you didn’t catch it, this is what your wife
will be doing as well to check your alibi.
The Innocent Comment
Designed to create new problems, or exacerbate the ones you currently have. You probably
have bad mouthed your wife to your mistress. She is in a powerful position to make "innocent
comments" designed to bring you closer to her and to drive a wedge between you and her
rival (your wife). You will find many of these types of attacks in The Gentle Art of Verbal
Self-Defense. They are directed at your wife, but they indirectly implicate you. After all…you
married her.
Wounded Dove/Damsel in Distress
This is similar to Tariq Nasheed's "Drama Queen" but differs in that this is game play
designed to create a sense of helplessness that plays to the male’s psyche and role of
Superman/White Knight (in the games men play section). It creates a sense of being needed by
her, and if not over done, you won't resent it. You feel like a hero, you saved the day and who
doesn't like that feeling? If she over does this game, you will probably feel like you’re dealing
with someone afflicted with Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, or some other fictitious
ailment.

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But I LOVE You
This statement is going to be used to justify a whole world of behavior you’re going to have to
deal with. When Love is introduced into an affair by your mistress, it is usually an indicator of
increased expectations and the justification for aberrant behavior on her part. This particular
phrase is also used in conjunction with guilt attacks to heighten the emotional impact
delivered. This game can be diminished by degrees, by inserting reality back into the
situation. It might not excise the word from the vocabulary, but it will block the expectations
which are the real threat.
Analyze It To Death
This is her own form of deconstruction to help her diminish the emotional impact of the
relationship. If she is doing this, you can bet she is feeling uncomfortable with the situation
emotionally and wants to distance herself from it. You can help her by doing something
callous and thoughtless to help her justify her distancing herself. If she loses this little
discussion with herself, she is going to get closer to you emotionally which may entail that
dreaded killer-of-a-good-time word…love. If she is distancing herself, let her. If she is
distancing herself out of the relationship, it might be for the best. Just be prepared for it and
you will be fine…and so will she.

Making A Mark
Your mistress will try to make her mark on you in one way or another. It is human nature to
want to put our signature on something, even if no one else knows about it. One example is
computer chips. On particular chips, which can only be seen through an incredibly powerful
microscope, you can find names, initials and symbols created with the circuitry by the
designers. Monica gave Bill neckties (also used as to signal various things according to the
prosecution). Delilah gave Samson a haircut, ok bad example. From a new hair style, to
tattoos and ear piercing, or something as simple as a hickey, she wants to make some part of
you hers. These are also some of the things that are going to pique your wife's interest, and
she will to start to wonder what the new influence is. Actively discourage hickies, nail marks,
or bite marks. If she is trying to put them on you and won't take a subtle hint, stop all activity
at once, get up and get ready to leave. This should prove how serious you are about NOT
being caught. The sex just isn't that important. If you end up with some battle damage, you're
going to have to perform, or simulate, an activity that plausibly mimics how the marks could
have occurred in the first place; working in the garden with the rose bushes for instance. An
alternative is to try to use makeup, stay up late until the wounds recover, or try one of the
methods to minimize the appearance like ice or massaging the spot.

Plausible Deniability
Before you give your wife an excuse…try saying it aloud to see if it sounds ok. I give this
advice because of some of the excuses I have heard during the preparation of this book. You
will find that many excuses for doing things like coming home late, or trying to explain a
hickie, are not very believable; they sound MUCH better in your head than in your ears. The
following are actual excuses men have used on women to explain various things from coming
home late to bedroom battle scars.

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Reasons Men Give For…
Coming Home Late or Not At All:
I had to get a haircut (4 hours)
The dog got out of the car and he had to find it (3 hours)
I fell asleep while working under a car (5 hours)
I was turning wheelies in the mall parking lot after a snowstorm (7 hours)
I thought I was being followed and didn't want to come home the regular way (2 hours)
I helped a lady with a flat tire; she took me to dinner as a reward (4 hours)
I saw something in the woods and had to investigate (3 hours)
I was pissed at you so I went to a bar with some friends to teach you a lesson (5 hours)
I had to help my ex pick out an urn for her cat's ashes (over 24 hours)
Marks on the Body:
I had an itch, I used the door edge and, well, I did it too hard.
The guys were fooling around and wanted to see what would happen when I got home
Said the lipstick on his dick was hers…from a day ago (It was also the wrong shade)
I fell asleep holding a puppy...it got hungry
There was a hole in my coffee cup (red marks on thighs)
I was punched in the neck and it knocked me out
I was trying out a new snake bite kit
I burned my neck with a curling iron (I have no idea)
It’s a pimple (really bad one)
The stripper did it, but I swear I didn't touch her back
A leech got me
It's a play tattoo that didn't turn out real well
The collar on my shirt is too tight
It’s a rash…don’t touch it, it might be contagious
It's a camera-bag strap mark
It's a bruise
It's a bee sting
She was just playing and she didn’t think it would leave a mark
Sadly, I didn’t make up any of these. They were either given to me by the women they were
told to, or friends of the men who tried to use them. I'll bet they are still single. Why do men
use them? Because they don’t have anything better to use and the lament that "it sounded
better than no excuse at all" is obviously not necessarily true.

Acts to Revelation

This is another situation that is most likely of your own making. If you have been
badmouthing your wife, and complaining about everything from her hair color to the way she
does laundry, and you are complimenting your mistress on these very things, it is only natural
for her to start comparing herself against your wife…because YOU are. It is also a natural
progression for her (if she wants to keep you) to start feeling superior to your wife, and at
some point to want to replace her. This is natural for her because you have not said that it isn’t
going to happen; that you love your wife and want to stay married. The behavior your mistress
will start to display are the qualities of both a rival to your wife and a more active roll in your
family affairs. Your mistress will also start resenting your wife as well. If your mistress’s
justification is strong enough, she will even reveal the affair (by indirect means usually) in
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order to force you into what she sees as better situation with her: someone who will love you
and care for you the way you need to be taken care of and loved...she thinks.
Again, this is a natural progression of thought and attitude, and it is up to YOU to put a stop to
this before it gets out of hand. Some of the things your mistress might say are: "Doesn’t she
know better than to….?"; or "She is only doing that to punish you."; or she will employ the
progressive use of insults to ascending degrees.
This is your fault because your mistress will take her cues from you as to what she is allowed
to do or say in relation to your wife. When the situation has escalated to this point, chances
are your mistress is so wrapped up in the game and the competition that she hasn't really
thought about what it actually means to get you “for keeps”. There is an excellent chance the
relationship is going to fail…a 95 percent chance it is going to fail. Yes, she has a better
chance at making it work than winning the lottery, but that’s not saying much. Whether she
realizes it or not, she is going to have the constant stress of you being unfaithful to her. You
may want to bring this up to her if she is harboring those fantasies. Let her know that you
don't know if you could be faithful to her or not in a one on one relationship. It puts
everything out on the table, and gives her something to think about she might not have
consciously considered. It may or may not bring an end to the extra relationship, but it is
already out of hand. Unless you do something, you are going to be sitting in the dark with a
bottle of Jack Daniels smoking a blunt, whimpering about what a fool you've been, praying to
God to make things right again, and blaming fate for your fucked up situation.
It's Over
If your mistress terminates the affair before you are ready, you are probably going to
experience feelings of loss and depression. This is arguably the most dangerous time for you
emotionally (if you have much of an emotional attachment) because you’re going to think
about ways that you can salvage it, rearranging your life, and possibly even leave your wife.
What is important to remember is that with a mistress, the fantasy element is extremely
powerful, and you will keep thinking “what if” and “if only” to yourself. You need to be
very, very careful about what is really going on, and pay attention to what’s real. What’s real
is what you determine to be real beforehand. That is what your true guide is. When you’re
dependant on someone else for something it’s extremely hard to judge exactly what your true
emotions are.
You are going to have to suffer through this alone, or if you’re lucky with a therapist. Your
wife is going to wonder at your mood swing, and although there is nothing for her to find
now, she may suspect something of that nature has occurred. Other than drugs, there is one
cure for depression and sadness in the earlier stages; DO SOMETHING. Do anything (that
won't remind you of her), but don't mope around the house. Mow the lawn, play racquet ball,
go to a Bull's game, balance your checkbook, build an ark. If you stay busy the pain will hurt
less, and the depression and sadness will also be minimized. After you're feeling better you
may wish to start working on doing more things with your family. This can be as traumatic an
experience as death, or moving to the slums of Bangladesh. It takes time to get over it. If you
have prepared properly in the beginning and do not let your emotions get too far out of hand
along the way, you should be able to take this event like a flu vaccine with no more
deleterious an effect.

Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation.

- Henry Fielding
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 Games Men Play

I came upon a dream girl, stirring upon ivory sheets of Egyptian linen. As she turns a wet clit
sparkles the color of champagne, and hard nipples resting upon a set of shapely breasts rise
and fall upon gentle moans of excited breaths. - JMP

Most women believe themselves to be less attractive than they are, conversely most men give
themselves more credit than they deserve in both the looks and the brains department.
Fortunately for men, women are more tolerant of both our realities and delusions. Most
women understand the games men play, at least on an intellectual level, better than men do. I
asked one woman I interviewed about the games men played and she came up with this:

Games Men Play…

To Attract Women:

* I’m Misunderstood
* My Childhood Traumas
* Mr. Stud-ly
* Mr. Rich
* I’m Unloved/Unappreciated
* Check Out My Car
* I Can Go All Night
* I Just Want To Be Friends [i.e. Fuck Buddies]
* I Love My Wife, Just Need Sex
* You Drive Me Crazy
* I’ve Never Believed in Love at First Sight
* I Love You
* Jealousy in General [different people react different ways, see below]

To Keep Women At A Distance:

* Overworked/Underpaid
* Can’t Commit [i.e. cannot be monogamous]
* Broke
* Short Leash
* You’re Too Smart
* You’re Too Rich
* I’m Married
* I Just Want To Be Friends
* I’m Going Through A Messy Divorce
* My Religious Beliefs
* I Love My Wife, Just Need Sex
* I’ve Been Hurt too Bad to Feel Love Again
* Jealousy in General

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To Make Women Go Away:

* I Never Loved You

* You Weren’t Who I thought You Were
* You Don’t Love Me Enough
* You Get On My Case Too Much
* You Don’t Understand….
* You Love the Cat More Than Me
* I Can’t Trust You
* Jealousy in General

If you happen to believe that women don't know what's going on, then you are indeed a fool.
Go dye your hair blonde, sniff some model glue, and snack on some crystal Draino.
Or better yet play a game of chess…the most powerful piece on the board will become
quickly apparent to you, unless you have the observational skills of a doughnut.

The games men play are typically in three categories. The first one is for acquiring sex, the
second is to try to maintain a relationship, and the third as you have read is to end
relationships. What is interesting is that men in general expect and insist on monogamy from
their wives, and would like to have that from their mistress too (unless she is married). It's not
a requirement in most cases, but if the relationship goes on for any length of time, it often
becomes an expectation on the man’s part. At the very least, he expects to have the
appearance of monogamy in many cases. Most games are harmless, and can result in a
win/win situation for both players. The warning I would give to you is that games, combined
with the sales psychology material supplied earlier in the book, can sometimes lead to
predatory behavior. Most research into predatory behavior comes from the study of animals.

Predatory behavior can involve chasing and even biting but it's technically
not aggression at all. Aggression is intended to drive a threat away or
eliminate it. In predatory behavior the intent is to get CLOSE enough to the
prey to eat it.
- pethelp.net/aggpred.html

I'm not too greatly concerned about you pulling a Hannibal Lector, rather my concern is that
you may slip into the mindset of a victimizer. The attack and abuse capabilities of a
psychologically well trained game player can be nothing short of devastating, and all too often
is when combined with a blanket deconstruction of the women around you. People in general
are reduced to little more than services for your satisfaction and amusement. Be aware of this
possibility; do not succumb to the dark dangers and seductive powers of the manipulation
skills you are going to be wielding.

Preying on Hope

This game is best used if your mistress believes she loves you and wants to keep you. The
game itself is usually successful, even if the woman suspects it is being played, because it
appeals to the Hope for Gain and exploits the Fear of Loss mentality.
Hope is an incredibly powerful motivator because it is not real and exists in a perfect state in
her mind’s vision of how things will be once you are together. It is this dream, with a taste of
reality mixed in that makes the game work. It is the hope for this future, which seems like
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such a real possibility to her, that allows the fear of its loss to be used to keep her obedient,
and to endure the setbacks as they arise. The longer the game goes on the stronger the
cognitive dissonance will be that will prevent her from leaving. This game is usually played
with stingers like "If only the kids weren’t so young." or "When I get the promotion…" Once
she realizes that you have been stringing her along and that you are not going to leave your
wife, this affair will be over…at least with her.

Superman/White Knight

This game is played in the echo of the Wounded Dove/Damsel in Distress. Most men like to
be perceived as having worth and value over and above their paychecks. Men are also, by
nature, fixers of problems. Ever sit down with your wife while she tells you about what a
lousy day she had? I'll bet the whole time you're thinking to yourself about how to make the
situation better or easier, and when you offer suggestions to help they don't seem to be quite
appreciated. This is because she is just wanting to talk to get it off of her chest…to
depressurize. You, on the other hand, are probably solution oriented and are looking for
opportunities to show off your skills at problem solving and helping. You may even invent
problems to solve so you can look good in front of a woman, in hopes that later she might let
you bend her into pretzel like sexual positions to test the tensile strength of a penetrating
condom.

Misdirection
Misdirection is an art much like the practiced skills of prestidigitation. Many men try
misdirection in crude a fashion by doing things like accusing the spouse of having an affair to
put her on the defensive and to move suspicion away from themselves. This particular
maneuver is about as bright as a wife constantly accusing her husband, who isn't being
unfaithful, of having an affair. It's probably going to result in the unjustly accused having the
affair. A bit more advanced misdirection, or at least a lot more original, is the gentleman who
urinated in his pants just before he walked in the door. He told his wife he just couldn't hold it
anymore. No close examination for him that night. These tactics work once or maybe twice,
but what you need is something that will work over and over again.
Since it is impossible to give one or two, or even a dozen tricks that will work over and over
in every situation, I have chosen rather to teach you a bit about the greatest misdirection
industry ever created, well the second greatest (No one beats a government institution for
misdirection and deception.). That industry is the mystical realm of magic. No, I'm not going
to reveal how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, that’s Penn and
Teller's job. Some of it you have already been exposed to. For example, what you pay
attention to, your audience will as well. In magic there are moments when misdirection works
better than others. Magician and author, Christian Chelman describes the moment to do your
secret move is when you exhale. The reason is because we understand, on a subconscious
level, that people normally breathe in just before they act. Breathing out is a release. Another
thing magicians know is that people are much like cats, in that they can see movement very
well, even small movement, and pay close attention to it if they suspect some kind of
tomfoolery is going on. They are like dogs in that when you throw the ball the eye will follow

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the projected line, even if just for a moment, until you realize the magician has palmed the
ball. Much like how you torture your pet retriever.
A paramagic offshoot is the psychic who knows a thing or nine about human psychology.
This group usually has two things going for them right from the start. The first is the
knowledge that most people believe themselves to be special and unique in all the world
(which they are…just like everyone else); this mindset makes them largely oblivious to their
similarities to other people. The second thing these psychics have going for them is the
suspension of disbelief. Mix in a bit of flattery and general observation, and you could be a
psychic too. People want to believe the good things you tell them about themselves. You can
help foster a suspension of disbelief by using simple phrases at the beginning of a
conversation such as "Now keep an open mind", "Imagine yourself…", or "Pretend for a
moment that…" Rod Serling used this technique at the beginning of every Twilight Zone
episode.
Depending on how bold, confident, or stupid you are with the art of misdirection, you may or
may not want to bring the name of your mistress into your wife’s sphere of awareness. This
sort of goes along with the "hide in plain sight" philosophy of many magicians, and I hear it
works well with hiding the kids’ Christmas presents too. Some people, if they suddenly find
out a new name, will think something might be going on. Other people, if it's brought into
their awareness, will dismiss it figuring that nobody is so bold/suicidal as to bring the mistress
to the attention of the wife. It just depends on the nature of the people you're dealing with,
and whether or not you can handle it if your wife decides to invite your special friend over for
dinner some evening (a consistent refusal could also signal something). If you wish to further
misdirect your wife you could give your mistress an imaginary boyfriend as well. You might
go out for a beer with her boyfriend every once in awhile too.

Ivan the Conqueror

When men “conquer” a territory they want to conquer it completely. The Rules uses this
notion about men to extend, intensify, and solidify the man’s emotions for a woman, and uses
sex ultimately for the operating mechanism, but it could be anything, sex is just the easiest
and most desired of the options. I heard about a play that exemplifies this. I'm not sure about
the play’s name unfortunately, the story was relayed to me by a woman in an airport. The
woman in the play had a reputation as a fantastic cook but she would never cook for the man
she was dating, he was sleeping with her at the time and he wanted to taste the food he heard
was so wonderful, but she wouldn’t cook for him until they were married. He protested that
since they were sleeping together, making him dinner shouldn’t be that big a deal, she replied
"I'm a lousy lay, but I'm a fantastic cook". As I said, I do not know the name of the play this
comes from, but it eloquently makes the point.

Smart women know that they have to more than one thing to offer because they also know
that after awhile men may lose interest. For the man, after sex the mystery with her is solved
(we are task oriented after all), the thrill of the game may wane after awhile as well. While not
exactly a one to one comparison, smart women counter this like Shahrazad did in the book, A
Thousand and One Arabian Nights. The story goes that King Shahriya had become quite
upset over unfaithful women, and decided that he would take a new wife to bed each night
(It's good to be the King), then have her executed in the morning (not so good to be the
Queen). The crafty Shahrazad, who was next in line to be married and didn't want to die, came

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up with the idea that she would keep the King in suspense by telling him stories, leaving the
ending off until the next night, and thereby prolonging her execution for another day. It
worked night after night, day after day, until the King had grown so fond of her he did not
wish to put her to death. In doing so, Shahrazad saved her own life and created the very first
"Cliff Hangers" (For an excellent history of the story, check in the bibliography for a site by
John Crocker). The mysteries of a woman may be many and deep but she can always keep a
man interested in her by using variations of stringers for suspense and promises of greater
delights.

Guilt
Ground in teeth of guilt
he displayed his torment as an illness,
worried, sullen, and sage
Guilt, in many ways, is easy for a man to play because women tend to take more
responsibility for the relationship than a man does. If there is something very wrong with the
relationship, or she believes there is, the common reaction for her is to self examine and see
what she could do better. One very good place to initiate guilt as a maintenance or preventive
measure is when you detect her becoming more interested in your random excursions, or
trying to actively seek out confirmation. To do this brag about your wife to your friends or
hers…someway that will get back to her: "My wife knows I'm loyal, she doesn't need to go
through my pockets, call me at work, or shakedown my friends for information.” If you do it
correctly, she will feel deep pangs of guilt when/if she does start doing some type of
investigation. Guilt can also be intentionally elicited by bringing friends from work home
when the house is a mess, when dinner has not been prepared to your liking, after sexual
inadequacy, or simply expressing disappointment to some degree in something she has done
to try to please you. You can contrast this game with Superman/White Knight, and evoke
feelings of love and appreciation by helping to solve the problem. If dinner isn't to your liking
and she is expressing feelings of disappointment…tell her you love her, to get dressed up,
then take her out to a nice dinner.
No, this is not a nice thing to do by any means, and if you’re not careful you can do serious
damage to your marriage and your wife's esteem. DO NOT play this game unless you are
supremely confident you can repair ANY damage that might be inflicted.

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,

By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword. --Oscar Wilde

Sympathy game

This is a classic, but like a classic it still sells. You have one face and personality for your
mistress (typically), and another for your home, family and wife. With this game you are
playing to the "mothering" nature of your mistress. Since she will rarely see how you are at
home and you will be more or less on your best behavior with her, she will wonder why your
wife doesn't treat you the way she should. This game usually requires impugning your wife in
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some respect either directly or indirectly. Some men vilify the wife to the mistress and/or to
friends looking for support and justification for having the affair in the first place. This is
usually a dumb move if there is any chance of it getting back to your wife, because should you
be discovered, as I have said before, it is going to make any reconciliation very difficult if not
impossible.

Bad Bob

Three men may keep a secret if two are dead

- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac

Ok, you have practiced controlling everything about yourself. You have used the bio-feedback
devices, and you can appear calm, unmoved and unemotional even as the fire heats up and
rabid mutant Tasmanian jungle ferrets start to circle around you. You have learned to beat the
truster lie detector so efficiently, you can say that your dick is 3 feet long, purple and tastes
like a watermelon lollypop when it’s pointing at your home planet in the Orion star
system…naked in front of your wife, television cameras and a senate sub-committee wasting
10 million taxpayer dollars investigating body lice. Your body language is so controlled you
could appear dead for three weeks if you wanted to. You have kept the affair well hidden and
revealed nothing. The CIA would even have trouble cracking the encryption you use on your
email, and a forensics team couldn’t find a split hair to connect you to anyone but your wife.
You are on top of the game, a virtual paragon of self discipline and control. The question
is…that buddy you told (OOPS!)…can he keep it as well hidden as you? Does he even want
to? A funny thing happens where other men are concerned, when a man starts developing a
harem. Others get jealous, or maybe they have started to develop feelings for your wife and
don't think you ought to be running around on her…maybe those feelings will justify him
slipping in conversation about your alternate lifestyle. This friend could very well want to
point out how rotten you are so he can shine by comparison, and hopefully (in his mind) bed
your wife while you’re drilling for oil out on the pubic plateau. Maybe she will oblige him, if
for no other reason than a vengeance fuck.

All kingdoms contain a King, a Queen and a Lancelot. - JMP

Pushing the Envelope

There is a saying “Once a dog, always a dog”. Another saying goes, “A leopard can't change
his spots.” I prefer the Lays potato chip slogan “Bet you can't eat just one” to explain this
section. Once you have established a routine that affords you the free time to have an affair,
you have the capability of having more than one mistress. The excuses are built into the
lifestyle. You can use your wife's demands as an excuse to your mistress to get the free time
to spend with your newest conquest. One important thing to realize here is that you’re going
to go crazy if you’re trying to shield everyone from everyone else. A basic primmer for this is
to keep your wife the most shielded, and your mistress informed about your marital status.
Any other mistress should be informed about the wife and/or the other mistress.

The stress of maintaining multiple, multiple relationships may be more than you can handle,
so make sure you can sever sexual ties with any additional partners quickly. Establish a

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pecking order of who you will keep and who you will let go if the occasion arises. Your time
is going to be very valuable with the added entertainment and interaction, so monitor it
closely and spread it fairly. Mind you, the more women you have in your life that your male
friend(s) know about, the more resentment they are likely to feel, which could make you more
vulnerable to a Bad Bob situation.

A married man does not generally have the time to ensure that both his wife and his mistress
are being faithful. If it is an important issue with him, he will give his mistress something to
lose so she won't stray…a promise of something better (which may or may not come),
generally a promise of a legitimate and open relationship later on. Although this ploy is
probably more trouble than it's worth. One way to keep from verbally tripping himself up is to
use pet names or general terms of endearment such as "Honey" or "Darling". No proper names
ever, especially during sex when thinking isn't being conducted by the head with the brain in
it.

I'm Single

This is an old piece of shit game in most cases…if you’re married, say you’re married. If she
is interested you will still probably get laid. If not, maybe she won't think you’re an ass and
try to destroy your life for lying to her. About the only time this might work is if you’re going
for the One Nighter, anything else is courting danger that frankly, you just don't need.

Withholding of Affection
This is the male counterpart to the woman's game Sexual Barter/Weaponry. This, like all
games, can be gender interchangeable. When men have their feelings hurt, or their egos
bruised (normally the softest part of a man), they have the tendency to withhold displays of
affection as a form of punishment. This can be effective if she doesn't realize the transgression
immediately. It will elicit feelings of guilt and she will fault herself for not knowing better. It
includes giving a peck on the lips as opposed to a kiss, very limited body contact, such as very
brief hugs or only using one arm in the exercise, a larger separation than is normal in bed, and
of course limited proximity and conversation. Do not let this behavior backfire by letting it go
on too long. If your wife believes that she is not the cause, she may just let you go on being
the way you are, believing you are working out a problem you do not wish to discuss with her.
Sort of like the general male philosophy: She's pissed, it ain't at me, I'm not going to worry
about it until she tells me to. Here is something to consider; if you treated your wife like your
mistress and your mistress like your wife, which one would leave you faster and which one
would appreciate you more?

Bribery Game

A decent bribe can buy almost anything…especially freedom.

- Otto

In the Middle Ages the Catholic Church, in order to raise more money, engaged in a practice
called the Sale of Indulgences. What this allowed you to do was to buy your way out of
various sins for a price, whether or not you were repentant. You could buy your absolution for
such offences as incest, adultery, perjury, burglary, murder, and even infanticide. In some
cases, you could prepay for your anticipated sin and then do it completely guilt free. This
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practice, of course, has since been abolished due to efforts of the likes of Martin Luther and
others. This issue, or the upheaval around it, was also the birth of the Protestant religion. I
mention this little factoid because everyone at some point in time seems to have their price.
With your wife this game is played with gifts, time, and attention. An example of this is when
you have spent the whole weekend doing everything your wife wants to do, going shopping,
going to the movies and sitting through chick flicks, giving her a massage, tuning up her car,
etc. You have willingly made a lot of effort to make your wife feel comfortable, desirable, and
loved. When you ask for a bit of time to go do the things you want to do, it isn't so easy for
her to protest.

Bribing by doing something for someone, tends to obligate that person, to make them
beholden to you, or form a low level loyalty. This is why some gifts are refused or offers of
help are turned down. This is rather standard game play in a relationship, and works out rather
well unless she suspects you’re going to fluff the pillows at the local “No-tell Motel” for your
method of payment.

It's not a bribe...it's prepaid penance.

Dependency Game
Love is not ownership
This game is played mostly (there are of course exceptions) by men who are either control
freaks, feel inferior to their mates, or are highly insecure about aspects of themselves. I am not
referring to the men who are trying to be the best providers they can be for their families, and
are genuinely looking out for their best interests. It’s a variation on the Superman/ Knight in
Shining Armor, but different enough to warrant its own section.
The Dependency Game seeks to use the banner of chivalry to rule every aspect of the home
front. It psychologically offers the wife the appearance of freedom from the workplace,
money concerns, and social concerns. The man takes all of the responsibility off of his wife
and onto himself. This way he can control all aspects of the relationship, and it looks like a
good deal for the woman. It is in reality little more than a gilded, and sometimes electrified,
cage. The statement that “all laws are enforced at the point of a gun” is about as valid as the
statement that “a woman's power in a relationship is based on her ability to control the sex.”
If she is working, she is also deriving some of that power by controlling part of the finances as
well.

Some men, in their effort to control their castle, restrict their wives’ abilities and capabilities
to do things on their own. They segregate them from their family and/or friends to limit the
resources and options they have, so when things start going in a direction she doesn't like, she
has no place to go. If she does leave, he will harass the people harboring her, and alternately
promise her the moon to get her back; a classic carrot and stick ploy. Things will be better for
a while, then get progressively worse again. One of the major victories for this sick and
twisted fuck is when the woman starts taking responsibility for the mistreatment given her.
"It's my fault, I know how he is. I shouldn't have played the music so loud, then he wouldn't
have gotten angry."

Love and abuse are frequently intermixed, altering conventional sexual and emotional
patterns. One woman told me "I couldn't have an orgasm for years without being slapped
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around first." These women believe they are being loved because of the restrictions placed on
them, not that they are the domestic slaves they are being treated like. The men in these
relationships tend to view their wives more as personal property and less like human beings.
Threats of murder are not uncommon, neither are the attempts. Frequently, but not always,
two or more children are involved in this twisted power trip because they are anchors, which
limit the places that will take her in, and additionally hold the wife in the relationship beyond
health or reason. Women will typically cover for the abusive husband because it is a
humiliating situation to be in, also because if he finds out she told anyone she will incur
further wrath. This is where the excuses "I walked into a door.” or “I fell down the stairs.”
come from. These men can, and do, typically fuck around with little penalty for obvious
reasons. This situation usually ends up with jail time for him and medical bills or a headstone
for her.

Legally Addicted Forever

This is one of the most sinister games I think I have ever seen. Basically it is chemically
treating your spouse or mistress with happy pills, such as Prozac, Zoloft or other types of a
drug class called serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, so she doesn't feel bad about what she
suspects is going on. I understand, and am not trying to detract from, the people who
legitimately need the drugs and have been helped by them. However, while researching this
book the subject came up, rather indirectly, about them. One gentleman said his life was so
much easier since she (his wife) had been on them. The more I researched them, the more
convinced I became that I had to include something about them in this book.

The problem doctors don’t mention, is that these drugs are more addictive than cocaine. Up to
60 percent of people on these drugs suffer from sexual side effects, such as inability to
orgasm, inhibited sexual arousal, loss of libido, genital anesthesia (lack of feeling), impotence
in men, and something really fucked up called retrograde ejaculation, which is where the
sperm and fluids go into the bladder instead of out of the penis. Of course, if you’re on these
drugs you just might not care. There are some patients who display suicidal and homicidal
tendencies on these medications as well. If you don't believe me, read the book Prozac
Backlash by Dr. Joseph Glenmullen M.D. (which is where quite a bit of this information is
taken from). If you are having sexual problems in your marriage, and she is taking this
medication, it could very well be the culprit, or at the very least exacerbate (not masturbate)
an already bad situation.

Here is another wonderful item about this class of drug, it can take from six months to a year
to withdraw from it, except they don’t use the word withdrawal; they have a new term called
antidepressant discontinuation syndrome. What illegal drug takes six months to a year to
withdraw from? Could be that’s why they don't call it withdrawal, it lasts longer than the
entire lifecycle of most insects. What's also very profitable for the drug companies is that each
progressive generation of these drugs is more addictive than the last.

If you like the Steven King horror sensation you get while your wife is on these medications,
go to www.antidepressantsfacts.com and read about this and other drug information…just for
fun. It is rather easy to turn your spouse into a Stepford wife with these medications, and they
are fairly easy to get. Doctors seem to be handing out this shit like candy. If a woman goes to
a doctor complaining about stress, anxiety, or depression she will most likely be handed a
prescription for one of the latest new age mood minders. According to Prozac Backlash, a
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person should have a psychological evaluation before going on these drugs, with a periodic
follow up. However, in the early 90's some 70 percent of prescriptions for the Prozac group
(Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox, Celexa) were written by primary care physicians: your basic
M.D., without the extra education that a psychiatrist must have, and for which your HMO
loves not having to pay. Personally I'd rather get a divorce before doing this to someone I
love.

Marking Territory

Some men are extremely "territorial"; this is a nice euphemism for “they are selfish,
controlling assholes”. This can also be said of women. One telltale sign of this in men is the
deliberate marking of his mistress when he thinks she might be seeing someone else. What
most men do not realize is that marks make no difference to another man in most cases. If she
is going to let him fuck her, he doesn't care if she has a few marks on her, in fact it allows him
to be more aggressive and put marks on her as well…she can always say they were from you.
This is also true for women who are trying to mark men.

If you have a long standing affair, and your wife decides to mark your body up, your mistress
doesn't care. It just gives her permission to add to ‘em. Unless it's in the intensity of the sexual
act itself , don’t do this. It shows you're insecure, and if she suspects the reason it might piss
her off. One woman put it this way; "…they do everything but piss on you to 'mark their
property'...usually only when they see you are attractive to other males." Don't play this game.
I'm not talking about you leaving marks from the passion of the moment. I'm talking about
you trying to suck the words "Hands Off" on each of her tits, and "Don't Touch" under her
belly button. Of course if you’re that good with your lips, you probably don't need to worry
about it anyway.

No Single Sinners
I mention this game because I have seen it come up more than few times over the years.
Its origins normally come from a desire to alleviate guilt, or from trying to bargain the wife
into allowing an occasional tryst: trying to set up the wife to have an affair. If you really just
don’t want to be married anymore, you might be subconsciously trying to find her a
replacement so you can get out from under the marriage and go do what you want to with
your mistress. This way you don’t feel so bad about leaving your wife. This game is so wildly
dangerous that I don't recommend it ever! It almost always splits in either one of two
directions: the RARE best case scenario in which you get to have a little bit of fun, and so
does your wife, and in the MUCH more frequent scenario it emotionally destroys everyone
involved, leads to angry, bitter feelings and potentially to public embarrassment. I have
watched some couples try to explain their lifestyles in front of a judge during divorce and
custody proceedings. They don't write stuff this emotionally charged even on the Lifetime
Network. All too often one party or the other gets extremely insecure or jealous (usually both),
and over compensates, sending the marriage and "The Agreement" into a shitstorm of chaos
without an umbrella.
The other aspect to this is the lifestyle known as swinging. Again, it is a hard thing for
relationships to recover from if it doesn't work out. In an affair the sex usually goes on unseen
by the spouse, whereas in swinging the sex is usually right in front of one another. This can be
a real ego crusher; it might not be so easy to see your wife passed around the room like a
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rolled up twenty dollar bill at a cocaine party, no matter what you might think. It is possible
that you both might like it more than you might imagine too. (Bit of trivia for you: it is
estimated that well upwards of 80 percent of all US paper currency is contaminated with trace
amounts of cocaine.) If you do try to go along this route, I would recommend a lot of
foreshadowing and temperature taking. It's a hard road to come back from. There is an old
maxim, which was relayed to me by a divorced mother of five, that comes to mind "It's easier
to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission…but not necessarily wiser.”

End Games
In the finial analysis of games, you find that they are all motivated by the need for
gratification, and that the games are merely the path to that goal. The problem that most
people have is that they do not think beyond the goal. John Hinckly, Jr. is a prime example of
this. He wanted Jodie Foster’s "respect and love"; to accomplish this he was going to kill the
President. He knew that by trying to kill the President he might die, or at the very least he
would be "sacrificing" his freedom. (He also tried a bit of extortion in there by ransoming the
President’s life in exchange for Miss Foster spending the rest of her life with him.). By doing
this, he was going to prove to her how much he loved her. When she realized how much he
"loved" her, she was supposed to change her mind and fall in love with him. Granted that
Hinckly was mentally ill and suffered from a whole host of insecurity issues, but if Hinckly's
plan to get Miss Foster to love him by killing the President of the United States had
worked…HOW would he ever get to enjoy it? The answer is obviously that he couldn't,
because he is a sick, shortsighted asshole with a pedigree. Something to remember: dumb
plans are always dumb plans. Look beyond the goal. It doesn't matter how much you "love"
someone, myopia and stupidity have never, and will never, win the day.
There are only two tragedies in life,
one is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.
-- Oscar Wilde

Not So Nice Things

“In the practical art of war, the best thing of all is to take the enemy's country whole and
intact; to shatter and destroy it is inferior to this.” -Sun Tzu

Sun Tzu also makes the distinction that it is not so much the opponent’s army that is the
threat, but the mind of the opposing general that must be defeated. Within this mindset I am
providing a few things that can help you be properly prepared in your time of peace, so that if
there is a time of war you are not left without a recourse. Some of this might sound
underhanded and something you consider beneath you, or something one does not do to a
friend. You would be right, but if you start to suspect a Lancelot, or Judas, you are going to
want a remedy and a way to contain the damage they might be able to do. If you don't want to
do it, then don't, but if you have doubts about your friends and who you can trust there are a
few things you can do to stock your war chest…just in case.
This is a not so nice section about what people can, and will do to each other. It ought to go
without saying that the use of this section should to be treated like a secret more dangerous
than the public disclosure of a penetrating sexual fetish that involves using a Barbie doll as a
dildo. Think about what the disclosure of similar information did for the CIA’s and FBI's
reputation. Just pretend you're John Ashcroft with a hard-on for exploitive information.
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A Mighty Pen

The pen can be mightier than the sword in a number of different ways. For one thing, the use
of swords usually ends in substantial jail time. A pen can tell the truth you want it to, and in
conjunction with a log book is pretty convincing evidence. Most of what I'm going to talk
about here is rather clandestine. The first thing you want to do, is gather basic information
about the people in your immediate circle; this includes your mistress. The information you
will need includes: name; date of birth; social security number; their car’s license place
number; blood type; where they were born; school(s) they attended; who they dated and
when; when they got married; if they were divorced and where; properties they own;
memberships they have or had; friends and mutual friends; where they bank; account number
(can be gotten off of a check); email accounts; preferences for food, women, sexual fantasies;
if they smoke, what brand…etc. You can later augment information by collecting physical
elements such as fingerprints (you can get them from a lighter, matchbook, money, or a glass),
and maybe a small blood sample. This is a lot of work and is most safely done over a period
of time. You are basically creating a dossier on the people around you. In the event they
become a threat, their vulnerabilities become very apparent. You can also use some of the
information such as fingerprints, to determine if it was your wife who left that vibrator out.
You will need to update this collection of information from time to time with notable events
which you believe may become useful later on if things turn out: Not Quite So Nice.

If you have violated one of the first cannons of having an affair, which is not to tell anyone,
you have become personally, painfully aware that affairs may also be used as blackmail
against you. When someone wants something from you, or wants you to perform in a certain
way, you will be damn glad you kept that office party picture of ol’ Ted doing the naked
bunny hop with the copy repair guy.

Poison the Pool of Knowledge

L. Ron Hubbard the founder of "Scientology" calls this "Dead Agenting" What it entails is
destroying the credibility of your adversary (part of the reason you want to have all of that
wonderful information mentioned above.). When they suspected someone was going to speak
out against Scientology, they usually already had compiled a dossier on this opponent, or
would be opponent, and did their best to destroy that person’s credibility with whatever
skeletons that person was trying to hide.

If someone who knows about your affair is making noises like they are going to spill the
beans, you can "leak" some of the distasteful information to your wife and use it as an excuse
for not hanging around that person anymore. It is only in the rarest moments that you will
want to reveal to the person all of the information you have collected, because it will probably
be used against you in some form or fashion, you are not L. Ron Hubbard after all.

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Hypnosis

…The subconscious mind is like an obedient slave.

It doesn't think or reason. It just responds to what it is told.
Herein lies the value and power of hypnosis.
-Hypnosis by William W. Hewitt
The CIA study of interrogation techniques through hypnosis concluded that it was largely
ineffectual for the purpose of eliciting information from foreign operatives or personnel, due
largely to the necessity of the subject willingness, or rather lack of willingness to participate
in the process. As you might already suspect, this doesn't happen all too often. That doesn't
mean that you can't use this tool, at least to a minor degree, to effect certain changes in
perception or emotions to your benefit. There are more powerful techniques called Conversion
Tactics, which are used by certain churches, cults, and various militaries around the world.
Most of these are largely impractical for use in a personal relationship. They include but are
not limited to: altering body/brain chemistry, sleep deprivation, chanting, intimidation,
heightened stress and anxiety. All of the previous are an attempt to make the
soldier/follower/mark more suggestible and programmable. As the professional hypnotist,
Dick Sutphen so eloquently points out: “CONVERSION is a ‘nice’ word for
BRAINWASHING.”

If you wish to get a more thorough education about this branch of psychology, you can start
by going to Ctyme.com/bwash/bwash.htm. Mr. Sutphen has a very good overview of the
many different approaches in use in the world today. As I said, the majority of conversion
tactics are not very useful in interpersonal relationships, but hypnosis, or rather the induction
of hypnotic states, is by far a more practical matter. For one thing, you, unlike the subjects in
the CIA study, have a trusting participant; if you do not violate that trust outright you can go a
long way.

Hypnosis is a way to make a person more suggestible to thoughts and ideas. No, you are not
going to be able to make your wife want to join you in a threesome with your mistress, if this
is contrary to her morals. Now that I have dashed your hopes about having a human sandwich,
let's get into what you can do. Hypnosis can allow you to build a closer relationship with your
wife, or your mistress, and it can help you influence certain attitudes and decisions. Now,
unless your wife is as dumb as a blonde in a beach commercial, she is going to catch on to
what you are doing if you start swinging a gold watch in front of her saying “You're getting
very sleepy.” over and over again. She probably won't catch on if you are more subtle about
your approach.

The brain operates on different levels of consciousness, which correspond to measurable

frequency cycles. The lowest of the four states of consciousness is the Delta state, 0 - 4 cycles
per second, which is total unconsciousness. The next up is the Theta state, 4 -7 cycles per
second. The ALPHA state is next and ranges from 7-14 cycles per second. This is where the
hypnotic state happens. The last is the Beta state of consciousness 14+ cycles per second and
where conscious cognitive function takes place. In hypnosis, you are trying to reach the
subconscious mind. The traditional method to do this is to bore the conscious mind into
inactivity. If you have ever listened to a hypnotic tape or participated in a session, you may
have noticed that the hypnotist's voice is even, monotone, and relaxing. If he varies the tone,
pitch, or the pace of his voice in the least, your active, conscious mind will be drawn
immediately to the vocal aberration. In self-hypnosis there are two times a day when
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suggestions can be made that can go directly into the subconscious mind. They are 15 minutes
before you go to sleep and 15 minutes after you wake up. There is another time, though not
usually a daily occurrence, when something said can be powerfully directed into the
subconscious mind. That is very shortly after climax. These are the naturally susceptible times
when suggestions can be made. At most any other time, you have to create the climate for
induction.
Creating the climate is not as difficult as you might think, because people go in and out of
inductive states all of the time. Watching television induces a light hypnotic state; a
therapeutic massage can create an inductive state. Candles and soft music can create inductive
states. Any activity that shuts down the critical left brain thinking can induce an inductive
state. William Hewitt in his book, Hypnosis, states that when you roll your eyes upward as far
as you can, and hold them there for as long as you can, you will force yourself into a light
hypnotic or alpha state (Pg. 124). Remember when I said visuals tend to look upward when
trying to recall memories because they are looking for the picture in their minds? When they
roll their eyes up to a very great degree, they are inducing a light hypnotic state that may help
them to more clearly remember events or information. What does any of this mean to you?

By identifying altered states of consciousness, you can make suggestions or statements during
these times directly into the basic programming of another person. For instance, if you and
your wife have had a fight, and you said some things you really wish you hadn't, or that you
really didn't mean, like “I don't really love you.”, you can get a long way back by lighting
candles and incense, playing soft white noise music or sound, and giving her a massage. At
the right moment you tell her you're sorry for what you said and that you love her very deeply,
or just tell her that you love her. The message has bypassed the critical thinking phase and
gone into the subconscious. If she wants to talk about it, her critical thinking has reengaged,
just tell her that we can talk later…just relax. This should put her back into an inductive state.
Remember…she must desire what the suggestion implies and voluntarily accept the
suggestion. Another method might be reading aloud to your wife during bedtime. There are
hypnosis tapes that are suggested for playing during bedtime. I personally question the
validity of such claims when I have seen several tapes and authors who recommend playing
the tapes at times when you won't fall asleep, to keep a balance of information between the
conscious and unconscious mind. So, if you want to try to "program" your wife while she is
asleep, go for it. I'm sure like most things "personal results will vary."
There are lots of not so nice things that can be done, but I will leave that to your creativity and
decision making processes. If you lack that, try going to the website thepayback.com. I will
conclude this section by advocating you use this section in a primarily defensive posture. The
potential damage you can do to yourself and others is extensive. Be wise.

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 THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR
Warning Alarms

The longer an affair goes on the easier it might be to maintain it because you have most likely
settled into a routine. Conversely, it may become more difficult to hide because you’re
running out of excuses. Really, how many times can you get away with “the battery died, I
had a flat tire, I ran out of gas, Bob is sick, the plane was late, I got pulled over and ALMOST
got a ticket, the police stopped me but it was a case of mistaken identity, I didn’t realize how
late it was, I was too drunk to drive and Bob drove me to his house, I stopped off for a few, I
got lost, I'm being sued for malpractice and have to visit the attorney again, I was talking to
our neighbors dog Sam again” excuses? Perhaps your resolve to hide the affair or try to hide it
has gone down. You might feel hiding it is more trouble than it’s worth and want to go ahead
and admit it, go through the divorce, etc. You need to guard against these feelings.

You need to keep re-evaluating why you initially started the whole thing. Sure, things change
as they go along, but you need to figure out what you’re really, really going to lose. A lot of
times things are not as bad as we imagine them, sometimes they’re a whole lot worse.
Divorce situations can be a whole lot worse. Talk to somebody who’s gone through a really
bad divorce and see how it goes. Talk to a lawyer; see what a really messy divorce can look
like, and then think again about how difficult it is to properly maintain the relationship. You
know and I know that you’re not having an affair to hurt anybody (probably), but if your wife
finds out about it, she may end up doing a lot of different things to hurt you. One is called
fucking your best friend. The other is called fucking your worst enemy. Of course, if that
happens there is almost no chance you’re going to be able to salve it over. If you are fucking
her best friend, or her worst enemy (remember selection is important), she just might want to
give you a taste of your own medicine. It's going to taste similar to Dow Chemical
wastewater, and likewise make you sick and pollute every emotion you have. I've seen people
experience 'em both and believe me…have her pull your pubic hairs out with pliers as a first
option.

Night Court
"Guilt or innocence becomes irrelevant in the criminal trials as we flounder in a morass of
artificial rules poorly conceived and often impossible to apply."
- Warren E Burger, Chief Justice, US Supreme Court

The title of this section was taken from Michael Baisden's book Never Enough. He very
wisely points out that if your wife suspects something, you are guilty until proven innocent.
When you come in, your wife is going to give you the once over looking for the usual telltale
signs: lipstick, perfume, you smell too clean, or you smell like sex. The kinds of questions she
is asking you (open or closed) determine your level of interrogation. Open ended questions are
ones that can't be answered with a simple yes or no, and are designed to elicit as much
information as possible. Closed ended questions are normally used as a method of processing
the information gathered into a conclusion. Normally, a closed ended question can be
deflected for a while by asking open ended questions in response. The deflection can be used
as an excuse to gather more information about exactly what she is asking for, giving you more
time to think and plan a route of escape, if you haven't planned that ahead already.

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The interesting thing about being accused of or treated like you’re having an affair, is that
what your wife is saying is until she catches you things are going to go on as they are. The
other interesting thing about being constantly accused of having an affair is that after awhile it
starts looking like a really good idea. The major thing to beware of here is that you are being
setup for a messy and costly divorce because of your transgression. To a lesser degree you
need to pay attention to anything that is said more than once….possibly repeated over the
course of a few days, weeks, or even months. This is your wife's subtle way of telling you,
“I'm not positive something is going on but I'm beginning to wonder.”, or it could be her way
of saying "You’d better stop it or else…."

Fishing Expedition

“Timing has a lot to do with the success of a rain dance.”

- unknown

In the book Never Be Lied to Again, Dr. David J. Lieberman has an excellent section on how
to get the truth out of someone using 11 different attacks or approaches. He calls them silver
bullets. The whole book is filled with tips and approaches to get people to tell on themselves.
The more dangerous ones I have included here, but a thorough reading of the book with a
highlighter could prove enlightening. The Fishing Expedition is one such technique that could
undo you if it is done properly. He calls it a Direct Assumption/Shot in the Dark. It's based on,
and relies on, your ignorance about what your wife really knows. He suggests she start off
with feigning hurt emotions and then say "I've just found something out and I'm really hurt
[shocked/surprised]. I know you’re going to lie to me and try to deny it, but I just wanted you
to know that I know”. If you don't confess, the next stage for her is to state the same thing
again in a different way, to reinforce to you that she does know, and you’re just a lying
bastard while she is trying to work things out. I put these words in italics because, although
they are not direct quotes, they are the thoughts of the people involved, and what they might
say.

His stage three, Holding your ground: "I think we both know what I'm talking about. We need
to clear the air, and we can start by you talking." Stage four is more of the same. Stage five is
where she takes the fishing expedition to a whole new level of game play, and where you’re
going to fold under the pressure, if you’re going to crack at all. Stage five is called Apply
social pressure. "We were all talking about it. Everybody knows". You're going to wonder
who saw what, where, or who said what to whom. The urge to find out what is known is going
to be overwhelming…especially since "Everybody knows". You can best contend with this in
two ways. The first way is to plead to a lesser charge…confess to something far less
damaging like buying that golf membership and not telling her about it, or don't play the
game. Look at her with your head slightly tilted to the side, furrow your brow a little
(indicating puzzlement), and use either a platitude like: “You never make strong arguments
stronger, by combining them with weaker ones” or “If this situation is causing you problems,
deal with it. Don't get adversarial with me.” Use the platitude to make an analogy about what
she is doing. If she doesn't understand your meaning, you’re going to be expected to explain
it.

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Another thing you can do is say something to the effect that you don't know what she is
talking about, and unless she tells you what she is talking about you’re going to go make
yourself a ham sandwich and get a beer (ask her if she wants one…it shows you care.). Now
at this point she has about three options herself.

1. If she is smart she will have an issue she knows about and you don’t know she
knows about (even if it’s a minor one) and engage you on that. This way she
won't look like a fool by admitting she was bluffing (which is extremely rare),
or have to carry on an act that could be divisive or detrimental in the long run.
2. She can go off, pout, and act angry trying to further this game.
3. She can tell you it's not over and yes, she would like a ham sandwich and a
beer too.

The biggest, glaring and most telling factor that this game is being played on you is that there
is no factual information being presented. At some point, if a person has information they are
confident in, they will express it. You could fight fire with fire if you happen to have
information concerning something your wife has done which she hasn't told you about. You
could reverse this entire game and put her on the defensive with: "That’s interesting because I
found out something too awhile ago…do you feel like there is anything you would like to get
off of YOUR chest?".
Either way, remember:

“The whale only gets harpooned when it spouts.”

-Unknown

Outrageous

Another method Dr. Lieberman describes in his book is the Outrageous Accusation: the
theory that if they accuse you of something far worse, you will cop to the lesser thing you
have done. (Pg. 88) I say an Outrageous Accusation requires an Outrageous Confession. They
accuse you of everything possible, so confess to everything possible. You were the second
gunman on the grassy knoll, rob little old ladies’ socials of their social security checks at the
first of the month, when your wife isn't home you fuck the dog, and when she isn't looking
you even masturbate to Barbara Streisand CD's into the wax fruit bowl. If she actually
believes any of that seek Dr. Prozac.

Pleading to a Lesser Charge

When you know your wife has some damming information, you can “spin” that information
by confessing to something that holds to all of the facts in question but paints a different
picture. This is sometimes called pleading to a lesser charge. Let’s use this example from
Billy’s interview. His wife finds a pair of panties in the car that aren’t hers (believe me, she
knows EVERY pair of underwear she has), and presents them to him. He asked her “What
about them?” She tells him something along the lines that they aren’t hers and where she
found them. (She will most likely have an accusing tone in her voice as well.). Billy displays
anger and disgust when walking up to his wife. He grabs the panties out of her hand and says
“God damn it, I’m going to kill Bob.” Then turns around, “I told him not to fuck that girl in

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my car.” and walks out of the house. Reba was expecting a lot of things, but she wasn’t
expecting that to happen.

It is important to note here that “Bob” is a friend of Billy’s that Reba (Billy’s wife) does not
like. Bob also has a bit of a reputation for playing the field, so it is not very likely she will
interrogate him. (Women also tend to believe that one man will lie and the other will swear to
it on principle alone.) Also, Billy honestly did not recognize the underwear, so he didn’t have
a panic reaction, which probably helped him pull off his deception. His cover story from three
days prior could still hold water with a little filling in of the blank spots. His original cover
was that he went out to the bar with Bob. When he told this cover story to his wife, he didn’t
include much more than that. If he had given a full accounting of the evening then he could
not significantly alter the events to help him now, and it would require more memorizing in
case of later questioning.

It is true, he did go to the bar with Bob and had two beers until his mistress showed up. Then
Billy left and came back about two hours later. The cover for the underwear was that Bob
borrowed the keys to take a “friend” of his home because she had too much to drink. Billy
“told” Bob not to mess up the upholstery and tossed him the keys. In Reba's eyes, Billy was
guilty of poor judgment in loaning his car to that whore Bob, not adultery. Whether Billy’s
mistress planned to leave the underwear or not, is unknown; it does make one wonder though.
There is a danger with having friends who are having an affair or multiple relationships. If
your wife knows about their exploits and low moral character, she is going to be watching you
very closely to see if any of their bad habits are rubbing off.

The False Confession

This is a powerful entrapment tool to elicit sympathy, or as a helpful escape lie. It’s also
useful with the Plead to a Lesser Charge. You see this used in police dramas, con games, or
office games (which can be an awful lot like a con game at times). Someone suspects you of
something, and then dons the roll of a fellow traveler that once upon a time was (or still is)
involved in what you are suspected of. Police use it to appear understanding to a suspect in
regards to why they did what they did. Conmen use it to get close to you and build your trust
so they can take your cash, and people at work use it to either get leverage or gossip material
on you. It works because of the mindset described in either Maslow's third level, which is the
need we have to be loved, understood, and accepted, or to the fourth level, which is esteem
(Ego) and bragging. This person before you is confessing to something which you have done
yourself. You’re not a bad person, and you don’t think they are a bad person; you have traded
weapons so to speak. They told you something damning about themselves and you feel the
need to share something back.
The only problem in this scenario is that the weapon they gave you is holding blanks and the
one you gave them is loaded. Once given, you can't get it back. If guilt is motivating you to
want to tell someone something incriminating or derogatory about yourself, try a priest, a
therapist, or a lawyer, someone who is bound by some legal or recognized ethic to not tell on
you.

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Passive/Aggressive

All too often women, and men for that matter, can't directly retaliate when they become angry
with someone, so their anger tends to come out in sneaky or non-direct ways that might seem
innocent enough, but are actually displays of abject anger. Some ways that passive-aggressive
anger might be manifested are the use of snide remarks or humor as a weapon (If I had sex
anymore infrequently I could qualify as a nun); accidental destruction of various things (I was
dusting and…well, you know your Elvis over Graceland commemorative plate?); purposeful
forgetting (Was I supposed to pick you up at the airport today?); taking an exorbitant amount
of time to do things (Sure honey I'll make you a sandwich…20 minutes later her nails still
aren’t dry). You may also notice the quality of your dinners go down as well as the
housecleaning. It’s difficult for a person to maintain what is considered normal behavior when
they have other things in the back of their mind.

If she suspects that you are having an affair and feels helpless to do anything about it, she may
display her anger, frustration, and feelings of helplessness this way. Passive-Aggressive
behavior is hard to confront, because it is usually denied or pawned off on another problem
that has nothing to do with a real problem. In which case, you are left to deduce the problem
and come up with a remedy on your own. Passive-Aggressive behavior can also be a bid for
attention because she feels neglected or insecure. The obvious solution for this is to do what
she needs to feel loved and wanted.

There are other ways your wife or significant other can punish you tremendously. Normally
how women do this is financially. I know what most of you are thinking, "No Otto it’s
sexually", to this I say it is secondary, she has lost the ability to punish you sexually because
you have a mistress. So if she suspects that you are having an affair, you also might want to
closely monitor credit card receipts, shopping trips, new bags in the house, bags being thrown
away, or something along that line.

Monitoring the garbage is a very good way to find out what goes in and out of your house.
She probably knows this too. If she starts taking out the garbage herself, or if you threw
something out two days ago and it has suddenly surfaced to the top of the trash bag, you had
better believe she thinks she is going to find something of an incriminating nature there. An
even better way to monitor garbage is with a daily paper. By throwing away the daily paper in
a specific way it is possible to determine when a piece of garbage was thrown away. If the
layers are disturbed heavily then something was probably intentionally buried to keep prying
eyes away, OR someone has been searching the garbage for “clues”.

Missed the Mark…Again!

If you find yourself not meeting your destination leave times, ask yourself why. Is there
something that you're doing to delay yourself, or is it something that she's doing to delay you?
The answer could be rather surprising and necessary to pay attention to in the future. Your
schedule is probably not rife with free time, so everything you do must conform to a particular
timeline…of course you know that the later you are to destinations like say, home, the more
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awareness you bring to your personal habits. You don't need this kind of risk. If you are being
delayed, it’s ultimately your own fault. If your mistress is to trying to cause delays, you need
to seriously consider limiting, or eliminating altogether, the relationship.
Telemarketer Tattletales

Ok this one might just floor you a bit. Did you know that depending on which hotel you use,
the hotel will probably tell on you? Not directly of course but damn close. The Cendant
Corporation (who I tried to contact over 30 times) is the parent to such franchise entities as
Ramada Inn, Ramada Plaza Resorts, Super 8, Knights Inn, Wingate Inn, Travel Lodge,
Howard Johnson, Days Inn and Amerihost Inn, and has a discernable interest in Avis car
rental. The company spent something like 75 million dollars to put this system in place, so it's
not going to go away anytime soon. They also mentioned (the few people I could actually get
to talk) that they could have possibly gotten names off a credit card or credit card application.
Remember back in the computer section, when I said that companies want to know everything
about you? Well, they spend a lot of money to do it, and they don’t just sit on the information.
They call you, or in the case of the ACCOR Corporation which is the parent of franchise
entities Formule 1, Ibis, Red Roof Inn, Mercure, Novotel, Studio 6 and other hotel chains, you
might get a nice card at your home address thanking you for your business. If your wife gets a
call or card, I am told that if she pushes hard enough they have to give her information, like
when you stayed and where. There is a small bit of hope left for your privacy if you stay with
one of the Carlson Hotel franchises: Radisson, Country Inns and Suites, Regent, and Park Inn
and Plaza Hotels. According to their home office, they do not betray the personal information
and confidences of their guests.

Time-share companies are another MAJOR marketer that can trip you up. They are the ones
that want you to fill out those "Win a Car", "Win a 56in Color Television", or "Win a
Vacation" slips and then call you later on. If you or your mistress fills one of these out you are
going to get a call…bet on it. It might even be worse if your mistress fills it out in your name,
and you told your wife that you were going to be in Bolivia that week. If you must patronize
one of the hotels in the spy network, don't give them your information, give them your
mistress’s or better yet, give them all wrong information.

Menstrual Matching

Did you know that the scent from one woman can affect the menstrual cycle of another? Of
course, other factors from stress to illness could also affect it, but studies conducted by
Winnifred Cutler, Ph.D. showed that the pheromones secreted by one woman could alter the
menstrual cycle of another. This is something I also noticed by chance during interviews for
this book. One man complained that his wife's cycle changed and now his mistress and her
were "bleeding at the same time.” Dr. Martha McKlintock confirmed, in 1998, that certain
chemicals in sweat were messengers, and that they indeed tend to synchronize the menstrual
cycle of women in proximity to each other. I found out anecdotally that this can, in some
cases, also occur where the man is the only link between the wife and mistress. The man in
these cases seems to be the chemical courier between the two women, because if she's not
sweating during sex, then I'm reasonably certain that he’s not doing something right, or he has
probably broken a few necrophilia laws in his home state. Moreover, the pheromones have an
enduring effect which can last at least week or more. Whether or not this occurs more
frequently in cases of unprotected sex between the trio, or if unprotected sex has a greater
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reaction, I can't answer, but you might also want to be aware of your own reactions to
pheromones.

A study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin showed that the pheromones released
by women when they are ovulating make the women appear more sexually desirable than
when they are less fertile. I am unsure whether something as subtle a change in the menstrual
cycle would garner the recognition of your wife, but if this is indeed occurring it might be
evidence for a chemical signal, or a psychological cue that could make your wife suspicious. I
don't know for certain that women can make that deduction on a conscious level, but women
usually pay close attention to their monthly cycles, so it might be something for you to pay
attention to as well. It would be interesting to see some research in this area.

It would also be interesting to see what the evolutionary psychologists theorize is the
biological benefit from having the menstrual cycles of all of the women in the tribe
synchronized. A few of the theories suggested to me thus far are that when multiple women
were pregnant and gave birth at about the same time, if one of the babies were orphaned
during childbirth, then other women would be able to wet nurse the child because there would
be enough lactating women. Another theory posed to me is that it might make it easier for
nomadic tribes to plan group movements in anticipation of the needs of oncoming multiple
births, whereas they might be less inclined to stop or try to be in certain areas if only one
woman was about to give birth. It might also have to do with cuckolding or confusing the
lines of heredity so that the child would be cared for regardless of what happened to the
primary parent; the child might belong to another male.

Quick Review

Things a man never wants to hear himself saying:

* What do you mean you're pregnant?

- should have used that condom
* You've got what?
- wished you would have used that condom, right?
* You want to put that where?
- make sure there is a condom on it…it helps
* It's just a cold sore?
- that’s a “body condom” situation
* What do you mean you lost the keys to the cuffs?
- condoms don’t matter where cuffs are concerned
* What do you mean a blow job's extra?
- you know you should be using a condom right?
* She looks eighteen to me officer.
- pray they issue lubricated condoms in prison

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General Mistakes

One thing that tends to happen during an affair, or shortly thereafter, is you start wanting or
expecting your spouse to perform those wonderful things that your mistress is performing. In
effect, you're trying to change or spice up your sex life so you don't necessarily have to have
the affair. This may work, depending on how comfortable you are about asking for those
sexual favors from your wife, which your mistress delivers. So in effect, what you end up
doing is retraining your wife to be your mistress. This can backfire if your wife wants to know
where you got the idea that she should be in green fishnets and black high heels with a gold
lamĕ belt, when two weeks before you would have thought the word lamĕ was the French
description for the fifth calendar month.

Another risk you run into when trying to mix wife and mistress is a loss of factual detail
identification. It's like asking your wife to wear the turquoise lace panties under her blue
strapless dress, and then realizing she doesn't own either item. Of course, you can always try
to blame it on HBO's Sex in the City, or say it was something you saw on a Las Vegas show
girl, but you thought it would look better on your wife. Similar to this is seeing a movie with
your mistress and trying to discuss the details about the movie with your wife. If you’re going
to see the movie…see it with your wife first, then see it with your girlfriend. The same goes
for events. Do it with your wife first, and then with your mistress, that way you won't have
memories that can slip out when you can’t reasonably expect to cover them.

Smelling too clean can be a dead give away; after a long day of work you shouldn't smell like
you’re ready to go to the Governor’s Ball. If you keep some slightly used gym cloths in the
car, you can keep them close to you and try to absorb the smells onto your current clothing.
Another way to mask smells is with unleaded gasoline and it’s a very good reason to shower
when you get home too.

One wife was tipped off that her husband was going places he probably ought not to be, when
she casually asked him where he had been, he replied that he hadn't been anyplace all day.
The problem was that his car hood was still warm to the touch when she got home. If someone
asks you a question you’re not sure about, ask them “Why do you ask?” Assess the response
and generalize your answer to suit.

Another interesting bit of information about your car that can let your wife know where you
go in a general sense, is she can keep track of the difference in mileage on your car before you
leave and after you get home. Divide that in half from your declared destination and you have
how far out of the way you went. When the excess mileage is again divided in half, she will
have a general sense of where your mistress lives from your regular route. In different counter
terrorism manuals they suggest going home by different routes. It makes it harder to anticipate
you movements, it makes it hard to tail you, and it makes it harder to set a trap for you. Make
sure you vary time and speed as well.
Another give away is your key ring, if you have extra keys that don't go to anything at the
house or work it raises a question mark or three. It's also not a good idea to borrow your
mistress’s car and say it’s a loaner from a buddy at work. Depending on the state, if your wife
gets a license tag number of someone she suspects you of sleeping with, she can run down her
home address by going to the Department of Motor Vehicles and spending about ten dollars.
Remember hard evidence should be HARD to come by.
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Depending on your sexual activity, you need to be aware of some of the things you can bring
home with you without realizing it. Depending on which “Lips” you have been French
kissing, men who have mustaches and beards probably already know that the flavor saver
above your lip is a little difficult to get smells out of, this goes for the beard as well. This can
be somewhat remedied if you smoke cigarettes or a pipe (that Surgeon General's Warning
doesn't mean quite so much now does it?). Beer or scotch will work in a pinch dabbed on the
hair (cops love that by the way), or you can go for the repulse tactic and eat garlic or onions. I
don't usually suggest going for the breath mints as an attempt to smell better, it can initiate
suspicion in your wife. Better to go the troglodyte route. Since men usually get dressed up to
go out and play, she is going to wonder where you have been playing if you come in smelling
better than when you left, or chewing breath mints when you usually don't. There is an
exception to this that you may want to try…if you’re up to it. ALTOIDS and other strong
mints can be used as a sexual tool or toy. If you're up for playing with your wife's toy box,
you can tell her that you are just trying to get used to their flavor, so you can try something
new she might like you heard about at the club/office/poker party (note: not a "poke her"
party). Put the ALTOID in your mouth and start slowly licking the kitty…it should (in
theory) be purring in no time.
Hair is another problem, besides hair on your clothing, or worse yet in your clothing or
underwear (you can't explain it away as a twelve inch pubic hair). Your lover’s hair can get
entangled in your necklace, watchband or even woven into the hair of your own beard. The
only real solution to this problem, besides a close inspection of your clothing before you
leave, is to take your clothing off and place it under a clean towel to protect it from stray
material, if you have that kind of convenience. In lieu of that, you can always date bald
women, or men for that matter.
When you go on a out of town trip with your mistress and you take photos in front of a
Picasso, at an aquarium, or other monuments, remember that you might have to explain "Who
was holding the camera?" A common excuse is that you asked someone to take a picture for
you, but in certain instances that excuse isn't going to work. Like a picture of you at the
window of the hotel room pointing out to the wonderful view you had.

Pay attention to an unexpectedly desperate hug or kiss; these denote that something large and
emotional is about to occur. If you are not prepared to handle this, it is going to cause you
sorrow and grief.

After you have slept with someone there are normally changes in demeanor that range from
subtle to extremely observable shifts in personality. If you are the boss of the person who is
using your dick to stir her morning coffee, she might start to feel more confident about
throwing her weight around with her peers. This is a frequent tip off to other office personnel.
It is also the basis for a sexual harassment suit that will leave you feeling fucked for months, if
not years, to come. Needless to say, not in a good way, unless you like being the focus of legal
scrutiny, and the wellspring of office jokes such as: "He got his pencil stuck in the sharpener,
and all he has left is the eraser"; or "He got kissed the first time, blown the second, fucked the
third, and screwed the forth."; or "Yeah put a quarter in his cup, that’s the guy who USED to
work here."

In a situation where your mistress is more familiar with your wife, she may become
uncomfortable with displays of affection from your wife, or excuse herself when such
displays are made. A slightly more obvious signal to your wife that you’re having an affair
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with someone she knows is the signature Glen Close indicator: the cooking of the family pet.
This usually induces a powerful genetic urge in your wife (or so I have been told) to spray
paint obscenities on your car, and to pull out a single tooth near the bottom of the zipper on all
of your clothing.
As I said before, phones, cell phones and pagers are major sources of information for people
snooping into your activities. In the book Gotcha, by Wirsche & Milot, they point out that the
phone number of your mistress is going to be the one just before and/or after a call to the
home number. Why? Because you are doing schedule checking, and either clearing up blocks
of time, or identifying the restrictions. If you are calling from your home phone and your wife
requests an itemized phone bill, she can locate suspicious numbers and cross reference them
to a name. This takes less than 15 minutes. Also, pager codes can be a give away. These are
special messages to you, meant to be interpreted by you and to have a certain significance.
Communication is an essential element in maintaining an affair, and the information trail you
leave can be as damning as a confession.
If you have video or camera equipment, it might be a good idea to keep an eye on it and to see
if it moves at all. If your wife is doing her own investigation, or having a friend of hers do it
for her, she isn't likely to buy new equipment. The human tendency is to use what is on hand.

I know I shouldn't have to say this but I'm going to anyway, NEVER let anyone know how
well you can lie. It's much like the magician revealing his secrets or finding out that Kermit
actually has a hand shoved up his…back. Once people know how good you are at it, trust,
when you need it, is going to go wanting like a methadone user without bus fare.

Here is an oldie but a goodie, you come home late and quietly try to slide into bed without
your wife knowing…why bother? Get a beer and watch television, then fall asleep there. If
you do try to get into bed don't act like a thief in the night, act like you would any other night.
Sigh a lot and mutter to yourself.

Here is another one most men don’t tend to pay attention to: the longer your hair is the longer
it stays wet. No problem if you live in an area where you can claim a rainstorm or a mugging
by Aquaman. If you don't and go to a room at the no-tell motel without a hairdryer, your hair
is going to give you away by being conspicuously wet when you get home.

Don’t play guessing games with callers even if you are reasonably sure who you are talking
to. One gentleman's wife called the office and disguised her voice (she said she had a sore
throat later on.). He asked "Who is this?" She replied "I'll give you 3 guesses.". You guessed it
(I hope). Since it was not his wife's habit to do such things (or hadn't been in quite a few
years), he went off talking sexy to his wife thinking it was his mistress. He might have gotten
away with it too because he didn't use a real name, he guessed things like “Kathleen Turner”
and “Pamela Anderson”. He blew it when his wife said something he recognized and his voice
immediately changed.

If you're having an affair with a co-worker, last minute interludes in the parking lot are not a
good thing if you're trying to keep it quiet and out of the office. Office buildings have
windows, they also have people going in and out all day long. You don't know who knows
what about who.

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Traceable evidence such leaving movie, park, or theater ticket stubs in your pocket is a great
way to get caught as well. It is a subconscious action to take the ticket stubs and put them in
your pocket, after the ticket taker has ripped them in half for you and pointed out the direction
you need to go.

Another aspect of evidence that infers guilt, or at the very least deception, is weather. One
gentleman got caught because of the sunburn he got at the beach while he was supposed to be
working.
Crumbling the House of Cards
The stress and pressure is coming at you from both sides. Both of your relationships seem like
more work than either of them are worth, or perhaps you are feeling a strong motivating love
for the extra woman in your life, and your emotions have you so tied up inside that you could
spit a noose to hang yourself with. Take a moment to yourself and don't do anything rash.

If you are planning on leaving your wife for your mistress, and do not want to reveal the
affair, sit your wife down and tell her, “I'm not happy and I don't know what to do about it. I
know I can't figure it out here. I was thinking about moving out for awhile." Also, if you are
going to leave your wife, don't tell your mistress. Do it first and then tell her about it later, or
you're probably going to be pressured to make decisions you might regret later. I strongly
recommend you do not move in with your mistress. For one thing it does not look good at
divorce proceedings, should they occur, and if you really want to have time to clear your head
and get a fix on what you really want, I recommend that you get your own place. Do not move
in with your mistress. (As a side note here, if you’re not much of a cook and want a little help
in that area, you can pick up a copy of Burnt Offerings: Guerilla Gastronomy by Grace Ann
Neff, for a few bucks, or go online to burntofferings.ws, so you won’t starve.)

Let your wife know where you’re living in case of emergencies. If you want to spend time
with your mistress do it at her place. If you want to have sex with your wife do it at home not
the new apartment. This is your place to choose what you really want, a way station at the
fork in the road: the path for the rest of your life, unsoiled by memories, pressures, and
persuasions. The reason I suggest this is simple, you need to know what it’s going to be like
for real if you do leave permanently and it doesn't work out. If you are up to it, I would
recommend not having sex with either of them until you decide what you are going to do. It
helps to clear the mind and separate the emotions from the truth.

Remember, decide what it is that you really want. It's your life, make the decisions you can
live with.

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 If You Are Discovered
&
Termination of Affair Procedures

“Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord” but I will feel like God for a day"
--Annie

Bilbo said to Golem in J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit " I am Mr. Bilbo Baggins, I've lost my
dwarves, my wizard, and my way." It is a sentiment shared by many a man when all he knew
and all he thought he knew was taken away. If you have been discovered and your world now
stands in a state of flux, the chaos and uncertainty can be as painful as a physical torment. It is
now crunch time and you are going to need to make some simple decisions. I say simple
because for all the psychobabble and pretense, what you are going to face in the beginning is a
series of either/or decisions. Once the basic set of decisions is made you will then need to
learn the hows; that is the place for therapy or family counseling. The following are some of
the either/or decisions you are going to make. Your wife will be making her own either/or
decisions. True, your wife's decisions may counter your own, but you need to be clear in your
own mind what you want and what you are going to do.

* Either you are going to leave your wife or you are not.
Choosing to stay with your wife is the more common choice among adulterous men. Since the
affair is more often than not a supplement to the primarily relationship, the odds are better
with making the primary relationship work than trying to establish a substantive relationship
with the mistress. This decision also means that you are going to have to deal with the in-law
issues, the kids issue, the guilt and anger issues, the possible retaliatory issues, the mistrust
issues, and the healing issues.

* Either you are going to leave your lover or you are not.
Some men elect to leave the wife for the mistress either to follow the fantasies which they
have themselves been harboring, or perhaps they just cannot or do not want to go back to the
marriage. This is a difficult decision to make, and is when the reality of who you and your
mistress both are will come out. While you are going through the divorce your mistress will
probably be supportive of you, believing that what she has dreamed about is in the process of
coming true. Part of the difficulty in choosing your mistress is that she knows your less-than-
honest self. Deceiving her will be more difficult if you choose to have another affair, and even
normal behavior like working late will be viewed with greater suspicion. These are some of
the reasons that relationships from affairs typically don't work. Frequently men try to put the
affair on simmer, with the possibility of reheating it later on, when the hot water they are in
currently cools down.

* Either you are going to concede to your wife's demands or you are not.
Your wife is going to feel angry and hurt, and will have a list of demands and rules that you
will need to comply with, or put the marriage at risk. They are not usually rules that are up for
discussion : "You're never to see that bitch ever again."; "I want a minute by minute account
of your day."; and "No more fucking fishing trips!". One woman went so far as to have her
husband put ten thousand dollars into her bank account so she could hire an investigator if she

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so desired…took him awhile but he did it. She might also stipulate that you have to wear a
CB-2000 (see section below).

* Either you are going to reveal everything or you are not.

Some therapists say that this is the time to reveal any and all affairs that you have ever had.
More importantly, to reveal how you had them. “Exposing the details (of the affair) makes it
less possible for the infidel to become involved in another affair without the spouse's
knowledge.” Patterns of Infidelity (Pg. 93 ). It is not generally recommended to go into the
graphic details of the sexual acts themselves. Drawing pictures in your wife's mind about how
your mistress’s blow jobs differ from hers will probably remind her of your affair every time
you want her to go down on you…on the other hand it will make for heated bedroom
dialogue…and maybe a serious bite mark or two.

You have two choices if you are discovered and leaving is not an option. You can let her vent,
and holler and rant, if that is what she is apt to do until she is all spent, then begin to talk
about the future, or you can use Self Criticism as a way to deflate an attack against you. Dale
Carnegie in How to Win Friends and Influence People makes a good point…"If you’re wrong,
admit it." The mindset of people is that when they feel righteous over you (and if you get
caught she is going to feel pretty righteous), they will vent to their moral satisfaction. Blunt
the edge of their sword by striking first, it shows that you understand the gravity of the
situation, the consequences of your actions, and that you take responsibility for what you have
done; most importantly that you know you were wrong. An example follows: “Honey, I know
what I did was selfish and wrong. It betrayed the trust you placed in me, and you will never
look at me in the same way again. I know I have hurt you deeply, and that nothing I can say
can take away that hurt. There is no excuse for it. I placed my own desires above that of you
and our family, it will never happen again, and I'm truly sorry.” You can add more if you wish
but I believe you get the point. This not only works with your wife, but can also work in many
other situations as well.

After the discovery of an affair, when she has had a chance to cool down a bit, if she still
wants to continue the relationship she will try to help you find an excuse to explain why you
had the affair. They might range from blaming the other women, to blaming herself, because
those problems are much more easily dealt with than the more frightening reality that the
whole relationship was a mistake, and that all those years were wasted.
Did you know you can be stolen? Not kidnapped, stolen, and it's not even your fault, it’s the
other person you’re having sex with; it's their fault. Don't believe me? Well apparently the
courts seem to think so. Instead of making you return to the offended party there is a little law
that you might be unaware of called alienation of affection. Nine states still have the law on
the books, and one case resulted in a one million dollar award in Graham, N.C. (I can hear the
thump of the Bible from here). You leave your wife for your mistress, your wife gets upset
and sues your mistress (not you, she cleans you out in the divorce.) for alienation of affection.
It was HER fault, not the result of problems at home, or the interpersonal problems between
you and your wife. I'm not even sure your opinion really counts, you are the property that was
lost. Kind of makes you wonder if you offered to keep "servicing" your wife if the law would
apply. Ahhh, but then they get you for prostitution or some kind of common law bigamy…it
is North Carolina after all.

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Pain Causes Pain

One human constant is that people in pain have the desire to cause or inflict pain, and not
necessarily on the person who causes it. In your case, it will probably be directed towards you
(ain't love grand?). Just remember that she is going to be going through a welling of emotion
that will need to be vented. Usually, it is turned toward the person perceived as causing the
hurt, sometimes the mistress, but it usually gets redirected towards the true source, amplified
through feelings of embarrassment, an invasion of privacy, and betrayal. If it gets too bad, you
can follow the advise from Doug King's book The Emergency Disaster Survival Guide
(Chapter 15, Pg. 31), "Try Praying: many people have reported miracles happening through
prayer." I'm willing to bet you will be looking for a miracle.

Buyer’s Remorse
This is what you feel when you buy something of low quality that’s three times the price of
the top dollar item. OR when you leave your wife for your mistress, only to discover she was
once a man named Ralph, who use to be the greens keeper at the clubhouse and really doesn't
like to give head as much he used to. This happens a lot in affairs that lead to the split up of
the marriage, and is partially why less that five percent of relationships springing from
adulterous liaisons succeed and prosper.
A Glimpse Through Her Eyes

Some wives handle affairs better than others. Some wives deal with it in a fairly healthy way
and try to either repair the rift, or part from the relationship and go on. In other cases, the
affair will hit the wife like a bomb going off. This will cause stress and trauma as her view of
what she thought she knew to be true is discolored and bleeds into virtually all other aspects
of her consciousness and self-esteem. Generally speaking, two main factors will govern the
impact the revelation of the affair will have.

The first factor deals with how naïve she is about the possibility that an affair could or might
happen. The second factor is the level of emotional investment she has put into the
relationship. Women, more so than men, tend to abdicate (or invest) part of their own
independence and self image into the new paradigm of marriage. Men get to keep their last
name, whereas most women modify or completely change theirs. Men are not expected to
have to give up, delay, or change careers if children are desired. Men may or may not be
expected to wear wedding rings, which is a cultural given with women. Men don’t generally
move to accommodate a wife’s job, and many of a woman’s personal desires are subjugated
to her husband’s wishes.

This is illustrated by an example in After the Affair by Janis Spring Ph.D. and Michael Spring
(Pg. 10). After Larry told his wife (Marsha) that he was leaving her for the babysitter her
thoughts were, “This couldn’t be happening to us, we’re the perfect couple.” Marsha probably
never realized that every marriage and relationship is vulnerable to the possibility of an affair
at one time or another. For her, affairs were probably something that happened to other
people…not her and Larry. She was so invested in the relationship that the revelation
devastated her self-image and confidence to the point where she questioned her ability “to
practice therapy, parent a child, or deserve a decent partner…”

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Estimating the damage the revelation is going to cause, and its probability for repair and
growth, can normally be measured with those two indicators. How you decide to use the
information is up to you. Dr. Spring also goes on to note that, “The greatest threat to recovery
is the loss of hope itself.”…so keep hope alive. Keep open communication and express your
wishes for the marriage to survive. Tell her that you love her, and that you want to things to
get better. Also, seek therapy if you feel the situation has grown beyond your and your wife's
ability to cope and constructively deal with the situation.

Counseling

This is a difficult time for both you and your wife, and probably your mistress too. I don't
believe it's a good idea for all three of you to attend counseling together, it gets pretty messy.
Rather you and your wife should probably attend counseling, and let your mistress seek her
own. The book, Patterns of Infidelity by Emily M. Brown (Pg.19), discusses the standard
sequence of events in an affair starting with Creating the Climate (for the affair), moving on
to the later stages of The Affair, Revelation of the Affair, Crisis, Rebuilding, and finally
Forgiveness.

The book goes further into some important points to reflect upon:

* "Discovery of the affair often turns out to be validation rather than new information" This is
usually because the man has gotten either lazy or sloppy in conducting an affair (Pg. 25).

* “The revelation (of the affair) may be made at home, but those in therapy generally prefer
the safety and structure of the therapy session.” A sympathetic nonjudgmental ear is a nice
thing to have mediating these discussions. A therapist can also offer therapeutic advice
and suggestions for how to conduct yourselves during this difficult time (Pg. 69).

* "The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable" Sometimes more truth
than poetry (Pg. 73).

* “Additional secrets such as other affairs, arrests, or the like must be revealed during the
crisis phase.” This step (in theory) allows the offending party to be completely honest and
to start off the relationship with a clean slate. It also allows the wife to be able to evaluate
all of the information and to make her judgments and decisions on a solid foundation. If
any further discoveries or lies are exposed at a later time it will damage the healing
process by injecting doubt into what was supposed to be the truth (Pg.93).

Excuses
Explanations are not Excuses and Excuses are not Explanations.

While excuses and explanations may work well together, and sometimes interchangeably,
they are NOT the same by way of end result. Excuses in this situation are an exercise in trying
to remove blame from yourself. You can try to do this by blaming your mistress for seducing
you, the alcohol, claim that you have been feeling scared and the affair was a poor solution to
145
that feeling, or some other plausible (to you) excuse. A successful excuse tends to absolve you
of some, if not all of the blame, and possibly the associated guilt, if you can believe the excuse
as well.

An interesting factoid; People who give excuses also tend to repeat the offence after a certain
amount of time, as opposed to the people who accept full blame for the situation.

Explanations
Explanations tend to be more honest, as they are an attempt to lay out, in no uncertain terms,
“what happened and why” to the best of your understanding.

While every situation is different, most women that I have talked with say they would rather
have the explanation than the excuse. Explanations will also get you further in resolving
whatever problems are present in your marriage, if you plan on trying to salvage it.

Apology
An apology will go a long way in trying to get your marriage back together, but the trick
is…you have to mean it, or it will come back to haunt you like a failed airport security policy.
If you are truly remorseful about doing something, it means that you’re going to try to never
do it again, not just bandage the wound so you don’t have to look at it.

The CB-2000 solution

WHAT IS A CB-2000? you ask. It's a male chastity belt, apparently what all of the male
adulterers are going to be wearing in the new millennium ( i.e., the 2000s), or if they get
caught what they are going to be wearing for the millennium. This might be the most extreme
of measures, but since your promises of monogamy no longer carry the weight they once did,
and the trust between you and your wife is in ashes, this might be an option to help rebuild
that trust The CB-2000 is a well made, expensive, plastic cage with a lock on it for your best
friend (no, not the dog). It prevents masturbation, "inappropriate" erections, and of course
infidelity. It does promote (according to the manufacturer) increased penile girth, and I would
imagine lots of cash payments to an understanding locksmith. If you think I'm kidding about
this, go to the website cb-2000.com I recommend going to this site, if for nothing else other
than just to read the Benefits of Male Chastity section. It's a rare gift the author has to make
this seem like a good idea. I'll bet the person who wrote that could very well be the mouse that
belled the cat.

The CB-2000 also has plastic locks for the business traveler, this way you can make it through
the airport metal detector without having to explain why a space age modern art polymer is
attached to your package. If John Bobbit had been wearing one of these, his wife would have
had a much more difficult time separating him from his childhood toy.

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Termination of the affair

In Secret Lovers (Pg.152), Dr. Linquist cites one of the most effective and understandable
reasons to give for ending the affair, and that is to "recommit to wife and family." This is best
when used in conjunction with a significant event such as an illness or death (even the
dog…yes this is an actual example).

Another example from Secret Lovers (Pg.151) is Dave and his mistress. She told Dave she
had met someone and he said, " I knew it come to this someday, and even though it hurts me,
I'm very happy for you."

The breakup went well because he had previously laid the groundwork by telling her more
frequently that he loved her but it (the affair) wasn't fair to her, and that he was afraid that one
day she would hate him because he couldn't give her the family she wanted. Whether his
actions were calculated or genuine is anyone's guess, but not really germane for what you
need to know.

The anatomy of the breakup is as follows:

At the onset of the breakup he repeats the phrases below more frequently; the dynamics look
like this:

1. It isn't fair to her: No one likes being the bad guy so he takes on this role. It's his fault,
he subtly asks for her forgiveness in step 2.
2. He is afraid that she will grow to hate him: As long as you’re on good terms with your
mistress her natural response to this is going to be the opposite, because you’re
showing concern for her and her feelings, followed by step 3.
3. He can never give her the family she wants: This is a powerful statement. It says I'm
never leaving my wife, so there is no future for us beyond our current capacity, and if
you stay with me you will never have the children and home you want. It forces her to
look at her life and at what she needs and wants.
These three statements strung together and repeated often will shatter any illusions and will
herald the beginning of the end of the affair. You can add to this effect by talking positively
about your wife more frequently in front of, or to your mistress, and by starting to make
excuses to be home earlier than usual.
In all likelihood using this strategy will make you a man whose mistress is not going to turn
on him and try to destroy his life. You don’t want a situation where your mistress feels like
this lady did: "I felt like tearing up his picture into itty bitty pieces, spitting on it and burying
it in the backyard…in the spot where I know my dog Lucky pees most often."

Another method frequently utilized to terminate an affair is to increase the amount of time
between your meetings and to shorten the time spent together. This has the effect of
dampening emotions, and any lingering hopes. When suggestions are made about the next
time you will get together the response should be a vague. People do not typically like having
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that type of question mark in their plan of events, as it tends to interfere with making solid
commitments to things they may want to do. Suggest that she give you a call in the next week
or so to see how your schedule looks. What you are trying to do is shift the burden of
maintaining the affair away from yourself and on to her. After awhile it will probably become
more trouble for her than it's worth.

The quickest way to terminate an affair is to tell your mistress that your wife has discovered
you are having the affair, but she doesn't know WHO with, and you are terminating it to
protect her. You might also throw in there that you are starting family counseling next week.

One very important thing for you to remember: You are taking her time (precious and
irreplaceable), especially if it’s a long term affair. Don't let her feel it was a WASTE of time.

The Last Word

"The senses of man are such that if they did not override his memory, or imagination,
he would live in them forever."
-- Jason C. Paul

The information, philosophies, and tactics contained in these pages are indeed some of the
most useful and powerful things you may ever learn. They have shaped nations and
civilizations all the way back into the fog of pre-history. It would be wise of you to not abuse
them. I wholeheartedly believe in the reap what you sow maxim, and the Wiccan do no harm
mentality. All too often, I have seen people use these new found skills to their own detriment
and demise. They loose everything they have, and fervently pray and plead just to get back
some of what they once had.

There are no jokes here, I am very serious with this warning and have pressed the point
several times throughout the book. Nothing else will bring you down harder, faster, or more
violently than your ego. You are not a victim anymore. You will, with practice, be a skilled
and formidable warrior able to wreak havoc and devastation, or be able to defend the things
you hold most dear. It is as it has always been: your choice. The difference now is your level
of competence. Treat the people you love with the respect they deserve, because while it is
basically true that people will treat you how you allow them to treat you, it is also true that if
you treat people better than they expect to be treated they will reward you with the treasures
and pleasures of friendship, appreciation, and gratitude.

Be wise.

Be safe.

Otto M.

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149
Contributions

Whether you are a woman who has been cheated on, or a man who is having an affair, if you
have experiences from your own life that you believe may benefit others, please contact me at
[email protected]. I will review it for the next volume, or possibly place it on the
website at www.cheatmanual.com. Of course, your anonymity will be protected.

Letters and contributions can be sent to:

Otto Mendalsmirsh
ICO/ Dead Dog Publishing
P.O. Box 65435
Virginia Beach, VA 23467-5435

Please no explosive, biological, or incendiary devices please. Postal carriers frown on this, as
well as most recipients, including myself.

- Otto M.

Suggested Reading List

The following books are highly recommended reading material due to their superior content
and presented material. I have read many different things across a variety of fields, and want
to present to you the best of what I have discovered. I understand that it takes a lot of time to
wade through a sea of books that promise everything from better health to personal
conversations with God to find something useful. So with the idea in mind of not wasting your
time, I have included here some of what I believe to be the best resources for self-
improvement. I hope you get at least as much out of them as much as I did. Happy reading.

Anni Adkins & Joe Hoover. Secrets of Top Private Eyes. Professional Investigator's Course.
www.Howtoinvestigate.com
If you have ever wanted to know how these guys do what they do, here is a course that can
show you how it's done.

Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends & Influence People.

This book is a classic for effective methods in dealing with people in all types of situations.

John Chaffee. Thinking Critically.

Chaffee addresses effective methods of dealing with situations and understanding the
processes of critical thought and argument.

Nicholas Chapman. How to have the "Perfect Secret Affair"

IF you can find this book, it is an excellent resource for further study.

Paul Ekman. Telling Lies: Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, And Marriage
This work is impressive in both its depth and insight as to how and why people lie.

150
Suzette Haden Elgin. The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense.
A five star book on how to deal with verbal abuse, traps, and emotional extortion.

Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider. The Rules.

As I said before, this is the best male manipulation manual I have ever read, bar none.

Kerry L. Johnson. Subliminal Selling Skills.

A very good book for the basic understanding of personality types, and how to deal with
them.

David J. Lieberman, Ph.D. Never be Lied to Again.

Get Anyone to DO Anything And Never Feel Powerless Again.
An excellent author with zero disappointment in the useful and powerful information
presented.

Dr Luann Linquist. Secret Lovers.

A very in-depth book on adultery and suggested methods of dealing with it.

John Nolan. Confidential Uncover your competitor's Top Business Secrets legally and quickly
- and protect your own.
I can not possibly praise this book enough for its understanding and application of the
psychological principles that expose and exploit the soft underbellies we all have.

Jim Pickens. The Closers.

This book is considered to be the salesman's Bible. It is a great education awaiting you.

Sun Tzu. The Art Of War.

This ought to be mandatory reading by ALL politicians and military personnel…and anyone
else who doesn't want to lose in a given conflict.

Zig Ziglar. Zig Ziglar's Secrets Of Closing Sales.

What The Closers doesn't teach you, this book probably covers.

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 Bibliography
Allan, Nick & Rosie Allen. 101Ways to your Husband's / Wife's Heart. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1995
Anderson, Kingdon Peter. Undercover Operations A Manual for the Private Investigator. New York, NY:
Carol Publishing Group, 1990.
Baisden, Michael. Never Satisfied How & Why Men Cheat. Schaumburg, IL: Legacy Publishing Company
Inc,1995.
Brown, Emily M. Patterns Of Infidelity And Their Treatment. 2nd ed. Philadelphia, PA: Brunner-Routledge,
2001.
Brown, Hero. "Trust Us! 20 sure signs He's a Cheater" Woman's Own May 1998: 48.
Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends & Influence People. New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1981.
Chaffee, John. Thinking Critically. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Company, 1996.
Chapman, Nicholas. How to have the "Perfect Secret Affair" Copyright, 1997.
Clinard, Marshall B. & Robert F. Meier. Sociology of Deviant Behavior. 7th ed. Orlando, FL: Holt, Rinehart,
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Cowan, Dr. Connell & Gail Parent The Art of War for Lovers. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Trade, 1998.
Davis, Donn M. Survival Skills For the Modern Man. Chicago, IL: Contemporary Books, 1998.
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1960.
Douglas, John. & Mark Olshaker. The Anatomy of Motive. New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1999.
Ekman, Paul. Telling Lies Clues to Deceit in the Marketplace, Politics, And Marriage. New York, NY: W.W.
Norton & Company, Inc. 1985.
Elgin, Suzette Haden The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. New York, NY: Dorset Press, 1980.
Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider. The Rules For Marriage. New York, NY: Warner Books, 2001.
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Faron, Fay. Rip-Off A writer's guide to crimes of deception. Cincinnati OH: F & W Publications, Inc, 1998
Fisher, Roger & William Ury. Getting To YES. Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In. New York, NY:
Penguin Group, 1991.
Glenmullen, Joseph, M.D. Prozac Backlash. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Trade Paperbacks, 2001
Halperin, James L. The Truth Machine. New York, NY: Ballantine Books, 1997.
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