Running Head: HOW I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT MYSELF
How I Have Come to Accept Myself and
Not Let My Sexuality Be All That Defines Me.
Madeline A. Miranda
Bryant University
HOW I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT MYSELF
How I Have Come to Accept Myself and
Not Let My Sexuality Be All That Defines Me.
My life has been about acceptance. Not acceptance from others but, rather me learning to
accept myself. Being gay is not disabling, it is not rewarding nor discerning, it is not a problem
to be fixed, or a trait to flaunt, it is simply just a way of being. It is the people who don’t
understand being gay that make this sexuality seem like it is those things.
My name is Alex and I am a gay man in my early twenties. I wasn’t one of those guys
who made a big announcement about being gay. My closest friends knew but it wasn’t
something I went around telling everyone. Even though I grew up in a diverse city, I didn’t feel
everyone would accept the fact that I was gay. Coming out to my family was probably one of the
most difficult things I could have done. My father didn’t believe me and soon began to act like
the conversation never happened. It was almost as if I was speaking a different language when I
came out to him. Our conversations soon turned into small talk and our relationship started to
deteriorate. He would ask me if I was seeing anyone, meaning girls, or if I found the women we
would see in public attractive. I learned to ignore it because I knew I couldn’t change who I was.
My peers in high school assumed I was straight because of how close I was with my best friend.
We constantly posted pictures together, went of family vacation together, went to prom together
and so forth. We thought it was really funny at the time but we realized the reason no guys had
ever asked her out was because they all assumed we were together, and that no one had ever
questioned if I was gay because I never corrected anyone when they referred to her as my
girlfriend. Even her parents thought we were dating and for a while she didn’t correct them either
because I had asked her not to. In high school I dated guys, just not the guys from my town. I
would sneak out at night and on weekends to meet up with whoever I was seeing at the time. I
HOW I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT MYSELF
realized my sneaking around was getting out of hand when I ran into my best friend and her
mom one night while I was on a date. There was no way to lie my way out of something so
define and clear cut. It was obvious by the fact that this guy was holding my hand and kissing my
cheek that we were together. This had all happened senior year of high school, I moved on to
college and decided to make it clear I was gay. I would correct people from now on is they
assumed I was straight. I was tired of hiding who I was and it was interfering with my happiness
too much to keep the lies going.
I now live in Miami for school and work as a barista at a coffee shop. Most days I start
off by going to my classes, the gym, then work. I feel accepted in my environment. There’s a
large homosexual community here in Miami and I’ve met a lot of other guys who have had
similar experience in high school and with coming out to their families. It’s nice to have a group
of friends like mine who support you. We always go out on weekends, sometimes with guys and
girls and sometimes just us guys. It’s a nice get away from the stress of work and school.
Sometimes people will stare a bit longer than usual or give us odd looks. They make assumptions
that everyone in our group is gay or maybe that we’re all dating each other, but that’s not true at
all. Every now and then I will run into hardships or find things that offend me. There have been
tiny incidents like people asking me how I could be so fit and built for a gay guy. To them I’m
not the stereotypical gay guy. I don’t fit their schemas because I’m not lean or feminine. Just
because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t be athletic too. Sometimes at work costumers assume I am
gay because I’m a male barista in Miami. Even though they’re correct, it doesn’t mean it’s
alright for them to just assume. The girls at my college will also treat me differently which gets
annoying. They always ask me for fashion advice or send me selfies asking if it’s cute enough to
send to the guy they like. A lot of them refer to me as their “gay best friend” instead of “best
HOW I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT MYSELF
friend” or even just “friend.” Other than these small examples, the people I choose to surround
myself with treat me just like anyone else, not as someone who’s “gay” because that’s not all I
am. My sexuality doesn’t define the type of person I am.
The largest hardship I have encountered was the Orlando shooting. The incident caused
internal conflicts for me. I couldn’t believe such a hateful act was committed against people I
identify with. Especially when I had felt so accepted since moving to Florida. It was hard for me
to process that the largest mass shooting to date was now against the gay community (Hurt,
Zambelich, 2016). Instead of letting it impact my life in a negative way, I used it as motivation.
It motivated me to raise awareness on how the LGBT community is not fairly treated or
respected, and it has encouraged me to really be an activist. I started going to more gay pride
events and conferences in my area. I want to work towards becoming a speaker at events like
“True Colors” which is a conference for high school students who want to be activists for
equality (True Colors Inc., 2017).
Overall, I don’t see being gay as something that belittles me, as something that makes me
inferior, or a something that defines me. I am so much more than a gay man and I won’t be
labeled as just that. My sexuality is a big part of who I am but it isn’t all I am. Others have had it
harder than I have. People with the same sexuality as me are bullied, discriminated against,
harmed, and denied basic rights. The hardships I faced opened my eyes to how I need to use
them as fuel to build myself up, not tare me down. Not everyone will accept me but I accept
myself. That’s all that matters.
HOW I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT MYSELF
References
Beauchamp, S. R., & Baran, S. J. (2017). Introduction to human communication:
perception, meaning, and identity. New York: Oxford University Press.
Clifton, D. (2015, October 25). 11 Major Obstacles to Equality That LGBT Americans
Still Face in 2014. Retrieved March 19, 2017, from https://mic.com/articles/92349/11-major-
obstacles-to-equality-that-lgbt-americans-still-face-in-2014#.k8XS3kjcp
Coyle, A. (2017, March 14). [Personal interview].
Smith, S. H. (2017, March 11). [Telephone interview].
True Colors Annual Conference. (n.d.). Retrieved March 19, 2017, from
http://www.ourtruecolors.org/Programs/Conference/
Vansant, J. (2016, June 02). THE MODERN GAY GUIDE TO LIFE [Web log post].
Retrieved March 19, 2017, from https://themoderngay.com/
Zambelich, A., & Hurt, A. (2016, June 26). 3 Hours in Orlando: Piecing Together an
Attack and Its Aftermath. Retrieved March 19, 2017, from
http://www.npr.org/2016/06/16/482322488/orlando-shooting-what-happened-update
