HEALING FROM

CHILDHOOD
TRAUMA

THE STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO HEALING

FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

BY DR. KELSEI LEANN

 HEY!
I'M DR. K

My mission is to make I'm a Licensed Therapist that specializes in

mental health services more childhood trauma, boundaries, and
accessible and attainable so emotional wellness. As someone who
experienced my own childhood trauma, I
that you can become the best
know the importance of healing from it so
version of yourself. that you can become the best version of
I'm so happy that you're here. I know that yourself. Let's start healing together!

Dr Kelsei LeAnn
you've been through a-lot and you're
ready to finally start healing so that you
can move forward with your life. I'm here
to help you do exactly this.
 COPYRIGHT
NOTICE
Copyright © 2019-2020 The You Effect all rights
reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, including photocopying,
recording, or other electronic or mechanical
methods, without the prior written permission of
the publisher, except in the case of brief
quotations embodied in critical reviews and
certain other noncommercial uses permitted by
copyright law.

Dr Kelsei LeAnn
THERAPIST | AUTHOR | SPEAKER
 TABLE OF CONTENTS

01
WHAT IS CHILDHOOD TRAUMA?

02
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA & YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

03
HEALING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

04
DISCOVERING YOUR NEW BELIEFS + VALUES

05
HEALING JOURNAL

06
CLOSING REMARKS
 01
WHAT IS CHILDHOOD
TRAUMA?
This is not you. This is Childhood trauma signifies that as
something moving through children, we had high expectations
you. It can leave out the and in some form or fashion we were

same door it came in. - Cleo let down. Having a parent constantly

yelling and belittling you can be
Wade
trauma. Growing up in the hood and
Before we get into healing from wondering what you're going to eat
childhood trauma, let's first define it. tomorrow can be traumatic. Your pain
Trauma, according to the tolerance and your mental capacity
International Society for Traumatic determine your level of trauma.
Stress Studies, is described as
negative events that are emotionally Childhood trauma can take away your
painful in a way that overwhelm's a sense of security and well-being. As a
person ability to cope. Trauma can child you expect your parents to
present itself in different ways. It can protect you, to steer you in the right
be mental, physical, spiritual or direction, and to come to your
emotional. I know you may think "My defense. Our parents are our hereos
childhood wasn't that bad" That's and when we see them hang up their
perfectly fine! Childhood trauma capes we lose our sense of hope that
doesn't mean you had bad parents. they can save us.
 YOU LEARN YOUR BEHAVIOR AND YOUR
FEELINGS FROM YOUR PARENT OR GUARDIAN
AND LEARNING HOW TO NAVIGATE THROUGH
THE UPS AND DOWNS OF LIFE IS A VITAL PART
IN THE DEVELOPMENTAL PROCESS.
Children who experience any level or kind of trauma get stuck in the
developmental process. This means repeated or single experiences that
you may have been exposed to as a child that triggers your brain to go
into survival mode. When you are exposed to trauma unconsciously,
your brain automatically puts up a wall where the trauma occurred to
protect you from it happening again, or you feeling like that again. 

I want you to imagine a construction site. On this site, workers are

building a wall. While the workers are building this wall, people keep
walking up to throw rocks, trying to knock the wall down as the workers
are building. As you can imagine, these workers are frustrated that
people keep throwing rocks trying to destroy their work. That's what
your mind is going through when you experience trauma.
Immediately after the trauma, the workers in your mind start building a
wall. Your triggers, or even people who truly care about you, are trying
to break through that wall (this is frustrating for you, the worker) which
causes you to work into overdrive and build up a wall, not allowing
people to come in. You're protecting yourself.

Somewhere along the way your security got breached and you started to
doubt yourself. Childhood trauma keeps you stuck on the hamster
wheel of "what if's". If you're stuck in the past or future, this is a direct
result of running away from your problems as a child or consuming
yourself with something to get your mind off of your problems. This can
cause you to be in a constant loop of a depressive state, experiencing
anxiety, or even as far as suicidal ideations. Feeling like this can cause
you to think that your voice has no power, and feel
completely misunderstood.
DUE TO FEELING MISUNDERSTOOD, YOU TEND TO FEEL
RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS,
EMOTIONS, AND THEIR WELL BEING.

It can be described as being compelled to be there for people because you didn't have
anyone there for you. You don't want anyone to go through the pain that you
experienced so you overextend yourself to please others. When your family doesn't talk
about their own trauma or ever work through it, we begin to see generational trauma.
When your great-grandma doesn't discuss what happened in 1922 between her and
great-granddad, then generational trauma runs rampart in our lives. What our ancestors
failed to realize is that as children we can sense pain and fear. We can see how dramatic
and painful trauma is, and the emotions attached to it. We become emotional dumpsters
for everyone else's life but fail to take out the trash on our own lives.

We have the power to

restrengthen, recover and
renormalize our brain even
when it has suffered major
trauma.
 CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND
02
YOUR ADULT
RELATIONSHIPS
According to the National Child This is why you can often disconnect
Traumatic Stress Network, 78% of from the important parts of yourself,
children reported more than one even the people around you in order
traumatic experienced before the age to survive. You tend to attract people
of five, 28% of children before the age who fit your traumatic identity and
of six had begun receiving treatment for unconsciously try to attract those that
traumatic experiences, including sexual treat you wrong. You may be
abuse, neglect, exposure to domestic attracted to the wrong type of people
violence, and losing a loved one. When and end up with people who aren't
you're an adult you can develop what is the best option for you. It can be a
called,  complex post-traumatic stress repetition of the past, you may end
disorder, which is characterized by up over-extending yourself to people
difficulties in emotional regulation, who are emotionally unavailable,
memory, and self-perception. narcissistic, or abusive.

As a child your identify begins to form. This can lead you to believe that
When you experience a traumatic you're not worthy and are better off
childhood, you often experience alone. When you have negative
memory loss. With this kind of trauma, experiences with relationships, you
you may have felt like something was naturally tend to isolate yourself and
always missing, but you didn't quite become distant.
know what it was.
 THIS CAN BEGIN AS SOON AS THE TRAUMA IS EXPOSED OR
LATER DOWN THE LINE BUT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
WITH OTHER PEOPLE ARE CRUCIAL TO PERSONAL
DEVELOPMENT
You may also start overthinking and overanalyzing everything. When you
overthink, your mind keeps you in a constant negative loop. It keeps you
stuck on the "what ifs, why me, and what happens now" thoughts.
Overthinking can jeopardize your physical health through hair loss,
weight gain, and more serious illnesses. First things first, you need to get
into the habit of noticing when you're thinking too much. The best way
to track your thoughts is an emotional journal. I want you to write down
what you think and why you think it. This will help you confront the lies
that overthinking tells you. I also want you to begin the process of
challenging your negative thoughts. Write out what you're thinking and
write down two positive things to combat the thought. If you believe that
a job won't hire you, write down two reasons why you deserve this job.
You want to start practicing active problem solving because you can only
solve what you're in control of. Your thoughts, behavior, emotions, and
actions are the only factors you can control. Overthinking something you
have no control over only hurts you. You have to begin to
compartmentalize. If you want to think about something, give yourself 5-
15 minutes to think about it, write it, cry it out, scream, or whatever
works for you. Overthinking all day everyday is allowing you to stay in a
constant emotionally toxic cycle.

Another way to combat overthinking, is to practice the art of living in the

now. Our minds are always focused on either yesterday or tomorrow.
We're either stressing about what we have to do tomorrow or depressed
about all the things we didn't do yesterday. We're in a constant mental
and emotional rollercoaster in our minds. So what does living in the now
mean? It means to be present, being focused on the moment and not
being distracted about the past or the future.

It's being grounded and focused on the now. Am I saying to never focus
on the past or the present? Of course not.
YOU NEED THE PAST TO LOOK OVER YOUR MISTAKES AND
SUCCESS, AND YOU NEED A FUTURE TO PLAN FOR.
I'm saying don't get wrapped up in tomorrow and yesterday, that you neglect today/ So
how can you be in the now and stop worrying? You can begin to practice mindfulness
and take full control of who you are today. You need to breathe. I can't express how
important breathing is.

It's as easy as taking ten breaths from your diaphragm, and while you're breathing focus
on actually breathing and not on what you're stressed about. You have to find your
groove. Begin to make the most out of your time by synchronizing your day-to-day
activities with being present. If you think about doing something, do it as soon as you
think about it instead of waiting to do it later. Accept the things you cannot change, it
does not serve you to be worrying about what or who you cannot control. Accept what
you can control and move forward. Renewing your mind, regaining your confidence, and
repowering your life is an on-going process. Reconnecting with yourself is not a quick fix

One symptom of complex

post-traumatic disorder is
overthinking. Overthinking
brings false imaginations
and realities to mind.
 03
HEALING FROM
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
Healing doesn't have to look magical
or pretty. Real healing is hard,
When you begin to think of your
exhausting and draining. Let
trauma, your heart may start to race. I
yourself go through it. Don't try to
want you to breathe. Now, the first
paint it as anything other than what
step to healing is to "Ground Your
is is. Be there for yourself with no Trauma". What does it mean to
judgement. - Audrey Kitching ground your trauma? I want you to be
Now that we've went over the present. I want you to be fully
symptoms of childhood trauma, it's invested into right now. Reliving
time to begin the healing process. trauma doesn't feel good, but as I
Before we start, I want you to create a said true healing never does. Now
safe space. A space where you can be that you're grounding the trauma. I
vulnerable and available to healing. We need you to now "Recall The Trauma".
often expect our healing process in one I know you may not remember your
of two ways. Either overnight or we childhood, but that goes back to that
expect to never take our cape to show construction site we were
that we're in pain. This is your chance discussing earlier. Your memories are
to really heal and be vulnerable. buried deep behind the wall you've
built. I would highly encourage and
Before we go into step-by-step process recommend seeing a licensed
of healing, I want you to close your professional who specializes in EMDR.
eyes, and take a deep breath.
 EMDR STANDS FOR EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION AND
REPROCESSING.

It's the process of bringing those buried memories to the forefront. If

you do remember your trauma, even if it's small you can still recall your
trauma. I want you to think back on what you parents told you, what
your abuser did to you, and how the trauma made you feel. I want you
to grab a sheet of paper, write down exactly how you were hurt.
Whether that's sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, whatever your
trauma looks like, I want you to write it down. I also want you to write
how it makes you feel. Whether it was how yelling made you feel
defenseless or how being sexually abused made you feel violated.

Now I want you to "Sense The Trauma".I want you to be mindful of how
your body is reacting. Is it tensing up? Are you getting hot? Are you
beginning to sweat? Take a deep breath, write out the trauma, and note
how your body is feeling. Identifying how you feel is a vital part of
healing. 

Now it's time to "Love Your Trauma". I want you to love yourself, so
much that you begin to release the responsibility of other people. You
become mentally free when you begin the process of loving yourself.
 04
DISCOVERING YOUR
NEW BELIEFS & VALUES
Daring to set boundaries is about This also means I need to give up
trying to control other people. If you
having the courage to love
want to change you have to force it,
overselves, even when we risk
you have to grab the reins of your life
disappointing others. - Brene
again and do what needs to be done.
Brown
Reparenting means to heal from a There are three dimensions to
childhood wound by making choices in reparenting and relearning: self-care,
your own best interest. The first step to joy, and discipline. If you want to
reparenting and relearning from your begin the reparenting process, you're
childhood trauma is to identify your going to have to focus on your
beliefs. As we've previously discussed, physical body first/ Our bodies are
your beliefs come from your childhood. always speaking to us yet we don't
pay attention. Keep practicing the art
What are you expecting? What do you of having boundaries and remember
want in life? What do you aspire to be that certain people cannot access
like financially, emotionally, spiritually, certain parts of you anymore.
mentally, and physically? To become
anything, you have to give up Boundaries are defined as the limits
something. You cannot become without people set to create a healthy sense
giving up a part of who you are now. If I of personal space/ Boundaries can be
want to stop becoming so consumed physical. mental. or emotional. they
with my emotions, then I need to give help distinguish the desires & needs
up control.   from one person to another.
 BEFORE YOU SET BOUNDARIES YOU HAVE TO REALIZE
WHERE YOU NEED TO APPLY THOSE BOUNDARIES.

Boundaries need to be set when someone else's life, emotions, and

problems, are personally affecting you.

I want you to ask yourself what are the facts of the relationship. I want
you to evaluate what is a fact in this relationship, I then want you to ask
yourself how much can you give to the relationship without becoming
emotionally and mentally drained. You can only overextend yourself so
much to the point of reaching your breaking point and you need to do
what's healthy for you. When we become an emotional dumpster for
everyone else's problems and neglect our own, we've become
codependent on that relationship. When setting boundaries be brief and
to the point. Often when we try to create boundaries we try to get the
other person to see where we're coming from. Start with empathy by
expressing how you feel. Try to avoid using the words "but" and
"however". Instead of saying "I love you but I hate when you do this" try
saying, "I love you and at the same time I need space." This allows you to
express how you feel without trying to water down your boundaries.

When initially setting boundaries it's important for you to own your
feelings. I'm not saying be ruled by them, I mean acknowledge that they
exist. Instead of saying "I just feel like" say "I feel like you hurt me in this
way". Healthy boundaries with your parents look like establishing what's
off-limits to talk about, certain things you may not want to discuss and
letting your parents know what's important.

Try to abstain from fixing your paren't problems.

When you've experienced something traumatic you're all over the place.
It's important to have someone to center you. Find time to connect with
God in a way that's realistic for you.
 05- HEALING JOURNAL
WHAT IMPACT HAS THE EXPERIENCE OF CHILDHOOD
TRAUMA HAD ON YOUR LIFE AS AN ADULT?
 02
WHAT FEELINGS DO YOU HAVE TOWARD THE PERSON
WHO CAUSED YOUR TRAUMA?
 03
HOW DID THE ABUSE OR NEGLECT OR ABANDONMENT
MAKE YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF AS A CHILD?
 04
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF AS AN ADULT NOW
WITH THE PAIN YOU'VE EXPERIENCED AS A CHILD?
 05
HOW DO YOU CURRENTLY FEEL ABOUT FORGIVENESS?
 06
WHAT UNMET NEEDS ARE YOU EXPERIENCING THAT YOU
DON'T BELIEVE YOU CAN FULFILL YOURSELF?
 07
WHAT STOPS YOU FROM LIVING THE LIFE YOU'VE ALWAYS
WANTED TO LIVE?
 08
WRITE A LIST OF EVERY NEGATIVE THING YOU CAN THINK
OF THAT YOU TELL YOURSELF.
 09
WRITE A LIST OF POSITIVE TRAIT TO COMBAT ALL THE
NEGATIVE TRAITS YOU PREVIOUSLY WROTE. FOR EVERY
NEGATIVE ONE, WRITE TWO POSITIVE ONES.
 10
WRITE A LETTER TO YOUR YOUNGER SELF. WHAT ADVICE
WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF?
 11
NOW USING THE ADVICE THAT YOU GAVE YOURSELF, HOW
CAN YOU APPLY THAT TO WHO YOU ARE TODAY?
 12
WRITE A LIST OF THE PEOPLE YOU NEED TO FORGIVE.
 13
WRITE 3-4 SENTENCES TO EACH PERSON TO WHY YOU
NEED TO FORGIVE THEM AND WHAT YOU NEED TO
FORGIVE THEM FOR.
 14
WHEN I'M EMOTIONALLY OR MENTALLY DRAINED, THE
BEST THING I CAN DO FOR MYSELF IS...
 15
HOW CAN I SHOW MYSELF MORE SELF-LOVE?
 16
WHAT BOUNDARIES DO YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE?
 17
HOW MUCH CAN YOU GIVE IN THE RELATIONSHIP THAT
YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES WITH, WITHOUT
OVEREXTENDING YOURSELF?
 18
WHAT ARE YOU TOLERATING THAT'S DRAINING YOU?
 19
WHAT PROBLEMS ARE YOU TAKING ON THAT'S NOT
YOURS?
 20
ARE YOU ALLOWING PEOPLE TO COME INTO YOUR SPACE
AND NEGATIVELY AFFECT YOU, YOUR EMOTIONS, AND
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
 21
WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO ACCEPT? WHAT IS NON-
NEGOTAIABLE IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU?
 22
WHAT ARE SOME LIES ABOUT YOURSELF THAT
CHILDHOOD TRAUMA HAS TOLD YOU?
 23

DO YOU BELIEVE THE LIES THAT CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

HAS TOLD YOU TO STILL BE TRUE? IF YES, WHY?
 24

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM?

 25

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF OVERLY SENSITIVE TO

CRITICISM? IF YES, WHY?
 26

DO YOU NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE FROM OTHER

PEOPLE? IF YES, WHY DO YOU NEED THIS?
 27

DO YOU OFTEN FEEL INSECURE AND UNWORTHY? DO YOU

FEEL AS IF EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT?
 28

DO YOU FIND IT HARD TO TRUST PEOPLE?

 29

DO YOU OFTEN SUPPRESS YOUR FEELINGS? IF YES, DO

YOU OVERTHINK? WHAT ARE SOME OF THE THOUGHTS
YOU HAVE?
 30

DO YOU GOT OUT OF YOUR WAY TO AVOID

CONFRONTATIONS?
 31

DO YOU BECOME EASILY ATTACHED TO PEOPLE?

 32

DO YOU HAVE A PATTERN OF STAYING IN UNHEALTHY

RELATIONSHIPS?
 33

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN ORDER TO PLEASE YOUR

PARENTS EVEN THOUGH IT ISN'T WORKING WELL FOR
YOU?
 34

WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO FOR YOURSELF, EVEN IF YOUR

PARENTS DISAPPROVE?
 36

WHAT BOUNDARIES DO YOU NEED WITH YOUR PARENTS?

 37

WHAT IS ONE STEP YOU CAN TAKE TOWARD SETTLING

THOSE BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR PARENTS?
 38

WHAT FEELS SAFE TO SHARE WITH YOUR PARENTS?

WHAT DOESN'T FEEL SAFE?
 39

WHAT DO YOU NEED RIGHT NOW? HOW CAN YOU GIVE

YOURSELF MORE OF WHAT YOU NEED?
 40

WHAT CAN YOU SAY "NO" TO TODAY?

 41

COURAGE IS BEING SCARED AND DOING WHAT NEEDS TO

BE DONE ANYWAY. WHAT WILL YOU SAY YES TO THAT
MAY REQUIRE SOME EXTRA COURAGE?
 42

DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO BUILD

CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS? IF SO, WHY?
 43

WHAT IS GOING WELL IN YOUR LIFE TODAY?

 44

WHAT IS A PERSONAL GOAL YOU'RE COMMITTED TO

ACCOMPLISHING?
 45

WHAT ABOUT YOUR LIFE ARE YOU LOOKING THE MOST

FORWARD TO?
 THANK YOU!
I'm so excited that you're saying yes to your healing journey.
Healing doesn't happen overnight. You can and will overcome
this.

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