Becoming A New Man

The Manual To Manhood

Gerald L Davis Jr
 Acknowledgments
I would like to thank God for showing me the ways to becoming a better man.
At a time when so many of us are lost, and searching for self, I'm finally feeling
fulfilled. I hope that by writing this book I serve your purpose in helping men such
as myself identify their manhood. I would like to thank the ones who has
supported me on this journey. To my oldest sister Kendra for always being a pillar
in my life, I thank you and love the strength you’ve giving me throughout the
process. To my kids for always being my motivation, always loving me genuinely.
My mother for always making sacrifices for me, you’ve always been my biggest
fan. To the ones who haven’t been mentioned, I Thank You!
 Dedication
I’m writing this book for you, the man in the mirror. For the reflection staring
back at me questioning how did I get here. For the man that’s ready to break the
stigmas of society based manhood. Being a man comes with so many stressors
and ideologies as if we’re all emotionally deprived, overly aggressive, egotistical,
stubborn, leaders with a lot to say and no time to listen. Hold your head up, man!
Show no emotions, man! Fight back, man! This was embedded into my core
which I based my manhood off of, and the same manhood that led me to question
the fabrics of my existence. A change had to take place, or I would become lost
within my detrimental ideology. Based off of my experiences, I can tell you this
process will be a challenging one. One that will require the stamina of an
Olympic runner, the courage of a bullfighter, the ability to access your id, ego, and
superego. You must be willing to walk alone through the concrete jungle of self.
As I stare back at you (man in the mirror) realizing your interior doesn’t reflect
your exterior, I’m ready to dive into the depths of your beliefs to change every
fiber of your DNA. You’ve worn that cloak for too long. I’ll tell you that as you
change the supernatural state, it will cause a change in your superficial state.
Bury the old you, and resurrect the New Man.
Sincerely,
Self
 Table of contents

Foreword
Chapter 1: New Man
Chapter 2: Self-Love
Chapter 3: Rebuild vs. Renovation
Chapter 4: I will not be defeated
Chapter 5: Breaking new ground
Chapter 6: Purpose vs. Passion
Chapter 7: Give genuine love
Chapter 8: Small victories
Chapter 9: Financial Freedom
Chapter 10: Spiritual Growth
Chapter 11: I Am
Chapters 12: Letters to my kids
 Foreword
I’ve literally known Gerald or “G” as I affectionately call him since he was in the
womb. His arrival into this world changed my life and role forever. My little
brother, the cry baby. I have so many fond memories of us growing up together.
We had each other’s backs against neighborhood bullies, playing Nintendo as I
was always beating him and taking no mess. As we grew, so did our
relationship. He went from being an annoying little brother to my best friend.
This book is special because it is a true account of how a boy found out how to
be a man. So many of our young men are lost and some never truly know what
true manhood looks like or walk in it because of a multitude of reasons as they
lack guidance and role models.
Gerald likes to say that we’re twins because we literally experienced some of
life’s toughest challenges at the same time. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, we’ve
argued, but most importantly, we’ve loved.
I am so proud to introduce this work of manhood masterpiece to you. This will
be used as a blueprint of what being a flawed man and growing into a better man
looks like. It’s okay not to have it all figured out. It’s okay to fall because that rise
back up is a journey like no other. I’m proud of you brother and I am proud of the
man you’ve grown to become and the even greater man you will grow to be.
Lessons are to be learned so that we can bless someone else with our stories
and they too can use our lessons to learn and grow. Thank you for having the
fortitude to walk in your truth, live in the light, and share your journey so that
others can be blessed too.

Your proud Big “lil” Sis,

Kendra Garcia

Chapter 1
“New Man”
 “Your success has to be measured against yourself a decade ago, last year, or yesterday” -
Michael Gerber

The “New Man,” what does that mean? We’ve been taught by society what the role of a man is, and the
ways to conduct ourselves as a real man should do. Don’t cry “Man”, fight back “Man”, and show no
emotions “Man”. Who made this the guideline to manhood? I believe that by writing this book, I will open up
another dimension to what manhood entails. I hope to spark the first wave of evolution to the “New Man”.
I’m not claiming to be the perfect man or to have it all figured out, but my failures opened up my perspective
to what it will take for me to become a better man. I failed at what I thought manhood consisted of. I’ve
looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize the person I saw looking back at me. Somehow over the years, I
lost sight of who I was and what I stood for. Like so many men in today’s society, I didn’t have a good
example of what a man looked like or what he should be. My father was present, but we didn’t have a
connection, in fact, I felt as if I didn’t even know the man my father was. I tried on multiple occasions to
spark an interest in my father about my life goals, but instead of feeding me with motivations to achieve even
the most difficult dreams, my father would tell me not to chase my dreams and get a job with benefits. I
realized I couldn’t expect more from a man who didn’t want more for himself or his family. I remember asking
him why he wasn’t there for me, and he stated it was because he didn’t have a father. How can the man I
looked to impress overlook me? My father stands 5 foot 4 inches tall, but to me (at that time) he was a giant.
The person who I’m supposed to model my manhood afterward didn’t have a manhood for himself. I figured I
inherited this identity confusion from him. It wasn’t until recently that I was able to connect with a part of me I
never knew existed. My emotions were so deeply buried that it took me 34 years to dig them up. Now I’m
able to feel what life is all about so I can give and receive the type of love that the “New Man” has to offer to
the world. I was a victim to society and the offspring of my father's failures. But now, I no longer have the
victim mentality because I see myself as the victor. This book isn’t just about me telling you theories, quotes,
and stories about becoming the “New Man”, but about documenting my journey as I became the “New Man”.

∆∆∆
This transition has been a tough one thus far, I’m not going to lie. I had to
eradicate the person I was in order to become the person I wanted to be. The
first part of this process for me was self-reflecting, and understanding who I really
was, and why I was in the predicament I was in. I had to take responsibility of my
failures. I had to feel and deal with the pain I dished out and it was a hard pill to
swallow. For the vast majority of my life, I was selfish with my feelings and my
actions reflected it, but it wasn’t intentional. To me, I was just protecting my
sanity. Even though I was sort of selfish with my emotions, I still consider myself
to be a genuine guy. I have never had ill intentions to hurt people, but when I feel
the need to protect myself, anybody is subjected to the hurt that comes along with
it. I hated that about myself because I kept my feelings buried for so long that it
caused me to hurt loved ones, good friends, and myself. I realized I was the
primary cause of all the pain in my life. All my wounds were self-inflicted. At that
moment when I looked into the mirror while dealing with the pain I caused myself,
and the heartbreak I caused my ex-wife, I was devastated. How did I get here? I
asked every time I glanced into the mirror. Every time I woke up, I would wish I
could start over. I damaged my integrity, the very thing I valued myself for having.
Being an honest person, trustworthy, faithful, and a great friend was all
compromised by my selfish actions. My loved ones lost trust in me, my marriage
went down the drain, and I lost great friendships I valued for most of my adult
life. I could no longer trust myself. You know, sometimes you can be your own
devil in life.
∆∆∆
Second, I had to change my thought process. I read a quote that stated “You
are what you think” and based on the direction my life was headed, that theory
was just so true and a perfect description of me. In order for me to change my
thought process, I minimized my interactions with others. I got rid of social media
and I had my phone disconnected in order to connect with myself. I didn’t have to
worry about the bill collectors, if they couldn’t reach me, they weren’t important.
All the people that was draining my energy and disrupting my sanity couldn’t
reach me and with social media gone, I no longer felt the need to compete in life,
or question my way of life because someone else is on their 5th vacation in five
months. I finally got the chance to focus on me and it calmed all the chatter
around me and naturally my stress decreased, and I didn’t feel so depressed
anymore. Now, I still had my good and bad days, but I’m more able to pull myself
up, and not run to social media for support.
∆∆∆
Third, I got rid everything I thought added value to my life. Now, this one was
tough because I lived a certain type of life for so long and it caused me to worry
about people’s opinion of me. I was embarrassed and I began to live like an
inmate, only the bare necessities. I bought a 2018 Dodge Challenger in October
of 2017, could I afford it? Yes, but that means I would have to live off of noodles
and $5 pizza until I paid it off. This car was my baby. Going through this mid life
crisis, I needed something to validate me as a man, and this car did it.
Everywhere I went, I got compliments on my car. Stepping out of it, I felt like the
president. This car painted the image I wanted people to think whenever they
seen me. He’s successful. He has it all together, boy were they wrong? I was at
turmoil daily, smiling and hiding behind my vehicle. Based on my bank account, I
needed to live in that car. I can remember the feeling of waking up to my dad
telling me the repo truck has just hooked my car up. All I thought about were my
kids, my image, and my new job I was starting that following Monday. I battled
myself for about a week or so. I would often battle with myself; should I get it back
and be broke, or let it go into savings? The day I decided to let it go, I felt
relieved. The pressure from keeping this image weighed me down daily. I had a
nice car but barely had gas. I realized that the car was a perfect example of my
life. I looked good with no drive. Now that I’m driving my mom’s minivan, I’m
more driven than ever. It took me a while to adjust to driving the van. If I were in
my car, I would park in the front everywhere I went, but in the van, I’ll park so far
away that you’d thought I have walked to my destination. I wasn’t as confident as
people thought I was. I had to realize that you can’t measure a man’s drive off of
the car he drives. As my self-confidence grew, the closer I started to park. Now, I
park in the front. Who would’ve thought that by losing everything, my vision and
destination in life would have changed for the better?
∆∆∆
Fourth, now that I had a lot of free time on my hands, I invested in myself.
Self-improvement was the most important thing for me to do at this time. I had to
make sure I optimized my time and used it to increase my self-worth. Not being
able to be around my kids like I normally do, I couldn’t let this time go to waste. I
brought books that added value to who I was and the direction I was going. My
favorite author and motivational speaker is Eric Thomas. I’ve watched almost
every one of his YouTube video and read almost every book he’s published. I
highly recommend you to find the time and listen and learn from ET. His views
definitely helped pull me through my hard times. My favorite YouTube video from
ET is titled, Batman. The first time I heard it, it sent chills down my spine, and
now, I find myself sending it to friends, or listening to it while I work around the
house. I’ve read “Millionaires Success Habits” by Dean Graziosi, and “Dreams
are built overnight” by David Shands. I got so tired of spending money fixing up
the outside, plus renovations never last long anyway. Because of my continual
thirst for self-investment, I started to feel the change mentally. I looked for other
opportunities to better myself. I was already physically fit, and I had to work out
3-5 times a week, but now I’m focusing on my skill set. I questioned how I can
add value to me and how can I make myself more marketable in today's society.
I invested in courses that I was interested in and obtained more certifications to
add meat to my resume.
∆∆∆
Last, I had to forgive. This is harder than what people may think. Forgiveness is
easily said but hard to do. For me, forgiveness wasn’t for the damage people
caused me, but for the damage I caused other people. Sometimes, when you
hurt or betray the ones you love, it’s best to remove yourself from their life to
enhance their healing process. Time heals all wounds, even the ones that are
self-inflicted. Letting go of friendships I valued and certain relationships I
damaged, this was a way of self-repairing and allowing that person(s) time to
heal. I thought after I healed from my wrongs that I would feel brand new, and
that I would’ve finally found my reason for who I am. False, I still had a seed of
doubt and hate still rooted in my core and it was the root to all of my problems as
a man. I haven’t forgiven my father for not being the father figure I needed. I
didn’t have the type of father I could run to for advice because half the time he
was dealing with his own battles. I couldn’t ask for money when needed, I
couldn’t ask about the role of a husband because the type of husband he is
wasn’t the type I wanted to be. Lastly, his ambitions were disheartening to me.
He didn’t want anything out of life, he never wanted to own a home for his family,
he didn’t want to own a business, and I don’t think he held any leadership role at
any of his jobs. Those chains that held him back were embedded in my DNA and
by nature, it linked us together. Breaking this generational curse of surviving the
struggle with the bare minimum and no ambition had to stop. I will not introduce
my sons to this cycle of carrying the burden of dead weight of doubt, fear, or
failure. Most of us are a replica of the men we’ve seen while growing up. This
book is for that man that is tired of being overly aggressive, emotionally detached,
and deprived of self-awareness. Free yourself as I welcome you to the journey of
becoming the “New Man”.
 Chapter 2
“Self Love”
“Be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you” - Anonymous

As I stated earlier, this transition is a rough one. You may wonder why I feel qualified to write this book. It’s
simple; I am every man in some shape, form, or fashion. We all wear our manhood like a badge of honor,
whether good or bad. I thought I was confident in myself, since I seemed to have it all figured out. Contrary
to your belief, I was broken faking fixed. I was unhappy with the way my life was heading. I had moments
when I experienced happiness with the birth of my kids, my wedding, and other moments sprinkled here and
there, but for the most part, I wasn’t who I wanted to be. I felt overly ambitious at times, grabbing on to any
opportunity for success as if I were drowning in a life of failure and at the same time reaching for something
to save me. What’s my purpose, who am I? Why am I having such a hard time finding myself? It’s simple, I
didn’t approve of who I was. I needed other people's validation of me to prove I was on the right path. By
doing this, it was as if I was driving a car with my eyes closed and listening to the passenger in hopes that I’ll
make it to the destination. For the majority of my young adult years I’ve done this, I still wondered why I’m
still not fulfilled. Why am I so concerned with people’s perception of me? Self-approval is one of the most
important concepts to change. If you don’t believe in you, who else will? Not even your closest loved ones
will support the change you want for yourself, why? Because either they haven’t gone through this process
themselves, or they may fear the growth you’ll experience and that you may outgrow them. Sometimes our
loved ones can be a handicap. You have to understand that with self-approval, people will come around to
see you fail or talk you down from the pinnacle to which you were about to take that leap of faith. When was
my moment of self-approval? The moment I lost everything I valued, having the people I hurt look down on
me and all I could do was pick up the pieces and find a way to fix me. Honestly, I felt self-pity, disgust, and
disbelief. There was no medication for the pain, and I refused to rely on other means of dealing with my
issues. My parents coped with their pain(s) by using drugs and alcohol, and I carried the scars
(subconsciously) from their decisions. My siblings and I reflected our scares differently. For me, it affected
the way I connected with people emotionally. I had to MAN UP and lay in the bed I prepared for many years.
Gandhi stated, “It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts.” The healing
started the moment I accepted my consequences and that changed my outlook on who I was at that very
moment. With no one there to love me, I learned to love myself and it was at that moment that my heart felt
peace, and my stress decreased. I no longer had to pretend. I’m free to really focus on my life. After this
moment of self-approval, I unlocked self-care. I no longer acknowledge every weakness I wasted so many
years cultivating. Why water weeds, when I can nurture the flower. So now I spend all my time improving
my strengths and cultivating my mind. Self-care is taking care of your inner peace, mental health, and
spiritual growth. I can tell you how amazing life feels right now, especially, when you start focusing on what
makes your life worth living. The sun shines brightest on me now, the rain is more pleasurable, and the dark
is illuminated by the stars. My morning routine changed; I wake up and give thanks, then I feed my soul with
a morning motivational speech from some of the world greatest motivators. By doing this, the positive
energy I’ve absorbed in the mornings are being carried throughout the day. My commute to work isn’t filled
with road rage and anger, but with patience and love. My conversations with my co-workers aren’t about
how we can’t wait to clock out, but how productive we plan to be today. My relationships no longer have an
emotional block, but an overflow of love and passion. I’m no longer selfish with me or my feelings. Allowing
others the opportunity to feel who I am, means I’m finally alive. Thank God, I made it out of the wreckage.

∆∆∆
Man Overboard
By escaping who I was in order to become who I wanted to be,
this new found freedom sparked my journey. I spent countless years questioning
if I was making the right move, what people would think, and how I will make it.
As men, we tend to think that we can’t leave a current situation, a way of life,
career, or maybe a relationship because it felt like a weakness. I thought to
retreat was a sign of failure, I thought as a man I was supposed to stand strong
as the ship went down sinking. I had to realize that life jackets, and lifeboats exist
for a reason. God will make it so uncomfortable for you to be stagnant, even
when I passed up my lifeboat and surrendered my life jacket, I still remembered
my swimming lessons. I witnessed the destruction of the ship I captained; my
relationship and the friendships I had formed. I was left with two choices, either
to swim away or die. The hardest part about swimming away was knowing that I
contributed to the sinking of the ship. The casualties I caused along the way was
necessary for my survival and growth. Although some would rather have me
drowned in the turmoil, I still swim toward the shore without knowing if I would
find paradise or a deserted island. I kept swimming and praying. I said that once I
reached the shore, I would regain my inner peace, I would rebuild my ship, and
make sure I captain this new ship as if it was “Noah’s Ark.” Although I wasn’t
saving humanity, I would be saving my sanity and preparing myself for a better
life. I had to tell myself it’s ok for me to be a survivor. I was no longer the victim of
my circumstances, but the victor. Either you can be a detainee, and find yourself
stuck serving life as a prison sentence, or an escapee free to enjoy what life has
to offer. After I escaped my ship, I had to break free of my old philosophies about
manhood. Now that I’m all by myself, I’m able to self-reflect on who I was. I had
to identify what was genetically passed down to me from my parents. Why was I
so unhappy with my childhood? Digging deep through your issues just to dig up
the root cause to your problems is quite difficult. We all think we have control over
our lives, or we have next week, next month, or even next year to fix it. I wish it
was that simple. I wished life had a pause, rewind, or reset button because I
knew for sure I’d be successful only if… (You fill in the blank). We all have that
only if moment. My parents didn’t have any ambition to want more out of life, yet
they were comfortable with what they had. They got comfortable with struggling
in life. As a kid I hated the struggle. I was grateful for what I had, but I hated
growing in poverty. College wasn’t a thought for me, to be honest. I was expected
to either be using drugs like my parents or dealing drugs. I rebelled against
everything bad my parents exposed me too. I never smoked, in fact, I had my first
alcoholic beverage at the age of 23 out of fear of being addicted. So I spent so
many years breaking those generational curses. I swear it’s hard to envision a
brighter future for yourself and not have the support or someone who knows how
to succeed in life. I’ve learned based off of trial and error. I had to break free of
that ambition-less mindset I had inherited from my parents. Failure became so
familiar to me that it started to feel like a success. Sometimes our strength can
be our downfall. How many of us have stuck with a decision, even if it’s a bad one
simply because of our ego? I was that man, and I can contest that the only thing
that comes from doing this is just disappointment. Free yourself by doing this and
you’ll gain more clarity, self-awareness, and self-love.
 Chapter 3 “Renovation vs. Rebuild”
“To be Successful, you have to be willing to be successful. You have to believe in the law of
attraction that you create your own life” - Ted Denson

I spent so many years renovating myself, and wondered why I still felt
stuck in the same situation. I changed my hairstyle on multiple occasions trying to
fit in. I changed my attire trying to be perceived in a certain way. I also changed
the way I spoke, hoping to get more people to listen to me. I renovated my home;
“I” meaning my sense of being, and “Home” meaning my body, I live within my
body so it’s my home. I renovated my home, but I never received any self-equity
than what I already possessed. I changed my roofing, gave it a new paint job,
and changed the windows, but the foundation of my old self still existed. The
foundation was full of cracks. The new windows still leaked, and the roof only
provided shelter for the termites. Like most men today, I hid all my flaws behind a
smile and charming personality. I put duct tape over my water leaks, and
plywood under the holes in the floor to give the impression that all was fine. I
wasted a lot of years hating the direction my life was going, asking myself why I
wasn’t getting certain jobs, why I wasn’t feeling fulfilled, and when will I start to
become successful. I mean they say you have to look the part to get the part
right? Fake it till you make, and any other quote there is to try to simplify success
or help rationalize the struggles that come along with it. None of these helped me
reach any level of success, in fact, it did more damage than good. It’s like putting
diesel in a gas driving vehicle, you’ll go nowhere fast and you’ll become stranded
in life. I faked success so much that in my head I rationalized why I didn’t have
my degree yet. I literally had 4 classes left to complete before I would have my
bachelor’s in Criminal Justice, but I liked telling people “I just got 4 more classes
then I’m done.” By rationalizing, I was able to cope with the fact that I haven’t
completed it yet. If you had to gauge who I was just by looking at me, you would
already believe I was super successful. I was dressing the part everyday. My
hardwood floors had holes in it, but I kept them clean. My leaking windows had
nice curtains on them. My house looked great but had little to no equity.
∆∆∆
At some point, you’ll hit that breaking point to when you’re no longer
comfortable constantly renovating yourself. For me, I attained value when I
sacrificed everything. Lord, when I tell you it was a painful process watching the
house I renovated for so long being destroyed, it was truly hard to take. All that
work I put into fixing it up was all gone in a blink of an eye. Looking in the mirror
as I was going through this destruction, I could’ve cried (and I did), I felt my life
was over. We all face a situation to when we say, “If this happens to me, I won’t
be able to survive,” then boom it happens and you’re still surviving. I had to take
a couple of days to self-reflect and come to grasp with everything, but sifting
through the rubble, I began to find the courage and became optimistic on a better
me. The old me was gone, and here lies a plot for endless possibilities, and I
immediately start working on the blueprint. The old foundation that was built on
fear, failure, and untapped potential was now placed with courage, success, and
ambition. I read a quote that stated “When you want nothing, you attract
everything.” This was so true. I’m learning to love the small things in life, and I
gained so much clarity and happiness. This rebuild stage is so great because I
can build me the way I see fit. I wake up everyday and add more bricks to this
foundation. By adding these bricks, I mean self-affirmation on who I am, reading
more books on subjects I want to master, and putting together a plan to
accomplishing those goals. Instead of renovating hoping I gain more equity, I’m
investing sweat equity into myself. Look into the mirror and decide who you are
and where you are in life. If you die today, will your purpose be fulfilled? If the
answer is “No,” it’s time for you to stop renovating and start the rebuilding
process.
∆∆∆
3 Steps to Rebuilding
There are 3 steps to rebuilding; forgiveness, forgetting, and foresight. I speak
so much on forgiveness because it’s important to forgive before you can move
on. I spoke about forgiving my father and I spoke briefly on forgiving self, but you
must forgive all the ones who wronged you throughout your life. I’m not saying
you have to take them out to eat. You really don’t have to let them know they’re
forgiven, but you have to forgive them for you wholeheartedly. In order for me to
grow and flourish, I had to relieve myself of all the grudges I was clinging onto. In
order to become pure in heart, I had to forgive all the people that hurt me all the
way back to my childhood. It’s no easy process for sure, and it may even bring
up past pains and memories, but it’s necessary.
“Until you choose to be free, you’ll never be”
After forgiveness is the forgetting process. You have to forget it, bury it, and
let it go. It’s easier said than done. I know because I buried mine a couple of
months back. I must admit this is the best part of the process, the healing
process. I finally felt free, I even felt taller after I let go of those chains that were
weighing me down. My heart finally smiled and I could feel my heart beating with
joy. The great ones say, “In order to obtain whatever you want in life, you have to
feel it in your heart,” and this is the cleansing process. It’s therapeutic for your
sanity and I call it self-counseling. Forget about all your hardship, failures, and
disappointments. “Never forget where you came from” is a phrase used to keep
you in the same mindset you were in your past, instead I would say “Never forget
where you’re going.” I call this “GPSyndrome” because we all want a direct route
to our goals and an ETA on our arrival to success. I say pull out that old road
map, the one your grandparents used to navigate to their dreams. Let’s be
honest, when you saw a road map you thought it was certain you were going to
get lost, and that the trip was going to be a long one, but even though you
might’ve gotten lost and a 2-hour journey turned into 4 hours, you never lost sight
of your goals. Apply this logic to your goals and your life and don’t worry about
the wrong turns but focus on the right turns.
∆∆∆
Now that we’ve forgotten about what happened in the past, let’s focus on our
goals. What’s motivating me on this process to becoming a “New Man” is my
why, what, and how. Why I’m sacrificing who I was in order to become a better
man, father, and provider? It’s simple, my kids. I know this seem generic, and we
all have said “I’m doing this for my kids,” but who’s willing to lose it all, not
knowing if you’ll succeed? I want to leave a legacy my kids will be proud of. I
have a picture of my kids on my screen saver so no matter what I’m doing, I will
always see them smiling. When the alarm goes off in the morning and I don’t
want to wake up or I’m too tired to roll out the bed, I have them to remind me of
my goals. You need this motivation every minute of the day because this journey
can get discouraging along the way. You’re most likely going to go through this
process on your own. You may have support from others, but they won’t
understand your sacrifice. This is when foresight comes into play. You have to
be able to live in the future while you’re in the present. Let me explain this. Every
day I wake, I take one step in the right direction, while still dealing with my current
issues. When I need some motivation, I close my eyes and envision this big
house with my kids running and playing, with big bay windows, with no curtains
on them (because we all know rich people don’t buy curtains because they don’t
have direct neighbors), gated entry, a Cadillac Escalade, a Benz, and Corvette.
Close your eyes now and foresee into your future, and tell me you don’t feel an
ounce of motivation. Now that you have that vision, any time you’re feeling less
motivated, project yourself into your future. Feel the feeling of being there, smell
the scents of your surroundings, and listen to your heartbeat as you experience
it. So now that you feel it go out and achieve it.
 Chapter 4 “I Will Not Be Defeated”
“If you don’t have an emotional connection to why you’re trying to accomplish your goals, the
odds are you won’t reach them or you’ll quit trying” - Brett Hoebel

Nobody wants to experience defeat in any area of life. We all have a life
that highlights our victories and shames our failures, but it's our failures that
promote the most growth. I can honestly say I learned more about myself
through my darkest time. I’ve experienced the most growth through my
hardship. What happens if you never experienced failure? My guess is that you’ll
never have the drive to want more, and therefore you’ll get comfortable
succeeding at the same type of goals. This journey on becoming a new man
didn’t only propel me toward experiencing success throughout life, but growing
and dealing with all my failures and gaining more strength in order to endure
whatever life throws at me. At one point I used to pray that my life gets easier,
but until I realize that no one really has an easy life, some just have more
strength than others, then I started to pray for more strength. We all have money
as our savior, saying things like “If I had more money, I wouldn’t have any
problems,” I’ve said this millions of times, and this isn’t true by a long shot. If this
was the case why do some of the wealthiest people experience depression, or
even commit suicide? It’s simple, “More money, more problems,” so I had to
totally change my ideology on money being the cure for all my problems. Some
examples of how money isn’t the cure to our problems is, what about athletes that
lost millions and end up broke? What about the people that win the lottery for
millions of dollars and within five years they are broke? Lastly, what about the
ones who never had to work because their parents are wealthy, and they never
experience success? I had to change my views about money, and increase my
personal values. If you take the money away from some of the wealthiest people
in the world, over a period of time they would obtain the money back because
they understand the true meaning of value. So, I’m using this period in my life to
become a person of value. I’m reading books by successful entrepreneurs. I’m
taking courses to improve on skills I’m great at, and the ones I want to become an
expert at. I’m reading about becoming a better leader and becoming more
influential in society.
∆∆∆
I will not be defeated, I say this every morning when ironing my work clothes,
every time I feel discouraged, and the times I feel attacked. I say this to give me
the reassurance that I will prevail from any battle, struggle, or hardship I may
face. I finally realized that the moment your life starts to get a little sweeter, the
more bees you’ll have to deal with. At this point, I’m at rock bottom, but I’m
appreciating the process of the climb. It feels like I climb 3 steps and get knocked
down two steps. I’m made for this, I workout 4-5 days a week, so I’m prepared
for the cardio session to success. One of the greatest motivational speakers
whom I listen to daily is Les Brown, he stated: “If you get knocked down, pray to
fall on your back, because if you can look up, you can get up.” This isn’t the first
time I’ve fallen in life, but I feel this one is for the best. I’m familiar with this place
because I come from a place of failure. I come from a place where people seldom
dream, and if they did it was for material things or monetary value, but never for
growth. I don’t have to be sleep in order to have big dreams, I realized my
dreams are nothing but snapshots to my future, so even at my job, I dream.
∆∆∆
I won’t be defeated. I’m more motivated then I’ve ever been. I’ve been placed
in a humbling situation that caused me to change my values and my outlook on
life. I question everything I’ve stood for and the failures that I’ve experienced so
far. I was training a client and good friend of mine one Saturday morning, and I
introduced him to a new workout telling him that if it was a year prior he’d never
attempt it, but after constantly taking him to that point of failure in every workout,
he welcomed every challenge that I presented him with. This particular workout
caused him to jump five feet off the ground on to a platform, and if you never tried
it, it can be pretty intimidating. This was his last drill and I could see the doubt in
his eyes as he gauged the height and calculated his jumping ability. I told him not
to think about it, don’t doubt yourself, failure is mental before it’s physical. He
squatted down and leaped as high as he could, and right at the point of success
he doubted himself and fell short, but instead of disappointment, he displayed
excitement, besides the fact that he failed, he leaped higher than he ever had in
his life. I was so proud of him that day, and now he’s more motivated because he
sees the growth and now he has a new target to aim for. All I'm saying is that if
you never experience failure, you’ll never experience success. Approach every
obstacle that you face and courageously say I won’t be defeated, even to the
point that you welcome failure, but fail forward.
 Chapter 5 “Breaking New Ground”
“A man who won’t change his way of thinking, won’t change anything” - Anonymous

Now that I’ve identified the areas in which I’ve failed at, let’s set the
foundation for new growth and new opportunities. At this point, I felt the strongest
and most motivated than I’ve ever felt in my entire life, and I realized that I can
actually restart from now and build a better foundation for my future. Although I’m
at my lowest point in life at the moment, I still set a multitude of small goals to
accomplish on my journey to becoming a new man. This is my clean bill of
health, and I’m as intrigued by my future as I was in my freshmen year of
college. What also helped me to realize I was on the right path, is when my
mentors stated that they have experienced the same amount of loss, failure, and
disappointment along their way to greatness. Steve Harvey lived in his car for 3
years before he witnessed success. Eric Thomas was homeless, high school
dropout, eating out of the trash cans, and it took him 12 years to earn a 4-year
degree. Les Brown was born in poverty and labeled mentally retarded. I say that
because in order for you to succeed at life in any form, you have to go through
hardship to prove you truly deserve it. No one achieves greatness without
sacrifice, period.
∆∆∆
As I sat down to set my expectations of self, I set goals that were obtainable,
and some that required effort, and some that required God’s favor, but no matter
the difficulty they all have one common goal in mind. I’m teaching myself not to
look up at the major goals I’ve set, but focus on each step individually, to ensure
that I’m giving 100% effort every step of the way. What you’re trying to succeed
at, determines the number of steps you have to take, so take a time out to write
down your goals, and step by step get started on the journey. So, now that I have
this blueprint to my new life goals, I have to become skilled in all areas. When
building a house, you’ll need a Foreman, construction workers, electricians,
plumbers, and carpenters. It’s the same when building yourself. Instead of
having workers to work for you, you have to become skilled in those areas in
order to build yourself (not literally). Your foreman becomes your vision of self,
the construction workers become your motivation, the electricians becomes your
energy and maintaining positive energy throughout the process, the plumbing
becomes your output and giving out positive energy, and last your carpenters
becomes the fabric of your character. The greats say that before you become a
great person, you have to be that person first, it’s a complicated theory, but I’m
finding out that it really works. Rebuild everything and discard anything that holds
you back from attaining your goal. Fire the old construction company that built
your old version and start over.
∆∆∆
My old foundation was built on wanting to become an NFL player, rapper,
millionaire lottery winner. Let’s be real, although there are some that succeed at
these particular endeavors while the percentile of people achieving these feats
are slim to none, and once we fail or don’t achieve them, we get discouraged and
tend to give up. I can’t tell you how many times I thought I was going to hit the
Powerball or win millions from a scratch off. I’ve prayed over my numbers and
used my lucky coin to scratch off my lottery ticket, well I can tell you I’m still not
rich. Richness was my motivation like so many that grew up without and
struggling through life, but I’m grateful and blessed that I didn’t obtain those
things simply because richness can be lost. People go broke after winning the
lottery, and end up in bigger debt and hardships. I now value wealth, and that’s
different, you can’t lose wealth because it’s who you are. Although my account is
sometimes negative, I’m constantly building my wealth by investing in me so that
when I obtain this I will pass it on for generations to come. What is wealth people
may ask? Or some may even equate wealth with a monetary value, and although
it does contribute to it, to me wealth is self-value and personal health. By
becoming healthier, eating right and taking care of my body, my mental diet
changed, my appetite for social media decreased, and I was on a diet of
distractions. My outlook instantly changed, I became more positive in my
thoughts, actions, and interactions. People gravitated to me because I made
them feel good about life. If you’re not physically and mentally healthy, how do
you plan on dealing with the pressure success brings? I read more books, and
my thirst for insight increased tremendously, I was reading 2-3 books at a time,
along with listening to audio books. My knowledge of life grew as I adopted the
habits and lifestyle of some very successful people. By doing all of these things,
it gave me the outlook to write this book. I took courses that added to my value
like, becoming a certified life purpose coach, marketing and branding, and
becoming a better Leader. All of them boosted me into another class in life. I’m
no longer a wisher, wishing things to go my way, hoping for a break, I became a
doer, I made things happen for me, I put together a plan and put action behind it.
My blueprint was a step by step layout to my success. I thanked God every
morning for my journey, my failure, my losses, and defeats. I realized that it’s the
dark places in life that spark the most growth. I’m grateful for everything so far,
and I’ve gained a lot along the way. God gave me reassurance that I’m doing
things the right way, I’m on my road to success, and it wasn’t a tangible thing or
premonition, it was the fact that every morning my heart was full of his love and
my desire to be the man that he wants me to be. God engineered my blueprint
and I simply worked the plans, Thank you, God!
 Chapter 6 “Purpose vs. Passion”
“Definiteness of purpose is the starting point to all achievements” - W Clement Stone

Now that I was in the process of building a better version of myself, I had
to identify my purpose in life. I’ve spent so many years chasing a passion when
your passion is constantly changing, so this means that I was constantly going
from one idea to the next. As a kid, I had high hopes of going to the NFL, then
immediately after High school I was supposed to attend a D-1 institution but I
didn’t, so the odds were stacked up against me, and at that time I didn’t have D-1
talent. When it was impossible for me to go to the NFL, I figured out that I’d give
music a shot. I really spent countless hours and years developing my music
career and craft and I became very good at it, but after years of letdowns, I finally
came to the realization that music wasn’t going to be my life long career. So I
went through a period of just living, and not knowing what I was placed here to
do, but I felt something deep in my core which needed an extra touch to spark it
up. Along with this path of doing nothing important, I started working out and
became really good at it that people paid me to train them. I’ve always had a
passion to uplift and help others, and I would find myself not just motivating
people to be more fit, but also to become better versions of themselves. I poured
into my clients on a daily basis, and I would be drained by 8pm every day,
although I loved it. Although I felt this was my purpose and I became so
passionate about it, but the fact was that I was half-full, and I’m trying to fill up
other vessels. I did this for about a year and a half and it got to the point that my
clients felt like burdens on me, but though I loved and developed great
relationships with each of them, I then began to hate the process. This shows
that passion can be acquired, it can be developed, and the alternative is that
passion can be lost. Throughout this process and over a course of several years,
I finally found my purpose, but since I wasn’t complete, I couldn’t receive any
benefit from the process.
∆∆∆
It came to the point that I stopped accepting new clients and eventually
stopped training the ones I had, I even gave back refunds for advanced
payments. I had to take the time to develop myself. At some point, I will start re-
training, but before I invest in others, I need to invest fully in myself and make
sure I’m whole. I identified my purpose, I cultivated my passion, but I wasn’t
ready to walk into the light of it. Sometimes, we know our purpose and become
passionate about it, but until you are aligned to receive it, it won’t manifest into
something great.
∆∆∆
I know it’s important to have a dream, and dreams give us a reason to live,
and something to shoot for, but don’t get lost in your own dreams. It’s okay to re-
evaluate and change your dreams. Don’t carry dreams from your childhood into
your adulthood, unless you’re working on that dream. My childhood dream of
playing in the NFL was over after I hit a certain age. There’s an age restriction in
the NFL, as every position has an expiration date so being a 30-year-old rookie
was unlikely. Is it possible? Slim to none, but it was no longer a dream of mines.
The same thing happened to my music career, I spent my 20’s and early 30’s
chasing this dream of being a rapper. Is it obtainable? 1 out of a million, but I was
no longer willing to sacrifice time on a music career that I knew may take me
nowhere. Although some rappers excel in their 30’s and 40’s like; Jay-Z, and
Rick Ross to name a few, I didn’t like the odds of succeeding, it was almost like
hitting the lottery. Would you play the lottery and quit your job knowing that you
had a 1 and a billion chances to win, of course not, so why would you do that with
dreams that are unreachable? This transition of me becoming a “New Man,” was
to change everything I disliked about myself, and dedicate 365 days to me
without distractions in order to cultivate me into serving my purpose, and by the
time you’re reading this book, I’ll be walking into the light of it. Chasing your
dreams can be like running on a treadmill. You’re focused on a point, going
nowhere fast. So don’t confuse movement for progress, it’s okay to hit the reset
button.
 Chapter 7 “Give genuine Love”
“Success isn’t the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success. If you love what you’re
doing you will be successful” - Albert Schweiter

I realized that we’re all selfish individuals, some more than others. We do things in hopes that it’s
reciprocated back to us. You may say, “Not me, I’m a giving person,” but what if I say that is not true. You
may give and not expect anything returned that is tangible, but what about when you give and you use that
as leverage to bargain with GOD in order to receive a blessing or breakthrough? I know because that was
me. I would give and tell God, ‘remember when I gave my last $10 to that homeless person? Please let me
cash my blessing in on this lottery ticket,’ and when I didn't hit for the money, I would try to return my
blessing, by saying I’ll use it next time. I realized that I wasn’t giving genuine love. Genuine love is hard to
give because people take advantage of good, genuine people. By giving genuine love you’ll get hurt, you’ll
take losses, and you’ll feel alone, but that’s the same love Jesus gave to man. I’m not getting all biblical, I’m
just stating the facts. As I became a man, I had to learn how to love the ones I’ve caused pain, so when they
reciprocate that pain back to me, I had to send it back as love. I had to learn how to love the people that I
felt let me down or misused my trust. I had to learn to love the ones who hated me for no particular reason,
but no matter what I gave genuine love. As a black man, it can be hard to give genuine love because of the
circumstances that conditioned our mind and thought process. It’s hard to give love when you’re more likely
to not have a father figure to show you how love feels when coming from a man to another man in a paternal
aspect. We display brotherly love to one another, but it’s not as deep-rooted as the love I wished I had
received from my father. My father was present, but his love was absent. He once told me that he didn’t
know how to be a father because he didn’t have one, this was detrimental to a young boy who wanted to be
loved by his dad. I’m still dealing with the side effects of this today. My dad and I have an unusual
relationship, I love him, but I don’t know how to talk or confide in him because we never established that
father/son love. But without this, I had to develop the ability to love without actually knowing how to love,
and without reciprocation. The only way I developed this was through the trial and error method, I’ve hurt
some people in my life and I was also hurt throughout the process. The power of love can change your entire
life, it wasn’t until I read Rhonda Byrnes book titled “The Power” that I actually realized how love was the
cure for all my needs in becoming a better me. The fact remains true, you do receive what you give, but we
think of it as you reap what you sow, but in actual sense, you always reap more than what you sow. I believe
that’s a common law of farming. I’m no farmer, I just did a little research and I believe it to be true. It’s as if
you planted a tree, then that tree grows and produces fruit, now you have the seeds to plant a hundred
trees. So, by giving love even when I’m not feeling loved, I gain more love, but sometimes not the way I’ve
given it. Anything in life that you do with love is typically beneficial to you. They say do what you love and
you’ll never work a day in your life. So in essence, if you give love you’ll never have a bad day, period. I’m
giving genuine love in all aspects of life, for the rest of my life.

∆∆∆
Love challenge
This love challenge is more for me and maybe for you too, if you have
someone in your life that makes loving them difficult, I challenge you to find a
better way to make it easy. For example, I love my dad, but our relationship has
not been smooth and our connection is different. The way I talk to my mom
about my experiences is totally different from the kind of relationship that exists
between my dad and I. I can tell my mom any of my experiences in life, from
work, social, to relationships and she will listen and we may laugh or cry together
depending on the emotions of the situation. My mother and I have a deeper
connection so much so that I find myself mentoring, and motivating her to
accomplish one of her biggest hurdles in life, and that’s getting her GED. I’m
constantly pouring into her daily, trying to get her to break the cycle and free
herself of those generational curses. This is easy because of the kind of
relationship we have. I feel comfortable about holding her accountable in life, my
dad, on the other hand, is a lot more stubborn. He believes his way of thinking to
be right all the time, and even when he’s wrong he wouldn’t even apologize about
being wrong, rather he’ll say something like “I love you, and you’ll be alright.”
We’re like fire and oil, both together can be used for good, but too much of one
can be destructive. I couldn’t motivate my dad because his view about life is
different. He’s a hard worker, all my life he’s worked long hours (12-16 hour
shifts), and he doesn’t have any fruits of his labor. My dad lacks ambition when it
comes to wanting things for his family. He’s comfortable within the struggle, and
he’s survived on the bare minimum. We could’ve been well off now if he had
learned and adopted some of the qualities that his friends had. It irritates me so
much to see a man sit around, smoke cigarettes, live in a state of depression, or
what would be depression for some people, and still remain satisfied. At what
age is success no longer obtainable? At what age do goals diminish, and failures
flourish? To me, my dad died the moment he lost vision of his dreams, or his
desire to find his purpose, now he’s just waiting to be buried. Now that you have
an idea of my reason for having a difficult relationship with my father, I know that
the only way it will get better won’t be because of his actions but mine. I made a
decision that no matter the circumstance involved, on every Sunday I will take my
mom and dad to breakfast as a way of building a bridge over troubled water. The
first time we did it, it was quite awkward, we all sat there on our mobile devices
waiting for the food to arrive. I know that with consistency, we’ll hopefully be able
to discuss our ideas for the week, and I’ll be able to influence both of them that
they still have 30-40 years to live their best life. I challenge you to change the way
and manner in which you distribute your love towards those who make loving
them a challenge.
 Chapter 8 “Small victories”
“For a man to conquer himself is the first and noblest for all victories” - Plato

Try driving out of town without your GPS, or a road map and see how far
you will get. You’ll be lost within an hour or so. Why would you try to navigate life
without a GPS or road map? I can honestly say I did that for years and I realized
I steered further and further away from my dreams and goals. I never outlined
my dreams, and I also never completed the smaller achievements that would
have taken me to my major goal. One day, when my lady and I were cooking and
getting food ready for our meal prep for the week, she asked “you don’t need any
measuring cups?” Me, being the chef Boyardee I thought I was, I’m like nope I
can eyeball the ingredients. Now, mind you she’s very successful in
accomplishing her goals. She has a calendar in the kitchen, in her office, and on
her phone, all of which are keeping her focused on what’s important in her life,
and the things she needs to get completed in order for her to complete her
Master’s program. Now, using all the measuring tools she offered me would’ve
guaranteed my success in completing the meal, and it would have tasted exactly
how it’s supposed to taste according to the recipe. Had I listened to her and
adopted her cooking habits the meal would’ve turned out great, but by saying
“No, I’ll eyeball it,” which resulted to me standing over the pot in the kitchen while
trying to figure out what spices is missing and why it doesn’t taste how I expected
it to. The meal was the goal, and the proper quantity of ingredients was the small
victories. Well, I failed at that goal, but from here on out I will be following the
ingredients as stated. I’ve learned from her how to plan your days out to keep
you focused on your dreams, and using the measuring cups to achieve the
goals. This is also the success habit of all millionaires. I have a daily, weekly,
monthly, and yearly planner now, and I revise it often. I would highly recommend
that you write down the things you spend your time on and prioritize them, and
see how successful you’ll become. Understand that time is more precious than
money, time can be spent, and wasted, but can’t be returned. You can spend,
waste money, and get it back. I spend all my time and resources now on things
that add value to me. I’m executing the small victories. I’ve recently become a
certified Life Purpose Coach, which will help me to become a better mentor and
motivator. I’ve also obtained my Fitness Trainer Certification which will help me in
obtaining more clients, and becoming more knowledgeable about the anatomy of
the human body as it pertains to working out. Completing my degree has been a
struggle for me while dealing with life and the hardships that come along with it. I
had to change my emotions toward my degree because I’ve been in school on
and off for about 13 years, and all through my time there I’ve always made very
good grades, but running out of aid, paying for classes, living expenses, and
being a father caused me to put college on a layaway plan. By becoming
certified, I’ve gained a sense of accomplishment, and this helped me to refill my
drive for my degree. I’ve learned success is one step at a time.
∆∆∆
“Don’t rush the process”
Until you start enjoying the journey, you’ll never enjoy the destination. I
read a quote that stated “Don’t confuse movement with progress,” I was living this
quote because I thought that by being busy, I’ll reach my goals and I found out
the hard way that it's a lie. It’s a difference in being productive and being busy.
Let me explain, by being productive that means you’re doing something to
produce a certain outcome or goal, by being busy means you’re doing something
to occupy your time. The treadmill vs. walking trail method. On the treadmill, you
feel as if you’re working out and moving toward your weight loss goals, and
although you do burn calories since the machine is propelling your feet, you’ll
only burn off a bag of chips during an hour’s time. On the walking trail, even
though the pace may be slower, you’ll burn a lot more calories because of the
factors that come into play, the temperature outdoors, the terrain, and the
location. You actually get to enjoy the scenery as you work on losing weight. I
thank God for this journey, and I found beauty in a place of destruction. The
rebuild is invigorating.
 Chapter 9 “Financial Freedom”
“It is not the man who has little, but the man who craves more, that is poor” - Seneca

One of the most sensitive subjects next to the conversations about sex is
money, duckets, pesos, moola, whatever you want to call it. That little green
paper is the core to a lot of our problems and failures in life today. It can either
make or break a relationship, and too much money can be deadly. This is the
power of “MONEY.” I had some terrible spending habits, and I was addicted to
blowing money. Am I the only one who makes $20 last a week when there is no
money in my account? But when I have money deposited in my account it
disappears like water. What am I doing wrong? How do I budget my earnings so
that I’m not controlled by the constant need of stuff? I really had a fear of
checking my bank account, thinking what mysterious bill or overdraft fee will
come out overnight. I got to the point that I said I’m tired of living like this, I’m tired
of living from paycheck to paycheck, getting loans here and there just to make
ends meet. Who do I go to for help, without being judged? It’s funny how people
will judge you based on your ability to handle money. For the record I inherited
the struggle, I wasn’t taught how to manage finances and college didn’t offer a
course on money management that applied to real life. My mom once told me “If
you owe them, they’ll never be broke.” Basically saying that one should
accumulate debt, and as long as you owe somebody they always have a chance
to get the money back. That was my logic when it came to money matters, just
spend it at all cost (literally). I realized that its money management that makes
you a man, while setting up a foundation to support any needs your family may
experience. Money is an important pillar for the stability of your life.
∆∆∆
In order for me to gain control of my income, I must gain control of
my outcome. Talking to a lot of people, and seeing how we all act as if we’re
good financially, even when it’s hard to pay our bills, this is an attitude birthed
from the struggle to strive mentally. The struggle to strive mentally is when you
struggle while acting as if you’re financially set. That was me, I was the president
of the struggling club, and also a client. I’m comfortable now to talk about it, but it
got to a point that I was ashamed to say I couldn’t manage my money. I became
a minimalist overnight out of necessity. I had to learn the power of money, but
most importantly the power to saving money. Now let me clear the air, I’m no
debt free guru, I’m just becoming more knowledgeable about the proper ways to
save, invest, and spend money, and I’m constantly looking for things to invest in
that can create revenue. I had my cell phone turned off to decrease the
distractions, so that I could focus on my journey and utilize all 24 hrs in order to
better me, and not searching and liking pictures on social media. By doing this, it
drastically decreased a bill, and I had more valuable conversations with the ones
around me, simply because we now discussed issues face to face instead of
conversing via text or chats which is a natural time killer. I stopped going out to
eat and started preparing my meals, which saved me lots of money a week. Prep
typically cost $50, when I’d spend that in 2 days of eating out. I didn’t participate
in any leisure activities because it would take at least $60 - $80 to enjoy myself.
By cutting all of these things, I started using that money to save, or buy a book or
course here and there to help me develop skills that will contribute to my success
and income. I became a certified Life Purpose Coach. I got my fitness training
certification. I stopped paying all these businesses and became my own boss.
Financial freedom isn’t having the money or the ability to spend it freely, but for
me, it was being free of the stress that finances bring, and having the ability that if
I had a problem that came along I would have the finances needed to resolve it.
Save freely, and spend wisely.
∆∆∆
There’s an alternative to the power of money, and it is Daymond John’s theory
“The Power of Broke.” This theory is quite simple, when you’re tired of being
broke you’ll find a way to create income. After reading his book “The Power of
Broke,” I finally realized that I was dwelling in the lowest of the lows, and was
tired of struggling, but what could I do? I don’t have the type of family that will
come together and build an empire because everyone is focused on their own
immediate family, so that was out of the question. I don’t have the carpentry skills
to build anything of value, but what I do possess is the ability to become
innovative in my thoughts, and build people into better versions of themselves,
being the reason why I’m a life purpose and fitness coach. I finally struck gold
when the power of money taught me how to save, and the power of broke taught
me purpose. I read a quote that stated, “A wise person should have money in
their mind, and not in their heart.” It was like I saw the light for the first time in
darkness. Invest in self and you’ll create wealth, is what the power of broke
taught me.
 Chapter 10 “Spiritual Growth”
“Everything is created twice, first in the mind, then in reality” - Anonymous

What is spiritual growth? It’s different from person to person. We all

believe in something outside of ourselves, some more than others. I’m not going
to get all biblical, but your intentions must come from a good place in order to
receive what God has for you. For me, this journey wasn’t so much about going
to church on a regular, and reading the Bible every day, but more of applying
what I’ve learned from different denominations. As a Christian man growing up
and using the information to do God’s work, by doing good unto others, living by
example, and leaving a legacy that my kids and family can be very proud of. I
had to become more spiritual in the flesh and gain control over my energy so that
I’m able to resist the negative influences life will throw at me as I embark on my
path to greatness. By becoming more spiritual, I’m connecting to my inner being
in order to be able to maximize my vibrations, so that people will feel my positive
energy before they see me. Life is a feeling process, we connect with people off
of vibrations and we call it vibes. People who vibrate on a positive frequency will
pour positivity into you, and people who vibrate on a negative frequency will drain
you or take energy away from you. I had to start using discernment when
deciding whom I would share my energy with. Energy vampires do exist, and
you’ll notice them now that I brought it up. Cut off anyone who leaves you
drained or tired after interacting with them. Growing spiritually isn’t always about
religion, sometimes it’s about your connection with life around you. Don’t be
afraid to think outside of yourself and explore what GOD really means to you, and
not the ideology that was projected onto you. I can’t recite the books of the Bible
like I could when I was younger, I can’t spit out bible verses to help reference life
situation, I can’t even recall the last time I held a bible, but the fact that I’m here
going through this process in order to help other men find their light, is enough
proof that God is working within me full time.
 Chapter 11 “I am”

For once in my life I don’t feel as if I’m lost.

I became so good at hiding my pain,
masking my directionless path to my future with conversations about my
ambitions. I had to change the way I dressed internally, before I could change my
external attire. I had to work on the supernatural version of myself, before I could
ever change the superficial. So, before my day starts or ends, I tell my inner
being who I am. I am me, I am strong, I am rich, I am wealthy, I am balanced, I
am positive, I am open, I am wise, I am freedom, I am calm, I am expansive, I am
connected to all that is, I am in the moment, I am here right now, I am fully
present, I am confident, I am motivated, I am driven, I am successful, I am a born
leader, I am energy, I am disciplined, I am focused, I am aware, I am love, I am
joyous, I am happiness, I am valuable, I am abundance, I am the master of my
own thoughts, I am courageous, I am grateful, I am fulfilled, I am gratitude, I am
peaceful, I am a millionaire, I am living a great life, I am boundless, I am happy
with who I am, I am a New Man.
 Chapter 12 “Letters to my kids”
“A man who loves his kids, has found real value” - Anonymous

I changed from a boy into a man the moment I became a father. I was no longer responsible for myself.
Every moment from that day on was spent on trying to provide for my kids. Through all the failures I
experienced one thing remained constant, I was doing it so that I could provide for my babies. I realized my
purpose in life is to give them what I never had. This book is for you individually, I hope you understand why
I made some changes in my life? I hope you gain something from it and learn something about yourselves?
I’m a part of each of you, so reading this you’ll understand yourself.
 My Son’s,

To my oldest son Gerald,

Tank, G3, Duda Head, or Gerald lll, I remember the first day I felt you moving in
your mother’s belly, I was so proud. Your mother and I went over the different
names for you, Gabriel, Gerald, and even Caleb, funny right, since one of your
brother’s is named Caleb. I used to say that I would never name my son after me
because I want him to live in his own light. I remember singing to you and
watching you react to me while touching your mom’s stomach, I knew for sure
that we would have a great father-son bond. God gave me a son, I’m blessed,
and I’m blessed to be your father. The day I held you after the doctors placed
you in my arms, I wanted to breakdown crying, not out of fear, but because I
finally had a purpose to live. I was so protective of you that I wouldn't allow them
to take you to the nursery, I waited all my life to meet you, and I didn’t want to
waste a moment of it. While you and your mom were bonding, I ran down to the
souvenir shop and purchased an “It’s a boy” football, and walked back to the
room as if I just won the Hiesman trophy. I never won anything in life or had done
anything worth celebrating at that point in my life, and then God gave you to me.
When you were born and I looked into your eyes, all the other possible names
went out of the window. We’ll name him after me, Gerald lll. Your mom called you
“Poota Woo,” don’t ask son I know what you’re thinking, and since you were so
muscular and solid like I was as a baby “Tank” just felt right. The name that
symbolize strength, leadership, and fearlessness, it fits you so well. I’m writing
you this letter son just to let you know that I love you with all the life in me. I know
I may be tough on you, but trust me it’s coming from a good place, and maybe
you’ll understand once you become the man I know you can be. This transition
wouldn’t mean much to me without you and your younger brother’s, I hope you
took the time out to read this to see why I made the decisions I did. I wasn’t the
man I was supposed to be for you, I had to focus on me, so I was able to be a
better father for you and your siblings. I want to be a man that you can be proud
of and base your manhood around. Son, please believe in yourself no matter
what, when your mother and I fear the failure you may experience, please
continue to chase your dreams no matter what. Live up to the meaning of your
name, “Gerald,” a ruler with a spear, you’re a warrior by nature, you were born a
king. You conquer every obstacle life throws at you with ease and I love to
witness the greatness in you. You never back down from a challenge, and you
hate to lose, and because of those qualities, you’ll be great in life. I want you to
know that me critiquing you isn’t because I don’t see the good in you, but I just
know that nothing grows strong without being cultivated. I believe in you son, and
I will be here for you every step of the way. I will always give you encouraging
words, a bandage when you fall, but most importantly the freedom to be you. I
love you son, be persistent in life, but stay patient and put God first and you’ll
reach your pinnacle.
 Caleb,

You and I spent countless days together when you were a baby. I was a stay at
home dad for the majority of your first year of life. You were the child birthed from
me and your mom’s marriage. We planned you and we were happy to be married
while having you. I was overjoyed when we found out that we were having you, 2
sons and 1 daughter, I figured out that my family was completed. There was
never a debate about our name for you, Caleb was agreed upon immediately.
Everybody I knew named “CJ” was an amazing athlete, so for me it was easy, I
named you “Caleb Jeremih” in hopes that you’ll live up to my theory. I can say
the name fits you perfectly because you’re my little ball of energy and emotions.
You’re witty, smart, and an amazing little/big brother. I saw a glimpse of your
athleticism when you played on your older brother’s flag football team. I was
amazed at your natural talent, being 4 years old and playing with 8-year-olds, I
was so proud at the sight of that. I’m amazed at your growth and the amount of
knowledge you’ve obtained in your first 6 years of life. You know all about
dinosaurs, animals, and any other creature and you never miss the opportunity to
display your brilliance. If someone says something wrong, you’ll reply by saying
“Actually it’s called….” I love that about you, you challenged people, and I want
to tell you to never stop running, never stop questioning, never stop exploring, it’s
better to run to your dreams. Remember that although you’re the second
youngest, you’re also the 4th oldest. So, set a great example for your baby
brother because you’re his best friend, and he really looks up to you. I remember
so vividly when you were sleeping on my chest as a baby, to graduating Pre-k,
and kindergarten, and I can’t wait to witness the imprint you leave on the world. I
love you son, and I’ll always be here for you.
 Christian,

Chunky you’re my baby boy, my youngest son, but I never really got to enjoy
you as a baby because you grew up so fast trying to keep up with your siblings.
You’re the real definition of “Boss Baby” with the attitude and independence to
match. You were a surprise, but the final addition the family needed to become
complete. You’re so much like me in many ways, from your frown, the way you
make people laugh, and your passion for everything you want. People joked
about you being a daddy’s boy, no matter where I was you would find me, and
photo bomb all my selfies. You’re young now and have so much life ahead of
you. I’m amazed at how smart you are at 5 years old, and I guess I credit CJ for
always correcting you when you mispronounce things. I can’t wait to see you
develop into your own, and I cherish the time you ask me to pick you up because
I know the time will come when you will no longer want me to pick you up.
Watching you and Caleb’s relationship makes my heart smile, I never had a
brother and if I did I would’ve wanted us to be like you and CJ. Trust the process,
learn from your brother’s mistake, and stay confident in yourself. These 5 years
flew by, and I love you to life and will always be here for you.
Son’s, I want to let you guys know I had to make changes to myself so that I
can become a man you could be proud of. I may have been absent in some
aspects of life and it wasn’t because I didn’t love you, I just have to develop
myself so that I can be of use for you along your journey of manhood. We will
develop a strong bond, a strong connection, and I hope when you become men,
you can say my dad was a great man who I wanted to be like. Love Dad,

My Daughter’s

Gabi,
To my whole heart in living form, my gift, my blessing, my warrior, my Gabi. 11
months and 3 weeks after we had our first child, GOD gave me my heart.
Because of you, I was able to experience a unique love, a love that every Father
has for his daughter. You’re my reason for never missing a day at the gym
because I have to be able to pick you up no matter how old you get. I have to be
your protector, your superhero, your best version of what a man should be. You
see love, and every day you remind me of how loving you are, I wish I saw the
world with your heart. You have no idea about the amount of change you caused
me. I had to re-evaluate my life, my purpose, and my view on manhood. Am I a
guy I would want you to marry? I qtioned myself. You’re so compassionate,
caring, loving, and nurturing. You see the world full of peace and possibilities,
you are who your name implies, “God is Gracious,” this was true in so many ways
that you’ll understand now. Going through the health issues we faced when you
were less than a year old, helped me to grow and trust in God. You’re my
strength, and you’re my gift from GOD. I want to tell you to bless the world with
your light and don’t let anyone dim it. You see the world through God’s eyes, and
because of that, you’ll bless everyone you come in contact with. Your smile will
change the world. I will never forget holding you in one arm and making a muscle
with my other arm, but in fact, it was you who was giving me strength. I love you
wholeheartedly, and you love me back. I won’t forget when you said I could live
with you once you get older, and I’ll have my bags packed. I love you Gabi
(Wabi), and I hope you’re proud of me.
 Gianna,

My Gianna, Jamari, Gigi, Ladybug is what I called you the day you were born.
I remember coming to see my baby sister give birth to you. I felt as if I were
having another baby, who would’ve known that I would be your father only 3
years later. Although I’m not your biological father, I love you as if I am. You are
a part of me because I see traces of myself in you. I remember when you first
started walking, when you lost your first tooth, and the moment you broke out of
the shell you were in. Your mother played a major part in your growth, and she
never treated you any differently because you were a part of her as you are of
me. We’re blessed to have you as our daughter, the relationship you and “Gabi”
has is something out of a Disney movie. Watching how all your brothers and
sisters compete for your attention shows how loved you are by all. It was a
journey for us as a family to get a grasp on things when we gained custody of
you, not a burden, but we had to figure out how to make ends meet without you
going without. I’m blessed to have the opportunity to call you my daughter. You’ll
achieve great things because you’re smart, beautiful, and a born leader. I can’t
wait to witness the goals you will accomplish in life. You remind me of your mom
(my sister) when she was younger, a little rough, and like to play with the boys,
but still being a young lady. I am your father, and no one can take that from me.
Ladybug I can’t wait until you spread your wings and show the world how
beautiful you are. Stay true to yourself and never second guess who you are. I
love you ladybug.
Daughters, I wanted to show you that I’m a man of value. I had to self reflect
and work on me, so that I can become the best father for you ladies. I wasn’t a
man that I could see you with, but with that, I love you ladies with all of me.
Making you proud of me is my motivation to change for the better. I love you to
life.

Love Dad,