Etting Limits: A 5-Step Plan To Set Limits With Empathy
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Aimee HallEtting Limits: A 5-Step Plan To Set Limits With Empathy
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Aimee HallSETTING LIMITS
A 5-STEP PLAN TO SET LIMITS WITH EMPATHY
Thank you for downloading the 5-step strategy that will help you
set limits with calm and empathy!
Do you need more support and inspiration to teach your kids
how to deal with strong emotions?
Download the printable set of Easy Calming Strategies for Kids
and discover how to create a calm down kit for your child and
use the printable posters and cards to teach self-regulation.
(click on the image below to get more details)
(c) playfulnotes.com
SETTING LIMITS
A 5 STEP PLAN TO SET LIMITS WITH EMPATHY
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Children need us to set limits for them because this is how they learn how to control their emotions and behave better.
In fact, our ability to set limits with calm and empathy is an essential factor in raising happy and responsible children.
But setting limits is not always easy, so having a plan in place can make a big difference in managing challenging
situations.
Here is a 5-step plan that you can use anytime you need to set a limit with your child.
(As we go through these steps, I'll also share with you some examples of phrases that you can use. I've used as an example the
situation when the child refuses to stop playing when it's time for the bedtime routine because I think many parents can relate
to this situation.)
1 REGULATE YOUR EMOTIONS.
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It's easy to get triggered when your child breaks a rule or tests a limit, but your ability to stay calm plays a huge
role in how you manage to handle the situation.
Start by reminding yourself not to take the behavior personally. Children don't misbehave to give you a bad
time, they are just going through a struggle and need your help to overcome it.
2 ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD S POINT OF VIEW AND
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BE EMPATHETIC
This will help your child feel safe and connected. When your kids know that you are on their side, they are
more likely to cooperate with you.
So start by acknowledging your child's perspective. Then show them empathy and let them know that you care
about how they feel.
e.g., "You enjoy playing so much! It's hard to stop playing when it's time for bed, isn't it? You wished you could have
played many more hours!"
3 SET A CLEAR AND KIND LIMIT.
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The best way to do this is by keeping the language simple and using short and clear requests.
e.g., "It's time for the bedtime routine now, so I need you to stop playing." / "I can't let you keep playing right now
because it's already late and we need to get ready for bed."
(c) playfulnotes.com
4 INVITE COOPERATION USING ONE OF THESE METHODS:
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Redirect
When this is possible, redirect your child by offering an alternative they can do instead.
e.g., "You could pick one toy to take with you in the bed if you like." / "If we manage to go quickly through the bedtime
routine, we will have time for an additional story before going to sleep. What do you think?"
Offer autonomy
The easiest way to do this is by giving two choices for your child to choose from.
e.g., "Do you want to start the bedtime routine now or you need 5 more minutes to say "goodbye" to your toys?" / "Do
you want to wash your teeth first or put on your pajamas" / "Do you want me to pick pajamas for you or do you want
to do it yourself?"
Offer support in finding a solution
Let the child know that you are open to finding a solution that works well for both of you. Start by asking an
open-ended question and encourage your child to come up with possible solutions.
e.g., "You still want to play, but it's late, and I need you to get in bed on time. How can we solve this?"
Use a playful approach
This method works great with young children. Instead of making the request sound like an order, turn it into a
playful invitation.
e.g., "I see a child who is not yet ready for the bedtime routine! Oh, and it's so late! What if I would fly you to the
bedroom like an airplane so you can quickly pick your favorite pajamas?"
Picking one of these methods depends on your child's age and personality.
5 ACCEPT YOUR CHILD S EMOTIONS AND REMAIN CALM
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IF THEY TEST YOUR LIMIT.
Even if the above methods work great for setting limits, sometimes no matter what you do, your child will have
a difficult time listening to you. The secret to handling these situations is accepting your child's feelings while
remaining firm on your limit.
Sometimes your limits might trigger intense feelings in your kids. They may start crying, screaming, or getting
very angry. Use all the tips in the section about helping kids deal with strong emotions to handle these
situations in a calm and positive way.
In time, you will see that it gets easier for your child to listen to your requests if you offered them the chance to
express their feeling and you listened to their emotions.
(c) playfulnotes.com
