Lydell (2-2, 3rd, #7) vs.
Matt (2-2, 4th, #1)
The league’s resident dad suffered a devastating loss in week 4. Losing to Alec by less than 2, it
swung the standings several positions, and instead of having the Old Man at 3-1 and in first
place the loss dropped him down to 2-2 and 3rd place. Now he’s looking to rebound, and beat
his first born son harder than Bing Crosby. However, currently Lydell is projected to lose by
more than 10 points, even with a 10 point head start from Jimmy Graham on Thursday night’s
Bears victory. Now Mahomes, Dalvin, Singletary, Hopkins, Ridley, Chark, Landry, and Aiyuk are
plugged in to try and pull off the Upset.
After starting the season 2-0 with more than 150 points in both games, I suffered 2 close losses
in both weeks 3 and 4. While my roster is still ranked #1 according to ESPN, I am sitting in 4th
place, and could potentially drop to a losing record. My dad’s roster and their projected points
feels criminally low, much like the awareness of Bing Crosby’s child abuse is criminally low, and
I can definitely see myself losing. But, hopefully Russell Wilson, David Johnson, James
Robinson, Keenan Allen, Jamison Crowder, Darwin Schultz, Cris Carson, Miles Sanders, and
Raheem Mostert live up to their potential in order to bring me back to the top of the standings.
Ryan (2-2, 7th, #9) vs. Adam (2-2, 6th, #6)
Ryan lost more than just a game in week 4. Minimally losing Austin Ekeler, a top10 back prior to
injury, for 3 weeks, but potentially for significantly more, Ryan dropped from number 3 in the
Power Rankings, to number 9. Add on 3 empty bench slots for some reason, which in and of
itself is strange, but especially with expanded bench slots during a Covid year makes absolutely
no sense. After putting up less than 80 points last week, this team is obviously being miss
treated worse than Bing Crosby mistreated his children at the hands of Ryan. Even with 12.6
points from Mike Evans on Thursday, Ryan is still projected to have one of the lowest scores in
the league for week 5. Deshawn Watson, Derrick Henry, JD McKissic (LMAO), Robert Woods,
Michael Gallup, Darren Waller, Janu Smith, and Russell Gage will likely result in a week 5 loss.
This is unfortunate, especially since Ryan had a great start to the year, and had a lot of
potential. For Shame, Ryan, for shame.
Adam is all but guaranteed a win this week, and will jump to 3-2 and a likely top 4 standing. In
addition to this week 5 likely victory, Adam will rub salt in Ryan’s wounds like Bing Crosby
rubbed salt in his children’s wounds, and start Austin Ekeler’s backup, Joshua Kelley. Now
Brees, Kamara, Drake, Boyd, Watkins, Olsen, Gurley, and Gibson are gonna feel pretty good
about themselves in a few hours.
Kenny (2-2, 5th, #8) vs. Logan (1-3, 8th, #4)
118.4 vs. 118.3. That’s the projected finish for this game. If Logan hadn’t told me he didn’t care,
and was likely going to quit the league next year, I’d probably put this game as the Gentlemen’s
Club Game of the Century...of the Week. But, Logan did tell me he doesn’t care and that he’s
likely going to quit the league next year. So….Brady, Mixon, Conner, Tyreek, Cooper, Ertz,
Hunt, Fuller V, and Lamb round out Logan’s roster, or something, I don’t know, I don’t care.
[Insert Bing Crosby joke.]
Kenny’s team is ranked #8 by ESPN, but that feels wrong, much like Bing Crosby kid beating is
wrong. Bridgewater, Jacobs, Ronald Jones, Thielen, Lockett, Hooper, Scary Terry, OBJ, and
Robby Anderson feels like a really solid lineup, even with Julio Jones injured on the bench.
Hopefully Kenny wins, because losing to a disinterested opponent is just frustrating.
Jack(1-3, #5) vs. Dan (1-3, 10th, #10)
Jack’s team is underachieving according to ESPN. With a top 5 roster construction, this 1-3
team should be doing better. And if they don’t start to turn it around soon, Jack’s gonna blow a
gasket. Much like Bing Crosby blowing a gasket against his children’s face, and a matchup
against the league’s worst team might be just what Jack’s team needs to jump start a winning
streak. Kyler, Clyde, D’Ernest Johnson, DJ Moore, Kupp, Kittle, JuJu, Hollywood Brown, and
Justin Jefferson are projected to beat Dan by more than 10 points.
Dan’s team is really ugly. Uglier than Bing Crosby’s kids after being hit in the face with a sack of
oranges until they are unconscious. This team is so ugly it’s worse than Ryan’s team which has
3 less players than any other team in the league. It’s so ugly, Logan, who couldn’t name a single
player on his own roster, is way better than Dan’s team. This team is so ugly it uses group
photos on it’s Tinder account. It’s so ugly that when it stuck its head out the window it got
arrested for mooning. It’s so ugly that when it went to a freak show they let it in for free. It’s so
ugly that that its mother breast fed it through a straw. It’s so ugly that when it went to the
proctologist the Dr. stuck his finger in its mouth. It’s so ugly that when Dan took his team to the
beach they asked him what he used for bait. It’s so ugly that when the Dr. cut the cord after
Dan’s team was born he hung himself. Dan, your team is ugly. Dak, Ingram, Malcolm Brown,
Parker, Slayton, Kelce, AJ Brown, Diontae Johnson, and Shenault are just so ugly. God, it’s
ugly.
***Gentlemen’s Club Game of the Century...of the Week*
Cord (3-1, 2nd, #2) vs. Alec (4-0, 1st, #3)
The battle for first place is all but decided. Alec’s undefeated run is likely coming to an end as
most of his team is full of Covid and can’t play in week 5. Aaron Jones, Kenny Golladay, James
White, Melvin Gordon, Adrian Peterson are all unable to play. Add on the uncertainty of the still
injured Michael Thomas, Alec is likely just throwing in the towel. Much like a 4 year old would
give up in a fight against Bing Crosby. Ryan, Gaskin, Edwards, ARob, Diggs, Hurst, Thomas,
Cooks, and John Brown construct this losing roster.
Cord will likely find himself in the familiar position of 1st place on Monday. His roster of Lamar,
Zeke, Monty, Metcalf, Miller, Andrews, Taylor, McKinnon, and Davis will absolutely knock out
Alec’s feeble team like Bing Crosby and Ike Turner teaming up on a 5th grader. I guess if the
GC can’t have Dan in first, it has to have Cord.
