Yellow-uses same concept or continued the text with same idea

Orange- fix it grammatically and reworded if necessary

Green- use the concept

Essay A: (500 words maximum) Describe your post-undergraduate goals. Why is a business degree from
Berkeley Haas essential in helping you achieve these goals? Tip: We understand Berkeley Haas has a world-
renowned reputation, strong alumni network and majors have easier access to business courses. Aside from these
factors, why do you feel earning an undergraduate degree from Berkeley Haas is a necessary step in pursuit of your
post-undergraduate goals?

I want to start by saying that it would be an honor to get a degree from haas school for family and I. I always have
the inspiration and wish that one day that I would make it to this point of life and to touch the door of an important
university. I want to be part of this amazing university because of the student environment, for the educational
system and I want to be ready for the challenges of today and the world of tomorrow.

This will be an enrichment to myself with knowledge of this institution. I want to be part Berkeley Haas and to make
changes in my personal and intellectual growth I am sure the\at i will acquirrect different skill to walk my
organizational success
Essay B: Describe a time when something important to you did not work out as planned. How did you
respond and what did you learn from the situation?
When I was eight years old, I was accepted to come to the United States legally by my father because he is a
resident but then he helps my mother to come to this country because my mother didn't trust my father and possibly
he will try to disappear with me. My parents have an agreement that after my mother gets here illegally then they
will try to bring me here. When my mother begins her journey to the United States, I have to move with her
grandparents. I lived with my mother in the urban area but then after this situation I moved to a rural area where life
was very different.
After a few months living with my grandfather, he told me that I have to work in the field and take care of the cattle
while he took care of someone else’s. Every day in the morning, I have to wake up to go move the cattle from the
barn to a place where they can eat, then come back home, have free time and get ready for school, then get the cattle
back to the barn. For the time to sow crops, I got up early as usual and then I had to stay to work in the fields to sow
and take care of the crops of corn, beans and tomatoes. For these things that my grandfather forced me to do, I was
able to overcome this obstacle and continued my education. I was totally oppressed by him but I did not lose
because I was always figuring out a way to make myself happy.
This was an experience that led me to think about many things in life and defined who I am today because I was for
around six year with my grandfathers where I suffered a lot of violence, contempt, humiliation and injustices.
Overall, I dont have my grandparents but I don't feel anything for them. I learned how to get alone because I was
alone for many hours and I never felt that he was a person to admire and a person that could give me advice because
he was a misogynist. I never focused on the present because It was hurting me, my hope was to see my mother again
and to be someone that my relatives and people will admire. I learned that life is not a smile and that there is a lot of
brutality involved and injustice but you can live life with happiness, peace and full of gratitude moments.

D: Is there any other information you would like to share that is not presented elsewhere in the application?
Tip: Use this essay to explain academic issues, grade disputes or personal/family/medical circumstances you want
the Admission Committee to be aware of. This year there are unique circumstances impacting applicants to Berkeley
Haas. You may also use this essay to discuss how you’ve been impacted by matters such as the pandemic, social
unrest and/or natural disasters

During my life, I have changed many different institutions for my education due to family stability and instability. I
always was constant with my attendant to schools and my commitment to them was always for my success. Beside
my mother that always said “go to school” and the professor that said “ You can be someone in life because you
have the potential” there is not anyone else that can feel proud in how much I have reached this level and will get to
than me. I have a decent education that lets me prepare for today 's challenges. I moved to Oakland in October,
2015 and went to Oakland High school for my diploma where I was so disappointed with myself because I could not
give my best and compete with other students due to not knowing the new language English. I was put in a program
called newcomer and Ihave a hard time learning with the professor of the pathway. I went to college with my bad
english pronunciation and writing skill. First semester, I found out that it was almost impossible for me to
understand the different word vocabulary that was used in the institution and that assignments were more dedicated
with a short deadline. For the first year, I suffered from mental problems for the inefficiencies with my English. I
have practiced a lot my pronunciation, writing skills and developed techniques to navigate in college more normal
than my first year. My first professor for English, I dropped because the class was more political and I don't have an
idea about the politics of this country, the second was not organized and was frustrated with many students. For the
same reason as my first english professor, I received an F on History 7A and I was not awarded the deadline to drop
the class. For business 1a my listening english skills were not great and I could not understand the professor well.
Business 10 was my first class online and I was not able to use the online platform.

University of california
Required question
● Please describe how you have prepared for your intended major, including your readiness to succeed in
your upper-division courses once you enroll at the university.

The key comprehension strategies( Uses these way of reading Using Prior Knowledge/Previewing,
Identifying the Main Idea and Summarizing,Questioning and visualizing)

Please answer any 3 questions below

1. Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve
disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.
I have immigrant friends and also friends that want to leave school. Create]a motivational message why school is
important
2. Every person has a creative side, and it can be expressed in many ways: problem solving, original and
innovative thinking, and artistically, to name a few. Describe how you express your creative side. Sharing
time with many people and alone. I have develop a create side of me to success and find a way out for hard situation
3. Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this
challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement? ( (essay b from haas can go here)
4. Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a
strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?
I think that my achievements of having completed high school and never having missed a year of studying make me
a dedicated person and a winning person and I feel that I can deserve this and much more. I come from nothing and
trying new things will never make me a loser but even more I have the faith to have much and enrich my educational
knowledge and transform many people. I don't have my excellent GPA but I think I have done my best and I have
learned a lot in five years of living in this country and learning the language from scratch. When I was little, I
dreamed of being a policia because there were those who combat violence, but over time I realized that the best way
to combat violence is studying.