How to Handle a Woman's Relationship Demands (Case Study)

By: Chase Amante (/users/chase-amante)

(/users/chase-amante)

When a woman makes rela onship demands, you're in a bind. Concede and keep the girl, but lose your power. Or decline and keep your power, yet lose the girl. How do you break the
bind?
If you've ever hit a rela onship stumbling block, you've likely fielded rela onship demands from a woman.
A 'rela onship demand' is what we call it when a woman tells you, "Here's how it's got to be," or, "This is what you must do to
be with me."
She sets out a mandatory term for the con nua on of the rela onship... which puts you in a bit of a pickle (assuming you'd
like that rela onship to con nue).
In the Western world, everyone likes to talk about equality and the unalloyed goodness of female empowerment and all that.
Yet the reality is rela onships are hierarchies. One person or other will be on top.
When a woman makes demands, and you concede to them, what happens to your posi on rela ve hers inside the hierarchy?
Well, your posi on goes down, while hers goes up.
She accrues more rela onal power, while you have less rela onal power.
For reasons we won't get into here, this is not a desirable outcome. (if you need to understand why le ng a woman be the
man in a rela onship is bad, read this ar cle (//www.girlschase.com/content/rela onship-control-and-female-
domina on))
However, when she hits you with a demand, it puts you in a ght spot:
Give into the demand, and yield rela onal power to her, or
Refuse the demand, and make her feel the rela onship is hopeless
Today I'll share with you an incident of how I handled rela onship demands from a woman, and detail for you why and how I
handled them the way I did.

Backstory: Why She Made a Demand

Recently I picked up an iPad Pro to draw on.
It was a great buy; I've used it for Girls Chase as I sketch out a new and different layout for the site, and I'm using it for fun to
prac ce all kinds of art.
At the Apple Store, as I was buying the iPad and Apple Pencil, the Apple Store guy asked me if I wanted to buy a case. I said
sure, let's see what you have, then checked the cases out.
The only case on the racks I liked was some leathery O er case. Burgundy color, nice feel... and then I checked the price tag:
$115.
Seemed a bit much for an iPad case.
However, I was in a big rush, and my schedule has been extra ght recently.
So I weighed my op ons:
1. Surf around for an hour or two online reviewing different iPad cases, hun ng for a good value, then order one, wait for it
to arrive in the mail, see if I liked it; if not, return it and begin the process anew
2. Try to find a store that sells iPad cases that are a be er bargain than the obviously-luxury iPad cases you get at the Apple

Store, then commute there and start bargain hun ng

3. Just buy this ridiculous $115 iPad case and be done with the whole thing

I actually rarely buy new things (I haven't even gone clothes shopping much of late), usually because even if there's something
I need to buy I end up pu ng it off for want of me.
I've been meaning to buy a new laptop for over a year; the M1 MacBook Pro was out of stock at the Apple Store I visited,
however. So maybe next year...
Anyway, the point is, frivolous spending like this is a rarity for me. In this case it was purely to save me, as me for me is the
most precious thing (if you're someone in the "I'm willing to trade lots of me to save small amounts of money" head space,
this won't make sense to you; read The Millionaire Fastlane (h ps://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Fastlane-Crack-
Wealth-Life me/dp/0984358102) by MJ DeMarco to get an understanding of it if you want to).
All that is to say: I bought a $115 iPad case, which is, obviously, way overpriced.
Fast forward a bit. At her place, my gal asked me how much the new iPad cost. The price bugged her. She's a frugal chick and
wasteful spending is one of her biggest pet peeves. I said look, this thing's already paid for itself. I was going to have to hire a
few people to blueprint a new layout for my site and I'd end up paying more just for that than the cost of this whole iPad. And
I'll be using it for the next 5 years. So please chill!
She relaxed about it.
Then the next morning she no ced the case and asked how much that cost.
$115.
Buying an iPad for business is something she could understand.
But buying a $115 iPad case?
That she could not understand at all.
It looked like the very kind of wasteful, profligate spending she hates with every element of her being.
So, she argued with me over it.
I grew annoyed at an argument over what was, to me, something not worth arguing about ("a ra onal person who disagreed
with a purchase might say, 'Hey, that's too much. Could you return that and I'll help you find a less expensive one?'" I told her).
The argument spiraled; she began airing out other grievances, I aired some of mine, and we decided there was simply no
common ground to be found between us.

It started feeling like there was simply no way to mend the gap.
I le the apartment, planning never to return. As I le , she, frowning, growled at me, "Don't contact me for ANYTHING." (I
ask her to help me order stuff, book things, etc.)
"Wasn't gonna," I said.
I've split with this girl a few mes, only for her to immediately get me back. So I figured there was some chance of her doing
that again... but this me felt pre y final. More so than the others.
I wrote her off mentally in my head, went downtown to grab a meal, and planned out a rough schedule for how I'd spend my
next week, now that I'd have this extra me from not being with her. Spend that extra me on business? Or devote it all to
approaching and dates?
Before I could cement my plan though, she started calling.
First it was to air more grievances. The biggest one was that she felt like we had no rela onship and didn't understand each
other. She said she felt like if I died it wouldn't even have that much of an impact on her. That's... kind of a big problem.
(in this par cular case, she's right; I've had deeper/more magical connec ons with other girlfriends. This is actually something
I like about the rela onship... I'm a busy guy and I really don't need the distrac on of a brain-commandeering romance. But it
turned out I let this rela onship get a li le too cool)
I said I was sorry she felt that way. Then I said I guess it's a li le late to do anything about it now though.
She said she guessed there was nothing to talk about, and we hung up.
A few minutes later, she called again, this me to make her key rela onship demand:
She'd take me back if I returned that iPad case.
"The only thing I care about is money," she added. "All our arguments are about money. If you come back, we will probably
fight about money again in the future." It was sort of a weird statement, coming from a girl who rarely spends money at all and
is a super saver. But I realized what she meant: almost every argument I've had with her is triggered by me spending money on
something -- from frozen pizzas to some guy in need in an airport to this iPad case -- that she doesn't think I should be
spending money on.
"So will you return it?"
"That doesn't sound like a rela onship I'd want to go back to," I said, "if we are just going to argue about the same stupid stuff
again and nothing will change."
"Okay," she said. She told me she would think of me as 'brave' if I 'stepped out' and didn't get back together with her.
"Guess you can think I'm brave then, because it looks like that's what I'm doing," I said. We hung up a er that.
Then she called again, pressing on her same demand:
Will you return the iPad case?
Geez, she's really hung up on this.
Well, I didn't like the demand.
I didn't like it one bit.

Relationship Demand Ultimatums

"I'll take you back if you return that case," is an ul matum.
Ul matums are bad, and the way this one was framed was par cularly bad.
Here's the breakdown:
An ul matum is another person telling you "My way or the highway." Either you do what I want, or get lost. It puts both
par es in a bind:
If you do what she wants, you've given up power to her with your concession. You weaken yourself in the
rela onship; meanwhile she grows stronger.
If you don't do what she wants, you drive a nail into the rela onship's coffin, because the ul matum doesn't only
bind you, it also binds her. If you say no, she's already commi ed herself to kicking you down the highway, and she
now more or less has to s ck to it.
In addi on to the ul matum was the framing. Look at that framing: "I'll take you back." Who's the prize
(//www.girlschase.com/content/i-am-prize-how-really-get-mindset-women) here? Her. Who must do the chasing to get
the prize? Me. Who's that framing favorable to, and who's it not? Favorable to her. Unfavorable to me.
The ul matum was structured such that compliance by me would be chasing.
Non-compliance by me would be a rejec on.
Both, in this emo onal context, were bad, bad op ons.
Why were they bad?
Well because
 1. Chasing in any situa on is bad (//www.girlschase.com/content/why-chasing-women-doesn%E2%80%99t-work-and-
why-persistence-does). In a situa on where you've had a fight and the woman's been unreasonable it's worse.
Chasing her a er she is unreasonable wipes away any consequences for her lack of reason and sets you up as a yellow-
bellied wimp who will drop his standards and chase her for a shot to get her back.
2. Yet at the same me, rejec ng a hurt, emo onal woman who's reached out to you to try to mend things is also bad.

She's gone out on a limb, exposed herself, and taken the risk. Punishing that risk with the s ng of rejec on makes her less
likely to try to resolve things proac vely in the future. Even if you don't want to get back together with her, punishing her
proac ve a empt is s ll a not-nice call because she ends up hurt (//www.girlschase.com/content/dont-hurt-girl-
importance-expecta ons) and you make her less likely to proac vely try to fix things in her future rela onships.
So there I was, seated in a restaurant, halfway through my dinner, 75% of the way finished planning out my rough schedule for
my next week freed up from ongoing rela onship obliga ons, ge ng hit with an ul matum from an emo onal woman over
the phone.
"What will you do?" she asked me. "Will you return the case?"
At the me I was cha ng online with Alek Rolstad (//www.girlschase.com/ar cles-by-author/alek-rolstad). We talked about a
few other things, and then I men oned this rela onship that'd just ended. Then I men oned the girl was calling me.
While she was urging me to make a decision, Alek was messaging me to hold off on making a decision, no ng that if I was
emo onal about things at all I was going to be fuzzy-headed and maybe not make the best decision.
It was good advice. But I don't get much emo onal over rela onship endings, and am generally cool-headed even if
something's affected me a bit.
However, his advice on delaying things was the right call.
Whenever women hit me with rela onship demands (or other demands... women will hit you with weird demands in pickup
situa ons some mes too), I have one default response I use to buy more me to consider my strategy:
"I'll need to think about it."
So that's what I told her.
"You need to think about it?" she asked.
"That's right," I said.
There was a pause.
"How long?" she said.
"Maybe 10 or 15 minutes," I said. "I'll call you back."
"Okay..." she said. Her voice trailed off. And I hung up.
The moment I did, the wheels in my head started turning about a.) whether I wanted this girl back and b.) how I'd frame things
in the event I did.

What "I'll Have to Think About It" Does

Not all women are the proac ve "Here's what I propose" types.
I tend to like girls like this, because I always have a lot of things going on and girls who aren't asser ve enough with me tend to
get forgo en by me (and steamrolled).
But you may date girls who don't propose things as much.
Even with most shy girls, however, you'll tend to get a proposal once in a blue moon.
What telling her, "I'll have to think about it," does is put her on ice.
She's thrown her proposal out there; now she must wait.
 Now the tables have turned.
What does she feel while she is wai ng?
She feels the eager helplessness of the chaser.
She's proposed to you; now she's stuck in limbo while she waits for you to decide.
You shouldn't always make women wait for your answer. I only do it when I'm genuinely unsure how I want to respond to a
proposal at first.
Typically though, when it happens I'm unsure, it's because it's in some kind of difficult situa on like this, where I'm not too
keen on the proposal, and I need to think how to deal with its rela onship demands.
The result is that at least for me, whenever I use this, the effect tends to be that it flips power back into my corner in the
rela onship from a woman who's just tried to steal it.
She framed herself as the prize to be won.
But when she asked if I'd try to win her, I told her to wait while I made up my mind.

The Strategy
As I thought about this situa on, I had a few thoughts:
A. IfI wanted to end this rela onship (the arguments with this girl can be irksome), this was the perfect exit. I was already
out, it was a clean break, and all I'd have to do at this point was say "Nah"
B. Set aside the annoyance of arguments like this, and this is a very good-looking girl who's very smart, helpful, and also a lot

of fun and generally a nice person, and who also happens to have a great body and be very compa ble with me in bed. If I
set her aside, I would basically end up looking for another her at some point, and engaging in that hunt was going to
 distract me from everything I'm working on in all the other areas of my life. So if there's no great need to split with her,
it's probably best not to
C. The iPad case issue was a double-bind I needed to solve. The only way to solve it was going to be to remove the iPad case

from the equa on. So I'd need to figure out a way to do that
D. I was also going to have to frame things as such that I was the prize and she was going to need to do things to win me

back
E. Finally, during the argument she'd raised underlying issues in the rela onship. I needed to draw those completely out of

her to resolve them for the rela onship going forward

A. and B. were me considering if I wanted to keep this girl, and deciding I would.
C., D., and E. were me figuring out what my approach to the situa on would be, how I'd address her rela onship demand, and
how I'd ride back in as the conquering hero, rather than crawl in as the lowly cour er.
Here is how I did it.

The Call Back

By the me I called her back, around 20 minutes had passed.
It'd taken me a li le me to flesh out my thoughts. I'd also cha ed a bit more with Alek in that me, which delayed me calling
back further.
I wouldn't normally try to take longer than I'd said I'd take, but if you're not going to be punctual, for this kind of discussion, it's
be er to be slightly late than it is slightly early.
When I called her back, I told her this:
“All right, here's the deal. The iPad case is way overpriced, I agree. I don't need it. I'm going to return it,
whether or not we get back together. [here I paused for effect] Now... with regard to me coming back. I will
return to you, but on ONE condi on only: [here I paused about 5 full seconds] when I return, you and I are
going to sit down and we are going to talk un l we understand each other.”
The thing to understand about this woman is that as fun and chipper as she is, she is also smart, stubborn, and opinionated.
Her intelligence leads her to think that whatever the situa on, her behavior is ra onal, and anyone behaving some way she
doesn't understand must be irra onal. Her stubbornness leads to her not wan ng to consider others' viewpoints. Her
opinionated nature makes her unwilling to explain herself normally, thinking that her thinking is so ra onal and self-evidently
right that needing to explain it is stupid. She's also, generally speaking, a bit guarded about her real reasons and mo va ons
with things.
In other words, ordering her to sit and have a calm discussion where she lays it all out on the table so I can fully understand
her is a bit of a tall order for her.
So, what did I do with this call back?
I:
1. Removed the iPad case from the equa on. I declared the iPad case overpriced, that I was in full agreement with
her, and that I'd return it whether I took her back or not. In doing so, I moved the iPad case return from being the
condi on of my return to an irrelevant detail, since I am going to take it back for a refund either way.
2. Introduced doubt that I will return. I'm going to meet her rela onship demand, but whether or not I return, well,

that'll be decided by something else. She is now the one wai ng to find out if I will take her back or not. The pause I used
a er telling her this ("whether or not we get back together [pause]") was to let that sink in. I wanted her to process and
accept the new reality - one where it is not her telling me what I must do to get her back, but rather one where she is
wondering what she must do to get me back.
 3. Built an cipa on for the one condi on I'll take her back on. I then told her I would take her back, but only
on ONE condi on. Then I paused, for a full five seconds. That might not sound like a lot when you're reading, but try
saying it out loud: "I will take you back, but only on one condi on: [pause... 1... 2... 3... 4... 5...]." It's a long delay. That
en re five seconds she will fill with imagining endless possible condi ons I might impose on her. The an cipa on here is
your friend, because odds are good she will entertain some pre y extreme poten al condi ons... which is going to make
whatever your actual request be feel either about the level of what she expected, or less demanding than she expected,
either way making her more likely to accept.
4. Stated my own rela onship demand. I then made my own demand. My own counter-ul matum, you might say.

But -- and here's the key -- no ce something about my ul matum: it is designed to improve the rela onship, and
cuts to the deeper problem. Yes, me buying a luxury iPad case was the trigger. But no ce what happened while
arguing: she also raised a much bigger issue of feeling like I don't understand her and we have no real connec on. I made
my demand about resolving that issue. My demand was this: I don't want to return to a broken rela onship. So if I come
back, we are going to sit down and talk about your concerns un l they're fixed (this is a demand, and not something I'm
offering her, because remember -- this chick doesn't like explaining herself).
Her response was a weak "okay."
She then asked me when I was coming back.
I said "right now" (although, again, I got delayed a bit, and ended up taking about 30 minutes longer than intended. Also on
the way back I swung by a Dairy Queen because I figured I deserved a quick treat for my awesome handling of this tricky
situa on).
I was s ll messaging with Alek, and I let him know the plan.
He suggested maybe I delay things a few days. Keep her on ice a bit. Saunter back in a few days later when she's really started
to miss me.
It was a good sugges on, and I've done things like that with past girlfriends.
However, in this case, there was a very specific reason I wanted to get back and resolve this one ASAP:
Because the rela onship issues were not the only reason for her sudden rela onship demands.
There was another one, too.
That other one was sex.

Lack of Sex = Lots of Problems

Different rela onships run in different ways.
I know there are guys out there who struggle with dead bedrooms (//www.girlschase.com/content/how-never-have-sexless-
rela onship-sex-trump-card) and low sex drive women.
For me though, I have a sort of opposite problem: I enter all my rela onships framed as the lover, and I'm enough of a
renaissance man, enough of an ar ste, that I never really fully enter into the provider role.
I can do the alpha provider role (//www.girlschase.com/content/7-rules-how-be-alpha-provider) to some extent with long-
term girlfriends.
However, typically the women I date all have much be er provider op ons than me.
In this case, this girl's peers all have banker boyfriends or husbands who own expensive real estate and are self-made
mul millionaires, some of them worth $10 million or more. They spend money and are happy to spend it. I run my own
business and at this point am a li le be er than middle class, but I'm not in these cats' league... unless you give my business
(Girls Chase) a favorable valua on. I certainly don't own real estate, and I'm not the sort to buy gi s, and usually don't spend
much money.
So in a pure provider-provider comparison, I come up short.
Usually that isn't a problem. However, with long-term girlfriends, I have no ced a trend:
1. So long as we are having lots of good sex, they stay content, and evaluate me as a lover
2. If the sex becomes not good, or infrequent, they start evalua ng me as a provider

3. I do not measure up as a provider (compared to their other op ons)... then the drama starts

Deny her sex for too long (whether it's your fault or not) and you can have some real trouble on your hands.
This par cular girl is vigilant about avoiding pregnancy, but won't take the birth control pill because it's bad for her (and I
agree... I don't like da ng girls on the pill). So she insists on 'condoms always'.
Well, I don't like using condoms, so I steered her toward ge ng an IUD. She finally decided to get one.
A er the doctor implanted the IUD, she told me, "The doctor said 'no sex for one week' because the IUD has to se le in."
Okay sure.
Then the next week she told me, "I can't remember if the doctor said one week or two weeks."
Then she looked it up on her phone and said, "People are saying to be safe you should wait one month to have sex, un l a er
your next period, when you go to get it checked to make sure it's s ll in place."
So, a month without me shagging this girl. Hmm.
Her pussy was out. Her bu was also out, because that, too, might jar the placement of the IUD. She was s ll giving me blow
jobs, but that's not the same as me railing the stuffing out of her (front or back).
Numerous mes over the course of the month she'd be telling me she really wanted me to fuck her... but she didn't want me
to fuck her because she didn't want to mess up the IUD.
Sure enough, right around the one-month mark, one whole month without me nailing this girl in the pussy, this drama
erupted.
The iPad case was the trigger that set her off.
The feelings of not being understood and lack of connec on made her more casual about dismissing the rela onship.
Yet it was the lack of sex that caused a simmering, churning cauldron of explosive love magma to bubble just under her
surface, wai ng for the right trigger to set a volcanic ejacula on off.
I knew that what this girl needed more than anything was for me to lay down the law, get her to explain herself, and then
pump her guts full of my own volcanic ejacula on.
The best me to do that?
When she is at her rawest, most vulnerable point for it.
That is when the reunion is the sweetest, and the sa sfac on most gra fying.
With this girl, whose emo ons some mes dull with distance, capitalizing on her emo onal rawness and openness to me
having her unpack all her inner stuff was an opportunity I did not want to miss with delay.
So, I shelved every other task I meant to finish that night, and headed back to put things back.

The Aftermath
Things played out more or less exactly as I expected.
When I arrived at the apartment, she was actually more red/exhausted than anything. I thought she'd been more needy and
vulnerable. But li le ma er.
She got into bed under the cases and lied down with her eyes closed. I had her sit up and face me. I sat cross-legged on the
bed, right in her face, staring at her like a cat stares at its prey, and told her to tell me every single thing she felt like I did not
understand about her.
I had her spill it all out.
Once she was done, I repeated it back to her, in my own words, to make sure I got it.
I did.
I realized a few things I hadn't realized. For one, as great a girl as she is, many of her concerns are quite... ordinary. I supposed
I'd been sort of projec ng my own grand visions and objec ves onto her.
I realized I'd been neglec ng her a bit too much. She needed more conversa on with me than I'd been giving her. The
rela onship had devolved too much into her and me just sort of hanging out, being around each other, but mostly just in
between breaks of my working, and us doing or sharing li le of substance. That's fine for me, because I'm on a mission, but it
was too neglec ul for her.
So I picked a day each week when her and I would go out on the town, do something fun, and just talk. She tried to demur,
saying it's fine, no need, I can focus on my work, and in the past I'd have said, "Okay sure, thanks!" but this me I insisted:
we're going to do this, every week, I'll maintain it as a schedule, and there's no cancella on allowed. She lit up at that.
By the me this conversa on was done (I also talked to her about everything I thought she did not understand about me,
which also helped... e.g., I told her when I'm making an overpriced purchase, it's usually because I've got a lot going on and I'm
doing it to save me I don't want to devote to shopping around; she seemed to get that and said it'll make her less likely to
view me as a spendthri /irra onal in the future), it was quite late, and we were both exhausted.
So we fell asleep.
In the morning was me for the last step of the plan.
She got up early to run some errands. Mean me, I took the opportunity to go jack off into the sink.
I hadn't screwed this girl in a month, and it'd been even longer since I'd screwed her without a condom on. If I went in at full
super horniness I wasn't going to last. It was important to me that for this round I last.
A er I cleared my prostate out, I hopped back into bed, and an hour later she was back, climbing into bed and snuggling up to
me.
I had her clothes off and was up inside her in short order. Screw wai ng for the one-month doctor's exam.
It was a good thing I did that prep work in the sink, because she was out of prac ce and it took a good while to get her up to
orgasm. Once she started cumming though, the orgasms kept rolling in, and got harder and harder and harder.
I'm always a lot more passionate with women when I don't have a condom on. They always orgasm harder and be er when
we're going at it that way. I don't know how much is the excitement they have that I'm not wearing anything, versus how much
is simply them enjoying the extra passion I'm bringing, but regardless, it is almost always be er bareback than not.
We went a few rounds that day, and when our schedule date-day rolled around, she drove to meet me at the café I was
working at and we headed off to a restaurant. We held hands walking there, and she was excited. We talked while ea ng. And
she said, "Yes, I think we can do this every week."
Everything se led, strategy worked, rela onship both preserved and improved... and no loss of rela onship power by me.
A job well done, in my assessment.
Oh, and by the way, that iPad case?
A er we patched things up, she started saying that maybe I didn't need to return it.
Of course, I'd already said I was going to return it whether we got back together or not. I told her, "I'm returning it. You're
right, it's way overpriced." I asked her to order me a new one instead (I don't like doing the whole shopping/bargain-hun ng
thing. Too me-consuming in my opinion. Fortunately, most girls love to bargain hunt... so it's a nice strategy to ask a woman
to help you out with this. Once they learn your tastes most women are pre y good at finding what you want fairly
consistently).
The new iPad case she ordered ended up being 1/7th the price of that luxury one, and I like the new one a lot more.
I have no idea why that one in the Apple Store costs $115. It doesn't seem as nice as the $17 one I replaced it with.
I guess that's just how it goes some mes though.

Use the right strategy, and you can put things back on track.
 Some mes to get what you want, it takes a li le strategy.
Like having a woman bargain hunt an iPad case for you... or you deciding how to handle her rela onship demands overflowing
with “I'm the prize” framing or s cky my-way-or-highway ul matums.
Chase Amante

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Chase Amante

Author
Chase woke up one day in 2004 red of being alone. So, he set to work and read every book he could find, studied every teacher he could meet, and
talked to every girl he could talk to to figure out da ng. A er four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way),
he launched this website. He will teach you everything he knows about girls in one single program in his One Date System
(//www.girlschase.com/bio/onedate).

 (//www.girlschase.com/)
(mailto:[email protected])

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