4

Instructor PowerPoint
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part.
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 Learning Objective
1

Complete business messages by

revising for conciseness, which includes
eliminating flabby expressions, long
lead-ins, there is/are and it is/was fillers,
redundancies, and empty words, as well
as condensing for microblogging.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 2
 Taking Time to Revise:
Applying Phase 3 of the Writing Process

Writing Process:
Prewriting Drafting Revising

• Revising: improving content and sentence structure

• Proofreading: correcting grammar, spelling, punctuation,
format, mechanics

Revising takes the most time in the writing process.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 3
© denis_pc/Fotolia, © iadam/Fotolia
 Revising for Conciseness
Eliminate flabby expressions.

Flabby Concise
at this point in time now
due to the fact that because
in very few cases seldom
despite the fact that although
in the near future soon

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 4
 Revising for Conciseness
Limit long lead-ins.

Wordy Concise
This is to let you know that Monday is a holiday.
Monday is a holiday.

I am sending this e-mail to Our internal audit begins

announce that our internal on January 5.
audit begins on January 5.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 5
 Revising for Conciseness
Drop unnecessary there is/are
and it is/was fillers.

Wordy Concise
There are at least ten At least ten applicants
candidates who applied for applied for that position.
that position.

It was Becca Lopez who Becca Lopez was finally

was finally selected. selected.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 6
 Revising for Conciseness
Reject redundancies.

Redundant Concise

combined together combined

exact same exact or same

my personal opinion my opinion

refer back refer

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 7
 Revising for Conciseness
Purge empty words.
Wordy Concise
In the case of General General Motors was
Motors, the car company was reorganized.
reorganized.
We are aware of the fact that We know many managers
many managers need need assistance.
assistance.
When it arrived, I deposited I deposited your check
your check immediately. immediately.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 8
 Revising for Conciseness
Condense messages for social
media microblogging.
Personalize
Include only whenever
main ideas. possible.

Choose
descriptive but Be prepared
short words. to revise many times
for conciseness, clarity,
and correctness.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 9
© Andrey/Fotolia
 Tweet Reply to Unhappy
Bank of America Customer

@BofA Help.
Sorry you feel that way.
If you change your mind
and want to see if we can
help, please DM your
name/zip/phone.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 10
© Andrey/Fotolia
 Learning Objective
2

Improve clarity in business messages by

keeping the ideas simple, dumping trite
business phrases, dropping clichés,
avoiding slang and buzzwords, rescuing
buried verbs, controlling exuberance,
and choosing precise words.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 11
 Making Your Message Clear
Keep it short and simple.

Wordy Concise
It would not be inadvisable You should sign now.
for you to affix your signature
at this point in time.

Here are implements that are Here are tools to do the job
necessary for the job to be satisfactorily.
completed in a satisfactory
manner.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 12
 Making Your Message Clear
Dump trite business phrases.

Trite Improved
persuant to your request as you request

please do not hesitate to please

thanking you in advance thank you

enclosed please find enclosed

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 13
 Making Your Message Clear
Drop clichés (worn phrases), slang
(informal words with extravagant
meanings), and business buzzwords.
Cliché, Slang, Buzzword Improved
Last but not least, we must Finally, we must cut costs.
cut costs.
Hey, prof, what u think of my Professor, what did you
killer paper? think of my paper?
Our point man will Jake will call you with our
telephonically communicate revised proposal.
our relanguaged proposal to
you.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 14
 Making Your Message Clear
Unbury verbs that are needlessly
converted to wordy noun expressions.

Buried Verbs Improved

give consideration to consider

reach a conclusion conclude

create a reduction in reduce

make a decision about decide

take action act

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 15
 Making Your Message Clear
Control exuberance by using sparingly such
words as very, definitely, quite, totally, etc.
Excessive Exuberance Businesslike
We are actually very certain We are certain that they
that they totally agree with agree with our proposal.
our proposal.

Jake was really extremely Jake was sorry that he

sorry that he completely forgot the meeting.
forgot the meeting.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 16
 Making Your Message Clear
Express precise meaning.
Less Precise More Precise
He said that he thought they The team leader told Jason
should help out with the and Chris that they should
report. write sections of the report.

They called with a change in Our client XYZ called to

the meeting. reschedule the meeting
from May 13 to May 16.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 17
 Learning Objective
3

Enhance readability by understanding

document design including the use of
white space, margins, typefaces,
fonts, numbered and bulleted lists,
and headings.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 18
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design

Employ white space by

• Adding headings
• Including bulleted or
numbered lists
• Using short sentences
• Writing short paragraphs
• Setting effective margins

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 19
© denis_pc/Fotolia
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design

Setting margins
• Use 1 to 1 ½ inch
margins

How to set margins

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 20
Microsoft ® Word; Used with permission from Microsoft.
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Setting for Ragged-Right Margins
Ragged-right margins provide
more white space and improve Result
readability.

Aligns text at left margin and

creates a ragged-right margin

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 21
Microsoft ® Word; Used with permission from Microsoft.
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Choose appropriate typefaces.

Consider sans serif Consider serif (such as

(such as Arial) for Times New Roman) for
headings, signs, and body font. Notice that
material that does not serif typefaces have
require continuous small features at the end
reading. of strokes.
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 22
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design

Use 10- to 12-pt. font for most

body text.
For special effects consider:
 CAPITAIZATION
 SMALL CAPS
 Boldface
 Italics
 Underline
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 23
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Use vertical lists or enumerated items
to improve comprehension.
• Numbered lists (1, 2, 3) for items that show a
sequence
• Bulleted lists for items that do not show a chronology

Numbered List Bulleted List

Follow these steps in starting Consider the following:
a business: • Environmental
1. Write a business plan. regulations
2. Locate venture capital. • Employee benefit plans
3. Prepare a feasibility study. • Licensing requirements

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 24
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Employ parallel (balanced)
construction when listing similar ideas.
Not Parallel Parallel
Keeping an old customer is Keeping an old customer is
much cheaper than to find a new much cheaper than finding a new
one. one.

To protect your pet from To protect your pet from

dognappers: dognappers:
• Be a constant companion. • Be a constant companion.
• Don’t boast about the breed. • Don’t boast about the breed.
• You should keep photos • Keep photos handy.
handy.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 25
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Add headings to enhance
comprehension.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 26
 Enhancing Readability
Through Document Design
Category headings:
The company needs to focus attention in three
key areas:
Attracting applicants. We must analyze where
and how we advertise for applicants, specifically,
online job boards. . . .
Interviewing applicants. We should consider
adding a simulated customer encounter to the
process. Simulated. . . .
Checking references. We'll find a better candidate
if we contact all references, not just former
employers. Currently, the. . . .
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 27
 Learning Objective
4

Recognize proofreading
problem areas, and apply
effective techniques to catch
mistakes in both routine and
complex documents.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 28
 Proofreading to Catch Mistakes

Punctuation

Names and
Grammar
numbers

What to
Spelling Watch for in Format
Proofreading

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 29
 How to Proofread
Routine Documents
Reading messages on Look for typos,
screen: Use the down misspellings, and easily
arrow to reveal one line confused words.
at a time. Read from a
printed copy, to be safer.

Study the document for Look for factual errors.

inconsistencies and
ambiguous expressions.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 30
© Marina Zlochin/Fotolia
 How to Proofread
Complex Documents

1 Print a copy,
preferably double
spaced. 2 Set it aside and
take a breather.

Expect errors

3 Allow adequate
time for careful
proofing. 4 and congratulate
yourself when
you find them.

Read the message Reduce your

5 at least twice– once

for meaning and
once for grammar
and mechanics.
6 reading speed
and focus on
individual words.
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 31
 To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Delete

Capitalize

Lowercase (don’t capitalize)

Transpose

Close up
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 32
 To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks
Insert

Insert space

Insert punctuation

Insert period

Start paragraph
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 33
 To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 34
 To Revise Manually,
Use Basic Proofreading Marks

Revised Copy

Beginning September 1 the doors leading to the west side of

the building will have alarms. Because these doors also
function as fire exits, they cannot be locked; consequently, we
are installing alarms. Please use the east side exits to avoid
setting off the ear-splitting alarms.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 35
 To Revise Digitally,
Strikethrough and Color

This is a short note to let you know that as As you

requested, I made an investigation of investigated
several of our competitors’ websites. Attached hereto is
a summary of the findings. of my investigation. I was
really most interested in making a comparison of the
employment of comparing marketing strategies as well
as the use of navigational graphics used to guide
visitors through the sites.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 36
 Learning Objective
5

Evaluate a message to
judge its effectiveness.

©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 37
 Evaluate Your Writing
Does it attract
Is it polished
the reader’s
and clear?
attention?

How successful Does it say

will this what you
Evaluate
message be? want it to?
Your
Writing

How will you

Will it achieve
know if it
its purpose?
succeeds?
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 38
©2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be scanned, copied or duplicated, or posted to a publicly accessible website, in whole or in part. Ch. 4 / Slide 39
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