March 22 | 2021

Why 1.4 million people want

this woman’s sex advice
In the bedroom with Emily Morse
2 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

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What do you mean, my

I used to fake
use of capital letters Stuck at home, people have turned to
is too AGGRESSIVE??? Emily Morse for tips on one of the few
activities still allowed. It beats cooking
Kevin Maher masterclasses, she tells Jane Mulkerrins

W ‘O
hat????? Until, that is, a co-worker said, h, I love your The format works well for her
What is with tongue only half in cheek, that vulva,” is not subject, she says. “Because people are
wrong she found it offensive that my emails Good news the way I at home, they say, ‘I was going to learn
with extra shouted at her every time they arrived usually open cooking from Gordon Ramsay, but
question in her inbox. She wanted to know if I for Alex an interview. whoa, there’s a sex class. Maybe I’ll
marks???? had some sort of crushing insecurity But my subject, delve into that for a minute.’ ” And the
A lot, it complex, which could explain why I Salmond Emily Morse, is anonymity of logging on and learning
transpires, felt the need to blast my name around thrilled. “I love in the privacy of one’s home makes
according to a judge in a recent the digital sphere, employing the caps Speaking of that you knew what it was,” she says Morse’s classes more accessible and
employment tribunal, who told a lock as my very own court herald. inappropriate name (well, I am the daughter of a biology much less excruciating than in-person
physics professor from Loughborough I gave a red-faced explanation action . . . I was teacher). “I was on Zoom with sex workshops, such as those held by
University (fired for his “blunt” and of the email origins, but it was an intrigued to read that someone the other day who asked, Betty Dodson (which featured full
“brusque” tone) that his use of unlikely story. I was simply an online officials in Taiwan ‘Is that a butterfly back there?’ So I nudity at all times, including lunch) or
multiple punctuation marks on megalomaniac who liked to begin are pleading with the brought it over and showed them: this the controversial Orgasmic Meditation
texts to other staff members was every digital interaction, no matter populace to cease from is your labia, this is your clitoral hood.” Company’s courses.
“unnecessarily aggressive”. Really??? how trivial, with: “HEAR YE, HEAR legally changing their To clarify, Morse’s vulva is an An impressively early adopter,
This surely sets a terrifying YE! ANNOUNCING AN URGENT names to “Salmon” to oversized hand puppet that she uses Morse launched her podcast in 2005,
precedent for all written discourse in DISPATCH FROM HIS ROYAL take advantage of a fish as a teaching tool. Today, however, it but her profile has soared during the
the professional realm. Right now I am ARROGANCE, KEVIN MAHER!” restaurant that offers is propped up in front of a plant pot pandemic as “people have been stuck
furiously scrolling through emails and Even when you get the punctuation free all-you-can-eat in her home office, beside the sofa at home, masturbating”, she says with
texts to colleagues and co-workers and right, and there’s nothing left to offend meals to anyone with on which her dog, Jolene, is napping. a laugh. “For couples who were locked
deleting roughly 90 per cent of them. in the form, you can still fall at that that apparently unlikely Morse darts under her desk and down together, they haven’t had any
And why? Because I’m a self-declared final fence of every digital message moniker. Some of the comes back up with her right hand spontaneity to keep their sex lives
inveterate user of multiple — the send button! I recently wrote zingers chosen, in in a second vulva, this one made interesting and hot, so have been
punctuation marks!!!! And a pretty elab
elaborate WhatsApp a hilarious attempt from a fancy, plush black fabric and seeking out sex podcasting, and the
I don’t want anyone to message to my wife, to make the scam pink satin. “A woman in Berkeley, online radio show has had a lot more
get the wrong idea. pourin my heart out,
pouring seem more credible, California, has been making them for callers,” she says. “Others have been
You know??? and wrestling with include Salmon Prince, years and you can get them in any experimenting more, trying new
I’ve often my feelings about Meteor Salmon King colour you want. They’re beautiful, but techniques and buying sex toys to add
written, in emails to th sheer absurdity
the and Salmon Fried Rice. they’re expensive — this was $400,” some variety.” Sales of sex toys leapt in
colleagues, after a of existence,
o My immediate she says. Morse has been searching for the early part of the pandemic.
sneak screening of acknowledging
a my thought is that, a penis puppet too, to no avail. “My And for the sex-starved singletons
a new must-see ggratitude for love, naturally, once all friend found one, but it was sort of trying to get their rocks off during
movie, something as companionship
c this Scottish political crocheted — a limp penis puppet,” she lockdown, Morse believes that the
seemingly anodyne and real emotional
an backstabbing is done, says with a shrug. “I can’t think of pandemic has brought some positives
as: “I loved this film!!! connection, and
co Alex Salmond — with anything I’d want less.” too. “Things have been necessarily
We should definitely punctuating
pun just a daub of Tipp-Ex Morse is based in Los Angeles, slowed down, and there’s more of a
interview the director, r, everything here and
every — will have somewhere beloved by social media and in courtship phase instead of just going
no????” And now I realise,
ealise, there w with a bit of cheeky to go for a sustainable possession of model looks. She says straight to the sex,” she says. “That
much to my shame, that hat the spice and p primal raunch dietary future. her work sits “at the intersection
intimidating signals sentent by the ((not
not quite sexting, but . . .). And then Equally, is it such a of education, information and
multiple punctuation marks probably I sent it, accidentally, to my sister. crazy idea? Depending entertainment”. Her frank, unfiltered
twisted the semantic sense into: And, fair play to her, unaware that on what they’re dissection of sexual matters has
“I loved this film, so shut your she was not the intended recipient, she offering I could see earned her more than 1.4 million Couples locked
stupid face! And we should definitely
interview the director because I’m
gave the reply a good go. Like: “Hmm.
Lovely to hear from you, Kev. There’s,
myself joining the gang.
When it comes to east
followers on Facebook and another
350,000 on Instagram (a number that down together
the best, I know everything and
I dare you to challenge me!”
um, lots to chew on in your message.
Yes, we all get down sometimes and,
Asian cuisine, I’m a big
fan of crispy ginger soy
doubled during the pandemic). She
also hosts a popular podcast, Sex with
haven’t had any
And I should have seen this coming.
The signs were there early on. I ran
er, it’s good to see that you’re still in
touch with your, ahem, desires, but
fish (preferably with
halibut). If that was
Emily, and until recently hosted a
radio show on SiriusXM. Her core
spontaneity
into trouble just over a decade ago I’m not sure if I’m the best person to on offer, for ever, I audience is aged 25 to 40, although builds anticipation and arousal and
over my apparently inappropriate use address all the issues you raise here.” would definitely change “we do get a ton of 18-year-olds and desire, which is only a good thing.”
of capitals. Back then I wasn’t quite the Red faces, naturally, ensued. my name to Crispy 19-year-olds”, and fans in their eighties Half a century after Cosmo started
tech-savvy wunderkind I am now, and The solution, of course, screamingly Ginger Soy Fish Maher. too, and are split equally male/female. printing sex tips, why does Morse
when creating a new email account clear, is to remove anything even Or — sorry — CRISPY “People don’t really know what believe that there is still such a
I filled out the user name in caps lock vaguely contentious, including GINGER SOY FISH I look like, but they know my voice, dearth of decent sex education and
instead of standard text. I didn’t think emotive punctuation, from all forms of MAHER!!!! and sometimes when I am out they information? “Patriarchal society has
twice about it and happily fired off digital communication and to reserve recognise me when I speak,” says been repressing female sexuality for
emails to all and sundry, not worried every text, message and email for only Morse, who, despite being the tens of thousands of years and we’re
that colleagues, family and friends the most anodyne, inexpressive and millennials’ go-to sex adviser, is an only just starting to take layers off,”
were receiving missives from KEVIN utterly vanilla sentiments. But, well, improbably youthful-looking 50. she says. “It’s about religion and shame
MAHER instead of Kevin Maher. WHERE’S THE FUN IN THAT???? Shortly before the outbreak of the and trauma, and about misinformation
pandemic, in January 2020, she and misunderstanding.
recorded a session for the subscription “And porn has set us back,” she
after two slightly I support Ireland in the and my children are platform Masterclass, which offers continues. “Kids who grew up with an
self-satisfied breakfast rugby, England in the little half-halfs. tutorials from experts such as the iPhone in their hand — the digitised
I find your television presenters football. My favourite So, flags, English and French Laundry chef Thomas Keller, generation — are seeing sex at a very
joked on air about the English writers are Irish, naturally make the film director Martin Scorsese and young age and it isn’t even accurate
standards placement of a Union Wilde, Swift and Shaw me go a bit squiffy. I’m the scriptwriter Aaron Sorkin. Morse’s or real. They don’t understand female
Jack during a political (all Irish), and my like an Apple rainbow class now ranks as one of the most pleasure, desire, arousal, and they’re
confusing interview. Me? I tend favourite Irish actor wheel when I see popular, alongside the Vogue editor also addicted to the digital sex, and
to avoid flags. is Daniel Day-Lewis them. Cheer? Hiss? Anna Wintour’s class on creativity they can’t get turned on by a human.”
Everyone seems to I grew up in Ireland, (English). My wife Cheer? Hiss? Cheer? and leadership, Dr Jane Goodall’s In some ways, I note, Morse might
be getting unduly yet my mother’s is fully English (with Hiss? Cheer? Hiss? on conservation and the drag queen be the dock leaf for the digital ills that
exercised about flags ancestors are English. Canadian roots) Somebody make it stop! RuPaul’s on authenticity. the internet has brought to intimacy
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 3

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it. Now I help others not to COVER: COURTESY MASTERCLASS. BELOW: NATHALIA VIEIRA
The lowdown
Leonardo
dating app she is on is Raya, which is Poldark fans, prepare yourselves.
invitation-only and A-list. “But I’ve Why? It’s back?
never gone on a date. I just look at it,”
she says. “I prefer meeting people in No, but its star dish is.
person, but this last year we haven’t
been able to meet people in person.” What, the Cornish pasty?
In contrast to her sex life, in her
early professional life Morse was No! Aidan Turner!
anything but pliant. After graduating, Oh! That sort of dish. *Blushes*
she drove across the country to work
in politics in California, running Yes — and he’s shaved his beard
campaigns for female senators and and swapped his farming scythe for
San Francisco’s first African-American a paintbrush.
mayor, Willie Brown, about whom she Smouldering, tortured artist alert!
also made a documentary. Tell me more.
She intended to make another
documentary, about sex, until a friend Turner is playing the lead role in
suggested that she try podcasting Amazon Prime’s new period epic
instead. “I loved the idea that nobody Leonardo. The eight-part series is
needed to be on camera, and if people coming to small screens on April 16
wanted to be anonymous, it wasn’t a and will retell the life of — have you
problem,” she says. At first the format guessed? — Leonardo da Vinci.
was simply guests and callers talking
Wow! And goody. He’ll suit high
about their sex lives and telling their
Renaissance Italy. Just think of those
stories. “It was a really intimate format
dark, pre-Raphaelite curls! *Swoon*
and a great vehicle for information,
and also to help others feel less alone.”
Control yourself.
Her podcast usually features a
discussion with a guest, offering Sorry. So, apart from Turner, will the
information and advice on myriad series be any good?
subjects from using lube and sex toys
to fantasies, threesomes, talking dirty Absolutely. Matilda De Angelis
and “doomsturbating” (“masturbating from The Undoing is starring
to distract yourself when the world opposite him as Caterina da
feels like too much”). It’s explicit, “but Cremona, Leonardo’s muse, and the
not crude, right?” Morse asks. No. But series is being made by the minds
it’s not the podcast you’d have on in behind Sherlock, Doctor Who and
the car with your parents. The X-Files. Plus, obviously,
In the early days Morse had to Leonardo’s life was quite interesting
hustle to find money to support the — Mona Lisa etc.
podcast, taking out bank loans to fund Tell me more.
it. “No one would invest in a company
about sex,” she says. After mentioning The backdrop is set to be just as
one particular vibrator, the Je Joue aesthetically pleasing as Turner.
Mimi, on air, sales of the sex toy rose The series was filmed at the
40 per cent. Morse realised that she 16th-century Villa d’Este in Tivoli,
could monetise her mentions. Now near Rome. The world heritage site
she is partners with leading brands, is known for its terraced hillside
including the vibrator firms Magic Italian Renaissance garden.
Wand and We-Vibe, and Promescent, Ah, the closest we’ll get to
a “delay spray”. continental Europe this spring.
Given her California base, there’s a *Sigh* Actually, on that note, this
certain wokeness to Morse’s approach. is so much better suited for now
“I want to be very inclusive, so I’m than Poldark.
never gender-specific. I don’t say man
or woman, I say ‘penis-owner’ and How come?
‘vulva-owner’.” And as with Gwyneth
Paltrow’s similarly LA-based Goop We’re all going to be quite bored
there’s a crystal-rubbing, quasi- with Cornwall.
spiritual element to Sex with Emily
— a social media solution to the She had her first orgasm at 25, Emily Morse, 50 too, with affirmation posts (“Anxiety Hannah Rogers
problematic proliferation of porn. “with a very loving boyfriend who was and gratitude can’t live in the same
Growing up in a suburb of Detroit, more experienced than me and very moment”) and “astro sex forecasts” Aidan
Michigan, Morse “didn’t have any encouraging”, she says. “But it was that feel at odds with her otherwise Turner in
real sex education” beyond the very rare.” And still, for another ten smart, savvy and straightforward Poldark
basics taught in school: “a lot about years after that, “I spent so much time sex talk. But, if a little fringey in
menstruation and not much else”. It being performative, faking orgasms, places, Morse is undoubtedly helping
wasn’t a religious home. “I just had an thinking only about their pleasure,” to shepherd women’s sexual health
absence of information. My mum did she says. “I used to have partners say and sexuality into the booming
say, ‘If you have questions you can to me, ‘Does that feel good?’ And I mainstream wellness sphere.
come to me,’ but I didn’t even know would just say yes because I knew if I I ask if, given her age, she’s keen
what the questions were.” said no and they asked me, ‘Well, what to tackle one of the last taboos: the
She started having sex with do you want?’ I had no idea. I had to menopause and sex. “I do want to
her boyfriend at 17, which was get into masturbation to really figure talk about it more because even the
“underwhelming”, as was the sex out all of that.” language men use about it is ridiculous
she had with her college boyfriend. She has never been interested in — ‘the change’; what are we changing
“I remember turning to my best marriage, she says, but as her profile as into?” she says. “The way people
girlfriends one day and saying, ‘What a sex guru has climbed, it has brought talked until recently, it was as if you
is the big deal with sex?’ I liked the with it expectations about her skills were dead after you turned 50. But my
cuddling and kissing part, but my in the bedroom. “People hear my sex has got better and my connection
boyfriend would come over, pound name and what I do, and there are to my body has got better, and I feel
away like a jackhammer, and then assumptions,” she says. “And I get it. If really good about where I’m at.
it was over.” Her friends asked her I went to Gordon Ramsay’s house I “There are so many conversations
about masturbation. “It didn’t even would expect that I would have a good we need to have. And we’re only just
occur to me to touch myself,” she says. meal.” Consequently, though, the only starting to get there.”
4 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

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The call that summoned

us back to the family farm
When Matt Baker’s mother was trampled by a sheep, the Countryfile presenter
(and former One Show star) returned to his roots, he tells Michael Odell

T
he BBC Countryfile asked me why I was surrounded by way of life. I wouldn’t have made this Middlesbrough. Drinking in a club,
presenter Matt Baker sheep,” he says, laughing. programme without asking the Baker saw a male dance troupe called
remembers the day last Baker explained that a family children and Nicola first because it’s so Disco Inferno featuring Randy Todger,
July when his father, emergency had forced him up north personal, but they agreed and the crew Jock Strap and Lionel Flare. He asked
Michael, called to say and he now found himself in charge of took up residence in Jim and Denise’s if he could join. Flare gave Baker an
there had been an his mother’s herd of miniature [a local B&B] and so it all felt very audition, and after executing backflips
accident on the family’s donkeys, not to mention her pygmy natural and real.” in a wig and 1970s clothes he’d bought
farm. “It’s in the top goats, chickens, dogs and, of course, Since he first unicycled on to the set from a charity shop, Baker was Matt Baker on his
two calls you don’t want to get. One is: the sheep. Within days a film crew was of Blue Peter in 1999 Baker has become recruited as Butch Vendor, LA family farm and, above
there’s something happened to the in place and began filming the a broadcasting mainstay. He has bartender. He danced, juggled with left, with his family
wife or kids. Then it’s your parents.” unfolding crisis. The result is Our Farm presented bits of the Olympics (in drinks and did somersaults for £70
Baker’s mother, Janice, a in the Dales, a four-part series that 2012 and 2016) and the dog show a night. One night at a club in
shepherdess on a farm just outside the details the Baker family’s attempts to Crufts, and helped Countryfile to Cleethorpes he met his future wife.
village of Easington in Co Durham, get the place back on their feet. evolve to peak evening viewing. “It was love at first sight,” he says.
had been trampled by one of her own Plucky can-do is natural territory for However, the truth is that Baker’s “I’d just arrived and hadn’t changed
Hampshire Down sheep. The animal, Baker. He is, after all, a Bafta-winning connection to his parents’ farm and its into my Butch Vendor outfit, so after
which typically weighs 90kg, was former Blue Peter presenter. And on animals belies a personal struggle. He chatting I slipped away, performed and
scrambling to get out of its pen and The One Show he established himself is severely dyslexic and proximity to came back again. She had no idea it
broke her leg and hip. Baker’s father as the down-home Geordie without animals has been crucial to him being was me on stage. She just said, ‘Where
begged his son to come to help him to a bad word to say about anyone. able to forge his career. did you disappear to?’ ”
keep the place going, so the whole “Warm and uncynical” is how one “Going back to the farm where I While they were dating Nicola told
family — wife Nicola, Luke, 12, and journalist describes him, although one grew up is always very emotional for him that her aunt had seen an article
Molly, 10 — drove up and effectively Mumsnet contributor had him down me. As a kid I was out there every day in a TV magazine that Blue Peter was
took over the farm. as “the human equivalent of an running in the fields, building fences, looking for a new presenter. “I couldn’t
“Every family reaches that point avocado bathroom set”. training sheep dogs and being write a letter or an application like
where the older generation struggle Yet this was no ordinary TV. Baker practical. But dyslexia means you everyone else so I got the name of the
and it was quite emotional,” Baker found himself directing his own never get in the same queue as producer from the programme credits
says. “My mum is strong and family, trying to coax emotional everyone else; you’re going to have to and rang the BBC. I told his secretary,
independent. She has always been the responses from his parents. Still, he find another way to do the things you ‘I think I might be the next Blue Peter
farmer, so it was a huge wrench to say manages to capture those raw want to do in life.” presenter,’ and she said, ‘We already
she needed help from us. But at the intergenerational sensitivities, such as As a boy Baker was a talented have a shortlist.’ So I said, ‘What, you
same time the farm is where I grew up. when his father gruffly tries to athlete and wanted to be a won’t give me a chance?’ She said they
I know how it all works.” establish some ground rules (“Don’t physiotherapist. However, because might if I got them a showreel [a
It’s almost a year since Baker left the touch my wood and leave my caravan of his dyslexia he was struggling at filmed CV] within 24 hours, which
BBC’s early evening programme The alone”). And we catch an early glimpse college and his unlikely route into I didn’t have. So I went out into the
One Show. Self-isolating, he had to say of Baker approaching boiling point TV began on a student night out in farmyard and my dad held the camera
goodbye to its five million viewers via when the miniature donkeys escape while I did some backflips, showed
a laptop balanced on an ironing board and he has to give chase before they some lambing skills and told them
in the same room from which he is reach the road. We know that Baker is I was a professional disco dancer.”
talking to me on Zoom. He had just out of his comfort zone when we hear When the Blue Peter team saw the
started a TV production company and
had been discussing new projects
him cry: “That bloody gate.”
“The whole experience was
Don’t touch my disco dancing Geordie with boy-next-
door good looks delivering a lamb he
when he got his father’s call.
“Once we were at the farm I was
bittersweet — the children seeing their
grandparents needing help, but then
wood and leave got the job. The producer later told
him, “It was like all my dreams came
still holding Zoom meetings with
commissioning editors from the hay
stepping up,” he says. “But also it’s
where I grew up. It’s a beautiful
my caravan true at once,” but Baker was no
young hick eager to embrace the
barn, and the one from Channel 4 northern landscape and a different alone, Dad said bright lights of the London media.
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 5
CHARLOTTE GRAHAM

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An A-lister has posted pictures of

herself in labour. That’s nothing . . .

T
EMILY RATAJKOWSKI/INSTAGRAM
he other day my
husband walked in on
me in the bedroom,
clutching my phone
watching a video
of an underwear-clad woman
massaging her boob with an
electric toothbrush. With
bristles whirring and
décolletage jiggling, she was
explaining how the vibrations
helped to unclog milk ducts
that caused mastitis, a common
and very painful side-effect of
breastfeeding. I gave it a like
and scrolled to her next video.
Welcome to the age of the
warts-and-all mumfluencer.
While the social media
mumosphere was once
populated with yummy
mummies, this new breed
are offering a far more raw
look at modern motherhood.
And they’re not afraid to
share everything. This week
the model and writer Emily
Ratajkowski posted a series of
photographs taken during the
birth of her son to her 27.2
million Instagram followers.
Accompanied by the caption “In
between pushes/first moments with Emily Ratajkowski in When Chrissy Teigen shared
Sly”, the images show Ratajkowski labour and with her her story of child loss with her
in the throes of labour and cradling newborn baby. Below: 34.4 million Instagram followers she
her newborn. They are, it has to Chrissy Teigen made headlines, so uncommon has it
be said, incredibly beautiful — it been for the topic to be publicly
would seem that Ratajkowski is discussed. This is despite it sadly not
incomprehensibly gorgeous even being that uncommon (according to
when chugging on gas and air. the most recent statistics one in eight
Nevertheless, they offer an pregnancies ends in miscarriage; one
intimate glimpse of childbirth in 250 in stillbirth).
that we rarely see. Motherhood is a wonderful thing,
In fact, there is a lot about but it can also be scary and lonely.
“When I arrived in London I hated allowed David Cameron, who was the motherhood that we rarely For those of us who have experienced
it. I couldn’t cope with there being no prime minister at the time, to ramble see. When was the last time it in lockdown, it has probably been
animals and not seeing the horizon on about when he saw a mouse in you saw a swollen pregnancy particularly tough. With no pre or
or hearing birdsong or even being Downing Street before finally asking cankle? Or a bald patch caused postnatal classes, opportunities to
battered by the weather. The size and him: “How do you sleep at night?” by postpartum hair loss? seek support and reassurance have
speed of it was overwhelming. The Even now it’s unclear whether he was Am I oversharing? Probably. been scarce. Even the sounding
first thing I did was buy a smallholding being quietly subversive or actually Yet considering we exist in a board that comes from a knackered
outside the city and get some sheep, inquiring after his circadian rhythms. post-reality-TV society in which walk around the park with the
otherwise I could never have stayed.” “I never wanted The One Show we happily post all manner of NCT gang — a rite of passage for
“I get frustrated and het up with to be a place where people feel personal information on various many
m new mums — has been off
life just like anyone else and my way uncomfortable,” Baker says. “It’s social media platforms — from the cards. During those endless
of de-stressing is donkeys,” he says. bedtime viewing for some. It’s family holiday snaps to what we’re afternoons on the play mat and
“You haven’t lived until you’ve stood viewing for others.” cooking for dinner — why middle-of-the-night panics someone
next to a miniature donkey and Our Farm in the Dales shows shouldn’t there be more on social media who makes you feel
experienced its aura. It’s a spiritual Baker coming full circle. Against conversation about the less alone becomes a lifeline.
encounter that reminds me of Apache considerable odds he left the Durham realities of the birthing A few weeks ago I posted a photo
Indian relationships with animals. Dales and made a name for himself. process and its aftermath? of myself on my Instagram account
My aura has a conversation with the Now we see him back where he One in four women in the showing my c-section scar. Never in
donkey’s aura. It’s instinctive and started, he and his son, Luke, in the UK has a caesarean section a million years did I think I’d put
nonverbal. It’s beautiful.” rain, putting up a new fence for the delivery. However, it wasn’t such an exposing picture on social
Dyslexia forces one to adapt — donkeys, while inside the farmhouse until the comedian Amy media. Yet knowing how much these
anxiety around the written word kitchen Nicola shows Molly how to Schumer shared a picture of posts mean to me, I felt compelled to
enhances your people skills. Rather lattice a blackberry and apple pie. her partially naked torso on share my experience in the hope that
than reading an email four or five In a year during which big cities have Instagram this year that I’d seen it might help someone else.
times, it’s easier to get someone to been riven by pandemic fears and a c-section scar in the media, The response was amazing — I had
explain it instead. And Baker is good demonstrations for racial and gender social or otherwise. messages from women telling me
with people. Part of it is northern equality, Baker and his family look so Months earlier I had procured that they were proud of their post-
working-class warmth, but Baker also happy in a rural Britain in which my own scar during an emergency baby bellies and those who were still
makes you feel good. He really listens. nothing much seems to change. caesarean section with my first sussing theirs out. Women told me
That’s the quality he brought to “When I first started on Blue Peter baby — an experience that was about their own caesarean section
Blue Peter and later The One Show, I’d hang around the edit suite after traumatic, not least because deliveries and recommended creams
although the latter divided opinion. work until the cleaners threw me out I was expecting my stomach to help with healing. Even Schumer
Its kid gloves handling of guests has because I didn’t want to go home and to be left looking like a relative gave me and my scar a like. It was
made it a safe haven for anyone from be on my own, but I totally get the city of Frankenstein’s monster. one of the most joyful, empowering
prime ministers to product-pushing now,” he says. “The energy and pace Had I seen Schumer’s post — things I’ve done. So here’s to
Hollywood and music stars. Baker are incredible. It’s just that — I just or any depiction of a caesarean access-all-areas mumfluencers —
(with his co-presenter Alex Jones) had need to know I’ll be able to see family, section — and known what to may we long overshare. Now if
Theresa May and her husband, Philip, sky and animals or I’d go mad.” expect (a neat mark along my you’ll excuse me, I have an electric
discussing who takes the bins out. Matt Baker: Our Farm in the Dales bikini line), it would have been toothbrush to charge.
Most notoriously, in 2011 Baker starts on March 31 at 9pm on More4 a far less stressful situation. Frankie Graddon
6 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

life
Ask Professor Tanya Byron
I’m 91 and my family visit out of duty. How can I be more
fun for my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren?

N
At 91, I am very fun in bringing up our kids, there is our relationships. Play research adult, perhaps the prevailing view
lucky. Good health; a lot that has been lost from a more consistently highlights the physical, was that playfulness indicated a lack

Q nice house; enough

money; children,
grandchildren
and their children
formal approach to parenting.
Don’t get me wrong — I am glad
that children are now seen and also
heard. However, I do think that the
Maybe you
need to
psychological and emotional benefits
for all (see: playengland.net). A child’s
human right to play is enshrined in
Article 31 of the Convention on the
of temperance and restraint.
Perhaps your family are “dutiful” in
their relationship with you because
that’s how they see you and respect
nearby, willing to come if I call.
But it’s dutiful and not for choice.
clarity of discipline around setting
boundaries and consequences has
give them Rights of the Child.
Play is how we are fun and have
the way you live and expect others to
live. Therefore, maybe you need to
They never call in casually, ask
me to join them on holiday or to
been somewhat diluted.
Corporal punishment that was
permission fun, and is linked to the concept of
playfulness. Being playful could be
give them permission to see you in
another light and encourage them to
go out to a meal.
I never moan and let them know
more “acceptable” in past generations
is abusive: totally unacceptable and
to see you seen by some as something we must
grow out of as we get to the serious
be more spontaneous in their
relationships with you. Perhaps you
I’m grateful for what they do. But unnecessary (indeed, at the risk of in another business of being an adult. Yet can lead the changes by example and
I’m boring and probably always have receiving hundreds of letters accusing playfulness is as important for the surprise them with an unexpected
been. Serious, clever, shaggy dog me of being too liberal, smacking light physical and mental health of adults suggestion for joining together —
sense of humour. Don’t laugh very is never justified because therere are children, and can be a
as it is for ch something where you can show a
often. Definitely not a fun person. many other ways of helping a child vital stress-management
stress-m skill. It different side to yourself.
What could I do to make myself to learn to regulate their behaviour).
aviour). describes theth ability to engage in And don’t forget your (great)
more acceptable? Obviously it’s Yet the rise of the “friend parent”
ent” interactions and is linked to
playful inter grandchildren — they are experts at
down to me, but I’m too near the has meant that basic mannerss and spontaneity, cheerfulness and being play and playfulness and could be your
problem. When we had children no self-management skills are oftenften humorously impulsive and sociable. untapped learning resource. Tell them
one told us we could enjoy them! absent due to a fear of being the However, before you worry that you that you want them to teach you to
Could you help? parent who our children will dislike. playful enough, consider the
are not play find the fun. Ask them questions and
Alice We cannot always be their friendsends research thathat has highlighted its many notice what they do and how they play
since, while friends don’t like to say forms. We can c be “other-directed” — children love being given the expert

N
Quite frankly, Alice, no, parents sometimes have to. o. in our playfulness, ie playing position and teaching adults new skills.
your letter makes So I don’t want you to throw w with others. Or we could be Get some help to set up Grandma’s

A me want to hang out

with you. You sound
pretty amazing and
at 91, I’m sure, have
the baby out with the bath water
in terms of the kind of mother
you think you were when your
children were young. But, to
ater
er
ur
“light-heartedly playful”
a “lig
person: one who sees the
pers
fun in everyday happenings.
Alternatively, we can show
WhatsApp group and post something
funny you see every day. Teaching
Grandma how a PlayStation/Xbox
works and laughing together at how
many good stories and a lot of wisdom your questions: how can you be “intellectual playfulness”:
“i bewildered you are could be really fun
and lived experience to share. more of a “friend parent/(great)at) having fun with thoughts
ha — you know what you’re good at so
But on to your question: how can grandparent” now? Let’s think k and
an ideas. Finally, we could don’t be afraid and enjoy letting your
you be more fun? I think the answer about play and playfulness. be
b a “whimsically playful” grandchildren see what you aren’t so
comes from your final point — you Play is fun and an essential person, one who shows
p good at. In doing so you also teach
dutifully brought up your children, but part of every child’s life, observational playfulness
o them that enormously important life
perhaps without any emphasis on vital for social, emotional, in everyday life. skill of self-deprecating humour; it’s
enjoying them. No doubt you did intellectual and physical Playfulness is regarded as
P good to be able to laugh at ourselves.
enjoy them and have many happy development. Play has been a positive personality trait Maybe your letter and my response
memories, but I see what you are described as what children do o and I am sure that within
an (if you find it helpful) could be a
saying: bringing up your children was when they have the time and that
th list you can find your conversation opener? Let the family
more of a task-focused duty. A more space away from doing what version
ve of being playful. know that Mum/(Great) Grandma
relaxed contemporary approach of they’ve been told to do. Play Yet for some, playfulness can wants to learn to let her hair down,
just “having a laugh’’ and having fun is a developmental imperativee be seen as a lack of seriousness, but needs some help to know how to
wasn’t the way it was done. providing opportunities for a reduc
reduction in being authentically do it. Please write back and let me
Before we get into how to find the curiosity and creativity, risk- and reli
reliably adult — perhaps know how you do — that will make
fun as a mother, grandmother and taking and the development that’s what
wh you were brought up me smile. I wish you well.
great-grandmother, I want to say of risk-management skills. to believe and therefore you repress If you would like Professor
that while subsequent generations When we play we those aspec
aspects of yourself. When you Tanya Byron’s help, email
of parents might have found more learn and also strengthen were growin
growing up and becoming an [email protected]
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 7

life

I
PRESS ASSOCIATION; TIM GRAHAM/GETTY IMAGES

t isn’t often that I feel a frisson

of affinity with Prince William
and Prince Harry. But while the
latter squirmed on comfortable
garden furniture during his
interview with Oprah Winfrey,
something unexpected
happened: I empathised.
Winfrey had been asking him about
his relationship with his brother, how
fraught it had become and the reasons
for that tension. “The relationship is
‘space’ at the moment,” Harry said.
“I love William to bits. We’ve been
through hell together and we have
a shared experience, but we are
on different paths.”
Since then the journalist Gayle
King, a friend and confidante of Harry
and his wife, Meghan, has revealed
that subsequent talks between the
brothers have not been “productive”.
It’s all extremely awkward.
With siblings, it often is.
If we go looking for it, research will
corroborate that up to a third of us
have a distant relationship with our
brothers and sisters, not always
because of rudimental rivalry so
much as the simple fact that we
don’t particularly get along, and that
there are others in our lives to whom
we feel closer and more connected: Above: Prince William and Prince
friends, spouses, the server at Pret. Harry at Highgrove House in 1986.
If Jeffrey Archer’s Kane and Abel Left: at William’s wedding in 2011
struggled, and if Succession’s Kendall
and Roman Roy have had their spats, simply cleaved apart: fully separate
why not the rest of us? lives now, a line drawn, no further
I’m not sure if the relationship I contact. Better that way.
have with my brother has ever been This proved comparatively
anything other than awkward in some easy: there are no aunts or uncles,
way. A slight exaggeration, perhaps: as grandparents are long gone, and our
toddlers we probably accepted each respective weddings were small and
other as much as we took the other for appropriately stage-managed. My
granted, but as we grew — and there wife, who comes from a big, bustling
are three years between us; I’m the family, is sad about the lingering rift,
older, he’s the taller — we revealed but accepts it for what it is.
ourselves as two very different people. This situation perhaps naturally
If, in our small family unit, I was made me reluctant to start a family of
the one fated to be the sensible and my own since I was deeply afraid that
temperate component — Pearl Grey I’d become an absent father myself or
in the Dulux colour chart — he was that any children I had might find

A fraternal rift? I
the impulsive and propulsive one, themselves at similar odds. Yet my
upending multiple paint cans with an parents’ dysfunction had a positive
abandon I think I probably envied. upside: I made sure I married well, we
I realise now, with whatever passes were together for a long time before
for grown-up wisdom, that we were, our daughters came along, and we’ve
of course, merely the consequences worked hard to make ours a functional
of our upbringing. In other words:
not our fault. We were the product
of chalk and cheese. Our parents’
whirlwind romance was prompted into
marriage when my mother became
unexpectedly pregnant with me.
haven’t spoken to unit. They fight all the time, of course,
but they love each other too, of this
I’m fairly certain. Progress, I think.
I tell my girls about my “situation”,
and when they put down their phones
for long enough they seem intrigued.
In early life the times my brother
and I felt most symbiotic were when
our parents argued, which they did
frequently. Suddenly we were allies
huddled together and we needed
each other. But once our father left,
my brother in years I can understand this — it intrigues
me too, how two people from the same
family can be quite so different and
can whip up between themselves
such enduring enmity.
So I feel bad for William and
all bets were off. We became Talks between William and Harry have not been Harry. It cannot be easy for either of
irreconcilably divided. them. Neither is the sole perpetrator,
How do you survive an abruptly ‘productive’. At least they talked, says one writer but both are victims, both the product
absent father? With difficulty, it turns of a set of parents who were
out. I like to think that at the time I fundamentally different people. I
barely noticed him gone — he’d never different interests, different pastimes. preternaturally responsible any more; know that they are dealing with it all
been much of a daily presence in the If I resented his wilfulness, his knack I could be wilful myself. Interestingly, with far more grace than I managed.
first place — but while I tried hard to for unguarded self-expression, he our roles rather reversed from that And while I cannot imagine my
be a comfort to my mother, not the came to hate how seamlessly I stepped point: he very quickly became a brother and me coming back into
easiest thing to do when you’re the into the co-parent role. No ten-year- sensible and successful careerist — one another’s orbit, the royals surely
same age as Adrian Mole when he old needs a 13-year-old to tell them he wore a suit, bought a flat — and will. There’s more at stake — bad PR,
started keeping a diary, my brother how to behave. The chief casualty I became a big kid. I went out, drank, for starters.
clearly felt his disappearance keenly. here, I fear, was our mother, who had We felt stayed up late, a childhood delayed. Or maybe the brothers will decide,
He became angry, unpredictable, ran
away from school and broke things.
only ever wanted a happy family and
always did her very best. most My life felt immeasurably lighter.
I hadn’t yet taken out my first
independently, that they are better at
arm’s length. If so, shouldn’t we accept
All of this was him asking for help,
of course, but the more that was
Relief came with adulthood, the
point at which we were at last legally
symbiotic mortgage when my mother died.
Cancer, inevitably. My brother and
that? Shouldn’t we all strive towards
such similarly well-thought-out
shown to him, the more instinctively
he lashed out and pushed us all away.
permitted to run in different directions
and become our own people. While
when our I had only kept in intermittent touch
throughout our twenties, and when
decisions, hard as they may be: to fill
our time more with the positive than
It was hard for him, but then it was
hard for us all. Things did not improve.
I can’t speak for him, I know that this
was when I finally felt able to breathe
parents we did it was invariably fractious. It
doesn’t take much to revert to type.
the negative, to see things as they are,
and to live and let live?
We grew up together, but miles apart: out and relax. I didn’t have to be argued And after our mother’s death we The writer has been kept anonymous
8 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

arts

Best eco arts Going green o

The Day After they chow down on fire-cooked bear

Times critics pick Tomorrow. Right: meat in their mud home, it often
golden snub-nosed seems to be a fine line. Channel 5/My 5
the best eco-aware monkeys in China

shows that have

made a difference
in Our Planet

4 Occupied (2015-20)
This was a Norwegian thriller
created by Jo Nesbo, so more
political thriller than finger-wagging
eco message. Nevertheless it’s a rare
example of a TV drama that uses
environmental problems as a starting
point for things going wrong. Here the
climate crisis is causing havoc, forcing
Norway’s prime minister to stop oil
10 eco TV programmes, and gas production to meet green
targets, and causing Russia to step in
by James Jackson and help, or rather invade. Amazon,
Apple, Google, Netflix, Sky/Now

1 The Wombles (1973-75)

Way ahead of its time was this
1970s show featuring the pointy-
nosed creatures who, when they 5 One Strange Rock (2018)
Sometimes you have to look at
our planet from space to get
weren’t storming the pop charts, were perspective. And so to Darren
pioneering the concept of “recycling”. Aronofsky’s deep-toke 2018 series in
Orinoco, Madame Cholet, Great Uncle which Will Smith (the Hollywood star)
Bulgaria (a committed Times reader) offers such profound ecological
and the rest were devoted to taking observations as “Rolling hills, water offers gentle warnings: of the seasons Months after her film I Am Greta
care of the environment, a philosophy everywhere. I mean, this place is nice!”, becoming “locked” or birds failing to (see 20), the pigtailed warrior’s
that captured the imagination of a before narrating how a speck of migrate. Environmentalism as magic endeavours are the subject of a new
generation. Make good use of bad African dust has as much impact on realism. Apple, BBC iPlayer, Sky three-part series. Following her on a
rubbish, they said. YouTube our survival as a volcanic eruption. year off from school, we hop on board

2 The Octonauts (2010-)

Grown-ups have David
Attenborough, young children
The astronaut Chris Hadfield also
pops up, describing the blueness of
Earth, man, and the importance of
diatoms. Amazon, Apple, Disney+,
8 Our Planet (2019)
Whatever the BBC does, Netflix
wants to do bigger. Attenborough’s
The Blue Planet and Planet Earth show
her one-girl mission to wake up world
leaders, including, here, telling off the
German chancellor, Angela Merkel.
In exploring the science of climate
have Barnacles the polar bear. He is Google, Sky/Now off the world’s beauty through sheer change she witnesses melting glaciers,
the captain of a group of undersea spectacle, but also its fragility (and a fire-ravaged California town — and
heroes (a cat, an octopus with a
posh accent and so forth) who get
into aquatic scrapes. Barnacles is
strong enough to lift a giant clam.
6 Seven Worlds, One Planet
(2019)
A seal pup perishes on the
melting ice. An albatross chick
Blue Planet II’s episode on plastic was
a seminal moment). Netflix’s Our
Planet does the same sort of thing, but
it begins with Attenborough warning
encounters Attenborough. Her legions
of fans will be inspired. BBC1, April

10 eco films, by
But in teaching its audience about struggles to return to its nest after a that “the stability of nature can no Kevin Maher
the biology of the ocean, this British freak gale. In not pulling any punches, longer be taken for granted”. The
animation is top quality. Just ask a
five-year-old. In fact, Octonauts has
been compared to the work of
Jacques Cousteau, although this
this 2019 series offered a turning point
for the BBC Natural History Unit. No
longer was the eco message a closing
warning, but the central narrative
images that follow, from falling
walruses to collapsing ice shelves, are
unignorable. Netflix 11 Erin Brockovich (2000)
Martin Scorsese popularised
the term “cultural smugglers”
to describe film-makers who sneak
may be reaching a bit. BBC iPlayer,
Netflix, Sky
through which the wildlife’s tragedies
were cases in points. Attenborough’s
evolution into a doomsday prophet in 9 Earth Moods (2021)
Or how about this forthcoming
series from National Geographic,
provocative ideas into mainstream
entertainment. The director Steven
Soderbergh is the cultural smuggler in

3 Ben Fogle: New Lives in the

Wild (2013-)
Think you live an eco-friendly
life? You’re not even close, at least not Octonauts
Gore-Tex was complete. “This may be
the most critical moment for life on
Earth since the continents formed,”
he said, less of a warning, more a call
which ditches the narration to show us
our planet in all its magnificence, with
sweeping views of blue glaciers, lush
rainforests and teeming metropolises.
this, a film that purports to be a sassy
drama about a single mom legal clerk
played by Julia Roberts. It is really,
however, about Brockovich’s mission
compared with the individuals whom to arms. Amazon, Apple, BBC iPlayer, The intention is as much to relax the to expose the carcinogenic pollution
Ben Fogle meets in his series (now 14 has been Google, Sky viewer into a state of Zen. Perhaps by of a small Californian town and the
seasons in). These are the kind of
compared reminding us of the beauty of the negligence of corporate America. See
people who have turned their backs on
jobs in insurance to live in subzero
Swedish tundra or the Amazonian
jungle. These progressively regressive
to the
work of
7 Worzel Gummidge (2019-)
Mackenzie Crook’s version of the
scarecrow looks like Freddy
Krueger as imagined by John
world, the series will do more to make
conservationists of us than a dozen
warnings. Disney+, April 16
also Matt Damon in Promised Land
and Mark Ruffalo in Dark Waters.
Amazon, Google, Netflix, Sky

types show us the liberation that

comes with a lifestyle putting zero
strain on their country’s energy
suppliers. Inspiring or barking? As
Jacques
Cousteau
Constable — a timeless, bucolic,
slightly hideous figure scampering
about sun-blessed English fields. Yet
this revival of the 1970s series also
10 Greta Thunberg:
A Year to Change the
World (2021)
There is no stopping Thunberg.
12 The Day After
Tomorrow (2004)
Yes, the dialogue is titter-
inducing. (“Mankind survived the last
 the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 9

arts

n screen: what to watch now BBC; ALAMY

whales). The Cove is the big one. An

Oscar-winning takedown of dolphin
fishing practices, it unfolds like a
Bourne movie, with the former
dolphin trainer Ric O’Barry using spy
technology to film the annual
slaughter in a small cove near Taiji,
Japan. It was met with protests
in that country, where it was
perceived as culturally insensitive.
Amazon, Apple, Google, Sky

19 Vanishing of the Bees

(2009)
There are eerie echoes here
of classic Hollywood disaster movies,
where seemingly inconsequential
details are revealed to have terrifying
implications (think of the dead
squirrels at the start of Dante’s Peak).
Honeybees are the small details in
this urgent documentary, which
cogently argues that the epidemic of
so-called colony collapse disorder is a
worldwide threat to food production
because bees pollinate up to a third of
everything we eat. Amazon

20 I Am Greta (2020)
This fly-on-the-wall
portrait is a moving riposte
to those who suggested that
Thunberg was a green movement
puppet or a PR stunt. Instead, what
the film-maker Nathan Grossman
captures over 12 frenetic months
(from the first school strikes to
Thunberg’s UN address in New
York in 2019) is all-access material
that shows the teenager struggling
with her Asperger syndrome,
suspicious of her fame and worried,
ddesperately so, about the science of
cclimate change. Amazon, Apple, BBC
iiPlayer, Google, Sky

Ice Age. We’re certainly capable of documentary ry about government and Julia Roberts in Erin imagines a future Earth transformed Eco theatre, by
surviving this one.”) And yes, the corporate collusion in the rejection of Brockovich. Below: into a lifeless garbage dump by Clive Davis
science is exaggerated (glacial alternatives to petrol-powered vehicles The Octonauts overconsumption and the greed of
meltwater in the North Atlantic
produces, in a matter of days, an
instant Ice Age). But this depiction
of super-storms and super-tsunamis
made for sobering viewing. Today it
remains deliberately infuriating, as the
film-maker Chris Paine reveals that
electric cars were designed and
mega-corporations. Humans have
become morbidly obese screen-
addicted slobs, marooned in space,
and it’s up to a doughty robot called
21 An Enemy of the People
Ibsen’s vintage play may not
be a standard ecological tract,
but it remains one of the most
is rooted in our collective manufactured by big brands (including Wall-E to drag them back to Earth, influential portrayals of the clash
apprehension about the end point of Ford, Chrysler and Honda) as early as where they can live and die on an arid between ethics and Mammon. The
climate change. As such, though the mid-1990s, only to be swiftly orange hellscape. Sweet dreams, drama depicts the moral turmoil of
spectacular and silly (super-wolves removed from sale (most were little ones. Disney+, Amazon, Apple, the medical officer of a spa town who
too!), it’s also discomforting. Amazon, crushed) under pressure, Paine argues, Google, Sky discovers that the waters are
Apple, Google, Sky from the rapacious oil industry. Thee contaminated. Is he right to risk

13 An Inconvenient Truth
(2006)
sense of time wasted is palpable.
Amazon, Apple, Google
17 Food, Inc (2008)
Eric Schlosser, the author
of Fast Food Nation, narrates
destroying the town’s prosperity?
Based on a stage version by Lindsay
Galloway, BBC2’s 1980 production set
This Oscar-winning film
remains the lodestar for
environmental movies. Taking the
form of a conversational TED talk
15 A Crude Awakening:
The Oil Crash (2006)
This boldly
counterintuitive approach to the
much
mu of this searing exposé of
America’s
A
food
industrial farming and
fo processing sector.
Examining
E the mutually
in a picturesque Scottish town
featured a fine central performance by
the veteran actor Robert Urquhart.
YouTube
(before the rise of TED talks) climate change debate tackles supportive
s relationships between
delivered by the former presidential
candidate Al Gore, it’s an informative
crash course in global warming,
punctuated by biographical
the subject of carbon emissions
from an alternative yet equally
troubling angle. It bypasses the
assumption that oil consumption is
big agribusiness, the
b
supermarkets
su
government,
gov
system
and the US
the film describes a
syste that pushes unhealthy and
22 The Lorax
These are not the best of
times for Dr Seuss: some
of his quirkily illustrated children’s
anecdotes (how Gore became green), evil and illustrates instead how the unsustainable
unsust food on to cash- books have fallen foul of cancel
comedy interludes (clips from post-industrial world remains strapped
strappe consumers. Or as Schlosser culture in his native America because
Futurama) and worrying science. dependent on it, how crude is quickly
kly says: “The
“T industry doesn’t want of the way some ethnic groups are
The predictions are dire (enormous running out and how, despite the you to know the truth about what portrayed. That said, he seems to pass
rises in global sea levels), but the advances in renewables, oil is you’re eating. Because if you knew, all the ideological tests in his story
film ends, crucially, with an uplift irreplaceable. The likely outcome? you might not want to eat it.” Amazon, about a creature who takes a stand
of optimism and the suggestion More poverty, more war. Apple, Google, Sky against the devastation of the natural
that eco activism, at any level, can Available on DVD environment. Audrey Brisson and
save us. Amazon, Google, Sky

14 Who Killed the Electric

Car? (2006) 16 Wall-E (2008)
Warning: only to be watched
by children with robust
18 The Cove (2009)
Expertly made documentaries
about oceanic activism have
become their own genre and include
Jamael Westman lead a live streamed
revival of the Old Vic’s Olivier-
nominated adaptation by the
playwright David Greig and the
In 2006, before anybody had dispositions. This brilliant yet the Sharkwater series (shark composer Charlie Fink.
heard of a Tesla, this probing incendiary so-called kids’ movie conservation) and Blackfish (killer oldvictheatre.com, April 14-17
10 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

times2

Your weekday brain boost

More
puzzles
Pages 14-16

Every day, Monday to Thursday, a page of extra Sudoku super fiendish Train Tracks
puzzles to give your brain an extended workout Lay tracks to enable the train to travel
from village A to village B. The numbers
indicate how many sections of rail go in
each row and column. There are only
Samurai easy New to
straight rails and curved rails. The track
cannot cross itself.
Fill each grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box
contains the digits 1 to 9. Where the puzzles overlap, the rows and Times2
columns do not go beyond their usual length.

Killer deadly
Fill the grid so that every column, every row and
every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set of
cells joined by dotted lines must add up to the target Futoshiki
number in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells Fill the blank squares so that every row and
joined by dotted lines, a digit cannot be repeated. column contains each of the numbers 1 to 5
once only. The symbols between the squares
indicate whether a number is larger (>) or
smaller (<) than the number next to it.

Codeword
Every letter in the crossword-style grid, right, has been
substituted for a number from 1 to 26. Each letter of the alphabet
Thursday’s SAMURAI

appears in the grid at least once. Use the letters already provided solutions
to work out the identity of further letters. Enter letters in the
main grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the
alphabet have been accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded.

Quintagram® Suko
Solve all five cryptic clues using
each letter underneath once only
1 Magpie oddly ignored parrot (3)

---
2 Right time for tempest (4)
QUINTAGRAM
---- 1 Defoe
2 Regal
FUTOSHIKI CODEWORD
3 Endless paradise is swell! (5) 3 Orally
4 Landmass
5 Lecturer
----- SUKO
4 Greek philosopher replotted
argosy path (10)

----------
5 Payment about to arrive: Place the numbers 1 to 9 in
enclosures inside (10) the spaces so that the SUDOKU KILLER
TRAIN TRACKS
number in each circle is
---------- equal to the sum of the four
surrounding spaces, and
A A A A A C E E
each colour total is correct
E E E E E G G H
H M N O O P P P Solutions in
R R R S S T V Y tomorrow’s Times2
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 11

television & radio

Death by honeybee — now that’s a sticky end

a promising name in a drama where It’s often said that his beat is a part
Ben the life expectancy is usually about
23 minutes. Yet while the supporting
of England where the murder rate
is higher than the dodgiest bits of
Dowell characters had any number of reasons
to want Deddington dead, he was
(spoiler alert) spared oblivion, thanks
Mexico City. My mum lives in a
Midsomerish English village where the
only crime is the occasional bit of
TV review partly to the status of the man who
played him. You don’t bump off Griff
diesel theft and where the only known
murder, a crime of passion from the
Rhys Jones in a hurry, not even in 1930s, is still darkly remembered. The
Midsomer Murders. fictional Midsomer is a tad more
Imogen Stubbs’s Tamara — ethnically diverse than hers, of
Ambrose’s weird, possibly incestuously course, after an indiscreet interview
libidinous sister — also survived, no by a producer many years back
doubt for the same reason. As did prompted a representation crisis
Derek Griffiths, the legendary 1970s that has long since been remedied.
Play School presenter who played a Do we notice? Not really.
Midsomer Murders fire-and-brimstone vicar infatuated What is truly bizarre, though, is
ITV with the local doctor. Unfortunately that for all our creative TV brilliance,
{{{(( Midsomer Murders is one of the UK’s

W
for the Randy Rev (oh come on, this is
Midsomer Murders, such talk is most successful small-screen exports.
hile some of you were obligatory), the object of his ardour This is the lens through which we’re
earnestly poring over was soon found flat out in a field with seen, but at least we’re making the
Line of Duty’s fiendish a swarm of bees round her lifeless face. joke and get it. Midsomer Murders is
maze of acronyms The next victim was found covered in gooey, sticky and delicious comedy
and misdirections on wax, looking like a Tom Baker-era even when there aren’t bees involved.
BBC1 last night (for a review of it, see Doctor Who monster when the I’ve sat in a few cast and crew
the News pages), the rest of us (let’s budgets ran out. screenings of this show and it’s
call ourselves the fun kids) were Our sleuth, Neil Dudgeon’s DCI noticeable how the actors always
frolicking in the English sun with John Barnaby (the cousin to John watch themselves in a state of
ITV’s Midsomer Murders, the show Nettles’s previous incumbent, Tom ceaselessly raucous laughter. They
that doesn’t give a stuff and where the Barnaby), has been on the show for love their hamminess and it’s a joke
viewing experience feels like a ten years now but still feels a bit like we’re in on. Next week’s episode
naughty affair. Because how can the new boy, soporifically at home in a centres on a fishing competition
something so wrong feel so right? part that requires him to do little more where a marine monster lurks in the
Last night’s idiocy starred a posh than say the lines without giggling, depths and one of the suspects is
beekeeper called Ambrose ham up the comic subplots and let the called Griffin Twigg. I am already
Deddington, which is not, let’s face it, beautiful scenery do the rest. Griff Rhys Jones and Neil Dudgeon in Midsomer Murders counting the days.

1.00pm Live Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert 7.45 The Whisperer in Darkness 10.00 Naga Munchetty 1.00pm Nihal
Radio Choice Times Radio Andrew McGregor presents a recital from Radio 4 By Julian Simpson (6/15) (r) Arthanayake 4.00 5 Live Drive 7.00 5 Live
Debra Craine Digital Only
5.00am Calum Macdonald with Early
London’s Wigmore Hall, with chamber group FM: 92.4-94.6 MHz LW: 198kHz MW: 720 kHz
5.30am News Briefing
8.00 Out of the Ordinary Sport: The Monday Night Club 9.00
the Nash Ensemble. Bruch (8 Pieces, Jolyon Jenkins investigates the trade in 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan
Breakfast. The best way to start the week Op 82, Nos 1, 5 and 7); and Brahms 5.43 Prayer for the Day supposed pieces of the True Cross (1/3) Cricket Show 10.00 5 Live Sport 10.30
6.00 Aasmah Mir and Stig Abell with Times (Piano Quintet in F minor, Op 34) 5.45 Farming Today 8.30 Analysis Colin Murray 1.00am Dotun Adebayo
Radio Breakfast. Monday’s big stories and 2.00 Afternoon Concert 5.58 Tweet of the Day (r) What the pandemic has revealed
interviews 10.00 Matt Chorley. A full primer 6.00 Today
on the political week 1.00pm Mariella
Tom McKinney introduces a selection of
Manchester-based studio and concert With Nick Robinson and Justin Webb
about the practice of science (8/9)
9.00 The Real Internet Giants
talkSPORT
Frostrup. News, views and reviews 4.00 9.00 Start the Week MW: 1053, 1089 kHz
recordings by the BBC Philharmonic, Kathryn Parsons explores digital
John Pienaar at Drive. Analysis of the day’s including Russian symphonic music and the With guests Chris van Tulleken, innovation in Russia and China (1/2) (r) 5.00am Early Breakfast 6.00 talkSPORT
news 7.00 Phil Williams. Entertaining first instalment of a musical serialisation Edward St Aubyn and Patricia Fara 9.30 Start the Week (r) Breakfast with Laura Woods 10.00 Jim
evening conversation 10.00 Carole Walker. of Dickens’ Oliver Twistt. Tchaikovsky 9.45 (LW) Daily Service 10.00 The World Tonight White and Simon Jordan 1.00pm Hawksbee
Today’s headlines and tomorrow’s front pages (Symphony No 1 — Winter Daydreamss); 9.45 Book of the Week: One Two With Julian Worricker and Jacobs 4.00 Drive with Adrian Durham &
1.00am Stories of Our Times 1.30 Red Box Rachmaninov (Piano Concerto No 3); Bax Three Four — The Beatles in Time 10.45 Book at Bedtime: White Fang (r) Darren Gough 7.00 The PressBox 10.00
2.00 Highlights from Times Radio (Music for the 1948 film Oliver Twistt — By Craig Brown (1/5) 11.00 Loose Ends Sports Bar 1.00am Extra Time
Part 1); Glinka (Symphony on Two Russian 10.00 Woman’s Hour With Harlan Coben, Jessica Fostekew,
Radio 2 Themes); and Coates (Summer Dayss — suite) Hosted by Emma Barnett. Including at
10.45 Drama: Part one of Meet Me
Loyiso Gola and Chris Brookmyre (r) talkRADIO
FM: 88-90.2 MHz 4.30 Early Music Now 11.30 Today in Parliament Digital only
Tom McKinney introduces concertos for At the Museum m, by Anne Youngson 12.00 News and Weather 5.00am James Max 6.30 Julia Hartley-
Afterplay 6.30am The Zoe Ball Breakfast Show. Music,
mandolin performed by Avi Avital and 11.00 Making Demille 12.30am Book of the Week: One Two Brewer 10.00 Mike Graham 1.00pm Ian
Radio 4, 2.15pm entertainment and guests 9.30 Ken Bruce.
Holland Baroque and recorded at the The experiences of a cycle courier living Three Four — The Beatles in Time (r) Collins 4.00 Mark Dolan 7.00 James Whale
Sanjeev Bhaskar chooses the Tracks of My
Waalse Kerk in Amsterdam. Vivaldi (Lute on the minimum wage in London 12.48 Shipping Forecast 10.00 Cristo Foufas 1.00am Paul Ross
Brian Friel’s funny and Years 12.00 Jeremy Vine 2.00pm Steve
Concerto in D RV 93); Antonio Valente 11.30 How to Vaccinate the World 1.00 As BBC World Service
Wright 5.00 Sara Cox 6.30 Sara Cox’s Half
touching two-hander, Wower 7.00 Jo Whiley’s Shiny Happy (Gagliarda Napoletanaa); and Emanuele The race to deliver the Covid-19
6 Music
starring Alex Jennings, Playlist 7.30 Jo Whiley. A mix of new music Barbella (Mandolin Concerto in D)
5.00 In Tune
vaccinations
12.03pm Shipping Forecast
Radio 4 Extra Digital only
above, and Janie Dee, and classic album tracks. Plus, Jo chats to
Sean Rafferty talks to Rupert Gough about 12.06 White Fang Digital only 5.00am Chris Hawkins 7.30 Lauren Laverne
is set in a Moscow café author Candice Brathwaite about the new 8.00am Steptoe and Son 8.30 Life, Death 10.30 Mary Anne Hobbs 1.00pm Shaun
his new recording with The Choir of Royal By Jack London (1/5)
book releases 9.00 The Blues Show with and Sex with Mike and Sue 9.00 The Keaveny 4.00 Steve Lamacq 7.00
in the 1920s and involves Cerys Matthews. A selection of music from Holloway, and the cellist Pablo Ferrandez 12.20 You and Yours
Unbelievable Truth 9.30 Married 10.00 The
discusses his new album Reflections 1.00 The World at One Huw Stephens 9.00 Gideon Coe
a chance meeting between the blues scene 10.00 Trevor Nelson’s Brothers Karamazov 11.00 TED Radio Hour 12.00 In Their Own Words: Michael
7.00 In Tune Mixtape 1.45 Outsiders
two characters from Rhythm Nation. A mix of R&B and soulful
An eclectic nonstop mix of music, including Five writers talk about their relationship 11.50 Inheritance Tracks 12.00 Steptoe and Kiwanuka 1.00am Michael Kiwanuka at
Chekhov. Sonya (from tunes 12.00 OJ Borg 3.00am In Concert: Son 12.30pm Life, Death and Sex with Mike the BBC 2.00 The Michael Kiwanuka Live
John Adams’ fanfare for orchestra Short Ride with the great outdoors (1/5)
Willie Nelson (r) 4.00 Vanessa Feltz and Sue 1.00 Raffles 1.30 Rogue Male 2.00 Hour 3.00 Michael Kiwanuka at 6 Music
Uncle Vanya) manages in a Fast Machinee, Barbara Strozzi’s motet 2.00 Home School History
Not Working 2.15 Gudrun 2.30 A Mix-Tape
a large provincial estate The Fading Loverss and the waltz from Greg Jenner tells the story of the pioneering 4.00 The Michael Kiwanuka Playlist
and is in town on
Radio 3 Gounod’s opera Faustt. Along the way there is nurse Mary Seacole. Last in the series
for Gus 3.00 The Brothers Karamazov 4.00
The Unbelievable Truth 4.30 Married 5.00
business. Andrey (from
FM: 90.2-92.4 MHz
6.30am Breakfast
also music by Handel, Mozart, Grieg,
Grainger and Duke Ellington
2.15 Drama: Afterplay
By Brian Friel. See Radio Choice
Cooking in a Bedsitter 5.30 Just a Minute Virgin Radio
6.00 Dream Story 6.30 A Good Read 7.00 Digital only
Three Sisters) is a violinist, Music, news and listener requests, presented 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert 3.00 Round Britain Quiz 6.30am The Chris Evans Breakfast Show
Steptoe and Son 7.30 Life, Death and Sex
in Moscow to rehearse by Petroc Trelawny. Including 7.00, 8.00 As part of Manchester Week, the Hallé Tom Sutcliffe hosts a contest between with Sky 10.00 Eddy Temple-Morris 1.00pm
with Mike and Sue 8.00 Raffles. The Rest
News. 7.30, 8.30 News headlines Orchestra performs, with an appearance by the last of this year’s teams (3/12)
La bohème at the opera 9.00 Essential Classics 3.30 The Food Programme
Cure. By EW Hornung 8.30 Rogue Male. By Tim Cocker 4.00 Sharleen Spiteri 7.00 Steve
the saxophonist Jess Gilham. R Strauss Denyer 10.00 Amy Voce 1.00am Virgin
house. But what are the Ian Skelly presents music and features, (Serenade in E flat, Op 7); Glazunov Sheila Dillon hears how the food industry is
Geoffrey Household 9.00 TED Radio Hour.
National Public Radio show hosted by Guy Radio Through the Night 4.00 Sam Pinkham
truths and lies lurking including the first of the week’s Essential (Saxophone Concert); Hannah Kendall coping one year after the first lockdown (r)
Raz 9.50 Inheritance Tracks. Famous faces
behind their conversation? Five, which features recordings celebrating (Where Is the Chariot of Fire??); and 4.00 Shock Waves
And as Andrey considers the musical form of Themes and Variations Sibelius (Symphony No 3) Kwame Kwei-Armah looks at how theatre
pick two songs with special meaning for
them 10.00 Comedy Club: Just a Minute.
Classic FM
12.00 Composer of the Week: 10.00 Music Matters has responded to the lockdown (4/5) FM: 100-102 MHz
the peculiarity of living Ravel (1875-1937) Tom Service speaks to Gil Shaham about 4.30 The Digital Human
Jenny Eclair hosts the comedy panel game 6.00am More Music Breakfast 9.00
life “in a waiting room” 10.30 Tom Wrigglesworth’s Hang-Ups. Tom’s Alexander Armstrong 12.00 Aled Jones
Donald Macleod explores Ravel’s powerful artist-owned record labels (r) Aleks Krotoski discovers why people
family plans to fly down to London from 4.00pm John Brunning 7.00 Smooth
they ask: “Is there hope bond with the Basque country, his spiritual 10.45 The Essay: Blood and Bronze want to control their dreams (5/6)
Sheffield 11.00 The Now Show. Steve Punt
for the future?” home and a place that held a strong Jerry Brotton takes a fresh look at the 5.00 PM Classics at Seven 8.00 The Classic FM
and Hugh Dennis present a satirical look Concert with John Suchet. Sibelius (Karelia
sentimental pull over him. Although he only Renaissance by retracing the life of 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast
through the week’s news 11.30 Suite Op 11); Alfven (Swedish Rhapsody
lived there for the first few weeks of his the Italian sculptor and artist Benvenuto 6.00 Six O’Clock News
Mitch Benn’s Crimes Against Music
life, he returned time and time again to his Cellini through his autobiography, 6.30 Just a Minute No 1 Op 19 “Midsummer Vigil””); Arnalds
our tv newsletter coastal motherland, where a key part of his revealing an era that was a lot darker and Gyles Brandreth hosts the (Happiness Does Not Waitt); Grieg (Holberg
Sign up to a weekly briefing of personal and creative identity was formed. more violent than many imagine comedy panel game (5/10) Radio 5 Live Suite Op 40); Stenhammar (Piano Concerto
Ravel (Habaneraa; Pavane pour une infante 11.00 Night Tracks 7.00 The Archers MW: 693, 909 No 1 in B-flat minor Op 1); and Nielsen
the only shows you need to watch defuntee; Alborada del Graciosoo — Miroirss; Hannah Peel presents Jim fears for the future of the parish council 5.00am Wake Up to Money 6.00 (Bohemian-Danish Folk Tunee) 10.00
thetimes.co.uk/bulletins Piano Trio; and Don Quichotte a Dulcinéee) 12.30am Through the Night (r) 7.15 Front Row 5 Live Breakfast 9.00 Your Call Smooth Classics 1.00am Bill Overton
12 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

television & radio

Viewing Guide Pink Panther-ish music resident called Sonia jar and the exact nature of which prompts many the arrival of a
plus the old chap’s Perez, whose daughter of the set-up doesn’t uneasy questions about
Living with Hitler strongman who could
Ben Dowell difficulties mastering apparently thinks feel properly or the ethics and
Yesterday, 8pm
make Germany great
the WhatsApp that she is being robbed honestly explained. methodology of the Starting with the sexual again after the
Undercover OAP: messaging system that and maltreated. But Almost in passing we enterprise. How much freedoms, creative Versailles humiliations.
The Mole Agent is crucial to the mission our delightful sleuth learn that the home deceit was involved? Is expression and An array of articulate
BBC4, 9pm
initially suggest that soon performs his role has agreed to allow a this essentially a sting excitement of the talking heads point to
This strange this film is going to do with skill, dedication documentary crew in operation on vulnerable heady Weimar years, the extent to which
Top film follows everything in its power and charm, even if the and much of the film people? What was the this three-part luck also played a part,
pickan 83-year- to patronise him. technology continues is captured by a involvement of Sonia’s documentary soon with the global
old Chilean There’s a bit of that to fox him at times. professional camera family? To enjoy this takes a sober tone economic recovery,
widower called Sergio going on at first as The odd mixture operator working for film you have to put about life in Germany the death of President
Chamy as he works Sergio begins of real-time footage the film-makers, with those caveats aside and as its darkest hour Hindenburg and the
undercover in a surveillance of his and apparent hardly any of Sergio’s embrace the story’s approached. Economic Reichstag fire playing
retirement home. The “target”, an elderly reconstructions can covert footage used. All life-affirming message. conditions were ripe for into Hitler’s hands.

BBC1 BBC2 ITV Channel 4 Channel 5

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Morning Live. Magazine show 6.00am Bargain Hunt (r) (AD) 6.45 Ready Steady Cook 6.00am Good Morning Britain. Magazine featuring a mix 6.30am Mike & Molly (r) 7.10 Cheers (r) 8.05 The King 6.00am Milkshake! 9.15 Jeremy Vine. The broadcaster
Early

hosted by Kym Marsh and Gethin Jones 10.00 Homes (r) 7.30 Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow (r) (SL) 8.30 The of news and current affairs, plus health, entertainment of Queens (r) (AD) 9.05 Frasier (r) (AD) 10.35 discusses the issues of the day 11.15 George Clarke’s
Under the Hammer. Developments in Margate, Week in Parliament 9.00 BBC News at 9 10.00 BBC News and lifestyle features 9.00 Lorraine. Entertainment, Undercover Boss USA. Travis Boersma, co-founder and Build a New Life in the Country. George meets a couple
Birmingham and Shepherd’s Bush (r) (AD) 11.00 12.15pm Politics Live 1.00 Bitesize Daily for Secondary current affairs and fashion news, as well as showbiz president of a drive-through coffee shop chain, goes who are converting an old Norfolk barn into a family home
Crimewatch Live. Appeals for information from the public (r) 2.00 Earth: The Power of the Planet. The powerful stories and gossip. Presented by Lorraine Kelly 10.00 undercover to learn whether the culture he and his (r) 12.15pm 5 News at Lunchtime 12.20 Our B&B
about crimes 11.45 Paramedics on Scene. Paramedics natural forces that shaped the planet, starting with This Morning. A mix of showbiz chat, lifestyle features, brother hoped to implement is being upheld (r) 11.30 Dream. Lisa Holloway visits a Victorian gothic mansion in
race to Glasgow airport to treat a patient in the volcanos (r) (AD) 3.00 Put Your Money Where Your advice and competitions. Including Local Weather Channel 4 News Summary 11.35 Ramsay’s Kitchen Merseyside, where the owners can sense their home has
operations tower (r) (AD) 12.15pm Bargain Hunt. Charlie Mouth Is. James Braxton and Kate Bliss visit an antiques 12.30pm Loose Women. Showbiz interviews and studio Nightmares USA. The chef tries to revive a pizzeria in a lot to offer, but do not know how to turn it into profit
Ross presents the show from Newark, Nottinghamshire fair in Peterborough (r) 3.45 Put Your Money Where Your discussion from a female perspective 1.30 ITV News; Burbank, Los Angeles, which is failing to attract (r) 1.15 Home and Away (r) (AD) 1.45 Neighbours (AD)
(AD) 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather 1.30 BBC Regional Mouth Is. Antiques experts James Braxton and Kate Bliss Weather 2.00 Judge Rinder. Cameras follow the criminal customers, but matters are complicated when Gordon is 2.15 FILM: Perfect Family, Perfect Murder (PG,
News; Weather 1.45 Doctors. Emma and Zara host a invest a lot of money in their final lots as they approach barrister Robert Rinder as he takes on real-life cases in a thrown out of the kitchen (r) 12.30pm Steph’s Packed TVM, 2019) A foreign exchange student becomes the
menopausal support group and learn as much about their the showdown auction (r) 4.30 The Best Dishes Ever. studio courtroom (r) 3.00 Tenable. Warwick Davis hosts Lunch. Weekday magazine show hosted by Steph target of a stalker and moves in with her room-mate’s
own experiences and friendship as the other women Ainsley Harriott introduces a selection of recipes for party as five friends attempt to answer questions about top ten McGovern 2.10 Countdown. With guest Paul Zenon family in an idyllic American town. Thriller starring
2.15 Impossible. Quiz hosted by Rick Edwards 3.00 food (r) 4.45 The Wonder of Animals (r) (AD) 5.15 Flog lists, then try to score a perfect ten in the final round 3.00 A Place in the Sun. Jasmine Harman searches for Hayley McLaughlin and Danika Yarosh 4.00 Casualty
Escape to the Country. Ginny Buckley helps a couple from It! In Morecambe, Lancashire, antiques experts Charles 4.00 Tipping Point. Ben Shephard hosts the properties on the Canary Island of Gran Canaria (r) 4.00 24/7: Every Second Counts. Staffing problems hit the
London find a new home in Wiltshire with room for some Hanson and Catherine Southon find treasures to take to arcade-themed quiz show in which contestants drop A New Life in the Sun. A couple attempt to make British department as several nurses call in sick. Paramedics are
animals (AD) 3.45 Ready Steady Cook. Chefs Ellis Barrie auction including a vintage Rolex watch (r) 6.00 Richard tokens down a choice of chutes in the hope of winning a beer for the wine-loving French (r) 5.00 Four in a Bed. concerned about a family that were involved in a road
and Jeremy Pang prepare meals against the clock Osman’s House of Games. With Gary Delaney, Rose £10,000 jackpot (r) 5.00 The Chase. Bradley Walsh The first visit of the week is to the Grantham Arms in traffic accident (r) 5.00 5 News at 5 5.30 Neighbours.
4.30 The Repair Shop. The team sets to work restoring a Matafeo, Valerie Singleton and Rav Wilding (r) 6.30 presents as four contestants answer general knowledge Boroughbridge 5.30 Drawers Off. Five more artists get Hendrix and Brent are the guinea pigs for Susan’s Year 13
precious Indian stringed instrument 5.15 Pointless. Quiz Pizza Boys. Following Jez and Ieuan from Llanelli, who questions and work as a team to take on a ruthless quiz creative in the studio 6.00 The Simpsons. Alcohol is initiative (r) (AD) 6.00 Home and Away. Willow returns,
hosted by Alexander Armstrong (r) 6.00 BBC News decided to set off on an adventure across Europe before genius and secure a cash prize. Last in the series (r) outlawed in Springfield (r) (AD) 6.30 Hollyoaks. Felix and stumbles upon Bella at the Diner, causing a huge
at Six; Weather 6.30 BBC Regional News; Weather entering the World Pizza Championships in Parma 6.00 Regional News; Weather 6.30 ITV News; Weather gets involved in Brad’s dodgy dealings (r) (AD) argument (r) (AD) 6.30 5 News Tonight

7.00 Panorama: Covid — Who Got it 7.00 Mary Berry Everyday The food 7.00 Emmerdale Paul is panicked, Liv is 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.00 Gallagher Premiership Rugby
7PM

Right? Jane Corbin investigates writer celebrates dishes that exemplify suspicious and Will does his Highlights Action from the 14th
Covid-19 policies pursued by indulgence (4/6) (r) (AD) best to distract Kim (AD) round of fixtures, including Exeter
governments around the world and Chiefs v Leicester Tigers at Sandy Park
sets out to discover which nations 7.30 Mastermind Specialists subjects are 7.30 Coronation Street Tyrone and and Northampton Saints v Bristol
have had the most successful policies Stephen Sondheim musicals, dog Alina try to convince Seb there Bears at Franklin’s Gardens
breeds, Alan Partridge and the is nothing going on (AD)
Charles Paris novels by Simon Brett

8.05 EastEnders DI Pine tells Mick that 8.00 Only Connect The losing semi- 8.00 Love Your Garden Creating an 8.00 The High Street Cash Crisis: 8.00 Traffic Cops The pubs finally reopen
8PM

Katy has been arrested (AD) finalists battle it out for third place exciting garden for a Dorset family Dispatches Antony Barnett reports after nearly four months of lockdown
coping with a terminal illness (AD) on the collapse of several of Britain’s and as a result the police prepare
best-known brands (AD) for a spike in drink-drive incidents
8.30 Fawlty Towers Basil tries to save 8.30 University Challenge The first of the 8.30 Coronation Street Tyrone admits 8.30 Jamie: Keep Cooking Family on Derbyshire’s roads
money on building costs (2/6) (r) (AD) semi-finals. Jeremy Paxman hosts he has fallen for Alina, and Leanne Favourites A simple recipe that takes
stashes her burner phone before telling the humble aubergine and gives it a
Harvey she wants out (AD) delicious Italian twist (5/8) (AD)

9.00 Football’s Darkest Secret New 9.00 Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond the 9.00 Unforgotten Cassie and Sunny 9.00 24 Hours in Police Custody 9.00 Hoarder Homes: No Room to
9PM

series. Documentary exploring historic Lobby Giles Coren and Monica Galetti interview two of the suspects again New series. A 23-year-old man with a Move New series. Documentary
child abuse that took place in youth visit a high-tech hotel in Macau, and get closer to the truth of what history of violence is questioned over shining a light on the many and varied
football in England from the 1970s to exploring a secret set of VIP suites happened to Walsh. Balcombe believes a string of offences that have left reasons why people hoard, bringing in
the 1990s and the code of silence where it takes more than just money she may have found the cause of victims badly hurt, but refuses cleaning professionals and house
surrounding it. Continues tomorrow. to book a room (1/6) (r) (AD) death. Unexpectedly, things take to give any answers. See clearance expert to help them (1/6)
See Viewing Guidee (1/3) (AD) a devastating turn for Cassie. Viewing Guidee (1/4) (AD)
See Viewing Guidee (5/6) (AD)

10.00 BBC News at Ten 10.00 Have I Got a Bit More News for 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.00 The Circle The latest twists and 10.00 Casualty 24/7: Every Second
10PM

You Charlie Brooker hosts an turns in the reality show which has Counts Dr Julian Humphrey and Sister
extended edition of the quiz from a number of individuals living in Benita Wainwright treat a man with
December 2019, with Emma Barnett the same apartment block, but only the rare condition aortic dissection,
10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather and Phil Wang (10/10) (r) 10.30 Regional News communicating over social media (AD) Dr Humphrey also tries to put a man’s
dislocated shoulder into place and
10.45 RuPaul’s Drag Race UK Jay Revell 10.45 Newsnight Analysis of the day’s 10.45 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories Coleen a 14-month-old is rushed in with
coaches the finalists through a dance events presented by Emily Maitlis Nolan looks back at her life in the breathing problems (6/12) (r)
extravaganza in the grand finale of the spotlight from her first stage
spotlight,
drag queen competition, before this appearance in Blackpool at the age of 11.05 Naked Attraction Anna Richardson 11.05 999: Critical Condition A woman
11PM

year’s superstar is crowned (10/10) two to selling more than 25 million hosts the dating show. A 30-year-old collapses unexpectedly during a day
records with the Nolans (8/8) (r) man who is HIV positive, and a out with her family, and is left unable
musician and rapper from Burnley, to move or walk. The trauma team
11.30 A Week in the Wild Stanley 11.45 Bear & Jonny Wilkinson’s Wild take part (3/5) (r) (AD) leader diagnoses a bleed on her brain
Johnson, Melanie Sykes and Henning Adventure The former rugby union requiring urgent surgery (6/8) (r)
11.55 Top Gear The team takes some of the Wehn tackle a long-distance hike in player joins Bear Grylls to explore
greatest cars featured in James Bond Mexico’s Copper Canyon (r) (AD) Dartmoor’s harsh terrain (1/2) (r) (AD)
movies for a spin,
spin including the Aston
Martin DB5. Freddie Flintoff pits an 12.30am Sign Zone: Countryfile Ellie Harrison joins 12.35am All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite Hard-hitting 12.10am Let’s Talk About Sex Last in the series 12.05am Plastic Surgery Knifemares Last in the
Late

Extreme E race car against a man in a Adam Henson and his team for 48 hours of hectic lambing action from the world of All Elite Wrestling, featuring (r) (AD) 1.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA. series (r) 12.55 Entertainment News on 5 1.00 The
jetpack (2/4) (r) (r) (SL) 1.30 For Love or Money. A man who lost all of the biggest stars on the roster, including Adam A struggling seafood restaurant in Manhattan (r) 1.55 21.co.uk Live Casino Show 3.00 Entertainment News on 5
thousands of pounds and his home after falling in love. Page, Chris Jericho, Cody and Jon Moxley 1.25 Shop: Couples Come Dine with Me (r) 2.50 The Handmaid’s Tale 3.10 Friends. Double bill (r) 4.00 The Dog Rescuers with
Last in the series (r) (SL) 2.15-2.45 My Unique B&B. Teleshopping 3.00 FYI Extra 3.15 Lingo (r) (SL) (r) (AD) 3.55 The Supervet (r) (AD) 4.50 Fifteen to One Alan Davies (r) 4.45 Wildlife SOS (r) (SL) 5.10 Nick’s
1.00am-6.00 BBC News Transforming a 110-year-old narrowboat (r) (SL) 4.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.05-6.00 Tipping Point (r) (SL) (r) 5.45 Food Unwrapped (r) 5.50-6.30 Countdown (r) Quest (r) (SL) 5.35-6.00 House Doctor (r) (SL)
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 13

television & radio

coach Barry Bennell. closing in on all four of Refusing to answer
Football’s Woodward’s courage
Unforgotten the trainee coppers
24 Hours in questions in his police
Film Murder
Darkest Secret ITV, 9pm Police Custody on the Orient
prompted others who were probably in interview, he is
BBC1, 9pm Channel 4, 9pm Express
(including the England Tonight’s penultimate a car when Walsh was released, but before
Being abused is like a player Paul Stewart, episode of this excellent possibly chased and The documentary long there are reports Film4, 9pm
dirty secret, the former who also features in thriller is a deftly certainly killed, either series returns with of a fresh crime wave, Kenneth Branagh
footballer Andy this series) to reveal the constructed heart- by accident or design. more cases, starting including allegations of directs, produces and,
Woodward says. “That’s sickening scale of the stopper as our Whatever truth with tonight’s dramatic a sex attack on a young as Agatha Christie’s
why a lot of people will crimes in youth football tenacious sleuths emerges next week, story of a 23-year-old woman. The force Hercule Poirot, leads
take it to the grave across the country from Cassie (Nicola Walker) we’ve seen enough of man in Bedfordshire deploys an armed a starry cast that
without saying a word the 1970s to the mid- and Sunny (Sanjeev their lives to feel who has been arrested response team to includes Daisy Ridley,
to anyone.” Crucially 1990s. This powerful Bhaskar) inch closer to confident that it is on suspicion of a string apprehend the man, Michelle Pfeiffer, Judi
he went public with his three-part series discovering who killed going to bring of crimes, including but will they collate Dench, Derek Jacobi
story of abuse at the continues tomorrow Matthew Walsh 30 devastation for some where people enough evidence to and Penélope Cruz and
hands of his youth and Wednesday. years ago. The net is all concerned. have been badly hurt. charge him? Johnny Depp. (12, 2017)

Sky1 Sky Atlantic Sky Documentaries Sky Arts Sky Main Event Variations
6.00am Futurama (r) 7.00 Wild Vets (r) 6.00am Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 6.00am Pantani: The Accidental Death of a 6.00am LSO: Sir Simon Rattle Conducts Delage, 6.00am Sky Sports News 7.00 Good Morning BBC1 N Ireland
8.00 Stargate SG-1 (r) 9.00 Brit Cops: Rapid 7.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r) Cyclist (r) 7.45 My Icon: Natasha Jonas (r) (AD) Ravel and Dutilleux With Leonidas 7.45 Sports Fans 7.30 Early Kick-Off 8.00 Good As BBC1 except: 10.45pm Pretty Single. Last
Response (r) (AD) 10.00 Highway Patrol (r) 9.00 Ray Donovan (r) (AD) 11.15 Dexter (r) 8.00 Harrow: A Very British School (r) (AD) Pavarotti: A Voice for the Ages 9.00 Tales of the Morning Sports Fans 10.00 The Football Show in the series (r) 11.15 Scran With My Nan
11.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (r) 1.00pm Hawaii 1.30pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (r) 9.00 Discovering: Albert Finney (r) (AD) 10.00 Unexpected (AD) 10.00 Discovering: Gene Kelly 12.00 Sky Sports News 4.30pm Super League 11.40 RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 12.45am
Five-0 (r) 3.00 MacGyver (r) 4.00 Modern 3.30 Boardwalk Empire (r) (AD) 5.45 The The Directors (r) 11.00 The Movies (r) 12.00 (AD) 11.00 The South Bank Show Originals Countdown 5.00 Live Netball Superleague: Team Top Gear (r) 1.50-6.00 BBC News
Family (r) 5.00 The Simpsons (r) 5.30 Sopranos. Christopher crashes the car (r) (AD) Driving Force (r) 1.00pm Fish Town (r) 2.00 11.30 Auction 12.00 National Treasures: The Bath v Strathclyde Sirens (Centre-pass 5.15)
Futurama. Leela falls into a coma (r) 6.50 The Sopranos. AJ tries to end his misery Pantani: The Accidental Death of a Cyclist (r) Art of Collecting (AD) 1.00pm Tales of the 6.45 Live Netball Superleague: Leeds BBC1 Scotland
6.00 Futurama. Bender heads a campaign (r) as he drifts deeper into depression (r) (AD) 3.45 My Icon: Chris Hughton (r) (AD) Unexpected (AD) 2.00 Discovering: Rita Rhinos v Severn Stars (Centre-pass 7.15). As BBC1 except: 11.45am Grand Tours of
6.30 The Simpsons. Triple bill (r) 7.55 Game of Thrones. Jaime faces off 4.00 PL Legends: David Seaman (r) (AD) Hayworth (AD) 3.00 Portrait Artist of the Year Coverage of the match from the sixth round Scotland 12.00 BBC Scotland News Special
8.00 FILM: Godzilla (PG, 1998) A giant with the High Sparrow (r) (AD) 4.30 Discovering: Ernest Borgnine (r) (AD) 5.30 2019: The Winner’s Story 4.00 Neil Diamond: of fixtures, staged at Studio 001 10.45pm Disclosure: Breaking the Mould
mutant lizard spawned from an atomic test 9.00 Your Honor. Michael continues to use his The Movies. A history of American cinema (r) Music Icons 4.30 Video Killed the Radio Star 8.45 My Icon: Nasser Hussain. The former 11.15 RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 12.20am
rampages through the streets of New York. power to obscure details of the accident. Bad 6.30 Driving Force (r) (AD) 5.00 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) England cricket captain discusses the Top Gear (r) 1.20 Weather for the Week
Hollywood remake of the Japanese monster advice leads Kofi to make a bold move (3/10) (r) 7.30 Formula 1: Drive to Survive (1/10) 6.00 Discovering: Sophia Loren (AD) individuals that have inspired him (AD) Ahead 1.25-6.00 BBC News
adventure with Matthew Broderick 10.15 FILM: My Dinner with Herve (2018) 8.15 Formula 1: Drive to Survive (2/10) 7.00 Brunelleschi’s Impossible Dome 9.00 Fight Night. Anthony Joshua v Dillian
10.30 The Flight Attendant. Comedy thriller Following the unlikely friendship that develops 9.00 Allen v Farrow. Mia tries to shield 8.00 Mystery of the Lost Paintings (AD) Whyte. A chance to see the bout for the British BBC1 Wales
starring Kaley Cuoco (1/8) (r) during a night in Los Angeles between a seven-year-old Dylan (3/4) 9.00 André Rieu: Love in Venice (AD) and Commonwealth Heavyweight titles (AD) As BBC1 except: 12.15pm-1.00 BBC Wales
11.30 Dating No Filter. Comedians observe journalist and French actor Herve Villechaize. 10.10 Allen v Farrow (4/4) 12.15am Discovering: Denzel Washington 11.00 Povetkin v Whyte 2 Countdown 22.03 Today Coronavirus Update 8.30-9.00 X-Ray.
people on first dates (r) Drama starring Peter Dinklage 11.30 I Am Paul Walker. A profile (r) 1.15 Sam Spiegel: Conquering Hollywood 2.15 11.30 Dillian Whyte: Off Limits Consumer show 10.45 Fawlty Towers (r) (AD)
12.00 The Blacklist (r) 1.00am The Force: 12.15am Deadwood. Alma reverts to her old 1.25am King in the Wilderness. Documentary FILM: My Rembrandt (2020) The stories 12.00 Sky Sports News 1.00am Live NBA: 11.15 RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 12.20am
Essex. A dispute between neighbours (r) 2.00 ways (r) 1.20 Ray Donovan (r) (AD) 3.30 (r) 3.30 PL Legends: Andrew Cole (r) (AD) of people who collect paintings by the artist Milwaukee Bucks v Indiana Pacers (Tip-off Top Gear (r) 1.20-6.00 BBC News
Road Wars (r) 3.00 Brit Cops: Law & Disorder (r) Californication (r) 4.05 The British (r) (AD) 4.00 Discovering: Omar Sharif (r) (AD) 4.05 Tales of the Unexpected (AD) 5.05 The 1.00). Coverage of the Eastern Conference
(AD) 4.00 Highway Patrol (r) 5.00 MacGyver (r) 5.00 Richard E Grant’s Hotel Secrets (r) (AD) 5.00 Harrow: A Very British School (r) (AD) South Bank Show Originals 5.30 Auction match at Fiserv Forum 3.30 Sky Sports News BBC2 N Ireland
As BBC2 except: 10.00pm Tréigthe
10.30-10.45 Sporting Traditions (r) 11.30
NIFL Premiership Highlights 12.00 Heroes (r)
(AD) 12.45am-1.30 Heroes (r) (AD)

BBC2 Wales
As BBC2 except: 10.00pm dinnerladies (r)
10.30-10.45 New Voices from Wales

ITV Wales
As ITV except: 6.00pm-6.30 ITV News Wales
at Six 8.00-8.30 A Year in the Life of the
Beacons 10.45 Sharp End. Political discussion
11.15-11.45 Love Your Garden (AD)

STV
As ITV except: 10.30pm STV News 10.40
Scotland Tonight 11.10 Piers Morgan’s Life
Stories. With guest Coleen Nolan (r) 12.05am
Bear & Jonny Wilkinson’s Wild Adventure (r)
BBC4 Talking Pictures More4 Film4 ITV2 (AD) 12.55-3.00 ITV Nightscreen

7.00pm Yorkshire Walks. The artist Shanaz 6.00am FILM: The Hypnotist (PG, 1957) 8.55am Kirstie’s Vintage Gems 9.15 A Place in 11.00am Dakota Incident (U, 1956) Western 7.00am The Ellen DeGeneres Show 8.00 UTV
Gulzar explores Wensleydale as she walks Thriller with Roland Culver 7.45 Glimpses: the Sun: Winter Sun 10.05 Find It, Fix It, Flog It with Dale Robertson 12.50pm The Fighting Emmerdale (AD, SL) 8.30 Coronation Street As ITV except: 8.00pm-8.30 UTV Life
from Leyburn to Bolton Castle Bournemouth in 1930s 7.50 FILM: Let’s Be 12.05pm Escape to the Château: Make Do and Kentuckian (U, 1949) Western starring John (AD, SL) 9.30 Supermarket Sweep 10.30 Love 10.45-11.45 View from Stormont
7.30 The Joy of Painting. Bob Ross Famous (U, 1939) Comedy with Jimmy O’Dea Mend (AD) 1.10 Building the Dream (AD) 2.15 Wayne (b/w) 2.50 3:10 to Yuma (PG, 1957) Bites (AD) 11.30 Dress to Impress 12.30pm
paints a wintry mountain scene (b/w) 9.30 The Adventures of William Tell Four in a Bed 4.55 Find It, Fix It, Flog It 5.55 Western starring Glenn Ford (b/w) (AD) 4.40 Emmerdale (AD) 1.00 Coronation Street (AD) BBC Scotland
8.00 Fake or Fortune? Examining whether an 10.00 Catweazle 10.30 FILM: The Terror The Secret Life of the Zoo. A pregnant antelope’s The Man in the Iron Mask (PG, 1977) 2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 2.55 Love Bites 10.00am Bitesize Scotland: Primary (r) 10.20
unusual sculpture was made by Alberto (PG, 1938) Crime thriller with Wilfrid Lawson aggressive behaviour causes concern (AD) Adventure with Richard Chamberlain (AD) 4.00 The Masked Singer US Authors Live (r) 11.00 Bitesize Scotland Daily:
Giacometti. Last in the series (b/w) 12.00 Overseas Press Club: Exclusive! 6.55 Escape to the Château: Make Do and Mend. 6.45 WarGames (PG, 1983) A teenager hacks 6.00 Celebrity Catchphrase Secondary Programme 5 (r) 11.35 Authors Live
9.00 Undercover OAP: The Mole Agent — (b/w) 12.30pm The Desert Victory 1.45 The Transforming a couple’s Second World War into a top-secret military supercomputer, 7.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Harry Hill (r) 12.15-1.15pm Coronavirus Briefing 2.00
Storyville. The story of an 83-year-old who Farm 1938 2.00 Enemy at the Door 3.00 Talking air-raid shelter into a craft room (AD) unwittingly pushing the world to the brink of celebrates the show’s 400th episode Sign Zone: Paramedics on Scene 3.00 Sign
went undercover in a Chilean nursing home to Pictures TV with Joss Ackland 3.40 FILM: Call 7.55 Grand Designs. Kevin McCloud follows the nuclear war. Thriller with Matthew Broderick 7.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold. Harry Hill Zone: Simon King’s Shetland Adventure
investigate a private detective’s concerns the Northside 777 (U, 1948) Fact-based crime progress of Ian and Sophie Cooper, who aim to 9.00 Murder on the Orient Express (12, narrates a selection of camcorder calamities 4.30-5.00 Coronavirus Briefing Reaction 7.00
residents were being abused. See Viewing Guide drama with James Stewart (b/w) 5.55 Glimpses restore a 200-year-old industrial building (AD) 2017) Hercule Poirot investigates the killing 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Stormborn (r) (AD) 8.00 This Farming Life (r)
10.20 Morocco to Timbuktu: An Arabian 6.00 Interpol Calling (b/w) 9.00 Great Canal Journeys. Part two of two. of a businessman on board the train. Agatha 8.30 Funniest Ever You’ve Been Framed! 9.00 The Nine 10.00 River City (AD) 10.30
Adventure. Alice Morrison follows the salt roads 6.30 FILM: The Green Man (PG, 1956) Sheila Hancock and Gyles Brandreth explore Christie mystery with Kenneth Branagh See 9.00 Love Island: Australia. Aaron and Cynthia Scary Adult Things (AD) 11.00 Susan Calman’s
of north Africa, once the world’s richest trading Black comedy starring Alastair Sim (b/w) the waterways of Staffordshire (AD) Viewing Guide (AD) hang out, and a few sparks fly Happy Space (r) 11.30-12.00 Loop (r)
networks, starting in Tangier where she learns 8.05 FILM: The Canadians (U, 1961) 10.00 Coastal Railways with Julie Walters. 11.15 Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues 10.05 The Stand Up Sketch Show
how the routes were forged (1/2) Western starring Robert Ryan The actress travels from Cardigan Bay to (15, 2013) Newsreader Ron Burgundy becomes 10.35 Family Guy (AD) BBC Alba
11.30 Morocco to Timbuktu: An Arabian 9.50 FILM: Lord of the Flies (PG, 1963) Liverpool. Last in the series (AD) the star of a 24-hour news channel. Comedy 11.05 Family Guy (AD) 6.00am Alba Today 5.00pm Leugh le Linda (r)
Adventure. Alice Morrison treks over the Sahara Drama starring James Aubrey (b/w) 11.05 24 Hours in A&E. The stories of patients sequel with Will Ferrell and Christina Applegate 11.35 American Dad! (AD) 5.25 ’S E Iasg a Th’Annam (r) 5.30 Baile
before flying in to Timbuktu, visiting its 11.40 The Best of the Adventures who are facing adversity head-on (6/8) (AD) 1.35am-3.30 Scouts Guide to the Zombie 12.05am American Dad! (AD) 12.35 The Mhuilinn (r) 5.40 A’Bhuth (r) 5.55 Stòiridh (r)
mosques and meeting the Tuareg people (2/2) 1.20am FILM: Scarlet Street (PG, 1945) 12.10am 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Apocalypse (15, 2015) Three scouts put their Cleveland Show (AD) 1.30 Don’t Hate the Playaz 6.00 Na Moomins 6.25 Port Pàipeir 6.35
12.25am The Joy of Painting 12.50 Yorkshire Drama starring Edward G Robinson and Joan Jimmy Carr hosts 1.15 Great Canal Journeys skills to use when their home town is overrun by 2.05 Iain Stirling’s CelebAbility 2.50 Totally Saidheans Sporsail (r) 7.00 Vets: Gach
Walks 1.20 Fake or Fortune? 2.20-3.20 Bennett (b/w) 3.25 High Journey 4.00 (AD) 2.20 24 Hours in A&E (AD) 3.25-3.55 the walking dead. Comedy horror with Tye Bonkers Guinness World Records 3.05 FYI Extra Creutair Beo (r) 7.30 Speaking Our Language
Morocco to Timbuktu: An Arabian Adventure Shadows of Fear 5.00 The Rogues (b/w) Food Unwrapped (AD) 4.00 Teleshopping Sheridan, Logan Miller and Joey Morgan 3.20 ITV2 Nightscreen 3.30 Teleshopping (r) 7.55 Earrann Eachdraidh (r) 8.00 An Là
8.30 Dealbhan Fraoich (r) 9.00 Trusadh
(r) 10.00 Na Trads: An Tobar (r) 10.30
FilmG (r) 12.00-6.00am Alba Today
ITV3 ITV4 Dave Drama Yesterday S4C
6.00am Classic Coronation Street 7.00 Classic 6.00am World of Sport 6.15 The Big Fish Off 6.00am Teleshopping 7.10 Aussie Pickers 8.00 6.00am Teleshopping 7.15 Monarch of the Glen 6.00am Impossible Engineering (AD) 8.00 6.00am Cyw: Olobobs (r) 6.05 Y Brodyr Coala
Emmerdale 8.00 Heartbeat (AD) 9.00 Bless 7.15 The Saint (SL) 8.20 The Sweeney (SL) American Pickers 9.00 Storage Hunters UK 8.25 The Bill 9.30 Classic Holby City 10.55 Murder Maps 9.00 Monster Ships 11.00 Great (r) 6.15 Rapsgaliwn (r) 6.30 Sam Tân (r) 6.40
This House 9.40 On the Buses 10.45 Agatha 9.30 The Avengers 10.35 Minder (AD) 11.40 10.00 American Pickers 12.00 Storage Hunters Classic Casualty 12.00 The Bill 1.00pm Classic British Railway Journeys 1.00pm The Cei Bach (r) 6.55 Anifeiliaid Bach y Byd 7.05
Christie’s Poirot (AD) 12.40pm Heartbeat (AD) Made in Britain (AD) 12.45pm Live Snooker: UK 1.00pm Top Gear (AD) 2.00 Top Gear EastEnders 2.15 Soldier, Soldier 3.20 All Architecture The Railways Built (AD) 2.00 Timpo 7.15 Ahoi! (r) 7.35 Shwshaswyn (r)
1.45 Classic Emmerdale 2.50 Classic Coronation Tour Championship. Jill Douglas presents Botswana Special (AD) 3.00 Rick Stein’s Creatures Great and Small 4.20 Lovejoy Abandoned Engineering (AD) 4.00 World War 7.45 Cacamwnci 8.00 Peppa (r) 8.05 Ysbyty
Street 3.50 Inspector Morse coverage of the afternoon session on day one Far Eastern Odyssey (AD) 4.00 Top Gear: 5.20 Brush Strokes. Karl Howman stars Weird 5.00 The World at War Cyw Bach (r) 8.20 Octonots (r) 8.30
6.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot. The quest to find at Celtic Manor resort in Newport, Wales, Ambitious but Rubbish. Double bill (AD) 6.00 Are You Being Served? 6.00 Great British Railway Journeys Meripwsan (r) 8.35 Stiw (r) 8.50 Ty Mêl (r)
a missing maid leads to a showdown (AD) featuring the first eight frames of the opening 6.00 Taskmaster. The series winner is chosen 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine 6.30 Great British Railway Journeys 9.00 Asra (r) 9.15 Heini (r) 9.30 Sion y Chef
8.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple. The sleuth quarter-final 4.00 River Monsters 4.30 7.00 Would I Lie to You? With Andy Hamilton, 7.20 Last of the Summer Wine. 7.00 Great British Railway Journeys (r) 9.40 Amser Maith Maith yn Ôl (r) 10.00
confronts dark magic while investigating the Minder (AD) 5.35 Made in Britain (AD) Gabby Logan, Christian Jessen and Diane Parish Foggy invests in some walkie-talkies 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys Olobobs (r) 10.05 Y Brodyr Coala (r) 10.15
death of a fellow holiday-maker in the 6.35 Dramatic Finishes. Great moments 7.40 Room 101. With Larry Lamb, David 8.00 Inspector George Gently. The detective is 8.00 Living With Hitler. New series. The events Rapsgaliwn (r) 10.30 Sam Tân (r) 10.40 Cei
Caribbean. Julia McKenzie stars (AD) 6.45 Live Snooker: Tour Championship. Jill O’Doherty and Lauren Laverne called out when a body is found on a rubbish pile that the German population and the people of Bach (r) 10.55 Anifeiliaid Bach y Byd (r) 11.05
10.00 Law & Order: UK. The evacuation of a Douglas presents coverage of the evening 8.20 Room 101. With Alice Cooper, under the Tyne Bridge and evidence reveals the the occupied countries lived through in the Nazi Timpo (r) 11.15 Ahoi! (r) 11.35 Shwshaswyn
London hospital leads to the discovery of session on day one at Celtic Manor resort Chris Tarrant and Chris Packham victim was dead before he landed (3/4) (AD) era from 1933 to 1945. See Viewing Guidee (1/3) (r) 11.45 Ty Mêl (r) 11.50 Cacamwnci (r)
a tragic death, but when a murder suspect is in Newport, Wales, featuring the conclusion 9.00 QI XL. With Phill Jupitus, Alan Davies, 10.00 New Tricks. The detectives meet their 9.00 War Factories. How the Americans, once 12.05pm News 12.15 Datganiad Covid-19
arrested, the prosecutors have insufficient of the opening quarter-final Danny Baker and Teri Hatcher new boss, DCI Sasha Miller, who wastes no time provoked into war, out-produced the rest of the 1.00 Y Cleddyf gyda John Ogwen (r) (AD) 1.30
evidence to build a case (1/7) (AD) 10.30 FILM: Crank (18, 2006) An assassin is 10.00 Taskmaster. The famous faced getting on with her first case — the ritualistic world so quickly and by such a huge margin Llys Nini (r) 2.00 News 2.05 Prynhawn Da
11.00 Scott & Bailey. With their friendship in poisoned and resorts to desperate measures to contestants fell rubber ducks and destroy a cake killing of an Italian immigrant (9/10) (AD) 10.00 The World at War. Churchill’s plan 3.00 News 3.05 Ni Yw’r Ffermwyr Ifanc (r)
tatters, Rachel and Janet struggle to work keep himself alive long enough to exact a fitting 11.00 Mel Giedroyc: Unforgivable. With 11.10 Silent Witness. Leo visits an old college to attack Germany through Italy 4.00 Awr Fawr 5.00 Stwnsh 6.00 Her yr
together as a team, but they are forced to put revenge. Action thriller starring Jason Statham, Sara Pascoe, Chris Kamara and Jo Brand friend at his psychiatric care centre, where he 11.00 The Two Ronnies. Vintage comedy, Hinsawdd (r) (AD) 6.30 Ar Werth (r) (AD)
their differences aside when Gill is abducted. Amy Smart and Jose Pablo Cantillo (AD) 12.00 Mock the Week. With panellists Gary agrees to investigate a mysterious death. including Tearful Party Guest 6.57 News 7.00 Heno 7.30 News 7.55 Live
Lesley Sharp and Suranne Jones star (8/8) (AD) 12.15am Motorsport UK. Action from Brands Delaney, Holly Walsh and Josh Widdicombe Tamzin Outhwaite guest stars (AD) 11.55 The Two Ronnies. Classic comedy Clwb Rygbi: Scarlets v Connacht (Kick-off 8.00)
12.05am Inspector Morse (SL) 2.15 ITV3 Hatch 1.20 River Monsters 1.50 The Protectors 12.40am Would I Lie to You? 2.00 QI XL 1.25am The Heart Guy 2.30 Mercy Street (AD) 12.40am The Day They Dropped the Bomb 10.05 Hewlfa Drysor (r) (AD) 11.05-11.55
Nightscreen 2.30 Teleshopping 2.25 ITV4 Nightscreen 3.00 Teleshopping 3.00 Aussie Pickers 4.00 Teleshopping 3.20 Brush Strokes 4.00 Teleshopping 1.40 Hitler’s England 3.00 Teleshopping ’Sgota gyda Julian Lewis Jones (r) (AD)
14 1GT Monday March 22 2021 | the times

MindGames
General Knowledge Crossword No 69 Codeword No 4229 Train Tracks No 1280

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

© PUZZLER MEDIA
9

10

11

12 13 14 15

16 17 18

19

20 21 22

23 24

25

26
Lay tracks to enable the train to travel from village A to village
27 B. The numbers indicate how many sections of rail go in each
row and column. There are only straight rails and curved rails.
The track cannot cross itself.
Across 25 King of the fairies in A
1 Summer migrant bird species Midsummer Night’s Dream (6)
named, counterintuitively, 26 Australian city named after Mini Sudoku
after its white rump (8) William IV’s queen consort (8)
9 Survey providing an early 27 Creator of the alienated Fill the grid so
idea of election results (4,4) teenager Holden Caulfield (8) that every
10 Group of nations that column, every
opposed the 24D forces (6) Down row and every
11 Elementary particles 2 Cypriot cheese 3x2 box contains
Every letter in this crossword-style grid has been substituted for a number from 1
the digits 1 to 6
such as positrons (10) often eaten grilled (8) to 26. Each letter of the alphabet appears in the grid at least once. Use the letters
12 University for which Philip 3 Novel whose characters already provided to work out the identity of further letters. Enter letters in the main
Larkin acted as librarian (4) include Napoleon, Snowball grid and the smaller reference grid until all 26 letters of the alphabet have been
accounted for. Proper nouns are excluded. Saturday’s solution, right
13 Automotive firm whose name and Boxer (6,4)
translates as “people’s car” (10) 4 Country whose name Cluelines Stuck on Codeword? To receive 4 random clues call 0901 293 6262 or
16 Former region of N France (7) refers to Jesus Christ (2,8) text TIMECODE to 84901. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network
17 Historical era that began 5 Animal such as the cayman, access charge. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. For the full solution
around the start of the first skink or bushmaster (7) call 0905 757 0142. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s network
millennium BC (4,3) 6 Former name of Thailand (4) access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5.30pm).
20 Famously pugnacious 7 Susan ---, US intellectual,
Victorian prime minister (10) critic and essayist (6) Lexica No 5751 No 5752
22 Rhineland city, once the 8 City where one may
capital of West Germany (4) visit the Uffizi Gallery (8)
23 Ali’s opponent in the 14 Chinese savoury of meat or
N C C A F C O A Y A A T Winning Move
“Thrilla in Manila” (3,7) vegetables in thin pastry (6,4) F M E
L 15 Mother of Elizabeth I (4,6) ________ Black to play.
16 Semi-legendary woman
said to have become pontiff
C L J E áWDW4qDkD]This is position is from
So-Giri, Magnus
during the Middle Ages (4,4) A O L I àDpDWDp0W]Carlsen Invitational,
18 Classic US western TV series ßWDWDWDW0]chess24.com 2021.
that ran for 635 episodes (8) R T U O
19 Surrey town that appended
ÞDWhW4WDW]The latest major event
“-upon-Thames” to its name E K N C ÝW$P$WDWD]isInvitational,
the Magnus Carlsen
which
in 2012 (7)
T T E
ÜDWDWHWDP]features virtually all the
world’s best players.
21 German songs of which
Schumann and Schubert
ÛW!WDW)PD]Early on, grandmaster
A S T U I S O N I N
wrote notable examples (6) ÚDWDWDWIW]Anish Giri raced away
with 8/10. How did he
24 Group of nations that Slide the letters either horizontally or vertically back into the grid to produce a WÁÂÃÄÅÆÇÈWfinish here?
opposed the 10A (4) completed crossword. Letters are allowed to slide over other letters

KenKen Easy No 5221 Futoshiki No 3916 Kakuro No 2875

Fill the grid

using the
numbers 1 to 9
only. The
numbers in each
horizontal or
vertical run of
white squares
add up to the
total in the
© 2010 KENKEN PUZZLE & TM NEXTOY. DIST. BY UFS, INC. WWW.KENKEN.COM

triangle to its left

or above it. The
same number
may occur more
than once in a
row or column,
but not within
the same run of
white squares.
© PUZZLER MEDIA

All the digits 1 to 6 must appear in every row and column. In Fill the blank squares so that every row and column contains
each thick-line “block”, the target number in the top left-hand each of the numbers 1 to 5 once only. The symbols between
corner is calculated from the digits in all the cells in the block, the squares indicate whether a number is larger (>) or smaller
using the operation indicated by the symbol. (<) than the number next to it.
the times | Monday March 22 2021 1GT 15

MindGames
times2 Crossword No 8545 Brain Trainer Cell Blocks No 4112

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Divide the grid

ANSWER ANSWER ANSWER

1 2 3 4 5 6
into square or
EASY 10 TREBLE
IT
+9 1/3
OF IT
–7 SSQUARE HALVE
IT IT
+ 12 ÷ 6 x8 rectangular
blocks, each
containing one
7 8 9 digit only. Every
block must
TREBLE + 1/3
MEDIUM 57 + 84
IT OF IT
– 396 ÷ 12 DOUBLE
IT
+ 95 2/3
OF IT
x5 contain the
number of cells
10 11 indicated by the
digit inside it.

x 6 + 2/3 – 554 ÷ 4 x 5 – 679 + 1/2 + 5834

12
HARDER 13
143 OF IT
TREBLE
IT OF IT
13 14 15

16

17 18 19
Polygon Set Square No 2878

20 From these letters, make words of Enter each of

three or more letters, always including the numbers
the central letter. Answers must be in from 1 to 9 in
21 22
the Concise Oxford Dictionary, excluding the grid, so that
capitalised words, plurals, conjugated the six sums
verbs (past tense etc), adverbs ending work. We’ve
in LY, comparatives and superlatives. placed two
23 How you rate 12 words, average; numbers to get
17, good; 22, very good; 28, excellent you started.

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Each sum
Across 17 Crossedd by swimming (4)) Saturday’s answers should be
1 Military vehicle (8,3) 18 Show to be fa
f lse (8) abhor, ahoy, author, baht, bath, both, calculated left
bothy, broth, butoh, harbor, harbour, to right or top
7 Fully mature (5) 21 Of early invaders (7) harry, hart, hautboy, hoar, hoary, hora, to bottom.
8 Made, fa
f shioned (7) 22 Become established (3,2) horary, hotty, hour, hoya, hurray, hurry,
23 Final outputs of a process hurt, oath, rubythroat, ruth, tahr, that,
10 Minor turning (4,4) thou, throat, throaty, throb, thru, thuya,
11 Pencil or cigarette (3,8) troth, truth, youth Please note, BODMAS does not apply
remnant (4)
1 Plant of mint fa
13 f mily (6) Down Killer Gentle No 7643 Solutions
15 Knitted diamond pattern (6) 1 Loss of fe
f eling (11)
2 Heap; small hill (5) Quick Cryptic 1834 Codeword 4228 Kakuro 2874
Solution to Crossword 8544
3 (Of motiv
i e) other than
GR I T T E A T OWE L
O C X O I A what is admitted (8)
T I E R MOOR I NGS 4 Envelop (6)
O C U T R D S 5 Wo
W oden shoe (4)
T Y R AN N I S E D 6 With good reason (7)
O E R C N P B
WE A K E N S T RA T A 9 Indoor game (5,6)
N M L T I S R 12 Put fo
f rward (8)
P I NEMA R T EN 14 Import illegally (7)
P K A R L I O 16 Victor (6) Train Tracks 1279
L A I DB ACK F L AW
A N L E L L 19 Relating to vision (5) Suko 3130 Square Routes
Chess — Winning Move
NEG L E C T S L E S S 20 Surround, encircle (4) 106
1 ... Rxe3! 2 fxe3 (2 Rxd8 is met
Need help with today’s puzzle? Call 0905 757 0143 to check the
by 2 ... Re1+) 2 ... Qxe3+ picks T S R A T
up the rook on d4 and leaves N N E N I
answers. Calls cost £1 per minute plus your telephone company’s Black a piece up
network access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). A I S T I
T E A R E
Brain Trainer S R N I T
Bridge Andrew Robson Easy 40; Medium 410; Harder 9,743

Cell Blocks 4111 Set Square 2877 KenKen 5220 Word watch
The second week of the New Alt Dealer: South, Vulnerability: Neither
Competition did not go too well Tenderometer (a) A
for your columnist’s team, Orca. Teams ♠ K6 device for measuring the
After the double round-robin, the ♥J 9 8 4 tenderness of peas
fifth-placed team in our group of ♦10 9 3 Killer Tricky No 7644
Matelassé (c) Having a
♣A 10 3 2 raised design like a quilt
six finished with an above-average ♠- ♠ J842 Pricket (c) A metal
score. We were sixth. ♥ AQ 10 7 6 5 2 W N E ♥ K 3 spike on which to secure
This was a deal to write home ♦A K ♦J 8 7 5 a candle
♣Q 8 6 4 ♣J 7 5
S
about (actually,
y wait, we were all at ♠ AQ 10 9 7 5 3
home, on our computers). West ♥- Futoshiki 3915 Tredoku 1674 Sudoku 12,248
(helpfully) leads out the ace-king of ♦Q 6 4 2
diamonds v 5♠ , and (unable to break ♣K 9
open clubs), switches to the ace of
hearts, which you ruff. At trick four, S W N E
you cross to the king of spades and 1♠ Dbl 1NT Pass
observe West discard. Over to you. 4♠ 5♥ 5♠ (1) End
You’d like to use dummy’s (1) The spade holding says “bid”; the heart
remaining spade to finesse against holding says “double”. I’d have doubled —
East’s ♠ J84. You’d also like to use after all, “Five is for the other side”.
the spade to ruff your fourth dia-
Contract: 5♠ , Opening Lead: ♦A Quintagram
mond. You can use it only once.
Here’s a clever route — involv- West discards a heart, dummy 1 Pin Killer 7642
ing a trump coup. At trick five, you 2 Check
throws their diamond, and East is 3 Skewer
ruff a heart. You cash the queen of poleaxed in three suits. If East dis- 4 Stalemate
diamonds (West discarding), ruff a cards a diamond, your ♦Q6 are 5 Sacrifice
diamond, and ruff another heart. promoted. If East discards a club,
You cash the king of clubs, cross to yyou can cash the king (felling East’s Lexica 5749
the ace and, hey presto, hold jack) and finesse dummy’s y ten
♠ AQ10 over East’s ♠ J84. Eleven (then cash the ace). Therefore, East M O U S E

tricks and game made. has to discard the king of hearts. A A

Intriguingly, you can also suc- That discard may save East, but D R I V E N
ceed by using dummy’s spade to you can now turn the screw on E E I
finesse the ten, so picking up East’s West. You cash the queen of dia-
spades. You run your spades, leav- monds, squeezing West between C

ing this ending as you lead your hearts and clubs. S I N K Quiz
last spade. ♠ - I believe this wonderful ending As with standard Sudoku, fill the grid so that every column,
♥J is a non-simultaneous double every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9. Each set Lexica 5750
1 Gordon Ramsay 2 Red 3 French Foreign Legion
♦10 guard squeeze (the guard bit being of cells joined by dotted lines must add up to the target number 4 One tenth 5 Bing Crosby 6 Dr Martens 7 Odessa
♠- ♣A 10 3 ♠- the finesse of the ten of clubs if in its top-left corner. Within each set of cells joined by dotted D O C K E T 8 India 9 Rosemary Conley 10 I Capture the Castle
♥ Q 10 N ♥K East bares the jack). Even if it’s lines, a digit cannot be repeated. 11 Battle of Grunwald 12 Valerian — the first Roman
♦- W E ♦J 8 C A
emperor to be captured as a prisoner of war 13 The
♣Q 8 6 S ♣J 7 perhaps a bridge too far for mere S H O R N

♠ 7 (led) mortals, the lesson is that playing

y Cluelines Stuck on Sudoku, Killer or KenKen? Call 0901 293 Sonics. The album is titled !!!Here are the Sonics!!!
R M M
♥- out all your
y trumps (everyy last 6263 before midnight to receive four clues for any of today’s 14 Sailing. The competition is the America’s Cup
♦Q 6 one) often yields an extra trick. puzzles. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network D E F A C E
challenger selection series 15 Autoharp
♣K 9 [email protected] access charge. SP: Spoke, 0333 202 3390 (Mon-Fri 9am-5.30pm). W
 22.03.21

For extra
puzzles
See page 10

Word watch Sudoku Easy No 12,249 Difficult No 12,250 Fiendish No 12,251

David Parfitt

Tenderometer
a A device for
measuring the
tenderness of peas
b A poetic line of 12 feet
c A scale of sensitivity
to sound

Matelassé
a A large coffee cup
b Snobbish
c Having a raised design
like a quilt

Pricket
a A small isolated wood
b A pincushion
c A metal spike on
which to secure a candle

© PUZZLER MEDIA
Answers on page 15

Fill the grid so that every column, every row and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 to 9.

The Times Daily Quiz Olav Bjortomt Suko No 3130

GETTY IMAGES
1 In the US, which Scottish 11 Which 1878 painting
chef has hosted the Fox by Jan Matejko depicts a
TV shows Hell’s Kitchen, Polish-Lithuanian
Kitchen Nightmares and victory over the
MasterChef? Teutonic Knights on
July 15, 1410?
2 The top half of
Singapore’s national 12 Which Roman
flag features a white emperor was taken
crescent and pentagon prisoner by the Persian
of stars on a background emperor, Shapur I,
of what colour? following the Battle of
15 Edessa (AD260)?
3 Founded on March 9,
1831, the Légion 6 Which British brand went critical on August 13 Which US garage
étrangère is known by makes the 101 smooth 4, 1956? rock band’s 1965 debut
what English name? leather ankle boot LP features The Witch,
and the unisex 2976 9 Which Leicester-born Psycho and Strychnine?
4 The word “decimate” Chelsea boot? entrepreneur’s Hip and
comes from the Latin Thigh Diet book and its 14 Luna Rossa defeated
for “removal of …” 7 The 192-step Potemkin sequel have sold more Ineos Team UK in the
which fraction? Stairs are a symbol of than two million copies? 2021 Prada Cup final in Place the numbers 1 to 9 in the spaces so
which Ukrainian city? which sport? that the number in each circle is equal to
5 Which US crooner and 10 Cassandra Mortmain the sum of the four surrounding spaces,
co-star of the Road to … 8 Which Asian is the first-person 15 Which musical and each colour total is correct
films won the first country’s Apsara reactor narrator in which instrument is pictured?
Grammy Lifetime — its first nuclear 1948 debut novel by For interactive puzzles visit
Achievement Award? research reactor — Dodie Smith? Answers on page 15 thetimes.co.uk

The Times Quick Cryptic No 1835 by Joker

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Across Down
1 One in a well, keen to pull 2 Old beset by criticism, mostly
themselves up? (8) long-suffering (5)
6 Cricketers take them out to 3 Urgently request ancient
8 9
lunch (4) stories of devils? (7)
8 Body of rook found in small 4 Freeze ingredient for milk
wood (6) pudding that’s not started (3)
9 I’d reversed some magic said 5 Good and moving death for
to make disappear (6) mafia chief (9)
10 11 10 City house is sound again (4) 6 Herb, one about to be cut from
11 Perfect female breaking all the church building (5)
rules (8) 7 One needs time and
12 Waterbird heads for good river motivation for such a crime (7)
12 13 14 estuary to live (5) 11 Secret society member
13 Smell article relating to a criminal men so fear (9)
person (5) 12 English law set up after
15 Grass covered by mould? (8) weapon used in part of boat (7)
15 16 17 18 17 Moral project involving saint 14 Joke grasped by May Queen?
(4) (7)
19 State offering some Alaskans a 16 Beginning working group (5)
subsidy (6) 18 Small company about to be
20 Part of school programme’s successful (5)
19 20
more taken off? (6) 20 Owl flying close to the ground
21 Thaw encountered around (3)
heart of Himalayas (4)
22 Modern left party’s ending —
21 22 we had a new union member
(5-3) Friday’s solution on page 15