Private

Life Force
Tat Tvam Asi – Thou Art That

Willow

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I recognize the difference between the worlds of truth and
fantasy

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 All rights reserved.

No part of this manuscript may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form
or by any means without the prior permission in writing of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in
any form of binding or cover other than in which it is published and without a similar condition including
this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser

Copyright © 2011 by Rian Pretorius

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I wish to thank Temple United Vampyre Unitarian Pagan, the Vampire Church , the Atlanta Vampire
Alliance and House of True Blood for their assistance in writing this novel. I also express my deepest
gratitude to those Vampire institutions who allowed me to quote from their sacred texts.

I also wish to thank all those who have been a great inspiration in writing this work. Thank you.

The characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, and
real life events are purely coincidental.

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 Chapter One
Dorothy’s hands trembled as she read the text message for the second time.

“I dreaded this day since the day we got married and I always hoped it would not come,” she read.

“However, now you have asked the question and I have no choice but to answer you. What is Mother
Temple? I belong to a very, very old religion, my dearest Dorothy. A religion far older than the oldest
form of paganism. I am a Vampire.”

A strange cold sensation ran down Dorothy’s spine. She was married to John for nearly three years and
never suspected this. Vampires are fiction, myth. They don’t exist! Her legs felt like rubber. It has been
nearly a year since their divorce and during this time John hardly attempted to communicate with her.

“I love you deeply and I will continue to do so for the rest of my cursed immortal life. I should have
spoken to you about my true nature before we got married, but I thought I could change. I wanted to be
human for you Dorothy, but I failed.”

Dorothy’s vision blurred. Tears were welling up behind her eyes. She swallowed it back and wiped her
eyes with the back of her hand. Even though their marriage ended under very dark and sour
circumstances, she was still very much in love with her ex-husband.

“I have sent you a lengthy e-mail, explaining much about my life and my nature. I shall fully understand
if you don’t ever speak to me again after reading this message. The only assurance I can give you at this
point is that I am not crazy, and I am most definitely not using halucigenic drugs. Vampires are very real.
We have been walking among the human race for thousands of years. The vampire underworld is much
larger than most people could imagine. There are vampire houses in every major city of the world.”

Dorothy had to bite her lower lip to make sure that she was not having some freaky nightmare. When
John made contact with again two weeks earlier, she was hoping that they could find some form of
closure regarding their marriage. There were many loose ends which needed to be tied up. When John
told her that he still loved her in that first message, she thought there was still hope…..

It was a long hard day at work. John was tired. He had not fed in days and he could feel his energy levels
were low. He knew he had to feed soon. His survival was at stake. In the three years he had been
married to Dorothy he hardly fed. Prior to his marriage he had always fed off sexual energy, when blood
was not available. Meeting Dorothy again in this life nearly cost him his own demise. He had always felt
guilty when he had to feed off some unsuspecting stranger. He did vow to be faithful to Dorothy.
Feeding off her was also out of the question, as he was petrified of hurting her. John had to turn to

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feeding on his own blood during their marriage. Survival is the highest law and when hungry you would
eat most anything.

In a way the divorce was an easy way out and a new lease on life for him, yet he felt empty since she
left. It was as if a part of his soul left with her that day. The summer sun was blazing down on John’s
shaven head. He flipped his sunglasses onto his face.

“Thank the Vampire Gods for the invention of sunglasses,” he thought as he walked out of his office and
stepped onto the pavement. How things have changed over the last century. Not only have vampires
evolved and were able to walk in the sun, but so did technology. The street was bustling with
commuters on their way home.

Cars were whizzing past, traffic lights were directing the flow of vehicles and skyscrapers were towering
high above John. His horse had made way for the speed train. Humans lived longer and produced more
of their own kind, which was a good thing. That meant more to feed from. However, so little had
changed as well. Humans were still just as cruel and savage as they were thousands of years ago. They
were also still just as ignorant. If something could not be explained in their feeble realities and narrow
minds is was put down to fantasy and make belief. Ask the witches John have taught over the years.
They will contest to that.

John had found by teaching Witchcraft and Wicca he could attract people who were more open minded
and accepting. He could move among these groups of people more freely as they would accept him
much easier. They would put his cold eerie presence down to his abilities as a “witch”. This also helped
to make his immortal life more bearable as it meant company when he wanted it. It most definitely
made life less lonely. There were many similarities between the Witchcraft religion and his own and
very often John could attend public circles and worship his own Dark Gods there without anyone
noticing.

John never really liked people. They were born to serve, not to Live. “Fucking cattle,” he thought again,
looking around as people scurried in their different directions. How pathetic these creatures actually
were. They still lived in a world where they apologized for their presence, still groveled to their
imaginary God when they prayed and made themselves off to be nothing but mere worthless worms.

“Yet,” he mumbled to himself “they think they are at the top of the food chain, when they are not. They
are food too! If only they knew it is us who rule their world. We need to feed and they are our prey.”
John smiled bitterly at the thought.

How often are vampires not depicted as dark evil creatures? Feeding on humans are not evil. He had
never seen any human beg for forgiveness for the animals they hunt for pleasure, or for the meat they
ate. Humans are far worse. They torture animals when testing is done for beauty products and
medicine. Humans are a disease, an infection. They are over populating the planet - killing their only
means of survival by destroying the land they live on. In the end, no matter what, all animals kill
something for survival and so do vampires.

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He started his decent down the stairs to the train station. The dim light here was more bearable for his
eyes. However, he preferred to keep his sunglasses on. This way it was easier to unobtrusively look
around for something to snack on. Life would be so much easier if he could find a donor. Yes, he needed
a Black Swan. Someone who would allow him to feed off them willingly regularly. However, this would
mean commitment and John could never commit to anyone ever again.

The one thing he liked about travelling with the speed train was its punctuality. It would be much easier
to run home at the incredible speed he was capable of or flying there, but it would also attract a lot
more attention to him, something he could not afford in this modern age. The last he needed was
another vampire hunter on his trail. The trained pulled into the station at exactly five o’clock. John
boarded and took his seat. He liked routine. It made him feel safe.

Nothing on the train looked appetizing enough. Over the years living in the city, John became picky
when it came to feeding and since Dorothy left it became worse. He preferred feeding off men. Their
energy was much stronger and as he liked a challenge during the hunt, this presented him with much
opportunity and satisfaction. Shortly after the divorce John moved in with his brother, Stephan. It was
Stephan who introduced him to the dark, seedy side of gay night life. Leather and cruise bars made the
ideal hunting ground. Gay men frequenting these spots made the ideal prey. They were normally
trashed out of their minds on drugs and never even really noticed when they were being drained. Being
with men in that way made John feel less guilty as he wasn’t being unfaithful to Dorothy with another
woman.

John took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his brother’s number. Stephan and John had shared
many lives together. They weren’t blood brothers. John was there when Stephan was turned in the late
1700’s. He could still remember it as if it was yesterday.

It was early evening, shortly after sunset. The world was a harsh place back then. Humans were more
open about their savage natures than they were today. As John approached Stephan’s homestead he
could make out a faint, ghostly red glow against the night sky. He immediately knew something was
wrong. He spurred his horse on to run faster. Farm attacks in this part of the country was still rampant.
John spoke to Stephan on many occasions prior to this night about selling the farm and moving to the
city. Although John only saw humans as cattle, he had a special bond with Stephan. His friend reminded
him much of his own little brother, who had died five hundred years before.

As the glow became brighter on the horizon, John’s acute sense of smell started telling him a story. His
friend’s house was ablaze. He could also pick up on the faint scent of fresh blood. Stephan was injured.
He was still alive though, but he was injured. John leaped off his horse. He could ran much faster as the
animal. Not that he liked displays of this nature in public, but this was an emergency.

Within the blink of an eye, John stood at the stairs leading up to the front door. The whole house was
engulfed in flames. The wood crackled and glass exploded in the hell in front of John. He squinted his
eyes. Even the intensity of this light was too much for his sensitive eyes. He raised his hands and

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shielded his eyes against the bright light. John rushed inside. He could smell his friend. Above the
crackling of the flames, he could make out a faint heartbeat. Stephan was going to die.

John found him lying in the dining room. The Cape Dutch home’s white walls were slowly turning black
from the smoke and soot. Beams were collapsing from the high ceilings.

“Stephan!” he called. There was no reaction from his friend. The floor was covered in a stream of thick
red blood. John could not help the sickening urge that overcame him. What a waste of food. Life Force
spilt everywhere. “Savages,” he thought, grabbing his friend around the waist, lifting him over his
shoulder. They were outside on the lawn in a flash.

“Stephan…. Can you hear me?” There was no reaction. His human friend’s light was fading, and fading
fast. John’s mind raced. Stephan was his only friend. The only person who knew of his true nature. The
only human who ever accepted him for who and what he was. Stephan was the only person John had
ever met who would gladly lay down his life if he had to save John. John wasn’t capable of loving
anyone. Humans died. John was immortal. It meant heartache and pain when then those John cared for
deeply did cross over. He wasn’t going to allow this to happen again.

“But what if Stephan did not want this? What if he was happy being human. Happy with his soul
reincarnating in another body one day?” John’s mind was still racing. Vampires were not like humans.
They were immortal. Humans died and reincarnated again at some point in another body Vampires had
a choice. They could either stay in one body, or if things got too sticky for them, they could switch
bodies. Their souls, however, always remained Vampire. They always returned as Vampires. Their souls
never rested.

Stephan’s heartbeat became even fainter. He hardly breathed now. His body was damp and cold. John
could hardly feel any life force in his friend. He only had a few seconds left if he wanted to save the
young man’s life. He smiled sadly. Is this actually saving a life, or is it cursing someone he cared for
deeply? A curse Stephan would carry with him for the rest of his immortal life.

John slipped his own wrist in between his lips. There was no more time to waste. This meant life…. Or in
Stephan’s case probable death. He could feel his sharp fangs now. Growing…. ready…… John bit down
hard. He flinched as his teeth pierced through his own skin and blood gushed over his lips. Crimson
rivulets of warm blood running over his chin. He hated the taste of his own blood. It tasted dry, like
cheap old dry wine.

John grabbed his friend’s mouth and forced it open. He pressed his wrist against Stephan’s mouth,
making sure he was swallowing. “Drink my friend….” he whispered. He held his wrist against Stephan’s
mouth for what felt like an eternity. Then he pulled away gently. The transformation process wasn’t
complete yet. How wrong did people have it. You don’t turn another Vampire by simply giving them
your blood. You also had to give them the breath of life.

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“For I am the only God that is….” John thought. “Jehovah gave Adam life, by giving him His breath. Now I
am going to give you eternal life by giving you my breath, my friend.” He opened Stephan’s mouth
slightly. The deep red blood on his lips reflected the light of the blazing fire behind the two men.
Stephan’s lips were slightly parted. His snow white teeth now stained with blood. John gently placed his
own lips on his friend’s. Stephan’s lips were cold. John preferred this cold feeling. He never liked the
warmth human bodies possessed. He pulled his friend’s nearly lifeless body closer to his, embracing him
tightly. Stephan’s limb body slotted in against John’s almost perfectly. For a split second John had a
strange warm feeling rush through his own body. “Could this be what humans experience when they
feel love?” he thought.

This macabre love scene in some very strange way aroused John in a way that he never experienced
before. But there was no time to analyze his feelings right now. Time was of the essence. He inhaled
deeply through his nose, nearly choking on the smell of the burning building – which was about to
completely collapse. He exhaled through his mouth, blessing the dying man with immortal life.
Stephan’s eyes nearly immediately flung open……..

“Hey Steph, I am in the mood for a good party. Feel like going to the Vamp Haven tonight? John asked.

Vamp Haven was the only Vampire Club in Johannesburg. The location was kept a secret and its mere
existence was only known to other Vampires.

“Not particularly. I am not in the mood for a bunch of pompous vampires,” Stephan replied.

John smiled. Stephan never liked other vampires. Many in the community would see him as a renegade
as he had too much sympathy with humans sometimes.

Almost all Vampires hated the Renegades. It was these people who destroyed the vampire Gods’
Golden Age of Rule. They were generally younger Vampires who had joined the ranks of Those Who had
Risen. However, they could never let go of their human natures completely and strongly identified with
their mortal origins. These infant Gods then initiated a rebellion against their Superiors. They felt too
much compassion for the human cattle whom lived only to serve their Vampire masters. Thus the first
great wars erupted and the Vampire race was torn in two.

“I need to feed brother,” John said. “It has been a while since I last fed. “

“Your skin going tender again?” Stephan was concerned.

“Yeah, and I am really running on reserves. I don’t even bleed at the moment, so feeding on my own
blood is not an option.”

“Why don’t we hit one of the sleaze clubs in downtown Jo’burg tonight? I am sure you will find
something to entertain you there.”

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That was the best suggestion John had heard all day. “Great,” he said. “See you at the station in a couple
of minutes. We can go home, change and hit the road.”

Studying with her Wiccan Circle in Johannesburg, Dorothy had heard about an underworld consisting of
people who act out their vampire fantasies. She never gave it much thought as she was under the
impression that creatures like that only existed in novels and fantasy. She was addicted to the HBO
television series True Blood. She had not missed a single episode since its first screening on television.
She was a devout follower. Never could she have imagined that she had her very own vampire Bill. She
lived with the man for nearly three years. How stupid was she?

Dorothy sat down in front of her computer. She was still trembling. She flicked a strand of hair out her
face and logged on. She carried her years well. A few grey hairs started showing their nasty faces
between her fiery red bush of hair. Not that it bothered her much. Those you could still cover with hair
coloring. A few thin laugh lines stared to web their way around her eyes.

“Laugh lines,,,” she thought. Studying her reflection in the computer screen. “I haven’t done much of
that the last couple of months.”

It was difficult for a 44-year-old to rebuild life. After she left John, she moved as far away as she could
from the memories. Had Cape Town be any further, it would have suited her better. Hell the north pole
was still not far enough. She was lucky to land herself a job at a local backpackers. The salary was crap,
but at least she had free lodging and food. She was also given an opportunity to study tourism through
the new company. An opportunity she grasped with both hands.

She opened John’s e-mail and started reading. “People so often associate darkness with evil. Evil is a
human term. When we fear something we are so quick to make it off as evil. I realize this is human
nature, but I want to beg you not to fear what I am Dorothy. I want you to think about nature. You
follow a nature based religion, so this might make sense to you. Nature is not only good my angel. As
you know nature is both cruel and kind. Nature is beautiful, but it is also harsh. Weak animals die, or
they fall prey to those predators stronger than them. That is the food chain. Predators need to survive as
well. It is the same with Vampires. We are at the top of the food chain and we need to feed off humans
to survive. Not all of us kill our victims. Most of us only take what we need.

“Life feeds on life. I am sorry to tell you this, but as a vegetarian you are a plant killer. Does this make
nature evil? There is a dark side to everything in life. And the darkness is not always evil or negative.
Sometimes we find the most incredible beauty in the dark, all we have to do is embrace it. ”

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