‘Cartoons from The Far Side, Beyond The Far Side, andun Search of The Far Side — plus & full-color mini-posters THe FAR iy Cf ‘i el Pe LI by any Lamson ee fit — = K—The Far ROWE (GA by Gary LARSONhe Far Side Gallery copyright © 1980, 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984 by the Chronicle Publishing Company. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No Part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. For information write Andrews, McMeel & Parker, a Universal Press Syndicate Affliate, 4900 Main Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64112. ISBN: 0-8362-2062-5 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 84-81550 Fist Printing, September 1984 Tenth Printing, September 1986 ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews, McMeel & Parker books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for ‘educational, business. or sales promotional use. For information, please write to: Special Sales Depar iment, Andrews, McMee! & Parker, 4900 Main Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64112,This is my brother's fault. ‘As. young boy, | was plagued with an overactive imagination — ‘compounded by the fact that we lived in a house with your standard, monster- infested basement. Occasionally, | would hear my father’s command that never failed to horrify me: "Go down to the basement, Gary, and bring up some firewood.” Death. ‘And so down I'd go, certain | was about fo become the leading character in a story that would be told around campfires for generations to come. (“Say, has anyone here heard, The Boy Who Went for Fitewood'?”) My task nearly completed, | would begin my quick ascent back fo the world of the living. And then, as it had countless times before, it would happen. With an audible click, followed by sinister laughter, the lights would go off. Engulfed in blackness, | would scramble my way to the top of the stairs only to find the door held firmly shut. From the other side, where the light switch was controlled, | would hear my older brother's voice begin to chant: “I's coming for you, Gary! I's coming! Do you hear it? Do you hear it breathing, Gary?" Unbeknownst to my parents the deep grooves in that side of the door were not caused by the dog. Now, many years later, here | am a cartoonist. And if the cartoons | draw seem a little — well — different, | hope this story has scratched the surface of understanding my childhood: a sort of “Theodore Cleaver Meets the Thing.” So, without further ado, let my brother's handiwork be revealed. | hear something coming — Gary Larson“Sol... Out bob bob bobbing along again!" “Foca... Souns tke the former's vite has relly “Now slay calm ... Let's hear what they sald fo Bil” flipped out this tim“Oh, brother! . .. Not hamsters again!” “Big Bob says he's getting tired of you saying he doesnt really exist.” joesnt really ex“And I've only one thing to say about all these “Say, honey ... didnt | meet you last night at the complaints I've been hearing about. .. venison!” feeding-renzy?”“Yoo-hoo! Oh, yoo-hoo! . .. think I'm getting a blister.” “Andrew! So that's where you've been! And good heavens! ... There's my old hairbrush, too!”AS “Gad, | hate walking through this place at night. “Well, ll be! Eggbeater must have missed that one. “So then Carl says to me, ‘Look... Let's invite over the “The herting’s nothin’... 'm going for the new neighbors and check ‘em out.” whole shmeert™“Okay ... On the count of three everybody rates.”a1 N it, Arnold! Step on it!” ‘Step on I“Dont encourage him, Syivia. L L i “This is just not effective ... We need to get “Hello, Im Clarence Jones trom Bil's office and... ‘some chains.” ‘Oh! Hey! Mistletoe!”“Vive Ia difference.” “Excuse me, Harold, while | go slip into something “Rejected again, huh, Murray? ... Have you heard more comfortable.” ‘about this new breathtreshening toothpaste?”‘Near Gettysburg, 1863: A reflective moment. “You idiots! . .. Well never get that thing down “Look... You wanna try putting him back the hole!” together again?”“We've made I, Warren! ..- We're going to need the net!” “Good heavens, Stuart! . .“I Could have guessed . .. my friends all wamed me. “Not foo close, Higgins ... This one’s got a knife.” ‘hat this breed wil sometimes turn on you.”or else! ou tand Ginger ‘baqer Lider OF the gar What_they hear how many here say the ‘heart has four chambers?" “Okay, Williams, we'll vote _ «Lust felt the frst drop of rain.” “We're almost tree, everyone!“Lasked you a question, buddy... What's the square root of 6.2487"“I don't know where your father is tonight . . ‘bangin’ his head against some tree.” No doubt “And $0 I've reached the conclusion, gentlemen, that 2 the Wonker Wiener Company is riddled with incompetence.”“You heard me, Simmons! .. . You get that cursed ‘bugle fixed!" “don't know . .. how many college students do you think you could eat at one time?”“Disgusting... . Its just a sort of heavy huffing and putting.”low thi “told you guys o st something like iscovered a leak” i“Well, so much for the unicoms .. . But from now on, “Wouldn't you know it! Now the Gil carnivores will be confined to ‘C’ deck” the bomb,”“Knock, knock, knock . .. Ding dong, ding dong . . ‘Anybody home? ...Knock, knock, knock...”“Hey! | got one! | got one!” “ifs no use . .. We've just got to get ourselves a “Hot oll! We need hot oil... real damsel.” balloons!"So, Mr. Fenton .... Let's begin with your mother.”‘Hang on, Betty . .. Someone's bound fo see us eventually.”"Woy, Dur. New roommate, Du New “Oh, wow | can’ Believe this thingt Doss my voice roommate! ... Friend, Durk!... Friend! . feally sound that funny?"i LE} \ First pants, ) TREN. { = ie ) Your shoeswe do have two children thelr vegetables." ‘Something's wrong here, Harriet... This is start 100k less and less like Interstate 95." ing to; a strange feeling like we've Ist been going In circles.”“And now we're going to play she-lovesme, ‘she-lovesmenolt™ “Hey, c'mon now! . .. You two were MADE for each other!” “This Is a test. For the nex! thirty seconds, this station spent at Wilson's ... and then you had fo go and do that on ‘will conduct a test of the emergency broadcast system,“Oh, Mis. Oswald ... you've forgotten “Counterclockwise, Red Eagle! something again.” “Always counterclockwise!” ‘Well that's how it happened, Sytvia .. .1 kissed this “t¥e done it! The first real evidence of a UFO! ... And frog, he tums into a prince, we get married and wham! ‘with my own camera, In my own darkroom, and in im sluck at home with a bunch of pollywogs.” ‘my own..."“An excellent specimen ... symbol of beauly, Innocence, and fragile life .. . hand me the jar of ether.” this party’ a drag. But later on, Floyd, ten. Warren, and mysett are going over to Farmer Brown's ‘nd slaughter some chickens.”“We've got the murder weapon twe ‘and the motive . .. now “You meathead! Now watch! ... The rat ‘can just establish time-ot-death.” through the hole, around the tree five or six times ...” ht... The rabbit goes“Honey, the Merrimonts are here ... They'd like 10 “Go for It, Sidney! You've got it! You've got It! Good ‘come down and see your ape-man project.” ‘hands! Dont choke!” “So! You admit that this is, indeed, your banjo the “So then this Ite sallor dude whips out a can of ppolice found at the scene . .. But, you expect this jury spinach, this crazy music storts playin’, and ... well, to believe you were never in the kitchen with Dinah?” just look at this place.”“Say... Look what THEYRE doing.” “Shhhhhhh . .. | wanna“Mom! Dad! . . . The nose fairy left me a whole quarter!”“Sol... Youve been buzzing around he living t room again!” “Al right, Billy, You Just go right ahead! ... Ive warned you enough times about playing under the anvil treet” “walt a that a part about, it only we had some means of climbing di“Say ... Now IM starting to feel kinda warm!" “And another thing . .. | want you fo be more assertive! “Of course, living in an all-glass house has its I'm tited of everyone calling you Alexander the disadvantages . .. but you should soo the birds Pretty-Good!” smack it”“For crying out loud! ... You're ALWAYS hearing ‘something moving around downstairs!” lo, Emily. This is Gladys Murphy up the street. Fine, Late at night, and without permission, Reuben would thanks .... Say, could you go fo your window and ‘offen enter the nursery and conduct experiments in describe what's in my front yard?" static electricity.“Well, for crying out loud... Its Uncle Irwin trom the ily sewer!” "Look! Look, gentlemen! . .. Purple mountains! ‘Spacious skies! Frulied plains! .. . Is someone witing this down? mo ee Now wat just © minute here... How are we supposed To kacw youl the BEAL Angel of Death? "De you know me? | have to deal with lions, wolves, ‘and saberloothed tigers ... That's why | carry one ‘of THESE.”Ke “Now here comes the barbaric finale.” “Listen out there! We're George and Harriet Miller! We just dropped in on tne pigs for coffee! We're coming out! ... We don't want trouble!” Inevitably, their attair ended: Howard worried ‘excessively about what the pack would think, and ‘Agnes simply ate the flowers.“Well, once again, here we are.”“Well, | guess both Warren and the cat are okay .. thank goodness for the Heimlich maneuver!”“The fool! ‘Looks like ai trap | sald. ‘Nonsense,’ you sald. ‘No “would set a trap way out here in the woods” you said” “amold, I's Mr, Wimberly on the phone ... He says the ‘next time you buzz his house, he'll have his“Agcaaaaaal Murray! ... A spider was in my shoe!”Borbara? The you can ht rebuild the for ll Fh even open ihe capes an have a took” “Frys and sine ey ore coming“That was incredible. No fur, claws, horns, antlers, or nothin’ ... Just soft and pink.” “See, Frank? Keep the light in their eyes and you can bag them without any frouble at all.”\ mn \ eh \ {i NNN an aN “Well, | never thought about it before . . . but | suppose I'd let the kic go for about $4.99 a pound.” NY ik " : zB“This is your side of the family, you realize.” “rm sorry, but we haven't any room. sleep in the house.” = Youtll have “Now don't you kids forget ... Stay away trom old Mr. Weatherby’ place.”“Well, here they come .. . You locked the keys inside, “Criminy! ... tt seems like every summer there's more you do the talkin” and more of these things around”“So, then . .. Would that be ‘us the people’ or we the people'?” “Okay, here we go! Remember, wiggle those noses, stuff those cheeks, and act cule — and no smoking, Cari"The rare and timid prairle people “Calm down, Edna... Yes, It's so but it could be some giant, need of heip.” Insect .. “Oh boy... Its dog food AGAINI” “Well, why don’ you come up here and MAKE me turn i down . ..of do you just TALK big, fellah?”“The cape, Larry! Go for the cape!" z xaver|) “What did | say, Alex? ... Every time we Invite the “What a find, Williams! The fossilized footprint of a Zombies over, we all end up just siting around staring, brachiosaurus! ... And a Homo habilus thrown in ‘each other." 10 boot!”—— me get this straight... babysit the kids, and instead you cooked ar “You boys gotta bottie-opener?” “I used fo be somebody .... big executive... my own them BOTH?” IAd then one day someone yelled, ‘Hey! He's just a big cockroacht ‘company... or‘And no one ever heard trom the Anderson brothers again.The embarrassment of “morning face”“Pull out, Betty! Pull out! . You've hit an artery!” -m Zl Chasis gi Me) “This dangerous viper, known or is pecullar abt of “Hall... Okay! Jonnson! Higgins! You both jus esoclously hanging from one’s nose, is vividly swallow what you've got and knock of hese wate! colored: Gol Murray LOOK". Hef's a pleture of i" flats once and for aLRT, toon “Okay, this time Rex and Zeke will be the wolves, “Take another memo, Miss Wilkens . .. | want 10 see all ‘and Muffin will be the coyotes, and ... Listen! ... Here, teptilo personnel in my office first thing comes the deer!” ‘tomorrow moming!”tie ok 2 | uso me, bul the others sent me up here fo ask you “I say fifty, maybe a hundred horses .... What you say, Rot fo roll around so much” Red Eagle?"“And now there go the Wilsons! .. . Seems like ‘everyone's evolving except us!” “And now, Randy, by use of song, the male spar “Let's see... No orange ...no root beer .. . no will stoke out his tenitory. . .an insiinct common in the Fudgsicies ... Well, for crying out loud... Am | out lower animals.” of everything?”‘With Roger out of the way, It was Sidney's big chance.The real reason dinosaurs became extinct."'S00000000000000!"'And,as travel highwa domi forget t and eat the roses,ee | ay ip= Ny ve em “C'mon! Look at these fangs! . . . Look at these claws! . . . You think we're supposed fo eat just honey and berries?”‘exactly what transpired on the night your husband ‘chased you with he Vegomatic.” ae FRG Met Ge LEA ES Sea ie oe oe as oS aaa ae Se Ye SS Thats no petound of notin’ al for me, ihink i gows much more beyond thai“Freeze! ... Okay, now... Who's the brains of “Well, Emily Is out like a light ... Just can’ resist pulling this outfit?” thal lifle stunt of yours, can you, Earl” “1 don" like this... The camivores have been boozing ‘then Shella says fo Betty that Amold fold her what it up at the punchbow! all night — drinking, looking, TY was up 10, but Betty told me she already heard It ‘around, drinking, looking around...” {rom Blanche, don't you know...”“Here he comes, Earl. .. Remember, be gentle but fim +++ We are absolutely, postvely, NOT civing him south is winter.”While Farmer Brown was away, the cows got into the Historic note: Until his life's destiny was further clarified, dichen and were having the time of thelr lives — until Robin Hood spent several years robbing from the rich Betsy's unwiting discovery. ‘and giving to the porcupines.Nchechch-ch-ch-ch.." eececeWAWAMA” “Er-ucke, er-ucka ” ES KEE So ,KEE‘O” "hey, bay- BEE” heybay BEE" ‘Animals and thelr mating songs at the 20's snakehouse, Curator Emie Schwartz has o cumulative atlack of “The white whale The whililite wh ...No, no... My ‘mistake! ... A black whale! A regular ‘biceaaaaack whale!”Trying to calm the herd, Joke himself was suddenly “Do what you will fo me, but Il never talk! ... Never! ‘And, ater me, there'll come others — and others — ‘awestruck by the image of beauty and unbridled fury ‘and others! . .: Ha ha hal” ‘on the cliff above — Pink shadow had retumed.b oa “Look at thal! ... Give me the good old days when a man carried club and had a brain the size of a walnut.”birds, Barnaby . .. Never eat a “Now take them big “Listen . .. You've got to relax . thing . .. Just sit ond stare: ‘about changing colors, the less chance you'll ‘succeed ... Shall we try the green background again?”Night of the Robin “By the way, we're playing cards with the Millers “Now wait a minute .. . He said two jerks means ‘more tonight ... And Edna says if you promise not fo use slack’ and three means ‘come up’ ... bu! he never your X-tay vision, Warren promises not to bring his ‘said nothin’ about one long, sieady pull.” Kryptonite.”“YOU again” “try to relax, ma’ar u say it was dare you were “For twelve perfect years | was a car-chaser. Pontiacs, lone in the house, when suddenly you felt a hand Fords, Chryslers.. . | took them ail on... and reaching from behind and . .. JOHNSON! Knock It off” yestorday my stupid owner backs over me in the driveway.”‘Cow philosophy “Stop the swing! 'm getting sick! Stop the swing! 7 7 ‘Oongowal Congowal “Kids! Kids! ... The slugs are back!” jon't forget, Gorokl ... THIS time punch some holes In the tlaLast of the Mohicans“Well, just look at you, Jimmy! . .. Soaking wet, hair mussed up, shoes untied . . . and take that horrible thing out of your mouth!”“Okay! Now don't move, Andy! Here comes Mom!” “well, here comes Stanley now . . . Good heavens! ‘What's he caught THIS time?”“Blast! Up fo now, the rhino was one of my Barbara... You're the first woman Ive ever prime suspects.” brought here.”“whoa, Frank... Guess what youuuuuuuuu sat in!” “You've got to waich out for them gopher holes, Roger.” “You guys are both witnesses ... He laughed when my ‘marshmallow caught fire.”“And, as you shall soon observe, we are quite proud of “Wouldn’ you know it... And always just betore a our fest tube baby progress.” big date!”“Iwouldn’ do that, mister ... Old Zeek’s llable to fire “Well, good heavens! ... | can't belleve you men... ‘that sucker up.” IVE got some rope!”to but your Henry's over here. + -and he's got my cat treed again.”“You're kidding! ... | was struck twice by lightning too!”“There | was! Asleep in this little cave here, when suddenly | was attacked by this hideous thing with five heads!”When clowns go bad “Auntie Em, Auntie Em! .. . There's no place like home! “Dang! This can't be right ... 1 can HEAR the stage, but “There's no place like home.” can't see a blamed thing!”“Now this end is called the fale Thag sit ‘thagomizer... afer the Jovel immons.” tlephan! Playground!”WARNING veer TEST AREA‘he Portrait of Dorian Gray and his dog “Hey, wail a minute! This is grass! We've been eating grass!” ne fee “Get a hold of yourself... it was only @ movie, for ‘erying out loud!”“Ooo! Ow! Blast It, Phyllis! .. Hury up with them “Hang him, you idiots! Hang him... String-him-up Is. hot pads” @ figure of speechi"“Lcan't stand it... They're so CUTE when they sit like that.”“Fool! This is an elevan-sixteenths . .. tive-eighths!”“Hmmmmm ... Ate the red ants right otf the hill?” “My project's ready for grading, Mr. Big Nose ... Heyl 11m talkin’ to YOU, squidbrain!”“On the other hand, gentlemen, what it we gave @ war ‘and EVERYBODY came?”| £ ss sal wave “Neondothals Neonderhals Cont make tel Cont te “Say... What's. a mountain goat doing way up here in - ‘make spear! Nyah, nyah, nya . ‘a cloud bank?"“Thee wishes? Did | soy three grant “What did I say, Boris? ‘you FOUR wishes.” area These new uniforms Glock!"“Dear Henry: Where were you? We wailed and waited but finally decided that..."“Weil! Wail! Uston to mel... We dont HAVE 10 be “why ....yes..1 thank... yOu...1... would... like Just sheep" @.. . knuckle... . sandwich,”“Say... Walt Just a dang minute, here... We forgot “YOU, Bernie Horowitz? . .. So YOURE the ‘hey’ In ‘that's ‘the cattler” ‘what they say'?”“Charley horse!” "Good heavens, Ronald! ... | think something landed “tm sorry, Margaret, but i's time | spread my wings ‘on the roof!” ‘and said goodbye.”i 1 did it Yes! That's right! The cow! Ha ha hal And I feel great!"Cone “thank God... Those Blasted crickets have finally stopped”“Yes. Will you accept a collect call from “The contact points must be dirty ... just click it up ‘Mr. Asaooaaaea?” ‘and down a few times.”Insect games Humor at Its lowest form “Oh, that's right! You DID have a hat ... | believe you'll, Murray is cought desectating the secret appliance find tt in the other room.” ‘burial grounds.Av Wi 1 i iM ue ah ulFrances loved her litte pets, and dressed them “Blast This cinchas ill... If we ever find it again, differently every day. ‘gonna bolt the sucker ont”Things that live In a drop of water, and some of ‘Suddenly, Professor Liebowitz realizes he has come to ‘hele furniture, ‘the seminar without his duck.“And you call yourself an Indian!” SRN WSN 2 AUN “Anthropologists! Anthropologiss!” stion “Yes, they'e all fools, gentlemen . .. But the que: remains, ‘What KIND of fools are they?”“Gee, Mom! Andy was just showing us how far he ‘could suck his lip Info the bottle!” have a hammer?” ‘ . “Calm down, everyone! I've had experience with this sot of thing before ... Does someone, 4 ,“We better do as he says, Thag .... He's got the drop on us.”eu EMeRenerT) Asie TEST “Mmmmmm ... Nope ... nope ... don't like that at “Well, don’t look at me, idiot! ...1 SAID we ail... Too many legs.” should've flown!”‘Suddenly, amidst all the confusion, Fifi seized the “Curses! . .. How long does it take Igor fo go out and controls and saved the day. bring back a simple lite brain, aBRE KFuUeT 2URV DED ANYTM)“Lunch is ready, Lawrenc STILL a “And | lke honesty in a relationship ....'m not into laying games. “Well, of COURSE I did I! in cold blood, you idiot! 'm a reptile!” Boon “thorel Quick Lom Look! Was | Klding? «That Tonger than‘Comered by the street ducks, Phil wasn't exactly sure “Wonderfull Just wonderfull .. . So much for instilling what to do — and then he remembered his 42-gauge. ‘them with a sense of awe.” pao “Ive had if, Doc! ..'ve come all the way trom “Now, Grog! Throw! .. . rooooooow' ... Throw throw ‘Alabama with this danged thing on my knee!” throw throw throw throw!"“My goodness, Harold .. . Now there goes one big mosquito.”LL, Lita sgl a th We yy “Big one, Thag! . . . We caught biliilig one!”‘Anal As | always suspected! ... | better not You drinking right from the bolle AGA Cart shoves Roger, Roger shoves Carl, and tempers tise.Tarzan of the jungle, Nanook of the North, and Warren of the Wasteland.“Blast! The controls are jammed! .. . We're headed straight for Mr. Sunt” 3. Now this is from fast summer, when Helen and | “You call that mowin’ the lawn? . went to hell and back” biscult!. .. Bad dog!”“I guess he made It... i's been more than a week ‘since he went over the wall.” te FS as OR na" y A “There goes Willlams again... trying to win support for his Life Bang theory.”“Wall! Spare met... Ive got a wife, c home, and over ‘a thousand eggs laid in the jelly!” Darrell suspected someone had once again slipped him a spoon with the concave side reversed. ‘On Oct. 23, 1927, three days offer its invention, the first rubber band is tested,i KEEP OUT RADIOACTIVE AREA "Saacoaay ....| think | smell PERFUME! . .. Have you been over at the Leopard Woman's again?” ==] “Well, ll be darned . .. | guess he does have a license ‘0 do that.” “Wait a minute here, Mr. Crumbley .. . Moybe it isn kidney stones ater al”\ “Well, when it's my turn, | just hope | go quietly . .. Without a lo! of running around.”Water buffaloes‘Most peculiar, Sidney... another scattering of cub “For heaven's sake, Elroy! .. . NOW look where the scout attire.” earth isl... Move over and let me drivel” “Oh my gosh, Andrew! Don't eat those! ... Those are “Aaaaaaal .. . No, Zooky! Grok et Bok! ... POISON arrows!” ‘Shooshi Shoosht ...”“Thank goodness you're here, Doctort ...| came in this “Oh, hey! Fantastic porty, Tricksy! Fantastic moming and found Billy just all scribbled like this!” ‘you mind telling mo which way to the yard?" “That's fine,’ | sald, ‘Good nose,’ sald. But no, you “Dang! ... Who ate the middie out of the had to go and hi the chisel one more time." ‘daddy longlegs?”fou ing won “And the murderer is... THE BUTLES thelr confidence, lomorrow I shall fest the humor of who, I'm convinced, frst gored the Colonel to death these giant but gentle primates with a simple joy- before trampling him to smithereens.” ‘buzzer handshake!”“That time was just too close, George! ... Jimmy wos headed straight for the snakeplt when | grabbed him!” “Ive had it! This time I've really had it... Jump the fence again, will he? .. . Dang!” “So, Professor Jenkins! .. . My old nemesis! ... We meet ‘again, but this time the advantage Is mine! Hal Hal Hal” Id It right there, Chari you les! ... Not on our first date, dont"“My word, Walter! ... Sounded like a good-size bird iit the window.”“Let's see . .. | guess your brother's coming over 100 ... Beller give it one more shake.”Primitive Man leaves the trees. “fm not warning you again, Sparky! ... You chew with ‘your mouth OPEN!”“Well, well... Looks lke it's time for the old “Well, don’t bring the fitthy things In here, you luggage test” imbecile! ... Take ‘em down to the lake!”“The simple line drawings —doodles, i almost —get his point across, hooking deeply into the psyches of the susceptible. The natural order of things goes seriously awry, Dee el ae SS cy “The most zany sensibility since B. Kliban.” See Tad | “The Woody Alfen of cartoonists.” + See Roe boar Cee Meco Bcc sia ances =e Ecole ead eres