55

Creative Approaches
For Challenging & Resistant
Children & Adolescents
TECHNIQUES • ACTIVITIES • WORKSHEETS
Susan P. Epstein, LCSW
Copyright © 2014 by Susan Epstein, LCSW
Published by
PESI Publishing & Media
PESI, Inc
3839 White Ave
Eau Claire, WI 54703
Cover Design: Amy Rubenzer
Layout Design: Bookmasters
Edited by: Marietta Whittlesey
Printed in the United States of America
ISBN: 978-1-937661-27-4
All rights reserved.
Thank you to my husband, Michael, for your belief in me and support; to my
parents, Naomi and Nathan Paulson, the most amazing role models a girl
could ask for; and my children, Sarah and Daniel Rosenkrantz, the guinea
pigs of my parenting experiments.
 Table of Contents

About the Author

Introduction: A Letter to Parents and Caregivers
Section I
Quick Tips for Rules and Boundaries
A Boat without a Rudder
Walls: Creating Rules that Make Sense
Take the Gentle Path
Best Friend, Archenemy? What Type of Parent Are You?
I Want to Stop Nagging
When to Say Yes and When to Say No
Ways Parents, Teachers, and Professionals Can Support Children’s Self-
Regulation
Section II
Quick Tips for Bonding and Connecting
What Kids and Cucumbers Have in Common
Strengthening the Parent–Child Bond
Who’s Got Your Back?
Creating Memories for Life
Look at Me!
Section III
Quick Tips for Problem Solving and Teachable Moments
Miss-Takes! New Takes
Outer Space—Seeing the Big Picture
What Would the Lamp Say?
Random Act of Kindness Wall
Section IV
Quick Tips for Encouraging Calm, Respect, and Mindfulness
Meta-view
Great Job! Breaking away from Negativity
“Pleasssse, You Promised!” The Art of Blocking and Affirming
Choice: Getting What I Really Want
Section V
Quick Tips for Self- Regulation
Sometimes We Lose it
A Watched Pot Never Boils!
Calming Cards
The Feeling GPS, Part 1
The Feeling GPS, Part 2: Let’s Drive to CALM
Rag Doll
Let’s Go to the Moon!
FIRST and THEN Board
My Happy Dance!
Now You See It, Now You Do It
Up, Up, and Away
Tommy the Tiger: Narrative Story Telling
Section VI
Quick Tips for Successful and Responsible Children
You Are Your Child’s Favorite Toy
I Am
What Is Your Word?
Positive Attribute List
A Perfect Day!
Tweet Power
Dear Best Friend (Responsible One)
Creating Greatness
The Dog Ate My Homework: Excuses versus Reasons
Time, Time, Time
Section VII
Quick Tips for Engaging Kids in School and Learning
When Our Teens Don’t Get Us and We Don’t Get Them … and What to Do
about It
Engaging Kids
The Most Amazing School Year
“I Hate Homework!”
My Special Project
My Own Report Card
The ME Poster
“Getting Unstuck” Cards
Section VIII
Quick Tips for a Happy, Healthy Home
One Perfect Moment
Obesity and Depression: The New Childhood Disease
Time Away from the Kids
Messy Home, Messy Mind
Pay the Jar
Electronics Cost Money
Rainy Day Tool Kit (Expressive Arts for Creative Minds)
The Creative Brain
Does Your Life Have Rhythm?
Free Time? What’s That? Taking Care of You

Splish, Splash: Seizing Opportunities of Joy and Connection
References/Resources
 About the Author

For more than 30 years, Susan Epstein has been a Licensed Clinical Social
Worker, author, trainer, educator, and presenter. This is her second book with
PESI Publishing and Media. Susan has also written and published four
parenting books:
The Take Back Your Parenting Powers System, Are You Tired of Nagging?
How to Get Cooperative Kids, Your Out-Of-Control Teen, and The Little Book
With A Lot of Attitude: A Guide to Parent- Teen Communication. Susan also
co-authored a children’s book about death, loss, and healing titled The Cat
Who Lost Its Meow.
She founded Parenting Powers in 2007 (www.ParentingPowers.com), a
parent-coaching company that provides coaching, tele-classes, and in-home
parent-coaching programs. In 2009, Susan partnered with Dr. Wayne Scott
Andersen (NY Times Best Selling Author), leader and visionary with a goal
to eradicate obesity in America. Susan is a Certified Health Coach through the
Villanova University College of Nursing. She coaches clients, and trains and
mentors health coaches all over the U.S. In 2013, Susan created and launched
a virtual group coaching/supervision program for professionals working with
challenging kids. Susan has been quoted as an expert in Family Circle,
Parents Magazine, American Baby Magazine, and New York Magazine, along
with regular radio and television appearances.
 Introduction
A Letter to Parents and Caregivers

Agatha Christie once said, “I like living. I have sometimes been wildly,
despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still
know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”
This quote reminds me of what it is like parenting on the rough days, the days
when the kids don’t listen, when your son or daughter is suspended from
school, or when you find something you wish you hadn’t found in your kid’s
room. These days are heart-wrenching, and they test us as parents.
How much patience do we have? How much grief and hardship must we
endure? But even on the very worst days, we wouldn’t trade our kids in or
throw in the towel. We regroup and muster our strength; we are not sure how
we do it, but we get up the next day determined to once again be the best
parents we know how to be.
We do it, because we know that they need us. We do it because we are their
best teachers. We do it because we love them and want them to grow up into
good, productive, loving adults, who will do the same for their kids.
If you are like most parents, however, sometimes, you just don’t know what
to do or how to handle a given situation. If your child has been suspended
from school, does that mean that you should also have a consequence at
home, and if so, what should it be? How much? How harsh?
Remember, you are your child’s best teacher. So when you do
consequence, don’t do it out of anger. Make it a teaching moment. Make it
meaningful. Make it something your child will always remember.
Section I
Quick Tips for Rules and
Boundaries
 A Boat without a Rudder

Many parents and caregivers feel that they can never do enough to please
their kids. The more they give, the more their kids beg for more.

As humans, we want to be “liked.” We feel uncomfortable when someone is

angry with us or gives us the cold shoulder. We will do anything to not be
distanced from or in conflict with others. The problem with this and parenting
is that it gets messy. The children’s whining and complaining get to us and
wears us down. Then we give in and let them have their way. Once you’ve
fallen into this pattern, it’s difficult to find your way out because, in an effort
to get his or her way and to maintain the power, your child becomes even
angrier than the last time.
When children become teens, it may seem as if they are closer to their friends
than to their own family members, and this can feel hurtful. Remember, you
want to be liked, and now they act as if they hate you! Some parents feel that
they have to bend over backward to get any attention or to connect with their
own kid.
This is where we as parents get into trouble. When parents want kids to like
them, they might say yes when they really need to say no, or they might
overlook it when they say, “Whatever,” or roll their eyes. In an effort not to
fight or make waves, parents give in over and over again. Remember the old
saying “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a yard”?
The real truth is that even if it seems that they are disconnecting from you and
the family, children need boundaries and rules and want you to provide
structure and set limits. Kids need direction, and if adults don’t provide that,
children are like boats without a rudders at sea.
Being a good parent can hurt or feel uncomfortable, but having your kid get in
trouble in school or in the community hurts more.
 Walls: Creating Rules that Make
Sense

Before I built a wall I’d ask to know what I was walling in or walling out.
– Robert Frost

PURPOSE
To define rules that are logical and reasonable and that provide a teachable
moment, use the following questions to clarify the rules you currently have.

Common Questions and Complaints about Kids

Why won’t my kids listen?
_________________________________________
Why do they break my rules?
_________________________________________
Why are they so disrespectful?
_________________________________________
Why are they so angry?
_________________________________________

Questions to Ask Instead

What are you asking them to do that they are not listening?
_________________________________________
What is the purpose of the rules you have created?
_________________________________________
How do you deal with disrespect?
_________________________________________
Why are you so angry?
_________________________________________
 WORKSHEET: BEFORE I BUILD A WALL

If you have a rule, know why and if you are looking for a place start;
develop these rules under these categories:
Ensuring Safety
1. (Example) “No texting while driving.”
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
Teaching Manners
1. (Example) “When you want something use the word please.”
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
Teaching Consideration
1. (Example) “Call me if you are going to be past your curfew.”
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
 Take the Gentle Path

PURPOSE
To help parents and caregivers learn how to take the gentle path. By doing so,
you will be able to avoid power struggles and the guilt and regret that often
follows.

How to Do It Differently
Power struggles—we’ve all been in them, we’ve started them, and we’ve
been sucked into them; then something so simple becomes a tornado, and it’s
hard to even remember how we got there.

If you find yourself being pulled into a power struggle with your child,
take a deep breath and start a robotic delivery of your expectations:
You will not talk to me that way.
or
It’s okay if you don’t finish dinner, but the kitchen is closed till 7 tomorrow
morning. Your choice.” (And stick with it by repeating this sentence until
your kid stops fighting with you.)
Remember, don’t let the child see you upset and out of control. Stay calm and
take the gentle path.
In session with parents/caregivers, go through the worksheet on page 8,
“Understanding Power Struggles,” to identify what triggers are causing
battles at home. Take this one step further to problem-solve each of the areas.
 WORKSHEET: UNDERSTANDING POWER STRUGGLES

Let’s look at your current situation. Answer the following questions

about power struggles you’ve been a part of.

Questions
1. What power struggles do you have?
_________________________________________
2. What time of day do these power struggles happen?
_________________________________________
3. Who is involved?
_________________________________________
4. Are the power struggles around things you want your child to do or
around things you want your child to stop doing?
_________________________________________
5. How important is it that one of you wins?
_________________________________________
6. How do you feel at the end of the struggle?
_________________________________________
 Best Friend, Archenemy? What
Type of Parent Are You?

PURPOSE
To learn about your parenting style and to offer an opportunity to have a
closer, more rewarding relationship with your children and adolescents.
If you are having trouble with your kids or are trying to co-parent and it isn’t
working well, the style of parenting you are using may be why. Take the
following Parent Quiz.
Parent Quiz
Rate the following on a scale of 1 to 3 as to whether it represents your style of
parenting:
1. All the time
2. Sometimes
3. Never
“My child is my best friend! All his or her friends love me because I
really understand them. They love coming over here because I give
them a lot of freedom and space.” (However, sometimes I wonder if I
am too lenient and too permissive.)
Parents are usually fearful of their kids. They are afraid to say no because
their child won’t like them.__________
“My child is my ‘archenemy.’ He or she says that he or she hates me and
that I don’t get him or her, and he or she is either in his or her room or
at a friend’s house. I don’t know anything about his or her life.” (Am I
too hard on my child? He or she is always in trouble with us, and we
are all miserable.)
Archenemy parents are very strict and often over punish and over
consequence. They are afraid that their child will grow up and be a
 really, really bad person._____
The thing that both of these types of parents have in common is guilt.
Try the following to gain a balanced relationship with your child:
• Forget about being best friends with your child, but do get to know their
friends and the parents of their friends.
• Do let your son or daughter have friends over. Give your child space,
but be around and aware. Have a set of rules of which you both are
aware. Make the consequences for failing to obey these rules available.
• Draw up a contract/agreement of what is expected and what will result
if the contract is broken.
• Hold your child accountable for respectful behavior, and correct every
time him or her when you notice.
• Remain interested in your child’s life, but let him or her have a life—
don’t smother him or her.
And aim for this:
For the most part, I know what is going on in my kid’s life. I know most of
his or her friends, and my kid respects most of my rules most of the time.
 I Want to Stop Nagging

PURPOSE
To help you identify how “nagging” isn’t helping your child or children
cooperate and to lay the foundation for the introduction of motivation,
systems, and games to engage kids to cooperate.
List the things you want to have your child or children to do (e.g., pick up
toys, go to bed without a fuss, chores). Remember, this is not a list of the
things you want your child to stop doing. A great way to compile this list is to
keep it with you during the week, and every time you ask your child to do
something and it doesn’t get done, or you have to remind him or her, or you
feel like screaming, add that item to this list.
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
6. _________________________________________
7. _________________________________________
8. _________________________________________
9. _________________________________________
10. _________________________________________
 When to Say Yes and When to Say
No

PURPOSE
To help you clarify why you respond in a certain way to children and
adolescents.
When kids ask permission to do something, whether it’s to stay up late, play
one more game or not participate in family life; sometimes, adults don’t think
through their responses setting them up for tantrums, meltdowns and chaos.
Use the following to identify situation in which you may not have thought
through situations before saying yes or no. For example,
By saying “YES” to staying up past bedtime, I am saying “NO” to a
smooth, calm morning.
By saying “NO” to my teen being unsupervised after school, I am saying
“YES” to ensuring that my teen won’t make risky and unsafe choices.

Saying “YES” … Saying “NO”

1. By saying “YES” to ___________________________,
I am saying “NO” to ___________________________.
2. By saying “YES” to ___________________________,
I am saying “NO” to ___________________________.
3. By saying “YES” to ___________________________,
I am saying “NO” to ___________________________.
4. By saying “YES” to ___________________________,
I am saying “NO” to ___________________________.
5. By saying “YES” to ___________________________,
 I am saying “NO” to ___________________________.

Saying “NO” … Saying “YES”

1. By saying “NO” to ____________________________,
I am saying “YES” to __________________________.
2. By saying “NO” to ____________________________,
I am saying “YES” to __________________________.
3. By saying “NO” to ____________________________,
I am saying “YES” to __________________________.
4. By saying “NO” to ____________________________,
I am saying “YES” to __________________________.
5. By saying “NO” to ____________________________,
I am saying “YES” to __________________________.
 Ways Parents, Teachers, and
Professionals Can Support
Children’s Self-Regulation

PURPOSE
In order for a positive change to occur, children need reinforcement in all
their environments (especially school and home). Therapists can assist in the
process by sharing these supportive questions and statements.

Prompts
• You seem upset. Would you like your Cool Down Kit?
• Do you think using the Breathing Square would help you calm down?
• Would you like your cue cards for Stop, Breathe, Reflect & Choose?
• Would you like to play a game or read a book during your free time?
• Remember that if you finish your math problems, you’ll be able to go
outside for recess with other kids.

Reinforcing
• I love the way you are sitting still and eating your dinner.
• That was so nice of you to help your sister with her homework.
• I am so proud of the way you behaved in the supermarket.
• Wow! You stayed in your bed for 30 minutes without getting up!
• Thank you so much for saying “please.”
Section II
Quick Tips for Bonding and
Connecting
 What Kids and Cucumbers Have
in Common

A few years ago, I planted a vegetable garden with lettuce, pole beans,
tomatoes, cucumbers, and herbs. Every day I went outside to check it. For
weeks very little happened. Then one morning I went out to check again. I
couldn’t believe my eyes! The tomatoes were three times larger than they
were the day before, the lettuce had doubled in size, and the cucumbers had
these really cool shoots coming out of them that had actually attached to the
fencing and had wrapped around it several times to hold on. My garden had
exploded with activity, and it seemed to have happened overnight.
The magic in my garden made me think about my own kids. They used to
be little and then one day and I can’t tell you when; like the shoots of the
cucumbers, they were taller than me, were independent, had parts of their
lives that didn’t include me and then transformed into grown-ups.
The minutes, hours, days, months, and years flew by in a flash. I have photos
documenting that the time spent together actually happened. I remember some
of it in bits and pieces, and then some of it is a complete blur.
Looking back, I know that I had spent time looking in their eyes, talking to
them, and creating memories every chance I could. What I have today is a
wonderful, close relationship with both of them.
You’ve heard it over and over: “Enjoy them now because when you least
expect it, in a blink of an eye, they’ll be adults and on their own.”
Start by looking into your kids eyes five times a day. Don’t take your eyes off
them. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see the magic happening right in front of
you.
 Strengthening the Parent–Child
Bond

PURPOSE
To assist parents/caregivers in family therapy with bonding with their kids no
matter what age
Fill out the following worksheet with the client to help them develop and
strengthen their bond with their child.
1. I Love You
Tell your child daily that you love him or her—no matter his or her age. Even
on trying days or after a parent–child disagreement, when you don’t exactly
“like” your child at that moment, it is more important than ever to express
your love. A simple “I love you” goes a long way toward developing and then
strengthening a relationship.
These are the times of day I will tell my child I love them (e.g., before he or
she leaves for school, when he or she comes home, and before bed):
______________________________________
2. Teach Your Values and Beliefs
Tell your child what you believe and why. Allow time for your child to ask
questions and answer them honestly. Reinforce these teachings often.
The following are my basic values and beliefs:
______________________________________
3. Create a Special Name Or Code Word
Create a special name for your child or a secret code word with your child
that is positive and special that you can use between each other. Use this name
as a simple reinforcement of your love. The code word can be established to
have special meaning between your child and you that only you two
understand.
Our secret code word is ______________________________________
4. A Special Bedtime Ritual
For younger children, reading a favorite bedtime book or telling stories is a
ritual that will be remembered most likely throughout their life. It’s key to
have a ritual with teens, too!
Our bedtime ritual is ______________________________________
5. Let Your Children Help You
Parents sometimes inadvertently miss out on opportunities to forge closer
relationships by not allowing their child to help them with various tasks and
chores. Be prepared if they say no. Not the same as the nonnegotiable chore
that’s been assigned to them.
I ask my children to help me with the following
______________________________________.
6. Play with Your Child
The key is to really play with your child. You really are your child’s favorite
toy! Ask him or her, “Can I play with you?” “Want to play a video game?” or
“Want to play a game of Uno?”
I will ask my child to play with me during these times of the day
______________________________________
7. Eat Meals as a Family
Families who eat together have better relationships. It gives you a forum for
conversation. Be careful to be positive at dinner time. It’s not the time for
discipline
Our family will eat the following meals together:
______________________________________
8. Seek Out One-On-One Opportunities Often
Make time to spend one-on-one time with your child; if you have more than
one child, allot time to spend with each. Even if it’s just for 30 minutes, it
counts. You could do an outing two times a month with just one of your
children.
I will spend one on one time with each of my children in this way:
______________________________________
9. Respect Your Child’s Choices
Let your child dress him- or herself, and let your child be creative with his or
her hairstyle and choices of colors as long as it is appropriate. It does not
reflect on you if your child is wearing plaid and stripes. In fact, you might be
raising a creative designer!
I will respect my child in the following ways:
______________________________________
10. Make Them Number One
Even when your life is stressed out make sure that you do steps 1 through 9.
You are creating memories with your child, and who doesn’t want to look
back on his or her childhood and know how loved and important he or she
was to his or her parents?
_________________________________________
 Who’s Got Your Back?

Are you upset, little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don’t
worry … I’m here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun
will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.
– Charlie Brown to Snoopy

PURPOSE
Use this with adolescents to help them identify the people who support them
in their lives.
Who has your back? Who will be there for you? If you don’t have a support
system, feeling all alone can be very overwhelming.
Having a support system is especially important if you are creating change in
your life. Making a commitment to improve is a giant step. Most of us have
the best intentions, start out full force, and then kaput! It’s over and done, and
we feel like a failure. The reason? Lack of support. One of the most important
discoveries I have made in the past 10 years is that Support = Success. Every
endeavor I have made in business or in my personal life has been filled with
supportive friends, mentors, and the people who love me and I love back.
Use the worksheet “Who’s Got Your Back?” with teens in the session to assist
them in identifying their current support system, and then brainstorm
additional people they can add to their support system.
 WORKSHEET: WHO’S GOT YOUR BACK?

Make of a list of the people in your life who you can count on. If you
come up short, make another list of potential new people to cultivate
relationships with. Then reach out and connect.

People who support me:

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________

People who potentially would support me:

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
 Creating Memories for Life

PURPOSE
Create rituals and structure that provide children and adolescents positive
childhood memories; this can be presented in family therapy sessions

MATERIALS
Timer, Creating Memories worksheet, pens

Any time is a great time to put into place family rituals, things that you do
over and over again. It could be that you eat outdoors or that you take a walk
together after dinner. It might be that you go camping or take some type of
family vacation together or visit relatives. It doesn’t matter what you do or if
it costs money or is free—what matters most is the time together. This is fairly
easy to make happen with some children, but how do you entice children with
special needs and ’tweens and teens to participate in family time?
During your family meeting brainstorm things that your child want to do and
enjoy doing. Challenge him or her to come up with at least twenty-five ideas.
You can even use a timer to make it fun. Let your child know that some
activities can cost but that you want him or her to think of as many ideas as
possible that are free. You can give ideas, such as playing a game on Friday
nights after dinner or making a home movie with your phone.
As you brainstorm with your child, be conscious of his or her developmental
stage. This is meant to be fun and not a setup for you and your child to
become frustrated or to have a meltdown. If his or her behavior gets out of
control, make an effort to correct and teach rather than punish or send the
child out of the room.
Here are a few suggestions to get your creative juices flowing:
• Set the table with a cloth and your best dishes once a week and make a
certain element of the meal the same (favorite dessert, special meal,
 etc.).
• During summer, once a week take a picnic to the park or beach for
dinner.
• During winter, set one night a week aside as family movie night.
• On Sunday mornings, sleep a bit later and have brunch together.
• Take pictures of the table set, the picnic, all the activities that you do
together.
Do these same activities over and over again year in and year out, and you
have created wonderful family memories for you and your kids.
Use the following worksheet on page 27, “Creating Memories,” with
parents/caregivers or the entire family during a session. Then ask them to pick
two or three to implement during the following week.
 WORKSHEET: CREATING MEMORIES

Summer Memories: Fun Things to Do as a Family

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________

Family Night Memories (Games, Favorite Foods, Movies)

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________

Dinnertime Memories (Cooking Together, Candlelight on

the Table (if safe!), Sunday Dinner)
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________

Other Memories to Create

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
 Look at Me!

PURPOSE
To increase eye contact in children with Opposition Defiant Disorder,
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and/or Autism Spectrum Disorder.

MATERIALS
Timer, stickers, paper, pen
Tell the child or adolescent that you are going to play the staring game. After
each exercise, log his or her responses on the following worksheet on page
30.
1. Set the timer and see who can stare the longest (most people can’t stare
beyond 5 seconds). Stop and ask, “What was that like?” Have the child
record his or her comfort level on the worksheet.
2. Place a small sticker between your eyes and ask the child to look at
that. Stop and ask, “What was that like?” Have the child record his or
her comfort level on the worksheet.
3. Next, try the triangle approach: Look at one eye for 5 seconds, the
second eye for 5 seconds, and the mouth for 5 seconds. Stop and ask:
“What was that like?” Have the child record his or her comfort level on
the worksheet.
 WORKSHEET: LOOK AT ME

On a scale of 1 to 3, indicate your level of comfort:

1. Okay
2. Uncomfortable
3. Very Uncomfortable

Exercise 1
Exercise 2
Exercise 3
Exercise 4
Exercise 5
Exercise 6
Exercise 7
Exercise 8
Exercise 9
Exercise 10

Exercise 1
Exercise 2
Exercise 3
Exercise 4
Exercise 5
Exercise 6
Exercise 7
Exercise 8
Exercise 9
Exercise 10

Continuing practicing!
Section III
Quick Tips for Problem Solving
and Teachable Moments
 Miss-Takes! New Takes!

PURPOSE
Mistakes are a part of life, and teaching children to handle them in positive
ways encourages children to take personal responsibility and promotes
learning.
Think of a mistake as a miss-take! You interpreted the situation incorrectly,
and you made a choice to do something or behave in a certain way. Using the
following three steps, work with children to make their miss-takes into new
takes.
New Takes!
1. See it—“I made a mistake.”
2. Say it—“I’m sorry.”
3. Solve it—“Let’s work on a solution together.”
The first two steps—“See it” and “Say it”—encourage mindfulness and
connection. The third step teaches learning through making a mistake and
focuses on the teachable moment rather than the typical “shaming.” It is
crucial to go through all three in this order for the teachable moment and to
lock in the learning.
 Outer Space—Seeing the Big
Picture

PURPOSE
To encourage children to pull back and see their problems from the meta-view
rather than being caught up in the small stuff. This is especially helpful for
kids with obsessive compulsive disorder.

Tell the child that you are going on a trip into outer space. Ask him or her to
close his or her eyes and read the following script:
Please fasten your seatbelt and get ready for the trip. In a few moments we
are going to take off and travel way into outer space. OK, here we go, get
ready—blast off!
We are traveling fast. As you look out your window you can see your house,
now your street, now your city, and now the outline of your state. Now you
can see water and the coastline. We just broke through the clouds and now
through the Milky Way Galaxy.
Let’s float here for a while and look at all the pretty stars and looking down
there is planet Earth. Take out your special binoculars and see us in this
room. We are going to look at your problem from way up here.
What do you notice? How tiny are you? Me? The universe is so big. Let’s talk
about your problem from up here. What can you tell yourself about your
problem when viewing it at this distance?
 What Would the Lamp Say?

PURPOSE
To elicit a different perspective from a teen to aid in problem solving. Note
that this activity is recommended for children 12 years old and older.

Use this activity when you, as a therapist, have worked with teen on coping
strategies to help improve the situation but nothing seems to be working and
the teen is becoming more frustrated.
For example, when a teen says, “I have no friends,” try this:
1. Ask the teen to look around the room and name at least 10 objects such as a
lamp, desk, book, mug, calendar, and so on.
2. The therapist should write these down on the worksheet as the teen dictates
(see following page).
3. Now ask the teen to share what each of these objects would say about the
problem or issue. It has to be from the perspective of that object using
metaphor. If the teen has difficulty understanding the concept offer a few
examples to model the exercise; for example,

The lamp says, “We have to shed more light on the problem.”
The book says, “We need more information, keep looking deeper.”
 The calendar says, “Let’s look at how long you’ve had this problem.”
Use these prompts in the worksheet on page 38 to create more conversation
and dig deeper into solving the problem.
 WORKSHEET: WHAT WOULD THE LAMP SAY?

List the objects in the room and what they would say about the problem:
1.
_________________________________________
The __________ says, ________________________
2.
_________________________________________
The __________ says, ________________________
3.
_________________________________________
The __________ says, ________________________
4.
_________________________________________
The __________ says, ________________________
5.
_________________________________________
The __________ says, ________________________
 Random Act of Kindness Wall

PURPOSE
To encourage empathy, compassion, and good deeds in a group setting

MATERIALS
A space on a wall or big bulletin board; pens, pencils, and/or markers; paper
cutouts of happy face or doves (see following page); and push pins and/or
tape

Tell the children that whenever they notice someone in the family or in the
group doing something for another person or being kind, they are to take one
of the cutouts and write the other person’s name on it and the nice deed they
did. For example, Susie helped Sarah pick up her backpack when it fell off
the chair.
Then tape or pin the cutout to the Kindness Wall for all to see.
Have a Random Acts of Kindness Week or Month and challenge the kids
to see how many cutouts they can put on the wall. At the end of the event,
celebrate by reading all the cutouts aloud and have a little party with surprises
and treats to celebrate all the kindness in your home or classroom.
By focusing children’s attention on the type of behavior you want from them,
you will notice a decrease in the type of behavior you want less of !
Make 5 to 10 copies of the worksheet on the following page, and then let the
child cut out the images for the Random Acts of Kindness board.
 WORKSHEET: RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

Copy these pictures onto cardstock or heavy-weight paper and let the
kids cut them out.
Section IV
Quick Tips for Encouraging
Calm, Respect, and Mindfulness
 Meta-View

Although my kids are grown, they are still my “kids.” When we get together,
it’s funny how I see some of the same behaviors, traits, and interactions that
were present when they were children. I am watching this all from a meta-
view and super conscious of my triggers and reactions. I am continually
reminded of my own part in our relationship and that they are people in their
own right with their own lives. About children, Kahil Gibran wrote in his
book, The Prophet, “They come from you but they are not you.”
When children are frustrated, shutdown, angry, or disrespectful, try this:
• Listen to children.
• Watch for your triggers when they say or do something.
• Correct with love and guidance.
• Treat the children with the respect that you would like from them.
 Great Job! Breaking away from
Negativity

PURPOSE
To encourage empathy and compassion in children and adolescents; this
activity can be practiced with parents during family therapy sessions.

Children are often awarded negative attention: getting scolded for doing
things they shouldn’t be doing. This often backfires and turns into huge
battles of the will. The following are examples:

“Stop hitting your brother!
“You are so rude!”
“Learn some manners!”
Instead of correcting through lecturing, start by noticing and
complimenting kids whenever they do something right or comply with your
request. The following is an example:

Mom: “Mary, please turn off the TV now and come to dinner.”
Mary: “Okay, Mom.” Mary turns off the TV and goes to dinner table.
Mom: “Thank you, Mary. I really love when you listen to me the first
time. Great job!”
Second, take notice whenever your child does a chore or something else
required of him or her:
Teacher: “Josh, you’ve been able to sit still today and complete your math
problems. Great job!
 “Pleasssse, You Promised!” The
Art of Blocking and Affirming

PURPOSE
To reduce conflicts and power struggles struggles between parents and kids
and teachers and students

We often knee-jerk react to our kids’ negative behaviors and within a split
second our homes and classrooms turn into a battleground. An hour later, we
are kicking ourselves, wondering why we didn’t act calmly and use our robot
voices.
Every parent/caregiver wants to make sure his or her kid gets it—whatever
the “it” of the day is. Here are some common ways adults try to get their point
across:
• Explaining the same thing again and again: “No, you can’t have a
cell phone. You are not old enough, and it’s too much money, and
you’ll probably lose it … blah … blah … blah …”
• Lecturing: “Don’t keep asking me for the cell phone. I told you the
reasons why. You are getting on my nerves, and I need some peace and
quiet around here.”
• Questioning: “How many times have I told you no about the cell
phone? I’m not discussing it anymore. How come you don’t get no
when I say no?”
• Negotiating: “Maybe if you are good all weekend, I’ll think about it.”
• Yelling: “I told you not to bring that up again!”
• Ignoring: Shutting down and not speaking to the child.
• Sending away: “Go to your room!”
Kids know what our automatic responses will be, and they are overly
prepared for the comeback:
• Begging: “Pleeeeeease!”
• Challenging: “You promised!”
• Crying: “Everyone else has one.”
• Tuning out: “La,da, La,da”
• Guilt: “I hate you! You are mean!”
The following are approaches that work for affirming:
• Robotic approaches: Repeat, “This is not up for discussion,” calmly
until your child stops.
• Listen and affirm: “I know that this is important to you, but the
answer is no.”
• Follow: If your child walks away, follow him or her, get him or her to
look at you, and then say, “Do not walk away from me. It is
disrespectful.”
• Don’t send away and don’t leave: Stick it out. Your sending a child
away or your leaving feels like rejection and banishment to a kid. Stay
with your child like Velcro until he or she stops.
It does take a bit of energy up front to put on the calm face. But in the long
run, you will save energy and will avoid power struggles, tantrums,
meltdowns, and slammed doors.
 Choice: Getting What I Really
Want

PURPOSE
To help children make choices that give them the outcome that they truly
want
The following is a script uses a boy who regularly hits his brother and is sent
to his room as an example of how the process works. Use this to encourage
children to see how their behavior sometimes gets them the complete opposite
of what they want. Offer the child help in getting what he or she wants by
problem solving and brainstorming ways that don’t result in negative
behaviors and in consequences that he or she doesn’t like or want.

Therapist: “Do you like being sent to your room?”
Child: “No!”
Therapist: “If you didn’t hit your brother, would you be sent to your
room?”
Child: “Nope.”
Therapist: “Why do you hit your brother?”
Child: “I want him to play with me.”
Therapist: “When you hit your brother, does he play with you?
Child: “No, I get in trouble.”
Therapist: “Right and you get sent to your room.”
Child: “Yes.”
Therapist: “Would you like me to help you get to play with your brother
and not get sent to your room?”
 Child: “Yes!”
Use the worksheet “Choices: Getting What I Want” on page 50 with the child
to help him/her understand how their choices affect the outcome of what
happens.
 WORKSHEET: CHOICES: GETTING WHAT I WANT

The negative behavior was

_________________________________________
The outcome of the behavior was
_________________________________________
Is the child happy with the result?
_________________________________________
What did the child want before exhibiting the negative behavior?
_________________________________________
Section V
Quick Tips for Self-Regulation
 Sometimes We Lose It

Over the years I’ve worked with many parents and teachers who come to me
with a child or a teen who is out of control. The first meeting is usually like
this: “My child doesn’t listen,” “My child has tantrums,” “My child is
disrespectful,” “My child hit me,” and so on.
I ask them about their communication style. “Well, I interrupt my child. I
scream and yell. Sometimes I say things I regret; sometimes I lose it.” I’ll
admit that staying in your robot is hard work. Adults have many emotional
hot buttons that when pushed, can drive them nuts, and they are calling at us,
coaxing us, to scream, yell, cry and stamp our own feet.
Some kids are difficult most of the time, and it takes lots of patience not to
lose your cool. Other kids are fine most of the time, and then boom—like a
time bomb, they explode and stop cooperating. Why, why, why, can’t they
just behave?
Here’s why: They are little humans. They have good days and bad days
just like us. When was the last time that you didn’t get frustrated at work, or
while being on hold with the insurance company, or while waiting all day for
the delivery that never comes, or while waiting by the side of the road for
assistance when your vehicle has broken down?
As adults, for the most part, we have learned to modulate our emotions and
keep them in check. We have learned not to kick the police officer and scream
at the nice tech person we’ve been on the phone with for two hours while our
computer continues to crash.
Sometimes, we even procrastinate, put things off, get distracted—we skip
washing our faces or brushing our teeth before we go to bed, stay up too late,
and break the rules. Sometimes—yes, it’s true—we have temper tantrums
right in front of our kids!
So the next time your child

 • talks back;
• whines;
• begs;
• hits or kicks;
• spits or bites;
• throws a tantrum;
• swears;
• threatens to leave, run away, or live with another parent/caregiver;
• ignores you or walks away;
• throws or breaks things;
• intimidates you;
• becomes melodramatic;
• tries to guilt trip you; and/or
• leaves you out of the loop,
remember that it is your job to teach him or her how to act, how to emote, and
how to get his or her needs met. If you are patient and loving and
understanding, your child will get it. If you melt down while they are, they
will become confused.
 A Watched Pot Never Boils!

PURPOSE
To help children monitor and identify feelings; this activity can be used in
individual and family therapy.
Discuss how feelings can be mild and intense. Use the metaphor of a pot on
the stove to teach the child the varying levels of emotions involved in being
angry.

Date Feeling Watch Steam Boils

EX: 2/12 MAD X

Send the activity worksheet (see the following page) home with the
parent/caregiver and ask him or her to monitor meltdowns and explosions for
one week.
 WORKSHEET: A WATCHED POT

Monitor your child’s meltdowns and feelings and the intensity of those
feelings.

Date Feeling Watch Steam Boils

 Calming Cards

PURPOSE
To help children create images that remind them that they can choose to do an
activity to get to a calm and happy place
Copy the images shown and cut them out, or you create your own images.
Keep these in the “Cool Down Kit.” Ask the child to help you create the list
specifically for him or her using the worksheet on the following page.
 WORKSHEET: ACTIVITIES I CAN DO TO CALM DOWN

Use this worksheet to brain storm ideas with kids before creating their
own cards.
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
6. _________________________________________
7. _________________________________________
8. _________________________________________
9. _________________________________________
10. _________________________________________
11. _________________________________________
12. _________________________________________
13. _________________________________________
14. _________________________________________
15. _________________________________________
16. _________________________________________
17. _________________________________________

Work with the child to transfer the child’s favorite cool down ideas to these
blank cards.

I Am Calm

I Am Calm

I Am Calm
 The Feeling GPS, Part 1

PURPOSE
To encourage children to monitor their behavior and to help them make a
choice about letting their feelings rule their behaviors; this activity can be
used with children and with families.
Have children draw a map showing where their feeling car is going.
 The Feelings GPS, Part 2: Let’s
Drive to CALM

PURPOSE
To help children process the connection between their feelings, their
behaviors, and the consequences of those choices
Explain to the child that sometimes feelings trigger kids to hit or take out their
feelings on others. What happens to you?
For example, “When I go the MAD place I hit my brother and then my mom
sends me to my room.”
When I go to the MAD place this happens:
_________________________________________
When I go to the SCARED place this happens:
_________________________________________
When I go to the SAD place this happens:
_________________________________________
When I go to the CALM place this happens:
_________________________________________
 Rag Doll

PURPOSE
To promote relaxation and self-regulation, and to calm down before bedtime
for children ages 4 through 10

MATERIALS
The following script and a small stuffed animal
Read each set of directions slowly, using a calming tone in your voice. As
children progress through this technique, they’ll pay attention to each muscle
group, taking note of the difference between tense muscles and relaxed
muscles.
You can record this and add it to the Cool Down Kit.

Script
1. Lie down on your back and close your eyes. Breathe in deeply through
your nose. (Pause and silently count to three). Now, let out your breath
very slowly, as if you’re giving a long sigh: Ahhhhhh.
Be aware of the muscles in your face. Relax them, beginning with your
jaw. Next, relax your shoulders; feel the tension melt away. Now, feel
your tummy. Put your stuffed animal on your belly button and hold the
stuffed animal in place. Put your other hand on top of that hand. Breathe
in deeply and let out the breath slowly. Notice how your stuffed animal
 rises and falls. Let’s make our animal rise and fall 10 times. (Repeat at
least 10 times.)
2. Next, relax the muscles in your body. Pretend that you have an orange
in your right hand. Squeeze as hard as you can and count to five: one,
two, three, four, five. Good. Pay attention to the tension in your
muscles. Now, drop the orange and let your muscles relax. (Repeat for
the left hand.)
3. Now sit up and pretend you’re a cat or a dog that’s just woken up from a
nap. Stretch your arms high above your head. Now, let your arms drop.
Don’t try to stop them. Just let them fall. See how good that feels? Now,
reach for the ceiling. Stretch higher. Higher! Go as high as you can.
Now let your arms drop to your side. Doesn’t that feel good?
4. Now, let’s work on your jaw muscles. We’re going to pretend that you
have a hard piece of candy in your mouth, and you’re going to try as
hard as you can to bite through it. Bite hard. Harder! Now, relax your
jaw muscles. Let’s try it again. (Repeat.) Now, relax. Pretend you are
swallowing the candy. Yum! Feel the tension melt away in your entire
body.
5. We’re going to work on your face and nose. Scrunch up your nose as
tight as you can, making lots of wrinkles in your face. Just keep
scrunching. Now relax. Let’s try it again; scrunch harder. Harder! Relax.
Notice how relaxed your face feels.
6. Back to your tummy again. You’re going to squeeze your belly as hard
as you can, making you look as skinny as possible. Now squeeze …
squeeze … squeeze. Good. You can relax now. Next, to try to make
yourself even skinnier and hold it for a good five seconds each time.
Squeeze. (Slowly count to five.) Relax. Let’s try it one more time.
Squeeze as hard as you can. (Count to five.) Relax. Now relax your
entire body and notice how good that feels.
7. Now, pretend you’re on a sandy beach. Use the muscles in your legs and
squeeze your toes into the sand. Squeeze your toes into the sand as hard
as you can. Feel the wet sand squish between your toes. Relax the
muscles in your legs all the way down to your toes. Feel the tension
wash away into the ocean. Let’s try it again, only this time, dig your
toes deeper into the sand, using your legs once again. Relax your legs.
Relax your toes. Now, relax your entire body.
8. Pretend you’re a rag doll, and let your entire body go limp. Notice how
good it feels to be relaxed. Now, just enjoy the feeling. I am going to
slowly count to three.
When I get to three, slowly open your eyes. One, two, three. Do you
feel different than you did before we started? (Let the child answer.) Tell
me what’s different about how you feel now? (Let the child answer.)
Now you know how to melt away the tightness in your body. Whenever
you feel worried or upset or scared, take a few minutes to tighten your
muscles, then relax them.
 Let’s Go to the Moon!

PURPOSE
To teach social skills, such as sharing, taking turns, and working together for
children ages 4 through 10 in group therapy

MATERIALS
Paper and markers
Tell the children that we are all going on a trip to the moon. When we land,
we will do a fun activity together.
Gather the children in a circle and have everyone sit. Count down from 10
until “blast off,” when all the children should jump in the air.
Announce that we are now on the moon and we are going to make moon
memories. Everyone will draw his or her own picture of the moon, while
sharing the markers that are provided.
The only way for the group to get off the moon and go to home is to share.
When one of the children doesn’t share or snatches away a marker from
another child, stop the activity and ask the children to talk about how it feels
when someone takes something away from them.
You can also get creative here and design trips to other planet and lands to
promote taking turns, saying please and thank you, and other manners and
social skills.
 FIRST and THEN Board

PURPOSE
To shepherd children ages 3 through 9 in completing non-preferred tasks in
family or group settings. Kids often don’t want to do activities that are
required of them such as showering, going to bed, homework, etc. Use this
activity to move those difficult moments along.

MATERIALS
Large poster board, scissors, a glue stick, card stock or a file folder, push pins
or tape, pictures (photographs, pictures from magazines, images from Google
images, cereal boxes, household supplies, wrappers, etc.)

A FIRST/THEN board can be used to communicate a sequence of events or to
reinforce completion of a non-preferred activity. A first/then board can be
used in a variety of ways:

• To assist with transition from one activity to another
• To assist in completing non-preferred tasks by reinforcing with a
preferred activity
• Breaking a large schedule or sequence of events into smaller steps
First/Then board can be broken down into two-step activities, for example,
“FIRST read a chapter; THEN use the computer.”
You can also break down the FIRST into smaller steps, for example, “FIRST
shirt, pants, socks, and THEN use the computer.”

Making a FIRST/THEN Board

1. Gather the materials listed earlier. Tip: Every picture should have a label
 so the child can associate the written text with the picture.
2. Collect pictures to represent activities.
3. Cut the pictures out and paste them on card stock for durability or print
on card stock.
5. Label top of the poster in two columns: FIRST/ THEN for each activity
you are reinforcing.

Implementation
All FIRST activities are attached under the first column and all THEN
activities are attached across from the FIRST activity.
 My Happy Dance!

PURPOSE
To teach mindfulness and challenge negative thoughts, such as “I feel sad, but
I choose to be happy,” use the following activity with children during a
session.
People who make me feel happy
_________________________________________
Places I love to go to or I would like to visit
_________________________________________
Things I love doing
_________________________________________
Things that make me feel good
_________________________________________
Brainstorm with the child or adolescent to answer the following questions,
then create a list of pleasurable activities. When the child or adolescent feels
sad or unhappy, encourage him or her to take out the list and read it.
 Now You See It, Now You Do It

PURPOSE
To ease transitions that are difficult for children, particularly those aged 3
through 9, and can result in explosive behaviors and to reduce explosive
behaviors and increase cooperation

Young children benefit from visual cues reminding them of what is next. Do
the following, if possible, with the child:

1. Gather materials such as scissors, a glue stick, poster board, clear
contact paper, pictures (photographs, pictures from magazines, images
from Google, cereal boxes, household supplies, restaurant napkins,
placemats, wrappers, etc.). Every picture should have a label so the
child can associate the written text with the picture.
2. Choose pictures for the schedule you wish to create. Keep in mind that a
visual schedule is used to assist children with transitions and
anticipating activities throughout the day. It can be as specific or as
general as the child may need and can be for varying spans of time. For
example, a visual schedule may outline parts of a day, a half-day, or an
entire day.
3. Cut your pictures and poster board squares the same size. Keep in mind
your child’s developmental level.*
4. Glue the pictures on poster board squares for durability.
5. Punch holes and string the pictures together with yarn or string in the
order of the day.
6. Hang from a cabinet or hook at the top of a door.
Use the worksheet on page 74 with parents/caregivers to identify the
transitions during the child’s day.
 WORKSHEET: NOW YOU SEE IT: TRANSITION
PLANNER

List each transition in the child’s day:

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
6. _________________________________________
7. _________________________________________
8. _________________________________________
9. _________________________________________
10. _________________________________________
Now evaluate the following:
The child needs full supervision and prompting: yes or no
The child needs moderate supervision and prompting: yes or no
The child needs only the visual reminders: yes or no
Create a string of cues for each transition, keeping in mind
developmental stages.

*Tip: Keep in mind the developmental stage of the child. Some children will understand what “getting
dressed” means. Others will need a cue for each piece of clothing, such as images for shirt, underwear,
pants, socks, and shoes.
 Up, Up, and Away

PURPOSE
To provide children ages 3 through 9 with a mindfulness exercise that will
help their let go of problems, annoyances, and irritations; to help children to
articulate problems that bother them; and to decrease meltdowns and
tantrums.

Work with the child around the triggers that cause them to tantrum or
meltdown and using the following as a guide.
1. Ask the child if he or she has ever had a problem that upset him or her,
such as someone pushing to the front of the line, someone bumping into
him or her—concentrate on easy to let go of problems.
2. Give the child an example: “I was waiting in line at the grocery store
and the clerk shut the aisle down after I had already put my groceries
down. I was so mad! I had to move all my food back into my cart and
go to another line!”
3. Brainstorm with the child about things that bug him or her.
4. Have the child write each thing/problem on one of the hot air balloon
(see the following page).
5. Say to the child, “Now let’s imagine that the balloon is taking the
problem way away into space, never to return.”
Copy the worksheet on page 76 and give the child markers/crayons and have
them write or draw pictures of problems on the balloon.
 Tommy the Tiger: Narrative Story
Telling

PURPOSE
To help children separate themselves from the problem through story telling

By constructing a story about a problem, children can experience themselves

separate from the problem. This allows children to talk freely about what is
going on, and they gain control over their feelings. Following is an example,
addressing meltdowns at bedtime, of questions that can be asked to guide the
child.
Therapist: “If the problem had a name what would it be?”
Child: “Tommy the Tiger.”
Therapist: “It sounds like Tommy the Tiger shows up right at bedtime and
keeps you from going to bed. How does Tommy the Tiger keep you
from going to bed? Can you remember a time when Tommy the Tiger
didn’t show up at bedtime?”
Child: “He doesn’t show up on Saturday night.”
Therapist: “What is different about Saturday night?”
Child: “I don’t know it’s just different.”
Therapist: “Tell me more about those times, what was different?
(The therapist continues to ask questions and comes up with the
 following: no homework, lots of time outside to run around, less
structure, etc.)
Therapist: “What is the worst thing about it when Tommy the Tiger
appears?”
Child: “Everyone is mad at me.”
Therapist: “Tell me what would be like if Tommy the Tiger didn’t visit
you at bedtime anymore?”
Child: “Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t be mad at me.”
Therapist: “What else?”
Child: “I wouldn’t be so tired in the morning.”
Therapist: “Great, let’s write a letter to Tommy the Tiger and ask him to
stay at the zoo and not bother you at bedtime.”
Use the worksheet on the following page to assist the child in writing their
own letter.
Write the letter with the child and have him or her draw pictures.
Dear ___________________________,
_________________________________________


Section VI
Quick Tips for Successful and
Responsible Children
 You Are Your Child’s Favorite Toy

PURPOSE
Teaching parents how to play with their children and increase their bond.
Invite parents/caregivers into the play therapy room and try these ideas:
• Remind parents that playing with kids doesn’t have to be long and
involved. It can be in 5- to 10-minute spurts.
• Have parent/caregiver read a short book or poem aloud to the child.
• Tell the parent/caregiver to ask the child, “Can I play with you?” In
kid-speak, this means “I like you.”
• Encourage adults to always approach children rather than having
children approach adults for play. It always works out better if you
don’t have to say no because in kids-speak, it means “I don’t like you.”
• Sit with a child and watch him or her play without talking. Listen and
watch—you will be surprised with the stories and information that they
will share while playing.
Draw on a piece of paper and cover up what you are doing. Kids are
curious. They will pry your arm away to see, and when they do, you
can ask, “Would you like a turn?”
 I Am

PURPOSE
To increase feelings of self-worth in children who are depressed, worried, or
anxious.

MATERIALS
Play dough or modeling clay, paper, and a pen
Brainstorm of positive attributes with the child, for example, “brave, a good
friend, artistic, good speller, organized, etc.”

I am ________.
I am ________.
I am ________.
I am ________.
I am ________.
Provide the child an assortment of different colors of clay.
Tell the child to pick one thing from the list and create an image out of the
clay to represent it.
After the child makes the clay image, ask him or her, “Why did you choose
that one? What can you tell me about it?”
Encourage the child to choose another attribute from the list and to do the
exercise again. Have the child take the images home to reinforce positive
thoughts and to increase his or her self-worth.
 What Is Your Word?

PURPOSE
To encourage children and adolescents to find something meaningful to put at
the center of their lives to overcome suffering and depression.

Keeping positive messages front and center gives us something to focus on to
create success in our lives.
• Ask the child, “What is the one word that best describes you?” Answers
could include “artist,” “peacekeeper,” “leader,” “comedian,” “computer
whiz,” and so on.
• Help the child or adolescent come up with a word that best describes a
positive attribute that he or she has.
• Give the child or adolescent a piece of paper and have him or her draw,
color, paint, and/or decorate that word so it is big and bold.
• Make five copies of this paper and send them home with the child or
adolescent to hang in the bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, and so on, so
that he or she sees this message multiple times a day.
Use the attribute list on page 89 to stimulate the conversation.
 Positive Attributes List

Use this list to dig deeper and find more words that describe the
child/adolescent in a positive light.

POSITIVE ATTRIBUTES LIST

adventurous compassionate enthusiastic
brave conscientious faithful
bright considerate friendly
calm courteous funny
careful creative generous
communicative determined gentle
loving diligent hardworking
loyal easygoing helpful
modest patient honest
neat polite kind
optimistic reliable thoughtful
sociable sensible warmhearted
sympathetic sincere




 A Perfect Day!

PURPOSE
To mine for goals and dreams in adolescents (ages 13 through 18)
Have the adolescent spend a few minutes thinking about a perfect day would
be like in his or her life. Encourage the adolescent write a story describing in
detail everything about that day.
The following prompts will help the adolescent get started:
Where are you?
_________________________________________
Who are you with?
_________________________________________
What are you doing?
_________________________________________
How do you feel?
_________________________________________
 Tweet Power

PURPOSE
To encourage teenagers (ages 13 through 18) to express themselves
Some teens aren’t very conversational. This challenge will get them talking to
you. Tell the teen, “On Twitter you only get 140 characters to express
yourself. I will ask a question, and you respond by writing an answer using
140 characters.” Allow them to use the computer with word application to
count the characters. Use the worksheet on the next page for examples of
questions.
 WORKSHEET: TWEET POWER

Tell me something you accomplished in the last week.

_________________________________________
Tell me about something you did that you were proud of.
_________________________________________
If you could do anything in your life what would it be?
_________________________________________
If you could go anywhere where would you go?
_________________________________________
Are you an introvert or an extravert? Explain.
_________________________________________
What do you think that real friendship means?
_________________________________________
What do you think your life purpose is?
_________________________________________
 Dear Best Friend (Responsible
One)

PURPOSE
To encourage teens (ages 13–18) to be responsible by giving advice to others;
this activity can be used in group therapy sessions.
By encouraging teens to give advice to their peers, they can often benefit by
listening to someone else’s problem. Also by distancing oneself from a
problem, it is less threatening and easier to offer solutions.
• Instruct each member of the group to write a brief letter to someone he
or she really trusts. The letter should consist of a request for advice
concerning a real problem, present or past. In their letters, members
should include enough facts and feelings so that the other group
members will be able to relate.
• The letter should be signed with a made-up name.
• Collect the letters, and then pass them out again, ensuring that everyone
will receive a letter that is not his or her letter.
• Instruct the group members to write a response to the letter they have.
• When the group finishes, have the group members read the letters and
their responses aloud. Allow the group members to discuss the advice
given, debating whether they agree or disagree and why? The therapist
can also guide the process to reflect appropriate advice if need be.
 Creating Greatness

PURPOSE
To encourage teens to strive for greatness and success by examining others
and themselves; this activity can be used in individual or group therapy
sessions.
Exploring definitions of the words average and exceptional and exploring
these behaviors with kids encourages them to strive for greatness.
Use the following worksheet, “Creating Greatness,” to engage the teenager
during the session. After the teen has filled out the worksheet, use this as a
conversation starter.
 WORKSHEET: CREATING GREATNESS

1. Write down the names of people you know that who are average
achievers:
(Average: usual or typical mediocre or inferior)
_________________________________________
2. Write down three times in your life when your average achievements
actually caused you to come up short:
_________________________________________
3. Write down the names of people who you know are above average or
exceptional and explain how they are different from “just average”:
_________________________________________
4. What’s one small thing you can do going forward to be great or
exceptional?
(Exceptional: unusual; not typical)
_________________________________________
 The Dog Ate My Homework:
Excuses versus Reasons

PURPOSE
To help teens take responsibility for their actions and to help them move
forward towards success.
Teens are quick to make excuses when they are ashamed or embarrassed.
Encouraging them to take responsibility allows them to grow and learn from
their mistakes. Use the following worksheet, “Excuses versus Reasons,” with
the teen during the session to begin a conversation and make this a teachable
moment.
 WORKSHEET: EXCUSES VERSUS REASONS

Share the following with the teen:

Excuses are never the reason why one does or doesn’t do something.
They are merely a revision of the facts construed to help one feel better
about what did or did not happen. For example,
_________________________________________
Excuse: You didn’t turn your homework in because the dog ate it.
_________________________________________
Reasons are the logical facts associated with a behavior. It forces
personal responsibility where it is appropriate.
_________________________________________
Reason: You didn’t turn your homework in is because you left it where
the dog could get it.
_________________________________________
1. What are some of your favorite excuses?
_________________________________________
2. What are the real reasons behind your excuses?
_________________________________________
3. How do you feel when you use an excuse?
_________________________________________
4. How does using an excuse keep you from being the best you, you can
be?
_________________________________________
 Time, Time, Time

PURPOSE
To help teens identify how they spend their time, what the time wasters are,
and how to make positive choices about what they are doing with their time
Encourage the teen to fill out the worksheets on pages 102 and 103 and then
review it with them or the therapist can ask these questions and notate on the
worksheet.
 WORKSHEET: TIME, TIME, TIME

1. How much time are you at school each day?

_________________________________________
2. How much time do you spend on homework?
_________________________________________
3. How much time do you spend at meals?
_________________________________________
4. How much time do you spend sleeping?
_________________________________________
5. How much time do you spend doing some type of sport or activity?
_________________________________________
6. How much time do you spend doing homework and seeking help for
that homework?
_________________________________________
7. How much time do you spend with friends doing something fun?
_________________________________________
8. How much time do you spend on the Internet, playing video games,
social media, texting, and so on?
_________________________________________
9. How much time do you spend watching TV?
_________________________________________
10. Of the activities you do, which do you think are time wasters?
_________________________________________
Use this calendar to fill in what is happening now. And the second
calendar how you would like it to look.

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday

Section VII
Quick Tips for Engaging Kids in
School and Learning
 When Our Teens Don’t Get Us
and We Don’t Get Them … and
What to Do about It

Do you sometimes feel that you and your teenager live on different planets?
Do you and your teen get frustrated and angry at each other? Do you notice
that your take on a given situation is miles away from your teen’s experience?
If so, you are not alone. In fact, most parents of teenagers sometimes get mad
at themselves for losing control and wonder what they can do about it.
Sometimes the solution isn’t what you think. Let me tell you how my son
didn’t get me and I didn’t get him. I want you to know that we didn’t just
resolve this situation, I was also able to approach parenting in a whole new
way from then on … and so will you.
Here is our story.
Parent Coach Susan Epstein’s Real-Life Experience with her Two
Teenagers
Mom’s Point of View
A few summers ago, I was standing in the checkout line at the Gap with my
two teenagers, Daniel and Sarah. We had just completed our yearly back-to-
school shopping. With every item Dan had selected and had to have, he tossed
it to me to carry. Now, I am a petite woman, I am 45 years old, and I had
worked all day; it is 9 p.m. We have been in the mall since 6 p.m., and I was
exhausted, irritable, weighted down, and broke. In one hand, I was holding
two pair of pants, a sweatshirt, shirt, four pair of boxers, and a sweater. In my
other hand was my purse and $250 of clothing that I purchased for Sarah at
Old Navy.
There were three checkouts and four to five people in each line. It was a mob
scene. I was almost there; I could already feel myself sinking into my bed and
nodding off into dreamland. I was dead on my feet. I glanced up at the
counter, and two of the checkout girls, not much older than my son, are
giggling and discussing what they would be doing when they got off work
that evening. I felt as if I have been in this line for 10 days, and I want to
scream! Instead, I turned to my kids and said, in a whisper, “This is
ridiculous!” Dan looks at me with disdain and hisses, “I hate it when people
do that … it’s soooooo rude!”
One of the girls looked up from behind the counter and sheepishly said, “I’ll
be right with you.” I was instantly shamed. My more-than-truthful comment
made me look like the “mom from hell” to the back-to-school shopping
crowd.
Daniel’s Point of View
We were at the gap. Mom was so cool; she was getting me whatever I want. I
was going off to college and she felt bad. She liked everything I choose. I
can’t remember a better shopping spree with Mom. She was even carrying
everything for me. We got everything I wanted in less than 30 minutes, and
there was still plenty of time left to see my friends. It was awesome!
Now it was time to pay. We got in line. The line was really long. My cell
phone rang, and it was one of my friends. We talked for a while, and then I
told him that I’d pick him up real soon. I had taken my own car to the mall so
I could split as soon as we were done.
My mom was breathing heavy and was looking really irritated and crabby.
How can her moods change so quickly? All of a sudden she blurted out, really
loudly, “This is ridiculous!” It was horrible; everyone in the store was looking
at us. I tried to hide and to pretend that she was not my mom, so I said, “I hate
it when people do that. It is soooooo rude!” Again, all eyes were looking at
us, and I look away, again pretending I don’t know her. Even the hot girl
behind the counter knew how embarrassing it was to be out with your parents.
She looked right at my mom and said, with an edge, “I’ll be right with you.”
There, my mom was put in her place.
Now I feel bad: I want to be with my mom, but sometimes she can be such a
dork!

Writing this experience from Daniel’s perspective really helped me see where
my son was coming from. We had different agendas: He had plans to go out
with friends; I had plans to sleep. We had different energy levels: He had slept
until noon; I had been up since 6 a.m. I was sad about him leaving for college
the following week, and he couldn’t wait to get to his dorm and meet his
roommate. I showed Dan this piece after I wrote it, and we talked about how
we sometimes see things from different angles. After this, I began to take a
step back when I was confused about my teen’s behavior. I thought about it
from his point of view, and then I checked it out with him to see if I was on
the right track.
 Engaging Kids

PURPOSE
To increase motivation in children and teens
The following are key components in kids being actively engaged in learning,
conversation, and discovery. Use this checklist when looking at why a child
or teen might be disengaged, bored, or disruptive in class or at home with
homework. Answer yes or no to each.
The activity …
Y or N activates prior knowledge.
Y or N fosters active investigation.
Y or N promotes group interaction.
Y or N encourages collaboration.
Y or N allows for choice.
Y or N includes games and humor.
Y or N supports mastery.
Y or N nurtures independent thinking.
Y or N does not make children wait.
 The Most Amazing School Year

PURPOSE
To assist parents/caregivers in creating a new treatment plan.
Beginnings are a great time to look back and evaluate your expectations,
goals, and aspirations. We learn from our mistakes, we learn from certain
decisions and choices that seemed right at the time, and we learn, too, that
even with the best intentions sometimes those choices led us down a rocky
road.
Use the worksheet on the following page, “Three-Stage Plan for an Amazing
School Year,” to engage parents/caregivers in the child/teen treatment plan.
WORKSHEET: THREE-STAGE PLAN FOR AN AMAZING
SCHOOL YEAR

Ask the parent/caregiver the following questions:

1. What was the best thing that happened last school year?
_________________________________________
2. What was the worst thing that happened?
_________________________________________
3. If you could do something over again, how would you handle it?
_________________________________________
4. What advice would you give yourself for this new school year?
_________________________________________
5. What do you know now that you wish you knew a year ago?
_________________________________________
6. What are you concerns with your child today?
_________________________________________
7. What are your dream, goal, and vision for this school year for your
child?
_________________________________________
Take one thing you want to improve or change, and break it down into
three steps:
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
I will complete these steps by _______________.
 “I Hate Homework!”

PURPOSE
To increase a student’s engagement in homework and to eliminate power
struggles, tantrums, and meltdowns
Parents and Teachers can encourage school engagement by creating and
supporting assignments that have the following qualities.
Ask these questions before assigning homework or while looking over a
homework assignment. Getting a yes to these questions will increase the
student’s willingness to complete the assignment and will increase
engagement in learning:

• Does the student have a choice how he or she does the assignment?
• Does the student have a choice where he or she does the assignment?
• Does the student have a choice how much time it will take him or her to
complete the assignment?
• Does the assignment engage the student in something new, or is it a
regurgitation of something already taught in class?
• Does the student understand the purpose of the assignment?
• Does the assignment augment learning already begun in class?
 My Special Project

PURPOSE
To promoting learning, excitement, and engagement in children and
adolescents outside of the school environment and to increase self-esteem,
confidence, creativity, motivation, and presentation skills. (This activity can
be used in a group therapy format as well.)
Providing a creative learning environment at home is an exciting way to
stimulate a child or teen’s mind. Try this activity at home.

• Schedule a family meeting and tell the kids that everyone in the family
is going to have a chance to create and showcase his or her own project.
It can be whatever each kid wants.
• Brainstorm ideas such as designing a garden, creating a workspace in
the basement, looking for rocks, and creating a presentation about
something of interest. The ideas should be something the child or teen
wants to do.
• Next, ask them what supplies they will need for their project and create
a list.
• Gather the items together or shop for them if you don’t have them.
• Pick a day—could be a Saturday, Sunday, or a vacation day—and mark
it as PROJECT DAY on the calendar.
• Tell the kids they have from 8 a.m. until 4 p.m. (or whatever works) to
design, create, and finish their project.
• After dinner (this night would be a fun night to get a pizza), have each
family member stand up and show off his or her project.
 My Own Report Card

PURPOSE
To give kids useful and purposeful feedback on their school experience
without associating it with a grade.
For children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, mental health issues,
and/or learning disabilities, report cards can be demoralizing and hurtful.
Oftentimes, grades do not reflect the effort that a student puts into his or her
work.
At the beginning of the quarter or semester, ask kids for their top five learning
goals. At the end of the quarter or semester, have the kids answer the
following report card questions.

My Top Five Learning Goals:

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Use the worksheet on the following page with the child/teen to create their
own report card that reflects effort, not grades.
 WORKSHEET: MY OWN REPORT CARD

1. How did I do?

2. Did I succeed in learning what I set out to?
3. Do my grades reflect my effort?
4. What were my challenges?
5. What were my obstacles?
6. What did I excel at?
7. What needed more attention?
8. What did I love learning?
9. What bored me to tears?
10. What type of learning do I like the best: Watching? Listening?
Doing?
 The ME Poster

PURPOSE
To increase motivation, self-esteem, and sense of purpose for children and
adolescents; this activity can be used in individual, group, family, home, and
classroom therapy sessions.
Work with the child or adolescent to create a poster about themselves that
shows them doing something they are proud of or that offers encouraging
words.
Go to the Big Huge Labs website: bighugelabs.com/motivator.php
The following is a poster I created myself.
 “Getting Unstuck” Cards

PURPOSE
To help kids move on from being overwhelmed, from suffering writer’s block,
or from obsessive thoughts; this activity can be used in individual, group,
home, and classroom therapy settings.

MATERIALS
Card stock or 3 × 5 cards and an assortment of colored markers

Brainstorm to create statements, questions, or prompts to light that fire for the
child or teen. Tell the child or teen to create a stack of at least 10 cards to use
when he or she is stuck.
The following are examples of prompts:

What would my best friend do?
Look away and then look at it again.
What am I resisting?
What is needed?
What are other possibilities?
Where do I limit myself?
If I were at my best, what would I do now?
What is it to be focused?

Get Unstuck
Get Unstuck

Get Unstuck
Section VIII
Quick Tips for a Happy, Healthy
Home
 One Perfect Moment

Most parents and educators dream of one perfect day with the kids, one day
during which there was no hitting, kicking, screaming and no “You can’t
make me!” Homework is completed without nagging; teeth are brushed
without reminding; dinnertime is filled with wonderful conversations; and
when you tuck your angels into bed there are many smiles—like on Leave it
to Beaver and The Brady Bunch.
Oh, to all be so happy and relaxed! I remember wishing for this many
times. As I look back on the last 10 years, when I was raising my kids, a
portion of which I was a single parent, I don’t think that there ever was one
perfect day.
I am quite amazed that I could do it all: working full-time, dinner on the table
six of seven nights, lunches made, cookies baked, homework, bath time,
reading to the kids, doctors and dentist appointments, shopping, cleaning,
Little League, dance, Girl Scouts, selling cookies and wrapping paper,
religious school, birthday parties, school plays, chicken pox, stomach flu,
strep, up all night with sick kids, friends for the kids, sledding, ice skating,
swimming lessons, holiday shopping, holidays in general, snow days,
planning summers, planning and making vacations happen, finding sitters,
making time for me and my interests, taking care of me (exercising, eating
well, etc.), and being totally, totally, flexible!
What I did have were many, many perfect moments, and these are the
moments I cherished then and remember today. How would you like more
perfect moments? I am going to share my secret:
• Time is a commodity: I planned, planned, and planned.
• We shut off the TV Sunday night through Thursday nights (more time
together, no arguing about what to watch or when to go to bed).
• I had a sitter, a backup sitter, and another backup sitter.
• I traded with other moms and dads for free time.
• I cooked on Sundays for the whole week.
• I made all lunches on Sundays.
• I learned to say no to a lot of people.
• I did not involve my kids in more than two after-school activities each
week (preferably just one).
• Piano lessons were given at our house (no driving and waiting).
• We had a basketball hoop at our house (I knew where the kids were).
• We had family time, games, puzzles, and laughter.
• And when I felt overwhelmed, I asked for help from friends, relatives,
and experts.
 Obesity and Depression: The New
Childhood Disease

Overweight children, compared to children with a healthy weight, suffer

from social discrimination and low self-esteem. Depression in children and
adolescents can be the cause and the consequence of obesity. In fact, some
kids who are overweight have a higher level of anxiety than do other children.
The fallout from this includes:

• teasing at school and through social media;
• difficulties playing sports, which compounds the problem;
• fatigue, which contributes to depression; and
• sleep apnea, which contributes to poor sleep and thus a shorter fuse.
Our hearts break for these kids, and we oftentimes don’t know how to help.
What we do to help?

• Have a medical evaluation completed first to rule out a physical cause.
• Emphasize healthy eating—clean out your cabinets together and read
the labels.
• Create awareness by making three piles on the kitchen table: foods to
keep, foods to never buy again, and foods to throw away (look for sugar
and other unhealthy additives).
• Let the child know he or she is loved and appreciated.
• If you suffer from overweight or obesity yourself, create a family goal
to get healthy.
• Shop together for fruits, vegetables, and lean protein.
• Plan meals and cook together.
• Take walks together and plan active outings.
• Be a role model for your child so he or she has someone to look up to
and admire.
 Time Away from the Kids

Are you are so busy, striving for a clean house and home-cooked meals? For
exercising daily, eating right, watching your weight, having rewarding
employment, having a social life and fulfillment? For being the best mom or
dad you can be?
Do you feel something is missing? Are you noticing that
• you and your partner don’t spend time together?
• you and your partner are arguing with no resolution?
• you feel that you are letting him or her down?
• you want to add more intimacy and romance in your life?
• you and your partner have a dream, such as going on vacation, and you
don’t know how to make that happen?
• you have an issue that is causing stress in your relationship (e.g., kid
issues, job issues, troubles with infertility, or your relationship with in-
laws)?
• you are going through a life transition, such as a new job, a baby, a new
romance, a new marriage, your kids growing up and leaving home,
having to care for an elderly parent?
Is it time to start paying attention to your relationship with your partner? “But
Susan, we both work full-time, and the kids demand all of our attention!”
Paying attention to your relationship will put you both at the top of the list,
and when you nurture and support each other, everything else will seem much
more manageable.

Steps for Caring for Each Other

• Get a babysitter if you need to and go out one time a week. Pick a night
and stick to it. It doesn’t have to be Saturday! It doesn’t matter what
you do—you can even go food shopping together. Just make it alone
 time.
• Make a specific time each evening as “off duty.” For example, tell the
kids, “Bedtime is 8:30p.m., and we are now on break; no interruptions.”
Follow through to ensure you and your partner have at least an hour
alone each evening.
• Explore activities and hobbies that you have in common. As your kids
get older, begin to do these activities together, such as, for example,
running, tennis, dancing, skiing, photography, or hiking.
• Talk about intimacy and schedule time to be alone and reconnect.
Notice when your partner does something kind and comment to him or
her about it.
• Get conscious in your relationship and pay attention to what is going
on.
These steps are not automatic, and they take planning and organization. But
the work is well worth it in the end. But just a little caveat, some days the
laundry just won’t get folded, and there might be some dishes in the sink
when you wake up in the morning, but sometimes, letting go of some
mundane tasks will be well worth it!
 Messy Home, Messy Mind

“If a home doesn’t make sense, nothing does.”

– Henrietta Ripperger
I just came across this quote, and it made me stop and think how true this is;
messy rooms, dirty dishes, chaos in our junk draws, and unplanned meals can
certainly have a major impact on each day of our lives. I know for me, that if I
don’t have some order my mind feels messy, too. It made me think about all
the systems that I have created over the years and about how implementing
those systems in my life while my kids were growing up provided me with a
clear mind and wonderful memories. We didn’t fight about messy rooms,
money, curfews, and homework because I had a system for each of those.
Consider implementing the following for a healthy home and healthy mind:
• Regular shopping trips
• Regular bedtimes
• Regular mealtimes
• Regular cleaning days
• Regular laundry days
• Menus for the week
• Schedules for watching TV
• Allowances
• Homework time
The key is “regularity” and “schedules”! These provided my kids and me the
structure we needed for our busy, full, productive lives.
 Pay the Jar

PURPOSE
To reduce sibling conflict, hitting, kicking, and name-calling, among other
unwanted behaviors
When my children were five and nine, they were constantly calling each other
names and hitting each other. Sound familiar? Well, it drove me bananas, and
I knew I had to nip it in the bud!
So I created a fine system:

25 cents for a name
50 cents for a smack
I put a label on a jar that said “FINES.”
I gave them each 2 dollars in change at the beginning of the week. If they
called each other names or hit each other, I would make them “pay the jar.”
The first week, I collected a lot of change, and I would tease them, saying,
“Mommy’s getting rich!”
They quickly figured out that if they kept their language “appropriate” and
kept their hands and feet to themselves, they could keep their change. The bad
habits were cured within two weeks.
Then I implemented the “Allowance Is What You Are Allowed” Plan, which
continued the lesson, teaching them how to plan and save and spend wisely.
(See Title of Piece, vol. 1, “Allowance”).
 Electronics Cost Money

PURPOSE
To teaching financial responsibility and for controlling use of electronics at
home

MATERIALS
Jar or container and quarters
Because you are paying the bills for all things “electronic,” explain to the kids
that they will have to pay to use these things as well. Each child will be given
a set amount of coins at the beginning of the week that he or she must allocate
for using the electronics. When the money runs out, that’s it for the week.
You can offer an incentive that if there is leftover money at the end of the
week, he or she can spend it at the grocery store on a special treat when you
go shopping.
First, determine how much of each electronic you would approve of on
average per week. If your child is permitted to watch one hour of TV and to
use the computer for one hour of computer time a day, multiply that times 7,
for a total of 14 hours of total electronics per week. If every hour costs 50
cents, then that is a total of 7 dollars per week.
Consider breaking down the available time into 30-minute intervals and
providing quarters for payment.
 Rainy Day Tool Kit (Expressive
Arts for Creative Minds)

Well, it is cold, real cold, and rainy—the kind of day during which you don’t
want to leave the house. But you know if you don’t get out, by the end of the
day, your nerves are going to be frayed (from your children’s fighting and
bickering, from their nagging you, from your nagging them), and the kids will
have probably lost every toy and privilege under the sun. Those long, sad
faces will be looking at you for the rest of the day.
You have probably tried letting them watch TV for hours, but after a while, as
you watch them turn into zombies in front of your very eyes, the guilt gets to
you. On one hand, you realize that sitting in front of a talking box just isn’t
healthy; however, you are out of ideas about what to do. Why can’t they just
play alone, or together, or just occupy themselves? I’ll tell you why.
The kids are out of ideas, just like you are. They are accustomed to using TV,
video games, and time on computer as their wind-down activity. Very rarely
do our kids have a whole day of nothingness stretching out before them.
• They need you to provide structure and ideas.
• They need you to spark their creative minds.
• They need you to turn off the TV so they can think and learn and build.
The following are some creative ideas you can pull together in no time with
items found around your home or classroom.

Make Play Dough

Get out the cookie cutters and let the kids make a mess. Once it dries, it is a
breeze to clean up.
Here are a few fun to make recipes!

Play Dough
 2 cups flour
3 tbsp cream of tartar
1/2 cup salt
4 tbsp oil
1/2 cup boiling water
food coloring
Mix dry ingredients together. Mix oil, food coloring, and boiling water in a
separate container. Stir liquid mixture until cool enough to knead. Knead until
smooth. If the play dough is too dry, add more water, a little at a time. If play
dough is too crumbly, knead in a small amount of oil. Store in an airtight
container.

No-Cook Play Dough

4 cups flour
1 cup salt
4 tbsp oil
1 1/2 cup water
Mix oil and food color together before adding to dry mixture. Mix until
pliable. Keep in container or plastic bag.

More Ideas!
Make a Treasure Chest
Shoeboxes, magazines, and glue sticks are all that is needed to make great art
projects. Let kids decorate the boxes and then use them for storing their
treasures.
Family Photo Gallery
Go through photographs. Let the kids cut them up and make a collage from
the photos from a family vacation.
Let’s Play School
Set up a schoolroom and let the kids be the teachers to each other.
Let’s Find It!
Have an indoor scavenger hunt.
Picnic
Have a picnic lunch in the family room; sit on beach towels and eat in your
bathing suits to mix things up.
Fort!
Let the kids build a fort out of chairs and blankets.
Performance
Give your kids a bag of objects and have them put on a skit for you using the
objects.
Sit back and watch your kids have fun while knowing that you are sparking
their creative minds!
 The Creative Brain

PURPOSE
To teach children to play on their own without the use of electronics and to
encourage creativity and brain function

MATERIALS
A paper bag or shoebox, stickers, markers, magazines, scissors, glue sticks,
timer, and index cards
Whether you do this as part of a therapy session or as a parent/child activity,
work together to create dozens of ideas that encourage hands on, creative
activities that stimulate the mind.
1. Provide children with the materials above and ask them to decorate a
bag or box.
2. Using the worksheet, brainstorm with the child at least 25 activities that
they can do alone that are not electronic (no TV, phone, iPad, iPod, etc.)
3. Set the timer for one minute and have the children call out ideas as fast
as they can while taking turns. Get silly! Make it fun!
4. Transfer the best ideas onto the index cards either with images of that
activity or with the activity name written out.
Put the completed index cards into the box or bag, and the next time the
child says, “I’m bored,” “I have nothing to do,” or “Can I use the
computer or watch TV?” point him or her to his or her box or bag and
say, “You have so much you can do!”
Parents/caregivers, use the worksheet on the following page to begin the
brainstorm with the child. Then use the card worksheet to transfer the best
ideas.
 WORKSHEET: THE CREATIVE BRAIN

Fun Stuff I Can Do Alone or with a Friend

1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________
6. ______________________________________________
7. ______________________________________________
8. ______________________________________________
9. ______________________________________________
10. ______________________________________________
11. ______________________________________________
12. ______________________________________________
13. ______________________________________________
14. ______________________________________________
15. ______________________________________________
16. ______________________________________________
17. ______________________________________________
18. ______________________________________________
19. ______________________________________________
20. ______________________________________________
21. ______________________________________________
22. ______________________________________________
23. ______________________________________________
24. ______________________________________________
25. ______________________________________________
Creative Brain Activity

Creative Brain Activity

Creative Brain Activity

 Does Your Life Have Rhythm?

Think about the world: day and night; the seasons; the tides going in and out;
the days, months, and years. We are given an order by which we live. How do
you use this? Do you have regular bedtimes, mealtimes, relaxation breaks,
workdays, and exercise and movement times? Or are your days spent reacting
to chaos and fires to which you are continually reacting?
If the latter is the case, you are most likely depleted by the end of the day.
Structure helps us keep our energy even and plentiful. Chaos leads to
disorganization, poor sleep, poor eating habits, and anxiety, and our
relationships suffer.
What if your days and nights were built on a structure that was easy and fun
to implement? Would you want to do this?
The following suggestions are ones I have used over the years to help me
streamline my life and leave time for the stuff that really matters to me:

• When you prepare a dinner, multiply the recipe at least times two.
Freeze the unused portions and label them with a date. This gives you a
no-cook night. Once you’ve got the hang of it, you’ll only have to cook
a couple of times a week because you’ll always have something healthy
and tasty that you can defrost, heat up, and serve. (Yippeee! More time
relaxing, spending time with those you love!)
• Pick a time of day for movement. Put it on your calendar. Do different
things each day such as go up and down the stairs 10 times, take a short
walk around the block, do four of your favorite yoga poses, stand at
your desk while working, and so on. (Yippee! Even if you don’t make it
to the gym, you still moved!)
• Pick a bedtime that allows you a minimum of seven hours of sleep.
(I plan on nine!) Thirty minutes before bed, turn off the TV; put the
laptop, iPad, and phone away; and read a book or a magazine.
Rhythm has a lot to do with planning. Life happens and things get messy,
such as when a hurricane, a blizzard, or an earthquake occurs. Then all settles
down and it’s back to the ebb and flow of life.
 Free Time? What’s That? Taking
Care of You

Whether you are a parent or a professional or both, it is essential that you

recharge your own batteries. Throughout this book, I have stressed being “on”
with your kids and not allowing their negative behaviors to go unnoticed. I
also realize that you require downtime and grown-up time.
Making time for yourself while raising kids and/or working with kids can be a
huge challenge. In fact, it may feel like likes an impossibility given your job,
long commute, household chores, kids’ activities, busing the kids to and from,
laundry, meal prep, shopping, cleaning—tired yet?
So where do you fit it eating right, exercising, socializing, alone time,
reflection, fun, or just plain doing nothing?
Today, I want you to do some research; that means keep track of what you do
and when you do it.
Notice the following things:

• How many times you check your e-mail, your phone, social
networking sites, and so on
• Are distracted from what you are doing and not complete tasks, only to
have to come back to it later and restart
• How often you wing it without planning and create extra work for
yourself
• Your bedtime routines and your mealtime routines
Use the following worksheet to identify the daily activities that are time
wasters.
After you do this fill in the activities you want to make time for.
All of this will save you precious time and create space for you to do nothing,
or read a book, or put your feet up.
 WORKSHEET: CREATING TIME FOR ME

Activities that are time wasters:

1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
Activities that I want to fit in:
1. _________________________________________
2. _________________________________________
3. _________________________________________
4. _________________________________________
5. _________________________________________
 Splish, Splash: Seizing
Opportunities of Joy and
Connection

Last fall, I pulled up to the dry cleaners to drop off a few winter coats. It was
a damp day; the rain had stopped, but the aftermath of the storm had left the
parking lot full of puddles. I sat in car for a few minutes before getting out,
watching a dad with his two-year-old boy navigate the lot with a big basket of
laundry on their way to the Laundromat next to the dry cleaners.
Dad carried the laundry, and the two-year-old had a small bag, too. At the
edge of the sidewalk was a puddle. His dad’s back was to him, and the little
boy walked right through it. He turned around and a glorious smile appeared
on his face.
He turned around to check where his dad was—his dad was still walking—
and then the little boy jumped back in the puddle and stamped his feet. His
smile got bigger; the child’s joy was classic. Next he got up onto the sidewalk
—by now, his dad was struggling with the door to the Laundromat—and the
little boy went back to the puddle for yet another jump.
At this moment, his dad saw him. A look of anger, frustration, now crossed
his dad’s face, and he grabbed the little boy’s arm and dragged him into the
Laundromat.
This made me sad. I thought of all the missed opportunities that busy,
stressed-out parents, caregivers, and professionals give up for the “have-to-
dos.”
The next time you see a puddle, I challenge you to get in there with the child
or teen in your life. It doesn’t have to be a literal puddle, but the opportunity
to stop, watch, and join the absolute joy that splashing together can provide.
 References/Resources

Bronson, P and A. Merryman. 2009. NurtureShock, New Thinking about

Children. Twelve: Hachette Book Group.
Bradbury T. and J. Greaves 2009. Emotional Intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart;
Har/Dol En edition
Cardone, G. 2011 The 10X Rule: The Only Difference Between Success and
Failure. Wiley
Epstein, Susan P. 2012. Over 60 Techniques, Activities & Worksheets for
Challenging Children and Adolescents. Premier Publishing & Media
Freeman, J., Epston, D. & Lobovits, D. (1997) Stories of hope. In Playful
Approaches to Serious Problems: Narrative Therapy with Children and Their
Families. New York: Norton.
Godin, Seth. 2011. We are all Weird. The Domino Project
Hall, Kevin. 2009. Aspire: Discovering Your Purpose Through the Power of
Words. William Morrow
James, B. 1989. Treating Traumatized Children: New Insights and creative
interventions. New York: The Free Press
Lowndes, L. 2003. How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success
in Relationships. McGraw Hill
Parry, A. & Doan, R.E. 1994. Stories Re-visions: Narrative Therapy in
Postmodern World. New York: Guilford Press.
Pink, Daniel H. 2005. A Whole New Mind. Allen & Unwin
Pink, Daniel H. 2009. Drive. River Head Books.
Whitworth, L. & Kimsey-House, H., Sandahl, P. 1998. Co-Active Coaching.
Davies-Black Publishing.

WEBSITES
www.ParentingPowers.com (Susan P. Epstein, LCSW, Free Special Report,
free parenting tips, videos, tele-classes & Parenting Community.
www.GetHealthyWithSusan.com (Susan’s Health Coaching site)
http://www.childhealthpolicy.sfu.ca/research_quarterly_08/rq-pdf/RQ-1-10-
Winter.pdf

For your convenience, we have established a dedicated website to download

all the worksheets and exercises. This gives you a choice to photocopy from
the book or print them.
go.pesi.com/techniques