Marriage: A Lifelong Commitment
Scripture consistently communicates that marriage is a lifelong commitment. Jesus described the
relationship between husband and wife this way in Matthew 19:6: “They are no longer two, but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (NIV). Dr. Craig Keener, Professor of
Biblical Studies at Asbury Theological Seminary, explains how crucial this understanding is, saying,
“Jesus reminds us that in the beginning God joined man and woman together. ‘One flesh’ often refers to
one's relatives or kin, so the husband and wife becoming ‘one flesh’ should be a family unit no less
permanent than our families of origin should be.”
“The biblical ideal is marriage as a lifelong union between a man and a woman, both of whom are Spirit-
filled disciples of Christ (Ephesians 5:18),” affirms Dr. Andreas Köstenberger, Senior Research Professor
of New Testament and Biblical Theology at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He emphasizes
that “marriage illustrates the principle of two becoming one, [a principle] which is also present in the
spiritual union between Christ and the church (head and body; Ephesians 5:32).”
Dr. Beth Felker Jones, Associate Professor of Theology at Wheaton College, adds,
Marriage, created by God as a “one flesh” union, is meant to be a sign of God's
unbreakable covenant with us. This is an important symbol throughout the Scriptures:
God is compared to a husband and God's people to a wife. When, by the grace of God,
we're able to keep a marriage together, we get to be symbols—imperfect symbols, but
still symbols—of God's faithfulness to his people. Marriages are supposed to last
because they are symbols of God's lasting love for us.
Explicit Divorce Allowances
The Bible only explicitly allows divorce for two reasons. Köstenberger, who is also the President
of Biblical Foundations, summarizes: “Jesus proceeded to state one exception in which case divorce is
permissible: sexual immorality on [the] part of one’s spouse, that is, in context, adultery (Matthew 19:9).”
Köstenberger clarifies, “In such a case, however, divorce is not mandated or even encouraged—
forgiveness and reconciliation should be extended and pursued if at all possible. But divorce is allowed,
especially in cases where the sinning spouse persists in an adulterous relationship.”
Köstenberger goes on to note, “Paul adds a second exception, in instances where an unbelieving spouse
abandons the marriage. This would typically be the case when one of the two partners is converted to
Christ at some point after marrying and the other person refuses to continue in the marriage” (see 1
Corinthians 7).
Man created divorce
However you interpret these passages, one thing is clear: God never ordained or created the institution of
divorce. Man did.
Beyond that, the generally accepted interpretation among a majority in the conservative evangelical
community is that these passages indicate there are a couple of circumstances in which God releases a
couple from the lifelong covenant of marriage:
• In the case of consistent, unrepentant immorality.
• When an unbelieving spouse deserts a believer.
Most pastors and Christian leaders will discourage divorce even in these situations but ultimately will not
discourage it when all other options have been considered. This is the position held by FamilyLife.
The minority interpretation among evangelical Christians holds that the only exception for divorce is
death. A key verse in is Matthew 19:8 where Jesus says to the Pharisees, “Because of your hardness of
heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.” In
addition, Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7:24, “Each man must remain in that condition in which he was
called….Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be released.”
Clearly, this is a difficult, thorny issue, around which there is much debate. But both sides on this debate
would agree that most couples seeking a divorce today do so for unbiblical reasons. They cite reasons
such as poor communication, incompatibility, financial problems, lack of commitment to the relationship,
changes in priorities. In short, when marriage isn’t working, the common solution is to get out.
If you are considering divorce
During my years of ministry I’ve seen story after story of couples deciding to trust God for a reconciliation.
Many have been on the verge of obtaining a divorce—even for reasons we might consider biblical—yet
have decided instead to allow God to work in their relationship.
In our culture, which emphasizes meeting individual needs no matter the cost (so as to gain pleasure and
avoid pain), I believe we need to challenge Christians to be open to trusting God’s plan to come to pass in
their marriage. Remember, God’s plan is to redeem. And very few spouses who consider divorce have
done everything they can to salvage their marriage.
At this point, some of you might be saying, “Dennis, you just don’t understand my mate and my situation.”
And you’re right, I don’t. However, given the seriousness of this subject, let me clearly say a few things
here.
First, you need someone who is willing and able to walk with you during this time. Someone who
will not just sympathize with you, but will also hold you accountable to look at the biblical issues and do
what is right. I believe that if at all possible, the best person to do this is your pastor. Another person
might be a counselor trained to use the Bible.
Second, you need the church of Jesus Christ surrounding you. Be very careful you don’t pull away
from the church. Each part of the body needs the other. Make it clear to others in your church you don’t
want to be left alone. You need their love, encouragement and good counsel. The last thing you need to
do is make any decisions about your marriage in a vacuum.
Third, you need to seek God in His Word and cry out to Him to know His ways and His heart for
what you should do and how you should respond to your spouse. If you are looking to legitimize
your reasons for divorce … slow down, even stop. Notice how much of Scripture is given to God’s
messages of forgiveness, reconciliation, peace, understanding, and patience.
Wait for God to work
How much value will you place on the vows you spoke to your spouse before the face of your God?
When you consider how much God values a covenant, what are the obligations of your marriage
covenant before Him?
Will you be patient to wait for God to work in your marriage in a way you have not considered? Will you
look to Him to give you the wisdom, the resources, the encouragement you need to do above and beyond
what you ever could imagine or think?
Ask God to show you what you can do to rebuild your marriage. Remember, God specializes in
redeeming the unredeemable. It is His preeminent desire for your marriage.
In closing, I’d like to challenge you to begin to pray together for 30 days as a couple that God will restore
your marriage? That He will be the Builder of your home and that He will bring healing to your
relationship. Ask Him for a miracle. Then join us at one of our Weekend to Remember marriage
getaways so that you can be equipped with the biblical blueprints for your marriage and family. You
will never regret that you prayed and then joined us for a life-changing weekend.
© 2013 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.
Related Content
REALITIES OF DIVORCE
What Does the Bible Say About Divorce? When Is It Allowed?
REAL FAMILYLIFE®
Give to Others
with Dennis Rainey July 26, 2021
You give something valuable to your child when you teach him to give to others.
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