Body language

Body language refers to the nonverbal signals that we use to

communicate. According to experts, these nonverbal signals make up a
huge part of daily communication.

From our facial expressions to our body movements, the things

we don't say can still convey volumes of information.1

It has been suggested that body language may account for between 60 to
65% of all communication.2

Understanding body language is important, but it is also essential to pay

attention to other cues such as context. In many cases, you should look
at signals as a group rather than focusing on a single action.

Here's what to look for when you're trying to interpret body language.

Facial Expressions

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Think for a moment about how much a person is able to convey with just
a facial expression. A smile can indicate approval or happiness. A frown
can signal disapproval or unhappiness.

In some cases, our facial expressions may reveal our true feelings about a
particular situation. While you say that you are feeling fine, the look on
your face may tell people otherwise.

Just a few examples of emotions that can be expressed via facial

expressions include:

 Happiness
 Sadness
 Anger
 Surprise
 Disgust
 Fear
 Confusion
 Excitement
 Desire
 Contempt
The expression on a person's face can even help determine if we trust or
believe what the individual is saying.

One study found that the most trustworthy facial expression involved a
slight raise of the eyebrows and a slight smile. This expression, the
researchers suggested, conveys both friendliness and confidence. 3

Facial expressions are also among the most universal forms of body
language. The expressions used to convey fear, anger, sadness, and
happiness are similar throughout the world.

Researcher Paul Ekman has found support for the universality of a variety
of facial expressions tied to particular emotions including joy, anger, fear,
surprise, and sadness.4

Research even suggests that we make judgments about people's

intelligence based upon their faces and expressions.

One study found that individuals who had narrower faces and more
prominent noses were more likely to be perceived as intelligent. People
with smiling, joyful expression were also judged as being more intelligent
than those with angry expressions.5

The Eyes

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The eyes are frequently referred to as the "windows to the soul" since
they are capable of revealing a great deal about what a person is feeling
or thinking.

As you engage in conversation with another person, taking note of eye

movements is a natural and important part of the communication process.

Some common things you may notice include whether people are making
direct eye contact or averting their gaze, how much they are blinking, or
if their pupils are dilated.

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the following eye

signals.

Eye Gaze
When a person looks directly into your eyes while having a conversation,
it indicates that they are interested and paying attention. However,
prolonged eye contact can feel threatening.

On the other hand, breaking eye contact and frequently looking away
might indicate that the person is distracted, uncomfortable, or trying to
conceal his or her real feelings.6

Blinking
Blinking is natural, but you should also pay attention to whether a person
is blinking too much or too little.

People often blink more rapidly when they are feeling distressed or
uncomfortable. Infrequent blinking may indicate that a person is
intentionally trying to control his or her eye movements. 7

For example, a poker player might blink less frequently because he is

purposely trying to appear unexcited about the hand he was dealt.

Pupil Size
Pupil size can be a very subtle nonverbal communication signal. While
light levels in the environment control pupil dilation, sometimes emotions
can also cause small changes in pupil size.

For example, you may have heard the phrase "bedroom eyes" used to
describe the look someone gives when they are attracted to another
person. Highly dilated eyes, for example, can indicate that a person is
interested or even aroused.8 
The Mouth

© Verywell, 2017

Mouth expressions and movements can also be essential in reading body

language. For example, chewing on the bottom lip may indicate that the
individual is experiencing feelings of worry, fear, or insecurity.

Covering the mouth may be an effort to be polite if the person is yawning

or coughing, but it may also be an attempt to cover up a frown of
disapproval.

Smiling is perhaps one of the greatest body language signals, but smiles
can also be interpreted in many ways.

A smile may be genuine, or it may be used to express false happiness,

sarcasm, or even cynicism.9

When evaluating body language, pay attention to the following mouth and
lip signals:

 Pursed lips. Tightening the lips might be an indicator of distaste,

disapproval, or distrust.
 Lip biting. People sometimes bite their lips when they are worried,
anxious, or stressed.
 Covering the mouth. When people want to hide an emotional
reaction, they might cover their mouths in order to avoid displaying
smiles or smirks.
 Turned up or down. Slight changes in the mouth can also be
subtle indicators of what a person is feeling. When the mouth is
slightly turned up, it might mean that the person is feeling happy or
optimistic. On the other hand, a slightly down-turned mouth can be
an indicator of sadness, disapproval, or even an outright grimace.

Gestures

© Verywell, 2017

Gestures can be some of the most direct and obvious body language
signals. Waving, pointing, and using the fingers to indicate numerical
amounts are all very common and easy to understand gestures.
Some gestures may be cultural, however, so giving a thumbs-up or a
peace sign in another country might have a completely different meaning
than it does in the United States.

The following examples are just a few common gestures and their
possible meanings:

 A clenched fist can indicate anger in some situations or solidarity

in others.
 A thumbs up and thumbs down are often used as gestures of
approval and disapproval.10
 The "okay" gesture, made by touching together the thumb and
index finger in a circle while extending the other three fingers can
be used to mean "okay" or "all right."10 In some parts of Europe,
however, the same signal is used to imply you are nothing. In some
South American countries, the symbol is actually a vulgar gesture.
 The V sign, created by lifting the index and middle finger and
separating them to create a V-shape, means peace or victory in
some countries. In the United Kingdom and Australia, the symbol
takes on an offensive meaning when the back of the hand is facing
outward.

The Arms and Legs

© Verywell, 2017

The arms and legs can also be useful in conveying nonverbal information.
Crossing the arms can indicate defensiveness. Crossing legs away from
another person may indicate dislike or discomfort with that individual.

Other subtle signals such as expanding the arms widely may be an

attempt to seem larger or more commanding while keeping the arms
close to the body may be an effort to minimize oneself or withdraw from
attention.

When you are evaluating body language, pay attention to some of the
following signals that the arms and legs may convey: 2

 Crossed arms might indicate that a person feels defensive, self-

protective, or closed-off.2
 Standing with hands placed on the hips can be an indication
that a person is ready and in control, or it can also possibly be a
sign of aggressiveness.
 Clasping the hands behind the back might indicate that a person
is feeling bored, anxious, or even angry.
  Rapidly tapping fingers or fidgeting can be a sign that a person
is bored, impatient, or frustrated.
 Crossed legs can indicate that a person is feeling closed off or in
need of privacy. 

Posture

© Verywell, 2017

How we hold our bodies can also serve as an important part of body
language.

The term posture refers to how we hold our bodies as well as the overall

physical form of an individual.

Posture can convey a wealth of information about how a person is feeling

as well as hints about personality characteristics, such as whether a
person is confident, open, or submissive.

Sitting up straight, for example, may indicate that a person is focused and
paying attention to what's going on. Sitting with the body hunched
forward, on the other hand, can imply that the person is bored or
indifferent.

When you are trying to read body language, try to notice some of the
signals that a person's posture can send.

 Open posture involves keeping the trunk of the body open and

exposed. This type of posture indicates friendliness, openness, and
willingness.11
 Closed posture involves hiding the trunk of the body often by
hunching forward and keeping the arms and legs crossed. This type
of posture can be an indicator of hostility, unfriendliness,
and anxiety.11

Personal Space

© Verywell, 2017

Have you ever heard someone refer to their need for personal space?
Have you ever started to feel uncomfortable when someone stands just a
little too close to you?
The term proxemics, coined by anthropologist Edward T. Hall, refers to
the distance between people as they interact. Just as body movements
and facial expressions can communicate a great deal of nonverbal
information, so can the physical space between individuals.

Hall described four levels of social distance that occur in different

situations.

Intimate Distance: 6 to 18 inches 

This level of physical distance often indicates a closer relationship or
greater comfort between individuals. It usually occurs during intimate
contact such as hugging, whispering, or touching.

Personal Distance: 1.5 to 4 feet

Physical distance at this level usually occurs between people who are
family members or close friends. The closer the people can comfortably
stand while interacting can be an indicator of the level of intimacy in their
relationship.

Social Distance: 4 to 12 feet.

This level of physical distance is often used with individuals who are
acquaintances.

With someone you know fairly well, such as a co-worker you see several
times a week, you might feel more comfortable interacting at a closer
distance.

In cases where you do not know the other person well, such as a postal
delivery driver you only see once a month, a distance of 10 to 12 feet
may feel more comfortable.

Public Distance: 12 to 25 feet

Physical distance at this level is often used in public speaking situations.
Talking in front of a class full of students or giving a presentation at work
are good examples of such situations.

It is also important to note that the level of personal distance that

individuals need to feel comfortable can vary from culture to culture.

One oft-cited example is the difference between people from Latin

cultures and those from North America. People from Latin countries tend
to feel more comfortable standing closer to one another as they interact
while those from North America need more personal distance.

5 Ways to Read Positive Body Language

Being able to recognize positive body language helps you see when someone is comfortable
and engaged in your conversation. Here are five examples of positive body language cues to
look out for:

1. Note sufficient eye contact. While both avoiding eye contact and giving too much
eye contact can have negative implications, if someone maintains sufficient eye
contact with you for a handful of seconds at a time, it shows they have a sincere
interest in speaking with you.
2. Recognize good posture. When someone sits or stands in an upright, erect posture
and maximizes the amount of physical space their whole body fills, it conveys power
and authority and likely means they are eager to engage in conversation.
3. Notice firm handshakes. When someone shakes your hand and the grip is
appropriately firm, it means they’re attempting to convey a sense of poise and
confidence. On the other hand, a weak handshake can signal nervousness and an
overly strong handshake can signal intentional aggression.
4. Watch for genuine smiles. Anyone can force a fake smile to hide negative feelings,
but luckily there’s a way to spot if a person is truly happy when smiling: A real smile
will crinkle the skin in the corner of their eyes, creating a crow’s feet pattern. If
you’re able to spot this, you’ll know the other person is enjoying talking with you.
5. Pay attention when someone stands close to you. If a person sits or stands in close
proximity to you, the personal distance is a good indicator that they’re comfortable
around you.
Learning to read others’ positive body language cues is a useful skill, but don’t forget you
can also use these cues yourself to reinforce your own words and create a positive
impression.

5 Ways to Read Negative Body Language

Being able to quickly identify negative body language cues can
help you avoid uncomfortable confrontations and even turn bad
conversations into good ones. Here are five examples of negative
non-verbal mannerisms to look out for:

1. Notice when there’s too much eye contact. People often avoid
direct eye contact when lying, liars frequently try to offset this
by holding eye contact for too long. If you notice someone
maintaining excessive eye contact with you, there’s a chance
they’re not being truthful.
 2. Pay attention to crossed arms or legs. Even if someone is
giving you a positive verbal message, crossing their arms or
legs means they may be disinterested in what you’re saying.
3. Watch for excessive nodding. Too much head nodding can
have a couple of different meanings: Either the person you’re
speaking to wants you to stop talking and give them a turn to
speak, or it could also mean they lack confidence around you
and are nervous about how you perceive them.
4. Notice furrowed brows. This microexpression, recognized by
wrinkles in the forehead and the eyebrows moving closer
together, is a sign that someone is experiencing negative
feelings like confusion or uneasiness.
5. Keep an eye out for fidgeting. If someone is making lots of
small, nervous hand movements or is mindlessly fooling
around with their clothing or nearby objects, it likely means
they are disinterested in what they are hearing.

What is body language?

While the key to success in both personal and professional relationships lies
in your ability to communicate well, it’s not the words that you use but your
nonverbal cues or “body language” that speak the loudest. Body language is
the use of physical behavior, expressions, and mannerisms to communicate
nonverbally, often done instinctively rather than consciously.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, when you interact with others, you’re
continuously giving and receiving wordless signals. All of your nonverbal
behaviors—the gestures you make, your posture, your tone of voice, how
much eye contact you make—send strong messages. They can put people at
ease, build trust, and draw others towards you, or they can offend, confuse,
and undermine what you’re trying to convey. These messages don’t stop
when you stop speaking either. Even when you’re silent, you’re still
communicating nonverbally.

In some instances, what comes out of your mouth and what you communicate
through your body language may be two totally different things. If you say one
thing, but your body language says something else, your listener will likely feel
that you’re being dishonest. If you say “yes” while shaking your head no, for
example. When faced with such mixed signals, the listener has to choose
whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message. Since body language is
a natural, unconscious language that broadcasts your true feelings and
intentions, they’ll likely choose the nonverbal message.

[Read: Effective Communication]

However, by improving how you understand and use nonverbal
communication, you can express what you really mean, connect better with
others, and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.

The importance of nonverbal communication

Your nonverbal communication cues—the way you listen, look, move, and
react—tell the person you’re communicating with whether or not you care, if
you’re being truthful, and how well you’re listening. When your nonverbal
signals match up with the words you’re saying, they increase trust, clarity, and
rapport. When they don’t, they can generate tension, mistrust, and confusion.

If you want to become a better communicator, it’s important to become more

sensitive not only to the body language and nonverbal cues of others, but also
to your own.

Nonverbal communication can play five roles:

 Repetition: It repeats and often strengthens the message you’re
making verbally.

 Contradiction: It can contradict the message you’re trying to convey,

thus indicating to your listener that you may not be telling the truth.

 Substitution: It can substitute for a verbal message. For example,

your facial expression often conveys a far more vivid message than
words ever can.

 Complementing: It may add to or complement your verbal message.

As a boss, if you pat an employee on the back in addition to giving
praise, it can increase the impact of your message.

 Accenting: It may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding

the table, for example, can underline the importance of your
message.

Source: The Importance of Effective Communication, Edward G. Wertheim,

Ph.D.

Types of nonverbal communication

The many different types of nonverbal communication or body language
include:

Facial expressions. The human face is extremely expressive, able to convey

countless emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of
nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial
expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the
same across cultures.

Body movement and posture. Consider how your perceptions of people are

affected by the way they sit, walk, stand, or hold their head. The way you
move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world.
This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance,
and the subtle movements you make.

Gestures. Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. You may
wave, point, beckon, or use your hands when arguing or speaking animatedly,
often expressing yourself with gestures without thinking. However, the
meaning of some gestures can be very different across cultures. While the
“OK” sign made with the hand, for example, usually conveys a positive
message in English-speaking countries, it’s considered offensive in countries
such as Germany, Russia, and Brazil. So, it’s important to be careful of how
you use gestures to avoid misinterpretation.

Eye contact. Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact
is an especially important type of nonverbal communication. The way you look
at someone can communicate many things, including interest, affection,
hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of
conversation and for gauging the other person’s interest and response.

Touch. We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the very
different messages given by a weak handshake, a warm bear hug, a
patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on the arm, for example.

Space. Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the

other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all have a
need for physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture,
the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical
space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals
of intimacy and affection, aggression or dominance.

Voice. It’s not just what you say, it’s how you say it. When you speak, other
people “read” your voice in addition to listening to your words. Things they pay
attention to include your timing and pace, how loud you speak, your tone and
inflection, and sounds that convey understanding, such as “ahh” and “uh-huh.”
Think about how your tone of voice can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or
confidence.

Can nonverbal communication be faked?

There are many books and websites that offer advice on how to use body
language to your advantage. For example, they may instruct you on how to sit
a certain way, steeple your fingers, or shake hands in order to appear
confident or assert dominance. But the truth is that such tricks aren’t likely to
work (unless you truly feel confident and in charge). That’s because you can’t
control all of the signals you’re constantly sending about what you’re really
thinking and feeling. And the harder you try, the more unnatural your signals
are likely to come across.

However, that doesn’t mean that you have no control over your nonverbal
cues. For example, if you disagree with or dislike what someone’s saying, you
may use negative body language to rebuff the person’s message, such as
crossing your arms, avoiding eye contact, or tapping your feet. You don’t have
to agree, or even like what’s being said, but to communicate effectively and
not put the other person on the defensive, you can make a conscious effort to
avoid sending negative signals—by maintaining an open stance and truly
attempting to understand what they’re saying, and why.

How nonverbal communication can go wrong

What you communicate through your body language and nonverbal signals
affects how others see you, how well they like and respect you, and whether
or not they trust you. Unfortunately, many people send confusing or negative
nonverbal signals without even knowing it. When this happens, both
connection and trust in relationships are damaged, as the following examples
highlight:

Jack
believes he gets along great with his colleagues at work, but if you were to ask
any of them, they would say that Jack is “intimidating” and “very intense.”
Rather than just look at you, he seems to devour you with his eyes. And if he
takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack
is a caring guy who secretly wishes he had more friends, but his nonverbal
awkwardness keeps people at a distance and limits his ability to advance at
work.

Arlene
is attractive and has no problem meeting eligible men, but she has a difficult
time maintaining a relationship for longer than a few months. Arlene is funny
and interesting, but even though she constantly laughs and smiles, she
radiates tension. Her shoulders and eyebrows are noticeably raised, her voice
is shrill, and her body is stiff. Being around Arlene makes many people feel
anxious and uncomfortable. Arlene has a lot going for her that is undercut by
the discomfort she evokes in others.
 Ted
thought he had found the perfect match when he met Sharon, but Sharon
wasn’t so sure. Ted is good looking, hardworking, and a smooth talker, but
seemed to care more about his thoughts than Sharon’s. When Sharon had
something to say, Ted was always ready with wild eyes and a rebuttal before
she could finish her thought. This made Sharon feel ignored, and soon she
started dating other men. Ted loses out at work for the same reason. His
inability to listen to others makes him unpopular with many of the people he
most admires.

These smart, well-intentioned people struggle in their attempt to connect with

others. The sad thing is that they are unaware of the nonverbal messages
they communicate.

[Read: Tips for Building a Healthy Relationship]

If you want to communicate effectively, avoid misunderstandings, and enjoy

solid, trusting relationships both socially and professionally, it’s important to
understand how to use and interpret body language and improve your
nonverbal communication skills.

How to improve nonverbal communication

Nonverbal communication is a rapidly flowing back-and-forth process that
requires your full focus on the moment-to-moment experience. If you’re
planning what you’re going to say next, checking your phone, or thinking
about something else, you’re almost certain to miss nonverbal cues and not
fully understand the subtleties of what’s being communicated. As well as
being fully present, you can improve how you communicate nonverbally by
learning to manage stress and developing your emotional awareness.

Learn to manage stress in the moment

Stress compromises your ability to communicate. When you’re stressed out,

you’re more likely to misread other people, send confusing or off-putting
nonverbal signals, and lapse into unhealthy knee-jerk patterns of behavior.
And remember: emotions are contagious. If you are upset, it is very likely to
make others upset, thus making a bad situation worse.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, take a time out. Take a moment to

calm down before you jump back into the conversation. Once you’ve regained
your emotional equilibrium, you’ll feel better equipped to deal with the situation
in a positive way.
The fastest and surest way to calm yourself and manage stress in the moment
is to employ your senses—what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch—or
through a soothing movement. By viewing a photo of your child or pet,
smelling a favorite scent, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a
stress ball, for example, you can quickly relax and refocus. Since everyone
responds differently, you may need to experiment to find the sensory
experience that works best for you.

Develop your emotional awareness

In order to send accurate nonverbal cues, you need to be aware of your

emotions and how they influence you. You also need to be able to recognize
the emotions of others and the true feelings behind the cues they are sending.
This is where emotional awareness comes in.

[Read: Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)]

Being emotionally aware enables you to:

 Accurately read other people, including the emotions they’re feeling

and the unspoken messages they’re sending.

 Create trust in relationships by sending nonverbal signals that match

up with your words.

 Respond in ways that show others that you understand and care.

Many of us are disconnected from our emotions—especially strong emotions

such as anger, sadness, fear—because we’ve been taught to try to shut off
our feelings. But while you can deny or numb your feelings, you can’t
eliminate them. They’re still there and they’re still affecting your behavior. By
developing your emotional awareness and connecting with even the
unpleasant emotions, though, you’ll gain greater control over how you think
and act. To start developing your emotional awareness, practice the
mindfulness meditation in HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

How to read body language

Once you’ve developed your abilities to manage stress and recognize
emotions, you’ll start to become better at reading the nonverbal signals sent
by others. It’s also important to:

Pay attention to inconsistencies. Nonverbal communication should

reinforce what is being said. Is the person saying one thing, but their body
language conveying something else? For example, are they telling you “yes”
while shaking their head no?
Look at nonverbal communication signals as a group. Don’t read too
much into a single gesture or nonverbal cue. Consider all of the nonverbal
signals you are receiving, from eye contact to tone of voice and body
language. Taken together, are their nonverbal cues consistent—or
inconsistent—with what their words are saying?

Trust your instincts. Don’t dismiss your gut feelings. If you get the sense that
someone isn’t being honest or that something isn’t adding up, you may be
picking up on a mismatch between verbal and nonverbal cues.

Evaluating nonverbal signals

Eye contact – Is the person making eye contact? If so, is it overly intense or
just right?

Facial expression – What is their face showing? Is it masklike and

unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest?

Tone of voice – Does the person’s voice project warmth, confidence, and
interest, or is it strained and blocked?

Posture and gesture – Is their body relaxed or stiff and immobile? Are their
shoulders tense and raised, or relaxed?

Touch – Is there any physical contact? Is it appropriate to the situation? Does

it make you feel uncomfortable?

Intensity – Does the person seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top
and melodramatic?

Timing and place – Is there an easy flow of information back and forth? Do
nonverbal responses come too quickly or too slowly?

Sounds – Do you hear sounds that indicate interest, caring or concern from
the person?