I’ve always dreamed of being a hero. I’ve tried everything to become super.
I let a spider bite me…
no spider powers; just lots of itching. I tried standing too close to the microwave oven hoping the
radiation would change me. Nothing. And I got in trouble for making so many bags of popcorn. But I
took it all to school and had a popcorn party. I was a hero that day. So I guess it kind a worked.
I love being a hero. I love helping people. I love making them happy. And I hate bad guys. I hate
creeps who hurt people.
There’s this kid at school… he is always hurting everyone. I am sick of him hurting us. I just need
those super powers. I need something that will make him stop!
Maybe if I eat more of the school lunches. They look radioactive. If I get enough green hotdogs and
brown ketchup in me… something is bound to happen.
And I need a catch phrase like “gonna smoosh me a baddie”… and a cool costume… actually last
time I was in the bathroom, I saw the perfect superhero name. Protecto! Instead of a telephone
booth like superman, I could use a bathroom stall and those Protecto seat covers could be a cape…
and make a toilet paper mask. Nothing scares bad guys more than bathroom stuff. Or maybe it will
really make them want to give me a swirly. I better rethink this.
CRITERIA FOR SCORING:
Gestures, facial expression, body movement – 20
Costume – 10
Title: “Cat Lady”
Gender: Female
Genre: Comedic
Description: A wife tells her husband about a stray cat she’s taken in.
I should probably tell you now, before you notice it. And I need to point out that in no way did I
encourage this. I was just minding my own business. And there’s no way I’m going to get rid of it
today (under breath) or maybe ever. What? Nothing. What I mean to say is that I will do my best to
find her a home as soon as possible. (Reacting to yelling.) I know! I know, but it’s not my fault. I was
out in the garage taking off my boots, and she just wandered in. So skinny. And she was meowing
like she was hungry, so I just gave her a tiny bit of food. You should have seen how fast she ate it up!
So, I might have given her a little more. She doesn’t have a collar, and honestly, I don’t think she
belongs to anybody. But I will look online and see if someone is missing an adorable little black and
white cat. Oh, oh, here she comes. Look at how friendly she is! Martin, I’ve never seen a cat so
friendly. I know, I know. We aren’t going to keep her. Just pick her up, will you? She loves being held.
So unusual for a cat…I said, I know that we aren’t going to keep her…of course, I realize that we
already have sixteen cats. But she’s so cute…and really…(flirting) what’s one more?
Title: “Selfish Samaritan”
Gender: Any
Genre: Dramatic
Description: A conceited high school girl who volunteers to visit a disabled boy, is called out
for actually being selfish and egotistical.
Yeah, we’ve all heard it, Penelope. How great you are for helping out that disabled boy. Give it a rest.
Honestly, I don’t think you’re doing it for him; you’re doing it for yourself. You must feel such a thrill,
having him watch you like you’re some kind of savior. I’d guess you like to feel that way; some kind of
all holy, selfless being. But in my opinion, you’re the most selfish person I know. You walk around
thinking you are a one of a kind, holy mastermind. Plenty of people volunteer, and the good ones, the
really good ones don’t yak on and on about it. You like to believe that people think you’re a little miss
pink perfect cake pop doll, but you’re not that. Hard to hear ain’t it. That you mean far less than little
to someone, someone who doesn’t kiss the earth below you. He doesn’t need you. You could die
today and he’d still breathe the same, suffer the same. You aren’t his medication, so stop acting like
some prized jewel that can’t shatter to the ground. Test me one more time Penelope. You’ll see, one
day, you’ll be nothing more than another grain of sand in the ocean of nobodies.
Title: “Struck by Lightning”
Genre: Dramatic
Description: A teen recounts his/her experience of being hit by lightning.
No, it’s not a tattoo, it’s a scar. It’s lightning….yes, I’m serious…. well, it’s hard to describe, but I’ll do
my best. It was summer. Not like tonight. It was one of those summer nights when rage-filled clouds
obscured the sky and the night birds and the cicadas were silent. I had gone outside to bring my
bicycle in before it rained. In the distance, I could hear the familiar hush of the ocean. Shhhhhh. And
everything else was quiet. I grabbed the handlebars of my bike, and then came the roar. A clap of
thunder so loud it shook the very ground beneath my feet. What happened next felt instant and slow
motion all at once. I had barely moved my bike, when the BOOM came. A white-hot flash far away
and everywhere, and my body in the air and then nothing. And then lying on the grass, my body like
lead, my head splitting with pain, and the sweet, overpowering fragrance of grass. My mother was
screaming over me, but she sounded far away. In the hospital, they told me that I had been struck by
lightning. My mother had seen it from the kitchen window. Lightning broke the sky outside and
traveled along the ground and through my bicycle. I was lucky. They call it ‘fractal.’ A few more feet
and I would have died. I still have headaches, and I cannot hear in my left ear. And this scar? At first
it was blisters. A white-hot searing that bled and pussed and crusted over. And now it’s this. This
beautiful pattern like a willow branch. Forever trying to reach the ground, and not quite making it. It
will never go away. And to be honest, I don’t want it to. My eyes are open now…to the richness…and
also the impermanence of life. I am here. With you. On this warm summer evening. The night birds
are singing and the cicadas are humming along. (Looks down at arm.) It’s a wonderful scar, don’t you
think?
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 15
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 15
Delivery – 10
Stage presence or performance – 10
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “English Class”
Genre: Comedic
Description: A frustrated teacher deals with a rowdy class.
Alright class! Listen up! Because of last weeks’ “events,” we are going to try this again. Everyone get
out your pencils. And no throwing them this time! Jane, put that cell phone away! I will not hesitate to
take it! Shawn, stop trying to light Cindy’s hair on fire! There is barely any left from last time! Jason!
Don’t you dare throw that chair out the window! Jaaasssooon… Jason! Ugh! you guys are worse
today than yesterday, and now I have to replace that window! I am calling the principal! (picks up
phone) Hello Mr. Sanchez? We need you in the fifth-grade classroom. What do you mean you are
busy? There’s no way those kindergartners are worse than these kids. oh…oh… They did that? Oh
well, I hope Mrs. Smith recovers. Those kindergartners should be ashamed for doing that to her. Well,
stay safe, and I hope the pencil wound in your arm heals. (hangs up) Okay class, new test! We are
going to see how good you are at finding a new teacher because I quit! I am going to be a janitor! I
rather clean up other people’s messes than teach you! Adios!
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “Sorry I’m late!”
Gender: Any
Genre: Comedic
Description: An employee explains why they were late to work.
I know I’m late for work, but you would not believe the morning I’ve had! Last night, I put all my
clothes into the washer and dryer since most of them were dirty. To my surprise, they were all
shrunken about three sizes after taking them out of the dryer! I only had my pajamas I slept in, so I
wore them, as you can see. Then, when I went outside to get into my car, my car door wouldn’t open.
I put my hands onto the freezing car window and saw that my keys were inside of the car! I had no
choice but to walk to work. As I walked down the street, I heard something come from a nearby
alleyway. Out of curiosity, I went to see what it was. Let me tell ya, big mistake. There were about ten,
no, about twenty ferocious street cats staring me down. I slowly backed away, but it was too late.
They chased me down the alley. About five jumped onto me and attacked me. This is why there are a
ton of scratches on my body. See? By some miracle, I was able to escape. I thought to myself, how
can this morning get any worse? Trust me, it did. I was a block away from the work office when I went
to the coffee shop right around the corner and got some hot coffee. I realized that I was about to be
late for work. I hurried to get out of the shop, and of course, I tripped and spilled the coffee all over
the place. My work bag, my pajamas, my shoes, were soaked! I tried to wash off as much as I could
in the bathroom, but it’s still there, as you can see. So, that’s why I’m late. I’ll try not to let it happen
again. What? It’s daylight savings time? Oh, I’m an hour early? Oh, then never-mind.
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “The Test”
Gender: Any
Genre: Comedic
Description: A student panics while taking a test.
The white clock on the wall is mocking me. Counting down the minutes until I fail this test. It makes no
sense. Hey, why aren’t there any posters hung up in Ms. Daniel’s room? I never noticed that before. I
need something to take my mind off this paper. This paper that will destroy my GPA. Oh my god…I’m
grinding my teeth. I never grind my teeth. Wow. Look how interesting this pencil looks when I twirl it.
Why is the second hand on that clock moving so slowly? And how is everyone else still working on
this test? I can’t make sense of it. I read the novel, but this question doesn’t make any sense. Look at
Hanna. Furiously scribbling. I hate her. She knows the answers to everything. Ms. Daniels is reading
a book. Really? At a time like this, she is just sitting there reading? She’s mean. Whoa. There’s the
bell. My paper is still blank. I think I’m going to have a heart attack. Great. Everyone’s getting ready to
go. I’d better turn in my paper. But really, what’s the point? It’s blank. I guess I’ll just turn it in. Wait,
what? Ms. Daniels is going to grade our papers right now? How can she do that? I think I’m going to
turn to stone. She’s making everyone sit back down. Why is she shuffling through the papers so fast?
Wait, she stopped on one. I think it’s mine. Here we go. My heart’s pounding through my chest. She’s
going to announce to everyone that I’ve failed. Wait, what? I am the only one who passed? It was a
test to see if we could read directions, and it said not to write anything down? Ha! Take that, Hannah!
Take that, clock!
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “Every Flavor of the Rainbow”
Genre: Comedic
Description: An ice cream flavor is having an identity crisis.
Hi, I’m Neapolitan. (Smirks at audience, winking flirtatiously.) I come from a mixed family, my mom’s
like half cherry, dad’s rocky road. It makes me a whole lot of chunky, with a side of smooth. (Looks
around, pause.) What was I talking about… Oh yeah, people ask what my biggest flaw is… I guess
I’m just too strong. They just can’t take all this flavor, you know? (Gestures to entire body. Pauses.)
It’s hard for me, you know? (Tone switches, slightly hesitant.) I have no idea who I am. My one aunt is
certain I’m Vanilla, my uncle thinks I’m chocolate. But I’m strawberry too right? In the freezer section,
the flavors pretty much stick to their own kind. Vanilla with Vanilla and Chocolate with Chocolate.
They never accept me the way I am. That’s okay, though. I’m going to be myself even if they don’t
accept me. I’ll scoop out my own sorta life. Maybe I’ll travel the kitchen, see the counter… visit the
tower of pizza. We all need to accept who we are, like that Miss Strawberry chic. She’s natural, and I
respect that. Even if she stalks me day and night. It’s kinda’ creepy… I can’t even re-freeze without
being sure she’s not looking. But hey, at least she’s not one of those dairy-free flavors. I don’t buy
that for a second.
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “Dog Ate My Homewok”
Gender: Either
Genre: Dramatic
Description: A student tells his (or her) teacher the truth about a missing homework
assignment.
I’m sorry. I don’t have my math homework, Mrs. Williams. I have a really good reason. You might
think I’m lying, but I’m not. Everybody thinks that when you dog eats your homework you are for sure
lying, and you just didn’t get it done, but what if your dog actually eats your homework? Then what do
you do? That’s what happened to my homework. Our tiny evil poodle ate it. We have to be careful in
our house because that poof-ball, who only likes my mother, eats everything, including gross stuff out
of the cat box. So, I got home and I set my homework on the table and I went to get some graham
crackers and milk. After that, my brother wanted to play hoops in the driveway and he never wants
me to play with him, so I did. When I got back inside, my homework was chewed up on the floor and
the Devil Dog was hiding under the sofa. So, that’s it. My real story about how my dog actually did eat
my homework.
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
Title: “I Hate Performing!”
Gender: Male or Female
Genre: Comedic
Description: A student describes their day at school.
(Pacing back and forth.) Oh, why did I even sign up for this class? I didn’t know we’d have to practice
auditioning. It’s not fair. Everybody will be looking at me, judging me. If I do one thing wrong
everybody is going to notice, and laugh at me, and I’m going to be so embarrassed. The lights will be
beaming in my eyes and my hands will start shaking like crazy. My throat will get really dry and I’ll
stutter like there’s no tomorrow. I’ll fidget and play with my hair. I’m so nervous, what if I suck? What if
I’m horrible? What if people start throwing things; or worse, tell everybody about my performance,
and how much I sucked. I’ll be embarrassed everywhere I go. I’ll have no escape. People are always
going to remember me as the person who couldn’t perform, the person who can’t ever talk in front of
a crowd. I don’t want to do this, I hate performing. If I was confident I could just stand on that stage
and nail it, but I’m not. I’m terrified, in fact I’m petrified. I would use any excuse in the book to not
have to perform. I know what you guys are all thinking, just pretend to be sick. Well, unfortunately I’ve
tried that already and they didn’t buy it. Use a doctor note, well I tried that one too, and as it turns out
I’m not very good at forging signatures. They didn’t even buy the dead pet excuse. You know what;
actually maybe I can do this. I’ve practiced for hours. I know all my words. All I’ve got to do is go up
there and perform it the way I know I can, the way I’ve rehearsed it dozens of times in the mirror, and
if I do that I’ll be fine. In fact, I’d be better than fine, I’ll be amazing. I just have to stay calm and
relaxed. And the point is just to have fun, right? I don’t have to be the best, I just need to do the best I
can. Alright, I can do this. I’m ready. Hey, I’m… I… I… I can’t do this. (Walks off-stage.)
Criteria for scoring:
Costume – 10
Facial expression, gestures and movement – 10
Delivery – 15
Stage presence or performance – 15
TOTAL – 50
TO BE PRESENTED ON NOVEMBER 29, 2019
