THINE OW
At the beginning, most of us found that TO N
RY
RE
E
we identified with several characteristics V
CO
O
SC
VE
DI
CoDA
RY
in each category. Some of us identified
most strongly with one or two categories. EC
T
SP
SE
© E
LF
As we attended meetings, read CoDA R
nt?
SE
LF B E T R U E
literature, and worked with our sponsors,
us
we were surprised to see other
This is CoDA Conference endorsed literature
characteristics show up in our lives.
nonymo
Copyright © 1989 Revised May, 2019
Second Edition All rights reserved.
depende
As we shared our stories, and listened to This publication may not be reproduced
or photocopied without written permission
others share, we began to recognize that
of Co-Dependents Anonymous, Inc.
the causes of our pain were due to long-
standing, unhealthy patterns of living. For more information about CoDA:
Patterns which began as a way to cope www.coda.org
[email protected]
with overwhelming childhood stress,
Phone: +1-602-277-7991
ndents A
abuse, and neglect. Toll Free: 888-444-2359
Spanish Toll Free: 888-444-2379
In CoDA, we learn we are not alone. We
For additional copies of this pamphlet
come to accept that our pain is a wake-
and other CoDA literature:
up call. A call to learn a new way to live www.corepublications.org
Am I Co
and thrive. We discover we are ready [email protected]
to change and grow as we work the
program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. MEETINGS:
Co-Depe
Find more information about CoDA:
• Welcome to Co-Dependents
Anonymous
• Attending Meetings
• What is CoDA?
• Newcomer Handbook
• Co-Dependents Anonymous
ITEM 4002
Many arrive at Co-Dependents Compliance Patterns Avoidance Patterns
Anonymous, CoDA, unsure if we belong.
Codependents often…. Codependents often…
Recovery begins with an honest self-
1. compromise their values and 1. act in ways that invite others to
assessment.
integrity to avoid rejection and other reject, shame, or express anger
people’s anger. toward them.
For self evaluation, we offer a list of
common attitudes and behavior patterns 2. are very sensitive to other’s feelings 2. judge harshly what others think,
that CoDA members have observed in our and assume the same feelings. say, or do.
own lives. 3. are extremely loyal, remaining in 3. avoid emotional, physical, or
harmful situations too long. sexual intimacy to avoid feeling
Denial Patterns
4. place a higher value on other’s vulnerable.
Codependents often… opinions and feelings and are afraid 4. allow addictions to people,
1. have difficulty identifying what they to express differing viewpoints or places, and things to distract
are feeling. feelings. them from achieving intimacy in
2. minimize, alter, or deny how they 5. put aside their own interests in relationships.
truly feel. order to do what others want. 5. use indirect or evasive
3. perceive themselves as completely 6. accept sex as a substitute for love. communication to avoid conflict
unselfish and dedicated to the or confrontation.
well-being of others. Control Patterns 6. believe displays of emotion are a
Codependents often… sign of weakness.
Low Self-esteem Patterns
1. believe people are incapable of Note: a longer list of patterns and
Codependents often…. taking care of themselves. characteristics is available in other pieces
1. have difficulty making decisions. 2. attempt to convince others what to of CoDA literature and online at coda.org
2. judge what they think, say, or do think, do, or feel.
harshly, as never good enough. 3. become resentful when others Am I Codependent?
3. are embarrassed to receive decline their help or reject their
advice. Personal crises or unbearable,
recognition, praise, or gifts. chronic, emotional pain brought many
4. are unable to identify or ask for 4. freely offer advice and direction of us to CoDA. We came to our first
what they need and want. without being asked. meeting feeling hopeless and helpless.
5. lavish gifts and favors on those they We wondered why our efforts to fix
5. value others’ approval of their
want to influence. ourselves and others were not working,
thinking, feelings, and behavior
no matter how hard we tried. We had
over their own. 6. use sex to gain approval and come to a crossroad: continue our old
6. do not perceive themselves as acceptance. ways of coping or look for a new way out
lovable or worthwhile persons. 7. have to feel needed in order to have of our pain.
a relationship with others.
