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Self Practice - 7 C'S of Communication: Rewrite The Following Sentences To Achieve Conciseness

The document provides examples of rewriting sentences to improve conciseness, remove gender bias, avoid repetition, and reduce unnecessary phrases like "there is/are" and "it is/was". Khadija Siddiqui provides revised versions of sentences that are more concise and direct, gender neutral, avoid repetitive words, and eliminate extra words like fillers. The examples cover a range of topics and contexts to demonstrate different techniques for improving clarity and brevity in writing.

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603 views

Self Practice - 7 C'S of Communication: Rewrite The Following Sentences To Achieve Conciseness

The document provides examples of rewriting sentences to improve conciseness, remove gender bias, avoid repetition, and reduce unnecessary phrases like "there is/are" and "it is/was". Khadija Siddiqui provides revised versions of sentences that are more concise and direct, gender neutral, avoid repetitive words, and eliminate extra words like fillers. The examples cover a range of topics and contexts to demonstrate different techniques for improving clarity and brevity in writing.

Uploaded by

khadija
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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Khadija Siddiqui (20201-27466)

SELF PRACTICE – 7 C’s OF COMMUNICATION

Rewrite the following sentences to achieve conciseness

1. We would like to offer congratulations to all the people who participated in


and completed the training program.

 We congratulate all the participants for completing the training program.

2. Basically, what the training program is going to do is prepare each and every
one of the participants for their certification test that they will take soon.

 The training program will prepare the participant for the certification of their
upcoming test.

3. Carlos speaks English fluently, and can also speak Portuguese at an


intermediate level, and in addition he is capable of conversing in German.

 Carlos is can speak English and German fluently. He also speaks Portuguese
at an intermediate level.
 Carlos is fluent in English, intermediary Portuguese and conversational
German.

4. We are now in the process of evaluating how to address the issue that exists
regarding the performance of our team members.

 We are now evaluating the issue to be addressed regarding the performance


of our team members.
 We are now processing the issue regarding the performance of our team
members.
 We are addressing the performance evaluation of our team members.

5. Could you recommend to us someone in the area who works as a contractor?


 Could you recommend us to a contractor?
 Could you recommend a local contractor?

Rewrite the following sentences to remove gender bias.

1. The female lawyer conceded that her client was no Mother Teresa
 The lawyer conceded that her client was no Mother Teresa.

2. The beginning student should spend his time becoming familiar with
primary rather than secondary texts, with classics rather than with books
about classics.

 The beginning student should spend their time becoming familiar with
primary rather than secondary texts, with classics rather than with books
about classics.

3. The shift from animal and muscle power to machine power was a major
achievement for man.
 The shift from manual to technical power was an important achievement for
humans.
 The shift from animal and muscle power to machine power was a major
achievement for humanity.
 The shift from animal and muscle power to machine power was a major
achievement for humankind.

4. Each laboratory assistant must perform the experiment at least once before
he teaches it to the class.
 Each laboratory assistant must perform the experiment at least once before
they teach it to the class.

5. My grandparents' days consist of waiting by the window for someone to


come up the walk--whether friend, mailman or salesman.
6. My grandparents' days consist of waiting by the window for someone to
come up the walk--whether friend, mail person or salesperson.

Rewrite the following sentences to avoid repetition

1. Because the proposals are exactly identical, we need not check each and
every item.
 Because the proposals are identical, we need not check each item.
2. All requests for iPods and Blackberrys were combined together in our
proposal.
 All requests for iPods and Blackberrys were combined in our proposals.

3. The office walls were painted beige in colour.


 The office walls were Beige.
4. Our supervisor requested that team members return back to the office.
 Our supervisor requested the team members return to the office.

Revise the following to avoid unnecessary there is/are and it is /was fillers.

1. There are many businesses that are implementing strict -email policies.
 Many businesses are implementing strict e-mail policies

2. It is the CEO who must approve the plan.


 The CEO must approve the plan

3. There are several Web pages you must update.


 You must update several webpages.

4. The manager says that there are many employees who did not return the
health surveys.
 The manager says that many employees did not return the health surveys.

5. There was an unused computer in the back office.


 An unused computer was in the office.

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