HOW TO DEAL WITH HOT BUTTONS
PURPOSE OF THE EXERCISE: To understand the meaning and implications of
the term "hot button" and how this information fits in with the process of conflict
resolution.
INTRODUCTION: We use the term "hot button" to describe what happens
when person A does or says something specific that causes an extreme
reaction from person B. Person A may not realize that he or she has "pushed
the other person's hot button," thereby adding fuel to the fire and creating a
greater misunderstanding.
WORKSHEET
Most of us have at least one "hot button." When ours are pushed, it is
almost impossible to respond in a constructive way, particularly when we
are in the middle of a conflict. (Examples of hot buttons: ethnic slurs,
stereotypes, name-calling.) List below any words, statements, or behaviors
that are hot buttons for you:
1. 3.
2. 4.
What strategies have you used to deal with your hot buttons?
1. 3.
2. 4.
Other people have hot buttons, too. How might you deal with those hot buttons
you push in a conflict situation? What skills would be helpful?
1. 3.
2. 4.
On the next page you will find some skills to help you deal with "hot button"
situations.
Skills for Dealing with Hot Buttons
To help you deal with hot buttons, check your approach and develop skills to
deal with them, such as those listed below:
1. Neutralize the situation by detachment.
Mentally detach yourself. Step back from the situation and take a few deep
breaths. Give yourself and the other person some space.
2. Recognize others' feelings.
When you realize that a hot button has been pushed, give careful thought
to your next move in order to avoid pushing more or adding to the hurt.
3. Allow things to cool down.
Collect more data. Ask questions that will help you get a deeper
understanding of the situation.
4. Look for commonalties and use positive language.
Focus on the goals you both have in common. Use "we" language, as in
"We both would like to..."
SUMMARY
Because hot buttons are words or actions that can trigger negative responses, it
is vital that they be taken into consideration during a conflict situation. Since
they often exacerbate a conflict, all parties must be aware of the impact they
make. When a hot button issue comes up, it is important to recognize it for what
it is; detach yourself from it, allow the situation to cool off, and move on.
The more sensitive you are to hot buttons (your own and others'), the easier it
is to avoid their use and not take things personally. In general, you should
always use positive language when resolving conflicts.