Episode #101

''Lilly, Want To Know A Secret?''

Written By
Eileen Conn

Directed By
Lee Shallat-Chemel

Shooting Draft
11/07/2005

COPYRIGHT 2005 IT'S A LAUGH PRODUCTIONS,INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

NOT TO BE DUPLICATED WITHOUT PERMISSION. This material is the
property of It's A Laugh Productions, Inc, and is intended solely
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Unauthorized distribution or disclosure of this material is also
prohibited.
 TEASER

WE SEE FOOTAGE OF HANNAH MONTANA PERFORMING THIS IS THE LIFE,

LIVE IN CONCERT.

ONSCREEN HANNAH
(SINGING) This is the life, hold on
tight. And this is the dream.
ANNOUNCER
Fourteen-year-old sensation Hannah

Montana continues her smash tour

with another sold-out show tomorrow

tonight in Los Angeles.

ONSCREEN HANNAH

(CONTINUING) I’m gonna take my

time, yeah. I’m still getting it
right.

CUT TO:

INT. STEWART'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

ROBBY RAY AND MILEY (DRESSED AS HANNAH) FINISH THE LAST LINE
OF THE SONG WHILE FERMINE WORKS ON THE DRESS HANNAH'S
WEARING. JACKSON PACES IN THE BACKGROUND, THE PHONE GLUED TO
HIS EAR.
ROBBY RAY / HANNAH
This is the life.
ROBBY RAY (CONT'D)

Did you hear that? Sold out in Los

Angeles. Whoo!
ROBBY RAY GIVES HANNAH A HIGH FIVE. FERMINE WHO STILL HAS A
NEEDLE IN THE DRESS, GETS POKED IN THE PROCESS.
 2.

FERMINE
Ow, ow. Needle in finger. Sharp
shooting pain.
HANNAH
Oh, I’m sorry, Fermine.
ROBBY RAY WALKS PAST THEM INTO THE KITCHEN, SITS DOWN ON A
STOOL.
FERMINE
Is okay, I kiss it. (KISSES HIS
FINGER) All better. Alright. Oh,

look at you, you look gorgeous.

You’re gonna look beautiful in your
finale. Do it with me, come on now.
(HANNAH FOLLOWS FERMINE'S LEAD)
Work it out, work it out, and pop
it! (FABRIC TEARS) Oh!
HANNAH
Ooh.
FERMINE
Tushy tear. Awkward moment, time to
go. Don’t look at my booty!

FERMINE HEADS FOR THE DOOR.

ROBBY RAY
Uh, no danger there, partner.
FERMINE
(LEAVING THROUGH FRONT DOOR) I love
you, Hannah Montana!
HANNAH WAVES GOODBYE AS JACKSON COMES UP TO HER.
 3.

JACKSON
(HAND COVERING THE PHONE RECIEVER)
Do you mind? I am on the phone
here, all right? I got a life too,
you know. And I would appreciate it
if I could have one conversation
without hearing the words, Hannah
Montana. (PUTS THE PHONE BACK UP TO
HIS EAR) Yeah, that’s right, girl,
I know Hannah Montana. And I got

two incredible tickets for tomorrow

night. Great. Well, see you then.
(HANGS UP, THEN TO MILEY) I need
two incredible seats for tomorrow
night.
HANNAH
Sorry, I’m sold out.
JACKSON
Dad!
ROBBY RAY

Hey, think about it this way,

Miley. He goes out with the girl,
they fall in love, they get
married, he moves out.
 4.

HANNAH
(GIVES A THUMBS-UP) You’ve got the
tickets. (THE PHONE RINGS, AND SHE
PUNCHES THE SPEAKER BUTTON) Hello?
LILLY (V.O.)
Hey, it’s me, landing in 20
seconds!
HANNAH
Great! Lilly alert in 18 seconds!
(TAKES OFF THE HANNAH WIG AND

TOSSES IT TO ROBBY RAY)

JACKSON
(THROWING HER COAT OVER HER) She’s
your best friend, Miley. Sooner or
later, you’re gonna have to tell
her you’re Hannah Montana.
MILEY
(DARTING TOWARDS THE KITCHEN) I
pick later!
ROBBY RAY

Nine seconds. Get the juice!

JACKSON KICKS THE SEWING BASKET OUT OF THE WAY.
MILEY
(HEADING FOR THE FRIDGE) Got it!
ROBBY RAY
Good. Three.
 5.

JACKSON
(OPENING THE FRONT DOOR) Two….
MILEY
(CLOSING THE FRIDGE) One!
LILLY
(ZOOMING IN ON HER SKATEBOARD)
Guess who just landed two tickets
to the hottest concert in town?
(STOPS IN FRONT OF MILEY) Miley,
you and I, I being your best

friend, are going to see the one,

the only, Hannah Montana! Whoo!
You’re not screaming. Why aren’t
you screaming?
JACKSON
(SITTING OVER THE STEPS WITH ROBBIE
RAY) Oh, believe me, she’s
screaming on the inside.
ROBBIE RAY GRABS HIM AND PUTS HIS FACE IN HIS ARMPIT. LILLY
GIVES ONE LAST WHOOP TO A HORRIFIED LOOKING MILEY.
END OF TEASER
 6.

ACT ONE

INT. SEAVIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - DAY

MILEY AND LILLY MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE CONDIMENT ISLAND IN THE
SEAVIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL CAFETERIA DURING LUNCH.
LILLY
I just don’t get it, why won’t you
go to the concert with me?
MILEY
It’s just that, um…I really want to
spend some quality time with my
brother.
LILLY
Quality time with your brother?

(MILEY NODS) Okay, if you don’t

want to tell me, I guess there’s
nothing I can do except, go through
life wondering what I did to
deserve being hurt so badly by my –
MILEY
Oh, just stop. I just can’t go,
okay?
LILLY
Okay. That’s fine.

JOHNNY
(WALKING OVER) Hey, Miley. How’s it
going?
MILEY STARES OFF INTO SPACE, BUT IS JOLTED BACK TO REALITY BY
A PUNCH FROM LILLY.
 7.

MILEY
 
Um, pretty good! Just getting some
ketchup for my veggie burger. I see
you like mayonnaise. Never tried
that on a veggie burger! And maybe
I should, but, not today because
then the ketchup would go all over
the –
LILLY
(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Miley. Miley.

Miley. Miley!
MILEY STOPS TO REALIZE SHE'S GONE A LITTLE OVERBOARD ON
SQUIRTING KETCHUP, AND NOW HER HAND IS NOW COVERED WITH THE
RED STUFF. JOHNNY JUST STARES.
MILEY
You know, what a lot of people
don’t know is-is…(THINKING)…it’s
also a wonderful moisturizer.
MILEY GRABS JOHNNY'S HAND AND SMOOTHES SOME KETCHUP OVER IT.
MILEY (CONT'D)
Here. Isn’t that lovely?

JOHNNY
Moisturizer? You’re pretty funny.
A DISAPPOINTED MILEY WATCHES AS JOHNNY STARES AT HIS HAND IN
NEWFOUND AMAZEMENT.
JOHNNY (CONT'D)
Oh, my hand does feel softer….
LILLY
(STARING AFTER JOHNNY) Wow.
 8.

MILEY
(WIPING OFF THE KETCHUP) I know. He
is so hot, and I’m so lame!
LILLY
Hey, he’s the one that believed
ketchup was a moisturizer. (MILEY
GIVES HER A LOOK) Miley, you’ve
been totally crushing on Johnny
Collins for months! He thought you
were funny. This is your chance,

he’s sitting right there (POINTS TO

HIM), let’s move!
MILEY
 
I just can’t do it.
LILLY
(SIGHING) Yes you can. Miley,
you’re smart, you’re funny, and
you’re totally cute. And now,
(REMOVES HER BRACELET FROM HER
WRIST) you have my lucky bracelet.

(PUTS IT ON MILEYS)
MILEY
(NODDING) Okay.
LILLY
Wait! Booger check.
 9.

MILEY
(TILTING HER HEAD UPWARD) You are
so gross!
LILLY
All clear, good to go!
MILEY AND LILLY WALK OVER TO WHERE JOHNNY'S SITTING WITH HIS
FRIENDS AND PULL OUT TWO CHAIRS.
JOHNNY
(TALKING TO A BUDDY) Seriously,
dude, it really does soften your

skin.
BEFORE MILEY AND LILLY CAN SIT DOWN, AMBER AND ASHLEY DASH
OVER AND STEAL THEIR SEATS.
AMBER
(SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO JOHNNY) Hi,
Johnny.
JOHNNY LOOKS TO AMBER AND SMILES POLITELY. MILEY STARES IN
DISBELIEF, WHILE LILLY EYES THE BOTH OF THEM.
LILLY
(FEIGNING SWEETNESS) Hey, Amber,
Ashley. (AMBER AND ASHLEY LOOK) We
were gonna sit there!

AMBER
(ROLLING HER EYES) Well, isn’t that
just too bad.
 10.

ASHLEY
Oh, but don’t worry. There are
seats over there by the trash cans.
(SHE POINTS, THEN TOGETHER WITH
AMBER) At the Losers Table. Ooh!
(THEY TOUCH FINGERS, MIMICKING A
SIZZLE)
LILLY ROLLS HER EYES IN DISGUST.
MILEY
Um, hey, Amber? I think it might be

time to pluck the stash. (MOTIONING

TO HER FACE)
LILLY
And Ashley…(PEERING CLOSER)…is that
a zit or are you growing a new
head?
AMBER AND ASHLEY STARE IN CONFUSION.
MILEY / LILLY (CONT'D)
(MOVING THEIR FACES CLOSER,
SQUINTING) Gross! Ooh! (COPYING

AMBER AND ASHLEY'S SIGNATURE

SIZZLE)
AMBER AND ASHLEY SELF-CONSCIOUSLY TAKE OUT THEIR HAND
MIRRORS, AS MILEY AND LILLY LEAVE TO SIT AT AN EMPTY TABLE.
 11.

LILLY
Okay, we didn’t get those seats.
Minor set-back. But the good news
is we have better seats for Hannah
Montana!
MILEY
I’m sorry, it’s just that…
(THINKING)…I don’t like Hannah
Montana.
LILLY

(GLARES) What?
OLIVER ENTERS THE CAFETERIA, PASSING A COUPLE OF GIRLS.
OLIVER
Hi, baby, how you doing? (PASSES
AMBER AND ASHLEY'S TABLE) Oliver
Oken, and may I say, you two – are
smokin’!
AMBER
Ugh, in your dreams.

OLIVER
I’m counting on that. (PASSES
ANOTHER TABLE OCCUPIED BY A GIRL,
HE STEALS A FRY) Hey, slick. (WALKS
PAST YET ANOTHER GIRL) Hey….(SHE
LOOKS AWAY IN DISGUST, OLIVER IS
UNFAZED) Oh, yeah. She wants me.
(MORE)
 12.
OLIVER (CONT'D)
(HE FINALLY SITS DOWN AT MILEY AND
LILLY'S TABLE)
LILLY
Oliver, you’re not going to believe
this. Miley says she doesn’t like
Hannah Montana!
OLIVER
(EYES WIDE, STANDING UP) What?
(MILEY LOOKS AT HIM, HE SITS BACK
DOWN) Hannah Montana is a goddess!
I worship at her feet! In fact, FYI

– someday I’m going to be Mr.

Hannah Montana. (MILEY RAISES HER
EYEBROWS) I’m gonna watch over her
every minute of the day…protect her
from any obsessed fans…every night,
I’ll shampoo and condition that
beautiful, blonde hair.
MILEY
Oliver, I say this because I care
about you. (RAISING HER VOICE) Get
some help!
 13.

LILLY
Miley, don’t make me go see my
favorite singer without my best
friend. If you don’t take this
ticket, I’m going to end up going
to the concert with Mr. Hannah
Montana. (POINTS AT OLIVER)
OLIVER
(STANDING AGAIN) You have an extra
ticket to Hannah Montana! (THE

ENTIRE CAFETERIA TURNS THEIR

DIRECTION - HE SINKS LOW INTO HIS
CHAIR) That was really loud, wasn’t
it?
THEY DISAPPEAR FROM VIEW AS THEIR TABLE IS SWARMED BY RABID
HANNAH MONTANA FANS.

INT. STEWART'S HOUSE - DAY

JACKSON COMES DOWN THE STAIRS AND ENTERS THE KITCHEN.
JACKSON
Hey, Dad? (ROBBY RAY LOOKS UP) I’m
really nervous about my date, and
well, I’m just gonna say this.
There is nobody in the world whose
advice I trust and respect more
than you.
 14.

ROBBY RAY
Son, I’m not loaning you money.
(PATS HIM ON THE BACK)
JACKSON
What…? Is-is that what you think
this is about? Dad, I-I, I, I am
hurt. (ROBBY LOOKS AT HIM) This has
nothing to do with borrowing money
from you. I was actually kind of
hoping more for an outright gift.

ROBBY RAY
 
I gave you the gift of life, son.
Don’t push it.
A FRAZZLED AND DISHEVELED-LOOKING MILEY WALKS IN THE FRONT
DOOR.
ROBBY RAY (CONT'D)
(MOVING TOWARDS HER) Honey, what
happened?
MILEY
(THROWS HER BACKPACK ON THE COUCH)
Hannah Montana happened.

ROBBY RAY
You mean the kids at school found
out?
 15.

MILEY
No. (SHE SITS NEXT TO HIM ON THE
STAIRS) This was just about a
ticket to see Hannah Montana. What
if they found out I was Hannah
Montana. No one would treat me the
same.
ROBBY RAY
I bet Lilly would.
MILEY

Are you kidding? She’s Hannah’s

biggest fan. If she knew the truth…
I’d never be just Miley again.
ROBBY RAY
Oh, baby doll….
MILEY
(STANDING) I’m taking a walk on the
beach.
ROBBY RAY
Now, hold on just a minute. (SHE

WAITS) First, let’s get this french

fry out of your hair before the
seagulls attack you. (HE STARTS
UNTANGLING THE FRY) Boy, that
sucker is in there too. Second of
all, I know you’re concerned that

if Lilly finds out the truth that

(MORE)
 16.
ROBBY RAY (CONT'D)
she won’t treat you the same, but
she’s still your best bud. You need
to trust that. At least think about
telling her?
MILEY
(PRETENDS TO NOD THOUGHTFULLY)
Okay. Not gonna happen. (SHE WALKS
OUT THE SIDE DOOR)
JACKSON
(MOVING CLOSER) Dad, I can only
hope that when I’m a father, I can

give my children –
ROBBY RAY
No money!
JACKSON
 
Didn’t think so. (TAKES THE FRY,
EATS IT)
END OF ACT ONE
 17.

ACT TWO
CUT TO:

INT. STAGE - NIGHT

HANNAH MONTANA PERFORMS THIS IS THE LIFE LIVE AT THE LOS
ANGELES STADIUM IN FRONT OF A WHOOPING AND EXCITED AUDIENCE.
HANNAH
(SINGING) This is the life, hold on
tight. And this is the dream, it’s
all I need. You never know where
you’ll find it. And I’m gonna take
my time, yeah.
I’m still getting it right. This is
the life. (AUDIENCE CHEERS) Thank
you, Los Angeles!

INT. HANNAH'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

OUTSIDE HANNAH MONTANA’S HOTEL ROOM, SHE STANDS BEFORE A LONG
LINE OF FANS, WRITING HER NAME ON THE FOREHEAD OF THE GIRL AT
THE FRONT. ROBBY RAY STANDS BEHIND HER AS BODYGUARD, WEARING
A HAT, SUNGLASSES, AND MUSTACHE AS HIS DISGUISE.
HANNAH
Hannah Mon-tan-a…. There you go!
FAN
Thank you…!
HANNAH
(SEEING JOHNNY NEXT IN LINE) Hey,
Jo-just another fan!
JOHNNY
Hi. Um… could you sign this to
(MORE)
 18.
JOHNNY (CONT'D)
Johnny? It’s not me, it’s my little
brother. He really likes you. N-not
that I don’t, I do, but, you know,
he wanted me to get it, so I’m
getting it. So, yeah, if you could
just sign that to…Johnny. My little
brother.
HANNAH
(FINISHES AUTOGRAPH) There you go.
JOHNNY
Thanks.

HANNAH
Hey, really soft hands.
JOHNNY
Thanks, it’s ketchup. (PAUSES) Bye.
ROBBY RAY
(STEPPING FORWARD) Thanks guys, be
sure and pick up a record and T-
shirt in the lobby. (CLOSES THE
DOOR BEHIND THEM)
HANNAH
 
He is so cute!

ROBBY RAY
Honey, at your age, there’s only
two things that are cute –
squirrels and little puppy dogs.
Hoo! I tell you what, I hate
(MORE)
 19.
ROBBY RAY (CONT'D)
wearing this thing. (TEARS OFF THE
MUSTACHE) It’s like kissing your
Great Aunt Clara. (THEY BOTH
SHIVER) Hey, great show tonight.
I’ll go check on the limo. Your
mama would have been so proud of
you.
HANNAH
Thanks, Dad.
ROBBY RAY LEAVES THE ROOM, AND HANNAH ENTERS THE BATHROOM,
CLOSING THE DOOR BEHIND HER. WE SEE THE WINDOW SLIDE OPEN –
REVEALING LILLY OUTSIDE.

LILLY
Higher, Oliver, I’m almost in!
OLIVER
There is no higher. You’re already
standing on my head!
LILLY
Jump, you idiot, jump!
OLIVER GIVES A LITTLE JUMP, AND LILLY HOISTS HERSELF UP THE
WINDOWSILL. SHE GRABS THE CHANDELIER AND SWINGS INTO THE
ROOM.
LILLY (CONT'D)
Not good! (KNOCKING OVER A VASE)

Oops. (JUMPS TO THE FLOOR) And she

sticks the landing! (RUNS TO THE
TABLE FOOD, GRABS A HOT DOG) Hannah
Montana’s hot dogs! (EYES MOVING
ACROSS THE ROOM, SHE GRABS THE
(MORE)
 20.
LILLY (CONT'D)
NEARBY SCARF) Hannah Montana’s
scarf!
LILLY RUMMAGES IN DRESSER DRAWERS WITH HER BACK TURNED.
HANNAH COMES OUT OF THE BATHROOM, TOWEL IN HAND.
LILLY (CONT'D)
(TURNING AROUND) HANNAH MONTANA!
HANNAH STOPS, THROWS HER HANDS OVER HER FACE AS THEY BOTH
SCREECH.
HANNAH
Whoever you are, you have to get
out of here right now, or I’m
calling security!

LILLY
Wait, wait, no, I’m sorry! I was
just looking for a souvenir. My
name’s Lilly Truscott, and I’m a
HUGE fan.
HANNAH STOPS AT THE FOOD TABLE, LOOKS AT THE PIE. LILLY
WATCHES IN SHOCK, AS SHE PICKS UP THE PIE – AND SLAPS IT
AGAINST HER FACE.
LILLY (CONT'D)
Did you just shove pie in your
face?
HANNAH

(BRINGING THE TOWEL TO HER FACE)

It’s not a real pie. It’s, um…a
foamy facial wash… pie. (MOVING
BEHIND THE CLOTHING RACK)
 21.

LILLY
(FOLLOWING) What’s wrong with your
voice?
HANNAH
Um, that happens after every
concert. (MOVING THE RACK)
LILLY
(SPREADING CLOTHES APART) You give
so much. I just wish Miley were
here.

HANNAH
(HIDDEN BEHIND THE MOVING RACK) Uh,
Miley, who’s Miley? I don’t know
Miley, that’s a strange name.
LILLY
(TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE) Oh,
she’s my best friend.
HANNAH
(STOPS, SHOVES CLOTHES TO OPPOSITE

SIDES) Right! (DASHES OUT, OPENS

THE DOOR) Well, then, why don’t you
go get her?
LILLY
Great idea, I’ll call her.
HANNAH
(SHUTS THE DOOR) No! You know, cell
(MORE)
 22.
HANNAH (CONT'D)
phones don’t really work in here,
it has to do with the walls and the
cement, and….
THE HANNAH PHONE RINGS.
HANNAH (CONT'D)
Okay…they must have fixed it.
LILLY
(LOOKING AT THE PHONE) Aren’t you
gonna get that?

HANNAH

Uh-uh, no, I’m talking to you, that

would be rude.
LILLY STILL HAS HER PHONE GLUED TO HER EAR, CLUELESS.
HANNAH’S CELL CONTINUES TO RING.
HANNAH (CONT'D)
 
(SLAMMING LILLY'S CELL SHUT) Okay,
she’s not home.
HANNAH’S CELL STOPS RINGING.
LILLY
Woah, that was weird.
HANNAH

Uh, why don’t I just get you an

autograph for her.
OLIVER (V.O.)
What about me?
HANNAH LOOKS TOWARD THE WINDOW TO SEE OLIVER’S HAND CLINGING
TO THE SILL.
 23.

OLIVER
(CLIMBING UP) I’m the one who loves
you! (SEEING HANNAH'S PIE STAINED
FACE) You’re much paler in person.
HANNAH
Yeah, I am, you know what - gosh,
it was really fun meeting you guys,
but I really gotta go.

OLIVER

Wait! (HANNAH AND LILLY TURN) Can’t

I at least shampoo and condition
your beautiful blonde hair?
HANNAH
No! (RUSHES TO THE WINDOW) But you
can take this towel! (TOSSES IT TO
HIM)
OLIVER
Hannah Montana’s towel…. (YELLS AS
HE SLIPS AND FALLS TO THE GROUND

BELOW) It’s okay! None of my blood

got on the towel!
HANNAH OPENS THE DOOR FOR LILLY.
LILLY
Well, I guess I’m leaving too….
HANNAH
(MOTIONS OUT THE DOOR) Okay….
 24.

LILLY
Without even a towel as a
souvenir….
HANNAH
Buh-bye…!
LILLY
Nothing but my memories… (SIGHS)
which will fade too, too quickly….
HANNAH
Alright, alright! (PICKS UP HER

SCARF) Here.
LILLY
Oh, my, gosh…! The actual scarf you
wore on the actual stage! I can’t
believe it, this is so – (STOPS,
LOOKS AT HANNAH'S ARM) Hey, I have
a lucky bracelet just like that! I
loaned it to my best friend
yesterday, ‘course, mine says,
“Lilly” on the back – (STOPS AGAIN)

Just like that.

LILLY LOOKS AT HANNAH’S FACE, SMEARS AWAY THE PIE CREAM.
HANNAH
 
Ta-da…?
END OF ACT TWO
 25.

ACT THREE

INT. HANNAH'S HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

MILEY (STILL DRESSED AS HANNAH) AND LILLY SIT ON THE COUCH IN
THE HOTEL ROOM.
HANNAH
Lilly, I know you’re upset I didn’t
tell you. But you cannot just
freeze me out like this. Please
talk to me.
LILLY
I thought we were friends. I
thought we told each other
everything. But I guess I was

wrong, since you kept just about

the biggest secret in the world,
Miley Stewart-SLASH-Hannah Montana!
HANNAH
Okay, well, other than that, did
you enjoy the concert?
CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - SECONDS LATER

JACKSON IS WALKING A LADY-FRIEND DOWN THE HALLWAY.
JACKSON
That’s right, I happen to be real
tight with Hannah Montana. (OPENS
THE ROOM DOOR) Hey, Hannah, thought
my lady here could use a little
(MORE)
 26.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
souvenir.

INT. HANNAH'S HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

HANNAH
(THROWS A TOILET PAPER ROLL AT HIM)
Jackson, get out of here!
JACKSON
(CATCHING THE TOILET PAPER, HANDS
IT TO HIS GIRL) For you. Told you
we were tight. (SENDS MILEY A GLARE
BEFORE LEAVING)
LILLY
(GETTING UP) I am so out of here.

HANNAH
 
(CHASING HER OUT) Lilly, please,
wait! (THEY STOP OUTSIDE THE ROOM)

INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

LILLY FACES HANNAH.
HANNAH
I wanted to tell you. It’s just
that…I was afraid.
LILLY
Afraid of what?
 27.

HANNAH
I don’t know, I thought, maybe once
you knew, you wouldn’t want to be
my friend anymore. And, you’d like
Hannah Montana more than you like
me.
LILLY
That’s what you thought? That could
never happen, Miley, don’t you know
that?

HANNAH
Yeah. I do. Okay! No more secrets.
And to prove it, I’m going to show
you something I’ve never shown to
any other friend.
CUT TO:

INT. STEWART'S HOUSE - DAY

MILEY LEADS LILLY TOWARD HER BEDROOM CLOSET.
MILEY
Wait ‘till you see this! (OPENS HER
CLOSET DOOR, BRINGING LILLY INSIDE)
LILLY
Why am I standing in your closet?
MILEY
Because behind my closet is….
(PUSHES ASIDE THE CLOTHES ON THE

(MORE)
 28.
MILEY (CONT'D)
RACK) My closet! (OPENS THE DOOR
BEHIND)
LILLY STARES IN AMAZEMENT AT THE HUGE WALK-IN CLOSET BEFORE
THEM, FILLED WITH ALL KINDS OF ELABORATE SHOES AND DRESSES.
LILLY
It’s like a dream…a beautiful,
beautiful dream! (SPOTS A PAIR OF
BOOTS, RUSHES OVER, AND PICKS THEM
UP) Okay, dream’s over. I’ve got to
have these!
MILEY
Wait, there’s more!

LILLY
Another closet?
MILEY PRESSES A BUTTON, AND A RACK OF SHOES EMERGES FULLY
FROM THE WALL.
LILLY (CONT'D)
What size shoe do you wear?
MILEY
I’m a 5.
LILLY
I’m a 6, but I’ll squeeze!
(GRINNING AT MILEY) Wait ‘till

Amber and Ashley find out.

MILEY
What?
LILLY
Well, we have to tell them.
(MORE)
 29.
LILLY (CONT'D)
Here’s my cell. (HANDS HER THE
PHONE, THEN JUMPS UP TO THE
CLOTHING CAROUSEL AND HOLDS A DRESS
IN FRONT OF HER) Take a picture of
me in Hannah Montana’s clothes!
MILEY
No! No one else can see this stuff.
LILLY
Are you crazy, why not?
MILEY
Once people know I’m Hannah, they

won’t treat me the same.

LILLY
That’s the point. I’m talking mega-
popularity here for both of us!
Think about Johnny Collins. He’d be
yours if he knew.
MILEY
No!
LILLY
How can you be so selfish? Whoa!
(SHE ACCIDENTALLY PUSHES THE

BUTTON, AND THE CLOTHING RACK

STARTS TURNING) If you were really
my best friend, you’d want this for
me!
 30.

MILEY
 
If you were my best friend, you’d
understand why I can’t do it.
LILLY
Come on, cut me some slack, Hannah.
MILEY
“Hannah?” I knew this would happen!
(STOMPING DOWN TO SIT ON THE
STAIRS)
LILLY

Did I say Hannah? I didn’t mean

that. It was a mistake.
MILEY
No, the mistake was trusting you.
LILLY FREEZES.
END OF ACT TWO
 31.

ACT THREE

INT. STEWART'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

JACKSON IS WITH ROBBY RAY IN THE KITCHEN, WHILE HE MAKES
HIMSELF AN ICE CREAM SUNDAE.
JACKSON
That girl tonight really dug me,
Dad. I think it was the guns.
(FLEXING HIS ARMS)
AN ANGRY LILLY COMES DOWN THE STAIRS.
ROBBY RAY
Hey, Lilly. I think things are
going to be a whole lot better
around here, now that you know our

little secret.
LILLY SLAMS THE BACK DOOR ON HER WAY OUT.
JACKSON
 
Did you see the way she ignored
you? I’m sorry, but that is no way
to treat a man of your compassion,
sensitivity –
ROBBY RAY SQUIRTS A GOB OF WHIPPED CREAM IN HIS MOUTH.
JACKSON (CONT'D)
(MOUTHFUL OF WHIPPED CREAM) Still

no money?
MILEY STOMPS IN, TAKES ROBBY RAY’S BOWL OF ICE CREAM.
 32.

MILEY
(MASHING INTO THE BOWL WITH A
SPOON) I am so mad!
ROBBY RAY
So you’re gonna take it out on my
ice cream sundae? You wanna talk
about it?
MILEY
No!
ROBBY RAY

Okay.
ROBBY RAY AND JACKSON BURST INTO A SONG PARODY OF BAD TO THE
BONE.
ROBBY RAY (CONT'D)
You had a fight.
JACKSON
Na-na-na-na.
ROBBY RAY
She left your place.
JACKSON
Na-na-na-na.

ROBBY RAY
And now you sit and stuff your
face, You got the processed-sugar
blues.
MILEY
Stop! That’s the worst song you’ve
ever written!
 33.

JACKSON
She obviously doesn’t remember the
potty-training song.
ROBBY RAY
 
I like to sing, I like to dance...
ROBBY RAY / JACKSON (CONT'D)
But I can’t do it with poopy in my
pants.
MILEY
Dad! This is so not funny.

Everything I was afraid that would

happen, happened. She found out who
I was, and now it’s ruined
everything.
ROBBY RAY
You don’t know that for sure, Mile.
Things could change. Just give it
some time. Group hug. (HOLDS ARMS
OUT)
MILEY / JACKSON
Gotta go. (THEY BOTH LEAVE)

ROBBY RAY SQUIRTING A GOB OF WHIPPED CREAM INTO HIS MOUTH.

INT. STEWART'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY

FERMINE WATCHES AS JACKSON MODELS A NEW HANNAH OUTFIT FOR
HIM.
FERMINE
Turn.
 34.

JACKSON
(TURNS) I don’t know. I think it
makes me look a little big around
the hips.
FERMINE
Please, let’s not blame the dress.
MILEY AND ROBBY RAY COME THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR, ARMS FULL OF
GROCERIES.
MILEY
Hey guys, sorry we’re….

ROBBY RAY
Yee, doggies!
MILEY
Daddy, he’s finally cracked.
ROBBY RAY
You know what, son? I like it, but
I don’t think it goes with the
shoes.
JACKSON
Okay, fine, you, you take your
little cracks. But, but you weren’t

here, (MOTIONS TO MILEY) and

Fermine needed help with the dress,
and he said he’d pay me. So this is
what you get. (THROWS UP HIS ARMS)
 35.

MILEY
(COVERING HER NOSE) Next time try
something with sleeves and
deodorant.
JACKSON
If you got it, flaunt it! Which
reminds me, I’ve got a little blue
sequined number waiting for me.
Enjoy! (TOSSES HER THE HANNAH WIG
AND LEAVES)

ROBBY RAY
(WALLET OUT) Okay, Fermine, how
much do I owe you?
FERMINE
Kid works cheap. He did it for
twenty dollars.
MILEY
Daddy, you made him do that?
ROBBY RAY
Hey, the boy said he needed some

money. I thought I might as well

get a chuckle out of it.
A SKATEBOARD COMES SLIDING THROUGH THE HOUSE. ROBBY RAY STOPS
IT WITH HIS FOOT, AND THEY SEE LILLY AT THE FRONT DOOR.
 36.

ROBBY RAY
Lilly alert. (TO FERMINE) Hey,
Fermine, why don’t we step out onto
the patio and give these girls some
privacy?
FERMINE
Okay, but I’m going to need some
sunscreen. My skin is like a baby’s
bottom.
ROBBY RAY

Little too much information,

Cowboy. (SETS A COWBOY HAT ON
FERMINE’S HEAD)
FERMINE
Oh, look at me! Giddy up, pardner.
Yippee ki-yay! Giddy up. Yippee ki-
yay.
LILLY
(HEAD POKING THROUGH THE DOOR) Hey,
can I talk to you?

MILEY
Who? Miley or Hannah?
LILLY
(STANDING) Miley.
MILEY
(WALKING AWAY) Well she’s not
talking to you right now!
 37.

LILLY
Wait, Miley. I’m sorry I called you
Hannah. That was major news! You
got to give me a little time to get
used to it.
MILEY
What happens if you can’t? What
about the next time you get dissed
by Amber and Ashley? Are you sure
you won’t want to tell ‘em?

LILLY
Of course I’ll want to, but I
won’t. And you know why? Because
you’re my best friend. And when I
was sitting in my room all upset,
you’re the one I wanted to talk to,
not Hannah Montana. Well, I guess.
 
(WALKING AWAY, SLOWYLY) Here I go,
headed for the door, after making
the best apology I could possibly

think of, (LOOKS BACK FOR A SECOND)

still hoping she forgives me.
Halfway there.
MILEY
You are such a drama queen.
MILEY / LILLY (CONT'D)
Hugs?
 38.

THE TWO FRIENDS HUG. JACKSON COMES DOWNSTAIRS, DRESSED IN

ANOTHER HANNAH MONTANA OUTFIT.
JACKSON
I am so not getting paid enough for
this.
MILEY
(EYES WIDE) Neither am I.
LILLY AND MILEY STARE AT JACKSON.
CUT TO:

INT. SEAVIEW MIDDLE SCHOOL - CAFETERIA - THE NEXT DAY

AMBER AND ASHLEY SIT AT THEIR TABLE.
AMBER
We were in the first row, and -
ASHLEY
- Hannah smiled right at us.
AMBER
She really did.
MILEY, LILLY, AND OLIVER WALK BY THEIR TABLE.
OLIVER
Big deal! You see this towel? She
gave it to me, in her dressing
room. She really did.
AMBER
Uh, yeah, and she gave me this
sandwich. (HOLDS UP HER SANDWICH)
 39.

AMBER / ASHLEY
You’re pathetic. Oooh! (MIMICKING A
SIZZLE)
OLIVER
It’s true!
LILLY
Ignore them, Oliver. They’re not
worth it.
MILEY
Wait a minute, he’s telling the

truth. And she gave Lilly

something, too.
LILLY
What are you doing?
MILEY
You’ll see.
ASHLEY
That’s Hannah Montana’s scarf.
AMBER
From the concert.
MILEY

Yeah, Hannah gave it to her.

LILLY
But you know what? You guys are
much cooler than me. You should
have it.
AMBER
Oh, my gosh.
 40.

ASHLEY
Hey! I want that! (THEY PLAY TUG-
OF-WAR WITH THE SCARF)
OLIVER
Why did you do that?
MILEY
I think I know. Hey, everybody!
MILEY / LILLY (CONT'D)
It’s Hannah Montana’s scarf!
AMBER AND ASHLEY SHRIEK AS THE ENTIRE CAFETERIA SWARMS OVER
THEM.
MILEY / LILLY (CONT'D)
Ooh! (MIMICKING THE SIZZLE)
CUT TO BLACK:
END OF PILOT