T H E BE S T- SEL L I NG GAY M AGA Z I N E

No v e m b e r 2 02 0

NICO
MENTAL
HEALTH ON
LOCKDOWN
How LGBTQ people
are coping in the
year of COVID

TORTORELLA
The Walking Dead star on embracing
queerness, the joy of polyamory and
why zombies have taken over

PRIYANKA
MELANIE C
DIANE CHORLEY
TOM TAYLOR

CHIYO GOMES
The trans man
aiming to win
Mr Gay England

attitude.co.uk £5.50
Markus wears Lyocell Boxer Shorts in Navy Blue.
C DLP.C OM
 This issue
November 2020

p66

Agenda Travel
12 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF’S LETTER 89 JUST THE TICKET
14 ATTITUDE LOVES The latest travel tips and news
What we’re thirsty for this month p30 90 LOVE & HYGGE
22 THE RULES For the first time, WorldPride
For survival in a horror film p112 2021 will be hosted by two cities,
23 BIG ISSUE Copenhagen and Malmö
Straight actors playing gay 96 WELL-HEELED
characters Puglia, in south-east Italy, serves
24 BIG IN A WIG up a feast for the eyes and — of
Priyanka course — the stomach
26 COLUMNIST – ANTHONY GILET 100 HOT HOTEL
Getting over being ghosted Hotel Arlberg, Lech

Features Active
30 NICO TORTORELLA 104 FITNESS REVOLUTION
The Walking Dead: World Beyond The only way is… exercise as TOWIE
actor on playing a queer superhero, star Bobby Norris talks to us about
his identity and fighting his demons his body transformation
44 DANIEL HOWELL 110 MATT LISTER
Sharing is caring as the YouTube Fitness in focus
star opens up about sexuality and p104 111 A PROBLEM SHARED
his mental health Dr Ranj is always here for you
52 MENTAL HEALTH p44 112 REAL BODIES
How LGBTQ people have been Chiyo Gomes shakes things up as
taking care of themselves during the first trans man to become a
these uneasy times finalist of Mr Gay England
60 BLACK BRITISH HISTORY
Writer Stephen Bourne charts Social
the lives of Britain’s black, queer
wartime trailblazers 118 LIFE LESSONS
66 TOM TAYLOR Mel C
Meet the up-and-coming star of 120 REVIEWS
novel-turned-TV show, Us Books by Uli Lenart, films by Guy
68 MAGNUS HASTINGS Lodge, music by James Barr
The photographer thinks inside
the box in star-studded new book, Style
Rainbow Revolution
74 SUMMER OF 85 124 CRUSH
Félix Lefebvre and Benjamin Voisin Keeping it brief
turn up the heat in the hit gay 126 WARDROBE
French film Cardigans with the ‘knit’ factor
78 JUSTIN FASHANU 127 WATCH
Peter Tatchell looks back on 30 128 FASHIONLISTA
years since Justin Fashanu became Loafers
the first footballer to come out 130 THE NEW CLASSIC
82 BUSINESS PROFILE Matty Ball, principal of the Royal
Leigh Osborne, owner of Chiswick Ballet, raises the barre
Auctions 144 PORTFOLIO
146 FAVOURITE THINGS Fashion power couple Stefan
Diane Chorley Cooke and Jake Burt

8 NOVEMBER 2020
 P L U S S P E C I A L G U E S T S

T H E C O N F E T T I T O U R

A P R I L 2 0 2 1
WED / 28 D U B L I N FRI / 07 N E W C A S T L E THU / 20 B I R M I N G H A M
SOLD OUT 3ARENA UTILITA ARENA RESORTS WORLD ARENA
EXTRA DATE ADDED!
SAT / 08 N E W C A S T L E FRI / 21 B I R M I N G H A M
UTILITA ARENA
THU / 29 D U B L I N RESORTS WORLD ARENA
3ARENA
MON / 10 C A R D I F F
EXTRA DATE ADDED!
SOLD OUT MOTORPOINT ARENA
SAT / 22 B I R M I N G H A M
M A Y 2 0 2 1 TUE / 11 L E E D S
FIRST DIRECT ARENA RESORTS WORLD ARENA
SAT / 01 B E L F A S T
SOLD OUT SSE ARENA THU / 13 L O N D O N MON / 24 G L A S G O W
EXTRA DATE ADDED!
THE O2 THE SSE HYDRO
SUN / 02 B E L F A S T FRI / 14 L O N D O N TUE / 25 G L A S G O W
SSE ARENA THE O2 THE SSE HYDRO
EXTRA DATE ADDED!

TUE / 04 L I V E R P O O L SAT / 15 L O N D O N FRI / 28 M A N C H E S T E R

M&S BANK ARENA THE O2 AO ARENA
WED / 05 S H E F F I E L D MON / 17 N O T T I N G H A M SAT / 29 M A N C H E S T E R
FLYDSA ARENA MOTORPOINT ARENA AO ARENA

G I G S A N D T O U R S . C O M T I C K E T M A S T E R . C O . U K L I T T L E - M I X . C O M

NE W ALBUM C O N F E T T I OUT 6 NO VEM BE R

BLACK
MINDS UK
MATTER AN SJM CONCERTS, DF CONCERTS, MCD & AIKEN PRESENTATION BY ARRANGEMENT WITH SOLO

T I C K E T S O N S A L E N O W
 Meet
Laurène Pineau, designer THE BOYS ARE BACK
As a child we didn’t have a lot IN TOWN
of money and couldn’t afford The Boys in the Band is

the
to buy a Halloween costume. the Marvel’s Avengers
So, every year, my mum made of gay films with an all-

team
me a homemade witch’s dress star cast for unmissable
out of black bin bags. I didn’t queer viewing
mind, though, I felt like the
spookiest little witch in all the HAPPY TO SEE YOU,
WHAT IS YOUR land and hit my local streets SOGGY BOTTOMS
FAVOURITE for a trick-or-treat crawl with Great British Bake
HALLOWEEN the biggest smile on my face! Off is already self-
COSTUME? raising the nation’s
spirit

AG6 IN THE MIX

Will Stroude, web editor Ariana has new music on
Attempting to do the twins from the boil ready to banish
The Shining with my friend Lucy and the winter blues
ending up with ‘Conchita Wurst does
Little House on the Prairie’. A horror THE MADGE-IC
show, indeed. TOUCH?
We’re taking ideas for
actors to play Madonna in
her biopic in our conical
bra-shaped suggestion box
Matt Lister, writer
My favourite Halloween costume was my attempt

UP &
at being Trixie [Mattel], until she messaged my
friend to tell him I looked busted… So, the year
after, I went as a Cock Destroyer and, this time, DOWN
Rebecca More LOVED it. I guess Halloween is the
one night of the year we get to dress up as total
sluts — but I definitely manage more than just
one night of the year! WHAT WE’RE ROCKING
AND BLOCKING

P R I N T / O N LINE / TAB LET / M OBILE HANCOCK BANS COCK

Inter-household casual
Editor in chief Cliff Joannou Head of partnerships Mike Buckley sex banned unless
[email protected] [email protected] Subscriptions Enquiries you’re in an ‘established
Features editor Tom Stichbury [email protected]
[email protected] Commercial manager Andy Goddard relationship’ – do three
Sub editor Verity Willcocks [email protected]
01778 392005
texts and a dick pic
[email protected] 020 3598 6741
Account manager Joanna Hill Warners Subscription Department count?
Art director Gary Simons [email protected] Freepost, PE211, Bourne,
[email protected] 01342 872041 Lincolnshire PE10 9BR
Designer Laurène Pineau Sales executive Tom Doyle RIP RBG
[email protected] [email protected] Attitude is now available through the US Supreme Court
RNIB Newsagent service, which delivers
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Fashion and grooming director
the latest news, magazines and stories Justice Ruth Bader
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Joseph Kocharian Managing director Darren Styles OBE To subscribe to RNIB Newsagent, call the helpline Ginsburg was the
[email protected] Commercial director Craig Lewis on 0303 123 9999, or email them at: ultimate ally
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COVID CHRISTMAS
Web editor Will Stroude Copyright © Stream Publishing Ltd 2020 all rights reserved. No
[email protected] part of this magazine may be reproduced in whole or in part All I want for Christmas
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attitude.co.uk @attitude.co.uk @attitudemag @attitudemag

10 NOVEMBER 2020
 Editor
in
Chief ’s
Letter

I
’m doing… OK.  
On a scale of one to ten, where zero is outright, ‘cannot-get-out-of-bed’ dread, and ten is joyful,
‘singing-show-tunes-from-the-rafters’ glee, today I woke up hovering around a six. (And yes, maybe
that sounds bad, but it does make me wonder whether we are conditioned to think we should always
be running around with elated grins on our faces, or am I merely justifying my regular melancholy?
After all, if we’re forever at a glowing ten, can we really appreciate being happy if we don’t know what it’s
like not to be? And aren’t those eternally optimistic people skipping around at the ten end of the scale
the kind you just want to push under a bus?)  
But I digress…
Today, I slipped into some shorts, shot off to the gym to get the adrenalin pumping, treated myself to
a Nando’s double chicken burger, and then came home to my boyfriend making maple syrup-drenched
pancakes. That heavy six soon rounded itself up to a seven, possibly pushing seven-and-a-half.  
I’ve learned that my down days are often my subconscious calling for a reset, for me to switch off from

On
the world and social media and invest in my physical and mental wellbeing.
My mood takes more twists and turns than a thinly plotted ITV drama. My anxieties often like to fuck
with my head. It really doesn’t take much for my mental state to shift, from up to down and vice versa. the
I’m perpetually affected by the people around me. If a housemate is in a bad mood, mine becomes grey. cover
Same when family, friends or work colleagues are having difficulties. 
This isn’t my mood changing to simply show empathy when someone else
is having a shit time — my outlook can shift drastically because of this. It’s
probably the result of a quasi-religious, culturally repressive Greek Cypriot
“My mood takes
upbringing that meant spending the best part of my first two decades on this more twists
planet sweeping my emotions under a very lumpy rug and always putting the and turns than
needs and desires of others before my own wellbeing. Avoiding uncomfortable a thinly plotted
emotions is one of my many unwanted skills.   ITV drama”
I dare say that experience is not alien to a lot of LGBTQ people. Whether
growing up in a repressive society, religious household, or a trans/homophobic
family, our mental wellbeing can find itself at the bottom of the to-do list.  
This year has magnified these situations, with many queer people trapped with unsympathetic
families, or further isolated due to lockdowns/quarantines restricting how we meet our friends.   Photography Harol Baez
Styling Arnold Milfort
The unrelenting deluge of negative headlines, economic stress, ongoing attacks on the trans community Nico wears tank top, by
and the spotlight on systemic racism have compounded the stresses many of us already face. The fact that AllSaints, trousers, stylist’s
own, trainers, by COS,
there seems no end in sight to these issues ramps my anxiety levels up a gear. Although my down days are necklace and ring, both by
Versace
far from the heavy depression that many people battle, they can still be tough for me to work through. 
I consider myself lucky in that I have a roof over my head, a job, and the ability to find space to escape
to and reset when I’m having a tough day. I’m also very aware of my privilege. Although on some days
I might be having a mildly tough time on that scale of zero to ten, there are many people suffering far
worse, whose daily struggles make my mild, self-appointed six rating actually appear closer to a 10.
It’s why, in this issue of Attitude, I wanted to look at LGBTQ mental health during the year of COVID-19,
and do what we do best at the magazine and hear a range of queer stories and experiences that might
help to make us feel a little less alone during this time of extreme uncertainty.

LGBT helpline Switchboard is listening if you need somebody to talk to: 0330 330 0630 and switchboard.lgbt

Photography Markus Bidaux

Dan wears jacket, by
AllSaints, vest, by Marks
& Spencer, jeans, by ASOS
@CliffJoannou Design

12 NOVEMBER 2020
 L VES

PADDY HOPKIRK MINI

It was a giant killer’s tale made
real — Northern Ireland’s Paddy
Hopkirk at the wheel of a humble
Mini Cooper S won the 1964 Monte
Carlo Rally, a surprise victory that
took the little British car from
outsider and crowd pleaser to
motor-racing legend. And now,
almost 37 years since car number
37 made history, you can grab a
slice of it yourself with one of just
100 limited-edition, modern era
Paddy Hopkirk Minis produced to
mark the moment. Deliveries of the
Chili Red Mini Cooper S cars start
in November, priced from £27,405,
and carry Hopkirk’s signature on
bonnet stripe and dash, plus a
series of commemorative features
including the original car’s 33 EJB
registration embossed within.

mini.co.uk

14 NOVEMBER 2020
L VES

LACOSTE X ARÓN
PIPER
Lacoste has played an ace by
serving up actor Arón Piper,
who portrays a troubled budding
tennis player in the Spanish
Netflix teen drama, Elite, as the
face of their latest underwear
campaign. The new designs are
available in classic boxers, casual
briefs and boxer briefs, so all
you need to do is select your
favourite fit. As for colourways,
keep it simple with plain, block
colours, to show off that
Tricolore-inspired waistband,
or choose a bold print for more
playful days.

lacoste.com

NOVEMBER 2020 15
 L VES

SCOTT RAMSAY KYLE MONOGRAM YOURSELF

Artist Scott Ramsay Kyle is known for his saucy blend of suggestive
and sensual imagery, and his latest ‘Monogram Yourself’ range is no
different. Select your initial for a personalised gender-free t-shirt or
sweatshirt that’s adorned with erotic titbits including butts, torsos
and even the odd foot. Made from 100 per cent cotton, with organic,
recycled and recyclable fibres, and free from animal testing, the line
treads lightly on your conscience, too.

scottramsaykyle.me

16 NOVEMBER 2020
L VES

HOMOTOPIA
This year’s theme is ‘Show Your
Working’ as the UK’s longest-
running LGBTQIA arts and
culture festival returns. Taking
place from 29 October to 15
November, its organisers have
pulled together an eclectic
programme of physical and —
reflective of the times — online
events. For the first time since
March, the Liverpool Everyman
theatre will reopen its doors for a
string of unapologetically queer
shows, including The Homotopia
and Friends Fabulous Cabaret,
featuring homegrown talent such
as drag star Pretentious Dross.
Trans filmmaker and campaigner
Fox Fisher is artist-in-residence
and will host a series of
screenings and workshops.

homotopia.net

NOVEMBER 2020 17
 L VES

TRANSPARENT
SPEAKER
Living up to their name,
Stockholm-based electronics
brand Transparent made a whole
lotta noise with their trademark
see-through speakers — and
now the range is available in
classic black matte. Crafted
from one single aluminium
uniframe encasing the tempered
glass panels and components,
the what-it-says-on-the-tin
Transparent Speaker (£900)
boasts crystal-clear, studio-
quality sound and wireless
functionality. A smaller version
— a snip at £300 — is also a sheer
delight.

transpa.rent/en/

18 NOVEMBER 2020
 L VES

YVES SALOMON ARMY

Be a shapeshifter this season
with Yves Salomon’s refreshing
take on the winter cover-up.
For Autumn/Winter 2020, the
brand’s streetwear line, Army,
has engineered an intriguing
mash-up of the much-loved
parka and puffer coats. The
result is hybrid pieces that are
as polished and sleek as they
are practical. Form an orderly
(socially distanced) queue.

yves-salomon.com

NOVEMBER 2020 19
 L VES

BROOK + WILDE
Being kept awake by a Boris-
shaped bogeyman and the living
nightmare that is the coronavirus
crisis? You should be able to
sleep a little easier with the help
of luxury bedding brand Brook
+ Wilde, who have launched the
Marlowe goose down duvet (£629
for a double) and pillow (£229)
set. Both are compliant with
the Zero Tolerance Standard –
the filling doesn’t come from
live animals and each feather
can be traceable back to the
breeding area. Super-soft and
comfortable, brace yourself for a
real, ahem, tog of war if you share
a bed with somebody.

brookandwilde.com

20 NOVEMBER 2020
L VES

CASA MOMBASA
Greetings, racial and sexual
representation. If you’re a
minority searching for a card to
mark a special occasion, you’ll
be hard pushed to find one that
speaks to your community in
what is still a very white-washed
industry. Black-owned online
store Casa Mombasa, set up by
sisters Amy and Abi, addresses
this imbalance with a range of
cards (£4 each) — and wall art
(£30 per piece) — inspired by their
Caribbean and African heritage.
Bold and bright, the diverse line
also captures the experiences of
LGBTQIA+ and disabled people.
We love to see it.

casamombasa.store
@casamombasa

NOVEMBER 2020 21
 KEEP YOUR DICK IN YOUR

…for survival in a horror film PANTS. Movie serial killers

tend to be massive slut-
shamers (eurgh) and the virgin
always makes it to the end.
Have OnlyFans? Sorry, hun,
bye-bye .

HAVE A SPRING CLEAN. Clear that corridor

and stairwell. If you’re being pursed by a
masked murderer, the last thing you need is
to trip over your dirty jockstrap.

NEVER SAY “I’LL BE RIGHT BACK” —

because, bitch, you won’t be. Like when
your dad left your mum and said he’d still
see you at weekends. It ain’t happening.

AVOID HOUSE PARTIES. You’re catnip in

a crowd. The government has made this a
lot easier – don’t meet with more than six
peeps, but please do hop on the Tube and
grab a Pret!

TURN AROUND, YOU STUPID COW —

yes, he’s behind you. Tip: pretend you’re
in an episode of America’s Next Top
Model, constantly serving over-the-
shoulder realness.

TRY NOT TO GET SEPARATED FROM YOUR

FRIENDS. Unless so-and-so has really
fucked you over. Tell him to investigate
that strange sound in the woods – that’ll
teach him!
DON’T GO INTO THE BASEMENT OR THE
GARAGE. You may have found yourself
in a tight hole before, but this is a much
stickier situation.

ALWAYS ASSUME THAT YOUR

ATTACKER IS STILL ALIVE,
no matter how many times
you think you’ve finished them
off. Like Shangela, they keep
coming back!

22 NOVEMBER 2020
 BIG IS S U E

RAMA
QUEENS
Actor Chris Clynes
on when it’s right –
and wrong – for a
straight actor to play
gay. And vice versa…

The fantastic Ben Whishaw once said that as

an actor it can be detrimental to reveal one’s

W
hy might an actor be cast for a private life, as the job of an actor is to create
role? Characterisation, height, hair a world where an audience can immerse
colour, voice quality, availability themselves, which is harder if said audience
and… sexuality? In 13 years of being an actor, I ask, “You’re not gay, are you?” in auditions? know too much about the actor’s offscreen
have never been asked about my sexuality in I very much doubt it. Are they covertly life. It’s a sentiment that I understand, while
an audition, and I have been chosen for both researching the sexuality of actors to assess also recognising that every industry needs
straight and queer parts. Yet this seems to be a suitability? Possibly. visual representation of LGBTQ people,
hot topic for discussion in the light of various The question is, are they intentionally because the world has a long way to go.
gay roles in high-profile films being played by casting straight actors to play gay roles? In terms of roles, sexual preference is only
publicly straight actors. Maybe, but why? Would the film flop if part of the story. An actor’s job is to research
Take Crazy Rich Asians star Henry Golding, the lead actor was publicly gay? I believe and understand the broader intricacies of
who landed a role in Monsoon, playing a gay the answer to that question is rather what makes a character tick. The writer-
character. Golding has had to defend this disappointing. I am told much of Hollywood director of a multi-award-winning short
casting decision by saying that the journey (and perhaps the British film industry) think LGBTQ-themed film I appeared in did not
of the character doesn’t hinge on the fact this would indeed affect identify as LGBTQ herself, she
that the person is gay. But would it be a profits. I don’t believe this “Every industry was simply gifted enough to
problem if it did? Acting can be an extremely way of thinking to be right. needs visual understand the complexities
tough profession and gaining any role is I hope that at some point representation of involved to successfully tell
a real achievement, so to reach the career someone will break the mould such a story. In Gentleman
heights that he has should surely be cause for and create positive change,
LGBTQ people” Jack, a personal favourite,
congratulations, particularly when it is widely even if it means losing out on a few cinema straight actress Suranne Jones magnificently
accepted that actors with an Asian heritage, like ticket sales due to societal homophobia. and convincingly plays a lesbian in a
Golding, are vastly overlooked in Hollywood. Perhaps a film would be more successful if the story which is heavily, but not exclusively,
Some people believe that gay characters protagonist were gay? influenced by the character’s sexuality.
should be exclusively portrayed by actors who If actors are being discriminated against I believe two things are of prime
are gay themselves, and furthermore, publicly because of their sexuality, then, of course, this importance here: first, that LGBTQAI+
out and proud. must be addressed and steps taken to create stories are being told on TV and in films,
This belief, I am told, stems from an a more equal playing field. But does this in Hollywood especially, to not only reflect
apparent lack of opportunities available to mean gay characters should only be played by society, but to actively aid a shift towards
gay actors in the film industry, particularly openly gay actors? global tolerance and acceptance; and second,
STEVEN VAN / UNSPLASH

in Hollywood, which made me wonder how a Sexuality can be personal, evolving or that no actor — straight, gay, bi or otherwise
producer or casting director would know such simply unimportant to an individual who — is discriminated against because of their
personal and often private information in may also feel no shame or fear, but simply sexuality. After all, aren’t actors supposed to
order to commit such discrimination. Do they that their private life should be kept that way. play… other people?

NOVEMBER 2020 23
 Priyanka
Sashaying into the
workroom of Canada’s Dra colour pink growing up, so I
Race, Priyanka exclaimed love that there is a bird living
“What’s my name?!” As the their best life as the colour I
first Indo-Caribbean winne was told not to wear.
in Drag Race herstory, this Which cocktail best suits your
queen’s name is now on personality?
everyone’s lips. Sex on the Beach.
Remember, if in doubt: What would your fragrance
“Just be gay!” be called, and what
ingredients would it contain?
SNIFF – it would smell like
sex, love and rock ’n’ roll.
What were your rejected drag What would your
names? superpower be?
I have none – Priyanka was the To read people’s minds .
perfect one! Call me now!
Describe yourself in three Your house is on fire. What
emojis. single item would you save?
I would save my ego. I can’t live
Describe your drag style in five without her.
words. Let’s play Cluedo! You’ve been
Iconic. Popstar. Unpredictable. slayed: who did it, where and
Chaotic. SEXY! with what?
Best pick-up line someone has Lemon. In the bathroom. With
said to you? a mirror. She was mad because
“Are you Priyanka from I’m prettier than her!
Canada’s Drag Race? I’ll make What does it say on your
you say my name.” gravestone?
What’s the worst thing someone “JUST BE GAY.”
could say to you in bed? Which Drag Race sister would
I love this question. The worst you haunt and why?
thing they’ve said was: “Don’t Scarlett BoBo – she wants the
tell Tynomi we slept together!” crown!
How would (or does) your What does your heaven look like?
Grindr profile read? Sour-patch kids.
I don’t have Grindr, but if I did, And your hell?
it would say: “Message me if Any time I’m in the same room
you’re a starfucker.” with Jimbo.
Biggest turn-on? You’ve been abducted by aliens.
When a guy holds the back of “If I could be any inanimate object What is your parting message
my neck when he’s kissing to Earth?
me. Or a guy who says my in the world, I would be a stapler. I “Bye c****!”
boy name while we’re… like to keep things together” The library has re-opened. Give
penetrating. us one last read…
And turn-off? “Jimbo, I totally get why people
When people say “sorry” too said your denim-on-denim look
many times in bed. LIKE, STOP object in the world, what would What’s Her Name? starring Anne was the best of the season…
BEING SORRY! you be? Hathaway. your face was covered.”
What is your safe word? I would be a stapler. I like to keep What’s your life motto?
Jimbo. things together. Work so hard that your dreams All episodes of Canada’s Drag
What keeps you awake at night? What would a film of your life have no choice but to come true. Race are available to watch on
Anxiety in relationships. be called, and who would star What’s your spirit animal? BBC iPlayer
If you could be any inanimate as you? Flamingo. I was scared to like the @thequeenpriyanka

24 NOVEMBER 2020
 In my view

#INSTAMAN THIS
ISSUE
ANTHONY GILET AMROU AL-KADHI MAX WALLIS JONNY WOO
@twong911

BASED IN SAN FRANCISCO,

TIM WONG IS A PRODUCT
The Ghost of Dating’s Present
DESIGNER AT FACEBOOK –
AND WE THINK YOU’LL AGREE “So, when are we gonna meet?” that night being his dad vibe.) So, I was
THAT THERE IS A LOT TO ‘LIKE’ Was Hottie finally getting sick of our surprised when I hadn’t heard from him a
constant back-and-forth? He’d gradually few days later. I’m not so precious that I can’t
become a low-interest love interest. You message a guy first, so I hit him up and he
know the one; you exchange a few messages, responded rather bluntly. (I usually don’t
swap a couple nudes, ignore each other for mind blunt, if it’s the smoking kind.) And
a month or so, and then then… white noise.
repeat, despite living in “If a man isn’t keen, Was he ghosting me?
neighbouring boroughs. I’ve been ghosted a couple
This had been going on for
he’s already fallen of times on apps recently.
about a year, maybe more… at the first hurdle” And in that moment my
(Time flies when you’re mind frantically scanned
browsing apps for sex with strangers.) the conversations and the possible things I
Low-interest love interests usually occur when had done to put all these men off. It forced
you’re just not that into him… but the feeling me to step back and ask the bigger question
Is that a bulge in your bicep, or is mutual. Don’t get me wrong, he is attractive, at hand… who cares? Hottie had been nice
are you just pleased to see me? but I have to really want to fuck someone to put enough, but he wasn’t an intended beau,
myself through hook-up anxiety. so why was I sweating, let alone
“Tonight?” I responded. I was feeling worrying, about what a stranger
especially spontaneous after a friend cancelled thought of me?
dinner and I’d already showered. I told Sometimes, ghosting can
Hottie I’d grab some beers en route, and he feel like a personal attack,
suggested we drink them in his hot tub. which it rarely is. But it is
A fucking hot tub?! If I’d have known awkward. So, although it’s
that, I’d have been banging not pleasant to accept that he
him every day since isn’t exactly bowing down and
lockdown. Hence why serving gifts like I am Jesus in
he’d been dubbed the manger, ultimately, it’s a
‘hottie’ in the group good thing.
chat; not because What I had to remind
We’d be grinning from ear to ear, he was classically myself is that when a man
too, if we had so many balls in handsome, but isn’t keen, he’s already fallen
our face… because he had a hot at the first hurdle. If he
tub. Well, you know doesn’t recognise the good
what they say, a man is things I have to offer, that’s
only as shallow as the his issue, not mine. It’s too
Jacuzzi he’s having sex easy to over-analyse every
in. (And this one was brush-off as my problem.
apparently 4ft deep!) My gay mates often
The evening went complain that men refuse to
well and it was hard settle down because there are
not to notice how too many options out there,
affectionate he was; yet we seem to forget our own
repeatedly kissing dating faux pas the moment a
my forehead potential recruit to our thirsty
throughout 24 man army bruises our ego.
Well, Tim certainly has a type —
he loves a big, hairy bear! Hours in A&E. (The As they say in the armed
only emergency forces, “Onwaaard!”

26 NOVEMBER 2020
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 Being
human
The Walking Dead: World Beyond
star Nico Tortorella speaks to Cliff
Joannou about their journey to
loving their queerness, staying sober
and why bottoming is totally masc
Photography Harol Baez
Styling Arnold Milfort

30 NOVEMBER 2020
 Nico Tortorella

Nico wears faux fur jacket,

waistcoat, jeans and
boots, all by Dsquared2,
vintage belt, Nico’s own
>

NOVEMBER 2020 31
Nico wears jacket and
leather trousers, both
by Philipp Plein
 Nico Tortorella

t’s a time of mixed emotions for actor, writer and artist Nico has previously spoken about their experiences with
Nico Tortorella. South American spiritual medicines including kambo and
Just as the Scream 4 and Younger actor was gearing up ayahuasca, powerful psychoactive substances that have
for promo duties around a new leading role in The Walking been used in cleansing rituals for thousands of years. 
Dead: World Beyond series — the latest instalment from the “I’ve been thinking about what we leave behind,” Nico
hit zombie franchise — Nico has had to rush to Chicago to says, contemplatively. “My grandma was an antique
be at the bedside of their ailing grandmother. I’m informed dealer, and I was going through her store all morning:
that the outlook is critical.  what we actually build and create, and what
“No one close to me has ever passed,” Nico, happens to the stuff when we go if people
32, says as we chat via video call from the don’t want it, and where I am, both on a
family home. “She was one of my best friends.” physical and an emotional level.” 
Nico rolls up a sleeve to reveal a tattooed We’ve gone deep, so we might as well dive
arm featuring the faces of various family right in. I proffer that it’s not too dissimilar
members and points to one of the tattoos. to the kinds of questions ancient Egyptians
“That’s her. We’re very, very close. But it’s good. I “I’ve never been had when they buried people with their
feel good about it.”  afraid of dying or possessions. The questions about what we do
I share how I lost my father unexpectedly at people close to with our time on this planet are not new.  
a young age and that, oddly, it was a television “Right. I don’t think any of this shit is new,”
interview I saw with George Michael in which me dying. It’s part Nico adds. “We like to think that we’re living in
he talks about his mother’s death that put of what we do” a moment where, ‘There’s never been a time
things into perspective for me. The late singer like this before. It’s never been crazier. The
explained how the passing of somebody you world has never been more on fire than it is
truly love pulls you into adulthood. In that right now.’ I’m like, y’all please, compared to
life-changing moment, your value system what went down in the past, that’s nothing.
shifts and the silly, material things that we The only difference is we have the internet,
often concern ourselves with no longer matter.  so we can see it all. But all of this shit’s been going on for
“That makes sense. I love that,” Nico muses. “I’ve thousands of years.” 
never been afraid of death at all. I mean, maybe that has Fair point. Perversely, I suggest, there’s more compassion
something to do with not actually experiencing it first- and more space to find camaraderie in our individuality
hand, but I’ve never been afraid of dying or people close to because of the internet. Granted, it’s far from a perfect
me dying. It’s part of what we do. I guess a lot of my work world, but in the past there was very little compassion if
with plant medicine and multi-dimensional travel has you were different – be it because of your sexuality, gender
helped with that mindset.”  identity, race or other. You often simply had to hide.   >

NOVEMBER 2020 33
 Nico nods, elaborating how the big difference now they’re as dashing on a video call from a cramped wood-
is we don’t have time to sit with our emotions. “I think panelled study as they are on a glossy television show.
the hardest part right now is just that there’s no time to “We wrapped shooting the series right before Christmas,”
grieve anything, because the second something happens, they say. “January through March was wonderful. I
something else is happening at the same time. There’s a had some time off. I was expecting to go straight to
new news cycle the next day. I think we have lost the time shooting Younger season 7, at the beginning of March. And
to grieve as a people. And it’s so important… so important. The Walking Dead: World Beyond was supposed to come out
“We may have more compassion, yes, but I feel like we’re in April, but obviously our sky has fallen.  
also way more desensitized. I think that we’re flooded with “It was interesting, though, dealing with this idea that
all of this horrific imagery on a daily basis, and it doesn’t potentially our show was going to come out during the
affect us at all in the same way it used to.   pandemic. It’s so far from what’s happening in the world,
“We are seeing real people kill other real people way too but also relatively close. Doing press right now, people are
often. And it doesn’t hurt us any more. I mean, not in the like, ‘What’s the new show about?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, well, we’re
same way that it may have.”  living it.’ They’re like, ‘We may not have zombies walking
The parallels between society’s ability to numb its around eating people, yet.’” Nico grins. “Not yet…”  
feelings to real-world issues or those of the fictional
settings in television shows are perhaps a little I think from the perspective of those outside
too real compared to Nico’s recent experience the USA, we are hopeful that Trump will lose the
in his latest lead role, in which he spends his election. But what people in the UK don’t really
screen time in survival mode in a world overrun understand is the regional level that exists in the
by brain-eating zombies. And, as any film US. When you look at all the local radio stations,
theorist will tell you,  the undead on screen are “We are seeing news outlets and media platforms, there’s still a
often a metaphor for our common fears around
war, mass contagion, globalisation, and racial
real people kill very real chance that Trump could win. Does that
feel like a real threat to you?
sublimation.  other people too It absolutely feels like a threat. I’m scared.
“I was living in a post-apocalyptic universe often. It doesn’t To be honest, either way, whatever happens,
every day at work before any of this happened,”
Nico says. “I was literally killing zombies.” 
hurt us any more” it’s going to be violent. It’s going to be wild.
We’re fully on the brink, if not actively
The biggest question Nico had was what this living, through a civil war in the USA. We
new take on the Walking Dead franchise — set ten watch it happen in major cities. Look what’s
years after the flagship series — would bring to happening in Seattle, in Chicago. That looks
the table? “I had my own answer that I think we’re like a war to me. It’s grim. It is bleak out here.
living in this world of people who are alive and people who And I think to answer your question, how do you keep
are walkers, literal zombies, walking around attached to hope alive? That’s basically the question, right? 
their phone, attached to whatever news cycle, holding up I suppose it is. 
the flags and protesting for either side.”   I go back to what we were saying, that this isn’t new.
The show runners stated how the only binary that We’ve been doing this for a long fucking time, and it’s
existed in this new universe was ‘dead’ or ‘alive’. “Everything been a lot worse than it is right now. And some people
else goes away. And that’s profound. What does it look like will absolutely disagree with me when I say that, but we
to see everyone as an equal, no matter where you stand are adaptable and we are human and we hurt and we
on a gender spectrum of sexuality, race, socioeconomic bend and we break, but we continue, no matter what.
background? Dead and alive, that’s all we get. And that And we have, for thousands and thousands of years. 
really got me excited about the show and about this I guess society is not just going to change with a new
character, Felix, who is a queer superhero.”  president, because there’s going to be a lot of angry
With the help of the writers and the series creators, people and the damage that’s been done over the past
Nico — who is non-binary and uses the ‘they’ pronoun — four years is not suddenly going to be undone. No.
sought to bring Felix to life in a way that we don’t always And it’s not just the president. There’s the Senate,
see queer characters on screen. His sexuality and who he’s there’s the House. The president is the face of a much
in a relationship with is refreshingly incidental to his larger web of corruption that exists on all sides. If
character development. you’re having a conversation of Republican versus
Nico shifts on the seat, pulls back a grey beanie hat and Democrat, it’s not good versus evil. There is good and
runs their fingers through their hair. It’s hard not to swoon, evil that lives on both sides of the spectrum. I definitely >

34 NOVEMBER 2020
 Nico Tortorella

Nico wears turtleneck,

by Karl Lagerfeld,
briefs, by Versace

NOVEMBER 2020 35
 live on the left, but I think there’s a difference between
being a practical leftist and a radical leftist. Anyone
that’s doing the work, yes, you are an angel, but there’s
also work to be done behind the scenes. 
Talking about progress and evolution, let’s talk about
your own journey. A lot of it has been played out publicly
as you learned who you are and discovered your identity.
In terms of your sexuality and your gender, when did you
first realise you were different?  
I always felt different, beyond even my gender or
sexuality. I think that I started to realise that certain
things were wrong at a young age, within my own
family, in conversations, because of how they were
taught and what the world looked like when they were
growing up. There’s no blame being thrown at any one
person or my family.  
I think at a young age, I started to recognise that
feelings that I had, and things that I think are OK and
beautiful, like two people loving each other, that is a
beautiful thing. That’s what we’re here to do. We’re here
to love each other. Why would anyone ever tell me that
that’s not OK? And I remember seeing what was wrong
with the world at a young age, rather than what was
wrong with me.  
Even though I had every single person telling me
that, “No, that’s what’s wrong with you. You can change,
you can’t change the world.” And I was like, “No, fuck
that. I’m just going to try to change the world.” That
was a belief system in me from a very, very young age.  
Did you ever doubt yourself?  
Of course, I think that’s human nature. I think that
questioning who you are and who you love, there has
to be doubt that lives in that, because of the way our
world looks. As someone who is attracted to more than
one gender, it is hard for people to wrap their heads
around any sort of bisexuality or pansexuality.  And
you’re told, like every other binary that exists in the
world, gender included, that you have to pick one side.
The space between didn’t exist. I’d been told that doesn’t
exist, but this is how I feel. I thought “Am I convincing

36 NOVEMBER 2020
 Nico Tortorella

myself that it exists?”  

But the older I got, and the more that I grew,
the more that I learned about the community, the
colonization of the planet, and what that did to gender
and sexuality. I became more confident, more well-
informed. We were all fucked over a long, long time ago.
When was the first time that you learned that sex was
pleasurable?  
I grew up in a very sex-positive house. My mum owned
a bar that had pictures of women stripping. And my
mum bought me my first Playboy when I was young.
I was really allowed that freedom to find my own
sexuality. I have a cousin that taught me, “OK, this is
how you jerk off.” And I was probably in, I don’t know,
third, fourth grade, when he showed me what to do.
I was like, “Oh, this is actually beyond mental. This is
physical as well.” 
Did you have a coming-out moment with your family
where you explained to them that you weren’t binary and
your sexuality was much more fluid than what they would
traditionally expect?  
It’s been a slow burn. I think that my own
understanding of the binary of sexuality and the
binary of gender has transitioned over the years, and I
try to more educate than necessarily explain who I am
with my family. I had a very serious boyfriend at one
point, and that’s when I told certain family members
that I was dating somebody that wasn’t a girl. I was
24, 25. But because I speak on the human condition so
publicly, my family will see certain things, whether it’s
a fucking TMZ video or an article in the New York Times,
and then we can have a conversation from there.
So it’s not like I have to explicitly detail everything
that’s happening. They go and they do their homework
and then we’re allowed to have a conversation if
they want to. I’m not trying to preach. I’m not trying
to push any information down anyone’s throat. If
someone’s curious and wants to learn more, I’m here
to have the conversation.  
You talked before about having difficult relationships >
Nico wears blazer,
by Domenico Vacca,
tank top, by Calvin
Klein Underwear,
jeans, by DL 1961,
belt, by AllSaints

NOVEMBER 2020 37
Nico wears tank top,
by AllSaints, trousers,
stylist’s own, trainers, by
COS, necklace and ring,
both by Versace
 Nico Tortorella

with the male figures in your life — has that progressed at sober a few times before. I have amazing willpower.
all? Are you any closer to your father?   If I decide that I’m going to do or not do something,
Yeah. It’s definitely progressed. I mean, it was never at I can flip that switch very fucking easily. And like an
a point where we had estranged relationships. I think addict, it becomes very easy for me to fall head over
that I’m able to see where they fit into my own life and heels into anything. And sobriety was just one of
my family’s puzzle as the years progress. It’s really just those things, it was all or nothing.
finding that forgiveness and compassion that we were Well, I guess you saw that you could be your best self
talking about.   without that. And it was holding you back.
The second you’re able to forgive someone, no Yeah. Alcohol in general is a depressant. It’s not a
matter who they are, all that weight is kind of lifted. psychoactive at all. It doesn’t raise your level of
And there’s no malice, there’s no hard feeling, there is consciousness even slightly. And I think for a while,
no, “I wish you would have done this differently.” That’s I felt like it was. I felt like it was a creative outlet,
on them. If they wish they would’ve done something it was a social outlet. I felt I was a lifted individual.
differently at some point, cool. But if not, it’s not an But when you are actually able to face alcohol head-
issue. I have been able to forgive the people closest to on and see how much it is bringing your energetic
me, and I try to forgive the people that are doing wrong being down, you just fucking let it go, because it
in the world, as terrible as it is.   doesn’t serve anything. It’s fun for a minute, but
You mentioned getting sober. When did you it’s this supposed freedom, a false spirituality,
realise you had an issue with drink?   where you were able to be a different version
From a young age, probably early 20s. Once I of yourself because of this crutch.
stepped into Hollywood — and I’m speaking Would you describe yourself as spiritual?
of Hollywood as a mindset, not necessarily “I’ve
ebbeen We are spiritual beings. I think, especially
the specific place — but the industry of
Hollywood that exists in LA and New York.
soberr for six as queer people, the ability to look in the
mirror and make the decision to be different,
You get things thrown at you, your picture yearsrs from especially given the fact that everyone tells
taken, you are followed everywhere you alcohol,, and every us that we’re wrong at every step of the way.
go, you have these huge parties, drugs.
It’s incredible, and I wouldn’t trade it for
day is a lesson” To choose to live an identity that is othered,
that’s a conversation with God. I mean, for me,
anything. But it’s expected of you to be one of the most profound things that we can
fucked-up at that age. And mid 20s, I was like, do as human beings is figure out who we are,
“Oh, this isn’t cute any more. I don’t need to whether we’re queer or not, figure out who we
keep doing this. Why am I drinking on my are and what it means to be alive and how we
own? This is stupid. I’m hurting myself and hurting find happiness. That’s finding God.
people around me.” It destroyed every romantic How did you meet Bethany?  
relationship that I had up until that point. So I just We were in college. It was 14, 15 years ago, days after
got out, and figured it out on my own, and I’ve been I moved out of my parents’ house. And we just met
sober for six years from alcohol, and every day is a and that was it. We started this lifelong journey of
lesson.   a friendship first. I mean, Bethany’s my best friend
Did you come to any conclusions about where those and we have been through a ton of shit together.
addictions or that struggle came from?   It’s crazy that we met the person that we married at
They’re definitely linked to sexuality, gender, my such a young age. We talk about it all the time.
job, my family, to my DNA. I’m not the first one in But it hasn’t always been easy. It’s been a lot of trial
my family in this position. And drinking culture in and error and figuring out who we were, both on a
general. It’s what we’re supposed to do in high school, public level and a private level, and claiming queerness
college. And there’s really not anyone looking after is not an easy thing to do at any level. But it’s been
us. We’re not taught about the dangers. You’re either challenging and also incredibly rewarding navigating
drinking or you’re not. And really the only source of our queerness on a public level, given the laundry list
help is AA. And as amazing as AA is, it doesn’t work of privileges that we both have, both as individuals
for everybody.  and as a couple. It’s been a work in progress and a
How did you get sober?  beautiful one. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
I stopped cold turkey. I went on a week-long juice When did you realise that you were in love with her?
cleanse and never looked back. I had tried getting Very quickly. I’m a deep lover and it can happen very >

NOVEMBER 2020 39
 Nico wears blazer, by
John Varvatos, trousers
by Iceberg, glasses,
stylist’s own

40 NOVEMBER 2020
 Nico Tortorella

Nico wears faux fur jacket,

waistcoat, jeans and
boots, all by Dsquared2,
vintage belt, Nico’s own

>

NOVEMBER 2020 41
 fast and still continues to, with other people and with trying to figure it out.  
Bethany on a regular basis. We really saw each other. You commented in a post that your sexual position is
We were the first people to really see each other in our versatile. What do you think about the stereotypes that
entirety, and it definitely made me question a lot of men can’t enjoy anal sex — whether they are a straight guy
things. As life continued to move forward, the other or otherwise — because it undermines their masculinity?  
person was just always there. There was this loyalty that I think that’s just a problem with the asshole in general,
never went away, no matter how far apart we were. No and deeming body parts as dirty or filthy. I think that
matter how long we had been dating someone else or is like a deep-rooted issue with the body in general,
how long we were living in a different state or country, for whether you’re male-bodied or a female-bodied. But I
that matter, the other person was always there and it was think specifically for men to be put in this ‘sub-position’
fucking beautiful then, and it’s fucking beautiful now.   is not masculine, when anyone who’s bottomed ever
One of the many descriptions that you’ve used for knows that you need to man the fuck up to get the job
your relationship is queer polyamorous. What are the done. So, I don’t think there’s anything more masculine
assumptions that other people make about Beth and than bottoming, let’s be honest.  
yourself, that make you eye-roll?   I read that your family had a tough time processing your
That we’re out here fucking all the time and we have relationship when you started talking about how open it
all of these other partners. No, that’s not the was. Do they get it now? 
case. Bethany and I both have very individual With a lot of Italian families, we are known
relationships with our sexualities. And they to keep everything inside. Don’t fucking air
ebb and flow. And we aren’t swingers. We don’t your dirty laundry. Don’t tell anyone anything,
have relationships with other couples. Not whether it’s sex, money, medical bills. Just keep
that we’re opposed to it, but that’s just not “My own sharing your shit to yourself. And I’m just not that
something that we have done. I am kind of a
serial monogamist in my polyamory. 
is driven by my person. I like knowing about other people’s
lives. That’s really what it comes down to.  
I’ve explained this term before, but it’s a lot of curiosity to learn My own sharing and my truth is driven
fancy words jumbled together for, I love dating more about by my own curiosity to learn more about
one person at a time. I’m married, yes, but I love
dating one person at a time. I have a partner in
other people” other people. I know that it seems quite self-
masturbatory to be out here talking about
LA that I’ve had for a long time, but I’m not his myself on a regular basis, but that’s just the
only partner; he’s not my only partner.   fucking tip of the iceberg. What’s actually
I think both of those words, queer and happening behind the scenes, the work that
polyamorous, are heavily weighted, and they I’m doing in a lot of different fields, is driven
mean different things to different people. And what by that curiosity of other people and other people’s
they mean to us works for us. And sometimes it doesn’t. lives, and really leveraging my voice and my platform
Sometimes it doesn’t even work for us. We still struggle. for the sake of the world and not for the sake of my
We’re not experts in any of these fields. But what’s world.  
different about it is we’re having these conversations I’ve got one more question for you. Were you pissed off that
publicly. Every single day is a learning process for us. The you didn’t win Celebrity Drag Race?  
next step is us bringing children into the conversation Yeah. I was pissed [off]. That was a hard fucking day.
and into the mix. We don’t have all the answers, but we’re That was a hard week. That was a hard month. I was
going to figure it out. I’m sure other people will try to give pissed [off]. I am thrilled that I was able to be on that
us unsolicited advice on a regular basis. show and talk about the things that I did. I wish that
Do people assume that because you’re polyamorous you aree other people were allowed on that show in ways that
these rampant sexual creatures? they’re not, and I wish I would have fucking won. 
Yeah. Like they do on Instagram, I think that peoplle Celebrity Drag Race All Stars then? 
hyper-sexualize a lot of things, and we throw ou ur Yeah, All Stars. I’m here for it. I’m waiting for the call.
own sexual desires onto other people. We project a lot l I’m going to need a personal stylist and makeup artist.
as humans. And I think that we’re all still a little bit b So that’s going to prove to be a little bit complicated
confused when it comes to our sexualities and our o with the other girls, but I’m here for it.
sexual power. We’re all still kind of confused when n it
comes to sexuality, gender, relationships, to how we The Walking Dead: World Beyond is available on Amazon
treat ourselves and how we treat others. And I’m just Prime Video on 2 October

42 NOVEMBER 2020
 Nico Tortorella

Nico wears coat, by Karl

Lagerfeld, t-shirt, by John
Varvatos, shirt (in hand), by
Dsquared2, jeans, by Golden
Goose, hat, by OTM

GROOMING
Laila Hayani at
Forward Artists
 Dan wears jacket, by
AllSaints, vest, by
Marks & Spencer

44 NOVEMBER 2020
 DANIEL HOWELL

BASICALLY,
I’M GAY
YouTube star and self-
described “sad, gay clown”
Daniel Howell tells us why
sharing really is caring when
it comes to mental health
and sexuality

Words Thomas Stichbury

Photography Markus Bidaux

NOVEMBER 2020 45
 andom acts of kindness depression and I thought for a long time,
often flutter into existence am I going to share this? I didn’t want to be
when you least expect judged… Are people going to want to work
them. I am in the middle of with me? Are friends going to ice me out?
telling Dan Howell about “I was terrified, but then I put it out there

R
a homophobic encounter into the world. It wasn’t even that I was
I recently had with a guy, surprised by how accepting people were… it
who was mid-pee, in a [was] just the fact that people liked it more.
pub toilet — no, I wasn’t They were like, ‘This is funnier because you’re
cruising, how very dare you! — when a woman talking about real shit.’
walks over and interrupts our conversation. “Then I became the ‘mental health guy’.
“Missing anything, boys?” she asks, eyebrow Great, I’m not just the relatable clown, now
playfully arched, brandishing a mobile phone I’m the sad clown, which was the natural
in her hand. journey to me becoming the sad, gay clown a
“Oh, my fucking phone!” Dan shrieks, year later.”
having left it on a bench we’d briefly parked Lifting the lid on his battle with mental
our behinds on. “You’re a good human being. health led Dan to address the other elephant
Do you want some money?” in the room — or, rather, the “giant Babadook
After wafting away any suggestion of in the darkness — gay icon, by the way”.
payment, the bleach blonde-haired, tattooed In June last year — Pride month,
stranger strolls off. appropriately — Dan posted a video entitled
“We’re literally having a conversation about Basically, I’m Gay, in which he confronted his
having no faith in humanity,” Dan says. “Is she sexuality for the first time, both personally
an angel? Did we manifest her? I feel like we’re and publicly.
having a moment.” “I knew I was obviously not straight my
The YouTube star and I had agreed to whole life… [but] it was for the first time
meet for a socially distanced sit-down at an acknowledging this truth about myself and,
outdoor café in Finsbury Park. Turns out in working out what my own story was, I had
that, at the time of our interview, Dan, 29, to confront all of these aspects of my life that
hadn’t left his house since lockdown was I just hadn’t dealt with before,” he begins.
enforced and he is understandably anxious. “I was sat quietly by myself thinking, OK, I
My preposterously sized vat of hand sanitiser want to talk about this publicly, I want to get
settles some of his nerves. this out of the way, I don’t want a skeleton in
“My self-destructive comedy persona is my closet… I just said out loud to myself: ‘I’m
obviously complete bullshit, because here gay.’ It was really profound, [because] I’d been
I am desperately hand-sanitising every five running away from that two-word admission
minutes,” he smiles. my entire life.
Dan’s winning schtick is his ability “I started this wild process that involved
to funnel the funny from his trials and coming out to my family, coming out to my
tribulations. Not that Dan is flippant about friends, burning some bridges… I put it out
what he has been through; he simply dissects there into the world in the most huge way
his personal dramas with a dollop of dark possible [and] if I thought it was intimidating
humour. It is highly relatable stuff that has opening up about my mental health, the day I
seen him amass millions of followers online. uploaded that was a whole other thing.
“My niche has always been making fun of “I don’t know if it’s just cynicism
myself and it’s crazy to think that I uploaded from having [had] a traumatising queer
a YouTube video 10 years ago for no reason, childhood, but I was shocked by how nice the
just trying to be funny on the internet, talking reception was.”
about the fact [that] I’m a butterfingers and In the video – which has clocked up more
drop things all the time,” he recalls. than 11 million views – Dan details the
“As the years went on, that continued and difficulties he faced growing up, from his dad’s
then one day I realised I was struggling with “I SAID OUT LOUD TO flippant references to Aids as “bum cancer” to >
MYSELF: ‘I’M GAY’… I’D
BEEN RUNNING AWAY
FROM THAT TWO-
WORD ADMISSION MY
ENTIRE LIFE”

46 NOVEMBER 2020
 DANIEL HOWELL

Dan wears jumpsuit, by

Alexander McQueen

NOVEMBER 2020 47
 Dan wears jacket, by
AllSaints, vest, by
Marks & Spencer

48 NOVEMBER 2020
 DANIEL HOWELL

being badly bullied at school; he describes one through and the years of speculation online,
incident where a boy put a hand around his I’m pissed off.
throat, pushed his head against a coat peg and “Everyone’s like, ‘Congrats, you’re over it,
slapped him for five minutes. good, we’re done talking about you,’ and I’m
At his lowest point, Dan attempted to take sat here with all of this anger. What do I do
his own life. “I felt like I knew the world with all this rage? Go for a wank, I guess,”
and I knew my place in it, and I felt like I he grins.
had nowhere else to go and it was my only As for how his family reacted to the news,
option to escape. I was so wrong because Dan says he let them know via an email,
every single minute of my life that passed as “YOU MIGHT THINK which began “Basically, I’m gay”, a few weeks
I got older, the world got so big and so open,” THERE’S NOTHING before the video went live.
he explains. LEFT, BUT THERE IS A “I thought I’d come out to them at
“The one thing to say to anybody that feels Christmas. It was Boxing Day and I was like,
like they’re stuck in any kind of situation is,
WHOLE WORLD OUT this is the moment, but I just couldn’t do it.
‘You are never stuck, you might think you THERE, FULL OF LOVE I don’t want to make Boxing Day all about
know everything, that there’s nothing left, but AND OPPORTUNITY” me; everyone’s having a nice time watching
there is a whole world out there, full of love Chicken Run, so I’m not going to spoil it.
and opportunity.’ “Then I went out for lunch with my mum
“I feel like my whole life for the past 10 for her birthday and I thought I’d tell her and
years has been me climbing up a wall to get to she can tell everyone. [Again] I just couldn’t
a point where I feel like I finally have a space do it… Instead, I emailed them, ‘Hi, basically,
to exist and be in peace. You have to try.” I’m gay,’ hit ‘send’, throwing the grenade and
Dan adds that it was his fans who gave him seeing what happens.
the courage to peel off the proverbial plaster “My family gave me these greeting-card
and upload the video. responses: ‘It’s amazing, we just love you for
“I would meet them [at my shows] and they who you are,’ blah blah blah. [But] I’ve had
would come out to me in front of their friends another Christmas with the grandma and the
and family: ‘Dan, because you talk about being problematic slips out. I’m like, ‘That’s not how
authentic and you opened up about your that works, but I love you, I think, maybe…’
mental health, you gave me the strength to do “You just have to deal with it, I guess, take
this,’” he continues. the high road all the time, accept that people
“But I was still in the closet [at the time]. are going to say the wrong thing with the best
I was stood there as people were telling me intentions,” he shrugs.
these amazing things and I felt like a hack. Although Dan is a self-proclaimed over-
“If it wasn’t for seeing these people and sharer, he has drawn a line between what he
them telling me these positive, encouraging will and won’t talk about. Like? “Feet pictures.
stories, there is no way that I would ever have It opens a door. It really does, there’s whole
had the courage to go on this journey.” blogs, people get rated out of 10. I’m not
Although coming out has been a liberating comfortable with my feet.”
experience, it also cranked open a Pandora’s On a slightly more serious note, he makes
box of issues Dan had yet to wrestle with. it clear that he isn’t comfortable about people
“It didn’t cure all of my problems, probing the ins and outs of his love life. “People
magically,” he says. “I looked back at my are like, ‘Dan, who are you fucking? When did
childhood. I’d always thought, ah, well, you you fuck? How hard did you fuck? When are
know, everyone has a shitty childhood; people you next going to do it?’ I’m like, ‘I don’t know
get bullied, that’s fine. Then I thought about the answer to that question,’” he sighs.
everything that happened to me and was like, Another source of speculation is his
oh my god, that was fucked up, that shit was relationship with fellow YouTuber Phil Lester,
deeply traumatic. All of this got unearthed who came out in a video the same month as
for me. Dan, and lives with him in north London.
“So, I’m in this weird state of feeling happy “I don’t want to speak for him too much,”
and free, but between thinking of what I went he says. >

NOVEMBER 2020 49
 “[We’re] best friends, arch enemies, husbands, figures or just funny writers that will share
business partners, partners in crime, soul personal stories, and that is so good for
mates, just mates, who the fuck knows?… breaking the stigma and talking about it…
Honestly, we’re very thankful that the world is but you don’t necessarily learn about what to
in a place right now where we both could have do,” he adds.
been so vulnerable and it was accepting. We’re “I’m learning all of this stuff, I’m pouring
in different places. He had already come out myself into the book, so hopefully me and
to a few people, [but] like I said, I don’t want to anyone who reads it will go on this journey
speak for him or tell his story.” together.”
Describing himself as a “one-year-old [gay] Reflecting on the current status of his
baby”, Dan was looking forward to living mental health, Dan says: “It is getting
his best life in 2020 – but Miss Rona put the better. The process of really understanding
kibosh on those plans. everything that I went through, you know,
“People always say that anyone queer who accepting that I became a survivor because I
had a closeted adult period has this weird had to normalise the things I went through
teenage repression moment where they never just to get by and then saying, ‘Actually,
got to exist. So, I’m here, 29, feeling like a that’s not normal and I don’t have to put up
14-year-old because I never got to have fun or with that.’
do stuff,” he starts. “Being fair to yourself [too]. We all have the
“I was like, 2020 is going to be big for me, voice that says, ‘You don’t deserve something,
hot-boy summer. I’ve been working on my you’re not good enough, this won’t happen for
physical health, my mental health, working you’. It’s difficult to say, ‘No, I should stand up
on some things, here we go… and then – BAM! for myself’, or ‘I should change the situation.’
– global pandemic.” This is something you have to repeat to
On the plus side, lockdown has given Dan yourself like a mantra every single morning,”
ample opportunity to get cracking on his he urges.
upcoming mental health book/self-help Pointing to the importance of having
guide, You Will Get Through This Night. comfort blankets to cling to during storms of
“When it comes to mental health, everyone anxiety, Dan will always treasure the day that
should know some basic things about stress RuPaul’s Drag Race sashayed into his world.
and anxiety, so they know how to wake up in “I know everyone is like, ‘I’m so tired of
the morning with a smile and go about their it, there have been a million episodes,’ but,
day successfully, instead of bolting awake honestly, those scenes of people crying and
with anxiety at 4am,” he maintains. telling their stories while putting on eyeliner,
“We talk about, if you are having a that was my fucking lifeline,” he reveals.
meltdown, what do you do to get yourself “Every single person who puts anything out
out of the mess? Another section is the next there, telling a story, you do not know who
day when you go, ‘I want to make a change might be reading it or watching it or seeing it,
in my life, what are the things I can do who needs to hear that.”
today to really make an impact on my life Dan shakes off the notion, though, that he
going forward?’. is brave for telling his story. “Bravery is not me
“Hopefully, no matter who reads it, sharing the most intimate tragedies of my life
wherever they are, whatever journey they’re to turn them into comedy to help strangers
on, they’ll take something from it, and you on the internet… it’s agreeing to do an Attitude
know, I’ll be happily airing all my dirty photo shoot after three months in lockdown.
laundry for people to laugh at, because that’s I’m not joking!” he laughs.
what I do!” Lockdown looks good on him, I assure Dan,
Dan emphasises, too, that he isn’t just and after one last pump of hand sanitiser, we
another influencer looking to coin it in; he is go our separate ways.
genuinely invested.
“I don’t want to come for myself when I You Will Get Through This Night will be
say that there’s a lot of celebrities, public published by HQ on 18 May 2021
“WE ALL HAVE THE
VOICE THAT SAYS
‘YOU DON’T DESERVE
SOMETHING, YOU’RE
NOT GOOD ENOUGH’”

50 NOVEMBER 2020
 DANIEL HOWELL

Dan wears jacket, by Styling Sacha Dance

AllSaints, vest, by Marks Grooming Sven Bayerbach
& Spencer, jeans, by at Carol Hayes Management
ASOS Design, shoes, by using Tropic Skincare
Converse at Schuh

NOVEMBER 2020 51
 Mind the gap
From COVID-19 to Black Lives Matters via the
economic crisis, this year has been challenging for
many of us. Attitude meets seven young LGBTQ
people who share their lives on social media, along
with psychotherapist Owen O’Kane, to see how
they practise good mental health in a world that
sometimes seems to be losing its mind

Owen O’Kane
ourselves and withdrawing from ‘life’. What
simple things can we do to keep our minds
Leading psychotherapist and former NHS focused and balanced?
Clinical Lead for Mental Health I once lived in a monastery for three
years, so I understand what it’s like to
In his latest book, Ten Times Happier, Owen isolate from the larger world. But it’s
O’Kane states how he believes most people not the ‘real’ world and running off to
can be happier than they are. “The problem a monastery or convent isn’t always the
is most people get in the way of their own answer. However, finding space to stop
happiness and they don’t realise they are is important. In my first book, Ten to Zen,
doing it,” he says. “My belief is that while I advocate taking 10 minutes out every
we often can’t change what life delivers, day to allow the mind time to quieten.
we can change how we respond. The When the mind is quieter, it enables you
more responsibility we take for our own to function better, increases creativity and
happiness, then the happier we become.” even reduces blood pressure. Within this
time, you can use slow, deep breaths to
Mental health is a phrase we have been help reduce the activity in the body which
hearing about a lot more. Has modern living in turn impacts the mind. Some recent
heightened our anxieties, or simply brought research shows that a walk for a few minutes
them out into the open? 
Mental health issues have always been
around, but thankfully more people are Managing your mood
talking openly about their challenges. Some fluctuations in mood is normal for most people. However, here is some key
We often hear the statistic that one in four advice if you notice that every other day there are significant changes in your mood, or
people have ‘mental health’ issues, but that you frequently swing from high to low.
I disagree with this. The reality is 100 per
cent of us have mental health challenges, 1. Talk to a professional for some advice. Therapy can be incredibly useful for most
and it’s not always fluid. Sometimes you people and a professional diagnosis is important. There are various mood disorders but
will feel strong and stable. Sometimes you some require different treatments and approaches
will struggle. This is what it is to be human 2. Don’t rule out medication as we know around 30 per cent of people with recurrent
and normalising this is so important. Of depression or anxiety may need some pharmacological support
course, the more we develop as a society 3. Meditation works. All the studies on meditation show that even 10 minutes per day
with advances in language, technology and changes how the brain functions after a few weeks. Neuroscientists inform us that it
an ever-changing world, then, of course, the improves mood and reduces anxiety
more uncertainty there is. A definition of 4. Exercise will also help as it improves serotonin rep-uptake which is necessary
anxiety is ‘an intolerance of uncertainty’, so for regulating mood
heightened anxiety isn’t surprising in a world 5. Eat well. A healthy body is a healthy mind
moving at a rapid pace. 6. Excessive alcohol and recreational drugs aggravate the problem as they disrupt
In such a noisy, busy world, it can be hard the chemistry of the brain
to find our own space without isolating

52 NOVEMBER 2020
 EYEBROW STRAP

each day in green spaces improves mental

wellbeing significantly. A quieter mind
enables clarity and clarity leads to calmness.
It’s been a challenging year. COVID-19,
quarantine restrictions and the uncertainty
of future lockdowns has been an isolating
experience for many. The Black Lives Matter
protests have magnified racial issues, while
the dire economic situation has left many
feeling quite vulnerable. How would you
advise people manage their mental health
when we are deluged by news that challenges
our sense of self and stability?
There is no denying we are living in tough
times, but one of my key tips would be to
limit the time you spend watching the
community and our sexual or gender identity?
“Limit the time you This is an enormous question, but in
my experience most people from the
spend watching the LGBTQ community — myself included —
news or scrolling have experienced judgement, shaming and
a sense of being ‘less than’ on their journey. It
through social media” cannot be underestimated how detrimentally
impactful this is on a person’s mental
news or scrolling through social media. wellness. But the good news is that you can
You are saturating your mind with negative learn that other people’s opinion of you
information. Second, focus on what you doesn’t define you. You also have nothing
can manage today and try not to fixate on to be ashamed of, and you are more than
controlling things that are not in your enough. This is the road to freedom that
control. Third, hold on to a sense of hope many LGBTQ people seek.
that things will improve — they always What is the best thing a person can do to help
do eventually. A hopeful perspective themselves when they are feeling down - or to
is scientifically proven to improve wellbeing help others who may be feeling challenged?
as it activates ‘feel good’ chemicals such My three top tips would be to talk, talk, talk.
as endorphins and enkephalins. Finally, Remember to connect with others and don’t
connect with people who lift your spirits. In isolate yourself. Also, don’t give yourself a
times of strife, this is an essential ingredient hard time. Self-criticism is the master of
for maintaining a sense of stability. suffering. There is a great expression, “This
How can a person’s mental health be impacted too will pass”. It’s always worth remembering
by how society views or treats the LGBTQ this when things get tough. >

NOVEMBER 2020 53
 Sebastian Argo and Dion York
24, HE/HIM
Online content creators — Dion is also an artist

Sebb
I’m mostly positive, but every now and then
I will have some bad days. I have always
experienced down days, but they definitely
became more common during quarantine.
When I feel down I feel no motivation to do
anything. All I want to do is binge on Netflix
shows and eat fries.
This year has made me more aware of
my mental health and how to work with
it instead of just ignoring it. My worst
experience of this was during the beginning
of quarantine. I felt trapped and suffocated
by all the news outlets talking about

“I felt suffocated
by all the news
outlets talking
about COVID-19”
Sebb

COVID-19. I noticed I kept getting upset over

the smallest things. Luckily, Dion was there
to cheer me up.
To get through it, I would focus on
breathing and remind myself of all the
positive things in my life at the moment. I
like to acknowledge my feelings and then
work through them.
It is very noticeable to myself and others
when I am having a bad mental health day.
I can either start getting really upset over
nothing, or just have no energy at all. I try to
recognise where it is coming from and ask emotions and I think this is a healthy To anybody struggling, I would say to
myself why I am feeling that way. It is very way to deal with negative feelings. I’m not be afraid to reach out to loved ones and
helpful for me to have an inner dialogue to immediately aware when I feel down, and I professionals. Support is out there, you just
figure out how I feel. do simple breathing exercises that help me need to set your intention to fighting for
The main thing people should do when maintain a positive perspective. Dancing yourself and your happiness.
feeling down is acknowledge the feeling. on the spot helps me get past anxious
Ignoring it will do nothing but make it worse. feelings before I have an anxiety attack. I
also like to focus on being creative as that Has your mental health been
Dion helps lift my mood. impacted by how others view or treat
I prioritise confidence and always work on This year has made my cleaning habits your sexual or gender identity?
fighting self-doubt. I try not to compare very intense, but I try to take a step back and Sebb: Most of the time it doesn’t
myself with others because that gives me be logical about it all. because I am very confident in who
really bad anxiety. I start to withdraw from I am, but if one day I decide to go
others and double-guessing everything I do. out wearing a skirt and then some
During college, I really struggled with
public speaking. There would be times when “I like to focus homophobe screams a slur at me, that
can make a good day bad really fast.
I had to present a project but would just run
out of the classroom because I couldn’t do it.
on being creative Dion: I have been out as gender fluid
and queer for many years and I have
Slowly, I got a bit better at public speaking, as that helps lift never let others define who I am. I
but I got a lot of help from my college’s
student resources centre. my mood” struggle more with trying to not let
how others view my work get to me.
I have always been in tune with my Dion

54 NOVEMBER 2020
Emi Salida
21, SHE/HER
YouTuber, university student and asexual activist

Overall, my mental health is in a very good because I feel this heavy fog that used to be
place, with some occasional down days. It’s something I felt constantly. Has your mental health been impacted
taken a long time to get where I am today, but Having a routine helped me more than I by how others view or treat your sexual
I finally feel like I am living the way I should realised, especially when I was stuck in the or gender identity?
have been for the past five-plus years. house earlier this year during lockdown. For Honestly, my mental health is more
I have always had down days, in fact, me, taking my medication at the same time impacted by how I view my sexuality.
before I started my current course of every day (in the evening just before bed) has Asexuality can feel very isolating, and
antidepressants, every day was a down day. really helped me, but also eating well and if I’m having a particularly poor mental
I didn’t realise how poor my mental health having a skincare routine. It sounds silly and health day then I can spiral into hating
really was until I started recovering and had generic, but these things help ground me and my sexuality and wishing I was ‘normal’
my first down day, and was shocked by the allow me to then focus on how I’m feeling and and not ‘broken’.
fact that that was how I felt every single day. to take things one at a time.
When I’m having down days, I will wake up
feeling heavy and tired, and I’ll notice that my
space feels cluttered and messy. I also don’t
tend to eat well. My brain feels restless but
my body feels drained. My worst experience
of this was in 2017 when I had no control
over my head and thoughts, or my panic
attacks, and I felt lost and empty. Everything
felt heavy and this was the first time I really
acknowledged that I needed to start fixing my
mental health. I was at my lowest point.
I can’t remember much of that time; it’s
all a blur now. I’d started an antidepressant
in the summer which my body did not agree
with, but once my doctor and I found the one
that worked for me, I felt hopeful for the first
time in years. It was the first time I’d ever felt
a distinction between my depression and my
anxiety, and having this small bit of clarity
really helped me get back on my feet.
It took me years of suffering with
depression and anxiety to accept that this
was something I was dealing with and it
wasn’t just “Emi being a bit sad and worried”.
Now my brain is in a much clearer place,
and I can tell when I’m having down days

“I didn’t realise
how poor my
mental health was
until I started
recovering”

NOVEMBER 2020 55
Nabilla Doma
25, SHE/HER
Blogger and YouTuber

I would describe my mental health as a weird pretty aware of my feelings most of the time. day in day out, and our trans brothers and
and wonderful balance of up and down days. If I’m honest, I’m not the best at finding my sisters having their identities trivialised, I
I notice when I’m feeling down especially way out of my negative feeling. I give myself find it hard not to be angry. I allow myself to
when I hear good news from others and it the time to wallow in it, or I find a good be angry, because how else am I meant to feel?
makes me cry from sadness, or when I have distraction; this could be work, a good Netflix My advice to others going through
zero drive to do anything. binge or sleep. something similar would be to find a good
I’ve been experiencing down days or This has been one of the worst years of my distraction and allow yourself to ‘feel’. Your
episodes intermittently since 2016 — they life for so many reasons. I’m someone that feelings should not be ignored. But after
come and they go depending on external struggles to see the positives when I’m feeling allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you are
factors. There was a period a few years ago down or having an episode. My mental health feeling, do something that makes you smile.
when I cried every night before I went to bed. I has been impacted a lot this year, and I’ll be
couldn’t pinpoint why I was upset, I just knew grateful to survive it.
my spirit wasn’t feeling good. I also went When so much injustice is happening in Has your mental health been impacted
weeks without looking at myself in the mirror the world, like black people being murdered by how others view or treat your sexual
because I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. or gender identity?
I decided to be honest about how I was I’m lucky to have always been secure
feeling and addressing my triggers. I removed “With so much in my sexuality and been grateful that
myself from a bad relationship arrangement,
I got a gym membership and I applied for injustice in the most of the people around me are
very accepting — pretty much all of my
therapy via my local council.
It may take me a handful of days to figure
world, I find it hard friends didn’t even bat an eyelid when I
said I had a girlfriend!
out how I’m feeling when I’m down, but I’m not to be angry”
56 NOVEMBER 2020
Courtney-Jai Niner
25, HE/HIM
LGBTQ+ bisexual YouTuber

I would describe my mental health as I think I was at my worst just before I more of the person I wanted to be.
something that is generally positive, but came out, I would spend days locked in my Recently, my down days come more
can be swayed depending on the stress of room just lying in bed, doing nothing but randomly, as if I’ve woken up on the wrong
what is going on in my life. A decline in my watching time pass me by, just hoping one side of the bed and everything feels like
mental health usually manifests when I day I would wake up a different person. I got a problem, but I think this is a reflection
have a lack of enthusiasm for pretty much through it by addressing everything I didn’t more of how COVID-19 is changing general
anything in my life and activities I like like about my life and trying to change life. I became obsessed with the constant
doing become a chore. those aspects one at a time until I became negativity of each situation to the point
that I was frightened to leave my own home,
which led to me becoming stir-crazy and I
could feel my mental health slipping.
I tend to know right away when I feel
down. I’m more easily agitated by little
things that I usually wouldn’t even notice,
or I would just laugh about. I also become
very anxious.
I try to compensate the negative for
the good by investing my time in a movie
that I love, or spending a few hours living
vicariously in a game, or I go to the gym and
work out some of my pent-up aggression.
I’m lucky to also live with my partner, and
they are brilliant at picking me up when I
feel down.
I think sometimes the best thing we can
do when we are feeling down is to spend
time with the people we love and turn off
our phones once in a while. We need to live
life rather than view it through a lens or
watch it pass us by on a screen.

Has your mental health been

impacted by how others view or treat
your sexual or gender identity?
I think if you asked me this question
before I did YouTube I would have said
yes, but YouTube has taught me to have
a much thicker skin and to be more
confident in who I am as a person.

“The best thing we can do when we

are feeling down is to spend time
with the people we love”

NOVEMBER 2020 57
 Vesper Hill
35, THEY/THEM
Vlogger & blogger

I would describe my general mental

health as predominantly overcast with
intermittent blue skies and showers. I tend
to realise I am feeling down when I become
noticeably less able to function in my day-
to-day life. I tend to become cognisant of
being less OK than normal.
My worst experience during a bad period
involved me inadvertently running a red
light and just missing a head-on collision,
because I was too teary-eyed and caught up
in thought to see the road in front of me.
At that time, I had no concept of “mental
health” or the self-awareness to recognise
that I had a problem. It wasn’t until
discovering mental health and self-care that
I could even begin to “get through it” rather
than simply living with it.
I’ve experienced down days since at
least 14 or 15 years old. At the moment, I’m

“Journalling and
vlogging has
been key to me
navigating storms”
quicker than ever at becoming aware of my
highs and lows. Even so, I can still be slow to
act on that realisation. Carving out time for
self-care, including collecting my thoughts
and feelings through journalling, blogging,
and vlogging, has been key to me navigating
storms that have come my way.
This year has been tough because, in
short, it feels like any and all progress that
I had made in recent years was undone
in a matter of days. I have always found
it very difficult to be positive in regards
to myself, to be honest. However, at the
moment, the parameters of said negativity Has your mental health been impacted by how others view
have at least doubled. or treat your sexual or gender identity?
My advice to others would be to be kind While I may not care about other’s opinions regarding my
to yourself. Remind yourself that if you identities, every time I’m misgendered or mispronounced
wouldn’t treat someone else in such a way, in a doctor’s office, my partner is assumed to be my friend,
then do yourself that same courtesy. For I have to use any gendered bathroom — those seemingly
others, the offer of an ear to listen, or a small things are yet another microaggression on top of a
shoulder to lean on can mean more than mountain of them that weighs me down day-to-day.
you might think.

58 NOVEMBER 2020
Jamie Rutter
26, HE/THEY
Online creative person

While I do have a few down days, I would My down days are something that I’ve what I want from life and get down to the
say my mental health is mostly positive. I experienced over the past few years, but there’s nitty-gritty and do a bit of soul-searching.
realise I’m feeling down if I lack motivation, definitely been more of them during lockdown. It sounds so cliched, but I feel a lot better
energy, and procrastinate about absolutely This year, I’ve had a lot more down days than in myself.
everything, and it normally means that I put I thought I would, and they have lasted for The best advice I can give if you are feeling
off the things I actually want to do the most. longer periods because I’ve not had that support down is to switch off and come offline. You
A few years ago, I was in a really bad network of face-to-face communication. can talk to your friends if you want, but stay
living situation. I was actually diagnosed I often find that if I am having a bad off social media. It’s really easy to get into a
with alopecia. A lot of my hair fell out. I was mental health day or I am feeling in a rut, I negative cyclical environment that just ends
very stressed, depressed; my paranoia went write a to-do list. It’s the smallest thing that up making you feel gross. Just speak to your
through the roof. I had loads of anxiety. gets me up and moving. Even if it’s just eat, friends, the ones that you trust, the ones
It was a really horrible time, but I’m a lot shower, brush your teeth, at least it’s getting that’ll listen to you, and do the things that you
better now. I honestly got through it with a me up and active. Otherwise, I will just enjoy. Have a little bit of self-care.
really good support network of friends and become a complete slob and stay in bed and
people that I trusted and who could call me not look after myself.
out when I needed to be called out, but also This year has allowed me a lot of time Has your mental health been impacted
people that would listen to me and provide to reflect and really put into perspective by how others view or treat your sexual
me with the emotional support that I really or gender identity?
needed at the time. I would love to say that my mental
I tend to be quite quick at catching when “If you are feeling health is not affected by the way
my mental health is in decline. I’ve trained
myself rather well to pick up on the signs. So down, come offline people view my gender and sexual
identity, but it is, to a degree. You have
I’m quite quick to be, like, OK, this is going to
be a bad day, or, this is starting off as a bad
and stay off social to be incredibly strong for it to have

media”
zero impact.
day. And I try to sort it out from the get-go.

NOVEMBER 2020 59
RAISING
THE CURTAIN
Writer and social historian Stephen Bourne
looks back at 15 queer, black game-changers
who made their mark on British culture, long
before Empire Windrush arrived in 1948

John Payne (1872-1952)

This American singer and choirmaster
settled in London in 1919 and acquired
a home there on Regent’s Park Road. His
house became a popular meeting place for
African-American expatriates and visitors,

S
mainly from the music world.
tephen Bourne has been writing Peoples, which was one of the first black-led Artistes such as Paul Robeson and
about black British history for organisations in Britain. Adelaide Hall, who came to Britain in the
25 years, and each of his books, During the London Blitz of 1940/41, in spite of 1920s and 1930s, found their way to Payne’s
including his latest, Under Fire: intense bombing of Elephant and Castle, Clarke home; if not for a place to stay, then for
Black Britain in Wartime, 1939-45, travelled daily to his surgery from his home, introductions to new friends in England’s
has included queer people. For Black History Belfield House in New Barnet. For many years, he entertainment and social circles. At the
Month, Stephen celebrates 15 queer movers lived there with his partner, Edward ‘Pat’ Walter. start of the Second World War in 1939, Payne
and shakers who were making their mark in left London and made a new home for
Britain long before Empire Windrush brought Granville ‘Chick’ Alexander himself in Looe, Cornwall.
Jamaican migrants to Britain in 1948. (1905-1969) There he became a popular figure in the
Chick was a Jamaican dancer who also local community, teaching music, singing
Cecil Belfield Clarke (1894-1970) worked as an artist’s model. During the Blitz in choirs and organising concerts for the
Cecil came to the UK from Barbados and of the Second World War, Chick volunteered troops. He was buried in West Looe cemetery,
practised as a family GP at 112 Newington as a stretcher bearer during air raids where his memorial reads: “Singer and
Causeway, near Elephant and Castle in on London. His wartime West End stage musician. Loved and remembered by his
south London, for 45 years. In 1931, he was a appearances included Cole Porter’s musical, many friends. The song is ended, but the
founder member of the League of Coloured Panama Hattie. > memory lingers on.”

60 NOVEMBER 2020
BLACK HISTORY MONTH

NOVEMBER 2020 61
 Lawrence Brown (1893-1972)
This American composer, arranger and
pianist made London his home in the
1920s and possibly had a brief relationship
with the English composer Roger Quilter.
In 1922, while staying at the home of John
Payne, Brown was introduced to Paul
Robeson, who began singing Brown’s
arrangements of spirituals.
Robeson went on to become one of the
most famous singers of his time and his
successful professional association with
Brown, which began in 1925, lasted into
the 1960s. Musically, Brown was Robeson’s
most important collaborator. In 1958,
when Robeson was a guest on BBC radio’s
Desert Island Discs, he paid tribute to Brown
by including one of their many recordings,
the spiritual, Steal Away.

Jimmie Daniels (1908-1984) “IN SPITE OF

An American cabaret entertainer who
toured Europe in the 1930s, Daniels INTENSE BOMBING
appeared in such popular London OF ELEPHANT AND
nightclubs as Ciro’s, with the composer and
bandleader Reginald Foresythe. Daniels’ CASTLE, CLARKE
lovers included the Scottish film-maker TRAVELLED DAILY
Kenneth Macpherson.
TO HIS SURGERY”
Ivor Cummings OBE (1913-1992) CECIL BELFIELD CLARKE
Born in West Hartlepool, Cummings’ father
was a doctor from Sierra Leone, while his
mother was English. After joining the Leslie ‘Hutch’ Hutchinson
Civil Service, Cummings worked for the (1900-1969)
Claude McKay (1889-1948) Colonial Office in Whitehall. During the The bisexual cabaret entertainer came
A bisexual Jamaican poet, McKay Second World War, he was one of the most to Britain from the Caribbean island of
travelled extensively, but couldn’t settle important and influential black men in Grenada in the 1920s and was ‘adopted’
in Britain for very long. When he lived Britain. He would assist any black person by the rich and famous. Cole Porter, the
in London from 1919 to 1921, he was who approached him for help. For example, famous gay songwriter, became his friend
critical of British colonialism, disliked in 1941 he visited the East End of London to and musical alter ego. Hutch was the best-
the climate and found English whites investigate complaints about racism he had known interpreter of Porter’s songs.
“a strangely unsympathetic people, as received from the representative of a group In 1920s and 1930s London, Hutch
coldly chilling as their English fog”. of African and Caribbean merchant seamen entertained in swanky nightclubs such
On the positive side, McKay found and workers. as the Cafe de Paris, but he was equally
employment on the radical weekly In 1948, when Cummings was at Tilbury loved by the ordinary British public. His
newspaper, Workers’ Dreadnought, edited by Docks to meet the passengers of the Empire sexual exploits with men and women were
the suffragette Sylvia Pankhurst, and has Windrush, he addressed the newcomers legendary. After the Second World War, as
been described as the first black socialist from the Caribbean in a tone of patronising the rock’n’roll era began, his sophisticated
to write for a British journal. In the 1920s, kindliness which exactly echoed the spirit of performing style fell out of fashion. When
McKay became one of the most celebrated the time. An elegant gentleman, who chain- he died, his obituary in The Times deemed
poets of the Harlem Renaissance. smoked with a long cigarette holder, he was him “the ideal artist for the relaxed hour
once likened to Noël Coward. > after dinner”.

62 NOVEMBER 2020
 BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Alberta Hunter (1895-1984)

A popular American blues singer in the 1920s, Hunter
sang mostly about anguished love affairs, which
had a special resonance for queer audiences. Women
like Hunter and Josephine Baker found that Europe
offered more possibilities for work and acclaim, and
they captured the continent with their songs and
elegance. In 1930, Hunter sang at London’s Dorchester
Hotel, where her admirers included Noël Coward,
Cole Porter and the Prince of Wales (later the Duke of
Windsor).
She recorded Coward’s I Travel Alone and Porter’s Miss
Otis Regrets in London in 1934. Hunter returned to the
USA in 1939 and, in the 1950s,
she gave up show business
to begin a new career as a
nurse. After retiring from the
nursing profession in 1977,
Hunter resumed her singing
career and became a sensation
in New York at a Greenwich
Village club called The Cookery.

NOVEMBER 2020 63
 “IN 1930S BRITAIN,
JOHNSON WAS
BEHIND THE
LAUNCH OF THE
COUNTRY’S FIRST
ALL-BLACK SWING
BAND”
KEN ‘SNAKEHIPS’ JOHNSON

Garland Wilson (1909-1954)

An American jazz pianist best known for
joining the singer Nina Mae McKinney on
her European tour of 1932, Wilson worked
extensively in Britain in the 1930s.

Patrick Nelson (1916-1963)

Nelson left Jamaica in 1937 and after his
arrival in Britain he became an artist’s model.
He also became the lover of the Bloomsbury
Group painter Duncan Grant. In 1940, Nelson
joined the British Expeditionary Force (BEF)
but was captured by the Germans outside
Dunkirk. He remained a prisoner of war for
more than four years.

Under Fire – Black Britain in Wartime 1939-45,

published by The History Press, is out now

Ken ‘Snakehips’ Johnson (1914-1941)

A Guyanese bandleader in 1930s Britain, themselves in Belgravia, one of the most
Johnson was behind the launch of the exclusive parts of London.
country’s first all-black swing band, the In the first year of the war, Snakehips
Johnson Orchestra. Their rise to fame reached the peak of his popularity. The Café
was meteoric and by the outbreak of the de Paris, situated underground, was thought
Second World War in 1939 they had become to be impregnable and it was advertised as
famous across Britain for their BBC radio “the safest and gayest restaurant in town”
broadcasts. The band also enjoyed a during air raids which began in September
residency at the renowned Café de Paris in 1940. However, on 8 March 1941, one of the
London’s West End. worst nights of the Blitz, two high-explosive
At 6’ 4”, the elegant Snakehips had the bombs crashed onto the dance floor and
gift of imparting his terrific enthusiasm exploded. Reports of the numbers of dead
for swing music, and his main achievement and injured have varied, but most reports
was to show that Britain could produce a agree that more than 30 people lost their
black bandleader as sensational and classy lives, and 60 others were seriously injured.
as black Americans like Cab Calloway and Snakehips was among the fatalities, but
Duke Ellington. when his body was discovered, there wasn’t a
Everyone who met Snakehips commented mark on it and his red carnation was still in
on how kind and gentle he was. Offstage, the buttonhole of his tailcoat.
Snakehips was the lover of Gerald Hamilton, Hamilton was contacted by the police,
a memoirist and critic who had served who informed him of his lover’s untimely
prison sentences for bankruptcy, theft, gross death at the age of 26 and asked him to come
indecency and being a threat to national to the mortuary to identify his partner.
security. Hamilton was immortalised Thereafter, Hamilton never travelled
in Christopher Isherwood’s novel, Mr anywhere without a framed photograph
Norris Changes Trains. Snakehips and of the young man he described as his
Hamilton met in 1940 and made a home for “husband”. Hamilton died in 1970.

64 NOVEMBER 2020
 BLACK HISTORY MONTH

Reginald Foresythe
(1907-1958)
Born in London to an English mother
and a father from Sierra Leone,
Foresythe was a pianist, bandleader
and composer as well as a jazz
innovator. Public school-educated,
he spoke with an upper-class accent
and won respect for his bold and
dazzling compositions in the 1930s
world of jazz. These included Dodging
a Divorcee, Greener the Grass and
Serenade for a Wealthy Widow.
In the USA, Foresythe was admired
by such jazz legends as Louis
Armstrong and Fats Waller. He also
worked as an accompanist for his
friend, the cabaret singer Elisabeth
Welch. She described Foresythe as a,
“Sweet, simple, charming person. His
appearance was always immaculate
and elegant. We all loved him. I know
he had liaisons with men, but they
were always very discreet.”
During the Second World War,
Foresythe served in the RAF, but,
after the war, alcoholism destroyed
his health and his career went into
decline.
BBC

Gordon Heath (1918-1991) Berto Pasuka (1917-1963)

An American actor, Heath came to A Jamaican dancer, choreographer and After relocating to Paris, Pasuka earned
London’s West End in 1947 to play painter, Pasuka arrived in Britain in 1939 a living with a cabaret act and by modelling
a leading role in highly acclaimed and made a living by dancing in cabaret for a number of painters on the Left Bank.
Broadway play, Deep Are the Roots. shows in West End nightclubs and as an He also became a painter himself.
He played Brett Charles, a GI who artist’s model. Pasuka, admired for his fine
had served with distinction in physique, found himself in demand as a
wartime Europe, but on his return model for sculptors, photographers and
home to the Deep South is forced to painters. These included Angus McBean,
confront racism. whose exquisite photographic portraits
Off-stage, Heath and his partner of Pasuka have now found a home in the
Lee Payant fell in love with Paris, collection at the National Portrait Gallery.
where they faced less racism and To improve his skills as a
homophobia. They made Paris choreographer, Pasuka enrolled at the
their home and opened a popular Russian Dancing Academy in King’s Road.
Left Bank café called l’Abbaye, After preparing for two years, Pasuka
where they entertained customers launched Les Ballets Nègres, Britain’s first
with their folk-singing. black ballet company, at the Twentieth
Heath never completely gave Century Theatre in Westbourne Grove in
up his acting career. In 1955, he 1946. Critically acclaimed and attracting
played Shakespeare’s Othello for large audiences, for several years, Les
the BBC and was featured on the Ballets Nègres toured throughout Britain
cover of the Radio Times. Heath and visited Holland, Belgium, Sweden,
died in Paris in 1991 from an Aids- Switzerland, among others. They made
related illness. their final appearance in 1952.

NOVEMBER 2020 65
 Family matters
A rainbow-striped surprise was in store for rising star Tom Taylor
when he took on a role in bestselling book-turned-TV show, Us
Words Thomas Stichbury Photography Joseph Sinclair

BOY TO MAN: Tom

first came to our
attention playing the
son in Doctor Foster

66 NOVEMBER 2020
 T O M TAY L O R

F
or every winning adaptation of a that parent/child relationship gets tested to them,” he says. “I also watched a lot of
beloved book or story (A Princess Bride, and evolves. YouTube videos. The main thing I got from
Brokeback Mountain, Trainspotting, to “Having grown up with a lot of brothers most people was just that fear, [being] pure
name a few personal favourites), there are and sisters, I’ve seen the way your scared of what people are going to think, if
dozens more dead-on-arrival duds that relationship with your dad [changes], how people are going to change, if they’re going to
fritter away the potential of their source it’s different for everyone. I have learnt a lose friends.”
material – Nathaniel Hawthorne’s grave lot from their experiences, how difficult Shooting in pre-COVID times (remember
must be like a Soul Cycle class, with all the it is to make peace with someone after those?) in Amsterdam, Barcelona, Paris and
spinning he’s been doing since the release of something terrible has happened, or [there Venice – “it was one of the best experiences
1995’s The Scarlet Letter, starring Demi Moore is] something nagging in the back of your of my life” – the up-and-comer learnt a lot
and Gary Oldman. head,” he continues. from co-stars Tom and Saskia.
Making the leap from the page to the “So many people hide their emotions and “It would be irritating if every time we
small or silver screen isn’t easy, of course. their feelings because they don’t want to were doing a thing [scene], you’ve got a young
Just ask British author David Nicholls, who upset anyone or make a scene or embarrass actor going, ‘How do you do that?’ [But] a bit
came unstuck in 2011 when he adapted his themselves. That’s what you see in Us, all the of advice Tom actually gave to me was: ‘Just
heart-skipping bestseller One Day into a relationships are like that.” watch,’” he recalls. “He never went to drama
flat-liner of a film with Anne Hathaway and By all accounts, though, Tom is very much school, he learnt from a young age watching
Jim Sturgess. Now, I’m no “Hathahater” — a daddy’s boy. “I kept busy [during lockdown] the masters at work.”
far from it — but that attempt at a regional with some DIY stuff. We’re doing a bar in the After kicking off his acting career at a
accent? Gurl… garden, me and my dad,” he smiles. young age, Tom admits that there are pros
Turning over a new leaf, Nicholls has Having never read the book – “He [David and cons to starting out so early.
enjoyed much better luck turning his Nicholls] wrote the screenplay so I didn’t “I did Casualty as my first thing and I
terrific tome Us – published in 2014 – into feel it was massively necessary if the writer remember coming back [to school] and there
a televisual treat. Airing on BBC One this is guiding me along the way” – Tom reveals was this girl who I fancied: ‘You’re gonna be
month, the four-part series charts the it was a rainbow-striped surprise when he famous!’” he laughs. “Luckily, people weren’t
bittersweet breakdown of a marriage, as found out about Albie’s sexuality. too horrible [to me] because I didn’t let them
biochemist Douglas (Tom Hollander, The be… It was difficult with school, though. I did
Night Manager) and former artist Connie TRIP TO miss out on that, probably a year and a half
(Saskia Reeves, Luther), his wife of almost REMEMBER: worth from a teacher, but I pulled it together
Tom with his
25 years, embark on a make-or-break trip co-stars Tom in the end.”
around Europe, with teenage son Albie, Hollander He’s already walked the proverbial plank
and Saskia
played by rising star Tom Taylor, in tow. Reeves in Us when it comes to terrible auditions, too.
Honeyed, but never hackneyed, some of the “I auditioned for one of the Pirates of the
sweetest scenes take place between Douglas Caribbean films. I went in and there was
and 17-year-old Albie as they try to rebuild a haunting woman, who had a massive
their fractious father-son bond. No more dog. So, I’m doing my audition and it was
so than when (spoiler alert) the youngster an emotional bit, and she was just really
comes out as gay in the final episode. miserable. She didn’t say anything – the dog
Catching up with Tom over a Zoom call – “Shooting in Europe enjoyed it more than her,” he exclaims.
after hastily editing my screen name from Adding a few more strings to his bow, Tom
a murder mystery with friends the weekend
was one of the best also makes music in his spare time under
before; my character was a fossil expert experiences of my life” the pseudonym “isamadness” – yes, all one
called Doug Oles, geddit? – he wants to set word, he had to literally spell it out.
something straight. “When they offered me the job, I had no “I’ve been doing that a lot more,
“There was an article one day that said idea. It wasn’t until I did the read-through electronic, house and drum’n’bass music,”
I bleach my hair. My hair is naturally this for the episode where I come out. I love it, I he says. “I released a little hip-hop song –
colour,” he stresses. Phew, glad we got to the haven’t played anyone like that before… [but] that was quite funny.”
root of that! it’s not a challenge because it’s just the same As for what is next, telly-wise, Tom is
Best known for his breakout roles in person, isn’t it? It’s the exact same person, they keeping everything crossable crossed for a
the Beeb’s hit adultery drama Doctor Foster, just like men. That’s my view on it,” he shrugs. follow-up appointment with Doctor Foster
opposite Suranne Jones and Jodie Comer, “The main journey for him [Albie] was (yes, please!). To recap (spoiler alert again),
and 2017 movie The Dark Tower, with Idris being disappointing to his dad, which is why the second series, which wrapped in 2017,
BBC STUDIOS/DRAMA REPUBLIC/COLIN HUTTON/IGNITION CREATIVE

Elba, Tom sees a lot of himself in wannabe the coming-out bit was emotional for him… saw Tom’s character run away from his
photographer Albie. He’s always feeling under pressure to never warring, scorch-the-earth parents, Gemma
(Tom is just 19 by the way, and I tried disappoint his dad and he thinks that even (Jones) and Simon (Bertie Carvel).
extremely hard to hide my disgust at his with his sexuality, that that’s going to be a “I keep chasing them up because I really
effervescent youth.) disappointment. Everything in his life, he’s want to do a third series,” he buzzes. “[There
“We’re both creative and sensitive,” he got this feeling he’s not good enough.” are] so many options. I’d love for them to
begins. “Albie masks his emotions like I do. I’m Coming out is a major milestone for most try and find me, or I try and find them,
not a super emotional person, till it all builds LGBTQ people – that’s our real birthday, folks and they’ve disappeared. Everything’s
up and then explodes. He also tries to be kind – and Tom made sure he did his homework apocalyptic… and zombies!”
to people and I guess I try too sometimes.” before filming. OK, you’ve lost us…
Raised in Surrey, one of seven siblings, “A lot of people in the film industry, there
Tom reflects on his own upbringing and how are quite a few gay people… and I spoke Us is available to watch on BBC iPlayer

NOVEMBER 2020 67
Zakar Twins
“Our box is our message to the world: ‘Don’t box Middle
Eastern men in one category’. As out and proud Middle
Eastern men, we represent two communities that
are seen as minorities in America. We want people to
embrace themselves and keep fighting for what makes
them happy.”

68 NOVEMBER 2020
 MAGNUS HASTINGS

Out of the
BOX
What happened when photographer
Magnus Hastings took an empty white
box and asked his queer subjects
to present themselves the way they
wanted to be seen?

N
orth London-born photographer Magnus Hastings had an
upbringing that was split between his state-school teacher
mother who scrabbled to make ends meet, and his Etonian
barrister father who came from a very grand family. Magnus
made his name photographing the bold and the beautiful of
London’s queer scene as well as countless British music, TV and film
stars. But it was his first passion project, the book Why Drag?, that
cemented him as one of the leading photographers capturing the queer >

NOVEMBER 2020 69
spirit. His new coffee table tome, Rainbow Revolution, documents his theatre project, creating illusions with lo-fi effects. Beaux Banks
2018 #GayFace project, profiling the LGBTQ community in all its glory. flying through the air on an H Bomb is a good example. I shot it
Featuring celebrities including Kathy Griffin and Luke Evans alongside once, then wasn’t happy, and realised if I painted his boot white, it
fan favourites from RuPaul’s Drag Race, the collection is a love letter to a would be perfect, so I got him back and did exactly that. I am proud
community under fire in a world that sometimes feels like it’s teetering of that one.
away from celebrating individuality in identity. Who surprised you most?
What was the message behind the #GayFace campaign? I’m not sure anyone ‘surprised’ me — I was impressed by people’s
It was an idea I had after we had been living with Trump for a commitment to their ideas. Eureka stripping down while I painted
year and he was doing his best to undermine LGBTQ+ rights and “sexy” all over her was impressive. When people arrived with a clear
advances. I wanted to create something to show that we are loud vision and got to work transforming their box, that was exciting.
and queer and fabulous and going nowhere. It’s funny how these Your first book, Why Drag?, is still one of the most iconic collections of
huge strides in queer identity have happened during the Trump drag photography. Which drag artists do you admire the most?
era. It’s like everyone went into overdrive as a push back to the Why Drag? is kind of a love letter to the art of drag. I wanted to
right wing darkening of the world. And my project very specifically showcase it through my eyes and from the inside, so to speak. I
showcases the full spectrum of the community. always say I am a drag participant, not an observer, and it’s from
How many people did you shoot for the series? that perspective that I created my book. I am impressed by so many
Well over 1,000. It nearly killed me and I had to take three months drag queens, for so many different reasons, from the extreme
off and sleep at one point as I totally burnt myself out. I just polish of the top Drag Race girls to the artistry-on-a-shoestring of
recently tore my last box down and threw it into the street. That the San Francisco drag community, who still maintain the punk
was quite cathartic. rock vibe of drag, which I very much appreciate. Courtney Act is my
What are your favourite images in Rainbow Revolution? long-time muse. These days, I work a lot with Alaska Thunderfuck,
That’s really hard as I am invested with so many. It took me ten and she is pretty hard to beat.
weeks of crazy to choose the images for the book, what went next
to what, what should be full page and what should be smaller. I was Magnus Hastings’ Rainbow Revolution is available from 10 November
like Carrie Mathison in Homeland, with my home covered in images via Chronicle Books. Digital galleries can be seen and prints can be
that I would move around at any hour of the day or night, trying purchased at magnushastings.com. A portion of print sales will go to
to make it work, to make it all sit together right. It was like a huge True Colors United in the USA and the Albert Kennedy Trust in the UK

Leo Forte
“My box, War Paint & Body Armor, is the embodiment of
being ‘two-spirit’, drawing on the strengths of masculine
and feminine to empower and define my person.”

Alaska Thunderfuck
“Well, I get obsessed with things easily. At the time of my box moment I was
obsessed with being monochromatic. The Queen of England always wears one
bright colour because it’s easier for her bodyguards to keep an eye on her.
So, I decided to ask designer Dallas Coulter to make the same vinyl dress in
every colour. This one is blue. I paired it with a blue plastic tablecloth, which
is my favourite medium to work with, and pinned it to the wall of the box for
movement and fashion. Voila!”

70 NOVEMBER 2020
 MAGNUS HASTINGS

Beaux Banks
“My box shows that
I’m always ready
to… blast off! I’m
a dreamer, I’m a
person who knows
no limits and is
ready to reach for
the stars.”

Kade Gottlieb
“Personally, being
a trans man that
also does drag, it
was a fight to find
my true authentic
self and to be able
to get to a point
where I truly loved
the person staring
back at me in the
mirror. Magnus and
I created a boxing
ring to physically
show that the fight
was hard, but I came
out the other side
stronger than ever.”

Stefano Rosso 
“It’s the other side others see of me!”

NOVEMBER 2020 71
Chris Villalobos
“As co-founder of a new Los Angeles-based HIV non-profit, Connection 2 Care,
this image captures everything I represent in my actions to building a stigma-
free and de-sensitized community. Long gone are the days when there was no
medication to save the lives of HIV/Aids patients, but it seems as though once
we stopped dying, the public lost interest. A little skin and shock value goes a
long way… It’s a message to the HIV community to lighten up, be empowered,
be healthy and be HIV Undetectable without shame or stigma. It’s also a
message to the negative community to think about how much they do know
and, hopefully, get educated on what HIV looks like today.”

Eureka O’Hara
“My box says that I’m everything
traditional beauty and societal
standards tell me I’m not. I’m
strong, beautiful and intelligent,
among other things. But maybe
most of all, my box tells the world I
love myself.”

Brandon Coprich
“When people first look at my box they
probably think, WTF is this?, and that’s
exactly the point. I’m not a person that
brags about himself very much, but I
am very confident in who I am and what
life experiences have led me to be that
person. Not many guys have been clinical
scientists, opera singers and go-go boys.
Then there is the nerd side of me that
has been with Pokémon since day one.
What better way to say ‘I live outside the
box’ than to defile the mascot in one. He
liked it and asked Master for more.”

72 NOVEMBER 2020
 MAGNUS HASTINGS

Courtney Act
“In my box I wanted
both Shane and
Courtney, the two
facets of me. For
years there was
an internal battle
where Shane blamed
Courtney and was
jealous, which we
played with in this
image as Shane pulls
Courtney’s hair,
trying to steal some
attention.”

Jade Thirlwall 
“My box depicts
me perfectly…
tight, snatched,
and fabulous. A
commentary on
the demands of
perfection on women.”

Trixie Mattel
“My box
communicates
that I am
vulnerable, flimsy,
and thin.”

NOVEMBER 2020 73
C R UEL

BAD BOY:
Benjamin Voisin,
who plays David
 S U M M E R 0 F 8 5

S UMME R
French director François Ozon is known for his sexy,
visually stunning films about characters navigating
complex relationships. Summer of 85 is no exception —
it’s a coming-of-age story with a great ’80s soundtrack,
but expect the unexpected…
Words John Harris Dunning Photography Philippe Quaisse/PascoAndCo

W
hen Alex first meets David, he’s young adult novel, Dance on My Grave, by The ’80s setting isn’t just about nostalgia
clinging to the side of a capsized Aidan Chambers, published in 1982. Quietly – it highlights more profound changes in
boat as bright fingers of lightning revolutionary, it presented a positive view of all of our romantic interactions. “What’s
dart from sky to sea. David teenage homosexuality at a time when the Aids great about the film being in the ’80s is that
appears out of the gloom, standing on the prow crisis was breaking, and six years before the our characters have to see each other to
of his little sailing boat like some hero out of British government passed Section 28, banning communicate,” says Lefebvre. “They don’t have
Greek mythology. Twink meets jock – a tale as the positive promotion of homosexuality in mobiles, they don’t have emails, they don’t
old as time… So begins French auteur François schools. In this context, the piece of fantasy have social media – so they have to touch
Ozon’s latest film, Summer of 85. It’s about first that Alex and David, two good-looking teenage each other, and look each other in the eye.
love, finding your calling – and death. boys living in a small town in the ’80s, wouldn’t It makes it more intense. In today’s world,
Ozon has always delighted in upending his really question their sexualities becomes a some of these romantic moments would
audience’s expectations by taking genres and highly political statement. have happened on the [mobile] phone; you
bending them to suit his own unique vision. Actor Félix Lefebvre, who plays the love- wouldn’t have that immediate emotional
His international breakthrough, 8 Women, struck Alex, relished the opportunity to travel response to each other.”
with all-diva cast Catherine Deneuve, Fanny back in time for the role. “I got to live in the The relationship of the director Ozon with
Ardant, Isabelle Huppert and Emmanuelle ’80s of François Ozon for a few months. It was his two leads was a close one. “It was such
Béart, took inspiration from classic Hollywood cinematic and very magical. I wasn’t born an easy process,” says Voisin. “François is a
melodramas, murder mysteries and musicals – director who wants a happy set. He doesn’t
but he used these elements to explore the darker want to work in a stressful situation. He
psychological undercurrents that flow beneath
“WE HAD A wants to finish shooting early and have a big
the technicolour façade of everyday life. C O N N E C T IO N T H AT lunch with his crew. I love this about him.
There’s something of this subversion of WA S I M M E D I AT E LY Usually you have a technician behind the
genres in Summer of 85. At first it seems to OBVIOUS” camera, but when we acted, he was shooting.
be in the tradition of The Breakfast Club: teen LEFEBVRE I felt like when I was playing a scene with
angst against the backdrop of an idyllic Félix, that we were playing it with François,
French seaside town in the summer season. back then, but I think it was probably a harder too. It was always three characters: David,
The jangling cords of The Cure and the poppy reality than in this movie. What I think of the Alex and François.”
drum loops of Bananarama help set the scene. ’80s is lots of colour, lots of freedom, and bold Lefebvre believes one of the main reasons
Of course, Ozon – a teenager in the ’80s – attitudes. The clothes. The haircuts. The music why François put him with Voisin was their
would have grown up on John Hughes films, seems to say, ‘I don’t give a f*ck – I’m going to chemistry. “Benjamin [Voisin] wasn’t quite the
and knows the teen drama genre inside out do my thing’. Seems like a fun time to have character physically, so he wasn’t an obvious
– but despite appearances, there are essential been alive. Very joyful.” choice; he wasn’t different enough from me.
differences here. This is a gay love story – Co-star Benjamin Voisin, who plays But acting together we had a connection
something that wouldn’t have been possible irresistible bad boy, David, found the period that was immediately obvious – we didn’t
in a commercial film of this scale in the ’80s. less important as a way into the role. “The have to think about it. We were laughing and
What’s more, the film subtly but radically ’80s is the time of my parents, so they were fooling around in a way you can’t fake. So
defies expectations by refusing to demand amused when I told them I was playing a François said, ‘OK, well, let him put on some
self-loathing or agonised self-doubt from its boy in this era. I don’t really care about the muscle, and we’ll make you a bit softer, then
two protagonists, Alex and David. The price period the film’s set in – when you work the difference between the characters will be
of gay love was a dead cowboy in Brokeback with a director as great as François Ozon, bigger, and this chemistry will remain.’”
Mountain, and in Call Me By Your Name, there you don’t have to care about the setting; The die was cast. Voisin had to become a
was the endless will-they-won’t-they of its that’s his problem. I just have to play my jock. “I loved that,” he admits. “Every role, I learn
hapless lovers. character, I just have to create an intimacy something new. With this one, I learned that as
Summer of 85 is inspired by the British with the audience.” an actor you have to work with your mind as >

NOVEMBER 2020 75
 well as your body. I built up muscle in the gym, in the present. We have that in common. And says. “That’s all that matters. The characters
and when I got to set I realised I didn’t need to motorbikes, too!” in the film are all very open-minded, and
play the role: I already felt it. I could just sit back Both Alex and David are deeply in love – they have a way of thinking that is very
and let my physique do the job. You can share but what that means to each of them is very contemporary. The question of being gay is
a lot of your emotion with your body, without different. “Most love stories are from only not an issue. Our characters are willing to feel
talking. I’m so happy to have understood this.” one perspective,” explains Lefebvre. “In this love for each other without even considering
It’s clear from his performance that he’s now film you really see both points of view, and the sex of the other person. That’s very
fluent in body language. understand both arguments the characters are contemporary. The main story here is the love
Voisin gives his perspective on meeting bringing to the table. We see two visions of love between these two people. It’s universal. It’s
Lefebvre. “We met in front of François’ here. The first is a passionate first love, with no about how love can hurt if two people don’t
camera,” he says. “It was magic. You can’t really limits. It’s a bold love, very much a first love. love the same way, don’t share the same vision
explain it. You can have two good actors, but “Then there’s the way of loving someone of love. It’s not about their gender.”
the chemistry between them just doesn’t without being totally dependent on the Unlike Lefebvre, this isn’t Voisin’s first
work. But when it does work, you know it’s other person, not being wholly defined by gay role – he appeared as an ageing Oscar
going to be a great experience. I knew we were them. Both of these approaches are totally Wilde’s street urchin lover in Rupert Everett’s
going to make a great movie right from that understandable. I think I’m more like Alex unmissable directorial debut, The Happy Prince.
first meeting. when it comes to relationships, which is “I was very proud to be in that movie with
“There were similarities to our characters. hard, because when you’re so passionate, it’s Rupert,” says Voisin. “It was my first movie. I
For instance, Félix hadn’t been on a very easy to suffer. It makes you vulnerable don’t speak English, and my first movie was in
motorbike. One day I arrived on set with because you stop playing games, stop acting, English. Rupert was incredible on set. He did
my bike – not the one from the film – my and just have no limits.” everything – write, act, direct and produce! He
motorbike, and we went for a long ride. It was did everything. In London, Rupert had played
lovely. It was how Alex and David must have TEENAGE KICKS: Oscar Wilde on the stage hundreds of times. He
felt. We enjoyed ourselves together off the set, David (Voisin) and knows the character very well. As soon as he
Alex (Lefebvre)
so of course we enjoyed ourselves on set, too.” take a ride said action, immediately – BOOM – he was in
Lefebvre agrees. “It was such fun to work the skin of his character.”
together. We’re almost the same age, and we Voisin acknowledges that attitudes have
immediately connected as individuals. We changed in recent years in terms of the
spent a lot of time together – not talking about perception of gay roles. “François told me
the movie, just having fun, going out, and on that 20 years ago he made a movie with an
Benjamin’s bike. We did lots of things that Alex actor who was to play a gay character, and
and David did in the movie before the shoot, as the actor was being boring, saying, ‘Oh, I’m
Félix and Benjamin. It gave us lots of fuel to get not sure about this…’ and François had to
inside our characters without thinking, having negotiate and say, ‘No, it’s a good character.
that relationship already in place.” Yes, you have to kiss a man, but it’s part of
Lefebvre admits he has certain things in “I DON’T CARE IF the story.’
common with Alex. “I can be very naive about “This film was not the same situation. I
my work as an actor. I still had this magical
I H AV E TO P L AY don’t care if I have to play opposite a boy or
view of cinema. During the movie, I was still OPPOSITE A BOY girl – I want to play the role. I want to know
living in a dream. It was very helpful for me, O R A G I R L” what kind of love the director wants to show,
because Alex is living in the dream of his first VOISIN and that’s it. I don’t care who it’s between.
love. He’s also finding his vocation, which There has been a big leap forward in terms of
is writing. It’s how he transcends himself. I Voisin’s experience is the opposite. “I have this kind of attitude. In 2020, who cares about
understand that – when I’m shooting a movie, been in love, but not for long,” he admits. it? It’s normal for us.”
my own history starts to have meaning. All “I need my freedom, like David. I can’t stay The character he plays is a Romeo who
the things I’ve lived through make sense, like with one person, be in a couple. One of the flits easily between boys and girls. “David is a
2020_MANDARIN PRODUCTION_FOZ_FRANCE 2 CINEMA_PLAYTIME PRODUCTION_SCOPE PICTURES

they’ve happened for a reason, because I’m best compliments I’ve been given is when forerunner,” explains Voisin. “That’s why I’m
making something out of them.” audiences say that David is real, that they not hung up about this film being in the ’80s,
There are differences, too. “I’m very knew him 20 years ago, that they always fall because he’s before his time – he could be in
extrovert. I’m not shy,” Lefebvre says. “Alex in love with that kind of guy. When audiences the 18th century, or today.
is easily intimidated by everything around recognise my character as real, that’s “François told me that when he was young
him. But in some ways Alex is braver than me, wonderful for me. It means I’ve done my job.” he saw a lot of movies about gay characters
because he has that inner strength to demand His character’s need for speed and love of where they always had a problem. Their
the truth. He’s not willing to be lied to, or to lie motorbikes and racing is an important clue mothers would say, ‘Oh my God! Are you sick?’
to himself in order to continue a relationship. to his inner workings. “I think everyone has a Their fathers would say, ‘You’re not my son
He’s very honest with himself.” relationship with speed,” he says. “A guy like any more!’ In our movie there’s none of that.
On his relationship with his character, David has big emotions, and doesn’t want to We’re just talking about love. No explanations
Voisin says, “I love to play, but I don’t like to share them. He prefers to externalize them or shame. It’s between two boys. So what?
play with people. We both have a need for in actions: the way he loves, runs, rides his I love that so much. There is passion, and
freedom. I like to wake up in the morning motorbike and has sex. They’re the way he of course, when there is passion there is
not knowing what’s going to happen. I just shows how he feels.” suffering, but it’s not about being gay; it’s
want to be in the moment. David lives in Lefebvre isn’t gay himself, but had no about being human.”
the present. He doesn’t want to remember problem connecting with his character, Alex.
yesterday – because his father died – and the “It’s a great part, intelligent and well written, Summer of 85 is in cinemas and available on
future is going to happen anyway, so he lives and with a great film director attached,” he Curzon Home Cinema on 2 October

76 NOVEMBER 2020
 S U M M E R 0 F 8 5

FIRST LOVE: Félix

Lefebvre plays Alex,
who falls under
David’s spell
 LOSING GAME:
Justin Fashanu
remains the UK’s
only top footballer
to come out
PATRICK MCGUINNESS/SHUTTERSTOCK

78 NOVEMBER 2020
 Justin Fashanu

In a
league of
his own
It’s 30 years since
Justin Fashanu came out,
making him the world’s first
openly gay professional
footballer, writes Peter
Tatchell, who knew the late
sportsman

Words Peter Tatchell

T
hirty years ago, on 22 October 1990, Justin Fashanu became him coming out… I gave him the
the world’s first professional footballer to come out as gay. money because I didn’t want the
To this day, he’s the UK’s only top-tier male football star to embarrassment for me or my family.”
declare his homosexuality while playing in this country. John later expressed regret about his
At the time, he said he knew 12 other Premier League behaviour. However, he continued to
footballers who were gay or bisexual. None followed his disrespect his brother’s memory when
example of openness, then or since.  he claimed in a 2012 interview with
Justin was also the first black player to be bought by a talkSPORT radio that his brother was
club for £1 million and the first prominent black person not gay but merely a fame-obsessed
in Britain to come out as LGBT+. Other black personalities, attention-seeker. 
including the singer Labi Siffre, artist and film-maker Isaac Justin told me he was heartbroken
Julien and Lambeth Council leader Linda Bellos, had already by the “terrible” things John said about
come out, but they didn’t have Justin’s high profile and him. He never got over what he saw as
national recognition.  betrayal by a brother he loved.
Justin came out in The Sun newspaper, under the The reaction of the wider black
headline “£1m soccer star: I am GAY”. He said he wanted to community was just as bad. His
stop “living a lie”. His otherwise dignified and courageous coming out was condemned by The
article was marred by titillating tales of sex with a married Voice as “an affront to the black
MP, romps in the House of Commons, and affairs with pop community… damaging… pathetic
singers, TV stars and other footballers. It was also tainted and unforgivable”.
by the fact that he sold his story for a huge pile of money, “We heteros”, wrote Voice columnist
reputedly £70,000 or more. He subsequently admitted that Tony Sewell, “are sick and tired
elements of his story were embellished because, in his of tortured queens playing hide-
words, he was “under pressure” from the paper to give them and-seek around their closets.
sensational gossip.  Homosexuals are the greatest queer-
A week later, his brother, fellow footballer John bashers around. No other group
Fashanu, disowned Justin in the black newspaper, The of people are so preoccupied with
Voice. “John Fashanu: My gay brother is an outcast” making their own sexuality look dirty.”
screamed the headline. John later admitted to offering Sewell only very recently apologised
Justin £75,000 to stay quiet and keep his sexuality secret. for those comments.
He told the Daily Mirror: “I begged him, I threatened “Even if Fashanu had chosen to
him, I did everything I could possibly do to try and stop come out in The Voice rather than The >

NOVEMBER 2020 79
 HIGH STAKES:
He was the first
black player to be
bought by a club
for £1 million

Sun, I doubt his reception would have

been any more sympathetic,” noted
media columnist Terry Sanderson,
soon afterwards. “Rejection by his own
community was profoundly damaging
to him.”
Although Justin later said that he
“never once regretted” coming out,
the hostile reaction from many in the
black community hurt him deeply.
He told me that since black people
knew the pain of racial prejudice and
discrimination, he expected they’d
be understanding and supportive.
Some were, but many denounced him
for bringing “shame” on them. As far
as I recall, not a single black public
figure supported his coming out or
condemned The Voice and others in
the community who had trashed him.
Justin later told The Voice: “Those who
say that you can’t be black, gay and
proud of it are ignorant.” 
Nevertheless, there were moments
during his coming-out saga when
he confessed that he felt “incredibly,
almost suicidally, lonely”.
Justin faced a lot of criticism for
choosing to come out in the right-
wing, homophobic Sun newspaper,
which many black people also
regarded as racist. Justin responded by
saying that his fans read the tabloids,
not the Sunday Times. By coming out in
The Sun, he hoped its reporters would
cease hounding him: “I genuinely
thought that if I came out in the worst
newspapers and remained strong and
positive about being gay, there would
be nothing more that they could say.”
Some people say the press knew
Justin was gay and were planning to
out him. He supposedly struck a deal
COLOURSPORT/SHUTTERSTOCK

with The Sun to pre-empt this: “So my

sexuality could be revealed on my
terms,” he told me. 
However, in the book, Stonewall
25, Justin claimed that he came out
because he was distressed by the

80 NOVEMBER 2020
 Justin Fashanu

“A bloody poof!” That’s how his football career cut short, largely by
manager at Nottingham Forest, Brian homophobia. He became trapped in a
“I don’t think Clough, described his star player.
Although Justin laughed them off,
downward spiral of declining football
prowess, bad debts, unreliability,
you ever forget Clough’s sneers hurt inside, making it
hard for him to concentrate on playing
false claims about sexual affairs with
politicians and soap stars and desertion
the mistakes ‘the beautiful game’.
Justin and I met at the London gay
of long-standing friends, including me.
By the late 1990s, Justin had
other people nightclub Heaven in 1981, soon after
he realised he was gay. I had been
embarked on a new career coaching
the US football team, Maryland Mania.
make that selected as the Labour parliamentary
candidate for Bermondsey. We became
Hopes of a fresh start were shattered
in April 1998 when he was accused of
wound you” close friends.
Justin confided to me about
sexual assault of a 17-year-old youth.
Claiming he would not get a fair trial,
the problems he was having at he fled back to Britain. On 3 May, he
Nottingham Forest. “Clough doesn’t was found hanged in a deserted lock-
respect or support me,” he complained up garage in London. His suicide note
more than once. denied the charges, claiming that the
In his autobiography, Clough sex was consensual and that he was
recounts a dressing-down he gave being blackmailed by his accuser. Part
Justin after hearing rumours that he of the note read: “I realised that I had
was going to gay bars: “’Where do you already been presumed guilty. I do not
tragedy of a 17-year-old gay friend who had been forced go if you want a loaf of bread?’ I asked want to give any more embarrassment
out of his family home by homophobic parents, and who him. ‘A baker’s, I suppose.’ ‘Where do to my friends and family.”
subsequently committed suicide: “I felt angry at the waste you go if you want a leg of lamb?’ ‘A Whatever the truth about these
of his life and guilty because I had not been able to help butcher’s.’ ‘So why do you keep going to allegations, Justin had — like all of
him. I wanted to do something positive to stop such deaths that bloody poofs’ club?’” us — his share of failings. Without
happening again, so I decided to set an example and come Sadly, the clash with Clough excusing these mistakes, they were the
out in the papers.” turned from bad to worse. Justin’s culmination of a lifetime of rejection
Whatever the true reason for him coming out, one thing performance went into a tail-spin. that began when, as a young boy, he
is certain: he wasn’t fully prepared for the backlash and the Desperate for emotional reassurance, was given up by his mother and put in
“heavy damage” it would inflict on his football career. He got he turned to evangelical Christianity, a Barnardo’s children’s home. 
homophobic abuse from fans, and few clubs were willing to which further screwed up his life. With Despite all the rejection he endured,
sign him given his diminishing goal-scoring abilities.  his church damning homosexuality, Justin had a remarkable, praiseworthy
This was a far cry from his glittering football debut. he became conflicted and stressed. capacity for forgiveness. Talking of
In 1980, aged 19, Justin was signed to Nottingham Forest Desperate attempts at relationships the hurt inflicted on him by others,
football club for £1 million. The expectations were huge. with women failed. While publicly and acknowledging his own errors of
There was the pressure to deliver goals and to become a proclaiming Christian celibacy, he judgement, Fashanu wrote in 1994:
black spokesperson. He found his sudden celebrity status ended up resorting to furtive gay sex. “I don’t think you ever forget those
both a blessing and a great burden. This made it impossible for him to mistakes, or the mistakes that other
Justin was closeted back then and found it immensely have a stable same-sex relationship. people make that wound you, but it is
difficult to be gay in the macho, straight world of football Caught between God and gayness, important to forgive.”
— not to mention the stress of living a secret gay life while he suffered intense emotional and Justin Fashanu was a trailblazing
under the glare of the media spotlight. psychological turmoil. star – he was not flawless, but a star
Like many black footballers in those days, he was Justin became erratic and nonetheless.
subjected to racist taunts by fans from rival teams. They unpredictable, both on and off the pitch.
would make monkey noises and gestures, and throw His sometimes bizarre, indefensible Peter Tatchell is director of the Peter
bananas onto the pitch. But it was anti-gay prejudice that behaviour can only be fully understood Tatchell Foundation: 
ultimately dragged him down. in the context of a potentially brilliant petertatchellfoundation.org

NOVEMBER 2020 81
 BUSINESS PROFILE

Leigh Osborne
Owner of Chiswick Auctions
Words Markus Bidaux
Photography Steven McCauley

eigh Osborne followed an a week for five years. Then, in 2013, one of do sell things for hundreds of thousands

L
unusual route to becoming the the owners left the business, so I bought of pounds as well, but auctions are very
owner of Chiswick Auctions. half the company. I went from [being] the accessible to anybody, no matter what your
The 48-year-old Welshman was receptionist one day to one of the owners the income is and what your tastes are.
already a self-made millionaire when he next day, which was interesting. William left How did you grow the company after taking
started working as the auction house’s the company last summer, and I’m now the ownership?
receptionist. During the five years he sole owner of Chiswick Auctions. I’ve made a huge difference here. When I
spent in that role, he learned all about the Did you have a career trajectory that led you bought half the company, we did a hammer,
business, before buying it and increasing its to that point? which is what we actually sell in a year, of
annual sales fivefold. My number-one goal was to be an actor, about £3million. We only had 20 staff and
which never happened and shouldn’t have one sale a week. After being on reception for
How did you start your working career? as I would have been useless. My other goal five years, I could see that there was so much
I left school with no qualifications, and was that I wanted to be rich — I just wanted more that the company was capable of, that
when I was 16 I got a job as a dishwasher in to be a millionaire. I knew it would be we needed more specialised departments. So,
a Cardiff nightclub called The Philharmonic. through buying houses, because you could I invented departments for silver, jewellery,
By the time I was 22, I was the assistant make money on property in those days — handbags, watches, antiquities, Islamic art,
manager and then I left in 1994 to manage a now, of course, it’s impossible. It’s all a bit the list goes on.
nightclub in Dubai. It was pre-internet and vulgar, but I became a paper millionaire I went from 20 staff to 50 within
pre-mobile phones, when Dubai had sand before I was 30, which was an achievement about three years – very quick. It was a
and not much else. I was there for a year, because I’m just a boy from a council estate huge learning curve. Now I’m glad I did
which was a very interesting experience as a in Cardiff. it, because we’re very established. Sales
young, gay man. Then I came back to work in have gone from £3million six years ago to
nightclubs in London, which I loathed. £15million now. We’ve now got 20 different
In my mid-twenties, I worked in catering “My final project was departments, 70 staff and 150 sales a year.
and fashion recruitment. I earned a lot of the famous Grand It’s really super interesting, but sadly
commission, which allowed me to start Designs water tower in undiscovered by the masses — even though
buying houses. I spend a quarter of a million pounds a year
I bought my first rundown house in
Kennington” on advertising.
Clapham and went into property developing. The hard bit is finding the people who
In 2001, I bought 12 houses in Canary Wharf, Your home on Grand Designs appeared very understand the products. Specialists who
which I still own. All the way through my modern and at odds with the traditional work in auction houses who know what
thirties, I was a property developer, working pieces auctions sell. something’s worth, like you see on Antiques
on about 25 houses in London. My final This is my constant problem in life: people Roadshow, are like hen’s teeth, they’re
project was the famous Grand Designs water like you, who’ve never been to an auction, very hard to find. And it’s a chicken and
tower in Kennington for the series’ 100th think we just sell classical brown, ugly egg situation: people didn’t want to come
episode in 2012. I thought the interest would pictures, and that is far from the truth. That here when we weren’t established, and we
die down fairly quickly, but even after eight is probably 10 per cent of what I sell. My weren’t established because we didn’t have
years, it hasn’t, because [the programme constant battle is telling people who are the people. For the first few years, I was just
is] repeated all the time. I’m always getting young with a little bit of disposable income, employing anybody who I thought could do
random people making interesting “Don’t go to John Lewis to buy something it, I did make mistakes. They didn’t have the
proposals, wanting to have sex and all this because the next day it’s worth nothing; skill, but that then allowed us to grow.
sort of stuff, for some reason; it’s quite come to an auction house, because if you buy How did lockdown affect the business?
flattering. It’s amazing when you’ve been on something from here, the next day it’s worth Throughout the COVID pandemic, we have
TV for one hour how people think they can the same amount of money”. made no interruption to our business.
make these proposals. My partner and I have We have a design sale, which is all very Obviously, we didn’t have people in here
always said no, of course. modern furniture and ornaments, and we and I had a skeleton staff. All our sales went
Then, in 2008, my best friend, William, have an urban art sale. Of course, on the ahead and they were record-breaking —
bought a company called Chiswick Auctions. side, we do have the classical departments, we’ve never been so busy. I think people were
He asked if I would come and help out. I such as old master pictures and fine art. The at home, bored.
joined for what was supposed to be a month auctions are not full of expensive old things; It’s not scary buying at an auction, you
and stayed on as the receptionist three days our average lot price is probably £200. We do it on your phone, on the Tube or at home >

82 NOVEMBER 2020
 BUSINESS

CV
1988
Works at Cardiff’s Philharmonic nightclub
washing dishes before working his way up to
assistant manager

1994
Moved to Dubai to run a hotel bar

1995
Moved back to the UK to work at the
Hippodrome nightclub in London

1997
Started working in catering and fashion
recruitment

2001
Bought his first house to renovate as a
property developer

2008
Starts working at Chiswick Auctions as a
receptionist

2012
Renovated his final property, which appeared
on Grand Designs

2013
Buys half the shares in Chiswick Auctions

2019
Buys the remaining shares of Chiswick Auctions,
becoming the sole owner
BUSINESS

when you’re watching TV on an iPad. You

don’t have to come here and stick your hand
up in the air and get scared to death. Every
auction has someone standing behind a
rostrum with a hammer and it’s all video-
streamed. Our online presence is huge, our
website gets about 250,000 hits a month, it’s
incredibly busy.
What’s the best part of your job?
It’s ringing somebody up and telling them
their item that they thought was worth
in the low hundreds has in fact gone for
tens of thousands. For example, last week
we sold a picture we thought was worth
£800 because there was no signature on it.
Someone realised it was by a famous artist,
that you didn’t need a signature, and it went
for £22,000.
What are the weirdest things to come
through the auction house?
I’ve been working here for 12 years. I would
say every day I get surprised. I still see
things I did not know existed and that’s
why I love my job. People come in here to
have their stuff valued all the time, which
is free. Most stuff is mass-produced and
worth nothing.
We have a sale called The Curious to the
Extraordinary, which is all really wacky
HITTING THE SPOT:
things which you didn’t even know were Leigh has increased
invented or made. We have those sales three Chiswick Auctions’
sales fivefold
times a year; they’re the ones that really
excite me because you have no idea what’s
going to appear. And it’s all affordable, it’s all
fun. We’ve sold whales’ penises, mammoth
tusks, Winston Churchill’s cigar butt, Ab Fab secret here is that it’s not what something is
costumes — even the first beet ever canned “We’ve sold whales’ worth; it’s what two people think it’s worth.
in the UK. We sell 29,000 things here a year.
It’s really hard to pin it down to one thing
penises, mammoth tusks, If you’re bidding for a fabulous ring and
nobody else does, you might pay £500, but
because I just see so much stuff. Winston Churchill’s cigar if somebody else wants that same ring, it
Has being gay ever affected you in your butt, Ab Fab costumes…” could go for up to £10,000. I would also say
work life? jewellery should never be bought new from
When I worked in the nightclub in Cardiff, a shop because jewellers buy it from auction,
I was not confident in my sexuality. I knew Now, it’s quite interesting being a then they take it to the shop and charge
who I was, but it wasn’t appropriate because 48-year-old gay man employing young, gay a premium. We have a huge handbag and
it was a very rough, heterosexual nightclub. men. I give them a lot of advice on how to fashion department here — people shouldn’t
But of course, my friends knew, I knew, and act [when they’re at work], some of them buy brand-new handbags and things — they
it sort of just came out. Then, going to Dubai, don’t act appropriately, and they get a bit are second-hand but they’re immaculate. I
it was a very different time, I really had to big for their boots, a bit over the top. I say: would say, people need to not be intimidated
hide it. It’s not acceptable to be gay there “Calm down, it’ll all be OK, you don’t have by auctions — don’t think of Christie’s and
now, let alone in 1994, and I sort of went to be this, that or the other, just let life take Sotheby’s, they are the top, top, top of the
back in the closet, so to speak. When I moved its course.” pyramid, there are lots of others who are
to London in 1995 when I was 23, that’s What advice do you have for people who are just below them, which offer a very easy and
when I really found myself. It was OK to be intimidated by auctions? fun experience.
gay in London, more so than in Cardiff or My advice would be, follow it online and see
definitely Dubai. what happens. You’ll see that it’s easy. The chiswickauctions.co.uk

84 NOVEMBER 2020
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THE WORLD IN FOCUS

89 Just The Ticket 90 Copenhagen WorldPride 2021 96 Puglia 100 Hot Hotel: Hotel Arlberg

NOVEMBER 2020 87
 INVESTMENTS
MORTGAGES
PENSIONS
LIFE INSURANCE

We’ll
cover
it
ATTITUDEFS.CO.UK
01342 850 432

Attitude Financial Services Limited is an appointed representative of Quilter Financial Services Limited and Quilter Mortgage Planning Limited, who are authorised and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. Guidance and/or advice offered is subject to the UK regulatory
regime, and is therefore targeted at consumers based in the UK. Enterprise Investment schemes (EIS) and Venture Capital Trusts (VCT) invest in assets that are high risk and can be difficult to sell such as shares in unlisted companies. The value of the investment and the income
from it can fall as well as rise and investors may not get back what they originally invested, even taking into account the tax benefi ts. Your home may be repossessed if you do not keep up repayments on your mortgage. The value of pensions and investments and the income they
produce can fall as well as rise. You may get back less than you invested. Tax planning is not regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority. Tax treatment varies according to individual circumstances and is subject to change. Registered company name: Attitude Financial Services
Limited. Registered as a Limited Company in England and Wales No 11695594. Registered Address: Woodlands House, Beeches Lane, Cowden, Kent TN8 7LA
 v

ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY

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self-catering holiday cottages, apartments
and homes situated in the Cotswolds,
Cornwall and Devon. Lemons Cottage, their
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an autumnal getaway. The newly renovated
thatched property is nestled in the quaint
village of Atherington, not far from some of
Devon’s finest beaches. The contemporary
interior sleeps up to six and has a chic fitted
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sandandstoneescapes.com

Just the
TICKET
AM HARRIS
Words Markus Bidaux

BLACK TRAVEL MATTERS

President of the Black Travel Alliance,
Martinique Lewis has created The ABC Travel
Green Book, a modern take on Victor Hugo
Green’s iconic Green
Book travel guides
for black Americans
published between the
1930s-1960s. In keeping ONE HOTEL,
with the spirit of Green’s TWO OFFERS
original guides, the new East London hotel The Stratford
title aims to connect has two enticing offers for a quick
black travellers with staycation. First up, the ‘24 Hours
African communities at The Stratford’ deal lives up to
globally, by listing its name: you choose your check-
black-owned businesses, in time and then the room is yours
neighbourhoods and for a full 24 hours. As a bonus, The
communities safe for Stratford will treat you to a £100
black travellers across credit to use anywhere in the hotel.
six continents. Select ‘The Grape Escape’ offer, and you’ll be
whisked off to Kent for a private wine-tasting tour
abctravelnetwork.com of three vineyards and wineries, plus lunch in a
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with breakfast in The Lounge.

thestratford.com

NOVEMBER 2020 89
GIMME MOORE:
Danish drag queen
Megan Moore hosts
Drag Night for 2017’s
Copenhagen Pride
 Travel

Love & hygge:

Copenhagen
WorldPride 2021
For the first time ever, WorldPride will be
hosted by two different cities next year. In
2021, Copenhagen, Denmark, and Malmö in
Sweden will come together to provide twice
the fun, culture and protest
Words Markus Bidaux

WILFRED GACHAU
 WINGS OF LOVE: An
‘angel’ leads the way
during Copenhagen
Pride 2019

W orldPride is going to be a
very different event next
year. For the first time, it
will spread the love across two cities,
with Copenhagen sharing the hosting
that what it lacks in size will be more
than made up for by a more intimate,
community spirit.

Pride of place
City Hall. What’s more, Copenhagen
2021 will coincide with two LGBTI+
anniversaries: 70 years since the
world’s first successful genital
reconstructive surgery took place in
duties with neighbouring Malmö in “Copenhagen 2021 will be a very unique Denmark in 1951; and 50 years after
Sweden. Just 18 miles apart, the Danish WorldPride,” says Lars Henriksen, Gay Liberation Front’s Danish branch
capital and Malmö are connected by political consultant for Copenhagen was founded in 1971.
the rail and motorway Øresund Bridge. 2021 and chairperson for Copenhagen If that were not enough,
As a result, WorldPride 2021 — taking Pride since 2013. “We will really bring Copenhagen WorldPride even has the
place from 12-22 August — will have the Danish and Scandinavian DNA to royal seal of approval. The much-
not one, but two parades, as well as the event, and visitors will really know loved Crown Princess of Denmark is
the EuroGames, an arts and culture where they are – after all, we’ve been its patron, and will be the first ever
programme and the biggest LGBTI+ voted the best city in the world to be royal to serve in such a role for a major
Human Rights Forum ever. LGBTI+. Copenhagen and Malmö are LGBTI+ event.
Traditionally, the biennial WorldPride relatively small, but they exude charm Every year, many argue that Pride
has hosted a million-plus attendees, but and are incredibly welcoming to all. has lost its meaning and become one
2019’s New York City WorldPride, which We won’t be the biggest WorldPride, big party. For Henriksen, it’s a time to
also marked the 50th anniversary of the but we’re confident we’ll be among the draw attention to those who still face
Stonewall uprising, enticed more than most welcoming.” discrimination. “The situation for
four million revellers. As Denmark’s Denmark has long been a world LGBTI+ people in Denmark is among
FOTOGRAF RENATO MANZIONNA

entire population is just short of 6 leader in championing LGBTI+ rights. the best in the world in general, but
million, while Copenhagen’s is one In 2014, the city renamed one of its LGBTI+ people still face prejudice
million, it’s physically impossible for main squares Rainbow Square, and and discrimination based on their
next year’s event to be on the scale of three years later, they hoisted the ethnicity, nationality, disability, HIV
the Big Apple’s. But although the event world’s first permanent rainbow flag status and economic situation. During
will be a much smaller affair, it’s hoped in the square, next to Copenhagen’s Copenhagen Pride this year, our

92 NOVEMBER 2020
 v

LOVE PARADE:
Copenhagen Pride
is Denmark’s largest
human rights festival
FOTOGRAF TANYA RANDSTOFT

RAINBOW FAMILY:
Modern families
make themselves
heard at Pride 2018

MISS
CONGENIALITY:
Drag Race’s Katya
at Copenhagen
Pride 2017

government announced an ambitious our Crown Princess and the Prime through three manifestos, differing
but very welcome 10-point plan Minister,” explains Aron Le Févre, in scope. We want to push people
for furthering LGBTI+ equality, and Copenhagen 2021’s director for in every region, but we cannot ask
we look forward to exploring these human rights. “But maybe even more an African parliamentarian to sign
themes during Copenhagen 2021. importantly, activists that need a the same document as a Swedish
“We very much see Copenhagen voice, [and] community members business leader. The [LGBTI+] status
2021 as the setting for discussions and that will bring in new perspectives in these countries are completely
advocacy about the future of LGBTI+ and lived experiences. The conference different and we want to include
equality globally. There are things still to needs to offer a stage to new voices all. We will give every individual
achieve in the Nordic region, and marginalised voices, for or organisation the choice which
but there is so much more to “Copenhagen has been instance, people of colour, manifesto they can sign.”
do elsewhere. We’re building indigenous peoples, youth,
a platform from which
voted the best city in the refugees and people with Game on
campaigning and activism world to be LGBTI+” disabilities that are part Amateur athletes from around Europe
can be taken forward.” of our community. We also will be racing to Copenhagen 2021 to
expect a pop-culture star and a big participate in one of Europe’s largest
Bang to rights name in sports.” multi-sport events, the EuroGames.
The LGBTI+ Human Rights Forum aims Looking to the future, Copenhagen The sporting event is similar to the
to take Pride back to its roots. The three- 2021 will launch the Øresund international Gay Games, which
day conference will start in the middle Declaration, named after the strait is open to everyone irrespective of
of Copenhagen 2021 on 17 August and of water which forms the Danish- sex, age, sexual or gender identity
will act as a platform for discussions Swedish border. or physical ability. From 18 to 20
on a wide range of subjects including “The Declaration will be our August, more than 6,000 athletes will
decriminalisation, conversion therapy legacy,” reveals Aron. “Not only for compete in 29 sports across 12 venues,
and the rights of refugees. the Human Rights Forum, but for the including several in Malmö, for the
“We expect a number of important, entire event. The declaration, which roller derby, figure-skating, ice hockey
high-level speakers. For example, is in development, will likely exist and basketball. And for the first >

NOVEMBER 2020 93
time in its nearly 30-year history, the Copenhagen 2021’s director of sports. Culture club
EuroGames is going global with the “But in sport there really is so much To exercise the mind, Copenhagen
addition of Esports so gamers can get further to go. You only have to look at 2021’s Art and Culture programme
their kicks on the FIFA video game. the lack of out LGBTI+ athletes in elite will roll out at four centres around
The tournament is not just about sport to realise that something is wrong. Copenhagen. Just outside Pride Square,
thousands of athletes Through our EuroGames Arcadia will be an enclosed, open-air
competing — for the first “The lack of out LGBTI+ tournaments and the garden that will act as a space of calm
time, during the EuroGames conferences and public reflection where art classes will take
a conference of 200 sports
athletes shows that activities, we hope to give place and a soundscape will be played
leaders will work towards something is wrong” athletes a great event but also throughout the day.
empowering LGBTI+ sports to take forward discussions Another square will host Fluids,
clubs in Europe and to foster more on how we can increase LGBTI+ which will feature a line-up of non-
inclusivity in the athletic community. participation in sports worldwide.” masculine speakers, performers
“With protection for LGBTI+ people Everyone can get a workout at the and artists with an emphasis on
in the workplace, at home, at school, Sports Village — drop into the Harbour the fluidity of gender and sexuality.
it’s easy to think that ‘equality’ is Baths, where you can dive, swim, play There will be a building dedicated
almost achieved,” notes Ayhan Can, polo or go for a kayak. exclusively for young people, and
outside the architecture museum,
BLOX Rainbow Children will be aimed
LGBTI+ COLOURS:
Copenhagen’s at rainbow families.
Rainbow Square “Arts and culture are so important
during this
year’s Pride for the community, because for the
audience it offers up a different way of
having and creating that community
through shared aesthetic experience
than, say, a conference,” says Sasha
Carlson, Copenhagen 2021’s culture
coordinator. “For the artists, we
believe that showcasing the breadth
and range of queer art highlights
that art by LGBTI+ artists matches
the quality of any other artist. It’s
showing that arts and culture are
more than the cherry on top, it’s a way
of creating understanding and a way
of protesting.”
There will be art and culture
collaborations across the city
and, in a nice incidence of
serendipity, Copenhagen’s Arnold
Busck bookstore will partner
with Copenhagen 2021 as part
of the shop’s 125th anniversary.
They will host a series of cultural
events, readings, meet-the-author
opportunities and discussions.

Pride highlights
The Opening Ceremony kicks things
off on Friday 13 August in the
epicentre of the whole event, City Hall
Square, which will be transformed
into WorldPride Square for the next
ten days. The next day, Malmö will
host the opening parade followed by
three nights of parties, including a
Eurovision-themed bash for the song
contest’s devoted fans.
After the first weekend, most
festivities will be held in Copenhagen.
Every night will feature a signature,
all-inclusive celebration as well
as privately organised events for

94 NOVEMBER 2020
 Travel

different sub-groups and fetishes –

FLAG STOP: A float
don’t forget to pack your glitter or from Copenhagen
leathers — or both! Pride 2017

On the second Friday, Copenhagen

Pride’s traditional Drag Night
returns in what is definitely the
biggest drag event in Europe, if not
the world. In past years, this event
has been headlined by RuPaul’s Drag
Race’s Vivacious and Katya, who have
led a cavalcade of drag artists in
performances that are in equal parts
entertaining and political. “The show
runs for over four hours, has around
50 acts and about 80 performers and
draws a crowd of between 20-30,000
people,” says Henriksen.
On 21 August, the final day of the
WorldPride 2021 festivities, among the
highlights will be Copenhagen’s 25th
Pride Parade, which will work its way
through the city before the Closing
Ceremony brings the event to an end
in WorldPride Square.

copenhagen2021.com

Copenhagen WorldPride
FRIDAY 13 AUGUST* Human Rights Conference (Day 2), Øksnehallen, Copenhagen
Copenhagen 2021 Opening Ceremony, Rådhuspladsen, 1:1 Democracy Festival, Øksnehallen, Copenhagen
Copenhagen Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
SATURDAY 14 AUGUST
WorldPride Square opens, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen THURSDAY 19 AUGUST
Copenhagen 2021 Opening Parade, Malmö EuroGames tournaments, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
Arts & Culture programme begins, throughout Copenhagen and Sports Village, Islands Brygge, Copenhagen
Malmö Human Rights Conference (Day 3), Øksnehallen, Copenhagen
1:1 Democracy Festival, Øksnehallen, Copenhagen
SUNDAY 15 AUGUST Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
FRIDAY 20 AUGUST
MONDAY 16 AUGUST EuroGames tournaments, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
Human Rights Forum Official Opening, UN City, Copenhagen Sports Village, Islands Brygge, Copenhagen
1:1 Democracy Festival begins, Øksnehallen, Copenhagen Interparliamentary Plenary Assembly, Christiansborg Palace,
Sports Leader’s Conference (Day 1), DGI Byen, Copenhagen Copenhagen
Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö Refugees, Borders & Immigration Summit, Malmö
WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen InterPride & EPOA Reception, Tivoli Gardens, Copenhagen
1:1 Democracy Festival, Øksnehallen, Copenhagen
TUESDAY 17 AUGUST Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
Human Rights Conference (Day 1), Øksnehallen, Copenhagen WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
Sports Leaders’ Conference (Day 2), DGI Byen, Copenhagen
Sports Village opening, Islands Brygge, Copenhagen SATURDAY 21 AUGUST
1:1 Democracy Festival, Øksnehallen, Copenhagen WorldPride Parade, Frederiksberg Rådhus to Copenhagen
Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö Rådhus
WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen Arts & Culture programme, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
WorldPride Square, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
WEDNESDAY 18 AUGUST Copenhagen 2021 Closing Ceremony and Concert,
EuroGames Opening Ceremony, Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen Rådhuspladsen, Copenhagen
EuroGames tournaments, throughout Copenhagen and Malmö
Sports Village, Islands Brygge, Copenhagen *All dates and locations are subject to change

NOVEMBER 2020 95
 Well-heeled A
t the time of writing this, I
have just moved back in with
my parents at the ripe old
age of 34. Miss Rona forced my hand
and, needless to say, I feel far from
A feast for the eyes and stomach, triumphant about the situation.
Thomas Stichbury’s trip to Puglia in Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful –
not to mention extremely privileged
south-east Italy provided plenty of – to even have the option of being able
food for thought to shack up with my folks again, and
for sure there are plenty of perks. Wow,
had I forgotten the wonders of owning
a tumble dryer and having Summer
Breeze-scented dryer sheets; after years
of wearing clothes dusted with the
faint aroma of mildew, this is pure,
fucking opulence.
However, what I definitely did
not miss is sitting through almost
itchingly awkward, mostly silent
mealtimes with my mum and dad
(there is no love lost between these

TWIN PEAKS: The

famous trulli houses
of Alberobello

96 NOVEMBER 2020
 v

two), where the spine-shuddering

sound of cutlery scraping upon plates
suddenly becomes as inexplicably and
obnoxiously loud as the “BLAM!”s from
a Christopher Nolan film. WHITE OUT: Hilltop
As I retreat to my shoebox town Ostuni can be
seen for miles around
childhood bedroom and wriggle about
getting reacquainted with my single SMOKIN’ HOT: Luxury
lounging at converted
bed, the remains of a Posh Spice sticker tobacco factory, Il
still visible on my bedpost, it is mind- Tabacchificio
boggling to think that a handful of
a months ago, pre-coronavirus, I was
swanning about in south-east Italy.
I feel an ever-so-slight pang at the
thought, especially given my last
exciting escapade was probably a stroll
to my local branch of Costa. But that is
what memories are for, to bathe in the
warm, nostalgic glow of good times.

LAST OCTOBER, I travelled to Puglia,

or Apulia, to adopt its Latin name –
it’s kind of a “pull my hair back and
call me whatever you want” thing.
Providing the heel to Italy’s boot,
the destination is renowned for its
history-seeped towns, sandy beaches
and mouth-watering cuisine. restaurant known for its traditional Primitivo and a Black Malvasia, its
Oh, and Justin Timberlake and his Puglian grub. three main varieties of red. Normally,
missus Jessica Biel tied the knot there. Before we tuck in, the owners I am the sloppiest wine drunk, but
Sadly, the chances of me bringing present us with a blind test to I manage to keep my shit together
the SexyBack with an Italian stallion determine which olive oil we prefer: and leave the winery with my dignity
during my stay were slim to none, the one made on site using the intact; who am I kidding? I kicked that
as I set off from the UK with an old press, or the other, produced biatch to the curb yonks ago, she was
unexpected travel companion: the elsewhere by modern machinery. holding me back.
beginnings of a cold sore. More on my This could potentially be very Feeling warm and woozy, we briefly
crusty lip in a sec. embarrassing, but thankfully return to our divine digs for
The trip was organised by bespoke we collectively pick the “Italy is the largest the first few nights of our
travel company, The Thinking Traveller golden oldie and avoid getaway, Il Tabacchificio. A
– they do all the thinking, so you don’t pissing off our hosts. Phew. producer of wine in the former tobacco factory built
have to – and the brief was sublimely Next up is a spot (or swig) world, thanks to Puglia” in the 1930s, the property was
simple: eat lots, drink fine wine and of wine-tasting. Italy is the then used to store wheats
relax at a string of awesome abodes. I largest producer of wine in the world, and cereals, before being transformed
know, sounds awful. mostly thanks to Puglia, which delivers into an exquisite living space you can
Between 50 and 60 million olive roughly 17 per cent of that total. So, really feel your oats in.
trees cover the region, so it would be there are, ahem, grape expectations Flanked by a perimeter of pine
rude not to sample their wares. Driving when we head to the ancient Duca trees, the villa is light and airy,
to the Salento peninsula – a haven Carlo Guarini winery. bringing together the old and new,
for water babies, lapped as it is by the Sat under the pergola in the orange with reclaimed and upcycled wooden
Adriatic and Ionian seas – myself and tree-scented garden of the thousand- and stone features sitting alongside
a group of fellow journalists stop off year-old family business, we enjoy contemporary pieces. The outside is
at Masseria Le Stanzie, a wholesome a guided tasting of a Negroamaro, a equally eye-pleasing, with perfectly >

NOVEMBER 2020 97
T avel
PIAZZA THE
ACTION: Ostuni’s
palatial town hall

the area has been recognised as a

Unesco World Heritage Site, protected
for its “outstanding universal value,
an exceptional example of a form of
building construction deriving from
prehistoric techniques that have
survived intact and functioning into
the modern world”.
Popping up hundreds of years ago –
the oldest surviving ones date back to
the 14th century – they were generally
GROUNDED: built as temporary accommodation
Leaving a trail of that could be swiftly dismantled when
devastation…
the property tax collectors strode in.
Then comes my personal
preened lawns and a vast swimming Boy, did I sleep easy that night. After highlight of the getaway: becoming a
pool. However the deckchairs could be applying one last lick of Zovirax, that is. cheesemaker for the afternoon. Brie,
sturdier – please direct your attention Camembert, Dairylea triangles… I am a
to the picture above for an image of MADONNA’S ICONIC CONICAL BRA. huge fan of fromage, and I was giddy
elegance and grace personified. That’s the image that springs to at the prospect
Sporting a slightly sore bottom (it’s mind when we arrive in Alberobello, “Brie, Camembert, of enrolling in
a picture-perfect town famous for its a workshop to
OK, I’m used to it…), I am whisked off
for the evening to Castello di Caprarica, trulli houses — Smurf-esque structures
Dairylea… I am a huge learn the secrets
a 16th-century castle fit for a princess, with cylindrical bases and coned fan of fromage” of making
for a cooking class with the fabulous limestone roofs that cannot be more mozzarella and
and, more importantly, patient than two-and-a-half metres high. the Beyoncé of cheeses: burrata.
Graziella. Nimble fingers are required Adorned with painted evil eyes, Led by cheery, rosy-cheeked local
as we prepare orecchiette, the flat cap- crosses or astronomical signs, they producer Gianni, we watch as he turns
shaped pasta shells that are the pride are cute as a button. So much so that that morning’s cow milk into great
of Puglia. globules of gooey goodness. Which, of
The kitchen is alive with the sound course, we then get to eat, falling into a
of clinking, clanking pans, and A taste of Puglia blissful food coma afterwards.
sumptuous smells of our upcoming It is a case of saving the best till last
feast. I take a satisfying sip of white IL TABACCHIFICIO as we roll into the final villa of our stay,
wine, then place my glass back on the Price is dependent on occupancy: Palombara Piccola, nestled in the olive
table. Before I can say anything, one of From £6,957 per week (sleeping 8) groves of the Adriatic plain, between
the other journos lifts the same glass PALOMBARA PICCOLA the town of Ostuni and the sea.
to her lips before exclaiming: “Oh my Price is dependent on occupancy: Arranged over three levels, the pièce
god, Stich, you have a cold sore!” From £5,010 per week (sleeping 8) de résistance of the lush, six-bedroom
Turns out that she has never had LE STANZIE pad is a Rapunzel-style terrace
the unsightly lip accessory and is From €40 per person including olive-oil tasting, tour with breath-taking sea views. After
slightly panicked. I assure her that the and lunch somehow managing to squeeze in an
glass barely made any contact, and DUCA CARLO GUARINI WINERY exquisite farewell meal prepared by
that if worst comes to the worst, I’ll €76 for a 1.5-hour tasting and winery tour for two private in-house chefs, I slope off to
share my tube of Zovirax with her. I’m CASTELLO DI CAPRARICA bed and wait for the inevitable cheese
nice like that. The two-hour cookery class costs €146 per person nightmares to descend…
At least a little placated, we put followed by lunch or dinner
herpes-gate to bed and fill our CHEESE-MAKING IN ALBEROBELLO I WAKE in the morning and should
bellies with a fully fledged banquet: €48 per person for tour and cheese-making for four get cracking on packing, but alas I
meatballs; aubergine parmigiana; people (this is the minimum group size) am distracted by the dream I had,
arancini with saffron and in which I met my Prince Charming.
mozzarella; fava beans; panzerotti The villas are available to rent exclusively through We’re getting down to business, but as
(deep-fried pizza balls); orecchiette The Thinking Traveller, which can also arrange the I peel down his pants, I discover that
with turnip tops and tomato passata, above experiences his testicles have been replaced by
and desserts of torta pasticciotto and thethinkingtraveller.com massive balls of burrata. What could it
figs from the garden. possibly mean?!

98 NOVEMBER 2020
T avel

H O T H O T E L
Hotel Arlberg
AUST R IA

BUREAURABENSTEINER
T he mountain village of Lech, in a balcony that looked out over the Although Lech is known for skiing,
Words
Joseph Kocharian
western Austria, is so picturesque, magnificent landscape, and a bed that there is much more to do than hit
with its babbling brook, breath- I didn’t want to leave as I watched the the slopes. In summer, the hotel
taking mountains and pretty alpine snow falling outside. can organise for you to go hiking or
chalets, that you feel like you’ve walked The hotel spa beckoned, however. In cycling, or to take a classic car for a
into a Christmas card scene. Lech is a beautiful blush colour scheme that spin in the mountains. Adrenalin
frequently visited by the rich and soothes the soul, this subterranean junkies can walk along the Holzgau
famous, including the world’s royalty, oasis has an indoor pool and plenty of suspension bridge or even try
who like to stay at the same hotel each places for you to curl up and nest in, pre canyoning — that’s abseiling down
time they visit. In the late Princess or post spa treatment. But the real draw a waterfall to you and me. But if you
Diana’s case, her chosen hideaway was is the heated outdoor pool — a rare simply fancy a wander, in the village
the five-star Hotel Arlberg. offering in Lech. There simply aren’t you’ll find an array of alpine eateries,
This luxurious hotel has been run enough superlatives to describe taking and shops selling traditional foods
by three generations of the Schneider a dip as the steam rises against the such as fondue and schnitzel.
family, with the current keyholders breathtaking backdrop of snow-topped Whatever you do, the hotel makes the
being Benjamin Schneider and mountains. The outdoor terrace and perfect retreat. When I return after a
husband Patrick. And it’s clear from the bar mean you can enjoy a cocktail or snowy outing, a hot chocolate, infused
decor — the Arlberg has just undergone two while you drink in the view, too. with rum, soon warms the spirit as I
a €5million renovation — that the boys When you’ve built up an appetite, the gaze at the stunning surroundings both
have impeccable taste. hotel has two restaurants — headed inside and out. It’s like being in Mariah
None of the 51 rooms is alike, but up by executive chef, Patrick Tober — Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You
mine is particularly unique. I stayed in which offer both traditional cuisine video, and the Arlberg certainly hits all
Princess Di’s suite, which was palatial, (complete with carefully guarded the high notes.
and, naturally, fit for a queen, with family recipes) as well as Italian and
a rainforest shower, roll-top bath, Mediterranean fare. arlberghotel.at

100 NOVEMBER 2020

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Chiyo Gomes
p112

MIND, BODY AND WELL-BEING

104 Fitness Revolution 110 Matt Lister 111 A Problem Shared 112 Real Bodies

NOVEMBER 2020 103

 ES S
TN
FI REVOL
TOWIE
UTION
’s B o b b
h
y Norris
e pulled
ls h o w
revea o ck body
off h i s s h
a n s f o r m ation
tr

Word
s
Photo Markus Bid
graph
y Max aux
Ellis
 ACTIVE

T
o say we were impressed on TV, to feel good about my body is a
when Bobby Norris of The completely different thing.
Only Way Is Essex unveiled Have you hung up the one-sided
his brand-new body is an Speedo for good?
understatement. While the rest of us Absolutely, it is never coming out again.
spent lockdown gorging on treats, What inspired you to do your body
Bobby, 34, was hard at work pulling transformation?
off a 75-day body transformation I started going to the gym a year ago
— just in time for filming the tenth and training a little bit because I’m
anniversary season of TOWIE. So, how in my early 30s now and I thought,
did he do it? right, it’s the time to start. Then,
when lockdown was announced, I
What was your relationship with thought, OK, this is going to go one
fitness growing up? way or the other, I’m either going
I was never overly into sports. I did to self-isolate with the fridge and
a little bit of hurdles, some cross regret not using this time [or I need
country and I loved my running back to change my routine]. I found out
in my school days, but I never had the about The Six Pack Revolution and
best relationship with fitness at all, to I was so amazed when I saw the
be honest. ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos that I said I
When you arrived on The Only Way Is was going to commit 100 per cent to
Essex you were quite slim. Were you this routine. I contacted the founder
happy with your body at that time? Scott Harrison, who has literally
When I look back, I’ve always admired become a friend for life, he has
people that could train and I always almost become my life guru.
wanted to build up [muscle]. There How long is The Six Pack Revolution
is so much emphasis on people not programme?
being happy with their bodies and It is a 75-day challenge. I was doing
it’s all relative. People at either end 15 minutes of exercise every day,
of the scale [overweight or slim] feel and then twice a week I had to do a
the same. And hand on heart, I wasn’t 30-minute session. It was a little bit
happy with my body. of everything, I was doing cardio,
But you must have been quite boxing, weights. I was given videos
confident with your body when you according to which group I was in
wore that one-sided Speedo? and that group is given challenges, so
I’ve been on TOWIE for nine years you are all on the same journey and
now — on that side of my life I’m very it gives it such a sense of community.
confident and sometimes I put up a bit But I could watch the videos and do
of bravado. Although I’m happy to go my training at any time of the day. >

NOVEMBER 2020 105

And this was all during lockdown? I knew my goal, so I gave it 100 per Do you know how much your weight
Yeah, I didn’t have access to a gym, so I cent. Everything I was told to eat I was and measurements changed?
was doing it all at home, in my garden going to eat. I was blown away by The The Six Pack Revolution isn’t really
and going for runs outside. Six Pack Revolution recipe book. It was done like that. You do your ‘before’
A lot of people struggle to work out at incredible, there are so many options photo and then your ‘after’ photo at
home. How did your coaches keep you that I have probably only made half of the end, and during the challenge you
motivated? the recipes so far. take photos each week to monitor
All the coaches that I’ve Is it one of those diets where your progress. It’s not about weighing
come into contact with have “It’s not about my you eat more, or less, than yourself, it’s about eating and training
been incredible. But when I
get to the point that I truly
body, it’s what it you normally would?
I was never hungry. I was
right. For me, it’s not about my body,
which sounds so strange, it’s what it
want to do something, my does for my mind” definitely eating more than I does for my mind. I wouldn’t go back
mindset is there so I would normally would have. I started to how I was feeling prior to The Six
wake up hungry for it. I look forward meal prepping a couple of times a week Pack Revolution compared to how I
to doing my challenges, I love the so then there really was no excuse, it felt during and post, because I have
training. And what overrode the whole was already in storage to wolf through genuinely never felt so good.
thing was what it’s done for my mind. when I needed it. When did you finish your 75-day
How vital was changing your diet to Was there any cheating? challenge?
the challenge? I never, ever cheated because I knew I finished it in August. I’m definitely
Crucial. I was never the best with food; what I wanted and I was taking it so going to do another wave of it,
I would just grab it on the go and the seriously. And you’re not cheating the though, but what I took from my first
things I was grabbing weren’t the best. plan, you are only cheating yourself. challenge is that I now know how to >

106 NOVEMBER 2020

 ACTIVE

LOOKING GOOD: Bobby spars

with Scott Harrison, PT and
founder of The Six
Pack Revolution

NOVEMBER 2020 107

ACTIVE

train and eat right and now it’s more However, when it comes to the point lockdown and I’m so grateful that they
about management and continuing to when you’re being homophobic, picked it back up again. I explained
follow the programme only five days when you’re sending death threats my experience and how much worse it
a week. or being racist, that crosses a line, had got during lockdown, which didn’t
Have you noticed a change in the and it shouldn’t be acceptable. surprise me because we are in such a
way people treat you since the Unfortunately, social media has terrible way in the world, and people
transformation? become so big, so quickly, in the grand were taking it to another level. Death
I’ve definitely had amazing comments scheme of things, that the law hasn’t threats beyond death threats, people
from people, both in person and caught up yet. I get so many messages were taking the time to superimpose
online. More than anything, it’s given from people who don’t leave their my head onto videos and still photos of
me more confidence. And now that house, they don’t go to work, they people hanging, in coffins, being shot.
gyms are back open again, I feel more self-harm and it’s devastating. I have It was horrific.
confident to walk into a had direct messages from I think the next step is to look at
gym, whereas I was a little “Sending death parents whose children have social media and the technology
bit insecure a year ago.
Speaking about online
threats or being taken their own life because
they were being trolled. It’s
side of things. The good news is that
Parliament seem to be acknowledging
comments, can you tell racist crosses a line” a really serious thing. A lot the problem now.
me about the petitions of people think it is only You are filming the tenth anniversary
against online bullying you have put celebrities that are trolled, but you season of TOWIE. What can you tell us
to Parliament? don’t have to be in the public eye to be about that?
I’ve done a couple of petitions trolled nowadays. TOWIE is very much TOWIE, even during
now. I love social media, it is such Your most recent bill surpassed a global pandemic. We can’t all be at the
a massive part of our lives. It’s not 100,000 signatures and then you same place at the same time because of
going anywhere, the genie’s out of the were asked to talk to Parliament social-distancing rules, but it’s just as
bottle and as a whole it is an amazing for a second time on 21 May, during dramatic as ever. More than anything,
tool. Unfortunately, there is a small lockdown. Did anything happen as it’s amazing that we have been going
percentage of people that enjoy a result? for ten years and to celebrate we have
trolling others. I would never take Obviously, with the global pandemic, had some old faces come and do some
away someone’s freedom of speech — I couldn’t go back into Parliament cameos for it.
everyone is allowed to have opinions like I did the first time, but we did it
and I’m more than happy with that. virtually. I spoke with some MPs during thesixpackrevolution.com

108 NOVEMBER 2020

ACTIVE

MOVE TO BOOST MOOD

Regular exercise doesn’t just tone your muscles, it
helps your mind stay fit, too, says Matt Lister

E
xercise is not only good for your brisk, 10-minute walk can clear the mind
body, but it’s also a vital tonic and help you to relax. And once you start
for your mind. Taking care of to move, you’re more likely to want to
your fitness has a huge role to play in step things up a gear.
maintaining both your mental as well as PACK A BAG Keep a bag with your
your physical health. fitness kit inside and place it by the
The NHS prescribes exercise as front door. This method has helped to
a remedy for symptoms of anxiety trick my mind into thinking that half
and depression — a few of the many the work of going to the gym is already
unwanted gifts Miss Rona has left behind done and made me more likely to just
in her path of destruction across the grab it and go.
globe. It is also recommended that we do TALK Tell someone that you are feeling
at least 150 minutes of exercise per week low and need a hand getting back to
to maintain a healthy mind and body. your normal self again. Confide in
That might seem like a large number, but your family, chosen family, or a friend
broken down into — someone you
seven days, that’s “A 10-minute walk love and trust.
only 20 minutes a Sharing the dark
day — and most of us can clear the mind secret that you are
can do much better and help you relax” struggling with
than that. can help lift the
It’s far too easy to get caught in a weight that’s been pinning you down.
vicious circle when suffering with poor GET AWAY Taking a trip might feel like
mental health — you can’t bring yourself running away from your problems, but it
to do anything, let alone work out. can be a great reset button, and it doesn’t
However, the longer you go without that have to be far, for long or expensive.
physical release and the mood boost that Whether it’s for a day, a weekend or
exercise can bring, the deeper you can a week, a change of scenery may be
tumble into that dark hole, and in turn the boost that helps to lift you out of
the less motivated you are to leave the depression, especially if it’s somewhere
house and go for that run or cycle or to with plenty of sunshine and nature to
drag yourself to the gym. I’ve been there, soak up.
and it’s not cute. Here are a couple of tips Remember that there is always light at
I have picked up that have helped me the end of the tunnel that is depression,
fight my way back when feeling low. but getting moving can help with the
healing process. Increase your motivation
GET STARTED The first step can be by taking a friend along to train together,
the hardest thing. It’s too easy to get or why not shake things up by trying
caught up in the idea that training has something completely new, such as a
Words to be intense and hard work. Starting an dance or kickboxing class? Find the
Matt Lister
Photography
exercise regime can come in many shape kickstart that works for you and hold
Markus Bidaux and forms — it’s been proven that even a onto it.

110 NOVEMBER 2020

 ACTIVE

A PROBLEM
SHARED
Got a problem? Dr Ranj Singh
is here to offer his advice

HEALTH
OK, this is embarrassing… I recently got lip NEWS
fillers from someone I probably shouldn’t Time to quit?
have. Unfortunately, it’s gone a bit wrong Stoptober is back with
a new campaign to get
and one side of my mouth looks bigger than people to kick smoking.

the other. The person who did the fillers said Evidence shows that if
you stop smoking for
there’s nothing they can do. Is that true?! 28 days then you’re five
times more likely to stub
Nathan, Newcastle it out for good. Doing it
Sadly, you’re not the only person hyaluronidase) into the area to with support, such as a
in this position, and it’s been dissolve the filler and get rid of it. stop-smoking service, or
a serious concern for many The filler may dissolve completely, by switching to a nicotine
cosmetic doctors – especially and you’d have to wait for a replacement can further
during the pandemic. period of time before any further increase your chances of
Getting any kind of work done treatment is possible. giving up. Go to nhs.uk/
by someone who may not be Your issue could also be the oneyou for information
appropriately qualified is never a result of a reaction you’ve had to and tips, or search nhs.
good idea. Even though ‘injectables’ the filler, which usually settles uk for ‘Stoptober’.
may seem quick and easy, they down but may need medication
can come with side effects and to help (for example, steroids). Or Safer sex in the
complications if not done properly. the uneven look could be because pandemic
Worse still, they could be dangerous you have an infection, which will Getting your leg over
and result in long-term (and likely need antibiotics. in lockdown has been
possibly permanent) damage. a challenge. Hooking
OK, enough of the lecturing, let’s “‘Injectables’ can come up in a pandemic is
sort this filler issue out. risky business, which
Filler is an injectable substance
with complications if not means that people have
usually made of hyaluronic acid done properly” become more creative in
that has been modified to form a their carnal escapades.
gel. Injecting it into an area will It doesn’t sound like you have a The bottom (ahem) line
‘fill’ any space, or change the shape major complication, but it would is, if you are going to
of something — in your case, the be a good idea to see a doctor ASAP have sex outside of your
shape or size of your lips. Most to get a proper assessment. You bubble (I mean, this stuff
fillers are non-permanent, so any may have been lucky this time. writes itself!), then do
areas treated will usually go back Many people don’t realise how it as safely as possible.
to normal in time. However, the damaging misused fillers can be — That is, ensure that you
person injecting it needs to insert for instance, if it’s injected into an are both well, cleaning
the correct amount in the right artery, it can cause the tissues to die your hands, wearing a
place, otherwise it could look odd. and lead to permanent scarring. mask, not kissing, and
The imbalance you have could In future, always make sure keeping your faces as far
be because you’ve got more filler that the person treating you is away from each other
in one place than another, so it fully qualified and insured against as possible (*cough*
looks uneven. Fortunately, there any problems – ask for evidence doggy style) — as well
is a way to remedy this. A properly of these. There is information on as following the usual
qualified practitioner will be able finding safe cosmetic practitioners safer-sex precautions.
to inject a special enzyme (called on nhs.uk or saveface.co.uk.

IF YOU’D LIKE TO SUBMIT A PROBLEM FOR DR RANJ TO ANSWER, TWEET @DRRANJ OR EMAIL [email protected]

NOVEMBER 2020 111

LONG THE

KI G
Drag king Chiyo Gomes as he opens
up about his journey to becoming the first trans finalist
in the queerstory of the Mr Gay England contest
Words Thomas Stichbury Photography Francisco Gomez de Villaboa

L
ike most people, I discovered drag have ever wanted to make for myself was top For two months, I did almost six shows
through RuPaul’s Drag Race. I became surgery. In early January 2019, I launched a every week, hopping from place to place
completely infatuated by this idea GoFundMe to help cover the costs of going in with a bucket and my GoFundMe link. Every
of blurring gender lines and performing for a private surgery. Within two months, I had night my chest was full of blisters, blood, and
different illusions. At first, I thought it was £8,000. This is what I mean when I say I feel open skin wounds from all the aggressive
the show itself that I loved, but I quickly held by the community. I would not have been taping, but I had to raise this money. It meant
learnt that it was the art form. able to live as my authentic self if it wasn’t everything to me. I genuinely do not believe I
The show actually became quite painful for the generosity of others. Trans healthcare would have survived much longer pre-surgery.
once I began noticing how they discriminate in this country is an absolute traumatic The only thing that kept me going was the
against different bodies and expressions. nightmare, and my heart immediately breaks knowledge that one day it would come. I often
Unfortunately, this is an attitude that extends every time I hear of a sibling going through think about all the trans folk out there still
to the wider drag community, too, but it’s not the NHS. waiting… I am so sorry. Please do not give up.
something that impacts how I feel when I am I am so proud of myself [for becoming
up there on stage. “I have always been the first trans man to be a finalist for Mr Gay
For me, I just feel held and appreciated. The England] and I’m definitely embracing all
people who come to my shows know exactly
trans and I have always the joy that comes with this moment – but I
what they’re coming to. They’re not coming to been a man” cannot deny the absolute shock and horror
see a drag queen do Britney again, or recycle that co-exist with that joy.
jokes from Drag Race. They’re coming to see I once heard Juno Dawson say that there are
underground local punk drag that says “fuck as many ways to be trans as there are trans
you” to the status quo. people. Transness manages to simultaneously
We live in a world that thrives on gate- be intensely individualist yet radically broad.
keeping others and limiting their potential Saying that, to be the first trans person
based on mundane things that have no to do anything, in 2020, feels somewhat
correlation with talent. We see this in the uncomfortable. Trans men exist. Trans gay
cis-heteronormative world with patriarchy men exist. Why has it taken so long for one to
and systematic oppression: cis women being be platformed in this way? This time is about
paid less than men, feeling unsafe around cis practising finding comfort in being both
men, and all the issues highlighted by true exceptionally content and incredibly angry.
intersectional feminism. I was randomly tagged on Twitter, in one
The problem the LGBTQIA+ community has of the initial application posts from Mr Gay
is that cis people often think that because England, by iconic London queer venue,
they are gay and/or lesbian, they are immune The Glory. At the time, I still hadn’t had my
from upholding these toxic systems we are all chest reconstruction surgery and, even now,
trying to escape. These attitudes extend to the I have no interest in taking hormones. There
drag community, hence why drag kings are is much to be said about the palatability of
paid less, booked less, and appreciated less. tolerated transness, and I guess seeing this
You can call it the gaytriarchy. Succeeding as beautiful team [The Glory] think I was worthy
a brown trans drag thing in a drag queen’s to be the next Mr Gay England really warmed
world is radical without intention. me. So, I thought, fuck it, why not?!
I have always been trans and I have always [However], I really underestimated how
been a man – but the only physical change I much I would care for what winning this >

112 NOVEMBER 2020

 Real bodies ACTIVE

NOVEMBER 2020 113

114 NOVEMBER 2020
 Real bodies ACTIVE

competition would mean. My greatest fear Honestly, the “beach wear” category is the destroy the trans existence. If they are not
now is that I will not be strong enough to [only] one I am anxious about. As proud as I out waiting to physically attack you, they will
persevere through the toxicities that can brew am of my form, and as much as I am basking abuse you until they have manipulated you
within the cis gay male community. in gender euphoria at the moment, gay male enough to destroy yourself.
If we quote verbatim the backlash that I beauty standards are traumatic. I have seen the world be a very cruel place
have received for being a finalist, the people I have battled with eating disorders since I to visible gender non-conforming people.
who take issue with me being visible in this was about 13, and it is very hard not to tunnel- Trans people don’t even have to talk to each
space will tell you exactly how I am shaking vision on the backlash I am getting from this other about specific violent experiences we
things up. I am a trans man. I am also mixed- visibility. I’ve become quite desensitised to have faced; we just know. Cyber-bullying,
black African. I am not on hormones and I comments on my gender – debates on our sexual violence, rape, ambushes, physical
have no intention of getting any procedures brawls, losing a trans sister… we know it all.
done that may impact my WAP (wet ass pussy). “I am not actively trying We cry. We scream. We protest. We fight. The
I am extremely femme and I don’t play into only thing we can do is keep going – and in
this ‘masc for masc’ bullshit. I have a period
to be a controversial man. the process, try to achieve some remarkable
once a month and I have no qualms openly I am just existing” things so the next generation can know that
talking about how my pussy bleeds and how they, too, deserve better.
difficult that makes navigating spaces as a identity is something trans folks have to just I am so tired of trans folk having to settle
gay man – I am not actively trying to be a learn to adapt to – but I did not anticipate for diversity tokens. Trans young people need
controversial man. I am just existing, and so many TERFs [Trans-Exclusionary Radical to know that they deserve crowns, medals and
through said existence I notice that only cis Feminists] to retaliate to my announcement awards. They/we deserve to be loved, cherished
people have won this competition every year. I by graphically ripping apart what I look like. and appreciated. To be a finalist is cool, but if
think the fact that I am here to challenge that People have been posting very old, pre-surgery, you were to crown a trans person… just think
is punk as fuck! semi-nude pictures of me, just to troll my about what kind of message that sends out.
I’m really looking forward to the “regional dysphoria. I cannot hide the fact that I am a
costume” runway. I am a very proud hairless small boy pumped with oestrogen. The Mr Gay England final is due to take place
immigrant from Tottenham, London. We have Every time I achieve greatness there is a in April 2021
produced icons like Adele and Skepta – I am herd of TERFs waiting to try and kill me. I @prinxchiyo
so excited to represent. say kill me because TERFs genuinely want to @mrgayengland

NOVEMBER 2020 115

See.
Love.
Bid.

Monday 26 October
Urban & Contemporary Art
From the Curious to the
Extraordinary

Tuesday 27 October
Wine & Spirits
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Wednesday 28 October
Decorative Art & Design
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Thursday 29 October
Modern & Contemporary Middle
Eastern & North African Art
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Friday 30 October
Silver & Objects of Vertu

Visit chiswickauctions.co.uk
Mel C
p118

PEOPLE, PLACES, PERSPECTIVES

118 Life Lessons 120 Books & Music 121 Films

NOVEMBER 2020 117

MY EARLIEST CHILDHOOD life lessons The weirdest gift I’ve received
MEMORY IS THIS from a fan was an art project,
RECURRING NIGHTMARE you know when you make
THAT THERE WERE a doll from felt? She’d
CREEPY CAROL made a conjoined twin
SINGERS AT MY
BEDROOM DOOR…
I MUST HAVE ONLY
MEL C and decided to send it to
me, which I thought was
slightly strange…
BEEN TWO BECAUSE I
WAS IN MY MUM AND I’M ACTUALLY REALLY
DAD’S HOUSE AND THEY Spice Girl and solo artist BAD AT SPORT! MY HAND/
DIVORCED WHEN I WAS EYE CO-ORDINATION
TWO AND A HALF. ISN’T GREAT — I’M SHIT
AT TENNIS, I’M TERRIBLE AT
Words Thomas Stichbury
I recently went up north GOLF, I WAS ALWAYS RUBBISH
to see my mum. Just going AT FOOTBALL… I’M NOT VERY
back to my roots, seeing GOOD AT BEING A TEAM PLAYER,
my family, my school High-kicking her way to the top UNLESS I’M WITH THE SPICE
friends, reconnecting with of the charts as Sporty Spice, one GIRLS, OF COURSE.
that, where you started fifth of Britain’s biggest-selling
out… Sometimes you can girl band, Mel C hasn’t stopped The most difficult thing I have
forget the essence of you, spicing up our lives since. Last overcome in my life is the
but actually it never goes year, she reunited with the Spice aftermath of my time with the Spice
anywhere; it’s always there. Girls (minus VB) for a sold-out Girls in the 1990s. It was incredible,
UK tour, before hitting the road such an exciting ride, but I did end
Never do anything you’re with Sink the Pink for a string up with lots of issues… For many
uncomfortable doing. Having of special Pride shows. Back years I was very regretful for having
ambition, sometimes you feel like with a self-titled new album, those issues, but now I feel grateful,
you may have to compromise to Mel, 46, reflects on why she has because those experiences make
get to the place you want to be. been so embraced by the LGBTQ us the people we become… I got
You have to trust your instincts. community. “I never saw myself through it and here I am.
as the gay icon… you know, Geri’s
The most embarrassing thing that so flamboyant and she’s a bit of a My biggest phobia is depression.
has happened to me on stage was drag queen herself,” she laughs. I have suffered with it and learnt
in 1998 and I was with the girls. “It’s such a privilege to be in that how to take care of myself and the
We were in Miami and my trousers position and I’m a very vocal ally.” things to do to avoid going back to
split from the crotch all the way that place again. When I was first
up the back – I exited as quickly Mel’s new album, Mel C, is out now diagnosed, I was in such a dark
as I could! place and it was petrifying.

118 NOVEMBER 2020

 social

If those low feelings or clouds

start to appear, I make sure
I try to get enough sleep, eat
well, and I’ll cut out alcohol
completely, because that can
give me anxiety. It’s about
really taking care of yourself
and just being very disciplined
with your internal dialogue, to
not allow that negative voice
in your head to get too loud.

If I could give my younger self a

piece of advice, it would be: “You
are enough”. At the time when I
was really struggling, there was a
better life for me. That was not the
life I should be living.

I’m a very emotional person. I just

thought about somebody today and
it made me get a little teary. It’s life,
isn’t it? My daughter takes the piss
out of me because I cry all the time.

MY MOST ANNOYING HABIT IS

THAT I CRACK LOTS OF JOINTS. I’VE
DONE IT SINCE I WAS A KID AND I’M
GONNA HAVE TERRIBLE ARTHRITIS.

I don’t like confrontation. I’ve never

been able to speak up for myself
because the thought of it just
overwhelms me.

When was the last time I spiced

up my life? Well, I do like some
chipotle chilli flakes on my
smashed avocado!

NOVEMBER 2020 119

social Books & music

Books
Words Uli Lenart
Music
Words James Barr

PRODIGY:
Seeva began
writing his own
BOOK songs at 13

OF THE
MONTH

Rewriting
the score
The trailblazing queer
singer and LGBTQ
spokesperson reflects
on her life in music

IT TAKES BLOOD AND GUTS

Skin/Simon & Schuster ONE TO
WATCH
An uncompromising autobiography from the trailblazing black queer lead singer of ‘90s rock
band Skunk Anansie. Born to Jamaican parents, Skin grew up in Brixton in the ‘70s, and the story
Seeva
of her childhood is atmospherically told, from the Brixton riots to the club her grandfather If we are being honest, I think we’re
ran from their basement. After university, she dedicated herself to her true passion: music. all struggling to hold it together this
Skin’s ambitions reached beyond session singing and, defying expectations, she dived into year — 2020 is a bad babysitter with her
hardcore rock. Her career took off with Skunk Anansie. Since then, the artist and campaigner boyfriend in the shower.
has headlined Glastonbury, toured the world supporting Lenny Kravitz, U2, David Bowie and The But there is so much strength in our
Sex Pistols, and hung out with the legendary Nina Simone. It Takes Blood and Guts is a celebration community, our journey is a shared
of the anarchic, liberating, majesty of music and a testament to the riches that life has to offer experience full of familiar stories that
when you’re true to yourself. Co-written with Lucy O’Brien – who has also penned biographies bring us together. It’s why I want to
for Madonna, Dusty Springfield and Annie Lennox – this book quite simply rocks! Out now introduce you to one of London’s hottest
— and most honest — queer talents.
British-Asian singer Seeva just released
ALSO his debut album, We Need to Talk, a record
THIS about relationships, heartbreak and self-
MONTH discovery, showcasing his incredible vocal
range and sharing an all-too-real story for
HOW IT ALL BLEW IN THEIR SHOES our queer black youth.
UP Jamie Windust/Jessica Standout song Princess opens up a
Arvin Ahmadi/Hot Key Kingsley Press conversation about the fetishization of
Books Navigate non-binary femme black and Asian people within
When his fellow students life with this articulate, the LGBTQ community. “As a south
discover that 18-year- funny memoir/guide Asian man, the word ‘princess’ has been
old Iranian-American from model, writer and directed at me throughout my life in
Amir Azadi is gay, editor-in-chief of Fruitcake a negative way, as though being more
they blackmail him, magazine, Jamie Windust. effeminate is ‘less than’,” Seeva explains.
threatening to tell his The perfect antidote to He describes Clouds as a track
Muslim family. Amir can’t find the cash and, trans misrepresentation in certain sections about gay culture, depression and Kylie
panic setting in, he runs away and ends up in of the media, In Their Shoes shines a light on Minogue — a mood — while Would You
Rome. Back home, Amir’s nearest and dearest non-binary life. Jamie writes about fashion, Lie to Me is the amazing dance-cry,
are in a spin, leaving his youngster sister, relationships, family, mental health, their Robyn-esque anthem you never knew
Soraya, no choice but to turn detective to find career and key debates. From trying on clothes you needed.
her bro. The whole escapade ingeniously comes in secret to first dates, polyamorous liaisons Full of ethereal synth-pop melodies and
to a head in an airport interrogation room. and pronouns, they use their struggles to create upbeat bops, Seeva reclaims his power on
Despite a few loose ends, this is a gripping, this care package for their community, full of the album.
poignant and sexy read. Out now insight, politics and humour. 21 Oct

120 NOVEMBER 2020

 Films social

Words: FILM
Guy Lodge OF THE
MONTH

4/5
KAJILLIONAIRE
Gina Rodriguez, Evan Rachel Wood,
Debra Winger, Richard Jenkins
Artist-turned-filmmaker Miranda July
delighted us with Me and You and
Everyone We Know in 2005, confused

The first cut is the deepest

us with The Future in 2011, and now she’s
back after a decade away. This heist film
centres on an offbeat family of crooks
who get more than they bargained for Travel back to the ‘80s for this gay coming-of-age drama
when they welcome a stranger (Jane the
Virgin star Rodriguez) into their circle.
with a twist, starring Félix Lefebvre and Benjamin Voisin
Don’t learn any more than that going in: 5/5
just move with its seductive, bittersweet SUMMER OF 85
comic rhythm. 9 October Félix Lefebvre, Benjamin Voisin, Philippine Velge, Valeria Bruni Tedeschi

ALSO It’s high summer in the mid-’80s, and young gay romance is blossoming to a backdrop of
THIS balmy coastal breezes and new-wave pop. But lest you think the latest film from veteran
MONTH queer filmmaker François Ozon is a simple rehash of Call Me By Your Name, it’s got a few
3/5 surprises in store, as it swerves into dark territory with a lovely light touch. Living a shy,
SHIRLEY quiet life in a Normandy seaside resort, 16-year-old Alex (the wonderful Lefebvre) hasn’t felt
Elisabeth Moss, Odessa Young, anything like he feels when, on a failed sailing trip, he’s rescued by confident, seductive rebel
Michael Stuhlbarg, Logan Lerman David (Voisin). The two fall fast and hard, making long-term promises that Alex finds he has
If you’re a fan of American writer to keep even when the relationship takes an unexpected turn. Adapting (and Frenchifying)
Shirley Jackson’s midcentury gothic the classic YA novel, Dance on My Grave, by British author Aidan Chambers, Ozon depicts the
stories — if you’re not, check them heady rush of first love and first heartbreak with equal grace and humour: the film looks to
out — you might be taken aback by be a new staple of the gay coming-of-age genre. 23 October
this highly speculative biopic, in
which Jackson is reimagined as a
witchy, gothic figure, haunted by 4/5
the misogyny of her era. It doesn’t SAINT MAUD
entirely work, but Moss’s gutsy, Morfydd Clark, Jennifer Ehle, Lily Frazer
unhinged performance is worth
seeing. 30 October We’ve waited over a year for this smashing debut from British writer-director Rose Glass to be
released after it rattled everyone’s bones on last autumn’s festival circuit, and it’s worth it: a
4/5 daring, religious art-horror that gets under your skin and settles in to stay. You may have seen
MOGUL MOWGLI Morfydd Clark in everything from His Dark Materials to The Personal History of David Copperfield,
Riz Ahmed, Alyy Khan, Sudha but this is the performance you’ll
Bhuchar, Nabhaan Rizwan remember her for: as Maud, a young,
Riz Ahmed further stakes his obsessively religious carer who
claim as the best British actor of arrives to look after terminally ill
his generation with this gripping bohemian actress Amanda (Ehle,
culture-clash story, written by fabulous), and becomes hell-bent (or
Ahmed himself, which draws on his perhaps heaven-bent) on saving her
considerable rapping skills. As an up- soul. The dogma of Christianity has
and-coming British-Pakistani emcee rarely been put to such frightening
whose career is dealt a hammer blow use on film, and Clark and Ehle —
by illness, forcing a return to his with a queer quiver of electricity
conservative Muslim family, you can’t running between them — play it
take your eyes off him. 30 October gloriously. 9 October

NOVEMBER 2020 121

AJ Harris is wearing Lacoste
p124

“GET PATRICK ON THE PHONE”

124 Crush 126 Wardrobe 127 Watches

128 Fashionlista 130 The New Classic 144 Portfolio

NOVEMBER 2020 123

 c.r.u.s.h Words and fashion Joseph Kocharian
Photography Joseph Sinclair

BOXING CLEVER
It’s what’s underneath that counts, right? Showcase
your bottom line with Lacoste’s Iconic boxer brief. Its
design has all the preppy freshness that is the brand’s
signature. The clean, tricolour stripe in the three-tone
elastic waistband gives a nod to the fashion house’s
French roots, while the crocodile logo is the hallmark of
quality. Not only does the Iconic look great, but it feels
good to wear, too — the cut supports you in all the right
places, while the soft cotton offers breathability as well
as freedom of movement. Available in a pack of three,
including red, navy and flecked grey, this brief has got
you covered.

Pack of 3 Iconic boxer

briefs with three-
tone waistband, £36,
lacoste.com

124 NOVEMBER 2020

 STYLE

Model AJ Harris at Supa

Model Management
Grooming Rom Sartipi at
Gary Represents using
Oribe and Murad
Fashion Assistant
Sacha Dance

NOVEMBER 2020 125

 1 2

w. a . r. d . r. o . b . e
IT’S A WRAP
Taylor Swift called and she wants her
cardi back… But seriously, cardigans are
back in style this winter. As a layering
essential or a quick t-shirt upgrade,
few staples work as hard as this…
Edit & words Sacha Dance

1 // Oversized bag, £2,190, by Givenchy

2 // Corduroy trousers, £80, by Tommy Hilfiger
3 // Cardigan, £400, by Iroquois at Browns
4 // Waterproof boots, £125, by Palladium x Finisterre
5 // Black turtleneck, £39.50, by Marks & Spencer

126 NOVEMBER 2020

 STYLE

. . . .
W A T C H
Words Sacha Dance

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Ticking all the right boxes, the latest
addition to Briston’s watch range,
the Streamliner Skeleton, is inspired
by the Streamline Moderne Art Deco
style of the 1930s. Available in a
42x42mm stainless steel case
with a vintage matt black
leather strap, it requires no
batteries — instead it’s
powered by your every
move. Price: £550

wolfandbadger.com

NOVEMBER 2020 127

STYLE

Fa s h i o n l i s t a
Step up your look by swapping those everyday
trainers for a sleek loafer. From bold to
nderstated options, you’re a shoe-in to
either stand out or blend in
Edit & words Sacha Dance

2
6

1 Camel suede loafer, £770, by Berluti at Matches Fashion

2 Green suede loafer, £650, by John Lobb at Matches Fashion
3 Classic white loafer, £525, by Saint Laurent at Browns
4 Pink suede loafer, £59, by Kurt Geiger at Selfridges
5 Deep red patent loafer, £54.99, by Topman
6 Woven navy suede loafer, £18, by Primark

128 NOVEMBER 2020

 The
New
Classic
Matty Ball, principal of
the Royal Ballet, leaps into
Autumn/Winter 2020

Photographer Kosmas Pavlos

Fashion Joseph Kocharian

Matty wears
bodysuit, by
Carlota Barrera

130 NOVEMBER 2020

Matty wears sleeveless
denim jacket and jeans,
both by Dsquared2
Matty wears top and
trousers, both by Prada
Matty wears dance
tights, model’s own,
gloves, by Dior

NOVEMBER 2020 133

 Matty wears
knitwear, by
Berluti

134 NOVEMBER 2020

Matty wears leather jacket
and leather trousers, both
by Alexander McQueen
Matty wears suit,
by Moschino
 Matty wears
coat, by Dior

NOVEMBER 2020 137

 Matty wears jacket
and trousers, both
by Paul Smith

138 NOVEMBER 2020

Matty wears jacket
and jeans, both by
Louis Vuitton
Matty wears bodysuit
and trousers, both by
Carlota Barrera
Matty wears coat, by
Berluti, trousers, by
Emporio Armani

NOVEMBER 2020 141

 Matty wears coat,
by Michael Kors

142 NOVEMBER 2020

 K Karl Lagerfeld karl.com
Kurt Geiger at Selfridges selfridges.com

L Lacoste lacoste.com
Louis Vuitton louisvuitton.com

M Marks and Spencer marksandspencer.com

Michael Kors michaelkors.co.uk
Moschino moschino.com

P Palladium x Finisterre palladiumboots.co.uk

Paul Smith paulsmith.com
Philipp Plein philipp-plein.com
Prada prada.com

S Saint Laurent at Browns brownsfashion.com

Scott Ramsay Kyle scottramsaykyle.me
Stefan Cooke at Matches Fashion
matchesfashion.com

T Tommy Hilfiger uk.tommy.com

V Versace versace.com

Y YS ARMY yves-salomon.com

STOC K I STS
A Alexander McQueen alexandermcqueen.com
Alfred Dunhill dunhill.com
AllSaints allsaints.com

B Berluti at Matches Fashion matchesfashion.com

Berluti berluti.com
Briston briston-watches.com

C Calvin Klein Underwear calvinklein.co.uk

Carlota Barrera carlotabarrera.com
COS cosstores.com

D Dior dior.com
DL 1961 dl1961.com
Domenico Vacca domenicovacca.com
Dsquared2 dsquared2.com

E Emporio Armani armani.com

G Givenchy givenchy.com
Golden Goose goldengoose.com

I Iceberg iceberg.com
Iroquois at Browns brownsfashion.com

J John Lobb at Matches Fashion

matchesfashion.com
John Varvatos johnvarvatos.com

Model: Matty Ball at

Supa Model Management
Grooming: Rom Sartipi at
Gary Represents using Oribe
haircare and Murad
Matty wears trousers, Post Production: Dienachbarin
by Alfred Dunhill Fashion Assistant: Sacha Dance
 Power
Couple
We meet Stefan Cooke
and Jake Burt, the
brains behind menswear
label, Stefan Cooke

Couple Stefan Cooke (right) and Jake Burt,

founders of the semi-eponymously named
brand Stefan Cooke, are part of Matches
Fashion’s Innovators programme. The
project champions young design talent,
providing mentorship, preferential business
terms and marketing to help them navigate
the rocky road of running a business —
valuable lessons they weren’t taught in
fashion school. We spoke to the two talents
to find out more about their label and what
it’s like to work with your loved one.

How did you guys meet?

We were both studying at different
universities in London, and met at a mutual
friend’s birthday, almost nine years ago now.
Is it hard working together when you’re also It was amazing having the security
in a relationship? of knowing there was a huge retailer
Not really, as we have been together and supporting your business throughout all
interested in the same things for so long a lot of cut-out pieces, and your Autumn/ stages of the process, from advertising to
that we have a language between us when Winter 2020 line even had some touches of mentor support. It has been really positive,
discussing our work and business. We are sensuality. Will we be seeing more of that especially at this time, to know that people
both quite laidback people that care about for Spring/Summer 2021? are championing us.
making the brand a success, so we are both Definitely. Our cut-out and slashed pieces A lot of new designers find it hard to set
working towards the same goals. are becoming a signature for the brand and themselves up after graduating. How did
Your Spring/Summer 2020 collection had we will be continuing to explore this for SS21. you find it?
How does being LGBTQ+ influence your It was tough. I don’t think you are
designs and creativity? necessarily taught a lot during education
As two gay men, it has definitely influenced about the business side of fashion as well
the way we create, as well as looking as maintaining each facet of your company
specifically at LGBTQ+ artists and so it runs smoothly. It’s been a steep
photographers when designing our pieces learning curve, but we have also been
and collaborating with LGBTQ+ people in grateful we are able to do it. There is a
our past collections. challenge every day but it is exciting to see
Who is your dream person to dress? the brand grow.
Cindy Sherman.
What is your favourite piece from matchesfashion.com
your current collection?
I think the grey herringbone boat-
neck coat from AW20 Look 1 is our
favourite. We were surprised by
how easy it was to wear and style,
even though the concept was very
feminine and quite challenging.
How did the mentor programme
help during the lockdown?

144 NOVEMBER 2020

 STYLE

PORTFOLIO
Words Joseph Kocharian

25 YEARS AND COUNTING

For the 25th anniversary of Dsquared2, Dean and
Dan Caten have created a brand-new capsule
collection. The Canadian design house, which is
known for celebrating diversity and equality and
spreading positivity through fashion, was born in
1995. By way of tribute, the anniversary line, D25,
has decidedly ‘90s roots. From sweatshirts, joggers
and t-shirts to beachwear and underwear, the
range has a retro-sports influence. The palette is
red and black, with pops of neon and fun prints,
while circular ‘D25’ logos and ‘95:20’ are splashed
across the range as a nod to the year of the
brand’s inception and the present day. Out now.

Dsquared2.com

NOVEMBER 2020 145

…TV character?
Geordie Racer. He
never once gave up on
his pigeons

…DATE SPOT?
Watching the sun set
over Tilbury Docks,
with the smell of the
Thames, a couple
of bottles of Hooch
and a packet of
20p Rolos from the
subsidised vending
machine

…POSSESSION?
…WORD? Probably the

Quiche
VHS copy of
Platoon that I was
watching with
Hearing a woman from George Michael
Essex say the word when he came
“quiche” for the first time out to me
is how I imagine Neil
Armstrong felt when he
walked on the moon Favourite T hings

Diane Chorley
Words Thomas Stichbury …hangover
cure?
After serving some time at Her Majesty’s pleasure An episode
for a crime she’d rather not get into right now, Diane of Poldark,
Chorley is ready to reclaim her throne as the queen of
a Ginsters
light entertainment. The self-titled Duchess of Canvey
breakfast pasty
returns with new podcast, Chatting with Chorley,
featuring Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Russell T Davies, and
and a pint of
an album, Diane Chorley’s Greatest Hits (out now). Over ice-cold Yop!
…song? the years, the cabaret star and former nightclub owner
Sad Music by Jessica has rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous, but a
Winter. She’s a gorgeous fishy encounter with Jane McDonald really stands out. “I
shared a dressing room with her once,” Diane recalls. “She
talent, and I’ve been left a prawn in the communal hummus!” Here are a few of
dancing around Canvey Diane’s favourite things…
with this song blasting
out of my Bluetooth Chatting with Chorley: The Podcast is available on Apple and
Boombox Spotify. Diane Chorley’s Greatest Hits is out now. She also
plays The Clapham Grand on 13 & 14 October

146 NOVEMBER 2020

 SLINGSBY

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