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MAD Calculated Tales To Drive You MAD 021

MAD Calculated tales to drive you MAD 021

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Ronald David Fisher
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245 views31 pages

MAD Calculated Tales To Drive You MAD 021

MAD Calculated tales to drive you MAD 021

Uploaded by

Ronald David Fisher
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as PDF or read online on Scribd
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mows. 1 Yaa So" TALES CALCULATED TQ, DRIVE, YOU. : : 21 MAI ‘AIR PISTOL © | AEOLIPILE MALOU SMITHSON JOHN & CO., ‘We'd like to start the column off with an an- nouncement we are pleased to make. A collec- tion of the best stories from MAD has been printed and bound in a Pocket-Book edition by the Ballantine Book publishers. Copies are available for 35c at your magazine-stands and book-shops. -ed. [Dear Editor: T enjoyed reading issue #17 of MAD, but it gave me a ter ble headache because some dope put the cover on upside-down and I had to stand on my head to read the book. I didn't want ‘anybody to think I was reading the book with the cover uptide- w--What are the addresses of the beeutful candidates for Miss Pocgold of 1955? I like the one with the pony-tail.— ‘Tommy AnvillBrookline, Mass ~My vote (gasp) my vote is (ugh) Miss Bontney Flent.— Rich—(No Address Enclosed you will find my Balloc for the Miss Posgold 35 contest with one slightly aged bung; also, one genuine shark's teah from Flsda: and on sample of radioactive pchblende from Canada. The shark's cooth is guaranceed to prevent paint: fats from fling on your head when you pas under a ladder, ‘With one of these in your pocket, the painter will fall on your ead. Barry Roth—Mt. Kisco, N.Y. P)—San Antonio, Tex. We think that this is a very uncouth accusation and from now on, we of APMUWP (Association for Prevention and Misinterpretation and Use of the Word Potrezebie.) will have nothing to do whatsoever with thei silly word.—James Cromwell, (pres. APMUWP)—Rush, Tex. eI (Society for the Furtherment of the Word Potrzebie) demand an apology.—Philip Winterson (pres. SEWP)—Winchester, Mass ~-L was amazed at the blast you took at Joe McCarthy and Roy Cohn. in MAD #17. Ic seems like you guys should leave your hands off politics in your mags. Communism is no joke... and neither are the men who fight it. You can’e stay in business tweting stuff like that.—Nelson Lyon—Parsippany, N. J. -s-MAD_ analysed: Prychologically—A release of socially induced inhibitions through hypetbolie portrayal of the conven- tional aspects in the inhibieory agents; Egoisically~A mechan- ism for personal (editors) and general (readers) exultation by ludirous grasping of the universal components which comprise existence; Historically — An inevitable reaction to the current ‘evolution of human understanding where traditions, prejudices, systems, cultures and technology have been extended to unpreci- dented planes of specific intricacy but total incongruity; Medi- cinally—An ingenious consideration of the world’s prognosis and suparb panacea for the condition; Mevephysically-A bold and ‘expansive efforc at comprehending in the most posible omni- science and frequently sub specie aeternitatis; Peeuniously—A diabolically clever method of obtaining a speedy shekel (fast buck).—Ernest Sherman— (Negative Residential Indication] ~» Wallahi! What a magazine! The stories within these covers would have pleased the Commander of the Faithful himself. Has it not been truly written... There is no MAD but MAD, and Melvin is its Prophet. Salaam, Sidi Effendi, and by the Ninety and Nine Names of Pocrzebie, give us more.—Sheik el John el Gaboury—(No Address) co 1 think your mag is swell for squashing spiders.—B. L. D. =Biythe, Cal. <1 thought youd be incre in knowing chat your comic is more popular than igisher, ehougha, and many more.~Peggy Dart—San Diego, Cal. ~..What kind of idiot is s0 touchy that he will mistake the Mona Lisa for the Madonna or shout “Prejudice!” when you satirize an alceady satirized Chineses (Mad Mumblings, Issue #17)? MAD is by far the most intelligent and macure comic con the marke, besides the generally wittest. From the start, you have cleverly pointed out the stupidities, the idioces, the «aces of life today. You are the only comic that has dared to be subtle...t0 assume intelligence on the part of the reader. Your wide adult circulation has proven a point: that ic is possible to be funny while you advance « worthwhile message. I think I speak for most readers when I say, keep it up. You haven't been stepping on any toes that don’t need it.—Ted Nelson—New York, N.Y. shang ad Play oF comighoak, spd pow of them are teal childish. At least you have hit on’a book thar grown-ups can get a laugh out of. My buddies and I gee a real jolt from your humor.—Pfc. Frank Blahnik Yangu, Korea. «Please be advised that your book MAD has Been relegated to the incinerator since its fist appearance in our home. Its ugly, sery caricatures of the human face and form and suggestive theme are obnoxious, What « way to eam ivng!—Mrs. M.E. le Help us earn our miserable living. Send money for subsctip- tions. $1.00 for eight issues mailed in bullet-proof manila en- velopes. Address all mail to: MAD editors Room 706 Dept. 21 225 Lafayette Street New York 12, New York eturmed ‘unlere ME iB, Piney, Pag, pe ra, ah Inte sr ESN, RP Mar Pautor, Harvey “Kurtzman, Eaitor, Marie. Color Editor. Entered a5 seoond- ‘matter St the Post O Ge at New York, N.Y. Sub- Se EE ie eS eee ty Seger be ae ia 3 |NEWSPAPER CARTOON DEPT. : ONE TI NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS ...NO. Se YARN 1 YAM ‘SURPRISE! HING THAT GETS US ABOUT THI (E CARTOON WORLD 1S...YOU HAVE THESE STRONG MATTER HOW GAD THINGS ARE... NOMATTER WHAT... WHO... HOW...WHO...WHO... (ESE GUYS WIND UP BEING THE STRONGCST!... LIKE FORINSTANCE...TAKE THIS GUY... OIL, HONEY... THAT'S NO REASON TO GET MAD AT YAMA SQUINTY- EYED SAILOR! a ‘SY EDNA FABRIC| ¥...1 YAM_IN LUCK! D J WAVE IN THE BOTTOM F MY POCKET, SOME OLD STEWED SPINACH! | YOU'RE A SQUINTY-EYED SAILOR, ALL " EXperoven ey - REGULAR EYED JinyBuURGERS, {| im WHEW! THAT / Capel... LUCKY I HAPPENED TO HAVE THAT STEWED Q. SPINACH! HARK!... THINK I YAM, q 1)... NOW, POOPEYE, DON'T GET EXCITE?! HEARING SWEE' BACK CRYING: 1_/BRBIES CRY FOR SIMPLE REASONS...LIKE IN THE BACKGROUND ! WHEN THEY'RE TEETHING... THE TEETH \ PUSHING THROUGH IRRITATE THEM... 5 POOR 'ITTLE SWEE'BACK IS ‘(00 CRYING CAUSE GUMS HURT... ‘CAUSE TOOTH IS COMING OUTF —<. DAT'S WIGHT, AUNT MAZOLALT YAM CRYING XCAUSE TOOTH YAM COMING OUT!... WAY, WAY OUT... WAY WAY WAY OUT... INTO BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN FAIR PLAY, TM GOING TO SOCK HER. BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN JUSTICE, I’M GOING TO SOCK HER’... BUT MAINLY BECAUSE SHE'S AN OLD LADY AND CAN'T HIT BACK...IM GOING TO SOCK HER! & HERE, POOPEYE!.. Sy A BOWL OF MARINATED PICKLED SPINACH SPRINKLED WITH THATILL TEACH Vir THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN'T STAND, IT'S TO SEE "ANYONE PUSH SOMEONE WEAKER THAN THEM- SELVES AROUND! ‘I SUPPOSE YOU COME TO GET WHO HIT ME, YOUR MAMMY, EH SON ws WELL THERE'S THE ONE WHO HIT ME... THE ONE. WITH THE SAILOR HAT!...GO GIVE THAT POOPEYE A GOOD SHOT IN THE HEAD! MADAME, TAKE YOUR COTTON PICKIN’ HANDS OFFEN MY DIAPER! SWEE'BACK! 1S ‘00 CRYING ‘CAUSE MAYBE DIAPER PIN OPENED AND "aiaiaiat ‘00F +=LET AUNT MAZOLA EA LOOK! HEH HEH! LITTLE DOES HE KNOW THAT THE ONE WITH THE SAILOR HAT IS IN REALITY MAMMY(.. BY GEORGE... I'VE ALWAYS ISUSPECTED WE LOOKED ALIKE! UH-OH/... THINK I YAM AGAIN _HEARING| ‘SWEE' BACK CRYING IN THE BY GEORGE IT'S FANTASTIC HOW THE MINUTE THESE CHARAC- TERS GET INTO A COMIC BOOK, THEY START ACTING IN BAD TASTE! AND SO, ONCE MORE, BECAUSE L BELIEVE IN AN EYE FOR AN EYE...A | KISSER FOR A KISSER... ANO MAINLY “CAUSE OLD PEOPLE ARE EASIEST TO FIGHT... I ATTACK! AH YES... THE OLD MAN ON THE FAR- FAR RIGHT... "OLD MAN" BEING IN THE BRITISH VERNACULAR, SUCH AS "OLD BOY"..’OLD CHAP," ETC... NOT. NECECERRILY CONNOTING "OLD" IN THE DIRECY, SENSE... |NOT CRYING CAUSE DIAPER PIN IS STICK- ING ME! YAM CRYING CAUSE THAT OLD MAN ON THE RIGHT GAVE ME A BELT IN| THE KISSER... = YES...THE OLDMAN BY NAME OF MELVIN OF THE APES! =». THE JUNGLE- LORD... SENSING A CHALLENGE IN THE TWO-LEGGED NGANI, IMMEDIATELY ASSUMES THE DEFENSIVE STANCE... UTTERING THE LOW WARNING GROWL OF NGAMBO, THE BIG BULL-APE. AND NOW... THE APE-MAN STALKS HIS PREY, MUCH LIKE NGOWA THE LION OR NGALLA THE ELK OR MAYBE NGCOMBA THE KNIGHT OF PYTHIAS. THE NGANI SAILOR-MAN IS NO MATCH FOR THE STEEL SINEWED JUNGLE LORD WHO... WITH THE IN - STINCTS OF THE JUNGLE IN HIS BLOOD..STANDS PANTING OVER HIS PREY. FOR NOW THAT THE PREY HAS BEEN CAPTURED...IT IS TIME TO FEAST! LEAPS... HIS SINEWY ARMS CLOSING LIKE STEEL BANDS... MUSCLES TENSING, STRAINING, BULGING, TILL A LOUD "CRACK" IS HEARD... THE SQUINT- EYED NGANI, HOWEVER, SLYLY ATTEMPTS THE DIVERSIONARY RUSE OF OFFERING THE JUN- GLE LORD A BUNCH OF JAMBO UMBALLA WHICH DOES NOT FOOL THE APE-MAN WHO TAKES A FIRM HOLD ON THE NGANI WITH HIS TOES. FOR MELVIN OF THE APES HAS & SICKENING HABIT OF CRACK- ING HIS KNUCKLES ALL THE TIME! THEN WITH HIS KNUCKLES AUS- GECRACKED... BACK TO THE ATTACK. FOR NOW IT IS NGMELVIN THE BULL-APE GIVING THE BLOOD CURDLING CRY OF VICTORY BEFORE THE FEAST! EYES GLEAMING, FANGS BARED, THE APE-MAN CROU- CHES TO FEAST..AND'SO HE EATS HIS SWISS CHEESE ON WHITE BREAD SANDWICH THAT JANE HAS WRAPPED FOR HIM. SPINACH ! .. HERE, POOPEYE!...A PLATE OF SPINACH PIZZA-PIE WITH ¥ PARMESAN CHEEZE AND GROUND- GLASS GRIT! THAT'LL TEACH THAT MELVIN OF THE APES: THROWING COCONUT! NOT TO HIT SWEE'BACK TSK... TSK... TSK! FAW CWYIN’ OuT \ ... HOWEVER... TO GET BACK TO BY THAT WOWD, AUNT THE MAIN STORY LINE... REASON MISERABLE MAZOLA! Quit \I AM CRYING 1S... I HAVE BEEN NOW POOPEYE! LIKE 1 SAID BEFORE, BABIES CRY FOR ALL SIMPLE KINDS REASONS/... POOR NTTLE_ SWEE'BACK... IS (OO CRYING ‘CAUSE MAYBE ‘OO GOT BUBBLE INSIDE WHILE DRINKING FROM YOUR, MILK BOTTLE? mf LET AUNT MAZOLA BUBBLE ©O.. a a” oP ONCE MORE 1.60 TO FHT FOR LAW | BNE tote. oe Joshee. Bu MAINLY FOR ADDING SADISTIC ELEMENT THAT TS scr VAL PAE OR COME = BURGER +BY GEORGE! CKAFE) EXCUSE ACTUALLY ME CGASP) KNOCKED HIM WITH-) WHILE I GO OUT ANY EXTRA LOOK CHAK! SPINACH! HAK!) FOR CON- VENIENT PHONE KOSHER, HAMBURGER, \SHOPS. ¢f COMING OUT OF THE PHONE BOOTH! THE TRUTH, CLARK BENT... DIDN'T YOU GO INTO THAT CONVENIENT PHONE BOOTH TO CHANGE INTO YOUR TRUE IDENTITY OF SUPERDUPERMAN ? THERE HE GOES. INTO THAT PHONE. BOOTH THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE CONVENIENTLY LOCATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOOTBALL FIELD NEARBY / sx THE PHONE: BOOTH!..THAT NAME/... 00. YOu _KNOW WHO THAT STRANGER IS? Tee OH NOL.IF IT WAS..THEN MEN YOU SAID WHAT YOU THAT'S) JUST SAID... THE LONE RAN- ‘GER WOULD JUMP ON HIS HORSE AND RIDE AWAY WITH THE WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE IN THE BACKGROUND)... I THINK THAT CLARK BENT IS IN REALITY, SUPERDUPERMAN! THIS PHONE BOOTH AND TAKE OFF MY COAT, SHIRT, BASKETBALL SHOES, SPATS, SWEAT- SOCKS, SWEATER, SWEAT-SHIRT, SWEAT, LONG JOHNS... WOOPSY... GOTTA PUT BACK THEM LONG JOHNS... THATS. — MY UNIFORM! «.. BY GEORGE... IT'S AGOOD THING YOU REMINDED ME! 1'D FORGOTTEN FOR A MINUTE THAT IN REALITY I WAS SUPERDUPER- MAN!... LIKE A DOPE T BEEN SITTING IN THAT PHONE BOOTH MAKING A PHONE CALL! .= AND NOW I STAND REVEALED WATCH... D/LL KNOCK YOU OVER’ [ FROM THE IMPACT OF AIR BEING FORCED AWAY FROM MY MUSCLE WHEN T FLEX IT! ['seinacu! Y. SPINACH! ss HERE, POOPEYE!.... CUP OF SPINACH JSUNDAE WITH CHOCO - LATE COATED SPINACH LEAVES TOPPED WITH CHICKEN SYRUP MIXED WITH SPINACH JUICE TOPPED WITH NUT- SIZED CRUSHED GRAVEL FOR GRIT! OH, POOPEYE SWEE' BACK... YOU STRUCK ME! FOR THE way | | 7 EVER WHAT DOES THIS MEAN, KICKING IME IN YOU HAVE DISGUSTED! } THE BACK!... YOU HAVE HURT ME DEEPLY... FOUGHT FOR ME YOUAND / NOT THE FLESH, BUT THE SOUL... E5- 3. FOR THE way J |” Your PECIALLY SINCE I CARRY A RARE HIP- YOU HAVE PRO- FURSHLUG-\ FLASK IN MY BACK POCKET/.... WARN TECTED ME...1 CAN] | GINER YOU...CON'T KICK MEIN. THE ONLY EXPRESS My | | SPINACH / FEELINGS Towaros| | I GUESS YOU WITH ONE LL HAVE, AFFECTIONATE TO TAKE, EXPRESSION, ONE | | CARE OF AFFECTIONATE YOu WORD WHICH IS... J | MYSELF! PLEASE DON!T HIT ME ANY MORE. P-PLEASE DON'T HIT ME!... DLL GET OUT OF HERE FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET!. TILL LEAP OVER THE BUILDING AT A SINGLE BOUND! T'LL BOUNCE OuT OF HERE LIKE POTRZEBIE! THAT'LL TEACH YOU_NOT TO [HIT SWEE'BACK! FIRST OF ALL... CALL ‘SECOND OF ALL... THOSE ..0,K, FOR YOU, SWEE'- YOu, SWEE'BACK, THAT YOU'RE ) ME MISTER} | OTHER CHARACTERS WEREN'T | BACK!...I/M EATING LISTENING TO MY WARNING SWEE’BACK/... I'M HITTING ME AT ALL/...1 WAS / SPINACH, SWEE'BACK!. AND NOT KICKING ME IN THE NOT REALLY AN INFANT. JUST TRYING TO TRICK YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT BACK! IT'S A LUCKY THING IM A MIDGET (AS YOU INTO GETTING A IN THE LABONZA, 4 FOR YOU YOU'RE KICKING ME IN THE SHINS, BOY! BOY, IT'S A LUCKY THING FOR ) iF AN INFANT COULD | | BEATING FROM ONE OF SWEE' BACK... HAVE SUCH A THEM SUPPOSEDLY = DEVELOPED INVINCIBLE BUMS!... HERE, POOPEYE! VOCABULARY). HAS... T HOPE THI Piet THINK YOU'LL GET FIRED WHEN BURGER, NEED THIS LAST THEY GO BACK BIT OF SPINACH I ; : TO THEIR COMIC- LEFT IN THE > REFRIGERATOR! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?... PO YOU KNOW WHY ss. SO WHAT IF THERE'S IRON IN I_WAS TRYING TO GET YOU BEAT UP?... I'LL TELL, | | SPINACH! THERE'S IRON IN YOu WHY!... BECAUSE I AM "MMAD-MAN SWEE* BROCOLLIS,. THERE'S IRON IN BACK.”. THE BROCOLL/ KING, THAT'S WHY/... L Z.,, THERE'S IRON IN OWN THE BIGGEST BROCOLL! BUSINESS IN THE WORLD, Y. IGHT IN THE ABONZA! RIGHT IN THE KISHKAS! HARD! YY . SPINACH © ‘I HAD IN THE REFRIGERATOR +s HAHZ... WHY 2... HAH ELEMENTARY.” THAT WAS NO SPINACH,! THAT WAS CHARD/: SWEE’ BACK BURGER Bf gs SX ! YOU EVER WATCH ONE OF THESE SPORTS NEWSREELS WHERE THEY'VE SPED UP THE CAMERA TO SLOW DOWN THE ACTION. BY GEORGE, THERE'S MORE GOES ON IN AN ACTION THAN MEETS THE EYE!... LIKE FORINSTANCE, LET US SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS 1 A GOLF BALL, BY GEORGE (THAT'S GEORGE OOWN THERE)... WHEN THE GOLF CLUB STRIKES IT IN... GOLF: 2285 12.2" FROWN TIE Riot THE, HERE THE PONT OF NOTE INTERESTING | NOTE HOW SIDE OF GOLF = ORDINARY GOLF CLUB APPROACHES CONTACT, WHERE CLUB PHENOMENON CAUGHT BY BALL FLATTENS AN IN- TOUCHES SURFACE OF BALL... THE SLOW-MOTION CAMERA.. STANT BEFORE LEAVING TEE! GOLF BALL ON ATEE! ON DOWNWARD SWING. é . = STILL FLATTENING, BEND- ... FLATTENING, BENDING... ...SENDING, FLATTENING — ..BENDING, LEAVING —_.. SOMEONE. NAILED ING THE CLUBAN INSTANT ANY MINUTE BALL IS. BENDING... ABOUT TO “BENDING... THE BALL INTO THE BEFORE LEAVING THE TEE... ABOUT TO LEAVE TEE... ANY MINUTE LEAVE... ... HEY WHAT THE HECK... GROUND, BY GEORGE ! BOWLING: TO THE NORMAL UNAIDED EYE ...AN THE BALL THEN, APPEARS, TO YOUR NORMAL, UNAIDED MISER- ‘* EXPERT BOWLER APPEARS MERELY TO ABLE BLOODSHOT EYE, TO SHOVE THE PINS EFFORTLESSLY INTO PROJECT THE SPHEROID IN THE DIRECTION OF THE TEN-PINS! THE PIT... BUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENS... HOOO HOOOoo... i = SITLL Be apy THE SLOW MOTION CAM- ..TURNING A CERTAIN SPE- ..THIS SPIN MAKING IT __..THEN THE. CERTAIN ..AND IT HITS IN SUCH ERA COMES TO OURRES- CIAL SPIN YOU CAN ONLY — REVOLVE SO'S IT HITS THE SPECIAL WAY IT HITS MAKES “A SPECIAL WAY, IT CUE! THERE GOES THE BALL. NOTICE IN SLOW MOTION... MIDDLE PINS FIRST... . TURNS RIGHT AND HITS... LZ ‘SO YOU SEE, IT AC- OF COURSE, THE UNAIDED BUT THANKS TOOUR SLOW THERE YOU SEE ALL THE ..THANKS TOOUR SLOW- TUALLY HITS IN THREE EYE SEES ALL THIS MOTION CAMERA, HAHA... PINS COMING TORESTIN. MOTION CAMERA, WE NO- DIRECTIONS ATONCE! ACTION AS A HAZY @LUR! WE KNOW BETTER, EH? TICE ONE PIN STANDING! ZZ " HOWEVER, YOU WILL NO- ...IN SUCH A CERTAIN. STRIKING THE RE- AND NOW EVERYTHING NEEDLESS TO SAY, THE TICE BALL 1S STILL SPECIAL SPIN ENABLING | MAINING PIN AND SPIN- HAS BEEN STRUCK UNAIDED EYE SEES ALL SPINNING IN THE PIT... IT TO LEAP FROM PIT... NING BACK INTO THEPIT! DOWN INTO THE PIT! THIS ASA HAZY BLUR! AQUAPLANING 2 TO THE WE SEE HIM SAIL THROUGH THE AIR, OBSERVED THIS MERELY WITH THE. * NAKED EYE, AND DISAPPEAR FOR AN INSTANT INA NAKED EYE... ALL WE HAVE. TO SAY TO ‘THE AQUAPLANE EXPERT DOESN'T DO MUCH! SPLASH!..YOU WHO HAVE OBSERVED THIS... YOU IS...SHAME ON YOU... GOGET DRESSED! THE MAGIC SLOW MOTION FROM THE LEFT, OUR POINT OF CONTACT..NOTE NOTE HOW MOMENTUM NOTE HOW DEEP THE CAMERA REVEALS THE AQUAPLANER DESCENDS SPLASH BEGINNING TO ACTUALLY FORCES BODY MOMENTUM FORCES TRUTH OF THE SITUATION! TOWARDS THE WATER! RISE FROM SURFACE! INTO THE WATER! BODY INTO THE WATER! NOTE IN FACT HOW THE NATURALLY...ALL THIS ...I MEAN, IT MAY LOOK ... ACTUALLY, THE BODY ...THIS IS ACTUALLY BODY GOES COMPLETE HAPPENS SO FAST THE SLOW IN SLOW MOTION... TAKES A FRACTION OF ALL HAPPENING IN A LY UNDER WATER NORMAL EYE MISSES IT! ACTUALLY IT'S FAST! A SECOND TO BOB UP! FRACTION OF A SECOND. DON'T FORGET...HIS IS... AND ANY SECOND, THE... ANY SECOND, TO THE .WELL BY GEORGE... THE ACTUALLY A SLOW BODY WILLCOME TO SURFACE WILL ACTUALLY HOW DO YOU LIKE BOAT BY MISTAKE WENT MOTION PICTURE... THE SURFACE ACTUALLY.. THE BODY COME... THATZ... TSK TSK TSK! INTO THE SHALLOWS! — BOXING: 12m Noma EYE: TO_THE NORMAL EYE, AJAB MAY LOOK ..HOWEVER...IF YOU GOT SUCH A BLOW 3 BOXING IS NEVER EXCITING WEAK/... TO THE NORMAL EYE, ABLOW TO YOUR NORMAL EYE, BOY WOULD UKE WRESTLING OR ROLLER DERBIES! = MAY LOOK HARMLESS / YOU BE FARSHIMMELT... OF CUSS, THE MAGIC SLOW- HERE THE SEEMINGLY ...HERE WE SEE THE —.. BEING A*RIGHT CROSS," ... NOTE HOW THE NOTION CAMERA SHOWS SHORT JAB MAKES GLOVE BEGINNING TO HERE WE SEE THE FACE FACE COMPRESSES TO YOU WO HOPPEN! CONTACT WITH THE FACE! SINK INTO THE FLESH! BEING PULLED TOTHE LEFT! HALF ITS WIDTH! HERE THE GLOVE .NOTE THE POPPING ...NOTE THAT THE HEAD ...NOTE THE MOUTHPIECE. ...OTE HOW SOME TEETH LEAVES THE FACE IN ITS SOUND WITH WHICH THE 15 STILL SPINNING EMERGING FROM THE FOLLOW THE MOUTHPIECE. LEFTWARD JOURNEY! FACE RESUMES ITS SHAPE! FROM THE BLOW! — FORCE OF THE BLOW! IN QUICK SUCCESSION! AND NOW WATCH HOW ...NOTE HOW THE LEFT _.noTE THE HEAD, STILL ...SMASHES ACCIDENTALLY ...AND FINALLY NOTE. SHE KNOCKOUT REALLY ARM IS ACCIDENTALLY TURNING FROM THE INTO THE UPRAISED HOW THE AIR IS FILLED. COMES ABOUT! BEING RAISED IN DEFENSE! FORCE OF THE BLOW... GLOVE, CAUSING KNOCKOUT! WITH REMAINING TEETH ! SKIING: TO THE NORMAL, AMERICAN EYE, WE THINK = ...WE THINK NOTHING OF SEEING HIM LAND IN A BIG. s NOTHING OF SEEING THE SKIER FLY TROUGH FURRY OF SNOW!... LITTLE DO YOU KNOW WHAT ‘THE AIR AND FALL HUNDREDS OF FEET! THINGS GO ON IN THAT BIG FLURRY OF SNOW/ roa Z THE FURSHLUGGINER HERE, AFTER DESCENDING, ... THIS PARTICULAR ...HERE, SKIER, BE- ..HERE SKIER REACHES SLOW-MOTION CAMERA OUR SKIER MAKES SKIER HAS MADE VERY CAUSE OF FAULTY LAND- APEX OF FIRST BOUNCE. HAS ALL THE ANSWERS! CONTACT WITH GROUND... FAULTY LANDING! ING, LEAVES GROUND! AND IS READY TO DESCEND! | HERE SKIER DESCENDS! ...HERE SKIER CONTACTS ...NOTE HOW BODY __ HERE SKIER BOUNCES ... NOTE REMARKABLE ELAS- s.NOTE SKIS COMPLETE: GROUND AGAIN. THIS FLATTENS FROM FORCE UP FROM GROUND FOR TICITY AS SKIER RISES Ly OUT OF LINE / TIME WITH BODY! = TO HALF ITS DEPTH! THE SECOND TIME! — OUT OF CAMERA RANGE / w:NOTE FOR MOMENT WHILE ...NOTE SKIER DESCENDS ...NOTE HEAD ABOUT ...NOTE FORCE WITH — ..NOW NOTE SEPARATE. ‘SKIER IS OUT OF PICTURE, INTO PICTURE AGAIN, THIS TO CONTACT GROUND WHICH SNOW AND ROCKS PARTS OF SKIER AS THEY DEEP GOUSES IN SNOW! TIME HEAD FIRST! WITH GREAT FORCE! ARE FLUNG FROM IMPACT! BOUNCE. UP FOR LAST TIME! Tan SWIMMING: NOt SSM MMMiNG HEN THESE CHAMPIONS THE MAGIC YOU-KNOW- HERE THE DIVER LEAVES JUMP OFF THE DIVING BOARD, WHAT NORMAL WHAT COMES TO OUR THE BOARDIN A PER- HUMAN EYE CAN CATCH ALL THE GYRATIONS THEY 0O INONEDNE? @%m@# RESCUE! FECT "SWAN DIVE"! ne) THEN HE SNAPS INTO ...THEN, HE SNAPS INTO ...THEN, HE SNAPS INTO ...THEN HE SNAPS INTO A... THEN HE SNAPS INTO. AN INCOMPARABLE AN EXACT LEFT-HANDED A BEAUTIFULLY EXE- GORGEOUS *RIGHT-HANDED A MAGNIFIQUE “GRAB- "JACK: KNIFE..." “TWIST-ABOUT..!” CUTED “TUMBLE... ‘TWIST ABOUT(UPSIDE-DOWN). FOOTED FOLD-OVER..” «THEN HE SNAPS INTO... THEN HE SNAPS INTOA AS HE APPROACHES — ... SLOWLY TURNING IN. STILL TURNING SO'S. A MARVEUIEUX'GALLOP- \UNDERBAR "FALL-DOWN THE WATER, HE GRACE- AIR IN A PERFECTLY , THAT HE CAN MEET PING FALL-DOWN...” — DRAG-OUT!..AND FINALLY... FULLY UNFOLDS.. EXECUTED "SWAN DIVE... THE WATER HEAD-ON! NOTE THE FEARLESS... NOTE THE POINT OF NOTE HOW THE BODY «WELL WHAT 00 YOU OUTTHRUST POSITION OF CONTACT... HOW THE POINT “ACTUALLY COMPRESSES FOR KNOW!...NO WATER IN THE PLUMMETING HEAD! FLATTENS FROM INITIAL IMPACT! AN INSTANT FROM THE FORCE! THE POOL, BY GEORGE! CUT-YOUR-OWN-THROAT DEPT.: AS OUR TINY REO EYES ROVE O'ER THE PILES OF DUSTY MAGAZINES IN OUR DARK LITTLE OFFICE, WE SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT WE'VE JABBED OUR POISONED PEN INTO EVERY PHASE OF COMIC BOOKS EXCEPT MAYBE LITTLE ODDS AND ENDS LIKE... TRADE -MARKS...COPYRIGHT STATEMENTS ... AND COMIC BOOK ADS! SAY...HOW'S ABOUT THEM. COMIC BOOK ADS! WHAT TYPE COMIC BOOK .OR MAYBE YOU'RE THE 2.OR MAYBE YOU'RE THE ‘= cTHEN MAYBE, YOU'RE THE AD READER ARE YouFARE | | NAUSEATING TYPE WHO IWISERABLE TYPE LIKE ALL WORST TYPE GF ALL WHO YOU THE FREELOADER TYPE | | SENDS AWAY FOR THINGS, | | THE REST OF US..ATTRACTED FILLS QUT THE COUPON IN THE WHO SENDS AWAY FOR ALL | | MARKED"HOW TO BE POPULAR By THE PAGE THAT SAYS. FRONT OF THE BOOK FOR “HOW TO BE LUCKY IN LOVE! ON TOP, ‘MAKE MONEY?" A SUBSCRIPTION TO MAD! THINGS MARKED "FREE" It’s EASY TO HYPNOTIZE... when you know how! SST TTT CONCENTRATE INC., Dept. Welfare 998 98th St., N. Y. 98,N. Y. Want the thrill of imposing your will over someone? Of naling fomeone Wo crac” what You order? You dp, do ‘ou? Shame on You, you dirty low-down no% ote illustration. Contrary to what your miserable mind mmaybethkng i ithe gil who ie ahaut to hypnoiee the boy. Notice the position of her eyes, which play impor. fant part in hypnofiem. Also notice the position of ‘her and “behind back which also. plays: most Smportant. part fn bypnotiam mainly since hard is Holding bascall Batt To.get your copy of our system of hypnotiam, listen care Tagan Concentrate’ concentrate 906 are get Heepy' s “aleepy concentrate“ go 10 your mother’s pocket-booic '“"?” you will take out $158. $1.98 ESmcentrate OB ih nean evycipe with the coupons WITH THE COUPON”. “concentrate + Jou" wili go. out and mail it and then you will wake up and hen zou do wil forget You ever read this eomie book De CONCENTRATE" aail coupon to's = Géncentrate Tre $98 98th St NY. 98, N.Y. veee Send me book on HOW TO HYPNOTIZE, oh master, tilar ic ence S98 ot delighted: yoy will send my money back althou Tqueee you willbe delighted with my money nse neMe® Name Alias Cave Number weeee «MAKE MONEY 5 AD ‘YES, NEPHEW WILLIE, YOUR JMB 'IT WAS FUN AND Basy WI THIS IS A NEAT RANGER AXE 'N lerful prizes shown 5 s JO SELL OUR caRoS AND] | KNIFE KIT. 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I improved my HE-MAN LOOKS 1000% ul won NEW STRENGTH {2 jiiccs dors: “> Lwon_NEW_ POPULARITY tx raunimssos tus, Sa : " Pee ne Cea I pot ‘ Praag a 5 PAM n LNs Which YOU can NOW get FREE oer ereey tar. He can shoplift tt He amazes his friends!” MELVIN: NM COME ON, PAL, HOW YOU ge me ‘ Bat a WNUTES A DAY aes i ES a) a * 10 i tccr' own nome he un da vadsi ‘and Vl give YOU A KEW HEMAI . i for your OLD SKELETON FRAME Baw i Ceveond a Win wif aT Prac a wrath, 0 the strongest of the ah ae ‘strong. YES. | will reveal to you the Ted at CO Secret of using the word "SHAZAM™ We Jott Han Develop YOUR 520 MUSCLES Eliminate ALL 13 odor areas. re yi 'YES! You'll see INCHES added to HY P| your ARMS and CHEST Your BACK aa TY and SHOULDERS broadened. From head to heels you'll gain SIZE, POWER, SPEED. For you see, we're going to ship you a BEE-HIVE Each "AMAZING bee-sting guaranteed to swell you an INCH. y SECRETS” rN LAST CHANCE-ALL FREE COUPON Course thas win $100, ee , EnveLere Get Something i This course entitle ARMSTRONG'S RACING SHEET” For Nothing. ae ATHIOS! TENSION! EXCITEMENT! HERE 1S A SCENE FROM ONE OF E.C.'S "NEW DIRECTION “MAGS... IMPACT [AND THEN...OOWN DEEP INSIDE YOU.. HE SITS STIFFLY, READING HIS PAPER, NOT LOOKING AT YOU, NOT YOU FEEL THE CHILL...THE COLO CHILL NOTICING YOU. BUT YOUVE SEEN W/M, CARL! YOU'VE SEEN HIS FACE. THE CHILL OF DEATH. YOU STARE THE ONE YOU ANEW SOMEDAY YOU'D SEE AGAIN... THE FACE YOU'VE BEEN AT THE PAPER ON YOUR LAP,UNABLE AFRA/D TO SEE FOR TEW LONG YEARS.YOUR MOUTH TWITCHES. YOUR TO RAISE YOUR EYES...AFRAID TO SEE HANDS OPEN AND CLOSE, WET WITH PERSPIRATION .. WHAT YOU KNOW IS THERE. BUT, a AFTER & FEW TERRORIZED MOMENTS, a ()) NO! WO HE CAN'T HURT ME YOU CAN'T STAND IT! YoU 20 LooK NOW! HE CAN'T! HE WOULDN'T! UP! AND YOU SEE HIM S The Roman Arena! The French Revolution! Napoleon! HERE IS A SCENE FROM ANOTHER OF £.C.'S "NEW DIRECTION” MAGS... VALOR ERD LOOKED UP WITH HORROR AND AWE AS HIS TREMBLING HANDS WERE STRETCHED ACROSS A BOULDER AND HIS CHAINS WERE SHAT- TEREO WITH THE BLOW OF A BATTLE-AXE... AYES WE IS ARTHUR OF AVALON! "THE SERF STOOD GREATHLESSLY UNCONPRENEND= INGLY.-WATCHING THE KNIGHT AND HIS RETENUE RIDE OFF INTO THE MIST. AND HE NO LONGER WORE CHAINS ARTHUR...2 ARTHUR OF AVALON...? KING ARTHUR‘? INTRIGUE! MEAPLINEGS! THRILLS! FOLLOW KEITH MICHAELS, W.P, SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT, IN E.C.'S "NEW DIRECTION” MAG... AND STILL LATER...OUT AT THE ISLAND REEFS... WAIT A MINUTE, MICHAELS. I DON'T ) SURE L DO! UKE THIS SPOT! LET'S TRY THE Tm ALL Set! OTHER ENP OF THE REEFS! YOU ) COME ON! TAKE DONIT WANT TO DIVE HERE! / OFF THAT SHIRT AND LET'S GO! KEITH DIVES, IN THE BOAT, ANXIOUS, STRAINED FACES WAIT THROUGH THE LONG MINUTES, WATCHING THE AIR BUBBLES BURST ON THE SURFACE OF THE WATER... \ [J A G SCREAIMWOG ACTIOU! BLLIZMOE CUS! EXPLOOWIG FORT! GE TAKE TO THE COMBAT SKIES IN E.C.'S "NEW DIRECTION” MAG... ds) GES Gh YES, THAT'S HOW IT WAS. EVERY DAY, WE GALLANTLY FOUGHT A GALLANT ENEMY... WITHOUT REALLY HATING HIM/ WE COULON'T EVEN HATE THE JERRIES A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, WHEN /7 HAPPENED, THE C.O., COL. MIKE PEPPER, HAD LED EIGHTEEN OF US OVER VAGSTAFFEL IT'S Al FIELD, BUZZING VON KRUESLING'S H.Q., "THROWING DOWN THE GAUNTLET" And now, the most revolutionary idea ever presented in comics! Discover the innermost secrets of people searching for peace of mind in E.C.’s “New Direction" mag... CHWADALY SS Ie SUBJECT'S PARENTS PASSED HE OOCTOR BECKONED TO THE | [LISTEN To ME, FREDDY... OUT THROUGH THE WAITING ROOM. | | suBJecT. THE BOY HESITATED, | |caREFULLY. YOUVE FAILED THE DOCTOR SHOOKHISHEAD... _| | THEN ENTERED THE OFFICE... | [YOUR STUDIES... THERE'S 90% OF THE TROUBLE...| | HOW HE STARES AT MEY suspicious] |NOOKY FROM SCHOOL. ABAD MARRIAGE... INCESSANT +, FRIGHTENED, .. MISERABLE. QUARRELS OVER REARING THE ME CHILD... THE FATHER PULLING ONE WAY... THE MOTHER, THE : OTHER. NO WOMDER THE Bor's Ges AS MANY OF YOU KNOW, WE AT E.C. HAVE BEEN HARD AT WORK PREPARING A COMPLETELY NEW LINE OF MAGAZINES TO REPLACE THE ONES WE'VE DROPPED! AFTER MUCH HEAD-SCRATCHING, NAIL-BITING, AND BRAIN- RACKING... FOLLOWED BY PLENTY OF PENCILING, INKING, AND EDITING... WE ARE AT LAST READY TO UNVEIL OUR *SBW BORGETIOR)" MAGAZINES! TO AROUSE YOUR CURIOSITY, WE'VE PRE- SENTED THIS UNVEILING IN THE FORM OF COMING ATTRACTIONS! NOW YOU'VE SEEN THEM! LOOKELOR REM MON BY CUKINEWSSTAN DS IF YOU'D LIKE TO SUBSCRIBE TO ANY AND/OR ALL OF THESE "NEW DIRECTION” MAGS, FILL OUT THE COUPON BELOW, ENCLOSE $1.00 FOR EACH SUBSCRIPTION, AND MAIL To maemy ENTERTAINING COMICS ' ROOM 706 NAME 5 225 LAFAYETTE STREET , N.Y.C, 12, N.Y. x PLEASE SEND ME 8 ISSUES OF THE ADORESS 2 1 MAGAZINE(S) I HAVE CHECKED, I ENCLOSE . @ ONE DOLLAR (41.00) FOR EACH SUBSCRIPTION. CITY oe . ‘ —_—__—_—_—_—s—— § OO meact (aces HIG erate , : ! DD vator U psycHoanatysis 1 1 1 © extrar 01 mao OO panic 0 piracy : ee eee ad MOVIE DEPT, : PLEASE EXCUSE THE HANDWRITING-¢... WE JUST SAW A PICTURE THAT MADE US SLIGHTLY NERVOUS/..SUCH ACTio3 H VIOLENCE PEOPLE GETTING KILLEDY... PEOPLE GETTING BEAT UPY..BLOOD ALL OVER EVERYTHING... EVEN THE MUSIC ,..INSTEAD OF MUSIC. DRUMS... THAT KNOCK YOU OUT OF YOUR SEAT! LIKE FORINSTANCE, HERE'S HOW IT STARTS IN. I GOTSHA WMY GOODNESS, GET THE POTATOES PIDJHIN’S Bae Ol F/\ OPEN THE CAGE ON THE, moor a4 cae TLL BE RIGHT DOWNS THASS JOEY! ALLA TIME DOIN’ THINGS THE HARD wavs AWRIGHT, YOU BUNCH OF PUNCH- THIS PUNK WAS TRYIN’ HIYA, TERRY KID! DRUNK EX- BOXERS, QUIT THIS TO SHORT CHANGE ME OF ) THANKS FOR SEND- SHADOW BOXING F'RA MINUTE! ]91 | SOME LONGSHOREMAN « 'N@ JOEY UP ON wo RECEIPTS! THROW HIM peeieoma UNDER A TRAIN! YEAH... YA CAN'T BE SOFT! JOBY a TERRY..DON'T ! 7 | PTHERE'S ANOTHER DQ SET SOFT! | F erooL PIDGEON etl ACTIVE... THAT. KAYO DUGAN, Z JOHN FRIENDLY, HE THREW THEM CRATES ‘0 STOP LOADING FELL AND SMASHED ON KAYO HIVA,EDIE! 5 Just COME | GET OUT OF HERE| | WASSAMATTA? 1 J it’s NoT WHEN you FROM THE DOCKS AN’/ yoy BUM! WHAT OPENED THE DOOR '\ OPENED THE DOOR™ I THINK TLL RAT ON ‘MOVIE You THINK 4 | WITHOUT KNOCKIN’ )IT'S HOW you JOHN FRIENDLY AND I OPENED THE DooR/ OPENED THE Door! IIS CROOKED YOU'RE IN ANYHOW? AT THE WRONG JUST CAUSE IT'SA 4 UNIONS x AIN'T YOU GOT. MEZ VIOLENT MOVIE 1S THIS THE WAY TO COME INTO A HOUSE? 11'S JOHN FRIENDLY! CC wetaaes Sree | 7 ramen CAN'T You / LISTEN SEE TERRY. Qs HM ore, OFE REALIZE TO THE “Y ITHEY'RE IN THAT THEY'RE “ BACKGROUND] |TRUCK! THEY'RE GOING TO. Musics GOING TO RUN ear DO KILL YOu?, US DOWN! & THAT! THIS ma IS A ONE- — we WAY STREET! lo Ne =4 Ly \ | | AWA! THEIR stRATEcy V FoR YOU SEE... WAS MOT TO THROW ME TUS Is t +] | UNDER THE TRUCK, BUT TO THROW ME INTO -“/ PAINTING = THIS DOORWAY! OF A S QUICK! INTO THIS OPEN DOORWAY/ LOOK! THAT BODY over THERE! ISN'T THAT... DIDN'T THEY KILL YOUR BROTHER CHARLIE 2 How HORRIBLE! WHAT A TERRIBLE SHAME! ... ALL THAT SCOTCH! (t's ALL JOHN FRIENDLY'S FAULT! y os B p, o iy D COME ON OUT! < 17'S TERRY! THaT STOOL- PIDGEON I'M NOT AFRAID) auy1. rurow Aue = OF YOU! THOSE TWO OTHER GSTOML PIDGEONS [| OFF THE ROOF...THEN bh GET 'IM, Boys! TERRY! OH, TERRY, LOOK AT Yous... ALL T CAN SAY 15. YOU'VE GoT }... FOR THIS 10 GET UP IS WHOLE ‘AND MESSAGE WALK, TERRY!) OF sToRY, | WHICH IS... EcHy! JOHN FRIENDLY IS IN THE CLUB HOUSE BUSY WITH IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETINGS, BUTI pegizm 5 DON'T CARE! I <0 at oN TONGSWOREMAN'S Locat 18664329 [| Ss GIVE IT TO IM GOOD, Boys! NOW ANYONE WHO WANTS 'IM CAN a HAVE HIM I IF YOU ARE NoT AFRAID, JOHN FRIENDLY AND NOBODY ELSE CAN STOP YOU FROM WoRK- ING ON THE DOCKS! Gal)! CAN YOU HEAR ME OVER THE BACKGROUND WE NEED THE Yj : MUSIC, TERRY? Peet MONEY, TERRY! (MURRAY! HE'S A wo t i WALKING! a 2 |) | 3 { a Finally, as this, our current session draws to a close, we look at our calendar and calculate that at this moment, you, our reader, are somewhere in the waning days of December ... the twilight of the year. And so we momentarily swivel our swivel-chairs about putting the lampoon- ery, the buffoonery out of sight and out of mind, and we take up the pleasanter spirit of purely good cheer. To each and every one of you good readers, we would like to send to you our greetings of the season. To each and every one of you, may you have the Very-est, Merriest Christmas...and/or (depend- ing when you read this, be that as it might), may you have the Happiest, Carefree-est New Year that you have ever experienced and may you have many many more of the same for the rest of your natural-born days. —the Editors and Staff

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