POSITIVE PARENTING

MANUAL 6
SETTING LIMITS ON THE
USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES

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POSITIVE PARENTING
MANUAL

SETTING LIMITS ON THE

USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES
© UNICEF, April 2023

ISBN : 978-92-806-5108 -9

The findings, interpretations and conclusions expressed in this paper are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect
the policies and views of UNICEF.

The text has not been edited to official publication standards and UNICEF accepts no responsibility for errors. The
designations in this publication do not imply an opinion on legal status of any country or territory, or of its authorities, or
the delimitation of frontiers.

In this manual, the term “mother/father/parent” is used for convenience. It applies to all those with a caring
role, including grandparents and extended family members, foster carers, etc.
Acknowledgements

This publication is adapted from the original work of Ms. H.P.C Wasantha Pathirana
MSSc. (University of Kelaniya) M.A. (University of Kelaniya) B.A. (Special) University of
Colombo, and we thank her for her contribution.
4

Positive Parenting manual booklets

1. Talking Back

2. Fighting with Siblings

3. Neglecting Schoolwork

4. Household Chores and Responsibilities

5. Returning Home Late

6. Setting Limits on the Use of Digital Devices

7. Fussy Eaters

8. Throwing Tantrums

9. Relationships

10. Staying Awake Past Bedtime

11. Substance Abuse

12. Gender

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The icons in this book depicts the following to its readers

Think a Minute

Point To Remember

Important Lesson

Practical Advice

Question

Write Your Thoughts

SETTING LIMITS ON THE USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES 6

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INTRODUCTION TO POSITIVE
PARENTING

What is Positive Parenting?

P
ositive Parenting is not restricted to a method, a set
of rules, or a style; it is a belief, a way of living. Children
should be treated with respect, free from fear of
violence and shame, and guided with loving encouragement.
The very first step to become a positive parent is to adjust
one’s thinking, by improving your own knowledge, attitudes,
behaviours and skills. To achieve this, parents must be willing
to reflect on themselves and their role as parents, do their best
to complete all the activities; and use the new information in
their daily interactions with their children. Parents will learn
that communication is a crucial way to ensure an ongoing
relationship with their children.

Positive Parenting Manual

This manual allows us to begin thinking about how we can
bring up a child without inflicting/causing physical harm. This
method is known as positive parenting.

Positive Parenting Manual

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This manual focuses on specific tools such as:

y How to establish goals for you and your child

y How to spend quality time with your children

y How to express yourself and enable your child to express

their feelings in a safe environment

y How to use praise and reward

y How to give instructions and establish household rules

y How to redirect and ignore negative behaviours

y How to use consequences and establish cool down times

y How to resolve conflicts

By repeatedly referring to this manual, you will gain a sound

understanding of the different methods available to discipline
your child.

SETTING LIMITS ON THE USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES 6

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What positive parenting is:

y Positive parenting is about long-term solutions that develop children’s

self-discipline.

y Positive parenting is clear communication of expectations, rules and

limits.

y Positive parenting is about building a mutually respectful relationship

with your children.

y Positive parenting is about teaching children life-long skills.

y Positive parenting is about increasing children’s competence and

confidence to handle challenging situations.

y Positive parenting is about teaching courtesy, non-violence, empathy,

self-respect, human rights and respect for others.

What positive parenting is not:

y Positive parenting is not permissive parenting.

y Positive parenting is not letting children do whatever they want.

y Positive parenting is not about having no rules, limits or expectations.

y Positive parenting is not about short-term reactions or alternative

punishments to slapping and hitting.

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A common complaint among parents is that their children are not obedient.

“This child is very disobedient. S/he never listens to anything we say.” “S/he always
does what we ask her/him not to do. Not in the least bit obedient.” Are statements
like these made in your family? Do you feel that your children are disobedient?

In your opinion, what characteristics are typical of a child who is obedient? A child
who is inclined to be disobedient?

List them separately.

Disobedient Obedient

Compare your column on obedience with that of another parent’s column on

obedience. Have a discussion on this. You most probably will see both similarities
and differences between the two lists.

Reflect on your own parenting style and consider how you contribute to this
behavior.

The differences highlight that what we consider as obedience/disobedience

is a relative factor. This just means that the way you think of it is different to
the way someone else thinks about it.

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Once you have a clear understanding of the key behaviours you want to
see or change, try out the strategies below to address these behaviours
and support your child to think and act independently.

1. Make a list of what is considered good and bad behaviour at home,

the boundaries of these behaviours as well as the consequences of
not adhering to the boundaries. Depending on the age of your child/
children, do this together with them. Display this list at home in a
place where everyone can see.

2. Appreciate and praise the child every time s/he displays good
behaviour. The love you show towards your child must be
unconditional and positive.

3. Also note, we should disapprove and dislike the wrongful behaviour

of the child, not the child himself.

At times, parenting can be difficult! So, it is important to keep in mind

that these positive parenting techniques take time and patience to be
successful. It cannot be achieved in one day. If they don’t work today,
remember to try again tomorrow. It is important to be consistent in your
parenting approach and being consistent is the only way your child may
be able to understand what you are trying to communicate.

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References

National Parenting Taskforce, (2013), The Art of Parenting: Summary Guide, Parenting Guide_Summary
Guide.pdf (sharepoint.com)

Parenting for Lifelong Health: Handbook for Adolescents

SETTING LIMITS ON THE USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES 6

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Positive Parenting Manual

SETTING LIMITS ON THE
USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES

S ince the COVID-19 pandemic, the use of digital

devices has increased, with children spending
more of their time online and on devices. It is
important to set clear rules and limitations on the
use of digital devices to ensure your children’s
healthy development, as well as their safety online.

SETTING LIMITS ON THE USE OF DIGITAL DEVICES 6

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Screen Time

Below is a short “I see you have started watching Give that to me!” said father, and
story about an TV already, have you really finished snatched the remote control from
incident that all your schoolwork?” father asked Krishna’s hand.
took place Krishna who was watching a As father tried to turn off the TV
because of a cartoon, as he walked across the with the remote, Krishna grabbed
little boy who hall. it back, switched on the television,
spent too much Krishna did not reply. unfazed, and continued to watch
time watching Father turned towards Krishna his programme. Krishna started
television.
as he did not receive any response. laughing again because it was
He was engrossed in the cartoon. a funny cartoon. Father tried to
Father went towards Krishna, grab the remote control again
shook him and said, “Enough from Krishna but Krishna started
watching TV now…” “Only a little running around the hall with it.
more”, Krishna cut in, without even Father started to run behind
looking at his father. him and he knocked over a chair
Father heard the neighbor and bruised his leg. Father got
Sumana Achchi calling out to hold of Krishna and slapped him.
him and so left the room. He The remote control which was in
returned home an hour later and Krishna’s hand fell down and broke
heard Krishna’s laughter from the into pieces. Krishna’s ear turned
hall. Krishna was doubled over in red because of the slap, and he
laughter watching the programme started groaning in pain. Father
on the television. Father then then shouted,
became stern and said “How many hours have you been
“Krishna, how long has it been watching TV? You have absolutely
since I told you that it was enough no interest in studying! My throat
TV time? I thought you would be is hoarse after shouting! Don’t you
studying by now. From what time dare touch the TV again!”
have you been in front of the TV?

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Answer the following questions

Krishna is an eleven-year-old boy. How do you feel about father’s response to

Krishna spending too much time watching television?

Have similar incidents taken place in your home when your children use their
devices for a long time? Did these incidents end in an unpleasant manner?

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What rules have you put in place at your home for your children, about using their
devices?

Although your children may not break the rules about using their devices, they may
spend most of their free time on them. What are some possible reasons for children
spending a great deal of time on digital devices?

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How to manage Screen time
There is now a lot of research to show that the development and wellbeing of
children who spend long hours on digital devices is often negatively affected. Such
children tend to devote their attention to screens above everything else, usually
at the expense of the time they have for their education and playing with others.
Therefore, parents should limit a child’s screen time, but not prohibit it completely.
Watching TV, using the phone and computer can bring children joy and be a
medium of learning new knowledge.

The National Child Protection Authority (2021) has highlighted

some guidelines that can be used to manage a child’s screen time.
y Children below the age of one and a half years should not be allowed to use
any form of digital screen. With parental guidance, however, it is acceptable to
engage the child in a video call etc. if needed.

y Children between the ages of one and a half and two years may be allowed to
watch quality television programmes under parental supervision, for a limited
period.

y It is not suitable for children between the ages of two and five years to spend
more than one hour in front of the television per day.

y The amount of screen time allowed for children above the age of six years, may
vary depending on the nature of the programme that they are watching.

Engaging with digital programmes can give rise to harmful consequences, but
there are useful aspects to it too. Therefore, do not enforce excessive limitations
and keep your children away from all technology. Encourage them to use digital
technology to engage in education as needed. However, screen time in general
should be managed and an excessive amount of time should not be spent on
digital devices.

Keep in mind that being on a digital device close to bedtime can cause a reduction
in the quality of sleep obtained.

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A few factors to be considered when taking measures to limit a
child’s screen time
1. First, find out what type of programmes your child watches.

2. Then identify which are her/his favourite programmes among them.

E.g.: Cartoons, children’s movies, musical programmes, educational

programmes, discovery programmes, teledramas, news telecasts, adult
programmes (teledramas, films, or other entertainment programmes)

3. Thirdly, decide how much time can be allocated for your child to watch
television or use any other device, so that they can complete other routine
activities.

A point to remember

It is important to make sure the programme is appropriate for the child’s age, know
the time during which the specific programme is aired and know the duration of
the programme.

If you discipline the child using positive reinforcement such as engaging the child
in meaningful activities, spending too much time on a digital device is not likely to
be an issue.

Spending time playing digital games

There are many children in Sri Lanka who play games using the television, a
computer or a mobile phone. We have often heard people say that children prefer
digital gaming to outdoor or physical forms of playtime.

What are these digital sports or games? Are there digital sports or games that are
specifically designed for children? What are they like? With whom do they engage
when playing? These are questions which need to be addressed.

Most children in Sri Lanka use either the computer or their parent’s mobile phones
for gaming. If they have one, they may also use a tablet to play video games.
Additionally, for children living in and around urban areas, there are gaming centers
available. These gaming centers charge a fee from the customer, with which they
can access a range of video games that can be played individually or in groups.

Similar to watching television, video gaming too has its advantages and
disadvantages. Video games are now a normal part of modern childhood and
they can be a powerful tool to help children develop life skills such as negotiation,
patience and following rules etc. However, if children are given the freedom to play
video games with no parental guidance or supervision, they can begin to prioritize
gaming over outdoor play and socializing with friends. They may also play games
that are violent or not appropriate for their age.

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Therefore, if a specific time is not allocated to play video games, children can
spend excessive time engaging with digital technology, which can cause them
great harm and have adverse effects on their well-being and development.

Let us now read Mala listens into the happenings running after and grabbing the
a short story in the living room as she cooks. phone back from his mother.
about a small There is absolutely no noise. Where Their neighbour Seetha catches
child who was have the children gone? Mala sight of Mala running behind her
obsessed with pokes her head into the bedrooms, son. “Can you see this? Can’t keep
gaming. but no one is in sight. She notices a phone idle! They just take it and
her younger son sitting in the play games without even asking,”
corner of the veranda. Mala calls Mala tells Seetha.
out to him. He does not respond.. “Our house is even worse. They
She goes up to him. He is have not eaten since morning. My
playing a video game using Mala’s son has gotten together with your
mobile phone. Mayura and they’re playing games
“Ah! Are you playing games on on the computer,” says Seetha.
my phone as well now? Give that “I have no idea what to do
back to me, without breaking it!” Seetha. They don’t listen no matter
Mala tries to take her phone out what I say. My younger fellow has
of his hand as she says this, but also started playing games now.
Hansaka pushes her hand away. They don’t study at all.”
“I need to make a call as well. “I am tired of telling them the
Bring my phone back to me in a same thing, repeatedly. I leave
little while” says Mala as she walks them to do whatever they want
away. She finishes all her work and and mind my own business. Last
comes back an hour later, and week the children were hit by their
Hansaka is still playing the father for playing games. When
game. they get low grades at the exams it
Mala goes up to him and grabs will be too late.”
the phone from his hand. “Oh no! As Seetha says this, Mala also
I was at the best part – you ruined feels puzzled as to what they could
it!” shouts Hansaka and starts do about this.

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What steps can you take to limit and manage time spent on
gaming and protect the child from its harmful effects?
y Include a specific time for video games in their daily timetable. It is important
for this timetable to not be rigid. Make sure you leave room for flexibility,
because it is not appropriate or feasible to expect a child to follow a daily
timetable stringently. A timetable is kept in place to help a child complete their
daily tasks.

y Talking to parents who have children with similar habits, can also be a way of
understanding how to deal with this issue. Find out what methods they adopt
to tackle similar situations and how they limit or control behaviour which is not
acceptable. However, remember to practice these methods only if they are
positive ways of discipling the child.

y It is important to allow them to own a device at an appropriate age. This

should be at an appropriate age when the child is responsible enough to use
the device with care and safety. Evaluate the needs of the child for having this
device, perhaps it is needed for educational reasons or simply for leisure.

y Allocate times during which they can use the device to game. Setting aside
time on weekends, after chores or after they finish their homework.

y Enable Parental Restrictions/controls and apps on the device to block harmful

and mature content so that your child is safe when using the device.

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Online safety
Some games require children to play online with other players, who they may have
never met or seen. It is important to educate your child on the manner in which
they should conduct themselves with strangers, such as not giving out personal
information, sending photos of themselves and also behaving in a respectful
manner with other players.

Online Safety: NCPA guidelines

y Given the covid pandemic situation, most children and adolescents

will spend some of their time online. So do educate your children and
adolescents about online safety.

y As parents, you can openly express your worries and concerns about
being online to your child/adolescent and keep them aware of the
possible dangers.

y Educate them about protecting their online identity through privacy

settings.

y Ask them to keep track of their friends online- not to share any
personal information to people who they don’t know, or to people
whom they have not met.

y Educate them about reporting an account if they feel that a person is

sending bad images/messages and block that account

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References

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 2015, Video Games and Children: Playing with
Violence. Retrieved from https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/
FFF-Guide/Children-and-Video-Games-Playing-with Violence-091.aspx

Olson C. K 2010, Children’s Motivations for Video Game Play in the Context of Normal Development.
Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/gpr-14-2-180.pdf

National Child Protection Authority, 2021, Retrieved from http://www.childprotection.gov.lk/?page_

id=392

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Notes

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Notes

Positive Parenting Manual

Child Protection
3/1 Rajakeeya Mawatha
Colombo 7
Sri Lanka
www.unicef.lk

ISBN : 978-92-806-5108 -9

© United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF)

April 2023