Elisabeth Vanderheiden

Claude-Hélène Mayer Editors

The Value of Shame

Exploring a Health Resource in Cultural
Contexts
The Value of Shame
Elisabeth Vanderheiden Claude-Hélène Mayer
•

Editors

The Value of Shame

Exploring a Health Resource in Cultural
Contexts

123
Editors
Elisabeth Vanderheiden Claude-Hélène Mayer
Katholische Erwachsenenbildung Institut für therapeutische Kommunikation
Mainz und Sprachgebrauch
Germany European University Viadrina
Frankfurt (Oder)
Germany

and

Department of Management
Rhodes University
Grahamstown
South Africa

ISBN 978-3-319-53099-4 ISBN 978-3-319-53100-7 (eBook)

DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017930139

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Foreword

A Cultural Perspective on Shame

In times when books promise their readers that they can overcome shame once and
for all (Allyn 2004; Nelson 2016) and when shame has all but disappeared from
(American) public discourse (Cohen 2003), it is time to stop and reconsider if we
may have thrown the baby out with the bath water. Why is shame feared and
dismissed in some parts of the world? How do other parts of the world feel about
shame? Is it even justified to speak of one shame or are people actually engaging in
many “shames”? And have potential benefits of shame for both individual and
social well-being been overlooked?
At their core, shameful feelings involve a negative evaluation of the self and signal
outcomes that are incongruent with identity goals (Mascolo and Fischer 1995;
Tangney 1991; Tracy and Robins 2008). Shame acknowledges the importance of
other people’s norms and expectations, highlights a person’s own shortcomings in
meeting these norms and expectations, and communicates the willingness to live up to
them in the future. Experiencing shame means to experience oneself at odds with the
larger social context—by doing so, shame may motivate people to align themselves
and thus remain connected to others. But there is clearly room for ambivalence when
thinking about shame: To the extent that shame is helpful for social coherence, it also
constitutes a means of social control. Where there is opportunity for self-awareness
and reflection, rumination and self-deprecation are lurking in the dark. So, when it
comes to shame, are we talking about a moral compass or a moral cage?
The way people have answered this question appears to depend to a large extent
on the ideas they have about themselves and the kinds of relationships they strive
for. Although emotions often feel personal and idiosyncratic, they are deeply
intertwined with cultural meanings (Mesquita et al. 2016; Shweder 2003). Take the
following example from a North American (Christian) self-help book about healing
shame: “Shame has two conflicting instincts. It needs to isolate and hide, and it
needs a community in which to be transparent. Hiding, of course, usually wins. It is
the easier and more natural of the two” (Nelson 2016, p. 11). In contemporary

v
vi Foreword

(White, middle class) North American contexts, people highly value independence
and personal autonomy, freedom from other’s judgment, and positive self-regard
(Heine et al. 1999; Kim et al. 2010; Markus and Kitayama 1994). Shame under-
mines these values: A self that should be unaffected by social judgment and feel
good about itself becomes the object of social scrutiny; a self that aims for
autonomy in relationships is confronted with the painful consequences of not living
up to social expectations. It may seem only logical that hiding from the unpleasant
consequences of shame is the “natural” response in this context; this is even evident
in the meanings that shame has taken on in American English (Boiger et al. 2013a).
Shame can have very different moral connotations in places where people’s ideas
about self and others differ from those of the USA. In contexts where cultural
mandates underline social connection, interdependence, and mutual adjustment,
shame is a condoned experience—be it in terms of a Belgian pursuit of egalitari-
anism, a Japanese concern with keeping face or a Turkish focus on protecting honor
(Boiger et al. 2013a, b, 2014). Shame is promoted in these cultures through the
daily ecology of interpersonal interactions but also through cultural products, such
as the books parents read to their children (Boiger et al. 2013a). In these contexts,
shame is seen as a valuable means of self-improvement for the benefit of keeping
relationships smooth and harmonious. For example, Japanese do not show signs of
what has been coined “humiliated fury” in interpersonal situations—an experience
found in US Americans who transform the (unbearable) experience of shame into
anger (Kirchner et al. 2016). In the Japanese context, shame is neither unbearable
nor does it need transforming. It is then not surprising that, in Japan, shameful
experiences connect people with the concerns of others, whereas they are primarily
appraised as a threat to self-esteem in the USA (Boiger et al. 2013b, 2016).
A cultural perspective is thus helpful in understanding how past and present ideas
about shame emerge from culturally shared meaning systems, practices, and values.
At the same time, a cultural perspective can also limit one’s perspective to the world as
it has been or is right now. This is where the present book takes an imaginative and
daring step forward: The authors not only describe the different ways shame is
experienced and judged across cultural contexts but also explore the role shame could
play as a universal health resource in today’s world. In doing so, the essays in this book
fill an important gap between anthropological, sociological, and cultural psycholog-
ical accounts of diversity in shame and the pathologizing discourse on shame as an
(unnecessary) evil. In a unique collection that reaches from overarching theory and
local accounts on people’s “shames” to practical guidelines for working with shame in
constructive ways, this book proposes new ways of thinking about the question if
shame is a compass or a cage. Starting from a positive psychology perspective, the
contributors to this volume show how shame can constitute a resource for both per-
sonal and social development: When appropriately acknowledged and not only dis-
missed as a threat to feeling good about oneself, shame can reveal one’s moral cages
and, at the same time, be a guide to navigate them.

Leuven, Belgium Michael Boiger

Foreword vii

References

Allyn, D. (2004). I can’t believe I just did that: How embarrassment can wreak havoc in your
life—And what you can do to conquer it. New York, NY: Tarcher.
Boiger, M., De Deyne, S., & Mesquita, B. (2013a). Emotions in “the world”: Cultural practices,
products, and meanings of anger and shame in two individualist cultures. Frontiers in
Psychology, 4, 1–14.
Boiger, M., Güngör, D., Karasawa, M., & Mesquita, B. (2014). Defending honour, keeping face:
Interpersonal affordances of anger and shame in Turkey and Japan. Cognition & Emotion, 28,
1255–1269.
Boiger, M., Mesquita, B., Uchida, Y., & Barrett, L. F. (2013b). Condoned or condemned: The
situational affordance of anger and shame in the United States and Japan. Personality and
Social Psychology Bulletin, 39, 540–553.
Boiger, M., Uchida, Y., Norasakkunkit, V., & Mesquita, B. (2016). Protecting autonomy,
protecting relatedness: Appraisal patterns of daily a anger and shame in the United States and
Japan. Japanese Psychological Research, 58, 28–41.
Cohen, D. (2003). The American national conversation about (everything but) shame. Social
Research: An International Quarterly, 70, 1075–1108.
Heine, S. J., Lehman, D. R., Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1999). Is there a universal need for
positive self-regard? Psychological Review, 106, 766–794.
Kim, Y.-H., Cohen, D., & Au, W.-T. (2010). The jury and abjury of my peers: The self in face and
dignity cultures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 904–916.
Kirchner, A., Boiger, M., Uchida, Y., Norasakkunkit, V., Verduyn, P., & Mesquita, B. (2016).
Humiliated fury is not universal: The co-occurrence of anger and shame in the U.S. and Japan.
Manuscript submitted for publication.
Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1994). The cultural construction of self and emotion: Implications
for social behavior. In S. Kitayama & H. R. Markus (Eds.), Emotion and culture: Empirical
studies of mutual influence (pp. 89–130). Washington, DC: American Psychological
Association.
Mascolo, M. F., & Fischer, K. W. (1995). Developmental transformations in appraisals for pride,
shame, and guilt. In J. P. Tangney & K. W. Fischer (Eds.), Self-conscious emotions: The
psychology of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and pride (pp. 64–113). New York, NY: Guilford.
Mesquita, B., Boiger, M., & De Leersnyder, J. (2016). The cultural construction of emotions.
Current Opinion in Psychology, 8, 31–36.
Nelson, H. D. (2016). Unashamed: Healing our brokenness and finding freedom from shame.
Wheaton, IL: Crossway.
Shweder, R. (2003). Toward a deep cultural psychology of shame. Social Research, 70, 1109–1130.
Tangney, J. P. (1991). Moral affect: The good, the bad, and the ugly. Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology, 61, 598–607.
Tracy, J. L., & Robins, R. W. (2008). The automaticity of emotion recognition. Emotion, 8, 81–95.

Michael Boiger is a faculty of psychology and educational sciences, University of

Leuven, Leuven, Belgium. Preparation of this manuscript was supported by a
postdoctoral research fellowship from the Research Foundation—Flanders
(FWO) to Michael Boiger
Acknowledgements

We would like to thank the authors for their valuable contributions and their efforts
to move the work on culture and health from a positive psychology perspective
forward.

ix
Contents

1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame—Exploring a Health

Resource in Cultural Contexts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
Elisabeth Vanderheiden and Claude-Hélène Mayer

Part I Theoretical Perspectives on Shame and Culture

2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43
Michelle May
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion:
A Biopsychosocial Perspective . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61
Markus van Alphen
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual
Perspectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87
Thomas Ryan

Part II Culture-Specific Perspectives on Shame

5 lajjA in Indian Psychology: Spiritual, Social, and Literary
Perspectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 109
Dharm P.S. Bhawuk
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame
in the South African Workplace Through Personal
and Organisational Strategies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 135
Claude-Hélène Mayer and Louise Tonelli
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous
Nature-Connectedness, Colonialism and Cultural
Disconnection . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157
Barbara Buch

xi
xii Contents

8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187

Sharon Louth
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration
of Resilient Responses to Shame. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201
Samantha Brennan, Neville Robertson and Cate Curtis
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across
Cultures and the US . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223
Rebecca S. Merkin

Part III The Application of Shame and Culture in Therapeutic

and Counseling Practices
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice . . . . . . . . 251
Mrigaya Sinha
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work
and the Transformation of the Shadow of Shame
in a Group Development Process . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 277
Claude-Hélène Mayer
Editors and Contributors

About the Editors

Elisabeth Vanderheiden is a pedagogue, theologian, intercultural mediator, managing director
of the Catholic Adult Education Rhineland-Palatinate, and the federal chairman of the Catholic
Adult Education Germany. She has published articles in the context of vocational qualifications, in
particular qualification of teachers and trainers, as well as current topics of general, vocational, and
civic education, and intercultural opening processes.

Claude-Hélène Mayer is a Senior research Associate at Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South

Africa. She holds a Ph.D. in psychology (University of Pretoria, South Africa), a Ph.D. in management
(Rhodes University, South Africa), a doctorate (Georg-August University, Germany) in political sci-
ences (sociocultural anthropology), and a habilitation (European University Viadrina, Germany) in
psychology with focus on work, organizational, and cultural psychology. She has published several
monographs, text collections, accredited journal articles, and special issues on transcultural mental
health, sense of coherence and well-being, transcultural conflict management and mediation, women in
leadership in culturally diverse work contexts, constellation work, coaching, and psychobiography.

Contributors
Dharm P.S. Bhawuk (Ph.D., University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign), is a
professor of Management and Culture and Community Psychology at the
University of Hawaii at Manoa. He brings with him the experience of living and
growing in a developing economy, Nepal. He started his intercultural journey with a
month at international children’s camp in Artek, USSR, in 1972. His interdisci-
plinary training includes a Bachelor of Technology (B.Tech., Honors) from the
Indian Institute of Technology, Kharagpur, in mechanical engineering, a Master of
Business Administration (MBA) from the University of Hawaii at Manoa with a
Fellowship from the East–West Center, where he did research with Prof.
Richard W. Brislin in the area of intercultural training, and a Ph.D. in industrial
relations with specialization in human resource management and cross-cultural
psychology under the guidance of Prof. Harry C. Triandis at the University of
Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

xiii
xiv Editors and Contributors

Samantha Brennan (Ph.D., B.Sc.(Hons I), B.Sc.) is an American immigrant, who

has lived in New Zealand for the past 12 years. Noticing the effects of shame to be
powerful and potentially damaging, Samantha set about the journey of researching
shame and resilience. This research ultimately formed the basis for her Ph.D. thesis,
the results of which have been presented at conferences across New Zealand and
Australia. Samantha now works as an intern psychologist at Shine (Safer Homes in
New Zealand Everyday, Inc.) applying her research to work with domestic violence
victims and offenders.

Barbara Buch holds a master’s degree in health education (Faculty of

Psychology, University Flensburg, Germany) and a master’s degree in biology
(Georg-August-University Göttingen, Germany). She offers workshops and courses
in health-related subjects. Prior to her dedication to health promotion, she worked
for years as a biologist primarily in nature conservation. She lives with her family
on a Canadian wilderness farm and focuses on further research about health, nature,
and traditional ways. E-mail: [email protected], Homepage:
www.salutogenesis-shamanism.com

Cate Curtis (Ph.D., BSocSc(Hons I), BA) was born in New Zealand to Dutch
immigrants. She is a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of Waikato, where
she teaches social psychology. Building on previous work in the social service sector,
Cate’s research interests are broadly in the area of youth and women’s well-being. She
has published on suicidal behavior, non-suicidal self-injury, sexual abuse, antisocial
behavior, and forensic use of DNA and research methods. She is currently researching
constructions of risk and resilience in young women.

Sharon Louth graduated from the University of Queensland with a Bachelor of

Human Movement Studies Education and has spent over 20 years teaching health
and physical education in secondary schools and colleges, both in Australia and the
UK. She gained a master’s degree in work-based learning from the University of
Southern Queensland (USQ) and a Ph.D. from USQ which focused on embedding
Indigenous perspectives, encouraging physical activity and well-being, enabling
cooperation and collaboration, and enhancing self-efficacy, in children and their
teachers. Increasing educational outcomes for children in schools by formulating
education intervention programs to assist teachers to break down sociodemographic
barriers to success such as race and gender is both a strength and a passion of mine.
She has won the annual VC’s Community Engagement Award at USQ in 2011 and
2012 for her work with the Indigenous and low socioeconomic communities within
the Fraser Coast District. Future directions for her research involve in the creation
of teaching strategies which support both teachers and learners, both face to face
and online, to aspire to and achieve improved educational outcomes.
Editors and Contributors xv

Prof. Dr. Michelle May (D Litt Et Phil, University of South Africa) is a professor
at the Department of Industrial and Organizational Psychology at the University of
South Africa (UNISA). She is a registered clinical psychologist. Michelle received
extensive training in the field of group consultation, under which from ISLA and
the Tavistock Institute (UK), and has also consulted in various programs of this
nature—nationally and internationally. She has been part of the team who has
designed and planned the Robben Island diversity experience (RIDE) and has been
taken up the role of director, director of the training group, and associate director
from 2000 until 2014. She has also been part of the Group Relations workshops at
UNISA since 2000. For the last 10 years, Michelle have also contributed to the field
of diversity management in South Africa as lecturer, researcher, and consultant in
several organizations—her contributions have included publications in accredited
journals, book chapters, as well as presentations at national and international
conferences. She has chaired, consulted in, and designed many workshops in the
areas of diversity management and leadership development for organizations in the
public and private sectors.

Rebecca S. Merkin (Ph.D., Kent State University) conducts research focused on

communication in organizations; intercultural communication; sexual harassment in
the workplace; job satisfaction; and social interaction processes such as impression
management, identity, and facework communication. She has published articles in
numerous journals including the Atlantic Journal of Communication, International
Journal of Intercultural Communication Research, Journal of Behavioral and
Applied Management, Journal of Intercultural Communication, Journal of
International Women’s Studies, and International Journal of Intercultural Relations.
Professor Merkin has also given presentations on communication at conferences
of the Academy of Management, Eastern Communication Association, National
Communication Association, International Communication Association, and the
International Academy of Intercultural Research.

Neville Robertson (Ph.D., MSocSc, BA, DipPsych(Com)) is a Pākehā of Scottish

descent. He is a senior lecturer in Psychology at the University of Waikato where he
is co-convenor of the graduate program in community psychology. Much of
Neville’s research and professional work focuses on family violence. For many
years, he has facilitated stopping violence programmes, he has served on various
local and national family violence committees and conducted workshops and
seminars, and he has an extensive portfolio of family violence-related research,
particularly studies of institutional responses to men’s violence against women and
children. Other aspects of Neville’s work include anti-racism and Treaty of
Waitangi education and the evaluation of health and social service programmes.
Neville is a registered community psychologist.
xvi Editors and Contributors

Thomas Ryan is a Marist Catholic priest who lives in Brisbane, Australia. He is an

Honorary Fellow of the Faculty of Theology and Philosophy of the Australian
Catholic University and an adjunct associate professor of the School of Philosophy
and Theology of the University of Notre Dame Australia. Apart from chapters in
books, he has had numerous articles published in theological journals both national
and international.

Mrigaya Sinha has received Ph.D. and M.Phil. in clinical psychology from
NIMHANS which is recognized as an institute of national importance by the
Government of India for its contributions to mental health treatment, training, and
research. She has been working with individuals and couples for the past 12 yrs helping
them enhance their mental health through counseling and therapy. Her research
interests have been diverse ranging from exploring various dimensions of shyness in
college students in India to discovering psychosocial issues in women undergoing
infertility treatment. She has taught and trained postgraduates in psychology and is
deeply passionate about training and capacity building of mental health workers. More
recently, she has been engaged in advancing telemental health and expanding the reach
of mental health services to remote areas, especially in the Indian subcontinent. After
her recent move to the USA, she joined the Staunton Clinic in Pittsburgh,
Pennsylvania, as a postdoctoral intern as is working toward her licensure as an inde-
pendent clinical psychologist. Contact: [email protected]

Louise Tonelli is an industrial and organizational psychologist and lecturer within

the Department of Industrial and Organizational Psychology at the University of
South Africa (UNISA) one of the largest distance education institutions in the
world. As a member of the Society of Industrial and Organizational Psychology of
South Africa’s (SIOPSA) Interest Group in Systems Psychodynamics of
Organizations (IGSPO), her research interests lie in the unconscious/conscious
processes within individuals, organizations, and society as a whole.

Markus van Alphen was born 1960 in Pretoria, South Africa. He received his
school education in Pretoria and later moved to Cape Town, where he received his
degree in electrical and electronic engineering at the University of Cape Town and
studied two years toward a commerce degree. He worked several years as a con-
sulting electrical engineer and partner of a firm of consulting engineers before
moving to the Netherlands. His focus shifted to software development and from
there toward the human component, leading him to complete a master’s degree in
clinical psychology at the University of Amsterdam.
He currently lives in Slovenia and works as a worldwide therapist for individ-
uals, couples, and families using webcam technology. He is a trainer, lecturer, and
curriculum developer for undergraduate and postgraduate psychology and coun-
seling students at various colleges and universities in the Netherlands. He writes
educational books in the field of psychology for the Dutch publisher Boom and is
Editors and Contributors xvii

also a contributing author for various textbooks. As a restorative practitioner, he

works both hands-on, being called in to resolve incidents and to lead the process of
conflict resolution, as well as training others to implement the restorative approach.
As a researcher, he is currently associated with the Open Universiteit in Heerlen as
a Ph.D. candidate, where he is researching the development of empathy at various
stages of education in the field of clinical psychology.
Chapter 1
An Introduction to the Value
of Shame—Exploring a Health
Resource in Cultural Contexts

Elisabeth Vanderheiden and Claude-Hélène Mayer

1.1 Introduction

Scientists from various theoretical and disciplinary stances have described,

researched, studied and commented on the phenomenon of shame from various
perspectives, e.g. from the perspectives of psychology, social sciences, clinical
sociology, neurosciences and other disciplines (Andrieux 2012, 4). According to an
overview by Werden (2015, 14–15), detailed research in the various scientific
disciplines typically explore shame and its implications with reference to psycho-
analysis (Freud1961/1933; Hilgers 2013; Wurmser 2010), sociology (Elias 1976;
Scheff and Retzinger 1997; Marks 2010, 2011), psychology (Lewis 1971a, b, 1992,
2011; Tangney and Fischer 1995; Tangney and Dearing 2002), philosophy (Deonna
et al. 2012; Landweer 1999), ethnology (Lotter 2012), anthropology (Lietzmann
2007), and neuroscience (Highfield et al. 2009; Mendez 2009).
Within these various disciplines, both quantitative and qualitative studies have
been conducted, and statistical measures for shame, such as the Internalized Shame
Scale, ISS which is based on the trait–approach, have been developed. This means
that it is a measure of shame-proneness or internalised shame, rather than of the
effect of shame, as described in the ISS Technical Manual. The Compass of Shame
Scale, CoSS measures the use of the four shame-coping styles, namely Attack Self,
Withdrawal, Attack Other, and Avoidance (Harper 2011, 5). Other scales include,

E. Vanderheiden (&)
Rietburgstrasse 19a, 67354 Römerberg, Germany
e-mail: [email protected]
C.-H. Mayer
Institut für Therapeutische Kommunikation und Sprachgebrauch,
European University Viadrina, Frankfurt (Oder), Germany
e-mail: [email protected]
C.-H. Mayer
Department of Management, Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 1

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_1
2 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

for example, the Adapted Shame and Guilt Scale, ASGS, which consists of series of
adjectival expressions that are considered to be typical shame and guilt words, and
the Self-Conscious Affect and Attribution Inventory, SCAAI, which presents a
series of scenarios, some of which are negative and some which are positive. The
difference between the SCAAI and the ASGS is that the scenarios for the SCAAI
were generated by participants across different research studies, while the ASGS
was not (Harper 2011, 7). Obviously, most of these quantitative measures have
been developed in Western contexts, and several of them reproduced the
shame-guilt paradigm that has been promoted in the context of cultural research on
shame over the past decades since Benedict (1946) (see Bhawuk, Sinha, Louth,
Brennan, Roberton and Curtis as well as Mayer in this book).
Qualitative research on shame has also been conducted, exploring emic per-
spectives and the reasons for shame. However, Wong and Tsai (2007), argue that
most of the research is still Western-based and does not seem to view shame from
the viewpoint of emic and culture-specific perspectives. Mason, as well as Mayer
et al. (2017, in print) stress that in the past, shame has often been overlooked in
cultural research, or has only been explored somewhat superficially. Accordingly,
shame needs to be understood in the context of the embedding cultural framework,
with regard to its impact on social ranks, and in terms of identity goals. Besides the
often dominant Western discourse on shame, albeit in the context of anthropo-
logical and cultural research, Westermann emphasises the need for a more in-depth
approach in culture-specific research on shame. The importance of studying shame
in relation to culture is likewise argued for by Casmir and Schnegg (2002).
This book contains various chapters with theoretical discourses (May, van
Alphen and Ryan), culture-specific insights based on a literature review and anal-
ysis, empirical quantitative and qualitative studies (Bhawuk, Mayer and Ley, Buch,
Louth, Brennan, Robertson and Curtis and Merkin), and practical applications in
therapy and counselling (Sinha, van Alphen and Mayer). All of these perspectives
contribute to the overall aim of the book as described in the following section.

1.1.1 Objectives

The aim of this book is to synthesise empirical research-based and theoretical

perspectives on shame in various cultural contexts and from socio-cultural different
perspectives, to provide new insights and a more comprehensive cultural base for
contemporary research and practice in the context of shame. It therefore recom-
mends viewing shame, not only as an intimate and negatively experienced emotion
(Brown 2008, 2012; Freud 1961/1933; Tangney and Dearing 2002), but rather, to
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 3

explore it from the perspective of positive psychology, thus emphasising the pos-
itive potential of shame in selected contexts, such as those described in Wurmser
(2010), Deonna Rodogno and Teroni (2012) or Hilgers (2013). Thus, shame is not
limited to its challenging aspects and negative short- and long-term implications,
but is explored with regard to its positive impact as a potential health resource.
The aim of this introductory chapter is to define shame, culture and positive
psychology, and to explore the interrelationships holding between these topics and
disciplines with regard to shame. An in-depth discussion of shame as a potential
health resource in different contexts, is provided. This book will present the reader
with theoretical perspectives of shame and culture, as well as culture-specific
perceptions of shame, and includes chapters on the application of shame and culture
in therapeutic and counseling practices. Throughout the various chapters, shame is
presented as a culturally embedded concept and as a resource which can support the
personal and collective growth of individuals and cultural groups, thereby creating
mental health and well-being.
Traditionally, shame has been the subject of research primarily in the fields of
psychoanalysis and psychotherapy (Freud 1961/1933). The first attempts to create
an understanding of shame as a resource, were undertaken in the field of psy-
chology, as described in Wurmser (2010). In this book, the theoretical considera-
tions will focus on the psychological (see Sinha in this book) and psycho-social
dynamics perspectives respectively (c.f. May in this book). The theoretical per-
spectives will be followed by observations from selected cultural and national
domains, such as South Africa, India, New Zealand, Australia, and Northern
America. Additionally, we will explore the application of shame and culture in
therapeutical and counselling practices.

1.1.2 The Positive Psychology Framework

Emotions have significant meaning in the life of an individual as well as in col-

lective groups (Lewis 1992, 2011). Emotions are strongly connected to an indi-
vidual’s health and well-being. Additionally, health and functional capacity, in
terms of an individual’s physical, mental and social abilities, form the basis of the
quality of life and the ability of the individual to function optimally within a
particular socio-cultural context. Health depends on individual perceptions,
including the emotions, as well as on the capacity to deal with health challenges and
stress. Thus, health is not only a physical phenomenon, but is a vital social and
individual construct within a particular socio-cultural context. It is inter-related with
“the subjective well-being and the health-oriented behaviour of a person” (Bengel
et al. 2001, 15), and is regarded as a protective factor against trauma reactions.
Shame has been identified as a very complex and powerful emotion and has been
researched from various standpoints and within the context of different
health-related paradigms. In this book, it is argued that, in order to use shame in a
4 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

healthy and development-oriented way that will contribute towards a healthy

self-image, a paradigm shift is needed in the research of this emotion. This argu-
ment is based on the notion that, over the past several years, health research has
undergone major paradigm shifts, and health itself has been (re-)defined as a “state
of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, and not merely [as] the absence
of disease or infirmity”. Since this definition also includes the physical and
psychological dimensions of health, the importance of emotions as (cognitive)
psychological constructs, need to be considered as health-relevant concepts.
Although, in Western medical discourses in particularly, health is often still viewed
purely from the physical health perspective, this book focuses on one specific
emotion, i.e. shame, as an important psychological factor and potential health
resource which, in the past, has often been neglected, ignored or avoided in the
context of health sciences.
Scientific approaches to exploring health and well-being relate to different health
paradigms, such as the biomedical, the salutogenic and the fortigenic paradigms, all
of which form part of the broader framework of positive psychology. These three
paradigms will be referred to in the following sections, and we will explain why a
shift in paradigms is needed in research on, and in terms of the work being done
with regard to shame. In the context of creating healthy lives, various risk and social
factors have long been identified and include, for example, areas such as culture,
education, nutrition, health behaviour and emotions. The individual’s health and the
health of the community, depend on the collective ability to manage these health
factors, including the individual’s personal lifestyle.
The biomedical paradigm is usually referred to as a traditional concept in health
research and practice, which, in turn, is based on the concept of pathogenesis,
which focuses primarily on the origins of illness and disease (e.g. Wells and
Ashizawa 2006). Within the biomedical paradigm, terms such as disease, disorder,
morbidity and illness are commonly used to define abnormal, and often
negatively-judged health conditions, but based purely on physical dysfunctions that
are usually associated with specific malfunctioning symptoms. Disease is therefore
assumed to be caused exclusively by deviations from the norm in terms of physical,
or even psychological, dysfunctions.
In the past, medical, as well as social and behavioural sciences, have studied
health by focusing on pathologies, i.e. on health issues with regard to unhappiness,
dissatisfaction, distress and illness (Nelson and Simmons 2003; for further dis-
cussion see Sinha, in this book). Traditionally, shame has been studied mainly from
a pathological and biomedical research paradigm. This model, however, no longer
offers an adequate approach for the study of shame in the context of health or the
promotion of health.
Over the past few decades, however, the positive psychology framework has
become a growing field of interest in health-related research (Seligman and
Csikszentmihalyi 2000), including theoretical approaches such as salutogenesis,
which is defined as the study of the development and maintenance of health
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 5

(Antonovsky 1979, 1987), and fortigenesis, defined as the study of strength and
positive health.
According to Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi (2000), and Sheldon and King
(2001), positive psychology is the scientific study of ordinary, positive, subjective
human strengths, virtues, experiences and functions. It emphasises the change from
a function of healing to a function of building “positive qualities” (Seligman and
Csikszentmihalyi 2000, 5). This change in perspective in the health sciences has
resulted in an increased interest in both the measurement and the improvement of
health.
Shame, as an intimate, often negatively experienced emotion, is seldom related
to health concepts which are based on the positive psychology framework. Only in
recent research and practice has the focus shifted to include this particular per-
spective. This shift from viewing shame merely as a construct of the pathogenic and
biomedical paradigms, to viewing it within framework of positive psychology, will
be described in the following section.

1.1.3 From a Pathological to a Health-Related

Concept of Shame

From various interdisciplinary and cultural perspectives, shame has often been
associated with psychopathology and psychopathological concepts (Gilbert et al.
2004; Jaffe et al. 2014). Thus, it has frequently been associated with concepts such
as addiction (O’Connor et al. 1994), narcissism (Morrison 1989), depression
(Andrews et al. 2002), neurosis (Lewis 1971a, b), external or social anxiety (Li
et al. 2003) or other immune-related problems (Mills 2005). Moreover, research
(Qian et al. 2001) has shown that shame is associated with emotions of intense
self-denial, a dependence on external appraisal, feelings or worthlessness and
powerlessness, and has resulted in behaviours such as concealing deficiencies and
resorting to escape-mechanisms in difficult situations.
In the literature, shame has been reported as being a type of negative emotion,
frequently accompanied by negative introspection and self-evaluation (Qian et al.
2001). Proneness to shame is seen as playing an important role in psychopathology
(Lewis 1971a, b), as well as in physical health, and various meta-analytical studies
have been undertaken on shame and depressive symptoms. Shame has also been
classified as an affective component of subjective well-being with negative affect.
From a psychopathological perspective, individuals often resort to different
kinds of behaviour in response to shame, such as hypersexual behaviour, eating
disorders, withdrawing in relationships, and even attacking others or self (Hilgers
2013; Wurmser 2010).
A study by Mosquera et al. (1995) indicated that the experience of shame led to
verbal disapproval of the wrongdoer’s behaviour in honour-oriented participants,
6 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

and to withdrawal among non-honour-oriented participants, in order to protect the

social image.
According to Scheff (2013), shame is also connected to feelings of rejection, and
research on shame often highlights topics such as fear of rejection, disrespect,
stigma, honour cultures, and revenge, due to the fact that shame is a taboo topic in
many cultures.
Shame is constitutive and has been described as “the crippling burden of a
thousand pitiless eyes” (Wurmser 2015, 165). Additionally, shame, as an emotion,
leads to questioning of the self within the context of self and others. According to
Tracy and Robins (2004), shame is described as an important intimate emotion that
involves the negative evaluation of the self in the context of others. From a psy-
choanalytic perspective, Wurmser (2015) identifies two relevant aspects of shame.
He highlights the following with regard to both of these points:
Shame is, first, the fear of disgrace. It is the anxiety one has in fearing to be looked at with
contempt for having dishonored oneself — a danger looming: “I am afraid that exposure is
imminent and hence terrible humiliation”. Second, it is the feeling one has when one is
looked at with scorn — the feared event having happened. In its second form, it is the affect
of contempt directed against the self — by others or by one’s own conscience (Wurmser
2015, 6).

From this perspective, shame is viewed in the context of dishonour, fear and
contempt for an individual by the collective conscience. However, in conjunction
with shame being viewed in the context of fear and other negatively-judged con-
cepts, shame also appears to include a protecting element, which is a common
human trait. Thus shame may also be seen in the context of respect, as described in
the following excerpt:
Third, shame is almost the antithesis of the second concept, as in: “Don’t you know any
shame?” It is an overall character trait preventing disgraceful exposure, a shield of
humanity and civility. It is an attitude of respect toward others and toward oneself, a stance
of reverence …This third form of shame as attitude, as reaction formation, can be viewed as
a much more general protection mechanism against broad-based wishes for expression and
perception, thus guarding the privacy and intimacy of the self. Therefore, being treated with
contempt for one’s identity, for one’s needs, will, and judgment, is profoundly shaming
(Wurmser 2015, 7).

With regard to this third notion of shame, it may be viewed as a protecting

attitude, guarding the privacy and intimacy of the self, thereby balancing the
expression and perception of wishes. In this way, shame acts as a boundary marker,
as an identity-defining concept (Mascolo and Fischer 1985) which predominantly
relates to the self, but is embedded in the surrounding cultural framework and social
ranks (Clark and Nichols 2016).
From a clinical, organisational and counselling perspective, Andrieux (2012),
highlights the challenging aspects of shame, and anchors the concept within “the
self” and “the other”, due to the fact that the individual is considered as inadequate
and unable to create a positive image in the eyes of others. Andrieux characterizes
shame as a universal emotion, affecting all spheres of life, i.e. body, sexuality,
morality, social life, and identity in its personal as well as in its social aspects
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 7

(Andrieux 2012, 4). She concludes that shame is a painful, intense and holistic
concept that is often experienced as a burden and as a mainly negative connotated
sensation. Reactions to shame include predominantly avoidance and overcompen-
sation, competition or self-centeredness. At the same time, shame and shame
reactions typically display physical markers and expressions, as described in the
following section.
Given the ubiquity of shame as a bodily, emotional and social reality, studies
across different disciplines indicate that there is ‘something terribly important in
shame—it is human to feel and to do it well’ (Ryan 2016, in this book). All humans
blush. If the gagging reflex is an instinctual function to save the species from
poisoning itself, why not shame? Its innateness in our bodies and its organising
impact on social relations suggest that we are, by nature, social beings (Ryan 2016,
in this book). Of course, she acknowledges, we cannot disregard cultural differences
or the risk of promoting a Western model of affect. ‘Essentialist or ethnocentric
epithets hover in the air’ (Ryan and Buch 2016, in this book).
Probyn and Aquinas (Ryan 2016, in this book) agree that ‘blushing is the body
calling out its interest’. The body is a register of the whole person, not just spatially,
psychologically, and socially, but also morally. There is a convergence between
shame, values, and well-being, both personal and social. It is summed up by Gerald
Coleman who states: ‘Since our capacity to know what we are feeling and to
experience those feelings, is rooted in bodily experience, to be ambivalent about or
alienated from our bodies is to be estranged from ourselves’ (Ryan 2016, in this
book).
The fact that shame finds an expression, particularly in external—and not readily
manipulable—features, may be an important reason why shame is usually conno-
tated negatively (Lewis 1992, 2011). Research has focused on shame in the context
of its physical expression. Alfready Darwin (1872), the English naturalist and
geologist of the 19th century, regarded blushing as a characteristic that distin-
guishes humans from other animals. He described blushing as “the most peculiar
and the most human of all expressions” (Darwin 1872, 328), and thereby under-
stood blushing from an universalistic viewpoint. Darwin defined blushing as ‘not
too manipulable’ (Darwin 1872, 328).
In the tradition of this argument, the American pediatrist and psychiatrist
Michael Lewis, emphasised that shame is reflected in physical symptoms like “a
shrinking of the body as though to disappear from the eye of the self or the other”.
Additionally, external symptoms like casting down the eyes or dropping the eyelids
or the head, and sometimes even lowering the entire upper body, are described by
Tomkins (2008, 352). Kaufman (1989) highlights staring at the floor and averting
eye contact as further nonverbal shame indicators.
Greiner (2014) places the physical aspects of shame in a wider context, by
stating:
8 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

Shame therefore is an involuntary reflex and has to do with the ability to perceive oneself as
a moral subject. However, shame does not spring from an act of will, it is not the result of a
balanced rationally-accompanied self-criticism, but is a sudden and forceful outcome that is
beyond my power and penetrates deep into my soul. This manifests itself, for example, in
blushing (Greiner 2014, 24; translated by the authors).

Since shame is often still researched within the context of a pathological para-
digm, the related concepts, i.e. the physical experiences which accompany shame,
are commonly described as negative experiences.
At the same time, shame is frequently confused with other similar concepts, such
as embarrassment and guilt, which are commonly associated with, referred to and
delimited with regard to shame, these notions also need to be considered as
important emotional and psychological constructs which are equally based within
the realms of different health paradigms and frameworks.

1.2 Shame, Embarrassment and Guilt in the Context

of Health Paradigms

1.2.1 The Origin of the Word Shame

The origin of the word shame remains somewhat unclear. It can be traced back,
however, to the Old English expressions “sc(e)amu (noun), and sc(e)amian ‘feel
shame’.” It is of Germanic origin and is related to the Dutch word schamen (verb)
and the German expressions Scham (noun), and schämen (verb) (Oxford
Dictionary).
Some reference works trace the root of the word, from an etymological per-
spective, to the Indo-European word “skam”, and even the pre-Teutonic root
“skem”, which both mean “covering” or “covering oneself” (Harper 2011, 1 and
Buch, in this book).

1.2.2 Shame and Embarrassment

Although some researchers have suggested that there is essentially no difference

between shame and embarrassment (Kaufman 1989; Lewis 1971a, b in Robbins
and Parlavecchio 2006, 330), many others define the aspect of publicity as a major
difference between shame and embarrassment. This emphasises the fact that shame
is associated with the contravention of norms and values with which the person
concerned identifies personally. Embarrassment, however, means that only gener-
ally accepted rules of behaviour have been violated (Döring 2015, 35).
Against the background of European history, sociologist Elias (1939, 1978)
proposes that shame and related concepts, such as embarrassment and humiliation
are dominant emotions in modern societies. At the same time, they seem to be taboo
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 9

subject. Scheff and Retzinger (1997) regard humiliation as a shame variant. They
recommend a wider definition and are opposed to the idea that shame is only about
a serious crisis, dishonour or the loss of honour. Shame, according to Scheff and
Retzinger (1997), usually does not stem from crises and does not implicitly include
dishonour, but rather embarrassment. The broad definition of shame suggested by
these authors, views shame as a continuum of shame-intensity ranging between the
daily, less intense, short-lived feelings of shame such as awkwardness, and the type
of shame that is painful and enduring. It usually gives rise to general indignation
and constitutes a type that can be labelled dishonouring or humiliating shame.
Scheff and Retzinger (1997), suggest that a first step towards a scientific definition
of shame would be to use shame as a collective name for a large family of emotions
that appear when regarding oneself negatively, even if only slightly negatively,
through the eyes of another, or even simply the expectation of such a reaction. Such
a step would include less intense forms of shame, as well as more intense ones.
Forms and related concepts of shame include embarrassment and guilt, but within
the context of shame, and this leads to a better understanding of shame as a
contextualised concept, as will be elaborated in the following section.
Authors, such as Miller and Tangney (1994), point out that the dimension of
intensity is the most significant distinction between shame and embarrassment.
Robbins and Parlavecchio (2006) highlight several distinguishing characteristics
between shame and embarrassment, but refer to both concepts within the context of
general pathology:
Shame was reported to be more intense and enduring, and was regarded as more immoral
and lead to feelings such as disgust and anger toward the self, whereas embarrassing
situations were felt to be more surprising, were about relatively more trivial events, and
were more related to humorous feelings (Robbins and Parlavecchio 2006, 300–332).

Referring to Tangney et al. (1996), the two psychologists Robbins and

Palarvecchio, highlight some additional distinctions between shame and embar-
rassment, not unlike the distinction holding between shame and guilt, by under-
lining that embarrassment more often occurs before larger audiences who were
likely to be either acquaintances or strangers, if not peers or equals (Robbins and
Parlavecchio 2006, 330). Unlike guilt, shame is more commonly associated with
the immediate emotional environment. In this context they consider embarrassment
as less negative, more fleeting, and more likely to involve physiological reactions
such as blushing due to the fact that it has fewer moral implications (Robbins and
Parlavecchio 2006, 330). Therefore, embarrassment is regarded as less likely to
give rise to reactions such as taking responsibility for reparations, concern with
other’s negative evaluations, or attempts to hide, and may even be experienced as
surprising, accidental, and amusing (Robbins and Parlavecchio 2006, 331).
For Michael Lewis, embarrassment is but one element of the “set of the four
self-conscious emotions” (Lewis 2011, 2). These self-conscious emotions, i.e.
shame, guilt, embarrassment and pride, are defined as emotions which are directly
related to our sense of self and our consciousness of others’ reactions to us.
According to Lewis, embarrassment, as a complex emotion, first emerges when a
10 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

child’s sense of self-awareness starts to focus on the idea of “me” (Lewis 2011, 2),
and this is due to the fact that at this point, the child comes to understand that it is
the object of another’s attention. The attention of others acts as a trigger of
embarrassment.
From a communication-scientistic view, Döring (2015) prefers another approach
and introduces several new elements to the debate on embarrassment. Based on her
research on stag parties, she branded embarrassment mainly as a communicative
phenomenon. She believes that a distinction should be made between the external
and internal event level. Her theory contains three major elements of embarrass-
ment, namely self-exposure, discrepancy in regard to the self-image, and an
awareness of exposure (Döring 2015, 227). Additionally, she suggests that
embarrassment can be associated with a conscious staging of a wilful causation and
celebration (Döring 2015, 220–221).

1.2.3 Shame and Guilt

According to Korczak (2013, 11–39), the delimitation between shame and guilt has
been the subject of philosophical discourses as far back as the classical antiquity.
This debate, however, has gained momentum over the last century.
In parallel with the discourses on shame and embarrassment, including their
various distinctions and similarities, Tangney and Dearing (2002) conducted vari-
ous empirical studies on the dichotomic concepts of shame and guilt, thus following
in the tradition of Benedict (1946). They contrast shame, which they define as a
destructive and immobilising emotion (since it can be paralysing and may cause an
individual to withdraw from society), with guilt, which, from their perspective, is
more positive since it is related much closer to a need for reparation, compensation
or good intentions. They regard guilt in a positive light because it can contribute in
a positive manner to successful human interaction, whereas shame, particularly if it
results in punishment, could have catastrophic consequences for a child’s devel-
opment (Tangney and Dearing 2002).
In his reflections, Sigmund Freud focuses primarily on guilt, rather than on
shame, which he understood as strongly connected with sexuality. According to
Freud, the ego ideal is made up of ideal representations, grandiose fantasies, and
parental representations, and shame occurs when people perceive that they have
failed to approximate their ego ideal. He defines guilt as tension that results from
crossing the barrier of the super-ego (Freud 1930, 496 in Werden 2015, 50). As a
major difference between shame and guilt, Freud describes guilt as based on
internalisation values in contrast to shame, which is based on disapproval coming
from the outside, i.e. from another person.
In terms of Freud’s definitions, Piers and Singer (1971) developed their par-
ticular view of the contradistinction between shame and guilt in the 1950s.
Following Freud’s definition on the connection of guilt to the super-ego, Piers
similarly defined guilt as a negative emotion in referring to the “painful internal
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 11

tension generated whenever the emotionally highly-charged barrier erected by the

Super-Ego is being touched or transgressed” (Piers and Singer 1971, 16).
However, in contrast to Freud, Piers describes shame as representing a tension
between the ego and the super-ego. For Piers, shame and guilt are both intrapersonal
tensions, but, while guilt is explained as conflict between the ego and the super-ego,
shame results from a conflict between the ego and the ego-ideal (Werden 2015, 69).
Furthermore, from Piers’ perspective, the main distinction between shame and guilt is
the fact that guilt is connected to transgressions, whereas shame is related to unat-
tained goals and the failure to live up to expectations (Werden 2015, 69).
Piers identified one primary commonality between shame and guilt—both
enable individual social adjustment insofar as both can be seen as highly important
mechanisms to ensure socialisation of the individual (Piers and Singer 1971, 53).
Helen Block Lewis agrees with Piers’ and Singer’s approach but prefers a
distinct perspective—her main focus is the object of shame and guilt. Building on
Piers’ approach, Block Lewis thus suggests a stronger relationship between the
super-ego and the ego-ideal:
The ‘sense’ of guilt’ and the ‘ego-ideal’ are two categories of attitudes which are commonly
described as the content of what is internalized as a result of identification, and constitute
the super-ego (Lewis 1971a, b, 21).

As major difference between shame and guilt, Block Lewis defines the focus of
guilt or shame experiences in more detail. She stresses the importance of the
concept of self, while differentiating shame from guilt. While shame focuses on the
self as the central object, but simultaneously on the self as the subject of the shame
experience, guilt is only related to a single executed or non-executed action (Lewis
1971a, b, 30). This approach was subsequently expressed as follows by Tangney
and Dearing as:
“I did a horrible thing” (shame) versus behavior “I did a horrible thing” (guilt)“ (Tangney
and Dearing 2002, 18).

In contrast to Freud, Piers and Singer, Block Lewis understands shame much more
as a resource: the super-ego is seen not only as a restrictive instance, but as a regu-
lative from which restrictive as well as strengthening and encouraging impulses arise.
Michael Lewis agrees with some of Block Lewis’ definitions but adds his own
specific developmental psychological approach in defining both shame and guilt as
self-conscious emotions which appear in the second half of the second year of life
when the emergence of self awareness gives rise to such emotions as embarrass-
ment, empathy and jealousy (Lewis 2011, 1). Lewis summarises this as follows in a
cognitive-attributional model (Lewis 2011, 1) (Table 1.1).
In terms of this model, Lewis classifies shame as a predominantly negative and
painful emotion. He stresses the connection between the evaluation of the indi-
vidual’s actions in regard to the own SRGs (standards, rules and goals) and the
global evaluation of the self. Feeling shame creates a desire to hide, disappear or
die. In contrast to guilt, shame is not produced by any specific situation, but rather
by a person’s personal interpretation of an event (Lewis 2011, 2). Additionally,
12 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

Table 1.1 Michael Lewis— A. Standards and rules

cognitive-attributional model
B. Evaluation
(Lewis 2011, 65)
Success Failure C. Attribution of self
Hubris Shame Global
Pride Guilt/Regret Specific

guilt arises when a particular behaviour is evaluated as a failure, but with the focus
on the specific features of the self, or on a specific action that led to the failure. By
contrast, shame arises when the global self, i.e. the individual, focuses on the self’s
subsequent actions and behaviours which are likely to repair the failure. Because
this cognitive-attributional process focuses on the action of the self rather than on
the totality of the self, the feeling that is produced, namely guilt, is not as intensely
negative as shame, and does not lead to confusion (Lewis 2011, 2).
Lewis develops the following complete phenomenology of shame and guilt
(Table 1.2).
Tangney and Dearing’s (2002) specific approach to shame and guilt focuses on
the importance they ascribe to interpersonal relationships, as well as on the fact that
they include the aspect of moral emotions, which they define as central moral
emotions, and which act as a regulating moral behavioural code in harmony with
commonly accepted moral standards (Tangney et al. 2007, 345–372). Since these
emotions function as an “emotional moral barometer, providing immediate and
salient feedback on our social and moral acceptability”, they can strongly impact
the individual’s sense of self-worth (Tangney et al. 2007, 345–372).
With reference to Helen Block Lewis and Michael Lewis, Tangney and Dearing
(2002, 25) summarise the following as common characteristics of shame and guilt:
• both fall into the class of ‘moral’ emotions
• both are self-conscious, self-referential emotions
• both are negatively valenced emotions
• both involve internal attributions of one sort or another
• both are typically experienced in interpersonal contexts
• the negative events that give rise to both shame and guilt are highly similar
(frequently involving failures or transgressions) (Tangney and Dearing 2002, 25).
Despite these common elements, several disparities are noticeable as well
(Table 1.3).
From a more philosophical and interdisciplinary perspective, Julien Deonna,
Raffaele Rodogno, and Fabrice Teroni take a more critical stance on the traditional
characterisation of shame as a purely social emotion with its concomitant negative
side effects (Deonna et al. 2012) by adding a cultural aspect to the discussion.
Firstly, according to their understanding, the individual in a shameful situation
tends to violate group standards much more than personal norms. Secondly, they
doubt that the inner self is bared by shameful behaviour. From their perspective, it
is only the public self that is exposed. Thirdly, by feeling shame, the individual
reflects primarily on the perspective of others (Deonna et al. 2012, 27–29).
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 13

Table 1.2 Summary of the phenomenology of shame and guilt (Lewis, 113 in appendices, 45)
Phenomenology of shame and guilt
Stimulus Disappointment, defeat or moral Moral transgression
transgression
Deficiency of self Event, thing for which self
is responsible
Involuntary; self unable, as in Voluntary; self able
unrequited love
Encounter with ‘other’ or within the self Within the self
Conscious content Painful emotion Affect may or may not be
present
Autonomic responses: rage, blushing, Autonomic responses less
tears pronounced
Global characteristics of self Specific activities of self
Identity thoughts; ‘internal theatre’ No identity thoughts
Position of self in Self passive Self active
field Self-focal in awareness Self-absorbed in action or
thoughts
Self-imaging and consciousness; Self-intact, functioning
multiple functions of self silently
Vicarious experience of other’s Pity; concern of welfare
negative view of self
Nature and discharge Humiliated fury Righteous indignation
of hostility Discharge blocked by guilt and/or love Discharge on self and other
of ‘other’
Characteristic Depression; hysteria ‘affect disorder’ Obsessional; paranoid
symptoms thought disorder
Shame variants: humiliation, mortification, embarrassment, chagrin, shyness
Guilt variants: responsibility, obligation, fault, blame

Their understanding of shame focuses on the interdependence of shame, values

and identity. In contrast to shame, the focus of guilt is not on the own inability, but
on the own action as a norm transgression. In their view, guilt differs from shame in
that the evaluative focus, in the case of guilt, is limited exclusively to moral action,
while shame has a much broader perspective (Deonna et al. 2012, 114).
Accordingly, they highlight the following four relevant aspects:
(a) shame differs from guilt in being a social emotion;
(b) shame, in contrast to guilt, affects the whole self;
(c) shame is linked with ideals, whereas guilt concerns prohibitions, and
(d) shame is oriented towards the self, guilt towards others.
14 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

Table 1.3 Differences between shame and guilt (Tangney and Dearing 2002, 25)
Focus of evaluation Global self: “I did that horrible thing” Specific behaviour: “I did
that horrible thing”
Degree of distress Generally more painful than guilt Generally less painful
than shame
Phenomenological Shrinking, feeling small, feeling Tension, remorse, regret
experience worthless, powerless
Operation of ‘self’ Self ‘split’ into observing and observed Unified self intact
‘selves’
Impact of ‘self’ Self impaired by global devaluation Self unimpaired by global
devaluation
Concern vis-á-vis the Concern with others’ evaluation Concern with one’s effect
‘other’ on others
Counterfactual Mentally undoing some aspect of the Mentally undoing some
processes self aspect of behaviour
Motivational features Desire to hide, escape, or strike back Desire to confess,
apologize or repair

In their concept of shame, Deonna, Rodogno and Teroni stress the importance of
the autonomy of shame based on the idea that people tend to judge against their
own values. Such personal autonomy is nevertheless subject to certain cultural
conditions, and following one’s personal autonomy therefore requires, not only
making decisions, but making decisions in terms of one’s own identity and taking
responsibility for them (Deonna et al. 2012, 127). This requires a certain degree of
self-respect—an important health resource—which is generated during childhood
and developed throughout life.
The following section explains how shame is formed and developed from
childhood to adulthood, and why the management of shame is important in terms of
a healthy and nontoxic view of shame.

1.3 Formation and Development of Shame

Some researchers, like Wurmser (2010, 2015), Lewis (2011) and Hilgers (2013),
emphasise that; Sinha and Buch, in this book) childhood experiences are critical
determinants in the development of either a healthy, or a toxic perception of shame.
Numerous researchers—particularly in Western countries—have explored the issue
of how shame arises from a developmental perspective. Some of these views are
referred to in the following paragraphs.
Shame develops in the early childhood and lasts throughout the entire human life
(Hilgers 2013, 16; Sinha, in this book). Thus, shame is not explicitly tied to specific life
stages nor limited to them. However, shame can manifest differently in different stages
of life. Additionally, shame does not appear to be linked to certain triggers. The different
manifestations of shame are often a by-product of a particular era and depend on the
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 15

Zeitgeist. What an individual, a group or a society regard as shameful behaviour, is often

related to the thinking and feeling of a particular era, the prevailing norms, and the
cultural, political and economical conditions.
In terms of his developmental-stage theory, Erikson (1968) locates the first
occurrence of shame as taking place as early as in the second of the eight stages of
identity crises experienced by humans through the typical life cycle—i.e. it first
appears during the toddler stage (autonomy vs. shame and doubt), which occurs
between 2 and 3 years of age. At this time the child becomes more mobile and
begins to assert its independence by walking away from the caretaker, by selecting
which toy to play with, and by making choices about what it wants to wear, eat, etc.
The child also discovers that it has various skills and abilities, such as putting on its
clothes and shoes, playing with toys, etc. Such skills reinforce the child’s growing
sense of independence and autonomy. Erikson views it as vital that parents allow a
child to explore the limits of its own abilities in an encouraging environment that is
tolerant of failure. He also indicates that this stage has an important impact on
willpower and self-control. If, during this stage, a child is encouraged and sup-
ported in terms of its growing sense of independence, it becomes more confident
and secure in its own ability to survive in society. By contrast, if the child is
criticised, overly controlled, or not given the opportunity to assert itself, it begins to
feel insecure in its ability to survive, and may then become overly dependent on
others, develop low self-esteem, and experience a sense of shame or doubt in its
own abilities. Erikson (1968) regards the origins and development of shame as
directly related to the anal stage and to “toilet training”. The outcome of this
toilet-training stage is a sense of either autonomy, or of shame and doubt.
In their research, Tangney and Dearing (2002) also found that guilt or
shame-proneness, appears to develop quite early in childhood. Their research
showed that adolescents’ guilt and shame proneness remained very stable from the
age of 10 to 18.
Michael Lewis highlights the connection between shame formation and the devel-
opment of self-consciousness. He postulates that the self-conscious-emotions (SRGs)
arise during the third year of life when the child begins to integrate with its family and
peers. This new capacity gives rise to a new set of emotions, one of which may be termed
self-conscious evaluative emotions. This includes a new form of embarrassment as well
as of guilt, shame, pride and hubris. In this context, Lewis defines embarrassment as a
less intense form of shame. The child experiences embarrassment in the company of
others when it violates the SRG of the culture (Lewis 2011, 2).
The American psychologist and social-worker-couple, Ron and Pat Potter-Efron,
offer two explanations on the occurrence of shame in the earliest stages of child-
hood (Potter-Efron and Potter-Efron 1989). Firstly, they highlight the predisposition
toward shame as displayed by the child in an attempt to minimise uncomfortable
stimulation by looking away or by losing interest. Secondly, they assert that shame
develops during the first two years of life due to the development of verbal and
non-verbal communication. Thus, they conclude that children are born with dif-
ferent capacities toward shame, with some infants probably being much more
sensitive than others to those feelings. The parents and caretakers influence the
16 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

child by either shaming or by appreciating it (Potter-Efron and Potter-Efron 1989,

63–64). German psychoanalyst Hilgers agrees with this view.
Hilgers (2013, 16), suggests that shame develops in early childhood and
accompanies individuals all through their lives. In this sense, shame is not a priority
pathological emotion nor is it tied to a particular phase of life, either with regard to
its origin from a developmental perspective, or in terms of its trigger mechanisms.
Every phase of life experiences shame emotions, but they can manifest differently
in different ages, e.g. an infant with special needs which remain unanswered, or an
ageing individual who feels shame due to various physical restrictions and the loss
of autonomy. Hilgers stresses that shame and pride have decisive regulatory
functions with regard to individual development. And due to the fact that there is no
explicit shame phase, from a developmental psychological perspective, and no self
state which can be held liable for shame specifically, no shame emotion can be
identified per se (Hilgers 2013, 16). Individuals gain their initial shame experiences
in relation to their primary attachment figures, e.g. their parents (Hilgers 2013, 293),
and therefore, the incentive to cope with challenges and transform shame into pride,
depends on the family of origin. Hilgers underlines that shame is not bound to a
particular development stage and that, once shame has emerged, it remains
throughout life as an experiential and behavioural option (Hilgers 2013, 296).
Based on Stern, Lichtenberg and others, and in accord with current findings in
infant and affect research, Hilgers (2013, 293) indicates that the first precursory
manifestations of shame—like embarrassment—may already be observed in infants
from around 4 to 5 months of age. However, stronger shame reactions occurring as
an expression of an already developed concept of self, typically manifests from the
age of six. In this context, Hilgers also takes into consideration the fact that there
are gender differences and other relevant cultural factors and values which equally
influence shame development (see Sinha as well, in this book).
Concerning the development of shame, the German social scientist Stephan
Marks (2010, 39–40), places the emergence of shame much earlier by indicating
that shame starts to appear about the middle of the first year after birth when the
capacity for objective self-consciousness and self-evaluation becomes manifest.
This ability is shaped through previous experience, particularly through experiences
in association with the child’s primary caretakers. With reference to Wurmser, who
refers to the precursors of shame which are developed during the first months of
life, Marks emphasises that shame is profoundly influenced by early parent-child
communication. This communication happens primarily through visual and phys-
ical contact. Marks therefore identifies shame as a potential health resource. He
identifies a healthy level of self-confidence (“healthy shame”) as the basis for being
able to process shame experiences in a constructive way later in life. Alternatively,
negative parent-child communication will result in low self-esteem, in which case
shame experiences will be internalised through the collapse of self-esteem, and as
existentially threatening crises (“pathological shame”) (Marks 2010, 39). In terms
of a coherent self-experience (Marks 2010, 39–40) in early childhood, acceptance
and appreciation, i.e. to be seen and to be smiled at, is of significant importance.
The newborn child is helpless and has an existential need for recognition,
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 17

protection, belonging and integrity. For the development of either healthy or

pathological shame, it is crucial—according to Marks—that the existential interests
of the child be answered by parents or caregivers. The following ideal-typical
confrontations are not about individual experiences, but about durable relationship
patterns, e.g.:
• The precursors of healthy shame are positively reinforced to the extent that early
parent-child communication on the whole is successful, i.e. that the child is
mirrored in a loving manner and experiences that it is safe, protected and
supplied with loving care;
• When the child experiences love and acceptance unconditionally—despite some
“less favourable” feelings such as sadness, frustration, pain or anger—it will
nevertheless develop a healthy sense of shame; and
• Similarly, when the child learns that its limitations are recognised and accepted,
it will develop a secure attachment to its caregivers, accompanied by a basic
sense of trust.
On the other hand, the precursors of pathological shame are reinforced to the
extent that the early parent-child communication is disrupted, e.g.:
• This typically occurs when the child’s boundaries are not respected, e.g. when
the parents are overly-intrusive by treating the child as a mere object, or when
the child becomes emotionally, physically or sexually victimised by the parents;
• When the child is shamed, humiliated, neglected or disregarded, as if it is not
wanted; and
• When the child is rejected, punished or ostracised, its feelings of inadequacy
will become manifest in signs of helplessness (“weakness”) and pain.

If the child, through physical violence or the withdrawal of love, experiences that it is not
worthy of being loved because of who it is, its feelings of inadequacy will be reinforced.
Similarly, when parents behave in an emotionally unpredictable manner in being “now
near, now far“, the child will fail to develop a sense of confidence in having someone
present to nurture, maintain and protect it (Marks 2010, 40, translated by the authors).

In this context, Marks (2010) believes that it is important to point out the
pathological process of shame-development which can be caused by the failure of
individual parents to instil a sense of self-worth in the child. Often, however, the
parents’ behaviour is closely associated with social, economic or historical factors
or circumstances.
The American psychoanalyst Masters (2016, 3), highlights childhood as a vitally
important period when the fine line between healthy and pathological shame can be
crossed quite easily and either result in benefitting the child—if it experiences
shame positively—or it can debilitate and harm the child if it is subjected to a
pathological perception of shame. Even if both healthy and unhealthy shame
interrupt, expose, and deflate individuals, the ultimate effect will be different in each
case According to Masters, healthy shame can empower individuals to take healing
18 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

action, whereas individuals experiencing toxic shame, will tend to disempower

themselves by resorting to escape mechanisms, or by engaging in compensatory
activities. In healthy shame, individuals tend to set things right and express their
remorse, whereas in unhealthy shame, individuals tend to freeze, flee or flagellate
themselves (Masters 2016, 4). Masters concludes:
Healthy shame mobilizes us, and unhealthy shame immobilizes us. Healthy shame triggers
our conscience, whereas unhealthy shame triggers our inner critic, which often masquer-
ades as our conscience (Masters 2016, 4).

Having focused on the development of shame, both with regard to healthy and
unhealthy manifestations, the following section presents selected categories of
shame proposed by various authors in an attempt to categorise shame experienced
by individuals, particularly in adulthood.

1.4 Categories of Shame

Within the framework of Western discourses on shame by various authors such as

Hilgers and others, Marks and Brown attempt to define various primary categories
of shame, each requiring a different approach. To provide insight into these cate-
gories within the typical Western framework, three systems of categorisations are
presented below.
In the context of his model of shame as a group of affects, Hilgers (2013, 26–28)
identifies the following categories of shame (c.f. Metz 2009) (Table 1.4).

Table 1.4 Micha Hilgers’ categories of shame (Hilgers 2013)

Shame category Definition
Existential shame (a) As a person being considered as undesirable or being marked with
a blemish
(b) Having the genuine impression of being invisible or to be
non-existent
Competence shame Individual lack of competences or of control; Is revealed (in public)
Intimacy shame Due to violation of intimacy or privacy
Disgrace Lack of dignity, loss of face, acute humiliation
Ideality shame (a) Discrepancy between self and ideal-self
(b) As result of culpable action
Shame Based on one’s own dependency on a relationship, falling out of a
desired relationship, unrequited love, perceived dependence from a
person subjectively regarded as important
Oedipal shame Experience of general rejection, feeling inferior or inadequate
Shame-guilt-dilemma Interrelation of guilt and shame appears as an unsolvable
intra-systemic conflict, either guilt or shame is felt: shame in case of a
failure towards own standards, value or ideals, guilt as a failure in
regard to the expectations of others
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 19

Table 1.5 Stephan Marks—categories of shame (Marks 2007)

Shame category Definition
Assimilation shame Understood as one major affect group, based on the failure
of not performing according to current norms and expectations
(Marks 2007, 13)
“Directed towards the outside, this self-related shame affect
is oriented towards the gaze of the other and the expected
appraisal of the individual’s environment” (Metz 2009, 25)
(a) Body shame Assimilation shame may refer to the own body, appearance
or personal qualities
(a) Group shame This specific kind of assimilation shame may refer to other individuals,
e.g. a family member
Empathetic shame Related to others in case we witness humiliation
Intimacy shame Protects privacy against others
Traumatic shame Intimacy shame can change into traumatic shame in case of rape, sexual
violence
Conscience or moral Related to the violation of one’s conscience, like in case of disrespectful
shame behaviour, the omission of assistance or the damage of others; often
linked to of guilt for the shame inducing behaviour (Metz 2009, 26)

Marks (2007) refers to various other categories in defining shame (Table 1.5).
Finally, Brown (2012) defines twelve ‘shame categories’ (without further
specification) which are essentially aligned with different roles and spheres of life:
• Appearance and body image
• Money and work
• Motherhood/fatherhood
• Family
• Parenting
• Mental and physical health
• Addiction
• Sex
• Aging
• Religion
• Surviving trauma
• Being stereotyped or labeled
These categorisations of shame show that shame is categorised in various, often
highly analytical ways, which are mostly based on the framework of typical
Western classification systems. These classification systems are not deemed to be
positive or negative per se. However, the categorisation of “traumatic shame”
would, for example, typically be defined as relating to a negative shame experience.
Accordingly, the primary issues to be addressed, are: (1) How can shame be, or
become, a valuable resource, and (2) what paradigm shifts are required in terms of
20 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

our understanding of shame so as to recognise and acknowledge shame as a (po-

tential) health-resource?

1.4.1 The Value of Shame: Change of Paradigm

in the Understanding of Shame

The power of shame over our lives is substantial. Shame touches our feelings of love and
directs our fears; it links to our activities and honesty, but frequently releases tremendous
forces of resistance; it fires our creativity and intelligence, but also creates destructive
myths; it is constituted in national pride and occasionally manifests in unspeakable
atrocities. Shame meets us at every step as an agent of social control and is constantly
asking questions regarding the truthfulness of our behavior. Hardly any other feeling holds
such diverse consequences for our very being and actions. All areas of our lives are
structured by provisos that have something to do with the protection against injury, and any
form of mental injury also affects the shame perception (Briegleb 2014, 9).

Exploring shame in the context of current theory, research and practice, reveals
that several decades ago (Lewis since the 1970s and Wurmser since the 1990s)
shame was already being discussed, not only within the parameters of a patho-
logical paradigm, but also in a salutogenic context in terms of the broader paradigm
of positive psychology (Antonovsky 1979).
In terms of positive psychology, many argue for the understanding and fostering
of factors related to shame that would support and allow individuals, groups,
communities and societies to flourish and grow (Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi
2000). This approach usually impacts positively on individuals and collectives
alike, and increases mental health and well-being. Additionally, these factors have a
particularly positive impact on feelings of self-sufficiency, and the ability to adapt
to changing circumstances, to manage challenges and to optimise personal potential
(Rothmann 2014). Frederickson (2001) pointed out that, within the paradigm of
positive psychology, there is a need for research and theoretical models that focus
more prominently on the positive aspects of emotions.
A review of the available literature shows that some studies do, in fact, refer to
shame as being a positive phenomenon, and even as being a resource of resilience
(Tangney and Dearing 2002; Brennan, Robertson and Cox, in this book). Connor
concludes that shame is a potential strategy to enforce social coherence (Connor
2001, 211–230), which is a notion commonly associated with positive psychology,
and is extremely important with regard to integrating, not only the individual
members of a particular social group, but also the group as a whole. In the context
of social coherence, shame is viewed as a constructive strategy when it comes to the
building of social relationships, the management of task relations, the perceived
unity within and across groups, and the management of emotions which relate
directly to the four main components of the concept of social cohesion.
The consequences of resilience appear to have a toughening effect on the indi-
vidual. A sense of having coped with one situation may support the anticipation of
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 21

active mastery over future situations. Resilient individuals have a set of assump-
tions about themselves that influence their emotions, behaviours and the skills,
which are dynamic and constantly developing towards a so-called “mindset” The
mindset of a resilient person is not free from stress, pressure and conflict, but can
successfully cope with obstacles, such as shame. The concept of shame as a source
of resilience is therefore an important aspect in managing intra- and
inter-psychological stress. Shame, in the context of being a source of resilience, is
associated with a highly developed self-awareness, mindfulness, reflexivity, social
learning, cognitive capacities, the evaluation of individual standards and
self-conscious evaluative emotions.
The Swiss-American psychiatrist Wurmser (2010, 2015), was one of the first
scientists to identify shame as a guardian of human dignity, by pointing out the
important function of shame as a regulator of proximity and distance, as well as its
essential task of self-protection. Based on Wurmser’s foundation of shame in the
context of human dignity and self-protection, the German psychoanalyst Hilgers
(2013) explicates Wurmser’s statements with regard to the positive implications of
shame. On the one hand, Hilgers (2013) describes shame at the individual level as
initiating self-reflection, individual learning and development processes, and
emphasises that shame “preserves the self and intimacy limits as it presents an
incentive for performance, development and autonomy”. On the other hand, shame
is seen as a source of increased “autonomy and competence of humiliating
dependence” (Hilgers 2013, 20), which might support the experience of boundaries
of self and intimacy. It also creates a sense of development, autonomy and
achievement. By experiencing self-awareness and self-development, as well as an
increase in individual competencies, individuals can free themselves from shaming
dependence (Hilgers 2013, 20). Hilgers (2013) refers to this kind of disruption as
the “unquestioned naturalness of self-esteem” (Hilgers 2013, 20) and the awakening
of an consciousness of the self and the other as important functions of shame from
within. Additionally, Hilgers (2013) attaches importance to the socially regulative
dimension of shame which is positively connotated as well: Shame encourages
individuals to overcome their own limitations and deficits, This shame is a socially
regulative function and its position increases the proprietary trading—in the best
case, without them to accept from the outset as merely existing (Hilgers2013, 45).
Hilgers (2013, 309) continues to show that “shame is a pricker which challenges
for realistic coping as long as the affected person sees adequate ways to deal with
and acquire new skills”. The experience of being willing and able to face one’s own
shame and to overcome shameful situations and experiences successfully, can open
access to new knowledge, strength and competencies.
A key aspect of such development is the ability of self-objectification, particu-
larly, the delimitation of the self from others and the associated self-reflection and
self-relativisation that would ensue. Shame becomes a basic resource for
self-reflection and self-objectification, and is an important enabler of individual
development. Our need to be accepted and to be appreciated by others, encourages
us to overcome personal barriers and fears, develop new insights and competencies
22 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

in order to escape shameful situations. In this respect, shame is considered as a

lifelong health and learning resource (Hilgers 2013, 16).
Accordingly, shame incites individuals to overcome individual boundaries and
possible deficits and to perceive shame as a relevant adjustment factor in social
contexts, as Harper (2011, 189) stresses:
One positive function of shame is its use to help socialize and teach norms important for
survival and interpersonal success. Moreover, shame enables individuals to pause for a
moment and to consider themselves through the eyes of others. Shame supports individuals
and serves to differentiate between themselves and others. Through the experience of
shame, a person can put her-/himself into another person’s shoes, and this ability enables
individuals to imagine what another person might feel - an unalienable premise for empathy
and sociability.

The German social scientist Stephan Marks offers a further functional descrip-
tion of shame:
Shame is like a seismograph which reacts very sensitively when our basic desire for
recognition, protection, affiliation or integrity is injured. To respect the dignity of a person
means – from the perspective of shame psychology – to prevent the person from super-
fluous, avoidable shame, i.e. to provide a “space” in which the individual gains recognition,
protection, a sense of belonging and integrity. Only then can learning, development, and
growth be achieved (Marks 2010, translated by the authors).

Significant to the notion of shame is, on the one hand, the idea that a human
being is both an autonomous entity with the potential to self-construction, and on
the other hand, a social being (Werden 2015, 211). Thus, the idea of dependence
on, or striving for recognition as a significant element, comes into view.
It may therefore be assumed that shame has both an individual and a social
dimension. In recent times, some authors have also alluded to a political dimension.
Briegleb (2014, 10), for example, speaks of shame as a significant instrument in
maintaining power, such as in group or mass humiliation. He even introduces the
term of shame-violence, and refers to colonialism as an emphatic example of this.
The contributions of Louth, Brennan, Robertson and Curtis and Buch (in this book)
all highlight this dimension of shame. Jennifer Jacquet also examined shame and
guilt as instruments of punishment and found that shame means “worrying about
the group” (Jacquet 2015, Pos 134). She escalates this idea even further when she
describes shame as closely related to (constantly changing) norms and as something
that can make a valuable political tool in an increasingly connected and deflected
world (Jacquet 2015, Pos 108).
This is especially true because of the close relationship between shame and
individual and collective values, as confirmed as follows by Schneider:
Shame raises consciousness. Shame is the partner of value awareness. … Shame is a
‘positive and authentic’ sign of the human community, not to be jettisoned. … Shame is not
merely a necessary limitation that must be grudgingly acknowledged on the way to our
liberation; it can itself be a means of freeing a person and extending self-actualisation. …
Shame need not be eradicated in order to arrive at human liberation; it is a resource in the
journey to individuation and maturity. … Shame sends out its red flag against the distorted
strand of popular thought that seeks to reduce human life to the dimensions of the
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 23

scientific/technological or the individual self. It reveals the limits of the self and bears
witness to the self’s involvement with others. Shame thus functions as a guide to a more
authentic form of self-realisation” (Schneider 1987, p XIV–XIVII).

Briegleb (2014, 12) agrees when he states that “our sense of shame has a
low-threshold alarming propriety system”, and emphasises that shame encourages
humans to show socially adequate behaviour. He even goes as far as describing
shame as a “source of happiness, awareness and culture” (Briegleb 2014, 19), and
concludes that shame places a permanent demand on individual’s self-perception
and acts as a disruptive factor. In harmony with this, superficial shame can keep
individuals’ sensitivities awake, the intelligence irritated, and it can enhance
inventiveness, but it can also liberate personal ability to deal with insurmountable
obstacles and useless hostilities (Briegleb 2014, 19).
Having considered the various paradigms of shame above, we also need to
examine shame from a cultural perspective and within a cultural context. The next
section will consider these perspectives.

1.5 Shame and Culture

Over the past several decades, shame has been researched quite extensively in the
context of culture and psychology (Shweder 2015; Markus and Kitayama 1991;
Sznycer et al. 2012).
The first significant study on shame and culture (Benedict 1946) identified
shame as an important emotion within the anthropological study of Japanese and
Western cultures. Based on Benedict’s research—in which she divides cultures into
guilt and shame cultures—many studies have replicated the view of the differen-
tiation of cultures into shame and guilt cultures. Benedict highlights that in
so-called “shame cultures”, the emotional reaction is based on the criticism of the
audience (for further discussion see Bhawuk, Sinha, Mayer, in this book). Shame is
embedded in external sanctions and environments for good behaviour, and it places
emphasis on external standards of behaviour.
Since this first groundbreaking study on shame and culture, shame has subse-
quently been defined as a cultural experience and as an expression of emotions
which are connected to various associated cultural feelings and emotions, as well as
to so-called “feeling rules” (Markus and Kitayama 1991). The word “shame” exists
in various languages and, on the basis of a study across 135 cultures, shame can be
defined as a “universal emotion” (Casimir and Schnegg 2002; Sinha, in this book).
Anthropologists have identified the importance of the role of shame in various
cultures and argue that the experience of shame is universal (Harper 2011, 1).
However, the experience of shame is nevertheless culture-specific in terms of its
perception, experience and expression. Within the context of culture, it is often
emphasised as being a particularly social emotion (Casimir and Schnegg 2002).
Additionally, recent research highlights the differences in the perception of shame
24 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

across cultures, and indicates that shame needs to be understood as socially and
contextually defined (Lindisfarne 1998; Miller 1996). Greiner (2014, 19) points out
that the experience of shame is strongly connected to the cultural space a person is
socialised and living in. Accordingly, shame and culture should also be viewed as
connected to the influences of religion and the Zeitgeist.
However, shame is not only related to socio-cultural, spatial and temporal
influences. An early publication on shame by Lynd (1958) draws attention to the
interrelatedness of shame and identity constructs. It is argued that shame is con-
nected to identity and to the core of a person’s character (Davidhoff 2002), and
therefore to the intra-psychological realm of a person’s life that connects to various
aspects of social identity as well. From a pathological viewpoint, Davidhoff (2002)
argues that shame is a highly influential emotion which impacts on identity and on
the question of how individuals define themselves. At the same time, shame is often
connected to feelings of exposure, degradation, situational avoidance or silence.
However, shame is also viewed as a constructive emotion that contributes to
developing identity goals. When experienced as a negative intimate emotion, shame
can lead to the development of positive and constructive identity goals. It has also
been identified as a constructive emotion in the search for identity.
Wong and Tsai (2007, 219) highlight the different conceptions of shame in terms
of “valuation elicitors and behavioural consequences of shame”, which vary as “a
function of the type of self-construal that is promoted in one’s cultural context”.
Accordingly, these authors define culture as “historically derived and socially
transmitted ideas (e.g. symbols, language, values, and norms) and practices (e.g.
rituals, mores, laws), as well as artefacts (e.g. tools, media) and institutions (e.g.
family structure).
According to Wong and Tsai (2007, 214), in “many non-Western cultural
contexts, shame is not only valued, but is also viewed as an appropriate emotional
response to failure.” The authors highlight that negatively evaluating the self in
terms of shameful behaviour or shame is not necessarily “viewed as harmful to
psychological wellbeing”, but have informational and motivational significance in
collective contexts rather than in individualistic contexts (see Bhawuk, Sinha Buch,
Brennan, Robertosn and Curtis, in this book).
Studies have found that collectivistic cultures value shame as being more pos-
itive than individualistic cultures do. Menon and Shrewder (1994) highlight this in a
study comparing Hindu and American participants, and Fischer et al. (1999)
compare Spanish and Dutch individuals and conclude that Spanish participants
valued shame more positively than the Dutch participants.
Focusing on the language and terminology used to describe shame experiences,
it has been shown that Japanese participants see shame as more closely related to
other positively valued emotional states such as love and happiness, while English
participants tend to associate shame more with negatively valued emotions such as
fear and anger (Romney et al. 1997).
Shame is assumed to regulate the social activities of individuals in society and to
guide individuals in terms of socially acceptable behaviour, feelings and values.
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 25

Werden (2015) concluded that shame, as well as guilt, are universal emotions which
exist in culture-specific expressions and dimensions. Due to its embeddedness in
the culture-specific context, shame and guilt differ across cultures in terms of
meaning-making. Werder concludes that, while in a guilt culture guilt causes
shame, in a shame culture, shame evokes guilt. While it is essential to preserve
affiliation in a shame culture, she describes it as essential in a guilt culture, to create
a self-defined identity. Therefore, according to Werden, it is important for the
individual living in a shame culture not to question the collective values which
define the significant community and provide guidance in terms of the behaviour
and actions of individuals. For the proper functioning of the collective and for the
integration of the individual within this social environment, this adaption is more
relevant than the expression of individuality. Relevant triggers for shame are
therefore the failure to achieve the harmony of the collective, rather than the failure
of the individual’s personal integration into the collective. In a guilt culture,
according to Werden, individuals are primarily responsible for their own identity
construction (attitude, actions, behaviour etc.). This leads to the fact that shame
arises less from others than from oneself, while guilt is founded in self-construction
(Werden 2015, 13–14).
The discourses on shame and culture are often anchored in the question of
individuality versus the collective, and in the following section, culture-specific
insights into shame, which do not necessarily refer to typical Western contexts, will
be provided.

1.6 Culture-Specific Insights into Shame

Shame has often been researched in the context of comparisons of Western and
Eastern viewpoints, and numerous studies analyse shame from cross-cultural per-
spectives, thus comparing shame in the context of different national contexts. Other
studies, however, aim at providing culture-specific insights, as described in the
following examples.
In a comparative study by Cole et al. (2006), the authors highlight, that in
Tamang and Brahman villages in Nepal, the people of Tamang tend to rebuke the
angry child, but would reason with and yield to the child who appears ashamed.
Brahmans, however, tended to respond to angry children but would ignore shame.
The authors, therefore, draw the conclusion that cultural heritage, religious differ-
ences, class and status, as well as majority and minority statuses, play a role in the
respective perceptions of anger and shame.
In a comparative study of children from Japan, Korea and the US respectively,
Furukawa et al. (2012), found that Japanese children scored highest in terms of
shame, Korean children with regard to guilt, and US children in pride. In all three
cultural groups, shame-proneness is positively correlated with aggression-relevant
constructs. In this context, Miller (2002) points out that shame is often associated
with collectivism, and guilt is usually associated with individualism. However, both
26 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

concepts, i.e. shame and guilt, are experienced with reference to self (Furukawa
et al. 2012).
Bagozzi et al. (2003) compared salespeople from the Philippines and the
Netherlands with regard to their experience and self-regulation of shame. Both
groups were found to experience shame similarly as a consequence of customer
actions, but they reacted differently to shame. In response to experiences that
produced shame, Filipino employees improved in terms of customer-relationship
building, civic virtue and assistance, while in the case of Dutch employees, sales
volumes tended to decline, and so did communication-effectiveness and
relationship-building. The authors concluded that Filipino employees responded to
shame by adapting their resource utilisation, while Dutch employees reacted dys-
functionally towards the firm and with respect to protective actions.
Behaviour that is seen as shameful is also culturally, contextually and situa-
tionally bound. Farell (2011), for example, explores the shame and stigma attached
to being “fat” within the American cultural context. In the context of a German
school, issues that are experienced as shameful include shame related to achieve-
ment, motivation and motifs of endeavour.
A study from Brazil shows that shaming is often used as a micro-political
concept in daily interactions, particularly with regard to topics of individualising,
psychologising and accepting responsibility and blame for illiteracy. Consequently,
illiteracy is frequently associated with shame, as is the incorrect use of language
(Barlett 2007).
In a study on sighted, blind and congenitally blind individuals from more than
30 nations, Tracy and Matsumoto (2008) found that individuals from most cultures
displayed behaviours associated with shame as a response to failure. Results further
showed that sighted individuals from North America and West Eurasia were
intentionally inhibited by other sighted individuals in accordance with cultural
norms, while blind and congenitally blind individuals were hardly ever required to
adapt to cultural norms (Tracy and Matsumoto 2008, 11655).
Starrin (2016, 1) highlights that the concept of shame is tabooed in Western
societies and that individuals feel ashamed of experiencing shame. Scheff (1988)
denounces the “invisibility of shame in Western cultures” which is typical of cul-
tures with “low visibility shame” (Scheff 1988, 400). This low visibility is based on
a negative evaluation of shame in Euro-American societies and has led to a lack of
research on shame in various contexts in Western societies, but particularly in
school contexts (Wertenbruch and Röttger-Rössler 2011). This absence of research
on shame might also be a consequence of the fact that the experience of shame
usually reminds individuals of the physical body and its boundaries, habitual pat-
terns, values, rules and the abilities to respond to them on the interpersonal, social
or cultural levels. Ryan (2016, 6) emphasised that the experience of shame across
various cultures highlights the sense of “being out of place” in terms of particular
behaviours.
In Western societies, a person who experiences high levels of shame is viewed as
insecure and dependent on others, as well as having low self-esteem (Furguson
2005; Scheff 1988). Röttger-Rössler (2004, 2010), however, indicates that a
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 27

culture-specific and culture-relative perspective is needed to understand shame in

various cultural contexts, and particularly in contexts where shame is valued as a
positive emotion and as one of the goals of socialisation. Markus and Kitayama
(1991) emphasise that the experience and expression of emotions—and therefore of
shame—are based on various cultural influences which are coded in “feeling rules”,
i.e. rules which prescribe how individuals should express and experience emotions.
If these rules are contravened, individuals and groups within societies experience
shame, particularly when other individuals know about the contravention of these
social standards.
Shame has not only been researched in the context of culture, but also with
regard to other causes of diversity, such as gender. The following subchapter
provides insight into the relationship between shame and gender.

1.7 Shame from a Gender Perspective

Shame, when viewed from a gender perspective, is often considered to be a fem-

inine characteristic par excellence. Despite this somewhat generalised perception,
research indicates that this belief is more a matter of convention than of fact.
Contrary to this generalised perception, we believe that feminine shame has at its
core the concealment of a sense of gender deficiency. In saying this, we are not,
however, ignoring the fact that shame also manifests for other reasons (Freud 1961/
1933; Freud et al. 1989, 193–196).
Shame has a female and male face: Although the gender implications of shame
are still an under researched field, evidence exists to show that shame is a
“gender-responsive” phenomenon (Hernandez and Mendoza 2011).
Tangney and Dearing found that females across all ages display a greater
propensity to both shame and guilt than males. They also found that, regardless of
age, females “consistently report greater levels of shame than their male counter-
parts” (Tangney and Dearing 2002, 154). Lewis (1992) likewise emphasises a
gender difference in suggesting that—based on gender specific differences in
response to shame—men typically assert that women are overly sensitive, while
women assert that men are overly aggressive (Lewis 1992, 184). Lewis concludes
that social conditioning inevitably produces women who typically feel shame and
men who tend to feel guilt. He asserts that not only do women feel more shame than
men, but tend to express it differently. Typically, females deal with shame through
introversion and self-hate while males are more likely to exhibit extreme anger and
violence. He suggests that one of the major causes of shame in women relates to
feelings of unattractiveness, or that, in comparison to men, failures in personal
relationships were a leading cause of shame due to feelings of sexual inadequacy or
failure.
In their research on sexual offenders and shame, Scheff and Retzinger (1997),
suggest an alternative explanation for the differences in how men and women
28 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

manage the shame associated with sexuality, and observe that this phenomenon is
“quite prevalent” in modern society. The authors found that women typically
experienced shame-shame feedback loops, while males experienced shame-anger
feedback loops. They characterise the shame-shame loop as a circular process in
which an individual is ashamed of being ashamed, which leads to an
ever-increasing sense of shame. This can affect health, e.g. as manifested in
withdrawal or depression. In shame-anger loops, which are considered to be more
typical of men, individuals are angry about their shame, and are ashamed of being
angry. This creates another emotional loop that feeds on itself and often culminates
in antisocial acts (Scheff and Retzinger 1997). Scheff and Retzinger conclude that
feeling shame with regard to their own sexuality, often leads to a lack of sexual
interest in women, as well as withdrawal, passivity or late-blooming interest, while
shame with regard to sexuality, often propels men to boldness, anger and aggres-
sion (Scheff and Retzinger 1997).
Efthim et al. (2001) studied the relationship between gender role stress and the
resultant disposition toward shame, guilt, and externalisation. They demonstrated
that some people are more predisposed to the constructs of shame-proneness and
guilt-proneness, and therefore experience more situationally-based manifestations
of shame. They define three essential principles as the basis for their findings,
namely that male gender role stress is attributable to shame, guilt, and external-
ization. They conclude that since shame—or guilt—is caused by an individual’s
failure to follow societal demands or socially expected behaviours, such a person
will then feel shame and guilt and experience a sense of reduced self-esteem. They
point out that most children are socially conditioned during early childhood to feel
guilt and shame for not following cultural norms. In this context, infraction of
gender roles often result in unfavorable consequences and in poor internalisation of
self, which then produces to shame. They found that men in particular, see shame as
transgressing masculine norms such as feeling unsafe, defenseless, and out of
control. Men then tend to turn to defensive tactics such as externalisation to reduce
their emotional pain (Efthim et al. 2001).
Efthim et al. (2001) found that men feel particularly ashamed when an alleged or
actual failure threatens to become public, while women feel particularly ashamed
when their intra-psychological thought processes or other internal thoughts or
emotions are disclosed or exposed. The further a woman digresses from her socially
prescribed role, the more shame she will experience Their findings show that
socially-constructed gender roles have gained recognition as important factors
affecting the developmental, psychological, and relational well-being of men and
women (Efthim et al. 2001). For example, the results of their research reveal that,
for men the failure to conform to expected societal norms of what defines mas-
culinity, either at work or in private, will result in symptoms of depression, anger,
and shame (Efthim et al. 2001). Accordingly, Efthim and others conclude that men
who are most committed to traditional male schemas, experience more discomfort
with regard to shame and turn to defensive manoeuvres such as externalisation to
manage the painful effects of shame (Efthim et al. 2001). Some of the common
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 29

male defenses against shame are denial, withdrawal, rage, perfectionism, arrogance,
and exhibitionism (Potter-Efron and Potter-Efron 1989).
Arndt and Goldenburg (2004) found that women tend to score higher in personal
self-consciousness and typically show higher increases in self-reflective behaviour
than men—and therefore women tend to experience higher levels of shame than
men.
Other authors (Erden and Akbağ 2015) assert a different gender-specific
involvement in terms of shame. They investigated the extent to which personality
traits could effect shame and guilt and found that both are predicted by personality
traits. In regard to shame, they further discovered that shame was predicted by
conscientiousness and agreeableness in women only, whereas guilt was predicted
by agreeableness for both genders, but was prognosticated by conscientiousness
only among men.
O’Connor et al. (1994) conducted a study on men and women who were
recovering from substance addiction, and particularly with regard to the different
levels of depression and self-conscious behaviour displayed by them. Their findings
show that there appear to be differences between men and woman with regard to
their proneness to shame, guilt, externalisation, detachment, and pride. They were
able to show that significant differences exist between the sexes in terms of
proneness to shame, detachment, and depression. While women scored significantly
higher on shame and depression, men scored significantly higher on detachment
(O’Connor et al. 1994).
Connor (2001) comes to the conclusion that women are ashamed of breaking out
of the typical and socially constructed female paradigm, while men are ashamed of
failing to live up to the typical male social paradigm. Of particular relevance in
understanding shame in terms of these gender differences, the authors identify a gap
along the line separating heteronomy and autonomy. Connor found that female
shame has frequently been presented as the heterogenic or ‘other-originating’ force
of shame imposed on woman, thereby constraining their assertion of autonomy.
Female shame has mostly been regulatory and disciplinary. With regard to the
shame attached to menstruation and pregnancy, as well as to illegitimate birth and
excessive or unfeminine behaviour (e.g. drunkenness, ribaldry, lewdness, loose
talk), being shamed has compelled women to live according to classical role
expectations.
In contrast—so Connor (2001)—male shame seems to be understood mostly as
“autogenic or self-authorising shame at the expense of autonomy” (Connor 2001,
211–230). He points out that when men experience shame it is typically not the
result of having overstepped a boundary, but rather because of a failure to do so. On
the other hand, men seem to regard shame as a kind of acknowledgement or
affirmation (Connor 2001, 211–230).
Connor concludes that both female and male shame might be seen as strategy to
enforce social coherence (Connor 2001, 211–230). Thus Connor contributes to the
discourse by regarding shame as a health resource.
In the United States, Brown (2012) conducted hundreds of interviews on shame.
At first she interviewed only women, but subsequently expanded her research to
30 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

Table 1.6 Female and male descriptions of shame (Brown 2012, 85–91)
Women (Brown 2012, 85) Men (Brown 2012, 91)
Look perfect. Do perfect. Be perfect. Shame is failure. At work. On the football
Anything less than that is shaming field. In your marriage. In bed. With money.
With your children. It doesn’t matter—shame
is failure
Being judged by other mothers Shame is being wrong. Not doing wrong, but
being wrong
Being exposed—the flawed parts of yourself Shame is a sense of being defective
that you want to hide from everyone are
revealed
No matter what I’ve achieved, how far I’ve Shame happens when people think you’re
come, where I came from or what I’ve soft. It’s degrading and shaming to be seen as
survived, shame will always keep me from anything but tough
feeling that I am good enough
Even though everyone knows that there’s no Revealing any weakness is shaming.
way to do it all, everyone still expects it. Basically, shame is weakness
Shame is when you can’t pull off looking like
it’s under control
Never enough at home. Never enough at Showing fear is shameful. You can’t show
work. Never enough in bed. Never enough fear. You can’t be afraid—no matter what
with my parents. Shame is never enough
No seats at the cool table. The pretty girls are Shame is being seen as the “guy you can
laughing shove against the lockers.”
Our worst fear is being criticized or ridiculed
—either one of these is extremely shaming

include men. She found that women and men describe different shame raising
experiences (Table 1.6).
Brown (2012) relates these diverse shame descriptions to attributes associated
with expectations of femininity or masculinity in the US. According to the research
of Mahalik et al. (2005, 317–335) the following attributes are typically associated
with femininity:
Being nice, pursuing a thin body ideal, showing modesty by not calling attention to one’s
talents or abilities, being domestic, caring for children, investing in a romantic relationship,
keeping sexual intimacy contained within one committed relationship, and using our
resources to invest in our appearance (Brown 2012, 89).

By contrast, Mahalik et al. (2003, 3–25) identified the following attributes which
may be regarded as typical masculine traits: emotional control, risk-taking, vio-
lence, dominance, high self-reliance and self-esteem, giving priority to work,
supremacy over women, judgemental of homosexuality, and the pursuit of status.
Brown stresses that these norms are at the core of shame triggers (Brown 2012,
107) and concludes that, although shame is “most definitely organised by gender”
(Brown 2012, 95), the experience of shame can be seen as universal and profoundly
human.
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 31

Additionally, Hilgers indicates that men seem to more frequently handle shame
in an aggressive manner than women do. By contrast, women, apparently, gravitate
more to an introverted, sometimes depressive kind of coping behaviour than men
(Hilgers 2013, 325).
Finnish social psychologist Silfver-Kuhalampi (2009) highlights the relevance of
the survey method in regard to gender-specific differences between the sexes. She
believes that, as a consequence of traditional feminine role models, females are
probably encouraged to be more empathetic, and more guilt—and shame prone than
males. However, it has to be acknowledged that the difficulty in using
scenario-based measures of guilt and shame is the fact that men and women
apparently experience shame and guilt in different contexts (Silfver-Kuhalampi
2009, 37–38).
Moreover, Silfver-Kuhalampi acknowledges that most findings regarding gender
differences in morally relevant constructs, are based on Western cultures, and these
differences are not necessarily regarded as universal (Silfver-Kuhalampi 2009).
According to the results obtained by Fischer and Manstead (2000), there are gender
differences both in experiencing and in expressing emotions, especially with regard
to guilt and shame. These gender differences in various emotions usually seem to be
more pronounced in individualistic than in collectivistic cultures where the gender
difference in societal roles are relatively minor. She underlines that in collectivistic
cultures, societal roles are more strongly differentiated based on gender, i.e. gender
differences in emotion were found to be less prominent in women from collec-
tivistic cultures, whereas men from individualistic cultures scored lower in
self-reported guilt and shame than women from these cultures, or than men and
women from collectivistic cultures (Silfver-Kuhalampi 2009, 37–38; further dis-
cussion of the differences between shame in collectivistic and individualistic cul-
tures see Bhawuk, Sinha, Buch, Louth, Brennan, Robertson and Cox, in this book).
Fischer et al. (2004) found that men from countries where gender differences in
societal roles are less pronounced, scored lower in terms of the intensity of
self-reported emotions that produce a sense of powerlessness (fear, sadness, guilt
and shame) than women, or than both genders in countries with more pronounced
gender differences. Fischer and Manstead (2000) relate these results to individu-
alistic values such as fear and sadness, and indicate that shame and guilt therefore
contribute to a sense of powerlessness and lack of control. They therefore conclude
that, in individualistic cultures, women have assumed the responsibility for main-
taining positive social relationships and a healthy emotional atmosphere (Fischer
and Manstead 2000).
Silfver-Kuhalampi (2009, 76) points out that a recent survey confirmed the
presence of culture-specific features of gender differences. In this research, indi-
viduals from Finland and Peru were compared and the findings indicated that the
Peruvians valued tradition, conformity, power, and achievement more than people
from Finland, whereas the Finns showed higher results for values like hedonism,
stimulation and benevolence than the Peruvians. At the same time, gender differ-
ences in values where found to be stronger among Finns than Peruvians. According
to Silfver-Kuhalampi, gender differences were significantly more pronounced in the
32 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

Finnish group than for the Peruvians in terms of the importance given to power,
universalism, and security. She found that girls scored higher than boys in their
estimate of universalism, whereas boys placed a higher premium on power and
security than girls. By comparison, the gender difference was wider for Peruvians in
terms of hedonism. While the Peruvian girls scored very low in their estimate of
hedonism, Finnish boys as well as girls scored higher than Peruvian boys. She
points to the fact that there were less variance in value-priorities among the
Peruvians than among the Finnish test subjects. Conformity was regarded as the
most important value among the Peruvian test subjects. Respecting traditions and
conforming to social norms was considered very important for both genders in
Peru. The results for guilt and shame proneness also showed a marked gender
difference in guilt-proneness, and this was more prominent among the Finns than
among the Peruvians. Finnish boys had lower scores in guilt-proneness than Finnish
girls or than both genders in Peru, which is consistent with the findings of Fischer
and Manstead (2000) in terms of the difference in guilt and shame between col-
lectivistic and individualistic cultures (Silfver-Kuhalampi 2009, 76).
Silfver-Kuhalampi concludes that that cultural perceptions relating to values and
guilt-proneness, were more differentiated by gender in Finland than in Peru. The
results of the present study suggest that attributes connected to masculine and
feminine gender roles differ between cultures.
In their research on the perceptions of different age groups with regard to shame,
guilt, and two forms of pride (authentic and hubristic), Orth et al. (2010) collected
data from more than 2000 individuals between 13 and 89 years old. Their findings
show that women reported higher levels of shame and guilt experiences, but less
hubristic pride experiences than men. In terms of differences in ethnic background,
Blacks reported less shame than Whites or Asians, and Asians reported more
hubristic pride than both Blacks or Whites (Orth et al. 2010, 1067).
This book aims at contributing to theoretical, cultural and culture-comparative
insights and perspectives. The following section contains brief previews of the
various chapters and discussions of the book.

1.8 Chapter Preview

Based on the preceding discussions of shame within the context of the current
paradigm shift towards viewing shame as a health-related resource, from the per-
spective of positive psychology and against the background of cultural divergence,
shame is understood in this book as a health-related resource that can have a
protective effect on the self.
Additionally, shame is a socio-cultural construct which is always embedded in a
discourse of cultural and social norms and values. Shame is viewed as a relevant
force in the development of personal identity and in the individual’s continued
growth and development. In being a relevant emotion for the individual and for the
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 33

development of personal identity, shame—if used and transformed constructively—

can become an important factor in creating a stable and positive identity, and will
contribute to the mental health of the individual throughout life. Shame can also
become a key ingredient in reinforcing socially acceptable behaviour by increasing
an awareness of authenticity, integrity and congruence both within the individual
and the collective, and can contribute positively toward an acceptable social value
system and norm-base. Shame can contribute to the resilience of a person by
enhancing the ability to attach meaning to the social environment and to experience
a sense of belonging and protection by self and others. Thus, shame becomes a
powerful regulative of the individual and of the collective, and initiates lifelong
learning, growth and development. It is also seen as a factor that stimulates cre-
ativity, and empowers individuals and groups towards greater self-development
through self-reflection, counselling and stimulation.
The descriptions of shame above provide the basis for the following brief pre-
views of the various chapters of this book. The book is divided into three main parts
which include: (1) theoretical discussions, (2) culture-specific insights, and (3) the
application of shame as a health-related resource in counselling and therapy.

1.8.1 Part One

The first three chapters discuss shame in the context of various theoretical
perspectives.
In her chapter, Michelle May contributes to the existing knowledge-base on
shame from a psychodynamic systems perspective. The author highlights relevant
fundamental principles derived from a psycho-analytic approach based primarily on
Freud, Klein, Bion, and Jaques. In conclusion she presents a case study to illustrate
how psychodynamics can contribute to an understanding of shame dynamics,
emphasising the interrelationships with culture and race.
Markus van Alphen’s chapter on “Shame as a functional and adaptive emotion:
A bio-psycho-social perspective”, focuses on shame from the perspective of
regarding it as a constructive, functional and adaptive emotion. The author presents
a theoretical synthesis of emotion theories, and takes a closer look at shame and its
manifestations across various cultures.
Tom Ryan refers to healthy shame within the context of personal conviction,
individual value systems and self-evaluation. The author explores shame in the
context of the person, as well as with regard to cultural norms in the Australian
context. Finally, shame is discussed in the context of spirituality and morals. The
author concludes that shame is a fundamental element of humanness which is
necessary to be an integral, responsible human being.
34 E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer

1.8.2 Part Two

The second part of the book consists of six chapters and refers primarily to
culture-specific perspectives on shame.
Dharm P.S. Bhawuk describes the Indian concept of lajja, or shame by exploring
its meanings and analysing its usage in two popular scriptural texts, the
Bhagavad-Gita and the Durga Saptashati. This chapter provides more extensive
cultural insights, not only with regard to these two scripts, but also in terms of the
use of the concept in daily communication and proverbial expressions. The author
shows that in India the notions of lajja, shame and guilt are integrated concepts
whereas, in the Western world they are usually viewed as distinct notions.
Accordingly, this chapter takes a different perspective with regard to the common
distinction between “guilt and shame cultures” and other concepts encountered in
global psychology.
The authors, Claude-Hélène Mayer and Louise Tonelli, provide new insights
with reference to the context of Higher Education Institutions in South Africa. Since
very little research has been done on shame in the South African work context, the
authors present new insights on shame in this particular context by presenting
in-depth, qualitative research findings. Definitions on shame, examples of shame
experiences at work, and personal and organisational strategies to manage shame at
work, are presented. The positive impact of shame is discussed, and recommen-
dations are given for future research and practice.
In her theoretical chapter on the role of shame in different cultural environments,
Barbara Buch elaborates on the cultural effect of shame with reference to
present-day North American/Canadian society, as well as its effect on previous
generations. She develops a shame-pride-continuum which relates to Antonovsky’s
model of salutogenesis. The author provides examples of shame in indigenous and
European-colonialist cultures, thus contributing towards a better understanding of
the implications of shame in the present-day North American society. Finally,
shame is examined as a political tool that can contribute to both individuals and
societies in terms of being a health or survival resource.
Sharon Louth explores shame from a particular cultural perspective in the sec-
tion: “Indigenous Australians: shame and pride”. The author examines shame
within the Australian society, with a special focus on the perspective of Indigenous
Australians. The notions of self-confidence, self-conceptualisation and self-efficacy
are explored in the context of shame. Strategies to enhance these abilities on a
personal level are discussed and examples of cultural communities are provided.
The authors Samantha Brennan, Neville Robertson and Cate Curtis define shame
as a powerful and evocative experience which is not necessarily experienced
negatively by all. This chapter explores responses to shame in the context of
resilience. Research findings are presented which highlight experiences among the
Pākehā New Zealanders.
Rebecca Merkin reports on findings that show the correspondence of shame
experiences and bullying across different cultural groups within the US. The author
1 An Introduction to the Value of Shame 35

highlights that shame can serve as a resource-oriented mechanism based on the

desire for harmonious mediation, and reviews relevant available literature with
regard to cross-cultural perspectives on shame.

1.8.3 Part Three

The third part of the book deals with the application of shame and culture in
therapeutic and counselling practices.
Author Mrigaya Sinha provides an overview of shame and psychotherapy with
regard to prevailing theories, methods and practices. Shame can be accessed in
terms of its meaningfulness in psychotherapeutic interventions and identified
through verbal and non-verbal markers of shame. The author discusses shame in the
context of therapy and provides guidelines for therapists when treating shame.
Finally, in her chapter on how shame can become a “soul feeding emotion”,
Claude-Hélène Mayer illustrates, through archetypal work in a group development
process, how shame can be transformed through therapeutical group work. A case
study is presented to further illustrate the process. Reference is made to the
archetypical work of Carl Gustave Jung within the perspective of positive
psychology.
The book integrates different psychological perspectives and approaches,
including moral and spiritual references to shame, social and literary approaches, as
well culture-specific insights gained from Australian, Indian, South African, New
Zealand, Northern American, and European cultural contexts.
By presenting theoretical, empirical and practical insights on shame and culture
from the perspective of positive psychology, this book contributes to constructing a
sound knowledge base for future conceptual work, research and practice in dealing
with shame from different disciplinary and cultural perspectives.

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 Part I
Theoretical Perspectives on Shame
and Culture
Chapter 2
Shame! A System Psychodynamic
Perspective

Michelle May

Abstract The purpose of this chapter is to contribute to existing knowledge about

shame, through using the systems psychodynamic perspective. Firstly I explore the
definition of shame, by building on ideas that illustrate the unconscious dynamics of
shame in the context of culture. Then follows an overview of systems psychody-
namics, which has its theoretical underpinnings in psycho-analytic thinking based
on the work of Freud, Klein’s object relations theory, Bion’s work on groups,
Jaques’s and Menzies Lyth’s work on organisations as social defences and envious
attacks, and open systems theory. A case study is presented to illustrate how sys-
tems psychodynamics can contribute to our understanding of shame dynamics
operating at the intersection of culture and race (In this chapter race is used in
accordance with the South African construction of groups based on their skin colour
using apartheid and post-apartheid values.), and how this enhanced understanding
can impact the work of practitioners.

2.1 Introduction

Exploring the psychodynamics of our emotions often elicits thoughts about the
destructive elements of these emotions, at the expense of a positive stance towards
the value of these emotions. I see the so-called destructive elements of emotions as
elements that can be worked with and processed for an enhanced understanding of
one’s reaction, in the service of achieving a more useful outcome—such as a
conversation that integrates the complexities of the human condition (see Cilliers
and May 2010). It is in fact by ignoring, repressing and denying these elements that
we ensure destructive outcomes for individuals, groups and organisations.

M. May (&)
Department of Industrial and Organisational Psychology,
University of South Africa (UNISA), AJH vd Walt
Building 3-109, Preller Street, Muckleneuk Ridge,
Pretoria, South Africa
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 43

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_2
44 M. May

Therefore, I hold that by focusing on the so-called destructive (and constructive)

elements of emotions, in this case shame, we can work with these elements in the
service of integrating the complexities at the intersection between culture and race.
The purpose of this chapter is to contribute to existing knowledge about shame,
i.e. how our understanding of shame, in the context of the intersection between
culture and race, can be enhanced through using the system psychodynamic per-
spective. I first give an overview of the definition of shame, building in ideas that
illustrate the unconscious dynamics of shame. Then follows an overview of systems
psychodynamics, which is based on the work of Freud, Klein’s object relations
theory, Bion’s work on groups, Jaques’s and Menzies Lyth’s work on organisations
as social defences, and open systems theory (Fraher 2004). A case study is pre-
sented to illustrate how systems psychodynamics can contribute to enhancing our
understanding of shame dynamics operating at the intersection of culture and race,
and how this enhanced understanding can impact the work of practitioners.

2.2 The Dynamics of Shame

Shame is conceptualized as a social emotion, elicited by personal devaluation of

one’s action from the standpoint of others (Elison 2005; Fullagar 2003). Shame
arises from one’s own consciousness and is experienced in the presence of others,
with a focus on the self as bad. It is a set of emotional reactions related to the
perception of devaluation through self-monitoring, i.e. a person perceives his/her
social status/acceptance by others to be lost, diminished or less desired (Elison
2005; Fullagar 2003; Morrison 2011). Shame involves perceived or actual reduc-
tion in social rank (Kane 2012). Thus, the self and self-consciousness have central
roles in shame—in that shame is experienced when the (whole) self is experienced
as flawed and intolerable (Lansky 1999, 2003). Lansky also describes shame as a
moral emotion.
Research has shown a universal expression of shame (a shame display), viz.
lowering of the eyes, decreased muscle tone of face and neck resulting in the
lowering of the head, as well as using the face, body, words and actions to appear
smaller and non-threatening and communicating retreat, surrender and appeasement
(Elison 2005). This shame display signals appeasement to others. The intensity of
shame is determined by the gap between the ideal self and the actual self. The
individual evaluates the self, using the eye of the other (Fullagar 2003) to see how
he or she falls short of his/her own ideals or expectations, resulting in feelings of
failure or being inferior (Morrison 2011).
In the work of Freud (Lansky 1999) shame, on the unconscious level, is con-
sidered to be a signal anxiety about pending psychical painful feelings of being
harmed through unbearable narcissistic mortification and incipient social annihi-
lation. At its most unbearable, [shame also] signals loss of all connection to the
social order, the ultimate form of separation—social annihilation (Lansky 2005,
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 45

p. 879). Shame as a signal anxiety instigates a defence against the painful awareness
of negative affect or repelling idea or intrapsychic conflict, which the ego wants to
resist. It is important to note that shame is not seen as a defence against drives or
instincts, but against the painful awareness of not being worthwhile, or having a
defective sense of self (Rizzuto 2014). Shame as a defence does not repress drive
conflicts, but rather represses the awareness of drive conflicts pertaining to one’s
experiences of being inferior, unlovable, etc. (Lansky 1999) in the presence of
internal or external objects (Morrison 2011; Rizzuto 2014). In this case shame has
an emotion-regulating function, ensuring that the individual maintains the social
bond in the context of the possibility of endangered status, lovability, or acceptance
(Lansky 1999). Shame is experienced when the self is affected by conflict arising
from narcissistic self-evaluation in the presence of significant internal and external
objects (Rizzuto 2014). Thus, the experience of shame has a direct connection to
internalised object relations (Rizzuto, 2014), where shame involves an internalised
gaze of the self (based on the introjected the eye of the other), which judges the
ideal self against the actual self (Morrison 2011). As discussed by Lansky (1999),
shame results from defensive activity, emotion regulating activity and/or compro-
mised object relations formation. The latter is discussed later in the chapter.
Literature suggests that shame and guilt are poorly understood concepts, and
erroneously seen as belonging to the same category (Elison 2005; Lansky 1999;
Tangney 2001). The large overlap between the two constructs in research and by
theorists could be attributed to shame being one of the main affects associated with
guilt (Elison 2005). Lansky (1999) also considers guilt and shame to be moral
emotions. Shame in the adult psyche indicates conflict with ego-ideal (a set of
standard, ideals and role expectation (Lansky 2005)) referred to as the conscience
(Lansky 1999), whereas guilt is concerned with transgressions and punishment and
indicates a fear of retaliatory punishment (Lansky 2005, p. 878). The ego-ideal is
the early development of the conscience, linked to pre-oedipal dynamics. The later,
post-oedipal development of the conscience results in the superego, which stands
over and evaluates the ego (Lansky 1999). Further discussion of the differences and
similarities between these two constructs does not fall in the ambit of this chapter.
In modern culture it seems that shame has expanded to shame-guilt, embar-
rassment and humiliation. Elison (2005) provides definitions for these concepts:
• Shame is the perception or expectation of devaluation of oneself by others;
• Embarrassment contains all the aspects of shame and public evaluation;
• Humiliation contains all the aspects of shame, public devaluation and the hostile
intent of others. Lansky (1999) defines humiliation as the individual experi-
encing shame as deliberately inflicted by another; and
• Shame-guilt denotes all the aspects of shame experienced within the context of
an offence.
The adaptive function of shame cannot be ignored. Stadter (2011) acknowledges
the constructive aspects of shame to include the appeasement of others, the pre-
vention of actions that elicit the perceived or inferred devaluation, the hiding of the
46 M. May

self when weakened or injured, modesty, social sensitivity and conforming to

social/cultural norms. Elison (2005, p. 219) states that:
Shame is to relationships what pain is to bodily integrity. Just as pain is a
warning that physical harm is occurring, shame is a warning that a relationship has
been disrupted. Just as pain’s negative quality motivates us to stop it or avoid it,
shame’s negative quality motivates us to stop it or avoid it. Both pain and shame
serve to promote the event to consciousness, turn our attention to it, and motivate
appropriate action.

2.3 Culture-Related Manifestations of Shame

The discussion thus far attempts to give a universal definition of shame. However, it
does not ignore that the universal aspect of shame has different manifestations, with
regard to character, substance and meaning, for different cultural groups (Shweder
2003). According to Shweder (2003) the different manifestation of shame across
different historical periods can also not be ignored. Although shame is about being
judged as defective by the other (universal definition), in one culture it can be about
not being lovable (if one’s lovability is valued in the culture) and in another about
not taking up one’s responsibility (if being responsible is valued in the culture) (see
Shweder 2003).
Although the manifestations of shame vary across cultures, they do not do so
randomly and endlessly. Shweder (2003) proposes a framework describing how the
culturally valued aspect of the self can be clustered into three ethics, viz. the “ethics
of autonomy”, the “ethics of community” and the “ethics of divinity”. Through the
“ethics of autonomy” the self is conceptualised as an individual preference structure
emphasising ever-increasing choice and personal freedom. The “ethics of com-
munity” emphasises how the individual’s role in the community is intrinsically
linked to one’s identity, which is part of a larger collective with a particular history.
In the “ethics of divinity” the self is conceptualised as a spiritual being connected to
a sacred or higher order and is the bearer of a legacy that is elevated and divine
(Shweder 2003). The relative weight of the three ethics within a culture affects the
experience and expression of [shame], as well as the way [in which shame is] given
meaning (Shweder 2003, p. 1121). Through language as an expression of culture,
differences in the experience and expression of shame, and the way in which
meaning is ascribed to shame, can be observed (Etezady 2010; Taylor 2015).
According to Fullagar (2003) shame is very much connected to the embodied
performance of identity in relation to cultural norms, as it produces feelings of
self-hatred, disgust and loathing that are not easily detached from the self as
“cognitions”. Thus shame denotes social rejection, which is either based in reality
or imagined. The intensity of shame is influenced by the size of the devaluing
audience, the importance of the individuals (friend vs. stranger) who form part of
the devaluing audience, whether the devaluation is imagined or real, and the degree
(intensity) of the devaluation, e.g. mere expression of disgust versus outright
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 47

rejection. These characteristics are influenced by cultural norms. Our judgement of

the appropriateness of others’ devaluation could dampen or intensify the experience
of shame (Elison 2005; Lansky 1999).

2.4 The Theoretical Approach: Systems Psychodynamics

Systems psychodynamics allows for the study and interpretation of collective,

interdependent, unconscious and conscious individual, group and intergroup pro-
cesses resulting from the interconnection between different groups and subgroups
within a social system (Czander and Eisold 2003). It also affords us the opportunity
to attend to unconscious phenomena within people, the organisational context
(tasks, structures, boundaries) and the complex interaction between the two (Amado
1995). In the following sections the different theoretical underpinnings of systems
psychodynamics are explicated.

2.4.1 Psycho-Analysis

Although Freud is not known as a group theorist, he speculated about group and
organisational dynamics (Freud 1921), which provided the theoretical foundation of
systems psychodynamics. Bion (1961) proposed that psycho-analytic principles be
applied to group phenomena in order to increase insight into dynamic, group
processes occurring on both conscious and unconscious levels in different contexts,
including groups and organisations. Systems psychodynamics further assumes
conflict between rational behaviour as defined by the task(s) of the organisation and
unconscious individual and group processes (Armstrong 2006).

2.4.1.1 Basic Assumption

Bion’s central assumption is that in every group two groups are occurring simul-
taneously, but to varying degrees, viz. the work group and the basic assumption
group. Bion emphasised that both the work and basic assumption groups exist and
both are necessary to ensure a group’s activity. Bion used Kleinian concepts to
illustrate that the basic assumption group originates in infancy, and to elucidate our
understanding of the functioning of a group. According to Bion (1975) when group
members’ activity is related to reality and is rational, the group is involved in
workgroup activity—which is similar to Freud’s idea of the ego. Workgroup
activity is obstructed, diverted and assisted by basic assumption activity, which is
the psychic activity of the group that is irrational, primitive and lost in phantasy.
The members of a basic assumption group show defensive or regressive behaviour
48 M. May

marked by primitive splitting and projective identification, depersonalisation and

infantile regression, and the wish to avoid reality (Menzies Lyth 1981).

2.4.1.2 The Organisation-in-the-Mind

Through Bion’s work one can be clearer about the object of attention and inter-
pretation in psycho-analysis in the organisation, i.e. emotional experiences between
the individual and the group, the group and the organisation (Long 2004). The
relatedness that an individual has to an organisation, i.e. an individual’s emotional
experiences of the organisation, denotes the organisation-in-the-mind (Armstrong
2006).

2.4.1.3 Object Relations Theory

Object relations theory primarily emphasises the importance of an individual’s

relations with actual (external) and phantasised (internal) objects. These uncon-
scious, internalised, relations between part self (e.g. I am only bad) and internal part
objects (e.g. others are only bad) are connected by feelings and thoughts and result
in interpersonal relationship patterns unconsciously chosen and re-enacted through
our object relations (Lansky 2003; Stadter 2011). Thus, object relations theory
presents a theory of unconscious internal object relations in dynamic interplay with
current interpersonal (and intergroup) experiences. Essentially, object relations
theory allows an analysis of the person and his/her relations with internal and
external objects (Czander 1993; Klein 1985; Ogden 1983). The term object is used
because the relations are not only with a person. The relations can be with a group,
an idea, an organisation, a symbol and, in infancy, with parts of the body (Czander
1993, p. 44).

2.5 Shame and Its Roots in Infancy

As stated, our understanding of shame can be enhanced by linking shame to

unconscious phantasies based on internalised object relations, which has its roots in
infancy (Rizzuto 2014). The infant has feelings about how the significant (m)other
views him/her due to the actual behaviour of the significant (m)other, or to the
infant’s projections of his/her own feelings and fantasies. These two components of
the infant’s experience of the significant (m)other develop into a single represen-
tational construction of the significant (m)other as part objects in the psyche
Rizzuto (2014). Morrison (2011) suggests that shame is the negative feeling related
to narcissism, where narcissism involves the wish to be special to the significant (m)
other. When this wish is satisfied by the significant (m)other, the infant develops a
sense of self that is coherent, stable and well-esteemed. However, should the infant
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 49

fail to merge with or obtain mirroring from the significant (m)other, the self is
experienced as chaotic, deficient or fragmented, opening the self to narcissistic
vulnerability and shame. The break experienced by the infant of the mirroring of the
significant (m)other results in pre-existing beliefs and unconscious fantasies about
one’s own value/worth, defectiveness or unlovability, which reverberate into
adulthood.

2.5.1 The Two Positions

Klein’s object relations theory also demonstrated that adulthood has its roots in
infancy by showing that the earliest activities of the ego involved various defence
mechanisms (such as splitting, introjection and projection) to exclude particular
anxieties from consciousness (Klein 1985; Stein 2000). Klein also demonstrated
that early development consists of two distinct, but overlapping, developmental
positions, i.e. the paranoid-schizoid and depressive positions (Klein 1985;
Likierman 2001). The paranoid-schizoid position is marked by splitting, introjec-
tion, projection and projective identification, which ensure that others are perceived
as part objects, i.e. either good or bad objects. In infancy the significant other is split
into good nurturing or bad and withholding, resulting in the part objects (Robbins
and Goicoechea 2005). The persecutory anxiety experienced in the
paranoid-schizoid position is an intense source of shame, because the self is
experienced as unlovable by the rejecting, exploiting and humiliating other (Lansky
2003). In the depressive position a person is able to perceive the other as a whole,
separate object that is both good and bad (Brown 2003; Klein 1985; Likierman
2001). Thus the infant realises that it is the significant other who is both good and
nurturing and bad and withholding. The self and the other are now organised by
feelings and thinking states, and the self is experienced as separate from the other
(Robbins and Goicoechea 2005).
The two positions stand in dialectical relationship with each other in that the
positions create, negate and maintain each other into adulthood. In the dialectical
interplay between the disintegrative tendencies of the paranoid-schizoid position
and the integrative tendencies of the depressive position new psychological pos-
sibilities emerge creatively, without the descent into either total fragmentation or
severe psychological rigidity (Robbins and Goicoechea 2005, p. 197). It is
important to bear in mind that the depressive position cannot be completely
maintained, because once the self-esteem is threatened (possibly through hidden
shame) the person in his/her adult life tends to regress to functioning from the
paranoid-schizoid position (Likierman 2001).
50 M. May

2.6 Socially Constructed Defences

2.6.1 Social Systems as a Defence Against Anxiety

Thus far, I have been discussing the psychodynamics of the infant. I consider this
discussion necessary because it will elucidate the discussion of systems psycho-
dynamics within organisations. Klein’s understanding of the relationship between
the (m)other and the infant has been applied to the relationship between the indi-
vidual. and groups (see Fig. 2.1), as well as between groups in the organisation
(Powell Pruitt and Barber 2004).
These unconscious pairings between the self and its objects in the inner world
affect daily functioning in three ways:
• Unconscious projection of the inner world onto external reality;
• Unconscious choice of relationships that repeat the inner dramas (transference
and countertransference); and
• Through projective identification (Stadter 2011).
Klein’s ideas were later applied to adult behaviour in organisations by Jaques,
Menzies Lyth, Miller and Rice. Jaques and Menzies Lyth built on the work of
Klein, in particular the ideas of primitive anxieties and the defence mechanism
mobilised in the paranoid-schizoid and depressive position, to develop social sys-
tems as a defence against persecutory and depressive anxiety (Long 2004).
The underlying assumption is that anxiety is specific to, and rises from, the
nature of the work and from one’s interpersonal relationships linked to one’s
position in the organisation (Jaques 1990; Menzies Lyth 1960, 1990). Individuals in
organisations defend against the anxiety-provoking content and the difficulties of
collaborating to accomplish a common task, by organising and using the structure
of the organisation in the service of defence-related and not work-related func-
tioning (Amado 1995; Jaques 1990; Menzies Lyth 1990). Thus, the organisation is
being used by its stakeholders as an anxiety-holding system, and to prevent people

Infant’s relationship with mother Individual’s relationship with group

- Struggles with fusing/joining and separating/isolation
- Experiences both nurturance and frustration
- Experiences strong ambivalent feelings
- Experiences both love and hate simultaneously
- Elicits defenses mechanism of splitting and projective
identification to cope with ambivalence
- Struggles with tension between engulfment and
estrangement

Fig. 2.1 Parallels between infants with mothers and individuals with groups. Source Wells
(1985), p. 117
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 51

from experiencing the anxieties generated by their work and interpersonal rela-
tionships (Long 2004).
Thus, social systems as a defence against anxiety explicate the dynamics of a
particular organisation by exploring the parallel between individual defences and
the social defences used by individuals and groups in a social system. Of critical
importance is that the use of projective and introjective processes alleviates per-
secutory (the other experienced as bad) and depressive (the other experienced as
both good and bad) anxiety experienced within care-giving or dependency-oriented
organisations (Jaques 1990; Menzies Lyth 1990; Powell Pruitt and Barber 2004;
Young 1995). In other words, members of social systems employ social defences,
separate from conscious behaviour, to deal with work and interpersonal relation-
ships that may be psychologically demanding (Mnguni 2012; Powell Pruitt and
Barber 2004; Young 1995).

2.6.2 Social Systems as an Envious Attack

Stein (2000) proposes that within systems psychodynamic thinking, social systems
as defences against anxiety have been developed extensively, resulting in the
defence against anxiety paradigm. A new paradigm, namely the social system as
envious attack, has been proposed by Stein (2000). Although envy and defen-
siveness may occur together, they are conceptually entirely distinct (Stein 2000).
Thus, it is proposed that social systems are characterised by both envy and defences
against anxiety, simultaneously or at different times, levels and parts (Stein 2000).
Several authors have proposed that envy is a destructive phenomenon in groups,
organisations and society (Bion 1985; Mouly and Sankaram 2002; Stein 2000). The
conceptualisation of envy assists in focusing on modes of activity that are attacking,
and not only those that are defensive, in a group, organisation and society (Bion
1985; Stein 2000). Czander (1993) proposes that envy underlies all conflict within
organisations. According to Mouly and Sankaram (2002) envy threatens hope in
organisations.
According to Mollon (2002), envy, jealousy and shame are intimately related.
Through shame the individual become disconnected and feels inferior, misunder-
stood or excluded from the other, which could lead to the experience of envy and
jealousy. Importantly, envy results when the desired other is experienced as sep-
arate and unavailable, while jealousy is experienced when we perceive that our
desired place with the other will be or is being occupied by a rival (Klein 1975).
Aloofness towards, contempt for, and devaluation of, the other could be defences
against envy, shame and jealousy (Mollon 2002).
52 M. May

2.6.3 Hidden Shame Buried in the Envious Attack

Shame intersects with the manifestation of envy, in that the envious attack can also
be understood within the social systems as a defence against anxiety. In this case
the envious attack is a defence against the anxiety of the experience of unbearable
shame and perceived deficit. The precipitating or trigger event behind an envious
attack is “the searing, painful experience of shame”. This painful experience of
shame results from the implicit self-comparison in the envious attack where the self
is experienced as inferior, lacking or defective in the context of the other’s success,
creativity or good fortune in general. This experience of shame denotes hidden
shame embedded in the comparative aspect of the envious attack. Thus, the envious
attack as defence against the anxiety about the experience of shame is an attempt to
deal with and/or expel the unbearable feelings of shame (Kane 2012).
Related to the concept of hidden shame is the expression of contempt as a
defence against shame. The expression of contempt is an attempt by the individual
to keep shame from consciousness by locating it into another through projective
identification (Kane 2012). Projective identification refers to an unconscious
interpersonal interaction in which the individual splits off and puts part of
him/herself into an external object (the other)—the recipient of the projection. The
recipient of a projection reacts to projected feeling as if unconsciously identifying
with the projected feelings (Ogden 1983). Czander (1993) also proposes that pro-
jective identification requires unconscious collusion between the projector and the
object or recipient, i.e. willingness on the part of the other to accept and behave in
accordance with the projections.
Now how does projective identification relate to hidden shame? A person
defends against the awareness of shame based on internalised object relations by
projecting shame into a recipient (an external object). The recipient then identifies
with the shame and behaves as a person who experiences shame. The projector is
then free from shame and can hold onto contempt for the recipient who identified
with the shame. In this way the projector’s shame remains hidden and unprocessed.
Although the example is of an individual, projective identification can occur
between an individual and a (cultural) group, between (cultural) groups and
between a group and an organisation. It would be useful to think about how groups
around you and in organisations could be using projective identification to ensure
that their shame remain hidden in the intragroup and intergroup interaction.

2.7 Case Study

Research in a historically black university (HBU) in South Africa explored the

intergroup psychodynamics between students, lecturers and management from the
lecturers’ perspective (May 2010). A qualitative research method based on
hermeneutic phenomenology, using a single case study design and the systems
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 53

psychodynamic perspective, allowed for the exploration of the lecturers’ (emotional)

experiences of their relationship with students and management in a particular HBU.
Through convenience sampling (Endacott 2005), nine lecturers (eight white and
one black lecturer) from a department at an HBU participated in conversations
about their experiences at that institution (Table 2.1). Data collection entailed
hermeneutic conversations with the nine lecturers from the HBU. Each interview
started with a single open–ended question—namely, please tell me the story of your
experiences as a lecturer at this university. Questions based on what the lecturers
said were generated thereafter. The interviews were recorded and transcribed. In the
analysis, interpretation and reporting of the findings, the interpretive stance pro-
posed by Shapiro and Carr (1991) was used. This analysis and interpretation
entailed a collaborative dimension. The analysed data was sent to the lecturers to
ascertain whether the analysis was a reflection of their experiences, and to experts in
the systems psychodynamic perspective to ascertain whether the interpretations
were plausible. With regard to ethics, informed consent was verbally obtained from
the lecturers by describing the project and explaining that the data would be
interpreted through the systems psychodynamic lens. The lecturers’ confidentiality
and anonymity were ensured by storing the audiotapes and transcripts of the data
safely, and excluding certain identifying aspects from the data (see Christians
2005).
The findings of the research suggest that the relationship between students,
lecturers and management was buried in different layers of difference (race, power,
authority, white/black culture, socio-political aspects and language) (May 2010,
2012). Given the polarised South African socio-cultural landscape (see Mnguni
2012), I suggest that the South African white groups adhere more to the “ethics of
autonomy”, whereas the South African black groups adhere more to the “ethics of
community” (see Shweder 2003). This suggests cultural differences between white
and black people in South Africa. In the discussion of the findings I will focus on
how the intersection between culture and race amplified the split between the three
stakeholders entrenching the shame dynamics operating between the students and
the lecturers.
The HBU, as a social system, recruited members or subsystems (black students,
white lecturers and black management) into new roles through which they could
enact envious attacks on behalf of the HBU generally, and the three stakeholders

Table 2.1 Biographical information of the sample (N = 9)

Race Gender Position Age
White Female Management/Senior lecturer n = 1 Above 40 n = 2
n=8 n=6 Senior lecturer n = 1 Between 30 and 40 n = 1
Lecturer n = 4 Below 30 n = 3
Male Senior lecturer n = 1 Between 30 and 40 n = 1
n=2 Lecturer n = 1 Below 30 n = 1
Black Male Lecturer Below 30
n=1 n=1 n=1 n=1
n number
54 M. May

specifically (see Stein 2000). The envious attack results from desiring that which is
perceived to be good and desirable across diversity characteristics, with particular
reference to the intersection between culture and race. For example the black stu-
dents may have experienced the white lecturers as withholding their knowledge. As
suggested by May (2010) the HBU, through its subsystems, launches
• A violent, envious attack on learning, thinking and creativity;
• A deeply damaging attack on linking between the three stakeholders at the
intersection between race and culture; and
• An envious attack on all forms of leadership at the intersection between culture
and race.
The above discussion gives us some clues about how hidden shame dynamics
operated among the three groups in the HBU. In order to obtain even more clarity, I
emphasise the relationship between the students and the lecturers to illustrate the
hidden shame dynamics operating in this relationship. The mother-infant relations
are reconstructed in the lecturing and learning relationship. In the lecturing and
learning relationship the lecturers provide opportunities for the students to take in
and retain knowledge through learning. However, the students could experience
teaching and learning as a threatening attack on their sense of self. It is important to
bear in mind that the lecturing-learning relationship is also marked by oscillations
between satisfaction and frustration, resulting in a non-pathological cyclical
recurrence of the paranoid-schizoid and depressive position (Windland 2003).
Perhaps the students experienced learning, tests and examination as a threatening
attack on their sense of self. The students’ possible experience of an attack on their
sense of self was especially evident from the description of a department as “the
Vlakplaas of the university”, as mentioned by some of the lecturers (May 2010).
Vlakplaas was the base of operations of an apartheid-era security police hit squad.
Furthermore, students could have experienced learning as an attack by the lecturers
on their sense of self, due to not-knowing and the unconscious demands of tests and
examinations, which are intrinsically linked to issues of competition, rivalry, envy,
grandiosity, denigration and contempt (Mollon 2002). The findings suggest that
examinations and tests entrench an aggressive retaliation from students towards
lecturers, for an experienced attack against their sense of self. Students may
experience shame as a signal anxiety, instigating a defence against the painful
awareness of possible incompetence or inferiority in the presence of the external
object (the lecturers). It seems that shame as a defence operating in the relationship
between the students and lecturers perpetuates a destructive attack from (black)
students against (white) lecturers as a way of defending against shameful, forbidden
aspects related to failure in relation to (white) lecturers (May 2010, 2012). It is
proposed that these overwhelming feelings experienced by the students could be
compounded by the complexities linked to cultural, socio-political and
socio-historical factors (Abdi 2002) and other diversity characteristics (Cilliers and
May 2002; May 2012; May and Cilliers 2002; Powell Pruitt and Barber 2004)
especially race, inherent in the relationship between students and lecturers. In other
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 55

words it would be useful to explore internalised object relations between the stu-
dents and lecturers at the intersection of culture and race and how these impact on
shame as a defence against the awareness of incompetence or inferiority.
Through the envious attack the students possibly projected hidden shame into
the lecturers, and the lecturers may have identified the projections and behaved as if
they were shamed, linked to their apparent inability to provide an optimal learning
—lecturing context for the students. In this unconscious collusive communication
through projective identification, the students can hold onto contempt for the lec-
turers who identified with the shame. In this way the students’ shame remains
hidden and unprocessed.
This could be an instance where the lecturers experience shame resulting from
narcissistic self-evaluation (through the eye of the other), which could result in social
annihilation from the management of the HBU and their peers in education. In other
words the lecturers’ ego-ideal (a set of standard, ideals and role expectation) (Lansky
2005) may be under threat due to experiencing themselves a being seen as bad
lecturers by students, management and peers. The lecturers probably also projected
their shame into the students, the students identified with the shame, the lecturers
could be free of the shame and hold onto feelings of superiority and competence.
Thus, the students’ non-achievement or underachievement became a (k)not of
achievement, because the processes of learning and lecturing were primarily
impacted by destructive psychodynamics—the ricocheting of primarily negative
projections back and forth between students and lecturers (Cummins 2000).
In an ideal situation the lecturers should then introject and transform the hidden
shame for the students. In other words the other should attempt to understand the
communication about hidden shame, i.e. think about it, and in so doing provide
containment for the student (Ward 1993). The other should provide reverie, a calm
receptivity towards the communication—a willingness to introject and make sense of
the communication (Biran 2003). The lecturer has to maintain nurturing in the face of
hidden shame, envy, and jealousy that can arise when the students experience frus-
tration, apprehension, fear and loss when they have to learn with others in the lecture
hall and compete with others in the examination hall (see Ward 1993). Thus, the
lecturers demonstrate to the students that the hidden shame, i.e. the defence against the
awareness of inferiority and incompetence, can be understood, thought about and
tolerated. The students internalise this supportive container and hold the internal
destructive elements. Through this process the student begins to develop his/her own
capacity for reflecting on his/her own state of mind. In this case the student introjects
and identifies (introjective identification) with the containing object (the lecturer)
(Biran 2003), apparently “correcting” some of the compromised object relations.
In order to capacitate lecturers to provide a containing environment for students,
it is imperative that management creates holding environments for lecturers to deal
with their hidden shame resulting from their narcissistic self-evaluation. In psy-
chology, thought is often given to care for the practitioner. In the same way, care for
the lecturers should be encouraged by creating spaces where lecturers can work,
using a systems psychodynamic perspective, with their experiences and the chal-
lenges they face from different stakeholders. Of course these lecturers may discover
56 M. May

Fig. 2.2 Essays on shame (Siopis 2005)

how they collude with the system’s psychodynamics. This could be painful and
disturbing, but also liberating and filled with learning (as this research project has
been for me). In this way, internal holding environments (Alford 2002) (pertaining
to the intra-psychic wellness of the lecturers and to physical spaces in the univer-
sity) for difficult conversations will be created.

2.8 Conclusion

It is clear that systems psychodynamics has a contribution to make to our under-

standing of shame. I present a painting (Fig 2.2) by the South African artist Siopis
(2005). The painting illustrates the intrapsychic dynamics of shame, with its roots in
infancy often hidden from the self and others. The painting was part of an exhi-
bition entitled “Three Essays on Shame”, exploring the significance of shame in
wide cultural themes, held in the Freud museum in London from 4 June to 10 July
2005. I offer this painting as an image for further reflection and meaning-making
about what other dynamics the (white) lecturers may see and experience when
unconsciously looking at the (black) students and (black) management. To me, in
this painting the internalized object relations (represented by the child in an adult or
an adult within a child) operating at the intersection between culture and race do not
look overwhelming, or result in social annihilation. Perhaps the individual or the
individual as representation of cultural groups has made time to be in the presence
of, and process, the intrapsychic and intergroup shame dynamics?
2 Shame! A System Psychodynamic Perspective 57

Through systems psychodynamics it is evident that practitioners can create

holding environments in which shame dynamics can be processed in order to ensure
the intra-psychic and intergroup wellness of individuals, groups and organisations.
To do this, interventions from positive psychology can be used. However, I
highlight how systems psychodynamics encourages the creation of holding envi-
ronments (psychic and physical) to process by being in the presence of apparently
destructive elements such as shame. Perhaps positive psychology has something to
learn from system psychodynamics about being in the presence of, and surviving,
apparently destructive elements such as shame?!

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Chapter 3
Shame as a Functional and Adaptive
Emotion: A Biopsychosocial Perspective

Markus van Alphen

Abstract This chapter concentrates on emotion as the essential ingredient for

human experience and primary motivating force behind all behaviour: All emotion
is thereby both functional and adaptive, not something troublesome that needs to be
brought under control. Also shame, one of the negative self-conscious emotions, is
then by definition both functional and adaptive. This chapter starts by providing a
theoretical synthesis of several old and current emotion theories into what is called a
bio-psychosocial model of emotion. This means that emotions have a biological
element, an intra-psychological element as well as a social element. Especially the
social element of emotion translates directly into social behaviour and thereby
forms the basis of the functionality of emotion. The position of shame is then
clarified vis-à-vis other negative self-conscious emotions, amongst others by con-
sidering the difference between shame, guilt and embarrassment and the typical
ways people react to these three. From here on the focus shifts to shame, probably
the least understood emotion and one which also has a huge impact on people’s
functioning. The whole chapter focuses on emotion and shame in terms of that
which all cultures largely have in common rather than on cross-cultural differences,
which is the subject of later chapters.

3.1 Introduction

Before dealing with shame specifically, it is wise to put it into perspective in its
wider context, that of emotion. Emotion could be seen as something troublesome
that needs to be brought under control, yet this is a rather limiting perspective. It is
only when emotion is seen as adaptive, functional and that which gives meaning to
an individual’s life, that how it influences learning, behaviour and (psychological)

M. van Alphen (&)

Schotlandstraat 85, 2034 LC Haarlem, The Netherlands
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 61

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_3
62 M. van Alphen

functioning may be appreciated. From this general point of view on emotion, shame
is considered. Shame is probably the least understood emotion, yet one which also
has a huge impact on people’s functioning.
This chapter focuses on emotion and shame in terms of that which all cultures
largely have in common rather than on cross-cultural differences. To begin, emotion
will be placed into perspective by providing a biopsychosocial model of behaviour.
Then a theoretical synthesis of several old and current emotion theories is provided
as a biopsychosocial model of emotion. This then lays the basis for the concept of
functionality of emotion, which in essence fits well with the principles of positive
psychology: Seeing things in terms of the possibilities they create rather than their
impossibilities. Using this biopsychosocial model as point of departure, the position
of shame vis-à-vis other negative emotions is then clarified, as are the
self-conscious emotions, moral emotions, etcetera. The chapter then directs its
attention to shame itself, paying particular attention to the difference between
shame, guilt and embarrassment and the typical ways people react to these three.

3.2 A Biopsychosocial Model of Behaviour

The word emotion comes from the Latin word emovere, which literally means to
“out move”—that which causes someone to move. Emotion is therefore the
foundation from which people act. A natural starting point is therefore to consider
behaviour, for which a model proposed by Watkins (2013) will be used, adapted
and slightly adjusted to fit the terminology generally used in the field of psychol-
ogy. In his model, behaviour is like the roof of a building and the building rep-
resents the person’s behavioural skills. Generally people think that having the
necessary skills is sufficient to demonstrate adequate behaviour. However merely
having a skill will not guarantee it will actually be used.
Before demonstrating a particular skill, the person needs to believe that applying
it will have the desired effect. This requires confidence in one’s own ability, the
so-called self-efficacy (Bandura 1977). Being a belief places self-efficacy in the
cognitive (or thinking) domain. Whereas skills and behaviour are visible, cognitions
aren’t. They are under the surface and form the first cellar of the building as
depicted in Fig. 3.1. In other words, the way one thinks influences which skills are
actually deployed and thereby one’s behaviour.
Thoughts and beliefs don’t occur in a vacuum, however. They are coloured by
the way a person feels, both how he or she has felt in the past as well as in the
here-and-now. The second cellar is therefore the constant ebb and flow of ever-
changing feelings. A person needs more than only think he or she can do some-
thing, he or she also needs to feel it. And that feeling is emotional more than
cognitive. Also one’s mood will determine which skills one chooses to implement
and which not. This is why there are more arrows from the emotional landscape to
the cognitive domain than from thinking to feelings: How one thinks does influence
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 63

Fig. 3.1 Pieter Houtekamer: a biopsychosocial model of behaviour (adapted from Watkins 2013)

how one feels, but nowhere nearly as strongly as the other way around. And
self-esteem, self-confidence and mood even directly influence (how and how well)
one is able to execute the skills at one’s disposal.
This doesn’t yet complete the picture, though. What causes these feelings to
constantly change will be dealt with to some depth in the next paragraph. In brief,
this is due to basic emotional reflexes: The human body is wired to react in a certain
way, whereby a person actually feels his or her feelings physically. These basic
emotional reflexes form the third cellar under the building. And under this third
cellar the foundation may finally be found: The physiology. It is via the senses
(sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch) and via the body that stimuli, transformed
into electrical, electromagnetic and biochemical signals, trigger the basic emotional
reflexes. And these stimuli are the things that are encountered in the outside world.
This completes the circle: Behaviour elicits a reaction from the environment,
which is perceived via the senses, leading to electrical, electromagnetic and bio-
chemical changes in the body. These in turn trigger basic emotional reflexes, which
bring about change in the emotional landscape, resulting in the experience of a
feeling. This feeling affects the cognitive apparatus and which skills one chooses to
implement, again influencing behaviour.
What is then meant by a biopsychosocial model of behaviour? The term
biopsychosocial comes from a broader paradigm as how to view the human being.
For example, in the medical model it’s all about the body and the body can be seen
as a machine: Function and dysfunction are the result of a properly or improperly
64 M. van Alphen

running machine (the body). The biopsychosocial paradigm takes a more holistic
view. By no means a new view, as Tomkins already worked using this perspective
in the 1950s (Tomkins 1995). The paradigm regained popularity towards the turn of
the century with proponents such as Kiesler (1999) suggesting mental health should
be viewed more broadly than merely from point of view of the medical model. In
this biopsychosocial paradigm, human experience is the result of an interaction
between three areas:
• biological;
• psychological and
• social.
Both positive and negative experience arises due to changes in one or more of
these areas. However, the interrelatedness of these areas sees to it that any change in
one area automatically induces change in the other two areas. Human experience
therefore is the result of both the operation of and the interaction between these
various arenas.
To translate the model of behaviour into these three areas: The biological area is
represented by the senses, the physiology and the basic emotional reflexes. The
psychological area is represented by the emotions and cognitions. The social arena
is that which is in the exterior world: Not only the person’s skills demonstrated as
behaviour, but also the reactions this behaviour elicits. To summarize: The
biopsychosocial model of behaviour illustrates how the three areas influence one
another and puts the importance of the emotions centre stage.

3.3 Biology and the Basic Emotional Reflexes

To understand emotions and how they arise, the biology of emotion needs to be
considered first, starting with the brain. Specifically a little organ in the midbrain
called the amygdala.

3.3.1 The Limbic System and the Amygdala

LeDoux (1996) discovered the role of the amygdala in how a new situation is
processed, leading to a dual path: A quick and dirty route versus a slow and
thorough route. To illustrate with an example: Strolling in the garden at dusk a man
suddenly sees a snake. He catches fright and directs all his attention to this snake.
Biologically, the amygdala interpreted the signal and sent the alarm. He doesn’t
need to think about it, it happens automatically and his body is rapidly brought into
a state of preparedness. Corticosteroids (so-called stress hormones) are released, in
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 65

turn causing adrenaline to flow into his bloodstream, causing his heart rate to
increase, his breathing to speed up and energy to be freed up via his liver. All his
resources are activated and energy is sent to his muscles so that he is ready to deal
with the situation. This is the so-called fight-flight-freeze reflex. From an evolu-
tionary standpoint very sensible: He is ready to fight his way out of the situation,
run away from it or to freeze dead in his tracks. It increases his chance of survival.
From the human evolution he “knows” that snakes don’t see too well and that his
best chance for survival is to freeze. If he stands very still, chances are the snake
won’t even see him and therefore won’t bite him. In the meantime the information
has also been passed on to the neocortex, the slow and thorough processing
commences and the finer details become noticeable. Aha. It isn’t a snake, but the
garden hose! If it were to bite him (which it cannot) there wouldn’t be any adverse
effects. The state of alarm is called off, his heart rate returns to normal, he breathes a
little more comfortably and his attention can relax.
The amygdala thereby has an effect on emotional experience in a very functional
way. Research on the limbic system in the brain, specifically the size of the caudate
nucleus, implies a relationship between how anxiously people are inclined to be
generally (Delgado et al. 2004). The amygdala and caudate nucleus are presented
by way of example, as a wealth of research is available about how physiological
organs and processes affect the emotions. Also one’s genetic makeup provides
certain predispositions, which affect one’s propensity to experience emotion, just as
it has a role in temperament.

3.3.2 Neuropeptides

Research initiated by the late medical doctor Candace Pert ascribes an important
role in emotional experience to small substances called neuropeptides (Pert 1997).
She named them the molecules of emotion. They are found in the brain and are even
produced by ordinary body cells. More than 100 different types have been dis-
covered in the brain alone. These neuropeptides are released whenever an emotion
is experienced and influence at cell level how emotions are physically felt. It seems
that the hypothalamus is partially responsible for the release of neuropeptides, but
that they are also released via the “memory” of individual body cells.
These neuropeptides attach themselves to receptors on the cell wall, allowing
certain nutrients and other substances to enter and leave the cell (or block them
from doing so). This means the experience of emotion affects the physiology at
cellular level! It also gives an explanation why emotions are felt physically. The
direction of causality is a still unanswered question: Do the emotions cause the
release of neuropeptides or is it the other way around: Because neuropeptides are
released a physical feeling is experienced that leads to an emotional experience?
66 M. van Alphen

3.3.3 Basic Emotional Reflexes

It is obvious that newly-born babies experience something. As they cannot be asked

about their experiences, it may be deduced from their behaviour. From many
sources, such as research in the 1950s by Tomkins (1995), in the 1970s by Ekman
(1980) and many others inspired by them, it seems that irrespective of culture,
certain bodily responses are displayed uniformly by all babies and are already
present at birth. This leads to the deduction that certain basic responses and reflexes
are biologically wired: They are innate, not acquired. Some of these reflexes dis-
appear as the baby grows up, others remain throughout the entire lifetime.
From a very young age babies are able to imitate facial expressions, according to
Field and Walden (1982) already from some minutes after birth. These are very
basic imitations, which do not seem to be committed to memory. From the age of
about 10 months, imitation seems to be accompanied by some form of con-
sciousness (Legerstee and Markova 2008). All this kind of research raises the
question about when a facial expression is nothing more than that, or the reflection
of an inner emotional experience. This discussion may be avoided, as what is
known is that adult facial expression to some degree reflects the emotion being
experienced internally. To some degree, as people are socialized into rules for
appropriate display of emotion. In this paragraph the emotions people experience
are not yet being considered, but the basic physiological expressions, which seem to
be inborn. To emphasize this, the author uses the term basic emotional reflex (and
not the confusing term affect programmes as used by Tomkins and others, which
seems to imply a psychological experience):
Basic emotional reflex: Biological. When a basic emotional reflex is triggered (by a
definable stimulus) a mechanism is activated which leads to a chain of biochemical and
physiological events that are felt (experienced) physically.

Point of departure is that these basic emotional reflexes help one to react
appropriately to situations (by directing one’s attention to what is important, for
example) and to elicit appropriate attention from caregivers. Tomkins (1995)
describes nine of these basic emotional reflexes, which he explains as directing the
learning processes and by extension all human experience, ranging from very basic
in the baby to a complex interaction between biology and psychological meaning in
the adult. His theory in brief is that every basic emotional reflex has a certain
“colour” and when triggered it colours experience to a certain intensity, see
Table 3.1. Through learning processes a person associates the experience of these
basic emotional reflexes with situations, whereby meaning is given to those situ-
ations. In this sense the basic emotional reflexes tell one physically what is
important and to what one should devote one’s current attention.
The basic emotional reflexes can be divided into three broad categories based on
valence, depending on how they are experienced: Two positive, six negative and
one neutral. The biological purpose is logical: It is important that one can estimate
what requires attention and what doesn’t. From an evolutionary point of view very
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 67

Table 3.1 The nine basic emotional reflexes according to Tomkins

Category Colour Expression via the body
Negative Distress— Sobbing, crying, eyebrows arched upwards, tears, red cheeks,
anguish flailing arms and legs. See Fig. 3.2
Distaste Neck forward and head down, lower lip and tongue protruded
(as when spitting out something that tastes foul)
Dissmell Upper lip drawn upward, nose wrinkled and head drawn back
(as in avoiding something that smells bad)
Anger—rage General muscular tension, clenched jaws or screaming,
eyebrows down, red face, increased heart rate and rapid
breathing (fight-response)
Fear— terror Eyes wide (and tracking that which causes fear), lower eyelids
tensed; eyebrows raised and drawn together; face pale, increased
heart rate and rapid breathing (flight-freeze response)
Interruption Looks away, the neck muscles relax so that the head falls,
turning away or hiding, blushing.
Neutral Surprise—startle Blinking of the eyes, eyebrows up, eyes wide, the “oh!” effect.
See Fig. 3.4
Positive Interest— Tracking with the eyes, gazing, eyebrows down, slightly raised
excitement heartbeat and breathing
Enjoyment—joy Relaxed face, mouth (slightly) open, smiling, gleaming eyes,
laughing. See Fig. 3.5

adaptive: If nothing would draw one’s attention, the first hungry lion would quite
easily enjoy one as his next meal. In our current society to a broader degree, as it’s
now about more than only physical survival. In a complex world a person con-
stantly needs to divide his or her attention between various things and determine
what has priority right now. That selection process requires consciousness and
Tomkins suggests that nothing enters consciousness, nothing becomes urgent, until
it is first amplified by a (biological) emotional reflex. In brief: Something happens
in the body that serves as signal. As these reflexes are biological, they always
operate whenever triggered, irrespective whether the person is consciously aware of
them or not.
A number of these basic emotional reflexes may be recognized in Figs. 3.2, 3.4
and 3.5. A remark concerning their names: Some of them are named after adult
emotions (Tomkins even uses the term “shame” for the interruption reflex). This
does not imply that babies experience these basic emotional reflexes as emotions or
the same way adults do when they experience that emotion. It is the bodily and
facial expression that coincides with the typical expression when adults experience
that emotion.
Experience isn’t solely due to processes in the brain, but a complex game
between biological (biochemical and physiological), psychological and social fac-
tors—the biopsychosocial principle. It is only once a person becomes aware that a
basic emotional reflex has been triggered (which requires some degree of con-
sciousness) and depending on the intensity and the context, before it will get
68 M. van Alphen

Fig. 3.2 Wilma van Heerden: basic response “distress”

Fig. 3.3 Pieter Houtekamer: basic emotional reflexes, scripts and experience

meaning in what Tomkins calls a script. Such scripts can be very basic, yet as
development progresses they become more complex as both scripts and basic
responses are combined into new scripts. This is a largely unconscious learning
process, of which the basic emotional reflexes are the biological building blocks,
see Fig. 3.3. Scripts enable the human being to react appropriately (that is, as learnt)
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 69

and quickly in almost every known situation, without requiring much energy from
the thinking apparatus. Very adaptive from an evolutionary standpoint: This frees
up resources to pay attention to other stimuli. To summarize: Scripts are the
building blocks of human experience and thereby the primary motivator of
behaviour.
It is only after a basic emotional reflex has been triggered that a situation actually
draws one’s attention: It “loads” it so as to motivate one to do something with that
situation. And similarly, just as an actual situation “does something with one”, the
same goes for memories. They too are loaded by the basic emotional reflexes they
trigger in the person. By the intensity of the response the person knows what is
important, what deserves attention and what kind of reaction may be appropriate.
This is why they are the primary motivator for learning, as future choices and
behaviour are based on what similar choices brought about on previous occasions.
Tomkins says that all behaviour is motivated by the urge to increase positive
experience and reduce negative experience and it is this principle that also drives
learning in a social context. It boils down to that which one becomes aware of in a
(social) situation, is brought to one’s attention by a basic emotional reflex (biology),
leading to the experience of a feeling (physiological). This feeling is given meaning
from the individual’s history (library of scripts in memory) leading to an (emo-
tional) experience (psychological).
About the difference between various basic emotional reflexes: Probably the
most primary is surprise (Fig. 3.4), or in its more intense form, the startle response.
Its purpose clearly is to draw the attention to something new or to an important
change in the environment. It causes one to transfer one’s attention from what one
was doing to this new stimulus. It is most visible in the eyes, the raised eyebrows

Fig. 3.4 Wilma van Heerden: basic emotional reflex “surprise”

70 M. van Alphen

and the open mouth. Also adults display a similar facial expression. Even when
repressed it may be noticed by a slightly raised eyebrow (of one or both eyes).
The difference between interest and surprise is subtle: Where surprise captures
the attention, interest holds the attention. Surprise is short-lived, a kind of reset
button. When this flows over into interest, the eyes remain wide and the interesting
stimulus is tracked. The major difference in facial expression is that the mouth
relaxes.
The four negative basic emotional reflexes that are most easily recognized (both
in adults and in children) are fear, anger, distaste and dissmell. With fear the wide
eyes and the wrinkled forehead are characteristic and with anger the lowered
eyebrows. Distaste, as the name implies, renders a facial expression as when food
that in first instance looks good is eaten, but found to taste bad and spat out. Dismell
is the same, except that it is as food which smells bad and isn’t actually eaten: The
turned up nose is an attempt to distance oneself from this bad smelling (and
therefore to be avoided) substance.
The basic emotional reflex joy (Fig. 3.5) is usually easy to recognize due to the
smile and the generally positive appearance. The most difficult to explain is the
basic emotional reflex interruption (which Tomkins calls shame, easily confused
with the adult emotion shame). It is not possible to forever find a new stimulus
interesting, nor will something that gives joy keep doing that into eternity.
Something (biochemical and physiological) needs to interrupt that stream. This
means turning away from the stimulus by the relaxation of the muscles in the neck,
so that the stimulus is no longer the centre of attention. Take the Western norm
regarding eye contact by way of example: If one didn’t regularly break eye contact
whilst speaking with another person, it would lead to staring. Ultimately either or

Fig. 3.5 Pieter Houtekamer: basic emotional reflex “joy”

3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 71

both parties is going to feel uncomfortable. The natural making and breaking of eye
contact is a perfect example of the basic emotional reflex interruption regulating
behaviour so that an uncomfortable feeling is avoided.
To reiterate: Do not see the basic emotional reflexes as emotions. What is true is
that by recognizing which basic emotional reflexes have been triggered one can
make a better estimation of the emotions the other is experiencing. Remember
though, that the display of emotions is a cultural phenomenon. So although all have
the culturally independent biology and physiology with which to express emotion,
how one actually gives expression to what one is feeling internally, is bound by all
kinds of social and cultural norms. For example: In the Japanese culture it is
inappropriate to let another lose face. So even when seething on the inside, a good
face and smile will be kept so as not to affront the other. The trained observer will
however see other cues behind the smile and with his or her knowledge of cultural
differences still make a better estimation of the internal state of the other. To repeat
again: the anger in the example above is an emotion. The smile is a physiological/
biological response. Emotions are however more than the physiological and bio-
chemical responses that give one the ability to experience and express emotions.

3.3.4 The Biology of Emotion

To recapitulate: The body is wired to respond to the outside world. The limbic
system plays an important role in how the outside world is interpreted, leading to
triggering of the basic emotional reflexes. These in turn may be seen as the physical
(i.e. physiological and biochemical) building blocks of experience. By causing
certain reactions in the body, they motivate one towards seeking positive experience
and avoiding negative ones. Via learning processes people unconsciously associate
these physiological reactions, the intensity to which they are activated and the
context wherein they are triggered into so-called scripts. These scripts become ever
more complex and enable people to experience situations, making them the primary
motivators of behaviour. Neuropeptides give a possible explanation to why emo-
tions are experienced physically.

3.4 A Biopsychosocial Model of Emotion

That people experience emotions is an obvious statement of fact. When studying

psychological theory on what exactly an emotion is, it becomes somewhat more
difficult. A number of theories exist that overlap here and there and differ from each
other in other areas. In this paragraph a model of emotion is introduced that is a
synthesis of several theories, leading to a broader, if not different role for emotions.
Often the terms feeling, emotion and mood are used interchangeably, hence first
some definitions (Nathanson 1996):
72 M. van Alphen

Feeling: Consciousness plays an important role: A feeling is experienced when an indi-

vidual becomes aware that a basic emotional reflex has been triggered. It is physical.
Emotion: An emotion is a complex combination of basic emotional reflex patterns and
memory of previous experiences in which these were undergone. Basic emotional reflexes
are biology, emotions are biography. An emotion is dependent on a “story”. Each indi-
vidual experiences a certain emotion from his own perspective (acquired via socialization
and history).
Mood: A state of continued experience of a certain emotion, a state of being. Usually
temporary until it is no longer “fed” by memories or until something more important
captures the attention.
Mood disorder: When a negative mood is so persistent and salient that it disturbs daily
functioning.

As the biology of emotions has been dealt with to some extent, now some of the
classical psychological emotion theories will be briefly discussed:

3.4.1 James-Lange, Tomkins and Izard

One of the first theories linking emotion with experience has been dubbed the
James-Lange theory. Point of departure is that emotions are specific, by which is
meant that one does not need to question whether one is experiencing happiness or
fear, for example, as they are qualitatively different experiences. When scared of
snakes one will not need to think: “Oh, there is a snake. I am scared of snakes.” When
a snake is encountered instantaneously one undergoes an anxious reaction, which,
without needing to think about it, is experienced as fear. LeDoux’ (1996) theory on
how the amygdala regulate emotional responses supports this point of view: The
quick and dirty route that immediately causes a reaction. This short route is what the
James-Lange theory is about: When something happens in the environment one
immediately undergoes an emotional reaction and instantly knows which emotion is
being experienced. LeDoux’ long route is only activated when the intensity of the
reaction tells one that this is important enough to warrant one’s full attention.
People therefore seem to first experience and give meaning to what they are
experiencing afterwards and this is already hard-wired into the human biology. It
leads to the next discussion: To what degree are the emotions discrete, by which is
meant specific and distinguishable from one another. Does anxiety feel different
than sadness, for example? The theory that emotions are nothing more than a
non-specific state of arousal, to which meaning is given afterwards on the basis of
the environment (Schachter and Singer 1962), is not supported by research. See for
example Marshall and Zimbardo (1979), who tried replicating the experiment
without success. Tomkins (1995) says few people have actually taken the effort to
read the original article by Schachter and Singer. In his words:
… despite the fact that there was no statistically significant main effect and that those
significant effects reported were either small or in the wrong direction.
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 73

In brief the original article already shows that there is little support for this
theory, it seems to have been incorrectly cited by other authors.
Izard’s differential emotions theory which now goes under the name of the
discrete emotions theory (Izard et al. 2002) says there are a number of basic
emotions, but that these are rather broad categories of emotion. Each individual
creates his or her own emotional “programmes” from neuronal, hormonal, beha-
vioural and learning processes. These associations are based on experiences in the
past. These programmes show a marked likeness to Tomkins’ scripts, described in
Sect. 3.3 on basic emotional reflexes. The discrete emotions theory has a lot of
overlap with Tomkins’ theory generally, from which it is also derived. Researchers
do not entirely agree on the number of basic emotions: Ekman et al. (1982) cite six
(joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise and disgust) whereas the latest research distin-
guishes only four. Anger and disgust would be one and the same basic emotion, as
also surprise and fear (Jack et al. 2014).
The current thinking in the discrete emotions approach tries to explain the
richness of emotional experience using systems theory (Colombetti 2009). In the
systems theory approach there is also a role for intensity and difference in expe-
rience. Colombetti further challenges the idea of an “emotional episode”, by which
she means the ability to link the experience of a particular emotion to a specific
timeframe. In the systems approach emotion is constantly being experienced and
changes dynamically in reaction to several factors, which also constantly vary.
Another contemporary approach to emotions sees them as componential, con-
sisting of a subjective feeling component, a physiological component, a motor
expression component, and an action readiness component (Vandercammen et al.
2014). From this point of view individuals will first appraise whether an event is
relevant for their well-being and only if so, are the different emotion components
activated.

3.4.2 Social Function of Emotion

That the expression of emotion has a social function seems clear. Van Kleef (2009)
in his EASI-model (Emotions as Social Information) explains how emotions in a
social interaction give parties information on which they also act. People “read”
each other’s emotions, use this to judge the other’s mood while it simultaneously
elicits an emotion in them. In this model there are two factors that influence what
the impact of another’s emotion is on one’s own behaviour: Information processing
and social-relational factors, see Fig. 3.6.
By information processing is meant that both motivation and the possibility to
process need to be present before something is actually done with the emotional
information at one’s disposal. Motivation boils down to the intensity with which the
own basic responses are triggered: Only when something sufficiently “does
something” with one, will attention be given. The possibilities can depend on all
74 M. van Alphen

Fig. 3.6 Pieter Houtekamer: the emotion-as-social-information model by Van Kleef (2009)

kinds of thing. Someone with an autism spectrum disorder, for example, has a
deficit when it comes to being able to read others’ emotions. Or if something else
has priority at that moment, attention will be drawn to that, reducing the possibility
to interpret the other’s emotion.
Social-relational factors can be summarized as the nature of the relationship (for
example the mismatch in power between people), cultural norms (such as the
acceptable ways in which emotions may be expressed), on what the emotion is
directed (on the individual as person or on the environment) and how appropriate
the emotional expression is (for example displaying happiness in a situation which
most others experience as sad).
Of particular interest is the general difference between Eastern and Western
cultures regarding what constitutes good feelings and what constitutes bad feelings
in social situations (Kitayama et al. 2000). In a Western culture where individuality
is celebrated, good feelings are associated with independence, feelings of individual
confidence, etcetera. These feelings are associated with disengaged emotions,
which are emotions that separate the person from others and emphasize his or her
competence. In Eastern cultures the relationship between the self and the (direct)
social environment is more important, in other words the interdependence between
people is emphasized. When in harmony with others, these so-called engaged
emotions give rise to good feelings.
To sum up: A person will to some degree react on the emotional expression of
another (and vice versa) and the interpretation of another’s emotion is subject to
several factors. The point is, however, that emotions have a social function both in
terms of the reactions they elicit, as well as the appraisal the person interpreting
social emotions makes.
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 75

3.4.3 Emotion Regulation

In discussing the emotion-as-social-information model, another important aspect

was implicitly touched upon, that of emotion regulation. By this is implied that
people also to some extent process raw emotion and make decisions as to whether
give expression to their emotions (via their behaviour), to suppress them (both in
terms of expression via behaviour and in terms of how much they allow them to
affect them) or whether they should be reappraised (thereby giving them a different
meaning). The purpose of emotion regulation may be divided into two global aims,
hedonistic or instrumental. By hedonistic is meant a focus on the internal experi-
ence of emotion—generally people prefer to experience positive feelings above
negative feelings, that is, they like to feel good and avoid feeling bad. By instru-
mental is meant that via behaviour one is able to influence the environment to be
able to obtain certain (desired) results. A simple example is that by crying when
sad, sympathy and comfort from others may be obtained.
The emotion a person experiences at any given point of time may be viewed
from two dimensions. The emotional valence is the experience of how positive or
how negative an emotion is. The second dimension is the intensity: the stronger the
intensity, the more salient the emotion is. It was previously mentioned that an
emotion will need to impact the individual to a sufficient degree before something is
done with it, a so-called threshold. Above this threshold the intensity will also
determine the urgency with which the individual will need to react. In Fig. 3.7 a
simplified model is depicted for the emotion regulation system.
Stupar et al. (2015) found certain tendencies in how valence and intensity affect
emotional regulation. Their first conclusion is that the intensity of the emotion
(irrespective valence) has a positive correlation with its expression. They also
observed that the most reappraised and the most suppressed experiences are on
average the most negatively valenced experiences. This may be partially explained
by the evolutionary adaptive negativity bias: The tendency to pay more attention to
negative information (as negative information could mean a threat to one’s safety or
well-being).
In terms of intensity, they found that more intense emotions are less suppressed
and reappraised than less intense emotions. At the same time the variability in
emotion regulation increases as the intensity increases, implying that other factors
such as personality or context also play a role, especially when the emotional
experience is more intense. This isn’t such a strange result as one may think,
especially when regarding the emotion regulation system as being primarily a
cognitive process. As the intensity of emotion (especially negative emotion)
increases, one is driven ever further into the primary reaction mode due to the fight-
flight-freeze response, in which the limbic system “short-circuits” the neocortex in
an (adaptive) attempt to preserve life. In other words, the urgency to act overrides
other, less essential processes, including cognitive processes and the emotion
regulation system. This principle is easily demonstrated by considering an
76 M. van Alphen

Fig. 3.7 Pieter Houtekamer: a simplified model of emotion regulation

escalating fight in a relationship, where the longer the fight endures, the more
intense the emotions become, the less their expression is controlled and the less
reasonable the parties become (and the less effective rational arguments become!).
The last factor to include in this model is the role of culture. Culture doesn’t only
socialize one into what are appropriate and inappropriate ways to express one’s
emotions, but also affects the individual in terms of what he or she is allowed to feel
about himself or herself. By way of simple example, feeling proud of one’s
achievements is encouraged in the American culture, yet disapproved of in the more
traditional Dutch culture. Stupar et al. (2015) however found that culture had little
effect on the amount of social sharing and could only find a small influence of
culture on suppression (non-Western suppress more than Western) and a small
influence on reappraisal (non-Western reappraise more than Western).
For the purpose of the biopsychosocial model which will now be introduced, the
emotion regulation system is divided into two subsystems, an internal system in
which suppression and reappraisal are used to change the way people feel about
themselves, and an external system in the social arena in which the expression
(including the behavioural suppression) of emotion is tempered due to culture and
socialization.
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 77

3.4.4 A Biopsychosocial Model of Emotion

By combining, a biopsychosocial model of emotion as depicted in Fig. 3.8. may be

posited:
To illustrate the model, one may begin with a situation that presents itself in the
social arena. This elicits a physical reaction via the short, unconscious route
described by LeDoux’ theory. It triggers the appropriate basic emotional reflex via
the library of scripts, giving the person a (complex) feeling, as was depicted in
Fig. 3.3. As this feeling is felt physically, it causes a change in the emotional
landscape. This environment is dynamic, that is, it is constantly fluctuating. So it is
actually the change in feeling which is noticed and is called an emotion. The
feelings are however largely biological (neurotransmitters, neuropeptides and
predispositions).
The link between the situation and the feeling is committed to memory due to
classical conditioning. This memory influences both the intensity of the bodily
reaction and how these reactions are experienced. Every repetition of that situation
increases the intensity. The more intense the memory, the larger its amplifying
power. To continue: The process of classical conditioning is unconscious. The
memory isn’t only stored in the brain, but also in body cells via the operation of
neuropeptides.
When a situation sufficiently draws a person’s attention, the conscious, long
route of LeDoux is activated, leading to cognitive processing and internal emotion
regulation. When the emotion is reappraised or suppressed, this changes the way the
person feels, again by triggering the appropriate basic emotional reflexes and scripts
in a sort of feedback loop. It also affects further processing (that is, the interpretation
of the emotion) and the way the situation is stored in memory.

Fig. 3.8 Pieter Houtekamer: a biopsychosocial model of emotion

78 M. van Alphen

In terms of further cognitive processing, both the situation and the (possibly
modified) feelings it elicits are then interpreted in combination with what is in
memory. This interpretation then directs learning (on a more conscious level) using
the processes of operant conditioning and social learning. The person notices what
the consequences of a particular situation or his or her reaction towards it are. Also
this conscious process causes an interaction between interpreting and memory. This
more conscious (or in any case more deeply processed) interpretation not only
affects the person’s current reaction to the situation at hand, but is also stored in
memory, thereby affecting his or her future behaviour.
What generally is ignored in behaviourism is what exactly reinforces behaviour
in operant conditioning. It isn’t the actual reward or punishment, but what that
reward or punishment means to the person. And that’s a feeling, not the objective
consequence. The reinforcement is the experiencing of the emotion that the
objective consequence evokes. A positive consequence of specific behaviour will
only be experienced as being positive when it renders a positive feeling. This is also
why triggering the basic emotional reflexes, the concomitant feeling and the change
in one’s emotional landscape may be regarded as an intrinsic reward. The valence
of the emotion doesn’t alter this principle: That the experience of emotion in itself is
an intrinsically rewarding experience. This will be further discussed anon.
Not all behaviour is consciously chosen, a lot is done automatically. The several
heuristics people use are a good example of unconscious decision making and by
extension unconscious behaviour. Yet all behaviour was learnt sometime, some-
place before, also the behaviour now executed heuristically. So also here memory
plays a role.
Whatever the situation, a person will react consciously or unconsciously. Also
when he or she does nothing, this too is a reaction, just like it is impossible to not
communicate. Whatever the (lack of) reaction, it is behaviour. Exactly how one
responds is influenced by the external (social) emotional regulation system, in
which cultural and socially accepted ways of expressing emotions influences actual
behaviour. And that behaviour in turn elicits a response from the (social) envi-
ronment, leading to a new situation.
That completes the circle: Situation—basic emotional reflex—bodily response—
change in feeling/emotional landscape—processing of this change—storage in
memory—choice of reaction—reaction—new situation.
In this circle the function of the social environment becomes apparent. For
example how social and cultural norms for expressing emotion are instilled. One
could say that most of the (mental or behavioural) disorders only become visible
when the expression of the internally experienced emotions is seen as inappropriate
in that society. Cultural norms for the appropriate expression of emotion are pri-
marily socialized via the learning process: Via the individual’s behaviour and the
reaction that this behaviour draws out from the social environment. This explains
why the Japanese person who is seething on the inside will continue to smile: Any
other reaction in the Japanese culture is inappropriate and this has been made clear
to him or her as a child by his or her caregivers. The external emotion regulation
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 79

system tries to ensure that these norms are respected by suppressing (culturally)
inappropriate displays of emotion.
Behaviour also draws out a bodily reaction in another way: Directly, without the
intervention of the social environment, called intra-psychological. Research shows
that when pretending to laugh, there still is an effect. Endorphins are released, even
if the person feels unhappy whilst forcing himself or herself to laugh. The
self-perception theory (Bem 1972) says the same thing: In an ambiguous situation
people interpret their own behaviour and draw conclusions from that interpretation.
Seen from the self-perception theory one could say that: “Because I am laughing,
I probably am happy”. In this way behaviour brings about a physical reaction in the
body, without the help of the social environment. The same goes for memories,
which when activated will also elicit an emotional experience irrespective the
presence of the social environment.
Operant conditioning as strategy for altering dysfunctional behaviour goes awry
as the link between negative consequences and behaviour doesn’t always lead to a
reduction of that behaviour. Some people keep finding themselves in situations
which aren’t particularly beneficial for them. Sometimes that can be explained by
the difference between short term advantages versus long term disadvantages.
Sometimes people simply aren’t equipped to deal differently with a situation (that
is, a deficit in skills as explained in Sect. 3.2). There is yet another explanation: The
physical reaction and its influence on the emotional landscape can be seen as
intrinsically rewarding irrespective whether the experience turns out positively or
negatively. Merely experiencing an emotion is rewarding. This may be illustrated
using depression: People who suffer from depression are generally apathetic and
their emotional experience is drab. By manner of speaking they are depressed
because they aren’t experiencing anything. This is similar to what the behavioural
therapists say: rewarding experiences are lacking. But inactivity leads to a lack of
all forms of reinforcement, also those which lead to a negative experience. To
exaggerate: The change in emotional landscape tells the person that he or she is
experiencing and therefore that he or she is alive. And that is in itself a rewarding
experience. The fact that emotions are intrinsically rewarding can even lead to an
addiction to certain emotions …
When emotions become addictive it can lead to persevering problems.
A cognitive approach has little effect then, as the problem lies in the emotions, not
the thinking. Experimenting with new behaviour is usually an easier route than the
repression or avoidance of difficult emotions (in other words: Unlearning dys-
functional behaviour). Trying out new behaviour leads to a new (or at least dif-
ferent) emotional experience. This new behaviour will not only draw out a different
reaction from the social environment, but is also reinforced due to the intrinsic
reward of the emotional experience it elicits. When the new emotional experience is
positive or more positive than the one the dysfunctional behaviour yielded, one will
tend to utilize this new possibility more easily. The old behaviour doesn’t need to
be unlearned: It will be used ever less often until it eventually extinguishes by itself.
80 M. van Alphen

What then about the cognitions? Seen from this model, cognitions, thoughts and
beliefs are secondary. That doesn’t mean they are unimportant, to the contrary. Yet
how a person thinks about things has to do with memory. They don’t “just think”,
but use all their knowledge and experiences from the past as a background for the
new thought that arises. As it is the change in emotional landscape that signals what
is important, by extension it also determines what is remembered and how that is
remembered. Emotions thereby are primary. Cognitions do also influence beha-
viour: In terms of systems theory they form one of the several feedback loops that
maintain behaviour. As the cognitions are regulated by the emotional experience,
they thereby are a so-called second-order factor. By the way: Behaviour in this
model may be seen broadly as everything someone does (i.e. a verb). This means
that thinking (a verb) is also behaviour, delivers an emotional experience and is by
itself a rewarding activity!
In summary, emotional experience is one great, complex interaction which keeps
itself going. The central facet is a dynamic, ever-changing emotional landscape, in
which an emotion is a self-rewarding phenomenon that directs a person’s thinking,
what is remembered and the way people see themselves: Emotion gives meaning to
one’s life and to the moment, and regulates one’s behaviour.

3.5 Shame and Guilt

What should be clear from the preceding paragraphs is what emotions are and how
they play a primary role in how people experience and by extension behave. What
should also be clear is that emotions are functional: Without emotions it makes no
sense to do anything at all. In other words emotions are functional in that they tell
people what is important to them and give them the experience of being alive. This
means they motivate one. From this broad perspective on emotions, the focus may
now be narrowed down to the subject of this book: Shame. Shame is one of the
emotions people experience and should therefore also be a functional emotion. That
people generally experience shame as something negative may be clear. In simple
terms shame has a limiting effect: It prevents one from “going over the top” and in
that sense it has a protective intention. As with all emotions, shame only becomes
problematic when it is overly limiting or not present at all. This could be due to all
kinds of factors: poor or misplaced emotion regulation, inappropriate appraisals or
expectations, to name but a few. To put it differently, shame as a normal reaction
isn’t problematic and is functional just as the normal experience of fear prevents
people from doing potentially dangerous things.
In this paragraph how shame influences our experience and behaviour is con-
sidered, beginning by making a distinction between shame and guilt, two terms that
are easily thought to be interchangeable for the same emotion. After that how
people deal with shame is specifically reviewed.
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 81

3.5.1 The Difference Between Shame and Guilt

The discussion about the difference between shame and guilt has been ongoing for
some time. In everyday language the difference between these two is not all that
clear and people often use the terms interchangeably (Nathanson 1996). The most
usable definitions are given in an overview by Tangney et al. (2007):
Moral emotions: Emotions that motivate to the doing of good and not doing what is evil
(Kroll and Egan 2004). What good and evil are, is however dependent on culture.
Self-conscious emotions: These are experienced via (implicit or explicit) self-reflection and
self-appraisal. The self is the object.
Guilt: Is a negative, self-conscious, moral emotion which occurs when the individual
admits that he has done something that transgresses a moral law. The focus is on inap-
propriate behaviour.
Shame: Is a negative, self-conscious, moral emotion which occurs when someone see his
person as being deficient, because something he did transgressed a moral law. The focus is
on the person.
Embarrassment: Is a negative, self-conscious emotion specific to the social situation. The
person experiencing this emotion feels himself deficient and observed, yet no moral law has
been transgressed.

Guilt, shame and embarrassment are negative, self-conscious emotions and can
refer to the past (something that has happened) or to the future (one anticipates how
a particular situation will play out). Embarrassment and shyness are however
limited to (perceived) social situations and generally are only problematic when
they are an exaggerated reaction. If one slips whilst walking, it isn’t really strange if
one momentarily feels embarrassed. Yet when one doesn’t dare to make any social
contact, this can form quite a barrier to one’s functioning. Often problematic
embarrassment and shyness are linked to self-image issues, beyond the scope of this
chapter. The discussion is in first instance limited to the two negative, self-
conscious, moral (as Tangney et al. 2007 define them) emotions: Shame and guilt.
There are two options when an individual is confronted with an imperfection in
their person or their behaviour: They can accept that fact or they can defend
themselves against it. When it is accepted the focus shifts from the person to the
inadequate behaviour, leading to the experience of guilt. From previous literature
research (Van Alphen 2004) it appears people seem to accept their faults more
readily in two circumstances: When it doesn’t do that much to them (because it isn’t
that important, for example) or when it is so overly apparent that they cannot
manoeuvre around it.
When people feel guilty, they tend to feel sorry for what they have done and
have the wish to make undone what their actions brought about. That can be by
offering apologies or by restoring or reimbursing the damages. In this sense guilt is
a negative emotion with a positive outcome. Where guilt becomes problematic is
when the possibility to repair is absent or when the feelings of guilt are irrational or
misplaced. In trauma, for example, people often develop a guilty feeling in the
82 M. van Alphen

sense of “If only I had done …, this wouldn’t even have happened”. The victim of a
traumatic experience is seldom objectively at fault. Also when someone dies
(irrespective the objective guilt question) the possibility to undo what happened
simply isn’t there. In brief, normal feelings of guilt motivate people to restore their
relationship with others they have somehow wronged while misplaced feelings of
guilt usually aren’t resolvable. The moral element is obvious: Guilt is only felt if the
person subjectively feels he or she has transgressed a moral standard.
Shame on the other hand is experienced when the person perceives himself or
herself deficient. Because the focus is on the person, the first tendency is
self-protection, as no-one likes to feel themselves lacking. A number of strategies
are therefore used to draw attention away from this (now experienced as deficient)
person. Take the alcoholic who has promised his partner not to drink during the
day. Chances are, if he doesn’t stick to his promise, that his partner will smell his
misstep via his breath. Chances also are that she will let him know in no uncertain
terms when she finds out. So when his partner confronts him with his behaviour, he
sees his own behaviour as transgressing a moral law. He had a drink, whilst that
wasn’t the agreement. So the law being transgressed is: “Stick to your promises.”
Instead of admitting that his behaviour is inappropriate (“I know it wasn’t what we
agreed, but I couldn’t stop myself.”), chances are he will try to draw his partner’s
attention away from him as person. This is characteristic for shame—the alcoholic
doesn’t consider his behaviour inappropriate but sees himself as a defective person
because he didn’t keep his word. And that doesn’t feel that good, so the sooner he
isn’t under scrutiny anymore, the sooner he doesn’t have to face this rotten feeling.

3.5.2 Is Shame a Moral Emotion?

A valid question is whether shame is limited to a self-conscious moral emotion,

meaning a departure from Tangney et al.’s (2007) definition. The author tends to
see shame occurring whenever a person perceives himself or herself as being a
defective person, irrespective whether a moral law has been broken or not. In other
words, also when a person feels incompetent and attributes this (explicitly or
implicitly) to him or her being a defective person, this will give rise to shame. One
could stretch the idea of moral transgression by saying one is morally obliged to be
an autonomous, competent person …Yet what a moral emotion is, is a matter of
discussion (Cova et al. 2015). This implies that when an individual from his or her
own personal frame of reference feels he or she has broken a moral code, it may
evoke the experience of a particular emotion such as shame or guilt. This may be
true, but does not logically imply the opposite. It doesn’t preclude a person from
experiencing these two emotions without putting morality into the equation. Hence
the suggestion to concentrate the definitions of shame and guilt on the emotion
connected with feeling oneself a defective person (shame) and feeling one’s
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 83

behaviour is inappropriate (guilt), given that both emotions arise from a self-
conscious evaluation (that is, the self is the object under evaluation) according to
one’s own frame of reference.

3.5.3 How People Deal with Shame

Nathanson (1992) worked out the way people defend themselves from shame in a
model he calls the Compass of Shame. His model enjoys sufficient support (Elison
et al. 2006) and is the basis for some questionnaires to measure internalised shame.
According to Nathanson, when confronted with shame people use one of four broad
defence mechanisms (a psychoanalytic term describing the many ways people deal
with negative emotions): Withdraw, attack the other, attack themselves or avoid
(see Fig. 3.9).
Has your partner ever called you on something you did and you answered: “Yes,
but you …”? From a logical point of view it isn’t even relevant what another did or
didn’t do, it doesn’t suddenly make one’s behaviour right. The yes-but-you answer
is called the turn-around trick and is a good example of one of the four defence
mechanisms: Attack the other. This strategy works, because now the attention is no
longer on the person and his or her defects, but on the other person. The opposite
strategy might look like acceptance but isn’t: Attack oneself: “Oh, how could I be
so stupid!” After having said it, there no longer is any need to talk about it, leave
alone do anything about it. Or the person becomes the “victim”, which also draws

Fig. 3.9 Pieter Houtekamer: the compass of shame adapted from Nathanson (1992)
84 M. van Alphen

attention away from the shameful act. Ever walked off in a huff during an argument,
or that the other did that? Walking off doesn’t solve the problem, but does mean that
(for the moment) one doesn’t have to deal with the bad feeling, or at least to a lesser
degree. Children do this by hiding, sometimes literally and sometimes by hiding
their faces behind their hands. This way the situation simply isn’t there anymore.
These are all examples of another strategy—to withdraw. The fourth strategy is
avoidance. That can be short-term by denying or by changing the subject, or longer
term by using alcohol or drugs to avoid the bad feeling, or by replacing the bad
feeling by seeking out other forms of excitement.
An individual therefore chooses between one of two “axes” when confronted
with shame: Attack or run away (fight or flight).
• When attacking, an object is required: People either attack the other or they
attack themselves. All the so-called disclaimers also fall into these two cate-
gories: That is, all the different ways in which one claims not to be at fault for
what has been done.
• The other axis has more to do with time. Withdrawing is immediate, as from the
instant one (actually or psychologically) walks away, the situation no longer
exists—just like an ostrich sticking its head in the sand. Avoiding takes a little
more time: The bad feeling doesn’t dissolve straight away, it takes time before
the avoidance strategy kicks in.
To sum up, the way in which people defend themselves against the bad feeling
shame gives them is symbolized by the four points of the compass as depicted in
Fig. 3.9.
None of the four strategies is in itself pathological. Which of these broad choices
a person uses depends on all sorts of things such as personality, how he or she was
brought up, culture and life history, etcetera. Also the situation or situational factors
have influence. A healthily functioning individual will switch strategies depending
on the situation. It becomes problematic when a person always, irrespective the
situation, uses one and the same way to defend himself or herself against the bad
feeling. Or never takes a step back and accepts that something one did could have
been done differently. Shame can have a pathological effect on one’s mental health
depending on the frequency and intensity in which shame is experienced, in con-
tradistinction to guilt, where the imperfection is accepted.
To return to the fictional alcoholic and his partner. He could deal with his feeling
of failure by venting that on his partner (the attack other strategy). Yet he doesn’t
lash out at her because he wants to attack her personally, but because she happens
to be the person who is around when he needs to deal with the bad feeling. It’s
about him, not her. What often happens is that the partner in turn interprets this as
him venting his anger on her, causing her to react, which causes the argument to
escalate. The vicious circle (the escalating argument) is therefore an interaction
between how the man deals with his shame and how his partner interprets his
attempt to deal with this feeling of shame. Here is an example how shame can cause
a dysfunctional interaction.
3 Shame as a Functional and Adaptive Emotion … 85

3.6 Conclusion

So what is then the functional and adaptive side of shame? As may be evident,
shame kicks in when the person experiences himself or herself as being defective.
The natural first reaction is not to deal with it, yet in the long run shame eventually
should bring one to the point where one actually does something about one’s
behaviour. In other words, shame (with its focus on the deficient person) becomes
functional when it converts itself into guilt (by shifting the focus to inappropriate
behaviour). To put it differently, shame is always experienced internally and in the
long run motivates us (or should motivate us) to becoming a better person. And it
isn’t another who needs to determine whether the individual is a better person or
not, but it’s about the person feeling himself or herself valuable and worthwhile.
Using the biopsychosocial model of behaviour in Sect. 3.2, this means shame
converted to guilt causes one to change one’s behaviour in a restorative way. The
improved relation with others eventually translates into positive interactions,
leading to changes in the emotional landscape towards a more positive feeling.
This is adaptive, as whichever way one chooses to look at it, individual survival
is dependent on common survival—people need each other, they are interdepen-
dent. Even in a culture where independence is celebrated, all should implicitly
know that without the social background the individual simply wouldn’t exist.
There may be cultural differences in how people experience and give expression to
shame, but this does not lessen its adaptive purpose. Shame motivates people to act.
Shame when converted to guilt therefore increases the chances of both individual
and collective survival as both the individual and humanity as a whole are more
likely to survive when people help one another than when they are in a constant
competition or war with one another. Shame helps to draw the boundaries and gives
an emotional experience to be able to perceive the boundaries of socially acceptable
behaviour. Shame helps to restore relationships. Shame in this sense is the very
essence of our social fibre.

Acknowledgements I would like to thank the following people specifically for their contribution
to this chapter: Pieter Houtekamer for the figures, Wilma van Heerden for the use of her pho-
tographs and Dr. Snežana Stupar for her comments and suggestions.

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Chapter 4
The Positive Function of Shame:
Moral and Spiritual Perspectives

Thomas Ryan

Abstract While shame can be both destructive and constructive, healthy shame,
with its roots in personal conviction, is inherently associated with values and
self-evaluation. Understood thus, it is an integral part of wholesome human func-
tioning in the personal, social and cultural realms. This chapter investigates these
statements in four stages drawing on relevant scholarship both past and present.
First, it examines briefly the relational foundations of shame. Second, in the moral
area, it taps into the tradition of virtue ethics as represented by Thomas Aquinas and
approached through the virtue of charity. Third, it investigates shame’s educative
aspect in two forms: personally, in terms of shame’s correlative quality, namely,
honour; collectively, through three examples of cultural learning in relation to
shame and injustice in the Australian context. Fourth, from spirituality, it uses
insights from James and Evelyn Whitehead’s (and others’) discussion of shame in
relation to spiritual growth. In doing so, it suggests briefly individuals who have
transcended social shame and directed it to be a subversive and transforming
influence.

The title of this book points to broadening perceptions of shame. “Value”, “health
resource” and “across cultures” reflect an increased appreciation of the dynamics
and functions of shame that go beyond its toxic and destructive forms. The past two
decades have confirmed one author’s recognition of the emerging “fresh and fruitful
perspectives” on shame as a gateway to “a recovery of spirit and spiritedness in our
personal and collective lives” (Fowler 1996, 96).
This chapter’s aim is to explore this statement further with a specific focus on
moral and spiritual perspectives on the positive role of shame. It will do so in four
phases. First, it examines briefly the relational foundations of shame. Second, in the
moral area, it taps into the tradition of virtue ethics as represented by Thomas
Aquinas and approached through the virtue of charity. Third, it investigates shame’s
educative aspect in two forms: personally, in terms of shame’s correlative quality,

T. Ryan (&)
Australian Catholic University, c/- 3 Mary St., Sydney, NSW 2110, Australia
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 87

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_4
88 T. Ryan

namely, honour; collectively, through three examples of cultural learning in relation

to shame and injustice in the Australian context. Fourth, from spirituality, it builds
on James and Evelyn Whitehead’s (and others’) discussion of shame in relation to
spiritual growth. In doing so, I suggest some individuals who have transcended
social shame and directed it to be a subversive and transforming influence.

4.1 Relational Foundations of Shame

We all know moments when we blush, when we are embarrassed. It may be when I
walk into a room and interrupt a private conversation or find two people in a pas-
sionate embrace. Or I see a person smiling at me. I move to greet them and realise the
smile was directed to someone behind me. Or I think of the instinctive reaction of
people covering their faces when confronted by a media pack. I may become con-
scious of how I would react if hurtful things I have done were exposed to public gaze.
Elspeth Probyn suggests that common to these scenarios of embarrassment or
“blushing” is my body telling me that I am out of place and that, underlying this, is
the desire “to fit in”, for connection even the possibility of love (Probyn 2005, 3,
38). In these situations, I have been affected in a bodily and psychological way.
I am emotionally moved in that my body instantly senses that a boundary has been
transgressed within the realm of those social/cultural or moral patterns of how to act
or not to act. I feel exposed. I want to hide, even from myself and my mistakes or
my deficiencies. I am reminded that, at times, I am not the person I would like to be.
I feel ashamed. What are the roots of this?
As humans, we all desire to belong, to be included and to be loved. In many
ways, our survival depends on companionship. Exile and banishment are tanta-
mount to a living death. Together with guilt, shame is a social dynamic that guards
our social identity and warns us of any action that threatens us being excluded or
“banished” from where we belong.
It is beyond the scope of our discussion to elaborate, in detail, the psychological
and sociological roots and patterns in shame’s development. We distil the key ideas
needed for the purposes of this chapter.1
Shame is one of a number of affect sets that “begins as a non-pathological innate
neurobiological affect program in humans” (Fowler 1996, 104). In Tomkins’
scheme of nine basic affect sets, two are relevant here: interest-excitement (gaze
riveted on an object, mouth partially open) and enjoyment-joy (bright shining face,
smiling response). It is the negative affect shame–humiliation (eye contact avoided,
head lowered) that interferes with the interest-excitement/enjoyment-joy responses
such that “the self-balance, self esteem or standing with other” is threatened. The
threat can arise from the “strangeness” of another. But it can also result from

1
See Tomkins (1963, 1995), Probyn (2005) and Fowler (1996, 97–103) and other chapters in this
present book.
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 89

responses of others that suggest the likelihood that a person may be rejected or
disvalued in some way.
Fowler offers an illustration known as the “still face” experiment of filming a
number of mothers and infants (Tronick et al. 1978). The mother sits face to face
with her infant in pleasant surroundings. She is told to behave normally. The films
seen in slow motion show the absorbed interest between mother and child as they
view each other. The mother is asked to leave the room for a few minutes. On
returning, she is told to sit down in front of her infant. She is to make eye contact but
to refrain from any facial expression or gesture and to be as neutral as possible. The
babies try to engage the mother in the normal interaction. After a while, the infants
behave in either of two ways. Some will cry out in distress. Others will slump down
in the chair, turn their head down and avert their eyes from the mother’s face. The
interest-enjoyment of the child has been interrupted. Shame has been
triggered by some signal related to the maternal refusal to participate in the expected
interchange (Fowler 1996, 100).

From this, Fowler suggests important clues about the shame-humiliation affect: it
occurs in a setting of face-to-face relations; is triggered by something that occurs in
the relation that suggests the experience of rejection, disapproval or exclusion; it
directs one’s attention away from the other and heightens awareness of the self; it
brings painful feelings of confusion, self-doubt and a sense of unworthiness
(Fowler 1996, 102).
Fowler suggests that, in contrast with the other eight affect sets that respond to
situations external to us (as interesting, repugnant or threatening etc.),
shame-humiliation is unique in that it is “reflexive in direction” in that it gives rise
to “neurophysiological responses and accompanying feelings that reference and
amplify awareness of the self” (Fowler 1996, 102). This affect is both foundational
in the emergent processes of self-awareness and self-consciousness and in moti-
vating the cognitive operations involved in constructing the perspectives of others,
especially their evaluations of the self. Fowler suggests, following critiques of
Tomkins, a complementary reflexive affect, namely, confidence-pride, which
amplifies “one’s sense of well-being and of being valued” (Fowler 1996, 103).
From these considerations, it has emerged that shame entails a context of re-
lationships, an affective response and the process of evaluation—of self and others.
Our discussion will explore these three aspects in relation to the moral, educative
and spiritual dimensions of shame. Part of that process involves “across cultures.” It
is helpful, then, to have a working definition of culture to guide us. Don Browning
takes culture to mean
a set of symbols, stories (myths), and norms for conduct that orient a society or group
cognitively, affectively, and behaviorally to the world in which it lives (Browning 1976,
73).

On that basis, culture can be understood to include groups or “sub-cultures”

within a given wider context of culture or society.
90 T. Ryan

4.2 The Moral Dimension

There is divided opinion about shame’s role in the moral life. Bernard Williams, for
instance, in Shame and Necessity, is intent on recovering the Greek sensitivity to
shame’s role as a healthy virtue. This is in contrast with the restrictive view of
shame as “pre-moral” social conformity (Williams 1993). Rather than servile shame
that rested on public opinion, healthy shame was grounded in personal conviction.
Similarly, Calhoun (2004) observes that some moral philosophers consider shame
to be a “more primitive and less useful moral emotion than guilt” and that indi-
viduals and cultures “should move past it.” Shame as a moral emotion and the
public exposure involved seems less directed at any wrong done than at how we
appear or “at what other people require us to do or like” (Calhoun 2004, 127–8).
Calhoun disagrees and argues that if one is a participant with others in a life of
shared moral practices, then shame over moral failings is “essential to a mature
moral agent’s psychology” (Calhoun 2004, 129). Both Williams and Calhoun are in
continuity with the tradition of virtue ethics with its roots in Aristotle, for instance,
and developed much later in Thomas Aquinas in his views on shame and its role in
the moral life. It also converges with the relational, affective and evaluative qualities
of shame outlined above. I will parse previous discussions of shame through the
lens of love.2
For Aquinas, the supreme unifying and animating principle of all the virtues is
charity. It is love that directs our impulses, actions and desires in our relationship
with God, as too with others and oneself (ST 2.2.23.6-8). Aquinas considers
emotions are essential to the moral life and to human integration. Shame, closely
associated with the body (especially touch), is part of the affective virtue of tem-
perance or self-care concerning our bodily, sexual and affective needs and desires.
For Aquinas, in contrast with Aristotle, all the cardinal virtues, and, hence,
temperance and shame must be seen primarily in the context of love in its various
forms and in a theological framework. Concerning the self, Aquinas holds that
(a) healthy self love is an essential component of Christian living;
(b) we must have love for our body as a gift from God);
(c) concern for one’s own good is integral to virtue or moral self-transcendence
(Respectively ST 2.2.25.4; 2.2.25.5; 2.2.26.6).
For Aquinas, shame as a cultural and psychological reality is one of life’s
teachers—socially, relationally and morally. Three statements capture Aquinas’
approach to shame. First, shame involves values, self-evaluation and the framework
for living a good life.
Aquinas’ treatment of shame (verecundia) in the Summa Theologiae starts with
a specific question on the morality of the emotions.3 Is there any emotion that is

2
For an extended discussion of this see Ryan (2013 and also 2008).
3
Thomas Aquinas treats of shame as a foundational moral response in ST I-11.24.4, as one of the
six species of fear in ST 1-11.41.4 and as an integral part of the virtue of temperance in ST
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 91

always good or evil “by its very nature” (ST 1.2.24.4). An emotion that is good of
its very nature is shame (verecundia or modesty or timor turpis) which is the fear of
doing what is morally base in one’s eyes but especially because it damaging to
oneself in the eyes of others. Citing Aristotle’s Ethics, Aquinas says that verecundia
is a praiseworthy emotion and is a virtue in the broad sense (ST 2.2.144.1).4 It
expresses healthy self-care and concern for one’s own good.5 It must be remem-
bered that shame’s positive role in self-evaluation and self-transformation depends
on shame being consciously acknowledged, as will emerge later in the chapter.6
For Aquinas, shame (verecundia) as an emotion is good or evil of its very nature
in a relational context, namely, as being “in tune” (conveniens, fitting) or out of tune
(dissonans, not fitting) with right reason or authentic humanity. It is an emotion that
enhances human flourishing, personally and socially. While shame is negative
(makes us feel uncomfortable), its positive function emerges from its object,
namely, the value it is directed towards upholding and the attitude produced. For
Aquinas, to feel no shame (to be morally “shameless”) or to lack sensitivity to
another’s pain is not a desirable or even admirable state.
Secondly, for Aquinas, shame is integral to healthy human functioning both
personal and social.
There are some things we should be ashamed of, just as there are things about
which we should be angry or afraid. Like any emotion, especially those that we call
“negative” (we feel uncomfortable), shame can be constructive or destructive.

(Footnote 3 continued)
11-11.144. He also has treatments in his Commentary on the Nichomachean Ethics Book 4, 17
a-m et passim. Summa Theologiae 1.2. 24.4; 1.2. 41.4; 2.2. 141-144 (henceforth ST). For
translations of the Summa, the author has consulted the Latin/English (Blackfriars) version of the
English Dominican Province (London: Eyre and Spottiswoode, 1963–1975), the Summa
Theologica of St. Thomas Aquinas, 2nd rev. ed. 1920, translated by Fathers of the English
Dominican Province in the on-line version www.newadvent.org/summa/ and the new translation
by Alfred J Freddoso, online version at http://www.nd.edu/*afreddos/summa-translation/TOC.
htm accessed 20/12/2008. Unless indicated, translations are from the Blackfriars’ version.
Summaries or paraphrases are the author’s.
4
By contrast, an emotion evil by its very nature is envy. It is part of our humanity to recognize
what is good in others and to have a basic response of pity and compassion to their suffering. To
take pleasure in another’s plight or be sad at their gifts or success indicates defective self-esteem.
Ones moral character is flawed.
5
This is consistent with Aristotle’s view that appropriate self-regard (philautia) is integral to
human flourishing. Shame is entailed in self-care as moral sensitivity to actions that could reflect,
or have reflected, badly on oneself (and a sense of remorse and even a desire to atone. See Oakley
(1992, 74). Nussbaum notes that shame “requires self-regard as its essential backdrop. It is only
because one expects oneself to have worth or even perfection that one will shrink from or cover the
evidence of one’s nonworth or imperfection” (Nussbaum 2001, 196).
6
It is not suggested here that one is reflectively and consciously aware at that particular time that
one is experiencing shame. Evaluation certainly involves that one accept that it is legitimate for
one to feel shame (whether consciously or not) through acknowledging the temporary sense of
exposure or “fragility” it brings. All it may mean, at a basic level, is that one may feel shame
(blush), withdraw a bit, and because that blush was not pleasant, avoid the situation in future.
92 T. Ryan

Feeling shame can sustain personal well-being and guide our responses in our
relationships and social life.7 Alternatively, shame can undermine the sense of self
and can be “lethal”, especially as an instrument of reproach, power, control and
submission (Probyn 2005, 92). In both forms, it has an educative function at both
the personal and collective levels, as we shall see later.
For Aquinas, shame, as part of the virtue of temperance or self-care, helps us to
grow in the likeness of God, using the gift of our body and what is associated with
it. It is reflected in sensitivity to whatever demeans oneself as a person. Its com-
panion is honestas, namely a sense of moral excellence and of love for its beauty.
Aquinas certainly sees shame in terms of disapproval or loss of face with others (ST
2.2.144.3) and, in that sense, it is located socially and culturally.8 Shame makes one
more sensitive to what threatens virtue, personal goodness, and, most importantly,
what fosters or undermines our responsiveness in relationships (ST 2.2 142.4 and
144.1).9
The third aspect of shame in Aquinas is its universal capacity. Studies across
different disciplines indicate shame’s importance and that we are, by nature, social
beings. Despite “essentialist or ethnocentric epithets” that may “hover in the air”,
Probyn is still prepared to suggest that we need to be open to the evidence that
shame may be “biologically innate” and see where that leads us (Probyn 2005, 28
and 25).
Aquinas would not consider such essentialism as outside his “comfort zone.”
Aquinas’ classification of emotions is built on the assumption of a common
humanity with little sense of cultural variations and cross-cultural differences. For
all that, the varieties of shame and its relationship to individual and temperamental
differences remind us how human nature, as a source of morality, is subject to much
variation. Aquinas acknowledges that, beyond the very general, it is difficult to
arrive at moral norms that are certain and universal when faced with so much
variability and contingency in human life (ST 1.2.94.4).

7
It is interesting that we can feel shame when others incorrectly perceive us as engaging in
unworthy action. Even in such a situation, we have a deeper interest in being good as opposed to
merely appearing to be good. Further, despite the social nature of shame, it is true to say that what
shames you may not shame me.
8
We can also feel shame for others, particularly our children. Moreover, while I can have passing
moments of feeling fragile and exposed, I can desire (and will) myself to have a sense of shame.
Further, a greater sense of shame can be cultivated by a voluntary examination of self.
9
Given the spontaneous nature of emotional responses, one often hears them described as psy-
chological facts that are “morally neutral.” This is understandable particularly when it comes to the
“negative” emotions (those that make us feel uncomfortable, such as anger, shame or fear). The
danger is because we feel “bad” (our equilibrium is disturbed) we conclude that we are “bad”
morally (that we have done something wrong). For our purposes here, it suffices to say that
Aquinas considers that we do have some level of responsibility for our emotions and our emotional
life. They can be morally significant in themselves and not just from our attitude to them. It is
through our emotions that we are affected by and respond in the world of relationships and, hence,
need the affective virtues. See Harak (1993), Murphy (1999) and Ryan (2001a).
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 93

Aquinas’ treatment of shame, like Aristotle’s, is the reverse side of the treatment
of honour (honestas) or “moral excellence” where the possession of virtue is worthy
of recognition. Reputation and public respect are external to virtue and, in fact, may
be extended to a person without virtue. In essence, for Aquinas, one’s moral worth
does not depend on a person’s standing in the eyes of others. Rather, how others
regard people is a reflection of their moral excellence.10 Honour and shame are
social responses—one to moral goodness, the other to a failure to live up to that.
They assume the shared nature of the moral life and need for recognition and
mutual support from others, as we shall further explore later in this chapter.
We have explored the value of shame as a resource for moral health and
well-being in the context of the virtue of temperance and as an expression of
self-care. How does “across cultures” apply here? One way is in recalling that
shame, as part of the virtue of temperance and the four cardinal virtues, comes out
of a Western philosophical and theological tradition. However, we find virtues that
function in similar ways from other traditions, as in the Confucian philosopher
Mencius (c. 390-310 b.c.e).
“Propriety” (reverence and respect for others) approximates the role given to
love by Aquinas. “Intelligent awareness” as the skill of making right judgments
parallels the virtue of prudence. “Righteousness” deals with our responsibilities to
others, hence, it resembles justice. For Mencius, it includes shame (hsiu) and
aversion (wu) which serve righteousness since “sensitivity to both helps us remains
in right relationship with others” (Lamoureux and Wadell 2010, 136).11
Benevolence (jen), resembles Aquinas’ compassion (as described above n. 5) and
love (as willing the good for another, ST 2.2.23.1). Benevolence involves an
enduring sensitivity to others, especially in their suffering and a commitment to
strive to alleviate suffering. It embraces one’s family, all human beings and “a
general regard for all beings, at least for living creatures” (Lamoureux and Wadell
2010, 135).
After this brief overview of shame as part of the virtue of temperance, it emerges
that the focus of Aquinas’ treatment is on healthy shame is in its moral setting. It is
concerned with the personal internalisation of standards and the implications,
personal and social, when they are contravened. The person both feels shame and
has acted in such a way that they are rightly ashamed (guilty).
But there are situations where people feel shame and have done nothing wrong.
There is a normal shame associated with personal privacy surrounding the body and
sexuality, an aspect of reverence, even of the sacred. Again, people may not have
contravened an internalised moral standard yet their condition or status leads them
to feel ugly, hence, worthy of being abandoned or isolated in terms of the expec-
tations of others or some other norm. It may be shame from a personal failure,

10
Honour as “recognition” and appreciation is due to moral excellence. He says that “the hon-
ourable amounts to the same as being virtuous” (ST 2.2.145.1).
11
Shame “is an awareness of falling short of some standard, a repugnance manifested in shame
about one’s own actions” and “aversion focuses on attitude, actions and ways of being one ought
to avoid” (Lamoureux and Wadell 2010, 136 citing Yearley (1990, 37, 38, 41).
94 T. Ryan

medical condition, family background, ethnic origin, and physical disfigurement,

disability—many of which are beyond the person’s control. These have a bearing
on how we construe shame and its role as a health resource, broadly understood.
For these reasons I would like to probe shame further in relation to love or the
virtue of charity.12
Amongst the various forms of love, for Aquinas, caritas denotes love in its most
complete sense. Its ultimate proper object is love of God, precisely as goodness.
Given that, for Aquinas, every human being is made in God’s image, and, as such,
participates in goodness, love’s object includes human beings since love’s object is
what is good. Aquinas sees the desires of love as taking two forms: desire for the
good of the beloved (other) and desire for union with the beloved (other).
Aquinas holds that some loves should be greater than others. He says that it is
possible to desire the good of humanity in general and to desire some sort of union
with all humanity, as in the shared beatific vision (ST 2.2.26. 6 ad 1). The desire for
union can also include love of oneself since to desire one’s own good is to desire
union with oneself, namely, internal integration (ST 1.2.23.3).
Stump is instructive on the relation of guilt and shame to the two desires of love.
She cites Ruth Benedict’s pattern of collectivist or shame-based cultures (external
sanctions, shame as reaction to a real or imagined audience) versus individualist of
guilt-based cultures (internalized conviction of sin without anyone else knowing)
and observes that this distinction is now “largely rejected.” She explains that
both shame and guilt can come from internalised standards and sanctions, and a real or
imagined audience is no more necessary for one than the other (Stump 2010, 142).13

In distinguishing guilt and shame, Stump draws on Card (2002) and starts with
what guilt and shame seek or fear. In doing something wrong, a guilty person fears
repudiation from real or imagined others. Punishment, while appropriate and
“good”, from the perspective of others, may, in her view, not be for her own good.
Guilt, then, is related to a desire for the good of the person. Alternatively, shame’s
correlative is the desire for union. The shamed person is fearful of being isolated
and marginalised “by real or imagined others.” His anxiety is directed towards “an
absence of union, forced on him by others with whom he desires some kind of
closeness” (Stump 2010, 144). Stump cites Card:

12
This discussion is indebted to Stump (2010, 91–100 et passim) and Wadell (1989).
13
While Benedict’s distinction is perhaps an overly simple generalization, its use is still evident in
recent and current literature. A shame-culture is collectivist in that “persons understand themselves
as parts of groups or collectives such as family, tribe or nation” (Triandis 1995, 2). They are
defined by those groups and do not understand themselves as having a “separate identity.” In
contrast with an individualist or “guilt-culture”, members are motivated by “group norms rather
than individual needs or aspirations.” See Rohrbaugh (2002, 27–43, at 30 citing Triandis 1995).
A sharper picture is offered by Hiebert (1985) in noting that “(I) n a shame-culture (sometimes
referred to as “honour-shame culture”), what other people believe is much more powerful. Indeed,
my principles may be derived from the desire to preserve my honour or avoid shame to the
exclusion of all else” Hiebert (1985, 212).
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 95

in expiating guilt we seek respect and reacceptance. In removing shame, we seek esteem or
admiration…guilt can only be relieved by forgiveness, whereas shame cannot (Stump 2010,
143 citing Card 2002, 206).

While the guilty person may feel it is appropriate that others are angry with him
and want to punish him, nevertheless, there is a sense in which he does not want
this since he does not see it as good for himself, in some sense of “good.” The
shamed person, alternatively, believes it is appropriate for others to reject “not his
good but him.” Understood thus, it is consistent with a shamed person’s desire not
be seen, “to avoid the gaze of others, to be invisible”. Such a person is convinced of
something about himself—his own ugliness or some standard of desirability—that
justifies others in rejecting a desire for him (Stump 2010, 145).
In the light of the above, there is some truth to the statement that shame involves
a negative reaction to what a person is and guilt to what a person does. We must
also remember, as Stump notes, that there are different varieties of shame because
there are different reasons for rejecting a desire for union with a particular person.
Moral wrong-doing can also give rise to shame as well as guilt. Further, someone in
that situation can feel shamed in his own eyes, finding himself “ugly and repulsive”
wanting, as it were, “to divorce himself” (Stump 2010, 146).
In considering these alternatives, what is the role of love in the healing of
shame? We noted earlier that, in speaking of moral excellence or virtue, there is a
connection between honour/ beauty and between shame/ugliness. We are drawn to
a person’s beauty, whether facial, bodily, of disposition or of “soul.” A physically
unattractive person can be much loved and loveable because of their “inner” beauty.
When a person is honoured and admired, Stump observes that “those who are
attracted to him have some desire for him” (Stump 2010, 147, italics added). In
other words, they are drawn by a desire for union with that person.
As suggested above, other things may prompt shame and self-loathing than “care
about one’s moral wrong-doing” and do not melt away with “forgiveness or
absolution of guilt” (Stump 2010, 146). Stump cites Jean Vanier and his experience
of L’Arche communities in engaging disability and its associated shame. L’Arche
groups are international (in fifty countries) and have a clearly delineated set of
goals, values and practices. As such, they are a sub-culture that can bring a needed
presence and a timely reminder of neglected values within a wider society or
culture. For instance, Vanier speaks of their practice of “celebrating the life of the
shamed person” as healing and restorative. When significant others celebrate such a
person’s life, especially when it is shared with him, “it reveals a desire for him”
(Stump 2010, 147). Honour is here expressed in the context of love, a desire for
union with the beloved (other).
Again, an important way of honouring the shamed person is to allow oneself to
be nurtured and cared for by the one who is shamed or disabled. Desire “for”, care
“by” and “for”, celebration “of”—these prepositions highlight the interactive,
relational and mutual giving and receiving that can dismantle shame’s hold and
transform the ugly into the beautiful. In the mutual care-giving of L’Arche com-
munities, being cared for by those with serious disabilities brings healing to those
96 T. Ryan

afflicted by the shame that can accompany those disabilities! (Stump 2010, 147).
Vanier’s opening remarks about L’Arche concern not what he has done for the
disabled but what they have done for him.
Community life with men and women who have intellectual disabilities has taught me a
great deal about what it means to be human (Vanier 1998, 6).

We have exemplified here a positive function of shame as an occasion in which

human limitation is transformed through the presence and the power of love. In the
process, the people involved transcend themselves in goodness and beauty. They
grow in moral excellence. This pattern of giving and receiving is perhaps even
paradigmatic for the healing needed even of moral shame. O’Sullivan (1995) sums
it up:
when vulnerability meets power the result is alienation; but when vulnerability is met by
vulnerability, the result is intimacy. The only way into intimacy is through vulnerability
(O’Sullivan 1995, 8).

Again, the L’Arche pattern of giving-receiving can be understood as a paradigm

of the moral life itself. Enda McDonagh says that the primary moral experience is
what happens to us when we stand in the presence of another (McDonagh 1975,
29–40). The presence of the other demands our attention. From their presence, we
are called to come out of ourselves into communion with the other. In this light, we
can see why friendship is such an appropriate model for the moral life (See Wadell
1989; Sherwin 2005).
McDonagh speaks of three phases in response to the other which are implied in
the practices of the L’Arche communities. First, there is recognition where, in
giving attention to the other, that person is appreciated as other than oneself. The
second is respect, the willingness to be patient and take the time to see the person’s
goodness. In the process, one, in turn, is recognised and appreciated by the other.
There is an associated movement of self-recognition. These stages culminate in
response—in moving away from the self and towards to other there is a momentum
towards communion (Wadell 1989, 142–167).

4.3 The Educative Dimension

Such practices found in L’Arche point to other aspects of moral learning, first, at the
personal level. It is helpful here to probe Aquinas further concerning two aspects
raised by Probyn about the educative and formative function of shame. First, if
shame is personal yet in relation to others, can it be localized (as a part of myself) or
is it always globalized (spread throughout the whole self)? There are hints in
Aquinas about his attitude to this issue. He points to shame’s potential to move
from a particular aspect of a person’s experience to become a more pervasive
presence (ST 2.2. 144.4 ad 3).
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 97

Again, Aquinas, in principle, limits the scope of moral shame to the blame and
loss of face for culpable actions. However, in practice, feelings of shame and
disgrace can start to envelop other aspects of one’s person through the attitude of
others, for instance concerning economic status, birth, job etc. (ST 2.2.144.2 ad 2).
This suggests the unjust face of shame in which a person’s standing in the eyes of
others is based on qualities that are not relevant to the person’s moral goodness.
Aquinas is anticipating the negative impact of cultural shame.
For Aquinas, one can recognize shame about part of oneself (an attitude or an
action) together with condemnation of others, but that does not necessarily mean
that the self disintegrates. One can still learn and improve. The moral life is a
journey of ongoing conversion.
For Aquinas, shame’s role is about past and future actions (ST 1.2. 41.4).14 But it
is also meant to help a person learn from their mistakes. Its teaching function is
evident in the experience of retrospective or “disgrace-shame” in terms of our
relationships with others and the patterns of social life. It embraces the non-moral
and moral domains, from courtesy, thoughtfulness, social gaffes, to breaches of
morality and infringements of the rights of others. Shame brings a global sense of
being seen by the self and others as flawed or defective in terms of certain stan-
dards. Guilt involves a judgement (and self-judgment) about a particular act. Here,
one can distinguish the self and “questions of its overall worthiness from its
actions” (Fowler 1996, 106–7). This form of shame builds on and can enhance
prospective or “discretion-shame” to possible future actions (ST 1.2. 41. 4) in which
shame resembles a moral antenna. This form of shame involves
both instinctive evaluative responses and the exercise of what we can call moral imagi-
nation and plays an important role in the formation of strengthening of conscience (Fowler
1996, 105).

However, this learning is not in isolation. Shame’s correlative is honour (hon-

estas) or moral excellence that is upheld and fostered by a community and its
members. When there is a failure to live up to this by a participant in that com-
munity’s life, the members have an interest in the person’s behaviour since it has an
impact on the common good. Aquinas offers a telling insight into how this works in
practice. Shame can motivate someone to want to learn from three circles of
relationship in a community (ST 2.2.144.3), given the degree of closeness and the
weight of testimony to the truth found there. In these three circles of interaction,
shame prompts openness to criticism, disagreement and change.
There is a noticeable convergence between Aquinas and Calhoun who points out
that giving the opinions of others “weight” (hence, the power to shame), indicates
that one takes those others seriously “as co-participants in a moral practice.” Again,
Calhoun argues that shame over moral failings is an essential component of the

14
For the terms “disgrace” and “discretionary” shame, see Schneider (1992). He relates them to
two words in French: “honte” which is Aquinas’ “shamefacedness” (erubescentia) = “discre-
tion-shame” and “pudeur” which is equivalent to Aquinas’ “shame” (verecundia) = “dis-
grace-shame” See ST 2.2.144.2.
98 T. Ryan

psychology of a mature moral agent and that vulnerability to feeling ashamed

before those with whom one shares a moral practice, even if one disagrees with
their moral criticisms, is often a mark of moral maturity’ (Calhoun 2004, 129,
italics in original).
Secondly, the educative function of shame can work at the collective level. In
this, there are three examples offered that illustrate the positive influence of shame
from a group in relation to wider society or between cultural traditions. My focus is
the southern hemisphere and, specifically, the Australian context.
The first instance concerns the question of homosexual law reform, an inter-
national issue, but our focus will be on one state in Australian. A recent news item
raised the matter of expunging the criminal convictions of those convicted of
homosexual acts in Queensland until the law was amended in 1990 so that
homosexual acts between consenting adults were decriminalised. What was striking
in the account was the comment of one man affected by his conviction over thirty
years ago. He was excluded from being a teacher. He said about his situation:
You become isolated in your shame and you want to hide this and one of the really
interesting thing I’ve discovered is I’m only one of hundreds, what happened to me there’s
hundreds and hundreds of people out there who this has affected (Higgins 2016).

Clearly, private shame isolates, shared shame unites. People together can
channel their common shame and galvanise themselves to act for a joint cause. In
this case, it is for the Government to refer the issue to the Queensland Law Reform
Commission to consider how convictions can be expunged from a person’s record.
Shame is here serving the cause of justice inspired by a group but affecting the
wider community.
Second, shame, again used properly, can be a positive instrument for healing and
reconciliation and prompt forms of learning across cultural traditions. This is
exemplified in legally acknowledged processes of restorative justice and such
practices as circle-sentencing, as, in the southern hemisphere, with Maori and
indigenous peoples (Probyn 2005, 90–98).
Probyn refers to legal initiatives (e.g., community or “circle” sentencing) taken
in New Zealand concerning Maori offenders and in Australia concerning indige-
nous peoples. In close communities, it is more effective to shame the offender than
use formal sanctions (retributive justice). This is because individuals care deeply
about what family and friends think about them. Further, it helps offenders more
fully appreciate the consequences of their actions when they are face to face with
those they have harmed in some way (Probyn 2005, 90–98). In these processes, we
can see how cultures can learn from one another, in this case individualist/guilt
from collectivist/ shame cultures. Again, they may well alert us to the danger,
particularly for westerners, of seeing collectivist/shame-based cultures as being
essentially conformist, namely, that they have a moral system centred on what other
people expect a person to do. Such a view could also imply that an
individualist/guilt-based framework of socialization is more suitable in helping its
members cultivate values that are personally appropriated to the degree that they act
from deep conviction.
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 99

Third, there is collective learning between cultural traditions within a specific

cultural and national context and its relation to shame as a “health” resource.
I would like to focus on the injustices done to the indigenous people in Australia in
terms of the dispossession of land and the “stolen generation” of children.15 The
court decisions and reports around these areas have both reflected and prompted an
increasing source of shame for many Australian, even, for some of guilt. Such a
response indicates
that we are rightly called to a communal responsiveness to those who are the victims of our
wrongdoing or the wrongdoing of those who preceded us (Gaita 1999, 87).

We do acknowledge that collective responsibility does entail guilt when a

community can and should act to prevent a harmful or unjust action or policy. It is
only with the greatest difficulty that one can attribute guilt or blame on successive
generations of Australians who did not intentionally and deliberately act to cause
harm. This form of collective responsibility is best expressed as “national shame”
suggests Gaita (1999, 95). He also points out that, while a clear distinction is
needed between guilt and shame, the distinction is not always sharp. Gaita suggests
a lesson from Greek tragedy about a state that is distinct from guilt and shame while
having elements of both and is best described as “pollution.” In Oedipus Rex, a man
kills his father and marries his own mother without any knowledge of their true
identity. It is, clearly, a case of ignorance for which he was not culpable. For all
that, when Oedipus’ realises what he has done and the evil person he has become,
‘his horror is of the kind we would naturally call “remorse”’ (Gaita 1999, 94).
Oedipus himself and the play’s chorus see him not as blameworthy but as
responsible, hence, “as properly responsive to the moral significance of his deeds”
(Gaita 1999, 95). It is also a responsibility towards the community that has been
“polluted”, tainted, burdened from “being caught up in the evil deeds of others”
(Gaita 1999, 94).
In what sense, then, can we say that the Australian community as a whole is
“responsible” for such actions or practices that caused past injustice and underlie its
ongoing implications? Gaita points out that there is no genuine responsibility
without “real responding.” Shame and remorse are responses that reflect what it
means to wrong someone else. They go beyond guilt in that they are ways of
acknowledging the truth of what we have been caught up in, often through no fault
of our own’ (Gaita 1999, 102).16 Shame is a collective response to wrong done by

15
This phrase is used to describe the policy of the removal of aboriginal children from their
families and tribes. The review of the policy was in “Bringing Them Home”—the Report of the
National Inquiry into the Separation of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Children from Their
Families April 1997. Concerning land rights, Mabo v Queensland (1992) was a landmark High
Court of Australia decision recognising native title in Australia for the first time.
16
We can consider the analogy of a person who has caused the death of someone in circumstances
where that person is totally without blame. They will still speak of “feeling responsible” of the
memory still “eating away at them”—language similar to that conveyed by “remorse” in its
etymological roots. Darin Strauss’ book Half a Life is a memoir about his experience after he hit
and killed a cyclist. He describes his feeling as that of “blameless guilt.” He says how the incident
100 T. Ryan

our ancestors, “a truthful response to the evil in our history—of the fact that it is our
history” (Gaita 1999, 102).
A succinct, yet comprehensive summary is offered by Danielle Celermajer.
The response behind shame does not result from a discrete doing (actus reus), but from the
people’s bearing and perpetuating the cultural and political context that underpinned the
doing…

She goes on to say that if

… collective shame is a valid basis for public policy as distinct from an emotional
response of gathered individuals,

it must be grounded in
… the political identity of the nation, linked to some political imperative and because it
serves a political objective, such as doing justice, consolidating the nation or strengthening
or reforming constitutional values. By linking the members of the nation to shame and
responsibility via political culture and the production of the conditions of the original
political action (removal), one provides a justification for political action (apology). This
shame is not an extra-political response which we then need to justify bringing into the
political sphere. Rather this shame is itself grounded in the political sphere (Celermajer
2006, 170–2).

In all this, we return to shame as a virtue (in the broad sense), something
acknowledged by Aquinas as reflecting and guarding moral excellence.
Acknowledgement of the wrongs done to the Aboriginal people goes beyond the
“material or psychological consequences” (Gaita 1999, 101). It means, most
importantly, being deeply moved by, being “affected” by, even identifying with,
their torment and suffering. This is what the Aboriginal people desire in asking for a
national apology (Gaita 1999, 101).
Helpful here is Gaita’s distinction between two approaches to shame and
remorse: either as criteria for understanding the Aboriginal’s plight and injustice or
as forms for such understanding (Gaita 1999, 101). I would suggest that with the
former the emphasis is on external standards against which understanding is
measured. The latter seems to approach the language of virtue, namely, the affective
disposition that informs and shapes moral understanding. One could argue that
there is an implied call to move from shame as an external point of reference to an
internal and personal appropriation of values at the cultural and communal level.
Shame, with remorse, inform and infuse the “felt knowing” or affective or appre-
ciative cognition which, for Aquinas and the virtue tradition, describes practical
reason.17 Shame, as an educative force, is a morally praiseworthy emotion that
expands our collective moral horizon, deepens our moral sensibilities and refines

(Footnote 16 continued)
was “branded on his brain” and that “I was eating myself out from the inside.” See Todd Leopold,
“You caused a death. Can you forgive yourself?” See CNN June 23, 2011 at http://edition.cnn.
com/2011/LIVING/06/22/forgiving.yourself/. Accessed 26 June 2015.
17
See Maguire (1986, 258) citing Aquinas’ de Malo, Q. 16, a 6 ad 13 and ad 8 for the phrase “ratio
practica seu affectiva.”
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 101

our affective responsiveness (and responsibility) to those who have suffered in

justice.
This brings us to the spiritual aspect of shame.

4.4 The Spiritual Dimension

In this discussion, “spiritual” is used in an inclusive sense. It is best captured in

Sandra Schneiders’ definition of Spirituality, as
the experience of conscious involvement in the project of life integration through
self-transcendence toward the ultimate value one perceives (Schneiders 2005, 1).

What is noteworthy in this statement is how broad it is. It could apply to a

Christian, Buddhist, Muslim or someone of no religious faith who tries to lead a
good life. Secondly, it points beyond oneself to something bigger than oneself—to
something or someone ultimate. Third, it involves a conscious decision about the
direction of one’s life. Fourth, the phrase “one perceives” suggest that a person is
living according to their “lights”, sincerely doing their best.
Finally, the direction and quality of that life is in terms a reaching out beyond
oneself in response to the needs of others as an ongoing life-project. The ultimate
“goal” is moral—concerning values and goodness that the person lives by and, in
reality, by which the person defines and shapes who they are. Perhaps one thing
muted in Schneiders’ definition is that it tends to start with the individual rather than
the person in the context of relationships—which is where human life starts and
develops.
In practice, what does spiritually so understood look like?
Generally, there are three strands to this spiritual quest: firstly, an awareness of
deeper levels of reality. It will often entail a needed sense of wonder leading to
forms of contemplative awareness about the mystery of life and of the world.
Second, there is a desire for personal integration—to somehow become a whole
person, to find ways of resisting and overcoming those pressures that can tend to
fragment our lives. Third, there is a desire to reach out and be concerned for others.
How these three aspects are at work may vary from person to person.
All of this is an expression of the yearnings found in every person, in every
culture. There is the quest for meaning—to make sense of the world and of our
lives. This search revolves around the big three questions; about origins (“where do
I/we come from?”); about identity (“who am I/are we”) and about (“Where am I/are
we going?”). At the very personal level, all of this finds its setting in what we all
share: the search to be oneself and the desire to being in relationship: to be an
individual and to be in communion.
How, then, does one engage the spiritual dimension of our lives, with particular
reference to shame?
The key phrase is “be attentive.” It is an attitude of being aware, of “stop, look
and listen” about life and the world around us. Without some level of attentiveness
102 T. Ryan

to life, we will not recognize the depth or mystery dimension that surrounds us—in
events, people and creation, and, especially, at times of turmoil, suffering and loss.
In other words, we will not recognize that something or someone is beckoning us.
This approach here resonates with that taken by David Ranson drawing on the
French philosopher and mystic Simone Weil. She considered that all religious
practice is attention animated by desire. I think she offers us a very helpful
approach to what many today refer to as “Spirituality” that complements that of
Sandra Schneiders.
Spirituality is certain attentiveness to life — an attentiveness which contains within itself a
certain desire, a certain hopefulness, a certain anticipation.
Spirituality is attention combined with intention. Attention animated by desire, or
attention become intention, awakens within us the awareness of a deepened relationship
with ourselves and with others, with the world and with some greater sense of meaning
(Ranson 2002, 17).

“Attention with intention” aligns with Whiteheads’ position on shame, guilt and
anger, in that they are “troublesome” emotions, yet they are “resources we cannot
do without”. It is the pain of negative emotions that “gets our attention” (Whitehead
and Whitehead 1994, 92, 178). These authors offer strategies for being “attentive”
to these emotional movements and states such that they become our friends rather
than remain our enemies. Their four-step strategy in simple terms is to name, claim,
tame and aim our negative emotions.18 This involves time and much patience. It is a
journey of “presence and participation” in which, in reality, we allow these emo-
tions, such as shame, to do their job (Whitehead and Whitehead 1994, 176–188).
But they need to be consciously engaged, as noted earlier.
In stressing the role of attention, Whitehead and Whitehead (1994) and Weil
(1951) join company with Confucius for whom a central virtue in the “moral
armory” is “attentive awareness” (ssü). It is the consciously cultivated ability to
focus, in a specific fashion, on a chosen object (Whitehead and Whitehead 1994,
178). In opening ourselves to what is objectively there, albeit in one’s conscious-
ness and emotional state as affected or moved in some way, we become receptive to
the object, as Simone Weil says. We become supple to what is real and can be
“penetrated by the object” (Myers 2012, 102).19 Shame and all our emotions are
ultimately interactive responses to objects, people and events beyond the self.20
Ranson (2002) reminds us that attention to them “implies”, or at least, “includes”
what lies outside the “self.” Engaging them with “attention” is a counter to spiri-
tuality understood in Cartesian terms as the “search for the true self.” Here, the
quest for transcendence is seen as independent of “network of relationships by
which personhood must be defined” (Ranson 2002, 81). In that sense, shame has a
needed role as a keeping us anchored in the world of the other and the other.

18
It is interesting to find Aquinas adopting a similar approach. For instance, in ST 1. 2. 38. 1–5, one
finds a five-step strategy to deal with sadness, depression, loss, and grief.
19
Myers cites Weil (1951) but without a page reference to the original text of her Waiting on God.
20
For a full explanation of the nature of an emotion see Ryan (2001a, b).
4 The Positive Function of Shame: Moral and Spiritual Perspectives 103

Finally, in what way can shame be counter-cultural or subversive and a point of

“cross-cultural” learning, historically understood? The instances we have discussed
within our working definition of culture and its analogous expressions interna-
tionally (L’Arche) and nationally (three issues of justice and injustice within the
Australian context) are each a form of resistance to, or within, a surrounding
culture. These particular situations highlight that, if shame is to provide a stimulus
for changed behaviour at the cultural level, there must be an underlying cognitive
and affective shift. In other words, Browning’s “working” definition must be “at
work” in real terms. It is not only about how we see the world and others. It is also
about being moved to respond accordingly.
In the light of that, we need to remember that history does throw up individuals
who, in how they see and respond to their world and cultural life, transcend their
personal and social shame while shaping the attitudes of others. In the last century
we had Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. In the past, there is Jesus Christ who
criticised and tried to relativise the grip of social shame only to die in ignominy—as
measured by his own culture. Amongst the young, we look to someone such as
21 years old Sophie Scholl executed with her brother in Nazi Germany for their
efforts of resistance. By the standards of her culture she was shamed and died
without honour. Now she (with the other students) is seen as admirable, even heroic
in living and dying by standards grounded in justice and truth. In her act of
self-transcendence, we find the luminous presence of moral beauty and true honour,
even if her story had been completely forgotten (Stump 2010, 149, 329).

4.5 Conclusion

As has become evident in these considerations about shame, it is a multi-faceted

and continuing presence in our lives. It can, as we have seen, take constructive and
destructive forms. Our focus has been on the moral and spiritual realms and their
underlying relational foundation. At times, these realms seem to overlap in terms of
personal well-being and meaning. What can be said is that, without a sense of
shame, with all its complexities and variations, we would not be truly human. It is
integral to being responsive, responsible and truly loving.

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Tronick, E., et al. (1978). The infant’s response to entrapment between contradictory messages in
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Weil, S. (1951). Waiting for god. New York: G.P. Putnam’s Sons.
Whitehead, J. D. & Whitehead, E. E. (1994). Shadows of the heart: A spirituality of the negative
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 Part II
Culture-Specific Perspectives on Shame
Chapter 5
lajjA in Indian Psychology: Spiritual,
Social, and Literary Perspectives

Dharm P.S. Bhawuk

Abstract The concept of lajjA is developed by (i) examining dictionary meanings,

synonyms, and antonyms of the word in sanskrit and hindi, and (ii) analyzing its
usage in two popular scriptural texts, the bhagavadgItA and drugA saptazatI.
Following this, its use in literature is examined in kAmAyanI, a modern hindi
mahAkAvya or epic. Further, the use of lajjA in daily communication and proverbs
is examined. This multi-method approach resulted in a thick-description of the
concept, showing that lajjA has both internal and external aspects and synthesizes
guilt and shame, which have been viewed as distinct and non-overlapping con-
structs in the western literature. Further, lajjA emerges as an important virtue that
guides human behavior. The belief that there are guilt-cultures and shame-cultures
is challenged, and implications of this concept for global psychology are discussed.

Keywords lajjA
Emotion
Shame
Guilt
doSa
Indian psychology

Harvard-Kyoto protocol for transliteration for devanAgarI is used for all sanskrit and hindi
words and names, and the first letters of names are not capitalized. All non-English words are
italicized.
अ a आ A इ i ई I उ u ऊ U ए e ऐ ai ओ o औ au ऋṛ R ॠṝ RR ऌ lR ॡ lRR अं M अः H क ka ख kha ग
ga घ kha ङ Ga च ca छ cha ज ja झ jha ञ Ja ट Ta ठ Tha ड Da ढ Dha ण Na त ta थ tha द da ध dha
न na प pa फ pha ब ba भ bha म ma य ya र ra ल la व va श za ष Sa स sa ह ha
.

D.P.S. Bhawuk (&)

University of Hawaii at Manoa, Honolulu, HI, USA
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 109

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_5
110 D.P.S. Bhawuk

5.1 Introduction

om lajjAyai namaH! (# 7401)

I bow to one who takes the form of lajjA!
om hrImatyai namaH! (# 302)
I bow to one who is endowed with hrI!
om udArakIrtaye namaH! (# 848)
I bow to one who generously grants fame!
om doSavarjitAyai namaH! (# 195)
I bow to one who is excepted from (or devoid of) faults!
om icchAzaktijJAnazaktikriyAzaktisvarUpiNyai namaH! (# 658)
I bow to one who is the power of will, power of wisdom, and power of action!

Watson (1913) laid the foundation of psychology away from philosophy and
dedicated his life to separate the two disciplines as can be seen in this quote:
“Psychology, as the behaviorist views it, is a purely objective, experimental branch
of natural science, which needs introspection as little as do the sciences of chem-
istry and physics. It is granted that the behavior of animals can be investigated
without appeal to consciousness. …The position is taken here that the behavior of
man and the behavior of animals must be considered on the same plane; as being
equally essential to a general understanding of behavior… In this sense, con-
sciousness may be said to be the instrument or tool with which all scientists work.
Whether or not the tool is properly used at present by scientists is a problem for
philosophy and not for psychology (p. 176).” I have worked against this separatist
movement to be able to tap into the rich Indian philosophical tradition that is full of
psychological insights (Bhawuk 2011), and this paper is another step in that
direction.
Theory building not only serves to predict future behavior but also aids in
understanding behaviors and phenomena. Moore (1967) insisted that “genuine
understanding must be comprehensive, and comprehensive understanding must
include a knowledge of all the fundamental aspects of the mind of the people [i.e.,
psychology] in question. Philosophy is the major medium of understanding, both
because it is concerned deliberately and perhaps uniquely with the fundamental
idea, ideals, and attitudes of a people, and also because philosophy alone attempts
to see the total picture and thus includes in its purview all the major aspects of the
life of a people (pp. 2–3).” Thus, analyzing the Indian scriptures, which are the
depository of Indian philosophical thoughts, has an important role to play in the
development of indigenous Indian psychological constructs, which is one of the
methodologies used in this paper.
In search of indigenous constructs that did not fit the western mould, Triandis
sought help from his international collaborators in the 1960s, which was not suc-
cessful, much to his disappointment. Professor Terry Prothro pointed out to him that

1
lalitAsahasranAma presents 1000 names of devI, and the number refers to that list.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 111

western educated scholars found it difficult to examine their culture from indige-
nous perspectives (Triandis 1994a). To fill this long-standing gap in the literature, I
have been developing models from indigenous perspectives without depending on
any western theory or findings (Bhawuk 1999, 2005, 2008, 2011). These models
are grounded in the wisdom found in the ancient texts that are still being used in
India in everyday life.
In this paper, I present the concept of lajjA from the perspective of Indian
psychology. In sanskrit, lajjA means shame, modesty, or bashfulness, and is viewed
as a virtue of noble people, not only for women but also for men, which guides
behavior. I adopt a methodology that can be useful in developing indigenous
constructs, which is presented first. This is followed by the examination of dic-
tionary meanings, synonyms, and antonyms of the word in sanskrit and hindi. I then
analyze its usage in two popular scriptural texts, the bhagavadgItA and drugA
saptazatI. These are cultural texts that are used by spiritual practitioners as a part of
their svAdhyAya or daily studies, and also by people in daily conversations. The
author himself studies them regularly and is conversant with the texts. Following
this, the construct is analyzed in a literary text, kAmAyanI, written in hindi by
jayazaGkar prasAd. Further, the usage of the word in daily conversation, including
proverbs, in hindi and urdu is examined.2 Finally, lajjA’s synonym in urdu, hayA,
which is rooted in Arabic, is examined, providing an intriguing comparison and
insight into the construct of lajjA. The paper ends with a discussion of the construct
as it appears in the Indian cultural milieu and its implications for global psychology.
It is hoped that this multi-method approach would provide the development of a
thick description (Geertz 1973) of the construct and allow triangulation of its
meanings.

5.2 Methodology

The lexical approach inspired by Galton’s (1884) study of personality is based on

the assumption that culturally stable personality characteristics become a part of the
language, and single words capture the most important of these characteristics. In
their psycho-lexical study of personality or traits using unabridged Webster’s New
International Dictionary, Allport and Odbert (1936) noted that the correspondence
between linguistic convention and psychological truth is mediated by culture,
which shapes both our psychology and language. Austin (1964) argued that words
are not merely facts or things but tools that can help us sharpen our awareness, and
thus understanding, of phenomena in the world. In this research, I examine con-
structs linguistically through a study of words, which is consistent with what

2
The analysis was done in nepAlI and bengAlI also, which further supported the findings. These are
not included here due to page limitation.
112 D.P.S. Bhawuk

philosophers (Austin 1964) and psychologists (Allport and Odbert 1936) have
proposed in the past. I also extend what they have proposed by tracing the
development of meaning of the target word by examining multiple texts in various
cultural domains.
The synonyms and antonyms of a construct provide the basic framework to
begin the search in the scriptures and literary texts. They help broaden the search as
they provide the necessary depth to appreciate a construct. They also help to narrow
down the research by excluding certain words, as they seem to distract rather than
add meaning to the construct.
Sacred texts or scriptures provide the deep cultural roots of a construct, whereas
literature (oral or written, poetry or prose) provides the branches of the construct
tree, and the size of the branch shows how the construct has grown over the years in
a certain domain. Both scriptures and literature constitute archival data and are
necessary parts of the symbolic structure of a culture. Therefore, in cultural studies
the examination of a construct in the scriptures and literature is essential, as it
provides the necessary thick description that defines and presents the construct in
multiple contexts or behavior settings. A thick description distilled from the
scriptures and the literature in this way can provide the cultural foundation for a
construct that is otherwise not available.
Examining the contemporary usage of the construct in proverbs and daily
communication is necessary to ensure that the construct is not a moribund or
unused concept. Proverbs have been compared to TOPs or Thematic Organizing
Packets, as they help us organize our cultural cognitive system (Bhawuk and
Doktor 2000). Using more than one text allows to examine if the themes emerging
from one text have saturated, as recommended in grounded theory methodology
(Glaser and Strauss 1967). Using multiple methods offers the opportunity to test the
validity of the saturation of the categories across different methods. Thus, sys-
tematically using multiple methodologies can help develop a rigorous foundation
for a construct in a particular culture. The findings of such a research can be used
for comparative or cross-cultural research in a much more meaningful way than the
current popular pseudo-etic approach in which constructs from western cultures
dominate the intellectual pursuit of understanding human psychology and behavior
(Triandis 1994b).

5.3 lajjA: Synonyms and Antonyms

lajjA is translated as shame, modesty, bashfulness, embarrassment, or timidity by

Monier-Williams in the sanskrit to English dictionary, which is available online. hrI
is a synonym of lajjA in sanskrit, which means “to feel shame, blush, be bashful or
modest, or be ashamed of anyone or anything.” It can also be used to mean “to
make ashamed, cause to blush, confound, put to shame figuratively to mean surpass
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 113

or excel.” Both words mean “shame, modesty, shyness, or timidity.” “trapA and
vrIDA are two other synonyms of lajjA. apamAnaH, duSkIrti, kalaGka, akIrtihetuH,
lajjAspadaM are other synonyms of lajjA. The antonyms of lajjA are nirlajja,
nirvRIDa, apatrapa, and lajjAhIna. All these words are used in hindi, nepAlI,
bengAlI, and many other Indian languages. lajjA also refers to the sensitive plant,
Touch-me-not, which is called Mimosa Pudica in Latin. It is called chuimui or
lAjawanti in hindi, thus providing the shared meaning with shame in English
language.
Chambers’s Etymological Dictionary of the English Language (Findlater 1900)
defined shame as “the feeling caused by the exposure of that which ought to be
concealed, or by a consciousness of guilt, the cause of shame, dishonor, the parts of
the body which modesty requires to be concealed, very modest, bashful, easily
confused, disgraceful, raising shame in others, indecent, immodest, done without
shame, and audacious.” As a verb, shame means “to make ashamed, to cause to
blush, or to cover with reproach.”
In English language shame and guilt are used as synonyms of each other, and
Tracy and Robins (2006) demonstrated how people use them in a confusing manner
in regular communication. Lewis (1971) conceptualized shame as having a focus on
self (e.g., how bad I am), whereas the focus of guilt is on a specific behavior (e.g.,
how could I have done that bad action or behavior). Shame is correlated with
discomfort, anxiety, depression, and anger. She argued that in the extreme situation
shame seems to be viewed as the root cause of all negative interactions. She
considered shame as an emotion that causes depression and recommended rooting it
out from a person’s emotional constitution. Tracy and Robins (2006) adopted this
conceptualization and posited that shame and guilt both pertain to internal attri-
butions of failure, but considered shame as stable and uncontrollable whereas guilt
as unstable and controllable. Thus, in western psychology, guilt is considered useful
for learning and growth, and therefore, is less negative compared to shame. On the
contrary, in the Indian rasa-theory or aesthetics, vrIDA or lajjA is one of the 33
vyabhicAri or subsidiary bhAvas or emotions. It is also not a part or component of
any of the eight rasas or essential emotional states, namely, zRGgAr or erotic,
hAsya or comic, karuNA or pathetic, raudra or furious, vIra or heroic, bhayAnak or
terrible, bIbhatsa or odious, and adbhuta or marvelous; or the ninth rasa, zAnta or
quietistic. Thus, in Indian psychology, lajjA is a gentle transient emotion but doSa
is a fault or sin calling for prAyazcitta or penance. It is also important to note that
unlike in the West where people are known to carry a guilt for years needing much
therapeutic counseling, in India, a person does prAyazcitta for the doSa and moves
on, vowing never to make the mistake again. It is no surprise that dharma-sindhu, a
scriptural text that offers guidance for behaviors, presents an entire chapter that
enumerates various prAyazcittas that are to be used for a variety of doSas or
infractions.
114 D.P.S. Bhawuk

5.4 lajjA in the bhagavadgItA

In the bhagavadgItA, the word lajjA does not appear even once. However, its
synonym, hrI appears once in the second verse of the sixteenth canto, along with
the 25 other virtues that are presented in the first three verses3 as daivIk sampadA
(divine wealth or assets). These 26 virtues are also considered sAttvik vrittis or
positive propensities of the manas or mind.4 In other words, the manas can be
cultivated to be drawn toward these virtues. These noble virtues are to be acquired
through practice by human beings in their life and to be translated into daily living.
The opposite of these virtues are called AsurIka, or those belonging to the asuras or
evil beings, and are listed in the fourth verse5 of the sixteenth canto, and then
elaborated upon in the following twenty verses. The Asurika assets include six
undesirable attributes: dambha (deceit, fraud, feigning, or hypocrisy), darpa (pride,
arrogance, haughtiness, insolence, or conceit), atimAna (seeking too much con-
sideration, regard, respect, or honor), krodha (anger; pAruSya or roughness,
harshness, or violence), and ajJana (ignorance). These six rAjasik or tAmaski vrittis
or negative propensities are to be systematically avoided in daily living. It is
important to examine the 26 virtues to understand the meaning of hrI or lajjA as a
noble virtue, since its value becomes transparent in the context of these virtues.
In the first verse of Canto 16, nine virtues are presented: abhayam or fearless-
ness, sattvasaMzuddhi or purification of the self with goodness (or purification of
the self to experience the spiritual essence), jJanayogavyavasthiti or constantly
situating oneself in the knowledge of the spiritual self (or constantly being aware of
the spiritual self), dAnaM or charity, damaH or restraint of senses, yajJaH or
spiritual activity (all self-purifying activities constitute some sort of yajJa),
svAdhyAyaH or study of scriptures that helps calm the manas or mind, tapaH or
spiritual austerity including activities like fasting that helps control the body and
manas, and ArjavaM or straightforwardness (i.e., innocence laden simplicity that
leads one to speak out his or her mind without holding back any information even if
what is said may go against the person).
In the second verse of Canto 16, eleven virtues are presented: ahiMsA or
non-violence of thought, speech, and deed, satyaM or truth (speaking the truth and
to lay out the intentions clearly is one aspect of satyaM), akrodhaH or non-anger,

3
Verse 16.1: abhayM sattvasaMzuddhirjJanayogavyavasthitiH, dAnaM damazca yajJazca
svAdhyAyastapa Arjavam; verse 16.2: ahiMsA satyamakrodhastyAgaH zAntirapaizunam,
dayAbhuteSvaloluptvaM mArdavaM hrIracApalaM; verse 16.3: tejaH kSamA dhRtiH zauca-
madroho nAtimAnita, bhavanti sampadaM daivImabhijAtasya bhArata.
4
manas in sanskrit or mana in hindi is the center for cognition, affect, and behavior (Bhawuk 2008,
2011), and, therefore, it is difficult to translate it in English. Mind is a widely used translation,
which only captures the cognitive function of manas, but not the affective and behavioral func-
tions. Therefore, I use manas in my writing, and use “manas or mind” from time to time to remind
the readers of the translation issue.
5
Verse 16.4: dambho darpo’atimAnazca krodhaH pAruSyameva ca, ajJanaM cAbhijAtasya
pArtha sampadamAsurIm.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 115

tyAgaH or non-attachment, zAntiH or peace, apaizunaM or non-calumny,

dayAbhuteSu or compassion for all beings, aloluptvaM or non-covetedness (i.e.,
absence of greed), mArdavaM or gentleness (i.e., kindness or leniency toward all
beings), hrIH, and acApalaM or absence of unsteadiness (capal means unsteady,
wanton, fickle, or inconstant). In the third verse of Canto 16, the final six virtues are
presented: tejaH or moral power,6 kSamA or forgiveness, dhrItiH or steadfastness,7
zaucaM or external and internal self-purification,8 adrohaH or absence of resent-
ment,9 and nAtimAnita or absence of seeking any attention or importance.10
The importance of lajjA can be seen in its association with the 26 virtues noted
above. When one cultivates the 26 virtues, lajjA becomes the gatekeeper or the
“Go/No-Go” test in the cultivation of each of the other 25 virtues. Am I fearless? If
not, then lajjA is aroused, and I feel motivated to act in a fearless way. Am I
charitable? If yes, then I am on track, but if not, then lajjA is aroused, and I am
reminded to cultivate charity. When Saint kabIr discussed the importance of cul-
tivating these virtues, his disciples complained that it was impossible to cultivate
them all. kabIr is said to have responded by saying that if one cultivates any one of
them, all virtues get cultivated. gAandhiji is known to have cultivated ahiMsA and
satya, the two virtues presented in the second verse of the sixteenth canto noted
above. It could be argued that cultivating lajjA could be that single virtue that could
guide one in daily behavior, and lead to the cultivation of all the other 25 virtues.
To further assess the meaning and interpretation of hrIH or lajjA, various
commentaries on the bhagavadgItA were employed (Sadhale 1936). Adi zankara
(788–820 CE) translated hrIH as lajjA without offering any further elaboration. The
meaning of lajjA and hrIH must have been obvious to scholars in his time.
rAmAnuja (1017–1137 CE) expounded hrIH as akAryakaraNe vrIDA (when one
considers doing something inappropriate, a prohibitive feeling arises that prevents
one from doing such a task; this internal prohibitive mechanism is hrIH, vrIDA, or
lajjA). madhusudan saraswati (1540–1640 CE) expounded hrIH as
akAryapravRttyArambhe tatpratibandhikA lokalajjA (the moment one thinks about
doing an inappropriate task, the negative evaluation that others would make of the
act is made salient in the manas or mind, thus restricting the performance of such an
activity). There is general agreement among scholars about the meaning of lajjA as
a reflective evaluation process that is automatically called into the cognitive process

6
Other meanings of tejaH are: energetic, inspiring respect, dignified, impatience, fierceness, fiery
energy, energetic opposition, ardor, vital power, spirit, the sharp edge of a knife, tip of flame, glow,
glare, splendor, brilliance, light, fire, and spiritual power.
7
Other meanings of dhrIti are: holding, seizing, keeping, supporting, firmness, constancy, reso-
lution, will, and command.
8
Other meanings of zauca are: cleanness, purity, purification, purity of mind, integrity, and
honesty.
9
The antonym of droha is adroha. Other meanings of droha are: injury, mischief, harm, perfidy,
treachery, wrong, and offense.
10
mAna means consideration, regard, respect, and honor; atimAna means excessive regard;
nAtimAna is the antonym of atimAna.
116 D.P.S. Bhawuk

restricting the performance of certain tasks that are considered inappropriate by the
zAstras or scriptures.
It is important to understand what the zAstras are. A modern day enlightened
saint, zrI zrI sitArAm dAs omkArnAth, said, “Who says human beings have written
the zAstras? Man is surely the recollector of zAstras, but the creator is God alone.
God published these scriptures in the hearts of RSis absorbed in profound
meditation”(Jeeyar 2008, p. 184). He further clarified the purpose of the zAstras
—“The role of zAstras is to help one determine the truth and be one-pointed with
the great unity. Man cannot lift himself up with a single leap; he can gain peace by
steadily walking on the path of zAstras. If it were possible to attain everything
through nAm [name of God] alone, what is the use of vedas, upniSads, samhitAs,
purANa, tantra, etc.? Their purpose is to develop loving devotion to nAm. How can
you develop loving devotion to nAm without reading zAstras? (p. 185). Human
mind craves for newness, which is why so many texts have been composed
(p. 192).”
As an exemplar, zrI zrI sitArAm dAs omkArnAth presents his own experience in
support of the zAstras, “To make the mind flood with religious feeling, it is nec-
essary to read a religious text daily—a book that will melt the heart. sitArAm reads
divine drama daily; and reading, in its wake, brings about great thrill in the body.
I derive more pleasure in reading scriptures than in meditation (p. 185).” Saints like
zrI zrI sitArAm dAs omkArnAth interpret the zAstras by living the precepts in their
lives and also expounding on the meaning when people have doubts about how to
use them as a guide in their life. The zAstras are living cultural texts that provide
meaning to the lives of people, and lajjA guides one in following the path shown by
the zAstras. Thus, one is culturally socialized about activities that are not to be
carried out, and lajjA guides one not to perform such activities.
The bhagavadgItA sheds some light on such activities in the discussion of karma
in the fourth canto. In verse 4.17, three types of karma or actions are presented,
karma (action), vikarma prohibited action (niSiddha karma or forbidden actions),
and akarma (inaction).11 Actions that are to be performed include svadharma12 or
duties of self (bhagavadgItA verse 3.35) that are guided by one’s varNAzrama

11
Verse 4.17: karmaNo hyapi boddhavyaM boddhavyaM ca vikarmaNaH, akarmaNazca
bodhavyaM gahanA karmaNo gatiH—as it is difficult to understand the nature of karma, it is
important to understand what action is, what inaction is, and what forbidden action is.
12
Verse 3.35: zreyAnsvadharmo viguNaH pardharmAtsvanuSThitAt, svadharme nidhanaM
zreyaH pardharmo bhayAvahaH—one should perform one’s svadharma or prescribed duties even
if it is not attractive, for it is better to suffer doing ones’ prescribed duties than to switch to others’
attractive duties or what is prescribed for others. A person working in an organization often thinks
in terms of likes and dislikes. If one is not happy working on an assigned project, the person is
likely to consider it unattractive, distasteful, not satisfactory, or not fitting one’s career goal. One
suffers while doing such a project or job. One often finds the project assigned to others more
attractive. It is advisable to speak to one’s superior about the assignments, duties, or projects
before they are assigned, but once a project is assigned, one must perform to the best of one’s
ability like it is one’s svadharma, without paying attention to what others are assigned. This is the
essence of this verse.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 117

dharma, or aptitude and phase (or stage) of life. For example, the first 25 years is
the student or learning phase, and one should dedicate time and energy to learn the
skills according to one’s aptitude. In the second phase of life, up to the age of 50,
one should be a householder and pursue artha (or wealth) and kAma (or pleasure) as
guided by dharma (or duty), with an eye on the ultimate objective of life, mokSa or
liberation. This is the relational phase of life in which one raises family and takes
care of all social duties. In the third phase of life, one becomes a forest-dweller and
cultivates contemplation by focusing on spiritual practices striving for mokSa or
liberation. And finally, at the age of 75, one becomes a monk or renunciate, and
dedicates all effort and energy for the pursuance of mokSa or liberation through
renunciation. There are some activities that are to be performed and others that are
to be avoided in each phase of life, and lajjA becomes the internal governor that
guides one not only in not doing what is inappropriate, but also in doing what is
appropriate, for not doing what is appropriate also arouses lajjA.
In verses 2313 and 2414 in the sixteenth canto, kRSNa instructs arjuna about the
importance of following the zAstras in performing actions. In verse 23, he instructs
that a person who abandons the ways of the zAstras or scriptures and follows the
way of desires does not find happiness or achieve success in either the material
world or the one beyond. In verse 24, he emphasizes that one should perform
actions in the world knowing the way of the scriptures, what is to be done and what
is not to be done. Later in verse 24, 25, and 2715 in the seventeenth canto he
provides yajJa or sacrifices, dAna or charities, tapaH or spiritual austerity, and
karma or actions as four activities that must be performed without exception. In
verse 17.24, he instructs that those who pursue the brahman, or are the repositories
and communicators of the sacred knowledge, begin all activities—sacrifices,
charity, spiritual austerity, and actions—by uttering om. In verse 17.25, he states
that those who want liberation should pursue yajJa, tapaH, dAna, and actions
without pursuing the fruit. And finally in verse 17.27, he glorifies yajJa, tapaH,

13
Verse 16.23: yaH zAstravidhimutsRjya vartate kAmakArataH, na sa siddhimavApnoti na
sukhaM na parAM gatim—a person who abandons the ways of the zAstras or scriptures and
follows the way of desires does not find happiness or achieve success in either the material world
or the one beyond.
14
Verse 16.24: tasmAcchAstraM pramANaM te kAryAkAryavyavasthitau, jJatvA
zAstravidhAnoktaM karma kartumihArhasi—therefore, one should perform actions in the world
knowing the way of the scriptures, what is to be done and what is not to be done.
15
Verse 17.24: tasmAdomityudAhRtya yajJadAnatapaH kriyAH, pravartante vidhAnoktAH
satataM brahmavAdinAm—those who pursue the brahman, or are the repositories and commu-
nicators of the sacred knowledge, begin all sacrifices, charity, spiritual austerity, and actions by
uttering om.
Verse, 17.25: tadityanabhisaMdhAya phalaM yajJatapaHkriyAH, dAnakriyAzca vividhAH
kriyante mokSakAGkSibhiH—those who want liberation should pursue yajJa, tapaH, dAn, and
actions without aiming at the fruit.
Verse 17.27: yajJe tapasidAne ca sthitiH saditi cocyate, karma caiva tadarthIyaM
sadityevAbhidhIyate—sat or the absolute truth is situated in sacrifices, charities, spiritual austerity,
and activities.
118 D.P.S. Bhawuk

dAna, and karma by stating that sat or the absolute truth is situated in sacrifices,
charities, spiritual austerity, and actions.
Finally, in the eighteenth canto the same idea that sacrifices, charities, austerities,
and actions that are guided by the scriptures are never to be given up is emphasized
in verses 18.3 and 18.5 by presenting the argument that such activities help purify
the manas of the practitioner.16 Therefore, should one be tempted to neglect sac-
rifices, charities, austerities, or actions, or feel lazy to perform them, then lajjA
becomes the cognitive hurdle, and one is prevented from neglecting his or her
duties.
As arjuna puts down his bow and arrows and tells kRSNa at length that he did
not want to fight a war in which he would be killing his relatives, kRSNa tells him
not to think like that since the conch cells had already been blown to start the war.
He chides arjuna not to yield to impotency, and exhorts him to stand up and fight
by getting over faint heartedness. kRSNa emphasizes that walking away from the
battle field was not an appropriate behavior for noble warriors, would lead to loss of
heaven after death, and result in long-lasting infamy (bhagavadgItA verses 2.2 and
2.3).17 Here we notice that lajjA mediates apkIrti or infamy, in that lajjA is the
intrinsic motivation to avoid actions that would lead to infamy. The relationship
between lajjA and infamy is so important that kRSNa emphasize again how arjuna
would be neglecting his svadharma or natural social duty, earn pApaM or sin in
doing so, be labeled as a fearful quitter by people who respected him as a great
warrior, and become a target of humiliating reference for generations. For all these
reasons, kRSNa concludes that infamy is worse than death, and asks arjuna to
engage in the battle (bhagavadgItA verses 2.31–2.37).18 Thus, lajjA is aroused in

16
Verse 18.3: tyAjyaM doSavadityeke karma prAhurmanISiNaH, yajJadAntapaHkarma na
tyAjyamiti cApare—some wise people say that all karma cause bondage and so they should be
given up, whereas others say that yajJa, dAna, tapaH, and karma guided by the zAstras should not
be given up.
Verse 18.5: yajJadAnatapaHkarma na tyAjyaM kAryameva tat, yajJo dAnaM tapazcaiva
pAvanAni manISiNAm—sacrifice, charities, and austerities help purify the manas of the wise ones,
and, therefore, they should not be given up.
17
Verse 2.2: kutastvA kazmalamidaM viSame samupasthitam, anAryajuSTamasvargyamakIrtikara
marjuna—where do you get this bad idea in this difficult time that does not behoove noble
warriors, would lead to loss of heaven, and would cause infamy. Verse 2.3: klaibyaM mA sma
gamaH pArtha naitattvayyupapadyate, kSudraM hRdayadaurbalyaM tyaktvottiSTha parantapa—
it does not behoove you, a master of austerities, to yield to unmanliness; so get over your faint
heartedness and stand up to fight.
18
Verse 2.31: svadharmamapi cAvekSya na vikampitumarhasi, dharmyAddhi yuddhAcchreyo’nyat-
kSatriyasya na vidyate—considering your natural social duties also you should not vacillate, for there
is nothing better for a warrior than to be a part of a fair war. Verse 2.32: yadRcchayA copapannaM
svarga-dvAramapAvRtam, sukhinaH kSatriyAH pArtha labhante yuddhamIdRzam—warriors are
happy to be in a battle like this since it readily opens the gates of heaven for them. Verse 2.33: atha
cettvamimaM dharmyaM saGgrAmaM na kariSyasi, tataH svadharmaM kIrtiM ca hitvA
pApamavApsyasi—if you do not engage in this battle for justice, you will be forsaking your natural
social duties, be infamous, and incur sin. Verse 2.34: akIrtiM cApi bhUtAni kathayiSyanti te’vyayAm,
sambhAvitasya cAkIrtirmaraNAdatiricyate—people will endlessly talk about your infamy, and
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 119

both situations, when one is tempted not to do what should be done (or quit a task
because it is difficult or challenging), and to do what should not to be done.
Therefore, lajjA is the inner impediment guided by scripture or cultural norm of
appropriateness that leads one to act appropriately. It is a mental process that
restrains a behavior or another mental process, i.e., a thought or desire.

5.5 lajjA in the drugA saptazatI

durgA saptazatI is a part of mArkanDeya purANa, much like the bhagavadgItA is a

part of the epic mahAbhArata. The text consist of 13 cantos and 579 verses, 78, 68,
41, 36, 76, 20, 25, 62, 39, 28, 51, 38, and 17 in the first through the thirteenth
cantos respectively (Sharma 1988). The story of devI (Goddess), who is the pro-
tector of even Gods, and has taken various forms since the creation of the Universe,
is narrated by mArkanDeya RSi. In the first canto, soon medhas RSi is presented as
the narrator, who is explaining how devI is the creator, protector, and destroyer of
the universe to king surath, who was on the run having lost his kingdom, and the
businessman called samAdhi, who had lost his business and had been shunned by
his wife and children. In Canto one, the story of how devI protected brahmA, the
creator of the universe is presented. In Cantos two, three, and four, how devI came
into being by taking the essence of all the Gods to protect them from mahiSAsura,
and how she destroyed him and his army is narrated. From Canto 5 to 11, the
narration accounts for the destruction of the two brothers, zuMbha and nizuMbha,
who had defeated the Gods and dispossessed them of their rights and privileges. In
the last two cantos, how the king and the businessman were able to gain their
kingdom and knowledge respectively by praying to devI is narrated.
There are four long prayers in the text. The first one is by brahmA (Canto 1), the
creator God, who prays to devI to awaken viSNu, the protector God, so that he could
protect him from the two demons, madhu and kaiTabha. The second prayer is by all
the Gods after devI kills mahiSAsura and his warriors (Canto 4). The third prayer is
by all the Gods to invoke devI to protect them from zuMbha and nizuMbha (Canto
5), and the final prayer is by all the Gods to thank devI for destroying the two
brothers and their warriors (Canto 11). lajjA is used in each of the four prayers to

(Footnote 18 continued)
infamy is worse than death for noble people. Verse 2.35: bhayAdraNAduparataM maMsyante
tvAM mahArathAH, yeSAM ca tvaM bahumato bhUtvA yAsyasi lAghavam—not only the great
warriors would consider that you quit the war out of fear, but also those who respect you as a
warrior would hold you in contempt. Verse 2.36: avAcyavAdAMzca bahUnvadiSyanti tavAhitAH,
nindantastava sAmarthyaM tato duHkhataram nu kim—what could be more painful than your
enemies putting you down and talking ill about you? Verse 2.37: hato vA prApsyasi svargaM jitvA
vA bhokSyase mahIm, tasmAduttiSTha kaunteya yuddhAya kRtanizcayaH—fall in the battle and
go to heaven or win the war and enjoy the kingdom; resolve and stand up to fight.
120 D.P.S. Bhawuk

personify devI. The verses and the interpretation of lajjA by various scholars helps
to decode its meanings further.
In the first canto, brahmA eulogizes devI in 14 verses (verses 54–67). The prayer
starts by presenting her as the recipient of all the offerings made in a yajJa to the
Gods and the ancestors, thus symbolizing her as the epitome of all yajJas (svAhA,
svadhA, and vaSaTkAraH: svAhA is the offering made to any God and the last
utterance of every mantra in a yajJa; svadhA is the offering of food made to the
deceased ancestors; vaSaTkAraH is invocation of the mantras that is used to invite
the Gods to the yajJas). She is vowel and consonants personified. She is the nectar
giving life. She is the sound om and constitutes it with the three letters a, u, and m.
On the symbol om, she is the anusvAra or point (i.e., period sign), which cannot be
pronounced. She is sandhyA (morning or evening twilight), sAvitrI (the hymn
offered to Sun also called gAyatri, verse III.62.10 in Rgveda), and the Divine
Mother.19
She holds the universe. She is the creator, protector and destroyer of the uni-
verse. She is mahAvidyA (the great knowledge or learning), mahAmAyA (the great
illusory power), mahAmedhA (the great wisdom or intelligence), mahAsmRtiH (the
great memory), and mahAmohA (the great ignorance causing power that leads
people to be attached to the material world, and the physical identity—I, me, and
my), mahAdevI (the one who is greater than the devas or Gods), and mahAsuri (one
who takes the form of the great asuras like madhu, kaiTabha, mahiSAsura, or
hiraNyAkSa).20 She divides the prakRti or nature in the three guNas or strands of
sattva (purity or goodness), rajas (action), and tamas (darkness), and she takes the
form of kAlarAtri (when she ends of the universe), mahArAtri (when she witnesses
ziva to perform mahApralaya or destruction of the universe), and moharAtri (when
she dooms the universe into ignorance covered with “me” and “my”).21
In verse 60, following the above eulogy, brahmA further personifies her as zrI
(wealth), izvarI (controller of the universe), hrI (lajjA), buddhibodhalakSaNA
(wisdom or intelligence), lajjA, puSTi (nourishment), tuSTi (satisfaction), zAntiH

19
durgAsaptazatI Verse 1:54: tvam svAhA tvam svadhA tvam hi vaSaTkAraH svarAtmikA, sudhA
tvamakSare nitye tridhA mAtrAtmikA sthitA. Verse 1.55: ardhamAtrAsthitA nityA yAnuccAryA
vizeSataH, tvameva sandhyA sAvitri tvam devi janani parA.
20
According to atharvaveda, devI is both zUnya and azUnya, Anand and anAnand, vijJana and
avijJana, brahman and abrahman, veda and aveda, vidyA and avidyA, aja and anaja, and,
therefore, beyond any duality (see zrIdurgAsaptazatI (1990), pp.44–45: ahaM brahmasvarUpiNI.
mattaH prakRtipuruSatmakaM jagat. zUnyaM cAzUnyaM ca. ahamAnandAnAnandau. ahaM
vijJanAvijJAne. ahaM brahmAbrahmaNI veditavye. ahaM paJcabhUtAnyapaJcabhUtAni.
ahamakhilaM jagat. vedo’hamavedo’ham. vidyAhamavidyAham. ajAhamanajAham,
adhazcordhvaM ca tiryakcAham).
21
durgAsaptazatI verse 1. 56: tvayaitaddhAryate vizvaM tvayaitatsRjyate jagat, tvayaitatpAlyate
devi tvamatsyante ca sarvadA. Verse 1.57: visRSTau sRSTirUpA tvaM sthitirUpA ca pAlane, tathA
saMhRtirUpAnte jagato’sya jaganmaye. Verse 1.58: mahAvidyA mahAmAyA mahAmedhA
mahAsmRtiH, mahAmohA ca bhavatI mahAdevI mahAsurI. Verse 1.59: prakRtistvaM ca sarvasya
guNatryavibhAvinI, kAlratrirmahArAtrirmoharAtrizca dAruNA. Verse 1.60: tvaM zRstvamIzvarI
tvaM hRstvaM buddhirbodhalakSaNA, lajjA puSTistathA tuSTistvaM zAntiH kSAntireva ca.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 121

(peace), and kSAntiH (forgiveness). Both lajjA and hrI are used. Some commen-
tators interpret hrI as the single letter mantra (hrIM), others as lajjA, and yet others
as either or both (see Sharma 1988). lajjA is also defined by commentators as (i) the
nature of “internal organ” or conscience (nagojIbhaTT’s definition:
antaHkaraNavRttivizeSaH), (ii) self-abhorrence of inappropriate behavior and
shame about what others may say (daMzoddhAr’s definition: hrIH svata
evAkAryato vaimukhyaM lajjA lokazaGkayA; he also provides two other meanings
of hR: prANa or life force and seed mantra—hrImiti pAThe prANarUpA. hRMkAro
vai prANaH iti zruteH. yadvA hRMbIjarUpA), and (iii) feeling bad about not
knowing what is to be done (caturdharI’s definition: “lajjA kRte karaNIye param
ajJanazaGkayA duHkham”). These definitions are consistent with the definitions
presented in the previous section, and present a shared view that lajjA works as both
an internal and external preventive mechanism (internal: one does not feel good
about not doing an appropriate behavior and feels bad about doing an inappropriate
behavior; and external: one is guided by what others would say if one does not do
what is expected of the person and if one does what is not expected of him or her).
Thus, lajjA is an important attribute of devI, equal in importance to, and certainly no
less in importance than, any of her other attributes. This establishes the significance
of the construct of lajjA.
In the fourth canto, lajjA appears in the fourth verse of the 26-verse prayer
offered to devI by all the Gods after she destroys mahiSAsura and his army. The
verse presents how devI resides in five forms, as zrIH or wealth in the homes of
those who perform pious acts, as alakSmI or poverty in the homes of those who are
sinful or act in discordance with the zAstras, as buddhi in those who are pure
internally, as zraddhA or reverence in pious people, and as lajjA in people from
noble families.22 This verse provides a nomological network for the construct of
lajjA as devI is associated with noble people as wealth, wisdom, reverence, and
lajjA; and with ignoble people as poverty.23 The commentators do not add any new

22
durgAsaptazatI verse 4.4: yA zrIH svayaM sukRtinAM bhavaneSvalakSmIH pApAtmanAM
kRtadhiyAM hRdayeSu buddhiH, zraddhA satAM kulajanaprabhavasya lajjA tAM tvAM natAH
sma paripAlaya devi vizvam. We bow to the Goddess, and pray to her to take care of the universe.
She is wealth personified for those whose actions are noble. She brings poverty to the sinners. She
gives wisdom to those who perform proper actions. She bestows reverence upon those who are
pure. She resides in noble people as lajjA.
23
This nomological network is supported in a verse from the nitizlokAH: vidyA dadAti vinayaM
vinayAdyAti pAtratAm, pAtratvAddhanApnoti dhanAt dharamaM tataH sukham—knowledge or
wisdom gives humbleness, humbleness gives receptiveness, receptiveness gives wealth, wealth is
used to perform duty, and performance of duty leads to happiness. Since knowledge or wisdom
gives one lajjA, the template that guides one to perform appropriate actions and not do inappro-
priate activities, lajjA is similar to vinaya or humbleness. Both vinaya and lajjA are tender virtues.
When one acquires wealth, lajjA guides the person to use it toward lokasaGgraha or good of the
public at large, and that is consistent with following one’s dharma or duty. Therefore, lajjA
appears in this happiness model twice, first explicitly as vinaya or humbleness after one acquires
knowledge, and later implicitly when one acquires wealth, to guide one to perform dharma
according to the zAstras. Without lajjA, one would not use knowledge and wealth appropriately,
and, therefore, not be on the path to happiness. The network of virtues in the prayer (zrIH, alakSmi,
122 D.P.S. Bhawuk

definition, but nAgojibhaTTa elaborates his definition as

akaraNIyApravRttilakSaNAntaHkaraNavRttivizeSaH or volition of the internal
organ (antaHkaraNa is a term used to include manas or mind, buddhi or wisdom,
and ahaGkAra or ego) that prevents the impetus to do an inappropriate action.
Thus, lajjA is a positive, rather than negative, psychological construct. It is to be
cultivated rather than avoided, for it guides our behavior towards nobility.
In the fifth canto, lajjA appears in the sixteenth verse of the 27-verse prayer
offered to devI by all the Gods to invoke her to destroy zuMbha and nizuMbha. In
this verse, devI is said to be present in all beings as lajjA, or she is lajjA personi-
fied.24 devI is said to be present in all the beings as buddhi (or wisdom), nidrA (or
sleep), kSudhA (or hunger), chAyA (or shadow), zakti (or energy), tRSNA or (pas-
sion), kSAnti (or forgiveness), jAti (or birth), lajjA, zAnti (or peace), zraddhA (or
reverence), kAnti (or glow), lakSmI (or wealth), vRtti (or motivation to work), smRti
(or memory), dayA (or compassion), tuSTi (or contentment), matR (or mother), and
bhrAnti (or illusion). lajjA is not a construct limited to human beings, but it is
present in all beings, thus animals and plants also have a sense of what is natural
(appropriate behavior in human world) and what is not natural (inappropriate
behavior in human world), and this guides their behavior. Again lajjA is presented
as a positive construct along with other constructs. Further, since devI is present in
all beings as basic needs like sleep, hunger, passion, and birth, it highlights the
importance of lajjA and the other virtues in a larger framework or worldview.25
In the eleventh canto, lajjA appears in the twenty-first verse of the 35-verse
prayer offered to devI by all the Gods after zuMbha and nizuMbha and their army is
destroyed. In this verse, devI is addressed as lakSmI (wealth), lajjA, mahAvidyA (or
great knowledge), zraddhA (or reverence), puSTi (or nourishment), svadhA (of-
ferings to ancestors), dhruvA (unmoving), mahArAtri (the great night of dissolution
of the universe), mahA’vidyA (the great ignorance), and narAyaNi (the female form
of nArAyaNa or viSNu; in the Hindu trinity, brahmA is the creator, viSNu is the
protector, and ziva is the destroyer; brahmANI, vaiSNavI, and mAhezvarI are the
female forms of the three Gods that are offered prayer in this canto). Most of the
constructs except puSTi and dhruvA have already been discussed above, and as

(Footnote 23 continued)
buddhi zraddhA, and lajjA) and this verse from the nitizlokAH (vidyA, vinaya, pAtratA, dhana,
dharma, and sukha) have a remarkable overlap. It should also be noted that lajjA is the mother of
vinaya, who is the son of dharma and lajjA. lajjA follows dharma, as a wife is said to be
sahacArinI, or one who always travels together. So, wherever we find dharma, we will find lajjA.
vinaya is gentle like his mother lajjA, hence the overlap between the two models is natural.
24
durgAsaptazatI verse 5.16: yA devI sarva bhUteSy lajjA rupeNa samsthitA, namastasyai
namastasyai namastasyai namo namaH. devI who is present as lajjA in all beings, we bow to her,
we bow to her, we bow to her.
25
The only negative attribute used in these prayers is bhrAnti or illusion. medhas RSi explains that
only by praying to devI can we get out of the negative mindset that she alone provides. It was also
noted above that devI is beyond duality, and so she is both positive and negative qualities. As
noted above in footnote 21, devI is said to be beyond duality, and so the negative construct is used
to remind us of that aspect of devI.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 123

noted above, lajjA is presented as a positive construct and appears in association

with other positive constructs.
The glorification of lajjA can also be seen in its inclusion in the thousand names
of devI in lalitAsahasranAm: om lajjAyai namaH! (I bow to one who takes the form
of lajjA, # 740). There are three other names that were presented at the outset of the
paper that are related to lajjA: om hrImatyai namaH! (I bow to one who is endowed
with hrI, # 302; hrI is a synonym of lajjA, but as discussed above, it also has some
other connotations like prANa or life breath); om udArakIrtaye namaH! (I bow to
one who generously grants fame, # 848; kIrti or fame is one of the antonyms of
lajjA); om doSavarjitAyai namaH! (I bow to one who is excepted from faults, #
195; doSa means fault or guilt, and since devI is excepted from it, it is clearly not
related to lajjA as noted above). As devI is lajja personified, and excepted from
doSa or guilt, lajjA and doSa, shame and guilt respectively, are different constructs
in the Indian worldview.
There are many interesting names in the thousand names of devI, but the one that
provides insight in the meaning of lajjA is, om icchAzaktijJAnazaktikriy
AzaktisvarUpiNyai namaH! (I bow to one who is the power of will (or desire),
power of wisdom, and power of action! # 658). The sequencing of the three names,
will (or desire), wisdom, and action, is insightful. When we have a desire, it propels
us into action, and since both of these are powered by the same source, devI, they
would be instantaneous. But she also provides the power of wisdom, which comes
between desire and action, and lajjA is that wisdom as it guides us to choose desires
that are appropriate and reject those that are not. Thus, lajjA mediates between
desire and action, according to this name of devI, which provides a model of how
desire, lajjA, and action are related.

5.6 lajjA in the Literature

kAmAyanI is a mahAkAvya or an epic poem written in hindi by jayazaGkar prasAd

(Prasad 1936). It consists of 15 sargas or cantos, and lajjA is the sixth canto of the
text. The names and the organization of the cantos are psychologically meaningful
as the main male character of the epic, manu, goes through the fifteen emotional
stages: cintA (or anxiety), AzA (or hope), zraddhA (or reverence), kAma (or desire),
vAsanA (or lust), lajjA, karma (or action), IrSyA (or jealousy), iDA (praise or
worship), svapna (or dream), saGgharSa (or struggle), nirveda (vairAgya or
detachment), darzana (or philosophy), rahasya (or mystery), and Anand (or joy).
lajjA is the emotion that is experienced by, zraddhA, who marries manu, and is
presented primarily as a feminine emotion, but many of its characteristics are
applicable to men as well. lajjA appears after the canto on kAma (or desire) and
vAsanA (or lust) and before karma (or action) and IrSyA (or jealousy), which is
meaningful in itself. As noted above, lajjA is a guide for action, and so it is
presented before karma.
124 D.P.S. Bhawuk

lajjA is defined in canto six toward the end, but its characteristics or attributes are
presented right from the start of the canto. In canto six, 32 attributes of lajjA are
presented and a formal definition is presented at the end with poetic beauty. The
poet presents these attributes as a dialogue between zraddhA, the first wife of manu,
and an imaginary character, lajjA, which captures her emotional state at that point in
time in her life. manu has just proposed to zraddhA and she has accepted to enter
into a conjugal relationship with him. In a way, this canto is a monologue of
zraddhA, for she is talking with the imaginary character of lajjA. She begins by
asking lajjA who she is, but in her questions she presents 15 attributes that char-
acterize lajjA, which capture her own emotions or feelings. (1) lajjA is tender, like a
bud hiding in its delicate new petals or a lamp just lit at dusk and seen through the
veil of dust raised by the hooves of the cows returning home at the end of the day
(komal kisalaya ke aJcal meM nanhIM kalikA jyoM chipatI-sI, godhUlI ke dhUmil
paTa meM dIpak ke svar meM dipatI-sI).
When a person, usually a woman, experiences lajjA, (2) she puts her finger on
her lips (vaise hI mAyA se lipaTI adharoM par uGgali dhare huye), (3) she keeps
her head down (sir nIcA kar ho gUMtha rahI mAlA jisase madhu dhAra Dhare),
(4) her body becomes soft and supple like melting wax (sab aGga moma se banate
haiM, komalatA meM bal khAti huM), (5) there is a fluid smile on her face (smit ban
jAtI hai taral haMsI), (6) her eyes shine with playfulness (nayanoM meM bhara kar
bAMkapanA), (7) she hesitates to touch anything (chUne meM hicak), (8) her
eyelids are down covering the eyes while looking (dekhane meM palakeM
AMkhoM par jhukatI haiM), (9) her thoughts mockingly freeze on the lips (i.e., it is
not expressed) (parihAs bharI gUMjeM adharoM tak sahasA rukatI haiM), (10) she
responds in murmurs or her voice is barely audible (chAyA pratimA gungunA uThI,
zraddhA kA uttar detI-sI), (11) there is redness in her cheeks (lAlI bana saral
kapoloM meM), (12) she feels like an adornment or the mascara in her eyes
(AMkhoM meM aJjan sI lagatI), (13) her ears turn red (maiM vah halakI sI masalan
hUM jo banatI kanoM kI lAlI), (14) she feels she is stooping like a branch of tree
laden with fruits (jhuka jAtI hai man kI DAlI apanI phalabharatA ke Dar meM),
and (15) she feels as if she is shrinking within (maiM simaTa rahI sI apane meM
parihAs gIta sun pAtI hUM). These 14 attributes are psycho-somatic expressions of
the emotion of lajjA, and would be candidates for an examination of what behavior
settings generate them in India and other cultures. These emotions arise in the
beginning of a relationship in an arranged marriage when the couple have entered
conjugal relationship but do not know each other at all.
Then lajjA responds to zraddhA, and introduces herself. lajjA (16) is a restraint
that says, “Stop, think about the action you are contemplating to perform (maiM ek
pakaD hUM jo kahatI Thaharo kuch soMca vicAra karo);” (17) is the flash of
prudence that soothes the manas (vaha kauMdha kI jis se aMtar kI zItalatA
ThanDhak pAtI ho); (18) teaches the value of dignity (maiM zAlInatA sikhAtI
hUM); (19) softly reminds one of the impending stumble (Thokar jo lagane wAlI
hai usko dhIre se samajhAtI); (20) teaches the value of honor and chastity (gaurava
mahimA hUM sikhalati); and (21) protects the fickle and youthful beauty (caJcal
kizore sundaratA kI maiM karatI rahatI rakhawAlI). These definitions of lajjA are
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 125

consistent with the definitions discussed in the previous sections presented in the
bhagavadgItA and durgAsaptazatI, and are cultural expressions of how lajjA guides
one through appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.
lajjA is (22) about zRGgAra or adornment, and can be both external or internal
(pulkit kadaMva kI mAlA-sI pahanA detI ho antar meM—like a garland worn in the
manas), (23) an experience of being controlled by someone else (tum kaun! hRdaya
kI paravazatA?), (24) one that plucks away the flowers of independence blooming
in life (sArI svatantratA chIna rahI, svachanda suman jo khila rahe jIvan-vana se
ho bIna rahI!), (25) comparable to the redness of dusk (sadhyA kI lAlI meM
haMsatI, usakA hI Azraya letI-sI), (26) characterized by innocence, (27) a yearning
to do something (bholA suhAg iThalAtA ho aisA ho jisame hariyAlI), (28) the bearer
of the youth’s spontaneity (maiM usa capal kI dhAtrI hUM), (29) personification of
Venus26 (maiM rati kI pratikRti lajjA hUM), (30) helpless without her own arrows
(maiM deva-sRSTi kI rati-rAnI nija paJcabANa se vaMcit ho), (31) not content with
her past experience (avazISTa raha gaI anubhava meM apanI atIta asaphalatA-sI,
lIlA vilAs kI kheda-bharI avasAdamyI zrama-dalitA-sI), and (32) like an anklet in a
young woman’s feet, for the sound of the anklet forewarns that somebody is coming
(matawAlI sundaratA paga meM nUpur sI lipat manAtI hUM). These 12 attributes,
which includes the very first attribute presented in the beginning, are literary
expressions of lajjA, and are likely to be useful in the analysis of shame in liter-
atures across cultures.
lajjA also appears in other cantos of kAmAyanI, but its meaning gets quite
saturated in this canto, primarily because 47 verses are used to present the 32
attributes. These 32 usage not only converge on the basic meaning of lajjA as a
forewarning about non-performance of appropriate behavior and performance of
inappropriate behaviors, but also present many other physical and psychological
attributes of lajjA, thus providing a thick description of the construct. Looking at
other texts, for example, tulsi’s mAnas (or rAmAyana) did not add any new
meaning of the construct, and so it is not reported here.

5.7 lajjA in Daily Usage

There are some common expressions or proverbs that are used in hindi that capture
lajjA or zarm in daily conversations. The following are illustrative: (1) An adult
may tell a youngster who is constantly failing to do something that causes
embarrassment to the family—cullu bhar pAnI me dUba maro (drown yourself in
the water in your cupped hand, meaning the person should be ashamed of himself
or herself). This is identical to what kRSNa tells arjuna, “infamy is worse than death

26
rati the wife of kAmadeva, the God of love in Hinduism, symbolizes beauty, grace, fertility, and
other feminine qualities. rati is comparable to Venus, the Roman Goddess whose functions include
sexual love and desire, except that rati works in partnership with her husband, and not alone.
126 D.P.S. Bhawuk

for noble people” in verse 2.34 in the bhagavadgItA (see footnote 18). In Indian
culture embarrassment is avoided at any cost. This is related to the concept of face
and face-saving found in other collectivist cultures in China and Japan.
When one is thoroughly embarrassed for not doing something or doing some-
thing that should not have been done, the expression zarma se pAnI-pAnI ho
gayA/gayI is used. The target person is so embarrassed that he or she would like to
hide from everybody. This situation is less severe than the previous one, in which
one feels so embarrassed that it feels like ending the life may be the only way out.
Parents or superiors may use the idiom, “zarma nahiM AtI hai?” as a question
(Aren’t you ashamed?), which implies that the person should be ashamed of what
he or she did. If a child takes more than his share of food on many occasions, then
the parents may use this expression to chide him or her. If a worker is late for work
many times, or does not complete the assignment on many occasions, then he or she
may get it from the boss.
When adults are exasperated by their children’s repeated behavior that causes
some problem for them, they may scream, “are bezarma, kuch to zarma karo!”
(Oh! Shameless one. Have some shame!) When a child or teenager keeps doing
something that causes problem or embarrassment for the parents, then they may
say, “is nAlAlyak ne to hame kahiM mUha dikhAne ke lAyak nahiM rakkhA hai!”
(We are in no position to show our face to anybody because of him). Parents of
such a child are so embarrassed that they would avoid going to social events. If one
says something that is inappropriate in a group, then he or she keeps quiet for some
time to make up for the embarrassment, and the idiom jheMpa gayA/gayI (or full
sentence, vah/maiM jheMpa gayA/gayI) is used to describe the person’s situation.
Some idioms are reserved for romantic situations or less severe situations.
A newly married couple may feel shy about doing something for their spouse in
front of other people. And if they are seen by others doing something, then they
may feel shy, and others would say, “aur vo zarmA gayA/gayI,” (and she or he was
embarrassed). A person may not show his or her face to some people, and then the
idiom, “zarmA ke muMha chupA liyA,” (he or she hid his or her face out of shyness)
will be used. In a similar situation, one may simply cast his or her eyes down,
“zarmA ke AmkheM nichi kar lI,” (Feeling shy, he or she lowered his or her eyes).
Sometimes, when people are feeling shy, they scratch the floor with their toes
(paira ke uGgaliyoM se dharatI kuredane lagA/lagI).
Another word that is used to capture lajjA is lihAz, which means showing a
culturally inspired expression of respect and deference. It is usually shown by
younger people in deference to their elders. A son may not smoke in front of his
father; a wife may not talk to her husband in front of her in-laws in rural India; a
student may not point out the mistake of the teacher; and a service provider may not
point out the customer’s mistake; all out of respect for the person(s). These are
some of the examples of lihAz in daily interactions. Thus, all the ideas captured in
the bhagavadgItA, durgAsaptazatI, and kAmAyanI, and all the behaviors identified
in these texts, can still be found in use in daily behaviors and communication.
Therefore, the construct of lajjA is still a useful and relevant construct in India.
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 127

5.8 hayA

In urdU, lajjA is translated as zarma or hayA, whose antonyms are bezarma or

behayA, showing how the concept not only spans across languages but also reli-
gious beliefs of both Hindus and Muslims in South Asia. hayA is derived from
Arabic and it is identical in meaning to lajjA. al-hayyee is one of the many names of
allAh.27 This name is not mentioned in the qur’An, but the Prophet presents it in
one of his narrations—allAh is al-haleem or forbearing, al-hayyee or shy, and al-
sitteer or covering.28 allAh is perfect and in his perfection he is modest or shy. He is
kindness personified and does not expose his devotees’ wrong doing so that they do
not lose face. Instead he wants them to correct themselves through repentance; and
true repentance means not to repeat the action again. He generously forgives the
transgressions of the devotees.29 The Prophet said: “Indeed, allAh, is hayyee,
generous, when a man raises his hands to Him, He feels too shy to return them to
him empty and rejected (jami` at-tirmidhi 3556).” The implication is that as allAh is
generous in giving, so should we be. And if we are not, then hayA or lajjA should
correct our behavior gently.
There are many statements and instructions attributed to Prophet Mohammad in
hadiths that throw light on the meaning and practice of hayA. A handful of them are
presented in what follows to develop a sense of the construct. The Messenger of
allAh said:

27
sAhih al-bukhari is the hadith compiled by imAm muhammad al-bukhari (870 CE). It is con-
sidered an authentic collection of reports of the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad. It contains
about 7500 hadiths in 97 books. Many of the hadiths are repeated across the collection. The
translation provided by Dr. M. Muhsin Khan is used in this section. It is available online at: http://
sunnah.com/bukhari.
28
When the Messenger of allAh saw a man performing ghusl (or bath) in an open place, so he
ascended the Minbar and praised and glorified allAh, then he said: “allAh, the Mighty and
Sublime, is al-haleem or forbearing, al-hayyee or modest and al-sitteer or concealing, and He loves
modesty and concealment. When any one of you performs ghusl, let him conceal himself.” [sunAn
an-nasa'i 406].
29
The Prophet said, “allAh will cover up on the Day of Resurrection the defects (faults) of the one
who covers up the faults of the others in this world”. [Book 1, hadith 240]. The Prophet said, “He
who removes from a believer one of his difficulties of this world, allAh will remove one of his
troubles on the Day of Resurrection; and he who finds relief for a hard-pressed person, allAh will
make things easy for him on the Day of Resurrection; he who covers up (the faults and sins) of
others, allAh will cover up (his faults and sins) in this world and in the hereafter. allAh supports
His slave as long as the slave is supportive of his brother; and he who treads the path in search of
knowledge, allAh makes that path easy, leading to jannah for him; the people who assemble in one
of the houses of allAh, reciting the Book of allAh, learning it and teaching, there descends upon
them the tranquillity, and mercy covers them, the angels flock around them, and allAh mentions
them in the presence of those near Him; and he who lags behind in doing good deeds, his noble
lineage will not make him go ahead.” [Book 1, hadith 245].
128 D.P.S. Bhawuk

• “Worship allAh alone and do not associate a thing with Him; and give up all that
your ancestors said. Perform salAt (prayers), speak the truth, observe hayA, and
strengthen the ties of kinship.” [Book 1, hadith 56]
• “You have two characteristics that allAh likes: Forbearance and hayA.” [Vol. 5,
Book 37, hadith 4188]
• “Whenever there is hayA in a thing, it adorns it. Whenever there is outrage in a
thing, it debases it. al-fuhsh (obscenity) is not present in anything but it mars it,
and al-hayA is not present in anything but it beautifies it.” [al-adab al-mufrad
601]
• “al-hayA does not bring anything except good.” [Book 2, hadith 2]
• “Every religion has its distinct characteristic, and the distinct characteristic of
Islam is hayA.” [Vol. 5, Book 37, hadith 4181]
• “al-hayA’ and al-’iy are two branches of faith, and al-badha and al-bayan are
two branches of hypocrisy.” [jami` at-tirmidhi 2027]
• “When a meal is served, a man should not stand up until it is removed, and he
should not take his hand away, even if he is full, until the people have finished.
And let him continue eating. For a man may make his companion shy, causing
him to withhold his hand, and perhaps he has a need for the food.” [Vol. 4, Book
29, hadith 3295]
• “O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it
helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his private parts from
committing illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry,
should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” [sahih al-bukhari 5066]
• “hayA and trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep
asking allAh for them.” (baihaqi).
• “One of the sayings of the early Prophets which the people have got is: If you
don’t feel ashamed do whatever you like.” (See hadith No 690, 691, Vol 4)
[sahih al-bukhari 6120; Book 78, Chap. 78]
hayA can be classified into three types—spiritual (pertains to our relationship
with allAh), social (pertains to our relationship with other human beings), and
reflexive or personal (pertains to self-observations). We should be shy of everything
that would displease allAh, which includes not following instructions given in the
qur’An30 and doing what is proscribed in the qur’An.31 hayA keeps one away from

30
“Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will
make for greater purity for them: and allAh is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the
believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not
display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should
draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty…….” (qur’an nUr, 30–31).
31
‘abdullah bin mas’Ud narrated that the Messenger of allAh (s.a.w) said: “Have haya’ for allAh as
is His due.” We said: “O Prophet of allAh! We have hayA, and all praise is due to allAh.” He said:
“Not that, but having the hayA for allAh which He is due is to protect the head and what it contains
and to protect the insides and what it includes, and to remember death and the trial, and whoever
intends the Hereafter, he leaves the adornments of the world. So whoever does that, then he has
indeed fulfilled hayA, meaning the hayA which allAh is due.” [Vol. 4, Book 11, hadith 2458].
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 129

sins. hayA is faith.32 This idea is similar to following the zAstras that was discussed
above.
Social hayA guides us to act appropriately toward our parents, teachers, and
other relatives. The reflexive hayA makes us sensitive to every action we do, and we
are constantly aware if our behavior is appropriate, both toward what allAh expects
of us and what our social roles demand of us. Every lapse is noticed by the self even
as they appear as a thought and is avoided. This is considered the highest level of
imAn or character. Again, this is similar to the idea of lajjA discussed above.

5.9 Discussion

The two texts, bhagavadgItA and durgA saptazatI, converge on many ideas about
lajjA. In both the texts, lajjA is presented as a reflective self-evaluation process that
guides people in following the path shown by the zAstras or scriptures. lajjA is a
virtue that is naturally present in noble people, and, therefore, it is something that
can and should be cultivated. It is presented in the constellation of virtues that are
considered sAttvik vrittis or positive propensities in both the texts, and is an
important virtue. Practicing one of the virtues can lead to the acquisition of all, and
lajjA appears to be the most basic virtue, since it can be used to test oneself if one is
making progress in cultivating other virtues. Thus, lajjA is a positive, rather than a
negative, psychological construct. It is to be cultivated rather than avoided, for it
guides our behavior towards nobility.
lajjA is automatically called into cognition restricting the enactment of conducts
that are considered inappropriate by scriptures. In other words, lajjA is the inner
guide shaped by scripture and cultural norm of appropriateness that leads one to
avoid inappropriate activities. In each phase of life, there are some activities that are
to be performed and others that are to be avoided, and lajjA is the internal governor
that guides one not only in not doing what is inappropriate, but also in doing what is
appropriate. Therefore, should one be inclined to neglect sacrifices, charities, aus-
terities, or actions, or feel lazy to perform them, then lajjA motivates one not to do
so, and one is prevented from neglecting one’s duties.
In other words, lajjA mediates between desire and action, and is the wisdom that
guides us to choose desires that are appropriate and reject those that are not. lajjA is
external in that people are socialized in family and society about what kind of
conduct calls for social censure or lajjA, thus providing external benchmarks for
what is appropriate and what is to be avoided. It is external when one is guided by
what others would say if one does not do what is expected of the person and if one
does what is not expected of him or her. It is internal when one does not feel good

32
The Prophet said: “Faith has seventy odd branches and modesty (al-hayA) is a branch of faith.”
[sunan an-nasa’i 5004, 5006] The Prophet passed by a man who was admonishing his brother
regarding hayA and was saying, “You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you.” On that,
allAh’s Messenger said, “Leave him, for hayA is (a part) of Faith.” [sahih al-bukhari 6118].
130 D.P.S. Bhawuk

about not doing an appropriate behavior and feels bad about doing an inappropriate
behavior. Thus, lajjA works both as an internal and external preventive mechanism,
mediating desire and action.
lajjA also has behavioral markers richly described in literature and captured in
kAmAyanI presented above. These markers were not available in the bhagavadgItA
and durgA saptazatI. So, it is a unique contribution of kAmAyanI and its author
jayazaGkar prasAd, showing the value of multi-method research. lajjA is associated
with hesitation of the actor in speaking, touching, or looking directly at the target
person. It is also associated with the actor casting one’s head and eyes down. It
causes redness in cheeks and ears of the actor. It is associated with the actor
avoiding others and occupying little or no space, meaning one either tends to bow
down or runs away from the target person to avoid facing him or her. These
behavioral markers can be used as consequents of lajjA, and by presenting
behavioral settings to a sample of people, the contextual antecedents of lajjA can be
empirically determined. From kAmAyanI and common cultural knowledge, we
know that lajjA is experienced between the couple when they are newly acquainted
or married. This could be further examined across cultures, providing a foundation
for meaningful cross-cultural research on lajjA.
From the practitioners’ perspective, these behavioral markers can be used as
signals to recognize that one is experiencing lajjA, and then one can act either to go
along with it or to counter it. Therefore, these markers can be used in counseling
people, say for people whose social interactions suffer because of excessive lajjA.
There can be other applications of lajjA. For example, a nurturant-task leader (Sinha
1980) can arouse lajjA in a follower who is not giving his or her best performance,
and since lajjA is an internal compass or governing mechanism, the follower will be
able to guide himself or herself in the future by keeping an eye on his or her own
performance. A nurturant-task leader is likely to be able to employ lajjA effectively
because of the high moral ground he or she earns for himself or herself by investing
in the subordinates’ wellbeing, both in the work and the social settings. lajjA can
also be used as a tool for behavioral correction and developing ethical behavior in
the workplace. Since lajjA is associated with zAstra or scriptures, the code of ethical
behaviors used by professional associations and organizations could be used as the
“new scriptures” for professional and organizational behavior, and lajjA can be
aroused in people if the codes are not being used. Thus, lajjA can become a tool or
mechanism for shaping ethical behaviors in organizations. In view of these
observations, it is clear that lajjA can have many applications in social and orga-
nizational contexts, and these opportunities for novel applications of lajjA can
provide a rich bed for innovative future research.
lajjA, as the tendency to be self-disciplined and act dutifully, is similar to
conscientiousness, one of the big-five personality factors (McCrae and John 1992).
Various scenarios could be developed to find out if people consider conscien-
tiousness or lajjA as the guiding emotion to act appropriately in these situations.
A comparison of these constructs could enrich the cross-cultural literature on
personality. Since lajjA is like our conscience keeper or similar to the superego in
Freud’s framework (Freud and Bonaparte 1954), it would also be interesting to
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 131

compare these two constructs, both qualitatively and quantitatively. These new
lines of research can enrich our understanding of lajjA and the related constructs
found in other cultures.
The development of the indigenous construct of lajjA demonstrates that it is
possible to develop a construct grounded in culture by using a systematic procedure
as adopted in this paper. This paper, thus, contributes to the literature in two ways;
first by presenting a methodology that can be used to develop indigenous con-
structs; and second, by demonstrating that it is possible, and there is a need, to
develop indigenous constructs. It provides a foundation and deeper cultural
explanation to the work of other researchers (Menon and Shweder 1994) who have
found that shame is associated with a heightened awareness and is viewed as a
healthy emotion and an antidote to rage (or many other negative emotions).
Using a multi-method approach has resulted in a rich thick-description of the
concept, showing that lajjA is both internal and external and synthesizes guilt and
shame, which have been viewed as distinct and non-overlapping constructs in the
western literature (Lewis 1971; Tracy and Robins 2006). Further, lajjA is found to
be viewed as a virtue that guides human behavior, rather than a negative construct
as found in the western literature. The belief that there are guilt-cultures and
shame-cultures needs to be revisited, if not buried, in view of the indigenous ideas
emerging from this paper. It is clear that “guilt and shame cultures” are western
social construction that may not be useful for the large populace of South Asia, the
middle-east, and many other cultural regions of the world.
Though shame and guilt are closely associated in western psychology, lajjA and
doSa are not associated in Indian worldview as seen in all the sections of the paper
above. lajjA is the attribute of devI and hayA is the attribute of allAh, and, therefore,
they are similar in that they are attributes of the divine. As devI is lajja personified,
and excepted from doSa or guilt, lajjA and doSa, shame and guilt respectively, are
different constructs in the Indian worldview. doSa refers to “fault, vice, deficiency,
want, inconvenience, or disadvantage.” It also means “badness, wickedness, sin-
fulness, offense, transgression, guilt, crime, damage, harm, bad consequence,
detrimental effect, accusation, affection, morbid element, or disease.” Guilt is one of
the words used to translate doSa. doSa appears prominently in Ayurveda, and the
three doSas are: pitta, vAyu or vAta, and zleSman or kapha, which refer to bilious
humor or heat, windy humor, and phlegm or moistness respectively. The antonyms
of doSa are niraparAdh, anaparAdhin, apApa, niSpApa, akRtadoSa, nirdoSa,
anagha, zuddha, pApa-doSa-hIna (or not guilty, not sinful, or pure). Chambers’s
Etymological Dictionary of the English Language (Findlater 1900) defined guilt as
“punishable conduct, the state of having broken a law, crime, a payment or fine for
an offense, to pay, and to atone. Guiltless means “free from crime or innocent.”
There is no overlap between the meanings of lajjA and doSa, unlike shame and guilt
in western psychology.
It is clear that in the Western culture a much narrower meaning is attached to
shame and feeling shame is seen as serious demolishment of oneself. As discussed
in this paper, lajjA, zarm or hayA are not seen as negative. lajjA covers a much
larger conceptual space for emotions, comparable to what Keltner and Haidt have
132 D.P.S. Bhawuk

found in their program of research (Keltner and Haidt 1999), rather than the
research stream on shame or guilt (Lewis 1971; Tracy and Robins 2006).
This paper highlights the need for more indigenous research on the construct of
shame before we can start making cross-cultural comparison utilizing a framework
like the one proposed by Shweder (2003). He argued that emotions are often a
mixture of feelings, desires, beliefs, and values, and to analyze complex emotional
constructs cross-culturally they should be studied using multiple approaches
including a “symbolic,” “cognitive appraisal,” or “meaning-centered” perspective.
He presented a framework that included seven factors including (i) situational
determinants or antecedents of the emotion, (ii) self-appraisal features that have
consequences for target persons’ personal identity, agency, social standing, and
self-regard, (iii) somatic phenomenology or physical responses to emotional stimuli
(see the list of behavioral markers of lajjA presented above), (iv) affective phe-
nomenology or existential feelings, (v) positive or negative social appraisal,
(vi) self-management and (vii) communication, both verbal and nonverbal. He
argued that such a model is necessary to compare emotions across cultures in some
depth. This paper provides the necessary first step, developing a construct in the
indigenous space, without which all cross-cultural comparisons are likely to suc-
cumb to a pseudo-etic approach (Triandis 1994a), and constructs for the most part
become the artifact of a western construct captured by the translation of an
instrument in many languages (for example, see personality research summarized
by Cheung et al. 2011).
To appreciate how lajjA permeates the Indian worldview, it is important to
examine an oft-chanted verse from the mahAbhArata. This verse appears toward the
end of the viSNu sahasranAma (thousand names of viSNu, the protector God), and,
therefore, is chanted by thousands of people from every day to weekly to fortnightly
to monthly to a few times a year. The verse is as follows: sarvAgamAnAmAcAraH
prathamaM parikalpate, AcAraprabhavo dharmo dharmasya prabhuracyutaH
(conduct or behavior, as opposed to intellectualizing, is considered the essence of
all the Agamas, which is defined nyAya zabdakoSa as vedazAstramantrAdi, or
vedas, zAstras, and mantras; conduct is derived from dharma or dharma is the
source of behavior; and acyuta, one who is firm or unmoving, or does not vacillate
from righteousness, which is one of the 1000 names of viSNu, is the lord of
dharma). The verse connects conduct, zAstra, dharma, and viSNu in a causal link:
dharma is derived from viSNu, dharma is coded in zAstras, and dharma drives
conduct. In this causal link, lajjA operates between conduct and dharma. Thus,
lajjA is implicit in this verse as the link between AcAra (conduct) and dharma.
In the Indian mythology, lajjA is the wife of dharma, the God of righteousness
(see footnote 24). A wife is a sahacArinI or one who always travels together with
her husband. So, wherever we find dharma or duty, we will find lajjA. In other
words, dharma and lajjA have high positive correlation. As was discussed in the
paper above, whenever a person considers not following dharma, lajjA appears to
dissuade the person from doing so. And whenever a person considers following
adharma, lajjA appears to persuade the person not to do so. Since lajjA is tender,
gentle, and a fleeting emotion or saJcari bhAva, it is much like the weak tie
5 lajjA in Indian Psychology 133

(Granovetter 1973) between dharma and action (or adharma and inaction). The
strength of the character of a person lies in following this weak tie between will and
action. When it is ignored, i.e., lajjA is ignored—in the words of Prophet
Mohammad, “If you don’t feel ashamed do whatever you like”—we proceed
toward Asuri or evil activities and the creation of an unethical society. The theo-
retical contribution of this construct lies in that lajjA provides a deep and funda-
mental meaning to Granovetter’s idea of “the strength of weak ties,” which is not a
peripheral contribution of indigenous Indian psychology to the western literature.
Keeping the instruction of Prophet Mohammad in mind, “hayA and trustworthiness
will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking allAh for them,” the
contribution of this construct to the world of practice lies in that there is a pressing
need to cultivate lajjA, and all other virtues will follow as a gift of this weak tie
between desire and action.

Acknowledgements I would like to thank AcArya Satya Chaitanya, Professors Jai B. P. Sinha,
Anand Paranjpe, Arindam Chakrabarty, Shamsul Khan, Dr. Mrigaya Sinha, Dr. Vijayan P
Munusamy, Dr. Om P Sharma, Anand C. Narayanan, and Eric Rhodes, for their insightful
comments that helped improve the paper. An earlier draft of the paper was presented at the
International Congress of International Association for Cross-Cultural Psychology, Nagoya, Japan,
July 31–August 3, 2016.

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Chapter 6
“Dream on—There is no Salvation!”:
Transforming Shame in the South African
Workplace Through Personal
and Organisational Strategies

Claude-Hélène Mayer and Louise Tonelli

When there is no enemy within,

the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
(African proverb)

Abstract Shame is a concept widely researched in psychology and it has been

contextualised across racial groups, cultures, nationalities and gender. In the
sub-Saharan African context, shame has been studied particularly with regard to
HIV/AIDS and cultural traditions. However, it seems that most of the studies
conducted do not focus on, firstly, the work context or, secondly, shame as a
possible health resource, but rather as a construct that is related to negatively
perceived concepts, such as guilt, embarrassment or stigma. In the sub-Saharan
African context, there is a dearth of studies providing an overview of the research
studies conducted on shame in sub-Saharan African contexts. The chapter provides
an overview on research of shame in sub-Saharan African contexts. It further on
explores shame experiences in South African workplaces and presents personal and
organisational strategies to transform shame constructively. The research method-
ology used was based on an interpretative hermeneutical paradigm and applied
qualitative research methods, such as semi-structured interviews with individuals
from various higher education institutions (HEI) and observations at one HEI in
particular. The chapter presents new insights and findings on which experiences in
the workplaces lead to shame and how employees manage these experiences to

C.-H. Mayer (&)

Institut für therapeutische Kommunikation und Sprachgebrauch, European University
Viadrina, Frankfurt, Germany
e-mail: [email protected]
C.-H. Mayer
Department of Management, Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa
L. Tonelli
Department of Industrial and Organisational Psychology, University of South Africa
(UNISA), AJH vd Walt Building Room 3-108, Pretoria, South Africa
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 135

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_6
136 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

overcome negative impacts of shame on individual and organisational levels.

Recommendations for future theory and practice are provided.

6.1 Introduction

Shame is a concept that has gained popularity during the past decades and the
question of shame and culture has been addressed across psychological
sub-disciplines (Markus and Kitayama 1995).
Shame has been researched internationally across higher educational contexts
(Wertenbruch and Röttger-Rössler 2011; Qian et al. 2001), cultures, societies and
nationalities (Walker 2012), gender (Miller 2002) and personality disorders (Luoma
et al. 2008). However, it has been pointed out that culture is often overlooked in research
on shame, although “shame is systemic” (Boring 1992, p. 175) and that methodologies
in the study of shame, as well as the contexts researched, are often Westernized cultures
and thus more research in other contexts is needed (Fessler 2004).
Shame has been described as an emotion that is destructive, negative and
immobilising (Tangney and Dearing 2002) and has been distinguished from con-
cepts such as guilt (Wong and Tsai 2007), embarrassment and pride (Tangney and
Fischer 1995). Poulson II (2000) notes that there are three key elements of shame:
1. A violation of some role or standard
2. Failure to meet expectations
3. A defect that cannot be easily repaired.
These three key elements differentiate between “normal shame” which is the
everyday embarrassments and humiliation we feel for ourselves and others, that is,
the first two key elements as discussed, and a “pathological” shame which is an
irrational sense of not having crossed to the wrong side of a boundary but having
been born there, the last element.
However, shame has also been researched from the perspective of positive
psychology (Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi 2000) and resilience (Tangney and
Dearing 2002). Feelings of shame appear to last long after the episodes that gave
rise to these feelings (Lewis 2004). For shame to exist it appears as though an
individual must have developed self-awareness and have other cognitive capacities
such as evaluative individual standards and goals which would lead to
self-conscious evaluative emotions that include shame (Poulson II 2000). While
shame seems to develop through a process of social learning, shame is clearly tied
to interpersonal relationships and attachment bonds. Damaging these bonds can be
a catalyst of shame (Poulson II 2000).
The focus of shame is mostly from culture-specific perspectives (Westermann
2004) and across cultures (Casmir and Schnegg 2002). According to Poulson II
(2000), the differences in shame amongst cultures are particularly distinct when
comparing Western and Eastern cultures and may also be seen between individu-
alistic and collectivist cultures.
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 137

Poulson II (2000) notes that studies of shame and gender, in particular in the
Bedouin of the Negev, seem to associate shame with the feminine and honour with
the masculine.
According to Poulson II (2000), in Western culture it would seem that women
are more likely to use shame as a means of organising information about the self
with individualized responses. It would seem that women experience greater
depression as a result of shame while men tend to experience greater rage.
Poulson II (2000) postulates that this can be traced back to feelings of power-
lessness in childhood the base of all shame. Childhood the root of shame where we
are born powerless, Poulson II (2000), appears to grow as life proceeds and have a
minimal impact until triggered. However, shame has received little focus in
sub-Saharan societies, and even less in Southern African workplaces or HEIs.
This chapter focuses on shame in the workplace in South Africa, particularly in
the higher education context, the topics of shame identified in the literature on
South Africa and shame in the South African workplace, before presenting the
research methodology and the findings. In the end, a conclusion will be given and
recommendations for theory and practice provided.

6.2 Shame in South African Historical

and Contemporary Contexts

Recently, there have been several incidents that are judged to be shameful in the
South African societal context, including fraud (Llewellyn 2000), the killing of
endangered wild animals (Della-Ragione 2013), the maltreatment of domestic
animals (Mail and Guardian 2013), the president’s criminal and political offences
(Van Susteren 2015), and bullying and victimisation in schools (Ahmed et al.
2001). In addition, violence, war experiences and trauma are linked to shame in the
South African context (Baines 2008; Munusamy 2015a, b).
According to Munusamy (2015a), South Africa is a “place of shame, violence and
disconnect” and South Africans are known for their violence which the author defines
as shameful, particularly with regard to the recurring outbreaks and spread of xeno-
phobic violence in the country. In another article, Munusamy (2015b) highlights
another incident of shame as that of the “Marikana massacre” in which thirty-four
miners were killed during strikes in the mining sector. This massacre by South African
security forces was the bloodiest since the end of apartheid. However, the concept of
shame refers not only to recent violence, xenophobia and killings, but also to the
history of the country. Baines (2008, 221) emphasises that former South African
Defence Force conscripts have “attempted to deal with guilt and shame by telling their
stories”. Obviously, shame is for them connected to the war, the brutality, the vic-
timisation and the traumatic experiences within the Defence Force, however hardly
any narrator admits the “complicity of upholding the apartheid system.” (Baines
2008, 222) and many of them would like to get rid of the “shame of being regarded as
138 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

vanquished soldiers who lost the war and so ended on the wrong side of history”
(Baines 2008, 226).
Bailey (2011) also refers to shame in South Africa in the context of the recent
history of the country. She connects the concept of shame with race by referring to
the shame of white South Africans with regard to apartheid. So called “white
shame” is connected to concepts of solidarity, penitence and vulnerability and,
according to the author, an appropriate moral response to the historical context.
Tessman (2001) emphasises that there are only two ways for white South Africans:
either to live with the shame (and suffer) or to ignore the shame of the past and
move on. Dealing with the shame of the past would then lead to hybrid new white
identities that are not based on the racial order, but on heterogeneous identities.
Other research has established that shame is also to be found in the construction of
“coloured identities” (“coloureds” are historically defined as a mixed race in South
Africa) and the treatment of Khoi/coloured women (Wicomb 1998). Wicomb (1998,
91) provides the example of the shameful treatment of Saartje Baartman, a Khoi
woman who was exhibited in London and Paris from 1810 to 1815, and on whose
body medical research was conducted to establish the “sexual lasciviousness” of
black women. Other research (Julius 2004) has found that in a comparison of indi-
viduals from the white, black and coloured groups, coloured identity did not have a
significant relationship to shame and, therefore, the following has been assumed: This
means that if a case has been made for the apartheid-institutionalised shamed coloured
individual, that a current non-significant relationship with shame suggests that his
group has been re-negotiating a non-shaming self-standpoint that is in contrast with
the intended standpoint of the ‘other’ who creates the shaming experience.
Ahmed et al. (2001, 13) highlight the fact that Nelson Mandela, who was shamed
by being declared a terrorist and by being detained for almost 27 years of his life,
managed to transform his shame through his individual actions. The authors highlight
(Ahmed et al. 2001, 14–15) that Mandela managed to transform the experienced
shame by opening up through, for example, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission
and by telling his story and hence to reintegrate into society.
Besides historical-political issues of shame and race, shame has been associated
with ill health and depression (Lauer 2006; Brown et al. 2010). Jilek-Aall (1999,
382) emphasises that, for example, epilepsy in traditional African cultures (such as
is apparent in Tanzanian society) provokes “ambivalent feelings in those witnessing
it” and creates “an atmosphere of fear, shame and mysticism”, having mainly been
interpreted as caused by ancestral or evil spirits. However, epilepsy not only creates
shame in the witnesses but also in the family and the epileptic person him/herself,
particularly when treatment does not help (Jilek-Aall 1999). The author maintains
that health education about epilepsy should help to dispel feelings of shame, guilt,
fear and anxiety in the individuals and families affected.
HIV/AIDS is one topic that is strongly connected to shame in African contexts (Lauer
2006). By measuring AIDS-related stigma in South Africa, Kalichman et al. (2005, 137)
were able to point out that AIDS is connected with “shamefulness of the behaviour of
people with AIDS” and that AIDS stigma is generally related to shamefulness.
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 139

Besides AIDS, rape and domestic violence have been described as being asso-
ciated with shame, guilt and fear of blame (WHO 1999). In the South African
context, Jewkes and Abrahams (2002) have found that a high number of cases of
rape, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation and sexual coercion are not reported
publicly, which might be related to these feelings of shame, guilt and fear of blame,
as well as other highly complex socio-economic circumstances.
Murray (2014) researched the representations of shame, gender and female
bodies in selected contemporary South African short stories and emphasises that
shame is often connected to the female body. In her analysis she points out that
female protagonists are the objects of shame when it comes to, for example,
breastfeeding that does not work out as it is supposed to be, or child birth and
generally, according to Mitchell (2012, 1), when it comes to “shame’s displacement
on female body”. Murray (2014,12) comes to the conclusion that South African
short stories reduce women’s femininity to the context of the patriarchal society by
reducing women’s bodies and femininity as such “to be shameful”.
Other topics that relate to feelings of shame and guilt in combination with gender
and, particularly, femininity and female bodies, are, for example, topics such as the
termination of pregnancies in the South African context (Subramaney et al. 2015)

6.3 Shame in South African Workplaces

According to Poulson II (2000), when expectations are not clearly communicated to

employees, or the psychological contract changes or is violated, when goals are set for
employees rather than with them, then the stage is set for shame to be triggered in
employees.
Potential triggers of shame responses brought about by organisational practices
and policies arise from termination, failure to gain promotion, negative performance
appraisals and the like (Poulson II 2000). Informal organisational practices may
also have a great impact, as well as behaviour such as bullying, discrimination,
harassment and exclusion.
Managerial practices that feed into a manager’s power and an employee’s
powerlessness, such as warnings and reprimands, can lead to an individual’s
accumulated shame according to Poulson II (2000). Even when programmes are
intended to empower employees in the workplace, they are expected to give up key
aspects of their power at the door.
With regard to work contexts, Scandinavian research has pointed out that
shaming experiences often derive from unemployment (Rantakeisu et al. 1997).
Accordingly, long-term unemployed individuals experience more shameful situa-
tions than short-term unemployed individuals and the experience of shame con-
tributes to the health-related consequences of unemployment. The authors found
that particularly unemployed individuals who live in a more shaming environments
show more mental disorders than others (Rantakeisu et al. 1997).
140 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

In the South African workplace, little research has been conducted on shame and
work contexts. However, a study by Sefalafala and Webster (2013) has shown that
shame in the workplace can be connected to low status occupations, for example
when security guards hold a university degree and are forced to work for a low
income in the dangerous and low status security industry.

6.4 The South African Work Context of Higher Education

HE has undergone many changes since the end of apartheid in 1994 (Louw and
Mayer 2008), particularly with regard to internationalisation strategies, as well as
transformation in terms of cultural, racial and gender policies.
A number of authors (e.g. Bitzer and Botha 2011) have shown that historically
shame was used structurally in HEIs to dehumanise individuals of African descent
in terms of their cultures and languages. In the present day, research is required on
transformation, which needs to be addressed by interviewing students about their
experience of the organisational culture.
South African universities have been publicly labelled “universities of shame”
owing to the racial incidents that have occurred at universities across the country,
highlighting the fact that “pervasive racism”, such as that which happened at the
University of the Free State where students forced black cleaners to “run and drink
urine”, still exists (University World News 2009).
Another issue that has been identified as shameful in the context of HEIs is the
topic of plagiarism (Mail and Guardian 2015). Recently, the Minister for Higher
Education and Training, Blade Nzimande, has highlighted that plagiarism is one of
the worst possible assaults on HEIs and needs to be shamed as academic fraud
(Mail and Guardian 2015).
Besides the specific topics of shame in HEIs, other issues that are experienced as
shameful in the broader society are addressed in the context of HEIs: the Department
of Higher Education and Training (2012), for example, released a policy and a
strategy framework on HIV and AIDS for higher education to strengthening the
comprehensive and effective response of HEIs towards the pandemic and free the
HEI sector from the stigma and discrimination related to HIV and AIDS.

6.5 Contribution, Aim, Purpose and Research Questions

This chapter contributes to an in-depth understanding of the experience and man-

agement of shame within the HE South African work context. It contributes by
helping to fill the void in the scant literature on shame within Southern African
work contexts.
The purpose of this study was to focus on the concepts of shame in a selected
work setting and to understand shame within a situational and cultural context from
an emic, in-depth perspective.
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 141

The aim is to gain a deeper understanding of shame as an intensive emotional

concept in the workplace. The study aims to explore the culture-specific interlinkages
of shame experiences and their management in the South African work context to
contribute further to the international discourse on culture, emotions and shame.
The research questions leading to the fulfilment of the aims are the following:
1. How do individuals define shame?
2. What situations are experienced as shameful in the described context?
3. What are the personal strategies of individuals for dealing with shame?
4. What are the strategies for dealing with shame on organisational levels?

6.5.1 Research Methodology

This qualitative research study on shame in the South African HE work context
adopted an exploratory and descriptive approach. It is located within a social
constructivist (Berger and Luckmann 2009) perspective, incorporating the funda-
mental assumptions of creating of meaning by integrating the participants’ expe-
riences and reflections on shame and the theoretical preconceptions and
hermeneutic lenses (Dilthey 2011) of the researcher.

6.5.1.1 The Sample

Eleven individuals in total participated in this research study. The only sample
criterion was that participants should be working in HEIs in South Africa at the time
of the interview. All the participants occupied middle and senior leadership posi-
tions in HE either in academic or administrative positions.
The participants were purposefully sampled as being information-rich regarding
the research objective. The sample comprised a diverse group of men and women
from four race groups, as defined in the Employment Equity Act (1998), and
included four white, two coloured, two Indian and three African participants.

6.5.1.2 Data Collection

Data were gathered through semi-structured interviews and the observations of the
researchers at one HEI. The interviews were either conducted face to face or in
written form. In the former case, the researchers asked the participants four ques-
tions. The interviews were recorded and transcribed verbatim. In the latter case, the
questions regarding biographical data and the four interview questions were sent to
the participants via email in order to elicit a written response. Seven of the inter-
views were face-to-face interviews, while the responses to the other four interviews
being received in written form. With two participants who decided to write down
their interview responses, one follow-up session each was held to talk about their
responses and explore them on a deeper level.
142 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

The researchers used an abductive reasoning approach (Kelle 2005), which

diverted from the classical and traditional inductive reasoning perspective (Glaser
and Strauss 1967) and theoretical agnosticism (Henwood and Pidgeon 2003). The
interview questions were developed based on the concept of shame being explored
and on an extensive literature review on shame.
The interviews contained questions on the biographical data, such as age, mother
tongue and position in the organisation, as well as five questions one shame, such as
“What does shame mean for you? Please define”, “Please narrate a shameful sit-
uation that you have experienced in the work context”, or “What are your personal
strategies for dealing with shame?” and “How are situations that you experience as
shameful in the workplace dealt with on an organisational level? Please explain
what you observe and how the organisation could ideally deal with shame in the
workplace.” These questions were extended and probed as the dialogue between the
researchers and the researched naturally evolved.

6.5.1.3 Data Analysis

The researchers used a constructivist grounded theory (GT) approach to analyse the
data (Bryant and Charmaz 2007). In this approach, social constructionist episte-
mological assumptions are applied while incorporating classical GT methods as a
flexible guide rather than a rigid set of methodological rules (Charmaz 2011).
Both researchers analysed the first interview, commencing with line-by-line
deconstruction and labelling of text, creating numerous codes. Through constant
comparison between data and context, codes were integrated and delimited into
meaningful categories and explained by writing of memos. Interviews were added
as the analysis progressed and the GT strategies of coding and memoing continued
to guide the development of meaning categories across interviews.
Constant comparison between interviews led to data saturation after a number of
interviews were analysed and no new categories of analysis emerged. Through
intersubjective validation processes between the researchers and subsequent com-
parison of categories, text and research constructs, the primary themes were arrived
at.
The researchers focused on seeking categories and themes reflected in the topic
of shame in the workplace. The intersubjective validation allowed an in-depth
reflection and analysis of shame in the workplace.

6.5.1.4 Research Ethics

Consent to participate was given by all interviewees. Participants were assured of

anonymity and confidentiality and could withdraw participation at any point in
time. Rigorous analysis was attained through the iterative GT strategy of constant
comparison (Charmaz 2011) and the intersubjective validation of the initial analysis
(Yin 2009).
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 143

6.6 Research Findings

With regard to the presentation of the findings, it is important to note that many more
individuals were invited to participate in the interviews on shame in the workplace
through sampling procedures; however, several of the invited participants declined,
stating, among other things, “I do not have experience of shame in the workplace”, “I
cannot think of any shameful experiences”, “That is a difficult topic”.
These reactions show that the topic of shame is not an “easy” topic to deal with;
it might even be connected to feelings of anxiety, insecurity or irritation.
With regard to the interviews that were conducted, participants stated that they
were excited about participating, but were “not sure of what to expect”, that they
were a bit anxious, and that shame was not an easy topic to talk about. However,
during the course of the interviews and whilst exploring the topic of shame, par-
ticipants seemed to become aware of various situations that they had experienced as
shameful in the workplace.
It is important to note that some participants did not classify themselves
according to the generic race group classification system as noted in Table 6.1, but

Table 6.1 Demographic information

No. Sex Age Mother Cultural Nationality Position in Highest
tongue background organisation level of
education
1 Male 48 Afrikaans Christian South Lecturer Masters
African
2 Female 46 Afrikaans White South Professor Ph.D.
Afrikaans African
3 Male 57 Afrikaans Afrikaans South Professor and DPhil.
African HOD
4 Male 42 Arubakati Congolese Congolese Lecturer Ph.D.
5 Male 52 Tswane African South Lecturer Master
African
6 Male 61 Afrikaans Dutch South Professor Ph.D.
Reformed African
Church
7 Male 61 Afrikaans Dutch South Professor Ph.D.
Reformed African
Church
8 Female 54 English Indian South Director Ph.D.
African
9 Female 43 N Sotho Sepedi South Professor and Ph.D.
African HOD
10 Female 40 English Indian South Administrative Matric
African coordinator
11 Female N/A English South South Professor Ph.D.
African African
144 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

rather viewed their cultural backgrounds from a religious, language or South

African perspective.
Finally, the feedback after the interviews was such that participants said they had
enjoyed talking about these “private issues”, that they could even use the interviews
to clarify these issues, that it was the first time they had ever talked about it with
someone and that they had increased their future self-awareness with regard to
shameful situations and experiences.

6.6.1 Defining Shame

In the participants’ personal definitions of shame seven themes were prominent

(Table 6.2):

Table 6.2 Definition of shame

Category of definition Number of codes/number Codes
of statements in codes
Exposed 5/11 Caught out (3)
Vulnerable (3)
People talk about (3)
Disempowered (1)
Unsafe space (1)
Personal 4/8 Self-criticism(4)
Reputation (2)
Personal reaction (1)
Perception (1)
Repressed 7/8 Can haunt you (2)
Deepest part of forgotten history
Like to forget
Buried in the past
Not reminded
Buried in the past
Error in judgement 4/6 Done something wrong (3)
Allowed something to happen
Did not behave appropriately
derail
Understanding 5/5 Cannot connect
Difficult to define
Do not have a definition
No description of shame
Not sure what shame is
Not good enough 5/5 Not man enough
Not enough publications
Not enough time
Not the right journal
Too white
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 145

During the initial stages of the interview some participants were not sure of their
understanding of shame and/or could not connect to shame and found it difficult to
define. As the interview progressed, the participants talked through the situations
they had encountered at work, how they had dealt with them and how organisations
could assist employees. In the end they were able to describe what shame meant to
them. In essence, shame was defined as a feeling of being exposed, personal,
repressed, an error in judgement and not being good enough.
The intrinsic feelings of shame related to errors in judgement either by feeling
they had personally done something wrong or allowed something to happen.
Self-criticism and the wish not to be reminded of experiences that were perceived as
shameful were often recounted, as is evident in the following statement by par-
ticipant 1: “I felt deeply ashamed of myself you know at that time I still do I was
actually thinking perhaps I must have a conversation with him and ask him whether
he still remembers that day.”
Extrinsically, shame is defined as being exposed whether to colleagues, family
or the broader community. A number of participants defined it as displaying their
vulnerabilities, like participant 6: “Being caught out, found out, exposed, and being
vulnerable in unsafe spaces – whether for who I am, for who I am not, for what I did
or didn’t do.”

6.6.2 Shameful Situations at Work

The participants shared a wide range of shameful situations at work both outside the
higher education environment and within. These were in the following contexts
• higher education
• military
• corporate
• religious organisation
• school
• university
• statutory body.
Predominantly, the participants relate competence to shameful experiences in the
workplace. These experiences refer to inner self-doubt, founded or not, and others
questioning their competence. As participant 8 notes:
I was unexpectedly asked to join a Senate meeting by the Vice Chancellor and I had to
literally run out of my office and go to Senate with no idea what I was going to be asked.
As I entered the room I physically experienced a crushing feeling as a room full of
predominantly white men turned around to see me enter the room. I struggled to find one
familiar friendly woman or black person other than the vice chancellor. For those few
moments I felt dis-empowered. My critical inner voice tries to sabotage me during my
address and unbeknown to my audience I had to manage two conversations, i.e. with my
inner critic and with members of Senate.
146 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

Participant 11 felt she was adding value to the conversation and confident of her
own competence; however, her competence was being tested, creating a shameful
experience for her in the workplace: “I thought I was making a logical interaction
with her, a useful comment, she just looks at me. It was a total disregard of me, and
she was looking at me. My experience was in an angry fashion. The fact that she
just looked at me, with all my colleagues seeing this, was what was shameful about
this. The fact that she was senior was also shameful.”
There is also an element of feeling exposed as the participant notes her senior
colleague just looking at her. In another incident, participant 9 experienced shame
in that colleagues wanted her to provide details of a case she was working on
I did not know that I would ever encounter something like that. It was just a first case, a first
job. I could not even sleep, because I was thinking about it. That such an older and mature
person could make such a stupid decision, you know. At the same time I am embarrassed
with the fact that the gossips within the office, and some other people, would like to know,
from me, whether she admitted things. I was kind of under pressure to say she admitted or
whatever because they wanted to know the gory details of what is happening and why.

In other situations participants experience shame when they do not support

another colleague.
Participant 1 remarked:
Our colleague was attacked by this group and, we were so shocked, we weren’t ready for
this, we weren’t prepared for this. All of us just kept quiet and there were times when he
actually looked at us. He looked back at the audience, at the participants. We did not
intervene, we did not say anything. At the end of the session, he again looked at us, and I
felt so the deeply, deeply, disappointed, in myself, that I did not stand up, and protect my
colleague so to speak. At least help him, because, I could see that he did not know how to
deal with a situation.

Exclusion of the individual seems to play an important role, either by informing

the individual to physically remove themselves “to go home” or to resign, omitting
to invite them to be part of a group or to ignore input from a team member in a
meeting.
It is interesting to note that an individual who has felt shame may also use
exclusion as a coping strategy for shame in avoiding the situation or individual that
has shamed them. Participant 3 recalls “I went out of my way not to have too much
contact with her but to let her know that I was not like that in terms of what I did
and what I was.”

6.6.3 Personal Strategies to Manage Shame at Work

The findings reveal that the participants had various personal strategies for dealing
with shame in the workplace. Table 6.3 provides an overview.
Altogether five categories could be found within the theme of personal strategies
for dealing with shame. These range from inner strategies (attitude), to
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 147

Table 6.3 Shameful work situations

Category of Number of codes/number of Codes
definition statements in codes
Competence 15/15 Critical inner voice (3)
Feel stupid (2)
Did I make a mistake (2)
Hasty comment(2)
Shameful data (2)
Check the data (2)
Made a suggestion
Thought to be logical(1)
Useful comment(1)
Exposed 9/9 Looking at me (5)
Sitting in a meeting (1)
Tell the community (1)
Tell the organisation (1)
(asking for information) (1)
Not being 7/7 No support (5)
supportive Colleague looked at us(1)
We kept quiet(1)
Exclusion 6/6 Disregarded me (1)
Go home (1)
Resign (1)
Not included in annual
celebratory dinner (1)
Stay in tent (1)
Avoided her (1)

communication strategies, physical expression strategies and the context to the

impact of future actions (Table 6.4).
With regard to inner strategies, it is important in the context of shame to
self-reflect, to be positive, to analyse and understand and make sense of the shame
experienced. It is important to rationalise constructively, not to let the emotions take
over and worry, to sort yourself out and digest the experiences.
Participant 3, a 57-year-old Afrikaans-speaking male professional, stated: “I
rationalise constructively by convincing myself that I had a right to act in a certain
way. If I cannot do that, I apologise to the person(s) and feel better afterwards.”
In terms of the communication strategy, it needs to be emphasised that taking a
third person into mediate and apologising to the person who is shamed are the most
important strategies, followed by a statement that others should not be confronted
about shameful issues. Further on, discussions are appreciated, action should be
taken, discussion with other people about the topic should be held, and people
involved should talk in a “good way” to each other. Besides the talking strategies,
one participant highlighted the fact that he had to write a report about the experi-
enced shameful situation (participant 1): “I was told to write a report” and “I was to
go for a walk”.
148 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

Table 6.4 Personal strategies to manage shame at work

Category of strategy Number of Codes
codes/number
of statements in codes
Inner strategies (attitude) 13/15 Self-reflection (2)
Be positive (2)
Make sense of shame (1)
Analyses (1)
Consider implications (1)
Rationalise constructively (1)
Read books (1)
Sort yourself (1)
Do not worry (1)
Digest (1)
Swallow it (1)
Denial quietly (1)
Blame yourself (1)
Communication strategies 8/13 Take a third person it (3)
Apologise (3)
Do not confront the person (2)
Discuss with others (1)
Take action (1)
Talk to person (1)
Speak in a good way (1)
Write report (1)
Physical (expression) strategies 4/5 Cry (2)
Sing and hum (1)
Walk (1)
Breath (1)
Context-bound 3/5 Change context (2)
Adjust to context (2)
Withdraw from context (1)
Impact on future actions 2/2 Next time, count to ten! (1)
Learn from mistakes (1)

Only in four codes is the need for the physical expression of the strategy to deal
with shame reported: in crying, singing, walking/jogging and breathing whilst
counting up to ten. Another personal strategy is based in the context of the situation:
change the context where the shame happens and is experienced, adjust to the
context and withdraw from the context (Table 6.5).
Finally, one participant shared that another strategy for dealing with shame is to
make plans for the behaviour in shameful situations and to learn from the mistakes
made.
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 149

Table 6.5 Organisational impact on managing shame

Category of Number of Codes
Organisational codes/number
context of statements in
codes
Leadership 7/9 Should use shame to motivate and change
behaviour (2)
Decision-making is with the superior (2)
Create opportunities to speak (1)
Support from superiors (1)
Get advice from leader (1)
Wrong doers must be confronted (1)
Sympathise with “victim” (1)
Personal strategies 5/8 Be self-aware and humble (2)
Avoid embarrassing situations by complying
with norms (2)
Fix it yourself and take account for actions (2)
Perform according to standard (2)
Wand off negative thoughts/feelings (critical
inner voice) (1)
Strategies of 4/7 Disciplinary processes (3)
organisation Employees assistance programmes (2)
Counselling in organisations (1)
Should take a stand (1)
Neglecting of 3/3 Does not deal with shame (1)
organisation “Dream on”—no salvation! (1)
Does not support to resolve (1)
Colleagues 1/2 Support each other (2)

6.6.4 Organisational Impacts on Managing Shame

Having been asked for their view on the strategies of organisations for dealing with
shame, the participants referred to five categories: personal strategies for dealing
with shame, the negligence of the organisation in dealing with shame, strategies of
the organisation for dealing with shame, leadership, and colleagues.
In most of the statements regarding the organisational strategies for dealing with
shame, participants highlighted the fact that leadership is important in the context of
shame in organisations: in the opinion of the participants, on the one hand leaders
should use shame to motivate and change individuals’ behaviour at work and to
confront “wrong doers” (participant 3). On the other hand, leaders should create
opportunities to talk about shame, support employees in dealing with it, sympathise
with the victim, help to make decisions when dealing with shame and support
employees emotionally.
Besides the leadership strategies applied in the context of shame, participants felt
that they needed to use personal strategies to deal with shame in organisations.
They felt that they needed to be self-aware and humble when dealing with shame
150 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

and avoid shameful situations by recognising and complying with the norms of the
organisations and context. They felt they are self-reliant in dealing with shame in
the workplace using their own competences and taking account for their actions. In
the workplace, shame is particularly linked to performance, and performing up to
the expected standard helped the participants to deal with shame and avoid
shameful situations. Finally, another personal strategy within organisations is to
“ward off negative feelings” and calming down the “inner critical voice”.
Participant 7, a 61-year-old Afrikaans-speaking professional stated: “Part of my
survival strategy throughout my career was to minimise possible embarrassing
situations or situations that might lead to me being ashamed.”
Participants felt that organisations should have strategies in place to help
employees deal with shame, such as disciplinary processes (particularly when
shame is connected to bullying), employee assistance programmes and individual
counselling. Finally, participants requested that organisations should take a clear
stand in their approach to dealing with shame in the workplace. However, three
participants maintained that organisations neglect to deal with shame, that they do
not have proper procedures in place and do not deal with shame, even though they
should.
Participant 6 emphasised: “Dream on! In this anxiety producing machine we call
higher education, there is no “salvation”—and one has to muster courage to live
self-aware and humble.”
Finally, one participant shared that colleagues’ support can help in dealing with
shame successfully and resourcefully and that colleagues are needed to provide
support to deal with shame within organisations. However, in terms of the overall
picture painted by the data, most of the participants do not take colleagues as a
resource for dealing with shame into account. They see it is a personal and a
leadership topic.

6.7 Discussion

In terms of discussing the findings in the context of the literature review, there is
evidence to show that shame is systemic (Mason 1992, p. 175). However, in the
South African workplace shame is often described as destructive, negative and
immobilising (Tangney and Dearing 2002; Wong and Tsai 2007). Embarrassment
and guilt are often emotions closely related to experiences of shame and not as
clearly demarcated from each other, as Tangney and Fischer (1995) and Wong and
Tsai (2007) suggest.
In this study there is evidence of the normal shame Poulson II (2000) alludes to
in the workplace where shame is often related to embarrassment, and “systemic
shame”, to experiences outside of the work environment, which, in turn, is often
associated with both culture-specific perspectives and across cultures (Westerman
2004).
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 151

In this South African sample the distinction between western and eastern cul-
tures and individualistic and collectivist cultures was not as distinct as Poulson II
(2000) suggests. This could suggest that Julius’s (2004) comparisons of individuals
from white, black, Indian and coloured groups may currently be in the process of
being renegotiated. To a non-shaming self-standpoint across all cultural groups in
South Africa for a more inclusive society away from the stigma of South Africa as a
“place of shame, violence and disconnect”. There is still much work to be done,
where the South African workplace could play a role in “normalizing” South
African shame tendencies.
White shame in particular appears to be transforming. It is interesting to observe
that only one of the white participants referred to her cultural background as “white
Afrikaans” while the other participants referred to their cultural background in
terms of language and/or religious affiliation. It is possible that these participants are
experiencing the white shame Bailey (2011) mentions with regard to apartheid
where the participants experience shame on this level by not identifying with colour
and thereby ignoring the shame of the past and moving on—a coping strategy not
unlike the voluntary exclusion one participant used as a coping structure for her
shame.
In contrast and to confirm Julius’s (2004) research, one coloured participant
made it clear that she would not bend the knee to shame and could not identify with
the feeling especially in the work context where she was of the opinion people are
there to work and need to leave these issues behind.
In this South African context, the social learning on how to deal with shameful
experiences by talking them through, such as the former South African Defence
Force conscripts did (Baines 2008), thereby vanquishing these feelings and the
Truth and Reconciliation Commission set up in the past to reintegrate society
(Ahmed et al. 2001), seem to be reflected in the current South African workplace.
Here individuals use communication strategies to deal with shame and guilt from a
positive psychology perspective to cope and build resilience towards shameful
experiences in the workplace.
From an organisational perspective and, more particularly, in the context of
higher education, the findings of this study are inconclusive. The participants of this
study refer to individuals coping with shame in the workplace with little emphasis
on how higher education contributes, especially in light of the view that historically
higher education was used to dehumanise individuals of African cultures and
languages from students’ perspectives. In terms of employees, within the system
reference is made in the literature to pervasive racism (University World News
2009).
Some participants noted that leadership should use shame to motivate and
change behaviour. If shame were seen as a positive factor in motivating the
workforce we could also ask ourselves whether this would produce the desired
outcome in the South Africa context, where some people will not bend to shame
and do not acknowledge that it exists in the workplace.
152 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

6.8 Conclusions

The purpose of the study was to focus on concepts and experiences of shame in the
higher education work setting in South Africa and to understand shame and
strategies for dealing with shame on both the personal and organisational level in a
situational and cultural context from an emic, in-depth perspective.
The aim was to gain a deeper understanding of shame as an intense emotional
concept in the workplace and to respond to the four research questions.
In conclusion the following can be highlighted:
It may be concluded that participants define shame in the work context as a
deeply personal feeling of not being good enough, where possible errors in
judgement on their part may leave them feeling exposed to shameful experiences.
These, even if repressed, may resurface with negative connotations or as a catharsis
evident in the participants’ positive expressions of the interview as a vehicle for
future self-awareness with regard to shameful situations and experiences.
An attack on an individual’s/employee’s competence both intrinsically and
extrinsically, whether founded or not, is of particular importance to the participants
of this study and appears to be the predominant trigger for a shameful situation at
work.
Not supporting a colleague or not feeling the support of colleagues in a situation
that is experienced as shameful also triggers shame within the individual.
While competence and support appear to be the triggers of shame, exclusion
seems to be the result of a shameful experience, in essence removing the “culprit”
from the situation, thereby enforcing shameful experiences in the workplace. On the
other hand, individuals may also voluntarily remove themselves from the situation
as a coping strategy.
Other personal strategies to deal with shame include particularly inner strategies
of the individual which are not necessarily shared with others or the context.
Following inner strategies, communication strategies, which refer particularly to
third party intervention and apology, are used. The physical expression in dealing
with shame seems to be less important; however, the change of context through
withdrawing, adjustment or change of context are considered Anticipation of the
future can also have an impact on the strategies being applied at the present
moment.
In conclusion, with regard to the organisation and according to the participants,
leadership is very important when dealing with shame in organisations in combi-
nation with personal strategies for dealing with it. Participants felt that the organ-
isation should have procedures in place to deal with shame, but were also aware that
organisations often do not deal with shame and prefer to neglect the topic. One
participant stated that they would like to experience colleagues’ support in dealing
with shame. Leaders and the self-responsibility of the individual seem to be the
main players in the context of shame. Interestingly, participants expected leaders to,
on the one hand, use shame to uphold morals, ethics and principles in the
6 “Dream on—There is no Salvation!”: Transforming Shame in the ... 153

organisation, while on the other hand, expecting leaders to support employees to

deal appropriately with shame by providing advice and emotional support.

6.9 Theoretical and Practical Recommendations

The topic of shame in the workplace is important for employees working in South
African workplaces. It is a topic that is not easily approached as it is linked to
feelings of anxiety and insecurity.
On a theoretical level, more research is needed within the organisational context
in South Africa with regard to the definition and experiences of shame and shameful
experiences. Research needs to address the impact of cultural heterogeneity and
shame in the workplace, as well as the differentiation of concepts of shame, guilt
and embarrassment in various cultural and organisational contexts within South
Africa.
On a practical level, employees and organisations need to increase the awareness
of shame in the workplace as well as its impact on employees and organisations.
Context- and culture-specific training and programmes should be developed to
create awareness and develop strategies for employees (personal) and organisations
(programmes) to deal effectively with shame in the workplaces. Such training
should approach shame as a resource of personal and organisational development
and needs a transcultural and South African-specific approach to dealing with
shame by including various cultural perspectives on shame in the South African
organisational context. Organisations need to develop their leaders to tackle the
topic of shame and acknowledge its existence in the work context to develop an
organisational culture that deals with shame on a competent, open, resourceful and
awareness creating level.

Acknowledgements We thank the participants for contributing insightful information to this

research project.

Appendix: Interview Protocol

The interview was audio recorded with the participants’ written consent. The
process started with questions concerning biographical detail:
Sex:
Age:
Mother tongue:
154 C.-H. Mayer and L. Tonelli

Cultural background:
Nationality:
Position in Organisation:
Highest level of education:
Questions were asked in the following order from all of the participants
1. What is shame for you? Please define.
2. Please narrate a shameful situation that you have experienced in the work
context.
3. With regard to shame and culture: Please explain how your culture influences
the experience of and the dealing with shame.
4. What are your personal strategies to deal with shame? (What do you say, do,
think, and feel?)
5. How situations that are experienced as shameful are dealt with on an organi-
zational level?
The participants were asked if they wanted to add anything after which the
interview was concluded and audio taping stopped.

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Wicomb, Z. (1998). Shame and identity: The case of the coloured in South Africa. In D. Attridge
(Ed.), Writing South Africa: Literature, apartheid and democracy (pp. 1970–1995).
Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
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dations for research on domestic violence against women. Geneva: World Health
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Wong, Y., & Tsai, J. L. (2007). Cultural models of shame and guilt. In J. Tracy, R. Robins, &
J. Tangney (Eds.), Handbook of self-conscious emotions (pp. 201–223). New York, NY:
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Yin, R. K. (2009). Case study research: Design and methods. London: Sage Publications.
Chapter 7
Canada/North America: Shame Between
Indigenous Nature-Connectedness,
Colonialism and Cultural Disconnection

Barbara Buch

EHRFURCHT DEN ALTEN

[…]
Jugend schafft Wertes nur im Warten!
Jugend ist keimbereiter Garten!
Nur bei den Alten reifen die Früchte!
Der Jugend verderben sie lüsterne Süchte!
Jugend kann niemals sich selbst gestalten,
Findet sie Former nicht bei den Alten!
Jegliches Volk wird sich selbst zum Vernichter,
bleiben die Alten nicht seine Richter.
(Bô Yin Râ 1979, 105)

Abstract In this theoretical essay, it is examined, what role shame played in parts
of past to present-day North American/Canadian society. A simplified
shame-pride-continuum-model, related to Antonovsky’s health model, is used to
reveal basic aspects of shame. Examples of shame in indigenous cultures as well as
in European-colonialist-culture, with capitalism and churchly Christian belief sys-
tem as major influences and consequences of the clashing of these cultures,
including genocidal residential schools, are delineated. Furthermore, the occurrence
of shame with possible causes within present-day North American society is
exemplarily brought up. The implication of shame and its counterpart, pride, can
reach from a social and cultural regulative, means of education, to a powerful
political tool. It can be used as a health (survival) resource, but also misused for
greedy interests: bringing people and cultures up or down. Shame is ambivalent in
regards to potential positive or negative effects. Based on salutogenic considera-
tions, including the developing of resources depending on reconnecting and outside

B. Buch (&)
Centre for Salutogenesis, Burns Lake, BC, Canada
e-mail: [email protected]
URL: http://salutogenesis-shamanism.com

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 157

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_7
158 B. Buch

intervention, shame as major stress factor has the potential to be overcome, leading
to empowerment and possibly more health. However, the return to meaningful,
supporting communities (e.g. in families) under the guidance of parents or elders,
based on health-supporting, non-oppressing culture, values and structure is ele-
mentary to counteract present-day undermining influences growing from materi-
alistic media and image-based destructive shame and pride.

7.1 Introduction

The main focus here is on Canada, although influences, colonialist history and
oppression of aboriginals underwent a very similar history in the United States.
Today in Canada, the obvious consequences from the past, are overwhelmingly
present: Addictions, substance abuse, criminality, emotional, physical and sexual
abuse, suicide and other health problems, are significantly prevalent in aboriginal
Canadians, disparate to the rest of the population (Adelson 2005; Armstrong 2006;
Kahá:wi and Gill 2002). For example, as one of the many health consequences
present today, there is a high percentage of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) in
aboriginal children, with severe consequences on learning abilities and the need for
continuous efforts in regards to pedagogy and FAS prevention (Salmon 2005).
Besides of other genocide methods of the Canadian government (formed in
1867) (Waldram et al. 2006), the church-run residential schools for aboriginal
children, established and running between the 1870s and 1996 (Canadian
Encyclopedia 2008), are mainly made responsible for the present-day challenges of
aboriginals (Armstrong 2006), as described above.
Apart from all kinds of abuse, in order “to kill the Indian in the child” (Canadian
Encyclopedia 2008), one of the main practices applied in these institutions was
shame (e.g. Armstrong 2006; McKegney 2013). Shame is known to be a number
one source for addiction (Bradshaw 2005). Although this part of shame comes from
the past, we still have to deal with its consequences and present-day (intergener-
ational) shame resulting from it (Armstrong 2006; McKegney 2013).
However, before the racial shame happened through oppressing white colo-
nialists, how did shame occur in precolonialist indigenous traditions and what
functions did it have? And which role does shame play today in modern
media-dominated-North American society? Can shame in these contexts be healed
or does it even have the potential of being a health resource?
This article hopefully contributes to the ‘unraveling of the mystery of [shame]’
(health) (Antonovsky 1987).
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 159

7.2 General Considerations of Shame

We need to look at the wide range of the meaning and implications of shame. It
reaches from an inner emotion or affect with many levels and related terms (from
shyness, humiliation, embarrassment, discomfort, rejection, failure, insecurity and
behavior-related guilt etc.), consciously or unconsciously triggered in or by the
presence of others, to the psychological tool of “shaming”, which can be used in a
(health-)supportive way, or misused in a (health-)destructive way: from a cultural
regulative for ethical, survival-based behaviors within and outside a group (tribe,
community, family), over lynch law, oppression (e.g. women), bullying and
cyber-bullying, even to an instrument for genocide, based on envy and greed for
wealth, resources and power.

7.2.1 The Shame Continuum

To bring light and somehow simplify the diverse, multileveled, complex and hard
to grasp phenomenon of shame I will present the concept of shame as a continuum,
analogous to Antonovsky’s health-disease continuum.
Shame can be considered as an intense form of stress, which involves the whole
integrity of a person and is preceding the shaping of identity according to Munt
(2007). Thus it forms the sense of self and identity mainly during childhood
(Bradshaw 2005), where it is imprinted into the brain and thus in the behavior
patterns and perceptions of reality. Therefore the susceptibility of a person to shame
depends on personal traits based on upbringing and self-esteem (e.g. Bradshaw
2005), the cultural (or non-cultural) context of its occurrence, as well as the
intention of the naming and shaming entity (person, group, institution).
Shame can be considered as both, a stressor as described in Antonovsky’s
Salutogenic Model (Antonovsky 1985), and a coping mechanism. Showing shame
is a mechanism for reintegration into the group: “Wherever you see shame […],
someone is hoping for reconnection.” (Nathanson 2008, 3).
Referring to the dichotomous concept “toxic and healthy shame” by Bradshaw
(2005), in this essay, shame is represented as a continuum between “destructive”
and “constructive” (consequences of) shame for one’s health, analogous to
Antonovsky’s continuum model of health and disease. Healthy shame according to
Bradshaw (2005, 160) “[…] is the permission to be human. To be human is
essentially limited.” (Fig. 7.1).
The Shame Continuum
Destructive Shame Constructive Shame
Analogous Consequences
DISEASE HEALTH

Fig. 7.1 Author’s own construction: The Shame Continuum

160 B. Buch

7.2.2 Two Sides of a Coin: Shame and Pride

The saying “pride comes before the fall” (e.g. Giffney 2007, X), the fall meaning
shame, expresses clearly the dualistic aspect of shame and its counterpart: Pride.
One cannot exist without the other. Pride, as the opposite of shame, is what we
strive for, in order to get our need for acceptance and love fulfilled.
Identity is formed by the reflection through others, especially during the for-
mative childhood years (Bradshaw 2005; Munt 2007). Pride and shame as emotions
of self-assessment (e.g. Taylor 1985) are triggered by others. Both are crucial for
this process and decide about self-worth etc. Also pride can be considered as being
a continuum: From “healthy pride”, which goes along with honor and dignity,
based on inner values and achievements, which are valued by others, to what I call
“toxic pride”, which matches the meaning of false pride, based on outside “shine”,
without the inner match.
This is a simplified graphic presentation to help describe certain phenomena,
basic elements of shame and pride (Fig. 7.2).

Fig. 7.2 Author’s own construction: The Shame-Pride-Model

7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 161

7.2.3 The Shame-Pride-Model

Both continua are represented on a circle, enclosing the identity, shaping and
redefining it and the sense of self (self-worth) of a person or a collective (e.g.
Zembylas 2008; Bradshaw 2005 etc.). The stages in between shame and pride are
moments, where neither one is felt within the inner perception.
The net around the person’s identity is symbolizing the embeddedness within a
system of connections, reflecting the salutogenic sense of coherence (Antonovsky
1985). For example a grown connectedness to people, family, community, group,
but also to ancestors, to divine forces (spirituality) etc. The net on the right side is
(perceived as) strong, while on the left side it is either not perceived or it is not
(strongly) established.
If shame (incidents) occurs more on the destructive (toxic) or constructive
(healthy) site depends on our upbringing, experiences (childhood), self-worth and
sensibility to shame, but also on the exposure by others, the main culture, people
and their intentions, as well as on coping abilities and available resources (compare
Antonovsky’s Salutogenesis 1985; Bradshaw 2005; Brown 2006). In the saluto-
genic sense, the degree of feeling shame certainly is influenced by our perception,
which is connected with our belief system, but can be influenced or lessened by our
learnable awareness and other salutogenic resources.
Healthy shame is connected with remorse and humbleness, and reminds us on
our imperfect humanness, only god would be immaculate (Bradshaw 2005). On the
other hand, with Bradshaw’s words:
[…] toxic shame is a soul murder. Because of it we become other-acted human doings,
without an inner life and without inner peace. (Bradshaw 2005, 165).

Healthy pride (honor, dignity) brings people up and fulfills the very essential
need for recognition, while shame brings people down.
The left and ride side of the model, since being continua, are not clearly divided.
The right side of the model (healthy pride/constructive shame) reflects an
embedding in a system of meaningful connection and reconnection (net) within
self, a group, family, smaller community etc. with certain moral values and
responsibilities, possibly within an ancestral system and based on traditional cul-
ture. The basis for a healthy capacity of shame within an individual is developed
during childhood by the relationship to trusted caregivers (Bradshaw 2005).
Here shaming is used by parents, elders, the community as a regulative for the
correction of “self- and group-damaging” behavior. Interventions by this
group-entity support the ashamed, to rise again from his hideaway, possibly even to
earn pride or honor and dignity through personal efforts and achievement (e.g.
Strickland 1997). In this sense, healthy pride is based on earned honor through
recognition by the group (based on its values) through personal achievement.
The left side of the model (toxic pride, destructive shame) lies within an area of
disconnectedness (Antonovsky 1985) presented by a missing or weak net, to the
self, to the group (community) etc. This is usually based on low or missing
162 B. Buch

self-esteem (e.g. often developed during childhood by missing trust to and abuse by
caregivers and other (sexual) abuse, by inappropriate shaming etc. (Bradshaw 2005)
and the lacking of according resources and coping mechanisms, like a reconnective
structure. There is no felt meaningful attainable coherent value- or belief-system,
morale or ethic, learned during childhood or adolescence. Toxic pride and
destructive shame are often based on only outside, superficial and materialistic
“values”. This reflects a missing stable societal structure and culture. Accordingly, a
possibility for reconnective intervention is or seems unavailable. Instead, there is
toxic isolation, hiding, and missing responsibility.
Preconditions for, but also consequences of toxic shame, are disconnectedness of
self, others, own traditions, ancestors, value/belief system, spirituality and sup-
porting group. Health effects can be depression, addictions, etc. (see Sect. 7.1) (e.g.
Bradshaw 2005).
Based on this model, some major examples of shame—past to present—are
presented in the following.

7.3 Examples for Sources of Shame in North America—

Past to Present

In order to consider some cultural, past and present aspects of shame within North
America and their potential as health resources, I will focus on shame and pride
examples within the indigenous people, as the original, culturally and thus envi-
ronmentally adapted societies in this area as well as on the still dominant European
Christian capitalist colonialist shame culture—past and present. Then present-day
common shaming occurrences with their possible causes and consequences are
described.

7.3.1 Traditional Aboriginal Laws of Living

In precolonial times, the indigenous inhabitants of Canada, which are called abo-
riginal people—the collective of Inuit, First Nations and Metis (Waldram et al.
2006)—had numerous tribes and bands with diverse cultures, languages and other
characteristics. However, there were also environmentally and culturally similar
cultures, “culture areas” (Waldram et al. 2006, 7). The interdependencies between
ecological conditions, resources, culture and language are obvious (Waldram et al.
2006). With the exception of some tribes (agriculturally and prairie-bison based
tribes), the social unit was usually comparatively small (50–100 people), with the
even smaller nuclear family group at its base, to fall back to in times of distress
(Waldram et al. 2006). Therefore survival could only be maintained, if every
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 163

individual would function well, with a high and varied level of skills (Waldram
et al. 2006).
However, the knowledge on precolonial aboriginal people is very gappy, since
much of their knowledge and history has been annihilated (Kroeber 1992; Waldram
et al. 2006). Despite of this attempt to shed a little light into some shame customs,
we need to be aware, that a single custom—“[…] reveals as little of its functioning
as an organ dissected out of the living body” (Kroeber 1992, 6), especially in
consideration of aboriginal connected worldviews and ways of living (Strickland
1997). Nevertheless, it helps us to get an impression.
In traditional indigenous kinship-societies, “[..] the people’s life ways and law
ways were part of an ongoing, integrated, holistic society”. “Life, law and religion
[..] were fused together so that they were indistinguishable.” (Strickland 1997,
1045). This means also shame and pride were intertwined with all aspects of life,
law and supernatural forces.
In precolonial functional tribal settings, it can be assumed that shame and pride
usually occurred within the healthier (right) side (of the model) as a regulative for
community living, its values, rules and proper behaviors, as shown and described in
the model above. This tool assured the contribution and responsibility of every
individual to community and family survival. Certainly a misuse in single cases by
individuals was always possible, but we can hypothesize, that all tribes had a
particular “system of social control”, meaning a “value-based jurisprudence that
guided tribal and personal behavior.” (Strickland 1997, 1045). In this regard the
elders were usually the decision makers or advisers, as well as judges (e.g. Deloria
2006; Strickland 1997):
[..] there was a system of truth-bearers, advisors, deciders and enforcers composed of men,
who earned respect through a lifetime of respectable, responsible example and behavior.
(Strickland 1997, 1060).

This included certain, more or less strict rules for every member of the group on
how to behave towards each other, but also towards the gods (Parsons 1992) the
living and non-living things (e.g. Strickland 1997; Deloria, 2006).
In this regard the proper communication with all beings was crucial for the
balance of life and health and needed to be re-established, if out of balance (Buch
2006). This happened usually with the help of an elder, medicine person etc. (Buch
2006; Deloria 2006). Since shame absolutely interrupts proper communication with
others, this lack also needed to be “fixed” through outside support and intervention.
The following examples of shame and pride are all described from different North
American tribes, however mostly through the eyes of European observers:
Boys and girls were expected to follow different behaviors and rules, which were
honored. However, doing boy-things for a girl and vice versa was considered
shameful (Parsons 1992). The same applied for men and women. “Woman’s work”
like garden work was considered shameful for a man, while it was for a woman “to
do an unwomanly thing” (Parsons 1992, 124). Especially children, but also adults,
needed to respect the elders, not doing so was shameful and is still today. It was
considered disrespectful and thus shameful for children to go near talking old
164 B. Buch

people (Parsons 1992). In nature-connected indigenous tribes, like the Nootka

tribes, nudity in children was usually considered normal (Parsons 1992) and thus
not shameful, which stood in contrast to colonialists Christian values, where it was
shamed. In many tribes, warriors were expected to fight with their life to protect the
tribe and its honor. They “prided themselves” to endure discomfort and suffering—
e.g. like travelling for days without food (Parsons 1992). Showing weakness was
considered dishonorable, which equals shameful. A chief was expected to act with
other tribes in certain honorful ways, otherwise he would bring shameful “dishonor
to his people” (Parsons 1992, 105). Menstruating (and sometimes pregnant) women
couldn’t join certain ceremonies and were not allowed to be near hunting equip-
ment, e.g. in The Nootka tribes (Parsons 1992). If this happened by accident—as in
a healing ceremony—it was considered shameful or an embarrassment. Here, the
shame served important preventional purposes: e.g. to keep germs restricted, and to
keep hunting equipment free of the scent of blood, which could scare game
(Parsons 1992). These rules and taboos had obviously preventive meanings and
ruled the according behaviors (Parsons 1992).
The undertaking of an important public potlatch, which is a “giving away feast”
and involves [..] “three parties: the giver, the guest or guests, and the person in
whose honor the potlatch is given” (Parsons 1992, 315; Buch 2015), implicated
many detailed rules within the Nootkas. If it was done right, high social prestige to
the organizer (giver) and his family (giving away of their wealth) as well as to the
person, in whose honor it was organised (puberty potlatch, birth potlatch etc.)
would follow. The social rank and thus honour and pride could be increased by this
event. In this sense in the Nootkas the birth of a girl was a special blessing (Parsons
1992, 317). However, if rules were not followed closely, shame would hit the
potlatch undertaker (Parsons 1992). The collective consciousness and wellbeing
was valued higher than individual well-being, as this highly valued potlatch cere-
mony practice confirms, because survival and health of each one depended on its
working (Waldram et al. 2006).
An example for shame regulating problems with outsiders (other tribes, leaders
etc.) was the shame pole. The shame pole was one special variety of the different
forms of totem poles, which were built within the tribes on the Northwest Coast
(Stewart 1993). Totem poles usually served for display and as symbol of family-
and tribe pride in the form of history, origins, achievements, status etc. The shame
pole however, was erected to contempt or ridicule someone publicly, as for example
a person (or group) who committed some unaccepted behavior or offense towards
chief or tribe. If compensation occurred, the pole was taken down (Stewart 1993).
A shame pole could possibly avoid wars and killing through public condemnation
of a person or group. Simultaneously, the intense work to do the carving and
erecting it, can be considered as a kind of anger-management.
From all of these examples, we can conclude that shaming in native cultures
probably was common practice and served as a tool to keep the social unit together,
protect it against outside threats and ensure the proper functioning of individuals
and thus survival in often difficult living conditions, e.g. in winter. The shame pole
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 165

was an effort to solve conflicts without war, thus ensuring survival of ones tribe as
well.
The survival of a tribal group in the natural environment strongly depended on
the acceptance and keeping of rules as part of the culture. E.g. Elders with their
life-experience, knowledge and wisdom needed to be respected to ensure future
thriving of the tribe. Thus to make someone feel ashamed in front of the whole
tribe, because she/he was disrespectful towards an elder was a strong tool to correct
his behavior. To make someone feel ashamed was a corrective tool, so this person
would never do this mistake again. However, this person then got the chance to rise
again, possibly through intervention by an elder or medicine person and through
redemption and accepted behavior. Thus shame functioned as important regulative
and health resource for the group and its members. A revival of these indigenous
traditional shaming practices and values, which led to increased strength, con-
nectedness, survival and thus health of tribe and thus each tribe-member, is e.g.
practiced since 1996 in Saskatchewan, Canada as “restorative justice system”
(Handel 2007). This approach was introduced, in order to better serve aboriginal
people with a traditional aboriginal law and justice system (Handel 2007, 1).
Shaming, redemption and then reintegration through responsibility and
problem-solving (instead of “stigmatization” and punishment) of wrongdoers and
criminals by family, community, peers and the victims, serve as essential elements
for behavioural correction (Handel 2007). In most cases, culturally inappropriate
behaviour is usually avoided after internal and external shame (Handel 2007).
The external source of shame comes from the disapproval of one’s family and peers,
leading to a loss of social status and affection; the internal source of shame comes from a
person’s conscience, and a sense of what is right and wrong. Social disapproval from one’s
own community is thought to be a more effective deterrent to repeated offending behaviour
than punishment meted out by state representatives. (Handel 2007, 1).

Thus crime is viewed

[…] as personal matter between individuals. This approach focuses on: problem-solving;
involving victims, offenders and community, as well as responding to their needs; forgiving
the offender; and reintegrating the offender back into the community. (Handel 2007, 1).

Here also shame serves as potential (health) resource for reintegration.

Munt (2007) confirms that shame is the ground for behavior-modification-based
on penitence, which is expected from criminals. However, without the confronta-
tion with harmed victims (empathy, responsibility) and the direct confrontation of
people, who matter, for the criminal, honest penitence is doubtful in an alienated
law system as part of a distant, former oppressive line of government. But in the
current normal North American (Law) system, if a “wrongdoer doesn’t display
appropriate levels of shame, more “righteous punishment” is publicly demanded
for” (Munt 2007, 4).
166 B. Buch

7.3.2 Confrontation with Colonialists and Genocide

of Canada’s Indigenous People

When first contacts between European colonialists and North American natives
happened, two completely different cultures clashed and many misunderstandings
did happen (Waldram et al. 2006). Traditional aboriginal values were different and
often opposite to capitalistic Christian colonialists norms, also in regards to shame.
The goal of gaining new resources, land (settlement) and exploitation and lack of
understanding led to European Christian colonialists degrade aboriginals as prim-
itives and savages. This racial shaming served as justification to eradicate the
traditional North American cultures and people (genocide) (Waldram et al. 2006;
Woolford et al. 2014). While (part-) nudity and many other customs in indigenous
societies can be seen as a cultural expression of their nature-connectedness, this
“shameful” behavior in the eyes of the mostly British Christian and often puritan
colonialists with their known prudery, demonstrated “primitiveness”.
In the patriarchal European Colonialist Christian culture, shame is closely
intertwined with the female aspect. Notable is first, that in the European language
family, the word shame is mostly female, as e.g. in German (die Scham/Schande),
French (la honte), Spanish (la vergüenza). Striking in this context is, that the
German noun “Scham” not only refers to the emotion of shame, but also
anatomically denotes especially the female genital area. Already in the bible story
of Adam and Eve, the first woman Eve is the shamed one after tasting the apple, and
both Adam and Eve are thrown out of the Garden of Eden (Painting of Masaccion:
The expulsion: Morrison 1996, 7). Likewise is blushing connected with shame
considered mostly a female characteristic, as already Darwin detailed:
[…]in the grip of shame are principally women, over-sensitive men, idiots, half-castes,
albinos, and a myriad of racial and ethnic examples [..].

In his descriptions occurs also nudity in connection with “shamed European

women”. Darwin based his statement mainly on information by missionaries (Munt
2007, 6). These examples reflect the patriarchal European Christian society struc-
tures, with a degraded female standing in absolute contrast to the mostly matriarchal
North American aboriginal societies, where women were usually highly respected
(e.g. McKegney 2013). As the Adam and Eve story as well as generally the bible
(old and new testament) shows, shame was one of the “guiding principles” in the
Christian belief system (Giffney 2007, X; Morrison 1996) presenting humans as
original sinners. The confessional box within the Catholic church practically
demonstrates the implications of shame in Christianity: The sinner is encouraged to
confess in this box, without the fear to be “seen” by the listening priest on the other
side. The delinquent can hide and thus might be able to admit his shameful sins.
Simultaneously, it accelerates a deep feeling of shame, because a Christian needs to
feel shame in order to show humbleness towards god. The confession box serves as
a tool, to be able, to be forced, to live and maintain shame. The confessional box
can be seen as a symbol for this main aspect of the Catholic Church. Munt describes
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 167

the “reinvigorating [of] a sense of shame and sinfulness before the Almighty” as
“deeply satisfying rites, sacraments even” for cleansing and renewal (2007, 4).
One further fundamental difference was, that aboriginal traditional
kinship-culture with its values, rituals and ceremonies was based on community
rather than the individual (Strickland 1997). The “give-away” or potlatch ceremony
symbolises this. The well-being of the group ensured survival in adaption of the
environment. In contrast, European capitalist colonialists showed exactly the
opposite, focusing on individual accumulation of wealth, which led to the ban of
these and other important indigenous social events (Waldram et al. 2006).
Aboriginal small social communal wealth and matriarchal kinship-systems, with
direct social control and influence of elders (shame as behavioral regulative in order
to ensure tribe survival) in the past stand versus deconstructive shame of a capitalist
Christian individualistic accumulation system with large hierarchical institutions,
and patriarchal power system (e.g. Strickland 1997).

7.3.3 Residential Schools

As part of the thoroughly organized genocide of aboriginal people and their culture,
through the colonialist new Canadian government (1867; Waldram et al. 2006),
many different methods were used (Armstrong 2006). In this context, we look
mainly at one: residential schools. These have been the main institutions, to “kill the
Indian in the child” as Canadian Prime Minister Harper officially admitted
(Canadian Encyclopedia 2008). After the (British and French colonialist) Canadian
government was formed in 1867, residential schools existed in Canada from 1870s
to 1996 (when the last one closed), under the leadership of churches (“mainly
Catholic, Anglican, Methodist, Presbyterian church”, Waldram et al. 2006, 15).
Racial shaming and other horrific practices used by the church, to save the souls
of the “wild”, “barbarian” people, indoctrinating the Christian belief system in order
to make the “savages” “civilized” (Waldram et al. 2006, 14) led to catastrophical
consequences still felt strongly within indigenous people to this day (Armstrong
2006; McKegney 2013; Waldram et al. 2006).
In order to assimilate them within the new Euro-Canadian culture and its
Christian belief system, aboriginal children were intentionally and forcefully
removed from their families, homes and thus from their traditional upbringing,
culture and from their natural landscape (Waldram et al. 2006). Residential schools
as government institutions under church leadership used shame as one fundamental
characteristic of Christian teachings (see above) not only as a cultural construct, but
as a political tool to wipe out an unwanted culture (Armstrong 2006; Leverenz
2012; McKegney 2013; Munt 2007). Different gruesome tools were used for this
indoctrination. Reports about torture, emotional, physical and sexual abuse and
children, who never returned home from residential schools, are all but too common
(e.g. Armstrong 2006; McKegney 2013; Waldram et al. 2006). The children were
made ashamed of any aspect of their own culture: severe punishments and torture
168 B. Buch

followed any expression of aboriginal culture (language, customs, high respect for
women etc.) (McKegney 2013). Racial shaming was one main tool to kill culture
and kinship in helpless children (McKegney 2013).
If we look at the frequent sexual abuse of indigenous children through priests
(McKegney 2013) etc., the common consequences were—beside many others—
that the victims felt shame again (McKegney 2013). The personal justification of
this shameless behavior through these shamers, sexual abusers and torturers in the
form of priests and nuns, contradicting their own teachings, was that the “savage”
children, esp. girls, have aroused inner drives, leading to the abuse, therefore they
should be made ashamed for this:
It was Father, who said it was woman’s fault. (McKegney 2013, 6).

In the sense of church leaders, who likely have been (toxically) shamed them-
selves in the past, I have to refer to Bradshaw (2005):
As shame-based people get entrenched in their cover-ups, they become more shameless.
They hide their mistakes with perfectionism, control, blame, criticism, contempt, etc.
(Bradshaw 2005, 160)

This can be presented as pride—toxic pride. The main victims of these hiding
efforts have been with certainty again the children in the residential schools.
Psychologically, children are the most vulnerable for these “methods”, so that
the application of this “deculturalization” tool on native children (Waldram et al.
2006, 15) was very effective. The original connective web (see Shame Pride Model
above) based on guidance by the elders was destroyed and instead isolation was
promoted in every possible way.
The presence of a trusting relationship to a caregiver during the formative years
in children is essential to develop self-worthiness (Bradshaw 2005) and one’s own
parental abilities. Therefore residential schools with their schizophrenic combina-
tion of Christian capitalist teachings with what the school “caregivers” practically
provided, namely the “tools”, contradicting any of those teachings (abusive,
shaming, torture etc.), left the (surviving) children not only without connection to
their own culture, families, land, but also with no sense of belonging to the
Christian/white people either (Waldram et al. 2006) (Left side of the model). The
result was and is “[..] serious damage to the lives and cultures of Aboriginal People”
with a “direct impact on the mental and physical health and wellbeing of Aboriginal
People today”. The so called “residential school syndrome” (Waldram et al. 2006,
15) left lost and shamed individuals, who were never able to develop a “healthy
sense of shame” (Bradshaw 2005, 12). As children they never got positive attention
or trust and internalized their experienced shame feelings (Bradshaw 2005;
McKegney 2013).
Children of residential schools have been robbed of their secure attachments, of
their kinship relations, not feeling loved, not able to connect to anyone, with a
distorted sense of self (no sense of self-worth), often leading to an internalised
abusive parental role later in life, based on mistrust, disrespect, violence, control
and abuse (Bradshaw 2005; McKegney 2013).
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 169

Here is an explanation for some consequences within aboriginal people still

present today (see Sect. 7.1):
Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live
in a guarded, secretive and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and
controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive
behavior (Bradshaw 2005, 18).

The systematic “Colonial Genocide in Indigenous North America” (Woolford

et al. 2014) went on for more than 120 years, until only 20 years ago! All the
inhumane enforced (shaming and others) actions done to native people (Woolford
et al. 2014), should lead to international present-day-shame of the Canadian (and
US) government and the involved Christian churches. But instead, western colo-
nialism stories are about glorified first settlers and the white history in America is
full of pride only: a chapter of shame not shown, nor talked about (internationally),
despite of the official apology in 2008 (Canadian Encyclopedia 2008) or the Indian
Residential Schools Truth and Reconciliation Commission (IRS TRC, McKegney
2013) or e.g. the Aboriginal Healing Foundation (AHF) to support indigenous
recovery (Waldram et al. 2006). Simultaneously the felt shame of being “Indian” in
the past is still far too common.

7.4 Shame and Pride as Political Tools

Shame and pride can be used as extremely efficient psychological and as such
political tools (e.g. Tarnopolsky 2004 cited in Zembylas 2008). This can happen in
a positive and constructive way, as in the described traditionally evolved com-
munities or in a destructive and toxic way, consciously by design as political or
personal tool, as for example in residential schools. So there are “two sides of the
coin”.
Shame and pride as political tools play a large role in a broad context to this day.
For example, in the ten Christian commandments to kill someone is considered a
sin, as such shameful. However, in any mainly Christian society/government, it
suddenly becomes a source of pride, when done by a soldier within a war: instead
of shame and guilt, now there is pride and soldiers are heroes. Shame and pride are
effective tools for oppression and encouragement in any direction:
[..] pride is promoted as a salutary emotion that serves as a legitimate force of nation
building. (Tarnopolsky 2004, cited in Zembylas 2008, 264).

A regular celebration of war heroes on Remembrance Day in Canada shall

reinforce this pride, to ensure that future generations become soldiers. If a partic-
ipation in war is always necessary as defense for survival, is questionable. That
means that these tools can even override a principal (Christian) value system
(permission of the absence of shame), if applied effectively. Munt confirms this:
170 B. Buch

Shame has political potential as it can provoke a separation between the social convention
demarcated within hegemonic ideals, enabling a re-inscription of social intelligibility.
(Munt 2007, 4).

When the powerful feelings of shame and pride are misused for hegemonic or
oppressing efforts, out of traditional cultural contexts, and shame is not a cultural
regulative anymore, it can be used to bring a person or a whole nation down in the
long run. It can go as far as (suicide) genocide.
Countless examples of governments and churches worldwide committing crimes
on humanity in the name of shame and pride exist in past and present. The German
holocaust is one of them, which was doubtless more than a horrific crime to
humanity. Racial shame of Jewish people stood versus the pride of being “Aryan”.
The result is still—after the 12 year Hitler period, which ended more than 70 years
ago—a guilty and shameful identity of Germans and Germany (e.g. Heimannsberg
and Schmidt 1993), as a nation within the global community, whose history reaches
back far beyond the short Hitler-era. Nevertheless, this shame involves the entirety
of history, roots, traditions, and celebrations including the ancient Germanic
ancestors and finds its expression in being called a “Nazi”—still. An ongoing active
genocide in Canada for more than 120 years, until 20 years ago (until 1996, Canada
and similarly USA) versus 12 years of genocide, until more than 70 years ago (until
1945, Germany): One nation is still proud of its “glorious” white colonialists his-
tory without global mention of genocide as its “price” (although internally, the
brutalities were admitted (Canadian Encyclopedia 2008), while the other nation
with a millennia long ancient history before these 12 years is still made ashamed of
its own roots and history and constantly reminded and stigmatized by the global
community…
Traditional indigenous tribes in North America with their particular belief sys-
tems had also their warriors to defend the group and their territory in order to
directly protect the survival of the tribe. In many tribes, their biggest honour and
pride, was to be a good warrior (McKegney 2013; Strickland 1997).

7.5 Contemporary Youth Mania Based on Materialism

and Consumption

North American indigenous cultures, spirituality and thus also the aspect of
shame-pride, nowadays are often closely intertwined with the Christian colonialist
value and belief systems. However, there is a large diversity of indigenous people
and communities, so generalizations cannot be made (Waldram et al. 2006). Some
indigenous groups and individuals try to revive and live old traditions, often being
secretive about traditional ceremonies, as one of consequences of colonialist cul-
tural genocide efforts. Others were indoctrinated as much that these Christians now
even oppose to the comeback of old aboriginal traditions, while some are not
connected to neither one culture or belief system.
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 171

However, recent influences in North America target all members of society

equally and they are, like anybody else, exposed and influenced by mainstream
society values. Present-day North American mainstream “culture” has its own rules
of shame and pride with its unprecedented consequences.
Here we need to look at the exploding massive media-sector, in North America
and worldwide, which became not only dominant, but “brainwashing” in daily life,
informing values and ethics today in every aspect. The resulting society is based on
youth, where peers and their media based opinions and values, matter more than
family, parents etc. (Neufeld and Maté 2013). The capitalistic corporation system,
creating continuously new and more (media) consumption, is behind this. In this
fast pace time—unprecedented in history—children commonly have more knowl-
edge than adults in an area (technical, media), which seems to be an important
qualification for our daily functioning, our “survival”, the work-world. Part of this
always expanding market is, that technology develops faster than a carrot grows,
new media devices occur on a daily base. Screens became easy and cheap
babysitters for overwhelmed parents, who seem to be helpless without them. All
kinds of game devices, phones etc., in addition to TV-screens built into family
vehicles, so the kids are “taken care” of, are the norm. A visit in a restaurant or
typical North American pub, a large store or mall, a plane ride is not possible
without being permanently bombarded by TV’s or other screens, in addition to the
widespread texting or mobile phone-addiction, which repeatedly causes accidents.
From toddler age on, most daily time is spent in front of some kind of screens,
including subliminal messages, advertisement, violence, sex, music etc.
Widespread continuous exposure to media, internet, movies, music, videos, games,
and pornography with detrimental messages etc. lead to desensitization and
acceptance to normality. An example for this is e.g. the category US “Gangster
RAP”, containing messages, presentations and calls to violence, racism, shameless
sexuality, sexism, including appeals even to rape and calls to take drugs
(Giovacchini 1999). Further examples are computer games, where successful kill-
ing and raping are main goals of the game [Wikipedia 1 2016: List of controversial
video games (violence, sexism, racism etc.)].
Immorality and unethical—shameless—behaviour (in a traditional sense)
becomes the norm in this “everything is possible” present-day North American
materialistic society in the absence of (healthy) “traditional” shame as a behavioural
regulative for the keeping of norms and values. As Bradshaw puts it: “To be
shameless is to play God.” (2005, 161). The according consequences might lead to
decay of society, diseases, epidemics, and collapse.
Techno-ecstatic and media-hypnotised kids and adults are constantly connoted
all kinds of image—needs, they do not really have. In this almost inescapable
“brainwashing”-system, society members are degraded to the everlasting consumer:
Always on the look for the newest shopping “kick”, trying to fill our inner void,
created by the unreal cyber(screen)-life we live.
All this replaces real life experiences, encounters and interactions.
Within North American youth today, there is a rising orientation on peers and
peer pressure, when it comes to values, behavior and identity, increasingly
172 B. Buch

destroying family and community influence by elders and their coherence (Neufeld
and Maté 2013). Neufeld and Maté delineate this youth—peer—media-based
“self-determination” as destructive for health and family cohesion, fostering “a
hostile and sexualized youth culture” and to bring about children who are “overly
conformist, desensitized, and alienated” (Neufeld and Maté 2013, backside). Sax
confirms this tendency of youth declining in achievement and with rising severe
psychological and other health issues (Sax 2015). The increasing lack of achieve-
ment in adolescents (Sax 2015) may reflect the widespread lacking shame about bad
work performance.
Detrimental consequences are described by Sax (2015), Neufeld and Maté
(2013). Spitzer talks about the “digital native” (born after 1980) in this context
(2012, 204), who does not even develop proper social abilities, not to mention
(mental) health problems, addictions etc.
Adolescents, based on their brain structure (Spitzer 2012) are the easiest
influenceable target group, where imprinting in order to base self-worth only on
materialistic outside “values” (the perfect consumer!) happens without much effort.
Many, if not most people submit to current society’s main rules and values,
where image and outer appearance, based on what others might think, triggers now
basic survival instincts and defines destructive shame and (toxic) pride in the
absence of meaningful cultural based connections.
Therefore the most common and widespread sources of shame and pride (see
model, left side) are based on the ever present media-advertisement for never
stopping needs and consumption. Main aspects here are body-image (cosmetic
surgeries for “beautification” become the norm, designer clothes, (brand names),
“cool sunglasses”) and social status, based on what you have (pride) or not have
(shame) etc. These influences often undermine and replace more traditional social
values like the admiration, honor and pride of essential community members and
their (work) achievements for example.
Capitalism with its corporations, which are at the base of this shameless game of
consume, greed and growth, are and act shameless. Employees in large institutions
usually do not feel personally responsible, because they are deliberately unable to
see through different hierarchy levels and decision-making. Thus the countless
shameless acts regarding humanity, but also nature and environment, of many large
institutions (from corporations, churches, governments etc.) create a shameless
society without any traditional values, ethics or morals in order to ensure func-
tioning, health and reconnecting as in naturally grown traditional cultures.

7.5.1 Cool Is the New Pride

In the context of youth, shame and pride, the common North American term “cool”
can be seen as a typical example in the realms of language. In present-day North
American youth mania society, “being cool” matters more to youth than anything
else (Neufeld and Maté 2013).
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 173

Cool can mean anything—often it includes doing shameful things—although the

attempt of being accepted by a group (media influenced peer group) is at its root.
“Cool” is the new “being proud of” on the personal emotional need level, which is
hoped to fulfill the need for acceptance, recognition and love. It is usually based on
image, body-image and outer appearance, but anything can be included. Shameful,
or being “uncool” is the opposite: outer appearance, which does not go with
mainstream media images. In this sense “coolness” is often based on disconnect-
edness from self, culture and ethics. Simultaneously the potential for healthy pride
is missing or degraded, because it would be based on culture, connection, honor,
traditional-non-oppressing-communal values, morals and ethics. This goes along
with the youth-mania, where parents and elders are not respected anymore.
In this sense anything to be of value for youth today needs to be “cool”. Many
adults, teachers, especially advertisement etc. adapted to this term and use it, in
order to be accepted by teens. We should rethink this term and its implications.
One contributing factor for mainstream cultural disconnection in present-day
North America could be also, that certain Christian values might not fit any more to
many people. Priests and other representamen of Christian churches for example,
are often disconnected from real life issues. Traumatic (shaming) experiences
caused by Christian churches and the complete loss of old, ancestral former tra-
ditional values, which had evolved in cultural adaption to the environment by
ancestors long before forced Christianity, still might create a disconnectedness, and
unfullfilledness, also in other than indigenous North American cultures. Current
multicultural mobile Canadian society consists of many individual(ist)s without
close group connections, who are seeking connection. Children of these grow up
even more disconnected, without structure, values, without community of
like-minded culture/traditions, ancestry. Media-connected youth mania seems the
only massively offered option in lack of no elder leaders or “judges” (Bô Yin Râ
1979).

7.5.2 Present-Day Public Shaming and Lynching

Misuse of shame and pride became widespread phenomenons in this cultural dis-
connected society, as rising incidents of bullying, and especially cyberbullying
reflect (Bullying Statistics 2016).
Bullying in schools is a big subject nowadays in Canada/North America: single
persons are made ashamed by others, because they are different, doing different
things, having special interests, not wearing designer clothing. Jealousy, envyness
and insecurity of the bullies are often the base motives. The Internet offers a global
platform to exponentiate the potential destructive effects of (cyber-) bullying with
countless examples, often leading to suicide or mental problems of the victims
(Bullying Statistics 2016). Online means are countless to (mostly) unjustifiably
globally shame a person: e.g. showing intimate, personal pictures or creating
rumors, spreading lies or wrong accusations about someone, in order to harm or
174 B. Buch

destroy this person. Bullying is often done “behind the curtain’ of the Internet,
where the performers can seemingly hide. Often in combination with other media,
cyberbullying as destructive shaming, represents a form of lynch law and can have
deadly consequences (Cavanaugh 2011). Despite of the lack of positive structures
in society, the breakdown of parental influence is supporting this development
(Neufeld and Maté 2013; Juuls 2016).
The Canadian/North American law system and society are not up to date con-
cerning these bullying and lynching actions. General focus is only on schools and
schoolkids. Outside of this frame, there are no help or protection agencies, and no
snatching law. For example, character assassination as one form of (cyber-) bul-
lying, can only be successfully prosecuted, if financial losses can be proven (Glen
Greene, personal communication, April 2015). How can you measure mental or
other health effects from shame financially? It seems that destructive ways of public
shaming, based on jealousy, envyness, and greed of others are not strived against
effectively by the Canadian law system and society.

7.6 Shame as Health Resource

In the following the potential of shame for positive health outcomes in the salu-
togenic sense is considered. Can shame be or become a positive health resource
within the considered contexts? How can the effects of shame and shaming be
transformed into a positive health outcome? Potential resources for turning shame
into a health resource are listed, some of which are also described by other authors
(e.g. Brown 2006; Bradshaw 2005).
Shame is stress in isolation and Salutogenesis means reconnection. Shame is a
reaction to a stressful event and causes stress. The perception of (what is) stress
varies from person to person. People react differently and where some people feel
shame, others do not. This depends mainly on upbringing, former experiences and
self-worth (Bradshaw 2005). Stressful shame can be caused by an intrinsic feeling
only, not intendedly caused by another group or person, but it also can be
intendedly triggered by others, justified or not. Nevertheless, all forms are perceived
as stress, as an attack on the whole person, who feels ashamed.
The normal basic biological stress response to an attack would be the generally
known “fight or flight” reaction described by Walter Cannon (Williams and Bracha
2004) in the thirties. In case of shame, however, neither flight nor fight is possible,
due to the need to be part of the ashaming group. Humans evolved as social beings
for survival and thus always strive to be accepted, recognized and loved by their
particular group. Therefore the shamed tries to hide, and the physical stress reaction
is going inward instead of supporting a fight or flight response.
We can consider shame as the ultimate stressor in the salutogenic sense, which
reflects a feeling of disconnectedness and asks for reconnection (Nathanson 2008).
The salutogenic model has the perceived sense of coherence (feeling of connection)
at its foundation. Felt shame is the opposite of this. It is hiding and isolation. It’s
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 175

central (stress) aspect for our daily lives, playing a role in almost any behavior, is
also expressed in its label as “master emotion” by Scheff and Retzinger (1991, cited
in Zembylas 2008, 266). “Shame and pride may be the most powerful forces in the
human world” according to Scheff (1994, cited in Zembylas 2008, 266). This goes
along with being often at the source of other stress factors like anxiety, depression
(Lewis, cited in Morrison 1996, 3) and other psychological challenges leading to
addictions etc. (Bradshaw 2005). Therefore shame should play a larger role in
therapeutic treatments, as possible root cause of other symptoms, so that they can be
treated more effectively (Lewis, cited in Morrison 1996, 3). Thus, former unrec-
ognized shame might turn into a source for healing.
According to Antonovsky, stressors—and thus shame—can potentially be
overcome with the proper resources, leading to more health (Antonovsky 1985).
Resources need to be present, activated or created. Potential resources for coping
with shame are mainly about restoring relationships (sense of coherence)—to self,
to others, to nature, to the divine (a greater power than humans) and belief system.
These have been destroyed by toxic shame. As Bradshaw describes the metaphoric
fall of Adam in the bible, shame is about restoring
the relationship with God, the relationship with self, the relationship with brother and
neighbor (Cain kills Abel) and the relationship with the world (nature). (Bradshaw 2005,
160).

Munt confirms that “[…] shame can incorporate some latent, positive effects”
(Munt 2007, 4). She describes, how shame as painful feeling, can be transferred into
positive energies, as happened during the “social liberation movements”, which
were based on “the binary opposition of pride/shame […]” (Munt 2007, 4).
In small tribal communities the tool shame represented an important behavioral
regulative for the benefit of the community (survival) and thus also for its shamed
member (e.g. revived in the restorative justice model, Handel 2007). It can be
compared to the parental tool of discipline, to shame a child in order to change,
adapt or improve its behavior. Then it can function as a contribution to the (family)
community survival and for its own sake. This ideal form of healthy shame is
beneficial for both, the whole group, and the individual to improve. In this sense,
shame contributes to the individual’s health, by becoming more functional,
achieving better results and by getting higher social recognition, wealth and
acceptance of the group (Salutogenesis). Thus a former shamed person may become
more successful, accumulate more resources in the salutogenic sense (money,
recognition, community) and become healthier (Salutogenesis). However, in order
for salutogenic shame to work and be constructive (healthy), a designated com-
munal process needs to be in place for the potential of reconnecting in a wise,
supportive, interventional way.
1. This potential first resource is “reintegrative” instead of “stigmatizing” sham-
ing, as Handel puts it (2007, 3): Shaming of damaging or destructive behavior
including reconnection within a close social group (based on leadership of the
176 B. Buch

“old”) as meaningful behavioral regulative for the support of the group and its
members. The recognition that everyone has shame issues helps to reconnect.
2. Second Resource: Recognition, that everyone has shame issues! I am not alone
with this (feeling of connectedness). Essential for the empowering process is
the conscious discovering and acknowledgement of own vulnerabilities for
shame (Morrison 1996; Brown 2006).
3. Third Resource: Acknowledging one’s own shame and vulnerability.
Connected with vulnerability is the importance of revealing personal hidden
shame issues and sharing them openly (Bradshaw 2005; Brown 2006). The
ability to talk publicly about own experiences of shame is also evidence for the
overcoming of shame (Bradshaw 2005). This “self-disclosure” is “one of the
principal methods in healing shame” according to Morrison (1996, XI). It can
be perceived as liberation from traumatic shame experiences and particularly
lead to a new (lost) feeling of power and connectedness, through the agreement
and support of like-minded people, who underwent similar shameful experi-
ences—as in the case of indigenous people in North America. Sharing leads to
connection with other people. From understanding and opening up one’s own
shame comes empathy for others, which again connects. The connection may
be even stronger, if the same or similar culture is shared and can be reactivated
(see resource 2). As Bradshaw describes the effect: “The interpersonal bridge
was being repaired.” (2005, 160). “When you no longer care that you are being
shamed, particularly when horizontal bonds formed through communities of
shame can be transmuted into collective desires to claim political presence and
a legitimate self, that new sense of identity can forge ahead and gain rights and
protection. There is also a certain joy that can be liberated by slipping out from
underneath shame that was historically in the early eras of the Black Civil
Rights Movement, Gay Liberation Front, and the Women’s Liberation
Movement in the 1970s”. “To be released from shame can produce elation,
[….]” (Munt 2007, 4) or with a different word: empowerment. Munt (2007)
describes how this opening up can lead from shame to pride and even bring
social change. Since shame is a group-related emotion, we also need to realize
that we nowadays need our own consciously chosen cultural or other
like-minded group to keep up our values.
4. Fourth resource: Sharing personal shame issues openly.
5. Fifth Resource: Connecting with like-minded people and groups, who under-
went similar shame-traumata (Brown 2006).
6. Sixth Resource: Showing empathy to other (shamed) people (Brown 2006).
The central aspect of Antonovsky’s model is the sense of coherence, based on
the feeling of connectedness. Cultures developed in adaption to environment
and living circumstances. We never should be ashamed of our own roots—on
the contrary—using shame as a health resource—we need to realize how cru-
cial, important own roots and traditions are. Within aboriginal groups, the
(re)connection to tradition and culture is one of the main practical empower-
ment tools, even in absence of a close and stable social living community (e.g.
in urban aboriginal groups and in present-day North America mainstream
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 177

society) (Hunter et al. 2006; McCormick 2007; Schiff and Pelech 2008). Also
the connection to a divine power and in this sense spirituality is essential to feel
connected. Bradshaw describes the divine reconnection as: “The restoration of
a bond of mutuality with God has enormous power to heal toxic shame.”
(Bradshaw 2005, 160). These reconnections, including to ancestors, can be
especially meaningful for the healing of destructive, toxic, unjustified and
intergenerational shame, in connection with support of consciously chosen
culturally like-minded groups. Reconnection to each other through culture
contributes to empowerment and to the courage to become an “alpha leader”
(Juuls 2016) for the young. Louth (2012) describes how the overcoming of the
“shame”-factor can empower “Indigenous people to share and celebrate their
culture with the wider community” (Louth 2012, 1) on an Australian example,
where indigenous people went through very similar past colonialist experi-
ences. Shchetinin, the founder of the Tekos-School in Russia, claims that
children, in order to reach their full potential, need to be tied “to the collective
ethnic soul” and “to their ancestors“. They must be “enrooted in the nature of
their homeland” (translated from German, Rotter 2013, 1; Shchetinin 1989).
7. The potential seventh resource is (re)connection to our roots: tradition,
(non-oppressing) culture, ancestral connections, and divine power
(spirituality/spiritual beings), and nature etc. in form of ceremonies, rituals etc.
In order to heal our own shame, we must consciously look at the source of
shame, at the origin, and its purpose. We must be made aware of who is (or
was) shaming us and why? Why do I feel shame? Is shame used to correct
individual behavior for a healthier community or as tool for oppression out of
greed, envyness or jealousy, respectively as consequences of toxically shamed
caregivers? Was it only perceived as shame? Does/did it originate from a
foreign source, unrelated to me and my true inner values? What are those
values? Is it used within a meaningful cultural tradition or as part of my culture?
Shame and shaming have been used as tool to eradicate culture and replace it
with the oppressors “culture” (colonialists, Christian church), and it also is still
used in different cultures to oppress women. For the feeling of shame to occur,
it doesn’t matter if I only imagine something as shameful or embarrassing or if
it really occurs. Even if people try to shame me, but I do not notice it, it is all
about my own perception. Perception is based on former experiences,
upbringing (e.g. blushing, fear of speech) and thus on self-worth and belief
system (Bradshaw 2005). For shame having the potential as health resource, the
source of shame and thus our belief system about our experienced shame needs
to be clear. It possibly needs to consciously be readjusted (belief system as
health resource, Antonovsky 1985, resource 8), necessarily with support of a
like-minded community (compare resource 6). The learned awareness, that
shame was unjustified (e.g. racial shame), can help to empower. Especially in
toxic shame situations, where “there is no reason or justification for being
stigmatised by shame” (like racial or homosexual shame) one coping strategy
by individuals and groups can be that “shame is transmuted into pride […] to
reverse the discourse”, where the degraded shamed person turns out into a
178 B. Buch

proud person (Munt 2007, 4). Pride can be based on one’s ancestors and
culture, especially in combination with reconnection to culture, cultural com-
munity and ancestral traditions (resource 2).
8. The potential eight resource is the awareness of the Who, Why and How of
shaming. A thus gained new perspective of the shame issue can empower. One
further example to develop a different view is through constellation work. This
is especially meaningful for the healing of intergenerational transmission of
shame. In this approach e.g. present-day personal (shame) issues are linked to
wider webs of connection and understanding: e.g. community, family and
ancestors, and can be possibly resolved to a certain degree (Boring 2012;
Mayer and Hauser 2015). The importance of ancestral connections for the
reestablishment of harmony and health on the example of (family) constellation
work is also described in Mayer and Hausner (2015) and Buch (2015). Mason
Boring (2012) demonstrates these connections within Native American per-
spectives. This particular group method, as well as Virginia Satir’s methods
(Bradshaw 2005), which validate and foster participants, can assist in the
solution of “unresolved issues in [the] family of origin”, for reducing shame
and transforming it from toxic to healthy (Bradshaw 2005, 169). Family con-
stellation exemplifies also the crucial meaning of ancestral relations for our
sense of coherence (connectedness) and healing and can influence our innate
belief system (Salutogenesis). Perception can be changed through conscious-
ness and a modified belief system. Further examples are absolute love and trust
in a bigger entity (God), as well as connecting with one’s ancestors. Regarding
oneself as a descendant of a line of ancestors can create a sense of connect-
edness (Antonovsky 1985).
9. Nineth resource: Changing the perspective on shame and thus the belief system
with different methods: For example constellation work and other interventions,
as well as through accepting a power higher than oneself (Bradshaw 2005).
10. Tenth Resource: Reducing shame by changes in one’s life (transforming
destructive/toxic to constructive healthy shame). Bradshaw’s (2005) example is
switching from alcohol dependency to e.g. group dependency and resolving
family-of origin, respectively childhood traumata issues, by finally “growing
up” (Bradshaw 2005). Louth (2012) describes a case of the empowerment of
formerly shamed Australian indigenous people (comparative history to North
American Indigenous People),1 leading to a sense of pride through a traditional
cultural celebration event, where respect and involvement by the local com-
munity und educational institutions played a crucial role. A result was an
increased sense of connectedness with the local community and its education
system. Important for this “overcoming of “shame” factor” (Louth 2012, 1) and
the transformation into empowerment were: the wish and initiative came from
the community itself, and the respect for the cultural presentations.

1
An article of Sharon Louth can be found as well in this book as Chap. 8.
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 179

11. Eleventh resource: Reconnect with others: neighbors etc. re-establish rela-
tionships (Bradshaw 2005). The welcoming of others, especially concerning
former shaming groups (white people), is crucial for this step.
From this and the success stories of healing and empowerment by reconnection,
learning, being involved in personal traditional cultural practices as well as the
central aspect of the Salutogenic Model: the sense of coherence/connection—we
may conclude that the reconnection to and rediscovery of ancestral traditions,
history, families etc. can play a major role for health. This is not only valid for
North American aboriginal traditions and their healing of shame. Each person has
ancestral roots, connections, some going back far in history, family, traditions, back
to the cultural origins. Culture always evolved in interaction with a specific envi-
ronment and living conditions for survival. This aspect becomes more important,
when we look at the intergenerational passing on of shame. The reflection of where
particular origins of cultural traditions are might go beyond Christianization, which
unfortunately mostly happened forcefully, without the natural integration and
retention of former cultural traditions and belief systems. Certain traits and char-
acteristics might be still part of a person’s mentality, originated as part of cultural
adaptation for survival. These traits still can have an enormous meaning for who we
are today and for the contribution to global life, for the evolvement of the future
world. If we manage to rediscover, recognize, value, honor, and contribute these,
we could meaningfully be proud of them in a connective sense of a nation.
However, NOT as something to overrule others, but instead as something valuable
to contribute. Because of the rising lack of cultural structure and connection, the
awareness of ancestral connections could create more connected and thus “global”
responsible, self-aware citizens. In this sense shame and pride acted in many tra-
ditional cultural societies as social regulative for keeping the group with its value-
and belief-systems together, also in distinction to other groups.
Toxic shaming occurred in the form of racial shaming, as e.g. in residential
schools towards aboriginal people or towards black people and other cultural
groups—and is still happening today (Leverenz 2012). Parents, who have been
toxically shamed themselves and were not able to develop a healthy sense of self
still continue this path (Bradshaw 2005). With intervention and help from the
outside, it might be able to be transformed in empowerment. The challenge in this
form of shaming also is, that it is intergenerational, so that the offspring has to deal
with similar issues, if not resolved. Interventions for reconnecting with assistance of
therapist, elders and like-minded groups, can be based on reviving old traditions
(ancestors) and group support, as well as reconnection to the divine, as spiritual
connection (Bradshaw 2005). In the case of North American aboriginal people, this
has already successfully been done in many cases, e.g. sweat lodge ceremonies and
others (McCormick 2007; Waegemakers Schiff and Pelech 2008).
Shaming based on missing intrinsic values, but instead on image, materialistic,
“youth manic” values, implanted into brains through continuous media exposure,
needs interventions for potential empowerment above all based on awareness,
consciousness, connection with cultural values and structures and the above
180 B. Buch

mentioned aspects. As preventional means to protect our children from the image
based destructive shaming, I agree with Neufeld and Maté (2013), Sax (2015) and
Juuls (2016): Parents need to take back responsibility to offer structure with love for
their children, be the leader “of the family-pack”. So the empowerment from par-
ents to be real parents and lead their children is of outmost importance.
Shame is not anymore a survival (health) enhancing cultural regulative. In our
contemporary North American society the diverse original cultural values are
increasingly undermined by health harming values. Traditions with the original
regulative shame function in a good sense to keep our group functioning have been
lost in many ways. However, there are also many other worldwide cultures, where
shame is used to oppress certain members, like e.g. women.
The positive relict of shaming to help someone to learn proper behavior (proper
meaning survival and health enhancing for group and individual) would need to be
recultivated within our own values and roots. In order to regain its original power
within a community, attempts similar to the restorative justice system (Handel
2007) should be integrated into the system.

7.7 Conclusions

Humans are social beings as part of their original survival strategy. Shaming as
inherent tool with the imperative reintegration/reconnection after, works within
interactive, reciprocally connected meaningful group systems: Community with
individual member support, where all are dependent on each other for survival.
Here shame and pride serve as essential keepers of values, morals, ethics and skills
in every needed member. The reconnecting process through outside intervention is
an imperative part of shaming; it is necessarily inherent to this reciprocal
community-based system.
In contrast, modern individualistic (capitalistic) North American society is
characterised by large distant anonymous institutions (governments, churches,
corporations) without real meaningful close connections to the individual, which
pursue only one-sided exploitation of their members. A similar structure was
already in place with the early Canadian colonialist government, only back then,
colonialists profited on the base of exploiting aboriginal people. The toxical
shaming of indigenous people in North America—in order to make them submis-
sive (McKegney 2013) was only possible, because the most vulnerable, namely
children, have been toxically indoctrinated in residential schools. A similar process
happens today—mostly unnoticed and subtle in a new technical dimension. Back
then in residential schools and today in media world, easy influenceable children
and adolescents were and are the main target for indoctrination of profit and power
supporting shame and pride “values”, in order to satisfy greed and jealousy and
turning them into effective sickening and destructive tools.
Today’s indoctrination goes freely through media, influencing mind-sets and
language. Governments even recommend the prematurely use of media (computer,
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 181

smart phones, Ipads etc.) for toddlers and preschoolers against better scientific
knowledge (Spitzer 2012).
On top of that in modern social media based society (“cyber-world”), people lose
the ability for essential, real meaningful social connection. Cyber-connections
become increasingly an addictive illusion, since the need for real-life social inter-
actions cannot be fulfilled through distant, anonymous technical superficial con-
nections (e.g. Spitzer 2012). Isolation and addiction are connected with shame.
Cyber-bullying is one form of abuse of shaming. One likely consequence in
cyberspace is that shamed or bullied people eventually themselves become bullies
and shame others, to deal with their anger and rage.
Instead of conducting useful actions against shameless behavior, the hierarchical
structure of anonymous institutions in modern society encourage themselves
shameless actions of individuals for personal gain, power or satisfaction. Examples
are too common, like environmental destruction or violence of human rights
through large corporations and raping priests in the case of the Catholic Church
(McKegney 2013, etc.)—all accepted, without serious consequences, for more
profit and control.
Simultaneously the old are neglected and ridiculed in “youth mania”, instead of
being respected as leaders and important advisors.
In the traditional reciprocal beneficial societies as well as in the modern
exploitative systems, shame and pride were and are used as powerful psychological
political tools, in charitable, constructive respectively in selfish, destructive ways.
Indigenous people lost their elder leadership and guidance through genocidal
actions as many young people lose it through current media “brainwashing”, where
peers and cyberspace connections are valued more than family, undermining par-
ental influence (Neufeld and Maté 2013; Sax 2015).
Shame and pride in modern society exist as a misused emotional social relict, but
are not an integral element of modern individualistically based societies. The
reintegration of an individual after shaming is neither needed anymore for
group-survival nor wanted. Thus there is no system-inherent self-interest or moti-
vation to intervene and help the shamed—bullied, lynched—person. Therefore
there is no system immanent way for empowerment or shame becoming a health
resource.
Is this form of individualistic versus community-oriented society even the origin
of destructive shaming, which then is carried on intergenerationally, with the
described consequences?
A way out is building real-life meaningful connections, based on shared life
(experiences), on relations, family, ancestors, culture-values etc. The core of this is
the family unit, which needs to be re-established. We need to first heal own per-
sonal shame and then focus on re-establishing parental leadership (as the core
group) with structures and meaningful values in family.
Generally speaking, shame is not “all bad” and destructive, as past research often
stated (Tarnopolsky 2004, cited in Zembylas 2008). It is neither “good nor bad, but
ambivalent” (Zembylas 2008, 277) and dualistic: like a knife, which can be used for
survival (harvesting and preparing food) or killing (death). However, as the still
182 B. Buch

common hiding, denial or missing acknowledgement of this subject might suggest

(e.g. Zembylas 2008), in reality, we are all “stung” by it somewhere or sometime
and “cultural, political and educational uses of shame” (Zembylas 2008, 263) are
present in all realms of life. In this sense “Helen Block Lewis […] believed, that
shame overlooked in treatment (“by-passed shame”) was a major cause of failure in
psychotherapy.” (Morrison 1996).
Thus shame is a normal part of everyone’s life. This acknowledgment can be a
salutogenic reminder of our connectedness through shame. Shame is an emotional
feeling and expression of a social being, who wants to be part of a group, wants to
be acknowledged and contribute. Its foundation is the asking for community, for
reconnection (Nathanson 2008). “[..] Shame can also be productive [within the
politics of intercultural education] – in so far as it adds something to social and
cultural encounters providing new understandings of how different cultural groups
inhabit society.” (Zembylas 2008, 265).
Important steps for shame being transformed into empowerment and leading to
more health are: acknowledging one’s own shame, becoming aware of the reasons,
why shame occurred and reconnecting to self, to other human beings/community, to
the divine/supernatural, ancestors, culture and the world (nature). Thus the sense of
coherence (Antonovsky 1985) can be rebuilt in form of “responsive, affirming
relationships” (Morrison 1996, 113).
Only with the proper resources and support, are we able to rise above shame, and
see this friction of shaming as an overcoming of an obstacle, that may give meaning
to our live. The (made) available resources (Salutogenesis) then could act as a
lubricant to reduce the friction.
Within the context of a positive or “constructive politics of shame in intercultural
education” within a multicultural society as Canada, Zembylas suggests teachers
leading their students to an awareness and openness to the ambivalence of shame,
including vital examinations of past occurrences which can then lead to “a deeper
understanding of otherness, identity and past historical trauma.” (Zembylas 2008,
271). Also on the political level, we need to become conscious about the
ambivalence of shaming and always scrutinize the context of its use. For shaming to
work as a salutogenic behavioral regulative, we need built-in reconnective struc-
tures in present-day society. The restorative justice approach in Saskatchewan
(Handel 2007) is a positive example, where lessons can be learned hopefully for
society as a whole. Although it is not needed for survival anymore, the possible and
actively supported reconnection after shaming should be a social human right.
The mainstream North American society with rising problems of their youth,
expresses the need for healthy shame in form of reconnection of the young to our
elders, but also their indispensably required dedication: (empowered) parents,
elders with wisdom, traditions, needing to be revived (Juuls 2016; Neufeld and
Maté 2013). These values of the elders need to be the basis for the judgement of the
young and their behaviour: what is shameful and needs to be corrected, so it can
grow possibly to honor and pride.
To return to my initial quotation “Respect for the Old”, the essential aspect in all
of this are the older, more experienced and wise, their knowledge, culture,
7 Canada/North America: Shame Between Indigenous … 183

traditions, their ancestral connection and their needed leadership. Their influence
has been destroyed and undermined in the past and in the present. Bô Yin Râ
expressed in his poem the symbolism of letting youth shape itself (with their own
chosen values—based on “lustful crazes”, which easily can be activated and raised),
which describes the starting collapse of a people.
Jugend schafft Wertes nur im Warten!
Jugend ist keimbereiter Garten!
Nur bei den Alten reifen die Früchte!
Der Jugend verderben sie lüsterne Süchte!
Jugend kann niemals sich selbst gestalten,
Findet sie Former nicht bei den Alten!
Jegliches Volk wird sich selbst zum Vernichter,
bleiben die Alten nicht seine Richter.
(Bô Yin Râ 1979, 105).
Youth creates value only by waiting!
Youth is a garden ready to sprout!
Only among the old do the fruits ripen!
In youth they are ruined by lustful crazes!
Youth can never mould itself,
Unless it finds moulders among the old!
Every people becomes its own destroyer,
If the old no longer are their guides!
(engl. Transl. by Posthumus Projects).

If we finally manage to overcome one of the hardest obstacles—toxic shame—

we might even feel healthy pride.

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Chapter 8
Indigenous Australians: Shame
and Respect

Sharon Louth

Abstract This chapter examines the shame factor within Australian society and
specifically draws on perspectives from the cultural context of Australian
Indigenous people. Initially shame and respect will be examined in terms of valuing
oneself and the impact of shame and respect on the constructs on oneself, those
being self-confidence, self-concept and self-efficacy. These terms will be explored
by understanding how these constructs of self are valued and measured within
Australian society and how they are linked to respect. Discussion will then focus on
how these values and measures are applied within Australian society and the effect
these measures may have on an individual’s perceptions of self. Strategies which
can be employed to increase self-confidence, self-concept and self-efficacy will be
examined, along with the notion of employing these strategies to enhance group
confidence, group identity and group efficacy, drawing on examples from projects
which have focused on Australian Indigenous people. It is hypothesized that if these
strategies can be applied to other cultural communities within Australia then they
may be translatable to assist other communities to successfully value culture, reduce
shame and develop respect across cultural contexts.

8.1 Introduction

Oh miss, that’s shame for me miss, when you talk about my people, my dancing, my
drawings, my music, that’s shame, I don’t want them to make fun of me, because I am part
of it, that’s me. (Louth 2012)

Experiences of shame occur as a wound to one’s self-esteem, a painful feeling of

a sense of degradation excited by the consciousness of having done something
unworthy of one’s previous idea of one’s own excellence (Lynd 2013). It has been

S. Louth (&)
School of Education, Fraser Coast Campus, University of the Sunshine Coast,
P.O. Box 1149, Hervey Bay, QLD 4655, Australia
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 187

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_8
188 S. Louth

suggested that shame develops when one is unprepared and feel they are exposed,
looked at, from all around (Erikson 1994). The above quote from Beck, a young
Australian Indigenous woman, embodies these definitions of shame by clearly
articulating how her own sense of self would be wounded and how she would feel
disgraced in the eyes of others. Beck’s words conveyed her sense of exposure and
perceived inferiority to others since discussing Australian Indigenous culture
heightened her sense of vulnerability and humiliation. The shame Beck referred to
vocalised the effects of the colonisation of Australia on its Indigenous peoples and
their sense of self, individually and collectively.
The post-invasion history of Australia’s Indigenous peoples is chequered with
racial discrimination, oppression and marginalisation which have occurred across
several generations. The long-term negative impact of this on Australia’s
Indigenous people can be seen in the areas of health and education (Andersen and
Walter 2010). Poor health impedes attendance at school, which in turn inhibits
learning and educational achievement (Harrison 2011). These factors perpetuate the
cycle of poverty and disadvantage within the Indigenous population. As self-esteem
is affected by the social context and social comparisons available (Bandura 1977b),
it should come as no surprise to understand how both individual and collective
sense of self within Australia’s Indigenous peoples is low.
A sense of self (or identity, character) refers to the awareness of one’s own place
in the social world. This self is closely connected with what others think of them
(Holstein and Gubrium 2000), or how they are perceived by others. Learning to
value oneself is a critical tool in enhancing self-esteem and raising one’s aspirations
for the future (Bandura 1977a). One develops a sense of self through various
experiences, personal or professional in nature or in an academic or social context.
Children and adolescents develop their sense of self-based on a range of perceptions
they amass from others and their experiences. When the terms “race” and “culture”
are used as a form of social comparison, it can typically marginalize some people,
whilst providing others with power and control (McMaster and Austin 2005). When
reviewing ways to value one’s self and one’s group and create a positive vision for
the future, it is essential to consider restorative practices to reduce the negative
effects of shame. One such practice is to generate respect for culture through
providing opportunities to increase knowledge, understanding and experience of
culture. Respect has been identified as admiration felt or shown for someone or
something who you believe has good ideas or good qualities (Le Messurier 2010).
The importance of developing respect within disadvantaged populations was sim-
ilarly highlighted through Paulo Friere’s work with teachers in Brazil. He stressed
the need for both humility, to listen to all that come to us regardless of their
circumstance; and tolerance to co-exist with the different (Friere 1998).
When considering how to generate a positive sense of individual and collective
self for Australia’s Indigenous people, it is pertinent to consider the context of the
Australian population. Forty percent of Australia’s Indigenous population are aged
below 15 years, compared with 20% of the non-Indigenous population, with young
8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect 189

Indigenous people making up around 5% of the school aged population (Australian

Bureau of Statistics 2011). Two thirds of Indigenous children live in rural or remote
locations where they are isolated from educational services. In socio-economic
terms, marginalisation, poverty, poor health and other disadvantages cumulate to
restrict access to and participation in education (Andersen and Walter 2010). The
reduced levels of education increases the divide between the dominant educational
cultures, with its demand for respect, which is embedded in Australian society, with
Indigenous culture which attracts little cultural capital.
This chapter explores shame through the constructs of self, culture and identity
as it relates to Australian Indigenous people, in terms of valuing one’s self and
valuing one’s people. Examples from projects within a regional community in
Queensland, Australia, conducted by and with local Indigenous people, will be
drawn on to provide some insight into the notions of shame and respect within the
context of Australia’s Indigenous peoples.

8.2 Constructs of Self

8.2.1 Definitions Relating to Constructs of Self-identity

Who we are, what makes us unique and who we believe ourselves to be lies at the
core of our view of self. Our perceptions of self are multi-dimensional and are
affected by our interactions with people and our environment. Often words like
self-confidence, self-concept, self-esteem and self-efficacy are used as inter-related
terms or synonyms to describe our understandings of self. These words demonstrate
the different dimensions of self and as such will be defined to provide clarity for
further discussion.
Self-confidence relates to how assured one feels about particular abilities, so this
can change depending on the ability under examination, and the group in front of
whom the ability is to be demonstrated (McClelland et al. 1953), in other words it is
task and audience specific. Like self-confidence, self-efficacy is also task or skill
specific, however it is an individual’s sense of being able to manage a task effec-
tively and successfully in a particular domain. Neither self-confidence nor
self-efficacy is used as holistic terms here, but skill and task specific, that is, it can
change in different contexts.
Self-concept is an individual’s collection of information, ideas, attitudes and
beliefs they have about themselves, their perception of the traits they have as a
human being, while self-esteem is one’s evaluation of one’s worth as a person and
is affected by the social context and social comparisons an individual makes. All of
these terms influence a person’s self-worth, that is, the value an individual places on
themselves in terms of their perceptions and attitudes towards themselves, and how
they see themselves and feel about themselves as a result. These perceptions and
attitudes of self ultimately affect an individual’s health and well-being. When this
190 S. Louth

occurs negatively within a cultural community, for example Indigenous Australians,

then there can be generational impacts on the health and well-being of such a
cultural community.

8.2.2 Impact of Shame and Respect on Self-identity

of Indigenous Australians

How someone feels about their self and how they value their self is a cyclical
relationship which can affect how a person responds within particular contexts.
Such is the relationship between self-confidence and self-esteem and how these
combine to affect a person’s motivation to improve their performance (Woods
2001). Seminal work around achievement and motivation by McClelland et al.
(1953) gave rise to the McClelland-Atkinson Model of Achievement Motivation
which is based on two motives: one being to avoid failure and the other, to achieve
success. This theory can be applied to educational settings, where observing the
behaviours of children may give an indication as to the underlying motives which
drive their actions and behaviours.
For many Indigenous Australians, their behaviour within educational settings is
often driven by the motivation to avoid failure rather than seek success (Harrison
2011). A common example of avoidance behaviour is non-participation, as this
enables one to dodge embarrassment caused by making a mistake in front of a
group of people, or “avoiding shame”. Avoiding shame greatly influences
self-confidence and self-esteem, as it “dominates how many Aboriginal children
think, talk and behave in the classroom” (Harrison 2011, 54).
Research has shown that Indigenous children usually focus on “who they have to
talk to, what they are expected to talk about, who is watching and what might cause
them embarrassment if they say the wrong thing”. They often focus on the people
around them and are very reluctant to “have a go” and make mistakes (Harrison
2011). Some research suggests this is a result of stories that have been passed down
through the generations about what has happened in the past. These stories tell of
Aboriginal children being removed from their families to be trained as domestic
servants and labourers and how, not very long ago, Aboriginal people had to apply
to marry, could not own property or access their bank account without permission
from the government, lived on reserves and had to apply for permission to leave,
and were forbidden to speak their own language (Phillips and Lampert 2005).
Government policies continue to impose laws and regulations without widespread
negotiation with the communities at which they are directed and consequently many
Aboriginal children know that their families have historically been subject to white
authority for most of their lives. Fear of failure greatly influences a person’s will-
ingness to take risks, while education relies on children having a go and taking a
risk to try to get something right. When considering fear of failure and avoidance of
shame, along with generational marginalisation, it is understandable that Indigenous
children would rather watch than rush into a novel situation.
8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect 191

For Australian Indigenous people, the avoidance of shame is often exhibited in

their behaviour (Hughes et al. 2004). For example, they may be hesitant to have a
go at something in public unless they know they have got it right. They may appear
unenthusiastic to hide their fear and vulnerabilities. Furthermore, as mentioned
earlier, how they behave in an educational context is very much dependent on who
is looking and listening to them (Harrison 2011). Contemporary education theories
rely on the learner taking risks and evaluating the outcomes (McGee and Fraser
2011). Indigenous people will approach these gradually and can often get left
behind as a result. The lower educational achievement of Indigenous children then
perpetuates the cycle of decline in their educational attainment.
The “Birrbam Gambay: Learning Together” project (Louth 2012) demonstrated
the effects of shame on young Indigenous people and their sense of self. Initially
Indigenous children were hesitant to join in activities, especially dance, as they
thought of it as “shameful”. These students stood at the back of the small activity
groups, which consisted of approximately 30 children, with their heads down and
shoulders slumped forward. They were reluctant to participate in the dance activ-
ities and possessed little self-confidence relating to their Indigenous heritage. At the
end of the festival, the local Indigenous dance group concluded events with more
dancing and asked for volunteers to dance with them. All Indigenous children came
forward to join them and dance in front of over 350 people, along with some
non-Indigenous children. Their body language communicated confidence and pride
in their culture. For example, their heads were held high, shoulders were back and
there were smiles on their faces. This change in body language is evidence of an
increase in a sense of self-confidence in their abilities. When interviewed at the
conclusion of the day, Indigenous children all commented on how it was a “deadly
day” and they were “proud to be part of it”. All children asked if the event would be
conducted again next year and offered to be involved again in the running of the
event.
The marked differences in attitudes and demeanour these Indigenous children
demonstrated during the course can be ascribed to the positive experiences they
received from others when they shared their culture. It can be said that by partic-
ipating in the “Birrbam Gambay: Learning Together program”, the Indigenous
children exhibited greater self-confidence and higher levels of self-esteem which
had a positive effect on their sense of self.
The increased sense of value these Indigenous children experienced is further
evidenced by their willingness to participate in facilitating future events. The
children had experienced so much success through participating in the program that
they were keen to play a more active role in future programs. Their behaviour was
no longer driven by the motive to avoid failure, avoiding shame, but by the motive
to achieve success and be part of future events. Achievement motivation theories
(McClelland et al. 1953; Woods 2001) have found low achievers are driven by
avoidance motives, whilst high achievers are driven by success motives. Hence it
would seem programs that increase self-confidence, self-esteem and promote a
192 S. Louth

positive sense of self can change a person’s motives to participate, thereby greatly
influencing their ability to become a high achiever for future success and establish
positive perceptions of self.

8.3 Constructs of Group

8.3.1 Definition Relating to Constructs of Group Identity

When studying the interactions and relationships that exist within groups, psy-
chologists consider the key features of groups are: feelings of interpersonal
attraction between members; a collective identity in which they view themselves as
a unit, distinct from other groups; and a sense of shared purpose (Woods 2001).
Humans seem to have a natural tendency to categorise themselves and others
into groups by aligning with individuals they feel possess similar key features to
their own (Tajfel 1978, 2010). One’s understanding of self is deepened through
their relationship with others and their environment. The systems of knowledge,
beliefs, values and behaviour shared by a group of people is termed culture and
plays a critical role in determining how we view ourselves, how we relate to others,
and what we value. Ethnicity is a form of group membership based on race,
nationality or religious background, leading to a cultural awareness within that
group. Culture is something which defines all people and shapes how they think,
behave and view the world. These ways of knowing, doing and speaking become
highly valued by the group and are passed on to all group members and taught to
younger or newer generations. This is the process of socialisation (Hyde et al.
2014), where cultural beliefs, knowledge, values and behaviour among members of
a group are passed on.

8.3.2 Impact of Shame and Respect on Group Identity

of Indigenous Australians

When groups are examined across cultural contexts, unique perspectives on self and
identity arise, where views of self differ across cultures (Purdie et al. 2000; Wang
2004). How these differences relate to Australian society and their impact on an
individual’s concept of self, can best be explained by categorising cultures into
“individualistic” and “collectivistic” cultures (Krause et al. 2010).
Individualistic cultures focus on the individual self, which is autonomous and
unique, where individuals pursue their own goals. Western societies, such as
Australia, is a typical example of an individualistic society. In contrast to indi-
vidualistic societies, collectivist cultures are more group centred, viewing indi-
viduals in terms of their relationships with others in a cohesive community
8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect 193

group. Indigenous Australian culture is an example of a collectivist culture, where

research found young Indigenous Australians base their identity on factors such as
their kinship group, sense of communal history, language, traditional practices and
place (Purdie et al. 2000). Other studies involving Indigenous Australian youth
(Louth 2012; Shweder and Haidt 2000) found Indigenous children defined them-
selves in terms of roles, responsibilities and relationships within their community,
to the extent where focusing on their own personal goals lead to embarrassment or
shame. These studies demonstrate the collectivist nature of Indigenous Australian
culture which is so contrary to the individualistic culture of the dominant Australian
society.
The Australian education system is one of the primary socialisation agents
within Australian society and operates within a culture of individualism, where
independent learning and competing against peers are deeply ingrained ways of
learning and succeeding academically in schools. Several researchers noted
(Harrison 2011; McInerney 2003) that Australian Indigenous children rarely seize
the initiative or maximise their own chances of success, particularly not at the
expense of others in a very competitive and highly disciplined education system. In
fact Hughes et al. (2004) support the proposition that many Australian Indigenous
children view independent learning as manipulative and selfish and are reluctant to
engage in problem solving activities. Further to this, activities that encourage
children to judge and be critical of others are often avoided by Indigenous children
as this would be seen to be disrespectful and would damage their relationship with
those people.
Research by Hughes et al. (2004) found that Indigenous Australian children
work better in groups because they learn from each other and the better children
within the group will support the less able ones. Cahill (1999) found that
Indigenous Australian children are more likely to take risks when they are working
within a group because there is perceived safety in numbers and the group
engenders confidence to take risks. These factors were found to be present in
several projects conducted by Louth (2011, 2012, 2013) where children avoided
shame and embarrassment by working within small groups, across multiple ages
and abilities, with others who shared their culture. Certainly the implications of
shame and embarrassment for Indigenous peoples on their participation and
learning, need to be considered so that the cycle of shame and failure is understood
and can be broken for future generations.

8.4 Strategies to Increase Respect and Reduce Shame

Education is the largest single factor associated with the current poor outcomes for
Australian Indigenous employment in our society (Hyde et al. 2014, p. 74)

Poverty, poor living conditions and health problems for many Indigenous
children mean they are severely disadvantaged in terms of Australia’s education
194 S. Louth

system and are predisposed to fail. Their fear of failure results in behaviour which
avoids shame, and in education, this means non-attendance, lateness and unwill-
ingness to participate in classroom activities. These behaviours set the scene for
further failure for Indigenous children and confines them to the cycle of economic
and social disadvantage and inequality within Australian society. For these reasons
and those exemplified in the above quote, strategies to overcome shame and
increase respect discussed in this section, will focus on building a positive sense of
self, both individually and collectively, specifically relating to Australian
Indigenous peoples.
It is crucial to nurture respect for Indigenous people and their culture, in order to
generate positive self-esteem (Louth 2012). Several studies have drawn positive
connections between self-identity for Indigenous children and improving educa-
tional outcomes (McRae 2002; Purdie et al. 2000). It is essential then to develop
community-wide respect for Indigenous culture so that it can create opportunities to
enhance self-esteem within the Indigenous community. This is supported by Garrett
and Wrench (2010) in their study on inclusion where they found affirmations of
respect for all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people fostered a positive sense
of self-efficacy (Garrett and Wrench 2010).
One strategy used by Louth (2012) was to encourage local Indigenous people to
share and celebrate their culture with local educators to increase understanding of
local Indigenous culture. The question of how to share Indigenous knowledge
sensitively and respectfully within local communities needed to be addressed
carefully and thoughtfully, in order to avoid shame and increase respect for the local
Indigenous people. Two main factors were considered to be crucial in celebrating
Indigenous culture: respect for culture and sharing from within the Indigenous
community. Sharing and celebrating Indigenous culture would only be possible if
the local Indigenous community was willing to communicate their knowledge and
skills to others. This is also only possible if respect for Indigenous people is actively
nurtured and cultivated by the power brokers in educational circles. No longer can
educators demand respect, for this is something that must be earned, especially
within the Indigenous community. The second factor is “within community” where
any celebration or sharing of culture must come from within the community, not
thrust on the community by an external source intent on achieving their own
performance indicators. Sharing and showcasing Indigenous culture from sources
outside the local community can lead to further frustration and resentment by all
parties. For a project to come from within the community, that community needs to
develop a sense of ownership, which brings with it commitment by the whole
community to the program objectives (Garrett and Wrench 2010).
The Birrbam burunga gambay project (Louth 2013) successfully cultivated
respectful relationships between the local education community and Indigenous
community and achieved the following outcomes:
8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect 195

• provided a platform for local Indigenous elders to share their knowledge and
expertise;
• celebrated the history, culture and achievements of Aboriginal and Torres Strait
Islander peoples in the region;
• hosted a festival which brought all participating schools together and replaced
the many smaller disparate events run by individual schools;
• fostered networks between local educators with local Indigenous people and
resources to create further opportunities to share and celebrate Indigenous
culture;
• built trust between the Indigenous community and the local education providers;
and
• raised Indigenous children’ motivation to complete their high school studies and
aspire to tertiary education.
These outcomes were achieved through the creation of respectful dialogue,
where respect was generated through many meetings and discussions with facili-
tation teams to ensure attitudes to the project were consistent with the overall aim of
the project—“Birrbam burunga gambay”—to learn and play together. Respect for
all facilitation team members was further enhanced with a grant which enabled
payment for their services. This demonstrated a respect for Indigenous knowledge
by attaching western values associated with respect, those being time and money, to
the facilitators for their expertise.
The impetus for the project grew from listening to the needs of disparate groups
within the community and synthesizing ideas and activities that addressed these
needs. The project established sound links within the community by enhancing
communication and developing relationships built on trust and respect between the
University, schools within the surrounding community and local Indigenous
community groups. This supports the findings of McRae et al. (2000) who found
that positive partnerships were a crucial element in establishing a sense of pride and
connectedness within communities. The “Birrbam burunga gambay” project suc-
cessfully planned and delivered activities in conjunction with Indigenous facilita-
tors. Their contributions were recognised by incorporating specialist Indigenous
tutors to deliver activities to children at the festival. This established ownership,
pride and a sense of belonging to the community, which gave rise to a sense of
connectedness to the university.
To recap: The sense of connectedness the project generated within the com-
munity can be attributed to key principles on which Birrbam burunga gambay was
organised. Primarily, that it was developed from an identified need from within the
target group and members of this group were actively involved in the planning and
delivery of the event. Secondly, that value was given to Indigenous knowledges by
formally recognising the specialist skills and knowledges that people within the
community possess. In taking this approach, a level playing field is developed,
where respect and value is cultivated and empowers Indigenous people to share and
196 S. Louth

celebrate their culture. These circles to success should underpin any event whose
outcomes involve establishing credible pathways to reducing the negative effects of
shame for Australian Indigenous people.
The strategies used by Louth (2013) reflected those used by Thompson (2010)
that were recommended by Indigenous elders, social-epidemiologists, psychiatrists
and sociologists to assist in developing greater knowledge and understanding of
Indigenous culture within the community. These strategies are outlined as follows:
create opportunities to strengthen connections with country; establish cultural
activities; legitimise traditional systems; recognise the need for connectedness,
hope, efficacy, safety, calm, dignity, responsibility, truth, empathetic listening and
working together (Thompson 2010). Earlier studies have identified similar suc-
cessful strategies to share Indigenous culture in schools (Garnett et al. 2009; Kreig
2009; Spencer 2000). Hyde et al. (2010, 2014) developed these ideas further in
relation to building learning environments that are responsive to the unique
requirements of Australian Indigenous people. His findings echo similar messages
of consultation, customisation, localisation and recognition as being critical factors
in establishing successful learning experiences for Indigenous children.
Further strategies to increase knowledge and understanding of Indigenous cul-
ture through educational institutions have been proposed by Harrison (2011) which
include involving parents and the wider community in the decision making pro-
cesses within these institutions.
• Form a school committee for Indigenous parents that is managed and run by the
parents.
• Talk with all parents about the local Indigenous Education Consultative Group.
• Establish a drop in centre for parents.
• Organise cultural excursions for all members of the school community.
• Run professional development sessions for parents.
• Hold a dinner off site to show parents what their children are learning at school.
• Arrange for parents to purchase Indigenous resources on behalf of the school.
• Fund National Aboriginal and Islander Day Observance Committee (NAIDOC)
projects.
• Invite Indigenous guest speakers to the school.
Strategies to enhance educational outcomes for Indigenous children which
acknowledge, recognise and support Indigenous culture inevitably help to build
skills and expertise. When these experiences are enjoyable children experience
positive emotions that motivate them to participate, to pursue goals and increase
their confidence in their ability to succeed. When children have enjoyable experi-
ences, their attitudes and perceptions relating to their participation and abilities are
constructive, so they are more likely to experience positive influences on their
self-efficacy.
8 Indigenous Australians: Shame and Respect 197

8.5 Future Directions for Australian Indigenous

Culture and Identity

The strategies provided above may offer a blueprint on which to work towards
sharing and celebrating Australian Indigenous culture. Federal, State and Regional
governments have moved legislatively to close the gap and overcome Indigenous
disadvantage in Education and Health in Australia. Many challenges exist for
government sectors, particularly education, since directives are put in place with
limited strategies or resources provided to reduce shame and increase respect for
Indigenous people within Australian society.
The importance of showcasing Indigenous perspectives to the wider community
is evident through several projects referred to earlier (Garrett and Wrench 2010;
Louth 2012, 2013), in that these programs foster a deeper understanding and respect
for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander culture. Such programs stimulate a sense
of pride for Indigenous people and their knowledges, whilst developing a sense of
connectedness with schools and universities. Overcoming the shame factor
empowers Indigenous people to share and celebrate their culture with the wider
community.
Educators at the grass roots level who can have a direct impact on reducing
shame and increasing respect for Indigenous children within local communities by
considering a number of issues:
• How can districts heighten awareness of Indigenous culture and knowledge at
local levels to support a more culturally aware community?
• How can respect for Indigenous culture and knowledge be generated within the
whole community?
• How can communication and collaboration be nurtured within the community?
• How community-based activities can be structured as building blocks to give
power back to Australia’s Indigenous people?
• Will this enable Australia’s Indigenous people to improve their education and
health prospects?
• What type of community project can promote respect, generate connectedness
and develop pride and a strong sense of self within the local Indigenous
community?
• How can this be showcased to the wider population whilst retaining respect for
Indigenous people and their culture?
• If self-esteem is crucial to motivation and performance, then recognising and
celebrating Australian Indigenous culture and overcoming the “shame” factor is
imperative to improving educational outcomes.
Overcoming the “shame” factor to empower Indigenous people to share and
celebrate their culture relies heavily on cultivating a two-way respect between
Indigenous people and the education community. A crucial factor in overcoming
the shame factor is the need to stimulate such events to come from within local
communities. This creates a sense of ownership by local Indigenous people and
198 S. Louth

enhances their commitment to the project. Engaging local Indigenous communities

through consultation helps to establish a collective identity and creates common
vested interests within the Indigenous and Education communities to sharing and
celebrating their unique Indigenous culture. Addressing the needs of local education
communities ensures schools are prepared to commit time and resources to support
Indigenous children, their families and communities.
So let us return then to the constructs of self, culture and identity as it relates to
Australian Indigenous people. The idea of bringing shame on oneself for Australian
Indigenous people is directly linked to bringing shame on one’s Indigenous culture
and heritage. Relationships with others and the environment are crucial factors in
the formation of self, culture and identity for Australia’s Indigenous people. Their
experiences of dominant Australian culture and ideology have historically been
negative, as their interventions were conducted from a deficit model. For genera-
tions now, Indigenous Australians have been individually and collectively exposed
to disrespect and humiliation, causing a great deal of damage to their confidence,
self-efficacy and self-esteem. The long-term effect of being marginalised and
shamed has had a negative impact on how Indigenous Australian’s value them-
selves, their people and their culture. This is why the negative impact on the
collective identity of Australian Indigenous peoples should be a major concern
within Australian society. As only when the threat of disrespect and humiliation is
fully eliminated can shame be overthrown and pride and respect take its place
within Indigenous Australians’ individual and collective sense of self.

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Chapter 9
Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand
Based Exploration of Resilient Responses
to Shame

Samantha Brennan, Neville Robertson and Cate Curtis

Abstract Shame can be a powerful and evocative experience. It can contribute to

the development of mental illnesses, such as depressive, anxiety, and eating dis-
orders. Shame can also contribute to social problems, such as violent crime.
However, shame is experienced by almost everyone, and not everyone experiences
such long-lasting negative effects. This chapter explores responses to shame, with
an emphasis on resilience. We address the key question of why and how some
people are devastated by shame, while others become resilient in the face of shame.
Our research was conducted in New Zealand, and the findings represent the
experiences of a selection of Pākehā New Zealanders.

9.1 Introduction

Shame can be a powerful and evocative experience. It is seldom discussed openly,

and when it is spoken about, conversations may become emotional very quickly. To
introduce this chapter, we have chosen a few particularly emotive quotes from the
interviews that were conducted as part of our research study. Reflecting on shame,
participants said:
John: I just think it’s so big. I think it’s the motivator, I think it’s the killer, I think it’s the
thing that breaks marriages, I think it’s the thing that continues to make humanity [suffer]
over and over and over again. Blame, shame, point the finger, disconnect, lack of intimacy,
lack of vulnerability, have to hide, keep safe.

S. Brennan (&)
N. Robertson
C. Curtis

School of Psychology, University of Waikato, Private Bag 3105,
Hamilton 3240, New Zealand
e-mail: [email protected]
N. Robertson
e-mail: [email protected]
C. Curtis
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 201

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_9
202 S. Brennan et al.

Lucy: [Sigh] Oh, it’s just the worst… [Laughter]. The worst feeling you can ever have I
think. Emotional distress is hard to process and experience, but shame - I would have to
qualify that as the absolute worst emotional experience.

These brief excerpts illustrate the potential depth and darkness of the emotional
experience of shame. For many people, shame is a significant motivator,
influencing a person’s thoughts, attitudes, and behaviours. Often unspoken and
unexamined, shame can have a profound effect on a person’s ability to thrive in life.
Some of our research participants depicted shame and resilience as contradictory
constructs. Participants described that it is difficult to recover from an over-
whelming experience of shame—but not impossible. Some participants also
described positive outcomes from shame experiences. A participant recounted
feeling intense and immediate relief when finally choosing to vulnerably confess to
a friend a secret that had been plaguing her thoughts for years. Another participant
described reuniting with his mother after finally acknowledging the shame of his
past violent and disrespectful behaviour. While shame held significant power for
these participants, shame’s power was diffused by the subsequent positive choices
that they made. These participants chose to respond resiliently, rather than reac-
tively, to shame, and the result was emotional relief and restored relationships.
Our study sought to understand both shame and resilience, with a view of
integrating these constructs into a comprehensive understanding of shame and
resilience. The findings hold numerous practical implications for the positive
management of shame experiences.

9.2 Previous Research

Shame has historically been an under-recognised trigger of poor psycho-social

functioning. However, the proposition that shame is an underlying factor in mental
and public health issues is receiving growing attention, as supported by a number of
quantitative and qualitative research studies. Recent studies have identified shame
as a contributing factor in anxiety disorders (Fergus et al. 2010), post-traumatic
stress disorder (Beck et al. 2011), depressive disorders (Gilbert et al. 2010), and
eating disorders (Unikel et al. 2012). Shame has been found to negatively correlate
with a person’s level of physical health, and shame appears in the psychological
literature as an important influence in trauma, for both victims and perpetrators
(Persons et al. 2010; Sweezy 2011). Shame has significant power to influence
negative psychological and social outcomes; hence, shame is certainly a topic that
warrants further investigation.
When confronted with the negative effects of mismanaged shame, it is tempting
to view shame as an entirely negative construct. Some theorists (e.g. Brown 2006)
have proposed that shame is bad and that eliminating shame from society would
have an entirely positive effect on levels of mental health. Other researchers propose
that shame has an adaptive value, and our research supports this opinion. Our
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 203

participants described shame as being a powerful, hidden, enduring, and sometimes

debilitating experience. However, many participants also described the potential
benefits of shame. As Lucy said,
But on the positive side, I think my experiences with shame have motivated me to do a lot
of work on myself…

In addition to acting as a motivator for personal growth, our participants

described shame as a key ingredient to the development of healthy pride. Healthy
pride encompasses a grounded sense of self-respect, dignity, and the ability to take
pride in one’s achievements. Without an awareness of one’s limitations, participants
suggested that it would be impossible to acknowledge their personal strengths.
Furthermore, our participants described shame as a mechanism that protects a
person from social harms. This perspective echoes the positions of a number of
shame theorists, including Scheff (2003). As Scheff describes, shame increases our
awareness of disruptions to our sense of pride, letting us know that our social bonds
are under threat. Underpinning the shame literature is the unwritten assumption that
being connected in healthy relationships is essential for healthy, law-abiding
functioning. Shame has the potential to provide valuable social feedback, which can
help us to maintain social bonds.

9.3 Shame in a Pākehā Cultural Context

A powerful quote by Jean-Paul Sartre (cited in Elison 2005, p. 6) illustrates the

relational nature of shame:
Yet although certain complex forms derived from shame can appear on the reflective plane,
shame is not originally a phenomenon of reflection. …it is in its primary structure shame
before somebody.

Shame is a complex construct and the existing research base is lacking in a clear
consensus regarding its nature, definition, and expression. Our research sought to
clarify this conceptualisation of shame. However, it is clear that shame is largely
social in nature, arising from and interpreted within particular social and cultural
contexts. Our research was based in New Zealand and was focussed on investi-
gating shame within a New Zealand social and cultural context. Therefore, it is
important to note that our research process and findings have been interwoven with
the values, beliefs, and customs of New Zealand culture.
When considering shame in a New Zealand context, it is also crucial to
remember that there is no single, universal cultural experience among New
Zealanders. New Zealand is a multi-cultural nation, made up of Pākehā, Māori,
Pacific Islanders, Asian and several other sub-cultural groups. As it was impossible
to effectively cover such a wide variety of cultural experience of an already broad
topic, we chose to narrow the focus of the investigation to a particular cultural
group, namely Pākehā New Zealanders.
204 S. Brennan et al.

9.4 The Key Question: What Are the Resilient Responses

to Shame?

Current research suggests that virtually everyone experiences shame; however, for
only a small number of people, shame becomes a causal factor for debilitating
social and mental health problems (Brown 2010). While shame causes serious
psychological and social problems for some people, others experience shame with
no lasting negative effects. We sought to understand why and how some people are
devastated by shame while others become resilient in the face of shame.
A clear and consistent conclusion of the resilience literature is that 50–70% of
people under adverse conditions typically fare well (Jain et al. 2012). Thus, resi-
lience is not just an abstract concept, but the genuine possibility of a good outcome,
even for those people who experience significant risk factors. Our research ques-
tions included the key questions of: How do Pākehā New Zealanders respond to
feelings of shame? And, what are the resilient responses of shame, for Pākehā New
Zealanders?
In our qualitative study, we interviewed seventeen Pākehā participants, who
shared their lived experiences of shame and resilience. These interviews were
recorded and transcribed, and the data was analysed using a thematic analysis.

9.4.1 Understanding Shame

We will begin by clarifying our general understandings of shame and resilience,

which will form the basis of our discussion throughout this chapter. Among the
participants we interviewed, shame was described with a number of specific
characteristics. Shame is described as being: invariably negative, powerful, intrin-
sically human, hidden, enduring, often debilitating, physical, social, and sometimes
unremarkable. Many of these characteristics align closely to research findings from
other Western cultures. Because shame can feel so horrible, many people (re-
searchers included) are sceptical that it can provide any benefit to humanity. The
powerful nature of shame is implied in research findings that link shame with
significant psychological and social problems (e.g. Beck et al. 2011; Gilbert et al.
2010). This demonstrates a need to further explore the power associated with
shame, how it debilitates people, and why it is such an enduring and pervasive
experience for some.
We asked questions about the sources of shame—and found enormous variety
in situational triggers for shame. Shame was found to be particularly prominent in
childhood, where shame resulted from the negative influence of parents, other
family members, school teachers and peers. Participants reported that shame, in
childhood or adulthood, could be triggered by the actions of others, usually out-
spoken shame or rejection, or by one’s own actions, which might include moral
transgressions, failure, or a felt sense of responsibility for disappointing or hurting
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 205

other people. The source of shame cannot clearly be identifiable as either internal or
external. Rather, internal and external influences merge to create a sensation of
shame that exists within a socially and culturally grounded experience. A single,
underlying source of shame was identified by all participants which was common to
their experiences of shame, that being judgement. Specifically, shame was found to
be associated with judgements that targeted one’s identity or threatened the security
of one’s relationships. The judgements that trigger shame may be held internally,
communicated by others, or both.
In contrast to the guilt-theorist philosophy that shame is universally unhelpful
(e.g. Ahmed 2001; Brown 2006), our findings suggest that shame can sometimes be
beneficial. While some researchers (e.g. Deonna and Teroni 2008) describe shame
as a construct synonymous with the statement “I am bad” and guilt as a construct
synonymous with the statement “I have done a bad thing,” we would argue that
these links are flawed, as they are not universally accepted expressions. While
internalising shame as the negative core belief “I am bad” is certainly unhelpful,
this does not mean that shame itself is never useful. Our participants described
shame as a painful experience, but one that is experienced in various intensities and
can be responded to in different ways. Shame can serve as the felt awareness of a
severed or threatened social bond, or as the felt awareness that one’s identity is
being called into question, perhaps by behaviour that violates the morals of oneself
or society. It was found that in attuning to shame, rather than dismissing and
avoiding it, we can benefit from increased social awareness, which may ultimately
result in strengthened social bonds.

9.4.2 Understanding Resilience

As the primary focus of our investigation was uncovering the resilient responses to
shame, it is important to briefly explore the nature of resilience. Resilience is a
complex and flexible construct. Our participants gave descriptions of resilience as
bouncing back from adversity. Subtle complexities were revealed when questions
were asked about what bouncing back or being resilient looked like. When ana-
lysing the data provided by participants, the notions of true and false resilience were
identified. Participants contrasted a false veneer of strength, with true resilience,
which is deeper, often messier, and more painful to attain.
A key finding related to resilience, is that resilience is birthed from struggle.
Previous research corroborates many of the descriptions of resilience provided by
participants, as well as factors that affect resilience, including biology, upbringing
and positive and supportive relationships (e.g. Bonanno 2004; Masten 2001;
Montpetit et al. 2010; Peters et al. 2005; Roisman 2005). However, the necessity to
endure struggle in order to build resilience was not explored in any of the previous
research that was reviewed. This appears to be a significant gap in the phe-
nomenological understanding of resilience, and this study’s findings provide a
starting place from which this feature of resilience can be further explored. The
206 S. Brennan et al.

importance of this finding is apparent when specifically relating shame to resilience.

Shame was found to be invariably negative; its experience is accepted as being a
hardship or struggle. While some researchers argue that its painfulness is unques-
tionably devastating and destructive, we counter this argument. We propose that
while shame is painful, it is useful and sometimes necessary. It is experienced as a
struggle, but as our resilience findings suggest, struggles are often opportunities for
growth. As a result of struggling with shame, we can ultimately become more
self-aware, more socially grounded in stable relationships, and more resilient.

9.5 Responses to Shame: Insights from Pākehā New

Zealanders

Shame and resilience are both worthy topics of study in their own rights. However,
our aim was to link these two important areas of study—to fulfil the ultimate goal of
discovering and exploring resilient responses to shame. When exploring resilience,
we found that it is possible to bounce back from adversity, but the process of
developing resilience is not an easy one. It involves experience overcoming
struggle, along with other factors such as personality, relationships, and mental
perspective. Resilience is a dynamic construct that develops in supportive rela-
tionships, over time, through struggle. With regard to shame, we found that shame
was described as an invariably negative experience, but that the struggle with shame
can, in some circumstances, be beneficial. Shame has countless situational triggers,
but ultimately, the source of shame is closely linked with judgement. The remainder
of the chapter will integrate our understandings of shame and resilience in a dis-
cussion that aims to answer the key question: What are the more resilient responses
to shame for Pākehā New Zealanders?
These questions were discussed in depth with participants who volunteered for
our study. A thematic analysis of the interview transcripts revealed six key themes,
related to participants’ responses to shame. These key themes regarding responses
to shame can be separated into two groups.
First, we will describe the “natural” responses to shame. These are the responses
that occur frequently and effortlessly in response to feelings of (or anticipation of)
acute shame. The term “natural” in this instance is not intended to imply biological
determination. Rather, it is intended to reflect the common and inherently human
aspect of these particular responses. The natural responses to shame include
avoiding shame, escaping from shame, and succumbing to shame.
The second group of responses—the “resilient” responses to shame—are to be
vulnerable to shame, be present with shame, and to be willing to change as a result
of feeling shame. While it may be tempting to categorically split these responses
into good and bad, or right and wrong, the chapter will explore the possible benefits
of each response. While the latter group may be more likely to develop resilience in
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 207

the long term, there are times when avoiding and escaping from shame can be the
most fitting response.

9.6 Natural Responses to Shame

The natural responses to shame are to avoid situations that might trigger feelings of
shame, to escape from shame when it is felt, and to succumb to shame, often ending
in it crippling one’s mental and social well-being. It is important to highlight the
name we have chosen for this group of responses—“natural”, not bad or wrong.
Shame is complex, and its responses are varied. The following responses may be
natural defences against, or effects of, shame. These responses can be problematic,
but in some situations they may be protective.

9.6.1 Avoid

The first response to shame that will be explored is avoidance. “Avoid” is a word
that arose multiple times during interviews, when participants were asked how they
coped with or responded to shame. Most people, if it was possible, would not only
avoid shame, but would in turn avoid any situation that might evoke shame. Lilia
introduces this theme in the following exchange, where she is reflecting on shame
she felt as a result of cheating on her boyfriend:
Researcher: How did you cope with the shame in that situation?
Lilia: I totally avoided him. [Laughter] And everything to do with him, and just went
[cutting off gesture] and cut it and tried never to think about it again.
Researcher: And how do you feel that worked for you?
Lilia: Well, I wouldn’t say it worked. [Laughter] I think you can probably only avoid stuff
for so long.

Lilia avoided shame both physically and mentally. She avoided her former
boyfriend, thus, avoiding any situations in which she would be reminded of her
actions, the broken relationship, or her feelings of shame about the break-up. She
also mentally “cut off” from shame, refusing to allow herself to acknowledge the
shame because of the deep pain that it brought. While this temporarily silenced her
shame, it did not help her to grow or learn from the situation.
Like Lilia, Peter avoids shame by physically avoiding situations where he will
encounter people who he perceives will judge him. Peter says, “There are certain
shops, areas that I won’t go into, because I’ll find more people who give me more
judgement.” Peter clearly links his shame to the judgements of others, and by
avoiding situations where he could potentially be judged, he avoids shame.
208 S. Brennan et al.

While many participants described physically avoiding situations where they

might feel shame, Charlotte provides a different example of avoiding shame. In the
following excerpt, Charlotte describes perfectionism as a mechanism for avoiding
shame. Charlotte is reflecting on the effects of being excessively, outwardly shamed
by her mother when she says:
It created in me to put high expectations of myself which were always unrealistic. So to
never praise myself for the work I had done, but rather to go, it’s just not good enough.

Charlotte describes developing very high expectations of herself. This is, in part,
the result of internalising her mother’s high standards, but it also serves as an
attempt to avoid shame. In response to shame, Charlotte constantly tried to work
harder and do better, in order to avoid the feeling of not being “good enough.”
Avoiding shame appears to be an understandable, human response to an emotional
experience that can sometimes be deeply distressing.
Many people used the word “hiding” when describing their responses to shame.
Elisabeth says: “How else do I deal with shame? Definitely hide.” Peter expands the
theme of hiding from shame to reveal how he physically hides his face through the
use of sunglasses, to avoid being recognised and consequently feeling shame in
exchanges with others he may encounter. Peter says:
If I’m in that space, if I have to pop into the supermarket, I’ll go to a different one, or I’ll
wear my sunglasses. Not that… I’m tall, people will still spot me, but I feel I’m hiding.

Peter finds comfort in feeling like he is hiding. His sunglasses provide a barrier
between himself and others, which provides a perceived sense of protection from
shame. While hiding in this way helps Peter emotionally, it would also serve to
exacerbate his social isolation.
A number of participants described an interesting way of hiding from shame—
hiding behind a mask. Kathleen says, “You learn to put on masks. Which is bad—
it’s bad, I know, it’s not good. But it’s your coping mechanism. You know?” Rather
than withdrawing and hiding physically and socially, Kathleen continued to be
socially involved, physically visible, and connected. However, she refused to let her
true thoughts and feeling show; she refused to be vulnerable. By putting on a
“mask” Kathleen was able to protect herself from shame, but at the cost of true
connection with others. Kathleen constructs this response as “bad.” It is possibly
due having realised the isolating effect of this response that Kathleen believes her
response to be wrong or unhelpful, even though it is still a response she is driven
toward.
Elisabeth elaborates on the concept of hiding from behind a mask by saying:
I thought I was hiding, but to other people, I was the crazy up front girl. I threw myself
in situations where I was the life of the party, but to me, I was hiding, because they weren’t
seeing my fear, they weren’t seeing the language inside my head, they weren’t seeing the
fact that I was just desperately hurting. They were seeing this bright and bubbly person, but
to other people it probably wasn’t perceived as hiding.

Like Kathleen, Elisabeth felt she was protecting herself from shame by refusing
to reveal her true feelings of fear and failure. She created a false persona, which was
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 209

liked by others, but which prevented her true, vulnerable self from being known,
and therefore, from being loved and supported.
A final method of avoiding shame is hiding through shrinking and making
oneself less visible. Mark says that as a child, to avoid shaming situations, he would
“survive through being quiet and trying to just be invisible or quiet and not make
too much trouble.” If he was not noticed, he could not be shamed, and so hiding
through “invisibility” was a protective coping mechanism for Mark.
Finally, concluding the discussion on avoidance as a response to shame, Mark
describes the effects of avoiding or hiding from shame. He says, “So I’ve always
been hiding something. And that hiding or being alone, being alone in your own
stuff—no one really knows what’s really going on for you.” As Mark describes,
both, avoiding and hiding from shame, often results in the avoidance of relation-
ships—or at least the avoidance of authentic relationships. Responding to shame in
this way ultimately inhibits and prevents interpersonal connection. This can result
in short term protection from social dangers; however, widespread avoidance of
shame can leave a person chronically isolated and unable to connect with or receive
support from others. This ultimately hinders the development of resilience, which is
greatly enhanced by supportive relationships.

9.6.2 Escape

Most participants described a desire to avoid feeling shame—sometimes at all costs.

However, when people are unable to avoid shame, the next natural response is to
escape from shame. This can happen in many ways.
Many times, people respond to feeling shame by physically fleeing. For
example, when Kathleen was asked how she copes with feeling shame, her
response was:
Mainly sitting down and withdrawing. I withdraw; I run away. That is my… You know the
fight or flight? I literally pull back.

When Kathleen feels shame, her immediate response is to flee—to withdraw. It

is interesting to note the contrast in Kathleen’s actions and her description of the
emotional process involved. While physically she responds by simply sitting down
or withdrawing, a passive, low energy response, the emotional description of the
fight or flight response is a very high energy response. Kathleen describes sitting
down and pulling back—emotionally removing herself from a dangerous situation.
This may leave a very high level of emotional volatility—unvented energy, which
could then contribute to numerous other problems, such as anxiety or aggression.
Kathleen’s description of running away from shame brings an image that is
reminiscent to the image of hiding described earlier. When Kathleen has been in a
situation where she was emotionally exposed and left vulnerable to shame, feeling
shame causes her to immediately withdraw back into hiding. She dodges the
feeling, as much as she is able, and returns to a vigilant state of shame avoidance.
210 S. Brennan et al.

More than one participant described moving to another country to escape from
shame. Lilia describes her experience in the following except:
I ran away. [Laughter] I moved. I moved and avoided [my parents]. Seems to be what I
do… I’ve done that my whole life, since I was old enough to get away […] I started to
recognise the feeling when I was a bit older, and it would be the same pattern. Something
would happen and then I’d want to run away. And I’d, start looking for somewhere else to
live in a different country to move to, and you know, I’d blimmin move country. [Laughter]
…I went to America once, went to Aussie another time, went to China.

Lilia created a pattern of repeatedly running away from shame by relocating to

new countries. This is likely to have left her isolated, and unable to establish
adequate support networks.
Another means by which it is possible to escape from shame is through numbing
shame. Many participants referred to having escaped from shame by numbing their
shame—most commonly through the use of substances. John introduces this theme
by describing a process of emotionally escaping from shame to various hiding
places. John says,
Whenever I’ve had something like that happen in my life, I’ll hide. And I used to have
several hiding places, which were, alcohol, food, girls… So, I will just go into hiding.

Hiding as a response to shame was discussed earlier, when discussing avoidance

as a response to shame. When a person is confronted with acute feelings of shame, a
natural response is to escape the painful feeling by fleeing to the security of hiding
places. Hiding through escapism differs from the hiding discussed earlier, in that to
escape from shame back into hiding often involves a more active effort to flee from
or numb the feeling of shame. Peter, when describing ways of coping with shame,
mentioned,
Yes, and in between all of that there’s just numbing yourself - alcohol, weed.

Often people consume substances to achieve this emotional numbing. John

refers to alcohol and food, as well as girls, as places he goes, or methods he uses to
hide.
Max continues the discussion of substances as an escape from shame in the
following quote. He is referring to first being exposed to drugs when visiting his
father’s house as a young teenager.
Me and my cousin, and there was this green stuff lying around, and we knew what it was,
and we started smoking that, and then boom! That was it. We were both hooked. Yeah, we
both thought it was amazing; it was just the perfect escape.

Max refers to the feeling of getting high for the first time, as “amazing,” “the
perfect escape.” For some participants, substances gave them freedom from the
harshly painful experience of shame, allowing them to escape into some form of
relief of happiness. However, this escape is temporary and carries significant
dangers, such as inappropriate behaviour or addiction. Participants also reflected on
the pain, difficulty, and long-term consequences they endured as a result of abusing
substances to escape from their shame.
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 211

Another, less notorious but equally common escape that participants mentioned
was through eating. When asked how she coped with feelings of shame, Elisabeth
said:
What else do I do? Eat, I eat. I eat a lot. [Pause] Damn mechanism of eating when you’re
feeling bad. [Laughter].

Elisabeth describes excessive eating as a mechanism of escaping from shame,

and other bad feelings. Like drugs or alcohol, eating can also provide comfort and
sooth painful emotions in the short term. However, overeating has its own negative
long-term outcomes, which can exacerbate, rather than help, feelings of shame.
A number of participants referred to feeling shame about their bodies related to
being overweight.
A final method of escaping from shame through substances is introduced by
Jennifer. Jennifer refers to numbing shame through prescribed antidepressant and
antianxiety medications. Answering a question about the emotional experience of
shame, Jennifer says:
I think it just like pulls you down really. Like a big blanket over your head or something.
But like I say, because I haven’t really dealt with it, it has come in other ways. I’ve been to
multiple doctors, as you can imagine, over the years. But it’s never been dealt with. It’s
been covered up. [Whispering] Drugs! [Laughter].

It may be controversial to suggest that medically sanctioned treatments may

actually be an escape mechanism. However, it is interesting to note Jennifer’s
thoughts on the issues. Her experience is that drugs covered up, rather than dealt
with, the issues she was facing. Prescribed medications provided temporary relief
from acute feelings of shame, but she positions the doctors and the drugs as being
unable to help her with her shame. Years of medical treatment kept her shame
well-hidden, but she was aware that the shame, along with other negative emotions,
was still there lingering under the surface. The medication provided an escape from
shame, not a cure.
Another way that participants described escaping from shame is by unloading
their own shame onto someone else through blame. Elisabeth introduces this theme
when she says,
Some ways I cope with feeling shame… so, ignoring, shaming others [laughter] or blaming
others - in myself, not actually to them!

Elisabeth describes shaming, ignoring, or blaming others as defensive responses

to her own feelings of shame. While she qualifies that she does this in her own
mind, not overtly toward the other person, it is reasonable to assume that sometimes
people are overtly blamed as a result of another person’s shame. Similarly, Drew
responded to a question on coping with shame by saying:
I think I have the need to blame and shame Steve, because I feel he could have left much
better and all of this could have been avoided. […] I’d like to punch him in the face because
that would hurt him, or blow his car up or something nasty. […] Yeah, he’s the person I’ve
disliked the most in my life. So, that’s been difficult. There must have been a lot of shame
tied up in that…
212 S. Brennan et al.

Again, Drew refers to his internal fantasies, rather than physical actions of
violence, but he clearly blames Steve for his own shame. Drew’s words display a
physical building of energy, as his shame transforms into anger, which he gets
emotional release from by imagining violent attacks.
Michelle provides another example of responding to shame with anger when she
says:
As a result of being so horrible at school, or, being the horrible one at school, being the
loser that nobody liked, got picked on, beaten up… As a result, when I was at home with
my brother and sister, I was a bully. I was real mean, very physical, very angry.

Michelle is referring to the effects at home of being bullied at school. The shame
she felt was redirected and misplaced onto her brother and sister. Michelle suggests
that she was physically violent to her siblings as a way of expressing her anger
about the shame she endured from her peers at school.
Escaping from shame is a natural response, which can lessen the immediate
negativity of feeling shame. However, escapism can have long term negative
consequence. Escaping from shame through substance use can lead to addiction;
both physical and emotional routes of escape can lead to social isolation. When
someone escapes from shame, rather than acknowledges it, he or she is unable to
attend to the feeling, to learn from it, and to deal with it constructively.

9.6.3 Succumb

The final natural response to shame is to succumb to shame. Jennifer introduces this
theme in the following exchange, where we are discussing childhood memories,
which are saturated with both past and ongoing feelings of shame:
Researcher: How did you cope with them when you didn’t talk about them?
Jennifer: By having anxiety and not sleeping for years and years and years and years!
[Laughter] So, I didn’t cope with it.

Jennifer reports simply not being able to cope with shame. Anxiety and chronic
insomnia were physical symptoms of her shame, which overwhelmed her for many
years. Similarly, Sarah refers to her response to shame when she says: “Cause I
used to not cope at all. I used to get depressed, chain smoke.” Depression and a
severe addiction to cigarette smoking were effects that Sarah attributed to her
inability to cope with shame. Jennifer and Sarah speak with a sense of futility and
helplessness about their past responses to shame. They had no means of dealing
with shame, and it eventually overcame them.
A particular way in which participants reported succumbing to shame is by
internalising shame. The internalisation of shame involves owning negative
judgements about the self, and incorporating them into one’s sense of identity.
Elisabeth describes having internalised experiences of shame in the following text:
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 213

[Shame] probably has had detrimental effect on my marriage, for example, in that I’ve often
doubted whether we will be given normal. I have an underlying assumption - and it’s a
misbelief and it’s wrong. When I’m irrational, I think that I don’t deserve normal, and
therefore at some point he’s going to leave, or things are going to change, or something is
going to happen.

Elisabeth describes believing at a fundamental level that she is abnormal or

unworthy of a “normal” life. When stressed, she doubts that her husband will stay
with her, or fears that other bad, unforeseen changes will negatively affect her life
and her family. This links back to a revelation Elisabeth made earlier about her
feeling shame as the result of her father dying when she was very young. She felt
ashamed because her family was not “normal.” Elisabeth internalised this shame,
which resulted in a long lasting image of herself as being different from others and
her future security as being anomalous. This example illustrates the long term
impact of succumbing to shame through internalising shame. In Elisabeth’s case,
responding to shame in this way continues to affect her relationships well into
adulthood. The internalised negative judgements about herself and her identity,
believing that she is unworthy of a normal life, serve to inflict further, ongoing
shame and fear. This may predispose Elisabeth to feeling shame in situations where
others might have very different emotional reactions. For example, if, in the future,
Elisabeth’s husband were to leave her, it appears very likely that she would feel an
enormous amount of shame. In contrast, another person with a different background
might respond with another primary reaction, such as anger.
Caleb expands the discussion on internalising shame by saying:
And so, with whatever happened to me, my weaknesses turned into… as if they were
terrible things. I’m fundamentally flawed and defective rather than I’m just needy, and I just
need help, or I don’t know how to do something, and it’s a bad thing, it’s bad about me.

Looking back on his life, Caleb describes how he internalised shame, believing
that his weaknesses were terrible character faults, rather than normal human limi-
tations. He believed that there was something “bad” about him, when he was unable
to accomplish a task, rather than realising that needing help is an ordinary and
acceptable feature of humanity.
Similarly, a previously quoted conversation with Charlotte illustrates how shame
can be internalised and therefore create ongoing pain and insecurity. Charlotte
describes internalising the shame she felt when her long-term boyfriend left her,
saying:
When my ex and I split up I felt a lot of shame, because he decided there was someone
better. [Laughter] There’s a lot of shame there. That probably also echoed a lot of those
same feelings - like, well I’m obviously not good enough, I can’t be what you need me to
be. A lot of that hopelessness again. It echoed a lot of my mum’s voice. […] Yeah, that was
probably quite a shaming season of life really. Had to spend my time trying to figure out if
really I did have anything to offer. That shame probably created a sense of insecurity in me,
like going, “Am I really that bad? Am I really that unlovable?”

As a result of her ex-boyfriend’s behaviour, Charlotte concluded that she was

“obviously not good enough” and was incapable of meeting his needs. She
214 S. Brennan et al.

described a sense of insecurity that lived inside her. Charlotte provides a real
example of the hypothetical scenario that was discussed earlier regarding
Elisabeth’s fears. Some degree of shame is a normal response to a severed
relationship. However, Charlotte’s shame was likely exacerbated by the internali-
sation of negative judgements about herself that occurred earlier in her life as a
result of her mother’s harsh and shaming parenting style. Questioning one’s identity
is an expected reaction to shame, but when those questions are chronically repeated,
being internally answered with unrealistically negative appraisals, shame may have
been internalised. This could lead to long-lasting insecurity that damages one’s
mental health and affects future relationships.

9.7 Resilient Responses to Shame

Avoiding, escaping, and succumbing are natural responses to shame, and in some
cases, they can be protective. However, when used excessively and unbalanced,
these responses hinder rather than help the development of resilience. In our
analysis, we identified a group of responses to shame that more readily lead to the
development of resilience. These responses are to be vulnerable, be present, and be
willing to change.

9.7.1 Be Vulnerable

The first of the resilient responses to shame that were identified in our analysis is
vulnerability. Our participants reported a natural tendency to avoid any situation
that might evoke feelings of shame. However, participants also acknowledged that
avoidance can result in social isolation and, eventually, in depression, anxiety, or
despair. Alternatively, when people are willing to be vulnerable and risk experi-
encing shame, their social connections can be strengthened and their well-being
tends to increase.
The first means by which a person can be vulnerable is proactive vulnerability.
Rather than avoid any situation that might possibly cause shame, a person can
choose to take risks, which leave himself or herself open to the possibility to feeling
shame, but which provide experience that enhances growth and resilience. John
provides insight into this form of vulnerability in the following text:
I see people who are motivated by shame quite often in training. “I better train so I can
finish the race, because if I don’t finish the race, I’m going to be ashamed.” Or, I observe it
in a different way, I deal with quite a few people, and they won’t train, or they won’t study,
so that when they fail, they can say, “Oh, I didn’t train anyway, so I don’t really care.” I see
that a lot. It’s a funny thing to me because I have a need for achievement, but I’ve seen that
more than I ever expected to see it. I saw it in young people, and now I see it in adults. “Oh,
I didn’t train anyway; it didn’t mean that much to me.” But I really know it did. So it’s like
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 215

they use their shame to keep them safe so that they never have to experience what is
possibly unbearable for them - failure or whatever the case may be.

John describes many slightly different examples of shame avoidance. He

describes people avoiding taking risks, such as public speaking, in order to avoid
the possibility of shame. He also describes people training hard or over preparing
for a presentation as a means to avoid the shame of not finishing or failing.
Conversely, he describes people choosing not to train or not to study as a means of
protecting themselves against the full experience of shame. By not preparing for the
event at hand, they block out vulnerability, and are able to rationalise and justify a
failure, which can reduce the associated shame. John contrasts this behaviour with
his own need for achievement, suggesting that one consequence of avoiding shame,
rather than allowing oneself to be vulnerable, could be a lack of achievement and
progress. Another consequence could be an inability to grow and develop
resilience.
John echoes the position of many other participants in depicting pain as
unquestionably uncomfortable, but it is not necessarily harmful. Participants clearly
constructed resilience as being born out of struggle, and of positive experiences
overcoming struggle. Feeling shame is unpleasant, but it can strengthen a person.
Avoiding shame at all costs results in avoiding achievement, connection, growth,
and learning. In contrast, being vulnerable carries a risk of feeling shame, but it is
also empowering and enhances resilience.
Another way that being vulnerable to shame can occur is through responsive
vulnerability. Some participants suggested that when they feel shame, it can be
helpful to admit the feeling of shame to oneself and to others, and to be vulnerable
in connecting with others. Lucy introduces this theme in the following quotation:
And I think being in connection over it, with other people, definitely helps reduce it.
[Laughter] And I don’t think I used to do that. I would just try and deal with it by myself,
rather than talk about it. [It’s] still difficult to go there, but I do believe it’s helpful. And, to
read about it. To recognise that it’s actually a really basic part of human experience, and it’s
not just me.

Lucy acknowledges the difficulty involved in vulnerably sharing feelings of

shame with others. However, she also constructs vulnerable connection as “defi-
nitely helpful.” Lucy describes the helpfulness of being vulnerable with others as
coming from being enabled to recognise shame as a normal and natural part of
humanity. Our findings on resilience indicated that positive and supportive rela-
tionships foster resilience through creating a sense of knowing that you are not
alone in your struggles. Likewise, being vulnerable with regard to shame allows
Lucy to connect with others, to share experiences and understandings, to realise that
she is not alone, and to ultimately build resilience.
Caleb says:
You can’t heal what you can’t feel. You can’t do it by yourself; it has to be a non-shaming
face. It’s through relationship that we get shamed, and so it has to be through relationship
that we get healed […]. You actually have to be loved by somebody in whatever it is that
216 S. Brennan et al.

you feel shame about - and see it in their face, and see it in their demeanour, and hear it in
their voice. You can’t intellectualise your way out of it.

Caleb starts by saying, “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” This insight relays
an acceptance that avoiding shame at all costs is not useful, as avoidance ultimately
prevents a person from listening to shame, learning from shame, and healing shame.
In contrast, when someone acknowledges their shame, and divulges it to another
person, their shame can be reduced. Caleb speaks about relationships having
healing power. He says that being genuinely loved and accepted by someone else is
the only true means by which someone can be released from being stuck in shame.
Shame has earlier been described as a social emotion—the emotional awareness of
a severed or threatened social bond. Shame is triggered by judgement, which can
include the fear or imagination of someone else’s judgement. Freedom from shame
can result if a person chooses to be vulnerable, to expose a part of themselves for
which they feel shame, and they receive acceptance and love in response, rather
than rejection and shame. As Caleb says, no amount of intellectualisation or
rationalisation on a cognitive level can compare to the power of secure social bonds
in building resilience to shame.

9.7.2 Be Present

The next resilient response to shame to be explored is to be fully present with

shame. Caleb says, “The only way to heal the shame is to feel the shame.” Our
research revealed that shame gains a great deal of power from its silent and hidden
nature. Often, through escapism, people hide shame even from themselves. As
mentioned in the previous section addressing vulnerability, Caleb suggests that if
one does not allow himself to feel shame, he will never heal from shame. Similarly,
when asked to describe the most resilient response to feelings of shame, Lucy says:
There would have to be acknowledging first. I guess this is talking about processing and
having a cognitive awareness of that and the ability to step out of it, and not be over-
whelmed by it. And deliberately using skills to integrate it. It would be nice to say I’ve got
to a point where shame [laughter] is not really a factor any more, I’m that resilient to it. But,
I don’t think that’s realistic. I think the most resilient response is working through it to a
point where it’s managed, accepted, and it doesn’t define you.

Lucy highlights the importance of acknowledging shame, proposing that being

consciously aware that she is feeling shame is important for being able to positively
move forward and out of the experience, rather than to deny or escape from it. Lucy
suggests that to be unaffected to shame is an unrealistic goal. In contrast, she
proposes a healthy expectation for dealing with shame is accepting its influence, but
refusing to allow it to define her identity.
Max further comments on the necessity of accepting shame in the following
quotation:
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 217

You just have to ride the roller coaster sometimes and say, “Yes, I did that, and I did that,”
when it comes up. Because certain things will trigger it off, and will trigger a thought and
you’ll remember that and then the emotions and stuff will come with that. Just gotta accept
what you’ve done and then let it float out of your mind, just like it floated into your mind.
‘Cause I mean, if you start obsessing about it, it’s just really not going to help you at all. It’s
just going to further ruin your confidence and stuff like that. There’s no point dwelling on
the past too much. Sure, we all do things we are ashamed of, but it’s learning how to accept
it and move on and let it, it can be a positive thing, like something positive can come out of
it if you let it. Not remould you, just learn from it - upwards and onwards.

Max says that the ideal response to shame involves simply acknowledging
shameful memories or passing feelings of shame. He says that acceptance is the key
to coping with shame positively. Rather than obsessing over feelings of shame or
denying shame, if he can sit with shame and let it pass, Max believes shame can
have positive effects. It can foster learning, understanding, and growth.
When asked to describe the most resilient response to feelings of shame, John
says:
It is what it is. I have no need to judge it, to fix it, explain it, or control it. I can observe, I
can learn, I can grow, I can use it to be a blessing to myself and to others as I experience, I
can empathetically observe others and myself within it. But the moment I blame, shame,
judge, split, I’ve gone right back into that shame thing. So, it is what it is.

Similarly, Michelle says:

Feel the feeling. Feelings aren’t going to kill you, it’s just a feeling.

John and Michelle both describe a simple state of letting shame exist. John
describes being present with the emotion without trying to escape through fixing,
explaining, projecting, or controlling it and without succumbing to it and inter-
nalising negative judgements. These accounts attribute a sense of power to the
acceptance of shame. John describes that when one tries to escape from shame (for
example, through blaming) he ultimately brings himself more shame. When one
accepts shame, he can offer empathy to himself and others, and he can grow.

9.7.3 Be Willing to Change

The final resilient response to shame is to be willing to change. This is closely

related to being present with shame. Liam connects the discussion on being present
with shame with being willing to change as a result of shame. He says:
Shame is quite a negative emotion. It drags you down, but I think in some ways it’s
possibly not possible to be quite so perfect in the face of it. Maybe a more realistic one is
just to let it run its course on you. Just feel it and let it wash your sins away. Yeah, go
through the wringer that you brought on yourself. You know, feel bad and feel crap about
yourself and everything, rather than shut it out and be like, “Oh, I’m going to be a good
person from now on,” you should just ride it out. Take your medicine, and then at the end
of that then, “Right, I’m not going to do that again.” Maybe just welcome it into your life is
218 S. Brennan et al.

actually a more realistic and healthy way to deal with it, rather than just sort of sense, “Oh,
it’s coming, I’m going to be a good person,” and run away, perhaps.

A number of responses to shame are interwoven in Liam’s description. He refers

to being present with shame, and being willing to suffer as a result of it, rather than
escaping from it. Referring to shame brought on oneself as the result of a moral
failing, Liam says that feeling the shame and letting it “run its course on you” can
enable a person to change as a result of his experience with shame. This illustrates a
response to shame that includes acknowledging and grieving a loss of innocence.
Liam affords shame the power to “wash sins away.” Shame may then provide the
suffering necessary for growth, and the experience necessary for learning.
According to Liam’s position, if someone recognises shame as occurring as the
result of his own choice and is willing to accept it and learn from it, then shame can
empower him to make changes to his future behaviour. This will ultimately
improve his behaviour, strengthen his relationships, and develop his character.
Liam positions being present with shame as a necessary ingredient for genuine
growth as a result of shame. Contrasting this with vowing to “be a good person” as
a form of escapism, Liam paints a picture of a person who has endured pain and
suffering as a result of shame, been willing to accept this and engage with the
struggle, and has emerged from the painful process a genuinely changed, more
resilient, and wiser person.
One aspect of being willing to change as the result of shame is being willing to
right wrongs. Ultimately, this results in a healthy avoidance of shame, as a result of
repair, rather than avoiding, social connections. Sophie introduces this form of
positive avoidance and willingness to change when she says:
Like when I spoke to the woman at work, and I’m so horrified how I spoke to her, because
it’s just not me, that it makes me take a look at myself and think, “Why the hell did you do
that?” and avoid doing it again. And learn from it, you have to learn from it.

Sophie evaluated her own behaviour—a negative way of speaking to a work-

mate—as being shameful. This lead Sophie to question her choice to act in this
manner and to make conscious changes to learn from it and avoid making the same
mistake in the future.
A final note regarding responding to shame with a willingness to change, con-
cerns empathy. Many participants noted that their experiences with shame made
them more empathic toward others who were going through similar experiences.
Michelle, when reflecting on the shame of wetting her bed as a child, says,
It does mean I can empathise when I hear of other little people who wet their bed. And
they’re like, “Oh, you don’t know what it’s like.” And I’m like, “Yeah I do. Yeah, I really,
really do.”

By being present with and recognising her own shame, Michelle is able to
genuinely connect with others, offering support to children who may otherwise feel
they are suffering alone in their shame. Similarly, Luke offers the insight that having
experienced shame himself in the past has caused him to reconsider his responses to
others, in order to ensure that they are not harmed by shame. Luke says:
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 219

Well, I like to think that I’m a bit wiser in dealing with other people as a result of it. I don’t
like injustice, whether that’s a result of shame experiences… When it comes to people with
their peers, if I’m dealing with children or teenagers, I don’t like to see them shamed in
front of their peers. So, I would say it’s made me a little slower to react in situations, to
think things through - think of the consequences before dealing with something.

Luke noted earlier in his interview that he feels shame is especially powerful in
public situations. Having been affected by the potent influence of public shame,
Luke is careful when dealing with vulnerable people to make sure they are sup-
ported and respected when correction is necessary. The positive effect of shame in
Luke’s case, is that it has slowed his reactions and allowed him to carefully con-
sider the effects of his words and actions, rather than reacting naturally, perhaps by
avoiding his own shame through blaming others. His willingness to slow down may
include a willingness to acknowledge and be present with his own shame, which
would likely occur alongside another’s shame in a situation where the relational
bond has been threatened. This would result in more helpful outcomes for both
Luke and the other party.

9.8 Shame and Resilience: Practical Implications

We have introduced and discussed a number of responses to shame. In our research,

six responses to shame were identified, which were divided into two broad themes.
The natural responses to shame are to avoid, escape, or succumb. Participants
reported avoiding shame by avoiding any situation that might evoke shame, or
escaping from shame through physically running away from shame or through the
emotional numbing of substance use. When avoiding or escaping from shame was
not possible, the next, natural response to shame was to succumb to shame—most
commonly through debilitating anxiety or depression. While natural responses can
sometimes be helpful in the short term, they tend to be associated with negative
long-term effects.
Participants also described three more difficult, more resilient responses to
shame. These were to be vulnerable to shame and willing to take risks; to be present
with shame, actively acknowledging its influence; and to be willing to grow and
change as a result of struggles with shame. These resilient responses to shame,
while described by participants on an individual level, may also be applicable on a
wider, community level. As argued by Brown (2006) and Van Vliet (2009), and
supported by our own research, acknowledging and naming shame is crucial to
shame-resilience. By actively acknowledging shame within our society, we raise
awareness of a powerful issue. If we are willing to discuss shame, to be
non-shaming and accepting of others who are experiencing struggle, and to chal-
lenge and change ways in which we have inadvertently promoted shame, we can
encourage shame-resilience on a widespread level.
These findings hold interesting implications for psychological practice.
Considering established research on shame and resilience, as well as our own
220 S. Brennan et al.

research findings, it is clear that positive and supportive relationships are important
for the development of resilience. The findings suggest that having a safe space to
acknowledge shame and vulnerably share one’s experiences with shame is bene-
ficial to overcoming shame and building resilience. From the perspective of clinical,
psychological practice, this suggests that regardless of the particular modality of
therapy, seeking help from a practitioner who is accepting and non-judgemental of
the person, as well as their feelings of shame, would be helpful in promoting
individual level resilience. For someone who has experienced long-lasting inter-
nalised shame, a cognitive-behavioural approach to therapy may be useful in
addressing negative core beliefs that have led to enduring and debilitating shame
experiences. For someone who has become increasingly isolated as the result of
avoiding or escaping from shame, a therapist may need to provide long term
stability and support in order for a genuine relationship to build in which the person
feels safely able to vulnerably connect. For someone who is not at risk of being
overwhelmed by internalised shame, a mindfulness approach may help the person
to be present with shame, increasing their awareness of the shame and enabling
them to mindfully consider options for change. Bearing in mind the considerable
diversity of shame experiences, we should be flexible in our approach to the issue of
shame, carefully considering the individual history and context of each person with
whom we work.
It is vitally important for practitioners to be able to safely attend to issues of
shame in individual therapy. However, as Sedgwick and Frank (1995) point out,
relegating shame to the therapy room may actually reinforce the avoidance of
talking about shame in other settings. Another important implication of the findings
for psychological practice involves the necessity of promoting shame resilience on
a more widespread level.
Being willing to be vulnerable and reach out for help is an important individual
response to shame, but without people in the community to reach out for help from,
this would not be possible. It is important to proactively encourage social support
and acceptance of others. For someone who is being marginalised or stigmatised by
others, there may be no safe options where he or she can go to receive support. On a
community level, we must remain aware of shame and be mindful of its potential
power when displayed to others. Thus, being present with shame is not merely an
individual response but also a potentially beneficial social value. In our critical
reflections of our culture and our society, being aware of shame, naming it, and
discussing its influence may go a long way to relieving shame of its negative power.
Both on an individual level and a wider, social level, we need to start recognising
shame and acknowledging it within our conversations. Reducing its hiddenness
may reduce its negative effects. By directing our attention to shame, we will be
better equipped to proactively respond to shame.
9 Shame and Resilience: A New Zealand Based Exploration … 221

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Chapter 10
From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation
of Bullying Across Cultures and the US

Rebecca S. Merkin

Abstract When shame becomes guilt, individuals change their focus from blaming
others to acknowledging personal responsibility. This piece reports on findings that
show how aspects of shame are correlated with bullying behaviors and how
reducing those behaviors can be achieved by remediating shame through the pro-
motion of guilt or by using interconnected harmony strategies. Though this study
primarily tested US (individualistic) participants, these findings are compared with
extant studies carried out in collectivistic cultures because it is important to focus on
remediating shame to reduce bullying in multiple contexts. Shame prompts the
desire to amend the threatened social self and improve self-esteem. A common
maladaptive method of amending the threatened social self and improving
self-esteem is bullying, because bullying gives the perpetrator an illusion of power
and importance. Addressing and remediating shame could have a positive effect on
reducing bullying by establishing an ethical climate within bullying environments
that encourages mutual respect, shared responsibility, and social inclusion. Results
of this study support the notion that correlates of shame established in previous
research on convicts, extends to individuals with a propensity to bully others.
Analysis of cross-cultural literature and US findings illuminates how shame leads to
a resource-orientation through the desire for harmonious mediation and the
acceptance of responsibility through guilt.

10.1 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying

in the US and Across Cultures

This chapter sets out to extend shame research by identifying the anti-social
behaviors enacted by bullies who experience unacknowledged shame (Ahmed and
Braithwaite 2004). This chapter accomplishes this by reporting on a recent US

R.S. Merkin (&)

Baruch College—CUNY, 1 Bernard Baruch Way VC 8-241,
New York, NY 10010, USA
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 223

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_10
224 R.S. Merkin

study which tested the relationships between shame, guilt, and the propensity to
bully, as well as reporting on comparable research recently collected in
cross-cultural studies. Bullies, like other anti-social personality types, tend to
instigate problems in schools and workplaces, often causing the target to respond
with negative affect, stress, and aggression (Neuman et al. 2011). Therefore, it is
worthwhile to begin identifying the characteristics of those who have a propensity
to bully others, in order to better understand the modus operandi of this problematic
personality type and to assist individuals in the productive handing of situations
where bullying—a persistent harmful type of aggression (Lutgen-Sandvik and
McDermott 2011)—exists. For example, remediation strategies such as guilt
management and harmony enhancement could be planned as resources towards
thwarting bullying. As will be discussed, a lack of appropriate guilt contributes to
bullying and therefore, enhancing one’s ability to feel guilt can perhaps lead to
reduced shame and bullying.
Extant research on bullying interactions is primarily focused on bullying targets
and what to do about the problem, however, there is very little is known about the
perpetrators of bullying (Rayner et al. 2002; Rayner and Keashly 2005; Rivers and
Noret 2010; Zapf and Einarsen 2011). Once bullies become part of the fabric of a
work place, an intolerably toxic work environment results. It is important to
understand more about the perpetrators of bullying in order to inhibit their mal-
adaptive complex anti-social behaviors (Sutton et al. 1999; Vaughn et al. 2010;
Vega and Comer 2005).
A study by Sutton et al. (1999) found that bullies may manipulate and organize
people in such a manner as to inflict damages on others in subtle and destructive
ways, while avoiding detection themselves. As a result of the complexity inherent
to the topic at hand, this investigation draws on previous research conducted on
anti-social behavior resulting from shame, to try to explain the propensity to bully.
Cross-cultural research on shame and bullying will also be reported on as a com-
parison point for the present US study results.
Previous research shows that there is a connection between unacknowledged
shame and anger (Lewis 1971; Scheff and Retzinger 2001). Studies have also found
a link between unacknowledged shame and bullying (Ahmed and Braithwaite 2004;
Dzurec et al. 2014; Fast 2015). The present chapter expounds on these ideas and
sets out to identify personality dispositions likely to be found in bullies, in order to
support the fostering of shame remediation as a positive orientation towards bul-
lying remediation. This is because counter intuitively, negative emotions such as
guilt are known to facilitate prosocial responses (Bandura 1991; Fisher and Exline
2006) whereas shame-based emotional responses tend to be antisocial (Hall and
Fincham 2005; Tangney and Dearing 2002). This occurs for the reason that guilt
positions an individual’s attention on how a specific action is depraved or immoral
(Fisher and Exline 2006; Tangney and Dearing 2002), leading them to focus on
their misconduct and be motivated to correct it internally. What’s more, by
increasing feelings of guilt that would be experienced upon hurting someone, the
empathy which could develop, may reduce the likelihood of continued hostile
behavior (Stanger et al. 2012). The focus on guilt, therefore, is more likely to
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 225

motivate people to work on restoring damaged relationships resulting from trans-

gressions (e.g., Baumeister et al. 1994, 2007; Fisher and Exline 2006; Tangney
et al. 2007). Previous literature also indicates that shame leads to negative inter-
personal relationships (Tangney and Dearing 2002), one of which is likely to be
bullying (Lutgen-Sandvik et al. 2009). It is, therefore, warranted to examine the
effects of shame on bullying behavior more thoroughly in attempts to reform such
attempts through fostering guilt, a moral emotion (Malti and Ongley 2014).
The present data has been tested to see whether shame is directly related to
bullying, in order to advance the supposition that unacknowledged shame is to
blame for this anti-social behavior, as found in previous studies (Tangney and
Dearing 2002). For example, two primary characteristics of bullies, namely,
(a) a lack of empathy (Gini et al. 2011; Jolliffe and Farrington; Warden and
MacKinnon 2003) and
(b) a tendency to deny responsibility for behavior (Menesini et al. 2003; Naimie
and Naimie 2009) are both positively related to shame (Fisher and Exline
2006; Proeve and Howells 2002; Tangney 1991).
In other words, this study shows that those who bully have similar personality
traits as those who are in a state of shame. The aspect of shame that resembles a
lack of empathy, which is the experience of sympathetic emotions (Dovidio et al.
2006), includes the externalization of blame and detachment (Proeve and Howells
2002; Tangney and Dearing 2002). The comparable emotion that corresponds to an
acceptance of responsibility—guilt is the undesirable feeling that one has done
wrong by one’s own standards. There is support for the notion that guilt acts as a
catalyst for self-improvement and connection (Schaumberg and Flynn 2012), and is
negatively related to shame (Tangney and Dearing 2002).
Given the association between correlates of shame and characteristics of bul-
lying tendencies (i.e., lack of empathy and abdication of responsibility for one’s
actions), it is supposed that the propensity to bully is also related to correlates of
shame. Thus, this study will test the relationship between correlates of shame (i.e.,
guilt, externalisation of blame, and detachment), and a propensity to bully others, as
characterised by a lack of empathy and a lack of taking responsibility for one’s
behavior.

10.2 Bullying, Shame, and Guilt

10.2.1 Bullying

Individuals with the propensity to bully were often themselves previous targets of
shame, by having grown up with domestic violence (Tangney et al. 2007), by
having been victims of abuse as a child (Randall 2001), or by having been targets of
aggressive behavior (Douglas and Martinko 2001). Shame and other characteristics
226 R.S. Merkin

associated with aggression are likely to play a part in bullying others (Ahmed and
Braithwaite 2004; Lutgen-Sandvik et al. 2009). More specifically, studies show that
a lack of empathy (Gini et al. 2011; Stanger et al. 2012; Warden and MacKinnon
2003), as indicated by detachment (Gini 2006; Menesini et al. 2003; Stuewig et al.
2010), is associated with aggression. Additionally, a refusal to take responsibility
for ones actions, as indicated by externalization of blame (Ahmed and Braithwaite
2004; Gini 2006; Stuewig et al. 2010), has also been shown to be associated with
aggression (Ahmed and Braithwaite 2004).
Similar to bullying, perpetrators of derogation who feel shame tend to exacerbate
conflict. On the other hand, perpetrators of derogation who feel guilty tend to act
prosocially to reconcile their conflicts (Folger and Skarlicki 2005; Menesini and
Camodeca 2008). A study of post-traumatic stress and feelings of shame as opposed
to guilt showed a connection between stress and feelings of shame leading to more
physically and psychologically aggressive behavior than those experiencing stress
together with guilt (Schoenleber et al. 2015). In a similar vein, it is likely that
bullies who feel shame are also likely to enact anti-social interactions focusing on
conflict-exacerbating themes when they reflect. Although there is evidence that
shame can also promote prosocial reactions such as an apology or helping (Gausel
et al. 2012; Shepherd et al. 2013; Tangney et al. 2014), it is unlikely that bullies are
responding in this fashion because they would not be using bullying tactics if they
were “helping”. Alternatively, it is more likely that bullies experiencing shame are
focusing on conflict-exacerbating themes because of their tendency to abrogate
responsibility for their actions (Menesini et al. 2003; Naimie and Naimie 2009).
Additionally, if confronted by the target and/or the organization over anti-social
acts, shamed instigators display defensiveness (Folger and Skarlicki 2005). In short,
perpetrators of conflicts such as bullying who feel shame, also tend to use
anti-social means to resolve conflicts (Ahmed and Braithwaite 2004).

10.2.2 Shame and Guilt

It is clear from previous research that although perceptions of shame and guilt are
often colloquially referred to interchangeably, there are profound differences in
their effects (Tangney et al. 1996, 2005, 2007). Shame is a self-evaluative emotion
in which one’s total worth as a person is judged while guilt is a condemnation of the
person’s behavior exclusively (Tangney and Dearing 2002). Consequently, when a
person is judged as bad, there is nothing s/he can change to become good but when
a behavior is considered bad, one can change the behavior. Accordingly, shame is
more serious than guilt in that it results in strong feelings of inadequacy (Donnellan
et al. 2005). It is these feelings that are possibly behind the defensive actions of
bullies.
In fact, maladaptive (Roos et al. 2014; Tangney et al. 1992; Tangney and
Dearing 2002) shame has been shown to be related to unconstructive anger
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 227

responses such as direct, indirect, and displaced aggression because it causes people
to feel that their self-esteem and pride are gone (Tangney et al. 1992). What’s more,
shame has been shown to be related to bitterness, hostility, a lack of empathy, and a
tendency to blame others for negative events (Ahmed and Braithwaite 2004;
Tangney and Dearing 2002) and a decrease in prosocial behavior generally (Roos
et al. 2014). An example of this was found by Jakupcak et al. (2005) in their study
on men. Their findings showed that in order to mask their shame, men commonly
fear expressing vulnerable emotions, which, in turn, leads them to express
aggression and hostility instead.
On the other hand, those who experience guilt, also understand that sometimes
they may violate their own standards; yet at the same time, know and accept
responsibility for the wrong they have done (Malouf et al. 2013; Tangney and
Dearing 2002). This is because the acknowledgement of guilt, by definition,
requires individuals to take responsibility for their actions (Stuewig et al. 2010).
Feeling guilty is positively associated with feeling empathy, which requires others
to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. As a result, guilt has also been shown to
be responsible for prosocial modes of communication (Malouf et al. 2013; Tangney
and Dearing 2002). In fact, research shows that although guilt-proneness concur-
rently predicts more aggressive and less prosocial behavior initially, subsequently it
results in an increase in prosocial behavior (Roos et al. 2014). This may be because
guilt causes people to accept what they have done wrong. Then, after realizing their
behaviour is wrong, they can make amends or correct their future behavior.
However, when a person feels shame, the feeling is more global in that the focus is
on the person. When people feels that they are bad as a person, there is little room to
change or make amends but when a person feels that his or her behaviour has gone
astray, they also feel the agency to be able to change.
Similar to those who feel shame, those who engage in bullying interactions feel
greater anger in tandem to feeling only a small amount of guilt (Rieffe et al. 2012;
Tangney and Dearing 2002). Given past research on the relationship of aggression
(similar to bullying), shame, and guilt, one can hypothesize that:
H1: Bullying will be negatively related to guilt.
H2: Bullying will be positively related to shame.

10.2.3 Cross-Cultural Differences in Shame, Guilt,

and Bullying

China is a prototypic example of a collectivistic culture (Hofstede and Hofstede

2001; Jackson and Wang 2013). Eastern Chinese values include communication
patterns that are embedded in the historical and religious foundations of
Confucianism (Fu et al. 2007).
Confucian cultures conceptualize family as the “great self” (da wo), and the
boundaries of the self are flexible enough to include family members and significant
228 R.S. Merkin

others (Bedford and Hwang 2003). It is this great self that an individual is obligated
to protect against any threat from the outside, in contrast to the individualistic
concept of self. Chinese identity, like other collectivistic identities, is defined in
terms of the system of relationships in which a person is involved (Markus and
Kitayama 1991; Triandis et al. 1988). As a result, other personal relations may be
treated as part of the self, and an individuals’ collectivistic self is confirmed only
through interpersonal relationships (Bedford and Hwang 2003; Kwan et al. 1997).
Being a member of a group necessitates being held in esteem by that group, which
in turn, means that certain demands are made on one, and in exchange, one is
entitled to make certain claims on others in the group (Bedford and Hwang 2003).
In fact, collectivists have a tacit understanding that throughout people’s lifetime
group-members are required to continue protecting each other in exchange for
unquestioning loyalty (Hofstede and Hofstede 2001). For example, because of the
interconnectedness with their family unit, people from collectivistic Spain
(Hofstede and Hofstede 2001) have been shown to get more upset with being
shamed in public because it diminishes their family honor in contrasted with the
individualistic Dutch, who are more likely to be upset because public shame
indicates something is internally wrong personally (Mosquera et al. 2000). These
interconnected relational expectations are what confer value on the collectivistic
individual, so if the standing as a group member is lost, the person’s status is also
lost. Thus, collectivistic personal identity is dependent on continued dealings with
their group (Bedford and Hwang 2003).
Consistent with the subjective moral prescriptions associated with Chinese
culture, people are expected to perform according to the behavioral codes that
define their relationships. Suitable behavior, therefore, varies with each circum-
stance, depending on the different relationships involved. Thus, right and wrong are
socially defined. This relational identity also makes it difficult to confer guilt in the
objective sense as Westerners conceptualize it (Bedford and Hwang 2003) because
the boundaries of a collectivistic person’s identity extends beyond the individual to
the person’s relationships. Given this conceptualization, if one can identify an
individual who perpetrated bullying, the responsibility for the behavior encom-
passes the group as will the consequences. For example, if an employee does
something wrong, then that person’s boss will be held responsible for not training
their employee better. The boss will suffer socially for the employee’s misbehavior.
Additionally, the collectivistic principle of respecting superiors in a hierarchy
results in the relationships among the actors determining what is the most appro-
priate course of action for a given situation. Similarly, shame in collectivistic Japan
involves the fear of bringing denigration on one’s family as opposed to the US
concept of shame encompassing the images of a belittled self in the face of others
(Thonney et al. 2006). Moreover, additional findings show that the more
shame-prone Japanese have a greater likelihood to feel anger than the less
shame-prone Europeans (Ramírez et al. 2001). Thus, relational identity is essen-
tially connected to the use of shame and situational morality as a form of social
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 229

control. It is not similarly compatible with the use of objective morality such as
guilt (Bedford and Hwang 2003).
Bedford and Hwang (2003) point out that the duty-based morality in Confucian
cultures incorporates shame to ensure conformity to the group. In this sense, shame
is considered to be a highly valued emotion in Confucian cultures. Moreover, due to
the overarching connectedness in Confucian societies, it is expected that the
experience of shameful feelings would last for a longer period of time when
compared with Westerners (Cardon 2006).
According to Mak et al. (2015), Confucian cultures such as the Chinese, have
comparable shame and guilt emotions to Western cultures but experience these
emotions as self-evaluation or self-punishment in the event of transgressions in
response to face-threats. More specifically, in Confucian cultures shame is caused
by disapproval or criticism from others for not meeting society’s standards whereas
guilt is a response to social-norm violations (guilt).
Thus, guilt is a reaction to violating internalized social norms (Mak et al. 2015).
As Bedford (2004) points out, guilt is felt regardless of one’s capabilities to fulfill
moral obligations, which, given the strong interpersonal bonding in Confucian
China, includes duties to one’s family (Bedford 2004) and obligations of reciprocity
(Yang and Kleinman 2008). When a person fails to fulfill these moral obligations,
s/he feels guilty not only for her/his own personal failure but also for the possibility
of having damaged her/his family’s reputation. Given the close connection between
face concern and moral emotions, it is possible that moral emotions act as a
mediating mechanism that links face concern with self-stigma. Consequently,
experiencing guilt results in an acceptance of responsibility for enacting beneficial
behavior.
For example, similar to US findings, in a cross-cultural study between Koreans,
Japanese and US Americans, guilt-proneness was associated with a tendency to
take responsibility for failures and transgressions (Furukawa et al. 2012). On the
other hand, in all three cultures, shame-proneness was positively correlated with
aggression-relevant constructs indicating that unacknowledged shame is associated
with anger (Tangney et al. 1992). Further research conducted in collectivistic
mainland China showed that shame proneness may be a problem for modern-day
intimate relationships (Johnson et al. 2015). More specifically, shame proneness
was found to be indirectly associated with lower relationship satisfaction for male
and female partners and directly associated with more insecure attachment
(showing more maladaptive anxiety and avoidance) towards one’s intimate partner
and less adaptive interactions (e.g., constructive problem solving).
This finding is relevant to bullying because insecure attachment has been shown
to be connected to bullying as well (Eliot and Cornell 2009). So that if being prone
to shame is related to insecure attachment, this could also indicate a greater like-
lihood that bullying behavior would be carried out by shame-prone collectivistic
cultural members. For example, research has shown that in Japan (a shame-prone
culture) employees reported being bullied twice as much as employees of other
countries (Giorgi et al. 2013).
230 R.S. Merkin

To further investigate the role of culture in collectivistic experiences of guilt and

shame, in a phenomenological study, Bedford (2004) found that the collectivistic
Chinese experience of guilt is similar to that of individualistic Americans, in the
sense that guilt is aroused in cases of moral transgression in both cultures. Indeed,
Bedford (2004) points out that three types of guilt can be differentiated in the
Mandarin language, which do not exist in English. These three different types are
the guilt felt in the case of failure to uphold an obligation to another (nei jiu), in the
case of moral transgression (zui e gan), and of the transgression of law (fan zui
gan). Consequently, Bedford argues that the guilt feeling originating from a failure
to fulfill a responsibility to another (nei jiu) is different from the Western sense of
guilt in the sense that it involves a responsibility towards others. For example, when
patients request from a traditional doctor, who does not have the certificate to do
surgery, to perform a medical operation, the doctor feels nei jiu guilt, because he is
incapable of doing this (Bedford 2004). One can conclude from this evidence that
collectivistic guilt is present but has a more group-oriented character in keeping
with their more interconnected group-oriented identity. Findings have also shown a
high-level of group-oriented guilt in collectivistic South Korea, indicating that
collectivism interacts with the notion of guilt (Furukawa et al. 2012).
Accordingly, the more the self is defined in terms of a group, the more likely that
group referencing and shame in the context of the group will be a strong influence
on the self-concept.
Interconnectedness makes shame a powerful socializing force because as
Retzinger (1991) suggests, when the self becomes alienated from significant others,
shame acts as a thermometer. Yet, when shame is unacknowledged it becomes
exceptionally difficult to monitor the self in relation to others and often leads to
dysfunctional behavior such as intense conflict. Culture tends to determine the
extent to which individuals need togetherness as opposed to separateness. Thus,
those from Japanese culture lean more towards engulfment while US Americans
lean towards isolation (Retzinger 1991).
According to Lebra (2010), shame and guilt are both anchored in the individ-
ual’s self, but also reflect concern with others. Lebra explains that both shame and
guilt are important moral sanctions for collectivistic Japanese, but guilt has a rel-
ative priority over shame possibly because its ultimate moral value is associated
with self-denial, a Confucian ideal. Shame, involves an egocentric concern for
self-image. The egocentricity entailed in shame arouses a degree of ambivalence in
Japanese to admit feeling shame; whereas guilt admission involves no such
ambivalence. Moreover, egocentric reasoning has been shown to be associated with
bullying as well (Menesini and Camodeca 2008). Guilt, on the other hand, is
anchored more firmly than shame in the Japanese moral system, therefore, in Japan,
shame is often translated into guilt terms (Lebra 2010). This notion is consistent
with US notions of shame and guilt in that shame often goes unacknowledged and
is enacted dysfunctionally—possibly through bullying—while guilt is less
ambiguous hence requires more clear action.
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 231

10.3 Empathy, Detachment, Externalization

of Blame, and Bullying

In the previous section, it was illustrated that given the similarities between those
who experience unacknowledged shame and those who bully, it is likely that bullies
are likely to be in a state of unacknowledged shame. Expanding upon this line of
reasoning, other relationships between shame and bullying will be explored. In
particular, the relationship of shame to empathy, detachment, and externalization of
blame will be examined to see if they are related to bullying as well, to show the
even greater similarity between the experience of shame and bullying, indicating
that bullies are also experiencing shame.

10.3.1 Empathy/Detachment and Bullying

Below the relationship will be explored between shame, bullying and detachment.
Shame-proneness is responsible for negative communication because findings
consistently show that shame is positively correlated with anger arousal, suspi-
ciousness, resentment, irritability, a tendency to blame others for negative events,
and indirect expressions of hostility (Tangney et al. 1992). In fact, evidence indi-
cates that bullies also use indirect aggression while justifying their behavior through
externalizing blame, and justifying their behavior to themselves as acceptable
(Marini et al. 2006; Zapf et al. 2011). Findings also indicate that bullies often use
indirect tactics partly because they tend to be more disposed to Machiavellianism,
and narcissism (Baughman et al. 2012) which have been shown to be related to
empathy deficits (Jonason and Kroll 2015).
In contrast, the prosocial psychological trait of empathy was shown to decrease
the likelihood that a person would engage in bullying and vice versa (Ayala et al.
2014). This may be because studies generally indicate that prosocial behavior is
related to empathy (Telle and Pfister 2012). While shame has been shown to be
related to anti-social behavior, the proneness to “shame-free” guilt, was shown to be
inversely related to externalization of blame and some indices of anger, hostility,
and resentment (Tangney et al. 1992). Thus, shame appears to relate to anti-social
and possibly bullying behavior, while guilt is more likely to be related to
engagement, empathy, and prosocial behavior.
In fact, there is a relationship between moral disengagement and aggressive
behavior, which is mediated by reduced feelings of guilt (Bandura et al. 1996).
Findings further indicate that while guilt is related to empathy, shame is related to a
lack of empathy (Tangney and Dearing 2002). A person’s level of empathy
determines whether or not he or she chooses to enact prosocial or anti-social
communication (Sakurai et al. 2011; Sze et al. 2011). For example, findings show
that people who are most empathic exhibit more helping behaviors (Pavey et al.
2012) and use more prosocial communication than those who are least empathic
232 R.S. Merkin

(Sakurai et al. 2011). What’s more, people who lack empathic responsiveness
toward others have been consistently identified as more likely to engage in
aggressive behavior and in some cases, violent crime (Day et al. 2012; Stanger et al.
2012). Furthermore, a lack of affective empathy has been shown to lead to more
frequent, as opposed to occasional, bullying of others (Jolliffe and Farrington
2006). Similarly, research shows that bullies possess moral disengagement mech-
anisms (Gini 2006) and low levels of empathic responsiveness (Gini et al. 2011).
Consequently, Randall (1997) asserts that bullies, in general, fail to understand the
feelings of others. Moreover, because bullies lack empathic skills (Shaw 2012),
their aggressive behavior recurs due to their detachment (unconcern) towards their
victim. In support of this claim, findings have suggested that if a target displays
pain, this only strengthens the bullies’ behavior even more (Davis 1994). Given
studies with adolescent bullying as indicated above, the following hypothesis is
posed:
H3: Bullying will be positively related to detachment.

10.3.2 Cross-Cultural Differences in Empathy/Detachment

and Bullying

For the most part, cross-cultural research across the three cities in Europe (in Italy
and Spain) has shown that bullies, as compared to victims and outsiders, demon-
strate higher levels of disengagement emotions and motives and exhibit egocentric
reasoning (Menesini et al. 2003). This finding was corroborated in Japan, a society
where detachment is promoted (Giorgi et al. 2013) and in Sweden where bullying is
more rampant among “morally disengaged” students (Thornberg 2010). Findings
also showed that in southern Italy, where bullying and violence are more wide-
spread and supported by societal beliefs (evidenced by crime statistics indicating
higher percentages of violent offences and organized crime), participants use more
justifications and have higher levels of disengagement than in Spain. Recorded
justifications revealed that bullies have a profile of egocentric reasoning that is
particularly evident when they justify attribution of disengagement to self in the role
of the bully. These findings support the notion that bullying is accompanied by
moral disengagement, a correlate of shame. Additionally, cultural-specific envi-
ronments appear to augment moral disengagement reactions to bullying.
In contrast to disengagement, empathy is important because its consequences are
compassionate behavior towards others, moral agency, and ethical behavior (Harris
2007). On the one hand, there is evidence that indicates that collectivism (Asian) is
correlated with empathy (Heinke and Louis 2009). For example, a study of servant
leadership showed that dimensions of empathy and humility were more strongly
endorsed in Asian cultures than European cultures (Mittal and Dorfman 2012). On
the other hand, a study comparing Thai (collectivistic) and American
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 233

(individualistic) counsellor trainees found that American trainees showed greater

empathy than Thai trainees (Kaelber and Schwartz 2014). Perhaps this can be
explained by definitional differences in the literature. For instance, Realo and Luik
(2002) found that collectivism was correlated positively with dispositional intel-
lectual empathy and empathic emotion and that individualism predicted intellectual
empathy. However, Duan et al. (2008) advance this argument further by demon-
strating that empathic dispositions are more consistent with collectivistic values
than with individualistic values. They posit that collectivistic values orient indi-
viduals towards empathizing with others both intellectually and emotionally by
focusing the individual on the needs and interests of others, which is an integral and
essential part of any empathy process. On the other hand, individualism, which
focuses on the self or ego, competes with the individual’s readiness for empathy by
orienting his/her attention away from what others may feel or think. However,
future studies are needed to test this notion. In short, extant literature on empathy as
reported on above, is still evolving. Cross-cultural findings, as indicated do appear
to lie in the same direction as US studies indicating that shame is likely to be
correlated with bullying, an example of a hostile action, which would likely be
positively correlated with feelings of detachment.

10.3.3 Externalization of Blame and Bullying

Scheff and Retzinger (2001) point out that shame and alienation are aspects of the
same reality in that shame is the emotional aspect of relational alienation. For
example, when a person feels shame, s/he disengages with others. This disen-
gagement leads to alienation. Given that a connection to others is the normal state
of affairs, those who are not connected to others when communicating, as in the
case of lacking empathy, are practicing dysfunctional communication. Other dys-
functional anti-social characteristics associated with shame in addition to detach-
ment include blaming others and denying responsibility for one’s actions (Scheff
and Retzinger 2001), that is externalization of blame (Tangney 1991).
The externalization of blame involves attributing the cause of one’s own
anti-social communication to external sources or to another person (Tangney and
Dearing 2002). Tangney et al. (1992), reported a consistently positive relationship
between proneness to shame and a tendency to externalize blame. In other words,
those who feel shame tend to not take responsibility for their behavior and tend to
blame others for their negative actions. Although the externalization of blame may
act to improve the pain of shame temporarily, it can either lead to subsequent
withdrawal from the blamed person or to an escalation of an antagonistic, humil-
iated rage (Lewis 1971; Scheff 1987) because having to acknowledge or take
responsibility for an action that causes shame is humiliating.
234 R.S. Merkin

In the case of bullying interactions, the bully’s attribution of blame is often made
to the target of bullying and is enacted via scapegoating the target (Jackson et al.
2009; Rothschild et al. 2012). In fact, a study of school children indicated that
bullies are more likely to blame their victims than are children assuming other roles
(Hara 2002). Further research demonstrates that there is a positive connection
between shame-proneness, anger, hostility, and externalization of blame (Bennett
et al. 2005; Hoglund and Nicholas 1995; Tangney et al. 1992, 1996). Given evi-
dence from previous research with children and the relationships indicated by
previous research, it is likely that adult bullying is related to the externalization of
blame. Thus,
H4: Bullying will be positively related to the externalization of blame.

10.3.4 Cross-Cultural Differences in Externalization

of Blame and Bullying

Cross-cultural evidence suggests that shame is associated with externalizing con-

sequences to a lesser extent than among individualistic American samples than to
collectivistic Asian samples (Sheikh 2014). Actually, Retzinger (1991) explains that
when one is in an unacknowledged state of shame, it is almost impossible to take
personal and social responsibility. A seeming example of this is how children in
Sweden (an individualistic culture) who were desensitized to bullying believed it
was a normal consequence of various victim behaviors (Thornberg 2010). When
participating in bullying, the Swedish children involved transferred the responsi-
bility and blamed others due to the psychological distance they created between
themselves and their victims (Thornberg 2007). Research carried out with collec-
tivistic Japanese children also supported the idea that bullies feel justified in their
actions because they do not take responsibility for the damage they are inflicting on
their victims by engaging in “denial of victims” and “denial of injury” (Hara 2002).
Results of Hara’s (2002) study suggest that justification for bullying in Japan may
be related to the importance placed on group goals, signifying that the abuse is
considered to be for the greater good and therefore acceptable and even right.
While shame-proneness positively predicted externalization of blame among
Japanese children, it did not predict anger-proneness as in the case of American
children who also showed anger-proneness (Tangney et al. 1992). This may be due
to their collectivistic values of harmony that cause them to feel an interconnect-
edness to their group which expressing anger could potentially thwart. In fact,
Sheikh (2014) points out that collectivistic Japanese children show a greater sense
of responsibility for their behavior than individualists, as demonstrated by their
being more prone to experience shame and guilt and less likely to externalize blame
overall. Failure to meet the expectations of significant others not only reflects
unfitting social abilities, eliciting behavior-specific feelings of guilt, but is also
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 235

considered to be disrespectful to the Japanese moral identity, producing more

persistent feelings of shame about one’s sense of self (and deficiencies of social
skills). This is the way in which shame and guilt act as internalized sanctions
against communally and ethically inappropriate conduct, inspiring individuals to act
consistently within their cultural value system, so as to avoid intense shame or guilt
(Kitayama et al. 1997).
In a cross-cultural comparison among Japanese, Korean, and American children
(Furukawa et al. 2012), shame-proneness was positively correlated with
aggression-relevant constructs in all cultures. On the other hand, guilt-proneness
was associated with a tendency to take responsibility for failures and transgressions.
In contrast, Bear et al. (2009) found that shame predicted aggression among the
American children, as reported by classroom teachers, but not among the Japanese
or the Korean children. Finally, a study comparing Japanese with Turkish adults
responding to shame found that the collectivistic Japanese, who were more attuned
to relationships maintenance and face responded with shame without anger, while
the collectivistic Turkish respondents, who were more attuned to honor—regardless
of relationship concerns—experienced shame and anger implying that honor needs,
which are more externally focused, mediates the relationship between shame and
anger.
The three studies cited above which investigated the relationship between shame
and externalizing consequences across “non-Western” cultures found less anger and
aggression as a function of shame. It is possible that results reflect the positive
connotations of shame prevalent in collectivist cultures as well as the negative
connotations of anger as destructive to interpersonal relationships—and although
individualistic cultures also sometimes hold anger in a negative light, they do so to
a much lesser extent than those from collectivistic cultures (Sheikh 2014). Thus, the
finding of less anger may be due to shame’s positive role in social harmony and
anger’s potential to disrupt harmony and damage interpersonal relationships
(Sheikh 2014). Thus, the interdependent Japanese are explicitly educated to manage
their negative emotions (e.g., frustration or anger) in order to maintain group
harmony (Giorgi et al. 2013).
It appears that bullying tends to be positively related to the externalization of
blame in most cultures despite some dissent. Overall, the findings linking shame to
expressing consequences such as anger and violence have been found primarily in
individualistic cultures (e.g., North America), whereas those linking shame to
restorative consequences have been found primarily in collectivist cultures (Sheikh
2014). However, research suggests that shame is related to withdrawal propensities
across nations. Although the current state of the literature has limitations that
preclude definitive conclusions about the relationship between culture and shame’s
consequences, there is some support for a resource orientation where shame acts to
restore interpersonal relationships through a focus on interdependent harmony in
repairing the harm one has caused. This focus became apparent when studies
conducted with collectivistic cultures presented results indicating that anger is
unacceptable to those from interdependent cultures because of their focus on
236 R.S. Merkin

harmony. The method and results testing the US sample reported on in this chapter
follow.

10.4 Method

10.4.1 Participants

A sample of 193 employed adults filled out questionnaires through Amazon’s

Mechanical Turk service which generates samples comparable to mainstream
academic methodologies (Buhrmester et al. 2011). Participants included 74 males
and 118 females who were aged 18–66 (M = 28; SD = 9.3).

10.4.2 Instrumentation

Bullying was measured by providing a scenario prodding respondents to act as if

they were bullying someone. Specifically, respondents were asked,
Has there ever been someone who just bothered you in your life? Keeping this person in
mind, please answer to what extent you have engaged in the following behaviors at work
towards this person (if appropriate to the example).

Then, the revised Negative Acts Questionnaire (NAQ; Einarsen and Raknes
1997; Einarsen et al. 2009), the most widely used scale to identify victims of
bullying, was presented as the response items (a = 0.97). Respondents employed a
10-point response scale to NAQ questionnaire items (Never = 1; Always = 10).
Given that there is no widely used measure to assess bullies, using the NAQ
questions as response items enabled the inclusion of the entire universe of possible
bullying attempts in a propensity to bully measure. In particular, this study oper-
ationalized those with a propensity to employ bullying, to score high on carrying
out bullying behaviors already identified in previous research.
Since there is little agreement on how to measure characteristics of bullies,
following the suggestion that multiple approaches offer a useful way for researchers
to assess bullying in organizations (Cowie et al. 2002), a control measure was also
used to correlate with the NAQ results. In particular, to assure that the scenario
chosen had effectively measured bullies, not victims, an additional question was
added: “Have you ever been harassed in the past six months?”
Shame, Guilt, Detachment, and Externalization of Blame were measured using
the TOSCA-3 (Tangney and Dearing 2002), a self-report measure that consists of a
series of 11 negative and five positive scenarios, with each of the effects assessed by
four or five responses. Each item of the TOSCA-3 was rated on a 5-point scale
(1 = not likely, 5 = very likely). The alpha reliability for shame was 0.79, guilt was
0.82, detachment was 0.69; and externalization of blame was 0.80. The respondents
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 237

were first presented with an inventory scenario, for example, “You break something
at work and then hide it.” Followed by a. You would think, “This is making me
anxious. I need to either fix it or get someone else to do it.”; b. You would think
about quitting; c. You would think, “A lot of things aren’t made very well these
days”; d. You would think, “It was only an accident”. Each item measured shame,
guilt, detachment, or externalization of blame.

10.4.3 Results

Results of this study indicated that using the provided scenario together with the
NAQ captured the construct of perpetrating bullying because the NAQ was sig-
nificantly negatively related to the control question about being a target of bullying
(r(134) = −0.30; p = 0.05). In addition, correlations for H1–H4 were significantly
correlated as hypothesized. Bullying was negatively related to guilt (r
(191) = −0.20, p < 0.006); positively related to shame (r(191) = 0.39, p < 0.01);
positively related to detachment (r(191) = 0.31, p < 0.0001); and positively related
to externalization of blame (r(191) = 0.61, p < 0.0001). See Table 10.1 for corre-
lations between bullying and the personality variables of shame, guilt, detachment,
and externalization of blame.

10.4.4 Discussion

Research stresses the need for greater understanding of workplace bullying, a

problem that impacts approximately half of employed adults and has devastating
results on employee well-being and organizational productivity (Lutgen-Sandvik
and Tracy 2012). This study took a closer look at the correlates of shame and
initially tested them on those with a propensity to bully to preliminarily see if
bullies are likely to also be in a state of unacknowledged shame. Then as in the case
of shame, proposed remediation attempts to move those with a bullying personality
type from feelings of shame to guilt.

Table 10.1 Correlations between bullying and personality variables

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
1. Shame 1
2. Detached 0.37** 1
3. Guilt 0.13 0.14 1
4. Blame 0.54 0.58** −0.13 1
5. Bullying 0.39** 0.30**** −0.20** 0.61**** 1
*P < 0.05; **P < 0.01; ***P < 0.001; ****P < 0.000
238 R.S. Merkin

Past research on bullying has mainly focused primarily on the damage done to
victims as well as on solutions designed to prevent bullying, without much dis-
cussion on the perpetrators’ characteristics (Zapf and Einarsen 2011) or the specific
personality types of those with a propensity to bully others (Rayner et al. 2002;
Rayner and Keashly 2005). Filling this gap of knowledge, as results supporting H1
show, those who are prone to enact bullying are also likely to have experienced
shame themselves. What is more, as support for H2 indicates, bullies also do not
tend to experience guilt, which means that they are unlikely to feel responsible for
their behavior (Stuewig et al. 2010). Concomitant with their state of shame, bullies
also tend to be deficient in the ability to feel empathy, as demonstrated by support
for H3, which states that bullying is positively related to detachment. After all,
bullies might think that if they were unfairly shamed, why should other people
enjoy the benefit of the doubt that Concomitant with their state of shame, bullies
also tend to be deficient in the ability to feel empathy, as support for H3, that
bullying is positively related to detachment demonstrates. After all, bullies might
think that if they were unfairly shamed, why should other people enjoy the benefit
of the doubt that empathy might provide? Besides not feeling responsibility for their
behavior, as support for H4 shows, bullying is also positively related to the
externalization of blame—meaning that they find outside empathy might provide?
Besides not feeling responsibility for their behavior, as support for H4 shows,
bullying is also positively related to the externalization of blame—indicating that
bullies find outside antagonists to blame for their failures instead of taking personal
responsibility for their actions. These results apply to individualistic cultures, such
as the US, where the self of each person is separate from society or the family
group. On the other hand, people from collectivistic cultures tend to have more
interdependent selves, where the self is viewed as inter-reliant with the surrounding
context, and individual experiences are manifestations of group experiences
(Marcus and Kitayama 1991, Kitayama et al. 1997). The bullying profile portrayed
by this study’s results highlight the downside of shame which has been charac-
terized as a strong negative feeling in both American and Japanese cultures
(Sznycer et al. 2012). The changes that result from feelings of shame have been
proven to be both maladaptive and anti-social, explaining its positive relationship to
bullying. Guilt has also been shown to motivate change, albeit with constructive
results. More specifically, guilt has been proven to be negatively related to bullying
and positively correlated to self-work. It is therefore sensible to conclude that
replacing shame with guilt, an emotion leading to acceptance of responsibility, can
result in heightened prosocial behaviors. This is corroborated by previous research
showing that those who experience shame experience more maladjustment
(Tangney et al. 1991), personal distress, and impaired interpersonal relationships in
contrast to those who experience guilt (Leith and Baumeister 1998).
On the one hand, the results tested here apply to individualistic cultures such as
the US where the self-identity of each person is separate from society or the family
group. On the other hand, people from collectivistic cultures tend to have more
interdependent selves where the self is viewed as inter-reliant within the sur-
rounding context, and it is the group that is focal point in individual experiences
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 239

(Marcus and Kitayama 1991, 1997). Given these two diverging perspectives, the
way people of different cultures experience and react to shame is inevitably
different.
Retzinger (1991) points out that shame, a breakdown of the social bond which
regulates conformity in a society (Scheff 1995), can be used to stigmatize or
integrate depending on the culture. More specifically, Braithwaite (1998) showed
how shame can effect stigmatization or integration in her study with Japanese
white-collar criminals who were rehabilitated using shame to integrate (Retzinger
1991). However, this process is culture-specific, yielding successful results when
combined with the collectivistic Japanese need for interconnectedness (Marcus and
Kitayama 1991; Riemer et al. 2014). Other studies indicated that interconnectedness
was responsible for Japanese employees feeling that justice was achieved only
when they saw conflicts were resolved in a group-oriented manner, relatively
independent of personal interests (Ohbuchi et al. 2001). Finally, interconnectedness
can act as a catalyst for restorative consequences primarily in collectivist cultures
(Sheikh 2014); even though robust evidence suggests that shame is related to
withdrawal propensities across nations.
Although the current state of the literature has limitations that preclude definitive
conclusions about the relationship between culture and shame’s consequences,
there is some support for a resource orientation where shame acts to restore
interpersonal relationships through a focus on interdependent harmony in repairing
the harm one has caused as in the case of bullying, for example. This focus became
apparent when studies conducted with collectivistic cultures, indicated that anger is
unacceptable to those from interdependent cultures because of the value they place
on group harmony.

10.4.5 Implications and Future Research

The results of this study move bullying research forward by emphasizing that
shame is likely to play a central role in the behavior enacted by bullies. The findings
of this study concur with research showing that guilt improves relationship out-
comes and perspective taking (Leith and Baumeister 1998). This is partly because
feeling guilt by definition is a result of the perpetrator accepting responsibility for
his or her behavior and realizing that bullying is wrong (Stuewig et al. 2010). If
leaders who have a higher status than those with a propensity to bully are able to
require them to accept responsibility for their behavior, then the acceptance of guilt
could lead to greater perspective-taking followed by improved relationship out-
comes (Leith and Baumeister 1998).
To practically address this concept, those with the ability to approach bullying
perpetrators, such as a superior in the organizational hierarchy or a parent, may take
action by insisting that the perpetrator focus on rectifying the wrongdoings by
discovering the cause of the maladaptive behavior and accepting responsibility for
past actions. In addition, it is essential that authorities insist on perpetrators
240 R.S. Merkin

committing to right actions as a new way of functioning while concurrently taking

serious measures to correct past wrongdoings. In the US and likely similar indi-
vidualistic cultures, inspiring guilt appears to be a strategic asset for those with
authority over bullying perpetrators. In collectivistic cultures such as Japan,
research indicates that those who have the authority to manage bullying perpetrators
should test out identity management strategies focusing on methods of harmo-
niously interconnecting with group norms to improve bullying situations.
It is also necessary for employers to address the shame that is at the heart of the
toxicity emanating from bullies by directing the offenders to those in a position to
help them, such as a therapist. Indeed, findings indicate that resolving shame issues
are pivotal in therapeutic relationships because the healing of shame is often the key
to transformational change (Lee and Wheeler 1996). Therefore, if those in positions
of authority maintain that perpetrators of bullying must carry out remedial actions
as described above, it could be possible to address the issue of bullying more
constructively.
One of most fundamental skills in human social behavior is the ability to
experience empathy for the difficulties experienced by our fellow human beings
(Rameson et al. 2012). In contrast to those who feel guilt and the resulting emotion
of empathy (Ghorbani et al. 2014), those with a propensity to bully others tend to
feel detachment and to externalize blame. Thus, those with a propensity to bully
others tend to have little interest in taking responsibility for their actions, as is
evidenced by the low guilt content found in bullies. What’s more, those with a
propensity to bully are detached from the consequences of their actions (the pain
they are causing others), which enables them to continue the process by blaming
their victims. These findings were apparent in both individualistic and collectivistic
cultures (Jackson et al. 2009; Rothschild et al. 2012; Thornberg 2007). Blaming and
belittling is most likely to be addressed successfully by strong managers who,
without the disruption of social bonds, can insist that the bullies acknowledge their
feelings of shame and take responsibility for their behavior instead of displacing
shame by blaming others (or use shame to propel harmony for those from cultures
so inclined). Future research is necessary to test different managerial tactics to see
what approaches are most successful in effecting a change in bullying behaviour.
In addition to taking responsibility for one’s actions, researchers indicate that the
reparation of harm begins with the development of the emotion of guilt and the
de-escalation of the emotion of shame (Herbst 2005; Jackson et al. 2009; Tangney
et al. 1992; Weizmann-Henelius et al. 2002). Future research is needed to see
whether it is possible to develop emotions of guilt in offenders, so that they may
become more empathetic, more likely to accept responsibility for their organiza-
tional and social offenses, and less likely to blame their victims (Herbst 2005;
Jackson et al. 2009, 2011; Stuewig et al. 2010; Tangney et al. 1992;
Weizmann-Henelius et al. 2002). One study showed that marked desistance from
school bullying was possible when identified bullies went through a process of
shame acknowledgment that led to less shame displacement such as blaming the
victim (Ahmed and Braithwaite 2012). Therefore, future research is needed to test
different methods of working through and acknowledging of shame, especially
10 From Shame to Guilt: The Remediation of Bullying Across … 241

geared towards bullying perpetrators in the workplace—to see if this course of

action provides a possible alternative in managing adult workplace bullying
interactions. In addition to targeted observations of perpetrators dealing with shame,
future research employing different methodologies testing the same propositions set
forth in this study would add further support for the conclusions found here.

10.4.6 Limitations

The use of quantitative questionnaires allows researchers to test reliability and

validity empirically, but does not allow for follow-up questions to probe deeper into
the thoughts of bullying perpetrators. What’s more, it is not possible, using a
rating-scale approach, to identify directly, who actual bullying perpetrators are.
Even if such individuals were identified, it is unlikely that known groups of bullies
would agree to be measured as such. Therefore, the indirect measurement method
conducted for this study acts as an experimental beginning to be followed up with
more direct methodology in the future. For example, future research using quali-
tative interviews could be used to delve deeper into the psyche of consenting
bullying perpetrators. If possible, observations could be carried out to see if bullies
behave in coordination with the findings in this study in a naturalistic setting.
Finally, if known perpetrators could be identified (perhaps by human resources
departments) interviews could be employed to replicate and follow up on the
findings of this study in conjunction with managerial demands.
Another limitation of this study was the use of a self-report instrument.
Self-report measures in some cases could be problematic. Cook and Campbell
(1979) have pointed out that sometimes subjects either report what they believe the
researcher expects to see, or report what reflects well on their own abilities or
knowledge. Another concern about self-reports is whether subjects are able to
accurately recall their past behaviors. Cognitive psychologists have also warned
that the human memory is imperfect (Schacter 1999). Thus, respondents may not
remember the details of what they are asked to report on.
On the other hand, a series of construct validity studies show that global
self-reports have validity (e.g., Lucas et al. 1996; Sandvik et al. 1993). It is also
possible to replicate and extend the findings of this study with multiple method-
ologies to further validate the results.

10.5 Conclusion

Despite these limitations, this chapter proposes the notion that bullies have a
shamed past and, therefore, respond similarly to how the literature says those who
have unacknowledged shame behave—in an anti-social manner—with a lack of
empathy and a refusal to accept responsibility for their actions. However, if
242 R.S. Merkin

members of individualistic cultures focus on guilt and its corresponding acceptance

of responsibility and if members of collectivistic cultures focus on promoting
interdependent harmonious interactions, this positive orientation would help foster
constructive steps in remediating the issues of shame leading to bullying behaviors.
In turn, the results of this study highlight how shame and shame correlates could be
the central trigger for bullying interactions and could also be the lynchpin in
treating the problem.

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 Part III
The Application of Shame and Culture
in Therapeutic and Counseling Practices
Chapter 11
Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory,
Method and Practice

Mrigaya Sinha

Abstract Shame along with guilt and embarrassment, belongs to a family of

emotions that have been called the self-conscious emotions. These emotions are
known to make us inward focused, however, shame almost always occurs in the
presence of the other or imagined other making us relationally focused. When
appropriately experienced, shame can be a modulator of interpersonal relatedness,
however, if it is denied in oneself or not accessed meaningfully, it can lead to
disconnect in the emotional and relational realm. In psychotherapeutic literature,
there has been a surge in clinical interest in shame and many of the problems of
anxiety have now been reconceptualized as problems of shame. It has been found
correlated with a host of psychiatric disorders like depression, suicidal ideation,
anxiety, eating disorders, PTSD, and substance abuse. An appreciation of mani-
festations of shame in psychotherapy may greatly deepen our ability to connect with
and understand our patients’ experience. This chapter will discuss the relevance of
shame in therapeutic practice, the importance of assessing shame, identification of
verbal and non-verbal markers of shame, role of shame in therapeutic alliance, and
some principles a therapist should follow when treating shame.

11.1 Introduction on Shame: Construct and Relevance

to Psychotherapy

Shame is one of the more complex self-conscious emotions which has recently
achieved a point of great significance within the domains of psychopathology and
psychotherapy (Gilbert and Miles 2000; Lester 1998; Quigley and Tedeschi 1996;
Tangney et al. 1992). Psychotherapy practitioners and researchers now agree that an
appreciation of manifestations of shame in psychotherapeutic practices is impera-
tive to correct understanding and management of many psychological disorders.
The recent emergence of shame in formulations of pathology has generated new

M. Sinha (&)
Staunton Clinic, Pittsburgh, PA, USA
e-mail: [email protected]

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 251

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_11
252 M. Sinha

possibilities for interventions in disorders which up to now were viewed as difficult

to treat (MacBeth and Gumley 2012; Orsillo 2005).
This chapter will provide a glimpse of different dimensions of shame-proneness,
it’s relevance in some common psychological disorders and the new-wave therapies
which have found significance in treating problematic shame. While the most
emergent theoretical models of shame are from Western psychology, it is recog-
nized that this may not be the only model nor the only mode of intervention with
shame. The last section in the chapter will briefly speak about the implications
alternate ways of approaching shame and its relevance to psychotherapy.

11.2 Dimensions of Shame

Shame and guilt were used almost synonymously till their cognitive, affective and
motivational dimensions were teased apart (Lewis 1971; Tangney et al. 1996).
Lewis (1971) whose work was pivotal in distinguishing guilt and shame posited
that guilt occurs when a person attributes a negative outcome to a specific behavior
or transgression whereas shame occurs when the negative outcomes are attributed
to the entire self. If the voice of guilt uttered, “I did wrong”, the voice of shame
shouted, “I am wrong”. The cognitive-attribution model considers shame to be a
consequence of global, stable and internal attribution to negative events (Abramson
et al. 1978). In other words those experiencing shame make more internal, global
and stable attributions to negative situations and this attributional conceptualization
of shame is the predominant view held in clinical research and practice of psy-
chology (Lewis 1971; Tangney and Dearing 2002).
Shame is a normal social emotion occurring in the interpersonal matrix and it
directly affects how one connects with the outside world. The developmental and
evolutionary perspective of shame views it as a marker of one’s social desirability
and an alarm to possible loss of social attractiveness (Gilbert et al. 1994). The
perceived loss of social status generates responses like submissiveness in order to
appease the other or induces withdrawal and hiding in an attempt to avoid scrutiny
from others. Therefore, the self can be a reference point both from the inside and
outside while undergoing shame. This assessment of oneself from inside and outside
has led to the distinction between internal and external shame (Gilbert et al. 1994).
In external shame there is anxiety about one’s likability and acceptability resulting
in heightened preoccupation with evaluation from others. The experience of criti-
cism and rejection from others in external shame has shown significant correlation
with depression and anxiety (Gilbert 2000; Kim et al. 2011). The Other as Shamer
Scale (OAS) is a measure of external shame assessing different aspects of what
people are actually concerned with in being judged (Goss et al. 1994). The OAS has
shown significantly high correlations with depression and other mental disorders. In
internal shame the struggle is about living up to one’s own ideals and experiencing a
sense of dejection at having failed to do so (Gilbert et al. 1994; Gilbert 2000). As it
is apparent, both, internal and external shame, are not completely separate entities
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 253

with one affecting the valence of the other, however, they can provide two separate
points for assessment and intervention (Gilbert 2000).
Another approach to the study of shame is from the perspective of state and trait.
De Hooge et al. (2010) uses the term “acute shame” to describe state shame which
is a discrete and circumscribed emotional state. Similar to guilt, it is more focused
on behavior and promotes approach tendencies. In contrast, chronic shame or
shame proneness is akin to a trait where the experience of shame is frequent and
painful and motivates self-protection through hiding and withdrawal. The chronic
or trait approach to shame has led to terms like shame proneness, characterological
or dispositional shame. Kaufman (1989) developed the idea of internalized shame
which described a “shame-bound” personality or “shame-based identity”. Unlike
it’s healthy form, internalized shame is a developmental deficit where repeated
experiences of shaming in childhood leads to a generalized sense of being unworthy
and inferior. These childhood experiences of shaming are believed to induce fears
of evaluation, extreme shyness and lack of trust and hostility in relationships which
then persist into adulthood (Gilbert and Miles 2000). Much of the research literature
on shame and psychopathology takes a trait or deficit approach to shame. There is
research evidence from undergraduate samples and clinical population to suggest
that the self-denigration and withdrawal of shame-proneness is associated with
interpersonal consequences like fear of intimacy and poorer quality of interpersonal
relationship (Black et al. 2013; Lutwak and Ferrari 1997). The Test of Self
Conscious Affect (TOSCA) measures chronic shame (Tangney and Dearing 2002)
by presenting a range of scenarios and asking respondents to rate their anticipated
distress in these situations. Cook’s (1988) Internalized Shame Scale (ISS), addi-
tionally helps to rate the frequency with which particular thoughts or feelings of
shame are experienced. Both these measures of trait shame or shame-proneness
give crucial clinical information about shame and possible points of intervention.
Nathanson (1992) speaks about the “compass of shame”, which outlines the
specific ways in which people deal with shameful experiences. There are four basic
modes which branch into different behaviors and generate various forms of psy-
chopathology. These are withdrawal, isolation, attack on others and attack on self.
Engaging in addictions can be a manifestation of withdrawal from the pain of
shame as is narcissistic pathology with its excessive avoidance of truth about
oneself. Attack on others out of shame can explain rage reactions which is an
attempt to balance power in a relationship. Attack on self due to shame can manifest
in eating disorders where food becomes a way of punishing oneself and in worst
case scenario it may result in suicide (Baumeister 1990).

11.3 Shame and Psychological Disorders

With increased clarity on different dimensions of shame-proneness and the devel-

opment of rating scales for its measure, a significant number of studies have
emerged correlating shame with different psychological disorders. In many ways,
254 M. Sinha

from being an invisible emotion, shame-proneness has emerged as the single, most
important explanation for multiple psychopathology. The negative, global and
stable attribution of shame makes it a key self conscious emotion in disorders like
depression (Gilbert 2000; Gotlib 1984), social anxiety (Lutwak and Ferrari 1997;
Li et al. 2005; Gilbert 2000), post traumatic stress disorder (Sippel and Marshall
2011; Twohig 2008), addictions (Treeby and Bruno 2012; Wiechelt 2007) and
eating disorders (Frank 1991; Gee and Troop 2003). This section will review some
of the psychological disorders in which shame proneness has shown significant
correlation with origin and maintenance of psychopathology. It is not a compre-
hensive review but a summation of significant findings from the perspective of
psychotherapy.

11.3.1 Anxiety Disorders

There are several overlapping features between shame and social anxiety. The fear
of social evaluation and avoidance of social situations which is a hallmark of social
anxiety is also the core experience in shame-proneness. External shame which is an
aspect of shame related to concerns about other’s evaluation of oneself is found to
resonate closely with social anxiety (Gilbert and Miles 2000). When individuals
with social anxiety and extreme shyness have been compared with non anxious
adults, they have shown significantly higher scores on shame measures (Gilbert
2000). In a study examining shame and guilt in anxiety disorders in a clinical
population, symptoms of both social anxiety disorder (SAD) and generalized
anxiety disorder (GAD) shared significant relations with shame-proneness after
controlling for other types of anxiety disorder symptoms, depression symptoms,
and guilt-proneness (Fergus et al. 2010). The relationship of shame proneness with
GAD implies a larger link between shame and worry which is the fundamental
problem in anxiety. In another study, when different aspects of shame like cogni-
tive, bodily and existential shame were examined in various psychiatric disorders, it
was those with SAD who reported significantly higher levels of both cognitive and
bodily shame (Scheel et al. 2014). The heightened bodily shame was a finding of
significance as self-conscious focus on physical appearance can be as consequential
in SAD as the cognitive aspects of shame. In an unpublished doctoral study, Sinha
and Raguram (2011) found self-identified shy young adults to have a significant and
high correlation with shame which was thought to increase their vulnerability to
social anxiety disorder. The indiscriminate use of shaming, comparison and criti-
cality within the family predisposes individuals to chronic shyness, SAD and
avoidant personality (Erwin et al. 2003; Bruch and Heimberg 1994). These par-
enting styles might socialize individuals to unhealthy shame and predispose them to
worries about social evaluation.
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 255

11.3.2 Anger

The pathway from shame to anger is more complex and less intuitive than it’s
relationship with anxiety or depression. Multiple research evidence suggests that
while on one side shame generates an appeasement and withdrawal response,
irrational rage and hostility are the occupants of the other side of shame (Harper and
Arias 2004; Nathanson 1992). Some authors have gone as far as to suggest that all
acts of violence have some form of unattended shame at it’s core and Lewis (1971)
termed shame induced anger as “humiliated fury” (Scheff 2012; Tangney et al.
1992). The shame-anger theory propounds that criticism from others and the
resulting sense of rejection is experienced as painfully shameful, especially for
those with early experience of repeated shaming. The experience of shaming
develops an internal model of self as inferior and inadequate and a belief that they
exist negatively in the minds of others. These early experiences also increase the
propensity to self blame and general psychopathology (Gilbert and Miles 2000).
Moreover, the experience of constant shaming results in the internalization of
parent’s blaming behavior (Bruch and Heimberg 1994). When facing rejection and
shame, the mind instantly seeks whom to blame to overcome the pain of rejection.
There is research evidence to suggest that it is the provocation experienced in
response to felt criticism which results in the anger and not the presence of an angry
temperament (Hejdenberg and Andrews 2011). In a couple of longitudinal studies,
shame proneness was found a risk factor for later deviant behavior (Stuewig et al.
2014) and higher rates of recidivism in contrast to feelings of guilt (Hosser et al.
2007). Scheff (2012) described the phenomenon of the recursive “feeling trap”
which helps to explain the cycles of emotions with relation to anger. He proposed
that emotions can multiply and gather force over time; one can become ashamed
because one is ashamed, or angry because one is ashamed, then ashamed because
one is angry, and so on, gathering increasing force with time, till it results in anger,
depression or self harm.

11.3.3 Depression

The conceptualization of shame has many parallels with the attributional theory of
depression. It is proposed that depressed individuals become shame prone due to
their tendency to make internal, global and stable attributions to negative events
(Abramson et al. 1978). Shame has been found in severe depression through several
other pathways like “moving away” and withdrawal which decreases reinforcing
environmental contingencies, poor social support and self focused ruminations
(Cheung et al. 2004). Depression can also result from the shame experienced with
the perceived discrepancy between the idea and the real self. In a meta-analysis
examining the different facets of shame, external shame was associated
with depressive symptoms and had larger effect sizes when compared to internal
shame (Kim et al. 2011). External shame which relates to preoccupation with the
256 M. Sinha

evaluation of a critical other may be specially active in depression and mark a break
in social bonds. The Other as Shamer Scale (Goss et al. 1994) which is considered a
good measure of external shame has been found strongly associated with different
measures of depression (Allan and Gilbert 1997; Cheung et al. 2004; Cook 1988).
The emptiness factor has predicted depression most robustly out of the other factors
highlighting the sense of isolation while experiencing external shame. In worse
cases, external shame increases the vulnerability to suicidal thoughts and ideations
through its concerns with public condemnation and ridicule.

11.3.4 Alcohol Dependence

Shame contributes to both the origin and maintenance of alcohol dependence

(Dearing et al. 2005; Meehan et al. 1996; O’Connor et al. 1994). Shame has shown
significant correlations with various aspects and stages of alcohol dependence like
continued use, propensity to relapse, stigma related to help seeking and adherence
to treatment. There is a high positive correlation between shame and alcohol use
and dependence in varied populations like students, jail inmates and those seeking
de-addiction treatment (Dearing et al. 2005; Meehan et al. 1996; O’Connor et al.
1994). Shame-proneness can increase alcohol use through its avoidance of painful
emotions (Treeby and Bruno 2012) and self devaluation resulting in self destructive
behavior. In a study with 281 university students, Treeby and Bruno (2012) found
that alcohol was primarily being used to cope with underlying feelings of anxiety
and depression. The stress coping hypothesis has propounded the notion that
drinking is one of the maladaptive ways of coping with stress (Cooper et al. 1995;
Holahan et al. 2001). It is highly likely that those who are shame prone and who
have low self-esteem, anxiety and depression chose to use alcohol to treat these. For
example, a person who feels ashamed because of inadequate sexual functioning
might resort to drinking to cope with his/her feelings of inadequacy. Shame-prone
people have also been associated with a tendency to drink for mood enhancement
(Treeby and Bruno 2012). Those who rely on drinking to enhance mood are
probably poor at mood regulating strategies and more susceptible to getting
dependent on alcohol. The Treeny and Bruno (2012) study also found that
shame-prone people might be drinking for reasons of conformity to avoid
peer-based rejection. Drinking then becomes a way of meeting approval and
acceptance and creating a sense of belonging in those who feel that they are
otherwise not likeable or acceptable.

11.3.5 Trauma

Shame has been linked with early trauma and adult psychopathology in a range of
disorders, from bodily shame, eating disorder to post traumatic stress disorder
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 257

(PTSD) and borderline personality disorder (BPD) (Andrews 1995; Robinaugh and
McNally 2010). The DSM-V has included emotional states of anger, horror, guilt
and shame along with fear in the repertoire of negative emotions which are pre-
dominantly aversive emotion of PTSD. Within PTSD sample, when those with
higher levels of shame have been compared to the low shame group, those with
higher shame exhibited a proneness to engage in self-critical thinking and a lesser
tendency to engage in self reassuring thinking (Olatunji et al. 2009; Resick and
Schnicke 1992; Robinaugh and McNally 2010; Shin et al. 1999; Sippel and
Marshall 2011).
Shame may be a primary emotion which is experienced at the time of abuse and
can also be the ongoing emotion as a result of the reliving and assessment of the
trauma incident. The feelings of powerlessness and humiliation experienced during
the trauma and the feelings of helplessness created by the inability to take action to
defend oneself lay down the grounds for shame-proneness (Andrews et al. 2000).
The interpretations of the traumatic event and the experience of negative affect like
shame during the trauma has been described as the critical link between the
experience of a potentially traumatic event and the development and maintenance
of PTSD (Ehlers and Clark 2000; Andrews and Hunter 1997). The occurrence of a
highly traumatic event in the presence of an intense emotion like shame makes
trauma memory more accessible and vivid (Berntsen and Rubin 2002). Researchers
have found that the more central a traumatic event is to one’s life, the more one
suffers from symptoms of PTSD and depression (Berntsen and Rubin 2002). Early
trauma experiences like abuse create problems of attachment and emotional dys-
regulation especially as they become a part of one’s identity (Pulakos 1996).

11.3.6 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Suicide

BPD is one of the more difficult disorders to treat with the high rates of abuse,
anger, aggression and self-harm. There are many indications that an inability to
cope with the emotions of shame is closely related to the origin and maintenance of
symptoms of BPD (Rizvi and Linehan 2005; Schoenleber and Berenbaum 2012).
BPD patients score higher on shame as compared to control groups and even other
clinical groups on both explicit and implicit shame measures. Arousal of shame in
laboratory conditions has revealed a specific pattern when shame is aroused. Once
aroused it takes longer for the shame to dissipate and the experience of shame is
particularly aversive to the individual. This phenomenon has been labeled as
“shame aversion” and it appears that those with BPD are particularly intolerant to
the experience of shame. Due to shame aversion, anger becomes one of the mal-
adaptive strategies to deflect from the pains of shame (Gratz et al. 2010; Nathanson
1992; Schoenleber and Berenbaum 2012).
Over the years, a clear relationship has emerged between shame-proneness,
suicide attempts, and self-injurious behavior in adult BPD patients (Brodsky et al.
2006; Brown et al. 2009; Rizvi and Linehan 2005; Schoenleber and Berenbaum
258 M. Sinha

2012; Shearer et al. 1988). Research on motivations for non-suicidal self-injury

indicates that the majority of individuals who self-harm do so as a means of
emotion regulation and for borderline clients shame is a hard to cope with emotion
(Klonsky 2007). The second most commonly endorsed motivation is self-
punishment (Klonsky 2007). It has been suggested that individuals with BPD
have learned that they deserve punishment and thus seek to express anger toward
themselves by self-harming (Gratz and Tull 2011; Welch and Linehan 2002).
In a study investigating the factors in a drug overdose, results indicated that the
majority of overdoses occurred in the presence of shame related thoughts and
emotions. The predominant feeling while the overdose occurred was loneliness
and a sense of shame and failure (Bancroft et al. 1976). Baumeister (1990) sug-
gested that suicide may be a way to escape from harsh realities about oneself, a
feeling that they have certain qualities which they cannot change (Rizvi and
Linehan 2005). Tangney and Dearing’s (2002), longitudinal study on shame in
American children in the 5th standard predicted suicide attempts as late as in young
adulthood. Thus, unresolved shame can be a significant predictor for later suicide
attempts.

11.3.7 Eating Disorders (ED)

In Eating Disorders (ED) both shame and guilt are intertwined with different aspects
of the disorder and as well as one’s identity (Frank 1991; Masheb et al. 1999). State
and trait shame is considered high in women who have a history of ED or who
currently have symptoms even after controlling for symptoms of depression
(Gee and Troop 2003; Troop et al. 2008). There have been some findings common
across different diagnoses of eating disorders. They experience high levels of
self-directed hostility, significantly lower levels of self-compassion and
self-criticism is a strong predictor of eating disorder symptoms (Andrews 1995;
Cooper et al. 1998; Doran and Lewis 2012). These women may also strive for a
higher level of perfectionism and in some way restricting food becomes a way of
striving for a better self. A general sense of worthlessness and inferiority and fear of
being abandoned is a common emotion expressed by women with ED (Murray and
Waller 2002; Cooper et al. 1998). When different aspects of shame and eating
disorder were studied, there emerged a clear association between external shame
and anorexia nervosa and internal shame was predictive of bulimia nervosa (Troop
et al. 2008). The specific associations may become significant from the therapeutic
perspective, providing different ways of intervening with this population.
Shame in ED has been studied especially for bodily shame as compared to
general shame. In a retrospective interview study, bodily shame mediated the link
between childhood abuse and adult bulimia (Andrews 1995). Both in clinical and
non-clinical samples, bodily shame appears to be a stronger predictor of ED than
general shame (Burney and Irwin 2000; Doran and Lewis 2012) even though
aspects of shame including bodily characteristics, non-physical characteristics,
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 259

general behavior and behavior around eating are all significantly correlated with
shame. Women with an eating disorder are reported to hide their bodies in various
ways, even in the most intimate relationships. Shame generates a fear of creating
disgust in others and in ED higher levels of shame have also shown an association
with lack of disclosure in therapy (Swan and Andrews 2003).
In all the disorders mentioned above, it is apparent that shame causes a break in
the social matrix and results in disconnection, both within one’s own self and in
relationships. Shame can hide behind different pathological presentations like
alcohol abuse, eating disorder or depression. The quality of the early rearing envi-
ronment and abuse significantly affects how shame gets represented internally as
well as whether one learns to cope with shame adaptively. When emotions of shame
are met with criticality and rejection, it becomes a toxic part of one’s emotional life.

11.4 Shame in Therapeutic Practice

11.4.1 Starting Points in Shame Work

It would be difficult to imagine any client narrative where shame and the pains of
shame experience were not being expressed. Empirical evidence from various
disorders highlights that shame-proneness increases vulnerability to psychological
disorders and makes existing ones more difficult to treat (Parker and Thomas 2009;
Wiechelt 2007). Targeting shame directly is believed to increase effectiveness of
therapy and improve well-being, however, the literature on treatment of shame is
presently evolving and the detection of shame is itself considered challenging. It
would not be wrong to say that shame works in mysterious ways, as it is the natural
tendency of shame to not express itself by its true name. In societies where the
value of shame experience is not explicitly recognized it emerges largely in
the context of depression, addiction or other psychological disorders for which the
client seeks help. The narcissistic grandiose defense against shame is a classic
example of how deeply entrenched shame can become. Recounting stories of
shame makes people re-experience the unpleasantness and pain associated with it
and threaten to overwhelm them (Scheff 2012). Discussing shame is further taken to
imply having done something shameful or committing a moral faux pas and this
creates a fear of being judged and inviting further rejection. Therefore, clients may
constantly anticipate emergence of shame sensitive topics and side step them to
avoid pain and rejection. Parker and Thomas (2009) list a series of helpful differ-
ences between shame and guilt that counselors and therapists need to be cognizant
of when evaluating or treating patients in view of self-conscious emotions. If the
presentation of a problem is focused on a global sense of one’s badness rather than
feeling bad about a specific action, then shame is likely to be the central emotion.
They postulate that this distinction is important diagnostically because a client who
makes a global, shame based judgment of self is developmentally at a different
place as compared to feelings of guilt. Parker and Thomas (2009) also state that the
260 M. Sinha

hyperfocus on one’s own self creates a cognitive and emotional rigidity which
lowers ability to empathize and detracts from problem solving. It creates a short
sightedness towards the possibilities of multiple causalities for a negative outcome.
In contrast, a guilt dominated person will describe the negative event as a matter of
bad choice and stay focused on the behavior attempting to change those actions and
choices.

11.4.2 Withdrawal and Concealment

Withdrawal is a natural response to shame and which can alert a therapist to it’s
presence. Therapy relies heavily on emotional expression and disclosure and
assumes them as necessary for therapeutic success. The therapy process requires a
person in need to bare their deepest secrets to a stranger and clients may struggle to
understand what can be revealed and what will bring forth more shame. A client
may keep an unwanted pregnancy and an abortion hidden from both her partner and
therapist to avoid shame, only to feel worse for not being an honest person. Another
client who begins to experience sleep disturbances and strange dreams following
the loss of a friend may be unwilling to talk about the death as it brings up shame
for having romantic feelings towards a best friend. Clients with eating issues may
hide their difficult relationship with food as it brings up shame associated with their
body image. An insistence from the therapist to delve into it could generate
resistance, withdrawal and anger and potentially more shame. In a study directly
exploring shame proneness and it’s relation to disclosure in therapy, college stu-
dents in the United States thought of a shameful secret of theirs and rated the degree
of shame they felt about the secret, their willingness to disclose the secret to a
potential counselor, and their expected support from a potential counselor.
Participants who experienced shame regarding their secrets predicted lower antic-
ipated support from the counselor which predicted lower willingness to disclose the
secret (Dorahy et al. 2015). These findings indicate that a crucial aspect of con-
cealment lies in the anticipated risk of disclosure, and that shame was aroused even
in disclosing symptoms of a disorder which is perceived as stigmatizing. Since
therapists are a part of the culture which shapes reactions to certain issues like
sexuality, trauma, abuse and addictions, clients may have assumptions about
therapist response to disclosure. It would then be beneficial to discuss what the
client perceives as the cost of revelation and how to create an environment of safety
and support in which disclosure can occur.

11.4.3 To Be Direct or Not

While it has been suggested that shame be directly addressed there is some evidence
that a direct attack on shame may unintentionally generate automatic withdrawal
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 261

both from the therapist and the difficult emotions (Dorahy et al. 2015). When
participants in a study were assessed on how they would like therapists to respond if
their client disclosed a shame-inducing incident, interesting insights were received
(Dorahy et al. 2015). Participants overall, and those with high shame proneness, did
not feel withdrawal was helpful nor did they believe that staying focused on the
shame feeling was particularly helpful when it was disclosed in therapy. It was an
intermediate approach which was deemed most effective. An approach which
allowed clients some contact with shame affect when disclosing and also providing
skills in managing these emotions is deemed most helpful. It was also clear that the
habitual withdrawal response in everyday interaction was not seen as beneficial
while doing therapeutic work. This was interpreted as a sign of hope in clients that
shame could be overcome and that the support received in therapy may provide
necessary courage to face the threat from shame activation. Thus, it is prudent that
probing is used sparingly at the initial phase and focus should be maintained on
creating a safe environment for emotional expression. The overzealous attempts to
enter into the client’s world and set it right may fracture the tenuous relationship
which can instead be strengthened over time with creating a safe and nurturing
therapeutic environment.

11.4.4 Therapeutic Alliance

Both implicit and explicit aspects of shame make therapeutic alliance a difficult
process. Therapeutic alliance has been a long established predictor of successful
therapeutic work. Therapeutic alliance has three important elements which are
imperative to therapy effectiveness; agreement on goals, agreement on therapy tasks
and development of an affective bond (Bordin 1979). It is believed that the two
components of tasks and goals of the alliance can only develop if there is a personal
relationship of confidence and regard. Like all relationships that aim to heal, faith
and trust become a necessary component before goals can be achieved and healing
can occur. Engaging in behaviors aimed to circumvent potentially shameful inter-
actions with others presents significant problems with therapeutic alliance. Those
with high external shame are more watchful for other’s reactions and sensitive to
being judged. They might conceal undesirable information and reveal only what is
considered acceptable. Interpersonal avoidance can present in many ways, from
avoiding eye contact to omitting significant clinical material. Client’s may com-
pletely avoid a question or skip certain chapters of their lives. They may laugh
nervously, or clear their throat while talking of something shameful as if the words
were stuck in their throat. The therapist may note an unexplainable forgetfulness or
difficulty in doing emotion focused work. The client may even lash out at the
therapist for asking certain questions. The presentations of shame are as varied as
the representations of psychopathology itself and when shame moments occur in
therapy they may be totally unanticipated. The labelling of these presentations as
resistance can create blocks in developing a free flowing interaction. It may
262 M. Sinha

generate feelings of frustrations and inadequacy in the therapist as well as further

jeopardizing therapeutic alliance. Nathanson’s (1992) models of shame talks of
typical shame avoidance strategies including preemptive avoidance of and escape
from perceived shame triggers. There may be an attempt to completely circumvent
situations that could potentially elicit shame or focus energy on disengaging from
situations where shame has already been elicited. The use of attack and aggression
are probably attempts to cope with shame that has been already aroused. Some
clients may report a sudden flight into health.
Shame experiences have very often taught clients that safety lies in disconnec-
tion and withdrawal. In the initial stages of forming an alliance, acknowledging and
respecting the role that withdrawal has played in maintaining the integrity of self is
more imperative than challenging and pointing out its maladaptive nature. In some
ways the work is akin to motivational enhancement for a person dependent on a
substance. It might require the therapist to align with the client’s worldview and roll
with the resistance. Attempting to develop a genuine understanding of what role
withdrawal played in the person’s life improves motivation to discuss its pros and
cons and eventually work at overcoming it. Therapists are advised to remain open
to their own experiences of shame and withdrawal which can stop them from being
fully present and engaged in the therapy session.

11.5 Some Goals in Shame Work

The process of working with shame begins with acknowledging it, facilitating its
expression, understanding the various internal and external factors in its existence,
making connections and finally learning to separate the self from it.

11.5.1 Facilitating Expression of Shame

For those who have never verbalized their shame experience to another for fear of
being judged, expression and verbalization of it in front of an audience is a big
starting point. Encouraging expression of emotions which have been held secretly
can provide a sense validation to parts of oneself which were considered too “bad”
to be unmasked. Therapists need to facilitate this expression by attending closely to
both the verbal and non-verbal signs of shame coping styles like avoidance or
attack. The therapist would be wise to listen carefully for issues that might
court shame and ask questions around their presentations. A simple inquiry like,
“you looked down for a moment there, could you share what was going through
your mind?”, can be made. This can allow for more conscious processing of
emotions rather than denying them. For a subset of clients, identifying and labeling
the emotion of shame can give them valuable insights into their usual attributional
styles. If the client experiences and expresses distress in discussing the shame
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 263

experience, more direct statement like “sometimes we feel angry or ashamed if we

are asked about certain topics and we wish to avoid them”, can allow the client to
express their distress. These moments of shame can also be noted and revisited at a
later juncture when the client is more distanced from the emotion and in a better
state to discuss it. Topics related to body image, sexuality, abuse, suicide attempts
and even symptoms of mental health may all elicit different levels of difficulty
depending on the person’s background and experience.
Initial discussions are mostly overwhelming and draining for the client and
withdrawal is an immediate respite they may seek. The therapist has to acknowl-
edge and even allow for some withdrawal but eventually drawing the client back
into the discussion is imperative to create movement in therapy. It is essential to
provide the holding environment in which client can talk about their deepest fears
without feeling like they wink be overwhelmed. Giving voice to one’s experience
of abuse, deprivation, humiliation in the presence of an unconditional other can be
of no small significance. It can create a cognitive and emotional shift and a sense of
freedom from letting go of what was so tightly held to one’s core.

11.5.2 Making Connections

Clients in therapy understand that the way to defeat withdrawal and isolation lies in
making better connection with their support systems (Vliet 2008) and efforts
towards this end cannot be initiated too early in therapy. In some ways making
connections require becoming more deeply connected with one’s own values and
desires for one’s life. Clients may recognize that withdrawing because of shame
takes than farther away from their goal of establishing genuine and compassionate
relationships. Therapeutic alliance serves an invaluable function enhancing the
individual’s sense of being a worthwhile and worthy person. Knowing that there is
one person who provides unconditional regard leads to a sense of being valued and
needed which can counteract a negative self-image. The person’s growing confi-
dence in social context should be encouraged and reinforced and an attempt can be
made to reconnect with various social networks. Overcoming interpersonal distance
would also mean examining a person’s role in disconnected relationships, and
taking real responsibility for repairing the damages in the relationship. Often clients
are required to work with forgiveness, overcoming anger and making peace
with extremely conflicted aspects of themselves. This is hard, honest work, which
needs the therapist’s encouragement all the way. The therapist may engage the
client in rehearsals and role plays for maximizing opportunities for successful
interactions. The person may also be encouraged to talk about their shame with
empathic others, even join groups or religious communes where these stories can be
shared. Letting go of the secrecy of shame can forge new and meaningful con-
nections for many of the disfranchised clients.
264 M. Sinha

11.5.3 Understanding Shame

Understanding one’s shame process requires assessing multiple aspects of life. This
process is incomplete without visiting early family relationships and attachments.
The first experience of shame probably occurs in interactions with one’s early
attachment figures as a part of early socialization. Some parents block the natural
function of shame by using love withdrawal as a kind of punishment and get in
power struggles with the child. Other parents are prone to anger and these styles
probably result in a need to safeguard the self from shame and avoid further hurt.
Exploring and identifying how these interactions affected early attachment and later
interpersonal interactions is beneficial towards the goal of understanding shame.
Clients may also develop an understanding of how their shame and particular shame
coping style evolved. For example, a person who was shamed by parents for
failures may resort to procrastination and avoidance of responsibility to fight the
shame of failure. This person may underperform at work, avoid taking risks and fear
intimacy. Shame driven perfectionism is not an uncommon finding within therapy
clients. Those who constantly seek accolades and recognition may understand their
deep sense of shame related to failure. Narcissistic rage and contempt is one the
extreme ways of coping with internal shame. The only way to feel acceptable from
the inside becomes a constant need for external accolade. Over a period of time, the
client can develop awareness of when the particular shame coping strategy kicks in
and it can be helpful to frame effective strategies to deal with the shame. The aim is
to help the client take value driven decisions for life rather than be a hostage to their
own emotions.

11.5.4 Enhancing Emotional Coping

Emotional regulation is never far in the work with shame. Substance abuse, eating
disorders, and self-harm represent multiple ways in which individuals try to evade
the internal unpleasant reactions to shame (Frank 1991; Treeby and Bruno 2012).
For many people shame attacks at the core of the self and activates the primitive
flight or fight response. Signs of weakness, lack of knowledge or control can all
generate shame and therefore be covered or controlled with behaviors made to
appease or attract or attack. Shame proneness has also been related to engaging in
excessive wishful thinking about possessing desirable qualities as a way of regu-
lating negative emotions. All of these create a diversion from concern about one’s
self-image. Becoming more tuned to one’s internal self-talk is invaluable to
understanding why one feels the way they do. Negative self-labels and calling
oneself a bad person for negative events generates painful emotions which can
accumulate over a period of time and result in harmful emotional spillovers. The
use of empty chair to elicit and address the self-critical voices which have become
internalized as one’s identity has been particularly useful to accessing and
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 265

addressing emotions of shame. Asking the person to step out of their shoes and
imagine how they would help a friend or child respond in similar situations gen-
erates helpful voices which can then counter the critical self-talk. The work with
emotional regulation also lies in helping the person take real stock of one strengths
and weaknesses without falling into habitual shame reactions and avoidance. The
client can recognize the very high moral standards they hold for themselves both
personally and interpersonally. Anger in circumstances where personal standards
are not met can be examined from perspectives of self discrepancy where less than
an idealized self is not valued. Specific strategies like anger management and
assertiveness techniques become helpful skills in more effective management of
negative emotions. Many a times leaving behind negative influences and making a
new start is seen as a good way of emotional regulation and it doesn’t allow shame
to fester and grow. Focusing on positive activities and actions which generate
positive emotions greatly benefit emotional coping and well being. Taking up new
skills and activities to buildup one’s strengths reinforces the positive aspects of
oneself instead of staying focused on deficits.

11.5.5 Externalization and Acceptance of Shame

A big part of externalizing shame is to learn to accept situations and one’s own
feelings in a realistic manner. Clients may blame themselves for abuse or trauma
and see it as a result of their own unlikeability. Shame, which resulted from early
abuse or traumatic upbringing, requires reaching an understanding that most of the
contributors to abuse had nothing to do with the individual himself/herself. The
development of this understanding helps to put the blame where it belongs. Writing
letters to the hurtful party and expressing how the abuse shattered and took control
of their lives validates the experience and simultaneously externalizes the experi-
ence. The client might also be encouraged to write a letter expressing compassion
and support to an imaginary person who experienced similar trauma. Creating
emotional distance facilitates the flow of compassion and actually helps the client to
experience this more easily than if he/she was focused on her/his owns self.
Accepting different aspects of oneself, both the desirable and the undesirable, is
a big learning step towards making shame adaptive. An inability to express genuine
feelings of hurt or anger keeps the shame as an internal experience to be repeatedly
churned and experienced. It is also as important to learn to reject what is another
person’s projection of shame. The focus on one’s own strengths, divorcing from
labels or limitations caused by others, experience pride in overcoming adversaries
and celebrating achievements go a long way in developing positive coping with
shame.
266 M. Sinha

11.6 Specific Therapies that Target Shame

There are certain approaches which broadly target the goals mentioned in working
with the shame prone person. These have mostly grown out of the mindfulness and
acceptance based approaches. Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) with its under-
pinnings in mindfulness found early success in the treatment of shame in BPD
patients. A treatment derived from DBT called “opposite actions” has been par-
ticularly applied to treating shame in BPD (Rizvi and Linehan 2005). This strategy
requires identification of the current unwanted emotion, then identifying what are
the usual urges and actions generated by these emotions and then finally determine
and engage in actions which are completely opposite to the usual actions (Rizvi and
Linehan 2005). For example, if the action tendency is to shrink and hide, the client
will be encouraged to approach and hold oneself high. The client is oriented to the
rationale of treatment and the nature of shame as psychoeducation is found helpful
to client co-operation with the technique. Results with opposite action in one study
have given promise and hope that it can be used as a standalone treatment
specifically for shame (Rizvi and Linehan 2005).
Acceptance and Commitment based therapies (ACTs) and Compassion focused
therapy (CFT) have shown favorable outcomes in targeting lack of compassion and
self-criticality, the chief deficits in shame proneness. Cognitive behavioral inter-
ventions have been the mainstay of treatment for negative beliefs about self.
However, more recently mindfulness and acceptance based approaches have been
tested in groups of clients with PTSD, ED and substance abuse who were resistant
to traditional CBT and found to be effective (Gilbert and Procter 2006; Hernandez
and Mendoza 2011; Luoma et al. 2012; Orsillo 2005; Weichelt 2007).

11.6.1 Compassion Focused Therapy

Gale et al. (2014) designed a study to investigate the effect of CFT on shame,
self-criticism and self compassion in a program where psychoeducational compo-
nents, CBT and CFT were added sequentially. This stepwise intervention revealed
that both shame and self-criticism increased following psychoeducational and the
CBT component probably because of the increased focus on negative cognitions
and exercises to challenge them. It was only when the CFT component was
introduced that levels of self-compassion increased and levels of self-criticism and
shame significantly reduced.
Self-compassion is described as the ability to view one’s failures and moments
of imperfections with kindness rather than being harshly self critical and unfor-
giving (Gilbert 2014). For those who are shame-prone, self compassion is an area of
deficit and a difficult goal to achieve. CFT directly focuses on increasing
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 267

self-compassion, tolerance and warmth instead of challenging negative thoughts.

The premise of CFT is that developing a universal sense of compassion enhances
mental health and alleviates distress pan disorders. As a technique, CFT integrates
multiple influences from different disciplines although it works with three main
principles revolving around compassion; cultivating openness to the helpfulness
and compassion from others, being helpful and compassionate towards others, and
developing an encouraging, supportive, and compassionate approach to oneself
(Gilbert 2014). Another strong working point of CFT is its direct work with affect
regulation (Gilbert and Procter 2006). At the heart of CFT lies the value of human
connections and CFT tries to generate caring relationships as a part of developing
affect regulation (Macbeth and Gumley 2012). A compassionate therapeutic rela-
tionship is inherently essential to CFT and the attributes of compassion like warmth,
empathy, non judgement, sensitivity, and distress tolerance have to first be modeled
by the therapist through compassionate engagement (Gilbert and Procter 2006). The
compassion and kindness experienced from the therapist offers a corrective emo-
tional experience and fosters the experience of healthy attachment. Jazaieri et al.
(2013) were able to demonstrate that compassion was a teachable quality in a
program called compassion cultivation training (CCT). Participants in this program
demonstrated enhanced compassion following training even in the background of a
deficit in early development.
Over the years since CFT was developed, treatment programs have been
developed and applied in treating shame based experiences in SAD, eating disor-
ders, substance abuse and PTSD (Gilbert and Procter 2006; Leaviss and Uttley
2015; Twohig 2008). Clients who adhered to a more frequent regimen of mind-
fulness practice made more improvement and this indicates that treatment dose is
important to the effectiveness of CFT (Boersma et al. 2014). Self criticality is
especially resistant as a lifetime of self-criticality is hard to change. Practicing
compassion based exercises like compassionate letter writing to oneself and com-
passion meditation have been associated with immediate effects like an increase in
positive affect and a decrease in negative affect (Leaviss and Uttley 2015). They
have also been associated with more long term changes at the brain level and
development of empathy in relationships. Other studies have shown significant
reductions in anxiety and depression scores, shame, self-hatred, social comparison,
inferiority and submissive behavior across a range of disorders. A concomitant
increase in self-compassion, self-reassurance, self-safeness, relational warmth and
closeness were also achieved through CFT (Leaviss and Uttley 2015). CFT has
been specifically modified for treating self criticality in eating disorders and has
been attempted in the group and the individual format and significant improvements
are seen across the entire range of symptoms (Goss and Allen 2009). Among the
different kinds of eating disorder symptomatology, bulimia nervosa has shown the
maximum improvement with CFT and even though anorexia did not show similar
increment, development of self compassion was.
268 M. Sinha

11.6.2 Acceptance and Commitment Therapies

Similar to CFT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapies (ACT) with its focus on
experiential avoidance and cognitive fusion, seems particularly suited for treatment
of shame (Hayes 2004). ACT conceptualizes clients struggling with shame firstly as
being fused with denigrating thoughts about themselves while simultaneously
attempting to avoid coming in contact with the thoughts, feelings, and memories
associated with the shame. Experiential avoidance is a pathological emotional
regulation strategy which requires spending enormous amount of time and energy
trying to avoid, control and suppress internal experiences. Suppression of negative
emotions and cognitions is known to be counter-effective as they result in
rebounding of the same cognitions that are being avoided. The aim of ACT is to
help clients develop awareness of their thoughts and feelings without giving into
their habitual avoidance tendencies or trying to change them, therefore moving
towards a better acceptance of self (Hayes 2004). AGT suggests six processes or
skill sets to promote psychological flexibility in clients: (a) acceptance; (b) cogni-
tive defusion; (c) contact with the present moment; (d) self as context; (e) values;
and (f) committed action (Hayes 2004).
ACT uses a mindfulness-based approach to dealing with shame memories
and experiences. Mindfulness approaches are used to enhance awareness of the
“here and now”, reduce a judgmental attitude towards oneself and disengage from
unhelpful thoughts. Basic grounding techniques, noticing things in the environ-
ment, centering on the breath and other simple ways of becoming mindful are
taught. ACT views substance abuse as a kind of experiential avoidance of shame
and it has found success in reduction of shame in substance abuse population
through it’s promotion of self acceptance (Hayes 2004). Treatment of substance
abuse through ACT has shown slow and steady improvement over a period of time
with higher outpatient treatment attendance during follow up (Luoma et al. 2012).
ACT has been found particularly helpful in disorders of shame, guilt like PTSD and
BPD (Gratz and Gunderson 2006; Lang and Sharma-Patel 2011; Luoma et al. 2012;
Gratz and Tull 2011). Twohig (2008) reported ACT’s successful treatment of a
woman with history of abuse and post-traumatic symptoms who had not been
responsive to CBT based interventions. The client used acceptance and mindfulness
processes to stop herself from unnecessary attempts at controlling her experiences
and make value based choices for her life.

11.6.3 Comprehensive Distancing

Comprehensive Distancing (CD) is one aspect of mindfulness-based therapies which

has been tried as a treatment for shame especially in PTSD. CD is a facet of ACT in
which one attempts to tolerate negative thoughts, emotions, memories by “dis-
tancing” one- self from them (Zettle 2005). The goal of CD is primarily emotional
11 Shame and Psychotherapy: Theory, Method and Practice 269

regulation by using the stance of a distanced observer. By achieving the goal, one
becomes a neutral observer to negative mental events and therefore, negative events
lose their emotional valence (Orsillo 2005; Zettle 2005). There is evidence to show
that writing about a traumatic event from an observer perspective is far better than
writing about it as if it was being experienced. A person who repeats the experiences
from one’s own perspective probably strengthens the association with the memory
and it gets more tightly integrated within oneself. Getting a distance to one’s
thoughts and emotions encourages the view that “we are not our thoughts” and we
are something larger. Considering thoughts as “just thoughts” and not the truth
decreases associated emotional distress with them (Orsillo 2005).
The field of shame-focused therapies is narrow. The acceptance and mindfulness
based approaches provide a flexible approach to treatment of shame as they borrow
from humanistic, cognitive and emotion focused schools even as they primarily
remain mindfulness based in their practice. The premise of treatment lies with the
broad idea that the suppression and non-acceptance of shame results in an unhealthy
denial of emotions. The above mentioned techniques aim to develop healthy
acceptance towards shame so that a person can develop resiliency towards shame
memories and experiences. These approaches need wider use and application with
different disorders and a clearer understanding of the aspects of treatment that
contribute to reduction of shame-proneness.

11.6.4 Shame Therapy: Implications for Non-western

Cultures

Shame does exist in every culture. However, it can have different conceptualization
and linguistic representations across cultures. A therapist needs to be aware of these
contextual differences as the idea of elimination of shame may be more beneficial to
certain cultures as compared to others. The internal, global, stable conceptualization
of shame is primarily a Western model of shame which gives it an inherent,
pathological quality (Kitayama et al. 1995). Unlike the Western culture, shame is a
key emotion in Eastern cultures. It is routinely experienced in different kinds of
relationships and even deliberately used as a disciplining strategy. The focus on the
opinion of others and the fear of shame sensitizes individuals to promote socially
responsible behavior within them. This self improvement focus of shame might be
the factor which results in Asians trying harder when shamed in comparison to
Caucasians who tend to disengage or give up when experiencing shame (Bagozzi
et al. 2003). Therefore, the dominant, Western model of shame which theorizes that
shame is a passive emotion and does not generate reparative behaviors may not be
generalizable. This also implies that in collectivist cultures, shame and guilt are not
demarcated sharply like in American and many of the attributes of guilt may apply
to shame. Collective societies also rely less on legal structures and more on social
structures to identify and modify problematic behavior. The idea of losing face or
270 M. Sinha

family honor and the shame of disconnection can act as a deterrent to problematic
behaviors like substance abuse or unfaithfulness and promote pro-social behavior.
Many cultures in the collectivistic world believe that an act of shame does not
dishonor only the living guardians but also the souls of ancestors. Overall, shame
may not be as catastrophic to self or relationship as viewed by North American
culture. The removal of all shame in psychotherapy may not be a desired goal for
someone from a collectivist culture as shame is the necessary compass that guides
behavior and maintains relationships.
On the other hand, this positive conceptualization does not imply that shame is
not a problem in collectivistic culture. A collectivistic culture may promote shame
excessively as a way of binding individuals to social structures and this would limit
and restrict the individual from recognizing their potential. A person in an interde-
pendent culture may be more prone to shame when there is public ridicule and not as
much about internal characteristics. Shame may be more devastating in the context
of having disappointed a significant other rather than failed achievements. In these
contexts, individuals have to work on separating their own needs and desires from
what is expected of them and negotiate the fear of shame that comes with doing so.
Overall, it appears that there is a need to move away from a unilateral view of
shame as pathological. Shame can be well regulated and adaptive and shying away
from discourse of shame pushes all shame under the realm of maladaptiveness.
Divorcing shame from its contextual aspects and focusing on shame-proneness,
which is by definition a pathological disposition, categorizes all maladaptive
self-evaluation as shame. This doctrine, which is the prevalent model of shame in
American culture asserts that shame is a negative feeling and the clinical objective
is to help patients recognize it and then get rid of it. Shame is forever within us and
between us. It would be hard to imagine a society with “no shame”. Therefore,
creating societies of shame phobics does not serve the function that it was meant to
serve. Shame does not necessarily take away from one’s strengths and abilities but
it can help to develop a more cooperative and thoughtful approach to interpersonal
interactions. It is the guide which points us to who or what got hurt and what needs
to be made right. It is the warning bell which if heard can stop us from committing
many a faux pas. When we learn to successfully negotiate with our shame, which is
what is being attempted in the mindfulness based approaches, we will have nothing
to hide and achieve better mental health.

Acknowledgements This work was encouraged by Dr. Dharma Bhawuk, Professor, University
of Hawaii. I thank him for his guidance.

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Chapter 12
Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”:
Archetypal Work and the Transformation
of the Shadow of Shame in a Group
Development Process

Claude-Hélène Mayer

Open your heart and listen

to what your dreams tell you.
Follow those dreams,
because only a person
who is not ashamed
can manifest the glory of God.
(Coelho 1992, 138)
Shame is a soul eating emotion.
Shame is one of the scars of trauma,
but shame shrinks as healing grows.
C.G. Jung

Abstract Carl Gustav Jung changed the way of thinking about the person, the
conscious and the unconscious. According to Jung, every person carries a shadow
and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the denser it is. Shame
is viewed as an intense, “soul eating” emotion which can impact negatively on the
individual. Caroline Myss has developed a therapeutical concept to work with
Jung’s archetypes in individual therapy from a positive psychology perspective.
The question addressed in this chapter is how shame can be transformed from
shadow into light, from the unconscious into consciousness. The aim of this chapter
is to present a selected single case study on a therapeutical process working with
shame, shadow and archetypal psychology in an individual and group process.
Findings show that shame can be transformed through therapeutical work from a
“soul eating” into a “soul feeding” emotion.

C.-H. Mayer (&)

Institut für therapeutische Kommunikation und Sprachgebrauch,
European University Viadrina, Frankfurt, Germany
e-mail: [email protected]
C.-H. Mayer
Department of Management, Rhodes University, Grahamstown, South Africa

© Springer International Publishing AG 2017 277

E. Vanderheiden and C.-H. Mayer (eds.), The Value of Shame,
DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-53100-7_12
278 C.-H. Mayer

12.1 Introduction

During his life, Jung changed the way of thinking about the person, the conscious
and the unconscious. This transformation of his idea of the collective unconscious
is based on his personal extended visionary experiences, which he called his
“confrontation with the unconscious” (Jung 2009, xi). Jung’s self-exploration and
self-experiment between the years 1913 and 1930 led to the development of his
method of “active imagination” (Jung 2009, xi) and the idea that the inner world of
a person is “truly infinite, in no way poorer than the outer one”. According to Jung
(2009, 264), “man lives in two worlds”: the conscious and the unconscious.
Based on Jung’s visions as recounted in The Red Book (Jung 2009), he developed
his theory on the ego, the persona, the self, the shadow, the anima and the animus, the
complexes, the personal and the collective unconscious, the archetypes, the psy-
chological types and the process of individuation (Stein 2003). Several of these
concepts are important when focusing on shame as a universal emotion and to provide
shame with a voice in therapeutic contexts (Lee and Wheeler 2013).
In his major works, Jung (2009) refers to the concept of shame in different ways, which
will be explored in this chapter. At the same time, he focuses on transforming psy-
chotherapy from a pathological practice into a practice of treatment concerned with the
recovery of the meaning in life and reconnection with the soul. Jung, therefore, can be seen
as a pioneer in positive psychological frameworks. His approaches to defining the per-
sonality and identifying the symbols and influences used by human beings at individual
and collective levels, are frequently used by therapists and counsellors around the world.

12.2 Aim and Purpose of this Chapter

The aim of this chapter is to reflect on a process of psychological development of a

single individual in the format of a single case study. During the therapeutical
process—which is based on Jungian theory and the practical therapeutical appli-
cation based on Caroline Myss—the topic of shame was uncovered as an important
underlying issue of self-development in the context of archetypal analysis and
development and other selected therapeutical interventions. The transformation of
shame from a “soul eating” to a “soul feeding” emotion is presented in the
description and analysis of this longitudinal single case study.

12.3 Jung’s Foundational Concepts: Personality,

Archetypes and the Shadow

Jungian psychology, as referred to in the introduction, had a major influence on

therapeutical work around the world, particularly with regard to the redefinition of
certain concepts, such as the personality, archetypes, and the collective unconscious
and the shadow (Stein 2003).
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 279

For Jung, the personality consists of several subsystems which are integrated,
holistically interconnected and dynamic. The personality is constructed of the ego,
the conscious upper part of the personality, consisting of thoughts, feelings, sen-
sations, evaluations, perceptions and active memories (Jung 1971a). It is the seat of
the conscious and rests upon the conscious and unconscious contents. The persona
covers the ego and is the public image of the individual, whilst the self is based in
the middle of the personality and is called the personal unconscious. The self
mediates between the conscious, the unconscious and the collective unconscious.
According to Jung (1971b), archetypes are culturally and generationally trans-
mitted and inherited personality building blocks of the unconscious. Hall (1989)
emphasises that archetypes are seen as universal patterns or motifs, and are the
basic content of religions, mythologies, legends and fairy tales. Jung (1971a)
identifies three main archetypes based around the self: the shadow, the
anima/animus and the supporting complexes.
Jung (1917, 103) defines the shadow as
the negative side of the personality, the sum of all those unpleasant qualities we like to hide,
together with the insufficiently developed functions and the contents of the personal
unconscious.

Every person carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s
conscious life, the denser it is. He differentiates between an individual and an
archetypal shadow.
Along with our individual personal unconscious, which is unique to each of us,
Jung (1968, 43) asserts that
there exists a second psychic system of a collective, universal, and impersonal nature that is
identical in all individuals.

This collective unconscious, he believes, is inherited rather than developed, and

is composed mainly of archetypes.

12.4 The Concept of Shame in the Work of Jung

Jung (1989, 965) refers to the concept and influence of shame, and to shame as “a
soul eating emotion”. Jacoby (2002) describes, from a Jungian perspective, that
shame manifests in various ways, such as inferiority, shyness, embarrassment or
humiliation. He indicates that a lack of self-esteem can be the root cause of sus-
ceptibility to shame and is usually rooted in childhood experiences.
Shame is viewed as an archetypical phenomenon (Jacoby 2002), and can be seen
in biblical narratives, as well as in the Jungian interpretation of the persona, the
so-called soul mask. Jung maintains that the persona—which is viewed as the part
of the person that is displayed openly and that carries the reputation of a person and
the social image—is highly vulnerable (Gamber 2014, 248). How the persona is
280 C.-H. Mayer

defined, how it is presented and how vulnerable it is depends on the culture in

which a person is raised (Gamber 2014, 248).
Gamber (2014, 248) states that feelings of shame can lead to feelings of dis-
empowerment, and ultimately to a state of feeling victimised. However, through
positive thoughts, attitudes, actions and a focus on strength and newly and posi-
tively defined actions, individuals can create health and well-being, particularly
with regard to the concept of shame. Mindfulness and reflective attitudes support a
culture of empowerment (Mayer and Viviers 2014a, b). However, empowerment
also needs to be based on the remembrance of success stories of the individual and
the experience of self-efficacy. To overcome and minimise feelings of shame,
resources need to be activated to contribute to the empowerment of the individual.
Gamber (2014, 249) provides examples which can support an individual to activate
his/her resources, namely leisure time activities, successful projects, musical
activities, meditation, a walk, visiting friends, visiting museums or theatres and
listening to one’s inner self. One other important step to minimise feelings of shame
is self-reconciliation in order to overcome self-criticism and shame.
In his Red Book, Jung (2009) refers to the concept of shame in the context of the
gospel of the Egyptians, pointing out the challenges of crushing the covering of
shame and becoming one with others. Jung (2009, 2) also refers to shame in the
context of God:
But I’m ashamed of my God. I don’t want to be divine but reasonable. The divine appears
to me as irrational craziness. I hate it as an absurd disturbance of my meaningful human
activity. It seems an unbecoming sickness which has stolen into the regular course of my
life. Yes, I even find the divine superfluous.

With this claim, Jung emphasises that he is ashamed of his own beliefs, irrational
thoughts and constructions of the divine. He therefore implies that he is ashamed of
himself in the context of spirituality and religious beliefs and thoughts.
Related to selected concepts of Jung’s psychology, such as the archetypes, the
shadow and the persona, Myss (2002) has developed her concepts of energy and
therapeutical work.

12.5 Archetypes and Sacred Contracts in the Work

of Caroline Myss

Myss developed the field of energy anatomy, which works on a practical basis with
emotions, psychological, physical and spiritual stress patterns (Myss and Shealy
1993). Myss (2002) asserts that each individual has lessons to learn in a lifetime.
These lessons are connected to twelve primary archetypes (which are chosen by an
individual from a list of about fifty), which every person inherits. Of these twelve
archetypes, every person uses four so-called universal archetypes of survival,
namely the Child, the Victim, the Prostitute and the Saboteur. Myss (2002) stresses
that the twelve chosen archetypes are vital for an individual’s growth and
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 281

Fig. 12.1 Astrological chart houses (Myss 2015)

functioning as an adult. She claims that archetypes are impersonal patterns that
become personalised when they form part of the individual psyche. Archetypes
both guide the individual through his/her life and alert the individual when he/she
falls into destructive behaviour which is shadow-related.
Myss (2015) applies archetypes in her psychological practice as follows: firstly,
a person needs to pay attention to his/her archetypes and choose twelve archetypes
which are relevant to him/her. These twelve selected archetypes are written on
twelve slips of paper. Through an intuitive process, combined with meditation
practices, the archetypes are combined with the astrological chart houses, as pre-
sented in Fig. 12.1. The question the individual asks himself/herself is: “In which
houses do these archetypes best serve me?” (Myss 2015). Then, the specific
archetype is inserted into the numbered astrological house on the wheel (as
explained in Fig. 12.2, Sect. 12.8.2.3). After the archetypes have been allocated to
the different houses, a unique energy field has been generated which Myss (2015)
282 C.-H. Mayer

describes as a “symbolic hologram of the unconscious”. Next, the archetype-to-

house partnerships are explored by asking questions, such as “What events or
personal characteristics led me to choose this archetype?”, “Which role has this
archetype played in my life?”, “Which myths, fairy tales, or spiritual stories that
have a special meaning for me do I associate with this archetype?”, or “What impact
did this archetype have on my spirituality?” and “What have I learned about my
own shadow aspect through this archetype?”
In the therapeutical process described in the single case study below, this process
as described by Myss (2015) was followed.

12.6 The Concept of Shame in Psychotherapy

Whilst working with archetypes, shame is often an underlying issue which is, at the
same time, usually connected to the shadow a person has to deal with.1 However,
dealing with the shadow requires courage and trust in therapeutical processes. In the
therapeutical setting, the relationship and trust between the client and the therapist
is deepened and more trust is created when shadow aspects are accepted and
acknowledged empathically (Perry, 2015). A certain approach in therapy is used in
the work with the shadow and therefore with shame, as Jung (1976, 223) maintains:
It is usual for psychotherapy…to begin by eliciting from the patient a more or less vol-
untary confession of things he dislikes, is ashamed of, or fears. This is like the much older
confessional in the Church, which in many ways anticipated modern psychotherapeutical
techniques.

Dislikes, shame and fear are usually important aspects of therapeutical work.
These aspects are not necessarily experienced as negative. Research highlights the
positive role shame can play in resolving conflicts and crisis situations (Behrendt
and Ben-Ari 2012). Harper and Hoopes (1990) found that shame in therapy can not
only be treated with regard to the individual, but must be explored from a systemic
family perspective. They are of the opinion that the impact of the family on shame
experiences and proneness should be considered. However, not only clients need to
focus on their shame, but therapists must also be clear about their own blind spots
and healing of shameful experiences. Therapists and counsellors need to recognise
their own shadows, and confront and incorporate them to be able to work with the
shadow aspects of their clients (Page 1999). This might not always be a simple task
since a person might be ashamed about his/her own behaviour and this shame might
interfere with recognition of the personal shadow.
In therapy, though, shadows can be incorporated and used for further
self-development by exploring the positive aspects of the experiences, values and
thoughts classified as “shadow” by the client or his/her socio-cultural environment
(Page 1999).

1
See the Chap. 11 of Mrigaya Sinha in this book.
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 283

Fig. 12.2 Toni’s chart at the beginning of the therapeutical process (researcher’s source from
group development process)

12.7 Research Methodology

This research study was founded in a single case study research design, within the
interpretative paradigm. The interpretative paradigm centres on how human beings
make sense of their subjective reality and the meaning attached to it (Flick 2009).
The research focused on the development and change of a single individual
(O’Reilly 2012) over a longitudinal time frame of twelve months. This type of
research approach requires an in-depth understanding of the actors, the context, as
well as the extrinsic and intrinsic motivations of the actors (Bryman et al. 1996) and
aims at understanding the individual, his/her subjective experiences (ontology), as
well as the experiences by interacting with this individual and listening to him/her
(epistemology) (Terre Blanche et al. 2006).
284 C.-H. Mayer

12.7.1 Research Method Approach

In this study, a mixed method research approach was implemented, including

various research methods with regard to the analysis of a therapeutical process of a
selected individual.

12.7.2 Introduction to the Research Field

The researcher works as a family therapist, a counsellor and a constellation work

facilitator. She is interested in various methods used in psycho-therapeutical work
as well as in Jungian psychology. Based on this interest, the researcher attended a
course on Jungian archetypal psychology and its practical application in
psycho-therapeutical group sessions and individual therapies. At one of these
training courses, the researcher met a woman who was working on her
self-actualisation and individual development. The researcher, who is interested in
the development of individuals based on certain psycho-therapeutical methods,
approached the woman and invited her to become part of a developmental single
case study process. The woman, who is called Toni,2 agreed to be part of this single
case study research.

12.7.3 Data Collection, Research Methods and Sampling

Data was collected over a period of twelve months through in-depth face-to-face
interviews and colloquial talks on Skype or by telephone with the researched
participant, observation by the researcher in a group development process in which
the individual participated, field notes taken during participant observations and a
researcher’s diary, written with regard to the group development process. The group
processes took place irregularly, according to the timetables of the participants,
varying from twice a month to every six weeks. As is customary in interpretative
research, the researcher became part of the context in which the phenomenon was
being studied by becoming part of the research setting in an open, empathetic and
engaging way (Terre Blanche et al. 2006).

2
The name has been changed to ensure anonymity and confidentiality.
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 285

12.7.4 Data Analysis

Data was analysed through the five-step process of content analysis of Terre
Blanche et al. (2006, 322–326), namely familiarisation and immersion, inducing
themes, coding, elaboration, and interpretation and checking to ensure data quality.
During this process, codes were constructed for the content and the emerging
themes and sub-themes (Patton 2002), whilst data was reduced through the con-
struction of these themes and patterns (Maxwell 2012). At the same time, the data
underwent intra-individual and inter-individual validation processes between the
researcher and the researched (Yin 2008, 45).

12.7.5 Quality Criteria and Ethical Considerations

of Research

In this study, qualitative quality criteria, such as conformability, credibility,

transferability and dependability (Mayer 2011), were applied. Ethical considera-
tions included anonymity, confidentiality, informed consent, right of the participant
to withdraw from the study at any point in time, as well as the building of a
cooperative and favourable relationship between the researcher and the researched
(Wang 2012).

12.7.6 Limitations of Research

This study was limited to the analysis and interpretation of the therapeutical process
of a single individual over a defined period. As a qualitative study, the study is
potentially limited by the researcher’s bias, perceptual misrepresentation and the
impossibility of generalising the findings in quantitative perspectives. Furthermore,
the study is limited to the primary and secondary source analyses, theoretical
perspectives and methodological applications used in this research study.

12.8 The Case Study

Biographical background information about the individual on whom the study was
based is provided below. Following this description, an account is given of the
development process and the transformation of shame as a life topic of Toni,
throughout the group development process.
286 C.-H. Mayer

12.8.1 Biographical Background Information

The subject of research was a woman called Toni. During the time of the
psycho-therapeutical development process, Toni turned 39 years old. She was
highly educated, worked as a consultant on a freelance basis and lectured part time
at different universities. She was married and had three children.
During her life, Toni had undergone several psycho-therapeutical therapies to
develop herself and to resolve problems she had encountered during her personal
development. She aimed at being self-conscious, self-aware and mindful. Her
priorities were her family, as well as her professional career.
When the researcher met Toni in the course on Jungian archetypal psychology,
Toni was discontent with her life. She felt that she needed to make career decisions
and was uncertain as to where she should take her professional career. She also
desired to develop spiritually and to integrate spiritual development into her life. At
the same time, she felt unhappy in her marriage and was searching for visions and
solutions to her family life challenges.

12.8.2 The Developmental Process

Toni’s development process included several steps which will subsequently be

explained.

12.8.2.1 Step One: The Realisation of the Need to Develop

Soon after her 38th birthday, Toni realised that she wanted to change her professional
career as well as her family life, as she was discontent with both. As a consultant she
was aware of coaching interventions and psycho-therapeutical work, but she had not
dealt with Jungian therapeutical concepts and archetypal work before. Through a
friend she became aware of and signed up for the group training session in archetypal
work. The training session included work with archetypes based on theories of C.G.
Jung and Caroline Myss. Inspired by these group training sessions, which consisted of
about ten sessions over a period of five months, Toni decided to sign up for a long-term
archetypal group development process in order to develop her awareness of the ways
in which archetypes were actively impacting on her life and her decisions.

12.8.2.2 Step Two: Preparing for and Attending the Archetypal

Group Development Process

Before the archetypical group development process started, the participants

received basic written information from the facilitator about Jung’s archetypal work
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 287

on family dynamics and the morphogenic field, astrological charts, archetypal work
in psychoanalytical practice and interpreting Myss’s astrological charts about cre-
ativity and creative expression, as well as the four agreements of Ruiz (2011).
During the group sessions the information provided by the facilitator was mainly
based on Jung’s definition of the archetypes, his shadow work and teachings, as
well as on Myss’s explanations of the archetypes and the astrological charts used
during the process.3
Later, the participants received a list of the four principal (survival) energy
companions (archetypes), namely the Child, the Victim, the Prostitute and the
Saboteur. These archetypes are defined as the basic archetypes of survival (Myss
2002, 138). The Addict is in some cases regarded as a fifth survival archetype. In
the course attended, these five survival archetypes were considered as vivid and
pre-selected as highly important in every human being.
The participants were given the task to read Myss’s explanation on the arche-
types and to work through a list of selected archetypes published by Myss (2002,
431 p). They had to select twelve of the presented archetypes which were the most
important and active in their own life.
In this pre-stage of the group development process, Toni chose—besides the five
survival archetypes—the following archetypes as being the most important and
active in her life:
• The Artist/Author
• The Healer/Counsellor
• The Nurturer/Rescuer
• The Pioneer
• The Rebel
• The Wanderer
• The Student/Academic.

12.8.2.3 Group Development Process Session 1: Ego and Personality

The first group development process took 4 h in which the participants introduced
themselves to one another, shared the challenges in their life and their ideas to
change and transform. They also presented their chosen archetypes to the group and
explained why they had chosen certain archetypes.
Subsequently, the Template for the Twelve Houses of the Archetypal Wheel
(Myss 2002, 523) was introduced by the facilitator. Each participant wrote down
the twelve archetypes, each one on a different card, and shuffled the cards without

3
This relates to all the information provided during the group sessions with regard to archetypes,
shadow work and astrology. The information referring to these aspects in the findings is all based
on the participant observation and field notes from the group process as well as on information
taken from collateral talks and interviews. Therefore, it might not be objectively correct when
compared with the original sources provided above.
288 C.-H. Mayer

looking at them. Then, each participant randomly drew one archetype card to be
placed in each house. In the end, each of the twelve houses was linked to one
archetype.
The Healer (counsellor) in the first house (Aries)—Ego and personality, Chakra
1 and Chakra 3
For Toni, the Healer (Counsellor) appeared in the first house of the wheel. The
first house is related to Aries, to the ego and the personality aspects of a person. It
deals with the ability to stand alone, and is related to new beginnings, the question
of how to conduct oneself with others, how to initiate, how to belong and how to
deal with the self, the group mind and the family.
During her individual reflection on the Healer and Counsellor in the first house,
Toni recognised herself as a very strong, individualised person, working as a
successful counsellor at work and within her family. She felt very connected to her
children, but abandoned by her husband. She realised that her focus was strongly on
her children and their development and that she tried to heal and counsel them and
herself on a permanent basis. She connected to the idea that she was aware of a
strong “healing energy” within herself and highlighted the fact that she had always
been drawn into the healing field, into therapeutic work. She had had many years of
training in counselling, therapeutic practices and hypnotherapy, and had applied a
great deal of her knowledge to herself and her personal self-healing processes.
At the end of each session, each participant drew a card containing symbolic
images and a word. Toni drew the card “control” and felt that she often wanted to
control too much with regard to herself and her immediate environment. She felt
restricted by her perfectionism and the speed with which she moved. As a person
with a Healer archetype in the first house, she felt that she needed to control
situations and people. One major issue was for her to “let go of control” and to “go
with the flow”. In the interview after the session she explained that she felt ashamed
about wanting to control her environment and that she aimed at trusting more in her
children instead of controlling them.
At the end of the session, Toni chose a mantra for the Healer in the first house: “I
am strong.”

12.8.2.4 Group Development Process Session 2: Earth and Life Values

Each group development process took 3–4 h and started with the sharing of
experiences, feelings and ideas. In this session, the second house was the centre of
discussion. Toni explained that she was motivated to work and develop herself.
The Nurturer (rescuer) in the second house (Taurus)—Earth and life values,
Chakra 2
The second house is linked to Taurus and the question of what individuals hold
most dear and what they claim as their own in terms of possessions. Furthermore,
the second house deals with achieving balance, being aware of the physical and
being mindful about choices and their consequences.
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 289

For Toni, the Nurturer (Rescuer) appeared in the second house of the wheel. She
felt she nurtured many individuals through her counselling work, as well as in her
family. Sometimes she found that she nurtured others so much that she forgot about
her own feelings and needs. Her personal values were related to freedom and
spirituality found it very difficult to be grounded in physical energy. She enjoyed
the energy of thinking and nurtured others with her thoughts, her ideas and her love.
However, she did not enjoy physical objects, such as furniture, a television set or
any other physical possessions. She made it clear that she did not nurture her
children’s desire for more material objects and that she sometimes felt guilty about
not succumbing to their wishes. Toni explained that, through her focus on
anti-materialism, she aimed at becoming more spiritual and less materialistic.
At the end of the session, Toni drew a card with an orange on it. She said that
she connected the orange with nature, spirituality and the opposite of materialism.
She felt she would like to enjoy the fruits of life fully. The orange indicated the
importance of nature, the earth, spirituality and fruitfulness in her life.

12.8.2.5 Group Development Process Session 3:

Self-expression and Siblings

The third group development process focused on the third house. For Toni, the
following constellation was the focus:
The Victim in the third house (Gemini)—Self-expression and siblings, Chakra 3
and Chakra 5
The third house deals with the topics of communication, self-expression, the
relationship to siblings, self-worth, loyalty and secrets. It is also about taking action,
being aware of motivations and intentions of hurting, blaming or shaming someone.
With regard to the Victim in the third house, questions of how to bring the
individual’s power into the world and how individuals voice their thoughts and
feelings are addressed. Toni associated the idea and feeling of “not being seen” with
the Victim archetype. With regard to her family of origin, she felt like a victim. She
felt that she was not recognised as the person she was and experienced feelings of
disempowered. Connecting these feelings to her family of origin caused Toni to feel
restricted in bringing her power into the world. She realised that she still adhered to
the restrictedness and victimhood she felt within her family of origin. She did not
regard herself as having a voice in her family of origin and experienced the same
feelings within her present family. She felt restricted in her self-expression within
her family and only felt free to express herself when her husband was not around.
She related these feelings to her childhood in the group-sharing session: as a child,
Toni found it hard to express herself in front of her sister or her parents, because she
was afraid that they might think that she was being disloyal. When she reflected on
her feelings, it became evident that she did not feel part of her family of origin
because she had differences in opinion, thoughts and career with her sister and her
parents. Although Toni felt that she had made her way up into a professional career
and that she had successfully managed to build a family, she experienced a low
290 C.-H. Mayer

sense of self-worth, which she related to her parents’ inability to accept her as she
was. When Toni recognised that she had feelings of low self-worth, she felt
ashamed about them. This feeling of shame was related to her belief that coun-
sellors should only counsel others if they themselves have developed so much
personally that they do not suffer from feelings of low self-worth or other
complexes.
At the end of the session Toni drew the card “intimacy”. She explained that she
did not experience any kind of intimacy with her husband, that she felt separated
from her inner self and restricted in her self-expression when he was around. She
related this back to her childhood years when she did not feel any intimacy towards
her parents and she considered the possibility that she needed to think about issues
of intimacy with regard to her present situation with her parents and her husband.

12.8.2.6 Group Development Process Session 4: Home

The fourth house in astrology stands for the home. It is usually loaded with
emotional impact and is linked with the concept of betrayal. It represents the family
and the ancestral line and is referred to as the house in which individuals carry
unfinished challenges. Since this house is connected to home, it is interlinked with
childhood experiences, parenting and being parented. The challenge in this house is
to cope with loyalty issues and the question of the price that individuals pay with
regard to unconscious loyalty. Questions that relate to this house are, for example:
“What are the wounds that I carry?”, “Where is the true residence of passion in
life?”, “How do the family roots influence an individual?”, and finally: “What does
the emotional life of an individual look like?”
In Toni’s fourth house was the Prostitute.
The Prostitute in the fourth house (Cancer)—Home, Chakra 1 and Chakra 4
The Prostitute archetype is interlinked with the fear of survival and the most
painful relationships a person has experienced within his/her life.
Toni explained that she always felt that she needed to be loyal to her parents, but
she did not feel a strong bond with her parents and her sister. She felt embarrassed
that she had never stood up in front of her family to express herself. She recognised
a lack of trust towards her parents and her sister and she was aware that this had
been a family pattern for several generations. She regretted the fact that she stayed
loyal to this pattern and regarded it as a weakness. Finally, Toni emphasised that her
faith and trust needed to be re-established and that she aimed at working on her faith
in herself and her present family, particularly her children.
Toni presented her family in terms of a constellation as follows (Fig. 12.3).
Interestingly, Toni always referred to her parents as one concept, not to two
individual persons, such as mother and father. When drawing the constellation
picture, Toni realised that she often felt ashamed of both of her parents in public
and that she used to exclude her parents from her own life and certain events,
because she felt ashamed to introduce them to, for example, her friends, her
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 291

Fig. 12.3 Toni’s family (research’s source from group development process)

teachers or the sport groups in which she was active. However, she could not
understand where the shame came from.
At the end of the session, the facilitator provided some healing advice for the
participants and referred to the resources they could activate to deal with their
wounds, their family, the challenges and burdens of their past. Some of these
included practising certain rituals in which the individuals start seeing and later
accepting their family of origin.
Toni drew the card “fear” and said that she feared realising that she was not as
much part of the family as she would like to be. The session ended for Toni very
emotionally and she highlighted that she needed time to deal with the issue of
inclusion and exclusion in her family and the topic of shame.

12.8.2.7 Group Development Process Session 5: Sexuality and Passion

Toni started the session with feedback to the group. She had worked on recognising
the source of her shame towards her parents and felt that this shame was part of the
family system. It felt to her like an intergenerational shame that had been passed on
to her from previous generations. However, she had not worked out for herself how
to deal with this intergenerational family shame which she experienced as a col-
lective family shame and not as an individual shame separating herself and her
parents. She emphasised that she felt much freer to deal with her parents since she
had made this discovery. She had also thought about inviting her parents to spend
time with them.
292 C.-H. Mayer

The fifth house, Leo, is related to the topics of sexuality and passion. It is about
“entering the desert” to create mental energy, intuition and creativity. In this house,
the activity to make things happen, to love and to act, as well as spontaneity and
opportunity are integrated. Intelligence and imagination are also based in this
house. The challenges connected to this house are spiritual crises, the potential
misuse of sexual power, the use of creativity for selfish manipulation and things that
are out of control. At the same time, Leo stands for fame, connection and fun in life
and for children. Experiences which fall under this house are intense and relate to
the question of what an individual loved and did with passion whilst growing up.
The Child (Nature Child) in the fifth house (Leo)—Creativity and good fortune,
Chakra 6
For Toni, the Child archetype was placed in the fifth house. She specified that
her Child archetype was the Nature Child. During the session she highlighted that
as a child she had enjoyed gardening, animals, sports and playing in natural
environments. She had spent many hours gardening in her grandmother’s garden
and walking through the forests by herself. At the same time, she realised with
sadness that the Nature Child within herself was not currently activated and present.
She reflected on how she could integrate it more in her life and developed the idea
to build a treehouse with her children and plant flowers on her balcony.
She drew the card “love” and reflected upon the fact that, for her, nature was
interlinked with love and that she loved her children most in her life. Her passion
and creativity were stimulated by nature and she developed the idea to reconnect
with her Nature Child, which she could recognise in her own children at that time.
She planned to spend more time in nature with her children.

12.8.2.8 Group Development Process Session 6:

Occupation and Health

The sixth house reflects the topics of occupation and health and is interlinked with
Virgo. This house refers to planning, control and perfection and is a
survival-oriented house. The challenge in this house is to find a balance in work and
life, negotiating morals and ethics for the sake of financial security whilst estab-
lishing self-worth. Questions that might need to be addressed in this house are, for
example, “How much time do individuals invest in life, work and family?” and
“Who is telling the truth?”.
The Pioneer in the sixth house (Virgo)—Occupation and health
The archetype that resides in this house influences an individual in the way
he/she seeks the path of security. In Toni’s house the Pioneer archetype resided
here. She enjoyed her work and she loved to do pioneering work in her life. She
was not afraid of financial (in-)security. She described herself as a perfectionist in
her work and suffered when she realised that she was not the “perfect mother” she
wanted to be for her children. She felt guilty, because she had focused a great deal
on her self-development within her profession during the past years and felt that she
should have focused even more on her children. She stated that she would like to
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 293

develop further in terms of her occupation, but she did not yet know in which
direction she would like to do so.
She drew the card “solitude” and said that she knew that she needed solitude to
find out where her personal path would take her during the next few years.

12.8.2.9 Group Development Process Session 7:

Marriage and Relationships

The seventh house relates to the sign of Libra. The associated topics connected are
marriage and relationships in terms of friendships, as well as business relationships.
This house relates to two other houses to form a cross: these are house 4 and house
10. The seventh house might therefore lead to the second encounter with betrayal
which an individual might already have experienced in the fourth house, the home.
If the challenging issues of the fourth house are not resolved, the individual might
live through them repeatedly.
The Rebel in the seventh house (Libra)—Marriage and relationships, Chakra 2
and Chakra 4
The Rebel was the archetype in Toni’s seventh house. This archetype is usually a
moving, energetic and happy archetype that does not conform to the norms of
society and cultural expectations regarding marriage and relationships. Toni
explained that she was unhappy in her marriage and that she had always been a
rebel in terms of societal norms. She had had several affairs during her marriage and
enjoyed being with friends. When thinking about her childhood, she explained that
she knew that her mother had also had several affairs during her marriage to Toni’s
father. She reflected that she experienced her mother’s affairs as betrayal, because
her mother had not been open about them. For many years, her mother had told her
children that their father was suffering from the delusional idea that she was
engaged in extramarital affairs. Toni realised that she felt betrayed by her mother,
not because of her affairs, but because she had discredited Toni’s father. She
realised in this session that she felt ashamed that she had trusted her mother and that
she had seen her father as paranoid. She explained that this situation had never been
part of further discussions between her and her parents; however, she highlighted
the point that she felt ashamed of her thoughts about her father and of her mother’s
behaviour.
At the end of the session, Toni drew the card “jealousy”. She remembered her
father’s jealousy, which she had previously experienced as pathological due to her
mother’s incriminations which had established fixed ideas about her father.

12.8.2.10 Group Development Process Session 8

The eighth house is defined as the house of other people’s resources and is con-
nected to Scorpio. It is interlinked with issues of money, sex and power and relates
to family inheritance, family secrets, power and repute.
294 C.-H. Mayer

This house refers to questions such as: “What stops the love and/or the flow in
life?”, “What stops the flow of money?”, “What is the risk of unrestricted power?”,
“What is the risk of giving up in terms of marriage, belief system and values?”,
“What does a person need to give up to gain power and how does a person reach
his/her highest potential?”
The eighth house is viewed as the house of transformation and relates to the
second house, which refers to the individual’s life values and individual resources.
The Saboteur in the eighth house (Scorpio)—Other people’s resources
During this session and the group sharing, Toni explained that she was aware of
several family secrets that she felt were habitually kept by her family. These secrets
were linked to the fact that hers was a poor family, a family which had lost much of
its wealth in the Second World War. She also pointed out that she did not feel in
control of her living conditions and she connected this belief to her grandparents’
and parents’ feelings during the Second World War of being disempowered and
having lost most of their possessions. She also felt that she was “unsuccessful” in
her family and occupational life in order to be loyal to her ancestors. She feared that
she placed the connection to her ancestors at risk by taking full control. This idea
seemed to scare her, because she felt that she hardly had any connection to her
parents and would not like to lose her (experienced) connection to her ancestors. At
the same time, Toni knew that she needed to free herself from the burden of her
ancestors. However, she said that she had not found the right way to do this yet. She
felt very alone in this task and was not surprised when she drew the card “solitude”
at the end of the session.

12.8.2.11 Group Development Process Session 9: Spirituality

The ninth house is the house of spirituality and it is linked to the sign Sagittarius.
As this is the house of spirituality, it is connected to issues of faith, to the rela-
tionship with the divine and the question of what is bigger than the individual
person. This house also relates to the question of, for example, how an individual
person surrenders, what spiritual rituals a person conducts and which spiritual path
a person follows.
The ninth house is strongly connected to the fifth house, which relates to cre-
ativity and good fortune.
The Wanderer in the ninth house (Sagittarius)—Spirituality
With regard to her spirituality, Toni felt very comfortable: she was Christian, but
had taken on some spiritual beliefs from Buddhism and Hinduism. She did not go to
church, but believed in a higher power. She explained that she was always
searching for spirituality in her life, but that she did not feel bound to any specific
institutional religion. She had attended Buddhist meditation, enjoyed praying in
Hindu temples and wandering through old churches. She sometimes felt guilty
because she had turned away from the church. However, she had always felt
ashamed of confessing her sins to the priest and maintained that she was happy that
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 295

she had decided for herself who to talk to about her inner feelings, sins, guilt and
shame.
At the end of the session she drew the card “pleasure and chocolate” and she
stressed that spirituality for her was a real pleasure that could be compared to the
indulgence of chocolate.

12.8.2.12 Group Development Process Session 10:

The Highest Potential

House 10 is the house of the highest potential and relates to the sign of Capricorn.
In this house, the topics of rejection and failure are the challenges. The central
question is what the reason might be that individuals do not reach their highest
potential. This central question relates to living one’s dream in life and is therefore
associated with the balancing of the soul and the mind. The shadow side of this
house is that it carries the fear of individual power and the challenge to feel what it
is like to be in the unknown.
The Addict in the tenth house (Capricorn)—Highest potential, Chakra 5 and
Chakra 7
Toni’s Addict archetype was placed in the tenth house. The facilitator explained
to Toni during the session that this archetype was strongly related to the topic of
shame. Toni was asked where and when in her life she felt most ashamed. Toni
recalled that during her childhood she felt ashamed when she failed in school, when
she was not the best and when she was seen with her parents in public. She said that
she was also ashamed that she was so different from her parents and her sister and
that often she would not talk, so that the differences would not become too obvious.
Toni later realised that possibly she had not reached her highest potential due to her
solidarity with her family and ancestors.
Toni was questioned where and when the most pleasant moment was that she
experienced with her mother and where she saw the strengths of her mother. She
responded that she did not recall any exceptionally pleasant moment with her
mother and that she was not sure where her mother’s strengths lay. However, she
explained that because she herself had never been able to identify her mother’s
strengths, she started failing in certain subjects she knew her mother was good in.
To the present day, Toni explained, she would call her mother, who was an
accountant, to help her with invoicing her clients because she believed she would
not be able to calculate her prices correctly. Toni explained that her mother made
fun of her because she was not able to calculate her invoices properly. During this
session she realised her (unconscious) effort in finding an area of expertise in which
she could see her mother as “bigger” than herself. She said in the session that she
had only just realised that she had always wished for a strong mother and that she
had tried to create a certain “bigness” in her mother by making herself smaller. At
the end of the session she admitted that she was very sad and upset with herself
about not being able to see her mother for what she was. She blamed her own
inability to see her mother’s strength, but even now she was unable to identify her
296 C.-H. Mayer

mother’s abilities. Toni attributes this inability to see her mother’s strength to the
fact that her mother hardly looked after her during childhood. She also felt that her
inability to see her mother’s strength was a reflection of her mother’s inability to
recognise Toni’s worth as a daughter. Toni could feel strong anger towards her
mother and realised that this was the first time she had expressed her anger, because
being angry and showing anger was taboo in her family. She felt very ashamed of
her feelings of anger, too.
The card Toni drew was “acceptance” and she realised that she had to accept her
mother as her mother and her anger towards her to be able to see her mother’s
strengths clearly.

12.8.2.13 Group Development Process Session 11:

The Relationship to the World

The eleventh house represents the relationship to the world and is in the sign of
Aquarius. It is connected to how a person sees the world and how he/she sees
himself/herself in the world. This house relates to the question of how an individual
takes the highest potential into the world and how he/she keeps up the flow in life.
Additionally, it refers to how a person inspires others and sees through the lens of
his/her possibilities. The facilitator explained that this house is connected to the
mantra “I surrender the outcome to the divine”.
The Student (Academic) in the eleventh house (Aquarius)—Relationship to the
world
Toni saw herself as a student and a lifelong learner. Although she held university
degrees, she aimed at developing herself, learning more, and always returned to the
student role with pleasure. She interpreted relationships with others as learning
experiences and tried to grow through them.
At the end of this session, Toni drew the card “failure”. She explained that she
enjoyed studying, but that she could not cope with failure and felt very ashamed
when she failed in formal learning situations and tests.

12.8.2.14 Group Development Process Session 12: The Unconscious

The twelfth house is the last house. It represents the unconscious and is connected
to the sign of Pisces. This house is also called the house of addiction and is viewed
as the house that controls everything. Since this is the house of the unconscious, it is
also seen as the house of intuition and gut feeling. Through this house, an indi-
vidual’s contract with life is expressed through unconscious ways, such as dreams,
conversations and synchronicity. A deeper reflection on this house can lead to a
deeper (spiritual) guidance.
The Artist (Author) in the twelfth house (Pisces)—The unconscious
Toni reported during the session that she was happy and surprised that her Artist
was in her twelfth house. She explained that she always had a drive for artistic
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 297

lifestyles and felt very ashamed that she led such a “normal life”. Her dream was to
live in a politically and eco-friendly artistic community, driven by the desire to
change the world through joy and art. After Toni expressed this desire, she blushed
and stressed that she felt very ashamed that she had expressed with her “childhood
dreams” to live like Pippi Longstocking, a character from a children’s book written
by Astrid Lindgren. She drew the card “affection” and asserted that she needed to
bring more emotions and affection into her life. She felt she would like to enjoy life
to the fullest, but currently felt as if she lived in a “glass cage” which cut her off
from her emotions, her feelings of love, her desires and her dreams to connect to
other human beings who also enjoy the arts and artistic lifestyles. Toni ended by
stating that she was feeling much better since she had spoken out about her
childhood dreams and her love for artistic and non-materialistic lifestyles.

12.8.2.15 The Wrap-Up Session

The final session of the group development course was a wrap-up session and the
discussion was on how the group process had helped the individuals to reflect and
develop. The participants were asked to sit quietly for half an hour in an individual
space and reflect on the question of which archetypes featured the strongest in their
life and which needed to be empowered.
Based on this question, the participants were given a take-away task: they were
instructed to define their relevant life topics, how they were dealing with the
challenges and their way forward in terms of transformation and their personal
vision.
A final session was planned for a month later. Toni worked on the three ques-
tions during this month. In the last group process session, the topics were presented
and discussed and explored further in a constellation work situation.
In the next part of the article, the findings regarding these three topics are
summarised and presented, based upon participant observation, field notes, collat-
eral talks and interviews with Toni after the last group session.

12.8.2.16 Step Three: Defining Relevant Life Topics

During all the group sessions, Toni identified several extremely important topics: of
primary importance was her relationship to her children, the transformation of the
relationship with her parents (from shame to acceptance), the end of the relationship
with her husband (of whom, she realised, she also felt ashamed) and the exploration
of her highest potential (with regard to healing, creativity and the exploration of her
Nature Child in the context of the self, with her children and her profession).
Finally, she realised her previously unconscious childhood dream to connect with
others who enjoy similar artistic, political and eco-friendly lifestyles. She under-
stood that it was time to move on and realise her individual dreams.
298 C.-H. Mayer

12.8.2.17 Step Four: Dealing with the Challenges—The Example

of Shame

Toni emphasised during an interview that it was a huge challenge for her to deal
with the knowledge that she was ashamed of her parents and her husband. With
regard to the shame towards her parents, she felt she would like to start talking
about her parents and their relationship with her in an acknowledging way. She
wanted to trace back the issue of shame in her family and see it from a systemic
perspective and in relation to previous family experiences. Furthermore, she drew
special attention to her wish that her children not feel ashamed of her and that she
would like to consciously address the topic of shame with them. However, she
emphasised that she often felt embarrassed about her husband and how he behaved
in public. She reflected on the positive effect that a break up with her husband might
have on her. Restoring the relationship and working with the feelings of shame in
the context of her relationship with her husband did not seem to be an option for
Toni.
Since Toni realised that she enjoyed studying and that this was part of the
development of her higher potential, she indicated that she would like to study
further—not in a classical way of attending university and training courses—but
rather in terms of self-development (artistic approaches, spiritual healing,
nature-based and eco-psychological approaches to life and well-being). Together
with her children she wanted to explore nature more deeply and settle in an artis-
tically, politically active and eco-friendly community. She confirmed that she no
longer felt ashamed for having brought these “childhood dreams” into her con-
sciousness, but that she was looking forward to realising them. Having identified
her needs, Toni felt a great sadness about having put off her dreams for so long.
However, she was motivated to find new ways of self-expression through music,
dance, literature and the work on nature- and politically based living communities.

12.8.2.18 Step Five: The Way Forward, the Transformation

and the Vision

One year after the group development session, Toni evaluated her development, her
transformation and her vision for the future. She affirmed that she no longer felt
ashamed of her parents. She was in contact with them on a regular basis and met
with them in public. She also gave her children more freedom. She had not yet left
her husband, but was in the process of finding a community in which to live.
Furthermore, she had decided to stop her counselling work for a while until she had
sorted out her own life. Her vision was to engage in a creative, artistic and eco-
logically friendly community where people are also involved in political contexts.
Her ideas about her life in this community were more detailed than a year before.
She indicated that she would enjoy gardening and would like to have a dog together
with her children, who were open to the idea. At the same time, she had started a
dancing course, was playing an instrument and taking singing lessons, thereby
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 299

exploring her artistic side more deeply. She felt energetic and revitalised with a
vision for her future development.
In the interview session, Toni disclosed that she had tackled some of the shadow
parts of her personality and her soul. However, she had become aware that there
was still considerable self-development waiting for her, and that what she had
focused on was merely the tip of the iceberg.

12.9 Discussion

Through the group development sessions that were based on theoretical approaches
of Jung and Myss, Toni was able to confront the unconsciousness (Jung 2009, xi).
She started realising the richness of her “inner world” (Jung 2009, 264) and
managed to bring important parts of her unconscious into her consciousness.
Through the work with shadow aspects, the archetypes and the conscious
exploration of her individual processes (Stein 2003), Toni got to know herself more
deeply, developed an active imagination of her vision and recovered her childhood
memories.
One important shadow aspect was the feeling of shame (as highlighted by Jung
2009), which was connected to Toni’s shame for her parents, the fear that her
children might feel ashamed of her (based on how she looked, how she behaved,
what she did) and the fear of shame due to failure.
Through the group sessions and later in her individual coaching sessions, Toni
explored how she could create more meaningfulness in her life and reconnect with
her soul and her childhood memories and dreams. The therapy sessions affected her
feelings of shame, which she transferred into a newly experienced freedom and
constructive positive psychological frameworks, as described by Jung (2009).
Furthermore, Toni brought the individual shame experience into her consciousness
and, finally, explored it at a collective (family) conscious level (Jung 1971a).
Through the exploration of the archetypes (Jung 1971b), Toni was able to explore
her shadow aspects and to transform her shame into a consciously acknowledged
issue. By addressing her deep-rooted shame for her parents, Toni could let go of the
embarrassment she felt for being her parents’ child and reduce her feelings of
inferiority towards her own children. By realising her shame for her husband, she
could take a step forward in admitting that she was ashamed of having married him.
In this way, she was able to improve her self-esteem and the meaning that the
relationship with her husband had for her during a specific time. Through her
self-understanding, Toni recreated her self-image from her personal perspective and
felt less vulnerable, less victimised and more empowered (Gamber 2014). One year
after the group sessions, Toni felt more mindful, more empowered and positive
towards the implementation of her visions into her life (as emphasised by Mayer
and Viviers 2014a, b).
As described by Gamber (2014, 249), Toni activated new leisure time resources,
musical activities, the exploration of new communities and time (meditative states)
300 C.-H. Mayer

in nature to reconnect with her soul, her dream and meaningfulness. As a result, she
was able to reconcile with herself to overcome shame and self-criticism.
Generally, Toni became more mindful of her archetypes and learned how to deal
with her emotions, thoughts and behavioural patterns (Myss and Shealy 1993).
With regard to the four universal archetypes (Myss 2002), Toni transformed par-
ticularly the Victim archetype (related to shame as an underlying issue as described
by Myss 2015) and acknowledged the (Nature) Child on a deeper level. As
emphasised by Behrendt and Ben-Ari (2012), Toni transformed the role of shame in
her inner conflicts into a positive force to develop her vision and to understand
herself better, based on a systemic family perspective (as emphasised by Harper and
Hoopes 1990). The therapeutical group process, as well as her individual coun-
selling sessions, helped her to contain her shame and transform it in the inner and
outer world (according to Jung 2009).

12.10 Conclusions and Recommendations

The aim of this chapter was to reflect on a process of psychological development of

a single individual in the format of a single case study. During this therapeutical
process, the topic of shame was uncovered as an important underlying issue of
self-development in the context of archetypal analysis and therapeutic development.
Toni first experienced shame as a soul eating emotion that blocked her deep
connection with her parents and her children. Shame was also found to play an
important role in her marriage. However, this shame was not transformed during the
therapeutical process, unlike the inter-generational shame she felt for her family of
origin and the fear of the shame she experienced within her own children. The
transformation of shame through conscious self-exploration and self-development
led Toni towards a transformation of the relationship with her parents, her children
and her husband and is currently guiding her on her way to realise her childhood
dreams.
Through the conscious exploration and transformation of shame, Toni felt
energetic, relieved, happy and closer to her soul than before. The transformation of
shame into acknowledging herself and others had a major impact on her trusting her
intuition and her long-hidden dream to become more artistically engaged and to
move into an eco-friendly, politically engaged spiritual community in the future.
Through mixed method approaches (qualitative and quantitative), future research
should focus on the exploration of the work with and the transformation of shame in
therapy and counselling sessions. The impact of shame and shameful experiences
across generations should be explored in family therapy and other related thera-
peutical approaches. Therapeutical interventions and their specific impact on the
work with and transformation of shame should be studied and models should be
developed for approaching the issue of shame in therapeutical contexts effectively.
The cultural context should be taken into account to deal with shame at a culturally
adequate level.
12 Shame—“A Soul Feeding Emotion”: Archetypal Work … 301

From a practical perspective, therapists and counsellors should focus on their

own blind spots with regard to shame, shameful and shameless experiences. They
should become more self-conscious and aware of shame as an unconscious driver in
daily routines, as well as shadow and archetypical work in therapy sessions.

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