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UNIT 6 CONFLICT AMONG C1',rJPI.,ES IN
MARITAL RELATIONSIIIPS
Structure
6.1 Introduction

6.2 Marital Conflict

6.2.1 Marital Conflict in Young Couples
6.2.2 Marital Conflict in Older Couples
6.2.3 Complicating Factors in Couple Relationship
6.2.4 Guidelines for Assessment of Marital Conflict

6.3 SeparationlDivorce
6.3.1 Socio-cultural Factors in Separation/Divorce
6.3.2 Psychological Factors in Separation/Divorce
6.3.3 Complicating Factors in Separation/Divorce
6.3.4 Guidelines for Evaluating Separation/Divorce Issues

6.4 Let Us Sum Up

6.5 Glossary

6.6 Answers to Check Your Progress Exercises

6.7 Unit End Questions

6.8 Further Readings and References

6s1 INTRODUCTION
Marital relationships between persons from South Asian cultures are more
complex than similar relationships in the 'Western or individualistic cultures. The
relationship atmosphere between a husband 8J1d a wife is often a result of
experiences from three perspectives. These are: 1.. Core relationship dimensions
(cohesion, affection, roles, etc); 2. Family based circumstances that influence
couples in how they view each other in their roles as parent and in decision-
making, financial management, relationships with each other's parents and
siblings; and 3. Psychological constructions of relationships in each partner. This
includes ideology of close relationships, guidelines for commitment, views about
separation and divorce, hidden psychological ideas about barriers to commitment
and barriers to divorce and opinions about failures of other people in
relationships.

Families in South Asian regions; incl: ding India (which this unit would focu-
on), are quite varied. They are so experiencing changes, based on the region
and impact of media or globalization and economic aspirations, and other such
factors. Yet, there are certain striking features of our families, Relationships-are
,very important for everyone. Being seen like a family-oriented person is a
desirable social quality. People usually hesitate to proclaim their emotional self-
sufficiency to others. Influences of what others say or think are likely to think
are stronger on relationships compared to one's own conviction ill one's views
0= relationships. Close family members often discourage distressed persons from 5
WO/'king with Couples reflecting too closely on relationship concerns. Cultural, religious, spiritual, and
social processes build the notion of a single lifetime partner. Arranged marriages
are quite common so together these ideas make most people assume that there
is something magical about good marriages - it is luck or fate or karma.
Thus, quite often conflict is not recognized as conflict or discord. 'Troubled
marriages' as a preferred term is often a good index of identifying conflictual
marriages. Marital experiences are over very long periods, they are very intense
for both persons, they are considered to be the cause of everything else that
happens to the persons after marriage in all other domains of work, health,
family relationships, children and their lives in later years, and the status of the
family in society.

Fearabout outcome of all marriages is more pervasive now than it was a few
decades ago. Many marriages function in long tunnels of dissatisfaction, which
cannot be labeled as unhappiness, noises that cannot be labeled as fights,
following old tracks in interactions out of fear of the invisible new tracks of
change. When things are visible clearly, it happens only episodically and briefly
before the next tunnel appears ahead.
Gender, patriarchy and discriminations have been tackled well in these cultures
in economic and work contexts, but in families, certain things remain unchallenged
even now. For example in arranged marriages, women having to 'adjust' to
husband and 'in-Iaws'- even if they are not physically close by. There is an
assumption that after marriage the couple will perpetuate traditions and value
system of the husband's family rather than the wife's. Where they both agree
to do a few things afresh - jointly and uniquely, they still have to present
it to the world as not such a big achievement.

This unit illustrates the importance of studying marital conflict in a counselling'

and family therapy context.

Presentations in a counselling and family therapy setup can be quite complex

though now more and more couples become aware of relationship concerns
quite early. With couples paying more attention to expectations of affection,
intimacy and emotional understanding from each other, and less satisfied with
family related roles and expectations, couples require a deeper psychological
approach in counselling/family therapy. Moreover, in any counselling/family
therapy setting, clients seek help for a variety of problems. Quite often they
would be facing difficulties with husband or wife or feel confused within oneself.
If the counsellor/family therapist is not prepared to understand relationships, a
non-directive approach towards resolution of conflicts may cause more harm
to the client. In order to help clients pick up healthy and adaptive approaches
in life, the counsellor's/family therapist's perspective offers a reality contact for
relationship experiences and can promote healthy choices.
Objectives

After studying this Unit, you will be able to:

• Discriminate between marital conflict that can be resolved and marital
. .that cannot be resolved;
conflict

• Understand that complicated marriages due to social issues like dowry,

intercaste/ interreligious factors, violence and unsafe family contexts may
be beyond the framework of the person coming for counselling;
6
• Appreciate that hurts, strong emotional reactions and strong negative feelings Conflict Among Couples
in Marital Relationships
may still be signs of attachment, and scope may be there for resolving
conflict, especially in younger marriages; and

~ Identify that older marriages may have already found a convenient pattern
of separation but without divorce.

6.2 MARITAL CONFLICT

6.2.1 Marital Conflict in Young Couples
Conflict among young couples is typically observed in the initial stages of marital
life. An initial task of marriage is to accommodate each other's need and form
a couple bond: Each spouse should have a healthy separation and negotiated
altered relationship pattern with her or his family of origin. Families of origin
are also sometimes unwilling to re-alter their relationship with their daughter or
son and allow space for the new family member that aggravates the difficulty
in forming this 'couple bond'. The inherent difficulty in creating and maintaining •
a couple identity within the larger familial network of in-laws is further
compounded by the changes in perception towards the institution of marriage.
With the cultural changes in urbanization, the increase in nuclear dual-income
households and the media influence in shaping the aspirations of individual and
family life, marriages have considerably changed in the past two decades. At
present, spousal expectations have changed to a higher emphasis on intimacy
and companionship, However, the traditional value system remains within a more I

modem outlook te:>marriage. For example, at present, the wife's position in

a marriage remains subordinate to that of her husband although there is more
communication and couple time than that was present earlier. Decision-making
in most households remains with the husband and his parents although the wife
may be an income-earning family member. These differing values often lead to
friction and resentment and are a source of most conflicts among young couples.

Common areas of conflict for young couples are discussed below:

• Expectations: Couples often enter into marriage before fully understanding

and communicating their expectations about the other or they refuse to
modify their initial expectations of each other post their marriage. This low
level of communication about expectations is compounded by popular myths
such as mind reading ('He should know what I would expect'). As spousal
needs are often unexpressed or unclear, the expectations about these needs
and the needs per se remain unmet.

• Finance: Most couples argue about 'How money should be earned' and
'What it should be spent for'. Conflicts about finance take the form of
conflict about decision-making, roles, and career decisions. Traditional
balances of power remain in dual-income families and only few wives use
their eo-provider roles as leverage to demand help from their husbands
in domestic duties, and the kitchen still remains the place of the wife. Dowry
based difficulties continue to be prevalent in educated middle class
households and often the wife is coerced into revealing details about her
pay slips, loans, etc. The spouses need to negotiate finances and make
conjoint decisions about the same, while respecting and accepting the
opinions of their respective families of origin.
7
Working with Couples • Intimacy: Young couples place high importance on intimacy, companionship
and initiative; and marriages of distressed couples are characterised by low
levels of intimacy and affection and a fear of self-disclosure. Spouses find
it difficult to segregate coupletime and frequent quarrels occur about one's
demonstrations of affection and intimacy. In addition, gender differences
contribute to the concept of intimacy and spouses must clarify these
concepts so that one partner's notion of intimacy is not abrasive to the
other. For example, women often define intimacy as 'shared discussions'
while husbands regard intimacy as 'shared activities'. With the bombardment
of media images about intimacy, it is imper,ative that young couples
understand that intimacy can take several forms and intimacy can be
affectional (a hug), intellectual (listening to the other's opinion), supportive
(helping with errands) and activity-oriented (going for walks together) and
does not exclusively refer to sexual intimacy. Intimacy needs to be nurtured
and protected from conflict in order for intimacy to be an area of couple
strength.
•
• Communication: Communication is a major source of conflict and distress
among all couples and is a common reason for couples to seek marital
therapy. Misunderstandings and disagreements are common. One spouse
may also invalidate or discard the thoughts and feelings of the other. Fear
about communication of one's actual thoughts and feelings and the need
to win in an argument enhances the probability that the couple's argument
will spiral and escalate, and result in threats and verbal and emotional abuse.
Among distressed couples, communication is either predominately conflictual
with high noise levels or it is minimal and need-based. Communication about
feelings (especially positive feelings such as love and affection) are low,
which leads to psychological distancing between the spouses. Marriages
tend to require good communication practices at three levels: between the
spouses, between the wife and the l1usband's family of origin; and between
the couple and their families of origin and friends. The role of ensuring
the maintenance of these communications is the responsibility of both
spouses.

6.2.2 Marital Conflict in Older Couples

Older couples share several marital conflicts that are experienced by younger
couples. As some marital conflicts often remain unresolved in the initial stages
of marital life, these conflicts resurface later when parenting responsibilities are
completed. Issues of affection and reinforcement are common complaints of
wives at a later stage of marriage. The woman's needs are often subjugated
to that of the husband's and are reinforced with the prevalent societal norms
of familial ideology. However, these needs emerge with more clarity during middle
adulthood and old age when the parenting and familial responsibilities have been
reduced. The rise of nuclearisation has compounded these factors. Similarly, for
husbands, existential issues of work and finance take the form of marital conflicts
and disagreements.

Some of the common areas of marital conflict among older couples are listed
below:

• Finance and property related disagreements: Older couples often

argue about property, loans and 'pay packets'. Property disputes are
8 common and often include the influence of the extended family and friends.
 Prior 'half-resolved' financial disputes and obligations also become the focus Conflict Among Couples
in Marital Relationships
of marital disagreements among older couples.

• Parenting styles: As the couples' children became teenagers, the result

of parenting styles become evident and can be a source of dispute. The
wife often plays the 'caregiver' role whilst the husband undertakes the
, 'breadwinner' instrumental role. Associated with the common complaints
of parenting, a teenager is the scrutiny that is placed on the wife's parenting
styles. This leads to the wife's frustration and anger as parenting has been
a primary responsibility. It is important, that while counsellors and family
therapists work with older couples, they keep in mind the family context
and the roles played by both spouses and help these couples to find common
ground for improvement.

• Unresolved relationship anxieties: If issues like economic independence

and fulfillment of emotional needs have been inadequately discussed earlier
in marriage, they tend to resurface when the children grow up. Decision-
making processes and power issues are questioned and spousal re- •
negotiations are required.

• Retirement and health-related concerns: Marital quality and satisfaction

in marital interactions associates with the individuals' satisfaction post
retirement. However, if the couple has poor marital quality, the retirement
process becomes a bane and the dissatisfaction escalates.

Health issues also become paramount among older couples and the roles of
caregiving may become accentuated if one spouse has an injury or serious illness.
With the rise of nuclear households, spouses often have to depend on each
other for the emotional and physical support through these crises whilst the
children may provide financial aid. The prior marital quality and level of
understanding and cohesion between the spouses play a key role in determining
how these 'new' caregiving roles are viewed.

6.2.3 Complicating Factors in Couple Relationship

While the present-day households may often be nuclear in size, marriages in
the Indian context are still joint in functionality and involve the role of a larger
system that includes the families of origin and social and religious leaders. All
these systems exerttheir influence on the couple system that needs to develop
as a separate unit but maintain its relationship with these larger networks. The
couple faces the difficulty of adjusting to each other and developing a shared
philosophy of life within the first few years of marriage, whether in an arranged
marital conte v.t or in an inter-caste and inter-religious context. Assistance
provided by the spouse's families of origin during the marital ceremony and
in the initial marital years can become a strong source of support for the couple.
Initial dowry issues or other familial arguments about finance 'Orthe lack of
support by one spouse's family of origin can lead to strong emotional reactions
and re-surface in marital arguments.

The wife often needs to play a tightrope between making her own personal
adjustments post marriage whilst adjusting to the needs of her husband and
in-laws. Societal attitudes toward parenting and childcare also complicate the
couples' relationship as the couples try to manage a household, fulfill the parenting
responsibilities, and meet their occupational requirements.
9
. Working with Couples Work stress and prolonged working hours affect marital interactions and marital
quality among both single-income and dual-income couples. The flexibility in work
timing becomes a double-edged sword and impacts the time the spouses spend
together by lowering marital communication and intimacy. Frustration, anger and
frequent quarrels are commonplace as work strain and market competitiveness
increase daily. Role overlap can also occur wherein the couple tries to solve
a marital conflict within a few minutes using a piecemeal approach, which is
similar to that used at work.

The level of marital distress perceived by each spouse is another factor that
complicates marital relationships. Often, the spouses do not notice or deal with
their difficulties earlier in their marital life and view it as a 'taboo' to seek
professional help. This often results in irreconcilable difficulties at a later stage
and a marital vacuum. Whilst one spouse may perceive the marriage as 'troubled'
or highly distressed, the other spouse may deny the difficulty completely. Gender
also influences how spouses view their difficulties and their approaches to
resol ving the same. •

Counsellors and family therapists need to factor in and address these issues
relating to the families of origin, the work-related difficulties, and the possible
discrepant spousal levels of marital distress whilst helping the couple. The
traditional Westernized model of dyadic therapy for only the couples' issues
is too simplistic in the Indian, or broadly, the South Asian context.

6.2.4 Guidelines for Assessment of Marital Conflict

Marital conflict can be addressed through a comprehensive assessment of the
couple context. The counsellor or family therapist must seek to obtain the
perspectives of both spouses equally in a non-judgmental approach. The
counsellor must encourage the couple to quote specific examples from their
marital life of how they deal with their marital conflicts and understand the
thoughts and feelings of each spouse about the event. The counsellor should
also identify the couple's marital strengths and make the same evident to the
couple.

The following points can be used to assess the functioning of the couple:

• Process of conflict resolution: The counsellor should seek to understand

how a typical conflict develops, the initiator of the conflict, the time that
conflict usually develops and the sequence of a conflict. Asking the couple
for 2-3 specific conflicts or arguments and their versions of what happened
will help an understanding of the process of conflict. Attention should also
be paid as to how the marital conflict gets resolved, the time usually taken
for the conflict to get resolved, the role each spouse plays in resolving
the conflict and their perspectives on forgiveness.

• Content of conflict: It is useful to identify the topic of frequent arguments.

This will help identify whether the conflictual issue is a minor difficulty or
a manifestation of a larger deeper conflictual issue. For example: a wife
complaining that her husband comes home late from work may reflect poor
spousal communication of his work role, or that the wife feels that she
is uncared for because her husband spends all his time and energy at work.

• Communication: Couple communication should be examined to determine

10 if the marital communication between the spouses and families of origin
 is direct and verbal or indirectly stated. The assessment should also include Conflict Among Couples
whether there are differences in communication styles between the spouses in Marital Relationships

(who is more open and expressive, etc.), whether feelings are adequately
expressed (both positive and negative feelings) and whether spousal
communication occurs only in crises and arguments.

• -Power and leadership: As most conflicts are about power and decision-
making, it is imperative to assess how decision-making is carried out, who
is the predominant decision maker, whether the decision-making structure
is accepted, or whether the decisions are challenged continuously.

• Roles: The counsellor should examine the roles played by each spouse
(who is the breadwinner of the family, who is the caregiver, and the
amalgamation), whether these roles were discussed and decided upon and
the subsequent acceptance by each spouse of these roles. Whether each
spouse fulfills the expectations of her or his role and whether there is more
role strain on one spouse should also be assessed. For example, a working
woman may experience high role strain as she has to solely juggle the role
of an employed woman, a home maker, a wife and a mother.

• Cohesion and intimacy: The assessment should also focus on what makes
the couple feel close, how the spouses encourage each other and whether
the spouses share common activities and perceive their marital bond to
have formed.

Understanding these 'points and knowledge about the living arrangement of the
couple can facilitate a thorough insight into their marital conflict and determine
the level of marital conflict.

Couple conflict can be resolved when the conflict is at the level of a problem
or a disagreement. When the conflict is larger and involves issues such as
extramarital relationships, physical or verbal abuse, or severe marital discord,
the couple should be referred to a professional marital therapist who may need
to help the couple decide what their marital future should be.

Check Your Progress Exercise 1

Note: a) Read the following questions carefully and answer in the space
provided below.

b) Check your answers with those provided at the end of this Unit.

1. What are common areas of conflict for young couples in the

Indian context?

................................... i6 .

I1
 Working with Couples
2. List 2-3 guidelines used to assess marital conflict.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• 6 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••.•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

6.3 SEPARATIONIDIVORCE
The terms separation and divorce have definitions based on physical and legal
parameters. However, in counselling, it is important to make use of the concept
of dissolution-potential as well. Psychologically, any couple relationship can be
•
rated for its dissolution potential. Over the decades, the dissolution-potential
•• of the married population seems to have increased. There are more people
deliberating about separation or divorce ideologically even without a major cause
for unhappiness in a relationship. Many seem to feel that the idea of moving
on to another relationship is what they owe to themselves when partner is
unhappy with self. Many feel unskilled in negotiating relationship conflict and
want to move away to make the partner feel better. Lastly, the counsellor must
notice that all periods of separation are not confused as signs of ending the
relationship. Many couples have separations ranging from few months to few
years for work goals, children's education, or other family goals like caregiving
responsibilities for other dependents.

6.3.1 Socio-Cultural Factors in Separation/Divorce

While there have been socio-cultural changes in our country that have a bearing
on the attitude towards marriage and divorce, the stigma of divorce is still
predominant. Couples sometimes prefer the option of staying in a household
without any marital interaction to separation and divorce. Marital separation also
does not often result in legal divorce, and the spouses just return to their
respective families of origin for an indefinite duration. During a period or
separation or divorce, the spouses become apprehensive to inform their current
marital status to their extended family and friends. Masking the reality is an
oft-preferred option. When conveyed, frequent advice giving by family members
is common. This can hinder the divorcee's progress 'to move on' in other life
domains as there is a continual reminder about their marital difficulties and status.
These aspects lead couples to delay their decision about separation and spouses
continue to stay married despite adverse marital difficulties and abuse. An
additional conflicting factor prevalent in the society is the 'necessity' for society
to do a post-moratorium of the marriage and attribute blame. Responsibility
for a failed marriage is often ascribed to the woman, who is viewed as dominant
and aggressive and the cause of distress.

6.3.2 Psychological Factors in Separation/Divorce

While childlessness exerts a stron« influence on the divorce rates in our country,
., there is an increasing proportion ot u; \ orce " and separations among couples
 with young children. This becomes an added strain for the woman divorcee. LOll/ J" I \ mong Couples

Childcare coupled with the responsibility of being the breadwinner prevents many in Marital Relationships

women from divorcing their husbands. Psychologists perceive that 'women view
'divorce as a greater failure than men do, as women invest more in the family
and take a larger responsibility for the marriage.

Infertility is often a cause for divorce in Indian and South Asian marriages. Here,
the individual distress experienced by the spouses is aggravated by their
frustrations with failed pregnancies. The extended family members become more
resentful than being sources of support and the spouses turn to each other with
blame and anger. Poor coping in these crises is a common cause of divorce,
and other alternatives such as adoption are perceived with disdain. Providing
counselling in fertility Clinics and gynecological centers may help prevent
separation and divorces due to this reason.

A divorce is one of the most stressful events that can occur in one's life and
this period is associated with a risk for mental illness. Women are prone to •
depression while men can become dependent on alcohol and other addictive
substances. A pre-existing psychiatric and/or medical condition can also flare
up at this time. A counsellor must ensure that a mental health assessment is
carried out for each spouse and regular follow-ups on the same are undertaken.

6.3.3 Complicating Factors in Separation/Divorce

In the present socio-economic scenario, one has started placing a, higher
emphasis on individual autonomy and less on familial dependence. Factors like
urbanization, education and the influence of mass media highlight the concept
of individual choice and self-related decisions. Distressed spouses are often tom
between the decision to make an individual choice that may benefit them and
facing the societalliability and stigma of divorce. This decision is aggravated
by the following complicating factors: .

• Stigma about the single parent or divorcee: The Indian culture

stigmatizes single parenthood more than divorce and as a result, spouses
who are parents may prefer being trapped in a marriage rather than the
choice of a divorce. Women have additional difficulties in raising children
single-handedly and society's condemnation of this behaviour is reflected
.in the difficulty of a single parent to obtain admissions for children in schools
or colleges, arrange marriage for her son or daughter, etc. The fear of
these discriminations increases the chances that divorce may be viewed
as :1 better option but remains an unsought option for most wives.

• Financial obligations: Financial obligations (maintenance charges) for the

husband become a burden that most husbands are uncomfortable to bear.
The issues about these payments and the additional strain to contribute
part of their income for several years becomes difficult if the husband has
to provide financial support to his ageing parents as well. Hence, the
marriage remains status quo for long periods of time.

• Legal issues: The divorce laws in our country are unfavourable for both
men and women and the lengthy legal procedure of obtaining divorce adds
to the psychological and financial strain already present from the beginning
of separation. Legalities vary across couples and couples with children may
experience biased legal outcomes. These issues increase the resentment and
13
Working with Couples anger of the spouses and prevent these individuals from progressing in other
domains of life.

While legislations such as Section 498A and women's support groups are
advocated to protect the rights of women, they have been occasionally
misused in the Indian context. Husbands perceive the law as biased towards
women whilst wives report that although legislations exist, the processes
become too burdensome for them. The injustice in the legal system is an
often-quoted complaint of most individuals in the process of divorce and
this leads many individuals to remain separated, without going through the
legal formalities of divorce.

• Psychological difficulties: In addition to the above, spouses can become

revengeful and have mixed feelings toward their spouses. While most
individuals seek to understand what happened and why it occurred, friends
and family members encourage them to 'forget about their past and move
on'. This becomes difficult for the husband and/or wife who spend Iiours
vacillating in emotions and thoughts about their ex-spouses. Counsellors
need to be sensitive to these distressed individuals and help them to prevent
them from harming themselves and/or their ex-spouse and ex-spouse's kin.

6.3.4 Guidelines for Evaluating Separation/Divorce Issues

In general, divorce is the last opufm for marriage counsellors. However, when
certain marital factors are present, divorce therapy becomes the focus of
counselling sessions. The counsellor must be an expert with years of experience
in marital issues and without reluctance to suggest divorce as an option, if the
couple case indicates the same.

The factors that can be used to evaluate separation/divorce issues are discussed
below:

• Cohesion: It is important to assess the level of connectedness that the

spouses perceive between themselves or whether the spouses exist as
independent members living within the same household without any
interactions or with minimal interactions.

• Abuse: Emotional verbal and physical abuse is an indicator of a distressed

marriage and the counsellor should examine the level of abuse present and
educate the spouses on how to prevent the same. Verbal abuse is often
minimized as unimportant and the counsellor must not be prejudiced to
the same. Both forms of abuse have long-lasting repercussions on the
individual. It is also important to note the prior level of forgiveness and
trust present and the individual psychological resources to cope with this
crisis. Physical abuse has become more pronounced in the recent decade
and awareness on women's rights appears to have resulted more in family
feuds than better coping strategies.

• Extramarital relationships: Couples often seek help when one spouse

has had an extramarital relationship and hence, counsellors need to be
attuned to dealing with the same. Betrayal of trust takes years to repair
and the couple must be helped to strike a balance between allowing
forgiveness, attempts to change, and to lower the overall level of suspicion.
For example, if a husband has had an extramarital relationship but both
14
 spouses still want to work together, the husband must indicate that he has Conflict Among Couples
ended the extramarital relationship and make further attempts to build his in Marital Relationships

wife's trust in him. However, the counsellor must help the wife to contain
her suspicion and provide the husband with opportunities for change whilst
avoiding the blame and grudge-keeping game.

Overall, divorce can be considered as a good option if there is any evidence

, of irrevocable psychological harm to any partner. Family patterns that suggest
unchangeable emotional distance or intense hostility or harmful family and social
processes that prevent healthy goals for the partners are indicators that ending
the marital relationship may be a better outcome for all concerned. Major
obstacles in approaching this as an appropriate solution are: fear of being viewed
asa failure in relationship, limited options for intimate relationships after divorce,
custody and long-term parenting responsibilities for children, and men and women
being deprived of understanding and support from their respective families as
well as friends. It is also fairly common for some couples to remain trapped
on divorce discussions in a very chaotic way but not follow legal procedures. .'
When the couple has had any major episode where either partner has been
humiliated or shamed, where police complaints have been made, or where
neighbours or friends have witnessed fights, couple needs to recover psychologically
from that humiliation in order to facilitate a smooth transition to single hood.

Divorce procedure is quite chaotic and painful not only because of the couple
but also because of the unfamiliarity with the legal procedures, best options,
mistrust of advices from professionals, inadequate information, added to the
unique suggestions from each and every well wisher for the couple. Put together,
these are enough to disempower the couple and prevent good conflict resolution.
Any circumstances that empower the couple can help improve resolution style.

Check Your Progress Exercise 2

Note: a) Read the following questions carefully and answer in the space
provided below.

b) Check your answers with those provided at the end of this Unit.

1. What are complicating factors in separation or divorce in the

Indian context?

2. What should a counsellor ensure to when she or he is doing

counselling for a distressed couple that is on the verge of divorce?

15
Working with Couples
6.4 LET US SUM UP
In this Unit, we have learnt that marital conflict, separation, and divorce in South
Asian marriages; including Indian marriages, cannot be approached from a
simplistic perspective. The need for the counsellor to segregate her or his own
value system from the couples' requirements and societal norms becomes
imperative. The counsellor should not and cannot become just another societal
instrument.

Young and older couples share many similar issues of marital conflict. If these
issues are not resolved during the early years of marital life, they can resurface
at a later stage as unresolved relationship anxieties. The level of marital conflict
can be assessed through an examination of the processes and content of conflict
resolution as well as an evaluation of core relationship dimensions of power,
leadership, communication, cohesion, roles, expectations, and intimacy. The
counsellor should also be able to discriminate and help clarify to the couple
the differences between marital conflict that can be resolved from that which
cannot and the counsellor must not be hesitant to help the couple with divorce
therapy if required.

In India as well as other South Asian countries, separation is more prevalent

than divorce and marriages can exist in interactional vacuums. Older couples
may find that minimal need based interactions are more convenient options to
separation and divorce. In order to assist couples, counsellors must be sensitive
to these socio-cultural and psychological aspects and have adequate knowledge
about the legal issues concerning divorce.

6.5 GLOSSARY
Abuse Physical or verbal mistreatments and insults that
occur in a domestic context.

Cohesion Level of connectedness and 'we-feeling' that

spouses experience toward the couple unit.

Communication . The spousal exchange of information that should .

result in increased understanding and awareness
about each other.

Divorce The final dissolution of marriage, leaving both

spouses legally free to marry again.

Extramarital relationships: Romantic relationship (with/without sexual

relations) that occurs between one spouse and
a third party outside the marital context.

Intimacy Verbal and/or nonverbal expressions of closeness,

care and affection that are shared by spouses.

T.eack rship The pattern of decision-making and the distribution

of power between the spouses.

Marital conflict Marital distress reflected from the incompatible

iCl
needs and wishes of the spouses.
Separation An arrangement by which a husband and wife Conflict Among Couples
remain married but live apart. in Marital Relationships

6.6 ANSWERS TO CHECK YOUR PROGRESS

EXERCISES
Check Your Progress Exercise 1

1. Common areas of conflict for young couples in the Indian context are
expectations, finance, and intimacy and communication.

2. To assess marital conflict, the couple's typical processes of conflict resolution

and content must be examined in detail. The role structure, leadership, and
communication styles must also be assessed.

Check Your Progress Exercise 2

1. Complicating factors in separation or divorce in the Indian context are stigma •

about single parenthood or divorce, financial obligations, legal issues and
psychological difficulties.

2. The counsellor must make sure that she or he does not hecome prejudiced
and judgemental. However, in cases of cruelty and abuse, the counsellor
may need to break the neutral couple position and take the role of
empowering one spouse to make important decisions. The counsellor should
also regularly assess the partners for signs of mental illness.

6.7 UNIT END QUESTIONS

1. What are the common signs of marital conflict?

2. Distinguish between marital conflict in younger couples and older couples.

3. List the psychological factors arising from the social system that can influence
marital conflict.

4. Why do certain marriages not dissolve despite severe discord'!

5. How do socio-cultural factors and psychological factors affect divorce?

6. Elaborate in your own words the principles you will use to assess dissolution
potential for a couple.

7. Is the increasing prevalence of separation and divorce a result of Ll1ang!f1g

cultural acceptability?

8. How will you discriminate between marital conflict that can be resolved
and marital conflict that cannot be resolved?

6.8 FURTHER READINGS AND REFERENCES

Bhatti, R.S., Shah, A., & Udaya Kumar, GS. (1998), Study of family dimension"
in Indian families. Indian Journal of Social Psychiatry, 14. 22-29.

Bhatti, R.S., Varghese, M. & Raguram, A. (2003). Changing /1/(//1/(,1 II/d

[amily systems: Challenges to conventional models ill mental tu-ulth,

1!
Bangalore: NIMHANS publication.
\\ orking \I ilh Couples Bharath, S. & Desai, M. (1995). Indian bibliographies on the family. Mumbai:
TlSS publication.

Desai, M. (1994). Family and interventions: A course compendium. Mumbai:

TISS publication.

Isaac, R. & Shah, A. (2004). Sex roles and marital adjustment in Indian couples.
International Journal of Social Psychiatry, 50, 129-]4l.

Olson, D.H. & DeFrain, J. (1994). Marriage and the family: Diversity and
strengths. Toronto: Mayfield.

Shah, A. & Rao, K. (2007). Psychological research in Mental Health and

Neuroscience 1957-2007. Bangalore: NIMHANS publication.

TlSS. (1991). Research on families with problems in India. Vol I and 2.

Mumbai: TlSS publication.

TlSS. (1994). Unit of family studies: Enhancing the role of the family liS
an agency for social development. Chapter 2, 3, 4, 15. Mumbai: TlSS
publication.

Weingarten, H. & Leas, S. (1987). Levels of marital conflict model: A guide

to assessment and intervention in troubled marriages. American Journal of
Orthopsychiatry, 57, 407-417.