This booklet contains insights on how to lead a chaste life and

why abortion is never a solution to unplanned pregnancies.

“
CHASTI
TY”
Any Country that accepts Abortion is not teaching its people to love but to
use any violence to get what they want.
Its a pity achild must die so that you live as you wish.
Mother Teresa

The so called right

to Abortion has
portrayed the
GREATEST OF
GIFTS
“A CHILD”
as a Competitor,
an intrusion and
an inconvenience.

"The highest wisdom is the science of right living. Pro-Life Movement,

If u possess that, then you’re great........ ..." Uganda Martyrs’ Catholic Chaplaincy
St. Thomas of Villanova. Kyambogo University
ABSTRACT

To be Pro-Life means to defend life, thus any Pro-Life movement is

charged with the task of defending and promoting life from conception
to natural death.
In Kyambogo University under the Catholic Chaplaincy, we are
privileged to have such a movement that promotes the culture of life.
The right to life is the most fundamental human right from which all
others flow. Like all other believers, we believe that life is sacred, a gift
from God and should be protected as such since life has its authentic
origin in God.
Like its mother Uganda Martyrs Pro-Life Apostolate of Kampala
Archdiocese, the Pro-life movement of Kyambogo University addresses
issues that put the dignity of the human person in danger. These include
but not limited to the following: abortion, sexual immorality,
pornography and its associated addictions, use of contraceptives.
In this booklet we have addressed some of the above issues. Dear
Reader, we hope you find insights captured in this booklet very
important in living a good life and thus we implore you to share this
message of life with very many people.

Love and let live.

Compiled by;
Mugabi Andrew
Chairperson Pro-Life Movement 2016/17, 2017/18
Table of Contents
ABSTRACT ..............................................................................................1
CHASTITY ...............................................................................................4
What is chastity?.....................................................................................4
WHY DO WE NEED TO BE CHASTE?.................................................5
OTHER REASONS TO BE CHASTE ................................................14
HOW TO STAY CHASTE. ....................................................................17
HOW CAN I BE CHASTE? ...................................................................22
Ways to Say No. ...................................................................................22
DATING STRATEGIES......................................................................26
Having and Keeping Your High Standards .......................................30
IF NOT SEX, WHAT CAN I DO? HOW FAR? .................................32
WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON .............................................40
PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS EFFECTS ................................................44
EFFECTS OF PORN ON YOUR SEX LIFE .........................................47
HOW TO BREAK PORNOGRAPHIC ADDICTION. .......................52
How to go about it; ............................................................................54
Break the cycle of porn addiction in 4 easy steps ................................56
Here are four key steps to overcoming porn addiction. ....................58
MASTURBATION & SEXUAL FANTASY = IMPOTENCE .............62
Harmful effects of masturbation to be considered. ..............................64
Breaking addiction to masturbation. ....................................................66
INDECENT DRESSING .......................................................................69
ABORTION ............................................................................................73

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 2
 EXPLORING AND DISMISSING THE REASONS FOR
ABORTION..........................................................................................74
CONTEMPLATING AN ABORTION? BE INFORMED!...................79
ABORTION AFTERMATH ................................................................80
What makes abortion murder?...........................................................80
The linkage between abortions and suicide.......................................81
CAN ABORTION BE SAFE? ................................................................83
DEALING WITH ABORTION'S AFTERMATH-PYSCHOLOGICAL
HELP. ...................................................................................................84
The impact of not grieving the loss incurred ................................86
DEALING WITH ABORTION’S AFTERMATH-SPIRITUAL HELP.
...............................................................................................................86
REPENTANCE, FORGIVENESS, DELIVERANCE –HEALING. 88
UNVEILING THE MASK OF THE PRO-ABORTIONISTS AND
THE TRUTH OF PRO-LIFE. ..............................................................90
What abortion clinics don't want you to know- The Silent Scream:.91
TAKE THE PILL AND GET DEPRESSED..........................................95
DISPELLING THE MYTHS OF NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING .97
REFERENCES ......................................................................................104

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 3
CHASTITY

The temptation to have sex before marriage is as old as marriage itself.

More than 1,600 years ago, St. Augustine, grappling with his desires,
cried out to God, "Give me chastity . . . but not yet!"

What is chastity?
The word is often used to mean simply abstaining from sex, as if it were
equivalent to celibacy. So it may be strange to learn that, according to
the Catechism of the Catholic Church, "All Christ's faithful are called to
lead a chaste life." If that meant total abstinence, how would there be
any new Catholics? (After all, cloning is out of the question.)

The Church's stance makes sense only if one knows what chastity really
is. A clue is in the rest of that sentence from the Catechism: "All Christ's
faithful are called to lead a chaste life in keeping with their particular
states of life." By "states of life," the Church means that there is
unmarried chastity, and there is married chastity.

Part of chastity entails the proper ordering of sexual pleasure -- which

means engaging in it only within marriage. But more than that, it is
really a way to look at all of one's relationships so that they no longer
become mere exchanges of commodities. It means experiencing others'
presence -- not just what they do, but their existence itself -- as a gift. A
spouse is a particularly special reminder of that most perfect gift of self-
made by Jesus Christ.
While sex can bring pleasure, the jury is still out on whether it can bring
joy. Despite all the efforts of popular culture to promote sexual
"liberation" as a route to personal fulfillment, many people remain

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 4
deeply unsatisfied by relationships that offer sex without lifelong love
and commitment.

The Catholic Church believes that true joy comes from God. In that
light, the only way a sexual relationship can bring such joy is if it is
undertaken by a man and woman who have brought God into it through
the sacrament of marriage.
In sacramental marriage, spouses' commitment of unending love for one
another emulates God's unending love for them. As a result, their
temporal feelings of sexual gratification are transformed -- gaining a
deep and fulfilling sense of spiritual permanence.

WHY DO WE NEED TO BE CHASTE?

1. Fornication Is a Mortal Sin
If there's a Heaven worth getting to, then it's impossible to ignore the
fact that Jesus said that sex outside of marriage separates us from Him.

The Catechism defines sin in two categories, venial and mortal,

according to their gravity, particularly how they affect charity -- that is,
and one’s ability to love God and thereby truly love others. "Venial sin
allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it," but
"mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of
God's law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his
beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him" (1854-55).

"Mortal sin is a radical possibility of human freedom, as is love itself,"

the Catechism adds. "It results in the loss of charity and the privation of
sanctifying grace, that is, of the state of grace. If it is not redeemed by
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 5
repentance and God's forgiveness, it causes exclusion from Christ's
kingdom and the eternal death of hell, for our freedom has the power to
make choices for ever, with no turning back."

The Catechism specifically mentions fornication -- sex outside of

marriage -- as a sin, and the Church has traditionally taught that it is a
mortal sin. This teaching can be traced to the Sermon on the Mount,
when Jesus said, "I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust
has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Mt 5:28). If
lustful looks are adulterous, how much worse is lustful physical contact?

St. Paul tells us that "fornicators" and other "unrighteous" "will not
inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor 6:9-10). Willful sin of any kind,
including fornication, deprives one of heaven.

A friend of mine offers another sobering thought: If you have sex

outside of marriage, what you're really saying to your sex partner is, "I
wish you hell."

“More Souls go to Hell because of sins of the flesh than for any other
reason” Mother Mary during the Fatima Apparition.

2. We need to be Chaste to Build True Intimacy, Not Forced or

Premature Intimacy
Before taking marriage vows, the best way to practice for married love is
by not having sex. That's because most of marriage is not having sex. It's
a lesson that many couples learn too late.
Studies show that the top three reasons why couples divorce are
communication problems, unhappiness, and incompatibility (see
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 6
"Perceived Causes of Divorce," Journal of Marriage and the Family,
February 1985). These problems often arise because couples have not
learned, before their marriage, to communicate effectively and to make
sacrifices for the good of the other. A major reason for this is often that
they have skipped steps to intimacy, using sex to create a false bond
while failing to make necessary efforts to deepen their relationship.

Part of the pseudo-intimacy that sex can bring is caused by body

chemistry. Numerous scientific studies, some of which are cited in Dr.
Miriam Grossman's Unprotected, have shown that the hormone
oxytocin, which is released during sexual arousal, facilitates or
fabricates a feeling of bonding, particularly in women.

Moreover, the nature of sex itself -- being a complete physical self-

giving -- puts pressure on relationships where emotional intimacy has
not been fully and deeply established.

For those who attempt to use sex as a shortcut to intimacy, the results
are often painful. A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that
college students in committed dating relationships often consented to
unwanted sexual activity out of the belief that it was necessary for
intimacy:

Approximately one quarter of the men and one half of the women who
participated in this study reported consenting to unwanted sexual activity
during a two-week period. Participants typically reported consenting to
unwanted sexual activity to satisfy a partner's needs, to promote
relationship intimacy, and to avoid relationship tension. Diminished
intimacy and/or relationship discord may be a consequence of violating
such an implicit contract.
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 7
So, popular culture's ideal of sexual freedom, in practice, means making
yourself available so that someone can emotionally pressure you into
sex. Some freedom! As for whether such forced intimacy is likely to
lead to a lasting marriage, see Reason 3.

3. Dramatically Increase Your Odds of Having a Lasting Marriage

Numerous studies suggest that if a couple has had sex before marriage,
the pair is far more likely to get divorced. The divorce rate for couples
who live together before marriage is nearly twice that of couples who do
not cohabitate (see "The changing character of stepfamilies,"
Demography 32; and "Cohabitation and Divorce in Canada," Journal of
Marriage and the Family 57).
Likewise, research by Robert Rector and Kirk Johnson shows that
experimenting with one or more sex partners doesn't prepare one for
being able to maintain a committed relationship -- just the opposite, in
fact. The Heritage Foundation researchers, analyzing the 1995 National
Survey of Family Growth, found that for women 30 or older, those who
were monogamous (only one sexual partner in a lifetime) were by far
most likely to still be in a stable relationship (80 percent). Having sex
with just one extra partner dropped that probability to 54 percent. Two
extra partners brought it down to 44 percent.
As Heritage Foundation researcher Patrick Fagan noted, "Who would
have thought that the price of sleeping with even one partner would lead
to divorce for almost half of those who had only one extra tryst?"

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 8
4. We need to be Chaste so as to Experience True Freedom
The sexual revolutionaries of the 1960s and their ideological children
tout the supposed joys of sexual "freedom." But how does the freedom to
use or be used, to separate emotions from sex and sex from commitment,
make one truly free?

In the same way, true sexual freedom can exist only when the dignity of
the human person is recognized. Likewise, there is no dignity in a society
that encourages touching another person's body but not allowing that
person to touch your heart.

The Church's teachings on chastity enable us to discover, understand,

and live out our liberty in Christ. G. K. Chesterton wrote nearly a
century ago in Orthodoxy: "Catholic doctrine and discipline may be
walls; but they are the walls of a playground. We might fancy some
children playing on the flat grassy top of some tall island in the sea. So
long as there was a wall round the cliff's edge they could fling
themselves into every frantic game and make the place the noisiest of
nurseries. But the walls were knocked down, leaving the naked peril of
the precipice.

5. Find Joy in Unexpected Places

We live in a culture of entitlement. Movies, TV shows, and magazines
exhort us to get the love that we "deserve."
But love defies the culture's rules. It is not something one can "get" in
the sense of taking it for selfish reasons. When love is treated as an
object to be consumed, it vanishes. "If a man offered for love all the
wealth of his house, it would be utterly scorned" (Song 8:7).
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 9
Becoming chaste requires a conscious decision to change perspective.
Relationships can no longer be viewed through the lens of entitlement:
You accept the fact that love is too precious to be a thing "deserved."
That decision, known and made by all the Saints, is essential to
happiness in this life and the next. It is only after taking the focus off
love, acquired or absent, that it is possible to see life's blessings as the
gifts they are.

With this new vision, true love means being loved for who you are, not
what you do. Likewise, there is a desire to share that same kind of
unconditional love with others -- not only a spouse, but also anyone else
-- because giving love is the only way to truly live.
After making the decision to be chaste, the effects of this change of
perspective become immediately apparent. By taking the focus off
yourself and what you might be lacking, you become more sensitive to
others' needs. Joy is discovered in having the ability, with surprisingly
little effort, to bring light into the lives of others.

Instead of attending social events only to be disappointed because there

are no attractive or available singles to meet there, you go with the
intention of looking beyond appearances and making new friends.
People will be drawn to you because they will sense that you see and
care about them as they are -- not as you would like them to be.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 10
6. Be the Kind of Person You Would Want to Marry
Before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want
that person to have a solid character. That includes possessing faith,
integrity, trustworthiness, and self-control.
The fact is, like attracts like. A person with a rock-solid character is
going to be attracted to someone who possesses those same qualities.
There is even a scientific study that suggests that chastity makes one
more attractive. Psychologist Dr. Lucia F. O'Sullivan showed 110 male
and 146 female unmarried heterosexual college undergrads photos of
college students and gave them what she said was information about the
students' sexual history. The undergrads were then asked to rate the
attractiveness of the students in the photos.
"Both men and women depicted as having had sexual relations in casual,
non-committed relationships were judged least favorably overall," writes
Dr. Sullivan. "In contrast, men and women described as having sexual
experience in committed relationships received the most favorable
ratings, especially those described as having had few sexual partners."

7. Deepen Your Relationship with God

Different stages of life bring different priorities. "He who is unmarried
cares for the things of the Lord -- how he may please the Lord," writes
St. Paul to the Corinthians. "But he who is married cares about the
things of the world -- how he may please his wife."

Likewise, Paul writes, "The unmarried woman cares about the things of
the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is
married cares about the things of the world -- how she may please her
husband" (1 Cor 7:32-34).

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 11
The time that God gives for the single life is precious -- and not merely
because you have more freedom to do what you want to do when you
want to do it. it's precious because it provides a unique opportunity to
bring all your spiritual graces into full flower -- and to do so in ways
that will bear fruit for the rest of your life.

To be open to those spiritual graces, it helps to get prayered up: Pick up

a new devotion from the veritable jewel box of prayers and spiritual aids
approved by the Church -- like the Brown Scapular of Our Lady of
Mount Carmel (a great inspiration for maintaining chastity). Go to Mass
on a weekday and stay afterward for the rosary. Read the great spiritual
writers of the Church -- like St. Teresa of Avila, St. Francis de Sales,
and St. Thérèse of Lisieux.
Beyond prayer, giving your time to help others can make this period of
life spiritually fruitful. Participate in parish volunteer days or join
Catholic groups devoted to helping others. Open your eyes and ears;
someone you know has an illness, is recovering from an addiction, or
has suffered a recent tragedy.

It costs no money and often takes very little time to share God's love
with someone in need, yet the rewards are incalculable. In years to
come, you may be very thankful that, when you were unmarried and in
good health, you used your time to learn holiness.

8. Learn How to Love Others the Way God Loves You

The hunger for love is so great that people often attach its name to
emotions or impulses that are far inferior to the real thing.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 12
As St. John wrote, God is love. In becoming man, He showed us how we
are to love one another -- fully, completely, and sacrificially, with
nothing held back.

The key to love is chastity, because it is only through chastity that we

can learn to love one another as God loves us. That kind of love does
not depend upon what another does for us. We love others because God
gave us the ability to do so, and it is in doing so that we fulfill our
destiny as His children. “If we love one another, God remains in us, and
his love is brought to perfection in us" (1 Jn 4:12).

This love, as we have seen, can be experienced only when it is accepted

as a gift, not as what one deserves. The beauty of it is that, to fully
experience the gift of another, one must become a gift. "Anyone who
wishes to give love must also receive love as a gift," writes Pope
Benedict XVI in Deus Caritas Est (God Is Love): "Certainly, as the Lord
tells us, one can become a source from which rivers of living water flow
(cf Jn 7:37-38). Yet to become such a source, one must constantly drink
anew from the original source, which is Jesus Christ, from whose
pierced heart flows the love of God (cf Jn 19:34)."

Loving others as God loves them requires truth and integrity -- qualities
that are absent in sex outside of marriage.

In non-marital sex, your body says, "I give myself to you completely,"
while your heart says, "nope," "maybe," or "hope so." The dichotomy
between what is done and what is felt is spiritually damaging, because
what you do with your body affects your soul.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 13
"The body, and it alone, is capable of making visible what is invisible:
the spiritual and the divine," John Paul II says in the Theology of the
Body. "It was created to transfer into the visible reality of the world the
mystery hidden since time in memorial in God, and thus be a sign of it."

That mystery has its source in the ultimate union -- that of God and His
Church in heaven. To the extent that you reflect God's love, your body
and soul are at heaven's leading edge.

Living chastely means recognizing your true residence and living as

though you are already there. The size of your home is determined by
the size of your heart. As countless saints have discovered, it is truly
living large.

OTHER REASONS TO BE CHASTE

1. It promotes good communication in dating.

When a couple practices abstinence, their communication is good

because they are not just focused on pleasure but on the joy of sharing
their views and experiences; moreover, their conversations are deeper.
By contrast, physical intimacy is an easy way to relate, but it
overshadows other forms of communication. It is a way of avoiding the
real work involved in emotional intimacy, like talking about deep
personal issues and working on the basic differences between the two of
you.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 14
2. The friendship in your relationship grows.

Physical closeness can lead youthful people think they are emotionally
close, when in fact they are not. A romantic relationship essentially
consists in cultivating a friendship, and there is no friendship without
conversation and shared interests. Personal conversation creates
friendships and helps us to discover one another and get to know the
other’s qualities and flaws. Some young people are driven by passion,
and when they get to know each other more deeply, they end up
disenchanted. And they did not get to know each other because they
never got to be friends; instead, they were "friends with benefits."

3. There is a better relationship with both sets of parents.

When men and women respect each other, their love matures and
improves their friendship with both sets of parents. Generally, parents
prefer their unmarried children to live lives of sexual continence, and
they are concerned if they know their children are sexually active
without being married. When a couple knows they have to hide their
sexual relations, their guilt and stress grow. Couples who decide to wait
relate more amicably with their own parents and with their beloved’s
parents.

4. You feel more free to question whether you should continue the
relationship.

Sexual relationships have the power to strongly unite two people, and
can prolong an unhealthy relationship based on physical attraction or the
need for security. A person may feel "trapped" in a relationship that they
would like to end, but they can’t find their way out. A person who is not
having sex can more easily break the emotional bond to the other,

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 15
because there has not been such powerful intimacy on the physical level.
Moreover, if the woman gets pregnant, both partners do not feel as free
to decide to get separated, get married, go to work, and so on.

5. It encourages generosity instead of selfishness.

Sexual relations in dating can lead to selfishness and a focus on self-

satisfaction. They can lead people to feel like they are competing with
others whom their partner may find more attractive. It fosters insecurity
and selfishness, because when you get sexually intimate, the tendency is
to ask for more and more.

6. There is less risk of physical or verbal abuse.

Sex outside of marriage is associated with violence and other forms of

abuse. For example, there is more than twice the physical aggression
among couples living together without any commitment than among
married couples. There is less jealousy and less selfishness in dating
couples who decide to postpone sexual activity than in those who are
driven by passion.

7. It increases the repertoire of ways to show affection.

The couple who practices abstinence finds new ways to show affection;
they must use inventiveness and ingenuity to have a good time and to
demonstrate their interest in each other. The relationship becomes
stronger as they have more opportunities to get to know each other’s
character and habits, and learn the ways to maintain the relationship.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 16
8. If you decide to break off the relationship, it will hurt less.

The ties that sexual activity forms bind us strongly to the other person,
so if there is a break-up, the resulting pain is more intense. When you
have not been physically intimate and decide to break up, the separation
is less devastating.

9. Most importantly, you’ll feel better about yourself.

Sexually active youth often lose their self-esteem and admit that they
live with guilt. When they decide to let go of physical intimacy, they feel
new and grow as people. They enhance their intellectual, artistic, and
social potential as they put all that creative energy into developing their
talents.

HOW TO STAY CHASTE.

To stay chaste generally involves more than just a strong will; it

involves prayer and guidelines and communication and mercy. So for
those of you who are in a relationship and struggling–or who aren’t in a
relationship but are still struggling or who aren’t either but expect one
day to be–here are some tips on pursuing chastity when love and
chemistry seem to be conspiring against your better judgment.

Be committed: Know who you are and whose you are. Know why
chastity matters. Then make a commitment–to God, to yourself, and to
each other–that you will strive for chastity. If you’re halfhearted, your
resolve won’t last long. And if you’re not on the same page, it’ll be very,
very difficult. But if you’re both serious about being holy and keeping
your relationship pure, you have a real shot.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 17
Pray for each other: The purpose of dating is to discern marriage; the
purpose of marriage is to get each other to heaven. If you’re not praying
avidly for your partner’s sanctification, what are you doing? Pray for
your own chastity, of course, but pray for your partner’s even more. It’s
easier, I think, to be willing to compromise your own salvation in the
heat of the moment than to endanger the soul of someone you love and
for whom you pray daily. Making little sacrifices and offering them for
your partner’s chastity will keep this at the forefront of your mind–and
probably bring that desire to mind when other desires threaten to push it
aside.

Pray with each other: If you’re praying together for purity, you begin
to see each other in a more sanctified light. Try beginning each date with
Mass or a rosary before the Blessed Sacrament. It sets the tone for the
evening and strengthens you against temptation. If it’s possible, end
each date in the chapel. If you’re planning to stop in to see Jesus before
you say goodnight (or if you’re dropping her off after having done so),
it’s harder to transgress those boundaries.

Fast: Not only does fasting strengthen your prayer, it gives you mastery
over your body. The more you’re able to deny your body what it needs,
the more you’re able to deny it what it wants. If you’re really struggling
with chastity, I’d recommend picking one day a week 1 to skip a meal or
two. Fast (to the point of being hungry), learn some self-control, and ask
the Lord to strengthen your love of purity.

Set boundaries: “We’re not going to have sex” is a great start, but
there’s more to chastity than just avoiding intercourse before marriage.
Sit down early in the relationship and discuss what you think is
appropriate in different stages in your relationship. It strikes me as fairly

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 18
obvious that touching things you don’t have is reserved for marriage.
But maybe you’re like me and you think “Don’t do anything you
wouldn’t do with your grandma looking on” is a good rule of thumb. Or
maybe you don’t want to kiss before you’re engaged. Try not to be too
legalistic, but do be aware that there’s more to chastity than sex. If
you’re not comfortable having this conversation with your partner, you
might want to reconsider either this relationship or your readiness to be
in a relationship. It might be awkward but it’s important enough to
endure.

Communicate those boundaries upfront: Talk to the person you are

dating about chastity and specific boundaries. Before your relationship
starts getting even remotely physical, you should talk about those
boundaries. Do not wait until you start making out to have the talk
because you leave yourself open to fail in your endeavor to stay chaste.
Set yourself up for success, so that you both are on the same page.

Be intentional about being alone: There’s a reason the Church talks so

much about the “near occasion of sin.” Even if you’ve got the self-
control of a saint, sleeping in the same bed is a bad idea before you’re
married. In less extreme situations, standards are going to differ
dramatically. The more you’ve fallen in the area of sexual sin in the past,
the more careful you’ll have to be. I know some people who have to be
sure never to be alone with their significant others. They spend time in
parks and coffee shops and movie theaters but never just the two of them
in someone’s apartment; they know themselves. You might be able to
handle some alone time but need to have the possibility of a roommate
walking in at any moment to keep things PG–know yourself and do what
you have to.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 19
Be accountable to someone: If you’ve got a roommate, give her
permission to ask how your date went–and promise to tell her, down to
the last detail. Ask your buddy to call you Saturday morning and ask if
you were good the night before. Heck, give me your number and I’ll text
you at midnight to make sure everything’s still holy. We can’t do it
alone and a real community could be just what you need.

Dress chastely: I’m looking mostly at you ladies here. Your bodies are
lovely and there’s nothing dirty or wrong about them. But they were
made to be given only to the body–and the eyes–of your husband. Even
if you’re not willing to dress chastely for the myriad men in your life
who are trying desperately to see you as a person and not an object, do it
for the one man you love. If you’re dressed like you’re wearing clothes,
not underwear, then he’ll have less trouble not thinking about removing
said clothes.

Be chaste alone: The solution to temptation is not to indulge that

temptation in another venue. Using pornography and masturbating don’t
release sexual tension; they distort it and cause it to grow. Pornography
is also as addictive as crack and has serious consequences on more than
just your love life..

Repent: You’re going to fall. Don’t give up! Get up, get to confession,
and redouble your effort. Reconsider your relationship and the rules
you’ve set for yourself. Talk to a trusted friend. Cry and pout and punch
a wall but do NOT give up. It’s a hard road, but remember that you
follow a God who fell three times under the cross. He knew you would
fall. He forgives you. He wants you to try again.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 20
Take courage: It isn’t easy out there. You will be put in situations that
are uncomfortable. Friends will be talking inappropriately. Guys may be
telling perverted jokes. You will have to stand up for what you
believe. It is NOT EASY… but… it is worth it. You are not alone. You
can do it…with Him.

Stay Balanced: When cupid’s arrow strikes, it is easy to dive into the
other person, or spend every waking hour of the day mentally stalking
them. We are made to worship. However, the challenge is not making an
idol out of that person. Only God can complete us, so stay balanced.

Know Your Values: Chastity is a virtue and choice. We can’t just

awkwardly shrug our shoulders when someone asks why we are
choosing to stay chaste. Know why it’s important to wait.

Every relationship is different which is why these are more broad

guidelines than hard-and-fast rules. What seems to be universal is the
fact that people don’t stumble into chastity–they work for it. It’s not just
about rules, it’s about building your relationship with Christ first and
foremost; purity is just a means to that end. And if we’re not just talking
about abstinence but about glory and virtue and true love and a real,
eternal happily-ever-after, nothing should stand in our way.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak,
let Christ be strong for you.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 21
HOW CAN I BE CHASTE?
Chastity is sexual self-control. It means placing sexual intimacy within
one relationship and one relationship only: marriage.
Chastity is not something like a jacket that you can put on or take off
whenever you like. Chastity is a part of yourself that communicates
itself to others in your daily words and actions.
Modesty is one important way to express chastity. Wearing appropriate
and non-suggestive clothing, not calling undue attention to your body,
and keeping your speech free of sexually suggestive talk are simple
ways to let others know what you believe.
Under this theme, we'll share some other strategies for living a chaste
lifestyle in a world full of sexual temptations and pressures.
“I never learned how to treat a girl until I dated a girl in college who
dressed modestly. She was interesting. She commanded respect.” Recent
college graduate
Ways to Say No.
As Molly Kelly says, You say 'No' before you ever go out on a date. 'No'
is in the mind; it's a definite decision.
She points out that there are three kinds of language: verbal language,
body language, and clothes language. For No to mean No, all three types
of language must be saying it at the same time. For example:
A girl can say no with words, but her tight skirt and skimpy blouse are
saying yes. She can say no with her lips, but if her eyes are saying yes, it
won't work. A boy can say no while his hands are asking for a yes.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 22
Another piece of advice is to advertise yourself, not your sexiness. Of
course, some young people want to be sexy and provocative. In Sex: It's
Worth Waiting For, author Greg Speck comments:
Women have said to me, Oh, I just love it when guys lust after me.
It's so exciting!
If that's your reaction, then you don't understand what goes on in the
mind of a man. When a man lusts after you, you become a piece of
meat! He could care less that you have hopes and dreams and
desires. All he wants to do is get his hands on your body.
Lusting is not a complimentary term. Speck goes on to offer specific
advice to young women:
Look good, be stylish, but don't compromise yourself as a woman.
Stay away from tight jeans, dresses slit up the side, short skirts,
halter tops, low-cut tops, and sleeveless sweaters with big
underarms....
Put on your outfit, stand in the mirror, and ask yourself, What am I
trying to draw attention to? If it's just your exterior, then in many cases
you are going to be treated like a piece of meat.
“Modesty is not about looking ugly. You can be stylish and still be
modest. Modesty uses the beauty of personhood to send a message about
your dignity without speaking a word.” Crystalina Padilla.
Modesty in dress, speech, and action is a virtue that applies to
everybody, men as well as women. Thomas Lorimer, in his book Why
Not? Why Is Pre-Marital Sex Wrong? directs similar words of advice to
young men:

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 23
Guys, decide you will not violate the personal space of any woman.
Make a covenant with your eyes not to look at the private parts of
women.
Then date only those girls who demonstrate that they are not confused
about personal space. Date those who dress modestly. And dress
modestly yourself.
How do you say no with words?
Saying no often requires more than a one-word answer. It's important to
be psychologically prepared for the lines that someone may use to
pressure you to have sex. Remember, a line demands a comeback that
can put an end to the pressure once and for all and really communicate
your strong No.
Here are some comebacks for some of the standard lines:

I love you enough to say no.

Don't you love me?

If you really loved me, you wouldn't ask. If you

If you really loved
really care about somebody, you don't pressure
me, you would.
them to do something they don't want to do.

Everybody 's doing Everybody but me.

it.

Really, everybody 's Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding
doing it. somebody else.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 24
Don't you find me I find you very attractive. I like you a lot. That's
attractive? why I don't want to wreck our relationship by
getting too physical.

I'll stop whenever

How about right now?
you say.

I love you. Then please prove it by respecting my values.

What are you I'm waiting for the person I'll marry.
waiting for?

Are you repressed No, I'm free from the pressure to have sex before
or something? I get married.

Its a big deal to me, a big deal to my future

Sex isnt a big deal.
husband (wife), and a big deal to God, and I
made a promise I would wait.

Although girls can and do often lead guys on, in our experience guys are
more likely to use these kinds of lines to get sex. And, sadly, many a girl
has fallen for them. A girl may find it hard to believe that a boy is lying
when he says, seemingly with great sincerity, I love you!

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 25
If you're a girl, you need to know two things:
(1) If a boy puts any kind of pressure on you to go farther than you want
to go, it shows he loves himself, not you; he's interested only in his
pleasure, and he'll sacrifice your physical and emotional welfare to get
it; and
(2) Many guys will lie through their teeth, say anything, and do
whatever else they have to do to get sex.
Here is one guy who openly admits this:
I learned to maneuver my opponent into a position where she couldn't
say no. If I sensed there was a moral dilemma in her mind, I would play
any role necessary to reach the point where sex became inevitable.
Rehearse your lines and dress the part (modestly). Learn how to say No
with your body, words, and behavior. Remember, saying No is the best
way to say I love you.
“There’s a simple love test: You say no. Does he leave you?” A college
student

DATING STRATEGIES
Dating means different things to different people. In high school and
college, formal dating (where the guy picks up the girl, takes her to
dinner or a movie, and pays the expenses) is less common than it used to
be. For lack of a better word, we'll continue to use dating here to refer to
the various ways that guys and girls spend time in each other's company.
Whether formal or informal, dating is a way for guys and girls to spend
time together, build friendships, develop romantic relationships, and

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 26
consider prospective marriage partners. However, dating is also the
likely occasion for sexual temptations and sexual behavior to occur. As
with other areas of your life that are important, it's important to have a
strategy and develop guidelines for the time you spend together with the
opposite sex. Here are a few:
1. Plan your date. When you do go on a date, don't just get together
and make it up as you go along. If a date ends up with nothing to
do, it's very easy to get involved physically.
If you run out of things to do, either end the date right then or go to
a place where there are other people (at a restaurant, for example).
2. Involve your parents. You should talk over with at least one of
your parents your dating habits especially when a serious
relationship is developing. Doing so will enable you to get the
perspective and wisdom of someone who cares about you and your
future. If you're not comfortable talking with your parents about
the person you're dating, chances are good that you shouldn't be
involved with that person.

Also, you should bring your date to your home to meet your
parents before you go out. Says one young woman: I think it's
really important to get your parents' blessing on a relationship.
3. Avoid temptations. For example, if you're at home with your date,
spend time talking and getting to know the other person. Instead of
sitting on the sofa, go sit at the kitchen table and talk while you
share a snack. Don't lie on the floor watching TV. Definitely don't
sit around in your pajamas watching TV. Needless to say, staying
chaste also means avoiding places like parked cars and dormitory
rooms.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 27
 4. Avoid sexual stimuli. Movies with sex scenes, suggestive musical
lyrics, and any kind of pornography should all be avoided.
5. Don't drink or use drugs. Alcohol and other drugs can lower
sexual inhibitions; either will make you more likely to give in to
sexual temptations.

Avoid parties where there's drinking. In college, where guys and

girls may be away from home and their parents' rules for the first
time, parties with drinking and drugs are often responses to this
new freedom. This on the edge behavior also can lead previously
abstinent guys and girls to try sex. Girls beware: There are many
older college guys waiting for you to drink more alcohol than you
can handle so that they can more easily get you to have sex. Many
a freshman girl has lost her virginity during the first weekend on
campus when some guy got her drunk at a party.

Given the dangers of the sex and alcohol party scene, we would
advise guys, but especially young women, not to drink at all unless
you are in a protected situation, such as a family gathering.
6. Set strict limits on your expression of physical affection. Hand-
holding, brief, and light hugs are usually appropriate ways to
express your physical affection. When you set strict limits, you
won't find yourself fighting the temptation to go a little bit farther
the next time you're together.
7. Go slow. Don't let intense emotions build too fast. Don't ever ask
the other person, How do you feel about me? That will artificially
accelerate things. Don't talk about our relationship and our future,
a mistake many couples today are prone to make. Put up with a

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 28
 little suspense about these things.

You don't have to know everything the person you are dating feels.
Let the relationship unfold naturally; you'll have more fun if you
keep it light. The respect and care you show for the person will
show how you feel.
Practical Advice
We interviewed a group of college students who have made a
commitment to chastity, to find out what practical advice they would
give to others who want to stay chaste in a world full of sexual pressures
and dangers. Here are some of things they said:
Tim: Don't get involved with someone who is sexually experienced.
That happened to me in high school. She said sex didn't have to be part
of our relationship, but it created a subtle pressure. I always felt as if I
was disappointing her. Now I wouldn't involve myself with someone
whose convictions about how far to go are different from mine.
Once you get involved in sexual activity at all, you'll go farther than you
want to go, maybe not right away, but eventually. There's an old saying,
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer
than you wanted to stay. So don't even get started.
Rachel: I believe that every person has a different point for self-control.
You have to be obedient to your own convictions, what you can handle.
And you have to be really honest to keep from falling. You can't fool
yourself, and you have to be willing to discuss this issue with your
partner.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 29
La Chauna: If the other person is putting any pressure on you, be very
explicit about your standards. Know your boundaries before you are
with the person, and stick to your guns!
Eun Gyeong: Get to know the other person. Find out how they feel
about certain things. Don't start dating someone until you feel you are
already friends with them. If somebody pressures you to go out,
definitely don't.
Grace: When you do go out, don't talk too much about yourself. That
can lead the other person on. Keep the focus on other things, things you
have in common.
Hugo: You might want to be alone, but don't. If your parents aren't
home, for example, you'll be tempted to be alone. But don't; the
temptation is too much.
Tim: Always keep the door open!

Having and Keeping Your High Standards

A woman came to our college campus to speak on the subject of date
rape. She had dinner with a small group of women students before her
talk.
Does a guy here think he has a right to sex if he has spent money on
you? she asked.
One of the young women said, Guys here expect sex if they just pay
attention to you.
The really sad thing is that guys not only expect this; many of them get
it. Why? One reason is that there are many girls (and guys) who do not
value themselves very highly.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 30
A high school girl reasoned:
I used to think: If a guy will go out with me for six months without
asking for sex, he's proved he loves me and then I can sleep with him.
But later I asked myself, Is this price I put on my body? If he gives me a
little bit of his time, I'll give him my body?
Said a young woman in college: You have to value yourself as a person
and value your body.
Girls often ask, What if the guy really seems to care about me?
Remember, if he really cares, he won't pressure you to have sex. And if
a young woman gives in to pressure for sex so as not to lose him, it
shows she values the imagined relationship more than she does her own
importance. Her sense of self-worth is not very great.
If a girl loses a guy because she wouldn't give in, she is well to be rid of
him. Here's the story of a 16-year-old girl who had that happen to her:
I was very naive about sex (the only information I was able to get was
from booklets and listening to friends). I had the usual crushes on boys
who didn't notice me. My ninth-grade year, though, I found out what it's
like to stand up for your morals.
The first kiss was not all that enjoyable and the hands up the shirt
shocked me. The next time we were alone, the boy tried to go all the
way. After I said no and explained my position, he took me home in
complete silence. I was hurt when he no longer wanted to see me, but I
was confident I had done the right thing.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 31
IF NOT SEX, WHAT CAN I DO? HOW FAR?
How Far is Too Far?

When it comes to intimacy, the million-dollar question is “How far is

too far?” Males and females are attracted to one another—it’s a natural,
healthy part of life to desire a relationship with members of the
complementary sex. With intercourse out of the question, there are ways
to grow in intimacy with another and yet remain chaste.

Some people hold that everything up to a certain point is healthy and

everything beyond that point is “too far.” While there are some clear
boundaries, every couple must evaluate for themselves what is holy and
healthy in regard to their physical intimacy. If you hope to develop
healthy physical relationships, read on.

Affection versus Lust

Since every physical act sends a message—even a punch speaks

volumes—we must consider what our actions will “say” before we act.
In romantic relationships, the goal is to communicate in a loving, giving
manner—to be affectionate. Affection is defined as “tender and loving
feelings” or a “stirring of loving emotions,” and it stems from a desire to
affect someone’s heart, mind, or soul. Affection says to another, “I care
for you so much that I’ve run out of words to say and want to show you”
or “I want to give you a physical experience that touches and blesses you
intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.”

Affection is the outward expression of something that is occurring within

the couple internally; this something is more than physical attraction.
On the other hand, lust is excessive sexual desire not controlled by
concern for another. Lust does not give; it takes for itself. Lust is an

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 32
appetite that seeks to satisfy itself at the expense of another and is
unconcerned with intellectual, emotional, or spiritual health. It is never
healthy, loving, or giving, even in marriage.

Obviously, affection should be the primary goal of every healthy

couple—never to use each other for physical gratification, but rather to
love each other. To ensure that physical acts are affectionate, a couple
must thoughtfully decide when and how to progress physically in a
healthy manner.

When to Be Physical?

To know whether a relationship is ready for physical affection, one must

first examine the intellectual, emotional, and spiritual bonding of the
relationship, or the “friendship” elements.

A healthy romantic relationship should be based on a friendship, with

physical acts being the “icing on the cake.” A cake isn’t made with icing
in the dough; it would never rise.

You must first make the cake (relationship) with the essential
ingredients of flour (great conversation), sugar (fun together), eggs
(similar moral values, spiritual agreement), and brown sugar (respect,
honor). When all of these work together and rise, add the icing (physical
intimacy). A cake, like a romantic relationship, is incomplete without
icing (at least some physical sign that this person is more than a friend).
Although no time is specified for adding the icing, the intellectual,
emotional, and spiritual intimacy should come first.

As a relationship deepens, the friendship elements should continue

progressing at a steady rate, and the physical should slowly follow. In
this way, the other intimacies support the physical.
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 33
All healthy physical acts should be an outpouring of the strong personal
connection of the couple. Acts of physical affection progress as the
friendship and relationship grows, with the couple eventually arriving at
a place where marriage makes sense physically, intellectually,
emotionally, and spiritually.

The physical connection is important because it distinguishes a romantic

relationship from a friendship, but it shouldn’t be the foundation or the
first element of the relationship.

The friendship aspects of the relationship may not grow exactly as

sequenced in the graph, and that is normal. Some couples connect and
grow spiritually before they do intellectually or emotionally. The
sequence of growth for the friendship intimacies is not as important as
the fact that they should develop before the physical.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 34
How to Be Physical?

Appropriate physical affection at each stage of a romantic relationship

will be different for each couple. Most important is that each couple
should move slowly physically and focus on affectionate acts only.

Many young people have the misconception that the only options in
physical intimacy are kissing, touching, and then sex. Desmond Morris
compiled a list of stages of marital intimacy. We’ve adapted it somewhat
to illustrate the many physical ways to show someone you care. The first
5 stages are:

1. Eye to body (looking at someone in a different way than how you

would look at a family member)
2. Eye to eye (connecting with intense eye contact)
3. Voice to voice (revealing different aspects of self by using a
unique tone of voice)
4. Hand to hand
5. Arm around shoulder.

Note: the above five stages as given by Desmond may not apply to all
couples but can serve as hint to you who plans to show physical
affection without diving into lust.

Avoid Lust and Sexual Temptation

As a relationship develops, conditions can be present in any of the stages

that will lead to too much or inappropriate physical intimacy.

If one hasn’t bonded intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually with

another, yet acts physically out of a desire to be physical, lust has
control. Relationships fail to develop in a healthy manner when lust
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 35
takes over. Lust focuses on the physical bonding at the expense of the
other aspects of the relationship.

Lust does not require intellectual, emotional, or spiritual bonding, so it

does not need friendship to grow. For couples who focus primarily or
too early on physical acts, the other three intimacies typically become
stunted, take longer to develop, and are always overshadowed by the
physical.

A kiss or prolonged embrace becomes meaningless if the understanding

of another’s heart, mind, and soul is lacking.

When the physical is not supported by a growing intellectual, emotional,

and spiritual connection, the focus becomes lustful.

We will call this the “breaking point.” How far is “too far”?
Everything after the breaking point—the switch from affection to lust—
is too far, unhealthy, and therefore sinful because they are not supported
by the other aspects of intimacy.

How soon the breaking point is reached will differ from couple to
couple. For those who have had previous sexual experiences, the
breaking point can come much sooner than for others.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 36
In addition to lust, purposeful sexual stimulation before marriage is “too
far.” Oral (mouth to genital) and manual (hand to genital) stimulation,
cybersex (stimulation from pictures or words on a computer), phone sex
(stimulation from conversation only), and dry sex (sexual gyration and
possibly partial penetration with clothes on) can cause many of the same
emotional consequences as intercourse. Sexual stimulation before
marriage is also unhealthy intellectually.

Logically, it is obvious that purposeful stimulation is designed to lead to

intercourse. It’s deceptive to prepare someone for nothing. Even if a
male’s brain agrees that a certain point is “how far” he wants to go, his
body is inclined to go further. It is repressive for couples to be turning
each other on just to “shut down” before intercourse.

God designed sexual stimulation to be brought to completion. Training

ourselves to turn off the stimulation just when it’s supposed to get good
is dangerous. It decreases our ability to give freely in marriage.

In regard to sexual acts, God even warns us, saying, “Do not stir up or
awaken love until it is ready! (Song 8:4). Whatever leads an individual
or couple to sexual stimulation should be avoided before marriage to
avoid repression. (You can read more on the topic of repression in
“Laying Aside a Myth,” page 74.)

Steven had experienced sex in the past, but desired to live chastely.
From his previous relationships, he knew that “French” kissing aroused
him and made him want to go further. When he started dating his now
wife, they made the decision to not kiss in that way. French kissing was
one of Steven’s breaking points.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 37
Steven’s breaking point may be different from Heather’s or Pete’s, but
it’s important for every individual, and couple, to know and respect their
own personal temptations to lust.

A healthy couple will recognize their breaking point and avoid it. This
knowledge surfaces either from the wisdom of others or from personal
experience—individually or as a couple. If a couple moves slowly and
keeps motives in check, they do not need to experience their breaking
point to know where it exists.

A healthy couple will show physical affection without putting each other
on the brink of sin. In a loving relationship, if one senses the breaking
point soon approaching, he or she will stop the other so that together
they can keep the relationship chaste.

Lana and John decided to move slowly physically. During the rare
instances in which they were alone and relating romantically, they chose
to kiss the other’s forehead if it appeared to either one that they could be
heading towards lust or stimulation. This indicated that they needed to
slow down physically. With the use of this easy and loving gesture, they
chose to keep the focus on affection.

Fun, healthy dating avoids bringing each other to the breaking point or
leading the relationship into lust. True chastity allows us to walk away
from every date with the respect that we deserve. Dating someone who
doesn’t want to push you is freeing and fun!

These guidelines for healthy relationships might seem challenging;

however, we must consider the perspective from which they emanate.
When it comes to suggestions and rules from the Church, we often

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 38
become frustrated and view them as obstacles or fences that keep us
from experiencing the other side.

We focus so much on “the fence” and what’s on the other side that we
miss what is around us. Instead of staring at the fence, why not turn
around and focus on enjoying all the beauty, fun, and peace that can be
experienced within the boundaries?

Chaste couples will cherish and enjoy true physical affection. They will
focus the relationship on “How can I be romantic and creative to show I
care for this person within the bounds of what is healthy? instead of
“How far can I push physical affection before we sin?” A healthy,
chaste couple will slow down and savor the journey of discovery and the
passion that builds as the relationship develops.

Brad enjoyed sex in previous relationships. However, he described how

hugs and holding hands became almost meaningless in such
relationships. Then, years after he committed to chastity, he met Mindy.
They were good friends for months and bonded deeply, especially on a
spiritual level. One night, while walking out into the cold air, Brad
pulled Mindy’s arms around him. They walked that way for a short time.
Brad later commented on how cool it was to experience that small
moment of affection with Mindy.

He realized that living the virtue of chastity gave a simple act depth and
power. It was JUST the start of an exciting new adventure.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 39
WAITING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON
Some young women and men have sex because they're so worried about
having and keeping a boyfriend or girlfriend or getting someone to
marry them that they'll do anything to try to hold on to that partner.
What they need is the kind of confidence expressed by a young woman
who spoke at a church discussion on sex, dating, and chastity:
I used to be on the hunt, thinking I had to be where guys were and to
make myself available if I was going to find a husband. Eventually I
realized I was not trusting God in this matter. So I began praying Lord,
please find me a mate, if that is your will for me, and help me trust in
your providences.
I stopped chasing guys, and in less than a year I met my future husband,
a wonderful man, the one I believe God had picked out for me all along.
Having high standards also means being willing to go without dates or a
mate until someone comes along who meets those standards.
That's not easy. A friend said to us when her oldest daughter was a
senior in college: Rebecca called the other night. She's very down. Just
about all the girls she knows are sleeping with their boyfriends. She's
beginning to despair of ever finding a boy who shares her belief in
chastity.
We sympathize with young people who are in that situation. One thing
we highly recommend as a way of sticking to your decision to remain
chaste is to continue to read books which promote it.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 40
As you think about and look for the kind of person you'd like to marry,
also keep this in mind: A successful marriage requires good character. If
someone is selfish, rude, unappreciative, lazy, ill-tempered, or dishonest
now, don't count on her or him to change after you're married. As you
date a person (one you're getting serious about), ask yourself:
How does he/she treat me?
How does he/she treat other people?
Will this person be a good role model for my children?
Will this person be someone I would be proud to call my husband or
wife?
If the person comes up short on questions like these, don't waste time on
that relationship.
The best way to find the sort of person you'd like to marry is to
become that kind of person yourself. Whatever qualities you admire
in other people, strive to develop them in yourself. Develop your
own character. Develop your gifts, your talents, and your interests.
If you focus on improving yourself instead of trying to put yourself
in situations where you might meet Mr. or Ms. Right, you'll become
an attractive person more likely to attract the kind of person you'd
be willing to spend your life with.
WITH GOD'S HELP
Our last recommendation for maintaining your chastity is this: Don't try
to do it without God.
Definitely stay in prayer, said Joe, one of the college students we
interviewed. Ask God to help you know your limits.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 41
Added Hugo: It takes a lot of prayer. You have to pray that your
relationships will not in any way violate God's laws. The important thing
is knowing God's standards and trying to keep them.
Rachel reminded us that God knows we're not perfect and that we can
come to God for forgiveness when we slip: If you do fall from your
convictions, don't think you're a hypocrite. Get right back up. Just say to
yourself, 'I've got to keep trying to live up to godly standards!' Don't let
anyone tell you there's no forgiveness.
Growing numbers of young people are also helping themselves stay
chaste by making a formal promise to God. Many, for example, are
taking part in a national campaign called True Love Waits. There are
different forms of the pledge; here is one called the Pure Love Promise:
From this day forward, regardless of past mistakes, I promise to
respect myself and others, pursue a life of purity, and save the gift of
sex until marriage.
Josh, 15, took the pledge. He says: Whenever I get in a situation where
I'm tempted, I remember it. I consider it a sacred thing. It's enough to
keep me from going through with something I would regret.
Says Traci, a college freshman: I don't have a boyfriend yet, but I have
written a sealed letter to my future husband telling him that I love him
enough to wait. I am very excited about the prospect of God having
someone for me.
We want to close this chapter by addressing those of you who may have
lost your virginity. You may be feeling bad about that and thinking, I'm
damaged goods; it's too late for me. It's not. Don't be discouraged. God
doesn't want you to dwell on past mistakes, which we all ,make. He can
heal you and make you whole.
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 42
You can choose now to follow chastity as your future path. You can
recapture all the freedom and other benefits of chastity. Writes Pat
Driscoll:
Most people who have struggled to bring chastity into their lives
after a period of sexual indulgence report a remarkable inner peace.
The struggle may bring fearful conflict, but if the individual
perseveres in chastity for several months or a year, he or she will
experience an almost spontaneous sense of integration.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 43
PORNOGRAPHY AND ITS EFFECTS

Simple Definition of pornography: movies, pictures, magazines, etc.,

that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open and direct way
in order to cause sexual excitement
Full Definition of pornography
1: the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to
cause sexual excitement
2: material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is
intended to cause sexual excitement
3: the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick
intense emotional reaction
4: material that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual
excitement.
Toxic side effects of pornography use
The danger of pornography use isn’t about right and wrong. It’s about
the effects that pornography has on the user and the effects it has on the
loved ones of the user. Pornography use has serious, negative side
effects.
The danger of pornography use isn’t about right and wrong. It’s about
the effects that pornography has on the user and the effects it has on the
loved ones of the user. Pornography use has serious, negative side
effects.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 44
Creates emotional bond with artificial world
All people have a critical need for human intimacy and emotional
connection with others. When someone views pornography, they end up
creating an intimate bond with an artificial, fake world and can actually
lose the ability to bond with real people.
Sex without intimacy
Pornography is about sex being used for the wrong reasons. Because it is
sex without emotional closeness, the underlying hunger remains
unsatisfied. The viewer starts wondering what is wrong with their
relationships and gets irritated or depressed. They end up feeling
emotionally empty and disconnected from those around them.
Unsatisfying
While pornography use may result in a short term high, it eventually
results in feelings of emptiness, low self-esteem and deep loneliness. It
ultimately creates emotional distance in relationships. Because the world
of pornography is artificial and cannot satisfy the need for emotional
intimacy, this basic need remains unmet, creating an appetite for more
and more.
Triggers addiction cycle in brain
Studies show that actual brain function changes in someone who has an
addiction – and the changes are the same in all addiction: alcohol, drugs,
or pornography. Because pornography use can become an actual
addiction, viewers are not able to stop through their own will power.
Pornography addicts will need to engage in the same difficult recovery
process a drug addict has to go through.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 45
Unfulfilling
Using pornography to feel pleasure and escape feelings of low self-
esteem, anxiety, boredom and frustration creates a gateway for
addiction. When the rush of pleasure disappears, the feelings a user is
trying to escape from reappear stronger than ever, and they are
compelled to repeat the cycle. Over time, their brain chemistry is altered
and a full-fledged addiction occurs.
Great deception
Initially, you were attracted to pornography because of the positive
things it did for you. ("I love the rush I feel," "This is my favorite
pastime," "I feel lonely," "This is my reward to myself for making it
through a rough day...") Eventually, it will do just the opposite. ("I no
longer feel an emotional response to anything," "There is nothing in my
life I enjoy doing," "I feel totally isolated from the world," "My anxiety
and stress levels are at an all-time high...").
Imitation of the real thing
With pornography, we use sex as a substitute for nurture, intimacy, and
love. Sex is no longer a wonderful source of connection between our
deepest selves and a beloved partner; it becomes a commodity used to
avoid intimacy and mask needs that should be met through human
connections.
Always hungry
Because this is an addictive substance, it creates an appetite for itself.
This appetite increases over time as you spend more and more time
viewing pornography. The time spent viewing pornography can
jeopardize work, relationships and interest in healthy pastimes.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 46
Escalation
Over time, the pornography we first started viewing becomes mundane.
We escalate to view things which we once would have considered as
going too far or totally wrong. We feel increasing desire to do things
which will damage our reputation and relationships.

EFFECTS OF PORN ON YOUR SEX LIFE

And remember–women use porn, too! While some of these apply just to
men, many of them apply to both genders.
Porn Means You Can’t Get Aroused by “Just” Your Spouse
Do you remember reading about Pavlov and his dog in Psychology?
Pavlov would give the dog a nice juicy steak, but right before he did he
would ring a bell. He conditioned the dog to associate ringing the bell
with getting great food. Eventually Pavlov took the food away, but kept
ringing the bell. The dog kept salivating at the bell, even though there
was no steak, because the dog associated the bell with the food.
The same thing happens when we see porn. Porn stimulates the arousal
centers in the brain. When it’s accompanied by orgasm (sexual release
through masturbation), then a chemical reaction happens and hormones
are released. In effect, our brains start to associate arousal with an
image, an idea, or a video, rather than a person.
When you don’t watch porn and save yourself until marriage, then all of
those chemicals and hormones are released for the first time when
you’re with your spouse, and it causes you to bond intensely (and

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 47
sexually) to your spouse. But when you spend a ton of time teaching
your brain to associate arousal and release with pornography, your brain
can’t associate arousal and release with a person anymore. Either you
have to fantasize about the porn, and get those images there, or you have
to watch porn first. Often people can “complete the act”, but it’s not
intense for them the way porn is. You’ve rewired your brain, and now
you’re salivating at the wrong thing.
Porn Wrecks Your Libido
It’s only natural, then, that many people who use porn in the past, or
who use porn in the present, have virtually no libido when it comes to
making love to their spouse. The spouse is not what turns them on, and
so the natural drive that we have for sex is transferred somewhere else. I
get so many emails from young women in their twenties who say, “my
husband and I were both virgins when we married, and I thought he’d
want sex all the time. But after our honeymoon sex went to maybe twice
a month, and that’s only if I pressure him. He says he just isn’t
interested.” With so many men growing up on porn, this is just to be
expected.
Porn Makes You Sexually Lazy
In porn, everyone is turned on all the time. You don’t have to make any
effort to arouse someone; it’s automatic. There is no foreplay in porn.
And so if your spouse isn’t aroused you start to think that it’s somehow
their fault. There’s no expectation that we will have to “woo” someone
or be affectionate and help jumpstart that arousal process. It’s almost as
if we approach sex as two different beings and we’re just using each
other, rather than thinking of each other. And thus we never learn how to
please the other or become a good lover because we’re always thinking
that the other is somehow “frigid”. Sex is about getting my needs met; it
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to stay. So don't even get started. Page 48
isn’t about meeting someone else’s needs or experiencing something
wonderful together.
Porn Turns “Making Love” into a Foreign Concept
Those arousal centers and pleasure centers in our brain are supposed to
associate sex with physical pleasure and a real sense of intimacy. But the
intimacy doesn’t happen with porn, and so the pleasure is all that
registers. Thus, sex becomes about the body, and not about intimacy. In
fact, the idea of being intimate isn’t even sexy anymore; anonymous is
what’s sexy. We may call “having sex” “making love”, but in reality
they aren’t necessarily the same thing. Someone who has used porn
extensively often has a difficult time experiencing any intimacy during
sex, because those arousal and pleasure centers zero in only on the body.
God made sex to actually unite us and draw us together; He even gave
us a bonding hormone that’s released at orgasm so that we’d feel closer.
But if that hormone is released when no one is present, it stops having its
effects. Sex no longer bonds you together.
Porn Makes Regular Intercourse Seem Boring
An alcoholic drinks alcohol for the “buzz”. But after a while your body
begins to tolerate it. To get the same buzz, you need more alcohol. And
so the alcoholic begins to drink harder liquor, or drink larger quantities.
The same thing happens with porn. Because porn teaches us that sex is
all about the body, and not about intimacy, then the only way to get a
greater “high” or that same buzz is to watch weirder and weirder porn. I
think most of us would be horrified if we saw what most porn today
really is. It isn’t just pictures of naked women like there used to be in
Playboy; most is very violent, extremely degrading, and very ugly.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 49
“Regular” intercourse is actually not depicted that often in porn, and so
quite frequently the person who watches porn starts to get a warped view
of what sex really is. And often they start to want weirder and weirder
things.
Now, I’m not against spicing things up, and I do think lots of things can
be fun! But when we’re wanting “more” because we’ve programmed
ourselves to think “the weirder the sexier”, there’s a problem.
Porn Makes it Hard to Be Tender When You Have Sex
It’s no wonder, then, that people who use porn often have a hard time
being tender when they have sex. Sex tends to be impersonal, rushed,
and “forced”. I’m absolutely not saying that all porn users rape their
wives, but porn itself is often violent. There’s no foreplay. There’s no
waiting to arouse someone. It’s just taking what you want.
Being tender means to be loving. It’s to give and to express affection.
Because these things aren’t paired with sex in the porn users brain,
tenderness and sex no longer go together.
Porn Trains You to Have Immediate Gratification and Have a
Difficult Time Lasting Long
With porn, when you’re aroused you reach orgasm very quickly,
because porn users tend to masturbate at the same time. Thus, orgasm
tends to be very fast. The porn user hasn’t trained his body to draw out
sex so that his spouse can get pleasure; his body is programmed to
orgasm quickly. Many porn users, then, suffer from premature
ejaculation.
Some porn users go to the other extreme when they start suffering from
erectile dysfunction. They have a difficult time remaining “hard” enough

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to stay. So don't even get started. Page 50
during sex because the stimulation isn’t enough. In their case, orgasm
can take an eternity, if it’s possible at all.
Porn Gives You a Warped View of what Attractive Is
Sex is supposed to bond you physically, emotionally and spiritually with
your spouse. But if porn has made the chemical pathways in your brain
go haywire, then sex becomes only about the body. And porn shows you
that only certain body types are attractive. It’s not about the whole
person; it’s just a certain type of person.
If a woman gains even ten pounds, then, she’s no longer attractive, and
the porn user has an honest to goodness difficult time getting aroused,
because he associates only a certain body type with arousal.
Porn Makes Sex Seem Like Too Much Work
All of this combines to often make sex with your spouse too much work.
You’re not aroused; you find your spouse not attractive; sex is blah; and
sex requires you to make an effort for your spouse, while you’re used to
immediate gratification.
Thus, many people who use porn retreat into a life of masturbation.
Even if the porn use stops, they often find it easier to “relieve”
themselves in the shower than to have to work at sex.
Porn Causes Selfishness
All of this causes a spiral of selfishness where the person ignores his
spouse’s needs and is focused only on getting what he wants, and getting
it instantly. Often this manifests itself in other areas of the relationship
as well, where the spouse becomes annoyed if they have to wait for
something, or if they don’t get what they want. Porn has sold them the

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 51
message: you deserve pleasure when you want it. You shouldn’t have to
work to get what you want. Your needs are paramount.
It’s no wonder that shows up in other areas of your relationship.
People who think that porn is harmless and simply helps people “get in
the mood”, or “relieves frustration”, are kidding themselves. The
chemical processes in our brains are really complicated, and when you
start messing with them, it’s really difficult to develop a healthy
sexuality again. However, it absolutely can be done!

HOW TO BREAK PORNOGRAPHIC ADDICTION.

1. Write down the harmful effects of your addiction.

It might not feel good to acknowledge all the ways in which your
addiction is harming you, but seeing the list on paper will help you
resolve to stop as soon as possible. Take out a pen and a piece of paper
and brainstorm a list that includes all the negative effects you've
experienced since your addiction started.
Think about how your addiction has affected your physical health. May
be the addiction has already taken a noticeable physical toll.
List the ways in which it has hurt you mentally. Are you embarrassed
about your addiction? In many cases addictions lead to shame and
embarrassment, as well as depression, anxiety, and other mental and
emotional issues.
How has your addiction affected your relationships with other people?
Does it prevent you from spending time with people you love, or having
enough time to pursue new relationships?
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 52
Some addictions take a big financial toll. List the amount of money you
have to spend feeding your addiction every day, week and month.
Determine whether your addiction has affected your job.
What daily annoyances are caused by your addiction? For example,
maybe you're tired of having to leave your office every time you need to
masturbate as a result of memorizing pornographic material you
watched.
2. Make a list of positive changes you want in your life.
Now that you've detailed all the negative effects of your addiction, think
about how much your life will improve once you've kicked the habit.
Create a picture of your life post-addiction. How do you want it to look?
Maybe you'll feel a sense of freedom you haven't had in years.
You'll have more time to spend on people, hobbies, and other pleasures.
You'll be able to save money again.
You know you're doing everything you can to stay healthy. You'll feel
immediate physical improvements.
You'll feel proud and confident again.

3. Write down your quitting commitment.

Having a list of solid reasons to quit will help you stick to your plan in
the long run. Your reasons for quitting must be more important to you
than continuing your addictive behavior. This mental hurdle is tough,
but it's a necessary first step to quitting any addiction. No one can make
you quit but yourself. Write down the true, solid reasons you're stopping
this habit. Only you know what they are.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 53
Here are a few examples:
Decide you're quitting because you want to have energy to live life to the
fullest again.
Decide you're quitting because you're running out of money to support
your habit.
Decide you're quitting because you want to be a better partner to your
spouse.
Decide you're quitting because you're determined to meet your
grandchildren one day.

How to go about it;

 Set a date to quit.
Don't set it for tomorrow, unless you're pretty sure quitting cold turkey
will work for you. Don't set it for more than a month from now, because
you might lose your resolve by then. Aim for a date in the next couple of
weeks. This will give you enough time to become mentally and
physically prepared.
Note: This may vary across, individual with more spiritual commitment
the date to quit may be set soonest for one compared to the other.
Mark the day on your calendar and announce it to those close to you.
Build it up so that you won't be likely to back down when the day
arrives. Make a firm commitment to yourself that you're going to quit by
that date.

 Seek personal and professional support.

It might not seem like it now, but you're going to need all the support
you can get during your journey to overcome addiction. Because so
many people battle addictions, there are many wonderful institutions in

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 54
place that serve as support systems, helping you stay motivated,
providing tips for success, and encouraging you to try again if you have
a false start.
Research in-person and online support groups designed to help people
with the specific type of addiction you're battling. Many resources are
free.
Make an appointment with a therapist skilled in helping people through
addictions. Find someone you're comfortable with so you'll be able to
rely on him or her in the months to come. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
(CBT), behavioral therapy, Motivational Interviewing, Gestalt
techniques and life skills training are amongst the techniques that have
been proven successful for those seeking to overcome addictions. A
therapeutic setting ensures that you will have privacy and that the
treatment will be based on your particular needs and goals.
Seek support from your closest loved ones and friends. Let them know
how much this means to you. If you're addicted to a substance, ask them
not to use it in your presence.

 .Identify your triggers.

Everyone has a certain set of triggers that make them automatically
want to indulge their habits. For example, if you're struggling with an
alcohol addiction, you might find it difficult to attend a certain restaurant
without feeling a strong urge to drink. If you're addicted to gambling,
passing a casino on the way home from work might make you feel
compelled to stop. Knowing your triggers will help you face them down
when the time comes to quit.
Stress is often a trigger for all kinds of addictions.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 55
Certain situations, like parties or other social gatherings, might act as
triggers.
Certain individuals can be triggers.

 Start ramping down your addictive habit.

Instead of quitting immediately, start by decreasing your use. For most
people, this makes it easier to quit. Indulge less frequently, and
gradually continue reducing it as your day to quit for good approaches.

 Get your environment ready.(Rid your environment of any

Pornographic Material)
Remove reminders of your addiction from your home, car and
workplace. Get rid of all the objects that go along with the habit, as well
as other items that remind you of the habit.
Consider replacing the objects with items that help you feel positive and
calm. Treat yourself to a few good books (A lot of Religious literature is
available on the internet as well as books) or DVDs (You can watch a
movie about a saint instead of pornography) and any other content
provided they don't contain material that could act as a trigger.

Break the cycle of porn addiction in 4 easy steps

"How to Overcome Porn Addiction and Get Your Life Back" courtesy
of mandyxclear
He sat there in his suit and wept. "I've stopped going out. I'm scared I'll
get discovered doing it at work. I don't even want to see my girlfriend!
It's ruining my life!"

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 56
Jeremy wasn't talking about alcohol or crack cocaine or marijuana. He
was talking about the porn addiction that had been dictating his work
and social life, even the amount he was sleeping. "Honestly, it's as if I
am being held ransom by the need to look at the stuff!"
Porn addiction is as real as any other chronic dependency. Sure, you're
not injecting or ingesting anything into your body. But chronic porn
viewing does have a physical effect (exhaustion of dopamine release in
the brain). And the time spent 'ingesting' porn is mind-numbing and
leaves you exhausted. After hours of viewing porn on his computer,
Jeremy couldn't 'switch off' his mind enough to sleep.
Internet porn addiction, like online gambling, is easier to fall into,
because what once involved going out and meeting others face-to-face
can now be done easily and covertly at the click of a button. This
availability makes it all the more potentially devastating. So why does
porn addiction happen?
Am I really addicted to pornography?
Being addicted to porn isn't, strangely, just about sex. Viewing porn is
hypnotic in that it narrows the focus of attention and makes us lose track
of time. So people use it for escapism but, in the end, people always
want to escape the very thing they were using...to escape. Jeremy said as
much: "If I was having a rough time at work or been rowing with the
girlfriend, I'd use porn to just forget about everything." Eventually, of
course, the cure becomes the curse.
How do you tell if you're actually addicted to porn?
Well, if you feel it controls you and you regularly view porn for hours
and often feel you can't stop; if it affects work, social life, sleep, and (in
Jeremy's case) even made him miss meals, then it needs to be dealt with.
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 57
"The problem," Jeremy told me with a shaking voice, "is that my job
needs lots of very detailed concentration."
Porn blunts the senses and leaves you feeling unable to focus or
concentrate on anything else. It can also leave you feeling disgusted with
yourself.
Excessive porn viewing steals time away from actual real-life and
potentially productive projects. The more porn you view, the more you
want to view and the more extreme it needs to be to give you the same
'buzz'.
How porn addiction lies to you
Like any addictive behavior, porn ultimately never delivers what it
seems to promise. First there's the feeling of building expectation before
you start viewing. At first there is excitement but then, bit by bit, you
start to feel hollow as the 'pornographic gorge' gathers pace.
And, as with all binges, you start to feel overloaded, bloated with
images. When you do finally stop, you feel worse than you did to start
with as you experience the post-binge comedown.
But, as Jeremy found, there is a way back.

Here are four key steps to overcoming porn addiction.

1) Feel the consequences before they happen

Ever notice how, in the moments before you view porn, you are stuck in
the moment? How you become blinkered to how you're going to feel

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after viewing porn? How the excitement clouds out the reality of the
post-viewing exhaustion, disappointment, shame, or disgust?
Next time you feel tempted, for whatever reason, walk away from the
computer or DVD or magazine and sit in another room – just for twenty
seconds. Close your eyes and really focus on the memory of the reality
of how you feel after a porn viewing session.
Focus in on the tiredness, the self-disgust and disappointment, the
feeling of foggy-headedness. Get into the habit of doing this. It's like
unmasking a seemingly attractive stranger and discovering the ugly
reality. At this point, you may feel conflicted. It's as if one part of your
brain is trying to trick the rest of you.
2) Challenge the porn baloney
Step two is to challenge the addictive part of your brain that tells you
stuff like:
"It's not so bad; plenty of people do it!"
Challenge: You could tell yourself: "Yeah and plenty of people self-
harm!" Or: "I don't want to be like all those other people out there doing
it!"
"It's okay, you only need do it for a few minutes; just have a look!"
Challenge that with something like: "Yeah sure, look how much time I
waste usually. I know that you won't let me get away lightly! It's all or
nothing!"
"Come on, you've had a difficult day. You deserve it!"

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 59
Challenge perhaps with: "Yeah and this would make it ten times worse!
I need something that is really going to make me feel better about
myself."
"Who's going to know? It doesn't matter!"
Challenge with something like: "Well, don't I matter? Because I'm going
to know and anyway, others could find out!"
So, whenever you catch yourself trying to justify looking at porn, learn
to challenge it. You can do this by first catching what the attempted
'phony sales techniques' or 'baloney' of your mind are that try to get you
to view. Write these down, and then write really good objections to
them.
3) Gain insight into how porn addiction works
Think about when the danger times are. What's different about these
times? Are you more likely to be procrastinating from a work project or
feeling bored, lonely, unappreciated, or tired? Using porn because you
are tired and need to 'rest the brain' has the effect of making you much
more tired.
Make a plan for when you feel like this that doesn't involve flinging
portions of your life away on porn. If you feel tired, close your eyes for
twenty minutes and relax, have a bath, or even go for a walk (exercise
can often make us feel more energized). Get to know yourself and when
you are more likely to be taken in by porn's promptings. Plan ahead by
telling yourself: "Okay, tonight is the end of a long week and I'll be tired
and maybe a bit stressed. I know it's a porn danger time, so I'm going to
the gym after work. Then I'll arrange to meet friends." The more you
walk away from porn, the easier it becomes to walk away.

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to stay. So don't even get started. Page 60
Also think about the times when you haven't used porn, even when you
had the opportunity. What was different about those times? Really think
about that. Because therein lies the solution.
4) Go do something more interesting instead!
Ideally, what would you rather be doing with time you've wasted on
porn? Furthering your career? Perfecting playing a musical instrument?
Socializing? Even watching TV can feel more productive. Time isn't
infinite, so rather than spending time worrying about porn viewing or
feeling guilty, start focusing on what you really want to do with your
time. Suppose someone spent 40 hours viewing repetitive porn (and porn
is repetitive). How good would they become if they used those 40 hours
to cook or read or write? How fit would you be if you ran for those
hours or took dance classes? How informed would you be if you viewed
the History Channel for that time? What we put into our heads is just as
important as the diet we give our bodies.
Jeremy hasn't viewed porn for three months. He tells me he has amazing
energy, has got his 'mind back', and feels like he can respect himself
again.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 61
MASTURBATION & SEXUAL FANTASY = IMPOTENCE
By Dr. Bernell Christensen, PhD.
In my clinic, I often work with individuals, both men and women, who
suffer from sexual impotence. A common situation among men who
engage in compulsive masturbation and sexual fantasy, is they have
increasing difficulty becoming aroused by their partner. Some time back,
a struggling individual left a message on one of our blogs.
Masturbation and sexual fantasy were creating a major barrier to
having healthy, fulfilling relationships. This has been my reality for as
long as I can remember. I was wondering if anyone else has/does have
the same problem. My masturbation addiction has progressed since the
age of 10, I am now 23. Without going into all the details of my life, by
the time I hit my 20′s my addiction had completely taken over all aspects
of my being, taking me away from enjoying almost everything else. This
can also be said for my love life. It got to the stage where I'd quickly
become bored sexually with new partners. Even for women that I was in
love with, when it came to sex, I ended up choosing porn, fantasy and
masturbation over them.
I'm single at the moment as you'd probably expect, stuck in a position
where my addiction has resulted in me conditioning myself to only
respond/get some form of sexual gratification from fantasy and
masturbation, despite how empty and unfulfilling it really is. It's a sad
state of affairs and I know that alongside my desire to break free from
my addiction, I also want to find love. I have no troubles attracting
women, but I have stopped hooking up with any because despite how
much I may like them, I just no longer desire sex with a real person. I
will add that having a high sex drive makes no difference if it's only
directed towards fantasy and masturbation, as is my problem.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 62
Like many others out there, I'm living proof of how destructive this
addiction really is. Thank you for reading and letting me share my story
with you.
You might be wondering, "How in the world can this guy be so caught
up in fantasy and masturbation that he can no longer have a
relationship with a real person?" If you've spent much time on the
RECLAiM website, you know that we focus heavily on brain science.
This individual's story is a perfect example of the power of a
neuroscience principle called, "Context-Based Reinforcement."
This simply means that when we consistently repeat a specific behavior
in the same environment or set of circumstances, over time that behavior
becomes deeply reinforced in the brain and becomes an automatic habit.
Put a "high reward" into the mix (sexual climax), and the habit can
quickly turn into an addiction (a destructive behavior we keep repeating
in spite of the negative consequences).
Back to our example—for 13 years, the individual turned to fantasy and
masturbation (self-sex) as his primary sexual outlet. His ritual always
culminated with the high reward of sexual climax. When a certain
activity is repeatedly linked to climax, that activity becomes deeply
rooted and dominant in the brain—Context-Based Reinforcement. Over
time, this individual built a sexual circuitry in his brain that linked
sexual climax to fantasy and self-sex instead of a real human being in a
long-term committed relationship. He literally "re-wired" his brain,
making healthy sexual intimacy with a partner nearly impossible.
It's very telling when Internet porn sites that promote masturbation are
filled with ads for Viagra-type drugs to treat impotence, or "erectile
dysfunction." This misleading term implies that these men have a
problem with their genitals, but in reality the problem is with a brain and
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 63
nervous system which have learned through repeated experience that
sexual arousal and climax are achieved solo—through fantasy and self-
stimulation.
But erectile dysfunction is only one small part of the "male impotence"
brought on by fantasy and masturbation. Far more debilitating is
"intimacy impotence"—the increasing inability of the man to connect,
bond and truly be "one" with his partner—to enjoy full intimacy which is
physical, emotional and spiritual. Instead, he opts for "self-sex" in the
company of cold, imaginary, fantasy images.
The good news in all of this is that the brain is neuroplastic—it's
moldable, shapeable and changeable. Just because you have used
Context-Based Reinforcement to build specific brain circuitry over time,
that doesn't mean you're forever stuck or trapped. You CAN change your
own brain—you can shrink unwanted sexual behavior circuitry while
building new healthy sexuality circuitry. Using the right knowledge,
tools and skills, the individual in our example can get to the place where
he is able to enjoy healthy sexual intimacy in a long-term committed
relationship. The amazing thing is, the same type of brain process that
got him into this mess in the first place—Context-Based
Reinforcement— can be used to get him out!

Harmful effects of masturbation to be considered.

1. Masturbation makes you weak; it drains protein and calcium
content in the body
2. Masturbation creates nervousness and neurological problems
3. Masturbation is one of the main causes for erectile dysfunction.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 64
4. Masturbation addicts you even if you taste it for one time.
Controlling it is a very big menace.
5. Masturbation creates drowsiness; you will be sleeping most of the
time after ejaculation of your sperm. You will experience damn
tiredness.
6. Masturbation causes stress and strain in your mind and soul.
7. Masturbation also affects us psychologically; it creates depression
after ejaculation and makes one feeling bad on his own.
8. Masturbation cannot be done simply, it needs to see, touch,
indulge or, at last to think of a sexual practice/ sex organ of the opposite
sex. This is more harmful that the image in your memory that you see
could not be erased easily. This will lead you to a noxious problem that
you cannot see any girl/ lady/ women without a single thought i.e., sex.
9. Masturbation creates an urge to do indefinitely; it doesn’t see the
place, people and culture. It makes you digging worse sexual problems if
chance knocks the door.
10. Masturbation is the main reason for speedy sperm release during
sexual intercourse (pre-mature ejaculation). It will create dissatisfaction
to you and to your wife.
11. Ethically masturbation is wrong; you think of X/Y and do sex of
your own. This hinders your values and respect for others. You may be
good in all other regards but will end up in a great problem if not
concerned to stop this habit.
12. The pleasure of masturbation never lasts for a long time.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 65
13. Masturbation is not the end of your desire; you may be fooled by
your own practice. It will never give you a solution or a satisfaction but
seems that it gives.
14. Guys who masturbate will lose interest in sex with their wife very
soon. They can’t feel pleasurable for long time.

Breaking addiction to masturbation.

You may say, I have battled with this addiction for so long, have tried to
stop it but i can’t, here are some easy ways to help you break away from
this demon called masturbation:

1. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books
-- Church books -- Scriptures .Make a daily habit of reading at least
one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in
the New Testament. and anything else in the Bible can be helpful
because of their uplifting qualities.

2. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year
and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself
to _never again_ you will always be open to temptation.

3. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a

changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong
and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.

4. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel

lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can
trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 66
 counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a
book, visiting a friend, doing athletics, etc.

5. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with

you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self-control, color
the day black. Your goal will be to have no black days. The calendar
becomes a strong visual reminder of self-control and should be
looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your
calendar up until you have at least three clear months.

6. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain
times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what
your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand
how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.

7. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called

aversion therapy. When we associate or think of something very
distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but
undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel
out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very
distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the
act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to
bathe in a tub of worms, and eating several of them as you do the act.

8. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a

big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or
reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a
continuing reminder of your progress.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 67
9. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which
were part of your problem. Satan never gives up. Be calmly and
confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win
this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give
your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and
fulfillment.
10. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen
you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the
temptations are strongest.

11. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this

plan to improving your Church service, to improving your
relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance
your strengths and talents.

12. Avoid Pornography: Most times what brings the urge is after
seeing a pornographic picture or video. You will have to destroy and
delete them from your phone and computer, if you can’t do it on your
own give it to a friend to help you.

13. Replace that pleasure with a different one: Find other pleasurable
activities that bring you joy. Find an enjoyable hobby that requires
your full attention. For example, if you enjoy art take a painting class.

14. And finally avoid being alone, as the saying goes, “an idle mind is
the devil’s workshop” when you feel the urge to do it, just get up and
walk away to be with people, chat with them, and before you know it
the urge goes away. Always tell yourself that you want to stop this
thing, when the urge comes tell yourself NO, it’s a way of doing self-
therapy.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 68
INDECENT DRESSING
Taking excerpts from the writings of Reverend Father. Charles M.
Mangan titled “Modesty in Dress: A Return to Decency”
Modesty is counted as one of the twelve fruits of the Holy Spirit; these
perfections that the Holy Spirit forms in us as the “ first fruits of eternal
glory” are listed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “charity, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, modesty, self-control,
chastity”(#1832).
Dressing modestly is to avoid deliberately causing sexual excitement in
oneself or neighbor.
One who dresses modestly shuns clothes that are known or reasonably
expected to effect arousal in oneself or others.
Has the church encouraged the practice of this virtue (modesty)?
YES. Only a few of the stirring exhortations offered by some holy
members of the church now offered. (These Counsels apply to men as
well as women.)
Saint Paul (+ about 67), in his First Letter to Saint Timothy, wrote:
“women should adorn themselves modestly and sensibly in seemly
apparel , not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly attire but by
good deeds, as befit women who profess religion.”(2:9-10)
Saint John Chrysostom (about 347-407) spoke out against immodesty in
dress. “You carry your snare and spread your nets in all places. You
allege that you never invited others to sin. You did not indeed, by your
words, but you have done so by your dress and your deportment and
much more effectively than you could by your voice.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 69
When you have made another sin in his heart, how can you be innocent?
Tell me, who does this world Condemn? Whom do the judges in court
punish? Those who drink poison or those who prepare it and administer
the fatal poison? You have prepared the abominable cup, you have given
the death-dealing drink, and you are more criminal than those who
poison the body; you murder not the body but the soul.
And it’s not to the enemies that you do this, nor are you urged on by any
imaginary necessity, nor provoked by injury, but out of foolish vanity
and pride.”
It has been said that Jesus Himself appeared to Mother Mary Rafols, a
Spanish Sister, and delivered a message about Modesty. The following
writing is dated 1815.
“The offences that I (Jesus) have received, and those that I shall yet
receive, are many: especially the offenses of woman, with her
immodest dress, her nakedness, her frivolity and her evil intentions.
Because of all this, she shall accomplish the demoralization of the
family and of man-kind…”
The Servant of God Pope Pius XII (1939-1958) addressed the urgent
necessity of cultivating modesty several times during his nearly twenty-
year-long pontificate.
How many young girls there are who see nothing wrong in following
certain shameless styles like so many sheep. They would certainly blush
with shame if they could know the impression they make, and the
feelings they evoke, in those who see them.
The good of our soul is more important than the good of our body;
and we have to prefer the spiritual welfare of our neighbor to our bodily
comforts… if a certain kind of dress constitutes a grave and
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 70
proximate occasion of sin, and endangers the salvation of your soul
and others, it’s your duty to give it up…
O Christian mothers, if you knew what a future of anxieties and perils,
of ill-guarded shame you prepare for your sons and daughters,
imprudently getting them accustomed to live scantily dressed and
making them loose their sense of modesty, you would be ashamed of
yourselves and you would dread the harm which you are making for
yourselves, the harm which your causing these children, whom Heaven
has entrusted to you to be brought up as Christians.
Because the human body is a creation of the creator Himself, the Church
has the obligation to speak out when this temple of the Holy Spirit is
being abused or manipulated.
The human body is truly God’s masterpiece in the visible world:
Jesus the Lord elevated the human body to the rank of the temple of
the Holy Spirit, and as such must be respected.”
Sadly, we must admit that there do exist certain fashions and styles in
our age that “create confusion in well-ordered minds and can be an
incentive to evil.
Clothing composed of a transparent (“see-through”) material isn’t
modest because of its obvious intent to expose to view various body
parts that have been deemed- by most cultures and in most time periods-
needy of cover.
Shorts that are very short (i.e., exposing much of the thigh), whether for
a man or woman, can’t be regarded as decent.
Boys and Men shirtless without sufficient reason (an allowance is made
for swimming and vigorous work and exercise, as long as temptation is

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 71
avoided) is problematic, especially given that such a sight may be an
unnecessary occasion of sin for another.
Perhaps the area of modesty in dress that attracts the most attention is
that of attire for women and girls.
It must be admitted: the sight of unclothed (even partially) bodies of
women and girls have generally inspired lust and desire more than the
bodies of men and boys.
Clothing no matter how “chic” that reveals the front and back of women
and girls, thereby significantly exposing their flesh, and drawing
attention in some way to their breasts, is reprehensible. Skirts that rise
much above the Knee and highlight the shape of the leg for that very
purpose are inappropriate.
God has made the human body beautiful. It is not an object to be used
for impurity but a gift to be esteemed and legitimately shared in the
building up of the Kingdom of God on earth.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 72
ABORTION

God created man and modeled him in his own true likeness. He owns
(our) Human life from the beginning to the end and we must also protect
and respect it all the way from conception to natural death. According
to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, no one “can index any
circumstance claim for himself the right to destroy any human being”
The bringing of human life to an end is known as murder however
different terms are used for ways in which it’s done. For this booklet
let’s draw our attention to abortion.
Abortion
Termination of pregnancy either because it is unwanted out of shame,
irresponsibility, insecurity and fear. It can be for scientific research or of
recent for cosmetology.
The 5th commandment says: Thou shall not kill. It forbids direct and
intentional killing as a gravely sinful. It also forbids doing anything with
the intention of indirectly bringing about a person’s death i.e. exposing
one to mortal danger without reason or refusing to help someone in
danger.
Life starts at conception and therefore the embryo must be defended and
in as far as possible must be treated like any other human being.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 73
EXPLORING AND DISMISSING THE REASONS FOR ABORTION

1. I can’t let my parents know – they’ll kill me!

Have your parents ever killed anyone before? Unless they really are
violent, you mean they will be very upset. And you are probably right.
Give your parents some credit, though. They did not make it to
adulthood without experiencing disappointment. Your parents have had
dreams shattered and hopes dashed, yet they have survived. Abortion
involves the life of their grandchild. It seems only fair to include them,
even if they will initially be shocked by the news. Open communication
is key. Keeping a secret – for years and years – will add unhealthy stress
to your system. You don’t need more of that!
2. I can’t support myself, much less a baby. I want to finish
school.
It can be very scary to have financial difficulties, but there truly are a lot
of possible solutions. Social service agencies offer temporary assistance
with food, medical care and even babysitting. Today’s schools often
give aid to single mothers or a job could always come through. Church
groups will sometimes help. A lot can change financially in nine
months! Another alternative would be to place the baby in a loving
adoptive home. What an honorable act! Of course there can be heartache
with this choice. Abortion can carry guilt and shame. Adoption can
cause grief but also gives hope for a positive future – for both you and
your baby.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 74
 3. Well, it is legal (U.S.A).
Yes, but many things that are legal (smoking, cheating on your partner,
gambling) may not be right for you. And our country is in conflict about
the legal worth of a fetus. If a pregnant woman dies in a plane crash, her
baby’s life is counted in the death toll. Likewise, a fetus is protected
from a mother who is abusing drugs. The woman can be put in jail while
pregnant to protect the baby’s health. Laws and opinions are constantly
changing (even the original woman who was "Roe" in the landmark Roe
vs. Wade case that legalized abortion now speaks publicly against it).
And some women are suing their abortionists for damage done to them
from their "safe and legal" abortions. Don’t depend on the legal system
to make your own moral choices for you!
4. My boyfriend will break up with me if I don’t have an
abortion.
Here’s the sad truth. Your boyfriend will probably break up with you
anyway, especially if you are both young or haven’t been dating long. If
you get the abortion, you will always remind him of something he isn’t
proud of. If you don’t, he may resent that he has to pay child support and
take responsibility as a father. Either way, it isn’t wise to make a life-
altering decision based on what someone else dictates. Remember that
the baby’s father has no legal rights when it comes to abortion. He
cannot force you to have one, and you should not give him the power to
do so. Is a guy who would break up with you for not ending your baby’s
life really worth trusting with the decision anyway?

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 75
 5. My mother is pressuring me to have an abortion.
Some parents suggest abortion because a pregnancy will impact their
own lives in negative ways. Most really do put their children first,
wanting what is best for them. Your mother may sincerely desire to take
away your pain. She may believe the lie that abortion is an easy way out.
Your mom may feel she had her own child too young, or at the cost of
her own education. She may not wish the same to happen to you. She
may have had an abortion herself and see it as the answer. But what your
mother may not realize is that 94% of women who have had an abortion
regret their decision. If she knew the facts about the potential physical
and emotional consequences for the daughter she loves, your mother
might instead choose to support you in the pregnancy. Chances are, your
mother is glad she did not abort you.
6. Getting pregnant was an accident. I just want to undo it.
Many people can relate to the feeling of desperately wanting to turn
back time, but there just is no way to reverse a pregnancy. Once
conception has occurred, there is a baby who needs to come out – either
in pieces from an abortion or whole and alive through a birth. A normal
pregnancy lasts only 40 weeks, a relatively short amount of time in the
whole of your life. Carrying your baby to term and then placing the baby
for adoption could make what you now consider "an accident," a huge
blessing for others. Choosing abortion over adoption because you know
you would naturally become attached to your baby throughout the
pregnancy means that you recognize there will be pain at separation.
That pain will lessen over time and be eased by knowing you made the
unselfish choice to offer your baby a wonderful life. If you fear your
baby won’t be brought up in a loving adoptive home, try to imagine
what could be less loving than ending his or her life.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 76
 7. I don’t like what pregnancy will do to my body.
While it is true that pregnancy causes changes in your body, many
women today actually celebrate those changes and stay in great shape.
But, if you are honestly fearful of what being pregnant may do to you,
consider also what abortion can do. The most common, immediate, and
short-term complications include excessive bleeding, infections, intense
pain, high fever, incomplete removal of the baby or placenta (which can
cause life-threatening infections and sterility), PID (pelvic inflammatory
disease), and a punctured or torn uterus. Abortion can also result in
problems with reproductive organs that can make it difficult to conceive
or carry a child to term in the future. For pregnant women who have
previously had abortions, they now have a 160% increased risk of tubal
pregnancy and 200% increased risk of miscarriage. You are not doing
your body any favors by subjecting it to an abortion.
8. It’s not really a baby. It’s just a "blob of tissue".
The fact is that upon fertilization 23 chromosomes from each parent
have joined to form a 46-chromosome, complete individual with the eye
color, shoe size, and sex already determined. Only oxygen and nutrition
are added in the womb. An ultrasound at the earliest stages of
development will reveal the specific features of a unique person
miraculously being formed. And consider this: those in post-abortion
support groups across the country are not there to mourn the loss of their
"blobs of tissue". They are there to mourn the loss of their babies.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 77
 9. I’m pregnant because of a rape.
Carrying this baby to term must seem unthinkable! Although our culture
would give you "permission" and even encouragement to abort, please
don’t jump to that as the obvious choice. Adding another violent act,
abortion, to the horrible thing that has already happened to you, will
only complicate your healing process. You are in a very unusual
circumstance (conception from rape is extremely rare) and it is
understandable that you would be frantic. But don’t allow the rapist to
further impact your situation by causing you to end the life of an
innocent child.
10. I have to have an abortion. There’s no other way.
Let’s stop to think of some other possibilities. Find people who help
women with unintended pregnancies and get creative ideas from them.
Yes, your lifestyle with your current friends will change. But you will be
amazed at how supportive others can be (including pastors, counselors
or staff at a local pregnancy center).
And if you go to God and ask for help, He will hear your prayers. In
fact God tells you (in Isaiah 43:18-19) to forget the former things and
not dwell on the past. God is doing a new thing! Do you not see it? He is
making a way in the desert and will give you streams in the wasteland.
Take comfort in God’s promises and ask Him to guide your decision as
you gather information, view an ultrasound and consider every
alternative. Respect the life He has created within you, despite the
circumstances. Safeguard your own future health and well-being by
confidently doing the right thing. You may not be happy with decisions
made by you or others in the past. But now you have the opportunity to
make a better choice, not only for yourself but also for your child.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 78
CONTEMPLATING AN ABORTION? BE INFORMED!

What are the facts?

 The right to life is the most fundamental human right.

 Human life begins at conception/fertilisation.
 When the sperm meets the egg, all that is needed for human
development is present in that cell.
 We all started the journey of life as a fertilized egg.
 The Morning-After pill does not prevent fertilisation, it causes
early abortion.
 The human heart begins beating 18 days after
conception/fertilisation.
 Abortion is an intentional killing of an innocent unborn child. (See
spiritual consequences- Exod. 20:13, Gen. 4:9-12, Deut. 27:25, Ps.
106:37-42, Gen 9:5-6, Is. 1:15-16).
 Abortion only kills the body, not the soul since the human soul is
immortal. ( “Fear the one who after has killed has the power to cast
into hell”-Lk. 12:4-5).
 Some rare conditions may require the premature delivery of a child
to save a mother’s life. This is usually necessary at a time when the
child can survive outside the womb. Care should be taken to save
the lives of both mother and baby.

 Pregnancy after rape? Abortion does not reverse a rape- it kills a

baby, punishes the innocent child for the crime of the of the father
(Deut. 24:16).

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 79
  Abortion after incest/defilement protects the abuser, kills the
innocent baby and exposes the abused to further abuse and
abortion complications. It’s double tragedy for the abused girl.
ABORTION AFTERMATH

Abortion is the knowing destruction of the life of an unborn child. But

this is only part of the story as abortion also hurts the woman involved.
Abortion affects women physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The family members and medical personnel involved in the decision
making process of an abortion share the sin/demerit of an abortion.
Abortion is known to bring emotional torment in its aftermath, yet few
understand this as being demonic and spiritual bondage. Abortion, as far
as the Bible is concerned, is nothing less than the murder of an innocent
person which God has created, and is a source for great spiritual
bondage.

What makes abortion murder?

The token that the pro-choice (pro-abortion) use, is that the fetus
(unborn child) is not a person yet, but only a mass of tissue! If the fetus
were simply a mass of tissue without a human spirit, then I think we
could justify abortion. However, the fetus is not simply a mass of tissue,
but rather a person to whom God is knitting together their physical body
in the mother's womb.
Abortion's aftermath is proof alone that abortion is indeed spiritual!
Jesus made it clear that murder is a source of spiritual defilement:

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 80
Matthew 15:18-20, "But those things which proceed out of the mouth
come forth from the heart; and they defile the man. For out of the heart
proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false
witness, and blasphemies: These are the things which defile a man..."
Some women may not seem to be tormented so badly by abortion's
aftermath, but that is if their conscience has been sheered:
1Timothy4:2, "Such teachings are spread by deceitful liars whose
consciences are dead, as if burnt with a hot iron."
If a fetus (unborn child) was simply a mass of tissue, then it would be
impossible for any woman who believes such a lie to experience such
awful mental torment and shame after having an abortion.
The truth is, abortion is a source for enormous spiritual and mental
bondage and torment. It is a means for spiritual defilement, just as cold-
blooded murder is, and opens a person up to unclean spirits (demons) to
enter and harass the person.
Studies have shown that abortion is also linked to suicide because of
such torment and bondage... many women feel it's better that they
weren't even born if they have to face such torment. Nobody knows
what it's like to be in bondage, until they are the ones facing it in their
own lives, and the sad truth is that many women today don't realize what
they are getting themselves into until it is too late, and the damage is
already done.
The linkage between abortions and suicide
Abortion is nothing less than murder, and opens the door to spirits that
will drive a person into the ground. Depression is a common side effect
that is experienced by those who have had an abortion.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 81
It is not uncommon for this depression to affect the person so badly that
they are driven to suicide. Suicide is almost always, if not always caused
by a demon... how does a spirit of suicide enter these women?
They have been defiled through murder, which opens them up to a
murder-related spirit of suicide!
Women who have had abortions are almost always said to experience
some or many of the following symptoms:
- Bondage to shame and guilt
- Nightmares relating to the abortion
- Feeling that God would never forgive them
- Depression which can lead to suicide (Studies show that abortion is
linked to suicide)
- Self-hatred for allowing themselves to do such a thing
- Sleep disorders - finding it hard to get to sleep at night
- Flashbacks and even hearing sounds of children crying
- Desire to have another baby to replace the aborted baby
- Inability to form a true loving bond with her other children
- And many more...

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 82
CAN ABORTION BE SAFE?

There is no such thing as “safe” abortion. Even in the developed world

where health systems are very efficient and abortion has been legal for
decades; women who go to hospital for abortion are at risk of getting
complications than those who go to deliver babies.
1. Women who abort their babies have 81% increased risk of mental
health problems.
2. Abortion increases your risk of developing breast cancer.
3. One abortion increases the risk of premature babies by 30%. Two
or more abortions increase the risk by 50-70%.
4. All abortions carry the risk of physical complications like
excessive bleeding, injury to organs, infection and may seriously
affect a woman’s fertility.
5. The direct effects of “safe legal abortion” include the death of a
mother.
Society suffers when some people can kill others for convenience.
Are you pregnant and confused? Have you impregnated someone?
Abortion is not the solution, you might kill two.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 83
DEALING WITH ABORTION'S AFTERMATH-PYSCHOLOGICAL
HELP.

1) Remembering the Pain

The first step in the healing journey is peeling away the callus formed by
months or years of denying and repressing the painful emotions
connected with the abortion experience. Why is it necessary to dredge
up that which the mind has worked so hard to forget? Because the grief,
anger and guilt a woman felt about the events surrounding her abortion
were never processed. They were bundled up and hidden away since
they were too painful to deal with; but they continue to fester like a
smoldering infection, affecting current choices and behavior.

The simplest way to access these old feelings is environment in which

the woman can tell about her abortion experience.

2) Identifying and Releasing the Anger

Many post-abortive women have a serious resistance to verbalizing their

anger. They think, “If I go to that bleak, unlit place inside me, I may get
in touch with a rage that will lead to a total loss of control.” And control
is everything to a person who is barely hanging on to normal functioning
in the wake of unresolved trauma.

Many people are raised in homes where it is not only considered wrong
to express anger, but any display of negative emotions is off limits. The
woman who has been raised in a religious home may be particularly
hampered in this task area, because she has heard countless sermons
exhorting her not to be angry or to express anger toward another human

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 84
being. Rather, she is to swallow it and forgive others, as she has been
forgiven to God.

Unfortunately, until the anger is identified and disposed of, it lays

beneath the surface like a pool of toxic waste, always threatening to boil
up and interfere with any efforts to reach wholeness. The paradox is this:
until the post-abortive woman is willing to stop denying the pain and
anger she felt (and still feels) about her abortion, she will never get rid of
it.

3) Grieving the Loss

The need to grieve a pregnancy loss fully is well-documented, and for

good reason. When a woman becomes pregnant, she instinctively knows
her life has changed forever. The bonding process between mother and
child begins very soon after an initial period of dazed and conflicting
emotions. When that bond is broken – yes, even when it is the mother's
choice to break it – something is ripped out of the woman's very soul.

Needless to say, awareness of the need to grieve the loss of an aborted

child is almost nonexistent in our culture. It is thus very common for the
post-abortive woman to approach this task with confusion: “How do I
grieve the death of a child when I was the executioner?” Learning how
to think of the baby as a real individual, naming the baby, writing out
her feelings for her child, and even having a quiet, private memorial
service are ways to work through the grief and hope for Healing.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 85
The impact of not grieving the loss incurred

Abortion choices create a situation of disenfranchised grief in women’s

lives. Disenfranchised grief is grief experienced by an individual that is
not openly acknowledged, socially validated or publically observed. The
loss experienced is real, but survivors are not accorded the “right to
grieve” by anyone around them.

A common effect of disenfranchised grief is depression, manifesting

itself in small periods of sadness or more full-blown stints of
depression. These periods may be accompanied by crying spells and
low times of “blue” days.

Unprocessed grief can also cause people to “stay stuck” in anger without
even realizing the source of their anger. Not connecting the depression
with the unprocessed grief surrounding an abortion choice is typical.

Other ways to avoid “the abortion box” stashed in the corner of one’s
mind are medicating the pain with drugs or alcohol, becoming dependant
on people and even eating disordered behaviors. It is a known fact that
limiting food becomes a way to process grief.

DEALING WITH ABORTION’S AFTERMATH-SPIRITUAL HELP.

The Church is a place of healing. It speaks the truth about abortion to

men and women contemplating this action. ‘Don’t do it! It is wrong and
it will hurt you and the baby,’ but it also speaks the full truth: ‘If you
have had an abortion, God’s mercy is great enough to forgive that,
too.’ Jesus offers forgiveness and healing. He offers the hope and

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to stay. So don't even get started. Page 86
promise of resurrection and reunion with the child who is waiting for his
parents in heaven.

Everyone is a part of the healing ministry of Christ. You may know

someone whom you think has had an abortion. You never accuse or
confront. A simple word that will touch their hearts and release them
from fear and isolation can begin the healing process.

You might say something like, ‘You know, I just read this article on
post-abortion trauma. It said that women and men who have
experienced abortion can suffer for years with remorse, depression,
anxiety, nightmares and worry about their decision. Many times they
think there is something wrong with them, but in reality they are
suffering grief from the loss of their child.’

You will come to understand that nothing is definitively lost and you
will also be able to ask forgiveness from your child, who is now living
with the Lord. With the friendly expert help and advice of other people,
and as a result of your own painful experience, you can be among the
most eloquent defenders of everyone’s right to life. Through your
commitment to life, whether by accepting the birth of other children or
by welcoming and caring for those most in need of someone to be close
to them, you will become promoters of a new way of looking at human
life.

As pro-life people, we should be aware that we will almost always be

near those who have been involved in abortion. By listening to the
stories of those wounded by abortion and expressing sorrow for their
loss, we can witness to their child’s life and affirm their right to grieve.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 87
We should take special care to use words of love and mercy, rather than
judgment and condemnation. And we should always be ready to mention
the help that is available.

REPENTANCE, FORGIVENESS, DELIVERANCE –HEALING.

To remove the sin from the soul and receive forgiveness the woman and
man involved in the abortion should go to confession as quickly as
possible.
The doctor who performs the abortion, family members involved in the
decision making process of an abortion share the sin/demerit of an
abortion and have all committed a grave sin against God and are subject
to the judgment of God, which will be going to HELL unless the repent.
We are all sinners. When you fall into a sin, you confess the sin, and
you move on in life leaving you past behind. Once you have confessed
your sins to a priest, God has forgiven them and your relationship with
God is restored.
If the person has allowed guilt and shame to overtake them for a
measure of time, then it is vital to tear down strongholds as well. True
repentance of such a sin is an absolute necessity, and without which, true
deliverance cannot be attempted. Abortion must be repented of for what
it really is, and that is murder of an innocent child.
It is also important to be sure that any bad soul ties (sex outside
marriage) are broken, and the sin of fornication (or adultery) needs to be
brought before the Lord in repentance as well before the deliverance
process begins.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 88
After true repentance has happened and legal grounds have been broken
up (bad soul ties broken, etc.), then it's time to move on to tearing down
any strongholds that are present and begin casting out the spirits that
have entered the person.
It is almost always necessary that such individuals go through a
deliverance to rid themselves of any unclean spirits that they have
picked up, tear down strongholds that have come on the scene, receive
quality post-deliverance discipleship and maintain a healthy relationship
with God so that they can receive and hold on to their freedom.
It may be possible to receive a measure of freedom without deliverance,
but I would never bypass this step if I had an abortion (murder) in my
background. It's possible to experience a certain amount of freedom,
without dealing with the root, but in such cases they will still remain in
bondage in some way or another and it just doesn't go away. If unclean
spirits are involved, then the partial freedom that they find will continue
to be challenged, and fought for as the spirits continue to work on the
person to pull them down and torment them. After complete deliverance,
the person may still need post-deliverance discipleship, but the problems
will go away and the person will not have to continually fight against the
negative 'pull' in their system.
The persons must learn to forgive themselves as well for what they have
done, and learn to love and accept themselves as Jesus loves and accepts
them. They also need to believe and accept the forgiveness that Jesus has
for them “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the
world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or
afraid.” John 14:27.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 89
UNVEILING THE MASK OF THE PRO-ABORTIONISTS AND THE
TRUTH OF PRO-LIFE.

The token that the pro-abortionists use, is that the fetus (unborn child) is
not a person yet, but only a mass of tissue! If the fetus were simply a
mass of tissue without a human spirit, then I think we could justify
abortion But if the fetus happens to be a real person(which is true),
whose body is being knit together in its mother's womb, then abortion is
nothing less than murder of an innocent life.
Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before
you were born I consecrated you; and I appointed you a prophet to the
nations." Here we see the Lord calling somebody from the womb.
clearly, the person was there, or God would have been calling nothing
from the womb. The Bible is also clear that He knew us from the womb:
Isaiah 49:1, "Listen to me, O coastlands and hearken, you people, from
far; The LORD called me from the womb, from the body of my mother he
named my name.
Can a mass of tissue be filled with the Holy Spirit? Can a mass of tissue
leap for joy? Apparently, John the Baptist was much more than tissue, as
we can see in the following verses.
Luke 1:15, "For he will be great before the Lord, and shall drink no
wine nor strong drink; and he shall be filled with the Holy Spirit, even
from his mother's womb. Luke 1:44, "For behold, when the voice of your
greeting came to my ears, the babe in my womb leaped for joy."
An unborn child is still a person in the eyes of God: The Bible is clear
that God formed us in our mother's womb, and He knew us before we
were even CONCEIVED! Genesis 25:23, "And the LORD said to her,
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 90
Two nations are within you; You will give birth to two rival peoples one
will be stronger than the other. The older shall serve the younger." God
is saying that there are two persons living in this woman's womb, and
each of them will bring forth a nation.
What abortion clinics don't want you to know- The Silent
Scream:
Fetus' have feelings... as we can see in Luke 1:44, John the Baptist
leaped for joy when he heard Mary's voice. During an abortion, it is true
that the fetus can feel the pain and reacts to the danger. The silent
scream is where a baby is being killed, and the child expresses
unspeakable terror just moments before being killed. Since the Silent
Scream is a subject all in itself, I am going to point you to a Web site,
where they go into much more detail on the Silent Scream;
SilentScream.org

Abortion providers are also wounded by their grisly task. Many doctors,
nurses, social workers and support staff who work in facilities which
perform abortions have a history of abortion in their own lives. Their
own issues of unresolved grief and guilt are temporarily held at bay by
defense mechanisms of denial, reaction formation, and identification
with the aggressor. When their defenses break down, and the realization
of their trauma and the trauma they have inflicted on others may
overwhelm them, they will need compassionate caregivers themselves.

In her new book “un-planned,” Abby Johnson describes just such a crisis
which occurred in her own life and how she found help from the very
people whom she had considered her enemies for years. Abby, who had
two abortions in college, chronicles how she joined Planned Parenthood
in the mistaken belief that in doing so she would be preventing
unwanted pregnancies, thereby reducing the number of abortions. After
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 91
having had an administrative position, scheduling patient visits and
counseling women, for several years, she became the director of a
Planned Parenthood clinic.

She describes her overwhelming horror of the abortion of a 13 week

fetus, which she experienced when she actually participated in the
procedure for the first time as an ultrasound technician. Ultrasound
guided abortions were performed infrequently at her clinic because they
took 15 minutes as opposed to the 10 minutes allotted to each surgical
abortion in order to complete the clinic’s quota of 35 abortions per day.
Here is what she says:

“I was expecting to see what I had seen in past (diagnostic) ultrasounds.

…Usually…I’d first see a leg, or the head, or some partial image of the
torso…but this time the image was complete. I could see the entire,
perfect image of the baby. ‘Just like Grace at 12 weeks’, I thought,
surprised, remembering my first peek at my daughter, three years before
snuggled securely inside my womb, only clearer, sharper. The detail
startled me. I could clearly see the profile of the head, both arms, legs,
and even tiny fingers and toes, Perfect.

My eyes still glued to the image of the perfectly formed baby, I watched
as a new image entered the video screen. The cannula a straw-shaped
instrument attached to the end of the suction tube – had just been
inserted into the uterus and was nearing the baby’s side. It looked like
an invader on the screen, out of place. Wrong. It just looked wrong.

My heart sped up. Time slowed. I didn’t want to look, but I didn’t want
to stop looking either. I couldn’t not watch. I was horrified, like a
gawker slowing as he drives past some horrific automobile wreck –not
wanting to see a mangled body, but looking all the same.
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 92
My eyes flew to the patient’s face; tears flowed from the corners of her
eyes. I could see she was in pain. The nurse dabbed the woman’s face
with a tissue. “Just breathe” the nurse gently coached her. “Breathe.”
“It’s almost over,” I whispered. I wanted to stay focused on her, but my
eyes shot back to the image on the screen.

At first, the baby didn’t seem aware of the cannula. It gently probed the
baby’s side, and for a quick second I felt relief. Of course, I thought, the
fetus doesn’t feel pain…as I’d been taught by Planned Parenthood. The
fetal tissue feels nothing as it is removed…The next movement was the
sudden jerk of a tiny foot as the baby started kicking as if trying to move
away from the probing invader. As the cannula pressed in, the baby
began struggling to turn and twist away. It seemed clear to me that the
fetus could feel the cannula and did not like the feeling. And then the
doctor’s voice broke through startling me. “Beam me up, Scotty,” he
said lightheartedly to the nurse. He was telling her to turn on the
suction…

I had a sudden urge to yell, “Stop!” To shake the woman and say,
“Look at what is happening to your baby! Wake up! Hurry! Stop them!”
…I looked at my own hand holding the probe. I was one of “them”
performing this act…The cannula was already being rotated by the
doctor, and now I could see the tiny body violently twisting with it. For
the briefest moment it looked as if the baby were being wrung like a
dishcloth, twirled and squeezed. And then the little body crumpled and
began disappearing into the cannula before my eyes. The last thing I
saw was the tiny, perfectly formed backbone sucked into the tube, and
then everything was gone. And the uterus was empty. Totally empty.”

Although she tried to keep on working, –at least on days when surgical
abortions were not scheduled—a few days later she realized that medical
It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 93
abortions were being prescribed at the clinic on a regular basis. The
reality of the terrible consequences of her work there over the previous
eight years came crashing down on top of her. She felt compelled to run
out the back door. She sought refuge in the headquarters of the Pro-life
Coalition on the other side of the fence across from the Planned
Parenthood clinic—the group whose volunteers had been quietly praying
and gently offering counseling to the women coming in for abortions for
all of those years—a group who Planned Parenthood considered to be
the enemy. She was received lovingly by them, consoled, and prayed
for. They even helped her find a new job in a doctor’s office who had
previously been an abortionist and had had a similar conversion to hers.

In her book Abby begs us not to demonize those who advocate and
perform abortions but rather to pray for them, try to befriend them, and
be there for them when their denial is broken and they desperately need
help, care and support.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 94
TAKE THE PILL AND GET DEPRESSED
By: Fr. Dwight Longenecker
An interesting study reported in London’s left-leaning The
Guardian here has upheld a clear link between the hormonal birth
control pill and depression.
A newly published study from the University of Copenhagen
has confirmed a link between hormonal contraceptives and depression.
The largest of its kind, with one million Danish women between the ages
of 15 and 34 tracked for a total of 13 years, it’s the kind of study that
women such as me, who have experienced the side-effects of birth
control-induced depression first hand, have been waiting for.
Researchers found that women taking the combined oral contraceptive
were 23% more likely to be diagnosed with depression and those using
progestin-only pills (also known as “the mini-pill”) were 34% more
likely. Teens were at the greatest risk of depression, with an 80%
increase when taking the combined pill, and that risk is two-fold with the
progestin-only pill. In addition, other hormone-based methods
commonly offered to women seeking an alternative to the pill – such as
the hormonal IUS/coil, the patch and the ring – were shown to increase
depression at a rate much higher than either kind of oral contraceptives.
As a man I hesitate to comment on the matter at all, but the woman
writing the article for the Guardian does a better job than I can in
criticizing the pill crazy culture that permeates the (male dominated)
medical profession.
That the author does not write from a Catholic perspective, makes her
case all the stronger. This is not a religiously motivated propaganda
piece. It’s a cri de coeur from a woman who has suffered depression

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 95
which was caused by the birth control pill. The fact that the doctors are
recommending long term contraceptive implants and patches for
teenaged girls is even more worrying.
Putting aside the obvious implications of underage sex, statutory rape
and child abuse, the pill is bad for women and girls, and feminists–like
the author of the article should be rightly outraged. She makes a very
interesting point that a woman’s period of fertility is very small
compared to a man who is permanently fertile and yet the women bear
the children and bear the burden of birth control.
So, why is it that we’re not supposed to take this study seriously?
Considering that women are fertile just six days per menstrual cycle and
men are fertile every single day, that the burden of avoiding unwanted
pregnancy falls to us, regardless of the burden that might have on our
health and wellbeing, is nothing short of sexism. After all, there are
certainly effective alternatives to hormonal contraceptives –the copper
coil, diaphragm, condoms and new technology that are making it simple
for women to practice the fertility awareness method, not to mention, of
course, vasectomy and the promise of Vasalgel, a contraceptive injection
for men.
Maybe, just maybe the world is beginning to come around to the
realization that the Catholic Church was right all along: the birth control
pill is a chemical control tool. It is used by men to control women’s
sexuality–making them permanently available for sexual relations
without the consequences of procreation. It therefore demeans women
and robs them of their natural gift of bearing life. It sterilizes them and
consequently sterilizes their sexuality and sterilizes their relationships
with men. It turns them into sex objects, not women.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 96
The feminists should be outraged, but they, along with the medical
establishment, dare not attack the pill for in doing so they would have to
attack the sex crazed, sex enslaved culture in which we live.
“Ain’t nobody gonna take away that candy from the baby…”
Our young women will continue, therefore, to feel pressured to be “on
the pill” and to be the playthings of men–only to be tossed aside when
he tires of them. Many young women long for a permanent, loving,
fruitful marriage relationship, but the pill allows the man to use them,
abuse them and walk away.
No wonder they get depressed.

DISPELLING THE MYTHS OF NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING:

GOOD NEWS FOR YOUNG ADULTS
Mary Lee Dey
Back in the 60s, couples who used the rhythm method of natural family
planning (NFP) were the butt of cruel jokes. The jokes ran like this:
John’s a musician. He has rhythm. He sleeps in the garage!
However, by the 90s, most Catholics ignored NFP and never had a
heart-to-heart talk with their offspring about it. Never assume-or desire-
that young people learn absolutely everything they need to know about
this issue in a particular religious education program. The Church
emphasizes that parents are the primary teachers. Without a parent’s
backup, there is little the Church can do but teach the sexuality issues,
especially NFP, into one ear as it goes out the other.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 97
At present, few young adults know about NFP. If they do know of it,
many of them mistakenly think it’s “rhythm” and unworkable, a
marriage buster, chaos driven, old-fashioned, etc. Given these myths, it’s
no wonder that many young engaged couples completely disregard the
newer methods of NFP. And we must admit that some young adults
don’t know that NFP exists because we have not taught them. Worse
yet, some in the secular culture try to make us believe that we are
woefully inadequate as parents and they, not we, should speak to our
children about sexuality. “He who teaches his son will make his
enemies envious, and will glory in him in the presence of friends” (Sir.
30:3).
How can parents spread the word about NFP to young adults?
First, pray and enlist the power of the Holy Spirit. God gives what we
ask. Receive the sacraments often to strengthen and heal you.
Second, trusting that you are knowledgeable about NFP, you can set the
atmosphere. Examine your coffee table. Do you have Catholic
newspapers, books, and magazines? Even if your teens never open one,
they can provide intriguing ideas for conversation with them. However,
the best way of easing into conversation with them is by volunteering
your time to a crisis pregnancy center, a pro-life county fair booth, or
NFP classes. If you become involved, the kids naturally assimilate your
experiences. You might even get them to help. Once you fill your mind
with pro-life ideas, your conversations will take off, and the chances are
that you will not be able to stop conversing with your young adults.
Third, after doing some of the above, briefly explain the methods of
NFP: mainly the sympto-thermal (temperature and mucus-other
secondary signs include changes in the cervix and feelings of ovulation
pain) and ovulation methods (mucus only).
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 98
 NFP helps women avoid or achieve pregnancy by an awareness of the
fertile time of the month. Primarily, the signs of a normal cervical mucus
discharge and/or a change in a woman’s waking temperature signal
time of ovulation followed by the beginning of the infertile time.
NFP IS NATURAL AND GOD-GIVEN.
It is the only method of family planning approved by the Church. It
is not contraceptive or abortifacient. It is not a drug or chemical (such as
the oral birth control pill, Depo-Provera, Norplant, and RU-486), or
barrier (such as the condom, diaphragm, and spermicides), or device
(such as the IUD-intrauterine device), or surgical procedure (such as
tubal ligation and vasectomy). Artificial birth control either hinders
conception in the fallopian tube and/or prevents implantation of a
fertilized egg in the uterus. On the contrary, NFP (according to Church
teaching) does not separate love from life, and is therefore good unless
used selfishly.
After you explain the fundamental facts about NFP to your young adult,
you will want to dispel at least 10 myths about it. People aren’t joking
about NFP anymore. However, we still have those who think natural
family planners are living in the dark ages. You can tell your young
adults that NFP is new, innovative, and on the forefront; that NFP
couples have good marriages, lifelong commitments, and healthy, happy
families; and that NFP is effective, easy-to-use, and spiritual. God wants
us to be healthy moms and children, and even healthy dads. He wants us
to respect life.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 99
Now, let’s dispel the myths:
(1) NFP doesn’t work.
Wrong! Both the ovulation and the symptothermal methods are more
than 99 percent effective. With great statistics like these, we must also
realize that we are to be open to life in accordance with God’s will.
(2) NFP breaks up a marriage.
Wrong again! NFP users have less than a five percent divorce rate while
the rest of the country has a drastically higher divorce rate. The Church
says there is a spiritual reason that the immorality of contraception
breaks up marriages. That certainly is true. However, now there is
mounting physical evidence that the pill contributes to the breakup of
marriages.
Spiritually, NFP builds lasting marriages because couples are open to
life and to the acceptance of children into their homes (cf. Mk. 10:14).
This approach brings happiness to families. NFP builds communication
between husband and wife and makes family planning a shared
responsibility. The periods of abstinence build excitement in marriage.
The NFP couple enjoys a honeymoon each month. God knows what
we need. Thank Our Lord that the Church has held firm in answering the
tough questions of birth regulation. Thank Him that NFP marriages stay
intact!
(3) We will have chaos in the family if married couples have to use
NFP.
Yet, the small amount of abstinence that a mom and dad practice each
month suggests to an unmarried son or daughter that he or she can surely
abstain until marriage. NFP does not cause chaos. On the contrary, chaos

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to stay. So don't even get started. Page 100
comes when children have children, and they are tricked into a
contraceptive culture. Hence, a good way to prevent a 16-year-old from
fornicating is to rely on the morality of abstinence and self-control
learned from the parents.
(4) We will have 13 children!
It isn’t bad to have a large family; it’s wonderful. However, the average
NFP family has only four children. Tell your young adults that we
need more children, and we need them to be in two-parent families.
We need children who will grow up and care for the increasing older
population. We need children who will be future leaders to care for the
increasing number of children born out-of-wedlock, perhaps destined to
poverty unless they get help. On the other hand, some would say that
euthanasia, abortion, and contraception are the answers to population
control and teen pregnancy. They’re so wrong!
(5) There will not be enough food to feed the world.
If that is true, then why do “homes, paving, building, etc.” comprise only
“one-sixth of one percent of the land area of the world,” and “cropland”
and “non-farm[s]” use only five percent of the earth’s land surface [4]?
Also, the United Nations has a new report, “Revision of the World
Population Estimates and Projections.” It stated that birth rate is below
replacement level “in 61 countries or areas of the world,” including the
United States (i.e., “44 percent of the global population”). Need we say
more? Could it be that those who sell contraception and abortion for
profit made up the ridiculous starve and scare tactics? Hungry people
today are victims of a food distribution problem.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 101
(6) NFP is old-fashioned.
Hardly, NFP is modern. It developed into a fine science just as other
forms of technology advanced in the last 30 years.
(7) The Bible doesn’t say anything about contraception or NFP.
Yet, Jeremiah 1:5 says: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you . .
.” In the Catechism, you will find it discussed under the Fifth and Sixth
Commandments (especially nos. 2270 and 2370). There are several other
Bible verses, including Genesis 38:6-10; Psalm 139:13-15; and Job
10:8-12.
(8) Having children is hard on your body.
The birth of a baby involves a bit of struggle. However, not having
children is harder on your body, especially if you use chemical birth
control to prevent pregnancy. The Art of Natural Family Planning says
the pill increases blood clots, heart attacks, brain hemorrhage, and
much more. Many contraceptives, too, have risks that may include
birth defects, cancer, ectopic pregnancies, and others. On the other
hand, choosing NFP and being open to life is healthy. There are no
devices, surgeries, or chemicals that harm your health or the health of
loved ones. Also, a woman who uses NFP sometimes detects unhealthy
changes in her body and gets to a doctor more quickly. Perhaps you
could compare the differences between contraceptive and natural birth
regulation, for instance, to a barbed-wire prison barricade equipped with
an arsenal versus a neighborly backyard fence.

Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 102
(9) NFP is too difficult.
Five minute temperature and half-minute mucus checks are not hard.
Conversely, think of the time and money spent on doctor, pharmacy, and
hospital visits because of contraceptives. Artificial birth control is
difficult-not NFP.
(10) Pope Paul VI’s Humanae Vitae (1968) said you may use
artificial birth control in tough cases.
No it didn’t! Humane Vitae said, “artificial birth control” could lead to
“infidelity” and “lowering of morality,” loss of “respect for the woman,”
and “government . . . solution(s).” And he was right! We are paying the
price. Consequently, conditions got worse than he may have surmised:
abortion, euthanasia, in vitro fertilization, cloning, and embryo
experiments followed. This document, intended to be a clarifying
document on the regulation of birth and the use of NFP only, turned out
to be prophetic. Sit down in “glory” one night with your young adult
who has marriage on the horizon and speak from your heart about the
positive nature of NFP.

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 103
REFERENCES
Journal of Marriage and the Family, February 1985
Unprotected by Dr. Miriam Grossman
Pope Benedict XVI in Deus Caritas Est (God Is Love):
John Paul II in the Theology of the Body
Sex, Love, and You: Making the Right Decision (Notre Dame, Indiana: Ave
Maria Press, 2003)
“Laying Aside a Myth,” page 74.
Top ten negative effects of porn on your sex life, Sheila Gregoire,
tolovehonorandvacuum.com
Heather Gallagher and Peter Vlahutin, A Case for Chastity
Mandyxclear "How to Overcome Porn Addiction and Get Your Life Back"
Reverend Father. Charles M. Mangan “Modesty in Dress: A Return to Decency”
Dawn Eden, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your
Clothes On.
Mary Lee Dey Jul/Aug 2000 Issue of Lay Witness Magazine
Un-planned by Abby Johnson
Our Lady of Fatima’s Peace Plan from Heaven (booklet)
Catechism of the Catholic Church
www.bcpinstitute.org
www.aaplog.org
SilentScream.org
www.patheos.com

FURTHER READING

[1]. Thomas Lickona, “Sex, Love, and Character: It’s Our Decision”
(address given to assembly of students at Seton Catholic High School,
Binghamton, N.Y., January 8, 1999), 10.
[2]. All About Cohabiting Before Marriage, “Myths About
Cohabitation,” http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-
myths.html.
[3]. Suzanne Ryan, et al., “The First Time: Characteristics of Teens’
Sin will take you farther than you want to go, and keep you longer than you wanted
to stay. So don't even get started. Page 104
First Sexual Relationships,” Research Brief (Washington, D.C.: Child
Trends, August 2003), 5.
[4]. A. B. Moscicki, et al., “Differences in Biologic Maturation, Sexual
Behavior, and Sexually Transmitted Disease Between Adolescents with
and without Cervical Intraepithelial Neoplasia,” Journal of
Pediatrics 115:3 (September 1989), 487–493; M. L. Shew, et al.,
“Interval Between Menarche and First Sexual Intercourse, Related to
Risk of Human Papillomavirus Infection,” Journal of Pediatrics 125:4
(October 1994), 661–666.
[5]. R.A. Hatcher, et al., Contraceptive Technology (1994), 515. [6].
Peter Bearman, et al., “Chains of Affection,” American Journal of
Sociology 110:1 (July 2004), 44–91.
[7]. Robert E. Rector, et al., “Sexually Active Teenagers are More
Likely to be Depressed and to Attempt Suicide,” The Heritage
Foundation (June 3, 2003) .
[8]. Hallfors, et al., “Which Comes First in Adolescence—Sex and
Drugs or Depression?” American Journal of Preventive Medicine 29:3
(October 2005), 169.
[9]. Hallfors, et al., 168; Hallfors, et al., “Adolescent Depression and
Suicide Risk: Association with Sex and Drug Behavior,” American
Journal of Preventive Medicine 27:3 (October 2004), 224–231; Martha
W. Waller, et al., “Gender Differences in Associations Between
Depressive Symptoms and Patterns of Substance Use and Risky Sexual
Behavior among a Nationally Representative Sample of U.S.
Adolescents,” Archives of Women’s Mental Health 9:3 (May 2006),
139–150.
[10]. As reported by D. P. Orr, M. Beiter, G. Ingersoll, “Premature
Sexual Activity as an Indicator of Psychological Risk,” Pediatrics 87
(February 1991), 141–147.
[11]. Joe McIlhaney and Freda McKissic Bush, Hooked (Chicago:
Northfield Publishing, 2008)

[12]. Rev Fr. Hilary R. Munyaneza, Abortion- Unveiling the Mask

Behind the show of concern

It’s hard. It’s worth it. Be strong when you can and when you’re weak, let Christ
be strong for you. Page 105
[13]. The Testimony of Gloria Polo by Rev .Joseph Dwight.

[14]. The Thrill of the Chaste: finding fulfillment while keeping your
clothes on by Dawn Eden.

[15] Sex: It's Worth Waiting For, by Greg Speck

[16] Thomas W. Hilgers, M.D., “We Need Good Natural Family

Planning Doctors!” Celebrate Life, (Sept/Oct ‘98), 29. Phyllis
McCarthy, Maclyn E. Wade,et al., “A Randomized Prospective Study of
the Use-Effectiveness of Two Methods of Natural Family Planning,”
American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, 141:4 (Oct. 15, 1981),
368-76.

[17] John and Sheila Kippley, The Art of Natural Family Planning
(Cincinnati: Couple to Couple League, 1996), 245.

[18] Proceedings of the Royal Society of London, as cited by Steve

Mirsky, “The Noses Have It,” Scientific American (Nov. 1995), 20;

Menstrual Cycle Alters Face Preference,” Nature, vol. 299 (June 24,
1999), 741-42.

[19] Robert L. Sassone, Handbook on Population, American Life

League, 42.

[20] Kippley, supra, 8, 12, 14, 17. Mary Lee Dey writes from Grand
Island, NE.

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