GRATEFUL
Just a brief detail of where I hail from: Well this woman was born and bred from
the hoods of Umtata formally known as the “Old Transkei”.
I have 4 siblings, who come from Royal family yase MaQWATNI Engcobo -
eQuthubeni.
Experience in life has rather taught and dawned on me that it has never been only
about me, but about appreciating life with my siblings. If they were not there for
me I honestly wouldn’t have been able to say or able to define who I am today.
I have come across challenges and defeated the unknown which I am proud of. I
have met people in my life which I have personally kept for my valid reasons.
That said, I want to share what I am personally going through, which I still find a bit
hard to deal with.
I tend to be silent when I am frustrated or hurt by someone, which bothers me a
bit. I always anticipate dealing with my problems silently and hoping for them to go
away but they always haunt me in the long run.
I am a divorcee, I have suffered disappointments in relation to the expectations I
have at the time and specifically concerning the ideas I have about love. My life with
a partner hasn’t been easy. I feel that I have a lot of setbacks and many obstacles
that are present in my relationships. Yes, there have been some hard times and
unpleasantness. But that doesn't mean that one day I cannot find my soul mate, that
person who will love me unconditionally.
I perceive things in an emotional way. I burden myself with faults and criticisms
that should not exist. And I see, what is dangerous in this is that I feel “guilty” for
being a happy person and this feeling of guilt is more obvious because I am a
sensitive person or more precisely “perceptive”.
Adulthood life is complicated. You have what it takes to navigate the disappointments that don’t follow your expected script. You
won’t collapse, you’ll cope; in spite of then intense emotions you are experiencing! Accept that relationships will change, routines
will shift, assumptions will be surrendered, and roles reinvented. LIVE LIFE!
GRATEFUL
Sometimes I feel guilty for being a happy person because I think that I don’t
deserve it, for several years now.
Throughout my “marriage” I had a lot of “might-have-beens”, a partner who is unable
to live up to my expectations at the time. In fact, I got the feeling that I didn’t feel
loved and appreciated in the way I deserved. I also experienced immense sadness of
which I sometimes still bear the scars now, even though a lot of water has gone
under the bridge.
And I know all this belongs to the past; and sometimes one must leave the past for
what it is and look to the future.
Lately what has rather emerged has been a certain lack of confidence and self-
esteem.
Sometimes I have a strong feeling of helplessness, as if I were submerged in too
many conflicting feelings and incapable of defining my future course of action.
I am convinced that I have been going through a period of intense doubt
I know seeking comfort in the past will not help my situation right now. What has
happened has happened. The only way to influence my future and have the life I want
is to live in the present, with full awareness.
I somehow attempt to hide my intimate thoughts and expectations. As I said before,
everything seem to indicate that I’m seeking refuge and protection in the past. I
think: "oh, if only I had known" and yet I still regret my past mistakes. The past is
the past and what is important is the future, my future, which will without a doubt
be as radiant and successful as it should be for the first time in my life.
This indicates that in a situation I felt confined. I was unable to take action. I was
constrained for quite a long time now and I have been hindered.
Adulthood life is complicated. You have what it takes to navigate the disappointments that don’t follow your expected script. You
won’t collapse, you’ll cope; in spite of then intense emotions you are experiencing! Accept that relationships will change, routines
will shift, assumptions will be surrendered, and roles reinvented. LIVE LIFE!
GRATEFUL
Infact, from now on I’m going to be grateful for the experience I’ve had in the past.
Having said that, I have no doubt of having a healthy future.
Another thing I have noticed about myself is that I tend to let my family make my “final
decisions”, which sometimes help, but sometimes it gets to me because that throws away my
independent thoughts; which somehow sometimes put me in doubt if I am doing what I
whole heartedly want to do.
For example, I believe I should have been pursuing my dream right now and I am nowhere
near achieving that… what do I do????
I have a dream and I would like to foresee it happening very soon, and that is finally having
my own health Spa/Salon.
As a child you are asked by your elders “what you want to be when you grow up” and I have
always known that I wanted to be a beautician – just love beauty around me.
I want so much more, but for now I’ll just have to procrastinate my future dream and be
grateful for the dream I’m leaving right now!
Adulthood life is complicated. You have what it takes to navigate the disappointments that don’t follow your expected script. You
won’t collapse, you’ll cope; in spite of the intense emotions you are experiencing! Accept that relationships will change, routines
will shift, assumptions will be surrendered, and roles reinvented. LIVE LIFE!
