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What Is Negging?

Negging is a subtle form of emotional abuse where the abuser delivers backhanded compliments and comments meant to undermine the victim's self-esteem. Some examples include insults disguised as jokes about appearance or career. The goal is to diminish the victim's confidence so they rely on the abuser for approval. Over time, the victim may start to doubt their own perceptions and become dependent on the abuser. Speaking to a counselor can help victims recognize the abuse and regain their self-worth.

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26 views

What Is Negging?

Negging is a subtle form of emotional abuse where the abuser delivers backhanded compliments and comments meant to undermine the victim's self-esteem. Some examples include insults disguised as jokes about appearance or career. The goal is to diminish the victim's confidence so they rely on the abuser for approval. Over time, the victim may start to doubt their own perceptions and become dependent on the abuser. Speaking to a counselor can help victims recognize the abuse and regain their self-worth.

Uploaded by

englishwithpolinats
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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What is

negging?
Learn to spot the signs of
this manipulative form
of emotional abuse
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating | Rosan Magar

B
y nature, emotional abuse is The word negging derives from again, being fully aware that
malicious and detrimental the verb ‘neg’, which means you are currently struggling
– but, in some cases, it ‘negative feedback’. It can often with what direction your career
can also be subtle and sneaky, be delivered in a ‘flirtatious’ or is going,” Rebecca explains.
running under the radar while even ‘caring’ way, disguised as “Insults disguised as jokes are
still knocking an individual’s a joke or an innocent remark, another ploy to undermine
sense of freedom, and even their which is one of the reasons why, your self-worth. Often said
sense of self. ‘Negging’ is one at first, it can be hard to spot. affectionately but with a more
such example, and the sly tactics As an example of this, sinister undertone, such ‘jokes’
employed by the abuser can have Rebecca points to backhanded that highlight your flaws and
a lasting impact on the victim, compliments, and comments weaknesses are not funny.”
undercutting their confidence such as: “You’d be quite attractive Because the abuse is delivered
and increasing their reliance on if you lost some weight,” “I hadn’t in this form, the victim may
the individual. expected you to have a degree,” just notice that they feel worse
“Negging refers to an “You’d be just right if your hair following a conversation with
emotionally manipulative tactic was longer/blonder/straighter.” the abuser, long before they
whereby an individual delivers “Other negging tactics might are able to put their finger on
subtle comments designed to include comparisons to other exactly why that may be. But this
undermine another person’s self- attractive or successful people, is all part of the ploy. As with
esteem,” explains Rebecca Vivash, or even their exes – comments the majority of emotional abuse
a psychotherapeutic counsellor. like: ‘One thing I did love about tactics, negging helps to elevate
“It is an insidious form of abuse, X was their tiny waist,’ while the abuser’s status, power, and
and can go almost undetected for knowing that you feel insecure control in the relationship, while
a long time due to the subtlety of about your own, or ‘I really simultaneously diminishing the
the behaviour.” loved their drive and ambition,’ victim’s self-esteem.

14 | October 2021 | happiful.com


relationships

“The aim of this type of enough to leave the relationship,


emotional abuse is to push the and rebuild your self-worth.”
victim down to a place where Identifying that something
they need, rather than enjoy, their isn’t right is the first step to
partner’s approval,” adds Rebecca. addressing it. If the concept
And the result of this? The of negging sounds familiar to
victim may become reliant on you, Rebecca leaves you with
the abuser to feel of value, and a guiding principle to keep in Rebecca Vivash is a psychotherapeutic
counsellor, specialising in helping
they may begin to look to them to mind: “Do remember that you
women overcome codependency
verify their actions, feelings, and don’t need to fix anything about and heal from emotionally abusive
even beliefs. yourself in order to deserve real relationships. Find out more by visiting
“The abuser’s actions may leave love and connection.” counselling-directory.org.uk
them doubting their perspective
of reality, if they do question
whether they are the subject
of abuse,” Rebecca says. “The
manipulation is often so
subtle that it is explained
away by the perpetrator
as being ‘Just a joke,’
or ‘You’re just being
oversensitive.’”
Of course, escaping
any form of abuse
can be incredibly
challenging, regardless
of the situation, but when
it comes to negging,
the added impact of
the undermining of an
individual’s confidence can
certainly come into play.
“It can be really tough to
see clearly with this type of
abuse, so I would definitely
recommend talking to a trusted
friend or a therapist, to explore
your thoughts and feelings,” says
Rebecca. “If you are the victim
of emotional abuse, you may
well have experienced complex
trauma, and would benefit
from professional and personal
support to help you to feel strong

happiful.com | October 2021 | 15

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