Tip Sheet

Assertive Communication

We communicate with others both verbally Passive Aggressive

(e.g. speaking) and non-verbally (e.g. body
This communication style is indirect and may be
language).
sarcastic, deceiving, or manipulative. It is an “I lose,
Sometimes we may have difficulty with you lose” outcome.
communication, examples may include:
Example: A person verbally agrees with others’
— having general conversations with others
opinions but with a sarcastic tone of voice, glared eye
— advocating for ourselves contact, and annoyed facial expression.
— getting our point of view across to others
— showing respect to ourselves and others What influences assertive
— speaking to someone of authority communication?
— respectfully disagreeing with someone Whilst communicating assertively cannot guarantee
helpful responses from others, or our needs being
Communication Styles met, it can improve the likelihood of meeting
When we talk about communication styles, we our needs, promoting self-esteem, and boosting
can often break it down into four categories. relationships.
Communication styles exist on a continuum, with Despite knowing this, it can still be difficult to
assertive communication as the mid-point. implement assertive communication. Some of the
factors that may contribute to the difficulty are:
Passive
— Low self esteem
This is when a person does not express their own
needs, thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. It may diminish — Past experiences and modelled behaviour
one’s own value, respect, rights, and self-esteem. It is — Unhelpful beliefs about being assertive
an “I lose, you win” outcome. — Stress
Example: A person does not share their opinion or
express their wants in a group conversation, and Tips
verbally agrees to what others say (even if internally
There are many different assertive skills, and
they disagree). They may also speak softly, avoid eye
choosing the most appropriate option may vary
contact, and fidget during the conversation.
depending on the situation. Below are a few assertive
Assertive communication tips you can try:
This is the ability to express our thoughts, feelings, — “I”-statements: Using “I” statements to describe
beliefs, and rights in a manner that is clear, honest, your own feelings thoughts, and beliefs when
and direct, whilst demonstrating respect for the communicating. E.g. “I can see that you have not
rights of others. It is an “I win, you win” outcome. completed your part of the project, I am worried
about missing the deadline”.
Example: A person listens to another’s point of view,
and then calmly, with a conversational yet firm voice, — Using empathy: E.g. if a person was interrupted,
expresses their opinions or wants. they may respond with “I know this is important to
you, but I would like to finish what I was saying”.
Aggressive
— Expressing emotions: Reflect on your feelings,
This communication style focuses on a person’s own then describe the feelings and why you feel that
wants and may disregard the thoughts, feelings, way. E.g. “I feel … because…”.
or rights of others. Aggressive communication may
— Broken Record Technique: Once you have made an
involve attacks, threats, demands and promote non-
assertive statement, repeating it in conversation
assertive behaviour from others. It is an “I win, you
until it is accepted. E.g. “No, I don’t want to buy
lose” outcome.
that product”.
Example: A person bluntly interrupts others to
— Body language, facial expressions, and voice, are
express their wants in a loud and demanding manner.
also methods of communication to be mindful
of. Some examples of assertive non-verbal
communication include, medium levels of eye
contact, appropriate facial expressions, smooth
gestures whilst speaking, upright body posture,
and appropriate pace, volume and tone of voice.

The information in this tip sheet was correct at the time of publishing and may be subject to change. CRICOS Provider No. 00279B | CS24016942 JAN24
Practise
You can develop and improve your assertive
communication skills through practise. You can be
creative with this, but some ideas to get you started
may include:
— Writing down scripts of a conversation, with
emphasis on noting down assertive responses
— Saying assertive responses out loud to yourself,
or rehearsing your assertive body language in the
mirror
— Trying out assertive responses talking to a
stranger (e.g. a retail worker)
— Role playing a difficult scenario with a trusted
friend, and asking for their feedback

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References
The following resources were consulted for the development for this TIP Sheet. They contain further
information on assertive communication skills and can be sourced through the ECU Library:
Hargie, O. (2017). Skilled interpersonal communication: research, theory and practice. Routledge.
Kelly, A. (2018). Social skills: developing effective interpersonal communication. Routledge.