Perkins
Post
3
November
2011
Bicentenary
Issue
Praesent:
Sagittis
3
Quisque:
Porttitor
2
Marc
Bolan
spotted
in
Sherwood
It has emerged that 70s glam-rock idol Marc Bolan did not as was widely reported - die in a fatal car crash in 1977 but has been living undercover in the midlands. He shook off his rock-star image and lived in relative obscurity in a suburb of Nottingham, working as a civil servant under the pseudonym John Perkins. But Marc, who celebrates his 50th birthday today, was outed by gig-goers who spotted him at an open mic night in Nottinghams Navigation Inn. Marc has to be the best guitarist in the world, said one. We knew it had to be him. The hair gave it away. Realising hed been recognized, Bolan and his band made a quick getaway by boat with paparazzi in hot pursuit.
Rumbled
alive
and
well
Bolan
at
50
(above)
and
(right)
the
young
star
aged
15
Drummer Simon Perkins said: It was like a scene from the Blues Brothers, we had to dive into the boat, step on the gas and get out of there. Continued
on
page
8
Perkins
Post
3
November
2011
Bicentenary
issue
News
in
briefs
Rockers reunion
From our Berlin correspondent
Exclusive! 70s teen band One Way are to re-form with the original line-up of John Perkins (lead guitar), sisteract Kathy and Jean Willis, (vocals) Sue Fishburn (vocals) and Jonathan X (percussion). In their heyday they gigged to packed houses the length and breadth of North Notts. Watch this space for listings. Singer Kathy said: Weve overcome our musical differences and decided to get back together for a special tour this winter. Im nervous because I havent seen some of the other band members for 34 years!
Robber repents:
By JANE BARRATT.
Police studying CCTC footage of an incident at Nottinghams Fat Cat caf spotted drunken civil servants running off without paying, one recognizable as a well known witch from Chesterfield, another wheezing badly. Closer examination of the footage showed one of them described as a white male, chunky build, five-foot eight with a curly perm returning the next day with the cash. Notts Chief Constable Steve Green said: He must have had a fit of conscience.
Commodore
John
Perkins
denies
rumours
he
intends
to
make
a
takeover
bid
for
the
Beeston
M arina
complex
amid
speculation
that
Marina
bosses
were
concerned
that
his
expanding
fleet
was
monopolizing
the
pontoon.
Grumpy old men top ten gripes
1. The Archers (its always bloody on!) 2. People nicking my beer 3. People talking over the telly 4..People cleaning their teeth within a five mile radius. 5. That stupid bear with the bandage over its eye. (you cant mean Pudsey?!! Ed) 6. Those horrid little fruit flies 7. People telling me my guitars too loud. 8. Other people on the road when Im driving 9 Other guitarists 10. Other people in my kitchen
Crutch crisis
By JEAN (NEE) WILLIS Traffic Police stopped five youths driving through the village of Clarborough after reports of firearms seen poking out of the car windows. Closer examination revealed the offending objects to be a pair of crutches.
Thought for the day with the Very Reverend Dr Brian Hackland
I often sit and reflect I on how life can be cruel and demanding. But then I always remember my maxim and it cheers me up no end, and I offer it you now so that you may share in my wisdom and contentment. Do as I say, not as I do. And if you cant do that, then just dont act, stand there.
[
Racing tips By VINCE BRADY Nap of the day: Hoof Hearted 4:30 Nottingham Next best: Onceasoamesalwaysasoames 5:30 Nottingham
,
2
Brian.
1 2
Perkins
Post
3
November
2011
Bicentenary
issue
Film
fans
are
said
to
be
thrilled
at
news
that
John
Polly
Perkins
is
to
star
in
the
long-awaited
remake
of
60s
cult
classic
road
movie
Easy
Rider
Daily
reading
chosen
by
Brother
Robert
Edwards
50-year
old
fined
after 50-year old fined after
nightclub fracas
nightclub
fracas
by VINCE BRADY In the early hours of Wednesday morning Wannabe Crooner Johnnie Let me entertain you Perkins, 50, was ejected from top Liverpool nightspot the Little Bug. Perkins, who admitted to a string of previous offences when sentenced at Liverpools Night Court, was later ushered away into the night by friends. Perkins, notorious for stage hogging at Karaoke events around the country, had been warned several times by the management to leave the stage. It was when he threatened to play guitar that managers stepped in and ejected him. Eyewitnesses confirmed that the gyrating Perkins had become too much to watch, let alone listen to. Asked to comment on his fine Perkins replied, I dont understand it, everyone was having such a good time, then they told me I had to go. Last time this happened to me I got two years wages!
A
reading
from
the
Second
Book
of
Hillage;
Chapter
6
verse
1.
VII
1
It
came
to
pass
in
the
second
year
of
the
reign
of
Pharaoh
Brown
that
seven
plagues
did
afflict
the
land
of
Egypt.
[Link]
pharaoh
greatly
wondered
at
this,
and
all
his
priests,
soothsayers
and
spin
doctors
with
him.
[Link]
the
pharaoh
said:
Who
is
there
who
can
save
us
from
these
torments?
He
will
be
rewarded,
yea,
up
to
his
final
pension!
[Link]
spake
the
chief
priest:
It
is
written
that
he
who
shall
save
the
land
of
Egypt
will
be
of
the
tribe
of
Perkins.
5.
And
it
came
to
pass
that
such
a
man
was
found,
John
of
the
curly
locks
and
ursine
mien,
who
was
of
that
tribe,
even
the
tribe
of
Perkins.
6.
And
this
John,
of
the
tribe
of
Perkins,
lived
only
on
the
juice
of
fermented
fruits
and
the
flesh
of
roasted
beasts.
7.
John
fell
upon
his
knees
before
a
LORD
of
Whitehall
and
said:
Help
me
LORD,
for
I
have
not
a
clue
what
to
do.
8.
And
the
LORD
said
Jump
to
it
Perkins,
and
I
will
write
you
a
decent
reference,
and
John
arose
and
did
as
the
LORD
commanded.
9.
And
behold,
the
seven
plagues
did
cease,
even
as
a
kettle
that
hath
boiled
or
the
tap
that
hath
dripped
its
last
drip.
10.
And
Pharaoh
said:
Well
done,
thou
good
and
faithful
servant,
heres
your
pension
and
Ill
throw
in
a
second-hand
jag
as
well!
FOR
SALE:
Boat
with
attitude.
at
least
one
careless
owner.
colourful
past,
criminal
record.
Contact
Simon
on
9525150
3
Perkins
Post
3
November
2011
Bicentenary
issue
Resilience
response
reigned
in
after
COBR
Chief
resigns
The coalition government has scaled down the need for emergency planners after the resignation of Whitehall mandarin Jinxed John Perkins. John - whose arrival in a pivotal national resilience role sparked a catalogue of catastrophes of almost biblical proportions decided to retire from public life in April. One former colleague said: It was exciting when John was with us. That is to say there was never a dull moment. Bird flu, floods, foot and mouth and fuel strikes to name but a few. Its been a lot quieter since he left. John (50), said: Those were heady days but Im glad theyre over. You cant keep that sort of pressure up for ever. I had Gordon Brown phone in to my teleconferences and I was frequently called to COBR. Government chiefs paid tribute to his contribution: The nation should be grateful, said a leading Whitehall source. John is now spending a lot more time with his family and pursuing his musical career. I have lots to look forward to, said John. I am having a nice Christmas and itll soon be Goose Fair! I chose the right time to leave. I wouldnt want to work for this bunch of amateurs anyway! Oh and did I mention Id been to COBR? Sports extra
from ANDY WALKER An extreme sport first played in North Notts is to enjoy a revival ahead of next years Olympics. Extreme pillow-fighting - invented in the 70s by two Clarborough boys involves no-holds-barred fighting in the dark using exploding pillows.
The
Cabinet
Office
Briefing
Rooms
(COBR)
Kiddies
Korner
with
ROB
EDWARDS
Clarilocks
and
the
two
bears
Whos
been
drinking
my
honey,
wondered
Clarilocks
PC
Productions,
Nottingham.
Editor
Clare
Stevens,
Contributors:
Jane
Barratt,
Vince
Brady,
Kathy
Robertson,
Jean
(nee)
Willis
Simon
Socks
Perkins,
Andy
Walker,
R ob
Edwards,
Splodge
Face
Rob
Edwards Splodge
Face
