Dance With Your Darkness - Ramon Stalenhoef
Dance With Your Darkness - Ramon Stalenhoef
Ramon Stalenhoef
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Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
Understanding Energy
Why Are You So Vulnerable to Illness?
Your Health Is Important Too
CONCLUSION
REFERENCES
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Introduction
I’ve known Larry for many years. He once told me that as a child, he was
bullied mercilessly—the other kids made fun of his sensitivity. Parties were
a nightmare to him. While other kids were having a blast, he would soon
separate himself from the rest, spending time alone wherever he could find
a place to hide. He became overwhelmed with emotions. All the excitement
just was too much to bear. Larry didn’t understand why he was so different.
Even his parents didn’t understand. His father tried to use tough love to
make him more resilient, but to no avail. It only made Larry feel worse.
Adults liked Larry a lot. He could hold a fluent conversation even when he
was only five years old. People said that he had an “old soul,” a term used
to describe someone wise beyond their years. As Larry grew older, he
decided to do research—an effort to discover what was wrong with him.
But rather than discover that something was wrong, he learned that he was
an empath. Still, Larry did not have many friends. Even in high school, he
had only one friend.
People were both amazed and afraid because of what he could do. It was as
if he could read people’s minds. It seemed like he could talk to animals and
understand them. Some people accused Larry of being a warlock, even
some family members! But as this isn’t a fantasy novel, that was not the
case. His attunement to emotion gave him the ability to tell if someone was
hurting, whether mentally or physically. He experienced other people’s pain
and agony in ways unimaginable—that’s why he avoided crowds and
parties. Although people would be laughing and having a great time, many
of them had hurt in their hearts. Larry could feel this, and for some time,
didn’t understand what he was experiencing.
As an adult, he still doesn’t have many friends. Although people like him,
they are often too afraid that he may know their secrets. But that’s not how
being an empath works. An empath often detects intentions, bad emotions,
or pain, but is not a mind-reader. As I am a highly sensitive person myself,
Larry and I had an instant connection when we met. Considering my
experience helping other people in similar situations, I showed Larry how
to understand that what he had was not a curse, but a gift. Since I
understood full well how difficult it can be to deal with being a sensitive, I
have guided many other sensitives to become more accepting of their gifts
and how to use them. Today, Larry is using his gift to help others.
In my opinion, there should be more awareness of highly sensitives and
empaths. Parents don’t always understand what their children are going
through, often criticizing their sensitivity instead of celebrating it. My guess
is that since you have picked this book, you are a highly sensitive or empath
too. What was your childhood like? What is life like for you at the moment?
Do you also find it to be a struggle?
The truth is that all people have a degree of sensitivity. We must all learn to
live with it and embrace it, as it can be of great benefit to us and society.
But just as we all have sensitivity, all of us also have a dark side—our
“shadow self”—which we try to hide from the rest of the world and
ourselves. Some things are just too difficult to deal with, right? We hide this
side of ourselves so no one will ever see it, . maybe we even hope that it
will just go away. It’s just that, hope as we may, it won’t. Your shadow self
will not just disappear, and nor should it!
This book, Dance With Your Darkness, is meant to help you understand
your gifts as an empath or highly sensitive person, but more than that, to
also understand your shadow self and what part it plays in your life. I will
be on this journey with you, guiding you to acceptance and embracing your
dark side.
A lonely prisoner will eventually become depressed, making their situation
worse. Instead, I will teach you how you can accept this “prisoner,” calm
them down, find healing, and live a normal and happy life. That is what
shadow work is about: turning the oppressed and neglected self into your
loyal friend.
Why is it so important to accept your shadow self? First of all, it is a part of
you that will not change. When you realize that someone wants to change
the person you are, how do you feel? It doesn’t feel good, right? In the same
way, you have to accept yourself for all there is. Some people may even be
shocked at the idea of themselves having a dark side, but it is part of who
we all are. It is primal and instinctive, instilled into our being while our
ancestors still roamed the Earth, for the main purpose of self-preservation.
Secondly, we all must embrace our dark side as it can interfere with our
healing processes if we don’t. A lot of hurt, trauma, and painful memories
are woven into the fabric of our shadow selves. If we keep pushing it aside,
it will never see the light and thereby never be healed. We can try to ignore
our shadow selves, but we feel them. They are indeed part of us, so much
so, that we can feel the hurt our shadow self is experiencing. If we want
complete healing, our complete identity must be revealed. In this way, our
joy may be full.
However, this idea in itself is frightening to many people. These people fear
that when they allow themselves to experience healing and true joy,
something unexpected will happen to rip their joy away. This is in itself a
very painful experience. To avoid disappointment, many choose to live
without joy. They live in a way that they don’t get too happy about things,
nor too disappointed or upset. But this way of life is not ideal.
By only looking in front of yourself, not only do you miss out on the
majesty of life’s mountain tops, but also on the simple beauty of the flowers
growing next to the footpath where you’re walking. This means that the
person does not lead a fulfilling life—if it can be called life at all. There is a
huge difference between existing and living. To be truly alive, we must be
able to take it all in, embracing both the good and the bad as polar
opposites, yet an undeniable truth that is in all our being.
To see the light we must first acknowledge that we are in the dark. –
Dominic Rouse
For the sake of flow, I will be referring to empaths, sensitives, and highly
sensitives only as sensitives. For sensitives, inner healing can also be more
challenging, as they often criticize themselves easily. While they tend to be
kind and forgiving toward others, they can often be harsh toward
themselves, expecting nothing but perfection. This is an issue that should be
addressed, as all sensitives need to understand it is not in human nature to
be perfect. We must embrace our flaws. We must dance with our shadows,
carefully planning each step, moving into the flow of our experiences and
feelings to make it beautiful.
In this book, you will learn about sensitives, empaths, and highly sensitive
people, their similarities and differences, and what this means when it
comes to shadow work. Some people (like Larry) do not know that they are
sensitives. As I said, we all do have a degree of sensitivity, but for some, the
sensitivity weighs more. We will also talk about accepting your shadow
self. We will discuss the importance of meditation, where I will provide you
with guided meditation, all to give you the opportunity to meet with your
shadow self.
We will then examine the link between being a sensitive and being
vulnerable to illness. Energy is not some mystic mumbo jumbo, but a
scientific reality that influences our lives daily. We will then talk about the
importance of your mindset, and how your mind may need reprogramming
for the healing to start. We will then take a look at various tips, tricks, and
tools you can use for shadow work and complete healing.
If you feel stuck or find that you are judging yourself for lacking the ability
to move forward or to heal, this book is for you. You will learn to not only
be kind to your side that is always in the sun but your shadow self as well.
Your dark side does not need to be something that is feared. It can become
an ally, something that can empower you and help you on your journey
forward, even helping others along the way.
As a father of two children (a boy, 11, and a girl, 14), I have had my fair
share of doubts and fear that some aspects of my shadow self will one day
present in them. But that’s precisely why I am doing the work now, to
understand—and share—how to use my shadow to better myself and the
world around me.
I know the anxiety that comes with your shadow self all too well. As I am a
highly sensitive person myself, I understand the process of healing and
working with the shadow self. I am writing this book for you, as I want to
help you become more aware and accepting of both your sensitive nature
and your darker side. This will empower you to begin healing yourself,
physically, mentally, and spiritually. My hope is that you will be inspired to
honor your shadow self, instead of trying to hide it in shame.
I may not know you personally, but still, I want you to become the best
version of yourself. Everything you will learn in this book I had to learn
myself. It has always been precious to me; a treasure that brought me life in
abundance, and I don’t want to keep it a secret when it can help other
sensitives. I am passionate about your well-being simply because where you
are now, I once was. Shadow work and healing did miracles in my life, and
I want the same for you.
Perhaps you are not sure whether or not you are a sensitive. If that is the
case, don’t fret. We’ll dive right into it.
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Chapter 1:
The term shadow work can easily create the wrong impression. Some
people’s minds immediately go to dark and sinister things, such as dark
spiritual practices. Some may think that it involves the more malevolent
parts within ourselves. This is not the case. Let’s talk about what shadow
work truly is.
We are all born into dependence. The perspective of the family we are born
into will determine what we learn growing up—what we think is acceptable
or not. This means that growing up in a broken home can teach a child that
dangerous or malicious behavior is acceptable. Everything we are that is
viewed as unacceptable by our families is quickly handled and attempts are
made at eradicating these traits or behaviors. For the sake of acceptance and
survival, we do anything from a young age to suppress these characteristics
or behaviors.
Many young people begin to exaggerate behaviors that are approved of to
ensure acceptance. Very soon, the aspects that are disapproved of and
suppressed are buried in the subconscious mind, while the acceptable
behaviors remain in the conscious mind. This may sound like a good idea to
some, but it is in fact a person rejecting themself. That also means that we
all have parts of ourselves that we are both aware of and unaware of.
Some liken consciousness to our light, as it is something that is open and
can easily be observed; while things that are hidden in the subconscious are
referred to as our shadow. This means that any characteristics, aspects, or
behaviors that are not familiar or seen in the light of consciousness, are part
of the human shadow, or shadow self. This means that the shadow refers to
anything we deny, reject, and perceive as negative. However, our shadow
selves do not only contain negative things. There may be many positive
things, such as talents, hidden in the shadow.
People who struggle with low self-esteem tend to hide positive aspects of
themselves in their shadow self. Let’s take Larry, for example. He always
thought that there was something wrong with him, only because he was
sensitive to other people’s emotions. Why? Because his family did not
understand it, continually tried to force him to reject that ability. But instead
of fixing what was wrong with him, it only led to Larry rejecting a part of
himself. Today, he understands that experiencing other people’s emotions
can be a wonderful thing and serve as a beautiful tool to help people in
need.
Larry’s sensitivity became a part of his shadow. Was this a good thing? I
don’t think it was. Because of this, he needlessly suffered years of torment
and questioning. If only his family did some research to try and understand
his gift, rather than try and rip it out of him by using shame and
punishment, things would have been a lot different for Larry. Although he is
doing better now, years of rejection, misunderstanding, and emotional abuse
left their marks. While a person may heal completely, some scars remain.
Other examples may be little boys who are interested in ballet, or playing
the piano, perhaps little girls who are interested in guns or cars, but their
families say no. In itself, there’s nothing wrong with talent and interest, but
families do determine what is kept in the conscious and the subconscious—
the light and the shadow.
How do negative aspects end up in the shadow? Let’s say, for example, Pete
was a jealous little boy, since he was a toddler. He never liked to share toys
or the attention of his parents. When he was a bit older, his parents had a
new little boy, Matt. Pete did not like the idea, as the baby now took all of
his parents’ attention. As Matt turned a bit older, Pete did not want to share
toys with him and would use devious schemes to grab his parents’ attention
away from Matt.
Of course, his parents realized this, regularly punishing Pete for his entitled
behavior. They would tell him that it was bad and unacceptable. For fear of
losing his parents’ love completely (which would not happen easily,
though) he chose to bury his own jealousy and force himself to be kinder.
Eventually, his role-playing became reality as he became truly kind to his
younger brother. What happened with the jealousy? Did it disappear? No, it
didn’t. It became part of his shadow. The jealous behavior was forced from
the conscious to the subconscious.
The problem is that today he may be exerting his jealousy in passive-
aggressive ways, perhaps unintentionally hurting those around him. Think
about it—instead of just remembering that he was jealous as a child,
shouldn’t we also wonder why he was jealous? Could there have been a
reason for it? Perhaps something traumatic happened and it triggered his
jealousy. This is why shadow work is important. Even though jealousy in
itself can be unnecessary or even ugly, it needs to come to light for healing
to start.
Everything we suppress does not simply disappear; it resides in the
subconscious. This is the reason we often do things we don’t understand.
We think to ourselves: Why did I talk that way? Why was I so rude just
now? Why do I feel like crying every night? These unexplained actions have
their roots in our shadow selves.
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What Are Sensitives and Empaths?
Sensitive people are divided into three groups: sensitives, highly sensitives,
and empaths. Some may view them as being the same, but there are some
differences.
Sensitives
Sensitives are more attuned to their senses than non-sensitives. Many
people believe that they have a sixth sense, as sensitives are able to detect
subtle things others can’t. While some sensitives view this as a gift, others
find that it creates inner disruption, which can lead to minor or major issues.
Minor issues may include becoming distracted or sometimes seeming to be
too straightforward. Major issues may include sensitives choosing to avoid
crowded places, sometimes confusing others’ negative emotions as their
own, or having to deal with anxiety. Other sensitives also have to deal with
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), some registering on the
Autism spectrum. Their biggest difficulty would be being misunderstood.
Growing up as a sensitive is not always easy, especially when their families
do not understand why they are acting in certain ways. This causes many
sensitives to grow up feeling lonely and often rejected. They love spending
time with animals and in nature. People have called sensitives “old souls,”
as they often have wisdom that is far beyond their years. Sensitives tend to
be right-brained people, giving them artistic and creative abilities. They are
normally smart and deep thinkers, some being quite philosophical.
If there is a mismatch between their style of learning and the system being
used, either in school or at work, they may seem to be unsuccessful or
unmotivated. That is only because their brains function differently. A
sensitive’s brain needs different stimulation and techniques to learn. Even
as young children, sensitives often know what is wrong in the world, with
things such as institutions and relationships. As they are powerless to
change things, it adds to their frustration. Furthermore, they have this full
awareness of how things should be, yet as children, they are still too young
to truly handle this flood of emotions and thoughts.
They like to talk about things other people or children don’t like, which can
cause agitation with their peers and some adults. Some may view them as
“know-it-alls” and dismiss their thoughts and feelings. This is why
sensitives are often alone, even as children.
Highly Sensitives
Highly sensitives share all of the aspects mentioned in the section above.
But a highly sensitive person (HSP) experiences everything a lot more on
the sensitivity scale, such as social, emotional, and physical stimuli. Some
people are derogatory against highly sensitives and may accuse them of
being melodramatic. In turn, these accusers may seem to be too
inconsiderate to a highly sensitive person. Understand that being an HSP
does not mean that you have a psychological condition. You simply have
heightened responsiveness to both positive and negative influences. It is a
rare gift that you should treasure and use for the benefit of society.
An HSP often feels the need to flee from everyone and everything, even if it
means spending some time alone in a dark corner, especially after having a
hard day or week. It is also easy for them to feel like they are experiencing
a sensory overload, such as with clothes that don’t fit right, bright lights, or
big crowds. They are easily and deeply moved when they see something
beautiful, such as in a commercial, movie, nature, art, or another person.
Their thoughts and emotions are often rich and complex, which adds to
them being misunderstood.
Some highly sensitives struggle to watch violent movies or television
shows. They get upset easily when they witness suffering and pain, even if
it is make-believe involving either people or animals. An HSP will also
often be regarded as being kind and wise, with people always coming to
them for advice or comfort.
Highly sensitive people are not so common, making up about 20% of the
general population. Unfortunately, many societies choose not to build
around highly sensitives, but rather those less sensitive. This is likely to
prevent unnecessary issues in the future. Highly sensitive people ask too
many questions and like to get things right. Most people choose the easy
way of doing things, disregarding deeper thoughts, insights, and wisdom
(Scott, 2020).
Empaths
Empaths are right at the top of the sensitivity scale. They are highly tuned
into the emotions of people around them, some even experiencing the
emotions and physical pain of loved ones miles away. While empaths don’t
always try to avoid crowds, many people around them can make them feel
very uncomfortable. They are often accused of being too sensitive. The life
of an empath is like living on a seesaw as they absorb all the feelings of the
world—both joys and anxieties.
Doctor Judith Orloff states that empaths lack the filter non-sensitive people
have, and as such cannot avoid taking in all of the emotions and pains of
people, both loved ones and strangers. According to Kim Egel, a therapist,
“empaths have a higher sensitivity to outside stimuli such as sounds, big
personalities, and hectic environments. They bring a lot of heart and care to
the world and feel things very deeply” (Raypole, 2019).
Empaths can tune in to the emotions or energies of people, places, or
animals. Those who are spiritual claim to be sensitive both to things in the
seen and the unseen worlds. They are very good at communicating and
quickly understand another person’s feelings or opinions just by observing
their tone, body language, movements, and both the words people use and
don’t use. They are also quick to realize other people’s unspoken
perceptions and other energies that may reside within these people.
Larry, as an empath, experienced his sister-in-law’s morning sickness and
cravings before she even knew she was pregnant! He thought that he must
have had some kind of stomach ailment, but when he discovered she was
pregnant, it all made sense to him. The way he would describe the morning
sickness is exactly the same as it would be with a pregnant lady. It has also
happened that, while we were talking, he would suddenly say something
like “I have to call my mother.” I would ask “Why? Did she ask you to?”
He would then reply “No, but I know she needs me to.” He would then call
her, only to find out that either something bad has happened or that she was
feeling emotionally down.
We once visited some friends of mine when Larry became unexplainably ill.
It was so sudden, we all were shocked. It then turned out that the lady we
visited had a son who was ill. Larry had all of his symptoms. I do not know
if it is true for all empaths, but many times when Larry was experiencing
someone else’s pain, morning sickness, or whatever it was, people would
say that they started to feel better once Larry shared it with them. It is as if
he is helping them carry the load of their affliction. These are only some
examples of his gifts.
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Am I an Empath, Sensitive, or Highly Sensitive?
It may be that you can identify with many things we have discussed up to
this point, but you may now be wondering: “Am I a sensitive, HSP, or
empath?”
Let’s figure out together to which group you belong. Some people use the
terms interchangeably, but in truth, they shouldn’t. There is a difference
between the three sensitive types. Some think that sensitive people are all
meant to have miserable lives for the sake of those around them. This is not
accurate at all. Take Larry, for example. Despite all the emotions and
feelings he has to endure, he lives a very happy life. Sensitives simply
require different things to be happy and fulfilled.
It is possible that you are an HSP and not an empath, or vice versa. The key
to understanding the difference lies in the way you experience the world.
An HSP experiences stimuli in an amplified manner. This causes an HSP to
overthink most things and intensely process all the information they
receive. Empaths, on the other hand, are more sensitive to energy. They
absorb the energy of people, places, animals, and sometimes objects. An
empath is more likely to be spiritual than an HSP.
A similarity between an HSP and an empath is that both can be negatively
influenced by their experiences. This is why they need to be trained on how
to cope with everything around them to avoid needless suffering.
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Science, Meditation, and Shadow Work
The reason people resist shadow work is that it deals with aspects that they
have suppressed into their subconscious, which are things that are hard to
acknowledge. It is admitting that you have a weakness, which some people
find too hard to do. You have to directly deal with an aspect of yourself that
you have rejected, all for the sake of being accepted and loved. The pain
associated with the rejection may surface every time you deal with it
through shadow work. Your brain will react by trying to save you from pain
—as you feel like you are facing rejection and punishment all over again; as
if you are that little kid who had to deal with it before. For shadow work to
be a success, you must first accept and love yourself completely for all you
are. Honor yourself, both the light and the shadow, while also honoring
being a sensitive.
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Chapter 2:
Too many people today are drowning in stress and anxiety. A lot of this can
be ascribed to their subconscious, often bringing forth unwanted behaviors.
Every person needs to do shadow work. It will help confront fears and
anxieties, help the person embrace both their light and shadow, and bring
healing where it is necessary. For shadow work to be successful, you need
to bring your shadow self into the light. Sensitives, however, need to take
their sensitive nature into account. Shadow work cannot be rushed or
pushed, especially in the case of sensitives. The sensitive must approach
shadow work carefully to avoid any harm or overwhelming feelings of
resistance. This is where meditation comes in—it helps the sensitive to
gently, calmly, and kindly allow their shadow to surface for mental and
physical healing to begin.
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Being Gentle With Your Shadow
True self-love means to accept all of who you are, including what is
suppressed into your shadow self. Learning this kind of love can be
challenging, especially if you are regularly in an environment filled with
toxic people or an environment that is overall depressing. We often get
labeled by others, which can also make loving ourselves harder. You may
also be struggling with constant negative thoughts brought on by past
trauma or judgments. What if you grew up with no positive role models?
Some people can’t love themselves simply because of what they see in the
mirror. This is often caused by bullying, ridicule, and body shaming.
We should all celebrate who we are. Life is filled with ups and downs, from
moments when we think we’re the best to moments when we couldn’t hate
ourselves more. Society makes a great effort in teaching everyone to be
mindful of others, which is a good thing, but we should also be mindful of
ourselves. When the time comes when you would normally berate and
loathe yourself, be mindful of who you are. Understand that everyone goes
through cycles of success and failure. Make mindfulness your foundation of
love. Then, when bad times come, you won’t resort to self-loathing, but
rather to self-compassion.
Attaining a healthy love for yourself is not being selfish. Some live by the
notion that you don’t need to love yourself to give love, but that is not true.
How can you give someone water from an empty cup? It needs to be filled
with water first before you can share it with others. Love is the same. You
need to fill yourself with love, then, the love you share with others will be
pure, unconditional, and unbreakable.
Many things that were suppressed into our shadow were caused by things
we were told in our childhood, however, as adults we still have to endure
criticism and sometimes ungrounded opinions of others. It is therefore
important to identify which words help promote our character and which
are detrimental.
You have the fullest right to say “No, I won’t make those words my own. I
won’t take them to heart.” Some may even become upset when you resist
their opinion, but when you have identified their words as negative and
non-constructive, you must protect yourself by refusing to entertain these
opinions. Identify the bullies who often pretend to have your best interest at
heart, but are cunning in finding ways to try and bring you down, or shove
your character into a box.
On the other hand, we all have flaws. Sometimes a good friend will point
out mistakes we make, trying to teach us not to repeat bad behavior, or stop
us from making the wrong choices. As we are pressured to do, we believe
that we should be perfect. Therefore, any mistake being pointed out feels
like an attack on our personalities. Here too, we should discern the intention
of the person sharing their opinion or guidance. If what they say is true, feel
the sting but don’t get angry. Rather embrace the fact that we all have flaws,
and see this intervention as an opportunity to learn, grow, and become a
better version of yourself.
How do you treat your best friend? Do you belittle them whenever they
make a mistake? Do you shower them with negative words when they want
to try something new or need some wisdom or encouragement? Most likely
you don’t, right? When someone is your best friend, you’ll be kind and
compassionate toward them. You will try and make their world a better
place, making sure that they know you are there for them, willing to hold
their hand when they need you to. Why can’t we be the same person toward
ourselves? We are in our own company every second of every day. Befriend
yourself. Instead of saying harsh things to yourself, imagine that you are
talking to your best friend. Treat yourself the same you would treat your
friend. Be kind and supportive toward yourself.
What you do to or for yourself influences your subconscious mind. If you
are constantly judging and criticizing yourself unnecessarily, your
subconscious will accept that you are not worth it. That is dangerous! This
is why you must learn to care for yourself. Start small, such as taking a
longer bath, treating yourself to a massage, or cooking a healthy and
nutritious meal. Even small acts of kindness and self-care will have a
positive impact on your subconscious, proving (to yourself) that you are
worthy of love and care. It may be difficult at first, especially if you believe
that you are not entitled to self-care. Make a conscious decision, and every
time you want to punish or criticize yourself, choose to turn it around.
Choose that you will care for and love yourself.
One of the best things you can do to promote self-love is shadow work. As
you know by now, shadow work is intense and can be painful. While
shadow work entails bringing hidden characteristics and aspects to light,
embracing and accepting them as part of who you are, some shadow work
is about excavating and changing your core beliefs. Some parts of our
shadow can be changed. Examples of core beliefs hidden in your shadow
may be: I’ll never be good enough, I’m not smart, No one likes me, I
shouldn’t be among people. Many core beliefs are false and should be
identified as such. Then, you can begin working on changing these beliefs
into something constructive and positive.
Sensitives often act as advocates for others and are not afraid to stand up for
them when an injustice is being done. What about you? Do you always
stand up for the rights of others? But what about yourself? Unfortunately,
sensitives are often critical and impatient with themselves, not willing to
tolerate the smallest of mistakes they make.
Instead, choose to be your own advocate. Learn to stand up for yourself,
whether you are attacked by another person or if you are struggling with
negative self-talk. Choose a kinder and more constructive approach. Do this
by acknowledging and honoring your needs, feelings, and values, regardless
if it means that you have to protect yourself from yourself.
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Why You Need to Meditate
Meditation is an effective way to induce relaxation, both physically and
mentally. This is why it is the ideal way to allow your shadow self to
surface. Meditation is not new—it has been practiced for millennia, today
becoming a rapidly growing trend in the U.S. and other parts of the world.
Anyone can practice meditation. There are no limitations as to who can
practice it regarding religion, income, status, or culture. Let’s talk about the
benefits of meditation.
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Meditation for Relaxation
This type of meditation is focused on relaxing both your body and your
mind. You may be prompted to use breathing as a technique, for example:
Take four deep breaths, breathe in through your nose, exhale through your
mouth.
To make these sessions more efficient, try and learn the process, so you can
do it without listening to a prompt. This will help your brain to relax and
destress even more.
Mindfulness Meditation
The goal of this method is to completely calm your mind. You will be aware
of your thoughts and acknowledge them, however, you won’t react to them
emotionally or physically. Every thought is looked at objectively. With this
kind of calmness, you’ll easily be able to see which thoughts are
constructive and which are harmful. However, you do not judge any of your
thoughts while examining them.
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Transcendental Meditation and Christian Centering Prayer
The meditator uses a mantra or a Christian prayer to focus on. Whenever
their thoughts are wandering, the meditator brings the thoughts back in a
calm manner, by returning their focus to the mantra or prayer. The
meditator repeats this technique until the noise of the mind has disappeared.
This means that the meditator who has mastered it will experience a
tranquil mind throughout the day, even while not meditating.
Simple Guided Meditation
You have the choice of doing guided meditation either with a professional,
while reading a book, or listening to a recorded voice. The meditation will
have you imagine being on a path or a journey while imagining that
someone is with you to serve as a guide. It can help you visualize reaching
goals or breaking bad habits. However, with this type of meditation, your
brain is still active, even though your body is feeling relaxed. The intent of
this method is for preparing your mind and empowering it to reach goals
and for other achievements, and can be used to discover more about your
shadow self.
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A Dance With Your Shadow
In this section, you will find a guided meditation especially crafted for
sensitives. It aims to honor your sensitive nature and find healing. My intent
with this technique is to help you find your shadow, make peace with it, and
embrace it as part of yourself.
If you are reading this in print, take a moment to stretch, then find yourself
a piece of technology with which you are comfortable. This exercise should
take just over twenty minutes as that is the duration of the soothing
recording of this guided meditation, which can be found here:
tinyurl.com/tomeditation
I have provided the meditation script if you would like to prepare yourself
for what's coming or if you would like to read it after listening to it:
Meditation Transcript
Please make yourself comfortable lying down on your bed, seated, or
wherever you can be completely comfortable.
Allow your eyes to close and take a few moments to scan your awareness
through the sensations of your body.
Allow your attention to gently come into the body to the flowing of your
breath.
Experience the sense of your body as a whole, simply lying here, extended,
and breathing.
The more you allow yourself to connect to your innate sensitive gifts, the
more you can heal yourself.
When you feel ready, picture in your mind’s eye the image of a large and
beautifully decorated ballroom. You’re standing in the middle of the room
and you notice some beautiful details.
Just see if you can bring that image into vivid focus in your mind’s eye.
Take another deep breath and ground yourself.
Notice how this place slows you down.
Look down and feel the ground under your feet.
As you watch the floor carefully, you’ll notice that it can change colors.
And they move.
Vibrant colors paint the floor like northern lights dancing through the sky.
Wow, this floor is like a palette of flying colors. It looks bright and playful.
Wait, you notice you can influence the colors.
And the shapes. And the movements.
You are in control of the floor. In some kind of way, your consciousness is
connected to this floor.
Now, just imagine the floor turning into the most beautiful purple colors.
You see? You just turned it into purple.
Now ask the colors to move and to change shape.
Wow, you just created a floor full of flying colors.
Just look at it, and play with it for a moment.
It’s connected to you. Actually, it feels part of you.
This ballroom is a wonderful place where your thoughts become real.
Standing here, being here in this place gives you new possibilities to change
your reality.
It feels powerful to have control over this floor with your conscious mind.
Here you can tap into your innate manifesting powers that are always
available to you.
You can change reality with each thought… and with each breath.
See what happens when you fully inhale... expanding your belly and chest
as much as you can.
Holding it for a moment...
And exhale...
Notice what you do to the floor when you breathe in and out…
Inhale... filling your entire breathing system with fresh oxygen.
Hold it...
And exhale...
Inhale... so that you are brimming with air.
Holding it... soaking in oxygen...
And exhale... your body relaxes, without any effort...
Fully inhale... feeling these fresh breaths purifying your entire body...
Exhale... Take note of how you feel at this very moment and how you
influence the floor with your calm state of mind.
You now have an abundance of oxygen.
This is what makes you feel alive, how we are created to feel.
Let the flow of your breath become natural and notice how strong you feel.
Good.
Now visualize yourself standing on the floor of the ballroom again. No one
else is around… Everything is calm and peaceful...
Just look around, noticing the beauty all around you... you are fully relaxed.
Now take a look at the floor. You feel safe and grounded. You are looking at
it from a place of love. I would like to invite you to make it pitch-black.
Just ask… Great, you already did.
This darkness is part of who you are. You are made of both dark and light
aspects.
And within your darkness lies some of the most worthwhile inner work you
can do as a human being.
Prepare to meet some aspect of yourself you’d rather not think about. We
all have tucked things away in our own shadow. Our own darkness.
Feeling grounded and strong in this ballroom of empowerment, you’re now
connected with it.
To meet your shadow in a safe way, I will help you… to dance with your
darkness.
Prepare yourself for healing. You will look the dark aspect of yourself in its
eyes and face it fully. To release it fully. Dance step-by-dance step.
Please repeat after me, to get fully prepared:
“I am safe.”
“I am strong.”
“My sensitivity is my superpower.”
“I am stronger than I think.”
“I can let go of the past to embrace my future.”
You notice that the floor is completely dark. Actually, the whole ballroom is
dark now. You can hardly see anything.
This darkness is a change to invite and shine your inner light… and to get a
clear view of the aspects of your shadow self that you’ve been hiding in the
dark.
Accept it and integrate it. I will guide you.
As you just become increasingly comfortable in following the natural
rhythm of the breath, I’d just like you to imagine now a steady flow of light
from the top of your head.
It flows almost like liquid sunlight.
It’s very smooth, very warm, very clear, very bright.
This is your inner light.
It flows down through the top of the head, into the body, and travels all the
way down.
Just melting away any tension, any discomfort. In this quiet and peaceful
state, your inner light chased away any limiting beliefs. You feel safe,
strong, and confident.
Even though the entire body now is full of that very spacious, clear feeling,
it continues to flow outward.
You notice your inner light, which illuminates the space around you. Like
you’re standing in an aura of light.
This is the moment to shine your inner light onto your shadow. Invite your
shadow to appear in the light. Just ask if it can come out of the darkness of
the floor and see what’s manifesting.
Watch it slowly becoming visible. Rising from the dark.
Your shadow is illuminated by your inner light now.
Don’t question what you see. This is the aspect of yourself that you put
away, that has been hurt, traumatized, or repressed.
Even if nothing visual appears, that’s alright. Your shadow may also show
itself as a feeling, strong or subtle. Give it time. Let your shadow fully
manifest.
Feel its anger, its sadness, or whatever else comes up. Maybe a painful
memory or an unhealthy belief. It’s all fine. Having feelings is not a
weakness. Being sensitive is your greatest strength. You are sensitive and
strong.
You’ve become aware of your shadow… It’s right in front of you.
Just touch it. Carefully. And make peace with it.
Welcome it.
Accept it.
Forgive it.
Embrace it.
Hold it close and slowly start your dance.
Do the moves that feel best for you. You may gradually increase the size of
your movement. You don’t have to think about your steps. You’re just
dancing.
It balances your shadow and your light and you will appreciate yourself on
a new and deeper level. Love your shadow for all it is. Give it your love and
compassion. Without judgment.
This dance is essentially emotion in motion.
How does it feel to dance with your darkness? Allow feelings of love and
compassion to move through your body.
Hold your shadow close to your heart and feel the connection.
This is the moment you created the loving space to ask some questions to
your shadow. Just keep on dancing and take some time to let the answers
flow.
Ask your shadow, “What can I give you? What will help you?”
Take some time to let the answers flow. Allow for yourself to experience any
insightful messages.
“What do you want from me?”
“How can you help me?”
“Which lesson do you want to teach me?”
Thank your shadow. Feel thankful for the opportunity to connect.
By embracing your shadow, you become whole.
Remember, your light cannot exist without your darkness. Your enlightened
side cannot exist without the darker aspect of your personality.
This dance creates harmony within, and aligns you to your spiritual core.
Connecting with your shadow is an act of self-love. Your loving awareness
is so powerful.
Now, while you’re still dancing and holding your darkness in your heart
space, shine your inner light brighter and brighter and notice, when you do
this, your shadow fades away more and more.
It’s not disappearing. It’s merging. Your inner light embraces your inner
darkness.
Healing is happening. This dance is a process of becoming whole again.
Think about it… How can you completely and wholeheartedly accept who
you are if there are sides of yourself that you’re too afraid to explore?
If you stop dancing now and look at the floor, you notice, that the darkness
is still dancing in the light. They have found each other. Like yin and yang.
Now, take your time to bring back your attention to your body again.
Whenever you are ready, take another nice deep breath and become fully
aware of the present moment, ready to take on the rest of your day with
confidence.
Faith is the light that guides you through the darkness.
Take heart and decide to be unashamedly yourself… Move on and stay
strong.
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Chapter 3:
This may be difficult but good to know, further validating why shadow
work is so important. Sensitives are more prone to illness than non-
sensitives, as suppressed negative emotions are more challenging for
sensitives to deal with, and they are also easily overstimulated. A sensitive’s
shadow self can make them ill. With this being said, the opposite is true as
well—positive emotions and mindsets promote physical wellness.
Especially with sensitives, it is a question of mind over matter when it
comes to health.
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Understanding Energy
Everything in your environment has a frequency or energetic vibration.
Sensitives are tuned into these frequencies, even noticing small changes.
Sensitives sometimes absorb foreign energies which then become part of
their bodies. For this reason, sensitives must train how to block foreign and
especially unwanted energies, avoiding these from affecting them. Words
that are thought, read, or spoken have a distinct energy pattern, depending
on the intention of the person who is the source of the words. An emotional
response follows which is determined by the energy pattern.
Did you know that a word that is spoken becomes empowered and fueled
with energy? Let’s take the word “detest” for example. This word can
immediately cause an emotional response, whether it is spoken, read, or
thought. The source of the word adds its own energy as well: Supposing the
person did not speak the word but only thought it, the word would still
resonate with enough energy to be picked up by a sensitive, even if the
person’s body language or facial expression couldn't be used as visible
clues. This adds some light to the origins of the phrase “getting a vibe.”
We find reports of mind over matter throughout many cultures. According
to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the concept of mind over matter is
defined as “a situation in which someone is able to control a physical
condition, problem, etc., by using the mind.” The idea of mind over matter
seems far fetched, but is it possible that it is rooted in some reality?
According to the Institute of Noetic Sciences (2016), scientists interested in
this phenomenon have been conducting experiments for almost a century.
Doctor Joseph Banks Rhine conducted such experiments in the 1930s,
though those were basic when compared to today’s standards. The tests
aimed to determine whether people have the ability to manipulate an
outcome, such as dice being thrown. Surprisingly, these experiments
yielded positive results.
The first random number generator (RNG), was invented by a physicist,
Doctor Helmut Schmidt, in the 1970s. The machine worked as electrons
were released from a small piece of lightly radioactive material. Participants
in the study would be asked to think of numbers while looking at the
machine. Again, to everyone’s amazement, the results showed that the
machine’s generated numbers leaned more toward the intended choices of
the participants, deviating from its baseline. This means that the
participants’ intentions influenced the machine. Although the effect wasn’t
enormous, the results were still significant.
Years later, Doctors Robert Jahn and Brenda Dunne confirmed these results
through experiments that were done at the Princeton Engineering
Anomalies Research Laboratory (PEAR). When participants were asked to
concentrate on higher or lower numbers, the output again deviated from
randomness to match their intent. Research conducted at the Institute of
Noetic Sciences finds that shared emotions and mental states also influence
the RNGs. Princeton’s scientist and psychologist, Roger D. Nelson, is in
charge of research being done on a global scale—The Global
Consciousness Project. His idea (which was executed) was to place RNGs
worldwide among populations. Nelson predicted that the RNGs will be
influenced by people as their attention was captured by global events. Over
the course of 20 years, over 500 significant worldwide events triggered the
RNGs, again causing them to deviate from randomness. Events included
natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and New Year celebrations. The odds that
this would only happen by chance is more than a trillion to one.
Although scientists are able to prove that the intention of people influences
the RNGs, how it happens is still a mystery and something they cannot
explain. Their findings, though, show that order appears from the intention
of the masses. This also proves that people’s consciousness has an influence
on the physical world. It also means that the mind plays an important part in
perceived reality.
Doctor Bruce Lipton, who is a molecular biologist, author, stem cell
specialist, and winner of the 2009 Goi Peace Award, has an understanding
of the energies that surround us and are within us, and he specifically
studies vibrations and thoughts. Doctor Lipton’s studies at the Stanford
Medical School focused on mind over matter and proved scientifically how
the mind, body, and spirit are connected. Doctor Lipton aimed to prove that
our thoughts influence our bodies (Glad.is Admin, 2020).
According to Doctor Lipton, communication starts with energy and
vibrations. While there is a large number of different types of energy,
vibrations can basically be divided into two categories—good and bad
vibrations. Bad vibrations drain your energy, while good vibrations give
you more energy. Our bodies do not interpret vibrations into words or
logical thoughts. We only feel whether vibrations are good or bad.
Have you ever experienced someone who tends to drain your energy? Some
people can leave you feeling fatigued only after spending a short while with
them, with no activities but talking. You may know other people, on the
other hand, who leave you feeling more motivated and energetic than
before. Have you ever met a person who just gave you “bad vibes”? I’m not
talking about judging a person, but about that inward feeling you get. This
happens especially when you are a sensitive.
In my personal experience, I have met people who gave me such bad vibes,
only to find out later that there was a good reason for me feeling that way.
One such instance was when I met a friend of a family member. I even
warned my family member about this person, picking up on this friend’s
bad intentions. It turned out afterward that the person stole from my friend
and eventually ended up in jail.
Animals can read energy and vibrations as well. Similar to humans, some
animals are highly sensitive too. They are necessary for the survival of their
species. We have all heard about cases where dogs do not trust certain
people. More often than not it is for a good reason. Dogs aren’t mind
readers, but animals pick up on energies and are able to distinguish good
from bad vibrations. Such is the case when animals flee from an area before
a natural disaster strikes. It’s all about the vibrations they read from the
environment. Life is based on energy—when something has energy, it is
alive, when there is no energy, there is no life. Perhaps this is why many
spiritual practices believe that everything, including every rock, plant, and
animal has life. What causes vibrations to be either bad or good?
It is based on what you believe. The things we believe determine how we
think and what our attitudes will be. When you constantly have bad
thoughts and emotions, do you think your vibrations will be good? This
means that to change your vibrations, you need to change any false beliefs
you may have and correct your mindset from negative to positive, thereby
changing your perspective and attitude toward life.
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Why Are You So Vulnerable to Illness?
Research done on over 100 different animal species has shown that 15–30%
of all populations are highly sensitive to their environments. This is true for
people as well, affecting over 1 billion people worldwide (Rosieraleigh,
2019). Making an effort to understand their sensitivity will make the world
a better place, whether you are highly sensitive or non-sensitive. Sensitives
often feel isolated because of their differences compared to non-sensitives,
and non-sensitives are sometimes too quick to judge, as they don’t know
what being sensitive is about.
One in five people are sensitives, often struggling with illnesses more
intensely than non-sensitives. Their feelings of isolation do not help,
making them feel worse, and preventing them from reaching their goals and
living their dreams. Sensitives are more prone to illness as they easily
become overstimulated by their environment and circumstances. Ill health
has a negative influence on the economy, as sensitives who are ill cannot
continually carry the workload they are supposed to. This harms their
careers and can lead to burnout. Some sensitives leave the workforce
altogether because of its negative impact on their health.
Because sensitives often feel isolated, some of them marginalize
themselves, which prevents them from sharing their talents and innovations
with the workforce or the rest of the community. Instead of embracing
cognitive diversity (as it realistically exists in the world), many companies
focus on creating something called groupthink, where it is assumed that all
employees will have the same cognitive processes, in other words, think
exactly the same. But is this viable? Sensitives are more in tune with other
people and their environment, and with their deep thinking, are often more
creative.
By embracing cognitive diversity instead of relying on running a company
with a hive mind, these companies will find it beneficial in terms of greater
workflow and innovativeness. In turn, this will have a very positive impact
on the economy. Learning how to understand sensitives may help
companies put preventative measures in place to avoid the overstimulation
and burnout of their sensitive employees. In the study mentioned earlier in
this section, scientists have also found that the sensitive part of animal
populations ensures their survival. This 15–30% of the highly sensitive
animals are more tuned in to their environment, therefore are able to know
early on when danger is coming.
This is also true with humans, where companies can benefit from their
sensitivity. Sensitives will be able to pick up quickly if something is wrong
or when the company is in danger. But for this to work, companies will
have to accept that part of their workforce falls under those who are
sensitive, highly sensitive, or empathic. In the same way, sensitives will
also benefit from a positive environment, which means the company should
take better care to ensure the well-being of all their employees,
acknowledging and listening to the needs of the sensitives working for
them.
Society has a number of norms that everyone is supposed to live by.
Sensitives understand this and force themselves to live up to this norm,
whether they can handle it or not. This is what causes illness in sensitives
involved in the workforce. Unfortunately, instead of reaping the benefits of
having sensitives in their employ, companies miss the opportunity to have
someone who can spot danger from afar, saving their employers time and
money. Sensitive employees end up being marginalized and in ill health as
their needs are neglected.
Besides work-related stresses and obligations, several other things in life
can be emotionally demanding. Such things can include having to work on
maintaining healthy relationships, feeling the pressure of having to succeed,
having a fear that you’ll miss out on things, and being expected to keep up
with everything new. Unfortunately, most people have become adept at
hiding their emotions. Why? Because people are often encouraged to push
their emotions aside. Some believe that by ignoring emotions, they will
simply go away. But this can’t be further from the truth.
How do people attempt to bury their emotions? They do it through the use
of technology, spending excessive time on social media or watching
television, some turn to drugs or alcohol, or both, to suppress certain
emotions, and some abuse prescribed medication. A time may come when a
person has to face and acknowledge their emotions, but they are quickly
dismissed by using phrases such as “Get over it, it’s life,” or “Don’t let it
bother you.” These phrases may sound like good advice, but it only ends up
in the emotions being bottled, which is detrimental to both your physical
and mental health.
Imagine you are visiting Wyoming, and decide to go to Yellowstone
National Park. You are excited to see Old Faithful. After waiting for about
40 minutes, the geyser erupts, spewing water almost 100 feet into the air.
What causes this? Magma that is present two to five miles under the surface
heats the water, creating pressure. Soon, the water can’t be contained, and it
erupts. I’m sure you have heard that someone has “exploded” with anger.
Maybe it happened to you.
People are surprised when this happens, but they shouldn’t be. Why does it
happen that a person suddenly explodes? It happens because of emotions
that are ignored. Just like the water of Old Faithful, suppressed emotions
build up inside of you. When the pressure becomes too much, you erupt
with anger. Emotions that are dealt with do not have a chance to create
pressure; they have energy which means they need to be expressed. Our
bodies, thinking they were smart, learned how to suppress them. We still
hold our breaths and contract our muscles to suppress our emotions.
Emotions that are ignored, however, do not only put you in danger of
exploding, but also can cause anxiety and depression. When your brain
decides that emotions are too conflicting or overwhelming, it decides to
thwart these emotions. This causes a great deal of stress on both your body
and mind. Such emotional stress can cause mental health issues and also
physical ailments, such as headaches, autoimmune disorders, heart disease,
insomnia, and intestinal problems. Mind over matter, remember? This is its
power—not only can your mind influence what happens in your
environment, but also in your body.
Bottled emotions can also cause you to lash out at people, even if they don’t
really deserve it. It’s easy to get caught up in heightened emotions when
other worse emotions are not dealt with. Someone may ask you an innocent
question but because of buried emotions, it triggers anxiety or anger within
you. As emotions have energy they need to flow freely and without
constraint. It is unfortunate that society expects us to hide our emotions,
especially when it comes to males. “Boys don’t cry” or “You’re a big girl
now”—do these sound familiar? We are taught to bottle emotions even at a
very young age.
The irony is that we bottle our emotions for fear of facing them, refusing to
give emotions some kind of control over us. Yet, if we ignore our emotions,
they end up controlling us. We experience uncontrollable outbursts or fits of
rage because of triggers caused by unresolved issues associated with
emotions. It can cause us to become rude or mean, distrustful, and overall
negative. This can’t lead to a happy life. Isn’t it time to take control and
consciously decide to become happy? I think it is. Especially if you are a
sensitive.
When emotions are triggered in the midbrain, the vagus nerve responds by
sending signals to the intestines, lungs, and heart. This causes a state of
anxiety as the brain attempts to warn the body that immediate action should
be taken. All this is very primitive as it ensured the survival of our
prehistoric ancestors. For this reason, emotions are not under our control—
which is something we should all be much aware of. As soon as the brain
perceives danger, it springs into action to get the body ready to defend
itself. This is without us knowing what the brain is doing, sometimes not
understanding why we experience certain emotions and anxieties.
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Your Health Is Important Too
Anxiety caused by unresolved issues related to emotions will keep on
harming our physical and mental well-being until we do something about it.
Emotions need to be recognized and acknowledged, and instead of
undermining them, we should examine them. Consider questioning
yourself: Why do I feel this way? What caused this emotion? Is the emotion
good or bad? Are there any issues surrounding the emotion? What can I do
to remedy the issue?
While negative emotions can cause harm to your overall well-being,
positive emotions can bring healing.
Sensitives feel the need from a young age to hide their true self, which also
adds to problems when it comes to their physical and mental well-being.
School is supposed to be a place of safety and care, but for some, going to
school can be a nightmare. Stress and anxiety experienced at a young age
can cause future issues physically and mentally. Many sensitives who are
still children experience rejection by parents, friends, teachers, and family
members. Therefore, we should start by educating young people about
sensitives and how the environment affects them. Teach people to love
these sensitive children, so they can grow up to be a productive and
innovative part of their community. However, sensitives can be productive
and innovative without needing to “fit in.” The fault is not in their
sensitivity but in the non-sensitives’ lack of education and information. All
sensitives should embrace their individuality and live a life that works for
them.
While psychotherapists have started to acknowledge the part emotions play
in our well-being, it does not receive enough attention in mainstream care.
It would be undoubtedly beneficial to include education on emotions and
how to handle them when it comes to practices and institutions such as
psychology, social care, and medical schools. Some people judge
themselves or others because of emotions that are experienced. Teaching
people that emotions aren’t under their control would be a good place to
start. People would feel less guilty or judgmental when it comes to
emotions.
People who are educated and provided with tools to deal with emotions
experience an enormous difference and improvement in their well-being.
By allowing themselves to experience emotions, some become aware of
physical healing taking place, such as healing of the stomach or intestines.
Understanding that anger is also a normal emotional reaction can help
people validate it when they feel angry, which would make it easier to deal
with. Skills can be acquired on how to release anger without harming
themselves or others. By practicing self-compassion, feelings of
humiliation, self-pity, or self-loathing will be minimized.
These helpful skills will especially be beneficial to sensitives, who would
first have to determine the source of the emotion before dealing with it.
Remember, some sensitives can pick up on the emotions of others, absorb
them, and make them their own. Realizing that the source of an experienced
emotion is external may make it easier to deal with. When you allow
yourself to experience all of your emotions without critique or judgment,
they will simply pass after you have experienced them. Working with your
emotions like this will change the firing pattern of the vagus nerve,
reducing anxiety and helping your body to heal.
As one in five people are sensitive, highly sensitive, or empathic, it would
be a good idea to adjust workplaces and the overall environment to suit
their needs. This will prevent ailments such as chronic muscle tension, high
blood pressure, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, infectious
diseases, and mental health problems. If you are a sensitive, I’m sure you’ll
agree that people need to be educated to understand your sensitivity and the
way your body and brain work, which can help you feel less embarrassed
and ashamed. You can’t live up to unreasonable expectations if your central
nervous system does not allow it.
Managing emotions such as anger and hostility will improve your heart’s
health. Men, for example, who have anger issues are more likely to suffer
cardiac effects such as heart attacks. Dealing with negative emotions can
help alleviate other health issues such as the constriction of peripheral blood
vessels, increased heart rate, unhealthy blood lipids, and hypertension.
While experiencing bad emotions, your blood pressure rises, but every time
you recall what has happened and you revisit the emotion, your blood
pressure spikes again. Anger appears in different forms, which should all be
dealt with. Anger can manifest as irritability, impatience, and grouchiness,
which all have the potential of damaging your health.
Positive emotions cause the release of beneficial hormones and
neurochemicals. Have you ever wondered why you feel better after you
have cried? While you are crying, your body is flushing out the stress
hormone present in your body. When you feel grateful, more oxygen is
distributed among your cells which speeds up healing and boosts your
immune system. Did you know that being in love affects your body for up
to a year? It boosts your level of nerve growth factor which improves your
memory by restoring your nervous system.
Beta-endorphins are released when you watch a funny comedy, which
improves your mood and accelerates healing. Expecting to be laughing
reduces cortisol and adrenaline in your body, while laughter decreases your
risk of having a heart attack. Understand the benefits of feeling good, and
cultivate habits that bring about happy feelings.
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Chapter 4:
Our minds are far more complex than we give them credit for. Internal
mechanisms and chemical processes are all controlled by our brains—yet
still, we can focus on other tasks that need to be done while thinking about
other things, such as a person we like, or what we will have for lunch or
dinner. Your brain creates a new channel for every new thing it needs to
focus on. And your brain is smart enough to prioritize, categorize, and
organize everything, from tasks to daily habits, to make your life experience
better. Just like a computer, your brain needs to be programmed to fulfill all
that is required of you.
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Are You Being Programmed?
We live on a planet that has gravity, spinning around its own axis. Without
us realizing it, this factor influences all of us and every other living being
on this planet. When a child learns to walk, do they get up one day and start
walking around? No, they don’t. The process of learning how to walk is
meticulous and can take quite some time. Children need to learn how to
walk because of gravity. Have you ever thought about that? The act of
standing on your legs and using them to move around is a process used to
counteract the pull of gravity. Then, it takes some more time to master the
art of walking before the child starts running.
Do you think adults who can walk around effortlessly have to focus on the
act of walking? They don’t have to, as the skill to walk is fully programmed
into their minds. As more responsibilities and obligations are added, your
mind is programming itself to enable you to do the associated tasks. One
way of programming your mind is through learning. People have known
that the brain is responsible for learning since ancient times. However,
neuroscientists have only been able to see what happens in the brain as
learning occurs. All kinds of experiments are done to understand more
about the brain and its functions.
Luckily we have enough information to know what a brain looks like
without having to crack open a skull. Your brain is a dense network of
fibers, containing approximately 100 billion neurons. It has three different
parts: the stem, cerebellum, and cerebrum. The brainstem connects the brain
to the spinal cord, regulating functions such as heart rate, breathing, and
balance. Imagine having to manually control your breathing all day! It
would be impossible. The stem has a stalk-like appearance as it narrows
down to connect to the spine. It regulates subconscious functioning by
forwarding messages from the brain to the rest of the body.
The cerebellum is at the bottom near the back of the brain. It may be
smaller than the cerebrum but is vital to your existence. Bodily functions
that are required daily as well as habits are programmed into the
cerebellum. It also assists with vision and eye movement. But did you know
that it is not only your eyes and ears that help you maintain your balance?
Your cerebellum has special sensors that pick up when your body is moving
and getting out of balance. It then sends signals to your body, helping it to
adjust so you can maintain your balance. This is why you sometimes regain
your balance so quickly when you slip on the dance floor.
The cerebrum is the larger part of the brain where learning, reasoning, and
memory occur. In other words, this is the most programmable part of the
brain. Did you know that different parts of the cerebrum are programmed
according to their function? These functions include short-term memory,
long-term memory, reasoning abilities, speech, language, and the
processing of sensory input. This flood of information is first stored as
short-term memory in a volatile part of the brain. This is done by a network
of neurons firing up, sending signals between synapses. A neural pathway is
created and the action or information is stored as short-term memory.
This new information stored in the short-term memory is taken to the
structural core, where it is compared to existing memories. This is not
always completely accurate, as degradation of the neurons is something that
happens. The action of comparing the memories is instant, sending signals
across billions of neurons and transmitting messages between synapses. But
because of degradation, some memories are incomplete. Our minds
fabricate details sometimes to fill the missing parts. This is why you
sometimes remember something different than your siblings.
Learning and memory, or programming, happen as the connection between
neurons is strengthened or weakened. Memories or knowledge that are
often recalled cause a strengthening of connections, while things that are
pushed to the back have weakened connections. A connection can weaken
so much over time that the memory or information disappears. It is actually
something we are all familiar with. When we were in school, what was the
best way to learn? By repeating information over and over again, we
ensured that new information was embedded thoroughly.
Our programming starts at a young age. We are brought up in accordance
with moral standards and beliefs. This in itself differs between cultures and
even households. For example, in one household it is normal to greet one
another in the morning, after work and school, and at night. In another
household it is regarded as normal for each person to go their own way,
speaking only when it is necessary, with no hellos or goodbyes, good
mornings or good nights. If it seems unbelievable, trust me, I’ve seen
families who live like this.
The beliefs of parents aren’t necessarily accurate, true, or beneficial. I know
adults who are overweight because their parents used to tell them not to
leave any food on their plates. This belief stuck, and even as adults, they
can’t stop eating until there is nothing left on their plates. It takes
counseling and hard work for a person to heal from these false beliefs, and
often shadow work is required for complete healing. Luckily, all is not bad.
We also learn values, morals, and important life lessons from our parents.
From learning to walk and learning to talk, our brains are open hard drives
to be programmed, ready to gather and process new information.
In school, children are given a lot of information—they have to learn things
about different subjects, are taught how to behave, and are guided with
morals on what is acceptable and what is not. Can any teacher or parent
ever be perfect? No one can, right? But as children, we absorb all available
information, and through several mental processes build our identity around
the things we are taught. This leads to new behaviors, either good or bad.
Good if the child wants to be obedient, bad if the child decides to be a little
rebel.
As an adult, whenever your brain recognizes new behavior, neurons start to
fire up immediately, sending messages between synapses. Why? Your brain
is trying to understand what you are doing, why you are doing it, and
whether or not this new behavior is dangerous. Let’s look at an example.
When you get out of bed in the morning, you get ready for work, get in
your car, and drive to the office. Let’s say you have had your car for several
years now. Do you need to focus on how to turn the key in the ignition,
handle the gears, use your indicators, or turn the steering wheel? Do you
still need to think about which pedals to push to get certain results? No,
these things have become a habit.
New behaviors and information cause new neural pathways to form. When
you learned how to drive, your neurons fired up wildly, trying to understand
what you were doing. The more you were driving, the stronger the
connections became. Soon, the connections were strong enough so you
didn’t need to consciously think about it anymore. While you were learning,
you were using the outer parts of the brain, especially the prefrontal cortex.
A lot of energy was used to create these neural pathways.
Once the connections were strong enough, your brain understood that this is
a safe behavior that will be repeated. Your brain then shifts control of this
neural pathway to the basal ganglia, which is a part of the inner brain.
Behaviors and information, such as following a familiar route to work, are
managed by the basal ganglia. While behaviors activating the prefrontal
cortex require a lot of energy, behaviors controlled by the basal ganglia
require very little energy. This is your brain’s way of saving mental energy.
You can then rather use this energy for more important things, such as
critical thinking or remembering your wife’s birthday.
But what if a car suddenly swerves right in front of you? What happens?
You hit the brakes and control the steering wheel in an effort to avoid an
accident. This behavior is again controlled by the prefrontal cortex. The
moment your brain realizes that something bad is happening, signals are
sent to your body to react. This action requires a large amount of energy.
See how effective the brain is? Having the basal ganglia control the
behavior of driving your brain saves energy, making this energy available to
avoid a collision.
But still, though complex, our brains are not perfect. Sometimes bad
behaviors can also turn into habits, such as drinking or smoking. Habits are
indeed another way we program our minds. It takes time and effort to break
bad habits, but replacing bad habits with good ones is indeed possible.
During the process of shadow work, bad habits may surface. When you
have identified these bad habits, you can use shadow work to bring about
change and replace them with good habits. This is how you can use the
power of your brain for the greater good.
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The Impact of Your Mindset
The way your mind is programmed can have a tremendous influence on
your mindset. A mindset is a set of notions, assumptions, or methods held
by one or more people toward a person, people, an object, incident,
environment, and anything else for that matter. Your mindset will determine
how you behave toward a person, in a situation, or toward yourself. Your
mind needs to be ready for shadow work, which means your mindset will
affect how successful you’ll be.
A mindset can either be highly beneficial or detrimental, depending on the
type of mindset. This is especially true for sensitives. Past programming
may induce prejudice, often because of self-loathing and aspects of the self
that are suppressed into the shadow self. A person may not be aware that
they are acting in a certain way because of their mindset. People of all ages
should be educated about the power of a mindset and how it determines
their quality of life. Your mindset does not only have an impact on yourself
but also on those around you. The truth is, we don’t have only one mindset
at a time, but several. However, one of these mindsets will overpower the
rest, determining your behavior and attitude. The different mindsets are:
Positive
A positive mindset is always trying to find positivity in every situation or
person. A person with a positive mindset is grateful and likes to look at the
bright side of things.
Negative
A negative mindset focuses on the bad side of things, believing that things
cannot get better. A person with a negative mindset believes the worst about
people and situations.
Growth
A growth mindset is centered on learning and experiencing new things. A
person with a growth mindset is innovative and proactive.
Fixed
A fixed mindset does not like learning or growing. A person with a fixed
mindset accepts everything as it is, believing that nothing can change about
it, whether it is a person or a situation.
Optimistic
An optimistic mindset believes that everything will always turn out for the
good. A person with an optimistic mindset will believe a person or situation
has something to offer, no matter what.
Pessimistic
A pessimistic mindset always anticipates the worst outcome,
catastrophizing or distrusting those around them. A person with a
pessimistic mindset will try to convince others that ideas, goals, people, or
situations are bad.
Realistic
A realistic mindset sees the good in things, but also the bad. A person with
a realistic mindset will not try and deter others from doing what they feel
they need to, but will make them aware of the pros and cons.
Unrealistic
An unrealistic mindset is often gullible and believes almost everything. A
person with an unrealistic mindset will set goals that are not achievable or
expect behavior and successes from others that are beyond their ability.
They will often ignore warnings.
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Finding Mindsets
Think about the eight mindsets explained above, and let’s use a story as an
example to identify mindsets:
Joe, Dave, Tony, and Brian are going on a week’s vacation. They
are excited, as they are planning to spend a week in a cabin in the
woods. They have to drive quite a distance to get to the cabin. As
they are driving, they are all excited, chatting the time away. They
stop at a gas station, where Joe, Dave, and Tony go into the gas
station’s convenience store. Brian is set with the task of filling up
the tank. Soon, they are all back in the car to continue their long
drive. They turn up a road, now en route to the cabin. They are
surrounded by tall trees and thick brush; the road they’re on is a
single, meandering path heading deeper into the woods.
As it begins to get dark, Joe notices that they have used up more
than half of the gas. Immediately he complains, “I knew we weren’t
going to make it! I knew it was too far!”
Dave smiles and says, “Don’t worry, we’ll make it. Even if we have
to get there on fumes.”
Tony reassures them and says, “Besides, there are cans filled with
gas at the cabin. If it is necessary, one of us can walk there and
bring back the jerricans.”
Joe is in shock. “What! You expect one of us to walk up there! It
sure isn’t gonna be me!”
Dave shrugs and says, “No prob, I’ll go. It won’t be that far.”
Tony adds to the conversation by saying, “Luckily we have enough
food if we have to spend the night beside the road.”
Brian laughs and says, “Dudes! You know I filled up the tank,
right? I also filled the two jerry cans I put in the trunk. So don’t
worry, we won’t run out.”
Everyone is relieved, especially Joe. He just watched one too many
horror movies.
Now take some time and sort the list of mindsets according to the behaviors
of the different characters. Which mindsets do you think fit with which
character? Do this first before we continue. Have you done it? You’ll only
be doing yourself a favor.
It is clear that Joe’s mindset is both negative, fixed, and pessimistic, right?
But, he is also realistic, knowing that they won’t be able to reach the cabin
with the fuel they have.
Dave’s mindset is positive and optimistic, but also unrealistic and fixed.
Tony’s mindset is positive, growth, and optimistic, but with a touch of an
unrealistic mindset.
Brian’s mindset is pessimistic, positive, growth, and realistic. You may
wonder why I state that he also has a pessimistic mindset. If he was
optimistic, he would have decided that the fuel in their tank was enough to
get them to the cabin, but he was pessimistic enough to worry something
would go wrong, and filled the two jerricans.
Therefore, mindsets labeled as bad are not always bad. We need to have a
negative or pessimistic mindset sometimes. For example, when a friend
feels terribly sick, will you be optimistic and tell them they’ll be fine, or
will you be pessimistic and tell them they need to go and see a doctor? It is
good to have the positive mindsets in charge, but we should allow the
negative ones some space as well.
Your mindset will also determine how you will approach shadow work. If
you are negative and pessimistic about it, it will never work. The great thing
about a mindset is that it can be changed. How do you change your
mindset? By reprogramming your mind.
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Reprogramming Your Mind
Your mindset and the way you think determine what your life will be like.
Many people don’t realize this and simply let life go by without being
willing to change their perspective. How often have you thought about
doing something great, but then just let it slip away without further
consideration? This happens to millions of people all the time. Your brain is
programmed to reflect everything familiar to you, constantly comparing
new experiences with existing information. This means that your mind
reflects everything you know about your environment. This begs the
question—does your environment determine how you think, or does the
way you think determine your environment?
If you go through a day performing the same habits you have been
repeating for the last few years (such as getting up in the morning, getting
ready for work, drinking coffee from your favorite mug, driving to work,
doing what is expected of you at your workplace, and then return home to
watch television, have supper, and then go to sleep), were there any changes
to your way of thinking or your physical brain? You repeat daily the same
actions that produce the same thoughts, coming with familiar frustrations
you have to face every day. This means that what you are doing will
constantly produce the same outcome.
This may make you feel safe and secure, but perhaps you have yearned for
a change, something to happen, or things to get better. Your experiences
every day activates circuits in your brain, which then leads to a certain kind
of thinking, directly linked to your environment. As you do the same things
and see the same people, your brain is creating a way of thinking that is
already familiar to you. In other words, you are only thinking about the
things you already know.
If you want things to change, especially if you are a sensitive, is to begin
thinking bigger than your environment. Think about what you truly want
and create a vision around it. All the great people are visionaries—people
such as Joan of Arc, Albert Einstein, and William Wallace. When they had
their visions, hopes, and dreams, did they perceive them literally? No, it
was not something they could see, taste, or touch. Still, they had given their
vision so much power that they started living as if their vision was already a
reality. You and I have the same ability. We have the skills to create a
vision, empower it, and live as if it is already a reality.
Your personality consists of three parts: how you feel, think, and act. This
becomes your personal reality. The person you are, or your personality, has
created your personal reality, which is the situation you are in at this
moment—also known as your life. If you want to change your personal
reality or your life, you will have to change the emotional connection you
have about things, your thoughts, and your habits and behaviors. You can
never create a new personal reality if you stick to the same personality. In
some essence, you have to become someone different.
When you repeat the same actions every day, these actions are hard-wired
into your brain. The neurons that fire up follow the same pathways every
day, with impulses continually running among familiar roads. Your mind is
how you use your brain, in other words, it’s your brain in action. Even by
reminding yourself who you are, your neurons are firing in the same pattern
every time you do it. Behaviors become habits as the brain becomes
familiar with the behaviors. Your brain does not only change mentally but
physically as well. The neurological pathways are detectable, as these
pathways create visible clues where the neurons fire up.
This means that to change your personality, you have to change your brain
mentally and physically. How do you do that? By creating new
combinations, patterns, and sequences. This will cause your brain to work
in a different way than it is used to. And don’t worry, your brain can handle
it! How did we become who we are? We did it by absorbing information
and knowledge from a young age. As an adult, you can still use information
and knowledge to create new pathways and change the physiology of your
brain. Every time you learn a new thing, such as a skill, your brain is
immediately creating new connections.
When you recall information, you are sustaining and maintaining those new
connections. When you entertain a new thought, neurons fire. Yes, just by
consciously thinking about something, the neurons begin creating
pathways. When this happens, a different part of your brain is activated,
which releases certain chemicals, creating an emotion that is linked to what
you are thinking. This is true for either positive or negative thinking.
Positive thinking can summon joyous emotions, while negative thinking
can cause anxiety, stress, or depression.
Ultimately, the chemicals enter your body, and you have feelings associated
with your thoughts. Feeling good can lead to positive thinking while feeling
bad leads to negative thinking. But regardless of the way you think, it
becomes a loop. You begin to feel the way you think and think the way you
feel. Emotions and thoughts begin feeding one another, which can be either
to your benefit or can be detrimental to your physical and emotional health.
See the importance of shadow work? By eliminating negative thinking and
beliefs, you will be reducing a lot of chemicals that only serve to make you
feel worse.
Once your thoughts and feelings are aligned, you enter a state of “being.”
Thoughts are used by your brain to communicate, while your body
communicates through feelings. According to Doctor Joe Dispenza, up to
95% of the behaviors performed by an adult who is 35 years old are
automated habits. This means that most of an adult’s day consists of
basically mindless activities that don’t require high levels of thinking. Only
5% of your conscious mind is used for new and unfamiliar activities
(FightMediocrity, 2019). This is why we sometimes have a great thought,
but feelings of unworthiness or self-loathing stop us from following
through. This happens when a person’s body is not aligned with positive
thinking, meaning that the person is filled with negativity.
Such negativity can prevent a person from achieving the life they desire.
The negativity quickly overturns any possible positive thoughts, keeping
the person trapped in their negative state of being. But people should know,
it should be shouted from the rooftops—we all have the power to overturn
this negativity! We have the ability to change! We can change our
programming! We don’t need to be content with a way of thinking; many
people only bring about change after being faced with trauma or some other
terrifying experience.
But why should anyone wait for something horrible to happen? We all can
do something about it now. You can decide to take back your life this
instant—refusing negativity, and becoming filled with hope for what
shadow work can do for you. Don’t think of shadow work as something you
have to do. Think of it as something you get to do. Reprogram your mind.
Think about those millions who don’t get the chance, those who haven’t
received the good news. Be grateful, do shadow work, and then reach out to
those who need you.
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Chapter 5:
In this chapter, you will find methods to deal with aspects of your shadow
self whenever you are overcome with emotions such as anxiety, stress, or
fear. The methods are creative and focused on honoring your sensitivity,
helping you release negative energy in a kind and easy way. Although these
methods are not particularly focused entirely on shadow work such as the
guided meditation in Chapter 2, they can be used during shadow work.
These tools are efficient in helping you deal with overwhelming emotions
that you might face during shadow work. All these methods are effective,
especially for sensitives. Some of the tools overlap in their benefit to mind,
body, and spirit, but are categorized in this Chapter according to their main
focus.
Some methods of shadow work make use of shadow work journal prompts.
These are confronting questions that prompt you to think about things that
may stress you out. For sensitives, this method is not always effective. It
can cause a heightened sense of unease as these prompts can require you to
be too confronting or get in touch directly with something too painful. In
this book, you won't find this method. Our guided meditation takes a more
gentle approach, especially for sensitives.
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Tools to Heal Your Body
There are several tools you can use for the healing of your body. We will be
focusing on the physical cleansing of negative energy.
Use Mudras
This practice involves using hand gestures to direct energy flow throughout
your body. It is a type of yoga that can help you become more spiritually
aware. One of the most potent mudras is the Abhaya Mudra. You can use
this as a tool if you feel the need for safety, protection, confidence, and
strength. Many use this mudra to protect themselves from negative energy
and harm as well as to reduce anxiety and stress, as it calms the nervous
system. The action involved during this mudra is simple—sit down
comfortably and raise your right hand to shoulder height, letting your palm
face forward.
This same method is seen in Buddhist depictions that are centuries old. The
ancients had a great understanding of energy and how to maintain a calm
nervous system. The great thing is that mudras work for everyone,
regardless of culture or religion, and you can do them anywhere, anytime.
Mudras can come in handy when you feel overwhelmed and have a chance
to take a quick break, such as from a conference or meeting.
Get Moving
We all know that exercise is beneficial to both the mind and the body, yet
too many of us neglect this important practice. Exercising is not only good
for your health but can help uplift your mood. While exercising, endorphins
are released making you feel calm and happy. Also, it helps you feel
energized and relaxed as it flushes the stress hormone out of your body.
There are many different exercises you can try. If you are new to this, try
walking as an exercise. You can start by walking at a normal pace, then, as
you become more fit and accustomed to walking, you can begin to increase
the pace without causing too much impact on your joints, if that is what you
are worried about. Walking can help clear negative emotions and thoughts.
Yoga is another low-impact exercise that works wonders. It helps in
alleviating tension, negativity, and stress. By doing yoga you are
strengthening your core muscles, improving your flexibility, and promoting
your overall well-being. Did you know that on YouTube you can find a lot
of yoga practices specially designed for sensitives?
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Healing for Your Soul
In this section, we’ll be looking at tools you can use to heal your mind.
Your mind should never be neglected. It is the determining factor of how
you will live your life.
Learn to Detach
Have you ever known someone, but your friendship or relationship had run
its course? Your connection no longer serves any purpose. Yet, just as you
start to cut the cord from this person, they contact you. Why does this
happen? They can detect the cord being cut. However, if your relationship
with this person truly serves no purpose, or if this was a person who caused
you harm or weighed you down, cut that cord for good. Don’t pity them or
allow them back into your life. Only allow attachments with those who lift
you up and where relationships have a fulfilling purpose.
Sensitives often sacrifice themselves for the happiness or contentment of
others. We are surprised at how selfish or rude other people can be.
However, I think we often mistake selfishness or rudeness with personal
boundaries. There is no shame in placing a boundary. If you know that a
boundary is required, place it. If you feel bad about it, allow the emotion,
process it, and move on. When these emotions are not processed, they can
end up becoming part of your shadow.
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Can My Spirit Become Sick?
Just like your mind and body, your spirit can be unwell too. In this section,
we’ll be concentrating on tools you can use to heal your spirit. You don’t
need to be a spiritual person for this to be effective. In psychology, the spirit
is often referred to as a person’s core beliefs, attitude, and core identity.
False beliefs, toxic environments, narcissistic family members or friends
(among many other things) can slowly poison your spirit, filling you with
negative energy. Let’s get spiritual!
Miraculous Meditation
As we have seen in Chapter 2, meditation is an essential tool for sensitives.
You can use this method to strengthen your intuition and acquire inner
wisdom. Sensitives need to maintain a calm and healthy mind; meditation
helps you to de-stress and alleviate anxiety, helping to battle the feeling of
becoming overwhelmed. This will also improve your overall mood and
perspective. Meditating frequently can help you disconnect from your
environment, especially if your environment generates negative energy and
stress. Meditation helps your mind to quiet down and opens doors to new
opportunities. Mantra meditation is powerful in that it cleanses your spirit
and revitalizes your energy. It also helps if you feel that energy is blocked
by clearing out these blockages from your chakras. Meditation has a lot of
proven benefits. Currently, between 200 and 500 million people practice
meditation worldwide.
A mantra is a word or phrase that you repeat, either by saying or singing it.
Meditation techniques make use of different mantras. There are countless
options, but the mantra you should be using is one relevant to your life.
Seek out a mantra or mantras that make a difference in your life. Whenever
you speak or sing a mantra, listen to the words and understand their
meaning. Believe in these words. Absorb their energy and in that way, you
empower yourself.
Be Mindfully Kind
As a sensitive, how does it feel when you are kind toward another person or
display an act of kindness? It makes you feel good, doesn’t it? Acts of
kindness can cleanse you from negative energy, filling you with positive
instead. Decide to be kinder through acts such as smiling at strangers,
giving compliments where they are due, giving hugs to those who need
them, holding doors open, and writing notes of inspiration and gratitude for
your friends. But perhaps even more importantly, decide to be kinder to
yourself. You will need this while doing shadow work. Snuff the negative
self-talk and compliment yourself. Treat yourself to a day in the park, a
massage, or a good movie. Realize that you are most deserving of your own
kindness. Did you know that self-hugging is a real and fun thing with
serious benefits? Go on, just try it!
Bells, Chimes, and the Soothing Sound of Water
I’m sure you have heard of feng shui before. Do you make use of feng shui?
You should. Just like mantras, meditation, and mudras, feng shui is an
ancient art developed by the Chinese to improve the flow of energy,
creating harmony between a person and their environment. The words feng
means wind, and shui means water. This means that the elements wind and
water are essential in maintaining a positive flow of energy. The ringing of
bells and wind chimes causes vibrations that help to align energies,
improving the flow of positive energy.
If something left bad energy in your home such as an argument, you can
ring a handheld bell to realign the energy, so the negative energy can flow
out and positive energy flow back in. You can use singing bowls and yoga
chimes to clear and align your chakras and shift energies. Some meditators
like to use music while they are meditating. If you choose to use such
music, it should preferably be instrumental, or with minimal voices. Music
with lyrics can distract you and cause your session to be unsuccessful.
Fountains and water features also have a soothing effect. Have you ever sat
close to a fountain or water feature after a hard day’s work? How did the
sound of the water make you feel? If you haven’t experienced this yet, give
it a try. Don’t just hear the water—listen to it. Feel it. Be fully aware of the
sound it makes. Sound is a powerful way of dealing with energies, as we
will learn in the next chapter.
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Chapter 6:
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The Power of Music
Every great movie has a beautiful and striking original score. Why do
movie producers carefully pick the people who will create and conduct this
music? They know that a good original soundtrack will greatly improve the
quality of the movie. Have you ever thought about the score of your
favorite movies? I suggest that you try an experiment. Try watching your
favorite movie (or at least one of your favorites), but after watching an
action or other dramatic scene, turn down the volume completely and watch
the scene again. Does it have the same feeling? Does it excite you as much
as it did when you could hear the accompanying music? My guess is that it
won’t.
A movie score is carefully orchestrated to fit with every scene. Imagine a
romantic scene where the guy and girl share their first kiss, but the
background music is linked to a chase scene from Terminator. It won’t fit at
all and will confuse your brain completely. Music has the power to create
any mood the film producers want. That is just the power of music—it is a
universal language that can turn your emotions in an instant. Many people,
when they have their hearts broken, listen to songs about break-ups and lost
love. Those who have just fallen in love will listen to appropriate love
songs. Why? Because people have been using music as a way to change
their moods for centuries, if not millennia.
Sensitives are drawn to music. With some music, we as sensitives can truly
feel the heart and emotions of the composer while we listen to their work. I
often feel like I’m finding hidden messages in some types of music. Such
music can often bring me to tears as I marvel at its beauty. And I have to
admit that it sometimes frustrates me when another person listens to this
music, and it does nothing for them. For a sensitive, this can be both a
blessing and a burden. We see and hear things non-sensitives don’t. Still, I
feel that any person can receive the fullness of bliss that comes with good
music. If your heart is open, it can receive. Music can reach deep where the
spoken word cannot.
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Dive Into Dancing
While soothing music is required (at least for most people) to calm their
minds and relax their bodies, we can release negative energy through
dancing, which requires music that excites and invigorates. Shadow work
often deals with unwanted emotional baggage, things that we hold on to that
are of no benefit to us, such as false beliefs, fears, trauma, and bad habits.
This emotional baggage only accumulates as we go through life if we have
no way of getting rid of it. It does not only affect us mentally, but physically
as well. We are in danger of falling into a loop, or a downward detrimental
spiral, as being physically stagnant leads to a stagnant state of mind, and
having a stagnant state of mind can lead to being physically stagnant. Why?
Because being stagnant causes blockages in the flow of energy.
To get rid of emotional baggage, you need an effective tool. Movement is a
perfect tool to achieve emotional freedom. It is near impossible to force
yourself mentally to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions. This is why
movement is the perfect tool.
While several meditations use movement, you can rid yourself of negative
energy through dancing. No rituals, lessons, or professionality is required.
All you need is a body and music—and of course, the will to get rid of
negative energy. As your movements will be based on your intuition, you
don’t need to worry about how you move or how good you look while
you’re dancing.
Do Another Assessment
Take a moment to think about how you feel, physically and mentally. Don’t
think about what you have written before you have started. Focus on how
you are feeling now, right after your session of dancing. Do you notice any
changes? Write down how you feel on the next page of your dance journal.
Now, compare your entries. What did five minutes of dancing do for you?
It is such a simple practice, yet so effective. For optimal results, you should
make a habit of dancing every day. If you can’t for whatever reason, try
dancing when you feel irritable and negative. The moment you feel a
blockage in your flow of energy, turn on the music and start moving.
Get Ecstatic
Ecstatic dancing is the method described before in this section. It is dancing
without thinking, allowing your body to guide you. Though dancing has
been present since ancient times across the world, it is used mostly for
entertainment today. Who would have thought that dancing can help with
ailments and even make shadow work less challenging? Now that we know,
there’s no stopping our groovy moves!
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Essential Oils
Similar to sound, other senses can also be used to change your mood. The
sense of smell is an effective tool for mood enhancement. For years, real
estate agents have been using the trick of placing freshly baked cookies in
the kitchen whenever they have an open house. Movie cinemas use both
colors and smell to attract people and entice them into buying snacks and
drinks. What is the first thing you smell as you enter the cinema? What else
other than popcorn? Some people who don’t want to spend more money
will either eat something before going to watch a movie or opt for
something cheap. However, just as many people give in to the smell of fresh
popcorn and end up buying it anyway. Chances are they’ll buy even more
snacks.
Or what about when you go to your grandmother’s house and you smell her
cooking? How does it make you feel? I can even mention the smell of rain,
or the tilled earth just after the rain. There are so many examples of how
smell can change anyone’s mood. In this section, we’ll be talking about
essential oils—an essential part of healing during shadow work.
Fearing disapproval can cause you to seek approval from any possible
source. This can lead to you becoming a slave to a narcissist or
manipulative person. You can completely lose your own identity in an effort
to please others, simply for their approval. You can fend off the fear of
disapproval by using essential oils such as chamomile, grapefruit,
sandalwood, and bergamot.
Unworthiness
Feeling unworthy can cause us to miss out on many opportunities, as we
feel we are not worthy of unexpected chances or new possibilities. You can
combat feelings of unworthiness with the aromas of patchouli, jasmine,
ylang-ylang, and rose geranium.
Helplessness
Having a fear of not being in control can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.
An overwhelming and prolonged feeling of helplessness—that there is
nothing that can be done to help the situation—can easily lead to an anxiety
disorder. You can take back control of your life and fight this fear by using
aromas such as myrrh, frankincense, geranium, and rose.
As you can see, there is a myriad of essential oils and aromas that can be
used for healing, relaxation, and many other purposes. Oils can be diluted
and used as an ointment, you can disperse the aromas with an essential oil
burner, or you can place a few drops in your bathtub. These oils are simple
to use, effective, and smell great!
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Chapter 7:
In this chapter, we will look at more tools you can use to ease stress,
especially in times of shadow work. We’ll be looking at how you can
ground yourself and improve stability, how you can use the emotional
freedom technique and the benefits of massage therapy. Perhaps one of the
most powerful ways to experience nature is by bathing in her beauty.
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Healing Through Nature
By grounding yourself you connect with the Earth and can then benefit
from this connection’s healing properties. If you are a sensitive, you
probably feel drawn to nature. You are more aware of its beauty and
revitalizing quality, as spending time in a place such as a forest can help in
calming your mind and body, and promote healing.
Sensitives are drawn to nature, such as forests and parks, as these beautiful
and tranquil places help ground us and give us our much-needed peace. The
Japanese created a term for spending time in the forest for the purpose of
healing and finding tranquility—shinrin-yoku, which means “taking in the
forest atmosphere,” or simply put, “forest bathing.” Forest bathing helps us
as sensitives to process, manage, and discard emotional baggage.
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Nature and Her Desire to Help Us
You are certainly already aware that spending time in nature is beneficial. If
you have never truly spent time among the trees, now is a good time to
start. You’ll have a chance to escape from the demands and pressure of your
daily life. You will have to search far and wide to find a more peaceful
place than nature. Just walking alongside trees can restore tranquility in
your heart. Spending just five minutes between trees or in other green
spaces can boost your physical and mental well-being. I found this so
wonderful and inspiring that I became a guide myself. I've learned about
forest bathing techniques and nature connectedness skills to promote
mindfulness in nature. Some benefits of spending time in forests and among
trees are:
● improving your mood
● an increase in positive energy levels
● combat high blood pressure
● acceleration of recovery after surgery or during an illness
● reduced levels of stress
● improving your quality of sleep
● boosting your immune system
● an increase in the ability to concentrate
Plants and trees produce chemicals called phytoncides which help the plants
fight off insects and bad bacteria. It also has antifungal properties. These
compounds become airborne, which means we breathe it in while we spend
time in the forest. This activates our bodies to produce white blood cells
called natural killer (NK) cells. This type of white blood cell attacks and
kills virus-infected and tumorous cells if they are present in our bodies.
Miraculous, isn’t it? Nature is gentle and tranquil, yet works hard to heal us.
Just looking at trees while spending time among them improves your mood,
reduces stress, and lowers your blood pressure. As stress negatively impacts
your immune system, looking at trees will not only reduce anger, fatigue,
depression, confusion, and anxiety but will also improve your body’s ability
to heal. If you happen to live in an urban area, don’t worry. Just look around
your neighborhood. You should find a green space somewhere close by,
such as a park. Perhaps it won’t be as impactful as strolling in the forest, but
it will still bring about a big positive change to your health.
It may be that you have to juggle a hundred tasks a day with a multitude of
things demanding your attention and focus—your job, kids, partner, car,
house, and more. Being in the forest and observing the birds, plants, water,
and just the overall beauty of nature will give the cognitive part of your
brain a much-needed break, which will recharge you mentally and restore
your focus.
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Emotional Freedom Technique
Sensitives are called sensitives for a good reason: We are sensitive to
everything and everyone. Our emotions can run wild and often get mixed
with the emotions of others. We don’t only live our own experiences, but
often also the experiences of others. Emotional freedom technique, or EFT
tapping, is the perfect way to deal with this. It is an alternative method for
treating emotional distress and physical pain. It is also known as
psychological acupressure. This method involves tapping the body to
restore the balance of energy, reduce pain, and deal with difficult emotions.
Although around 20% of people are sensitive, it can be hard to find another
sensitive who truly understands you. Larry was the first other sensitive I
ever met, for which I am grateful, as we understand each other, at least most
of the time. Many non-sensitives such as family members, friends, and
colleagues don’t understand or appreciate what it means to be a sensitive.
They will often say things like, “Why are you upset? I don’t understand why
you are acting this way, Can’t you just get over it? or It really wasn’t that
bad.” Do some of these phrases sound familiar?
It is frustrating to see other people, including those who belittle your
sensitivity, seem so lighthearted, happy, and confident all the time. It makes
us as sensitives wonder if these people ever have to deal with emotional
baggage. Mostly, it doesn’t seem that way. Sensitives can be angered or
become agitated easily sometimes. It’s not our fault. However, please don’t
think I’m giving all sensitives the green light for behaving rudely. Besides,
sensitives are kind, caring, and considerate people.
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Finding Release Through Massage Therapy
Sensitives are primarily “givers” rather than “takers.” We love to spoil other
people and treat them with gifts and kind gestures, but often struggle to
receive favors in return. But, we should also be treated kindly and gently
and we owe it to ourselves to do so. Massage therapy can greatly improve
your shadow work experience.
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Hi, I’m Your Shadow; Nice to Meet You
Get ready to say “hello” to your little friend; in this section, we’ll be
looking at the importance of grounding when practicing shadow work.
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The Big Finale
In this section, with your knowledge and tools in place, you’ll find some
suggested steps into the dark and adventurous practice of shadow work.
Next, try to categorize all of the things you don’t like, such as love, body,
and emotions. Don’t worry about how many categories there should be. It is
completely up to you. Next, determine how strong their presence is in your
life. Give them a rating between one and ten.
Your shadow is not a separate part of you. It is part of who you are. There is
no changing that. Just as you accept and love all that is good about you, you
should do the same for your shadow. Your experiences and pain brought
your shadow to life. When you have unconditional love for your shadow,
you will have a love for yourself and those around you. Look upon your
shadow with kindness and mercy, like a loving parent would look at their
imperfect child.
Keep in mind that you may have to do shadow work several times before
you find the healing you desire. Making peace with another person doesn’t
just fix things instantly. It is the same with your shadow. Living with your
shadow is an adjustment that can be challenging at times.
When you have identified your shadow, you can now live in acceptance.
Remember that there is a difference between identifying your shadow and
identifying with your shadow. Although your shadow is part of who you
are, you are not your shadow. Some aspects of your shadow cannot change,
but you can still manage these traits and stop reacting whenever they are
triggered.
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Conclusion
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References
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