Dance With Your Darkness

Shadow Work Guide for Highly Sensitives and Other

Powerful Tools to Ease Stress

Ramon Stalenhoef

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Table of Contents

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER 1: HIGHLY SENSITIVES AND EMPATHS

What Are Sensitives and Empaths?

Sensitives
Highly Sensitives
Empaths
Am I an Empath, Sensitive, or Highly Sensitive?
How Does It Feel to Be an Empath?
How Does It Feel to Be a Sensitive or Highly Sensitive Person?
Science, Meditation, and Shadow Work
The Science of Sensitives
Coping With Being a Sensitive
Sensitives and Shadow Work

CHAPTER 2: BRING YOUR SHADOW OUT OF HIDING

Being Gentle With Your Shadow

Why You Need to Meditate
Calm Your Overloaded Mind
Bring Your Shadow Self Into the Light
A Dance With Your Shadow
Meditation Transcript

CHAPTER 3: THE VULNERABILITY OF HIGHLY SENSITIVES

Understanding Energy
Why Are You So Vulnerable to Illness?
Your Health Is Important Too

CHAPTER 4: THE POWER OF THE PSYCHE

Are You Being Programmed?

The Impact of Your Mindset
Positive
 Negative
Growth
Fixed
Optimistic
Pessimistic
Realistic
Unrealistic
Finding Mindsets
Reprogramming Your Mind

CHAPTER 5: FIRST-AID FOR YOUR SOUL

Tools to Heal Your Body

Wash Away the Stress
Use Mudras
Get Moving
The Therapy in Smiling
Eat Well, Be Well
Crystals—It’s Not Magic, It’s Science!
Healing for Your Soul
Breathe In, Breathe Out
Learn to Detach
Smoke-Out Your Blues
Can My Spirit Become Sick?
Purifying Your Aura
Miraculous Meditation
Develop an Attitude of Gratitude
Be Mindfully Kind
Bells, Chimes, and the Soothing Sound of Water

CHAPTER 6: USING SOUND AND SMELL

The Power of Music

Does Music Have the Ability to Heal?
Dive Into Dancing
Assess Yourself Mentally and Physically
Pick Your Groove to Move
This Sensitive’s on Fire!
 Slave to the Music
Go Wild for Five Minutes
Be Mindful of Your Body
Do Another Assessment
Get Ecstatic
The Story of Petra Biro
Essential Oils
Soothing Your Soul During Shadow Work

CHAPTER 7: MORE TOOLS TO EASE STRESS

Healing Through Nature

Nature and Her Desire to Help Us
Benefits of Forest Bathing
Emotional Freedom Technique
How to Practice EFT Tapping
Finding Release Through Massage Therapy
How Massage Therapy Improves Shadow Work
Hi, I’m Your Shadow; Nice to Meet You
Grounding Yourself—An Essential Embodiment Practice
Grounded Meditation for Shadow Work
Why Grounding Is So Powerful
The Big Finale
Dedicate Time and Space
Shining a Spotlight on Your Shadow
Accept That Your Shadow Is a Part of You
Living With All That You Are

CONCLUSION

REFERENCES

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Introduction

I’ve known Larry for many years. He once told me that as a child, he was
bullied mercilessly—the other kids made fun of his sensitivity. Parties were
a nightmare to him. While other kids were having a blast, he would soon
separate himself from the rest, spending time alone wherever he could find
a place to hide. He became overwhelmed with emotions. All the excitement
just was too much to bear. Larry didn’t understand why he was so different.
Even his parents didn’t understand. His father tried to use tough love to
make him more resilient, but to no avail. It only made Larry feel worse.
Adults liked Larry a lot. He could hold a fluent conversation even when he
was only five years old. People said that he had an “old soul,” a term used
to describe someone wise beyond their years. As Larry grew older, he
decided to do research—an effort to discover what was wrong with him.
But rather than discover that something was wrong, he learned that he was
an empath. Still, Larry did not have many friends. Even in high school, he
had only one friend.
People were both amazed and afraid because of what he could do. It was as
if he could read people’s minds. It seemed like he could talk to animals and
understand them. Some people accused Larry of being a warlock, even
some family members! But as this isn’t a fantasy novel, that was not the
case. His attunement to emotion gave him the ability to tell if someone was
hurting, whether mentally or physically. He experienced other people’s pain
and agony in ways unimaginable—that’s why he avoided crowds and
parties. Although people would be laughing and having a great time, many
of them had hurt in their hearts. Larry could feel this, and for some time,
didn’t understand what he was experiencing.
As an adult, he still doesn’t have many friends. Although people like him,
they are often too afraid that he may know their secrets. But that’s not how
being an empath works. An empath often detects intentions, bad emotions,
or pain, but is not a mind-reader. As I am a highly sensitive person myself,
Larry and I had an instant connection when we met. Considering my
experience helping other people in similar situations, I showed Larry how
to understand that what he had was not a curse, but a gift. Since I
understood full well how difficult it can be to deal with being a sensitive, I
have guided many other sensitives to become more accepting of their gifts
and how to use them. Today, Larry is using his gift to help others.
In my opinion, there should be more awareness of highly sensitives and
empaths. Parents don’t always understand what their children are going
through, often criticizing their sensitivity instead of celebrating it. My guess
is that since you have picked this book, you are a highly sensitive or empath
too. What was your childhood like? What is life like for you at the moment?
Do you also find it to be a struggle?
The truth is that all people have a degree of sensitivity. We must all learn to
live with it and embrace it, as it can be of great benefit to us and society.
But just as we all have sensitivity, all of us also have a dark side—our
“shadow self”—which we try to hide from the rest of the world and
ourselves. Some things are just too difficult to deal with, right? We hide this
side of ourselves so no one will ever see it, . maybe we even hope that it
will just go away. It’s just that, hope as we may, it won’t. Your shadow self
will not just disappear, and nor should it!
This book, Dance With Your Darkness, is meant to help you understand
your gifts as an empath or highly sensitive person, but more than that, to
also understand your shadow self and what part it plays in your life. I will
be on this journey with you, guiding you to acceptance and embracing your
dark side.
A lonely prisoner will eventually become depressed, making their situation
worse. Instead, I will teach you how you can accept this “prisoner,” calm
them down, find healing, and live a normal and happy life. That is what
shadow work is about: turning the oppressed and neglected self into your
loyal friend.
Why is it so important to accept your shadow self? First of all, it is a part of
you that will not change. When you realize that someone wants to change
the person you are, how do you feel? It doesn’t feel good, right? In the same
way, you have to accept yourself for all there is. Some people may even be
shocked at the idea of themselves having a dark side, but it is part of who
we all are. It is primal and instinctive, instilled into our being while our
ancestors still roamed the Earth, for the main purpose of self-preservation.
Secondly, we all must embrace our dark side as it can interfere with our
healing processes if we don’t. A lot of hurt, trauma, and painful memories
are woven into the fabric of our shadow selves. If we keep pushing it aside,
it will never see the light and thereby never be healed. We can try to ignore
our shadow selves, but we feel them. They are indeed part of us, so much
so, that we can feel the hurt our shadow self is experiencing. If we want
complete healing, our complete identity must be revealed. In this way, our
joy may be full.
However, this idea in itself is frightening to many people. These people fear
that when they allow themselves to experience healing and true joy,
something unexpected will happen to rip their joy away. This is in itself a
very painful experience. To avoid disappointment, many choose to live
without joy. They live in a way that they don’t get too happy about things,
nor too disappointed or upset. But this way of life is not ideal.
By only looking in front of yourself, not only do you miss out on the
majesty of life’s mountain tops, but also on the simple beauty of the flowers
growing next to the footpath where you’re walking. This means that the
person does not lead a fulfilling life—if it can be called life at all. There is a
huge difference between existing and living. To be truly alive, we must be
able to take it all in, embracing both the good and the bad as polar
opposites, yet an undeniable truth that is in all our being.
To see the light we must first acknowledge that we are in the dark. –
Dominic Rouse
For the sake of flow, I will be referring to empaths, sensitives, and highly
sensitives only as sensitives. For sensitives, inner healing can also be more
challenging, as they often criticize themselves easily. While they tend to be
kind and forgiving toward others, they can often be harsh toward
themselves, expecting nothing but perfection. This is an issue that should be
addressed, as all sensitives need to understand it is not in human nature to
be perfect. We must embrace our flaws. We must dance with our shadows,
carefully planning each step, moving into the flow of our experiences and
feelings to make it beautiful.
In this book, you will learn about sensitives, empaths, and highly sensitive
people, their similarities and differences, and what this means when it
comes to shadow work. Some people (like Larry) do not know that they are
sensitives. As I said, we all do have a degree of sensitivity, but for some, the
sensitivity weighs more. We will also talk about accepting your shadow
self. We will discuss the importance of meditation, where I will provide you
with guided meditation, all to give you the opportunity to meet with your
shadow self.
We will then examine the link between being a sensitive and being
vulnerable to illness. Energy is not some mystic mumbo jumbo, but a
scientific reality that influences our lives daily. We will then talk about the
importance of your mindset, and how your mind may need reprogramming
for the healing to start. We will then take a look at various tips, tricks, and
tools you can use for shadow work and complete healing.
If you feel stuck or find that you are judging yourself for lacking the ability
to move forward or to heal, this book is for you. You will learn to not only
be kind to your side that is always in the sun but your shadow self as well.
Your dark side does not need to be something that is feared. It can become
an ally, something that can empower you and help you on your journey
forward, even helping others along the way.
As a father of two children (a boy, 11, and a girl, 14), I have had my fair
share of doubts and fear that some aspects of my shadow self will one day
present in them. But that’s precisely why I am doing the work now, to
understand—and share—how to use my shadow to better myself and the
world around me.
I know the anxiety that comes with your shadow self all too well. As I am a
highly sensitive person myself, I understand the process of healing and
working with the shadow self. I am writing this book for you, as I want to
help you become more aware and accepting of both your sensitive nature
and your darker side. This will empower you to begin healing yourself,
physically, mentally, and spiritually. My hope is that you will be inspired to
honor your shadow self, instead of trying to hide it in shame.
I may not know you personally, but still, I want you to become the best
version of yourself. Everything you will learn in this book I had to learn
myself. It has always been precious to me; a treasure that brought me life in
abundance, and I don’t want to keep it a secret when it can help other
sensitives. I am passionate about your well-being simply because where you
are now, I once was. Shadow work and healing did miracles in my life, and
I want the same for you.
Perhaps you are not sure whether or not you are a sensitive. If that is the
case, don’t fret. We’ll dive right into it.

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Chapter 1:

Highly Sensitives and Empaths

The term shadow work can easily create the wrong impression. Some
people’s minds immediately go to dark and sinister things, such as dark
spiritual practices. Some may think that it involves the more malevolent
parts within ourselves. This is not the case. Let’s talk about what shadow
work truly is.
We are all born into dependence. The perspective of the family we are born
into will determine what we learn growing up—what we think is acceptable
or not. This means that growing up in a broken home can teach a child that
dangerous or malicious behavior is acceptable. Everything we are that is
viewed as unacceptable by our families is quickly handled and attempts are
made at eradicating these traits or behaviors. For the sake of acceptance and
survival, we do anything from a young age to suppress these characteristics
or behaviors.
Many young people begin to exaggerate behaviors that are approved of to
ensure acceptance. Very soon, the aspects that are disapproved of and
suppressed are buried in the subconscious mind, while the acceptable
behaviors remain in the conscious mind. This may sound like a good idea to
some, but it is in fact a person rejecting themself. That also means that we
all have parts of ourselves that we are both aware of and unaware of.
Some liken consciousness to our light, as it is something that is open and
can easily be observed; while things that are hidden in the subconscious are
referred to as our shadow. This means that any characteristics, aspects, or
behaviors that are not familiar or seen in the light of consciousness, are part
of the human shadow, or shadow self. This means that the shadow refers to
anything we deny, reject, and perceive as negative. However, our shadow
selves do not only contain negative things. There may be many positive
things, such as talents, hidden in the shadow.
People who struggle with low self-esteem tend to hide positive aspects of
themselves in their shadow self. Let’s take Larry, for example. He always
thought that there was something wrong with him, only because he was
sensitive to other people’s emotions. Why? Because his family did not
understand it, continually tried to force him to reject that ability. But instead
of fixing what was wrong with him, it only led to Larry rejecting a part of
himself. Today, he understands that experiencing other people’s emotions
can be a wonderful thing and serve as a beautiful tool to help people in
need.
Larry’s sensitivity became a part of his shadow. Was this a good thing? I
don’t think it was. Because of this, he needlessly suffered years of torment
and questioning. If only his family did some research to try and understand
his gift, rather than try and rip it out of him by using shame and
punishment, things would have been a lot different for Larry. Although he is
doing better now, years of rejection, misunderstanding, and emotional abuse
left their marks. While a person may heal completely, some scars remain.
Other examples may be little boys who are interested in ballet, or playing
the piano, perhaps little girls who are interested in guns or cars, but their
families say no. In itself, there’s nothing wrong with talent and interest, but
families do determine what is kept in the conscious and the subconscious—
the light and the shadow.
How do negative aspects end up in the shadow? Let’s say, for example, Pete
was a jealous little boy, since he was a toddler. He never liked to share toys
or the attention of his parents. When he was a bit older, his parents had a
new little boy, Matt. Pete did not like the idea, as the baby now took all of
his parents’ attention. As Matt turned a bit older, Pete did not want to share
toys with him and would use devious schemes to grab his parents’ attention
away from Matt.
Of course, his parents realized this, regularly punishing Pete for his entitled
behavior. They would tell him that it was bad and unacceptable. For fear of
losing his parents’ love completely (which would not happen easily,
though) he chose to bury his own jealousy and force himself to be kinder.
Eventually, his role-playing became reality as he became truly kind to his
younger brother. What happened with the jealousy? Did it disappear? No, it
didn’t. It became part of his shadow. The jealous behavior was forced from
the conscious to the subconscious.
The problem is that today he may be exerting his jealousy in passive-
aggressive ways, perhaps unintentionally hurting those around him. Think
about it—instead of just remembering that he was jealous as a child,
shouldn’t we also wonder why he was jealous? Could there have been a
reason for it? Perhaps something traumatic happened and it triggered his
jealousy. This is why shadow work is important. Even though jealousy in
itself can be unnecessary or even ugly, it needs to come to light for healing
to start.
Everything we suppress does not simply disappear; it resides in the
subconscious. This is the reason we often do things we don’t understand.
We think to ourselves: Why did I talk that way? Why was I so rude just
now? Why do I feel like crying every night? These unexplained actions have
their roots in our shadow selves.

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What Are Sensitives and Empaths?
Sensitive people are divided into three groups: sensitives, highly sensitives,
and empaths. Some may view them as being the same, but there are some
differences.

Sensitives
Sensitives are more attuned to their senses than non-sensitives. Many
people believe that they have a sixth sense, as sensitives are able to detect
subtle things others can’t. While some sensitives view this as a gift, others
find that it creates inner disruption, which can lead to minor or major issues.
Minor issues may include becoming distracted or sometimes seeming to be
too straightforward. Major issues may include sensitives choosing to avoid
crowded places, sometimes confusing others’ negative emotions as their
own, or having to deal with anxiety. Other sensitives also have to deal with
attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), some registering on the
Autism spectrum. Their biggest difficulty would be being misunderstood.
Growing up as a sensitive is not always easy, especially when their families
do not understand why they are acting in certain ways. This causes many
sensitives to grow up feeling lonely and often rejected. They love spending
time with animals and in nature. People have called sensitives “old souls,”
as they often have wisdom that is far beyond their years. Sensitives tend to
be right-brained people, giving them artistic and creative abilities. They are
normally smart and deep thinkers, some being quite philosophical.
If there is a mismatch between their style of learning and the system being
used, either in school or at work, they may seem to be unsuccessful or
unmotivated. That is only because their brains function differently. A
sensitive’s brain needs different stimulation and techniques to learn. Even
as young children, sensitives often know what is wrong in the world, with
things such as institutions and relationships. As they are powerless to
change things, it adds to their frustration. Furthermore, they have this full
awareness of how things should be, yet as children, they are still too young
to truly handle this flood of emotions and thoughts.
They like to talk about things other people or children don’t like, which can
cause agitation with their peers and some adults. Some may view them as
“know-it-alls” and dismiss their thoughts and feelings. This is why
sensitives are often alone, even as children.

Highly Sensitives
Highly sensitives share all of the aspects mentioned in the section above.
But a highly sensitive person (HSP) experiences everything a lot more on
the sensitivity scale, such as social, emotional, and physical stimuli. Some
people are derogatory against highly sensitives and may accuse them of
being melodramatic. In turn, these accusers may seem to be too
inconsiderate to a highly sensitive person. Understand that being an HSP
does not mean that you have a psychological condition. You simply have
heightened responsiveness to both positive and negative influences. It is a
rare gift that you should treasure and use for the benefit of society.
An HSP often feels the need to flee from everyone and everything, even if it
means spending some time alone in a dark corner, especially after having a
hard day or week. It is also easy for them to feel like they are experiencing
a sensory overload, such as with clothes that don’t fit right, bright lights, or
big crowds. They are easily and deeply moved when they see something
beautiful, such as in a commercial, movie, nature, art, or another person.
Their thoughts and emotions are often rich and complex, which adds to
them being misunderstood.
Some highly sensitives struggle to watch violent movies or television
shows. They get upset easily when they witness suffering and pain, even if
it is make-believe involving either people or animals. An HSP will also
often be regarded as being kind and wise, with people always coming to
them for advice or comfort.
Highly sensitive people are not so common, making up about 20% of the
general population. Unfortunately, many societies choose not to build
around highly sensitives, but rather those less sensitive. This is likely to
prevent unnecessary issues in the future. Highly sensitive people ask too
many questions and like to get things right. Most people choose the easy
way of doing things, disregarding deeper thoughts, insights, and wisdom
(Scott, 2020).

Empaths
Empaths are right at the top of the sensitivity scale. They are highly tuned
into the emotions of people around them, some even experiencing the
emotions and physical pain of loved ones miles away. While empaths don’t
always try to avoid crowds, many people around them can make them feel
very uncomfortable. They are often accused of being too sensitive. The life
of an empath is like living on a seesaw as they absorb all the feelings of the
world—both joys and anxieties.
Doctor Judith Orloff states that empaths lack the filter non-sensitive people
have, and as such cannot avoid taking in all of the emotions and pains of
people, both loved ones and strangers. According to Kim Egel, a therapist,
“empaths have a higher sensitivity to outside stimuli such as sounds, big
personalities, and hectic environments. They bring a lot of heart and care to
the world and feel things very deeply” (Raypole, 2019).
Empaths can tune in to the emotions or energies of people, places, or
animals. Those who are spiritual claim to be sensitive both to things in the
seen and the unseen worlds. They are very good at communicating and
quickly understand another person’s feelings or opinions just by observing
their tone, body language, movements, and both the words people use and
don’t use. They are also quick to realize other people’s unspoken
perceptions and other energies that may reside within these people.
Larry, as an empath, experienced his sister-in-law’s morning sickness and
cravings before she even knew she was pregnant! He thought that he must
have had some kind of stomach ailment, but when he discovered she was
pregnant, it all made sense to him. The way he would describe the morning
sickness is exactly the same as it would be with a pregnant lady. It has also
happened that, while we were talking, he would suddenly say something
like “I have to call my mother.” I would ask “Why? Did she ask you to?”
He would then reply “No, but I know she needs me to.” He would then call
her, only to find out that either something bad has happened or that she was
feeling emotionally down.
We once visited some friends of mine when Larry became unexplainably ill.
It was so sudden, we all were shocked. It then turned out that the lady we
visited had a son who was ill. Larry had all of his symptoms. I do not know
if it is true for all empaths, but many times when Larry was experiencing
someone else’s pain, morning sickness, or whatever it was, people would
say that they started to feel better once Larry shared it with them. It is as if
he is helping them carry the load of their affliction. These are only some
examples of his gifts.

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Am I an Empath, Sensitive, or Highly Sensitive?
It may be that you can identify with many things we have discussed up to
this point, but you may now be wondering: “Am I a sensitive, HSP, or
empath?”
Let’s figure out together to which group you belong. Some people use the
terms interchangeably, but in truth, they shouldn’t. There is a difference
between the three sensitive types. Some think that sensitive people are all
meant to have miserable lives for the sake of those around them. This is not
accurate at all. Take Larry, for example. Despite all the emotions and
feelings he has to endure, he lives a very happy life. Sensitives simply
require different things to be happy and fulfilled.
It is possible that you are an HSP and not an empath, or vice versa. The key
to understanding the difference lies in the way you experience the world.
An HSP experiences stimuli in an amplified manner. This causes an HSP to
overthink most things and intensely process all the information they
receive. Empaths, on the other hand, are more sensitive to energy. They
absorb the energy of people, places, animals, and sometimes objects. An
empath is more likely to be spiritual than an HSP.
A similarity between an HSP and an empath is that both can be negatively
influenced by their experiences. This is why they need to be trained on how
to cope with everything around them to avoid needless suffering.

How Does It Feel to Be an Empath?

People who struggle with emotional baggage or pain see empaths like ships
would see a lighthouse. They instantly feel safe in the presence of an
empath, even if they are strangers. Empaths often find people approaching
them for advice, guidance, or just when they need someone who would
listen to them. These can be people known to the empath or someone they
just met in a store or at the bus stop. I believe that all people have internal
energy. All our energies are constantly reading one another. This is how
strangers know that they can trust an empath, or just know that this person
will listen to them without condemnation or judgment.
Strangers often share their life stories or, surprisingly, secrets—even when
the empath is a complete stranger. The empath may not even directly speak
with them.
It seems that people use empaths like pitstops to get rid of their heavy load,
recharge their souls, and then leave again without thinking about the
empaths who helped them. Empaths often know when people are being
truthful. They are quick to realize when a person is lying or trying to
deceive them or someone else. Sometimes the empath would just have a
feeling that something is not right with a person without being able to
pinpoint what makes them uncomfortable with the person.
The energy from other people that is absorbed by empaths is similar to a
sponge absorbing water—it temporarily becomes part of the empath. Some
empaths have difficulty understanding whether they are expressing their
own emotions, or projecting the emotions of another person. Places can
contain emotions and energies that were left by a person. These energies
and emotions can easily be picked up by an empath.

How Does It Feel to Be a Sensitive or Highly Sensitive Person?

Empaths share in all the traits found in an HSP, such as becoming easily
overwhelmed by outside stimuli, needing time to be isolated, feeling
uncomfortable in crowded places, and being sensitive to smell, sound, and
light. It takes longer for all sensitives to destress after a long and demanding
day, as it takes some time for their minds and bodies to release all of the
stress accumulated during the day. Empaths also have a love for people,
animals, and nature, rich and deep thinking, and peaceful environments.
While highly sensitives are typically introverts, empaths can be both
introverts or extroverts, although the majority of empaths identify as being
introverted.
Sensitives or HSPs do not sense energy from others. While they are in tune
with others' emotions, they do not absorb these energies. This means that an
HSP would experience the emotion of another person without confusing it
with their own. Unlike empaths, highly sensitives also do not absorb energy
from the places they visit. An HSP isn’t necessarily intuitive and spiritual,
as it is with empaths.
It can happen, though, that a person can be an HSP and an empath.
Although it is rare, it does occur. Are you able to place yourself now? Are
you a sensitive, highly sensitive, or an empath? Do you view your abilities
as a burden or a blessing? What can you do to help yourself change your
perspective, if necessary?

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Science, Meditation, and Shadow Work
The reason people resist shadow work is that it deals with aspects that they
have suppressed into their subconscious, which are things that are hard to
acknowledge. It is admitting that you have a weakness, which some people
find too hard to do. You have to directly deal with an aspect of yourself that
you have rejected, all for the sake of being accepted and loved. The pain
associated with the rejection may surface every time you deal with it
through shadow work. Your brain will react by trying to save you from pain
—as you feel like you are facing rejection and punishment all over again; as
if you are that little kid who had to deal with it before. For shadow work to
be a success, you must first accept and love yourself completely for all you
are. Honor yourself, both the light and the shadow, while also honoring
being a sensitive.

The Science of Sensitives

Sensitives can become easily overwhelmed by their environment. This is
because their physical brain is wired differently from those who are not
classified as sensitives. According to studies a sensitive’s brain displays
biological differences from those of others. It appears that perception and
experience in people who have higher sensitivity are determined by both
their physical sensory processing, as well as emotional processing.
The studies show that those with higher sensory processing sensitivity have
biological differences in the Adrenoceptor Alpha 2B (ADRA2B)
norepinephrine-related gene variant, the serotonin transporter 5-HTTLPR
short or short genotype, and polymorphisms in dopamine neurotransmitter
genes. In simpler terms, this means that being a sensitive is not a mental
health issue, but something that defines a person, for example, if you have
red or brown hair, blue or green eyes, or if you are short or tall. The
sensitive cannot help being the way they are and it is not a skill that can be
acquired. A study that was published in the Journal of Neuroscience led by
Rebecca Todd in 2014, showed that a sensitive’s perception of positive and
negative images was more vivid than that of other people.
The parts of the brain that are responsible for evaluating whether something
is a pleasure or a threat and for regulating emotions were more active with
sensitives. This is because the neurotransmitter norepinephrine is influenced
by ADRA2B (ScarletScarlet, 2020). As dopamine is your brain’s way of
rewarding you when you have behaved in a certain way or did something
your brain wants you to repeat, your brain will likely secrete more
dopamine when you do things differently, such as spending time alone. In
this way, your brain is using dopamine to protect you, rewarding you for
avoiding situations that could be overwhelming. As such, sensitives are not
drawn to external rewards like other people are.
“Mirror neurons” are used to determine the motive or mood of another
person or to predict their actions. While you are observing another person,
your mirror neurons are used to compare the person’s behavior to when
your own behavior was similar. In this way, your mirror neurons are trying
to uncover why this person is acting in a certain way by mentally placing
you in that person’s shoes. While all people have mirror neurons, they are
more active in the brains of sensitives. This is why it is so easy for a
sensitive to pick up whether someone has good or bad intentions.
The parts of the brain that process sensory data and regulate emotions and
values are all connected to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). In
sensitives, this part of the brain is more active, which means that sensitives
experience emotions more intensely. It is not about a more intense outside
experience in this regard but has to do with more vivid processing of
emotions within the mind of the sensitive.

Coping With Being a Sensitive

Due to becoming easily overwhelmed, many find that being sensitive is
rather challenging.
How can you cope with being a sensitive? Think about all that makes being
a sensitive a gift instead of a burden. Decide to be grateful for your abilities
and to honor and respect yourself for being such a wonderfully unique and
rare individual.
Sensitives seem to mostly know how to use their words, and when to use
them. They often carefully consider when to engage in a conversation and
when to avoid it. Sensitives care deeply about others, many viewing
themselves as healers. Many sensitives find it easy to solve problems as
they can piece things together to view them as a whole. Most sensitives are
creative, with careers or interests in music, telling stories, writing, and
acting.
Sensitives are often visionaries, carefully determining the consequences of
their actions, and whether they would be beneficial to society and the planet
in the long run. Because sensitives love to analyze and inspect everything
from every corner, they are able to make great decisions, which makes them
efficient leaders. Sensitives often come to deep realizations and wisdom
that they love to share with others, enriching the lives of those around them.
How often do you feel urged to share newfound wisdom and insights with
others? How do you feel when you witness your insight improving the lives
of others?

Sensitives and Shadow Work

Because you have suppressed rejected aspects of yourself into your shadow
self, you will feel that these aspects only cause embarrassment and are
worthy of rejection. This is why you would not want these aspects to
surface. However, when certain things happen in our lives, aspects in our
shadow may trigger unwanted behaviors and emotions. For this reason,
shadow work requires full self-acceptance, self-love, courage, guidance,
and self-awareness to face your shadow self and deal with it in a healthy
manner. We can never get rid of any part of our character, only suppress it,
making shadow work the way to integrate everything that defines us,
carefully, without feeling anxious or rejected.
Shadow work can help you become your authentic self, with no part of you
being rejected or suppressed. Doing shadow work also requires patience
and determination, as rushing it will only lead to frustration. Doing shadow
work is exhausting; still, you want to minimize exhaustion and not add any
unnecessary stress while doing it. Ensure that you are willing to love and
accept yourself completely, both the light and the shadow. You can do
shadow work on your own, but you should consult with a qualified therapist
if you have to deal with severe trauma.
Again, your shadow is not a mistake that was made or a flaw in your
character. If there are traits that you don’t want to include in the visible part
of your identity, shadow work can help you control them. Other aspects that
are socially acceptable can be integrated into your personality and identity.
With the help of shadow work, you don’t need to feel ashamed of these
characteristics, but rather honor and embrace them. This will greatly
improve your self-esteem and boost your confidence, as you won’t need to
live with the fear that this unknown part of yourself will eventually come
into the light.
Many people hide their artistic side in the shadow because of ridicule and
shame, often by loved ones and family members. Through shadow work,
you can accept your artistic side, learn to love it, and then begin to use it in
your creative expressions. Boys are sometimes denied their want to play the
piano or become painters, while girls may be discouraged to express
themselves through certain music genres, such as rap. There may be a
beautiful and artistic side to yourself that has been suppressed for too long.
It is time to bring it to the surface.
When we have certain traits that are rejected, we may project negative
emotions, thoughts, and feelings toward others when we recognize similar
traits. Therefore, when you do shadow work, your relationships will also
improve with family members, friends, colleagues, and others who cross
your path. Shadow work will also teach you to have true compassion for
yourself, alleviating negative self-talk and self-judgment. You will also
experience more compassion toward others as you overcome your hidden
issues.
Your overall well-being will improve, physically and mentally, as you
release anxiety and overcome false beliefs. We often act or think in ways
that can be hurtful toward ourselves or others. Through shadow work,
you’ll have a better understanding of why you are behaving in certain ways
or what shapes your thoughts.
As we have seen, the brain of a sensitive is wired differently. Therefore,
sensitives need to take a different approach to shadow work. You have
feelings and boundaries and for this reason, you must put your own mind
and body first. Never push yourself too fast or too far when doing shadow
work. Be gentle with yourself and have tons of patience. You may get stuck.
If that happens, don’t judge yourself. Some sensitives give up on shadow
work because they burn themselves out, trying to rush results. Choose to
honor your shadow, rather than try to remove or destroy it.
Don’t try shadow work if you are not ready to accept and love yourself
fully. First, decide that you will build on your self-esteem. Doing shadow
work with low self-esteem can do more damage than good. Understand that
you will face things that you do not like, things that you want to reject and
discard. You will have to accept all of it as part of who you are. This is why
you need to love yourself completely. It is time that you embrace yourself,
both the light and the dark.
Through this book, I will take you by the hand and provide you with all the
tools you need to make shadow work a healing success. We won’t rush,
judge, or criticize, but look at ourselves with love, compassion, and hope,
honoring the gift of our sensitive nature.

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Chapter 2:

Bring Your Shadow out of Hiding

Too many people today are drowning in stress and anxiety. A lot of this can
be ascribed to their subconscious, often bringing forth unwanted behaviors.
Every person needs to do shadow work. It will help confront fears and
anxieties, help the person embrace both their light and shadow, and bring
healing where it is necessary. For shadow work to be successful, you need
to bring your shadow self into the light. Sensitives, however, need to take
their sensitive nature into account. Shadow work cannot be rushed or
pushed, especially in the case of sensitives. The sensitive must approach
shadow work carefully to avoid any harm or overwhelming feelings of
resistance. This is where meditation comes in—it helps the sensitive to
gently, calmly, and kindly allow their shadow to surface for mental and
physical healing to begin.

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Being Gentle With Your Shadow
True self-love means to accept all of who you are, including what is
suppressed into your shadow self. Learning this kind of love can be
challenging, especially if you are regularly in an environment filled with
toxic people or an environment that is overall depressing. We often get
labeled by others, which can also make loving ourselves harder. You may
also be struggling with constant negative thoughts brought on by past
trauma or judgments. What if you grew up with no positive role models?
Some people can’t love themselves simply because of what they see in the
mirror. This is often caused by bullying, ridicule, and body shaming.
We should all celebrate who we are. Life is filled with ups and downs, from
moments when we think we’re the best to moments when we couldn’t hate
ourselves more. Society makes a great effort in teaching everyone to be
mindful of others, which is a good thing, but we should also be mindful of
ourselves. When the time comes when you would normally berate and
loathe yourself, be mindful of who you are. Understand that everyone goes
through cycles of success and failure. Make mindfulness your foundation of
love. Then, when bad times come, you won’t resort to self-loathing, but
rather to self-compassion.
Attaining a healthy love for yourself is not being selfish. Some live by the
notion that you don’t need to love yourself to give love, but that is not true.
How can you give someone water from an empty cup? It needs to be filled
with water first before you can share it with others. Love is the same. You
need to fill yourself with love, then, the love you share with others will be
pure, unconditional, and unbreakable.
Many things that were suppressed into our shadow were caused by things
we were told in our childhood, however, as adults we still have to endure
criticism and sometimes ungrounded opinions of others. It is therefore
important to identify which words help promote our character and which
are detrimental.
You have the fullest right to say “No, I won’t make those words my own. I
won’t take them to heart.” Some may even become upset when you resist
their opinion, but when you have identified their words as negative and
non-constructive, you must protect yourself by refusing to entertain these
opinions. Identify the bullies who often pretend to have your best interest at
heart, but are cunning in finding ways to try and bring you down, or shove
your character into a box.
On the other hand, we all have flaws. Sometimes a good friend will point
out mistakes we make, trying to teach us not to repeat bad behavior, or stop
us from making the wrong choices. As we are pressured to do, we believe
that we should be perfect. Therefore, any mistake being pointed out feels
like an attack on our personalities. Here too, we should discern the intention
of the person sharing their opinion or guidance. If what they say is true, feel
the sting but don’t get angry. Rather embrace the fact that we all have flaws,
and see this intervention as an opportunity to learn, grow, and become a
better version of yourself.
How do you treat your best friend? Do you belittle them whenever they
make a mistake? Do you shower them with negative words when they want
to try something new or need some wisdom or encouragement? Most likely
you don’t, right? When someone is your best friend, you’ll be kind and
compassionate toward them. You will try and make their world a better
place, making sure that they know you are there for them, willing to hold
their hand when they need you to. Why can’t we be the same person toward
ourselves? We are in our own company every second of every day. Befriend
yourself. Instead of saying harsh things to yourself, imagine that you are
talking to your best friend. Treat yourself the same you would treat your
friend. Be kind and supportive toward yourself.
What you do to or for yourself influences your subconscious mind. If you
are constantly judging and criticizing yourself unnecessarily, your
subconscious will accept that you are not worth it. That is dangerous! This
is why you must learn to care for yourself. Start small, such as taking a
longer bath, treating yourself to a massage, or cooking a healthy and
nutritious meal. Even small acts of kindness and self-care will have a
positive impact on your subconscious, proving (to yourself) that you are
worthy of love and care. It may be difficult at first, especially if you believe
that you are not entitled to self-care. Make a conscious decision, and every
time you want to punish or criticize yourself, choose to turn it around.
Choose that you will care for and love yourself.
One of the best things you can do to promote self-love is shadow work. As
you know by now, shadow work is intense and can be painful. While
shadow work entails bringing hidden characteristics and aspects to light,
embracing and accepting them as part of who you are, some shadow work
is about excavating and changing your core beliefs. Some parts of our
shadow can be changed. Examples of core beliefs hidden in your shadow
may be: I’ll never be good enough, I’m not smart, No one likes me, I
shouldn’t be among people. Many core beliefs are false and should be
identified as such. Then, you can begin working on changing these beliefs
into something constructive and positive.
Sensitives often act as advocates for others and are not afraid to stand up for
them when an injustice is being done. What about you? Do you always
stand up for the rights of others? But what about yourself? Unfortunately,
sensitives are often critical and impatient with themselves, not willing to
tolerate the smallest of mistakes they make.
Instead, choose to be your own advocate. Learn to stand up for yourself,
whether you are attacked by another person or if you are struggling with
negative self-talk. Choose a kinder and more constructive approach. Do this
by acknowledging and honoring your needs, feelings, and values, regardless
if it means that you have to protect yourself from yourself.

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Why You Need to Meditate
Meditation is an effective way to induce relaxation, both physically and
mentally. This is why it is the ideal way to allow your shadow self to
surface. Meditation is not new—it has been practiced for millennia, today
becoming a rapidly growing trend in the U.S. and other parts of the world.
Anyone can practice meditation. There are no limitations as to who can
practice it regarding religion, income, status, or culture. Let’s talk about the
benefits of meditation.

Calm Your Overloaded Mind

Many sensitives find that meditation is ideal for calming down their busy
and overloaded minds. There are some misconceptions about meditation,
such as you have to open your third eye, or your mind must be cleared of all
thoughts. This is not altogether true. An effective session may include
simply sitting in a tranquil environment, closing your eyes, and focusing on
your breathing. When thoughts come, and they probably will, acknowledge
the thoughts and let them pass by, instead of trying to silence them or shove
them away.
Finding a meditation type and technique that will work for you may take
some time and effort. An effective method of meditation is just as unique as
the meditator themselves. Although meditation can be used as a spiritual
practice, as it has been done since ancient times, we don’t need to use
meditation as a spiritual tool. We can also use meditation for improving our
mental and physical well-being. There are countless different types and
methods of meditation, and you will have to find the method that works for
you. I will make it easier than having to find your own method first, saving
you a lot of time. I’ve designed a unique meditation for you that you will
find in the last sub-section of this chapter, A Dance With Your Shadow.
Breathing meditation uses the technique of focusing on your breathing,
while object meditation focuses on an object, such as a candle, a smell such
as incense, a sound such as a gong, or a feeling such as sitting in a breeze.
Movement meditation includes walking or dancing while being focused on
your movements and feelings in your body, your arms, legs, and every
move you make. There are so many choices and combinations—find what
works for you and meditate daily. It will train your mind and enhance your
ability to process environmental stimuli during your day.

Bring Your Shadow Self Into the Light

Many people report that they have discovered things about themselves
while meditating. Some of these things are great, while others are not as
pleasant. The aspects they discover that are not pleasant are things that have
surfaced from the shadow. This means that many meditators, unbeknownst
to themselves, have already started with shadow work. Meeting your
shadow self will likely be painful, but is a crucial part of finding complete
healing.
Things that come to light during meditation may include:
● complexes, which are things you may be fixated on, such as the
success of a sibling
● fears that are hidden in your subconscious, such as a numbing
fear of losing everything
● traumas that have been suppressed
● shameful feelings such as guilt or regret
● negative thoughts such as telling yourself that you are not good
enough or worthy of love
● unresolved and difficult emotional issues, such as anger and
aggressiveness
● wild desires, which can cause a person to question their sexual
identity
● Many good things can also surface, but to the person would seem
necessary to suppress, such as:
○ hidden talents
○ deep compassion (especially when it is a sensitive male,
families may frown upon their sensitivity and
compassion)
○ suppressed cognitive abilities, such as being able to
become a grade-A student, but never having the
 opportunity to do so
○ rejected gender identity
Sensitives who are new to meditating often complain that it makes them
feel worse, as if their minds are becoming more busy or noisy. This is a
misconception on their part. As meditation brings suppressed aspects to the
surface, their minds are more aware of things that are already there. It is
like peeling fruit to find a worm inside—peeling the fruit did not place the
worm there, it was there to begin with. This means that, before you start
meditating, decide that you are willing to bring your shadow into the light.
Decide on your intention—that you are going to liberate your shadow self,
allowing it to receive the love and honor it deserves. It is part of you after
all.
According to a study published in the Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy
(Coholic, 2005), participants in the study reported a significant spiritual
experience while meditating. They reported higher levels of self-awareness,
felt more compassion toward aspects of their shadow, felt whole and
integrated as a complete person, experienced a calm mind, and an increase
in their self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence. This shows that
meditation has a highly positive impact on the life of the meditator.
Let’s discuss some meditation techniques you can use.

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Meditation for Relaxation
This type of meditation is focused on relaxing both your body and your
mind. You may be prompted to use breathing as a technique, for example:
Take four deep breaths, breathe in through your nose, exhale through your
mouth.
To make these sessions more efficient, try and learn the process, so you can
do it without listening to a prompt. This will help your brain to relax and
destress even more.

Focused Attention Meditation

This technique is used to train your brain’s ability to focus. During the
session, you have to focus on something specific, such as your breathing,
counting your breaths, looking at a candle, or listening to the sound of a
fountain or wind chime. The goal is for your mind to become as quiet as
possible. Those who have mastered this technique have little difficulty
concentrating, for example, when they are working in a noisy environment,
the noises do not distract them easily.

Mindfulness Meditation
The goal of this method is to completely calm your mind. You will be aware
of your thoughts and acknowledge them, however, you won’t react to them
emotionally or physically. Every thought is looked at objectively. With this
kind of calmness, you’ll easily be able to see which thoughts are
constructive and which are harmful. However, you do not judge any of your
thoughts while examining them.

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Transcendental Meditation and Christian Centering Prayer
The meditator uses a mantra or a Christian prayer to focus on. Whenever
their thoughts are wandering, the meditator brings the thoughts back in a
calm manner, by returning their focus to the mantra or prayer. The
meditator repeats this technique until the noise of the mind has disappeared.
This means that the meditator who has mastered it will experience a
tranquil mind throughout the day, even while not meditating.
Simple Guided Meditation
You have the choice of doing guided meditation either with a professional,
while reading a book, or listening to a recorded voice. The meditation will
have you imagine being on a path or a journey while imagining that
someone is with you to serve as a guide. It can help you visualize reaching
goals or breaking bad habits. However, with this type of meditation, your
brain is still active, even though your body is feeling relaxed. The intent of
this method is for preparing your mind and empowering it to reach goals
and for other achievements, and can be used to discover more about your
shadow self.

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A Dance With Your Shadow
In this section, you will find a guided meditation especially crafted for
sensitives. It aims to honor your sensitive nature and find healing. My intent
with this technique is to help you find your shadow, make peace with it, and
embrace it as part of yourself.
If you are reading this in print, take a moment to stretch, then find yourself
a piece of technology with which you are comfortable. This exercise should
take just over twenty minutes as that is the duration of the soothing
recording of this guided meditation, which can be found here:
tinyurl.com/tomeditation
I have provided the meditation script if you would like to prepare yourself
for what's coming or if you would like to read it after listening to it:

Meditation Transcript
Please make yourself comfortable lying down on your bed, seated, or
wherever you can be completely comfortable.
Allow your eyes to close and take a few moments to scan your awareness
through the sensations of your body.
Allow your attention to gently come into the body to the flowing of your
breath.
Experience the sense of your body as a whole, simply lying here, extended,
and breathing.
The more you allow yourself to connect to your innate sensitive gifts, the
more you can heal yourself.
When you feel ready, picture in your mind’s eye the image of a large and
beautifully decorated ballroom. You’re standing in the middle of the room
and you notice some beautiful details.
Just see if you can bring that image into vivid focus in your mind’s eye.
Take another deep breath and ground yourself.
Notice how this place slows you down.
Look down and feel the ground under your feet.
As you watch the floor carefully, you’ll notice that it can change colors.
And they move.
Vibrant colors paint the floor like northern lights dancing through the sky.
Wow, this floor is like a palette of flying colors. It looks bright and playful.
Wait, you notice you can influence the colors.
And the shapes. And the movements.
You are in control of the floor. In some kind of way, your consciousness is
connected to this floor.
Now, just imagine the floor turning into the most beautiful purple colors.
You see? You just turned it into purple.
Now ask the colors to move and to change shape.
Wow, you just created a floor full of flying colors.
Just look at it, and play with it for a moment.
It’s connected to you. Actually, it feels part of you.
This ballroom is a wonderful place where your thoughts become real.
Standing here, being here in this place gives you new possibilities to change
your reality.
It feels powerful to have control over this floor with your conscious mind.
Here you can tap into your innate manifesting powers that are always
available to you.
You can change reality with each thought… and with each breath.
See what happens when you fully inhale... expanding your belly and chest
as much as you can.
Holding it for a moment...
And exhale...
Notice what you do to the floor when you breathe in and out…
Inhale... filling your entire breathing system with fresh oxygen.
Hold it...
And exhale...
Inhale... so that you are brimming with air.
Holding it... soaking in oxygen...
And exhale... your body relaxes, without any effort...
Fully inhale... feeling these fresh breaths purifying your entire body...
Exhale... Take note of how you feel at this very moment and how you
influence the floor with your calm state of mind.
You now have an abundance of oxygen.
This is what makes you feel alive, how we are created to feel.
Let the flow of your breath become natural and notice how strong you feel.
Good.
Now visualize yourself standing on the floor of the ballroom again. No one
else is around… Everything is calm and peaceful...
Just look around, noticing the beauty all around you... you are fully relaxed.
Now take a look at the floor. You feel safe and grounded. You are looking at
it from a place of love. I would like to invite you to make it pitch-black.
Just ask… Great, you already did.
This darkness is part of who you are. You are made of both dark and light
aspects.
And within your darkness lies some of the most worthwhile inner work you
can do as a human being.
Prepare to meet some aspect of yourself you’d rather not think about. We
all have tucked things away in our own shadow. Our own darkness.
Feeling grounded and strong in this ballroom of empowerment, you’re now
connected with it.
To meet your shadow in a safe way, I will help you… to dance with your
darkness.
Prepare yourself for healing. You will look the dark aspect of yourself in its
eyes and face it fully. To release it fully. Dance step-by-dance step.
Please repeat after me, to get fully prepared:
“I am safe.”
“I am strong.”
“My sensitivity is my superpower.”
“I am stronger than I think.”
“I can let go of the past to embrace my future.”
You notice that the floor is completely dark. Actually, the whole ballroom is
dark now. You can hardly see anything.
This darkness is a change to invite and shine your inner light… and to get a
clear view of the aspects of your shadow self that you’ve been hiding in the
dark.
Accept it and integrate it. I will guide you.
As you just become increasingly comfortable in following the natural
rhythm of the breath, I’d just like you to imagine now a steady flow of light
from the top of your head.
It flows almost like liquid sunlight.
It’s very smooth, very warm, very clear, very bright.
This is your inner light.
It flows down through the top of the head, into the body, and travels all the
way down.
Just melting away any tension, any discomfort. In this quiet and peaceful
state, your inner light chased away any limiting beliefs. You feel safe,
strong, and confident.
Even though the entire body now is full of that very spacious, clear feeling,
it continues to flow outward.
You notice your inner light, which illuminates the space around you. Like
you’re standing in an aura of light.
This is the moment to shine your inner light onto your shadow. Invite your
shadow to appear in the light. Just ask if it can come out of the darkness of
the floor and see what’s manifesting.
Watch it slowly becoming visible. Rising from the dark.
Your shadow is illuminated by your inner light now.
Don’t question what you see. This is the aspect of yourself that you put
away, that has been hurt, traumatized, or repressed.
Even if nothing visual appears, that’s alright. Your shadow may also show
itself as a feeling, strong or subtle. Give it time. Let your shadow fully
manifest.
Feel its anger, its sadness, or whatever else comes up. Maybe a painful
memory or an unhealthy belief. It’s all fine. Having feelings is not a
weakness. Being sensitive is your greatest strength. You are sensitive and
strong.
You’ve become aware of your shadow… It’s right in front of you.
Just touch it. Carefully. And make peace with it.
Welcome it.
Accept it.
Forgive it.
Embrace it.
Hold it close and slowly start your dance.
Do the moves that feel best for you. You may gradually increase the size of
your movement. You don’t have to think about your steps. You’re just
dancing.
It balances your shadow and your light and you will appreciate yourself on
a new and deeper level. Love your shadow for all it is. Give it your love and
compassion. Without judgment.
This dance is essentially emotion in motion.
How does it feel to dance with your darkness? Allow feelings of love and
compassion to move through your body.
Hold your shadow close to your heart and feel the connection.
This is the moment you created the loving space to ask some questions to
your shadow. Just keep on dancing and take some time to let the answers
flow.
Ask your shadow, “What can I give you? What will help you?”
Take some time to let the answers flow. Allow for yourself to experience any
insightful messages.
“What do you want from me?”
“How can you help me?”
“Which lesson do you want to teach me?”
Thank your shadow. Feel thankful for the opportunity to connect.
By embracing your shadow, you become whole.
Remember, your light cannot exist without your darkness. Your enlightened
side cannot exist without the darker aspect of your personality.
This dance creates harmony within, and aligns you to your spiritual core.
Connecting with your shadow is an act of self-love. Your loving awareness
is so powerful.
Now, while you’re still dancing and holding your darkness in your heart
space, shine your inner light brighter and brighter and notice, when you do
this, your shadow fades away more and more.
It’s not disappearing. It’s merging. Your inner light embraces your inner
darkness.
Healing is happening. This dance is a process of becoming whole again.
Think about it… How can you completely and wholeheartedly accept who
you are if there are sides of yourself that you’re too afraid to explore?
If you stop dancing now and look at the floor, you notice, that the darkness
is still dancing in the light. They have found each other. Like yin and yang.
Now, take your time to bring back your attention to your body again.
Whenever you are ready, take another nice deep breath and become fully
aware of the present moment, ready to take on the rest of your day with
confidence.
Faith is the light that guides you through the darkness.
Take heart and decide to be unashamedly yourself… Move on and stay
strong.

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Chapter 3:

The Vulnerability of Highly Sensitives

This may be difficult but good to know, further validating why shadow
work is so important. Sensitives are more prone to illness than non-
sensitives, as suppressed negative emotions are more challenging for
sensitives to deal with, and they are also easily overstimulated. A sensitive’s
shadow self can make them ill. With this being said, the opposite is true as
well—positive emotions and mindsets promote physical wellness.
Especially with sensitives, it is a question of mind over matter when it
comes to health.

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Understanding Energy
Everything in your environment has a frequency or energetic vibration.
Sensitives are tuned into these frequencies, even noticing small changes.
Sensitives sometimes absorb foreign energies which then become part of
their bodies. For this reason, sensitives must train how to block foreign and
especially unwanted energies, avoiding these from affecting them. Words
that are thought, read, or spoken have a distinct energy pattern, depending
on the intention of the person who is the source of the words. An emotional
response follows which is determined by the energy pattern.
Did you know that a word that is spoken becomes empowered and fueled
with energy? Let’s take the word “detest” for example. This word can
immediately cause an emotional response, whether it is spoken, read, or
thought. The source of the word adds its own energy as well: Supposing the
person did not speak the word but only thought it, the word would still
resonate with enough energy to be picked up by a sensitive, even if the
person’s body language or facial expression couldn't be used as visible
clues. This adds some light to the origins of the phrase “getting a vibe.”
We find reports of mind over matter throughout many cultures. According
to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the concept of mind over matter is
defined as “a situation in which someone is able to control a physical
condition, problem, etc., by using the mind.” The idea of mind over matter
seems far fetched, but is it possible that it is rooted in some reality?
According to the Institute of Noetic Sciences (2016), scientists interested in
this phenomenon have been conducting experiments for almost a century.
Doctor Joseph Banks Rhine conducted such experiments in the 1930s,
though those were basic when compared to today’s standards. The tests
aimed to determine whether people have the ability to manipulate an
outcome, such as dice being thrown. Surprisingly, these experiments
yielded positive results.
The first random number generator (RNG), was invented by a physicist,
Doctor Helmut Schmidt, in the 1970s. The machine worked as electrons
were released from a small piece of lightly radioactive material. Participants
in the study would be asked to think of numbers while looking at the
machine. Again, to everyone’s amazement, the results showed that the
machine’s generated numbers leaned more toward the intended choices of
the participants, deviating from its baseline. This means that the
participants’ intentions influenced the machine. Although the effect wasn’t
enormous, the results were still significant.
Years later, Doctors Robert Jahn and Brenda Dunne confirmed these results
through experiments that were done at the Princeton Engineering
Anomalies Research Laboratory (PEAR). When participants were asked to
concentrate on higher or lower numbers, the output again deviated from
randomness to match their intent. Research conducted at the Institute of
Noetic Sciences finds that shared emotions and mental states also influence
the RNGs. Princeton’s scientist and psychologist, Roger D. Nelson, is in
charge of research being done on a global scale—The Global
Consciousness Project. His idea (which was executed) was to place RNGs
worldwide among populations. Nelson predicted that the RNGs will be
influenced by people as their attention was captured by global events. Over
the course of 20 years, over 500 significant worldwide events triggered the
RNGs, again causing them to deviate from randomness. Events included
natural disasters, terrorist attacks, and New Year celebrations. The odds that
this would only happen by chance is more than a trillion to one.
Although scientists are able to prove that the intention of people influences
the RNGs, how it happens is still a mystery and something they cannot
explain. Their findings, though, show that order appears from the intention
of the masses. This also proves that people’s consciousness has an influence
on the physical world. It also means that the mind plays an important part in
perceived reality.
Doctor Bruce Lipton, who is a molecular biologist, author, stem cell
specialist, and winner of the 2009 Goi Peace Award, has an understanding
of the energies that surround us and are within us, and he specifically
studies vibrations and thoughts. Doctor Lipton’s studies at the Stanford
Medical School focused on mind over matter and proved scientifically how
the mind, body, and spirit are connected. Doctor Lipton aimed to prove that
our thoughts influence our bodies (Glad.is Admin, 2020).
According to Doctor Lipton, communication starts with energy and
vibrations. While there is a large number of different types of energy,
vibrations can basically be divided into two categories—good and bad
vibrations. Bad vibrations drain your energy, while good vibrations give
you more energy. Our bodies do not interpret vibrations into words or
logical thoughts. We only feel whether vibrations are good or bad.
Have you ever experienced someone who tends to drain your energy? Some
people can leave you feeling fatigued only after spending a short while with
them, with no activities but talking. You may know other people, on the
other hand, who leave you feeling more motivated and energetic than
before. Have you ever met a person who just gave you “bad vibes”? I’m not
talking about judging a person, but about that inward feeling you get. This
happens especially when you are a sensitive.
In my personal experience, I have met people who gave me such bad vibes,
only to find out later that there was a good reason for me feeling that way.
One such instance was when I met a friend of a family member. I even
warned my family member about this person, picking up on this friend’s
bad intentions. It turned out afterward that the person stole from my friend
and eventually ended up in jail.
Animals can read energy and vibrations as well. Similar to humans, some
animals are highly sensitive too. They are necessary for the survival of their
species. We have all heard about cases where dogs do not trust certain
people. More often than not it is for a good reason. Dogs aren’t mind
readers, but animals pick up on energies and are able to distinguish good
from bad vibrations. Such is the case when animals flee from an area before
a natural disaster strikes. It’s all about the vibrations they read from the
environment. Life is based on energy—when something has energy, it is
alive, when there is no energy, there is no life. Perhaps this is why many
spiritual practices believe that everything, including every rock, plant, and
animal has life. What causes vibrations to be either bad or good?
It is based on what you believe. The things we believe determine how we
think and what our attitudes will be. When you constantly have bad
thoughts and emotions, do you think your vibrations will be good? This
means that to change your vibrations, you need to change any false beliefs
you may have and correct your mindset from negative to positive, thereby
changing your perspective and attitude toward life.

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Why Are You So Vulnerable to Illness?
Research done on over 100 different animal species has shown that 15–30%
of all populations are highly sensitive to their environments. This is true for
people as well, affecting over 1 billion people worldwide (Rosieraleigh,
2019). Making an effort to understand their sensitivity will make the world
a better place, whether you are highly sensitive or non-sensitive. Sensitives
often feel isolated because of their differences compared to non-sensitives,
and non-sensitives are sometimes too quick to judge, as they don’t know
what being sensitive is about.
One in five people are sensitives, often struggling with illnesses more
intensely than non-sensitives. Their feelings of isolation do not help,
making them feel worse, and preventing them from reaching their goals and
living their dreams. Sensitives are more prone to illness as they easily
become overstimulated by their environment and circumstances. Ill health
has a negative influence on the economy, as sensitives who are ill cannot
continually carry the workload they are supposed to. This harms their
careers and can lead to burnout. Some sensitives leave the workforce
altogether because of its negative impact on their health.
Because sensitives often feel isolated, some of them marginalize
themselves, which prevents them from sharing their talents and innovations
with the workforce or the rest of the community. Instead of embracing
cognitive diversity (as it realistically exists in the world), many companies
focus on creating something called groupthink, where it is assumed that all
employees will have the same cognitive processes, in other words, think
exactly the same. But is this viable? Sensitives are more in tune with other
people and their environment, and with their deep thinking, are often more
creative.
By embracing cognitive diversity instead of relying on running a company
with a hive mind, these companies will find it beneficial in terms of greater
workflow and innovativeness. In turn, this will have a very positive impact
on the economy. Learning how to understand sensitives may help
companies put preventative measures in place to avoid the overstimulation
and burnout of their sensitive employees. In the study mentioned earlier in
this section, scientists have also found that the sensitive part of animal
populations ensures their survival. This 15–30% of the highly sensitive
animals are more tuned in to their environment, therefore are able to know
early on when danger is coming.
This is also true with humans, where companies can benefit from their
sensitivity. Sensitives will be able to pick up quickly if something is wrong
or when the company is in danger. But for this to work, companies will
have to accept that part of their workforce falls under those who are
sensitive, highly sensitive, or empathic. In the same way, sensitives will
also benefit from a positive environment, which means the company should
take better care to ensure the well-being of all their employees,
acknowledging and listening to the needs of the sensitives working for
them.
Society has a number of norms that everyone is supposed to live by.
Sensitives understand this and force themselves to live up to this norm,
whether they can handle it or not. This is what causes illness in sensitives
involved in the workforce. Unfortunately, instead of reaping the benefits of
having sensitives in their employ, companies miss the opportunity to have
someone who can spot danger from afar, saving their employers time and
money. Sensitive employees end up being marginalized and in ill health as
their needs are neglected.
Besides work-related stresses and obligations, several other things in life
can be emotionally demanding. Such things can include having to work on
maintaining healthy relationships, feeling the pressure of having to succeed,
having a fear that you’ll miss out on things, and being expected to keep up
with everything new. Unfortunately, most people have become adept at
hiding their emotions. Why? Because people are often encouraged to push
their emotions aside. Some believe that by ignoring emotions, they will
simply go away. But this can’t be further from the truth.
How do people attempt to bury their emotions? They do it through the use
of technology, spending excessive time on social media or watching
television, some turn to drugs or alcohol, or both, to suppress certain
emotions, and some abuse prescribed medication. A time may come when a
person has to face and acknowledge their emotions, but they are quickly
dismissed by using phrases such as “Get over it, it’s life,” or “Don’t let it
bother you.” These phrases may sound like good advice, but it only ends up
in the emotions being bottled, which is detrimental to both your physical
and mental health.
Imagine you are visiting Wyoming, and decide to go to Yellowstone
National Park. You are excited to see Old Faithful. After waiting for about
40 minutes, the geyser erupts, spewing water almost 100 feet into the air.
What causes this? Magma that is present two to five miles under the surface
heats the water, creating pressure. Soon, the water can’t be contained, and it
erupts. I’m sure you have heard that someone has “exploded” with anger.
Maybe it happened to you.
People are surprised when this happens, but they shouldn’t be. Why does it
happen that a person suddenly explodes? It happens because of emotions
that are ignored. Just like the water of Old Faithful, suppressed emotions
build up inside of you. When the pressure becomes too much, you erupt
with anger. Emotions that are dealt with do not have a chance to create
pressure; they have energy which means they need to be expressed. Our
bodies, thinking they were smart, learned how to suppress them. We still
hold our breaths and contract our muscles to suppress our emotions.
Emotions that are ignored, however, do not only put you in danger of
exploding, but also can cause anxiety and depression. When your brain
decides that emotions are too conflicting or overwhelming, it decides to
thwart these emotions. This causes a great deal of stress on both your body
and mind. Such emotional stress can cause mental health issues and also
physical ailments, such as headaches, autoimmune disorders, heart disease,
insomnia, and intestinal problems. Mind over matter, remember? This is its
power—not only can your mind influence what happens in your
environment, but also in your body.
Bottled emotions can also cause you to lash out at people, even if they don’t
really deserve it. It’s easy to get caught up in heightened emotions when
other worse emotions are not dealt with. Someone may ask you an innocent
question but because of buried emotions, it triggers anxiety or anger within
you. As emotions have energy they need to flow freely and without
constraint. It is unfortunate that society expects us to hide our emotions,
especially when it comes to males. “Boys don’t cry” or “You’re a big girl
now”—do these sound familiar? We are taught to bottle emotions even at a
very young age.
The irony is that we bottle our emotions for fear of facing them, refusing to
give emotions some kind of control over us. Yet, if we ignore our emotions,
they end up controlling us. We experience uncontrollable outbursts or fits of
rage because of triggers caused by unresolved issues associated with
emotions. It can cause us to become rude or mean, distrustful, and overall
negative. This can’t lead to a happy life. Isn’t it time to take control and
consciously decide to become happy? I think it is. Especially if you are a
sensitive.
When emotions are triggered in the midbrain, the vagus nerve responds by
sending signals to the intestines, lungs, and heart. This causes a state of
anxiety as the brain attempts to warn the body that immediate action should
be taken. All this is very primitive as it ensured the survival of our
prehistoric ancestors. For this reason, emotions are not under our control—
which is something we should all be much aware of. As soon as the brain
perceives danger, it springs into action to get the body ready to defend
itself. This is without us knowing what the brain is doing, sometimes not
understanding why we experience certain emotions and anxieties.

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Your Health Is Important Too
Anxiety caused by unresolved issues related to emotions will keep on
harming our physical and mental well-being until we do something about it.
Emotions need to be recognized and acknowledged, and instead of
undermining them, we should examine them. Consider questioning
yourself: Why do I feel this way? What caused this emotion? Is the emotion
good or bad? Are there any issues surrounding the emotion? What can I do
to remedy the issue?
While negative emotions can cause harm to your overall well-being,
positive emotions can bring healing.
Sensitives feel the need from a young age to hide their true self, which also
adds to problems when it comes to their physical and mental well-being.
School is supposed to be a place of safety and care, but for some, going to
school can be a nightmare. Stress and anxiety experienced at a young age
can cause future issues physically and mentally. Many sensitives who are
still children experience rejection by parents, friends, teachers, and family
members. Therefore, we should start by educating young people about
sensitives and how the environment affects them. Teach people to love
these sensitive children, so they can grow up to be a productive and
innovative part of their community. However, sensitives can be productive
and innovative without needing to “fit in.” The fault is not in their
sensitivity but in the non-sensitives’ lack of education and information. All
sensitives should embrace their individuality and live a life that works for
them.
While psychotherapists have started to acknowledge the part emotions play
in our well-being, it does not receive enough attention in mainstream care.
It would be undoubtedly beneficial to include education on emotions and
how to handle them when it comes to practices and institutions such as
psychology, social care, and medical schools. Some people judge
themselves or others because of emotions that are experienced. Teaching
people that emotions aren’t under their control would be a good place to
start. People would feel less guilty or judgmental when it comes to
emotions.
People who are educated and provided with tools to deal with emotions
experience an enormous difference and improvement in their well-being.
By allowing themselves to experience emotions, some become aware of
physical healing taking place, such as healing of the stomach or intestines.
Understanding that anger is also a normal emotional reaction can help
people validate it when they feel angry, which would make it easier to deal
with. Skills can be acquired on how to release anger without harming
themselves or others. By practicing self-compassion, feelings of
humiliation, self-pity, or self-loathing will be minimized.
These helpful skills will especially be beneficial to sensitives, who would
first have to determine the source of the emotion before dealing with it.
Remember, some sensitives can pick up on the emotions of others, absorb
them, and make them their own. Realizing that the source of an experienced
emotion is external may make it easier to deal with. When you allow
yourself to experience all of your emotions without critique or judgment,
they will simply pass after you have experienced them. Working with your
emotions like this will change the firing pattern of the vagus nerve,
reducing anxiety and helping your body to heal.
As one in five people are sensitive, highly sensitive, or empathic, it would
be a good idea to adjust workplaces and the overall environment to suit
their needs. This will prevent ailments such as chronic muscle tension, high
blood pressure, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, migraines, infectious
diseases, and mental health problems. If you are a sensitive, I’m sure you’ll
agree that people need to be educated to understand your sensitivity and the
way your body and brain work, which can help you feel less embarrassed
and ashamed. You can’t live up to unreasonable expectations if your central
nervous system does not allow it.
Managing emotions such as anger and hostility will improve your heart’s
health. Men, for example, who have anger issues are more likely to suffer
cardiac effects such as heart attacks. Dealing with negative emotions can
help alleviate other health issues such as the constriction of peripheral blood
vessels, increased heart rate, unhealthy blood lipids, and hypertension.
While experiencing bad emotions, your blood pressure rises, but every time
you recall what has happened and you revisit the emotion, your blood
pressure spikes again. Anger appears in different forms, which should all be
dealt with. Anger can manifest as irritability, impatience, and grouchiness,
which all have the potential of damaging your health.
Positive emotions cause the release of beneficial hormones and
neurochemicals. Have you ever wondered why you feel better after you
have cried? While you are crying, your body is flushing out the stress
hormone present in your body. When you feel grateful, more oxygen is
distributed among your cells which speeds up healing and boosts your
immune system. Did you know that being in love affects your body for up
to a year? It boosts your level of nerve growth factor which improves your
memory by restoring your nervous system.
Beta-endorphins are released when you watch a funny comedy, which
improves your mood and accelerates healing. Expecting to be laughing
reduces cortisol and adrenaline in your body, while laughter decreases your
risk of having a heart attack. Understand the benefits of feeling good, and
cultivate habits that bring about happy feelings.

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Chapter 4:

The Power of the Psyche

Our minds are far more complex than we give them credit for. Internal
mechanisms and chemical processes are all controlled by our brains—yet
still, we can focus on other tasks that need to be done while thinking about
other things, such as a person we like, or what we will have for lunch or
dinner. Your brain creates a new channel for every new thing it needs to
focus on. And your brain is smart enough to prioritize, categorize, and
organize everything, from tasks to daily habits, to make your life experience
better. Just like a computer, your brain needs to be programmed to fulfill all
that is required of you.

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Are You Being Programmed?
We live on a planet that has gravity, spinning around its own axis. Without
us realizing it, this factor influences all of us and every other living being
on this planet. When a child learns to walk, do they get up one day and start
walking around? No, they don’t. The process of learning how to walk is
meticulous and can take quite some time. Children need to learn how to
walk because of gravity. Have you ever thought about that? The act of
standing on your legs and using them to move around is a process used to
counteract the pull of gravity. Then, it takes some more time to master the
art of walking before the child starts running.
Do you think adults who can walk around effortlessly have to focus on the
act of walking? They don’t have to, as the skill to walk is fully programmed
into their minds. As more responsibilities and obligations are added, your
mind is programming itself to enable you to do the associated tasks. One
way of programming your mind is through learning. People have known
that the brain is responsible for learning since ancient times. However,
neuroscientists have only been able to see what happens in the brain as
learning occurs. All kinds of experiments are done to understand more
about the brain and its functions.
Luckily we have enough information to know what a brain looks like
without having to crack open a skull. Your brain is a dense network of
fibers, containing approximately 100 billion neurons. It has three different
parts: the stem, cerebellum, and cerebrum. The brainstem connects the brain
to the spinal cord, regulating functions such as heart rate, breathing, and
balance. Imagine having to manually control your breathing all day! It
would be impossible. The stem has a stalk-like appearance as it narrows
down to connect to the spine. It regulates subconscious functioning by
forwarding messages from the brain to the rest of the body.
The cerebellum is at the bottom near the back of the brain. It may be
smaller than the cerebrum but is vital to your existence. Bodily functions
that are required daily as well as habits are programmed into the
cerebellum. It also assists with vision and eye movement. But did you know
that it is not only your eyes and ears that help you maintain your balance?
Your cerebellum has special sensors that pick up when your body is moving
and getting out of balance. It then sends signals to your body, helping it to
adjust so you can maintain your balance. This is why you sometimes regain
your balance so quickly when you slip on the dance floor.
The cerebrum is the larger part of the brain where learning, reasoning, and
memory occur. In other words, this is the most programmable part of the
brain. Did you know that different parts of the cerebrum are programmed
according to their function? These functions include short-term memory,
long-term memory, reasoning abilities, speech, language, and the
processing of sensory input. This flood of information is first stored as
short-term memory in a volatile part of the brain. This is done by a network
of neurons firing up, sending signals between synapses. A neural pathway is
created and the action or information is stored as short-term memory.
This new information stored in the short-term memory is taken to the
structural core, where it is compared to existing memories. This is not
always completely accurate, as degradation of the neurons is something that
happens. The action of comparing the memories is instant, sending signals
across billions of neurons and transmitting messages between synapses. But
because of degradation, some memories are incomplete. Our minds
fabricate details sometimes to fill the missing parts. This is why you
sometimes remember something different than your siblings.
Learning and memory, or programming, happen as the connection between
neurons is strengthened or weakened. Memories or knowledge that are
often recalled cause a strengthening of connections, while things that are
pushed to the back have weakened connections. A connection can weaken
so much over time that the memory or information disappears. It is actually
something we are all familiar with. When we were in school, what was the
best way to learn? By repeating information over and over again, we
ensured that new information was embedded thoroughly.
Our programming starts at a young age. We are brought up in accordance
with moral standards and beliefs. This in itself differs between cultures and
even households. For example, in one household it is normal to greet one
another in the morning, after work and school, and at night. In another
household it is regarded as normal for each person to go their own way,
speaking only when it is necessary, with no hellos or goodbyes, good
mornings or good nights. If it seems unbelievable, trust me, I’ve seen
families who live like this.
The beliefs of parents aren’t necessarily accurate, true, or beneficial. I know
adults who are overweight because their parents used to tell them not to
leave any food on their plates. This belief stuck, and even as adults, they
can’t stop eating until there is nothing left on their plates. It takes
counseling and hard work for a person to heal from these false beliefs, and
often shadow work is required for complete healing. Luckily, all is not bad.
We also learn values, morals, and important life lessons from our parents.
From learning to walk and learning to talk, our brains are open hard drives
to be programmed, ready to gather and process new information.
In school, children are given a lot of information—they have to learn things
about different subjects, are taught how to behave, and are guided with
morals on what is acceptable and what is not. Can any teacher or parent
ever be perfect? No one can, right? But as children, we absorb all available
information, and through several mental processes build our identity around
the things we are taught. This leads to new behaviors, either good or bad.
Good if the child wants to be obedient, bad if the child decides to be a little
rebel.
As an adult, whenever your brain recognizes new behavior, neurons start to
fire up immediately, sending messages between synapses. Why? Your brain
is trying to understand what you are doing, why you are doing it, and
whether or not this new behavior is dangerous. Let’s look at an example.
When you get out of bed in the morning, you get ready for work, get in
your car, and drive to the office. Let’s say you have had your car for several
years now. Do you need to focus on how to turn the key in the ignition,
handle the gears, use your indicators, or turn the steering wheel? Do you
still need to think about which pedals to push to get certain results? No,
these things have become a habit.
New behaviors and information cause new neural pathways to form. When
you learned how to drive, your neurons fired up wildly, trying to understand
what you were doing. The more you were driving, the stronger the
connections became. Soon, the connections were strong enough so you
didn’t need to consciously think about it anymore. While you were learning,
you were using the outer parts of the brain, especially the prefrontal cortex.
A lot of energy was used to create these neural pathways.
Once the connections were strong enough, your brain understood that this is
a safe behavior that will be repeated. Your brain then shifts control of this
neural pathway to the basal ganglia, which is a part of the inner brain.
Behaviors and information, such as following a familiar route to work, are
managed by the basal ganglia. While behaviors activating the prefrontal
cortex require a lot of energy, behaviors controlled by the basal ganglia
require very little energy. This is your brain’s way of saving mental energy.
You can then rather use this energy for more important things, such as
critical thinking or remembering your wife’s birthday.
But what if a car suddenly swerves right in front of you? What happens?
You hit the brakes and control the steering wheel in an effort to avoid an
accident. This behavior is again controlled by the prefrontal cortex. The
moment your brain realizes that something bad is happening, signals are
sent to your body to react. This action requires a large amount of energy.
See how effective the brain is? Having the basal ganglia control the
behavior of driving your brain saves energy, making this energy available to
avoid a collision.
But still, though complex, our brains are not perfect. Sometimes bad
behaviors can also turn into habits, such as drinking or smoking. Habits are
indeed another way we program our minds. It takes time and effort to break
bad habits, but replacing bad habits with good ones is indeed possible.
During the process of shadow work, bad habits may surface. When you
have identified these bad habits, you can use shadow work to bring about
change and replace them with good habits. This is how you can use the
power of your brain for the greater good.

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The Impact of Your Mindset
The way your mind is programmed can have a tremendous influence on
your mindset. A mindset is a set of notions, assumptions, or methods held
by one or more people toward a person, people, an object, incident,
environment, and anything else for that matter. Your mindset will determine
how you behave toward a person, in a situation, or toward yourself. Your
mind needs to be ready for shadow work, which means your mindset will
affect how successful you’ll be.
A mindset can either be highly beneficial or detrimental, depending on the
type of mindset. This is especially true for sensitives. Past programming
may induce prejudice, often because of self-loathing and aspects of the self
that are suppressed into the shadow self. A person may not be aware that
they are acting in a certain way because of their mindset. People of all ages
should be educated about the power of a mindset and how it determines
their quality of life. Your mindset does not only have an impact on yourself
but also on those around you. The truth is, we don’t have only one mindset
at a time, but several. However, one of these mindsets will overpower the
rest, determining your behavior and attitude. The different mindsets are:

Positive
A positive mindset is always trying to find positivity in every situation or
person. A person with a positive mindset is grateful and likes to look at the
bright side of things.

Negative
A negative mindset focuses on the bad side of things, believing that things
cannot get better. A person with a negative mindset believes the worst about
people and situations.

Growth
A growth mindset is centered on learning and experiencing new things. A
person with a growth mindset is innovative and proactive.

Fixed
A fixed mindset does not like learning or growing. A person with a fixed
mindset accepts everything as it is, believing that nothing can change about
it, whether it is a person or a situation.

Optimistic
An optimistic mindset believes that everything will always turn out for the
good. A person with an optimistic mindset will believe a person or situation
has something to offer, no matter what.

Pessimistic
A pessimistic mindset always anticipates the worst outcome,
catastrophizing or distrusting those around them. A person with a
pessimistic mindset will try to convince others that ideas, goals, people, or
situations are bad.

Realistic
A realistic mindset sees the good in things, but also the bad. A person with
a realistic mindset will not try and deter others from doing what they feel
they need to, but will make them aware of the pros and cons.

Unrealistic
An unrealistic mindset is often gullible and believes almost everything. A
person with an unrealistic mindset will set goals that are not achievable or
expect behavior and successes from others that are beyond their ability.
They will often ignore warnings.

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Finding Mindsets
Think about the eight mindsets explained above, and let’s use a story as an
example to identify mindsets:
Joe, Dave, Tony, and Brian are going on a week’s vacation. They
are excited, as they are planning to spend a week in a cabin in the
woods. They have to drive quite a distance to get to the cabin. As
they are driving, they are all excited, chatting the time away. They
stop at a gas station, where Joe, Dave, and Tony go into the gas
station’s convenience store. Brian is set with the task of filling up
the tank. Soon, they are all back in the car to continue their long
drive. They turn up a road, now en route to the cabin. They are
surrounded by tall trees and thick brush; the road they’re on is a
single, meandering path heading deeper into the woods.
As it begins to get dark, Joe notices that they have used up more
than half of the gas. Immediately he complains, “I knew we weren’t
going to make it! I knew it was too far!”
Dave smiles and says, “Don’t worry, we’ll make it. Even if we have
to get there on fumes.”
Tony reassures them and says, “Besides, there are cans filled with
gas at the cabin. If it is necessary, one of us can walk there and
bring back the jerricans.”
Joe is in shock. “What! You expect one of us to walk up there! It
sure isn’t gonna be me!”
Dave shrugs and says, “No prob, I’ll go. It won’t be that far.”
Tony adds to the conversation by saying, “Luckily we have enough
food if we have to spend the night beside the road.”
Brian laughs and says, “Dudes! You know I filled up the tank,
right? I also filled the two jerry cans I put in the trunk. So don’t
worry, we won’t run out.”
 Everyone is relieved, especially Joe. He just watched one too many
horror movies.
Now take some time and sort the list of mindsets according to the behaviors
of the different characters. Which mindsets do you think fit with which
character? Do this first before we continue. Have you done it? You’ll only
be doing yourself a favor.
It is clear that Joe’s mindset is both negative, fixed, and pessimistic, right?
But, he is also realistic, knowing that they won’t be able to reach the cabin
with the fuel they have.
Dave’s mindset is positive and optimistic, but also unrealistic and fixed.
Tony’s mindset is positive, growth, and optimistic, but with a touch of an
unrealistic mindset.
Brian’s mindset is pessimistic, positive, growth, and realistic. You may
wonder why I state that he also has a pessimistic mindset. If he was
optimistic, he would have decided that the fuel in their tank was enough to
get them to the cabin, but he was pessimistic enough to worry something
would go wrong, and filled the two jerricans.
Therefore, mindsets labeled as bad are not always bad. We need to have a
negative or pessimistic mindset sometimes. For example, when a friend
feels terribly sick, will you be optimistic and tell them they’ll be fine, or
will you be pessimistic and tell them they need to go and see a doctor? It is
good to have the positive mindsets in charge, but we should allow the
negative ones some space as well.
Your mindset will also determine how you will approach shadow work. If
you are negative and pessimistic about it, it will never work. The great thing
about a mindset is that it can be changed. How do you change your
mindset? By reprogramming your mind.

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Reprogramming Your Mind
Your mindset and the way you think determine what your life will be like.
Many people don’t realize this and simply let life go by without being
willing to change their perspective. How often have you thought about
doing something great, but then just let it slip away without further
consideration? This happens to millions of people all the time. Your brain is
programmed to reflect everything familiar to you, constantly comparing
new experiences with existing information. This means that your mind
reflects everything you know about your environment. This begs the
question—does your environment determine how you think, or does the
way you think determine your environment?
If you go through a day performing the same habits you have been
repeating for the last few years (such as getting up in the morning, getting
ready for work, drinking coffee from your favorite mug, driving to work,
doing what is expected of you at your workplace, and then return home to
watch television, have supper, and then go to sleep), were there any changes
to your way of thinking or your physical brain? You repeat daily the same
actions that produce the same thoughts, coming with familiar frustrations
you have to face every day. This means that what you are doing will
constantly produce the same outcome.
This may make you feel safe and secure, but perhaps you have yearned for
a change, something to happen, or things to get better. Your experiences
every day activates circuits in your brain, which then leads to a certain kind
of thinking, directly linked to your environment. As you do the same things
and see the same people, your brain is creating a way of thinking that is
already familiar to you. In other words, you are only thinking about the
things you already know.
If you want things to change, especially if you are a sensitive, is to begin
thinking bigger than your environment. Think about what you truly want
and create a vision around it. All the great people are visionaries—people
such as Joan of Arc, Albert Einstein, and William Wallace. When they had
their visions, hopes, and dreams, did they perceive them literally? No, it
was not something they could see, taste, or touch. Still, they had given their
vision so much power that they started living as if their vision was already a
reality. You and I have the same ability. We have the skills to create a
vision, empower it, and live as if it is already a reality.
Your personality consists of three parts: how you feel, think, and act. This
becomes your personal reality. The person you are, or your personality, has
created your personal reality, which is the situation you are in at this
moment—also known as your life. If you want to change your personal
reality or your life, you will have to change the emotional connection you
have about things, your thoughts, and your habits and behaviors. You can
never create a new personal reality if you stick to the same personality. In
some essence, you have to become someone different.
When you repeat the same actions every day, these actions are hard-wired
into your brain. The neurons that fire up follow the same pathways every
day, with impulses continually running among familiar roads. Your mind is
how you use your brain, in other words, it’s your brain in action. Even by
reminding yourself who you are, your neurons are firing in the same pattern
every time you do it. Behaviors become habits as the brain becomes
familiar with the behaviors. Your brain does not only change mentally but
physically as well. The neurological pathways are detectable, as these
pathways create visible clues where the neurons fire up.
This means that to change your personality, you have to change your brain
mentally and physically. How do you do that? By creating new
combinations, patterns, and sequences. This will cause your brain to work
in a different way than it is used to. And don’t worry, your brain can handle
it! How did we become who we are? We did it by absorbing information
and knowledge from a young age. As an adult, you can still use information
and knowledge to create new pathways and change the physiology of your
brain. Every time you learn a new thing, such as a skill, your brain is
immediately creating new connections.
When you recall information, you are sustaining and maintaining those new
connections. When you entertain a new thought, neurons fire. Yes, just by
consciously thinking about something, the neurons begin creating
pathways. When this happens, a different part of your brain is activated,
which releases certain chemicals, creating an emotion that is linked to what
you are thinking. This is true for either positive or negative thinking.
Positive thinking can summon joyous emotions, while negative thinking
can cause anxiety, stress, or depression.
Ultimately, the chemicals enter your body, and you have feelings associated
with your thoughts. Feeling good can lead to positive thinking while feeling
bad leads to negative thinking. But regardless of the way you think, it
becomes a loop. You begin to feel the way you think and think the way you
feel. Emotions and thoughts begin feeding one another, which can be either
to your benefit or can be detrimental to your physical and emotional health.
See the importance of shadow work? By eliminating negative thinking and
beliefs, you will be reducing a lot of chemicals that only serve to make you
feel worse.
Once your thoughts and feelings are aligned, you enter a state of “being.”
Thoughts are used by your brain to communicate, while your body
communicates through feelings. According to Doctor Joe Dispenza, up to
95% of the behaviors performed by an adult who is 35 years old are
automated habits. This means that most of an adult’s day consists of
basically mindless activities that don’t require high levels of thinking. Only
5% of your conscious mind is used for new and unfamiliar activities
(FightMediocrity, 2019). This is why we sometimes have a great thought,
but feelings of unworthiness or self-loathing stop us from following
through. This happens when a person’s body is not aligned with positive
thinking, meaning that the person is filled with negativity.
Such negativity can prevent a person from achieving the life they desire.
The negativity quickly overturns any possible positive thoughts, keeping
the person trapped in their negative state of being. But people should know,
it should be shouted from the rooftops—we all have the power to overturn
this negativity! We have the ability to change! We can change our
programming! We don’t need to be content with a way of thinking; many
people only bring about change after being faced with trauma or some other
terrifying experience.
But why should anyone wait for something horrible to happen? We all can
do something about it now. You can decide to take back your life this
instant—refusing negativity, and becoming filled with hope for what
shadow work can do for you. Don’t think of shadow work as something you
have to do. Think of it as something you get to do. Reprogram your mind.
Think about those millions who don’t get the chance, those who haven’t
received the good news. Be grateful, do shadow work, and then reach out to
those who need you.

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Chapter 5:

First-Aid for Your Soul

In this chapter, you will find methods to deal with aspects of your shadow
self whenever you are overcome with emotions such as anxiety, stress, or
fear. The methods are creative and focused on honoring your sensitivity,
helping you release negative energy in a kind and easy way. Although these
methods are not particularly focused entirely on shadow work such as the
guided meditation in Chapter 2, they can be used during shadow work.
These tools are efficient in helping you deal with overwhelming emotions
that you might face during shadow work. All these methods are effective,
especially for sensitives. Some of the tools overlap in their benefit to mind,
body, and spirit, but are categorized in this Chapter according to their main
focus.
Some methods of shadow work make use of shadow work journal prompts.
These are confronting questions that prompt you to think about things that
may stress you out. For sensitives, this method is not always effective. It
can cause a heightened sense of unease as these prompts can require you to
be too confronting or get in touch directly with something too painful. In
this book, you won't find this method. Our guided meditation takes a more
gentle approach, especially for sensitives.

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Tools to Heal Your Body
There are several tools you can use for the healing of your body. We will be
focusing on the physical cleansing of negative energy.

Wash Away the Stress

Bathing may be something you do daily, but are you truly aware of its
benefits? Perhaps you prefer to take a shower? Try switching the shower
with a bathtub sometime. Don’t rush it, as enjoying a prolonged session of
relaxation in a warm bathtub will loosen your muscles and ease pain. As
you are relaxing, you’ll experience a delightful decrease in stress, tension,
and negativity. Not only will you feel physically clean, but also refreshed.
Don’t just take a bath to get clean, though. You can use the warm water as
an object of focus as a technique of meditation. As you are relaxing, be
aware of the warmth of the water. Feel yourself relaxing. Experience the
warmth against your skin and feel your muscles relaxing. As a sensitive, it
is easy to become overstimulated. Bathing is a very easy and relaxing way
of restoring the senses and regaining mental balance.
Taking a bath—something so simple yet so very effective.

Use Mudras
This practice involves using hand gestures to direct energy flow throughout
your body. It is a type of yoga that can help you become more spiritually
aware. One of the most potent mudras is the Abhaya Mudra. You can use
this as a tool if you feel the need for safety, protection, confidence, and
strength. Many use this mudra to protect themselves from negative energy
and harm as well as to reduce anxiety and stress, as it calms the nervous
system. The action involved during this mudra is simple—sit down
comfortably and raise your right hand to shoulder height, letting your palm
face forward.
This same method is seen in Buddhist depictions that are centuries old. The
ancients had a great understanding of energy and how to maintain a calm
nervous system. The great thing is that mudras work for everyone,
regardless of culture or religion, and you can do them anywhere, anytime.
Mudras can come in handy when you feel overwhelmed and have a chance
to take a quick break, such as from a conference or meeting.

Get Moving
We all know that exercise is beneficial to both the mind and the body, yet
too many of us neglect this important practice. Exercising is not only good
for your health but can help uplift your mood. While exercising, endorphins
are released making you feel calm and happy. Also, it helps you feel
energized and relaxed as it flushes the stress hormone out of your body.
There are many different exercises you can try. If you are new to this, try
walking as an exercise. You can start by walking at a normal pace, then, as
you become more fit and accustomed to walking, you can begin to increase
the pace without causing too much impact on your joints, if that is what you
are worried about. Walking can help clear negative emotions and thoughts.
Yoga is another low-impact exercise that works wonders. It helps in
alleviating tension, negativity, and stress. By doing yoga you are
strengthening your core muscles, improving your flexibility, and promoting
your overall well-being. Did you know that on YouTube you can find a lot
of yoga practices specially designed for sensitives?

The Therapy in Smiling

When should we smile? When things are great? When we get a promotion,
a gift, or a surprise? Sure, we would smile then, but by limiting our smiles
to certain occasions we are also limiting ourselves. Do you know why it
feels so good to smile? When you smile, endorphins are released,
eliminating negative emotions, stress, and thoughts, making you feel happy.
What a quick and easy way to get a boost! When was the last time you
smiled? Have you ever tried smiling at yourself? Go to a mirror, look at
yourself, and smile. Smile in celebration of who you are. Then, say out
loud: I love you!
Peace begins with a smile. –Mother Teresa
Eat Well, Be Well
It is no secret that the food we eat affects us mentally and physically. We
really are what we eat. By keeping your diet nutritious and healthy you
maintain a healthy and sharp mind and provide your body with the energy it
requires for adequate functioning. Healthy foods, such as dark green leafy
foods, can help remove negative energy from your body. Consuming food
and drinks that contain things such as refined sugar, alcohol, and caffeine
may give you a temporary boost, but as your blood sugar level crashes, you
will feel fatigued and listless. Fried and processed foods and excessive
animal proteins can leave you feeling bloated and drained of energy.
Opt for healthier choices such as beans, whole grains, vegetables, fruit,
nuts, and seeds. As sensitives have to deal with overwhelming emotions and
unwanted energies often, they need their minds to be clear, their bodies to
be energized, and negative energy to be removed. Eating the right food is
one way of achieving this. Besides, healthy food can be fun and delicious,
which means you can enjoy it while eating and continue to enjoy its
benefits after. Some people argue that it is impossible to eat healthy food, as
it is either too expensive or takes too long to prepare. However, healthier
options don’t need to be expensive. If you are interested in a healthier diet,
research the types of food that are affordable and within your reach. You
may be surprised when you see you don’t need to expand your budget
drastically for healthier food options. Many healthy dishes are quick and
easy to prepare. There are several books and other sources available for
quick, easy, and affordable healthy foods you can enjoy.

Crystals—It’s Not Magic, It’s Science!

Have you noticed that crystals each have their unique shape? Quarts grow
as pointed shapes, while galena develops into cubes. It all comes down to
their atoms and how they are arranged. The atoms of crystals form a unique
pattern that is repeated continuously, according to the crystal type.
However, it is not only crystals that have this method of atom formation.
Chocolate, sugar, ice, sand, and DNA all have crystalline structures. All
atoms vibrate at a specific frequency, meaning crystals vibrate at their own
frequencies. This is why the ancients believed that crystals can be used for
various reasons, such as healing, clarity, and relaxation.
According to Doctor David Hamilton, crystals work in three different ways.
The first property crystals have, such as quartz crystals, is diamagnetism.
This means that the crystal is interfering with the Earth’s magnetic field, in
that the magnetic field bends around the crystal. Anything close to the
crystal receives its normal magnetism, added with the deflected magnetism
from the crystal.
Research done at the California Institute of Technology proved that the
Earth’s magnetic field can make a difference in people’s brainwaves. People
were placed in an electromagnetic-shielded room in which the Earth’s
magnetic field was replicated. They then tweaked the magnetic field by
rotating the direction of its flow. Although the people in the room were
unaware that the magnetic field had rotated, all of the participants’
brainwaves abruptly changed. This proves that our brains are sensitive to
magnetic fields.
Doctor Hamilton also explains that clear crystals can be used to achieve
mental clarity. The person holding the crystal gazes at how clear it is,
creating a mental milestone such as, I want my mind to be as clear as this
crystal. Doctor Harrison claims that this is an effective way to clear your
mind, as the crystal is used as a mental representation.
Crystals can also be used in color psychology. Colors influence how people
think, act, and behave. Think about marketing, especially when you enter a
retail store. What do they use to attract people and potential shoppers? They
use colors. Studies have found that the color red entices people to buy
more, while soft blue lights have a calming effect. In the same way, crystals
can be used to attain a certain mental state and to change behavior
(Lawrence, 2021). If you are thinking about using crystals, just keep
searching. You will be drawn to the crystal or crystals you need. Everyone
reacts differently to crystals, but when you shop online you can search the
internet for “crystals for highly sensitive persons”—it will make it easier to
find crystals that match your needs.

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Healing for Your Soul
In this section, we’ll be looking at tools you can use to heal your mind.
Your mind should never be neglected. It is the determining factor of how
you will live your life.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

We have all watched talent shows featuring nervous contestants. What is
one of the first things the judges often say? They tell the contestant to take
deep breaths to calm their nerves. It’s a fact—taking deep breaths helps you
to concentrate, focus, relax, and calm down. Deeper breaths cause more
oxygen to flow through your bloodstream and help to clear negative energy.
Breathing techniques are often used in yoga and meditation. It removes
negative thoughts and emotions, uplifts your mood, and increases positive
energy. Kapalabhati Pranayama is an ancient practice used to generate
energy in the body and helps with circulation and digestion.
Breathing exercises are very easy and doable. Many people underestimate
its effectiveness because of its simplicity. Don’t let this opportunity for
overall improvement pass you by. Take time during the day to do some
breathing exercises. This exercise may be simple but will surprise you with
its effectiveness.
If you are a sensitive, these exercises will be very beneficial when it comes
to shadow work. During shadow work, you’ll need tools for keeping calm
and relaxed. Breathing exercises should be at the top of your list. Overall,
sensitives are susceptible to stress and anxiety which can impair breathing.
This means that many sensitives lack sufficient oxygen for optimal bodily
and mental functioning. Oxygen plays a big part in cell regeneration, which
means that sensitives suffer from cell depletion.
Toxins that accumulate in the body cannot be flushed out while a person is
in an anxious state, which is why sensitives struggle with a build-up of
toxins as well. Lack of sleep is also harmful, as cell and organ regeneration
takes place while we are sleeping. Sensitives battling anxiety often struggle
with insomnia as well. Breathing exercises are the key to calming the
nervous system and restoring all bodily functions and processes.
Let’s do a little experiment to show how effective deep breathing is. Sit
down comfortably and close your eyes. Are you ready? Imagine that you
are in the wrong place at the wrong time. A house was just broken into and
you just happen to be walking by. The police mistakenly think that you are
the burglar. They shove you against a wall and place you in handcuffs, then
escort you to the back of their vehicle where they unceremoniously throw
you on the back seat. You try to plead your innocence, but it falls on deaf
ears.
Now imagine that you are driven to a police station, then thrown into a jail
cell. You are surrounded by criminals. You end up sitting in a corner,
hoping that everyone will leave you alone. Can you feel the tightness in
your chest? How do you feel overall? Open your eyes, and then close them
again. Get comfortable and take deep breaths. Breathe in and hold your
breath for three seconds, then breathe out for three seconds. Keep on
repeating this until you feel calm and relaxed, emotionally and physically.
Remember—don’t try any new types of exercise, methods, or tools before
discussing them with your physician. Your health status is just as unique as
you are. Something that works for one person will not necessarily work for
another. Always put safety above curiosity.

Learn to Detach
Have you ever known someone, but your friendship or relationship had run
its course? Your connection no longer serves any purpose. Yet, just as you
start to cut the cord from this person, they contact you. Why does this
happen? They can detect the cord being cut. However, if your relationship
with this person truly serves no purpose, or if this was a person who caused
you harm or weighed you down, cut that cord for good. Don’t pity them or
allow them back into your life. Only allow attachments with those who lift
you up and where relationships have a fulfilling purpose.
Sensitives often sacrifice themselves for the happiness or contentment of
others. We are surprised at how selfish or rude other people can be.
However, I think we often mistake selfishness or rudeness with personal
boundaries. There is no shame in placing a boundary. If you know that a
boundary is required, place it. If you feel bad about it, allow the emotion,
process it, and move on. When these emotions are not processed, they can
end up becoming part of your shadow.

Smoke-Out Your Blues

Smoke cleansing (specifically known as “smudging” only for those of
indigenous heritage) involves lighting a small corner of a herb, such as
sage, mugwort, or sandalwood, and blowing it out. This allows the herb to
release smoke while smoldering slowly. It is an ancient practice used to
clear negative energy from specific places and people. To keep the herbs
and ashes contained, you can use a holder such as a large ashtray. This will
help the ash to remain intact. Some people like to use a plate or a large
clamshell. To distribute the smoke, you can use your hand or a large feather.
Start with the crown of your head, distributing the smoke, until you reach
the soles of your feet. Concentrate on the cleansing power, visualizing the
negative energy dispersing and being replaced with positive energy. There
is a science to smoke cleansing with proven benefits, which is why it has
continued to be such a popular practice through the ages.

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Can My Spirit Become Sick?
Just like your mind and body, your spirit can be unwell too. In this section,
we’ll be concentrating on tools you can use to heal your spirit. You don’t
need to be a spiritual person for this to be effective. In psychology, the spirit
is often referred to as a person’s core beliefs, attitude, and core identity.
False beliefs, toxic environments, narcissistic family members or friends
(among many other things) can slowly poison your spirit, filling you with
negative energy. Let’s get spiritual!

Purifying Your Aura

I have come across some people who do not believe that all living things
have an aura. To them, the idea of an aura is too mystical and they see it as
a bunch of “hocus pocus.” But, in fact, we all do have auras. It is an energy
field existing around our physical bodies which can be observed. Beverly
Rubik from the Institute for Frontier Research in Oakland, Calif, uses a
digital Kirlian camera to photograph people’s auras. Your aura can be
affected negatively by experiences, such as past trauma, bad life choices, or
bad relationships. In the same way, your aura can also be affected by
positive experiences.
How can you tell if your aura is charged with negative energy? There are
several symptoms, including feeling exhausted without explanation, feeling
that you don’t belong, clumsiness, frustration, and disconnected emotions.
A positively charged aura is radiant, attracts people, and makes you feel
loved, appreciated, grateful and warm.
You can use the following method to cleanse your aura:
Sit quietly and comfortably, focusing on your breathing—in through your
nose, out through your mouth. Every time you inhale, visualize white light
entering your body. Allow the light to flow throughout your body. Imagine
the light as pure and peaceful energy. Every time you breathe out, visualize
black smoke being exhaled. Watch as it leaves your body and your energy
field. Imagine the black smoke dissolving into the air or ground. Keep on
visualizing the white light as it flows and fills every inch of your body. See
how it glows, bright and white, banishing the black smoke. Repeat the
visualization of the white light until it has filled your entire body and you
feel a change. By the end, you should feel lighter and unburdened.

Miraculous Meditation
As we have seen in Chapter 2, meditation is an essential tool for sensitives.
You can use this method to strengthen your intuition and acquire inner
wisdom. Sensitives need to maintain a calm and healthy mind; meditation
helps you to de-stress and alleviate anxiety, helping to battle the feeling of
becoming overwhelmed. This will also improve your overall mood and
perspective. Meditating frequently can help you disconnect from your
environment, especially if your environment generates negative energy and
stress. Meditation helps your mind to quiet down and opens doors to new
opportunities. Mantra meditation is powerful in that it cleanses your spirit
and revitalizes your energy. It also helps if you feel that energy is blocked
by clearing out these blockages from your chakras. Meditation has a lot of
proven benefits. Currently, between 200 and 500 million people practice
meditation worldwide.
A mantra is a word or phrase that you repeat, either by saying or singing it.
Meditation techniques make use of different mantras. There are countless
options, but the mantra you should be using is one relevant to your life.
Seek out a mantra or mantras that make a difference in your life. Whenever
you speak or sing a mantra, listen to the words and understand their
meaning. Believe in these words. Absorb their energy and in that way, you
empower yourself.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

We all know the word gratitude, but do we truly understand what it means?
It is a bit cliché when you tell someone to be grateful for something because
others don’t have it. But, cliché or not, it is true. I recently watched a video
of a 57-year-old man who received EnChroma glasses as a gift. I could
barely contain my emotions as this man burst into tears. He cried because of
joy. I cried for his joy, but also for my ingratitude. This man has lived for 57
years without the ability to distinguish colors. I have been able to
distinguish colors all my life, yet, I am guilty of taking it for granted. You
can watch the video on YouTube. Search for “James Receives Pilestone
Colorblind Glasses for His 57th Birthday.”
It broke my heart when the man looked up at the trees. That was the
moment he burst into tears. Here I am, walking among beautiful trees every
day, not even noticing it anymore. But for this man the beauty of the trees
was overwhelming. I immediately chose to feel more gratitude. Every time
I see something colorful, I feel gratitude building in my heart, thinking of
all those millions of people who can’t enjoy it.
When you have gratitude, you are surrounded by a shield of positivity.
Gratitude helps you to remain humble, grounded, and calm, even when you
are faced with challenges or negativity. I have found that gratitude is the
one thing that helps to counteract an unhealthy ego. Gratitude attracts
nothing else than positive energy to you and your life. Make it a part of
your morning and nighttime routine. In the morning, write down one, two,
or three things you are grateful for. At night, before you go to bed, read
what you have written, and see if you can add more things to the list.
Perhaps something happened to you during the day that stirred your
gratitude? If so, write it down.

Be Mindfully Kind
As a sensitive, how does it feel when you are kind toward another person or
display an act of kindness? It makes you feel good, doesn’t it? Acts of
kindness can cleanse you from negative energy, filling you with positive
instead. Decide to be kinder through acts such as smiling at strangers,
giving compliments where they are due, giving hugs to those who need
them, holding doors open, and writing notes of inspiration and gratitude for
your friends. But perhaps even more importantly, decide to be kinder to
yourself. You will need this while doing shadow work. Snuff the negative
self-talk and compliment yourself. Treat yourself to a day in the park, a
massage, or a good movie. Realize that you are most deserving of your own
kindness. Did you know that self-hugging is a real and fun thing with
serious benefits? Go on, just try it!
Bells, Chimes, and the Soothing Sound of Water
I’m sure you have heard of feng shui before. Do you make use of feng shui?
You should. Just like mantras, meditation, and mudras, feng shui is an
ancient art developed by the Chinese to improve the flow of energy,
creating harmony between a person and their environment. The words feng
means wind, and shui means water. This means that the elements wind and
water are essential in maintaining a positive flow of energy. The ringing of
bells and wind chimes causes vibrations that help to align energies,
improving the flow of positive energy.
If something left bad energy in your home such as an argument, you can
ring a handheld bell to realign the energy, so the negative energy can flow
out and positive energy flow back in. You can use singing bowls and yoga
chimes to clear and align your chakras and shift energies. Some meditators
like to use music while they are meditating. If you choose to use such
music, it should preferably be instrumental, or with minimal voices. Music
with lyrics can distract you and cause your session to be unsuccessful.
Fountains and water features also have a soothing effect. Have you ever sat
close to a fountain or water feature after a hard day’s work? How did the
sound of the water make you feel? If you haven’t experienced this yet, give
it a try. Don’t just hear the water—listen to it. Feel it. Be fully aware of the
sound it makes. Sound is a powerful way of dealing with energies, as we
will learn in the next chapter.

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Chapter 6:

Using Sound and Smell

In this Chapter, we will be examining the efficacy of music and dancing as

a tool to ease shadow work.
I know most people who are sensitives are shy and reserved, but don’t
worry, you won’t be dancing in front of a crowd. You can use these tools in
the privacy of your home. Later, we’ll also discuss how you can use smell
as a tool. Your senses can be harnessed to make your experience of shadow
work less challenging and more of an adventure.

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The Power of Music
Every great movie has a beautiful and striking original score. Why do
movie producers carefully pick the people who will create and conduct this
music? They know that a good original soundtrack will greatly improve the
quality of the movie. Have you ever thought about the score of your
favorite movies? I suggest that you try an experiment. Try watching your
favorite movie (or at least one of your favorites), but after watching an
action or other dramatic scene, turn down the volume completely and watch
the scene again. Does it have the same feeling? Does it excite you as much
as it did when you could hear the accompanying music? My guess is that it
won’t.
A movie score is carefully orchestrated to fit with every scene. Imagine a
romantic scene where the guy and girl share their first kiss, but the
background music is linked to a chase scene from Terminator. It won’t fit at
all and will confuse your brain completely. Music has the power to create
any mood the film producers want. That is just the power of music—it is a
universal language that can turn your emotions in an instant. Many people,
when they have their hearts broken, listen to songs about break-ups and lost
love. Those who have just fallen in love will listen to appropriate love
songs. Why? Because people have been using music as a way to change
their moods for centuries, if not millennia.
Sensitives are drawn to music. With some music, we as sensitives can truly
feel the heart and emotions of the composer while we listen to their work. I
often feel like I’m finding hidden messages in some types of music. Such
music can often bring me to tears as I marvel at its beauty. And I have to
admit that it sometimes frustrates me when another person listens to this
music, and it does nothing for them. For a sensitive, this can be both a
blessing and a burden. We see and hear things non-sensitives don’t. Still, I
feel that any person can receive the fullness of bliss that comes with good
music. If your heart is open, it can receive. Music can reach deep where the
spoken word cannot.

Does Music Have the Ability to Heal?

According to Markham Heid (2018) research has shown that music can help
a person maintain their mood and alleviate depression. Listening to music
can also increase blood flow by reducing cholesterol. It can reduce the level
of hormones secreted because of stress and anxiety, ease pain, and aid in a
successful recovery after an operation. When you listen to the right music,
neurons fire and can gradually restructure your brain in areas associated
with attention, memory, the regulation of emotions, and ensuring that you
have a positive mood. It also activates specific neurochemical processes
focused on positivity and enhancement.
In 2016, Kim Innes, a professor of epidemiology at West Virginia
University’s School of Public Health, took part in a study focused on the
effect of music on older people who are dealing with cognitive decline.
They found that music has the potential to reduce stress and improve their
mood and overall well-being. In this study, a comparison was made
between the effects of listening to music and meditating. They found that
there were many similar results, such as an improvement in quality of sleep
and overall mood. This means that listening to music and meditation both
have the potential to be powerful tools that can be used for emotional and
physical healing. Even so, I suggest that you do not swap one for the other.
See it this way—you have two easy practices that can serve as powerful
tools to aid in your healing, music and meditation.
However, music that is slower in tempo, has longer notes, and has gradual
chord progressions are more suited for inducing a calming effect. With this
being said, some people claim that listening to heavy metal or hard rock
music has a calming effect on them. This implies that all people do not react
the same to the same kind of music. If you are interested in using music as a
tool for healing, you need to find music that has a calming effect on you.
Some people like to have their heartbeats elevated and feel emotionally
charged, but that is not relaxing. Just because you favor a type of music
doesn’t mean it can be used as a tool for healing. Physical and mental
healing can only come from a state of relaxation and a calm mind.
Professor of psychology Daniel Levitin at the McGill University in Canada,
states that music activates every mapped part of the human brain. Indeed,
music is a universal language. It has the power to bypass rational thought
and reach the places where we have buried our suppressed aspects—our
shadow self. As sensitives become overwhelmed easily, they are more
susceptible to stress and anxiety. When a person experiences stress, their
body produces cortisol, which is also known as the “stress hormone.”
A prolonged period of being exposed to excess cortisol will cause the
person to feel exhausted and induce a state of fight, flight, or freeze. When
a person is under even longer exposure to this state, it can lead to mental
health issues, such as chronic anxiety, depression, or chronic pain. Listening
to soothing music, such as classical or ambient music, reduces the levels of
cortisol, thereby reducing levels of anxiety and stress. Music also has a
positive effect when used for the treatment of mental health. People who
take some time to listen to soothing music are less likely to experience
burnout, even with a busy schedule.
Amazingly, people who listen to music through headphones while under
anesthesia have lower cortisol levels while being operated on. This
improves their post-operation healing process. Were you aware of this
amazing power that is right at your fingertips? Well, now you are, so don’t
excuse it, use it.

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Dive Into Dancing
While soothing music is required (at least for most people) to calm their
minds and relax their bodies, we can release negative energy through
dancing, which requires music that excites and invigorates. Shadow work
often deals with unwanted emotional baggage, things that we hold on to that
are of no benefit to us, such as false beliefs, fears, trauma, and bad habits.
This emotional baggage only accumulates as we go through life if we have
no way of getting rid of it. It does not only affect us mentally, but physically
as well. We are in danger of falling into a loop, or a downward detrimental
spiral, as being physically stagnant leads to a stagnant state of mind, and
having a stagnant state of mind can lead to being physically stagnant. Why?
Because being stagnant causes blockages in the flow of energy.
To get rid of emotional baggage, you need an effective tool. Movement is a
perfect tool to achieve emotional freedom. It is near impossible to force
yourself mentally to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions. This is why
movement is the perfect tool.
While several meditations use movement, you can rid yourself of negative
energy through dancing. No rituals, lessons, or professionality is required.
All you need is a body and music—and of course, the will to get rid of
negative energy. As your movements will be based on your intuition, you
don’t need to worry about how you move or how good you look while
you’re dancing.

Assess Yourself Mentally and Physically

Before you start dancing, you need a baseline to measure your progress.
Think about how you are feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally. If
you want, you can write it down, either on a piece of paper or in a dance
journal. I suggest you use a journal, so you can always go back and see how
far you have progressed over a month, year, or a couple of years.

Pick Your Groove to Move

Which songs make you feel excited and energized? Do you have a favorite
playlist you use at lively parties? Choose a song or a playlist of songs.

This Sensitive’s on Fire!

Listen to the music you have chosen. How does it make you feel? Do you
feel the energy and excitement building up? If so, then good. You’re on the
right track.

Slave to the Music

This step is the most fun—let go and just dance! Don’t think of how good
you are. In fact, don’t think about what you are doing at all. Let your body
move intuitively. Your body will tell you how it wants to move to get rid of
negative energy. Follow its prompts, even if it means shaking your leg like
a wet dog. Expect the unexpected—anything can happen. This kind of
dancing can easily release emotions like tears or laughter. Once, after
dancing for a long time, I even entered a blissful state of oneness. Try it. I
guarantee that you won’t regret it.
If you have friends or there are people in your neighborhood who practice
ecstatic dancing, invite them over once in a while and have an ecstatic
party. Ecstatic dancing is becoming more popular globally. When dancing
along with other people, more energy is gathered, and therefore, more
negativity can be released. It’s all about shared intent. Just go with the flow
and follow the music… and not any rules.

Go Wild for Five Minutes

To make this practice efficient, you should dance for no less than five
minutes. You can dance for a while longer if you feel the need to, but five
minutes of dancing every day is already an amazing tool for removing
negative energy.

Be Mindful of Your Body

Take a moment to feel gratitude toward your body. Focus on how thankful
you are that dancing is something you can do. Bathe yourself in the glow of
your gratitude.

Do Another Assessment
Take a moment to think about how you feel, physically and mentally. Don’t
think about what you have written before you have started. Focus on how
you are feeling now, right after your session of dancing. Do you notice any
changes? Write down how you feel on the next page of your dance journal.
Now, compare your entries. What did five minutes of dancing do for you?
It is such a simple practice, yet so effective. For optimal results, you should
make a habit of dancing every day. If you can’t for whatever reason, try
dancing when you feel irritable and negative. The moment you feel a
blockage in your flow of energy, turn on the music and start moving.

Get Ecstatic
Ecstatic dancing is the method described before in this section. It is dancing
without thinking, allowing your body to guide you. Though dancing has
been present since ancient times across the world, it is used mostly for
entertainment today. Who would have thought that dancing can help with
ailments and even make shadow work less challenging? Now that we know,
there’s no stopping our groovy moves!

The Story of Petra Biro

Few things are as inspirational as hearing a testimony from a fellow
sensitive. This is the story of Petra Biro, a sensitive ballet dancer who found
healing in dancing.
Petra started dancing at the age of six. She always considered dancing to be
a way of communication. Although she was shy, she found that dancing
was a way in which she could fearlessly express herself. To her, dancing
was a natural thing to do. That was until she enrolled at a professional ballet
school. She found the exams to be extremely tough, and also had a hard
time coming to terms with the fact that she wasn’t perfect. At that time, she
was not aware that she was a sensitive. Sensitives are kind and gentle
toward others but can be harsh, critical, and perfectionistic toward
themselves. This made her feel lonely. She had to deal with all this on her
own.
Being a sensitive also had its perks—she was easily able to connect with the
music. Petra was able to memorize choreographies easily, and also found it
easy to stay within the beats of the music without the need to count them (as
many ballet dancers do). It was then that she realized dancing holds a
multitude of benefits, not only for ballet dancers but for anyone who takes
the time to dance, professionally or not. Petra found that dancing improves
balance, flexibility, cardiovascular health, attention, concentration, physical
strength, spatial awareness, and reduces stress. Wow, that’s a lot of benefits!
So, let’s take it from a professional: Dancing is good for you—whether you
practice your secret living-room ballet moves or not.

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Essential Oils
Similar to sound, other senses can also be used to change your mood. The
sense of smell is an effective tool for mood enhancement. For years, real
estate agents have been using the trick of placing freshly baked cookies in
the kitchen whenever they have an open house. Movie cinemas use both
colors and smell to attract people and entice them into buying snacks and
drinks. What is the first thing you smell as you enter the cinema? What else
other than popcorn? Some people who don’t want to spend more money
will either eat something before going to watch a movie or opt for
something cheap. However, just as many people give in to the smell of fresh
popcorn and end up buying it anyway. Chances are they’ll buy even more
snacks.
Or what about when you go to your grandmother’s house and you smell her
cooking? How does it make you feel? I can even mention the smell of rain,
or the tilled earth just after the rain. There are so many examples of how
smell can change anyone’s mood. In this section, we’ll be talking about
essential oils—an essential part of healing during shadow work.

Soothing Your Soul During Shadow Work

Sensitives are prone to be kind toward nature, and nature shows her
gratitude by being kind to us. There are several essential oils that provide
healing and relaxation, especially for sensitives. Some oils can be used
specifically during the course of shadow work. In this section, we’ll look at
essential oils you can use when certain fears embedded in your shadow self
come into the light.
Insecurity
Feeling insecure can cause you to avoid trying new things, as your mind is
trying to keep you in familiar areas and away from the unknown. This
inhibits dreaming and setting goals that can improve your life and make it
amazing. Escape feelings of insecurity by using oils such as marjoram,
clary sage, neroli, and lavender.
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Powerlessness
Feeling powerless can be very crippling, as it causes you to underestimate
your own abilities. Feelings of powerlessness can be remedied by using oils
such as yuzu, peppermint, rosemary, and cedarwood.
Disapproval

Fearing disapproval can cause you to seek approval from any possible
source. This can lead to you becoming a slave to a narcissist or
manipulative person. You can completely lose your own identity in an effort
to please others, simply for their approval. You can fend off the fear of
disapproval by using essential oils such as chamomile, grapefruit,
sandalwood, and bergamot.

Unworthiness
Feeling unworthy can cause us to miss out on many opportunities, as we
feel we are not worthy of unexpected chances or new possibilities. You can
combat feelings of unworthiness with the aromas of patchouli, jasmine,
ylang-ylang, and rose geranium.
Helplessness

Having a fear of not being in control can cause a lot of stress and anxiety.
An overwhelming and prolonged feeling of helplessness—that there is
nothing that can be done to help the situation—can easily lead to an anxiety
disorder. You can take back control of your life and fight this fear by using
aromas such as myrrh, frankincense, geranium, and rose.
As you can see, there is a myriad of essential oils and aromas that can be
used for healing, relaxation, and many other purposes. Oils can be diluted
and used as an ointment, you can disperse the aromas with an essential oil
burner, or you can place a few drops in your bathtub. These oils are simple
to use, effective, and smell great!

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Chapter 7:

More Tools to Ease Stress

In this chapter, we will look at more tools you can use to ease stress,
especially in times of shadow work. We’ll be looking at how you can
ground yourself and improve stability, how you can use the emotional
freedom technique and the benefits of massage therapy. Perhaps one of the
most powerful ways to experience nature is by bathing in her beauty.

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Healing Through Nature
By grounding yourself you connect with the Earth and can then benefit
from this connection’s healing properties. If you are a sensitive, you
probably feel drawn to nature. You are more aware of its beauty and
revitalizing quality, as spending time in a place such as a forest can help in
calming your mind and body, and promote healing.
Sensitives are drawn to nature, such as forests and parks, as these beautiful
and tranquil places help ground us and give us our much-needed peace. The
Japanese created a term for spending time in the forest for the purpose of
healing and finding tranquility—shinrin-yoku, which means “taking in the
forest atmosphere,” or simply put, “forest bathing.” Forest bathing helps us
as sensitives to process, manage, and discard emotional baggage.

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Nature and Her Desire to Help Us
You are certainly already aware that spending time in nature is beneficial. If
you have never truly spent time among the trees, now is a good time to
start. You’ll have a chance to escape from the demands and pressure of your
daily life. You will have to search far and wide to find a more peaceful
place than nature. Just walking alongside trees can restore tranquility in
your heart. Spending just five minutes between trees or in other green
spaces can boost your physical and mental well-being. I found this so
wonderful and inspiring that I became a guide myself. I've learned about
forest bathing techniques and nature connectedness skills to promote
mindfulness in nature. Some benefits of spending time in forests and among
trees are:
● improving your mood
● an increase in positive energy levels
● combat high blood pressure
● acceleration of recovery after surgery or during an illness
● reduced levels of stress
● improving your quality of sleep
● boosting your immune system
● an increase in the ability to concentrate
Plants and trees produce chemicals called phytoncides which help the plants
fight off insects and bad bacteria. It also has antifungal properties. These
compounds become airborne, which means we breathe it in while we spend
time in the forest. This activates our bodies to produce white blood cells
called natural killer (NK) cells. This type of white blood cell attacks and
kills virus-infected and tumorous cells if they are present in our bodies.
Miraculous, isn’t it? Nature is gentle and tranquil, yet works hard to heal us.
Just looking at trees while spending time among them improves your mood,
reduces stress, and lowers your blood pressure. As stress negatively impacts
your immune system, looking at trees will not only reduce anger, fatigue,
depression, confusion, and anxiety but will also improve your body’s ability
to heal. If you happen to live in an urban area, don’t worry. Just look around
your neighborhood. You should find a green space somewhere close by,
such as a park. Perhaps it won’t be as impactful as strolling in the forest, but
it will still bring about a big positive change to your health.
It may be that you have to juggle a hundred tasks a day with a multitude of
things demanding your attention and focus—your job, kids, partner, car,
house, and more. Being in the forest and observing the birds, plants, water,
and just the overall beauty of nature will give the cognitive part of your
brain a much-needed break, which will recharge you mentally and restore
your focus.

Benefits of Forest Bathing

As a child, I felt a deep and strong connection with nature. I even felt a
bond with some of the trees near my home, in some way considering them
to be my friends. Did you have a similar experience? In all the work and
research that I have done, I found that this is not uncommon among
sensitives. Many of us feel the same way. Of course, this caused the other
kids to think of me as a weirdo. As they say, boys will be boys, but
whenever some boys were needlessly breaking branches of a tree or
damaging its bark, I would fight them off (although sensitives are rarely
fighters).
For some time I thought I was the only weird kid until I met Larry. He felt
the same way I did, and I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised to
learn that Larry even had names for some of the trees. I’m not talking about
pine or apple trees. No, he actually named the trees as parents would name
their children. One day, as we were walking among the trees, he said that
Davon was in pain. This puzzled me. We walked until we reached a certain
tree. A quick search and Larry found and removed a nail. Someone had
hammered this nail into a tree, and Larry sensed it!
Did you know that you too can sense a tree’s vibrational energy? To
experience it, stand with your back against a tree and touch it with the
palms of your hands. Relax and feel whether the energy flows upward or
downward. According to Dr. Maja Kooistra, author and research scientist at
the Ministry of Agriculture, Nature Management, and Fisheries in the
Netherlands, trees can be divided into two groups, namely solar and lunar
trees. Solar trees direct their energy into the ground, while lunar trees direct
their energy upward. You probably already know how to tell the difference
innately: Solar trees (oak, ash, walnut, pine) bloom in more wide and wild
patterns, reaching their branches up towards the sun, while lunar trees
(willow, beech, spruce, chestnut) store their energy in their roots, grow low
and deep into the ground, and often have a harder bark shell or canopy to
protect the trunk from direct sunlight.
If you would like your mind to be cleared, I invite you to stand with your
back against a lunar tree for a while. If you feel the need to be grounded,
find a solar tree and feel the energy flowing toward the Earth.
To engage in the practice of forest bathing, go into a forest where it is calm,
yet still safe. Observe everything around you. What do you see? What
colors can you distinguish? What sounds do you hear? Do you hear animals
and birds, or perhaps the bubbling of a stream? Observe the pace of your
steps. What does it sound like as you walk around? What do you smell?
What does the ground smell like? How about the trees and plants? What do
you feel? Do you feel a cool breeze and sunlight on your face? While you
are forest bathing, don’t think too much about your environment. The
objective is to let your senses do all the work. Immerse yourself in the
beauty of nature and let the forest do its work.
There are retreats focused on forest bathing, helping people connect with
nature for healing and relaxation. One of these institutions (which is also
my personal favorite) is The Mindful Tourist (TMT). You can enjoy some
time in the forest, or if you are interested, be trained to become a forest
bathing guide. Is it worth it? For sure! I should know because I did it. There
is a lot to learn, but it is learning with no stress or negative emotion.
Everything you learn is insightful, beautiful, and inspiring.

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Emotional Freedom Technique
Sensitives are called sensitives for a good reason: We are sensitive to
everything and everyone. Our emotions can run wild and often get mixed
with the emotions of others. We don’t only live our own experiences, but
often also the experiences of others. Emotional freedom technique, or EFT
tapping, is the perfect way to deal with this. It is an alternative method for
treating emotional distress and physical pain. It is also known as
psychological acupressure. This method involves tapping the body to
restore the balance of energy, reduce pain, and deal with difficult emotions.
Although around 20% of people are sensitive, it can be hard to find another
sensitive who truly understands you. Larry was the first other sensitive I
ever met, for which I am grateful, as we understand each other, at least most
of the time. Many non-sensitives such as family members, friends, and
colleagues don’t understand or appreciate what it means to be a sensitive.
They will often say things like, “Why are you upset? I don’t understand why
you are acting this way, Can’t you just get over it? or It really wasn’t that
bad.” Do some of these phrases sound familiar?
It is frustrating to see other people, including those who belittle your
sensitivity, seem so lighthearted, happy, and confident all the time. It makes
us as sensitives wonder if these people ever have to deal with emotional
baggage. Mostly, it doesn’t seem that way. Sensitives can be angered or
become agitated easily sometimes. It’s not our fault. However, please don’t
think I’m giving all sensitives the green light for behaving rudely. Besides,
sensitives are kind, caring, and considerate people.

How to Practice EFT Tapping

I’ll be honest, the first time I encountered EFT tapping, it seemed a little bit
strange to me. But after I have tried it, I found it to be unconventional but
highly effective. It is a method used by many therapists worldwide. It
involves tapping on parts of the body with two or four fingers while saying
phrases that acknowledge your emotions. The tapping of the body or parts
of the face affects the nervous system and causes the production of cortisol
and adrenaline, the stress hormones, to shut down. Let’s look at how you
can do EFT tapping—oh, remember, please do this only when it is safe to
do so. For example, don’t try it while driving.
While some jump to dismiss this theory as pseudoscience, it’s really no
different than mindful meditation with a purpose, as the physical touch
grounds you to the present (which is hopefully a safe space) while you
allow your mind to work through difficult feelings, phobias, or memories.
The specific places to tap correlate to acupuncture points, so make sure you
see a professional if you’re serious about learning more about this
technique. It’s also important to have someone with experience leading EFT
to make sure you are not overwhelmed by what may come up, be it eye-
opening, relieving, or unpleasant.
When you are tapping your hand, you will be tapping the side of your hand
where your pinky is, just below the pinky to your wrist, using the tips of
your pointer, middle, and ring finger, and the pinky of your other hand. For
example, if you are tapping your right hand, you will use the four fingertips
of your left hand. When you are tapping parts of your face or your collar
bones, you’ll be using the tips of your pointer and middle fingers. You can
use either one or both hands for tapping the parts of your face and
collarbones. There are many more places and patterns to learn and try; if
you like energy medicine, this could prove useful and powerful.
If you’d like to include EFT tapping as part of shadow work, I suggest you
visit www.highsensitives.com and look for their section on EFT tapping for
highly sensitive people, or you can visit www.emofree.com.

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Finding Release Through Massage Therapy
Sensitives are primarily “givers” rather than “takers.” We love to spoil other
people and treat them with gifts and kind gestures, but often struggle to
receive favors in return. But, we should also be treated kindly and gently
and we owe it to ourselves to do so. Massage therapy can greatly improve
your shadow work experience.

How Massage Therapy Improves Shadow Work

Massage therapy is focused on connecting your emotional history and
trauma with the physical manifestations within your body. It helps you to
connect your muscles and autonomic nervous system to your emotional
experience. Basically, you are uploading a mental experience into your
physical body, so it can be removed through massage therapy. You can find
release from trapped trauma and tension, and have a chance to reconnect
with your body. If you haven’t tried massage therapy, I strongly recommend
it. These therapists are professionally trained to help you heal physically
and mentally.
As a sensitive, it is often difficult to respond to situations or people without
them thinking that you may be losing your mind. Massage therapy can help
improve your emotional responses, how you handle emotions during an
emotional event, the overall well-being of your body, and how your body
reacts to emotional situations. As children, sensitives often create coping
mechanisms as we try to survive the onslaught of life. These mechanisms
aren’t left in our childhood. It is brought with us into our adult life. If the
mechanisms aren’t dealt with, they will continue to affect the way we think
and behave.
The therapists prefer to create a type of relationship between themselves
and their clients. A massage therapist will ensure that their client becomes
fully aware of how their body is feeling, namely in their skin, muscles,
connective tissues, and joints. Through this process, the therapist will be
able to determine the exact spot where the tension resides. The therapist
will often be able to tell the client where the tension originated, such as an
emotional situation. Then, the therapist helps the client to get rid of the
tension (and the possibility of future tension in the same area) by helping
the client deal with the emotional situation that caused the tension.
Massage therapy can also help with grief, depression, stress, and anxiety.
The therapist does this by bringing the client’s body back to feeling the way
it should, which is calm, relaxed, and balanced. This, in turn, will help the
client to feel safe and happy. Massage therapy is perfect to use during
shadow work, as shadow work focuses on what is happening in your head,
while massage therapy is focused on what is happening in your body.

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Hi, I’m Your Shadow; Nice to Meet You
Get ready to say “hello” to your little friend; in this section, we’ll be
looking at the importance of grounding when practicing shadow work.

Grounding Yourself—An Essential Embodiment Practice

As shadow work can be a painful process, especially for sensitives, it is
important to do grounding before attempting shadow work. Grounding is
exactly what it sounds like—it connects you to the Earth, your environment,
and yourself. It serves as a steadfast foundation that will help you to stand
while you are bombarded with a flood of intense and difficult emotions.
These emotions can include jealousy, anger, or greed. Shadow work can
cause you to feel like you are losing control, which makes grounding the
anchor that will help you hold on to reality.
As sensitives, many of us have developed the skill of “leaving our bodies.”
We can allow our minds to travel anywhere, as long as our consciousness is
not in the present moment. This happens when we are in an emotional or
traumatic situation. However, for shadow work to be successful, you need
to be in your body in the present moment. Shadow work breaks you down
to your core until it is revealed who you truly are. You may question your
identity, even becoming unsure of who you are supposed to be. While your
mind may be going in many directions, your body remains in one place.
Grounding makes your body the place you can come back to whenever you
need to.
During shadow work, your body is like a ship that you take right into a
fierce storm. While the storm is frightening and feels threatening, you trust
in the safety of your ship. Through grounding, you have ensured that your
anchor is tight and secure, which means that you cannot drift away
meaninglessly. Your mind will be traveling in various directions: into the
past, alternate realities as you think about how things could have been
different, and into the future as you think about how things could be. This is
why your body must be anchored.
Sensitives view the Earth as a protective mother. Grounding creates a direct
connection with the Earth. When you establish this connection, you share
the Earth’s energy and make it your own. This will make shadow work
more significant—the journeys you go through to find healing and peace
will not only be for yourself but the planet as well. The Earth wants to
provide you with nurture, safety, and wisdom. It is available to you. Just
reach out and take it. Then use it.

Grounded Meditation for Shadow Work

For focus and clarity, you need to ground yourself before starting your
meditative session. You connect with the energy of your physical
environment and the spiritual energy around you. Let’s look at some
methods you can use to establish your connection with the earth.
● Walking barefoot on grass is a great way to allow the Earth’s
energy to connect with your own. You can also walk on wet sand
or dirt. While you are walking, focus on how the Earth feels
beneath your feet. Allow your energy to connect with the energy of
the Earth.
● Make a different connection by interacting with a tree or another
living organism.
● You can also use earthing patches, earthing bands, or an earthing
mat to strengthen your connection to the Earth’s energy while you
meditate.

Why Grounding Is So Powerful

Many sensitives use their time in nature for a practice called grounding or
earthing. During this practice, you are in nature, standing on the ground
barefoot. Image roots growing from underneath your feet deep into the
earth. There’s a science to it—the Earth contains vast amounts of electrons.
Because of modern-day living, we do not come in touch with the electrons
anymore. These electrons can enter our bodies while we practice grounding.
They have healing properties and are powerful in healing us mentally and
physically. Some people can’t get to forests or green areas, unfortunately.
But that doesn’t mean that there’s no hope. You can buy an earthing sheet or
any other earthing product that you find available. You can use this sheet, or
product, while you are sleeping. The product, such as an earthing sheet,
connects you to the Earth and provides you with healing electrons.
Grounding is all about making contact with the Earth. Besides, walking
barefoot is healthier than wearing shoes—unless you’re walking over urban
streets with broken glass or scalding hot concrete. Most nerve endings are
found in the soles of our feet. This enables us to establish deeper
connections with the Earth. I believe that this is the reason our feet
sometimes sweat. The moisture allows our feet to become more conductive,
thereby allowing a stronger connection to the Earth. Let’s take a look at
some evidence-based benefits of grounding:
● improved the quality of sleep
● a decrease in pain
● a decrease in stress response
● quicker healing of wounds
● healed inflammation
● improved cortisol rhythm
● reduced blood viscosity
● increased heart rate variability—which improves emotional
resilience, recovery, and overall well-being (Missimer, 2021)

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The Big Finale
In this section, with your knowledge and tools in place, you’ll find some
suggested steps into the dark and adventurous practice of shadow work.

Dedicate Time and Space

Shadow work can take a long time. If you are planning to do shadow work,
make sure that you have enough time to be alone—which excludes, of
course, a person you want to be with you for support. If someone is with
you, don’t make funny comments or jokes about shadow work. It is quite
serious and honestly no laughing matter. Your mental and physical health
depends on the success of your session of shadow work. You can listen to
guided meditations for shadow work, which is why a guided meditation is
included in this book. You can also find other guided meditations that are
suitable for sensitives to help guide you through your process of shadow
work.
Make sure your space is as comfortable as possible, with enough blankets,
pillows, and drinks, such as water or tea. You can light some candles for
ambiance and incense for aroma. Sit down comfortably for some time,
deeply thinking about yourself. Ask yourself which of your aspects you
dislike and feel is worthy of rejection. If you need help, you can listen to the
guided meditation.

Shining a Spotlight on Your Shadow

Be fully aware of how you feel and keep track of your emotions. You can
identify your shadow through emotional responses. You’ll know you have
touched on your shadow when you feel fear, disgust, sadness, irritation,
anger, or any other negative emotion. Your body will react to your shadow
as well, through things such as becoming uncomfortable, feeling chills,
shaking, and increased heat. Talk to your shadow. Tell your shadow that
you are not angry, but forgiving. Let your shadow come into the light gently
and carefully.
Start Writing
Write down everything about yourself that you don’t like. Also write down
things in others that you don’t like (disliking something in another person
often mirrors something we don’t like about ourselves, subconsciously).
Carl Jung stated, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an
understanding of ourselves” (Mr Purrington, 2019). This type of writing is
non-confrontational, but rooted in the need for self-love, which means it is a
perfect method for sensitives. Keep in mind that the entire process of
shadow work should not be rushed. It can take many hours, so be patient.
After you have written all your dislikes, write down everything you like
about yourself and others. Next, write down all the beliefs you have that
you think are damaging and then all the beliefs you have you believe are
positive and good for your overall well-being. Write every new thing on a
new line.
Understand that there is a law that is applicable here. It is called the law of
duality. All people have a shadow self. Some of the things you love seeing
in others are part of your shadow, while some of your best traits are part of
other people’s shadows. And all of this is perfectly natural. It is like yin and
yang, all of mankind has a light and shadow self.
Categorize and Rate

Next, try to categorize all of the things you don’t like, such as love, body,
and emotions. Don’t worry about how many categories there should be. It is
completely up to you. Next, determine how strong their presence is in your
life. Give them a rating between one and ten.

Accept That Your Shadow Is a Part of You

Look at everything you have written. This is who you are. You may feel
flawed, but remember, this is how we all were created. Humankind is
flawed. This keeps us humble and grateful. Those who don’t want to accept
their flaws are doomed to self-loathing and self-resentment. If we can
accept who we are, we can live in peace and harmony with our shadow
selves.
Decide That You Will Love Your Shadow

Your shadow is not a separate part of you. It is part of who you are. There is
no changing that. Just as you accept and love all that is good about you, you
should do the same for your shadow. Your experiences and pain brought
your shadow to life. When you have unconditional love for your shadow,
you will have a love for yourself and those around you. Look upon your
shadow with kindness and mercy, like a loving parent would look at their
imperfect child.
Keep in mind that you may have to do shadow work several times before
you find the healing you desire. Making peace with another person doesn’t
just fix things instantly. It is the same with your shadow. Living with your
shadow is an adjustment that can be challenging at times.

Understand the Role of Your Shadow

When you have identified your shadow, you can now live in acceptance.
Remember that there is a difference between identifying your shadow and
identifying with your shadow. Although your shadow is part of who you
are, you are not your shadow. Some aspects of your shadow cannot change,
but you can still manage these traits and stop reacting whenever they are
triggered.

Living With All That You Are

As you adjust and accept that you must live with all your aspects, both light
and shadow, you become stronger, wiser, and empowered. There is
inexplicable freedom that comes with accepting one’s shadow. You’ll be
braver, more authentic, and more compassionate. You’ll even be able to
love and accept others when they show you their dark side.
Above all, understand that one of the most important traits you can have is
acceptance. And accepting yourself is far more important than gaining or
craving the acceptance of others. I place into my words all my love and
energy so you can make it your own. You are a worthy person. You are
sensitive but strong, kind but fierce, vulnerable yet powerful.

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OceanofPDF.com
Conclusion

As a sensitive, it is essential to do shadow work. The world can be

overwhelming and taxing, draining us of positive energy, or injecting us
with negative energy. We need to find balance, healing, and tranquility to
which there is a powerful solution—shadow work.
Being sensitive is an innate trait shared by sensitives and empaths and is
associated with higher responsivity to environmental and social stimuli. In
simpler words, a sensitive’s brain reacts with a heightened response when it
comes to memory, self-other processing, and awareness. However, we are
not simply biochemical machines where who we are is determined by our
DNA. We have the ability to create and unfold our own lives. This means
we are not the victims of genetics or circumstance but have the power to
take control of our lives and live the way we want to.
Did you know that your genes turn on and off, depending on your
circumstance or environment? Where you live, who you interact with, and
what you eat will influence the expression of your genes. Your genes are a
blueprint, which means they will activate according to your environment
and the perception of those you closely interact with. Sensitives need
nourishing environments and have the potential of becoming change-
makers, leaders, environmental activists, or someone who can express their
creativity, such as writers and painters.
In Chapter 1, we learned about people who are sensitive. We saw that they
can be divided into three groups: sensitives, highly sensitive people, and
empaths. Sensitives and highly sensitive people are more attuned to their
environment and other people. They experience emotions and sensory input
on a much deeper level. Empaths can be emotional sponges, absorbing the
emotions of others. This can cause confusion as the empath can’t always
distinguish between their own emotions and that of others. It is important to
remember that being a sensitive is not a disability or a burden, but a gift. If
you are a sensitive, learn to love and embrace this and understand that there
is a purpose for your gift.
In Chapter 2, we talked about the importance of improving your self-esteem
before starting with shadow work, as shadow work can be challenging.
Facing aspects that are suppressed into your shadow self can cause negative
emotions, fear, and anxiety. For this reason, it is a good idea to incorporate
meditation into your shadow work session. Meditation clears your mind and
has a calming effect. For shadow work to be successful, you need to be as
calm and level-headed as possible. There are several aspects that feel
uncomfortable that will come into the light, such as false beliefs, fears, and
trauma. You were then provided with a guided meditation that helps with
shadow work. It guides you to bring your shadow self into the light,
embrace and accept it, and make the decision to accept yourself fully for all
you are.
In Chapter 3, we examined energy and how it affects us. Sensitives tend to
draw energy from other people and their environments, whether these
energies are positive or negative. Sensitives need to shield themselves from
negative energy. Words that are thought, read, or spoken contain energy that
can be transferred. Sensitives can easily pick up on the energy of others and
pick up on their intention, simply by observing their body language, facial
expressions, words, and vibrations. Because sensitives are easily
overwhelmed by sensory information, they are more vulnerable to illness.
Stress and anxiety caused by sensitivity can be harmful to the sensitive’s
immune system, impairing their bodies’ ability to protect them from
becoming ill. This makes shadow work even more essential.
In Chapter 4, we discussed the power of the mind. We are being
programmed from a very young age. The things we are taught program our
minds, such as beliefs of the family, culture, and close society and what the
people around us view as acceptable and unacceptable. Our brains consist
of three parts, the cerebellum, the cerebrum, and the brain stem. The
cerebellum is the conscious mind and the part we use for purposes such as
conscious decision-making, judgment, and learning. The cerebrum is a
smaller part of the brain and is where the subconscious resides. Many of the
things that we suppressed can be found here. The information stored in the
cerebrum is what triggers us when we see something that causes an
emotional response. We then talked about mindsets, and how you can go
about reprogramming your mind.
In Chapter 5, we looked at tools you can use to heal your body, mind, and
spirit. Tools for healing your body include taking a mindful bath, using
hand gestures called mudras, exercising, smiling, and using crystals. Tools
for healing your mind include breathing exercises, cutting connections with
relationships that no longer serve a purpose, and smoke cleansing. Tools for
healing your spirit include purifying your aura, meditation, practicing
gratitude, and using the sounds of bells, chimes, and water.
In Chapter 6, we talked about how you can use sound and smell as tools for
healing. Music is powerful and can easily change a person’s mood.
Relaxing music can improve your body’s immune system, calm you down,
and help you to get a good night’s sleep. Dancing is a very effective way to
clear your body from negative energy. We read the story about Petra Biro, a
professional ballet dancer who discovered the benefits of dancing at a
young age. As a sensitive, Petra was struggling with emotions and stability,
until she started dancing. We then turned to smells and discussed the
benefits of several essential oils that are perfect for sensitives and shadow
work.
In Chapter 7, we examined the powerful effect nature has on sensitives.
Trees and plants give off chemicals called phytoncides, which protect plants
and trees from bacterial and fungal infections. As you walk through the
forest during a session of forest bathing and breathe in this chemical, it
activates your body to create natural killer white blood cells. These cells
target cells that are tumorous and infected with viruses. Grounding is
essential, as it provides stability during shadow work. The Earth contains
countless electrons that have a positive healing effect on your body.
We learned that trees can be divided into two groups, according to their
flow of energy. There are solar trees where the direction of their energy
flow is toward the Earth, and lunar trees where the direction of their energy
flow is upward, toward the sky. You can experience the energy flow by
standing against the tree with your back and placing your palms on the tree.
The energy from lunar trees can be used to clear your mind, while the
energy from solar trees can be used for grounding yourself. We also
discussed emotional freedom technique, or EFT tapping, and how to
practice it. We then talked about the benefits of incorporating massage
therapy into shadow work. Having the emotional baggage manifest in your
body massage therapy is effective in removing the tension physically.
If you found this book to be inspiring to you or helpful in any way, please
kindly leave a positive review on Amazon—with your own story if you’re
comfortable with it.
Now that you have all the tools you need and more, you can do shadow
work safely, embracing and loving all that is a part of you.
You can't run from your shadow, but you can invite it to dance.

OceanofPDF.com
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