💶
How To Win Friends And
Influence People
Author Dale Carnegie
Fiction? Non-Fiction
Genres Business Life Advice
Notes Status Currently Reading
🚀 The Book in 3 Sentences
🎨 Impressions
Who Should Read It?
☘️ How the Book Changed Me
💡 How my life / behaviour / thoughts / ideas have changed as a result of
reading the book.
✍️ My Top 3 Quotes
How To Win Friends And Influence People 1
📒 Summary + Notes
Part one
1. Criticism is ineffective 🚫
Criticism , often comes across as an unwanted opinion that can be both
constructive and destructive. It is similar to an unexpected guest at a
family gathering who might offer valuable advice or leave everyone in a
state of discomfort.
From a psychological standpoint, criticism can be a bitter pill to swallow.
It can lead to a variety of reactions that undermine its effectiveness:
When faced with criticism, people tend to instinctively try to defend
themselves against the attack on their identity or competence by
justifying their actions instead of trying to make a change.
And let's not forget the impact on self-perception. In our minds we
think we have creating our own image of ourselves and when
someone criticizes you feel like you have failed. As the wise Hans
Selye once said, 'As much as we crave approval, we dread
condemnation.'”
Moreover it also worsen performance. Research shows that criticism
can actually worsen performance. In a study involving a car company
using AI to give feedback on driving, drivers became more reckless
under criticism, speeding up and taking risky turns. Professor Nass
sums up it up by saying that "even stunningly accurate criticism may
not be constructive
Criticism can be unevenly distributed among different genders and
racial groups, which can create diversity issues in the workplace.
Research indicates that women receive more criticism than men,
which can lead to resentment and negatively impact performance
🤔
2. If you avoid criticism, how do you provide feedback?
People need feedback, but it should avoid being harsh. Here are some
ways through which effective feedback can be provided.
How To Win Friends And Influence People 2
Actionable Feedback: Effective communication often requires finding
ways to make others feel understood and appreciated by
understanding their situation or circumstance and providing feedback
to solve that. William James one said “The deepest principle in
human nature is craving to be understood”. This can translate into
providing feedback that is constructive and focused on solutions
rather than criticizing past mistakes.
Personal vs. Professional Feedback: Be careful with personal
feedback. Stick to work-related areas and avoid generalizations
about a person's character or demeanor
Recognizing Biases: You might unintentionally give more personal
criticism to certain groups, particularly women and minorities
Sandwich Approach: Where feedback is delivered by sandwiching
constructive criticism between positive comments. This can help
soften the impact of the criticism and make it more digestible. It
encourage fostering connection, and building a strong connection is
often facilitated by positive comments and compliments.
Example:
Positive Comment: "Your presentation skills are impressive, and
you engage the audience really well."
Constructive Feedback : "Consider incorporating more visuals to
enhance the overall impact."
Positive Comment: "The content is strong, and with a bit more
visual appeal, it will be outstanding!"
Changing "But" to "And" Approach: The "but" to "and" approach
involves replacing the word "but" with "and" to create a more
positive and collaborative tone when expressing contrasting ideas.
Example
Original Sentence: "I like your idea, but it needs more details."
How To Win Friends And Influence People 3
Revised Sentence: "I like your idea, and adding more details will
🎣
make it even stronger."
3. Choose the right bait for the fish you're after.
Influencing people refers to the ability to persuade someone to think or
act in a manner that aligns with your desired outcome. And to
successfully influence people, several strategies needs to be in use.
Understand Their Desires: We human are only interested in our own
desires and goals. So in order to influence someone you need to
know what they want and how your actions can help them achieve
those wants similar to concept choosing the right "bait" for the
person you wish to influence.
This includes identifying the target audience, the context, and the
reasons for needing their support, as well as considering
potential responses and mutual agreements
Create Urgency or Desire: Arouse an "eager want" in others for the
outcome you're advocating for . This builds a sense of urgency that
can drive action according to Harry A. Overstreet. So before you
persuade someone ask yourself ” How can I make him do it”.
For Example: A lecturer gives lecture in a hotel and he was given
notice of increased rent, which he didn't wanted to pay , so he
persuaded him to act in a manner which suits his desired
outcome using the art of “choosing the right bait for the fish your
after” He focused on the manager's interests (profit and
advertising) rather than just the speaker's own interests (reduced
rent). By showing that the manager could benefit from the
lectures (through free advertising and attracting a cultured
crowd), the speaker was able to persuade the manager without
directly arguing against the rent hike.
Put Yourself in Their Shoes: Try to see things from the perspective
of the person you're trying to influence. Understanding their needs,
desires, and concerns can help you tailor your approach to resonate
with them.
How To Win Friends And Influence People 4
Mutual Benefit: Ensure that the negotiation or interaction is
beneficial for both parties involved. It's not about manipulation for
your benefit alone; instead, each party should gain something from
the interaction
In a nutshell
PRINCIPLE 1 - Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
PRINCIPLE 2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation
PRINCIPLE 3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want.
How To Win Friends And Influence People 5
