4 Steps to Becoming a Softer, Feminine Woman Amanda Ferguson

I came from a very, very hard childhood. I came from a very very depressed mother and a drug
addicted father. I still remember being eight and nine years old, running to the kitchen, and my mom
would stop me in the hallway with this look of terror because I kept smelling a very awful smell. I
didn't know what it was at first, but of course, being very curious, I finally found myself in the kitchen,
discovering what it was.And it was my father cooking crack cocaine on our kitchen stove.Then as a
pre-teen, I got molested by my youth pastor at my church, and so all I knew was fear and terror, and
abandonment and rejection and so many issues that traveled into my life that caused me to become a
rebellious teenager. I went to college and just fully just had a wild experience.I was looking for love in
all the wrong places. I started excessively drinking, smoking marijuana, as well as even every day, I
had a pack of black and mild cigars or cigarillos.

Nothing about my nature at that time wanted to be soft because I was in a huge fight mode. But you
know what happened? I realized one day that living in the past in my trauma wasn't serving me, it
wasn't taking me to my future.In fact, it was sabotaging my future. And I decided to make a change.
So if you're listening to this it’s probably because somewhere along the way you realize I want to
make a change and I'm ready right now. So if I were to go back to tell my younger self some things of
how to become soft, I would have four steps.And these are the four steps that I took in my life to
completely flip myself upside down, turn myself right side up. And I just want to I just want you to
know that you can do this same thing, too.Now, this is about to be a power packed masterclass. This
is not just something that I'm recording because I have something to do, but I really believe that this is
an invitation from heaven for you to have a deposit of something that can change your life.And from
here on out, I believe that today a seed will be planted that will cause you to continue to blossom and
desire to transform even more. So without further ado, let's talk about the four steps to becoming
this softer, feminine woman.
Number one, softening your heart. That's right. Softening your heart. Now being abused and coming
from the type of life that I lived, being in, being in the type of toxic city environment that I was
in.Being soft just did not seem like it was a fun thing to do.And what I had to learn was the way I
learned to soften my heart was going to Jesus and having a personal relationship with Him. No, this is
not one of those teachings where I tell you to go sit with your inner child and meditate and do any of
that, because I realize that in order for you to get back to God's original design for you, then you have
to sit with the Creator.You have to sit with the one who created you, who created you with that hear
t, who created you with that tenderness? Who created you with the desire to even want to be soft. I
always say it like this. There are some women who may say, Well, I don't know if God created me to
be tender. I don't know if he created me to be that way.And there's always a perfect analogy that I
have. If you've ever nursed a baby, you know that at a certain time, even if you have not nursed in a
while, but it is not necessarily time to feed yet. If you're around your baby and that baby cries, what
happens to your milk?It starts to flow because your body was created to respond to the cries of
someone in need. I found this out the hard wayI was in the store and my baby wasn't with me. But
another baby cried, and I didn't have on any nursing pads. And my milk started flowing so hard that I
looked up and my shirt was drenched.I just left the whole cart and ran out of there. Why am I telling
you this? Because even though it wasn't my baby, I didn't even know the baby. God put a sensor in
my body that wants to nurture, it wants to be tender. So maybe along the way you've lost that. And
you've been so afraid to be in touch with that.Now, with the Lord. You can get it back.
So to become this softer, feminine woman, I had to spend time with Jesus and I had to spend time in
worship. So how I would do it is I would cut out some worship music. And there's so many different
types of beautiful worship music. I'm not saying gospel music and I'm not saying, you know, very
strong praise music.I'm saying worship music. Why? Because worship keeps you soft. It was in that
time of worship that tears would start to flow down my eyes and I felt safe. See, in order to feel safe
with yourself and in order to feel safe with other people, you first need to feel what it feels to be safe
with your Heavenly Father, the one who made you.And so as tears would roll down my eyes, initially,
it would feel very uncomfortable because I was always told that I was weak or I was, you know, too
soft. And so crying was not something that was ever encouraged. But in worship, I was safe. I was
with my father. I was with my Heavenly Father, who created me.I could be safe to be that way. And as
I began to worship, the Lord began to heal the parts of my heart that were that didn't want to be soft.
Because he began to heal some of my broken hearted pieces. One of my favorite scriptures that I
often teach is Psalms 147:3, Psalms 147:3.It says in the Amplified Bible, he heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds, healing their pain, and comforting their sorrow. That is such a promise.
And I've seen God do this time after time with my heart and layers of the hardness and toughness
began to fall off. I'm saying layer after layer began to fall off.There's another promise in this scripture
that He would often highlight to me, and there's a scripture that comes from Ezekiel 36:26. This is
about the heart. Ezekiel 36:26. It says a new heart. Also, will I give you and a new spirit will I put
within you? And I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh and I will give you a heart of
flesh.Do you know what that means? The Lord is saying, I'll take out that that hard, that brash, that
that very rough heart. And I'll give you a heart of flesh. A heart of flesh is a tender heart. It's a heart
that's just so open and vulnerable. And I know if you've been in a very calloused environment, you
don't always want this type of heart, but this is the king of heart that Jesus loves.He loves a tender
heart. And He said, I will give you a heart of flesh. So when I
pend time in worship and I allow him to give, that to me, it’s such a beautiful exchange. The last
scripture that I want to highlight to you is this one here, Proverbs 4:23. It says above all else, guard
your heart for everything you do flows from it.Now when people hear the word guard, they
automatically think to shut out. But now I want to paint another analogy for you. Have you ever gone
somewhere? And there was a guard outside and what did that guard do? The guard didn't keep
everybody out. He kept out the people who were not supposed to be in. And he let in the people who
were supposed to be in.That means your heart shouldn't be shut off from people, but it should be
selective from the people that you allow in your heart and what you allow in your heart. It says, wait a
minute, bitterness. No, you're not allowed here rejection. No, you're not allowed here. Pride. No,
you're not allowed here. But tenderness and love and humility and all these all the beautiful things
you're allowed here.So when you think about God in your heart, think of it in the matter of you being
a guard, saying, All right, let me make sure the right things are coming in and let me make sure the
wrong things are staying out. That's how you begin to soften your heart.Number two, softening your
mannerisms. Yes. Let's talk about it, softening your mannerisms. Coming from their lifestyle of and oh,
I forgot to tell you all. I used to fight a lot to all the time I used to in college I loved to fight people.
Why? because I wanted to feel like I was getting somebody back for all the pain and trauma that I had
endured.And so after I gave my life to Jesus, I realized that even though my life was different, my
mannerisms weren't different. So I started paying very close attention to the way I did things. My
movements. So one thing that I tell women when they are learning how to walk more elegantly is to
take shorter, quicker steps. My steps used to be huge.The huge, just huge steps. Now, you take a step
back and you start walking more swift, quicker steps. I started paying attention to my posture. How
was I sitting?How was I holding my legs when I sat down? How did I hold my shoulders? As a matter of
fact, if you're sitting down and you're listening to me right now, how
about you take a minute and roll your shoulders back and see how that feels?Now, initially, it may not
feel comfortable, but I can promise you you'll feel so elegant. That's right. Take a moment and just roll
those shoulders back. I paid attention to the way I move my body, the way I walked, the way I enter
the room, the way I ate. I just paid attention to the smallest things. The elegance isn't about having a
set of rules and being this softer, feminine woman isn't about having a set of rules.It's about paying
close attention to how you do certain things. And so when you're working on being this softer and
graceful and tender woman, you focus on everything. Can I tell you one of the biggest secrets to that?
It’s just taking your time. It’s taking your time to pay attention to the things that you used to overlook.
I pay attention to everything.I do everything. So I want you to do that. Next time you have a moment,
I want you to get a full length mirror. And I want you to walk yourself walked. I want you to watch
yourself walk to the mirror. And then after you do that a few times and you make note that I want you
to change your shoes because maybe you walk more elegantly in heels, but that is sneakers.Or maybe
you do better in sneakers, but not in heels. So can I stretch you a little bit? Can I stretch you to put on
several different types of shoes and see what your mannerisms look like then? Can I stretch you for
the next few days? That as you sit down to just roll those shoulders back, make sure those knees and
those legs and those ankles are together when you sit down and just see how you feel. I can
guarantee you'll feel very feminine. When I put on my Instagram, How to elegantly enter and exit the
vehicle, you can go look I have four different versions. Women love it. They love seeing another
example, a different example of how to just gracefully and elegantly get in and out of a car.I can be
honest with you. My mom didn't teach me this. I wasn't taught this by any woman in my family. For
the one time, I actually saw this on television. And that was just so just enamored with the way she
looked as she got in and out of her vehicle. These are the little things that I started paying attention
to, to soften my mannerisms.
Now it's become such a part of my day is the only way I can get inside my vehicle. And it just makes
me feel very dainty and feminine and girly, where I used to just plump down in my chair or plump
down in my car, or plump down on my couch. Now I'm taking extra note of actually what I'm doing.It's
all a part of my mannerisms.Number three, this one is a big one. Softening our tone. yes, softening
your tone. A lot of people say that they love hearing me on my reels, on my my podcast and things
like that. And I've always had that I was raised with the softer voice. I've always pretty much had a
softer voice, but I didn't always like it because I felt like people would tease me and make fun of
it.Isn't it funny how the things that people tease sometimes is actually your greatest strength, but
they just don't have a revelation of it? There are some of you that are listening to this masterclass
right now and you have been wanting to be more feminine, but the people around you have teased
you for it. You know why? It is because they don't have a revelation of femininity.They don't know
that femininity is tender power and gentle strength. And they probably don't have a revelation of how
unique and special you are. So don't take it personal. Softening my tone definitely took much
intention because coming from that type of life where I loved to fight and I loved to use profanity,
what it was was I wanted to be in control because when I was being molested, I was not in
control.And so every part of me wanted to be in control. So you know what that means. That means
as you're learning how to soften your tone, you also have to learn how to be humble. You also have to
learn how to be meek. Those are two words that I want you to personally study, how to be humble
and how to be meek.There's so many promises in the Bible concerning those two words, and now I'm
giving you even more homework for you to seek those out and study it because they will be life
changing. Softening My tone has been one of the best things for my marriage and for me being a
mom and for me just being a friend because I'm not in control of my husband.I'm not in control of my
children. I'm only in control of myself. My mom used to tell me growing up, Amanda it’s not what you
say, but it's how you say it. A lot of times we don't understand that our tone can damage
relationships. They can damage relationships that we have with people who we really, really love. But
we have to take responsibility for that.And you may say, well, how can I work on my tone? Well, a
practical way is going
to the people that you love the most and ask asking them, Hey, what what do I convey in my tone? Do
you feel like my tone is tender? Do you feel like it's loving or do you feel like it's brash? Do you feel
like it's condescending?And take note of that. Remember, we're working on our humility, so we also
have to be humble enough to be able to take the type of criticism that we need. Constructive
criticism, not criticism where someone is tearing you down, but be humble enough to receive the
feedback so we can grow. So I often go to my husband and I'll ask him, Hey, what?How do you feel
like my tone is? Or I'll go to my children and I actually have a code with my children. I've said this in
another reel. But there was a time where I felt like my children were still telling me “what?” all the
time, and it was driving me bonkers. And then the Lord was like, Hey, you don't like that, right?So why
do you say that to them? If you want to see a different example in your children, then you have to be
a different example first. And so I started making sure my tone was softer towards them. And a lot of
that came with what slowing down. I realized the more I was busy and hectic and just couldn't seem
to catch my way, the more it was easier for me to be short with them or quick with them or irritable
with them.Now they're little humans. They deserve respect. They deserve that tender care. And so I
had to learn how to slow myself all the way down and get down to their eye level. Even though now
you know, they are getting taller. My order to almost as tall as I am, but just getting it at their eye
level and really hearing them and listening to them.There's something about being a feminine woman
and growing in femininity that really desires to connect with people in a deep way and and know their
viewpoint. And not just yours. See, Pride comes, It seeks to make sure that you're heard or that you're
understood. And when you can show up with empathy and care and consideration, that's how deep
connections are forged because it's no longer just about you.So when you are softening your tone,
you're realizing that, yes, what I may say is true, but how I say it could be damaging and I don't want
to do my relationships like that again. It takes humility. It takes walking with the Lord desiring to
please Him, and it takes a really listening to the feedback of the people who are closest to you, people
who you can trust that can tell you the truth, that can say, you know what?I know you mean well, but
I don't like the way you said that. I can guarantee you, you'll watch your relationships begin to
deepen. And the last one. Number four,
softening your soul. Now, this is a little bit jam packed the number four, and I'll tell you why. Your soul
is comprised of your mind, your will, and your emotions.Again, let me repeat your soul, is your mind,
your will, and your emotions. So let's take this one by one and tackle this because it's all a part of your
soul. So your mind. So I used to deal with bitterness a lot. And here's what the Lord told me about
bitterness. He said, Amanda, the first time you read something or you see something or something
happens to you, the first the first time you receive it is information, but the more you keep thinking
about it, now it's turned into meditation and that's not good.The Lord gave us instructions on how to
meditate. He told us to meditate on the Word day and night, but he didn't tell us to meditate on who
did what to us, why they did it to us. What happened to me? 30 years ago, who I need to get back. I
need to get revenge. These are all bad and that does nothing to your soul but have it in a constant
state of chaos and just.Just all bad things. So to start off softening your soul, you first have to ask
yourself, What thoughts am I thinking? Am I thinking that there is a scripture that talks about what
type of thoughts you should think? It tells us whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are good
whatsoever things have a good report. Think on these things.And so many times our minds are
polluted by things that we have no business meditating on. People are surprised about this, but I
don't watch trash television. I don't watch any Housewives shows. I don't watch anything that I don't
want to stick in my mind because I understand that my mind is real estate. My mind is special. I don't
want all types of things in my mind.So I encourage you to go on it on some type of television detox. I
don't watch trash television. I don't watch the news. When was the last time you turned on the news
and they had good news? They have news, but it's not good news. So I don't watch the news. I don't
keep up with the latest thing happening in the world.Why? Because I don't want to understand that I
get very sensitive and I get very overloaded by so many things. And so I decided that I was not going
to allow those things into my mind. So I encourage you, if you feel like you end your days and you go
and watch trash television and you go and watch a whole bunch of news that is is fearful things, no. I
would recommend you not do that, especially if you know that it's not doing anything to soften up
your mind.A couple of years ago, I found out that I had adrenal fatigue and a part of my adrenal
fatigue was really me trying to do everything and be everything for everybody. Last year, I changed all
of my programs. I closed quite a few of them,
and I decided that I only wanted to work with a select group of women, women who already
knew what they wanted, women who were go getters, women who didn't want to wallow in
misery and feel like life is terrible, but who really wanted to step up to the plate and take
responsibility and transform their lives.And so most of my focus has been on my premier
academy called Feminine Woman Academy, where women are learning how to make over their
lives in four distinct areas, four distinct schools. And so why am I saying this? Because even me
knowing this, I got in the trap of trying to do too much for too many people. And I realized that I
was trying to bring people out of a pit that they didn't want to be brought out of.And sometimes
the reason why your mind is so cluttered with so many things right now is because you're really
trying to save people who don't want to be saved. There's one savior. His name is Jesus, and I
decided to show up for myself in a different way, show up for my family in a different way, show
it for my clients.And I started it in a different way. A It had literally 10x my life. I feel like I have
the dream in my academy's application. Only so people have to fill out an application and have a
call with our concierge enrollment specialists to figure out if we're good fit that I'm telling you,
doing it this way turned off a lot of people because a lot of people felt like, you know, maybe I
was too expensive or they didn't want to go through the extensive process.But you know what it
did? It grabbed the right people and it gave me peace of mind because our children go to private
school and a private school. It's a pretty lengthy process. You fill out an application. We have to
have a parent interview. Our children have to have children, staff interviews, then we have to get
an admission letter.We have to wait for that. And then, of course, we have to pay private school
fees to get in. And I realize they were doing that because they really cared about the close knit
community that was in private school. And they didn't just want anyone to be able to pay for it
and get in. So when you look at the course of your life, ask yourself what parameters do you
have set in place for your mind to make sure that you are guarding your heart, but also guarding
your mind that you aren't just dealing with anything that comes your way.The next thing is your
emotions. Therapy has been one of the best things for me. I believe in therapy, but not just
therapy, but Christian therapy. I went to therapy in college and that therapist told me that I
pretty much needed to be in a mental hospital. I'm glad I found Jesus after that. But I believe in
Christian therapy because it's a place that you can go where
You can learn how to manage your emotions and you can learn how to just be in tune with yourself,
you know, be in tune with who you are and learn, especially if you are in environments where you had
to suppress your emotions. Like I was. I had to I had to learn my whole personality. I actually didn't
even know who I was.So I recommend therapy for everyone, learning how to manage that. And then
your will. Do you remember in the beginning where I talked about that relationship with the Lord, I
feel like I've talked about the relationship with the Lord the whole time. I mean, I love Jesus, right? So
I always pray my prayer, Holy Spirit, I surrender my will.I don't want to be strong willed against Gods
will. And another word name for Holy Spirit is our helper. He helps us in life. So I can't live without
Holy Spirit. So when you think about all these everything that I'm saying, it all boils down to two
decisions. One decision is to pursue Jesus and desire to be close to Him because He’s the one who
created you.And the second one is refusing to allow your history to dictate your destiny by stepping
up to the plate and the challenge of transformation. These are the exact steps that I did in my life to
become the softer, feminine woman. And congratulations, you have finished this masterclass and I
believe that you are well on your way to becoming an even softer, feminine woman.Here's where I
feel like our next step is. If you feel like you really want to go deeper and you know that you want to
make both of those decisions, I encourage you to apply for Feminine Woman Academy. My premier
Womanhood Makeover Academy that is made by a Christian for Christians. Me, of course. But it is a
complete life transformation that you can't find it anywhere.We have so many schools to catapult you
into the next place, so let's get to it. My team will be on the lookout for your application, and we
cannot wait to hear from you soon. And if not in our paths, do not cross for a family woman academy.
I pray that in this masterclass, the seed was planted that will continue to blossom through the end of
time.I'm so proud of you for taking this step, and I look forward to getting to know you