Dark Psychology and

Manipulation
For a Better Life: The Ultimate Guide to
Learning the Art of Persuasion, Emotional
Influence, NLP Secrets, Hypnosis, Body
Language, and Mind Control Techniques
 PUBLISHED BY: Brandon Goleman

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 Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: Delving into Dark Psychology
Theoretical Overview
Practical and Historical Overview
Chapter 2: Understanding Dark Triad Personalities
Psychopathy
Machiavellianism
Narcissism
The Dark Triad in Practice
Chapter 3: What is Emotional Manipulation?
Types of Emotional Manipulation
Characteristics of a Manipulative Relationship
Categories of Emotionally Manipulative Behavior
Specific Types of Emotional Manipulation
Signs That You’re Being Manipulated
Specific Examples of Emotional Manipulation
Factors That Make You Vulnerable to
Manipulation
Chapter 4: Dark Persuasion Methods
Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Non-verbal
Communication
What Is NLP?
Verbal and Non-verbal Communication
How does NLP work?
Is NLP Effective?
Hypnosis
What is Hypnosis?
What Are the Uses of Hypnosis?
Myths About Hypnosis
Facts About Hypnosis
Hypnotherapy
 What Happens During Hypnotherapy?
Is Hypnotherapy Effective?
Drawbacks of Hypnotherapy
Brainwashing
What is Brainwashing?
The History of Brainwashing
Brainwashing Today
Challenges of Brainwashing in the Future
Chapter 5: How to Protect Yourself Against
Emotional Predators
Emotional Psychology as a Necessary
Ingredient for Success
Tips for Reading and Analyzing People
Overview: The Real Vampires
Early Signs That You Are Dealing with a Predator
Professional Relationships
Personal Relationships
Professional or Personal Relationships
Practical Tips for Dealing with Predators
Conclusion
References
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Emotional Inteligence
Emotional Inteligence Mastery
 Introduction

The pace of change in the world today is occurring at the

speed of a microprocessor. Never in human history have we
undergone the kinds of revolutionary changes in
communication, travel, and business that we have all
witnessed in just a few short years.

Despite all the rapid modernization and digitization,

people are still people. Though many of these abrupt
changes have disputed our familiar routines and customs,
we still process information and seek many of the same
goals in our personal and professional lives that we always
have. And as in the past, we are still plagued by certain
elements of the population who engage in harmful and
destructive behavior.

This propensity for dark psychology lies within each of

us, and as the world changes with the advent of digital
technology, we must also adapt our responses to these
deviant social behaviors.

Dark Psychology and Manipulation - For a Better Life: The

Ultimate Guide to Learning the Art of Persuasion, Emotional
Influence, NLP Secrets, Hypnosis, Body Language, and Mind
Control Techniques provides readers with an overview of
what clinical psychologists have learned about deviant
personalities and how they have learned to adapt in the new
tech-heavy environment that seems to permeate everything
these days.

This book will give readers the essential information they

need not only to resist and protect themselves from the
impositions of emotional and social predators, but also how
to develop a high degree of emotional intelligence that will
allow them to succeed in the modern workplace and get the
best out of the self-improvement programs that can help
you make the techniques of emotional predators work for
you, not against you.
 Chapter 1:
Delving into Dark Psychology
Dark psychology may conjure up thoughts of intrigue and
even romance. Films and television productions like Dexter,
GoodFellas, CSI, and Criminal Minds have popularized
notions of serial killers and “tough but fair” business moguls
who hold the city in a tight grip of brutality that is necessary
for the greater prosperity and security of everyone.

The truth is, dark psychology is more than just a term in

popular culture that describes the alluring, exciting, and
adventurous lifestyles of rock stars, international financiers,
and crime experts. Popular culture has developed an entire
vocabulary to describe the people in our lives who may be
displaying alarmingly high levels of predatory behavior.
Whole genres of sitcoms and films depict the comic
adventures of otherwise happy and well-adjusted young
people trapped in toxic relationships.

We have learned to accept to an uncomfortable degree

the increasingly common presence of predatory and abusive
personality types in our daily lives. So, we often overlook or
may be unaware that dark psychology has its roots in
serious clinical psychology and has been a subject of
scientific inquiry for centuries. This chapter will explore
some of the basic terminology and historical and practical
contexts in which this aspect of human relationships still
maintains relevant.
 Theoretical Overview

According to Dr. Michael Nuccitelli, Psy.D., dark

psychology can be defined as follows:

Dark psychology is both a human consciousness

construct and study of the human condition as it relates
to the psychological nature of people to prey upon
others motivated by psychopathic, deviant, or
psychopathological criminal drives that lack purpose
and general assumptions of instinctual drives,
evolutionary biology, and social sciences theory. All of
humanity has the potentiality to victimize humans and
other living creatures. While many restrain or sublimate
this tendency, some act upon these impulses. Dark
psychology explores criminal, deviant, and
cybercriminal minds (Nuccitelli, 2006).

Thus, dark psychology explores the psychological state of

people who exhibit a tendency toward predatory behavior.

The work of Dr. Nuccitelli is based upon work completed

by Dr. Alfred Adler. At the beginning of the 20th century, Dr.
Adler, a medical doctor, psychologist, philosopher, and
contemporary of Dr. Carl Jung and Dr. Sigmund Freud,
compiled a volume of work exploring many behavioral and
psychological theories in an effort to explain why some
people are prone to commit acts of predatory violence and
abuse. From the perspective of Dr. Adler, all human behavior
is motivated by a rational purpose. Thus, for Adler, neither
good behavior nor bad behavior can be attributed to the
basic, fundamental character of the person; instead, all
behavior can only be explained by examining the
motivations and goals of the person.
 For example, a benevolent or kind person behaves in
such a manner, not because he or she is a fundamentally
kind or caring person, but because he or she has been
taught since childhood that kind, caring, and contributory
behavior is more likely to result in acceptance by social
groups. Further, acceptance into social groups is often an
indicator of the likelihood of success in other areas of life.

Similarly, Adler regarded all hostile and predatory

behavior as also the result of deliberate purpose and intent.
According to Adler, people who commit acts of violence,
aggression, or other forms of predation and violation are
responding to a deep sense of inferiority. Rejection by a
social group can cause the subject of rejection to develop a
tendency to move in a negative direction that can lead to
further isolation, thereby creating a progressive tendency to
develop behavior that is unkind, disrespectful, or otherwise
undignified.

Adler, Freud, and Jung all subscribed to the philosophy of

teleology, which states that all entities have an end
function, goal, or purpose. Under this philosophical
construct, all human behavior—good, bad, or otherwise—
must be regarded as purposive (i.e., serving some practical
purpose). As a result, all human behavior, no matter how
deviant, can eventually be understood by examining the
practical motives of the actor.

Dr. Nuccitelli has been influential in developing the

theories of dark psychology. These theories regard the work
of Dr. Adler as extremely important. Dark psychology theory
agrees that 99.99% of all human behavior is purposive and
can be explained through rational means. However,
Nuccitelli differs by insisting that that there is .01% of
human psychology that is capable of developing harmful
and destructive behavior that serves no knowable practical
purpose whatsoever. This capacity is what is meant by dark
psychology.

There are some important terms that will help readers

understand the language of dark psychology, including Dark
Continuum, Dark Factor, Dark Singularity. Because this book
limits its focus specifically to problems caused by emotional
predators and emotional manipulation, we will examine only
these three terms in this chapter.

● Dark Continuum: Imagine the Dark Continuum as

a line used to gauge the nature and severity of
behavior based in dark psychology. Mild and
purposive acts fall to the left of the continuum, while
severe and purposeless acts fall to the right.

For example, if we use the Dark Continuum to

measure the types of conduct that exhibit traits of dark
psychology, then psychological and emotional violations
would tend to appear on the left side of the continuum,
while acts of physical violence would appear on the right
side of the continuum.

Of course, an extremely severe emotional or

psychological violation committed for purely sadistic
purposes may appear further to the right on the
continuum than a less severe act of physical violence
committed for a rational purpose.

● Dark Factor. The Dark Factor is a term used to

describe the latent, inherent capacity of all human
beings to act with malevolence. This term expresses
a theoretical concept to explain the human
propensity to develop personality traits that lead to
 the likelihood that someone will engage in acts of
willful violence, destruction, or harm to others.

There are many influences that may exacerbate or

lessen the chance that the latent capacity for abuse will
be activated. However, all people possess a Dark Factor
in their psychological makeup.

● Dark Singularity. This term is also used to describe

a theoretical concept. It borrows from the language of
physics, which describes a singularity as the absolute
center of a black hole. The singularity at the center of
a black hole contains energy and gravity that is so
dense and powerful that, as objects approach it, they
became ensnared in its gravitational pull to the point
that they cannot escape. Even light can become
trapped in the singularity of a black hole.

Similarly, the Dark Singularity is a concept used to

describe the degenerative process that begins by
committing acts anywhere on the Dark Continuum. As
the actions of a predator increase toward the right end
of the Dark Continuum, their psychology becomes
increasingly drawn toward further engagement. At some
point, they cannot escape the pull of the psychological
impulses represented by the right end of the Dark
Continuum, and it becomes impossible for them ever to
recover a rational state of mind.

To gain a better understanding of dark psychology, Dr.

Nuccitelli has compiled the following six tenets that define
the nature and function of dark psychology:

1. All people possess the capacity for dark

psychology. Dark psychology is not a genetic defect
 or flaw, but a universal aspect of the human
condition.
2. Dark psychology studies the innate human
potential for developing predatory behavior that
does not serve any practical purpose. Thus, if
99.99% of human behavior is designed to achieve a
practical goal, dark psychology represents that .01%
capacity within human psychology to engage in
conduct with an end-goal of causing pain, harm, and
damage.
3. Dark psychology seeks to fill gaps in the
explanation of destructive and harmful human
behavior and takes the position that dark
psychological behavior traits can manifest
themselves anywhere on a continuum of predatory
behavior, from mild deviance to extreme violence.
4. The Dark Continuum is not defined exclusively by
the end act of deviance or violence, but by the
practical, psychological motivations of the person.
For example, Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy were
both serial killers. Yet, Dahmer was motivated by
the need for companionship and love, however
distorted and delusional; while Bundy was
motivated by nothing more than a sadistic desire to
inflict pain. Thus, Bundy is further along the
continuum of dark psychology than Dahmer, even
though both were serial killers.
5. Dark psychology assumes that all people have
the innate capacity for violence. While animals
share this capacity, they employ violence to serve
the needs of the predator-prey relationship in the
natural order. Because human beings have evolved
beyond that state, yet still retain the innate capacity
for violence, this capacity is distorted in human
psychology and may be used to act in violence
without a practical purpose.
 6. By gaining an understanding of dark psychology,
human society will be more capable of recognizing,
diagnosing, and treating those who exhibit these
tendencies and helping them understand that such
tendencies need to be channeled in a more
productive direction. The more human society
masters this aspect of its own psychology, the more
it will enable itself to evolve beyond this era of
psychological distortion.

Following are four profiles of criminal personality types

that have been identified by law enforcement officials and
clinical psychologists as exhibiting behavior that exists on
the far-right end of the dark continuum:

● Arsonists: Arsonists are obsessed with setting fires

and commonly have experienced a history of sexual
and/or physical abuse. Their dark psychological
personality traits are evident in their tendency to live
apart from social groups. This isolation tends to
further accelerate their decline into self-obsession,
which enables them to more easily support their
fascination with setting fires. They generally
experience a sense of pleasure and happiness when
they see their target structures burn.

● Necrophiliacs: These are people who exhibit a

sexual attraction to corpses. Because necrophiliacs
have a difficult time establishing emotional or social
bonds with others, their psychological and emotional
development is disrupted, and as they move along
the Dark Continuum, their attraction to the
inanimateness of corpses intensifies.
● Serial killers: The FBI defines a serial killer as
anyone who commits “a series of three or more
killings, not less than one of which was committed
within the United States, having common
characteristics such as to suggest the reasonable
possibility that the crimes were committed by the
same actor or actors” (Nuccitelli, 2006).

Clinical psychologists have found that serial killers

are motivated by the psychological gratification that can
only be achieved through brutality and killing gives
them a feeling of released tension and increased power.

● iPredators. This term is officially defined as a

“person, group, or nation who, directly or indirectly,
engages in exploitation, victimization, coercion,
stalking, theft, or disparagement of others using
Information and Communications Technology [ICT]”
(Nuccitelli, 2006). This group of predators represents
a new development in the field of dark psychology
because ICT has been in use for only a relatively
short amount of time.
 Practical and Historical Overview

The foundations of the study of dark psychology are not

modern. The models of classical comedy and tragedy during
the height of the Greek Empire illustrate an understanding
of this uniquely human capacity even during ancient times.
The comedies and tragedies of ancient Greek theater were
used as a means for society to experience catharsis—a
collective exercise in which social bonding occurred by the
creation and release of social tensions as a means of
resolving societal conflicts.

But what is at the heart of this classical method of

employing art as a means of regulating society is society’s
need to be regulated because of the unique capacity of
human beings to act in ways that are destructive and
harmful without any apparent practical purpose or necessity.
This capacity is what clinical psychologists refer to as dark
psychology.

Consider that species other than humans, such as lions,

wolves, bears, or birds of prey, may track, target, hunt, and
kill smaller, less powerful animals, such as deer, cattle,
sheep, rabbits, and rodents. Yet, the reason for this
predatory behavior is necessity, not cruelty or malevolence.
In addition, when predatory animals hunt, they are likely to
target the most vulnerable and the weakest, not out of any
sense of meanness or malice, but because engaging with a
weaker opponent involves less risk and less effort. Thus, the
violence and destruction of natural predators serves
practical needs—to feed themselves and their young in an
effort to propagate their species.
 Especially in the modern world, human beings have the
advantage of education, positions of professional
employment, the ability to grow and cultivate food,
advanced language and communication systems, and a
complex and interconnected system of world government,
law, finance, and banking. As a result, there is no practical
reason for any human being to engage in any act of
predation or violence to secure the goals of food, shelter,
and propagation. In fact, because the system of laws
punishes violence, such actions are actually detrimental to
achieving these goals.

These habits and systems of living are unique to the

human species, so it is reasonable to assume that they may
require responses and abilities among the human members
of society that are also unique. For example, lions and
wolves are incapable of becoming doctors, plumbers,
mechanics, or politicians, nor will they ever have any
interest in doing so. These occupations are unique to the
human species.

It is tempting to argue that human beings have

developed their unique capacity for dark psychology as a
means of propagating their survival in this unique
environment. Take for instance a business man who cheats
on his taxes to gain an advantage in the business world, a
lawyer who alters evidence to win a case, or a politician who
lies to his constituents to win an election may be compared
to the abilities of wild bears who hunt and kill deer or other
game. Yet, animals in the wild never engage in predatory
conduct that is marked by cruelty, maliciousness, or greed.
Doing so would lead to their extinction.

We may understand that a business owner or banking

professional would use every tool at his or her disposal to
gain a competitive advantage. We may even understand the
tendency among some professionals to work around laws
rather than follow them when they see an economic
advantage in doing so—when no real harm results, there is
a practical goal that justifies the apparent abuse.

But often, criminal activity in human society does not

have any practical justification. Within the unique sphere of
human experience, dark psychology itself is a unique
phenomenon. Defined broadly, it is the capacity for
destructive and harmful behavior that serves no practical
purpose whatsoever.

While all human beings have the capacity for dark

psychology, many people do not act on these dark urges,
choosing instead to channel that energy toward more
productive and useful activities. Some people, however, do
act on these dark urges to inflict gratuitous pain and harm
on others.

Among those who are governed by dark psychology

rather than by rational psychology, there is a continuum of
deviant behavior ranging from mild forms of manipulation
and dishonesty, usually motivated by some type of personal
or financial gain; to acts of physical violence; and at the
most extreme end of the spectrum, the movement toward
the “Dark Singularity,” in which a person’s psychology
becomes so compromised by and addicted to deviant,
aberrant, criminal, and malevolent misconduct that it
becomes impossible for them ever to return to a rational
mental state.

Historical tales of serial killers like Jack the Ripper remind

us that this human failure is not new. Unfortunately, modern
society appears to have embraced, at least to some limited
degree, a complete rejection of all morality and social
norms. The anonymity and access to power and information
made possible by the invention of the internet has given
these elements resources to establish for themselves a
viable, permanent presence in human society.
Understanding the nature and function of dark psychology
has become an indispensable tool for anyone working to
achieve success.

Before considering any further what “dark psychology”

means, it may be more helpful to consider what “normal”
means. Many historians and literary theorists have made
the case that the evolution of human civilization has been
accompanied by a steady erosion of social, moral, and
cultural norms.

The word “more” (with the “e” pronounced as a long a,

i.e., MOR-ay) is used to describe the social rules society
enforces to encourage acceptable behavior. Many college
graduates may remember taking a course from a sociology
professor who required as a homework assignment that
they deliberately identify and violate a more, then write a
paper about the consequences. At one time, it was not
uncommon for visitors to a college campus to enter an
elevator and find themselves joined by an apparently well-
adjusted and successful college student who, for no
apparent reason, faced the back of the elevator rather than
the doors, thereby forcing uncomfortable and prolonged eye
contact. This example of social deviance is very mild and
can be viewed as even less threatening when we consider
that it occurred in the context of a supervised experiment in
the controlled and benign environment of a postsecondary
educational institute.

Literature and humanities professors may help students

examine this phenomenon in greater, and often more
graphic and unforgettable, detail. For example, a pre-
internet era literature course at a state university in
California examined the transformation of cultural norms
from 17th century France up through late 20th century
America. In this course, the French novel, La Princesse de
Clèves, was used to set a ground floor of social norms.

This novel portrays the life of a young woman living in

the court of Henry II. Her mother had raised her with the
greatest discipline to rise to the height of French society. As
she enters adulthood, she is escorted to court to secure a
prospect for marriage among the young noblemen. She
eventually marries a young prince.

Already at this point in the novel, by today’s standards,

the main character of the novel would be considered
successful beyond the reach of most people. However, her
life does not proceed according to the ease and happiness
we might expect. Instead, royal intrigue, gossip, and power
struggles complicate matters. Although no actual
wrongdoing ever really takes place, the young princess’s
hopes and ambitions are ultimately destroyed by the mere
suspicion of infidelity. She is ultimately motivated by her
sense of duty and obligation to enter a convent, where she
dies in obscurity.

The course then uses literary works from intervening

eras to trace the decline in the standards of human
civilization from the virtuous heights depicted in La
Princesse de Clèves through the dawn of the Industrial
Revolution and ultimately to modern society at the end of
20th century America. The endpoint is illustrated by the
violence, decadence, chaos, and alienation depicted in the
late 20th century American novel, Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

In this novel, a young schoolteacher, who, like the

princess in the earlier novel, is an accomplished woman
occupying an enviable position, is also seeking a prospect.
However, her environment—the singles bars of New York
City—is far removed from the royal court of 17th century
France. Like the princess in the earlier novel, she too suffers
a tragic fate at a young age when she is murdered by a
young man she has met on one of her social outings.

Thus, defining social norms has become increasingly

challenging, and many people have made the case that
those norms are eroding as humanity progresses through its
evolutionary cycles. We may refer to this tendency to
develop destructive, negative, or harmful behavior as “dark
psychology.” All of the works depicting this trend discussed
above existed prior to the invention of digital technology
and the internet.

The emergence of iPredators as a class of offenders

identified by clinical psychologists underscores the
importance of understanding this area of psychology. New
technology has expanded the power and speed through
which dark psychology has found a way to manifest itself
among many segments of human society; ICT has also
magnified the degree to which such lifestyles have made
themselves potentially viable, long-term means of living.

The following chart illustrates the differences in the

psychological makeup between well-adjusted people with
healthy psychology and those who exhibit predominantly
dark psychological traits:
 (Comparison of light triad to dark triad, n.d.)

So, dark psychology, in its most general sense, is that

part of human psychology that drives people to act in ways
that are harmful or deviant. As we have seen, this deviant
behavior may range from deliberate but harmless violations
of social norms in an educational environment, to mean-
spirited rumors spread to defeat opponents, to violent
predatory crimes that end lives and lead to severe and long-
lasting trauma.

Because a pattern of the evolutionary progress of dark

psychology has been identified, clinical psychologists have
finally formulated a theory of this type of deviant and
dangerous human behavior. In addition, because digital
technology and the internet have ushered in an era in which
the potential for engaging in deviant behavior has been so
dramatically heightened, this body of work will become
increasingly important to the survival of human culture and
civilization.
 Chapter 2:
Understanding Dark Triad
Personalities
Dark psychology is not a single, universally applicable
medical diagnosis that can be applied across all cases of
deviant personalities. There are, in fact, a wide variety of
ways that dark psychology may manifest itself in someone’s
psychological and behavioral makeup. There is no absolute
division of one deviant personality type from another, and
many deviant personalities with prominent features of dark
psychology may display elements of more than one
manifestation of dark psychology.

This chapter will explore three types of dark psychology

personalities. It is important to remember that although the
internet has spawned a huge growth in problems resulting
from dark psychology, these traits have been part of human
culture since ancient times. In fact, one of the dark
psychology profiles we will explore in this chapter,
Machiavellianism, takes its name from a medieval politician.
Another, narcissism, takes its name from an ancient
mythological character. Together, the three dark psychology
profiles discussed in this chapter—psychopathy,
Machiavellianism, and narcissism—make up what is known
as “the Dark Triad.”
 Psychopathy

Psychopathy is defined as a mental disorder with several

identifying characteristics that include antisocial behavior,
amorality, an inability to develop empathy or to establish
meaningful personal relationships, extreme egocentricity,
and recidivism, with repeated violations resulting from an
apparent inability to learn from the consequences of earlier
transgressions. Antisocial behavior, in turn, is defined as
behavior based upon a goal of violating formal and/or
informal rules of social conduct through criminal activity or
through acts of personal, private protest, or opposition, all
of which is directed against other individuals or society in
general.

Egocentricity is behavior is when the offending person

sees himself or herself as the central focus of the world, or
at least of all dominant social and political activity. Empathy
is the ability to view and understand events, thoughts,
emotions, and beliefs from the perspective of others, and is
considered one of the most important psychological
components for establishing successful, ongoing
relationships.

Amorality is entirely different from immorality. An

immoral act is an act which violates established moral
codes. A person who is immoral can be confronted with his
or her actions with the expectation that he or she will
recognize that his or her actions are offensive form a moral,
if not a legal, standpoint. Amorality, on the other hand,
represents a psychology that does not recognize that any
moral codes exist, or if they do, that they have no value in
determining whether or not to act in one way or another.
 Thus, someone displaying psychopathy may commit
horrendous acts that cause tremendous psychological and
physical trauma and not ever understand that what he or
she has done is wrong. Worse still, those who display signs
of psychopathy usually worsen over time because they are
unable to make the connection between the problems in
their lives and in the lives of those in the world around them
and their own harmful and destructive actions.
 Machiavellianism

Strictly defined, Machiavellianism is the political

philosophy of Niccolò Machiavelli, who lived from 1469 until
1527 in Italy. In contemporary society, Machiavellianism is a
term used to describe the popular understanding of people
who are perceived as displaying very high political or
professional ambitions. In psychology, however, the
Machiavellianism scale is used to measure the degree to
which people with deviant personalities display
manipulative behavior.

Machiavelli wrote The Prince, a political treatise in which

he stated that sincerity, honesty, and other virtues were
certainly admirable qualities, but that in politics, the
capacity to engage in deceit, treachery, and other forms of
criminal behavior were acceptable if there were no other
means of achieving political aims to protect one’s interests.

Popular misconceptions reduce this entire philosophy to

the view that “the end justifies the means.” To be fair,
Machiavelli himself insisted that the more important part of
this equation was ensuring that the end itself must first be
justified. Furthermore, it is better to achieve such ends
using means devoid of treachery whenever possible
because there is less risk to the interests of the actor.

Thus, seeking the most effective means of achieving a

political end may not necessarily lead to the most
treacherous. In addition, not all political ends that have
been justified as worth pursuing must be pursued. In many
cases, the mere threat that a certain course of action may
be pursued may be enough to achieve that end. In some
cases, the treachery may be as mild as making a credible
threat to take action that is not really even intended.

In contemporary society, many people overlook the fact

that Machiavellianism is part of the “Dark Triad” of dark
psychology and tacitly approve of the deviant behavior of
political and business leaders who are able to amass great
power or wealth. However, as a psychological disorder,
Machiavellianism is entirely different from a chosen path to
political power.

The person displaying Machiavellian personality traits

does not consider whether his or her actions are the most
effective means to achieving his or her goals, whether there
are alternatives that do not involve deceit or treachery, or
even whether the ultimate result of his or her actions is
worth achieving. The Machiavellian personality is not
evidence of a strategic or calculating mind attempting to
achieve a worthwhile objective in a contentious
environment. Instead, it is always on, whether the situation
calls for a cold, calculating, and manipulative approach or
not.

For example, we have all called in sick to work when we

really just wanted a day off. But for most of us, such
conduct is not how we behave normally, and after such acts
of dishonesty, many of us feel guilty. Those who display a
high degree of Machiavellianism would not just lie when
they want a day off; they see lying and dishonesty as the
only way to conduct themselves in all situations, regardless
of whether doing so results in any benefit.

What’s more, because of the degree of social acceptance

and tacit approval granted to Machiavellian personalities
who successfully attain political power, their presence in
society does not receive the kind of negative attention
accorded to the other two members of the Dark Triad—
psychopathy and narcissism.
 Narcissism

The term “narcissism” originates from an ancient Greek

myth about Narcissus, a young man who saw his reflection
in a pool of water and fell in love with the image of himself.
In clinical psychology, narcissism as an illness was
introduced by Sigmund Freud and has continually been
included in official diagnostic manuals as a description of a
specific type of psychiatric personality disorder.

In psychology, narcissism is defined as a condition

characterized by an exaggerated sense of importance, an
excessive need for attention, a lack of empathy, and, as a
result, dysfunctional relationships. Commonly, narcissists
may outwardly display an extremely high level of
confidence, but this façade usually hides a very fragile ego
and a high degree of sensitivity to criticism. There is often a
large gulf between a narcissist’s highly favorable view of
himself or herself, the resulting expectation that others
should extend to him or her favors and special treatment,
and the disappointment when the results are quite negative
or otherwise different. These problems can affect all areas
of the narcissist’s life, including personal relationships,
professional relationships, and financial matters.

As part of the Dark Triad, those who exhibit traits

resulting from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) may
engage in relationships characterized by a lack of empathy.
For example, a narcissist may demand constant comments,
attention, and admiration from his or her partner, but will
often appear unable or unwilling to reciprocate by displaying
concern or responding to the concerns, thoughts, and
feelings of his or her partner.
 Narcissists also display a sense of entitlement and expect
excessive reward and recognition, but usually without ever
having accomplished or achieved anything that would justify
such feelings. There is also a tendency toward excessive
criticism of those around him or her, combined with
heightened sensitivity when even the slightest amount of
criticism is directed at him or her.

Thus, while narcissism in popular culture is often used as

a pejorative term and an insult aimed at people like actors,
models, and other celebrities who display high degrees of
self-love and satisfaction, NPD is actually a psychological
term that is quite distinct from merely having high self-
esteem. The key to understanding this aspect of dark
psychology is that the narcissist’s image of himself or
herself is often completely and entirely idealized, grandiose,
and inflated and cannot be justified with any factual,
meaningful accomplishments or capacities that may make
such claims believable. As a result of this discord between
expectation and reality, the demanding, manipulative,
inconsiderate, self-centered, and arrogant behavior of the
narcissist can cause problems not only for himself or herself,
but for all of the people in his or her life.
 The Dark Triad in Practice

The professional workplace has acknowledged the

presence of people exhibiting Dark Triad characteristics. The
following diagram illustrates that they are tolerated for their
efficiency and their ability to get things done but contrasts
that ability with the negative effects it has on their ability to
form personal relationships:

(McLarty, 2015)

The remainder of this book discusses a wide variety of

people and situations in which you may find one, two, all
three, or some combination of these Dark Triad personalities
working in concert around you.

The clinical descriptions are easy enough to categorize,

and in isolation, it can be fairly straightforward to separate
one type of dark psychology from another. The real world is
a lot messier. Many of us have grown accustomed to so-
called “toxic relationships,” whether they are relationships
with our partners, our co-workers, our family members, our
bosses, or our political and community leaders. In addition,
manifestations of dark psychology are often far more
mundane than the dramatic examples we see in major
television and film productions about the romantic lives of
serial killers and other criminals. The more we accept these
relationships as normal, the more difficult it will be to
identify them as problematic.

Remember that psychological, emotional, and social

predators do not think of themselves as sick. Their lack of
morality and empathy, and their adaption from a very early
age to live according to rules and methods you may find
horribly wrong, can make their presence intimidating.
However, you should also remember that even when their
amorality and lack of empathy may allow them to enjoy an
unjust advantage in relationships, their mental capacities
are the result of underdevelopment, not a higher
evolutionary state.
 Chapter 3:
What is Emotional Manipulation?
Now that we have covered the basic foundations of dark
psychology, including the concept of seriously dangerous
psychopathy and the irreversible movement toward the Dark
Singularity, you may feel a sense of relief that these societal
problems have been identified, and that a system for
addressing them has been established. In addition, you may
also breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the most serious
offenders are somewhat rare, and that your chances of
encountering them on a daily basis are fairly low.

If you agree that knowledge of the traits of dark

psychology is a good first step toward protecting yourself
from these dangers—that’s great! Knowledge is power, more
so in the information age than ever.

However, the truth of dark psychology is that lower levels

of these deviant personality traits are extremely common.
Worse yet, they are often legitimized by the very institutions
and people we depend upon to address such violations.
Especially in the contemporary environment, in which
technology has fostered and encouraged the development of
alienation and anti-social lifestyles to the unprecedented
degree that they now provide a potentially viable and
sustainable means of financial and social support,
understanding how dark psychology manifests itself can
make the difference between success and failure. As the
following diagram illustrates, your ability to establish a high
level of emotional intelligence has a direct effect on your job
performance:

(Effect of emotional intelligence on job performance, n.d.)

In this chapter, we will explore how people who exhibit

deviant personality traits may use dark psychology to
manipulate and control others.
 Types of Emotional Manipulation

Discussing manipulative behavior accurately requires

that we examine this problem from two perspectives: from
the perspective of clinical psychology and from the
perspective of every-day relationships. We will begin by
discussing different types of emotional manipulation using
clinical terminology.

Many clinical psychologists have studied and classified

manipulative behavior according to well-established
theories of behavior modification and cognitive learning. We
will look first at some of the techniques identified by a few
of these psychologists before looking at real-world examples
and signs that someone is trying to manipulate you.
 Characteristics of a Manipulative
Relationship

First, one theory states that emotional manipulation is

essentially a one-sided activity in which all of the effort to
create, execute, and sustain a manipulative relationship is
made by the manipulator. Such relationships generally have
three defining characteristics:

1. Concealment: The true motivations of the

manipulator—aggression and control—are concealed
by behavior that appears friendly and helpful.

It is more difficult to conceal problems with

aggression and control in our personal, intimate
relationships, our friendships, and our relationships
among family members. As a result, these types of
relationships are more likely to develop in the workplace
or in your community among business owners and their
staff or other professionals.

For example, you may encounter a co-worker who, on

the surface, is always friendly toward you at work. This
person may always be willing to find a place for you at
the table during lunch break or may always appear at
your cubicle with a smile and offer lots of
encouragement and advice. This type of conduct in
itself may be a good sign. However, if this relationship
ultimately leads to a friendship outside of the office, an
emotional manipulator may misinterpret your intent.

In the less-regulated world outside of the workplace,

emotional predators may exploit the trust they have
established by making unreasonable demands on your
time, asking for favors, and putting pressure on you to
agree by suggesting there could be repercussions at
work. A truly gifted manipulator will know how to make
this threatening behavior look and feel friendly and
perfectly reasonable until you have been too badly
compromised to take any action to reverse course.

2. Profiling: The manipulator will have studied the

vulnerabilities of the victim, so that he or she will be
able to exploit them more effectively.

This type of predatory conduct has become much

worse in the current environment of surveillance and
social networking sites. Later in this chapter, we will
examine some of the character traits that make people
more attractive targets for emotional manipulation.

Often in the work environment, this type of

personality can manifest itself without your awareness.
Especially if you work for a large company, anyone who
has access to personnel records or other sources of
information may feel they have the luxury to profile you
so that when they do finally approach, they will appear
quite calm and confident.

If someone with whom you have had little or no

direct contact seems to know a lot about you, you
should be cautious. Often, being overly enthusiastic,
paying you a lot of compliments, and telling you that
you have earned a great reputation is a technique used
to hide the true intentions of the manipulator.

3. Amorality: The manipulator will possess high

degrees of amorality and a lack of remorse, both of
 which enable behavior that is ruthless, cunning, and
treacherous.

Often, we expect that a simple, polite request to

cease harmful, rude, or disruptive behavior should be
sufficient to end predatory or violative misconduct.
Although we may be right, Dark Triad personalities who
lack empathy find it easy to engage in amoral behavior.
Even worse, far from feeling any remorse as a result of
committing abuses, they often feel a great sense of joy,
victory, and accomplishment. As the saying goes, such
reactions add insult to injury.

Further, in the competitive business environment,

this type of dishonest and illegal behavior may be
rewarded. Meanwhile, the efforts of diligent, honest
employees may go unrewarded, and their complaints of
abuse may result in punishments levied against them
rather than the perpetrators.
 Categories of Emotionally
Manipulative Behavior

Understanding the basic dynamics of manipulative and

abusive relationships is important. Each of these general
types of relationships may be characterized by specific
types of behavior. Psychologists have identified many
specific techniques of behavior modification commonly
employed by emotional manipulators. Some of these
techniques include:

● Positive reinforcement: This technique was

identified by the behavioral psychologist B.F. Skinner,
whose theory of operant conditioning resulted from
his experiments with small animals placed in cages.
In his experiment to prove the theory of positive
reinforcement, he used cages equipped with two
levers—one lever did nothing, while the other
produced a food pellet whenever the small animal
pushed it. Soon, the animals learned through positive
reinforcement which lever to push to get their
reward.

Emotional manipulators employ positive

reinforcement in their strategies by using techniques
such as praise, false and superficial demonstrations of
emotions such as charm and sympathy, excessive
rewards including gifts, money, approval, and attention,
and other outward demonstrations of emotion meant to
make the victim feel good.

● Negative reinforcement: The other part of

Skinner’s experiment proved the effectiveness of
 negative reinforcement. For this part of his
experiment, small animals were again placed in
cages, which were again equipped with two levers.
This time, the cages were charged with a mild
voltage of electricity that caused slight discomfort to
the animals that were placed in them. Once inside
the cages, the animals would press one of the two
levers. One of the levers did not produce any results,
while the other stopped the electrical current,
relieving the discomfort. Soon, the animals learned to
press the lever that lessened their pain.

Emotional manipulators employ negative

reinforcement in their strategies by using techniques
such as removing someone from a difficult situation or
relieving them of the responsibility to complete a
previously agreed job or task in exchange for some type
of favor.

● Intermittent reinforcement: Intermittent

reinforcement can be either positive or negative and
is used to create doubt, fear, or uncertainty. An
emotional manipulator may “train” his or her victim
by imposing inconsistent reward and punishment
mechanisms to lessen the victim’s sense of
confidence, control, and autonomy.

For example, in a romantic relationship, the predator

may condition the victim to wear certain clothing, listen
to certain music, eat certain types of food, and work at
a certain type of job. As the victim in this relationship
gains confidence, the predator may begin to discourage
their victim, who will be caught off guard. As the victim
scrambles to respond, the manipulator may again
change tactics.
● Punishment: Punishment is a very basic form of
emotional manipulation that may involve an entire
range of psychologically and emotionally negative
and damaging behavior, such as threats, yelling,
nagging, complaining, intimidation, insults, guilt, and
other forms of emotional blackmail. Skilled predators
may find a way to incorporate this abusive and
controlling behavior into the relationship over time,
so that the victim will develop a tolerance for abuse.

● Traumatic one-trial learning: This technique is

related to the use of punishments, but rather than a
feature of a long-term relationship, these techniques
involve discrete episodes in which the manipulator
uses verbal abuse, demonstrations of anger, and
other forms of dominance and intimidation to
discourage the victim from certain types of behavior.
 Specific Types of Emotional
Manipulation

Within these major categories of emotional manipulation

techniques, psychologists have also identified a wide range
of more subtle variations that we all likely encounter on a
daily basis. These techniques include:

● Lying: Dark Triad personalities, particularly

psychopaths, are highly skilled at lying and cheating,
so often we may not detect their intent until it is too
late. Beware of those who have demonstrated a
pattern of dishonesty.

● Lying by omission: Lying by omission is a little

more subtle. The predator may not say anything that
is untrue but may withhold information that is
necessary in an effort to cause you to fail.

● Denial: Often the damage from emotional

manipulation is inflicted after the fact. When you
confront someone with evidence of their dishonesty
and abuse, their refusal to admit wrongdoing can
cause even greater psychological harm.

● Rationalization: The increase in popular news

media has led to the growth of public relations and
marketing firms who produce “spin” to deflect
criticism in both political and corporate
environments. Rationalization is a form of spin, in
which a manipulator explains away his or her abuse.

● Minimization: Like rationalization, minimization is a

form of denial in which the predator understates the
 seriousness of his or her offense.

● Selective attention and/or inattention:

Manipulators will pick and choose which parts of an
argument or debate should be considered so that
only their views are represented.

● Diversion: Manipulators often resist giving straight

answers to questions, particularly when they are
confronted by their victim. Instead, they will divert
the conversation to some other topic or change the
subject altogether.

● Evasion: More serious than diversion, a

manipulative person confronted with his or her own
guilt will often completely evade responsibility by
using long rambling responses filled with so-called
“weasel words,” like “most people would say,”
“according to my sources,” or other phrases that
falsely legitimize their excuses.

● Covert intimidation: Many manipulative people

will make implied threats to discourage further
inquiries or resolution.

● Guilt tripping: A true form of emotional

manipulation, a manipulator will exploit the integrity
and conscientiousness of the victim by accusing
them of being too selfish, too irresponsible, or not
caring enough.

● Shaming: Although shaming can be used to bring

about social change when large corporations or
governments advance abusive or discriminatory
policies, manipulators may attempt to intimidate
their victims by using sharp criticism, sarcastic
comments, or insults to make them feel bad.
● Blaming the victim: This tactic has become
increasingly common. When a victim accuses a
predator of abuse, the predator will attempt to turn it
around by creating a scenario in which the victim
alone is responsible for the harm that came to him.
The predator may also try to accuse the victim of
being the aggressor by complaining about the
violation.

● Playing the victim: Using the opposite tactic of

blaming the victim, the predator will lure a
conscientious person into a trap by pretending to
have been grievously wounded and cultivating
feelings of sympathy. The real plan, however, is to
take advantage of the caring nature of the
conscientious person by toying with their emotions.

● Playing the servant: This tactic is common in

environments marked by a strict, well-established
chain of command, like the military. Predators
become skilled at manipulating this system by
creating a persona of suffering and nobility, in which
their bad actions are justified as duty, obedience, and
honor.

● Seduction: This technique does not always have to

involve sexual conquest or intimacy. Emotional
predators may use flattery and charm to convince
people to do their bidding, and they often look for
people with low self-esteem.

● Projection: This term is used in psychotherapy.

Predators who use this technique will look for victims
to use as scapegoats. When the manipulator does
something wrong and is confronted, he or she will
 “project” his or guilt onto the victim in an effort to
make the victim look like the responsible party.

● Feigning innocence: This technique can be used

as part of a strategy of denial. Under questioning, the
manipulator will “play innocent” by pretending that
any violation was unintentional or that they were not
the party who committed the violation. A skilled
manipulator who lacks morality and empathy can be
very successful at planting the seed of doubt.

● Feigning confusion: This technique can also be

used as part of a strategy of denial. Under
questioning, the manipulator will “play dumb” or
pretend to be confused about the central point of the
conflict or dispute. By creating confusion, the
manipulator hopes to damage the confidence of his
or victim.

● Peer pressure: By using claims, whether true or

not, that the victim’s friends, associates, or
“everyone else” is doing something, the manipulator
will put pressure on his victim to change his or her
behavior or attitude.
 Signs That You’re Being Manipulated

All of us are potentially susceptible to emotional

manipulation by people who exhibit characteristic signs of
dark psychology. Victimization can occur in our everyday
relationships with co-workers, bosses and supervisors,
family members, and significant others. Emotional
manipulation can also occur in professional relationships
with people we may regard as normally trustworthy—such
as sales representatives, government officials, and other
representatives of institutions such as medical facilities,
banks, businesses, schools, and law firms.

Emotional predators share one common trait: They look

for people whom they know are conscientious, dependable,
loyal, honest, and reliable. People with these character traits
are the easiest to manipulate because all of the tricks in the
manipulator’s toolbox are designed specifically to take
advantage of these emotional and psychological
characteristics. More importantly, emotional predators lack
empathy or morality. They do not regard their abuses as
shocking or unacceptable; instead, they regard the
overabundance of conscientious people as “job security”
and a golden opportunity.

Emotional predators can be found in all walks of life.

Over the course of their lives, they have learned how to
adapt, blend in, and even achieve high levels of professional
and financial success in the “straight world.” Remember
that having a valid and legitimate expectation that people
will be honest in their dealings with you means that you are
a conscientious person. Although you occupy the superior
position, emotional predators are highly skilled at exploiting
this expectation and avoiding detection and/or punishment.

As we have seen, emotionally manipulative people use a

wide variety of techniques and methods to gain power in
relationships. What’s more, the people you are closest to
and most familiar with—people whom you should be able to
trust the most—are in the best position to use emotional
manipulation to exploit and take advantage of your trust. In
fact, establishing trust and familiarity is one of the most
important aspects of a successful effort to exploit
someone’s emotional vulnerability, then manipulate them
either for personal gain or simply out of pure malice.

Of course, simply because this type of abuse has become

common does not mean that you should automatically and
necessarily regard all of your friends and trusted associates
as predators and manipulators. Nor should you give into the
temptation to regard being conscientious, law-abiding, and
honest as a problem. However, victims of emotional
manipulation are often unaware that they are being
exploited and abused, so it is important to learn how to
recognize the signs of manipulation.

By finding ways of resolving disputes and conflicts that

are healthier, or by devising an exit strategy to protect
yourself from any further damage, you will achieve a
greater degree of happiness and success and can avoid
many of the problems that plague people who are unaware
of what is happening to them or who have been intimidated
into not reacting.

Whether in your work life or your personal life, you may

have been exploited or violated by an emotional predator.
The prevalence of this deviant behavior and the degree to
which it has become regarded as acceptable is unsettling, to
say the least. The following list departs from the more
theoretical and clinical descriptions of predatory behavior
above to provide more vivid examples of the type of
conduct that may indicate the presence of emotional
manipulation.
 Specific Examples of Emotional
Manipulation

● Insisting on meeting at certain locations:

Manipulators may try to get the upper hand by
insisting on a so-called “home court advantage,”
thereby forcing you to function in a less familiar and
less comfortable environment that diminishes your
personal negotiating power.

Examples:

○ If you have a dispute with a professional

acquaintance or colleague, they may insist on always
meeting in their office or at a café or restaurant that
is more difficult for you to travel to.

○ If you are in a personal relationship, you partner may

always insist that you meet him or her at their
favorite spot and meet with their friends. They may
show little interest in reciprocating when you invite
them to participate in social activity you find
rewarding.

● Premature intimacy or closeness: The

manipulator will immediately shower you with
affection and reveal all sorts of intimate secrets.

Examples:

○ In a personal relationship, the manipulator may

introduce themselves using phrases like, “No one has
ever made me feel like this before. I know we were
made for each other.”
○ This type of intimacy and closeness can happen in
the professional environment, too. A colleague you
don’t know very well may make comments like, “You
know, I have been watching you work, and I can see
how skilled and talented you are. No one else really
gives you the credit you deserve.”

● Managing conversations by always requiring

you to speak first: In professional relationships,
this is commonly used as a sales and negotiation
technique to mine you for your information to make a
more lucrative sale.

Examples:

○ A salesperson may say something like, “Rather than

bore you with details about our products or services,
why don’t you tell me about yourself and how you
think we can help you?”

○ In personal relationships, this technique can be used

to gain a power advantage. Skilled manipulators will
conceal their true motives by saying things like, “I
may have been wrong, but first I’d like to hear your
side of the story.”

● Distorting or twisting facts: Whether in personal

or professional relationships, manipulators will use
conversational techniques to distort facts in an effort
to make you doubt yourself and back down.

Example:

○ A manipulator may use a phrase like, “I understand

how you feel. I’d be angry, too. But the truth is, I
never made that comment. I don’t think your
 memory of that conversation is accurate. I know what
you really meant to say was that…”

● Intellectual bullying: An emotional manipulator

may use an unnecessarily large volume of statistics,
jargon, or other types of factual evidence to impose a
sense of expertise.

Example:

○ Someone who is implementing the tactic of

intellectual bullying may say something like, “This is
not an easy decision to make. In addition to all the
legal and financial considerations, you also have to
consider how this will affect people at work and the
rest of the family. I know technology is not your
strong point, but I have already done all the heavy
lifting in that regard. Now, we only have a limited
amount of time, and I know how important this is for
you. I wish we could just take our time and think
about it. Fortunately, I have already evaluated all the
major concerns, and I can make it really easy for you
to make a decision.”

● Bureaucratic bullying: This technique is similar to

intellectual bullying. Unfortunately, this technique
may indicate that someone is abusing their position
of authority by insisting on placing as many
obstacles, red tape, or other impediments in the way
of what should be a straightforward resolution.

Example:

○ Such a person may make a statement such as, “I

understand your concerns, but I would encourage
you not to pursue this any further. You have a
legitimate complaint, but the expenses and time
 required will likely cost more than you will get in
return. Also, if you make any missteps, you may have
to spend the next several years filling out paperwork
and going to court hearings.”

● Passive aggression

There are many examples of passive aggressive

behavior in conversation in both personal and
professional relationships to force you to back down to
the predatory efforts of a manipulator.

Examples:

○ A manipulator may try to make you feel bad for

voicing your concerns by saying something along the
lines of, “I understand that you are voicing an
important objection, but have ever stopped to
consider what will happen to the rest of the team if
you eventually get your way?”

○ Manipulators may also try to discourage you by

making light of your problems. For instance, “I know
how bad you feel right now, but before you do
anything, make sure you keep it in perspective. You
know, this time last year I was facing a crisis ten
times worse, and all I did was sit it out.”

● Insults and put-downs: Manipulators are good at

following up rude or mean-spirited comments with
sarcasm or some other attempt at humor to make it
seem like they were joking.

Example:

○ “I know you really worked hard on that presentation.

It’s too bad you wasted your time, though. But, hey,
 no worries. I’m sure it will be great preparation when
you interview for your next position.”

● Refusing to take responsibility: There are a

variety of ways a skilled manipulator can accomplish
this goal by using evasion, denial, or feigning
ignorance or confusion.

Examples:

○ “You didn’t tell me I had to finish the project by

today.”

○ “I know that’s not what you wanted, but everyone

else agreed that it should be fine this way.”

○ “What do you mean by accountability? I don’t

remember discussing any of that with you.”

○ “Can you explain the problem with this project again?

It’s really too hard for most people to understand.”

● Competitive responses: Manipulators may

introduce outside, unrelated issues to convince you
that your concerns are less important.

Example:

○ “I do understand you’ve been placed in a difficult

situation, but you should think about me. Right now,
you have already passed all the sales goals I wanted
to achieve for this year. It’s bad enough that you’re
making me look bad. Now you’re forcing me to ignore
my own workload just so I can help you out.”

● Excessive criticism: Hypercritical people often

have problems with low self-esteem. They will use
 this technique to make them feel better about
themselves. Often these efforts can be very blatant,
obvious, and hurtful.

Examples:

○ “You shouldn’t wear that. It makes you look fat and

ugly.”
○ “You shouldn’t talk so much in meetings. You usually
just end sounding stupid.”

● Projecting blame: Manipulators can place you in a

position in which you are forced to take responsibility
for their actions.

Example:

○ “I know that meeting didn’t go the way you had

hoped. I tried to tell you not to pick me to lead the
meeting. Next time, you should listen to me.”

● Using guilt and ultimatums: Manipulators do not

have to resort to physical violence. Often, delivering
an ultimatum while making you feel bad can force
you to act in ways you otherwise wouldn’t.

Example:

○ “Remember what happened last year when I asked

you to decide where to go for the Christmas holiday?
The entire holiday was ruined because you took too
long to decide, and then you made everyone stay
home instead of taking the trip back home. This year
is going to be different. If you don’t decide by the end
of the day, we’re never going to invite you to another
Christmas party again.”
● Indirect communication: This has become an
increasingly common technique used by
manipulators and bullies and often involves the use
of gossip and rumors.

Example:

○ “You can forget about the funding for that project we

had planned. I know you told me to wait until the
meeting tomorrow, but I already talked to the boss
and told him it was a bad idea.”

● The silent treatment: In the connected world of

digital communication, many manipulative people
will simply ignore text messages, email messages,
and voicemails as a way of letting you know they do
not approve of something you have done.

● Gaslighting: The manipulator will make blanket

statements to draw your credibility and judgement
into question. Manipulators are highly adept at lying,
then imposing the falsehood on you until you accept
it and back down.

Examples:

Suppose you are at work, and you have documented

a pattern of workplace violations that are costing you
time and money. The manipulator may try to gaslight
you by first requesting to see the evidence with a
sincere expression of concern.

○ “I see. You definitely have a very convincing case. Let

me see if I can find out what’s going on so we can get
to the bottom of it.”
 Subsequently, using a combination of denial, indirect
communication, and feigned ignorance or
confusion, the manipulator may return to you in a
couple of weeks with a different response.

○ “I know I agreed with you at first. But I was talking to

the other guys. I think you might have a couple of the
dates wrong. Also, I know it seems like a big deal, but
most of the other guys were saying they do this kind
of thing all the time, and it’s never a problem. Wait,
what was the law or rule or whatever you were
talking about again? It seemed really important when
you were talking about it, but no one else seemed to
know anything about it. I don’t know… Maybe you’re
just overreacting.”

● Using negative surprises: Many people in both

personal and professional relationships will use
“negative surprises” to maintain power in a
relationship and manipulate and control people.

Example:

In the workplace, you may have been encouraged by

members of management to follow a specified path that
will lead to a promotion and a raise. After you have put
in overtime and gone above and beyond to meet all the
demands, the boss makes an announcement at the
meeting where you expect to be promoted:

○ “I know James has been working very hard these past

few months, and we all appreciate his inspirational
efforts to increase our sales numbers. I am also glad
you are all here to hear who will be promoted to the
position of District Manager. We just got word this
 morning that I will be personally assuming the new
role, while also maintaining my current position.”

● Playing the martyr: Manipulators use this

technique to establish control.

Examples:

A manipulator’s initial reaction when you ask them to

help with a special project might be:

○ “Sure! Great! Let me know how I can help!”

However, once the assignment or project is

underway, their comments will be entirely different.

○ “I know I said I was eager to help, but this is really

too much. This workload is such a burden. I wish I
had never agreed.”

You may respond by reminding them that you

discussed all the details ahead of time and criticizing
their resistance, but their response will likely place the
blame on you.

○ “Of course, I agree. Really, it’s not a problem. You’re

just being overly sensitive and paranoid. You
shouldn’t worry so much.”

The goal here is to make you look like the bad guy,
call your credibility into question, and undermine your
authority.
 Factors That Make You Vulnerable to
Manipulation

The other side of avoiding the trap of toxic relationships

with emotionally manipulative people is to consider whether
you have any of the personality traits predators look for in
those they are most likely to victimize.

Many of us expect to be treated with respect and

kindness and according to the basic laws and customs of
educated, civilized, responsible adulthood. We take this
understanding for granted and expect for it to be a given in
all of our relationships. We consider this to be the default
understanding in our relationships not only among those we
know and trust, but perhaps even more so among strangers,
co-workers, and professionals with whom we may come into
contact. Unfortunately, emotional predators are well aware
of this expectation and often exploit this area of trust
specifically when looking for ways to exploit victims.

We have all seen films about the nice-looking stranger

who asked for help with a flat tire or the new neighbors who
seemed so nice when they first moved in. Slowly, these
relationships that seem so benign and normal on the
surface quickly spiral into a seemingly inescapable
nightmare of violence, victimization, and criminality. Though
we are right to regard these types of relationships as the
exception rather than the rule, they have unfortunately
become more common. As a result, becoming more self-
aware is an equally important aspect of avoiding
manipulation and exploitation as looking for signs of abuse
in those around you.
 The following list covers many of the characteristics that
emotional manipulators consider weaknesses and will try to
exploit. If you believe you may display any of these
characteristics, remember that it does not mean you are a
weak person or deficient, nor does it mean that you deserve
to be exploited or manipulated. However, you should
remember that, right or wrong, if you are too open about
these types of behaviors, you may be placing yourself
directly in the path of an emotional manipulator who is
looking for a new victim.

● Over-eagerness to please other people: Often a

competitive work environment or even the natural
environment of your personal relationships rewards
achievement. Normally, that’s a good thing. But take
care to monitor for changes in the environment.
People who naturally work to achieve success can be
taken advantage of by being placed in a
disadvantageous position.

● Addiction to earning approval and recognition:

This trait is different from the trait of the narcissist,
who feels entitled to excessive approval and
recognition, even without having done anything to
earn it. Yet, demonstrating an addiction to
recognition and approval may signal to anyone with
high degrees of dark psychology that you are an easy
target.

● Fear of expressing negative emotions: Often

manipulators will identify people who want to avoid
repercussions from complaining about or standing up
to abuse because they may fear the rejection that
results. This trait is also known as emotophobia. Be
careful that you are not intimidated into allowing
people to violate your rights.
● A lack of assertiveness or the inability to say
no: This trait is related to emotophobia, but it has
more to do with your ability to set personal or
professional boundaries and limits, rather than your
ability to respond to the behavior of those around
you.

● A low degree of self-reliance or self-

sufficiency: Manipulators will look for people who
need help because they represent a wide-open target
for long-term victimization. Knowledge is power.

● Absence of self-direction: “Locus of control” is a

term used to describe the degree to which someone
is self-directed or whether they require the direction
and control of some external authority or person to
make decisions. People who tend toward having more
of an external locus of control are more susceptible to
emotional manipulation and exploitation.

● Persistent naïveté: Being trusting, innocent, and

naïve is not in itself a negative character trait.
However, the degree to which someone persists in
the delusion that they cannot be harmed by
predatory behavior, even when it has been made
clear to them that they are being exploited and
manipulated, can make it difficult to resolve
instances of abuse.

● Over-conscientiousness: This trait is related to

persistent naïveté. When someone knows they are in
a manipulative or abusive relationship, an overly
conscientious person may continue to give the
abuser the benefit of the doubt.
● Low levels of self-confidence or self-esteem:
People with little confidence are often singled out by
manipulators because they will be more susceptible
to flattery and deception out of desperation.

● Over-intellectualization: This is the mirror image

of intellectual and bureaucratic bullying. For example,
someone may be an obvious victim of bureaucratic
bullying and continue to receive official
communication promising resolution if the victim will
continue to cooperate. If the victim over-
intellectualizes the abuse by accepting the official-
looking nature of the communication as proof of the
predator’s good intentions, then the exploitation will
likely continue.

● A dependent or submissive personality: People

who are naturally less assertive and who respond
well to care and love should not feel ashamed or that
they are doing something wrong. However, a
predator who identifies submissive personality types
may successfully exploit such people without their
being fully aware of the abuse. Often, the need for
companionship and love may make otherwise shrewd
and intelligent people uncharacteristically gullible
and vulnerable.

● Emotional and intellectual immaturity:

Immaturity, like naïveté, can result in a greater
likelihood that people will believe exaggerated claims
or promises.

● Impressionability: This trait is related to

immaturity. Impressionable people may be
susceptible to predatory abuse simply as a result of a
charming or persuasive presentation or introduction.
● Carelessness: When honest people finally learn to
adjust their responses to account for manipulators
and predators, they may still run the risk of
carelessness. Their newfound awareness of the
treachery of the surrounding world may fill them with
a sense of righteousness or entitlement—since they
are not the predators or criminals, they should not be
held responsible for changing their behavior.
Although they may be right, failing to maintain
vigilance after a real and present danger has been
established can open the door to more abuse.

● Narcissism: Ironically, narcissists themselves can

become victims of their own psychological deviance.
Because of their obsessive need for flattery, they
may be targeted by those who seek to disarm them
using false flattery to gain their trust and respect.

● Impulsiveness: This is another trait that honest,

naïve, and trusting people must learn to curtail.
Although they may be right that they should not have
to fear the constant presence of predatory
manipulation, failing to conceal impulsiveness can
leave them vulnerable to cons and other traps.

● Altruism: This trait is also respectable and

admirable, but people who are overly altruistic and
selfless become easy targets for predators who lack
empathy.

● Greed or materialism: Negative personality traits

can also make people susceptible to victimization.
The contemporary environment celebrates
materialism, greed, and consumerism. Because
society has been engineered to make these attitudes
 acceptable and desirable, vast segments of the
population have been set up as victims of financial
criminals and other dishonest businesses run by
people displaying the personality characteristics
listed in the Dark Triad.

● The elderly: Elderly people are frequent targets of

emotional manipulation. This applies especially to
honest people who have maintained vigilance for a
long period of time. Their success in having avoided
victimization may give their confidence a boost,
which may tempt them to let their guard down. In
addition, the physical problems associated with aging
may make them more fatigued and less able to
maintain high levels of awareness.
 Chapter 4:
Dark Persuasion Methods
The previous chapters have described some of the worst-
case scenarios of how dark psychology and the people who
exhibit its most negative and anti-social characteristics may
enter our lives and cause considerable harm. Such
examples may range from the extreme horror of serial
killers, stalkers, and other deadly, predatory criminals to
comparatively less harmful, more common, but still
dangerous personality types who may exert emotional
manipulation to get what they want from you.

All of these examples are always present in the world

around us, some more common and frequent, others less
so. All of them can cause trauma and damage to our lives
ranging from simple, mild annoyance, to financial damage
or job losses, to serious physical injury and loss of life.
These examples all share something in common—they are
generally examples of behavior that represent, at the very
least, violations of established codes of moral and social
conduct, and at the very worst, violations of laws, from
petty misdemeanor violations to felonious civil and criminal
violations.

But not all manifestations of dark psychology occur in the

shadows, in dark alleys, in bad relationships that no one
likes to talk about, or otherwise out of plain sight. In fact,
much of the human capacity for dark psychology has been
legitimized by non-profit organizations, educational
institutes, medical facilities, private corporations, and even
government agencies to enable a wide range of programs
based on psychological manipulation.

That being said, not all efforts to change people’s

behavior can or should be regarded as negative. For
example, at the most harmless level, so-called social
influence may be as benign and even desirable as the way
parents teach their children from a young age or how
children learn from their teachers at school. Similarly, you
may have friends or family members who have offered you
friendly advice at some time in your life when you faced an
important decision or were about to do something that in
hindsight could have been a big mistake. In these cases,
social influence in the form of someone telling you that you
should or shouldn’t do something is an indispensable
ingredient to success.

Of course, there are more large-scale social influence

campaigns. We are surrounded by advertising campaigns
from multi-billion-dollar corporations, each of which wants
us to buy this product or that product. And a large part of
the efforts of many government agencies are directed at
shaping public opinion, including changing behavior. In
some cases, like convincing people not to drink and drive, to
wear their seat belts, or to help fight forest fires, require
huge educational efforts and long-term public relations
campaigns with repeated messaging to convince people by
tapping into both their conscious and subconscious
awareness that changing their behavior is in their best
interest.

Chapter 3 discusses how people use language to distort

facts and use communication as a means of emotional
manipulation to force people to do what they want. The
examples outlined in Chapter 3 illustrated how a lack of
awareness of the power of communication can make us
susceptible to emotional predators. Certainly, such toxic
relationships should be avoided.

Probably everyone at one time or another has been in a

relationship with someone who used these techniques.
However, the truth is that not all practitioners of emotional
manipulation are malevolent, shadowy figures lurking in
dark offices of big-city high-rise office buildings. Many
people make a living as life coaches and professional
development trainers. Many people employed as sales
representatives by major corporations may be required to
attend personal influence seminars to learn how to polish
their presentation skills. These individuals may be employed
by your employer’s human resources department. Many
such organizations can be found in the office suites of
professional buildings alongside accounting firms, dental
offices, and other businesses. The business of influencing
people is itself a big business.

This chapter will discuss three major areas in which well-

established and officially recognized organizations use the
human capacity for dark psychology in various programs of
behavior modification. These include neuro-linguistic
programming (NLP), hypnosis, and brainwashing.
 Neuro-Linguistic Programming and
Non-verbal Communication

During the 1970s, a new social and cultural movement

was established, in which the virtues of self-improvement
and the development of one’s full human potential were
cited as a sort of Holy Grail of higher education. These
movements were associated with so-called New Age
Spirituality, which challenged traditional beliefs of
established Western religious and social conventions.

For example, success in one’s personal and professional

life have traditionally been regarded as the result of
external recognition of one’s efforts. Whether God rewards
someone’s virtuous conduct, or whether society’s
institutions recognize the value of someone’s professional
contributions, the key to success in personal and
professional life have generally followed from people’s
ability to conduct themselves according to the established
standards and traditions of the larger societies and belief
systems in which they live.

New Age Spirituality and the Human Potential Movement

attempted to establish an alternate route to success. These
new schools of thought used scientific advances in
linguistics, political science, technology, sociology,
psychology, and medicine to argue that people no longer
needed to depend on external recognition for success in any
area of their lives. Instead, the general theory was that all
people are born with an innate ability to succeed in any area
of life, and that the key to unlocking success lies in an
individual’s ability to harness the power of positive
psychology, thereby empowering them to achieve success
at anything simply by virtue of perfecting their own unique
human psychological and intellectual characteristics.

The school of NLP emerged during this time. The Esalen

Center in Northern California was a famous liberal think tank
through which the founders of NLP generated hundreds of
thousands of dollars in book sales and therapy and training
workshops. The NLP foundation has produced several books,
which sold hundreds of thousands of copies. Although it
eventually became notorious for its pseudo-scientific
methods and theories based on little, if any, actual scientific
proof or evidence, self-help has become a multi-billion-dollar
global industry, and NLP and the many self-improvement
businesses and training programs it inspired are still very
much a part of the professional and political landscape.
 What Is NLP?

Neuro-linguistic programming is a system of education

and training based on an understanding of developmental,
behavioral, and cognitive psychology. Education and
training in NLP focuses on three aspects of human
psychology: the neurological system, which regulates the
physical functioning of the human body; language function,
which determines how we interact with other people; and
“programming,” a term used to describe the beliefs,
knowledge, and experiences we accumulate over time that
together inform our worldview and determine how we
behave.

NLP was originally founded in the 1970s by John Grinder

and Richard Bandler. The theories behind their work are
based in both the scientific study of linguistics, sociology,
and political science, as well as New Age mysticism and the
self-improvement movement that also began in the 1970s.
Specifically, their claim that the “map is not the territory,”
as a way of describing the disconnection between our
subjective perception of the world and reality itself are
taken directly from the work of Alfred Korzybski, who
founded the school of general semantics in 1933.

In addition, they reference Gregory Bateson’s work

detailing the conflict between flaws in societal and
governmental systems and how they can cause problems in
human communication and government. Finally, the work of
Noam Chomsky, whose theories of transformational and
universal grammar linked the important influence language
function has in areas as seemingly unrelated as world
government and politics, is one of the primary theories used
to support claims that NLP therapy can transform the lives
of its followers.

NLP is also influenced by many non-scientific

movements, including the mystical writings of Carlos
Castenada. Many sociologists have categorized NLP not only
as a pseudo-science, but also as a quasi-religion that
belongs to the large sphere of New Age and/or Human
Potential movements. Some have criticized NLP as a form of
folk magic that borrows the language and theories of
science and medicine to validate practices that are
completely non-scientific.

Carlos Castaneda wrote a series of novels in the 1970s

portraying the power of shamanism among the indigenous
tribes of North America, and many of the NLP modeling
techniques borrow directly from Castaneda’s novels,
including “double induction” and “stopping the world.” NLP
behavior modification techniques based in modeling and the
use of NLP language coaching use mimetics similar to the
rituals of many New Age syncretic religions.

There is a basic philosophical assumption underlying all

of the human potential and self-improvement programs that
originated during the time NLP was developed. Objectivism
is a philosophy based on the understanding that reality is a
fundamental, physical fact—the material world that
surrounds is objective reality, and we can come to an
understanding of this reality through our senses. More
importantly, objectivism insists that reality is the same for
everyone because it is objective. Though individual
perceptions may differ, the objective reality does not.

The philosophies upon which NLP is based take a

radically different approach and may be regarded as
subjectivism. The basic theory is that each of us is incapable
of knowing reality, because we all perceive the world
subjectively, filtered by what we have learned from previous
experiences and cultural and traditional learning. In
addition, the part of the world we live in is governed by laws
and customs we have come to know as “true.” But these
laws and customs differ from one geographical location to
the next, and from one demographic group to the next.
Thus, for each of us, the world is limited because we can
only perceive it from a limited and subjective perspective.

According to the founders of NLP, your thoughts, feelings,

and beliefs are not things that actually exist; they are things
that you have learned to do. Because we have spent so
many years of our lives learning how to do these things
from the people around us, our neurological systems, at
some point, accept them as reality. We stop questioning
whether other facts or perspectives exist, or, using the
language of NLP, whether there are other facts and
perspectives that would help us to do other things. In the
language of NLP, this is known as an internal “map of the
world” that we learn through sensory experience.

We learn to communicate using both verbal and non-

verbal language. The words we use, the metaphors we are
most comfortable with, the analogies that are most common
in our speech, our vocabulary, our level of discipline in using
correct grammar or pronunciation, the amount of slang we
use, whether our language is casual or formal, the ideas we
talk about, the accent we are most likely to use when
speaking—all of these linguistic abilities follow directly from
our map of the world. Although this dual form of
communication is very complex and powerful, our ability to
communicate is limited by this subjective experience of
reality. Together, these two elements, our neurological
maps, which in turn form our patterns of linguistic
expression, represent our “programming,” hence, neuro-
linguistic programming.

Below is a diagram illustrating the theory behind NLP:

(NLP model of therapeutic change, n.d.)

 Verbal and Non-verbal
Communication

When most of us think of language, we think of English or

Spanish or Chinese or French or whatever other language
we may be fluent in. For most of us, language is simply what
we use to communicate ideas—whether basic facts about
objects and directions, more complicated information
involving technical, legal, or medical terminology, or highly
developed figurative language to express abstract concepts
and ideas. Language has rules, and we either follow the
standardized rules of grammar and usage, speak a
colloquial or regional dialog that uses altered language
forms, or we adapt language use and invent new forms and
uses to suit whatever communication need we may have.
But because our perceptions are limited, our linguistic
abilities are also limited. As a result, our programming limits
our ability to achieve goals in our personal and professional
lives.

Another aspect of language is non-verbal

communication. Words and sentences themselves only
comprise part of the entire process of sending messages
and communicating. According to Gregory Bateson, one of
the language theorists that influenced the development of
NLP, 8% of information we communicate results from the
words we use, the other 92% uses non-verbal cues.

If words are the digital component of communication,

non-verbal cues are the analog counterpart. These analog
aspects of communication include voice tone, tempo, and
volume. Other non-verbal cues may include facial
expressions, gestures, posture, and eye contact.
 Non-verbal communication uses what are called “meta-
messages” that provide detailed “editorial” information
about the context or motivation for the words of the speaker
and help the listener determine how to interpret the
message. For example, if someone in a meeting spilled
coffee on his computer and it stopped working, he might
say, “That’s just great!” If he uses a sarcastic tone of voice,
he will communicate the opposite message that the words
themselves convey. Or if a teacher in a classroom says “I
want you to pay attention, now,” while pointing at a
whiteboard, the message will be entirely different than if the
same teacher says, “I want you to pay attention now,” while
pointing at his ears.

Although only 8% of communication is verbal, the 92% of

non-verbal cues usually occur out of the awareness of the
speaker. As a result, NLP training sessions spend a lot of
time helping people adapt their non-verbal behavior
patterns. The theory is that they may not be getting what
they want because they are communicating the wrong
message, and by communicating a different message, those
around them will respond differently as well.

In addition, according to theories of NLP, language serves

a far more complex function than merely allowing us to
communicate facts or even more elevated and abstract
concepts. NLP theory holds that the human capacity for
linguistic development is important because our “body
states are revealed in our language and non-verbal
communication. Language is the tool we use to gain access
to the inner workings of the mind,” not just a method of
communicating with other people. Thus, the promise of NLP
is that using “language patterns [can] teach us how to
access unconscious information that would remain vague
and unknowable otherwise.”
 How does NLP work?

The basic premise of NLP is that people who are

experiencing difficulties in their lives are really being held
back because their internal “maps” tell them they are either
incapable or not allowed to engage in whatever type of
activity they may have set as a goal for themselves.

In a session of NLP training, an experienced NLP

practitioner works with the client by eliciting both verbal
and non-verbal language to detect the biases, beliefs, and
limitations inherent in that person’s map. The NLP
practitioner then uses specific techniques to help the client
change certain behavior patterns and beliefs so that he or
she will no longer feel that certain behavior or associations
are off the map are out of their territory.

A typical NLP session is based on “modeling,” in which

the subject who wishes to use NLP to transform his or her
behavior is coached by a certified NLP trainer. NLP has
become a widely used and varied program of professional
and personal development; there is no single, certified, or
regulated method of practicing the behavior modification
techniques of NLP. Some of the techniques most commonly
used in NLP sessions include:

● Anchoring: A sensory experience, or a location on

the map, is used as a starting point to trigger
emotional states leading to change. For example, if
the NLP practitioner finds that a client has difficulty
finding motivation at work, but not at home, then
finding the sensory experience that triggers
motivation at home can be used as the anchor to
 provide the client with a way to access motivational
drive at work.

● Rapport: After eliciting various language cues to

assess the client's internal subjective map, the NLP
practitioner can match physical behavior, non-verbal
expression, and language cues to create a bond of
empathy.

● Swish pattern: Once certain patterns of behavior

have been identified, that is, once the NLP
practitioner identifies the familiar routes the client
takes through his or her map, the goal with the swish
pattern is to change the pattern of behavior to create
more desirable outcomes.

● Visual-kinesthetic dissociation (VKD): If an NLP

client is experiencing negative thoughts and feelings
as a result of some past event, this technique is used
to isolate the subjective sensory experience and
separate it from the memory.

A typical session involves several stages, beginning with

the establishment of rapport between the client and trainer.
During this stage, the trainer elicits information from the
client using specifically designed language and non-verbal
communication techniques. Next, the trainer uses “meta-
model” questions to gather information about the client’s
current state of affairs, listening not only to the words the
client uses to respond, but also interpreting non-verbal cues
according to NLP-based interpretation of their significance.

The client is encouraged to “visual” his or her ideal state

of success and the trainer’s hope is that by changing his or
her mental focus, the client’s responses, both verbal and
non-verbal, will reveal the secrets that are holding them
back. The trainer also begins to use “pacing” by leading the
client toward change using specifically designed vocabulary
and non-verbal cues in an effort to retrain the client and
help them learn to use different verbal and non-verbal
communication methods.

NLP also encourages the use of self-reflection. The client

is coached to begin envisioning his or her desired future
state, and how those changes may affect his or her current
personal and professional life. Next, the trainer helps the
client change their internal beliefs about the world, i.e.,
helps them reprogram their worldview. In the final change,
the client begins rehearsing their new role in the world to
understand how they will be different when all of the
changes are finally complete.

According to NLP, these isolated sessions result in

behavior modification that will, of itself, inevitably lead the
client to successfully implement the changes he or she
desires at the conclusion of NLP therapy.
 Is NLP Effective?

Although based in valid, recognized, and established

scientific research in sociology, linguistics, and psychology,
the theories of NLP have been largely discredited as pseudo-
science. The founders of NLP based their theories on sound
scientific research, but the scientific community has stated
repeatedly that the founders’ comments and responses to
inquiries have demonstrated that they do not understand
the underlying theories they often cite in their work. In
addition, they have not produced any of their own original
scientific evidence either to support the claims made by NLP
theorists, or that their programming sessions actually bring
about the changes they promise.

Mainstream psychology has established through clinical

research, practice, and published works the reality of the
subconscious mind and the importance of understanding its
function to help alleviate, treat, or change harmful
psychological developments in individuals. Cognitive
behavioral therapy (CBT) and traditional psychotherapy
must meet with fairly rigorous professional standards and is
based on proven methods and theories of clinical
psychology, while NLP’s record of success is less consistent
and based more on anecdotal testimony.

NLP providers generally have a financial interest in

promoting the success of NLP, so their testimonials may or
may not be true. In addition, results among people who
have completed NLP training sessions are mixed. Some
studies have shown that patients who participate in NLP
have improved psychological symptoms and better quality
of life, but the majority of studies indicate there is little
evidence that NLP can effectively treat any significant
psychological disorders, such as anxiety, insomnia, or
substance abuse.

However, while clinical studies have discredited NLP as a

legitimate form of treatment for serious psychological
illnesses, NLP continues to be part of the large, profitable
industry that capitalizes on the demand for self-
improvement literature. Tony Robbins, the contemporary
self-help, self-improvement, and motivational speaking guru,
trained with NLP’s founders and continues to employ many
of their ideas in his famous seminars.

Regardless of all the negative press reports and scientific

criticisms, NLP has spawned a global industry. Companies
such as NLP Power, The NLP Center, The Empowerment
Partnership, and the founders’ own NLP University continue
to advertise and promote their services on the internet and
provide behavior modification training to a global audience.
In addition, many corporations and government agencies
send employees to NLP-based seminars in their efforts to
train leadership teams and sales staff. Thus, while the
scientific foundations of NLP have been exposed and
discredited, these organizations continue to attract followers
and clients who see a benefit in the behavioral changes that
result from associating with organizations that provide
training in psychological and behavioral change.
Hypnosis
 What is Hypnosis?

Whereas NLP is a pseudo-science, hypnosis and

hypnotherapy have been accepted by the medical
establishment as viable methods of behavior modification
and therapeutic psychological treatment. Hypnosis is also
referred to as hypnotherapy or hypnotic suggestion.

According to the Mayo Clinic, hypnosis is defined as “a

trance-like state in which you have heightened focus and
concentration…usually done with the help of a therapist
using verbal repetition and mental images.”

The word hypnosis is derived from the Greek word

“hypnos,” which means “sleep.” There is some debate
about who first developed the theory and practice of
hypnosis. Many people believe hypnosis was first developed
in the 19th century. Some people credit the French
researcher Étienne Félix d’Henin de Cuvillers who had spent
time trying to understand how people in a deep state of
relaxation would respond to suggestions to change their
behavior. Others have credited James Braid, a Scottish
surgeon who has been given credit for first calling the
practice “hypnosis.”

Many of the humorous and negative stereotypes of

hypnosis can be credited to 18th century German physician
Franz Mesmer. Mesmer conducted many experiments and
demonstrations in his efforts to prove what he referred to as
“animal magnetism.” He believed an invisible fluid flowed
between living animals, people, and plants, and that by
influencing the direction and rate at which this fluid flowed,
he could create behavioral changes. His attempts to prove
this so-called “animal magnetism” were eventually
discredited, and his practices were shown to be dishonest
and lacking in any scientific validity. However, his earlier
efforts eventually led to further research. In addition, his
influence has been long-lived—we still refer to excellent
artistic performances or engrossing dialog as
“mesmerizing.”

Contemporary hypnotherapy consists of two functions:

Induction and suggestion. During hypnotic induction, the
therapist attempts to place the patient into a deep state of
relaxation. Once the patient has achieved a hypnotic state,
the therapist makes suggestions designed to help the
patient achieve the desired behavior. The following diagram
illustrates the degree to which we are influenced by our
subconscious mind, the reason so many people turn to
hypnotherapy to help them change deep-seated behavior:
(Model of hypnosis, n.d.)
 What Are the Uses of Hypnosis?

Patients under hypnosis feel calm and relaxed and are

generally more open to suggestions. The main uses of
hypnosis are for resolving problems associated with physical
illnesses, behavioral problems, and psychological ailments.

● Physical conditions: Hypnotherapy can help

patients who are having difficulty with any of the
following physical illnesses:

Chronic or acute pain

Many patients who have been diagnosed with

rheumatoid arthritis or post-surgical pain have benefited
from hypnotherapy by altering the patients’ perception
of pain. In one experiment, a patient under hypnosis
was instructed not to feel any pain in his arm. The
patient then placed his arm in a tub of very cold ice
water and was able to leave it therefore several minutes
without experiencing any pain. Patients in the same
experiment who had not been hypnotized had to
remove their arms from the water after only a few
seconds.

Pain associated with medical procedures

Patients who are undergoing dental care, childbirth,

or other painful medical procedures have benefited from
undergoing hypnotherapy prior to treatment.

Migraine headaches
 Because migraine headaches are often triggered by
stressful conditions, hypnotherapy can help reduce their
frequency and intensity without the side effects of
medication.

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

This condition can cause considerable discomfort.

Although not effective as a long-term treatment on its
own, hypnotherapy can help patients resolve short-term
discomfort associated with IBS.

Side effects from cancer treatment

Chemotherapy to treat certain forms of cancer can

cause considerable discomfort and nausea.
Hypnotherapy has been effective in helping some
patients alleviate these side effects.
 Skin conditions, including warts, psoriasis, and
eczema

Some skin conditions can be triggered by stress and

anxiety. In these cases, helping patients find a way to
resolve chronic anxiety can help relieve symptoms.

● Behavioral changes: Hypnosis can also be used to

effect behavioral changes, such as in treatments for
the following conditions:

Insomnia

Patients suffering from insomnia may also be

suffering from stress-related conditions. Hypnotherapy
can help patients learn new habits and techniques to
help the patient fall asleep without medication.

Smoking, overeating, bed-wetting

Addictions and other behavioral problems can be

difficult to resolve using only therapy and medication.
Hypnosis can help patients learn to change their
behavior in areas where they have been resistant.

● Emotional and psychological disorders: Finally,

hypnotherapy is sometimes used to treat the mental
health problems listed below.

Stress and anxiety

Stress and anxiety disorders are often treated with

medication. However, such treatment may only address
symptoms and may result in harmful side effects.
Hypnosis can provide an additional source of relief for
patients suffering from this condition.
 Phobias

Phobias are a difficult and complex area of

psychology. Though there is no single answer for why
someone may have developed a certain fear,
hypnotherapy can help the patient change his or her
perceptions and reactions to triggers.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder

Also known as PTSD, this condition is similar to stress

and anxiety disorders but usually caused by an acute or
sudden traumatic experience. The effects can cause
long-term problems and hypnotherapy can help patients
find healthier ways of responding.

Grief and loss

Grief and loss can lead to ongoing challenges for

many people. By helping patients refocus their
attention, hypnotherapy can aid in a quicker recovery.

Depression

There are many causes of depression. Sometimes

patients have been in difficult circumstances, while
others may be psychologically predisposed to
depression, Often, it is a combination of factors.
Regardless, hypnosis can help patients redirect their
mental focus and find relief.

Dementia

Patients with dementia may have trouble

concentrating and remembering. Hypnosis has been
shown to be effective at helping them reconnect with
familiar surroundings.
 Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder
(ADHD)

The growing concerns about this psychological

ailment have resulted from the quickened and disjointed
pace of work and life in environments that use digital
technology and video. Hypnosis can help patients adjust
to a less stressful setting and develop a longer attention
span.
 Myths About Hypnosis

Dispelling the many stereotypes of hypnosis is the first

step in understanding this area of psychotherapy. The
sideshow practitioner with a big moustache who dangles or
spins a large object with a spiral design in front of the
patient until they fall under his spell occurs only in movies.

● Myth #1—Patients cannot remember what

happens during hypnosis.

It is not true that patients under hypnosis cannot

remember anything when they are pulled back out of
the hypnotic state. Patients under hypnosis are
generally fully aware of everything during hypnosis and
remember everything that occurs during a session.

In some cases, as when a hypnotherapist suggests to

the patient that he or she forgets certain things that
occurred immediately before or during a session, the
patient may experience posthypnotic amnesia, but this
effect may result from a deliberate effort to help the
patient recover from a psychological difficulty, and in
most cases it is limited and temporary. Amnesia has
been reported in some cases, but it is very rare.

● Myth #2—Hypnosis can help patients

remember forgotten events.

Television crime shows often portray the power of

psychics and hypnotherapists to solve crimes by helping
traumatized victims recall details from the crime scene
that allow lawyers and police officers to crack the case,
but the idea that hypnosis can help patients retrieve
forgotten details or memories of past events has been
largely disproven.

There is some evidence that hypnosis can help

improve memory overall. However, studies have shown
that in instances in which hypnosis has been used to
help patients retrieve lost memories or achieve so-
called “past life regression,” the results were more likely
false memories or fictitious recollections resulting from
suggestions during the trance state.

● Myth #3—Hypnotherapists can put you under

a spell and make you do anything.

It is a myth that anyone can be hypnotized against

their will or forced to act in ways that violate their
beliefs or morality. In order for hypnosis to be effective,
the patient must be a willing and active participant.
Similarly, when the patient is fully hypnotized, the
hypnotist does not have complete control over the
actions of the patient under hypnosis. People who are
hypnotized may be less inhibited to act in certain ways,
but even in a trance state, patients are not able to act in
ways they believe are wrong or that violate their morals
or ethics.

● Myth #4—Hypnosis can give patients

superhuman abilities.

Popular culture sometimes portrays the limitless

possibilities that can open up to patients who undergo
hypnosis. Film and television may portray hypnotherapy
sessions in which the patient is convinced that when he
or she comes out of the trance state, they will be able to
run faster than a car, be smarter than anyone else at
work, lift automobiles, or resist bullets. Hypnotherapy
can help patients improve their performance in a variety
of areas—both physical and mental. But it cannot allow
anyone to exceed the limits of their own physical or
intellectual abilities.
 Facts About Hypnosis

In actual practice, hypnotherapy is much less dramatic

and exciting than the portrayals in popular film and
television. In fact, many people enter a hypnotic state every
day. A hypnotic state is defined as a very relaxed and
focused psychological state in which the subject is very
calm, focused, susceptible to suggestion, and less likely to
be influenced by hesitations or inhibitions.

For example, every time you sit down at home or in a

movie theater to watch a film, you enter a hypnotic state.
As the movie begins, your mind shifts its attention from
concerns about work, family, relationships, bills, and other
daily concerns to the story that is about to unfold. Especially
if the lights are dimmed and outside interference from
sounds and activity is muffled or blocked, your mind
gradually relaxes and begins to shift its focus more and
more to the film, until at some point you are entirely
engrossed by the images, sounds, and events on the screen.
Often during these episodes, we enter such a deep state of
hypnosis that we react to scenes of violence, comedy, or
shock as if they were actually happening.

In professional environments, many contemporary work

gurus have developed the idea of “flow.” When you are at
work and so focused on what you are doing that it ceases to
require any strain or effort, you have entered a state of
“flow.” When you are in this state, you are capable of
producing high quality work that may normally seem
excessively difficult. What’s more, you may be able to
sustain this high level of productivity for hours on end and
even derive an intense sense of pleasure and happiness.
This, too, is a state of hypnosis.

Hypnosis is usually used in combination with

psychotherapy. During psychotherapy, patients may have
explored many of the painful or difficult thoughts or feelings
they have been experiencing. Under hypnosis, they may be
more willing to explore these areas in more depth, which
can lead to a better resolution. There are two main types of
hypnosis:

● Suggestion therapy: This type of hypnosis uses

suggestions to help patients change their behavior,
as with smoking or overeating, or to change their
perceptions, as in cases when patients are
experiencing pain and discomfort.

● Analysis therapy: This type of hypnosis is used to

put patients in a deep state of relaxation, so they will
feel more willing to discuss some of the thoughts and
feelings that may be hidden in their subconscious
mind. This type of hypnosis can be used to help treat
psychological and mood disorders, especially when it
is used just prior to a session of psychotherapy.
Hypnotherapy
 What Happens During Hypnotherapy?

During a typical session of hypnotherapy, the therapist

will begin reviewing the patient’s goals for treatment. Once
you and the therapist are clear about the reasons for
seeking hypnotherapy, he or she will begin talking in a calm,
soothing, and gentle voice, usually describing images and
scenes to help the patient relax and feel safe. This initial
step is designed to create what is called a “receptive state”
in the mind of the patient. Once the therapist sees you have
attained this state of relaxation and receptivity, he or she
will begin suggesting ways you might achieve your goals.
These suggestions may include constructing visual images
in your mind in which you see yourself successfully attaining
the behavior or condition you have identified as your goal.

For example, the session may begin with the therapist

asking you to close your eyes, relax, and let go of any
tension. Depending on the personal information you have
shared with your therapist, they may then begin to suggest
locations or events that you associate with feelings of
safety, relaxation, and calm—maybe the beach or the
ocean, a room in your home, or some type of music or
activity.

Once the patient has achieved a trance state, which is

described as a state between sleep and wakefulness, the
hypnotherapist can make suggestions. If the therapist
suggests that you are eating a cheeseburger, you may
experience the meal and taste of a cheeseburger, if the
therapist suggests that your nose is heavily congested from
a cold, you may alter your voice when you talk.
Alternatively, the therapist may ask deep and probing
questions about a sensitive area of your life that you
normally are uncomfortable discussing. In a hypnotic state,
you may find it much easier to open up.

Throughout the session of hypnotherapy, the patient

feels a complete lifting of inhibitions. He or she will be very
suggestible and willing to act in ways that normally be
embarrassing or uncomfortable. Yet, at no time does the
patient lose consciousness or forget that he or she is
engaged in a session with a hypnotherapist. The
effectiveness of hypnotherapy lies in its ability to induce the
patient to enter a state in which their inhibitions have been
lowered so that the psychological defenses they have built
up no longer prevent them from saying or doing things that
can help them resolve their problem. With enough practice
and training, many patients are eventually able to practice
self-hypnosis as part of a program of ongoing self-care.
 Is Hypnotherapy Effective?

As discussed above, hypnosis is used in a fairly limited

number of situations to help people cope with pain, stress,
depression, grief, or anxiety; certain physical ailments like
irritable bowel syndrome; overcome the effects of
chemotherapy associated with cancer treatment; or to
effect behavioral changes such as quitting smoking and
losing weight.

Generally, although hypnotherapy has been recognized

as having valid and proven clinical results, it is still viewed
as a supplementary or secondary line of treatment following
a full program of psychotherapy or cognitive behavioral
therapy.

In addition, some people are more likely to benefit from

hypnotherapy than others. People who exhibit higher levels
of activity in the prefrontal cortex, the anterior cingulate
cortex, and the parietal regions of the brain are more likely
to be suggestible under hypnosis. These areas of the brain
regulate functions such as memory, perception, emotions,
and task learning. Overall, researchers have developed the
following statistical analysis of the effectiveness of hypnosis
in the general population:

● Approximately 15% of people report high degrees of

responsiveness to hypnosis.

● Approximately 10% of adults are resistant to

hypnosis or impossible to hypnotize.

● People who exhibit the capacity to indulge in

fantasies generally experience more benefit from
 hypnosis.

● Children are usually easier to hypnotize than adults.

 Drawbacks of Hypnotherapy

In certain cases, hypnosis may actually cause harm.

For example, patients with symptoms of psychopathy or

who experience hallucinations or delusions may be hard to
control or may experience a worsening of their condition
under hypnosis. Some psychiatric disorders may require the
use of medication, and in these cases, hypnosis may be an
ineffective treatment. Hypnosis is also not recommended for
patients who are currently abusing substances or under the
influence of drugs or alcohol.

Patients who wish to use hypnosis as a method of pain

control should be examined by a physician first to ensure
they are not experiencing any serious problems that may
require surgical or medical intervention.

Finally, due to hypnotherapy’s ability to cause the patient

to create false or fictitious memories or to experience strong
emotions, using hypnosis to treat patients with serious
psychological disorders, such as those outlined in the Dark
Triad or other dissociative disorders, is generally regarded
as potentially harmful and dangerous.
Brainwashing
 What is Brainwashing?

If hypnosis is the benevolent uncle of social influence

techniques, brainwashing is the red-headed stepchild.
Technically, “brainwashing” is not a term that has been
officially accepted either by the legal, scientific, or medical
communities.

Currently, those seeking to legitimize studies in this area

of human behavior control have developed the more
accurate term, “coercive persuasion.” Other terms include
thought control, re-education, thought reform, menticide,
and mind control. Regardless, brainwashing is a term used
to describe efforts to forcibly and radically change
someone’s beliefs, values, views, and attitudes using a
combination of physical violence and psychological
manipulation.

Notice that in hypnosis, no patient who is unwilling to

enter a suggestive state can be hypnotized, and no
hypnotherapist can force any unwilling patient to become
hypnotized. Brainwashing represents the antithesis.

Theoretically, brainwashing techniques are employed

precisely in situations when the subject is most unwilling to
change his or her behavior. In these cases, brainwashing
techniques are used specifically to force the subject to
change against their will and without their full knowledge or
consent.

According to the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary,

“brainwashing” has two distinct definitions:
1. A forcible indoctrination to induce someone to
give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and
attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented
ideas.
2. Persuasion by propaganda or salesmanship.
 The History of Brainwashing

Historically, the term “brainwashing” was coined to

describe the forcible conversion of an individual from one
set of ideological, political, or religious beliefs to another.
Because the brainwashing process requires the use of force
and is understood as a process in which the subject is an
unwilling participant, it requires the use of extensive and
excessive behavior modification tools and techniques. These
techniques may include:

● Efforts to control the subject’s physical environment.

This control may be exerted by forcing the subject to
inhabit a prison cell or some other location that is
physically isolated. The brainwasher controls physical
access to the location, so the subject is either not
free to leave or is subjected to constant monitoring.

● Efforts to control the subject’s social environment.

For example, the subject may be isolated from
associates, friends, and family members, combined
with limitations and controls on the type of news and
information they may access.

● A daily regimen designed to impose unquestioning

obedience to authority and absolute humility. Such
regimens may require daily sessions of “education”
or indoctrination in which all responses are closely
monitored, without any tolerance for dissent or
deviation.

● A system of social rewards and punishments to

pressure subjects into conforming to the new
ideology.
 ● A system of physical and psychological punishments
to deter non-conformity. Such punishments may
range on the mild end of the spectrum from social
rejection, shunning, criticism, and ostracism; to more
serious actions like deprivation of food, sleep, or
social contact; to extreme actions like physical
beatings, bondage, stress positions, and torture.

● All brainwashing systems require continual

reinforcement to achieve their objectives.

In this sense, the goal of brainwashing is to forcibly

convince the subject that their way of thinking is incorrect,
to completely break down and eradicate their former
personality and worldview, and then to replace their
psychological makeup by rehabilitating them with rewards,
punishments, and re-education to encourage a change in
behavior.

The term “brainwashing” first came into use during the

American Cold War in reference to the emergence of
communism and the eventual communist takeover of China.
In 1950, the Miami Herald published a story entitled “Brain-
washing Tactics Force Chinese Into Ranks of Communist
Party.” The article stated that Mao Zedong, the Chinese
communist leader, had used ancient methods of torture to
force the Chinese people to become mindless drones of the
communist political and military machine.

The article also warned that everyone was now

susceptible to these techniques that could turn anyone,
anywhere into a human robot serving alien, hostile, or
foreign interests. Worse still, there would be no external
evidence to the casual observer that someone had been
brainwashed. This story preceded earlier American political
movements to suppress the spread of communism by
prohibiting people that had been identified as having
political or social views described as liberal, socialist, or
communist from working in schools, libraries, journalism, or
entertainment.

Subsequently, during the Korean War against the

communist state of North Korea, which was part of the
larger Cold War, a high-ranking American military officer
was shot down, captured, and, along with many other
prisoners of war, held in prison camps run by agents of
communist governments.

A year after this high-profile event, many of these

American POWs had signed false confessions in which they
stated they had committed a series of war crimes against
North Korean civilians. Through the media, the American
public expressed shock. This reaction worsened when 5,000
of the 7,200 known American POWs petitioned the U.S.
government to end the war.

The height of terror came when 21 of the POWs refused

to repatriate after their release, choosing instead to remain
in communist territory. At this point, the threat of
brainwashing became very real and very palpable, and
these fears have contributed to American domestic and
foreign policy disputes ever since.

Films like Invasion of the Body Snatchers and The

Manchurian Candidate are classics of American theater and
have popularized notions that the threat of brainwashing is
everywhere and often undetectable. The American political
and intellectual establishment struggled to come to an
understanding of how this apparent radical shift in the
worldviews of so many people had occurred, and finally
legitimized the theory by including brainwashing as a
dissociative disorder in the Third Edition of the Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III).

However, scientists who studied the behavior of the

POWs in prison camps during the Korean War concluded that
the behavioral change had a simpler explanation—the
soldiers who had signed false confessions had been
tortured. In reaction to these events, the military became
convinced that its soldiers were simply weak and needed to
be trained to resist efforts at brainwashing. As a result, they
developed a program known as the Survival, Evasion,
Resistance, Escape program, or SERE, which was designed
to prepare soldiers for resistance against future efforts at
brainwashing and indoctrination.

Another respect of brainwashing that is often overlooked

is the long legacy of human experimentation that occurred
during the 20th century. In America, prisoners, people from
poor and marginalized populations, people with intellectual
impairments or thought or mood disorders, newborn
children, and many others were often unknowingly and
unwillingly subjected to medical and scientific experiments
in an effort to develop vaccines or test psychological or
behavioral theories.

The former Soviet Union also conducted many

controversial scientific experiments on its vast population of
political prisoners. Nazi Germany also routinely used Jewish
prisoners in concentration camps to conduct human
experiments to test a wide variety of theories. Some of
these experiments were a direct result of the emergence of
the fear of communist brainwashing and were developed as
official intelligence programs administered by the Central
Intelligence Agency (CIA).
 For example, MKUltra was the code name for a CIA-
backed research program that existed from 1953 until 1973.
Under the guise of fighting brainwashing, the CIA involved
test subjects without their knowledge by using them to test
mind-altering substances like LSD, hypnosis, sensory
deprivation, psychological and sexual abuse, and even
torture. The CIA used facilities at hospitals, universities,
prisons, and other private and public institutions. The
theoretical justification was to develop drugs and
brainwashing techniques for use in clandestine operations,
but the program was eventually shut down after a
congressional investigation.

Regardless, the idea that brainwashing should be part of

a comprehensive package of international diplomacy has
been part of American military, political, and intelligence
policies in virtually every conflict since the end of the Cold
War, and many of those policies are still in use today.

Despite the shuttering of MKUltra by Congress in the

1970s, many of the techniques developed during that time
were employed in post-9/11 interrogations of terrorism
suspects at Abu Ghraib Prison in Iraq and in Guantanamo
Bay in Cuba. The War on Terrorism began with a brutal
interrogation of a suspected Al-Qaeda terrorist using the
playbook of Cold War counterespionage and brainwashing
techniques that included physical torture, sleep deprivation,
and other forms of behavior control, which led to a series of
confessions by the subject, all of which turned out to be
false.
 Brainwashing Today

The misadventures of military and intelligence agency

officials convinced of the power of brainwashing and torture
to uncover valuable information that will protect national
security interests has been in the news almost constantly
for many years. However, brainwashing is also defined as
“persuasion by propaganda or salesmanship” and its more
subversive presence has resulted from the increasingly
cultish nature of contemporary American society.

Less dramatic examples of brainwashing occur on a

much more frequent and regular basis in everyday
American society. American life has become increasingly
cultish or, as some people prefer to say, tribal. Because of
massive corruption and ongoing news stories of political
crimes, scandals, and failures in virtually every American
institution, many people have become disillusioned.

Because we all have a need for social acceptance, and

cannot help but respond to the demands and needs of
modern society, many people who believe they are simply
building successful careers and establishing a network of
friends and associates do not realize they have been
recruited by a cult until they are so isolated from their
friends and family that legal or even military intervention is
required to extract them. In addition, even the family
members and friends of those who have joined cults and
died fighting for the ideals of their leaders may argue in all
these cases whether any brainwashing was actually
involved. Often, people act on their own initiative to join
cults or new religious movements of their own free will.
 For example, during the 1970s, Patricia Hearst, an
American heiress and daughter of the prominent and
powerful media magnate William Randolph Hearst, was put
on trial and sentenced to prison for her part in having joined
a domestic terrorist organization and taking part in violent
criminal attacks. During her trial, she claimed she had been
brainwashed. However, the court was disinclined to regard
claims of brainwashing as a valid defense for several
reasons.

Primarily, the foundations of brainwashing were tenuous

and shadowy, so proving a claim of brainwashing according
to the standards of established legal precedent is extremely
difficult. In addition, the courts were not eager to establish
such a precedent because they feared it would open a
floodgate of defendants claiming, “not guilty by reason of
brainwashing.”

Although the court rejected her defense, most people

regarded her case sympathetically. She had been kidnapped
and held at gunpoint by an armed gang, so her case stood
out as the most obvious case in which a brainwashing
defense might be regarded as valid. She received a reduced
sentence and was eventually pardoned for her part in the
crime.

Another example of brainwashing by cultish

indoctrination is the Unification Church, a religious
organization headed by the Reverend Sun Yung Moon, or
“The Moonies.” Often portrayed sarcastically and comically
in American films, many Americans have told stores of
joining the Moonies as a reaction to disillusionment and lack
of purpose in their lives.

In one such case, an American college student said that

despite having been raised Jewish, he was quickly convinced
that the Moonies were going to succeed in their efforts to
save the world and became what he described as an “off-
the-charts, fly-a-plane-into-the-World-Trade-Center-if-Father-
ordered-you-to Moonie,” (Father is the title cult members
use for the Reverend Sung Yun Moon). According to this cult
member, he “was sure they wouldn't be able to make [him]
betray Father. [He] wanted to prove to [his] parents that
[he] was not brainwashed or mind-controlled.” Eventually,
however, he left the cult and became a mental health
counselor specializing in treating and counseling other
former cult members.

Yet another example of a contemporary religious cult is

The People’s Temple that was run by the Reverend Jim
Jones. He had led his followers to Jonestown, Guyana in
1978. Jones and his followers were highly idealistic and
vehemently opposed many of the corruptions and abuses of
the political establishment. They ran into tremendous
opposition from family members and members of Congress.

As two members of Congress flew to South America to

intervene in what they saw as a potentially dangerous and
worsening situation, almost 1,000 of the cult members in
attendance chose to commit suicide by voluntarily drinking
poison-laced punch, hence the term “drinking the Kool-Aid”
to express the idea of incomprehensible indoctrination.

The fate of Branch Davidians under the leadership of

David Koresh in Texas was similarly apocalyptic, with Branch
Davidians choosing to die as martyrs for their belief in the
sanctity of David Koresh’s preaching rather than surrender
to American military forces.

Yet even in these examples, many of the surviving

participants, their family members, and experts in the field
argue about whether or not these cases are examples of
brainwashing, since those who join these cults often do so
as an act of free will. In addition, many cultish associations
emerge in ways that are less visible.

The social psychologist Alexandra Stein joined a political

organization called “the O.” At the time, she did not know
that it was a cult, but the organization wielded considerable
control over her life throughout the 1980s. In addition to
keeping her sleep-deprived by requiring her to hold multiple
jobs, she was also isolated from her friends. In retrospect,
she blamed vulnerabilities resulting from her own sense of
loss and confusion and only realized later that the cult
leaders were exploiting her.

In addition, the rise of social media, with all of its highly

personalized, targeted advertising has allowed big business
to capitalize on the idea of brainwashing as “persuasion by
propaganda or salesmanship” to unprecedented degrees.
Advertising is nothing new, but mainstream marketing and
advertising has moved from newspapers, television, and
radio into the personal lives of virtually everyone.

The U.S. military’s huge budgets supporting research and

development in digital global satellite communication,
combined with successful marketing campaigns that have
made Apple, Microsoft, and Google more powerful than
many sovereign governments, and the use of Big Data
Analytics to tailor advertising to extremely high levels of
scientifically accurate psychological profiling have
transformed the advertising and marketing business. Even
President Barack Obama once commented that U.S. spies
no longer want to kill people, they want to sell products.

Unfortunately, many of the erosions and breakdowns in

traditional society, such as gender roles, challenges to
authority, and a general sense of lawlessness and absence
of accountability, combined with digital technology’s
capability of encouraging increasingly isolated and
alienating individualized lifestyles, mean that all of us are
increasingly susceptible to the malevolent abuses of
brainwashing and cult recruitment.
 Challenges of Brainwashing in the
Future

Following from the previous section, brainwashing is a

difficult area in which to gain any firm understanding. Its
origins as a reaction to the unprecedented rise of
communism in the 1950s makes it a fairly new development
in human psychology.

Most psychologists agree that it is possible to

successfully brainwash an individual or a group of
individuals. However, they also agree that popular
portrayals of brainwashing are inaccurate, both in terms of
the likelihood of success and in terms of the severity of the
influence. Specifically, the extreme measures and the
extreme goals of brainwashing rarely occur unless they are
deliberately created. Furthermore, as patients who willingly
undergo hypnosis to recall repressed memories have been
found more likely to simply invent fictitious memories, so
subjects of brainwashing are not likely to undergo any real
conversion, except conversions that result from forcible,
violent threats and torture.

In addition, government programs like MKUltra have been

shown to produce unreliable results. Such political and
military failures and catastrophes should result in the
cessation of such abuses, but often they do not. However,
arguments supporting the use of indoctrination and
brainwashing will lose ground as long as their use continues
to perpetuate these problems.

Regardless, the increasing presence of cults in American

society is certainly a cause for concern. Unregulated groups
beyond the reach of oversight agencies often operate
according to alternative worldviews not based on legally or
psychologically sound philosophies. In addition, the rise of
digital technology and social media have given them more
communication tools that will likely only increase their
power and ability to recruit new members.

However uncomfortable it may be, we must also

acknowledge that even the people we know and love the
most may have beliefs we never really understand or agree
with that may lead them to join groups that support
alternative lifestyles. Brainwashing cannot always explain
these actions; maintaining our freedom and independence
requires that we must all be willing to tolerate the risk of
dissent.

As long as society continues to develop according to

cultish patterns, encourages greater social alienation and
isolation, and fails to ensure political and legal
accountability, unregulated social influence will continue to
pose potentially grave risks.
 Chapter 5:
How to Protect Yourself Against
Emotional Predators
So far, this book has explored a wide range of practical
and theoretical research about how dark psychological
personality traits may manifest themselves in people, as
well as why we should all be concerned about how these
personality traits may pose a potential risk to each of us.
This chapter will explore some practical methods of
detecting the presence of emotional predators, how to
prevent them from causing the kinds of conflicts and
disruptions they are likely to cause, and how to recover from
encounters with people who exhibit these personality traits.

However, before we discuss the specific, practical details

of successfully dealing with emotional predators, it is
important to place all the information in the preceding
chapters in an appropriate context. Thus, the first section of
this chapter will discuss the nature of emotional psychology
and why it is important, how contemporary social and
professional environments pose unique challenges, and
where emotional predators fit in.
 Emotional Psychology as a Necessary
Ingredient for Success

According to Mark Leary, PhD., in an article published in

the Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience and the U.S. National
Library of Medicine and the National Institutes of Health,
“[i]nterpersonal rejections constitute some of the most
distressing and consequential events in people’s lives.” This
assertion may seem counterintuitive. After all, every day
each of us will likely experience a very high number of social
contacts ranging from long, complex interactions with
people with whom we share a very close or intimate bond to
casual encounters with people who are familiar to us to
short, quick exchanges with strangers, clients, customers, or
other professionals who together comprise the social
universe we inhabit.

Generally, when we think about “distressing,

consequential events,” we think about catastrophic
illnesses, significant disruptions to our financial or
professional well-being, or the death or serious illness or
injury of ourselves or loved ones. So, it may seem an
overstatement to include interpersonal rejection in the
category of events that we might consider “the most
distressing and consequential.”

However, Dr. Leary goes on to offer a convincing

argument for the basis of this theory, an argument that may
also help you develop both an awareness of how important
maintaining healthy emotional psychology can be and
understanding the importance of social interaction to your
own personal and professional success.
 Charles Darwin’s The Expression of the Emotions in Man
and Animals was an important contribution to theories
examining emotional psychology and predation, and gave
rise to theories of so-called “social Darwinism,” from which
popular culture derives its belief in the “survival of the
fittest” ethos and the predominance of ruthlessness and
cut-throat policies as the foundation of business success.
However, the more important theme of these theories of
human development is that “emotions [are] … evolved
adaptations that provide an advantage to survival and
reproduction… In particular, emotions signal the presence of
events that have potentially major implications for … well-
being—specifically, important threats and opportunities in [a
given] … environment—thereby causing the individual to
focus on concerns that require immediate attention.”

Furthermore, though we scarcely ever think about it

consciously, emotions like embarrassment, hurt, and
loneliness can often signal threats or challenges that
emerge as the result of our complex interrelationships. Both
acceptance and rejection are social responses to our own
individual behavior.

When we experience the acceptance and approval of

those around us, we are overcome with positive emotions
such as confidence, and we generally are satisfied that we
have somehow made the right choice or satisfied some
standard that will allow us to move ahead in our lives.
Conversely, when we are rejected, whether by receiving
negative feedback in the form of a professional proposal
that is rejected, a social invitation that is declined, or being
entirely expelled by a social group, we may be overwhelmed
with feelings of guilt and shame. Especially when we believe
we have been rejected for reasons that are not defensible or
justified, we may also experience a great deal of anger.
 In a normal, healthy social environment these signs of
social acceptance or rejection occur without a lot of pre-
meditation or conscious thought—they are simply a natural
reaction among groups and individuals within groups to
behavior that either conforms to or violates the established
norms and values of a given society. Yet, the degree to
which our survival depends upon receiving positive social
and emotional responses in the form of acceptance has a
disproportionate influence over our ability to succeed.

For example, if you are a highly skilled attorney working

in a law firm, you may reasonably expect that your skills
alone will allow you to win cases and earn the professional
and social rewards you would expect. And in a normal
environment in which emotional psychology operates as a
social function that is subordinate to and responsive to
professional performance, this would be the typical
outcome. However, in an environment that may have been
thrown out of balance by emotional predation and
manipulation, professional performance alone may not be
enough to win you the recognition and success you believe
you have earned.

In fact, if the dynamics of interpersonal relationships are

thrown out of balance significantly, professional
performance and skill may be a secondary concern that has
been made subordinate to your ability to achieve social
acceptance and approval. And if the decisions about who
receives social acceptance and approval are made by
emotional predators, all of your professional skills and
accomplishments may be regarded as a liability. So, an
emotional predator can control you and hurt you by placing
you in a position of inferiority and making you a captive
audience in a social trap that you may not have the skills
from which to extricate yourself.
 Furthermore, social interactions and interrelationships
are complex and difficult enough to manage in a natural
setting. The contemporary environment is host to an entire
complex apparatus of unprecedented developments in the
form of social media, email, mobile phone technology, video
conferencing, and other forms of electronic communication.

In his thesis “Emotion in Social Media,” Dr. Galen Panger,

a graduate of U.C. Berkeley’s School of Information
Management Systems, has identified certain parameters in
his effort to determine whether the emotional psychology of
social media users differs from the emotional psychology
that characterizes people engaged in normal daily
interactions.

According to his study, users of Facebook and Twitter did

not display extreme or detrimental effects indicating that
the social isolation caused by these new media has led to an
increased development in antisocial personality disorder.
However, he did establish that depending on the social
media forum, users may tend to be more or less emotionally
positive or negative. Specifically, Facebook posts were
overwhelmingly characterized by positive emotional
overtones, while Twitter posts tended to have a more
negative tone.

Conversely, because Facebook posts tended to celebrate

individual attributes in an emotionally positive and
affirmative tone, Facebook users generally experienced
more aggravation of negative emotions like jealousy and
anger, while the negative town of Twitter posts worked to
cure feelings of frustration and anger among users of the
forum.

However, the study did not focus on one crucial element.

The use of social media is itself an anomalous and
unprecedented development in the evolution of human
relationships and generally occurs when social media users
are in social isolation. All true scientific studies must have a
control group, but this study lacks one. The control group for
any valid study of human psychology and emotion must be
a natural environment devoid of technological interventions.

Although Dr. Panger’s study established that there may

be less variance or distortion among social media users
when compared to each other, it uses environments largely
regulated by technological communication as the default.
The study does not address either how these disrupted
environments compare to the human social and emotional
psychology in non-technological environments, nor does it
consider how technological communications devices and
social media may enhance the ability of social and
emotional predators to work in isolation, essentially
unsupervised, to assemble profiles of their potential victims
and create social personas that may strengthen their ability
to succeed.

Thus, understanding the importance of emotional

psychology and the presence of emotional predators is
important for two fundamental reasons—our natural
tendency is to seek social approval and acceptance, and our
ability to succeed personally and professionally depends on
maintaining an environment in which social rewards are
distributed according to established norms. When this
environment is skewed, whether in our own personal sphere
of influence or in the larger professional or social
environment in which we work or live, we lose the ability to
fend for ourselves and sustain our own well-being. Upsetting
this balance is precisely the goal of the social and emotional
predator.
 As a result, looking for signs of emotional and social
manipulation in an effort to avoid such entanglements, and
understanding how to respond and recover in the event we
are caught off guard, are more than just refinement and
sophistication; they are necessary skills for surviving and
thriving in a world that has been dramatically altered and
thrown off-balance in recent years.
Tips for Reading and Analyzing
People
 Overview: The Real Vampires

The most important step in recognizing the presence of a

social or emotional predator is maintaining an awareness of
the basic psychology of all emotional predators—whether
they exhibit symptoms of psychopathy, Machiavellianism, or
narcissism. Even if someone’s behavior is not disruptive
enough to be considered a sign of serious mental illness,
anyone whose relationships depend upon their ability to
emotionally manipulate others should be considered as
potentially dangerous to your personal or professional
safety and well-being.

It is important to take a moment to consider all of the

material in the previous chapters and form a basic
understanding of the psychology of a predator. This is
because it is neither possible nor advisable to conduct a full-
scale psychological analysis of everyone with whom you
come into contact and because social and emotional
predators’ main skill set involves defeating efforts at
detection.

All emotional predators share some common traits. As a

result of some type of congenital psychological impairment
at birth, as a result of some type of very serious emotionally
or psychologically traumatic experience or series of
experiences at a very young age, or as a result of some
combination of these factors, emotional predators uniformly
lack the ability to develop genuine emotional attachments
with other people, to develop any deep, genuine feelings of
warmth, to appreciate or value the feelings, thoughts, or
rights of other people, or to develop any sense of respect for
the principles and laws that govern society.
 Furthermore, because these predatory individuals have
learned from a very young age to live, survive, and even
achieve high levels of success despite these serious
psychological problems, they are unable to regard their
condition as abnormal. They may regard their compromised
psychological state as equal to or superior to a normal,
healthy psychological state.

The second primary component common to all forms of

predatory psychology follows from the first. Predators are
unable to live like people who are not psychologically
damaged. They are unable to form lasting, meaningful
relationships, they are unable to find satisfaction in the daily
routines and habits of life, and they are unable to see any
value in the pursuit of traditional professional, personal, or
academic goals.

Predators must live in a world that is not designed to

serve their needs. As a result, the only feelings they are
ever likely to develop toward so-called “normal” people are
feelings of rage, jealousy, and hatred because they cannot
ever have or do or experience the normal joy, happiness,
and fulfillment that psychologically healthy people may take
for granted.

Thus, when an emotional predator approaches you, there

is a lot to consider. First, because predators have become
very good at finding ways to live and hide their deficiencies,
you may not realize that the person you are talking to is an
emotional or social predator.

Second, people with healthy psychology can quite easily

communicate with each other the reason they have made
contact through basic conversation. However, a social or
emotional predator cannot ever actually feel any genuine
emotions and never really has any value for the goals and
objectives you may consider important. They are always
performing because they are not capable of living any other
way. So, when predator begins a conversation with you, it
may seem normal on the surface, but the motivations will
also be devious and treacherous, and likely the only reason
they have started a conversation is to establish trust and
begin mining you for information.

Third, the goal of all predators is the same. You may

likely regard your personal life and your professional career
as your source of happiness and fulfillment, and your
motivations may range from professional ambition to
altruism and selflessness. But the predator can find
happiness and fulfillment one way only—by destroying your
happiness, your success, and even you. Because you have
something the predator can never have, you are a constant
reminder of his or her own damaged and compromised
psychological makeup. Yet, predators, too, need to find
some type of fulfillment and satisfaction, so they can relieve
themselves of what would otherwise be an existence filled
with unending boredom and pain.

Through a process of tortured and impaired evolution,

the predator has learned to mimic your pursuit of happiness
and fulfillment. However, because your avenues to success
are off limits to predators, they have established a new
route—controlling you in an effort to inflict pain, abuse, and
damage on you. Thus, whereas you may feel guilt when you
hurt someone, the predator feels joy and glee and relief.
Your path to success is professional, academic, and personal
accomplishment. The predator’s path to success ids the
destruction and abuse of others. Regardless of the specifics
of how these character defects and psychological
impairments manifest themselves, all emotional and social
predators share the same basic psychological profile.
 Early Signs That You Are Dealing with
a Predator

By now, we have examined the foundations of dark

psychology, the psychological profiles that make up the
Dark Triad, typical forms of manipulation in relationships,
and how manipulation has manifested itself in society’s
institutions. This section provides guidance to help you
understand when you may have come into contact with
someone who is exhibiting signs of emotional or social
predation.

First, remember that simply because you are not

currently in a personal or professional relationship that
could be defined as manipulative does not mean that you
are free of all danger and concern. Predators have had to
learn the hard way to live and achieve success using cold
and calculating psychology from which they truly do not
ever get any rest.

Imagine being injured in a serious accident and losing the

use of one or more of your limbs—regardless of how much
you would prefer to have the use of that limb back, you will
be forced to find some way to adapt. Emotional predators do
the same thing. But because their injuries are invisible, and
because of the competitive nature of the business world,
they sometimes hold an advantage over us if we fail to
maintain vigilance.

Emotional predators can blend into the normal landscape

because it is easy for them to go through the motions of
daily living. They truly do not care if things don’t work out
because they have no value for their relationships or the
things that society has established as having value.

Consider that the serial killer Ted Bundy worked on a

crisis hotline while he stalked and murdered young women.
He appeared successful, outgoing, handsome, and well-
adjusted, but was not. Or consider that the serial killer John
Wayne Gacy, who murdered and buried in the crawl space
beneath his home almost 40 young men and boys, spent his
days running a construction business, held fundraisers for
local political leaders, and entertained sick children.

It may seem nauseating, especially with these extreme

and dramatic examples, but for the emotional predator,
important responsibilities in society are less a source of
personal and professional satisfaction and fulfillment and
more a perfect cover for their predatory addiction. As a
result, you may find it helpful to develop some habits that
will help you learn to identify some of the telltale signs of
emotionally predatory behavior.
 Professional Relationships

● Be careful if you encounter someone who seems to

use a lot of “props” or gimmicks when you initially
meet them. For example, some people may have a
habit of interposing their conversation with a so-
called “winning smile.” If this behavior seems to
follow a pattern of repetitiveness or becomes
excessive, it may be a warning sign.

● Other props and gimmicks may include a tendency

to make lots of promises, a habit of presenting you
with gifts, or “fast talk” like a sales pitch. This type of
communication is often used to conceal an
underlying lack of genuineness, with the predator
relying on superficiality and material objects to prove
his or her claims of affection.

● “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”

People use this as a reference to judge the relative
honesty of business propositions every day. You can
use the same frame of reference to detect whether
you are dealing with an emotional predator. An
emotional predator may often overcompensate for
their inner emptiness and damaged psychology by
creating an exterior image that is flawless to an
unnatural degree.

● Emotional predators build self-esteem and value in

their lives by destroying the self-esteem and value of
the lives of others. One of their main tools is finding
out what you like, what you value, and what you
consider important so they can destroy it. Be
cautious of people who seem to put in a lot of effort
 to win your confidence. They may do this in several
ways:

○ Providing you with overwhelming support and

encouragement.
○ Agreeing with all of your views and opinions.
○ Being very sweet, charming, and kind to a degree
that you find out of the ordinary.
○ Offering you some type of intimate, personal secret
to build trust. This is especially true if they pressure
you to share something personal and intimate in
return and react with anger if you refuse.
○ Sharing too much, too soon.

● All of us to some degree use some type of emotional

influence in our relationships. There is nothing
inherently wrong with relationships marked by a
social dynamic; quite the opposite. However, if in
your business dealings you encounter someone who
displays the following tendencies to such a degree
that they seem impossible to ignore, then use
caution:

○ A sense of entitlement.
○ An attitude of superiority.
○ A tendency to dominate conversations.
○ An inflated ego.
○ A tendency to express jealousy.
○ An ultra-competitive perspective.
○ Hyper-critical comments.
○ Statements that seem to indicate that the person
believes himself or herself to be beyond the reach of
rules or laws or can only be understood by people of
the highest rank.
○ People who play the blame game.
○ Double-dealing.
 ● “Grooming behavior” is a term usually used to
describe the methods used by sexual predators.
However, psychologists have agreed that emotional
predators of all kinds use similar methods when they
are preparing their victim for an attack. Especially
with new acquaintances, watch for the following
behavior patterns:

○ A period of befriending and gaining the trust of the

victim.
○ Befriending and gaining the trust of the victim’s
associates.
○ Looking for opportunities to be alone with the victim.
○ Giving gifts or money to the victim.
○ Talking about inappropriate subject matter that may
be intimate, overly personal, or involve illegal
activity, and trying to make it sound normal or even
fun, often in an effort to desensitize the victim to
such language.
○ Attempts to make physical contact.
○ Personal comments about appearance or other forms
of flattery.
○ Being unusually kind, generous, and helpful.
○ Assessing behavior, such as asking about your habits
and routines.
○ Opening efforts to exert control and influence, such
as secrecy, blame, and even threats.
○ Strategic efforts to create private encounters in
which you are a captive audience.

If you suspect that someone in your professional

environment is engaging you in these predatory activities,
ask yourself the following questions:

● Do you feel isolated from friends and family?

● Have your values changed?

● Do you feel guilty or afraid to express yourself?

 Personal Relationships

While all of these behaviors may be present in the

workplace, especially among people you don’t know
personally and in an environment that rewards ultra-
competitiveness and ruthlessness, your pursuit of personal
relationships may also be plagued by an abundance of
emotional predators. Although the psychology and
motivation are the same, the tactics may be quite different.
Some of the common technique’s predators will use in social
situations are listed below:

● The need for control is a common element that can

lead to the end of a relationship:
○ Excessive contact in an effort to establish your
dependency on their approval.
○ Unhealthy or aggressive responses to rejection in an
effort to impose limits and boundaries.
○ Endless debating and negotiating.
○ Physical aggression.
○ Poor treatment of other people.
○ Unexplained demonstrations of anger

● A demonstrable need to provoke:

○ Debasing comments.
○ Overuse of sarcasm.
○ Attempts to create feelings of jealousy.
○ The silent treatment

● Inconsistent behavior:
○ Projection and gaslighting.
○ Superficial charm.
○ Frequent disappearances and absences.
○ Attitude changes.
○ Intermittent reinforcement.
 Professional or Personal Relationships

Not everyone’s life is perfectly organized or

compartmentalized. Often environments and the people in
them cross boundaries. Often in our daily lives, we wonder
where things may have gone wrong. Quite often the answer
may be that we are trapped in a relationship with an
emotional predator.

Regardless of the environment in which you meet people,

you should always maintain a vigilant lookout for any of the
following telltale signs of a predatory personality:

● People who are pathologically selfish. They may go

through the motions of friendship and love, but their
emptiness is apparent when they fail to initiate social
outings or when all encounters leave you feeling
exhausted and drained.

● Emotional predators may offer lots of charm and

flattery, but if there is a lack of substance to your
interactions with them, you can be sure the
compliments are probably false, too.

● Predators will exaggerate their accomplishments,

and even lie. If you call them on it, they will refuse to
take responsibility or admit that they are wrong.

● A date or outing with an emotional predator may

always be a high-stakes adventure. If you never seem
able to engage with them simply over a cup of coffee
and have a happy and fulfilling encounter, you may
be dealing with a predator.
● Predators are bullies by nature and use anger as
their primary means of communication. Avoid people
who demonstrate a tendency to humiliate people or
challenge anyone who seems to have more power or
success than they do. Predators also use insults and
putdowns to build themselves up. You may notice this
kind of conduct directed at other people when you
are out with a predator. For example, if you are at a
café or restaurant a predator may try to impress you
by insulting or humiliating the staff.

● Predators are manipulative, which they often show

by making promises and then not keeping them.

● Because predators lack a conscience and do not

understand that their abusive behavior should make
them feel bad, a telltale sign may be anyone who
boasts about committing abusive actions or crimes.

● Predators may also display parasitic behavior. If you

are involved with someone who is excessively lazy
and uses you, you should find a way to end the
relationship.
 Practical Tips for Dealing with
Predators

Of course, identifying the signs of predatory behavior is

only half the battle. The other half is finding a way to
resolve the conflicts and repair the damage that inevitably
follow in the wake of an encounter with an emotional
predator.

Following are some general guidelines. Some of the tips

are meant as suggestions that you should implement on a
daily basis. They should become new habits that will now be
part of your daily routine. It is important not to regard these
tips as chores or burdensome or a diversion or interruption
of your normal life. Think of these suggestions as your own
personal investment in your daily professional development.

If a virtuoso musician who plays violin for a symphony

wants to stay at the top of his profession, then no matter
what else he does, one thing must remain constant: daily
practice and a constant effort to stretch his repertoire by
seeking out more challenging pieces, finding new forms of
expression, and adding new skills to his resume. Or,
consider a university professor in any department—being
hired into a tenured position is the only beginning. The
“publish or perish” mentality will soon take hold, and he will
find that continually refreshing his professional assessment
of his area of expertise is as much a part of his daily
professional routine as the more mundane tasks involved in
classroom lectures.

So it is with life in the modern world. To maintain a

position of success and happiness and fulfillment, we must
think like any gifted performer or professional. Constant
vigilance and the continual addition of new weapons to your
arsenal to fight the war against the growing threat of
epidemic levels of emotional predation will keep your
calendar full.

Buy a notebook, start a new spreadsheet, create a new

folder in your favorite browser’s bookmarks tab, and clear
off a shelf on the bookcase in your office. This effort in your
life can be just as much a passion and an investment in your
own success and happiness as the money you spent earning
your college degree or the time and effort you spent
building your professional network.

Most importantly, as we move down the list of tips for

dealing with predators, remember that it is not unusual to
find that recovery from such encounters, in some cases,
may take years. Though the first step of dealing with a
predator is ensuring they are no longer physically present in
your life, this step is not always easy to accomplish. And
once you achieve this goal, actually repairing the damage
they have caused may keep you very busy for some time to
come. But relax—though the damage inflicted by emotional
predators can grow increasingly worse over time, so the
benefits of successfully dealing with these incursions can
have increasingly beneficial returns over time.

Here are some suggestions:

● Conduct a self-inventory: From time to time,

review the section in Chapter 3 that details the types
of character traits that make people more susceptible
to emotional predation. Look within and be honest
with yourself about your weaknesses. Don’t do this
as an exercise in self-abuse, though.
 Consider that an emotional predator approaches you
with only one goal in mind—to destroy you. You may not
be entirely willing to examine yourself in an unflattering
light, but an emotional predator who has made you a
target may not have time for anything else.

● Be cautious: Whenever you are meeting new

people, whether romantically or professionally, guard
your personal information.

● Resist projection and gaslighting: When you

encounter these environments, remind yourself that
the goal is to defeat all genuine efforts to establish
accountability.

● Keep a journal: You don’t have to be creepy about

it, but respect yourself enough to take your personal
and professional aspirations seriously. Write down
your thoughts and concerns at the end of the day,
even if you can only manage a few sentences. The
blank page will never pose the kind of threat to you
that an emotional predator may.

By getting your complicated thoughts out of your

head and on paper, you have unburdened yourself in a
way that is most beneficial to you. A predator knows you
have this need, and their willingness to listen may be
designed as a trap.

● Go “no contact”: If you are in a professional or

personal relationship and notice any of the signs of
emotional predation, take steps immediately to end
the relationship. Sometimes that may mean not
replying to text messages, voice mail messages, or
email messages. The predator may not like it and
may react angrily, but if you try to enter into a
 negotiation or debate, you will be playing into their
hands. Just state simply that you have decided not to
respond any further, then stick to your plan.

This is called going “no contact,” and in the modern

world with all its digital communication, it is a valid and
acceptable tactic. If the predator continues to harass
you, keep notes and document their abuse. You may
need to use it later if law enforcement becomes
involved. Screenshots, text messages, email messages,
and voice mail messages should all be saved and kept
in a folder.

● Get help: Recognizing that you are in a relationship

with a predator is the first step to escaping the
relationship. Rescuing yourself must become your
first priority. Remember that you will require
professional help to solve this problem. If you are
unsure how to proceed, take ten minutes out of your
day, find a quiet place and make a phone call. Don’t
worry about being perfect or feeling awkward,
professionals expect you to be at a loss and will know
how to help.

● Find a support network: You may need to seek

the support of the law enforcement authorities. If you
believe things are that bad, you are probably right.
Don’t allow yourself to be bullied or intimidated. As
with a call to a psychologist or helpline, making the
first call is the most important step. Even if things
don’t go exactly the way you think they should, by
informing the local authorities, you will have placed
yourself in a better position

● Reinvent yourself: Remember that as a victim of

emotional predation, you will no longer be the person
 you once were and will have to restructure your
thoughts and approaches to life.

● Cheer up: You have taken the first step toward

defeating the predatory influences that have brought
the dark cloud over your life. This is the first day of
the rest of your life, not the last day of the life you
used to live.

As you move forward with your new awareness of the

nature of your surroundings, the world may become a
less intimidating place, and you will once again find the
joy and happiness that seems to have been missing for
so long.
 Conclusion
Many of us, if not all of us, have been involved in a
relationship with an emotional predator at one time or
another.

Whether you recall a particularly bad dating experience

in which your partner seemed to treat you with an absolute
disregard for your thoughts and feelings. Whether you have
been employed at a company that continually seems
unwilling or unable to recognize your contributions. Whether
you have been among the few of us who have had a close
encounter with an emotional predator and suffered real
physical harm, you know now that dark psychology is a
force to be reckoned with.

Now that you have read this book, you have a solid
foundation for formulating an effective and lasting strategy
that can help you understand when someone is trying to
exploit you. Moreover, now that you understand the mindset
shared by all predators, you will be less likely to be
victimized in the future.

As you move forward, remember that the study of dark

psychology has a legitimate foundation in clinical
psychology. Remember also that not all forms of social
influence are necessarily bad, and that many of the
programs of self-development currently available in the
professional marketplace can help you develop your
psychology in healthy and productive ways that can help
you succeed.

I hope that by reading this book, you have encountered

some basic truths about the nature of the relationships that
surround you. I also hope that you will use this new
knowledge to formulate a plan of action, so you can once
again take control of your life and leave behind the burden
of emotional manipulation once and for all.
Brandon Goleman
 References
14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation. (n.d.). Retrieved
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