THE JOURNEY

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UKUBOLA KOBISI KUKUVUTHWA KWAMASI

ZESIZWE A CELE
 DEDICATION
In loving memory of my late mother Bongiwe Primrose Khumalo,
my sisters, friends and every woman who has ever felt wronged. To
every woman who has had her heart broken and was left alone to
pick up all the pieces. To every woman whos’ lost a loved one,
whether to death or even to life.

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 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would first like to thank the Lord Almighty who got me

through the rocky patches of 2018 that motivated this little
story.

To my father, the king of my heart Mr MW Cele. Thank you for

ebing the awesomest, for fuelling my dreams and always
reassuring me of my place. Your love as wisdom can never be
compared to any other. Ngyakuthanda Ndosi.

I would like to thank my sisters (Thembelihle, Pretty,

Zamandosi Cele) who were with me throughout the journey. The
one in this book and the one I had to live through.

To Kim and Carmen, the words of encouragement and actually

going through each chapter with me, for cheering me on when I
don’t feel like writing, for being part of it all, thank you.

To my Siphiwesihle, thank you for standing by me through it all,

for hearing my heart when my words failed me, for every phone
call when I was Missing in Action.

To my gran, for every phone call that lasted close to 2 or even 3

hours every other day, every word of wisdom shared, every bit
of hope. Thank you.

To my brother, Mhlengi Cele. The one who makes sure I

remember how important I am, the fucker who always wanted a
peep on how far I’ve come. Ngyabonga.

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Authors note
Dear Reader,

Thank you for taking a moment to embark on the journey of my

little story.
If you must know, parts of this book are very much a reality and
as you read, you will realize this.
I’ve been busy with this mini project since May 2018, it was a
means to my recovery after a break up I was sure I’d never get
over.
I wrote this for my own healing and in hopes that another lady
who’s been through similar reads it and knows that she’s not
alone. That we are some of those ladies who have cried
themselves to sleep, who’ve said a prayer asking God to help
them let go, who have felt like curling up and dying. But, more
than anything, that we are the same ladies who healed and
found a life better than the one we though we knew to be best,
that we’re the same ladies who have survived hurt, confusion
and depression. The same ladies who preach the message of
love, light and restoration.

I hope as you read, you escape a reality, you activate an

imagination and realize really that there are no limits. The
biggest limit of them all, is the mind.

If I may share one thing that summarises my life right now,

LIVE. We are not cats, we don’t have 9 lives.
Live fully. Live happy and dance and sing out loud, because
tomorrow you will not regret a cracked tune, you will regret not
singing karaoke loud enough.

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May we live purposeful lives. Lives that reflects love, light and
hope.

Ps: forgive me for using the authors name for the main
character. It’s not the same person that’s on the book. If you
know me, when you read, please don’t use my face for your
imagination.

If you have a word of advice, perhaps a comment, you can reach

me on my facebook and instagram. It’s my first project that I’m
actually sharing, I appreciate constructive criticism, if not,
please keep it to yourself and perhaps not read it all together.
Facebook: Zesizwe Thandani Cele
Instagram: @zesizwecele

Many thanks,
Zesizwe Cele.

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Chapter One

“Zesizwe…ngyakthanda. I respect you. I wouldn’t wanna

hurt you, id find no joy in that. Im sorry I have to ask that we
part ways. I figure kuhle we part izinto ziseRight than
sekubheda ube neMemory that bese ngidlala ngenhiziyo
yakho ngikwenza islima or ngikuhlukumeza. Ive healed a lot
being with you. You cared and loved me. Ngyabonga. There is
nothing wrong with you. Inkinga yimi I don’t think I love
you like you deserve to be loved. I have a gap I cant fill.. I
stay asking these girls out.. akaze ngiyiyeke indaba
kaAyanda… ngimubambile..but ngize ngamuyeka mina
cause it didn’t work out. And those other relationships
azange ngiwayeke ngenkathi ungibamba last year.. I know I
lied. Ngiwayeke this year unyaka uqala. I don’t wanna end
up breaking your spirit.. although this will mess you up im
sorry. Im certain I will break your heart vele but I figure
asiyeke kusemanje than ngikumoshe ugcine ungasakwazi
nokuqhubeka phambili ngenxa yezilonda engizokubangela
zona later maybe. Please find it in your heart to release me.”

Sunday, March 11, 08:17am I received this message from my

now ex boyfriend and might I add, felt my breath leave me. The
whole universe and planet crumbled right before me and yes it
was awful. I was in the shower with my other family in Ballito. I
say “other” family because we’re family by relation and not
blood. Fortunately for myself, my brother was in the bedroom

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right next door and he must have heard me break down because
it wasn’t a second later that he was there and with a towel
facing the other direction with the towel open for me to talk
right into his arms. He was dead silent as he watched his little
sister break into nothingness. Resting my head on his chest with
his arms around me, about 2 minutes later, he spoke,
Brother: breathe, take a deep breathe in and exhale, come on
you can do this. Just breathe.
Something about his voice sounded soo genuine, soo concerned,
soo disturbed. It was soothing.
I tried breathing in that routine but I wasn’t winning
Brother: come on try again, you can do this, breathe before you
pass out
I tried again, shocked by the idea of passing out while
heartbroken, I was panicking id never wake up
Brother: keep breathing, just keep breathing, that’s all, breathe.
I did till it actually worked
Brother: you’re doing well, just keep breathing right now that’s
all you need to do. Whatever it is it will pass, you’re alright, I got
you. I got you. (he kept reassuring me) you’re alright, you’re
fine just breathe and let it all out (he was rubbing my back)
Truth is just those words echoed to me enough to eventually get
me to calm down a second. I was breathing again. I was feeling a
little better. I knew in my heart that eventually I’d have to go
back to my phone which fell in the shower and read the message
again. Analyse it, deny it, justify for it until I actually get to a
point where I had no choice but to accept it. See I know how the
story goes. I’ve been here before, it’s just that at this time I
wasn’t ready for it.
Again he looks at me about 10 minutes later and in a very
concerned and soft tone he speaks
Brother: are you feeling any better? Can I go back to my room
and get ready for church? Will you be ok? If you need me I’ll be
right next door
Me: I’m gonna be fine (I force a semi smile). You need to go
before mom freaks out about us being late, I also need to get
ready
He gives me a semi laugh and I smile. See I know he wasn’t
actually laughing, he was just worried about how I’d cry a river

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a second ago and then try to fake a smile on the one person who
knows for a fact that I’m not ok.

Long story short, he left my room and went to his. We all got out
ready for church and left at around 9:30am for the 10:15
service at His Church. In all honesty I didn’t hear a thing that
day, my head was everywhere else but here. After church we all
went our separate ways. I hopped into an uber home home,
while the family went back to Zimbali. I got home and my sisters
were already waiting for me. Pretty had called me a million
times asking me to come home or how far I was from there.
One thing I always say is I AM SURROUNDED BY LOVE. The
winds may blow me in all directions when I’m outside but the
minute I get to my warriors, the family and few friends I have
SURROUND me from all angles. That’s the one gift that humbles
me. The only thing that never wavers in my life.

You must be wondering what I wanted from the “bastard” who

sent me that text admitting to have been in multiple
relationships while with me. I say “bastard” not because I’m
bitter but because that wasn’t the guy I dated and fell inlove
with, or atleast that’s what I thought. Hell you must be
wondering why I even wasted a second crying over him and in
all honesty, I sometimes wonder too.

2Years ago…

I was doing my honours degree at the University of KwaZulu

Natal. Single as a dollar and pretty much minding my own
business. I’d been single for a little less than 2 years because I’d
just got off a terrible relationship and wasn’t ready to go to the
dating scene as yet. I hadn’t healed. I started nurturing myself
and read books, watched movies and depressed myself with love
stories whenever I felt like I needed to cry. I didn’t have much
friends and so I was either locked in at res or went back home.
Unlike many students, home was only R22 away from me. I
stayed at res because it was convenient for me as far as
studying and independence was concerned.

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Everytime I was on holiday or long weekend I’d go visit my
sister in Richards Bay. She was studying at the University of
Zululand. I’d literally go there even for a hug and sometimes dad
would never even know I went there. Daddy understood we’re
girls and we’re growing up and are exploring this thing called
life and so he was not amongst the most strict persons but, we
still were scared of him and we respected him. When he was
mad he makes it a point that it is known and so we never
appreciated that sight and avoided it by all means possible.
So, back to Richards Bay. We were having a chill session with
my sisters friends at res who over time became my friends
aswel. Get this before we go too far, I’m not one who sleeps early
at night. Yes insomnia. This particular day when my
relationship started with my ex it was over a conversation we
had with my sisters room mate (my friend). I love love, I live for
love, I have faith in love and most importantly, I AM LOVE. As
always, we’d stayed up when everyone was sleeping talking
about love and relationships.

The conversation went along the lines of,

Friend: I always preach this gospel, love is everything. I am

lover of love. Oooh love is beautiful (she smiles looking out to the
stars sipping on her wine without a care in the world.)

Me: you and I we share the same sentiments. (I smile) I believe

love is the closest thing to magic, it’s the most beautiful gift God
could have ever given to mankind. (see here I was in deep
thought)

Friend: you’re gonna make me cry, cause I don’t know how you
remain soo optimistic after all that hurt. But I’m soo glad we still
have people with your kind of heart. I feel like you’re always
going through some shit, these fuckers don’t deserve you (she
sniffs)

Is she crying? The fucker is crying.

Ohk, maybe I should have told you. She’s my main chick. See
she’s the kind that cries hard when I tear up, when I get angry,
you best believe she’s on fire and when I’m happy, shes over the

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moon. Yeah she’s the kind of friend every body needs. She’s
always 10 times into my feelings, whatever they may be.

Me: yeey wena swayini, ungazongthela ngenyembezi aibow

nansi mhlola.. you know I’m a strongbow, nothing ever keeps
me down (I’m convincing myself too). Remember, we are love.
You have got to believe that. (she laughs with me)
In my head though I was busy calculating just how horrible my
love life has been, just how I wish I was the one that had been
weak enough to cry.

We talked about love a little while until she remembered she has
a friend who had been as unlucky in love as I have, who hasn’t
had it easy but shares similar sentiments about love as myself.
She remembered she has my ex.
Friend: yazi I know someone who, (shes thinking of nonsense)
who would make all the sense in the world being in a
relationship with you. (she’s excited. I know this because of the
sudden grin and wide eyes she has on her face) ooh my God you
guys would get married and have kids and slay together you
know Psychologist and a Medical Dr, oooh I can imagine your
cars and your home and your holidays di Vacation leDe
Baecations, ooooh guys this has to happen anever (she’s lighting
up with excitement)

I know theres no stopping her. Shes walking up and down like a

mad woman and so I know its best to let her be. A part of me
wants to tell her not to worry about it, it wants to tell her that
I’ve no interest in being “hooked up”, it wants to tell her that if
he hasn’t had it easy and was broken then we’d both tear each
other into shreds because of both our brokenness but, the other
part of me was eager to find out whats the worst that could
happen, the other part of me was curious to try, if I didn’t the
other part of me would always wonder.

Me: I think you’re getting ahead of yourself (I laugh) what

makes you think were both ready for each other (I roll my eyes
and tap her shoulder laughing)

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Her: I know him and I know you. You guys are ready (her voice
tells me she’s on a mission) infact let me call him right now (she
reaches for her phone and dials, it rings..)
That time I’m shitting myself with nerves, you’d swear I’m the
one who’d be talking. I’m thinking what if this Dr student has
another Dr, what if he doesn’t like me or is into prettier ladies or
into slimmer ladies, what if the sound of my voice just doesn’t do
it for him.. father Lord rescue me.

Her: Dawg what’s up….. yeah you know I’m good (she laughs)…
yah yah that place will be the death of you I swear…. Just come
back home man, Durban never really loved you but I know just
the person who would… aaaah shut up you’ve been single over a
year now… listen I have this ray of sunshine who’s very close to
my heart and I know she’d be even better for yours… ai kahle
ukuzozenza special la wena Basted…uZesizwe…
wakwaKhumalo… yeah ngyazi it’s abeautiful name… ehhe
owalapho ufunda lapho eHoward… (she laughs really loud,
sounding really proud of herself).. yeah sure dude I’ll send you
her digits and you better call her, she’s fragile and you can’t
hurt her cause you know I’d disown you… dude I’m trusting you
with her heart just like I’m trusting her with yours, she’ll take
care of it best she knows how wobe uzbhedele wena istrue… ohk
sure I’ll send them to you now now. Goodnight skhotheni… (she
hangs up).

Me: you’re an idiot (I’m laughing in disbelief)

Her: you have noooo idea (chuckles)

Me: ngyolala, I’m not staying up for this mina kule life (I’m on
my feet ready to walk to the bedroom)

Her: ohk sure. Nam ngyazela manje. Lwandile will call you.
Please pick up, stop shutting love out cause it will never come in
long as your doors are intentionally closed (she looks serious
now, her face all tense)
That hit hard, made me wonder if these walls I’ve been building
have been protecting my heart or keeping me locked in.
Me: goodnight gogo (I kiss her on the cheek and off I go).

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I wake up the next morning hungry as a dog. I didn’t check my
phone. I went straight to the bathroom for a quick shower and
brushed my teeth and wore a jean short with a white vest and
flip flops and headed to the kitchen and joined the ladies for
breakfast which my sister, Pretty made. We had a chit chat with
the ladies and ate. I was tired and so I went back to bed for a
nap. I dozed off a few hours, I don’t know how many but it was a
peaceful sleep. I figured the day would be pretty boring really
until I got a call from a number I didnt have saved on my phone

Me:Hello
Him: hi unjan
Me:ngyaphila unjan wena
Him:ngyaphila
…
Him: Ukhuluma no Lwandile la. I got your number from
uKhanya and I hope you don’t mind me calling
Me: no I don’t, she did say you’d call
Him: ohk cool, so you don’t mind me calling (he’s giving me a
semi laugh and it sounds really cute, he sounds pleased with
himself)
Me: (laughs) don’t be outchea flattering yourself, a call is a call.
Even yours
Him:oh you got jokes ne
Me:none what so ever
Him:what are you guys doing today
Me:I just got up really, I slept really late and woke up pretty
early and I napped, got up and watched some movies and now I
feel like I’m still tired and need another nap
Him: usudlile? (la I was sold. Why is he asking me about the
conditions of my stomach?. Who sent him?)
Me: yeah I had breakfast around 09h30
Him: and its now 18h30 so ngicela uyodla, we don’t want you
fainting there with low sugar levels. I’ll call you in about 20
minutes by then you should be done
(he sounded really firm. In my head I’m thinking that this is
really sweet, but does he think I don’t know my way to the
kitchen when I’m hungry? This is a trap. It’s a set up)
Me: but I’m not hungry

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Him: you wouldn’t know cause you’ve been on the computer all
day watching movies and napping In between and so food didn’t
really fit in your schedule. Go eat I’ll talk to you in 20 minutes.
With that he hangs up without me even responding. This guy
must think he’s my dad I say to myself. Like are you really
gonna shout at me over my own tummy? Anyways I head to the
kitchen and dish up and indeed I was hungry. So this fucker I
know just through a picture on facebook was right. Meaning I
was complaining for nothing. 20 minutes felt like a second
because here he is calling me again..
Me: hi dad
Him: angyena uKhumalo mina
Me; evidently you are if you’re gonna be outchea instructing me
to eat
Him: were you not hungry?
Me: I was fine
Him: did you not eat?
Me: well that’s be…
Him: a simple yes or no will do
Me: well maybe I did
Him: good. I’m glad you’ve eaten. (he’s happy with himself and
might I admit, I am too) so when are you coming back?
Me: I don’t know, maybe Friday (its Tuesday vele today)
Him: ohk cool. Coming back to res or you’re going straight
home?
Me: I think im gonna go home, I miss my nephew
Him: ohk cool. Hopefully I get to meet you soon too (he sounds
disappointed, but I don’t care. I don’t know his ass anyways and
I miss my pumpkin)
Me:yeah hopefully. Anyways I have to go, I’m a little busy la
njengamanje (I lied)
Him: oh, ohk. I have to study too nami so I guess it’s goodnight
then. I’ll talk to you soon I hope
Me: maybe you will. Goodnight sir.. (I hang up first)
My heart is already smiling. This silly fucker is supposed to be
pumping blood and not blushing over stupid fuckers who
instruct me I’m hungry and I actually obey and eat. Mcim. This
idiot. I was brought back to earth by my phone beeping. It was a
message from him

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“your voice is everything. I’m sorry if I’m being forward but
I honestly can’t wait to meet you. Goodnight Sizwe”
for a second there my tummy went cold. Wait, I’m nervous.
Why? This fucker has only called me twice and already I’m
outchea having cold tummies and nerves?? “Toughen up
Zesizwe, you’re better than this” I keep telling myself. While I’m
busy negotiating with myself, another text comes through
” i don’t even know why I said goodnight now because I miss
your voice already and I’m gonna call you again just to say
goodnight. I prefer saying goodnight than texting it. I hope
you’re not a deep sleeper cause I’ll call till you pick up”
aibow nansi imhlola. Nansi inhliziyo inglahla ngo day 1. There
was just something about the way he commanded things in a
subtle manner that drew me closer and closer to him. I don’t
know whether it was the attention I was enjoying or it was his
very essence. I don’t care much though because it’s not like I’ve
known him forever. I didn’t respond to either of his texts. See I
may enjoy talking to him or even his attention but he wasn’t
about to know that. Oh no he wasn’t.
I headed back to the lounge to watch the last movie for the night
with the girls. We watched the Notebook. I went to bed the
moment I saw “cast” at the end of the movie. I slept almost
immediately, until my phone vibrated under my pillow and as
expected it was Lwandile
Me: hello (in my very “I’m sleeping voice”)
Him: wake up, I told you not to sleep (he’s in a good mood.
Probably happy to be talking to me)
Me: huhhuh please I need to sleep (I say with a voice that’s
barely there)
Him: I know you need to sleep but I miss talking to you and so
you will sleep after I talk with you a bit, just to see how you are
Me: but i..
Him: do you know the effort it took for me to not call you for the
last 3 hours, I actually really missed your piggy laugh so please
(there he goes with this command of his that I can’t explain.)
Me: ok ok DAD I’m up
Him: yeah so talk to me
Me: and say what?
Him: anything

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Me: really? You called me to have me tell you something,
anything? (I’m kinda annoyed to say the least)
Him: yeah. I wanna know how you are, I wanna know about your
day and what you got up to, I wanna know how you’re coming
back home. I wanna know your passions and what keeps you up
at night, I wanna know things that matter to you but for now
you can just tell me the simple things like how your day went
and the other deep stuff like passions we can talk about when I
see you ngoba usalele. How’s that?
Me: how about we cover it all tomorrow? I promise you I’ll tell
you everything ksasa (I’m pleading my case)
Him: yazi you’d be half way through the story if you’d just
started when I asked you first time uyeke ukuba nekani
nokuzama ukuNegotiate?
(I laughed and told him about my day. The movies and all else.
He was interactive but also gave me an ear. He’s a good listener
and our conversation flowed. We talked about 35 minutes before
we said our goodbyes.)
me: ohk, ulale kahle ke, I can barely keep my eyes open
him: awuu ngikubhora ngaleyondlela ukuthi awsakwazi
nokulinda ukungishiya (he was sulking and he sounded the
part)
me: it’s not even that, I’m just tired.
Him: you said you were on skype with your sister earlier today
and well I downloaded skype too today
Me: (I giggle a second before I realize hes actuall not laughing)
uzowenzani u skype? Have someone to call there? (I was being
sarcastic. It was heartwarming to even think that I’m the
reason he downloaded skype)
Him:it’s an interesting app to have, one day I’ll find something
to use it for but for now its just to extend my social media
availability
Me;(ouch) alright well, goodnight
We hung up and slept. I had a peaceful sleep ill tell you that
much for free.next morning I was woken up by a phone call
around 08:30

Me: hello
Caller: oooh no, please don’t tell me you’re still sleeping
Me: I’m still sleeping, what do you want?

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Him: (laughs his ass off)
Me: ohk I’m gonna hang up now
Him: im…
I hung up. My phone rings immediately after, I igniored it on the
first 2 rings and picked up on the third
Me: Hel..
Him:I’m sorry I was just playing with you. I missed you and I’d
like to see you so give me your skype handle so I can call please
Me: can we do this later, I need to shower and just clean myself
up first. I just got up and can’t be seen by you first time
ngingagezile nobuso
Him: ooh so you care what I think, kshuthi you care for me
Me: no I don’t, it’s just the right thing to do. I’d do it even if it
weren’t you
Him: defensive much?
Me: you know what, go away (I was blushing haard< I swear If I
was light skinned I’d be rosey)
Him: I promise not to even judge you. I saw your pics on
facebook and instagram and I know what you look like so your
morning look won’t phase me
Well well, what have we here. Honestly, I’m interested to see
him too and I think it’s sweet that he doesn’t seem to care. I
enjoyed talking to him anyways and so I gave him my skype
handle and it wasn’t even 5 minutes later that he called. i had
the phone face the opposite direction and not my face. I
answered
Me: hello
Him: I can’t see you
Me: hhau, that’s the first thing you’re gonna say
Him: Sizwe I still can’t see you
There’s something about the way he called my name. I’m
Zesizwe and I have people call me Zeh or Zessy or Zwe. He was
the first to call me Sizwe and it just sounded right. Like home.. It
made my heart race, but he didn’t need to know that. Atleast not
yet.
Me: I honestly look ridiculous, dude (I was really scared to have
him see me)
Him: you wouldn’t even if you tried and don’t say that about
yourself. Don’t put yourself down
Me: pinky swear you’ll play nice

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Him: awyeke inkani. I pinky swear
I turned the camera to my face. See truth is I don’t look all bad
when I get up in the mornings. My eyes are clear, my skin looks
clean and fair you’d swear I’d had a facial in my sleep.
He looks at me with his eyes popped out and his chin resting on
his hand. He looks at me and lights up. He’s really excited to see
me and I didn’t even need him to say it, I could just see it. My
heart softened immediately. 2 days talking to this fucker and I
think it’s safe to say I like him. I actually like him.
Him: you’re beautiful. You’re absolutely beautiful I dont even
know why you didn’t want me to see you. Hiii beautiful (he says
this soo effortlessly with the sweetest smile stuck on his face)
Me: stop it (I put my hands over my eyes, blushing as fuck)
Him: ohk ohk (he surrenders) how did you sleep?
I was about to answer when he spoke again
Him: oh God I’m sorry, I just can’t get over how beautiful you
look and to think you just got up from your sleep is absurd.
Dude, you’re pretty
Me: ohk thank you. Can you stop now, can you just stop (I’m
laughing) so yes I slept well how about you (Lord knows I’m
blushing)
Him: I slept well. I only got a few hours of sleep cause I have to
study, I’m writing on Monday
We spoke just above an hour and I learnt that he is a 4th year
medical student at the UKZN. I now know that he is either at the
hospital from 07;30 to 16:00 daily or he’s busy on his books
studying. He needs to make time to cook, nap, study, socialize a
little, go to gym and and and. He doesn’t have all the time in the
world but he makes time to fit in everything he needs to on a
daily basis.
After that call we were literally on the phone every few hours.
We were on skype up to 8/9 hours a day. Don’t even ask me
about his books cause he said it’s not my business. All I need to
know is that he’s studying and has everything under control.
I ended up not leaving on Friday, I left the following Monday and
went home. I left home for college on Wednesday. Wednesday
would be the first time I meet Lwandile I was excited and
nervous too. I went to do my hair first, straight back. My whole
forehead was out. I wanted him to meet me and not be confused
next time he sees me with my big forehead later on kanti first I

17
met him I confused him with a fringe. I left the salon and went to
res to freshen up before I meet Lwandile for dinner. It was
already 17h30 when I got there and just when I put on my
shoes, my phone rang. uLwandile.
Me: lwandile
Him: hey beautiful, I’m outside (he sounded as nervous as I was)
Me: oh, ohk give me a minute
Him: don’t make me wait too long, I’ve been anticipating this
day a while now
I giggle and hung up. I was wearing blue jeans a rusty orange
shirt and sandals. We were gonna be eating at nandos near
Howard college so I didn’t need a purse. I walked out and he was
standing at the end of the passage near my res. I walked
towards him and swear to God I was shaking. Atleast I looked
pretty. He was all dressed up himself. He had on his blue diesel
jeans and a polo jersey top and his palladium boots. He really
made an effort. He was just alright and he was short just a little
taller than me. He wasn’t tall at all but that didn’t matter. He
was just staring at me and smiling, I got to him
Him: hey (reaches for a hug)
Me: sawbona
Him: you look beautiful still
Me: ngyabonga. You look alright yourself (we both laugh and
walk down to the restaurants at school).
Him: so I finally meet you and I don’t even know what to say to
you (he’s still nervous)
Me: awuu that’s unlike you ungiqhwaga kanje ocingweni (I
laugh. He’s not laughing hes staring at me with such grace.)
awuu kahle ngyadlala
Him: huh.. sorry. I’m just.. I just..
Me: just what?
Him: umuhle Zesi and I’m really happy to meet you
Me: ngyajabula nam kukwazi Lwandile
Him: please call me Lwa. Everybody calls me Lwa
Me: and I wanna call you Lwandile.
Him: nkani.. yeey sizoyqeda nyaa (he chuckles)
Me: I’d like to see you try..
Him: hmm. So what would you like to eat
Me: right now I feel like I’m not hungry, hotwings and icecream
are just fine

18
Him: aibo kahle ukuzincisha ukudla. Kahle kahle wena
awukthandi ukudla? Yini you nervous? (he smirks)
Me: hahahaaa nervous? Don’t flatter yourself. To answer your
question I love food, it makes me happy. What I don’t like is
eating when I’m not hungry or when I don’t feel like eating. Are
you hungry?
Him: not quite. Ohk, lets go have your icrcream and hotwings la
eKFC (we walk to KFC and placed our order while I go find us a
table. He joins me 5 minutes later with my icecream and dunked
wings. he keeps looking at me like he’s trying to study me. At
first I thought maybe he recognizes me from somewhere. He
even tilts his head mese engbheka kahle)
Me: aiibow EARTH TO LWANDILE (I snap my fingers to his face)
yin kwenzenjan?
Him: I’m sorry. I’m here
Me: somethings up, I’d like to know what
Him: I can’t tell you now, you’ll find it weird considering ukuthi I
just met you
Me: you better try me
Him: this whole week talking to you I already felt like I like you.
But seeing you here confirms that I really like you. I’m
interested in getting to know you
Me: and what’s weird about that?
Him: I don’t know how you think and analyse things
Me: Zesizwe 101, don’t think for me. I prefer honesty and
straightforwardness
Him: oh, ohk then. I think I like that. I can live with it.. (he
smiles)
We ate and talked and laughed for close to 2 hours. He has a
lovely sense of humour. He’s actually really funny and
understands the silliest things I say sometimes, even those I’d
originally thought he wouldn’t get. I told him about my degree
and why I chose psychology over all other options I had, even
that I quit my aspirations of being a lawyer the day I walked into
the law building in college and saw a library full of just brown
books that all looked similar. He laughed at me and said I fear a
challenge. I wasn’t in the mood of justifying or defending myself
and so I didn’t. When we were done he walked me back to res
and went back to his in LB.

19
We saw each other everyday for about 2 weeks. We did a lot of
talking during that time. We got to know each other more and
actually became quite the friends. Somewhere in between he
called me to meet him outside my res at the stairs. I walked out
in leggings, a tank top and slippers. He was feeling some type of
way and I guess he needed some input on some things that had
been bothering him. The minute I got to him he hugged me and I
sat down on the stairs. He spoke
Him: good seeing you again (he’s serious)
Me: what’s up, you’re scaring me
Him: no no don’t be scared (he smiles). I heard you say love
liberates izolo and I didn’t wanna bother you with questions
then, I just wanna know what that means
Me: (I let out a sigh of relief) it means just that. I don’t know
how to explain it. Why?
Him: my idea of love is nurture. I love you more when you’re
here and close to me. I don’t understand the liberates part of it
because if my English serves me correct to liberate is to set free
(he looks worried)
Me: oh that’s the part you’d like me to explain. Ohk, see, for me,
to love is to set free and not to tie down. I believe the best gift
you could give me is yourself taken care of. It’s you being the
best you can be and so if being the best you can be is away from
me then I liberate you to be just that. I want a partner of mine to
soar, to live, to become and I love you enough to let you be that. I
love you enough to let you flourish even if it’s without me. I
liberate you because I set you free to become. Tying you down is
selfishness and not love, you’re not mine. You are yours sharing
yourself, your love and your happiness with me. And so I love
you in SA, I love you in China, America, Asia or wherever you
feel like you’ll thrive by being at. Even if it’s without me.
Him: hm. Ohk. I think I understand you now. So you’re saying as
your partner I could do anything I wanna do?
Me: I’m saying do anything that you feel serves you, grows you
and allows you to thrive. Somethings you may do because you
feel like they allow you to thrive or flourish and that’s ohk but
also remember that some of those things may not be in line with
me and so I am allowed to remove myself from a scene when it
causes me discomfort without even asking you to stop a
particular behavior.

20
Him: give me an example
Me: easy. Say for example you’re a cheat. You feel like cheating
makes you “the man”. That’s you flourishing in your lane. I, as
your partner am allowed to gracefully leave the relationship and
liberate you to go be in multiple relationships because that
doesn’t work for me. I’m allowed to remove myself from that
equation without asking or begging you to quit it because you
might find someone who doesn’t mind it, just like I could also
meet a guy who doesn’t cheat. That way we both 1win.
Him: hm. Interesting view
Me: I should say thanks
We went on and on talking until he came in to eat and left at
around 19h30 because he had to go nap and study. We were
officially an item. 12 September was our official anniversary.
Lwandile was a sweetheart I swear to God. We made all the
sense. We went for walks, we did res groceries together he even
knew my period cycle and wouldn’t mind buying me my pads
sometimes. I remember walking to Davenport for a few things I
needed, including pads. We got there he took a mini basket and
we bought some snacks and pasta and sauces and mince for
him. He was cooking for us. We get to the aisle where the pads
are,
Me: you don’t have to come through with me, I’ll just dash and
get the pads and come back to you
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind and walks to the pads
section right ahead of me
Him: which ones do you use?
This was rather weird because I’ve dated before and I know how
my exes were as far as pads were concerned and so I guess
anything outside of that was weird for me
Me: you know you really don’t have to do this? I know how guys
are with pads and I have a brother, I understand
Him: Sizwe which ones do you use?
Its like he wasn’t even hearing me. I grab my dark pink Kotex
and toss them in the basket. He looks at them and then at me
Him: you said you’re a heavy flow when we spoke about pads
and I’m sure 1 pack won’t do. Are these the pads you use or
you’re just grabbing nje
Me: these are the ones I use

21
He grabs another pack and walks to the next aisle with a pack of
pads in his hands. He’s reading the packaging
Me:Lwandile bakithi please put those in the basket you’ll read
all about them when we get to res
Again he’s not listening. He looks at me and continues reading
and the whole of Spar is looking at this fucker reading a Kotex
pads packaging. He remembers something and goes back to the
aisle where the pads and comes back with pantyliners
Me: and then?
Him: you’ll need these towards the end of your periods.
SILENCE…
He speaks again
Him: Sizwe I need to know these things incase one day I need to
buy them for you ungekho. See now I know what you use so
should you call me one day and say you have an emergency and
need pads I know exactly what to get you
Me: it’s just weird but I understand
Him: Zesizwe I’m studying to be a Dr. I see worse every other
day, a packet of pads from Spar are no big deal for me. Believe
me. Thank you for being considerate but its really ohk
In my head I’m thinking, why didn’t I think of this myself again?
He sees VJJs and touches them and sees sores and wounds and
births and deaths why am I worried about pads again? I flushed
the thought of being worried about him with pads and never
really thought of it ever again
He was as silly as they came. We spent a lot of time together
and he was quite a cook. Yes he’d cook for me and bring me food
or invite me over for dinner when he felt like he had outdone
himself in the kitchen. He hated having me hungry. Id
sometimes call him during day or he’d call me and the moment I
say “hungry”, he drops everything to bring me food, even if it
was leftovers from the day before or even bread and fries. See it
never had to be anything fancy. I appreciated just the thought.
He once walked from medical school to my res in 15 minutes
just because I’d said I’m leaving to go home and we’d done the
deed the first time ever the night before. When he called to
check on me I was in the shower and when I’d got back I called
him and he answers
Him: is everything ohk? I tried calling you earlier and you didn’t
pick up

22
Me: everything is fine. I was in the shower when you called and
my phone was in my room (I say this in a really soft tone)
Him: you don’t sound ohk though
Me: I’m fine (sigh). I’m going home now, I just finished getting
dressed
Him: see you’re not ohk. Why would you go home midweek?
Me: because I don’t need to have a reason to go home, I just miss
being home
Him: are you leaving now now? (he sounds defeated)
Me: yes I’m going home now. I’m gonna put on my shoes now
and walk out
Him: can you give me 15 minutes then you can go I just need to
see you. I’ll meet you at the taxi rank in 15/20 minutes (he was
already moving, I could hear he was probably packing his stuff
cause I could hear him packing)
Me: ohk.
I hung up and tears flowed. I don’t even know why I was all
emotional. I said a mini prayer and walked out of my room 15
minutes later. When I was sure nobody would see I was crying
or that I wasn’t really ohk. see, I’m really loud and bubbly so
when I wasn’t ohk you could spot me from a mile away. I took
my handbag and walked to the rank. When I got there he was
already waiting for me. He saw me and walked towards me and
opened his arms and I walked right in. He held me in silence and
I let out a soft sob. I just rested on his shoulder and silently
cried. He didn’t dare say a word. After a few minutes I tried to
break the hug but he didn’t let go. I wiped my tears with my
hands and he handed me his handkerchief to use. When he was
sure I was ohk he spoke
Him: I’m sorry. I know what this is about. I know I should have
called you manje I was at the hospital all day and my phone
wasn’t with me that’s why I didn’t call you or even send a text.
The message I sent you ekseni was before I put my phone in the
locker I’m sorry. (he’s really sorry, even his eyes are pleading
his case. I believe him)
Me: it’s ohk (my voice barely there)
Him: no it’s not. I knew something like this would happen when I
saw the clock strike 12h00 and I had no access to my phone. I
could barely concerntrate. I called you the moment I got my
hands on my phone and when you didn’t pick up I thought

23
ungdubile kanti bewgeza and now you’re leaving me here and
going home on a weekday at that (he’s panicking and he looks
flushed)
Me: it’s ohk really. I’m glad you’re well and I’m sorry you
couldn’t concerntrate because you were busy worried about me
Him: nonsense. I really care for you and I understand just how
you must have been feeling not hearing from me all day after
last night. I’m soo sorry Sizwe
Me: it’s ohk. (it started to drizzle). I need to get going before it
rains and I get wet before I get home and you also need to get to
your room so you can cover todays work
Him: I’m going back to college I have a tutorial in 15 minutes. I
just came up to see you and run back
Me: you came all the way up to see me for a minute only to rush
back to medschool for a tutorial? (I’m shook)
Him: yeah. I would have even run from Town if I had to and I’d
do it again honestly.. (he isn’t phased. He’s looking at me like
I’m being silly again just like he did the day we bought my pads.)
Me: ohk I’ll walk back with you and take a taxi to town from
King Edward Hospital
Him: no you are not. You’ll catch a cold
Me: I wasn’t exactly asking for your permission
he laughs and takes my hand leading the way. After we crossed
I let go of his hand. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow and I
don’t care. We walk down the road talking and laughing and it’s
drizzling harder and I honestly didn’t care. We got to king
Edward and it was raining. I told him to leave me for class cause
he was already late but ke I knew he wouldn’t have that,
especially not today. He stopped the taxi for me, hugged me and
wished me a safe trip. The minute the taxi moved he ran
approaching NMSM. I got home, bathed and had coffee while
catching up with my sisters. I shot him a text letting him know I
was home safe and he called immediately
Me: Lwandile
Him: ave ulbiza kahle kodwa igama lamm. Uhambe kahle?
Me: yes I did thanks. I hope you weren’t too late for your tutorial
Him: I was about 30 minutes late and I have the notes so don’t
worry
Me: ohk cool. Udlile? You should rest you must be tired. I
honestly didn’t know you had to go back to medical school

24
otherwise I wouldn’t have let you come all the way up only to go
back
Him: well then I’m glad you didn’t know cause I wouldn’t have
seen you and I’d have felt even worse
Me: yeah well
Him: I hope you’re warm cause you know flue loves you and it
drizzled on you today
Me: hahahaa very funny (I’m being unnecessarily sarcastic, I
know) yeah I’m warm. You still haven’t answered my question.
Udlile?
Him: yeah I cooked ngadla now I’m gonna nap so I can wake up
to study in a few hours
Me: ohk then let me not keep you. I’ll talk to you ksasa.
Goodnight sir
Him: always ready to leave me (he’s sulking. I still don’t care. I
don’t want him failing or his marks dropping then he blames me
for it) ohk goodnight NtombiZesizwe, ill talk to you ksasa
We hung up. My heart was just too happy right now. Did he just
call me NtombiZesizwe? Does he even know how deep this is?
Being the emotional wreck I am I nearly cry but I didn’t.
Anyway I updated the girls about my love life and everything
else that’s been happening. They were really happy for me, they
wished us well and what bothered me was the fact that
everybody was planning our wedding and imagining the home
and the kids and the lifestyle and all things in between. This is
supposed to excite me but it doesn’t because when Lwandile and
I talked he kept saying “anything could still happen” or “can we
live in the moment and not plan too far in the future” or “can we
take it as it comes and live in the now”. As he spoke I got a
feeling that he wasn’t afraid to lose me and that scared me but I
didn’t ask him about it. I tucked it in at the back of my head but
it bothered me soo bad. I guess that was the first redflag that I
ignored. I was hoping. BIG MISTAKE!

25
 Chapter two

Weeks turned to months and we were fine with Lwandile. We’d

grown soo much and soo close that even the way we resolved
arguments was priceless. He was the calmest. We hardly ever
argued but when we did he always made sure I was calm. He
knew exactly what to apologize for when he was wrong and that
made things soo much easier for me. I was better able to
apologize myself when we’d argued. He was amongst the
calmest people I’d ever known and I’d always tell him “Lwandile,
you’re the calmest person I know and when you’re calm you
make me calm too. When you panic mina ngsuke sengbamda
cause if you’re panicking that means the situation is just
ridiculously scary..” he’d just smile everytime I said that and
kiss my forehead or just take me into his arms.
We never argued about girls. This didn’t bother me because I
trusted him. I trusted him with my life. He knew literally
everything about me. I attached with him soo much he became
my confidant, he encouraged my relations with people and as
time went on I really didn’t see the need cause I had my sisters,
him and the few friends I’d always had, I didn’t see the need to
get a million more people to deal with.

I went to visit my sister in America a few months. Sometimes I

think that’s where things went wrong. We were fine when I left.
We were strong and he promised me his loyalty and that when I
came back he’d be right here waiting for me. I tried talking to
him everyday and because of the time difference it proved to be
rather difficult. He started going missing on weekends. I’d call
till my phone got hiccups. It was amongst the saddest things to
watch him disconnect. I never stopped trying though it was
pretty evident that at times I was very much annoying him but

26
that still didn’t stop me. Then the thought that I’d tucked to the
back of my head returned “he’s not scared to lose you”. I sent
him a text and it read,
”if your heart is no longer here or with me don’t stay as if
you’re forced. If you need a break from me do say. Stop
treating me like a queen when you feel like it and like shit
when it suits you’
to which he responded;
“that’s deep but noted. Angazi ngithini keh, ulale kahle and
have fun for the event ksasa.”
I had a closing night party at my sister’s work the next day
before heading to New York the following week and straight
from JFK to South Africa. At the back of my head I knew I’d lost
him. I knew something was up and he just wasn’t ready to tell
me yet.
Indeed I had all the fun at the closing night party, had a few
margaritas and I’d forgotten all about my stress over a man who
possibly doesn’t love me anymore.
The week went by quickly. We arrived in New York and I’d told
my sister about what had been happening between Lwandile
and I. see this sister of mine is the one that’s woke. She lets you
make your own decisions without feeling judged but by the time
you’re done talking to her you’ll know what’s right it’s up to you
to defy it.
Her: “ I can’t tell you much I don’t know the depths of your
relationship but Zesizwe remember, Love Liberates.” She was
holding my right hand into both her hands when she said that
and when she was done talking she squeezed and said
Her:“ you already know what you wanna do about this situation
you’re just asking me for reassurance and approval which you
know you don’t need. Whatever you decide I’m behind you. I
love you”
With that she neatly placed my hand on the armrest and put on
her neck support and napped.
I had no come back. Those are the exact words I told him when
he asked me what love means to me. I said it liberates.
3 days in New York then back to South Africa. It was good to be
home. I had a newborn niece who made me forget all my
worries, I looked forward to seeing Lwandile and hopefully fix

27
things. I’d kept hoping that things weren’t too fargone that they
couldn’t be patched and fixed.

We separated. The beginning of what I thought was the end.

Lwabola ubisi. Except now I hadn’t thought of it as ukulunga
kwamasi. I took forever. I couldn’t believe that this was truly
the end, I thought he was going through something, I justified
and said there’s no way my Lwandile was talking to me. I
rejected the very idea that he didn’t love me anymore.
I didn’t respond to that witchcraft. I wasn’t about to dignify it
with my emotions. I was quiet the whole of Sunday. I had no
strength in me to address it, I felt like he would later come back
to me and ask me to ignore the nonsense he’d sent me. BUT how
do I erase his infedility from my mind should he really come
back? What will our relationship be like should we survive this?
How would I ever trust him again? A part of me felt like perhaps
I should let him go as he asked while the other part of me felt
like I had to fight.
I went to bed with a heavy heart. I went to bed looking and
feeling like a zombie. My whole face was swollen and flushed.

Next day..
I got ready for work and decided to shoot him a text

“Hi
I tried calling you a few times earlier. I need to talk to you a
few. Even if its for the last time”
….
“Im not trying to annoy you or be a nuisance, I really need to
talk to you”
….
“Lwandile I need closure and you not picking up isn’t helping
me”
….

None of my texts got a response. I don’t think there was

anything more heartbreaking in this life. I spoke to my sisters
about it and they were supportive as always, helplessly
watching me try to pick up some of the pieces. I could see it in

28
their eyes that they were suffering on my behalf. Just like they
couldn’t reach me, I couldnt reach them either, just to tell them
I’m ok, that I’ve been here before and I know how the story goes.
What made it harder to accept this was the fact that Saturday
evening Lwandile and I went to bed the night before having
talked about going for a mini vacation in Oribi Gorge and not
even 8 hours later I’m dumped. So he just slept and woke up the
next morning and realized he doesn’t want me anymore.

The whole week was slow really. I sent him multiple texts telling
him that I I was drunk on emotions when I said I needed closure,
it’s him I wanted and not closure. I commanded he fetches me at
Scottsville that Friday so we’d talk and he did. Friday evening,
he picked up my call for the first time in a week. This is where I
got my closure.

It was cold in PMB, drizzling too. The minute I got to his place I
got into the shower no longer than 15 minutes and when I got
out he had already eaten while my food was still on the counter.
I knew before even talking that there was no going back..

Me:Hau usudlile? (in such dissapointment)

Him: yah (he knows what he’s done)
Me: ngaphandle kwamm (I was defeated)
Him: ei ndoda benglambile
That “Ndoda” pierced right through my heart. It wasn’t the first
time he called me “ndoda” but something about this one hurt.
Deep. A part of me felt like uloyiwe. There was no way my
Lwandile would treat me like that. I couldn’t accept it. I loved
him. What about me? What about my heart? What about all
these emotions that were busy in my heart, although my head
did tell me that he wasn’t worth it, that he didn’t deserve me,
that he deserved to roll over and die?
I sat on that bed and just stared at him. Till I found the courage
to break the silence,
Me: Lwandile kwenzakalani?
Him: lutho (he looks away)
Me: you can’t say “lutho” when you sent that kind of message to
me on Sunday. So you’re just gonna end our relationship and
not have the decency to give me closure? You’ll just tell me

29
you’ve been in multiple relationships nje and that’s it? You’re
just gonna do me like that nje and not even care for my healing?
… there was silence in the room so bad that you could hear a pin
drop..
**about 5 minutes later, he speaks….**
Him: Zesizwe I’m sorry. If closure is what you need I’m afraid I
can’t give it to you right now. I’m not ready to talk about it so
I’m sorry if you’re here for closure I can’t give it to you.
With that he rested his head on his arms and stared at the
blankness of the wall. Mina at that time my tummy was cold as
ice. There was no saving this. I let it go but before I did I asked a
simple question that really was none of my business now that I
think of it
Me: is there someone else?
..SILENCE..
Him:no.

I asked no further questions. He got into bed and slept on the far
end of a king size bed while I was on the other end. Between us I
swear you could fit a whole elephant. I tried sleeping but I was
soo cold. It was just soo cold in that room I couldn’t handle it. I
managed to doze off and around 23h00 I was on whatsapp with
my sister. Lihle. The woke one.

Her: how are you? Where are you?

Me: I’m at Lwandiles
Her: why?
Me: I needed closure
Her: and did you get it?
Me: I think I did, I feel like shit (I put on some sad faces and she
video calls immediately)

Me: ja (my voice breaks)

Her: Zesizwe what’s going on?
Me: wait let me put on my ear phones (I get of the bed to my bag
and put on my earphones and sit on the edge of the bed)
Her: aibo Zesizwe
Me: he doesn’t want me anymore Lihle, he doesn’t love me (I
wail. I cry a river)

30
Her: breathe, right now you need to breathe. You’re ohk, we got
you. I’m glad you were strong enough to go get your closure
even though it hurts. You’re ohk. You’re fine. There’s nothing
wrong with you. You’re fine.
Me: he’s looking at me like I stink. It’s like I’m in a room with a
stranger. It’s soo cold. Lihle it’s soo cold (my tears flow like the
river Nile, I can’t stop them, they just keep coming)
Her: that’s ohk. Breathe and tell me what do you wanna do? Do
you want me to order you an uber?
Me: please (with a voice that’s barely there)
Her: ohk mamie send me the address. Now Zesizwe I don’t want
you putting yourself through worse and hurting yourself even
more just being there. I love you
Me:ohk I love you too (I say this with a firmer voice wiping my
tears with my arm)
Her: ohk gogo send me the address and get ready to leave

I hung up and looked back and found Lwandile sitting on the

edge of the bed looking like the whole world is on his shoulders.
He looked disappointed and concerned and hurt and everything
inbetween. I walked to the bathroom and washed my face. Came
back to the room and went straight to my bags to pack my stuff.
As I was packing I remembered I hadn’t asked for the address. I
look up at him and find his eyes glued to the floor..
Me: ngicela ungiphe address yalaykhaya
SILENCE…
While waiting for him to return to the now, I picked up my
phone and called my aunt who is my late moms younger sister
It rang a while then she picked up
Her: Zessy
Me: aunty, please send me grans physical address I only know
the postal
Her: usendleleni? (she sounded worried. She’s never liked us
travelling on rainy days)
Me: I’m coming home
Her: ohk sisi I’ll whatsapp it to you now now
Me: ohk ngyabonga.
I hung up. The moment I did my phone rang again. Auntys
number
Me: aunt

31
Caller: it’s me uZama.
Zama is my eldest sister. She’s the fucker that would literally
kill for us and show no remorse about it.
Me: ja mah
Her: are you coming home now?
Me: yeah. I’ll uber there. I should be there in an hour or so
Her; ohk mah siklindile. You’ll find us at the gate waiting for
you. Come home. Don’t stay where you’re unwanted when you
have a family that loves you. What would mom and dad say??
Come home. (there was something convincing about her voice.
Such determination)
Me: ohk mah (la, I was crying already)
Her: don’t cry. You’re a Khumalo. This will not break you.
You’ve seen worse. Zesi YOU’RE STRONGER THAN THIS.
Me: ohk
Her: ohk mah come home. We’re waiting for you.
I did say I was surrounded.
The moment I hung up Lihle called asking me for the address
and just as she hung up Lwandile walks in with a KFC serviette
with the address. I sent a picture to Lihle and she requested my
uber and sent me a screen shot of my ride. 10 minutes later
uber arrived and Lwandile walked me out looking like he’s died
a thousand deaths. When we got to the verander he speaks for
the first time as he hugs me goodbye
Him: please remember what I said, this has nothing to do with
you. This is all me. Please don’t project any of this to yourself,
you did nothing wrong (he sounds sad but I don’t buy it. He’s
hurt me enough in one night)
Me: I know it’s not me, I know I did nothing wrong. I’m not
gonna take this on myself when you’re the one who ended things
meaning you’re the one who has a problem. I wish you all the
happiness. I hope you find what you’re looking for since I’m not
it and I hope wherever it is it’s also looking for you.

With that I got into my uber and left him standing on the
verander.

The ride was rather long and the driver was talking to me and I
was actually quite talkative. Surprised me too. I briefed him
about what had happened and he also thought it was witchcraft.

32
I wasn’t hearing that. 01:17am I got home at granmas and
indeed they were waiting for me at the gate. Zama came for my
bags and thanked the uber driver for bringing me home. Talked
to the driver a few minutes while dancing to some house jam he
ended up pumping. Yes, she was a little tipsy. Isn’t she always.
She must have been amongst the most disappointed about this
breakup because she was vouching for him the most. Even when
I was mad at him she was the one who always put out fires and
made him mini video clips that they called “material”. He also
enjoyed just talking to her. But ke, we don’t always get what we
want.

I went inside and found my aunt sitting at the kitchen. The

moment she saw me she stood to embrace me and her eyes were
teary. She held me and she cried. That broke my heart
Her: oh ngane kaThandani (she’s crying and her voice is
breaking) kodwa yini? (she catches her breathe) usungaze
ungene ekhaya ngo 1 ekseni? Kodwa yini? (breathes again)
lomfana ubusumxake ngaloluhlobo lokuthi usengaze akudedele
uhambe ngo1 ekseni? Ubese engasakfuni ngaleyondlela? Kodwa
yini (she cries out of such hurt. I’m guessing she wasn’t crying
over the breakup I mean why would she? She was crying over
the fact that I’d been a burden to someone else. She couldn’t
imagine me rejected when I’m soo loved at home.
Me: maah it hurts (I couldn’t breathe) it hurts soo bad.
Kukhlungu ngaphakathi and I can’t even explain where it hurts
all I know is that it hurts soo bad, I’m drowning soo bad, I’m
drowning on air (I cried again)

She held me and never said a word. After this moment I decided
in my heart that this would be the last time I cried about this
and it was. I had my whole family hurting over my hurt and last
week my father came to my room and found me laying on the
bed
Him: uRight mntwana?
Me: yebo baba ngi right
He sat at the edge of my bed and put his hand on my cheek
Him: awbukeki ukahle kodwa uloke uzvalele la
Me: ai ngi right ngikhathele nje because of work

33
Him: oh umsebenzi? (he didn’t sound like he believed me)
kuyajwayeleka khona?
I started 5th Feb and it was now March and he always asks me if
I’m getting used to the place
Me: yebo kuyalunga kancame kancane
Him: yimi kuphela umuntu weslisa okuthanda ngokweqiniso
mntwana. Yimi kuphela
With that he said his goodnights, layed a fleece over me, turned
of my lights and closed the door on his way out. Again I cried.
So today I made up my mind that it was the last time I cried. The
very last.

The weekend went by quickly. Sunday I made my way home for

the normal weeks routine. Work and home. Nothing changed. I
was feeling much better, infact I was convinced I was over him. I
sent Lwandile a text on Sunday telling him I liberate him. I had
done all I could, I poured out my heart to his hands and he threw
it back on my face. I tried fixing it but he was adamant that he
was over us so I let him go with a clean heart and really that
chapter was closed for me.

Weeks went by and there were times where I wouldn’t think of

him for days on end. The one guy I once never saw my life
without, I look back now and wonder where he would have
fitted. I got over it soo bad I was surprised. I read 4 books. 1. The
monk who sold his Ferrari, The Untethered soul, the subtle art
of not giving a fuck, the seat of the soul and the Hlomu series
just for control. I needed some love.
After reading, I decided to start being kinder to myself. I’d
literally take a taxi to gateway for a frappeccino at Starbucks or
go watch a movie or lunch or a massage and even my nails nje.
This went on with no change for weeks and months. 5 month
later I still wasn’t looking for love I was just that girl who
remembered who she was and I remembered by such great
force. I didn’t need to think twice about things, if I wanted to do
it and had the resources to have it done then I’d do just that
before I get rational about things.

34
 Chapter three

One lazy Saturday, I decided I’d go see a movie at Imax and have
lunch at the village table eMhlanga. That’s all I could afford. I’m
still an intern after all. I dressed down cause it was pretty chilli
outside. I wore my highwaisted jeggings and a croptop that sits
right on the jeggings and a coat with boots. Rocked my afro and
just swinged with it. I saw the movie and when it finished I
ubered straight to the restaurant, I was craving their lamb
chops and a hot chocolate.
Half way through my meal, 2 fine ass brothers walked in. the
only reason I noticed them was because that dark skinned tall
and mascular fucker was staring at me unbothered by the fact
that he was inconveniencing me. Nonetheless I wasn’t there for
him and so I ate up and just in time my waitress came to check if
I was still ohk and I asked for the bill. She came back with the
bill and sweets and said that my bill had been taken care of. She
pointed at the guy who was staring at me. She gave me my
sweets and I bagged them. Now I’m torn. What do I do? Do I go to
him and thank him or do I just walk out? I did the first thing
that came to mind. I took a serviette and asked the waitress for
a pen. I scrapped a note to this fucker who thinks I have time for
him just because he chose to settle my bill, I wrote
“Thank you. You didn’t have to.”
I gave the waitress the note and grabbed my bag and walked out
the restaurant. As I was busy walking around Pearls of
UMhlanga, I felt a heaviness to my shoulders. I knew this fucker
was following me but I wasn’t about to turn and give his ass that
satisfaction. He caught up with me and I had no care in the
world

Him:Nkosazana
Did he just say that? Did he really just call me Nkosazana? I
wanted to smile because Nkosazana from such a guy didn’t add
up. He looked like he’d say “my lady” or something. Best believe

35
“Nkosazana” charmed me but he wasn’t about to know that. I’ve
been through too much to be sold by simple “Nkosazana” that he
probably said to another lady just after I left the restaurant.
I turned and looked at him and looked forward again, just so he
knows I acknowledge him
Him: uyaphila kodwa?
Me: yebo ngyaphila. (I’m still walking nje bakithi I was gonna
order an uber to take me back to gateway where I’d get taxis to
town.)
Him: nguSabelo Mbatha igama. iNkosazane yona ngzothi
umabani? (aibow Nkosi’yamm, I’m thinking to myself this is the
devil trying to test me. I soo badly wanna say, get thee behind
me satan, but how? I just wanna ask him “who sent you”)
Me: Khumalo
Him: oh maKhumalo. Igama lona?
Me: Zesizwe
Him: Zesizwe izintombi. Izintombi Zesizwe
Me: ezinhle. Izintombi EZINHLE Zesizwe
Him: (he’s blushing. He can’t even hide the fact that he’s just
taken by that last statement) oh zinhle ngempela maMntungwa.
Ujahile la uyakhona? Ngicela uzosijoyina nomfwethu sizodla but
you can just have drinks ngoba sewdlile unless you don’t mind
eating again
Me: ngijahile ungxolele
Him:ewu. Manje ngingaphinda ngikubone kanjani kodwa?
Ngingajabha kabi ma ungaphinde ungilahlekele sengiktholile
That statement nje spoke to my soul, but then again
nakuLwandile had those moments so I can’t trust them kule
life.
Me: ei angazi bhuti.
I took my phone out and went straight for the uber app. He saw
this and asked
Him: oh uhamba ngoUber?
I gave him a dead stare
Me:Yebo
Him: ngyacela kube umina okubizelayo wona. Ukthathe
uyokubeka la uyakhona.
Me: cha ngyabonga bhuti ngiRight. You’ve even paid for my food
I’m sure I can handle this one
Him: please, let me. I’ll feel better

36
He looks like he’s being genuine and well, I’ll save a few bucks so
I’m taking this one. See I don’t trust him though, and he must
think he’s got me kanti lutho. We’ll meet again if it’s destiny.
Me: are you sure? I’m a grown woman I can take care of myself
Him: I know you can. You wouldn’t have been stranded had I not
come meaning you can take care of your own. Just for today,
please, let someone take care of this strong woman KaKhumalo
Me: ngyabonga
Him: don’t mention it. Obviously you’re a hard nut so I won’t
take you address lest you think I wanna stalk you. I’ll just order
an uber and you’ll have it take you straight home so you’re safe
and remain unknown to me. Just meeting Zesizwe Khumalo is
enough for me. Hopefully we’ll meet again.
Me: ohk cool. Ngyabonga
Him: thank me one more time and I’ll drag you right back to
village table
Me: sengthuli. (we laughed)
He waited with me till my ride came and we talked about simple
stuff like how beautiful he thinks I am and how sad he is that he
might never get the chance to see me again and and and. Before
we knew it my ride had come. I thanked him again and said my
goodbyes. He stood there watching the uber till he disappeared.
Uber driver: sisi I’m Siyanda
Me: hi Siya
Him: uyaphila?
Me: I couldn’t be better, how about yourself?
Him: ngyaphila. Manje la y’all didn’t indicate ukuthi uyaphi
Me: awu ncese senglibele. Please leave me in town eMakethe
Him: ohk akhonkinga.
There was no traffic so I got to town rather shortly and thanked
my driver as I wait for my bus. This Sabelo guy must think he’s
smart. Calling me an uber driver to leave me home means after
drop off uber would send him a notification of the destination
when they send the charge receipt. Did he really think he’d get
me that easy. Should have known something was a turn off
about him. How dare he thinks I’m that blonde. Mcim.
The driver picked up the phone just before he took off, looked at
me and drove away. Bus came, I hopped in and made my way
home.

37
I got home, bathed and chilled with the girls briefing them about
my day. Then as I was talking I realized that that fucker made
me smile a few times and that maybe I’d made a mistake not
even giving him my number or my work extention. The fucker
looked handsome. He is tall, with long legs and mascular, with a
detailed jawline, and a cleaned up beard. He has deep dark
brown eyes with English pointy nose and was chocolate, he
looked like a basket ball player and another thing, HE FUCKING
SMELLED GOOD. Ooooh his cologne JESUS! The girls thought I
was stupid and a part of me felt that way too I swear. I wished I
could turn back time but I was too late. Unfortunately. “chin up
babes you did this and no time to sulk over spilt milk. Just pray
to God you bump into him again.” With that we watched movies,
had some wine and slept late. Next day was church and back
home for Sunday lunch with the girls. I had to sleep early
because I had work the next day. I got my weeks clothes in
order and chilled with the girls talking about sweet nothings.

Next day.
I left for work and arrived at 07:15am as always. Checked my
emails and I had a few to respond to also had a couple of
meetings with my mentor including a grievance I was sitting in
on. So I had no time to joke around I had to go there prepared.
Nondu walked in at about 07h30
She’s another ride with me or die with me. She’s also as weak as
I am and she lives for love. She even cries sometimes
Her: sisi (she’s banging on my shoulder) tell me about Sabelo. I
wanna look you in the eye and tell you how much you messed up
Me: aw oe play nice. I already feel bad enough (I pout)
Her: eey wisilima sessi ngyaxolisa ukusho. Hhau Nkosi
yam.imana seyehlile yakuhlula isila (claps once)
Me: please don’t judge me (I pout again)
Her: ai fuseg sathane vele I’m judging you. Yeeey ungtshela
Saturday kwakuthi angindizele kuleyo Chatsworth leyo
ngikthele impama sathane onamabibane
I could hold it, I laughed soo hard I actually forgot about the
potential mess I made, or saved myself from. See though it
bothered me, it didn’t bother me half as much as it bothered the
girls. I’m laughing nje and she has a straight face. Shame she’s
really annoyed

38
Her: which part of this is funny ngempela
Me: you ( I say inbetween my laughter)
Her: ai uyangdina sisi angfun nje ukudlala ngawe. infact today I
don’t wanna see you
With that she leaves and goes to her working station. I follow
her and she totally dismises me
“great! I resist Sabelo and now my friends are rejecting me
because I rejected him. Just awesome” I say to myself.
Before I realize its 09:00am and I have to go for this grievance. I
have no time to follow after people who are mad at me for
rejecting a stranger. Aibow I rejected him for me and not them.
Aibo ngfelani.

Days went by and though they were mad at me eOffice

nasekhaya they couldn’t hold that up forever. Friday morning I
noticed that I’d been seeing the same audi a while now. Plated
NUR something. But thought to myself someone from work must
have done the things that made the buying of the audi to be
done. Charcoal in colour. It looked good, but ke audi is one of my
faves so it’s no wonder it would catch my attention. I pay no
mind to it.

I walk into the office, bubbly as ever. Today I’m a little late but I
don’t care. I sign in at 07:30 to my workstation. I go to the
kitchen to get myself a cup of coffee and check on my emails
before I plan my day. The ladies walk in we catch up and 8am we
begin with work. I have some reports to write as well as a
meeting at 12. I’d have a busy Friday and I needed to
concerntrate lest I leave at 5 today. Kanti 4pm is already late
enough nje for a Friday.
I’m buried in my work when my line rings. It’s reception
Me: Mam’Gee
Shes mrs Gigaba but we call her mamGee
Her: Zesizweeeeeee ntombi woza eReception you have a delivery
Me: a delivery?
Her: yebo ntombi ithandiwe ingane. Ithandiwe ingane poooh
I laugh cause she treats me like a new born
Me: ohk mah ngyeza.
I hung up and ran to Nondu

39
Her: yin wangena neycabha nje sewphoseka ujahwa ubani?
(she’s sarcastic by nature)
Me: awkahle. mamGee says I have a delivery awungi…
Her: asambe ghel usalana! Woza woza (she’s already grabbing
my arm and rushing, leading the way) wenza kancane nawe
sessi
We get to reception and it’s a bunch of lilies in a vase and fererro
rocher chocolates. Nondu goes crazy crazy
Her: oooooh yini Bawo(her hands are on her cheeks with the
excitement of a kid at a candy store, she can’t even contain it)
liphi card?
Me: angilboni.
mamGee hands it to me and Ndu snatches it off my hands and
utters “you’re too slow”. She opens it and reads it. It says

“have a day as beautiful as yourself Nkosazana”

The minute she says Nkosazana I freeze because in my head I’ve
connected all the dots and they lead me back to Sabelo
her: NKOSAZANA? Who is this sunshine calling you
NKOSAZANA? (she’s excited and in disbelief) hm. NKO-SA-ZA-
NA (she lifts her hands in surrender) I’d be a Mrs. So who’s this
guy cause this time it’s not your sister?
Yes, my sister Lihle usually delivers me flowers at home or
work. So judging by the message even I have established that
they aren’t from her.
me: it’s him
her: huh? Him who? (she’s lost)
Me: Sabelo. It’s him. He calls me Nkosazana
Her: ai suka! Ngazongenza islima wena. Ekthathaphi ngoba
wena washiya uUber emakethe uphapha (she doesn’t even
believe it)
Me: aibow he was struck by my unique beauty. Said it was
unique and when he first talked to me he just said “Nkosazana”
(I’m explaining at the pace of a bullet)
Her: aibow ekuthathaphi Zesizwe?
Me: I don’t know. He did say he was happy just meeting Zesizwe
Khumalo (my eyes are popping out of their sockets) what if he
stalking me or hired a PI

40
Her: aibow ngeke he wouldn’t go that far you watch too much
movies. Right now lets keep open minds. Maybe its one of these
farm boys from the office
Me: none of them ever call me Nkosazana
Her: ai Zesizwe ngeke it sounds far fetched. You ditched the
uber in town and went to Chatsworth. There’s no finding you
there ngeke. Think about it, it makes no logical sense.
She’s right. Maybe I’ts my sister pulling a prank in me. How
would he know where I work. Ai ngeke. I should call Lihle later. I
give my ferrero away. Well I was gonna throw it away, what if
its poisoned or something but MamGee and the girls took it and
ate it. Nondu said I must be high on bullcrap to think she’d
dispose a chocolate collection of that sort. I put the flowers on
my desk and continued to work. Lunch hour came and Thabi
demanded an update. We gave it to her
Her: kodwa Zesizwe I don’t even know what to say to you
Me: please don’t start
Nondu: weSisi namm bengingamukhukumisi the whole week
Me: guys stop. I’m right here
Thabi: we know but even I know that what you did was rather
stupid
Me: guys destiny will let us meet again please don’t stress my
life
Thabi: I hope so. Otherwise you’ll always live to wonder.
Nondu: too late. She’s already wondering and already thinking
the poor ditched guy is the reason behind these flowers (she
smells them) ooh they’re beautiful
Thabi: what is it Zesizwe? (she’s concerned) is it Lwandile? Are
you missing Lwandile?
Nondu: no it’s not, she’s over him
Thabi gives her a death stare and they both turn to look at me
Them: khuluma
They look at each other and laugh then back at me
Me: no it’s not. I don’t know what happened I just didn’t feel like
entertaining Sabelo
Thabi: are you over Lwandile?
Me: I am I swear. I’m just taking some time out
Nondu: why you lie? You know you’re now waiting on Sabelo
(she wiggles her eyebrows)
Me: awungyeke sathane onamabibane (we all laugh)

41
Lunch was over and back to work. The day went by quicker than
other days. After work we all left and I took my flowers with me.
They’d die at the office had I left them there the whole weekend.
Who would have watered them?. Now I’m walking up Smith
Street like an idiot with a vase of flowers in my hands smiling
like an idiot. I’m not even worried about how this idiot found me
anymore cause he already has and I can’t change that so for
now, I’ll just coexist with it.
I got home and Zama was just there waiting for me at the door.
05:10 I was home and she was sitiing no Pretty by our steps.
The moment they realized it was me with the flowers
Zama: hiiiiiiiiiih ai weGheloza (she’s literally screaming)
Pretty: aibow uyena yini neymbali?
Zama: kungabuye kube ubani omunye kungeyena
umaNunwana? maNunuz, aibow Nuzen Nuh(she’s excited AF)
Pretty: ai sisi explain yourself
I’m just approaching and blushing soooo bad. I hand them the
card
Zama: manje ubanike lo
Me: I think uSabelo. He’s the one who called me Nkosazana last
Saturday but at the office they think it’s far fetched cause I
ditched his uber eMakethe
Zama: there’s truth in that. But there’s something about a man
who knows what he wants and going after it. I wouldn’t be
surprised if this guy followed your uber and bus home
Me: aibow can he ever?(eyes popping) naah he doesn’t look like
the creepy type (I’m convincing myself too. I don’t know what
he’s capable of. I don’t know him)
Pretty: you can’t be too sure (she raises an eyebrow) you need
to be careful, you can’t receive flowers from someone you don’t
know and not be bothered (in my head I’m thinking she has a
point)
Zama: kahleke mam’nengalo ihaba. I’m sure it’s not that deep
Me: ai ngyekeni
I left them and went inside to shower and change so I get ready
for dinner. See, I was shook, I was worried but the other part of
me wanted it to be him. I was excited to find out how much more
he could do if he made such an effort finding me after I ditched
the uber ride he requested for me eMakethe.

42
The girls come inside and we have dinner and watch our
soapies. I wasn’t tired much it’s Saturday tomorrow so I don’t
need to sleep early. The house was hot so we got our chairs and
sat outside by the verander talking and reminiscing about mom.
I can’t help but notice this NUR Audi driving past home. It could
be a different car maybe I’m being paranoid to even think it
could be Sabelo.
Zama: Zesi? (she claps. I snap out of my thoughts)
Me: Yah
Pretty: yin kangaka? Ucabangani?
I just tell them about this audi story and they both look towards
the direction in which it drove and back at me
Pretty: ai you’re worried about nothing. Many NUR cars that
have been driving past here lately. Izolo ntambama when you’d
just come from work bekwi BMW the other day we saw
Mercedes G-Class for the first time on our road and all those
vraa phaas that drive by amandiya lawa oe
Zama: tell me you’re thinking uSabelo
The way she looks at me tells me that she’s also beginning to
believe it could be him.
Me: I honestly think it’s him, but if Pretty thinks we’ve had a lot
of NURs drive by here then maybe I could be wrong (I’m not
convinced. I hope they are)
Zama looks at the direction the audi drove and back at me and
has “worry” written all over her face. She obviously isn’t
convinced by all I just said.
Zama: icecream?
Me: yeah Vanilla with lots of ultramel please
Don’t judge me. I live for ultramel. She gets up and dishes
icecream for us then comes back
Her: what are we doing tomorrow? It’s Saturday
Me: this weekend I’m broke I’ll only go out nextweek or the one
after
Her: who said we want your intern cents?
Pretty laughs her ass off. I look at her shooketh. She’s the one
who always talks about saving and working for your money and
now she’s willing to just do the things. Zama has money for
days. She may not be filthy rich but she affords her lifestyle and
drives an A3. Lives with her 3 year old son, my nephew. She
comes home so often sometimes we wonder why she bought that

43
house eWestville. Before “independence” she used to take us out
often, after we got independent she stopped saying we need to
learn the value of money.
Me: awuu
Her: yeah I know I know. Sizoyophuza ama cocktails kuFlorida
and call a drive buddy home cause I plan on getting wasted
Me: I don’t feel like drinking yall
Pretty: I don’t feel like Florida all together. Can we do something
simple nje like dinner at a quiet place
Zama: aibow imali yam phela ngyanikhipha seninama rules
Me: I’m still not drinking
Zama: how about we go to Panorama southern Sun. they have a
peaceful vibe. Ill get my drinks and music, pretty will get her
dinner in a semi peaceful environment wena Zesi uzothola your
famous Margaritas
Me: now you’re talking (I’m literally grinning)
Pretty: ei wena sewyisdakwa you’re just hiding it, ever since
Lwandlile Zesizwe you drink like a fish. We knows you. (she’s
right. I’ve been drinking. At first I drank to numb the pain then I
just never really stopped.)
Zama: tomorrow we bring that heartbroken sdakwa to life (she’s
screaming)
Me: mcim. Goodnightini
We rapped up and went to bed. It was already 12:35 and I
needed to rest.

The next day came. Talk about a lazy Saturday. We were

literally not here nor there. We had breakfast/lunch cause it was
already after 12 cleaned up and got to our individual activities. I
with my writing, Zama got to her forex and pretty was cooking
for when we leave we have daddy and the kids have food. Before
we knew it it was already 4. I was the first to shower cause im
really slow to getting ready. We finished getting ready around 6
and were slaying as always. The girls had their weaves, I let my
afro flourish. I didn’t trust myself enough to not have it fall
when Im drunk on margaritas worse my weaves have no hooks
or clips. Don’t be confused by “weaves” its just 2 and I didn’t buy
none of them. One was a gift from Zama, the other from
Nothemba my friend (@Lov’eli_hair or @Miss_Nothemba on
instagram to place your orders at affordable prices). She sells

44
them. So anyways, I stuck to my afro. I didn’t even wanna do
make up but the girls wouldn’t have it and so I ended up doing it.
We left. We picked Nondu on the way noThabsile and Pretty
friend Busiswa and headed straight to Southern Sun.
Zama: boGhel syonyisa, sijaive sizijabulise
Nondu: awuu uaho entshweni. Aibow ziza ngaVosho nga 7
deadly sins
Zama: youre talking a language, I understand (we all break into
laughter)
Pretty friend is quiet. Strangely quiet but we hope shell loosen
up.
Me: guys please ningi gade. Im planning on letting my hair down
Thabsile: let it down where? Your afro wont even move (we
burst laughing because really my hair is literally the length of
my pinky finger. It doesn’t move even when winds blow)
We get to SS and go to panorama.we’re seated at the couched
tables and order starters and drinks. Ofcourse I’m margarita on
the rocks. I hate it slushed.
Our order comes through after a few minutes and I take the first
sip of my margarita
Me:perfection.
Zama: sdakwa (we laugh)
Nondu: vele wisona I’ve been telling her she needs to embrace
this dark side of hers
Pretty: oooh don’t worry she will. By the time this night is over
she would have fully accepted it. This night she goes down in hi-
s-tory
We all laugh. We continue with girl talk and as expected, Zama
takes the liberty in briefing Busiswa about Sabelo to which
Nondu replies first
Nondu: yeey don’t even talk about that, I literally feel my blood
pressure shooting for the roof (she removes her coat)
Busi: sessi what exactly were you thinking?
Me: guys please don’t judge me. Destiny will allow us to meet
again if were meant to (to my defence)
Busi: please don’t tell us about no destiny there’s no such. Kade
ngakbona uyabhayiza
Thabi: aibow yekani uZesizwe bakithi. Where is she supposed to
dig up this Sabelo guy

45
I knew she’d come to my rescue. She always does. I order
another margarita and it comes through in literally 5 minutes. I
went in on that one
Me: manje sesolala svuke ngoSabelo? Ai aningiyeke. Yimi
obhayizile. Not nina (this topic was rather annoying now.)
I got up and went to the loo. Cons of me drinking, I pee every 5
minutes even if it was just 1 cocktail. I got back to our tables
Zama was already on the dance floor with Pretty and Nondu. I
sit down, order another margarita and water. For every cocktail
I do a glass of water. See I can’t afford a hangover tomorrow not
when I have soo much writing to do. I stand to dance to Kaybee-
Club Controller but see im smart, I don’t leave our table. I dance
right by my chair incase I loose balance or just need to sit down.
I’m busy dancing and the girls come back and we make our own
dance floor by our table and I order another margarita. I’m
already tipsy but I tell myself I’ll have 2 more then stop and
detox. We’re dancing our hearts out and having fun nje bakithi
when I feel a heavy presence. More like eyes on me. I look up
and it’s him. SABELO. Lord he’s here. What coincidence is this?
Or is it stalking still? Zama sees my face go pale and all alcohol
exit my system and takes my hand and pulls me to the
bathroom. Nondu smells gossip and so she follows. Zama has me
in the bathrooms
Zama: yini? Wandwaza nje?
Ndu: nam ngyambona. What’s happening?
Zama: I don’t know, it’s what I’m trying to find out. She just
froze to her seat
Nondu: yeey talk we wanna go dance and get drunk boh you’re
holding us up (she’s getting impatient and tapping her foot)
Me: he’s here
Nondu: who? (her eyes pops and she’s excited)
Zama:Sabelo?
I nod
Nondu gets over excited and starts pacing, Zama is smiling and
talking about the destiny I’ve been preaching about.
Nondu: this is your second chance
Zama: where is he seated? Is he amongst those guys that just
walked in now now
Me: he’s the tall dark one with jet black hair.
Zama: heeeeeeeeeeeh lo handsome

46
Me: I did say he was handsome when I first told yall about him
Nondu: aibow phela I wanna see him let’s go
Me: I’m not ready
Nondu: vele you’ll never be if you think you’ll just stand here
this is a second chance God is giving you please don’t mess it up.
Take this one for the team please-oo (she talks in her infamous
Nigerian accent)
we laugh
zama fixes my face
Zama: lets go. Just be yourself. If it doesn’t work out it’s fine you
have nothing to loose
Me: asambeni guys. If we don’t leave now I’ll never leave this
bathroom
we walk out with me right behind them. We get to the table and
when I felt Sabelo eyes fixed right on me I nearly miss a step. He
smiles and I look away and we order another round of drinks. 5
minutes back and the entire table already knows who Sabelo is
because Zama and Nondu HAVE TAKEN THE INITIATIVE.
Busi: are you sure it’s him? Phela that guy is all sorts of yummy
I did say she was stangely quiet. She’s not my favourite person
and I hope now it’s getting clear why
Thabi: what’s that supposed to mean?ngoba uZessy can’t attract
his kind of yummy?
Nondu: ai akake astshele kahle (she moves to the tip of her seat)
They’re both getting annoyed. Pretty leaves for the bathroom.
She knows what might happen now
“don’t you wanna go to the ladies to pee and freshen up?” Thabi
says to Busi. She gets up and follows Pretty
Zama: she won’t manage us. She better not start CAUSE
HEAVENS KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN TO THIS PANORAMA
Nondu: yeey akangazi mina ngwaseHluhluwe. Ngzomvithiza
Me:Ladies please. Were here to have fun. Please no drama
Thabi: angithi shes the one causing drama. What kind of
question is this she’s asking?
Me: I heard. Please pay no mind. It’s ohk,
Zama: guys she wont spoil our night this is too petty. Let’s dance
She pulls me and at first I refuse and Thabi pulls my other hand
and we get up and dance. I’m tipsy hard vele nje manje. I do
makarina dance to a house song and it looks cute bakithi cause
the girls join me and soon a few other people join us. Sabelo is

47
looking at me with a rather straight face, but I don’t care. This
excites the girls so I turn away from him cause I can’t help all
this blushing I’m experiencing.
Some guy comes to our area and tries to dance with us but my
warriors handle it like pros. It’s already going for 23h30 and
Sabelo hasn’t even attempted talking to me. For some reason
this bothers me. Hard.
Another bunch of guys pulls through to our table. They’re hard
headed because Nondu told them we don’t need them there but
instead they just sat down on our chairs cause we were still
standing, we were dancing. I leave for the ladies and return still
these guys are there.
Zama: call the waiter please
Pretty: I don’t see the need. We can deal with these fuckers self
Me: guys I’m not trying to cause a scene or drama here but we
need yall to please excuse us
One stands up and and comes close to me and stares at me
Him: we just want to chill with yall. We’re also not trying to be
dramatic
Nondu: we don’t wanna chill with y’all hence were asking yall to
leave
Other guy: let’s leave these bitches. We’ll find better girls
Other one: gents lets go
I step back. I look to my left, Sabelo is already at the edge of his
seat. In my head I’m thinking why hasn’t he come. These guys
leave and Sabelo eases back to his seat. Has his drink and finger
snacks. I was kinda happy he was ready for our rescue but now I
wish these guys did something just to have him jump to us so we
can perhaps talk a second. Aaah well.
I check the time its just after 12 and I realize that it’s safe to say
I’m drunk. Sabelo has been drinking juice and water all night.
Strange. Wait, why am I noticing this? Hows it any of my
business? I drink water to detox while the girls are having the
time of their lives dancing. I won’t stomach 1 more margarita. I
get up and go to the balcony for some air. I was feeling hot. I
take my glass of water with me. As I’m standing there, a full
figure stands right next to me. I look up, its him. Heeh I nearly
shit myself I swear. Kwadamba utshwala. I stared at the dark
sea and he talks
Him: Nkosazana

48
His voice is deep. It’s like he’s pulling it from the very pits of his
stomach, it’s intimidatingly deep. I just look at him then look
back at the black sea
he smiles and sips his juice. One hand in his pocket. The fucker
smells soo good. I feel his eyes pierce right through my skin but
I will not turn
him: how have you been?
Me: I’ve been well thanks (I don’t even turn to look at him)
Him: hhau aren’t you gonna ask about me?
Me: not really. Unless you’d like me to ask
Him: I want you to ask cause you really have an interest in
knowing not because I asked you to cause I’ll probably speak
and you won’t even be listening
Me: (I semi laugh) you have a point there. I need to go back
inside before the girls get worried. I’m glad you’re well.
Him: I’m not well, I just look as though I am
Me: well, I’m sorry to hear that but I’m glad you look well. I need
to go back.
Before I turn around, Nondu pulls through
Her: ndoda you ohk?
Me: yeah I’m alright. I was just about to come back in
Thabile walks out
Thabi: is everything ohk?
Me: yes all is well, I’m coming back in
Thabi: you don’t have to, we’re not here to fetch you we wanted
to know you’re ohk that’s all
Me: I know gogo but I was still heading back in. ooh how rude,
ladies meet… (I pretend to have forgotten his name. luckily the
girls play along)
Him: Sabelo. I’m Sabelo.
Me: yes Sabelo. And Sabelo meet my friends and colleagues
Thabsile and Nondu.
Ndu is alreading smiling like an idiot.
Thabi: pleasure meeting you Sabelo.
Him: the pleasure is all mine
Me: ladies let’s go
Ndu: weren’t you talking to Sabelo?
Me: I WAS.past tense
Thabi: Sabelo were y’all done?
Him: maybe she was done

49
Thabi: were you not?
I look at him and he smiles
Him: no
Thabi: then she stays till y’all done. We weren’t here to snatch
her from you. We wanted to know if we’d be killing you for
bothering her kphela
Me: aibo guys
Ndu:Sizwe be nice. (she gives me a straight face then they turn
and leave)
Me: sorry about that. Excuse my friends
Him: I’m not. They’re actually really funny (he’s smiling like an
idiot)SIZWE?
Me: it’s Zesizwe. They sometimes call me Sizwe to shorten it.
Him: I like it. It’s different. So, Sizwe, why do you hate me soo
much? (the idiot asks such a question but is smiling)
Me: why would I hate you Sabelo?
Him: there’s something about the way you say my name ,
though you forgot it(he lights up)
The whole time time his eyes are fixed on me. We’ve had people
walk past us and even stand next to us but his eyes haven’t
moved. It’s like I’m the only thing he sees. Some guy walks out
and stands on my side. Sabelo sees that he’s pretty close and
swiftly pulls me to his side and he stands on my side so now it’s
this guy, Sabelo then me. This idiot is protective. I think to
myself “this might just be nice”. I don’t think there’s anything in
the relationship world that feels better than the guy you like or
love be healthily protective of you. HEALTHILY I say. The
fucker lights a cigeratte next to him and before I could say a
word
Sabelo: that’s it. Lets go back inside. Cigeratte smoke isn’t good
for you.
I look at him with my eyes popped out he’s not even bothered by
what he just said. I guess it’s normal to him. Besides he’s right
and mina my sinus’ will react so nje he has a clean point
Him: come lets go.
He takes my hands and leads me inside. He takes me to the girls
and Pretty notices us first and I figure her eyes are popped out
because she sees us walk in hand in hand. She taps Zama who
was next to her and they all turn and look at us. The looks on

50
their faces is priceless. I wish I could capture it istrue. We reach
the girls
Sabelo: Sanbona makhosazane
Nondu pops her eyes. One more stretch I swear they would have
fallen off their sockets. I’m guessing she’s connected this
“makhosazane” to the note on the flowers. Finally she can
believe me. Only Busi responds. I’m guessing that’s because
she’s the only one who didn’t see the note.
Sabelo: sengimubuyisile, I wanted to bring her back to y’all
personally
Zama: she’s a big girl she’d have found her way (they all laugh)
Him: I just wanted to make sure she was safe (he smiles.)
I notice he has a dimple on the left cheek. I hadn’t seen it
Thabi: you mean you were scared someone might have snatched
her fine ass on the way back
They all burst into laughter. Him too. I’m just smiling and
looking at him. He’s really beautiful with he’s clean shaved face
and fine skin. White straight and beautiful teeth. A little crooked
at the bottom but still beautiful and clean.
Him: akekho ozomthatha. Kade ngimbheka akekho ozomthatha
(he squeezes my hand and looks at me and his lips curve to a
smile.)
His eyes look like they’re looking beyond my eyes or my face. I
don’t know how to explain it. It’s like he’s been literally lifting
rocks and steels to find me.
Busi: umbheka ukuthi unani? Yena bekbheka?
Nondu shoots her a dead stare while Zama and Thabi stare at
Sabelo. I’m guessing they want the answer
Sabelo: when I saw her last weekend I knew she’s been waiting
for me. Angihambe lest I sound too cheesy
Me: you should go. I second that.
Busi: ai bengbuza nje, don’t let me be the reason you leave if you
were planning to stay
Sabelo: I wasn’t. bengbuyise uSizwe (he looks at me and smiles
as he says Sizwe)
Aibow lomfana onuka kamnandi kanje uthunywe ubani Jereva.
Aibow Nkosi yam this can’t be happening. See not that I’m not
over Lwandile I am, but what bothers me is that he started out
just as sweet and this bothers me. But there’s something about
Sabelo that Lwandile never had. He has a sense of “safety” that

51
comes with him. A sense of “you’re home”, he smells like love. I
can’t explain it.
When I check the time it’s nearly 2:30. I’m ready to go home.
Me: I wanna go home y’all
Pretty and Ndu: me too
Thabi: I want one more drink then we can go wherever you like
Busi: but I’m not ready I still wanna dance. Maybe you guys can
leave me here I’ll take an uber or get a lift koSabelo vele I stay
here in town
Sabelo: I leave here as soon as Sizwe leaves. She’s the reason I’m
still here.
I look up at him and I’m just sold but because of past bullshit I’m
not sold.
Pretty: Busi ubazelaphi oSabelo sewthatha uLift kubona nje?
(she’s getting annoyed)
Nondu: nami ngisazibuza same thing nje. Thabi will have her
last drink while you dance then we all leave and go home. All
roads lead to Chatsworth but I get the feeling we’re gonna leave
you la eTown ngoba ngathi uyeyisa. If you still wanna dance by
the time Thab’sile is done with her drink then you gonna have to
uber yourself to your flat ke sisi (she’s mad. I see it)
Busi: hhau guys, y’all will wait for Thabi to get her drink but
won’t wait for me to dance a little?
Sabelo: ladies I should go. It’s a pleasure meeting y’all (He looks
at me) please let me know before you leave.
Me: ohk I will.
With that I turn to walk away, to the bathrooms. Sabelo pulls my
hand as I try to walk
Sabelo: where are you off too with your tipsy self?
Me: I’m going to the ladies. I need to pee once more before I
leave
Him: I’m coming with you let’s go (he takes my hand and gets
ready to walk)
Me: theres no need. Ill be fi..
Before I even finish my sentence, he’s swiftly pulling me by
hand to the ladies. This guy already thinks he’s the boss of me
neh. How dare he just takes over nje.
I go in and he waits for me just outside the ladies. When I come
out I have my heels in my hands. He looks at me like he is
wondering and he smiles

52
Him: and then?
Me: aarg burst (I roll my eyes)
I sit at the stairs thinking of how I’ll walk out of here barefooted.
Him: what are you thinking? (he sits down next to me)
Me: imagine all this cuteness. No actually all this beauty walking
out of here barefooted
Him: you can wear my shoes (he reaches to take them off. Im
just looking at these size 11 shoes, they wouldn’t make sense on
my feet even if I wanted to wear them)
Me: don’t be silly (I laugh) I’d rather I walk out of here
barefooted. I’m not scared of none of these people don’t worry
He smiles
Him: I’m glad you’re unbothered by them.
As he’s talking I remember the flat sandals Pretty packed in her
handbag incase one of us got tired of heels
Me: hhau, please go to my sisters and ask them for the sandals
Pretty packed in her handbag (I’m excited my face softens
cause of such relief)
Him: ohk ngyabuya.
He gets up and goes. Comes back a minute later with my brown
Ralph Lauren sandals. I’m glad they’re Laurens because atleast
he won’t think my shoe burst because it was cheap if I can afford
a Ralph Lauren sandal. Except I didn’t buy it. Lihle did. But he
doesn’t have to know that.
He helped me put them on then helped me up. “Wait, why does it
feel like I’m getting drunker” I say that out loud without even
realizing. He looks at me and smiles. Showing off his perfect
teeth and dimple. That was actually a semi laugh
Him: alcohol does that. It sometimes kicks in long later. You
should have water and go home. When you get there, go straight
to bed. Speaking of home, how are you guys gonna get there?
Me: car
Him: who’s driving?
Me: eya Zama
Him: I didn’t ask who’s it was, I asked who’s driving
I laughed because the look on his face was awesomely crazy. I
absolutely wished I could capture it. Surely he doesn’t think
we’re that irresponsible. Aaaich
Me: we’re gonna call a drive buddy to take us home. You know
what a drive buddy is right?

53
Him: no actually I don’t
Me: a drive buddy is a sober driver who drives you home in your
own car and drops you off and makes sure you make it home
safe. Then he has another one of his company cars pick him up
and you pay.
Him: aibo Zesizwe (his eyes pop). You have a random stranger
nje drive you home?
Me: didn’t you order me an uber not so long ago? Wasn’t it a
stranger driving?
Him: ai that’s different I could track your whereabouts and you
weren’t drunk. I can’t trust a drive buddy with you uphuzile.
Your friends drunk too. You’re gonna have 2 strangers know
where you live? What if they come back or send people to hurt
you someday? Ai.
Me: manje kwenzeke njani cause nami I don’t trust you to take
us home
Him: I expected that and I understand. But I’d rather you guys
sleep la eMaharani than drive drunk or get a drive buddy home
drunk.
He’s dead serious. Like he’s commanding me of this while at the
same time his eyes are pleading with me
Me: no can do. We don’t have our jammies nor do we have tooth
brushes and stuff
Him: that’s no excuse. I’d rather you be alive with your teeth not
brushed then dead with perfectly clean teeth. I’ll find a place
where I can buy toothbrushes but the hotel can provide those. If
they don’t then Petrol station or Pakistan shops la. You’re not
driving home drunk and you’re not getting a drive buddy home
drunk.
With that he walks with me back to the girls
Pretty: finally, we’ve been waiting for you
Me: sorry guys.
Pretty: you ready to go?
Sabelo: excuse me ladies
He walks off
Me:Sabelo refuses we drive home drunk or get a drive buddy
home drunk. He says he doesn’t trust anybody with us drunk
Pretty: he doesn’t trust anybody with you. He doesn’t care about
us (we all laugh)

54
Busi: don’t be too sure about somethimg y’all don’t know. So
what does he propose we do?
Me: he says he’ll book us a room or rooms in the hotel la then we
can crash for the night then he’ll go buy us toothbrushes at the
gasstation should we not have them provided by the hotel.
Veleke fresh towels are at the hotels expense.
Nondu no Zama are already planning their lives. They’re excited
AF
Zama: where has he been hiding this whole time? Yeey
Jehovah! Yeey I can just imagine. He doesn’t wanna have you
driven home by a stranger drunk. Yeey this is life.
Pretty: so we’re staying over here?
Me: that’s if yall don’t mind
Thabi and Ndu: we don’t.
Busi: I think I do because I hadn’t planned for this I don’t have
my toiletries
Nondu: none of us planned but we’ll sleep in undies and bathe
with hotel towels and he will bring us toothbrushes
Busi: can’t one of them take me to my flat. It’s 5 minutes away
Thabi: I suggest you take an uber or call someone to come pick
you up cause none of those guys are taking you anywhere.
Zesizwe?
Busi: but he doesn’t want us drunk and driven by strangers
home
Pretty: no. he doesn’t want uZesizwe being driven by a stranger
home. You can go ngoUBER or TAXIFY it won’t bother him. The
reason we’re getting rooms booked is because his concern which
is Zesi is with us. Otherwise he’d probably book a room just for
her and have us all walk home. Besides they’re strangers to you
and if one of them takes you home you’d still be driven by a
stranger. Now are you staying or are you leaving?
Busi: yeah sure I’ll stay.

I don’t understand uBusiswa. She’s never really liked me.

Confusing part is that she’s never taken a moment to get to
know me. First time we met all she had to say was that I’m spoilt
and know nothing about life and struggles of life. I ended the
conversation right there because the pain I’ve been through will
not be downplayed just because it doesn’t compare to yours. The

55
worst I’ve bared is probably the worst I could take so such can’t
be compared.
Sabelo came back and gave us 4 cards to the penthouse suite.
See I didn’t even know they were for that until we got there. It
was heaven on earth. HEAVEN!

We were escorted to the suite and he also came up with us. He

said he wanted to make sure we were ohk. That I was ohk. We
got there and the girls went in and I stayed out to say my
goodnight. As we were standing out there I could hear the girls
laughing at the top of their voices.
Him: the ladies are really funny (we could hear their
conversation.)
Me: yeah they are. They’re really funny you haven’t seen half of
it
Him: I’m hoping to see the rest of it soon. Maybe tomorrow
during breakfast
Me: huh?
Him: Please, you and the ladies join us for breakfast ksasa
Me: I honestly think we’ll sleep the whole morning and by the
time we get up we’ll be in a rush to check out. Plus we have no
clothes
Him: aaaaaah bummer. We could go shopping
Me: that would be too much. You’ve done enough already. We’re
not charity cases
Him: no no I know you’re not. I’m sorry if it came out that way
Me: that’s ohk. You’re driving?
Him: nah we booked some rooms just down stairs. Lazy to drive.
Me: ohk cool. Goodnight then.
Him: goodmorning Sizwe. I’ll see you tomorrow.
He smiles and kisses my cheek. Opens the door for me and as I
get in he talks again
Him: tell the ladies I say goodnight. I’ll see them at breakfast or
lunch.
Ndu rushes to the door
Her: say what? We’re doing breakfast ksasa?
Me: no we have no clothes. But we can do lunch
Her: we can buy clothes nje Zesizwe
Me: no we have enough clothes at home. Goodnight Sabelo
Ndu goes back inside.

56
Sabelo: Goodnight MaMntungwa. We have a future together
Me: you’re only seeing me the second time
Him: I knew it the moment I saw you eating at the Village Table.
I hadn’t even spoken to you then so imagine seeing you for the
second time when I knew at first sight. Since Monday is a
holiday, I booked this place the entire weekend. Y’all check out
Tuesday by 12. But if y’all don’t feel like it just go to reception
and tell them how much longer y’all staying it doesn’t matter
they have a hold on my card I told them to make it flexible.
Incase you guys feel like getting up to something else.
Me: thank you. We’ll leave tomorrow morning. (Zama appears
behind me at the door)
Zama: sorry I just heard that and rushed for the door. Syabonga
Sabelo. Sizohamba Monday ntambama. Udakiwe lo. She won’t
let you spoil her nje just because you can. Nhliziyo iqinile.
She runs back in and leaves Sabelo chuckling and I’m just there
dumb struck. He laughs more then he collects himself
Him: izothamba MaKhumalo inhliziyo yakho. Sizoythambisa ize
ivume. Izothamba MaMntungwa. (he smiles and touches my
cheek. He sounds soo genuine I believe him) ngena uvale khona
ngzohamba. (he smiles)
I say my goodnights and close the door. I peep through the
peephole and he’s still standing there smiling. More like
blushing and shaking his head too with a smile on his face. I
blush myself and when I turned, the girls are there all excited
and smiley waiting for me. Yes I know, we’re gonna talk about
Sabelo the whole night.

Chapter four

57
The next morning we all got up and decided to get a few things
and not go back home for clothes. The suite was booked for the
whole weekend so we may aswel maximize it’s use. Nduh,
Thabsile and Busi got clothes and toiletries at their flats since
they lived in town. Pretty, Zama and I got 2 dresses each, I got
shorts and a vest with flip flops, undies and a pair of jammies.
We were literally just winging it. While shopping we went for
breakfast at Musgrave centre kaMug n Bean and just had a
catch up session.
Pretty: last night was fun shame. I remember little things about
it
Thabi: it was lit shem. How much did we even spend? I don’t
remember jack ke mina
Zama: a couple of thousands. Not much just enough to get by
Pretty: who paid? When did y’all even pay? I feel like I didn’t see
that. Aibow besidle obunjani izolo?
Me: ai speak for yourself. I remember everything
Busi: you have to remember everything, phela bewBusy no
Sabelo there’s no way you wouldn’t have sobered up ujola
Ndu: yeey ukhona bo noSabelo. Aibow ghel he’s goals
Me:you don’t even know him and he’s already goals
Busi: ooh he is. One kiss from him and my life would be made
I don’t know, for some reason that annoyed me. The thought of
Sabelo being kissed by her, or any woman for that matter made
my tummy turn upside down.
Pretty: konje unjalo. Keep your hands and even attention away
from him. In this circle we’re not about the life yokudlana
iythende
Busi: it’s not like your sister wants the guy, she doesn’t
Ndu: and you know this because you’re in her head? Excuse me
but why is she still her? (she looks at Pretty. Ndu has no time to
sugarcoat things and right now her BP levels are on steroids
Me: excuse me. (I pull back my chair and head for the ladies. I
need a breaher because even I don’t know why she’s still here,
she’s been annoying us since last night.
I head back to the girls and continue with breakfast and we
continue talking over simple things, then something ticks of
within me
Me: Busi? (everybody stops eating and looks at her, then at me)
Her: yah

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Me: would you like us to drop you off at your flat on our way
back? (Nondu nods and the rest of the ladies are shook. I think
they didn’t expect this but neither did I and I don’t care)
Her: no. the girls say we’re heading to the beach for a chillas and
movies later aswel as dinner and I wouldn’t wanna miss that.
Am I no lnger welcome?
I was about to answer that when Zama spoke
Zama: Zesi please walk me to the ladies
Me: I just come from there
Her: I know, please (her eyes are pleading with me
I get up and she walks with me. The moment we get to the loo
she talks
Her: Zesi we’re all annoyed with her but we have to respect that
she’s prettys friend, we can’t really just chase her
Me: I don’t see why not. She’s been fishy since she’s stepped in
the car izolo and I’m not about that life
Zama: but we can’t just dismiss her
Me: give me one good reason except the one you’ve just given
which I don’t really care about
Her: Zesi the best thing to do is kill her with kindness, let her
see Sabelo and squirm when she realizes it’s just you he wants.
Let her suffer seeing you flourish
Me: what satisfaction do I get from that? My kindness doesn’t
extend that far. She’s messing with my positive energy and you
know I’m not a bitter person. So she leaves and we keep positive
energy with people who are genuinely here for fun and not to
pull us down. Please guys don’t stress my life
Her: please bare with her. Slay with Sabelo and don’t mind her.
Please (I see what she means it’s just that I already know Busi
doesn’t like me and so I don’t see why I should have to pretend
the rest of the day. But I’ll try and play nice for my sister and
just to not be rude.
Me: fine
She hugs me and we walk out “you’re doing well” she says with a
smile as we walk back. We eat and Zama settles the bill. We head
back to the hotel to change.

I wear my shorts and the vest with flops and the girls do their
dresses in all lengths and just before we left the hotel there was

59
a knock at the door and I guess we already knew who it was
cause all the girls looked at me

Thabi: Zesi we already know uSabelo so you gotta get that.

I didn’t argue and I guess that’s why they were all soo excited
and went to stand behind the door. I opened the door and the
moment he saw me his face softened soo much it made me smile.
He looked soo relieved to see me
Him: Zesizwe, I came here earlier and didn’t find you, I thought
you’d left without saying goodbye (he looked soo concerned,
even talked in a soft tone. Nothing like last night)
Me: awu ncese, we had to go out to get some clothes and ended
up having breakfast, it wasn’t planned (I try to put him at some
ease)
Him: that’s fine I’m just happy to see you again, I was loosing my
mind
Me: I’m sorry. It won’t happen again
He looks at me surprised, then a second later he smiles and I get
to see his mini dimple.
Him: you guys going somewhere? I’d like to take you to lunch.
Please
Me: aaich the girls and I had planned to go to the beach hence, (I
look down at my shorts) the shorts
Ndu: she’ll be ready for you at 14:30
Him: thanks Ndu. Zesi I’ll pick you up at 14h30
Ndu: is there a specific dress code for this lunch? (she looks at
me and back at Sabelo)
Him: no, even what she’s wearing right now is fine
Ndu: ok she’ll be ready. Now go so we make sure she’s ready in
time
Him:Zesizwe I’ll see you soon.
He walks away with a smile stuck on his face. I’m standing there
in disbelief, the girls are looking at me as though I’m the
dumbest person alive
Thabi: were you really about to turn him down?
She rolls her eyes and looks rather annoyed. See, Thabsile is
always in my defence and so when something I do annoys her I
pay attention
Me: guys were we not supposed to go to the beach?

60
Ndu: we were, but we always go, we can still always go but
you’ve never been out with him
Me: but guys w..
Ndu: we nothing. Stop behaving like an idiot and just go out with
this guy and have some fun and if it doesn’t work out then you’ll
get over it and move on as you always do. What do you have to
loose? Mfana wabantu keeps doing the run around just because
you got hurt by Lwandile over 6 months ago and so nobody else
gets your time of day? Nobody is good enough? Everybody else
must be treated like trash just because they’re not him? Ai grow
up maan and stop behaving like an asshole. This guy doesn’t like
you, he fucking loves you. Izolo I saw this with my own eyes and
so did everybody else. He fucking booked a suite at this hotel
just so you don’t have to drive home drunk or be driven home
drunk by a stranger, the look in his eyes when you opened the
door was priceless, it cant be bought, you can’t act that. He said
he’s been looking for you and actually looked like he’s been
searching high and low. Ai Zesizwe we’ve all been hurt before
but we always get over it. Let this poor guy take you out and
treat you. All you gotta do is be present and stop letting
Lwandile be the reason for your meanness to other guys though
you always say you’re over him. Hhau ai suka safa uwena
Zama: I won’t even say anything about this matter. I’m glad it
came from you Ndu and not me
I sat there looking at them and I was speechless. I had no words
honestly. I just sat there and stared at them. All that Ndu said
hit home. Thing is it’s not Lwandile, I just don’t know how to act
or behave around Sabelo not that I’m making him squirm
because of Lwandile
Thabi: hambogeza gogo I’ll iron your dress for you. Sabelo will be
here in 35 minutes and you know he won’t be late
Like a zombie I get up and head to the bathrooms and take a
shower. I was out in 10 minutes because I knew if I stayed a
second longer the girls would have had yet another field day on
me. I wasn’t ready for that. I got out and wore a peach 3 quarter
body hugging dress (it hugged me in all the right places) with
brown 3 or 4 inch sandals and Ndus brown handbag. i did my
eyebrows, eyeliner and mascara with a nude lipstick. I was
simple but very pretty. They do say that simplicity is the
ultimate sophistication. Just when I put my lipstick down he

61
knocked and Zama opened and invited him in. he waited at the
lounge area while Zama came to get me
Zama: he’s here
Ndu: I’m thinking I stand at the corner so we can take pictures
of him when he sees you walk through. I need you to see how he
looks at you.
We laugh soo hard it’s ridiculous. She takes her phone, puts it on
silence and walks out. Zama walks ahead of me and I turn at the
door cause I remembered I forgot my fragrance. I applied some
and walked out. The moment I reached the lounge the girls
started their silly cheering and Sabelo stood up to meet me. He
hugs me and he also smells soo good. Soo darn good. He’s
wearing jeans, a crisp white shirt and brown semi formal shoes.
Him: you look soo beautiful MaKhumalo
There he says MaKhumalo. I’m outchea melting now. Mcim this
idiot
Me: you smell good (I smile)
Him: you really think so?
Me: yeah I do
Him: well in that case I’m never changing it (he’s looking down
at me with a soft smile on his face. Soo precious) shall we?
Me: sure shall
We walked towards the door with Zama behind us.
Her: put my number on speed dial
We laugh and Sabelo smiles
Him: no need. I’d never do anything to hurt her (he looks down
at me and takes my hand.
Me: enjoy the beach ladies
We walk at my pace. I wanna take my hand off his, I mean I
barely know this guy but after Nondus speech earlier, I’m not
sure that’s such a good idea. So I just let him take my hand and I
walk with him just like that. We get to the parking lot. It’s this
charcoal grey audi. My eyes popped out. I look at the car and
then at him. He looks at me and gets the door. I don’t go in I just
look at him. He looks embarrassed. I’m struggling to figure
whether or not he’s figured that I know now that he’s the one
that’s been following me all week.
I wanna go in his car and enjoy my day with him cause I’ve
already established that we gel, but at the same time I’m kinda
scared. What if he’s obsessed and crazy. Who follows a stranger

62
all week? What if he’s planning to kill me? How did he even find
me?
In blind faith I step in the car. He goes around too and gets in. I
buckle up and so does he.
Him: are you ohk? You look tense
Me: I’m alright. I was thinking of going back to get a coat, I’m
worried about this weather (I know, I lied)
Him: oh no, don’t worry about that, I’ve got a coat in the car
incase you get cold
Me: (I laugh) that coat would go all the way down to my knees.
You’re a giant compared to me
He semi laughs and looks at me shaking his head
Him: so you mean I’m King Kong
Me: I didn’t say it, you did (we both laugh and then he stops and
looks at me laughing
Him: God, you’re soo perfect
He says that with such sincerity I actually believe him. He
sounds believable and I believe him
Me: stop it (I’m blushing)
He’s playing Letta Mbulu in his car and sometimes I find myself
humming to his songs. Yes that’s the kind of music I listen to.
Caiphus Semenya, Letta Mbuli, late Hugh Masikela, Miriam
Makeba, Judith Sephuma, Shabalala Rhythm. You get where I’m
going with this.
Him: you know you can just sing along and stop surpressing
your voice la (he’s smiling like an idiot)
Me: trust me you don’t want none of that in your car. You’d
literally pull over on this freeway and throw me out your car
We both laugh soo hard. He’s crazy. I didn’t think I’d enjoy his
company this much. Right now I wanna call Ndu and thank her
for giving me a piece of her mind. But I won’t cause right now
I’m in this moment and I’ll enjoy it
Him: I’ve already made up my mind about you Sizwe. Nothing
you do will keep me away or make me change my mind about
you. So whether you sing now or 5 months later when you feel
like you know me enough, it makes no difference to me. Whether
you fart now or in one year it will still make no difference to me
cause my mind won’t be made up in 5 or 6 months, my mind was
made up at the Village Table.

63
He’s serious. I don’t know what to do with him now, I’m used to
him laughing, this I don’t know. Just as I’m thinking that Lettas
Not Yet Uhuru comes on. Lord knows it’s one of my favourite
tracks in this album and so I put up the volume and start
singing. The whole time he was driving and was pretty serious. I
sometimes caught him looking at me and smiling or looking
ahead and smiling but I pretended not to notice cause had I
shown him I can see, I’d have had to address that and be all
blushy then it gets all awkward.
It’s funny how comfortable I was around him. He felt like home,
like I’d known him a long time. Like I belonged. He was that
atmosphere and soo much more. We reached some beautiful
restaurant a little past Ballito, with an ocean view. It was quiet
and homey. It was beautiful. He came around and opened my
door. Lord knows I could get used to this. I step out
Him: give me your hand (as he stretches his and reaches for
mine. I don’t argue)
Him: you’re gonna have to get used to this. It’s ohk you don’t
gotta rush but in time it will come naturally
Me: I see
Him: ooh and she doesn’t argue (he laughs to himself)
Me: nigga please (I let out a soft laugh)
He pulls my chair and he sits aswel. This place has no more than
20 people. It’s quiet. A waitress comes to us and gives us the
menus, she looks at us like she knows him, like she’s also a little
nervous with him. I notice this and act like I’m paying no mind
but later on I will ask about this for now I’ll just park it at the
back of my head. Timing. I’m not his girlfriend, I’m just a lady
he’s showing interest in. who knows how many more he’s
interested in?
I order a virgin coctail. I already knew what I wanted and I
wasn’t about to try things I don’t know on our first “date”. Later
on maybe yes but not now. He orders his drink
Me: this place is beautiful (I’m looking around)
Him: I’m glad you like it. (he’s smiling again)
Less than 5 minutes, our drinks are here. See it’s either they
have the best service in this place or he’s a regular customer
who takes priority ngeke. We then place our food orders and I
order a steak and mash with veggies and he places his order
Him: aren’t you on some diet?

64
Me: no. why would you think that?
Him: with that figure of yours, I thought you’d order salad I
swear to God
Me: hahahaa you thought wrong. I’m not high on salads unless
I’m not in the mood for heavy meal not cause of diet otherwise
this is the food I eat. Get used to it
He smiles like a little baby. Something is exciting him and I hope
he’ll tell me
Him: “get used to it” which means I’ll be seeing you again. (he’s
beaming) you have no idea how happy you’ve made me
Me: stop it (I smile). Now care to explain how you found me?
Him: I don’t follow (he’s acting confused. I know this because of
the naughty look he has on his face)
I decide to wipe the smile of his face. Some discomfort abit for
him. He can’t be here blushing and happy when I’m bothered by
him stalking me all week.
Me: the flowers
Him: what flowers? (he chokes on his food)
Me: come on you’re even choking (I laugh)
I call the waitress for water and she returns almost
immediately. I hand him the water and he drinks it with a smirk
on his face
Him: Zesizwe you must have a secret admirer. Has someone
been delivering you flowers?
Me: Friday I had a delivery at work. Flowers and chocolates
Him: haah, I better act fast before they snatch you from me
He’s acting smart I know. He thinks he’ll get away with this but
he won’t. See I won’t let him. I pull the serious face
Me: Sabelo angidlali nawe. How did you find me?
I’m serious now and he sees I’m not joking anymore and I’m
hoping that’s enough to get him to speak up. He clears his throat
then looks at me. He looks away and I don’t move and so he
starts talking
Him: Zesizwe ngyaxolisa
Silence
Him: please say something
Me: I can’t say anything when I don’t know what it is you’re
apologizing for

65
Him: I did something stupid. I was scared I might never see you
again after village table that I didn’t think straight I just acted
without thinking and I’m sorry
Silence again
Him: promise me that you won’t be mad at me and you won’t
judge me.
He looks at me with pleading eyes
Me: I won’t judge you, I never judge and I won’t be mad because
it messes with my peace. So the above I can promise you. What I
can’t promise you is that I won’t get up and leave and ask you
never to make contact with me again. That’s the worst case
scenario cause i never get mad or judgemental anymore
Him: what do you mean? (he’s panicking, I can just see his face
get a little tense)
Me: I mean just that. It will either be I accept what you’re saying
or I walk away.
He panics and looks like the whole world is about to crush on his
shoulders. Hie’s panicking, he’s tense and yeah, his forehead is
sweating. Yeses! Now I’m worried about what it is that he did.
The idiot.
Him; I guess I have no control over this neh
Me: no you have no control over my reaction. The only control
you have is over your own
Him: ohk. I’m sorry for everything
Me: will you just talk already. What’s the worst that could
happen?
Him: you could leave me
He’s worried to the pits of his stomach. But I can’t let this go. I
need to know. I can’t empathise with him otherwise I’ll loose
focus. Focus Zesizwe FOCUS
Me: just like I could leave you for refusing to tell me
Him: hm. Zesizwe. (he breathes out) ohk. When I called you an
uber I was tracking you from my phone. I had to make sure that
wherever you are you’re ohk or that it drops you in a public
area where you are safe. Then this guy was driving eMakethe
and stopped there for a while. I was hoping you have him take
you home so I could see where you live and try to find you from
there. When he stopped eMakethe for that long a while I knew it
it wasn’t traffic. I figured you instructed him to drop you off
there (he sips his water and breathes out loud). I called him to

66
check and he said you asked him to drop you at some Olympic
buses. I asked him to… to. (he wipes his forehead). I asked him
to… follow that bus until you got off of it. Then I’d have your
address. He said you took marrianhill via ndengezi so in my
head I thought uhlala koNdengezi, I didn’t think chatsworth.
When you got off he saw you enter your house and by that time I
was already on higginson highway. I asked him not to switch off
his meter cause I wanted to pay him and I’ll forever be indebted
to him cause had he refused I’d never have found you.
When I got to where he was he showed me where you got in and
I paid him for following you cause uber is linked to my card, that
was handled, then he left. I stayed there just staring at your
house till around 20h00. When the clock striked 8 I decided to
leave cause I figured you might not leave the house then
He exhales real loud then he looks at me as though he is waiting
for a response. Like he was waiting for me to stand up and walk
away. Honestly, I was amazed by the effort. I thought it was
very ambitious and sweet and just a balance of all things anyone
would want in a man. I wasn’t angry at him, I don’t see why he
was soo worried.
Me: and how did you find Shellhouse?
Him: SHELLHOUSE?
Me: work, where I work, how did you find me?
Him: (breathes) I was parked a few houses away from yours on
Monday morning. I got there at 5:30 just before lights to what I
believe is the kitchen switched on. At around 6h15 a taxi picked
you up and I followed it till you got off on Samora Machel street
and walked to work. I’ve been following your taxi everyday
since. On Wednesday I wanted to send you flowers then I
remembered it’s a big building where would I direct them too, so
I had my brother walk in with you and he got on the same lift as
you. He said you pressed 10 and when y’all got off he asked for
some random name and said you were very nice to him. He said
you asked your receptionist and the receptionist said she
doesn’t know that person which is when you went to the 12th
floor with him in attempt to help him but even then they
couldn’t help him. He says you’re the talk of the office and that
you’re loved and you’re loud at the office you walk in sewdansa
or making noise. He also said some guy named Sthe hugged you
and you carried on asking for this bogus person and were really

67
bummed you couldn’t help him. He said you even wanted to take
him to some Florence building to check but he said he knew it
and would go himself and so when he left shellhouse we went
back home. I knew you’re Zesizwe Khumalo who works at
Shellhouse 10th. So I ordered Flowers at netflourist for delivery.
Me: wooow! Asikho safe
I’m shook. To me this sounds like a joke, like a fairytale story.
But then I remember that guy who was looking for a Edward
and I tried helping him soo bad kanti it was all a set up. All this
effort though, all this effort just for me is humbling shame. It’s
everything. I’d marry this fucker, but again, he doesn’t need to
know that.
Him: now you are. Now you’re safe. But do you know what the
favourite part of my day was on Friday (he smiles so effortlessly
Me: what ( I ask with such an interest
Him: the look on your face when you walked out of the building
with a vase of lilies in your hand. You kept smelling them and
smiling like an idiot. Without a care in the world for the people
who were looking at you. Like I saw people look at you funny
and you carried on walking like you were the only person on the
road (he shakes his head and smiles to himself)
Me: vele I didn’t care what they think. Do you know how much I
love roses and lilies? Have you any idea how happy I was to
have had lilies delievered for me? I couldn’t give an ounce of
care to people watching I’m sorry shem
He smiles and we continue to eat
Him: you don’t suffer from”what would people say syndrome” I
see
Me; no I don’t. that would cripple me and interrupt my peace
Him: you love your peace too
Me: more than anything in this world and I protect it
njengeykhali zamaNtungwa
We laugh
Him: I honestly thought you’d leave me
Me: I will. I’m just waiting for the right time. I can’t attempt
leaving you here, what if you take me to some forrest and kill
me
We both laugh and I call the waitress to order desert.

68
I order dessert and he asks for orange juice. He says he’s not a
sugar person. I tried a new kind of dessert with a name I still
can’t pronounce and it honestly tasted horrible.
Me: what in the world is this (I’m frowning)
Him: it’s dessert you said (he’s chuckling)
Me: it tastes crappy (I remove its contents from my mouth with
a serviette and he bursts)
Him: that bad?
Me: it’s horrible. Wanna try it?
Him: haah you wanna kill me?
Me: oh you think it’s best I die alone neh (we both laugh) why
did you buy this one?
Me: it looked yummy I wanted to try it. (exhales) I’ll order
another one
Him: ohk. Wanna have something you know maybe?
Me: and where’s the fun in that? Something new will do
Him: and what if you don’t like it?
Me: then I’ll try another one. I have nothing to loose really. I
could try the whole dessert menu. New experiences. What do I
have to loose ngempela?
Him: I guess you have a point there. (he looks like his thinking
hard. The waiter comes through and takes my dessert and takes
my order)
Him: I think we’re gonna get along really well. I think I like the
way you think
Me: what you se?
Him: you’ll try a dessert you don’t know because you have
nothing to loose. Wow. That’s a new light in thinking.
Me: hahaha you’re being silly. But I like it (we both laugh)
My dessert comes and I like this one. It’s good. I eat and he has a
few bites of it
Him: so you find all this sugar nice
Me: please don’t try make me feel bad. Get thee behind me satan
(I laugh and again he looks at me like he’s adoring me.)
I ate the rest of it and finished. I was a happy child. We left and
he got the door for me.
I should mention this, Sabelo lets me walk in the lift first and get
out first, he holds my hand when we walk, he opens the car door
for me, he warns me to watch my step, he rises when I enter the
room, he rises when I excuse myself from the table, he buys me

69
flowers and he FUCKING SMELLS LIKE A DREAM. He’s covered
the basic important parts, except I don’t know him. His lifestyle,
his surroundings, his anger or temper so I can’t trust him much.
Him: what are you thinking? You’re quiet
Me: (I smile) sometimes I appreciate the comfort of stillness
Him: you sure you’re ohk?
Me: yeah I’m fine. I’m thinking of all this food I just ate. I’m
happy shem. Good food makes me happy
Him: so you’d come to this restaurant again?
Me: most def, I’ll bring the girls on our next outing. Their food is
lovely and their service is excellent. Did you see how they got
our orders in 5 minutes (I’m getting excited. It’s food we’re
talking about afterall. He smiles and looks ahead)
Him: I’m glad you like it. Can we drive past Stanger. I need to
give something to my aunt. She asked me to deliever it to her
Me: haaah! Can’t you do it when I’m no longer there?
Him: hhau you wont even have to get out the car and vele we
wont go in. it’s just a mini drop off really
Me: you promise?
Him: I’ll be quick I promise
Me: ohk cool.
See I don’t get too nervous anymore. I wasn’t nervous at all. I’m
trying to master the art of remaining calm cause you see we’re
gonna go past stanger to deliver whatever he’s talking about
and I can’t change that, so what’s worrying and sweating over it
gonna solve? Nothing. As were driving I see about 50 girls doing
a form of isiZulu dance. Put simpy UKUSINA. I can hear the Zulu
songs and the beat of the drum. Driving past here would be a sin
Me: please pull over
Him: over where? (he looks confused)
Me: here. Please stop haau
Him: why (he asks as he pulls over) why whats up? You ohk?
Me: I’m perfect
I take off my shoes and get out the car barefooted. He smiles
then his smile turns into a chuckle. I think he’s figured what’s
about to happen here. I go to the girls and I’m clapping along
while they dance. See, I can’t dance to save my life. And I’m ohk
with that. Like I’m fine with my 2 left feet they don’t bother me
and they sure as hell won’t be the reason I don’t dance. The girls
are standing in a circle 1 person goes in at a time. The moment

70
this girl goes out of this wring I go in and I dance along. I’m
laughing cause at first I messed up and missed the beat but later
caught up and I did well. I really tried. It’s only when I got that I
saw Sabelo laughing and smiling to himself with his phone up
that I realized he recorded me and I couldn’t care less. He
wasn’t about to dim my light. I stayed about 20 minutes when
Sabelo said we gotta leave. I hugged some of the girls, they were
ridiculously nice to me and told them I’d visit soon and took a
number from one who said she was Zekhethelo and we left. As
we’re walking to the car
Him: I don’t believe you just did that (he’s smiling and hugs me)
Me: what? Did you think I’d ignore all that culture happening?
Him: you have made way right to my heart. Just marry me
already (he’s smiling. I take this as a joke mcim it’s only been a
week since I first saw him)
Me: and forget that I’ve only known you a week. No a day
Him: that means nothing (he pulls a straight face then he
chuckles) I honestly don’t believe you did that. That’s the best
thing I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong I’ve seen people do it
really well but what made yours perfect is the fact that you
didn’t care for anything or anyone. You didn’t know it at first,
you didn’t know them but you got there and gelled with them so
well and ignored the modern “glamorous” tendencies. If it were
someone else and they had the courage to ask me to stop the car
they would have just watched from the car even if they knew
how to dance but wena you went for it even though you didn’t
know. I’ll forever respect you for this. You’ve no idea how much
this one act means to me. (he looks at me with the most serious
and sincere face he’s ever pulled since I first met him) Sizwe
this changes everything.
Me: you’re silly. Outchea making me blush. Enough (I blush and
look away). You took a video you swine
He laughs
Him: swine? Well this swine has this video on back up and I’ll
keep it for our children to see their spontaneous mom
Me: children? I’m not your girl (I smile and pull up an eyebrow)
Him: Zesizwe you’re not my girl, you’re my wife. I’m marrying
you. I don’t care when but you’re my wife. Don’t say I didn’t
warn you.

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Before I even respond, the gate to what looks like paradise slides
open
Me: I thought you said were going to your aunts house. You said
nothing about a lodge (in my head I’m thinking I’ll swear him to
kingdom come if he even thinks he can do me like that)
Him: (he chuckles) this is my aunts house
Me: this (I point at the house with my eyes almost falling)
Him: stop it it’s just a house.
I’m thinking father God. I knew he was stable with this audi but
I didn’t think they were this stable. He gets off the car and goes
to the boot and comes back with a handtowel
Him: wipe your feet and put on your shoes
Me: aibow wipe them and put on my shoes for what?
Him: kade usina. Your feet are dirty inhlabathi and put on your
shoes cause you need to step out the car
Me: please don’t do that. You promised I wouldn’t step out
Him: think carefully. I promised to be quick.
Yeeeeey I felt like screaming and punching his ass because I
remember what he’s talking about. He wipes my feet and puts
my shoes outside the car. And helps me out. As a get out and
step into the shoes, shaking. A slim caramel shaded lady walks
out and approaches the car. She has a pin straight weave that
reaches her bum. She must be 25 or 26. She’s absolutely
gorgeous. I literally feel my breathe leave me
Him: relax you’re gonna be fine. Remember you’re not my girl.
Only my girl would have the right to be nervous (he chuckles
and I feel like slapping him. He got me there. I mean why am I
nervous cause I’m not his girl ngempela. This cutie gets to us)
Her: sanbona bhuti (she has a smile on her face and it’s
perfection)
Him: sawbona swidart (they laugh)
He looks at me and takes my hand and pulls me closer to him
and I don’t even dispute. I mean how would I infront of his
people?
Him: this is uMaKhumalo. MaKhumalo this is Thandeka. She’s
my sister/cousin. My aunts daughter
This whole time she’s smiling. She comes to me and she hugs
me.
Her: it’s a pleasure to meet you MaKhumalo (she rolls her eyes
and laughs)

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Me: the pleasure is all mine and please call me Zesizwe. He
thinks everybody wants to call me by my maiden name
We both laugh.
Her: giiiiirl I like you already
She hugs me again. This time it’s longer and warmer. I like her
too. She’s really nice. Atleast for now.we approach the house
and enter through the kitchen. It’s beautiful and open plan, it’s a
beautiful home. Millionaire ballito kinds of homes. Thandeka
walks in, I walk in with him holding my hand and when we get to
the kitchen there’s a lady washing dishes at the sink. She must
be 28/9 years. She looks at Sabelo and then at me. Except she
looks at me cold as ice
Her: and then? Sabelo ubanike lo?
Him: please Phili don’t start
Her: hhau ngyabuza nje. Uban wena? (she smiles sarcastically,
looking at me like I’m filthy. Literally from head to toe.kushuthi
I s should start getting used to this look) uban wena?
Me: Saw’bona
There was silence. Sabelo squeezes me hand. I look up at him
and he gives me a mini smile. He’s probably happy I’m not
offended by this Phili
Her: (she chuckles) I would have greeted you if I had an interest
in pretending to be interested in you
I give her a smile. See I don’t understand why she’s rude to me,
I’m just this girl that her cousin seems to show interest in. I
don’t have to put up with this BUT I will because I know her
cousin AND it’s gonna be fun putting her in her place.
Thandeka: ungamnaki lo, unjena nje. Ingakho esala. Let’s go.
Sabelo umah uklindile
Her: she’s here to meet your mom?
Your mom? So they’re not siblings siblings. Ohk. It’s a pity it’s
not my business I would have asked Sabelo. Or maybe I will.
We walk to the lounge and leave Phili and her bitter self. We find
this beautiful average sized lady sitting at the lounge watching
TV making something with beads. Looks like a bracelet. She’s
humming some gospel song and she’s just perfect. Motherly. She
sees us coming and she smiles. She looks at Sabelo and then at
me then she smiles and puts her beads to the side and hugs me
first then hugs Sabelo.

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Sabelo: hhau mah wenza ubhlalo? Wawgcine nini nje? Ngangithi
awsakwazi nokubenza (he looks really shocked)
Her: san’bona ngan yam (she looks at him, then me)
Sabelo: sawbona mah. Niyaphila kodwa?
Her: hhaaaau siyaphila baba ukukhala akusizi nina ninjan
Thandeka walks in with juice and buscuits
Him: hhai syaphila mah. Sbuya la ngase Ballito. Nayi mah
iDelivery yakho oycelile (he looks at me)
I look at him in hopes that he’s gonna take something out of his
pocket or something. But when I see him look at me my breathe
leaves me yet again. I’m in a place I don’t know with people I
don’t know. They live in a house that looks like a hotel and I
don’t even know what they do, what if their gonna kill me and
feed me to their snakes. Sabelo sees me panicking and takes my
hand into his. He turns immediately and looks at me
Him: you’re shaking and your hands are sweating. You ohk?
Me: saw’bona mah
I totally ignore him. She smiles so warmly.
Her: sawbona ntombazane yam
Sabelo: mah uZesizwe Khumalo lo. Wathi I should bring her
when I find her and last week Saturday I saw her and I just
knew I found her. Sizwe this is mam Phumzile. My mothers twin
sister. My aunt.
Me: ngyajabula ukukwazi mah (I don’t look to her face but
rather her hands)
Her: kujabula mina. Wamuhle bakithi kukuphi ekhaya? (here
we go with the questions about my life)
Me: ngwase Mthwalume kodwa ngikhulele eThekwini. Ngihlala
eChatsworth
Her: ooh eChatsworth. Abazalli basekhona?
Me: ubaba okhona. Umah akasekho washona 2010
Her: awu ncese mntanam. I don’t mean to dig up old wounds
Me: ai mah there’s no problem. It’s ohk
Her: washona wayenani kodwa bakithi usemncane kangaka
Me: I don’t really know, I can’t narrow it down and that’s the
part I don’t like talking about (ohk I’m getting sad. I honestly
don’t like talking about it. Sabelo sees this and he holds my hand
again)
Him: it’s ohk KaKhumalo. You don’t have to talk about it. Mah
please.

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Her: it’s ohk sisi. We don’t want you uncomfortable.(she gives
me a warm smile) ngsayophaka ngeke nihambe nidle ama
Biscuits and juice
Sabelo: ai mah ngeke. Kade siseMhlali manje nje syodla. Kahle
kahle I brought you your card cause we were passing.
Me: I’ll have tea please. I like tea with biscuits
She smiles and Sabelo laughs
Him: kodwa Zesizwe (he chuckles)
Aunt: ai awyeke uZesizwe. Biscuits and juice are just too much
sugar.
(she calls for Thandeka and she appears from the passage) sisi
ngicela wenzele uZesizwe itiye
Sabelo: no I’ll make it. (he looks at me) how do you like it?
Me: warm milk, 2 sugars thanks
Aunt: just like Phumlile (she smiles with semi wet eyes)
He gets up and Thandeka comes and sits with us. And we just
talk. Sabelo comes back with my tea and I eat up the biscuits
while we all talk.
We were done and it was time for us to go. They walked us out.
Thandeka: ngyajabula ukukwazi. It’s good to know there’s
another girl I’ll get along with in this family. I’ll see you
Saturday (she hugs me)
Me: I’m glad you feel that way. It was a pleasure to meet you too.
See you then.
Aunt Phumz comes around and hugs me. A long warm hug
Her: thank you sisi. Hopefully I’ll see you soon. You’ve been a
pleasure
Me: ngyabonga mah. Though I came unannounced I’m happy I
got to meet you too.
Her: you’re welcome here anytime nganeyami. Theres no such
thing as “I came here unnanouned.” I’ll take your number
kuSabelo, just to check up on you
I nearly burst into laughter when she said that because it only
hit me then that…
Sabelo: nami ang’nayo (he looks shocked himself)
Aunty: what are y’all saying?
Sabelo: she didn’t give me her number. But I trust she’ll give me
today cause you need it
Trust Sabelo to throw me under the bus. Yeses!

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Me: it’s not even that. But we’ll tell y’all the story some other
time (I smile)
Thandeka: how about y’all tell us now. We’ve got time
Me: it’s a long story I promise you
Her: then we’ll sit down. She opens the back door aunti gets in
so does she. I look at Sabelo from across and throw him the “I’ll
get you look” and I open the door and get in. he comes around to
close it.
Him: you never open your own door when I’m around. Even
when you’re mad at me.
He closes it and goes around and gets in. he tells them the entire
story. Everything. Every single detail all the way to him getting
us a hotel room yesterday to the fact that he nearly die when he
got to the room this morning and we weren’t there. Every little
detail and the whole time I’m thinking, it’s not as bad as it
sounds. The ladies are laughing and expressing shock the whole
time.
Aunt: (claps once) nangehlula. Zesziwe ngan yam
I don’t respond I look at her with my hands covering my eyes
Her: that’s how you make a man work for your attention. You
were raised well
I smile.
Thandeka: I like you already, I did say. Now give my cousin your
number
She takes his phone from the cupholder and gives it to me. I put
in my number and give her back the phone and she saves it
Her: syabonga. I saved it as ‘the future”
Sabelo: dankie sis. Now get out my car we have to go
Thandeka: we’ve been sitting here soo long, can’t we go for
dinner or something I’m hungry
Sabelo: ai she’s seen too much of y’all in one day I’d like to be
with her alone. Go away.
Thandeka: ave unomona kodwa bhuti
The whole time aunty is looking at me in silence and sometimes
she smiles then pulls a straightface again.
Aunty: I’ll see you again. Sabelo come see me during the week
Him: alright mah.

We were out of there in an hour and a half. By the time I left

we’d set up a date noThandeka for next saturday and aunti

76
asked to see Sabelo during the week to take her to some family
home to discuss the logistics of his mothers unveiling. I left
knowing that Sabelos mother died 3 years ago in a car accident
and he doesn’t know his father though he has some contact with
his father family. I also know that Phili is not related to them by
blood which explains why she was that rude. The house in
Stanger is aunt Phumziles husbands home. He’s no more. When
he died, his family, Phili, her sister Nokuzola and her mom came
to live with them because it is “her brothers house” and they
had to make sure aunt Phumzile doesn’t bring another man
home. Aunt Phumzile doesn’t wanna leave the house because
she’s honoring her late husband. Too many memories in their
home so they have to coexist. Some of their families politics.

We left and it was already past 19h00, it was dark. We drove in

comfortable silence. Well atleast I was comfortable and looking
out the window
Sabelo: I’m sorry
I snap out of my thoughts and turn to look at him and he’s
looking at me and ahead driving
Me:huh? For what?
Him: oh you’re not mad at me
Me: mad? Why would I be mad?
Him: you’re not talking to me so I thought you’re mad I took you
home and made you stay that long
Me: don’t be silly man. We had fun at home I was just quiet nje,
that doesn’t mean I’m mad at you (I say so with a smile just to
assure him) I had a good day.
Him: you did? Even with Phili rude to you? I was worried about
you cause I know how she gets sometimes
Me: yeah I did. Don’t worry about her. I’m a strongbow. It would
take more than that to get to me. Why was she rude anyway she
doesn’t even know me??
Him: honestly I don’t know. All I know is there once was a time
where she liked me. I don’t know how true that is though cause
Thandeka was telling me she overheard them talking with Zola
one day but it never came to me from her though at times there
were obvious signs
Me: I see. Wena why didn’t you date her?? (I’m teasing him)

77
Him: except the fact that I don’t like her that way, I wouldn’t
date family
Me: but she’s not family. You guys could get married with kids.
She’s not your family
Him: Zesizwe you know what I mean.
Me: I’m kidding relax. I do. Can we adjust the aircon a bit I’m
abit cold
He does that and we drive to the hotel over simple conversation.
When we get there we sit in the car a while. It’s already just
after 20h00. He walks with me to my room and hugs me.
Him: thank you for such a good Sunday. I had a really good time
with you I don’t even know last I had such fun.
Me: thank you too. It was really good. Right now I need to check
on the sisters
Him: yeah you should. You’ve been away from them a while.
I turn to open the door and it’s dark. They’re not here.
Me: they didn’t miss me. They aren’t here
Him: (chuckles) how about you didn’t miss them. You were too
busy having a good day
I turn the lights on and have some orange juice.
Him: should I wait with you?
Me: nah it’s ohk. The gents must be missing you too
Him: we’re guys, we don’t do this miss shenanigans.
His isiZulu is all sorts of sexy I swear to GOD. Lomfana ibhinca
nje lomfana but I’m not complaining.
Me: you wanna stay don’t you?
Him: I’d love to (he says with such grace.)
Me: ohk then let me go bathe and slip into something
comfortable. I’ll be quick
Him: sure you not hungry? We could grab something light
I stand there thinking for a second. Contemplating which option
to take
Me: I’ll take a quick shower you go get light finger foods
downstairs. I’ll be out in 15 minutes you should be back in 30
and I’ll be ready.
Him: ohk cool. I’ll see you soon. (he gets up walks to the door.)
oh and thanks for your number.
I smile I head for the room and he walks out. Is it me or are
things just happening too fast la. Aibow phela ngeke. I can’t be in
a relationship in a day. The week doesn’t count cause he’s the

78
one who knew and was following me. After tonight I have to set
straight this record. People must respect boundaries. I keep
going with a guy I met last week. Hah. I bathe and wear PJs and
the hotels gown and head for the lounge he’s back in 20 minutes.
We eat and talk. About an hour the girls come back and he
leaves. I walk him out and he goes. The minute I shut the door
with a smile on my face I turn
Ndu: talk we’re waiting. You were busy neh. We called you a
million times and texted you.
Thabi: and not a single response. Yeey benenzani kanti?
Me: ladies please (I’m blushing)
I tell them everything. About the family, Phili. Everything you
read above, I told them.
Ndu: so uvumile that he was stalking you? (they’re all shocked
AF)
Me: iyebo. I lost even the will to act mad the effort was sweet
Busi: this guy is capable of killing you
Thabi: or he’s just a man that’s really inlove or feels like he’s
falling. Why must you be negative?
Ndu: ai ngyamthanda lomfana
Zama; ai uthandwa imina I swear
Thabi: I don’t see why you wouldn’t give him a chance
Me: I think I like him and it scares me. He’s patient with me
kodwa ke, who knows what skeletons he has in his closet
Thabi: then you deal with them when you get to them. Don’t
deprive yourself of happiness
Me: I’m already happy and he has nothing to do with that
Thabi: you know what I mean. Let’s be realistic, partners bring
us happiness
Me: it depends what your reality is. My reality is I’m already
happy and the partner shares in it. He shares in what’s already
there. That’s my realistic. My reality
They all laugh, they know I won’t back down from my theory
and so they let it go
Busi: I don’t know, it seems too early to be liking him. What’s
with him? Why’s he so nice?
They look at her
Her: guys I’m just weighing the options. I’m not trying to be
negative
Me: she has a point guys

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Ndu: there’s no point la. We’re all dating at a risk of being hurt
but we’re in relationships anyway. We’ll hurt and recover but
for now we’ll have fun.
Me: you also have a point I mean it’s not like I’m marrying the
guy. I’ll just get to know him. I might just fall inlove.
Zama and Ndu and Thabi: exactly
Me: idiots. I need to sleep. I’m tired.
I pull my fleece and they all get off and head to their sleeping
spaces. My phone beeps. It’s a message
“You made my day. Thank you for spending it with me. I
have a meeting ksasa and probably won’t come back to the
hotel or if I do, you won’t be here so I’ll wake you ekseni to
say my goodbyes please. Meeting is at 9, I’ll call you at 7ish
please I’ll be at your door. I won’t call cause you’re probably
catching up with the ladies. I love you already MaKhumalo.
Goodnight.”
I smile like an idiot. Cause duurh. I’m happy. I reply a simple
“ok. Goodnight.” And I dose off.

Next morning he comes and says goodbye for real and he’s
dressed in simple jeans and a tshirt with sneakers
Me: you’re going kwi meeting unje?
Him: goodmorning to you too, what’s wrong with this? (he’s
looking at himself then at me)
Me: unless it’s a casual breakfast meeting then maybe it’s ohk
Him: it’s business breakfast
Me: if this is how you normally handle business and it’s worked
for you then it’s fine
He smiles and shakes his head. Aibow uHandsome uSabelo. He’s
not hoooot, hot is for bambinos. He’s just a guy who knows how
to use his expressions to make you weak and ke he smells too
good.
Him: what would you rather I wear?
Me: smart casual or formal straight.
Him: I’m gonna go home and change into a suit then I’ll send you
a picture. How’s that?
Me: perfect. (I smile with a mini chuckle) now go. I wanna sleep
a little
Him: ooh you wanna leave me for bed (he pouts)

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Me: yes and I won’t even feel bad. Go away (I laugh). Drive safe
and buckle up. Don’t drive like an idiot. You’re not late.
It registers at that moment that I don’t know what he does
meaning I won’t know what the meeting is about. I don’t know
where he lives either. But I won’t ask now.
Him: ooh you care. I’ll call you when I get home and before I
leave for the meeting I’ll send you a picture dressed.
Me: ohk cool. Now go away.
He hugs me and I go inside before he leaves. He walks away and
a few minutes later my phone beeps, it’s a picture of his upper
body strapped. He’s just showing me he buckled up. I think I’m
dating this guy in a single weekend and I don’t care. I don’t even
feel bad ukuthi I’m entertaining him. Like I’m ohk with that. He
indeed calls me after about 35 minutes tells me he’s home safe.
Sends a picture of him in his slim fit navy suit and white shirt
no tie looking all sorts of yummy.
“looking good. Have a productive day and all the best” that’s
literally all I could say because vele I don’t know what he does
ngeLife and I haven’t drawn the courage to ask him.
The girls are up at 10ish, breakfast is served and we check out
at 12. We drop the ladies one by one and head home.
Pretty: what a weekend
Zama: busy would be an understatement. Especially for wena
ZESI
Me: I think I miss him (I pout)
Pretty: ai nguwena I would too. Ai uyabusisa
Me: he’s everything isn’t he?
Zama: everything and more. Who takes a lady to his family on
their first date? First he stalks you then he pays for your hotel
bill with your girls, then he takes you to his mom.
Pretty: just take it slow gogo and allow the process to unfold.
Have fun nje and take care of your heart
Me: I will sis
Pretty: I’m really happy for you. This might just be the best
thing to happen to you
Me: or the worst.
I look out the window in silence as we head home. We get home I
bathe and sit in the girls room.
I should explain this. I live in a very simple home. Nothing
hectic. 3 bedrooms. 1 is dads, 1 is my brothers and the last one,

81
which is the biggest is the girls. It has 3 single beds. I prepare
my outfits for the week. After that I’m on my laptop writing. See
I love writing and I could go on for hours. And before I know it
it’s way past 20h00.
He’s been calling and texting all day. I haven’t been picking up
and even I don’t know why. I head to the lounge to eat and come
back to a text message that came through 15 minutes ago
“I’m worried about you. Please come out I’m outside.”
I peep through and he’s still parked there. Dads sleeping so I
step out. He opens the door from inside I get in and close.
He looks exhausted. He looks soo concerned he’s aged 30 years
Me: sawbona
Him: MaKhumalo uRight? I’ve been trying to reach you all day
Me: I’m sorry
Him: kwenzenjan? Were you ignoring me?
Me: no I wasn’t, I wasn’t
Him: you’re sounding defensive Zesizwe kwenzakalani?
Me: lutho I promise. I was busy writing I lost track of time and
before I realized I had a million missed calls. My phone was on
silence and I hadn’t touched it
Him: and you didn’t even think about me? You didn’t think I
wouldn’t make it the whole day without talking to you? (he
sounds broken. Like I should have known he’d call me)
Me: ngyazixolisela bakithi. I just got carried away by the book
I’m writing
Him: I guess it’s ohk. I thought you were ignoring me. I was soo
worried I had a terrible day. I wanted to tell you about my
meeting, it went soo well but I couldn’t even celebrate because I
wanted to with you
Me: I’m sorry. You can still tell me about it now
Him: I’ll tell you on our our next date as a celebratory dinner
this Saturday (he’s smiling. He’s excited. Which means I’m out
of the woods)
Me: I have a date with Thandeka remember
Him: ai phela awmazi wena wazi mina
Me: aibowww (I’m screaming and laughing)
Him: ai ngempela
Me: ai I gave her my word. I can’t go back on it
Him: oh you gave her your word?
Me: yes I did.

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Him: ohk go out with her all day then come back home to get
ready for dinner I’ll pick you up at 7
Me: ohk that sounds like a plan. We could do that. It’s a date.
Now go away I have work tomorrow
Him: can I take you to work? Ksasa?
Me: I have a set load taxi that takes me to work
Him: just for tomorrow please
Me: ai uzoDriva usukaphi? You know where I live and I don’t
know where you live
Him: nghlala la eBallito
Me: hhau uzoDriver from Ballito to Chatsworth only to take me
to town and back to Ballito
Him: I don’t mind. You shouldn’t either
Me: ai you can come see me at work
Him: no I’m taking you. What time do you start work?
Me: 07h30
Him: I’ll be here at 06h30
I figure I won’t win this one and so I just agree, it’s only for
tomorrow anyway
Me: just for tomorrow. I don’t want you interrupting my
schedule
Him: we could create a new one
Me: and when you can’t keep up with it I’d have to go back to
this one and readjust?no thanks
Him: Zesizwe yazi izophela yoonke lenkani. Izophela duh
sthandwa
Me: angsona isthandwa sakho (I’m teasing him)
Him: uzoba.. (he chuckles) yazi uzoba.
We both laugh and talk a little more then he watches me go all
the way up to the house before he drives off. It’s already 10
something and so I go to bed. He calls when he gets home and I
go back to sleep after talking to him.

Next morning I get ready for work and pack my lunch bag. I
head to the room to do my make up and consider wearing my
weave, but I don’t. 06h20 I pop out and he’s already parked a
few houses away. I grab my handbag and leave and he’s
standing outside the car. He opens the door, I get in and so does
he. We buckle up.
Him: thank you for letting me pick you up

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Me: you’re welcome. But then again, thank you for offering.
Him: you look beautiful. Infact you always look beautiful, if I
didn’t know better I’d say you’re dating someone at the office
Me: thank you. But wait, who said I’m not dating anyone?
Him: don’t say that
Me: it’s just a question
Him: are you seeing anyone there?
Me: no just a mutual crush.
He looks at me like I killed someone.
Him: why are you doing this to me? Why would you tell me this?
Me: because you asked hhau Sabelo
There was silence. I think he’s jealous. As we offramp to the N2 I
remember something
Me: ooooh shooooot!
Him: what?
Me: I forgot my lunch bag
Him: oh-hoo so you’re without lunch
Me: yup. Kodwa I’ll make a plan
Him: and does that plan include your crush?
Me: no man. I don’t have no crush at work will you relax. Wesley
has a crush on me. I don’t have one on him
Him: oh so someone does have a crush on you
Me: well I’m not exactly unattractive and so yes I do have people
crushing on me and Wesley is one of them but what matters is
that I’m not crushing on none of them.
Him: hm.
Me: are you jealous? On a chooseday morning you choose to be
jealous?
Him: yes I actually am but ke what can I do.
Me: I’m sorry you feel that way.
He looks ahead and drives in silence. There’s traffic but he’s
patient cause not once did he cuss or show signs or irritation. I
guess he knows he has no control over the traffic but I’m
supposed to have control over other peoples feelings and
crushes on me. I get to work and he pulls up at the front.
Fortunately he gets parking.
Him: can I bring you lunch?
Me: no. bring me lunch if it comes from the heart and you really
want to. Don’t bring me lunch because you think Wesley will buy
me lunch if you don’t

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Him: ohk. I’m sorry
Me: not as sorry as I am.
Him: what’s that supposed to mean?
Me: it means just that. I have to go.
Him: I’m sorry Zesizwe. I just got a little jealous. I don’t even
know why cause we’re not really together and you haven’t
agreed to anything. I had no right. I’m sorry.
Me: you’re right, you had no right. But it’s nice to know you’re a
little jealous. I have to go. My lunch today is at 13h00. Have a
good day (I smile. He does too cause I’ve just confirmed he could
come over and he picked that one. I got off the car and walked
away. He only left when I entered the building.)

The office was FUUUUUUUUUN. The girls were in a good mood

after the weekend we had and Wesley overheard some of the
conversations and I didn’t care really. I feel like he’s always
known they’ll never be an us but he’s nice shame. There’s no
denying his gentlemanhood but I’m just not attracted to him I’m
attracted to Sabelo and he sees it kodwa he’s not really
convinced.

Chapter five

3 months later
Sabelo
Zesizwe and I have been together a few months now. She’s even
moved out of home into a flat in Musgrave and has her licence
now. She’s been the sweetest and the most open hearted person
I’ve ever loved but there’s something about her that makes me
feel like she’s been hurt. Her heart is pure though she’s been

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hurt before. She won’t tell me who or what hurt her but I’m
willing to wait. I really love her. I sometimes have conversations
with God asking him why He kept her away from me for soo
long. She’s hardheaded and won’t let me spoil her but I do
anyway. I know she lost her mom when she was in highschool
and sometimes has days where she misses her soo much her
heart can’t take it. I understand though cause she’d barely
understood life when her mom died.

We get along like a house on fire with her, she understands that
I’m a guy from the farms and I sometimes listen to Maskandi or
attend imbizo or Satma awards, she understands that I
sometimes wear imbadada and umblaselo and take her on a date
and she lets me hold her hand the same way I do when I’m in a
suit. She even lets me buy her these traditional attires and she
wears them with pride. At first I thought she did it to make me
happy but I realized she likes it too when she started buying
little pieces of beads and traditional doeks and the works. I
remember first I bought her imvunulo (traditional attire)
I picked her up from her house for movies on a Saturday
Me: hey sthandwa
Her: Sabelo. Yin wajabula kangaka?
Me: cause I’m seeing you hhau
Her: you saw me izolo and the day before that and you weren’t
this happy
Me: I got you something
Her: huhhuh please
She doesn’t like me buying her stuff. She says I have no
boundaries just because I bought her some Christian Louboutin
heels and a Prada handbag with her favourite Michael Kors
watch. She was mad at me, but since I’m such an ancient guy I
didn’t know what girls liked and when I spoke to my friends wife
she told me about these things and so I got them for her. When
she saw them she first was mad at me for spending too much on
her at once then when she finally accepted them she loved it.
Me: awu baby
Her: huhhuh
I gave her a gift bag and she opens it. The moment she sees she
looks at me

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Her: aibow what’s this (she lights up) you got me imvunulo?
Awuu kodwa Mbatha, Sontshikazi, Ndabezitha.. I love it (she
reaches to hug me) thank you soo much. I love it. Where am I
gonna wear it kodwa Jesu. Can someone just get married or
some traditional gathering
Me: my friend Sandile and his wife Yonella are getting married
in a few months. You’ll wear it then.
Her: ooh Sabelo ngyabonga.
Her reaction gave me life. It made me happy. She understands
that when I marry her our lives will be a combination of both
modern and traditional and she balances it well. Not only that
but she also understands my busy schedule and I understand
that she’s working during day and at night works on what she
calls “baby Vision”. It’s an academy for teenagers. She has talks
in schools and holds purpose talks and seminars. She does
follow ups with her “babies” and even calls them or has them
call her.
She visits rural areas and everytime she talks about it she lights
up. She’s currently working with a lady from New York whom
she met when she was visiting there a few years ago. They
wanna build a skills school in SA and they have the land now.
They’re gonna be doing all things handwork and even have
dorms. So she’s very busy lately while also balancing it with
work at shellhouse. She’s been to NY twice in the past 3 months
to seal some deals. Their motto is “I am because you are”. When
she first explained it to me I didn’t quite understand how she’d
make it work but now that it’s happening, I couldn’t be more
proud of her. She’s a strong woman though she’s sensitive and
very emotional at the same time.

I call her and her phone rings to voicemail. I’m guessing she’s
probably busy writing. Tomorrow is Monday and I’m the one
who usually takes her to work on Mondays but tomorrow I can’t
because I have a meeting in Stanger at 09:00. I call her again
and she picks up
Her: Sabelo
Me: hey babe. You ohk?
Yeah she’s babe now. After hard work and great effort she
finally agreed to let me love her and I do
Her: yeah I’m ohk how about yourself?

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She’s too formal and her voice sounds rather low. I know she’s
not ohk
Me: I was ohk until I heard you’re not. I’m coming there now
Her: there’s no need. I’m fine (she raises her tone trying to
convince me but by that time I’m already on my way to the
garage. She’s not ohk)
Me: I’ll be there in 40
I hang up. See I know uMaKhumalo wamm, had I not hung up
she’d have found ways to stop me from going to see her. I’m
driving pretty fast but not like a maniac because she’d kill me if
I called her in less than 40 and told her I was outside and I want
to get to her alive. I drive straight to Chatsworth then call her
when I’m there
Her: Mbatha
My heart melts everytime she calls me by my surname. She
hardly does, but when she does my heart beats for her even
more.
Me: MaKhumalo, woza. I’m outside
Her: aibo I told you I’m ohk
Me: I didn’t believe you and I need to see you even when you’re
ohk.
Her: ohk, give me a moment.
She walks out in her slippers and her pink fluffy gown and a hat.
I swear she’s at her cutest right now. She walks down her steps
and I figure I should get out the car round about now. She gets to
me and comes straight into my arms, I always initiate hugs.
There was a time where I even thought the only reason she hugs
me is because I reach for it first but today she comes into my
arms first and as if she’s been longing for them. I hold her in
silence and rest her head on my chest with my hand at the back
of her head. She’s quiet. I can never explain the joy I feel in my
heart everytime she goes through something or has a bad day
and she runs to my arms for comfort. When she lets me be
strong for her. I’ve never seen her tears, she never lets me see
them. Whoever hurt her nearly destroyed her because now she
refuses to be weak. That’s why I came here when I heard in her
voice that she’s not ohk. I wanted her to let me be strong for her.
She tries to pull away but I hold her closer
Her: you’re suffocating me (she laughs)

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Me: I’m sorry. (I let her go) I just wanted to make sure you’re
ohk. What happened? You didn’t sound like yourself
Her: I’m ohk. I want icecream.
She’s changing the subject but it’s ohk. I’ll let this one slip. I
know she’ll tell me when she’s ready. I won’t push. She always
did say icecream makes her feel better.
Me: ohk. Get in the car let’s go get you icecream

I open the door for her. After I get in I notice her eyes are red
and puffed up. She’s been crying. And by the look in her eyes it
wasn’t just a mini cry over breaking a nail. The moment I see
this my heart sinks to the pits of my stomach. Had I decided not
to call and just text her she’d have probably cried herself to
sleep and I wouldn’t have known cause she wouldn’t have told
me. I wouldn’t have been able to be there for her when she needs
me
Me: what icecream would you like to have?
Her: McD Mudpie.
I smile because I should have known. She lives for mudpie or
mcflurry. I start the car and we go to the Ridge. We drive
through and she eats that mudpie with a smile on her face
Me: would you like another one?
Her: naaah I’ll have one tomorrow
Me: so you wont be feeling better tomorrow?
Her: huh?
Me: well you always say icecream makes you feel better and
today you’re not fine so you’re having icecream. If you have it
again tomorrow that means you won’t be feeling better
She laughs and I get to see a genuine smile from her for the first
time today
Her: don’t be silly Sabelo. I’ll be craving it for myself. Tomorrow
I’ll be fine
Me: ohk. I’ll pick you up and we can go for icecream. I’ll have
some too
She looks at me shocked
Her: wena noIcecream? Ai wena
Me: yes mina noIceCream. (she gives me a naughty smile and I
think I’m gonna regret this) don’t be extra. I’ll have simple
icecream not these sugar fountains you always have

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Her: go big or go home buddy (she chuckles and my heart is ohk.
My heart is alright when shes like this)
Me: I won’t be able to take you to work tomorrow. That’s why I
called you that time. You can order an uber. Please. I’m sorry.
I had her uber app adjusted and put the billing in my card. So
when she orders an uber I pay. I had to fight her to even have
her let me link my card to her uber. Unenkani. Kodwa
ngyamthanda
Her: ohk. I’ll take my 06:20 setload (she isn’t even moved. Life
for her is soo simple. She never gets too disappointed or fights
over petty things. She never asks for anything instead I have to
fight her to let me do some things for her like her license.)
Me: ai kahle. I want you to take an uber
Her: aibow I’ve lived of Taxis my whole life, taking one sasa
wont kill me
Me: I’ll request your uber at 06h30 or I’ll have Musa take you to
work and he’ll be here at 6. Choose.
Musa is the company driver. She hates being driven by him and
whenever I wanna win such arguments I use Musa.
Her: fine I’ll take uber. (she gives me this look that’s meant to
get to me and for me it’s the cutest)
Me: good girl. Now I have to go. Got to prepare for tomorrow.
Her: ohk cool. Thank you for coming to check up on me. I
appreciate it.
Me: it’s my job to make sure you’re ohk. I’ll see you ksasa
ntambama but I’ll be calling you. If I finish early I’ll see you at
lunch. I love you.
Her: thank you. Goodnight.
She has never said she loves me. She always says thank you or
“I know you do” then leaves me like that. We both get off the car
cause I wanna hug her again. There’s a feeling I cant explain
when I hug her. She fits in my arms like they were designed to
hold her, im starting to believe they were. Shes perfect. She
makes me feel like my arms are her home. We connect
noMaKhumalo. On deeper levels I can’t explain. From the way
we get along to our understanding. We get along soo well.
Her: ohk bye. Drive safe.
Me: thanks my love. Don’t cry anymore. You’re ohk. I’m here
now so you don’t have to go through anything alone. If you need
anything. MaKhumalo anything!

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Her: thank you. (there’s a teary tinkle in her eye)
Me: baby, please. Talk to me
Her: please hold me. Ple.. (I don’t even wait for her to finish
talking and she’s already in my arms. In silence. It breaks my
heart but I understand she’s not ready to talk about whatever is
bothering her)
Her: go prepare, I’ll see you tomorrow
Me: that can wait.
Her: go away. I’ll still be here ksasa
Me: ohk. Go inside, I’ll leave when I’m sure you’re in safe. I love
you.
I watch her walk up her stairs till she disappears to the house. I
stay there a few more minutes trying to figure what could be
bugging her. I’m glad she’s better but I’m not ohk because I don’t
know whats bugging her, for all I know she could be back to
crying right this moment. I drive off..

Zesizwe
I watch his car drive off from the window. Im happy right now.
Im glad he makes an effort. He never misses a chance to see me
or to be there for me. Theres nothing wrong with me. I just had a
random moment where I missed mom and its June so I have
those moments a lot in June. He just worries too much. But I
wont lie and say I don’t appreciate it. Pretty walks in
Her: he came to see you?
Me: yeah he was worried
Her: he’s a good guy Zesi.
Me: yeah I know. But for how long?
I felt that. I just said it njeee but it cut deep.

Sabelo
I went for my meeting and indeed I finished just after 12. I was
about to call myLove when I got a call from aunt Phumi.
Me: maAuntiza
Her: mfan wamm, ninjan?
Me: we’re good aunty nina ninjan?
Her: ai syaphila. When are you coming this side? I need to see
you
Me: yini? Is everything ohk

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Her: yes boy everything is fine. Am I not allowed to miss you?
Me: I’m in Stanger right now so I may aswel pass by.
Her: ohk baby I’ll see you in a second
Me: ooh how effortlessly you call me that. I just wish
MaKhumalo could call me that even once.
Her: she will. Girls like her take their time. Allow her the
process without putting too much pressure on her.
Me: aunty I’m about to drive I’ll see you soon.
I drove to my aunts and found her there with Thandeka. Phili
and her mom were sitting outside near the pool area
Me: San’bona
Them: yebo Sabelo
Me: niphilile kodwa?
Nomzamo: syaphila mfana unjan wena?
Me: ai ngyaphila mah, ngithi angzobona intombi endala nje

After I told Zesizwe about Philis crush on me I feel really

awkward around her. Infact since I found Zesi, every lady feels
foreign to me. She’s soo different from everybody I literally walk
around comparing girls to her and they don’t match anything I’d
feel about her. Even in simple conversations with them in their
responses I laugh to myself just thinking how she would have
responded to a particular topic. There’s something about her. I
walk in and mah is in the kitchen
Me: MaChiliza
Her: Mbatha Mfana wamm
Me: you look tired, kwenzenjan?
Her: I’ve been on my feet cooking and cleaning all day
Me: why?
Her: because I felt like it. Woza sihlale phansi kuze sizokhuluma.
We walk to the lounge and already I feel a coldness in my
stomach. We hardly ever have serious talks with her
Her: unjan uZesizwe?
Me: uyaphila mah. Uphila kakhulu (I smile and so does she)
Her: I can just see she’s treating you well. I hope you’re taking
care of her too
Me: I try mah. She just won’t open up to me kodwa she says
she’s ohk. I don’t know, izolo she was crying and I wouldn’t
have known had I not insisted on coming to see her when I
heard her husky voice over the phone

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Her: did she tell you why she was crying?
Me: no. she just changed the subject and said she wanted ice
cream. So I got her that. But when I left she was feeling better.
She was laughing again (I smile)
Her: you really love her. (she smiles warmly, looking at me with
such pity)
Me: more than you’d ever know. I’d kill for her just as easily as
I’d lay down my life just to see her happy
Her: Sabelo do you remember the beads you found me making
here the day you came her noZesizwe?
Me: yebo
Her: Ngangiphuphe umawakho, eloke ethi angenze ubuhlalo
obuhle basemqaleni nasesandleni bese sishanela amabala.
Ngaloke nginganaki kwaze kwaba kathathu. Loku kwesine
ubesekhombisa ukucasuka ethi akafuni ufike la uhambe
ungabuphethe. Ngaxakeka nje ukuth ungfunani nobuhlalo
uPhumlile sengyabona manje ukuthi bengakhela uMaKhumalo.
(she’s teary now)

I’m sitting there with my eyes popping out of their sockets. See I
may not be a sangoma and interpret dreams and stuff, but I
know for a fact what this means.
Me: aunty uthini kmina? (I’m shocked dry right now. I don’t
understand).

Aunt: uyena Sabelo uMaKhumalo. Uye lo ekade umlindile, kade

umhluphekela yonke leminyaka mntanami. Uyena. Y’all
meeting wasn’t just a coincidence. It’s something preordained
by God and chosen by our ancestors. Your mother loves her and
she says she speaks to her mother too. They’re fine.
Me: aunt kahle kahle uthini?
Her: I dreamt of your mother. My sister. She says Zesizwe is
your home, love and hope. She’s the one for you. It’s her. She’s
your destiny.
Me: that explains a lot. It explains why I’m soo attached to her
and just always wanna be with her. It explains why I can’t stand
her tears and almost sense her when she’s not ohk. The day I
first saw her, she wasn’t the only girl at the Village Table and
she wasn’t the prettiest but my eyes only saw her. Mah, I only
see her

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Her: I knew she was the one the day you brought her home.
You’d never brought anybody here. That girl is your heart and I
don’t even think she’ll ever realize how she’s rescued you.
You’ve changed being with her, it’s like you look forward to life
Me: I do. (I smile with tears in my eyes) she always says we only
have one life. Ayikho eseFridge-ini or on standby. Yiyo le and we
shall live. She says sizoykhipha inkani impilo ngeke sizwe
ngayo. I have to go mah, I need to see her.
Her: wait let me get you your beads to give to her when you’re
ready
She goes to get them upstairs and I’m waiting here with my
heart smiling. I’m soo happy to know that MaKhumalo and I are
brought together by a force greater than us. I’m happy to know
she’s mine and I am hers. iKhayalami. iSthandwa sami.
iThemba lami. Inhliziyo yam. iSizwe sami, uyikho konke nje
okuthi mina.
She comes back with a box made of beads and she hands it to me
with a tear on her face
Her: nika uMaKhumalo when you’re ready mfanawami (she has
my hand in hers and the other on top of the box)
Me: ngyabonga mah. This means everything to me
Her: not half as what it means to me. I feel like she’s brought me
closer to my sister. I dream of her soo often ever since she came
into our lives
Me: she’s a blessing isn’t she?
Her: she’s much more than that.
I look down to her hands and open the box. It’s a neckpiece and
a beaded bracelet.
Me: It’s beautiful mama ngyabonga
Her: it will be even more beautiful when she wears it
I lift up the neckpiece and under it lies my mothers wedding
ring. I look at her with eyes wide out
Her: for when you decide to ask for her hand
Me: I know I’ve only known her a week and always say she’s my
wife but this will scare her away mamah and I don’t wanna loose
her
Her: it’s for when you decide to ask for her hand, not that you
gota go ask her now
I understand her point. I’ll keep it as safe as I possibly can. She
appreciates sentiments and I know how much Zesizwe will

94
appreciate this. But in my head something is uneasy, I just can’t
think of what
Her: what are you thinking?
Mer: mamah, why didn’t you give Msikeleli this ring when he
asked Xoli to marry him? Uye iNkosana after all?
She sighs
Her: I should have known you’d ask. Always out for justice.
Me: I’m not judging or questioning your aurthority, I’m just
curious to know
Her: I understand mfana wamm. But if I may put you to some
ease, MaKhumalo is the chosen one not Xoli. You all are a little
young to understand, but now that Zesizwe is here, it will all
reveal itself. You will see what I speak of
Me: but mamah, you have said soo much yet you’ve said nothing
at all
Her: as I’ve said, trust my wisdom. Your mother wants this for
Zesizwe more than anything. That girl will raise this family, she
will build your fathers home and you will see in her strength
and resilience why she is the chosen one. You will understand
some day
Me: kulungile ngyezwa. What you have said to me is a load and I
don’t quite know how to break it down to myself yet, I wonder
how I will explain all this to her
Her: don’t explain anything to her. Just keep being good to her
and supportive. She will change your life cause she is humble
and pure. Her honestly and openness are what any family
needs. I pity the guy who decided to let her slip, and I pity
anyone who ever tries to stand in her way. The rage in her
stance and her command would humble kings
Me: mamah how do you know all this?
Her: I told you I’m an old woman, I know these things. Have I not
been around before you were even thought to be conceived?
Me: you have, but..
Her: but othing. Mother knows best. Everything will start
revealing itself Sabelo (she squints her eyes) everything that’s
meant to be broken and shattered, shaken and removed and
added from this family will start trembling now that she’s here,
all truths and lies will be as broad as daylight now. Let whatever
needs to be shaken off fall off so that you’re all left with what’s
true and what’s valuable, so you know who’s really around you

95
for the best and not for what you have. Then I know for sure
that if I die, you are all safe
Me: don’t speak of death, nobody is dying
Her: our ancestors have kept me for y’all, and they willl keep me
for as long as you all still need me, but now that MaKhumalo is
here, I might not be needed for long
Me: are you saying that me being with her, I risk loosing you?
(this is getting rather scary)
Mer: I’m saying..
Me: that means I have to choose between you and her (I’m
actually panicking)
Her: no. listen to me. You can never outrun your destiny
Mfanawamm. That young lady will grow into a woman with you
and you will become a full man with her. You willl realize how
much of a king you are. She is your destiny. This is why you
guys met. oNdabezzitha chose you for each other and you can
never outrun her. I’m not going anywhere until this family is
sifted in that form
Me: isn’t that a little too much pressure for her? Y’all are
putting too much pressure on her and I don’t know how I feel
about that
Her: you don’t have to know how you feel about that mfana
wamm. It is not your business to feel anything about it. That’s
the thing about the nature of y’alls relationship, It’s her destiny.
She can withstand it all. All that’s thrown at her she can
withstand and even effortlessly so because it is her piece. It’s
her life.
Me: ai
Her: she will uprupt things, question things and she needs you
to be strong. You need to man up and be with her. Be a man of
your word, lead her. Be strong. You will be of no use to her if you
are a weak man because her personality is big. Her destiny is big
and her purpose is even bigger. What do you think ZESIZWE
means? Her people named her this because they could see it in
her strength that she is strong and for the nation. Don’t tell me
you just thought it meant IZINTOMBI ZESIZWE. Her name has a
meaning and she will follow it.
Me: why are you speaking like this? You’re scaring me

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Her: it’s some of the things Phumlile asked me to tell you.
Prepare yourself. Your one true love has come. Be that even to
her
Me: I’ll do all I can to see to it I promise. Starting now. I need to
go see her. I’ve missed her.
Her: I was about to chase you off myself. (we both laugh)
She walks me out and gives me a hug. “ you’re fortunate such
love and destiny found you at such a young age Sabelo. Some
people married wrong. Your brother married soo wrong and I
can’t help him till he sees it himself”
Me: uthini manje?
Her: drive safe my son. We will talk some other time. I love you.
I get in my car, shocked and confused and i drive straight to
Shellhouse, worried and confused. But for now, that doesn’t
matter. Zesizwe Khumalo is my future, that’s all that matters
right now.

Zesizwe
It’s 2 and Sabelo didn’t come for lunch. Kshuthi he was really
busy. That guy works too hard I won’t call him cause I’ll disturb
him. I finished preparing for my day tomorrow and so now I’m
just lazying around the office helping people who actually have
work. My phone rings. uSabelo
Me: Sabelo
Him: Themba lami, uyaphila
Themba lami?? That’s new.
Me: ngyaphila unjan?
Him: ngyaphila. I’ve just entered town, please come outside in a
few. I want to see you
Me: my lunch is over Sabelo
Him: I know baby please
That “baby please” is enough to make me wanna quit my job so
whats bunking gonna do?
Me: ohk, ill go tell my mentor I’m finishing off early. I’ll see you
soon
Ndu: “ see you soon” where?
Me: okahle wena
Sabelo: which one is that?
Me: Ndu

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Ndu: ooh you’re leaving now? What about us? How will I survive
in this office without you the rest of the day (in her infamous
Nigerian accent)
Me: I’m sorry-oo
Sabelo: guys stop it (he’s dying of laughter himself, yet he’s
telling us to stop)
Me: I’ll see you now now. Let me clean up my working station.

I cleaned up and a few minutes later, he calls me and tells me

he’s outside. Nondu walks me out. I appear at the door and hes
pulled over right outside. Standing on the passenger side
looking like hes deep in thought. This must be the most serious
I’ve seen him since we met. This worried me honestly. We
approach him and his eyes look heavy, a little red and this
worries me.
Ndu: Saaawboona Sabeeelo (shes hyped up)
Him: sawbona Nduu. (They greet each other and my head is just
all over the place because I can see he’s not ohk)
He turns to me
Him: Sawbona Sizwe (his face softens and he hugs me. He held
me soo tight he leaves me wondering. Ndu leaves quietly, I
figure she sees the intensity of this moment between us. Sabelo
gets my door and also comes in. today he’s driving the Mercedes
A45. He’s got so many cars that he doesn’t use some.

Me: are you ohk? You’re scaring me

Him: Zesizwe ngyakuthanda. I need you to know ngyakutha…
Me: no. no don’t do it. I’m not ready for that. What about my
heart?
Right now I’m panicking hard. I feel my breath leave me
Him: don’t what?
Me: don’t do it. What about my heart? I’m not ready (tears build
up in my eyes and he panics aswel. He’s concerned and
confused)
He gets out the car and runs to my side and opens the door and
kneels near the seat. That time I’m battling to breathe
Him: what’s happening? Why are you crying?
Me: my ex did the same thing when he was ready to dump me.
He said he loved me very much but he dumped me in the same
breath. (my tears flow. I’m thinking of history repeating itself

98
and I get another mild panic attack. He just pulls me to him. He
holds me
Him: shhh that’s not what I’m doing. I’m not gonna end things
with you. MaKhumalo do you not see how much you mean to
me? I would never leave you. I love you too much to let you go.
I’m not going anywhere. I told you I made up my mind about you
the day I first met you. I’m not your past. I’d never do anything
to hurt you and I’m certainly not going anywhere. Zesizwe
ngyak’thanda mina.
He says this patting and rubbing my back.
Me: i.. i.. I ca.. (I’m not breathing well. I can’t breathe..)
Him: Sthandwa samm don’t do this (he’s concerned), I’m here.
Shhhh
I breathe a few minutes later I feel better. Something about his
arms and the concern in his voice puts me at ease. Once again,
I’m breathing. People are walking past and he doesn’t even pay
attention to that.
Me: let’s go (sniffs), people are looking at us
Him: I couldn’t care less about who’s looking at us
He wipes my tears. He’s got a frown on his face. He’s sad..

Sabelo
Seeing her breakdown like this broke my heart to a million
pieces, especially after what aunt Phumzile told me today. This
explains why she never expresses her love. I know now that she
loves me because of her reaction. This whole time I was
concerned about her not being able to tell me she loves me when
this whole time she’s just been scared because she thought I’d
just leave her. This just breaks my heart. A part of me is a little
happy though because now I know she loves me but the other
part of me is sad that she now holds back because of fear. I’m
scared because I don’t know how deep this scar goes.
Me: what happened?
Her: I don’t follow? (she sniffs)
Me: you need to tell me what happened… with your ex
Her: it’s not important.
Me: did you see your reaction a few minutes ago? It can’t be
nothing
Her: it’s nothing

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Me: Zesizwe stop being difficult and talk to me. Do you realize
you’ve never said you love me too when I say I love you because
you don’t hear me (my voice is firm and this shocks her a little)
Her: please stop confusing me
She’s hearing me she’s just being defensive. She knows exactly
what I’m saying and because I want her to talk, I will explain
very patiently
Me: Sizwe samm… (I sigh) whenever I say I love you, your
response is always “thank you”. This is not because you don’t
love me, your mini panic attack means you love me. You love me
a lot, you’re scared to loose me as I am to loose you, but I’d never
have known had you not misunderstood me into thinking you’re
loosing me. The reason you have such a hard shell is because
you’re not hearing me and you’re not hearing me because
everytime I make a sweet expression your brain triggers the
thought that I’m dumping you next because your ex started of
the sentence well and ended it with letting you go.
Her: I’m sorry (her eyes water up)
Me: don’t be sorry sthandwa samm. You did nothing wrong. .
Talk to me. Please MaKhumalo (I’m pleading with her)
Her: what would you like to know? (she’s softening up)
Me: everything
She tells me everything. Everything. From how they met to how
he ended things. How he had begged her to let her guard down
only to attack when she was defenseless. Now I understand and
so from here we need to figure a way to help her. See the thing
about people like her, always there for people, always making
sure others are ohk, always the loud mouths who are always
laughing and singing or humming a tune, nobody ever knows
when they’re hurting. Nobody ever knows when they’re
suffocating and need a hand to hold on to because they appear
like they’re on top of the world. I will not let happen to my
Zesizwe. Anybody but her. My favourite thing about this story is
that she didn’t cry. This means she doesn’t love him anymore
it’s just that her brain has developed a defense mechanism
because of past hurt. Not my Zesizwe.
Me: I love you. You’re still my heart. I need you to trust me. I
know you’ve heard these words before but please trust me one
more time and you’ll never live to trust another. MaKhumalo

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you’ll never be in a new relationship. I’m the last one you’ll have
cause in just 6 months you’ve become my life. I love you.
Her: I don’t doubt you love me. You keep proving it everyday.
The problem is me, it’s like I have this rock in my chest and I
can’t move it. It’s not that I don’t wanna love you, I don’t know
how (she’s sad and looking rather confused by what she just
said. It’s like she wants to cry) I swear I’ve tried, I don’t know
how

Me:Baby please don’t hold back on me. Tell me you miss me. Tell
me that you stayed up late cause you couldn’t stop thinking
about me, about us. Tell me about your dreams you have with
me. Tell me about the way I make you happy. Don’t pretend to
have no feelings. Love is not a weakness, and if it is, lets both be
weak. Baby I promise I won’t use it against you

Her eyes soften. They get teary. For the first time since we met,
she hears me. She actually hears me. I knew she was a sucker
for romantic stuff when she walked up smith street with lilies
and a smile on her face, or everytime we watch romantic movies
and a scene she finds sweet comes on she’s about the life of
“ncoooos and aaaaah”. I was just wondering why she got cold at
times but today I know and today I’ve confirmed she hears me.

Her: today I give you my heart Sabelo, all of it as raw as it is.

Please don’t break it. Don’t hurt me (she sniffs). Like, I know it
won’t always be roses and ferreros but I need to know I can
trust you enough to still be there, I need to know that through it
all we’ll find our way back to each other and not lose each other
in the cracks (she looks tired and sad too)
Me: you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say
this. I’ll never hurt you. You have my word Sthandwa samm. I
promise.
The relief in my heart is evident. I hold her in total silence. I
need her to hear the beat of my heart and maybe she’ll know
that it beats for her.
Me: ice cream?
Her: pleaaaase (she says it with a smile like a little baby. I know
getting over this may take a while but once again my world
balances. My world is alright)

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Zesizwe
I feel like a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders. I may
not be 100 % yet but I’m better than I was a while ago. His
accuracy in his assumptions earlier was appaulling. He loves me
and for the first time in 7 months I believe him and have the
willingness to tell him I love him too.
Him: mcFlurry?
Me: no. starbucks frappeccino
Him: baby that’s in gateway and I’d have to bring you back to
Musgrave
Me: we have a starbucks in Florida road
Him: ai ohk.
Me: you can take me to Musgrave to get some fresh clothes and
stay over at your place. We can g.. (I’m not even paying
attention I’m just blabbing)
Him: baby stay over? You wanna stay over at my place? (he’s
surprised)
Me: is there a problem with that?
Him: no not at all. You’re not gonna say you’re joking right?
(he’s excited. He’s happy actually)
Me: no I won’t say I’m joking. As long as you’ll make sure I’m at
work tomorrow at 07h30/8
Him: sthandwa samm ubala lolo (he’s excited like a kid at the
candy store.)
I undertsnd why he’s this way though. I’ve been refusing to go to
his place cause I’ve always felt like it will only lead to sex and I
was’nt ready for that. I felt like I wasn’t ready for sex with
someone I was scared might wake up one morning and decided
he doesn’t want me anymore. He’s driving towards the freeway
to Durban North and not my flat
Me: aibo bhabha I need clothes
Him: bhabha? (he smiles). You just called me bhabha. Can you
just tell me why you waited close to 7 months for us to have this
conversation? Ngabe kade saylungisa lendaba and we would
have addressed your fears a long time ago sthandwa sami
Me: aibow it’s clothes and toileteries I need and you’re driving
away from Durban Central
Him: baby what’s my name?

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Me: Sabelo Mbatha (I roll my eyes)
Him: exactly. I got you.
Me: I’m not buying new clothes. You better get that
Him: ai MaKhumalo ave uyungoqo (he’s laughing)
We drive singing to some of his Maskandi music today. Well
Shabalala rhythym cause ever since he heard me sing along a
song that was playing at a music store a while ago he went and
bought a few CDs by Shabalala. We get to gateway and I get
starbucks and a muffin, he gets coffee and a sandwich. We were
just talking nje when a rather beautiful lady recognized him and
came to him.
Her: Sabelo san’bona (she smiles strangely wide
Him: Yonella unjan (he smiles and gets up to hug her
Her: ngyaphila ninjan
Him: syaphila. Yonella meet Zesizwe, my future. Zesizwe
uYonella lo she’s Sandiles fiancé. Uye lo esiya kumembeso
wakhe in 2 months
Me: it’s a pleasure to meet you and congratulations on your
engagement
Her: it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard soo much
about you I can’t wait to get to know you better. You’re coming
to the braai this weekend right?
Sabelo: ooh I hadn’t told her about that. Baby we have a braai
next week kaSandile. It was actually his idea that we go over so
they all get to meet you
Me: oh. (I wasn’t ready for that but I guess I’ll have to do it
because it’s been 7 months and I have been avoiding meeting his
friends and brothers.) I guess I’ll be seeing you then mah (I give
her a warm smile and she returns it. She’s nice, I think we might
just get along.)
Her: I can’t wait. I have to go guys Sandile will have a fit if I
arrive 5 minutes late. Sabelo call my husband, he said
something about the office this morning. Zesizwe we should do
lunch one of these days
Me: sure. We’ll talk.
She walks away and Sabelo and I leave for Ballito.
Me: why didn’t you tip me off about the braai?
Him: I was still gonna. I forgot to mention it earlier cause we got
into some serious conversation and a braai was just out of
context

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Me: ohk coolo.
Him: my brothers and their partners will be there aswel. That’s
a heads up.
Me: are they like you?
Him: sthandwa samm there’s only one me (he smirks)
Me: you know what I mean
Him: we’re similar but different. My big brother is still deep Zulu
but modern cause he buys flowers and does the candle light
dinners, my sisters are just girls nje and my small brother isn’t
as deep in traditional things but he believes in them. We balance
Me: where will I fit there? (I’m panicking)
Him: you’ll fit in me. I have you covered. You needn’t worry
about people, you’re here for me not them. They’ll love you
Me: what if they don’t?
Him: then I’ll still love you more. It’s only my love that matters.
All else is a bonus
“ok” I say really softly. See I may not be panicking anymore but
we all know how guys are. If his friends or siblings, especially
brothers don’t approve of his lady that usually puts him on the
firing line cause he either chooses her or his people and I don’t
know how I’d feel if he chose me and disowned or wrote off his
people because of me.
Ohk, a little about his siblings:
Sabelo has 2 sisters and 3 brothers. The restaurant he took me
to in Ballito is owned by his sisters (Liziwe and Sphiwesihle).
One of the many things they do is cook and fashion. They’re
doing well at that. Sabelo and his eldest brother (Msikeleli) have
a construction company and the celebratory dinner was for a
mall that their company will be building in Mpumalanga.
They’re pretty big shots in the construction industry. They’ve
built schools, stadiums, malls, roads, halls, hospitals, dams you
name it and they’ve done it. They’re also into the buy fix and sell
of property. They’re just gurus in the industry and they’re
quantity surveyors. The youngest brother (Nzuzo) is 25. He’s a
medical DR. he started working last year and he’s doing well for
himself. They all are. One brother, Mncedisi, they lost to cancer.

Anyways we get to Zimbali, Forestwood where this fucker I call

a boyfriend lives. I have no words to express what I see when I
look at his house. It’s full glass and has some wooden finishes.

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With potplants and incredible lighting. He has 4 garages and a
pretty long open driveway and a kitchen the size of my whole
house at home. The floors are marble and so are his countertops
in the kitchen. There’s a big kitchen and a mini kitchen right
next to it with a dishwasher, a washing machine a dryer and
some cupboards. His cupboards have no handles with a double
door fridge and spiraling stairs. It’s 5 ensuite bedrooms, a study,
gym area, cinema centre, indoor Jacuzzi, patio, a music room
with just a piano and guitars and other music instruments, a
cellar the basement and and, you get the picture. The main
bedroom has a bed the size of my whole bedroom and a wall
paper like headboard, there’s a closet with space for him and
“her”. His side of the closet has shoe space, and a glass space
where he keeps his watches and might I add it looks like a
jewelery shop. I should tell you that he has a section with
traditional attire including shoes and accessories. On “her” side
there’s a row of clothing which include casual and formal wear,
shoes, some watches and some accessories.
I walk out the closet and find him just sitting on the couch in the
bedroom
me: your house is absolutely breathtaking. It’s beautiful
he looks at me in disblief, like he was expecting something else
him: thank you. I’m glad you like it
me: it’s huuuuuuuge. What were you thinking buying such a big
house and living alone
him: I plan ahead. I knew you were coming. I wanted you to be
comfortable
me: huh?
Him: I knew I’d one day have a wife and children. I wanted to be
prepared aand my siblings and family visit me every now and
again so they had to have space when they’re here
Ohk. He’s close to his family (his mothers side that is). But ke I
established this a while ago because he talks highly of them and
speaks a lot about them.
Me: oh I see. Another thing, I see a womans clothes in your
closet
Him: they belong to my ex. Never really had the time to pack
them away (he says this paying no attention to me)
Me: and you don’t have a helper who could have done that? (I’m
actually annoyed)

105
Him: I do. I wanted to be the one to take them out. Just to make
sure I’ve completely healed.
Me: and you thought it’s best you bring me here without having
cleared them?
Him: I didn’t think. I’m sorry.
Me: ohk.
I get off the couch and walk towards the door. I need some air.
This is one thing I can’t do
Him: ai ai Sthandwa samm ngyadlala. Aibow ngyadlala the
clothes are yours. I’ve been buying them over the months for
the time when you come home even unannounced
ungahlupheki. Aibow ngyadlala. (he’s laughing. But I don’t see
what’s funny)
Me: you’re not funny. Really
Him: I’m sorry babe. It’s nice to know you’re a little jealous
Me: didn’t you get enough of that earlier today? (I say so and
walk out the room to the lounge. I need him to taste his own
medicine a little. I’m just pulling his leg but he doesn’t need to
know that..)
He reaches me at the stairs and grabs my arm
Him: baby I’m sorry I was really joking
Me: well your joke wasn’t funny. Now please leave me alone
He is still grabbing onto my hand
Him: aw babe (he’s aged a million years again because he
doesn’t know what to expect)
Me: do you realize that I won’t even be able to enjoy the clothes
anymore because of your silly jokes?
Him: awu ngeke ngiphinde ngyaxolisa. Ngempela
I look at him and realize how stupid that was
Me: move I wanna go see my clothes..
he let’s go of me and I walk back up and to the closet. The
clothes there are life. I thought he was a farm boy so I don’t
know where he gets such taste. There are 3 more loubotins, 4
prada handbags and a sling, a Gucci tracksuit, Loius Vuitton
bags and clothes, micheal kors, steve madden aldo, channel you
name it and its here. There are sneakers and takkies and
sandles all brands. It’s like a brand shop honestly and they’re
beautiful. He’s gone all out and I’m in awe.
I turn and look at him and he’s standing behind me leaning on
the door frame. Such handsomness.

106
Me: how much did you spend on all these clothes Sabelo?
Him: so you like it?
Me: I love it but it seems lik..
Him: That’s all that matters, you like it, don’t worry about the
rest
(I run to him and jump on him for a hug)
He holds me and spins me around. This fucker just bought me
my lifetimes worth of clothes and the closet is not even half full.
Infact it’s close to empty compared to it’s size
Him: so I did good?
Me: you did perfect. I love everything here. Everything.
Ngyabonga.
I’m beaming right now. See I know there’s a possibility that he
didn’t choose these clothes, there’s a chance that he paid
someone to do it or Yonella helped him but I don’t care about
that. It’s the thought that counts for me really. The very fact
that he has pieces of me in clothing in his house for me is
enough. It’s life.
Him: go freshen up so we can go have dinner and you can sleep
cause there’s work ksasa
Me: ngihalela amasi
Him: you’re not serious? You’re serious right (he’s smiling)
Me: I’ll be downstairs if you need me.
He comes with me and I make uphuthu while we watch tv. His
TV is some projector kind and it’s huge. The phuthu looks great
and he looks pleased with it. He cools it while I go upstairs to
shower. I’m out in about 20 minutes and can’t find pyjamas. I
grab my phone and call him. I can’t scream from here.
Him: maKhumalo (he sounds like he’s running)
Me: why do you sound like you’re running? You at the…
The door to the room swings open
Me: and then? Why are you here looking all flushed la
Him: you ohk. I thought maybe you slipped and fell and couldn’t
move and so you called me, so I ran up here to make sure you’re
ohk (I melt)
Me: no babe, I found my undies but I can’t find my jammies so I
called you to ask if you bought them or will lend me yours
He’s relieved, his faces is written “relief)
Him: oh they’re right near your casual shorts.

107
He pulls out a long Calvin klein linen like pants and a CK vest
aswel.
Him: I’ll be downstairs. Be quick I wanna eat. I’ve been staring
at maas for too long now
Me: why haven’t you eaten
He looks at me like I’ve said the dumbest thing ever
Him: don’t be silly. How could I eat without you there? I’ll wait
for you.
Me: ohk ngyeza.
He leaves the room and I finish getting dressed and put on some
slippers and go down stairs. I say grace and we eat. Ai amnandi
amasi.
We finish eating and I do the dishes. He wipes and packs them
then we cuddle eLounge and watch tv. I rememeber
Me: can I borrow your laptop
Him: awuu we’re chilling soo nicely and you wanna work
Me: I have 2 emails I need to respond to.
He gets his laptop and I respond to these emails and put the
laptop on the coffee table and cuddle again. He keeps teasing me
and kissing my forehead or my nose or pulls my ears with his
lips till he gets my attention. I turn to look at him
Me: what do you want? (I say this in a low voice)
Him: this..
He kisses me and I kiss him back. It was magical. See I’ve kissed
him a million times before but today, it’s different. Today it’s
most passionate. We go on a few minutes and his hands are just
resting on my back and one on my cheeks. We pull apart and his
lips curve into a mini smile
Him: that was honest
Me: it was magic
His phone rings and he picks up almost immediately
Him: bafo… yah ngsedladleni… ai umuntu onjan ovakasha
ebsuku (he laughs).. muphi umnyango?... Nzuzo uythathephi
remote yomuzi wamm… ngeke ukbone loko wena mbuzi… I’m
your big brother you’ll always be Mbuzi la kimi… ohk give me a
second.
He drops the call
Him: my brother is here. He says he needs to talk to me about
something. It’s probably one of his girlfriends
Me: what do you mean “one of”

108
Him: he’s had a few since last year. Pretty unlucky in love
Me: ohk cool. I’ll give you guys some space
I say this as I get up to leave the lounge
Him: no that is not what I said.
As we’re stlll talking the door opens and the brother walks in.
he’s wearing sneakers, knee high shorts and a powder blue
golfer
Nzuzo: Sho Bafo
Sabelo: ya wena nkawu
N: ai kombe awdlulisi. Sawbona Sisi
S: Zesizwe. Her name is Zesizwe Khumalo
N: Zesizwe,( his eyes pop and he smiles after a few seconds)
unjan? (he reaches for a handshake, I go for a hug and he hugs
me back)
Me: sawbona Nzuzo. Ngyaphila unjan.
Him: ngyaphila. You have a beautiful name ntombi Zesizwe. It’s
nice to FINAAALLLY meet you
Me: ngyabonga (I smile)
Him: you’re beautiful too. Syabonga wamenza umuntu ubafo
S: Khuzeka ndoda. Khuzeka
We all laugh. 1 minute in and I know this guy is forward. In a
nice way though not the annoying forward
N: it smells like food in here. Like you actually used this stove.
Uban ophekile?
S: ai akfuni wena loko awzele loko
N: I wanna make sure it wasn’t you cause I won’t eat makuwena
ngzodla makpheke uSizwe
S: this is why you wont eat. She’s not your cook la and you don’t
get to call her Sizwe. I’m the only one who calls her Sizwe. You
don’t call her Sizwe.
I thought he was kidding. I realize that he’s serious cause a few
seconds after saying this he is still not laughing or even smiling.
N: awu bafo kahle I didn’t know phela.
I have to do something
Me: Nzuzo khona uphuthu ebhodweni we ate maas (I smile and
he smiles right back)
N: ngawagcina nini Nkosi.
He gets up to prepare his maas and leaves me here with Sabelo
Me: and then? (I’m confused)

109
Him: ai, he can’t be calling you Sizwe. Atleast not yet. He knows
this
Me: what’s wrong with calling me Sizwe
Him: ai efika nje useyakuteketisa? Respect.
I’m just shooketh.
Me: ai ohk.
He pulls me closer to cuddle me. I sit between his legs with his
arms around me and a fleece.
Him: you comfortable?
Me: yeah. I’m alright.
We watch some TV and his brother comes back
Him: this is really nice ngyabonga Zesizwe
Me: you’re welcome (I yawn) sorry
S: you’re tired
Me: I’m thinking of calling it a night now. I got work tomorrow
S: you gonna sleep now?
Me: it’s already past 8 and I got work tomorrow and i need to
give you guys some room
S: if we needed room we would have gone to the study sthandwa
Me: ohk babe thank you but I need my bed.
S: I like that. My bed. I like it
I laugh
Me: that was a mistake you know it
I pinch his nose as I get up. The whole time his brother is looking
at us and smiling. He won’t say anything though cause I’ve
established there’s some respect happening here
Nzuzo: ooh guys y’all are giving me hope. Y’all really cute
S: ai wena. What’s cute?
N: ya’ll. (we laugh. I turn to Nzuzo and
Me: it was a pleasure meeting you.
N: I’ve been hearing soo much about you, the pleasure is all
mine. And confession, I came all the way just to see you
Me: oh well, that’s humbling ngyabonga. See you soon.
I turn to Sabelo and he has a smile plastered on his face.
Him: you’re really gonna leave me with this monkey and go to
bed
me: well this monkey is your brother.. (we laugh) goodnight
babe
Him: please don’t fall asleep without me. I’ll chase this monkey
out

110
Me: I’ll try.
He gets up and hugs me “goodnight babe” then we pull apart and
he kisses me about 3 seconds. “I’m right behind you” he says as I
walk away.
I assume his brother was staring at me from behind because I
heard
S: ai wena khuzeka that’s my woman…
I didn’t wait around to hear the response. I walk towards the
bedroom door then I remember something. I go back downstairs
and Sabelo gets up to meet me as I enter the room
Me: I’m ohk. I need water and some juice (I signal him to sit
down and he obliges)
I get bottled water and a glass of mango juice. As I walk past I
turn to Sabelo and go on my knees infront of him and he looks at
me like he’s seen a ghost.
Him: Zesizwe?
I put my finger on my forehead and the idiot is still looking at
me
Him: babe you ohk?
Again I tap my forehead and he figures it out this time. he smiles
and places a tender kiss on my forehead. My lips curve into a
smile too.
Me: thank you. Now goodnight.
I get up and leave him smiling and in disbelief. I have my juice
while on the laptop drafting some things for my seminar next
week then brushed my teeth and went on my knees and prayed.
I was praying and said my amen after about 10 minutes. When I
open my eyes Sabelo was at the far end of the bed on his knees
too. I literally screamed from shock and he was just there
smiling
Him: relax it’s just me. Uyigwala Sthandwa
Me: I didn’t hear you come in
Him: I came to get something for my brother and found you
praying so I stayed with you.
Me: did you also pray?
Him: just with my heart. Let me tuck you in
Me: aren’t you coming back to bed
Him: I am, I’m gonna walk this monkey out and come back
Me: ohk.

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He walks to me and opens the covers for me then gets me in the
covers. Kisses me on my forehead again
Him: I love you Zesizwe. Ngyakuthanda.
Me: I know you do. Now go away, your brother is waiting.
He walks out the room and I tried waiting till I slept.

He was gone for a while and he came back to me sleeping. I

heard him come in but I was too far into my sleep. He pulled me
to his chest and we slept. His arms were warm and comfortable.
They were home to me. I kept feeling his kisses on my forehead
through the night and I felt him holding me tighter at times but
he was also sleeping. It was indeed a peaceful sleep.
Next morning he woke me up with soft pecka all over my face at
around 05h30.
Me: hmm goodmorning
Him: hii beautiful, you slept well?
Me: like a baby. I don’t even remember moving
Him: you really are quite the sleeper. It was lovely watching you
sleep
Me: ai wena, you didn’t sleep, busy monitoring how I look in my
sleep (I nudge him)
He laughs as he places another kiss on my head)
Him: no (he sighs) I wasn’t monitoring you, I was just watching
you. Theres a difference
We both laugh because he knows just how stupid that sounds
Me: silly monkey
Him: no no Nzuzo is the monkey,
Me: and you’re the silly monkey (we both laugh) what does your
day look like today?
Him: you’re a mind reader, I was about to ask you the same. Im
meeting Clark with the execs to discuss a mall they want to
build. They’re giving us the contract and so we’re gonna talk
about the way forward.
Me: baby that’s really a big project. Congratulations love
Him: it’s a pretty big deal, kodwa we’ll pull it through. Thanks
sthandwa. What about you?
Me: I have a presentation today. That is the main thing today.
Him: then you can come home so we can just watch movies and
eat all day?
We laugh.

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Me: I have a boss sir. I never just do.
Him: I know love. I just wish I could sit like this all day with you
in my arms like this
Me: me too but a lady gotta pay bills
Him: what if her man can? (then there was silence soo bad you
could hear a pin drop)
Me: ai. She still gotta handle hers
Him: hm. We’ll see
Me: we won’t. We already know.
Him: hm. Inkani. (he pats my shoulders) wake up. You gotta get
ready
Me: give me 5 more minutes to hibernate
Him: you don’t have that much of time
Me: I have it all with you. Everything.
He smiles and lets me rest on his chest just about 10 minutes.

I was tired but I had to go to work because I had a presentation

with our departments deputy head in attendance. So I couldn’t
miss work.
Me: goodmorning bhabha
Him: Go get ready I’ll make you breakfast
Me: I don’t eat in the morning, I can’t get anything through.
He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind
Him: what do you mean you don’t eat? How do you survive
ungadlile aibow? Do you know that..
Me… breakfast is the most important meal of the day, yeaaah I
know
Him: then you’re going to eat. Something light maybe, but you’re
gonna eat
I look at him sarcastically and head to the bathroom. I
remember the clothes I have and I get excited all over again. I
get to the closet and take my black pointy toe louboutins, a black
Steve Madden pencil dress and a black coat with a red inside to
match the soul of my shoes. I did my eyebrows and put on my
stud earings and red lipstick. I swap bags to the red prada bag I
found in the closet and I head downstairs. The moment I appear
walking down the stairs Sabelos jawdropped and he’s just
looking at me as if he just saw Gabriel the angel I swear
Me: didn’t your momma ever teach you it’s rude to stare (I
laugh)

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Him: she did, but she never said anything about me not staring
at the woman who holds my heart..
Again I melt
Me: you’re too much of a smooth talker. (I chuckle)
He serves me a cheese filled omelette a slice of toast and orange
juice. We both eat up and I get up to do the dishes
Him: baby I got those don’t worry about it
Me: but you made breakfast
Him: and I’ll make dinner too. There’s noway you doing the
dishes looking like this.
He takes my hand and we head out to the garage. He takes the
keys to the Mercedes c300
Him: an elegant car, for my elegant woman.
He gets my door and we leave. We get to work at 8ish because of
traffic.
Me: thank you baba, I’ll see you when I do
Him: I’ll come get you after work so you’ll see me after work or
maybe during lunch if I can’t stay away.
Me: you’re an idiot. Come get my door before I open it myself
I lean for a kiss and he doesn’t hesistate. After that he gets off
and gets my door. He hugs me and gives me a baby kiss again.
He then opens the boot and gets my handbag and my lunch bag.
Hands it to me and kisses my forehead
Him: have a good day Themba lami
Me: have one aswel handsome as yourself baba
He smiles to his ears. This fucker is really a farm boy in a suit.
He melts everytime I call him baba. He can’t even help or hide
the fact that it makes him weak. I could get away with murder
for calling him that. I get in the building then only does he enter
the car. But he still doesn’t drive off. My phone beeps as I reach
the lift. It’s a message from him ”wamuhle Thembalamm. Yeey
wamuhle kwathi angithi hlala phansi ekhaya ngikbuke
eynhlamvini zamehlo. Have a good day and you nail that
presentation. I love you MaKhumalo.”
I melt cause not only do I feel good but he makes it sound soo
sexy with his black mambazo sizulu.

”ngyabonga Sontshikazi wamm. You chose my wardrobe soo

well and I was happier you got my size right. I’ll see you later

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and thank you. Have a day as beautiful as I am today.. I
already miss you.”

The minute I get in the office I get all sorts of looks. Some adore
me from a distance and well my girls will be straight
Ndu: weGhel. Aibow we Ghel. What must we do when you’re
outchea looking all flames?
Me: I have a presentation today remember? (I say dismissively
so)
Her: cha, I’m talking about the outfit, girl you’re flames. Ooooh
look at those shoes. Let me see
I take one off and she literally screams. Now everybody gathers
around to see what she’s screaming about
Her: is this what I think it is?
Me: what do you think it is Ndu give me my shoe
Her: oe umKrestu lo??
Me: yes in the leather (now the whole office is screaming over
my shoe)
Thabsile: babes you’re an intern. How you afford Christian??
Ndu: usabuza? (she’s soo excited)
Everyone: whoooo? (They’re all curious)
Ndu: uSabelo bo ghel. Get on with the leyvels. Her BF does the
most I’m telling you
Enhle: Zesizwe is your handbag… is your handbag Prada?
Me: guys stop
Enhle: guys it’s prada. Ooooh Jesus it’s prada. Does he have a
brother?
Me: 2
Her: I want I want
I laugh
Thembi: she’ll only laugh she’ll never give you a guy with such
wealth. Why would she give you and not her friends??
Ndu: because her friends are in stable relationships perhaps
(she’s annoyed)
Me: enough guys I need to prep for my presentation
They’re still not leaving and adoring my clothes and and and.
Before I know it its 09h30 and time for the presentation. I do my
piece and I nail it as expected. By 12h30 I’m at the office
minding my business when I get a call from reception. I knew it

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was him so I called Thabsile and Ndu to accompany me and
Enhle followed cause well she was still interested to know how I
scored a “big fish”.
We get there and he’s just there carrying a Tashas paperbag and
a bunch of red roses. Maybe 2 dozens
Me: babe?
Him: sthandwa samm, (he shows of his smile before realizing
I’m with the ladies and he looks to them) san’bona
Then: yebo sawbona
Him: ninjan Nduh?
Her: syaphila unjan wena, (she’s smiling because she didn’t
think he’d remember her. She thought that night at panorama
was just about me)
Him: ngyaphila nami (he smiles then he looks back at me) I
remembered on the way to Ballito that in your lunchbag I put
too much fat and so I decided to bring you a proper lunch
Me: bhabha don’t lie. Shame the devil (we laugh and he
chuckles)
Him: ohk ohk maybe I just missed you a little bit and thought
what better way then to bring you lunch
Me: and my favourite flowers (I smile as I smell them from his
arms)
Him: and your favourite flowers (he’s smiling as he says my
statement right back at me. He is blushing). How did it go?
Me: it was awesome. It went soo well thanks love
Him: that’s my girl, that’s all I wanted to be sure of. I have to go,
I’m late for a meeting with a very important client
Me: the mall?
Him: yup.
Me: then why did you come? You could have picked me up after
work nje baba
Him: ai he can wait. I wanted to make sure the presentation
went well and that you’re well. Now I’ll work better knowing you
are fine here
Me: thanks babe. where are ya’ll meeting?
Him: ballito. If the meeting runs late I’ll get Musa to pick you up
and no you won’t take uber or a taxi. If I can’t come Musa will. I
love you.
He hands me my flowers and the paper bag

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Him: ladies (he nods in acknowledgement, then he turns to me)
see you later Beautiful (then gives me a baby kiss and walks for
the door, then he remembers)
Him: oh and Musa will be taking you to Ballito and not your flat.
I love you. I’ll see you soon.
He leaves. See I know the reason he said that at the door was
because he didn’t want me disputing and Enhle was having a fit.
Her: where did you find him?
Me: he found me
Her: where?
Me: pearls of Umhlanga.
Nondu sits her down and briefs her the whole story while I put
my flowers in a vase
Enhle: you’re fucking lucky. Fucking lucky. I want his brother
Ndu: youngest 25 and a DR the other 30 something and a
construction tycoon
Me: yeeh nina stop
Enhle: from today onwards I’m befriending you, I want one of
them
Me: aike you can’t be my friend cause it’s not me you want it’s
one of them (we all laugh and head back to our workstations)
Enhle: so he bought you all these and the prada. Ooh God
Ndu: is this all he bought you? This is worth a whole years
stipend (we all laugh and I try to ignore them)
Enhle: answer bo
Me: no it’s not
Ndu: there’s more neh. You’re outchea living-ooo
Me: he bought me a whole wardrobe guys. Handbags, watches,
formal and casual wear everything even jammies and slippers. I
have a section nje in his closet from prada to Gucci to LV and
MK you name it and it’s there. I don’t know what he was
thinking. Guys even underwear
Enhle: you can’t be serious (she’s really shocked. Just like I am
too cause now that I think of it, it dawns to me too)
Ndu: oh trust me she is. He once booked us a whole hotel
penthouse just because he did’nt want her drive home tipsy or
be driven by a drive buddy drunk (she’s excited like fuck and
she’s literally lighting up kwayena)uneskhwele uswayini
Enhle: ai ngyamfuna ngeke, give me one of them ngeke
Me: let me think about it (we laugh)

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See I may be laughing but im not about to hook anyone up,
especially not Enhle. Shes always been into older and successful
men. Im not about to sellout people I don’t know myself to
someone I know is a lover of things when I don’t know the kinds
of girls theyre into kwamina. She can just forget that part and
besides uEnhle doesn’t like me, she’s never really liked me from
the time I first got here and this must be the longest ive ever
spoken to her now that she thinks I can hook her up.
Fortunately she gets up and leaves. Thabsile walks in
Thabi: hiiii beautiful flowers (she takes a rose)
Ndu: Sabelo sisi
Thabi: ai uze kabi lobhuti guys
Ndu: kabi. Maximum speed and syadinga guys, Zesizwe
deserves it ngeke

They’re talking about me like I’m not even there. I remembered.

The braai
Me: ladies, kuneBraai kaMngani kaSabelo this weekend. It’s a
mini get together just to introduce me to everybody. It was
Sabelos friends idea that they do it this way because they’ve
been wanting to meet me kusho ukuthi I wasn’t ready and now I
don’t think I have much a choice. Can you guys come with, just
so I have a few familiar faces
Thabi: are you sure dude? We don’t wanna crowd your day
Me: nonsense. I want y’all there and Sabelo always makes sure I
get what I want
Ndu: you don’t have to tell me twice. I’m there. (she’s dancing)
Me: thabi?
Her: who am I fooling? Ohk sure
Me: thanks guys. I still don’t know how to deal with these things
I swear. Musa will pick y’all up cause this thing is in Izinga
estate and I don’t think they have taxis there
Ndu: about that, I was about to ask you cause I heard him speak
of Musa. Who’s Musa? Brother?
Me: nope. Company driver who happens to be really close to
them. So he drives anybody at request. Kodwa uSabelo uthi he’s
gonna be my driver straight cause he can’t always come to work
with me or drive me to my endless meetings for baby vision
Ndu: girrrrl you have a driver?
Me: not yet. (I say this dismissively so)

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Ndu turns a serious face. She’s looking me like she’s thinking
really deep
Her: you don’t realize this do you?
Me: realize what?
Her: Zesizwe who will be at the braai
Me: his friends, brothers, their partners and maybe some
friends ke I don’t know. The sisters are out of the country. They
live outside the country actually
Her: who does this for a temporary partner? This guy is serious
Zeh
Me: ai don’t start
Her: you really don’t see it
Me: see what? Stop confusing me
Her: Zesizwe your life is about to change for good. From your
clothes, to your mode of transport arrangement and even where
you live. Soon enough you won’t fit la and you’ll probably feel
like we don’t fit in your world. I hope we don’t loose you cause
syakthanda but more than anything, I hope you don’t loose
yourself.
I understand what she means and I’m really happy she’s
actually bothered about me. It humbles me soo much to know
she’s thinking that far ahead. Thabsile is silent. She’s teary.
Thabsile is the one most attached to me. She loves me more than
words care to express. I hold both their hands
Me: guys y’all will never understand the love I have for y’all,
even if I left the office and focused on Baby Vision, y’all will
never be irrelevant to me, y’all will never. Nobody is loosing
anybody.
I feel my cheeks warm up and a tear down my cheek. I’m
praying to God that nothing changes between us and I hope they
don’t grow uncomfortable around me that they end up detaching
cause they think they don’t fit into my world. That was a very
intimate moment for me. We all hug and end up laughing. My
phone rings and I look,, it’s a number I don’t recognize
Me: Sizwe hello
Caller: hey babe its me
Me: me who?
Caller: sorry I don’t know why I thought you had my number.
It’s me Yonella. Sabelo gave me your number. I just wanna know

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if you have any allegies cause I’m prepping the menu and
realized I had’nt clarified with you
Me: no babe I have no allegies, oh and I’m also coming with 2 of
my friends. They have no allegies either
Her: oh perfect. The more the merrier. Oh and please wear white
or blue. We’re theming your party girl (I laugh)
Me: ohk mamie I’ll see you then.
Her: can’t wait. Have a good day.
Me: you too.
We hang up and I just tell them what the call was about cause
from the looks they’re giving me it’s pretty obvious they wanna
know
Thabi: ei engathi sfikele kwezinye. Menu preps?
Me: don’t start
Ndu: aibo what are we gonna wear?
Me: anything
Her: ushokahle you’ll be wearing Gucci if you like
I laugh then realize they’re serious
Thabi: haah we’re gonna go there and look like maids
Ndu: just imagine
Me: guys we’ll go shopping. How’s that?
Ndu bursts into laughter and inbetween she asks “with what?”
Me: don’t worry about that. Tomorrow after work we’ll go
shopping. Problem solved.
Thabi: ai ungadlali ngemali yomfana wabantu (she’s serious)
Me: will you relax? I have enough money (I’m lying. Sabelo will
cover that. Aibow)
Ndu: kahle boh, kephi khona ngoba sihlupheka nawe la?
Anyways you know I won’t refuse free clothes
Me: then don’t.
We continue talking then my phone rings at around 15h30
Me: Sabelo
Him: sthandwa, I can’t come get you Musa is on his way. Please
come home
Me: ohk love I’ll see you then.
Him: I’ll be there by the time you arrive
Me: ohk cool. I’ll talk to you soon.
Him: ohk I’m going back kwi meeting. I stepped out to pass the
message
Me: thanks babe, now go get your coins.

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He laughs and I hang up first before he speaks any further and
delays his own meeting.

I pack my stuff ready to leave. As we exit the girls keep looking

at me. When we get outside a black Range Rover Vogue is
waiting for me and Musa is waiting outside. When he sees me he
opens the door with a very relaxed face
Me: girls come we’ll drop y’all off first
Ndu: in that car
Me: yes in that car. Stop being an idiot let’s go
Thabi: I’m taking the front, I might just score a husband
Me: vele I’m not allowed to. Sabelo says he’s my driver not my
friend
(i roll my eyes)
Ndu: ai don’t roll your eyes nje uqinisile uSabelo. Haaah
ungathemba bani emhlabeni?
We reach Musa
Me: sawbona Musa
Him: hello maam (he gives a short smile) Ladies (he nods in
acknowledgement)
Me: don’t be silly, call me Zesi
Him: MaKhumalo is better. Please
Me: sure I can live with that. Musa can we drop my friends off
around Musgrave
Him: sure mam. Anything you require.
We all get in the car and Thabi takes the front as she said. She
keeps stealing looks of him and his rather nervous himself. They
direct him to their flats and we drop them off. We drive off to
Zimbali. As we’re driving I remember
Me: Musa can you please pick me up tomorrow?
Him: mr Mbatha says I pick you up only if he can’t
Me: I’ll speak to him, I just wanted to make sure you’re
available. I wanna do some shopping in Gateway with the girls
Him: yes maam.
“thanks Musa” I utter as I grab my phone to call my sisters..
I call Pretty..
Her: mntasekhaya
Me: hey babes. How’s y’all doing?
Her: siRight unjan wena? We miss you

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Me: ngyaphila. I miss y’all too istrue. I wanna invite y’all for “my
braai” at izinga this weekend
Her: awuu oe. Zama is in Shepstone this weekend for her trading
things, I have Drakensburg noSih this weekend
Me: nooo problem babe. They told me izolo kwakhona, Sabelo
ulibele
Her: hhau oe, abekho oNdu? Just so you’re covered
Me: they’ve confirmed already. Thanks love. How are my
babies?
Her: come see them. You haven’t been home in over a week
Me: (hahahaha) I was just there last weekend. Kodwa I’ll come
by Sunday.
Her: ohk boo. I have to bounce. Gotta fetch this child eCreche
Me: ohk sis. I love you
Her: I love you too. We’ll catch up later.
I hung up and thought of this man at home. When I got there he
was already waiting for me outside. He opened my door and
pulled me out and squeezed the life out of me
Him: I missed you soo much
Me: Mbatha you saw me ngeLunch
Him: I missed you more after I saw you at lunch
Me: ncoow well I missed you too. Now can we get back inside, I
need to get off these heels.
He takes my bag out the car and walks in right behind me. The
house smells like a home cooked meal
Me: you cooked?
Him: no. mamaSophia did.
Me: mamaSophia?
Him: ooh I didn’t tell you? It’s hard living alone and a man. I
have mamaSophia. She makes sure all is in order
Me: oh cool. Is she still here?
Him: nope. She leaves at 4.
Me: alrighie. I need to shower and slip into comfy clothes.
I go shower and put on bumshots and a vest with slippers. I tell
him Musa is getting me tomorrow
Him: aibow why? I didn’t say I can’t get you ksasa
Me: I need to get some stuff at gateway with oNdu. They refuse
to come to the braai bathi they don’t wanna look like maids
while I wear prada
(he chuckles)

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Him: oh they’re coming?
Me: yeah they are so we need some clothes
Him: ohk. Need anything?
Me: I have enough clothes in the closet booboo
I know what he’s asking, but I wont even go there
Him: you’re acting smart. You know what I’m asking. (he
chuckles) I see the problem, uzojwayela. I’ll give you my card
Me: I don’t need it (I know damn well I do)
Him: Zesizwe I wasn’t asking your permission.
Me: so can Musa pick us up?
Him: interesting how you like Musa now
Me: it’s not that. I think Thabsile likes him
He pulls his forehead and I just know something is coming up
Him: really now?
Me: yeah. Well atleast it’s what I think.
Him: and you’re ohk with that?
Me: do I have a say?
Him Sthandwa samm come here
I walk to him to the couch and he opens his arms and I lay on his
chest.
Him: baby I know you love your friends, I know you also want
what’s best for them and I love that about you. Your honest
heart.
Me: but…?
Him: But I need you to think about this.
Me: what? (he’s confusing me)
Him: I’m your man and Musas employer.(I sit up and look at
him in the eye)
Him: Musa is now your driver and Thabsile is your friend. How
do you think it will affect y’alls relationship knowing that her
boyfriends movements are at your command? You’ll end up
having to compromise and having to drive yourself or have me
drive you to places just so Thabsile can spend time with Musa
and that would make me very unhappy. Imagine your boyfriend
is your bestfriends driver and her mans employee. This will
destroy your friendship in the long run and is it worth it?

Now that he says it, I see it crystal. I won’t even entertain or

address the way I saw her look at him. Sabelo is right.
Me: you’re right. Well in that case you pick me up

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Him: no let Musa get you. You need to get familiar with this vele.
Just don’t address or entertain this crush idea lest you
encourage it. I’ll get you at gateway and Musa can take your
friends back to Musgrave and pick them up ksasa.
Me: ohk thanks babe.
I leaned on his chest again in silence just digesting all he has
just said, he sure is wise. I don’t know how much longer we
stayed in that position but I fell asleep just like that. He tried to
lift me but I woke up and he lifted me upstairs anyway. He picks
me up with such ease. I change to my jammies and I’m in his
arms again. Asleep.

Friday I go to work and works good as always. I had a few

meetings and I was done. Sabelo was calling me every minute of
the day. He was just out in the world busy missing me. He even
asked to bring me lunch and I had it so nje I turned him down
nicely cause I’m seeing him later vele.
15h30 the girls and I were out of the office and Musa was
outside. I texted Sabelo and told him Musa had arrived then he
told me his card is on the back zip of my handbag and also gave
me the password. Said I could get whatever I want. Said there’s
enough money and I shouldn’t worry. I looked and indeed it was
there. I dialed him
him: MaKhumalo
me: and now?
Him: I knew you wouldn’t take it if I gave it to you. So I slipped it
in your bag
Me: there was no need
Him: Zesizwe please don’t start. I told you I made up my mind
about you a long time ago. You spending money I make won’t
change the way I look at you no matter how much you spend
Me: but i…
Him: but nothing. Spoil yourself, have fun with your friends. I’ll
be happy you’re having fun at each swipe. You’re not a
golddigger for freely spending or even asking me for more when
you need to if that’s what you’re worried about. I found you
working and satisfied. That’s the perspective I have of you. Now
please, spend my money
Me: I don’t know what to say now

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Him: don’t say nothing. Let me know when you’re done. I love
you.
He hangs up. He doesn’t want me convince him.
Me: I lo.. (it’s beeping. Ah well)
The phone rings literally a second later
Me: Mbatha
Him: MaKhumalo what did you say? (he sounds shocked)
Me: when now? (I’m confused.)
Him: MaKhumalo I said I love you and what did you say?
Me: oh that.. don’t worry about it
Him: MaKhumalo don’t start, I’m not playing with you.
Me: I said I love you too
Him: you do really?
Me: ofcourse I do baba
Him: oooh Khayalamm. You have no idea how I longed to hear
those words. Close to a year later. Ooh Sizwe Samm. Come home
now please, I just wanna hold you
Me: I’ll be quick at gateway baby. I’ll see you soon
Him: kaKhumalo ngyakthanda
Me: I know babe. I do too.
I hung up with relief in my heart. His voice told me I really made
his day. I didn’t realize I was soo cruel. He’s been indirectly
suffering for other peoples wrongs when all he ever did was love
me. I’ve known a long time ukuthi I love him why haven’t I ever
told him over 6/7 months?
We get to gateway
Nduh: Mr Price is this way (she points to te direction)
Me: please don’t start with me. I didn’t just come into Gateway
for Mr Price when we have one in town
Her: I was hoping you’d say something along those lines (she
laughs) edgars?
I roll my eyes
Me: Zara, Steve Madden, forever new, aldo, Michael kors
As I’m counting these stores they look at me like I’ve just lost
my mind
Ndu: ai phela you’re pushing it
Me: please stop
Thabi: phela we’re not saying finish his money

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Me: I wouldn’t even if I bought the whole of gateway. Now please
let me do what I have to do I’ll deal with my man. We’ll start at
Zara.
Thabi: what do you mean we’ll start, kanti sizobe sisaqhubeka?
Me: yup, let’s goo I need to go back home to this man of mine tu.
Ndu: let’s goo (she doesn’t know what to do with herself)
We get to Zara they get a pair of jeans each and some shirts and
vests
Ndu: done
Me: kahleni boh. Ndu I saw you look at that peach dress (I point
at it on the far end of the passage)
Her: Ai it’s R1200
Me: ohk take it
She resists and I go get it for her
Me: if it doesn’t fit you you’ll take a taxi or get the bae to bring
you here to change it.
She takes it off and gets her size. I laugh at her. We pay and go
to Steve Madden and they get some shoes and a handbag each. I
get Thabi another one. The bill was a little over R7K.
Me: forever new
Thabi: I don’t think we need to go there we got stuff for
tomorrow
Me: Ndu let’s go
She says nothing. We get to forever new and they buy a little
more. I keep adding to their stuff and by the time we’re done the
bill is about R9K. Then I got tired.
Me: ai I’m tired now.
Ndu: I still don’t believe we done did this much shopping
Thabi: I’m hungry
Me: walk me to the atm
They get up and we head to an fnb atm. I withdraw R1.5k and
give them.
Me: I’ve texted Sabelo he’s on the way. I’m hungry too but I
know there’s food at home and I don’t wanna get there full. He
won’t wanna eat alone. So you guys grab dinner and Musa will
take y’all home
As I’m talking I feel his heaviness behind me. I turn and he is
standing about 2 steps away
Me: babe

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Him: hey Khayalami. (he hugs me soo tight and whispers “I love
you more”
Me: I’ve missed you today, I feel like I didn’t see you
Him: I tried face timing you but you didn’t pick up
Me: I’m sorry love, I was a little busy..
Then he remembers
Him: aibow I’m sorry. Sanbona makhosazane. I was in a rush to
see her I even forgot she’s with people
They laugh and greet back
Me: I’m ready to go. I’m tired maan!
Him: ooh no, don’t stop on my account, I just missed you
Me: nope we we’re done. I’m really tired baba
Him: sore feet?
Me: just about everything yeah.
Him: foot massage?
Me: you spoil me too much
He takes my handbag and I hug the ladies and we walk out. I put
my hand in his and he stops and looks at me
Me: and then?
Him: too much surprises in one day
Me: what are you talking about? (I was really confused)
Him: you said you love me first time today, and for the first time
since we met, you reached for my hand first
Me: baby please stop
Him: these moments ought to be celebrated. They mark a
change in our lives. (he kisses my hand) you ready for
tomorrow
Me: yeah I think so. I’m alright.

Chapter six

The next day. The braai.

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Sabelo gets up and takes a shower. He’s an early bird. See, I will
never sabotage myself and wake up earlier than I really should.
Sabelo is such a farm guy he sometimes gets up before sunrise
and goes to the gym or to do some work in the study just
because he’s out of sleep. While I on the other hand can’t wake
up at 5/6 on a weekend after slaving away the whole week.
Anever! He comes to wake me up around 9 and asks me to get
ready so we get to Sandiles atleast at 11:30.
Me: ohk I’ll wake
Him: baby now you still need to eat and get ready and you know
getting ready will take you forever.
He is right. I’m always late cause I change my mind a million
times before I actually settle for an outfit. I wake up and go to
the bathroom. I get out and wear shorts and an open back shirt
and sandals. I step out and he looks at me
Him: you’re wearing thaaat?
Me: yeah it’s kinda warm outside (I say so looking at myself)
Him: and there was nothing else that’s cool kuCloset but that?
Me: I don’t think I’m understanding you Sabelo
Him: ai Sthadwa samm you can’t wear that
Me: would you like to choose an outfit for me? (I raise my
eyebrow)
Him: no I’d just like you to choose another outfit. One more
appropriate
Me: and what’s appropriate for you?
Him: Sizwe samm I won’t argue with you on this. You can’t wear
shorts that reveal your legs and thighs around my friends. They
may be my friends but I don’t want them seeing all that
Me: then why did you buy them if I can’t wear them? (I’m
seriously confused)
Him: I bought them so you have comfortable stuff around the
house
Me: ohk.
I turn and head back to the closet. I’m not gonna argue with him
about this. I have absolutely no will to spoil my day before it
even begins when God has been soo good to me. I’m busy looking
through my section when he comes and hold me from behind. I
stand still and I don’t dare move.

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Him: baby I’m sorry. I’m not trying to fight with you or be
controlling it’s just that I know guys and some of the people who
will be there I don’t trust
Me: so baby why are we even going if there are people you have
a problem with?
Him: because some of them who matter wanted to do this for us.
You can wear your shorts even when we go out that’s fine, it’s
just some of the people at this particular gathering that I’m
uncomfortable with. Your body is flames, I don’t want them
stripping you naked with their eyes
Me: ohk love. Now will you help me choose an outfit
Him: traditional wear (he laughs)
Me: you’re being silly (I chuckle)
Him: choose anything babe as long as it’s not too short.
I look around then see a lovely micheal kors linen off shoulder
dress. It’s light blue and is flare and just above the knee
Me: how’s this one?
Him: perfect. Long as you’re comfortable in it

I dress up and go downstairs and make myself a mixed fruit

smoothie. He was having a full English breakfast. He eats quick
and we’re ready to go. I go upstairs to swap handbags and he
goes to the garage to get out a car. He pulls the Mercedes G63
and it was lit. black in colour. This fucker has a thing for big cars
and I’m not complaining cause I also don’t like small cars. I get
out, he gets up and opens my door and locks up. We’re driving
and I’m quiet cause I’m thinking of the day ahead, I get there
and Nondu calls me just before I get out the car
Her: girl we’re already here, where’s your ass?
Me: sawbona Ndu. I’m outside I just got here aswel
Her: I’d come meet you manje I’m scared I’ll get lost in this fuck
up
Me: Ndu it’s not that deep (we’re laughing) I’ll see you now.
I hang up.
Sabelo: babe you ohk?
Me: I’m fine thanks love
Him: you’re gonna be fine. This isn’t an interview. Be
comfortable. Be yourself.
Me: you best believe I will (I chuckle)
Him: good girl

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He gets out the car and opens for me. Sabelos friends must be a
rich squad membership club because the cars outchea are
everything. There’s BMWs, Porsches, maserati, Mercedes you
name it and it’s here
We walk in hand in hand and he squeezes my hand before we
walk in. this must be to assure me. He opens the door and I step
in. I thought to myself if I’m nervous AF for just friends what’s
my life should I meet family. Then I felt a load lift off my
shoulders.
The house is buzzing and it’s busy. The ladies are in the house
and the gents are outside at the braai stand. He walks me to
where the ladies are
Me: san’bona
Yonella: oooh hey babe, nice of you to finally show up to your
party (we all laugh)
Me: I’m sorry. I had trouble choosing an oitfit
Lady1: was it you or was it him? (they all laugh. I smile cause I
must have missed the joke)
Sabelo: you ladies are funny. Are y’all gonna introduce her or
should I just take her to the gents outside?
Lady2: why would you take her outside when we’re here?
Him: because they’d also like to meet her. (he smiles)
Now I don’t know whether it’s me or my imagination but there’s
sarcasm and shade here and Lord knows I can throw up a
storm. Like a whole storm and tornado and hurricane in one
breathe.
Yonella: ladies, meet Zesizwe Khumalo and as Sabelo always
says “his future”
Lady2 chuckles in sarcasm and I look around and see Nondu
ready to take over but I make an eye connection with her and
she sits back and sips on her wine
Yonella: Zesi meet Sli (lady1), Londiwe (lady2), Samkelo (lady
3), Charlotte (lady4), Lwandle (Lady 4) then Nondu and Thabi
We all laugh at that cause they’re already my friends.
Me: pleasure to meet y’all ladies
They all come hug me one by one except for Sli and Londi and
frankly I don’t care. Ndu hugs me last

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Ndu: they don’t know us father God, forgive them they know not
what they do, we’ll burn this whole estate down Jesus (she’s
whispering and I pinch her kodwa I still laugh)
Charlotte: go meet the gents khona uzobuya and we can get to
know each other
Sabelo: good idea. Come babe
he takes my hand again and we walk out. As were walking we
get outside, I’m thinking how this day will pan out because
really I lack energy for such petty things in life
him: what are you thinking about? You’re mumbling
Me: I’m thinking we’re gonna have quite a day and thank God
oNondu are here.
Him: don’t worry about them.
Me: I’m not worried about them. It’s me and what I might do
that I’m worried about
He chuckles and looks at me. Then realizes I’m not even smiling
Him: baby please. This is your day. Don’t let them ruin it
Me: oh trust me it won’t be ruined.
I smile as were getting closer to the guys, they’re all just
standing around the fire having beer and busy with the meat.
God there’s soo many of them. Handsome AF might I add.
Sabelo: madoda
Them: sho sho bafo
Guy1: you look even more beautiful in person (he looks shocked.
I smile)
Me: thank you
Sabelo: guys meet Zesizwe Khumalo. My tomorrow. Sizwe samm
mee..
Guy2: Sizwe Samm.. yeey ndoda do you hear the depth of that.
My tribe, my nation yeses. All in one person. Sizwe sakhe
Sabelo: ei bafo isizwe samm sonke lesi. Anyways stop
interuptiong me. Sizwe, this is Mvelo(Guy1, Samkelo), Ndumiso
(Slie), Syabonga (Londiwe), Sbonelo (Charlotte), Nzuzo
okaLwandle and Sandile you know him already okaYonella.
Me: it’s a pleasure meeting y’all guys.
They all come to hug me and express how happy they are to
finally meet me and how they’ve heard a lot about me bla bla bla
Siya: mina I knew Sabs caught a big fish when he started
missing work (we laugh and he chuckles and looks at me)
Me: I had no idea he was missing work, I apologise on his behalf

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Sbonelo: ooh no Ndlunkulu we’re not complaining, we’re
actually really happy for him. We’re excited for y’all
Mvelo: Sizwe sakhe, he tells us you have a girls/ rather teenage
program or business going on. When are you gonna talk to us
about it?
Sabelo: ai we’re not here to interrogate my woman please
Me: it’s ohk babe (I smile at him then turn back to Mvelo) what
would you like to know about it?
Him: honestly we think it’s a really grand initiative. We were
just talking about it and we’re excited to watch you soar. We
wanna be part of the movement. This generation needs what
you have to offer
Me: ooh thank you. Schedule a meeting either nge weekend or
after work and I’ll tell y’all all about it (I smile)
Ndumiso: you’re an inspirational lady. I respect you. When I
heard about it I was jawdropped. Our kids need role models like
you
Sabelo: ai ey Ndumiso phela I’m right here
Nzuzo: but we’re being honest. If you need anything you tell me
or pass the message via uBafo cause he gets jealous easily and
I’d be happy to assist you
Sandile: we all would. How about you prepare a presentation for
all of us we’ll schedule a date and then we can talk about it and
make our contributions?
Me: Sabelo? (I look up at him and he’s semi smiling)
Him: I don’t see a problem babe. It should be productive and will
build you as a brand
Me: thanks love. Well guys you heard the man. We’ll schedule a
meeting. But for now we are not here for business we’re here for
meat and food and good company and ofcourse some
margaritaaaaas (I wiggle my eyebrows.)
They all laugh soo hard and look at me and Sabelo is also
laughing.
Sabelo: can you even make them?
Me: nope. But I’m sure with soo many brains here and google we
can get something done (we laugh again. I don’t know what’s
funny these fuckers just laugh)
Sandile: we can get a bartender. Why didn’t we think of this
Me: isn’t it a little late for that? Short notice?
Siya: nothing is short notice when you have the money

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Mvelo: Syabonga. (such a commanding voice)
Ndumiso: I can make them. I’ll make you some
Me: see?
Sabelo: don’t be too strong on the vodka. Make it light
Ndumiso: ohk Bafo. Zesizwe let’s go, the ladies must be missing
you
Sabelo kisses my cheek and watches me walk away. We
approach the sliding door to the kitchen and as I enter
Sli: I was about to come get you. I was just wondering what’s
keeping you soo long with our men (she looks intensely at
Ndumiso)
Me: well I’m glad you didn’t, you’d have interupped some
interesting conversation
Charlotte: what are you drinking babe? Red or white wine?
Me: I’m not a fan of wine. Ndumiso offered to make me
margaritas
Nondu: why didn’t yall say we have options? Count me in on the
Margaritas too. It’s about to get litt up in here (she’s as loud as I
am)
Sli: oh he offered? (she raises her brow)
Me: Ndumiso please don’t make it slush I like it on the rocks
Him: coming right up.
He makes my margarita jar and walks out
Me: thank you. It’s to die for
Him: you’re welcome.
Me: I’ll call you when we’re out of, with Ndu here, this jar won’t
last
Him: I don’t think Sabelo will allow that
Me: he doesn’t have to (I smile)
Charlotte: clearly you don’t know him like we do
Me: and clearly y’all don’t know me like he does (they break into
a laughter)
Charlotte: yeey, I think I’m gonna love you
Lwandle: I knooow right
Ndu: ohk call me when you’re out, I’ll only be happy to help out
Slie: y’all should have hired a bartender (she rolls her eyes)
Me: well they didn’t girrrl and I love margaritas, so for now,
Nduh will have to do. You don’t mind Ndu, do you?
Him: not at all. It’s your party and so anything to make you
happy

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Me: thank you. I appreciate it. You may go before these fuckers
come for you or before Sabelo thinks I’m trying to convince you
to make my margarita triple on the vodka
They all crack in laughter and he walks out. From the little
interaction I realized with all her shade he didn’t respond to her
even once. Which means they might just be on the rocks
themselves, just like my margarita.
I have my first glass over light convo and finger foods. I was a
little late cause catering had taken care of all other things, it’s
the meat that the guys offered to braai themselves. Apparently
it’s where they gossip.
Me: Lwandle you’re quiet
Her: I’m not much of a talker.
Yonella: wait till the wine kicks in
They all laugh and Sli and Londi are still giving me bitter looks
but do I care? Nope!
Me: oooh you’re still waiting to kick start
Her: iyebooh. I’m too stressed in this lifetime
Me: wanna talk about it
Her: I’ll not bore you with the details but we’re not really on
talking terms noNzuzo
Samkelo: hhau kwenzenjan?
Lwandle: is it not these nurses he works with? What makes me
even more mad is that he entertains them
Sam: have you spoken to him about it though?
Her: he sees nothing wrong with it. He says he isn’t sleeping
with them so I should’nt worry
She pours another glass of wine and gulps it down
Me: how long y’all been together?
Her: just about 6 months
Me: ohk. What do you wanna do about it?
Her: I feel like I know he’s cheating. I know he’s sleeping with
someone, I’ve caught him before
Me: and what did you do about it?
Londi: nothing she forgave him and moved on
Nondu: what was the punishment?
Lwandle: I stayed away about 2 days then I couldn’t anymore. I
love him.
Thabi speaks for the first time since I got here. She’s like that,
she observes

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Thabi: and you know love alone is not enough right?
Lwandle: I wish it was that easy
Me: it doesn’t have to be too hard.
Sli: what do you know about such things? We all know that
Sabelo treats you like a rare gem always there to your rescue,
you say jump and he asks how high so what do you know about
man troubles?
Me: and he does shame, he’s always ready to deal with a
problem I present. Like he does’nt even try. They all don’t they
just pull through and do the most (shade, I know)
Thabi: you do know she has some history in relationships right?
(silence) I thought as much
Sli: ever since she got in the picture he hasn’t even been at some
gatherings with us all because she (she points at me) wasn’t
ready to meet with the rest of us, we’re too basic for her
Me: and I was’nt. The more y’all talk the more I realize exactly
why my spirit was refusing.
Sli: you won’t last. Soon enough he will be back with his real
love. Enjoy it while it lasts
Me: and I am enjoying it. If he wishes to go back, the door is wide
open but for now, he’s here and that’s all that matters
Nondu wants to jump to my rescue I can see it but I keep looking
at her to assure her that I got this one in the bag. She’s not deep,
they won’t drown me.
Londi: you talk like you’d loosen those claws on him after living
in such luxury. From a Mr Price intern to a Gucci bitch.
Nondu gets up behind her and slaps her on her cheek from the
back and she turns to try fight back but Ndu places another slap
and pushes her to the kitcen floor
Me: Nondumiso. Enough!
Charlotte: Was that necessary though? (she says this looking
directly at Londi)
Londi: every bit of it is necessary. Guys stop being hypocrites
and acting like this didn’t annoy y’all. What’s so special about
her anyways?
Yonella: I’m gonna need you ladies to please stop. It was Sabelos
choice not to show up
Nondu: Nella you’re too sweet about this. Lalelani la, I’m gonna
smack y’all both mina, y’all better tread carefully. I have no

135
man here I’m not here to impress nobody. I’ll fuck y’all over and
y’all won’t do shit.
Nella: maybe you ladies should leave. It’s clear ya’ll have no
desire to be here
Sli: we were also invited, we’re staying we’ll just have to find a
way to coexist with this thing
Me: excuse me. (I leave them to calm themselves down)
Lwandle: I’m coming with you
Sli: uyaphi? Going to cry to bae?
Me: yes.
I step outside and walk to the guys with Lwandle and as I
approach Sabelo looks at me. They all turn to us
Syabonga: awuu MaKhumalo no MaNdlovu. ezoBaffo madoda
Me: ai syabonga okahle (I laugh) aibo I missed breakfast for
meat and now I’m hungry boh aibow
They all burst into laughter. Sabelo comes to me
Him: awu Sthandwa ulambile?
Me: aibow I’m dying. My augar levels are on 0
Sandile: the meat is actually ready we thought y’all still getting
to know each other. Call out the ladies so we can eat
Me: thank you. Hhau
See I’m not stupid, I’ll talk to Sabelo when we get home. I wasn’t
about to have him go down on somebody on such a “cool” day,
I’m honestly gonna enjoy all this drama. I can handle my own.
I go back in and call them, the table has already been set and so
we gather around and the guys bring the meat to the table
outside. We all dish out our food and I dish for Sabelo and put his
plate right infront of him. Nzuzo smiles
Sabelo: ngyabonga Sthandwa sam
Ndumiso: what about us?
Sabelo: are y’alls ladies not gathered around this very table?
We all laugh
Me: well you heard him, he has spoken (he smiles)
As some were about to eat
Me: aibo what about grace?
They all look up at me some of them shocked and Sabelo smiles
at me. Everybody is sitting next to their partner.
Me: bow your heads or your’ll choke on that meat
We all laugh

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Yonella: yoooh guys bow, imagine my husband dying of choking
a month before our umembeso
Sandile: I’d never. I’d fight death just to come back home to you.
Ndumiso: didn’t Sizwesakhe just come to us complaining about
being hungry and now she wants to delay the process with grace
Me: I’d rather wait 30 seconds and say grace than to choke on
an empty stomach
Lwandle: aibo grace boh
Me: kahle Ocean you’ll drown us
We’re all having a good time laughing, everyone seems to have
forgotten about the drama that just happened in the kitchen,
except for Sli, Londi and Nondu, and that’s because Nondu is
still probably planning when she’ll get a chance to remove their
teeth with just a punch. I know her, she doesn’t care for a fight.
And Sabelo keeps kissing my head and we’re just letting loose
Lwandle: yeey awume weNation slambile
Charlotte: weGuys can someone get some drinks bakwethu our
glasses are getting empty while we discuss grace
Yonella: I’ll go get some wine and margaritas
Me: thank you
Sli: I’ll help.
They get up and go get the drinks Yonella gets some wine from
their storage and they come back. I have my margarita in a mini
jar and Nondu has her own and mini ice buckets ke.
Samkelo: Zesizwe please say grace
Me: bow your heads..
they do and I say grace ke, the minute I say amen, we dig in.
we’re enjoying light conversation and good food and good
company. Everyone is good except for Londi and Sli. As were
eating Sli speaks
her: does anyone know how Nomsa is?
There was silence. I’m busy eating before I realize that there’s
silence. I look up and everbody is looking at me and Sabelo
Yonella: I believe she’s fine
Sli: when last did any of y’all call her?
Samkelo: do we have to talk about this here?
Londi: it’s just that we were wondering why she wasn’t invited
because she’s also our friend
Lwandle: but she’s not Zesis friend
Sli: and we are? I didn’t know we were friends

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Sandile: Ndumiso, Syabonga get your women
Sli: we didn’t know we had to be got
Charlotte: guys enough. Nomsa is fine. She didn’t need an invite
to come here we didn’t think it would be appropriate
Ndu, myself and Thabi look at each other trying to connect the
dots but lutho. I look at Sabelo and he’s just sitting there and I
don’t know what to make of his face. It’s blank.
Ndumiso: I think we should go.
Sli: oh no I think we should stay. Doesn’t Princess know about
Nomsa?
I look up and all eyes are on me. Sabelo freezes. Nobody knows
what to do, the guys are silent cause evidently they can’t handle
their woman
Thabi: who’s princess?
Londi: it’s her (she points at me) don’t you see how she’s a
special case. She gets a braai to be introduced. None of us got
that and we’ve been around a while
Thabi: we know her as Zesizwe Khumalo. We didn’t know about
princess adjustments
I look around and it’s just tense. I sip my margarita again. See I
wanna go ape shit on her right now but that would make me look
petty. See I choose my battles. Inside I’m boiling but she will not
get a reaction from me. Not today satan!
Sabelo: baby I think we should go.
Sli: stop being hypocrites and tell this girl the truth. Now she’s
“baby” but not soo long ago Nomsa was baby and because of her
she had to go. Did you tell her about Nomsa? Does she know
about the baby? Or her sister? Does she know?
I look up and try to keep calm but my calmness fails me.
Me: excuse me.
I push back my chair.
Me: Yonella can you show me to your bathrooms please?
Nella: ohk boo come with me.
I get up and Sabelo gets up with me. I smile at him and signal
him to sit
Nondu: are you happy with yourself now? Are you satisfied?
Sli: I don’t want her thinking she’s princess getting braais and
shit
Nondu: see that’s the thing, she did’nt think she is princess to
begin with, y’all are the ones who gave her that name

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Ndumiso: that’s it, we’re leaving I will deal with you when you
get home
Her: so you’ll also deal with me because of her? (she looks at
me) what are you giving these men?
The whole time Sabelo is quiet and I’m boiling.
Thabi: that was a low blow Sli, infact low is an understatement.
If she didn’t know Sabelo would have told her when he was
ready
Me: Nella the restrooms please
We walk there and she tries talking I stop her. She shows me
and
Me: you can leave me. I’ll be fine I just need to pee
Her: are you sure you’re ohk?
Me: yes love I’m fine
She leaves and I go in and close the door. I look in the mirror
and my light make up is still fine, I pee and fix my afro. While
fixing it comes Sabelo. He’s knocking
Him: baby please open I can explains
..silence…
him: MaKhumalo please
I’m in here thinking. Why didn’t he tell me he has a baby and a
baby momma and what’s up with this sister of hers that Sli
spoke about. Why was he silent the whole time and didn’t say
anything infront of them and comes to tell me stuff in private.
Vele he wants to lie to me and I’m not having that today.
Me: please go outside I’ll be right there
Him: no I need to talk to you before I break this door
Me; break it.
What? Does he think I’ll stop him from breaking his own friends
door? They can afford it vele
Him: please baby I can explain. It’s not what you think
..silence..
I know I’m mad right now but I won’t give Sli that satisfaction. I
open the door and step out. I haven’t cried. I don’t have tears to
waste..

Sabelo

She opens the door still looking calm as ever. There’s no sign of
any emotion. She looks at me and gives me a hug.

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Her: you ohk? (I this moment I don’t know whether to respond
or to run)
Me: baby I’m sorry. I can explain
Her: what are you sorry about? (she smiles)
Her level of calmness bothers me soo bad. I don’t know her mad
but I do know unolaka cause I’ve picked up in our arguments.
What if she goes haywire on someone
Me: MaKhumalo you don’t have to pretend I know you have
many questions
Her: I don’t. let’s go eat. I’m hungry.
Me: MaKhumalo
She starts walking and I pull her by the arm and she still just
looks at me. She’s as cool as a cucumber and that’s a problem for
me. I want her to wanna know the story, I want her to be mad
and shout and scream or something. She’s sweating and her
eyes are reddish. Must be the anger + vodka
Her: do you honestly wanna deprive me of food at my own
party?
I let her go and she walks ahead.
Her: come on babe lets go.
She takes my hand and I’m literally walking next to her like a
robot. We appear outside and everyone is shocked to see us
together and she soo calm
Ndumiso: I’m soo sorry Zesi. Sabelo mfwethu ngyaxolisa
Zesi: don’t be. It’s all good
Me: you shouldn’t be. She should (i point at Sli) you just
tampered with my relationship
Sli: I’m not sorry. I mean everything I say. Problem is you’re all
hypocrites. Why aren’t y’all asking about Nomsa? A fresher
comes by and y’all forget your own
Ndumiso: sli you better shut up
Her: or what? I’m tired of hypocrites. Tell your precious the
truth
Zesi: we should go. Ndu Thabi we should go
Yonella: no, y’all don’t go. They’ll leave my house
Londi: you’re also choosing her. Here’s another one. Why are
you acting like you like her? We all know you don’t like her. She
should know you also had some things to say about their
relationship. Like it won’t work out and she’s not pretty enough

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for him and that she’s a degrade compared to Nomsa. I’d like to
hear you deny it
Yonella turns pale and Sandile looks at her and she shrinks. She
doesn’t respond. I feel my anger levels rising
Me: bafwethu I have to go before I do something I’ll regret
Londi: what will you do. Kill us too?
Kill? Did she just say kill? I don’t know what happened and
when but before I knew it the table was upside down. I felt
terrible a second later when I saw MaKhumalos face. Her eyes
were popping out of her sockets.
Me: Londi don’t push my hand
Sandile: calm down Bafo. Ndumiso, Syabonga nihlulwa imizi
yenu.
Zesi: Samkelo, Charlotte, Lwandle, gentlemen it was a pleasure
meeting y’all. I wish it was under different circumstances. I
have to go.
She turns to her friends
Her: nondu, Thabi let’s go. Musa will take us home
They both get up and go to her. In my head I’m thinking I just
lost her. She leads a simple life and these complications she
won’t want to deal with. I just hope she’s willing to hear me out.
Sandile goes to her and tries talking to her
Him: I’m so sorry things turned out this way
She’s not listening. I know this because she looks rather distant.
She doesn’t look like herself at all. I’m scared to even go next to
her because I don’t know her like this and I don’t think she
wants me next to her. She needs her space to cool off cause I
don’t buy this calmness she has on her face right now. I need to
respect her space. I don’t know how cause I’m probably gonna
loose her. Waze wangiyala uSli cause I would have told this in
my own time. I turn to look at her and I notice her skin looking
rather dull I rush to her
Me: baby are you ok?
Her: no
Me: kwenzakalani
Her; I don’t know, I don’t feel too good
Her eyes start doing flips she keeps gagging
Me: baby! Baby what’s happening to you (I’m tapping her cheek
and I’m panicking hard. She’s getting weaker and weaker. I turn

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to Nzuzo as I helplessly watch my life perish) Nzuzo you’re a
fucking Dr do something
Ndumiso brings her a chair and we sit her down and the
moment she sits she bends forward and she throws up. My
breathe leaves me. I die inside. I’m loosing her. Her skin looks
dark and blue. I’m loosing my very heart. She doesn’t even look
like she’s breathing. Everybody is runing around some are
getting water, her friends are crying some are getting milk it’s
just soo much havoc, but one thing I know for sure everybody is
in shock.
Me: can somebody call an ambulance (I scream)
Nzuzo comes forward and checks her pulse then he turns to me
N: her pulse is getting weaker and weaker. It’s barely there. Call
an ambulance NOW!
Nella: I already did. They’re coming
Me: Zesizwe please sthandwa samm don’t do this. Please don’t
leave me. Baby ngyakcela not like this. (my tears flow)
I carry her to the couch and rest her head on my lap and just
beg God not to do this. I look around me and every body seems
to have lost faith cause she’s trying to keep her eyes open then
they shut. The God she prays to soo much has got to save her. I
can’t loose her, I just found her, I still need her. I just, I cant.
Paramedics come through and they put a drip on her and put
her on oxygen. Nzuzo takes the lead and injects her with
something and they take her away. Understand that Zesizwe is
bubbly and looking at her just lying there lifeless has killed me a
million deaths. What if she doesn’t make it? What happened?
She was fine a moment ago. My thoughts are interrupted by
Thabsile
Her: that’s 911. She doesn’t have medical aid.
She’s crying and has turned red. I remember MaKhumalo
saying she’s the most attached to her so I understand why she’s
already red.
Me: don’t worry about it, I’ll cover every bill and every
treatment
I see her relieved.
Nondu: why are y’all still here? Sabelo get in that ambulance
with her. Thabi get her purse Musa will take us to the hospital.
Wena Sli no Londi nawe Yonella cause I can’t trust you
anymore, if anything happens to my friend ngizoninyisa.

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I get in the ambulance and we go off. Straight to Ballito hospital
and she’s a critical case. She’s put in icu cause coma. I feel my
world crumble. I could loose her. What am I gonna tell her
sisters? What am I gonna tell her father? How am I gonna live?
Worst she was mad at me and I didn’t even get to explain. I feel
my tears flow. I look up and everybody is here except Sli, Nella
and Londi.
Ndumiso: how is she?
Me: I don’t know I haven’t heard anything
Nondu and Thabi are crying and the ladies are holding them.
Over 3 hours later Nzuzo and Dr Ramdaas come through and we
all stand.
Dr: we’re looking for Sisizwe family
Me: we’re her family
Dr: she’s in a critical condition but we’ve managed to drain out
some of the poison
The moment he says poison I black out
Nondu: Dr I don’t understand. What do you mean poison?
Dr: whatever it is she consumed had a poisonous substance. Had
y’all got here a minute later she wouldn’t have made it. We’ve
taken her bloods to the lab, we’re waiting further tests to be run
so we know for sure the damage
Me: DR can we see her?
Dr: we can only allow 1 person. She needs to rest.
I get up and Nzuzo takes me to her. I walk in and threaten my
eyes, but I have to be strong. My heart can’t take it. I can’t
imagine what life without her would be like after she’s been in it.
N: she’ll be fine. The damage is not as bad
Me: why did I even take her there? She asked me why we’re
going if I got people I don’t trust? But I still made her go mina
ngzothini kuKhumalo? That man will kill me
N: we’ll cross when we get there. I called Msikeleli he said he’s
leaving Joburg right now he cancelled the meeting.
Me: I don’t care for that ngfuna uMaKhumalo wamm
N: I’ll give you some space.
He leaves. I go and sit next to her and take her hand into mine.
She’s just cold. She doesn’t even move a finger
Me: Sizwesamm ngyakcela ungangshiyi. Ngyakcela
Thembalamm ngeke ngphile ngaphandle kwakho. Ngakcela
ungayenzi leyonto. Ngyakcela ungavumi mah, sizoba yini thina

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koMbatha ungasekho.. ngyakcela Nhliziyo yam ngeke ishaye
ungekho
I break into a loud cry and Nzuzo comes running in
Him: Bafo she’ll be fine
Me: she’s not moving bafo. Who will sing for me and fight with
me about my aircon in the car? Who will cuddle with me and eat
everything in my plate? Bafo who will smile like an idiot when
receiving my flowers? How’s this gonna work vele? Who will
this heart beat for? Who will sing in the shower feeling like
Whitney Houston? Bafo there is no life without her. Do
something. Please do something. Who would wanna hurt me this
bad. This will cripple me. She didn’t even hear my story. Nomsa
is my ex and she didn’t even hear that. What’s my life without
her in it?
N: she’ll be fine. She’s a strong resilient woman. She’ll be fine. I
promise.
Me: go. I wanna be alone with her
N: you can’t be here all night
Me: watch me.
I grab a chair and sit right next to her and I hold her hand and
pray. I’m thinking whoever did this will pay. I’ll find out and
they will pay.
I must have fallen asleep cause Msikeleli woke me up from the
side of the bed. I look up and she’s still laying there.
Him: awu Bafo
Me; AI kuyabheda Sontshikazi
Him: yin udliwa yini uMaKhumalo?
Me: they found some poisonous substance in her system and
they’re running further tests to find out what it is exactly. We
think someone poisoned her
I tell him the whole story and he looks at me like he is thinking
hard
Him: uban lo who wants to die a slow and painful death? I have
no mercy or tolerance in things like these.
I told him what aunt Phumzile said to me about MaKhumalo a
while ago (except the part about his wife) and since then he’s
been really fond of her from a distance. He’s been wanting to
meet her but she wasn’t ready to meet anyone and he didn’t
want to crowd her. He always said since we know she isn’t going
anywhere there is no rush. Nzuzo is the one who forced his way

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and they get along well. She always said she wants to get to
know me deeper first so I understand why he’s talking like this.
He’s meeting my future wife in ICU when he’s never seen her
live and kicking.
Me: mina ngizfunela uMaKhumalo wamm. I’ll deal with whoever
later. Nobody touches my heart
Him: let’s go. You need to rest
Me: no I can’t leave her here. How do I trust them to not try to
finish her off?
Him: nobody will do such a thing I’ve told the nurses there’s
gonna be a visitors list. We need to inform her family
Me: I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for that.
Him: it’s the right thing to do

Chapter seven

5 days later, she still in icu and they keep saying she’s better
but I don’t believe them cause she’s still looking helpless on that
bed. Except her skin looks more like hers. No longer bluish and
pale.
I walk in with Nzuzo and Msikeleli. I head straight to her and
kiss her forehead. She loves kisses on the forehead.
Me: baby I’m here with my brothers, I’m just gonna read you
todays paper. Please move your hand phela maKhumalo if you
hear me.
Me: guys y’all can go I wanna be alone with her
Msikeleli: we’ll be right outside. Don’t be too hard. She’ll live.
Me: I hope so.
They leave and I read for her and tell her about the cancellation
of the seminar she was supposed to host. I tell her the progress

145
of her visit to NY I tell her about “baby Vision”. She moves her
finger
Me: baby (I jump and the paper probably flung to the floor)
She moves again
Me: baby please move one more time so I know it’s not a reflex
She moves again and again and attempts to pinch me but she’s
still weak.
Me: Nzuzo, Nzuzo, Dr (I’m screaming in excitement and shock
and panic)
They come rushing in
N: what?
Me: she moved. She wiggled her hand and tried pinching me
Dr: excuse us
Me: I’m going nowhere.
I stand in back and let them do their thing. She opens her eyes
then closes them again
N: it’s the light
Me: then dim the damn light or even switch it off
They do that then she opens her eyes, slowly.
Her: Ss..a..bel….o
Her voice is coarse and soft. I rush to her side with tears in my
eyes
Me: baby.. you scared me. Welcome back
The joy in my heart can’t be explained right now. I’m soo happy.
The Dr does those exercizes and asks her the days and asks her
to blink and move her toes and she passed that. The Dr updates
and tells her she’s in hospital and has been here for 5 days
Dr: we’re out of the woods atleast she didn’t loose her memory
I’m not even listening. I’m just holding her hands and just
staring at her. A tear rolls from her eye and I know she’s just
crying
Me: baby you’re ohk now. You came back to me. I’m so sorry
sthandwa sami
She looks at me deeper
Her: Sabelo… (coarse again)
Me: I’m here baby, I’m here
Dr: we’ll give you a minute, she still needs to get some rest
Her: have I not been resting a while now. My body is sore (I semi
laugh, cause that sounds just like her. Coarse and all but just
like her)

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Me: wait, I want you to meet someone
I get Msikeleli and he walks in with his face looking relieved.
Msikeleli was almost as stressed as I was he was just trying to
be strong cause I couldn’t
Him: sawbona Nkosazana
Her: yebo sawbona (she’s trying to make him out and her voice
is still coarse and she’s talking rather slow but that doesn’t
matter to me)
Me: uMsikeleli lo. My eldest brother
She smiles and nods. I’m guessing she’s tired of talking
Him: syabonga ukuthi ubuye. Kade siklindile. Bafo kade efa la
Her: I’m… sorry

Zesizwe
I wake up and see Sabelo. He looks dead. His beard isn’t
groomed he looks like he hasn’t had a bathe in days. I also meet
his brother who also looks stressed but not like Sabelo.
Me: umubi
They laugh at me
Him: oh useyisa (he’s really happy)
Msikeleli: I was just telling him
Me: I go away a few days and I find you looking like a zombie
Sabelo: Imagine what forever would do to me. Themba lam I
wouldn’t make it. I nearly die ngo5 days I don’t know what a
year would do
Me: I’ve been here for 5 days? What happened?
Msikeleli: we’ll talk mase ululeme
Me: I remember the argument but I don’t know what happened
next
Sabs: don’t worry yourself about it
Me: I saw aunt Phumzile for days now. She’s soo beautiful, she
looks young
Ms: saw her where?
His eyes shoot out like he knows something I don’t
Me: she was sitting right next to my bed all the time. She visited
me everyday. She was very sweet. Please tell her I said thank
you for not leaving me in this room alone. She was even singing
for me

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They look at each other with their eyes popping. They’re
shocked and Msikeleli sits on the chair Sabelo was sitting on. He
looks at me directly with his hands rested on the bed
Sabz: mom?
Me: no aunt Phumzile, I don’t know your mom. She kept saying
you won’t make it without me and that I should wake up. Today
she was pinching me to wake up and this time I woke up.
Ms: are you sure about what you’re saying?
Me: why would I lie about your aunt visiting me?
Sabs: it’s just that my aunt only came here twice and I was right
here the whole time
Me: are you trying to say I’m crazy?
Sabs: no baby that’s not what I’m saying. That wasn’t aunt
Phumzile you were seeing. That was her twin
Me: but her twin is your mother and your mother is no more
(I’m confused)
Sabs: that’s why Msikeleli was asking if you’re sure. You weren’t
seeing aunt Phumzile, you were seeing our mother, Phumlile
Ms: how did she look?
Me: she looks just like aunt Phumzile, her hair is looong with
some grey streaks and her skin is clean and fair. She’s soo
beautiful. She’s happy and she loves beads. She was always
kneading beads and giving me beads, I swear I have a collection
of beaded accessories
Sabelo: she loved beads, just like our aunt
Me: I guess that is why I thought it was aunt cause that day
when we went to Stanger she’s the one I saw with beads.
Msikeleli lets out a loud sigh then buries his face in his hands.
Me: did I say something wrong? (I turn and look to Sabelo)
Sabs: no baby you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing
Nzuzo walks in and he looks like he is mad. He looks straight at
me
Him: why are you lying? We get that you like attention from
Sabelo but why must you lie?
He’s just lost me. Lost me dismally. Sabelo gives him a look I
can’t explain
Me: I don’t think I follow
Him: how you gonna come here and lie and say our late mother
was here to visit you when you don’t even know her and you
know very well she’s dead?

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Msikeleli: kokusiza ukuthula boy before I slap you right across
your face
Sabelo: please mkhuze bafo ngoba I’m in no mood to deal with
bullshit, I’ve had a long week
Him: I just don’t understand. Mah has been dead for years and
she knows this. How she’s gonna come from the dead and claim
to have seen someone she has never met? How does she know it
was her? You’re seeking attention wrong, coming here and
unwrapping old wounds with your lies
Sabelo slaps him soo hard he stumbles
Sabs: you will watch your tone when you’re talking to her. You
will not walk in here like a brat and talk shit. Did you hear her
say anything about mom?
Me: Sabelo please stop. You guys need to cool off before y’all can
talk. I don’t mean to open up old wounds. I don’t even know
what I said and Nzuzo I’m sorry you fee..
Msikeleli: don’t be sorry. MaKhumalo do not be sorry it’s him
who should be. He’s being a brat talking about things he doesn’t
know nor understand. He didn’t hear the conversation begin
Nzuzo: now y’all also gonna let her come between us like she
scattered all your friends?? (he turns to me) I should have let
you die
With that he walks right out and leaves me in total shock. I feel
tears roll down my cheeks. Sabelo storms out the room
breathing fire and Msikeleli follows after him. I hope he doesn’t
do anything stupid. Nzuzo and I, we gel and for him to react like
this means he is probably hurting cause he must be missing his
mom. I don’t want them be to hard on him about this, it hurts
me that he thinks I’m seeking attention and that he should have
let me die but I understand he’s probably hurting and Sabelo
will go ape shit on him. I don’t want that cause that means he’d
hate me more thinking I turned his brothers against him. Sabelo
walks in still angry as hell but when he sees my tears he softens
Me: how is he?
Him: his fine. He just needs to grow up
Me: don’t be too hard on him. He didn’t mean nothing he said
Him: I don’t give a shit about that. Nobody will talk to you like
that while I’m still alive, let alone in my presence.
Me: Sabelo please
Him: Zesizwe no. that’s final!

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Me: you should go sort things out with your brother. I need to
rest
Him: you just got up, you think I’ll leave you here anytime soon?
Me: well then you’ll watch me sleep
Him: I always do. Now get some rest
He kisses my cheek. I turn over to try and sleep but Nzuzos
words play in my head like a broken record. The irritation in his
face is what gets to me more than what he actually said
Me: he saves my life then he wishes he left me to die. ( my tears
flow
Sabelo: shhh baby, he didn’t let you die, that’s all that matters.
I cried till Dr Ramdaas gave me a shot and I fell asleep almost
immediately. Sabelo never left my side for the next 3 days,
Msikeleli brought him clothes la. The girls came to see me and
so did my sisters. They were all crying but Thabsile was worse,
she was histerical. She looked dead herself.

3 days later
Dr Ramdaas comes to my ward to check on me lasttime before I
leave to go home
him: you were lucky Miss Khumalo. Next time please be mindful
of what you eat
me: I will doc I promise
him: take your meds in order and rest. Get all the rest you need.
I’m putting you on one weeks bed rest, drink lots of fluids and
eat healthy foods. Your kidneys need it cause they took a lot of
strain clearing your system.
Sabelo: I’ll make sure of it Dr she won’t even leave the bedroom
Dr: thank you. Please don’t be stubborn cause that will land you
right here. Please don’t overdose on medication and avoid all
other medication. Lastly NO ALCOHOL.
Him: imma make sure of it Dr don’t even worry. I won’t let her
toy with her life cause then she’d be toying with mine
Me: y’all talking like I’m not here. I will follow all instructions Dr
Him: good. I hope you’re not saying this just cause you wanna go
home
Hahahaha
Me: no. I’m saying it because I mean it.

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Him: sign the discharge forms. You’re free to go. Don’t forget,
your check up is in a week. My PA wil call Mr Mbatha to
schedule. Miss Khumalo get enough rest.
Sabelo: let’s go. Home has been horrible without you. It’s been
soo cold
Me: I wanna go to my flat
Him: ngekeke ukubone loko
Me: please
Him: no. ufika nje sewfuna ukungishiya. Kahle
Me: did you tell my father?
Him: no. we figured you’ll be fine and we didn’t tell him. I only
told your sisters. They’re coming ksasa. I asked them to let you
rest for today
Me: how’s Nzuzo? When last you see him?
Him: at the hospital that day. I have nothing to say to him
Me: baby please
Him: Zesizwe, I’m a man in my own stance. You will let me deal
with my issues in my own stance and you won’t interfere. Stop
questioning me. I have spoken and I’m not ready to see him yet
neither will you.
Hm. Here comes my farm boy. Atleast he said “yet” which
means they will be alright again. The porter comes through and
Sabelo wants to push me on the wheelchair himself.
Me: who’s getting us?
Him: Msikeleli and Xolie. They’ll be in Durban this week so
they’re staying with us.
Me: oh. Ohk. Are they here already?
Him: wait, I should ask. Are you ohk with them staying at our
house?
Me: it’s your house
Him: please don’t do that. Talk now so they can go stay at the
other house if you just wanna be alone cause they will still
undertand
Me: the house is big enough Sabelo. It’s honestly ohk
Him: ohk cool. Ngyabonga maKhumalo
We get outside and a really beautiful BMW pulls through. It’s a
coupe and anyone who knows me knows that coupes and I don’t
mix
Me: who’s driving?
Sabelo: they’ll take the front we take the back

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Me: see that’s the thing, I’m not getting in that (I point at it)
Sabelo: Zesizwe please don’t start
He’s trying to be firm and it’s not gonna work out
Me: I never sit at the back of a coupe. I’d die.
Him: what do you mean?
Me: I sweat till kingdom come. I can never sit at the back unless
you want me to come back here in less then 10 minutes
Him: ohk baby, what’s the real problem here? Obviously there’s
a story
He’s now bending infront of me.
Me: I’m scared. I’m a little claustophobic. I hate small spaces. I
hate lifts, I hate being locked in the bathroom, I hate the back
seat of a coupe, I hate being held by the neck, I can’t stand small
spaces. I get panic attacks and I can’t breathe it could even lead
to a heart attack.
Him: so you never sit at the back?
Me: of a coupe, no. I’d rather walk to where I’m supposed to be.
You could call an uber or go home and get a car I’ll wait right
here.
Him: nonsense. I’m not spending another second without you.
I’ll just speak to Msikeleli.
He goes and talks to him, only to find that Xoli has the same
issues.
Me: so what happens now?
Xoli: ai cabangani madoda ngeke
Me: we can take an uber
Msikeleli: you just got out the hospital and you already want to
uber home
Me: does Xoli drive?
X: I’m Schumacher the Lady on the road
Me: perfect. Then Xoli drives and y’all take the back
M: I love my wife but I don’t trust her that much
X: you trust me with our kids
M: you have a point there. (We laugh)
S: who will get your door if I’m already seated at the back Sizwe
Me: the porter.
S: not gonna work
X: is that what’s gonna keep us up in here (she chuckles). Ohk
Zesizwe ngena emotweni and Sabelo will close your door then

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he’ll use the other door to get in and the porter will close my
door
S: perfect.
He helps me in the car and he throws a fleece over my legs then
uses the other entrance to get in and we all in the car
X: happy?
S: ecstatic. I saw how that guy was looking at her. I don’t want
him getting any ideas
We all laugh.
S: Baby you comfortable?
Me: yes I’m fine thanks
S: would you like to adjust the aircon?
Me: it’s fine baba ngyabonga
He sits and leans back after I confirmed I’m ohk
X: do we need to get anything before we go home?
Me: yes. Icecream (I say with such excitement)
S: Not Happening. you must have missed the Drs orders. You
only eat healthy and you need to rest you can’t be galavanting at
malls
Me: what’s one cup of icecream gonna do?
S: I don’t know and I don’t even care to find out
Me: you’re such a bore
S: one of us has to be so you recover
Me: swayini
They all laugh and I’m just mad
S: I love you
M: he does alright. We’re witnesses to that. Yeey he nearly die
Me: aibow was it that bad?
X: aibow ungamuboni ephapha nje kanje. He looked and behaved
like death the past week. We thought he’d end up joining you. He
was so moody and snappy.
Ms: he lived on the side of the hospital bed
Sabelo is soo quiet. I turn to look at him
Me: I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to put you through all that
He looks at me like he’s faaaaaar away. Like he’s thinking hard
Him: Marry me MaKhumalo.
There was silence and Xoli looks me and my eyes are all out
Ms: Xoli drive. Focus.
Him: Let’s just get married so we can just be official and we can
just belong to each other.

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Silence..
Him: I realized this week that I love you more than I thought I
did. I can’t be without you KaKhumalo, I cant. You scared me
(his eyes) I prayed to God every second of the day begging him
for your life, I kept on thinking of what life would be like if you
stopped fighting for it, I thought of what my life would have been
like without you and I saw nothing. Marry me SizweSamm I love
you. I love only you
Me: Sa..
S: you don’t have to reply now. This wasn’t the kind of proposal I
had in mind. I also hadn’t planned to propose to you sitting at
the back of a coupe. I don’t want you to reply now, I was just
telling you what I’d like to happen.
Ms: what’s for dinner today, I’m hungry kwamanje
Xoli: Sabelo said I shouldn’t cook. He said we have a new chef at
home
Me: hasn’t mama Sophia always been there?
Xoli: she has. We have a new chef though
Me: oh ohk. Sabelo yini? You don’t like her food anymore?
S: no I do. We just got one who can cook the foods you have to
eat
Me: what do you mean?
S: well I hired a chef because I wanted someone to cook for you
healthy foods, just the next 3 months.
Me: (sigh) Sabelo
S: we weren’t negotiating. I was telling you.
I won’t challenge him here. Not infront of his people. I also won’t
fight him about this decision because it’s sweet vele and I
appreciate that he’s already planned ahead for me and besides a
chef who can prepare healthy for me is for me so honestly it
would be stupid to even try fighting him.
Me: (in a really soft tone) So you fired mama Sophia?
Him; no maan I wouldn’t do that. She’ll be doing everything
she’s been doing. She just won’t be cooking
Me: ohk.
There’s silence again. I’m thirsty but I won’t say anything cause
I know this fucker will wanna pull over at a gas station and too
much work would go into him getting out the car to buy it. We
get to the security gate and now I can talk
Me: who’s idea was it to buy a coupe?

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Ms: it was your mans I don’t know what he likes about these
things
Me: yeses! I’ve been thirsty for soo long and I couldn’t even say
cause everybody would have to get out the car
S: you’ve been thirsty and didn’t think to say?
Me: it’s this coupe set up. Please don’t be dramatic about it.
Please.
We arrive and he gets off the car and helps me to the house. Not
that I needed any help. Well maybe I did because I wasn’t really
100% I was still feeling abit out of it cause my body was crazily
sore I think it’s all this sleeping. By the time we get to the house
I’m already tired. He brings a chair because he didn’t wan’t me
get comfortable on the couch and so he puts a chair right before
the stairs. I sit for a second then he walks me up the stairs to the
room and this is worth mentioning, The room is basically a
pharmacy. This idiot has medication of all sorts and well I
appreciate it. There’s even a drip here.
Me: why do we have a drip manje? I thought I left the hospital
Him: the Dr said it won’t do any harm to have it cause you still
need water in your stystem
Me: but I’ll be drinking that and even having foods that have
contents of amanzi so why must we have that? (I point at the
drip)
Him: Zesizwe I want no mistakes. Your Dr will come here and
put it on for you in about 2 days
Me: but I’m fine
Him: then Dr Ramdaas wouldn’t have said it wouldn’t hurt to
have it
Me: vele it wouldn’t hurt but baby it’s too much now
Him: I’d rather be too much and have you live then be too little
and have you in that hospital bed again.
Me: but ba…
Him: ukuthi you have no idea what I had to endure looking at
you lying on that bed like that. You weren’t there to witness it
all that’s why you’re talking like this (he’s getting mad. I see
that vein develop on his forhead). You’ve noo idea how scared or
uneasy I was that’s why uthi I’m being unecesary. I won’t beg
you for your health Zesizwe uyangizwa? Uzowenza loku
okufanele even when you don’t feel like it. Uzoyfaka leDrip,
you’ll take your meds, you’ll eat these boiled and steamed foods

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and you won’t say it’s unnecessary because you don’t know
what I had to go through this week alone. If death happened to
you, you wouldn’t feel anything cause you’d be dead, I’d be the
one to suffer and have to live without you and figure life out and
with this one week alone, I already know I wouldn’t make it. So
I’ll do all I have to do for you to live even when you think I’m
being unnecessary or “too much”
I feel his words pierce my heart. I feel them deep and perhaps
I’ve been selfish. I was lying in bed unconscious a whole week
and not once have I asked him how he is and here I am busy
complaining about efforts he’s making to make my life easier
and enhance my health. Instead I’m busy being spoilt. Now I feel
like shit cause really he’s had his share of headache this week, I
mean he already looks unkept. That alone should be an
indication of his suffering while I was on that bed
Me: baby I’m…
He doesn’t even wait for me to finish my sentence
Him: say no more. I’m not willing to listen.
He storms out the room and he leaves me just sitting there
without even tucking me in. but I can’t really blame him cause I
mean I’ve been calling him extra and unnecessary so why would
he tuck me in ke? I wanna call him but I haven’t seen my phone
since the braai. For all I know it could be lost or broken and off
somewhere so I can’t call him. I get into bed and try to dose off
but sleep doesn’t even waste it’s time and show up. About 2
hours later I decide to go downstairs because I have to apologise
and well I’m hungry.
I get up and wear his robe mine was too far and slippers. I slowly
walk downstairs. As I approach the lounge I trip and fortunately
I fall to cushions.
Me: (as I trip on his robe with my suddenly weak legs)
weeeemaaaah (I scream)
I feel tired all so suddenly and stay that position a second trying
to gather my strength to sit up straight. Msikeleli comes
running
Him: MaKhumalo yini (he’s approaching me. I feel a lump on my
throat but I won’t cry cause I don’t feel like crying to his
brother)
Me: I tripped ngawa. I’m ohk. (he is helping me up) I’m ohk
really don’t worry.

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Him: aibow you just fell. What if you fell from the stairs? Why
are you even out of bed?
Me: well Sabelo is mad at me and so he didn’t bring me food. I
don’t have my phone to call him, I’m hungry, I came to eat (I feel
my tears build up)
Him: Xoli would have brought you food, we thought ulele
Me: I haven’t slept a wink.
He helps me sit down and sits next to me
Him: what happened?
Me: well I sort of asked him why we have a drip and a room that
looks like a pharmacy because I felt like it was a bit too much
considering ukuthi I’m going back for a check up next week (my
voice gets shakey) and he thinks I’m being ungreatful and I’m
speaking like that because I don’t know what he had to go
through this whole week and he’s right. Maybe I am selfish
Him: why did you feel like it’s too much? Be honest.
Me: (I look and fiddle with my fingers) first was my hospital bill,
then was the chef ontop of mamaSophia, then the nutritionist,
the set up he already has in his room it’s all too much. I know
him enough and I know he’ll start eating what I do just for moral
support. So now he has to give up his good foods for my steamed
veggies and salads
Him: MaKhumalo is that not what partners do? Take care of
each other and support each other at all times?
That question strips me of all the power I thought I had left
Me: it is, but it’s too much to happen all at once
Him: and when do these things ever announce that they’re
coming our way? When do they ever announce that they’ll come
at different times so it’s one support at a time?
I look at him and not say a word cause he has a point.
Him: maKhumalo would you not do the same if ever the tables
were turned? (he gives me a sharp look and I swear I wanna pee
on myself right now
Me: I would. I actually would
Him: I know you would and perhaps even much more. You’d
probably watch him as a hawk and stay by his side 24/7. You’d
study nursing just to take care of him if he were in your position
I softly laugh and he chuckles
Him: let Sabelo take care of you the best he knows how. If this
over caring is a way for him to think he can ensure that you

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never land on that bed again and he doesn’t go through the
same tragedy and grief then let him. Let him do all he can or all
he thinks is in his power because he was powerless when you
didn’t wake up for 5 whole days. Go easy on him he’s a softy.
He’s probably suffering wherever he is just trying to stay away
from you. He’s a softy yena (I laugh, he chuckles) myeke nje
azidelise that chap died this week and he resurrected the
moment you moved your fingers.
Me: so you also think I’m being selfish?
Him: no. Absolutely not maKhumalo. I think you’re being
human. I understand your feelings in thinking it’s too much but
he wants to support you, we want to support you too, so don’t
worry about all that comes with it cause it comes from the
heart, our hearts.
Me: ohk (I look away, ashamed)
Him: don’t be worried. I appreciate the fact that you were trying
to be considerate of him and that you are feeling some conscious
about this, it speaks volumes about the type of person you are, it
makes me respect you even more and I’m sure deep down he
does too but you’re one of us now. You’re deserving of all the
support you get from us.
Me: (sigh)
Him: the only reason Liziwe and Sphiwesihle are not here is
because we did’nt tell them otherwise they would too and that
would all be part of the support we give. This is how we love
kwaMbatha.
Me: maybe that’s the problem, maybe I just didn’t feel like I’m
deserving of all of this, perhaps I need to adjust
Him: you’re deserving of soo much more kaKhumalo. The only
reason you speak this way is because you have no idea the
impact you have on our family, the impact you have had
kuSabelo, if you knew you’d know just how much more you
really deserved
Me: he has done everything for me, he has rescued me too, I’m
no God, he also has done a great deal for me bhuti
Him: I guess you both should bask in the goodness y’all have
brought to each other and stop arguing about simple things and
actually appreciate y’alls presence in y’alls lives cause from
where I’m standing, y’all both need each other. You both love

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each other. Sabelo loves you Zesizwe, that man would kill just as
he would lay down his life to see you alive and happy.
Me: I love him too bhuti
Him: and I can see it, we all can. It’s all right there. In your eyes,
in your actions, it’s all there
I keep quiet a second.
Me: thank you. I appreciate this.
Him: good, think about this conversation evertime you begin to
think he’s being too much
Me: I will remember that
Him: perfect, now wait here I’ll get your food kuOven.
He gets up and Sabelo wamm appears from the stairs in his gym
gear and he’s sweating wearing his earphones. The moment he
sees me he pulls out the ear plugs and rushes to me
Him: you’re up. Are you ohk?
Me: I’m sorry Sabelo. I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful
Ms: I’ll give y’all space. maKhumalo, think about it(he leaves
and goes upstairs)
Him: it’s ohk, I guess a part of me understands why you reacted
that way considering how self sufficient you are, but baby that’s
why I’m here so you don’t have to be self sufficient. Why am I
even in your life if you can do it all on your own? Please baby let
me be the man. Let me be your man in this relationship. Let me
take care of you
Me: I’m sorry babe.
Him: don’t be. Just promise me you’ll let me be
Me: pinky swear
He smiles.
Him: thank you. Now tell me what my brother says you must
think about? (I laugh)
Me: it’s our secret. Uthanda iyndaba
Him: ooh so you and my brother have secrets now?
Me: my lips are sealed. (I chuckle)
Him: I’ll let it go only because he’s my brother and I trust him
Me: as you should (he laughs and kisses my cheek)
Him: why are you out of bed?
Me: well you were mad at me and didn’t bring me food. I’m
hungry
He looks shook

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Him: ooooooh shiiiiiiit I’m sorry babe! How dare I starve you. Let
me get your food.
Me: have you eaten?
Him: no I’ll eat after I shower
Me: no go shower then we’ll eat together. I’ll lay on the couch
and wait for you then I’ll go to bed after dinner.
Him: ohk ngyabuya. (he kisses my forehead and runs upstairs)
I stare at the blank and he comes back in about 15 minutes with
Msikeleli and Xoli
Her: how are you feeling?
Me: I’m ohk mamie thank you unjan wena?
Her: I’m ohk thanks. I feel bad for starving you though
Me: you shouldn’t, you thought I was sleeping
Her: still. Hospitality is important
Me: well then I guess Sabelo should be tending to us. It’s his
house
S: it’s our house. You live here too so if I’ll be crucified then you
must be too
Ms: but she can’t tend to us cause she’s unwell so that leaves
you Sabelo
Me: and besides, I’ve been here about 3 days cause I came here
just before the braai
X: she really thinks she’s going back to her flat doesn’t she?
They all laugh and I just look at them cause I guess I’m always
missing jokes.
Ms: she really does. (He chuckles) princess you live here now.
This is your home.
Me: my home is in Chatsworth, my flat in Musgrave and my
boyfriends place is here.
X: your boyfriend wants to marry you or were you not listening
Sabz: ai aniyeke umaKhumalo kokqala ulambile. Hamban la
futhi so I can have dinner with my woman
X: awuu were just joking hhau
Ms: maNdlela asihambe sobuka iMovie ezansi. Let the 2 love
birds talk.
Just as I was thanking God they’re leaving and that Msikeleli
didnt tell Sabelo I fell he just can’t hold it any longer I must have
thanked God too soon
Ms: becareful when you walk back up. We don’t want you falling
again

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Sabelo turns to me the moment he hears “falling”
Him: what do you mean “falling Again”? maKhumalo you fell?
Me: I kind of tripped and fell on those cushions kodwa I’m fine.
Ms: I found her on the floor la and I helped her up. When you
found us from gym besengithi ngyomlandela ukudla
Sabelo almost looses it with panic
“He found you on the floor?”( he wipes his forehead with the
back of his hand) “he found you on the floor”
me: it’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s not like I was immobilized
when he found me, I was trying to get up it’s, not like I was
hopelessly sitting there
Ms: just be careful with her Sabelo. MaNdlela (he takes her hand
and they go)
Sabelo: oh baby I’m so sorry. Did you hurt anything? An ankle?
A knee?
Me: baby please. I’m fine.
He gets my food and brings it to me. We eat over light
conversation and these veggies aren’t as bad as I thought they
would be. He keeps stealing looks and I can’t address that cause
he’d end up apologizing again kanti I’m fine. I’m not a kid
bakwethu I’m just an adult that was poisoned and I survived.
My legs may be weak for now but that’s because I haven’t been
using them 8 days and because of the medication I’m on. I have
bigger things to concern myself about like what damage all this
poison did to me internally I couldn’t careless about falling to
soft cushions
Me: this food is good. Thanks babe
Him: I’m glad you like it. Eat up so you can get some rest
Me: I was hoping we could join the others for a movie
Him: can’t we watch it from our room? Incase you end up falling
asleep
Me: ohk. Sounds like an idea. Now I’m off to bed. (I say as I stand
up. He gets up with me and holds me by my waist and we go up. I
get into bed and he puts on the tv while searching for a movie
we’ll watch. I’m just looking at him in all his glory.. he’s in his
boxers and a vest looking sexy la. He comes back to bed and I
lay on his chest
Me: are you gonna tell me what happened?
..SILENCE..

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Sabelo
She asks me this and I feel like literally jumping off the bed and
getting out of this house because I don’t know what might
happen next but I do know I’ll have to tell her the truth
eventually so it may aswel be now before I have another Slie
episode where she finds things out on her own
Me: what happened where?
Her: how I landed in hospital with poison in my system?
Me: we’re still unsure how it happened because there was too
many of us at the braai but I’m thinking along the lines of Sli,
Londi and maybe Nella
Her: why though? Why would they wanna kill me? (she’s calm
and has such sadness in her voice)
Me: honestly I.. I ..
Her: do you also think I was a step down or a downgrade
compared to your ex? Honestly?
When she asks me this my stomach goes cold because honestly
she’s everything and if she starts feeling like she was a
downgrade I don’t know how I’d help her out of that. That could
possibly destroy our relationship
Me: no. no you’re not baby you’ll never be. I’m with you because
I fell inlove with you. You’re no downgrade
Her: I see. So why did they poison me and please stop stuttering
and just tell me the truth
Me: (I take a deep breathe) the.. the ladies are loyal I guess. Sli
was very and I mean very close to Nomsa. Nomsa my ex
girlfriend. I’ll be honest with you and tell you I loved her. They
got along well with the girls and that was before the other ladies
came through hence the others had no issues with you. One day
I found out from my brother Msikeleli that he’d seen Nomsa
with some guy at gateway, I was on a mini business trip in
Capetown. I didn’t quite believe him because he’s never liked
her from the beginning so I thought it’s one of those stunts to
pull us apart. I called her and asked her about it and the
conversation went along the lines of

(im reiterating this story to her)

Me: Nomsa where were you earlier today?

Her: I’ve been home

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Me: my brother tells me he saw you at gateway
Her: he must have seen a look alike, I haven’t left the house in 3
days
Me: I told him the same thing but he was adamant at that it was
you he saw
Her: then he must be blind or maybe he was seeing a girlfriend
of yours that I know nothing about
Something about her defence was just weird. That very last
statement opened my eyes to the possibility that it was really
her.
Me: ohk babe I hear you. I was just making sure
Her: well next time you just not even ask me about such things
it gives me the impression that you don’t trust me which is why
your brothers think they can just come up with bogus stories
Me: ohk babe. I have to go, I’m rushing to a meeting
Her: don’t let your brother come between us Sabelo. We’d rather
loose them then loose each other.
…
Zesizwe: she said that?
Me: I was in disbelief the whole time. I thought I was hearing
things. Then a few months later we found out she was pregnant.
I don’t think I’ve ever been that excited in my life. She also
didn’t know till she was like 3 months and it was Nella who
picked up first. I told Msikeleli and he just wasn’t budging. I
began thinking that maybe he was a little jealous and was trying
to come between myself and my happy little family. I started
detaching from him because I was getting tired of defending
Nomsa to him.
During those few months of friction for us my grandmother dies
from my fathers side and so we all had to go. Nomsa wouldn’t let
me out of her sight, she wouldn’t dare until today I don’t know
why, I thought it was hormones but everyone else thought there
was more to it. (she’s laying on my chest quiet. Now I’m just
wondering what she must be thinking). The funeral happened
and there were Zion christains cause ekhaya iZion. This one
lady who was wearing her church uniform called me to the side
of a rondovel and asked me who Nomsa was, I told her she was
my woman then she asked me who was the father of the baby
she was carrying, with pride I responded “me”. She looked at me
and laughed then she says “so you’ve been told. That child my

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boy is not of the blood of the Mbatha clan. That child is not yours
and his father is closer to you than you think.”

Zeh: are you serious? Aibow Sabelo are you telling me a true
story nje?

She gets off my chest and sits up so she can see me. Now she’s
lookin at me cause she’s leaning on the headboard and I’m
sitting by her feet facing her.
Me: I’m serious. So now the whole time I’m caught thinking and
a lot is happening I’m trying to think what if the father of this
child is my brother or something, he’s close to me
Me: I didn’t ask her about it. I talked to my brother that very
day and told him what had happened. All he did was let out a
sigh then tapped my shoulder. Nomsa started getting sick a
while later and the baby had to be delivered early. She needed
blood and when I was tested I was no match. She said it herself,
that she needs the baby daddy to pull through to test bloods and
well as unexpected as it was came my best friend Nkosinathi
and he was a match. I was furious. I was fuming. I wanted to kill
them both with my bare hands because how dare they do such
to me behind my back. Nkosinathi used to come to my house at
anytime of day because he was my guy. That time we were still
staying in laLucia. He had all excess kanti they were busy.
Unfortunately the baby died about 3 days later and Nomsa and I
separated. I learnt then that she cleaned out my accounts that
she had access too and fortunately it wasn’t too much money
now. The safe was empty and 2 accounts she had were wiped
out. I was now left with company cards, savings and an offshore
account I do international business with so it wasn’t bad really.

Her: but I still don’t get why I could be poisoned

Me: I left them like that and put my house up on sale. It was sold
in about a month. Things didn’t work out between Nomsa and
Nathi though because he had a girl he was with who is now his
wife. I assume it was a one night stand gone wrong. She came to
see me and apologized and asked me not to tell anybody about it.
I kicked her out of my life cause I can’t deal with hypocrites.
Now I know she didn’t tell oSli the entire story, to them I’m just
the guy who dumped her after she lost the baby. They think it’s

164
the strain of loosing the baby that ended us so that’s how I think
they ended up poisoning you. They think you’re the reason she
can’t be accepted back anymore.

Her: I see. (she looks like she’s thinking hard) is that all?
Me: well about a week before I met you Nomsa called and asked
us to meet. I first refused then the ladies got involved and the
guys thought in order to have them drop this off I should see her
and just hear her out and because I was tired of them I agreed
even though she disgusted me I thought what’s the worst that
could happen. It’s not like I’ll be taking her back it’s just to get
them off my back. Then Nzuzo and I went to the Village Table.
That’s when I first met you (she smiles) the most beautiful lady
I’ve ever seen, with such grace and a smile I didn’t think I’d ever
live my life without you, I found you. That’s when everything
changed. I was no longer interested in seeing her even if it was
just to get them off my back. I told the fellas I saw you and that
I’d been following you and one of them must have told their
partners about you and that’s how the message got to the rest of
the ladies. They hated you before they even me you.

Her: and you didn’t even think to warn me?

Me: I didn’t think they’d ever go that far
Her: and your “not thinking they’d ever get that far” nearly get
me killed. I nearly get caught in the crossroad of something I
had nothing to do with
Her eyes are getting wet and Lord knows I don’t want her to cry.
I can’t stand her tears they make me wanna do just about
anything to have her be ohk again
Me: Ngyaxolisa maKhumalo. I’d never put you in such danger
intentionally.
Her: what did she mean by “ what will you do? Kill us too..”
Sigh
Me: her sister came through after our breakup noNomsa she
said she’d come to get her stuff. Mama Sophia had packed them
vele. So I had my brother home to show her to her sisters stuff
at the garage cause I didn’t want nothing to do with them and I
didn’t want them in my house. She got her clothes and left. Don’t
get me wrong Nomsa sister and I were pretty close. Almost like
you and Nzuzo. We got along well but I knew that if ever she had

165
to choose, her loyalties lie with her sister. That’s why I left when
she picked up her clothes I didn’t wanna be awkward. She got
into a car accident after leaving here and was in hospital at icu.
They all went to see her and I wasn’t quite ready, I felt bad. Like
if I was there we would have probably talked longer and the
truck she got into an accident with would have not even crossed
her path. A few days later I went to see her and she was still
critical. I spoke to her and apologized and left. Not even an hour
after I left I got a call from Ndumiso that she was dead. So it
became my fault ke and they all questioned what I did to her or
what I gave her since I’m the last one who saw her before she
died and since then it’s been this way

She’s quiet for a second. She’s looking at me like she’s thinking

hard again. I don’t know what to make of the blankness on her
face.
Her: ohk so they blame you for her sisters death, they blame me
for you not having gone to hear Nomsa out. There’s a lot of
blame game here and from where I stand, these attempts to
harm people close to you isn’t gonna end anytime soon, is it?
Should I tell her? Perhaps I should and face the consequences
later
Me: her family did try to hunt down Nzuzo not so long ago. It
was a drive by shooting and they shot him on the stomach and
the shoulder. He was lucky. My fathers brothers went to her
house and confronted them about it and told them everything
that happened, told them how we ended up breaking things with
Nomsa and how I ended up going to see her sister at the
hospital. The parents weren’t the problem, the real problem is
Nomsa and her cousins. So to answer your question, I’ve no idea
what might happen next or if they will ever strike again. Even
this whole poison thing, I think Nomsa may be the one behind it,
I think she’s the one who put them up to it more than I think
they were just being loyal and took the initiative to do it.
Me: what did y’all do after the elders tried to sort it out?
Why is she asking me this kodwa uSizwe?
Her: you better tell me everything Sabelo and be honest
Me: we dealt with the cousins
Her: what did y’all do?

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Me: nothing major, we just taught them a lesson.. they’re alive
so no we didn’t kill them, just lessons so they know we are not
weak (I can’t give her the details she wants. She’d probably
walk right out this door and never return)
** she’s quiet again **

Her: ohk. Which means I could be in danger. Which means my

life as I know it from that braai day could possibly have
changed. Ohk.
Me: no don’t look at it that way
Her: how could I not? You have a crazy ex and cousins who
blame you for the death of their own, they try to kill your
brother, you avenge your brothers injury and the friends whom
you introduced me to tried to kill me and you’re telling me my
life hasn’t just changed?
Me: baby please. No harm would come to you, I’ll never let that
happen
Her: harm has come to me Sabelo. I nearly die not so long ago. I
now have your brother who wishes he left me to die. This was
the first time in my life that I ever landed in hospital, I’m not the
sickly type but on my first encounter I find myself in ICU with
your brother wishing he’d left me to die. I’ve never had anyone
be this bitter to me. So I have you in my life and have inherited
your enemies and made some of my own by default.
Me: my brother is not your enemy, you said it yourself, baby he
didn’t mean none of what he said
Her: yeah and that’s why you haven’t spoken to him since then.
(she’s being sarcastic)
Me: I’m sorry. I really am.
Her: Ndumiso. Tell me about Ndumiso
Me: what about him? (now I’m just lost. What is she talking
about?)
Her: is there a story with him? There’s something about him
and I just can’t put my finger in it
Me: what about him?
Her: I don’t know. I can’t explain it. Is there no commotion
between y’all?
Me: I don’t think I understand
Her: he always has something negative to say, he pays attention
to me s..

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Him: what do you mean pays attention to you (I sit up staight)
Her: I don’t know, he looks at me like he’s trying to get to you, he
backs me up on conversations, at first I thought he was going
through something noSlie then I figured I must be the problem.
He listens too closely to me, he looks at me lustfully and then
checks you out to see if you’d seen it. I don’t know how to
explain it (I can see shes frustrated just trying to explain it. I
clench my jaws cause I get exactly what she’s trying to say)
Ooooh boy! What do I say now
Her: you better talk cause I already see there is. That look in
your eyes tells me there is
Me: well his story is rather simple
…Silence… she looks at me like I’m an idiot for not continuing
her: is it simple for him aswel or is it just simple from where you
stand?
Me: maybe from where I stand
Her: ohk, I’m listening
Me: well, he was dating this girl named Mandisa. They’d been
together about 2 months before he first introduced her to us.
We’d been hearing about her because he’d been talking about
her but it’s only 2 months later that we actually got to meet her
in person. She was nice and everything but just like you can’t
explain the feeling you’re getting about Ndumiso I felt the same
way about her too. They kept coming around together when we
gathered and it was all well until I learnt through Sandile that
he thinks Mandisa liked me and that she behaved differently
when I was around. I wouldn’t have known cause I didn’t know
what she was like when I wasn’t around because I wasn’t
around. Just before they celebrated they’re one year
anniversary she gave me a call and asked I come help her with
some broken pipe cause Ndumiso wasn’t in town and it was a
public holiday. I give Ndumiso a call and he gives me a green
light that I can go. I get there I fix it and when I was ready to go
she tells me she prepped lunch and I should please join her and I
did. She takes off this coat she was wearing and underneath
she’s wearing those net things you ladies wear
Zeh: lingerie
Me: yes that. I jumped off the table and I told her there’s no way
I’m eating with her like that and she said she’s known I want
her and that Ndumiso will never know as she’s talking she’s

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coming close to me, I kept stepping back then I told her to fuck
off and never call me asking for help again. The moment I
turned to rush out Ndumiso walks in and finds her in lace and
me on the far end of the room. Fortunately he heard the
conversation and figured I wasn’t playing along with his girl and
so I got off the hook and left them there. They talked about it
and she told him it’s me she liked and she was sorry and and
and.. fast forward, they ended things and months later Ndumiso
met Sli
Her: that explains it. He’s over nice to me. He probably wants to
pull the same stunt on you with me. But I could be wrong.
The moment she says this my heart pumps at a hundred
because he’s capable of such. He’s always been the player. I
remember he offered to make her the margarita, he was the first
to rush and get her a chair when she felt weak.
Me: you think he poisoned you?
Her: no man he didn’t. if he did then Nondu would have also
landed at ICU. We were drinking from the same jar. If that
poison was in the drink then it’s either Nella or Sli cause when
Lwandle asked for wine they went inside to get it and came back
with 2 small jars of margaritas for me and Ndu. It’s only now
that I wonder why they put our margaritas on 2 jars cause we
weren’t sitting far from each other
Me: so what stunt do you think he wants to pull?
Her: I don’t know, maybe he wants to check if I like him or if I’d
fall for him then he’d settle Mandisa score. I could be wrong
though.
She’s given me a lot to think about. An awful lot actually.
Her: business? Anything I should know about in business?
Me: nope all that’s there is legit. Construction, buy fix and sell of
property, clubs and pubs and a few trucks and plant hires. The
restaurant and fashion is the girls. The business side is perfectly
legit. Even taxed.
Her: no enemies you say?
Me: none that I know of. It does get hectic where we go head on
but it’s always ended on tender bids and stuff but hey, we can
never be too sure.
Her: ohk. I need time to think about this
Me: think about what?
Her: all you’ve just told me. I need to think about it

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Me: but maKhumalo this doesn’t have nothing to do with us
She gives me a look that says she’s just plain annoyed with my
last statement. I don’t know where it came from either
Her: it has everything to do with us. I need to think whether I
wanna inherit your enemies, whether I wanna be poisoned
again, whether I’m willing to stick around while your brother
wishes he’d left me to die, I also need to think whether I wanna
stick around to find out what Ndumiso story is about and if it’s
about what I’ve already mentioned, I need to think whether I
wanna be a puppet in your circle. Just imagine, me, a puppet. I
need to think if it’s all really worth it.
Me: so our love is not worth it?
Her: no love in the world is worth me dying for, no love is worth
me being turned into some peoples puppet and pawn to just be
moved around, no love is worth me watching my back all day
everyday wondering where the next strike might come from
and certainly no love is worth me being turned into a free
prisoner. That can’t be life
Me: maKhumalo please
Her: Sabelo my life is very simple. I chose to keep it simple
intentionally. I can’t have it complicated in the name of love. My
peace and inward happiness is my greatest achievement in life
Sabelo. All the money in the world could never buy or be worth
the kind of peace I possess.
Me: so what are you saying? This changes nothing KaKhumalo
Her: this changes everything Sontshikazi. There’s too much lies
and deceit in the circle of people you call friends. Makes me
wonder why you’re still around them. Does your peace not mean
anything to you? Does how you sleep at night not matter?
Really really would you rather have a million friends you don’t
trust just for the sake of having a circle? Just for weekends out
and braais you’d rather be surrounded by people who just
wanna keep testing you?
Me: Zesizwe uthini kahle kahle?
Her: this makes me question even the very person you are.
What exactly are you about? What matters to you more? Sabelo
what is your life?
Me: I..
Her: don’t answer that. I don’t want you to answer that. Those
are questions you need to answer to yourself, I don’t care to

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know them. I need to rest, I’m tired. Please move so I can stretch
and sleep.
I move from her feet and go to the bathroom for a second then I
return to bed. She’s still not sleeping but she’s paying me no
attention either. I get in bed and she still there silent
Me: I’m sorry. I hope you know I love you and I’d never put you
in harms way intentionally.
Her: I know. Goodnight.
She turns around and in just a few minutes she’s sleeping. See
Zesizwe is really calm. She never makes a noise and she
certainly never dwells on things that steal her peace. She
always says she read some proverb that said “being angry is a
punishment you give yourself for someone elses actions”. She
always says that changed her life. Right now she’s sleeping and
I’m here thinking of our conversation, tossing and turning
because all she said is right, what is my life ngempela chilling
with people I don’t trust? Ngempela what am I hoping to
achieve? Why am I putting myself and now her through that?
The way she asked all this in such calmness is what got me
thinking really. Lapho yena she’s already sleeping even her
lower lip has shifted to the direction which she’s sleeping which
means she’s deep in her sleep.
“I love you MaKhumalo” I whisper as I hold her from behind in
attempt to sleep. I didn’t sleep too well I kept checking in on her
and she was dead asleep I just kept making sure she’s ohk.

Zesizwe

I wake up the next morning and Sabelo is sitting at my edge of

the bed just staring at me. He’s just sitting there with his hands
in my afro just staring at me
Him: goodmorning gorgeous (he says this with a smile plastered
on his face)
Me: goodmorning Handsome
He smiles even further. He stares at me again and doesn’t say a
word
Me: ai wena stop staring at me
Him: breakfast is ready. Come
Me: I need to shower first and just clean myself up

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Him: I’ll fill up the tub. I don’t want you standing too long what if
you slip or something cause your legs are still weak
Me: a tub will take too long kanti I’m hungry hhau
Him: ohk then I’ll shower with you (I look at him) noo I won’t get
any ideas I promise. You’re not well I can’t have any ideas
Me: ai uyabonake. I was actually thinking I go back to my flat so
I go back to my routine yaz
Him: when were you thinking of all this? I talk with you last
night and the next morning you’re thinking of routines?
Me: I thought about it recently and further last night. Sabelo I
don’t live here, last night has nothing to do with anything
Him: Zesizwe I woke you up for breakfast not to have you tell me
you’re leaving me
Me: ohk.
I get up and take a short shower then I head downstairs with
him. We get to the breakfast table and the food looks really good.
Colorful too but I have oats with flax seeds and sliced fruits with
a drizzle of honey. It’s always been amongst my favourites.
Him: San’bona
Xoli: hey ninjan?
Him: syaphila ngdlala uMadam ufuna ukungshiya la
Msike: ufuna ukukushiya uyaphi?
Him: she wants to move back to her flat and leave me here and
just dump me
Xoli: why though? What did you do?
Me: even she knows you’re the one in the wrong. Troublemaker
(they chuckle but Msikeleli looks at us rather serious) Xoli
nilale kahle kodwa?
Her: yebo slale kahle except for his snoring. Yesterday was
worse then all other days
Ms: I don’t snore I keep telling you
Me: well, they say when one snores it means they were really
tired and that they having a really peaceful sleep. Apparently
you’re at your most relaxed when you snore
Ms: really?
Me: yup. Research claims that
X: so you mean to say he was at his most relaxed izolo?
Me: maybe not MOST relaxed but he was relaxed yes.
Sabelo: did you guys hear what I just said or are we gonna talk
about snoring all through breakfast?

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We all turn to look at him
Me: what did you say?
Xoli: he said you wanna leave him here?
Me: oh that. Yeah I have I go back to my flat and to work. To my
normal routine
Ms: so then what’s the problem there?
Sabs: she wants to leave me here bafo
Ms: you’ve been living here. And besides she’s not your wife.
Don’t think you’ll take Khumalos daughter and turn her into a
wife without his consent. You know how things work. So stop
sulking. (he looks at me) KaKhumalo, when you’re fit enough to
take care of yourself and still feel like going back to your flat
then don’t hesitate. Sabelo must do the right thing.
That was rough, but true. I’m not saying I want him to ask me to
marry him, that’s not at all what I was about when I told him I’m
thinking of going back. He thinks I wanna leave because of our
conversation last night and that’s not true. That conversation
didn’t have enough weight to come between us. Not at all. I
wanna go back because I have a life, because I have to go back to
work, because I need to give him and myself some space.
Distance makes the heart fond, they say. We finish with
breakfast and chill around the house. Then we go upstairs for a
mini rest because the Dr is coming tomorrow and I don’t want
him giving me too many reasons I can’t be by myself.
Sabs: you’re really tired neh?
Me: not really, I need the Dr to find me in good shape ksasa
Him: baby..
Me: hhhm
Him: you’re really leaving me?
Me: no. I’m just going back to my flat
Him: why won’t you marry me? You love me, I love you so I
don’t understand
Me: when did you decide you want me to marry you? And please
don’t say at the Village Table
Him: I wanted to ask you to marry me the day you had an
episode when you thought I was leaving you. Then I realized you
weren’t in a relationship with me the whole time, because your
heart was not open to me as much as mine was to you. So I let
you get to know me with the heart that was now open to me, the

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beginning of our relationship was after that very day you gave
your heart to me. That marks our anniversary for me.
Those words gave me a reason to consider his proposal. I have
no doubt in my mind that he loves me and that I love him too but
how do I just ignore the very fact that I nearly die nje kanjalo?
Kodwa ke bottom line is I didn’t die. We love each other and he
takes care of me by all means possible. So I may aswel just
marry the guy.
Me: do you have anything else that you’d like me to know?
Him: just that I love you. I really really love you
Me: any past hurt that you’d like me to know about? Or that
you’re still dealing with?
Him: I’ve lost 2 babies before (he looks away). 1 was a
miscarriage and the other was a stillborn.
I go cold. Ice cold.
Me: so you love children?
Him: I used to. But now I’ve opened up to the possibility that
maybe they don’t love me. Maybe I’m not meant to have them
Me: and how does that make you feel?
Him: I don’t know. I haven’t quite narrowed down my feelings
Me: what if I can’t give you babies?
There was a long silence..
Him: then that would be our destiny. I may be from the farms
but I do understand that some woman can’t bare children. We’d
adopt or try other possibilities like these surrogate things I’ve
heard about. Baby that can’t be the reason you don’t wanna
spend the rest of your life with me
Me: what about your family? They’ll want grandchildren
Him: they don’t matter. At the end of the day it’s about me and
you. That’s all that matters. Baby, why are we discussing
babies? Can you not conceive?
Me: I think there’s a possibility that I can’t. I have some very
irregular periods and I fear that might be a problem
Him: then we’ll cross when we get there. After loosing 2 babies I
don’t think I’m as fussy and besides that doesn’t make you any
less a woman.
There was silence. I had no more questions for this interrogation
Me: then I’ll marry you Sabelo
He’s looking at me with his jawdropped and his eyes wide. He
doesn’t believe me

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Him: you’re not joking right? (he stands on his feet then sits
down again and takes my hands into his) MaKhumalo, you’re
not gonna say you’re joking right?
Me: no. I’m not.
I’m looking at this idiot outchea thinking I’ve got time for games,
like I’d say yeah I’ll marry you then in the same breathe say I’m
joking. He screams
Him: awuu Syabonga Mbatha (he runs to the closet and comes
back with a shield and knokperrie)Shandu kaNdaba gumbi
lamagwala, sontshikazi, Mthiya othiya ngenkomo abafikazana
bethiya ngamahlahla, ndabezitha! uShandu ubengakanani
ngoba nasentendeni yesandla uyanela. Nasothini lomkhonto
uyahlala athi cababa, mazalankosi, mavungama,
mathabathanyawo, makhaba Luthuli makhubanothuli! Awu
syabonga, Syabonga nakini boMntungwa Mbulaz’omnyama,
nina bakaBhej’eseNgome ninenadl’umuntu nimyenga ngendaba,
ninenadl’izimfezimbili ukhamba laphuma lilinye, lobengula
kaMzilikazi, Mzilikazi kamaShobana, Shobana noGasa
kaZikode, Zikode kaMkhatshwa awuu syaboooonga…
in between all these clan praises he’s whistling and doing our
traditional zulu dances and movements. I’m just looking at him
turn all traditionally zulufied on me. I must admit I was happy
seeing that side of him, he’s never let me see it before and he
made it look really sexy. I’m a happy child I must admit that
much.
So now he went to the closet again and I’m just outchea smiling
like an idiot waiting for him to come back. He comes back with a
small box that has my ring inside. He kneels next to my side of
the bed and he speaks
Him: MaKhumalo, today you are MaMbatha. Please, do me the
honour of wearing my ring and taking my surname as your own
Me: I do (it dawns to me and with tears in my eyes I agree to his
request, I agree to his proposal)
I stretch out my left hand and he puts on a beaded ring. It’s
absolutely beautiful and made up of just beads but its hard a
strand and not stretchy or flexible. It’s a firm beaded ring.
Nothing like I’d ever seen before. It’s beautiful.
Me: it fits beautifully
Him: it’s perfect. (he kisses me) ngyabonga. Today I’m a happy
man. Zesizwe KaKhumalo Mbatha.

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Me: it’s perfect.
He gets up and runs for the door. He honestly can’t contain his
excitement
Him: Baffo, Baffo (he’s screaming and I swear to God the
neighbours can hear him) maNdlela, Baffo
They come up running.
Ms: yini kwenzenjani?
S: She agreed Baffo, she agreed to be my wife. She agreed to take
my last name
Ms: please don’t play like that (he’s taling to Sabelo but his eyes
are popped out looking at me)
Him: I’m not. Why would i? she’s my wife
Xoli passes them at the door and comes straight to me, she’s
running to me and she’s screaming
Her: uqinisile?
I lift my left hand and she sees the ring
Her: oooooooooh Jehovah syabonga. Believe me you made no
mistake, this man right here will take care of you till you think
it’s witchcraft. (she hugs me) ooh congratulations guys I’m soo
happy for y’all
Msikeleli also boasts in clan praises) when are we going to see
Khumalo? (he turns to Sabelo)
Him: even now wouldn’t be an issue for me. Even now
Ms: ai wena
We all laugh.
Me: it’s Monday today so you can’t even pshh (they laugh)
Ms: I’ll call obaba, then we send the letter by Friday
Sabelo: why can’t we send it even tomorrow and tell them we’re
coming next week? Why must we wait for 4 whole days just to
have the letter sent
Xoli: haah, that quick?
Sabs: as I say to you, if it were up to me even today would be the
day
Ms: let me call obaba kqala.
Xoli: when is she going to meet the rest of the family? The
uncles and everyone else
Sabelo: after everything is done. I’m in no rush, I don’t want her
staying there too long

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Ms: well well, you heard the man. I’m gonna go and call obaba
now Sabelo we’ll talk later. MaKhumalo (he looks at me soo
sincerely) syabonga and welcome to the family
Sabelo: maMbatha, you mean maMbatha
Ms: only after the wedding. So you better be fast
They laugh and walk out, leaving me here with Xoli. She keeps
looking at my ring.
Me: it’s beautiful isn’t it?
Her: it’s perfect. (shes thinking) looks familiar
Me: I’ve never seen nothing like it
Her: I think it belonged to someone really special
Me: special to who??
Her: I don’t know, maybe an elder in the family
Me: well I wouldn’t know, all I know is that I absolutely love it. I
never would have thought of it on my own so im glad he did
Her: its different. Its beautiful
Me: its intimate, its soo personal. I’m really happy he didn’t get
me a big rock, I’m happy with this
Her: hm. (she’s thinking) did yall talk?
Me: about what?
Her: about everything. Did y’all talk about everything?
Me: I’d like to think that all we spoke about last night and this
morning was everything
Her: ohk then I’m glad. I guess we have a wedding to plan. I’m
soo excited for y’all. Soo young and inlove. Sabelo really loves
you. I’ve been around this family a while now and I’ve never
seen him like this before. He’s turned into a little baby
Me: I hope that’s a good thing. I’m worried though (I sigh)
Her: about what?
Me: Nzuzo
Her: (sighs) I know what you mean. I tried talking to my
husband about it but he says Sabelo is not hearing it. He said
when Nzuzo said he wished he would have left you to die that
pierced his heart. He felt like Nzuzo didn’t care about him as a
brother because he knows how Sabelo feels about you and he
knows what loosing you would have done to him. So wishing you
dead is as good as wishing him dead and I don’t think he will
ever truly let that go
Me: he has to

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Her: you should know this, these men are the most loving
creatures you’ll probably ever come across, they would literally
roll the whole world at your feet, but, their heads are hard as
rock. Nzuzo needs to be the one to come to them to apologize.
Then maybe they may reconsider. Well Msikeleli has no problem
with Nzuzo. Inkinga uSabelo. Ulungile uSabelo but at the same
time unekhanda eliqinile.
Me: I don’t wanna be reason they break apart. I don’t wanna
come into the family and already cause rivalry between them.
You have to talk to Msike and ask him to talk to Sabelo. Please
Her: I tried. I really did and Msike did too. He came back saying
Sabelo got soo emotional he cried. That your life was at the
mercy of someone who wishes you dead all because of a
converstaion he didn’t hear properly. Says what if he’d heard
the conversation before you needed his help and decided to walk
away and not help you? You’d be dead and with his heart too
because he honestly can’t imagine his life without you. It’s the
helplessness he feels about your life being at the mercy of the
brother that wouldn’t have saved you.
I just felt like death. How do I bounce from this one. How do I get
these men to talk. I want Nzuzo to be at the wedding and I want
him to be a part of the process, but how if Sabelo won’t even do
as little as hear him out.
Me: ei. I’ll try talking to him
Her: goodluck sisi. But for now let’s go downstairs and have
some icecream and watch a movie. Don’t worry about the Dr
you’ve been having enough liquids to flush out your system.
She’s right. I wear my robe and we head for the cinema to watch
a movie. About 45 minutes later my phone rings, uSabelo.
Me: babe
Him: where are you? I’ve looked all over, angiktholi (he’s
panicking)
Me: than you haven’t looked all over
Him: Zesizwe I’m not playing with you. You’re not in bed or the
closet, not in the kitchen or the lounge. I don’t know what you’d
be doing at the gym or the cellar in your condition
Me: What do you need Sabelo?
Him: You. I need you. MaKhumalo where are you? I hope you’re
not out the house
Me: I’m at the Cinema with Xoli watching a movie

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Him: which cinema? MaKhumalo! (he’s getting mad)
Me: the cinema downstairs bhabha. You never use it, that’s why
you never bother checking it.
He sounds like he’s running. A few seconds later he is here, with
Msikeleli.
Msike: what are you trying to do to this poor man?
Me: I’ve been here the whole time, he just didn’t check
Sabelo sits next to me with a fleece he brought and kisses my
forehead.
Him: buka awumbethe
Me: baba I’m wearing a robe njena
Him: that’s not enough. Zesizwe you’re still not well
Me: I’m sorry dad (I’m mocking him)
Him: I’m serious njalo. You have to be more careful
Me: I’m sorry babe. I didn’t realize it might get chilli. I wasn’t
cold
He looks at me
Him: it’s ohk. I’ve missed you. (he pulls me closer to lay in his
arms)
Me: me too. (I reach for a kiss and he gives me a baby kiss)
Him: how are you feeling? Getting better?
Me: I’m fine love. Everything is well with me
Him: ohk I’m glad. You scared me when I didn’t find you in bed.
Me: where did you think I was?
Him: I don’t know. Home? Out?
Me: you’re silly. Stop all this worrying
Him: with you, I can’t not worry. You’re too naughty
Me: I’d have told you if I was stepping out, stop worrying
Him: you’re too naughty, I repeat.
Me: I think that’s why you love me..
I laugh and wiggle my nose.
Xoli: now can we watch the movie? Can I press play?
Sabelo and I look up and laugh cause honestly we’d forgotten
they were even here.
Me: I’m sorry mamie. Press Play.
Msikeleli chuckles. The movie goes on. By the time the movie
finishes it’s already 19h18 and we haven’t had dinner because
of all this popcorn we’ve been eating.
Sabelo: baby you need to eat so you can take your meds
Me: I’m not hungry nje

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Him: you have to eat even a little bit. Come, let’s go.
He gets up and helps me up. Msike and Xoli are laughing at me
Xoli: welcome to my life
Ms: ai ai sthandwa I’m not as bad as Sabelo (he chuckles).
Sabelo is amplified
Xoli: yeah (she laughs) you’re right baby you’re not as bad
Sabelo: ai yeey kahleni. Baby, asambe
We get out and they follow. We get to the lounge and eat up then
he goes upstairs and gets my medication and gives it to me. I
take the meds and we sit on the couches and cuddle watching tv.
Xoli signals me for the kitchen and I get up to go for some water
Sabelo: I’ll ge..
Me: no I’ll go haau ngeke. I need to stretch a little
Him: then let me come with you
Me: no. Xoli will.
She gets up and we head for the kitchen.
Me: yaah
Her: Nzuzo called me
Me: yah
Her: he feels terrible. He says he can’t erase the look in your
eyes when he spoke to you that way that day
Me: oh, ohk.
Her: I told him to come over kodwa I have no idea their
reactions. Actually it’s Sabelo I’m worried about
Me: I don’t know Sabelo mad either. I can only hope my being
there is enough to calm him down
Her: please try, even if it means you play dead (we laugh) I’m
serious, Sabelo is a beast when he’s mad, he can’t really be
tamed.
Me: let’s go before they pick up we’re up to something
We head to the lounge with water and some snacks. As we were
just settling in the buzzer at the door rings. Msikeleli goes and
gets the door. There’s silence. My heart is having a marathon.
Kodwa noNzuzo wayethini?.
Nzuzo: Bafo
Silence…
Ms: ngena ndoda
That time I’m looking at Sabelo and pleading with my eyes. Ooh
Father can you come down already. Nzuzo and Msikeleli
approach and Sabelo turns and sees Nzuzo. He stands up

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Him: what are you doing here?
Nzuzo: bafo can we talk? Please
Him: I don’t think there’s anything you have to say that I want
to hear
Nzuzo: bafo I was out of line I’m sorry
Him: you were. You crossed the line by miles Nzuzo. Ukhuluma
nje ukhulumiswa ukungazi
Nzuzo: Sizwe Sakhe ngya..
Sabelo: don’t even say her name. you can’t call the names of
people who are dead. You can’t wish her dead and come back
here and call her name. you don’t deserve to say her name (he’s
boiling. I already see that this wont be easy. Not at all.)
Msike: bafo please calm down. We need to talk about this as
brothers. We need to reach some conclusion
Me: we’ll give y’all some space
Sabelo: you’re going nowhere maKhumalo. Sit down (he’s firm. I
can’t contest this). uNzuzo ozohamba
Me: baby please (I stand up and stand infront of him.
Understand Sabelo is taller than me so now I’m just this stompie
trying to plead his brothers case) please baba just hear him out.
Ngyakcela Mbatha wamm
He looks at me and I know he’s still mad cause his eyes are still
on fire. I’m trying here and Xoli maintains silence
Him: no. There’s nothing I have to hear (he’s still mad)
Me: baby please. You won’t know this unless you li…
Him: Zesizwe NO! Know your place, I can handle my own. Stay
in your lane (he’s shouting at me in frustration and no I will not
have that)
Me: No. NO! With all due respect I won’t let you do this. What is a
lane? I don’t have a lane, I don’t even know where the lane is
and don’t you dare talk to me like that (I try to be firm but it’s
pretty obvious I’m trying too hard)
Him: Zesizwe y’all don’t understand. I can just see y’all don’t
understand
Me: I do. I understand but we all know he didn’t mean it.
Him: you can’t take back words spoken (he sounds sad,
depressed). He spoke as if he didn’t see me suffer the whole
week watching you lie helpless
Me: baby he didn’t let me die, he infact saved my life

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Him: and in the same breathe wished he let you die (he sounds
soo broken when he says this it actually breaks my heart)
Me: baby he didn’t. He wouldn’t have. Please just hear him out.
He saved my life.
He calms down. He looks at me and his eyes soften. His eyes are
wet, like he wants to cry.
Me: baby please.
Now I’m the one who’s crying. My tears just roll. He wipes my
tears and just rests his hands on my cheeks.
Him: if you’d died, I never would have survived, I wouldn’t have
made it
Me: I didn’t die
Him: oh God, I love you soo much I sometimes feel like I’m losing
my mind. (he’s serious, he’s sincere)
Me: I love you too Sabelo, I love you more
Him: oh God, I love you most. I can never imagine you leave me,
let alone die. The thought of burying you gets to me soo bad
Me: we celebrate that I didn’t die, we celebrate that I’m still
alive. I’m alive baby
Him: oh God Sizwe samm (he’s teary) I could never
I move closer and I hold him, he holds me.
Me: baby please just hear him out. I need yall to be ok again, I
can’t have yall be enemies cause of me. Please sthandwa samm
(I’m crying not just for the idea of me dying but also because I
feel like Nzuzo is soo close yet he’s soo far. He’s here now and
wants to talk and if Sabelo shuts him out they might never talk
again and I don’t want to come into this family in that manner.
Me being an addition shouldn’t cause division amongst them.)
Him: sit. (he says after a good 2 minutes of my soft sobs)
Nzuzo does just that. Everyone else sits and Xoli is at the edge of
her seat. I sit next to Sabelo and he holds my hand. I’m shaking
istrue. He realizes I’m shaking and looks at me while he holds
my hand firm. I’m guessing that he’s trying to reassure me.
Nzuzo: I came here to just express how sorry I am to you
Zesizwe. I wasn’t thinking straight. I just got mad when you
mentioned mom that I didn’t think to hear the whole story
Sabelo: but did you hear her say anything about our mother?
Nzuzo: that’s why I apologize. It’s only after Msikeleli explained
that I realized the damaged I’d caused. I crossed the line.
Ngyaxolisa. Zesizwe you’ve been kind to me, I was just jealous

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that mom would visit you when she’s never even come to me
through a dream after begging her almost every night to let me
see her atleast cause I was still a teenager when she died and
she never visited even through a dream, then with you whom
she doesn’t even know she just visits you.. (he’s emotional)
I get up hug him. I did think it’s old wounds really that were the
problem not that he really wished me dead. I’m holding him and
he just cries out
Nzuzo: I’m soo sorry. I’d never wish you any harm cause I know
how much you mean to my brother. (sniffs) I’m soo sorry, I
don’t even know what we’d have done without you
Me: shhh (I pat his back) it’s ohk. I know you didn’t mean it. It’s
ohk.
We pull apart and we’re both crying, Xoli is crying too. I hold
both his cheeks and wipe his tears with my thumbs. I’ve really
forgiven him, it was Sabelo I was worried about. We both turn to
look at him and he did cry a second. His eyes were kind of wet.
Me: baby can y’all just sort it out? Get up and hug it out. Please.
He sits still for a second “you really hurt me Nzuzo. You made
me feel like you didn’t understand my heartache the whole time.
A part of me felt like you don’t care about me or my wife when
you said that. I forgive you mfwethu. I forgive you”
Xoli: hug it out hhau
They get closer and hug. A few seconds later
Sabelo: ai phela only MaKhumalo is to hug me that long haah
We laugh it out, me inbetween the tears
Me: aren’t you hungry?
Sabelo: he’s always hungry lo (they laugh)
Me: I’ll go get you some food
Sabelo: now you’re pushing it. He knows his way to the kitchen
aibow.
Xoli: I’ll go. I’ll get him food
Msikeleli: hhaibo. Why must you go? Nzuzo go get your own
food.
He gets up and marches to the kitchen
Me: Sabelo let me go to him
Him: ai
Me: please
He hesitantly lets go of me and I wobble walk to the kitchen. I
find Nzuzo looking for something in the fridge

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Me: finding it?
Him: I’m looking for my prune juice
Me: oh that’s in the storage cupboard. We weren’t sure how long
you might take to come back home so I packed it away cause
your brother was gonna dispose it
Him: thank you. I’m really sorry SizweSakhe
Me: don’t mention it. There’re salads in the fridge, I kept your
gherkins in the pantry
Him: ohk thanks. You’re too kind (he smiles) I heard brother
say “my wife”. Has the brother proposed?
I flash my left hand at him and he sees it
Me: he did when I got discharged it’s only izolo that he put the
ring on.
Him: oh congratulations. Welcome to the family (he gives me a
hug)
Me: thank you. Now come let’s go back. You gotta eat.
Him: you mean before Sabelo comes looking for you
I laugh as we make our way back to the lounge
Sabelo: I was about to come get y’all
Nzuzo and I look at each other and laugh. Because well..
Me: ai kahle. We were just talking. Also couldn’t find his juice.
Sabelo: let’s go. You need to rest. We’re sending the letter to
your father tomorrow. And your sisters are coming for dinner
this weekend. I spoke noZama earlier today.
Me: oh. Ohk. Have y’all decided on the proposed date?
Him: that will depend on your father but we asked for the
weekend that’s to follow
Me: oh. Ohk.
Him: come on, let’s go. You need to rest I don’t want that Dr
giving me a hard time about you not resting enough
Nzuzo: what Dr?
Me: I’ll be in bed all day tomorrow, your brother got me a drip
and so his bedroom will be a hospital tomorrow
Sabelo: OUR bedroom
Nzuzo: that will be good for you. Will clear your system. I’m glad
he did that for you
Sabelo: yah tell her lil monkey
Me: I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Nzuzo you’re staying over neh?
Nzuzo: I hadn’t planned on it

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Me: ai kahle. We’ve missed you. I’ll see you tomorrow at
breakfast. Goodnight guys
Sabelo: MaNdlela maJongo akithi. Goodnight.

We head upstairs and he changes to his jammies and I remove

my robe. I sit on the automan by the mirror and lotion my arms
and hands before I see Sabelo standing right behind me
Him: you’re a strong woman Sizwe samm
I look at him in the eye from the mirror
Me: thank you. I should say. Thank you for doing what you did
today. I’m glad you got to hear him out
Him: it was the sincerity in your voice and your tears, Zesizwe
you have to stop crying. When you cry you make me want to do
things that will make you ohk. I hate seeing your tears
Me: I was soo scared y’all would divide I got overwhelmed.
Him: and to think you never used to cry and now they just flow
Me: you asked to be strong for me, you said you’d be strong for
me
Him: and I’m gonna be every ounce of that. (he hugs me from
behind) nothing and no one will ever hurt you again. I’d go
apeshit on anything that even thinks of breathing harm to your
direction
Me: I know babe. You were willing to disown your own brother. I
appreciate that, but you have to be willing to hear reason.
Him: whether I hear reason or not, I will not compromise when
it comes to you, I will not compromise in anyway
Me: not when it comes to your brothers baby
Him: even when it comes to my brothers ( he’s firm). Sandile no
Syabonga are coming tomorrow. They asked to see you. (he’s
changing the subject. But I’ll let him because he resolved the
issue with his brother.
Me: but isn’t tomorrow drip day? (I laugh)
Him: phela they won’t come ekseni.
“ohk” I yawn.
“come on. Let’s get you to bed” he says as he gets me up.
Me: why ungenza ingane? You say “lets get you to bed” like
you’re gonna carry a toddler there
Him: you’re my baby aren’t you?
Me: I am love kodwa it’s like you think for me sometimes.
Him: you don’t like that?

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Me: not that I don’t like it, I find it rather strange. I’m not
complaining though
Him: ohk, cause vele I won’t stop. LET’S GET YOU TO BED. (we
laugh.)
The moment we get to bed I dose off and sleep. I usually fall
asleep first vele and nothing changed this time.

Chapter eight

He leaves me to sleep in today. Well he lets me wake up at 9. I go

shower and join the others for breakfast.
Nzuzo: nice of you to finally join us
Me: ai it’s these meds istrue
Nzuzo: yeah yeah I know. He did put you on some strong ones.
Me: nilale kahle kodwa?
Xoli: slalile sisi. Akfananga nina?
Sabelo: she slept alright, she was snoring the whole night
Me: I did not (I hit his shoulder)
Ms: you did. He came downstairs to join me and said your
snoring was too much
Me: guys I don’t snore
Xoli: you wouldn’t know phela sisi
Yeah right. We eat breakfast and Dr Ramdaas pulls through at
11. He was happy with me and I really didn’t need a drip but I
put it on to have Sabelo feel like I’m flushing for real. 2 hours
later Nzuzo came to take it off cause oSandile were here. I’d
even fallen asleep.
Me: where’s your brother?
Him: he was right here then they went to the Ballito Junction.
He said you needed some toileteries and so bahambe noXoli
noMsike to get you some stuff

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Me: oh. Ohk
Him: Sandile are here. They say they told Sabelo they’d be
coming
Me: yeah they did. Tell them I’m coming I need to freshen up.
He leaves and I brush my teeth and take off my shorts and put
on my trackpants.
I walk out and as I appear from the top of the stairs Nzuzo runs
up to me to help me down (not that I needed it, but I’m not
complaining). As we get down stairs and they’re all just there.
Sandile, Syabonga, Ndumiso, Mvelo, Charlotte, Lwandle and
Samkelo
Me: san’bona (my smile drags to the very end of my face)
Charlotte: giiiiirl are we happy to see you. Yeey you scared us
Me: I’m a strongbow I always say
They all come to hug me
Mvelo: you scared us. Yeses!
Me: awu I’m sorry guys.
Samkelo: don’t be babe, it’s not like you did that to yourself
Ndumiso: uphi uSabelo? I thought he’d be here the whole time,
he never gives you any space or let you be alone (there’s
sarcasm there but I don’t have time for that.)
Nzuzo: he is. He went to get her some toileteries. He says she’s
out of some products and couldn’t let Xoli go alone because she
doesn’t know the stuff uSizweSakhe uses
Sandile: yeey! Uyakuthanda nangu umuntu. I’ve never seen
anything like this in my life. Who buys toileteries for a woman?
(he looks and even sounds really shocked)
Ndumiso: wait wait wait, who even knows the kinds of
toileteries a woman uses or even pays attention to them being
finished
Samkelo: Sabelo does. Just because y’all don’t do it doesn’t mean
it’s not a way to go
Charlotte: Zesizwe would never cheat on Sabelo because he
covers all grounds for her. Nibble on that before you comment
on things some men do to make the lives of their women easier
Samkelo: kithina sonke Sizwe, you’re the most blessed woman
amongst us, no flip that, you’re the most blessed woman I know.
Me: he humbles me soo much. (I try getting up from the couch
cause I’m cold and need to go get myself a fleece)
Nzuzo: usukuma uyaphi ndoda?

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Me: I need to go get a fleece, I’m a little cold
Him: and you couldn’t ask me to go get it for you?
Me: awu you’ve been watching me the whole time, the least I can
do is get my fleece
Him: nonsense. If you fall la ngothini mina kuSabelo?
Me: you’d tell him you’re not my baby sitter
We laugh. Everybody is looking at us. Some jaw dropped. It’s like
they don’t believe he offered to go upstairs for my fleece. He gets
up and goes to get it.
Ndumiso: so everybody nje just spoils you nje in this household?
Ai Zesizwe ubaloye ngani labafana?
Samkelo: let love prevail please. Let them spoil her
Syabonga: aibow is that a ring I see? Aibow uBafo lo
Me: he put it on yesterday y’all
The ladies are screaming
Lwandle: I saw it coming. From the very beginning I just knew it
I feel a heaviness, he’s here, he’s close.
Sandile: I did too. The day he came to me and just said “I met
her. I saw her and I’m going after her with everything” then he
came back months later and said “she broke it down. She
allowed me to love her. Today she cried on me” that day I knew
Person: ai nina enough. (he says soo warmly)
I turn around and it’s him. He comes and sits next to me. He
kisses my cheek
Him: you ohk baby?
Me: yup. I’m all good. I missed you. (I place my hand on his
cheek)
Him: me too baby, I was suffering soo bad without seeing you. I
ended up not getting everything I intended to
Me: hhau why wouldn’t you?
Him: it was too much time away from you babe, I also didn’t
want you get up and not find me beside you
Me: you’ve been working from right next to me since I got back,
I’d have understood
Him: aaai. Wasn’t gonna work for me
I’m just there melting again. He does that soo effortlessly.
Nzuzo: guys there’s food ready. Let’s get us some lunch.
Sizwesakhe you can eat some real food today
Me: I sure will.

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We’re all talking and laughing when Ndumiso breaks into
something rather complicated for this atmosphere
Ndu: Zesizwe I’m really sorry for how your braai ended that day
Me: aarg don’t mention it (I dismiss him)
Samkelo: do we really have to talk about this now?
Me: it’s ohk guys. I’m hungry can we eat? I’ve missed me some
meeeeaaaaaaatttt!
They all laugh
Sandile: the ladies are also very sorry.
Msikeleli: guys don’t start. Don’t open that can of worms. Don’t
open it.
Sabelo: guys I don’t want us to talk about this. I don’t wanna go
crazy up in here
I carry on eating. Me I love my food.
Syabonga: can she talk for herself? Can y’all allow her to talk for
herself
Sabelo: first sign of disrespect is coming into my house and
talking to me like that. Watch your tone. (his voice stern as he
points at him)
They all turn to look at me and I look up
Me: what?
Sandile: the ladies would like to see you
Me: I don’t wanna see them.
I sip my juice.

Sabelo
I don’t understand why they think it’s ohk for them to come
here and talk to my woman and then tell me that I need to let
her talk. I’ll step back though because I know she can handle her
own and she’s very calm, they know as much as I do that she’ll
tell them off with a smile on her face and a tone that doesn’t
change. The way she does that is an art I’m yet to learn

Me: well y’all heard her. She’s not interested

Syabonga: MaKhumalo please. Just hear them out
Her: hear what out? That they tried to kill me? Huh? (well I
never expected this, I’m infact shocked by it my eyes pop. her
voice raises.
Sandile: they just want to explain themselves

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Her: let them go to the graveyard where they were supposed to
bury me and explain themselves.
This particular statement makes my heart rate pick up
drastically. She’s right. They should do that because honestly
they wanted her dead. Who would they explain to had she died?
Ndumiso: syacela. We have a wedding coming up and Sandile is
worried y’all might not come because of this misunderstanding
Her: misunderstanding? You call attempted murder a
misunderstanding? Perhaps we need to revise the definition of
the word. Coming here and telling me about misunderstanding
and no I’m not coming to no wedding. Sandile is marrying
Yonela. None of them are my friends. She tried to kill me and
Sandile is Sabelos friend so expect Sabelo not me. Infact don’t
even expect him. The Mbathas will not be in attendance. (I’m
just here thinking “get them babe”)
The room is silent. The bell rings emnyango. Xoli gets the door
and in comes Yonella, Sli and Londi. I look to Zesizwe, she hasn’t
noticed and I stand up next to her cause I don’t know what she
might do. She seems to be handling this pretty well. I’m curious
to see how far she can go when she’s angry, I’ve never seen her.
I’ll only intervene should she get violent cause I don’t want her
hurting herself otherwise, I’ll just watch. I signal my brothers to
sit down when I see they’re ready to act
Zesizwe: (she looks up and her face changes) what are they
doing here?
Ndumiso: they just wanna apologise
Her: so you didn’t hear me when I said I don’t wanna see them?
You missed that part of my speech!
Sandile: they were already here. Please
Her: what do you guys not understand by what I just said? Huh?
I don’t care to know. We’re not friends, I don’t care to know or
hear their apologies
Yonella: Zesizwe
Her: yeeeeey! You don’t say my name. who would you be calling
had y’all succeeded and killed me?
Nella: please. I didn’t know about the poison, I’d never do that to
you or even my worst enemy.
Zeh: and do I look like I care? I need y’all to get out of my house
Sli: Zesiz..

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She jumps from her seat almost like she’s loosing her mind,
almost like she’s about to blow up
Her: heeeeeeeeeeeeh (she screams and points at Slie) you’re the
last person who’s story I wanna hear. Don’t, don’t drive me
crazy. Get out. All of y’all get out I don’t wanna see y’all. Get out.
Out here trying to kill me then coming here and thinking an
apology will sort it all out
Nella: I know I said some terrible things about you but that’s
because I didn’t know you. After seeing you with him at
Starbucks you were perfect, unfortunately I could’nt take back
the words I’d said to them before

She looks at me. Then at everybody in the room. Almost like

she’s scanning everybody then she speaks
Her: is that all you came here to say? Cause I’ve heard you.
Londi: do you realize that our relationships right now depends
on the outcome of this conversation
Her: and hows that any of my business?
Londi: Zesizwe please
Her: oh so now I’m no longer princess? Now you know my name
Syabonga: maKhumalo please.
Her: don’t “please” me. Don’t you dare say please. We’re done
here. I’ll go upstairs a second, if I dare come back here and find
y’all still sitting on my chairs around my table I will blow up all
y’alls brains then claim it was self defense before selling this
house and leaving y’alls restless souls in it. GET OUT!

With that she gets up to leave the room. This scared me, I was
never ready for that and neither was anyone in the room
because the looks in their eyes are too much to bear. Nzuzo
smiles, well that’s cause he’s an idiot. She turns and sees their
still not moving “did y’all not here me? Did y’all all not hear
what I just said to y’all or is this yet another “disrespect Sizwe”
session?. All of y’all get out of my house. Ndumiso Sandile get
y’alls women out of my house before I go to prison for murder.
Get out, now get out.. what level of disrespect is this? GET OUT
ALL OF YOU, OUT”
Xoli follows her upstairs
Me: well she handled that quite well. I’m not silent because I
have nothing to say but I was giving her a chance to say what

191
she wanted to say so she gets whatever was on her chest out
cause I didn’t want it affecting her later. But now I’ll speak and
y’all know I only speak once. Get out of my house and never
come back. Your’ll are not welcome here.
Nella: please Sabelo, I understand you can write us off without
thinking twice but honestly I knew nothing about the poison
Xoli comes back with Zesizwe coming behind her, I assume Xoli
spoke her into coming back
Sandile: please Sabelo. I need you guys at the wedding. Zesizwe
ngyacela atleast think about it
She looks at them and sits back on her couch and covers with a
fleece while browsing through tv channels. It’s like she went
upstairs to collect herself then come back like she sees none of
them.

Zesizwe
I just sit there browsing through channels. Xoli came to get me
and said I shouldn’t run, that if anyone was to leave that lounge
it’s them and not me. She said I need to be strong and not give
out an impression that Sabelo must fight my battles. Not that I
cared but I came down just so she doesn’t feel like her views are
stupid if I don’t take her advice.
Nella: for what its worth, Sizwesakhe I’m really sorry. I judged
you before I got to know you and now I’m paying for that. I’m
sorry.
Sli: atleast we came to apologise, the rest is up to her really
Ndumiso: not once have I heard you say you’re sorry
Sli: Ndumiso are you gonna keep punishing me like this?
Ndumiso: I’m just saying I haven’t heard a single sorry from you
and by the looks of things if you do say it you wouldn’t mean it.
It would be a tick box activity
Londi: honestly I don’t know why we’re here. I’m not gonna
apologise for anything so maybe we should just go
Ndumiso: you’re gonna apologise even if you don’t mean it
Sabelo: and who said my house is a place for y’alls arguments?
Who said my wife cares for y’alls unsincere apologies? Aibow
maybe I’ve become too soft, the fact that Zesizwe is here doesn’t
mean I can’t take care of my own. Don’t push my hand. Get out.
Msikeleli get them out of my house before I go to jail for murder.
(he looks at them) I’m still gonna avenge for Zesizwes stay in

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hospital. I’m still waiting for her to heal. Nobody touches my
woman. Now get out
Ndumiso: you realize that if we leave now we may never come
back
Sabelo: I guess this is goodbye then. I don’t want y’alls woman
near my house, let alone my wife. If y’all choose to stay away
from me for protecting my family, then I guess this is it for us.
Ndumiso: I wonder what voodoo she gave you
Sabelo: the real makoya. Now go.
Sandile: no man this is not it. We can’t throw away what we
have because of some stupid stunt these women pulled
Sabelo: well that “stupid” stunt nearly leave me without my
heart and I’m not gonna risk it again, so as long as y’all keep
them away from me and my home because next time there will
be blood shed. That’s a promise. I didn’t get to where I am today
by just walking away from trouble. I deal with things and I deal
with them well. I’ve spoken enough, Sandile take y’alls women
away from here. Especially Sli no Londi, they make me sick.
I go upstairs because obviously I wasn’t heard nor is Sabelo. I
head to the safe and return with Sabelos gun. It’s not loaded, it’s
empty, so breathe. I walk back down with a gun hanging from
my hand, I didn’t need to say a word and
They grabbed them and headed for the door. Sabelo is shocked
out of his ass when he sees me. Infact they all are, but Nzuzo is
smiling
Me: it’s empty. Too much talking was going on I needed some
silence. (I toss it on the coffee table)
Sabelo: MaKhumalo no guns, I don’t want you even touching
them
Me: you must be kidding, cause I’m getting my own. I walk off
Sabelo: what the hell do they think this is? Kahle kahle what do
they think I am?
Msikeleli: calm down bafo, they’re gone now
Nzuzo: ukuthi bayacika and this thing is annoying really. You
don’t do this to people. As for Sli and Londi they showed no
remorse
Xoli: such disrespect
They all turn to look at her. Xoli never involves herself in the
brothers serious conversations. It’s no wonder they’re shook
that she actually spoke

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Msikeleli: uqinsile maNdlela. Ukungahloniphi ukuthi
bengazosihlasela kanje. (Sabelo goes upstairs and comes back
with a backpack and my neck support pillow for when we travel
long distances)
Sabelo:MaKhumalo
I look up at him
Him: lets go for a drive (he gives out his hand and I take it)
We walk out, he gets my door as always and we leave in the
Range. I don’t know where we’re going but I don’t dare ask.
Before we reach the gate I ask
Me: did you bring my medication?
Him: yes I did. Everything is in the backpack.
Me: ohk. When are we coming back?
Him: when we’re tired of driving
I prepare myself and put on my seat belt and push the chair
back. I’m gonna have to be comfortable. We drive for what
seems like forever till we reached Hluhluwe. My bum started
hurting and so we pulled over at Hluhluwe lodge, which is where
we spent the night. He called his brother letting them know we
we’re safe and we did the things that night. We did the things
soo bad my whole body was weak. Immediately after, I slept.

Next morning
She’s still sleeping. I don’t want to wake her. She’s too pretty
and peaceful. Last night I spent a few hours just staring at her
and she was just perfect with all this hair even on her face. She
opens her eyes and she sees me staring. She smiles.
Me: goodmorning beautiful.
Her; goodmorning love.
She gets up and touches my face
Her: last night baby. (She shakes her head) last night you did
the most
Me: I didn’t drive this far to play
We laughed for days. I don’t know this laugh of hers. She laughs
like a toddler. It’s the cutest laugh I’ve ever heard.
Her: you’re stupid
Everytime she calls me stupid or an idiot my heart does what we
used to call a “bum jive”, this is because I know that she is
indirectly loving and appreciating me. She gets up and goes to

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brush her teeth and wash her face. About 5 minutes later she
comes back to bed.
Me: don’t you miss home?
Her: you are my home Sabelo, where ever I am, long as I’m with
you, I am home. (she says this soo innocently)
Oooh the moment she said that I felt like going out and
screaming to the world that I’ve found her. The one who holds
my heart I’ve found her.
Me: ooh baby that sounds just right. I love you
Her: I love you too. Now lets go eat, I’m hungry.
We have breakfast and get in the car and drive back to Durban.
She’s listening to some Nina Simon and I know better than to
disturb her but I do anyway
Me: baby
Her: yes love (she looks at me)
Me: I didn’t know you could spit fire like that
Her: fire?
Me: yesterday, I didn’t know you could get that angry in life.
Yeey I kept thinking about the calm you and matching her to
that beast you turned into. Hhai I fear you
Her: don’t. I’m still the same old. Those people just got to me too
much
Me: but baby there was a time when you screamed and I nearly
grab everything that was in that room with my bare hands
Her: I’m glad you didn’t. they made me soo mad coming up in my
house like they cared about me and the fact that they nearly kill
me
I love it when she says “our house” or “my house” or “my
bedroom” or anything that puts her ownshership to all we own.
All that’s left now is “my husband”
Me: I feel like unolaka yet you compress it soo well. You make it
look sexy. But I’m not saying use it on me (we laugh)
Her: I wont. I like to think I’m in control of my feelings but the
thought of me dead before I fullfil my purpose drove me crazy.
How dare they try to eliminate me before the world benefits
from my gift. They must just try me I’ll show them flames I
swear
Her eyes boil with anger. This topic really annoys her so I skip
the song playing for her favourite number by Nina Simon “my
baby just cares for me” and the minute she hears the piano she

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starts moving to the beat and she sings for me as we drive down
to her jazzy music. She really enjoys this stuff maybe that’s why
she’s soo chilled.

We get home just after lunch and everybody is sitting at the

lounge talking. Xoli is cooking. Zesizwe walks in and greets
them. They reply but barely looking at her. She doesn’t notice
this and she walks and goes upstairs as I remain down here
Me: and then? Why y’all looking at my wife like that?
Nzuzo: she’s not your wife yet (he chuckles)
Me: you know what I mean. Why y’all looking at her like that?
Msike: like what?
Me: aibo y’all look uncomfortable, yini?
Nzuzo: we don’t know how to act around her
Me: why don’t y’all? (they had me confused)
Msike: after yesterday hhai Bafo you got your work cut out
Me: yeey I was just telling her on our way back. I’ve never seen
her like that
Nzuzo: she went beast on us. I was just sitting here and
thinking. Comparing the Zesizwe we know to the one we saw
izolo, they’re different people.
Me: ai bafo that bad?
Xoli: Msikeleli spent the whole night talking about how shook he
was. I never thought I’d ever see her like that. She was
breathing fire
Msikeleli: unolaka uMaKhumalo and she sure knows how to
protect her own. That woman, is a beast
Nzuzo: admit it kodwa it was a little sexy
Me: yeey khuzeka. That’s my woman you’re talking about. I saw
you smiling izolo I felt like slapping you
Nzuzo: I was watching her in action. That was a proud moment
for me. I always knew there was fire in her, I always wondered
when I’d see her unleash and I’m glad I was here to witness it all
Sabelo: I knew there was something kodwa not that much. She
was burning up
Nzuzo: I enjoyed every second of it. I just was gonna make sure
nobody gets hurt especially her, otherwise I’d have watched
that the whole night. I always knew there’s no way someone
could be that calm in life. Yeey she was just too calm

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Sabelo: she’s a calm soul though. She’s just calm by nature.
Kshuthi she reacts when provoked.
Msikeleli: don’t try to tame her. Let her protect her own best she
knows how. She’s not impulsive which is good. She would’nt do
something she’s not aware of. If you dare try to tame her, she’ll
rebel against you
Me: I’m not worried about her
Xoli: that was scary though
Nzuzo: that was a woman protecting her territory. A lioness
protecting her family. Tread carefully Sabelo that woman
upstairs is no pushover
Voice: so this is it now? Now y’all will sit here discussing me?
We all jump of our seats surprised to have her behind us we
didn’t hear her come down.
Me: no. no we’re not discussing you baby
Her: then what do we call this tea party y’all having here? (she
smiles and everyones face relaxes cause she’s not mad)
Her: Msikeleli, Xoli, Sabelo, Nzuzo (she sighs) I’m sorry you had
to see what you witnessed izolo. It will never happen again,
atleast not infront of any of your’ll. That was a mistake and
disrespectful to have had ubhuti omdala and his wife witness
that. I’m sorry
Me: don’t be
Msikeleli: you needn’t apologize Zesizwe. We totally understand.
We’re just talking about how much we didn’t think you had that
in you. Those people nearly kill you and it’s understandable you
reacted that way. If it were one of us honestly there would have
been some people leaving in body bags. You don’t have to be
sorry.
Her: still, i..
Me: no baby stop explaining and apologizing. You had people
who attempted to kill you ambush you in your own home. I’m
surprised you didn’t gun on them for real
Her: I wouldn’t go that far(she smiles) but maybe should there
be a next time I really will
We’re all looking at her shocked. Then we smile along as we see
her smile
Me: you don’t have to go that far
Her: I get this feeling that this is not yet over. I need to be
prepared

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Msikeleli: what do you mean? You think they’re not yet done?
Her: did you not see how unapologetic they were izolo? They
only came here as a formality because y’all are in business
together otherwise that doesn’t mean they stopped trying to
fulfil Nomsas mandate and what was that that Ndumiso said,
that if they leave they may never come back? Was that a
threat?
Nzuzo: she has a point
Her : I know I do. When they strike I need to be ready. Nobody
will mess with me and what I love. I may be a sofety and a
daddies girl but I’m no coward. I sure know how to handle my
business. I’ve watched too many movies and read too many
books to know when trouble comes lurking and I know just how
to handle it
This scares me. This woman is my wife. I have to protect her.
She shouldn’t feel the need to be protecting herself. I see how
my brothers are looking at me and I know now that she means
business and I’m just hoping she’s not an adrenelin junky
because then that would mean one incident of poisoning has
turned my sweet pea into a beast.
Me: baby
Her: yes love
She looks at me most sincerely
Me: I will protect you, we all will
Her: I know you will
Me: you don’t have to get violent. You don’t have to try to
protect yourself
Her: baby you’re not omnipresent
Me: but baby you don’t have to try protecting yourself, we have
enough resources to cover that
Her: I won’t try to protect myself baby, I will.

Xoli thoughts.

I’ve been a part of this family a while now. I know most of their
secrets if not all and not once have I had the privilidge to do
such. See I like Zesizwe and when she first came into the family

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I was sure we’d get along. She’s not used to this life, I can tell
now seeing how she thinks these men will let her get a gun
especially after yesterday. I’m sitting here looking at them and
they’re listening to her speak nonsense even my husband is
listening to all this gun nonsense she’s talking about. Why must
she be dramatic? Why can’t she just be a Mbatha wife like all of
us and just stay home and raise kids for this man? She has
people come over to apologise then she goes crazy on them and
gets to spend the night at Hluhluwe just because people she’s
not fond off came over to “her house”. She’s too spoilt and Sabelo
is not making things better by jumping to her every demand. It’s
the effect of these suburbs she grew up in using washing
machines and dishwashers. I’m the eldest wife and suddenly I
take the back seat just because the mighty KaKhumalo has
joined. I get a little jealous, I don’t hate her I’m just still trying to
figure what Sabelo sees that drives him soo crazy. Last I
checked he listened to me so maybe I need to find ways to take
him back home so he sees a traditional healer and get rid of all
this witchcraft. Sabelo has dated a few women but this one in
particular makes him eat at the palm of her hands. I can’t allow
this. No I can’t.

Chapter nine
3 years later
Everything has been quiet. It’s just been me and my now official
husband. Sabelo and his uncles went home and they paid my
fathers dues. He was more than happy to give me away because
even he figured that Sabelo was man enough for his baby girl.
He still checks up on me every other day because he says I’ll
always be his girl. I now get regular visits from the Mbatha
family especially aunt Phumzile and Thandeka. Phili and her
Mom have only been here once. We had the umembeso in
Ladysmith and yes I used Sabelos money even for uMabo. My

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new name by the way is Siphosethu Zesizwe Mbatha. Yes they
let me keep my name because Sabelo refused they take it off
completely he still says Sizwe Samm but more often uses Sipho
samm. We decided to put the white wedding on hold because I
was really in no mood to plan a wedding and Sabelo was more
than happy to. Amongst Sabelos friends they all came except for
the obvious ladies. My internship ended close to 2 years ago and
I was absorbed into HR Officer, then I left a year later and
focused on the famileies property business and Baby Vision is
growing steadily. After great grief, I have learnt to brew
umqombothi and I’m learning the steam bread. Sabelo has been
patient with me as far as learning to make the traditional dishes
is concerned though his fathers family tried to give me a hard
time, he stood up for me. Sabelo loves me, I don’t doubt that for a
split second.

Sabelo and I have been married about 3 years now. We still have
no kids and we’ve spoken about it a couple of times but I don’t
think I wanna talk about it any further. It bothers him
sometimes but because he doesn’t wanna break my heart he
avoids the topic or even raising it.

I’m sitting in the kitchen thinking and I keep asking God to be

nice to me just this once, to just give me atleast one baby before
Sabelo feels the need to get a baby elsewhere. We’ve been good
but I see he feels the void. I see the way he looks at babies at the
malls or at church, I see the way he loves Msikelelis babies and
all other family babies during family gatherings.
Him; Penny for your thoughts
Me: huh (surprised)
Him: baby you’re even jumpy. What’s happening?
Me: nothing. I didn’t hear you come in. I cooked. Go up and
bathe, I’ve run your bath (I feel a lump on my throat
Him: no I don’t want to bathe and I don’t want food, I wanna
know what’s happening with you
Me: nothing nothing (I get off the chair trying to avoid contact
because I see now that I will break

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Him: Siphosethu, you were’nt even at the driveway to meet me
when I pulled in, you never miss that chance. something is
wrong. What is it??
Me: Nothing love, I just lost track of time
Him: Siphosethu!
Me: Sabelo!
Him: kwenzakalani?
Me: I have a lot on my mind that’s all. Please go bathe so you can
tell me about your day today
Him: you’re stressing me out. I can’t come from work being
stressed and come home to you looking blue and become more
stressed just cause you won’t tell me what’s going on
Me: Sabelo please (my voice shakes)
Him: baby talk to me
Me: why are you still with me? Why are you still here? I’ve been
thinking I leave.. you love babies and I can’t give you even a
single one.
Him: come here. (he takes my hand and we go to the lounge) is
that why you’re soo hurt? (he looks at me with such sadness)
baby it’s you I love, I don’t care about all else that seems to be
concerning matters beyond our control
Me: Sabelo don’t lie, it’s me you’re talking to, it’s me. You don’t
have to lie to me, baby I understand (my tears still flow) you
love babies, I see how you look at Msikelelis babies and all other
babies we ever come across
Him: but baby that’s instinctive behaviour, not that I have any
regrets, I love you
Me: and we all know that love alone is not enough.
I get up to walk away but before I get to the steps I turn to him
Me: 3 years, still no babies, your uncles have been on my case.
Our marriage has taken a strain, denial doesn’t eliminate the
problem.
I walk away and leave him downstairs. I go to bed early and he
joins me about 3 hours later, reeking of cognac. I’ve confirmed,
this stresses him out just like I thought it did. He gets into bed in
his suit pants and I don’t dare say a word
Him: it’s you I love. I love babies too but I love you more. If I had
to choose I’d choose you all over again. (he kisses my cheek) it’s
you I love. You’re not gonna leave me. It’s you I love.

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He falls asleep a few minutes later. A part of me was comforted
by that but babies won’t fall from the sky.

Today is Saturday and we’re driving up to ladysmith for some

family meeting that required the brothers be there so we all
have to go. I’m just glad Xoli will be there cause she’ll help with
the traditional foods we might have to cook. I get up early and
run the bath for uSabelo. Everything has become such a routine
for me since I stopped working and running some of his
property business. I feel like he hasn’t changed much, it’s me
who did. Ever since we found out I couldn’t conceive I felt
hopeless. I know I didn’t marry for kids but I can’t deny their
role. I get up from the chair in the bathroom to wake him up, I
turn around and he’s leaning on the door frame with his legs
crossed looking at me
Me: oh I didn’t hear you
Him: goodmorning Themba lami
Me: goodmorning baba (he smiles but it’s not his genuine smile)
I’ll go make breakfast
Him: no, no breakfast. Join me for a bathe
Me: I need to get the food ready, we have a long journey
Him: and 30 minutes in the bath with my wife won’t kill anyone
(I don’t want to argue with him. It’s been months since we had a
bathe together and so I just let him be)
Me: ohk. Come, let’s bathe (I give him a faint smile)
We get in the bath and he sits behind me as I rest my head on his
chest in silence
Him: I’m loosing you aren’t i?
Me: I don’t think I follow
Him: Siphosethu I miss you. You’ve become a shadow lost in this
house. Ever since we found out about your condition you just
retracted into someone I don’t know. You don’t sing anymore,
you don’t worry me anymore, all you do is cry. I don’t want you
to cry Siphosami. So what if you can’t have babies? You have
your girls, that should be enough
Me: that’s the thing, they’re my girls. I can’t give you yours.
He sighs because he knows that even he can’t get out of this one
Him: well I love you.
He washes my back and we both bathe and get out to get ready
for the journey. He wears his jeans and a baby blue tshirt with

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sneakers. I wear a long flare dress with a doek and light brown
sandals. I stand infront of the mirror to see if I look ohk. I don’t
feel like make up cause this trip has already drained me before
it’s even begun.
Him: you’re beautiful.
Me: thank you (I give a faint smile).
He takes the suitcases and goes to pack them in the car while I
prepare breakfast. He comes back from the car and helps me
make breakfast. We sit down and eat, after we do the dishes and
head out. We usually pray before we leave but I don’t feel like it.
Before we step out he speaks
Him: baby we haven’t prayed
Me: oh, sorry. Please lead us
Him: oh, ok. Close your eyes
I do just that and he prays, at the sound of Amen I step out and
to the car.

Sabelo
I lock the house and head to the car. I find Siphosethu already in
the car all strapped up and waiting for me
Me: oh you opened your own door
Her: I’m sorry. I figured we’re already late
Me: sthandwa samm I know you’re not ohk, but please don’t
take away my responsibilities
Her: I have bigger problems in life than to worry about you
opening my door. How about you open my womb so I may
conceive?
She snaps and this shocks her. I know this because I looked at
her and there was just sadness and disappointment in her eyes.
I won’t make noise or start an argument about this I know she
doesn’t mean it.
Her:“I’m sorry. That came out wrong , I didn’t mean it.
Ngyaxolisa”
she looks out the window. I start the car and off we go. We drive
a while and she doesn’t say a word, she doesn’t even dance or
sing along to her favourite jazz songs that I’ve tried to cheer her
up with. Just before we reach hammarsdale she talks
Her: can you please pass by BP I need a hot chocolate.
Me: ohk Sthandwa
Her: thank you.

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Hm, I’m really not gonna win this one. She’s even formal in her
speech. Since when does she say thank you and not sho or sharp
or cool? I pull over and she shows no movement so I know I need
to get her this hotchocolate. Then I get her her blueberry and
chocchip muffin as well as water and some energy drink for
myself. I give her her stuff and she drinks her hot choc and
doesn’t say a word. She changes the radio CD to iGagasi FM and
maintains her silence. Seeing her like this hurts me soo bad. I
wish I could do something but she won’t even go for counseling
she says she doesn’t need it and that it won’t take away her
worries. She’s become a shadow of herself. I continue driving.
She falls asleep. I keep stealing looks of her and she’s soo
beautiful, if only she knew that she was enough for me.
We arrive home and there are kids and cousins and some of the
my uncles outside. The kids come and open the gate and
everyone is excited. It just looks rather busy. Msikeleli, Xoli,
their babies Sqalo, Lunathi and Swelihle got here yesterday.
Nzuzo is still on his way. I get in and pull over next to Msikelelis
car. I wake Zesi up and the moment she sees the place she sighs
Me: wake up beautiful
She smiles and it looks rather genuine but I know it’s not. She’s
hurting. She closes her eyes a second
Her: Lord if anything I ask for strength.
She gets out the car before I do, that prayer she just said breaks
my heart. She comes home and she asks for strength. When
you’re home you’re supposed to feel surrounded, like I do when
we go to her fathers house but when she comes to my home she
asks for strength. This bothers me. I probably have not been
doing enough to protect her if she feels this way then what kind
of a husband does that make me?

Zeh.
I got out the car first because I didn’t want him asking me too
many questions, I’d have ended up crying. I walk in already
smiling like an idiot because well, I need to put on a face
Me: San’bona kaMbatha
Aunt’Sbongile: awuu sawbona makoti (she hugs me)
Me: ninjan kodwa?
Thando: syaphila ninjan kodwa nina?
Me: Au syaphila bakithi ukukhala kwahlula imbuzi isisemsamu

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They all laugh and I’m left wondering whats the joke cause well
Sabelo: Sanbona ekhaya
Them: sawbona mfana
Xolis kids go to him running. They obviously love him and feel
the warmth of a father from him. I’m wondering how though
cause they hardly come home.
Him: niphilie kodwa?
Sbo: syaphila mfana wamm.
Sqalo: baba usphatheleni emnandi?
Him: sohamba sothenga mfana wamm
Sqalo: hawuuuu babaa you didn’t buy us anything? Why?
Sabelo: I’m sorry boy. I promise we’ll get you something when
were back in Durban
Him: I’d like that bicycle we saw at Gateway when we went to
see the avengers daddy (I didn’t know this. He must have
forgotten to mention it)
Him: have you been a good boy?
Sqalo: yes I have, you can even ask mommy
Sabelo: then we’ll get you that bike boy.
Lunathi: and me. I’d like that biiiiig teddy daddy, the one we saw
when you went to take me for that other one
Sabelo: we’ll get you the tedd Princess. I promise.
He kisses them. He loves them soo much and me on the other
hand, I tolerate every kid. I find it hard to adjust to them when
they don’t want me.
Sbo: Hamba Sabelo sifuna ukukhuluma nomakoti wakwethu
Him: ai vele sengyakoBaba soxoxa ezamadoda (he chuckles) go
easy on my wife, niyeke ukumfakela iStress
Aunt’Zikhona: awu singamenzan nje umkakho? Akungadlalwa
ngathi
Him: kuhleke. (He turns to me) baby I’ll keep checking in on
you, I need to find out what this meeting is about (he kisses my
forehead) if anything, we will be alright.
He takes baby Swelihle from Xoli and walks away to the big tree
where the men are sitting.
Xoli: 4 years later and this man would still kill for you
Sbo: even when she can’t conceive
Zikhona: awusho umloye ngonjan umuthi uSabelo?
There was silence and everyone looks at her then at me then
back at her and she chuckles

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Her: ai ngyadlala engaze angicebe silale singadlile
Thando: ave ukhuluma njalo wena
Me: I need to go greet the men there, I’ll be back
Zikhona: they’re discussing a sensitive issue, I’d suggest you
greet them when we serve food.
Me: oh,ok. I’ll be on my way to our room, I need to freshen up
Xoli: asambe, I’ll walk you there
We walk there and the moment I unlock the outbuilding
Xoli: don’t mind Zikhona. She talks too much you know that
Me: I’m not even worried about her. How are you? How are the
kids?
Her: they’re fine sisi. Swelihle is too much work, he’s too fussy.
The most fussy amongst my kids
Me: you said the same thing about Lunathi (we crack in
laughter)
Her: yeey she was terrible. Cabanga they will be nannyless end
of this month, she got herself a man who’s marrying her and
says he doesn’t want her to work as a nanny no more
Me: you lie (I’m shook) she loves your kids how will she survive
without them?
Her: more like how will I survive without her. These kids are too
much ngeke, the stress is just too much
Me: I wish I could relate (I sit on my bed)
Her: oh sisi I’m soo sorry, how selfish of me
Me: no no, don’t worry about it. Ngeke phela ungakhulumi about
your stresses because of me
Her: I don’t wanna seem insensitive
Me: nonsense. You should bring the kids to me to babysit till you
find a nanny
Her: won’t that be too much though? I mean you haven’t raised
any babies and now I just dump you 3. I don’t wanna add to your
pressure
Me: is that why you don’t come to my house anymore?
Her: honestly, Sabelo was telling Msike that you weren’t taking
this barren issue well and so Msike suggested we kind of stay
away a little until you and Sabelo have sorted your’lls issues out.
I wanted to come see you but he said unless you come to our
house to see them we shouldn’t bother you.
Barrenness. I don’t know how I feel about the use of this word.

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Me: I raised all my siblings babies, I can manage your babies
believe that. You guys should pull over Sabelo loves those kids,
don’t strip him of that privilidge
Her: ooh Sabelo sees them. He comes home to see them very
often. He plays with them, helps bathe them and feeds them too.
He seems ohk with them.
Me: oh he must have forgotten to mention that. Well I’m glad he
still maintains contact with them
Her: oh they know him and they love him too. Didn’t you see
how they jumped for him when he got here? It’s you they don’t
know.
Me: Ok mah. Let me freshen up. I’ll see you at lunch.
Her: ohk sisi. Ill see you emnyango.
I don’t know how I feel about this conversation. I feel like she
was rubbing salt in the wound really but maybe she was just
talking ke who would ever tell me.
I shower and change my dress. Sabelo walks in just as I finish.
He looks rather flushed
Me: what’s happening? You look flushed
Him; baby I love you. I love you soo much I need you to know
that
Me; you’re scaring me. I know you love me.
Him; the uncles wanna speak to you emnyango.
Me; about what? Why are you looking like death pho if they just
wanna talk?
Him: just know it’s you I love …
Me: are they gonna grill me about babies? Cause don’t worry
about that I won’t cry about it. I’m done crying about things I
can’t change
He looks at me hard like he’s thinking, then comes over to hug
me. He holds me soo tight and for the first time in weeks I hold
him back and feel the warmth of his arms. I feel home
Me: I love you soo much Sabelo and thank you for being patient
with me
Again he looks flushed. Before he responds, theres a knock on
the door and Xoli tells us the uncles are waiting.
We walk out together and Sabelo is holding my hand like he’s
scared I’ll run. Lwandle is here now which only happened once,
so whatever is happening here must be serious. We get to the
uncles and I sit on the grassmat that’s been layed for me. Sabelo

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sits opposite me next to Msikeleli and Nzuzo has arrived. The 3
of them look at me, Nzuzo looks hurt more then he does scared.
Babncane: makoti
Me: yebo baba
Him: uyaphila
Me: yebo ngyaphila banjani obaba
Him: ai syaphila. Sixolise about summoning you here at such
short notice
Me: yebo baba.
Him: my daughter, we called you here to discuss a delicate topic.
We just want you to know that whatever the outcome, we seek a
solution and not to hurt you
This statement alone tells me where this conversation might be
leading to but I remain silent, they’re still my elders I look up at
Sabelo and he’s sweating
Babncane: makoti when are you planning on giving us
grandchildren? We’ve been waiting
Me:..Silence…
Him: our son has told us that you are unable to bare children.
Why is this?
Me: I don’t know.
Him: well, as the elders of this family, we have come up with a
solution that will help both you and this family. It will relieve
you of the stresses that come with being a barren woman
..silence…
him: as a family, we have decided that our Son, Sabelo, will take
a second wife to bare us children
I feel my heart sink to the pits of my stomach.
Him: you can’t fight him on this one he has no control over it.
I may be a cry baby but this time, I won’t dare. I look up at the
brothers and they look rather scared. Nzuzo looks at me as if he
sees the hurt in my eyes and he gets up and leaves
Me: Sabelo, my husband, will be taking another wife to bare him
children?
Babomdala: yebo kunjalo makoti. We have a wife for him already
we have even paid for iLobola all that’s left is for you to meet her
I look at Sabelo and Msikeleli and they can’t look at me
Babncane: there’s nothing new here, it’s tradition. Our
forefathers did it. We need grandchildren and you can’t give us
grandchildren. So we need a plan b. perhaps I should tell you

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that as you see Lwandle here, Nzuzo has informed us that she is
pregnant and he is marrying her. This is why she’s here. We
cannot have you not give Sabelo babies when even his youngest
brother is having kids of his own.
Me: ohk. (my heart feels like shattering into shreds)
Him: her name is Thobeka Zulu. She will be your sisterwife
Me: Sabelo did you know about this?
Sabelo: I only got a hint yesterday and still it was just a feeling it
wasn’t something I knew for sure
Me: and you still brought me here?
Him: baby I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you
Me: you already have
I get up to leave and Sabelo tries to follow
Babncane: you don’t follow her. Why are you apologizing?
You’re the one spoiling this woman, that’s why she thinks she
has a say in such issues.
I walk straight to the bedroom and Lwandle follows me. The
moment she comes in she holds me and I let it all out. I cry soo
badly and she’s crying with me.
Her: Siphosethu I’m soo sorry. I don’t know what I’d do.
I’m just crying and I can’t even hold it. I cry till I’m out of
breathe
Her: breathe, breathe you’re alright breathe
Me: I’m not alright, I’ll never be alright. Have I not suffered
enough? Have I not endured enough Lwandle? (I’m wailing)
must I suffer because God won’t give me children?
Her: ooh baby I’m soo sorry. I’m soo sorry. I wish I could say
something to make you feel better.
Me: nothing will work out
Xoli walks in as I cry a river
Xoli: are you ohk nje kodwa?
Is she stupid? Or is she acting to be?
Me: I’m fine (as I wipe my tears)
Xoli: ohk. You should come see your sister wife she’s here
My heart
Lwandle: you’re being insensitive.
Xoli: eventually she has to face facts, there’s no getting out of
this one
Lwandle: and you think rubbing the salt in the wound will help?

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Xoli: don’t try to play nice and make me seem like the bad
person. Her Sabelo will have a second wife cause she can’t
conceive and best she gets used to the idea. All these tears make
her seem weak and that’s why they’re having a feast in her grief
Lwandle: and you are hosting it. I fear your heart.
Me: please excuse me ladies, I’d like to be alone
Lwandle: I’m not leaving you here alone. That just won’t happen.
Xoli: don’t keep the guests waiting. I have to attend to my
babies.
She walks out and leaves me feeling like fuck. I cry harder. After
a few minutes, I settle down and grab my phone to call my
father. He picks up on first ring
Dad: awu thembalami I’ve missed you
Me: baba (my voice breaks)
Him: kwenzenjan ngane?
Me: baba (I cry)
He’s panicking
Him: mntwana what’s happening? Is everyone alright ekhaya?
Uphi umkhwenyana?
Me: baba bonke baRight (I’m weeping) I’m the one who’s not
ohk. They want him to take a second wife because I can’t give
him babies
Him: what’s he saying about this?
Me: he just sat there and said nothing. Baba he just sat there
Him: useLadysmith?
Me: yebo. Baba can I please come home. I can’t do this. I’m not
strong enough for this
Him: mntwana you are stronger than you think
Me: baba kukhlungu. Please let me come home
Him: you’re a married woman, you can’t just leave your house
Me; I can just divorce him if marriage is what’s keeping me from
home
Him: listen to me princess. I know you’re hurting right now but I
need you to be rational. Do not leave your house. If you do you’ll
give another woman a chance to enter and stay with a leg to
stand on because you would have left
Me: baba I don’t care for that
Him: baby you’re only saying that because you’re mad. Please,
stay in your house and just watch as this unfolds.
Umkhwenyana will know when the fire is too hot. He’s still in

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shock kwayena he doesn’t know the implications of this. Your
husband loves you Zesizwe he won’t marry her when he sees
you broken. Now I need you to be strong, don’t let them see your
tears. You’re a Khumalo. You’re bigger than this
Me: baba they told me about her less than an hour ago and she
was already here. They’ve even married her to him without him
knowing. Now they want me to meet her. I’m suffering because I
can’t bare children
Him: I understand you’re hurting. Don’t let them kill your spirit.
You’re strong
Me: dad I have to go, I love you
Him: I love you too. Wipe your tears, they’re not worth it.
I hang up and go to the bathroom to wash my face.
Lwandle: are you not hungry?
Me: I’m not. I just need to sleep
Her: ohk, lets sleep
Me: ai wena go eat, don’t starve our baby
Her: who told you? (shes shook)
Me: babncane couldn’t be happier to tell me when he told me
how hopeless I was for not being able to conceive. How could
Sabelo do this to me?
Her: well Nzuzo once told me that obaba are too zulufied and
there’s no disputing anything they say. Worse they use the
ancestors as a justification all the time. How does one dispute
with the supernatural?
Me: he should know better
Her: I need you to be strong Zesizwe. Pull a gun on them like you
did that day
We both laugh. I wish it was that easy.
Me: I’m gonna sleep. Go eat and take the key with you and go eat
ubuye sesolala.
Her: ohk. I’ll take this one. Do you have a spare incase I forget?
I’m very forgetful lately
We laugh
Me: the spare is in the drawer. Now go
Her: you’re strong Zesizwe. You have my full support.
Me: thanks babe. Please whatever you do, keep Sabelo out of my
room.
She laughs “how can I keep that giant from you? You know he’d
kill me dead”

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Me: then I’d really gun on him. Go away I need some sleep.
She kisses me and leaves the room locking me inside. I take 2
insomniaway and sleep like I’m dead.

Sabelo.
I stayed away from her the whole day. I know she’s a mess in
that room. How do I face her after breaking her heart soo bad?
How do I even begin just talking with her? How will I face her? I
have to do this once, it’s really now or never. I go to Lwandle
just to examine her on my wife
Me: Lwandle can we talk?
She looks at me like I stink. She’s also mad at me. They share a
bond I can’t explain. The bond they share is like that of twins
they don’t have it noXoli.
Me: please.
She comes out with me
Her: how may I help you Sabelo?
Me: unjan?
Her: ubani?
Me: uMaKhumalo?
Her: I don’t know. She’s your wife isn’t she? Or has she ceased
just because you have a new one now?
Me: Lwandle please
Her: she’s a mess Sabelo what do you expect? Worse cause she
really can’t explain not being able to give you babies, she can’t
do anything about it. How would you feel if you were shooting
blanks and the family got her a new husband to make love to her
everynight until he actually wins with impregnanting her?
This makes my insides squirm. The thought of her being touched
by someone else makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t bare it.
Why do I feel soo compelled to do this?
Me: don’t say that
Her: you can’t even imagine it. Imagine how she must be
feeling? Imagine that
Nzuzo walks to us and finds Lwandle boiling
Him: baby are you ohk?
Her: I’m fine. It’s your brother who annoys me
Him: lets go, you need to rest and elivate, your legs are swollen

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Her: I’m going to Zesizwe right now. I promised to sleep with her
and I locked her in the room. She needs someone who cares
about her
Nzuzo: I understand babe. But maybe she needs some space. She
has a lot to digest and her husband doesn’t even seem bothered.
She married a coward
Her: she’s an honest person, she would have told me. She
doesn’t need space, she needs me
Him: and what about me (he’s sulking)
Her: ai babe we’re fine. She’s not. Sleep with your brother and
maybe you’ll talk some sense into him.
He kisses her and she leaves. As she’s walking he calls for her
Him: Lwandle
She turns
Him: ngyakthanda.
She blows a kiss and walks away. This very gesture makes me
miss my Sizwe. We used to be like that before I went ahead and
messed all this up. I’m here standing with Nzuzo who just looks
at me like an idiot. He turns to walk
Me: you also think this is a mistake?
He turns to look at me
Him: bafo, give me one good reason why you’re doing this. You
haven’t explored other medical routes like invitro and
surrogacy so don’t tell me it’s cause you want kids. Why are you
doing this?
Him: Bafo the surrogacy and invitro doesn’t align with our
tradition
Him: so uthi umtanabantu must suffer and feel less a woman
just because she can’t conceive? Is she no longer “Siphisami” or
“Sizwesami”?
That pierced my heart
Me: Nzuzo
Him: don’t Nzuzo me. You’re gonna lose her Bafo. You’re gonna
loose her soo bad all for uThobeka whom you don’t even love? I
hope when she leaves you because she will, I hope this, all this
bullshit will be worth it
Me: I don’t have a say Nzuzo
Him: what say do you not have? You’re a fucking grown man,
since when do you not have a say? How well do you know these
people? We only strengthened our relationship with these

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people less than 5 years ago. We don’t know these people and
you don’t even know our father cause he left ngzelwe and now
they’re here demanding grandkids and dictate what’s to happen
in your life and you lie low and hurt the woman you made me
pretend to be bogus “Edward” for?
Me: Nzuzo your..
Him: don’t even say a word to me go talk to your fathers who
have suddenly become your Gods that you think hurting
maKhumalo over them is worth.
Me: Bafo don’t talk like that. I don’t wanna hurt Sethu
Him: Bafo you could say no to all this and we could disown these
people and never see them again, we don’t know them that well
anyways, we don’t care about them. They keep telling you about
ancestors, have you even consulted once to verify? They say
you’re marrying her ksasa and where will she stay after this?
Y’alls house? How will she leave this place coming there? In
y’alls car? Where will Siphosethu be when y’all marry? Is she
gonna be sitting here and watching her husband marry another
woman? Is that what’s gonna happen? Has she not been
through enough? She got poisoned because of you, lied in ICU
cause of you, she’s been sworn at by this very family because of
you, has made fresh enemies because of you, quit her job
because of you. Sabelo ufunani? You tell her about a new wife
today and tomorrow you expect her to come home with y’all.
You are selfish and inconsiderate Sabelo. Bloody selfish!
Nzuzo has never been this passionate about anything. He’s mad
at me and I get all he’s saying. If Thobeka gives me 20 kids I still
won’t enjoy them and I still wouldn’t find them worth it if
MaKhumalo left me
Him: that woman is surrounded, remember that. Her sisters will
come for her or she could even move away with the one in
America. I hope your heart will be strong enough for that.
Siphosethu akaswele lutho Sabelo and akashodi ngawe. Asambe
futhi solala uyashada wena ksasa futhi nje senglala nawe ngibe
ngingabambana nowakwami.
Me: ngfuna ukubona uMaKhumalo wam
Him: don’t act like you care. You’ve lost her vele nje so you may
aswel start practicing life without her now and besides I doubt
she wants to see you

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That woman is leaving you mark my words. She’s too strong a
force to be willing to share you. She pulls guns on people,
remember that.
I smile at the thought of her walking downstairs with a gun that
day. Why is life soo complicated. We were fine with her before all
this. She’ll never forgive me.
We go to Nzuzos room and he sleeps. I don’t. How can I when I
know my wife is probably up crying a river. I don’t know when
but I dosed off eventually.

Zesizwe
Next morning I wake up feeling rather fresh. It’s like my
husbands family didn’t just tell me I’ll be having a sister wife.
Lwandle is rapped around me and so I can’t wake because I
don’t wanna wake her. She’s been soo supportive of me I don’t
know what I’d have done had she not been here cause obviously
Xoli finds joy in my pain.
Her: goodmorning
Me: hey bheypes. Awvuke I need a bath
Her: ai vuka wedwa
I get up and take a shower. I get out and put on a maxi dress and
a doek as usual with my sandals.
Me: awgeze
Her: my stuff are in my room remember, I’ll come back to see
you
Me: no don’t, I’m sure Nzuzo is dying now. Go be with your man
he must be missing yall now. Go away.
She kisses my cheek and leaves, the moment she opens the door
Sabelo walks in and she out. He can’t even look at me. I’m sitting
by the mirror fixing my headwrap
Him: Saw’bona
Me: yebo.
There was silence.
Him: I know you don’t want to see me, I came to take a bathe
Me: it’s your house.
I get up and get out. I’d rather be at the main house with the
monsters I know then the hypocrite I call a husband. I can’t bare
his sight right now. He disgusts me.
I find the women in the kitchen making breakfast
Me: San’bona

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Sbo: awuu uze uvuke
Zikhona: awuu soon she’ll be waking up at 4 trying to avoid her
competition wake up too early to make breakfast for their
husband
Xoli laughs loud. That sounds off. It hurts me, but they’ll never
know.
Sbo: awkahle Zikhona
Thando: ulale kahle kodwa sisi? (she looks concerned)
Me: like a baby thanks
Xoli: there’s no way you slept. You love Sabelo too much to have
managed sleeping at all knowing you’ll be sharing him
Me: you’d be surprised.
I turn around to walk out because I forgot my ginger tea sachet
in the room and I turn to Msikeleli. He looks hurt. I can tell he’s
been standing there a while because of the way he looks at Xoli.
He can’t even look at me, he’s ashamed.
Me: sawbona
Him: MaMbatha sawbona (he looks away)
Me: please, call me MaKhumalo.
I walk away back to the room to meet this hypocrite a husband.
The moment I walk in, he stands still. I go straight to my
handbag
Me: I just came to get my ginger tea sachet then I’ll be out of
your way
Him: MaMbatha can we talk?
Me: MaKhumalo, it’s MaKhumalo.
He looks at me shocked. Like I just spoke a foreign language
Him: Siphosethu please don’t say that
Me: Zesizwe, that’s my name, Zesizwe
Him: hm.
Me: you said you wanted to talk?
Him: I’m sorry maKhumalo. I didn’t mean for any of this to
happen
Me: ohk
Him: please
Me: don’t worry about it. The moment we get to Durban you are
no longer my husband. You may stay with your wife
Him: don’t talk like that. Don’t say that
Me: it’s the truth I’m telling you. I’ve called my father and
informed him. I will not stay where I’m no longer needed. She

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will not be your second wife, she’s your first and only wife.
There’s nothing for me here
Him: Sizwesam please
Me: please what? You think I’ll stick around to watch this
charade y’all putting on? You think I’ll stay here and watch you
love and spend my time with her? Do you really think I have the
will for that? You should know by now I lead a really simple life
Him: you will not leave me (he says in a low and stern voice)
Me: I didn’t leave you, you left me. And I’m leaving with half of
everything you got
Him: you can take everything it wouldn’t matter, I’m not loosing
you
Me: well I wouldn’t say no to all those millions. I’ll take them
with pleasure but I am leaving. I’m not staying in this marriage.
I’m too young for this shit. This is pure bullshit and you know it.
If you think I’ll stay for this then you’re a fucking dumbass. You
don’t know these fuckers, yet they dictate your life.
I walk out and leave him right there.

The wives serve breakfast and since I’m no longer a wife I just
watch them serve their people. Nzuzo comes to me under the
small mango tree right at the center of the yard
Him: Makoti (he smiles)
Me: Zesizwe
Him: unjan kodwa?
Me: I’m breathing wena?
Him: I’m annoyed by all this bullshit happening here
Me: don’t be. I won’t be staying for it
Him: what do you mean?
Me: I’ve spoken to dad. He knows I’m leaving your brother. I’m
too young for this
Him: you’ve told Khumalo
Me: yesterday
Him: yooooh!
Me: yup.
Him: I hear she’s coming home with y’all
Me: basho njalo. I’m leaving with y’all. I will not be in that car
Him: don’t let her take over your house like this Zesizwe. fight

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Me: I’m not doing anything. Your brother is giving her
everything. I don’t trust your fathers especially minidad.
There’s something very fishy about him.
Him: I told Sabelo the same last night
He tells me everything they spoke about.
Me: go away, you need to welcome y’alls new bride, call Lwandle
here. She keeps me sane. I think it’s her baby
We laugh.
Him: ai wena
Me: I appreciate your loyalty. Msikeleli can’t even look at me.
He goes and Lwandle comes immediately. She sits with me in
silence.

Her: you ohk babe?

Me: I’ll live. Hard as it is
Her: just look at them, sitting there like all this is ohk?
Me: what I fail to understand is why they’re doing this
Her: mina it’s how they managed to convince Sabelo in a few
minutes, something is’nt right la Sethu
Me: I don’t even care to find out.
Her: so what happens now? What’s next for y’all
Me: I don’t know, I told Nzuzo I am leaving Sabelo and that I told
dad (she chuckles)
Her: but didn’t Khumalo say stay?
Me: he did, but I wasn’t about to tell them that. I don’t want
them thinking I’m not wanted at home, like I have no plan B
Her: I understand now that you put it that way.
Me: I feel like ice cream from KFC, let’s go
Her: how? Do you still know how to drive?
Me: I know how to shoot guns now what makes you think I can’t
drive? I am pro Sabelo just preffered I not drive, not that I don’t
know how to
Her: ohk, let me go tell Nzuzo and we can go
Me: I need to go get the car keys from our room too so I’ll meet
you in the car
I get up and she’s still sitting, I’m guessing she’s gathering the
energy to stand.
I head for our room for the keys. I open the door and head in.
Voice: Zes..

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Me: heeeeeeeeeeh! (my heart is beating like a drum) don’t do
that, don’t do that
Him: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you. (he’s also a little
panicky)
Me: I didn’t hear you come in
Him: but what scared you soo much? You nearly faint
Me: I’m fine. I’m on my way out
Him: but you just walked in
Me: for these (I flash the keys at him)
Him: why do you need those?
Me: I’m going out
Him: where to?
Me: you shouldn’t concern yourself with that
Him: Zesizwe how long are you gonna do this?
Me: I’m not doing anything (I attempt to walk past him and he
grabs my arm and it actually hurts. I turn to him with my eyes
all out)
Me: you’re hurting me Sabelo
Him: where are you running to? Must you always run when we
have problems?
Me: Sabelo you’re hurting me (I wiggle my arm)
Him: if you kept still and respected me as the man in our
relationship it wouldn’t hurt. It hurts because you’re wiggling
your arm at me
Me: Sabelo please stop this (I feel my tears building up but I
refuse to cry, though I can feel them all over my eyes)
Him: now you gonna use your tears just because you know they
get to me all the time and actually tame me
Me: Sabelo
Him: no Sethu. You married me and said for better for worse,
what were you saying kanti Sethu
Me: I never signed up for any of this either, I never signed up for
having a sister wife either but here we are
Hin: how long will you use your tears to get your way?
(something about him and his eyes is different, he doesn look or
even sound like my Sabelo. Something about him gives me the
impression that this is not my Sabelo)
Me: Sabelo, let go of my arm (I wiggle and he lets go, I look at it
and its red where he was holding me and it’s damn sore)

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Him: I’m sorry about all of this Siphosethu, all of it, I’m sorry.
(by that time my tears are. I got to the bathroom to wash my
face and take my car keys and before I head for the door he
speaks
Him: I love you Sethu, it’s you I love but I have to marry
Thobeka. (I didn’t even turn, I stepped out the door and put on
my shades and headed for the car)
Lwandle: I thought you’d never come. I nearly go back to my
room
I didn’t respond and she also sees I’m not alright and she keeps
quiet and gets in
Her: you ohk
Me: he actually grabbed me like a bag of potatoes Lwandle. He
just grabbed me
She’s shocked
Her: what do you mean by grabbed you like a bag of potatoes?
I show her my arm
Her: no bloody ways, I’m telling Nzuzo
She attempts to step out the car and I stop her
Me: no! Don’t. I can handle this
Her: that’s what all women say. Has he always been violent?
Me: this is the first time
She squints her eyes
Me: I promise. Lwandle that is not my Sabelo, something isn’t
right
Her: is that why you’re wearing sunglasses? You were crying
weren’t you?
Me: I’m always crying lately, it’s nothing new. Let’s go.
Her: well either way, I’m gonna make sure I tell Nzuzo Sabelo
did this to you. You can bet my life on that.
I start the car and reverse for the gate. Nzuzo stops us just
before we reach it
Me: yaah Nzuzo
Him: you guys sure y’all gonna be ohk?
Me: we’re going for icecream syabuya
Him: don’t want me driving y’all?
Me: no, we’re fine. Go to the other side and kiss your wife so we
go
Him: whatever you do, please come back we’ll drive down to
Durban together I don’t want y’all driving that distance alone

220
Me: we will, now kiss her and go
He does just that
Him: take..
Me: ..care of them (I finish it off for him). I will take care of them
for you (they laugh and off I go.)

Nzuzo.
I watch the car drive off and I can only hope they’re gonna be
ohk. More than anything I hope they do come back and not leave
straight for Durban. My phone beeps just as their car diappears
down the hill, it’s Lwandle
“she was sort of crying when we left, Sabelo roughly grabbed
her by the arm, it’s actually red where he manhandled her.
I’m sorry I didn’t pay much attention when you bid us
farewell. Please talk to your brother, he’s gonna loose a good
woman Nzuzo.
Patch and I love and miss you already.
Love,
Lwandle”

I feel my blood boil, how dare he. I head straight for his room
and not even knock. I find him sitting at the edge of the bed
looking like the world just crashed on his feet
Me: what the fuck is wrong with you Sabelo?
Msikeleli walks in
Msi: I saw the way you walked in here that you were here to
fight
Me: he manhandled Sethu
Msi sharply turns to Sabelo
Ms: whaat??
Me: you heard me, I just received a text from Lwandle telling me
Sethu was crying cause this coward manhandled her
Ms: why would you do such a thing Sabelo?
He looks up and his eyes are red himself
Sab: please tell her I said I’m sorry
Ms: why would you do that to her Sabelo?
Sab: for whatever reason it may have been, it would never make
it right

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Me: vele it wouldn’t make it right, but what did you grab her
roughly for? Sabelo kwenzakalani ngawe?
Sab: ANGAZI! (he shouts) angazi.( he calms. And is actually
frustrated. In this act, I see a reflection of my brother. The one I
know would never harm Sethu)
Ms: you grabbed her and we need to know what’s happening,
Sabelo don’t keep us here waiting, we don’t have all day
Him: she wouldn’t listen to me, then she started crying and I
accused her of using her tears to get me to do whatever she
wants. I got angry and grabbed her arm when she tried to walk
away from me when I was still trying to explain to her why
things are this way
Me: that is your reason? (I’m clearly shocked and I can’t even
hide it.)
Msikeleli looks at him and sits on the bed in defeat himself. Even
he can’t believe it.
Msi: Sabelo. You need to stop doing things and apologizing after
the damage has been done. Make up your mind about why
you’re doing this. You need to understand that it’s not easy for
your wife, you shouldn’t expect her to understand your reasons
because she initially did inform you of the possibility of not
being able to give you babies and at that time you didn’t care for
that cause it’s her you wanted
(His eyes widen as he looks to Msikeleli)
Msi: now that she’s not enough and you want more you want a
new wife. Sethu is a modern woman so she will never accept this
and you need to be ohk with that. If she wants to leave you, she
will. You need to be ohk with that too because you’re the one
who broke the terms of your marriage, your vows and your
promises. When she married you she married you on a
covernant that it’s just gonna be you and her and now that
you’re changing it, she’s allowed to leave if she wishes because
these are not the terms upon which she agreed to be your wife.
Sab: I don’t know what to do Bafo, I feel like I’ve failed her, like
I’ve failed myself. I feel like a nobody right now
Msi: I can’t decide for you, only you know what you are to do. All
we can do is support you as your brothers
Me: count me out of that, I will never support this selfish
decision he has taken.

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Msi: very well then. Bottom line is we can’t decide for you. Right
now Sabelo you are making your bed, a new bed and whatever
the outcomes may be from making this bed, you will have to lay
in it. Whatever the outcome (he emphasizes)
Me: and you will. I await that day. Anyways, I didn’t come here
for a pity party or a counseling session, I came to tell you that if
you ever dare think of handling her roughly again, I will cut
your left foot into pieces one toe at a time. Deal with your life
and decisions without dragging Sethu to your mess, if she
doesn’t wish to be part of it. Dare you ever handle her again I
will tell Khumalo just after cutting your limbs, and you know I’m
good for it.
Sab: It will never happen again. It was a mistake
Me: I don’t care what it was I’m just telling you. I won’t loose
Sethu whom mom loves over your stupidity. I will never.
I leave them with their eyes open wide. I’ll let them nibble on
that. I can’t stand hypocrites.

Sethu
We have our icecream noLwandle and just sit in the car talking
and laughing at sweet nothings really.
Lwandles phone rings,
Lwandle: babe
…..
her: we’re still in town but almost ready to come back
…..
her: ohk. We’re on our way
…..
her: ohk, love you too.
She hangs up and turns to me
Her: he says we should come back so we can leave
Me: ohk. Weee gooo (we laugh)
I start the car as we drive. We have soft music on the radio and
the road is clear so we are home in just about 30 minutes. The
yard seems less busy now but it still is. Sabelo is sitting under
the tree with Thobeka and the family. They all seem to be
talking and having the time of their lives. I drive in and Sabelo
stands up, almost like he wasn’t expecting to see me return.
Aunt Zikhona holds his hand and pulls him to his seat
Lwandle: do you see that?

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Me: I did. But it doesn’t matter
Her: something is not right Sethu, that man sitting there is not
the Sabelo we know I keep telling you
Me: but it doesn’t matter anymore
Her: atleast we know now that he still loves you. Despite
whatever may be going on.
Me: I’ll go to my room, please call me when it’s time to leave
Her: Nzuzo sounded like we will be leaving shortly so do pack
up.
We get off the car and I head straight for the back to our room. I
get inside and just lay on the bed. Lwandle shoots me a text and
tells me we leave in 30 minutes because Nzuzo is on call tonight.
I close my eyes I hopes to nap just a few minutes, just to rest my
eyes but decide to just get up and pack after about 10 minutes
Sabelo walks in as I finish up my packing deeds, he looks
shocked to say the least
Sabelo: Sizwesam
..silence..
him: Sizwe samm I’m sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to
handle you like that
..silence…
him: I’m soo sorry. I know you’re hurt and disappointed even
and I understand, ngyaxolisa Sethu
I look at him sharply with the corner of my eyes and not dare
say a word
I’m packing
It registers round about now and only does he notice I’m
actually packing my bags
him: uyaphi? We’re leaving later in the afternoon
me: I’m leaving now (I speak for the first time.)
him: what do you mean by that?
me: I mean just that (I’m not even paying attention I’m just
packing)
him: uhamba noNzuzo?
me; you got it
him: you can’t leave with my brother
me: I’d rather leave with taxis than be in a car with you and
your new wife.
Him: Zesizwe please
Me: I have to go. I’ll see you in court.

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Him: what court? (his voice stern but in shock too)
Me: I did say I’m not staying in this sham of a marriage.
I walk out and he runs after me
Him: Sizwe sam
Me: fuck you Sabelo. Fuck you and your family. You’re weak. I’m
soo glad I couldn’t conceive for you cause no way in hell I want
sons this weak. Uzobukisa ngam phambi kwabantu bakini?
Uzobukisa ngami Sabelo just because ngiyinyumba like I have
control over such (his face flushes again, he’s hurt by that last
statement). Sizwe sakho? If I were a whole nation of yours
ngingedwa you wouldn’t be putting me through such headache
cause I’d be fine alone. I’d be a whole nation. Uzobukisa ngamm
kobaba bakho ongabazi noXoli who keeps rubbing in my face my
barrenness? May she give you all the babies you desire and
make you happy too. I’m divorcing your selfish coward ass. You
can’t even stand up for your wife. If you find out she’s baren too
will you get another wife? What guarantees do you have that
she can conceive? Or can she automatically conceive just cause
your fathers like her? You’re an idiot. I wish you happiness.

His eyes drop in shame, almost like I’ve just opened a new leaf in
this pattern they’re trying to create with his family
Him: you will not leave me or our marriage Zesizwe
Me: (I chuckle)trust me baby I will, even if it means I leave in a
body bag I will. You call this a marriage? Do you even know
what a marriage is? Were you absent throughout our
premarriage counseling? cause if you call this community forum
a marriage then evidently I was the only one who was attending.
Marriages are for 2 people, you’ve invited a whole community
into ours it’s no longer a marriage. Sabelo you don’t know me.
Don’t push my hand, you don’t know what I’m capable of. Hell
hath no fury like a woman scorned. You’re a fucking sick
bastard. Take your wife home
I turn to walk away. “Nzuzo start this car I wanna go home, I
can’t stand these people”
Msikeleli comes to me to try and talk to me
Him: MaMbatha
Me: did you not hear me say I’m MaKhumalo? (I snap)
Him: please don’t do this

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Me: do what? Yeeey yeeeey yeeeeey! Don’t start with me, Lord
knows you’re not gonna manage me. Y’all stay with me in
Durban nizobukisa ngam infront of your people and y’alls wives
who can conceive? Don’t you even dare come near me. Both you
and your brother including all else that’s connected to you.
Msikeleli: you don’t mean that
Me: then you obviously don’t know me
Him: we’re sorry
Me: not as much as I am. I hope y’all see these “elders” for who
they are before they strip y’all naked. Y’all the ones bewitched
Msikeleli: we’ll see you in Durban, I obviously won’t win while
you’re like this
Me: I’ll never see y’all again in this life. Just in court when I
divorce your brother.
He’s standing there uSabelo frustrated, he looks like he’s died a
million deaths. His eyes are teary (he’s not exactly crying) but I
don’t give a fuck. I couldn’t care less. Something bothers me
about his sudden helplessness. I get in the car and Nzuzo drives
off. The moment the car gets out the yard I cry a river. I cry till I
can’t breathe, Nzuzo pulls over on the mainroad and gets his
medical kit from the boot and sits at the back with me while
Lwandle drives us. He puts a nebuliser for me. And helps me till
I manage to breathe
Him: Sethu try to breathe, please breathe you’re doing well
I’m still struggling trying to catch my breathe. My phone rings
about an hour and half later and its Sabelo. I switch it off. He
calls Nzuzo and he picks up
Nzuzo: ya…. Ya…. Freeway… uright… uphi uThobeka… you still
brought her… Sabelo don’t tell me about baba.. he doesn’t know
your life, he doesn’t know shiiit… you annoy me… uSizwe…
what you mean kwenzakalani…

I struggle to breathe further because I’ve figured that he really

brought her for real, I panic till I experience a shortage of
breathe again. Nzuzo throws the phone aside to help me
Him: Sizwe please you’ll get a heart attack straight phela
manje.. breathe or I’ll be forced to give you a shot please..
Lwandle: this hurts(sniffs), this hurts soo bad. (sniffs)What
kind of pain is this? (she’s crying) I’ve never seen such pain in
my life altogether. I’ve never even heard of it

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Nzuzo: she’s getting an attack, I’m gonna give her a shot, Pull
over la I need to get the vein. We’re taking her to hospital, she
could get a severe panic attack or die of a heart attack
Lwandle: you’re also crying (she sounds defeated)
Nzuzo: something went in my eye, I’m not crying. It hurts to see
her like this. Seeing someone like her enje really hurts. (I can
hear it in his voice. He’s also crying)
Lwandle pulls over and I feel a sting in my arm and I don’t know
what happened next. LIGHT OUT.

Sabelo
I hear the whole thing. I feel like pulling over on this very
freeway and throwing this Thobeka out of my car. Hearing
MaKhumalo gasping for air like that was torture. A heart attack
pho? I’m soo glad she left with Nzuzo cause had she been with
me I wouldn’t have known what to do with her. They’re taking
her to the hospital and I’m just thinking of the damage I’ve done.
Once again she’ll wake up in hospital because of me and my
selfishness. She’ll never forgive me for this and honestly I
wouldn’t blame her
Thobeka: is everything ohk?
Me: no
Her: what is it?
Me: nothing to concern yourself about
I’m trying to be polite but one more question from her and I’ll
snap.
Fortunately she keeps quiet
I pay attention to my phone again to figure what is being said
ngomkami
Nzuzo: Lwandle pull over at the closest hospital she won’t make
it, were loosing her
Lwandle: Nzuzo I can’t drive I can’t see, my heart can’t take it.
Come drive I’ll hold her nebuliser and rest her on me, my heart
can’t.
There’s silence a second. Then the line dies. I feel my breathe
leave me. I call again and Lwandle picks up
Her; yah
Me: what’s happening? Nzuzo forgot to hang up and I heard
everything? Kwenzekalani ngoSizwe?

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Her: Nzuzo gave her a shot. She’s sleeping now, we’ll take her to
hospital she needs to be observed, she’s got some heart failure
symptoms
My heart drops. She’ll never forgive me for this and who would
blame her.
Me: which hospital are you taking her?
Her: to Ramdaas in Ballito cause she’s calm now.
I can’t do this, I can’t do this to my wife. I need to rush to her
this is too much.
I get to Ballito about 2 hours later and she has a drip on her and
is still sleeping. Nzuzo looks at me with disgust, Lwandle is
crying. Thobeka is just standing next to me and looks lost. I feel
an ounce of sorry for her because this won’t end well.
We’re all standing around her bed and Lwandle is at the very
top by her I’m sitting on her side.
Lwandle: what are y’all doing here?
Me: she’s my wife
Nzuzo: she said she’s nolonger as of today, why are you here?
Take your wife home. I don’t wanna have to do urgent Dr stuff
when she gets up and sees you feeling disrespected with your
wife here
I look at Thobeka then at them
Me: y’all will not tell me that, both of y’all. Zesizwe is my wife
and y’all don’t get to talk to me like that regarding my wife.
Lwandle stay in your lane
Nzuzo: don’t you talk to her like that and don’t you claim Sizwe
as your wife, you signed her death sentence. Don’t you dare tell
us crap cause had we not been there in that car she’d have died.
You better watch your tone
Zeh: y’all making noise. (her eyes are still closed her voice is
still course)
We all run to her bedside
Lwandle: you scared us. How are you feeling? God I’ve been soo
stressed
Her: I’m sorry. Stop all this stressing it will strain our baby.
What time is it?
Lwandle: it’s 7pm you’re at the hospital. Open your eyes babe
(she strokes her head)
Her: hospital? again?

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That broke my heart to shreds. Even the tone of her voice
sounded defeated and just broken.
Lwandle: open your eyes
Her: I don’t want to, I wanna stay sleeping, makes me feel less
miserable. I’m scared I’ll wake up and all this won’t be a dream
Nzuzo: you need to open your eyes I need to do a check up
Her: Dr Mbatha omncane ngathi uyahlupha nje kuleLife
They laugh
Nzuzo: why don’t you say ELAYFINI?
She laughs soo hard (my heart smiles) until she opens her eyes
and sees me, her smile fades. The lady whose smile I could never
wipe away, the same woman whose smile creeped up from just
seeing me is the same lady whose smile is wiped away by just
the sight of me. I was never ready for that, I don’t think I’d ever
have been prepared enough for it.
Her: Nzuzo when do I leave this place?
Him: you’re good to go even now. We have no reason to keep you
here
Me: Nzuzo are you sure? What if she has another one and we
can’t contain the situation? I heard Lwandle say she has
symptoms of heart failure
She widens her eyes
Her: Heart failure? (she’s teary)
Nzuzo: it was just a severe panic attack Sipho.. Sizwe. Kodwa we
did checks to clarify and you’re clear
Her: I need to take care of myself, I can’t live like this, I can’t
keep putting myself through this (her tears roll down the sides
of her face and Lwandle rushes to hold her)
Lwandle: I’m sorry babe, I’m right here with you, we’re with you
throughout, you’ll never go through this alone. I promise
She’s crying soo bad and inbetween all the crying she’s talking
Her: whatever that was that happened in the car was too much.
It hurt on my chest soo bad I thought I was dying. I was soo sure
I was dying. Nzuzo can it never happen again?
She’s asking my brother for help and assurance, if we were on
good terms she’d ask me but she won’t because we’re not. She
puts her hope in my brother. My own wife puts her hopes in my
brother because she can’t trust me. Her husband. It’s
heartbreaking to say the least

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Nzuzo: well you need to try to stay calm Zesizwe and breathe. I
don’t want you to be dependant on medication.
Her: ohk. I’ll try harder (she sees Thobeka cause she stood up
behind me. Only God knows why she stood up I feel like
screaming my lungs off my chest cause it honestly beat me) so
this is what it’s come to Sabelo? You’re not only gonna bring
her to our home but you’re also gonna bring her to my hospital
room? This is how we do things now?
She didn’t get an answer and I know she wasn’t looking for one.
Nzuzo discharges her to go home
Her: Nzuzo take me home
Him: you can stay with us a few days till you figure what you’re
gonna do next
Her: take me to Forrestwood.
We go to Forestwood and they bring her in. she goes to our room
and fetches some of her stuff (Lwandle helps her with that) and
takes it to the other bedroom and locks her door.

Zesizwe
Lwandle: babe you know I can stay with you as long as you need
right?
Me: it’s ohk babe I need to be alone a little, I need to spend some
time with my God as mom once taught me
Her: don’t be too hard on yourself or on God
Me: he’s God, he can take anything I lash out at him. Maybe he’s
just punishing me, I’ve been missing church soo much not even
thinking that this little paradise I’m living in may crumble on
me and it has.
Her: God is Love, and love never punishes
Me: well I guess he’s just redirecting me. I need to see the lesson
in this and I won’t see it if I’m far from God.
Her: long as you know God is not punishing you. Like you always
say, nothing you ever do will ever phase him.
I chuckle because I realize she’s using all I say to her right back
at me. She’s reminding me of what I seem to have forgotten and
right now I’m soo happy I told her because now it binds me.
Me: I see that. I love you and thank you for everything (I hug
her)
Her: don’t mention it. I’m only a phone call away Sizwe.

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Me: I know mah. Now go back to that man, I’m sorry I can’t walk
you out
Her: I wouldn’t let you even if you’d offered.
We laugh as she walks for the door
Her: you’re stronger than this. You will beat this. I trust you
Me: I wish I felt that way
Her: you don’t have to yet, I’ll feel it for you till you feel it
yourself. Be weak today, you’re allowed. Tomorrow you’ll be
better (these words give me all the hope I need. Soo hopeful)
Me: I love you. Go away.
She unlocks the door, walks out and closes the door shut. I don’t
even bother getting up to lock it, he’s smart enough to know he
shouldn’t come here.
I say a prayer and I sleep. I’m no longer gonna stress much
about this cause obviously it’s gonna happen whether I like it or
not. I need to act blue a few days so he thinks he’s really got me
(which he did) so that when I start doing the things he suffers
an even greater deal. I fell asleep after taking medication.
I wake up the next day and the Mrs is already up making
breakfast in my kitchen. I need to figure a way to play nice
without hurting myself.
Me: goodmorning!
Her: Saw’bona sisi. Did you sleep well, you scared us izolo?
Who the hell is she asking me such questions in my own house
Me: yes.
Her: Sabelo was driving like a maniac from home, he couldn’t
even focus on the road it was like his head wasn’t on his
shoulders.
I get my Woolworths smoothie and turn to go upstairs, because I
really don’t understand what she wants me to say about this.
Her: I made breakfast for all of us
Me: I’m not hungry. Have it with your husband.
I turn to leave then I remember
Me: next time you think of cooking in my kitchen make sure
that all things are in order. I don’t like too many dishcloths in
my sink and I prefer you drop something and pick up or wipe up
same time. I hate messy kitchens.
Her: I heard we have a helper

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Me: mamaSophia yes. But we clean up after ourselves and she
does the thorough cleaning. You can’t mess the kitchen and
expect her to clean up. It doesn’t work that way here.
Her: ohk. I’ll remember that. (she looks annoyed)
Me: thank you. Enjoy your breakfast. Oh, he likes his eggs
scrambled with brown toast. He won’t eat none of these. He may
be rich but he’s still very farmish
I turn to leave and go back to bed. I sleep. Around 12h00 I
receive a call from a number I don’t recognize
Me: hello
Caller: Hello MaKhumz. I’m Snypes, I got your number from
NoNduh
Me: oohkaaay. Hhow may I help you?
Him: she says you’re in a bit of a fix and need something to
make the husband loose his mind.
Me: you’ve lost me
Him: I’ll be your fake man for a few weeks
Me: I don’t think I understand
Him: Nondu said I’ll be your boyfriend a few days
I laugh soooo loud I can’t even contain it.
Me: typical of her. Soo typical. What did she say the plan was?
Him: she said I call you randomly, take you out, pick you up and
drop you off, deliver you flowers etc. so I know your situation.
Don’t leave your house. Stay there and make him suffer from
close. Drop the natural hair a while and go do a meaaaan weave
next week. A long one I know you can afford the whole weave
shop. Another thing, I know you’re going through the most right
now and may be vulnerable, I understand but don’t catch
feelings. I’m into men
I laugh loud again and again. He’s laughing too. I think we’ll get
along just fine with this fucker.
Him: I’m a masculine gay but your husband doesn’t need to
know that. Get back to make up and slay. You’re a boss babe and
bossbabes don’t cry. Wipe those tears.
Me: yes sir.
Him: Ohk girl. We start nextweek. This week just sulk.
Me: yes sir. (I smile) thank you.
Him: I got you. You’ll thank me later with a holiday to New York
Me: gotcha.

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I hang up and call Ndu
Me: swayini
Her: yes gal
Me: Snypes
Her: isn’t he everything? Ngeke sidlale uSabelo. He must feel
the heat. He must suffer.
Me: you’re a true friend. Ngyabonga mah
Her: I got you. Listen, I’ll call you soon, going for a presentation.
I love you
Me: I love you too.
I hang up and sleep again. There’s a knock on my door. I open
Me: how may I help?
Him: I made supper Sipho sami. Come
Me: no. I’m going out. Enjoy it with your wife. I’d also appreciate
it if y’all stopped involving me in y’alls plans. This morning she
told me she made breakfast for all of us. As if I’d ever eat her
food. Does she not know she’s here for you? Eat alone, go out
alone, gym alone or whatever y’all wanna do. I’m no longer your
wife so please.
Him: please KaKhumalo
Me: please what?
Him: please stop punishing me like this, I cooked your favourite
Me: I’m not hungry
Him: PLEASE Siphosami you have to eat so you can take your
medication
Me: you needn’t worry yourself about that, I got that.
Him: I’ll leave your food in your oven
Me: careful it doesn’t rot there cause I don’t want a stinky oven
or kitchen
I close the door and I cry. My heart can’t contain all this hurt
that I can’t even put to words. It’s too much to bare. I have
another woman in my house, cooking for my husband and a
woman who is now his wife. Atleast traditionally. I fall asleep on
a wet pillow and end up not going out.
This routine carries on the whole week and the one that follows.
All I do is drive to Nzuzo house and stay with Lwandle while
Nzuzo works and sometimes I sleepover I don’t report to nobody
vele. Today Im feeling rather tired, I was at the beach with
Lwandle the whole day just sitting there and walking and eating
and laughing. I actually had a really good day and now I have

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decided I’ll sleep over at coastlands and im paying with my
personal card cause I don’t wanna leave traces. Around 20h00
my phone rings and it’s my husband. I don’t pick up the first 2
calls I pick up on the third one because I figured he won’t stop
Me: hello
Him: oh maKhumalo you’re ohk.(he sounds relieved) I was
worried sick (he exhales)
Me: don’t be
Him: you’re not home and it’s after 8
Me: I know
Him: Siphosami (he sounds drained)
Me: ….
Him: Siphosami ngyaxolisa
Me:…
Him: please sthandwa samm I miss you. I miss us
Me: ..
Him: please say something. Please
Me: like what?
Him: (sigh) maKhumalo ngyakuthanda. It’s you I love.
Me: and yet you still married her
Him: maKhumalo I didn’t have a choice, it’s family tradition
Me: well I’m not tradition. I didn’t marry tradition, I married
you.
Him: baby please come home so we can talk, reach some resolve
Me: I’m not coming home tonight so don’t wait up
Him: what’s that supposed to mean?
Me: I’m not coming home tonight
Him: why won’t you come home?
Me: I have plans
Him: baby please don’t do this
Me: you did it first
Him: so you’re just gonna give up on us Sizwesamm I love you
Me: I’m only following your lead. Just because I’m barren you
get someone else and place her in our home, my house? She
cooks in my kitchen, strides my passages and sits on my chairs
despite knowing how I feel about it? You could have placed her
in any house and you choose to place her in forrestwood. You
place her in my home just because your father instructed you
that I’m a woman and should roll over and die at your

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command? That I don’t have a say? What witchcraft did they
use on you that allows you to hurt me and feel no remorse?
Him: baby come home, please I just want us to talk
Me:Sabelo why did you marry me? Why did you ask me to
marry you?
Him: I did because I love you. I asked you because I wanted to
build a life with you
Me: ohk. I have to go, I have someone waiting for me emnyango
Him: Who’s tha….
I hang up. He calls a million times after and I don’t dare pick up.
I switch my phone off and sleep.

Chapter ten

The next morning I switch my phone on to multiple messages

“ baby please pick up” I roll my eyes

“I just want us to talk please Sizwe”

“you’re making me mad you better pick up right now” I’m

just outchea wondering why this fucker thinks he still has rights

“I’m not doing this with you. I swear if you’re out with a man
they’ll be hell to pay” what kind of a hypocrite did I marry? Is
he not in our house with another woman?

“Zesizwe you’re still a married woman”

“you better pray to God I don’t find you or this guy. You
better pray”

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Snypes idea will work miracles. I can’t be miserable now I may
aswel do this more often and have some fun atleast

“baby please don’t do this to me, to us. I love you soo much I
can’t even bare the thought of a man even look at you in a
seductive manner” how selfish I’m thinking to myself. He just
did all that to us and now that he gets a mini taste hes getting all
emotional. hypocrite

“baby I can’t do this, come home I’ll drop it all. Everything

I’ll drop it all it’s not worth it” well well, what have we here.
mcim

“its 03h37am and I haven’t slept a wink. I hope you’re ohk

wherever you are. I’m sorry I know I’m the one who did this,
baby I’ll fix it please. Give me just one chance to fix it” as if
staying up till 3am changes anything.

“Ngyakuthanda Siphosami.” I love him too. BUT he doesn’t

need to know that right now. It’s not important.

I decide since his cage is already rattled with I may aswel go do

my hair and nails just to pop. See he won’t know I did it today,
he’ll think I did it yesterday for my date with whoever he thinks
I was with. I go to LOV’ELI and get myself a fucking popping
weave. Like the poshest 24 inch shit and shaped my eyebrows
there. Sabelo doesn’t know me much with weaves and that alone
will kill him. I do my manicure and pedicure then after I finish I
head home at around 16h00, I have a date with Snypes tonight.
I haven’t called to tell him yet but I will when I’ve settled in my
bedroom which is now the guest bedroom. Our first date. The
minute I open the door I smell curry. Those farmish curries.
She’s probably busy bewitching my husband. Sabelo sees me
come in and I swear his eyes pop. I leave my handbag on the
counter and phone facing side up and go to the fridge
He stands up and comes to stand next to my bag
Him: maMbatha I was worried you’d never come back
Me:….

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Him: I’m glad you came back, I was worried about you
….
Him: I even forgot what you loook like in weaves (he smiles).
You’re beautiful
Me: thanks
Him: you have plans?
Me: yes
Him: when?
Me: tonight
Him: with who?
Me: shouldn’t bother you
My phone rings and uSnypes. Sabelo sees this and I grab my
phone
Me: Hey. (I smile). yes… when?… ai such short notice… ohk ohk
don’t be dramatic I’ll be there too… I’ll be on time Snypes… I’m
at home I’ll freshen up now and just do the make up and I’ll be
out…. I’ll drive there… no no pick me up incase I get drunk and
can’t drive or maybe I’ll drive and get a drive buddy….. ohk I’ll
see you soon…. Snypes… be smart casual please don’t come in
those jeans and tshirts you always wear…. Ohk I’ll see you soon.
I hung up and Sabelo nearly have a fit
Him: you’re going out with a man?
Me: yes
Him: why?
Me: why not? I am a single lady afterall
Him: maMbatha awuyi lapho
I give him a sarcastic stare
Him: awuyi lapho Zesizwe uyangizwa? Where’s this man gonna
pick you up? La emzin wamm?
I’m just staring at him very calmly. Like no expression what so
ever
Him: you will not disrespect me like that. I don’t care what we’re
going through you cannot. Is that why you have a weave on?
You actually went to the salon for your hair and nails for this
man who is supposedly picking you up? Over my dead body.
Me: what makes you think you have a say?
Him: I’m your husband and I won’t be disrespected
Me: I’m going out Sabelo. You have no say in that. You can
either choose one of 2. You’ll either let Snypes pick me up for
my date and I come back home to the guest bedroom or I leave

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this house with all my stuff and head to where I was yesterday
where you won’t even be able to smell me. You’re not the boss of
ME Sabelo uyangizwa?
The timing couldn’t have been more perfect because Thobeka
walked in to check on her pots. I stop and look at her then back
at him. He looks defeated.
Me: exactly.
I turn and he grabs me by my arm and kisses me. Oooh that
feeling of intimacy that I’ve missed. I nearly kiss him back but I
have to focus. Focus. I pull back
Me: what the fuck do you think you’re doing?
Him: Zesizwe
Me: stop calling my name. just like all the people whom you said
don’t deserve to call my name you don’t deserve to call it. You’re
a hypocite. You’re an excuse of a man
Him: I’m..
Me: shut up! I’m talking now and you will listen. Did I not speak
to you about the possibility of not being able to conceive before I
agreed to marry you?
Him: you did (his eyes drop)
Me: and what did you say handsome? What did you say? Did
you not say we’ll adopt or try the surrogacy invitro things you’d
read about? When I asked you what about your family did you
not say they don’t matter? That all that matters is you and me?
Did you not say it (I’m soo angry I’m shaking and Thobeka is
just standing there looking flushed)
Me: you’re an aweful liar. Fucking aweful. You have tested me
enough Sabelo. You have tested me enough. (I’m shouting like a
mad woman) you have hurt me for the last time you little bitch.
You really had me fooled
Him: watch your tone. I’m still the head of this household
Me: or what? What will you do? Nothing you do will hurt me
you’ve done it all. All that’s left is for you to hit me which is
nothing compared to all you’ve put me through and all I’ve had
to endure because of you so fuck you. Head of this household my
foot. You wouldn’t have to say it if you were, you’d be respected
for it without saying a word but because of your actions. You’re
a rotten head and you stink, hence nothing in the body will
function from a head this rotten. The head of this household is
your father all the way in ladysmith because you’re an excuse

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so fuck you, fuck your new wife, fuck your house fuck your
family and everything that comes with it. Im going on this date
tonight you fucker and you will not do me shit.
I’m filing for a divorce. I won’t even fight you for shit, I’ll take it
and if you won’t let me I’ll walk away with nothing and still be
happy you little bitch. You disgust me.

I leave them there and walk away. I grab my bag and phone and
go upstairs. I smack the door and get on the bed for a mini nap. I
didn’t sleep a wink, I cried till my eyeballs nearly pop I swear.
Lately ive been tired in a manner I don’t understand. My feet
sometimes get swollen and I get headaches that shoot through
my eyes. I don’t know whats happening to me but one thing I
know is that I will go on this date.

Thobeka.
Whatever this woman did to our husband is deep. She gets to
speak to him anyhow and yet he still loves her. It will take a
miracle to get him to spend an hour with me let alone touch me.
Ive been here for weeks and still nothing seems to be
progressing. Though I’ve been spiking MaKhumalos food and all
these juices shes been having it’s taking a while to work and by
the time it starts working our husband would have already
picked up that something isn’t right. He worships the ground
she walks on I’m sure he already knows the number of hair on
her head. I’ll call minidad
Him: ntombii yam
Me: baba. Niyaphila kodwa?
Him: syaphila MaZulu unjan wena? Ninjani ninomfana?
Me: ai kuhamba kancane baba. Akangiboni nokuthi ngubani.
Akanginaki kwakunginaka. Nghlala layndlini all day while he’s
out to work and his wife goes out all day and comes home to
sleep or even doesn’t come sometimes
Him: shes still dramatic?
Me: I don’t think it will ever cease. She throws a tantrum and
Sabelo forgets I’m even in the room. Baba she loves him and he
loves her harder. Theres no coming between them
Him: keep feeding her what we gave you. Soon her heart and
kidnies will fail then you’ll be all he has for comfort. She’ll be out
of the way in no time.

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Me: I hope so cause I’m getting tired of being a shadow
Him: when last did you put babMsingas herbs in his food? You
need them to make his heart grow fond of you
Me: he’s only ever had my food once and he refuses to eat it
because of her tantrums
Him: patience. Your family needs all the things his money can
afford. Remember the end goal. Focus. As long as she’s in your
way you and your family will not get the life you want. We need
to eliminate her then well be alright. I’ll call him to ask him to
pay you some attention.
Me: please. I need as little as a hug or a phonecall from him even
from work.
Him: ohk ntombazane. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you
Me: ohk baba. Byebye
Him: ohk kulungile
He hangs up and leaves me feeling rather hopeful. Atleast I
know the muthi shes been taking is a slow death poison. Then I
can own his heart aswel. I deserve a good life too.
I go downstairs and find Sabelo eating some muffins and coffee. I
think of something just to get him to talk and pay me some
attention.
Me: sawbona Sontshikazi
Him: unjan? (he doesn’t even look at me)
Me: ngyaphila. I just wanted to ask you to please take me to the
shops I need to buy some feminine products that have finished.
He looks at me like he’s exhausted. He looks at me like what ive
just said is annoying him but ke I need some attention.
Him: I can’t take you. I’ll ask bab’Sokhela to take you or you
could ask Xoli since y’all quite close
I feel my heart get annoyed and hurt too. Why can’t he take me
vele?
Me: why can’t you take me?
Him: because I’m busy
Me: but if it were Siphosethu you’d have dropped everything
and taken her
Him: you’re not Siphosethu now are you? (he asks me politely in
sarcasm and annoyance and calmness while he sips his coffee)
Me: no I’m not but I’m your wife too. Why did you marry me?
Why did you agree?
He wasn’t expecting that. It shocks him

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Him: even I don’t know.
I was hurt by that response. Right now I wanna say take me
home but I can’t cause that threat will have him send me
packing and not even try to stop me so I’ll just stay and keep the
vision in mind. He’ll appreciate me when I’ve eliminated her.
Me: why can’t Musa take me to the shops?
Him: Musa is MaKhumalos driver. Excuse me I need to check on
Siphosethu.
Me: shes sleeping
He didn’t respond. He just walked upstairs. I headed to my room
to get my drops to put on her juices, this has raised such anger
in me. How dare he dismiss me like this. I go back downstairs
and take out her smoothie juice to put the drops and open it,
before I open the drops Sabelo walks in and finds me there
Him: what are you doing with her smoothie?
I go blank, I swear my eyeballs nearly pop out of my sockets
Me: i…. i…
Him: Thobeka uyenzan iJuice kaSiphosethu? (he raises his
voice)
Lord I need to think of something before he hurts me
Me: I just wanted to try it. I didn’t really think it was out of
bound
Him: it is. Its her juice and I’d appreciate it you never tried it
again please. I don’t want her loosing her mind over juice
He’s making me mad again.
Me: ohk. I’m sorry. After babSokhela takes me to the shops I’ll
go visit Xoli and the kids.
Him: ohk. I’ll see you when you return.
He puts her juice away and he walks back upstairs after getting
a bottle of water. The moment I hear his door close I pour empty
the poison in her juice. She needs to disappear ngeke phela
ngdlale uSabelo. If he don’t want me then he must suffer
watching her die. I leave for the mall and my head is faaar away,
bab’Sokhela sees this
Him: are you ohk maam?
Me: im fine baba just in a bad mood
Him: im sorry to hear that. I hope it gets better with time
Me: it will. It has to.
I think for a second
Me: baba

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Him: yebo ntombi
Me: how well do you know maKhumalo and Sabelo?
Him: well enough. Ive known Sabelo for years, MaMbatha I only
met through Sabelo a few years ago
Why is he calling her maMbatha
Me: tell me about their relationship
He smiles to himself, I see him on the mirror
Him: ooh they’re the most accurate definition of love I know.
Everytime he speaks of her he has a smile creep on his face. She
gets crazy sometimes and speaks her mind, sometimes in anger
or even in polite honesty but they still make it work. At first it
worried me that she was soo honest and would sometimes swear
but I realized that its all out of love, I realized that it doesn’t
make him love her any less and most importantly he wouldn’t
have her any other way. He loves her and he can’t even take it,
he can’t control it, its beyond him. Seeing her tears rips his
heart off his chest, seeing her unhappy makes him wanna do
everything to see her smile and when he sees her smile his
world balances again, it puts everything into perspective for
him. When she’s smiling his world is in harmony, I wont even go
into hearing her laugh. He would kill for her and that woman is
what keeps him sane. He became the best version of himself
when MaMbatha came along, I was right there I watched him
transition. I watched him plan holidays and what they called
picnics, I watched him miss work weeks on end just to spend
time with her, I watched him take leave at work just because
she had the flue and needed someone to keep her company, I
watched him miss important meetings just to see if she was ohk
after her big presentations at work, I watched him loose his
mind when she was poisoned and was at ICU 5 whole days.
Everything was soo dull it felt like she was out for 5 years. He
didn’t have a smile on his face the whole time. He was as good as
dead. It’s because of her that he learnt to buy flowers, he learnt
to take walks at beaches, its because of her that he learnt to live.
Ooh Love is a beautiful thing. Their love is a beautiful story.
Me: hm
He looks at me on the mirror
Him: nothing will come between them but death. She loves him,
she’ll never leave him. You staying there will only break your
heart in the end because she’ll never accept you and if she

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doesn’t you can just forget that he ever will and none of them
will leave each other youre the one who would stay in limbo till
you actually leave. You should ask him how they met, ask him
how he knew she was the one then maybe you’ll see ya’ll don’t
have a future with him. (his voice sounds troubled, like he’s
concerned for me)
Me: I don’t think it’s that big a deal. Please forget the mall, take
me to Xolis.
Him: I won’t be able to pick you up maZulu.
Me: and why wont you?
Him: I’m loyal to maMbatha. I can’t be your driver. There’s
something about you that makes me uneasy
Me: well then, my husband asked you be my driver
Him: and kaKhumalos husband will understand my reasons. He
loves her too much to not understand or appreciate my loyalty.
(he still speaks soo sincerely and concerned. He speaks like a
father. I’m just here thinking WTF did she do to these men?)
I get soo annoyed I feel my heart beat on my bum. We head to
Xolis.

Sabelo
I’m busy on my laptop trying to finalise some paperwork I need
for the holiday I’m planning to take KaKhumalo on. After
talking noThobeka I realized I will never love her, I realized that
I don’t know why I brought her here for real and I’m calling it
quits. When she comes back from Xolis I’m having her go back
to Ladysmith. I cannever do this to my wife. It was a sore
mistake to have even had her endure such. I was never
supposed to let her endure such to begin with. I realize now that
I don’t need any validation from my fathers. Im busy typing
when my phone rings. Its Bab’ Sokhela
Me: baba
Him: Mbatha are you ohk my boy?
He still calls me his boy
Me: yes I’m ohk baba how about you?
Him: my spirit is troubled son
Me: I’m listening
Him: I’m sorry if I’m meddling in your family affairs but I can’t
watch in silence when I’m soo close
Me: don’t worry about it baba, what is it?

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Him: firstly, I think I should tell you that I will not be driving
MaZulu
Me: and why is that?
Him: I told her I don’t trust her, something about her makes me
uneasy. I’m an old man, I know trouble when it’s staring me in
the eye. That girl mfanawam is gonna bring you nothing but
grief.
Me: kodwa baba. I was just thinking now that when she comes
back she’s going back to ladysmith. mamaSophia is packing her
bags as we speak. I realized she’s not worth it
Him: I’m glad you’ve reached that conclusion my son. There’s
something about her that’s dark. She asked me about your
relationship with maMbatha. She asked me how well I know
ya’ll
I experience a mini shock
Me: she asked you that?
Him: yes. I even told her to ask you how ya’ll met and how you
knew she was the one. (he chuckles) tell her everything, she
needs to know she doesn’t stand a chance. I remember when you
called me to tell me you’ve found her. One of the happiest days
of my life
Me: (I laugh) I couldn’t believe my luck and to think that now
I’ve put her through soo much trouble. I’ve abused her baba
Him: you weren’t in your perfect senses. Now you know better.
When you know better you do better
Me: she’ll never forgive me (I let out a sigh)
Him: she will. She loves you and love holds no grudges. That
woman loves you and she’d still go to war for you. I was looking
at y’alls pictures on my phone earlier, the way she looks at you
on all these shots tells a story of it’s own. The kind of love in her
eyes on the photos here is not one that miraculously disappears.
She loves you and she probably misses your touch more than
you miss her. She’ll…
Me: I don’t think she’d ever miss me like I miss her. I miss her
genuine smile and the smell of her body in the morning
Him: (he chuckles) I know you do son. Now sort out your life and
bring back the smile on your wifes face. I notice she hasn’t gone
to see her father in weeks
Me: she asked them all to stay away. They know when she’s like
this she genuinely wants to be alone. I spoke to her eldest sister

244
cause I was concerned about none of them coming to see her and
she just said she’s best alone when in this state cause company
annoys her more
Him: ohk mfanawamm. I have to go. Make plans for your wife, I
won’t be picking her up. I’m loyal to KaKhumalo and so are all
the drivers around.
Me: she’ll make a plan or Xoli will bring her
Him: yeey that one. Another snake I tell you but that doesn’t
matter right now. I’ll talk with you soon.
Me: ngyabonga baba
Him: you’re my son. (he hangs up)
I sit a while thinking how lucky I am to be surrounded by such
people. Siphosami is just really the chosen one. Everyone is soo
fond of her and everyones spirit is with her through this turmoil
I put her through. It’s the pureness of her heart. There’s no
other explanation, I think to go check on her to tell her I’m
letting Thobeka go but I decide against it. I decide to let her
sleep, I’ll talk with her when she’s up. She still hates being
disturbed in her sleep. My train of thought is disturbed by
another ring. uMum’Phumzile
Me: Mawami
Her: kwenzakalani ngoMaKhumalo
Me: how do you mean?
Her: I’ve been dreaming of your mother again, she’s hinting me
of danger that MaKhumalo is in and I went to see BabMdlalose
about it and he says danger lurks closer than we think. Uphi?
Me: mah you’re scaring me, she’s sleeping.
Her: Sabelo what did you do?
Me: nothing mah
Her: Sabelo what did you do? (she raises her voice)
Me; mama maybe I need to see you about this one
Her: no, we don’t have time tell me now
Me: bab’ncane and the family got me a second wife
Her: they did what? When was this? (she shouts)
Me: a few weeks ago
Her: Sabelo ungangidini. Why didn’t y’all tell me? Why didn’t
she tell me?
Me: she’s been going through the motions she probably didn’t
think

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Her: and I don’t blame her. Where is this new wife? Where does
she live?
Me: she’s here. She lives with us. Ubaba said she must live with
us so that we can work on a child
Her: Sabelo do you realize what you’ve done? Why would you do
such an absurd thing? You live there with a new wife as well as
Zesizwe? Are you trying to kill mntakaKhumalo?
Me: honestly I don’t know what was happening, I don’t even
know why I agreed. Thobeka is out now but when she comes
back I’m having her taken back to Ladysmith cause even I just
realized about an hour ago that I don’t know why she’s here or
how I even agreed
Her: witchcraft. Why do you think your mother never married
your father? Witchcraft. Sabelo do you realize what you’ve
done?
Me: ma I’m sorry
Her: I hope she forgives you. For now she’s in danger and if
anything happens to her I’ll kill you. You’ve invited trouble
home. I told you your mother loves Zesizwe and you still go get
someone else because your fathers told you to. You annoy me.
I’m coming there first thing tomorrow.
She hangs up and I get off the bed and run to MaKhumalos
room, she’s not there. I feel my soul leave me. I’m thinking what
have I done. I’m running around the whole house calling her and
no response. I find her in the kitchen gulping on the smoothie I
found Thobeka opening. She has a bitter look on her face
Me: what?
Her: my smoothie tastes doom.
It clicks in my head. She must have put something in it if it
tastes doom.
Me: don’t drink it anymore we need to get you to hospital
Her: why? Im not sick
The moment she says that her skin turns pale and there’s a
blood drop on her nose. She holds her tummy
Her: Sabelo (she has tears in her eyes) Sabelo help me.
Me: we need to get you to hospital
Her: Sabelo kukhlungu
I carry her to the car and drive her to the hospital
Me: baby I’m soo sorry. Please hold on

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Her: Sabelo why? Why did you approach me to make me suffer
like this? Ever since you came into my life I’ve been in and out
of hospital, crying and just suffering cause of you and your
family.
Me: baby I’m sorry
Her: call my family, call Nzuzo no Lwandle. I don’t want Xoli and
your fathers family to see me. They’re not welcome. (her voice is
getting coarse again and she’s speaking too slow for my liking.)
don’t let oXoli in my room should I loose consciousness. I love
you. I always… (lights out).

By the time we reach the hospital I’m already drenched in tears.

I’m crying soo bad and I don’t even care who’s watching. The
Drs and nurses take over her while I sit at the waiting area
thinking I’m gonna kill Thobeka with my bare hands. I can’t
loose maKhumalo wamm. I’ve put her through soo much and for
what? What is my life if she doesn’t make it. What scares me is
the blood that was flowing through her nose. Lord save my wife.
Please. I left my phone at home and so I go to reception to call
my brother. He picks up on 2nd ring
Him: Hello
Me: Bafo I’ve messed up
Him: Sabelo?
Me: Bafo my wife is in hospital again
Him: why what happened? (there’s movement almost like he’s
running)
Me: I don’t know, I think Thobeka poisoned her
Him: niseBallito?
Me: Bafo there was blood flowing through her nose and she went
pale in a second. Nzuzo what have I done? Why do I keep
hurting her like this when all she ever did was love me?
Him: I’m coming there now. Have you called Msikeleli?
Me: no I left my phone at home I don’t know his number off my
head
By the time he hangs up he’s already in a moving car and I can
already hear Lwandle fussing. They get to me in less than 30
minutes
Lwandle: what happened? Where is she? (she’s panicking and
her forehead is sweating. She’s stressed)
Me: I don’t know they just took her in

247
Nzuzo: what happened Sabelo? (he sounds concerned and
serious)
Me: I don’t think I wanna talk about it now
Lwandle: well we need to know now so you may aswel start
singing.
I think they’ll never be a good time to tell them so I may aswel. I
tell them the whole story and the juice story aswel and the fact
that my aunt called me just in time otherwise she’d have died at
the kitchen while I was busy planning a holiday thinking she’s
sleeping.
Nzuzo looks at me with no emotion. Lwandle is crying
Her: do you realise what you’ve done (she’s shouting and hitting
me on the chest and shoulders)
Nzuzo contains and holds her
Him: baby please you’ll stress the baby (he says as he holds her
while trying to hold her and she’s kicking and screaming)
Her: why do you do this? Why put her through so much (she’s
screaming and crying all in one) why did you even marry her if
she’s gonna suffer like this in the name of love?
Nzuzo: baby please think of our baby (he’s also panicking now)
Her: Sabelo why? We could loose her, she could wake up a whole
new person. You’ve put her through everything, I hope she
leaves you. I’ve never seen a single person endure soo much
pain in my life. What happened to you? You’re a
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah (she holds her tummy)
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah Nzuzo my baby aaaaaaaaaaaaah
Nzuzo is panicking now I’m panicking and I call the dr. the
porters come with a stretcher and take her away. We run with
them and they get to emergency room
Her: Nzuzo what’s happening?
Him: baby please try to breathe, breathe Lwandle this is our
first baby, please
Her: aaaaaaah Nzuzo it hurts
I step out and let them go in. I’m now out here feeling like fuck
because I realize I could have possibly caused 2 damages at
once. Ooooh this is Sabelos dooms day. About 2 hours later
Nzuzo comes out looking drained.
Me: Bafo (I feel a heavy heart)
Him: she had to deliver
Me: bafo no. she’s not even 7 months

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Him: the baby is ohk. It’s a boy
I sit down in defeat. I bury my face in my hands and he sits next
to me. He’s just tired.
Me: how is she?
Him: she’s tired ulele. If anything I hope my boy makes it.
Me: hows he looking?
Him: he’s a healthy boy.
We sit in silence for a while. We just sit, he’s worried about his
family, I’m worried about my wife. My heart. Over an hour then
he speaks
Him: what have you done kodwa Sabelo? How will you ever
recover from this?
Me: I don’t have the answers, I just hope she makes it and that
she doesn’t leave me (I respond after what feels like 5 minutes
of silence)
Him: Sabelo you don’t deserve her. If she decides to leave you I
need you to understand that I’ll support her. (he’s soo calm it
even scares me)
Me: Nzuzo uthini manje?
Him: I won’t influence her but I won’t try to stop her if she
decided to leave you
Me: I hope it doesn’t come to that
Him: me too. Have you called Msikeleli?
Me: she said Xoli is not welcome in her room. She said should
she loose consciousness I should keep Xoli out of her room
Him: Lwandle did say that Xoli has been insensitive and
enjoying her grief. Sabelo even Xoli has been rubbing her
inability to conceive on her face
Me: Nzuzo uthini kmina? Why didn’t any of you tell me? Why
didn’t she tell me?
I feel fire brewing within, I’m both angry and ashamed. How
dare she do that to my wife makes me mad but at the same time
im ashamed she couldn’t trust me enough to tell me she was
going through such
Him: Sabelo you were too busy impressing your fathers, too
busy being husband to both of them, you were not there for her
Sabelo. She felt like you sold her out to our family, she didn’t feel
safe with you like she once did and so I guess that’s why she
didn’t tell you.

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His words pierced my heart. I cried, I couldn’t understand how I
let things get this far.
I’m busy thinking when the Dr comes through
Dr; Mrs Mbathas family?
Me: yes, I’m her husband
Dr: Mr Mbatha, your wife is in a rather sensitive state. We’re
still trying to get further clarity on her condition and it’s not
looking good for her. Her kidneys might just fail her so we have
her on dialysis and she’s unconcscious and that might be the
case for a very long time
Me: how long is a long time?
Dr: it could be months Mr Mbatha and if were really unlucky
even a year. I don’t wanna lie, it’s not looking too good. But I can
tell you that she’s fighting. You got yourself a resilient woman.
She will be on life support and we hope she’ll gain
concsciousness
Me: Dr you do everything you can for her. Every single thing
you can, if it means we fly in a specialist or specialists you do
that, money is not a problem.
Dr: we will do everything we can but we may have to set her free
after a year should her condition not get any better
Me: set her free from what? It won’t come to that. She has to
live. Dr you will do everything you can
Dr: yes sir. Please excuse me
I feel like burning this hospital down. All this money in the bank
yet I can’t save my wife, it can’t keep her alive. I feel angry
again
Me: Nzuzo what am I gonna do? uThobeka ngempela
ngmenzenjan cause I can see I’ll rip her throat of her neck with
my bare hands
Him: I’ve been thinking of how we’ll deal with her. I think we
should let Siphosethu decide when she wakes up
Me: I don’t want my wife even seeing her. I don’t want her to
even smell her
Him: Sabelo you need to be smart about this. She can’t just
disappear
Me: why must I be smart when she chose the dumb route to kill
my wife? Why must I calculate?
Him: because you have a reputation to protect and we need to
know who she’s working with if she’s working with someone.

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Sabelo we left that life long ago and I’m sure Sethu wouldn’t
wanna be reason we go back
Me: she’s the reason I left but if protecting her means going back
than you best believe I won’t hesistate.
Him: Sabelo think about it. We will deal with her when we know
what her story is. She will pay for Sethus condition but better
she suffers close than we have her know we’re on to her.
He has a point. Keep your enemies close.
Me: you don’t expect me to stay with her in one house Nzuzo. I
won’t be able to pretend, I’ll just kill her.
Him: tell her you need a break. That you’ll move out because you
need to process what’s happening to Sethu. Convince her you’re
broken. You need to get out of your emotions Sabelo, focus.
Me: If I tell her I need to get away because of MaKhumalo then
she’ll come after uMaKhumalo, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to
focus without uMaKhumalo wamm.
Him: she can’t compete with Sethu, she’ll never. I’ll have
security take care of her and also have her moved to the private
wards. Nobody will be able to get to her.
Me: I hope you’re right. I can’t afford any mistakes. I can’t risk
it.
Him: I’ll go talk to the Drs and have her moved.
Me: no mistakes Nzuzo. No mistakes.
We sat there in silence for a few hours, till I was allowed to see
her and the moment I walked into her room my heart sank. She
looked soo peaceful but tired. I felt my tears flow like river
Jordan

“ooooh maKhumalo wamm I’m soo sorry. I never thought we’d

ever come to this, atleast not again. Ngyaxolisa. Please
sthandwa samm get up just for me, one last time. I don’t know
what had gotten to me even letting her into our home.
Ngyaxolisa Siphosamm. The Dr said you’re a fighter, please
keep fighting baby, please don’t stop fighting. I still need you..”

I talk as if she can hear me, though I know very well she can’t. I
feel better knowing I treat her like shes alive and not like shes
no more.
“You once asked me what is my life, you asked me what my plan
was when I wanted us to go for the braai with people I didn’t

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trust, you didn’t want the answers then but I’ll tell you today,
baby you’re my life, you’re my plan sthandwa samm. You’re it.
Please KaKhumalo don’t leave me. Please sthandwa samm don’t
leave me I’d never make it without you, I’d never survive
without your smile or your voice in the shower. Sthandwa samm
you’re my plan, you’re my life. I’m soo sorry thembalamm, I’m
soo sorry you had to go through that. I’ve never slept with her,
I’ve never even hugged her, I just couldn’t. baby you have to
wake up, ngyakuthanda and I’m not leaving your side. I can
never apologise enough and I promise baby I’ll spend the rest of
my life making it up to you..”

Nzuzo
I’ve been standing behind Sabelo a while now and seeing him
like this makes me furious. It makes me wanna strangle the life
out of every single breathing thing that has anything to do with
Thobeka. Sabelo is not weak and I’m convinced that they did
something to him in ladysmith to have had him put Sethu
through all that. Nobody doesn’t know that he breathes for her
and it’s a pity he let this go just before Sethu landed in hospital.

Me: Bafo
Him: she’s not responding, she’s not moving (he’s crying) Bafo
there’s no sign of life in her, she’s not moving she’s just lying
here breathing through these machines. She can’t even breathe
on her own, if it weren’t for these pipes she’d be no more. She’s
not moving mina what am I gonna do without her? All the
babies in this world wouldn’t be worth loosing her (I hold him
tight. Seeing my brother breakdown like this is not a sight I
wanna remember) I’m sorry bafo. I’m sorry. Lwandle gave birth
early cause of me, now my wife lies dead still on life support
because of me
Me: Bafo it’s not your fault, we all know you’d never put her
through such intentionally. It’s ohk, everything is gonna be fine.
Sethu is gonna be fine she’s a fighter
Him: sometimes the fighter needs to be fought for and I failed
her. I failed her soo bad and if she doesn’t make it she will never
know how sorry I am
Me; She will make it. She has to. We have to go home, I called
Msikeleli he’s heading straight to Forrestwood

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Him: I’m not leaving her
Me: Bafo you can’t sleep here. She needs you live and kicking
and you worn out wont help her in anyway
Him: go home get me some stuff, I’m not leaving her. I’ve left her
many times before and she’s suffered enough, I refuse to leave
her again
Me: bafo we have to go figure out what to do with Thobeka
Him: that’s simple, kill her
Me: we need to think this through with Msikeleli present
Him: I don’t know how I feel about Msikeleli being there. He’s
Xolis husband and Xoli is awefully close to Thobeka. If Msikeleli
says anything to Xoli as his wife, she will definitely tell Thobeka.
I’m starting to think Xoli was part of the mission to remove my
wife it’s just that Thobeka was the front
Me: I think she is too. I also think baba omncane knows
something. We need to thread carefully. We will tell Msikeleli
everything he’s our big brother, he wouldn’t tell her
incriminating stuff. He’s for the family.
Him: I tell Sethu everything. Literally everything, even the
colour of my underwear. So I can’t trust Msikeleli not to tell his
wife whom he sees no fault in
Me: Msikeleli knows what’s at stake. We’re brothers and we
need to think carefully about this, collectively. Msikeleli has to
know. Now let’s go so I can come back to check on my woman
and my son.
He gets up and kisses Sethu.
Him: I’ll be back sthandwa samm. I’ll never leave you stranded
again. Ngyaxolisa Siphosethu. (he kisses her forehead again and
lets go of her hand.)
We walk out and drive to Forrestwood in absolute silence. I
mean we both have people who mean everything to us lie in
hospital beds. What could we possibly have to talk about? We get
to his place and just before we get out the car he speaks
Him: strange how it already feels so dead without her in this
house. You know,(he faintly smiles) Whenever I pulled over I’d
have my heart skip a beat just knowing that she’s on the other
side of the door and to think that there’s a possibility of her not
being on the other side of the door for just less than a year or
more is death
Me: you have to be strong bafo

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Him: I will be tomorrow but for now I just wanna be weak. What
will I tell her when she wakes up? What will I tell her if she
doesn’t remember me or anything in this world? How will I look
at myself in the mirror should she come out of that coma like a
new born baby? How will I handle all that?
He’s soo broken. I’ve never seen him soo broken and the tears in
his eyes make me wanna do the worst kinds of torture to
whoever is responsible.
Me: she might not loose her memory Bafo. She might just wake
up feeling like the day she was admitted to hospital and need to
be updated about what she missed and not forget everything.
Him: what was I thinking Nzuzo? What was I thinking?
He’s knocking on the dashboard in frustration.
Me: don’t be too hard on yourself, nobody could have predicted
none of this
Him: have I not been disappointing her since we first met? Has
she not been through enough? Have I not been a total monster
to the very heart I vowed to protect and nurture?
Me: Siphosethu is a strong willed woman. The only reason she’s
been with you is because you’ve been good to her. If you weren’t
she’d have left you a looong time ago. Don’t let this one ordeal
define your entire relationship. Now lets go, we need to come
together as brothers.
We get out the car and walk in the house and it’s quiet. Msikeleli
is sitting in silence with a bottle of cognac. The bottle is still full.
I’m guessing it’s all this stress.
Me: Bafo
Msike: bafwethu. Nithi kwenzenjan kuSiphosethu?
He doesn’t waste time. He gets straight to the point.
Me: poisoning again. Except this time it’s worse than before. She
could be in a coma for a year or even more
He narrows his eyes almost like he’s digesting this piece of
information.
Him: Sabelo how did she get poison in her esekhaya? When I
spoke to you you said she’s always home. Who was with her?
Sabs: Thobeka. (he says this with rage in his voice)
I take over and tell Msikeleli the whole story because Sabelo
won’t manage it. He’s looking pained just by hearing me talk
about this so I know he won’t be able to tell.

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Msike: you say she did what? (he stands up) Sabelo how did this
happen right under your nose?
Sabz: I have no idea.
Msike: does she know that I can skin her alive? Does she know
who she’s messed with? Has she any idea who we are?
Sabelo: you needn’t be the one to skin her alive, I’ll do that
myself. Slow and painful.
Me: guys focus. We need to know who she’s working with. She’s
too farmish to be solely responsible for this
Msike: never underestimate a person. No matter their
appearance or background.
Me: well either way, we need to exhaust all possibilities. My gut
won’t let me believe that she worked alone. Nobaba omncane
ngyamsola. We need justice for Siphosethu.

Sabelo
Weeks and months go by I swear I’ve gone grey. Not a single day
goes by that I don’t go sit at the hospital with my wife for hours
just singing for her and talking to her. Sometimes I loose hope
then I realize I have to keep believing in her. Sometimes I sleep
at the hospital. I haven’t been home since she was admitted and
I haven’t seen Thobeka since. She probably thinks its stress and
though it is, it’s also that I knew I’d kill her. Just as I’m thinking
mumPhumzile walks in
Her: baby I brought you some food
Me: mah. Sawbona. I’m not hungry
Her: you have to eat. Keep your strength up.
She hands me a basket with home cooked food and it smells
delicious.
Me: it smells good
Her: I’m a cook Sabelo (she chuckles) it is your mother who
couldn’t cook, I’ve aways been a cook.
There’s silence
Her: how is she?
Me: still the same. They say she’s better but as always I don’t
see it
Her: have faith baby. She’ll be fine.
Me: what would I be without her?
Her: have faith son. We’re praying for you. The women at the
church are coming to pray for her ksasa. I asked them to come

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Me: no. I don’t want them here. You only have church ladies in
hospital when you have no faith and really think someone might
be dying. I don’t want them here mah
Her: no that’s not what I’m doing. We’re just gonna pray and beg
God for her life. Her sisters will also be here.
Me: NO!
Her: baby she is a church girl. You can’t deprive her of prayers
Me: pray from church. Mah you don’t believe she’ll live do you?
You called all these women because even you don’t believe she’ll
live
Her: my faith never waivered. I know she’ll live, the question is,
do you?
I just can’t take it. I cry till my voice breaks. I cry soo bad I feel
it go coarse.
Me: I can’t imagine life without her. I can’t
Her: you don’t have to. God will spare us her life. You would die
with her.
Me: I’m gonna be here for the prayer. I need to make sure
Her: that’s also fine. No one is gonna stand in your way.
I hold my wifes hand and it even looks weird without her ring. I
whisper to her ear
“ wake up Siphosami. Please don’t leave me. Wake up themba
loSontshikazi”
there is still no movement but I have to keep the faith. I mean
what choice do I have?
I stay over at the hospital the rest of the afternoon. I remember
I have a house in Forrestwood and that’s where I’m sleeping
today. I drive out to forrestwood at around 23h00. I get there
and the house is as clean. Atleast Thobeka maintained my
house.
There’s no sign of her. As I walk up the passage I realize there
are now pictures of Thobeka on the walls and very few of
Siphosami. This annoys me honestly, but I’m not here for that.
I head for the main bedroom and find her sleeping on my bed in
my wifes fluffy warm but short pjs. I always wondered why
she’d buy bumshort PJs and a fluffy long sleeve top and She
always said long as she’s warm on her back and chest she’s fine,
that her big legs needed a breather.
I walk in and she looks up at me like she’s seen a ghost
Me: it’s just me. Go back to sleep.

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Her: I wasn’t expecting you
Me: I see that. It’s pretty evident
Her: can I get you some food? I cooked
Me: I’m not hungry. I just need to bathe and sleep. It’s been a
long couple of months
Her: how is she?
This question makes me wanna rip her throat.
Me: she’s still the same. She might never recover. She’s as good
as a potato right now and she may remain that way forever.
I can’t tell her any good news should there be any lest she tries
to finish off what she started.
Her: I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been praying. I hope she gets
better
Me: thank you. Me too because honestly if she doesn’t recover,
all hell will break loose.
Her: what’s that supposed to mean?
Me: do you think whoever did this to my wife will walk away
scott free? Then you don’t know me all too well
Her: I don’t know you at all.
Me; be glad. How have you been? I’m sorry I’ve been away
Her: I understand. Siphosakho has your heart. You needed to be
away to breathe again. I’m just glad you’re back
Me: (I chuckle) you’re wearing her Pyjamas and you’re in her
bedroom. Why?
Her: I’m sorry. She just has some really beautiful clothes
Me: but that didn’t mean wear them, you could have got yourself
your own
Her: I don’t have her taste and it’s beautiful
Me: get a stylist
Her: I tried. I don’t even have a driver. Not a single person in
this place wants anything to do with me. Xoli ended up getting
me an app called Uber because I had no driver and she was tired
of having to drive me around.
Me: that has to change. You’re a wife here not a servant. I’ll get
you a driver and stylist during the week. You can’t be stranded
and be my wife in Ubers.
She smiles, such a warm smile. She believes me. She’s dumber
than I thought. Now I understand what Nzuzo meant when he
said he doesn’t believe she worked on this alone, she’s just a
pawn in this.

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Her: thanks babe. I appreaciate that.
Babe? TF
Me: you’re welcome. I realized I’ve been too harsh on you when
you have nothing to do with this. You married me to bare me
children
Her: I’m glad you see that already. I’ve been dying to just hear
you be nice to me.
Me: I need to go bathe. You go to sleep. I’ll sleep in maMbathas
room
(her eyes drop. I don’t care).
I head to my closet and then the bathroom to get some
toileteries, soo much of my wifes clothes are in the washing bin.
This makes me mad. Does Thobeka really think she’s the queen
of this household wearing my wifes clothes? This is just
annoying me. I head back out
Me: maZulu you’ve been wearing more than just her PJs
Her: I’m sorry
Me: please stop. Please just stop. You can’t wear her clothes just
like I’d never have her wear your clothes. I need y’all to be
individuals.
I say this because I realize that whenever I say something about
my wife she gets mad. It makes her wanna hurt Siphosami and I
won’t have that. I may just be the one who keeps putting my
wife in the firing line.
Her: oh really
Me: yes maZulu. I need y’all to be 2 different people my love. I
prefer you as you than having 2 hers.
She smiles to her ears. It must be the “my love”. Lord she’s soo
boring we wouldn’t have worked out even if uMaKhumalo was
not around.

I leave and go to my Sethus bedroom. It’s still as it was, I guess

this retard was too mad to have cleared it off my wife. The
sheets still smell like her, her laptop is still open. I feel her
presence. I go to the bathroom and bathe in her fragranced
soaps and gels and yes she smells way better in them than I ever
will. But it still smells good.
I decide to just walk around her room and it’s just all things her.
Everthing about it is soo her. The rugs, the pictures, the
accessories it’s just her. I walk to her closet and realize that she

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has a section of my tshirts and hoodies. She stole some of my
clothes for herself because I see in her washing basket that she
has 2 hoodies and some tshirts that I’ve never seen her wearing
so I assume she wore them to sleep to feel me closer. My eyes
are teary. A smile creeps on my face when I see some lipstick on
my hoodie, she was probably busy sniffing at it when she missed
me. “oh Sthandwa samm ngyaxolisa..”
She still loves me. She loves me soo much and I just spit it all on
her face. I used her love against me without even realizing.
I go back to bed and just sleep in her bed and everything smells
like her, with a hint of me. I don’t know when but I ended up
falling asleep.
Next morning I get up and rush to hospital. I grabbed an apple in
the basket at the kitchen, kissed Thobeka on the cheek and left
her smiling like an idiot and I left. She didn’t even have the time
to fuss over me not having her breakfast cause she was too busy
smiling about a kiss on the cheek. A smile similar to
esaSthandwa when I kiss her forehead or buy her flowers.
Except esaSthandwa takes my breath away.

I get to the hospital and Nzuzo noLwandle are there. Just

starring at my wife
Me: yin manje?
Nzuzo: we just came to see her. Lwandle missed her
Me: how is she?
Him: she’s stronger
Me: how’s Bukhosi?
Him: he’s fine umfana wamm. He’s growing soo much you
should come home and see him.
Lwandle is still just quiet and staring at my wife
Me: Lwandle
Her: (she raises her eyes and they’re wet) what will my life be
should she not make it? I stole her babys name cause she always
wanted baby Bukhosi but since she couldn’t conceive I decided
we give our son the name of her baby so she also feels like she’s
holding her own Bukhosi when she holds him but now she’s not
waking up. They keep saying she’s getting strong Sabelo I don’t
see it
I didn’t know this background story behind Bukhosi name and
my heart can’t take it. Everyone understood my wifes pain but

259
me and now like the biggest hypocrite I’m here suffering over
her condition. I go around the bed and give her a hug and she
just breaks down. She cries for kingdom come. I’ll never
understand this bond they share.
Me: I’m soo sorry Lwandle. We’re all praying she’ll be ohk
Her: she won’t be as long as you keep poking me with this beard
of yours (she chuckles between her tears)
I let her go before Siphosethus sisters walk in. Zama, Pretty,
Lihle, Nondu and Thabsile
Lihle is the only one who greets. She’s woke. The rest of them
surround her in tears. Pretty cries soo much she has a panic
attack. They’re all crying while Nzuzo and I try to calm them
down but it’s not doing us much good
Pretty: awuu kodwa mntakamah awvuke. I will never live
without you
Zama: who will laugh with me in this life? Please Zesizwe wake
up you can’t die on us, what will we tell the children? Ubaba
would never make it
Nondu and Thabsile are just standing back saying absolutely
nothing they’re just crying. I guess they’re giving the siblings a
chance
Msikeleli walks into this tears party. He’s shook and hold me by
my shoulder. Now everyone in the room is just crying. It’s been
over 5 months with Siphosami looking like this. Just lying still.
“stop crying, y’all are causing sorrow upon my daughter”
we all turn and it’s her father
him: why are y’all crying? Is she dead?
Lihle: no
Him: then why are y’all crying like she is dead? Do y’all not
believe she will live? My daughter is a fighter this will not be the
end of her, I’m her father and as her father I would know if she
wouldn’t make it. Now stop all these tears and pray in
confidence.
Me: we are just..
Him: say no more. She will live. Wena mkhwenyana stop
blaming yourself. Though we’d all like to blame you we can’t
cause it wasn’t you. Be strong. She needs you at your strongest
now. Go cut that hair, shave when she wakes up I don’t want her
go into cardiac arrest seeing your monster haired face.

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We all break into a soft laugh. He looks like he’s lost a significant
amount of weight but who wouldn’t when their daugher has
been in a coma close to 5 months months?
Him: the girls blame you. Her brother doesn’t even wanna see
you cause he’s scared of what he’d do to you. But this isn’t the
time to be pointing fingers. This is the time when we have to be
strong and hold each other close as we go through this as a
family. She needs us together now more than ever
Pretty cries a river. Her husband Sizwe comes in and gets her.
He and my wife are really close and he can’t bare the sight of
her. All the husbands are outside. This leaves a bitter taste in
my mouth cause it makes me feel like they’re all here to say
goodbye kanti I know she’ll live.
I step out and find them sitting outside and I’m just unable to
hide my shame. They receive me soo well and with hugs too.
Sizwe: uRight kodwa Bafo? I’m being stupid. Qina ndoda
Me: I need her to survive
Pretty stands up and walks to me. She places her hand on my
cheek
Her: I can just imagine what you must be going through. I
forgive you with all my heart. I forgive you with all that’s in me.
This means everything to me right now. After having her swear
me the whole time, I’m glad she’s ready to close that chapter
Me: thank you.
She takes my hand “come, let’s go back in. she’ll sense your
absence and that won’t make her happy” she says.
This shocks me because how does she know this. Kodwa I won’t
let it take too much of my attention only she knows what she
knows. We walk in
They all look at us
Khumalo: ngyabonga (he looks at Pretty)
She goes to him for a hug. As they hug I look at Siphosami and
for a second there her eyes move like she’s blinking. I look up
and Nzuzo and Msikeleli are already looking at me. They signal
me to be quiet. They also saw this. I’m not the only one
otherwise I’d have thought I’m crazy like the last time. I feel my
heart rejoice. “thank you Lord” I say to myself.
My aunt walks in with the ladies from church. They don’t talk
much. They’ve been praying all the way here. When they
entered this suite they’d already been praying. We all pray and

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I’m at the top of the bed holding Siphosamis hand. Again, she
moves her hand. She tries squeezing it. I look up at her and
Lwandle saw this and she’s crying. I kiss her cheeks, I kiss her
forehead. A tear rolls from her eye and I wipe it. Nzuzo comes
closer and dims the light
Me: baby please open your eyes
She moves her hand again and her tears flow. I’m guessing she’s
figuring out what may be happening with all these voices.
Nzuzo: I need to do a check up on her
Me: do it Nzuzo
Him: infront of everyone?
Khumalo: yes infront of everyone. Everyone was praying
weren’t they?
We laugh.
Nzuzo: MaMbatha open your eyes. I’ve dimmed the light for you.
Her…
Me: baby please
Nzuzo: Bafo let me do this
Lwandle: Zesizwe please, vula amehlo sisi
She attempts opening her eyes when she hears Lwandle. She
takes a while and she opens them. She looks around, scanning
the room. Her eyes stop at her father and her tears flow. My
heart is happy atleast she remembers him. She remembers
something. She keeps scanning the room looking confused by all
these women here. As expected. She sees Pretty and her eyes
feel pity. I wipe her tears and she doesn’t even look at me yet
then she looks at Lwandle. She smiles with tears in her eyes.
“wa..ter” she says husky and all. Msikeleli gets the water and I
help her drink. She looks at me as if she’s trying to find me. Her
eyes soften. She looks at me with such grace.
“um..ubi. gu…nda” she says
we all laugh and I with tears in my eyes. Im having a dejavu
cause last she was here she woke up and said the same thing.
She slowly turns to Lwandle
Her: ba..by?... our ba..by?
Lwandle laughs in tears
Lwandle: He’s here. At the nursery.
Her: it’s a b..oy? (she cries. They flow in the midst of her smile.
She’s happy I know this smile)
Lwandle: yes it’s a boy. I’ll get him for you

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Msikeleli: I’ll go
Nzuzo: she needs to rest guys please
She gives him a death stare. Nzuzo chuckles
Him: she’ll get enough rest when she’s seen him.
We all laugh
Lihle: uyamsaba doti
She turns and sees her
Her: you’re here (it’s like she doesn’t believe it)
She tries to stretch out her hand to her but shes weak so Lihle
grabs it and they share a moment. They both cry and Lihle holds
her close for a few minutes before Bukhosi comes in. Lihle lets
her go and Msikeleli hands Bukhosi to me. I hold him close to
my chest and lower him to her. The minute she sees him she
cries a river. She reaches to touch him and that’s all she can do.
Her: what’s his name?
Me: Bukhosi. Bukhosi Mbatha.
She turns to Lwandle and Nzuzo and her tears flow. She cries
soo bad and looks back at us (me and Bukhosi) she’s still crying
Her: he’s beautiful. Bukhosi boSontshikazi. He’s beautiful
Lwandle: we named him for you.
Her: he looks grown. How long have I been here?
Me; close to 5 months. Get some rest. These are ladies from
eWesile. They came to pray with us
Her: thank you. (She smiles)
Mah: we will be on our way. Syabonga Siphosethu. I’ll see you
ksasa when you’ve rested. (she kisses her forehead. Zesi holds
her hand tight almost refusing to let go. A few seconds later she
lets go. And mum and the ladies leave)
We all get ready to leave. Nzuzo said she needs to rest. As
everyone was getting ready to leave she looks at me and I’m still
scared to even look at her.
Her: Sa..be..lo
Me: hmm (I say this not even paying attention to her. I’m scared
to even look at her)
Her: please, look at me
Me: I can’t
Her: please.
There’s sincerity in her voice. I turn to her
Her: please stay. Don’t leave me. Stay. Please.
Me: I can’t stay. I’ve done too much

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Her: I know all that but I don’t care. Please stay. You were here
every minute of the day when I was as good as dead and now
that I’m awake you wanna leave me? Please stay
Me: Zesizwe I don’t deserve you. I’m soo sorry. I’m soo sorry
Her: I know you’re sorry. You’re my husband and I know you’re
sorry. I know this more than anyone in this world.
Me: what am I gonna do with you?
Her: we’ll figure that out later. For now I need to rest and I need
to know you’ll still be here when I wake up
Me: I’ll be right here.
Her: thank you. I love you
Me: I still love you more (I hold her hand into mine)
I turn around and realize everyone left silently and when I turn
to her she’s sleeping. My heart is relieved.

I left the room about an hour after she slept. I was just staring at
her. Until Nzuzo came in.

Him: let her sleep peacefully. You’ve been staring at her about
an hour now
Me: God has been soo good to me Bafo. Makes me wonder what I
did to deserve a woman like her
Him: she just starred at death in the face. She has no time to
worry about petty things’
Me: bafo she remembers me. (my voice literally drops) she still
remembers who I am and she asked to have me stay. What
greater blessing is there in life? After all I’ve put her through
Him: you know she’s gonna wanna know what happened?
It dawns to me that the worst is not yet over
Me: I didn’t think that far
Him: and you’re gonna have to tell her the whole truth. You’re
gonna have to tell her that Thobeka is still in her house, that
she never left
Me: just like I’m gonna tell her I haven’t been in that house ever
since she was admitted.
Him: let’s step out a second. We need to talk about what we do
next.

We step out and find everybody gone. Msikeleli and Lwandle are
sitting on the couches outside Sethus room

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Msikeleli: they left. They’ll be here tomorrow around 1. Her
father asked that they give you space with her. Pretty wasn’t
happy about that
Me: I knew she’d be the first to have an issue with that (I smile)
Lwandle: can I go sit with her?
Nzuzo: baby we need to let her rest
Her: I’ll just sit with her in silence. I just wanna be with her I
won’t touch anything
Me: go through mmakaBukhosi. We’ll come get you before we
leave.
She walks to the door and stops at it. Takes a deep breathe then
opens and goes in.
Nzuzo: I’m relieved. Cishe safa
Msikeleli: ngyabonga mina ukuthi she’s alive. Sabelo
syakubongela, don’t mess it up this time
Me: never again. That’s a promise. I can never
Msi: now that she’s up. What happens ngoThobeka? We can’t
have everyone who wants to try their bullshit use kaKhumalo
as their tester. First were those pathetic women from the braai
and now is a woman who was brought here to bare you children.
What will we do with her?
Me: I want whatever is to be done be slow and painful. I need her
to go to the land of the dead and tell the tale
Nzuzo: I think Siphosethu is strong enough to decide
Me: she won’t decide anything! It was my duty to protect her
and I failed her, I will not fail her again. I’ll take this matter into
my own hands. Nobody, and I mean nobody will cause us to have
an early funeral in this family, especially not my wife.
Nzuzo: we wait for her to fully recover. We still running more
tests on her to access the damage. When all is clear, we hand
Thobeka over to the boys
Me: we’re handing her to no boys. I’m handling this.
I leave them there and go back to check on my wife. Lwandle
has fallen asleep on the couch and they’re looking soo peaceful. I
call Nzuzo in and he just melts at the sight of Lwandle sleeping
there. Msikeleli leaves to go home. I grab a chair and sit next to
my wife, Nzuzo joins Lwandle on the couch and they dose off.

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 Chapter eleven

Zesizwe
Next morning I wake up and the whole team is here just
sleeping. My husband is sleeping on the chair with his head
rested on my bed while oLwandle sleep on the couch. This is a
sweet moment for me. This sight warms my heart and I have no
camera to capture such innocence. I try to move up and Sabelo
jumps at me
Him: you’re up, are you ohk?
Me: shh, I’m fine. I was just trying to stretch.
His phone rings, he reaches for it in his pocket then looks
straight at me, back at his phone and drops the call.
Him: how are you feeling?
Me: I’ve seen better days but I’m alright.
His phone rings again, this time he does’nt even care to look at it
he just drops the call.
Him: I’m sorry about that. I’m soo happy you’re ohk. I’m happy
you came back to me
I smile.
His phone rings again
Me: pick up. She’s probably worried sick, you didn’t come home
yesterday
Him: Siphosami it’s not what you think
Me: please go away. I wanna be alone
Him: I’m not going no where till you hear me out
Lwandle: guys why didn’t y’all wake me
Nzuzo: baby shhhh
Her; we have to go love, I need to see my son
He doesn’t hesitate. He gets up, looks at us and sees there’s
tention
Him: goodmorning

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Me: goodmorning Nzuzo. Sorry y’all had to sleep on the couch
Him: aah don’t worry about it, we wanted to be here. We have to
go now we’ll check on you a little later when your results are
back
Me: oh, ohk. When can I go home?
Him: we need to keep you here a while. Just for observation.
You know to make sure you’re alright
Lwandle: how are you feeling kodwa babe?
Me: I’m alright thanks. Go check on the little one and bring me
muffins when y’all come back
Nzuzo: Bafo, are you ohk?
Me: he’s not. His wife keeps calling him and he’s not picking her
calls nor does he wanna leave my room
Lwandle: this is just ridiculous. This is bullshit. I can’t. I just
can’t.
She just said bullshit LOL. She never talks like this, something
must have changed while I was out cause last I checked she
respected the guys over and now I’m not the only black sheep in
the family. She walks out and leaves us there.
Nzuzo: Bafo?
Him: she won’t let me explain
Nzuzo: I thought we talked about this
Him: and nohing has changed
Me: please just take him away. I need to rest. Please.
I look away and Nzuzo takes his brother with great effort and
they leave. The moment I heard the door shut I cried a river. I
cried soo bad I think my well of tears dried out. After soo many
months being here she’s still in his life. In our lives. I guess they
got to build some relationship while I was in here.

I don’t know when I slept but I woke up and the clock on the wall
was 13h12. My heart was heavy. But I woke up to white roses
and lilies on the side of my bed. There was no one there. I was
about to ring the buzzer when Nzuzo and Sabelo walked in.
Sabelo looked rather stressed but it must be our conversation
earlier.
Nzuzo: ooh you’re up. Good.
Me: I wanna go home. Who bought me the flowers, they’re
beautiful
Sabelo: I was about to ask who bought them

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Me: I’ve noo idea. Maybe it’s the girls
Sabelo: I talked to them earlier they said they’d come tonight
cause of work. Lihle had to fly to joburg so I know she hasn’t
come here.
Nzuzo: relax, it could be anyone
Sabelo: didn’t you say y’all had a list, so how could someone
come on a suite ward and have access to my wife and y’all not
know? (he’s getting mad)
Nzuzo: I’ll check with the nurses
Sabelo: no you call whoever is on duty cause they need to
explain themselves to me.
I’m out here just confused by wtf is happening, like why flowers
are a big deal. I always receive flowers.
Me: hold on, what am I missing? Why am I in a secluded room?
They look at me as if they’d even forgotten I was there
Me: why are my visitors monitored?
Sabelo mumbles and I feel my blood boil
Me: don’t even think of lying to me
Him: baby it’s complicated
Me: seeing that it’s my life that’s under protection I deserve the
gift of you uncomplicating it
Nzuzo: they’ll never be another time.
I look at them
Me: can someone talk to me please (they’re frustrating me)
Msikeleli walks in with more flowers and
Msike: ai why are y’all making noise
I don’t dare answer
Nzuzo: she wants to know why she’s protected and in a secluded
room
His eyes drop. He walks closer to me
Him: maMbatha we’d never do anything to hurt you, you know
right
Me: yes I do. So?
Him: we got you secured cause we don’t want you to degress
Me: keeping stuff away from me doesn’t protect me
Sabelo in a rather scorned tone “you were poisoned again, you
landed in ICU for over 4 months because you were poisoned
again”
There’s silence in the room. I look at them and look away as I
felt the rage in my heart stir

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Me: by who? How?
Msikelleli patiently explains the whole story. I’m crying the
whole time. Everyone else is quiet. Sabelo gets mad all over
again but he’s just looking away in defeat again.
Me: so why is she still calling Sabelo? She called him this
morning
Nzuzo: that’s what he was trying to explain when you asked him
to leave. We don’t believe she worked alone so we let her stay
where she was. Sabelo hasn’t been to that house since you were
admitted over 4 months ago. He moved to the la Lucia house
and only went there the other day to have her still believe that
you were making no progress so she doesn’t try anything.
Me: so now you’re protecting me from his wife who is initially
the reason I’m here? And then you’re also underestimating her
by believing she wasn’t alone in this?
Msikeleli: we think baba omncane was involved. So now that
you’re awake we’ll take her to secluded property and cut the
truth out of her 1 toe at a time.
Me: what else do I need to know?
Sabelo: that I love you and I’ve always loved you. That I’d choose
you over my very own life anyday
Me: I know that. That I know but baby love alone is not enough
Him: don’t talk like that. I’ll sort this out and everything will be
ohk again
Me: do you think things will ever be ohk again? Do you really
think we’ll ever go back to how we once were?
Him: we’ll work on it till we get to it. We’re not loosing each
other, I nearly loose you to death, I can’t loose you again
Me; I can’t, I can’t digest this. Just I can’t. I need time.
Msikeleli: maKhumalo please
Me: koze kube inini? How long do I have to tolerate this? (they
look at me confused) first was Londi and Slie, what did y’all do?
Just had them stay away from me as if they ever even cared
about being around me and now is your wife testing me again
and 4 months later y’all still haven’t done anything. Koze kube
inini bengihlukumeza siqhubeka sidle nabo anhlamvana? Y’all
don’t want me to get a gun yet y’all can’t protect me. What do
y’all propose I do? Who have y’all ever taught a lesson over the
pain they’ve caused me?

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They look at me in defeat. That probably just stripped them of
all the power they thought they had left.
Sabelo: nothing. We haven’t done anything and we’re sorry.
Baby I’ll fix this
Me: I’ve stared at death in the eye twice. I need you to bear that
in mind cause when I get out of here, I’m taking the matter into
my own hands
Sabelo: what do you mean?
Me: y’all let Londi and Sli walk because y’all can’t harm women
and because y’all are friends and business partners with their
partners but see, I’m not. I’m not friends or business partners
with them so I can do whatever I want. Literally anything. Then
move on to your wife. Don’t worry about protecting me, I’ll
handle this.
Nzuzo: latest is that when Sabelo went to forrestwood izolo she
was sleeping in your bedroom, in your pjs and she wears your
clothes. She says you have taste (Nzuzo is always for the truth
and he never lets a situation shut out the truth. Right now
they’re looking at him like they wanna strangle him cause if it
were up to them they wouldn’t have told me this piece of
information. Atleast not now.)
Me: now I may not be a practicing psychologist but I know
obsession when I see it. Oh my God she’s crazier than I thought
Him: she is. You guys will have to redo your wardrobe cause I
don’t see you wearing those clothes anymore
Me: but I love my wardrobe. (I remember another thing) no. no I
can’t stay in this relationship. This girl could kill me because
she’s obsessed with you.(I look at Sabelo) I’m not risking that,
I’ve been here for months, that’s already time wasted that I
could have lived happily
Sabelo: no harm will ever come to you ever again. Even if it
means I live on a gun or get you security detail or even leave the
country. Anything it takes
Me: I ca..
Msikeleli: we can. We’ll handle this. Sabelo go get Thobeka, take
her to the warehouse, Nzuzo get the medicals packed in the car
its time we dealt with this.
Before they start walking a Dr who introduced himself as Dr
Jobe walked in with an envelope.
Him: san’bona

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Them: yebo
Nzuzo: ndod’yamadoda
Him: I have Mrs Mbathas blood results
I feel my heart drop.
Nzuzo: we’ll give y’all some privacy
Me: no. stay. What is it Dr?
He looks at them, then at me and clears his throat. He pulls out
the a4 sized paper from the envelope.
Him: I won’t explain this in deep medical terms I’ll just be
straight forward, the good news is that your heart is in the
clear. Your heart is fine.
Me: and the bad news?
Him: the bad news is that your kidnies won’t heal. They had to
try to clear as much poison from your blood stream as they
could and so too much of the poison was left on the kidnies. We
can only discharge you after surgery when you get a donor
Sabelo drops to his chair and buries his face in his hands.
Me: y’all should have just let me die (a tear roles)
Sabelo quickly looks up at me in defeat
Nzuzo: getting a kidney donor isn’t as hard as finding a heart so
that’s good news. Dr, start by testing me and Sabelo, see if we
match. We’ll call her sisters
Msikeleli: test all of us.
Sabelo rises looking rather shocked. He holds me and I let him, I
just cry soo bad. I mean, what else can one do when the odds just
continue to be against me. He holds me in stillness.

A month later my surgery has been done and I still don’t know
who the donor is. I know it’s none of the brothers or my sisters
cause they were no match. My father was but apparently he’s
too old to have been able to give me a kidney and I’m not
complaining, I’d hate to loose him over a kidney issue after he
has given one to me. Sabelo and I are on good terms. Still not
the most perfect we’ve had but I decided I nearly die, twice, I’m
not gonna spend a second more without him. I won’t spend a
second apart if I don’t have to. I love him and we’re a team.
Whatever this is we will fight together. We’re stronger that way.

As you’d have it, he walks in with muffins and rooibos tea. I

could smell it when he opened the door. He stands at the door

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looking like this lump of sexiness and freshness. He must have
been letting off steam at the gym cause he’s looking really sexy
Me: stop standing there looking all sexy la, give me my muffins
He smiles and I see his dimple. He’s beautiful.
Him: hey beautiful. Almost 7 months in this place and you still
look as beautiful as when I first layed my eyes on you
Me: stop it
I cover my face. He comes closer, puts my food on the side table
and takes my hand
Him: hey, hey, you’re beautiful. You’re even more beautiful
because of what you’ve been through. Your strength is beautiful.
Me: I’ve lost soo much of weight (my eyes get wet)
He holds me “ shhh baby you’re stressing over simple things,
you’ll gain the weight back as you recover. You haven’t lost too
much anyway. You’re beautiful sthandwa samm”
Me: when do they say I can go home?
Him: I spoke to Jobe, he says you go home ksasa. Finally you
come home babe. I should plan a holiday for us, we need it.
Me: Bali or Thailand or Zanzibar or Tahiti. I wanna be
surrounded by water on my next holiday
Him: we can do all. When you’re strong enough we can just do
them all over 2 or 3 months
Me: aibow a 3 month holiday??
Him: even a year. We need it. I was thinking we move away for a
few months to a year. Just be away from South Africa. When
you’re strong enough.
Me: where?
Him: we have a house in Carlifonia and London. You can choose
where you wanna go and we pack up and leave this place.
Me: you never told me about those
Him: I didn’t think. We bought them while you were here. I knew
I’d wanna leave this place when you woke up so I got us homes.
It’s a great investment
Me: did you really believe I’d wake up? That I wouldn’t die? Or
you bought houses incase I didn’t wake up and you wanted to
disappear
Him: some days were harder than others Siphosami, I couldn’t
imagine my life without you but I knew that uNkulunkulu ngeke
angphuce iSiphosami.
He holds me and we sit in silence.

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Me: I need to bathe.
Him: ohk, I’ll help you. Let me go get the bathroom ready for you
then I’ll come get you.
He gets up and runs the shower then comes back and gets me. I
get to the bathroom and he’s put in some rubber mats I didn’t
even know were there. The nurse never used these when she
was helping me bathe and redress. The bathroom is warm, he
ran the shower soo much the steam warmed the room. He sees
me look at around the bathroom
Him: I put those on the floor cause I didn’t want you slipping and
you need the room warm, please don’t stress me eLAYFINI
We laugh. He’s always loved how I say eLayfini or eCountry-ni. I
also learnt that from Khanya. I found it funny too when I first
heard it.
He takes off my clothes then places his hand on my mini band
where I had the operation. It still pains him.
Me: don’t worry about it. I need to bathe so I can redress
Him: I’m soo sorry
Me: I’ve forgiven you. Stop apologizing to me. Forgive yourself.
(I tap his shoulder) come, help me up I need to bathe.
He gets up and helps me shower. I’m done in 15 minutes. He
calls a nurse and she dresses my operation and leaves us.
Me: stop looking soo blue.
He gets my jammies. They’re blue and cute and new cause I
don’t know them.
Me: I like my new jammies
Him: I’m glad you do. I picked them myself
He chuckles. He is proud of himself.
Me: well you did a good job picking them. You have excellent
taste.
Him: ngyabonga Sthandwa, I learn from you
Me: or Vivian (the wardrobe guru for the gents)

Nobody visits us that day we just spend the day watching tv and
eating. He must have left me around 10pm cause he tucked me
in. He said he needs to go home to prepare for my arrival the
next day. Interesting enough, he’s made some friends la. I think
it’s cause of Nzuzo. Like he’s been talking and smiling with
everyone. I know that he and Dr Jobe have made some really
good friends.

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Next morning I wake up and I’m just happy. I’m going back
home nje, life for me right now couldn’t get any better. The
worlds best nurse Mapule comes in at around 09h30.
Her: maMbatha
Me: hello Mapule wamm
Her: aah, angyena wakho, you’re leaving me today
Me: aren’t you supposed to be glad? You nolonger have to deal
with me or my fussy husband?
Her: that’s what I’ll miss most. (she laughs) when they enter the
hospital looking like the world fell at their feet and ever since
you woke up they walk in here like they own the place. Yeey
they even look like they bathe. I’ll miss you most when you
refuse to eat our food acting all fussy nje
Me: ai y’alls food is tasteless sometimes
Her: but the food miraculously develops taste when your
husband feeds you
We crack in laughter.
Me: he gives it flavour. Leave me alone.
Her: those men love you MaMbatha. I swear it’s like you’re
married to all of them. They don’t need Sabelo to be here to
come here, they just do even when he’s not here though it’s
hardly ever that he’s not here
Me: it was the craziest adjustment I had to make. It took me a
while to get used to all of them jumping to my rescue whenever I
needed them
Her: I’ve been meaning to ask you, wabathathaphi?
Another nurse walks in with the cleaner. The cleaner is
ous’Jane and the other nurse who was taking care of me is
Esihle. We’ve become decent friends during my stay.
Esihle: I’d also like to know
Jane: we always talk about you la sisi. Those men are life
Me: hey beautifuls
They come over to hug me
Jane: wabathathaphi?
Me: they found me. I bumped into Sabelo and his brother at the
village table in Pearls. He was with Nzuzo. I had no car then I
was just an intern and so I was to order an uber and he called
me one kanti he’s tracking me so I asked the driver to leave me
in town instead of home (im talking andn smiling like an idiot).

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Then he had the driver follow my bus home and long story
short, he knew my fathers house in Chatsworth that very day.
He followed me to work that week till he planned another “bump
into her” moment and we met again. We’ve been at it since.
I’m just scratching he surface and talking to the ladies without
an ounce of emotion. I’m just browsing through
Mapule: you’re just lying
Esihle: kahleni bo Siphosethu
Me: I’m serious. That’s just how the story goes
Jane: ai sisi. Phela that’s just a fairytale
Me: no it’s not. We’ve had our fairshare of headache. It’s not as
rosey as it looks, sometimes we have our share. I’m in here
because we had our share sisi. We have fairytale moments but
it’s not a fairytale.
Mapule: well you’re blessed sisi.
Jane: it’s good to know that some African men in our lifetime
understand love and appreciate it
Esihle: that’s exactly what I’m thinking.
Mapule: speaking of love, I have a question.
Me: shoot.
Mapule: I’m sorry if I’m being forward but am I the only one who
sees how Msikeleli looks at Jane?
Jane wasn’t ready for that
Me: I don’t know. How does he look at her?
Mapule: ai guys don’t make it seem like I’m confused or like I’m
seeing things
Jane: you’re not seeing anything. There’s nothing to be seen
“haaaaaaah so you’ve noticed, how do you know what I meant if
you’ve never noticed? For all you know I could mean he looks at
you in disgust” Mapule
me: can someone tell me what’s going on??
mapule: I think he likes her. Whenever she’s around he.. he, I
don’t know.
Esihle: is he not married?
Me: he is. He’s married with 3 kids
Mapule: speaking of wives, I’ve never seen her. Kanti we were
introduced to everyone who was here to see you
Me: she hasn’t come to see me. Long story
Jane: we should leave before your husband kills us for
exhausting you

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Me: nonsense, he’s very fond of y’all, he wouldnt mind y’all.
Speaking of him, do y’all think he knows that his brother might
just be into you?
Jane: guys stop it. There’s no such
Mapule: I know what I’ve been observing. Siphosethu uzoybona
lento soon.
Esihle: well, If they’re as close as they look then the brothers
know.
Me: let’s do this, I know my husband is dramatic and so I’ll wait
till I recover or till he thinks I’ve recovered then I’ll invite you
all to lunch including the brothers. So I can just observe.
Mapule: sounds like an idea
I feel butterflies in my tummy. I can’t explain what I’m feeling
but it’s a similar feeling I’ve been having since I got here. I
recognize it from the time I was unconscious
Me: he’s here.
Esihle: whose where?
Me: Sabelo is at the hospital. He’s here
Jane: how do you know?
Me: I don’t know. I just know he’s here.
Esihle: uyabonake.
Me: I just know. Yazi, I think this lunch thing is too far, I could
just ask my husband…
“ask me what” that’s Sabelo as he walks in with a bag in his
hand, he comes straight to me and kisses my forehead “hello
ladies, ask me what baby?”.
The ladies are pleading with their eyes. They don’t want me
asking him about Jane and Msikeleli now.
Me: if I can have the ladies come home for lunch
Him: maMbatha you need to recover first before hosting lunches
Me: I know, I know babe I mean after I’ve recovered phela.
Him: then that shouldn’t be a problem. They really been taking
care of you. (he turns to them) thank you ladies
Jane: it’s our job
Him: y’all went above and beyond y’alls job. I’ll forever be
greatful
Mapule: you’re welcome.
Esihle: we’ll leave y’all. Siphosethu we’re gona miss having you
around. Please, come see us sometimes

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Sabelo: she’s not. She’s not coming here unless she has to be
here. This place depresses me. You can meet up anywhere but
here
They all laugh and head out.
Me: kodwa Mbatha
Him: I’m serious. You can’t be coming here for a casual visit.
Awkagezi?
Me: I was waiting for you (he smiles with such warmth)
Him: I’ll go prepare your shower
Me: I can do it on my own. Stop spoiling me
Him: I know you can but I’m gonna do it for you.
He gets up and goes to prep for me then helps me shower. He
lotions my body and gets the bag. He packed me pyjamas. Pink
fluffy pjs
Me: awu baba
Him: it’s cold and raining outside and you’re going straight
home.
Me: it’s raining? Really? (I’m excited)
Him: yes it’s raining. What excites you about that?
Me: I get to see it. I’ll actually touch it. Then soon I’ll feel the sun
on my skin and beach sands under my feet.
I’m soo happy right now I can’t take it. He stops and looks at me.
He smiles and hugs me
Him: aah babe I’ve forgotten just how long you’ve been here.
You’ll see the rain yes but I’m not so sure about touching it. I
don’t want you catching a cold.
Me: I’ll just stick my hand out please babe
Him: maKhumalo no.
Me: please. I’ll just stick my hand out for a second.
Him: just a second.

I finish dress up and we walk out like bosses. He’s holding my

hand like the proudest man in the world. Just before we reach
the door he leaves me at reception to get the car. I’m sitting here
and dr Jobe pulls through when he sees me
Him: my favourite patient
I smile
Me: my 2nd favourite Dr
He sulks
Him: who’s your first?

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Me: that title would go to Nzuzo ofcourse
Him: ooh yeah, I forgot there’s him.
We laugh. He looks at me confused
Me: he went to get the car. He won’t let me walk in the rain. Says
I’ll catch a cold (I roll my eyes)
Him: and he’s right. It would be easier for you to catch a cold
cause you’ve been warm and indoors for soo long
Me: you’re just like him. Look at this enormous hat he’s made
me wear.
Him: it’s called nje. Buka you were ready to leave without saying
goodbye
Me: I know you and my husband have become best of friends
and I’ll be seeing you outside of these walls again
“please stop stressing my wife” that’s Sabelo
we laugh
Dr: Sontshikazi (they shake hands) you’re taking my favourite
patient away
Him: that patient is my wife. Home hasn’t been home without
her. Besides she’ll be coming for check ups
Me: Dr do you not do house calls? I don’t like this place
Sabelo: he does them. Yes that sounds proper
Dr: yet we thought we were taking good care of you. Here you
are not liking this place.
Me: baba please take me home I miss my garden
We laugh. He helps me up and walks with me. Jobe walks with
us to the door.
Me: where’s the car?
Sabelo: there it is. You don’t even remember our car
Me: the Range Rover? I’m not getting in that car.
Him: hau Siphosami. Why not?
Me: I’m never sitting my bum in this range ever. Infact you
should get it out of even our home. This is the same car that
brought Thobeka in our lives. It delivered us nothing but
trouble.
His eyes drop.
Me: take me back inside and go get another car. I’m not getting
in this thing.
As I turn to go back leaving my husband in disbelief
Jobe: take my car Sabelo. I’ll use the Range. She’s been here for
too long to stay 5 minutes longer.

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Him: ngyabonga mfwethu
Jobe goes and gets his car and pulls over just before us. It’s a
Porsche Cayenne
Him: here you go.
Sabelo: syabonga. I’ll have the driver bring it back when we get
home
Him: don’t worry about that. Take your wife home.
He gets my door and gets in. before he starts the car
Him: Zesizwe ngyaxolisa. I know it will take a while kodwa
ngyaxolisa
Me: I forgave you it’s that car I hate
Him: I should take you to LaLucia. I don’t want memories when
you get to Forrestwood
Me: that’s one thing that won’t happen. I’m going to
Forrestwood. That’s MY house.
Him: you can’t stand the car. I can’t imagine the house
Me: that house, I’m not leaving. Sell or burn this range. I want
the Rover Velar to replace this one. I never wanna see this one
again
Him: consider it done.
“now please take me home” I say this as I strap myself up.
He starts the car, then he remembers something. He steps out
and goes to the range and gets my Nina Simone CD, puts it on
and plays “my baby just cares for me” and he drives. We’re both
singing and laughing and I’m just happy to see some rain. We
enter Forrestwood and I have mixed emotions. He sees this
Him: you sure you’re gonna be ohk?
Me: I’m positive.
He drives through and we pullover at the entrance.
Him: welcome home sweetheart
Me: it’s really good to be back.
Before we even step out the car the door swings open. Mama
Sophia, Nzuzo and Lwandle come out
mamaSophia is crying and the other 2 are just too busy being
excited.
Me: please don’t tell me you planned a party
Him: I don’t even know why they’re here
Me: don’t worry about it.
We get out the car and I hug these fuckers before mamaSophia
hugs me for decades drenched in tears

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Her: I’m soo happy to see you baby. The house hasn’t been the
same without you. This time I’ll take care of you personally
Me: dankie mama. It’s good to be back home. I’ve missed you
too, and your cooking
Her: your husband didn’t want me cooking for you while you
were in hospital. He said you were under strict diet
Me: I was mah, kodwa I’m sure I could have had some of your
samp namadombolo
We laugh
Her: lets get you inside before you catch a cold out here.
Sabelo takes my hand and we walk in. everything in the house is
different. The chairs, the rugs, the cushions even the kitchen
suite was redone. Everything is new.
Me: Sabelo?
Him: I changed everything. If I could change the shape of the
house too I would. I had people work around the clock the past
month and half. I wanted you walk into a new home and not get
Thobekas essence when you come from hospital.
My eyes are teary. I turn and just throw myself at him.
Me: ngyabonga. You’ve just made me fall all over again. That’s
very thoughtful of you. Ngyabonga.
Him: no, thank you.
We head to the lounge and baby Bukhosi is sleeping at the
centre of the lounge on his sleepmate rugs and blankies for
comfort.
Lwandle: I’ll take him upstairs.
Me: no. I’ll sit right next to him on the floor. Sabelo please prep
my cushions on the floor to rest
Him: no can do babe. You need to go upstairs
Me: so now you wanna isolate me nje
Him: no, the bedroom is warmer I got the fireplace running
there and we’ll all come sit there with you and Bukhosi can
sleep right next to you
Me: ok then get moving.
We all get there and I’m on the bed with Bukhosi and the rest of
them are sitting on the couches scattered around and we’re all
talking and enjoying each others company. And yes, everything
is new, even here.

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 Chapter twelve
The next morning I wake up first. It’s a first. It’s still raining
outside and since Sabelo is still sleeping it’s perfect because that
means I can sneak out for some rain. I tippy toe to the closet and
put on some shorts and a vest and head for the balcony. I open
the sliding door and immediately feel chills but I don’t care, I
need to feel some rain. I walk out and close the door. I walk to
where the rain will reach me, and it’s at the end of the balcony.
At first it was cold but I began to enjoy it. It was pouring and I
loved every ounce of it. It felt soo good. I never knew they’d
come a time when I appreciated rain this much. Ohk now I’m
cold so it’s perfect I run indoors. I get to the sliding door and it’s
locked. Shiiiit, I forgot it’s autolock even from outside. I knock
and knock and nothing. This fucker is sleeping.
Me: aibow Sabelo vuuuka
…..
SABELOOOOOOOO (I’m screaming in hopes that he hears me)
Still nothing. I’m thinking ooshiit now I’ll really catch a cold.
What was I thinking vele?
Sabelooooo (now I’m just crying)
He reaches the blinds and sees it’s me. I’ve never seen him panic
that much in life. His face was shook for days. He opens the door
Him: baby what happened? Why are you outside and in shorts?
I’m not even talking I’m just outchea shaking.
Him: I’m sorry I didn’t know you were outside
Get this, I was just cold but his reaction makes me cry even
more. I wasn’t gonna cry like this if he didn’t react this way.
He carries me to the bathroom and runs the shower with warm
water first. He puts me in and gets in with me
Me: this water isn’t hot enough
Him: if I put it to hot immediately it will clash with your cold
skin and burn you or even give you rash. I’ll keep increasing on
the temparature.
I’m silent

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Him: what were you doing in the rain. I was soo tired I didn’t
even hear you get up or out
Me; I wanted some rain then when I got outside I closed the door
and forgot it would lock me out
Him: awuu kodwa Siphosami I told you I don’t want you in the
rain
Me: and I told you I wanted some rain. I was in that hospital too
long I can’t be prisoner even at home
Him: baby it’s not that. You’re still not strong enough
Me: I know. I’m sorry.
We get out the shower and I get dressed, he puts on the fire
place and dries my afro. When he was sure it’s dry he got out
and came back with tea. We sat by the couch with a fleece and
fire watching tv. About 30 minutes later there’s a knock at the
door. He opens
mamaS: goodmorning sweetheart. You husband said to make
you some soup
me: you can’t be serious. (I turn to him)Mbatha
him: I didn’t want you catching a cold
mamaS: It’s your favourite. Chicken and corn (she puts it on the
table near my couch)
me: thanks mah. I’ll be downstairs shortly anyways
Her: there’s no need. oNzuzo left ekseni. They said they’d see
you guys during the weekend. They’re giving you time to get
used to home
Me: but Bukhosi didn’t even say bye
Her: you’ll call him on those video things you guys always use.
Me: you can take the rest of the day off mah. Or the week. My
husband will tend to me for the week. I’ve missed his food. He’ll
call you if he needs you
Her: with all due respect, I’m not leaving you yet. It’s my job to
cook and take care of you. I’ll make your food and do all I’m
meant to do. You and your husband need to spend time together.
I’ll keep calling you to let you know when meals are ready
Me: thanks mamaS. I appreciate that.
She kisses my forehead and heads out.
Me: baby you’re too much.
Him: rather that than too little.
I have the soup and he’s busy wrapping himself around me.
Me: stop it

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Him: ai wena. I’ve missed you too much to stop anything
Me: mcim. Nonsense (we laugh)
In the midst of silence
Me: baby
Him: hmm (he’s not even paying attention he’s busy flipping
channels)
Me: who gave me a kidney?
He wasn’t ready for that
Him: huh?
Me: who donated their kidney for me?
Him: baby I thought you didn’t wanna know
Me: I didn’t. but now I do
Him: baby you sure about that?
Me: yes I’m sure. I’d like to know who saved my life.
Him: Nella
Me: which Nella?
Him: Yonella. Sandiles Yonella.
Me: you can’t be serious
Him: as a heart attack
Silence…
A few minutes later
Me: how? How did she know?
Him: Sandile came to know you were at the hospital when I
missed a meeting on this project we were meant to take on
jointly. His company and ours. So when he called me to follow up
I told him you’d been admitted. He’s been keeping contact since.
He’s the one who bought you those flowers we didn’t know about
and Mapule took them to you not that some stranger came into
your room.
Me: jaa, and then
Him: then when we found out you needed a kidney he called to
check how you were the next day and I told him. He must have
told her then they both came to test and she was a match and
that’s how you got it that quick.
Me: she gave up her kidney for me? A whole kidney just like
that?
Him: Sandile says it was her idea that they come to test to begin
with. She offered.
Me: oh woow. I don’t believe it. I should call her to just say
thanks. Infact I need to see her

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Him: she’s not expecting anything in return. We told her you
don’t wanna know who donated
Me: well now that I know, it’s only right.
I feel like crying. Cause honestly I disliked her from the
poisoning incident all those years ago and now she just gives me
a part of her so that I may live. He disturbs my train of thought
just as I calm down about this whole thing that happened..
Sabelo: Sthandwa
Me: yes love
Him: question please
Me: fire away
Him: who is Snypes?
I laugh soo loud I cough
Me: baby with all your resources, you never once thought to find
out who he was?
Him: I was tempted to, once upon a time
Me: so why didn’t you?
Him: I was too scared of what I might find
Me: Snypes is Nondus friend who became my friend under
unfortunate circumstances
Him: what was he to you?
Me: a friend ( I say that with a mini smile on my face)
Him: a friend who calls you that often and delivers you flowers. I
honestly thought those flowers at the hospital were from him
Me: he’s my friend. A special one (I semi chuckle), very close to
my heart
Him: so all those nights when you never came home, were you
with him?
I get up from his chest because I realize this is really bothering
him. It’s been bothering him possibly the whole time I was in
hospital.
Me: no. Baby I was never with him. I was either at Nzuzos or in
Coastlands Hotel.
Him: coastlands hotel with who?
Me: usually alone.
Him: usually??
Me: yes. Alone or with Lwandle
Him: what about the day you went to do your hair? You never
really were a fan of weaves

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Me: Snypes told me to do it weeks before but I kept putting it off.
The day I stayed at coastlands and you sent me multiple
messages I woke up and went to LOV’ELI kuNothemba to do my
hair and nails so that when I come home you’d think I did it for a
man. That was all to make you jealous and it worked.
Him: but Snypes maKhumalo
Me: what about him?
Him: ai, I don’t understand yalls relation
Me: I didn’t understand yours with Thobekas either kodwa I had
to live with it
Him: are you saying I must live with it? Is that what you’re
saying
Me: if that’s what you’re thinking
Him: youre never gonna let this go, are you?
Me: you’re the one who raised it.
Him: makhumalo, did you ever get intimate with him? (he’s
uneasy, I can see the discomfort all over his face)
Me: define discomfort
He looks at me sharply, almost like he doesn’t believe what hes
just heard
Him: MaKhumalo (his voice is stern)
Me: Mbatha (I respond calmly)
Him: please don’t make me mad
Me: I am not mad, define intimate
Him: you mean theres a level of touching that happened? (his
face changes totally, his forehead is sweaty)
Me: manje uyadinwa yini?
Him: did he ever touch you like I do? Kiss you? Caress you or..
Me: sleep with me? (I cut him short and complete his statement
cause I can see he is feeling some type oof way)
Him: yes that. That MaKhumalo
Me: if I say yes, will it change anything?? Make you love me any
less?
Him: no
Me: than why are you asking. It’s not important what happened
while we were apart
Him: I never left you, not once. We were never apart
Me: well you weren’t. I was.
Him: so that’s a yes. MaKhumalo you slept with another man.
You slept with someone else and let him touch you (hes hurting

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Me: you said it wouldn’t change so it doesn’t matter
Him: I’m gonna kill him
Me: and that still won’t change anything at all. It wont do or
undo anything
Him: you’re confirming that you slept with another man and you
have the audacity to say such
Me: you married a whole new person and broght them home (I
laugh and he looks at me like he wants to chew me)
Him: I’m sorry
Me: don’t be. Im kidding maan Sabelo
Him: about what?? (his eyes pop. Like hes hoping I say I didn’t
sleep with him.)
Me: I only ever hugged him. I got a lot of hugd with him cause I
was always crying and breaking down infront of him, so shame,
he had no choice, he was cornered to hugging me.
Him: you went through a lot. I put you through everything
Me: and we got over evetything. We forgave each other and
moved on.
Him: I didn’t forgive you for jaaack, im the one who hurt you.
Me: I also caused quite a scene at your wedding
Him: that was a molehill compared to what I expected. I’d never
have to forgive you for that. You were well within your right
Me: even infront of abantu abadala?
Him: even if it was infront of Jesus (I laugh and he looks at me
like he’s adoring me). Youre a strong woman Sipho sami
Me: you make me strong
Him: more like test your strength. (hes quiet, after about 30
seconds he speaks) so this Snypes guy never even tried to kiss
you when you were that vulnerable?? Phela you were exposed
bare to him
Me:that fucker is as gay as they come. He was asked by Nondu
to help rattle your cage. He delivered flowers and stuff just to
get to you. Speaking of that, I owe him a trip with his boyfriend
to New York cause obviously it worked.
He looks at me like he doesn’t believe it. Like he hasn’t digested
it, like its not registering in his head
Him: uthini?
Me: exactly that. Snypes is gay.
Him: lesasgora esingakaya
I laugh for decades

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Me: umazelaphi?
Him: I have my ways
Me: yes lesasgora is very much gay.
Him: so this whole time, I’m uneasy about a gay guy
Me: yes. You’ll meet him soon when I have them for lunch. I
never once thought of cheating on you. Even this Snypes idea, I
was never gonna think of it on my own.
Him: ooh baby thank you. I love you Siphosethu. I’ll never mess
it up again. I swear
Me: I know you won’t. Now hold me. I’ve missed your arms.
Him: so nje I owe this Snypes a holiday??
Me: yup
Him: perhaps I owe him my life too. He made me realize that my
life without you wouldn’t be shit.
Me: then pay for his holiday. Everything!
Him: how long do they wanna be there?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe a month
Him: ohk. I’ll get someone on it.
Me: thanks babe.
Him: I thought you were naughty. Nondu is worse. Who thinks of
such in life (he chuckles)
Me: I know right
Him: interesting character. Perhaps I owe her too
Me: and what about me? You can’t be owing them and not me
Him: phela wena I owe you everything. There’s no air without
you
Me: perhaps a holiday with a shopping spree. We need a get
away. They’ve been supportive of me.
Him: ai uyabonake. Now you wanna leave me
Me: yeah. I need to go away. My sisters, Ndu, Thabisile,
Samkelo, Lwandle, Charlotte
Him: nonke nonke?
Me: yes. You guys can just decide what to do with yourselves.
You can catch up with work. You’ve been slacking with me sick
Him: haah kant you’re planning on going soon yini?
Me: no. when I’ve recovered.
Him: where do you wanna go?
Me: the Maldives. Kanuhura seemed nice when I read about it
Him: you’ve been thinking about leaving me a while I see
Me: not even. I just thought of it now

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Him: ai maMbatha let me think about it. You still need to heal.
Let me think about it
Me: what’s there to think about?
Him: whether it’s a good idea you go or not. You can have the
girls go then I go with you else where just the 2 of us
Me: uyabonake
Him: maMbatha when are you planning on marrying me?
Me: why are you changing the subject?? Why do you think you
hold the rights about my going?
Him: you wanna use every chance you get to leave me, every
single one.
Me: I’m sorry you feel that way. I just wanna go on a holiday
with the gir;s. kwaphela nje. Its not even about you.
Him: ohk. Now if I may ask, yet again, when are you planning on
marrying me??
Me: hhau baba, are we not already married? A Zulu wedding is a
wedding nje baba
Him: I think we’ve been through enough to wanna do the white
wedding. As a form of vow renewal
Me: all that planning
Him: we can get a wedding planner. Do you not want to marry
me?
Me: ofcourse I do. Then I’ll go to Maldives a few weeks with the
girls and tell them about it. I’ll ask them to be my braidsmaids
Him: few weeks? Ai khohlwa ke you’re not going. Haah a few
weeks
Me: ohk then 2 weeks
Him: no. maximum is a week and even that’s a push
Me: haah. Fly that far just for a week?
Him: aike you’re not going. I’m not gonna be without you more
than a week. I’m not even gonna think about it anymore you’re
not going
Me: ohk then. 1 week. I’ll probably have to leave them there
Him: perhaps you will. I’ll never survive 2 whole weeks without
you.
Me: ai. Uyahlupha kodwa Sabelo.
Him: I know. That’s why you love me.
Me: manje when do you wanna have the wedding?
Him: even today

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Me: you’re being ridiculous. After the holiday with the girls. In
4/5 months
Him: haah maKhumalo why so long?
Me: all the planning that needs to happen
Him: there’s nothing money can’t do and we have lots of it. In a
month or 2 syashada maKhumalo
Me: too short noiice. In 2 to 3 months atleast
Him: ai ok. Long as we have it soon.
Me: I hope nothing gets in our way. We always have things
getting in the way at the last minute.
Him: nothing will. Not this time Siphosami. Not this time. (he’s
determined in this statement)
Me: I need you to know, I’ll do just about anything to protect
myself. Literally anything
Him: there’s no need for that
Me: I’ll kill a bitch and not feel shit about it. Speaking of such,
where’s Thobeka? What did y’all do with her
Him: I thought you didn’t care to know about that
Me: I do now. I don’t wan’t y’all chopping people
Him: we didn’t do nothing. We couldn’t
Me: what did you do?
Him: well the boys took over and well, she confessed to being
pregnant. I was ready to handle her mina
Me: pregnant by who? (my heart beats at the pace of a drum)
Him: I’ve no idea. She said when I was away she realized that I
don’t love her and so she moved on in a way and met some Dr
guy who paid her some attention. They dated ke and she ended
up pregnant. I couldn’t do anything else kuyena cause how do
you harm a pregnant woman. I let her off with a warning and
told her I never wanna see her again.
Me: so you still don’t know who she was working with.
Him: my fathers had an idea kodwa ubaba omncane who was
behind it. He used her as a pawn and had you been dead she’d
have been my comfort and had access to all finances of this
house and transferred some to babomncane and her family
I’m shook to say the least.
Me: so your fathers family wants me dead?
Him: babomncane and his wife uZikhona. The rest of them know
nothing honestly, and aunt’Sbo loves you she’s the one who
always kept contact

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Me: I don’t think I care for that. I need to digest this I’m tired
Him: baby I’m sorry
Me: I guess I can’t do nothing to them either cause they’re your
family
Him: baby you’re my family
Me: yet they’re still alive and we’ve never heard of them being
taught any lesson for having me at that hospital for months
Him: baby please. How do I teach him any lesson? I still have to
respect my elders
Me: it is that very respect that made you marry the very woman
who nearly succeeded at killing me with your father.
Him: all I ever decided was that I’d never set foot there ever
again and that I don’t want them here. Kodwa aunty Sbo no
Thando are and have always been good to me. They’re the only
reason I still send money there, they’re the only reason I
maintain that place
Me: I’m glad you are. Rock and a hard place huh?
I intentionally yawn. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.
Him: now you wanna sleep? (he raises an eyebrow)
Me: I need to. I’m tired
Him: you’re trying to avoid this topic I see.
Me: what’s there to talk about? There’s nothing I can do to
people who have tried killing me and stole close to 7 months of
my life, had me opened up for an operation with a kidney that
doesn’t belong to me. I can’t do shit cause you’re in a rock and a
hard place, you’re family and can’t do nothing cause of respect.
Cause they’re your family or blood and I’m not, so it’s ohk if I
suffer and they get off scott free cause they’re blood, I’m just
water who took your surname in the name of love so it’s ohk, I
could still spend another year in hospital cause of them cause
hey, Sethu isn’t blood
Him: Sthandwa don’t talk like that
Me: what else is there? They don’t respect me, or you. They
tried to kill me. Yet they are dignified with respect cause they’re
blood. So then why did you bring me here cause I’m not blood?
Why didn’t you marry your aunts cause obviously they will
always take priority?
Him: Sethu
Me: no Sabelo. No. out of curiosity, is Zikhona your blood as
well? Or did she come into this family out of love, just like me?

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Him: Sethu
Me: don’t answer that. I fear the answer might infuriate me. I
need to get to bed. I need to rest (I attempt to get up, he holds
me close)
Him: Rest here maKhumalo, this won’t get between us again.
He pulls me closer to him and places the duvet over me and I’m
resting on his chest. He puts on the news channel and while he
watches, I fall asleep.

A few hours later he gets me up for lunch. We spend all the time
we have indoors cause he’s sure I need to recover and he has to
look after me. The clock is never to strike 22h00 while I’m still
up. He chases even visitors away when the clock strikes 9ish
cause he figures I need to get ready for bed and we talk a little
and cuddle since I’m not yet fit enough to do the things.
He gives me my meds and I go straight to bed. I was tired and he
had to get some work done.

Him: babe, I won’t be able to stay till you fall off today. I have a
call to take
Me: it’s ohk. I’ll dose off kwamina, I can feel my eyes are heavy
on me
Him: you sure you ohk?
Me: I’m fine. You need to stop worrying about me.
Him: I have to. I’m sorry about this morning.
Me: I was about to be the one to apologise. I just got so angry
Him: I understand. I’d probably have asked the same questions.
Me: how are you Sabelo? You’re alyways watching me and you
don’t take care of yourself.
He sighs..
Him: it’s a lot I won’t lie. I don’t wanna leave you alone, at the
same time I have work but I have to be sure you’re ohk aswel
Me: but you can go to work, I can manage on my own
Him: and you run in the rain knowing very well that you’re not
fit enough yet.
Me:…
Him: what would have happened if I were at work? It would
have taken mamaS hours to come looking for you when she
brings you breakfast, by that time you’d probably have frozen to
death.

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Me: awuu Sabelo
Him: today I realized I can’t trust you with yourself. At first I
couldn’t concerntrate at work because you were’nt well. Now I
wouldn’t be able to concerntrate because I can’t trust you not to
do anything that might harm you.
Me: you can’t be worried about me as you would with Lunathi
Him: but baby it’s the things you do that cause that. I’m not
trying to control you. I know you were tied to the hospital bed
and a bedroom is the last place you wanna be at, but if we don’t
take care of you, you might just be tied to that bed longer, or
even dead and I don’t think my heart would be able to survive
that
Me: I got tempted by the rain, that’s no excuse. It was
irresponsible of me. I’m sorry. It will never happen again. I
promise.
Him: hmm
Me: I promise. I’ll follow Drs orders and I won’t do anything that
would harm me
Him: no matter how tempted you are?
Me: no matter how tempted I am. I’ll call you even to tell you I’m
thinking of doing something stupid. I’m sorry you’ve felt like
you had to watch me like a toddler
Him: don’t get me wrong, I love staying home with you and
taking care of you. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I just
wanna know that in urgent cases where I can’t be home, I can
trust you enough to not do silly things
Me: you have my word. Thank you. Now go get that call done at
the study, before you’re late
Him: they can wait. I’m still talking to my wife.
Me: baby you can’t keep clients waiting cause you’re talking to
me. That’s unprofessional and isn’t good for business
Him: I will never compromise on you Siphosethu, never.
Bengamane bayeke cause at the end of the day, our happiness
and health matter much more than all the money in the bank. I
learnt this watching you lay on the bed and all the money in my
bank, the safe and even the family business wasn’t enough to
keep you alive.
Me: I understand. I’ll make your life easier and I’ll behave. You
have my word.

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Him: Siphosethu, perhaps you should know this. I’m not being
proud or boastful, but we have enough money to last us and our
kids and perhaps hundred generations down. We don’t have to
take any other contract or tender and it still wouldn’t affect our
lifestyle. We have businesses self generate their money, we have
assets. The reason we worked this hard was so we have the
option or convinience of being with our families whenever we
decided. We have employees to take care of, that’s why we still
go on, cause they have families to take care of.
Me: I don’t believe this (I legit don’t. my eyes could pop right
now)
Him: I’ve realized you never really got to understand. You never
asked. Even when you spend you sometimes count. You count
because you don’t realize how much God has blessed us. We give
back, we have a bursary foundation, feeding schemes and God
keeps multiplying.
Me: oh, I guess I need to learn the ins and outs of business.
Perhaps it’s time
Him: well, when you’ve recovered I’d be more than happy to
take you through it all. For now the point of this conversation, is
just so you know you’ve been teaching all of us lessons without
even knowing.
Me: how? (I’m a little confused there)
Him: We appreciate life more and are more grateful. Before I
cared about contracts and tenders, I’d be frustrated when we
lost a tender. But when you came along that became nothing, it
minimized to absolutely nothing. So stop worrying about a call I
might miss or a meeting I might be late for. I’d rather loose all
future contracts than loose you cause I was in a hurry for a
meeting or a call cause I know we’d still live generations down.
Me: I hear you. I love you
Him: not as much as I love you. Sethu you’re the very beat of my
heart.
Me: I realize. Thank you.
Him: get some sleep. We’ll talk again. Stop worrying. I’m alright.
Me: ohk. Goodnight. I’ll probably be asleep when you come back.
Him: you will. You’re sleepy already and I haven’t even left. Rest
my love. I love you.
He covers me with the comforter and kisses my forehead. Soo
warmly.

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Him: I love you Sami. Rest.
He switches the lights off and off he goes. I must have fallen
asleep 5 minutes or less after he left the room.

I don’t know when he came to bed, but it’s his phone I hear ring.
But it’s like it’s ringing at such a distance. It doesn’t stop and it’s
annoying me. I check the time and it’s the early hours of the
AMs. His phone keeps ringing and it’s annoying me. I shake him
up
Me: Sabelo your phone maan!
Him: ai
Me: get your phone Sabelo!
Him: you get it (he’s just deep in his sleep. It rings till I get up
and get it)
Me: next time put this thing on silence,mcm. I don’t know why
you bought it if you will ignore some calls
He’s not even hearing me. Mcim.
I pick up
Me: hello (I’m also sleepy aswel, even my voice gives it away).
Caller: mntanami nilele ngyaxolisa
Me: kulungile mah
Caller: please come home, it’s urgent
She’s crying and I don’t even know who it is. I shake Sabelo
awake and put on the side lamp
Me: mah, I’m not hearing you
Caller: it’s me uSbo. Please my children come home.
Me: mamah kwenzenjani?
Her: there’s a situation. It’s a matter of life and death. Please
baby I know your husband said you’re never coming here again
but this seems to need you more than it does him
Sabelo takes the phone
Him: mah you’re scaring her. Kwenzakalani??
Her: ubaba wakho la ukhala ngomaKhumalo. Ngathi uzothula
noma inini.
Him: you know how I feel about that
Her: please mfana wamm enzelani mina. Ngyacela zingane
zamm you know I wouldn’t be bothering you singekho isdingo
As he’s on the phone my phone rings. uLwandle
Me: makaBukhosi

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Her: have you spoken to aunt Thando?
Me: Sabelo is on the phone with aunt’Sbo as we speak
Her: she asked us to talk to y’all but we asked them to handle it
themselves. Have y’all decided what y’all gonna do?
Me: honestly I don’t know. What if it’s a trap?
Her: Sbo loves you too much to trap you. Kushuthi it’s serious
Me: I don’t think I’m strong enough for that. i.. I just never
thought I’d have to deal with Babomncane ever again and this
just disrupts a lot for me.
Her: I understand. And whatever you decide I’m behind you
100%. I know what you had to endure and so I’ll understand
Me: thanks babe. Let me call you back.
Her: let me know if you decide to go. We’ll come with y’all. I
won’t have you there alone.
Me: thanks mah. Let me hear what my husband has to say.
I hung up and Sabelo is sitting on the side of the bed looking
defeated.
Me: Lwandle.
Him: I figured. What’s she saying?
Me: she says aunt’Thando called them
He scratches his head.
Him: baby what do we do in situations like these?
Me: we don’t run.
Him: but baby..
Me: We never run!
He looks at me like he’s trying to read my face
Him: I don’t wanna see him Siphosethu. Me not doing anything
about him landing you in hospital was just out of respect for
family not that I wanted to see him someday
Me: I don’t wanna see him either but the way aunt Sbo was
crying broke my heart. I don’t think I’d be able to live with
myself if anything happened and I didn’t go as aunt Sbo was
asking.
Him: this isn’t fair. He nearly kill you. I nearly loose you because
of him.
Me: you didn’t loose me. I’m still here
Him: you are here still recovering with someone elses kidney
and months of your life wasted to Ballito hospital.
He is pained by this. He gets up and goes to the bathroom then
comes back about 5 minutes later.

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Me: we should go.
Him: if they hurt you again, I’ll never be able to forgive myself
Me: if they even attempt to, we will leave at once.
Him: what am I gonna do with you Siphosethu? I’ve never met a
stronger person in my life
Me: it is you who makes me strong.
He comes to me and holds me in silence. He lets me go about 5
minutes later.
Him: get ready. We go.
Me: go shower, I’ll pack.
Him: no. I’ll bathe with you. Come.
We go shower and well shit goes down. The love we make, I
know this really stresses him out because of the steamy session
we just had. Just after we finished
Me: aibo udinwe yini?
Him: nothing.
He walks to the closet to get some clothes out. And places them
on the bed. The whole time I’m sitting on the automan lotioning
my body.
Him: can I get you some clothes out?
Me: yeah sure.
I’m lotioning as he’s packing. I have no energy for packing or
even checking the clothes he’s packing cause vele nje I have
clothes in our room in Ladysmith.
Him: awungikhuzi ngani?
Me: ngani?
Him: why am I packing? We won’t be staying there
Me: oh, I was thinking, you packing for incase we have to go to a
hotel, incase whatever this is requires more than a day
Him: ai, I doubt I’d still wanna stay. Kodwa ke, I’ll pack you just
one outfit though deep down I know we won’t be staying.
Me:ohk baba.
Him: I placed your clothes on the bed.
Me: thanks babe.
There’s a heaviness happening la. It’s tense but not the
unhealthy kind of tense, it’s just that we’re both uneasy about
the trip.
Him: you know we don’t have to go right?
Me: I know but we must.

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Him: (he comes to kiss my neck) you’re a strong woman
Zesizwe. I love you.
Me: I know you do. I love you more.

I get up to get dressed. When I look on the bed it’s my black and
grey Hilfiger tracksuit. I look at it and then at him.
Him: what?
Me: I can’t wear pants kini
Him: you will. It’s cold. They can’t call us at 01h30 ekseni and
expect you to wear a dress. Gqoka Sizwe sambe
Me: kodwa Sabelo
Him: kodwa lutho. You’ll wear your tracksuit and warm
slippers. When we get home you can wear takkies or some other
warm shoes. I just checked the weather, Ladysmith is cold lately
and you will not be there in skirts. Get dressed
I don’t dare object. I just let him
Me: please call Nzuzo. They said they’d come with us.
Him: oh. Ohk.
He grabs his phone while I go brush my teeth and we go
downstairs. While he packs the bags in the boot I grab some
fruits from the fridge. He comes back.
Me: do you need anything?
Him: just an apple
I get his apple, peaches, grapes, naartjies and a kiwi. Then I get
our bottled juices and water bottles. I love eating and its 03h35
so I can’t eat proper food.
Me: you sure you don’t want a shake?
Him: no, I’m fine. We need to get going, I wanna get this thing
out of the way
Me: don’t be impatient. You’re snappy
Him: I’m sorry. I’m just anxious. (he comes closer to hold me)
Me: father I pray in the name of Jesus. I pray Lord for peace
that passes all human understanding, I pray Lord that you give
us patience with each other and those who surround us. May we
be patient with drivers on the road and Lord whatever we find
in Ladysmith, may it bring us peace and may we grow in
understanding. I pray for journey mercies and that we may
come back in one piece. May whatever we find not come
between us and I pray for my husband Lord. He is the head of
our household and I need him to have a clear mind. I pray Lord

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that you take care of his anxiety and grant him peace. I ask of
all this in the name of Christ Jesus our Lord.
I pat him on his back and he lets go of me. He kisses my
forehead
Him: I love you.
Me: I love you too. Let’s go.
We get out the house, to the garage, he opens my door to the G63
and we leave Forrestwood. The drive is silent. He’s driving and
I’m eating my fruits nje without a care in the world.
Him: tjoo baby you love food
Me: leave me alone, I’m hungry
Him: we could pass at the gas station and get you some
Me: no. too early for that.
Him: how are you feeling?
Me: I’m over it. We’re headed there anyway so it’s no use
worrying about it.
He doesn’t respond to that. He keeps driving looking all sexy la.
I honestly would kill for a nap but I can’t. I’m also a little
anxious about this trip kodwa I won’t have him see that cause if
he does he’ll turn this car around and drive right back to
Forrestwood.
Me: please pass the gas station la eCamperdown, I need the loo
Him: wanna pee??
Me: everything, I can feel my tummy getting weak or even loose
Him: baby we don’t have to go.
Me: we will
Him: baby youre nervous even yiur tummy is rreacting. Ngeke
nje
I maintain silence. As he drives in at BP I get off the car and run
in like an idiot.

Chapter thirteen

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We’re in Ladysmith about 3 hours later. As we approach the
yard my heart sinks. He sees this
Him: we can turn right here and go back
Me: we don’t run. Open the gate and we go.
He gets out the car and opens the gate. Drives in and it’s only
now that we realize that oXoli are here.
Him: I didn’t know Msikeleli would be coming
Me: me neither. I only spoke to makaBukhosi.
Him: come, let’s go.
He steps out the car and goes to the boot to get my takkies. He
helps me put them on then I step out the car aswel and as we
approach the main house, aunt Sbo comes to open. She sees us
and looks rather relieved and in disbelief
Her: I’m soo glad y’all came. I didn’t think y’all would come
Me: sawbona mah.
I give her a hug and she just breaks down
Her: I’m soo sorry ngane yam. I’m soo sorry you had to go
through everything because of our family. I’m soo sorry
Me: don’t worry about it. What’s happening?
Her: everybody is waiting for you. Come.
I hold on to Sabelo with my other hand. We walk in and Xoli is
drenched in tears, Msikeleli is sitting on the opposite end of the
room looking like he’s breathing fire. The other uncles are
sitting quietly on the couches. There’s obvious tension.
Sabelo squeezes my hand. I look at him and he’s looking ahead.
This must be to assure me
Him: San’bona ekhaya
Msikeleli turns over and looks at us. His eyes are red. Almost
like he’s been crying. He walks over to me and hugs me and
takes my hand
Msike: maMbatha, how are you?
Me: I’m ohk. Kwenzakalani? Y’all are scaring me
Msike: don’t be scared now. We got you. We all got you now.
Sabelo: ai khulumani phela
Msike: maMbatha just know we’re sorry. About everything.
Aunt Thando: Sabelo, please come this way noSiphosethu. Your
father would like to see y’all.
Sabelo looks at me.
Uncle’bheki: why are you wearing pants emzini?

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Sabelo: because it’s cold and she’s still recovering from the mess
sy’all created.
Bheki: but you know tradit….
Sabelo: with all due respect, it was out of respect for tradition
that y’all had me marry Thobeka only to have my wife land in
hospital for months on end. It was cold. Y’all called us at
01;30AM so excuse me for having MY wife wear warm clothes
and a hat and not a doek with iphinifa.
He’s not even showing any sort of emotion. It’s like he doesn’t
even want to be here. He just looks like he’s having a “no
nonsense” morning.
“Siphosami, asambe” he says this soo firm I’m scared to say a
single word.
We walk in the room and aunt Zikhona, Sbo, Thando,are sitting
there looking blue. Zikhona looks at me with a puffed face.this is
sad. I look around and I don’t see babomncane.
Me: san’bona
Them: san’bona sisi.
Sbo: please sit.
We sit as requested.
Zikhona looks up at us and kuphele konke ukusa
Her: ngyabonga ukuthi nizile. I appreciate it.
Sabelo: why are we here?
Her: your father here wants to talk to y’all. maKhumalo more.
Me: where is he?
They look up at me in shock and point at him on the bed.
Aibo Jesu I didn’t see him. He is thin. He got lost in the sheets I
swear.
Him: maKhumalo. Usufikile
Me: yebo baba sesfikile
Him: I asked them to call you my child.
My child? Who’s he fooling? Why is he being nice all so
suddenly?
Him: I’m sorry ngane yam. About everything (he coughs) it was
a low blow from me to do to you what I did.
Me: then why did you do it?
I say it with a shakey voice even. I was scared to ask.
Him: ngyaxolisa ngane yam. I was selfish. It was me who
ordered everything and used Thobeka as a pawn. The whole and

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honest truth was greed. I can’t sleep or eat or do anything
anymore and it’s because of all these lies.
Sabelo: can we have the truth in its entirety right now, leave
nothing and no one out.
Him: I was always greedy (he stops and is silent for about 30
seconds. Like hes thinking of something).
Him: Call everybody, your brothers I guess it’s time I come clean
so that I may die in peace
Zikhona: that’s not why you called them here (she looks jumpy
to say the least)
Sbo stands at the door and calls for Msikeleli and Nzuzo is also
here. They all come in noLwandle, Xoli and the 2 uncles who
were at the lounge. It’s a big bedroom so we all gather around,
Sabelo and I sitting on the couch closest to him cause I guess
this is more about us than anyone else. Zikhona is sweating.
Literally. Lwandle sits next to me and looks at me shocked when
she sees I’m wearing pants
Me: Sabelo
She smiles.
Babomncane: zingane zamm. It’s time I just come clean.
Sabelo is getting impatient
Sabelo: baba we’ve been waiting for you, please stop going in
circles and talk. We can’t gather here while you’re busy telling
us it’s time you tell us the truth yet you don’t tell us what that
truth is. Please we don’t have all morning.
The room is silent. I look at him and everybody is looking at me.
I won’t dare say a word. When he’s like this, I know my place.
Weeh I find my lane.
Baba: I’ll take it from all the way back and I hope y’all can
forgive me. (coughs) if y’all don’t, I’ll understand. I’ve always
been the one in the family who was given the least attention. It
got to a point where I thought my parents didn’t intend on
having me. I was full of hate from the time I was a kid. It grew
worse as I got older.
Zikhona: I don’t think this is a good idea. Don’t do this mnyen
wamm
Baba: Zikhona stop. I’m still the man here even on my death
bed. (he coughs) y’alls father never left y’all intentionally. It
was me. Yimi owamshaya ngoduka nezwe when I realized that
he was bearing too many sons.

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I look around and the brothers in here are shook. Nzuzo is
literally at the tip of his seat.
“when our parents died he wanted to take over. He was the
eldest and wanted to run all things in this house and I wasn’t
about to have it. I was scared that he’d marry your’lls mother
and take over everything. So I handled this the traditional way
and unfortunately it worked. By the time I wanted to reverse it
and find him I was already too late. Right now I feel terrible
because I don’t know where or how he is. I’ve never known
peace ever since”
Nzuzo: you mean to say you’re the reason we grew up without a
father
Baba: I am. I’m soo sorry. I didn’t know things would end up this
way.
Msikeleli: I don’t believe this. I honestly don’t believe this
Uncle: please, let him finish. Now I’m curious to hear the rest of
it.
Baba: I hated your father. I tolerated y’all. When y’all grew up
and y’alls lives started taking shape I always knew y’all would
be wealthy. Inyanga yami always did tell me there was nothing
we could do to stop that and so the next possible way was to
take y’alls wealth from the inside. Y’all grew up and went into
business and I got even more jealous because my sons have still
not mounted to anything yet they have a parents guidance and
y’all who have no biological parents are doing soo well. Y’all took
care of us without even complaining. It was such a pleasure for
y’all. (he looks at Xoli and she wails) my wife grew fond of Xoli.
We couldn’t use her. Sabelo I’m the reason your kids never
lived.(silence…) They were the sacrifice because I couldn’t use
ezaMsikeleli cause Zikhona loved Xoli and advised against it.
You were the next option.
I hold on to Sabelos arm because I fear what might happen next.
His forehead is sweating and he keeps clenching his jaws.
Sabelo: what the fuck is that supposed to mean? What are you
saying kahle kahle? Zikhona uthini umnyeni wakho? (I feel the
frustration in his voice)
Zikhona is crying and Xoli is crying silently
Baba: When maKhumalo came in the picture I knew that our
plans might just be ruined but it was worth a try. She is possibly
the reason you’re still alive. That’s why it was important we get

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her out of the way first. (silence…).. We realized the dislike
MaNdlela (Xoli) has for MaKhumalo, it was quite obvious and
Siphosethu was blinded by your (he’s looking at Sabelo) love soo
much she didn’t see it. When Zikhona was just speaking to Xoli
to figure her feelings about Siphosethu she came back with a
possible plan to get her out of the way (he coughs). Phumlile was
too powerful. I learnt later that y’alls mother loves Siphosethu.
She took on that battle herself. Siphosethu you are soo
protected, by both God and your ancestors. Xoli told my wife
you couldn’t bare children and that the best way to destroy y’all
was by getting Sabelo a second wife who would bare children
and poison you from inside. She had just the person in mind.
Her cousin Thobeka Zulu. I don’t know how she convinced her
but Thobeka finally agreed and we made it seem like tradition.
Then we bewitched you Sabelo, that’s how you agreed soo easily.
Xoli told us there was no way you’d agree voluntarily or out of
force because of the love you have for Siphosethu
Me: Xoli was the mastermind behind all this? (I’m not even
believing it yet it’s soo believable)
Baba: she is not the only one to blame. She may have thought of
it but it was us who agreed to initiate it. It was our idea to make
it seem traditional. Ngyaxolisa ngane zami.
Me: what exactly did y’all have in mind?
Zikhona: Thobeka had been poisoning you long before you
landed in hospital.(her tears flow as she speaks) It was meant to
be a heart and kidney failure in the long run but she lost focus
somewhere inbetween and overdosed you out of jealousy.(she
wipes her tears) That’s how you landed at the hospital that day.
We were shocked that your heart didn’t get affected when your
kidnies did. Xoli got us that substance. We’re sorry. We let evil
take over.
I look at Xoli and she’s drilling the floor with her eyes. I don’t
know when or how but it was within seconds that I was on top of
Xoli slapping and punching at her.
Me: how dare you, you’re absurd. How dare you come to my
house planning my death? What did I do to you to have you
wanna hurt me soo bad? (that time the slaps are just flowing
along with my tears. A second, I feel Sabelos arms around me,
he always holds me effortlessly and today is no different. He
rests his head on mine and I’m on the floor, crying.

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Me: Sabelo she hurt me soo baad, hurt me soo bad
Silence…
Me: how do you hurt someone like this? She could have stayed
away from me, our home if she knew she never liked me. All
that hurt and pain (I’m drenched in tears, every one else is
sobbing)
Sabelo: we shouldn’t have come here Themba lami. We should
go.
Me: Sabelo this is too much, this is a lot (I’m talking and crying
all at once)
Him: I don’t like it when you’re like this. I’m so sorry sethu. I’m
soo sorry.
Me: have I not been good to your family? Have I not done all I
could?
Sbo: you did everything and soo much more. You didn’t deserve
this maMbatha (she’s also sobbing)
Sabelo: let’s go. This won’t change our lives whether we know it
or not. Let’s just go.
Me: Thobeka is your cousin? (I look up at Xoli)
She nods in shame.
Sabelo: what exactly do y’all expect us to do with all this
information?
Baba: I’m telling y’all this so that I may die or heal. I’ve been
sick and miserable for months. It was either this or I stay sick
“YOU’RE THE REASON WE GREW WITHOUT A FATHER, THE
REASON I HAVE NO KIDS? YOU’RE THE REASON I LOST BOTH
MY CHILDREN” Sabelo says this and there’s fury and tears in
his eyes. He’s both angry and broken. “ARE YOU HAPPY WITH
WHAT YOU’VE ACHIEVED? MY WIFE CAN’T CONCEIVE AND
I’VE LOST 2 BABIES THAT WERE MY ONLY SHOT AT THIS
PARENTING THING AND Y’ALL ARE RESPONSIBLE?
Msikeleli: Xoli how true is this? (he asks soo calmly)
She wails
“I just wanna know if it’s true?” Msikeleli
she nods “its true. Its all true”
Sabelo: Xoli you wanted my wife dead? Why would you do that?
Her: she just came and took over. Everybody was just always
ready to rescue her at all times. I got jealous
Msikeleli: you were never poisoned or recovering. She was. How
do we not jump when she’s at a hospital bed for months?

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Nzuzo: last I checked we jumped for you throughout your
pregnancies so I don’t understand. Just like everyone jumped at
Lwandles pregnancy.
Me: did you know Nomsa Xoli?
(there’s instant silence)
Her: yes I did.
Me: when Sli and Londi poisoned me at the braai.. did, did you
know? (everyone is shocked at this because the probably didn’t
think this far. They are just not expecting her to be capable of
such.)
She cries and nods
“So you hated and planned for her death even before you met
her” Lwandle passes this comment in sadness
xoli: I’d already known she’d take over. I felt threatened. My
husband used to praise her even before he met her. He’d always
say “Sabelo seems to have caught a big one, she’s not ready to
meet us we will give her space, this woman is good for Sabelo
you should see how good he looks, maKhumalo has a beautiful
heart she takes care of sabelo soo well. I’m soo happy for Sabelo
he’s been through a lot.” Everything became about maKhumalo.
Siphosethu I’m soo sorry
“and you thought to kill her was the only way to fix this? You
thought removing her would reassure your place? You couldn’t
talk to your husband about your insecurites instead you wanna
strip me off my heart” Sabelo shouts in rage.
Xoli: I would have, but then he came back home that day
speaking of how he’s always known there was something special
about her because you’d told him your mother led y’all to each
other and that she was your future because you mom loves her.
There was no way I could compete with that. I couldn’t even try
Msikeleli: we’ve heard enough. This is now enough. We will look
for our father, if we’re lucky we will find him. We leave now and
Xoli I’m taking my kids. You are too toxic you can never raise
them
Her: Msikeleli please. Please don’t strip me off my kids. Please
don’t I won’t survive without them (she wails)
Him: I’m not even doing this to punish you. I’ll let karma deal
with you. I just can’t have my children raised in such toxicity
cause they will grow more toxic.
She stands up and tries to hold him

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Her: baby please, I’m sorry, please don’t do this to me we can fix
it I’m sorry.
Msikeleli: how do you do this to Sethu? You were with her
practically everyday. How could you?
Her: I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I let it all just take over
Msikeleli: I can’t have someone who sometimes doesn’t think,
raise my kids
Xoli: (she turns to me) Siphosethu, Sabelo I’m sorry. Please you
have to forgive me (she comes to me and before she can reach
me Sabelo stands infront of me)
Him: you will not come anywhere near my wife. You’re not
welcome anywhere near us.
Nzuzo: I need to digest all this evil in this house. I have to go.
Me: I’m coming with you. I can’t. My heart can’t.
Baba: maKhumalo, Sabelo syaxolisa. We’ve caused y’all the most
pain. If I die atleast I die in peace
The women in the room are crying, the uncles are just sitting
there looking like the world has crumbled.
Sabelo: I am now one without my fathers family. Y’all are dead
to me and my wife. Aunt Sbo, Thando if ever y’all wanna see or
talk to us, there’s a phone. We’re never coming here again. Xoli I
trusted you with my life and it saddens me that you would do
such to my wife. To me. You’re also dead to me. I never wanna
see you all again. Baboncane I hope you recover so you live to
see your own sorrow.
Msikeleli: what level of witchcraft is this?
Sabelo: Siphosethu, let’s go.
I take his hand and we walk out first. Everyone else follows.
Aunt Sbo and Thando come to us
Thando: we’re soo sorry. We didn’t know none of this. I’m soo
sorry you had to go through all this in the name of our family
Zikhona comes out tears and all
Her: I’m really sorry, infact no amount of Sorries can erase this.
I’m soo sorry. Now I’m glad you came into Sabelos life. Your love
is powerful Siphosethu. It’s a powerhouse. It’s the strongest any
of the brothers have ever had. Sabelo lives because of you. He’s
alive today because of you. If we were real and good parents,
we’d have been happy our son got someone like you. Even if you
never see me again, know always that I’m sorry.

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Me: you’re not sorry. You didn’t want him tell us anything, you
said he didn’t call us for that.
Her: Siphosethu I’m really sorry.
Me: greed and selfishness. You’re not sorry, you’re just sorry
circumstances forced yall to tell us all you’ve done
Her: oh Nkosi yam
Me: you wanted to kill me, you killed our babies, 2 whole babies.
How I’ll never be a mom, Sabelo doesn’t have offspring and
nihleli la kanti nenza izinto ezinje (my tears fill my eyes,
everyone is silent)
Her: Long as you know I’m sorry. I’m very sorry. Nothing I say
will give Sabelo’s babies back, kodwa I’m sorry.
With that she walks back to the room where her husband is. I
turn to Sabelo and just walk to his arms with tears flowing. I cry
a river and he holds me in silence. Doesn’t he always just hold
me in silence, am I not always crying?
I breathe again and Msikeleli is busy getting the car seats
strapped in his car
Him: Nzuzo wake them up. We need to get going
Sbo: please stay for breakfast
Sabelo: we can’t. If I make my wife stay here a second longer I’d
be subjecting her to further witchcraft. Siphosethu asambe
Lwandle and Nzuzo walk out with us. Lwandle is holding my
hand
Her: you’re strong. I love you. Go home, I’ll see you in Durban.
Me: I feel like Msikeleli will need help with his babies. Sqalo is
grown enough, he’ll ask questions (I feel a sadness take over and
my eyes get wet from tears all over again)
Her: can you stop worrying about others and worry about
yourself. Just this once. It’s ohk to be hurting. You need to
grieve and just support your husband, he’s just learnt some
devastating news.
Me: I know. I’m trying to think of how I’ll help him.
Her: just be there. He doesn’t need words.
Nzuzo: Siphosethu. Uyisipho sethu ngempela. Thank you for
keeping my brother alive. Thank you for your strong love.
Me: ai ey, I’m not God.
Him: still, if it weren’t for you he would probably be no more.
Your strength and resilience keeps him sane. Thank you for
being his cornerstone.

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Me: God is.
Msikeleli comes to us and he hugs me
Him: I’m sorry maKhumalo. My wife has brought you nothing
but heartache.
Me: don’t you worry about it. It’s not your fault. I’m alive. Where
are the kids? We can take them for you
Him: no. stop taking care of everybody, take time to yourself.
It’s ohk to be selfish with your time.
Me: you need to bring them home sometimes. You completely
alienated me from them
Him: I’m sorry, I’ll bring them when the dust has settled
Me: won’t you need some help with them?
Him: I’m fine. They also have a stay in nanny
Me: if you…
Him: …need anything I’ll come to Forestwood (he smiles and
holds my hand). I’m leaving now I’ll meet y’all in Durban
Me: you good to drive?
He laughs “I wouldn’t do anything stupid with my kids. That’s
precious cargo” he hugs me and Lwandle. We all get in our cars
and leave in a convoy.

The drive is silent. Not even the radio

Me: Sabelo
Him: Siphosethu
Me: you haven’t said a word. Tell me what you’re thinking
Him: nothing. I’m not thinking anything
Me: baby how is your heart?
Him: can I drive in silence. Can I just drive in silence? I don’t
feel like talking about anything. Please just, just be quiet
I look at him in complete shock but decide to maintain my peace.
He’s snappy what do I expect? He just found out that loosing his
kids was no coincindence it was intentional and now here I am
trying to find out how he’s feeling when I can’t give him babies.
He drives in silence. I take my handbag and put on my
earphones on my phone and listen to music and put the hat over
my eyes because the light is too much. I know he feels bad, even
worse now that he has snapped at me. About an hour through
the drive he pats my thigh. I move my hat and look at his hand
on my thigh then at him. He says something but I can’t hear

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him. He signals about my earphones then it dawns, I quickly
remove them
Him: it’s your earphones
Me: huh?
Him: you couldn’t hear me cause of your earphones.
Me: …
Him: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk to you like that. I just had
soo much on my mind I’m sorry.
Me: it’s ohk.
Him: no it’s not. I never should have talked to you that way.
Ngyaxolisa.
Me: it’s really ohk. You found out some shocking things today. It
was stupid of me to even ask. I should have known how you
must be feeling
Him: no. I’m here and alive because of you. That should count
for something. You’ve been my stronghold the whole time.
Me: stop making me out to be God. Jesus is, not me.
Him: you’re everything.
Me: can we pass at the gas station? I’m starving
This breaks the ice. He laughs soo bad.
Him: uyakuthanda ukudla
Me: sometimes I think that’s why you asked me to marry you
We laugh
Him: now that we’re laughing, can you be here with me? Can
you stop ignoring me and actually talk to me and be present
with me?
Me: but baby you asked for silence
Him: I can never get enough of your voice you know this.
Me: what about food? Why are you ignoring my complaining
tummy?
Him: we’re about 15 minutes away from PMB we can go to
liberty
Me: ooh yes. Let’s go to Howick ngyobona uAunty
Him: babe I won’t be the greatest company
Me: I know love. We won’t stay. I promise.
Him: I’ll hold you to that.
We drive and yes we go eMpophomeni.
The moment the car enters our home street I feel a wave of
comfort. My eyes even light up. I have such joy in my heart. My

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cousins see the car approaching and they open the gate. I get
out the car and hug them. Sisanda and Mahle. They’ve grown.
Me: san’bona zimbuzi zakithi
Sisanda: aibo uban imbuzi? Aibow
We laugh
Me: ninjan?
We walk inside and Sabelo stays in the car. I guess he’s still
collecting his thoughts.
Aunty: aibow, sahlaselwa early kangaka kwenzenjani?
Me: aibo kahle, besizonibheka
Her: unciphile kodwa. Are you recovering kodwa?
Sabelo comes in while were speaking
Him: san’bona endlini
Aunt: saw’bona mfana wam, unjan?
Him: ai syaphila akufani
Her: wamuhle kangaka, iyakunakekela ingane yam
He laughs
Him: she makes sure I’m ohk. She does it well
Me: ai maan kuyabanda la ngeke
Her: this is Howick, what do you expect?
We all laugh.
Mahle and sisanda walk in with trays. Sisanda serves me and
Mahle goes on her knees serving Sabelo. He smiles to the ends of
his face
Me: khohlwa, you’re getting none of that from me
He laughs
Him: but I didn’t say anything.
They have made us coffee and chutney with sausages and toast
Me: aibo we’ve been here a second and y’all have cooked?
Mahle: we had made this for breakfast. We were also about to
have breakfast
Sisanda: let us say grace so we eat
Me: you say it and be quick cause I’m hungry
Aunty: ai wena don’t bully the kids
Sisanda says grace and Mahle gets auntys food and we eat while
talking. The heater is on and it feels like old times.
Me: we’re coming from Ladysmith
Aunty: If y’all are here now kanti what time did y’all leave? Y’all
left like someone chased you off
Sabelo gets a little uneasy

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Me: we left early because we have to be somewhere in Durban
and we thought we should pass and say hi.
Her: ooh kanti niyadlula?
Me: yeah. We have to go home to prepare then leave
Her: oh ohk. We’re just greatful you passed. Syabonga
mkhwenyana
Him: akho nkinga mah
Me: hows everything? How are they doing at school? Sisanda?
Her: everything is well sisi. I’m having trouble with maths
kodwa I passed everything pretty well
Me: what’s maths doing to you? What have you done about it?
Her: I study everyday kodwa nothing seems to be working out.
Ngphasa ngo50/55
She has always spoken of wanting to be a Dr. she’s doing maths
and Physics because she loves medicine.
Me: you can’t be a Dr with that. What do you wanna do about it?
Her: I’m thinking of extra lessons
Me: where?
Her: there’s an afterschool program happening at Geomatrix
right next to our school. The problem will be transport at 5
Me: can’t Malume pick you up?
Her: I pay double the fares for that load. Meaning R18 if he has
to pick me up the gate at Geomatrix.
Me: ohk. Register at Geomatrix and call Malume to pick you up
everyday at 5. Also enroll for winter school. I’ll handle those
costs. Grade 11 is an important year.
Her: yaaaas! ngyabonga sisi (she hugs me)
Me: you’re welcome. Mahle wena? School?
Her: I passed pretty well.
Me: hows maths? Are y’all even helping each other?
Her: I changed to literacy. Sisi I wasn’t managing (she looks
away)
Me: why didn’t you say?
Her: I was scared you might be mad ninoSisi
Me: what efforts did you try to manage maths?
Her: I studied kodwa bekungalungi. So I changed.
Me: I don’t know how I feel about that but ohk. How are your
results looking?
Her: im in the 70s.
Me: ohk. Are you happy with that?

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Her: I’m happy but I’m also working at doing better
Me: ohk. You don’t need anything?
Her: not for school no everything is covered.
Me: but?
Her: I need some clothes. We both do actually. Our wardrobe is
dry dry dry
Me: how much of clothes do y’all need?
Her: enough to get by
Me: give me quantity, I work with numbers
Her: not much, some jeans and maybe 2 pairs of takkies. It’s not
much it’s just expensive
Me: how much are the takkies?
Her: about a thousand
Me: ohk. I’ll have to send y’all money to y’alls accounts cause I
can’t go with y’all. We’d go now kodwa we’re in a rush. I’m just
glad y’all are doing well at school.
Aunt: why haven’t you asked me what I need?
Me: you’re not in school. I would have
Her: I need a bed, this one hurts me manje
Me: a bed? Really
Her: yes really. This one is old ngeke
Me: ohk. I’ll have it delivered to you. Do you need a headboard
too?
Her: yes. Same one I showed you last you came
She showed me a bedroom suite last I was here. She’s been
wanting it and I was gonna get it for her but then I had too much
hospital happening so I couldn’t get it for her.
Me: ohk. Mahle send me a pic of it.
Her: ngyabonga ntombi.
I remember the other reason I wanted to come here was because
I wanted to tell her about Sabelos idea to have the white
wedding now and so I should just tell her now cause I don’t know
when we might be back again.

Me: Sabelo and I have decided to have our white wedding in the
next 2/3 months.
Aunt: you don’t sound excited, or even sure
Me: I am. I’m just not looking forward to the planning. We’ll
confirm dates and get back to y’all. It’s gonna be small
Her: ohk. Sounds good. Syabonga bakithi

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Me: I’m really excited about it strue
Her: have you decided on anything?
Me: meeting the wedding planner this week
Her: ohk. Maybe now you’ll gain some weight. Perhaps you
should come home. Stay with us a little so we can take care of
you. Your weight is not picking up
Sabelo eyes widen. They move from the TV to me
Me: I’m fine at home. My husband and mamaSophia take care of
me
Her: ai ngeke, this is not your body size. You’ve lost a lot maan
Zesizwe
Here we go. She has no filter vele. Fortunately we understand
her. Even Sabelo.
Me: ai I love my home.
Her: but you’re not picking up
Me: I just came back home. I’m still gonna. Please stop.
Her: Sabelo, are you taking care of my child kodwa?
Him: I try mamah.
Her: can I borrow her for a while. Just a week or 2
Him: I’ll never survive a week without her. She’ll pick up when
she’s totally recovered
Her: you can come see her everyday if you’d like
Me: aunty he has to work you know. He can’t drive to PMB daily
Her: see, how will he take care of you from work?
Me: I’ll come on a weekend maybe, I can’t leave my house a
whole week. I’m a married woman phela manje
Her: married or not, you’ll always be my sisters daughter. My
daughter.
Me: I know, just like I’ll always be his wife.
We laugh.
Her: hhau I was meaning to tell you. That Lwandile chap was
here sometime this week
Sabelo turns to look at her
Me: which Lwandile?
Her: that silly boy who had you come home at 01h00AM when
y’all separated all those years ago
Me: Lwandile Mkhize? Ubezofunani la?
Her: uthi ngyazi yini. He said he had come to say hi and wanted
your number
Me: yaaah?

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Her: I didn’t give it to him. I told him you’re a married woman
and he shouldn’t try to disrupt your life
Me: but where does he get off coming here after all these years?
How did he even know you live here?
Her: he came with that fair friend of yours. You came with her
before
Me: Khanya?
Her: yes that one. Yena impela.
Me: well I’m glad you didn’t entertain him. Angazosijwayela kabi
Her: angimufuni kabi loyamfana. Wawphula kabi umoya wamm
Me: I don’t care about him. I just don’t want him bothering my
family. He messed his chance up.
Sabelo: next time he comes here, should he ever come here
again, please call me. I don’t know how I feel about him setting
foot here after soo many years. Perhaps I need to have a word
with him.
Me: please.
Aunt: I will mfan’wamm. I’ll call you first.
We catch up a little further, then about an hour later it’s time to
go.
Me: sekmele sbaleke. I’ll call when we get home.
Aunt: thanks for stopping by sisi. Mkhwenyana syabonga ngoba
usavuma azosbheka
Him: I’d never come between her and her biological family.
Aunty hugs him and he walks out.
Aunt: he’s such a nice boy. Are you sure y’all are ohk?
Me: he is nice. We’re fine he’s just having some trouble with his
people
Aunt: yini kangaka?
Me: I can’t discuss iyndaba zomuzi wamm
She laughs as we walk out. That’s the one mistake I never make.
Discussing him or our problems. I can never.
Her: why is he sitting on the passangers side? you can’t drive
yet, you’re still recovering
Me: he will never let me open my own door. He’s waiting for me
to come so he gets my door before going to the drivers
Her: he still opens your door? (she’s shocked)
Me: he never stopped. Nami I thought it would cease kodwa
lutho. Ngisho sixabene mntakwethu

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Her: no wonder he’ll never agree to have you here a whole week.
He loves you too much he’d die
Me: kanti yazi uthanda ukungbuka nje. Ahambe abuye every 5
minutes noma afone ka50. Ilapho nje indaba ukuthi mefika he
loves the idea of knowing I’m on the other side of the door.
Her: mungekho?
Me: akaphili. Uvele ahlanye mangabe efika ekhaya ngingekho
ngingashongo ngoba kahle kahle inkinga ukuthi when he parks
his car his heart is jumping for joy ukuthi he’ll see me when he
opens, even if I’m sleeping. It’s the disappintment of not finding
me there that has him loose his mind
Her: he’s capable of murder
Me: even if he is, he wouldn’t murder me. Burbye aunt.
I hug her and the girls then walk to the car. As expected, Sabelo
gets out the car and I get in. he closes the door and gets in on his
side and we leave.
As we join in on the highway
Me: I kept my promise
Him: you did. We didn’t stay too long. Thank you.
Me: thank you for taking me babe
Him: I meant it. I’d never get in the way of you and family.
Kodwake you can’t be staying there a whole week. Ngeke.
Me: vele I wasn’t gonna go.
Him: she thinks I’m not taking care of you (this worries him)
Me: she knows you are. Don’t you worry about that.
Him: when last did you talk to Lwandile?
This takes me by surprise. I wasn’t ready for that
Me: when we separated. That day I sent him a message and told
him I liberate him
Him: I don’t understand why he’d just come now. Soo many
years later. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Me: mine too. He needs to know his place, he can’t just be
coming up to my family nje unannounced. It’s disrespectful
Him: can he just not test me. Can he just not cause he won’t
manage
Me: ngeke alunge.
I put on uKhozi FM and it’s on low volume cause the silence was
a little uncomfortable this time.
Him: don’t forget the money you promised the kids.

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Me: ooh, I forgot. I don’t even know how much to estimate for
the things they need.
Him: about R10 000
Me: hah baby they’re kids. What will they do with that kind of
money?
Him: ai baby ukuba ungoqo. Your handbags and shoes cost more
than that kukodwa. Give the kids R10K each. It’s a gift from me.
They’re in grade 11. They have needs and outings with friends.
Me: ai you always spoil them too much kodwa sthandwa sam
Him: they don’t have to live like us. We lived on what we were
given even when it was not enough. We have more than enough
and as you always say Pressed down, Shaken together and
running over. So let the kids flourish. Let them have more than
enough and be greatful for it. They will cultivate a thankful
heart instead of always wanting more and more leading to them
dating blessers. Futhi give them R15k each. From me.
I don’t dare say no more. I make the R15K transfer on each of
their accounts and literally count down to when they will call.
And in 5, 4, 3, 2 my phone rings. uMahle
I put them on speaker
Me: yah gogo
Her: sisi I think you made a mistake and pressed an extra zero
Me: where?
Her: the money you sent us. I’m calling to ask for your account
to where I can reverse it
Me: it wasn’t a mistake babe. Sabelo asked me to give y’all that
much. It’s a gift from him
Her: sisi it’s R15k (she still thinks I’m mistaken)
Me: yes. It wasn’t a mistake
They both scream soo loud and at that moment I don’t regret it.
At that moment I’m glad I sent it.
Me: ohk love keep behaving and studying hard. Call me if you
need anything
Sisanda: usbongele bandla kuBhut’Sabelo. Awemah syabonga
Me: I will. Listen, I have to go. Go shopping, go to the movies and
eat and just have fun ohk. I love you
Them: we love you too.
They hang up. Still screaming
Him: that just made me soo happy. We live for such moments in
life. This just made my day

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Me: thanks babe.
Him: don’t mention it. Now, we have to find bedroom suite
kaAunt.
Me: ooh and then there was that.

Chapter fourteen

1 month later.

Auntys bedroom suite has been delivered. Sabelo chose it and it

was beautiful. Just like aunty from the 70s would have it. The
girls went shopping and got their takkies and jeans and all else
that they needed.

Lately I’ve been soo tired. I sleep like a baby. Literally. And I’m
always hungry. I wake up at 03:10AM because well, I’m hungry.
I tippie toe to the kitchen and make my way to the fridge. I make
myself a serious sandwich with a pattie and lettuce and all other
sandwich essentials with a glass of mango juice. I’ve been
having quite a few sessions of midnight snacking and I must
add, it’s life.
I head back to bed after snacking and Sabelo is still sleeping.
Thank God. The moment I get to bed he turns and holds me.
Him: you ohk?
Me: yes love I just went to the bathroom, sleep.
Him: ohk babe. (He kisses my forehead and pulls me closer and
he sleeps.)
There’s something irregular about his heartbeat kodwa ke I
wouldn’t know. I sleep.

The next day

Today we’re hosting our first lunch with friends because I’ll be
going back to the office soon and so I won’t have a chance after
this, and my husband kinda believes I’m strong enough now
even though he didn’t like the idea.. Mapule, Jane and Esihle are

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coming over. Bab’Sokhela went to get them while Lwandle is
helping mamaSophia in the kitchen. I only do little things cause
Sabelo still doesn’t want me doing things. He didn’t even want
me hosting this lunch but I had to keep my promise to the ladies
at the hospital. Bukhosi, Lunathi and Sqalo are upstairs with the
nannies. Swelihle unoSabelo. He is always carrying that poor
child. Too much love I guess. Nzuzo and Msikeleli are also
outside. They haven’t talked about what happened in Ladysmith
and I haven’t asked. I’m also scared because that week we came
back, Sabelo was drinking cognac like water, I’m not risking
going back there.
Me: ladies I need to go bathe ngeke I’m feeling hot. Sweaty even
Lwandle: ohk gogo and get out of the PJs
Me: they’re comfortable
Her: but rude when you have visitors
Me: fine, mom!
Her: hhau, when last have you been to VISION?
Me: It’s been a while. I’ve been dealing with soo much I’ve
neglected them. Kodwa I talk to them every other day. I’ll visit
their dorms soon
Her: please do. Kodwa you were at the hospital. They know
you’re recovering and they’d been praying for you shame
Me: they’re my babies. I’m gonna go bathe. Tell my husband I’m
upstairs if he comes looking for me
Voice: looking for you where? Where are you going?
Me: upstairs babe, I need to bathe. I’m feeling hot and sweaty
Sabelo: ohk cool. Come let’s go, I’ve missed you.
Me: incase the ladies come before I do, please show them some
hospitality.
Lwandle: we always do. Go away.
Sabelo and I leave and go upstairs. While I shower he’s just
sitting there.
Me: pass me your shower gel
Him: ai why can’t you use yours?
Me: it’s smelling a little too sweet for me today
Him: periods on the way. Yeses! Now my gel has to suffer.
Me: please don’t be a thorn in my flesh. I’m the one who always
buys it vele.
He gives it to me and I bathe.
Him: what’s this lunch about?

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Me: just seeing the ladies from the hospital
Him: that’s all?
Me: should there be something else?
Him: I don’t know.
Me: I wanna prove something. I need to prove something.
Him: what’s that?
Me: nothing
Him: oh now we have secrets?
Me: Mapule thinks Msikeleli might have a thing for Jane. Says
the way he looks at her is weird and so I wanna see if it’s true
He chuckles.
Him: really?
Me: yup
Him: when will you ever stop playing match making?
Me: I’m not. I just wanna observe because I couldn’t comment on
it while I was in hospital. I was too bothered by my health.
Him: and what if it’s true?
Me: is it?
Him: I asked you
Me: if it is than it’s their business.
Him: you know you could have just asked me. Then they’d have
not been a need to host a lunch cause I’d have just told you
Me: well you can still tell me
Him: there’s no need. You can observe (he smirks)
Me: babe don’t be like that
Him: Msikeleli does have a thing for her. It’s been there since
the day he first saw her. He’s been trying to control it kodwa it’s
just been spiraling out of control and he’s also been stalking her
as I once stalked you
Me: you bloody lie (my eyes wide out)
Him: next time, just ask me.
Me: tell me more babe
Him: no. Why didn’t you ask me about it?
Me: I wanted to have some secrets. I wanted to know something
that you don’t, like some girlish secrets like normal people do
Him: baby what’s not normal about us? (He sounds concerned)
Me: Sabelo you know everything I know. I can’t keep anything
away from you. I can’t keep a secret even when I actively try, I
end up telling you. I tell you what I eat, when I eat it, who I’m
with, how much I spend, who I saw, how I slept, what I dreamt of

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in my sleep. Everything (I realize now that this frustrates me). I
wanna have some secret. This was literally the only thing you
didn’t know, which you’ve just turned out to know.
He looks at me and has a smile on his face
Him: baby, come here (he pats his thigh signaling me to sit, with
a little smirk on his face. I wrap with a towel and go sit on his
lap) there’s nothing wrong with us the way we are. You don’t
have to have any secrets Thembalami. We’re fine this way.
We’re fine.
Me: I think it just makes me soo predictable. And anything
predictable gets boring
Him: after all these years and all we’ve been through, you still
think you’re ever gonna bore me?
Me: naaaaaaaaaaaah
We laugh
Him: it’s ohk for us to not have secrets and to discuss everthing.
We don’t need secrets to be “normal”. Being without secrets is
our normal. Don’t spoil it by keeping even little things from me
in the name of secrets. Secrets destroy marriages. So what if
you don’t have any from me? That’s perfectly fine. It works for
us.
Me: ohk babe. (I look away in shame, he kisses me)
Him: get dressed.
He gets me off his lap and gets up, passes me my pink dress. It
hugs me on all the right places and is a 3quarter sleeves. I put
on my stud earrings and fluffy white slippers
Him: baby you can wear sandals you know
Me: ai my feet hurt
Him: your feet still hurt? Dr case maybe?
Me: no love. No Dr they just have moments of hurting nje
especially when I’ve been to the gym.
Him: then stop overdoing it at the gym
Me: yes daad! (I roll my eyes and he chuckles)
We go downstairs and find everybody already there. The house
is buzzing yet it’s not even that much of people in here.
Me: hello ladies
Mapule: ooh babe hey. You look soo pretty.
Me: stop it. Ninjan?
Jane: syaphila sisi unjan wena? You look well.
Me: I am babe ngyabonga.

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I hug them
Jane: I can’t get over how beautiful your home is. Absolutely
beautiful.
Me: awu ngyabonga. Imisebenzi kaSabelo.
Esihle: you have a nice family too. Bayaphila abantu bakwakho.
You can never tell that y’all have all this money
Me: nonsense. These fuckers are too farmish to be proud. Have
y’all had anything to drink?
Jane: we just got here sisi.
Me: what can I get y’all?
Esihle: I’ll have wine gogo
Mapule: we will have juice.
I serve them.
Me: y’all brought the flowers? They’re beautiful thank you
Jane: we didn’t know what to get you sisi. We always knew you
had it all so we kept it simple. We would have gotten you
chocolates too but Jobe said you need to keep healthy
Me: the flowers are enough. They’re beautiful sisi ngyabonga.
I get a vase so I can put them in and when I get up, Msikeleli
walks in no Jobe
Him: san’bona. (he looks at me) Sguli samm (he chuckles)
Sabelo: she’s no longer isguli. Speak life
They do the hand shake things and Jobe brings in more flowers
and wine
Me: thanks Dr
Him: I’m Dr at the hospital, Mhawu at home
Me: well thank you, Mhawu.
I turn to get another vase then only do I notice the way Msikeleli
is starring at Jane. Aibow he can’t even help it Jehovah. I’ve
confirmed it. I look straight at Sabelo and he looks at me and
follows the direction of my eyes then rushes to Msikeleli to bring
him back to earth.
Me: please make y’alls way to the table, lunch is almost ready.
They do just that. They leave my space next to Sabelo and he
sits on the head of the table. He’s the king of this jungle afterall.
mamaSophia, Lwandle and I serve. As I sit down, mamaSophia
takes Swelihle from Sabelo and takes him upstairs to where the
nannies and the kids are.
We sit and eat
Dr: the food is soo good. It’s delicious

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Esihle: it really is
Me: I’ll pass the message to mamaSophia. Or maybe you should
when she comes downstairs
Mapule: we sure will.
Esihle: can I get more wine?
Mapule: sure you haven’t had enough love?
Esihle: I’ve only had 2 glasses babe
Sabelo: I’ll get you some (he leaves the table and comes back
with the whole bottle) here you go
Esihle: thank you.
Dr: so how have you been? We’ve missed you guys at the
hospital
Sabelo: ai y’all can’t attach to y’alls patients. Y’all need to let
them go home aibow
I’m eating, I’m not even paying much attention
Mapule: we were just talking about how much we’ve missed
y’alls consistency
Esihle: y’all never missed a day. For months on end. What kind
of love is that? And where can we find it?
Dr: right here
Esihle: weeh wena uzithanda kanje iyntombi
We all laugh
Dr: I don’t. They just love me
Mapule: and you just entertain them wena Dr
Dr: please, call me Mhawu guys
Mapule: Mhawu
Him: I don’t entertain them.
Esihle: ai
Me: all your colleaugues are throwing you under the bus. How
do you win this?
Sabelo: he doesn’t. If it were men he’d stand the chance, manje
it’s women soo he looses by default (everybody laughs)
Lwandle: battle lost
We laugh.
Me: Nzuzo are you ohk?
Him: very much soo. I’m enjoying all this laughter. And food
We laugh
Sabelo: wena noSiphosethu are a mess. You and food are just
inseparable
Nzuzo: that’s why we are this thicke isn’t it Sethu?

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Me: it is, aaand we’re always happy cause our tummies are
always taken care of.
Mhawu: Siphosethu loves food? (he looks shocked)
Sabelo: haaah! She’d kill you dead over a plate
Jane: noo way(her eyes are off their sockets in shock). She gave
us trouble at the hospital
Sabelo: she loves good food. Let’s get that right.
We all laugh
Me: guys I’m right here
Mapule: eating like Nzuzo
They burst and I can’t help but notice Msikeleli loosing his
breathe over Jane. Aibow I didn’t realize it was this serious. I
decide to stay out of it.
Sabelo: I manage to exhaust some arguments ngokudla
Nzuzo: how? (he’s interested you can just tell)
Sabelo: in the middle of an argument I ask her what she’d like to
eat. The minute she hears “eat”, she stops shouting and thinks
of what she wants to eat. Subject closed
Everybody laughs. We eat and talk about 45 minutes to an hour
more. I like this atmosphere, it’s homey. It’s nice.
Me: I’ll go check on the kids
Nzuzo: mamaSophia was here a second ago, she would have told
us if something was wrong. Sit. The kids are fine.
I look at Sabelo and he signals I sit
Him: stop worrying about everything
Me: can I have some wine?
He looks at me a second then pours me a glass. Isichibi
Me: what’s this?
Him: just testing if you really want it.
I sip on some and immediately my tummy turns. Ooh shit. I get
up and run to the bathroom and everything comes back. Sabelo
is behind me in an instant. Nzuzo rushes in with water
Lwandle: please Lord not again (there’s worry in her voice)
Sabelo: baby what did you eat?
Me: everthing y’all did. I’m fine. It’s this wine, it smells and
tastes horrible
I rinse my mouth and drink some water. I flush and we leave the
bathroom
Mapule: is everything ohk?
Me: all is well. It’s just this wine.

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Sabelo takes it off the table
Me: Esihle is drinking that
Him: not if it’s making you sick (he’s not even gonna negotiate
this one I see)
Me: ai Sabelo
Him: I’m not gonna be at the hospital again because of wine.
Please.
Sabelo doesn’t ever compromise when it comes to my health. He
doesn’t even care if it offends anyone. Like right now he has said
his piece and is not even bothered by it as long as I’m ok and
comfortable, nothing else matters. I know he still blames himself
for everything that’s happened to us and so now he’s trying to
make up for it all at whatever cost. I take the wine and place it
by Esihle.
Me: enjoy your wine wena booboo.
I get some cold fruits variety.
Sabelo: you’re gonna throw everything up and eat fruits
Me: I feel like fruits mntakwethu.
Mhawu: let her have cold fruits. It’s the better option
considering she just threw up.
Sabelo: uyabonake
Me: guys, I forgot to tell y’all, we have a wedding in 2/3 months
(this is me changing the subject)
Lwandle: who’s wedding?
Me: Ours. My husband thinks it’s time we have our white
wedding so be warned
Esihle: so you don’t have the date yet?
Me: after our holiday to the Maldives or Thailand or Bali then
yeah. 1 week away just us girls
Nzuzo: and how will Sabelo live a whole week without you?
Sabelo: bafo ngyabonga. Please ask her. I’ve been asking her
Me: he’ll be strong. Lwandle is coming too
Nzuzo: my Lwandle?
Me: I only know 1 Lwandle
Nzuzo: and I wasn’t told?
Me: I just did. Even she didn’t know. She literally just found out
with you. You boys can do anything with yourselves while we’re
gone. You’re keeping the kids. It’s a gift to me before my
wedding
Nzuzo: seems like there’s no winning this

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Sabelo: you know with Lwandle and Sethu in one team, we’ve
sure lost.
Me: I’m glad you know.
Esihle: so who’s going for this trip?
Me: all of us. Whoever is willing.
Mapule: that’s a bit of a short notice kodwa. How do we save for
Maldives in 2/3 months?
Me: Sabelo will secure us a jet. Nobody has to save anything.
Sabelo turns and looks at me
Me: yes babe you will. Or speak to your friend to lend us a plane.
I should talk to Nella maybe she would be interested in coming
to.
Sabelo: Sethu
Me: you can’t say no
Him: done!
Me: thanks love. (I kiss his cheek) we’re all going. (the girls die
of excitement)
Sabelo: if any harm comes to my wife, I will torture all of y’all.
No drugs, no spiked drinks, no jealousy
Esihle: why would we do such? (this offends her. I can tell)
Sabelo: she landed in ICU for that long a time because of what
I’ve just mentioned.
Mapule: you lie. (she’s shook)
Sabelo: I’m as serious as a heart attack. Simple jealousy over
how she was loved and always got what she wanted. So they
decided to try and kill her.
Esihle: woooow! Y’all didn’t say
Sabelo: so this is why I’m mindful of everything she does and
even her company. I still feel a little uneasy, she’s too trusting
and misses such things, that’s what worries me most.
Jane: understandably so. I would too. I’d probably even count
the hair on her head.
Nzuzo: who said he doesn’t? (he pulls a straight face)
The table is dead silent. Everybody must still be shocked by
Nzuzos question.
Me: he’s being ridiculous (I laugh and they all do too) you guys
should have seen the looks on y’alls faces.
I’m laughing and Sabelo looks at me in such admiration.
Mapule: I’m shook because I wouldn’t be surprised if he really
did

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Me: ai suka.
Msikeleli: Jane
Jane: huh?(she raises her head and looks at him)
Him: can I take you outside for a little walk. We’ll come back in
time for dessert
Her: Ask Siphosethu, I came to visit her
Me: nonsense. Go for a walk babe, no need to ask me.
She stands up just after Msikeleli. The house is silent. He leads
her and opens the door for her. She gets out and he follows. The
moment the door closes the girls chuckle
Mapule: what did I say? Now do y’all believe me?
Me: I do.
Lwandle: what?
Esihle: she’s been saying for months now, that Msikeleli has a
thing for Jane. Since Sethu was in hospital
Sabelo: awuu please bantu
Nzuzo: thatha Msikeleli. She’s good people
Me: she really is. Graceful and humble.
Lwandle: she really did take care of you Sethu. But Msikeleli has
3 kids. Women don’t usually handle that
Me: it’s too early for that, even if it weren’t she doesn’t strike me
as the vindictive type
Mapule: she isn’t. She’d be fine with them
Esihle: where is their mother?
Lwandle: rather we not get into it.
Me: Let’s clear the table
Sabelo: No. You’re already throwing up. No.
I get up anyway. We clear the table and get out dessert. I only
have icecream and we’re busy talking till late. Mhawu leaves
with Esihle and Mapule. Msikeleli offered to take Jane home and
he did. By the time every body goes home. The nannies and the
kids are sleeping. mamaSophia has cleaned up the kitchen. So
Nzuzo and his family are staying over. Msikeleli will come for
the kids and the nanny tomorrow and Sabelo and I head
upstairs to bed.
Me: today was good. Ngyabonga
Him: anything to make you happy sthandwa samm. Today you
were laughing your loudest.
Me: I was really happy
Him: you were beautiful.

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Me: I need a cold shower, ngyashiselwa
Him: cold na baby? You know how much flue loves visiting you
Me: ai it’s too hot ngeke
Him: ohk. Let’s go.
Me: I’ll be fine
Him: I also need a shower.
We go and shower. Again, we do the most in the shower it ends
up in the bedroom till sleep wins. Tomorrow I go back to work, I
haven’t been to Properties since hospital. So Sabelo and I talked
that I go back, even if it’s 3 days a week.

I wake up and prep for work. I get up and run his bathe, then I
come back to wake him up.
Me: baby (I kiss him on his forehead)
He doesn’t move
Me: Mbatha you gotta wake up. You have work (he turns the
other direction)
I kiss his eyes, his nose, his lips and they curve into a smile
Me: vuka (I say inbetween kisses)
Him: can I just miss work, just today
Me: nope. You have a meeting with a client remember
Him: what time is it? Come back to bed
Me: it’s time for you to wake up. Come on, I’ve run your bathe
Him: will you bathe with me
Me: no. I need to pack your lunch then get ready for work
Him: I don’t get why you have to work yazi, I don’t get it
Me: if I don’t work your property office would collapse to the
ground
He laughs
Him: and it would. You give that place life. You’ve made a huge
impact in the short time you’ve joined
Me: I did say, I love money I don’t got time to play. Now wake up.
He kisses me and literally jumps off the bed, I follow to the closet
to get out his navy suit (my personal favourite) then I head
downstairs to pack him his lunch.
He comes down looking all shades of sexy
Me: you look good. Now go.
Him: always in a hurry to get rid of me
Me: nope, you’re just going to get our money my love
He laughs and kisses me.

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Him: bye sthandwa samm, I’ll call you when I get to the office
Me: ohk. Have a good day.
I walk him out to his car then hand him his lunch bag
Him: thanks maMbatha. I love you (he kisses my cheek) I’ll see
you later
Me: I love you too. Go away. Buckle up (he smiles cause I
remind him every single time he gets in the car that he should
buckle up)
He drives out in the C300.

I leave home, work. Sometimes I just wish I could stay home but
I have nothing to do with myself. Baby Vision is doing soo well I
don’t have to be there everyday so this is my next big plan.
As I enter the office I’m approached by my sec S’bahle who
already has my diary in order.
Her: boss lady
Me: hello mamie
Her: I got you your coffee
Me: I don’t feel like coffee, ill grab a rooibos on the way
Her: boss lady, I can make you one
Me: nah, I’ll grab one when I leave the office, I didn’t miss
breakfast today (we laugh, I’ve been telling her I miss breakfast
cause I wake up in the early hours of the morning to eat)
Me: whats my day looking like?
Her: you have a short day today, just an auction at Aucor. There
are 2 houses on auction in Bluff and 1 in amanzimtoti so it
might be great for us
Me: that’s my day?
Her: yeah.
Me: do we have pictures of these houses?
Her: I’ve already emailed them to you
Me: oh you’re a star. I’ll look at them and tell you which ones I
want then we can have Sipho go, I’m tired.
Her: are you sure you’re ohk?
Me: yeah, why you ask?
Her: you seem to be always tired lately
Me: and I eat a lot neh (I chuckle)
Her: bossLady with all due respect, you always eat a lot (we die
of laughter)
Me: leave me alone please. Whens my meeting noNyandeni?

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Her: Mr Nyandeni the estate property guy?
Me: yeah Sbash
Her: that’s tomorrow at 10:30. He’s coming here.
Me: ohk cool. Thanks Sbahle.
I check my emails and I like one house from bluff and I’m
definitely taking the one from amanzimtoti. It’s beautiful. I tell
Sbahle to tell Sipho to go to the auction and I just sit at the
office.
Around lunch I leave for AmaNdabezitha Construction, because
well, I just feel like having lunch with my husband. As I walk in,
the reception is silent
Me: san’bona
Receptionist: hello Mrs Mbatha how are you today?
Me: please Mbali, call me Sethu (I smile). I’m well thanks how
about yourself?
Her: I’m alright thanks. You’re looking for Mr Mbatha I’d
assume
Me: yes, is he in?
Her: he is, but kind of busy right now.
Me: it’s ohk. I’ll wait right here
Her: it could take a while, it always takes time with these
clients.
Me: it’s alright.
Why is she looking nervous?
I sit at the reception reading magazines. About 15 minutes later
she comes to me
Mbali: can I get you something to drink?
Me: ngyabonga sisi just bottled water please.
She gets it and gives it to me. As I take the water, Sabelo walks
out with who I believe is Nomsa. So he was in a meeting with his
ex. Ohk. At first he doesn’t see me, then he does a minute later.
He rushes to me as I stand
Him: Siphosethu
Me: Hi. I’ll see you at home
Him: Sethu
Me: it’s pretty clear you’re busy. I’ll see you at home
Him: you came to see me and now you’ll leave without seeing
me?
Me: no it’s fine. I’ll see you ekhaya. Ngyabonga Mbali. Nomsa.

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I walk out. And Musa gets my door. He gets in and gets ready to
start the car
Musa: where to ma’am?
Me: home Musa. I’m tired.
He starts the car and his phone rings. He can’t start driving
cause he’s still on the phone and he knows how I feel about
reckless driving.
He turns to me
Him: ma’am Mr Mbatha has just asked me to wait a second
Me: Musa did you tell him I said I was tired and would like to go
home?
Him: ma’am please.
Me: Musa who’s driver are you?
Him: yours.
Me: so why are you taking orders from my husband?
Before he answers that, Sabelo steps in the car
Him: because I asked him too.
Me:…
Him: Musa please take us wherever she wanted to go
Musa: Home
Him: that’s fine.
We drive home in silence.
The moment we get in, I get my door and head inside. I smell
chicken. mamaSophia is home
Her: hello baby. You look tired
Me: I am mah, I just wanna sleep
Her: it’s only 2. Would you like me to set up for you by the pool?
Just your juices and snacks while I get dinner ready?
Me: you made chicken?
Her: al’aKing.
Me: I’ll bathe and change to comfy clothes. If I don’t fall off, I’ll
be back.
Her: ohk.
I leave her there and go upstairs. Sabelo follows.
Him: Siphosethu
Me: yes love (I turn and look at him with a smile on my face
really)
Him: please don’t do that
I turn and look at him.
Me: do what?

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Him: it’s not what you think. We just had a meeting with regards
to work I swear
Me: I didn’t ask
Him: you didn’t ask cause you’re mad at me
Me: is that why you came home early? Cause you think im mad?
Him: I know you are
Me: well I’m not. Go back to work
Him: Siphosethu. Stop it. If you’re mad, say so
Me: you want me to say I’m mad I had to wait over 30 minutes
while you were in a meeting with your ex? Regarding work? Or
that I chose one of my favourite outfits for you to meet your ex?
Which part do you expect me to be mad about?
Him: Sethu
Me: I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m not mad
Him: it was work. Pure work. We held that meeting because
she’s been in business with us since the opening of the company
when we were still together. I can’t get rid of her just cause
we’re having personal fued
Me: interesting how you forgot to mention that all these years
Him: I didn’t wanna stress you out over nothing.
Me: ohk. I’m not stressed.

I leave him standing there and go take a shower. I wear my

shorts and a vest then head downstairs to sit by the pool with
my juice and snacks. I grab a pillow and sit there doing work till
I fall asleep right there. He comes to me and wakes me
Him: maMbatha vuka, the weather is changing
He speaks to me as if he’s scared to.
Me: ohk. Ngyeza.
He takes my glass and leads me in
Him: dinner is ready
Me: I don’t feel like chicken. Besengisaba ukusho kumah
Him: what do you feel like?
Me: I’ll make a smoothie
Him: ai, you can’t sleep on a shake
Me: well I don’t know. I’ll have toast maybe. I don’t know. Or
maybe pasta.
Him: let’s go
Me: I’m tired. I’ll ask Musa ngeke.

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He calls Musa to get me the meatball pasta and I sit at the
lounge and watch TV. While I’m trying to focus on TV he speaks
Him: maMbatha ngyaxolisa.
Me: about what?
Him: having Nomsa in the office
Me: why did you portray her like the enemy when you knew you
still see her? You have me take that suit out just so you wear it
for her
I’m actually saddened by this
Him: we’ve always been in business since the days we were
together but I never had to deal with her.
Me: then why are you dealing with her now?
Him: because Sandile is out of the country. Sandile or Msikeleli
have been dealing with her manje he’s also been in a state since
Xoli so I had to take over, like they took over everything when
you were’nt well
Me: but you know you could have told me
Him: baby I’m sorry. I just didn’t wanna stress you out over
nothing
Me: everyone who tried to kill me you made us stay away from,
yet you still see her, I don’t get it. Honestly.
Him: I couldn’t. I tried but the board outvoted me. So we opted
for I never have to deal with her.
Me: you said no secrets. Yet you’re keeping them from me
Him: I’m sorry. Never again, I cross my heart
I put out my pinky
Me: pinky swear?
Him: Pinky swear.
We cross fingers and he smiles at me.
Him: how was work?
I update him about my day, even that I honestly bunked
Him: baby you’re always sleeping lately
Me: I don’t have the answers, even I noticed that. I’m just aways
tired.
Him: are you sure you were ready to go back to work?
Me: yup. It’s about time. I must have lost touch, it’s because of
the team that everything was seamless today otherwise I’d have
been a mess.
Him: so you’ll keep working? Baby Vision and Property?

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Me: I’m thinking, since I’ve made quite the turn over in our
property, I’m thinking maybe I should let the team continue to
run it and I just go in for important stuff, they could brief me
and I could have Sipho take over. He’s good. I was still gonna
talk to you about it
He’s happy about this, he’s never really liked me working, even
his eyes and smile give it away
Him: baby that’s a great idea. You can take care of Vision. It’s
not much work kwayona cause you’ve delegated
responsibilities, so you won’t strain yourself much.
As we’re talking Musa brings my pasta. I eat and at about 9pm I
go to bed. The minute my head hits the pillow, I sleep.

Sabelo.
She’s still the prettiest when she sleeps. I hold her closer and we
sleep. I nearly get in shit for nothing. In my head I’m thinking
we’ve stared at death in the face for me to loose her trust over
such crap. Sandile better come back soon cause he insisted we
keep her in business with us. I don’t know when but I slept.
I wake up for the bathroom at around 3. Sethu is not in bed. My
heart sinks. I think she must have left me or got mad all over
again that she went and slept in the guest bedroom. I don’t even
bother going to the bathroom anymore I walk around looking for
her, then I realize the kitchen light is on. I slowly walk down the
steps and look over, she’s humming a tune and she’s eating.
From where I’m standing I see a sandwich, juice, peanutbutter,
jam and Pringles. She’s dipping Pringles in the peanut butter
and jam. She’s in her zone, she’s even dancing so I wont disturb
her. I watch her with a mini smile on my face really, and turn
back and go upstairs. Atleast she is in the house, just hungry. I
find it weird though cause she always spoke about how eating
this early or late in the night was a bad habbit and unhealthy.
I sit in bed waiting for her. She comes back and wiggles her way
into my arms, that makes me happy and we sleep.

This behaviour goes on for like the next 2 weeks.

The next day I’m up at 6. Sabelo is still sleeping. I’m just sitting
on the couch at the bottom of our bed reading my bible. I felt
such an urge to pray, as I’m reading I realize I’m hungry, I go

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downstairs to make toast and tea. I eat up. Sabelo finds me
downstairs eating at about 06H50. He looks like he was running
down
Him: ooh, you’re here
Me: you look relieved
Him: I am. I was wondering why you weren’t in bed
Me: I was hungry. Tjoo I was soo hungry. Ubuthi ngiyephi?
Him: angazi.
This worries me. I’ll address it now.
Me: baby come, let’s sit down.
He walks behind me and we go sit down eLounge and I look at
him.
Me: what’s wrong?
Him: nothing is wrong love. (he shys away)
Me: Mbatha, I need you to talk to me
Him: about what?
Me: you feel the need to shield me like a baby, you take care of
me and the people who surround me, you watch like hawks, you
don’t want me be out the house even for a holiday because a
week would be too long without me, I can’t even go to granmas
house, you panic everytime I’m not in bed or when you don’t
find me home after work when I didn’t tell you I’d be out. What
happens in your head that whole time?
Him: I thought I was just loving you.
Me: baby it is love I get that part but this is beyond. I need you to
trust me
Him: I do trust you. With my life Sthandwa samm
Me: then talk to me.
Him: Sethu (he sighs) it’s fear.
Me: what fear?
Him: I’m scared Sethu. I’m scared I might loose you
Me: loose me to what?
Him: loose you to people who will give you simple life. My life is
complicated and I’m scared you might just see a life as simple as
the one you once lived and want to go back
Me…
Him: I’m scared one day you’ll wake up and leave, that my
families deeds would drive you to leaving me cause I couldn’t
protect you

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Me: baby, you know that everything that happened wasn’t your
fault, none of this was your fault and I thought we were over
that. Why are you still dwelling on that?
Him: then why do I blame myself for everything that happened?
I can’t even sleep to well because I’m scared
Me: baby if I wanted to leave you I would have a long time ago. I
wouldn’t run or leave you in your sleep. I’d talk to you about it
then walk out ubuka. You shouldn’t fear when you come home
from work and I’m not here, I’ll always come back home to you
as you would to me. I’m here because I want to. I’m here because
I love you.
Him: but what if you leave me?
Me: I wouldn’t. You are my home. The thing is you love me too
much that’s why you don’t realize just how much I love you.
Perhaps even I fail at showing you
Him: no you don’t fail babe I know you love me
Me: perhaps it’s not enough. Sabelo you’ve been loving and
taking care of me soo well, I’ve been in hospital unconscious or
recovering and you’ve just been taking care of me. I’m soo sorry
babe. It dawns to me why you feel this way. All I need you to
know is that I love you Sabelo. I love you soo much. No amount
of troubles between us would have me run from you cause I’d
end up running right back into your arms, uyiSabelo sami.
He looks at me and his eyes soften. My eyes are teary.
Me: Sabelo I love you. (a tear drops) I appreciate you taking
care of me, staying next to that hospital bed when I was as good
as dead, opening my doors and just loving me. I appreciate
everything, I see everything. You have shut out your family
because of me, you easily write people off cause you love me, I
love you in the same depth it’s just that I never had to choose,
it’s just that you’ve never been to a hospital bed to have had me
sleep next to you till you gain consciousness but I love you.
Thinking back my only issue and fear was that you’d get a baby
elsewhere and that’s when I drew back a little, trying to protect
my heart
Him: protecting your heart from what?
Me: from hurt, so that should you one day come back and say
you’re having a baby it wouldn’t hurt me that much. I’ve been
preparing myself from the day we found out I could never
conceive.

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Him: why would you do such?
Me: what’s a man with soo much money and wealth without his
own children to pass down all that wealth to? I know you always
speak of your brothers children, but those children are not the
same as your very own.
Him: MaKhumalo that man is me. Sabelo. Your man. I’d love
kids but that doesn’t mean I crucify you just cause you can’t
conceive. Bhabha I love you.
Me: I know you do, I never doubt that. But what about the
offspring you soo greatly desire?
He looks at me with sadness and hurt all over his eyes. He also
knows im right.
Him: I guess we have both been broken haven’t we?
Me: I guess so. But rest assured, I’m not going anywhere as long
as you still want me here. It’s you I love and I don’t see my life
without you.
Him: I’m the one who loves you more, and from today onwards,
you rest assured knowing there will be no baby coming from
outside. It’s you I love and ever since I met you it’s like I’m
wearing blinkers, I don’t see any other woman. I don’t see
anyone. The fact that I never even touched Thobeka
eselayndlini should tell you that you’re the only one I see. Stop
protecting your heart from the very person who’s trying to
nurture it. I’ll never hurt you.
He holds me and I hold him right back.
Him: Don’t loose us in the cracks. Let’s not lose each other. If
there’s a problem we can deal with it if we talk about it. Don’t be
miserable sthandwa samm
Me: that applies for you too. Now kiss me!
He smiles and kisses me.
Him: you’re up early
Me: I did say I was hungry
Him: kwaze kwa early, you’re even up without me
Me: yeah well, have your breakfast.
We make him breakfast, and he eats while I have my second cup
of tea
Me: I need to call Yonella and ask to see her
Him: oh, you’re ready to talk to her.
Me: yeah. It’s time. Infact, I’ll call her now.

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I grab my phone to call her then I remember I don’t have her
number anymore
Me: babe, do you still have her number? I got rid of it
Him: it’s on my phone upstairs
Me: mind getting it?
Him: my phone doesn’t have a password Sethu
I smile. I run upstairs and get his phone to ger Nellas number.
As I’m looking through contacts a text message comes through
“goodmorning Sabbz, I tried calling you but no luck, you
must be busy as always. I’ve been thinking about what you
said about your wife not being able to bare children, perhaps
I can help you do something about that, I still owe you a baby
anyways. Sabelo I still miss you and surely can give you
children, please call me so we can talk about this. A man of
your stature should have atleast one child and if you wife
can’t, I can.
Love,
Nomsa”
My heart drops. We just spoke no Sabelo and now this. Now he’s
telling his ex about our problems, now they actually talk about
me. I won’t let this get to me, atleast not now. I take Nellas
number and I call her.
It rings a while and she picks up on her 5th ring.
Her: Nella hello (she sounds nervous)
Me: hello Sessi unjani?
Her; ngyaphila unjan wena?
Me: ngyaphila. You’re speaking with Siphosethu
Her: I hear you sisi. Are you ohk? You don’t sound ohk
Ooh wow, even she picks that up
Me: I’m fine sisi, I’m just calling to ask if it’s possible that we
meet up for coffee when you have time
Her: sure, anytime. I can see you today
Me: oh, perfect. I was scared to ask cause I thought it may be
short notice. ‘
Her: no such thing for us sisi. Where would you like us to meet?
Me: I feel like anything goes. How’s Kauia
Her: perfect, plus I love their smoothies
Me: dude, me too. Like I live for them
She laughs

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Her: you still love food
Me: some things never change. I’ll see you at 12. Let me tend to
my husband
Her: don’t be late, we both know you’re always late
Me: I’ve changed in that department. I’ll see you soon
Her: ohk cool. 12 it is.
I hang up.
Sabelo: woooow! Women!
This shocks me, I didn’t realize he had come upstairs
Me: what?
Him: that went down pretty well.
Me: I know right. I wasn’t ready for that.
Him: well I’m glad you’ve taken the leap of faith and actually
took a step.
me: what choice do I have

while standing there, I get annoyed by this message I read and I

think if I am gonna tolerate Sabelo this whole time, I’m gonna
blow up and die. I get my phone and call Nella to meet her at 10.
Fortunately she agrees. i get into the bathroom to shower
Him: you really did that?
Me: most def. I need to be back early incase I get tired and want
to nap. Ngeke. You gonna drop me off or should I call Musa?
Him: what would you like?
Me: weeell, I’d like.. I’d love for you to drop me off
He smiles. His smile tells me he was hoping I say that. Ooh my
poor husband.
Him: I was hoping you’d say that. Where are y’all meeting?
Me: kauia. I want their smoothies.
Him: Kauia na baby?
Me: yup. I want their mango berry smoothie. Yaaah that’s the
one I want.
Him: what if you throw up there? You guys should have met
laykhaya
Me: my house is not a halfway house please. I can’t be having
everybody coming here.
He chuckles. He likes it when I take some ownership. Honestly, I
like it too.
I’m ready to go and he takes me to drop me. Before I hop off,
Him: enjoy it baby and iron things out

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Me: I will. Call Nomsa too, she wasn’t done discussing my
inability to have babies with you. My womb issues are not tea
time discussions for you and your friends and Exes Sabelo.
Him: huh?
Me: I have to go. Check your inbox and next time, tell her to be
more careful when texting peoples husbands. She could have
waited till she saw you to tell you that, or till y’all started trying
for the baby I couldn’t give you.
I step out the car and leave him paging his phone. He was
looking for the message.

Sabelos thoughts.
Oooh Boy! And to think we’ve just had this discussion. How
could Nomsa do such kodwa. I dial her number. First ring,
Her: Sabs, I’ve been expecting your call (she sounds excited)
Me: it’s Sabelo to you, not Sabs, Sabelo. And 2, why were you
expecting my call?
Her: about the message I sent you earlier. Let’s meet up
Me: why would I do that?
Her: let me help you
Me: Nomsa who said I needed your help? Just because the
conversation got in context doesn’t mean we’re friends. I don’t
want no baby from you.
Her: but Sabelo, I,
Me: but nothing. I’m not your friend Nomsa, you must never call
my number again or make any use of it ever again.
Her: is your wife around? Is that why you’re talking to me like
this? Sabelo this is me
Me: she’s not here and that shouldn’t bother you. If you dare use
my number again, you will regret it Nomsa, you will regret it
and you know I mean it
Her; Sabelo we’re in business, I need to use it
Me: from today onwards, amaNdabezitha construction have
nothing to do with you. Moving forward, there’s no more
business
Her: Sabelo you cant do that
Me: I can. I have. And if you dare think of harming my wife from
your bitterness, I will rip your heart from your chest with my
bare hands. Stay away from me. How dare you make my wifes
problem your topic of discussion?

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Her: she saw it didn’t she?
Me: Nomsa you have been warned. I will destroy you. I’ll have
my lawyers contact you. amaNdabezitha is no longer in
partnership with briqworks so I don’t see why you’d need to use
my number ever again.
I hang up and think of how exactly I’ll get myself out off this one
noSethu. Cause if I was shooting blanks and read a text from her
ex asking to give her babies I’d have been livid. I’d have lost my
mind at just the thought. I’m still surprised she kept her cool all
the way here. How will I get out of this one?

Sethu
I walk in at Kuaia and Yonella is already sitting there looking
like she stole something. God, she’s soo nervous. I approach her
on a high just so I break the ice before I even sit down.
Me: heeeeey
She gets up to hug me and I reach for it.
Her: you look really good. You’re beautiful.
Me: you are too, I swear to God. Have you ordered?
Her: just this smoothie. I’m honestly a little too nervous to order
anything hard
Me: why would you be nervous? I’m not here to fight
Her: I don’t know, I just am.
Me: you shouldn’t be. We’ve done some growing up boh. Come
let’s get some food, I’m hungry
Her: as always (we chuckle)
I get myself a smoothie and a ceasar wrap and I sit down
Me: Sabelo tells me you gave me your kidney sisi
Her: I couldn’t let you suffer worse than you’d already suffered
Me: but still, you let me live
Her: whether I gave you mine or not, you were still gonna live.
Sabelo would not have let you die, he’d have made plans to get it
for you. Any plans possible.
Me: well I’m still thankful you didn’t have him make plans you
just gave me yours.
Her: I’m not proud of how things went down all those years ago.
I still regret it till date
Me: I know now more than ever that you do sisi. Perhaps I also
over reacted. I just got soo mad you thought he’d downgraded I
didn’t wanna associate with you

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Her: I understand sisi, I probably would have done the same.
That was harsh of me and worse, it wasn’t my business.
Me: you’re right, it wasn’t. but it was still your opinion and I was
harsh
Her: I understand mina, I also wouldn’t have spared you. I just
need you to forgive me. I’ve felt like shit the longest time and
I’ve missed you and your contagious laugh. Ngiyaxolisa
Siphosethu
Me; apology accepted. Ngyabonga for giving up your kidney to
save me. Ngyabonga kakhulu
Her: aah, don’t mention it. You’re welcome. Now tell me how
you’ve been? How was the wedding? I saw the pictures
We laugh
Me: ooh konje you didn’t come.
Her: well I wasn’t invited
We laugh again. Theres something comfortable about this
moment, something genuine and I realize that maybe, just
maybe I’ve missed her too
Me: it was beautiful. We danced and sang and did everything
inbetween. We’re having the white dress wedding in the next
few months, I haven’t even started planning
Her: ooh, why now?
Me: Sabelo thinks it’s time. I honestly didn’t care for this one
until he raised it, I was happy with just the traditional. He says
it’s some sort of vow renewal
Her: ncooooow after all these years, still soo much of love
Me; and challenges too. (sigh)
Her: what is it? You didn’t sound ohk earlier
Me: ai, it’s this Nomsa chick who wants to give my husband kids.
She’s shook
Her: what!? How would you know?
Me: I was looking for your number on his phone when a message
came through and she was telling him she was thinking of what
he told her. He actually told her I couldn’t conceive
Her: sisi, Nomsa is a chancer. Think about it, he wouldn’t just
call her and tell her. It probably came up when they were
talking and not that he was looking for a shoulder to cry on.
You need to also consider the context of the conversation. Don’t
let such things get between y’all. Y’all have survived worse,
Nomsa shouldn’t even be a factor. Sabelo loves you. Sandile

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always talks about how highly Sabelo speaks of you and how
watching you be hard on yourself for not being able to conceive
is killing him because he doesn’t care about that. Don’t you
worry, Nomsa won’t get a piece of him
Me: I hope you’re right
Her: I am. Celebrate your wedding and stop worrying about
chuauas.
We laugh.
Me: we’re going to the Maldives, I don’t know when yet Sabelo is
still trying to secure us a jet. I’d appreciate you come
Her: me?
Me: yes you. The girls will also be there. preWedding holiday
Her: the girls will be ohk with that?
Me: they don’t have a say. It’s my trip and besides they’ve
forgiven you since they knew you gave me your kidney so relax
Her: well in that case I’d love to.
Me: thanks you. I’ll send you all the details soon as I have them
Her: thanks Sethu. I promise I won’t spoil it this time. Never
again
Me: I know you wont. I know
We go on a few more hours till we end up watching a movie.
Acrimony. Immediately after, I call Musa to take me home and
we part at around 16h30. I had a good day.

Chapter fifteen

I get home and Msikeleli noNzuzo are there, Lwandle is in the

lounge with Bukhosi. I couldn’t careless about what’s happening
between me and my husband when I see my baby. This brought
a smile to my face
Me: san’bona ekhaya (I smile)

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Msike: maMbatha. Uphilile?
Me: ngyaphile bhuti ninjan nina?
Him: syaphila. It’s been a minute
Me: you’ve been hiding from us
Him: so today I don’t get a hug? (he opens his arms, I walk
straight into his arms)
Nzuzo: I’m just wondering the same thing, dare she gets us used
to hugs and not hug us when we now want it
Msike: yeey uyamkhumbula kodwa when she’d just walk in and
hug us then say sanbona (they crack in laughter)
Me: ya’ll were too serious and tense
Sabelo: sthandwa samm (he acknowledges me then kisses my
forehead softly) I’ve missed you (he holds my waist)
Me: I know you have. I know baba. (I turn to the others) have
ya’ll had anything?
Nzuzo: we got here a while ago, mamaS cooked for us
I walk over to take Bukhosi then hug Lwandle
Me: what did yall eat? Please don’t say chicken
Nzuzo: she cooked chicken yes
Me: I think I should ban chicken from my house. She cooks too
much of it, it’s like she sees nothing else
Nzuzo: you don’t like chicken anymore?
Me: yooh, sometimes it makes me sick to the core. I swear to
God.
He smiles and looks at me then turns to Sabelo
Me: what?
He turns to Lwandle and they’re smiling, Lwandles eyes wide
open in what looks like shock
Me: what? Msikeleli where are the kids?
Him: they’re at their granmas for the weekend.
Me: oh, I’m glad you didn’t get in the way of that
Him: I wouldn’t. maMbatha you’re glowing
Nzuzo: I saw that when she walked in. she’s beautiful.
Sabelo: I know right. She’s absolutely gorgeous
Me: heeeeey! I’m always gorgeous
Nzuzo: well today you are GORGEOUSER (we laugh)
Me: ooh guys y’all are too nice, thank you.
Sabelo: don’t thank us wena baby, you take care of your skin.
Lwandle: or she could be expecting a little Ndabezitha right
there

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We all turn to look at her and the guys are smiling, except
Sabelo. He looks around and then looks at me
Him: baby am I missing something?
Me: please don’t insult me. Please
Sabelo: could there be a possibility?
Me: no, there’s no possibility.
I give Bukhosi to Lwandle ready to disappear to my bedroom’
Nzuzo: Sethu you’re glowing, you’ve gained weight and you hate
the smell of chicken. What else could it be?
Me: PMS
Him: this has nothing to do with periods. I’m a Dr, I know
Lwandle: you have all the symptoms I had when I first got
pregnant
Me: but the Dr said..
Sabelo: it would take a miracle
Msikelel: and this could just be your miracle
Sabelo: can we double check? (he’s hopeful)
Me: double check what? No. it’s not possible
Him: baby please. We’ll never know if we don’t try
Me: Sabelo I said no.
Him: baby you know it’s possible, I’ve been seeing you past 2
weeks eating in the middle of the night. Pringles and peanut
butter baby
Them: whaat?!
Me: don’t judge me. (I raise a finger)
Nzuzo: we’re not, we’re just confirming you have a little one on
the way
A part of me is also hopeful. I’ve hated chicken, slept a lot,
swelly feet, weird cravings and just too much emotions. Sabelo
looks at me, hopeful. I can just tell he has his hopes and I’m
scared I might just disappoint him.
Him: baby please lets see a Dr
Nzuzo: I have pregnancy tests in the car, I’ll get them
Me: don’t. don’t get them, Sabelo you’ll be disappointed and I
don’t wanna see that look in your eyes
Nzuzo goes out and comes back. They’re all soo full of hope
Me: please no (tears are flowing in my eyes)
Msikeleli: maMbatha please. If it’s negative we’ll accept it and
just move on. Please Mbatheni
They’re pleading with me

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Lwandle: you’re strong.
I feel the heat. I grab the sticks from Nzuzo and go to the
bathroom. I sit there a while before I actually pee on both of
them. I place them on the stand and wait. A few minutes later
both have 1 line. It’s negative. I feel tears fill my eyes and they
flow in silence
Sabelo: maMbatha are you ohk in there?
Me…
Him: Sethu please come out, whatever the results we’re behind
you.
I take my phone out of my pocket and send him a photo of the
negative tests and caption “there’s no baby, please make them
go away”
I hear soft whispers and indeed they leave after about 5
minutes.
Sabelo: baby please open, it’s just me now
I unlock the door and he opens it before I do
Me: I’m sorry
He holds me before I carry on speaking and I just let my tears
flow. Right now I couldn’t be bothered by his conversation
noNomsa, I just wanna cry.
Me: I’m soo sorry Sabelo
Him: shhhh sthandwa samm, you don’t have to be sorry.
I cry even worse.
He carries me in his tree trunk arms and takes me upstairs.
Him: baby please, if you keep crying you’ll get sick
….
He holds me and I cry till I fall asleep.

Sabelo..

The next day I wake up and she’s still sleeping. She looks soo
peaceful and I’m scared she’ll wake up and get back to the pain
she felt when she fell asleep. Ever since we knew she can’t have
babies, everything changed for her. Who would have ever
known that babies could cause such a stumbling block in our
marriage. I say stumbling block because she felt less a woman
ever since we found out we can’t have a family of our own.
She wiggles her nose before she opens her eyes
Her: goodmorning

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Me: goodmorning sweetheart. You slept well?
Her; I did thanks wena?
Me: I hardly did. I was worried about you
Her: I’m sorry about that. You should have tried harder. (she
smiles)
Me: I didn’t want to. Vuka so we can go eat. Today is just you
and me, I gave mamaS a day off.
Her: ohk cool. I’ll go shower first.
She gets up and goes to shower. About 15 minutes later she
comes out wrapped in a towel and I see all those drops of water
on her skin making her look all shades of sexy. I walk to her and
she looks at me with her wondering eyes
Her: Mbatha don’t even think about it (she smiles and wiggles
her eyebrows.)
Me: Mbatheni how could I not when you’re looking like this
My hands reach for the lower part of the towel and while she’s
looking at that I quickly pull the top and the whole towel falls off
and she’s just here with her curves in her birthsuite.
Her: Sabelo n…
I kiss her and she kisses me back. Her body warms up fast and I
know she wants me as much as I want her. We’re on the floor
and well, we do it like lovers do. Passionate, steamy and just soo
heartfelt. But something about it worries me. Yesterday she was
a mess before bed and this morning she wakes up like she’s
wiped all those feelings off, like she’s avoiding having to deal
with them altogether. This is a problem for me. We finish up and
we go downstairs for breakfast. I’ve made her beef sausages and
eggs with croissants and pancakes and the things she likes.
Her: this looks good. But what will I eat first, let me see.
Me: you can literally have everything that’s here. I didn’t know
what you’d like so I kinda made all I could think of.
Her: oh dankie baba. Let me try the sausages first, they look
pretty good.
She grabs one, bites it and her face changes.
Me: what?
Her: it tastes funny, like it has soap
Me: aai Sethu, soap from where?
Her: I don’t know, it tastes funny. Here try it
I take a bite and it tastes like beef sausages always do
Me: baby I don’t taste soap

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Her: Sabelo you’re trying to say something is wrong with my
tastebuds
Me: baby I’m just saying I don’t taste no soapiness
Her: Sabelo you like being mean to me and just breaking my
heart. Now you’re trying to make me out to be crazy. Eat all this
alone
She’s seriously crying
Me: aibo Sethu
Her: please leave me alone. Eat your soapy food alone
She gets up and goes upstairs and when I get up after her
Her: don’t come here or I’ll just strangle you. Stay here and eat
all this stupid food you made.
She leaves and I’m just here like, what was that? I think that’s
just yesterday resurfacing through food. A few minutes go by
and my phone rings, it’s her. I’m scared to answer cause who
knows what could be next, but if I don’t answer she might burn
this house down or drown it in tears
Me: baby…
Her: Sthandwa samm,
I’m shook
Me: yebo kaKhumalo
Her: I’m sorry about that.
Me: is everything ohk?
Her: no. (she’s crying I can hear it)
Me: can I come to you baby. Please. (I’m already running to her
vele)
I open the door and she puts the phone down.
Her: I’m sorry
Me: don’t be baby, tell me what is happening
Her: I’m hungry Sabelo, I’m soo hungry (she’s sobbing and I’m
soo confused cause I know she’s not pregnant so I can’t explain
this)
Me: baby don’t cry let’s get you food
Her: jungle oats with 2 sugars and lots of milk. Please
Me; I’ll do just that. Stay put.
I rush downstairs and start making her oats. As it’s on the stove
I call Nzuzo
Him: Bafo
Me: ai Nzuzo, she’s crying for nothing, says beef sausages taste
soapy, throws tantrums and …

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Him: Sabelo breathe, I can’t hear you. Who says sausages taste
soapy?
Me: Sethu. I made her breakfast and she came here and said
sausages tasted soapy, I told her they don’t she cried and said
I’m calling her crazy and insulting her taste buds. She left me
and went upstairs then called me from there crying talking
about she’s hungry. Now I’m making her oats because that’s
what she feels like
He bursts in laughter.
Me: it’s not funny you know
Him: I don’t care what those tests said, she’s pregnant. Those
are pregnant woman symptoms. Very similar to Lwandle and
every other story I’ve heard at the hospital
Me: Nzuzo awkahle mfethu.
Him: serious Sabelo. There’s no way her body could send those
signals if she’s not pregnant khohlwa. Now I have to go, Lwandle
and I were in the middle of something while Bukhosi is sleeping.
Get that oats ready cause if you’re too late you might find her
nolonger craving for it.
He cuts the call and I’m here confused. It sure does sound like a
pregnancy though, but the tests said negative izolo. Both of
them.

I dish out her oats and take it upstais to her. When I get there
uselele. I wake her. She looks at me and sees the food and
smiles,
Her: thank you.
Me: you’re welcome.
She takes it and she eats. She’s actually enjoying it soo much.
I take her bowl before she speaks again
Her: thank you. That was really good
Me: I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Her: I did. Istrue (she crosses her fingers)
We laugh.
Me: usthanda kabi istrue
Her: kanti the bible says let your yes be a yes and your no as
such
Me: speaking of the bible, we haven’t been to church
Her: its been a while neh, but ke who goes to church laying on a
bed unconscious. (she sighs).

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Me: neh, we’ve been through some things
Her: a lot of things, we just keep going through kodwa we’re
strong cause naku sisaphila
Me: yeah (I take her hand into mine) hopefully this wedding will
be the beginning for us
Her: (she sighs) it has to be.
The wedding is coming up in just about 10 weeks.
Me: when are you meeting with your planner?? You don’t seem
excited
Her: I am. I’m just a little uneasy. I don’t know
Me: Sethu, I know we’ve been through a lot, but baby I love you.
Whatever you do, you can’t leave me
Her: I’m not going anywhere, I may be all things, but I’m not
unsure. Love can never be unsure and I know I love you.
Me: are you ready to plan a wedding??
Her: I am. Its gonna be very simple, very intimate.
Me: you don’t want it big??
Her: I want it as small as possible. Ill call Thandeka to help me
with some things. Hopefully I wont be as tired as I always am
Me: you mean as lazy (we laugh and she gets up).

We don’t get up to much for the next 3 weeks. She just goes to
Vision, plans the wedding and now shes in the zone of this
planning. She was lazy to start planning, but now that shes
started, shes always out of the house running around then
comes home with swollen feet or comes home too tired to even
eat. She literally walks in, bathes and falls asleep even in the
bathtub.

Today isn’t too different, she was out all day and she comes back
with some paperbags, she walks in with them through the
kitchen door from the garage, she sees me,
Her: hey babe
Me: sawbona sthandwa. (I get up to receive her, I hug her) is
that all?
her: nope, I have a few more in the car
Me: you drove yourself around today?
Her: yes, I gave Musa the day. Poor guy has been doing too much
wedding shopping while my husband works
I step out to get the rest bags in the car

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Me: what did you get? You sure shopped
Her: ooh baby, I found shoes, theyre to die for. I also saw some
other little things and I just couldn’t help it.
Shes talking and shes excited. Im glad shes in the zone of this
wedding, shes aligning to the idea
Me: so, can I see the shoes?
Her: no you cant. Haau, you’ll see them at the wedding. (she
pulls some bags and brings them closer to the couch shes sitting
on) I bought you some stuff, I saw some shirts and golfers for
you. Actually a lot of them
Me: aw MaMbatha, you went shopping for the wedding and you
bought me clothes instead??
Her: you are my wedding, so I shopped right
Me: youre too much of a sweet talker inkinga yakho. Let me see.
I grab the packets stuff and their really nice. Really nice. She
wen t all out.
Her: you like them?
Me: I love them mama, but ke I know my clothes aren’t the only
things you bought. Show me what you got for you
Her: ai Mbatha, I cant. All I bought you will see at the wedding
(she chuckles. Lays on the sofa and is dozing off)
Me: heeeeeh (I scare her off and shes startled) get up, you need
to bathe
Her: ill get up now now now, tomorrow I don’t have much to do
so I don’t have to sleep early
I get up to get her something to snack on while I update her
about my day, I go to the kitchen and when I come back shes
sleeping. No seriously sleeping. I wanna take hr upstairs but
shell have to bathe and shell wake up and so I get her a fleece
instead and watch TV with her feet on my lap. Theyre swollen. I
squeeze them trying to massage them and theyre really swollen.
She must have been walking around a lot. Ngeke, this wedding is
taxing on her body. A few hours later, her phone rings, it’s
Snypes. I pick up
Me: MaMbatha phone hello
Him: oh hello. Is Ssethu around
Me: no shes sleeping, I’ll have her call you tomorrow
Him: ohk, uhhmm, I wanted to thank her for this trip, and you
too
I laugh

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Me: im glad youre enjoying it. Im even happier you were’nt
threatening my marriage
Him: id do it all over again, I can never have her go through all
that again
Me: thank you Madlokovu. I still don’t like you though
He chuckles
Him: you don’t have to, she does. Tell her to call me. Tell her I
saw her pieces in NY, theyre beautiful
Me: what pieces?
Him: she wanted these earings for her wedding, they go well
with her dress, manje we couldn’t find them in SA, sengwabona
la
Me: ooh im glad I picked up. We can get them for her as a gift
Him: oooooooh, isn’t she lucky
Me: can you get them??
Him: I couldn’t afford them if I wanted to. They have a neckpiece
as well. It’s a set
Me: how much are they Madlokovu?
him: they’re expensive, $42 000.
Me: ohk. Uuurrrrhhhmmmm, ill make a transfer and you can
get them for her please. Ill give them to her at the wedding her
Him: haah, that kind of money in my account, they’ll probably
block my card
Me: (we laugh) no one will block your card. Enjoy your holiday
and don’t come back here without those earrings
Him: alright cool. Have to go. Ill send you a picture of them on
her number. I know you have her passwords
Me: ohk. Your account details aswel.
We hang up and im glad. I’ve been wondering what im gonna get
her, I was thinking a car but we have that already, now I can get
her something she really has been longing for and wasn’t
expecting it.

Sethu..

I wake up feel rather offish. Today I wake up first, Sabelo slept

with me on the couch. Still in yesterdays clothes. I go to the
kitchen and have a sandwich then to the bathroom where I take
a shower and just sit. About 30 minutes later Sabelo walks in

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the bedroom he’s busy calling for me “MaMbatha” I don’t
respond. He walks through the room to the bathrrom where I
am and finds me sitting on the floor next to the tub
Him: baby (he looks concerned)
Me: (I look up at him) yes love
Him: are you ohk? Why are you sitting on the floor you’ll catch a
cold
Me: I’m feeling hot. I think this aircon is broken
Him: baby the aircon is rather cool in this room. Come let me
help you up.
He takes my hand and helps me up. The moment I stand up I
throw up everything. I didn’t reach the toilet seat on time so nje
I created quite a mess. He looks at me the same way he did when
I was poisoned.
Him: baby no please. What did you eat this time?
Me: water. I need water
He gets me water from the side table by our bed after sitting me
down. He helps me drink up then he runs the shower for me. I
get in while he cleans up.
Him: maMbatha I think we need to see a dr. I don’t want history
repeating itself
Me; ai maan bhabha I’m ohk. There’s no food poisoning la. I
haven’t had anything out of the ordinary and I’ve been
preparing my own food
Him: maybe it’s this crazy peanut butter and jam dip you’ve
been having with your Pringles.
We both laugh. He’s being an idiot.
Me: ai suka leave me alone please tu.
I get out the shower and he helps me out and gets me my robe. I
sit on the bed because for some reason my feet hurt.
Him: ai, awuyi ndawo today, not even Vision
Me: ai suka, I’m not sick, but thank you anyways, I could use a
long weekend
Him: good. So were seeing a Dr before we do some of your
shopping
Me: I’ve gained some weight neh
Him: well you were complaining about it so we may aswel get
you some dresses. Cause izolo you only shopped for the wedding
Her: ai, I can’t shop 2 days in a row, I’m tired

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I laugh while he massages my feet.
Me: oooooh that feels sooo good hmmm
Him: I know, my hands work miracles
Me:yes they do, in more ways then one
He cracks
Him: hey, don’t be naughty
Me: ai get your mind off the gutter.
As he’s massaging me I fall asleep. He puts a fleece over me and
lets me rest. I wake up about 2 hours later and he is on his
laptop doing something. He’s cussing over something. I turn to
look at him
Me: are you ohk? (I’m still in my sleep)
Him: I’m just looking at this email of an incomplete project.
Materials to be imported will delay a week meaning it will delay
the project and so the team needs to inform the client. It’s a
difficult client. I’ll have to go to this briefing myself tomorrow
Me: oh, ohk. I’m sure you’re gonna save the day sthandwa
samm. You always do.
He smiles and kisses my forehead.
Him: baby we haven’t gone out in a while. Let’s go watch a movie
and have lunch. You know dress down nje and just enjoy life
Me: and take a walk at the beach right?
Him: yes love and take a walk at the beach
I get out of bed and slip into my maxi dress while he wears a
short and sneakers with a plain tshirt. Truth is whatever Sabelo
wears he makes it look great because his physique allows him
such flexibilities
Me: I’m ready. I wanna go to Havanna grill I crave their steak
fillet and caramelized veggies with butternut and cream
spinach. No no not butternut rather mash potatoes and a
margarita
Him: no. no margarita, you know how I feel about that drink
Ever since the poisoning he doesn’t even wanna hear the word
margarita let alone have me drink it
Me: ngyay’halela nje
Him: try something else, like a milkshake
He laughs. I don’t carry my purse. I just walk out nje plain jane
and cute. I like it this way and fortunately for me, he likes me
natural himself. He says weaves kill the purpose of Sizwesamm.

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But he still buys them for me, I have a few, some I end up giving
away because I hardly use them really.
Him: where would you like to watch the movie?
Me: anywhere but how about we start with my food first? I like
the havanna grill in Durban north, the one we have here doesn’t
make my steak to perfection.
He takes the keys to the G63
Me: I’m not getting in that car. I want the audi today
Him: what difference does it make?
Me: it’s too rigid, I want the smooth corners and not this boxed
car
Him: aaawuu now it’s rigid and boxed, not soo long ago you were
fighting me to drive it
Me: I still like it a lot, but today I want the audi
Him: ai maMbatha. You don’t cease to amaze me
We both laugh and he takes the keys to the audi. He gets my
door and we leave forestwood.
Me: can I also have icecream?
Him: you’ll have that after lunch
Me: no I want frozen yoghurt, wakaberry. (I’m excited it’s
evident) Yes wakaberry.
Him: Siphosethu!
Me: yini?
Him: you want food at havanna grill, you want a wakaberry
froyoh then you want the beach then you want the movies ai
you can’t have it all
Me: why can’t i?
Him: because you just can’t
I feel my heart sink and my tears build up. One flows then I can’t
stop the rest
Me: (sniff sniff)
Him: maMbatha no! don’t!
Me: you promised to make all my dreams and fantasies a reality
kodwa you.. (sniff sniff) you’re.. complaining about just driving
me to these places as if you have no gas when the car is always
full tank
Him:maMbatha
Me: (sniff sniff) take me home I don’t feel like any of these
things anymore (I’m really crying and honestly angazi why. I
can’t stop)

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Him: baby I don’t mean it like that it’s ohk I’ll take you
Me: no. don’t. stop giving me everything I want cause soon you’ll
think I’m spoilt like everyone does. (I’m crying a river right
now) just take me home
Him: but I don’t want you to cry. You know I hate seeing you
crying
Me: ai take me home. You’re the one who got me out of bed and
said we should go out kodwa now you’re the one who is
complaining. I won’t eat this food anymore. (I’m still crying but
my voice is clear)
He pulls over under some bridge and takes my hand
Him: Siphosami what’s going on?
Me: (sniffs…)
Him: Baby talk to me (he sounds concerned and confused too)
Me: I don’t know I’m just crying I can’t stop them.
Him: are you hurt baby?
Me: no my heart is not sore but my eyes won’t stop watering I
don’t know why
Him: would you still like some food?
I breathe as to catch my breathe and nod multiple times
Him: should your husband still take you to Havanna grill for
your favourite steak?
Me: yes (husky voice)
Him: are you gonna eat when you get there then we can go get
you your wakaberry before we go for the walk at the beach?
Me: yeah but what about our movie?
Him: we’ll watch the late airing it’s ohk. We don’t have work
tomorrow
Me: but you have a meeting with the difficult client
Him: it’s ohk I’ll cover. It’s not an early meeting. (he wipes my
tears) ohk, I’ll start the car now and we’ll go to havanna grill for
your steak ohk?
Me: ohk baby thank you.
With that I put on my Marvin Gaye and indeed he drives me
there. I order my steak the minute I walk in and order
cranberry juice. He orders his lamb shank and a beer.

Sabelo
I’m still in disbelief of what I just saw at on the freeway here. I
don’t know what to make of it. Since when does she just cry and

355
not know why she’s crying when nothing is sore? She has
irregular periods so it can’t be her periods, or maybe it is. Her
fillet steak arrives and she looks at it with her eyes popping
Her: thanks for this baby
Me: it’s a pleasure my love. Anything for you.
She takes her fork and knife and eats like nobody is watching.
Me: you’re enjoying it I see
Her: baby it’s to die for. You should try it. It’s life
Me: no love I’ll stick to my shank. It’s also life
Her: aah well. Your loss.
She eats till she finishes. Watching her eat makes me happy. I
don’t think there’s anything in the world I like more then just
seeing her happy about a plate that’s infront of her. I can’t
express it enough, my wife loves food. Give her food and you
have won her heart. She’s that simple to please. I remember an
argument we had a few weeks ago was ended by “what do you
feel like eating today” and that changed the scope of the topic
and the argument ended just like that. She’s here infront of me
chewing and wiggling her shoulder looking like the most
beautiful thing in the world.
Her: baby I’d like a plane vanilla icecream on the go. I don’t feel
like wakaberry anymore
Phewwwwww I’m thinking to myself
Me: oh you’ve changed your mind
Her: yeah. I have.
We place that order, cover the bill and head to the car with a
doggy bag cause I didn’t finish my food.
Her: I don’t think I’ll be able to walk at the beach my feet are
sore
Me: then we’ll just sit by the sand. It’s no train smash I know
you love the beach
Her: I do neh baby. Let’s just go sit by the sand and watch the
waves kiss the shore
Me: what book did you read that from?
We laugh and she laughs sooo hard.
Her: I actually watched that in a movie babe. The same movie we
watched and you chose to fall asleep
Me: baby I was tired
Her: I know you were handsome. You work too hard.
Him: I gotta provide for my family

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Her: and you do baby, you provide us with everything we need.
All of us. I’m greatful for everything sthandwa samm. I see
everthing don’t ever think anything you do ever goes unnoticed.
Everytime she says thank you or appreciates my efforts she
makes me wanna do more. She makes waking up in the morning
seem like a breeze.
Me: I love you MaMbatha. Ever since you came into my life
you’ve made it easier. It’s easier with you in it.
She cries again. Oooh God what have I done. “I love you more”
she manages to say. Then the moment she sees the beach she
stops crying. She’s smiling again. I’m out here thinking “this
period better come and go. All these tears are too much.”
She dips her feet in the water, she smiles and looks at me
Her: baby please just look at God. This is all the wonderful works
of the Lord
Me: yes baby it is
Her: don’t you just look at all this in awe. (she bends and picks
up a shell) this (she points at it) one man behind all this, behind
you.
I come from behind her and hold her waist from behind. She
turns around and looks at me
Her: Sabelo you smell funny
Me: what do you mean “smell funny”?
Her: ai Sabelo you, you….
She runs for the closest bin and she makes it, she throws up
everything she had eaten. I pat her back while she throws up
while smelling my own tshirt. I still smell the same. I never
changed my cologne after she told me she liked it manje I don’t
get why it suddenly stinks. OOooh God it hits me. Could it be
what I think. Could she be pregnant?
Me: baby we’re gonna go see Dr Ramdaas now
She doesn’t dispute. Thank God.
I hold her as we walk to the car and I give her some water. I get
her door while she straps up I enter on my side.
Me: baby when last did you get your period?
Her: you know how irregular I am, I don’t know maybe a few
months ago
Me: baby what if you were pregnant?
Her: I can’t be. The Dr said I, he said chances of me falling
pregnant are close to 0

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Ramdaas did say her chances are slim. After her poisoning
incident we wanted to know the damage and we did full tests
which gave us some results we weren’t looking for like that she
may never be able to give me babies. It’s something we’ve
avoided talking about since then and I’d also lost 2 babies even
though it was babomncane so it wasn’t something I had much
interest in but it’s not like I’d refuse the blessing if God finally
decided to show up
Me: I know baby but just think about it
Her: no. Don’t do that. If I were pregnant I’d know. Don’t get my
hopes up and set me up for disappointment. Don’t do it
..silence..
her: if youre taking me to Ramdas to assess pregnancy please
don’t waste our time and just take me home (it’s really breaking
her heart).
me: no baby we’re just gonna check why you’ve been vomiting
she’s quiet and switches off the radio and looks out the window.
She’s heartsore and possibly hoping of the slight possibility
being a reality.
We get to the Dr and I tell him of her random outbreaks and her
vomiting. He gives her a pregnancy stick
Her: I’m not doing this Sabelo you said we’re here to check why
I’ve been vomiting
Me: but baby that’s what we’re doing. Exhausting all
possibilities
Her: Dr did you not say chances of me conceiving are close to 0
Dr: I did but we make exceptions for miracles
Her: Sabelo please don’t do this. Don’t make me do this. If I do it
and it’s negative it will break my heart. Please myen’wamm
don’t make me do this ngyakcela Mbatha
Me: but baby will you ever find peace not knowing what’s
happening?
She cries and once again my heart breaks “baby I’ve accepted
my fate, I don’t wanna break my own heart. All these hopes
break my heart Sabelo” she’s crying and I wanna cry with her
but I have to be strong. Because if she’s not pregnant it might
hurt me too
She cries a few more minutes then she looks at me with her eyes
puffy and red

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Her: if you want babies we can get a surrogate like you said, we
can explore other options not this. I can’t give you babies you
need to accept that
Me: I’ll accept it after this test, baby please. Just this once.
She looks at me like she’s thinking haaard then she picks up the
test and goes to the bathroom. There’s silence a while then I
hear her say a short prayer. There’s silence again. She steps out
without the stick. She sits on the chair by the table
Me: and? How did it go?
She looks up at me
Her: I don’t know. I peed on it and left it there. You go see it.
Handle that disappointment alone
She looks away with her eyes watering. I go to her and take her
hand
Me: baby whatever the results, we’re in this together. Let’s go
check this out together
Her: I’m not ready. I’m not strong enough for this
Me: baby I’ll be strong for you. Let me be strong for you. Please
MaKhumalo, ngyakcela Siphosami.
I take her hand and she gives it to me. We walk to the bathroom.
She doesn’t even wanna look. I draw the courage and I look
“Sontshikazi, Shandu kaNdaba awu Ndabezitha syabonga,
uShandu bengakanani ngoba entendeni yesandla uyenela
nasothini lomkhonto uhlala athi cababa au syabonga..” she looks
at me and then at the test and she just sits down and cries. She’s
busy thanking God and I’m busy thanking her. The test is
positive. We walk out the bathroom with tears in both our eyes
her worse
she: dr you said I couldn’t conceive, why would you do such a
thing?
dr: I did say I look at scientific facts. I don’t know how it
happened for you. Science can’t explain it, that’s why I said I
believe in miracles. Now that we know your pregnant would you
like a scan?
Me: definitely Dr.
She lies on this check up bed and I can tell she still can’t believe
it. She looks excited but she’s still scared. The Dr puts that cold
liquid on her and she flinches. My poor baby.
Dr: look on the monitor and meet you baby
A mini bean appears on the scan. I see it but I don’t quite see it.

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Dr: there’s your baby right here
Ooooooh my baby. I say a mini prayer to God to let me have this
one. This one in particular can God just allow me to keep. I’ve
lost too many, I don’t think I can survive another loss. I can’t.
Dr: would you like to hear the heartbeat?
Her: yes DR please.
He touches something on the monitor and the sound fills the
room. I look at her and she’s looking at me. I hug and hold her
when I realize I’m picking up yet another beat. I turn to the Dr
and she looks at me curiously. She’s worried.
Her: what?
Me: Dr I don’t know if I’m hearing correctly
Dr: I just picked up now myself. Wait let’s check (he puts this
thing on her tummy again and points at the monitor) ooh there
he is. Another one. Your babies look just about right. You need
to go on folic right away and take your vitamins. I’ll refer you to
a gynea and give a booklet of your dos and don’ts, I’d suggest
you stick to it. You’re carrying twins so you’ll probably be twice
as sleepy, as hungry, as tired. You need to rest and to elivate.
He’s talking we’re not listening. I place my hand on her tummy
“we’ll take care of y’all. Please my loves stay with mommy and
daddy, if anything, do it for mommy. Fight. Please fight
boMbatha abahle ningavumi nez’ngane zamm..”
I’m resting my head on her tummy and she rests her hand on
my head. I feel a whole wave of calmness in that moment. I
breathe.
I wipe her clean and we get ready to leave. She’s 13 weeks
pregnant. Right now I’m the happiest man alive. But I’m scared
too. If anything, we’ll be alright.
We pass by the chemist and get her supplements, we get her
fruits and foods she likes aswel as her apricot jam, peanutbutter
and Pringles. She starts eating them the moment she sits in the
car. I keep looking at her because my heart is just too full right
now.
Me: baby you wanna consider going on leave?
Her: nope I’ll take meternity when I’m almost due
Me: but baby. We need you to rest
Her: baby there are a million pregnant women working and
doing pretty well. Please don’t do that.

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Me: baby those women have never experienced our
complications. Please just think about it.
Her: let me think. For now please take me home, I wanna sleep.
We drive in silence. We get home she showers while I get her
some food and she sleeps before I serve her. Great.

Siphosethu is pregnant. Siphosami is pregnant, and with twins.

uSethu umithi madoda. 13 weeks, u3 months phela lowo. 3.
That means when our wedding comes up in the upcoming weeks
shell probably be showing, shell complain and worry about her
dress not fitting her. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in
life. I’m gonna be a father. My wife who was said to not be able to
conceive is pregnant with 2.
I finish off the work I had while she sleeps and before I know it,
it’s 22h30. I drop everything and sleep. I’ve a meeting ksasa and
its gonna be tense.

Chapter sixteen

The next morning.

Sethu.
I get up to a meaaan breakfast next to me. A full blown English
breakfast with bacon even. A note on the tray “mamabo, I had
to rush to the meeting for the briefing. I’ll see you as soon as
it’s done. Please don’t over do it, get enough rest and don’t
forget your vitamins. I love you Sethu. I’ll see you just after
midday.

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Your husband,
Sabelo”
I smile like an idiot. I’m now Mamabo. Their mother. This man is
full of surprises. I eat up and get up to shower. But before I do I
gotta make a call. Lwandle. Her phone rings twice then she
picks up
Her: Sethuuu
Me: hey momma, uyaphila?
Her: ngyaphila mntwana unjan wena??
We laugh
Me: kahle wena, ubaba ongbiza kanjalo
Her: I know right. How have you been? How’s everything going?
me: all is well booboo. I wanna do lunch. You busy??
Her: I was about to call you too, I need to buy Bukhosi some
snacks, I was about to call you to do lunch, my day is just boring
today
Me: ohk. Woza we’ll lunch in Fairmont then we can go to
wherever you wanna go
Her: ai Sethu awphume Fairmont, meet me eLaLucia or
Cornubia hhau
Me: lazy (we laugh)
Her: ai phuma. Phuma nje. I’ll meet you in Cornubia musa nje
ukuba ivila.
Me: ohk, ohk. Fine.
Her: ohm momma. I’ll see you in an hour??
Me: no phela I still gotta mentally prepare for leaving the estate.
I’ll see you in about 2.
Her: ai phela, you can’t estimate. Haah
Me: ohk fine. I’ll see you at 11
Her: Gloria Jeans coffee shop. We can take it from there.
Me: you’re soo annoying. Ohk.
Her: don’t forget to mention it to Sabelo, I hear he and bhut
Msike are in a mean meeting. uNzuzo mentioned it before he left
for work
Me: Sabelo mentioned it. Something about a delay in imported
material so nje I’ll only hear mebuya. I’ll tell him kodwa.
Her: ohk sure. I don’t want these panic attacks.
We laugh loud.
Me: ongyeka. I’ll see you soon. Gotta get ready.

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Her: don’t be late.
I hang up.
I’m trying to ready and now that I know I’m pregnant and with
twins, I already feel fat. I know it’s in my mind but still. It feels
soo good it’s humbling.
I wear a body hugging plain red dress with slip on heels and a
black sling bag. I’m gonna wear hugging dresses while I still can
cause I know soon enough I won’t be comfortable in them.
I shoot Sabelo a text telling him I’m meeting Lwandle eGloria
Jeans. He calls less than a minute later
Me: hey baby
Him: Sethu, Gloria Jeans is that shop that always smells like
coffee??
Me: Gloria Jeans is a coffee shop baba
Him: Sethu, you know you can’t drink coffee right?? Caffeine
Me: yiiiiiikeeess
Him: baby, you can’t eat like you do, all these coffees and wines
and alcohols are to be done without now
Me: eish. I forgot that part
Him: please, just be mindful of what you eat. We can’t afford any
form of carelessness.
Me: ohk
Him: becareful of steps and hights, watch slippery floors, no
overdoing it, don’t carry heavy stuff, when you’re tired sit down
and get some rest. No mistakes. Please, no mistakes.
I’m listening to him fussing, a part of me understands and the
other part can only imagine how deep this will go, I’m
wondering when I’ll strike 9 months if he is like this now.
Me: I’ll be fine
Him: you driving yourself??
Me: Yes. I’ll take the Audi
Him: No, take the Range. A big car
Me: why?
Him: take a big car. Just incase
Me: you think I might get into an accident??
Him: No. That’s not what I’m saying, I just want you to be careful
Me: I won’t do anything stupid and I’ll take the range, I won’t
drink no alcohol or coffee.
Him: I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be fussy
Me: ohk. I have to go. I’m meeting Lwandle in less than an hour

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Him: ohk. Becareful. I love you
Me: I love you too.
I hung up and took a wooosaaaaah.
I get up and walk downstairs ready to leave. I decide I’m really
gonna listen to him and take the Range cause it’s bigger. I hop in
and drive off.

I get to Cornubia and Lwandle is already there. Sitting there

having her coffee. This place is a temptation, it smells soo good
Father God. FATHER GOD!!!
Me: (as I approach her) hey hey mamie
Her: Hey sweet cheeks (she gets up to hug me) you’re beautiful.
(She raises an eyebrow)
Me: are’nt I always?? (We laugh)
She looks at me suspiciously
Her: Sethu
Me: Lwandle
Her: ai, ohk. You still look lovely, even your face is full, the glow,
the fullness, the skin even the hairline is co-operating
Me: Just like it’s always been shem. Allow me my shine. (she
gives me a high 5 and I reach for it too) your coffee smells
glorious
Her: this entire place smells glorious. I didn’t wanna order
anything for you cause I didn’t know how long you might take
Me: naah, don’t worry about it, I’ll order an actual lunch when
you decide where we’re gonna eat. (I sigh) in actual fact, I
wanna get out of this place altogether, it’s tempting me.
Her: tempting you to do what??
Me: to have coffee, kanti I’m trying to do without.
As I speak she calls for the waiter and asks for the bill.
Her: what do you feel like having?? Please don’t say Mug n Bean
Me: I was about to say MnB manje ke I don’t know. I crave a
smoothie from there
Her: ai cha bandla ngeke nje ngikwazi, ngeke nje mntakamah.
Ngicela i_______________________________.
Me: ohk. Walwa pho?
We laugh and the bill comes through. She searches for her card
and I get my purse out and pay the bill cause I had cash. I
figured it would take too long to wait to swipe. I leave R500 and
we leave straight after.

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Her: in a rush neh
Me: ai. Too long a wait if we swipe.
We reach this restaurant of hers and I order a lamb shank
before I even look at the menu. Then I order a grapetiser cause I
feel like something a little acidic but is 100% juice. She orders a
bottle of wine and steak
Me: who will drive mase wena udakwe iWine
Her: ai we will share it that way we both won’t get drunk
Me: I can’t drink. Didn’t you hear me order a grapetiser
Her: I did. But you’ll just have to have both
Me: no can do.
Her: ohk then. I don’t have to finish it vele.
We laugh. The orders come through and we eat. No like, we chow
down. I finish and she’s still eating.
Her: ai Sethu, that was a flash
Me: noo, it was waay smaller in portion. Kahle nje bakithi.
We talk over drinks and the atmostphere is relaxed while she
updates me about her family and Bukhosi who is growing too
fast for her liking.
Me: so you don’t want him to grow?
Her: it’s not that I don’t want him to grow, I just don’t want him
to grow too fast
Me: I know what you mean. I cried tears when Pumpkin
wouldn’t stop growing. I was soo frustrated I felt like soon they
wouldn’t need me anymore. I was a mess. I was just a mess. I
can only imagine how it must be for a biological baby
Her: uyabonake. Kodwa ke what can we say, cause I can’t say
I’m not grateful he’s growing healthy
Me: yeah. We have lots to be grateful for.
Her: so, wedding preps??
Me: they’re going pretty well honestly. I found the shoes I
wanna wear. They’re perfect and the heel is not too high. My
dressmaker is as good as done, he’s just keeping it incase we
have to alter it and because that house is not big enough for me
to be able to hide it from Sabelo.
Her: the wedding is what? 2 months away?
Me: you gorrit. Kodwa everything is in order. The venue, the
dress, my page boy and flower girl outfits neSuit kaSabelo.
Her: you really don’t want us as your bridesmades neh
We laugh

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Me: I just want it as small as possible. Kodwa the preps are done
nje all that’s left is the wedding day.
Her: perfect. I found a dress kodwa it was too big, now we having
it altered and ngyasaba it won’t be as good when it’s altered
Me: why didn’t you just get a seamstress do it for you
Her: I already have one on standby. Phela this is a wedding to be
remembered
Me: phela awsile wena
Her: even more cause it’s gonna be soo intimate and just
popping.
We laugh as the waiter pulls through at us
Him: are you ladies still ohk?? Can I get you anything?
Me: no nothing, just the bill please.
Him: yes mam.
Me: thank you.
He leaves. As we’re talking, Ndumiso pulls over at our table, I
didn’t see him approaching.
Him: mehlomadaaala. San’bona
Me: hi Ndumiso.
Him: why soo formal, ninjan??
Lwandle: syaphila ninjan nina??
Him: ai sikhona. Auwu, y’all look beautiful. Anisaziwa. Isikhathi
eside kangaka sibe sihlala eThekwini sonke
Me: yini enicashile. We’re always around
Him: awu bakwethu, wena nje Sethu, Sabelo would kill me if I
ever even dared to call you. Let alone see you
He chuckles.
The waiter comes through with the bill. Lwandle takes it
Him: please, let me (he places his hand on it)
Her: oh no, don’t worry about it. It’s ohk
Him: awu now you won’t even let me handle the bill?? For old
times sake
Lwandle lets go. The waiter comes back and Ndumiso hands it
over with money and a big fat tip.
Me: thank you. But I really have to go. I’m tired.
Him: you look beautiful Siphosethu. You’re glowing.
Me: thank you. (I say as I push my chair baack to get up.)
Him: I see Sabelo still treating you well. All these years later and
after all that’s happened
Me: he is. Thank you.

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Him: if only he did the same with everyone else
Lwandle: he treats everybody well. He just writes them off
easily. There’s a difference.
Him: awu, nawe sewafunda ukuphendula
Her: I always have.
Him: Sabelo cut off some business deals, left some people in
trouble by cutting them off
Lwandle: you’re speaking of Briqworks?? That was a long time
ago
Him: people depended on that partnership
Her: and it wasn’t the only one briqworks had
Him: it was the most powerful.
Me: where is this going cause I really have to go
Him: oh no, nowhere.
As we’re talking Nomsa appears. She’s digging her bag for
something and uze kuNdumiso.
Her: Ndumiso kade ngikbheka (she raises her eyes and realizes
it’s us he’s talking to)
Him: baby, I saw some old time friends so I came to say hi
I swear snoLwandle nearly pop our eyes out.
Her: San’bona
Me: Hi sisi. (I’m still shocked)
I push my chair further back to get up.
Lwandle: (in total disbelief) are you guys together??
Nomsa: close to 2 years
Lwandle: oh congratulations to y’all. Sethu, let’s go.
Before she stands up, my phone rings. uSabelo
Me: hello
Him: MaMbatha, you ohk?
Me: yes we’re fine. Yindaba?
Him: where are you? When are you going home?
Me: we’re in Cornubia. About to leave
Him: did you see it’s raining outside
Me: oh no, I didn’t see that. We’re in some cosy restaurant la, I
can’t see outside. Wait, how will I drive kunetha?
Him: that’s why I’m calling, I’m gonna come get you now. I’m
close vele.
Me: where are you?
Him: eMhlanga. Not too far from you. I’ll see you now now.

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Me: ohk. I’ll send you my exact location so I don’t have to keep
directing you in this place I don’t know
Him: ohk baby. I love you.
Me: I love you too.
I hang up. I look directly at Lwandle
Me: he says it’s raining outside
Her: awuu manini?
Me: I’ve noo idea
Ndumiso: he called to tell you it’s raining outside?? Why?? Is he
gonna come here and bring you an umbrella??
Me: no, he’s gonna come fetch me
Him: even after all these years. Still treats you like a baby
Me: he still does.
I realize he hasn’t changed, still bitter and even vindictive. This
conversation rubs me off wrong and I’m gonna tell Sabelo every
single detail.
Nomsa: still no babies??
My nose sweats
Me: no.
Sabelo calls again
Me: Mbatha
Him: MaMbatha, I’m still waiting for the location. I’m here and
wanna come to you.
Me: ncese, sengilibele. I’m still at the _____________
Him: oh, ohk. I remember it. I’m here. I’ll see you now now.
Me: ohk cool.
I hang up again.
Me: I have to go.
Lwandle: he’s here?
Me: yup.
Then there were a few minutes of silence.
Ndumiso: ai nangehlula
A second later, Sabelo walks in and directly to us. He looks like a
snack, he’s wearing a navy suit pants and a scotch coat. He
looks like a billion rands.
Him: (he looks at them) San’bona (he turns to me) Sthandwa
(he kisses my cheek)
Me: Mbatha
Him: Ndumiso, Nomsa, MaNdlovu. Is everything ohk?

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Ndumiso: all is well. I was about to leave before I saw your wives
here so I thought to come say hi
Him: oh, ohk. In that case, I’m here for my wives
Me: we’re ready to go.
He takes my hand and I stand.
Ndumiso: I hear y’all are getting married
Sabelo: Yes. We are.
Him: oh congratulations. I hope your day goes well
Sabelo: thank you.
Ndumiso: Sethu, take care.
Me: thank you. Nomsa (I nod in acknowledgement)
Sabelo takes Lwandles hand and we go. As we walk off, I have
this conversation in mind. I felt like there was an element to
that conversation. There was an element of intimidation and
just a threat in my mind. Ndumiso aze angiqali bandla. Angsize.
Sabelo: Sthandwa (he claps on my face)
Me: huh (back to earth)
Him: did you hear what I just said?
Me: no, what did you say?
Him: you’re talking to yourself, we can’t hear what you’re
saying
Me: it’s nothing
Him: what did he say to you??
Me: nothing
Him: Sethu!
Me: noth..
Lwandle: he said a lot. It’s not even what he said, but rather how
he said it.
She tells him the entire story. She tells it like the perfect
narrator, she tells it and she brings the listener to the scene I
swear.
Sabelo is mad, he unbuttons his coat and tosses it at the back of
my car
Him: ohk. Let’s go.
Lwandle: I’m parked on the other side, so you guys can drop me
off there
Him: no, you come with us. Nzuzo already sent someone to get
your car
Her: but I have the key
Him: Nzuzo had the spare key

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Me: is everything ohk?
Him: yeah.
He opens both our doors and I enter front Lwandle goes back.
He closes and drives.
Lwandle: ngempela ngempela uNdumiso ujola noNomsa
Me: ai angikholwanga
Sabelo: they’re an item item?
Me: yup, close to 2 years they say
Lwandle: but weren’t they best of friends with the ex
Me: the ex that tried to kill me for her. That’s what I don’t
understand myself
Lwandle: that’s the first thing that came in mind. They were
loyal to her phela labantu
Me: I nearly die over fickle loyalty. Ai guys abangani benu
Sabelo is dead quite
Lwandle: Forrestwood??
Sabelo: yebo
She eases into her seat. Sabelo is rather quiet, he’s thinking I
see that much.
Me: I need to sleep. I’m soo tired.
Him: Oh you’re exhausted. Kfanele. We have visitors
Me: awu, kanjan kodwa Jesu?
Him: you don’t even have to do nothing, just sit and elivate.
Me: ohk love.
We get home. There are cars nje caaars
Me: awuu, kanti bangaki abantu la bakwethu
Him: enough.
He smiles like he’s excited. But he’s also worried. I see this
cause I know him.
He gets my door and we walk in. we get there and the house has
some important people. The minute we step in and I see aunt
Phumzile.
I turn to him and he smiles
Him: woza Sethu. Nothing is wrong
Me: soo many people
Him: it’s family. Family baby.
There’s Nzuzo, Msikeleli, Thandeka, aunt Phumzile, Zama,
Pretty, Mama’Sophia. Just a few but really important people.
I smile and look forward, walking to lounge. Aunt Phumzile
comes to me and she holds me tight. I can tell by her breathing

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that she’s crying. “I knew it. Lord I knew it.” She whispers on
my ear.
Now I don’t know. I know she’s talking about the pregnancy but
I don’t know whether she just knew by some supernatural
power or Sabelo told her.
Me: San’bona ekhaya
They respond like a choir
Me: Aike mase niphendula ngathi niyacula bantu
We laugh. I go around and hug them one by one. I sit down and
take my shoes off. Sabelo rushes upstairs to get me my slippers.
My feet are sore and swollen.
mamaS: aren’t you hungry?? I cooked dinner
me: nope, I just ate a whole full meal eCornubia. Is everything
ohk??
Aunt’P: everything is perfect mntanami
Me: where are the kids? Pretty?? Zama??
Sabelo: I called everyone home for dinner. Just for us, elders.
Me: oh, ohk.
Mama’S: The table is set, you all can make your way to the
dining room
Me: anglambile nje
Aunt’P: You’ll have a light snack
I get up. Right now I wanna be happier than I am ukuthi they’re
all here for dinner, kodwa I’m really tired and I’m not hungry
kodwa ke what can I do.
We reach the table and as always, I sit on Sabelos right hand and
food starts coming in, aunt Phumzile and mama’S are serving
us. Thandeka is sitting right next to me.
Thandeka: you look really beautiful sisi
Me: thank you. You’ve been hiding
Her: you were going through enough and besides, we’ve been
planning a whole wedding
Me: oh, I saw you recently neh
Her: you can’t say you’ve forgotten. It was just the other day
Me: I guess it just feels like a long time. I forget everything these
days
Her: kungabe ke uyagula njalo (we laugh)
Me: I’m as healthy as an ox.

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The ladies are done serving and they sit. I get up and go to the
kitchen to get my Pringles and peanutbutter. I’m not hungry
afterall
I come back and the table is dead silent. Nzuzo and Aunt P smile
while everyone else is shook.
Me: what??
Thandeka: what exactly are you eating??
Me: you’ve never tried peanutbutter and Pringles??
Zama: ai Nuh, we don’t have to try it to know it makes no sense
Me: pass it around the table and taste
Pretty: you can miss me with that.
She says this as she pulls the macaroni casserole. That hype
dies down and Sabelo speaks
Him: family, thank you for honoring my invite at such short
notice.
Msike: anytime Baffo
Nzuzo: you know we never say no to food. We can’t risk mama
Sophias good food
Pretty: kunanamadombolo nje impela
Nzuzo: usho uphinde.
Me: anidedele umnyen wamm akhulume
Lwandle: “umnyen wamm”
They laugh
Phumzile: umnyen wakhe vele, kanti owabani?
Sabelo: buza mama. Anyways, as I was saying before
ningiphazamise (he clears his throat) sinoMaMbatha sithanda
ukubonga for y’alls support throughout our relationship. Thank
you for celebrating with us from our little victories to our big
ones. For being there for us in trying times.

The table is silent again, people have even stopped eating. Me

too cause I don’t know where Sabelo is going to with this speech.
Msikelelis eyes sharpen, he is always ready for damage control
so nje I know he’s already calculating.
Sabelo: it all doesn’t go unnoticed. We appreciate every little
thing, every detail. This is why I called for this dinner. Izolo
uSethu got sick, she was vomiting again. We were at the beach
when she had the urge to throw up. I decided there and then
that we’re going to go see the Dr incase it’s something that
needed urgent attention.

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(The table is silent and I look around and their faces scream
worry. Except Nzuzo and aunt Phumzile.)
Sabelo: so we went to the Dr and explained what had happened
and well, he gave us pregnancy test sticks, we were a little
skeptical at first because of our history and Sethu was worse,
she was scared but we had to exhaust all possibilities and so we
did a pregnancy test (he pulls a very mini smile) It’s with
pleasure that we (he kisses my hand) let y’all know as the most
important people in our lives, that we let y’all know that we are
officially pregnant. With tw..
Nzuzo: I knew it. I KNEEEEEW IT (he runs to me on the opposite
side of the table and hugs me from behind and kisses my cheek)
Everyone else on the table is still seated and shocked. Msikeleli
rests his face on his hands. Aunti and mama’S are crying. Pretty
too.
Thandeka: please don’t play like that
Zama: it explains the glow. It explains it all
Thandeka: the swollen feet, the fatigue
Lwandle: no coffee, no margarita, peanutbutter and Pringles,
the plumpy cheeks. Oh sisi, cogratulations (She hugs me and
she’s crying a river.)
Then I think it dawned to everyone. They hug me and sesikhala
sonke ke manje. Sonke sonke. Cause it just hit me too.
Aunt Phumzile: with what? (There’s silence again)
Sabelo: mah??
Aunt: you said you’re pregnant with.. then Nzuzo disturbed you
screaming. You didn’t finish it off. Pregnant with what?
Sabelo: we’re pregnant with twins. She’s carrying 2
They’re shook all over again.
Msikeleli rises and hugs me
Him: Syabonga kaKhumalo. Isbusiso esiphindiwe. Siyabonga
Phumz: we need to pray. Can we pray??
Me: (In the midst of my tears) yes, definitely.
Msikeleli is still holding me.
Phumz: gather around and join hands, we need to pray.
Everybody gets up and we all join hands, Sabelo on my left,
Msikeleli on my right hand. We bow and aunt Phumzile and
mama’S start praying. As she prays I join along and so does
Sabelo. Then eventually we have the whole house praying for us
and thanking God and asking from God for safety and an

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uncomplicated pregnancy. We said our Amens and as expected
aunt Phumzile was the last one to finish.
She’s done and they hug me and Sabelo once again.
We’re back at the table eating and it’s all just perfect. There’s
laughter and a sense of gratitude going on around the table. It’s
nice.
We finish eating and I get up to help with the cleaning. As I start
gathering the plates Msikeleli calls for me
Him: MaMbatha..
Me: yebo bhuti
Him: please, come sit next to me
I leave everything and go to him in the lounge and sit next to
him
Him: lets watch something, what would you like to watch
Me: bhuti..
Him: I just want you to sit next to me a while. So we can talk a
little
Me: ohk. What is on your mind?
Him: you’re trying to clean up when there’s a house full of
women
I laugh
Him: why are you trying to clean up?? You need to take it easy.
You can’t by any chance be busy cleaning the house or doing
dishes after hosting dinner in your state
Me: hhau bhuti, I’m only13 weeks
Him: I know, but you are carrying oMbatha abaw2. You have to
take it easy. Let them clean, they’re fit for it. Kodwa umama is
till going talk to you.
Me: yebo bhuti
Him: I’m not saying don’t do anything with yourself and I know
it’s probably not even my place to tell you this or give you any
instructions cause uSabelo is your husband. I know you value
my opinion and so I decided to take this chance. We have been
on quite a journey to get to where we are, I’ll be better off
knowing you’re taking it easy. I’m invested personally in this
process along with everybody here. So badly it will probably
annoy you at some point and we just need you to know this and
be ohk with it.
Me: yebo bhuti, I understand.

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Him: Sabelo is acting strong, I saw it when he announced it. I
also saw it today when you were talking with him and he was
asking you not to drink coffee, it’s just that I didn’t understand
what you were talking about. Sethu he asked you to take a big
car. When he told us this I realized why. He doesn’t wanna loose
these babies. I know if he did he wouldn’t survive and if he didn’t
survive, you wouldn’t either. We can’t have that. We can’t risk it
in anyway.
Me: yebo bhuti
Him: he’ll be overprotective and overbearing kodwa don’t let
that bother you because we all will be on your throat. (he
smiles). The biggest fear I’ve always had is that I don’t know
how deep all these things obaba omncane were doing goes. I
once thought you couldn’t conceive because of them, now that
you are I don’t want the history Sabelo once went through
repeat itself. So we need you to take it easy.

I honestly hadn’t thought of it that far, sengikhohliwe even that

there are people abawoMalume. Who once practiced witchcraft,
I didn’t think there are possibilties that it would afftect me too.
Him: I’m scared myself. I’m excited and I’m very happy, I’m
gonna be a father again. Nothing makes me happier. Kodwa I’m
still scared. I’m still very nervous and I don’t want anything or
anyone interrupt your pregnancy, even if it means you just sit
and eat all day and not even take a walk (we laugh) kodwa I’m
serious. We’ll always be a phone call away, if you feel something
that doesn’t feel right, fona. Even if Sabelo akekho wena fona.
You feel them move ngendlela that you don’t understand, fona.
You’re craving something or wanna go for a walk around the
estate and want someone to walk with you, fona. Call anyone in
this room and we will be there. In a heartbeat cause at the end of
the day we need to focus on the things that matter most and
that would be family.
Me: aawu bhuti call to go for a walk pho?
Him: yes. Because what if you went for a walk alone and then
get tired or find monkeys annoying you and you try to run and
fall and something goes wrong?? Rather we be at your
command than risk our babies
Me: I don’t know how I feel now, it overwhelms me that y’all
think I would risk our babies when I’ve also been praying for soo

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long. When Sabelo called me today for a second I got mad cause
now it sounds like I wouldn’t do all that’s in my power to protect
them, like I’d put them in harms way just to see how far I can go,
like I haven’t been wanting them this entire time, like I’m just a
careless person who won’t protect my babies
(I’m tearing up)
Him: it’s not that KaKhumalo. This is why I said sometimes we
will get on your throat and you need to be ohk with that. Ingoba
I was expecting this. That it would overwhelm you. It’s not that
we think you’re careless, we just will be doing all that’s in our
power to make sure you’re ohk. It’s so we know we’re doing
everything we can to support you. Like having an agreement on
who will accompany you when you go for a walk if ever Sabelo
can’t. Cause walks are important since I doubt you’ll be doing
gym. Nothing that will strain you will be allowed.
Me: yebo bhuti ngyezwa. Istrue ngyezwa.
He hugs me again and congratulates me once more.
Him: now, can we watch something
Me: no, but you can start by getting me a glass of orange juice.
We laugh and he gets up. Immediately when he does everyone
comes in the lounge and we just sit around and Sabelo next to
me ofcourse
Him: that was long, and tense
Me: it was needed.
Msikeleli returns with my juice, I drink up, I lay my head on
Sabelos thigh and we watch TV. I don’t know when but I fell
asleep.

The next morning

I get up and she is still sleeping. Izolo I had to bring her to bed
because she fell asleep on the couch. She didn’t feel anything
because she was really tired. She’s soo beautiful, she’s perfect.
Her face has an expression, she’s a little stressed I can see. I
wanna make her breakfast but I don’t know what because her
cravings are crazy and some foods throw her off.
I take a quick shower and go downsairs to make her an omellete.
Maybe she will be able to stomach it. I get there and mama’S is
already in the kitchen
Me: goodmorning mamah
Her: sawbona baba, unjan?

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Me: ngyaphila. Ngzokwakhela uSethu la iOmellete
Her: she won’t eat that. Her pregnancy is already fussy.
Me: pho what will she be able to eat?
Her: plain toast and black tea
Me: awu ngeke mah, ngeke phela nizolambisa abantwana bam
Her: khululeka. Ngeke belamba
Me: ai ngeke mah, ngicela ukuhluleka ngizamile, ngeke (she
chuckles)
Her: kulungile mfana wamm. Awzame
I make it ngempela nje. I get all the ingredients and mama is
standing la uyangbuka with a smile happening on her face
Her: Phumzile said I must take care of her personally
Me: she warned me about it too. We’ll do all we can. Together (I
hug her).
Sethu appears on the top of the stairs and she’s looking happy
Her: goodmorning (she walks to my embrace)
Me: goodmorning Sthandwa. Ulale kahle?
Her: like a baby thanks. Mah, uyaphila?
Mama: ngyaphila sisi. Konke kuhamba kahle.
Sethu: I’m hungry. I came to make something to eat
Me: I made you an omellete (I put it infront of her. She looks at
it and her face changes. It’s blank)
Her: thank you (she sits on the high chair and she grabs a fork
to eat)
Me: I hope it makes sense in your mouth
She takes a bite. We’re looking at her with our fingers crossed.
She takes another bite and I take a breather. She’s eating it.
Before her 3rd bite she stops as if she’s thinking, then she gets
off the chair as quick as lightening. She runs for the bathroom to
throw up. mamaSophia looks at me like she told me so. I go after
Sethu and she’s kneeling at the toilet seat. Oh it’s gonna be a
serious pregnancy. She gets up, rinces her mouth and we leave
the toilet la.
Me: are you ohk??
Her: it’s not even me, it’s your babies messing with my good food
Me: I’m sorry love
Her: I asked for it. It’s painful sometimes, but I wouldn’t have it
any other way.

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I’m just glad she’s greatful, I’m really glad she’s not
complaining. I want this pregnancy to be as smooth as possible
for her. As possible.
MamaSophia: baby I made you plain toast and tea. Here
she looks at it like she’s skeptical to eat it
Her: oh Nkosi. Kodwa mah
Sophia: awu sisi, qala nje ujwayele.
She eats up and she finishes. I get her vitamins and she takes
them. A few seconds, she burpes. She’s full.
Her: thank you.
Me: what are you doing today??
Her: nothing. Ngeke, sengingafa nokufa. Wena wenzan?
Me: I’m meeting my brothers then I’ll be back home. I wanna be
with you the whole time
Her: what about work??
Me: I’ll be working vele, just not at the office everyday. Maybe 3
times a week. We’ll figure it out
Her: when I’m heavily pregnant you can do that baby, not just
njee
Me: but I don’t wanna miss a single moment. I can’t afford that.
Her: (she sighs) baby, you don’t wanna miss a moment or ufuna
ukungigada??
Me: not even, I just wanna be part of the process
Her: you will be. If you sit here all day you’ll be bored. The babies
will find you tired. Kanti when they arrive I’ll need you around
closely cause I won’t manage. Okwamanje go to work, I’ll always
be home, waiting.
Me: (I kiss her forehead) I’m just..
Her: scared. I know. I am too
Me: you are?
Her: yes. Very. I fear incase something goes wrong, or I can’t
carry my pregnancy full term, I fear loosing one or even both of
my babies. I fear everything soo much I sometimes don’t know
what to do with myself. But I can’t live like that, I’m trying to
surpress my emotions aswel
Me: babe, please, talk to me about these things
Her: you too. I figured it’s fear for you too when you asked me
not to use the audi, I figured it all out. I’m gonna need you to be
open with me about it, talk to me too so we don’t live in misery
when we’re supposed to be at our happiest

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Me: ohk baby. Pinky swear (I stick out my finger for a pinky
promise).
I hug her after.
Me: come, go get ready so we can go for a walk. You need to
stretch. The brothers will take turns. Msikeleli noNzuzo asked
to be part of it too. So you’ll get a walk with them atleast once a
week then every other day will be me
Her: you guys think I’ll go for a walk everyday? Kahleni nina
Me: cha sthandwa. You’ll go for a walk as long as you can take it.
Sozwa nangoDokotela
Her: speaking of Drs, when is my appointment angbanga
ngisezwa
Me: monthly we go see a Dr and whenever you need to, as and
when you need to.
Her: ohk. I’ll go.
Me: never without me. I’ll be on every single appointment.
Every single one.
She chuckles
Her: ai phela, there’s no need for that. Hhau
Me: believe me there is. I wanna be there the whole time. The
entire time. Go get ready. We go for a walk
Her: I need to bathe first
Me: I’ll wait.
We go upstairs and she goes to the bathroom while I call
uMsikeleli to confirm time for when we will meet. I need to tell
them about conversation ka Ndumiso and the ladies izolo. I’m
very uneasy about it. Suddenly, she calls for me in a sense of
urgence

Her: Sabeeeeelo
I run to her. I find her seated kubhavu, crying proper tears
Me: sthandwa
Her: Sabelo…
Me: baby is everything ohk?? Are you ohk??
Her: my dress, Sabelo my dress
I’m confused
Me: dress?
Her: Sabelo (her tears flow and it clicks)
Me: oh your dress, your dress babe what about it?

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Her: my dress won’t fit me. In 2 months I’d have gained weight
and my dress won’t fit, it won’t fit and I won’t have anything to
wear on one of the most important days of my life. My dress
Me: baby we will adjust your dress accordingly, your tailor will
make a beautiful dress for you and it will fit perfectly
Her: baby, you don’t understand, my body will change, I’ll be
plumpy and big and my dress won’t fit. Oh God my dress won’t
fit
Me: baby, we will have every single tailor on standby, your dress
will be perfect. It will fit. I will make sure it fits if it’s the last
thing I have to do
Her: but how, you’re not allowed to see me, until our wedding.
Me: I’ll make sure it fits. That shouldn’t even bother you. Long
as we have enough material you dress will fit.
Her: you promise?
Me: I cross my heart.
She sniffs and wipes her tears
Her: ohk. (sniffs) ohk.
Me: ohk baby, breathe and let’s get you out of the water
Her: I will, I also have the shooting range today. My lessons need
to continue
Me: ai ai, Sethu, you can’t be around guns. No you can’t. you’re
pregnant phela manje you can’t be around all thise vibrations
and noises
Her: you think it will be harmful to the babies??
Me: yes, it’s too loud. I don’t want them hearing gunshot before
they even understand what they are
Her: ohk. I’ll call Paul to cancel the rest of them.
Me: I’ll call him myself
Her: ohk thank you. At least till my babies are born and settled
Me: oh, your babies?
She chuckles
Her: our babies.
Me: ohk. Vele you know how to use it now. I was surprised at
how quickly you learnt to use it
Her: I was too, but I was on a mission.
Me: I understand babe. You had every right. Come on, out of the
water.
She gets up.
Her: yazi I’ve been thinking

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Me: yaaaah
Her: about the trip to Maldives with the ladies
Me: what about it?
Her: I’m thinking they go without me month end.
Me: why do you say?
Deep down I’m glad she’s the one proposing this idea honestly
because I don’t want her that far at such a critical time. What if
she gets stung by some fish in the waters and gets an infection?
So I’m really happy with this new plan, whatever it is.
Her: because pregnant woman are’nt supposed to swim even in
pools and the Maldives is water all around, still oceons but its
still water
Pheeeeeeeew! I’d even forgotten this theory. She sits on the bed
Me: oh, I didn’t even think of that
Her: I’m not risking it. When we grew up kwakuthiwa pregnant
woman shouldn’t even be near the beach.
Me: yeah I remember. But you can go and not swim sthandwa
Her: that would be temptation I can’t resist. You know how I feel
about the beach. I can’t.
Me: baby are you sure?
Her: a pregnancy is 9 months. I have 6 more to go. Maldives will
always be there. I’m not cancelling it, I’m just postponing it for
now
Me: baby, I’m soo proud of you. I’m glad you’re putting our kids
first
Her: there’s nothing I wouldn’t do. Absolutely nothing.
She dresses up and puts on her takkies and we leave to walk
around the estate so she gets to walk around as a form of
excersize.
Before we leave she calls the girls and tells them of this plan and
they couldn’t be happier. Who would resist a fully paid holiday?
I managed to secure a jet for them and they’re all going.
She finishes and I call the agent to tell him to get the ball rolling
on the preparations. Her phone rings, she puts it on loudspeaker
Her: Ocean
Lwandle: hey momma ninjan
Her: siyaphila ninjan nina?
Lwandle: ai syaphila sisi. Lalela
Her: yah
Lwandle: thank you for the holiday kodwa mina I can’t

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Her: hhawu oe, yin manje??
Lwandle: if we all go who will stay with you?
her: it will only be a week, Sabelo uzobe ekhona
Lwandle: ai ngeke. It will be too close to your wedding, too close
to everything. Ngeke ngikwazi ukukushiya, sobuya siye
eHolidini but this pregnancy will only happen once. You need
support. I need to help you run final errands
She sniffs and her tears build up
Lwandle: don’t make reservations for me. I need to be by your
side the entire time
Sethu: so you’re gonna stay for me??
Lwandle: I’m all for you. I need to be with you. Ufona nje
ngyay’cabanga lento ngithi nje cha. It won’t work for me. Send
the ladies cause they already had hopes kodwa mina cha ngeke
Sethu: you’re gonna miss a whole holiday for me? (she’s crying)
Lwandle: girl, I’d miss my wedding for you. I’ll see you later. I
love you. Stop crying
Sethu: I love you too.
She hangs up and turns to me. I open my arms and she comes
right through.
Me: you really are surrounded.
She cries more. I’m out of words for what Lwandle is doing. I’m
too grateful for words. I don’t even know what to say. I’m just
really grateful. Only she would have thought of it. She is the only
one who knows Sethus grief from close range so I understand
why she wouldn’t wanna leave her. Their bond sure is
something.

Chapter seventeen

Everyone rises when the piano harmony comes on, in a vintage

styled church with fancy benches with roses hanging from the
corners near the aisle. A while lengthy carpet and fragranced

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candles on the sides of the carpet. The front of the church is
draped in white with lilac lights from the back of the draping
giving it some color from the bottom up. Total simplicity and
elegance. The whole house rises to their feet. With the majority
being family and selected friends and some of Sethus ex
colleagues the church is full. Intimate, just like she wanted it.
She appears at the end of the aisle. Clothed in a lace finish dress,
hugging her curvecious body all the way to her knees and a
lengthy tail. She’s absolutely beautiful. Her face covered with a
veil. She was right, she did gain weight. Officially 21 weeks, her
bump is evident. We had her dress altered for the last time 3
days ago, just so it fits perfectly. I’m standing here looking at my
forever still standing at the end of the hallway with her father.
The piano goes on again and she starts walking. Slowly. Like she
is in no rush what so ever. I’m looking at her mesmerized. I’ve
seen beautiful brides before but none like this, not like my
Sethu.
She walks and I see crying. I see this because she keeps putting
her hand under the veil, I guess her tears are tickling her. She’s
breathe taking.
I feel like this aisle is too long cause she’s taking forever to get to
me. But I will wait till she gets here because I’ve been dreaming
of this day a while now. As she gets closer I cant help but cry
myself. It hits me that she’s walking down the aisle with my
whole family. Her and my babies growing in her. I’m marrying
them all. They’re all here, all in one piece. My heart can’t take it
so much so my tears flow.
Finally, she’s here. Her father kisses her and gives me her hand.
Good God.
I look at her and her tears just flow.
Me: you’re beautiful
Her: thank you for my earrings and neckpiece. Just what I
wanted. You make all my dreams come true
Me: anytime. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.
The pastor clears his throat and everyone in the congregation
laughs. Yes, we talked and forgot about everyone else watching.
Kodwa ke its not like they could hear us.
Pastor: Dearly beloveds, we are here assembled in the presence
of God with these witness, in this incredible place on this
incredible day just for you. Were here to join together this man

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and this woman in holy matrimony which is blessed by our Lord
Jesus Christ, governed by Gods commandments and is to be
held in high honor among all people.therefore, it is not to be
entered into unadvisedly or lightly. Sethu and Sabelo this is
your day, we are very honoured that you allowed us to share in
it and I hope every person will help this couple to be all God
intended them to be as the years go by. You may be seated.
Everyone sits and my tummy is filled with butterflies. Im seeing
my whole life, in perfection, in tears standing right infront of
me.
Pastor: lets pause for a moment, to ask Gods blessing upon this
day. Pray with me.
(he prays and im looking at Sethu as she bows. My heart is full.)
pastor: who gives this woman to be married to this man??
babKhumalo rises.
Him: her father Khumalo.
Pastor: 1 corinthians chapter 8… (he speaks of love.) God wants
us to love most. Rest in the fact that no matter what you do, God
loves you. He will always love you. Through Jesus he has that
ability. God loves us anyway. There will be days where your
partner doesn’t do what you want, love them anyway. You may
feel ignored, love them anyways. All things change but love
remains the same. Circumstances change. No matter the
challenges, love your partner anyways. People change and
Sethu I hate to break it to you but 25 years from now Sabelo
wont be this handsome stud you see standing before you today, I
pray that you love him anyways. As you take your vows I want
you to remember that you are taking them before God and these
vows are taken before your partner who will trust you as long to
live by them.

There’s silence…

Pastor: Sabelo, do you take this woman to be your lawfully

wedded wife, to have and to hold, to honor, to comfort, to suport
for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do
you part
Me: I do.
Pastor: (asks same for Siphosethu)
Her: I do.

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Pastor: seeing that it is your desire to live together in
matrimony, please join hands as you share the vows you have
for each other.
We turn to each other and I look at her dead in the eye. She’s soo
emotional
Pastor: Siphosethu..
She clears her throat and she takes a heavy breathe
Siphosethu: Sabelo. (She breathes again) Mbatha. Themba
lamm. I don’t think I have the words to express how I feel about
you. I love you. You exude strength, patience and elegence. I
worship God for every breathe in your body. The kind of love
you exhibit is humbling, and it humbles me daily. I love you
from the crown of your head to the soul of your feet. I look at
you and I see my God, you are a reflection of Gods heart for
me.(she breathes and her tears flow) Your .. (she pauses and
breathes) your humble soul is why I love you, your big heart is
why I worship the ground you walk on. The way you love, the
way you care and the gentleness of your spirit is what makes me
believe that God can take human form. I promise to love you, to
care for you and all in connection with you, to honor you, to
respect you and support you. I’ll try my best to be what’s good
for your soul, good for your mind and even your health. I love
you even when it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like I
do, when we argue and when you think I’m too much. I love you
till kingdom come. I love you for my heart, I love you for my
soul, I love you for my sanity. I love you for merely being alive
and breathing. I love you to eternity. Forever and always.
(by this time I feel tear threaten my eyes but I not dare cry.)

Siphosethu
I just said my vows, every word cuts deep cause I just realized I
never tell him I love him enough, I never share with him my
emotions enough and ngyamthanda. It just dawned to me why I
love him, I love every breath in his body. I love his heart.
He looks at me like he is out of words, like he can’t even handle
all I’ve just said. Like he is still digesting it. He breathes and
looks at me directly in the eye
Him: Zesizwe.. (he sighs) Zesizwe Siphosethu, Sami kaKhumalo
Mbatha.(he pauses). You have once again left me without
words. Firstly, I must tell you that, I know you always say it’s

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wrong but I love you with every breathe in my body. I love you
beyond my life, beyond my mind can even begin to fathom. I
knew I’d be loving you more each day when I first layed eyes on
you, before I knew you could ever be my wife, I knew you would
be my heart and the chosen one for me. There were times when I
felt the need to pinch myself because I thought it was a dream, I
was scared of adjusting cause I’d have had to wake up, I had to
pinch myself back to reality. When I pinched myself and
realized I wasn’t dreaming, that it all was happening, I realized
(he breathes), I realized that you are my dream. It’s you, it’s
been you all along. There never was a single moment where it
wasn’t you. Every heartbreak, every sadness, every victory,
every triumph lead me to this moment, it led us to each other.
Every other day, it dawns to me that you’re all I’d ever want,
that I wouldn’t change a thing. From the way you laugh when
you’re happy, the way you wiggle your shoulders when you are
enjoying your meal, how you say “Sabeeloo” when you wake up
from your sleep, how you snore when you’re really tired to how
you look me dead in the eye when you’re loving me. Saying “I
love you” would be an understatement. I live for you, I breathe
for you. I don’t ever wanna have to even imagine my life without
you cause they’d be nothing left for me. You once asked me what
is my life, when I answered that you were laying unconscious on
a hospital bed, today I tell you wide awake, you are my life, you
are my plan, you Siphosethu are what my life is about. You are
my life and my life isyou. You’re it, in its abundance. Lastly, I
promise to love you, to support you, to pray with and for you, to
take care of you, to honor you, to be the head of our household
and lead you and our kids with pride and dignity and humility.
I’ve been honored with many titles in life, many
accomplishments have been noted, but none of them in the
world would ever humble me or would ever mount to the honor
of being husband and a life partner to you. I love you Sethu. You
are my worship to God. You are my dream.

By this time I flow a river. This time I can’t even contain nothing
in my heart. The sincerity in his eyes, the honesty in his voice
are all I’m here for. And the fact that his actions match every
single word he has just said.

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Every single word. It’s like we’re the only 2 people in the room,
but I still hear sobs from people in the room. They’re also crying
themselves.

Pastor: I don’t think anything beyond that could ever be said.

With the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife
once again. Sabelo, you may kiss your bride..

He pulls me closer and he kisses me like I’m fragile. He kisses

me like I’m a gift to mankind. Sweet and short and honest. In
the middle of it he curves to a smile and he talks with his lips on
mine “I love you soo much, you can never even begin to
comprehend.” We pull apart and I’m smiling like an idiot.

Long story short, we leave the church for reception and it’s
elegant white and lilac, with diamonds. It’s as I would have it.
We have food and drinks and all is in order. Speeches happened
but one will be most meaningful.
My father is called to speak, the first and last speaker on my
behalf. The MC speaks and introduces him. As ubaba rises,
uSabelo rises next to me,

Sabelo: Khumalo, (my father is shocked) Mntungwa, Mzilikazi

kaMashobana, wena owadla umuntu um’yenga ngendaba, (then
he smiles cause he realizes what Sabelo is doing) Mabaso..
He praises my father in clan names. At first every body looks
around in shock, my father included. Even I was shook cause I
wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t ready but am I glad he did it.
My father reaches the podium and he looks at both Sabelo and I
and smiles.
Daddy: I always knew there was something wrong with this boy
(the house laughs). I knew this the moment my daughter
started staying away from home all those years ago that he
would be a problem. (The house laughs again). Soon after I
realized he would be a problem, I realized that my daughter was
bubblier, she was happier, her weight picked up and her cheeks
were as plumpy as I’d always known them to be, she was shining
like amagwinya, a vatkoek. Everything about her changed. I
knew he was in her life before I even met him. My daughter can
never hide her happiness or her joy. Once upon a time she

387
couldn’t hide her misery as well but now she has learnt to, this
is how much this boy has been a problem. But I realized he
would be a good problem. The kind of problem every father
wants for his daughter. (He turns to us) If I died today, I would
rest, because even after all the challenges you have faced, I still
see how strongly you feel about her, I see how you would roll
this white carpet for her to walk on every single step so her feet
wouldn’t touch the ground. Even after everything, you still love
her the same, even more with each day that goes by. I don’t
have much words to say, I won’t even advise you to take care of
my daughter cause you’ve been doing that effortlessly all these
years without any advice. I’m not worried about how well you
will raise your children ngoba uyindoda eqotho and you will
raise them the same. Lastly, I believe you when you say my
daughter is your dream. Take care of each other, keep loving
and supporting each other. Hold each other on the highest fort
as you’ve been and remember always, no mater the business, no
matter the thrill, no matter the circumstances. Home comes
first. And if I were to share one last piece of information, if it’s
the last thing I’ll ever impart to you, it would be this: When you
argue over something, it’s not you versus each other, it’s both of
you versus the problem. Remember that always. Ngyabonga
bantabami.

By this time I’m already a mess. I’m crying proper tears. The
thought of my father dying gives me problems. I remember that
he has more years behind him than those ahead of him. I’m
trying to control my tears but I’m not winning. I’m not winning
at all. Sabelo holds my hand and wipes my tears. He takes out
his handkerchief and wipes my tears, mindful of my make up.
Him: the heart of a father. Perfection.
I cry even more. He kisses my forehead and hugs me. He’s been
holding my hand the whole time and now he hugs me straight
up.

I dance with my father and a few minutes later he hands me

over to Sabelo for our dance and it’s seamless and simple. I’m a
happy lady.
I threw the bouquet and Ous’Jane caught it and who knows,
Msikeleli might just be next in line.

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The rest of the day is beautiful, all my dresses fitted and Sabelo
and the kids looked beautiful. We took pictures with the family
on the podium where we were sitting and some whispers of love
and support from some while we posed for a picture.
My sisters looked beautiful. Liziwe and Siphiwesihle came, Lihle
also made it for the wedding. Everything was just right. I’m at
my happiest that Sabelo proposed the wedding. It rekindled
everything for us.
Liziwe comes to us
Her: beautiful, beautiful , absolutely beautiful Sethu
Me: thank you soo much for the food, it’s amazing
Her restaurant staff handled everything that’s food. Every
single thing that’s edible, they made and some cuisines she
cooked herself. She did a stellar job
Her: I wouldn’t have it any other way
Me: you look soo beautiful. Too beautiful for someone who didn’t
sleep a wink
Her: well that runs in the family, but I wouldn’t have it any
other way. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.
Sabelo: ngyabonga sisi
Her: bonga uSethu. How are my babies doing?
Sabelo: bamenza emotional she can’t even breathe a second
without crying.
I look at him and I feel like crying again. My eyes fill up again
Him: uyabo (Liziwe hits him on the shoulder and he hugs me. I
hug him back)
Me: I’m just really hungry. I’m hungry and I can’t eat cause I’m
scared I’ll throw up and mess everything up
Liziwe: you’re still throwing up? 5 months into the pregnancy?
Me: I never stopped. The casualties of my pregnancy
Sabelo: she eats selected foods. Please bring her something light.
Me: I’ll have lamb. Anything with lamb and lots of green salad.
Please
Sabelo: please, get this Liziwe. Don’t delegate it to anyone, don’t
even get your eyes off her plate
Me: but baby, we’re surrounded by people who matter today
Him: I’ll feel better knowing she handled it still.
Her: don’t mention it.

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She leaves and we’re sitting up here looking at everyone who
matters to us endulge in food and conversation. There’s
laughter and people are having fun. It’s beautiful. Sabelo gets
out his phone and sends a text. Then focus’ on me again.
Him: are you happy?
Me: I’ve never been happier. Baby, thank you. This would be the
most precious gift
Him: not as precious as the ones you’re carrying.
He places his hand on my tummy and I place mine on top of his.
He looks at me like I’m precious. Nzuzo comes up with Pringles
and a desert bowl. He gets to us and he’s already laughing
Him: only God will know how you eat this combination. Delivery
for you
I smile like an idiot..
Me: aaah thank you
Him: thank your husband, he had this packed in the car. Even
the peanut butter in this dessert bowl
I turn to Sabelo and my eyes are filling up with tears
Me: baby, you did that for me??
Nzuzo: aah, angihambe. Sala Sabelo
Sabelo: ungfaka enkingeni uyangshiya (he laughs and leaves)
He wipes my tears yet again, I’m eating and endulging in my
snack then I remember
Me: how did you know about my earrings?
Him: ai, if I tell you I’d have to kill you
I laugh like an idiot.
Me: then we both die. Where did you even get them?
Him: Snypes
I look at him eyes popped out. Then I laugh like an idiot.
Me: I thought you didn’t like him. How did you even get his
number?
He laughs
Him: I don’t have it.
I pop out my eyes again
Him: he called a while ago and you were sleeping. Then he said
to tell you he wanted to tell you he saw your earrings and he
was in New York. The rest is history.
Me: they were too expensive baba, how did he.. oh God how did
he even afford them??

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Him: I wouldn’t do that to him baby. I’d never have someone pay
that much from their pocket for my wife. I paid for it.
Me: awwww thank you baby
Him: you have taste. I understand why you liked them. They’re
beautiful on you. You make it look soo beautiful.

The rest of the evening was a beauty. Everyone was happy, and
drinking and and and. Then I was tired. Sabelo saw this and as
you would know, he doesn’t compromise when it comes to my
health or my comfort.
He asks for a moment then gives his vote of thanks. He takes my
hand upfront where he puts a chair for me, I sit and he stands.
He just wants me next to him but not on my feet.
Him: good evening friends and family. I don’t wanna waste
much time because the party must go on. We’d like to take this
moment to thank each and every one of you for coming to
celebrate our love story with us. Thank you for taking the time
out to grace us. Time from y’alls kids, y’alls businesses and
families and everything else y’all could have been doing. That
doesn’t go unnoticed. My wife is tired now and so we will be on
our way to get her comfortable so she can rest, it’s been quite a
busy day.
Once again, thank you. And please grab a gift bag at the door
before you leave, it’s in attempt to express our appreciation for
the gift of your presence today. There’s enough food, a 24hour
bar and a dance floor. Put your dancing shoes on and get
dancing. Thank you.

Chapter eighteen

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Oh my Sethu is too pregnant. She throws tantrums and eats a
lot now. I haven’t missed a single Drs appointment. She craves
stuff and is able to stomach them. 8 months and 3 weeks into it
and she’s huge. She is still able to move around and prepare her
snacks kodwa not much. We’ve had a smooth pregnancy, we
haven’t been having any complications, I’d be lying. We have a
check up with her Gynea Dr Jenny Bhungane today at 2. But
before that, I have a meeting with Nyandeni. A business partner
we met through Sethu. But now that she’s in this state and isn’t
working, I have to meet him to finalise some things that Sipho
couldn’t handle alone.
I make Sethu breakfast, butter croissants and eggs. She likes it
that way. I take it to her and she’s resting on her side with
swollen feet. She’s 2 weeks away from delivery and because
anything can happen, I don’t like leaving her alone.
mamaSophia literally sits with her on the bed till I return from
running errands. Just because this pregnancy has been
peaceful, doesn’t mean I’m taking any risks. I go to wake her
and she’s already up
Me: morning beautiful, I fixed you some food
Her: don’t, don’t do that
Me: hhau baby,, what have I done?
Her: what’s beautiful? My face is big, everything is big. I look
like a hippo
Me: baby, you’re everything. You’re not a hippo you’re carrying
precious cargo. There’s nothing wrong
Her: all my clothes don’t fit me. Ya’ll didn’t tell me carrying
twins would mean I have twice as fat. Not even my shoes fit me,
I can’t stand for too long. All these walks I’ve been taking with
the brothers and you haven’t been helping cause naku ngisdudla
Me: baby they have. They are the reason you’re still able to
walk.
Her: no wonder we moved to a room down here (we moved from
upstairs to ground floor. For safety purposes)
Me: baby, we did that because I didn’t want you tripping and
also because you fall asleep a lot kuSofa
Her: ohkaay. (She smiles.) What do you have there?
Me: croissants and egg
Her: after this, I’m never touching croissants again (we laugh)

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Me: I have a meeting noNyandeni at 11. Gonna be short.
uMsikeleli will fetch you and I’ll meet you at Jennys
Her: oh, ohk. I haven’t seen him in a while, last he came was for
my walk 2 weeks ago. Gonna be nice
Me: gonna be nice because you get away with murder when
you’re with him. I warned him. You won’t have anything that
could be harmful (last time he gave her a sip of wine. I only
caught up because I could taste it when I was kissing her when I
came back from work. She couldn’t even hide it.)
Her: Mbatha, you have to forgive me already. That only
happened once. I’ve never put my babies in harms way ever
again.
Me: ai sthandwa
Her: ai baba, nawe wenza ngathi ngiCareless fulltime. It was
only one sip
Me: ai
Her: haah, what have I not done? I see now, once these babies
are born you will pay me no attention
Me: you know that would never happen
Her: ai. I changed rooms, quit shooting range, stopped
everything work related, stopped driving small cars, walking
daily, eating healthy, quit manicures and salons cause “gases”
there could be harmful, quit the beach. I quit everything cause I
love them too. I only had one sip, one sip of wine and you treat
me like I’m a careless parent. I’m scared too Sabelo kodwa you
can’t do this everytime. I’m 2 weeks away from labor, I don’t
need this. (she’s getting emotional and only an apology will fix
this cause food doesn’t win my arguments anymore)
Me: you’ve done everything baby you’re right. I’m sorry
Her: ai baba. Hamba nje osebenzela abantwana. Don’t be late
Me: remember, no matter the thrill, no matter the business,
Home comes first.
Her: oh how could I forget. My father. (she smiles). Seeing that
you took it all seriously, can you help me bathe??
Me: there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
She eats up and finishes in a second. We go bathe her and I pull
her out of the tub. She can’t even shave anymore so I do it for
her every now and again. She hardly ever wears underwear
anymore. Oh Sethu wamm.

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I leave her to rest while I prepare for my meeting with
Nyandeni. By the time I come out the bathroom to the closet,
she’s already sleeping. Her face relaxed and her hand on her
tummy. The babies move a lot. They keep her up at night. It
scared me at first then when I got used to it, I wanted them to
move every second of the day.
I kiss her and head for the garage. I pass the kitchen and
mama’S is there.
Me: mah, I’m leaving now. She’s sleeping
Her: ohk baba, I’ll be with her when I’m done
Me: mah, please don’t let an hour pass before you go be with her.
I need her safe
Her: ohk baby.
I hug and kiss her cheek and I’m out.

I’m on the freeway in the GTI when I notice a black BMW

flashing lights at me. I’m already late so I can’t stop. Suddenly I
feel a discomfort in the pits of my tummy. I accelerate and the
BM behind me picks up as well. Overtakes to the offramp I’m
going for and it’s almost empty.
I get my phone and call Nzuzo. Fortunately he picks up
Him: bafo
Me: trouble
Him: uthin manje?
Me: I’m in trouble. I have 3 cars jacking me up at the
Kwadukuza offramp. Take care of my Sethu she has an
appointment at 2. It looks serious
Him: I’m getting the guys out. Put the phone where they won’t
see it and leave it on so we have your location
Me: whatever happens, take care of my Sethu, take care of my
babies and make sure no trouble leads back to them. Whatever
happens, make sure they’re never out of love
Him: Sabelo don’t talk like that.
Me: if anything goes wrong, tell Msikeleli only after her
appointment at 2. I need her to believe everything is under
control. We can’t have any complications 2 weeks to giving birth

I pull close the gun from under my seat, while focused on the car
infront of me, another one jacks me up to the side of the road
and one behind me shoots at my tyres. My car skits off the road

394
to a construction wall and sommersalts on a bank that wasn’t
too deep. One minute I see everything, the next I’m all out.

Sethu

The babies are kicking soo hard. It’s too much, it’s
uncomfortable.
Mama’S: Kwenzakalani??
Me: angazi, they’re restling in my tummy
Her: that’s a sign of health. That’s a good thing
Me: it’s too much. I don’t want them strangling each other with
the ambilical cord la
Her: it’s a good thing you’re seeing your Dr today
Me: still mama, it’s too aaaaaaaaaaaah (I scream in pain)
Her: sit up, sit up and breathe. It’s still early for labour
Me: mamah, this is not labour. They’re too hostile
Msikeleli calls
Me: bhuti
Him: maMbatha, I’m at the gate coming up
Me: it’s ohk. I’m as good as ready
Him: you don’t sound ohk
Me: y’alls babies are wrestling in my tummy
Him: they’re soccer players (he’s laughing)
Me: why are you laughing cause it hurts??
Him: it happens kaKhumalo
Me: it’s too much now, too much. They’ve never been this hostile
Him: let’s go check it out. I’m almost there
Me: have you spoken to Sabelo?
Him: no. He said we’d meet him at the Drs
Me: ohk.
Him: it’s a little cold. Dress warm
Me: ohk bhuti, ngyabonga.

Mama helps me dress up and walks me out to the car. She even
makes me carry a fleece.
Me: mah, I’ll see you later
Her: ohk baby.

Msikeleli gets my door

Me: awu bakithi, Sabelo akekho

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Him: I can’t make that mistake. He’d never forgive me. (we
laugh)
He’s with Aus’Jane
Me: hhau hello sessi
Her: hey unjan??
Me: it’s these babies messing with me kodwa ngyaphila.. ninjan
nina?
Her: ai syaphila.
Me: why did you sit there? I’d have preffered the back
Msikeleli: she said you needed the leg room
Me: what I need is this seat dropped.
I press the button on the side of my chair and adjust and the
seat adjusts accordingly.
Before I know it we’re at the Drs in LaLucia. Msikeleli shakes
me awake, softely. I fell asleep while we were driving there.
Me: hhau, besenglele
Him: it happens. It’s very much normal. Especially twins.
Me: ai abaphume bandla manje
Jane: then the real work starts.
We laugh.
Her: come on, let’s get you in.
Me: I can’t wait to see Sabelo. I miss him too much
Her: I’m sure he misses you too.
We get in to reception and Sabelo isn’t in sight
Me: hello (I greet the receptionist)
Her: Mrs Mbatha. Sawbona. Unjan?
Me: I’m tired. I’m here for my 2 o’clock
Her: Dr Bhungane is already waiting for you
Me: uSabelo ebengakafiki?
Her: no maam, I haven’t seen him.
Me: ohk. He must be running late.
As I walk, Nzuzo comes rushing in
Me: and then?? Wena??
He looks flushed
He hugs me
Him: hey beautiful
Me: hi. Where’s my husband??
Him: he told me you’d be here. I came to make sure all is in
order
Me: won’t he make it??

396
Him: I doubt it. Meeting overlapped
Me: it’s ohk shame. He works too hard and he’s been to every
appointment.
Him: I’m glad you understand.
Me: since y’all can’t go in with me, Jane could you??
Her: I’d love to.

We go in and I have my check up. The Dr is happy with me. My

babies are almost ready. In just above a week I book myself in at
the hospital.
I send Sabelo that on text, it doesn’t deliver.

We walk out and the brothers look stressed. Msikelelis mood has
changed straight. He looks defeated and angry too
Me: what is it??
Nzuzo: what is what??
Me: bhuti, you look uneasy
Him: I’ve been worried on what the Dr would say. How are
they??
Me: they’re fine. I book myself in in a week and a half. I texted
Sabelo, it hasn’t delivered
Nzuzo: it must be battery
Me: I assumed so. Please take me home. I wanna sleep
Nzuzo: Mind being with Lwandle a while??
Me: Is she gonna move in?
Nzuzo: yeah. Or you could move in with us
Me: can she please move? I’ve got everything set up for my
condition ekhaya and Sabelo helps me out. He won’t be able to
help me from y’alls home.

Chapter nineteen

397
NARRATOR…
Lwandle went to stay with Sethu the rest of the day. Nzuzo told
Msikeleli all the details of the issue faced with Sabelo. When
Nzuzo got to the scene, the car was on fire and Sabelo was
nowhere to be seen. The uncertainty though is whether they
took Sabelo or he was burnt to ashes in the car. Msikeleli and
Nzuzo are talking trying to figure out what’s happening,
Msikeleli: who could this be??
Nzuzo: I would be lying if I had an idea. I suspected Ndumiso
after he bumped into Sethu a few months ago. But it doesn’t
make sense. It’s been a long time since that meeting
Msikeleli: I don’t know how this will work out, but my biggest
concern is Sethu. She won’t make it
Nzuzo: just like I feel like she will figure it out sooner than later.
That woman has always had a “no nonsense” radar.
Msikeleli: do you think we should tell her??
Nzuzo: I think it’s wise. She has to know. Cause maybe she can
get some sort of plan on how to deal with it. She’ll be livid if we
keep it from her.
Msikeleli scratches his head in frustration. He can’t begin to
imagine what this could do to a pregnant lady, what it could do
to them.
Msikeleli: what have we done?? Have you dispatched the
guys??
Nzuzo: every single car is out. I’ve asked the entire gang to be on
the look out. I have uMlazi covered across sections, kwamashu,
newlands, mbumbulu, isiphingo stanger everything. Whoever
did this has asked for war, we will give it
Msikeleli: I sent out the investigation unit to the scene to look
for any possible lead. They’re looking into cameras to cover all
grounds. We should have feedback from Mazwi before end of
day. Kodwa we can’t rest.

As they’re speaking Sethu calls Nzuzo. He’s skeptical to pick up,

kodwa he knows he has no choice
Nzuzo: MaMbatha

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Sethu: Nzuzo, Sabelo didn’t pitch for the meeting today, his
phone is sending me straight to voicemail. Kwenzakalani??
Nzuzo: MaM…
Sethu: Nzuzo, the truth please.
The whole time, the twins aren’t at rest. MaMbatha hasn’t
rested since her return from the Drs. The twins must be sensing
the trouble
Nzuzo: we’re coming to you now. We’re on our way
Sethu: my babies must be sensing some trouble Nzuzo, they’ve
been restless the whole day. How long might you take to get
here??
Nzuzo: 15 minutes max
Sethu: please make your way.
Sethu goes on her knees to pray. All she ever asked for from God
is strength to handle whatever the problem may have been.
Before she even calls for help getting off her knees, Mama’S is
ready to help her.
She leaves her room for the lounge where the brothers are.
Sethu: what is it??
Nzuzo: you may neeed to sit down
She sits on the couch and balances on the arm rest.
Nzuzo: Sethu please calm down
Sethu: is he dead??
Msikelelis eyes pop out in shock
Nzuzo unpacks the story. The whole story and the entire time
Sethus face is blank. She shows absolutely no emotion
Sethu: Ndumiso! (she clicks her tongue)
Nzuzo: why?
Sethu: he’s shallow. I knew that conversation at Cornubia
wasn’t just in passing. I’ve expected it. I just wasn’t sure when
he’d strike
Nzuzo: the car burnt to ashes. We’re not sure if he’s in there
Sethu: he’s not dead. My husband can never be dead when he
has 2 babies on the way. If he was dead I would know.
Msikeleli: how would you know?? (he’s hopeful)
Sethu: I just do. Sabelo is not the dying type. (she takes a second
and this annoys her again) the bloody bastard. Now my husband
will be collatoral. They can’t kill him, he’s of no use to them
dead. I’ve been waiting for something like this. Soo shallow.

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Nzuzo: I think we should keep an open mind, I don’t want us
focusing on one part when things could be going wrong
elsewhere, where we’re not looking
Sethu: I’m not gonna waste my time looking elsewhere when I
know who has my husband. (she has a straight face) I’m gonna
skin him alive. I’m gonna rip his throat and serve it to his
girlfriend for dinner. (she has tears in her eyes and such
determination. )
Msikeleli: we can’t let you be part of this
Sethu: I don’t need to be let to do anything, my husband being
part of it makes me part of it.
The brothers look at each other
Nzuzo: Sethu if anything ever happened to you he’d never
forgive us
Sethu: that would be something y’all have to deal with. My
babies have been restless the entire day. I should have known
something was wrong. (she’s determined) I hope for their sake
he doesn’t have a single scratch on him. I just hope. No one will
toy with my heart at such a critical stage and live to see a day
after I’ve found them.
She seems like someone who has been preparing for this day a
while. The fact that she’s been expecting something like this
after the conversation at Cornubia makes life much easier for
her as far as accepting it is concerned. She’s ready.
Sethu: what did y’all think?? That I’d curl up and breakdown
just cause y’all are telling me about a preplanned accident? That
my husband had the time to call and brief Nzuzo about?? That
he was being hunted down by BMWs? The very same BMWs
Ndumiso was buying in numbers last year?? Did he think we
wouldn’t know he’s bought 5 of them? I just didn’t know he was
buying them for my husband
Msikeleli: how did you know this??
Sethu: I told you I’ve been expecting this hit. It doesn’t surprise
me. I’m gonna get my husband if it’s the last thing I do. The cry
baby Sethu died in ICU when she was hospitalized for months,
this Sethu is different, y’all better recognize her.

They realized that they have awakened a beast. She grabs her
phone to make a phone call. She’s calm and this surprises the
brothers

400
Her: hi Snypes. We have trouble
Snypes: what is it??
Her: they have taken my husband. I know uNdumiso and I want
my husband home lastest ksasa. I can’t afford the whole week
cause I give birth in 2 weeks
Snypes: this is a shallow blow, how could he be soo predictable?
Her: he got amateurs like him to handle his business. I’m getting
my husband.
Snypes: don’t worry, we’re all on it. I’ll send a code red signal
out. We’re on top of it.
Her: ohk sure. I’ll be in touch
She hangs up.
Msikeleli: and that was?? I told you we already have people on
dispatch
Her: with all due respect, y’all haven’t prepared. I’ve been
preparing for this since the day I bumped into Ndumiso and
Nomsa at Cornubia. I told y’all I feel like it’s not the end but y’all
paid no mind. Now leave this ball in my court. What good are
guys dispatched all over KZN and every section koMlazi
noNewlands when my husband is soo close I can smell him.
Leave this with me
Msikeleli: you’re heavily pregnant
Her: this heavily pregnant woman will get her husband in the
flesh before even going to labor. I need Sabelo to hold my hand
when I deliver. I’m not delivering these babies alone
Msikeleli: MaMbatha please, we know you’re emotional about
this but nothing can happen to those babies, they are his dream
Her: I’m his dream. They are our dream. And our dream is
incomplete without him. I’m getting my husband. (she’s
sweating on the forehead and nose)
Msikeleli: MaMbatha…
Nzuzo: leave her. (he looks like after all this silence, he’s getting
the picture) I’m behind you all the way. You seem more
prepared. What do you need from us??
Her: for one, I need you to take me to the accident scene. (She
says this and she gets herself up with no help.)
Nzuzo: oh, you can stand. Let’s go.
They all get up and help her I the car. They drive directly to that
offramp. It’s already night and the scene has been cleared. She

401
stands there and she cries. She lets her tears flow when she
identifies some blood.
Her: my husbands blood. They didn’t clean it up properly
Msikeleli: Sethu please
Her: uNdumiso ungijwayela kabi. Ungiphuza inyongo.

She evaluates the scene and walks around trying to find any
sign and calculate the effects of the accident. She starts looking
from where the wheels skid and she looks like she’s
understanding what went on. About 45 minutes later, she askes
to be taken back home.
They get there and she asks they take her downstairs. A
secluded room that no one ever goes too. Its just too far off she’d
hardly been there herself until that day at Cornubia.
Nzuzo: what the hell is this room?
Sethu: Turn the lights on behind you.
He looks for the switch and Msikeleli finds it first. The light
come on
Msikeleli: what the…
Sethu: fuck. Say it, what the Fuck!
It’s a room with surveillance camera screens right around the
house, a screen that feeds to each and every car. Inside and the
front of the car.
Nzuzo: when on earth did you do all this??
Sethu: when I realized y’alls lives are threatened. Sabelo is a
traveler only Mama’S knows about it cause she was around
when intallation took place.
She presses buttons around the table and book shelves spread
open to another room with guns and knives and every possible
thing you could ever think of
Nzuzo: SIPHOSETHU! SIPHOSETHU!
Her: I’m finding my husband.
Msikeleli is still too shocked he sits on the chair looking at
Sethu. He doesn’t believe it
Msikeleli: when did all this…?? How did you even??
Her: Nzuzo, please check the footage to the gti. I wanna see
these cars that had my husband feeling hopeless and jacked
Nzuzo moves swiftly. He accepts that they have been outplayed
by a woman. As they talk Snypes enters with a guy named Guru.
He’s a computer IT whizz so they call him Guru.

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He doesn’t even say a word, he goes straight to the computer.
Snypes: you ohk?
Sethu: I’m perfect. I just want my husband here tomorrow.
Snypes: he’s at a warehouse a little past Ballito. That’s where
they entered into after they took him from the scene
Sethu: do you have Barrow watching the place??
Snypes: it’s surrounded with surveillance from all angles
Nzuzo: wait wait wait, who’s Barrow?? How do y’all know where
they took him??
Sethu: y’all have been in cars with cameras outside your
bonnets, all have been followed by atleast 2 cars for the past 5/6
months
Nzuzo: kanjan??
Sethu: I’ve had guys follow y’all each and every turn. Even the
children at school. I knew this was coming
Msikeleli: you did all this alone?
Sethu: Snypes helped me
Msike: you thought of it alone??
Sethu: I was preparing for days like these
Nzuzo: uyiskhokho Siphosethu. I’m glad my brother chose you.
What can we do??
Sethu: open the third drawer under the bookshelf on your left,
there’s a map there. I want us to close down surrounding exits,
every single one when we go get my husband tomorrow. Formal
and informal trails must be locked down. Nothing will come and
go, until Sabelo is with us. I need him home ksasa latest 10. If
it’s the last thing I will ever do.
Nzuzo gets the maps and Snypes pin points where Sabelo is,
they highlight the trails they will shut down and gather an
action plan.
Sethu: Snypes, do we have the safety vests??
snypes: the bullet proof jackets??
Sethu: yes that
Snypes: yes. I’ve given my guys as well as yours. They’re
covered.
Sethu: this warehouse seems secluded, in the greenlands
Snypes: it seems like a well thought out plan, just handled by
amateurs.

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Sethu: Guru, anything on the cars??
Guru: I’ve checked the number plates of the cars infront, it’s
Ndumiso and one under a Mandisa
Sethu: Mandisa?? Who’s Mandisa??
Nzuzo: is Mandisa not the lady who dated Ndumiso but liked
Sabelo??
Sethu: Son of a bitch. Get me a list of all her family. Every single
one. We need to get the ball rolling.
Guru: no problem
Sethu: so they’re settling a score with my husband?? My own
husband?? Wrong choice. Snypes, the burner
He hands her a cellphone and she takes hers and looks for
Ndumiso number. She dials and he picks up
Him: hello
Her: Ndumiso
There’s silence
Her: Ndumiso I’m gonna need my husband back
Him: where is he?
Her: I know you have him, I’m gonna need him to return home.
We have a family to raise
Him: what’s that have to do with me?
Her: Ndumiso (she sighs) I will chop you like an onion.
He laughs.’
Him: hhey wesfebe, I don’t know your husband
Her: you’ve been warned
Him: or what??
She hangs up.

You could even hear it in his voice that he was guilty. He was
caught out. He was jumpy cause he didn’t understand how they
caught on so quickly when he thought he had everything under
control.
He goes straight to Sabelo and gives him a beating of a lifetime.
Sabelo was fine taking the beating until Ndumiso mentioned his
wife.
Sabelo: you go nowhere near my wife
Him: how does she even know we got you? She’ll be next
Sabelo: you will not touch my wife
Mandisa walks in

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Her: or what?? What will you do?? You’re stuck here hurt, what
will you do?? Your wife means tons to you, not us. She does not
walk on water.
Sabelo: I swear, if y’all dare touch her
Ndumiso: tied to a metal chair with an electric current, what
will you do?
Mandisa goes straight to the battery and gets the connectors to
the chair, it electrocutes Sabelo and has him screaming like a
baby, it’s excrutiating pain.
Mandisa: what will you do??
she pours water on him and has the chair charging again. He
screams like a baby and is crying proper now.
Nomsa walks in
Her: and then?
Mandisa: he says if we touch his wife he will show us flames
They burst in laughter
Nomsa: still going on about her?? How about we raise the bar.
You will leave this place in ashes. Then I will deliver you to her
in ashes.

Meanwhile..
For every moment Sabelo is screaming and in pain, Sethu feels
it.
Her: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah they’re gonna kill him, they’re
gonna kill my husband. (everybody rises to help her) oh God
they’re hurting him (she wails)
Msikeleli: kwenzakalani? How do you know??
Her: I feel it. My babies are feeling it too. Aaaaaaaawww
Nzuzo: what do we do now??
Sethu: Guru?? The pictures??
Guru: got them
Sethu: send them directly to her. She has 12 hours to return my
husband.

The minute the pictures go through, Sethu is screaming again.

The pain is unbearable. It’s soo much she could just faint.
Nzuzo: the more you provoke them the more they hurt him.
Sethu: Snypes tell Barrow to get the guys ready, if she leaves
the warehouse, cause she will to check on her family, take her. I
want her alive. Do you hear me?? I want her alive.

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Snypes: gotcha maam.
Sethu was in random pain for the next 3 hours. Till the clock
striked 3am.
Her: my husband will be home tonight. Come hell or high waters.

Mandisa leaves the warehouse at around 03:15am. As

instructed, Barrows guys get her and shoot dead the guys. They
die on the spot. Snypes’ professionals.
A call comes through, Snypes gets it.
He gets back to Sethu and informs her that Mandisa has been
got. They found her on the empty freeway.
Sethu: I want her alive. (she smiles) that was easy. Nzuzo,
please get me mahewu in the fridge on the cupboard behind you
He gets them and passes it on. She’s hungry and tired. Her feet
are swollen.

Hours go by, the day goes by and Sethu has only ever left the
room to bathe and put on her takkies and tracksuit. Tonight
they’re going to get her husband. Snypes furnishes her in
protective gear. She insists on getting Sabelo herself.
Msike: I still don’t think this is a good idea (he’s worried)
Sethu: than bhuti with all due respect, stay. I’m going for my
husband.
She has knives all over her legs under the tracksuit, she has a
guns on her. 2 on her waist and one really tiny one in her bra.
She’s really ready.
Sethu: get me sunflower oil in the garage, gas stove and sugar.
Lots of sugar
Nzuzo: huh??
sethu: get me sugar, oil and a gas stove. We’re gonna make fried
toffee apples.

As they are leaving the basement armed and in gear, they pray.
Sethu leads the prayer. They are ready to leave and mama’S
feels the unease
Mama’S: Where are you going Sethu??
Her: I’M GOING TO GET MY HUSBAND!

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 Chapter twenty

Sabelo

I’ve been here a day. It feels like forever. It feels like forever. I
miss my wife. I miss my babies. I miss feeling them kick or my
wifes restless face when they do.
I’m busy thinking I can’t die when I hear Ndumiso talking with
Nomsa in frustration
Him: she’s here, the bitch is here
Oh God I hope it’s not Sethu, not in her state
Nomsa: but how did she find us??
Ndumiso comes to me
Him: your wife is an idiot, what’s a woman in her state doing in a
place like this?? Today we will show y’all fire together. Both of
you!
Me: Ndumiso please

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Nomsa: who does she think she is?? Does she think this is a
joke? Huh?? How did she even find us?
Me: your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like laughing. I actually laugh like an idiot. I don’t know
why, I don’t know how she found us, I just, I don’t know. They’re
hitting and punching me cause they’re frustrated she found me
soo quickly and I don’t know why I’m even laughing.
Me: oh God she’s gonna kill y’all. A slow painful death
I don’t even know why I’m saying this cause I’m unhappy she’s
here. But I don’t want them knowing this cause they will use it
against me
Ndumiso: the bloody bitch is a witch
Me: no, she’s a woman scorned. Hell hath no fury. Oh God she’s
gonna deal with y’all accordingly. God Sethu!! She’ll make y’all
pay for everything. Every single thing. It’s gonna be slow and
painful. Excruciating.
Ndumiso: shut up. Shut the fuck up
Me: y’all didn’t think this through did yall?? Y’all thought y’all
would take her husband and just deal with him while she cries
herself to sleep?? My Sethu?? Y’all should have asked. (I
chuckle)
Ndumiso: shut upppp (he shoots and the bullet goes right
through my arm)
I scream like an idiot. This must have driven them crazy cause
next I heard were gunshots coming from outside. Probably
oMsikeleli and the guys handling matters. Now I’m outchea
chilling. Not even 5 minutes there’s silence. Sethu Screams
Her: Ndumiso, let my hisband go and we can all leave this place
in one piece
Both Ndumiso and Nomsa are scared. You can tell. They don’t
know what Sethu is capable of and that’s what’s scary. Hell,
even I don’t know what she’s capable of anymore.
Ndumiso: what will you do?? Sabelo fears you, we don’t.
Her: Ndumiso, you really don’t wanna know what I’ll do. (she
sighs). I’m gonna count to 3 and if my husband isn’t out of that
chair, I swear your navy tshirt, brown pants and shoes will turn
red real quick.
Ohk, they look around and so do I cause I don’t know where
she’s looking from.

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I feel her presence in the room. She’s behind me. They don’t see
her cause I’m behind them and they’re looking to the door. The
voice comes from the door but she’s behind me. She’s soo sexy.
She has an AK47 gun in her hand, her black tracksuit makes
her skin look brighter. I feel my breathe leave me when I realize
she’s heavily pregnant and in this situation. As they expect
movement at the door, someone pushes Mandisa in. she runs to
them drenched in tears.
Sethu: Care to pay me some attention??
They turn and she shoots Ndumiso on the hand and the gun falls
off. The ladies are frozen. I’m still shook by her aiming. Ndumiso
screams.
Oh God she’s soo pregnant.
Her: y’all are soo cheap. Toss your gun behind you Nomsa or I’ll
shoot you on the head, you can see I dont miss.
She does just that.
A few guys I don’t know walk in and are holding guns up high
aiming at oNdumiso.
A few more come in and search them. They get the rest of the
guns and knives while Nzuzo unties me. I’m weak and I’m
bleeding.
I hug Sethu soo hard cause I don’t get how she found me soo
fast.
As I hold her, I feel the babies kick. Sethu is crying. I think
though she sees I’m not ohk she’s relieved I’m alive.
Msikeleli: Sethu, we’ll take it from here, you may leave
Sethu: the show has just begun. I’ve been waiting for this day.
Snypes hands her gloves.
A guy they screamed for as barrow walks in with another 2
carrying sugar, gas stove and a whole lot of oil.
Nzuzo looks at me and says (“we don’t know she asked for it”)
I look at her
Me: baby please.
Her: sthandwa samm sit down. You’re tired from all that
electricity.
Another one walks in “I thought you might need a pot” he hands
it to her like he understands what’s about to happen and
everyone else in the room seems confused.
Sethu: Nzuzo, light the stove up. Barrow, please take off their
shoes. All 3 of them.

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They do as told. She puts the oil in the pot, she can barely bend.
She empties about half of it, and this guy who brought the pot
puts in the sugar in the oil. About 3kgs.
As we’re all waiting to see she turns to them
Her: whose idea was it to do this?? Whose idea was it to
electrocute my heart??
There’s silence.
Her: don’t worry, you’ll be able to talk just now. Juuust now.
The oil starts to boil a few minutes later
Her: we’ll make toffee feet till y’all talk.
She takes the pot and bends at Nomsas feet. I see it, I see it now.
Her: y’all still won’t talk??
Silence
She pours the oil on her feet, she screams in agony. No one in
the house can believe my Sethu could do such..
Her: still won’t talk??
She pours the oil on Ndumiso and Mandisa. They cry proper
tears. I would have never thought she was capable of such
She hands the pot back and asks this guy to fill it up again.
Her: we’ll move up to the hands. Hopefully y’all won’t wait for
the face before y’all can talk.
She asks Barrow to take Ndumiso to the chair they had me on.
They pour water on him and she’s ready to shock him but I can’t
let her
Me: Sethu no. this is not you. Baby please
Her: did you see yourself?? Did you see how hurt you are? Did
you see the blood left over at the scene where the accident
was?? Did you see??
Me: baby I saw, but let these people handle it. This is not you
Her: this is who I’ve become. That old Sethu died. This is
everything I’ve become.
She connects it the ends of this wire to the car battery. It goes
off on Ndumiso. He screams like a baby. She keeps it going for
like 10 seconds. He screams till he doesn’t have a voice
Me: SIPHOSETHUUU STOOOOP.
She disconnects it. Ndumiso breathes.
Him: I’m sorry, I’m soo sorry. I’m sorry
Her: you think you’re gonna rip me off my heart? You thought
you’d leave me pregnant with twins with noo husband?? No

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helper?? You wanted me to raise my babies without a father??
Huh?? That was the plan?? Huh??
She’s screaming like she did the day I first saw her go crazy. She
connects again and she holds it for about 3 seconds. Nzuzo runs
and disconnects
Nzuzo: you’re gonna kill him
Her: that’s the aim. He wanted to kill my husband, I can return
the favour
Sabelo: but it’s unlike you
Her: it’s that very thought that makes them think they can walk
all over my head. (she’s angry and has tears in her eyes, but
they’re not falling. She’s emotional and she might do something
stupid)
Me: Msikeleli please help me, please.
Msikeleli stands there like he’s shocked, like he’s still trying to
fathom all this.
Sethu: Barrow, is my oil ready?
Me: Msikeleli help me.
I would do it myself, I’m still weak. I can’t stand still
Barrow: Ready maam.
She goes for the oil and heads to Nomsa and Londi
Her: are you ready to talk??
Londi: I’m sorry, I’m sorry (she cries in dispair)
Sethu: an apology won’t give me anything. Whose idea was it to
electrocute my husband I ask??
londi: it wasn’t anyone specific.
Sethu: did you not say you’ll deliver me his ashes??
She pours the oil on the other foot. They scream
Sethu: Nomsa, why are you screaming?? I haven’t done nothing
to you. You will scream till you sing a song for the lord to
welcome you home
There’s silence
Sethu: first you send your friends to kill me. Then with Xoli you
plan my husbands 2nd wife and try to get her to kill me. I still left
you. But that wasn’t enough. Now you go for my husband, now
you go for my husband to have me pained?? Did I ask you to
mess up?? Did I ask you bitch around till you got pregnant with
someone elses baby?? Huh?
She pours the rest of it on her feet and it’s all a mess.

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She turns to me. I look at her. When she looks at me it’s like she
charges with a new dosage of anger. She cries. I think seeing me
like this and soo helpless kills her inside.
Me: baby please
Her: you can’t even stop me because you can’t walk. You’re
weak. Ngeke, I can’t leave them. (she turns to snypes) can
someone get me nails and a hammer
Me: Sethu no
She turns to the ladies
Her: I’ll cook y’all alive. Get the gas and oil on their feet. I’ll fry
their feet. Barrow you’ll help me,no one seems interested. Put
the oil in there and put it on the gas, then put their feet in the
pot. Let them fry
Now I’m crying cause my wife is turned beast. I know why
though
Her: they couldn’t protect me after all the grief you put me
through, they couldn’t even avenge me cause y’all were friends,
I’m not friends ke mina and I will avenge my husbands hurt. He
saummersalted because of y’all. No.
Me: Snypes..
He raises his arms in surrender. I realize I’m fucked. Barrow is
still preparing the pots
Sethu: y’all shouldn’t have come, y’all are weak.
Me: Sethu please, baby I know you’re angry, let others handle
this. Please.
She takes a gun from her waist and blows at it. She goes to
Ndumiso in tears.
Her: Nzuzo, pull this bitch and put her next to Ndumiso (she’s
talking about Nomsa)
Nzuzo says nothing, he does as told.
Me: MaKhumalo..
Her: tell them, tell them what y’all did when I was in hospital.
Tell them what y’all did
Their eyes pop out almost out of the sockets. Even I’m shocked,
because how would she know anything?? She was unconscious.
Her: tell them what you did (she shouts in frustration)
Nomsa: we... we..
Her: I’m gonna count to 3… 1….
Nomsa: we….
Sethu: 2…. (the volume of her voice raises in urgency)

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Ndumiso: we injected her drip to prolong her unconsciousness
She screams and shoots his arms and shoots Nomsa on her right
thigh. That time I’m breathing fire. I’m livid
Her: y’alls biggest mistake was not killing me.
Me: WHAT THE FUCK
Her: I was stuck on that bed for all those months because they
injected shit whenever they had the chance to.
Msikeleli paces across the room and punches Ndumiso multiple
times. He’s frustrated and angry.
Nzuzo: y’all are evil
Sethu: I’m gonna slice yalls breasts and deliver them to y’alls
families.
That time I’m crying proper. I can’t begin to imagine what Sethu
is going through and I understand now. They’re the ones who
turned her into this monster
Me: kill them.
Sethu: Thank you.
She shoots to the roof. Then stares onto the wall like she’s
having a conversation
Her: Snypes, I need female assassins
Snypes: we have them, I can get you one
Her: please. They’re not worth it. Mamah says enough. I can’t be
a murderer because of them. If y’all manage to survive this, y’all
can’t breathe to my direction, if y’all do, I will show y’all
furnace. Snypes, I want them dead before sunrise. (she turns to
Nzuzo)Mamah says I must stop, she’s fighting with me now.
Help my husband to the car and take him to the hospital. I
assume he needs a check up
Nzuzo: he just needs to rest and perhaps a drip. X rays to access
any damage from the accident
Her: awuzwe nje, my own husband going for drips cause of these
assholes. Awuzwe nje.
Me: what time is it??
She looks at her watch “22h37” she responds.
As she tries to walk she stands still. She looks at her legs then at
me
Her: I think I peed. (she laughs)
Nzuzo: peed?? You felt it??
her: do I ever with these babies??
Nzuzo: then that’s not pee babygirl, those are your babies

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Her: huh??
Nzuzo: your waters just broke. Let’s get you to hospital.
We all get in cars and right now I’ve gathered some strength and
I don’t even know from where. I’m happy although I haven’t
forgotten what went on in that warehouse.
We get to Ballito and Sethu is still fine. She gets out the guns and
everything else and leaves it in the car. The minute Nzuzo opens
the door porters come and get her. me too.
I get checked up in a heartbeat and they put a drip on me.
Nzuzo calls Lwandle to get fresh clothes for me and bring them
to the hospital. I take a quick shower and they put the drip on
me and I’m able to go be with my wife in the private labour
rooms in about an hour. She’s quiet.
Me: baby, are you ohk?
She cries like the world has crumbled. She cries a river. I go
close to her and I hug her.
Her: I nearly kill them, I was soo angry
Me: baby you didn’t, everything is ohk. Right now you need to
focus on this process
Her: oh God I nearly kill them. My kids nearly get a murderer
for a mom
Me: but they didn’t. Your anger is justified.
Her: Sabelo I nearly loose you, I’d have raised 2 babies alone
Me: you didn’t. I’d have fought to stay alive so I could come back
to you. I never would have left you in the most golden time of
our marriage
Her: we’re gonna be parents Sabelo. Parents. Finally.
I hold her close.
Hours go by, the kids aren’t pulling through, my baby is in pain.
The gynea comes through to check her dialation
She turns to the others, “she’s ready”
It feels like forever that she pushes baby one out, the most
beautiful sight I’ve ever seen,
Dr: it’s a boy
Oh Nkosi yam, I have a son.
They take him away and they clean him up they say.
Dr: Sethu, push again momma we’re almost there..
She pushes a few times and baby 2 comes out..
Dr: it’s a boy again.
Sethu is sweating.

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Her: I’m tired, I’m exhausted.
Dr looks at her, looks at her private part ready to stitch her
after this slimy thing comes out.
Dr: huh.. (she looks shocked)
Me: what Dr??
She’s scaring me
Dr: Another one? How?
La ke I cry proper. Sethu is tired and she too is crying
Dr: I see the head. Sethu push, you can’t get tired you’ll
suffocate the child, use your last strength
I’m holding her hand though I’m weak myself
Me: come on baby, you can do it
Her: I’m tired. Cut me
Dr: he’s too close we can’t now. Sethu pushhh
She pushes haaard and I can feel her strength leave her cause
her hand gets loose. Baby comes out crying and Sethu faints
Dr: it’s a girl.
My baby cries. The sweetest sound. A cry from my princess.
They’re checking Sethu and realize she’s out of it.
They chase me out of the room cause there’s an “emergency”
I think to myself, I can’t have 3 babies and loose my wife.
I get outside and Nzuzo. Lwandle, her sisters,ndu and Thabsile,
Nella and Sandile are there.
Msikeleli: whats happening?
Me: triplets
Lwandle: whaaaat??
Nzuzo: how?
Me: she was hiding. 2 boys and my princess. Sethu lost too
much strength, they’re trying to rescescitate her
Nondu: God can’t do that. He has no right to toy with her like
that. She’s wanted this forever and now that it’s here she can’t
die
Me: she was tired
Pretty: let us pray.
We gather around and we pray. Jenny comes out about 1.5
hours later. She looks tired herself.
The longest hour of my life.
Me: Dr…
Dr: she lost too much strength and blood
I sit in defeat and my tears flow like the nile

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Dr: no no, she’s fine. She’s resting. We’ve cleaned her up. She’ll
need as much rest as she can get. She’s not sleeping but if you go
in you can’t stay too long. Just a second then let them rest
Msikeleli: how are they??
Dr: they’re perfect. Absolutely perfect. 2 boys and a girl. Mr
Mbatha, welcome to fatherhood.
Me: thank you.
I get up and get in. they’ve rapped them up in these cots.
They’re sleeping and perfect really. No wonder Sethu was soo
big. She had a whole team. How God does this, I’ll never know.
Me: hey beautiful
She looks at me and smiles. She’s soo tired
Me: is this even real??
Her: it feels like a dream.
She turns to them. I look at her in awe of her strength
Me: baby you’re everything. Thank you.
Her: our lives are about to change. Don’t get tired
Me: I appreciate this more because we were tested all through.
Every single cry will be music to my ears
Her: how will we even manage??
Me: we have all the support we need. Don’t even go through a
depression. We have everything we need.
Her: have you thought of names??
Me: I was hoping you have
Her: I don’t think I can think
Me: I’d thought of 2. I wasn’t prepared for 3
Her: what an awesome surprise
Me: Mpendulo. Mpendulo Mbatha. My first son. The answer to
our prayers, the answer to our cries, to our plea.
Her: yaaaah?? (she’s waiting for the 2nd name
Me: Langa Mbatha, the hope for better days, ukukhanya
kwethu. God saw fit to add a ray of sunshine
Her: they’re lovely. Langalethu.
Me: what about our daughter?
Her: Sinakhokonke Mbatha.
I look at her cause I see how perfect that fits. Kuphelelisiwe
ngaye.
Me: kuphelele. Siphelele ngaye. I love it. Anyone else can add to
their first names.

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We named them. Together we named them.
Mpendulo Mbatha
Langalethu Mbatha
&
The only princess, Sinakhokonke Mbatha.

And it Ends…

Next read, NASEBUBINI KUYAVELA OKUHLE…

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