The Performance of Becoming Human - Borzutzky, Daniel - 2016 - Brooklyn, NY - Brooklyn Arts Press - 9781936767465 - Anna's Archive
The Performance of Becoming Human - Borzutzky, Daniel - 2016 - Brooklyn, NY - Brooklyn Arts Press - 9781936767465 - Anna's Archive
PERFORMANCE
OF BECOMING
HUMAN.
DANIEL
BORZUTZKY
THE PERFORMANCE
OF
BECOMING HUMAN
THE PERFORMANCE
OF
BECOMING HUMAN
Daniel Borzutzky
ISBN-13: 978-1-936767-46-5
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THE PERFORMANCE
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BECOMING HUMAN
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LET LIGHT SHINE OUT OF DARKNESS
For years, I did not know that I needed to have more light
It came to me and said: There is no light that comes out of your body
I did not know at the time that there should have been light in my body
11
It’s that you cannot know you need something if you do not know it is missing
Which is not to say that for years I did not ask for this light
Once, I even said to the body I live with: I think I need more light in my
body, butI really did not take this seriously as a need, as somethingI deserved
to have
I said: I think Ineed for something blue or green to shine from my rib cage
Did you hear the one about the illegal immigrant who electrocuted his
employee’s genitals? Did you hear the one about the boy in Chicago whose
ear was bitten off when he crossed a border he did not know existed?
I want to give you more room to move so I am trying to carve a space, with
light, for you to walk a bit more freely
This goes against my instincts, which are to tie you down, to tie you to me, to
bind us by the wrist the belly the neck and to look directly into your mouth,
to make you open your mouth and speak the vocabulary of obliteration right
into your tongue your veins your blood
I stop on a bridge over the train tracks and consider the history of the
chemical-melting of my skin
Once, when I poured a certain type of acid on my arm I swore I saw a bright
yellow gas seep out of my body
12
Once, my teeth glowed sick from the diseased snow they had shoved into my
mouth when they wanted me to taste for myself, to bring into my body the
sorrows of the rotten carcass economy
I was part of a team of explorers we were searching for our own bodies
In the desert I found my feet and I put them in a plastic bag and photographed
them, cataloged them, weighed and measured them and when I was finished _
with the bureaucratization of my remains I lay down in the sand and asked
one of my colleagues to jam a knife into my belly
She obliged
But when the blade entered my skin it was as if my belly were a water balloon
My skin ripped into hundreds of pieces and I watched as the water covered
the feet of my colleagues who were here to document their disappearances
and decomposition
It was at this moment that I saw light in my body not sun over the sand
but a drip of soft blue on a piece of skin that had fallen off my body and
dissolved into its own resistance
13
THE PERFORMANCE OF BECOMING HUMAN
On the side of the highway a thousand refugees step off a school bus and
into a sun that can only be described as “blazing.”
The rabbi points to the line the refugees step over and says: “That’s where
the country begins.”
This reminds me of Uncle Antonio. He would have died had his tortured
body not been traded to another country for minerals.
Somehow they were discovered in some shit village in some shit country
by European soldiers and taken to an embassy where they were promptly .
bathed, injected with vaccines, interrogated, etc.
14
Their bodies were traded by country A in exchangedfor some valuable natural
resource needed by country B.
There was only one gag, says the rabbi, as he tucks his children into bed. So
the soldiers took turns passing the filthy thing back and forth between the
mouths of the two prisoners. The mother and son licked each other’s slobber
off the dirty rag that had been in who knows how many other mouths.
I am paid by the word for my transcriptions. Just one more question about
the gag.
He wants to know what color the gag was, what it was made of, how many
mouths had licked it. Hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands?
They used their belts to bind them by the waist to the small cage they were
trapped in.
Observing a newly processed refugee, the rabbi says: “I have seen those blue
jeans before.”
At times like this, he thinks: I can say just about anything right now.
This is, after all, a bedtime story for the end of the world.
I am moving beneath the ground and not sleeping and trying to cross the
border from one sick part of the world to another.
15
But where is the light and why does it not come in through your
bloody fingers?
You hold your bloody fingers before my eyes and there is light in them but
I cannot see it.
You put them to my face and I see your hands open and in them I see a thick
wall and a sky and an ocean and ten years pass and it is still nighttime and I
am falling and there are bodies on the ground in your bloody hands.
Think about the problem really hard then let it go and when you least expect
it a great solution will appear in your mind.
The broken bodies stand by the river and wait for the radiation to trickle out
of the houses and into their skin.
They stand under billboards and sniff paint and they know the eyes that
watch them own their bodies.
The sentences are collapsing one by one and the bodies are collapsing in
your bloody hands and you stitch me up and pray I will sleep and you tell
me of the shattered bus stops where the refugees are waiting for the buses
to take them to the mall where they are holding us now and there is a man
outside our bodies making comments about perspective and scale and light
and there is light once more in your bloody fingers.
16
All I see is the sea and my mother and father falling into it.
The water is frozen and we are sleeping on the rocks, watching the cows on
the cliff and you tell me they might fall and break open and that sheep and
humans and countries will fall out of them and that this will be the start of
the bedtime story you will tell me on this our very last night on earth.
Move your bloody face next to mine and rub me with it. We are dying from
so many stories. We are not complete in the mind from so many stories of
burning houses, missing children, slaughtered animals. Who will put the
stories back together and who will restore the bodies? I am working towards
the end but first I need a stab, a small slice. The stories’‘they are there but we
need a bit more wit. We need something lighter to get us to the end of this
story. Did you hear the one about the guy who picked up chicks by quoting
the oral testimonies of the illiterate villagers who watched their brothers and
sisters get slaughtered?
Or:
Andalé andalé arriba arriba welcome to Tijuana you cannot eat anymore
barbecued iguana. ;
17
His predator, the lazy cat baking in the sun, thinks he will taste good with
chili peppers but there’s something I forgot to tell you. Slow Poke always
pack a gun and now he’s going to blow your flabbergasted feline face off.
It was 1987 and my friends from junior high trapped me on the floor and
mashed bananas in my face and sang: It’s no fun being an illegal alien!
The puddy cat guards the AJAX cheese factory behind the fence, right
across the border.
They need Speedy Gonzales to get them some ripe, fresh, stinky gringo cheese.
Do you know this Speedy Gonzales, asks one of the starving wetback mice.
I know him, Speedy Gonzales frens with my seester (the mice laugh). Speedy
Gonzales frens with everybody’s seester.
I feel like Daniel from the Karate Kid because I too once had a Southern
Californian experience where I wasn’t aware I was learning ancient Japanese
secrets when I was waxing on and waxing off.
18
And I am with you Mr. Miyagi in Reseda.
And I am with you Mr. Miyagi at the All Valley Karate tournament.
And I am with you Mr. Miyagi in Okinawa where you went in Karate Kid
II to meet your long lost girlfriend when you discovered she wasn’t married
off when she was just a teenager to your fiercest Okinawan rival.
And I am with you Mr. Miyagi in Tijuana where it’s murder and diarrhea
and always kinda kinky.
They chopped up two dozen bodies last night and today I have to pick up
my dry cleaning.
So for now hasta luego compadres and don’t worry too much about the
bucket of murmuring shit that is the unitedstatesian night.
What does it say? What does it say? What do you want it to say?
19
IN THE BLAZING CITIES OF YOUR ROTTEN
CARCASS MOUTH
Too bad we live in a world so uptight that we cant
have things like the Frito Bandito anymore.
-Comment on YouTube
‘The children were eating the bushes outside of their former houses that had
been crushed by The Bank of America.
There was a boy in a bush singing an improvised song about a bulldozer that
obliterates the bureaucratic centers of the earth.
Te acuerdas de la pifia?
Do you remember school bells and cowards and the boys who would come
to our yard to eat the scraps of food we threw to them before the city started —
to blaze?
20
Bienvendios a CVS. Si cuenta con tu Extra Care Card please escanea it now.
‘There really wasn’t money anymore or at least there wasn't money for us.
The man with the camera kissed me and took photographs of the blood that
dripped from my fingers.
He knew for example that the blood that dripped from my face tasted like
the blood of the workers assassinated by the Fatherland.
Then I found a dying shack and I met a man with a chain and he was snoring
and talking in his sleep and he smelled like pee and complained he had lost
his pension when they privatized the city in the dying days of the rotten
carcass economy.
Looking after the world is a shitty job if you're really not a people-person.
It rode over his crotch and for twenty-three dollars he would bless you into
heaven so you would not have to remain in the purgatory of the blazing city.
This poem would be better if it took place in The Saloon of Good Fortune.
It would be better if a man jumped off the bar and onto my back as I was
reciting it. If I caught him on my back and smashed him into a table. If
one of his hoodlum buddies smashed me over the head with a bottle of
tequila. This poem would be better with just the right amount of sex, alcohol,
violence and 1950s border-noir.
The chained man was moaning about how he had gone from office to office
to see what the Good Lord had to offer.
21
And all I have now, he sang, is a chain and a basket full of fingernails.
The dog wouldn't stop yapping and I understood I was being refused
absolution.
But I’m Jewish, I told the dog. Iam a member of la raza de Moises.
He barks love, the chained man sang, and he wouldn't stop singing and
I needed to rest so I would be able to find the boat that would help me
get away.
I sat on the floor to sleep, woke up in chains and there was no one to tell my
story to.
Imagine there is a matzah-ball bandito in your house. You buy lots of matzah
balls and mix them with jalapenos and Fritos and light them on fire and
then you survive the apocalypse because Fritos can stay lit forever and you
don't need to find kindling or any of that other stuff so you finally have time
to study Karlito Marx while watching Manchester United’s Mexican hero
Chicharito Hernandez score a poacher’s golazo in the waning seconds of the
Carling Cup while eating hallucinogenic mushrooms while watching Eric
Estrada on Chips on another screen and listening to a podcast of the Book of
Leviticus on your iPod Touch while Skyping with your mom while sexting
with your boyfriend who works for the secret police.
Write a sonnet or a villanelle about this experience and do not use any
adjectives.
22
‘Then I clutched a man trapped beneath my body.
It was 98 degrees.
‘There were echoes trapped in the wall and they belonged to the broken
bodies waiting for the boat on the river.
And the man in my arms said: Are they ordinary people, these trapped voices?
And we sang:
Once I made $60,057 a year working for the city. This was before it blazed.
But then one day I came to work and there was an incinerator outside of
the building.
I told this to my boy and all he could say is what, daddy, is an incinerator?
I saw them putting my plants and books in it and there was no explanation
why.
28
I dream of a giant parasite to feed on the infested bones of the rotting citizens.
There are sirens that won't stop blaring and rotten teeth in all of our mouths
and when I asked an authoritative body what to do now that my life had
been incinerated he told me to go to the river and ask to be put on a boat.
I went to the river and found a body builder who would not stop running.
He was enormous, wearing only boxer trunks, and he complained that his
lover was overusing the word “cock.”
He was frantically running and he couldn’ stop running and I was looking
for the boat and the body builder was screaming about his lover’s overuse of
the word “cock” and for a moment he spoke of a Jewish centaur on the bank
of the river and he kept running and he wouldn't stop running and his boxing
trunks were red and silky and when I asked why he was running he shouted
that his life was a symbol for something that doesn’t exist.
It was 98 degrees.
But bedtime stories for the end of the world don't end where they are
supposed to end.
They end awkwardly, in the middle of some mess that was probably not
worth making to begin with.
24
Imagination Challenge #2:
But these are not screams, actually. They are unclassifiable noises that can
only be understood as a collaboration between his dying body, the obliterated
earth, and the bodies of those already dead.
Write a free-verse poem about the experience. Write it in the second person.
25
THE GROSS AND BORDERLESS BODY
26
Hello, my name is
I come from a village where there is no clean water and where if your nose
is shaped a certain way, or if you are too tall, or too short, you are likely to be
murdered, raped, or dismembered
‘These tribal feuds date back to the 14th century when a short guy with a long
nose slept with the wife of a tall guy with a small nose
Since then, our peoples have hated each other and many of us are in
the diaspora
It totally fucking sucks to have to travel the world, to leave my people and
village, and to get stuck in some shit town in Indiana where the portions at
the restaurants I can’t afford to eat in, except when I am taken to lunch by a
minister or a social worker or a rabbi, could provide multiple meals for like
eight of my nephews and nieces
This experiment in light poetry continues with the immigrant at the border
being hacked to death by a so-called early American guarding the sand
dunes and the power plants
27
Or:
The state keeps flooding and the sewage gets no better and he spends the
summer cleaning the excrement off the floor until his body itself is filled with
excrement, nuclear waste, and the carcasses of washed up animals
Other nights I dream of a beautiful scoop of ice cream, vanilla bean with
hints of mint and jasmine, in a silver dish on a terrace overlooking a war-
torn paradise whose citizens are mending their bodies in the aftermath of a
Socialist revolution
You should be more conscious of the resources that belong to our children
Have you explored your relationship to the people who made your t-shirt
You should tell the store where you bought your t-shirt that they need to
charge more money for your t-shirt
28
‘They need to charge more money for your t-shirt so that the workers in the
factory in the nameless island where your t-shirt is made can afford to buy
milk for their children ~
I call my mom
But if I don’t buy the t-shirts then isn’t this just as bad for the people in the
factories
Tell me about that dream again where you are buried amid a pile of corpses
in the desert your city has become after its tallest buildings were obliterated
by foreigners with missile launchers
Did you hear the one about the tongue that couldn't stop licking everything
it saw
It’s hungry
And thirsty
Ax)
DREAM SONG #17
30
And Ifloated to the edge of the village
where someone prayed for my soul
in the daylight
The way the light shines on
31
THE PRIVATE WORLD
Did you hear the one about the man they found torched in a garbage can
The police shoved a gas-soaked gag in his mouth and lit a match
The psychiatrists came quickly to council the police officers who were
required to set the body on fire
They fed them the appropriate medications, soothed them with the
appropriate words, taught them the proper techniques to heal themselves so
that they might be able to survive their minds in the murmurs of the rotten
carcass economy
Are you haunted by the voices of the immigrants who suffocated in a truck
abandoned on the side of the Arizona highway?
oy
‘The driver locked them in the back and went off to have a few drinks at the
Bar of Good Fortune in Maricopa County
He didn’t mean to drink so much he passed out and left them in a truck with
no air or water
Oh well
Ugly people
Meet E
Stupid hair
It looked like all the other hair and the shooter thought it was J’s hair
Did you hear the one about the refugees who could make the bus stop
explode?
The refugees were waiting at the bus stop for the bus to transport them from
one detention center to another
33
They were from Mexico
They were from Rwanda, Iraq, Eritrea, Chicago, Detroit, Sudan, Guatemala,
El Salvador, Cuba, Kazakhstan, Syria, etc...
They were from my neighborhood and when they came to your neighborhood
their bodies appeared as fields of wheat in flames
A trick of the camera and now they are collapsing bridges that toss foreign
cars into an angry, salty ocean
They brought the refugees to the morgue and asked them to imagine their
faces on the bodies of birds
Their deaths will be easier if they can fly off in a certain direction
A belly said: They have privatized the forest, the clouds, the sky, the rocks, the
water, the trees, the bees, the flowers, the moon
A mouth said: The workers must defend against the privatization of everything ©
It spat bricks and when the bricks crashed against the sidewalk some little
bodies fell out of them
34
They were replicas of the bodies killed when the coal mine collapsed in
West Virginia, China, Colombia, Chile, South Africa, Utah, Bosnia, etc...
~
Their lungs were black and when you touched their coal-stained faces their
skin disappeared
A voice said: My bones were torn apart first by the police and then by the
revolutionaries
We sang to the bankers: We feel the need to blame someone for our
collective misery
Take these cubes of ice and rub each other cold as you make love in this
horrible vacuum
Brothers, it’s okay to set yourselves on fire, to mutilate your bodies in order
to protest what you don’t understand
There is a machine in my mouth that spits and eats and spits and eats and
spits and spits and eats
35
Cadavers, chickens, olives, Easter eggs, bones, blood, words, sand, teeth,
children, mountains, deserts, leaves, ghosts, sewers, rivers, mouths,
humiliations, calloused hands, sperm, bubbles, wind, blood, rain
It wants to melt your body to bleach your body to fry your body to hold your
body to redden your body to freeze your body to lick your body to know your
body to explode your body to birth your body to make you vomit and twist
into a night cursed with shame and fear
Sorry, sing the bankers to the proletariat, you don't really exist right now
By a full-scale overhaul
Of absolutely everything
36
DREAM SONG #423
Then I stepped out of the sea and into a bonfire on the beach
And the beach became a prairie and the prairie began to reproduce itself
For miles and miles we walked along the fence until we reached an abandoned
factory where the workers had all died from dehydration when the manager
told them they could no longer afford to have water
Too much time tomando agua, compadré, equal not enough time making
t-shirts
Not enough time making t-shirts, Shlomito, equal not enough money to pay
you, cabréncito
Not enough money to pay you equal the sidewalk, the park bench, the coyotes
banging your head against the side of the trunk
Sif
Dont need my feet, patroncito
Don’t need ojos cara pelo none of that shit they don’t let you torture at the
United Nations
These were the final words of the borderless body as it crumbled into the sand
I think there was a landscape and we put a curtain over it and the children
came running out when we pulled up the curtain and they jumped into
mountain #423
And they looked for their mothers and fathers but all they found were sheep
and goats and lepers
In the last verse we sang a song about the Statue of Liberty, the fastest
woman in all of Mexico
I love her rusted body sing the pornographers and the doctors
I love her reverie, her darkness, her malleability, sing the professors
I love her, sings the poet, because she reminds me of my mother and my
mother reminds me of myself and I remind myself of my father and all the
mouths he needs to feed
38
I hate living Ido nothing
I love deserts and cacti and the infinite tunnels where my dreamsong turns
into a bloodsong splattered from 4 mouth into a puddle of exploding
ventricles, pussed-up pasaportes and hypnotized halos of light
39
MEMORIES OF MY OVERDEVELOPMENT
There was a time when I wore a suit and tie to pick my mother up at
the airport
We waited near the runway and waved at the planes as they took off into
the sky
We lived in the tropics but we wore fur hats and wool suits and on the
bus the ladies looked glamorous as they wrapped their heads in scarves like
Jackie Kennedy
Let me show you everything in my room: here is a cage with two tweeting
birds, here is a vanity table, a bed with my various white shirts and dark coats
stretched across it
I look out the window and into the sea and compose a suicide note on
my typewriter
40
Instead I write everything, blame everyone from my father to my wife to
my sixth grade soccer coach who cut me from the team to Mr. Valtzer my
seventh grade teacher who picked me up by my tie and shoved me against
the wall to Mr. Baylin the English teacher who used to stick his hands in
my pants to tuck my shirt in and his fingers would linger far too long on my
ass to Benny who I accidentally knocked over in the 9th grade and who got
a concussion and who could not speak for six weeks to the therapist who
told me that I was afraid of every emotion in the universe to the girl who
broke my heart in college because I was too stupid to understand I was not
supposed to call her the day after she kissed me or the next day or the next
day and to the doctor who nearly operated on my penis in order to fulfill his
monthly quota of operations
I take a break from my suicide note and drink coffee and smoke a cigarette
and eat hard tasteless bread with butter in my undershirt
I step out onto the balcony and look through my binoculars and the city
looks like the same thing every day
It’s a city of cardboard and everyone inside of it wants to float until they land
in the wastewater treatment plant of a new nation, some other dream inside
of some other body
The bodega stayed the same and the skyline stayed the same and the sea
stayed the same and my relationship to the void stayed always and impossibly
the same while I kept moving from one world to another
Who was the beast I dropped over the balcony and onto the sidewalk as I
yawned and thought about all the disasters occurring inside my body
41
Oh I like to see you struggle: between decadence and virility, between virility
and femininity, between masculinity and clairvoyance, between godlessness
and transparency
I wear my wife’s lipstick as Iput on my white shirt and tie and slick back my
hair in the style of every other man in every other city in every other office in
every other corner of this stupid fucking world
Natural beauty, I write on the mirror with the lipstick, is not nearly as good
as artificial beauty
I slip on your pantyhose, love, I slip on your panties, I wear your lipstick as I
put on my white shirt and grey tie and set out to destroy myself once more in
this city that is like a staircase that winds up my body, a staircase that starts in
my toes and slips up my leg and through my groin and through my intestines
and up my neck and I vomit it out into the cage where you lock me up when
you need to use me for the replaceable services I provide
Oh it feels so cool to stick these pantyhose over my face. Is this the right
word, pantyhose?
I don't know the right words for the things you put on your body
I slip your pantyhose over my face and stare at myself in the mirror, at my
contorted nose and I am like the Golem of Prague onlyI live in the tropics
42
which are in the middle of a crumbling Midwestern city where I will be
buried under a mountain of ice
I have nothing to do except look into the eyes of people who do not love me
I have nothing to do I want to suffocate myself in the most painless way possible
Since they burned down the department stores, Chicago looks like an
atrophied little village in a province
Loneliness fills you with the desire for people to tell you how to live your life
Love, on the other hand, fills you with the desire for everyone to see you
living your life
We went to the store to buy coffee and there were so many types of coffee I
wanted to beat the crap out of the guy who insisted I hear the story of every
type of coffee, where it was roasted, how it was roasted, was it locally roasted
or was it roasted in Italy, what flavors was it infused with, so many stupid
fucking questions about the coffee that it was almost impossible to believe
that just a few days before I had been in a city where there was no coffee
18,000 children die every day because of hunger and malnutrition and 850
million people go to bed every night with empty stomachs
43
Here we eat flesh we splash around in buckets of milk we slurp up intestines
we salivate over raw meat encased in the tubing of a sausage
Sometimes we laugh when we see them starving in their cages and sometimes
we bring them little nibs of salamis and sometimes we bring them the
horrendous crackers you wanted me to have a whole bag of the first day I
visited your city
I doused them in jam so as to forget that this was your life: a bag of tasteless
crackers you were actually excited about
His chin sunk into your chest and he begged your body to shake him out of
his flesh so he could move more swiftly from deathfulness to lifefulness
To be alive is a spiritual mission in which you must get from birth to death
without killing yourself
It’s not my fault that you are sick and you are dying because I am also sick
and I am also dying
44
And unlike you my ignorance keeps me from being implicated in the system
in which I am involucrated
I could list all the ways I might possibly die but it would be more useful
to spend the time telling you that it is not my fault that your life is so
fucking miserable
And there is no one here to make my life feel any less mediocre than it
already is
But instead I pay someone to wipe the dust from my bookshelves and tables
You die because you have failed to install the necessary equipment in your body
You die because you are a counter-revolutionary stuck in the body of an angel
You live because it’s too hard to not survive the torture and the interrogation
First your feet start to live, then your legs starts to live, then your hands and
arms and mouth and groin and the whole stinking body decides that it will
refuse to die
45
You can't get back your body anymore
You have sacrificed it to the gurgles, the murmurs, the mountains of foam
and dirt
You are the god of hunger in a cage that grows as you get smaller
There are 400 mutilated bodies that destroy my sleep, little Billy
It’s time, Little Billy, to drink the warm purple milk they sell at Target
46
The sales clerk from Target pisses all over our purple bodies
She takes a belt from the men’s wear fot and ties it around my neck
The mouth in the mouth in the mouth in the mouth in the mouth in the
mouth in the mouth in the mouth in the mouth in the mouth of your rotten,
carcass mouth, Juanita
47
EAT NOTHING
It was a tube and clear and plastic and they shoved it into the nose or the
stomach or the bowel
Or they placed it directly into the skin and there was a bright light overhead
I don't like to put things in my mouth when you talk to me this way
48
The device in my body passes through the posterior mediastinum in my
thorax and enters my abdomen through a hole in my diaphragm at the level
of the tenth thoracic vertebra
There are forty-seven women strapped to chairs that recline when a button
is pushed
They squeeze open lips and sing a song about gastric obstructions and
psychiatric disorders diagnosed against a lady’s consent
When your bowels open, my love, when you think too much about the
pharynx: this makes me feel so alone
You know: you always have an alternative means of exercising your right
to expression
49
Look, love, often people don't really know what they want
They can see an end, but it’s not the right end
This is a song about what it feels like when you touch me this way
If they say you can stick things in his body that he doesn’t want in his body
then you must not say we cannot stick things in his body because there are
just too many people who love him
My love, says the authoritative body, you must realize that if I slice off your
hand in an act of ungovernable aggression it doesn't mean I don't love you -
50
THE PRIVATIZED WATERS OF DAWN
There are holes in my arm and the appraisers put their cigarettes in them
51
They just jam them into my arm
It is weightless
There are eyes floating in the air and the river won't stop exploding
I cried into the water and I thought about a note I needed to send to
my parents
I needed to tell them that if I died in the water, if I died in the warehouse, if
I died in the mud, if I died at the hands of the appraisers, there were some
things I needed them to do
I could not sleep the night before my appointment to be deposited into the
private sector
52
I stared out my bedroom window at 3 AM ona night I could not sleep
And from my window I watched the police pull a young man out of a
black sedan
He was gangly and underfed and they asked him to a walk a straight line
Because you're a decrepit, public body, the police officer said, and you do not
own yourself anymore
53
And the starving driver did the twenty pushups as gracefully as he could
I hid behind the blinds and I wanted to send a signal to the man who was
being made to exert himself, to let him know that from here on out every
institution he enters is going to be harsh, austere, inflexible
I went back to bed knowing they would put him in the privatized jail cell
where he would wake up shrouded in a horrible halo of light
Do you speak English? Do you eat meat? Do you rub meat on your body?
Do you own your own body? Do you like to eat raw organ with me? Do you
like your organ maggoty? Do you want to know how you can get to the other
side of the river?
A dog with two heads was on its tongue and so was a newborn baby and the
baby screamed:
The mouth said: Your city has disappeared, what are you still doing here?
54
I said: I work for the city. I was responsible for alpine the youth with
degrees of economic value
NowI squirm with the other bodies and together we sleep and squirm in the
giant bathtubs they cage us in and we do not belong to ourselves
When we are dry we swap bits of clothing, wrinkled up rags, and we warm
ourselves in towels filled with our partners’ sweat and dirt
They sink their feet into our mouths when we talk to them
The poet-boot kicks one of my teeth and I feel it fall into my mouth
I swallow my tooth and wash it down with the bath water I’ve been sleeping
in for the last few days
They take away the sewers and the beaches and the river and the trees and
the birds and the cats and the raccoons and the garbage
55
And as usual I watch from the bathtub of dawn until someone one comes to
conduct the daily appraisal of my body
I cost much less than my historical value and the bank has no choice but to
deny the loan I-need in order to buy myself back
My deflationary wounds
My privatized blood
56
ARCHIVE
(for Valerie Mejer)
We say that in this country the mouth and the lips rent the present tense to
the humans who rummage through the garbage in the bodies of the ghosts:
the brothers who carry syrup and blood in their cheeks the crazeddeer a
thick, grey liquid escapes through their teeth the love we look for what a
shame to not be able to touch the soul in its hair in its cadaver in the central
orifice of its iris
And the ghosts rise from the wet grass into a blood-filled night a howling
night a night of coronary arteries exploding in a painting in a mouth
in a country in a city flooded with garbage and the radiant blood shining
forming a layer of paint on the squirrels’ fur the urban skunks _the
coyotes calmly walking through the streets of our city that no longer has any
public employees
Su
Living here compadre is a death rattle a blow detonating the tongues the
teeth the bones of the middle ear the vestibular canals the nerve fibers the
tiny hairs....Living in this country is an infection an accumulation of liquid
in a cavity eternally producing swelling in the membrane of the ear drum,
serous secretion in the external part....
We say the sky over this country is a liquid dripping from your mouth and
the night is a minuscule explosion in your eyes
We say the sky is a night hiding itself in the leaves of the trees covered in the
history of our people’s violence
In the fever of
A suicide who climbs a bridge and looks down and his eyes fix on the blood
that flows from the right ventricle through the pulmonary artery
58
And the river is crushed to pieces and a kidney rises from the floor of
the river
Yes:asun dissolves inthe face inthe eyes in the lips of the suicidal sky
And in this book that is a country deposited not in your heart but in your
mouth where all your teeth sing as if they were not constantly checking up
on the suicidal prisoners
Silence #1
Day #84.39a: the water reappears and rises up to the airplanes that carry
bodies and books to the perfect spot for them to fall and fall through an
inverted sky
And these bodies belong to the terrorist group that’s called: humanity
A humanity with its map of dust that forms a secret that is a wave that is a
tongue sinking into ashoulder a back where all of the secrets are countries
traversed by lungs bycanals _ by salt-lagoons trumpeting dawn
And dawn is the border between civilization “X” and civilization “Z”
And on each side of the border they construct tongues covered in sand — in
desire in a sinuous nostalgia
Do
And the tongues lick up the border _they get lost in the glass in the wind in
a field sown with wheat with ambassadors of the paths that split me up into
unmistakable statistics...
Forced silence #2
Children, listen well: if we would have been tulips (in English) if we would
have been countries burning up on the borders of our ribs
If that’s what we would have been then the question you pose would be
inevitable
Calm down, sister...deep breath and don't swallow the seeds of our
inexhaustible invisibility
In its granular bones those fibrous bones _in that nothing silenced by a
green poison malicious infectious
Unfortunately: I exist
How can it be that there are people who know nothing of the blows of life
60
My love collects invisible stones that are pinholes that are excavated
territories on a beach _ oma land that belongs to none of the countries of
thirst in your desiccated skin
Forced silence #8
Tm old
In short: the space where silence is a dawn of blood that really enjoys its
exiled existence
Silence #4
She says: I'd rather walk and walk and not think
She says: The broken light over the buildings makes me want to vomit
The light that allows-us to see untermenschen in the letters of a note that can
only be written in your skin
Interminable silence #2
61
OBLIGED TO PERFORM IN DARKNESS
62
Scrambling, popping in oil, splattering
Mommy who thinks eggs are a delicacy
But my body is contagious
My lips are pussed-up little blisters
Infection crawls up my leg and into my knee
I don’t have a knee
I’m a dead man clawing at dead grass in a pop song with a snappy rhythm
Cats paw at my body, kick it around like a rubber toy
When you practice using chopsticks, you practice inside of me
How far do you pull my tongue
There is no water inside my lips
You prove this when you pry them open
I slump by a window in a house in a cage in a forest in a pan full of frying eggs
Checking boxes to indicate my identity
Herniated spleen, check
Crushed ribs, check
Latino, Male, Jewish, Caucasian
Check, check, check, check
This elbow
It is not on my body
It is in your skull, which is in my eyeball
They command you to lick my eyeballs but you are afraid
Throw these bodies parts in a baggie, they sing
Tomorrow you will scoop out some brains
They beat me for scooping out the wrong brains
‘These are not your brains, they say
The brains to scoop out are your own
63
THE BROKEN TESTIMONY
A nervous tap
You write:
64
I had a body once but then you made it illegal
And when you open the box you pull out a ticking clock and say this is
your country
It is my nation, I say
And I say that I don’t say anything but I can never stop writing
And you say it was your nation when our bodies were ravaged and you sit me
in front of a window
This was how I learned to kiss, from studying this scene, and I focmines
quoting the hands, the eyes, the lips
65
Which is to say,Istart writing
The performance keeps playing itself backwards, and in the present tense
Helicopters circle above the crime scene, searching the woods for the fev ren
The body of the boy who has blown off his own head
66
Ravishment and silence and ravishment and word and the writing continues
amid the boom of the beat behind us and it is always and inevitably about me
You see: -
‘There was no one left in the village except for one man who witnessed every
resident get murdered by the police
Meet Eduardo
He thinks that at any moment the dead bodies of his neighbors will awaken
and stab him in the neck with a machete or an ice pick,
He thinks
Down, down, into a world of shrieking cadavers who look just like me
67
I dreamwrite that each tongue in my mouth is a member of the proletariat
and they are destroying themselves with their horrible licks
The best dictators don’t kill their subjects rather they make their subjects kill
each other
But it is fair to ask of a person just what they want from you
And it is fair to say that he did not want me until he saw that I was wanted
by someone else
And it is fair to assume that I did not want myself until 1 saw that someone
else wanted me
And it is neither fair nor unfair that each of our bodies is sinking in the tar
to the beat of a traditional song in which the speaker is ravaged as much by
love as by its absence
Dead dog barking in the bushes to the beat of this beautiful song
Dead girl screaming in the shrubs to the beat of this beautiful song
Dead writing screaming from the page to the beat of this beautiful song
And you look up at me from the screaming page and I see your face falling
from your sunken body |
You are jammed into the street in a tar pit on a flaming August day
68
This is on Montrose Avenue on the North Side of Chicago
Your mutilated body is jammed into a tar pit in the middle of this busy
street now empty except for a few scavengers searching for their lost bodies
You, tarred into the pavement, on your back in the tar, looking up at me
Me, tarred into your body, looking down, to the beat, permanently in |
your eyes
A glob of tar on your cheek and a glob of tar on my cheek and our faces stick
together and the helicopter lights shine down on us
Take us to Kindred Hospital on Montrose Avenue, you say, to the beat of the
hovering scavengers a few blocks east of California Avenue
He takes the shovel and tries to pry apart our faces but they are stuck together
and we cannot move and the end of his shovel is caught between my cheek
and your cheek
My face {to the beat} relational to your face {to the beat} relational to the tar
that holds us together relational to the tar that binds you to the earth
69
Or:
The broken testimony of the broken beat in the broken rhythm of the
crumbling excess of my broken mouth and my broken face in the crumbling
cadaver of this night
70
THE DEVOURING ECONOMY OF NATURE
He ran through the party that was thrown to celebrate the hanging of the
other body; he trampled cold chicken and biscuits.
Or:
Or:
71
I refuse to write the middle of the story.
Did you hear the one about the immigrant laborer who was run over by the
tractor? In his pocket was a photograph of his cousin Ewa, a 13-year-old
in a refugee camp in another country. As the tractor ran him over, he kept
shouting to his fellow workers: Please, somebody, marry Ewa. Somebody!
Marry! Ewa!
And to mourn the death of the mutilated workers the children sang a song
called “Other People’s Bodies.”
There was a dance routine that involved hand motions and little hops and the
thrusting of booties in and out.
Or:
iP
A barbarian and an economist walk into a bar.
I dreamt we were in a swimming pool and you were swimming towards me.
I was sitting on the wall and when you got to the wall the wall dissolved into
the water and the pool stretched out endlessly and there were hundreds of
children swimming in the pool and they were looking for their parents. There
were men in orange wet suits painting lines throughout the water. Over the
water, really. And the lines were different colors and they stuck to the surface
of the water and we understood that certain colors meant certain things.
And you picked up a drowning child and said: Here is a small piece of data.
I wont’ tell you what this data means in relation to the other data that will
determine the relationship between your desire to eat the children and the
future prosperity of the nation.
There is something frozen here. I see you standing in front of the pool and
I know that the you who is standing there is the you who has uttered this
sentence so many times before. When you spit out the sentence they will say
that it did not come from your mouth, that it came from the mouth of the
person who was performing this act of being you.
In other words, linguistic theory opens the door to the possibility that we are
not ethically responsible for our actions.
Even if money doesn't exist, there will always be an audience for economists.
And they take the water from the river and put it in the back of several
trucks. And from the dried up river there emerges a country. And in the
73
country there are children who have been invented by people who made
money in things that do not actually exist...
And they don’t say: Why are you taking the water from the river?
And they don’t think: Why are you shaving the fur from the bodies of
our dogs?
Do you want to see what you look like, the photographer says to the children.
The children look at their images without recognition, stuck as they are in
the fantasy life of the economists.
The doctor says, Yes, in Illinois we love a war between states, across borders
both real and imagined.
Or:
Did you hear the one about the boy who was thrown into the fire?
74
His charred meat was hacked up with a cleaver and fed to dogs while his
parents watched from a cage.
The economist, formerly of the working class, only got married so that
he could demonstrate that it was possible for a ‘kid like me’ to move into
high society.
75
LAKE MICHIGAN MERGES
INTO THE BAY OF VALPARAISO, CHILE
the reasons for which our blood is drawn in the prison camps of Lake
Michigan are not communicated to us
the reasons for which we are imprisoned are also not communicated to us
it is often said on the shores of Lake Michigan, which is the Bay of Valparaiso,
that we will die for reasons we do not understand
76
we do not understand why the authoritative bodies don’t sweep the carcasses
of the dead pets and washed up animals off the beaches on which we walk
and sleep
at times they tell us to probe each other with forceps, needles, and
wooden skewers
at times they force us to force each other to drink dirty purple milk and to
eat rotten bread and vegetables
at times they tell us to stick juicy oranges into each other’s mouths -
at times they tell us to kick each other and call each other offensive names
at times they say: pretend you are an immigrant and hiss for us
77
at times they say: pretend you are not an immigrant and speak as if you are
not a communist
or they say: pretend you are a machine and that you do not have a soul
or they say: you are nothing more than a piece of data to be aggregated, to be
disaggregated, to be sliced and diced into the most minute units so that we
can understand how the body and the city and the nation whir and wallow
and tick
or they say: you are a human machine and you must explode
and they say: you have shame in your eyeballs, you have love in our eyeballs,
you have pain in your dimples, you have guilt in your mouth, abjection in
your lips, joy in your nostrils, anger in your cheekbones, love in the bags
under your eyes, passion in your eyebrows, fear in your chin, disgust in your
forehead, disaster and promise and despair in the furrows of your face and in
the murmuring economies on your rotten carcass tongue
78
LAKE MICHIGAN, SCENE #X1C290.341AB3DY
An authoritative body with a gun wears a leather jacket that says “Policia” on
the back of it
Hola mira estamos en el centro del mundo no me gusta estar tan conectado a la
tierra prefiero viajar por el espacio sideral los planetas las estrellas
7
me voy a Chicago me voy a Jupiter me a voy Saturno
vamos a Chicago es mucho mds facil que nos maten 0 que matemos 0 que liberemos
nuestras almas de nuestros cuerpos 0 vice-fooking-versa
PUNTO
PERIOD
-Yes, Hi
See it’s hard being in the center of the country being in the center of the
country it’s a bit like being in the center of the universe I'd rather be in outer
space moving through planets and stars oh Earth you are so boring not like
on Saturn or Jupiter or the moon brothers and sisters and earthlings let us go
to Chicago it’s so much easier to be killed there or to kill or to free our souls
from our bodies I mean our bodies from our souls...
Did you hear the one about the military gang that called the mayor in the
middle of the night demanding money to save his daughter?
A girl’s voice could be heard on the other end, gagged and muffled
But ha ha ha the mayor knew better: his daughter was not at home, she was
vacationing on Lake Geneva on the southern tip of Wisconsin
The criminals were arrested after the location of their cellular phones was
detected through sophisticated satellite software
The criminals went to jail where they molded forever and ever
80
2
The authoritative bodies screen films at_night in the prison camps on the
beaches at the northern end of Chicago
‘There’s one they project on Sundays on the outer wall of the prison
We sit on the sand and watch it under the mist and moon
‘The authoritative bodies tell us to laugh and when we don't laugh they beat us
She has paid a smuggler $6200 to help her cross the border and when she
makes it into Arizona her family members will have to pay more money to
finish the deal
There she is in a cell crammed wall-to-wall with other people who have paid
thousands of dollars and are now stuck in an airless shack until the smugglers
decide it’s okay to leave
The sun rises and now she is walking through the desert
81
Overhead shot of barrel cacti, brittlebush, chain fruit cholla, Joshua trees,
jumping chollas, Mojave aster, soaptree yucca, prickly pear cacti
The immigrants in the film are weak, hungry, barely able to move
But just as you think they are going to collapse from dehydration, together
they start to sing:
And their smugglers are arrested and forced to return the thousands of
dollars they have taken from them
82
The immigrants fly and fly across the desert until they land in the middle
of a cosmopolitan city where a handsome, kind bureaucrat takes them to a
hotel where they are given a warm bed and bath for the night; a few hundred
dollars to get to their next location; the appropriate documents so that they
can work and have health care
‘They are welcomed by the bureaucrats with gratitude, joy, and compassion
And as we watch the film they make us sing on the beaches of Lake Michigan:
And we sing as loud as we can so that they can hear us on the prison ships a
half mile off the coast
Hay que bonito es volar, ala 2 de la manana, a la 2 de la manana, hay que bonito
es volar ay mama
And tonight as we watch our brothers and sisters flying across the desert
there are no machetes
83
THE MOUNTAIN AT THE END OF THIS BOOK
The politics of the mountain render invisible the paths of dogshit and
horseshit and human shit that crisscross the mountain.
To leave the mountain, you need a good reason to not want to be dead.
This mountain appears in every bookI have ever written. Sorry if you were
expecting something new.
But you are not the city, sing the bodies to the police who bury them.
The self in the story is equivalent to the period at the end of this sentence,
which is equivalent to the dying bodies who refuse to fall off the top of
the mountain.
They dump the bodies at the base of city hall and the administrators from
84
the Board of Education dig through their dead pockets and steal coins,
identification cards, pencils, notebooks, and blood.
And they drill the body of a sunken child into the side of the wooden
mountain.
And they take a fallen bird and nail it to the wooden wall they have drilled
into the body of a sunken child.
Last night on the mountain at 1:41 AM body A shot body B then body C.
shot body B and bodies D and E dumped the bodies of A and B and C at
the foot of the mountain then 350,000 displaced children came to sing them
songs of beauty, glory, and love.
‘There is a beat that runs through the mountain and the boarded-up walls of
the broken building where they sent us when we were wards of the state and
they loved us.
This mountain is the last breath of this bedtime story for the end of the world.
And the bureaucrats allocate $643,000 so that in the next narrative we will
become other than what we are, other than what we think we are, other than
what they think we are, other than what they know us to be.
We want you to become other than what you are, chant the bureaucrats.
85
We are convinced that you will be most like yourselves when you become
other than what you are, chant the bureaucrats.
And they pay us and they love us and they beat us.
And they pay us and they love us and they beat us until we stop climbing this
insufferable mountain.
Feel the mud filling our mouths with sludge and worms and bubbling foam.
Stop, now, in the middle of this sentence and pretend it’s not here.
86
And I say: I will love you, and never again.
We do not know how to read the mountain without love yet we transpose a
city on top of it and fill it with our dreams and fears.
Children with florescent lights in their bodies, children with worms in their
mouths and ears sink into the tar pits on the mountain in this bedtime story
for the end of the world.
There are body bags and 350,000 children in the streets leading up to
this mountain.
I hear the suffocated cries of a falling body sinking into the middle of the
street and shouting: This is not my city, these are not my streets. This is not
my mountain.
The bodies of the neighborhood children are collected and tossed onto the
base of the mountain that has emerged out of the sinking flatness.
Ramon, Marcus, Sammy, David, Gilberto (we are with you in your rock lands).
‘The boys are in the mountain and there is something foaming around them.
There are brick stairs surrounding the mountain and over the bricks are
barbed wires and over the barbed wires there is ivy.
The barbed wires are to prevent people from climbing onto the mountain to
commune with the bodies they love.
Thousands of slain bodies piled at the base of the mountain that the
administrators have constructed in order for us to believe in the possibility
of our bodies.
87
It’s about my desire to sleep, forever, in the sinking commune of your rotten
carcass mouth.
On the mountain, my body looks better when it is filled with other bodies.
And the valleys look better when they are filled with other valleys.
On the mountain, the poets lunge and growl and snort and belch.
They spit natural selection poems out of their eyes. Ethnic avant-garde
poems drop from their prickly mouths.
The poets on the mountain have barricaded my body and I will spend eternity
trying to pry the wood from my flesh.
I look down into this mountain of gyrating bodies and sing a peaceful song
about austerity and the privatization of our form and content.
88
At the base of the mountain there are frugal bureaucrat-poets making love
in mud houses that float in sewers.
Come find us, they write on the sweaty glass, as they disappear into the
bubbling mud.
89
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DaniEL BoRZUTZKY’s The Performance of
Becoming Human won the 2016 National Book
Award in Poetry. His books and chapbooks
include, among others, In the Murmurs of the Rotten
Carcass Economy (2015), Bedtime Stories for the
End of the World! (2015), Data Bodies (2013), The
Book of Interfering Bodies (2011), and The Ecstasy
of Capitulation (2007). He has translated. Galo
Ghigliotto’s Valdivia (2016), Raul Zurita’s The
Country ofPlanks (2015) and Song for his Disappeared
Love (2010), and Jaime Luis Huentn’s Port
Trak/ (2008). His work has been supported by the
Illinois Arts Council, the National Endowment for
the Arts, and the Pen/Heim Translation Fund. He
lives in Chicago.
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Praise for Daniel Borzutzky
“Like any good satirist, Borzutzky considers his subjectivity with the same
lens he applies to the systems he critiques, and The Performance of Becoming
Human is an apogee of that inquiry. Since The Book ofInterfering Bodies, Daniel
Borzutzky has been the fabulist we most need because he’s unafraid to detail
the truth of our oligarchy, without pedantry. In his figurative world our bedies
are forced through privatized meat grinders, but funnily in the way that all dark
horror stories trigger our gallows humor. I’m thrilled every time Borzutzky brings
a book in the world, learn the most about reality from him.”
:: Carmen Giménez Smith ::
“In this canticle for the age of listicles, Daniel Borzutzky performs a new political
poetry in the crucible of “overdevelopment,” when “The city has disappeared
into the privatized cellar of humanity.” Here, the socially engaged bro-poet is
mercifully broken, relieved of his epic monumentality, and with it of a range
of foundational fictions (nation/family/language/subject), leaving behind these
eut-cantos (songs/fragments), detestimonios of a spectral self, at once buzz-fed
and cankerously/cantankerously embodied. (You can’t spell “Neruda” without
“nerd” and Canto General never rocked “The Gross and Borderless Body.”) The
ugly majesty of these prose blocks echoes the windswept expanses of neoliberal
Chile and Chicago, their dead and their debt, their surrender and struggle. To
read “this book that is a country deposited not in your heart but in your mouth”
-is to confront becoming human as speech act, as language game, and to know
the freedom and the terror of doing so. The painbeauty of Borzutzky’s virtuoso,
multi-register flow (abject punchlines included) is also a counter-flow to the
death drive of capital, sentences for a radical sentience.”
: :: Urayoan Noel ::
Daniel Borzutzky’s The Performance of Becoming Human won the 2016 National
Book Award in Poetry. His books and chapbooks include, among others, Jn the
Murmurs of the Rotten Carcass Economy (2015), Bedtime Stories for the End of
the World! (2015), Data Bodies (2013), The Book of Interfering Bodies (2011),
and The Ecstasy of Capitulation (2007). He has translated Galo Ghigliotto’s
Valdivia (2016), Ratl Zurita’s The Country of Planks (2015) and-Song for his
Disappeared Love (2010), and Jaime Luis Huentin’s Port Trakl (2008). His work
has been supported by the Illinois Arts Council, the National Endowment for the
Arts, and the Pen/Heim Translation Fund. He lives in Chicago.
Poetry / $18