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 CONTENTS

Preface
Acknowledgments
About the Authors
Introduction: The Five-Step Program

STEP 1 Set Up Your Study Program

1 What You Need to Know About the AP European
History Exam
Background Information
Frequently Asked Questions About the AP European
History Exam
2 Determine Your Test Readiness
Three Approaches to Preparing for AP Exams
Detailed Calendar for Each Plan
Setting Up a Study Group

STEP 2 Understand the Skills That Will Be

Tested
3 The Ways Historians Think
Introduction
Reasoning Chronologically
Putting Information in Context
Arguing from Evidence
Developing Your Historical Thinking Skills
Rapid Review
 4 Take a Diagnostic Exam
AP European History Diagnostic Exam Answer
Sheet
Section I, Part A: Multiple-Choice Questions
Section I, Part B: Short-Answer Questions
Section II, Part A: Document-Based Question (DBQ)
Section II, Part B: Long-Essay Question
Answers and Explanations

STEP 3 Develop Strategies for Success

5 The Multiple-Choice Questions
Introduction
Passive Knowledge and the Process of Elimination
Putting Your Historical Thinking Skills to Use
About Guessing
Further Practice with Multiple-Choice Questions
6 The Short-Answer Questions
Introduction
Putting Your Knowledge and Historical Thinking Skills to
Use
Further Practice with Short-Answer Questions
7 The Document-Based Question (DBQ)
Introduction
The High-Quality History Essay
Five Steps for Creating an Outline for Your Essay
Characteristics of the Document-Based Question (DBQ)
Applying the Principles of the High-Quality History Essay
to the Document-Based Question (DBQ)
Scoring the Document-Based Question (DBQ)
Further Practice for the Document-Based Question
(DBQ)
8 The Long-Essay Question
 Introduction
Choosing Your Topic
Applying the Five Steps to a High-Quality History Essay
Scoring of the Essays
Further Practice for the Long-Essay Question

STEP 4 Review the Knowledge You Need to

Score High
9 Major Themes of Modern European History
Introduction
Interaction of Europe and the World
Changes in Wealth and Who Had It
Changes in Knowledge Systems and Worldview
Changes in Society and Its Institutions
The Individual and Society
National and European Identity
The Organization of the AP Course into Units
10 From the Middle Ages to the Renaissance
Further Resources
11 The Challenge of the Renaissance
Introduction
Italian Society of the Renaissance
Renaissance Values
Artistic Achievement of the Renaissance
The Renaissance and Scientific Advancements
The Spread of the Renaissance
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
12 The Reformation and the Fracturing of
Christianity
 Introduction
The Need for a Religious Reformation
The Lutheran Revolt
Creation and Spread of the Protestant Movement
The English Reformation
Reformation in Eastern Europe
Calvin and Calvinism
Social Dimensions and the Radical Reformation
The Catholic Response
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
13 The Great Voyages of Exploration and Early
Colonization
Introduction
Exploration and Expansion
The Spanish Empire in the New World
England, France, and the Triangular Trade Networks
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
14 Economic Change and Political Consolidation
Introduction
Economic Stress and Change
Thirty Years’ War
Britain: The Rise of Parliament
France: The Construction of a State
Central and Eastern Europe: Compromise
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
15 Economic Change and the Expansion of the State
 Introduction
Great Britain: The Triumph of Constitutionalism
France: The Triumph of Absolutism
Russia: Tsarist Absolutism
Breaking the Traditional Cycle of Population and
Productivity
Market-Oriented Agriculture
Rural Manufacturing
Technical Innovations in Agriculture and Manufacturing
Eastern Ambition
War and Diplomacy
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
16 The Rise of Natural Philosophy, Scientific
Revolution, and the Enlightenment
Introduction
The Traditional View of the Cosmos
Alternative Traditions of Knowledge Before the Scientific
Revolution
Development of New Institutions
The Rise of Copernicanism
Kepler’s Laws
Galileo and the Value of Empirical Knowledge
Advances in Anatomy, Physiology, and Medicine
Contributions of Women During the Scientific Revolution
Cartesian Skepticism and Deductive Reasoning
The Enlightenment
The Triumph of Newtonian Science
New Ideas About Natural Law, Human Nature, and
Society
New Political Ideas
The Philosophes and Enlightened Despotism
 Salons and Lodges
Skepticism, Religion, and Social Criticism
The Arts in the Enlightenment
The Radical Enlightenment
The Other Enlightenment
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
17 The French Revolution and Empire
Introduction
The Ancien Régime in Crisis
The Moderate Phase of the French Revolution (1789–
1791)
The Radical Phase of the French Revolution (1791–
1794)
The Final Phase of the French Revolution: Thermidor
and the Rise of Napoleon (1794–1799)
Post-Revolutionary France and the Napoleonic Code
Napoleon’s Empire
The Decline and Fall of Napoleon and His Empire
Restoration
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
18 The Industrial Revolution
Introduction
The Industrial Revolution Begins in Great Britain
The Factory System and the Division of Labor
Iron and Steel
New Sources of Power
The Railway Boom
The Reciprocal Nature of Heavy Industry
 The Spread of Industrialization
Social Effects of Industrialization
Second Industrial Revolution
Science in an Industrial Age
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
19 Cultural Responses to Revolution and
Industrialization
Introduction
Political Ideologies in the Nineteenth Century
Cultural Ideologies in the Nineteenth Century
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
20 Mass Politics and Nationalism
Introduction
Nationalism and State-Building
The Triumph of Conservative Nationalism
The Unification of Italy
The Unification of Germany
Mass Politics and Nationalism in the Habsburg Empire
Mass Politics and Nationalism in France
Mass Politics and Nationalism in Russia
Mass Politics and Nationalism in Great Britain
Review Questions
Rapid Review
Further Resources
21 Mass Politics and Imperialism
Introduction
Causes of the New Imperialism
The Scramble for Africa
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 CHAPTER VII.
After Mr Darnley the elder had finished his unpleasant colloquy
with his son, and had seen his daughters walk out together; though
at the time he had not any suspicion of their intentions, yet he
began to be suspicious that some intercourse might be carried on
thus clandestinely with the prohibited fair one of Smatterton. He
then sought for his son, whom he found in the dining-room with a
book spread open before him, but apparently little occupied with the
contents of the volume. With a dry and careless air, the father
addressed the young man:
“Where are your sisters, Robert?”
“They are gone out to take their morning’s walk, sir,” replied the
son.
“And where are they gone?” said the elder gentleman, with
greater emphasis and asperity than was usual with him.
To an interrogation thus suspiciously addressed to him, the young
gentleman did not feel inclined to give a very explicit and
satisfactory answer. There is frequently a great difficulty in managing
replies to some questions, which force, as it were, an unpleasant
answer, or an untruth. It is hard and ungenerous to ask such
questions, and when people of any delicacy of feeling find that they
have by any unintentional impertinence proposed a question of this
nature, they will immediately, and with as good a grace as possible,
waive pressing for an answer. But in the present case, the question
was put for the very express purpose of extorting reluctant
information. And the younger Darnley did not feel himself at all
inclined to give an answer, or to tell a falsehood. He therefore
remained silent and looked again upon his book, considering that the
recent discussion between himself and his father was sufficient to
account for a little sulkiness and gloom.
The father became now more suspicious, and he repeated his
question with greater earnestness, and he said in an angry tone, “I
ask you, Sir, where your sisters are gone. Why do you not answer
me?”
Then the young man was angry in his turn, and he replied, “I am
not in the habit, Sir, of interrogating my sisters as to the direction in
which they may please to walk.”
Now as Mr Darnley the elder was not quite so much aware of the
angriness of his own tones as he was of the sharpness of the
answer, his suspicions were still farther corroborated, and he said,
“You know that they are gone to Smatterton.”
Robert Darnley was again silent, and though his father repeated
the assertion in a variety of modes, he gave no answer to it. Mr
Darnley the elder, then in a most angry mood, set out to walk to
Smatterton, that he might convince himself of the truth of his
suspicions.
In the course of his walk, Mr Darnley was interrupted and delayed
by meeting with Sir George Aimwell and Colonel Crop. People who
are not mightily gifted with any great flow of words are sometimes
as tedious as professed and notorious praters. For though they do
not convey much information, and do not utter any great quantity of
words, yet if they have not much to do, and are at a loss for the
passing of their time, they will sometimes stand dribbling out
monosyllables for half an hour together and more too. Thus did the
two troublesome ones above named most mercilessly and
remorselessly pounce on the rector of Neverden.
The baronet and the colonel were on foot, walking slowly in a
direction opposite to that in which the rector was walking. When the
clergyman saw the two gentlemen, he felt himself necessitated to
lay aside the frowning look of the angry father, and to assume a
more gracious and courtier-like smile. And when the two
distinguished characters met the reverend gentleman bearing smiles
upon his countenance, which smiles were manifestly designed to
signify how great was the delight which he felt in meeting the said
gentlemen, they could not of course for a moment imagine that he
should be very glad to part with those whom he appeared so happy
to meet.
Therefore the unpaid and the half-paid made at the rector, what is
called a dead set. They fairly and completely stopped him; stopped
him as completely as a couple of footpads, one on one side of him
and the other on the other. They did not indeed demand his money
or threaten his life, but they demanded his time, which was to him
at that moment as valuable as his money, and they put in danger his
politeness, which was as dear to him as life.
The first salutations were soon paid, acknowledged, and returned.
Then the interrupters stood still looking at Mr Darnley and at each
other; and then Mr Darnley having nothing more to say, and
fancying that his friends by their silence were similarly situated,
made a slight movement, as if indicating an intention of taking
leave. But his good friends were not disposed to give him leave; and
the worthy baronet then began a short speech by saying, “Oh, Mr
Darnley, have you had your newspaper this morning?”
Mr Darnley replied very politely, “I have, Sir George.”
Then the baronet asked: “Is there anything new?”
Then Mr Darnley said, “Nothing, Sir George.”
And then Sir George was silent again; and then Mr Darnley, after a
little interval, made another move. Then Colonel Crop took up the
tale and said, “The papers are very dull now.”
To which Mr Darnley suitably and assentingly replied; “Very:”—
thinking perhaps at the same time that Colonel Crop was as dull as
any of them.
Once more Mr Darnley was in hopes of getting away from his
tormenting detainers; but the excellent magistrate thinking that it
was now his turn to speak, directed himself again to the impatient
rector, saying, “What remarkably mild weather it is for the time of
year.”
“Remarkably mild;” replied Mr Darnley.
Thus did the cruel ones, unmindful of the inconvenience to which
they put the poor man, detain him a most unreasonable length of
time with an unconnected and uninteresting succession of idle
common-places, interlarded with long intervals of insipid silence. So
long as he stood still silently looking at them, so long did they hold
their tongues, but whenever the poor man shewed symptoms of
moving, they stopped him by some unmeaning gabble. So does a
wantonly cruel cat play with a poor innocent mouse which she
suffers for a moment to escape from her claws, and leaves
unmolested while it is motionless; but, as soon as it moves a limb in
signal of departure, down comes her merciless paw upon it again.
At length however when the worthy baronet and his friend were
tired of their own laziness, they suffered the persecuted divine to
escape from them; for after having detained him an unreasonable
length of time, and that for no purpose whatever, the considerate
baronet very coolly said: “Well, Mr Darnley, perhaps we are
detaining you: good morning.”
“Good morning,” said Colonel Crop; and so also said Mr Darnley.
It was now absolutely impossible for the rector of Neverden to
overtake his daughters before they should arrive at Smatterton
parsonage, if that were the object of their excursion, and nothing
remained for him but the prospect of meeting them on their return,
and the satisfaction which he might have in reproving them for their
implied disobedience.
The delay which he had experienced by no means softened his
asperity or abated his anger; and when at a little distance before
him, just at the entrance of the village of Smatterton, he saw his
three daughters in deep and apparently interesting conversation
approaching him, and not perceiving him in consequence of the
interest which they seemed to take in the subject of their
conversation, he concluded of course that they had been at the
rectory at Smatterton contrary to his known will and inclination.
They were within reach of his voice before they saw him; and
when they heard him address them, they lifted up their faces and
were astonished into silence, and surprised into apparent confusion.
It was merely the unexpectedness of the meeting that confused
them, but the rector thought their silence was from the conviction of
their guilt.
“And so, young ladies, you have, in despite of your father’s
authority, been paying a visit to Smatterton rectory! And pray let me
ask you, what is your motive for this act of rebellion?”
Now the young ladies mentally pleaded not guilty to the
accusation, and they gave voice also to the plea, saying: “Indeed,
Sir, we have not been at the rectory.”
“But have you not seen Miss Primrose?”
“We have,” replied the eldest. “We have seen Miss Primrose, but
we have not been paying her a visit. Our meeting was accidental.”
The young lady did not say that there was intention in the
accident; and if there be a fault in that omission, we are humbly of
opinion that at least one half of the blame rests upon Mr Darnley
himself, for assuming such magnificent airs and playing the great
bashaw in his family. We could write a long dissertation on this
subject, but whether such dissertation would be read is doubtful.
As when the above reply was given to Mr Darnley by his daughter
he stood in mute astonishment for a while, an opportunity was thus
afforded for the young lady to continue, and to endeavour to divert
for a moment her father’s thoughts from Penelope, and to direct
them to poor Fitzpatrick. Miss Darnley therefore said:
“And we met Miss Primrose, Sir, as she was coming from a visit of
consolation to a poor old man, of whom we have often heard you
speak?”
 Mr Darnley in an instant understood to whom the allusion was
made, and he exclaimed: “Bless me! Is poor old Fitzpatrick living
still, and in Smatterton?”
Seeing how completely and pleasantly the current of her father’s
thoughts was changed by this recollection, Miss Darnley proceeded
to give a full and abundant relation of all the particulars of the poor
man’s case, and the illness of the grand-daughter.
Mr Darnley was moved at the narration, and he said, “I will go and
see the poor man and his grand-child.”
Miss Darnley then directed her father to the cottage, and with her
sisters returned to Neverden. They were all three much pleased that
their father’s attention was thus directed, and they entertained some
hopes that good might result from his accidental meeting with
Penelope, which they anticipated, as they had not many minutes
back parted with her at the door of the poor man’s cottage. And
when they arrived at Neverden, they told their brother all that had
passed, and he also was pleased, and he anticipated favourable
results from the meeting.
In the mean time, Mr Darnley the elder found his way to
Fitzpatrick’s cottage; and as he entered the wretched abode, his
feelings were shocked at the sight of such miserable destitution as
appeared in the lower apartment. Scarcely could he believe that
such a place could be the abode of human beings; and he could not
help thinking, that though there was not in Neverden so splendid a
building at Smatterton castle, yet at the same time there was not a
hovel so miserable as that in which he was then standing. He felt
compassion for the poor man who was destined to close his life in so
desolate an abode, and he thought of the service which that poor
man had rendered to him.
As Mr Darnley had entered the cottage with gentle step, as fearing
to disturb the sick, those who were above were not aware of his
presence till he entered the upper room. And when he was there,
though Miss Primrose herself was before him, and though his anger
had been strongly excited against her, he thought not of the offence
or the offender. His attention was first arrested by the sight of the
poor old man, who was standing by his grand-daughter’s bed side,
and trembling with age and infirmity. There was not in the
countenance of the poor man any expression of grief or sympathy;
his eye, expressive of no emotion or even consciousness, rested
coldly on his grand-daughter; and as Mr Darnley entered the room,
the old man just turned his face towards the visitor, and no
otherwise altered his position or expressed any sense of a stranger’s
presence.
Penelope was leaning over the bed on which the sick girl lay, and
was endeavouring to soothe her with kind words, and to persuade
her to take some slight nourishment. And when the patient saw Mr
Darnley, she started with astonishment, which led Miss Primrose to
look towards the door of the apartment. Penelope was the only one
of the three who at that moment knew Mr Darnley; for the old man
had forgotten him, and the poor girl had never known him.
The young lady was much moved at the sight of Mr Darnley; and
she was preparing to rise to pay her respects to the gentleman. She
could not rise very quickly, for her left arm was supporting the sick
girl’s head, and Penelope was unwilling to withdraw that support
hastily. Mr Darnley saw this, and signified by the moving of his hand,
and by a gentle whisper, that he would not have the sick one
disturbed. Then he came near and took the old man’s hand, which
was yielded placidly and wonderingly. But when Mr Darnley spoke to
him and called him by name, the old man’s recollection returned,
and the light of intelligence came into his looks.
“Have you no recollection of me, Fitzpatrick?” said Mr Darnley.
“Oh yes, Sir,” replied the old man; “I do recollect you now. But it is
a long time since I have seen you, Sir.”
Then Fitzpatrick pointed to the poor girl, and said to Mr Darnley:
“There’s a sight, Sir, for an old man. You remember my boy; he was
at one time likely to do well in the world; but he was carried off by a
fever in the prime of life, and there lies his only child.”
The old man was going to say more, but his feelings prevented his
utterance. And Mr Darnley spoke kindly to him, and gave him
assurance that he should not want, but that every comfort should be
given him to cheer his declining days.
“You are good, Sir, very good; but I shall not long stand in need of
any comforts. This good young lady, Sir, has been very kind to us
both.”
By this time Penelope had gently and gradually disengaged her
arm from supporting the head of the poor girl; and Mr Darnley
addressed himself to the exhausted and almost expiring patient. But
she was unable to make any audible reply to Mr Darnley’s enquiries,
but her lips moved and there was a hectic flush which lasted only for
a moment, and was succeeded by a paleness more livid than before.
She turned her eyes tearfully and gratefully towards Penelope, and
thus corroborated by her looks what the old man had said of the
kindness of their gentle benefactor.
Mr Darnley now felt himself compelled to speak to Miss Primrose;
and, considering the habitual haughtiness of his manner and the
unfriendly feelings which he had entertained towards her, he spoke
with great gentleness. He enquired how long the poor people had
been in that miserable abode, and he asked if there was anything
which he could do for their assistance. And Penelope thanked him
with as much grateful energy of expression as though the kindness
were offered to herself, and she added:
“It is but little, Sir, that they want, and that little we can easily
supply them with. But I wish I could as easily soothe the poor girl’s
mind. She reproaches herself so bitterly, and will hear no
consolation.”
Penelope said this in a low and gentle tone. She was hardly aware
that the patient heard her, till poor Ellen’s voice interrupted her, and
the sick one spoke audibly and distinctly, and said, “I am happy
now.”
At hearing this, Mr Darnley and Penelope turned hastily round,
and they caught a glimpse of an expiring smile, and they heard the
unchecked breath rush through the pale lips of the sufferer, and then
poor Ellen’s earthly sorrows were at an end.
 CHAPTER VIII.
It was mentioned in the preceding chapter, that Sir George
Aimwell and Colonel Crop most inopportunely met and detained Mr
Darnley. This worthy couple, after leaving the rector of Neverden to
pursue his walk, lounged lazily towards Neverden Hall, and entered
into wise and knowing consultation concerning the commission with
which the colonel fancied himself entrusted, as relating to Miss
Glossop.
The worthy baronet thought and said, that if Lord Spoonbill had
any serious intention of marrying Miss Glossop, it would be far more
suitable that his lordship should make his personal appearance, and
offer his hand regularly and orderly.
“Certainly,” said the colonel, “certainly; but you know that his
lordship is peculiarly situated.”
Whether the colonel had any meaning, when he said that Lord
Spoonbill was peculiarly situated, we cannot say, but there is in
general a very great and comprehensive meaning in that phrase. If,
for instance, a man is looking for a piece of preferment, or is in any
way dependent on the powers that be, or the powers that may be,
and if he is requested to give a vote on any occasion according to
his own views or opinions, he is very ready to say that he wishes
well to that person or object for whom the vote is solicited, but that
it is not in his power to vote as he wishes, because he is peculiarly
situated. In short, wherever a man’s interest interferes with his duty
or conscience, and the principle of selfish interest is stronger than
duty or conscience, then it is that he is peculiarly situated.
Now the Right Honorable Lord Spoonbill was a man of title and
high rank, and his associates were of a select and superfine
description; if therefore he fixed his affections on a lady in a humbler
sphere, or less distinguished society, he could not make advances
regularly and honorably, because he was peculiarly situated.
To the remark of Colonel Crop, that Lord Spoonbill was peculiarly
situated, the worthy magistrate of Neverden Hall considerately
replied:
“Clearly so, I am perfectly aware of it: but still you must
acknowledge that it would have been more correct if his lordship
had communicated his intentions to Arabella without the intervention
of a third person. However, I will not say or do anything that shall be
the means of preventing the poor girl from having a good
establishment in life. I know that these high people have very
peculiar notions.”
Then the gallant colonel launched forth right liberally in praise of
Lord Spoonbill, and well he might, seeing that not only was he
indebted to his lordship for access to a most excellent table, but he
was also under obligation to him for the distinction and consideration
derived from such noble patronage and countenance.
“I suppose,” continued the baronet, “that it must be a private
marriage?”
“No doubt,” replied the colonel; “for his lordship is entirely
dependent on the Earl his father, and it would be a serious affair to
act in direct and open opposition to his will.”
“Exactly so,” answered the magistrate; “but when the marriage
has taken place, and the Earl sees that opposition must be fruitless,
and especially when he is introduced to the young lady, then he will
think more calmly on the subject. Well, it will be a fine match for
Arabella. Her father little thought when he sent her to Neverden
what good luck was in store for her. I think I will not write to her
father about the affair, but let him be taken by surprise.”
At this step in the consultation the interruption of the dinner-bell
put a stop to the discussion, and the two gentlemen soon found
themselves pleasantly engaged in paying an unequivocal and
practical homage to the culinary talents of the baronet’s cook.
Colonel Crop was unusually attentive to Miss Glossop, and the young
lady in return was most politely attentive to Colonel Crop. But Lady
Aimwell was not so very polite to Colonel Crop as was her general
custom; for her ladyship had been mightily displeased with the
announcement which she had recently received from her right
worshipful lord and master. In proportion, however, to Lady Aimwell’s
lack of courtesy, was the redundance and superabundance of Miss
Glossop’s politeness and vivacity; so that ere the cloth was removed,
her ladyship was in a complete fit of the sullens, and took it into her
head to have the head-ache, and expressed her intention of retiring
immediately.
Miss Glossop, as in duty bound, attended her discourteous
relative, and was in full expectation of hearing a long dismal lecture
all about propriety and all that sort of thing. There are two sorts of
people that do not like to be lectured—those that do not understand
the subject on which they are lectured, and those that do
understand it. For such as know all that can be said, do not mightily
desire to hear it all over again; and such as know nothing about it,
care nothing about it; and if there be a few in an intermediate class
who know a little about the matter, they do not in general desire to
have their little knowledge increased by lecturing. When Mr Martin’s
Act about cruelty to animals was passed, not a word was said about
lecturing. This was a great omission.
But fortunately for Arabella Glossop, it so happened that Lady
Aimwell was too far gone in ill humour even to administer a lecturing
to her high-minded relative. Her ladyship merely, in a pettish tone,
said, “I beg, madam, that I may not detain you from more agreeable
company.”
Miss Glossop, who knew that time would be lost if she should
enter upon any discussion, readily took her aunt at her word, and
politely wishing her good night, returned to the company more
agreeable to herself.
It is not known by what arguments, or with what eloquence, the
gallant colonel convinced and assured Miss Glossop of the supposed
fact of Lord Spoonbill’s tender affection and high regard for her; nor
is there any record of the readiness or reluctance with which the
young lady believed it all; it is only known that in the absence of
Lady Aimwell, which gave the colonel an opportunity of executing his
commission, Miss Glossop was put in possession of the important
information, and that she was delighted at the thought of marrying
the son of an Earl, especially such a charming man as Lord
Spoonbill.
It should however be mentioned, that Miss Glossop never heard,
or even suspected, that Colonel Crop was commissioned with any
more humiliating proposals. And though there might be something
suspicious, and not altogether accurate, in this proxy courtship, yet
the young lady pardoned it all under the consideration that Lord
Spoonbill was peculiarly situated.
Very pleasing were the anticipations of Miss Glossop in looking
forward to the possession of a mansion so splendid as Smatterton
Castle. Very readily did Miss Glossop dismiss from her mind all
thoughts of tenderness for the poor lieutenant, and very readily did
she renounce all design on the heart of Robert Darnley, leaving that
in the undisturbed possession of Miss Primrose.
Colonel Crop had no sooner fulfilled his commission, than he
immediately betook himself to the gratifying employment of
communicating his success to Lord Spoonbill, in the full expectation
of receiving his lordship’s most hearty thanks for the pains that he
had taken, and the dexterity with which he had conducted the
negociation.
It was too great a task for the gallant colonel to write a whole
letter on the very evening of his return from Neverden Hall to
Smatterton Castle; he therefore began the letter in the evening,
resolving to finish it on the morning of the following day.
Just as the gallant officer had concluded the writing of his
despatches, and was preparing to fold and seal his important
communication, the successor of the crafty Nick Muggins brought
letters to Smatterton Castle. One of these letters concerned Colonel
Crop and the business of which he had just been writing. The
colonel, seeing the hand-writing of his respected patron and
employer, had sense and sagacity enough to open and read that
letter before he sealed and sent off his own.
It is astonishing to observe what wonderful sagacity some people
possess, who are by no means regarded by the rest of the world as
conjurors. Colonel Crop, to an ordinary observer, would have
appeared a very stupid kind of man, and by no means addicted to
the exercise of the reasoning powers. But notwithstanding this his
habitual and constitutional obtuseness, he had the wisdom to reason
so far as to conclude that he might as well read Lord Spoonbill’s
letter to him before he sent off his letter to Lord Spoonbill.
The letter, which Colonel Crop now opened, was as follows:
“Dear Crop,
“I find by a letter from my old maiden cousin addressed to
the Countess, that the young lady’s father is not in such
flourishing circumstances as he represents himself, and if
Darnley has deserted her also, I think that I may now have
her on my own terms. However, if Aimwell makes a fuss
about the matter, let the negociation go on as if for marriage.
Only of course you will represent that it is absolutely
indispensable that the marriage must be private, and must be
kept a secret for some time. Bring her up to town with you as
soon as possible, giving me a day’s notice of your journey.
“Yours ever,
Spoonbill.”
Now the conduct which Lord Spoonbill recommended Colonel Crop
to pursue on this occasion, was villanous, mean, and treacherous.
But the right honorable one knew that the gallant officer would not
disoblige a good friend; and the colonel himself, though he might
perhaps have had some slight objection to be used as an instrument
of treachery, was peculiarly situated. For he knew not where else he
should find so good a table and such superb claret, at so slight a
cost as at the houses of Lord Smatterton. Besides, it was not (he
reasoned) his fault, if Lord Spoonbill should deceive the young lady.
It is very likely that Colonel Crop, under other circumstances,
would not have lent himself to negociations of this nature; but as it
was, he could not well help himself. It is also very probable that, if
Lord Spoonbill had not been dependent on his father, he would not
have used such indirect and circuitous negociation, and he might
perhaps have made honorable proposals instead of making those
which were dishonorable. The Society for the Suppression of Vice is
perfectly aware that narrowness of circumstances is the great cause
of most of the sins of which mortals are guilty; and therefore that
venerable society wisely directs its attention and investigations to
the poorer classes. The nobility never sell apples on Sunday, the
nobility never shave for a penny on Sunday morning. And all those
countless abominations, at which that excellent society lifts up its
pious eyes, are the sins arising from narrowness of circumstances
and dependence of situation.
When Colonel Crop had read Lord Spoonbill’s letter, he forthwith
proceeded to make such additions to his own letter as the
circumstances of the case required; and if the colonel had not been
an indolent man, and desirous of affecting a very laconic species of
writing, he most surely would, in the letter which he wrote on this
occasion, have led his right honorable employer to suspect an error
of apprehension, and a mistake in the person.
Lord Spoonbill very readily accounted for what appeared to him as
the ready compliance of Penelope, by referring it to the
circumstances of the desertion of Robert Darnley, and the perplexed
condition of her father’s affairs. His lordship also took it into his head
that Mr Primrose had designedly misrepresented the condition of his
property, and therefore his lordship affected to be mightily angry
with him, and to think that it would be but a proper and suitable
retaliation to deceive the unwary daughter.
 This was a curious mode of reasoning, but a very slight shadow of
apology will serve to satisfy a gentleman of such habits and pursuits
as the heir apparent to the earldom of Smatterton. Besides, if a man
is resolved on an act of treachery and meanness at all events, what
signifies the strength or weakness of the apology which he makes to
himself? The most logical apology is no excuse to the world, and the
most illogical is a very good one to himself.
 CHAPTER IX.
When a lady of such temperament as Lady Aimwell takes upon
herself the trouble of going into a fit of the sullens, though she may
in the first instance be speechless and even resolve not to open her
lips upon the subject of her wrath, or to utter any expressions of
anger against the object of her indignation, yet she finds at the last
that there is no other mode of getting rid of the oppressive burden
than by throwing it off in words. In like manner, also, when two
gentlemen quarrel about any subject, whether it be geology, or
theology, and they cannot convince one another, then they are angry
and sulky, and they treat one another with what they call silent
contempt, and yet they make a mighty noise and a great trumpeting
about the silence of their contempt. So again, when an author who
has written the best possible book on any subject, and another
author reviews that same book and proves by most ingenious
argument that it is utterly worthless, the writer of the book runs
about among the circle of his acquaintance foaming at the mouth to
shew how cool he is, and dinning every one’s ears with the noise
that he makes in proclaiming his silent contempt of the scrub who
has criticized him. And what else can he do? Who is to know
anything of the existence of silent contempt unless it be advertized?
We have heard the phrase, “proclaiming silence;” it has its origin
perhaps in this silence of contempt, which by the way seems to be
rather a contempt of silence.
If the reader does not by this time understand the state of mind in
which Lady Aimwell was, on the occasion referred to, he must be
obtuse; if he does not pity Arabella Glossop, he must be inhuman
and unfeeling.
On the morning which followed Colonel Crop’s last mentioned visit
to Neverden Hall, Lady Aimwell took her seat in the drawing-room as
usual, and spread before her eyes the accustomed Stackhouse. But
her ladyship found it difficult to command her attention, and to find
room in her mind for any other thoughts than those which related to
Arabella Glossop. And the young lady as usual made her
appearance. At her entering the apartment Lady Aimwell lifted her
eyes and fixed them frowningly on the young lady.
It is not pleasant to be frowned at, even though it be but by an
automaton. There is in the human mind, especially in the minds of
the young, a love of cheerfulness, and this principle was exceedingly
strong in Arabella Glossop.
Lady Aimwell had never been very courteous to this gay-spirited
young woman, and yet her ladyship expected, or seemed to expect,
that Miss Glossop ought to be most especially courteous to her. Lady
Aimwell made herself as repulsive as she possibly could to Miss
Glossop, and then with a most diverting simplicity expressed her
wonderment that the young lady should seem so readily to avoid her
company. Lady Aimwell had certain obsolete notions of decorum,
and divers crotchets about propriety which she had learned from her
grandmother’s sampler, and curiously did she profess herself
astonished that the hoydenish daughter of a successful attorney
should not have the same starched notions and the same precise
formality.
It has been said that Lady Aimwell looked frowningly upon Miss
Glossop, as soon as the young lady entered the drawing-room. But
Miss Glossop, with all her rudeness and vulgarity, was not so rude or
vulgar as to return the frown. On the contrary, she very kindly asked
her ladyship if she had recovered from her yesterday’s indisposition.
The question was asked very civilly, and with the most conciliating
intonation of voice; but it was answered with great incivility and with
a most sneering cadence.
“You care much about my health,” replied Lady Aimwell.
To this no reply was made; and Miss Glossop, seeing that her
ladyship was in an ill-humour, thought it best to let that humour take
its course. But as the young lady had no very great desire to
undergo a dissertation on propriety, she was preparing to leave the
room. Thereupon Lady Aimwell was roused to greater volubility;
and, closing the great book with a great noise, she said, “It is very
unaccountable, Miss Glossop, that you have so great a dislike to me
that you take every opportunity to avoid me.”
At hearing this Miss Glossop returned, and would have made
something of a reply, but Lady Aimwell prevented her by continuing
the oration.
“I cannot imagine what I can have done or said to make you
dislike me so much. I have never said anything to you but for your
good. But young people now-a-days think themselves so
prodigiously wise, that they will not condescend to be advised. I
know that when I was a young woman, if any one had taken so
much pains with me as I have with you, I should have been grateful
for it, instead of turning my back upon my best friends.”
All this was what is called too bad. It was villanously tedious and
generally untrue. Lady Aimwell could very well imagine what it was
rendered her company unacceptable to Miss Glossop; nor could her
ladyship think it very likely that all which she had been pleased to
say for the good of the young lady, should be considered by her as
really pleasant and agreeable. And in good truth we really believe
that, though what had been said by Lady Aimwell might, by a little
ingenuity, be interpreted as being said for the young lady’s good, yet
the principal motive which urged her ladyship to say all this, was the
gratification of her own ill humour and the indulgence of her own
spleen. And when the wife of the exemplary magistrate of Neverden
Hall said, that had any one in her younger days so administered the
tediousness of snarling exhortation, she should have been grateful
for it, we are of opinion that imagination had usurped the throne of
memory, or that invention had taken the place of veracity. For, unless
Lady Aimwell had greatly changed since the days of her youth, or
unless we have grossly misapprehended the character of her mind,
we are of opinion that she would not have borne so patiently, as
Miss Glossop did, the tediousness of prosy exhortation.
To all that Lady Aimwell was pleased to remark as touching the
ingratitude of Miss Glossop and the degeneracy of the present
generation of juvenile spinsters, the belectured young lady only
replied, and that most meekly, “I am sure, Lady Aimwell, I never had
the slightest intention of treating you disrespectfully. As you were
unwell last night, and as I thought you did not seem quite recovered
this morning, I could not do otherwise than enquire after your
health.”
“Not quite recovered!” echoed Lady Aimwell, with great briskness
of tone and peculiar sharpness of manner—“Not quite recovered! So,
I suppose you mean to insinuate that I was out of humour? Yes, yes,
I understand what you mean by not quite recovered.”
At this remark, Miss Glossop smiled inwardly, but she took especial
care not to manifest any outward and visible signs of mirth, lest she
might provoke her ladyship to exercise some inconvenient mode of
retaliation. Nor, on the other hand, could the young lady so far
attempt the mask of hypocrisy as expressly and explicitly to disavow
all thought and suspicion of ill-humour on the part of Lady Aimwell.
Being however somewhat indignant at the pertinacity with which her
ladyship kept up the hostility, and thinking that a little semblance of
opposition would be better than a placid and unyielding
acquiescence in the gratuitous accusations and assumptions of her
ladyship, Miss Glossop, with some degree of her natural tartness,
replied:
“I think, Lady Aimwell, that you are treating me very ill to put an
unfavourable construction on everything I say or do; I am sure I
have not the slightest wish to behave disrespectfully to you; but you
will not give me leave to pay you ordinary civilities without
misinterpreting them.”
Now her ladyship knew that there was truth in this, therefore,
fearing that she might be worsted in a regular argument, she
thought it advisable to change the mode of attack, and, instead of
continuing the discussion in that line, Lady Aimwell replied, “You
may talk as long as you please, Miss Glossop, but nobody can make
me believe that your conduct towards Lord Spoonbill the other day
was at all becoming, or even decent.”
This was a repetition of a former attack, and as in the first
instance this attack had driven the young lady to passionate
weeping, Lady Aimwell was in expectation that a renewal of it would
produce a renewal of the young lady’s sobs and tears. But in this
calculation the baronet’s lady reckoned wrong. The conversation
which Miss Glossop had had the preceding evening with Colonel
Crop, and the bright prospects which lay before her, of rank and
opulence and luxury and homage, rendered an allusion of this nature
rather agreeable than otherwise. Instead therefore of yielding, as
before, to the down-rushing tear and the passionate sobbing, the
possible countess replied with spirit and vivacity, “Lord Spoonbill is
as well qualified to judge of propriety as any one. And if I said or did
anything disrespectful to his lordship, it is his concern.”
In this reply we by no means vindicate Miss Glossop; we rather
think that she was much to blame; for young men are not such good
judges of propriety as old ladies; and it is not to be supposed, that if
a pretty-looking young woman, as Miss Glossop certainly was, should
behave with impertinent forwardness towards so gay and gallant a
young gentleman as Lord Spoonbill, that his lordship would reprove
her, and administer a wholesome lesson on the subject of decorum.
Lady Aimwell was precisely of our opinion on this point, and
answered accordingly, “Miss Glossop, are you a downright
simpleton? Or what do you mean by such language? Nothing could
be better amusement for Lord Spoonbill, than to see you make a
fool of yourself.”
Here Lady Aimwell had clearly the advantage of Miss Glossop. It
was indeed true, that Lord Spoonbill had been mightily amused with
seeing the ridiculous and fantastic airs which the young lady shewed
off at the castle. But though Lady Aimwell was right, the young lady
thought she was wrong. And from what Miss Glossop had heard on
the preceding evening from Colonel Crop, there was not in her mind
the remotest suspicion that Lord Spoonbill had regarded her
demeanour with any other feeling than that of approbation.
Several times was Miss Glossop on the very brink of exultingly
avowing to her ladyship what had been said by Colonel Crop
concerning the approbation which that discriminating judge of
propriety Lord Spoonbill had been pleased to express of herself. But
as frequently she checked herself, since she thought that the mode
in which Lord Spoonbill had conveyed to her his approbation and
admiration were not quite according to the etiquette of Lady
Aimwell’s grandmother’s sampler.
The inward consciousness however that Lord Spoonbill was
graciously disposed towards her, gave her unusual calmness and
composure, so that she could patiently bear much of the rebuke that
was addressed to her by Lady Aimwell.
But at last came the grand, decisive, interrogatory, which referred
to Colonel Crop’s negociation. Now we cannot approve Lady
Aimwell’s conduct in leaving her young friend exposed to such
negociation; for it was very obvious, that on the preceding evening
her ladyship had retired early, because she was displeased with the
visible symptoms of Colonel Crop’s extraordinary attention to the
young lady. With an exulting and almost triumphing confidence did
Lady Aimwell say, “Now, pray, Miss Glossop, may I take the liberty to
ask, did your friend Colonel Crop deliver any message to you from
your favorite Lord Spoonbill?”
There was a sneer in the phraseology of this question, there was
also a still stronger expression of contempt in the tone and cadence
of it. And thereat Miss Glossop coloured, not blushed merely with
maiden diffidence and modesty, but coloured with mighty and
puissant indignation at the question, at the language in which it was
conveyed, and at the tone in which it was uttered. The
consciousness that she was destined to a high rank in society, and
that she was honored with the approbation of so great a man as
Lord Spoonbill, gave her an additional confidence, and increased her
natural pertness, and she replied, “If your ladyship must know, I can
tell you that Colonel Crop did deliver a message to me from Lord
Spoonbill. What that message was, your ladyship may know
hereafter.”
At this reply Lady Aimwell was struck with tenfold astonishment.
And we will here do her ladyship the justice to acknowledge, that
whatever might be the spirit of her endeavours, they were certainly
directed with a view to the young lady’s good. For Lady Aimwell,
though not the brightest woman in the world, could easily see that a
negociation of this kind was not very likely to terminate in making
Miss Glossop a countess. Therefore, when this acknowledgment had
been thus extorted from the young lady, her more sagacious relative
replied with a very natural expression of astonishment, mingled also
with an indication of pity and a slight tincture of contempt:
“Surely, Miss Glossop, you will not suffer yourself to be led away
by such idle and foolish stories! Do you, can you for a moment,
imagine that if Lord Spoonbill had any serious and honorable
intentions, he would send messages to you by a third person. I must
insist upon it that you will not give Colonel Crop any farther
encouragement to talk such nonsense. What would your father say
to us if he knew that such folly, such wickedness I may say, was
encouraged under our roof?”
Lady Aimwell’s intention was good, but it was not duly appreciated
by the young lady in whose behalf it was manifested. And, instead of
gratefully acknowledging her ladyship’s kindness, and humbly
promising to follow her ladyship’s good advice, Miss Glossop, with a
most arrogant air, rejected the good counsel and said, “I think I
know how to govern myself without your ladyship’s assistance. You
make pretty pretensions enough to what you say is all for my good.
The plain fact is, you are merely mortified at my good fortune.”
There was something so outrageously insulting in this last speech,
that Lady Aimwell was absolutely unable to make an immediate
reply, and the contending parties looked at each other for a few
moments in perfect silence, and with flushed and angry
countenances. Lady Aimwell after a while, as soon as she could
recover from her overwhelming astonishment, replied, “Very pretty
language, Miss Glossop; very grateful and respectful, indeed!
However, I will take care that I shall not be so insulted again; and
perhaps if I cannot persuade you, I may find some one who can.”
So saying Lady Aimwell left the apartment, and Miss Glossop
remained alone to think over the meaning and interpretation of her
ladyship’s threat. Not long did the young lady exercise her
conjectures; for it was very clear to her that Lady Aimwell designed
to write to Mr Glossop, of whom Miss Arabella stood more in awe
than of any other human being. But as she knew that her father’s
views for her were of the aspiring and ambitious cast, and as she
had no other thought concerning the negociation of Colonel Crop,
than that her own sweet person and graceful manners and
accomplishments had won the affection of Lord Spoonbill, she felt
very much at ease even under Lady Aimwell’s threat, and had no
fears that her father would throw any obstacle in the way of her
marriage with a person of such high rank and consideration.
 CHAPTER X.
Wise kings choose wise ministers. Lord Spoonbill little thought
what a clumsy negociator he had selected in the person of Colonel
Crop. His lordship had not discernment enough to see that the
Colonel was a prodigious blockhead, and even when, as above
recorded, the gallant officer substituted in his narration the name of
Arabella for that of Penelope, neither the employed nor the employer
had any suspicion that there might be any error in the apprehension,
or any mistake as to the person sought.
It might also appear to some persons strange, that so great and
so sudden an alteration should have taken place in the mind of Miss
Primrose. But Lord Spoonbill had never rightly appreciated that
young lady’s character and disposition. For notwithstanding that
Penelope was a person of high spirit and great constitutional vivacity,
there was nothing in the temperament of her mind bordering on
what is called the satirical. She was not one of those half knowing
ones, who are ambitious of shewing their understanding by ridiculing
the rest of the world as fools. Indeed, whenever she did encounter a
blockhead, and that was not unfrequent, she made it rather a rule to
treat him with much consideration and tenderness of manner,
knowing that no man would voluntarily choose to be a booby.
Lord Spoonbill was somewhat of a blockhead, but he was not
totally and altogether obtuse. He had a considerable degree of
pertness and a certain coxcomical air, whereby he passed with
himself and his dependent intimates as a man of some
understanding. Now, though Miss Primrose could and did see that
notwithstanding all his fine airs he was but a very weak young man,
yet she always behaved and spoke to him most respectfully, and
even diffidently. So that his lordship thought himself a clever fellow
in the sight of Miss Primrose.
 Inasmuch, also, as Lord Spoonbill thought that Miss Primrose had
rejected his first overtures because, and only because, she had
anticipated a renewal of the acquaintance with Robert Darnley; now
his lordship apprehended that, as, according to the information
which he had received, this acquaintance was altogether at an end,
Penelope would be more disposed to accept of his offers.
His lordship therefore suffered the negociation to proceed
according to the proposal of Sir George Aimwell, imagining that, if
Colonel Crop could persuade Penelope to accompany him to London,
there would be very little difficulty in making any arrangement which
his lordship might then see proper to suggest. Upon these very
agreeable reflections and anticipations, Lord Spoonbill was proud
that he could triumph over the assumed wisdom and sagacity of his
friend Erpingham. And, as soon as his lordship returned from his
important excursion to his newly purchased borough, he called on
his worthy Epicurean friend.
Erpingham was miserably changed in aspect and in manner since
Lord Spoonbill had seen him last. There had not been between this
and the previous visit an interval of many months; but in the short
period which had passed there had been a mighty change. The
brightness of his look was dimmed, the confidence of his manner
was abated, and the general air of his apartment seemed changed
from comfort to negligence.
When Lord Spoonbill entered the apartment, he found his friend
as usual with a book before him; but he did not appear to be much
occupied with the book. There also lay on his table a newspaper,
which was an unusual sight, for Erpingham had been accustomed to
avoid everything which might in any degree awake unpleasant
sympathies, and he used to observe that newspapers were the
repository of most disgusting and distressing information. There was
another manifest symptom of alteration in the Epicurean’s habits and
feelings, and that was a phial containing laudanum. Now Erpingham
had always expressed an abhorrence of all manner of drugs, and
had carefully avoided artificial stimulants, fancying that they tended
to greater evil by the lassitude which followed their effects, than
good by the temporary excitement which they produced.
One alteration however in Erpingham’s manner appeared to Lord
Spoonbill as an alteration for the better, and that was the greater
cordiality with which the visit was received. It had been the practice
of Erpingham to receive such as called upon him with cold
indifference, and even occasionally to seem to look upon them as
unwelcome intruders. The reader may recollect the careless lounging
manner in which Erpingham received his friend Lord Spoonbill on a
former occasion. His lordship, as recorded, did not like such manner
of reception. But on the present occasion there was an
improvement. The Epicurean’s countenance brightened up for a
moment when the name of his visitor was announced; and, instead
of sitting or lounging unmoveably, Erpingham rose up and went to
meet him, and with his own hand reached him a chair.
Lord Spoonbill was astonished at the change; but he was also
astonished at the manifest depression of the poor man’s spirits. For
the smile with which he received his friend soon vanished, and left
the dull symptoms of permanent and deep depression.
Erpingham closed his book, and in the midst of a suppressed yawn
made the usual enquiries and uttered the ordinary common-places,
more after the manner of the rest of the world than had formerly
been his custom. And when Lord Spoonbill had given the expected
answers, he went on to speak concerning Penelope Primrose.
“Oh yes, I recollect hearing you mention that name,” said
Erpingham; “and have you made your arrangements yet?”
“Not quite,” replied his lordship, “but I believe I soon may on my
own terms. You pretended to be mightily wise and discerning when
you uttered your oracles about ladies’ hearts and affections; but I
think I shall demonstrate that I understand the female heart as well
as you do.”
“Very likely,” replied Erpingham; “I don’t make pretensions to any
great share of understanding on any subject.”
 There was so much carelessness and coldness in the tone of this
reply, that Lord Spoonbill thought that his friend had been visited by
some calamity, or was labouring under some illness; and this
apprehension was strengthened by the sight of the phial of
laudanum on the table. Looking however again and more
observingly at his friend’s countenance, Lord Spoonbill fancied that
he discerned symptoms rather of mental than of bodily suffering.
And with more considerateness than might have been expected from
him, his lordship did not abruptly ask if any misfortune had
happened to his friend, but turned the conversation to general
topics, and in doing this was much assisted by the newspaper which
was lying on the table. He thought that if Erpingham had met with
any misfortune and sought for sympathy, he would mention his
sorrows unasked.
As Lord Spoonbill had taken up the newspaper for the purpose of
finding some topic of common and meaningless talk, he held it in his
hand some time, uttering his occasional comments on its infinitely
various contents. Erpingham in the mean time made brief and
sometimes inapplicable replies to the observations, and by degrees
this desultory conversation grew less and less, and then ceased.
His lordship continued reading the paper silently, and Erpingham
amused himself by looking at the fire. Ever and anon did Lord
Spoonbill slily and cautiously lift up his eyes from the paper,
endeavouring to catch a furtive glance at his friend’s countenance in
order to form, if he possibly could, some conjecture as to what
might be passing in his mind. His lordship however was not by
nature or habit well fitted for reading the mind through the face.
After this unpleasant, and, to Lord Spoonbill unaccountable,
silence had continued for some few minutes, Erpingham took the
phial of laudanum, and pouring without any accurate
admeasurement an apparently large quantity into a glass of cold
water, deliberately drank, to the great astonishment of his lordship, a
dose that indicated desperation or long practice.
 The right honorable one threw down the paper which he had been
reading, and uttering almost a scream of astonishment, exclaimed,
“Good God, Erpingham, are you mad?”
The Epicurean received and answered the exclamation with a
start, a frown, a laugh, and a sneer, which seemed almost
simultaneous.
“Mad!” echoed he; “yes, I believe I am mad.” Then with greater
composure, and the manner of one in the perfect and sober
possession of his senses and judgment, and as if the dose just taken
had produced no effect whatever, he continued, “I believe I take
rather too much; but in the use of such stimulants it is difficult to
observe moderation. It is quite contrary to my theory to indulge in
such a habit; but necessity has no law.”
“And pray how long,” said Lord Spoonbill, “have you been
accustomed to this habit? You appear to be quite a veteran.”
“Not so much of a veteran as you seem to imagine,” replied
Erpingham: “I have made a very rapid proficiency.”
“But don’t you think it is very injurious?” asked Lord Spoonbill.
“To be sure I do,” replied the Epicurean; “but who is guided in his
conduct by what he thinks? I know it injures my health, I know that
it must shorten my life, I know that it makes me wretched, but I
must take it.”
Lord Spoonbill could not understand that logic; and Erpingham
had too great a contempt for his lordship’s understanding to explain
it. We have too great a respect for the understanding of our readers
to think that they need an explanation.
Erpingham, being now relieved from the vapour which had
oppressed him, began to talk freely and even cheerfully to his
puzzled friend Lord Spoonbill. The hereditary legislator could not by
any means, or by any effort of judgment, or any struggle of
penetration, divine what could have produced so great and so
melancholy a change in his formerly cheerful and light-hearted
friend. There had not been one individual in all Lord Spoonbill’s
extensive range of acquaintance who seemed to be so happily
independent and so independently happy as Erpingham. Now, if
Colonel Crop had taken to drinking laudanum, Lord Spoonbill would
not have been very greatly surprised; for the colonel did appear to
require a stimulus, seeing that he was for the most part grievously
dull and prodigiously flat. But Erpingham was a man of judgment
and reflection, of humour and knowledge; and he had to all
appearance studied so thoroughly the art of happiness and
enjoyment, that sometimes Lord Spoonbill almost envied him. And
he must have been a very happy and a very obviously happy man
for Lord Spoonbill to envy him; for Lord Spoonbill had a very
considerable opinion of himself, of his own greatness both in
possession and reversion. Lord Spoonbill also regarded with peculiar
and unspeakable delight the circumstance of his being born of a
noble family, and being destined to bear the title of Earl of
Smatterton; he thought that to be noble was to be the envy and
admiration of mankind. It must therefore have been something very
extraordinary that could lead his lordship to regard any one with a
feeling at all approaching to envy. With such feeling, however, he
certainly had regarded his friend Erpingham; and now to see that
same man sunk, from no apparent or assignable cause whatever,
into a state of miserable dejection, and depending for temporary
excitement on an artificial stimulant, puzzled and perplexed his
lordship beyond measure.
Under this impression Lord Spoonbill could not avoid expressing
his feeling of astonishment: “Upon my word, Erpingham, you quite
surprise me. I always used to think you one of the happiest men
living.”
“I have been too happy,” replied Erpingham.
Lord Spoonbill was puzzled again, and thought that his friend was
absolutely mad. His lordship shewed symptoms of his suspicion, and
Erpingham divined his thoughts.