Hindu View Of Parenthood

Parenthood is celebrated across the world, among all

religions, but there is something in the Hindu view that
transcends the basic understanding of this precious and
responsible role. This ‘something’ is much deeper than
enjoying the sensual pleasures of watching the children grow
and spending life with them. The Hindu view of parenthood is
deeply rooted in the notion of duty and Dharma. Practicing
Hindus perceive parenthood as a part of following the
Dharma (righteous duty) of running a family system (Grihasta
Ashrama), which is a life of sacrifice and duty combined with
happiness and spiritual progression.

This righteous way is much more than training the child in

good manners and cleanliness, and helping him/her to
succeed materially in the world. It also includes enabling the
child to develop control over his life (via the senses), grow
into a strong & healthy individual, understand and realize the
existence of a higher consciousness, perform his duties on
becoming an adult. The parents are not only obliged to
impart worldly and materialistic education to their children,
but also to impart Dharmic and spiritual education. This way
ensures that the children contribute back to their family, the
society, and the nation, while retaining their individuality of
thought and simultaneously working towards Self-
Actualization. Thus, the Hindu view of upbringing children not
only concentrates on facilitating the child to attain Artha-
wealth and material prosperity, but also focusses on enabling
children to work towards attaining all the four goals of life-
Dharma (righteous duties), Artha (wealth), Kama (material
desires), and Moksha (liberation).
To understand the role of children and the duties of
parenthood in Hindu culture and tradition, one must study
the Hindu concept of Grihasta Ashrama and Samskaras.

Hindu scriptures recognize four stages of life: Brahmacharya

(student stage), Grihasta (marriage stage), Vanaprasta
(retired), and Sannyasa (renunciation). After a person finishes
his student life, he enters Grihasta stage by getting married.
Hinduism recognizes marriage or Vivaha as resting on three
pillars: Rati (desire), Praja (offspring), and Dharma (marital
duties, including parenthood). That is, having children and
upbringing them, are an intrinsic part of marriage and a
righteous duty enjoined on the parents. Thus, there is a
nuanced recognition of the fact that people desire to have
children and that children enrich love and strengthen bonds
within a family. The importance of children in a family can be
gauged by the fact that the term for son in Sanskrit is ‘Putra’
and for daughter it is ‘Putri’. The words are derived from the
word ‘Put’ and they means a person, who frees the parents
from the clutches of a realm of suffering named ‘Put’. Thus,
children are recognized as those who will save their parents
from suffering and instead impart happiness and joy to them.
For this reason, the scriptures (Brihadaranyaka Upanishad
1.5.17) state that a couple can live a fulfilling life on earth
only by having children.

Therefore, unlike certain prevalent notions regarding

children, Hinduism does not view children as a burden
(especially in case of a girl), or as a commodity to gain profit
from (especially in case of boys). Instead, Hindu scriptures
ask people to perceive children as bringers of happiness and
deliverers from suffering, and hence it makes it a righteous
duty on the part of parents to give such children a proper
education and upbringing.
Regarding the duty of the parents towards their children, the
Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (1.5.17), states that parents
should impart education to the children and help them
understand their SvaDharma (duties in life). Though the
verse actually imparts a highly contextualized instruction,
applicable to Brahmana Varna, a generalized essence can be
derived from it. In essence, the verse asks parents to make
their children aware that once they grow up to become
adults, then it becomes their SvaDharma to study the
scriptures (to develop proper Vivekam to discriminate
between right and wrong), perform duties according to Guna
and station in life, and practice of devotion (for purification of
mind and spiritual progress.). In other words, the teaching of
the Upanishad is that the parents should not only impart
secular and materialistic education, but should impart a
wholesome education that facilitates children to understand
their Dharmas (righteous duties) and attain self-actualization.

The extent of responsibility towards children in Hinduism is

further demonstrated by the number of Vedic sacraments
(called Samskaras) that Hindus have for children, which are
supposed to be performed by parents not only outwardly, but
with complete dedication and devotion. Shabara Bhashya on
Jaimini Sutra (Verse 3.1.3) defines a Samskara as “an act,
which makes a certain thing or person fit for a certain purpose .”
Thus, it is an act of ritual purification, which intends to
facilitate individuals become competent to perform
Svadharma, by purifying their mind.
Of course, nothing is compulsorily imposed on today’s
parents. There are about 40 Samskara ceremonies, of which
16 are followed commonly and half of them are done for the
wellbeing of the child at different stages of life. For example,
the Garbhadhana Samskara (rites when you want to conceive
a child) imparts a notion of devotion and sacredness to the
whole act of sexual intimacy. It involves chanting of mantras
and invoking various deities for the purpose of preparing the
womb of the mother, for the proper formation of frame
(fetus) of the child upon conception, for the healthy and
potent sperm that can cause conception and finally for
successfully causing the conception respectively
(Hiranyakeshin Grihya Sutra 1.7.25.1).
Then, you have Pumsavana Samskara, for the physical
growth of the fetus, especially for having a male child, and
Simantonnayana, for protection of the mother and a proper
physical and mental growth of the fetus. These three are the
pre-natal Samskaras, whose purpose is ensuring proper
conception, protection of the fetus and the safe birth of the
child.

After the birth of the child, there are many Samskaras like
Jatakarma (performed just before the umbilical cord is cut,
and imparts long life, intelligence, strength, and character to
the child), Namakarana (officially naming the child), Anna
Praasanam (first feeding of solid food), Chudakarma (removal
of hairs for the first time), Upanayana (ritual of initiation into
Vedic study), Vivaha (marriage), etc. till the death of the
person.

These Samskaras are primarily done by parents under the

guidance of a Hindu priest and the child participates in them.
The purpose of these rituals is to remove the faults (both
biological and Karmic faults) that the child may have
inherited from its parents and thus ensure the child is born
and develops into a physically, mentally and spiritually
healthy individual (Manu Smriti 2.27). The Samskaras further
intends to impart values like compassion towards all
creatures, forbearance/patience, freedom from jealousy,
cleanliness, mental-calmness, auspiciousness, generosity and
freedom from desires (Gautama Dharma Sutras 8.23). The
scriptures go a step further and declare that it is better to
perform few Samskaras by ensuring the development of the
above mentioned values, than performing all the Samskaras
mechanically, without development of inner values; since,
only the former is beneficial and not the latter (Gautama
Dharma Sutras 8.24-25). No other culture covers the growing
stages of a child in such detail in terms of invoking positive
energies, imparting positive values, along with the constant
remembrance of duties.

What differs from western events of communion and baby

shower, is the understanding that a human birth has much
more capabilities, than a mere animal birth and the amount
of restraint & sacrifice that Hindu parents assume in bringing
up the children with this understanding. The importance of
human birth has been beautifully brought out by Adi
Shakaracharya in his Vivekachudamani, wherein he states:
“Very rare indeed are these three things and happen only due to
the utmost Grace of God—a human birth, a burning desire for
liberation, and the blessed refuge of an illuminated sage. ” It is this
understand, which makes Hindu scriptures to enjoin having
offsprings as one of the righteous duties of married couple; it
is this understanding, which makes Hindu parents to
celebrate each and every event in a child’s life; and it is this
understanding, which makes Hindu scriptures recognize that
parents have a duty towards ensuring that children not only
get worldly education and material successes, but also get a
Dharmic education and attain Spiritual Self-actualization.
The role of parents is vital in the education of children. A
child learns the most from the mother, especially in the
beginning years of life. The father’s role has always been that
of a facilitator and a role model. A teacher only comes into
picture at a later phase of childhood. In fact, both the parents
are the best guide, teacher, and a friend to children. Thus,
the famous Hindu saying from Taittiriya Upanishad (1.11.2)
states: ‘maatru devo bhava, pitru devo bhava’, recognizing
how parents are the very manifestation of divinity. But, the
role of a mother towards her children goes beyond imparting
education. She pours all her love and care towards her child,
all her activities become directed towards her children, and in
many a sense she dedicates her life itself to nurturing her
children. Thus, many Hindu texts, including Ayurvedic texts
speak about various modes of life (Paricharyas) exclusively
for women, designed to ensure physical, mental, and spiritual
wellbeing of the mothers.

In the Vedic times, it seems that the whole society was living
with a great deal of spiritual understanding. In spite of
obvious attachment of children towards parents, there was a
certain amount of detachment that lead to living more
responsible lives. There were Gurukulas, which not only
imparted worldly education, but also took care to ensure that
children did not develop excessive attachment to worldly
pleasures. Parents sacrificed their love and affection towards
their children, so that their children could develop values like
detachment, self-control, etc. in the Gurukulas, without any
disturbance.

In today’s world, this is very hard to practice. While the

typically good western parents totally focus on things like
good manners, grooming, etc., still the essentials of
parenthood stay limited to ensuring the wellbeing on the
physical plane, and thus making children a slave of their
minds and desires. Though, many Hindu parents are not
following much of the tenets of parenthood advised in the
Hindu texts, they still seem to have affinity towards
sacrificing for children. For example, unlike the West, leaving
little children alone at home and going for parties was never
a norm for Hindu parents. And even today it is not a norm.
Many Hindu parents still live together, in spite of serious
differences for the sake of giving better lives to their children.
This is because the Hindu culture tells people to live by their
duties, to put duties before personal comforts. After all, it is
obvious that what two people can do for a child effortlessly,
would take much more effort for a single parent to achieve.
With the number of divorces and single parent families
increasing in the West, children will learn the same, to move
on into the emptiness of worldly reasons. However, this
should not be misconstrued as an endorsement of toleration
of abuse within a marriage. In fact, abuse within a marriage
causes as much trauma to the children as to the spouses and
in such cases, divorce remains the only option. The point is,
divorce should stay as an exception and not become a norm.
Add to this, the universalization of the latest western view
that all unpaid domestic work is of no value, since it does not
add to GDP. Under these emerging ‘modern’ worldviews,
sustaining families will become even more difficult. The
patience to tolerate small differences is decreasing day by
day. On the one hand, we have Islamic society, which
appears to limit the role of parenthood to a mere numbers
game of controlling religious narratives. On the other hand,
we have many people, including Hindus, who are increasingly
giving birth to children, without the conscious resolve to give
anything back to society and civilization.

In the current society, the role of a parent has been reduced

to teaching the child to bring wealth and success back home.
This is not a Hindu view. Hindu view of parenthood ensures a
strong, healthy, spiritual and dutiful offspring, while
prescribing equal amounts of sacrifices for the mother and
the father. Restraint in sex, diet, and lifestyle for the benefit
of children is still accepted quite normally by many practicing
Hindus. Parenthood is all about leading by example. It is the
duty of every parent to let the children know that there is a
deep spiritual potential in everyone, that there are duties
that each individual must perform, that there are values that
must be cultivated and that a human being must give back to
the society and the cosmos itself in some way. There is a lot
of happiness and contentment in this Dharmic way of
parenting, which rises beyond the quick moments of
pleasures that the materialistic world offers. Both the parents
should ensure support to each other in raising the children, in
spite of whatever differences they may have. They must let
their children question, collect knowledge, discover their own
inner tendencies and choose their path of life accordingly.

Unlike the West, parents earn a lot of respect in Hindu

Dharma, because our governments don’t yet calculate the
extent of unpaid work of parenting. Once calculations
happen, the superior values like love, sacrifice, etc. attached
to parenthood will disappear, and only laws will control the
relationships. This is not to suggest that there are no good
parents or happy families in the West or elsewhere. Nor is it
being suggested that all families within the Hindu society are
good and perfect. Instead, when certain modern trends in
parenting, especially those inspired from the West, are
compared to the ideal Hindu view, the later seems to be
more meaningful, wholesome, and imparts a deeper meaning
to life itself.

(This article was published by IndiaFacts in 2016)

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