TIPS ON DATING LIFE
When it comes to dating tips for women, one size doesn’t fit all. A
young woman in her teens or 20s dates A LOT differently than a
woman in her 30s and 40s. And while most woman generally want the
same outcome, there are certain things women in their 30s and 40s
know about dating that they disregarded or simply didn’t focus as much
on in their younger years.
That’s why we talked to some of today’s top dating experts to see what
they saw as the most important advice women in their 30s and 40s
dating today should think about. After going through what they had to
say, we came up with these 15 top dating tips for women who are out
of their 20s and ready for something more serious.
1. Know your non-Negotiables.
These would be those instant deal breakers of yours—he’s a smoker,
a non-monogamist, a cat-lover, etc.—that instantly tell you to move on
so you’re not wasting your time. “What are those three things that are
not negotiable when you’re looking for a relationship?”
asked relationship expert Dr. Melanie Mills. “Try not to include physical
or financial attributes. Focus on character traits, personality type, and
value systems.”
2. Don’t limit yourself.
“In your 20s you might have frowned when thinking about dating a guy
with a child or one that had previously been married,” says Mills. But
the chances are, if a man is is his 40s, there’s a higher probability he’s
been married or has kids. “Stay open to men that have been divorced,”
she adds.
3. Don’t lie. Don’t even inflate the truth.
Sure, you want to impress each other, but honesty from the start is a
prerequisite to trust, says psychotherapist, Dr. Jennifer Freed. “If the
picture or description of your date was inaccurate then the rest of the
relationship will likely be filled with deceptions too.”
4. Forget about any texting and calling
Rules
rules.like ‘wait 3 days to call back’ no longer apply. “If you treat dating
and love like a game, someone—or both of you—will end up the loser,”
says host of, The Rendezvous with Simon and Kim on iHeart Radio,
Simon Marcel Badinter. “If you want to, call back in the next 24 hours.
It has to be honest and spontaneous if you want to be respected and
start a healthy relationship.”
5. Pay attention to the red flags.
You know that feeling you get when you know something isn’t quite
right? If your date can’t answer simple questions about where he works
or acts super shady, chances that something weird is going on. “Listen
to what your gut is telling you,” says Mills. And that goes for behaviors
too. If he’s already getting on your nerves and it’s only the first date
that’s another indicator that you’re just not going to work.
6. Know who you are as a person.
This is a complex one but necessary to surviving in a rapid dating
world, says sex and relationship expert, Dr. Nikki Goldstein. “Building
strength and self-confidence is key. The reality of it is, dating can be
hard and feelings can be hurt. But if you know who you are and how
you want to be treated as then you won’t allow someone (or the dating
scene) to continually hurt or discourage you.”
7. Be emotionally available.
Maybe your past relationships haven’t turned out like you wanted them
to, or you feel like every date in the past month was a lemon. Well, get
over it. “It’s still up to you to open your heart—and keep it open. This
can be scary because you don’t want to get hurt. However, in order to
grow and connect, you must be available and vulnerable,” says Mills.
8. Watch the alcohol.
Especially on date number one. Not only can getting drunk be risky
and a turnoff, it also clouds your judgment. “Using substances like
alcohol or drugs is not a good first date. It’s a way to avoid a genuine
connection,” says Freed.
9. Remember that dating is an exploration.
Dating should be fun and nothing more than a way to meet and get to
know another person, who may or may not be fit to share your life with
you. “[DATING] IS NOT A COMMITMENT. THERE IS NO
OBLIGATION INVOLVED WITH DATING. NO ONE OWES ANYONE
ANYTHING EVER,” SAYS FREED. It’s easy to get excited about
someone and start planning your future together, but remember that
you’re both just figuring out if you even like each other first. Don’t put
pressure on things by feeling like you owe each other something, you
don’t.
10. Know your sexual boundaries.
“Many women can confuse sex and sexual desires with a guy’s
interest in them. He wants sex, she also wants sex but thinks him
wanting sex means there is something more,” says Goldstein. “Explore
your sexual boundaries and know where they are and why they’re
there.” And, even more importantly, don’t let yourself be pressured into
doing anything you don’t want to do just because you want to gain
someone’s f!cking interest.
11. Don’t hide your enthusiasm or interest.
One of the dating tips for women we hear a lot is not to let a man know
you like him, or to play hard to get. Well, that’s just wrong. Sure, a little
mystery may be sexy in the beginning, but the game gets old fast. Even
research shows that playing too much hard-to-get makes others like
you less. At a certain point, you just have to let the man know you’re
interested.
12. Be the date that you want to have.
It’s not only your date’s responsibility to make the date a success, it’s
your responsibility too. “Engage in dialogue. Put the cell phone away.
Be attentive. Ask questions. Don’t bring up your ex. Take an interest
in the details of his life by listening, paraphrasing, and engaging,” says
Mills.
13. Ditch the dating wish list.
Have your non-negotiables and boundaries, but dating with a strict
itemized wish list—he must make this much, be this tall, drive this car,
be this funny—will only hold you back from men who could be great
for you in real life and limit you to men who only look good on paper,
says Goldstein. “If you need a wish list it should be small and include
feeling words instead of car makes and job titles,” she adds.
14. Have fun and release the pressure.
It’s normal to feel pressure as you watch your friends get married and
have children, but remember that every person’s path is different. “You
don’t want to settle down with a guy who’s not right for you. Therefore,
release the pressure you place on yourself to lock down your next date
as your future husband. Take each date one date at a time and have
fun,” says Mills.
15. Be your true self.
Any falseness or pretending will stop you from knowing that someone
is into you. “If you’re real, you’ll get real results. Be brave, be true, and
most of all, believe that s
omeone will celebrate and desire you,” says Freed.
What does a man really need from a woman he’s dating? It’s not an
easy question. In fact, answering such a question requires a thorough
understanding of male psychology, human psychology, love,
behavioral patterns… the list could go on and on.
“What men want in women and from women is getting more complex
by the minute,” said expert Eric Jaffe in Psychology Today. “Men and
their motives are evolving.”
As social norms and the way we date and view relationships change,
so does what we want. This makes it more important than ever to
understand what men really need, not just what they say they need or
think they need.
True, there are some men who are good at communicating what they
want. But more often than not, men are taught to stay strong, be tough
in the face of sadness, and put up a false bravado when grappling with
emotions. Because of this, they often don’t think to communicate about
what they need in a relationship, or may not even be aware of it.
Though every man is different and the specific things that make them
happy vary, there are a few fundamental things that almost every man
needs from a woman he’s dating.
Here are the six most important needs from you when you’re in a
relationship:
1. Heart
Most men (not all) aren’t always able to share their worries, fears, and
frustrations with others. Because of this, they need a woman to open
up to, who is kind and understanding enough to be vulnerable with.
2. Attention
Men need women who are good listeners, because when they start
talking about something personal or private they get into a type of flow.
Interrupting this flow too much might cause a man to shut down.
Instead, when a man is opening up about something, offer him
feedback if he asks or seems receptive, but for the most part just let
him express himself.
Give him the space to be vulnerable by making an effort to be in a
good emotional state yourself. If you’re falling apart or always on an
emotional roller coaster, he won’t feel comfortable discussing his
issues with you. By being there for him when he’s ready to talk and
giving him your full attention, you’ll bring a refreshing sense of peace
and serenity to his life. I know, it sounds kind of airy-fairy and spiritual
but it’s true!
Just to be clear, I’m not saying you should be fake and have a giant
grin on your face at all times. (That’s not going to help anyone.) My
point here is that you should be a positive presence as much as you
can. This makes it easier for him to open up to y
It’s a little old school, but some men also want to be seen as heroes in
a sense. Not like he actually needs to save you, but he wouldn’t mind
saving the day once in a while. That means he wants to be someone
you look up to or go to for advice. Ask him questions about things
you’re genuinely interested in. Ask for his input. Going to the person
you care about when you’re struggling with something is part of a
healthy relationship and will also make a man feel needed and wanted.
3. Freedom
Freedom in a relationship means giving a man space when he needs
it, letting him go out with his male friends, encouraging his hobbies,
and respecting him as an individual separate from the relationship you
share. Giving a man freedom also means that he isn’t your entire life.
If you define yourself by the man you’re seeing, there’s a good chance
you could scare him away.
4. Trust
Tupac famously raps, “I want to take away your pain and misery but
all I need is your faith in me.” Having trust and faith in a man means
you think he’s a good person. You know him and aren’t trying to
accuse, blame, or attack him. If a man doesn’t feel comfortable with
you, he’ll move on to another woman. Trust and have faith in a man
unless he gives you a reason not to. Being on the same team, being
partners in crime, is at the heart of true love. If you want to give yourself
the chance to feel and experience this, learn to let go and trust the
person you’re with.
5. Authenticity
A man doesn’t want a woman who pretends to be one way in order to
please him. This can be misinterpreted as you having secret, hidden
agenda or can make you seem manipulative when you’re really just
trying to make someone happy. Instead of approaching your
relationship by asking yourself, “What does this man need from me?”
think of it as, “What do I want to give to this man?” Find what you
naturally want to give without looking to get anything in return. This is
an energy men (and human beings in general) can’t get enough of.
6. Sex & Attraction
It’s no secret that men, and women, need sex. But physical intimacy
includes a lot more than just sex including kissing, cuddling, teasing…
the whole shebang. Men need women who let them feel sexually open
and who aren’t afraid to be intimate or find pleasure. For both men and
women, sex is a way to feel connected and deepen your bond. Men
need to feel comfortable expressing their true sexual desires without
thinking they’ll be judged, shamed, or mocked for them.
Men (Most) don’t need big boobs, a tight little rear end, a flat stomach,
long hair, or a lot of makeup to be attracted. But they do need to be
turned on by the women they’re with. This doesn’t mean you need to
always have your hair done just right and your makeup absolutely
perfect but you should care about yourself and take care of your
appearance.
Trust me. Right now, you have what a man needs. And you’ll find a
man who naturally likes you for who you are and how you are. Don’t
worry about trying to fit into some mold of what a man needs. Instead,
love yourself and know you are good just the way you are.
