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OF THE BEST AUTHORS.

THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON.

VOLUME I.
 BOOKS BY THACKERAY .

JUST PUBLISHED IN THIS SERIES,

THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON : a Romance of the Last

Century. 2 vols. 16mo. $1 .
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 THE

LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON :

A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY.

BY

WILLIAM M. THACKERAY ,
113
AUTHOR OF " VANITY FAIR," " PENDENNIS," " MEN'S WIVES," " BOOK OF
SNOBS," YELLOWPLUSH PAPERS," ETC., ETC.

P
V R
I
VOLUME I. NI N
BL

ΤΩ
BI

NEW-YORK :
D. APPLETON & COMPANY, 200 BROADWAY.
1853.
 PUBLISHERS' ADVERTISEMENT.

THE following work is reprinted from Frazer's Maga.

zine for the year 1844.

NEW-YORK, November, 1852.

X
E 7
5
1
3
7
5
3 240354
 L
I
B
R
A
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I

i
deve
12

CONTENTS OF VOL. I.

CHAP. PAGE.
I. 9
II. ...... 40
III. IN WHICH BARRY LYNDON SHOWS HIMSELF TO BE A MAN OF
SPIRIT.... 61
IV. IN WHICH THE HERO MAKES A FALSE START IN THE GENTEEL
WORLD ...... 86
V. IN WHICH Barry takes a NEAR VIEW OF MILITARY GLORY 108
VI. IN WHICH BARRY TRIES TO REMOVE AS FAR FROM MILITARY
GLORY AS POSSIBLE ...... 124
VII. THE CRIMP WAGON- MILITARY EPISODES . ............. 148
VIII. BARRY LEADS A GARRISON LIFE, AND FINDS MANY FRIENDS
THERE ....... 176
IX. BARRY BIDS ADIEU TO THE MILITARY PROFESSION 195
X. 207
XI. MORE RUNS OF LUCK... 226
XII. IN WHICH THE LUCK GOES AGAINST BARRY 254
 THE

LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON .

CHAPTER I.

SINCE the days of Adam, there has been hardly a mis-

chief done in this world but a woman has been at the
bottom of it. Ever since ours was a family (and that
must be very near Adam's time, -so old, noble, and il-
lustrious are the Barrys, as every body knows), women
have played a mighty part with the destinies of our
race.
I presume that there is no gentleman in Europe.
that has not heard of the house of Barry of Barryogue,
of the kingdom of Ireland, than which a more famous
name is not to be found in Gwillim or D'Hozier ; and
though as a man of the world I have learned to despise
heartily the claims of some pretenders to high birth
who have no more genealogy than the lackey who
cleans my boots, and though I laugh to utter scorn the
boasting of many of my countrymen, who are all for
1*
10 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

descending from kings of Ireland, and talk of a domain

no bigger than would feed a pig as if it were a princi-
pality ; yet truth compels me to assert that my family
was the noblest of the island, and, perhaps, of the uni-
versal world ; while their possessions, now insignificant,
and torn from us by war, by treachery, by the loss of
time, by ancestral extravagance, by adhesion to the old
faith and monarch, were formerly prodigious, and em-
braced many counties, at a time when Ireland was
vastly more prosperous than now. I would assume the
Irish crown over my coat-of-arms, but that there are so
many silly pretenders to that distinction who bear it and
render it common .
Who knows, but for the fault of a woman, I might
have been wearing it now ? You start with incredulity.
I say, why not ? Had there been a gallant chief to
lead my countrymen, instead of puling knaves who
bent the knee to King Richard II. they might have
been freemen ; had there been a resolute leader to meet
the murderous ruffian, Oliver Cromwell, we should
have shaken off the English for ever. But there was
no BARRY in the field against the usurper ; on the con-
trary, my ancestor, Simon de Bary, came over with the
first-named monarch, and married the daughter of the
then King of Munster, whose sons in battle he piteously
slew.
In Oliver's time it was too late for a chief of the
name of Barry to lift up his war-cry against that of the
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 11

murderous brewer. We were princes of the land no

longer ; our unhappy race had lost its possessions a
century previously, and by the most shameful treason.
This I know to be the fact, for my mother has often
told me the story, and besides had worked it in a worsted
pedigree which hung up in the yellow saloon at Barry-
ville where we lived.
That very estate which the Lyndons now possess
in Ireland was once the property of my race. Rory
Barry of Barryogue owned it in Elizabeth's time, and
half Munster beside. The Barry was always in feud
with the O'Mahonys in those times ; and, as it hap-
pened, a certain English colonel passed through the
former's country with a body of men-at-arms, on the
very day when the O'Mahonys had made an inroad
upon our territories, and carried off a frightful plunder
of our flocks and herds.
This young Englishman, whose name was Roger
Lyndon, Linden, or Lyndaine, having been most hos-
pitably received by the Barry, and finding him just on
the point of carrying an inroad into the O'Mahony's
land, offered the aid of himself and his lances, and be-
haved himself so well, as it appeared, that the O'Ma-
honys were entirely overcome, all the Barrys' property
restored, and with it, says the old chronicle, twice as
much of the O'Mahonys' goods and cattle.
It was the setting in of the winter season, and the
young soldier was pressed by the Barry not to quit his
12 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

house of Barryogue, and remained there during several

months, his men being quartered with Barry's own
gallowglasses, man by man in the cottages round about.
They conducted themselves, as is their wont, with the
most intolerable insolence towards the Irish ; so much
so, that fights and murders continually ensued, and the
people vowed to destroy them.
The Barry's son (from whom I descend) was as
hostile to the English as any other man on his domain ;
and, as they would not go when bidden, he and his
friends consulted together and determined in destroying
these English to a man.
But they had let a woman into their plot, and this
was the Barry's daughter. She was in love with the
English Lyndon, and broke the whole secret to him ;
and the dastardly English prevented the just massacre
of themselves by falling upon the Irish, and destroying
Phaudrig Barry, my ancestor, and many hundreds of
his men. The cross at Barrycross near Carrignadihioul
is the spot where the odious butchery took place.
Lyndon married the daughter of Roderick Barry,
and claimed the estate which he left ; and though the
descendants of Phaudrig were alive, as indeed they are
in my person,* on appealing to the English courts,

* As we have never been able to find proofs of the mar-

riage of my ancestor Phaudrig with his wife, I make no doubt
that Lyndon destroyed the contract, and murdered the priest
and witnesses of the marriage. -B. L.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 13

the estate was awarded to the Englishman, as has ever

been the case where English and Irish were concerned .
Thus had it not been for the weakness of a woman,
I should have been born to the possession of those very
estates which afterwards came to me by merit , as you
shall hear. But to proceed with my family history.
My father was well known to the best circles in
this kingdom as in that of Ireland, under the name of
Roaring Harry Barry. He was bred like many other
young sons of genteel families to the profession of the
law, being articled to a celebrated attorney of Sackville
Street in the city of Dublin ; and, from his great
genius and aptitude for learning, there is no doubt he
would have made an eminent figure in his profession ,
had not his social qualities, love of field-sports, and ex-
traordinary graces of manner, marked him out for a
higher sphere. While he was attorney's clerk he kept
seven race-horses, and hunted regularly both with the
Kildare and Wicklow hunts ; and rode on his grey
horse Endymion that famous match against Captain
Punter, which is still remembered by lovers of the sport,
and of which I caused a splendid picture to be made
and hung over my dining-hall mantel-piece at Castle
Lyndon. A year afterwards he had the honour of rid-
ing that very horse Endymion before his late majesty
King George II. on Epsom Downs, and won the plate
there and the attention of the august sovereign.
Although he was only the second son of our family,
14 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

my dear father came naturally into the estate (now

miserably reduced to 400l. a year) ; for my grand-
father's eldest son Cornelius Barry (called the Cheva-
lier Borgne, from a wound which he received in Ger-
many), remained constant to the old religion in which
our family was educated, and not only served abroad
with credit, but against his most sacred majesty George
II. in the unhappy Scotch disturbances in '45 . We
shall hear more of the Chevalier hereafter.
For the conversion of my father I have to thank my
dear mother, Miss Bell Brady, daughter of Ulysses
Brady of Castle Brady, county Kerry, Esquire and
J. P. She was the most beautiful woman of her day in
Dublin, and universally called the Dasher there. See-
ing her at the assembly, my father became passionately
attached to her ; but her soul was above marrying a
papist or an attorney's clerk ; and so for the love of
her, the good old laws being then in force, my dear
father slipped into my uncle Cornelius's shoes and took
the family estate. Besides the force of my mother's
bright eyes, several persons, and of the genteelest soci-
ety too, contributed to this happy change ; and I have
often heard my mother laughingly tell the story of my
father's recantation, which was solemnly pronounced at
the tavern in the company of Sir Dick Ringwood, Lord
Bagwig, Captain Punter, and two or three other young
sparks of the town. Roaring Harry won 300 pieces
that very night at faro, and laid the necessary informa-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 15

tion the next morning against his brother ; but his

conversion caused a coolness between him and my uncle
Corney, who joined the rebels in consequence.
This great difficulty being settled, my Lord Bagwig
lent my father his own yatch, then lying at the Pigeon
House, and the handsome Bell Barry was induced to
run away with him to England, although her parents
were against the match, and her lovers (as I have heard
her tell many thousands of times) were among the
most numerous and the most wealthy in all the king-
dom of Ireland. They were married at the Savoy, and
my grandfather dying very soon, Harry Barry, Esquire,
took possession of his paternal property and supported
our illustrious name with credit in London. He pinked
the famous Count Tiercelin behind Montague House,
he was a member of White's, and a frequenter of all
the chocolate houses ; and my mother, likewise, made
no small figure. At length, after his great day of tri-
umph before his sacred majesty at Newmarket, Harry's
fortune was just on the point of being made, for the
gracious monarch promised to provide for him. But,
alas ! he was taken in charge by another monarch,
whose will will have no delay or denial,-by Death,
namely, who seized upon my father at Chester races,
leaving me an helpless orphan. Peace be to his ashes !
He was not faultless, and dissipated all our princely
family property ; but he was as brave a fellow as ever
16 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

tossed a bumper or called a main, and he drove bis

coach-and-six like a man of fashion.
I do not know whether his gracious majesty was
much affected by this sudden demise of my father,
though my mother says he shed some royal tears on
the occasion. But they helped us to nothing ; and all
that was found in the house for the wife and creditors
was a purse of ninety guineas, which my dear mother
naturally took, with the family plate, and my father's
wardrobe and her own ; and, putting them into our
great coach, drove off to Holyhead, whence she took
shipping for Ireland . My father's body accompanied
us in the finest hearse and plumes money could buy ;
for though the husband and wife had quarrelled re-
peatedly in life, yet at my father's death his high-
spirited widow forgot all her differences, gave him the
grandest funeral that had been seen for many a day,
and erected a monument over his remains (for which I
subsequently paid), which declared him to be the wisest,
purest, and most affectionate of men.
In performing these sad duties over her deceased
lord, the widow spent almost every guinea she had,
and, indeed, would have spent a great deal more, had
she discharged one-third of the demands which the
ceremonies occasioned. But the people around our old
house of Barryogue, although they did not like my
father for his change of faith, yet stood by him at this
moment, and were for exterminating the mutes sent by
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 17

Mr. Plumer of London with the lamented remains.

The monument and vault in the church were then,
alas all that remained of my vast possessions ; for my
father had sold every stick of the property to one Not-
ley, an attorney, and we received but a cold welcome
in his house- a miserable old tumble-down place it
was.
The splendour of the funeral did not fail to increase
the widow Barry's reputation as a woman of spirit and
fashion ; and when she wrote to her brother Michael
Brady, that worthy gentleman immediately rode across
the country to fling himself in her arms, and to invite
her in his wife's name to Castle Brady.
Mick and Barry had quarrelled, as all men will,
and very high words had passed between them during
Barry's courtship of Miss Bell. When he took her off,
Brady swore he would never forgive Barry or Bell ; but
coming to London in the year '46, he fell in once more
with Roaring Harry, and lived in his fine house in
Clarges-street, and lost a few pounds to him at play,
and broke a watchman's head or two in his compa-
ny,- all of which reminiscences endeared Bell and her

* In another part of his memoir Mr. Barry will be found

to describe this mansion as one of the most splendid palaces in
Europe, but this is a practice not unusual with his nation ; and,
with respect to the Irish principality claimed by him, it is
known that Mr. Barry's grandfather was an attorney and maker
of his own fortune.- ED.
18 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

son very much to the good-hearted gentleman, and he

received us both with open arms. Mrs. Barry did not,
perhaps wisely, at first make known to her friends what
was her condition ; but arriving in a huge gilt coach,
with enormous armorial bearings, was taken by her
sister-in-law and the rest of the county for a person of
considerable property and distinction .
For a time, then, and as was right and proper, Mrs.
Barry gave the law at Castle Brady. She ordered the
servants to and fro, and taught them, what indeed they
much wanted, a little London neatness ; and " English
Redmond," as I was called, was treated like a little lord,
and had a maid and a footman to himself ; and honest
Mick paid their wages,-which was much more than
he was used to do for his own domestics,-doing all in
his power to make his sister decently comfortable under
her afflictions. Mamma, in return, determined that,
when her affairs were arranged, she would make her
kind brother a handsome allowance for her son's main-
tenance and her own ; and promised to have her hand-
some furniture brought over from Clarges-street to adorn
somewhat the dilapidated rooms of Castle Brady.
But it turned out, that the rascally landlord seized
upon every chair and table that ought by rights to be-
long to the widow. The estate to which I was heir
was in the hands of rapacious creditors ; and the only
means of subsistence remaining to the widow and child
was a rent-charge of 50%. upon my Lord Bagwig's pro-
 L
I
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A
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T
A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY.

O
T
Y
perty, who had many turf-dealings with the deceased
And so my dear mother's liberal intentions towards her
brother were, of course, never fulfilled.
It must be confessed, very much to the discredit of
Mrs. Brady, of Castle Brady, that when her sister-in-
law's poverty was thus made manifest, she forgot all
the respect which she had been accustomed to pay her,
instantly turned my maid and man-servant out of doors,
and told Mrs. Barry that she might follow them as soon
as she chose. Mrs. Mick was of a low family, and a
sordid way of thinking ; and after about a couple of
years (during which she had saved almost all her little
income) the widow complied with Madam Brady's de-
sire. At the same time, giving way to a just, though
prudently dissimulated resentment, she made a vow
that she would never enter the gates of Castle Brady
while the lady of the house remained alive within
them.
She fitted up her new abode with much economy
and considerable taste, and never, for all her poverty,
abated a jot of the dignity which was her due, and
which all the neighborhood awarded to her. How,
indeed, could they refuse respect to a lady who had
lived in London, frequented the most fashionable so-
ciety there, and had been presented (as she solemnly
declared) at court ? These advantages gave her a
right which seems to be pretty unsparingly exercised
in Ireland by those natives who have it,—the right of
B
20 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

looking down with scorn upon all persons who have

not had the opportunity of quitting the mother-coun-
try and inhabiting England for a while. Thus, when-
ever Madam Brady appeared abroad in a new dress,
her sister-in-law would say, " Poor creature ! how can
it be expected that she should know any thing of the
fashion ?" And though pleased to be called the
Handsome Widow, as she was, Mrs. Barry was still
better pleased to be called the English widow.
Mrs. Brady, for her part, was not slow to reply ; she
used to say that thé defunct Barry was a bankrupt and
a beggar ; and as for the fashionable society which he
saw, he saw it from my lord Bagwig's side-table, whose
flatterer and hanger-on he was known to be. Regard-
ing Mrs. Barry, the lady of Castle Brady would make
insinuations still more painful. However, why should
we allude to these charges, or rake up private scandal
of near sixty years old ? * It was in the reign of
George II. that the above-named personages lived
and quarrelled ; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich
or poor, they are all equal now ; and do not the Sun-
day papers and the courts of law supply us every week
with more novel and interesting slander ?
At any rate, it must be allowed that Mrs. Brady,
after her husband's death and her retirement, lived in
such a way as to defy slander. For whereas Bell

* Mr. Barry's papers were written about 1800.

 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 21

Brady had been the gayest girl in the whole county

of Wexford, with half the bachelors at her feet, and
plenty of smiles and encouragement for every one of
them, Bell Barry adopted a dignified reserve that almost
amounted to pomposity, and was as starch as any Qua-
keress. Many a man renewed his offers to the widow,
who had been smitten by the charms of the spinster ;
but Mrs. Barry refused all offers of marriage, declaring
that she lived now for her son only, and for the mem-
ory of her departed saint.
" Saint, forsooth ! " said ill-natured Mrs. Brady.
"Harry Barry was as big a sinner as ever was known ;
and 'tis notorious that he and Bell hated each other.
If she won't marry now, depend on it, the artful woman
has a husband in her eye for all that, and only waits
until Lord Bagwig is a widower."
And suppose she did, what then ? Was not the
widow of a Barry fit to marry with any lord of Eng-
land and was it not always said that a woman was to
restore the fortunes of the Barry family ? If my mother
fancied that she was to be that woman, I think it was a
perfectly justifiable notion on her part ; for the earl
(my godfather) was always most attentive to her ; and
I never knew how deeply this notion of advancing my
interests in the world had taken possession of mamma's
mind, until his lordship's marriage in the year 257 with
Miss Goldmore, the Indian nabob's rich daughter.
Meanwhile, we continued to reside at Barryville,
22 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

and, considering the smallness of our income, kept up

a wonderful state. Of the half-dozen families that
formed the congregation at Brady's Town , there was
not a single person whose appearance was so respecta-
ble as that of the widow, who, though she always
dressed in mourning, in memory of her deceased hus-
band, took care that her garments should be made so
as to set off her handsome person to the greatest ad-
vantage ; and, indeed, I think, spent six hours out of
every day in the week in cutting, trimming, and alter-
ing them to the fashion. She had the largest of hoops ,
and the handsomest of furbelows, and once a-month
(under my Lord Bagwig's cover) would come a letter
from London containing the newest accounts of the
fashion there. Her complexion was so brilliant that
she had no call to use rouge, as was the mode in those
days. No, she left red and white, she said ( and hence
the reader may imagine how the two ladies hated each
other) to Madam Brady, whose yellow complexion no
plaster could alter. In a word, she was so accomplished
a beauty, that all the women in the country took pat-
tern by her, and the young fellows from ten miles round
would ride over to Castle Brady church to have the
sight of her.
But if (like every other woman that ever I saw or
read of) she was proud of her beauty, to do her justice
she was still more proud of her son, and has said a
thousand times to me that I was the handsomest
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 23

young fellow in the world . This is a matter of taste.

A man of sixty may, however, say what he was at
fourteen without much vanity, and I must say I think
there was some cause for my mother's opinion. The
good soul's pleasure was to dress me ; and on Sundays
and holidays I turned out in a velvet coat with a silver-
hilted sword by my side and a gold garter at my knee,
as fine as any lord in the land. My mother worked
me several most splendid waistcoats, and I had plenty
of lace for my ruffles, and a fresh riband to my hair,
and as we walked to church on Sundays, even envious
Mrs. Brady was found to allow that there was not a
prettier pair in the kingdom .
Of course, too, the lady of Castle Brady used to
sneer, because on these occasions a certain Tim, who
used to be called my valet, followed me and my
mother to church, carrying a huge prayer-book and
a cane, and dressed in the livery of one of our own
fine footmen from Clarges-street, which, as Tim was a
bandy-shanked little fellow, did not exactly become
him. But, though poor, we were gentlefolks, and not
to be sneered out of these becoming appendages to our
rank ; and so would march up the aisle to our pew
with as much state and gravity as the lord-lieutenant's
lady and son might do. When there, my mother
would give the responses and amens in a loud, dig-
nified voice that was delightful to hear, and, besides,
had a fine loud voice for singing, which art she had
24 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

perfected in London under a fashionable teacher ; and

she would exercise her talent in such a way that you
would hardly hear any other voice of the little congre-
gation which chose to join in the psalm. In fact, my
mother had great gifts in every way, and believed her-
self to be one of the most beautiful, accomplished, and
meritorious persons in the world. Often and often has
she talked to me and the neighbors regarding her own
humility and piety, pointing them out in such a way
that I would defy the most obstinate to disbelieve her.
When we left Castle Brady we came to occupy a
house in Brady's Town, which mamma christened Bar-
ryville. I confess it was but a small place, but, indeed,
we made the most of it. I have mentioned the family
pedigree which hung up in the drawing-room, which
mamma called the yellow saloon , and my bed-room
was called the pink bed-room, and hers the orange-
tawny apartment (how well I remember them all !) ;
and at dinner-time Tim regularly rang a great bell, and
we each had a silver tankard to drink from, and mother
boasted with justice that I had as good a bottle of claret
by my side as any squire of the land. So, indeed , I
had, but I was not, of course, allowed at my tender
years to drink any of the wine, which thus attained a
considerable age, even in the decanter.
Uncle Brady (in spite of the family quarrel) found
out the above fact one day by calling at Barryville at
dinner-time, and unluckily tasting the liquor. You
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 25

should have seen how he sputtered and made faces !

But the honest gentleman was not particular about his
wine or the company in which he drank it. He would
get drunk, indeed, with the parson or the priest, indif-
ferently with the latter, much to my mother's indigna-
tion, for, as a true blue Nassauite, she heartily despised
all those of the old faith, and would scarcely sit down
in the room with a benighted Papist. But the squire
had no such scruples ; he was, indeed , one of the easiest,
idlest, and best-natured fellows that ever lived , and many
an hour would he pass with the lonely widow when he
was tired of Madam Brady at home. He liked me, he
said, as much as one of his own sons, and at length,
after the widow had held out for a couple of years, she
agreed to allow me to return to the castle ; though, for
herself, she resolutely kept the oath which she had made
with regard to her sister-in-law.
The very first day I returned to Castle Brady my
trials may be said, in a manner, to have begun. My
cousin, Master Mick, a huge monster of nineteen (who
hated me, and I promise you I returned the compli
ment), insulted me at dinner about my mother's pov-
erty, and made all the girls of the family titter. So
when we went to the stables, whither Mick always
went for his pipe of tobacco after dinner, I told him
a piece of my mind, and there was a fight for at least
ten minutes, during which I stood to him like a man,
and blacked his left eye, though I was myself only
2
26 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

twelve years old at the time. Of course he beat me,

but a beating makes only a small impression on a lad
of that tender age, as
་ I had proved many times in bat-
tles with the ragged Brady's Town boys before, not one
of whom, at my time of life, was my match. My uncle
was very much pleased when he heard of my gallantry ;
my cousin Nora brought brown paper and vinegar for
my nose, and I went home that night with a pint of
claret under my girdle, not a little proud, let me tell
you, at having held my own against Mick so long.
And though he persisted in his bad treatment of
me, and used to cane me whenever I fell in his way,
yet I was very happy now at Castle Brady with the
company there, and my cousins, or some of them , and
the kindness of my uncle, with whom I became a pro-
digious favorite. He bought a colt for me, and taught
me to ride. He took me out coursing and fowling, and
instructed me to shoot flying. And , at length, I was
released from Mick's persecution, for his brother, Master
Ulick, returning from Trinity College, and hating his
elder brother, as is mostly the way in families of fash-
ion, took me under his protection, and from that time,
as Ulick was a deal bigger and stronger than Mick, I,
English Redmond, as I was called, was left alone, ex-
cept when the former thought fit to thrash me, which
he did whenever he thought proper .

Nor was my learning neglected in the ornamental

parts, for I had an uncommon natural genius for many
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 27

things, and soon topped in accomplishments most of

the persons around me. I had a quick ear and a fine
voice, which my mother cultivated to the best of her
power, and she taught me to step a minuet gravely
and gracefully, and thus laid the foundation of my fu-
ture success in life. The common dances I learned, as,
perhaps, I ought not to confess, in the servants' hall,
which, you may be sure, was never without a piper,
and where I was considered unrivalled both at a horn-
pipe and a jig.
In the matter of book-learning, I had always an
uncommon taste for reading plays and novels, as the
best part of a gentleman's polite education, and never
let a pedlar pass the village, if I had a penny, without
having a ballad or two from him. As for your dull
grammar, and Greek, and Latin, and stuff, I have al-
ways hated them from my youth upwards, and said,
very unmistakeably, I would have none of them.
This I proved pretty clearly at the age of thirteen,
when my aunt Biddy Brady's legacy of 1007. came in
to mamma, who thought to employ the sum on my
education, and sent me to Doctor Tobias Tickler's
famous academy at Ballywhacket-Backwhacket, as
my uncle used to call it. But six weeks after I had
been consigned to his reverence, I suddenly made my
appearance again at Castle Brady, having walked forty
miles from the odious place, having left the doctor in
a state near upon apoplexy. The fact was, that at
28 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

taw, prison-bars, or boxing, I was at the head of the

school, but could not be brought to excel in the clas-
sics ; and after having been flogged seven times with-
out its doing me the least good in my Latin, I refused
to submit altogether (finding it useless) to an eighth
application of the rod . " Try some other way, sir,"
said I, when he was for horseing me once more ; but
he wouldn't ; whereon, and to defend myself, I flung a
slate at him, and knocked down a Scotch usher with a
leaden inkstand . All the lads hurraed at this, and
some of the servants wanted to stop me, but, taking out
a large clasp-knife that my cousin Nora had given me,
I swore I would plunge it into the waistcoat of the first
man who dared to balk me, and i' faith, they let me
pass on. I slept that night twenty miles off Bally-
whacket, at the house of a cottier, who gave me pota-
toes and milk, and to whom I gave a hundred guineas
after, when I came to visit Ireland in my days of great-
ness. I wish I had the money now. But what's the
use of regret ? I have had many a harder bed than
that I shall sleep on to-night, and many a scantier
meal than honest Phil Murphy gave me on the evening
I ran away from school. So six weeks was all the
schooling I ever got. And I say this to let parents
know the value of it, for though I have met more
learned bookworms in the world, especially a great
hulking, clumsy, blear-eyed old doctor, whom they
called Johnson, and who lived in a court off Fleet
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 29

Street, in London, yet I pretty soon silenced him in an

argument (at Button's Coffeehouse), and in that, and in
poetry, and in what I call natural philosophy, or the
science of life, and in riding, music, leaping, the small
sword, the knowledge of a horse, or a main of cocks,
and the manners of an accomplished gentleman and a
man of fashion, I may say for myself that Redmond
Barry has seldom found his equal. " Sir," said I to
Mr. Johnson, on the occasion I allude to- he was
accompanied by a Mr. Buswell of Scotland, and I was
presented to the club by a Mr. Goldsmith, a country-
man of my own,-" Sir," said I, in reply to the school-
master's great thundering quotation in Greek, " you
fancy you know a great deal more than me, because
you quote your Aristotle and your Pluto, but can you
tell me which horse will win at Epsom Downs next
week ? Can you run six miles without breathing ?—
Can you shoot the ace of spades ten times without
missing ? If so, talk about Aristotle and Pluto to me.”
"D'ye knaw who ye're speaking to ?" roared out
the Scotch gentleman, Mr. Buswell, at this.
"Hold your tongue, Mr. Boswell," said the old
schoolmaster. " I had no right to brag of my Greek
to the gentleman, and he has answered me very well."
" Doctor," says I, looking waggishly at him, " do
you know ever a rhyme for Aristotle ?"
" Port, if you plaise," says Mr. Goldsmith , laughing.
And we had six rhymes for Aristotle before we left the
30 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

coffeehouse that evening. It became a regular joke

afterwards when I told the story, and at White's, or
the Cocoa-tree, you would hear the wags say, “ Waiter,
bring one of Captain Barry's rhymes for Aristotle !"
Once, when I was in liquor at the latter place, Dick
Sheridan called me a great Staggerite, a joke which I
could never understand. But I am wandering from my
story, and must get back to home, and dear old Ireland
again.
I have made acquaintance with the best in the land
since, and my manners are such, I have said, as to
make me the equal of them all ; and, perhaps, you will
wonder how a country boy, as I was, educated amongst
Irish squires, and their dependants of the stable and
farm, should arrive at possessing such elegant manners
as I was indisputably allowed to have. I had, the fact
is, a very valuable instructor in the person of an old
gamekeeper, who had served the French king at Fon-
tenoy, and who taught me the dances, and customs,
and a smattering of the language of that country, with
the use of the sword, both small and broad. Many
and many a long mile I have trudged by his side as a
lad, he telling me wonderful stories of the French king,
and the Irish brigade, and Marshal Saxe, and the
opera-dancers ; he knew my uncle, too, the Chevalier
Borgne, and, indeed, had a thousand accomplishments
which he taught me in secret. I never knew a man

like him for making or throwing a fly, for physicking a

 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 31

horse, or breaking, or choosing one ; he taught me

manly sports, from birds'-nesting upwards, and I al-
ways shall consider Phil Purcell as the very best tutor
I could have had. His fault was drink, but for that I
have always had a blind eye ; and he hated my cousin
Mick like poison, but I could excuse him that too.
With Phil, and at the age of fifteen, I was a more
accomplished man than either of my cousins ; and I
think Nature had been, also, more bountiful to me in
the matter of person. Some of the Castle Brady girls
(as you shall hear presently) adored me. At fair and
races many of the prettiest lasses present said they
would like to have me for their bachelor, and yet,
somehow, it must be confessed, I was not popular.
•
In the first place, every one knew I was bitter
poor ; and I think, perhaps, it was my good mother's
fault that I was bitter proud too . I had a habit of
boasting in company of my birth, and splendour of my
carriages, gardens, cellars, and domestics, and this.
before people who were perfectly aware of my real cir-
cumstances. If it was boys, and they ventured to
sneer, I would beat them, or die for it ; and many's the
time I've been brought home well nigh killed by one
or more of them, on what, when my mother asked me,
I would say was " a family quarrel." " Support your
name with your blood, Reddy, my boy," would that
saint say, with the tears in her eyes ; and so would
32 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

she herself have done with her voice, ay, and her teeth
and nails.
Thus, at fifteen, there was scarce a lad of twenty,
for half-a-dozen miles round , that I had not beat for
one cause or other. There were the vicar's two sons of
Castle Brady- in course I could not associate with such
beggarly brats as them, and many a battle did we have
as to who should take the wall in Brady's town ; there
was Pat Lurgan, the blacksmith's son, who had the
better of me four times before we came to the crowning
fight, when I overcame him ; and I could mention a
score more of my deeds of prowess in that way, but that
fisticuff facts are dull subjects to talk of, and to discuss
before high-bred gentlemen and ladies.
However, there is another subject, ladies, on which
I must discourse, and that is never out of place. Day
and night you like to hear of it ; young and old, you
dream and think of it. Handsome and ugly (and,
faith, before fifty, I never saw such a thing as a plain
woman), it's the subject next to the hearts of all of
you ; and I think you guess my riddle without more
trouble. Love ! sure the word is formed on purpose
out of the prettiest soft vowels and consonants in the
language, and he or she who does not care to read about
it is not worth a fig to my thinking.
It may possibly be becoming for ladies to fall in
love only once in their lives -viz. with the happy indi-
vidual on whom their hands are bestowed :-it may, I
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 33

say, be possibly becoming and virtuous in them to

bring virgin hearts to St. George's, Hanover Square ;
and it is certain that the jealous, greedy, selfish sultan,
Man, would so confine their affections, if he could , nor
allow them to think and feel until such time as he
chooses to select them as objects of his favour. But for
his own part, man, the whiskered lord and master, is
by no means so squeamish, as every man of tolerable
sensibilities will aver who reads this, and will take the
trouble of computing how many times from his earliest
youth up to the perusal of this sentence, he has given
way to the tender passion.
Can any man lay his hand upon his waistcoat and
conscientiously say, " Until I saw the present Mrs.
Jones, I never was in love in my life ?" Can any man
say so ? He is a poor creature if he can ; and I make
no doubt he has had at least forty first loves since he
began to be capable of admiring at all. As for the la-
dies-them, of course, I put out of the question,-they
are fresh, no doubt : they never fall in love until
mamma tells them that Mr. So-and-So is an amiable
young man, and in every way eligible ; they never
flirt with Captain Smith at a ball ; and sigh as they lie
at home in bed, and think what a charming, dashing
fellow he is ; they never hear the young curate read
his sermon so sweetly, and think how pale and inter-
esting he looks, and how lonely he must feel in his
curacy-house, and what a noble work it would be to
2*
84 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

share the solitude, and soothe the pains, and listen to

the delightful doctrine, of so excellent a man ; they
never think of attaching themselves to any mortal ex-
cept their brother, until he brings home a young friend
from college, and says, " Mary, Tom Atkinson admires
you hugely, and is heir to two thousand a-year !"
They never begin the attack, as I have heard ; but
their young hearts wait like so many fortresses, to be
attacked and carried after a proper period of siege-by
blockade, or by bribery, or by capitulation, or by fiery
escalade.
Whilst ladies persist in maintaining the strictly de-
fensive condition, men must naturally, as it were, take
the opposite line, that of attack ; otherwise, if both
parties held aloof, there would be no more marriages ;
and the two hosts would die in their respective inac-
tion, without ever coming to a battle. Thus it is evi-
dent that as the ladies will not, the men must take the
offensive. I, for my part, have made in the course of
my life, at least a score of chivalrous attacks upon
several strongly fortified hearts. Sometimes I began
my works too late in the season, and winter suddenly
came and rendered further labours impossible ; some-
times I have attacked the breach madly, sword in
hand, and have been plunged violently from the scal-
ing-ladder into the ditch ; sometimes I have made a
decent lodgment in the place, when-bang ! blows up
a mine, and I am scattered to the deuce ! and some-
A.ག75

A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 35

times when I have been in the very heart of the citadel

-ah, that I should say it !—a sudden panic has struck
me, and I have run like the British out of Carthagena !
One grows tired after a while of such perpetual activity.
Is it not time that the ladies should take an innings ?
Let us widowers and bachelors form an association to de-
clare that for the next hundred years we will make love
no longer. Let the young women come and make love
to us ; let them write us verses ; let them ask us to
dance, get us ices and cups of tea, and help us on with
our cloaks at the hall-door ; and if they are eligible, we
may perhaps be induced to yield and say, " La, Miss
Hopkins I really never I am so agitated - ask
papa !"
My day is over, however ; my race is run, and the
above hint is only thrown out for those who shall come
after me. But in the matter of love I showed my
genius early ; and if in after times I achieved, as shall
be shown, vast and signal victories over the fair sex,
this fact only proves my merit and courage the more ;
for in my first affair I was woefully unsuccessful.
Ah ! that first affair, how well one remembers it !
What a noble discovery it is that the boy makes when
he finds himself actually and truly in love with some
one ! What a delicious magnificent secret it is that he
carries about with him ! My first love was like my
first gold watch (an elegant French gold repeater). I
used to go into corners, and contemplate and gloat
36 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

over my treasure ; to take it to bed with me, and lay it

under my pillow of nights, and wake of mornings with
the happy consciousness that it was there. What a
change does that blessed first love make in a lad ! You
fall in love, say of a Sunday ; a young woman at
church modestly hands you the psalm-book, and blushes
and droops down her eyes, as she tremulously sings the
Old Hundredth. By the time the music is done, you
have passed over into a new state of existence, and
your childhood lies far away from you. It was only on
Saturday that you had made a party for cricket, and
were longing for Monday to be a fine day. It was but
last Friday, Heaven bless us ! that you and Harry
Hunter had been examining curiously a certain apple-
tree in Farmer Smith's orchard, and had settled (after
knocking down one of the fruits with a stone, and try-
ing each of you a slice of it) that the apples would be
ripe in about a fortnight, and the tree in a fit state for
robbing. Psha ! is it possible that only three days
since you had an ambition for robbing orchards, and
looked forward to the pleasure of hiding a store of the
stolen pippins under your bed ? Is it possible that the
setting up of three yellow stumps upon a meadow, and
the dexterous knocking down of them, should have
been the chief ambition of your life ? There lies the
cricket-ball, which you greased carefully over night ;
before going to church even, you looked at it to exam-
ine its condition, and I believe spent the best part of
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 37

the half-hour during sermon in the morning in cutting

a pair of bales for the wickets. Evening-service is
over. Fanny Edwards and her mother have slowly
strolled home over the fields to tea ; and as you pass
by Smith's apple-tree, you blush to think that you could
ever have had a longing for the silly green codlins
shining among the leaves, and put away your wicket-
sticks in a rage. And what is the cause of all this ?
You and Fanny have been holding on by one hymn-
book ; you have done it any time these six years ; but
what made her blush and you tremble so this time ?
She is eight years older than you (that follows, of
course) ; and if there was a humiliation for you in the
world some few months back, it was to be obliged to
walk with her. You cried for rage one day when she
gave you a kiss, and called you a pretty little boy ;
after dinner, when you were told by your papa to walk
off to the ladies, you sat in the very farthest corner of
the room away from her, or passed the evening with
the gardener's boy, or with Tom in the stables, or with
making ducks and drakes on the ponds,-any how
rather than with Fanny Edwards, whom you abomi-
nated next to the schoolmaster.
What a change now !-ah, gods, what a royal
change ! How different is Fanny Edwards ! What
has happened to her that she has become an angel
since yesterday, or what strange enchantment has fallen
upon you, that she should seem like one ? Shall we
38 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

go on in this strain, and discourse through this entire

chapter upon the nature and peculiarities of love, and
its influences upon the youthful bosom ? No, no ! such
things had best be thought about, not spoken of. Let
any man who has a mind to do so fall back in his
chair, dropping the book out of his hand-fall back
into his chair, and call back the sleeping sweet remi-
niscences of his early love-days, long before he ever
saw Mrs. Jones. She, good woman, has sent down
half-a-dozen times already to say that tea is waiting.
Never mind ; sit still, Jones, and dream on. Call back
again that early, brilliant, immortal first love. What
matters what the object of it was ? Perhaps a butch-
er's daughter down the village ; perhaps a great, skinny,
ogling French governess ; perhaps a fat, meek, fair-
haired clergyman's daughter, that was ten years older
than yourself, as a matter of course.
Never mind who it was : it is not of the least con-
sequence. As a general rule, nothing comes of a first
love ; and a wise and lucky chance it is, too ; for ten
to one the object of it is unworthy, and the gratification
of it would make a poor lad miserable for life. And it
has always appeared to me that the tender passion in
due season gushes instinctively out of a man's heart ;
and that he loves as a bird sings or a rose blows, from
nature, and because he cannot help it. As I have read
in a Persian song-book,-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 39

The nightingale sings in the garden : perhaps it is a princess

who hears his music.
The rose blushes in the parterre : perhaps it is gathered by
the black cook, who has come to cut pot-herbs for dinner.
*
Fate sports with us, my friends ; women have ruled
us since the days of Adam. With this sentiment I be-
gun, and with it will end my chapter.

* also to snoow dus many flowers

the towers . **
40 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER II.

My uncle's family consisted of ten children ; who, as is

the custom in such large families, were divided into
two camps, or parties ; the one siding with their mam-
ma, the other taking the part of my uncle in all the
numerous quarrels which arose between that gentleman
and his lady. Mrs. Brady's faction was headed by
Mick, the eldest son, who hated me so, and disliked
his father for keeping him out of his property ; while
Ulick, the second brother, was his father's own boy ;
and, in revenge, Master Mick was desperately afraid of
him. I need not mention the girls' names ; I had
plague enough with them in after-life, Heaven knows ;
and one of them was the cause of all my early trou-
bles ; this was (though to be sure all her sisters denied
it) the belle of the family, Miss Honoria Brady by name,
-the remembrance of whom inspired all those remarks
concerning love, with which I finished off the foregoing
chapter, and which I hope all fair young ladies and
youths entering life have well considered.
She said she was only nineteen at the time ; but I
could read the fly-leaf in the family-bible as well as an-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 41

other (it was one of the three books which, with the
backgammon-board, formed my uncle's library), and
know that she was born in the year '37, and christened
by Dr. Swift, dean of St. Patrick's, Dublin : hence she
was three-and-twenty years old at the time she and I
were so much together.
When I come to think about her now, I know she
never could have been handsome ; for her figure was
rather of the fattest, and her mouth of the widest ; she
was freckled over like a partridge's egg, and her hair
was the colour of a certain vegetable which we eat with
boiled beef, to use the mildest term. Often and often
would my dear mother make these remarks concerning
her ; but I did not believe them then, and somehow
had gotten to think Honoria an angelical being far
above all the other angels of her sex.
And as we know very well that a lady who is skilled
in dancing or singing never can perfect herself without
a deal of study in private, and that the song or the min-
uet which are performed with so much graceful ease in
the assembly-room have not been acquired but with
vast labour and perseverance in private ; so it is with
the dear creatures who are skilled in coquetting. Hono-
ria, for instance, was always practising, and she would
take poor me to rehearse her accomplishment upon ; or
the exciseman, when he came his rounds, or the stew-
ard, or the poor curate, or the young apothecary's lad
from Brady's Town, whom I recollect beating once for
42 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

that very reason. If he is alive now I make him my

apologies. Poor fellow ! as if it was his fault that he
should be a victim to the wiles of one of the greatest
coquettes (considering her obscure life and rustic breed-
ing) in the world.
If the truth must be told, and every word of this
narrative of my life is of the most sacred veracity, my
passion for Nora began in a very vulgar and unroman-
tic way. I did not save her life ; on the contrary, I
once very nearly killed her, as you shall hear. I did
not behold her by moonlight playing on the guitar, or
rescue her from the hands of ruffians, as Alfonso does
Lindamira in the novel ; but one day after dinner at
Brady's Town in summer, going into the garden to pull
gooseberries for my dessert, and thinking only of goose-
berries, I pledge my honour, I came upon Miss Nora
and one of her sisters, with whom she was friends at
the time, who were both engaged in the very same
amusement.
"What's the Latin for gooseberry, Redmond ?"
says she. She was always " poking her fun," as the
Irish phrase it.
" I know the Latin for goose," says I.
" And what's that ?" cries Miss Mysie, as pert as a
peacock.
"Bo to you !" says I (for I had never a want of
wit) ; and so we fell to work at the gooseberry-bush,
laughing and talking as happy as might be. In the
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 43

course of our diversion Nora managed to scratch her

arm, and it bled , and she screamed, and it was mighty
round and white, and tied it up, and I believe was
permitted to kiss her hand ; and though it was as big
and pudgy a hand as ever you saw, yet I thought the
favour the most ravishing one that was ever conferred
upon me, and went home in the exact condition of the
young lad described in the last chapter.
I was much too simple a fellow to disguise any sen-
timent I chanced to feel in those days ; and not one of
the light Castle Brady girls but was soon aware of my
passion, and joked and complimented Nora about her
bachelor.
The torments of jealousy the cruel coquette made
me endure were horrible. Sometimes she would treat
me as a child, sometimes as a man. She would al-
ways leave me if ever there came a stranger to the house.
" For after all, Redmond ," she would say, " you are
but fifteen, and you havn't a guinea in the world ;" at
which I would swear that I would become the great-
est hero ever known out of Ireland, and vow that be-
fore I was twenty I would have money enough to pur-
chase an estate six times as big as Castle Brady. All
which vain promises, of course, I did not keep ; but I
make no doubt they influenced me in my very early
life, and caused me to do those great actions for which
I have been celebrated, and which shall be narrated pre-
sently in order.
44 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

I must tell one of them, just that my dear young

lady readers may know what sort of a fellow Redmond
Barry was, and what a courage and undaunted passion
he had. I question whether any of the jenny-jessamines
of the present day would do half as much in the face
of danger.
About this time it must be premised the United
Kingdom was in a state of great excitement from the
threat generally credited of a French invasion. The
Pretender was said to be in high favour at Versailles, a
descent upon Ireland was especially looked to, and the
noblemen and people of condition in that and all other
parts of the kingdom showed their loyalty by raising
regiments of horse and foot to resist the invaders. Bra-
dy's Town sent a company to join the Kilwangan regi-
ment, of which Master Mick was the captain ; and we
had a letter from Master Ulick at Trinity College, stat-
ing that the university had also formed a regiment, in
which he had the honour to be a corporal. How I en-
vied them both ! especially that odious Mick, as I saw
him in his laced scarlet coat with a ribbon in his hat
march off at the head of his men. He, the poor, spi-
ritless creature, was a captain, and I nothing, I who
felt I had as much courage as the Duke of Cumber-
land himself, and felt, too, that a red jacket would
mightily become me ! My mother said I was too
young to join the new regiment ; but the fact was, that
it was she herself who was too poor, for the cost of a
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 45

new uniform would have swallowed up half her year's

income, and she would only have her boy appear in a
way suitable to his birth, riding the finest of racers,
dressed in the best of clothes, and keeping the genteel-
est of company.
Well, then, the whole country was alive with war's
alarums, the three kingdoms ringing with military mu-
sic, and every man of merit paying his devoirs at the
court of Bellona, whilst poor I was obliged to stay at
home in my fustian jacket and sigh for fame in secret.
Mr. Mick came to and fro from the regiment, and
brought numerous of his comrades with him. Their
costume and swaggering airs filled me with grief, and
Miss Nora's unvarying attentions to them served to
make me half wild. No one, however, thought of at-
tributing this sadness to the young lady's score, but
rather to my disappointment at not being allowed to
join the military profession.
Once the officers of the Fencibles gave a grand ball
at Kilwangan, to which, as a matter of course, all the
ladies of Castle Brady (and a pretty ugly coachfull they
were) were invited . I knew to what tortures the odi-
ous little flirt of a Nora would put me with her eter-
nal coquetries with the officers, and refused for a long
time to be one of the party to the ball. But she had
a way of conquering me, against which all resistance
of mine was in vain. She vowed that riding in a
coach always made her ill. " And how can I go to
46 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

the ball," said she, " unless you take me on Daisy be-
hind you on the pillion ?" Daisy was a good blood
mare of my uncle's, and to such a proposition I could
not for my soul say no ; so we rode in safety to Kil-
wangan, and I felt myself as proud as any prince when
she promised to dance a country- dance with me.
When the dance was ended, the little ungrateful
flirt informed me that she had quite forgotten her en-
gagement, and actually danced the set with an English-
man ! I have endured torments in my life, but none
like that. She tried to make up for her neglect, but I
would not. Some of the prettiest girls there offered to
console me, for I was the best dancer in the room. I
made one attempt, but was too wretched to continue,
and so remained alone all night in a state of agony. I
would have played , but I had no money, only the gold
piece that my mother bade me always keep in my
purse as a gentleman should. I did not care for drink,
or know the dreadful comfort of it in those days ; but
I thought of killing myself and Nora, and most cer-
tainly of making away with Captain Quin !
At last, and at morning, the ball was over. The
rest of our ladies went off in the lumbering, creaking
old coach ; Daisy was brought out, and Miss Nora took
her place behind me, which I let her do without a
word. But we were not half a mile out of town when
she began to try with her coaxing and blandishments
to dissipate my ill-humour.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 47

" Sure it's a bitter night, Redmond, dear, and you'll

catch cold without a handkerchief to your neck." To
this sympathetic remark from the pillion, the saddle
made no reply.
" Did you and Miss Clancy have a pleasant eve-
ning, Redmond ? You were together, I saw, all night."
To this the saddle only replied by grinding his teeth,
and giving a lash to Daisy.
" Oh ! mercy, you make Daisy rear and throw me,
you careless creature, you ; and you know, Redmond,
I'm so timid." The pillion had by this got her arm
round the saddle's waist, and, perhaps, gave it the gen-
tlest squeeze in the world.
"I hate Miss Clancy, you know I do !" answers
the saddle ; " and I only danced with her because—
because the person with whom I intended to dance
chose to be engaged the whole night."
" Sure there were my sisters," said the pillion , now
laughing outright in the pride of her conscious superi-
ority ; " and for me, my dear, I had not been in the
room five minutes before I was engaged for every sin-
gle set."
" Were you obliged to dance five times with Cap-
tain Quin ?" said I ; and, oh ! strange, delicious charm
of coquetry, I do believe Miss Nora Brady at twenty-
three years of age felt a pang of delight in thicking
that she had so much power over a guileless lad of fif-
teen.
48 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Of course she replied that she did not care a fig for
Captain Quin ; that he danced prettily, to be sure, and
was a pleasant rattle of a man ; that he looked well in
his regimentals, too ; and if he chose to ask her to
dance, how could she refuse him ?
" But you refused me, Nora."
" Oh ! I can dance with you any day," answered
Miss Nora, with a toss of her head ; and to dance with
your cousin at a ball, looks as if you could find no
other partner. Besides," said Nora -and this was a
cruel, unkind cut, which showed what a power she had
over me, and how mercilessly she used it, " besides,
Redmond, Captain Quin's a man, and you are only a
boy !"
“ If ever I meet him again," I roared out with an
oath, " you shall see which is the best man of the two.
I'll fight him with sword or with pistol, captain as he
is. A man, indeed ! I'll fight any man-every man !
Didn't I stand up to Mick Brady when I was eleven
years old ? -Didn't I beat Tom Sullivan, the great
hulking brute, who is nineteen ?-Didn't I do for the
French usher ? Oh, Nora, it's cruel of you to sneer at
me so !"
But Nora was in the sneering mood that night, and
pursued her sarcasms, and pointed out that Captain
Quin was already known as a valiant soldier (famous
as a man of fashion in London), and that it was mighty
well of Redmond to talk and boast of beating ushers,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 49

and farmers' boys, but to fight an Englishman was a

very different matter.
Then she fell to talk of the invasion, and of mili-
tary matters in general, of King Frederick (who was
called, in those days, the Protestant hero- apt title !),
of Monsieur Thurot and his fleet, of Monsieur Conflans
and his squadron, of Minorca, how it was attacked,
and where it was, and both agreed it must be in Ame-
rica, and hoped the French might be soundly beaten
there.
I sighed after a while (for I was beginning to melt),
and said how much I longed to be a soldier ; on which
Nora recurred to her infallible, " Ah ! now, would you
leave me, then ? But, sure, you're not big enough for
any thing more than a little drummer." To which I
replied, by swearing that a soldier I would be, and a
general too.
As we were chattering in this silly way, we came
to a place that has ever since gone by the name of
Redmond's Leap Bridge. It was an old high bridge,
over a stream sufficiently deep and rocky, and as the
mare Daisy with her double load was crossing this
bridge, Miss Nora, giving a loose to her imagination,
and still harping on the military theme (I would lay a
wager that she was thinking of Captain Quin), Miss
Nora said, " Suppose, now, Redmond, you, who are
such a hero, was passing over the bridge, and the in-
imy on the other side ?"
3
50 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" I'd draw my sword, and cut my way through them."

" What, with me on the pillion ? Would you kill
poor me ?" (This young lady was perpetually speak-
ing of poor me !" )
" Well, then, I'll tell you what I'd do . I'd jump
Daisy into the river, and swim you both across, where
no enemy could follow us."
"Jump twenty feet ! you wouldn't dare to do any
such thing on Daisy. There's the captain's horse,
Black George, I've heard say that Captain Qui ”
She never finished the word, for, maddened by the
continual recurrence of that odious monosyllable, I
shouted to her to " hold tight by my waist," and, giv-
ing Daisy the spur, in a minute sprung with Nora
over the parapet into the deeper water below. I don't
know why now, whether it was I wanted to drown
myself and Nora, or to perform an act that even Cap-
tain Quin should crane at, or whether I fancied that
the enemy actually was in front of us, I can't tell now ;
but over I went. The horse sunk over his head, the
girl screamed as she sunk, and screamed as she rose,
and I landed her, half fainting, on the shore, where we
were soon found by my uncle's people, who returned
on hearing the screams. I went home, and was ill
speedily of a fever, which kept me to my bed for six
weeks, and I quitted my couch prodigiously increased
in stature, and, at the same time, still more violently in
love than I had been even before.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 51

At the commencement of my illness, Miss Nora

had been pretty constant in her attendance at my bed-
side, forgetting, for the sake of me, the quarrel between
my mother and her family, which my good mother
was likewise pleased, in the most Christian manner, to
forget. And, let me tell you, it was no small mark of
goodness in a woman of her haughty disposition, who, ‘
as a rule, never forgave any body, for my sake to give
up her hostility to Miss Brady, and to receive her kind-
ly. For, like a mad boy as I was, it was Nora I was
always raving about and asking for ; I would only ac-
cept medicines from her hand, and would look rudely
and sulkily upon the good mother, who loved me bet-
ter than any thing else in the world, and gave up even
her favourite habits, and proper and becoming jealous-
ies, to make me happy.
As I got well, I saw that Nora's visits became daily
more rare : 66 Why don't she come ?" I would say,
peevishly, a dozen times in the day ; in reply to which
query, Mrs. Barry would be obliged to make the best
excuses she could find,—such as that Nora had sprained
her ankle, or that they had quarrelled together, or some
other answer to soothe me. And many a time has the
good soul left me to go and break her heart in her
own room alone, and come back with a smiling face, so
that I should know nothing of her mortification. Nor,
indeed, did I take much pains to ascertain it ; nor
should I, I fear, have been very much touched even
52 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

had I discovered it, for the commencement of man-

hood, I think, is the period of our extremest selfishness.
We get such a desire then to take wing, and leave the
parent-nest, that no tears, entreaties, or feelings of af-
fection, will counterbalance this overpowering longing
after independence. She must have been very sad,
that poor mother of mine-Heaven be good to her !—
at that period of my life ; and has often told me since
what a pang of the heart it was to her to see all her
care and affection of years forgotten by me in a minute,
and for the sake of a little, heartless jilt, who was only
playing with me while she could get no better suitor.
For the fact is, that, during the last four weeks of my
illness, no other than Captain Quin was staying at
Castle Brady, and making love to Miss Nora in form ;
and my mother did not dare to break this news to me,
and you may be sure that Nora herself kept it a secret.
It was only by chance that I discovered it.
Shall I tell you how ? The minx had been to see
me one day, as I sat up in my bed, convalescent, and
was in such high spirits, and so gracious and kind to
me, that my heart poured over with joy and gladness,
and I had even for my poor mother a kind word and a
kiss that morning. I felt myself so well that I ate up
a whole chicken, and promised my uncle, who had come
to see me, to be ready, against partridge-shooting, to
accompany him, as my custom was.
The next day but one was a Sunday, and I had a
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 53

project for that day which I determined to realise, in

spite of all the doctors and my mother's injunctions,
which were that I was on no account to leave the
house, for the fresh air would be the death of me.
Well, I lay wondrous quiet, composing a copy of
verses, the first I ever made in my life, and I give them
here spelt as I spelt them in those days when I knew
no better. And though they are not so polished and
66
elegant as Ardelia, ease a love-sick swain ; " and,
"When Sol bedecks the Daisied Mead ; " and cther
lyrical effusions of mine which obtained me so much
reputation in after life, I still think them pretty good
for a humble lad of fifteen :-

THE ROSE OF FLORA.

Sent by a Young Gentleman of Quality to Miss Br-dy, of
C-stle Br- dy.

On Brady's tower there grows a flower,

It is the loveliest flower that blows,-
At Castle Brady there lives a lady,
(And how I love her no one knows) ;
Her name is Nora, and the goddess Flora
Presents her with this blooming rose.
66'O Lady Nora,"
says the goddess Flora,
"I've many a rich and bright parterre ;
In Brady's towers there's seven more flowers,
But you're the fairest lady there :
Not all the county, nor Ireland's bounty,
Can projuice a treasure that's half so fair ! "
What cheek is redder ? sure roses fed her!
Her hair is maregolds, and her eye of blew
 54 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Beneath her eyelid, is like the vi❜let,

That darkly glistens with gentle jew!
The lily's nature is not surely whiter
Than Nora's neck is,-and her arrums too.

" Come, gentle Nora," says the goddess Flora,

" My dearest creature, take my advice,
There is a poet, full well you know it,
Who spends his life-time in heavy sighs,—
Young Redmond Barry, 'tis him you'll marry,
If rhyme and raisin you'd choose likewise."

On Sunday, no sooner was my mother gone to

church, than I summoned Phil the valet, and insisted
upon his producing my best suit, in which I arrayed
myself (although I found that I had shot up so in my
illness that the old dress was woefully too small for me),
and, with my notable copy of verses in my hand, ran
down towards Castle Brady, bent upon beholding my
beauty. The air was so fresh and bright, and the birds
sang so loud amidst the green trees, that I felt more
elated than I had been for months before, and sprung
down the avenue (my uncle had cut down every stick
of the trees, by the way) as brisk as a young fawn.
My heart began to thump as I mounted the grass-
grown steps of the terrace, and passed in by the rick-
ety hall-door. The master and mistress were at church,
Mr. Screw, the butler, told me, after giving a start back
at seeing my altered appearance, and gaunt, lean figure,
and so were six of the young ladies.
"Was Miss Nora one ? " I asked.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 55

"No, Miss Nora was not one," said Mr. Screw, as-
suming a very puzzled, and yet knowing look.
"Where was she ? " To this question he answered,
or rather made believe to answer, with usual Irish in-
genuity, and left me to settle whether she was gone to
Kilwangan on the pillion behind her brother, or whether
she and her sister had gone for a walk, or whether she
was ill in her room ; and while I was settling this query
Mr. Screw left me abruptly.
I rushed away to the back court, where the Castle
Brady stables stand, and there I found a dragoon whist-
ling the " Roast Beef of Old England," as he cleaned
down a cavalry horse. "Whose horse, fellow, is that ?"
cried I. " Feller, indeed ! " replied the Englishman ;
"the horse belongs to my captain, and he's a better
feller nor you any day.”
I did not stop to break his bones, as I would on
another occasion, for a horrible suspense had come
across me, and I made for the garden as quickly as
I could.
I knew somehow what I should see there. I saw
Captain Quin and Nora pacing the alley together. Her
arm was under his, and the scoundrel was fondling and
squeezing the little hand which lay closely nestling
against his odious waistcoat. Some distance beyond
them was Captain Fagan of the Kilwangan regiment,
who was paying court to Nora's sister Mysie.
I am not afraid of any man or ghost ; but as I saw
56 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

that sight my knees fell a-trembling violently under

me, and such a sickness came over me, that I was fain
to sink down on the grass by a tree against which I
leaned, and lost almost all consciousness for a minute
or two ; then I gathered myself up, and, advancing
towards the couple on the walk, loosened the blade of
the little silver-hilted hanger I always wore in its scab-
bard ; for I was resolved to pass it through the body
of the delinquents, and spit them like two pigeons. I
don't tell what feelings else besides those of rage were
passing through my mind, what bitter blank disap-
pointment, what mad wild despair, what a sensation as
if the whole world was tumbling from under me : I
make no doubt that my reader hath been jilted by
the ladies many times, and so bid him recall his own
sensations when the shock first fell upon him.
"No, Norelia," said the captain (for it was the fash-
ion of those times for lovers to call themselves by the
most romantic names out of novels), " except for you
and four others, I vow before all the gods, my heart has
never felt the soft flame ! "
" Ah ! you men, you men, Eugenio ! " said she
(the beast's name was John), " your passion is not
equal to ours. We are like - like some plant I've
read of―we bear but one flower, and then we die ! "
" Do you mean you never felt an inclination for an-
other ? " said Captain Quin.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 57

" Never, my Eugenio, but for thee ! How can you

ask a blushing nymph such a question ? "
แ" Darling Norelia ! " said he, raising her hand to
his lips.
I had a knot of cherry-colored ribands, which she
had given me out of her breast, and which somehow I
always wore upon me. I pulled these out of my bosom
and flung them in Captain Quin's face, and rushed out
with my little sword drawn, shrieking, " She's a liar—
she's a liar, Captain Quin ! Draw, sir, and defend your-
self, if you are a man ! " and with these words leaped
at the monster and collared him, while Nora made the
air echo with her screams ; at the sound of which the
other captain and Mysie hastened up.
Although I sprung up like a weed in my illness,
and was now nearly attained to my full growth of six
feet, yet I was but a lath by the side of the enormous
English captain, who had calves and shoulders such as
no chairman at Bath ever boasted. He turned very
red, and then exceedingly pale at my attack upon him,
and slipped back and clutched at his sword-when No-
ra, in an agony of terror, flung herself round him,
screaming, " Eugenio ! Captain Quin, for Heaven's sake
spare the child-he is but an infant !"
" And ought to be whipped for his impudence,"
said the captain ; " but never fear, Miss Brady, I shall
not touch him ; your favourite is safe from me." So
saying, he stooped down and picked up the bunch of
3*
58 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

ribands which I had flung at Nora's feet, and handing

it to her, said in a sarcastic tone, " When ladies make
presents to gentlemen, it is time for other gentlemen to
retire."
" Good heavens, Quin !" cried the girl, " he is but
a boy."
" I'm a man," roared I, " and will prove it."
"And don't signify any more than my parrot or
lap-dog. Mayn't I give a bit of riband to my own
cousin ?"
" You are perfectly welcome, miss," continued the
captain, " as many yards as you like."
"Monster !" exclaimed the dear girl ; " your father
was a tailor, and you are always thinking of the shop.
But I'll have my revenge, I will ! Reddy, will you see
me insulted ?"
66
' Indeed, Miss Nora," says I, " I intend to have his
blood as sure as my name's Redmond."
" I'll send for the usher to cane you, little boy ," said
the captain, regaining his self-possession ; " but as for
you, miss, I have the honour to wish you a good day."
He took off his hat with much ceremony, and made
a low congé, and was just walking off, when Mick, my
cousin, came up, whose ear had likewise been caught
by the scream .
" Hoity-toity ! Jack Quin, what's the matter
here ?" says Mick ; " Nora in tears, Redmond's ghost
here with his sword drawn, and you making a bow ?"
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 59

" I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Brady," said the Eng-
lishman ; " I have had enough of Miss Nora here and
your Irish ways. I ain't used to ' em, sir."
"Well, well what is it ?" said Mick, good-hu-
mouredly (for he owed Quin a great deal of money as
it turned out) ; " we'll make you used to our ways, or
adopt English ones."
" It's not the English way for ladies to have two lov-
ers, (the " Henglish way," the captain called it), and
so, Mr. Brady, I'll thank you to pay me the sum you
owe me, an l I resign all claims to this young lady. If
she has a fancy for school-boys, let her take ' em, sir."
" Pooh ! pooh ! Quin, you are joking," said Mick.
" I never was more in earnest," replied the other.
"By Heaven, then look to yourself," shouted Mick.
" Infamous seducer ! infernal deceiver ! -you come and
wind your toils round this suffering angel here-you
win her heart and leave her and fancy her brother
won't defend her ? Draw this minute, you slave ! and
let me cut the wicked heart out of your body !"
" This is regular assassination," said Quin, starting
back ; "there's two on ' em on me at once. Fagan,
you won't let ' em murder me ?”
" Faith !" said Captain Fagan, who seemed mighti-
ly amused, " you may settle your own quarrel, Captain
Quin ;" and coming over to me, whispered, " At him
again, you little fellow."
60 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" As long as Mr. Quin withdraws his claim," said I,

" I, of course, do not interfere."
" I do, sir,-I do," said Mr. Quin, more and more
flustered.
"Then defend yourself like a man, —curse you !"
cried Mick again. 66" Mysie, lead this poor victim away
-Redmond and Fagan will see fair play between us."
" Well now-I don't give me time-I'm puzzled
-I-I don't know which way to look."
"Like the donkey betwixt the two bundles of hay,"
said Mr. Fagan, dryly, " and there's pretty pickings on
either side."
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 61

CHAPTER III.

IN WHICH BARRY LYNDON SHOWS HIMSELF TO BE A MAN

OF SPIRIT.

DURING this dispute, my cousin Nora did the only

thing that a lady, under such circumstances, could do,
and fainted in due form. I was in hot altercation with
Mick at the time, or I should have, of course, flown to
her assistance, but Captain Fagan (a dry sort of fellow
this Fagan was) prevented me, saying, " I advise you
to leave the young lady to herself, Master Redmond,
and be sure she will come to." And so, indeed, after a
while she did, which has shown me since that Fagan
knew the world pretty well, for many's the lady I've
seen in after times recover in a similar manner. Quin
did not offer to help her, you may be sure, for, in the
midst of the diversion, caused by her screaming, the
faithless bully stole away.
"Which of us is Captain Quin to engage ?" said I
to Mick ; for it was my first affair, and I was as proud
of it as of a suit of laced velvet. "Is it you or I, cousin
Mick, that is to have the honour of chastising this inso-
62 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

lent Englishman ?" And I held out my hand as I

spoke, for my heart melted towards my cousin under
the triumph of the moment.
But he rejected the proffered offer of friendship.
"You-you !" said he, in a towering passion ; " hang
you for a meddling brat, your hand is in every body's
pie. What business had you to come brawling and
quarrelling here, with a gentleman who has fifteen hun-
dred a year ?"
66
' Oh," gasped Nora, from the stone bench, " I shall
die ; I know I shall. I shall never leave this spot."
" The Captain's not gone yet," whispered Fagan, on
which Nora, giving him an indignant look, jumped up
and walked towards the house.
66
' Meanwhile," Mick continued, " what business have
you-you meddling rascal, to interfere with a daughter 2
of this house ?"
"Rascal yourself !" roared I ; " call me another such
name, Mick Brady, and I'll drive my hanger into your
weazand. Recollect, I stood to you when I was eleven
years old. I'm your match now, and, by Jove, provoke
me, and I'll beat you like-like your younger brother
always did." That was a home-cut, and I saw Mick
turn blue with fury.
"This is a pretty way to recommend yourself to the
family," said Fagan, in a soothing tone.
"The girl's old enough to be his mother," growled
Mick.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 63

" Old or not," I replied ; " you listen to this, Mick

Brady (and I swore a tremendous oath, that need not
be put down here), the man that marries Nora Brady
must first kill me-
-do you mind that ?"
"Pooh, sir," said Mick, turning away, " kill you,
flog you, you mean ! I'll send for Nick the huntsman
to do it ;" and so he went off.
Captain Fagan now came up, and, taking ine
kindly by the hand, said I was a gallant lad, and he
liked my spirit. " But what Brady says is true," con-
tinued he ; " it's a hard thing to give a lad counsel who
is in such a far-gone state as you ; but, believe me, I
know the world, and if you will but follow my advice,
you won't regret having taken it. Nora Brady has not
a penny ; you are not a whit richer. You are but fif-
teen, and she's four-and-twenty. In ten years, when
you're old enough to marry, she will be an old woman ;
and, my poor boy, don't you see- though it's a hard
matter to see-
e-that she's a flirt, and does not care a pin
for you or Quin- either ?”
But, who in love (or in any other point, for the
matter of that) listens to advice ? I never did, and I
told Captain Fagan fairly, that Nora might love me or
not as she liked, but that Quin should fight me before
he married her- that I swore.
" Faith," says Fagan, " I think you are a lad that's
likely to keep your word ;" and, looking hard at me for
a second or two, he walked away likewise, humming a
64 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

tune ; and I saw he looked back at me as he went

through the old gate out of the garden. And when he
was gone, and I was quite alone, I flung myself down
.
on the bench where Nora had made believe to faint,
and had left her handkerchief ; and, taking it up, hid
my face in it, and burst into such a passion of tears, as
I would then have had nobody see for the world. The
crumpled riband which I had flung at Quin lay in the
walk, and I sat there for hours, as wretched as any man
in Ireland, I believe, for the time being. But it's a
changeable world ! When we consider how great our
sorrows seem, and how small they are ; how we think
we shall die of grief, and how quickly we forget, I think
we ought to be ashamed of ourselves and our fickle-
heartedness. For, after all, what business has Time to
bring us consolation ? I have not, perhaps, in the
course of my multifarious adventures and experience,
hit upon the right woman ; and have forgotten, after a
little, every single creature I adored ; but I think, if I
could but have lighted on the right one, I would have
loved her for ever.
I must have sat for some hours bemoaning myself
on the garden-bench, for it was morning when I came
to Castle Brady, and the dinner-bell clanged as usual
at three o'clock, which wakened me up from my reve-
rie. Presently I gathered up the handkerchief, and
once more took the riband. As I passed through the
offices, I saw the captain's saddle was still hanging up
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 65

at the stable-door, and saw his odious red -coated brute

of a servant swaggering with the scullion-girls and
kitchen-people. " The Englishman's still there, Master
Redmond," said one of the maids to me (a sentimental
black-eyed girl, who waited on the young ladies) .
He's there in the parlour, with the sweetest fillet of
vale ; go in, and don't let 'im browbeat you, Master
Redmond ."
And in I went, and took my place at the bottom of
the big table, as usual, and my friend the butler speedily
brought me a cover.
" Hallo, Reddy, my boy !" said my uncle, " up and
well ?-that's right."
"He'd better be home with his mother," growled
my aunt.
" Don't mind her," says uncle Brady ; " it's the cold
goose she ate at breakfast didn't agree with her.
Take a glass of spirits, Mrs. Brady, to Redmond's
health." It was evident he did not know of what had
happened ; but Mick, who was at dinner too, and
Ulick, and almost all the girls, looked exceedingly
black, and the captain foolish ; and Miss Nora, who
was again by his side, ready to cry. Captain Fagan
sat smiling ; and I looked on as cold as a stone. I
thought the dinner would choke me, but I was determined
to put a good face on it ; and when the cloth was
drawn, filled my glass with the rest ; and we drank the
King and the Church, as gentlemen should. My uncle
66 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

was in high good-humour, and especially always joking

with Nora and the captain. It was, " Nora, divide
that merry thought with the captain ! see who'll be
married first." " Jack Quin, my dear boy, never mind
a clean glass for the claret, we're short of crystal at
Castle Brady take Nora's, and the wine will taste
none the worse ;" and so on. He was in the highest
glee,-I did not know why. Had there been a recon-
ciliation between the faithless girl and her lover since
they had come into the house ?
I learned the truth very soon. At the third toast,
it was always the custom for the ladies to withdraw ;
but my uncle stopped them this time, in spite of the
remonstrances of Nora, who said, " O, pa ! do let us
go !" and said, " No, Mrs. Brady and ladies, if you
plaise ; this is a sort of toast that is drunk a great dale
too seldom in my family, and you'll please to receive it
with all the honours. Here's CAPTAIN AND MRS. JOHN
QUIN, and long life to them. Kiss her, Jack, you
rogue ; for 'faith you've got a treasure !"
" His already ?" I screeched out, springing up.
" Hold your tongue, you fool- hold your tongue !"
said big Ulick, who sat by me ; but I wouldn't hear.
" He has already," I screamed, " been slapped in
the face this morning, Captain John Quin ; he's al-
ready been called coward, Captain John Quin ; and this
is the way I'll drink his health . 'Here's your health,
Captain John Quin ;'" and I flung a glass of claret
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 67

into his face. I don't know how he looked after it, for
the next moment I myself was under the table, tripped
up by Ulick, who hit me a violent cuff on the head as
I went down ; and I had hardly leisure to hear the
general screaming and skurrying that was taking place
above me, being so fully occupied with kicks, and
thumps, and curses, with which Ulick was belabouring
me. " You fool!" roared he-" you great blundering
marplot-you silly beggarly brat (a thump at each) ,
hold your tongue ! " These blows from Ulick, of
course, I did not care for, for he had always been my
friend, and had been in the habit of thrashing me all
my life. !
When I got up from under the table all the ladies
were gone ; and I had the satisfaction of seeing the
captain's nose was bleeding, as mine was-his was cut
across the bridge, and his beauty spoiled for ever. Ulick
shook himself, sat down quietly, filled a bumper, and
pushed the bottle to me. " There, you young donkey,"
says he, " sup that ; and let's hear no more of your
traying."
" In Heaven's name, what does all the row mean ?”
says my uncle. "Is the boy in the fever again?"
"It's all your fault," said Mick, sulkily ; " yours
and those who brought him here."
" Hold your noise, Mick !" says Ulick, turning on
him ; " speak civil of my father and me, and don't let
99 .
me be called upon to teach you manners.'
68 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ; •

" It is your fault," repeated Mick. " What busi-

ness has the vagabond here ? If I had my will, I'd
have him flogged and turned out."
"And so he should be," said Captain Quin.
"You'd best not try it, Quin," said Ulick, who was
always my champion ; and, turning to his father, " The
fact is, sir, that the young monkey has fallen in love
with Nora, and finding her and the captain mighty
sweet in the garden to-day, he was for murdering Jack
Quin."
"Gad, he's beginning young," said my uncle, quite
good-humouredly. " Faith, Fagan, that boy's a Brady,
every inch of him."
" And I'll tell you what, Mr. B.," cried Quin, brist-
ling up ; " I've been insulted grossly in this ' ouse. I
ain't at all satisfied with these here ways of going on.
I'm an Englishman, I am, and a man of property ; and
99

"If you're insulted, and not satisfied , remember

there's two of us, Quin,” said Ulick, gruffly. On which
the captain fell to washing his nose in water, and an-
swered never a word.
" Mr. Quin," said I, in the most dignified tone I
could assume, " may also have satisfaction any time he
pleases, by calling on Redmond Barry, Esquire, of Bar-
ryville." At which speech my uncle burst out a-laugh-
ing (as he did at every thing) ; and in this laugh, Cap-
tain Fagan, much to my mortification , joined. I turn-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 69

ed rather smartly upon him, however, and bade him to

understand, that though I was a boy, for my cousin
Ulick, who had been my best friend through life, I could
put up with rough treatment from him ; yet, even that
sort of treatment I would bear from him no longer ;
and that any other person who ventured on the like
would find me a man to their cost. " Mr. Quin," I add-
ed, " knows that fact very well ; and , if he's a man,
he'll know where to find me."
My uncle now observed, that it was getting late,
and that my mother would be anxious about me. " One
of you had better go home with him," said he, turning
to his sons, 66' or the lad may be playing more pranks."
But Ulick said, with a nod to his brother, " Both of us
ride home with Quin here."
" I'm not afraid of Freeny's people," said the cap-
tain, with a faint attempt at a laugh ; " my man is
armed, and so am I."
"You know the use of arms very well, Quin," said
Ulick ; " and no one can doubt your courage ; but
Mick and I will see you home for all that."
"Why, you'll not be home till morning, boys. Kil-
wangan's a good ten mile from here."
" We'll sleep at Quin's quarters,” replied Ulick ;
" we're going to stop a week there."
" Thank you," says Quin, very faint ; " it's very
kind of you."
" You'll be lonely, you know, without us."
70 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" O yes, very lonely !" says Quin.

" And in another week, my boy," says Ulick (and
here he whispered something in the captain's ear, in
which I thought I caught the words " marriage," " par-
son," and felt all my fury returning again) .
" As you please," whined out the captain ; and the
horses were quickly brought round, and the three gen-
tlemen rode away.
Fagan stopped, and, at my uncle's injunction, walk-
ed across the old treeless park with me. He said, that
after the quarrel at dinner, he thought I would scarcely
want to see the ladies that night, in which opinion I
concurred entirely ; and so we went off without an adieu.
"A pretty day's work of it you have made, Master
Redmond," said he. " What ! you, a friend to the Bra-
dy's, and knowing your uncle to be distressed for mo-
ney, try and break off a match which will bring fifteen
hundred a-year into the family ? Quin has promised
to pay off the four thousand pounds which is bothering
your uncle so. He takes a girl without a penny—a
girl with no more beauty than yonder bullock. Well,
well, don't look furious ; let's say she is handsome-
there's no accounting for tastes, -a girl that has been
flinging herself at the head of every man in these parts
these ten years past, and missing them all. And you,
as poor as herself, a boy of fifteen- well, sixteen, if you
insist-and a boy who ought to be attached to your
uncle as to your father- ""
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 71

“ And so I am,” said I.

"And this is the return you make him for his kind-
ness ! Didn't he harbour you in his house when you
were an orphan, and hasn't he given you rent-free your
fine mansion of Barryville yonder ? And now, when
his affairs can be put into order, and a chance offers
for his old age to be made comfortable, who flings him-
self in the way of him and competence ?-You, of all
others ; the man in the world most obliged to him.
It's wicked, ungrateful, unnatural. From a lad of such
spirit as you are, I expect a truer courage."
"I am not afraid of any man alive," exclaimed I
(for this latter part of the captain's argument had ra-
ther staggered me, and I wished, of course, to turn it,
as one always should when the enemy's too strong) ;
" and it's I am the injured man, Captain Fagan . No
man was ever, since the world began, treated so. Look
here-look at this riband. I've worn it in my heart for
six months. I've had it there all the time of the fever.
Didn't Nora take it out of her own bosom and give it
me ? Didn't she kiss me when she gave it me, and
call me her darling Redmond."
" She was practising," replied Mr. Fagan, with a
sneer. "I know women, sir. Give them time, and let
nobody else come to the house, and they'll fall in love
with a chimney-sweep. There was a young lady in
99
Fermoy-
" A young lady in flames," roared I (but I used a
72 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

still hotter word). " Mark this, come what will of it,
I swear I'll fight the man who pretends to the hand of
Nora Brady. I'll follow him, if it's into the church,
and meet him there. I'll have his blood, or he shall
have mine ; and this riband shall be found dyed in it.
Yes ! and if I kill him, I'll pin it on his breast, and then
she may go take back her token." This I said because
I was very much excited at the time, and because I had
not read my novels and romantic plays for nothing.
66
Well," says Fagan after a pause, " if it must be,
it must. For a young fellow, you are the most blood-
thirsty I ever saw. Quin's a determined fellow, too."
" Will you take my message to him ?” said I, quite
eagerly.
" Hush !' said Fagan : " your mother may be on
the look-out. Here we are, close to Barryville."
" Mind ! not a word to my mother," I said ; and
went into the house swelling with pride and exultation
to think that I should have a chance against the Eng-
lishman I hated so.
Tim, my servant, had come up from Barryville on
my mother's return from church, for the good lady was
rather alarmed at my absence, and anxious for my re-
turn. But he had seen me go in to dinner, at the in-
vitation of the sentimental lady's-maid ; and when he
had had his own share of the good things in the kitch-
en, which was always better furnished than ours at
home, had walked back again to inform his mistress
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 73

where I was, and, no doubt, to tell her, in his own

fashion, of all the events that had happened at Castle
Brady. In spite of my precautions to secrecy then, I
half suspected that my mother knew all, from the
manner in which she embraced me on my arrival, and
received our guest, Captain Fagan. The poor soul look-
ed a little anxious and flushed, and every now and then
gazed very hard in the captain's face, but she said not
a word about the quarrel, for she had a noble spirit,
and would as lief have seen any one of her kindred
hanged as shirking from the field of honour. What
has become of those gallant feelings nowadays ? Sixty
years ago a man was a man, in old Ireland, and the
sword that was worn by his side was at the service of
any gentleman's gizzard, upon the slightest difference.
But the good old times and usages are fast fading away.
One scarcely ever hears of a fair meeting now, and the
use of those horrid pistols, in place of the honourable
and manly weapon of gentlemen, has introduced a deal
of knavery into the practice of duelling that cannot be
sufficiently deplored.
When I arrived at home I felt that I was a man in
earnest, and welcoming Captain Fagan to Barryville,
and introducing him to my mother, in a majestic and
dignified way, said the captain must be thirsty after his
walk, and called upon Tim to bring up a bottle of the
yellow-sealed Bordeaux, and cakes and glasses, imme
diately,
4
74 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Tim looked at the mistress in great wonderment ;

and the fact is, that six hours previous I would as soon
have thought of burning the house down as calling for
a bottle of claret on my own account ; but I felt I was
a man now, and had a right to command ; and my
mother felt this too, for she turned to the fellow and
said, sharply, " Don't you hear, you rascal, what your
master says ! Go, get the wine, and the cakes and
glasses, directly." Then (for you may be sure she did
not give Tim the keys of our little cellar), she went and
got the liquor herself ; and Tim brought it in, on the
silver tray, in due form . My dear mother poured out
the wine, and drank the captain welcome ; but I ob-
served her hand shook very much as she performed
this courteous duty, and the bottle went clink, clink,
against the glass . When she had tasted her glass,
she said she had a headache, and would go to bed ;
and so I asked her blessing, as becomes a dutiful son—
(the modern bloods have given up the respectful cere-
monies which distinguished a gentleman in my time)-
and she left me and Captain Fagan to talk over our im-
portant business.
66
' Indeed," said the captain, " I see now no other
way out of the scrape than a meeting. The fact is,
there was a talk of it at Castle Brady, after your attack
upon Quin this afternoon, and he vowed that he would
cut you in pieces ; but the tears and supplications of
Miss Honoria induced him, though very unwillingly, to
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 75

relent. Now, however, matters have gone too far. No

officer, bearing his majesty's commission, can receive a
glass of wine on his nose- this claret of yours is very
good, by the way, and by your leave we'll ring for an-
other bottle-without resenting the affront. Fight you
must, and Quin is a huge strong fellow."
" He'll give the better mark," said I. " I am not.
afraid of him."
"In faith," said the captain , " I believe you are not ;
for a lad, I never saw more game in my life."
" Look at that sword, sir," says I, pointing to an
elegant silver-mounted one, in a white shagreen case,
that hung on the mantel-piece, under the picture of my
father, Harry Barry. " It was with that sword, sir, that
my father pinked Mohawk O'Driscol, in Dublin, in the
year 1740 ; with that sword, sir, he met Sir Huddle-
stone Fuddlestone, the Hampshire baronet, and ran him
through the neck. They met, on horseback, with sword
and pistol, on Hounslow Heath, as, I dare say, you have
heard tell of, and those are the pistols (they hung on
each side of the picture), which the gallant Barry used .
He was quite in the wrong, having insulted Lady Fud-
dlestone, when in liquor, at the Brentford assembly.
But, like a gentleman, he scorned to apologise, and
Sir Huddlestone received a ball through his hat, before
they engaged with the sword. I am Harry Barry's
son, sir, and will act as becomes my name and my
quality."
76 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Give me a kiss, my dear boy," said Fagan, with

tears in his eyes. " You're after my own soul. As
long as Jack Fagan lives, you shall never want a friend
or a second."
Poor fellow he was shot six months afterwards,
Carrying orders to my Lord George Sackville, at Min-
den, and I lost thereby a kind friend. But we don't
know what is in store for us, and that night was a
merry one at least. We had a second bottle, and a
third too (I could hear the poor mother going down-
stairs for each, but she never came into the parlour with
them, and sent them in by the butler, Mr. Tim) ; and
we parted at length, he engaging to arrange matters
with Mr. Quin's second that night, and to bring me
news in the morning as to the place where the meeting
should take place. I have often thought since, how
different my fate might have been, had I not fallen
in love with Nora at that early age ; and had I not
flung the wine in Quin's face, and so brought on the
duel ! I might have settled down in Ireland but for
that (for Miss Quinlan was an heiress, within twenty
miles of us, and Peter Burke, of Kildangan, left his
daughter Judy 700l. a-year, and I might have had
either of them, had I waited a few years). But it was
in my fate to be a wanderer, and that battle with Quin
sent me on my travels at a very early age, as you shall
hear anon.
I never slept sounder in my life, though I woke a
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 77

little earlier than usual, and you may be sure my first

thought was of the event of the day, for which I was
fully prepared. I had ink and pen in my room-had
I not been writing these verses to Nora but the day
previous, like a poor fond fool as I was ? And now I
sat down and wrote a couple of letters more ; they
might be the last, thought I, that I ever should write
in my life. The first was to my mother. " Honoured
madam "-I wrote " This will not be given you unless
I fall by the hand of Captain Quin, whom I meet this
day in the field of honour, with sword and pistol. If
I die, it is as a good Christian and a gentleman, -how
should I be otherwise when educated by such a mother
as you ? I forgive all my enemies-I beg your blessing,
as a dutiful son. I desire that my mare Nora, which
my uncle gave me, and which I called after the most
faithless of her sex, may be returned to Castle Brady,
and beg you will give my silver-hilted hanger to Phil
Purcoll, the gamekeeper. Present my duty to my
uncle and Ulick, and all the girls of my party there.
And I remain your dutiful son,-REDMOND BARRY."
To Nora I wrote,-" This letter will be found in my
bosom along with the token you gave me. It will be
dyed in my blood (unless I have Captain Quin's, whom
I hate but forgive), and will be a pretty ornament for
you on your marriage day. Wear it, and think of the
poor boy to whom you gave it, and who died (as he
was always ready to do) for your sake.-REDMOND ."
78 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

These letters being written, and sealed with my

father's great silver seal of the Barry arms, I went
down to breakfast, where my mother was waiting for
me, you may be sure. We did not say a single word
about what was taking place ; on the contrary, we talk-
ed of any thing but that ; about who was at church
the day before, and about my wanting new clothes now
I was grown so tall. She said, I must have a suit
against winter, if-if-she could afford it. She winced
rather at the " if," Heaven bless her ! I knew what was
in her mind . And then she fell to telling me about
the black pig that must be killed , and that she had
found the speckled hen's nest that morning, whose eggs
I liked so, and other such trifling talk. Some of these
eggs were for breakfast, and I ate them with a good
appetite ; but in helping myself to salt I spilled it, on
which she started up with a scream. " Thank God,"
said she, " it's fallen towards me." And then, her heart
being too full, she left the room. Ah ! they have their
faults, those mothers ; but are there any other women
like them ?
When she was gone I went to take down the sword
with which my father had vanquished the Hampshire
baronet, and, would you believe it, the brave woman
had tied a new riband to the hilt, for indeed she had
the courage of a lioness and a Brady united. And
then I took down the pistols, which were always kept
bright and well oiled, and put some fresh flints I had
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 79

into the locks, and got balls and powder ready against
the captain should come. There was claret and a cold
fowl put ready for him on the sideboard , and a case-
bottle of old brandy too, with a couple of little glasses
on the silver tray with the Barry arms emblazoned . In
after life, and in the midst of my fortune and splendour,
I paid thirty-five guineas, and almost as much more in
interest, to the London goldsmith who supplied my
father with that very tray. A scoundrel pawnbroker
would only give me sixteen for it afterwards, so little
can we trust the honour of rascally tradesmen !
At eleven o'clock Captain Fagan arrived, on horse-
back, with a mounted dragoon after him. He paid his
compliments to the collation which my mother's care
had provided for him, and then said, " Look ye, Red-
mond, my boy ; this is a silly business. The girl will
marry Quin, mark my words ; and as sure as she does
you'll forget her. You are but a boy. Quin is willing
to consider you as such. Dublin's a fine place, and if
you have a mind to take a ride thither and see the
town for a month, here are twenty guineas at your ser-
vice. Make Quin an apology, and be off.”
" A man of honour, Mr. Fagan," says I, “ dies, but
never apologises. I'll see the captain hanged before I
apologise."
"Then there's nothing for it but a meeting."
"My mare is saddled and ready," says I ; " where's
the meeting, and who's the captain's second ?"
 80 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Your cousins go out with him," answered Mr.

Fagan.
" I'll ring for my groom to bring my mare round, ”
I said , 66 as soon as you have rested yourself." Tim
was accordingly despatched for Nora, and I rode away,
but I didn't take leave of Mrs. Barry. The curtains of
her bedroom -windows were down, and they didn't move
as we mounted and trotted off.... But two hours af-
terwards, you should have seen her as she came totter-
ing down-stairs, and heard the scream which she gave
as she hugged her boy to her heart, quite unharmed
and without a wound in his body.
What had taken place I may as well tell here.
When we got to the ground, Ulick, Mick, and the cap-
tain, were already there. Quin, flaming in red regi-
mentals, as big a monster as ever led a grenadier com-
pany. The party were laughing together at some joke
of one or the other, and , I must say, I thought this
laughter very unbecoming in my cousins, who were
met, perhaps, to see the death of one of their kindred.
" I hope to spoil this sport," says I to Captain Fa-
gan, in a great rage , " and trust to see this sword of
rine in yonder big bully's body."
" Oh ! it's with pistols we fight," replied Mr. Fagan.
" You are no match for Quin with the sword ."
" I'll match any man with the sword,” said I.
" But swords are to- day impossible ; Captain Quin
is-is lame. He knocked his knee against the swing-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 81

ing park gate last night, as he was riding home, and

can scarce move it now."
" Not against Castle Brady gate," says I : " that
has been off the hinges these ten years." On which
Fagan said it must have been some other gate, and re-
peated what he had said to Mr. Quin and my cousins,
when, on alighting from our horses, we joined and sa-
luted those gentlemen .
"O yes ! dead lame," said Ulick, coming to shake
me by the hand, while Captain Quin took off his hat
and turned extremely red. " And very lucky for you,
Redmond, my boy," continued Ulick ; " you were a
dead man else, for he is a devil of a fellow-isn't he,
Fagan ?"
" A regular Turk," answered Fagan ; adding, " I
never yet knew the man who stood to Captain Quin."
66
' Hang the business !" said Ulick ; " I hate it. I'm
ashamed of it. Say you're sorry, Redmond ; you can
easily say that."
" If the young feller will go to Dubling, as pro-
posed " here interposed Mr. Quin.
" I'm not sorry—I'll not apologise—and I'll as soon
go to Dubling as to- - !" said I, with a stamp of:my foot.
" There's nothing else for it," said Ulick, with a
laugh, to Fagan. " Take your ground, Fagan, -twelve
paces, I suppose ?"
" Ten, sir," said Mr. Quin, in a big voice ; " and
make them short ones, do you hear, Captain Fagan ?"
4*
82 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Don't bully, Mr. Quin," said Ulick, surlily ; " here
are the pistols." And he added, with some emotion,
to me , " God bless you, my boy ; and when I count
three, fire."
Mr. Fagan put my pistol into my hand, —that is,
not one of mine (which were to serve, if need were, for
66
the next round), but one of Ulick's. They are all
right," said he. " Never fear ; and Redmond, fire at
his neck-hit him there under the gorget. See how
the fool shows himself open."
Mick, who had never spoken a word, Ulick, and the
captain retired to one side, and Ulick gave the signal.
It was slowly given, and I had leisure to cover my man
well. I saw him changing colour and trembling as the
numbers were given. At " three," both our pistols
went off. I heard something whizz by me, and my
antagonist giving a most horrible groan, staggered
backwards and fell.
" He's down !-he's down !" cried the seconds, run-
ning towards him. Ulick lifted him up-Mick took
his head.
" He's hit here, in the neck," said Mick ; and lay-
ing open his coat, blood was seen gurgling from under
his gorget, at the very spot at which I aimed .
"How is it with you ?" said Ulick. " Is he really
hit ?" said he, looking hard at him. The unfortunate
man did not answer, but when the support of Ulick's "
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 83

arm was withdrawn from his back, groaned once more

and fell backwards.
"The young fellow has begun well," said Mick,
with a scowl. "You had better ride off, young sir, be-
fore the police are up. They had wind of the business
before we left Kilwangan."
"Is he quite dead ?” said I.
"Quite dead," answered Mick.
" Then the world's rid of a coward," said Captain
Fagan, giving the huge prostrate body a scornful kick
with his foot. " It's all over with him, Reddy,-he
doesn't stir."
" We are not cowards, Fagan," said Ulick, roughly,
"whatever he was ! Let's get the boy off as quick as
we may. Your man shall go for a cart, and take away
the body of this unhappy gentleman. This has been
a sad day's work for our family, Redmond Barry, and
you have robbed us of 1500l. a-year."
" It was Nora did it," said I ; " not I." And I
took the riband she gave me out of my waistcoat, and
the letter, and flung them down on the body of Cap-
tain Quin. " There !" says I-" take her those ribands.
She'll know what they mean ; and that's all that's left
to her of two lovers she had and ruined."
I did not feel any horror or fear, young as I was,
in seeing my enemy prostrate before me ; for I knew
that I had met and conquered him honourably in the
field, as became a man of my name and blood.
84 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" And now, in Heaven's name, get the youngster

out of the way," said Mick.
Ulick said he would ride with me, and off accord-
ingly we galloped, never drawing bridle till we came to
my mother's door. When there, Ulick told Tim to
feed my mare, as I would have far to ride that day, and
I was in the poor mother's arms in a minute.
I need not tell how great were her pride and exul-
tation when she heard from Ulick's lips the account of
my behaviour at the duel. He urged, however, that I
should go into hiding for a short time ; and it was
agreed between them that I should drop my name of
Barry, and, taking that of Redmond , go to Dublin, and
there wait until matters were blown over. This ar-
rangement was not come to without some discussion ;
for why should I not be as safe at Barryville, she said,
as my cousin and Ulick at Castle Brady ? -bailiffs and
duns never got near them ; why should constables be
enabled to come upon me ? But Ulick persisted in the
necessity of my instant departure, in which argument,
as I was anxious to see the world, I must confess, I
sided with him ; and my mother was brought to see
that in our small house at Barryville, in the midst of
the village, and with the guard but of a couple of ser-
vants, escape would be impossible. So the kind soul
was forced to yield to my cousin's entreaties, who pro-
mised her, however, that the affair would soon be ar-
ranged, and that I should be restored to her. Ah !
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 85

how little did he know what fortune was in store for

me !
My dear mother had some forebodings, I think,
that our separation was to be a long one ; for she told
me, that all night long, she had been consulting the
cards regarding my fate in the duel ; and that all the
signs betokened a separation ; and, taking out a stock-
ing from her escritoire, the kind soul put twenty gui-
neas in a purse for me (she had herself but twenty-five),
and made up a little valise, to be placed at the back of
my mare, in which were my clothes, linen, and a silver
dressing-case of my father's. She bade me, too , to
keep the sword and the pistols I had known to use so
like a man. She hurried my departure now (though
her heart, I know, was full), and almost in half-an-hour
after my arrival at home I was once more on the road
again, with the wide world, as it were, before me. I
need not tell how Tim and the cook cried at my de-
parture, and, mayhap , I had a tear or two myself in
my eyes but no lad of sixteen is very sad who has
liberty for the first time, and twenty guineas in his
pocket ; and I rode away, thinking, I confess, not so
much of the kind mother left alone, and of the home
behind me, as of to-morrow, and all the wonders it
would bring.
86 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER IV .

IN WHICH THE HERO MAKES A FALSE START IN THE

GENTEEL WORLD.

I RODE that night as far as Carlow, where I lay at the

best inn ; and being asked what was my name by the
landlord of the house, gave it as Mr. Redmond, accord-
ing to my cousin's instructions, and said I was of the
Redmonds of Waterford County, and was on my road
to Trinity College, Dublin, to be educated there. See-
ing my handsome appearance, silver-hilted sword, and
well-filled valise, my landlord made free to send up a

jug of claret without my asking, and charged, you

may be sure, pretty handsomely for it in the bill. No
gentleman in those good old days went to bed without
a good share of liquor to set him sleeping, and on this
my first day's entrance into the world, I made a point
to act the fine gentleman completely, and, I assure you,
succeeded in my part to admiration. The excitement
of the events of the day, the quitting my home, the
meeting with Captain Quin, were enough to set my
brains in a whirl, without the claret, which served to
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 87

finish me completely. I did not dream of the death of

Quin, as some milksops, perhaps, would have done ;
indeed , I have never had any of that foolish remorse
consequent upon any of my affairs of honour ; always
considering, from the first, that where a gentleman
risks his own life in manly combat, he is a fool to be
ashamed because he wins. I slept at Carlow as sound
as man could sleep ; drank a tankard of small beer and
a toast to my breakfast ; and exchanged the first of my
gold pieces to settle the bill, not forgetting to pay all
the servants liberally, and as a gentleman should. I
began so the first day of my life, and so have continued .
No man has been at greater straits than I, and has
borne more pinching poverty and hardship ; but no-
body can say of me that, if I had a guinea, I was not
free-handed with it, and spent it as well as a lord
could do.
I had no doubts of the future ; thinking that a man
of my person, parts, and courage, could make his way
any where. Besides, I had twenty gold guineas in my
pocket, a sum which (although I was mistaken) I cal-
culated would last me for four months at least, during
which time something would be done towards the mak-
ing of my fortune. So I rode on, singing to myself, or
chatting with the passers-by ; and all the girls along
the road said, " God save me, for a clever gentleman !"
As for Nora and Castle Brady, between to-day and
yesterday there seemed to be a gap as of half-a-score
88 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

of years. I vowed I would never re-enter the place but

as a great man ; and I kept my vow too, as you shall
hear in due time.
There was inuch more liveliness and bustle on the
king's highroad in those times, than in these days of
stage-coaches, which carry you from one end of the
kingdom to another in a few score hours. The gentry
rode their own horses or drove in their own coaches,
and spent three days on a journey which now occupies
ten hours ; so that there was no lack of company for a
person travelling towards Dublin. I made part of the
journey from Carlow towards Naas with a well-armed
gentleman from Kilkenny, dressed in green and a gold
cord, with a patch on his eye, and riding a powerful
mare. He asked me the questions of the day, and
whither I was bound, and whether my mother was not
afraid on account of the highwaymen to let one so
young as myself to travel ? But I said, pulling out
one of them from a holster, that I had a pair of good
pistols that had already done execution, and were ready
to do it again ; and here, a pock-marked man coming
up, he put spurs into his bay mare and left me. She
was a much more powerful animal than mine, and,
besides, I did not wish to fatigue my horse, wishing to
enter Dublin that night, and in reputable condition.
As I rode towards Kilcullen, I saw a crowd of the
peasant people assembled round a one-horse chair, and
my friend in green, as I thought, making off half a
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 89

mile up the hill. A footman was howling " stop thief"

at the top of his voice ; but the country fellows were
only laughing at his distress, and making all sorts of
jokes at the adventure which had just befallen.
" Sure, you might have kept him off with your
blunderbush !" says one fellow.
"O the coward ! to let the captain bate you ; and
he only one eye !" cries another.
" The next time my lady travels, she'd better lave
you at home !" said a third .
"What is this noise, fellows ?" said I, riding up
amongst them, and seeing a lady in the carriage very
pale and frightened, gave a slash of my whip, and bade
the red-shanked ruffians keep off. " What has hap-
pened, madam, to annoy your ladyship ?" I said, pulling
off my hat, and bringing my mare up in a prance to
the chair-window.
The lady explained. She was the wife of Captain
Fitzsimons, and was hastening to join the captain at
Dublin. Her chair had been stopped by a highway-
man ; the great oaf of a serving-man had fallen down
on his knees, armed as he was ; and though there were
thirty people in the next field working when the ruffian
attacked her, not one of them would help her, but, on
the contrary, wished the captain, as they called the
highwayman, good luck.
"Sure he's the friend of the poor," said one fellow,
" and good luck to him !"
90 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Was it any business of ours ?" asked another.

And another told, grinning, that it was the famous
Captain Freny, who, having bribed the jury to acquit
him, two days back, at Kilkenny assizes, had mounted
his horse at the gaol door, and the very next day had
robbed two barristers who were going the circuit.*
I told this pack of rascals to be off to their work,
or they should taste of my thong, and proceeded, as
well as I could, to comfort Mrs. Fitzsimons under her
misfortunes. " Had she lost much ?" " Everything :
her purse, containing upwards of a hundred guineas ;
her jewels, snuff-boxes, watches, and a pair of diamond
shoe-buckles of the captain's." These mishaps I sin-
cerely commiserated ; and knowing her by her accent
to be an Englishwoman, deplored the difference that
existed between the two countries, and said that in our
country (meaning England) such atrocities were un-
known.
แ" You, too, are an Englishman ?" said she, with

rather a tone of surprise. On which I said , I was proud

to be such, as, in fact, I was ; and I never knew a true
Tory gentleman of Ireland who did not wish he could
say as much.
* Mr. Barry's story may be correct ; but we find in the
autobiography of Captain Freny, that it was not he, but a
couple of his associates, who were acquitted from a bribe of
five guineas distributed amongst the jury. He describes the
robbery of a lady under precisely similar circumstances. In
the present day, the peasantry of Tipperary look on at murders.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 91

I rode by Mrs. Fitzsimons' chair all the way to

Naas ; and, as she had been robbed of her purse, asked
permission to lend her a couple of pieces to pay her ex-
penses at the inn, which sum she was graciously pleased
to accept, and was, at the same time, kind enough to
invite me to share her dinner. To the lady's questions.
regarding my birth and parentage, I replied that I was
a young gentleman of large fortune (this was not true;
but what is the use of crying bad fish ? My dear
mother instructed me early in this sort of prudence) ,
and good family in the county Waterford. That I was
going to Dublin for my studies, and that my mother
allowed me five hundred per annum. Mrs. Fitzsimons
was equally communicative. She was the daughter of
General Granby Somerset, of Worcestershire, of whom,
of course, I had heard (and though I had not, of
course I was too well-bred to say so) ; and had made,
as she must confess, a runaway match with Ensign
Fitzgerald Fitzsimons. Had I been in Donegal ?-
No ! That was a pity. The captain's father possesses
a hundred thousand acres there, and Fitzsimonsburgh
Castle's the finest mansion in Ireland . Captain Fitz-
simons is the eldest son ; and, though he has quarrelled
with his father, must inherit the vast property. She
went on to tell me about the balls at Dublin , the ban-
quets at the Castle, the horse-races at the Phoenix, the
ridottos and routs, until I became quite eager to join in
those pleasures ; and I only felt grieved to think that
92 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

my position would render secrecy necessary, and pre-

vent me from being presented at the court, of which
the Fitzsimonses were the most elegant ornaments.
How different was her lively rattle to that of the vul-
gar wenches at the Kilwangan assemblies. In every
sentence she mentioned a lord or a person of quality.
.
She evidently spoke French and Italian, of the former
of which languages I have said I knew a few words ;
and, as for her English accent, why, perhaps, I was no
judge of that, for, to say the truth, she was the first
real English person I had ever met. She recom-
mended me, farther, to be very cautious with regard to
the company I should meet at Dublin, where rogues
and adventurers of all countries abounded ; and my de-
light and gratitude to her may be imagined, when, as
our conversation grew more intimate (as we sat over
our dessert) , she kindly offered to accommodate me
with lodgings in her own house, where her Fitzsimons,
she said, would welcome with delight her gallant young
preserver.
"Indeed, madam," said I, " 1 have preserved noth-
ing for you." Which was perfectly true ; for had I
not come up too late after the robbery to prevent the
highwayman from carrying off her money and pearls ?
"And sure, ma'am, them wasn't much," said Sulli-
van, the blundering servant, who had been so frightened
at Freny's approach, and was waiting on us at dinner.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 93

" Didn't he return you the thirteenpence in copper, and

the watch, saying it was only pinchbeck ? "
But his lady rebuked him for a saucy varlet, and
turned him out of the room at once, saying to me
when he had gone , " that the fool didn't know what
was the meaning of a hundred-pound bill, which was
in the pocket-book that Freny took from her."
Perhaps had I been a little older in the world's ex-
perience, I should have begun to see that Madam Fitz-
simons was not the person of fashion she pretended to
be ; but, as it was, I took all her stories for truth, and,
when the landlord brought the bill for dinner, paid it
with the air of a lord. Indeed, she made no motion to
produce the two pieces I had lent to her ; and so we
rode on slowly towards Dublin, into which city we
made our entrance at nightfall. The rattle and splen-
dour of the coaches, the flare of the linkboys, the num-
ber and magnificence of the houses, struck me with the
greatest wonder ; though I was careful to disguise this
feeling, according to my dear mother's directions, who
told me that it was the mark of a man of fashion never
to wonder at any thing, and never to admit that any
house, equipage, or company he saw, was more splen-
did or genteel than what he had been accustomed to at
home.

We stopped, at length, at a house of rather mean

appearance, and were let into a passage by no means
so clean as that at Barryville, where there was a great
94 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

smell of supper and punch . A stout, redfaced man,

without a periwig, and in rather a tattered nightgown
and cap, made his appearance from the parlour, and
embraced his lady (for it was Captain Fitzsimons)
with a great deal of cordiality. Indeed, directly he
saw that a stranger accompanied her, he embraced her
more rapturously than ever. In introducing me, she
persisted in saying that I was her preserver, and com-
plimented my gallantry as much as if I had killed
Freny, instead of coming up when the robbery was
over. The captain said he knew the Redmonds of
Waterford intimately well, which assertion alarmed
me, as I knew nothing of the family to which I was
stated to belong. But I posed him, by asking which
of the Redmonds he knew, for I had never heard his
name in our family. He said, he " knew the Redmonds
of Redmondstown." " Oh," says I, " mine are the Red-
monds of Castle Redmond ; " and so I put him off the
scent. I went to see my nag put up at a livery stable
hard by, with the captain's horse and chair, and return-
ed to my entertainer.
Although there were the relics of some mutton-
chops and onions on a cracked dish before him, the
captain said, " My love, I wish I had known of your
coming, for Bob Moriarty and I just finished the most
delicious venison pasty, which his grace the lord lieu-
tenant sent us, with a flash of sillery from his own cel-
lar. You know the winc, my dear ? But as bygones
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 95

are bygones, and no help for them, what say ye to a

fine lobster and a bottle of as good claret as any in Ire-
land ? Betty, clear these things from the table, and
make the mistress and our young friend welcome to
our home."
Not having small change, Mr. Fitzsimons asked me
to lend him a tenpenny-piece to purchase the dish of
lobsters ; but his lady, handing out one of the guineas
I had given her, bade the girl get the change for that,
and procure the supper, which she did presently, bring-
ing back only a very few shillings out of the guinea to
her mistress, saying that the fishmonger had kept the
remainder for an old account. "And the more great,
big, blundering fool you, for giving the gold piece to
him," roared Mr. Fitzsimons. I forget how many hun-
dred guineas he said he had paid the fellow during the
year.
Our supper was seasoned, if not by any great ele-
gance, at least by a plentiful store of anecdotes, concern-
ing the highest personages of the city, with whom, ac-
cording to himself, the captain lived on terms of the
utmost intimacy. Not to be behindhand with him , I
spoke of my own estates and property as if I was as
rich as a duke. I told all the stories of the nobility I
had ever heard from my mother, and some that, per-
haps, I had invented ; and ought to have been aware
that my host was an impostor himself, as he did not
find out my own blunders and misstatements. But
96 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

youth is ever too confident. It was some time before I

knew that I had made no very desirable acquaintance
in Captain Fitzsimons and his lady, and, indeed, went
to bed congratulating myself upon my wonderful good
luck in having, at the outset of my adventures, fallen
in with so distinguished a couple.
The appearance of the chamber I occupied might,
indeed, have led me to imagine that the heir of Fitz-
simonsburgh Castle, county Donegal, was not as yet
reconciled with his wealthy parents, and, had I been an
English lad, probably my suspicion and distrust would
have been aroused instantly. But, perhaps, as the
reader knows, we are not so particular in Ireland on
the score of neatness as people are in this precise coun-
try, hence the disorder of my bed- chamber did not
strike me so much. For were not all the windows
broken and stuffed with rags even at Castle Brady,
my uncle's superb mansion ? Was there ever a lock
to the doors there, or if a lock a handle to the lock, or
a hasp to fasten it to ? So, though my bed-room boast-
ed of these inconveniences, and a few more, though my
counterpane was evidently a greased brocade dress of
Mrs. Fitzsimons', and my cracked toilet-glass not much
bigger than a half- crown, yet I was used to this sort of
ways in Irish houses, and still thought myself in that
of a man of fashion. There was no lock to the draw-
ers, which, when they did open, were full of my hostess's
rouge-pots, shoes, stays, and rags, so I allowed my ward-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 97

robe to remain in my valise, but set out my silver dress-

ing apparatus upon the ragged cloth on the drawers,
where it shone to great advantage.
When Sullivan appeared in the morning, I asked
him about my mare, which he informed me was doing
well ; I then bade him bring me hot shaving-water in
a loud, dignified tone.
"Hot shaving-water !" says he, bursting out laugh-
ing (and I confess not without reason). "Is it yourself
you're going to shave ?" said he. " And maybe when
I bring you up the water I'll bring you up the cat too,
and you can shave her." I flung a boot at the scoun-
drel's head in reply to this impertinence, and was soon
with my friends in the parlour for breakfast. There
was a hearty welcome, and the same cloth that had
been used the night before, as I recognised by the black
mark of the Irish stew-dish, and the stain left by a pot
of porter at supper.
My host greeted me with great cordiality ; Mrs.
Fitzsimons said I was an elegant figure for the Phoenix ;
and, indeed, without vanity, I may say of myself that
there were worse-looking fellows in Dublin than I. I
had not the powerful chest and muscular proportion
which I have since attained (to be exchanged, alas ! for
gouty legs and chalk-stones in my fingers, but 'tis the
way of mortality) , but I had arrived at near my present
growth of six feet, and with my hair in buckle, a hand-
some lacejabot and wristbands to my shirt, and a red
5
98 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

plush waistcoat, barred with gold , looked the gentleman

I was born. I wore my drab coat with plate buttons,
that was grown too small for me, and quite agreed with
Captain Fitzsimons that I must pay a visit to his tailor.
in order to procure myself a coat more fitting my size.
" I needn't ask whether you had a comfortable
bed," said he. " Young Fred Pimpleton (Lord Pim-
pleton's second son) slept in it for seven months, during
which he did me the honour to stay with me, and if he
was satisfied, I don't know who else wouldn't be."
After breakfast we walked out to see the town, and
Mr. Fitzsimons introduced me to several of his ac-
quaintances whom we met, as his particular young
friend Mr. Redmond, of Waterford county ; he also
presented me at his hatter's and tailor's as a gentleman
of great expectations and large property ; and although
I told the latter that I should not pay him ready cash
for more than one coat, which fitted me to a nicety, yet
he insisted upon making me several, which I did not
care to refuse. The captain, also, who certainly wanted
such a renewal of raiment, told the tailor to send him
home a handsome military frock, which he selected.
Then we went home to Mrs. Fitzsimons, who drove
out in her chair to the Phoenix Park, where a review
was, and where numbers of the young gentry were
round about her, to all of whom she presented me as
her preserver of the day before. Indeed, such was her
complimentary account of me, that before half an hour
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 99

I had got to be considered as a young gentleman of

the highest family in the land, related to all the princi-
pal nobility, a cousin of Captain Fitzsimons, and heir
to 10,000l . a year. Fitzsimons said he had ridden over
every inch of my estate ; and faith, as he chose to tell
these stories for me, I let him have his way-indeed
was not a little pleased (as youth is) to be made much
of, and to pass for a great personage. I had little no-
tion then that I had got among a set of impostors—
that Captain Fitzsimons was only an adventurer, and
his lady a person of no credit ; but such are the dan-
gers to which youth is perpetually subject, and hence let
young men take warning by me.*
I purposely hurry over the description of my life,
in which the incidents were painful, of no great inter-
est except to my unlucky self, and which my compan-
ions were certainly not of a kind befitting my quality.
The fact was, a young man could hardly have fallen
into worse hands than those in which I now found my-
self. I have been to Donegal since, and have never
seen the famous Castle of Fitzsimonsburgh, which is,

* The Editor of the Memoirs of Barry Lyndon cannot help

pointing out here a truth which seems to have escaped the no-
tice of the amiable autobiographer, viz., that there were more than
two impostors present at Captain and Mrs. Fitzsimons' table,
when they and their young guest dined there. It never seems to
have struck Mr. Barry that had he not represented himself to be
a man of fortune none of the difficulties here described would
have occurred to him.
100 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

likewise, unknown to the oldest inhabitants of that

county ; nor are the Granby Somersets much better
known in Hampshire. The couple into whose hands 1
had fallen were of a sort much more common than
those at present, for the vast wars of later days have
rendered it very difficult for noblemen's footmen or
hangers-on to procure commissions, and such, in fact,
had been the original station of Captain Fitzsimons.
Had I known his origin, of course I would have died
rather than have associated with him ; but in those
seraph days of youth I took his tales for truth, and
fancied myself in high luck as being, in my outset in-
to life, introduced into such a family. Alas ! we are
the sport of destiny. When I consider upon what
small circumstances all the great events of my life have
turned , I can hardly believe myself to have been any
thing but a puppet in the hands of Fate, which has
played its most fantastic tricks upon me.
The captain had been a gentleman's gentleman,
and his lady of no higher rank. The society which
this worthy pair kept was at a sort of ordinary which
they held, and at which their friends were always wel-
come on payment of a certain moderate sum for their
dinner. After dinner, you may be sure that cards were
not wanting, and that the company who played did
not play for love merely. To these parties persons of
all sorts would come ; young bloods from the regi-
ments garrisoned in Dublin ; young officials from the
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 101

Castle ; horse-riding, wine-tippling, watchman-beating

men of fashion about town, such as existed in Dublin
in that day more than in any other city with which I
am acquainted in Europe. I never knew young fel-
lows make such a show, and upon such small means.
I never knew young gentlemen with what I may call
such a genius for idleness ; and whereas an English-
man, with fifty guineas a year, is not able to do much
more than to starve, and toil like a slave in a profes-
sion, a young Irish buck, with the same sum, will keep
his horses, and drink his bottle, and live as lazy as a
lord. Here was a doctor, who never had a patient,
cheek by jowl with an attorney, who never had a cli-
ent ; neither had a guinea—each had a good horse to
ride in the park, and the best of clothes to their backs.
A sporting clergyman without a living ; several young
wine-merchants, who consumed much more liquor than
they had or sold ; and men of similar character, formed
the society at the house into which, by ill-luck, I was
thrown. What could happen to a man but misfortune
from associating with such company ? (I have not
mentioned the ladies of the society, who were, perhaps,
no better than the males) and in a very, very short time
I became their prey.
As for my poor twenty guineas, in three days I
saw, with terror, that they had dwindled down to eight ;
theatres and taverns having already made such cruel
inroads in my purse. At play I had lost, it is true, a
102 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

couple of pieces, but seeing that every one round about

me played upon honour and gave their bills, I, of
course, preferred that medium to the payment of ready
money, and when I lost paid on account.
With the tailors, saddlers, and others, I employed
similar means ; and in so far Mr. Fitzsimons' represen-
tation did me good, for the tradesmen took him at his
word regarding my fortune (I have since learned that
the rascal pigeoned several other young men of proper-
ty), and for a little time supplied me with any goods I
might be pleased to order. At length, my cash run-
ning low, I was compelled to pawn some of the suits
with which the tailor had provided me ; for I did not
like to part with my mare, on which I daily rode in
the park, and which I loved as the gift of my respect-
ed uncle. I raised some little money, too, on a few
trinkets which I had purchased of a jeweller who
pressed his credit upon me, and thus was enabled to
keep up appearances for yet a little time.
I asked at the post-office repeatedly for letters for
Mr. Redmond, but none such had arrived ; and, indeed,
I always felt rather relieved when the answer of " No,"
was given to me ; for I was not very anxious that my
mother should know my proceedings in the extrava-
gant life which I was leading at Dublin. It could not
last very long, however ; for when my cash was quite
exhausted, and I paid a second visit to the tailor, re-
questing him to make me more clothes, the fellow
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 103

hummed and ha'd, and had the impudence to ask pay-

ment for those already supplied ; on which, telling him
I should withdraw my custom from him, I abruptly left
him. The goldsmith, too (a rascal Jew), declined to
let me take a gold chain to which I had a fancy, and I
felt now, for the first time, in some perplexity. To add
to it, one of the young gentlemen who frequented Mr.
Fitzsimons' boarding-house had received from me, in
the way of play, an I O U for eighteen pounds (which
I lost to him at picquet), and which, owing Mr. Cur-
byn, the livery-stable keeper, a bill, he passed it into
that person's hands. Fancy my rage and astonish-
ment, then, on going for my mare, to find that he posi-
tively refused to let me have her out of the stable, ex-
cept under payment of my promissory note ! It was in
vain that I offered him his choice of four notes that I
had in my pocket -one of Fitzsimons ' for 201., one of
Counsellor Mulligan's, and so forth, the dealer, who
was a Yorkshireman, shook his head, and laughed at
every one of them ; and said, " I tell you what, Master
Redmond, you appear a young fellow of birth and for-
tune, and let me whisper in your ear that you have
fallen into very bad hands- it's a regular gang of
swindlers ; and a gentleman of your rank and quality
should never be seen in such company. Go home, pack
up your valise, pay the little trifle to me, mount your
mare, and ride back again to your parents,-it's the very
best thing you can do.”
104 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

In a pretty nest of villains, indeed , was I plunged ! It

seemed as if all my misfortunes were to break on me
at once; for, on going home and ascending to my bed-
room in a disconsolate way, I found the captain and
his lady there before me, my valise open, my wardrobe
lying on the ground, and my keys in the possession of
the odious Fitzsimons. "Whom have I been harbour-
ing in my house ?" roared he, as I entered the apart-
ment. "Who are you, sirrah ?"
" Sirrah ! Sir," said I, " I am as good a gentleman
as any in Ireland."
" You're an impostor, young man, a schemer, a de-
ceiver !" shouted the captain.
" Repeat the words again, and I will run you through
the body," replied I.
" Tut, tut ! I can play at fencing as well as you, Mr.
REDMOND BARRY. Ah ! you change colour, do you—
your secret is known, is it ? You come like a viper into
the bosom of innocent families ; you represent yourself as
the heir ofmy friends the Redmonds of Castle Redmond ;
I inthrojuice you to the nobility and genthry of this
methropolis (the captain's brogue was large, and his
words, by preference, long) ; I take you to my tradesmen,
who give you credit, and what do I find ? That you have
pawned the goods which you took up at their houses."
" I have given them my acceptances, sir," said I
with a dignified air.
" Under what name, unhappy boy-under what
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 105

name ?" screamed Mrs. Fitzsimons-and then, indeed,

I remembered that I had signed the documents Barry
Redmond instead of Redmond Barry ; but what else
could I do ? Had not my mother desired me to take
no other designation ? After uttering a furious tirade
against me, in which he spoke of the fatal discovery of
my real name on my linen-of his misplaced confidence
and affection, and the shame with which he should be
obliged to meet his fashionable friends, and confess that
he had harboured a swindler, he gathered up the linen
- clothes, silver toilette articles, and the rest of my gear,
saying, that he should step out that moment for an
officer, and give me up to the just revenge of the law.
During the first part of his speech, the thought of
the imprudence of which I had been guilty, and the
predicament in which I was plunged, had so puzzled
and confounded me, that I had not uttered a word in
reply to the fellow's abuse, but had stood quite dumb
before him. The sense of danger, however, at once
roused me to action. 66 Hark ye, Mr. Fitzsimons," said
I ; " I will tell you why I was obliged to alter my name,
which is Barry, and the best name in Ireland. I
changed it, sir, because, on the day before I came to
Dublin, I killed a man in deadly combat- an English-
man, sir, and a captain in His Majesty's service ; and
if you offer to let or hinder me in the slightest way, the
same arm which destroyed him is ready to punish you ;
and, by heaven, sir, you or I don't leave this room alive !"
5*
106 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

So saying, I drew my sword like lightning, and

giving a “ ha, ha !" and a stamp with my foot, lounged
it within an inch of Fitzsimons' heart, who started back
and turned deadly pale, while his wife, with a scream,
flung herself between us.
"Dearest Redmond," she cried, " be pacified . Fitz-
simons, you don't want the poor child's blood. Let
him escape—in Heaven's name let him go."
"He may go hang for me," said Fitzsimons, sulki-
ly ; " and he'd better be off quickly, too, for the jewel-
ler and the tailor have called once, and will be here
again before long. It was Moses the pawnbroker that
peached ; I had the news from him myself." By which
I conclude that Mr. Fitzsimons had been with the new-
laced frock-coat which he procured from the merchant-
tailor on the day when the latter first gave me credit.
What was the end of our conversation ? Where
was now a home for the descendant of the Barrys ?
Home was shut to me by my misfortune in the duel.
I was expelled from Dublin by a persecution occasion-
ed, I must confess, by my own imprudence. I had no
time to wait and choose. No place of refuge to fly to.
Fitzsimons, after his abuse of me, left the room growl-
ing, but not hostile ; his wife insisted that we should
shake hands, and he promised not to molest me. In-
deed, I owed the fellow nothing ; and, on the contrary,
had his acceptance actually in my pocket for money
lost at play. As for my friend, Mrs. Fitzsimons, she
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 107

sat down on the bed and fairly burst out crying. She
had her faults, but her heart was kind ; and though
she possessed but three shillings in the world, and four-
pence in copper, the poor soul made me take it before
I left her to go -whither ? My mind was made up,
there was a score of recruiting parties in the town beat-
ing up for men to join our gallant armies in America
and Germany ; I knew where to find one of these, hav-
ing stood by the sergeant at a review in the Phoenix
Park, where he pointed out to me characters on the
field, for which I treated him to drink.
I gave one of my shillings to Sullivan, the butler of
the Fitzsimonses, and, running into the street, hastened
to the little ale-house at which my acquaintance was
quartered, and before ten minutes had accepted his Ma-
jesty's shilling. I told him frankly that I was a young
gentleman in difficulties ; that I had killed an officer in
a duel, and was anxious to get out of the country. But
I need not have troubled myself with any explanations,
King George was too much in want of men then to
heed from whence they came, and a fellow of my inch-
es, the sergeant said, was always welcome. Indeed, I
could not, he said, have chosen my time better. A
transport was lying at Dunleary, waiting for a wind,
and on board that ship, to which I marched that night,
I made some surprising discoveries, which shall be told
in the next chapter.
108 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER V.

IN WHICH BARRY TAKES A NEAR VIEW OF MILITARY

GLORY.

I NEVER had a taste for any thing but genteel com-

pany, and hate all descriptions of low life. Hence my
account ofthe society in which I at present found my-
self must of necessity be short, and , indeed, the recol-
lection of it is profoundly disagreeable to me. Pah !
the reminiscences of the horrid black-hole of a place in
which we soldiers were confined, of the wretched crea-
tures with whom I was now forced to keep company,
of the ploughmen, poachers, pickpockets, who had
taken refuge from poverty, or the law, as, in truth, I
had done myself, is enough to make me ashamed even
now, and it calls the blush into my old cheeks to think
I was ever forced to keep such company. I should
have fallen into despair but that, luckily, events occurred
to rouse my spirits, and in some measure to console me
for my misfortunes.
The first of these consolations I had was a good
quarrel, which took place on the day after my entrance
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 109

into the transport ship, with a huge, red-haired monster

of a fellow-a chairman, who had enlisted to fly from a
vixen of a wife, who, boxer as he was, had been more
than a match for him. As soon as this fellow- Toole,
I remember, was his name-got away from the arms of
the washerwoman, his lady, his natural courage and fe-
rocity returned, and he became the tyrant of all round
about him. All recruits, especially, were the object of
the brute's insult and ill-treatment.
I had no money, as I said, and was sitting very dis-
consolately over a platter of rancid bacon and mouldy
biscuit, which was served to us at mess, when it came
to my turn to be helped to drink, and I was served,
like the rest, with a dirty tin noggin, containing some-
what more than half a pint of rum and water. The
beaker was so greasy and filthy that I could not help
turning round to the messman and saying, " Fellow,
get me a glass !" At which all the wretches round
about me burst into a roar of laughter, the very loudest
among them being, of course, Mr. Toole. " Get the
gentleman a towel for his hands, and serve him a
basin of turtle-soup," roared the monster who was sit-
ting, or rather squatting, on the deck opposite me,
and as he spoke he suddenly seized my beaker of grog
and emptied it in the midst of another burst of ap-
plause.
"If you want to vex him, 'ax him about his wife,
the washerwoman, who bates him," here whispered in
110 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

my ear another worthy, a retired link-boy, who, dis-

gusted with his profession, had adopted the military
life.
" Is it a towel of your wife's washing, Mr. Toole ?"
said I. " I'm told she wiped your face often with one."
"Ax him why he wouldn't see her yesterday, when
she came to the ship," continued the link-boy. And so
I put to him some other foolish jokes about soap-suds,
hen-pecking, and flat-irons, which set the man into a
fury, and succeeded in raising a quarrel between us.
We should have fallen to at once, but a couple of grin-
ning marines, who kept watch at the door, for fear we
should repent of our bargain and have a fancy to
escape, came forward and interposed between us with
fixed bayonets, and the sergeant, coming down the lad-
der and hearing the dispute, condescended to say that
we might fight it out like men with fistes if we chose,
and that the fore-deck should be free to us for that
purpose. But the use of fistes, as the Englishman
called them, was not then general in Ireland, and it
was agreed that we should have a pair of cudgels, with
one of which weapons I finished the fellow in four
minutes, giving him a thump across his stupid sconce
which laid him lifeless on the deck, and not receiving
myself a single hurt of consequence.
This victory over the cock of the vile dunghill ob-
tained me respect among the wretches of whom I
formed part, and served to set up my spirits, which
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 111

otherwise were flagging ; and my position was speedily

made more bearable by the arrival on board our ship
of an old friend. This was no other than my second in
the fatal duel which had sent me thus early out into
the world, Captain Fagan.There was a young noble-
man who had a company in our regiment (Gale's foot) ,
and who, preferring the delights of the mall and the
clubs to the dangers of a rough campaign, had given
Fagan the opportunity of an exchange, which, as the
latter had no fortune but his sword, he was glad to
make. The sergeant was putting us through our exer-
cise on deck (the seamen and officers of the transport
looking grinning on) when a boat came from the shore
bringing our captain to the ship, and though I started
and blushed red as he recognised me-a descendant of
the Barrys-in this degrading posture, I promise you
that the sight of Fagan's face was most welcome to me,
for it assured me that a friend was near me. Before
that I was so melancholy that I would certainly have
deserted had I found the means, and had not the inevi-
table marines kept a watch to prevent any such escapes.
Fagan gave me a wink of recognition, but offered no
public token of acquaintance, and it was not until two
days afterwards, and when we had bidden adieu to old
Ireland and were standing out to sea, that he called mo
into his cabin, and then, shaking hands with me cor-
dially, gave me news, which I much wanted, of my
family. " I had news of you in Dublin," he said.
112 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Faith, you've begun early, like your father's son,

and I think you could not do better than as you have
done. But why did you not write home to your poor
mother ? She has sent a half-dozen letters to you at
Dublin."
I said I had asked for letters at the post-office, but
there were none for Mr. Redmond. I did not like to
add that I had been ashamed after the first week to
write to my mother.
"We must write to her by the pilot,” said he, “ who
will leave us in two hours, and you can tell her that you
are safe, and married to Brown Bess." I sighed when
he talked about being married ; on which he said, with
a laugh, " I see you are thinking of a certain young lady
at Brady's Town."
" Is Miss Brady well ? " said I ; and , indeed, could
hardly utter it, for I certainly was thinking about her ;
for, though I had forgotten her in the gaieties of Dub-
lin, I have always found adversity makes man very
affectionate.
" There's only seven Miss Bradys now," answered
66 99
Fagan, in a solemn voice, poor Nora
"Good Heavens ! what of her ? I thought grief
had killed her."
" She took on so at your going away that she was
obliged to console herself with a husband. She's now
Mrs. John Quin."
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 113

"Mrs. John Quin ! Was there another Mr. John

Quin ? " asked I, quite wonder-stricken .
“ No, the very same one, my boy. He recovered
from his wound. The ball you hit him with was not
likely to hurt him. It was only made of tow. Do you
think the Bradys would let you kill fifteen hundred a
year out of the family ? " And then Fagan farther told
me that, in order to get me out of the way, for the
cowardly Englishman could never be brought to marry
from fear of me, the plan of the duel had been arranged .
" But hit him you certainly did, Redmond, and with a
fine thick plugget of tow, and the fellow was so fright-
ened that he was an hour in coming to. We told your
mother the story afterwards, and a pretty scene she
made ; she despatched a half-score of letters to Dublin
after you, but I suppose addressed them to you in your
real name, by which you never thought to ask for
them."
"The coward ! " said I (though, I confess, my mind
was considerably relieved at the thoughts of not having
killed him). " And did the Bradys of Castle Brady
consent to admit a poltroon like that into one of the
most ancient and honourable families of the world ? ".
" He has paid off your uncle's mortgage," said Fa-
gan, "he gives Nora a coach-and-six, he is to sell out,
and Lieutenant Ulick Brady of the militia is to pur-
chase his company. That coward of a fellow has been
the making of your uncle's family. Faith ! the busi-
 114 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

ness was well done." And then, laughing, he told me

how Mick and Ulick had never let him out of their
sight, although he was for deserting to England, until
the marriage was completed, and the happy couple off
on their road to Dublin. " Are you in want of cash,
my boy ?" continued the good-natured captain. " You
may draw upon me, for I got a couple of hundred out
of Master Quin for my share, and while they last you
shall never want."
And so he bade me sit down and write a letter to
my mother, which I did forthwith in very sincere and
repentant terms, stating that I had been guilty of ex-
travagances, that I had not known until that moment
under what a fatal error I had been labouring, and that
I had embarked for Germany as a volunteer. And the
letter was scarcely finished when the pilot sung out that
he was going on shore ; and he departed , taking with
him, from many an anxious fellow besides myself, our
adieus to friends in old Ireland.
Although I was called Captain Barry for many
years of my life, and have been known as such by the
first people of Europe, yet I may as well confess I had
no more claim to the title than many a gentleman who
assumes it, and never had a right to an epaulet, or to
any military decoration higher than a corporal's stripe
of worsted. I was made corporal by Fagan during our
voyage to the Elbe, and my rank was confirmed on terra
firma. I was promised a halbert, too, and afterwards,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 115

perhaps, an ensigncy, if I distinguished myself ; but

Fate did not intend that I should remain long an Eng-
lish soldier, as shall appear presently. Meanwhile our
passage was very favourable ; my adventures were told
by Fagan to his brother officers, who treated me with
kindness ; and my victory over the big chairman pro-
cured me respect from my comrades of the fore-deck.
Encouraged and strongly exhorted by Fagan, I did my
duty resolutely ; but, though affable and good-humour-
ed with the men, I never at first condescended to asso-
ciate with such low fellows, and, indeed, was called
generally amongst them " my lord ." I believe it was
the ex-linkboy, a facetious knave, who gave me the
title, and I felt that I should become such a rank as
well as any peer in the kingdom.
It would require a greater philosopher and historian
than I am to explain the causes of the famous Seven
Years' War in which Europe was engaged ; and, in-
deed, its origin has always appeared to me to be so
complicated, and the books written about it so amaz-
ingly hard to understand, that I have seldom been
much wiser at the end of a chapter than at the begin-
ning, and so shall not trouble my reader with any per-
sonal disquisitions concerning the matter. All I know
is, that after his majesty's love of his Hanoverian do-
minions had rendered him most unpopular in his Eng-
lish kingdom, with Mr. Pitt at the head of the anti-
German war party, all of a sudden , Mr. Pitt becoming
 116 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

minister, the rest of the empire applauded the war as

much as they had hated it before. The victories of
Dettingen and Crefeld were in every body's mouths,
and " the Protestant hero," as we used to call the god-
less old Frederick of Prussia, was adored by us as a
saint a very short time after we had been about to make
war against him, in alliance with the empress queen .
Now, somehow, we were on Frederick's side ; the em-
press, the French, the Swedes, and the Russians, were
leagued against us ; and I remember, when the news of
the battle of Lissa came even to our remote quarter of
- Ireland, we considered it as a triumph for the cause of
Protestantism , and illuminated, and bonfired, and had
a sermon at church, and kept the Prussian king's birth-
day, on which my uncle would get drunk, as indeed on
any other occasion. Most of the low fellows enlisted
with myself were, of course, Papists (the English army
was filled with such out of that never-failing country of
ours), and these, forsooth, were fighting the battles of
Protestantism with Frederick, who was belabouring the
Protestant Swedes and the Protestant Saxons, as well as
the Russians of the Greek Church, and the Papist troops
of the emperor and the King of France. It was against
these latter that the English auxiliaries were employed,
and we know that, be the quarrel what it may, an Eng-
lishman and a Frenchman are pretty willing to make a
fight of it.
We landed at Cuxhaven, and before I had been a
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 117

month in the Electorate I was transported into a tall

and proper young soldier, and, having a natural apti-
tude for military exercise, was soon as accomplished at
the drill as the oldest sergeant in the regiment. It is
well, however, to dream of glorious war in a snug arm-
chair at home, ay, or to make it as an officer surround-
ed by gentlemen, gorgeously dressed, and cheered by
chances of promotion. But those chances do not shine
on poor fellows in worsted lace ; the rough texture of
our red coats made me ashamed when I saw an officer
go by ; my soul used to shudder when, on going the
rounds, I would hear their voices as they sat jovially
over the mess-table ; my pride revolted at being obliged
to plaster my hair with flower and candle-grease, in-
stead of using the proper pomatum for a gentleman.
Yes, my tastes have always been high and fashionable,
and I loathed the horrid company in which I was fallen .
What chances had I of promotion ? None of my rela-
tives had money to buy me a commission, and I be-
came soon so low-spirited, that I longed for a general
action and a ball to finish me, and vowed that I would
take some opportunity to desert.
When I think that I, the descendant of the kings
of Ireland, was threatened with a caning by a young
scoundrel who had just joined from Eton College-
when I think that he offered to make me his footman,
and that I did not, on either occasion, murder him ! On
the first occasion I burst into tears, I do not care to
118 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

own it, and had serious thoughts of committing suicide,

so great was my mortification . But my kind friend
Fagan came to my aid in the circumstance with some
very timely consolation. " My poor boy," said he, " you
must not take the matter to heart so. Caning is only
a relative disgrace. Young Ensign Fakenham was
flogged himself at Eton School only a month ago. I
would lay a wager that his scars are not yet healed .
You must cheer up, my boy ; do your duty, be a gen-
tleman, and no serious harm can fall on you." And I
heard afterwards that my champion had taken Mr.
Fakenham very severely to task for his threat, and said
to him that any such proceedings for the future he
should consider as an insult to himself, whereon the
young ensign was, for the moment, civil. As for the
sergeants, I told one of them, that if any man struck
me, no matter who he might be, or what the penalty,
I would take his life. And, faith ! there was an air of
sincerity in my speech which convinced the whole
bevy of them ; and as long as I remained in the Eng-
lish service no rattan was ever laid on the shoulders of
Redmond Barry. Indeed, I was in that savage, moody
state, that my mind was quite made up to the point,
and I looked to hear my own dead march played as
sure as I was alive. When I was made a corporal,
some of my evils were lessened ; I messed with the ser-
geants by special favour, and used to treat them to drink,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 119

and lose money to the rascals at play, with which cash

my good friend Mr. Fagan punctually supplied me.
Our regiment, which was quartered about Stade
and Luneburg, speedily got orders to march southwards
towards the Rhine, for news came that our great general,
Prince Ferdinand of Brunswick, had been defeated—
no, not defeated, but foiled in his attack upon the
French under the Duke of Broglio, at Bergen, near
Frankfort-on-the-Main, and had been obliged to fall
back. As the allies retreated, the French rushed for-
ward, and made a bold push for the Electorate of
our gracious monarch in Hanover, threatening that
they would occupy it as they had done before when
D'Estrées beat the hero of Culloden, the gallant Duke
of Cumberland, and caused him to sign the capitulation
of Closter Zeven. An advance upon Hanover always
caused a great agitation in the royal bosom of the King
of England, more troops were sent to join us, convoys
of treasure were passed over our forces, and to our ally's
the King of Prussia ; and although, in spite of all as-
sistance, the army under Prince Ferdinand was very
much weaker than that of the invading enemy, yet we
had the advantage of better supplies, one of the great-
est generals in the world, and, I was going to add , of
British valour, but the less we say about that the bet-
ter. My Lord George Sackville did not exactly cover
himself with laurels at Minden, otherwise there might
120 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

have been won there one of the greatest victories of

modern times.
Throwing himself between the French and interior
of the Electorate, Prince Ferdinand wisely took posses-
sion of the free town of Bremen, which he made his
store-house and place of arms, and round which he ga-
thered all his troops, making ready to fight the famous
battle of Minden.
Were these memoirs not characterised by truth,
and did I deign to utter a single word for which my
own personal experience did not give me the fullest
authority, I might easily make myself the hero of some
strange and popular adventures, and, after the fashion.
of novel-writers, introduce my readers to the great char-
acters of this remarkable time. These persons (I mean
the romance-writers), if they take a drummer or a dust-
man for a hero, somehow manage to bring him in con-
tact with the greatest lords and most notorious person-
ages of the empire, and I warrant me there's not one
of them but, in describing the battle of Minden, would
manage to bring Prince Ferdinand, and my Lord
George Sackville, and my Lord Granby, into presence.
It would have been easy for me to have said I was
present when the orders were brought to Lord George
to charge with the cavalry and finish the route of the
Frenchmen, and when he refused to do so, and thereby
But the fact is, I was two
spoiled the great victory.
miles off from the cavalry when his lordship's fatal
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 121

hesitation took place, and none of us soldiers of the line

knew of what had occurred until we came to talk about
the fight over our kettles in the evening, and repose af-
ter the labours of a hard-fought day. I saw no one of
higher rank that day than my colonel and a couple of
orderly officers riding by in the smoke—no one on our
side, that is. A poor corporal (as I then had the dis-
grace of being) is not generally invited into the com-
pany of commanders and the great ; but, in revenge, I
saw, I promise you, some very good company on the
French part, for their regiments of Lorraine and Royal
Cravate were charging us all day ; and in that sort of
mêlée high and low are pretty equally received . I hate
bragging, but I cannot help saying that I made a very
close acquaintance with the colonel of the Cravates, for
I drove my bayonet into his body, and finished off a
poor little ensign, so young, slender, and small, that a
blow from my pig-tail would have despatched him, I
think, in place of the butt of my musket, with which I
clubbed him down. I killed, besides, four more officers
and men, and in the poor ensign's pocket found a
purse of fourteen louis-d'or, and a silver box of sugar-
plums, of which the former present was very agreeable
to me. If people would tell their stories of battles in
this simple way, I think the cause of truth would not
suffer by it. All I know of this famous fight of Minden
(except from books) is told here above. The ensign's
silver bon-bon box and his purse of gold ; the livid face
6
122 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

of the poor fellow as he fell ; the huzzas of the men of

my company as I went out under a smart fire, and
rifled him ; their shouts and curses as we came hand in
hand with the Frenchmen,-these are, in truth, not
very dignified recollections, and had best be passed
over briefly. When my kind friend Fagan was shot,
a brother captain, and his very good friend, turned to
Lieutenant Rawson, and said, " Fagan's down ; Raw-
son, there's your company." It was all the epitaph my
brave patron got. " I should have left you a hundred
guineas, Redmond," were his last words to me, “ but
for a cursed run of ill-luck last night at faro ;" and he
gave me a faint squeeze of the hand ; and, as the word
was given to advance, I left him. When we came
back to our old ground, which we presently did, he
was lying there still, but he was dead. Some of our
people had already torn off his epaulets, and, no doubt,
had rifled his purse . Such knaves and ruffians do men
in war become ! It is well for gentlemen to talk of the
age of chivalry ; but remember the starving brutes
whom they lead- men nursed in poverty, entirely ig-
norant, made to take a pride in deeds of blood—men
who can have no amusement but in drunkenness, de-
bauch, and plunder. It is with these shocking instru-
ments that your great warriors and kings have been
doing their murderous work in the world ; and while,
for instance, we are at the present moment admiring
the " Great Frederick," as we call him, and his philoso-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 123

phy, and his liberality, and his military genius, I, who

have served him, and been, as it were, behind the scenes
of which that great spectacle is composed, can only
look at it with horror. What a number of items of
human crime, misery, slavery, to form that sum-total of
glory ! I can recollect a certain day, about three weeks
after the battle of Minden, and a farm-house in which
some of us entered ; and how the old woman and her
daughters served us, trembling, to wine ; and how we
got drunk over the wine, and the house was in a flame
presently ; and woe betide the wretched fellow after-
wards who came home to look for his house and his
children !
124 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER VI.

IN WHICH BARRY TRIES TO REMOVE AS FAR FROM MILI-

TARY GLORY AS POSSIBLE.

AFTER the death of my protector, Captain Fagan, I am

forced to confess that I fell into the very worst of
courses and company. Being a rough soldier of fortune
himself, he had never been a favourite with the officers
of his regiment ; who had a contempt for Irishmen, as
Englishmen sometimes will have, and used to mock his
brogue and his blunt, uncouth manners. I had been
insolent to one or two of them, and had only been
screened from punishment by his intercession ; and es-
pecially his successor, Mr. Rawson, had no liking for
me, and put another man into the sergeant's place va-
cant in his company after the battle of Minden. This
act of injustice rendered my service very disagreeable
to me ; and, instead of seeking to conquer the dislike
of my superiors, and win their good-will by good be-
haviour, I only sought for means to make my situation
easier to me, and grasped at all the amusements in my
power. In a foreign country, with the enemy before
us, and the people continually under contribution from
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 125

one side or the other, numberless irregularities were

permitted to the troops which would not have been al-
lowed in more peaceable times. I descended gradually
to mix with the sergeants, and to share their amuse-
ments ; drinking and gambling were, I am sorry to
say, our principal pastimes ; and I fell so readily into
their ways, that, though only a young lad of seventeen,
I was the master of them all in daring wickedness ;
though there were some among them who, I promise
you, were far advanced in the science of every kind of
profligacy. I should have been under the provost-mar-
shal's hands, for a dead certainty, had I continued
much longer in the army ; but an accident occurred
which took me out of the English service in rather a
singular manner.
The year in which George II. died, our regiment
had the honour to be present at the Battle of Warburg
(where the Marquess of Granby and his horse fully re-
trieved the discredit which had fallen upon the cavalry
since Lord George Sackville's defalcation at Minden),
and where Prince Ferdinand once more completely de-
feated the Frenchmen. During the action, my lieuten-
ant, Mr. Fakenham, of Fakenham, the gentleman who
had threatened me, it may be remembered, with the
caning, was struck by a musket-ball in the side. He
had shown no want of courage in this or any other oc-
casion where he had been called upon to act against
the French ; but this was his first wound, and the
126 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

young gentleman was exceedingly frightened by it.

He offered five guineas to be carried into the town
which was hard by ; and I and another man, taking
him up in a cloak, managed to transport him into a
place of decent appearance, where we put him to bed,
and where a young surgeon (who desired nothing bet-
ter than to take himself out of the fire of the musket-
ry) went presently to dress his wound.
In order to get into the house, we had been obliged,
it must be confessed , to fire into the locks with our pieces,
which summons brought an inhabitant of the house
to the door, a very pretty and black-eyed young wo-
man, who lived there with her old half-blind father, a
retired jagd-meister of the Duke of Cassel , hard by.
When the French were in the town, meinherr's house
had suffered like those of his neighbours ; and he was
at first exceedingly unwilling to accommodate our
guests. But the first knocking at the door had the ef-
fect of bringing a speedy answer ; and Mr. Fakenham,
taking a couple of guineas out of a very full purse,
speedily convinced the people that they had only to
deal with a person of honour.
Leaving the doctor (who was very glad to stop)
with his patient, who paid me the stipulated reward, I
was returning to my regiment with my other comrade,
after having paid, in my German jargon, some deserved
compliments to the black-eyed beauty of Warburg, and
thinking, with no small envy, how comfortable it would
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 127

be to be billeted there, when the private who was with

me cut short my reveries, by suggesting that we should
.
divide the five guineas that the lieutenant had given
me.
" There is your share," said I, giving the fellow one
piece, which was plenty, as I was the leader of the ex-
pedition. But he swore a dreadful oath that he would
have half ; and , when I told him to go to a quarter
which I shall not name, the fellow, lifting his musket
hit me a blow with the butt-end of it, which sent me
lifeless to the ground ; and, when I awoke from my
trance, I found myself bleeding with a large wound in
the head, and had barely time to stagger back to the
house where I had left the lieutenant, when I again
fell fainting at the door.
Here I must have been discovered by the surgeon
on his issuing out ; for when I awoke a second time I
found myself in the ground-floor room of the house,
supported by the black-eyed girl, while the surgeon was
copiously bleeding me at the arm. There was another
bed in the room where the lieutenant had been laid,-
it was that occupied by Gretel, the servant ; while
Lischen, as my fair one was called , had, till now, slept
in the couch where the wounded officer lay.
" Who are you putting into that bed ? " said he,
languidly, in German ; for the ball had been extracted
from his side with much pain and loss of blood.
 128 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

They told him it was the corporal who had brought

him.
" A corporal ?" said he, in English ; " turn him
out." And you may be sure I felt highly compliment-
ed by the words. But we were both too faint to com-
pliment or to abuse each other much, and I was put to
bed carefully ; and , on being undressed, had an oppor-
1
tunity to find that my pockets had been rifled by the
English soldier after he had knocked me down. How-
ever, I was in good quarters ; the young lady who
sheltered me presently brought me a refreshing drink ;
and, as I took it, I could not help pressing the kind
hand that gave it me : nor, in truth, did this token of
my gratitude seem unwelcome.
This intimacy did not decrease with further ac-
quaintance. I found Lischen the tenderest of nurses.
Whenever any delicacy was to be provided for the
wounded lieutenant, a share was always sent to the
bed opposite his, and to the avaricious man's no small
annoyance. His illness was long. On the second day
the fever declared itself ; for some nights he was delir-
ious ; and I remember it was when a commanding offi-
cer was inspecting our quarters, with an intention , very
likely, of billeting himself on the house, that the howl-
ing and mad words of the patient overhead struck
him, and he retired rather frightened . I had been sit-
ting up very comfortably in the lower apartment, for
my hurt was quite subsided ; and it was only when the
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 129

officer asked me, with a rough voice, why I was not at

my regiment, that I began to reflect how pleasant my
quarters were to me, and that I was much better here
than crawling under an odious tent with a parcel of
tipsy soldiers, or going the night-rounds, or rising long
before day-break for drill .
The delirium of Mr. Fakenham gave me a hint,
and I determined forthwith to go mad. There was a
poor fellow about Brady's town called " Wandering
Billy," whose insane pranks I had often mimicked as a
lad, and I again put them in practice. That night I
made an attempt upon Lischen, saluting her with a
yell and a grin which frightened her almost out of her
wits ; and when any body came I was raving. The
blow on the head had disordered my brain ; the doctor
was ready to vouch for this fact. One night I whis-
pered to him that I was Julius Cæsar, and considered
him to be my affianced wife Queen Cleopatra, which
convinced him of my insanity. Indeed, if her majesty
had been like my Esculapius, she must have had a
carroty beard, such as is rare in Egypt.
A movement on the part of the French speedily
caused an advance on our part. The town was evacu-
ated, except by a few Russian troops, whose surgeons
were to visit the wounded in the place ; and, when we
were well, we were to be drafted to our regiments. I
determined that I never would join mine again. My
intention was to make for Holland, almost the only
6*
130 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

neutral country of Europe in these times, and thence to

get a passage somehow to England, and home to dear
old Brady's town.
If Mr. Fakenham is now alive (I have lost sight of
him since the year 1814, when I met him at Brixton),
I here tender him my apologies for my conduct to
him. He was very rich ; he used me very ill. I man-
aged to frighten away his servant who came to attend
him after the affair of Warburg, and from that time
would sometimes condescend to wait upon the patient,
who always treated me with scorn ; but it was my ob-
ject to have him alone, and I bore his brutality with
the utmost civility and mildness, meditating in my own
mind a very pretty return for all his favours to me.
Nor was I the only person in the house to whom the
worthy gentleman was uncivil. He ordered the fair
Lischen hither and thither, made impertinent love to
her, abused her soups, quarrelled with her omelettes ,
and grudged the money which was laid out for his
maintenance that our hostess detested him as much as,
I think, without vanity, she regarded me.
For, if the truth must be told, I had made a very
deep love to her during my stay under her roof, as is
always my way with women, of whatever age or degree
of beauty. To a man who has to make his way in the
world, these dear girls can always be useful in one
fashion or another ; never mind, if they repel your
passion, at any rate, they are not offended with your
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 131

declaration of it, and only look upon you with more

favourable eyes in consequence of your misfortune. As
for Lischen, I told her such a pathetic story of my life
(a tale a great deal more romantic than that here nar-
rated, for I did not restrict myself to the exact truth
in that history, as in these pages I am bound to do),
that I won the poor girl's heart entirely, and, besides,
made considerable progress in the German language
under her instruction. Do not think me very cruel
and heartless, ladies ; this heart of Lischen's was like
many a town in the neighbourhood in which she dwelt,
and had been stormed and occupied several times before
I came to invest it now mounting French colours,
now green and yellow Saxon, now black and white
Prussian, as the case may be. A lady who sets her
heart upon a lad in uniform must prepare to change
lovers pretty quickly, or her life will be but a sad one.
The German surgeon who attended us after the de-
parture of the English only condescended to pay our
house a visit twice during my residence ; and I took
care, for a reason I had, to receive him in a darkened
room, and much to the annoyance of Mr. Fakenham,
who lay there but I said the light affected my eyes
dreadfully since my blow on the head ; and so I
covered up my head with clothes when the doctor came,
and told him that I was an Egyptian mummy, or talked
to him some insane nonsense, in order to keep up my
character.
132 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

"What is that nonsense you were talking about an

Egyptian mummy, fellow ?" asked Mr. Fakenham, peev-
ishly.
" Oh ! you'll know soon, sir," said I.
The next time that I expected the doctor to come,
instead of receiving him in a darkened room, with
handkerchiefs muffled , I took care to be in the lower
room , and was having a game at cards with Lischen as
the surgeon entered. I had taken possession of a
dressing-jacket of the lieutenant's, and some other arti-
cles of his wardrobe, which fitted me pretty well, and, I
flatter myself, was no ungentlemanlike figure.
"Good morrow, corporal," said the doctor, rather
gruffly, in reply to my smiling salute.
66
Corporal ! Lieutenant, if you please," answered I,
giving an arch look at Lischen, whom I had not yet
instructed in my plot.
“ How lieutenant ?" asked the surgeon. " I thought
the lieutenant was ""

"Upon my word, you do me great honour," cried

I, laughing ; " you mistook me for the mad corporal
up-stairs. The fellow has once or twice pretended to be
an officer, but my kind hostess here can answer which
is which."
" Yesterday he fancied he was Prince Ferdinand ,"
said Lischen ; " the day you came he said he was an
Egyptian mummy .
"So he did," said the doctor ; " I remember ; but,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 133

ha ha ! do you know, lieutenant, I have in my notes

made a mistake in you two ?"
" Don't talk to me about his malady ; he is calm
now."
Lischen and I laughed at this error as at the most
ridiculous thing in the world ; and, when the surgeon
went up to examine his patient, I cautioned him not to
talk to him about the subject of his malady, for he was
in a very excited state.
The reader will be able to gather from the above
conversation what my design really was. I was deter-
mined to escape, and to escape under the character of
Lieutenant Fakenham, taking it from him to his face,
as it were, and making use of it to meet my imperious
necessity. It was forgery and robbery, if you like ; for
I took all his money and clothes,-I don't care to con-
fess it ; but the need was so urgent, that I would do so
again ; and I knew I could not effect my escape with-
out his purse, as well as his name. Hence it became
my duty to take possession of one and the other.
As the lieutenant lay still in bed up-stairs, I did not
hesitate at all about assuming his uniform, especially
after taking care to inform myself from the doctor
whether any men of ours who might know me were in
the town. But there were none that I could hear of;
and so I calmly took my walks with Madame Lischen,
dressed in the lieutenant's uniform, made inquiries as to
a horse that I wanted to purchase, reported myself to
184 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

the commandant of the place as Lieutenant Fakenham,

of Gale's English regiment of foot, convalescent, and
was asked to dine with the officers of the Prussian regi-
ment at a very sorry mess they had. How Fakenham
would have stormed and raged, had he known the use
I was making of his name !
Whenever that worthy used to inquire about his
clothes, which he did with many oaths and curses that
he would have me caned at the regiment for inatten-
tion, I, with a most respectful air, informed him that
they were put away in perfect safety below ; and, in
fact, had them very neatly packed, and ready for the
day when I proposed to depart. His papers and
money, however, he kept under his pillow ; and, as I
had purchased a horse, it became necessary to pay
for it.
At a certain hour, then, I ordered the animal to be
brought round, when I would pay the dealer for him.
(I shall pass over my adieus with my kind hostess,
which were very tearful indeed), and then , making up
my mind to the great action, walked up-stairs to Faken-
ham's room attired in his full regimentals, and with his
hat cocked over my left eye.
"You gweat scoundwel !" said he, with a multi-
plicity of oaths ; " you mutinous dog ! what do you
mean by dwessing yourself in my wegimentals ? As
sure as my name's Fakenham, when we get back to
the wegiment, I'll have your soul cut out of your body."
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 135

"I'm promoted lieutenant," said I, with a sneer ;

"I'm come to take my leave of you ;" and then going
up to his bed , I said , " I intend to have your papers
and purse." With this I put my hand under his pil-
low, at which he gave a scream that might have
called the whole garrison about my ears. " Hark ye.
sir !" said I, " no more noise, or you are a dead man !"
and, taking a handkerchief, I bound it tight around his
mouth so as well-nigh to throttle him, and, pulling for-
ward the sleeves of his shirt, tied them in a knot to-
gether, and so left him, removing the papers and the
purse, you may be sure, and wishing him politely a
good day.
"It is the mad corporal," said I to the people down
below who were attracted by the noise from the sick
man's chamber ; and so taking leave of the old blind
jagd-meister, and an adieu I will not say how tender of
his daughter, I mounted my newly purchased animal,
and, as I pranced away, and the sentinels presented
arms to me at the town-gates, felt once more that I
was in my proper sphere, and determined never again
to fall from the rank of a gentleman.
I took at first the way towards Bremen, where our
army was, and bringing reports and letters from the
Prussian commandant of Warburg to head-quarters ;
but, as soon as I got out of sight of the advanced sen-
tinels, I turned bridle and rode into the Hesse- Cassel
territory, which is luckily not very far from Warburg,
136 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

and I promise you I was very glad to see the blue-and-

red stripes on the barriers, which showed me that I was
out of the land occupied by our countrymen. I rode
to Hof, and the next day to Cassel, giving out that I
was the bearer of despatches to Prince Henry, then on
the Lower Rhine, and put up at the best hotel of the
place, where the field-officers of the garrison had their
ordinary. These gentlemen I treated to the best wines
that the house afforded, for I was determined to keep
up the character of the English gentleman, and I talked
to them about my English estates with a fluency that
almost made me believe in the stories which I invented.
I was even asked to an assembly at Wilhelmshöhe, the
Elector's palace, and danced a minuet there with the
Hof-marschall's lovely daughter, and lost a few pieces
to his excellency the first hunt-master of his high-
ness.
At our table at the inn there was a Prussian officer
who treated me with great civility, and asked me a
thousand questions about England, which I answered
as best I might. But this best, I am bound to say, was
bad enough. I knew nothing about England, and the
court, and the noble families there ; but, led away by
the vain-gloriousness of youth (and a propensity which
I possessed in my early days, but of which I have long
since corrected myself, to boast and talk in a manner
not altogether consonant with truth), I invented a thou-
sand stories which I told him ; described the king and
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 137

the ministers to him, said the British ambassador at

Berlin was my uncle, and promised my acquaintance a
letter of recommendation to him. When the officer
asked me my uncle's name, I was not able to give him
the real name, and so said his name was O'Grady : it
is as good a name as any other, and those of Kilbally-
owen, county Cork, are as good a family as any in the
world, as I have heard. As for stories about my regi-
ment, of these, of course, I had no lack. I wish my
other histories had been equally authentic.
On the morning I left Cassel, my Prussian friend
came to me with an open, smiling countenance, and
said he too was bound for Dusseldorf, whither I said
my route lay ; and so laying our horses' heads together,
we jogged on. The country was desclate beyond de-
scription. The prince in whose dominions we were was
known to be the most ruthless seller of men in Germa-
ny. He would sell to any bidder, and, during the five
years which the war (afterwards called the Seven Years'
War) had now lasted, had so exhausted the males of
his principality, that the fields remained untilled, even
the children of twelve years old were driven off to the
war, and I saw herds of these wretches marching for-
wards, attended by a few troopers, now under the guid-
ance of a red-coated Hanoverian sergeant, now with a
Prussian sub-officer accompanying them, with some of
whom my companion exchanged signs of recognition.
" It hurts my feelings," said he, " to be obliged to
138 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

commune with such wretches, but the stern necessities

of war demand men continually, and hence these re-
cruiters whom you see market in human flesh. They
get five-and-twenty dollars a man from our government
for every man they bring in. For fine men- -for men
like you," he added, laughing, " we would go as high
as a hundred. In the old king's time we would have
given a thousand for you, when he had his giant regi-
ment that our present monarch disbanded."
" I knew one of them," said I, " who served with
vou : we used to call him Morgan Prussia."
" Indeed ! and who was this Morgan Prussia ?
66
Why a huge grenadier of ours, who was somehow
snapped up in Hanover by some of your recruiters."
" The rascals ! " said my friend, " and did they dare
take an Englishman ? ”
" Faith this was an Irishman, and a great deal too
sharp for them, as you shall hear. Morgan was taken,
then, and drafted into the giant guard, and was the
biggest man almost among all the giants there. Many
of these monsters used to complain of their life, and
their caning, and their long drills, and their small pay,
but Morgan was not one of the grumblers. ' It's a deal
better,' said he, ' to get fat here in Berlin than to starve
in rags in Tipperary ! " "
"Where is Tipperary ? " asked my companion.
" That is exactly what Morgan's friends asked him.
It is a beautiful district in Ireland, the capital of which
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 139

is the magnificent city of Clonmel ; a city, let me tell

you, sir, only inferior to Dublin and London, and far
more sumptuous than any on the Continent. Well,
Morgan said that his birthplace was near that city, and
the only thing which caused him unhappiness, in his
present situation, was the thought that his brothers
were still starving at home, when they might be so
much better off in his majesty's service.
666
' ' Faith,' says Morgan to the sergeant, to whom he
imparted the information, ' it's my brother Bin that
would make the fine sergeant of the guards, en-
tirely !'
" Is Ben as tall as you are ? ' asked the sergeant.
" As tall as me, is it ? Why, man, I'm the short-
est of my family ! There's six more of us, but Bin's
the biggest of all . Oh ! out and out the biggest.
Seven feet in his stockin-fut, as sure as my name's
Morgan !'
" Can't we send and fetch them over, these broth-
ers of yours ? '
" 6 Not you. Ever since I was seduced by one of
you gentlemen of the cane, they've a mortal aversion
to all sergeants,' answered Morgan : but it's a pity
they cannot come, too. What a monster Bin would
be in a grenadier's cap !'
" He said nothing more at the time regarding his
brothers, but only sighed as if lamenting their hard
fate. However, the story was told by the sergeant to
140 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

the officers, and by the officers to the king himself;

and his majesty was so inflamed by curiosity, that he
actually consented to let Morgan go home in order to
bring back with him his seven enormous brothers."
" And were they as big as Morgan pretended ? "
asked my comrade. I could not help laughing at his
simplicity.
" Do you suppose,” cried I, " that Morgan ever
came back ? No, no ; once free, and he was too wise
for that. He has bought a snug farm in Tipperary
with the money that was given him to secure his
brothers, and I fancy few men of the guards ever
profited so much by it.
The Prussian captain laughed exceedingly at this
story, said that the English were the cleverest nation
in the world, and, on my setting him right, agreed that
the Irish were even more so ; and we rode on very well
pleased with each other, for he had a thousand stories
of the war to tell, and the skill and gallantry of Fred-
erick, and the thousand escapes, and victories, and de-
feats scarcely less glorious than victories, through which
the king had passed. Now that I was a gentleman, I
could listen with admiration to these tales ; and yet
the sentiment recorded at the end of the last chapter
was uppermost in my mind but three weeks back,
when I remembered that it was the great general got
the glory, and the poor soldier only insult and the
cane.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 141
"9
"By the way, to whom are you taking despatches ? "
asked the officer.
It was another ugly question which I determined
to answer at hap-hazard ; and so I said, " To General
Rolls." I had seen the general a year before, and gave
the first name in my head. My friend was quite satis-
fied with it, and we continued our ride until evening
came on ; and, our horses being weary, it was agreed
that we should come to a halt.
" There is a very good inn," said the captain, as we
rode up to what appeared to me a very lonely-looking
place.
" This may be a very good inn for Germany," said
I, " but it would not pass in old Ireland. Corbach is
only a league off : let us push on for Corbach."
" Do you want to see the loveliest woman in Eu-
rope ? " said the officer. " Ah ! you sly rogue, I see
that will influence you ; " and, truth to say, such a pro-
posal was always welcome to me, as I don't care to own .
" The people are great farmers ," said the captain , 66 as
well as inn-keepers ; " and , indeed , the place seemed
more a farm than an inn-yard . We entered by a great
gate into a court walled round , and at one end of which
was the building, a dingy, ruinous place. A couple of
covered wagons were in the court, their horses were
littered under a shed hard by , and lounging about the
place were some men , and a pair of sergeants in the
Prussian uniform , who both touched their hats to my
142 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

friend the captain . This customary formality struck

me as nothing extraordinary, but the aspect of the inn
had something exceedingly chilling and forbidding ir
it, and I observed the men shut to the great yard-gate!
as soon as we were entered. Parties of French horse-
men, the captain said, were about the country, and on
could not take too many precautions against such vil-
lains.
We went in to supper, after the two sergeants had
taken charge of our horses ; the captain, also, ordering
one of them to take my valise to my bed-room. I
promised the worthy fellow a glass of schnapps for his
pains.
A dish of fried eggs and bacon was ordered from ›
hideous old wench that came to serve us, in place of
the lovely creature I had expected to see ; and the cap
tain, laughing, said, " Well, our meal is a frugal one
but a soldier has many a times a worse ;" and, taking
off his hat, sword-belt, and gloves, with great cere-
mony, he sat down to eat. I would not be behindhand
with him in politeness, and put my weapon securely on
the old chest of drawers where his was laid
The hideous old woman before mentioned brought
us in a pot of very sour wine, at which and at her ugli-
ness I felt a considerable ill-humour.
" Where's the beauty you promised me ?” said I, as
soon as the old hag had left the room.
" Bah !" said he, laughing, and looking hard at
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 143

me : "it was my joke. I was tired, and did not care

to go farther. There's no prettier woman here than
that. If she won't suit your fancy, my friend, you must
wait awhile."
This increased my ill-humour.
"Upon my •word, sir," said I, sternly, " I think you
have acted very coolly !"
" I have acted as I think fit ?" replied the captain.
" Sir," said I, " I'm a British officer !"
"It's a lie !" roared the other, " you're a DESERTER !
" You're an impostor, sir ; I have known you for such
these three hours. I suspected you yesterday. My
men heard of a man escaping from Warburg, and I
thought you were the man . Your lies and folly have
confirmed me. You pretend to carry despatches to a
general who has been dead these ten months ; you have
an uncle who is an ambassador, and whose name, for-
sooth, you don't know. Will you join and take the
bounty, sir, or will you be given up ?"
" Neither !" said I, springing at him like a tiger.
But, agile as I was, he was equally on his guard. He
took two pistols out of his pocket , fired one off, and said,
from the other end of the table where he stood dodging
me, as it were,-
" Advance a step, and I send this bullet into your
brains !" In another minute the door was flung open,
and the two sergeants entered armed with musket and
bayonet to aid their comrade.
144 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

The game was up. I flung down a knife with which

I had armed myself, for the old hag on bringing in the
wine had removed my sword.
"I volunteer," said I.
" That's my good fellow ? What name shall I put
on my list ?"
"Write Redmond Barry of Bally Barry," said I,
haughtily ; " a descendant of the Irish kings
"I was once with the Irish brigade, Roche's,” said
the recruiter, sneering, " trying if I could get any likely
fellows among the few countrymen of ours that are in
the brigade, and there was scarcely one of them that
was not descended from the kings of Ireland."
"Sir," said I, " king or not, I am a gentleman, as
you can see."
" Oh ! you will find plenty more in our corps," an-
swered the captain, still in the sneering mood. " Give
up your papers, Mr. Gentleman, and let us see who you
really are."
As my pocket-book contained some bank-notes as
well as papers of Mr. Fakenham's, I was not willing to
give up my property, suspecting very rightly that it
was but a scheme on the part of the captain to get and
keep it.
" It can matter very little to you,” said I, " what my
private papers are : I am enlisted under the name of
Redmond Barry."
" Give it up, sirrah !" said the captain , seizing his cane.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 145

" I will not give it up !" answered I.

"Hound ! do you mutiny ?" screamed he, and, at
the same time, gave me a lash across the face with the
cane, which had the anticipated effect of producing a
struggle. I dashed forward to grapple with him, the
two sergeants flung themselves on me, I was thrown to
the ground and stunned again, being hit on my former
wound in the head. It was bleeding severely when I
came to myself, my laced coat was already torn off my
back, my purse and papers gone, and my hands tied
behind my back.
The great and illustrious Frederick had scores of
these white slave-dealers all round the frontiers of his
kingdom, debauching troops or kidnapping peasants
and hesitating at no crime to supply those brilliant
regiments of his with food for powder ; and I cannot
help telling here with some satisfaction the fate which
ultimately befell the atrocious scoundrel who, violating
all the rights of friendship and good fellowship, had
just succeeded in entrapping me. This individual was
a person of high family and known talents and cour-
age, but who had a propensity to gambling and ex-
travagance, and found his calling as a recruit-decoy far
more profitable to him than his pay of second captain
in the line. The sovereign, too, probably found his
services more useful in the former capacity. His name
was Monsieur de Galgenstein, and he was one of the
most successful of the practisers of his rascally trade.
7
146 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

He spoke all languages, and knew all countries, and

hence had no difficulty in finding out the simple brag-
gadocio of a young lad like me.
About 1765, however, he came to his justly mer-
ited end . He was at this time living at Kehl, opposite
Strasburg, and used to take his walk upon the bridge
there, and get into conversation with the French ad-
vanced sentinels, and to whom he was in the habit of
promising " mountains and marvels," as the French
say, if they would take service in Prussia. One day
there was on the bridge a superb grenadier, whom Gal-
genstein accosted, and to whom he promised a company
at least if he would enlist under Frederick.
" Ask my comrade yonder," said the grenadier,
" I can do nothing without him. We were born and
bred together, we are of the same company, sleep in the
same room, always go in pairs. If he will go and you
will give him a captaincy, I will go too ."
66
Bring your comrade over to Kehl," said Galgen-
stein, delighted, " I will give you the best of dinners,
and can promise to satisfy both of you."
" Had you not better speak to him on the bridge ?”
said the grenadier. I dare not leave my post, but you
have but to pass, and talk over the matter."
Galgenstein, after a little parley, passed the senti-
nel ; but presently a panic took him, and he retraced
his steps. But the grenadier brought his bayonet to
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 147

the Prussian's breast and bade him stand, that he was

his prisoner.
The Prussian, however, seeing his danger, made a
bound across the bridge and into the Rhine, whither,
flinging aside his musket, the intrepid sentry followed
him. The Frenchman was the better swimmer of the
two, seized upon the recruiter, and bore him to the
Strasburg side of the stream, where he gave him up.
"You deserve to be shot," said the general to him,
"for abandoning your post and arms, but you merit re-
ward for an act of courage and daring. The king pre-
fers to reward you," and the man received money and
promotion.
As for Galgenstein, he declared his quality as a no-
bleman and a captain in the Prussian service, and
applications were made to Berlin to know if his repre-
sentations were true. But the king, though he em-
ployed men of this stamp (officers to seduce the sub-
jects of his allies), could not acknowledge his own.
shame. Letters were written back from Berlin to say
that such a family existed in the kingdom, but that the
person representing himself to belong to it must be an
impostor, for every officer of the name was at his regi-
ment and his post. It was Galgenstein's death-war-
rant, and he was hanged as a spy in Strasburg.
* * * * * * . * *
" Turn him into the cart with the rest," said he, as
soon as I awoke from my trance.
148 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER VII.

THE CRIMP WAGON- MILITARY EPISODES.

THE Covered wagon to which I was ordered to march

was standing, as I have said, in the court-yard of the
farm, with another dismal vehicle of the same kind
hard by it. Each was pretty well filled with a crew of
men, whom the atrocious crimp, who had seized upon
me, had enlisted under the banners of the glorious
Frederick ; and I could see by the lanterns of the senti-
nels, as they thrust me into the straw, a dozen dark
figures huddled together in the horrible moving prison
where I was now to be confined . A scream and a
curse from my opposite neighbour showed me that he
was most likely wounded, as I myself was ; and, du-
ring the whole of the wretched night, the moans and
sobs of the poor fellows in similar captivity kept up a
continual, painful chorus, which effectually prevented
my getting any relief from my ills in sleep. At mid-
night (as far as I could judge) the horses were put to
the wagons, and the creaking, lumbering machines
were put in motion. A couple of soldiers, strongly
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 149

armed, sat on the outer bench of the cart, and their

grim faces peered in with their lanterns every now and
then through the canvass curtains, that they might
count the number of their prisoners. The brutes were
half drunk, and were singing love and war-songs, such
as O Gretchen mein Taübchen mein Herzenstrompet,
Mein Kanon mein Heerpauk und meine Musket, Prinz
Eugen der edle Ritter, and the like ; their wild whoops
and jodels making doleful discord with the groans of us
captives within the wagons. Many a time afterwards
have I heard these ditties sung on the march, or in the
barrack-room, or round the fires as we lay out at night.
I was not near so unhappy, in spite of all, as I had
been on my first enlisting in Ireland. At least, thought
I, if I am degraded to be a private soldier, there will
be no one of my acquaintance who will witness my
shame, and that is the point which I have always cared
for most. There will be no one to say, "There is
young Redmond Barry, the descendant of the Barrys,
the fashionable young blood of Dublin, pipeclaying his
belt, and carrying his brown Bess." Indeed, but for
that opinion of the world, with which it is necessary
that every man of spirit should keep upon equal terms,
I, for my part, would have always been contented with
the humblest portion . Now here, to all intents and
purposes, one was as far removed from the world as in
the wilds of Siberia, or in Robinson Crusoe's island.
And I reasoned with myself thus :-" Now you are
150 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

caught, there is no use in repining ; make the best of

your situation, and get all the pleasure you can out of
it. There are a thousand opportunities of plunder, &c.,
offered to the soldier in war-time, out of which he can
get both pleasure and profit ; make use of these, and
be happy. Besides, you are extraordinarily brave,
handsome, and clever ; and who knows but you may
procure advancement in your new service ?"
In this philosophical way I looked at my mis-
fortunes, determining not to be cast down by them ;
and bore my woes and my broken head with perfect
magnanimity. The latter was, for the moment, an
evil against which it required no small powers of en-
durance to contend ; for the jolts of the wagon were
dreadful, and every shake caused a throb in my brain
which I thought would have split my skull. As the
morning dawned, I saw that the man next me, a gaunt,
yellow-haired creature in black, had a cushion of straw
under his head.
"Are you wounded, comrade ?" said I.
" Praised be the Lord," said he, " I am sore
hurt in spirit and body, and bruised in many mem-
bers ; wounded, however, am I not. And you, poor
youth ?"
"I am wounded in the head," said I, " and I want
your pillow ; give it me-I've a clasp-knife in my
pocket !" and with this I gave him a terrible look,
meaning to say (and mean it I did, for look you,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 151

à la guerre c'est à la guerre, and I am none of your

milk-sops), that unless he yielded me the accommoda-
tion, I would give him a taste of my steel.
"I would give it thee without any threat, friend,"
said the yellow-haired man, meekly, and handed me
over his little sack of straw.
He then leaned himself back as comfortably as he
could against the cart, and began repeating, " Ein
fester Burg ist unser Gott," by which I concluded that
I had got into the company of a parson . With the
jolts of the wagon, and accidents of the journey, vari-
ous more exclamations and movements of the passen-
gers showed what a motley company we were. Every
now and then a countryman would burst into tears ; a
French voice would be heard to say, " O mon Dieu !—
mon Dieu !" a couple more of the same nation were
jabbering oaths and chatting incessantly ; and a cer-
tain allusion to his own and everybody else's eyes,
which came from a stalwart figure at the far corner,
told me that there was certainly an Englishman in our
crew.
But I was spared soon the tedium and discomforts
of the journey. In spite of the clergyman's cushion,
my head, which was throbbing with pain, was brought
abruptly in contact with the side of the wagon ; it be-
gan to bleed afresh ; I became almost light-headed . I
only recollect having a draught of water here and
there ; once stopping at a fortified town, where an
152 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

officer counted us :-all the rest of the journey was

passed in a drowsy stupor, from which , when I awoke,
I found myself lying in a hospital bed, with a nun in a
white hood watching over me.
"They are in sad spiritual darkness," said a voice.
from the bed next to me, when the nun had finished
her kind offices and retired ; " they are in the night
of error, and yet there is the light of faith in those poor
creatures."
It was my comrade of the crimp-wagon, his huge,
broad face looming out from under a white night-cap,
and ensconsed in the bed beside.
"What ! you there, Herr Pastor ?" said I.
" Only a candidate, sir," answered the white night-
cap. "But, praised be Heaven ! you have come to.
You have had a wild time of it. You have been talking
in the English language (with which I am acquainted),
of Ireland, and a young lady, and Mick, and of another
young lady, and of a house on fire, and of the British
Grenadiers, concerning whom you sung us parts of a
ballad, and of a number of other matters appertaining,
no doubt, to your personal history."
" It has been a very strange one," said I ; " and,
perhaps, there is no man in the world, of my birth,
whose misfortunes can at all be compared to mine."
I do not object to own that I am disposed to brag
of my birth and other acquirements, for I have always
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 153

found that if a man does not give himself a good word,

his friends will not do it for him.
" Well," said my fellow-patient, " I have no doubt
yours is a strange tale, and shall be glad to hear it
anon ; but, at present, you must not be permitted to
speak much, for your fever has been long, and your ex-
haustion great."
" Where are we ?" I asked ; and the candidate in
formed me that we were in the bishoprick and town of
Fulda, at present occupied by Prince Henry's troops
There had been a skirmish with an out-party of French
near the town, in which, a shot entering the wagon, the
poor candidate had been wounded .
As the reader knows already my history, I will not
take the trouble to repeat it here, or to give the addi-
tions with which I favoured my comrade in misfortune.
But I confess that I told him ours was the greatest
family and finest palace in Ireland, that we were enor-
mously wealthy, related to all the peerage, descended
from the ancient kings, &c.; and, to my surprise, in
the course of our conversation , I found that my inter-
locutor knew a great deal more about Ireland than J
did . When , for instance, I spoke of my descent,—
"From which race of kings ?" said he.
“ O !” said I (for my memory for dates was neve
very accurate), " from the old ancient kings of all."
"What ! can you trace your origin to the sons of
Japhet ?" said he.
7*
154 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Faith, I can," answered I, " and farther too,-to

Nebuchadnezzar, if you like. ”
"I see," said the candidate, siniling, " that you look
upon those legends with incredulity. These Partholans
and Nemedians, of whom your writers fondly make
mention, cannot be authentically vouched for in histo-
ry. Nor do I believe that we have any more founda-
tion for the tales concerning them, than for the legends
relative to Joseph of Arimathea and King Brute, which
prevailed two centuries back in the sister island ."
And then he began a discourse about the Phoni-
cians, the Scyths, or Goths, the Tuath de Danans, Ta-
citus, and King MacNeil, which was, to say the truth,
the very first news I had heard of those personages.
As for English, he spoke it as well as I, and had seven
more languages, he said, equally at his command ; for
on my quoting the only Latin line that I knew, that
out of the poet Homer, which says,—

" As in præsenti perfectum fumat in avi, ”

he began to speak to me in the Roman tongue ; on

which I was fain to tell him that we pronounced it in
a different way in Ireland , and so got off the conver-
sation.
My honest friend's history was a curious one, and
it may be told here in order to show of what motley
materials our levies were composed :-
66
" I am," said he, a Saxon by birth, my father be-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 155

ing pastor of the village of Pfannkuchen , where I im-

bibed the first rudiments of knowledge. At sixteen (I
am now twenty-three), having mastered the Greek and
Latin tongues, with the French, English, Arabic, and
Hebrew; and, having come into possession of a legacy
of a 100 rixdalers, a sum amply sufficient to defray my
university courses, I went to the famous academy of
Gottingen, where I devoted four years to the exact
sciences and theology. Also, I learned what worldly
accomplishments. I could cominand ; taking a dancing-
tutor at the expense of a groschen a lesson, a course of
fencing from a French practitioner, and attending lec-
tures on the great horse and the equestrian science at
the hippodrome of a celebrated cavalry professor. My
opinion is, that a man should know every thing as far
as in his power lies, that he should complete his cycle
of experience, and one science being as necessary as
another, it behoves him, according to his means, to
acquaint himself with all . For many branches of per-
sonal knowledge (as distinguished from spiritual, though
I am not prepared to say that the distinction is a cor-
rect one) , I confess I have found myself inapt. I at-
tempted tight-rope dancing, with a Bohemian artist
who appeared at our academy, but in this I failed , la
mentably breaking my nose in the fall which I had. I
also essayed to drive a coach-and-four, which an Eng-
glish student, Herr Graff Lord von Martingale, drove
at the university. In this, too, I failed ; oversetting the
156 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

chariot at the postern, opposite the Berliner gate, with

his lordship's friend , Fräulein Miss Kitty Coddlins
within. I had been instructing the young lord in the
German language when the above accident took place,
and was dismissed by him in consequence. My means
did not permit me further to pursue this curriculum
(you will pardon me the joke), otherwise, I have no
doubt, I should have been able to take a place in any
hippodrome in the world, and to handle the ribands
(as the high well-born lord used to say) to perfection.
" At the university I delivered a thesis on the quad-
rature of the circle, which, I think, would interest you ;
and held a disputation in Arabic against Professor
Strumpff, in which I was said to have the advantage.
The languages of Southern Europe, of course, I ac-
quired ; and, to a person well grounded in Sanscrit,
the Northern idioms, of course, offer no difficulty. If .
you have ever attempted the Russian you will find it
child's play, and it will always be a source of regret to
me that I have been enabled to get no knowledge (to
speak of) of Chinese ; and, but for the present dilem-
ma, I had intended to pass over into England for that
purpose, and get a passage in one of the English com-
pany's ships to Canton .
" I am not of a saving turn, hence my little fortune
of a 100 rixdalers, which has served to keep many a
prudent man for a score of years, barely sufficed for a
five years' studies ; after which my studies were inter-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 157

rupted, my pupils fell off, and I was obliged to devote

much time to shoe-binding in order to save money,
and, at a future period, resume my academic course.
During this period I contracted an attachment " (here
the candidate sighed a little) " with a person, who,
though not beautiful, and forty years of age, is yet
likely to sympathise with my existence ; and, a month
since, my kind friend and patron, university prorector,
Doctor Nasenbrumm, having informed me that the
Pfarrer of Rumpelwitz was dead, asked whether I
would like to have my name placed upon the candi-
date list, and if I were minded to preach a trial ser-
mon ? As the gaining of this living would further my
union with my Amalia, I joyously consented, and pre-
pared a discourse.
" If you like I will recite it to you- No ?—Well, I
will give you extracts from it upon our line of march.
To proceed, then, with my biographical sketch, which
is now very near a conclusion, or, as I should more cor-
rectly say, which has very nearly brought me to the
present period of time, I preached that sermon at Rum-
pelwitz, in which I hope that the Babylonian question
was pretty satisfactorily set at rest. I preached it be-
fore the Herr Baron and his noble family, and some
officers of distinction who were staying at his castle.
Mr. Doctor Moser of Halle followed me in the evening
discourse ; but, though his exercise was learned, and he
disposed of a passage of Ignatius, which he proved to
158 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

be a manifest interpolation, I do not think his sermon

had the effect which mine produced, and that the Rum-
pelwitzers much relished it. After the sermon , all the
candidates walked out of church t gether, and supped
lovingly at the Blue Stag in Rumpelwitz.
" While so occupied, a waiter came in and said that
a person without wished to speak to one of the reverend
6
candidates, the tall one.' This could only mean me,
for I was a head and shoulders higher than any other
reverend gentleman present. I issued out to see who
was the person desiring to hold converse with me, and
found a man whom I had no difficulty in recognizing
as one of the Jewish persuasion .
" Sir,' said this Hebrew, ' I have heard from a
friend, who was in your church to-day, the heads of the
admirable discourse you pronounced there. It has af-
fected me deeply, most deeply. There are only one or
two points on which I am yet in doubt, and if your
honour could but condescend to enlighten me on these,
I think I think Solomon Hirsch would be a convert
to your eloquence.'
" What are these points, my good friend ? ' said
I ; and I pointed out to him the twenty-four heads of
my sermon, asking him in which of these his doubts
lay.
" We had been walking up and down before the
inn while our conversation took place, but the windows
being open, and my comrades having heard the dis-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 159

course in the morning, requested me, rather peevishly,

not to resume it at that period . I, therefore, moved on
with my disciple, and , at his request, began at once the
sermon, for my memory is good for any thing, and I
can repeat any book I have read thrice.
" I poured out, then, under the trees, and in the
calm moonlight, that discourse which I had pronounced
under the blazing sun of noon. My Israelite only in-
terrupted me by exclamations indicative of surprise, as-
sent, admiration, and increasing conviction. ' Prodi-
gious !' said he ;—' Wunderschön !' would he remark at
the conclusion of some eloquent passage ; in a word,
he exhausted the complimentary interjections of our
language, and to compliments what man is averse ? I
think we must have walked two miles when I got to
my third head, and my companion begged I would en-
·
ter his house, which we now neared, and partake of a
glass of beer, to which I was never averse.
" That house, sir, was the inn at which you, too, if
I judge aright, were taken . No sooner was I in the
place, than three crimps rushed upon me, told me I
was a deserter, and their prisoner, and called upon me
to deliver up my money and papers, which I did with
a solemn protest as to my sacred character. They con-
sisted of my sermon in MS., Prorector Nasenbrumm's
recommendatory letter, proving my identity, and three
groschen four pfennigs in bullion . I had already been
.
in the cart twenty hours when you reached the house.
160 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

The French officer, who lay opposite you, he who

screamed when you trod on his foot, for he was
wounded, was brought in shortly before your arrival.
He had been taken with his epaulets and regimentals,
and declared his quality and rank ; but he was alone
(I believe it was some affair of love with a Hessian
lady which caused him to be unattended) ; and as the
persons into whose hands he fell will make more profit
of him as a recruit than as a prisoner, he is made to
share our fate. He is not the first by many scores so
captured. One of M. de Soubise's cooks, and three
actors out of a troop in the French camp, several de-
serters from your English troops (the men are led away
by being told that there is no flogging in the Prussian
service), and three Dutchmen were taken besides."
“ And you,” said I,—" you who were just on the
point of getting a valuable living,-you who have so
much learning, are you not indignant at the out-
rage ? "
" I am a Saxon," said the candidate, " and there is
no use in indignation. Our government is crushed un-
der Frederick's heel these five years, and I might as
well hope for mercy from the Grand Mogul. Nor am
I, in truth, discontented with my lot ; I have lived on
a penny bread for so many years, that a soldier's ra-
tions will be a luxury to me. I do not care about
more or less blows of a cane, all such evils are passing,
and therefore endurable. I will never, God willing, slay
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 161

a man in combat, but I am not unanxious to experience

on myself the effect of the war-passion , which has had
so great an influence on the human race. It was for
the same reason that I determined to marry Amalia,
for a man is not a complete mensch until he is the
father of a family, to be which is a condition of his
existenee, and therefore a duty of his education . Ama-
lia must wait ; she is out of the reach of want, being,
indeed, cook to the Frau Prorectorinn Nasenbrumin,
my worthy patron's lady. I have one or two books
with me, which no one is likely to take from me, and
one in my heart which is the best of all. If it shall
please Heaven to finish my existence here, before I can
prosecute my studies further, what cause have I to re-
pine ? I pray God I may not be mistaken, but I think
I have wronged no man, and committed no mortal sin .
If I have, I know where to look for forgiveness ; and
if I die, as I have said, without knowing all that I
would desire to learn, shall I not be in a situation
to learn every thing, and what can human soul ask
for more ?
" Pardon me for putting so many I's in my dis-
course," said the candidate, " but when a man is talk-
ing of himself, ' tis the briefest and simplest way of
talking."
In which, perhaps, though I hate egotism, I think
my friend was right. Although he acknowledges him-
self to be a mean-spirited fellow, with no more ambition
162 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

than to know the contents of a few musty books, I think

the man had some good in him, especially in the reso-
lution with which he bore his calamities. Many a gal-
lant man of the highest honour is often not proof
against these, and has been known to despair over a
bad dinner, or to be cast down at a ragged-elbowed
coat. My maxim is to bear all, to put up with water
if you cannot get burgundy, and if you have no velvet,
to be content with frieze. But burgundy and velvet
are the best, bien entendu, and the man is a fool who
will not seize the best when the scramble is open.
The heads of the sermon which my friend the the-
ologian intended to impart to me, were, however, never
told ; for, after our coming out of the hospital, he was
drafted into a regiment quartered as far as possible
from his native country, in Pomerania ; while I was
put into the Bulow regiment, of which the ordinary
head-quarters were Berlin. The Prussian regiments sel-
dom change their garrisons as ours do, for the fear of
desertion is so great, that it becomes necessary to know
the face of every individual in the service, and, in time
of peace, men live and die in the same town. This
does not add, as may be imagined, to the amusements
of the soldier's life. It is lest any young gentlemen
like myself should take a fancy to a military career,
and fancy that of a private soldier a tolerable one, that
I am giving these, I hope, moral descriptions of what
we poor fellows in the ranks really suffered.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 163

As soon as we recovered, we were dismissed from

the nuns and the hospital to the town-prison of Fulda,
where we were kept like slaves and criminals, with ar-
tillerymen with lighted matches at the doors of the
court-yards, and the huge, black dormitory where some
hundreds of us lay ; until we were despatched to our
different destinations. It was soon seen by the exer-
cise which were the old soldiers amongst us, and which
the recruits ; and for the former, while we lay in prison,
there was a little more leisure, though, if possible, a
still more strict watch kept than over the broken-spir-
ited yokels who had been forced or coaxed into the ser-
vice. To describe the characters here assembled would
require Mr. Gillray's own pencil. There were men of
all nations and callings . The Englishmen boxed and
bullied ; the Frenchmen played cards, and danced, and
fenced ; the heavy Germans smoked their pipes and
drank beer, if they could manage to purchase it. Those
who had any thing to risk gambled, and at this sport I
was pretty lucky, for, not having a penny when I en-
tered the depôt (having been robbed of every farthing
of my property by the rascally crimps) , I won near a
dollar in my very first game at cards with one of the
Frenchmen, who did not think of asking whether I
could pay or not upon losing. Such, at least, is the
advantage of having a gentlemanlike appearance ; it
has saved me many a time since by procuring me
credit when my fortunes were at their lowest ebb.
164 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Among the Frenchmen there was a splendid man

and soldier, whose real name we never knew, but whose
ultimate history created no small sensation, when it
came to be known, in the Prussian army. If beauty
and courage are proofs of nobility, as (although I have
seen some of the ugliest dogs and the greatest cowards
in the world in the noblesse) I have no doubt courage
and beauty are, this Frenchman must have been of the
highest families in France, so grand and noble was his
manner, so superb his person. He was not quite so tall
as myself, fair, while I am dark, and , if possible, rather
broader in the shoulders. He was the only man I ever
met who could master me with the small-sword, with
which he would pink me four times to my three. As
for the sabre, I could knock him to pieces with it, and
I could leap farther and carry more than he could .
This, however, is mere egotism. This Frenchman, with
whom I became pretty intimate, for we were the two
cocks, as it were, of the depôt, and neither had any
feeling of low jealousy, was called , for want of a better
name, Le Blondin, on account of his complexion. He
was not a deserter, but had come in from the Lower
Rhine and the bishoprics, as I fancy, fortune having
proved unfavourable to him at play probably, and
other means of existence being denied him. I sus-
pect that the Bastile was waiting for him in his own
country, had he taken a fancy to return thither.
He was passionately fond of play and liquor, and
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 165

thus we had a considerable sympathy together, and when

excited by one or the other, became frightful. I, for my
part, can bear, without wincing, both ill luck and wine ;
hence my advantage over him was considerable in our
bouts, and I won enough money from him to make my
position tenable. He had a wife outside (who, I take
it, was the cause of his misfortunes and separation from
his family), and she used to be admitted to see him
twice or thrice a-week, and never came empty-handed
-a little, brown, bright-eyed creature, whose ogles had
made the greatest impression upon all the world.
This man was drafted into a regiment that was quar-
tered at Neiss, in Silesia, which is only at a short dis-
tance from the Austrian frontier ; he maintained always
the same character for daring and skill, and was, in
the secret republic of the regiment which always exists,
as well as the regular military hierarchy, the acknow-
ledged leader. He was an admirable soldier, as I have
said, but haughty, dissolute, and a drunkard. A man
of this mark, unless he takes care to coax and flatter
his officers (which I always did) , is sure to fall out with
them. Le Blondin's captain was his sworn enemy, and
his punishments were frequent and severe.
His wife and the women of the regiment (this was
after the peace) used to carry on a little commerce of
smuggling across the Austrian frontier, where their
dealings were winked at by both parties ; and in obedi-
ence to the instructions of her husband, this woman,
166 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

from every one of her excursions, would bring in a lit-

tle powder and ball, commodities which are not to be
procured by the Prussian soldier, and which were
stowed away in secret till wanted . They were to be
wanted, and that soon.
Le Blondin had organized a great and extraordi-
nary conspiracy. We don't know how far it went, how
many hundreds or thousands it embraced ; but strange
were the stories told about the plot amongst us privates,
for the news was spread from garrison to garrison, and
talked of by the army in spite of all the government
efforts to hush it up-hush it up, indeed ! I have been
of the people myself, I have seen the Irish rebellion,
and I know what is the freemasonry of the poor.
He made himself the head of the plot. There were
no writings nor papers. No single one of the conspira-
tors communicated with any other but the Frenchman ;
but personally he gave his orders to them all. He had
arranged matters for a general rising of the garrison,
at twelve o'clock on a certain day ; the guard-houses in
the town were to be seized, the sentinels cut down, and
--who knows the rest ? Some of our people used to
say that the conspiracy was spread through all Silesia,
and that Le Blondin was to be made a general in the
Austrian service.
At twelve o'clock, and opposite the guard -house by
the Böhmer-Thor of Neiss, some thirty men were loung-
ing about in their undress, and the Frenchman stood near
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 167

the sentinel of the guard-house, sharpening a wood-

hatchet on a stone. At the stroke of twelve, he got up,
split open the sentinel's head with a blow of his axe,
and the thirty men rushing into the guard-house, took
possession of the arms there, and marched at once to
the gate. The sentry there tried to drop the bar, but
the Frenchman rushed up to him, and, with another
blow of the axe, cut off his right hand with which he
held the chain. Seeing the men rushing out armed,
the guard without the gate drew up across the road to
prevent their passage ; but the Frenchman's thirty gave
them a volley, charged them with the bayonet, and
brought down several, and the rest flying, the thirty
rushed on. The frontier is only a league from Neiss,

and they made rapidly towards it.

But the alarm was given in the town , and what
saved it was that the clock by which the Frenchman
went was a quarter of an hour faster than any of the
clocks in the town. The generale was beat, the troops
called to arms, and thus the men who were to have at-
tacked the other guard-houses were obliged to fall into
the ranks, and their project was defeated . This, how-
ever, likewise rendered the discovery of the conspirators
impossible, for no man could betray his comrade, nor of
course would he criminate himself.
Cavalry was sent in pursuit of the Frenchman and
his thirty fugitives, who were by this time far on their
way to the Bohemian frontier. When the horse came
168 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

up with them, they turned, received them with a vol-

ley and the bayonet, and drove them back. The Aus-
trians were out at the barriers, looking eagerly on at
the conflict. The women, who were on the look-out
too, brought more ammunition to these intrepid deserters,
and they engaged and drove back the dragoons several
times. But in these gallant and fruitless combats much
time was lost, and a battalion presently came up, and
surrounded the brave thirty, when the fate of the poor
fellows was decided. They fought with the fury of
despair ; not one of them asked for quarter. When
their ammunition failed, they fought with the steel, and
were shot down or bayonetted where they stood . The
Frenchman was the very last man who was hit. He
received a bullet in the thigh, and fell, and in this state
was overpowered, killing the officer who first advanced
to seize him.
He and the very few of his comrades who survived
were carried back to Neiss, and immediately, as the
ringleader, he was brought before a council of war.
He refused all interrogations which were made as to his
real name and family. "What matters who I am ?"
said he ; " you have me and will shoot me. My name
would not save me were it ever so famous." In the
same way he declined to make a single discovery re-
garding the plot. " It was all my doing," he said ;
" each man engaged in it only knew me, and is igno-
rant of every one of his comrades. The secret is mine
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 169

alone, and the secret shall die with me." When the
officers asked him what was the reason which induced
him to meditate a crime so horrible ? " It was your in-
fernal brutality and tyranny," he said. " You are all
butchers, ruffians, tigers, and you owe it to the coward-
ice of your men that you were not murdered long
ago."
At this his captain burst into the most furious ex-
clamations against the wounded man, and rushing up
to him, struck him a blow with his fist. But Le Blon-
din, wounded as he was, as quick as thought ,seized the
bayonet of one of the soldiers who supported him, and
plunged it into the officer's breast. "Scoundrel and
monster," said he, " I shall have the consolation of
sending you out of the world before I die." He was
shot that day. He offered to write to the king, if the
officers would agree to let his letter go sealed into the
hands of the postmaster ; but they feared, no doubt,
that something might be said to inculpate themselves,
and refused him the permission. At the next review
Frederick treated them, it is said, with great severity,
and rebuked them for not having granted the French-
man his request. However, it was the king's interest
to conceal the matter, and so it was, as I have said be-
fore, hushed up-so well hushed up, that a hundred
thousand soldiers in the army knew it, and many's the
one of us that has drunk to the Frenchman's memory
over our wine, as a martyr for the cause of the soldier.
8
 170 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

I shall have, doubtless, some readers who will cry out at

this that I am encouraging insubordination and advo-
cating murder. If these men had served as privates in
the Prussian army from 1760 to 1765 , they would not
be so apt to take objection. This man destroyed two
sentinels to get his liberty ; how many hundreds of
thousands of his own and the Austrian people did King
Frederick kill because he took a fancy to Silesia ? How
many men, in later days, did Napoleon Buonaparte
cause to die by shot or steel, or cold or hunger, because
he wished to make himself master of Russia ? It was
the cursed tyranny of the system that sharpened the
axe which brained the two sentinels of Neiss ; and so
let officers take warning, and think twice ere they visit
poor fellows with the cane.
I could tell many more stories about the army, but
as, from having been a soldier myself, all my sympa-
thies are in the ranks, no doubt my tales would be pro-
nounced to be of an immoral tendency, and I had best,
therefore, be brief. Fancy my surprise while in this
depôt, when one day a well-known voice saluted my
ear, and I heard a meagre young gentleman, who was
brought in by a couple of troopers and received a few
cuts across the shoulders from one of them, say in the
best English, " You infernal wascal, I'll be wevenged
for this. I'll wite to my ambassador, as sure as my
name's Fakenham of Fakenham." I burst out laugh-
ing at this, it was my old acquaintance in my corporal's
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 171

coat. Lischen had sworn stoutly that he was really

and truly the private, and the poor fellow had been
drafted off, and was to be made one of us. But I bear
no malice, and having made the whole room roar with
the story of the way in which I had tricked the poor
lad, I gave him a piece of advice, which procured him
his liberty. " Go to the inspecting officer," said I ; " if
they once get you into Prussia it is all over with you,
and they will never give you up. Go now to the com-
mandant of the depôt, promise him a hundred-five
hundred guineas to set you free ; say that the crimping
captain has your papers and portfolio (this was true) ;
above all, show him that you have the means of paying
him the promised money, and I will warrant you are
set free." He did as I advised, and when we were put
on the march Mr. Fakenham found means to be allowed
to go into hospital, and while in hospital the matter
was arranged as I had recommended. He had nearly,
however, missed his freedom by his own stinginess in
bargaining for it, and never showed the least gratitude
towards me, his benefactor.
I am not going to give any romantic narrative of
the Seven Years' War. At the close of it, the Prussian
army, so renowned for its disciplined valour, was offi-
cered and under-officered by native Prussians, it is true,
but was composed for the most part of men hired or
stolen like myself from almost every nation in Europe.
The deserting to and fro was prodigious. My regiment
172 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

(Bulow's) alone before the war here, had been no less

than 600 Frenchmen, and as they marched out of Ber-
lin for the campaign, one of the fellows had an old
fiddle, on which he was playing a French tune, and his
comrades danced almost, rather than walked, after him,
singing, " Nous allons en France." Two years after,
when they returned to Berlin, there were only six of
these men left, the rest had fled or were killed in ac-
tion. The life the private soldier led was a frightful
one to any but men of iron courage and endurance.
There was a corporal to every three men, marching be-
hind them and pitilessly using the cane ; so much so that
it used to be said that in action there was a front rank
of privates and a second rank of sergeants and corpo
rals to drive them on. Many men would give way to
the most frightful acts of despair under these incessant
persecutions and tortures, and amongst several regi-
ments of the army a horrible practice had sprung up,
which for some time caused the greatest alarm to the
government. This was a strange frightful custom of
child-murder. The men used to say that life was un-
bearable, that suicide was a crime, in order to avert
which, and to finish with the intolerable misery of their
position, the best plan was to kill a young child, which
was innocent, and therefore secure of heaven, and then
to deliver themselves as guilty of the murder. The
king himself, the hero, sage, and philosopher, the prince
who had always liberality on his lips, and who affected
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 173

a horror of capital punishments, was frightened at this

dreadful protest on the part of the wretches whom he
had kidnapped , against his monstrous tyranny, and his
only means of remedying the evil was strictly to forbid
that such criminals should be attended by any ecclesi-
astic whatever, and denied all religious consolation.
The punishment was incessant. Every officer had
the liberty to inflict it, and in peace it was more cruel
than in war. For when peace came the king turned
adrift such of his officers as were not noble, whatever
their services might have been. He would call a cap-
tain to the front of his company , and say, " He is not
noble, let him go." We were afraid of him somehow,
and were cowed before him like wild beasts before their
keeper. I have seen the bravest men of the army cry
like children at a cut of the cane ; I have seen a little
ensign of fifteen call out a man of fifty from the ranks,
a man who had been in a hundred battles, and he has
stood presenting arms and sobbing and howling like a
baby while the young wretch lashed him over the arms
and thighs with the stick. In a day of action this man
would dare any thing. A button might be awry then
and nobody touched him ; but when they had made
the brute fight then they lashed him again into subor-
dination. Almost all of us yielded to the spell - scarce
one could break it. The French officer I have spoken
of as taken along with me, was in my company and
caned like a dog. I met him at Versailles twenty
174 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

years afterwards, and he turned quite pale and sick

when I spoke to him of old days. " For God's sake,"
said he, " don't talk of that time ; I wake up from my
sleep trembling and crying even now."
As for me, after a very brief time, in which it must
be confessed I tasted , like my comrades, of the cane,
and after I had found opportunities to show myself to
be a brave and dexterous soldier, I took the means I
had adopted in the English army to prevent any fur-
ther personal degradation. I wore a bullet around my
neck, which I did not take the pains to conceal, and I
gave out that it should be for the man or officer who
caused me to be chastised . And there was something
in my character which made my superiors believe me,
for that bullet has already served me to kill an Austrian
colonel, and I would have given it to a Prussian with
as little remorse . For what cared I for their quarrels,
or whether the eagle under which I marched had one
head or two ? All I said was, " No man shall find me
tripping in my duty ; but no man shall ever lay a hand
upon me." And by this maxim I abided as long as I
remained in the service.
I do not intend to make a history of battles in the
Prussian any more than in the English service. I did
my duty in them as well as another, and by the time
that my moustache had grown to a decent length,
which it did when I was twenty years of age, there
was not a braver, cleverer, handsomer, and, I must own ,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 175

wickeder soldier in the Prussian army. I had formed

myself to the condition of the proper fighting beast ;
on a day of action I was savage and happy ; out of the
field I took all the pleasure I could get, and was by no
means delicate as to its quality or the manner of pro-
curing it. The truth is, however, that there was among
our men a much higher tone of society than among
the clumsy louts in the English army, and our service
was generally so strict that we had little time for doing
mischief. I am very dark and swarthy in complexion,
and was called by our fellows the " Black Englander,"
the " Schwartzer Englander," or the English devil. If
any service was to be done I was sure to be put upon
it. I got frequent gratifications of money, but no pro-
motion ; and it was on the day after I had killed the
Austrian colonel (a great officer of Uhlans, whom I en-
gaged singly and on foot) that General Bulow, my
colonel, gave me two Frederics d'or in front of the regi-
ment, and said, " I reward thee now, but I fear I shall
have to hang thee one day or other." I spent the
money, and that I had taken from the colonel's body,
every groschen, that night with some jovial companions ;
but as long as war lasted was never without a dollar in
my purse.
176 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER VIII.

BARRY LEADS A GARRISON LIFE, AND FINDS MANY

FRIENDS THERE.

AFTER the war, our regiment was garrisoned in the

capital, the least dull , perhaps, of all the towns of Prus-
sia ; but that does not say much for its gaiety. Our
service, which was always severe, still left many hours
of the day disengaged, in which we might take our
pleasure had we the means of paying for the same.
Many of our mess got leave to work in trades, but I
had been brought up to none, and besides my honour
forbade me, for as a gentleman I could not soil my fin-
gers by a manual occupation. But as our pay was
barely enough to keep us from starving, and as I have
always been fond of pleasure, and as the position in
which we now were, in the midst of the capital, pre-
vented us from resorting to those means of levying con-
tributions which are always pretty feasible in war-time,
I was obliged to adopt the only means left me of pro-
viding for my expenses, and, in a word, became the
Ordonnanz, or confidential military gentleman of my
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 177

captain. I spurned the office for years previously,

when it was made to me in the English service ; but
the position is very different in a foreign country, be-
sides, to tell the truth, after five years in the ranks a
man's pride will submit to many rebuffs which would
be intolerable to him in an independent condition .
The captain was a young man and had distinguish-
ed himself during the war, or he would never have been
advanced to rank so early. He was, moreover, the ne-
phew and heir of the Minister of Police, Monsieur de
Potzdorff, a relationship which, no doubt, aided in the
younger gentleman's promotion. Captain de Potzdorff
was a severe officer enough on parade or in barracks,
but he was a person easily led by flattery. I won his
heart in the first place by my manner of tying my hair
in queue (indeed it was more neatly dressed than that
of any man in the regiment), and subsequently gained
his confidence by a thousand little arts and compli-
ments, which as a gentleman myself, I knew how to
employ. He was a man of pleasure, which he pursued
more openly than most men in the stern court of the
king ; he was generous and careless with his purse, and
he had a great affection for Rhine wine, in all which
qualities I sincerely sympathised with him, and from
which I, of course, had my profit. He was disliked in
the regiment because he was supposed to have too inti-
mate relations with his uncle, the police minister, to
whom , it was hinted, he carried the news of the corps.
8*
178 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Before long I had ingratiated myself considerably

with my officer, and knew most of his affairs. Thus I
was relieved from many drills and parades which would
otherwise have fallen to my lot, and came in for a num-
ber of perquisites which enabled me to support a gen-
teel figure and to appear with some éclat in a certain,
though it must be confessed very humble, society in
Berlin. Among the ladies I was always an especial
favourite, and so polished was my behaviour amongst
them that they could not understand how I should
have obtained my frightful nickname of the Black
Devil in the regiment . " He is not so black as he is
painted," I laughingly would say, and most of the la-
dies agreed that the private was quite as well-bred as
the captain, as indeed how should it be otherwise, con-
sidering my education and birth ?
When I was sufficiently ingratiated with him, I
asked leave to address a letter to my poor mother in
Ireland, to whom I had not given any news of myself
for many, many years, for the letters of the foreign
soldiers were never admitted to the post for fear of ap-
peals or disturbances on the part of their parents abroad.
My captain agreed to find means to forward the letter,
and as I knew that he would open it, I took care to
give it him sealed, thus showing my confidence in him.
But the letter was, as you may imagine, written so that
the writer should come to no harm were it intercepted.
I begged my honoured mother's forgiveness for having
1
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 179

fled from her. I said that my extravagance and folly

in my own country I knew rendered my return thither
impossible ; but that she would, at least, be glad to
know that I was well and happy in the service of the
greatest monarch in the world, and that the soldier's
life was most agreeable to me. And, I added, that I
had found a kind protector and patron who I hoped
would some day provide for me as I knew it was out
of her power to do. I offered remembrances to all the
girls at Castle Brady, naming them from Biddy to
Becky downwards, and signed myself, as in truth I was,
her affectionate son, Redmond Barry, in Captain Potz-
dorff's company of the Bulowish regiment of foot in
garrison at Berlin. Also I told her a pleasant story about
the king kicking the chancellor and three judges down-
stairs, as he had done one day when I was on guard at
Potsdam, and said I hoped for another war soon when
I might rise to be an officer. In fact, you might have
imagined my letter to be that of the happiest fellow in
the world, and I was not on this head at all sorry to
mislead my kind parent.
I was sure my letter was read, for Captain Potz-
dorff began asking me some days afterwards about my
family, and I told him the circumstances pretty truly,
all things considered.
I was a cadet of a good family,
but my mother was almost ruined and had barely
enough to support her eight daughters, whom I
named. I had been to study for the law at Dublin,
180 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

where I had got into debt and bad company, had kill-
ed a man in a duel, and would be hanged or imprisoned
by his powerful friends if I returned. I had enlisted in
the English service, where an opportunity for escape
presented itself to me such as I could not resist, and
hereupon I told the story of Mr. Fakenham of Faken-
ham in such a way as made my patron to be convulsed
with laughter, and he told me afterwards that he had
repeated the story at Madame de Kameke's evening
assembly, where all the world was anxious to have a
sight of the young Englander.
"Was the Brisish ambassador there ?" I asked, in a
tone of the greatest alarm, and added, " For Heaven's
sake, sir, do not tell my name to him, or he might ask to
have me delivered up, and I have no fancy to go to be
hanged in my dear native country." Potzdorff, laugh-
ing, said he would take care that I should remain where
I was, on which I swore eternal gratitude to him.
Some days afterwards, and with rather a grave face,
he said to me, " Redmond, I have been talking to our
colonel about you, and as I wondered that a fellow of
your courage and talents had not been advanced during
the war, the general said they had had their eye upon
you ; that you were a gallant soldier, and had evidently
come of a good stock ; that no man in the regiment
had had less fault found with him ; but that no man
merited promotion less. You were idle, dissolute, and
unprincipled ; you had done a deal of harm to the
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 181

men ; and, for all your talents and bravery, he was

sure would come to no good."
" Sir !" said I, quite astonished that any mortal
man should have formed such an opinion of me, “ I
hope General Bulow is mistaken regarding my charac-
ter. I have fallen into bad company, it is true ; but I
have only done as other soldiers have done ; and, above
all, I have never had a kind friend and protector be-
fore to whom I might show that I was worthy of better
things. The general may say I am a ruined lad, and
send me to the d-1 ; but be sure of this, I would go
to the d- to serve you." This speech I saw pleased
my patron very much ; and, as I was very discreet and
useful in a thousand delicate ways to him, he soon
came to have a sincere attachment for me. One day,
or rather night, when he was tête-à-tête with the lady
of the Geheimar-Tabaks Rath von Dose for instance,
I .... but there is no use in telling affairs which con-
cern nobody now.
Four months after my letter to my mother, I got,
under cover to the captain, a reply, which created in
my mind a yearning after home, and a melancholy
which I cannot describe. I had not seen the dear
soul's writing for five years. All the old days, and the
fresh happy sunshine of the old green fields in Ireland,
and her love, and my uncle, and Phil Purcel, and every
thing that I had done and thought, came back to me
as I read the letter ; and when I was alone I cried over
182 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

it, as I hadn't done since the day when Norah jilted me.
I took care not to show my feelings to the regiment or
my captain ; but that night, when I was to have taken
tea at the garden-house outside Brandenburg Gate,
with Fräulein Lottchen (the Tabaks Räthinn's gentle-
woman of company) , I somehow had not the courage
to go ; but begged to be excused, and went early to
bed in barracks, out of which I went and came now al-
most as I willed, and passed a long night weeping and
thinking about dear Ireland.
Next day, my spirits rose again, and I got a ten-
guinea bill cashed, which my mother sent in the letter,
and gave a handsome treat to some of my acquaint-
ance. The poor soul's letter was blotted all over with
tears, full of texts, and written in the wildest incoherent
way. She said she was delighted to think I was un-
der a Protestant prince, though she feared he was not
in the right way : that right way, she said, she had the
blessing to find, under the guidance of the Rev. Joshua
Jowls, whom she sat under. She said he was a pre-
cious, chosen vessel ; a sweet ointment, and precious
box of spikenard ; and made use of a great number
more phrases that I could not understand ; but one
thing was clear in the midst of all this jargon, that the
good soul loved her son still, and thought and prayed
day and night for her wild Redmond . Has it not
come across many a poor fellow, in a solitary night's
watch, or in sorrow, sickness, or captivity, that at that
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 183

very minute, most likely, his mother is praying for

him ? I often have had these thoughts ; but they are
none of the gayest, and it's quite as well that they
don't come to you in company ; for where would be a
set of jolly fellows then ?-as mute as undertakers at a
funeral, I promise you. I drank my mother's health
that night in a bumper, and lived like a gentleman
whilst the money lasted. She pinched herself to give
it me, as she told me afterwards ; and Mr. Jowls was
very wroth with her.
Although the good soul's money was pretty quickly
spent, I was not long in getting more ; for I had a hun-
dred ways of getting it, and became a universal favour-
ite with the captain and his friends . Now, it was
Madame von Dose who gave me a Frederic d'or for
bringing her a bouquet or a letter from the captain ; *
now it was, on the contrary, the old privy councillor
who treated me with a bottle of Rhenish, and slipped
into my hand a dollar or two, in order that I might
give him some information regarding the liaison be-
tween my captain and his lady. But though I was not
such a fool as not to take his money, you may be sure
I was not dishonourable enough to betray my benefac-

In the original MS. the words " my master " have often been
written, but afterwards expunged, by Mr. Barry, and “ my
captain " written in their stead. If we have allowed the pas-
sage which describes his occupation under Monsieur de Potz-
dorff to remain, it is not, we beseech the reader to suppose, be-
cause we admire the autobiographer's principles or professions.
184 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

tor ; and he got very little out of me. When the cap-

tain and the lady fell out, and he began to pay his ad-
dresses to the rich daughter of the Dutch minister
Fraulein, I don't know how many more letters and
guineas the unfortunate Tabaks Räthinn handed over
to me, that I might get her lover back again. But such
returns are rare in love, and the captain used only to
laugh at her stale sighs and entreaties. In the house.
of Mynheer Van Guldensack I made myself so pleasant
to high and low, that I came to be quite intimate there ;
and got the knowledge of a state secret or two which
surprised and pleased my captain very much. These
little hints he carried to his uncle, the minister of police,
who, no doubt, made his advantage of them ; and thus
I began to be received quite in a confidential light by
the Potzdorff family, and became a mere nominal sol-
dier, being allowed to appear in plain clothes (which
were, I warrant you, of a neat fashion), and to enjoy
myself in a hundred ways, which the poor fellows, my
comrades, envied. As for the sergeants, they were as
civil to me as to an officer ; it was as much as their
stripes were worth to offend a person who had the ear
of the minister's nephew. There was in my company a
young fellow by the name of Kurz, who was six feet
high in spite of his name, and whose life I had saved in
some affair of the war. What does this lad do, after I
had recounted to him one of my adventures, but call
me a spy and informer, and beg me not to call him du
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 185

any more, as is the fashion with young men when they

are very intimate. I had nothing for it but to call him
out ; but I owed him no grudge. I disarmed him in a
twinkling ; and, as I sent his sword flying over his
head, said to him, " Kurz, did ever you know a man
guilty of a mean action who can do as I do now?"
This silenced the rest of the grumblers ; and no man
ever sneered at me after that.
No man can suppose, that to a person of my fash-
ion, the waiting in antechambers, the conversation of
footmen and hangers-on, was pleasant. But it was not
more degrading than the barrack-room, of which I need
not say I was heartily sick. My protestations of liking
for the army were all intended to throw dust into the
eyes of my employer. I sighed to be out of slavery. I
knew I was born to make a figure in the world . Had
I been one of the Neiss garrison, I would have cut my
way to freedom by the side of the gallant Frenchman ;
but here I had only artifice to enable me to attain my
end, and was not I justified in employing it ? My plan
was this : I may make myself so necessary to M. de
Potzdorff, that he will obtain my freedom. Once free,
with my fine person and good family, I will do what
en thousand Irish gentlemen have done before, and will
marry a lady of fortune and condition. And the proof
that I was, if not disinterested, at least actuated by a
noble ambition, is this. There was a fat grocer's widow
in Berlin with six hundred thalers of rent, and a good
186 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

business, who gave me to understand that she would

purchase my discharge if I would marry her ; but I
frankly told her that I was not made to be a grocer,
and thus absolutely flung away a chance of freedom
which she offered me.
And I was grateful to my employers, more grateful
than they to me. The captain was in debt, and had
dealings with the Jews, to whom he gave notes of hand
payable on his uncle's death. The old Herr von Potz-
dorff, seeing the confidence his nephew had in me, offered
to bribe me to know what the young man's affairs
really were. But what did I do ? I informed Monsieur
George von Potzdorff of the fact ; and we made out,
in concert, a list of little debts, so moderate, that they
actually appeased the old uncle instead of irritating, and
he paid them, being glad to get off so cheap.
And a pretty return I got for this fidelity. One
morning, the old gentleman, being closeted with his
nephew (he used to come to get any news stirring as to
what the young officers of the regiments were doing ;
whether this or that gambled ; who intrigued, and with
whom ; who was at the Ridotto on such a night ; who
was in debt, and what not ; for the king liked to know
the business of every officer in his army) , I was sent
with a letter to the Marquis d'Argens (that afterwards
married Mademoiselle Cochois, the actress), and, meet-
ing the marquis at a few paces off in the street, gave
my message, and returned to the captain's lodging. He
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 187

and his worthy uncle were making my unworthy self

the subject of conversation .
" He is noble," said the captain.
" Bah !" replied the uncle (whom I could have
throttled for his insolence). " All the beggarly Irish
who ever enlisted tell the same story."
"He was kidnapped by Galgenstein," resumed the
other.
"A kidnapped deserter," said M. Potzdorf, " la belle
affaire !"
" Well, I promised the lad I would ask for his
discharge ; and I am sure you can make him use-
ful."
" You have asked his discharge," answered the elder,
laughing. "Bon Dieu ! You are a model of probity !
You'll never succeed to my place, George, if you are no
wiser than you are just now. Make the fellow as useful
to you as you please. He has a good manner and a
frank countenance. He can lie with an assurance that
I never saw surpassed, and fight, you say, on a pinch.
The scoundrel does not want for good qualities ; but he
is vain, a spendthrift, and a bavard. As long as you have
the regiment in terrorem over him, you can do as you like
with him. Once let him loose, and the lad is likely to
give you the slip. Keep on promising him ; promise to
make him a general, if you like. What the deuce do
I care ? There are spies enough to be had in this town
without him."
188 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

It was thus that the services I rendered to M. Potz-

dorff were qualified by that ungrateful old gentleman ;

and I stole away from the room extremely troubled in
spirit, to think that another of my fond dreams was
thus dispelled ; and that my hopes of getting out of the
army, by being useful to the captain, were entirely vain.
For some time, my despair was such , that I thought of
marrying the widow ; but the marriages of privates are
never allowed without the direct permission of the king ;
and it was a matter of very great doubt whether his
majesty would allow a young fellow of twenty-two, the
handsomest man of his army, to be coupled to a pim-
ple-faced old widow of sixty, who was quite beyond the
age when her marriage would be likely to multiply the
subjects of his majesty. This hope of liberty was there-
fore vain ; nor could I hope to purchase my discharge,
unless any charitable soul would lend me a large sum
of money ; for, though I made a good deal, as I have
said, yet I have always had through life an incorrigible
knack of spending, and (such is my generosity of disposi-
tion) have been in debt ever since I was born.
My captain, the sly rascal ! gave me a very different
version of his conversation with his uncle to that which
I knew to be the true one ; and said smilingly to me,
66
Redmond, I have spoken to the minister regarding
thy services, and thy fortune is inade. We shall get
The service about which Mr. Barry here speaks has, and
we suspect purposely, been described by him in very dubious
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 189

thee out of the army, appoint thee to the police bureau ,

and procure for thee an inspectorship of customs ; and,
in fine, allow thee to move in a better sphere than that
in which Fortune has hitherto placed thee."
Although I did not believe a word of this speech,
I affected to be very much moved by it, and, of course,
swore eternal gratitude to the captain for his kindness
to the poor Irish castaway.
" Your service at the Dutch minister's has pleased
me very well. There is another occasion on which you
may make yourself useful to us ; and if you succeed,
depend on it your reward will be secure."
"What is the service, sir ? " said I ; " I will do any
thing for so kind a master."
" There is lately come to Berlin," said the captain,
" a gentleman in the service of the Empress Queen,
who calls himself the Chevalier de Balibari, and wears
the red riband and star of the pope's order of the spur.

terms. It is most probable that he was employed to wait at

the tables of strangers in Berlin, and to bring to the police
minister any news concerning them which might at all interest
the government. The great Frederic never received a guest
without taking these hospitable precautions ; and as for the
duels which Mr. Barry fights, may we be allowed to hint a
doubt as to a great number of these combats ? It will be ob-
served, in one or two other parts of his Memoirs, that when-
ever he is at an awkward pass, or does what the world does
not usually consider respectable, a duel, in which he is victori-
ous, is sure to ensue ; from which he argues that he is a man of
undoubted honour.
190 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

He speaks Italian or French indifferently ; but we have

some reason to fancy this Monsieur de Balibari is a
native of your country of Ireland. Did you ever hear
such a name as Balibari in Ireland ? "
" Balibari ! Ballyb ** ? " A sudden thought flash-
ed across me. " No, sir," said I, 66 never heard the
name."
"You must go into his service. Of course, you will
not know a word of English ; and if the chevalier asks
as to the particularity of your accent, say you are a
Hungarian. The servant who came with him will be
turned away to-day, and the person to whom he has
applied for a faithful fellow will recommend you. You
are a Hungarian ; you served in the seven years' war.
You left the army on account of weakness of the loins.
You served Monsieur de Quellenberg two years ; he is
now with the army in Silesia, but there is your certifi-
cate signed by him . You afterwards lived with Doctor
Mopsius, who will give you a character, if need be ;
and the landlord of the Star will, of course, certify that
you are an honest fellow ; but his certificate goes for
nothing. As for the rest of your story, you can fashion -
that as you will, and make it as romantic or as ludicrous
as your fancy dictates. Try, however, to win the chev-
alier's confidence by provoking his compassion. He
gambles a great deal, and wins. Do you know the
cards well ? "
"Only a very little, as soldiers do."
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 191

" I had thought you more expert. You must find

out if the chevalier cheats ; if he does, we have him.
He sees the English and Austrian envoys continually,
and the young men of either ministry sup repeatedly
at his house. Find out what they talk of ; for how
much each plays, especially if any of them play on
parole.If you once read his private letters, of course
you will ; though about those which go to the post, you
need not trouble yourself, we look at them there. But
never see him write a note without finding out to whom
it goes, and by what channel or messenger. He sleeps
with the keys of his despatch-box with a string round
his neck. Twenty Frederics, if you get an impression
of the keys. You will, of course, go in plain clothes.
You had best brush the powder out of your hair, and
tie it with a riband simply ; your moustache you must
of course shave off."
With these instructions, and a very small gratuity,
the captain left me. When I again saw him, he was
amused at the change in my appearance . I had not
without a pang (for they were as black as jet, and curl-
ed elegantly) shaved off my moustache ; had removed
the odious grease and flower, which I always abomi-
nated, out of my hair ; had mounted a demure French
grey coat, black satin breeches, and a maroon plush
waistcoat, and a hat without a cockade. I looked as
meek and humble as any servant out of place could
possibly appear ; and I think not my own regiment,
192 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

which was now at the review at Potsdam, would have

known me. Thus accoutred, I went to the Star Hotel,
where this stranger was, —my heart beating with anxi-
ety, and something telling me that this Chevalier de
Balibari was no other than Barry, of Ballybarry, my
father's eldest brother, who had given up his estate in
consequence of his obstinate adherence to the Romish
superstition. Before I went in to present myself, I
went to look in the remises at his carriage. Had he the
Barry arms ? Yes, there they were, argent, a bend
gules, with four escallops of the field, the ancient coat
of my house. They were painted in a shield about as
big as my hat, on a smart chariot handsomely gilded,
surmounted with a coronet, and supported by eight or
nine cupids, cornucopias, and flower-baskets, according
to the queer heraldic fashion of those days. It must
be he ! I felt quite faint as I went up the stairs. I
was going to present myself before my uncle in the
character of a servant !
" You are the young man whom M. de Seebach
recommended ? "
I bowed, and handed him a letter from that gentle-
man, with which my captain had taken care to provide
me. As he looked at it, I had leisure to examine him.
My uncle was a man of sixty years of age, dressed su-
perbly in a coat and breeches of apricot- coloured velvet,
a white satin waistcoat embroidered with gold like the
coat. Across his breast went the purple riband of his
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 193

order of the spur ; and the star of the order, an enor-

mous one, sparkled on his breast. He had rings on all
his fingers, a couple of watches in his fobs, a rich dia-
mond solitaire in the black riband round his neck, and
fastened to the bag of his wig ; his ruffles and frills
were decorated with a profusion of the richest lace.
He had pink silk stockings rolled over the knee, and
tied with gold garters ; and enormous diamond buckles
to his red-heeled shoes. A sword mounted in gold,
and with a white fish-skin scabbard ; and a hat richly
laced, and lined with white feathers, which were lying
on a table beside him, completed the costume of this
splendid gentleman . In height he was about my size,
that is, six feet and half an inch ; his cast of features
singularly like mine, and extremely distingué. One of
his eyes was closed with a black patch, however ; he
wore a little white and red paint, by no means an un-
usual ornament in those days ; and a pair of musta-
chios, which fell over his lip, and hid a mouth that I
afterwards found had rather a disagreeable expression.
When his beard was removed, the upper teeth appeared
to project very much ; and his countenance wore a
ghastly fixed smile, by no means pleasant.
It was very imprudent of me ; but when I saw the
splendour of his appearance, the nobleness of his man-
ner, I felt it impossible to keep disguise with him ; and
when he said, " Ah, you are a Hungarian I see ! " I
could hold no longer.
9
194 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" Sir," said I, " I am an Irishman, and my name is

Redmond Barry, of Ballybarry." As I spoke, I burst
into tears ; I can't tell why ; but I had seen none of
my kith or kin for six years, and my heart longed for
some one.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 195

CHAPTER IX.

BARRY BIDS ADIEU TO THE MILITARY PROFESSION.

You who have never been out of your country, know

little what it is to hear a friendly voice in captivity ;
and there's many a man that will not understand the
cause of the burst of feeling which I have confessed
took place on my seeing my uncle. He never for a
minute thought to question the truth of what I said.
"Mother of God ! " cried he, "it's my brother Harry's
son." And I think in my heart he was as much affect-
ed as I was at thus suddenly finding one of his kindred ;
for he, too, was an exile from home, and a friendly voice,
a look, brought the old country back to his memory
again, and the old days of his boyhood. " I'd give five
years of my life to see them again," said he, after ca-
ressing me very warmly. " What ? " asked I. " Why,"
replied he, " the green fields, and the river, and the old
round tower, and the burying-place at Ballybarry.
'Twas a shame for your father to part with the land,
Redmond, that went so long with the name."
He then began to ask me concerning myself, and I
gave him my history at some length ; at which the
196 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

worthy gentleman laughed many times, saying, that I

was a Barry all over. In the middle of my story he
would stop me, to make me stand back to back, and
measure with him (by which I ascertained that our
heights were the same, and that my uncle had a stiff
knee, moreover, which made him walk in a peculiar
way), and uttered, during the course of the narrative, a
hundred exclamations of pity, and kindness , and sym-
pathy. It was 66'Holy saints !" and " Mother of
Heaven !" and " Blessed Mary !" continually, by
which, and with justice, I concluded that he was
still devotedly attached to the ancient faith of our
family.
It was with some difficulty that I came to explain
to him the last part of my history, viz., that I was put
into his service as a watch upon his actions, of which I
was to give information in a certain quarter. When I
told him (with a great deal of hesitation ) of this fact,
he burst out laughing, and enjoyed the joke amazingly.
" The rascals !" said he ; " they think to catch me, do
they ? Why, Redmond, my chief conspiracy is a faro-
bank. But the king is so jealous, that he will see a
spy in every person who comes to his miserable capital
in the great sandy desert here. Ah, my boy, I must
show you Paris and Vienna !"
I said, there was nothing I longed for more than to
see any city but Berlin, and should be delighted to be
free of the odious military service. Indeed, I thought,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 197

from his splendor of appearance, the knick-knacks

about the room, the gilded carriage in the remise, that
my uncle was a man of vast property ; and that he
would purchase a dozen, nay, a whole regiment of
substitutes, in order to restore me to freedom.
But I was mistaken in my calculations regarding
him, as his history of himself speedily showed me. " I
have been beaten about the world," said he, 66 ever
since the year 1742, when my brother, your father, and
Heaven forgive him, cut my family estate from under
my heels, by turning heretic, in order to marry that
scold of a mother of yours. Well, let by-gones be by-
gones. 'Tis probable that I should have run through
the little property as he did in my place, and I should
have had to begin a year or two later the life I have
been leading ever since I was compelled to leave Ire-
land. My lad, I have been in every service ; and, be-
tween ourselves, owe money in every capital in Europe.
I made a campaign or two with the Pandours under
Austrian Trenck. I was captain in the Guard of His
Holiness the Pope. I made the campaign of Scotland
with the Prince of Wales- a bad fellow, my dear,
caring more for his mistress and his brandy-bottle than
for the crowns of the three kingdoms. I have served in
Spain and in Piedmont ; but I have been a rolling
stone, my good fellow. Play-play has been my ruin !
that and beauty (here he gave a leer which made him,
I must confess, look any thing but handsome ; besides,
198 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

his rouged cheeks were all beslobbered with the tears

which he had shed on receiving me). The women
have made a fool of me, my dear Redmond . I am a
soft-hearted creature, and this minute, at sixty-two, have
no more command of myself than when Peggy O'Dwyer
made a fool of me at sixteen."
" Faith sir," says I, laughing, " I think it runs in
the family !" and described to him, much to his amuse-
ment, my romantic passion for my cousin, Nora Brady.
He resumed his narrative.
" The cards now are my only livelihood. Some-
times I am in luck, and then I lay out my money in
these trinkets you see. It's property , look you, Red-
mond, and the only way I have found of keeping a lit-
tle about me. When the luck goes against me, why,
my dear, my diamonds go to the pawnbrokers, and I wear
paste. Friend Moses, the goldsmith, will pay me a
visit this very day, for the chances have been against
me all the week past, and I must raise money for the
bank to-night. Do you understand the cards ?"
I replied that I could play as soldiers do, but had
no great skill.
"We will practise in the mornings, my boy," said
he, " and I'll put you up to a thing or two worth
knowing."
Of course I was glad to have such an opportunity
of acquiring knowledge, and professed myself delighted
to receive my uncle's instruction .
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 199

The chevalier's account of himself rather disagree-

ably affected me. All his show was on his back, as he
said. His carriage, with the fine gilding, was a part of
his stock in trade. He had a sort of mission from the
Austrian court :-it was to discover whether a certain
quantity of alloyed ducats which had been traced to
Berlin, were from the king's treasury. But the real
end of Monsieur de Balibari was play. There was

a young attaché of the English embassy, my Lord

Deuceace, afterwards Viscount and Earl of Crabs in the
English peerage, who was playing high ; and it was
after hearing of the passion of this young English
nobleman that my uncle, then at Prague, determined to
visit Berlin and engage him. For there is a sort of
chivalry among the knights of the dice-box : the
fame of great players is known all over Europe. I
have known the Chevalier de Casanova, for instance, to
travel six hundred miles, from Paris to Turin, for the
purpose of meeting Mr. Charles Fox, then only my
Lord Holland's dashing son, afterwards the greatest of
European orators and statesmen.
It was agreed that I should keep my character of
valet, that in the presence of strangers I should not
know a word of English, that I should keep a good
look-out on the trumps when I was serving the cham-
pagne and punch about ; and, having a remarkably fine
eyesight, and a great natural aptitude, I was speedily
able to give my dear uncle much assistance against
200 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

his opponents at the green table. Some prudish per-

sons may affect indignation at the frankness of these
confessions, but Heaven pity them ! Do you suppose
that any man who has lost or won a hundred thousand
pounds at play will not take the advantages which his
neighbour enjoys ? They are all the same. But it is
only the clumsy fool who cheats, who resorts to the
vulgar expedients of cogged dice and cut cards. Such
a man is sure to go wrong some time or other, and is
not fit to play in the society of gallant gentlemen ; and
my advice to people who see such a vulgar person at
his pranks is, of course, to back him while he plays,
but never- never to have any thing to do with him.
Play grandly, honourably. Be not, of course, cast down
at losing ; but, above all, be not eager at winning, as
mean souls are. And , indeed, with all one's skill and
advantages that winning is often problematical, I have
seen a sheer ignoramus that knows no more of play
than of Hebrew, blunder you out of five thousand
pounds in a few turns of the cards. I have seen a gen-
tleman and his confederate play against another and
his confederate. One never is secure in these cases ;
and when one considers the time and labour spent, the
genius, the anxiety, the outlay of money required , the
multiplicity of bad debts that one meets with (for dis-
honourable rascals are to be found at the play-table, as
every where else in the world) , I say, for my part, the
profession is a bad one ; and, indeed, have scarcely
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 201

ever met a man who, in the end, profited by it. I am

writing now with the experience of a man of the world .
At the time I speak of I was a lad, dazzled by the idea
of wealth, and respecting, certainly too much, my
uncle's superior age and station in life.
There is no need to particularise here the little
arrangements made between us ; the play-men of the
present day want no instruction , I take it, and the pub-
lic have little interest in the matter. But simplicity
was our secret. Every thing successful is simple. If,
for instance, I wiped the dust off a chair with my nap-
kin, it was to show that diamonds, the enemy, was
strong in ; if I pushed it he had ace, king ; if I said,
" Punch or wine, my lord ?" hearts was meant ; if
" Wine or punch ?" clubs. If I blew my nose, it was
to indicate that there was another confederate employed
by the adversary ; and then, I warrant you, some
pretty trials of skill would take place. My Lord
Deuceace, although so young, had a very great skill
and cleverness with the cards in every way ; and it
was only from hearing Frank Punter, who came with
him, yawn three times when the chevalier had the ace
of trumps, that I knew we were Greek to Greek, as it
were.
My assumed dulness was perfect ; and I used to
make Monsieur de Potzdorf laugh with it, when I car-
ried my little reports to him at the Garden-house out-
side the town where he gave me rendezvous. These
9*
202 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

reports, of course, were arranged between me and my

uncle beforehand. I was instructed (and it is always
far the best way) to tell as much truth as my story
would possibly bear. When, for instance, he would ask
me, " What does the chevalier do of a morning ?"
" He goes to church regularly (he was very reli-
gious), and after hearing mass comes home to breakfast.
Then he takes an airing in his chariot till dinner, which
is served at noon. After dinner he writes his letters, if
he have any letters to write ; but he has very little to
do in this way. His letters are to the Austrian envoy,
with whom he corresponds, but who does not acknow-
ledge him ; and being written in English, of course I
look over his shoulder. He generally writes for money.
He says he wants it to bribe the secretaries of the trea-
sury, in order to find out really where the alloyed du-
cats come from ; but, in fact, he wants it to play of eve-
nings, when he makes his party with Calsabigi, the lot-
tery-contractor, the Russian attachés, two from the Eng-
lish embassy, my Lords Deuceace and Punter, who play
a jeu d'enfer, and a few more. The same set meet every
night at supper : there are seldom any ladies ; those
who come are chiefly French ladies, members of the
corps de ballet. He wins often, but not always. Lord
Deuceace is a very fine player. The Chevalier Elliott,
the English minister, sometimes comes, on which occa-
sion the secretaries do not play. Monsieur de Balibari
dines at the missions, but en petit comité, not on grand
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 203

days of reception. Calsabigi, I think, is his confederate

at play. He has won lately, but the week before last
he pledged his solitaire for four hundred ducats."
6.
Do he and the English attachés talk together in
their own language ?"
" Yes ; he and the envoy spoke yesterday for half-
an-hour about the new danseuse and the American trou-
bles chiefly about the new danseuse.”
It will be seen that the information I gave was very
minute and accurate, though not very important. But
such as it was, it was carried to the ears of that famous
hero and warrior the Philosopher of Sans Souci ; and
there was not a stranger who entered the capital but
his actions were similarly spied and related to Frederick
the Great.
As long as the play was confined to the young men
of the different embassies, his majesty did not care to
prevent it ; ray, he encouraged play at all the missions,
knowing full well that a man in difficulties can be made
to speak, and that a timely rouleau of Frederics would
often get him a secret worth many thousands. He got
some papers from the French house in this way ; and I
have no doubt that my Lord Deuceace would have sup-
plied him with information at a similar rate, had his
chief not known the young nobleman's character pretty
well ; and had (as is usually the case) the work of the
mission performed by a steady roturier, while the young
brilliant bloods of the suite sported their embroidery at
204 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

the balls, or shook their Mechlin ruffles over the green

tables at faro. I have seen many scores of these young
sprigs since, of these and their principals, and, mon Dieu !
what fools they are ! What dullards, what fribbles,
what addle-headed simple coxcombs ! This is one of
the lies of the world, this diplomacy ; or how could we
suppose, that were the profession as difficult as the sol-
emn red-box and tape-men would have us believe, they
would invariably choose for it little pink-faced boys
from school, with no other claim than mamma's title,
and able at most to judge of a curricle, a new dance, or
a neat boot ?
When it became known , however, to the officers of
the garrison that there was a faro-table in town, they
were wild to be admitted to the sport ; and, in spite of
my entreaties to the contrary, my uncle was not averse
to allow the young gentlemen their fling, and once or
twice cleared a handsome sum out of their purses. It
was in vain I told him that I must carry the news to
my captain, before whom his comrades would not fail
to talk, and who would thus know of the intrigue even
without my information.
"Tell him," said my uncle.
" They will send you away," said I ; " then what is
to become of me ?"
"Make your mind easy," said the latter, with a
smile ; " you shall not be left behind , I warrant you.
Go take a last look at your barracks , make your mind
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 205

easy, say a farewell to your friends in Berlin . The

dear souls, how they will weep when they hear you are
out of the country, and, as sure as my name is Barry,
out of it you shall go !"
"But how, sir," said I.
"Recollect Mr. Fakenham of Fakenham," said he,
knowingly. " "Tis you yourself taught me how. Go
get me one of my wigs. Open my dispatch-box yon-
der, where the great secrets of the Austrian chancery
lie ; put your hair back off your forehead ; clap me on
this patch and these mustachios, and now look in the
glass !"
" The Chevalier de Balibari !" said I, bursting with
laughter, and began walking the room in his manner
with his stiff knee.
The next day when I went to make my report to
Monsieur de Potzdorff, I told him of the young Prus-
sian officers that had been of late gambling ; and he
replied, as I expected, that the king had determined to
send the chevalier out of the country.
"He is a stingy curmudgeon," I replied ; " I have
had but three Frederics from him in two months, and
I hope you will remember your promise to advance
me !"
66"Why, three Frederics
were too much for the
news you have picked up," said the captain, sneering.
"It is not my fault that there has been no more,"
I replied . "When is he to go, sir ?"
206 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

" The day after to-morrow. You say he drives

after breakfast and before dinner. When he comes
out to his carriage, a couple of gend'armes will mount
the box, and the coachman will get his orders to move
on."
" And his baggage, sir ?" said I.
" Oh ! that will be sent after him. I have a fancy
to look into that red box which contains his papers,
you say ; and at noon, after parade, shall be at the inn.
You will not say a word to any one there regarding
the affair, and will wait for me at the chevalier's rooms
until my arrival. We must force that box. You are
a clumsy hound, or you would have got the key long
ago !"
I begged the captain to remember me, and so took
my leave of him. The next night I placed a couple of
pistols under the carriage-seat ; and I think the adven-
tures of the following day are quite worthy of the
honours of a separate chapter.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 207

CHAPTER X.

FORTUNE, smiling at parting upon Monsieur de Bali-

bari, enabled him to win a handsome sum with his faro
bank.
At ten o'clock the next morning, the carriage ofthe
Chevalier de Balibari drew up as usual at the door of
his hotel ; and the chevalier, who was at his window,
seeing the chariot arrive, came down the stairs in his
usual stately manner.
"Where is my rascal, Ambrose ?" said he, looking
around and not finding his servant to open the door.
" I will let down the steps for your honour," said a
gend'arme who was standing by the carriage ; and no
sooner had the chevalier entered, than the officer jumped
in after him, another mounted the box by the coach-
man, and the latter began to drive.
" Good gracious !" said the chevalier, what is
this ?"
" You are going to drive to the frontier," said the
gend'arme, touching his hat.
208 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ,

“ It is shameful -infamous ! I insist upon being

put down at the Austrian ambassador's house !”
" I have orders to gag your honour if you cry out,"
said the gend'arme.
" All Europe shall hear of this !" said the chevalier,
in a fury.
" As you please," answered the officer, and then
both relapsed into silence.
The silence was not broken between Berlin and
Potzdam, through which place the chevalier passed as
his majesty was reviewing his guards there, and the
regiments of Bülow, Zitwitz, and Henkel de Donners-
mark. As the chevalier passed his majesty, the king
raised his hat and said , " Qu'il ne descende pas : je lui
souhaite un bon voyage." The Chevalier de Balibari
acknowledged this courtesy by a profound bow.
They had not got far beyond Potzdam, when, boom !
the alarm cannon began to roar.
" It is a deserter !" said the officer.
" Is it possible ?" said the chevalier, and sunk back
into his carriage again.
Hearing the sound of the guns the common people
came out along the road with fowling-pieces and pitch-
forks, in hopes to catch the truant. The gend'armes
looked very anxious to be on the look-out for him too
The price of a deserter was fifty crowns to those who
brought him in.
"Confess, sir," said the chevalier to the police-office
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 209

in the carriage with him, " that you long to be rid of

me from whom you can get nothing, and to be on the
look-out for the deserter who may bring you in fifty
crowns ? Why not tell the postilion to push on ?
You may land me at the frontier and get back to your
hunt all the sooner." The officer told the postilion to
get on, but the way seemed intolerably long to the
chevalier. Once or twice he thought he heard the
noise of horse galloping behind : his own horses did
not seem to go two miles an hour, but they did go.
The black and white barriers came in view at last,
hard by Brück, and opposite them the green and yel-
low of Saxony. The Saxon custom-house officers
came out.
" I have no luggage," said the chevalier.
"The gentleman has nothing contraband," said the
Prussian officers, grinning, and took their leave of their
prisoner with much respect.
The Chevalier de Balibari gave them a Frederic
a-piece.
" Gentlemen," said he, " I wish you a good day.
Will you please to go to the house whence we set out
this morning, and tell my man there to send on my
baggage to the Three Kings at Dresden ?" Then or-
dering fresh horses, the chevalier set off on his journey
for that capital. I need not tell you that I was the
chevalier.
210 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

66 FROM THE CHEVALIER DE BALIBARI TO REDMOND BARRY, ESQUIRE,

GENTILHOMME ANGLAIS.

"A l'Hôtel des 3 Couronnes, à Dresde, en Saxe.

" NEPHEW REDMOND,-This comes to you by a sure hand,
no other than Mr. Lumpit of the English mission, who is ac-
quainted, as all Berlin will be directly, with our wonderful
story. They only know half as yet : they only know that a
deserter went off in my clothes, and all are in admiration of
your cleverness and valour.
"I confess that for two hours after your departure I lay in
bed in no small trepidation, thinking whether his majesty
might have a fancy to send me to Spandau, for the freak of
which we had both been guilty. But in that case I had taken
my precautions ; I had written a statement of the case to my
chief, the Austrian minister, with the full and true story how
you had been set to spy upon me, how you turned out to be
my very near relative, how you had been kidnapped yourself
into the service, and how we both had determined to effect
your escape. The laugh would have been so much against the
king, that he never would have dared to lay a finger upon me.
What would Monsieur de Voltaire have said to such an act of
tyranny ?
"But it was a lucky day, and every thing has turned out
to my wish. As I lay in my bed two and a half hours after
your departure, in comes your ex-captain Potzdorff. 'Red-
mont !' says he, in his imperious High Dutch way, ' are you
there ?' No answer. 'The rogue is gone out,' said he ; and
straightway makes for my red box where I keep my love-let-
ters, my glass eye which I used to wear, my favourite lucky
dice with which I threw the thirteen mains at Prague ; my two
sets of Paris teeth, and my other private matters that you know
of.
"He first tried a bunch of keys, but none of them would
fit the little English lock. Then my gentleman takes out of
his pocket a chisel and hammer, and falls to work like a pro-
fessional burglar, actually bursting open my little box !
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 211

"Now was my time to act. I advance towards him armed

with an immense water-jug. I come noiselessly up to him just
as he had broken the box, and, with all my might, I deal him
such a blow over the head as smashes the water-jug to atoms,
and sends my captain with a snort lifeless to the ground. I
thought I had killed him !
" Then I ring all the bells in the house ; and shout, and
swear, and scream, Thieves !-thieves ! -landlord !-murder !
-fire !' until the whole household come tumbling up the stairs.
'Where is my servant ?' roar I. Who dares to rob me in
open day ? Look at the villain whom I find in the act of
breaking my chest open ! Send for the police, send for his
Excellency the Austrian minister ! all Europe shall know of
this insult !'
" Dear heaven !' says the landlord, " we saw you go away
three hours ago !'
" Me!' say I ; 6 why, man, I have been in bed all the
morning. I am ill-I have taken physic-I have not left the
house this morning ! Where is that scoundrel Ambrose ? But,
stop ! where are my clothes and wig ? for I was standing be-
fore them in my chamber-gown and stockings, with my night-
cap on.
" I have it-I have it !' says a little chamber-maid ; ' Am-
brose is off in your honour's dress.'
" And my money-my money !' says I ; 6 where is my
purse with forty-eight Frederics in it ? But we have one of
the villains left. Officers, seize him !'
" It's the young Herr von Potzdorff !' says the landlord,
more and more astonished.
“ What ! a gentleman breaking open my trunk with ham-
mer and chisel- impossible!'
"Herr von Potzdorff was returning to life by this time, with
a swelling on his skull as big as a saucepan ; and the officers
carried him off, and the judge who was sent for dressed a pro-
cès verbal of the matter, and I demanded a copy of it, which I
sent forthwith to my ambassador.
"I was kept a prisoner to my room the next day, and a
judge, a general, and a host of lawyers, officers, and officials,
212 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

were set upon me to bully, perplex, threaten, and cajole me.

I said it was true you had told me that you had been kid-
napped into the service, that I thought you were released from
it, and that I had you with the best recommendations. I ap-
pealed to my minister, who was bound to come to my aid ;
and, to make a long story short, poor Potzdorff is now on his
way to Spandau ; and his uncle, the elder Potzdorff, has
brought me five hundred louis, with a humble request that I
would leave Berlin forthwith, and hush up this painful matter.
" I shall be with you at the Three Crowns the day after
you receive this. Ask Mr. Lumpit to dinner. Do not spare
your money-you are my son. Every body in Dresden knows
your loving uncle,
" THE CHEVALIER DE BALIBARI."

And by these wonderful circumstances I was once

more free again, and I kept my resolution then made
never to fall more into the hands of any recruiter, and
thenceforth and for ever to be a gentleman.
With this sum of money, and a good run of luck
which ensued presently, we were enabled to make no
ungenteel figure. My uncle speedily joined me at the
inn at Dresden, where, under pretence of illness, I had
kept quiet until his arrival ; and, as the Chevalier de
Balibari was in particular good odour at the court of
Dresden (having been an intimate acquaintance of the
late monarch the Elector, King of Poland, the most
dissolute and agreeable of European princes), I was
speedily in the very best society of the Saxon capital,
where I may say that my own person and manners,
and the singularity of the adventures in which I had
been a hero, made me especially welcome. There was
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 213

not a party of the nobility to which the two gent.emen

of Balibari were not invited. I had the honour of kiss-
ing hands and being graciously received at court by
the elector, and I wrote home to my mother such a
flaming description of my prosperity, that the good
soul very nearly forgot her celestial welfare and her
confessor, the Rev. Joshua Jowls, in order to come after
me to Germany ; but travelling was very difficult in
those days, and so we were spared the arrival of the
good lady.
I think the soul of Harry Barry, my father, who
was always so genteel in his turn of mind, must have
rejoiced to see the position which I now occupied . All
the women anxious to receive me, all the men in a
fury ; hobnobbing with dukes and counts at supper,
dancing minuets with high well-born baronesses (as
they absurdly call themselves in Germany) , with lovely
excellencies, nay, with highnesses and transparencies
themselves , who could compete with the gallant young
Irish noble, who would suppose that seven weeks before
I had been a common-bah ! I am ashamed to think
of it ! One of the pleasantest moments of my life was
at a grand gala at the electoral palace, where I had
the honour of walking a polonaise with no other than
the Margravine of Bayreuth, old Fritz's own sister ;
old Fritz, whose hateful blue blaize livery I had worn,
whose belts I had pipe-clayed, and whose abominable
214 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

rations of small beer and souerkrout I had swallowed

for five years.
Having won an English chariot from an Italian
gentleman at play, my uncle had our arms painted on
the panels in a more splendid way than ever, sur-
mounted (as we were descended from the ancient kings)
with an Irish crown of the most splendid size and gild-
ing. I had this crown in lieu of a coronet engraved on
a large amethyst signet-ring worn on my fore-finger ;
and I don't mind confessing that I used to say the
jewel had been in my family for several thousand years,
having originally belonged to my direct ancestor, his
late Majesty King Brian Boru, or Barry. I warrant the
legends of the Herald's Cottage are not more authentic
than mine was.
At first the minister and the gentlemen at the
English hotel used to be rather shy of us two Irish no-
blemen, and questioned our pretensions to rank. The
minister was a lord's son, it is true, but he was likewise
a grocer's grandson, and so I told him at Count Lob-
kowitz's masquerade. My uncle, like a noble gentleman
as he was, knew the pedigree of every considerable
family in Europe. He said it was the only knowledge
befitting a gentleman ; and, when we were not at
cards, we would pass hours over Gwillim or D'Hozier
reading the genealogies, learning the blazons, and mak-
ing ourselves acquainted with the relationships of our
class. Alas ! the noble science is going into disre
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 215

pute now ; so are cards, without which studies and

pastimes I can hardly conceive how a man of honour
can exist.
My first affair of honour with a man of undoubted
fashion was on the score of my nobility with young
Sir Rumford Bumford of the English embassy, my
uncle at the same time sending a cartel to the minister,
who declined to come. I shot Sir Rumford in the leg,
amidst the tears of joy of my uncle, who accompanied
me to the ground ; and I promise you that none of the
young gentlemen questioned the authenticity of my
pedigree, or laughed at my Irish crown again.
What a delightful life did we now lead ! I knew I
was born a gentleman, from the kindly way in which
I took to the business, as business it certainly is. For
though it seems all pleasure, yet I assure any low-bred
persons who may chance to read this, that we, their
betters, have to work as well as they ; though I did not
rise until noon, yet had I not been up at play until
long past midnight ? Many a time have we come
home to bed as the troops were marching out to early
parade ; and, oh ! it did my heart good to hear the
bugles blowing the reveillé before daybreak, or to see
the regiments marching out to exercise, and think that
I was no longer bound to that disgusting discipline,
but restored to my natural station.
I came into it at once, and as if I had never done
any thing else all my life. I had a gentleman to wait
216 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

upon me, a French friseur to dress my hair of a morn-

ing ; I knew the taste of chocolate as by intuition al-
most, and could distinguish between the right Spanish
and the French before I had been a week in my new
position ; I had rings on all my fingers, watches in
both my fobs, canes, trinkets, and snuff-boxes of all
sorts, and each outvying the other in elegance ; I had
the finest natural taste for lace and china of any man I
ever new. I could judge a horse as well as any Jew
dealer in Germany ; in shooting and athletic exercises
I was unrivalled ; I could not spell, but I could speak
German and French cleverly ; I had at the least twelve
suits of clothes ; three richly embroidered with gold,
two laced with silver, a garnet-coloured velvet pelisse
lined with sable ; one of French grey, silver-laced and
lined with chinchilla. I had damask morning-robes,
to which a peacock's tail is as sober as a Quaker's drab
skirt. I took lessons on the guitar, and sang French
catches exquisitely. Where, in fact, was there a more
accomplished gentleman than Redmond de Balibari ?
All the luxuries becoming my station could not, of
course, be purchased without credit and money, to pro-
cure which, as our patrimony had been wasted by our
ancestors, and we were above the vulgarity and slow
returns and doubtful chances of trade, my uncle kept a
faro bank. We were in partnership with a Florentine,
well known in all the courts of Europe, the Count
Alessandro Pippi, as skilful a player as ever was seen,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 217

but he turned out a sad knave latterly, and I have dis-

covered that his countship was a mere impostor. My
uncle was maimed, as I have said ; Pippi, like all im-
postors, was a coward ; it was my unrivalled skill with
the sword, and readiness to use it, that maintained the
reputation of the firm , so to speak, and silenced many
a timid gambler who might have hesitated to pay his
losings. We always played on parole with any body ;
any person, that is, of honour and noble lineage. We
never pressed for our winnings or declined to receive
promissory notes in lieu of gold . But woe to the man
who did not pay when the note became due ! Red-
mond de Balibari was sure to wait upon him with his
bill, and I promise you there were very few bad debts ;
on the contrary, gentlemen were grateful to us for our
forbearance, and our character for honour stood unim-
peached . In later times a vulgar national prejudice
has chosen to cast a slur upon the character of men of
honour engaged in the profession of play ; but I speak
of the good old days in Europe, before the cowardice
of the French aristocracy (in the shameful Revolution,
which served them right) brought discredit and ruin
upon our order. They cry fie now upon men engaged
in play ; but I should like to know how much more
honourable their modes of livelihood are than ours.
The broker of the Exchange who bulls and bears, and
buys and sells, and dabbles with lying loans, and trades
on state-secrets, what is he but a gamester ? The mer-
10
218 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

chant who deals in teas and tallow, is he any better ?

His bales of dirty indigo are his dice, his cards come
up every year instead of every ten minutes, and the sea
is his green table. You call the profession of the law an
honourable one, where a man will lie for any bidder,
lie down poverty for the sake of a fee from wealth, lie
down right because wrong is in his brief. You call a
doctor an honourable man, a swindling quack, who
does not believe in the nostrums which he prescribes,
and takes your guinea for whispering in your ear that
it is a fine morning ; and yet, forsooth, a gallant man
who sets him down before the baize and challenges all
comers, his money against theirs, his fortune against
theirs, is proscribed by your modern moral world. It
is a conspiracy of the middle-classes against gentlemen
-it is only the shopkeeper cant which is to go down
nowadays. I say that play was an institution of chi-
valry, it has been wrecked along with other privileges
of men of birth.* When Seingalt engaged a man for
six-and-thirty hours without leaving the table, I vow I

* Lest any weak minds should be perverted by the above

tirade of Mr. Barry, it may be here observed that it was na-
tural in this gentleman, who appeared by his own confession
to have been the fighting man or bully of a gambling firm, to
defend himself, but that his manner of doing so is quite unsat-
isfactory ; for to prove that others are rogues (and such possi-
bly there may be in the recognised professions), is by no means
to disprove his own roguery, and so the question stands exact-
ly where it did before.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 219

think it was a glorious tournament, and what the in-

genious person who has lately written Ivanhoe calls " a
passage of arms." How have we had the best blood,
and the brightest eyes, too, of Europe throbbing round
the table as I and my uncle have held the cards and
the bank against some terrible player, who was match-
ing some thousands out of his millions against our all
which was there on the baize ! When we engaged that
daring Alexis Kossloffsky, and won seven thousand
louis in a single coup, had we lost, we should have
been beggars the next day ; when he lost, he was only
a village and a few hundred serfs in pawn the worse.
When at Toeplitz, the Duke of Courland brought four-
teen lacqueys each with four bags of florins, and chal-
lenged our bank to play against the sealed bags, what
did we ask ? " Sir," said we, 66 we have but eighty
thousand florins in bank, or two hundred thousand at
three months ; if your highness's bags do not contain.
more than eighty thousand, we will meet you ;" and
we did, and after eleven hours' play, in which our bank
was at one time reduced to two hundred and three
ducats, we won seventeen thousand florins of him. Is
this not something like boldness ? does this profession
not require skill, and perseverance, and bravery ? Four
crowned heads looked on at the game, and an imperial
princess, when I turned up the ace of hearts and made
Paroli burst into tears. No man on the European Con-
tinent held a higher position than Redmond Barry
220 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

then ; and when the Duke of Courland lost, he was

pleased to say that we had won nobly ; and so we had ,
and spent nobly what we won.
At this period my uncle, who attended mass every
day regularly, always put ten florins into the box ;
wherever we went, the tavern-keepers made us more
welcome than royal princes. We used to give away
the broken meat from our suppers and dinners to scores.
of beggars who blessed us. Every man who held my
horse or cleaned my boots got a ducat for his pains. I
was, I may say, the author of our common good for-
tune, by putting boldness into our play. Pippi was a
fainthearted fellow, who was always cowardly when he
began to win. My uncle (I speak with great respect of
him) was too much of a devotee, and too much of a
martinet at play ever to win greatly. His moral cour-
age was unquestionable, but his daring was not suffi-
cient. Both of these my seniors very soon acknow-
ledged me to be their chief, and hence the style of
splendour I have described.
I have mentioned H. I. H. the Princess Frederica
Amelia, who was affected by my success, and shall al-
ways think with gratitude of the protection with which
that exalted lady honoured me. She was passionately
fond of play, as indeed were the ladies of almost all the
courts in Europe in those days, and hence would often
arise no small trouble to us ; for the truth must be
told, that ladies love to play, certainly, but not to pay.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 221

The point of honour is not understood by the charming

sex ; and it was with the greatest difficulty, in our pe-
regrinations to the various courts of northern Europe,
that we could keep them from the table, could get
their money if they lost, or, if they paid, prevent them
from using the most furious and extraordinary means
of revenge. In those great days of our fortune, I cal-
culate that we lost no less than fourteen thousand louis
by such failures of payment. A princess of a ducal
house gave us paste instead of diamonds, which she
had solemnly pledged to us ; another organised a rob-
bery of the crown jewels, and would have charged the
theft upon us, but for Pippi's caution, who had kept
back a note of hand " her High Transparency " gave
us, and sent it to his ambassador, by which precaution
I do believe our necks were saved. A third lady of
high (but not princely) rank, after I had won a consi-
derable sum in diamonds and pearls from her, sent her
lover with a band of cut-throats to waylay me, and it
was only by extraordinary courage, skill, and good
luck, that I escaped from these villains, wounded my-
self, but leaving the chief aggressor dead on the ground.
My sword entered his eye and broke there, and the
villains who were with him fled seeing their chief fall.
They might have finished me else, for I had no weapon
of defence.
Thus it will be seen that our life, for all its splen-
dour, was one of extreme danger and difficulty, requir-
222 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

ing high talents and courage for success ; and often,

when we were in a full vein of success, we were sud-
denly driven from our ground on account of some freak
of a reigning prince, some intrigue of a disappointed
mistress, or some quarrel with the police minister. If
the latter personage were not bribed or won over,
nothing was more common than for us to receive a
sudden order of departure, and so, perforce, we lived a
wandering and desultory life.
Though the gains of such a life are, as I have said,
very great, yet the expenses are enormous. Our ap-
pearance and retinue was too splendid for the narrow
mind of Pippi, who was always crying out at my ex-
travagance, though obliged to own that his own mean-
ness and parsimony would never have achieved the
great victories which my generosity had won. With
all our success, our capital was not very great. That
speech to the Duke of Courland, for instance, was a
mere boast as far as the two hundred thousand florins
at three months were concerned . We had no credit,
and no money beyond that on our table, and should
have been forced to fly if his highness had won and
accepted our bills. Sometimes, too, we were hit very
hard. A bank is a certainty, almost, but now and then
a bad day will come ; and men who have the courage
of good fortune, at least, ought to meet bad luck well :
the former, believe me, is the harder task of the two.
One of these evil chances befell us in the Duke of
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 223

Baden's territory, at Mannheim. Pippi, who was`al-

ways on the look-out for business, offered to make a
bank at the inn where we put up, and where the officers
of the duke's cuirassiers supped ; and some small play
accordingly took place, and some wretched crowns and
louis changed hands, I trust rather to the advantage of
these poor gentlemen of the army, who are surely the
poorest of all devils under the sun.
But, as ill luck would have it, a couple of young
students from the neighbouring University of Heidel-
burg, who had come to Mannheim for their quarter's
revenue, and so had some hundred of dollars between
them, were introduced to the table, and, having never
played before (as is always the case), began to win.
As il luck would have it, too, they were tipsy, and
against tipsiness I have often found the best calcula-
tions of play fail entirely. They played in the most
perfectly insane way, and yet won always. Every card
they backed turned up in their favour. They had won
a hundred louis from us in ten minutes ; and, seeing
that Pippi was growing angry and the luck against us,
I was for shutting up the bank for the night, saying the
play was only meant for a joke, and that now we had
had enough .
But Pippi, who had quarrelled with me that day,
was determined to proceed, and the upshot was, that the
students played and won more ; then they lent money
to the officers, who began to win, too ; and in this igno-
224 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

ble way, in a tavern-room thick with tobacco-smoke,

across a deal table besmeared with beer and liquor, and, E
to a parcel of hungry subalterns and a pair of beardless
students, three of the most skilful and renowned play-
ers in Europe lost seventeen hundred louis. I blush
now when I think of it. It was like Charles XII. or
Richard Cœur de Lion falling before a petty fortress
and an unknown hand (as my friend Mr. Johnson
wrote), and was, in fact, a most shameful defeat.
Nor was this the only defeat. When our poor con-
querors had gone off, bewildered with the treasure which
Fortune had flung in their way (one of these students
was called the Baron de Clootz, perhaps he who after-
wards lost his head at Paris), Pippi resumed the quar-
rel of the morning, and some exceedingly high words
passed between us.. Among other things, I recollect I
knocked him down with a stool, and was for flinging
him out of window ; but my uncle, who was cool, and
had been keeping Lent with his usual solemnity, inter-
posed between us, and a reconciliation took place, Pippi
apologising and confessing he had been wrong.
I ought to have doubted, however, the sincerity of
the treacherous Italian ; indeed, as I never before be-
lieved a word that he said in his life, I know not why
I was so foolish as to credit him now, and go to bed,
leaving the keys of our cash-box with him. It con-
tained, after our loss to the cuirassiers, in bills and
money, near upon 80007. sterling. Pippi insisted that
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 225

our reconciliation should be ratified over a bowl of hot

wine, and I have no doubt put some soporific drug into
the liquor, for my uncle and I both slept till very late
the next morning, and woke with violent headaches and
fever. We did not quit our beds till noon . He had
been gone twelve hours, leaving our treasury empty ;
and behind him a sort of calculation, by which he
strove to make out that this was his share of the pro-
fits, and that all the losses had been incurred without
his consent.
Thus, after eighteen months, we had to begin the
world again. But was I cast down ? No. Our ward-
robes still were worth a very large sum of money, for
gentlemen did not dress like parish-clerks in those
days, and a person of fashion would often wear a suit
of clothes and a set of ornaments that would be a
shop-boy's fortune ; and, without repining for one sin-
gle minute, or saying a single angry word (my uncle's
temper in this respect was admirable), or allowing the
secret of our loss to be known to a mortal soul, we
pawned three-fourths of our jewels and clothes to Moses
Löwe the banker, and with produce of the sale, and our
private pocket-money, amounting in all to something
less than 800 louis, we took the field again.

10*
226 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER XI.

MORE RUNS OF LUCK.

I AM not going to entertain my readers with an ac-

count of my professional career as a gamester, any
more than I did with anecdotes of my life as a military
man. I might fill volumes with tales of this kind were
I so minded, but, at this rate, my recital would not be
brought to a conclusion for years, and who knows how
soon I may be called upon to stop ? I have gout, rheu-
matism, gravel, and a disordered liver. I have two or
three wounds in my body, which break out every now
and then, and give me intolerable pain, and a hundred
more signs of breaking up. Such are the effects of
time, illness, and free-living, upon one of the strongest
constitutions and finest forms the world ever saw. Ah !
I suffered from none of these ills in the year '66, when
there was no man in Europe more gay in spirits, more
splendid in personal accomplishment, than young Red-
mond Barry.
Before the treachery of the scoundrel Pippi, I had
visited many of the best courts of Europe, especially
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 227

the smaller ones, where play was patronised, and the

professors of that science always welcome. Among the
ecclesiastical principalities of the Rhine we were partic-
ularly well received. I never knew finer or gayer courts
than those of the Electors of Treves and Cologne, where
there was more splendour and gaiety than at Vienna,
far more than in the wretched barrack-court of Berlin.
The court of the Archduchess-Governess of the Nether-
lands was, likewise, a royal place for us knights of the
dice-box and gallant votaries of fortune ; whereas in
the stingy Dutch, or the beggarly Swiss republics, it
was impossible for a gentleman to gain a livelihood un-
molested. Yes, the old times were the times for gen-
tlemen, before Buonaparte brutalised Europe with his
swaggering Grenadiers, and was conquered in his turn
by our shopkeepers and cheesemongers of England
here. To return, however, to my personal adventure.
After our mishap at Mannheim, my uncle and I
made for the Duchy of W- It has since been
erected into a kingdom, and the reader may find out
the place easily enough, but I do not choose to print
at full the names of some illustrious persons in whose
society I then fell, and among whom I was made the
sharer in a very strange and tragical adventure.
There was no court in Europe at which strangers
were more welcome than at that of the noble Duke
of W 9 none where pleasure was more eagerly
sought after, and more splendidly enjoyed . The prince
228 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ,

did not inhabit his capital of S- , but, imitating in

every respect the ceremonial of the court of Versailles,
built himself a magnificent palace at a few leagues
from his chief city, and round about his palace a
superb aristocratic town, inhabited entirely by his
nobles, and the officers of his sumptuous court. The
people were rather hardly pressed, to be sure, in order
to keep up this splendour ; for his highness's dominions
were small, and so he wisely lived in a sort of awful
retirement from them, seldom showing his face in his
capital, or seeing any countenances but those of his
faithful domestics and officers. His palace and gardens
of Ludwigslust were exactly on the French model.
Twice a week there were court receptions, and grand
court galas twice a month. There was the finest opera
out of France, and a ballet unrivalled in splendour, on
which his highness, a great lover of music and dancing,
expended prodigious sums. It may be because I was
then young, but I think I never saw such an assem-
blage of brilliant beauty as used to figure there on the
stage of the court-theatre, in the grand mythological
ballets which were then the mode, and in which you
saw Mars in red-heeled pumps and a periwig, and
Venus in patches and a hoop. They say the costume
was incorrect, and have changed it since, but, for my
part, I have never seen a Venus more lovely than the
Coralie, who was the chief dancer, and found no fault
with the attendant nymphs, in their trains, and lappets,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 229

and powder. These operas used to take place twice

a week, after which some great officer of the court
would have his evening, and his brilliant supper, and
the dice-box rattled everywhere , and all the world
played . I have seen seventy play-tables set out in the
grand gallery of Ludwigslust , besides the faro bank,
where the duke himself would graciously come and
play, and win or lose with a truly royal splendour .
It was hither we came after the Mannheim mis-
fortune. The nobility of the court were pleased to say
our reputation had preceded us, and the two Irish
gentlemen were made welcome. The very first night
at court we lost 740 of our 800 louis ; the next eve-
ning, at the court-marshal's table, I won them back,
with 1300 more. You may be sure we allowed no
one to know how near we were to ruin on the first
evening, but, on the contrary, I endeared every one to
me by my gay manner of losing, and the finance-
minister himself cashed a note for 400 ducats, drawn
by me upon my steward of Ballybarry Castle, in the
kingdom of Ireland, which very note I won from his
excellency the next day, along with a considerable sum
in ready cash. In that noble court every body was
a gambler. You would see the lacqueys in the ducal
anterooms at work with their dirty packs of cards ;
the coach and chair-men playing in the court, while
their masters were punting in the saloons above ; the
very cook-maids and scullions, I was told, had a bank,
230 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

where one of them, an Italian confectioner, made a

handsome fortune. He purchased afterwards a Roman
marquisate, and his son was presented to the Prince
Regent only last year, and was one of the most fash-
ionable of the illustrious foreigners then in London .
The poor devils of soldiers played away their pay,
when they got it, which was seldom ; and I don't
believe there was an officer in any one of the Guard
regiments but had his cards in his pouch, and no more
forgot his dice than his sword-knot. Among such
fellows it was diamond cut diamond. What you call
fair play would have been a folly. The gentlemen of
Ballybarry would have been fools, indeed, to appear as
pigeons in such a hawk's nest. None but men of
courage and genius could live and prosper in a society
where every one was bold and clever ; and here my
uncle and I held our own, ay, and more than our
own.
His highness the duke was a widower, or rather,
since the death of the reigning duchess, had contracted
a Morganatic marriage with a lady whom he had
ennobled, and who considered it a compliment (such
was the morality of those days) to be called the
Northern Dubarry. He had been married very young,
and his son, the hereditary prince, may be said to have
been the political sovereign of the state, for the reign-
ing duke was fonder of pleasure than of politics, and
loved to talk a great deal more with his grand hunts-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 231

man, or the director of his opera, than with ministers

and ambassadors.
The hereditary prince, whom I shall call Prince
Victor, was of a very different character from his
august father. He had made the wars of the succes-
sion and seven years with great credit in the empress's
service, was of a stern character, seldom appeared at
court, except when ceremony called him, but lived
almost alone in his wing of the palace, where he
devoted himself to the severest studies, being a great
astronomer and chemist. He shared in the rage, then
common throughout Europe, of hunting for the phi-
losopher's stone ; and my uncle often regretted that he
had no smattering of chemistry, like Balsamo (who
called himself Cagliostro), St. Germain, and other
individuals, who had obtained very great sums from
Duke Victor by aiding him in his search after the
His amusements were hunting and re-
great secret.
viewing the troops ; but for him, and if his good-
natured father had not had his aid, the army would
have been playing at cards all day, and so it was well
that the prudent prince was left to govern.
Duke Victor was fifty years of age, and his prin-
cess, the Princess Olivia, was scarce three-and-twenty.
They had been married seven years, and, in the first
years of their union, the princess had borne him a son
and a daughter. The stern morals and manners, the
dark and ungainly appearance, of the husband, were
232 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

little likely to please the brilliant and fascinating young

woman, who had been educated in the south (she was
connected with the ducal house of S―― ) , who had
passed two years at Paris under the guardianship of
Mesdames, daughters of his most Christian Majesty,
and who was the life and soul of the court of W-
the gayest of the gay, the idol of her august father-in-
law, and, indeed, of the whole court. She was not
beautiful, but charming ; not witty, but charming, too,
in her conversation as in her person. She was extrava-
gant beyond all measure, so false that you could not
trust her ; but her very weaknesses were more winning
than the virtues of other women, her selfishness more
delightful than others' generosity. I never knew a
woman whose faults made her so attractive. She used
to ruin people, and yet they all loved her. My old
uncle has seen her cheating at ombre, and let her win
400 louis without resisting in the least. Her caprices
with the officers and ladies of her household were cease-
less, but they adored her. She was the only one of the
reigning family whom the people worshipped. She
never went abroad but they followed her carriage with
shouts of acclamation , and, to be generous to them, she
would borrow the last penny from one of her poor
maids-of-honour, whom she would never pay. In the
early days her husband was as much fascinated by her
as all the rest of the world was ; but her caprices had
caused frightful outbreaks of temper on his part, and
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 233

an estrangement which, though interrupted by almost

mad returns of love, was still general. I speak of her
royal highness with perfect candour and admiration ,
although I might be pardoned for judging her more
severely, considering her opinion of myself. She said
the elder Monsieur de Balibari was a finished old gen-
tleman, and the younger one had the manners of a
courier. The world has given a different opinion, and
I can afford to chronicle this almost single sentence
against me. Besides, she had a reason for her dislike
to me, which you shall hear.
Five years in the army, long experience of the
world had, ere now, dispelled any of those romantic
notions regarding love with which I commenced life ;
and I had determined, as is proper with gentlemen (it
is only your low people who marry for mere affection),
to consolidate my fortunes by marriage. In the course
of our peregrinations, my uncle and I had made several
attempts to carry this object into effect ; but numerous
disappointments had occurred, which are not worth
mentioning here, and had prevented me hitherto from
making such a match as I thought was worthy of a
man of my birth, abilities, and personal appearance.
Ladies are not in the habit of running away on the
Continent, as is the custom in England (a custom
whereby many honourable gentlemen of my country
have much benefited) ; guardians, and ceremonies, and
difficulties of all kinds intervene ; true love is not al-
234 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

lowed to have its course, and poor women cannot give

away their honest hearts to the gallant fellows who
have won them . Now it was settlements that were asked
for ; now it was my pedigree and title-deeds that were
not satisfactory, though I had a plan and rent-roll of
the Ballybarry estates, and the genealogy of the family
up to King Brian Boru , or Barry, most handsomely de-
signed on paper ; now it was a young lady who was
whisked off to a convent, just as she was ready to fall into
my arms ; on another occasion , when a rich widow of
the Low Countries was about to make me lord of a
noble estate in Flanders, comes an order of the police
which drives me out of Brussels at an hour's notice,
and consigns my mourner to her chateau. But at
W-
W , I had an opportunity of playing a great game,
and had won it, too, but for the dreadful catastrophe
which upset my fortune.
In the household of the hereditary princess, there
was a lady nineteen years of age, and possessor of the
greatest fortune in the whole duchy. The Countess
Ida, such was her name, was daughter of a late min-
ister and favourite of his highness the Duke of W- "
and his duchess, who had done her the honour to be
her sponsors at birth, and who, at the father's death,
had taken her under their august guardianship and
protection. At sixteen she was brought from her
castle, where, up to that period, she had been permit-
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 235

ted to reside, and had been placed with the Princess

Olivia, as one of her highness's maids- of-honour.
The aunt of the Countess Ida, who presided over
her house during her minority, had foolishly allowed
her to contract an attachment for her cousin-german, a
penniless sub-lieutenant in one of the duke's foot regi-
ments, who had flattered himself to be able to carry off
this rich prize, and if he had not been a blundering,
silly idiot indeed , with the advantage of seeing her con-
stantly, of having no rival near him, and the intimacy
attendant upon close kinsmanship, might easily, by a
private marriage, have secured the young countess and
her possessions. But he managed matters so foolishly,
that he allowed her to leave her retirement, to come to
court for a year, and take her place in the Princess
Olivia's household, and then what does my young gen-
tleman do, but appear at the Duke's levee one day, in
his tarnished epaulet and threadbare coat, and make
an application in due form to his highness, as the
young lady's guardian, for the hand of the richest
heiress in his dominions !
The weakness of the good-natured prince was such
that, as the Countess Ida herself was quite as eager for
the match as her silly cousin, his highness might have
been induced to allow the match, had not the Princess
Olivia been induced to interpose , and to procure from
the duke a peremptory veto to the hopes of the young
man. The cause of this refusal was as yet unknown,
236 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

no other suitor for the young lady's hand was men-

tioned, and the lovers continued to correspond , hoping
that time might effect a change in his highness's reso-
lutions, when, of a sudden, the lieutenant was drafted
into one of the regiments which the prince was in the
habit of selling to the great powers then at war (this
military commerce was a principal part of his high-
ness's and other princes' revenues in those days), and
their connection was thus abruptly broken off.
It was strange that the Princess Olivia should have
taken this part against a young lady who had been
her favourite ; for, at first, with those romantic and sen-
timental notions which almost every woman has, she
had somewhat encouraged the Countess Ida and her
penniless lover, but now suddenly turned against them,
and, from loving the countess, as she previously had
done, pursued her with every manner of hatred which
a woman knows how to inflict ; and there was no end
to the ingenuity of her tortures, the venom of her
tongue, the bitterness of her sarcasm and scorn. When
I first came to court at W , the young fellows
there had nicknamed the young lady the Dumme
Gräfinn, the stupid countess. She was generally
silent, handsome, but pale, stolid-looking, and awk-
ward, taking no interest in the amusements of the
place, and appearing in the midst of the feasts as glum
as the death's head which, they say, the Romans used
to have at their tables.
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 237

It was rumoured tha a young gentleman of French

extraction, the Chevalier de Magny, equerry to the
reigning duke, and present at Paris when the Princess
Olivia was married to him by proxy there, was the in-
tended of the rich Countess Ida ; but no official decla-
ration of the kind was yet made, and there were whis-
pers of a dark intrigue, which, subsequently, received
frightful confirmation.
This Chevalier de Magny was the grandson of an
old general-officer in the duke's service, the Baron de
Magny. The baron's father had quitted France at the
expulsion of Protestants, after the revocation of the
edict of Nantes, and taken service in W——, where he
died. The son succeeded him, and quite unlike most
French gentlemen of birth whom I have known, was a
stern and cold Calvinist, rigid in the performance of
his duty, retiring in his manners, mingling little with
the court, and a close friend and favourite of Duke Vic-
tor, whom he resembled in disposition.
The chevalier, his son , was a true Frenchman ; he
had been born in France, where his father held a diplo-
matic appointment in the duke's service. He had min-
gled in the gay society of the most brilliant court in
the world, and had endless stories to tell us of the pleas-
ures of the petites maisons, of the secrets of the Parc
aux Cerfs, and of the wild gaieties of Richelieu and his
companions. He had been almost ruined at play, as
his father had been before him ; for, out of the reach of
238 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

the stern old baron in Germany, both son and grand-

son had led the most reckless of lives. He came back
from Paris soon after the embassy which had been
despatched thither on the occasion of the marriage of
the princess, was received sternly by his old grand-
father, who, however, paid his debts once more, and
procured him the post in the duke's household. The
Chevalier de Magny rendered himself a great favourite
of his august master ; he brought with him the modes
and the gaieties of Paris ; he was the deviser of all the
masquerades and balls, the recruiter of the ballet-dan-
cers, and by far the most brilliant and splendid young
gentleman ofthe court.
After we had been a few weeks at Ludwigslust, the
old Baron de Magny endeavoured to have us dismissed
from the duchy ; but his voice was not strong enough
to overcome that of the general public, and the Cheva-
lier de Magny especially stood our friend with his high-
ness when the question was debated before him. The
chevalier's love of play had not deserted him. He was
a regular frequenter of our bank, where he played for
some time with pretty good luck, and where, when he
began to lose, he paid with a regularity surprising to
all those who knew the smallness of his means, and the
splendour of his appearance.
Her highness the Princess Olivia was also very fond
of play. On half-a-dozen occasions when we held a
bank at court, I could see her passion for the game I
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 239

could see—that is, my cool-headed old uncle could see

-much more. There was an intelligence between
Monsieur de Magny and this illustrious lady. " If her
highness be not in love with the little Frenchman,”
my uncle said to me one night after play, " may I lose
the sight of my last eye !"
"And what then, sir ?" said I.
" What then ?" said my uncle, looking me hard in
the face. "Are you so green as not to know what
then ? Your fortune is to be made, if you choose to
back it now ; and we may have back the Barry estates
in two years, my boy."
" How is that ?" asked I, still at a loss.
My uncle dryly said, " Get Magny to play ; never
mind his paying ; take his notes of hand. The more
he owes the better ; but, above all, make him play."
" He can't pay a shilling," answered I. "The Jews
will not discount his notes at cent. per cent."
" So much the better. You shall see we will make
use of them," answered the old gentleman. And I
must confess that the plan he laid was a gallant, clever,
and fair one.
I was to make Magny play ; in this there was no
great difficulty. We had an intimacy together, for he
was a good sportsman as well as myself ; and we came
to have a pretty considerable friendship for one an-
other ; and, if he saw a dice-box, it was impossible to
240 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

prevent him from handling it ; but he took to it as

natural as a child does to sweetmeats.
At first he won of me ; then he began to lose ; then
I played him money against some jewels that he
brought, family trinkets, he said, and, indeed, of con-
siderable value. He begged me, however, not to dis-
pose of them in the duchy, and I gave and kept my
word to him to this effect. From jewels he got to play-
ing upon promissory notes ; and, as they would not al-
low him to play at the court tables and in public upon
credit, he was very glad to have an opportunity of in-
dulging his favourite passion upon credit ; and I have
had him for hours at my pavilion (which I had fitted
up in the Eastern manner, very splendid ) rattling the
dice till it became time to go to his service at court, and
we would spend day after day in this manner. He
brought me more jewels,-a pearl necklace, an antique
emerald breast ornament, and other trinkets, as a set-off
against these losses,-for I need not say that I should
not have played with him all this time had he been
winning ; but, after about a week, the luck set in against
him, and he became my debtor in a prodigious sum . I
do not care to mention the extent of it ; it was such as
I never thought the young man could pay.
Why, then, did I play for it ? why waste days in
private play with a mere bankrupt, when business seem-
ingly much more profitable was to be done elsewhere ?
My reason, I boldly confess. I wanted to win from
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 241

Monsieur de Magny not his money, but his intended

wife, the Countess Ida. Who can say that I had not a
right to use any stratagem in this matter of love ? Or,
why say love ? I wanted the wealth of the lady ; I
loved her quite as much as Magny did ; I loved her
quite as much as yonder blushing virgin of seventeen
does who marries an old lord of seventy. I followed
the practice of the world in this, having resolved that
marriage should achieve my fortune.
I used to make Magny, after his losses, give me a
friendly letter of acknowledgment to some such effect
as this,―

"My dear Monsieur de Balibari, I acknowledge to have lost

to you this day at lansquenet [or picquet, or hazard, as the case
may be : I was master of him at any game that is played] the
sum of three hundred ducats, and shall hold it as a great kind-
ness on your part if you will allow the debt to stand over until
a future day, when you shall receive payment from your very
grateful, humble servant."

With the jewels he brought me I also took the pre-

caution (but this was my uncle's idea, and a very good
one) to have a sort of invoice, and a letter begging me
to receive the trinkets as so much part payment of a
sum of money he owed me.
When I had put him in such a position as I deemed
favourable to my intentions, I spoke to him candidly,
and without any reserve, as one man of the world should
speak to another. " I will not, my dear fellow, said I,
11
242 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;
66
' pay you so bad a compliment as to suppose that you
expect we are to go on playing at this rate much longer,
and that there is any satisfaction to me in possessing
more or less sheets of paper bearing your signature, and
a series of notes of hand which I know you never can
pay. Don't look fierce or angry, for you know Red-
mond Barry is your master at the sword ; besides, I
would not be such a fool as to fight a man who owes
me so much money ; but hear calmly what I have to
propose.
"You have been very confidential to me during our
intimacy of the last month ; and I know all your per-
sonal affairs completely. You have given your word
of honour to your grandfather never to play upon pa-
role, and you know how you have kept it, and that he
will disinherit you if he hears the truth. Nay, suppose
he dies to-morrow, his estate is not sufficient to pay the
sum in which you are indebted to me ; and, were you
to yield me up all, you would be a beggar, and a bank-
rupt too.
"Her Highness the Princess Olivia denies you
nothing. I shall not ask why ; but give me leave to
say, I was aware of the fact when we began to play
together."
"Will you be made baron-chamberlain, with the
grand cordon of the order ?" gasped the poor fellow.
"The princess can do any thing with the duke."
" I shall have no objection," said I, " to the yellow
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 243

riband and the gold key ; though a gentleman of the

house of Ballybarry cares little for the titles of the Ger-
man nobility. But this is not what I want. My good
chevalier, you have hid no secrets from me. You have
told me with what difficulty you have induced the
Princess Olivia to consent to the project of your union
with the Gräfinn Ida, whom you don't love. I know
whom you love very well."
" Monsieur de Balibari !" said the discomfited chev-
alier ; he could get out no more. The truth began to
dawn upon him.
"You begin to understand," continued I. " Her
highness the princess (I said this in a sarcastic way)
will not be very angry, believe me, if you break off
your connexion with the stupid countess. I am no
more an admirer of that lady than you are ; but I
want her estate. I played you for that estate, and have
won it ; and I will give you your bills and five thou-
sand ducats on the day I am married to it."
" The day I am married to the countess," answered
the chevalier, thinking to have me, " I will be able to
raise money to pay your claim ten times over" (this
was true, for the countess's property may have been
valued at near half a million of our money) ; and then
I will discharge my obligations to you. Meanwhile, if
you annoy me by threats, or insult me again as you
have done, I will use that influence, which, as you say,
244 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

I possess, and have you turned out of the duchy, as

you were out of the Netherlands last year."
I rang the bell quite quietly. " Zamor," said I to
a tall negro fellow habited like a Turk, that used to
wait upon me, " when you hear the bell ring a second
time, you will take this packet to the marshal of the
court, this to his Excellency the General de Magny,
and this you will place in the hands of one of the
equerries of his highness the hereditary prince. Wait
in the anteroom, and do not go with the parcels until I
ring again."
The black fellow having retired, I turned to Mon-
sieur de Magny and said, " Chevalier, the first packet
contains a letter from you to me, declaring your sol-
vency, and solemnly promising payment of the sums
you owe me ; it is accompanied by a document from
myself (for I expected some resistance on your part),
stating that my honour has been called in question,
and begging that the paper may be laid before your
august master, his highness. The second packet is for
your grandfather, inclosing the letter from you in which
you state yourself to be his heir, and begging for a
confirmation of the fact. The last parcel for his high-
ness the hereditary duke," added I, looking most
sternly, “ contains the Gustavus Adolphus emerald,
which he gave to his princess, and which you pledged
to me as a family jewel of your own. Your influence
with her highness must be great indeed," I concluded,
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 245

"when you could extort from her such a jewel as that,

and when you could make her, in order to pay your
play-debts, give up a secret upon which both your
heads depend ."
" Villain !" said the Frenchman , quite aghast with
fury and terror, " would you implicate the princess ?"
" Monsieur de Magny," I answered with a sneer ;
" no, I will say you stole the jewel." It was my belief
he did, and that the unhappy and infatuated princess
was never privy to the theft until long after it had been
committed. How we came to know the history of the
emerald is simple enough. As we wanted money (for
my occupation with Magny caused our bank to be
much neglected), my uncle had carried Magny's trin-
kets to Mannheim to pawn . The Jew who lent upon
them knew the history of the stone in question ; and
when he asked how her highness came to part with it,
my uncle very cleverly took up the story where he
found it, said that the princess was very fond of play,
that it was not always convenient to her to pay, and
hence the emerald had come into our hands. He
brought it wisely back with him to S― ; and, as re-
gards the other jewels which the chevalier pawned to
us, they were of no particular mark ; no inquiries
have ever been made about them to this day ; and I
did not only not know then that they came from her
highness, but have only my conjectures upon the mat-
ter now.
246 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

The unfortunate young gentleman must have had a

cowardly spirit, when I charged him with the theft, not
to make use of my two pistols that were lying by chance
before him, and to send out of the world his accuser
and his own ruined self. With such imprudence and
miserable recklessness on his part and that of the un-
happy lady who had forgotten herself for this poor vil-
lain, he must have known that discovery was inevitable.
But it was written that his dreadful destiny should be
accomplished ; instead of ending like a man, he now
cowed before me quite spirit-broken, and, flinging him-
self down on the sofa, burst into tears, and calling wildly
upon all the saints to help him, as if they could be in-
terested in the fate of such a wretch as him !
I saw that I had nothing to fear from him ; and ,
calling back Zamor, my black, said I would myself
carry the parcels, which I returned to my escritoire ;
and, my point being thus gained, I acted, as I always
do, generously towards him. I said that, for security's
sake, I should send the emerald out of the country, but
that I pledged my honour to restore it to the duchess,
without any pecuniary consideration, on the day when
she should procure the sovereign's consent to my union
with the Countess Ida.
This will explain pretty clearly, I flatter myself, the
game I was playing ; and, though some rigid moralist
may object to its propriety, I say that any thing is fair
in love, and that men so poor as myself can't afford to
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 247

be squeamish about their means of getting on in life.

The great and rich are welcomed, smiling, up the grand
staircase of the world ; the poor but aspiring must
clamber up the wall, or push and struggle up the back
stair, or, pardi, crawl through any of the conduits of
the house, never mind how foul and narrow, that lead
to the top. The unambitious sluggard pretends that
the eminence is not worth attending, declines altoge-
ther the struggle, and calls himself a philosopher. I
say he is a poor-spirited coward. What is life good
for but for honour ? and that is so indispensable, that
we should attain it any how.

The manner to be adopted for Magny's retreat was

proposed by myself, and was arranged so as to consult
the feelings of delicacy of both parties. I made Magny
take the Countess Ida aside, and say to her, " Madam,
though I have never declared myself your admirer, you
and the count have had sufficient proof of my regard
for you ; and my demand would, I know, have been
backed by his highness, your august guardian. I know
the duke's gracious wish is, that my attentions should
be received favourably ; but, as time has not appeared
to alter your attachment elsewhere, and as I have too
much spirit to force a lady of your name and rank to
be united to me against your will, the best plan is, that
I should make you, for form's sake, a proposal unau-
thorised by his highness ; that you should reply, as I
248 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

am sorry to think your heart dictates to you, in the

negative on which I also will formally withdraw from
my pursuit of you, stating that, after a refusal, nothing,
not even the duke's desire, should induce me to persist
in my suit."
The Countess Ida almost wept at hearing these
words from Monsieur de Magny, and tears came into
her eyes, he said, as she took his hand for the first
time, and thanked him for the delicacy of the proposal.
She little knew that the Frenchman was incapable of
that sort of delicacy, and that the graceful manner in
which he withdrew his addresses was of my invention.
As soon as he withdrew, it became my business to
step forward, but cautiously and gently, so as not to
alarm the lady, and yet firmly, so as to convince her of
the hopelessness of her designs of uniting herself with
her shabby lover, the sub-lieutenant. The Princess
Olivia was good enough to perform this necessary part
of the plan in my favour, and solemnly to warn the
Countess Ida, that though Monsieur de Magny had re-
tired from paying his addresses, his highness, her guar-
dian, would still marry her as he thought fit, and that
she must for ever forget her out-at-elbowed adorer. In
fact, I can't conceive how such a shabby rogue as that
could ever have had the audacity to propose for her :
his birth was certainly good ; but what other qualifica-
tions had he ?
When the Chevalier de Magny withdrew, numbers
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 249

of other suitors, you may be sure, presented themselves ;

and amongst these your very humble servant, the cadet
of Ballybarry. There was a carrousel, or tournament,
held at this period, in imitation of the antique meetings
of chivalry, in which the chevaliers tilted at each other,
or at the ring ; and on this occasion I was habited in a
splendid Roman dress (viz. a silver helmet, a flowing
periwig, a cuirass of gilt leather richly embroidered, a
light blue velvet mantle, and crimson morocco half-
boots) ; and in this habit I rode my bay horse Brian,
and carried off three rings, and won the prize over all
the duke's gentry, and the nobility of surrounding
countries who had come to the show. A wreath of
gilded laurel was to be the prize of the victor, and it
was to be awarded by the lady he selected. So I rode
up to the gallery where the Countess Ida was seated
behind the hereditary princess, and, calling her name
loudly, yet gracefully, begged to be allowed to be
crowned by her, and thus proclaimed myself to the face
of all Germany, as it were, her suitor. She turned
very pale, and the princess red I observed ; but the
Countess Ida ended by crowning me ; after which, put-
ting spurs into my horse, I galloped round the ring,
saluting his highness the duke at the opposite end,
and performing the most wonderful exercises with my
bay.
My success did not, as you may imagine, increase
my popularity with the young gentry. They called
11 *
250 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

me adventurer, bully, dice-loader; impostor, and a hun-

dred pretty names ; but I had a way of silencing these
gentry. I took the Count de Schmetterling, the richest
and bravest of the young men who seemed to have a
hankering for the Countess Ida, and publicly insulted
him at the Ridotto, flinging my cards into his face.
The next day I rode thirty-five miles into the territory
of the Elector of B- and met Monsieur de Schmet-
terling, and passed my sword twice through his body ;
and rode back with my second, the Chevalier de Mag-
ny, and presented myself at the duchess's whist that
evening. Magny was very unwilling to accompany me
at first ; but I insisted upon his support, and that he
should countenance my quarrel. Directly after paying
my homage to her highness, I went up to the Coun-
tess Ida, and made her a marked and low obeisance,
gazing at her steadily in the face until she grew crim-
son red ; and then staring round at every man who
formed her circle, until, ma foi, I stared them all away.
I instructed Magny to say, every where, that the coun-
tess was madly in love with me ; which commission,
along with many others of mine, the poor devil was
obliged to perform. He made rather a sotte figure, as
the French say, acting the pioneer for me, praising me
every where, accompanying me always ; he who had
been the pink of the mode until my arrival ; he who
thought his pedigree of beggarly barons of Magny was
superior to the race of great Irish kings from which I
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 251

descended ; who had sneered at me a hundred times

as a spadassin, a deserter, and had called me a vulgar
Irish upstart. Now I had my revenge of the gentle-
man, and took it too.
I used to call him, in the choicest societies, by his
Christian name of Maxime. I would say, " Bon jour,
Maxime ; comment vas tu ?" in the princess's hearing,
and could see him bite his lips for fury and vexation .
But I had him under my thumb, and her highness too,
-I, poor private of Bulow's regiment. And this is a
proof of what genius and perseverance can do, and
should act as a warning to great people never to have
secrets, if they can help it.
I knew the princess hated me, but what did I care ?
She knew I knew all, and indeed I believe, so strong
was her prejudice against me, that she thought I was
an indelicate villain, capable of betraying a lady, which
I would scorn to do ; so that she trembled before me
as a child before his schoolmaster. She would, in her
woman's way, too, make all sorts of jokes and sneers
at me on reception days, and ask about my palace in
Ireland, and the kings, my ancestors, and whether,
when I was a private in Bulow's foot, my royal rela-
tives had interposed to rescue me, and whether the
cane was smartly administered there,-anything to
mortify me. But Heaven bless you ! I can make
allowances for people, and used to laugh in her face.
Whilst her gibes and jeers were continuing, it was my
252 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

pleasure to look at poor Magny and see how he bore

them . The poor devil was trembling lest I should
break out under the princess's sarcasms and tell all ;
but my revenge was when the princess attacked me
to say something bitter to him,-to pass it on as boys
do at school. And that was the thing which used to
make her highness feel. She would wince just as
much when I attacked Magny as if I had been saying
anything rude to herself. And, though she hated me,
she used to beg my pardon in private ; and though
her pride would often get the better of her, yet her
prudence obliged this magnificent princess to humble
herself to the poor penniless Irish boy.
As soon as Magny had formally withdrawn from
the Countess Ida, the princess took the young lady
into favour again, and pretended to be very fond of
her. To do them justice, I don't know which of the
two disliked me most, the princess, who was all
eagerness, and fire, and coquetry, or the countess, who
was all state and splendour. The latter, especially,
pretended to be disgusted by me ; and yet, after all,
I have pleased her betters, was once one of the hand-
somest men in Europe, and would defy any heyduc
of the court to measure a chest or a leg with me ; but
I did not care for any of her silly prejudices, and
determined to win her and wear her in spite of herself.
Was it on account of her personal charms or qualities ?
No. She was quite white, thin, short-sighted, tall, and
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 253

awkward, and my taste is quite the contrary ; and as

for her mind, no wonder that a poor creature who had
a hankering after a wretched ragged ensign could never
appreciate me. It was her estate I made love to ; as
for herself, it would be a reflection on my taste as a
man of fashion to own that I liked her.
254 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

CHAPTER XII.

IN WHICH THE LUCK GOES AGAINST BARRY.

My hopes of obtaining the hand of one of the richest

heiresses in Germany were now, as far as all human

probability went, and as far as my own merits and pru-

dence could secure my fortune, pretty certain of com-
pletion. I was admitted whenever I presented myself
at the princess's apartments, and had as frequent oppor-
tunities as I desired of seeing the Countess Ida there.
I cannot say that she received me with any particular
favour ; the silly young creature's affections were, as I
have said, engaged ignobly elsewhere ; and, however
captivating my own person and manners may have
been, it was not to be expected that she should all of
a sudden forget her lover for the sake of the young
Irish gentleman who was paying his addresses to her.
But such little rebuffs as I got were far from discourag-
ing me. I had very powerful friends, who were to aid
me in my undertaking ; and knew that, sooner or later,
the victory must be mine. In fact, I only waited my
time to press my suit. Who could tell the dreadful
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 255

stroke of fortune which was impending over my illus-

trious protectress, and which was to involve me par-
tially in her ruin ?
All things seemed for awhile quite prosperous to
my wishes ; and, in spite of the Countess Ida's disincli-
nation, it was much easier to bring her to her senses
than, perhaps, may be supposed in a silly, constitutional
country like England, where people are brought up
with those wholesome sentiments of obedience to roy-
alty, which were customary in Europe at the time when
I was a young man.
I have stated how, through Magny, I had the prin-
cess, as it were, at my feet. Her highness had only to
press the match upon the old duke, over whom her in-
fluence was unbounded, and to secure the good-will of
the Countess of Liliengarten (which was the romantic
title of his highness's Morganatic spouse), and the easy
old man would give an order for the marriage, which
his ward would perforce obey. Madame de Liliengar-
ten was too, from her position, extremely anxious to
oblige the Princess Olivia, who might be called upon
any day to occupy the throne. The old duke was tot-
tering, apoplectic, and exceedingly fond of good living.
When he was gone, his relict would find the patronage
of the Duchess Olivia most necessary to her. Hence
there was a close mutual understanding between the
two ladies, and the world said that the hereditary prin-
cess was already indebted to the favourite for help on
256 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

various occasions . Her highness had obtained through

the countess several large grants of money for the pay-
ment of her multifarious debts ; and she was now good
enough to exert her gracious influence over Madame de
Liliengarten in order to obtain for me the object so near
my heart. It is not to be supposed that my end was to
be obtained without continual unwillingness and refusals
on Magny's part, but I pushed my point resolutely and
had means in my hands of overcoming the stubborn-
ness of that feeble young gentleman. Also, I may say
without vanity, that if the high and mighty princess
detested me, the countess (though she was of extremely
low origin, it is said) had better taste and admired me.
She often did us the honour to go partners with us in
one of our faro banks, and declared that I was the
handsomest man in the duchy. All I was required to
prove was my nobility, and I got at Vienna such a
pedigree as would satisfy the most greedy in that way.
In fact, what had a man descended from the Barrys
and the Bradys to fear before any von in Germany ?
By way of making assurance doubly sure, I promised
Madame de Liliengarten ten thousand louis on the day
of my marriage, and she knew that as a playman I had
never failed in my word, and I vow, that had I paid fifty
per cent. for it, I would have got the money.
Thus by my talents, honesty, and acuteness, I had,
considering I was a poor patronless outcast, raised for
myself very powerful protectors. Even his Highness
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 257

the Duke Victor was favourably inclined to me, for, his

favourite charger falling ill of the staggers, I gave him
a ball such as my uncle Brady used to administer, and
cured the horse, after which his highness was pleased
to notice me frequently. He invited me to his hunting
and shooting parties, where I showed myself to be a
good sportsman, and once or twice he condescended to
talk to me about my prospects in life, lamenting that I
had taken to gambling, and that I had not adopted a
more regular means of advancement. " Sir," said I,
" if you will allow me to speak frankly to your high-
ness, play with me is only a means to an end. Where
should I have been without it ? A private still in King
Frederick's grenadiers. I come of a race which gave
princes to my country ; but persecutions have deprived
them of their vast possessions. My uncle's adherence
to his ancient faith drove him from our country. I too
resolved to seek advancement in the military service ;
but the insolence and ill-treatment which I received at
the hands of the English were not bearable by a high-
born gentleman, and I fled their service. It was only
to fall into another bondage to all appearance still more
hopeless, when my good star sent a preserver to me in
my uncle, and my spirit and gallantry enabled me to take
advantage of the means of escape afforded me. Since
then we have lived, I do not disguise it, by play ; but
who can say I have done him a wrong ? Yet, if I could

find myself in an honourable post, and with an assured

258 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

maintenance, I would never, except for amusement, such

as every gentleman must have, touch a card again. I
beseech your highness to inquire of your resident at
Berlin if I did not on every occasion act as a gallant
soldier. I feel that I have talents of a higher order, and
should be proud to have occasion to exert them, if, as I
do not doubt, my fortune shall bring them into play."
The candour of this statement struck his highness
greatly, and impressed him in my favour, and he was
pleased to say that he believed me, and would be glad
to stand my friend .
Having thus the two dukes, the duchess, and the
reigning favourite enlisted on my side, the chances cer-
tainly were that I should carry off the great prize ; and
I ought, according to all common calculations, to have
been a prince of the empire at this present writing, but
that my ill luck pursued me in a matter in which I was
not the least to blame, the unhappy duchess's attach-
ment to the weak, silly, cowardly Frenchman. The dis- •
play of this love was painful to witness, as its end was
frightful to think of. The princess made no disguise of
it. If Magny spoke a word to a lady of her household,
she would be jealous, and attack with all the fury of
her tongue the unlucky offender. She would send him
a half-dozen of notes in the day : at his arrival to join
her circle or the courts which she held, she would
brighten up, so that all might perceive.
It was a won-
der that her husband had not long ere this been made
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 259

aware of her faithlessness, but the Prince Victor was

himself of so high and stern a nature that he could not
believe in her stooping so far from her rank as to forget
her virtue ; and I have heard say, that when hints were
given to him of the evident partiality which the prin-
cess showed for the equerry, his answer was a stern com-
mand never more to be troubled on the subject. "The
princess is light- minded," he said, " she was brought
up at a frivolous court ; but her folly goes not beyond
coquetry, crime is impossible ; she has her birth, and
my name, and her children, to defend her." And he
would ride off to his military inspections and be absent
for weeks, or retire to his suite of apartments, and re-
main closeted there whole days, only appearing to
make a bow at her highness's levée, or to give her his
hand at the court galas, where ceremony required that
he should appear. He was a man of vulgar tastes, and
I have seen him in the private garden, with his great
ungainly figure, running races, or playing at ball with
his little son and daughter, whom he would find a
dozen pretexts daily for visiting. The serene children
were brought to their mother every morning at her
toilette, but she received them very indifferently, except
on one occasion, when the young Duke Ludwig got his
little uniform as colonel of hussars, being presented
with a regiment by his godfather, the Emperor Leo-
pold. Then, for a day or two, the Duchess Olivia was
charmed with the little boy ; but she grew tired of him
260 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

speedily, as a child does of a toy. I remember one

day, in the morning-circle, some of the princess's rouge
came off on the arm of her son's little white military
jacket ; on which she slapped the poor child's face, and
sent him sobbing away. Oh the woes that have been

worked by women in this world ! the misery into

which men have lightly stepped with smiling faces,
often not even with the excuse of passion, but from
mere foppery, vanity, and bravado ! Men play with
these dreadful two-edge tools, as if no harm could come
to them . I, who have seen more of life than most
men, if I had a son, would go on my knees to him and
beg him to avoid woman, who is worse than poison .
Once intrigue, and your whole life is endangered ; you
never know when the evil may fall upon you, and the
woe of whole families, and the ruin of innocent people
perfectly dear to you, may be caused by a moment of
your folly.
When I saw how entirely lost the unlucky Mon-
sieur de Magny seemed to be, in spite of all the claims
I had against him, I urged him to fly. He had rooms
in the palace, in the garrets over the princess's quarters
(the building was a huge one, and accommodated
almost a city of noble retainers of the family) ; but the
infatuated young fool would not budge, although he
had not even the excuse of love for staying. "How she
squints," he would say of the princess, " and how
crooked she is ! She thinks no one can perceive her
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 261

deformity. She writes me verses out of Gresset or

Crébillon, and fancies I believe them to be original.
Bah ! they are no more her own than her hair is !"
It was in this way that the wretched lad was dancing
over the ruin that was yawning under him. I do be-
lieve, that his chief pleasure in making love to the
princess was, that he might write about his victories
to his friends of the petites maisons at Paris, where he
longed to be considered as a wit and a vainqueur de
dames.
Seeing the young man's recklessness, and the dan-
ger of his position, I became very anxious that my little
scheme should be brought to a satisfactory end, and
pressed him warmly on the matter.
My solicitations with him were, I need not say,
from the nature of the connection between us, generally
pretty successful ; and , in fact, the poor fellow could
refuse me nothing, as I used often laughingly to say to
him, very little to his liking. But I used more than
threats, or the legitimate influence I had over him. I
used delicacy and generosity ; as a proof of which, I
may mention that I promised to give back to the
princess the family emerald, which I mentioned in the
last chapter, that I had won from her unprincipled ad-
mirer at play .
This was done by my uncle's consent, and was one
of the usual acts of prudence and foresight which dis-
tinguish that clever man. " Press the matter now,
262 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Redmond, my boy," he would urge. " This affair

between her highness and Magny must end ill for
both of them, and that soon, and where will be your
chance to win the countess then ? Now is your time !
win her and wear her before the month is over, and we
will give up the punting business, and go live like
noblemen at our castle in Swabia. Get rid of that
emerald, too," he added ; " should an accident happen,
it will be an ugly deposit found in our hand." This it
was that made me agree to forego the possession of
the trinket, which, I must confess, I was loth to part
with. It was lucky for us both that I did, as you shall
presently hear.
Meanwhile, then, I urged Magny : I myself spoke
strongly to the Countess of Liliengarten, who promised
formally to back my claim with his highness the reign-
ing duke ; and Monsieur de Magny was instructed to
induce the Princess Amalia to make a similar applica-
tion to the old sovereign in my behalf. It was done.
The two ladies urged the prince ; his highness (at a sup-
per of oysters and champagne) was brought to consent,
and her highness the hereditary princess did me the
honour of notifying personally to the Countess Ida that
it was the prince's will that she should marry the
young Irish nobleman, the Chevalier Redmond de Bali-
bari. The notification was made in my presence ; and
though the young countess said " Never !" and fell
down in a swoon at her lady's feet, I was, you may be
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 263

sure, entirely unconcerned at this little display of mawk-

ish sensibility, and felt, indeed, now that my prize was
secure. •
That evening I gave the Chevalier de Magny the
emerald, which he promised to restore to the princess ;
and now the only difficulty in my way lay with the
hereditary prince, of whom his father, his wife, and the
favourite, were alike afraid. He might not be disposed
to allow the richest heiress in his duchy to be carried
off by a noble, though not a wealthy foreigner. Time
was necessary in order to break the matter to Prince
Victor. The princess must find him at some moment
of good humour. He had days of infatuation still,
when he could refuse his wife nothing ; and our plan
was to wait for one of these, or for any other chance
which might occur.
But it was destined that the princess should never
see her husband at her feet, as often as he had been.
Fate was preparing a terrible ending to her follies, and
my own hope. In spite of his solemn promises to me,
Magny never restored the emerald to the Princess
Amalia.
He had heard, in casual intercourse with me, that my
uncle and I had been beholden to Mr. Moses Löwe, the
banker of Heidelberg, who had given us a good price
for our valuables ; and the infatuated young man took
a pretext to go thither, and offered the jewel for pawn.
Moses Löwe recognised the emerald at once, gave
264 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

Magny the sum the latter demanded, which the cheva-

lier lost presently at play ; never, you may be sure, ac-
quainting us with the means by which he had made him-
self master of so much capital. We, for our parts, sup-
posed that he had been supplied by his usual banker,
the princess ; and many rouleaux of his gold pieces
found their way into our treasury, when, at the court
galas, at our own lodgings, or at the apartments of
Madame de Liliengarten (who on these occasions did
us the honour to go halves with us) we held our bank
of faro.
Thus Magny's money was very soon gone. But
though the Jew held his jewel, of thrice the value, no
doubt, of the sums he had lent upon it, that was not
all the profit which he intended to have from his un-
happy creditor, over whom he began speedily to exer-
cise his authority. His Hebrew connexions at W-
money-brokers, bankers, horse-dealers, about the court
there, must have told their Heidelberg brother what
Magny's relations with the princess were ; and the ras-
cal determined to take advantage of these, and to press
to the utmost both victims. My uncle and I were,
meanwhile, swimming upon the high tide of fortune,
prospering with our cards, and with the still greater
matrimonial game which we were playing ; and we
were quite unaware of the mine under our feet.
Before a month was passed , the Jew began to pes-
ter Magny. He presented himself at W , and
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY. 265

asked for further interest- hush-money, otherwise he

must sell the emerald. Magny got money for him ;
the princess again befriended her dastardly lover. The
success of the first demand only rendered the second
more exorbitant. I know not how much money was
extorted and paid on this unlucky emerald ; but it was
the cause of the ruin of us all.

One night we were keeping our table as usual at

the Countess of Liliengarten's, and Magny being in cash
somehow kept drawing out rouleau after rouleau, and
playing with his common ill-success. In the middle of
the play a note was brought in to him, which he read,
and turned very pale on perusing ; but the luck was
against him, and, looking up rather anxiously at the
clock, he waited for a few more turns of the cards, and
having, I suppose, lost his last rouleau, he got up with
a wild oath that scared some of the polite company
assembled, and left the room. A great trampling of
horses was heard without, but we were too much en-
gaged with our business to heed the noise, and con-
tinued our play.
Presently some one came into the play-room and
said to the countess, " Here is a strange story ! A
Jew has been murdered in the Kaiserwald. Magny
was arrested when he went out of the room." All the
party broke up hearing this strange news, and we shut
up our bank for the night. Magny had been sitting
12
266 THE LUCK OF BARRY LYNDON ;

by me during the play (my uncle dealt, and I paid and

took the money) , and , looking under the chair there
was a crumpled paper, which I took up and read. It
was that which had been delivered to him, and ran
thus :-

"6
If you have done it, take the orderly's horse who brings this.
It is the best of my stable. There are a hundred louis in each
holster, and the pistols are loaded. Either course lies open to
you ; you know what I mean. In a quarter of an hour I shall
know our fate- whether I am to be dishonoured and survive you,
whether you are guilty and a coward, or whether you are still
worthy ofthe name of M."

This was in the hand-writing of the old General de

Magny ; and my uncle and I, as we walked home at
night, having made and divided with the Countess
Liliengarten no inconsiderable profits that night, felt
our triumphs greatly dashed by the perusal of the
letter. " Has Magny," we asked, " robbed the Jew, or
has his intrigue been discovered ?" In either case, my
claims on the Countess Ida were likely to meet with
serious drawbacks ; and I began to feel that my “ great
card" was played, and perhaps lost.
Well it was lost ; though I say, to this day, it was
well and gallantly played . After supper (which we
never, for fear of consequences, took during play) , I be-
came so agitated in my mind as to what was occurring,
that I determined to sally out about midnight into the
town, and inquire what was the real motive of Magny's
 A ROMANCE OF THE LAST CENTURY . 267

apprehension . A sentry was at the door, and signified

to me that I and my uncle were under arrest.
We were left in our quarters for six weeks so
closely watched that escape was impossible, had we de-
sired it ; but, as innocent men, we had nothing to fear.
Our course of life was open to all, and we desired and
courted inquiry. Great and tragical events happened
during those six weeks, of which, though we heard the
outline, as all Europe did, when we were released from
our captivity we were yet far from understanding all
the particulars, which were not much known to me for
many years after. Here they are as they were told me
by the lady, who of all the world, perhaps, was most
likely to know them . But the narrative had best form
the contents of another chapter.

1657

END OF VOL. I.
A
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