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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
GLOSSARY
wedding anniversary – the month and day that two people were married on,
which is celebrated every year after the wedding
* Aggie and Jacob have been married for three years and celebrate their
wedding anniversary on April 27.
vacuum cleaner – a machine that sucks dirt off the floor; a machine that cleans
the floor by using suction to pull dirt away from it
* The vacuum cleaner broke and we can’t vacuum the dirty carpet until it’s fixed.
point – message; the important fact or part that one is supposed to focus on
* The student did not understand the point of the book and misunderstood what
the writer was trying to say.
upset – unhappy; feeling anger and sadness
* When the concert Cordelia wanted to go to was suddenly cancelled, she felt
very upset.
romantic – passionate; showing love through kindness, emotion, and special
actions
* Terrance was very romantic and enjoyed surprising his girlfriend with
handwritten love notes, poems, and bouquets of flowers.
to let (someone) down – to disappoint someone; to fail at doing something that
someone else expects or wants one to do
* When Lavonne forgot to go to her son’s piano recital after promising to be
there, she really let him down.
the mark of – the sign of; evidence that one can see which suggests the
existence of something
* Being able to share one’s secrets and dreams with someone else is the mark of
a close friendship.
in my book – in my opinion; by my definition
* People may not agree with me, but in my book, it’s rude to not say “thank you”
after receiving a gift.
idealized – expecting something to be perfect; thinking of the perfect way
something could be instead of how that thing actually is
* The story Omar told his family was an idealized version of how he and his
girlfriend met.
1
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
chick flick – movies appealing to women, which often include ideal or perfect
versions of romance
* Eva went with her two best friends to see the new chick flick because her
husband did not like watching romance movies.
romance novel – books about ideal or perfect romance, usually read by women;
books with fictional (not true) stories about love
* Tricia did not know much about real romance because she was too focused on
the relationships she read about in romance novels.
to get into the head of – to know what someone else is thinking or feeling
* Ferdinand tried to get into the head of his best friend to determine why his
friend was so angry.
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. – a saying used to describes
how men and women are very different, with different ways of thinking, behaving,
and feeling
* After Marcie and Lawrence could not agree on who was right, they agreed to
disagree, saying that the misunderstanding could not be avoided because men
are from Mars and women are from Venus.
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
CULTURE NOTE
What a Guy Wants in His Future Wife
In 2012, the New York Times published a list of the 18 “traits” (characteristics)
that men most want in a woman they’d like to marry. What’s interesting is how
this list of 18 things compares to a similar list from more than 70 years ago, 1939.
Some things are the same, but a few things are very different now compared to
earlier “generations” (time periods).
Here’s the list from 2008, and in parentheses, is where this trait “ranked”
(appeared on the list) in 1939:
- “Mutual attraction” (each person likes the other) and love (#4)
- “Dependable character” (reliable personality) (#1)
- “Emotional stability” (behaves reasonably) and “maturity” (acts like an
adult, not a child) (#2)
- Education, intelligence (#11)
- “Pleasing disposition” (good personality; nice) (#3)
- “Sociability” (easy to talk to; relates well to others) (#12)
- Good health (#5)
- “Good looks” (physically attractive) (#14)
- Desire for home, children (#6)
- “Ambition, industriousness” (wants to achieve good things and works
hard) (#9)
- “Refinement, neatness” (sophistication and not messy) (#7)
- “Good financial prospect” (can make a lot of money) (#17)
- Good cook, housekeeper (takes care of the home) (#8)
- Similar education background (#15)
- Favorable “social status” (from a “good” family or well-respected group)
(#16)
- Similar religious background (#13)
- Similar political background (#18)
- “Chastity” (not sexually active prior to marriage) (#10)
Four of the top five qualities are the same in 2008 as they were in 1939, although
they have changed somewhat in importance. A man still wants a woman who is
mature, stable, dependable, and who loves him as much as he loves her.
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT
Welcome to English as a Second Language Podcast number 41 – Understanding
Men and Women.
This is English as a Second Language Podcast episode 41. I'm your host, Dr.
Jeff McQuillan, coming to you from the Center for Educational Development in
beautiful Los Angeles, California.
In this episode, we're going to discuss relationships. Let’s get started.
[start of dialogue]
Lucy: Jeff, here's a question. I was just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their
first wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a
present.
Jeff: I don't know. What?
Lucy: He gave her a vacuum cleaner.
Jeff: Didn't she want a vacuum cleaner?
Lucy: Yes, the old one was broken, but that's not the point! It was their wedding
anniversary, their first one. Dawn was really upset that he wasn't more romantic.
He really let her down.
Jeff: Oh, great. Women are always saying that men aren't romantic. But we are!
Just not in the way that women want.
Lucy: What do you mean?
Jeff: It's a man's job to protect his wife and family. When something goes wrong,
they want to fix it. That's the mark of a good husband.
Lucy: I can see that, but that's not romantic in my book.
Jeff: That's because you women have this idealized view of romance that you get
from a lifetime of watching chick flicks and reading romance novels. Even if a
man wanted to, he could never get into the head of a woman and guess what
she wanted. That's why women have to just tell us what they want.
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
Lucy: That's the problem. We women think men should just know what we want,
without us having to tell them; that is, if the man really loved and understood us.
That's why we don't want to tell you. But I see your point, too.
Jeff: So, I guess it's really true. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Lucy: Yeah, that's what makes life interesting, right?
[end of dialogue]
In this episode, Lucy and I talked about men and women and how they
understand or misunderstand each other – that is, not understand each other.
Lucy began by saying, “Jeff, here's a question.” That expression “Here’s a
question” means “I want to ask you a question.” It's a way of introducing – we
might say “prefacing” – a question. It's letting the other person know that you are
going to ask them a question. Lucy said that she “was just talking to Dawn.” She
was recently talking to Dawn. When we say we are “just doing” something, we
were recently, or right before this, doing something.
She said that Dawn and her husband were having their first “wedding
anniversary.” “Wedding” (wedding) is, of course, when people get married, and
“anniversary” is when you celebrate every year, usually on that same day. So, if
you get married on May first, you celebrate each anniversary on May first in the
following years. My parents were married on May first. Lucy explained that
Dawn's husband gave her a vacuum cleaner for their first wedding anniversary. A
“vacuum (vacuum) cleaner” is what you use to get dirt out of a carpet or a rug.
Usually, it's electric. The vacuum cleaner, Lucy thought, is not a good gift for a
wedding anniversary. Hmm, that's funny.
I asked Lucy if Dawn wanted one, and Lucy responded, or said in reply to me,
“That's not the point.” “That's not the point” means that's not what's important.
That's not what she meant. That wasn't what I was thinking of. The “point” (point)
of something is either the reason for something or the meaning of something. We
often say, “The point is, I want you to do something,” such as go to the store,
meaning “What I'm really trying to say is” or “What I really mean is this.”
Lucy said that her friend Dawn “was really upset.” “To be upset” (upset) means to
be angry, to be mad, to be bothered by something. She was upset because her
husband “wasn't more romantic.” “To be romantic” (romantic) means to be loving
of your husband, wife, girlfriend, or boyfriend. “Romance” refers to a love
between two people. I, for example, am very romantic with my wife, but just don't
ask her about that.
5
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
Anyway, Lucy said that Dawn's husband “really let her down.” “To let someone
down” is a phrasal verb that means to disappoint them, to do something that they
didn't or don't like. They were expecting one thing and you did something else.
For example, I was supposed to meet my friend last night at 6:00 p.m., but I
forgot about it. I let down my friend, or I let my friend down. In either case, it
means I didn't do what I was supposed to do or what he expected me to do.
I then used the expression, “Oh, great.” “To be great” usually means to be very
good, to be wonderful, to be the best. But when we use an expression with that
sort of intonation, with that sort of sound in our voice – “Oh, great” – we’re really
saying, “That's terrible. That's bad.” It's just the opposite of what you would think
the meaning of great would be in this case.
In a way, we’re using it sarcastically. We are trying to use it in a different way
from the way it is normally used in order to either be funny or to communicate a
different message to the person, to say something different. Somebody says,
“Oh, great. My car broke down.” This person doesn't actually mean they're happy
that the car doesn't work. They mean the opposite. They mean it's bad news. It
all depends on the way you say it. “Oh great” means something bad. “Oh, great!”
means something good.
I said to Lucy that men are romantic, but they're not romantic in a way that
women want. Lucy asked me what I meant, and I tried to explain that many men
see their job in the family as protecting or taking care of the wife and the family,
and that this was a mark of a good husband. The expression “a mark” or “the
mark” (mark) of a good husband means that it's a sign of a good husband. It's an
indication of a good husband. You can use this expression, “the mark of”
something, with lots of different situations. You could say, “The mark of a good
actor is that he can remember all of his dialogue,” or his “lines” as we call them in
a movie or in a play. “The mark of,” then, means the quality or characteristic of
something.
Lucy said that she could understand my point – that is, my meaning – but that
what I was calling romantic was not romantic in her book. The expression “in my
book” or “in your book” or “in her book” does not mean a book that you own and
read. We’re not talking about that kind of book. Instead, we're talking about my
way of seeing the world, according to my way of thinking, the way I see things, or
the way I view things. For example, “In my book, it's better to exercise early in the
morning so that you have time to do it before you go to work.” “In my book” here
means in my opinion, in my view – the way I view things.
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
I said to Lucy that women have an “idealized view of romance.” “Idealized”
(idealized) would be the perfect situation. Something that is idealized would be
something in the best possible situation. Usually we use it, however, to mean
unrealistic or impossible to actually do or achieve. When someone says to you,
“Well, that's an idealized view of” something, they mean that that particular way
of looking at things would only be possible in a perfect world. It can't really be
possible for the average person, say.
I then used the expression “chick flicks” and “romance novels.” A “chick (chick)
flick (flick)” is an informal expression. It refers to the kinds of movies that women
like, often romantic movies. The word “chick” refers to a woman or a girl.
However, it's not a very nice word. Many women and girls might not like it if you
use that word with them. So, it's probably one you should not use. A “flick” is a
movie. So, a “chick flick” would be a movie for women and girls.
A “romance novel” is a novel that is about a romantic relationship between two
people who love each other. However, the term “romance novel” refers to a
specific kind of book that is popular mostly with women, about the romantic
relationship of the main characters. There’s usually a very beautiful woman and a
very handsome or good-looking man in the story. I said to Lucy that “a man could
never get into the head of a woman.” “To get into someone's head” means to
understand her point of view, to understand her opinion, to understand how she
views the world.
Lucy says, however, that if men really loved women and really understood them,
women would not have to tell men what they want. She uses the expression “that
is.” She says, “That is, if the man really loved and understood us.” The
expression “that is” is very common in conversation. It means I'm going to give
you more of an explanation. I'm going to tell you a little bit more about what I just
said. I'm going to try to make it clear. For example, I could say to someone,
“Podcasting involves RSS syndication; that is, it's a network that goes out over
the Internet.” “That is” is used to say, “Let me explain a little more” or “I will say it
in a different way, perhaps a way that you'll understand better.”
I end the dialogue by saying, “Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.”
That’s actually the title of a very popular book about men and women and
relationships. It was very popular, at least, in the 1990s: Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus. The idea is that they basically come from different
planets. They see everything very differently, and that's why they don't
understand each other. I actually read part of the book. I think he was right about
a lot of things, the author. Of course, it was written by a man. Remember that
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
opinions in these dialogues are not necessarily the opinions of the people who
are speaking the lines.
Now let's listen to the dialogue, this time at a normal speed.
[start of dialogue]
Lucy: Jeff, here's a question. I was just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their
first wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a
present.
Jeff: I don't know. What?
Lucy: He gave her a vacuum cleaner.
Jeff: Didn't she want a vacuum cleaner?
Lucy: Yes, the old one was broken, but that's not the point! It was their wedding
anniversary, their first one. Dawn was really upset that he wasn't more romantic.
He really let her down.
Jeff: Oh, great. Women are always saying that men aren't romantic. But we are!
Just not in the way that women want.
Lucy: What do you mean?
Jeff: It's a man's job to protect his wife and family. When something goes wrong,
they want to fix it. That's the mark of a good husband.
Lucy: I can see that, but that's not romantic in my book.
Jeff: That's because you women have this idealized view of romance that you get
from a lifetime of watching chick flicks and reading romance novels. Even if a
man wanted to, he could never get into the head of a woman and guess what
she wanted. That's why women have to just tell us what they want.
Lucy: That's the problem. We women think men should just know what we want,
without us having to tell them; that is, if the man really loved and understood us.
That's why we don't want to tell you. But I see your point, too.
Jeff: So, I guess it's really true. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
These materials are copyrighted by the Center for Educational Development (2012). Posting of
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ESL Podcast 41 – Understanding Men and Women
Lucy: Yeah, that's what makes life interesting, right?
[end of dialogue]
Thanks to our amazing script writer, Dr. Lucy Tse, for all of her hard work, and
thanks to you for listening.
From Los Angeles, California, I'm Jeff McQuillan. Come back and listen to us
again here on ESL Podcast.
English as a Second Language Podcast was written and produced by Dr. Lucy
Tse, hosted by Dr. Jeff McQuillan. Copyright 2006 by the Center for Educational
Development.
These materials are copyrighted by the Center for Educational Development (2012). Posting of
these materials on another website or distributing them in any way is prohibited.
