777867

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JFIXXX10.1177/0192513X18777867Journal of Family IssuesPoustie et al.

Article
Journal of Family Issues
2018, Vol. 39(12) 3298­–3323
The Forgotten Parent: © The Author(s) 2018
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DOI: 10.1177/0192513X18777867
https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X18777867
Perspective of Parental journals.sagepub.com/home/jfi

Alienation

Clare Poustie1, Mandy Matthewson1 ,

and Sian Balmer1

Abstract
This study investigated the targeted parent experience of parental alienation
and alienating behaviors. One hundred and twenty-six targeted parents
provided narratives in response to an open-ended question at the end of an
online survey. Braun and Clarke’s (2006) thematic analysis framework was
used to identify themes in the data. Six themes were identified illustrating
targeted parents’ experience of parental alienation and alienating behaviors.
Targeted parents described physical and emotional distance separating
them from their child, emotional and financial costs associated with their
engagement with “systems” such as legal systems and child protection
systems. They described poor mental health and concern for their child’s
psychological well-being. Targeted parents considered alienating behaviors
to be a form of family violence. Additionally, targeted parents used active
coping behaviors. It was concluded that further research is needed to better
understand parental alienation. Mental health and legal professionals must
collaborate to optimize support for targeted parents.

Keywords
parental alienation, targeted parent, alienated parent, family violence,
alienated family

1University of Tasmania, Tasmania, Australia

Corresponding Author:
Mandy Matthewson, School of Medicine, Division of Psychology, University of Tasmania,
Private Bag 30, Hobart, Tasmania 7001, Australia.
Email: [email protected]
Poustie et al. 3299

Parental alienation occurs when a child aligns with one parent and partakes in
a campaign of unjustified denigration against the other, once-loved parent
(Baker & Andre, 2008; Gardner, 2002). For various reasons, the aligned par-
ent teaches their child to dislike the other parent, experience fear when they
are around that parent, and to avoid having contact with them (Darnall, 2011).
These behaviors can be referred to as alienating behaviors. In present study,
the term “parental alienation” is used to refer to a process in which a child is
alienated from the targeted parent as a consequence of the alienating behav-
iors of the aligned or alienating parent. Parental alienation differs from
estrangement, which occurs when a child rejects a parent on reasonable
grounds, such as in response to neglect (Garber, 2011).
To date, the literature has largely focused on conceptualizing parental
alienation—debating the notion of a diagnosable syndrome or developing
models to extrapolate the phenomenon rather than focusing on the lived expe-
rience of parental alienation (e.g., Bernet & Baker, 2013; Drozd & Olesen,
2010; Lowenstein, 2013; Meier, 2009, 2010; Pepiton, Alvis, Allen, & Logid,
2012; Walker & Shapiro, 2010). The research into the subjective experience of
parental alienation has primarily explored the behaviors of the alienating par-
ent (e.g., Baker, 2005, 2006; Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Garber, 2011; Kopetski,
1998; Rand, 1997) and the perspective of the targeted child (e.g., Baker, 2005,
2006; Baker & Chambers, 2011; Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012; Godbout & Parent,
2012; Hands & Warshak, 2011; Johnston, 2003; Kelly & Johnston, 2001).
In relation to the experience and characteristics of targeted parents, some
studies have identified common emotional outcomes for targeted parents
such as stress, frustration, loss, fear, and helplessness (Baker & Andre, 2008;
Baker & Darnall, 2006; Schwartz, 2015; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).
Baker and Fine (2014) provided the narratives of 11 targeted parents who
described enduring anguish over the loss of their children and uncertainty
about the outcome of their predicament. These findings are consistent with
Vassiliou and Cartwright (2001) who examined the emotional outcomes of
six targeted parents. These parents reported feelings of powerlessness leading
to further difficulties in the targeted parent–child relationship such as diffi-
culty responding to the child’s emotional state and defiant behavior. This in
turn perpetuated the parental alienation (Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).
Furthermore, targeted parents’ feelings of dissatisfaction with both the men-
tal health and legal services involved has been well documented in the litera-
ture (e.g., Baker, 2010; Baker & Darnall, 2006, 2007; Baker & Fine, 2014;
Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001). Another study (N = 10) focused on targeted
mothers and highlighted the trauma that ensues when a mother is alienated
from her child (Finzi-Dottan, Goldblatt, & Cohen-Masica, 2012). It has been
contended that the trauma of the alienation experience can in itself perpetuate
3300 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

the alienation process, as the targeted parent responds passively and tries to
cope with their child’s rejection by withdrawing. This withdrawal is then
misinterpreted by the child as disinterest (Fidler & Bala, 2010; Godbout &
Parent, 2012; Schwartz, 2015). Conversely, the targeted parent may cope in
maladaptive ways and consequently appear as culpable as the alienating par-
ent (Fidler & Bala, 2010; Schwartz, 2015).
Various studies have highlighted common traits of the targeted parent such
as impatience, rigidity, emotional distance, skill-deficiency, narcissism,
anger, and avoidance (e.g., Baker & Andre, 2008; Friedlander & Walters,
2010; Godbout & Parent, 2012; Johnston, 2003; Kelly & Johnston, 2001;
Lamminen, 2013). Baker and Andre (2008) highlighted the necessity of
simultaneously acknowledging the pain and loss experienced by the targeted
parent without blaming them for the situation, as well as acknowledging
areas in which they can improve their parenting skills.
It is important to note that the data gathered so far about targeted parents has
often originated from sources other than the targeted parent themselves, such as
the targeted child and legal or mental health professionals (e.g., Bow, Gould, &
Flens, 2009; Lund, 1995; Viljoen & van Rensburg, 2014). Furthermore, previ-
ous literature has provided single case studies, case series, or clinician’s experi-
ences of working with targeted parents. As such, these descriptions may be
incomplete in painting the picture of the targeted parent experience of parental
alienation. Furthermore, the research exploring the targeted parent perspective
has methodological limitations including small sample sizes, which makes it
difficult to generalize the findings (Baker & Andre, 2008; Friedlander &
Walters, 2010; Godbout & Parent, 2012; Johnston, 2003; Kelly & Johnston,
2001; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001). Furthermore, no study to date has
explored the perspective of targeted parents in a large international sample and
thematically analyzed the collective findings.
To this end, this study explored the lived experiences of a large interna-
tional sample of targeted parents postseparation from the alienating parent in
order to better understand the perspective of this underresearched population.
The current research is exploratory rather than hypothesis testing and seeks
to further investigate the experience of the targeted parent postseparation
from the alienating parent (Hesse-Biber, 2010).

Method
Participants
Qualitative data provided at the end of an online survey about the targeted
parent experience of parental alienation and alienating behaviors were
Poustie et al. 3301

obtained from 126 respondents. Participants were parents of a child from

whom they were alienated at the time of completing the survey. Respondents’
were male (n = 59) and female (n = 67), between the ages of 25 and 68 years
residing in various countries: Australia (n = 44), Belgium (n = 1), Canada
(n = 12), India (n = 1), Ireland (n = 2), New Zealand (n = 3), United Kingdom
(n = 3), and the United States (n = 60). Further details pertaining to the char-
acteristics of the parents who completed the survey can be seen in Balmer,
Matthewson, and Haines (2018).

Materials
Materials used in this study included an online survey. The online survey
included 13 researcher developed sociodemographic questions pertaining to
the context in which parental alienation occurred as well as to determine
common characteristics among the participants. The survey also measured
the targeted parents’ recall of exposure to alienating behaviors via a 13 items
measure also developed by the researchers. Published measures included in
the survey were as follows: The Stress Appraisal Measure (SAM; Peacock &
Wong, 1990), the Depression, Anxiety, and Stress Scale (Lovibond &
Lovibond, 1995), the Parenting Sense of Competence Scale (PSCS), and the
Parent–Child Relationship Inventory (PCRI; Gerard, 1994). Further details
about the survey can be seen in Balmer et al. (2018).

Procedure
Ethics approval was obtained from the University of Tasmania’s Social
Sciences Human Research Ethics Committee. The research was advertised
via consenting private psychology and legal practices and nongovernment
organizations providing assistance to parents experiencing parental alien-
ation. To obtain an international sample, an international online support
group for people experiencing parental alienation also advertised the study
on the researchers’ behalf. The recruitment advertisement asked potential
participants to contact the researchers or complete the survey via a web
link if they had ever been isolated from their child or children because
their ex-partner had made it difficult for them to see their child or children.
At the start of the survey, participants were presented with further informa-
tion about the nature of the study and who was eligible to complete the
survey.
The online survey was conducted via LimeSurvey (Schmitz, 2015). It took
approximately 1 hour to complete. Responses to the last item on the survey
3302 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

were coded and analyzed for this study. The last item at the end of the survey
read:

This last section is to give you an opportunity to add any further comments or
information you wish to share with us that you think might be beneficial in
helping us better understand your circumstances in being alienated from your
child or children. Please do not include any information that could potentially
identify you or anybody else involved in your situation (including the alienating
parent, your current partner, any of your children, or anyone providing you
with support, e.g., your psychologist, lawyer, etc.).

One hundred and twenty-six of the 225 participants who completed the
completed the survey responded to this question. These self-identified tar-
geted parents provided detailed narratives of their experience of parental
alienation and alienating behaviors in response to this question. To this end,
the responses to this question is the focus of the current study. The narra-
tives provided in response to this question have been treated as true experi-
ences of targeted parents; however, it is possible that the participants in this
study may be estranged from their children. An analysis of results from the
quantitative items on the survey can be seen in Balmer et al. (2018).

Data Analysis
Responses to the last item on the survey were thematically analyzed. Thematic
analysis is a flexible method where the researcher analyses qualitative data
from an open-ended start point, conducts a thorough thematic investigation of
the entire data set and takes an inductive approach—guided by the data rather
than a preestablished hypothesis (Braun & Clarke, 2006; Hansen, 2006;
Holloway & Todres, 2003; Saladana, 2009). In other words, the data drives the
research process rather than the researcher testing theories drawn from avail-
able literature (Braun & Clarke, 2006; Corbin & Strauss, 2008). The current
study followed the six phase thematic analysis framework as outlined by Braun
and Clarke (2006). NVivo-11 (QSR International, 2015) was used to generate
and apply codes to the qualitative data and to identify and extract themes.

Results
The findings are presented using data extracts that exemplify the narratives
provided by the participants. The researchers identified six themes that indi-
cated hallmarks of the targeted parent perspective regarding parental alien-
ation and alienating behaviors: (a) Tactics, (b) Distance, (c) the System,
Poustie et al. 3303

Figure 1. Thematic map of themes and associated subthemes.

(d) Mental Health, (e) Family Violence, and (f) Coping. Figure 1 shows a
thematic map of the identified themes and subthemes.

Tactics
Targeted parents referred to numerous specific alienating behaviors that impede
the psychosocial well-being of both the targeted child and targeted parent.
There were 152 references across 80 data items in the data set (N = 126). Six
subthemes were identified within the Tactics category.

Emotional Manipulation. The most frequently reported tactics were classified

as emotional manipulation strategies. A number of parents (n = 9) directly
referred to the alienating parent “brainwashing” the child. The data set
included examples where the alienating parent demanded loyalty from the
child. They enforced this steadfast response by eliciting fear and guilt in
the child, threatening or withdrawing from the child, or otherwise punishing
the child if they sought closeness or showed support for the targeted parent.
3304 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Their mother has controlled, lied and brainwashed them for 22 years and made
them feel disloyal if they liked anything about us.

When my child does anything with me, her mother makes her life miserable
and/or will have nothing to do with her.

Targeted parents described that the alienating parent used the targeted parent
or child “as pawns in a power game.”

Their manipulative powers and public facade are masterful; the children are
rendered powerless under such conditions.

Various comments referred to the alienating parent making inappropriate

disclosures to turn the child against the targeted parent. This includes “off-
loading” their grievances on the child and telling them negative information
about the parental relationship.

[She] unloads . . . her emotional baggage on our 5-year-old.

Encouraging Defiance and Alliance. Various targeted parents described the

alienating parent encouraging the children to misbehave toward the targeted
parent and disrespect the systems that were not aligned with the alienating
parent.

She would constantly text him and tell him to try to make me angry by defying
me. Both sons had been empowered to believe they no longer needed to respect
me or the court orders or the custody declaration.

Targeted parents described situations in which the children were taught to

align themselves exclusively with the alienating parent and separate them-
selves from any party that might impede the alienation campaign.

Both sons were also influenced to distance themselves from any person that
supported me throughout the divorce, which included many relatives that they
previously were close to while they grew up.

Disrupting Targeted Parent: Targeted Child Time. Responses highlighted ways in

which alienating parents interfered with the targeted parent’s time with their
child. For instance, many parents described the alienating parent interrupting
with phone calls and text messages.
Poustie et al. 3305

When my children are with me they must contact their mother often. The
mother also makes sure she posts on social media how much she misses them
and they must reply or they are made to feel guilty.

Some parents described the alienating parent making excuses to withhold the
child from the targeted parent, or enticing the child to engage in other activities
rather than spend time with the targeted parent.

My ex makes accessing my children a daily chore. Unanswered phone calls,

playdates on weekends, bad reception and illness are frequent excuses for
alienating me.

Withholding Information. Targeted parents frequently described being blocked

from information—the alienating parent acting as an information gatekeeper
around the child’s well-being, activities, schooling, and other life events.

[She] says she shares what is happening with sports schedules etc. for the kids,
however only asks for money for the sport or activity after the fact, never even
telling me beforehand what sports or other activities the kids are in and then
says that I am a horrible parent and “no wonder the kids want nothing to do
[with me].”

Some participants reported that the alienating parent moved the child to pro-
hibit the targeted parent from being informed.

[They were] constantly moving, sometimes twice in a year and would change
the kids’ schools.

Defamation of the Targeted Parent. Targeted parents commonly referred to the

alienating parent’s denigration campaign wherein the alienating parent “bad-
mouthed” them to the child to break the parent–child bond.

[My] son tells me his father says I’m stupid and worthless. He uses every
situation to discredit me.

Targeted parents highlighted the damage caused by this alienating behavior

or tactic.

[The children] are very confused because their mom tells them negative things
about me and they do not experience those negative things, so they seem
confused.
3306 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Comments indicated that the defamation tactic evoked aloofness, fearfulness,

or hatefulness in the child toward the targeted parent.

The targeted child in this survey now refuses to hug or kiss me, never says I
love you and if I tell her that I love her she just grunts.

Many comments captured instances of the alienating parent implicitly or explic-

itly communicating to the child that the targeted parent does not love them.

Anytime my daughter wants something of value (car etc.), my daughter is told

that if I loved her, I would buy it for her. So if I can’t afford something, my
daughter’s rationale is that I didn’t get it for her because I don’t love her.

Some comments mentioned the alienating parent’s use of extended family or

friends in their denigration campaign.

His family all supported his behaviour and shut me and my oldest daughter out
while badmouthing us and lying to everyone who would listen.

Erasing the Targeted Parent From Child’s Life. Targeted parents frequently
alluded to a sense of being eradicated from their child’s life, ranging from
blocked communication to feeling “erased.”

My twins have been taught to block my calls, texts and remove me from social
media . . . zero contact.

Targeted parents indicated that the alienating parent acted in ways to sym-
bolically remove them from their child’s life.

He remarried a friend of mine 4 months after we divorced and both of them

have tried everything to have the step mom replace me as the mother of my
children. Including calling her “Mum” soon after she moved in and referring to
me by my first name.

Many comments illustrated relational rupture as the targeted parent perceived

being systematically and entirely removed from their child’s life.
The narratives demonstrated the extremity of alienating behaviors: unending
defamation, prohibiting contact, and blockading information among other ruth-
less strategies to “erase” the targeted parent. The data indicated that these tactics
often led to physical distance, another key factor in the alienation process.
Poustie et al. 3307

Distance
Data extracts were categorized into a theme called Distance when they
referred to physical distance separating the targeted parent from their child.
There were 110 references coded at this theme. At best, these comments
described the targeted parent needing to drive long distances to visit their
child and at worst, pointed to possible cases of child abduction.

I am currently a long distant parent with a long distant court order. I feel that
the alienation has gotten worse with the distance, such as not being able to
participate, phone calls allowed only once a week or be involved in any part of
my children’s lives only during my parenting time which is holidays and 6
weeks during the summer vacation.

Child Abduction. A subset of data items alluded to scenarios which could be

considered child abduction, in which the alienating parent took the child and
failed to return them as per custody arrangements.

My ex-wife of ten years absconded 2500 km away with my son.

These narratives tell the frustrating and discouraging experience of physi-

cal distance separating the targeted parent from their child. Participants indi-
cated that these frustrations were often taken to the courts and mental health
services, but were not alleviated.

The System
Most of the targeted parents (n = 70) mentioned the “System,” and there were
a total of 130 references coded at this theme across the data. The “System”
refers to the family law court and other legal services, child support agencies,
or mental health services. The data reflected dissatisfaction with these avail-
able services. Participants indicated a sense of helplessness and hopelessness
amid a perceived broken and uncaring system. Responses relayed percep-
tions of the System as a double-edge sword: a means to stop the alienation,
but coming at a great emotional and financial cost. Five subthemes pertaining
to the System were identified.

Slow and Ineffective. Many participants expressed grievances of a system that

is slow and ineffective.

Because of the time the whole process took, my oldest son aged to adulthood.
3308 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Uncaring. A number of targeted parents expressed a sense of hopelessness

and perceive the system as uncaring.

I feel disillusioned with the family system that is supposed to help . . . I feel
there is nowhere to turn. No one seems to have concern for this problem.

Contributes to Parental Alienation. Many targeted parents alluded to the legal

system contributing to the parental alienation.

I have struggled and fought through the system (court) . . . incurring great
financial and emotional debt. Largely court orders that are in place are not
followed and there is no repercussion. I feel my hands are tied. I feel that the
family court system helps to promote alienation in many cases.

Uninformed Mental Health Care System. Targeted parents referred to the men-
tal health system as lacking in knowledge and understanding of parental
alienation.

When a court appointed counsellor doesn’t understand what is going on, what
hope do I have? No one can help me.

Financial Burden. Many of the targeted parents mentioned the financial bur-
den of engaging with the system.

I continued to work full time trying to keep my head above water with these
trips and legal fees. I have over 150,000 dollars in my custody case and there’s
no end in sight for legal fees.

Targeted parents’ narratives indicated that many of them have encountered

a large, impersonal legal system, which places a heavy emotional and finan-
cial burden on them. The multitude of grievances emphasized an overarching
theme of a system perceived as too slow and too costly. Given the apparent
hardships of involvement in the system in addition to the actual lived experi-
ence of parental alienation and alienating behaviors, it is unsurprising that
mental health was a key feature in the data.

Mental Health
Mental health concerns were central throughout the data set. Indeed, 83 of the
126 comments included references coded at the theme Mental Health, and
there were 130 references in total. Narratives referred to broad psychosocial
Poustie et al. 3309

implications of parental alienation and specific psychological disorders.

These statements reflected the targeted parents’ attempts to understand and
classify their own psychological struggles, as well as that of their children
and the alienating parent. Five subthemes were identified.

Despair. The most salient and distressing within this thread of text were the
comments that alluded to loss of meaning in life and suicidal ideation:

I wonder how I can live this way for much longer and why this has happened
to us. Now, it’s come to complete alienation. No letters, No calls, No visits . . .
ONLY HELL . . . I am at a complete loss. I don’t know what to do, who to trust,
how to fight back, how to save my babies, how to hold on to them. My entire
existence means nothing and appears it never did. I pray for someone to help
me, help save them. It kills me what this has done to us. I can’t stop what he’s
done. I am so worn . . .

Isolation. A number of targeted parents reflected a sense of loneliness. These

were coded at the Isolation subtheme.

I am so alone . . .

I have had no help.

Targeted Parent Psychological Disorders. Some targeted parents referred to spe-

cific psychological disorders affecting them as a consequence of parental
alienation.

I was a stay at home mum and I am currently unemployed from getting fired
from jobs due to absences from going to court and medical issues brought on
by extreme stress and depression.

Targeted Child Mental Health. Targeted parents reflected concern for the cur-
rent and future mental health of the children involved caused by parental
alienation and alienating behaviors.

I am extremely concerned about the effects that this behaviour will have on the
children, both short and long term.

Alienating Parent Psychological Disorders. A number of the targeted parents

mentioned psychological disorders affecting the alienating parent such as
personality disorders or their own history of alienation or abuse.
3310 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Anyone, male or female, can be an alienator—I pity them, for they are ill and
do not know it. Their psychological wounds are so very deep, yet they will not
acknowledge them . . .

Many statements suggested that targeted parents often view the process of
parental alienation as a behavioral manifestation of personality and psycho-
social troubles in the alienating parent. The frequency with which narcissism
was mentioned is particularly noteworthy. Given the complex interpersonal
aspects of parental alienation, family violence was identified as a theme.

Family Violence
There were 85 references in the data coded at this theme, and three subthemes
were identified.

Parental Alienation Is Child Abuse. A large number of references were made to

the notion that causing parental alienation through the use of alienating
behaviors is child abuse. Overall, 53 of the 126 targeted parents directly
referred to it. Concerns that alienating behaviors are emotionally abusive
were raised.

Introducing false fears to an alienated child to keep a child away from parents
is abuse. No one has the right to mess with a child’s head. It’s wrong and needs
to stop.

Intimate Partner Violence. Some targeted parents reflected on a history of inti-

mate partner violence with their ex-spouse. Often these comments appeared
to enable the targeted parent to remember their need to flee their ex even
though it triggered alienation.

I was in a verbally, physically and emotionally abusive marriage for 18 years

before I made the final decision to divorce the father of my children.

Allegations. Various targeted parents indicated that they had been on the
receiving end of false allegations of domestic violence—accusations of
which established or exacerbated the alienation.

He applied for a Domestic Violence Order (unfounded) to keep me from

contacting them. It took 6 months to get a court hearing, in the meantime [the]
judge ordered a temporary DVO which he put on both boys’ school files. [The]
DVO application was dropped 2 weeks before court, but the damage was done.
Poustie et al. 3311

The large number of extracts that alluded to family violence highlighted

the harmful interpersonal events associated with parental alienation. Rather
than adopting the “victim role,” however, many targeted parents indicated
adaptive coping attitudes and behaviors.

Coping
Thirty-six of the 126 responses included references coded at this theme and
there were a total of 65 references across these responses. These were a pat-
tern of comments that indicated specific coping activity as well as general
impression of stoicism and hopefulness in the face of parental alienation.

I resolved to learn more about [parental alienation] . . . to pull myself out of my

funk, get healthy physically, mentally and emotionally. I still have moments of
despair, usually only when I am alone. I miss my girl very, very much. I am and
was a really good parent. So many people see/saw that and remind me. I didn’t
deserve this treatment. Nor does my daughter. I won’t give up. I will always be
here for my girl.

Therapy. A small number of targeted parents mentioned psychological therapy

in their comments.

In the beginning I struggled to cope with everything but I did a lot of therapies
[which] . . . gave me the skills to tolerate distress, regulate my emotions,
communicate effectively and to be mindful of myself and all around me.

Social Support. A small number of targeted parents (n = 5) specifically referred

to support received by their social network, be it family or friends.

I’m thankful that I have the support of my family and friends and most of all
my girlfriend.

Self-Education. Targeted parents indicated a significant level of acquired

knowledge and ongoing self-education as a means of coping.

The difference this time around is that I have finally overcome the guilt of the
past. I always knew it wasn’t my fault but now I actually believe it because I
have been armed with the information. . . . It has been absolutely amazing for
me to finally have some sense of acknowledgement and validation to something
that deep down I’ve known is so true.
3312 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Educating Others. Another subtheme under Coping was the expression of a

proactive striving to educate others.

I have been trying to raise awareness in my community.

Hope for Reunification. A number of targeted parents expressed hope that the
targeted child will someday reunify with them.

I hope and pray that one day my sons will allow themselves to question their
new beliefs about me. I hope they will allow themselves to see value in having
me in their lives.

Stoicism. There were numerous examples of an underlying resilience and sto-

icism among targeted parents.

I cope by making every minute with my child wonderful and happy. On the
days that my child is not with me I want him to remember the good time we had
and to always remember that I am fighting for him to come home. I choose to
accept that I can’t change things immediately and that it will take time. There
is only one thing that can’t be broken . . . our love for each other and the fact
that my child wants to come home.

Active coping strategies, such as self-education and raising awareness,

appeared to be an adaptive way to tolerate the emotional strain inflicted on
them, increase self-efficacy in an otherwise powerless position and likely
serve as protective factors against (escalating) mental health problems.

Discussion
This study explored the narratives of targeted parent postseparation from the
alienating parent to better understand the perspective of this underresearched
population. A large data set (n = 126) of targeted parent reflections and narra-
tives provided a detailed “first-hand” illustration of the targeted parent per-
spective and experience of parental alienation and alienating behaviors. This
stands in contrast to previous research that, although focused on the targeted
parent experience, involved small samples or data originating from sources
other than the targeted parents themselves. The current study informs and
builds on the existing body of literature with a contribution of great size and
comprehensiveness, facilitating a fuller conceptualization of what it means to
be a targeted parent.
Poustie et al. 3313

Targeted Parents and Alienation Tactics

For the participants in this study, parental alienation occurred via a mix of
tactics or behaviors enacted by the alienating parent. These included emo-
tional manipulation, encouraging defiance toward the targeted parent and
alliance with the alienating parent, disrupting the targeted parent’s time spent
with the child, withholding information from the targeted parent, defamation
of the targeted parent, and erasing the targeted parent from their child’s life,
both practically and symbolically. Previous research has also indicated that
parental alienation and alienating behaviors can stem from discord in the par-
ent dyad that leads to one parent seeking revenge, wishing to erase the ex-
partner from the child’s life to “make room” for a new partner or a new
couple’s attempt to strengthen their own bond by uniting around a shared
enemy (Warshak, 2000). These findings are consistent with previous research
(e.g., Baker & Fine, 2014) adding further evidence of the validity of these
tactics and behaviors occurring.

Targeted Parents and Physical Distance

This research identified geographical distance as a key feature in many
targeted parents’ narratives. This is consistent with prior research that also
highlights the role of distance via reductions in visitation and ex-partner
relocating with their child in impeding the relationship between the tar-
geted parent and their children (Baker & Fine, 2014; Vassiliou & Cartwright,
2001). Importantly, a few targeted parents alluded to scenarios which one
could consider child abduction. Child abduction could be considered an
extreme form of parental alienation because the outcome of child abduction
matches the outcome of parental alienation such that the targeted parent is
eradicated from the child’s life, the child is isolated from familiar people,
and there are long-lasting psychosocial consequences. Research has indi-
cated that the long-term effects of parental abduction are varied, including
interpersonal problems relating to mistrust of others, trouble making and
retaining friends, and clinical symptoms associated with posttraumatic
stress disorder (Gibbs, Jones, Smith, Staples, & Weeks, 2013). These out-
comes match the concerns raised by targeted parents regarding their chil-
dren’s well-being (Greif, 2000). The parents in the current study expressed
concern for their children’s welfare. They described their child as “perma-
nently scarred” by the actions of the other parent and the damage does not
appear to be alleviated by the system’s involvement, but rather maintained
or exacerbated.
3314 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Targeted Parents and the System

The present study uncovered a collective dissatisfaction with “the System,”
exemplified through a vast sum of grievances. The pervasiveness of this
theme in the current, and previous, research (e.g., Baker, 2010; Baker &
Darnall, 2006, 2007; Baker & Fine, 2014; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001)
reflects the centrality of the System in targeted parents’ perceptions and expe-
riences of parental alienation and alienating behaviors.
Taken together with narratives from previous literature, these findings bring
into question the effectiveness of the legal and mental health care systems in
their current efforts to help alienated families. Fifteen years ago, researchers
indicated that these grievances toward the system could be warranted due to
minimal research on parental alienation, thus limiting the number of legal and
mental health professionals with a firm knowledge base and understanding of
the phenomenon (Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001). That same research posited
an intervention strategy involving mental health professionals identifying fam-
ilies experiencing parental alienation to legal professionals who could then
establish the necessary custody change (Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).
Nevertheless, the struggle continues for wide-ranging understanding and thus
wide-ranging effective intervention for parental alienation.
Of course, the challenge is great for professionals working within these
systems: being able to clearly conceptualize parental alienation and to inter-
vene most effectively (Fidler & Bala, 2010). Future work with alienated
families requires members of the System possessing and utilizing compre-
hensive understanding. This warrants more research and dissemination.
Furthermore, given the negative impact of the perceived lack of understand-
ing on the targeted parent’s well-being, it appears that a clear message of “we
understand and we care” from professionals working in the system would be
powerful in assisting this population.

Targeted Parents and Mental Health

In line with previous findings, the current data indicates that being alienated
from their children is a traumatic experience for the targeted parent (Baker &
Fine, 2014; Finzi-Dottan et al., 2012). The present findings are consistent
with previous research and further highlights emotional outcomes such as
frustration, stress, and helplessness (Baker & Andre, 2008; Baker & Darnall,
2006; Baker & Fine, 2014; Schwartz, 2015; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).
Many respondents expressed grief at the loss of the parent–child relationship
and some alluded to suicidal ideation. This fits with previous findings of the
Poustie et al. 3315

common experience of a sense of loss and powerlessness (Vassiliou &

Cartwright, 2001), an increased risk of suicide among targeted parents (Kruk,
2013) and targeted parents living with a “lingering sense of trauma and depri-
vation of their [parent]hood” (Finzi-Dottan et al., 2012, p. 322). Parental
alienation clearly causes significant psychological pain, which legal and
mental health care fields need to acknowledge and work toward reducing.
Existing literature indicates that alienation affects the mental well-being
of targeted children in both the short- and long-term (Ben-Ami & Baker,
2012; Godbout & Parent, 2012; Johnston, Walters, & Olesen, 2005). The
present study makes it clear that targeted parents are often deeply concerned
about their child’s known or feared psychosocial problems associated with
parental alienation. Key concerns included both internalizing problems, such
as mood disorders, as well as externalizing problems, such as disordered con-
duct and substance use. This concern for the child’s mental well-being could
be a distinguishing factor of parental alienation from estrangement such that
targeted parents express concern for their child, whereas abusive or neglect-
ful parents may show less concern.
As they grapple with parental alienation, many targeted parents attempt to
understand the mental health state of the alienating parent. It is not a new
finding that targeted parents attribute alienating behaviors to the alienating
parent’s emotions, specifically anger, revenge, hate, or some mix of those
(Baker & Fine, 2014; Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001). As indicated in previous
literature, our respondents viewed parental alienation and alienating behav-
iors as a precipitant of unresolved family-of-origin problems, personality dis-
orders, externalizing of unresolved grief and narcissistic injury (Baker, 2005,
2006; Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Kopetski, 1998; Lund, 1995; Rand, 1997).

Targeted Parents and Family Violence

A number of participants described past instances of intimate partner vio-
lence perpetrated by the alienating parent that triggered parental separation
and ultimately resulted in parental alienation. These descriptions are consis-
tent with narratives provided in Baker and Fine (2014). Kelly and Johnston
(2008) described intimate partner violence as a pattern of behavior used in a
relationship to gain and maintain control over a significant other. They
described coercive controlling violence as behaviors involving intimidation,
emotional manipulation, isolation, minimizing or denying their behavior, and
enacting their control attempts via their children. Alienating behaviors could
be viewed as coercive and controlling violence against an ex-partner. In cases
of parental alienation, control and power over the ex-partner is maintained by
controlling the contact targeted parents have with their children. This could
3316 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

be considered an extension of family violence postseparation wherein abu-

sive ex-partners continue to abuse their former partners and children.
Targeted parents in this study described alienating behaviors as a form of
nonphysical child abuse that the System misjudges or ignores. Indeed, it is
argued here that the behaviors or tactics used by alienating parents and the
outcomes of these can aptly be considered child abuse. In Australia, emo-
tional maltreatment (aka “emotional abuse” or “psychological abuse”) refers
to “a parent’s . . . inappropriate verbal or symbolic acts toward a child” or
“any non-accidental behaviour by parents . . . that is outside the norms of
conduct and entails a substantial risk of causing physical or emotional harm
to a child” (Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2015). Specifically, alien-
ating behaviors could be viewed as any combination of the following sub-
types of emotional maltreatment as identified by Australian Institute of
Family Studies (2015):

•• Corrupting: The parent “mis-socializes” the child, encouraging them

to engage in maladaptive antisocial behaviour and deviance (cf.
“Encouraging defiance and alliance”).
•• Isolating: The parent cuts the child off from social experiences and
prevents them from forming relationships (cf. “Disrupting targeted
parent-targeted child time” and “Erasing the targeted parent for the
child’s life”).
•• Terrorizing: The parent creates a climate of fear, making the child
believe the world is hostile and capricious (cf. “Emotional manipula-
tion” and “Defamation of the targeted parent”).

Targeted Parents and Coping

On an encouraging note, this study uncovered a clear indication of active
coping and resilience in the targeted parent population. Many targeted par-
ents are taking action to educate themselves to maximize their own under-
standing and coping, raising awareness to increase support for all affected by
parental alienation, finding, and appreciating the support of friends and fam-
ily, and generally taking a stance of resilience and stoicism (Clarkson &
Clarkson, 2008; Rand, 2011). These findings are consistent with Baker and
Fine’s (2014) recommendations for coping with parental alienation.
This finding has positive implications for therapeutic approaches to ame-
liorate parental alienation. Resilience could act as a protective factor for tar-
geted parents in a demoralizing or anxiety-provoking context of therapeutic
and legal interventions for parental alienation. These coping attitudes and
behaviors may also indicate that some (if not most) targeted parents would be
Poustie et al. 3317

highly motivated clients, ready to make any necessary changes, and ready to
address any of their own psychological or other barriers to optimally parent their
child. Involvement in specialized family therapy targeting parental alienation
likely requires strength of character, resilience, stoicism—as they are likely to
come up against a fierce opponent in the form of the alienating parent.

Study Implications
This study shows that targeted parents face extreme and severe alienating
behaviors used by the alienating parent. Importantly, the severity of tactics or
behaviors used indicates that parental alienation is likely to endure and
worsen if left alone. This finding adds weight to previous evidence that doing
nothing will exacerbate parental alienation (Templer, Matthewson, Haines, &
Cox, 2017).
Emotional manipulation is a particularly potent and pervasive tactic used
by alienating parents. The implications of this are twofold: (a) it is necessary
for targeted children to receive cognitive therapy to challenge their distorted
thinking (Templer et al., 2017) and (b) mental health and legal professionals
may have a responsibility to treat cases of parental alienation as a form of
child abuse.
The study also highlights that physical proximity is a critical step toward
reunification. As recommended by Gardner (1998) and supported by Templer
et al. (2017), this may be brought about through specialized family therapy
interventions for alienated families in which a key nonnegotiable feature is
the presence of the alienated family members together.
Targeted parents in this study perceive a fractured system, one that is
uncaring and ineffective to the point of perpetuating and exacerbating paren-
tal alienation. At the very least, this perception greatly contributes to the tar-
geted parent’s distress. These findings have various implications. Previous
research has outlined helpful recommendations for professionals working
with alienated families (e.g., Baker, 2010; Templer et al., 2017). For the pur-
pose of this article, two brief implications regarding the System are provided.
First, it calls for greater dissemination of parental alienation research for
more widespread and shared knowledge and understanding. Second, collabo-
ration between mental health care and legal professionals is crucial and pos-
sibly the best hope for alienation cessation and targeted parent–child
reunification (Templer et al., 2017).
With regard to family violence, the current findings indicate that it may be
helpful to consider alienating behaviors as a crime, on par with physical
abuse. Indeed, there are some nations around the world who have already
criminalized these behaviors that result in parental alienation (e.g., Brazilian
3318 Journal of Family Issues 39(12)

Law 12 318 as cited in Soares, 2010). Previous research suggests that court
judgments that are swift, clear, and forceful are likely to be the best chance
for curbing alienation (Vassiliou & Cartwright, 2001).

Study Limitations
This study met its aim in contributing to the existing database on the targeted
parent experience of parental alienation and alienating behaviors. However,
there are some noteworthy limitations. First, the current study is limited by its
reliance on self-reports. The narratives of respondents have been treated as
true in this study; however, there is no way of guaranteeing that all partici-
pants were indeed targeted parents. It is possible that some participants may
have been estranged from their children. Furthermore, it is worth acknowl-
edging the limited accuracy of self-reports such that each narrative in the data
is only one perspective of an individual’s circumstance.
Although the narratives are from a large, international data set, we are
limited in our ability to generalize the themes identified here to all targeted
parents’ experience of alienation and alienating behaviors. Consider, for
example, the grievances directed toward the System: these are pervasive
throughout the data, however, it is somewhat unsurprising that the majority
of participants in this study are deeply unhappy with court proceedings—any
targeted parent who is content with legal input is likely to be the person who
is no longer alienated from their child.
Like any thematic analysis, there is an unavoidable limitation of the
researchers’ tendency to bring their own biases to the analysis and thus some-
what tarnishing the raw data, despite all attempts and intentions to conduct
research within a purely inductive, data-driven approach (Hansen, 2006;
Marton, 1986; Mays & Pope, 1995).

Future Directions
Deeper exploration of the targeted parent perspective might be gained through
qualitative research using interviews that involve more targeted questioning.
The current findings suggest that targeted parents are equally males and
females. These findings do not support previous research that indicated that
mothers are more commonly found to be alienating parents (Bow et al., 2009;
Ellis & Boyan, 2010; Meier, 2009; Rand, 1997; Vassiliou & Cartwright,
2001). However, our findings are consistent with a few studies that have
found that both genders engage in parental alienation tactics (Hands &
Warshak, 2011; López, Iglesias, & García, 2014). Future research could fur-
ther explore gender differences in the targeted parent experience. Further
Poustie et al. 3319

areas for research may also include the repair and recuperation of the targeted
parent–child relationship and evaluations of specialized family therapy pro-
tocols for alienated families.
In sum, there is a need for more shared understanding and more thorough
support. The experience of being a targeted parent is “disgusting and it needs
to be out there so that people understand it and children and [targeted] parents
can get the help that they so dearly need.”

Declaration of Conflicting Interests

The author(s) declared no potential conflicts of interest with respect to the research,
authorship, and/or publication of this article.

Funding
The author(s) received no financial support for the research, authorship, and/or publi-
cation of this article.

ORCID iD
Mandy Matthewson https://orcid.org/0000-0002-1122-3977

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