Contents 01/09

SWIMWEAR FROM SATIN-3RD FLOOR, GUILLY’S ISLAND 27 TOMAS MORATO, Q.C., COVER UP FROM PINK BELTER, 3RD FLOOR RED LANE SHOPPE’S VILLE ARCADE GREENHILLS, BANGLES FROM SABELLA, EARRINGS FROM ALDO
ON THE COVER AND THIS PAGE: PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO;STYLING: REY SANTOS; MAKEUP: TOTO BAGAMASBAD; HAIR: RUBEN DELLOMOS; SPECIAL THANKS TO MS. LOLIT SOLIS AND GORGY RULA; ON THIS PAGE:

FEATURES

68 Talk dirty to her!

Dirty talking techniques for the
tongue-tied!

72 Avi Siwa!
She’s building an empire!e!

78 Survival guide
for 2009!
Prepare for the worst!

84 Isabelle Du!
She digs our groove!

90 Dangerous jobs!
Taming terrifying crocs and
other high-risk rackets
for really mad men!

96 Jhoy Mercado
Pure happiness!

102 Anthony
Bourdain!
The rock ‘n’ roll chef on cheating
brides, groupies, and El Bulli!

106 Jenny Tran!

Has the heart for big love!

112 Slick Rick, Tony

Toni and Sam YG!
The Boys Night Out triumvirate
on freedom of expression!

62

CARLENE
AGUILAR
She’ll conquer bumpy waters!

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 5

 Contents
All of the good, none of the bad, every month

01/09

MISS FHM

120 From the mouth of

babes
Sex horoscope Straight from
the Sex Guru’s crystal ball! p120
Kimberly She kissed a girl and she
liked it! p124
Ladies’ Confessions Birthday girl
gets caught in her birthday suit!
p126
Instant Sexpert Free jiggy
wisdom monthly! p122

114

NEUTRAL
GROUND!
Conquer it!
TECHKNOW

PHOTOS: DAIRY DARLIAG; VINCENT COSCOLLUELA; PAT DY; JAKE VERZOSA

INCOMING STYLE 43 Into the wired!
REVIEWS 112 Big for your ears Like earphones,

BOYS just 500 times larger! p43

Knock on them Gadgets to buy if
14 Everything that
matters this month...
46 Feel handsome NIGHT you’re in the mood for wood p44
Tech fraternity Hot items! p45
Up and about now! You’ve got to
greet the new year with a blast!
Cold cuts Wardrobe options to
keep you warm! p46
Fashion 911 Dress up the right
OUT UPGRADE
Alicia Berck She’s everyone’s way! p49
online friend! p14 Picturesque T-shirt art is cool! p48
Skate bore Superbonngg! is the Grooming must-buys Vital! p50
dark lord of dogtown! p22 129 Life—enhanced!
Angono Artfest Displays worth our
affection! p18 TRUE STORIES Backpacking Escape, recharge,
return with a vengeance! p129
Eugene Torre! The veteran chess Freddy Gonzales Surf’s up for
grandmaster flashes his world-class the man behind Aloha Boardsports,
moves! p24 Inc.! p131
PLUS Assaulting zombies in Left 136 Anecdotes galore 48 First-aid must-know Save others,
4 Dead, chilling with Basti Artadi,
Wandering around town in a Toyota
Boy readies self for bonking
session, cleans bush, gets ART feel good about yourself! p133
Survive job loss Cope with
Fortuner, Innova and Hilux! whacked!
TEES sudden unemployment! p132

6 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 What
we did
this For Him Magazine, Summit Media, 6F & 7F Robinsons Cybergate Center Tower 3, Robinsons

month Pioneer Complex Pioneer St., Mandaluyong City 1550

Telephone: 63(2) 631-89-71 to 85
Fax: 6372206 • SMS: FHM ED <message> <name> and send to 23669
e-mail: [email protected] • website: www.fhm.com.ph
What’s the most dangerous thing you’ve done for this job?
EDITORIAL
Editor-in-Chief Allan A. Madrilejos White water rafting
Managing Editor Allan P. Hernandez Jumped off a cliff
Art Director Paul C. Villariba Braved 20-foot waves at Katrina’s calendar shoot in Batanes
01/09 Associate Features Editor Alex C. Paita Had my chest hair waxed
Fashion Editor Ana G. Kalaw Wardrobe failure
Celebrity Coordinator Allan Anthony Altera Pretended to be a guy
Associate Art Director Frantz Arno C. Salvador Sang at Tamarindu Idol in Batangas
Editorial Assistants B.A. Borleo Missed merienda a couple of times
Charmaine Z. Chanco Did a shoot along EDSA without permit
Marc Laurenze C. Celis Got held up on the way to a shoot
Khyne L. Palumar Talked to Billy Crawford
Web Producer III Lou E. Albano Ate lechon (I’m a vegan, dear)
Web Producers I Antonio T. Ongchap Jr. Almost drowned when kayak capsized mid-sea in Batangas
Ron Jay B. Eduvas Tried to score on a cover babe and a makeup artist and...etc etc.

CONTRIBUTORS
Words Asia Agcaoili, Lou Albano, Adrian Elumba, Mica Siquijor, Cara Maia Tanlimco, Ruel Lucas, Cel Coscoullela,
Rhea Catada, Jad Melegrito, Josh Woodfin, Justin Quirk, Sheila Manzarate, Rafael Santos, Pictures Paolo Pineda, Carlo
Bandoquillo, Vince Coscolluella, Pat Dy, Christian Halili, Roy Macam, Dr. Marlon Pecjo, Dairy Darilag, Jay Tablante, Jake
Versoza, David Nguyen, Manan Vatsyayana, Yayay De Castro, Jun Sabayton, Jovel Lorenzo Illustrations Mikke Gallardo, Tracy
Santuyo, Jason Confesor, Sonny Ramirez, Jennyson Rosero Styling/Makeup Christine Ng Valuyen, Val de Guzman, Mich
Lim, Sheryl Songsong, Ara Fernando, Diana De Castro, Maritess Santos, Patricia Coronado, Tatin Yang, Rony Misa, Adrian
Elumba, Rey Santos, Vida Jaucian, Toto Bagamasbad, Ruben Dellomos, Salie Acupan, Hannah Kim, Jonathan Special thanks
to Ms Lolit Solis, Gorgy Rula, Andy Requintinia, Dr. Abe Marinduque of Beverly Hills 6750, Joy Mirasol, Lourd De Veyra, James
Gabrillo, Recreational Outdoor Exchange
FHM INTERNATIONAL NETWORK
Emptied an aquarium to the dismay of ornamental International Director Simon Greves
fishes, but replaced it with a more prized catch. Carlene International Digital Director Gary Broughton International General Manager Mark Beard
International Editorial Manager Henry Rimmer Head of International Content Anouska Christy
Aguilar is set for a new mermaid telefantasya . International Digital Manager Graham Kirk International Content Manager Jennifer Batchelor
International Digital & Content Executive Erin Viljoen International Technical Administrator John Goodchild
International Editors (Australia) Ben Smithurst (Bulgaria) Todor Peev (China) Jacky Jin (Croatia) Ivan Bozulic
(Czech Republic) Ludek Stanek (Denmark) Soren Baastrup (Estonia) Robert Korvits (France) Lomig Guillo (Germany)
Christian Kallenberg (Holland) Robert Van Der Hamm (Hungary) David Hraschek (India)Tushar Amin (Indonesia)
Richard Sam Bera (Latvia) Kaspars Zavileiskis (Lithuania) Aidas Puklevicius (Malaysia) Ong Soh Chin (Mexico) Apolo
Castrejon (Norway) Martin Thronsen (Romania) Eduard Tone (Russia) Misha Koshelev (Philippines) Allan Madrilejos
(Portugal) Joao Godinho (Serbia) Momir Borocki (Singapore) David Fuhrmann-lim (Slovenia) Tine Murn (Spain) Miguel
Villamizar (South Africa) Hagen Engler (Taiwan) Trina Chu (Thailand) Jakaphatchara Burnabutara (Turkey) Oben Budak
(UK) Anthony Noguera

SUMMIT MEDIA
President Lisa Gokongwei-Cheng
VP for Operations Hansel dela Cruz
Digital Publisher/Team Publisher Denis del Callar
Associate Publisher Chad Rosario
Digital Editorial Manager Chrissy D. Icamina
Plotted competition’s Web Business Operations Manager
death at the annual FHM Dennison Ko
Web Designer Kelvin Tee
International Conference.
Web Programmer Koree Monteloyola Sr. Trade Marketing Associates
Production Director Intet Victoriano Knelle D. Reyes, Tricie P. Cuasay
Assistant Production Manager Jane M. Puno Trade Marketing Associate Candace U. Lobendino
Production Coordinator Arnel Laigo Trade Marketing Ass. Eunice Z. Bisnar, Charles L. Chua
Production Designer Arthur Asturiano Visual Merchandiser Warren E. Espejo
Administrative Manager Whilma Lopez Media Relations PR Manager Ro Manalo
Admin Assistants Rosalie Arteta, Angel San Jose, Michiel PR Associates Mica Siquijor, Ingrid Villafuerte
Top: Made our Lumabi, Lalaine Bernardo, Lorena Santiago PR Clerk Haze Romawac
own Who the ADVERTISING
Special Pub Editor-in-Chief Dondi Limgenco
Creative Director Noel G. Azcueta
Hell photo in Group Advertising Director Florence Bienvenido Special Pub Assistant Managing Editors
Adv. Director-Key Accounts Group Regie Uy Timothy Panganiban, Sunshine Selga, Iza Santos
Thailand. Adv. Director-Men’s Titles Maiza Mueco Special Pub Editorial Assistant Patricia Enriquez
Left: The Key Account Specialists Joey Anciano, Junn de las Alas, Special Pub Art Directors Bong Sevilla, Cindy Dy,
Slept in the waiting lounge at Joyce Argana, Cha Clarino, Alex Revelar, Annie Santos, Jonas Asistio, Cleone Baradas
Borleos with Suzette Tolentino Special Pub Senior Graphic Designers
Phuket International Airport. Had Senior Account Manager Bem Caharian
Palawan buddy Junior Account Managers- Key Accounts Group
Alona Martirez, Eric Mendoza
this been a week later, we’d have
and January Ginger Taduran, JJ Dinglasan, Cherrie Barretto CIRCULATION
slept there for days, Bangkok Classified Acct. Executives Sharon Pilor, Mitzelle Dizon Circulation Manager–GMA Glenda Gil
birthday boy Executive Assistant Rita Barbacena Provincial Sales Manager Alexis Martinez
airports having been held hostage.
Roger T. Porlas. Key Accounts Assistants Chinggay Cabit, Onnie del Mundo, International Distribution Specialist Ulysis Javier
Dianne Suegay, Maricel Samson Circulation Supervisor Mayleen Laron
Advertising Assistant Elinor Cornejo Circulation Admin Asst. Ayen Santillan,
Adv. Traffic Supervisors Eliziel del Rio, Cathy Yabut, Nancy Pastor
Myra Gorospe Newsstands Supervisor–Value Media
Joel Valdez
MARKETING Jr. Sales Rep–Value Media John Lakhi Celso
Marketing Director: Marcie S. Linao Sr. Newsstand Supervisor–GMA Caroline Herrera
Creative Director: Noel G. Azcueta Jr. Sales Rep–Provincial Vicmar Awid, Dong
Project Officer: Kaye B. Estoista Manlansing, Sermand Lacza, Rodel Revilla, Ferdie
Marketing Associate: Billie L. Liboro Oreto, Rogelio Caballero Jr., Jerome Espejo
Marketing Assistant: San S. Francisco Key Acc. Group Head Mai Lozada,
Creative Artists: Martin P. Flordeliza, Kenneth B. Javier, Malou Rubinos
Donna Q. Tapay Jr. Sales Rep Noreen Sescon, Leslie Bagon,
Project Officers: Leah H. Basco, Ma. Christina Tan Vivian Manahan, Charlotte Barlis, Lhon Bituin,
Jr. Marketing Associates: Mirelle Quizon, Kriztel Lorbes, Allan Bea Velasquez, Jenny Reparep,
Anthony Altera, Donna Fuentes, Gina Paula Guevarra, Maan Pe, James Russel Dris
Antonio Martin, Eduardo Jay Almeda Jr., Monica Louise Valdivia, Sub Supervisor Hector Castillo
Marjorie Go, Ais Simbulan, Arlo Vicencio Sub Coordinator Jofet Abad
Marketing Asst Donna Fuentes Sub & Direct Sales Associate Emely Lorenzo
Trade Marketing OIC Anne Christine O. Ong Logistics Manager Norman Campo
Trade Marketing Officer Ernest D. Javier
Spread ourselves all over the place: Celebrity coordinator Allan Altera on Mr.
Clean; Summit Internet Diva Chrissy on Mickey Mouse in the US; Lou Albano on FHM is printed in the Philippines by Summit Media under license from Bauer Consumer Media. All rights reserved.
The trade mark FHM and certain material contained herein are owned by Bauer Consumer Media.
Anthony Bourdain, on his Philippine visit.

8 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 01/09

FHMLetters
E-MAIL: [email protected] POST: Summit Media, 6F & 7F Robinsons Cybergate Center Tower 3, Robinsons Pioneer Complex, Pioneer St., Mandaluyong City 1550

RECENTLY RECEIVED! Remembering B!

We remember
you!
A widow pays tribute to the husband My husband died last December I met Chief Allan
who introduced her to FHM, plus your 23, 2007—four days after we got and Bro. Allan H.
monthly crew of the country’s most married! It has been a year and in Bangkok three
loving and quirkiest a month now since he left me. I years ago. I’ve
readers! Best letter- couldn’t have survived the lonely gained weight and
days without your magazine. lost a few hair but here I am, still
scribler wins a L’Oreal FHM is an inspiration. It always LE
OF TTER
an FHM devotee. Here we are, the
Men Expert gift pack . reminds me of my husband, who MONTHE pretty boys of MV Pacific Retriever
was one of your avid fans. When TH while we were passing through
Volcanic! he was still alive, we would read the north coast of the Republic of
I’ve been here in Taipei, Taiwan since FHM together—one of our many Trinidad and Tobago. The session
September 2008 and being an FHM bonding moments. Buying it was B. Please FHM, do include my was actually our farewell picture-
loyalist, I have never missed an issue something we looked forward to letter as your belated wedding taking with our most requested
still. Your magazine was actually the every month. I just want to tell anniversary gift to us. More magazine because we’re turning our
first one I looked for in Filipino stores the whole world how much I love power to you guys! FHM over to the guys at the back,
and miss my husband. I love you, Andrea Jabalon, by email Trinidadian crew members Hutchins
and Pryce. So allow me to greet
also the day I’ll turn no difficult challenges in life. Since Elec. Isabelle, 3/E Ricky, 2/3 Ricky
26 years old. He’s we are both FHM addicts, I know and C/O Phes. I’m the one holding
a seaman and he’ll that sending you our picture would the Iwa Moto cover. I hope you
be home on January be a perfect belated gift for him remember me.
16. Let this be my for our third anniversary, which we Robert, by email
welcome back gift lovingly and happily celebrated last
to him. I’m sure November 7. Happy hubby!
here. This photo was taken during he’ll absolutely be Faith Sato, Davao I’ve been collecting your magazine
one of my countless escapades with surprised to see since I was a college junior. The most
my officemates from the Quezon my picture in the pages of your most memorable babe for me back then
Provincial Planning and Development powerful magazine. was Chill. The photo shoot was hot
Coordinator’s Office. They were much Lalaine Alipio, by email and Chill was hotter. FHM taught
too shy to do the silliest thing in front me lot of things, introducing me to
of the camera, which was why they Survivors! the world of fighting. I’m a Muay
faced Mount Mayon instead. Please My boyfriend and I have been Thai expert and my biggest fan is my
post this message and picture to let together for three years now. I’m wife. She’s my everything. We will
them know that I really miss them. The so happy and blessed that I have celebrate our first year anniversary
lessons I’ve learned from them will him in my life. It’s really not that Submerged! soon. Please
forever remain in my heart and mind. easy to conquer all the odds we’ve FHM is one of the best magazines post the picture
Thanks! experienced the I’ve ever read here in the Philippines. I’ve attached, my
Rey Anne D. Defeo, Taipei past years. But It’s my way of seeing what’s cooking way of telling her

OF CLAIMING PRIZES IS ON JANUARY 20. UNCLAIMED PRIZES WILL BE FORFEITED.

as long as we are in the outside world—and learn bits how much I love

PLEASE CALL 451-8888 LOCAL 1074 BEFORE CLAIMING YOUR PRIZE. DEADLINE
Homecoming! together, and we from it. But please when you do visit her and cherish
My husband and I are huge both know that we island resorts for your pictorials, her goddess-like
fans of your magazine and we love each other do take time to tell us what we can physique. Next year, we vow to make
will celebrate our sixth wedding so much, I know expect when we visit them. Cheers! cute babies.
anniversary on January 20, which is that there will be Augusto, by email Thigh kick , by email
JANUARY GALLERY
Rookie! Going strong! Included! Golden! A month delayed! Eddie Murphy!
I want to show my friends My boyfriend and I will My boyfriend just celebrated My hon and I will celebrate our Hey guys! It has always been “Dark Sophie,” a Siberian Husky
in the province how much celebrate our 4th anniversary his birthday on December 50th monthsary and I wanna let my dream to have my picture was my second anniversary
I love FHM. I love buying it in January. Butchoy, thank you 22. He’s a big FHM fan kahit her know that there’s nothing in posted on FHM. I hope you gift to my Mahal. She’s so cute
because FHM has taught for coming into my life. I love nasa States na siya. Happy this world that’s more wonderful can make my dream a reality we decided to have our pic
me to become more you so much! You’ll never miss Birthday, Mahal. I will love than loving someone special like so my friends can see me on taken with her. Please post our
confident. You changed me an issue of FHM again. More you forever. Please FHM her. You’re the lady I long to love your magazine. More power picture. We’ll deeply treasure it!
for the better! power FHM! isama naman ninyo ito ! until the rest of my days! FHM! Thanks, FHM.
Curse, Quezon Chin, Bulacan Ayee, by email Randy, by email Lahaina, by email Jordan, Tondo

10 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 2

FHMLetters
THEY’RE MISSED! WHO THE HELL Where strangers are as unwelcome as the current worldwide
economic slide! Keep sending snapshots to make us laugh!
My wife just ARE YOU?! We promise to score something to give away for your troubles!
celebrated her
birthday on
December 6. Jilted?
She takes care “My best friend finally
of my FHM admitted that he loves
collection in me and wants to be my
the Philippines. I’m boyfriend,” Dorcass
currently in the Kingdom of Bahrain Laylay beams. “Sobrang
working as a civil engineer. I excited akong makita ang
want my wife to be a part of FHM moment naming dalawa.
Adamant! Kaso yung waiter naki- INT
somehow. That’s how special she is
“The pesky guard who ruined our moment has repeatedly told us that OF RUDE
to me. I really miss her so much!
taking pictures wasn’t allowed in the establishment,” Fred recalls. “Little
love triangle pa!” MONTHE R
Edgar I Ardinazo, Bahrain TH
did he know that we’ve already had our pic shot. Too bad he’s in it!”
Happy New Year, my ever beloved
FHM! My hunney will Sprung from
be in Dubai by the the earth
time you print this.
FRO.CMOM. “This photo was taken
FHMPH at Camp John Hay
She’s working there
now as a nurse. in Baguio,” informs
She just celebrated void4u2nv over at fhm.
her birthday last com.ph. He calls the
December 20 photograph “Lamang Mustang baby!
Lupa.” We know exactly “I visited Detroit, Michigan recently,” writes Cebu-based Stan. “I have a
and we’ll celebrate our 87th
how he feels. Mustang there for my ride. Later, at the hotel parking lot, I decided to have
monthsary on January 5. By posting
my pic with the red machine. Just not with that Indian at the back!”
my letter, I hope she’ll always
remember that there’s someone
Andi’s dandy! all I did was smile. Andi is just so want to take this
willing to wait for her to be home
I’ve been reading FHM for six years fine and gorgeous. Being with her chance to greet
again. I love you so much, Hunney.
now and I must congratulate you was one of the nicest things that my Nanay and my
Hail FHM!
for the fine issues you make every I have experienced in my whole brothers Bheboy
Janherve, by email
month, especially this year. We darn boring life. I hope you can & Thata a Happy
were in Manila recently to support consider her for a cover, thanks New Year. I love
My baby and I
our friends in a Battle of the Bands and more power! you guys! It’s
will celebrate
our 14th event held at Eastwood City, Libis. Jaesamsoon, by email my first time to
Andi “Andi9” Manzano hosted the celebrate New
monthsary on
January 23. affair. I was surprised to find out Mariel wows! Year without
that I was the only one in my crew Another job well done! Having them at my side. Hope, they will
Sadly, we can’t
who knew her. But I was shy to Mariel Rodriguez on your be able to read this in your mag.
celebrate it together because
have my picture taken with her. But December 2008 cover is amazing. Thanks and More Power!
she left for the United States last
November 12. I’m still studying kaya my friend shouted: “Andi papakuha She is stunning and hot. I excitedly Jeseph, by email
raw siya ng picture with you!” I was took a picture of myself with your
naiwan ako. I think FHM is my only
three to four feet away from her and 101st issue and if you notice, the
way to surprise her. I’d like to tell the
world how I truly love her. She has Andi pulled fire alarm is just inches away from ERRATUM
me by my me so in case I get burned by Those fine pieces of
offered to buy a copy of FHM for me
right arm Mariel’s hotness, it’s easy for me accessories used in the
every month para di ko siya ma-miss
toward her. to just push that button. This is animal print centerfold
masyado. I love you, Kathy! I love
Shocked really a great way to end 2008. I in the November 2008
you, FHM!
and look forward to great surprises from cover story was from
John V., Baguio City Vendome. Sorry!
confused, you guys as you start 2009. I also

Closet Queen! I’ll miss you! We love Iwa! Rufa, me! A year older! Hitch hiker!
More Power FHM. Your great It’s really hard to say My best friend and I want Hi FHM ! Here’s a photo of This is my gwapo boyfriend. My BF and I had this pic
100th issue special was goodbye to the people you to be part of your magazine. Rufa Mi and myself which Our relationship will be a year taken at the SCTEX in
mind-blowing. I just want to love. To Casey, my daughter, Iwa Moto made us FHM was taken at The Pit in old on December 29. He’ll feel honor of Diana Zubiri. He’s
show you my hot honey. We’ll I love you so much. To my addicts. Now we know why Mall of Asia. I hope you can amazing to see this in FHM. thousand miles away now.
celebrate our 85th monthsary husband Ricky, Don’t worry every one thinks FHM’s publish this as a birthday gift Which is great because we This moment will bring our
in January. I hope you can honey, you’ll always be my great. Thanks. Happy New to me. More power to you really wanted you to be a part hearts together. I miss you,
squeeze this simple request in! one and only. Year! guys and keep rocking! of the celebration. Pooh Bear!
Sam, by Email Rodelyn Espina, by email Cris Andrew, by email Owen, by email Meoooooww, by email 01Lopa, by email

12 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Inc ming
01/09
STUNTS
SKATER BOYS
ANGONO ART
CHESS MASTER
MONSTER
TRUCK
The things that matter this month...

ALICIA
BERCK
This lingerie model likes
collecting online friends.
Log on now!
“Some people collect stamps,
some collect posters, or old coins.
Me, I like collecting Friendster
accounts,” says our 2009 opening
salvo, model Alicia Berck.
When not modelling lingerie,
Alicia can spend an entire day in
front of the computer, logged on
to her five Friendster accounts—
personally ensuring that the
social networking site will not fold
soon.
Does this make her weird?
Not by a long shot, we say. As
she also states, “I’m a typical
old-fashioned Filipina who just
happens to fancy collecting
online friends.” Aside from that,
we can also attest that there’s a
tightly packed amount of normal
youth giddiness inside of her.
Best of all, she samples some of
that here…

We browsed through your

Friendster account and it
Th e g i r l
seems you’re a very friendly
gal. Aren’t you afraid of net
weirdos?
Well, I do encounter a lot of them,
but I’m really not affected by it.
So far, I’ve managed to avoid the
freakier ones.
We also noticed that you have
two active Friendster accounts.
Actually I have five accounts. I’m
so addicted to it that I don’t know
which theme I’m going to keep
for each one. I think of it as five
different dresses that I all love.
But some of them are for my close
friends and relatives only.
It can also mean you possess
split personalities.
Of course not, I just like having
a lot of accounts. I don’t see

14 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

anything wrong with it. Some
people collect stamps, some
collect posters, some old coins.
Me, I like collecting Friendster
accounts, ha ha! I could sit in front
of my computer the whole day

INTERVIEW: B.A. BORLEO; PHOTOGRAPHY: ROY MACAM; STYLING: REY SANTOS; MAKEUP: DIANNA DE CASTRO;
looking at my friend’s pictures,
reading messages, adding new
pictures to my album, meeting
new faces, etc. I just love
Friendster!

HAIR: MARITESS SANTOS; SWIMSUITS BY PINK BETTER AT GLORIETTA 2 AND 101 NEW YORK
We hear you’re a lingerie
model, which means you’re THE FACTS
used to skimpy clothing, right? Name: Alicia Berck
It’s part of my job, but that doesn’t Age: 19
mean I’m used to it. If I’m not Profession:
modeling, I just wear simple and Model, student
conservative clothes. I’m still a Bump into her in:
typical old-fashioned Filipina, The Fort, Greenhills
believe it or not!
But, say, you like a particular
item of lingerie, can you ask to
take it home?
Just one? I want all. Well, if I really
like it, I’ll do anything to have it!
A favorite question for models:
In sports there’s a certain
belief about sex affecting an
athlete’s performance. Is the
same true for models? Do you
refrain from sex before work?
Ha ha! Is this with somebody else
or just by myself, ha ha! I want to
conserve energy before work so
I’d rather sleep before going to
every gig.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 15

 In Transformers, Bumblebee has an air

INCOMINGDESIGN freshener hanging from his rear-view mirror

with a Bee on it that says “Bee Otch.”

Monster truck 01/09 Carlo Bandoquillo Photography:

TOT CAR SHOW!

AL
P80COST: LNS’ other works of art
0,00
0

1997 MERCEDES BENZ SLK

Cost: P350,000
Pimpin’ add-ons:
Customized Full Bodykits
PHATDOORS Vertical Generation
Louis Vuitton Interiors
Fire Red Dupont Paint
19” Concept one Mag Wheels
Twin Exhaust

Th e s t r e e t c l o g g e r
2008 MITSUBISHI EVO X
Cost: P950,000
Pimpin’ add-ons:
Volk rays te 37 limited edition 19” mags

TRANSFORM!

WORDS: B.A. BORLEO; FOR INQUIRIES CALL 4138636 ([email protected])

Bilstan lowering spring
HKS racing suction filter
Cusco strut bar
Bride seats, sidings and matting
Pioneer 6-disc dvd, multi-channel processor
Optimus Prime returns! Rockford Fosgate for amplifiers
For film buffs, last year’s CGI-filled cars were more inspirational, says
yarn Transformers was no more than LNS. In fact, they were so inspired
a celebration of technology meshing they decided to recreate Optimus
with every average man’s clamor Prime to prove their point and
for testosterone-filled action and entered it into a local auto show.
some good-old ’80s revisiting. What They got hold of a Kenworth T600 HONDA JAZZ
they didn’t know though is that the 7-speed transmission truck, did Cost: P370,000
film also gave every fanboy a more their signature customized paint Pimpin’ add-ons:
important realization—that Megan and airbrush on it, added airbag Customized Mugen bodykit by LNS Paint
Fox is so damn hot, she should have suspension, Xeno-bulbs HID and & Bodykits
been given half of Optimus Prime’s 22” rims Xenon. The result is a Carbon fiber hood and spoiler by LNS Paint
screen time. monster truck that would scare & Bodykits
The boys at LNS Paint and the hell out of every EDSA lane- Custom paint yellow by LNS Paint & Bodykits
Bodykits, though, may disagree with grabbing commuter. Custom Interior L.V Multi color 18” mags by
the above statement. Now, if only we had Megan concept one Vertical Doors by PHATDOORS
Sure, Megan Fox is hot, but the around to stroll aboard it… Vertical Generation
PLEASE CALL 451-8888 LOCAL 1074 AND LOOK FOR CHASE TEJADA
BEFORE CLAIMING YOUR PRIZE. DEADLINE OF CLAIMING PRIZES IS

OBSCENE!
ON DECEMBER 20. UNCLAIMED PRIZES WILL BE FORFEITED.

Forget pride! There’s a prize!

CONTEST: CONTEST: PISS OFF! WINNER!
DRAG QUEENS PRIZE: DUREX PLAY
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SENDER:
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SENDER: JAY Dudes here are
Was it the dress that made working in Japan. A
him win? No. The ribbon? friend of theirs sent SENDER: JOMA Dude here satisfied the
Not even close. It’s the lady- us the photo to We wanted a crude criteria. But, that simple
like de kwatro. Very gay! surprise them. Well, display from a middle message you left clinched
Winner! bulaga!
RUNNER-UP finger-wagging someone. it! Way to please!

16 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 During his carrer, daredevil Evil Knievel broke 433 bones,
enough for the Guinness Book of World Records to crown him

INCOMINGSTUNTS
the person with the “most bones broken in a lifetime.”

Well of death 01/09 Photography AFP/Manan Vatsyayana

Manila’s new U-turns

were a joy to negotiate Manila’s new
U-turns were a joy
to negotiate

Th e s t u n t

CIRCLE
OF HELL

WORDS: B.A. BORLEO

Carnival daredevils in India wing
it for a few rupees
Remember the peryahans? Where cylinder without running into each
there are fun rides like the Horror other.
Train, Catterpillar, Merry-Go-Round, How dangerous is this stunt?
and the Tsubibo—all puke-inducing Well, one false move—say, too much
when the operator has had too much gas—and everyone will be buried
gin, leaving the machine in full power under tons of metal, not to mention
in his drunken stupor. What else bodies reduced to a bloodied pulp,
could beat our carnival attractions for and sure death.
sheer third-world thrills? The fun doesn’t end there,
This. Gents, presenting India’s though, as car riders are also
“Well of Death.” Also called known to stick their hands and
the Motordome, this sideshow feet out of their cars to wave at
is popular in every Indian fair. the crowd while bike riders climb
Stuntmen perform tricks aboard to the topmost part of the barrel to Pizza delivery:
dangerous job
cars and motorcycles, circling in grab hold of money being offered
perfect precision and timing the by on-lookers. Now, that’s our kind
nearly 50m barrel-shaped wooden of show!

CARNIVAL ACCIDENTS When puking wasn’t the worst thing that happened
COLLISION! MISCOMMUNICATION! CRUSHED TO
‘May (APRIL, 1997) (APRIL 2007) DEATH!
ganun?’ WHERE: Tulsa, Oklahoma, USA WHERE: Hope, Arkansas, USA (OCTOBER 2008)
CULPRIT: Rollercoaster CULPRIT: The Sizzler WHERE: Columbia,South Carolina, USA
A 14-year-old boy was killed and five A seven-year-old boy fell off his seat to the CULPRIT: The Inverter
others were injured when two rollercoaster ground below with his mother desperately The ride’s 51-year-old maintenance
cars collided. The mechanism holding trying to cling to him. When he tried to worker was attempting to retrieve his
the cars onto the top lift malfunctioned get up he was hit twice in the head by tape measure left at the base of the
causing a car already at the top to roll back the ride’s swinging, airborne chairs. Turns ride when the Inverter’s 10,000 pound
down, hitting a car which was approaching out the boy and his mother were late for counter-weight swung and hit him. The
the lift. The boy was thrown from his seat, the ride and their seat didn’t lock properly blow killed him instantly.
banging his head on a steel support. before the ride started.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 17

 Dubbed the art capital of the country, Angono, Rizal is home

INCOMINGFESTIVAL to Wire Tuazon, Nemesio Miranda Jr. aka Nemiranda, and

the late great Botong Francisco.

Angono public art fest 01/09 Photography Jun Sabayton

ANGONO’S

PUBLIC SWEETHEARTS
The festival’s consistent,
headturning stars!

CREATION
In the art capital of Angono,
Higantes
Politics is the name of the
game. From madam president,
to senators, puppets, dictators,
and lackeys, in giant papier
Rizal, the town is the museum maches paraded by people
about town.
If you want to live art—not hang
it on your walls and sniffle over
it, but see it on your streets and
everywhere else you go—then head
on over to the country’s art capital
Angono, Rizal–and you’ll find just
that: earnest, genuine art where it
should be—in the streets, and for
public consumption.
Now on its fifth year, the Angono
Public Art Festival, headed by the Art-toda
Neo-Angono Artists collective, are A roving tricycle adorned
still at it. And their mantra “bringing like a jeepney in a quirk of
arts and culture to public space and color, mesh and designs.
closer to the people” rings just as
convincing in the festival’s three-
day run. Like any fair, you’re free to
roam about and pick your communal
objet d’art: an homage to national
artists at the public cemetery,
forced poetry reading in the streets,
free crafts, visual and performance
art workshops, a variety of studio
exhibitions and installations across
town, film screenings, plays,
Higantes on parade, and music.
Participation and performance aren’t
limited and exclusive to grownups
and Angono locals—children get
to stage plays of their own, and
non-Rizal based artists, like that of
Jun Nishio, an exchange artist from
Japan, can take part as well.
Public poetry
reading
It sounds conventional, but
Th e a r t s y throw in a garbage truck and a
Balagtasan spewing profanity
WORDS: KHYNE L. PALUMAR

and it isn’t anymore.

‘I think that
I shall never
see...’
 REBIRTH!
New takes on the Toyota IMV series
If the Pinoy motoring industry was
structured like the Mafia, then we
1
daresay that Toyota is the local
godfather. There’s little to debate
about it really. Try doing a quick
scan of any major thoroughfare
in the country and chances are
you’ll see more Toyota cars than
any brand, starting with everyone’s
favorite public transportation, the
Tamaraw FX.
Aside from that, Toyota has
also gone through great lengths
to ensure that everyone knows the
brand. From TV and print ads, to
cooked-up promos that are just too
irresistible to miss.
But, of course, Toyota’s not
all about the masa FX. There’s
the Innova, the country’s biggest
selling commercial vehicle. And
it doesn’t end there. To ensure a
comfortable lead, they released a
beefed-up International Innovative
Multipurpose Vehicles line: fresh
takes on the Innova, Hilux and the
Fortuner. Here, we guide you to
what car is worth your attention.
Th e c a r
1 Hilux
If you’re looking for power
then the Hilux is still the ride for
you. The Hilux keeps its D-4D
(Direct Injection 4-stroke Common notion. By appearance alone, the
Rail Diesel) engine technology, Innova is now more luxurious. The WHAT’S ABS?
a highly pressurized injection wood paneling, button controls The Anti-Braking System
system that when partnered with on the steering wheel, improved prevents the wheels from
Toyota’s Variable Nozzle Turbo dashboard layout, and a fresher locking when braking
and an intercooler translates into take on its bumper, wheels, and suddenly or driving in
pure engine power with better rear lamps prove it’s no longer slippery roads.
combustion and—the most important the FX’s second coming. Toyota,
part—fuel economy. Our friends at though, kept in mind that the Innova
Top Gear call it very “pick-up-y.” is considered a family car, so they
Meaning it delivers all you want from threw in rear ceiling aircon ducts
a, well, pick-up—can carry loads and a bigger luggage space.
of stuff while keeping the same
power even for long drives. But the
rebirth of the Hilux starts with the
aesthetics. There are new controls
3 Fortuner
With the Fortuner, looks are
again at the forefront. You get
to tinker with and an improved projector-type headlamps, rear
interior to soften the pick-ups combination lamps, and a new
overall ruggedness. Then there’s radiator grille. The interior features
also the new chrome radiator grille an in-dash 6-CD changer, steering
that resembles the Toyota Tundra’s. wheel audio switch, phone call
Safety features also now include bluetooth function and wood trims
15” front ventilated disc brakes. for the center instrument panel.
But what we really rave about are
WORDS: B.A. BORLEO

2 Innova
If there was one crack made
at the old Innova’s expense, it was
the new 17” alloy wheels. And the
performance? It has the same D-
4D engine and ABS technology as
that the new everycar seems to be the rest of the IMV series. Another
headed to a path similar to the FX. upgrade is the new coil springs in
The new Innova all but trashes that the chassis.

20 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 In certain local police departments in the United States, the Fatal

INCOMINGMOTORS
Accident Reconstruction Team, or F.A.R.T., is a group of police officers
dedicated to investigating motor vehicle accidents that result in death.

01/09 Horsepower

ROAM MALABON!
The Hilux’s anti-flood
features include
repositioned intake vents
that prevent water from
entering and ruining the
engine.

MUSCLE-BOUND
All IMV series cars are
also equipped with a GOA
Body Structure. GOA
Body’s uses high tensile
steel sheets while the
structure is designed to
absorb impact.
3
2

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 21

INCOMINGNON-HERO
The “Ollie” was invented by Alan Ollie Gelfand. The Ollie
is a skateboarding trick involving a leap into the air with
the skateboard staying flush with the feet.
Tony Hawk wannabee 01/09 Photography Carlo Bandoquillo

CHEAP SKATE!
FHM’s resident mascot has absolutely no
skateboard tricks up his sleeve. Just ticks!
When I heard that some slackers everyone and proving just how
with skateboards were showing manly my legs are.
their love for Mother Nature by After a while, we headed up to
holding a skateboard race called the starting line and the gun fired.
“Push, Don’t Pollute,” I thought Things went well for the first 10
it was pretty cool. And I’ve never minutes as we cruised along Roxas
been wrong my entire life. Blvd., but as we made our first turn
Except, of course, when I toward Buendia, I lost control of my
called them dudes slackers. footing and slammed hard on the
Braving almost eight kilometers pavement. My board went straight
of city streets from Roxas Blvd., under a truck. I wasted a lot of
Manila to Rockwell Powerplant time looking for my board, and as I
Mall, Makati, the idea was to found it and about to join the race
promote not just the sport but also again, I noticed a hagad behind
to encourage Pinoys to consider me. In the end they didn’t give me
pushing boards instead of revving the first-place medal, but I sure did
pedals and choking our already look good.
gasping surroundings.
So I headed early at the
starting point in Rajah Sulayman
Park with my Lords of Dogtown
look and Z-Boys’ moves to show
off to the other competitors. Of
course, the show was just to warm
me up for the real deal—beating

Th e s ka t e r b o y

Leif Garrett’s son:

illegitimate

NOTIFIED THRU EMAIL BY SUMMIT MEDIA’S MARKETING ASSISTANT.

SEND ENTRIES TO [email protected]. WINNERS WILL BE

CLAIMING PERIOD IS UNTIL JANUARY 20, 2009 ONLY.

THE SHINING! NOT NABOKOV BREAKFAST IS SERVED

…And then there was teeth…or, uhm, light Eroticism has hairy legs Food for thought, play and, yes, maybe
Because you can only love (and give love in) the darkness Here’s literature you wouldn’t use to wipe your rear end eating too
for so long, and because we’re all for luminescence and with, but one you’d actually “read.” Laura Corn’s Passport The most important meal of the day brought to you by
enlightenment, what better way to do that than by way to Pleasure promises to deliver you from boredom, and UCC Vienna Café, via P2,500 worth of GCs. All we ask
of the Victorinox LED aluminum anodized flashlight, sold into a year’s worth of seduction and passion. But what do from you is art, or an approximation of it, made of food.
exclusively at Cutting Edge stores. But in the spirit of all we get from you in return? Pictures, of Yes, food art, people. Make us a bird, a plane, or a really
that is good and glowing, you’re about to get one for free. course. Your entire manliness in lingerie— kinky FHM-worthy food offering, then get a camera and
Just send us that megawatt (with bonus points for, but not in the tub, between the sheets, looking solidify your work. Most
necessarily, buck-toothed) smile. The toothiest and brightest like the woman of your dream does, but kooky and ingenious gets
bags the mobile light. Your shining smiley self snaps in by with more facial hair. Your anatomically breakfast, UCC style. Your
January 25! incorrect passports to pleasure in by friendly food trips in by
January 25! January 25!

22 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

INCOMINGMAN In 1976, Eugene Torre beat then reigning world
chess champion Anatoly Karpov in a tourney
held in Manila.

Chess sage 01/09 Photography Carlo Bandoquillo

EUGENE
TORRE
Chess genius lets FHM in
on his longevity secrets
After almost four decades
playing the sport, you’re still
winning tournaments. How do
you stay sharp?
As I get older, I become more
disciplined. In this sport, it’s very
important that both mind and THE FACTS
body are in top condition. I rest, Name: Eugene Torre
I work out, maingat ako sa mga Profession: Chess
kinakain ko, iwas sa mga bisyo. Grandmaster
And of course, tuloy pa rin ang Achievements: Asia’s 1st
International Grandmaster, holds
practice and studying to further record for most consecutive (19)
improve my knowledge in the Chess Olympiads appearances, 86
sport. wins, 111 draws and 39 losses in
Your 2008 President Gloria 236 games in the Chess
Macapagal-Arroyo Cup Olympiads (4th overall in history)
victory was, in some way,
unexpected.
Well, pinaghandaan ko talaga

INTERVIEW: RUEL S. LUCAS; SHOT ON LOCATION AT PAN DE AMERIKANA (1950S PANDESAL), #92 GEN. ORDOÑEZ ST.,
yun. I thought that a Filipino must
win in the most prestigious chess
event we’re holding each year.
Kung hindi man ako, basta Filipino

MARIKINA HEIGHTS, MARIKINA CITY, (632) 475-2398 SPECIAL THANKS TO ENGR. DIONISIO SALVADOR JR.
dapat ang manalo sa tournament
natin. The first two editions kasi,
parehong Chinese ang nanalo.
Does the age factor play an
advantage in chess?
Well, young players have stamina
as their edge while older ones have
the experience. The game of chess
is both mentally and physically tiring
kaya tulad din ito ng any other sport
na nag-re-require ng rigid mental
Th e m a n
and physical preparation.
Any thoughts on the youngest
Pinoy Grandmaster, the
phenomenal Wesley So?
The way he’s performing in
international tournaments, hindi
malayong maging world title
contender. That kid is exceptional
and is also proof na ang chess ay
talagang para sa lahat ng edad,
na puwedeng mag-excel both
ang bata at may edad.
Chess champions. Are they
born or made?
Well, may kinalaman din ang
genes but ultimately, your
personality plays the major role
in this sport. Chess is a game of
logic and nerves. Kahit na mautak
ka, pag dinaga ka rito, most
probably matatalo ka sa laban.

24 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 In May 2004, the Polizia di Stato (Italy’s state police) received
JOKESETC two Lamborghini Gallardos equipped with V10 engines and
various optional accessories.
Jokes 01/09 Mikke Gallardo Illustration

I was taking a tinkle and this bullet

came out.” Again the mother told
her not to worry and explained
what happened 16 years ago. A
week later her son walked into the
room in tears. “It’s okay,” said the
Mom, “I know what happened. You
were taking a tinkle and a bullet
came out.” “No!” said the boy, “I
think I shot the dog dead!”
Gil Fuentes, by email

Scotch-bright
A guy walks into a bar and tells the
bartender, “I want you to give me
12-year scotch, and don’t try to fool
me because I can tell the difference.”
The bartender is skeptical and
decides to try to trick the man with
a five-year scotch. The man takes
a sip, scowls and says, “Bartender,
this crap is five-year scotch. I told
you I wanted 12-year scotch.” The
bartender tries once more with
eight-year scotch. The man takes a
sip, grimaces and says, “Bartender,
I don’t want eight-year scotch like
this filth. Give me 12-year scotch!”
Impressed, the bartender gets the
12-year scotch, the man takes a sip
and sighs, “Ah, now that’s the real
thing.” A disgusting, grimy, stinking
drunk has been watching all this with

BAR
great interest. He stumbles over and
sets a glass down in front of the man
and says, “Hey, I think that’s really far
SLOW STOP out what you can do. Try this one.”
A lawyer beats a traffic stop sign

ROOM JOKES
The man takes a sip and immediately
and gets pulled over by a sheriff’s spits out the liquid. “Yechhh! This
deputy. He thinks he is smarter stuff tastes like piss!” he cries. The
drunk’s eyes light up and he says,
than the deputy because he has “Yeah, now, how old am I?”
Because we wouldn’t really a better education. He decides

PLEASE CALL 451-8888 LOCAL 1074 AND LOOK FOR CHET TEJADA BEFORE CLAIMING YOUR PRIZE.
Ronald Co, by email
bother knowing where you’re to prove this to himself and have

DEADLINE OF CLAIMING PRIZES IS ON JANUARY 20. UNCLAIMED PRIZES WILL BE FORFEITED.

some fun at the deputy’s expense. Nuts entertainment
most ticklish “License and registration, please,” A man went into a bar after work
the deputy says. “What for?” he and ordered beer. As he started
Given name say, ‘Hans Olaffsen.’ Then she look at asks. The Deputy answers, “You drinking his beer, he heard a
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist me and go, ‘What your name?’ I say, female voice saying seductively,
is fascinated with all the Chinese ‘Sem Ting.’”
didn’t come to a complete stop at “You’ve got nice hair.” The man
restaurants, shops, signs and Marjorie, Leyte the stop sign.” “I slowed down, and looked all around him but couldn’t
banners. He turns on a corner and no one was coming,” he says. “You see where the voice came from.
sees a building with the sign “Hans Triple threat still didn’t come to a complete stop. A minute later he heard the same
Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?” A woman pregnant with triplets License and registration, please.” voice saying, “You are a handsome
he muses. “How the heck does was walking down the street when “What’s the difference?” “The man.” The man was really puzzled
that fit in here?” So he walks into a masked robber ran out of a by this so he asked the barman
the shop and sees an old Chinese bank and shot her three times in
difference is, you have to come what was going on. The barman
gentleman behind the counter. The the stomach. Luckily, the babies to a complete stop, that’s the law. replied, “It’s the nuts—they’re
tourist asks, “How did this place survived. The surgeon decided License and registration, please!” complimentary.”
get a name like Hans Olaffsen’s to leave the bullets in because it He says, “If you can show me the Jonathan Yanga, by email
Laundry?” The old man answers, “Is was too risky to operate. She gave legal difference between slow down
name of owner.” The tourist asks, birth to two healthy daughters and stop, I’ll give you my license JOKE WINS PRIZE!
“Well, who and where is the owner?” and a healthy son. All was fine for
and registration and you give me the Send your entries to: FHM Bar Room Jokes, Summit
“Me, is right here,” replies the old 16 years, and then one daughter
man. “You? How did you ever get walked into the room in tears. “What’s ticket, if not you let me go and no Media, 6F & 7F Robinsons Cybergate Center Tower3,
a name like Hans Olaffsen?” “Is wrong?” asked the mother. “I was ticket.” The deputy says, “Exit your Robinsons Complex, Pioneer St., Mandaluyong City
1550. Or try our fax (6372206) or email (fhm@
simple,” says the old man. “Many, taking a tinkle and this bullet came vehicle, sir.” At this point, the deputy summitmedia.com.
many year ago when come to out,” replied the daughter. The mother takes off his gloves, starts slapping ph). This month’s
this country, was stand in line at told her it was okay and explained the lawyer and says, “Do you want winner brings home
Documentation Center. Man in front what happened 16 years ago. About a P2,500 worth of
me to stop or just slow down?” gift certificates from
was big blonde Swede. Lady look at a week later the second daughter Robin Olivares, by email Cosmopark Store.
him and go, ‘What your name?’ He walked into the room in tears. “Mom,

26 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 01/09

Reviews
GAMES
FILMS
DVD
MUSIC
BOOKS
TV

Your leisure time—rated and sorted

FRANTIC FOUR
The four survivors are Bill, a
Vietnam veteran; Zoe, a teen
rich kid; Louis, an electronics
chain store asst. manager; and
Francis, a big, gruff, and hobo-
looking man who always got
your back.

IT’S FLU
SEASON
Did mom forget to get you
vaccinated?
LEFT 4 DEAD of eerie, someone’s-watching-me
Where: PC, XBOX 360 moments.
What it’s about: It’s your typical What’s good about it: L4D runs
horror/survival game, where you its cogs based on Valve’s Source
play with virus-induced zombies engine—making the graphics look
fittingly called The Infected. But as sharp as a woman’s freshly
these revoltingly sick undead are cut nails and the gameplay HI, CTC?
not your traditional, lumbering environment as real as the Characters get a little
Resident Evil-kind of monsters— recession. It’ll also be pacing the chatty at times, warning
they’re much quicker (sprinters, game, balancing sudden zombie teammates and attempting
in fact), some of them are much attacks and eerie lulls. So not only to give pep talks amid the get killed, either by the rampaging
stronger, and yes, they pounce will the Infected AI pop out from undead. zombies or your dimwit of a
at you to get a bite out of your vents a la jack-in-a-box, it will also teammate’s loose bullet, you
delectable boby. Set in modern- increase the game’s replay value can always be reborn as another
day LA, L4D throws four survivors due to the different movements survivor inside a locked safe
(open to single-player mode) into you make in take two. In squad- room—that is, if there’s anything left
different urban and base mode, you will either camp of your three unlikely friends.
rural zombie-infested environ- with the human survivors or get a What’s bad about it:
ments and crosses its fi ngers chance to hang with your creepy You’ll be carrying your butt through
while you shoot your way through cohorts. Weapons and skills for disturbingly gloomy hospitals, dark
WORDS: CARA MAIA TANLIMCO

the waves of hungry human- survivors aren’t character specific subways, creepily quiet sewers,
beasts. Your goal as Survivors all throughout the game, so you’re and faint-lighted streets to get
is basically to get from point A to assured of an equal survival rate. to the next safe room...and all a
point B in each of the 20 chapters But if you’re playing for the infected character can fit in his pocket is
and await your rescue. Obviously, side, there are types of “boss one health pack. Good luck to the
The Infected are not going to make infected” mutants that possess next generation. It’s more realistic
your escape from hell a smooth special skills—like a big-bellied and makes for a more challenging
ride, but neither are they heaping Boomer vomiting vision-impairing, trip, but no one wants to die—and
on you incessantly. So expect a lot infected-attracting blood. If you die again. L4D is no hero game

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 29

 Watch out for “zombies killed in the
REVIEWSGAMES making of this fi lm” when the credits
roll after playing Left 4 Dead.
Click 01/09

THE SWINGERS
Blister-inducing pleasures—get
SCARILY FAMILIAR
Playing peek-a-boo gun, SURVIVOR your thumbs ready!
desperately making the undead… Famous onscreen lone
dead. Keep a lookout for the “Boss stars we’ve remotely dealt
Infected”: the boomer, smoker, with
witch, and the tank.

LOST
The survivors are damn stupid. Who
can blame them when there’s a
people-eating black smoke on the
loose? Wait, are the survivors dead?
WORLD OF WARCRAFT:
UNBREAKABLE WRATH OF THE LICH KING
Bruce Willis has a bone density PC
surpassing even superheroes. He It’s the latest expansion. New are the character
survived a train wreck, and came class Dark Knight, the Lich King’s sub-zero
out unscathed and bruise-less. continent Northrend, more customizations, new
Pretty unbreakable but don’t throw profession and inscription. Wow!
water at him though...

CAST AWAY
If you were stuck in Sims 2, your
social skills would go down to zero.
either (so much for your hero little inaccurate. And since L4D’s Good thing you had Wilson the
parade); if you try and go Lancelot man-eaters are bunny hoppers volleyball with you. It’s a shame
(or li’l Red) on your support group and runners, the game may cono
bek ds: happier FedEx couldn’t send you back home.
then you’re going to serve yourself a little too fast and intense for
up as a zombie meal for sure. others’ taste. NPPL CHAMPIONSHIP
I AM LEGEND PAINTBALL 2009
Then you’ll have to wait for them Our verdict: Unlike the familiar At least Will Smith has mannequins
to save you like you’re some kind I am Legend type, the game tests PS2, PS3, XBOX 360, Wii
to flirt with. Mr. Legend’s not Paintball’s holding on to its last breath but
of a damsel in distress. And if they your squad’s ability to operate as only a soldier, he’s also a
don’t…well, let’s just say it’s not a a solid unit. So for those wishing shows pulse action with one. It’s got officially
hunter, and a scientist—tasked licensed gear, authentic tournament locations,
pretty picture. The “AI Director” also for a sole survivor story, to save an infested city. Tough
monitors your team’s fight-ability…if look somewhere else. and field layouts from the NPPL. Now, career
deal, man. and multiplayer mode are up.
you’re weak and injured “the infected” Despite the game’s
will come to you much sporadically, “simple” ends, it proved
but if you’re in your groove, expect to be really challenging
bigger, more regular zombie hordes. and mind-crunching.
So comparing player stats may be a

YOU HAD ME TOMB RAIDER:

UNDERWORLD

AT ‘HALO ‘
The new Halo is here. And it
DS, PC, PS2, PS3, XBOX 360, Wii
The pliant lass with skimpy shorts is back! Here,
she retrieves the Norse God Thor’s hammer.
Lara’s flips are motion-captured from a pro
gymnast so expect better melee moves, facial
came from two decades ago… personality and enhanced physique.

HALO WARS
Where: XBOX 360
ANTWONW, COURTESY OF WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

Halo Wars lets gamers experience

events that took place to the point
where the monster title took off.
This first-person shooter set inside
a real-time strategy environment
will not only get keyboard-burners
to chuck the big rectangle for your DARKSIDERS:
XBOX360 controllers, but will also WRATH OF WAR
let controller freaks get a taste of PS3, XBOX 360
a li’l economy building. Resource This puts you in the boots of one of Apocalypse’s
gathering is secondary here, four horsemen, War. With the help of your love-
keeping tabs on what console- deprived pals, Famine, Death, and Pestilence, you
heads really want: bloody action, kill off every single human only to be stripped of
mate! Halo fans, rejoice! most of your powers. Very God of War.

30 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Female kangaroos are usually
REVIEWSMOVIES permanently pregnant, except
when they give birth.

Tills 01/09

THE
Breath: mood killer
BIG ONE

AUSSIE LADS
No fewer than 15 babies
were born to cast and crew,
one being Kidman’s
daughter, during the course
of the very long filming.

AUSTRALIA
Baz Luhrmann’s new flick is hairy, callow,
and, to some people, good enough to eat
Who? Hugh Jackman (hairy) CINEMARATHON
Nicole Kidman (appetizing) Complementing your popcorn this month…
What’s it about? Set in pre-
WWII Australia, Kidman plays
an English aristocrat who takes
over her inheritance: a ranch
large enough to have its own
government. With the land’s
potential, English cattle barons
try to take over forcing her to get
help from every gay man’s fantasy
dude–a rugged cattle driver
played by Jackman. And, as most
romance novels would unfold, the
dainty, alabaster-skinned aristocrat THE CURIOUS BEDTIME STORIES BRIDE WARS
gets jiggy with the brawny Aussie CASE OF BENJAMIN Who? Adam Sandler (post-Zohan) Who? Anne Hathaway (saucy)
cowboy. BUTTON What’s it about? After watching Kate Hudson (foxy)
What’s good about it? It gives Who? Brad Pitt (getting boring) Sandler in Zohan, you probably think that What’s it about? Brides-to-be who
us two breathtaking eye-candies: Cate Blanchett (milky) those moments were his finest. Well, are drunk on wedding preparations are a
Australia’s vast lush land and What’s it about? The movie watching Bedtime Stories won’t make you lot scarier than a famished lioness. In this
Kidman’s satin nighties. begins with the statement: “I was born think otherwise, that’s for sure. We want the flick, director Gary Winick exploits the
What’s bad about it? under unusual circumstances.” We’re Sandler who gyrates his hips in his cut-off concept of the “bridezilla” myth, with two
You’d think the time you spent guessing mutated parents? Webbed shorts, peddling happiness to old ladies, brides stocking up their artillery of make-up,
watching the lengthy and feet? Bad breath? Once you get to know not the Sandler who’s trying his darndest to hair-dye, and other kikay armaments that
WORDS: RHEA M. CATADA

overindulgent opening scene the predicament of the lonely , sod in make kids and parents feel warm and fuzzy. are supposed to unleash hell on each
should have been used to catch up question—he was born in his 80s and Useful/useless bit: other. If you think catfights are stuff for
on your sleep. ages backwards—you’d want all sorts of Warm and fuzzy Sandler donated a million sissies, better see this for yourself. Brides
The verdict: Once you get over mutations instead. Just imagine trying to dollars to a youth-oriented foundation in his squabbling could trigger a civil war.
the coma-inducing opening scene, lose your virginity at the age of 65. hometown, Manchester, New Hampshire in Useful/useless bit: Hathaway
you’ll appreciate this epic’s healthy Useful/useless bit: The flick is 2007. Then he donated a mere $2,100 to once admitted that she suffered depression
combination of romance, drama, an adaptation of a 1920s story by F. Scott Rudy Giuliani’s campaign the same year. as a teener, but she eventually conquered it
and comedy. Fitzgerald. even without medication.

32 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Nicole Kidman has proven her musical
REVIEWSDVDS genius in Cold Mountain, where she did
all of her own piano playing.

Discs 01/09
THE
Mad cow disease:
terminal
BIG
RELE
ASE
Who: James McAvoy (geek);
Angelina Jolie (smoldering)
What’s it about: Wesley Gibson (McAvoy) is a
25-year old nobody whose mundane life painfully
drones on routinely—chained to a nine to five job
where his boss has a knack of humiliating him on
a normal basis, and a girlfriend who cheats on him
with his best friend. It isn’t until he meets the
fatally gorgeous Fox (Jolie) that life makes
a complete turnaround. Fox then whisks
him off to be part of a secret society
known as The Fraternity, where he is
trained by the group’s cryptic leader
Sloan to avenge his dad’s death. As Wes
goes deeper from the secrets unraveling, he finds
that there’s more to destiny than vengeance
ROOM FOR RENT and a perfect gun aim.
James McAvoy used to be Extras: It comes in not one, not two, but
roommates with House SIX editions! Take your pick from Blu-Ray,
star Jesse Spencer in Widescreen, Full Screen, 2-Disc Special

WANTED
London.
Edition, Blu-Ray Disc Limited Edition, and
Limited Edition Collector’s Gift Set.
Verdict: Two words: Angelina.
Jolie. She can do an entire movie
just knitting, and those lips alone
Guns, cars, and Angelina Jolie will unfailingly draw in the big
—can it get any better than this? bucks.

SLOUCH AWAY!
A nightout with the boys vs.
a night on the couch

THE FILM YOUR MATE YOUR GIRLFRIEND THE FILM NERD MANONG DIBIDI

BRIDESHEAD REVISITED Call it a glorified soap opera The only thing that gets David Yates was slated to I not watch. I not like
if you wish, but Brideshead me about these direct this film, but had to horror movies. What they
Young captain gets assigned do with bride’s head?
at Brideshead Castle during Revisited could’ve period pieces are the let go of his priorities to
pre-WWII in Britain, where he done better in terms costumes. Talk about take on Harry Potter:
meets and gets involved with of interpretation. The Old English, Victorian The Order of the Phoenix .
the mysterious brother and picturesque setting is fashion!
sister of the aristocratic Flyte an eye candy, though.
family.

THE HOUSE BUNNY Sure, Faris got some How dare you say I talk like Anna Faris was a special Wow. There mansion in
laughs out of me. But that! I sooo do not! Like, guest on several episodes States with Pleyboy girls?
Anna Faris gets kicked out aren’t we sick of blondes totally not! of the HBO hit Entourage, How I get there???
of the famous Hugh Hefner playing the clueless where she played as
Mansion. Desperate for a new bimbos already? But hey, herself.
home, she enters a sorority I still would’ve watched
and transforms the girls this one if not for the man,
into superficial glamazons. Hugh Hefner himself.

STEP BROTHERS The Talladega Nights duo Laughing over farts and Step Brother’s director, Andy In Philippines, movie
is back! The uncanny burps? In some parts McKay, is also responsible like this all drama and
See here two man-kids forced comic chemistry of Ferrell of the world, those are for Will Ferrell’s other crying. With Piolo and
to live together after their and Reilly is incredible; actually considered blockbuster movies John Lloyd as brothers.
single parents got married. though the toilet humor disgusting. (Anchorman: The Legend of And Vilma Santos is
They bonded over porn mags, can be too much, you Ron Burgundy, Talladega mother.
ninjas, and choosing not to can’t help but laugh at the Nights: The Ballad of
grow up. stupidity of it all. Ricky Bobby)

BURN AFTER READING After the Oscar award- Like I keep saying, Brad The Coen brothers wrote When I young, my
winning Coen masterpiece can play Frankenstein the screenplay for Burn nickname Brad Breath.
WORDS: MICA SIQUIJOR

An ex-CIA official’s memoir No Country For Old Men, and I’ll still line After Reading while My dentist say eat mint
lands in the hands of two gym I don’t know how I’ll feel up to see it! simultaneously writing the and brush teeth, like
employees. Confidential info is about this one. But with a screenplay for No Country that commercial say.
on the brink of leaking as the powerhouse cast like that, For Old Men.
gym employees blackmail the directors included, you
memoir’s owner. know it’s worth the bucks.

34 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 Mamas and Papas star Cass Elliot met an
REVIEWSMUSIC untimely end when she choked to death
on a sandwich in 1974.
Tuner 01/09

MUSIC LADDER
Releasing decent decibels this month...

ROOTS OF NATURE
Roots of Nature (Sony BMG)
They’ve been gaining recognition for their masterful play of
instruments (acoustic guitar, bass, lots of percussions) and
their curious rendition of Britney’s “Baby One More Time.” While
“Hawakan Mo” begins the record languidly, the musicianship
on “Bring the Pain” and the entirety of succeeding songs more
than make up for the slow start. And while the record seems
rushed—there are really only eight songs, as two are just

BASTI ARTADI
alternate versions—it’s still better than most OPM outputs you
hear on the radio today.

The Wolfgang frontman on coming back,

being a rock star, and growing old
You recently had a concert and Villains instead.
have a new record, all under Is there anything you did
Wolfgang. How did this all differently with this album?
come about? The writing process for the album
A while back I sent a message to was very, very different from our
my friends that I was going home previous efforts. Manuel and I FORTH
to the Philippines to get married. were exchanging emails and The Verve (EMI Philippines)
When Manuel [Legarda] heard this, ideas until we felt that the song It opens with “Sit and Wonder,” a nice sinister number. Immediately,
he reached out to me and asked if I was finished. Then we would you will wonder what took The Verve’s return so long. But then
wanted to do a show. It was during move on to the next song and the “Love is Noise” comes up, mediocre and long, and you remember
the preparations for this show that process would start again. One why The Verve remained a mere mainstay from the ’90s. Songs
the idea of doing a new song came thing that was great was we didn’t here are too long for their own good; even hook-laden numbers
about. When we heard the finished have any time constraints hanging Never like “Rather Be” and “Valium Skies” lose their charm on the fourth
new song we had made, I think we over our heads. It was entirely up considered minute. Is this record any good? Yes, it has its merits. But worth the
were all so blown away that we to us to decide when the album
myself a wait? Only fans will say yes.
got excited and immediately asked would be finished. Technology
each other if we should make a new now is so advanced that it makes rock star. I
album, and the answer was yes. making an album so much easier am a singer
Wolf’s absence in this regardless of obstructions like fi rst and
project and his continued distance, etc.
part in Lokomotiv beg the You can’t seem to stay away
foremost
question: What happened with from the whole scene. Do you and nothing
Lokomotiv? miss being a rock star? more
When we got together for the Never considered myself a
Alive reunion tour last year, we rock star. I am a singer first and
asked Wolf if he would like to foremost and nothing more. Yes, I
partake in everything. It was made missed the music and playing with
clear to us that Wolfgang was my friends, but that is it.
THE AGE OF
not something he was interested Are there things from before
UNDERSTATEMENT
The Last Shadow Puppets (Universal Records)
in at the time, so being that we that you wouldn’t want to do
The Last Shadow Puppets are Arctic Monkeys’ Alex Turner and
were always about the majority and any more?
his favorite collaborator Miles Kane’s side project. Given their
voting and such, we agreed to push Yes. Lots of mistakes. It’s hard to say
WORDS: LOU ALBANO

creds, any listener will expect The Age of Understatement to

on without him. I think this thing had exactly what they are at this moment
be nothing but a dance-punk ditty. But while that can certainly
taken a life of its own and that was but let’s just say our eyes are open
be expected, there is a whole lot more than the usual cheery
undeniable. If Mon [Legaspi] wasn’t now and we are looking at things
numbers. The duo, along with a 22-piece orchestra, beautifully
going to be involved, Manuel and closer as they come, so just to be
achieves that 007/James Bond-ish sound and vibe, heard and
I were still going to push through, sure that we don’t wind up stepping
felt throughout the 12-track affair. A nice pretty twist to the
but we would have called ourselves into some deep manure again.
tired old genre.

36 FHM JANUARY 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

REVIEWSBOOKS Sherlock Holmes never said,
“Elementary, my dear Watson.”

Local lit 01/09 Illustration Tracy Beverly Santuyo

Sunburn: not a problem

BEST FILIPINO PEKSMAN

STORIES: THE [MAMATAY KA MAN]
NVM GONZALEZ NAGSISINUNGALING
AWARDS, 2000- AKO
2005 Eros Atalia
Edited by Gemino Abad and Visual Press Enterprises
Gregorio Brillantes “Beware, Bob Ong!”
UP Press declares UP professor
The short story in Vim Nadera in the
English is a thriving opening pages. And it
genre judging by is not an empty threat,
this collection of 17 as Atalia’s prose
stories awarded the does sing paeans
prestigious NVM to the seemingly

FLIPINO!
Gonzales prize, given mundane, slipping in
the “Best Short Story social commentary so
of the Year” in honor of effortlessly you’re left
the late fiction master wondering what hit you.
and National Artist. Both create characters
This month’s crop yields Pinoy humor, Get this for a sampling whose virtues lie in
timely collections, serious literary fare, of the best and the
brightest in Philippine
being completely
grounded in the real
and cutting-edge releases fiction. world.

PINOY DIARY NI ELLA: DON’T TAKE A MACARTHUR

DYOKSYONARYO: CONFESSIONS NG BATH ON A FRIDAY Bob Ong
THE COMPLETEST ISANG MASAHISTA Neni Sta. Roma-Cruz Visual Print Enterprises

WORDS: CEL COSCOLLUELA; PHOTOS: VINCENT COSCOLLUELA

EDITION Ella Rose No. 88 Tahanan Books Warning: this is
Ferdinand Aguas A&S Publishers Here are all your not the typical Bob
A&S Publishers Meet Ella Rose, aka lola’s dos and Ong stuff you were
Aguas finds humor No. 88. She takes don’ts compiled in expecting. Despite the
in everything Pinoy you through the a neat little volume GIRL TROUBLE understanding. What title being so obvious,
in this dictionary of darkly lit corridors of folk beliefs and Alan Navarra binds it all together this fiction really has
handy and hilarious of massage parlors superstitions. Admit Visual Print Enterprises is the character nothing to do with Mr.
coinages. With where men, and yes, it, it’s hard not to utter Blowing up a of Robin, whose “I shall return.”
new words likes women, moan and a quick “tabi-tabi po” narrative into consciousness Thing is, Macarthur in
“himulmole” for a groan under her skillful as a courtesy to the smithereens is a appears and this selection refers
hairy mole, “negatron” ministrations. This duwende dwelling in very hip concept, disappears in these to that troso-like turd
for pessimists, tastefully sexy book a punso you happen and Navarra blows pages with musings that doesn’t want to
and “PCsero” keeps us engaged to pass. But have it up pretty good. about women, love, go away even after
for bystanders at not only with delicious you ever heard of The visual and the and sex in three several flushing. Tae
computer shops. detail, but with the changing the names written collide in this different languages. here was used as a
Aguas keenly clarity of Ella’s voice: of a sickly kid to “fool book into a collage of So disjointed is Girl metaphor depicting
captures the nuances sharp, soothing, and the spirits who are images, feelings, and Trouble, it reminds a pretty heavy and
of our culture amid seductive, it hits the causing the illness”? moments that keep you a little of Alice in tragic tale. Bottomline:
hearty laughs and right spot like a good You’re sure to find this readers at the brink of Wonderland. It’s not as shitty as it
chuckles. massage. book educational. seems.

38 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

REVIEWSTV Today, there are more than 1.5
billion television sets in use globally.

Tube 01/09

THE
‘Akin yung number eight’
BIGONE

VIVA LAS MALAS!

The choice to place this in
Vegas was not random. Among
US crime labs, Vegas is the
second most active, surpassed
only by the FBI lab at Quantico,
Virginia.

CSI (SEASON 9)
AXN
PREMIERES JANUARY
Who? William Petersen (snoopy),
Marg Helgenberger (slender)
What’s it about? The hit forensic
series returns with a massive
opener, kicking off on a dark note Heads will roll! Let the blood scrubbing begin
when a mainstay investigator is
gunned down. Expectedly, the
Vegas CSI team runs around to
find the killer. Result: high adrenalin
COUCH PARALYSIS
plotlines and jaw dropping twists. Your daily TV fix this month
Expect mysterious cases to build
up, unusually shocking deaths
among the CSI Vegas ranks and
two new faces to gawk at. There will
be a few special guest appearances
in this inning like actor Lawrence
Fishburne who’ll play consultant.
What’s good about it?
Enough with Miami’s Caruso and
New York’s Sinise, Grissom’s back
to sniff out some of the grittiest
lab samples seen on television.
Expect the same forensic action SUPERBAD CLOSURE NO RESERVATIONS
delived with gory, highly-detailed HBO SIGNATURE JANUARY 30, 10PM CINEMAX JANUARY 4, 3PM HBO JANUARY 18, 9PM
explanations. Who? Jonah Hill (profanity king), Who? Gillian Anderson (not-so- Who? Catherine Zeta-Jones (yummy),
What’s bad about it? Michael Cera (stainfree) skeptical), Danny Dyer (not-so-famous) Aaron Eckhart (yabang)
While most of the techniques What’s it about? See two co- What’s it about? That hottie What’s it about? Really has
and technologies used in the dependent adolescents and a teenage nerd from the X-Files ties up with that popular nothing to do with the show of that rock
show are accurate and true-to- (who calls himself McLovin’) put themselves English actor, who happens to be not that star chef Anthony Bourdain but involves
reality, the writers admit that through various degrees of hell just to score famous in Hollywood. The two plays a food, lots and lots. The plot: two top chefs
they “time-cheat.” Tests that take booze and babes. The offbeat triumvirate couple madly in love. That is, until a van fighting for the executive spot. But as
tries way too hard to belong to the “in” full of beastly baddies brutally assaults chick flicks go, heated competition turns
WORDS: RHEA M. CATADA

seconds in the show often take

weeks in real life. crowd and gets there, eventually. This is the dude and rapes the lass. That’s when into a steamy love bout in the kitchen—it’s
The verdict: teeth-cringing hilarity at its finest. revenge is put to play. cheese everywhere, flying in all direction.
It offers out-of-this-world cases our Fast fact: The word “fuck” is used Fast fact: The flick’s not-so- The ladylove will approve.
very own SOCO cannot begin to 186 times in the movie. The movie itself wholesome other name is Straightheads. Fast fact: Jones worked as a server at
imagine. The number one series is is only 118 minutes long. That averages Dyer was the voice behind Kent Paul, a Fiamma Osteria in preparation for the role.
back with enough potboilers ready to approximately 1.6 uses of the word per character in the video game GTA: San When customers say she looks like Jones,
to raise your BP. minute and 84 by Hill alone. Andreas. she would reply, “I hear that all the time.”

40 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 01/09
SPEAKERS
DIGITAL
RADIO
SPORTS
CAR
ROADMAPS
Techknow
World’s shiniest tech toys
Fred & Friends 500XL
Earbud Speakers
With a name like 500XL alone,
you know you’re in for something
big. How it looks is exactly what it
is: a version of the iPod bundled
earphones that’s 500 times larger,
to be exact. This earpiece measures
seven inches long and runs on a
three-way separate power source
AMP! when plugged into your iPod or
Nothing close to how the laptop. Now why would someone
small ones sound, the buy an oversized earphone speaker
500XL has built-in when the small ones are crappy to
amps that belch out begin with, you ask? First off, it’ll
clear, crisp sound for look way cooler than any speaker
full-blast music the other guys use, and secondly,
pleasure. it just shows your taste for big stuff
is always better when it comes to
equipment.
Gimme: P1,995
Available at Power Mac Center,
Greenbelt 3
WORDS AND STYLING: ADRIAN ELUMBA; PHOTOGRAPHER: VINCENT COSCOLLUELA

POWER UP
The 500XL can power up
through batteries or
through your PC’s USB port.
It can also be plugged
directly to your sockets.

WHACKED IDEAS

MASSIVE
The Fred & Friends brand
has been known to
develop crazy ideas to
spice up ordinary
gadgets. To get a feel of

ATTACK!
their other products, visit
wwwworldwidefred.com.

No need for bunny ears to hear

tunes from these blasters
www.fhm.com.ph DECEMBER 2008 FHM 43
 The “@” symbol was introduced and first used in 1971 by

TECHKNOWTESTED Ray Tomlinson while working on ARPAnet to allow mails to

be sent to other hosts on the network.

01/09 Gadgets Photography Vincent Coscolluela

FHM TEST

WOOD TECH
The closest thing you can get to
owning a gold-bearing tree
LED ILLUMINATED
WOOD BLOCK CLOCK
Why’s it good?
When turned off this looks like a
block of polished of timber. But
once plugged in, it reveals a
reddish glow telling you what time
it is. Pretty cool for something that
looks organic.
Gimme: P3,495
GRADO HEADPHONES Available at Cutting Edge, Trinoma
GS1000
Why’s it good?
Before the commercial brands
gutted each other out for headphone
supremacy, the iGrado brand has
TANGENT QUATTRO been blasting music into ears
MKII RADIO worldwide. The GS1000’s price is
Why’s it good? testament enough to the audio
Looking simple and minimalist, this quality you get from these cans.
radio locks on to more than a Gimme: P69,650
thousand radio stations all over the Available at Acoustic Dimension,
world through its WiFi internet PowerPlant
logging access. Trust us, that’s more
frequency than you can handle.
Gimme: P26,450
Available at Acoustic Dimension,
PowerPlant

SOUNDS
FAMILIAR

NEXTBASE GALLERY
13S
WORDS AND STYLING: ADRIAN ELUMBA

Why’s it good?
FOR LIFE! Gone are the days when picture
frames were the suckiest of gifts
you’d expect. This photo frame can
display over a gigabyte of stored
images, plus it has an expansion
card slot to fill its seven-high-
resolution LCD screen.
Gimme: TBA
Available at TechPoint.com.ph

44 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 The first hard drive memory
Apple was able to produce was

TECHKNOWKIT
5MB—pretty huge back then.

01/09 Gadgets

SONY ALPHA A900

HEAVY METAL
Sony releases a whopper with the
first 24-megapixel A900 digital
SLR. It’s loaded with top-dog
features and exudes nothing
but professional appeal for the
photography genius.
Weighty features, solid package GIMME: P164,999 (Body only)
www.sony.com.ph

KODAKAN
MOMENT

APPLE MACBOOK
PRO
Apple just keeps bringing in
techno-innovations to drive the
market crazy. Now it reinvents a
classic with heftier specs, a 15-
inch screen, powered with an Intel
Core 2 Duo 2.53Ghz processor, and
aluminum white finishing touches.
GIMME: P120,000
www.apple.com

ATLAS EZ MAPS 2009 PORSCHE 911

Trotting the best scenic CARRERA COUPE
spots has never been this Refurbished for the modern race,
easy. Get yourself an EZ the new Porsche 911 classic rear-
Map, start planning the wheel drive is dynamic
perfect getaway and never performance on the road. It sports
get lost again. the introduction of a direct-fuel
GIMME: Around P195 injection on a Porsche sports car.
www.emax.com.hk Still enviable and drool-worthy by
any standard.
Gimme: TBA
www.porsche.com
TULIN
MACHINE

SENNHEISER IE8
Stop wasting your iPod’s
quality music with cheap
cans. Grab a pair of the
Sennheiser IE8 and forget
that loud Edsa buses ever
existed with its noise-
isolating feature and sound
tuning function.
GIMME: P22,199 PATHFINDER
www.sennheiser.com

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 45

01/09
COOL FASHION
GRAPHIC TEES
NEW SKINCARE What to
THE NEW buy, how
CASUAL CLUB
to wear it

The FHM guide to...

Cold weather
fashion
Clothes that will keep you warm
while the missus is gone

Rugged Scholarly Sporty

Don’t substitute for redneck, even if you are Do away with the usual layering of dull solids A thick, zip-up jacket, cargos and a beanie: the
wearing big red plaid prints and faded jeans. by mixing two patterns in one get-up. Just poster-boy outfit for the varsity jock gets updated
This hoodie is thin enough to throw over a shirt make sure both prints are subtle and come in with new colors (metallic bronze bottoms), and
on a chilly January evening and solid enough complementary colors. Throw in an unexpected graphic overload. Take this outfit on a post-New Year
to do well on its own. Block sleeves give an color—and a show of spirit—by using neon laces trip up north or when just taking in a movie at the
illusion of layering and added weight. on your footwear. walk-in freezers most cinemas propose themselves.

Plaid hoodie, P949.75, and gray denim jeans, P859.75, both Printed v-neck knit sweater, about P600; long-sleeve striped Red jacket, P4,690, and bronze cargo pants, P3,990, both Tough
Bench, Glorietta, Megamall, Market! Market!; sneakers, shirt, P1,399, and black flat-front pants, P1,199, both Azur Lapis Jeansmith; blue “Almost Single” shirt, P329.75 and gray beanie,
P4,999.95, Diesel, major department stores Lazuli at The Ramp, Glorietta and Landmark, TriNoma; sneakers, P229.75, both Bench; sneakers, P4,999.95, Diesel
P2,295 Gola at Shoe Salon

46 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 STYLEWARDROBE
01/09 Trends

LAURENZE C. CELIS; GROOMING: VIDA JAUCIAN; MODEL: ANDERSON FERNANDEZ OF RECO

PHOTOGRAPHY: CHRISTIAN HALILI; WORDS AND STYLING :ANA KALAW, ASSISTED BY: MARC

Formal Clean Subtle

statement
Add a twist to your formal wear and substitute your Knit shirts in tropical countries have a very limited This jacket is interesting in more ways than one.
coat for a tailored trench. This one in lightweight life span, usually during the nippier months There’s the unusual print. And then there are the
denim is thin enough to prevent sweating and between December and February. To make the cheeky openings under the arms: a subtle way
stupid comments about Matrix-wear in tropical most of this thicker fabric, choose one in a neutral of dealing with the embarrassing sweat patches
climes. Break the monochrome by wearing your color that you can pair with anything, even coffee- you risk incurring when wearing jackets in cotton
get-up with white lace-up sneakers. colored jeans. T-shirt weather.

Black denim trench coat, P1,999; striped vest, P1,499, checkered White knit button-down shirt, P579.75, white belt with gold buckle, Jacket with lightning print, P1,999, Azur Lapis Lazuli; gray
long-sleeved shirt, P1,399, striped tie, P499 and black flatfront pants, about P250, brown denim pants, P799,75, all Bench; white sneakers printed shirt, P600, Dean & Trent at 50th Avenue, Robinsons
P1,199, all Azur Lapis Lazuli at The Ramp, Glorietta and Landmark, with metallic gold detail, P3,295, Gola at Shoe Salon, Glorietta, Galleria; gray jeans, P4,990, Tough Jeansmith, Shangri-La
TriNoma; sneakers, P4,099, Diesel, major department stores Alabang Town Center Plaza; sneakers, P4,099, Diesel

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 47

STYLEITEMS
01/09 Shirts Photography Pat Dy

Shirt takes
Pictures speak louder than anything
VISUAL HEAVY
The trend for graphic tees are
nowhere near abating. It seems man
has finally found the perfect way to
bullhorn himself, albeit a lot subtly
than if he hired his own PR agent.
These days, chest candy goes
from the cute to the mundane, the
political to the nonsensical. The
graphic shirt says you give a
damn—or not.

WORDS AND STYLING: ANA KALAW

101 New Robot tee, P419, Artwork, TriNoma,
York Glorietta
price upon request

HARD WEAR
MONSTER It’s a tough call
INK
“Insist on yourself; never
Artwork Artwork initiate... Every great man
P349.75 P469.75 is unique.” This quote from
Ralph Waldo Emerson jumps
out from the catalog for
the new Tough Jeansmith
fall ‘08 collection. For a
clothing brand that rarely
thinks it’s necessary to pull
the stops, Emerson’s words
echo relevantly, and give a
sharper edge to Tough’s new
collections of printed shirts,
one where faces and icons
help raise individuality.

Artwork Bleach Daily Grind Tough Jeansmith is located

P449.75 Catastrophe PR FOR at dailygrind- at Shangri-La Plaza and
about P700 THE P.I. clothing.com TriNoma.
P500

Team Manila Daily Grind Ang Pamban-

P550 at dailygrind- sang Tshirt at
clothing.com SM Kultura
P400 P499.75

48 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 STYLEHOW TO DRESS
01/09 Faux pas

What’s
wrong
with this CELLPHONE LANYARD
Lanyards are for ID. If you insist on
using them for cellphones, be decent

outfit?
Casual cool or casualty?
enough to let them hang from your
pockets. Besides, wearing your
mobile like an ornament would only
call unwanted attention from
businessmen and cellphone agents,
aka, ahem, holdapers.

SIDE BELT BUCKLE

Some girls tie their belts on the
side and let the rest hang:
acceptable. Some guys wear
buckles on the side for no reason at
all. It’s not only an eyesore but a
COLOR potential moment killer too. Think
COMBINATION about it: You and your missus are
There have been talks on about to do the deed, you can’t take
banning civilians from wearing off your pants because your belt is
WORDS: MARC LAURENZE CELIS; PHOTOGRAPHY: CHRISTIAN HALILI

military prints, and wearing it not where it should be. Boo!

with a blue green piqué shirt KNEE-HIGH SOCKS
won’t help your lobbying against ROLLED DOWN
it—what more with olive green Three valid reasons for wearing
sneakers. When matching knee-high socks: you’re on the
clothes, make sure they aren’t basketball team, you’re a soccer
all dissonant shades of one player, or you’re wearing a Victorian
color; in this case, blue-green, costume. But if you’re not any, just
camo prints, and olive green. Try stick to regular ankle socks—not
picking one color and match it even pulling down those pipes can
with neutral-colored pieces. salvage you. Low-cut socks are
best worn when pairing sneakers
with shorts.

INTO THE WOODS A new clothing brand is coming

up, not quite on the sly

Her name is Bar Refaeli, And oh, the dude is Noam

blonde, blue-eyed, Tur, a contestant on the
supermodel, uber-hot and Israeli version of Survivor
girlfriend of Leo di Caprio. and his surfer ‘do is pretty
She’s a fox! Appropriate, tight. His clothes, too.
considering she’s one-half He’s standing right next
of the duo endorsing Fox, to a mega-babe so he’s
the popular Israeli brand probably doing something
that’s looking to make a right.
mark on the sensibilities of Fox is located at
the P.I.’’s fashion followers. Greenbelt 5.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 49

STYLEGROOMING
01/09 Products Yayay De Castro Phtography

Fresh!
Shed your dead skin cells with these new brands

HUMAN HUMAN BAXTER OF JURLIQUE CITRUS MITCHUM BAXTER OF

HEART NATURE HEART NATURE CALIFORNIA OIL- PURIFYING MIST SCENTED ANTI- CALIFORNIA
NOURISHING ALOE VERA & FREE MOISTURIZER What would a normal PERSPIRANT AND HERBAL MINT
SHAMPOO GUAVA FACIAL Said to be the line for the heterosexual male need with DEODORANT TONER
Organic is no longer an WASH ultimate playboy, Baxter of a purifying mist, a citrusy one Would you miss out on a The griffin, which appears as
expensive privilege. This Who would have thought the California tries to make a play at that? Ask again in the deodorant? This roll-on the brand’s logo, was said to
shampoo with aloe vera and nondescript bayabas would in the local retail scene. This middle of the day when you’re promises to be so effective have medicinal properties in
peppermint is 100 percent be loaded with antibacterial hydrating lotion has a plant- skin feels as sticky and grimy that you can actually skip its claw. This is steeped in
organic and was created by properties that help soothe based technology that like a bubblegum on a a day and no one would legend, for sure, but the
Gandang Kalikasan, Inc, a acne-prone skin? Part of your restores the skin’s moisture countertop. This spray know. You’ll only know the ability of this hydrate to help
sister company of Gawad purchase also goes to charity. barrier. (about P1,000 for instantly clears up skin and truth behind the claim if clear and refresh skin are all
Kalinga. (P88.75 for 200 ml; (P99.75 for 100 ml; www. 120ml; Dean and Trent, 50th sensibilities. (P1,195 for 30 you test it yourself. (about real. (about P900 for 300 ml;
www.humanheartnature.com) humanheartnature.com) Avenue, Robinsons Galleria. ml; Greenbelt 5) P89 for 44 ml; Watson’s Dean and Trent)

WORDS AND STYLING: ANA KALAW AND MARC LAURENZE CELIS

FOOD FOR
Most avoid the number Quite literally favorite in Australia and
13 like a plague. “food for the skin” New Zealand. With
However for bodycare because of its natural ingredients formulated
brand Radox, it ingredients, this new for both psychological

THE SKIN seems to have dealt

some luck. There are
13 herbs and sea
line of products is
the perfect product
to give your skin the
and physical benefits,
Radox’s bath staples
are quite affordably

AND SOUL minerals in their body

wash and shower
gel, all guaranteed
to moisturize without
nourishment it needs
while providing relief
from everyday stress.
Launched in the
price at P199 for the
500 ml and P165 for
the 200 ml.
Radox is sold
Herbs and minerals that will leave your skin drying the skin—like UK in 1908, Radox exclusively at
soft and healthy ordinary bar soaps do. has since become a Watson’s.

50 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

BANISH ALL THOUGHTS OF POLITE PAGEANTRY AND EARLY

MOTHERHOOD, FROM NOW ON IT’S A NEW
CARLENE AGUILAR YOU’LL BE SEEING!

PHOTOGRAPHY: DOC MARLON PECJO

INTERVIEW: ALLAN P. HERNANDEZ
STYLING: REY SANTOS; MAKEUP: TOTO
BAGAMASBAD; HAIR: RUBEN DELLOMOS
SPECIAL THANKS TO MS. LOLIT SOLIS AND
GORGY RULA
 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

Who’s sorry now? what she has to say about life. He

Not us. We thought about this will swallow hard when she drops
once and quickly decided, “why she accepted. The best part, for him a few words.
not?” Carlene Aguilar deserves which we are grateful, is that she And then—we can only make

W
to be here. No debates ensued. allowed herself to be shot in a fish up a scene here—he is going to
And after the shoot was over and tank with no complaints that the whack his head thinking, “What
done with, we had only this to say: water in the beginning smelled like was I thinking?!”
She is damn long. She is endless. rotting cabbage (it was the tank.
Those legs will and should go on We cleaned it up and replaced Ace lensman Doc Marlon is
forever. Even a glass tank full of the water. Carlene couldn’t smell telling us you’re quite scared to
water couldn’t contain them. If a thing because she had a cold). do this shoot—why?
we had to pay for extra magazine As you can see here, not even I’m not that afraid. It’s just that I
paper to accommodate the whole refraction in water could distort her. want this shoot to come out really
lot of her, we would. So we’re guessing some local good and very classy. And (looks
No, we are not sorry. actor who’s currently doing a TV at the huge fish tank being filled
And neither is Carlene Aguilar. stint mimicking Toby McGuire and with water)—dahil lulubog ako sa
To her credit, she took an active his web-slinging character is. aquarium! I’ve been told you’ve not
part in this shoot by personally Somebody has probably passed done anything like this so it should
selecting the pegs we were to be on a copy of this very magazine to be very exciting. Besides, I was
inspired by. We have not had to him in between shooting breaks, at the one who chose this concept
SWIMWEAR FROM PINK BELTER; BANGLES

swallow our pride much begging 3 AM when everyone is knackered among the pegs you’ve cooked
FROM SABELLA; EARRINGS FROM ALDO

her to say yes, as is the case with working since the previous dawn up for this shoot so titingnan ko
some of the women on our wish list, and sleep is not anytime soon. after the shoot kung nagkamali ba
either because they feel they aren’t He is flipping through ako sa pagpili. I’m thinking, “Will
ready yet or their endorsement the pages, at first with cool I come out refracted in water?”
deals with wholesome brands indifference, then with a little “How long will I have to hold my
don’t allow it. We offered and twitch in the neck veins as he breath?” Things like that…
scans the pictures. He is careful
to note that Carlene has never
talked to him about doing this
before. Then his mouth will go a
little dry when he begins reading

54 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

To put this in perspective:

Most times we interview after
shoots, and by then the models
are already comfortable. You,
however, are like waiting for your
turn at the Chinese water torture
chamber. The feeling is justified.
But being a beauty queen, are
shoots like this natural to you?
Hindi rin, ha ha! Just because
you’re a beauty queen doesn’t
mean wearing swimsuits, say, for
a shoot. I’m comfortable with my
body—I can wear swimsuits—but
I’m not really comfortable being
photographed in one.
But aren’t pageants weirder?
You walk in a swimsuit in front
of thousands of people on live
television watched by millions
more. For this shoot there are
only, what, 10 or so of us…
You know what, it doesn’t make any
difference to me. Kasi may stage
fright ako. It doesn’t matter if I’m in
front of a live audience or the crew
here. Hindi nawawala yung kaba ko.

56 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 same thing applies pag nakikita ko
ang mukha ko [in a magazine].
You must be in the wrong
An FHM debut by any actress industry. As Janice de Belen in the ‘80s
is viewed as her first step to a Yun nga, ha ha ha! Wala lang, would have said, was God with
bigger, bolder career—is this the gusto ko lang ma-experience lahat. you when you did it?
case with you? You only live once, di ba? I’d rather You see, I’m a Catholic—so mali
Hindi naman. I just want to do this than work in an office, kasi talaga yun. Yes, it was an accident.
experience how it is to pose on a I’m the type of person na hindi But I can’t say that I regret it.
cover of a magazine in a bikini. mapakali sa isang lugar. Would you be an advocate
But you do realize this will be of safe sex now if a group
a life-changing experience one PLEASURE approached you?
way or other? AND PAIN Now yes, but—God forbid!—di ba
Siguro. Sana I get positive Everyone knows you just put a yung Church and State laging
feedback for it considering it was child into this world, so would magkalaban [on this issue] so my
only fairly recent when I gave birth you tell us exactly how painful mind is also like that. Siyempre
to my son Calix. That’s why I also giving birth is? we’re only human kaya…ano ba
want to come out on the FHM (Laughs long and full) Iniisip ko yan…ha ha ha!
cover. Iba pa rin pag nanganak kasi kahit na nanganak ako parang Since you’re no stranger to
na ang isang babae. I think kahit pakiramdam ko virgin pa rin ako! the subject of sex: What is the
mom ka na you should never stop Pero it’s really excruciating pain— surefire way of knowing that a
being hot. Taking care of your more than a 10 on a scale of one woman is enjoying it?
body shouldn’t end at motherhood. to 10. But it’s worth it. Malalaman mo talaga kapag
Dapat nga mas lalo mo pang Having felt all that, do you think may nilalabas nang sound yung
pangalagaan. it’s worth all the pleasure you woman. Although I’ve read
Are you rehearsing your went through making the baby? somewhere that you can fake it,
reaction when you finally I guess. Parang bumabalanse lang. sa tingin ko once na nasasarapan
see your FHM cover in the na siya meron siya talagang
newsstands? sound, moaning ganun. That’s the
Actually, hindi ko iniisip yan kasi I time when you know something
don’t even like watching myself on pleasurable is being felt. Or
TV, kasi parang nahihiya ako, the painful, for that matter.

www.fhm.com.ph DECEMBER 2008 FHM 57

 What to you is the most
pleasurable part about sex? really admired the physical traits
I guess it’s the natural high you of the human being. Chubby pa
get from the moment. Pero sa nga ang sexy sa kanila. We should
mga nagbabasa ng FHM ha, be thinking that way, too, so that
I’m not telling you to just do it. women who are not confident
I’m telling you to be responsible, with their bodies will think more
because I’ve reached that point positively about themselves. Kasi
in my life when I wasn’t too hindi naman model type-skinny
responsible, ha ha ha! body equals perfect body.
But is nudity something you can
THE DEGREE do, say, for a movie?
You’re currently enrolled at the I can’t say I can. Hanggang
University of the Philippines. two-piece lang ako—for other
What are you majoring in? people’s eyes lang yun, ha ha ha!
Art Studies. I’m taking that up But I would pose nude if I were
because I hate math and science. Picasso’s subject. I want to see
But I’m also just fascinated with my body not as it is and I like that
art history and critique—everything Picasso opens up his subjects in
about our world is art. his cubist experiments.
As an art student, where do you What do you plan to do with
stand on the issue of nudity? your college education?
Sobrang ganda ng katawan ng My course is really in
babae. Yung sa lalaki di masyado, Interdisciplinary Studies so my
ha ha ha! So ipakita mo yun. minor is Psychology but I want to
Noong Renaissance nga they take more Education courses and
then I’ll major in SPED—special
education. The plan is to teach
children.

58 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

If this had been the time of You were that close to being
activism, would you have joined No, it was all an accident. Suwerte in the finals of the second We learned that you had a brief
the student movement like what lang. Kasi sa pageantry malaki ang Celebrity Duets. What do you stint in Hong Kong, can you tell
fellow beauty queen and now part ng luck, pwedeng matalino ka think got you the boot? us more about that?
NGO worker Nelia Sancho did in lang o ikaw ang pinakamaganda Sa votes ng mga tao, hindi lang It was a seven-month modeling stint
the ‘70s? sa lahat pero hindi type ng mga siya pumantay sa mga votes ni but I got homesick so I decided
I had actually joined a rally in UP judges ang beauty mo. I’m just Kuya Joey [Marquez]. Sabi niya to come back, at saka narito rin
recently, protesting against tuition lucky na type ako ng mga judges. mga 20 votes lang ang lamang ang love life that time so that’s
fee increase. I really don’t agree For my part I was just happy to niya. But it was a good experience. another reason. Baliw ako noon,
that UP should increase its tuition be there kasi masaya lalo na pag Ang gusto ko lang talaga hindi pero ngayon marami na akong
kasi marami tayong mga kabataan international pageants. You get to ako ang unang matanggal. On the natutunan so hindi na ako ganun.
ngayon na matatalino pero hindi meet a lot of people, kahit saan ka first year of Celebrity Duets kasi But the more important reason for
makapasok sa UP kasi ang mahal. magpunta may house ka. Maraming the first one to be eliminated was coming back was that I wanted to
Kailangan talagang bigyan ng perks. But of course there are a beauty queen. Beauty queen din finish school. It wasn’t a wasted
opportunity ang mga batang ito na disadvantages like having to ang unang natanggal this season, opportunity, though, I needed the
makapag-aral kasi malay mo sila contend with issues like exploitation si Ms. Melanie Marquez, so parang stint to experience how it is to live
ang makapagpabago sa Pilipinas? of women, but that really depends “Ano ba ito, curse?!” But I was a fast-paced life in another country.
You have to open the school. on the person joining. able to perform in the finals. Ang Pampered kasi ako rito.
Is FHM exploiting women? saya niya kasi mas dream ko Your job requires you to go
BECOMING Hindi ko masasabi na exploitation talagang maging singer kaysa international yet you get
FAMOUS of women ang mag-pose sa FHM. maging beauty queen. homesick. You’re an actress
At various times in your pageant If a woman posed out of her own After Celebrity Duets, do you who doesn’t want to see
stint you were Miss Philippines free will, anong mali roon? Mali think you can hack a career as a herself on screen. So far we’re
Earth, Miss Chinatown Manila, kapag you forced or misled her. pop star? gathering that you’re a tangle of
Binibining Pilipinas-World. Are And kung maganda naman ang Marami nang magagaling na contradictions.
you a career beauty queen? pagkakagawa di ba? The point is singers, so I’ll just leave it to them. Oo, lagi akong kailangang mag-
there wouldn’t be any magazine decide. Can I just have the best of
like this kung hindi siya maganda. both worlds? I guess I just want
to become successful in whatever
I’m doing now. I want to be a great
mom to my son Calix and I want to
finish school.
There is going to be one local
actor who will see you in this
magazine and say, “What was I
thinking?”
Eat your heart out! Hindi, friends
na talaga kami. Well, ang masasabi
ko lang, sobrang happy na ako
ngayon. FHM

SHOES FROM CHARLES AND KEITH; SWIMWEAR

FROM SATIN; ACCESSORIES FROM CRU

For more exclusive photos of

Carlene, log on to www.fhm.com.ph.

www.fhm.com.ph DECEMBER 2008 FHM 59

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

SWIMWEAR FROM SATIN; ACCESORIES FROM CRU

60 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

SWIMWEAR FROM PINK BELTER; ACCESORIES FROM ALDO

62 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

I think kahit mom ka
na you should never
stop being hot.
Taking care of your
body shouldn’t end
at motherhood

www.fhm.com.ph DECEMBER 2008 FHM 63

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

64 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 Girls of FHM Carlene Aguilar

I’m not shutting

myself out to
men. It’s just that
I’m so happy
right now

66 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 RT Y
DI RO rds

A L E A K P t wit
h mere
wo

T LI K
l
s me
su
mis
e the
k
d ma
an
oose
l
Let

WORDS: MARC LAURENZE

CELIS, JAD MELEGRITO, JOSH
WOODFIN, JUSTIN QUIRK
 Dirty Talk

Sex-obsessed research has shown

S
that men’s sexual responses are
more on visual stimuli while women
get turned on by aural cues. This
presents some peculiar problems to
men: How exactly must one sound
to get her to bed willingly? Panting
like a hyena seems too demeaning.
Breathing down hard on her might
be detrimental to her health.
Fortunately, FHM has
figured out that words, when
stringed together right, do help in
unleashing her passion. It’s all in
the timing and execution.
Here we present you with
some crucial bits of wisdom in
order to talk her into undressing,
getting to bed, and thanking you
for some wonderful action. By
using dirty words right, you can
execute the deed—cleanly. This
is your ultimate guide to Sex
Talk, from first text to mid-thrust
bellow. A product of years of
scientific research, socio-linguistic
experiments, and relationship-
Kitikitext

3
ending pillow talk disasters. These sex
‘Boss, I’m on videophone now.
are the only steps you’ll ever need. Maybe you’d reconsider on not On average, a girl
We’ve been through them all, just giving me a raise?’ spends a total of six
so you don’t have to.
hours a day on her
Take her cues ‘Winner ka cellphone texting. Use
1 She knows her body more than
you do. Add to that the fact that
she knows what turns her on and
talaga, sister’ this to your advantage. Text her simple
compliments on how great she looked
that you just missed the chance
to make her explode. We’re
last time you saw her and ramp it up
telling you to talk to her and find from there. Try asking what she’s planning
out what she wants you to do. to wear the next time you do the romp,
During foreplay, ask her “You like
that…?” or something similarly
and what she plans to do to you. Texting
encouraging. If she’s not too keen etiquette still applies, but again, they’re on
on what you’re doing, move on your side: Make her realize the ecstasy
to your next masterful technique.
Her guidance teaches you how
you’re feeling by shouting in ALL CAPS.
to make her orgasm faster and But please, spell words completely and no
when she’s done, she’ll be happy LOL, LMAO, and OMG.
to return the favor. You see, not
all things you know about her
body are carved in stone. In sex Add mystery
author Nikki Gemell’s book The
Bride Stripped Bare, she surveyed
numerous women and discovered Make it seem
4 Telling her directly that you want
her right this minute may or may
not work. But if you go about it
something you really thought was
Cleaning floors:
not boring
2 like her idea
Ask and you shall receive. Making
a request in the bedroom will
in a roundabout way, what you’re
saying will be more open to
suggestion, and better received.
get you what you want faster Be more “artfully vague” since
than if you demanded it (unless it gives the listener an illusion of
you’re into that kind of thing). control. Instead of saying, “I want
Tell each other what you want. a blowjob, give me one!” say,
Encourage her by saying things “Something feels funny down here,
like “harder,” “rougher,” or “don’t you could make me feel better…”
stop.” Using key words get the
message across faster. Take it
from advertising and say any one
(or more) of these: Amazing, great,
right all along: A third of women sensational, remarkable. And keep
don’t like anything to do with their those compliments coming; you’ll
breasts, yet this is something men want to keep her in the mood
dwell on during foreplay. while you both go at it.
 Dirty Talk

Email attachment: Things to avoid

high priority
7 Words. Judge how a word
sounds phonetically. “Hard”
consonants make it sound dodgy
like the words “twat,” “spunk,” and
“cunt”. Scientific words, on the
other hand, make it worse. Using
terms like “copulate,” “penis,” and
“vagina” just breaks the spell,
while “pussy,” “cum,” “fuck,” and
“ass” are okay.
The local dirt. Swearing in
Filipino while in bed is something
very common and very real, but
all the rules in dirty talking are the
same whether in English or in the
vernacular. Don’t say, “Putang
ina mo, ang sarap!” try saying,
“Putang ina, ang sarap!” Don’t
amaze her by using not so often
used slangs like “hiyas,” “dede,”
and “tarugo.” There’s a reason they
Naughty love notes
5 Put some spice in your little
notes, but keep it vague should
friends and officemates intercept
aren’t used so often.
Clichés. Difficult to avoid, but as
a rule think it over before blurting
them out. Whenever you’re saying
the message and embarrass you
something obviously false or too
both. You can’t write, “Let’s fuck
general, like when you constantly
again tonight,” that would be too
tell a woman that it’s “the best
incriminating. A simple “Tonight?”
ever,” she’ll defenitely know
is terse, mysterious, yet very
you’re lying. Don’t also state the
direct. This is what we mean by
blindingly obvious: “I’m fucking
the sheer power of words.
you hard,” “I’m sucking your tits,”
“I’m licking your pussy.”
The one and only. Even positive
comparisons can boomerang at
you very badly. Never compare
your honey to your ex. Bringing the
image of another woman into bed
with you can be as risky as the
Burn the
phone
real thing. She wants to feel like
she’s got your undivided attention,
so she can really let go and enjoy
herself.
Breaking the sanctity of the
“confession box.” Never repeat
8 lines
The only two
scenarios we approve
of phone sex: When
things she has said in the heat
of the moment the next day. It’ll the two of you are miles apart, and when
The getting-to-know-
you stage: effective
only embarrass her and ensure you’re on your way to her doorstep.
that she never relaxes around you
again. What she says when she’s
Getting dirty on the phone is crucial for
It takes two to tango cutting loose in long-distance relationships lest infidelity
6 You’re not alone when romping,
so stop hogging the action and
let her do her thing, too. If she’s
the bedroom
should stay
there.
strikes. No matter what time zone you’re
in, call her to butter her up. Call her
keeping quiet and distant, make before you leave work and tell her
her part of the act. And don’t do
it with close-ended questions.
you’re thinking about her. When you
Asking “yes” or “no” questions leave the office, tell her what you’ve
will only make things a lot more been thinking about doing. Then a
awkward than it is. Leave the
question open and she’ll
series of calls with instructions on
participate in the sex by being taking her clothes off, what you
more than a passive observer. want to see her wearing, and
“How does that feel?” or “Tell
me about…” will bring her where you want her to lay
out of her shell and possibly waiting for you. By the
give you an X-rated response.
This makes her privy to what’s
time your key is in the
happening. In other words: Stop The Croats overtook the
key hole, she’ll be very
telling her what to say. French on kissing skills eager for you to enter.

70 FHM DECEMBER 2008 www.fhm.com.ph

 ‘For security purposes,
may I know your mother’s
maiden name?’

DON’T KISS,
JUST TALK!
A mouthful of bacteria are raring to
call your puckers home

CANCER SORE in the form of lesions and

A painful rashes
open sore Cause: Allergic reactions
inside the to medications for high
mouth or blood pressure, heart
upper throat disease and arthritis
Cause: Stress, fatigue, Cure: Oral steroids,
accidental biting, sudden Aloe vera
weight loss, and food
allergies CHEILITIS
Cure: Rinse with salt Lip inflam-
water or over-the-counter mation
mouthwash for severe that may
ulcers; corticosteroid is lead to
prescribed pre-malignant lesion
Cause: Anemia, Vitamin
COLD SORE B12 deficiency, and iron
Oral deficiency
herpes Cure: Topical anti-fungal
found drugs
in and
outside the mouth, LEUKOPLAKIA
sometimes even in your White
genitalia, face, and hand. plaques
Cause: Herpes on the
transmission caused by mouth and
discordant partners tongue, which may cause it
Cure: Over the counter to look hairy if not treated
cream Cause: HIV and extreme
tobacco intake
ORAL CANDIDIASIS Cure: Avoiding chronic
An irritants and a biopsy should
infection be done surgically removing
Master the alphabet of yeast the pre-cancerous lesion

10 Test your spelling skills as you

go down on your woman. The
vaginal opening has the third most
fungi on
the mucous membranes of
the mouth
NOMA
Bacterial
number of sensitive nerves on Cause: Diabetes, infection
a woman’s body, next to the clit antibiotic side effect, that
and the anus. Start with the ABC oral piercings, dentures, festers
technique. Place your tongue smoking with facial tissues
either to the side or at the top of Cure: Topical anti-fungal Cause: Protein
her clitoris and start writing the drugs malnutrition
alphabet. Listen out for approving Cure: Can be slowed
sounds as you go through each HECK’S DISEASE down by antibiotics
letter, note them and combine An oral and improved nutrition;
Circumcisions: like a sexy word search. Or, for a infection however, its physical
hi-tech game, ask her what words you’re with wart- effects are permanent
licking (I.A.M.G.E.T.T.I.N.G.M.O.U. producing
Change your voice T.H.C.R.A.M.P.S.). papillomavirus GINGIVITIS

9 For most, a deeper voice makes

you all the more desirable. It’s
associated with command, power,
Cause: Shared glasses
and utensils, kissing
Cure: Topical anti-fungal
Irritation of
the gums
caused by
and authority. Your vocal cords treatment plaque that
control the pitch of your voice, so accumulates in the small
the looser/longer it is, the deeper LICHEN PLANUS gaps between the gums
you sound. Try to relax, and speak Inflammatory and the teeth and by tartar
a little more slowly. But don’t disease that forms on the teeth
overdo it, Isaac Hayes. Some that Cause: Bad oral hygiene,
women get off on a mere whisper. affects smoking
Experiment. Talk to the mirror. the skin around the mouth Cure: Vitamin A FHM
“Hey, you talkin’ to me?”

‘I’m the vacuum

to your carpet!’ www.fhm.com.ph DECEMBER 2008 FHM 71
Girls of FHM Avi Siwa

FROM DROPPING A BOMB ON NATIONAL TV, TO GOING

ALL BUSINESS-Y, TO ENDORSING BREAST SURGERY,
AVI SIWAʼS KEEPING US ALL ON A TIGHT LEASH!
INTERVIEW: B.A. BORLEO
PHOTOGRAPHY: PAOLO PINEDA
STYLING: PATRICIA CORONADO
OF YUNIKWITA; ASSISTED BY AJ
ALBERTO; MAKEUP: TATIN YANG;
HAIR: RONIE MISA FOR KIEHL’S
STYLIST SERIES; SPECIAL THANKS
TO ANDY REQUINTINIA AND DR. ABE
MARINDUQUE OF BEVERLY HILLS 6750
 Girls of FHM Avi Siwa

We all take risks.

Are you still the same girl we
remember from Out?
I’m calmer now. These days
I surround myself with very
successful business mentors. I
Whether it be about mundane listen more and take more criticisms
things like deciding to match your properly, really trying to integrate
favorite red shirt with your green them into my life. But still a little
pants—making you look like a wild, ha ha!
walking Christmas tree, which, in Now you’re with endorsing
our book, makes you no closer to breast revision. We heard this is
alpha-male status. Or making very your fourth operation. Why so
tricky choices, like determining how many?
to best spend your salary: new I had two operations with my first
sneakers or the nearest beer joint. doctor. I wasn’t happy with the size
But if there’s anything we and the look. The second doctor,
learned from model/TV host/ my third surgery, it was a little better
entrepreneur Avi Siwa, it’s that life but I still wasn’t happy with the size
wouldn’t be fun without risks. Heck, and how it was placed. Honestly, I
her life’s been full of them. really didn’t want to do it again. But
Four years ago she decided to there’s a part of me that I just had
admit her bisexuality on national TV, to satisfy. So I did it and I’m very
even discussing it in her October happy.
2004 FHM cover appearance. Then Well, why did you have them in
she decides she wants to settle the first place?
down with a guy. When that didn’t It’s about wanting to feel more like
work out, she comes back home a woman. I feel that without it you’re
and dives straight into the business incomplete as a woman. I was 20
pit. Now, she’s championing self- when I first had it done.
enhancement by promoting breast How big is big enough for you?
revision surgery—she’s had four It’s not that. I’m not really after
herself!—with upstarts Beverly Hills how big it is. It’s how it looks, the
6750. proportion. For me, now, it’s really
“It’s natural,” she says of all the perfect. I don’t think I would like
things that happened to her. Just to go bigger. It’s the best size, the
as naturally, we also took a risk right shape. This is enough. I don’t
and inquired about her two latest like going overboard with anything. I
“endeavors”… don’t want too much.
So what good has this brought
It’s been four long years since you? Aside from the obvious
your FHM debut. Has anything breakthrough results.
changed? Definitely I feel much more
A lot. Well, I think I’m now more confident, ha ha! Just because
matured and more focused with that outspoken about what I really I don’t have to worry about how
what I want to do. In terms of wanted to do because I didn’t they’d look when I wear something.
career, there’s a shift. I’m now know. There were so many options Now I don’t have to worry about
focusing on building my business. for me, so many opportunities. I was anything, so that’s nice.
I’m actually into a lot of things but and all these things were everywhere. But I always had this Are you in any way concerned
mainly fashion and entertainment. happening to me. entrepreneurial spirit in me. that guys stare at them first?
I’m also launching a clothing line to And now you’re Avi Siwa Inc.! Let’s relive Out. Do people still Like I said, I don’t really care. I’m
add to my little empire, “Sly.” Something like that. Ha ha! Well, ask about your time in it? very solid as an individual. I guess
DENIM CROPPED VEST AND MICRO MINI BY DAX BAYANI (09053602266)

You were off the radar in those when I came back I wanted to build After the show, honestly, I was I’m used to it. I mean, people look
four years. Where did you go? my own brand, my name. I used overwhelmed. I didn’t expect especially when you’re pretty or
When my FHM cover was shot, it to have a lot of business partners, that we were going to make that hot or sexy. But to answer your
was for my TV show, Out. But at now I’m doing it on my own. I make much impact in the whole country, question, if they do that, what can
the time I wasn’t really sure where I decisions for my company. I’m even out of the country. I would you do, right? If you wear something
was going. I mean everything that I learning slowly this time while also get hundreds of mails every day. sexy, of course they’re going to look.
was doing was more spontaneous trying to relearn everything again. I never knew what other people I don’t get offended. It’s very natural
compared to now that I know what Does this mean you’re now were going through, those who for people to look.
I really want to do. I’m more aware swimming in cash? were in the closet, because in my Men have this fantasy about
of everything. It’s very, very different I wouldn’t say swimming. But I’m life everybody’s out. In the fashion women feeling each other’s
now. After the TV show, did a few at the stage of placing things business, everybody’s who they boobs to, you know, compare
independent movies. I signed up for myself. I’m also checking out are. So I didn’t see the other side notes. Has anyone ever asked
with a local film company and had different things right now to create of it, the drama of being gay. What to touch yours?
a modeling and events company. this empire that I want to build. I really loved with that show is Oh yeah, definitely. And I let them.
Then I got engaged; I was engaged Does trying to build an empire that I learned things. I mean, no It’s okay. They’re just curious while
for about a year. Then it didn’t mean you no longer have time regrets. We got to help a lot of some of them want to have theirs
work out so I came back last year. for some fun? people, help parents understand done too so I don’t mind.
But that whole year I knew I really You know, actually, people see me their kids and even straight people Would you extend the same
wanted to get into business so I was as this party girl but even before I’d who were homophobic. For me, it courtesy to a curious man?
actually teaching myself how to run a always been the same. Probably was a success even though it was A man? Ha ha! He’s got to be really
business while I was traveling, before I wasn’t just that focused or short-lived. hot and I got to like him, ha ha!
FHM
74 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph
I don’t really care
what other people
think of me.
I’m very solid as
an individual

SWIMWEAR BY DAX BAYANI (09053602266)

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 75

 Girls of FHM Avi Siwa

76 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 I’m checking out
different things right
now to create this
empire that
I want to build

LACED UNDERWEAR BY DAX BAYANI (09053602266)

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 77

Tough Times
 WORDS: ALEX C. PAITA, KHYNE PALUMAR
ILLUSTRATIONS: JASON CONFESOR

Disasters will come in all forms and jargons as early as

the date reads 01.01.09! Kick in your survival instincts into
high gear! It’s the only option that can save you!

NATURAL DISASTERS When mother nature raises her middle finger

Impending doom: Rain. immediately think of earthquakes
Torrential rain. Rain that washes and volcanic eruptions, although
off mountainsides and buries that happens, too, because the
towns. This is when rejoicing at Philippines is vulnerable to tectonic
the announcement of a class disturbances and we’re located on
suspension just doesn’t feel right. the volcanic ring. What we [prepare
Expert’s take: “It was typhoon for are] landslides, flooding,
Frank that struck the country with displaced persons—all
the most catastrophic consequences brought about by
consequence in 2008,” ex- typhoons. The Philippines has on
National Disaster Coordinating average 27 typhoons a year, nine of
Council director of operations which have disastrous effects. And
Agnes Palacio says. “We don’t we can expect the same in 2009.”

FHM says:

Make like a good boy scout and like your WWII veteran lola by
be prepared. Your emergency hoarding canned goods, rolls
kit should have: candles, of tissue, potable water. To be
rechargeable lamps, first-aid, sure, throw in inflatable rafts,
and emergency telephone fire extinguishers, helmets, and
numbers. You can also make tranquilizers.
 Tough Times

VIRUSES
Down with the sickness!

Impending doom: The World

Health Organization lists 12
diseases that are poised to
wreak havoc on our systems this
year—including cholera, ebola,
typhoid, hepatitis, cardiovascular
diseases, new forms of influenza,
and a new virus from South Africa
and Zambia. Influenza alone kills
roughly 500,000 people each year!
Expert advice: Killer parasites
come to you through physical
contact, food or air. The
Department of Health advises to
handle food properly—separate
raw and cooked food, store
them in the fridge, use safe
water and raw materials. And get
enough rest, take your vitamins,
wash your hands regularly and
stay away from ill-looking co-
passengers.

FHM says:
Make your own Vitamin C!
You’ll need: Grapefruit,
tangerines, oranges,
lemons or limes
1 Wash and peel the fruit.
2 Cut the peel into small
pieces. Let them dry under
direct sunlight.
3 Using a grinder, pulverize

C a r e e r OPPO RTUNITIES Will they still knock? the fully dried peels.
4 Store in an airtight
container. Ready!
Impending doom: BPO companies
closing shop. Nurses and domestic FHM says:
helpers being sent back from
abroad. Banks tightening on money Work abroad without leaving
loan deals. Local companies cutting the country. Freelance
costs and retrenching employees. “overseas” jobs on the
Lucky for you if you have a job right Internet abound. Head on
this moment, but you will struggle to to www.manila.craigslist.
keep it. Too bad if you don’t—you will com for whatever racket
fight to have it. best suits you. Check for
Expert’s take: “Companies will credibility to guarantee you’ll
spend less and continue to cut get paid. Or cultivate a social
costs,” Astro del Castillo, managing conscience and work for
director of money firm First Grade an NGO—they pay little and
Holdings Inc., forewarns. Though he are contract-based, but they
thinks there won’t be mass slaughter pay. Or stay in school. After
of the already employed. “I think four years of undergrad, go
1998’s financial crisis has taught for a master’s degree. Then
us better, when companies let go go to Law school. Throw in
of employees en masse, which hurt a vocational course. Have
them in the long run” says Castillo. your parents pay for it. By
“But companies will definitely be the time you’re done with
particular about money leaving school, the crisis would
their turf. They’ll scrimp, and what’s have been over and your
painful on the employees’ part is that competence would have
employers can even cut back on slightly improved.
their benefits.”

80 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

R I C E C R I SI S No food on the table?
Impending doom: So far, it’s
not a food crisis we’re having FHM says:
but a “rice price crisis.” Climate
change, increased population Grow a potato garden in your one or two “eyes,” or buds.
and demand, malfunctioning backyard! Potatoes are drought- 4 Turn the soil before planting,
and/or lack of irrigation facilities, resistant, are much easier to ridding it of weeds, rocks or
biofuel demand, and farmers’ cook, and taste awesome no debris.
lands being razed for non- matter how much heat you put 5 Spuds can be planted in
agricultural use all conspire to them in. Here’s how: rows or in mounds, depending
jack up prices as we continue to 1 Find a loose and fertile soil on what the space permits
be the biggest rice importer in that’s exposed to sunlight and (the latter option is for limited
the world. at the same time sheltered space). In rows, potato seeds
Expert’s take: Bangladesh from the wind. It should be are planted every 15 inches,
Rice Foundation Chairman M. evenly moist, but not wet or two-and-a-half- to three feet
Syeduzzaman says the “global soggy lest your seeds will rot apart from each other, in holes
rice prices will not abate within before they even get to grow. that are four inches wide and
the next 18 to 24 months.” All 2 A week or two before six to eight inches deep. On
you can do now is cross your planting, store your seed the other hand, six to eight
fingers while chomping that extra potatoes somewhere warm potato plants can fit in four-
rice serving. However, boffins at and with ample lighting to foot diameter mounds.
the International Rice Research allow them to begin sprouting. 6 The sprouts will begin to
Institute (IRRI) developed a Rice 3 Small potatoes may be emerge in about two weeks.
Action Plan early last year, which planted whole, but bigger Add enough soil to cover the
funds programs, post-harvest seeds require slicing into two- stems as they grow in inches
technologies, introduction of inch seeds a day or two before periodically.
higher-yielding rice varieties, planting day, and must contain 7 Harvest!
among others.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 81

 Tough Times

2#00-0'1+ Counter-strike!

Impending doom: As we write really isn’t a simple and absolute

this, Mumbai, India is under siege solution to it. All the NDCC can FHM says:
by a new terrorist group who are do, and is under the jurisdiction
bent on killing Americans and to do, is assist these displaced In the absence of guns, machetes, cross
Britons, but are really shooting people, evacuees, who have fled bars, make mincemeat out of bandits using
everyone on sight. While we their homes and help them get newspapers, for one. Tabloids can be excellent
have had our share of attacks in the basic food and temporary alt-batutas, broadsheets even better. And the
previous years, they are nothing shelter they need. In Metro Manila, paper’s natural graininess and stink would
close to this scale. But that does there are not much disasters connect exceptionally well with your attacker’s
not mean we are impervious. caused by terrorists apart from face. Pens, pencils, other pointy writing
Expert’s take: “When it comes the usual petty crimes here and materials can also be lethal. Maim the most
to, shall we say, man-made there. Meanwhile, I don’t think the masculine of men into shrieking falsettos with
disasters, the constant cause for conflict and crisis in Mindanao— these easy steps: 1. Unscrew the butt of your
the displacement and distress which is of greater gravity, but pen 2. Remove the ink-holding tube inside 3.
of a number of individuals is the doesn’t seem to concern anybody Slip a needle in place of the now hollow pen 4.
armed conflict in Mindanao,” says not living there—will be over Aim for the neck and face region 5. Blow!
Palacio. “Like most wars, there anytime soon.”

82 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

TH E P R E S E NT Here today gone tomorrow?
LIVE THROUGH
Impending doom: By present
we mean NOW. This year.
2009. For hope freaks, the
optimistic, or those robbed
it’s in times like these that you
are obliged to spend because
if everyone stopped circulating
money by buying, the economy
MAYHEM!
In the absence of communal convenience,
and beaten down hard with a will crank to a dead stop and it’s how do you eat, drink, and merrily survive?
stick in 2008, 2009 will not be over for all of us. using a lampin and boil to
better. All of us will be poorer drinkable states.
this year, believe us. FHM says:
Expert’s take: “We can expect
a slower year in 2009 in Live in the past. Hole up
terms of fiscal and economic in a bahay kubo or cave
growth,” says del Castillo, deep in your probinsya
“It’s a disaster that won’t of choice. Live without
target one sector particularly. electricity, water supply, YOU HUNT FOR HEALTH:
It’s a slow litany of ill effects and material things. Let Your body needs protein
consolidating. The crisis the rest of the country and you’ll be murdering not YOU HOLE UP IN A
volcano erupted in the first worry about financial crisis, rabbits or chickens but the HUT OF YOUR OWN
quarter of 2008, and it looks trade markets, and the variety of meat that remain (AND CUT DOWN ON
like it will sadly be picking up truth behind the Dingdong- roaming the islas when GIMIK COSTS): Large
until 2010, with 2009 being its Karylle breakup. Living in disasters strike: rats, butikis, banana leaves and bamboo
preparatory year—that’s when it the past is the new future. smaller meat pies you’ll have will make or break your
will hit us hardest.” Strangely, no trouble pinning down with happy place. Tie sticks and
a sharp stick, a pen, or with leaves together with more
your bare hands. Knock them leaves, anything stringy, or
unconscious with a tsinelas, your own strand of hair, if
skin them with a shard of desperation calls for it. If
glass or a knife, clean them that doesn’t work out, find
up with water and commence yeros, slabs of wood, and
with phase B. pieces of a house brought
down by a typhoon, and
get your Builder Bob, Lego
land circling around it.
Or find a welcoming tree,
and live under it. To fend
off insects, spray them
with water, torch them, or
smoke them out with your
YOU “COOK”: Channel self-made fire.
your inner caveman and rub
sticks and stones together,
gather leaves, wood, and/or
paper for charcoal, or real
charcoal, to keep the fire
going when it starts. Use
a helmet, a tin can, or an
actual boiling pot, if you
happen to find one, to put YOU STAY
your “food” into. FASHIONABLE: If you
feel insecure doing the Full
Monty, you can always
make your own clothes. A
garbage bag’s an option,
or oversized plastic bags
of different transparency,
opacity, density, shades
and colors. Make holes out
YOU FIND WATER: In the of bag’s closed butt-end—a
likely and fortunate case that big one for your head,
you find a poso around, all and two relatively smaller
you need is muscle, and to ones for your arms. Slip
start pumping. If you don’t, them over your head
let rainwater, sapa, and with or without clothes
other bodies of water, etc. underneath. Roam the
be your best friend. Distill streets proud. FHM

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 83

Girls of FHM Isabelle Du

ONE FINE
DAY PHOTOGRAPHY: JAY TABLANTE
INTERVIEW: SHEILA MANZARATE
STYLING: SHERYL SONGSONG
MAKEUP: ARA FERNANDO
 Girls of FHM Isabelle Du

Isabelle Du is an Asian-American actually booking pretty well, so actually.

(no Pinoy blood, though) model it’s all good. I did stunt work for And what about Pinoys pisses
who’s gone to the other end of the a movie in Cebu and after that I you off?
world and back to build her career. decided to check out Manila. It really ticks me when people cut
She being in the country is a good Er, a stunt move? me off when I’m driving, but I’m
sign, if only for the fact that she Yes, ha ha! I did scuba-diving beginning to manage it. I listen to
puts us on her personal travelogue stunts. I love to swim and I’ve been Chinese audio tutorials when it’s
and it won’t be her last time here. PADI certified. traffic, so I get distracted but I get
So one fine day, Isabelle wakes How’s your comfort level to learn more about Chinese.
up for FHM Philippines, in pieces working with natural elements? What’s the worst party you’ve
of clothes that seem to predate I love it! Animals especially—I like gone to?
air-conditioning. Indeed, good snakes. I think they’re very cute In Vegas there was a champagne
morning… and very sweet. brunch and I literally had one
Now that takes a lot of courage. glass of champagne, or maybe
How’s Manila? Are you as steely when it comes two—and I didn’t realize exactly
Great! I’ve been busy with work to taking yourself up the career how strong champagne was.
and of course, I’ve done a little ladder? You’d think champagne was just
partying. I’d say yes. I’d love to model in as something like apple cider that
oes life get any more beautiful than Let’s talk about your modeling many countries as I can. I use this might get you a little buzz but
waking up on the beachfront with career first. as an opportunity to travel and it’s not too heavy. So, we ate
beer and cigarette in hand (taking Basically I entered a magazine meet people, and right now I’m everything in sight and, added
it that you’re like most of us here) cover search back in the US. still young so I might as well do the fact that I drank champagne, I
or seeing your most loathed NBA I won, and after that I started whatever I can. went to the bathroom and literally
star get fouled-out? modeling professionally. Do Pinoy guys live up to your everything went down the drain.
Well, what do you know? How exposed are you standards? It was so bad that I couldn’t even
Catching a beautiful stranger in a internationally? Actually, my first boyfriend was stand up. It was so embarrassing!
picturesque morning-after setting I did modeling in Thailand for two Filipino. He taught me the bad Security offered to wheelchair me
is such a wonderful feeling, it months and flown out to Malaysia words, ha ha! But he also taught out. So they wheelchaired me out
even beats having a morningwood for a print job out there, and me, “Mahal kita.” of the hotel while my face was
to a pulp! now I’m here! I think in different Awww… buried in my hands. FHM
The next logical thing you countries there are different levels I love how Filipino guys can dance.
do, of course, is identify her. And of competition. In the States it was They definitely know how to dance.
that’s what we’re about to do now: very competitive, but out here I’m I think they’re the best dancers,

86 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 87
 Girls of FHM Isabelle Du

88 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 I THINK
FILIPINOS
ARE THE BEST
DANCERS

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 89

 b s
Perilous Jo

EL S. LUCAOS
A. BORLEOO, RU
WORDS: B.PH BA NDOQUILL
Y: CA RL
PHOTOGRA

a ls, an d babysits
ilding, guards crimin
a ck in on e piece!
bu b
clea ns a high-rise They’re lucky to be
.
namic duo extra cash
FHM’s dy , all to earn a little
crocodiles
WASHERS
WINDOW
Deciding to try our hand at washing windows
of a high-rise building is a cinch. Superbonngg!
utters in the earlier parts of the challenge, “Yun
lang?!” But then we see the gap between
the ground and 41st floor of the Robinsons
Equitable Tower in Ortigas. Are we scared
shitless? Yes, you shitty shit.

It’s mid-day and the sun’s burning us to Of course, we asked for professional
1 a crisp at the 41st floor. 2 help. Enter Access Safeworks,
BA (looking down): Pare, ang taas! cleaners of high-rise buildings. The
Superbonngg!: Consider this: Had we decided building we are about to scrub has a contract
to have a little snack, the people 41 floors down with them. It takes three three-men crews 50
would have witnessed the first ever rain of vomit. days to clean the whole building. Because we
BA: Wow, English! Sige, pray na muna tayo. had only signed up for a day, we are to clean
Bakit pa kasi ito naisip mong gawin, kumag ka! the tower’s 43rd floor.

For safety, each cleaner has a harness. Strapped in, we hop on the gondola and It is getting late and we are told
3 Supervisor (to Bonngg!): Mukhang 4 are hoisted down. All there is to it is a 5 that the strong winds are making
sa iyo lang kasya ito. Yung para sa cleaning solution and a squeegee—only this stunt even more dangerous.
kasama mo, dugtungan na lang natin ng lubid. we’re above everyone by 543 feet. We call it a day. As soon as we descend
Access’ Sales Executive Vicky Tutor: Don’t BA (trembling): Lintik ka huwag kang malikot! from the gondola, Bonngg! heads to
worry safe naman iyan. The gondola can carry up SB!: Pag nahulog ka siguro para kang the nearest elevator and tells us he’ll be
to 300 kilos. napakatabang lamok na tumama sa windshield waiting in the lobby. We’ve never seen
SB! (looking at BA’s massive frame): Patay! ng rumaragasang Porsche. him so pale.
 ACCESS SAFEWORKS
offer cleaning services for
High Rise Bldgs. (Glass
Windows, Alluminum
Claddings, Granite) and
Gondola and Building
Maintenance Unit System
JOB REQUIREMENTS: (Sales and Installation,
Absolutely no fear of heights; After Sales Service
[Repair & Maintenace],
can work under tremendous Rental, Training on
pressure; a stickler for details usage and certification,
SALARY: Above minimum Gondola operator service,
Design and consultation,
wage CONTACT THEM AT
DANGER: 8435624, 8435142,
[email protected]
 Perilous Jobs
JOB REQUIREMENTS: Can
endure eight hours of whacking
and thrashing concrete and wood
DEMOLITION MEN using a 20-lb sledgehammer and
bareta de cabra.
Psychologists have suggested that one way to release stress is SALARY: P400/day
to release it. So it’s safe to say that the men of L&S Enterprises DANGER:
are living healthy, stress-free lives because they get to demolish
houses down for a living. We join for some anger management.

JOB REQUIREMENTS:
Extremely brave and agile; has
a soft spot for animals—even for
Business with demolition Supervisor Ronald del Rosario: man-eating crocodiles
1 contractors like L&S Enterprises 2 Our company also has a sash factory SALARY: Above minimum wage
are done two ways: You pay them and a construction supply that sells DANGER:
to destroy your property; they pay you to secondhand items. We usually charge around
destroy your property, because they get to P10,000 to P15,000 for two-storey buildings.
keep every salvageable part of the structure SB!: Ayus! Magkano parte namin?
to be recycled and sold later. For this job, Bisor: Wala! Hala trabaho na!
we are told to “destroy cleanly.” SB!: Taray?!

Heading to the work area we notice We join the work at the second floor.
3 that no one in the crew wears any 4 SB! (to BA): Doon ka raw sa maso...
safety gear, only long-sleeved shirts to Tawag ka nung kamukha ni Pacquaio.
protect them from the sun. BA: Manny, este, Brod bakit?
BA: Yun lang? Manong 2: Ikaw na rito sa isang pader.
Manong 1: Mainit kasi pag nasa bubong ka After a few heaves the wall doesn’t bulge.
at pag wala nang bubong. Manong 2: Kaya mo yan… tsk! Ako na nga.
SB!: Napaka-maalaga ninyo pala sa skin ninyo. It only takes him five solid hits.

BRINGING DOWN
A HOUSE
Think you’re manlier? Then try
doing it yourself!

Cut power supplies Cut the water,

electricity, and gas line (if there is any)
from its main source. The Davao Crocodile Farm, one of
Start with the roof Pull out the nails 1 Davao City’s tourist attractions, now
and get the G.I. sheets one by one. has a coop in Roxas Boulevard. The
And then disaster strikes. Work on the top floor going down. Manila farm houses 260 saltwater crocodiles
5 BA: Bonngg!, paabot nga ng bareta. The idea is to always bring down the (two of them massive 16-footers), and attracts a
SB!: Ba’t di mo abutin….ARAY! foundation (haligi) last. maximum of 2,500 guests per day.
Bonngg! steps on a thin sheet of wood and it Move your way down After the Staff (to BA): Sir, hindi ho kakasya yung safety
gives out from under. We check for bruises. roofing has gone, it will leave you gear namin sa iyo.
SB!: Dyahe yun. Tsakit ah! with wooden and concrete walls and BA: Ganun? Paano yan Bonngg! Ikaw na lang
BA: Ayos lang yan. Break muna tayo. Here partitions. Slam it down then start magpapakain sa mga buwaya. Suot mo na yan.
have some hopia. tearing out the floor. SB!: Ano pa bang bago? Sa susunod
Clean it up Clear the debris and magpapayat ka muna ha!
bring down everything on the ground
floor. Start at the center; concrete
walls should go down last. Salvage
92 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph
everything useful.
 CROCKERY!
Amazing croc facts provided by
the Crocodile Farm experts!

THE DAVAO CROCODILE PARK IS OPEN MONDAY TO SATURDAY, 8:00

AM TO 5:00 PM.; OR INQUIRES: CALL SALES & MARKETING OFFICE
They eat big Crocs need to eat

AT 407-2455 OR 09214732210 AND LOOK FOR MS. LORENA LEE.

at least five percent of their body
CROCODILE CARETAKERS weight weekly. For Sugar, this
amounts to roughly around 40 kilos.
Remember that Fernando Poe Jr. San They’re sensitive Crocs can
Miguel Beer ad in the late ‘80s where Da sense even the tiniest vibration
King romances a crocodile? The one where because of the Integumentary
he calls the croc “kaibigan,” while forming sense organ in their snout.
a tight bond with the reptile? It’s cute, but They’re kind of obedient Virgil
reality is closer to Vic Sotto’s spoof of that on what to do when a croc bites:
same commercial in the movie Crocodile “Nagla-lock jaw sila pag nakakagat.
Jones: The Son of Indiana Dundee, where Tapikin mo lang yung nose niya at
after making the same impassioned speech, bibitaw na siya.”
the croc runs after the FPJ-wannabee. They’re a dentist’s nightmare
Crocodiles, especially the saltwater For their entire lifespan crocs can
crocodiles we spent time with, will eat you produce 2,000 to 3,000 teeth.
alive if they get a chance. Superbonngg! can
attest to that chilling fact.

Time to feed the crocs. Caretaker goes We then try the farm’s signature Meet Sugar, a 16-foot, 500-kilogram
2 first. He throws the raw chicken lollipops 3 attraction: Crocodile Dancing. A chunk 4 monster possessing a whopping 5,000
at the crocs’ path then steps away. of chicken is tied to a rope and dangled PSI (pounds per square inch) of jaw
SB: Madali lang pala. down from a steel bridge. When the crocs are power. Every week her cage and the other cages
But there is a mad croc-rush when all realize about to pounce, the meat is lifted up to show in the farm need cleaning. Our last task is to get
it’s feeding time. The caretaker is eventually their ability to jump out of the water using its tail. Sugar to cooperate.
cornered and one croc bites his rubber boot. Virgil, the farm’s wildlife specialist, explains: Virgil: With the smaller crocs, we start with
Caretaker: Ganon lang iyon! Virgil: Crocs are opportunistic predators, they catching each one then draining the pool.
SB! (breathing heavily): Ayoko na! won’t attack until you approach them. They aren’t BA: Eh si Sugar? Huhulihin namin yan?!
BA: Ano?! Kaya mo yan. Sasamahan ka naman also trainable because they have a small brain. SB!: Itulak na lang natin.
ng photographer at ni kuya sa loob. Saka mas BA: Sa wakas, Bonngg! may mas bobo pa sa iyo. It doesn’t work and worse, Sugar doesn’t like it.
buwaya ka naman sa buwaya. SB!: Ulol! Kaya ba mag-Sudoku niyan?! She snaps her jaw. We flee as fast as we can.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 93

 Perilous Jobs

OTHER BACK-
BREAKING JOBS!
These folks are dying to
work—literally

COAL MINERS
The number of deaths and
permanent injuries caused
by mining accidents has
catapulted it to the top of
the list of the world’s most
dangerous jobs. Each strike
a miner does to his pick is
like a knock on heaven’s
door—one wrong
swing can cause
a roof, wall or the
whole cave to
bury them alive.
Over 50 percent of
deaths and permanent
JAIL OFFICERS injuries are caused by these
sudden collapses. There’s
The reason for taking this job: if also the danger of flooding,
we really believe we are tough, suffocation, and explosions.
then it should be easy taking Average salary: Around
charge of a house filled with $2,700 /180 hours of labor
murderers, thieves, robbers, and
violent felons—all presumably ALASKAN KING CRAB
tougher boys. We ask the FISHERMEN
Marikina City Jail Warden for a Alaskan king crab fishing
day of penal-herding. As we enter has the highest on-the-job
the complex, the stares we get tell mortality rate of 300 fatalities
us the job might not be as sweet. per 100,000. They fish on
ice-cold open seas and raging
thunderstorms that over 80
JO1 Albert Infantado As we approach a cell, percent of deaths are caused
JOB REQUIREMENTS: Holder of 1 meets us at the jail 2 one jailbird shouts, “Mga
second level Civil Service Professional by hypothermia and drowning.
entrance. It’s 2PM, in a kasama, batiin natin sina Heavy gears and machineries
eligibility; has passed other PRC exams couple of minutes a siren will go ser!” and all other inmates shout
pertaining to public safety; not less also pose the possibility of
off, our signal to do head counts. back “Ser, magandang hapon po!” crippling injuries.
than 5’4” in height Albert: Don’t worry, kung sa The counting starts. Standing up Average salary: Is among
SALARY: Around P16,000/month labas sila ang tigas, dito—tayo. by fives, holding hands and arms
DANGER: the highest paying jobs in
SB!: Don’t worry din ser. Go raised, they commence counting the world. Six month’s worth
ahead, i-announce mo na na until the last man is accounted for of salary can be cashed in
nandito na ang mga siga. and it matches the prison’s record. a week.

VOLCANOLOGIST
Volcanologists see volcanic
eruptions like orgasms—
instead of fleeing, they rush
to the scene and marvel at
hot lava jizz.
Average salary: Around
$70,000/year

LOGGERS
The second most
dangerous job in the world.
JOs also keep tabs on A jailbreak here will not Near our shift’s end, we It has an accident frequency
3 inmates with a court date. 4 be easy. That’s because 5 decide to take a final stroll rate of around 60 per million
There is a discrepancy the jail is situated on the around the compound. man-hours of labor. These
so we make another round. A cell top floor of a five-storey building. SB! (to an inmate): Psst, ikaw! men work in isolated areas
mayor chats us up. Their only concern is stopping Masahe nga! where life-support and
SB!: O, bilang ulit ha! contrabands, like illegal drugs. Jail officer 2: Teka bawal yan! emergency facilities cannot
Mayor: Saan ba kayo pare? SB! (to the warden): Kami Nasa rule book yan. be accessed immediately.
BA: Sa FHM ho. bahala riyan. Partner ikaw umamoy SB!: KJ naman nito. Average salary: Around
Mayor: Ah okay, reader ako non. kung may dalang kontrabando. BA: Tara na nga. Magugulpi tayo $32,000/year FHM
Balik kayo ha. Dala kayo ng kopya. BA: Ano ako aso?! niyan. Laro na lang tayo ng batuta.

94 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

Girls of FHM Jhoy Mercado

WILD
MOOD SWINGS
JHOY MERCADO USED TO BE QUIET
AND SHY. NOW SHE’S UNTAMED
AND IS VERY HAPPY ABOUT IT...

INTERVIEW: MARC LAURENZE C. CELIS

PHOTOGRAPHY: ROY MACAM
MAKEUP: DIANA DE CASTRO
HAIR: MARITESS SANTOS
STYLING: REY SANTOS
 Girls of FHM Jhoy Mercado

he word “joy” means I joined a school pageant, placed

happiness, but what becomes as runner-up and for some reason
of it if you insert an “h” in Yes, of course. I’m a very jolly I had to represent my school in a
between? person, I always tell jokes nationwide beauty tilt and ended up
Double happiness? A feel- whenever I’m around friends, winning.
good sensation on the lips and but I guess it’s also something I
tongue? Something to make get from people around me. My
Vhong Navarro squirm? friends are always jolly so I tend to Not really, kasi walang bikini
In this lady’s case, it’s a be like them! I’m Jhoy, but you can competition, ha ha ha! It was a
dead giveaway of what she is also call me Ligaya. Ligaya ang college beauty pageant, medyo
inside: jolly, bubbly, thoughtful, itawag mo sa akin, ha ha ha! conservative ang mga organizer.
loving. Although it’s a national pageant, we
More about her: Jhoy were still all students during the time.
Mercado models lingerie in Yes, of course! And my family
provincial shows and was a is on top of that list. We’re in a
runner-up in a school beauty financial crisis lately and I just
pageant. She ended up hope I can give them joy in my Ha ha ha! Right now, sobrang nag-
representing her school in the little own way. I give my share in evolve na ako. I’m doing this shoot
national tilt, where she was the expenses through the money I tapos I ramp at lingerie shows, wear
crowned the winner. She also make from modeling. things way beyond what I wore back
claims she’s a virgin. We didn’t in the pageants. I could say na nag-
ask her to prove it. That would mature na ako. I’m more liberal and
be criminal. Yes, but that was in college pa. open-minded now.

98 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 nag-stop kasi my family fell in a
financial low. I had to work and
I didn’t mind the changes that all that. Ngayon bumabawi na
much. But my friends were kami and hopefully tuluy-tuloy na. I am trying to preserve it as long as
shocked because I hadn’t done possible, ha ha ha! And hindi naman
those things before. I also used din siya nagmamadali.
to be quiet, introverted, tapos Bicol, Isabela, Tugegarao, and I
bigla akong nagmo-model wearing think the farthest I’ve been to is Sana, pero ayoko namang magmukhang
close to nothing. Hindi sila sanay Zamboanga. hipokrita. I might get tempted but I’m
na nakikita ako with so much skin hoping I can preserve it until that day.
exposed, ha ha ha! Makapagpigil pa sana ako, ha ha ha!
Sobrang warm welcome, ha ha
ha!
Referrals lang. My friend had an It hurts daw, ha ha! I’m not prepared for
aunt who was an agent. Next it kaya hindi ko na lang masyado iniisip
thing I know I was passed around I have a boyfriend and he kasi baka mamaya pag na-curious pa
to the right people, and now I’m understands my work. He knows ako lalo bigla akong bumigay!
here. I model for provincial shows I’m doing this photo shoot.
and I’m here with you guys!
A sexier me! I’m planning to lose more
We are, sobrang seryoso kami, weight and get sexier curves. When
I’m planning to go back next ha ha ha! I try to be mature for that happens I want to be in FHM for a
semester. Kaya lang naman ako our relationship to work. second round! FHM

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 99

 Girls of FHM Jhoy Mercado

I used to be quiet,
introverted, tapos
bigla akong
nagmo-model
wearing close to
nothing

100 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

Top Chef
 RESERVATIONS
UNNECESSARY!
Rock star chef Anthony Bourdain dishes on monkey brain,
molecular gastronomy, and why groupies are bad!

A
Anthony Bourdain, chef and host blew the lid off Bourdain’s myth the Vietnam show, I love your
of No Reservations, is a rock permanently, sealing his status as Malaysian show, how come you
star. Of course, he’s also the a celebrity. Today, he is busy with haven’t been to the Philippines?”
first to wince on hearing the title No Reservations, a show in which I didn’t want to screw it up and
attached to his name but such he, just like his old chef self, takes having just come off as a one-
reaction verifies it all the more. He on anything—be it a wart hog’s episode experiment in a talk
has done his time in the kitchen, ass, fermented shark, or a seal’s show format and end up being a
has the groupies to seal his brains to name a few. clusterfuck. Ha ha! I really didn’t
status and has the battle scars to Bourdain was recently in want to screw up this show. I was
prove it was more harrowing an Manila to film and feature the great really vulnerable when I arrived.
experience than eating sheep’s brown Philippines on the show. And how has it been so far?
brain served raw. Given our pastiche of a culture, I’m confident. We’re getting
It’s almost like a speed- it’s anybody’s guess what the some really, really good footage.
induced trip, the Anthony opinionated chef will think of the The people showing us around
Bourdain stories. He suddenly country. But given his taste of the really know their stuff and have
wanted to become a chef at age crude, the rude, and the unreal, been good on camera. The food
17, when, working as a dishwasher we’re hoping he has a few good has been delicious, really visual.
at a wedding, he saw his chef things to say. The pressure is on to put it all
doing the bride. Along with his together, with the right balance.
team of pirates, he went through You mentioned in your blog When I like the country, I feel
it all: kitchen triumphs and the that you were feeling the the pressure. In this case, I’m
requisite mishaps; customer hell; pressure coming here. worried always, especially the
career rollercoasters; the great That’s because I’ve been hearing third-generation Filipinos who
crash; sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, a steady drumbeat for some live in the States or Filipinos
and all that jazz. time already. Really nice Filipinos who haven’t been home in a long
And then he wrote a book, coming up to me and saying, time. I really want them to like this
Kitchen Confidential, which “I really love your show. I love show. I want to be right by them.

INTERVIEW: LOU E. ALBANO

PHOTOGRAPHY: JAKE VERZOSA
SPECIAL THANKS TO JOY MIRASOL,
LOURD DE VEYRA, JAMES GABRILLO
 Top Chef

life. I used to be a heroin addict

Ginisa: flavorful and now whenever I feel like what
I do is fucking undignified, I look
back and think, “Compared to
what?” I know what undignified
is, I know what shame is. If I feel
a little silly now and then, I think I
can live with that.
You’re revered as a rock star.
Any groupies?
They’re out there and have been
there for a long time, them chef-
groupies. I think if you’re foolish
enough to succumb to their
charms, you’ll find yourself in a
very dark place. You learn that
lesson, I think, really, really,
really early.

PHOTO SOURTESY OF DISCOVERY TRAVEL & LIVING

This time around, Noah rounded
up his posse for the great flood

How long do you think will

this last?
I have no idea. I’m actually
surprised it happened at all. When
I started out in this business as
a dishwasher 20 years ago, it
was a laughable concept. Your
girlfriend’s parents would not be
GUSTAVO CABALLERO/GETTY IMAGES

happy to hear that she’s going out

with a cook or even a chef. It’s a
career for losers, it’s a disgraceful
profession. It was a very low-
prestige business, a transient one,
with very little hope for financial
success or anything. Now, chefs
have been empowered that they
can essentially tell their customers
what to eat.
Where do you think that
comes from?
For this season, which of the show will be about house lived from paycheck to paycheck It’s something a lot of chefs
countries will you be visiting hunting. We’re looking for a place my whole life. I never had health discuss all the time. There are
aside from the Philippines? to rent. insurance my whole life. I never a number of theories. One,
Came from the Azores, a So the whole family will be owned an apartment, I never dislocation of people from
Portuguese archipelago. Also, with you? owned a car, I never bought countries to urban centers. They
this season, we’ll either be Yeah, of course, when I go there furniture, I had nothing. I’m glad crave a home they might never
shooting or will shoot Mexico for a year, or however long. it worked out pretty well for me, have had. Often families lived
with Carlos, my chef at Les You have stalkers all around good timing. It happened late in vicariously, with Nigella [Lawson]
Halle; Venice, Washington DC, the hotel. Clearly you’ve life, in my mid-40s with the book. or Rachelle [Ray] cooking for you.
Ethiopia, Chicago, Sri Lanka, and become that which you Now I get to see to the world in a Another theory is people are more
elsewhere. Vietnam is next. despise: a celebrity chef! way a few people are able. I have repressed, or [living in] restrained
Have you relocated to It’s ludicrous in so many ways friends all over the world. I’m fed sexual times. They eat more and
Vietnam yet? and yet it is a hell lot of easier fantastic meals everywhere I go. look at food the way they look at
I’m hoping to do that. I’m going in than working for a living. I know I know all the chefs just about pornography. For me, who better?
December to do a show and a part what work is, I did it all my life. I’ve everywhere. I’m living a charmed Soccer players are nice but what

104 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 do they actually do for you? At around with cool new toys and stove start to really decline and
least a chef can feed you when experiment with new lenses and do it’s not just the physical demands,
you’re stranded with him on an
island. So you know, we perform a
editing techniques. It’s like being
in a band, you wait and see with
which are quite enormous. It’s the
ability to keep up in your head.
‘HONEY,
vital service.
On the show you’ve eaten all
few other people, the bass guitar
will take the lead and a few other
You’re like an air traffic controller.
After a certain amount of time on
YOU’RE
sorts of stuff. Is there anything
you won’t eat, say a dog
times, the lead guitar will come
up with where we’re going, and
the job, the synapses start to burn
so it hurt. It hurt physically a lot.
COOKING!’
Famous, gorgeous ladies
perhaps? we wait and see what ideas our What I miss is sitting at the bar with killer culinary skills
I wouldn’t plan and go out of my producer has. By the time it has after having done a 300 or 400
way to find myself in the position worked its way to editing, you have night. Because you feel good.
where somebody will offer me a lot of creative people all coming There is a lot of talk about
their very best and it happens at you. It’s really fun, a very exciting molecular gastronomy and
to be something that most new way for me to tell a story. Spanish top chef Ferran Adria.
Americans would call a pet. But You’ve been to El Bulli, where
I honestly believe that given the he works as head chef, and
choice between offending my host you’re friends with the guy.
and violating my principle of what What’s El Bulli like and how is NIGELLA LAWSON
food I wouldn’t [eat], pass the Ferran Adria like? She’s that British brunette we often see
puppy head I would eat it. But if I [El Bulli] is a mind-blowing making quick home gourmet treats. The
see a sign by the side of the road experience. Ferran Adria is a domestic chef hosting Discovery Travel
that says an establishment serves genius. But he’s a really decent, and Living’s Nigella Express is an expert
it, I’m not going to say, “Let’s warm-hearted guy, who likes at tossing up meals from midnight
pull over and eat!” Obviously it hamburgers and simple food. snacks to food-to-go.
pains me to see the process. I So he’s not like some mad
don’t like the idea at all, but I’ve scientist?
been traveling so much I tend to No, no, not at all. He’s a very
not be judgmental about these warm, likeable guy with a lot of
things. But no live monkey brain. ideas. He gets very excited he
I don’t know if that exists before talks with his hands. He gets
Americans started looking for it or very excited when he talks theory
whether it was an actual tradition, or about food. But he’s just as
but it’s been offered and I said passionate about a single cooked, RACHAEL RAY
no. I can’t eat in front of boiled, a good fresh The 30-minute meal maiden is a certified
a screaming brainless piece of shrimp or a slice hottie. Not only can she make set dishes
monkey. I think if you’re of ham or a really good in in minutes using shortcut methods,
some bonehead tourist can of clam. He would she was also on the 71st spot in the 100
with enough money, I’m love the food here. I think Sexiest Women 2006 of FHM US.
sure someone can go like a lot of people, he
and offer some for you. might get cranky and be
I don’t know if there’s El Bulli, which means the
an actual tradition. But bulldog. But he’s really, a
I have to know: Is there nice and regular guy.
any expectation that it Is molecular
will actually be good? gastronomy the future
Is it a genuine culinary of cooking?
tradition in the culture I think whatever you feel PADMA LAKSHMI
or not? Is it food or is it about it, there are certain Ex-wife of author Salman Rushdie is
medicine? methods and techniques the total package. The Indian-American
When you catch your that Ferran Adria model was ranked 66th in a website’s
show on TV, do you find has—and will—develop Top Most Desirable Women of 2008 list.
yourself watching it, that 50 years from now She also gained notoriety in the food
getting embarrassed, will be standard practice world when she published her award-
rethinking what you’ve in kitchens. It’s all he winning cookbook and hosted the reality
said or how you’ve wants. I mean he said to show Top Chef, where she is a mainstay
PHOTO SOURTESY OF DISCOVERY TRAVEL & LIVING

behaved? me if I come up with one judge as well.

Yeah, I always second really good idea here,
guess. But experience Food fetishists: that’s enough. That’s all
in the kitchen has taught extreme he’s looking for.
me that you do your best Do you ever get tired
to learn from mistakes of talking about food?
and move on. Every episode Do you miss the kitchen? Nah. I’m one of those people, the
WORDS: CHARMAINE Z. CHANCO

seems to be a fun little jam with No. ha ha ha! [When we did Into kind of guy when I’m eating I’m
your crew. the Fire] I really suffered in there. I already talking about what I’m
How are your dynamics with kept up for one day, barely. Barely. I going to eat on the next meal. CELIA BROOKS BROWN
your current crew compared was hurting the next day. You know, A passionate cook and food writer
to your kitchen staff, whom the fact is, it’s a young person’s No Reservations airs Wednesdays, famous for coming up with brilliant
you refer to as your band game. From around age 37 to 38 9PM with encores on Thursdays, 2PM vegetarian dishes, she appears regularly
of pirates? your abilities as a line cook, as and Saturdays, 3PM on Discovery on TV shows Saturday Kitchen, Good
We have a lot of fun, we get to play somebody who stands behind the Travel and Living. Food Live and Vegging Out. FHM

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 105

Girls of FHM Jenny Tran

PAINTED BY
 Girls of FHM Jenny Tran

NUMBERS!
SELF-PROCLAIMED POLYGAMIST JENNY TRAN WANTS FUN.
YOU COULD VERY WELL BE IN IT!

PHOTOGRAPHY: DAVID NGUYEN

INTERVIEW: KHYNE L. PALUMAR
SHOOT PRODUCER: VAL DE GUZMAN
MAKEUP AND STYLING: CHRISTINE M. NGUYEN
 Girls of FHM Jenny Tran

Have you always been know you” and walk away. And then a party girl. My idea of fun is going
modeling? I think, “Oh they probably saw me out and about. I love snowboarding
I’ve always wanted to be a model, modeling.” Ha ha! and I’m really good at it. I also love
since I was a little girl I’d dreamed Do you have a boyfriend? to karaoke with people who love to
of being like Cindy Crawford. In I actually have four boyfriends! Ha karaoke. I hate people who don’t
eighth grade, I started pursuing ha ha! Is that weird? They all know sing and just sit there and watch.
modeling but my mom got so tired about each other. Boyfriend No. 1 is Boring!
of driving me to Los Angeles that my main squeeze, he’s the owner of What’s the naughtiest thing
she made me quit. After college I a street wear clothing line called “IM you’ve done besides polygamy?
got back to it and here I am in FHM. KING.” Boyfriend No. 2 is a designer Hmm…there are so many. Ha ha! But
You’re part Vietnamese. Can for the same clothing line. I took him the naughtiest would be doing it at
you speak or read it? in because he was a big party animal work with people in the next room!
I am fluent in Vietnamese but I can and needed someone to calm him And you’re not shy. What about in
barely read it. My parents never put down. From there, everyone wanted the bedroom?
me in those Vietnamese schools, to be my boyfriend! So I took up two My idea of fun in the bedroom is
Monogamy is a bunch of bull. And and I was born in Orange County. more boys, Johnny and David. In a orgasmic. And with positions, I like the
we’re not just saying it because we What do you do when you’re way, I am like the girl version of Hugh missionary. Is that too typical? And I
don’t believe in marriage, together- not modeling or running off on Hefner. don’t have to do much of anything and
forevers, or two people exclusively auditions? Wow. So who makes the first it feels great! Ha ha ha!
sticking it out through good, bad and I recently started a career in resort move? Okay, we have to turn the heat
ugly. We’re not saying it because we real estate. I love to travel so I am The guy should make the first down. What else are you as
risk being called heretics by the holy a big believer in resort real estate! move, and they always do. I haven’t passionate about that isn’t as
mother church, emotionally retarded In my free time I love going out to had to be on the aggressive, raunchy?
by just about anyone, and incapable clubs, bars, and lounges with my unless the guy is totally oblivious I am passionate about law. I’ve worked
of commitment by monogamists who friends and just letting loose and that I am into him. as a legal assistant for three years and
like to believe they’re capable of it. having a good time. Have you ever asked a guy out I have to admit, I love suing people.
But most important, we’re not saying Given that your looks are likely or picked the tab on a date? I haven’t been able to get into this
it because somebody else prettier to intimidate, what type of guys I have! When a guy totally pampers because I’m not sure I am willing to go
and ballsier already has, and not intimidate you? me, I feel like I should do something to school for three more years. Then
making a big deal out of it. I am not approachable! Ha ha! Guys special for him in return. So I have after grad school I’d reward myself
Gentlemen, meet Jenny Tran: come up to me all the time and, I taken a guy out and picked up the bill. by going to places with gorgeous
hot, haughty, fun. Which is all you have to say, I am a little mean to What’s one thing you wouldn’t be beaches like Fiji and Thailand. I love
really need to know once she puts them. I think all guys are intimidated caught doing—for a career and in being at the beach and just relaxing
you in your place and tells you what by me. It’s strange when guys come terms of choices? with my favorite cocktail.
she wants. Or how many of you she up to me and say, “Hey, you look I wouldn’t be caught working as a What article of clothing would
wants... familiar” and I tell them, “Sorry I don’t coffee shop girl. Not that there’s best define you?
anything wrong with it but my family A mini dress because it is fun and
would totally look down on me if I were easy to wear. It shows just the right
to ever do that. Those girls make great amount of skin, especially my legs.
money but a lot of people see it as Would you say legs are your
degrading. biggest selling point?
What do you do to let loose? Physically my legs are my best trait.
I love to go clubbing! I am known as But I also have a great personality! I
am fun and outgoing. We’re talking
out there.
What would a guy have to do to
impress you?
A guy would have to be funny and
charming to impress me. I am easy
to please but I expect guys to show
some effort. FHM

108 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 109
 Girls of FHM Jenny Tran

I HAVE FOUR
BOYFRIENDS.
THEY ALL KNOW
EACH OTHER

110 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Quote Unquote Boys Night Out

The Shock Jocks

Boy’s Night Out’s Slick Rick, Tony Toni, and SamYG, RP’s most controversial DJs,
on their suspension, scary ghosts, and how a true cocker never eats his own cock
Who came up with the concept incidentally had a school project something weekly. SR: He’s a class in himself, he’s
for Boys Night Out? to monitor different shows on TV SR: Another idea is to play old not in our level.
Slick Rick: Back in 2001, I and radio and see what shows shows, parang “The Best of Boys SYG: Amoy pa lang iba na eh,
started a show called Boogie were effective or not. These Night Out.” literal na amoy ulam talaga siya,
Nights with King DJ Logan. We students ended up reporting on Other than the antics, you ha ha ha!
had a segment called Radio our show saying it was…what guys have been known for Why did you guys stop the
Tabloid, which is Confession was the word they used? your advocacies. Which do you “Spooky Nights” segment?
Sessions now. Logan left, then SR: Offensive. support the most? SR: A lot of freaky things were
came back in 2006 so our SYG: Offensive. They filed a SR: I have to say “No Glove, No happening to us. The funny thing
station manager, James Peng, complaint to the KBP, which Love.” is, it was actually a joke when
suggested we revive the show then ordered us suspended for SYG: Yeah “No Glove No Love,” we were doing Spooky Nights.
and add a third guy onboard— 60 days first with a fine. We or “It Pays To Abstain.” For those We just got bored one night
that’s how Tony Toni got in. appealed but instead we got a who can wait, wait. Because the and Logan said, “Alright let’s
Tony Toni: The title was James’ 90-day gag. deal is it’s not a joke. tell each other scary stories and
idea. Three months later Logan Do you guys feel the TT: We also support the Green stuff that happened to us.” And
left to pursue other things. At suspension is unfair? Pasig! We’re nature lovers. But from there people just emailed
first we thought of getting a girl SR: Yes, it is unfair. It’s unfair the most popular one is the us their stories, too. It became
to replace Logan but decided on because we understand that sex—we’re known to be more a segment and it got freakier
Sam YG. Sam actually made us we did something wrong, but malibog, well [I am]. So I really, and freakier. I used to record
younger. Logan got the working suspending us for 90 days is really urge those who engage in the Spooky Nights segment just
guys listening but Sam gave us something… sex to practice safe sex because to listen to it and make sure we
the 13- and 14-year-olds and the SYG: Something fishy, ha ha ha! you never know who’s sleeping sounded all right. One time we
college boys, which was pretty TT: If there were other motives with whom. You never know who’s were talking about death and our
phenomenal. He’s the muse of [from certain people] to suspend a carrier. voices faded on air, then returned
the group, the pretty one. us that long then it becomes an What’s your favorite on-air when we ended the story. Our
Sam YG : I don’t even talk well or ethical issue. Shows like MTB prank? station manager at the time said
anything—it just got into me. and Wowowee did really rude SR: The favorite would probably maybe we should stop because
Slick Rick: Exactly—he’s the stuff on TV, seen by everybody, be the Japanese guy. He didn’t it was just going to get worse, so
muse, and everyone needs a we decided to stop and just do
muse. He’s our Grace Lee. Confession Sessions.
You were slapped with a 90-day
Do you consider yourselves pop icons now? How are you guys different
suspension by the Kapisanan Maybe we can say we’re pop icons if may from the other shows?
ng mga Brodkaster ng SYG : We generally hang out
Pilipinas. What mess did you
billboard na kami or if may commercial na kami together that’s why when we are
get yourselves into? on air, it’s not like kunwari lang
TT: Our first offense was a game and all they got was a week or speak English very well. We kami nag-ha-hang out. We treat
we played—Putahe ng Ina mo. We two of suspension. We probe called a massage parlor and the each other as brothers more than
read ingredients and contestants other people’s imaginations and guy was trying to sleep with the barkadas.
would guess the putahe. The we get 90 days. That’s stupid, on masseuse but he was speaking So do you consider yourselves
second one was a paid-to-be- top of crazy! in Japanese so it was really funny. pop icons now?
read advertisement by a telecom What are your plans during the SYG: Prank of all time? Yung SR: Pop icon? I don’t think so.
company, which I think was suspension? ipapa-sound-proof yung coffin We want to be one but it’s for
stupid because it was their ad. TT: I guess look for work—it’ll be ng lolo ko. We also used to call the people to say. DJs come and
They thought we were pimping a very long holiday. Three months and ask about birds. Boys and go, and our show is good only if
prostitution. The ad read something long din. I really don’t know; the birds, that was really funny. it lasts five years or more. Chico
like, “Lonely ka ba ngayong maybe focus on drawing up our We used to call bird breeders and Delamar, you can call them
Valentine’s? Kung wala kang website and putting up podcasts and then ask them kung gaano pop icons, because they’ve been
kasama, text hotgirls to blah blah for those who never heard our karami ang bird nila, at magkano on morning radio as partners for
at maraming girls na naghihintay shows before. ba yan? more than 10 years.
sa’yo, pumili ka from over 20,000 SYG: We’ll go on vacation so... TT: My favorite would be when SYG: Maybe we can say
PHOTOGRAPHY: DAIRY DARILAG

girls.” That was their promo. ha ha ha! It’s either we’ll all go to we called a sabungero. He we’re pop icons if may billboard
SYG: Apparently the suspension the States or abroad. First we’ll gave us the greatest line of all na kami or if may commercial
was caused by a lot of things. go to Japan then to the States so time: “A true cocker never eats na kami.
But I guess the main contention we’ll see what happens. I mean his own cocks.” Hindi namin TT: Pag painted na lang ang mga
was this listener who read we also have our YouTube sites makakalimutan yun. mukha namin sa MRT or LRT,
a poem on air that was a bit so we’ll keep that alive. We’ll Any message to your fourth kahit sa jeepney na lang.
malaswa, so to speak. Now what post weekly, hopefully daily, member, Shuvacker?
happened was some students but it’s more conceivable to be TT: Iba siya eh! Interview: Marc Laurenze Celis

112 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 SAMYG

TONY TONI

SLICK RICK
www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 113
Gray long sleeve hoodie with zipper detail, P900,
Dean &Trent at 50th Avenue, Robinsons
Galleria. Black pants, price on request, 101
New York at Landmark department store

STYLING: ANA KALAW

PHOTOGRAPHY: PAT DY
GROOMING: MICH LIM
MODEL: DIEGO OF MERCATOR
 Black long-sleeve shirt with patched pocket
detail, P900, Dean &Trent at 50th Avenue,
Robinsons Galleria. Plaid pants, P999.75,
Artwork, Glorietta, TriNoma. Hand tie, P595,
Bleach Catastrophe, Greenbelt 5. White
lace-up leather shoes, P7,995.00, Lacoste
Footwear in Glorietta, Shangri-la Plaza

THE ECONOMY MAY BE HEADED FOR A DOWNTURN BUT THAT DOESN’T

MEAN YOUR TASTE IN CLOTHING SHOULD FOLLOW SUIT. THESE NEUTRAL
COLORED PIECES ARE AS RECESSION-FRIENDLY AS THEY CAN GET
 Gray henley, P650, white hoodie, P600,
both Dean & Trent. Gray denim pants,
P995, Artwork, Glorietta, TriNoma
 Printed limited edition shirt, P595,
Artwork. Bronze denim pants, P2,150,
Bleach Catastrophe, Greenbelt 5
Checkered jacket, about P1,200, Dean
& Trent. Striped knit sweater, price on
request, and beige stitched jeans, price
on request, 101 New York at Landmark
department store
 Black long-sleeve shirt with white ribbon detail,
P900 and houndstooth shorts, P600, both Dean
and Trent at 50th Avenue, Robinsons Galleria.
Black hi-cut leather lace-ups, P5,995, Lacoste
Footwear at Glorietta, Shangri-la Plaza
 THE Miss
SEX !
GURU SEES
ASIA UTURE!
THE F

Sex
What makes women tick

horoscope
Madame Agcaoili checks what
your star signs say about 2009
Aries
If love and sex were all
about gambling, then you’d
be jueteng lord. Losing ain’t
in your vocabulary this year, baby!

Taurus
You’ll still be your good
old seductive, romantic
self, and getting
someone to bed will be a
cinch with just a stroke of your hand.

Gemini
You won’t make time

LOCATION AT ONE ROMAN SUITES, PASAY RD., MAKATI CITY; NECKLACE FROM RENCIE SANTOS, UNDERWEAR, STYLIST’S OWN
PHOTOGRAPHY: JAKE VERZOSA; STYLING: SALIE ACUPAN AND HANNAH KIM OF YUNIKWITA; MAKEUP: JONATHAN; SHOT ON
for sex, you’ll STOP
time to have sex—all day
and all night! With such
frequency you’ll have to seek a variety
of positions and possibly involve in
role-playing games.

Cancer
“Mutual” is the keyword for Aquarius
you this year. You’ll never You’re highly creative,
break a sweat giving and especially in the sack.
making love to your partner, You’re loyal but very
leaving them satisfied in the hard to please. You
end. But you’ll have to get the same need to be well stimulated mentally
amount of nurturing in return. Lucky to give in to someone’s bequest.
number: 69.
Pisces
Leo Having failed relationships in the
You’re the most past could be a reason you dream
romantic sign, the most of living in your own
passionate of all when perfect world. But
it comes to loving and Libra Sagittarius it’s not all fantasy for
bonking. Cheating on your partner To you, love should be You need to be free and you—soon you’ll find
is a remote possibility, although long-term or none at all. independent to stay in a your one true love with
you may flirt a little here and there. You’ll pour yourself out relationship, otherwise which you’ll share mind-blowing sex
Stroking is a must! and give your all that you’ll forget you’ll blow your top if your forever!
about your own security. Make it opinions are opposed. But under
Virgo easy on yourself. normal circumstances you’ll continue Email Asia at email@asiaagcaoili.
It will take time before you being one hell of a sex beast. com. Check out her Facebook
settle with your true love. Scorpio profile. Asia would like to thank
But once you’ve pinned You’re the horniest of Capricorn the following: Belo Medical Group,
her, sex will be mind blowing the bunch, and everyone Being in love tends to wear you Cosmopark, Greenhills; Salon
all the way! Never a dull moment for knows it! But this year down. But why so serious? Instead de Manila; Premiere Condoms
you and your lover since you’ll make you’ll use sex as a weapon, as a of dragging yourself to a Ultra Thin & Dotted; Visit www.
it a point to come up with surprises knife to cut through obstacles and good lay, lighten up and myasianworld.com; www.asiastoys.
every so often. stab those who double-cross you. let it come upon you. com; www.asiaspeep.com

120 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Jennyson Rosero of Imaginary Friends Studios [ 2ngaw.deviantart.com ] Illustration

Instant
Wee problem
I think I have UTI. Is there a home
remedy for it?
RON, QC

Sexpert!
According to Dr. Ben Cordero of the Angeles
Love Clinic, the symptoms of a urinary tract
infection mimic those of other conditions,
that’s why it is still best to see your health
care provider if you think you have urinary tract
infection. A urine test is needed to confirm
that you have an infection. But you can help
reduce the discomfort by taking pain-relieving
It’s the Year of the Ox and
medications, drinking plenty of water, and of being okay!
avoiding smoking, coffee, alcohol and spicy
foods, all of which irritate the bladder.

Lice, all lice!

When is it time to go to a medical
doctor to cure pubic lice?
OMAR, MANILA
“Generally, pubic lice can be cured with an
application of certain medications available
over the counter, but in some circumstances
it may be necessary to seek a doctor’s care,”
says Dr. Cordero. “The main problem with pubic
lice is that people often scratch incessantly,
which leads to secondary bacterial infection.
When scratching is intense for long periods,
the skin can be worn and broken resulting into
redness or, worse, pus. It can even lead to a
fever, burning when you urinate, or a genital
discharge.”

Itchy and scratchy

I have been happily married for three
years now, even with the illicit sex
I have on the side. Lately, my wife
accused me of passing genital herpes
to her, which is dubious because I
don’t have it. Does that mean she’s
also cheating on me or is there a
medical explanation to it?
ADRIAN, PASIG
According to Dr. Cordero, herpes carriers
can transmit the disease without having
any symptoms of active infection. If you get
yourself checked up, you would probably
test positive. This is so common and highly
infectious that it can be transmitted so fast
during sexual activity. For some it can cause
blisters or groups of small open sores on and
around the genitals in both men and women.
With correct prescription it can be controlled.
But it can never be cured.

122 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Photography Roy Macam

Kimberly
Has swapped kisses with
a girl. Don’t bother asking
why she’s here!
We’ve mastered the art of
rummaging through our
vocabulary of safe words to
ask our women dangerous
questions. But sometimes we THE FACTS
think, why bother? See, when Name: Kimberly

INTERVIEW: KHYNE L. PALUMAR; STYLING: REY SANTOS; MAKEUP: DIANA DE CASTRO; HAIR: MARITESS SANTOS. THANKS TO PINK BELTER, BOUTIQUE SQUARE GOLD CREST, GLORIETTA 2
smoldering hottie Kimberly calls Age: 21
her boyfriend a toy, pronounces Profession: Model
it’s fun to swap torrid kisses with See her: around QC,
her lady friend, and lays us lines Embassy
like “go lang nang go,” we get a
feeling that she can say anything
she wants, no matter how dirty...

Life education
Dati nag-aaral ako ng HRM,
because I love cooking, but I
stopped kasi I wanted to work
already. Mas marami kang
matututunan pag nagtatrabaho.

Jetsetter
Nag ta-travel ako sa Hong Kong
and Thailand with my best friend
who lives in Hong Kong now.
We go together kasi she has
a lot of money, ha ha! Hindi,
she’s so blessed. She takes me
wherever. Go lang nang go.

She’s in parties
When I’m not out, I like chatting.
Friendster. Facebook. Pero
party person talaga ako. I always
go out. Go lang ako nang go.
Parang dito sa shoot, pero hindi
naman yung sobrang naked
talaga…yung kaya ko lang!

A certain smile
Guys that turn me off? Yung
pangit yung ngipin. Gusto ko
maganda yung smile. Gusto ko
rin yung malinis sa katawan. I
sometimes like bad boys, but
not sobrang bad boy. I don’t like
guys that are too macho, yung
masyadong muscles. Pero hindi
naman sobrang thin, yung tama
lang.

She kissed a girl… GIRL

Pag sa kissing, mas soft ang OF FTRIEND
girls. I did it with my best friend—
MON HE
we tried, but not in public, in
her house lang. Torrid kiss. And
TH
JA NUA
it’s good. Pero that’s only with RY
her. Close kasi talaga kami, and
she’s also cool like me!

124 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Sonny Ramirez Illustration

got turned on. So much, in fact,

that he asked me to give him
a blowjob right in our hallway.
Excited by the idea, I did not
hesitate and went on. After a
few minutes, we heard some
footsteps coming toward us. It
was mom! We hastily stood up
like nothing was happening. I
just gave a lame excuse that
he was about to go home and
dragged him outside so that mom
would not notice his obviously
hard stick. Still I knew she was
suspecting us of something!
Rose, by email

Camp rock!
My boyfriend and I went to
Tagaytay last summer. It was
so sunny there at the time so
we pitched a tent to hide from
the sun. Something naughty
entered our heads: Do the deed
inside the tent! Never mind
that our push-and-pull tent was
moving ridiculously. We even felt
someone touch our tent when
we were about to come. Though
somewhat annoyed, we went on
with this one-of-a-kind adventure.
When we were done, we felt that
“somebody” was still watching
us from outside. We went out
and saw a little boy asking for
pocket change. Safe! Doing the
CONFES deed outdoors made the whole

Ladies’
S
OF THEION act hotter and knowing that
MONTH somebody was watching us just
made it more exciting.

confessions
Nicky, by email

Boys like...girls?

PLEASE CALL 451-8888 LOCAL 1074 AND LOOK FOR CHET TEJADA BEFORE CLAIMING YOUR PRIZE.
Happy birthday suit!
My boyfriend’s parents and sister I’ve had a crush on this cute

DEADLINE OF CLAIMING PRIZES IS ON JANUARY 25. UNCLAIMED PRIZES WILL BE FORFEITED.

Starting the year with a bang! were going out of town for a
week, so he decided to throw a
and nerdy drummer from an
underground band for the longest
small birthday party for me at time. When I was informed that
Sleepless lady exploring my breasts. He was just
their house. We bought a variety they were having a gig at a bar
shows nasty signs so good at it that I got carried
of drinks and got drunk in the near our place, and since my
I happened to exchange numbers away. It was fantastic that we
living room. By 4AM, we were parents don’t normally allow me
with this guy during our duty in ended up doing it until very late in
sloshed and in heat, so we went to go out at night, I sneaked
the same hospital. Unfortunately, I the morning the next day; I even
to his room. We made passionate out of our house to see them
learned that this guy was currently forgot about my scheduled lunch-
love over and over again until play—alone! As I reached the bar’s
in a three-year relationship as I out with my boyfriend. I rushed,
the morning. It felt good—the entrance, I saw his bandmates
was. Add to that the fact that he anyway, and at the restaurant the
whole time I was screaming so seated together, but my crush
was a bit snobbish. I knew I’d be poor guy couldn’t help staring at
loud, confi dent that nobody would was nowhere in sight. I searched
having a hard time, but instead me. He even made a comment
hear us. At 10 in the morning, and saw him in a dark spot in the
of being despondent, it made me about my hair and dress, and got
I reached for the fridge to get parking lot—holding hands with
more piqued to get his attention. distracted that I’d yawn every 15
some water, naked. As I turned the vocalist of another band. The
So I asked a common friend to minutes and looked groggy. How
around I was shocked to see my sad fact was, they were both guys!
set up a date for us. Soon we I wish I could tell him why I didn’t
boyfriend’s brother-in-law and his Fran the Fan, by email
were hanging out and, day by day, get enough sleep last night…
JayCee, by email friends in the living room, staring
our chatting topics got bolder at me. I dropped the glass of
and wilder, to the point that we’re LETTER WINS PRIZE!
Couple gets by with water I was holding and ran back
exchanging mushy talk. Right to the room. I told my guy what Send your entries to: FHM Ladies’ Confessions, 6F &
after knowing that we’re both non- a little rub 7F Robinsons Cybergate Center Tower3, Robinsons
One weekend, I had my boyfriend happened. Turns out, he forgot
virgins, we got excited and planned Complex, Pioneer St., Mandaluyong City 1550. Or try
come over our house. We hung to tell me that his brother-in-law our fax (6372206) or email (fhm@summitmedia.
a night together. He asked me to would be coming that morning
sleep over in his place. We drank out in the sala while mom was in com.ph). The Confession of the Month gets P2,500
her room. At the dinner table, I from work. He then started to worth of gift certificates from The Love Store
there and after a few shots of laugh, and all I could do was hit
tequila, we got horny. He grabbed reached for his crotch using my
foot. With a little rubbing he soon him with a pillow. What a shame!
me by the waist and started Abbi, by email

126 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

01/09

Upgrade
TRAVEL
SURVIVE
UNEMPLOYMENT
FIRST AID
SYATO

Live long and prosper

Pick up Stasis bites. For a fix of sanity,

however temporary, and to scratch
that recurring wanderlust itch, we
all need one thing: traveling. We’re
it’s a cheap means of getting
around, and as much as possible,
ayaw nating mapamahal pag
nag-ta-travel.” Robert Alejandro of

and leave!
not talking wimpy court violation for Art Is Kool fame, and of recently
fleeing the scene without dribbling published book on his South
that damn ball. We’re talking lacing Asian backpacking escapade, The
up them shoes and fleeing in real Sketching Backpacker, relates. “It
time, vacation leaves (possibly) may not be for everybody, definitely
Your emergency exit: planned, included. And what manlier, cheaper not the sosyal, but if you’re looking
way to do that than by way of the for an adventure, you have to try it
plotted and penny-pinched! vagabond staple: The backpack. at least once in your life.” Alejandro
“Ang backpacking culture kasi says. Of course, even “adventures”
WORDS: KHYNE L. PALUMAR rito sa Asia at sa Pilipinas, hindi call for some semblance of
PHOTOGRAPHY: YAYAY DE CASTRO; SPECIAL kasing practiced kaysa sa Europe organization, plus where and how
THANKS TO RECREATIONAL OUTDOOR
EXHANGE AT BONIFACIO HIGHSTREET and the west, pero kung tutuusin to start you ask? We dish out the
dito dapat siya nag-ta-thrive kasi 101s...

LIFE ENHANCER Start slow and run faster and harder by the culminating half of your jog.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 129

 Disney World in Orlando, Florida covers 30,500
acres (46 square miles), making it twice the size
of the island of Manhattan, New York.
Vagabonding 01/09

THE KIT THE DESTINATION

You don’t need to put “kikay” The boondocks
before it and come out gay, Literally take a hike and head for the
but in truth, kits are a prime mountains. That’s not euphemism
travel importance. They ensure for joining an anti-government arm
everything—both you and our and taking, well, arms.
gear—are in place. Here’s what Recreational Outdoor
you need, and what they should Exchange or R.O.X. in ‘Ha?
contain. Bonifacio High Street wrong
organizes hikes and number?’
FOR FIRST backpacking trails with
AID idiot-proof itineraries.
Alcohol / If you plan on hiking
Alcohol swabs “independently,” make like
Cotton E.T. and phone home, or let Some Yetis had
Aspirin somebody know where you’re it better than
others
Hydrogen leaving for before you do.
Peroxide
(Agua Oxenada)
Band Aids GO EAST
Gauze Abroad with no
visa-hassles
FOR
THE LOO SINGAPORE
Shaver and Where airfare is cheap, English
cream understood, and Pinoys abound.
Toothpaste and Currency: Sing dollars
Toothbrush Visit: Sentosa Jurong
Towels The metro The countryside When: October - March
Toilet paper When pollution of every variety, It doesn’t make sense for a
traffic, and terrorism abound, traveler to have seen the world Happy tourist trivia: Bus trips from
Soap and Shampoo Singapore to Malaysia cost $29 or
what’s left to thrill? There are but have no idea what his
plenty of hole-in-the-wall spots backyard looks like. And what roughly P1,500.
FOR GENERAL
SURVIVAL for novel sights and sounds. You have we got lying around? La
could be living an eskinita away Union for surfing waves, Baguio MALAYSIA
Swiss army If they are “Truly Asia” then where does
knife (thing is, from a great bar and never knew for the cool weather, Sagada
it existed. Get lost and rediscover for cultural pride (and some that leave us? But that doesn’t mean we
you can’t get won’t visit.
past the airport your backyard. Head on to spot. very good leaves), Vigan for
com.ph for tailored tastes, and cobblestones, Tagaytay for more Currency: Ringgit
with these) Visit: Penang, Merdeka Square, the
Tape (Duct and/or Masking) what you’re looking for. highlands, Rizal for art and itik.
Batu Caves
Ziploc / waterproof bags When: June - September
Matches / lighter
Flashlight THAILAND
Fresh batteries Like Manila, but with more culture.
Chargers, adapters, power cords Currency: Baht
Nylon twisties (for tangles cords Visit: Khao San Road,
and such) When: November – April
Condoms Happy tourist trivia: Thai authorities
deem it illegal to leave home without
FOR STAYING your underwear.
IN PLACE
Passport, tickets, LAOS
visa (photocopied Is very “in” and welcoming to the likes of
and placed in
Abroad
But limited to non-visa countries tourists, despite what joke the country’s
different bags/ name may connote.
considering we promised
pockets) Currency: Kip
scrimping on budget and staying
City/road/rail/map Visit: Vientiane, Luang Prabang
true to backpacking philosophy.
Travel checks, ATM/credit cards When: November - March
Stay in hostels, eat street
Calculator
food, take a bus cross-country
Locks and keys CAMBODIA
instead of a plane, splurge every
Camera Temples, rain, more temples.
once in a while but live mostly
off ramen and cup noodles. Currency: Riel
“Siyempre magtitipid ka para Visit: Siem Reap, Pol Pot, the Royal
mas mapatagal din yung length Palace in Phnom Penh, Angkor Wat
ng stay mo sa isang lugar.” When: November – February
Alejandro says.

LIFE ENHACER Soles of old running shoes make for ideal walking shoes.

130 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 Surfing permeated ancient Polynesian society, including religion
and myth. Polynesian chiefs would demonstrate and confirm their

UPGRADEJOBS
authority by the skills they displayed in surfing.

01/09 Careers Photography Jovel Lorenzo

here: Volcom and Ripcurl. Then we

CV distribute Insight, which is like a
quirky Australian art fashion brand
and we have different skateboard
brands. It’s a mix of everything.
Name: Freddy Gonzales Havaianas is here obviously
Born: January 10, 1978 because of the relationship, but
Education: University of Portland, it’s mostly brands that reflect what
Oregon (Bachelor of Science in we’re about. but it’s not just the
gear and products we’re selling,
Sociology) it’s also promoting the surf culture.

WORK Peddling the culture

1998-2002 PHILIPPINE We probably sponsor the most
NATIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM, surf competitions than any other
company around. Whether it’s
STRIKER a surf competition or event that
“What I took up in school wasn’t we do on our own, or something
related to any profession that I somebody else organized that
hits close to the store. But we
ended up doing. I played for the
actually have tons of events. And
Philippine team where I was striker. we have about nineteen surfers
It was a paying job.” that we sponsor, it’s kind of hectic
because we have to keep track
2002–2003 EAST ASIA BANK of them all. Last October we also
[VIETNAM FOOTBALL TEAM], sponsored a Sector Nine race
STRIKER to promote alternative means of
transportation.
“The Tiger Cup is the biggest
tournament in the ASEAN region, Nitpicking isn’t a crime

Celebrity CV right after our game with Vietnam,

I got a call from Club-V saying they
wanted to bring us to Ho Chi Minh
I try to come visit the store as
often as I could but I try to hold
back because I’m always trying to

FreddyGonzales and sign us. Anywhere in Southeast

Asia other than the Philippines,
arrange the merchandise. Because
customers nowadays, they’re very
particular, when they come in the
store. They take notice of the look,
The former football player turned football is such a big hit. Vietnam
how the display is and if they see
has the biggest league in the
entrepreneur still plays for the region, and I was lucky enough to
something falling apart, they might
say something like “Ay cheap.”
home team be playing there. Everything was Anybody can literally be the dirtiest
person in the world and I wouldn’t
Follow that beating taken care of; all I had to do was
be all fussy about, but I’m too
organ play football.” obsessive about things.
I had this idea back in ’95 or
’96. I actually contacted a lot of 2003–TO DATE HAVAIANAS Visual appeal
companies then, the same ones PHILIPPINES, CO-FOUNDER/ If you stare at a wall with like two
I’m dealing with today. The problem EXCLUSIVE IMPORTER skateboards it doesn’t look very
was, my mom didn’t nice, but if you stare at one that
want to fund it, she
“My wife and I initially started out
has like twenty or thirty on every
wanted me to go to Havaianas, that’s my background side, then it gives a sort of nice
school. It wasn’t until I in retail. I’m a tsinelas person. But little visual appeal to the store.
was capable of doing action sports is really my first love. That’s what our brands like, too.
it on my own that I They want to have everything out
was able to do it. It would only hear
So when I finally had the means, I
there. They don’t just want to have
started because I about us via text, decided it’s about time to do it.” a few little pieces here and there.
felt bad for us, it’s and from surfboard
hard to get any gear sites. We have a 2005–TO DATE ALOHA
Close to complete
here, and the choices cool little office BOARDSPORTS INC., We want to give people all the
aren’t so great. I wanted to fix that. where we have ramps. It’s actually PRESIDENT possible selections. So if you’re
kind of cool, because when we’re “I talked to my wife that I needed coming into the store, and let’s just
The office
INTERVIEW: KHYNE L. PALUMAR

done with work, were allowed to say, hypothetically, you’re going to

We opened our first and, as of yet, skate na. to leave the day-to-day of Havaianas
Bora or somewhere, and you want
only store here at the Powerplant to her. We took on another partner, to get a dress for the beach. You’re
Mall in Rockwell, Makati. It’s only Giving and receiving and when I knew it was already not going to come in here and find
been around nine months. But We have our own market, but three dresses, we’ll have a whole
stable, then came Aloha Board
Aloha Boardsports, as a business, we’re distributing different brands, rack of dresses. With a clothing line
has been around since 2005. I used so we’re sort of broadening the Sports out of my passion for we try to give the full line. In terms
to run it out of a warehouse, selling market, for the surf culture as well. skateboarding and surfboarding.” of gear, there’s a variety of boards,
only surfboard brands, and people We have two major clothing brands and of course, flip flops.

LIFE ENHANCER We lose 10,000 to 100,000 brain cells daily, eating brain food (i.e. whole grains, beans, vegetables, eggs, etc) can help preserve it.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 131

UPGRADEFINANCE
The office satire comic strip Dilbert appears in 2,000
newspapers worldwide. It has even spawned The Dilberito,
a vegetarian burrito with several vitamins and minerals.

Unemployment 01/09

‘Behind the Xerox stagnant little bureaucrat. Improve

machine–in five minutes!’ constantly and further your skills
and certification. Take advantage
of the additional training or
certification through your current
company, and start padding your
resume with more qualifications.
In your job search, it is possible
for you to land the job over a more
experienced candidate because
you have more certified skills. Also,
this might help you bag a higher
paying job as well.

Seek out, maintain a

business network
Networking and establishing
connections at all times is not just
about being nice but also serves
as a “backup plan” when your job
becomes nixed. As such, treat
every networking opportunity as
a “preliminary” interview with a
prospective employer, putting your
best foot forward at all times. As
you build relationships with those
around you in your company and in

How to survive
other areas of the industry you will
have contacts that can help you to
find a new job. Remember, most

losing a job
job hires come as a result
of who you know.

Update your
resume
Don’t be a victim of the global crisis! Work on it ironing
out some of
With the economy hitting a rough plan is amassing enough funds to you will the kinks and
patch of late, companies may tide you over until you find a new be able amplify your key
be forced to issue plenty of pink source of income. It is thus very to use strengths. Beef
slips to cut “redundant” positions. important to make a commitment your severance up your reference
While you may be thinking that to follow a budget every month, pay and stretch list and actively seek
your job is a critical component and to make every effort to get out it much farther out new job postings
of what your company does, the of debt. If you were to because you have saved online and through friends.
reality is the business of layoffs lose your job and that money. Gauge interest in the job market
is strictly a numbers game, not you were already on ‘In Japan, my by calling contacts and getting
one of merit or loyalty. Preparing a budget, it is much life would be Diversify your income updates from them. Remember,
to lose your job, even as a easier to see what over now’ Setting up alternative sources of your accomplishments may
precautionary measure, is a smart you will need to income could be a way out of a speak for themselves, but being a
way of bracing yourself for the change to keep your financial quagmire. It also enables proactive job seeker can make you
tough times ahead, and it better finances under control while you to become less reliant on even more marketable outside your
shield you from the fallout once you look for a new job. your current job. Use some current company.
you do get axed. of your savings to start a
Generally, companies begin Build up an emergency small sideline business you Prepare yourself
by firing people who have been fund can operate from home or mentally
there the shortest time. This Emergency funds should be at on your spare time, or It’s hard for most people to
often means that people in their the core of your savings take on a part time comprehend losing a job, and
twenties are sometimes the plan in tough economic job to increase your the initial reaction would be
hardest-hit demographic when it times. This emergency cash flow. of shock and panic. And while
comes to layoffs. Remember, even fund should ideally cover you can’t prepare yourself to
when times are good, you should three to six months of Keep on know exactly how you’ll feel
be preparing yourself to handle a your expenses, or must improving and react to a lay off, you can
WORDS: RAFAEL SANTOS

possible layoff. be equivalent to three your work brace for it by planning ahead
Here are some things you can months of your full salary. skills of time. Create a support
do to prepare: As it generally takes most Just because you network of family and friends
people between three have a cushy office to help you get through it. And
Start making and to six months to find a job doesn’t mean always remember, it pays to be
following a budget job, and with even more you should settle prepared in these uncertain
A critical component of a layoff companies freeze hiring, for becoming a times.

LIFE ENHANCER Alcohol improves blood circulation.

132 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 UPGRADEHEALTH
A person will die from
total lack of sleep sooner
than from starvation.
Illustration Tracy Beverly Santuyo First Aid 01/09

1 BROKEN BONES 3 CHOKING fan, or use an abaniko if you

have to.
2 Get hydrated. Preferably with
fluids that have electrolytes in
them, yes, that would be a sports
drink.
3 Or drink something you
can make at home. Mix half a
tablespoon of salt in a quart of
water. Drink one or two glasses.

Choking
You ate too much, too fast, and
too soon. Now you’re going to
die, but only if somebody else
can help against. And if
In the you are that somebody,
likely unfortun how responsible
blurs, acase that yoate but
pro re havin ur visio should you be?
b g n
one bolems, unable breathing
dy part to mov
naus , expe e WHAT TO DO:
and ea and vom riencing 1 The Heimlich.
your eashooting blooiting,
all a rs or nos d up Wrap your arms
2 HEAT CRAMPS 4 OPEN WOUND spinal dds up as hee, which around the choking
head ainjury, never ad and person from behind
nd ca tilt y
immedll the hospitoaur and secure both
iately. l
hands just below
the person’s chest
with the least intention of
pananantsing.
2 With one fist holding the other,
thumb tucked in and turned
towards the direction of the
choking party’s stomach. Pull
your fist forcibly towards yourself,
to the victim’s diaphragm, never
mind how both of you look like
doing it.
3 Pull stunt repeatedly and with
full force until victim un-chokes.

Open wounds
Lacerations, abrasions, incisions,
and general malayo sa bituka

Stall for the doctor!

cuts that nonetheless look nastier,
especially when they
tear at that flap of
‘Ah, that supposedly rugged
balat sibuyas skin.
Wounded? Learn first aid now! elusive thing
called death!’ Open wounds bleed
more profusely than
Cramps, come and get it. Who’d briefly yelp in pain, possibly fall to Heat cramps usual – “usual” is
want to hear that? Not a well- the floor, suck it up like a man and It’s not the result of cattiness in when blood stays on your
adjusted person with the least administer first aid. women at the onset of PMS in skin, and not drip.
tolerance for physical pain, we their favorite time of the month.
presume. Given you’re not one WHAT TO DO: So what are they? A form of WHAT TO DO:
with masochistic tendencies, you’d 1 Get some ice. pulikat. Spasms in your muscle 1 Find a non-stretchy
want this kind of crisis nipped in 2 Assume a comfortable resting that result when you exercise piece of clothing to use
the cursed bud while waiting in line position and elevate the body part overzealously in a more as tourniquet.
at the hospital, or for the doctor to in question. than warm temperature and 2 If the cloth isn’t already
book you in for an appointment. 3 Minimize movement by supporting environment. two inches wide, fold it so
What are they? said body part with a pillow or
WORDS: KHYNE L. PALUMAR

it becomes one.
with any available and preferably WHAT TO DO: 3 Tie a knot just above
Broken bones comfortable object around. 1 Find somewhere the wound the way
It doesn’t matter if it’s a fracture, 4 Ice the injured body part and to cool down. you would your
dislocation, sprain, or the whole stay that way until the medical Turn on the shoelaces, minus
orthopedic handbook backwards. reinforcements arrive, or one of airconditioning the bow.
When it hurts on the inside, and we your buddies decide take you to system, hog 4 Call an
don’t mean emotional scars, you them. the electric ambulance.

LIFE ENHANCER On long distance runs, eat something every hour whether or not your body wants to.

www.fhm.com.ph JANUARY 2009 FHM 133

UPGRADEACTIVE Baseball terms are also used as metaphors for sex. For
example, the baseball terms “Pitcher” and “Catcher” are used to
describe the participants in male homosexual anal intercourse.

01/09 Syato Illustration Tracy Beverly Santuyo

Not so long ago kids filled the

streets to play because, as
Sandwich puts it, “Wala pa nu’ng KNOW A SPORT

Syato!
Internet/Wala pa nu’ng iPod o
MP3,” and Syato was definitely one
of the favorite pastimes.
It’s the Pinoy version
The game uses two sticks: one of baseball—jologs style!
short and one long, the latter used
for hitting the other. The game can
be played by two persons or by
two teams. It can be played in any
open space, but is best in a grassy
field or soil. A lot of catching and
running is involved so a softer
playing field is best to minimize
injuries. A burrow is placed on one
end of the playing field, shallow GAMEPLAY
enough so that half of the length Game starts with “manuhan.” Each
of the small stick will extend above player will place the small stick above
the ground for the players to hit. the burrow and using the long stick, he
This will be the “base” and is where will shovel it out as far as he can. The
most of the action takes place. one who hurls it the farthest will be the
There’s no time limit, no “mano,” and then takes the offensive
definite number of rounds, no end. The mano will then place the small
proper outfit required, no referees. stick in the burrow in a manner that half
And definitely pikon is always talo of its length extends above the ground.
in Syato, which makes it not only Using the long stick, he’ll flip it up and
distinctively Pinoy, but also a hell of hit it away from the base. As the small
a way to waste time. stick goes airborne, the other player
positioned in the field will try to catch it.
If he does, he becomes the new mano.
When he fails to catch it, the mano will
use the length of the long stick to
SCORING measure the distance of the shorter
The score is simply the sum of one’s stick from the base. He’ll stay in offense
successful hits. The player (or team) until the other player makes a catch.
with the higher score wins a round.
As penalty, the winning player (or
each player of the winning team) will
hold the small stick and try to launch
it as far as he can. The losing player
will then go to the spot where it has
landed, pick it up, and bring it back to
the base while shouting “Syaaa…to!”

WORDS: RUEL S. LUCAS

LIFE ENHANCER Drinking orange juice on a regular basis can help curb alcohol addiction.

134 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph

 sat next to my table. She was
so stunningly beautiful that I
couldn’t help stealing glances
at her. From time to time she
would look back at me too that
I had this impression she’d be
interested in getting my name
and number. I thought hard about
it, and after chomping two slices
of my all-meat pizza, I found the
courage to come up to her and
introduce myself. Just as I was
about to open my mouth, an old
man with a funny moustache
tapped my shoulder. “Excuse
me? Yes? Are you a friend of my
daughter?” he said. Turns out the
young looker wasn’t alone after
all. I just made an excuse that I
mistook her for my neighbor from
two years ago. I went back to my
seat and finished my meal as fast
as I could.
Cheeser, by email

Man in sando lets

train passenger down!
I take the MRT every day, and
trust me when I say it offers more
pain than pleasure. Yes, it lords

TRUE STORIES Choir boy’s ‘mic’ fails

at sound check
It was the birthday of my sexy
over Edsa traffic, and yes, I get
an occasional “feel” of lovely
ladies lost in the male section.
choir mate. I love being with her

HURT!
But I have to bear with sweaty,
because she’s cute and cuddly. sneezing, Datu Puti-smelling
Plus, she always gives me a co-passengers all the time. And
friendly hug! So I came to her I mean all the time. So there
place and we had a drinking was this one time that the train
Mishaps sure to land on anyone’s session with her friends. We
played naughty games—kissing
I was on was packed to its brim.
New Year’s resolution list! games and the like. It so
This one tall manong-looking,
sando-wearing man beside me
happened she lost a round and was holding on to the rail above,
Hygiene becomes high pain! had to kiss me…torridly. I didn’t his sweaty armpit hair rubbing
My girlfriend asked me if we could check in give a response because I felt my face with every turn of the
E

PLEASE CALL 451-8888 LOCAL 1074 AND LOOK FOR CHET TEJADA BEFORE CLAIMING YOUR PRIZE.
TRURY at our suki pension house after a long period
shy. But when she held my hand train. Not only that—he stank

DEADLINE OF CLAIMING PRIZES IS ON DECEMBER 20. UNCLAIMED PRIZES WILL BE FORFEITED.

secretly to her friends, I touched big time! I tried several times to
STOTHE of abstinence. The thought excited the hell and caressed her back and nape, turn my back on him, but there
OF NTH out of me, and the fi rst thing that came to then pulled the strap of her bra. was literally no space to swivel

MO my mind was to clean my bush. Hopefully Midnight came and her friends my foot on. I tried holding my
had to go. We started kissing breath, too, but I swear I was
when it gets cleared down there, she would like there’s no tomorrow. I played going to die before I could reach
give me a good head since she normally with her breasts and gave her my my destination. I had no choice
didn’t like to do that. So while I was doing very first suck. In spite of all this, but to tell the man to kindly put
my cock didn’t seem to respond. his arms down. He did it, but not
some gardening downstairs, the unexpected The most nerve-racking part was without first giving me a cold
happened: I accidentally cut a small portion when she requested me to go stare. It was the first time I ever
of the skin on my scrotum! It bled profusely inside her. Still my Pedro wouldn’t put someone down (both ego and
STAR and hurt an awful lot! I was nervous above wake! She giving me another arms) in public. I never wanted to
STORIES head proved useless. A hand offend anyone in my life, but at
all that we might end up in the emergency job and still of no avail. “ Itago least I’m alive now.
AINA room. Luckily, it didn’t have to go there. My
GONZALES mo na lang yan, ayaw namang Railway child, by email
I was running late girlfriend texted me that she was already tumayo eh,” she said after a
for a dinner date in the place so I hurried up and went there. number of failed attempts. She
that I had to do my was so disappointed and I was so STORY WINS PRIZE!
ILLUSTRATION: SONNY RAMIREZ

makeup on the cab.

When we were about to start making love, embarrassed. And to think it was
she noticed some red droplets in my boxer Send your entries to: FHM True Stories, 6F
When I got to the supposed to be my first time! & 7F Robinsons Cybergate Center Tower 3,
resto, people would shorts and started to worry. I told her the Brando, Cainta, Rizal Robinsons Complex, Pioneer St., Mandaluyong
look funny at me. I whole story. She just laughed and said, City 1550. Or try our
went to the powder
“Aww…Kawawa ka naman,” while caressing
Chick’s dad shuts up fax (6372206) or email
room. It was only hopeful’s pie-hole ([email protected].
ph). This month’s winner
there that I saw my my balls. Nevertheless we went on with the I was eating alone in a pizza
lipstick smudged gets an RF Treatment from
down my chin!
plan. house when a young, fair-skinned Aesthetic Science.
Kitoyks, by email lady in short-shorts came in and

136 FHM JANUARY 2009 www.fhm.com.ph