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For all those living in times of despair who still manage to
look their best
 INTRODUCTION
WHO IS KIM KIERKEGAARDASHIAN?

I first met Kim Kierkegaardashian in 2018, in Los Angeles. Although my

bread and butter is the teaching of philosophy, I am a notorious bon vivant,
and I frequent fashion shows and soirées whenever possible, particularly
when I am in America. I find there is nowhere better to understand
philosophy’s penetrating critique than among the wealthy. I was at a
gathering at the home of an actor who had once been a student of mine,
when I noticed a person who was standing just apart from everyone else
and yet was the object of considerable attention: a figure, notable even
among that attractive crowd for radiating an intense charisma, dressed
with incredible flair, and whose face projected an air of deep intelligence.
I asked my host who this remarkable person was. I was informed that it
was Kim Kierkegaardashian.
Now, most of you may know Kim Kierkegaardashian as the creator of
the popular eponymous Twitter account, which has been described as an
amalgamation of the world of the American reality star Kim Kardashian
West with the philosophy of Søren Kierkegaard, the Danish existentialist
philosopher who died in 1855. The musings therein seem to combine some
words uttered or tweeted by Ms. West, combined with bits and fragments
from the numerous tomes of Herr Kierkegaard.
As parody, the work is par excellence, for it pokes fun at the reality star
while also taking the wind out of the sometimes ponderous Mr.
Kierkegaard. But, as I and many of my colleagues aver, Kim
Kierkegaardashian’s words do not exist as mere mockery. Indeed, some of
the aphorisms seem to show us a heretofore unnoticed depth to the life of
the reality star, and add a surprising frisson of contemporaneity to the work
of the Danish philosopher. And indeed, as the best writing may do, these
pithy sayings transcend their subject matter, to be read as statements on
existence more broadly.
I, too, was an admirer of the work. But up until that evening in Los
Angeles, I had assumed that Kim Kierkegaardashian existed merely as a
construct of language. Never had I suspected that this figure from the
Internet was indeed an actual person.
But here, standing before me, was that same person. To be clear, this
was not the person behind the Internet persona. Rather, standing here was
the true Kim Kierkegaardashian, the living embodiment of the two
disparate cultural figures, united into one flesh.
Emboldened by a flute or two of champagne (which is my preferred
drink, even in the States) I dared to approach. I introduced myself as an
admirer. Those remarkable dark eyes lit up, charming pleasantries were
exchanged, and from that mouth came witty and hilarious lines–insights
into the world of fashion, observations about the culture of celebrity,
apparently mundane tips about makeup, followed by profound and
insightful quips that peeled back the truth of our strange times, and
seemed to expose the meaning of life itself. I made a comment on the
lovely scent of perfume I detected. “Ah, my new fragrance,” came the
reply. “It smells of modern life’s nauseating air.”
Now each time Kierkegaardashian spoke, it was only very brief–let us
say, roughly 140 characters, and then the eyes would briefly fall, and one
could detect a sigh escape from those otherworldly lips.
I had the sudden fear of wearying the great mind with too much idle
chatter, and excused myself to the bar. But I saw that no sooner did I step
away than others approached–fans and admirers–to bask in the glow. The
beautiful, thoughtful face would light up, out from that well-formed
mouth would pour forth wisdom and bon mots, the surrounding crowd
would respond with appreciative laughter, they would raise their glasses
here and there in appreciation. I heard someone in the crowd mention that
Kierkegaardashian was expected soon to pay a visit to a fellow celebrity in
the White House. I was somehow not surprised. Was not the glamorous
philosopher perfectly suited to show the man in the Oval Office the
despair in which he unconsciously dwells, and to give him tips on toning
down his orange glow besides?
I asked myself: Who was this remarkable person who was here, and yet
not here? This person who was the life of the party, and yet who seemed so
completely set apart from the crowd? Who seemed at times so cheerful,
and then so very sad?
As I looked into Kierkegaardashian’s eyes, I came to the following
conclusion. That here was a person for whom this party, this life of
celebrity and beauty and fashion and politics, was all a distraction from
more profound and serious concerns. Even though she stood at the center
of such glamour, even though she was surrounded by people whose lives
were steeped in money and glitter, the accoutrements of such lives–the
private planes, the smartphones, the couture gowns, the glossy magazines–
were exactly the things that interested Kim Kierkegaardashian least.
I had by now downed several more flutes of champagne, in direct
contradiction to my doctor’s orders. I grew more attracted to that solemn
yet cheerful figure. I walked across the room once more . . .

• • •

I woke up the next morning with a headache and a stomach unsettled from
the previous evening’s excess. I was alone. I wondered if that wondrous
meeting with my intellectual and comedic hero had been a dream. I turned
over in my bed and saw on my nightstand, among my sundries, a stack of
manuscript pages.
What was this? Where had it come from? I fumbled for my reading
glasses and picked it up.
Scribbled on the cover page was a brief note thanking me for my
attention to the text. It was signed with Kierkegaardashian’s name. So it
had not been a dream?
I read through the pages with great interest. The manuscript was, it
would seem, a distillation and articulation of Kierkegaardashian’s greatest
wisdom. It was remarkable. I knew immediately that it demanded
publication. As I read, I very seriously analyzed the writing. While many if
not most of the aphorisms had their sources in the words presented in
some medium by Ms. West and, correspondingly, from the works of Herr
Kierkegaard, I found that there were other passages for which no source
material could be detected. Or was that an illusion created by the
combination–had the marriage of opposites erupted in the birth of
something completely original?
As I read and reread the work, I searched for clues, for insights into the
nature of Kierkegaardashian the human being. I began to revise my
previous evening’s estimation. For while Kierkegaardashian is, in one
sense, weary of the world, the world in all its absurdity and excess and
falseness; in another sense, this world of surfaces is precisely what most
fascinates that remarkable mind. The work seeks to puncture that world–to
show the despair hidden just behind it–but also seems to embrace it. And
there is a distinct sense, as one reads, of a gentle humanity. Sometimes
cutting, but often compassionate. We are all of us, after all, a union of
opposites, the temporal and the eternal. Kierkegaardashian holds a mirror
to us and sends us the following message: This is how we are. Love
yourselves and each other. Perhaps become better.
I set down the manuscript and became aware, about my person, most
pleasantly, of a trace of the smell of modern life’s nauseating air.

–R. Shamspeare,
Professor of Philosophy emeritus,
University of East Cambria
“I have majorly fallen off my workout
eating plan! AND it’s summer. But to
despair over sin is to sink deeper into
it.”
 “A white blouse is classic. It says: my
pain and my suffering are nameless;
there is no one who understands me.”
“Obsessed with protecting your skin,
lips, hair & face from the sun? Close
the cover of the coffin tight–really
tight–and be at peace.”
“Lazy day poolside! Best French toast
ever. No other loss can occur so
quietly as the loss of one’s self.”
“Matte makeup reminds a person of
what he truly is–nothing.”
 “I see all of your tweets and
Instagrams and am certain that you
have failed to understand the reality
of death.”
“I like my men like I like my coffee: a
momentary comfort in the midst of all
my suffering.”
“Dressing for fall can be tough. Even
a go-to sweater can’t insulate you
from despair.”
“I feel dull and without joy; my soul is
so empty & void. Black liner, messy
hair kinda day.”
Another Random Scribd Document
with Unrelated Content
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