HOW TO HEAL AN

ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE

WORKBOOK

INTRODUCTION 2

UNDERSTANDING ATTACHMENT STYLES 4

HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE 7

THE POWER OF YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND 20

THE LAW OF DETACHMENT 31

YOUR SHADOW WORK JOURNAL 37

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION 42

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS TRIGGERS 90

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES 117

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS 156

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL GROWTH 198

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE 232

AFFIRMATIONS FOR OVERCOMING ANXIOUS PATTERNS 267

A NEW YOU (CONCLUSION) 270

 INTRODUCTION

HOW TO HEAL AN ANXIOUS

ATTACHMENT STYLE

First of all - welcome. Looks like you just became aware of your anxious attachment style and
you're ready for a change - we love that for you.

You've basically already completed step one - awareness. So, congrats on that.

How to Heal an Anxious Attachment Style is here to help you on the next part of your journey.

Together, we'll delve into the origins of your anxious attachment style, examine how your
subconscious programming has been impacting your emotional responses, practice shadow work
to heal past trauma and learn how to reprogram the mind through visualization and affirmations.

You've probably never tried a journal quite like this before, so here's what to expect.

Think of it like a trusty friend who’s great at listening and has some cool insights that you've never
thought of before.

You might be wondering, why shadow work? Well, the answer is simple.

It's a powerful psychological tool that helps you to explore the hidden parts of your personality,
your 'shadow,' that often influences your actions and reactions in ways you might not even be
aware of.

We'll guide you through the process of understanding the role of your 'shadow,' and using this
knowledge to heal.

We've designed a series of prompts that will encourage introspection, understanding, and
personal growth.

Most importantly, we will equip you with practical tools and techniques to heal your anxious
attachment style.

Before we get started, take a moment to think about what you hope to achieve through this
journey.

There's no judgement here.

Consider this your personal safe space to be honest and real with yourself.

Cool, now that you've done that, ready to get started?

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UNDERSTANDING
ATTACHMENT STYLES

Understanding Attachment Theory

First things first, let's learn a bit about attachment theory.

Attachment theory, at its core, is all about our connections with others.

It's a psychological model that attempts to describe the dynamics of long-term relationships
between humans.

But it's not just any relationship - it's the deep, emotional bond that forms between a child
and their caregivers, and how these early experiences of love and connection influence us
in our adult relationships.

Biologically speaking, humans are wired for connection.

It's not just a feel-good, optional part of life.

It's essential for survival.

In our earliest years, forming an emotional bond with caregivers is vital because it directly
influences a child's safety and well-being.

The child's attachment to a caregiver is a survival mechanism that promotes basic needs,
triggering the caregiver's instinctual response to provide care.

After forming these initial emotional bonds with caregivers in your early years, which are
paramount for your immediate safety and well-being, the impact of these bonds extends far
beyond childhood.

These formative experiences don't just fade away; they embed themselves in your
subconscious mind, becoming a kind of automatic programming that dictates how you
approach relationships and emotional situations as an adult.

We’ll explore this a little further later on.

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UNDERSTANDING
ATTACHMENT STYLES

Types of Attachment Styles

There are 4 main types of attachment styles, each with its unique characteristics,
strengths, and areas for growth. Here are the basics:

Avoidant Attachment
People with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style are uncomfortable with intimacy
and tend to be emotionally distant. They value independence and self-reliance, often
avoiding or downplaying the importance of close relationships. They may have difficulty
expressing their emotions or relying on others for support. They often prefer to maintain
distance in relationships.

Anxious Attachment
People with an anxious attachment style often experience a deep-seated fear of
abandonment, coupled with insecurity and a desire to feel needed. This attachment style
tends to emerge from experiences in early childhood where emotional needs were
inconsistently met, leading to heightened anxiety in relationships. They may also have a
fear of rejection. They tend to have a higher need for closeness and may experience
more frequent and intense emotions in their relationships.

Disorganized Attachment
Also known as fearful-avoidant, this style is characterized by a combination of anxious
and avoidant tendencies. People with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may have a
fear of both rejection and intimacy. They may desire close relationships but also feel
anxious about getting hurt or rejected. They may exhibit contradictory behaviors, such as
pushing others away while simultaneously longing for connection.

Secure Attachment
People with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with both intimacy and
independence. They trust their caregivers and feel secure in their relationships. As adults,
they tend to have healthy and balanced relationships, with good communication, trust,
and emotional support. This is what we’re aiming for!

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HOW YOU DEVELOPED AN

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Understanding Anxious Attachment

An anxious attachment style is characterized by a deep fear of abandonment. It’s rooted in
insecurity, anxiety and a desire to feel needed by someone.

When anxiously attached people obsess about their relationship, ex or a love interest, it
sends their body into “fight or flight” mode which sets off all of your internal alarm
systems.

The ‘fight or flight’ response isn’t always a bad thing. It’s actually crucial for survival in life-
threatening situations.

Problems start to arise when 'fight or flight' becomes your default setting.

As we’ve evolved, the meaning of fighting for survival has changed.

The brain can't tell the difference between fearing a predator that's about to attack you and
fearing something in your imagination (i.e. remembering your ex partner cheating on you).

Both elicit the same biological response - all it takes is one thought and it’s like your mind
and body are reliving that experience over and over again.

Don’t judge yourself if this sounds like you; as we mentioned this attachment style is
actually developed based on how your emotional needs were met as a child.

You may have come from a home where you lacked security, had inattentive or insensitive
caregivers or simply lacked attention and connection.

Maybe your parents were trying their best but were too busy with work, or struggling with
their own mental health or attachment style issues.

You may have also been subjected to toxic relationships or been treated poorly by an ex
partner.

This often leads to an obsessive compulsion when it comes to love and relationships.

An anxiously attached person will constantly try to decipher how someone is feeling,
thinking and acting in a relationship - so much so that it pushes the other person away.

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Causes of an Anxious Attachment Style

Now let's try to identify how you developed your anxious attachment style.

Emotional Neglect
Childhood Roots: Children who feel unseen or unheard unless they "act out" learn to
associate heightened emotions or dramatic behaviors with receiving attention. They might
believe that they need to escalate situations to be noticed or cared for.

Adult Reinforcement: If an adult relationship involves a partner who is dismissive or

neglectful unless confronted with drama, the pattern from childhood is perpetuated. The
person might feel the need to create drama to ensure they remain significant in their
partner's eyes.

Over-Involved Parenting
Childhood Roots: Over-involved or "helicopter" parenting can smother a child's natural
development of independence. Instead of being given space to explore and learn on their
own, these children might feel that they constantly need their parent's approval or
guidance.

Adult Reinforcement: A partner who is overly controlling can reignite those childhood
feelings. Conversely, someone with this background might seek partners who are overly
involved or become overly involved themselves, associating such behavior with love.

Parental Mental Health

Childhood Roots: If your parent/s were dealing with their own emotional or psychological
issues, it's likely that they were inconsistent in their emotional responses towards you. One
day they might be loving and attentive; the next, distant or irritable. This inconsistency can
foster anxious feelings, as you might constantly be on edge.

Adult Reinforcement: In your adult life, this could make you hyper-vigilant in reading your
partner's moods and behavior. You may over-analyze situations and find it hard to feel
secure in a relationship. This constant state of anxiety can make you more reactive to the
ups and downs in your relationships, reinforcing the anxious attachment style rooted in
your early experiences.

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Parental Favoritism
Childhood Roots: Growing up feeling like the less favored child can generate a host of
emotional complexities. You might have internalized the belief that you're less deserving
of love or attention.

Adult Reinforcement: This early imbalance may manifest as an internal tug-of-war

between wanting affection and fearing that you're not worthy of it. You might find
yourself settling for less than you deserve or feeling perpetually "second best" in your
relationship.

Economic Instability
Childhood Roots: Living in a household where financial security was a constant issue can
result in stress and unpredictability. Whether it led to frequent moves, changing schools,
or just a pervasive sense of instability.

Adult Reinforcement: You may find that you're unusually alert to the financial dynamics
in your relationships. You might also react skeptically to offers of stability, reflecting the
insecurity that was instilled in you as a child. This ongoing apprehension perpetuates
your anxious attachment as you continue to question what emotional security really
means.

Academic Pressure
Childhood Roots: Growing up in an environment where academic success was not just
encouraged but expected can create a high-stress atmosphere. The drive to meet these
steep expectations can foster a sense of never being good enough, contributing to an
anxious attachment style.

Adult Reinforcement: This early pressure to excel can manifest as performance anxiety in
your relationships. You might feel an incessant need to "prove" your worth or "earn"
love, driving you into a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt. Even small perceived failures in
your relationship can trigger disproportionate amounts of stress, echoing the academic
pressures of your youth and perpetuating your anxious attachment tendencies.

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Parental Alienation
Childhood Roots: Parental alienation usually occurs when one parent speaks negatively
about the other, this can be during divorce, separation or even when still living under the
same roof. This form of emotional manipulation can severely distort your perception of
what stable relationships look like.

Adult Reinforcement: You may find yourself perpetually skeptical of partners or overly
cautious in committing emotionally. Trusting someone may feel like an uphill battle, and
you might subconsciously worry about choosing "the wrong side," just as you had to as a
child.

Sibling Dynamics

Childhood Roots: If your relationship with your siblings was fraught with conflict,
competition, or neglect, it could have impacted your attachment style. Without effective
mediation from parents, sibling rivalry can escalate into a more damaging experience,
leaving you with mixed feelings about trust and closeness.

Adult Reinforcement: These dynamics may play out in peer relationships or even in the
workplace. You may find it difficult to establish trustful bonds or may see relationships as
zero-sum games where someone has to lose for you to win.

Peer Bullying
Childhood Roots: Suffering from bullying, racism or societal prejudices during your critical
developmental years can significantly impact your sense of self-worth. These experiences
likely made it a challenge to establish trust with peers, adding another layer to your
anxious attachment style.

Adult Reinforcement: You may have a deeply ingrained fear of rejection or humiliation.
This fear can hinder your ability to open up emotionally and could make it difficult to trust
your partner fully.

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Trauma or Loss
Childhood Roots: Experiencing trauma, such as abuse, illness or the loss of a primary
caregiver, can deeply embed feelings of insecurity. You might have constantly feared
another traumatic event or loss, leading to anxiety about relationships and their stability.

Adult Reinforcement: In adult relationships, any sign of conflict or distance might be

perceived as a precursor to another traumatic loss or betrayal. If an adult relationship ends
traumatically, it can compound the fears originating from childhood trauma.

Busy Parent/s
Childhood Roots: Growing up with busy parent/s can create a kind of emotional vacuum.
You may have been well provided for in terms of material needs, but emotional availability
was often in short supply. This can create a deep-rooted anxiety, making you constantly
seek approval and assurance, which you seldom received as a child.

Adult Reinforcement: In your adult relationships, this upbringing can manifest as a need for
constant communication and attention from your partner. The moment you perceive your
partner as being too busy for you, it can trigger an emotional response akin to the anxiety
you felt as a child. Even when you logically know that being busy is a part of adult life, the
emotional imprint from your childhood can make these instances feel like impending
abandonment.

Unresolved Past Relationships

Adult Origin: Even if you didn’t develop an anxious attachment style in childhood, adult
relationships that were particularly tumultuous, betraying, or ended traumatically can
contribute to the development of anxious attachment tendencies.

Adult Reinforcement: Every time you enter a new relationship, past betrayals might haunt
you, leading to constant anxieties about your partner's fidelity, honesty, or commitment.
This isn't just a thought; it's a visceral feeling, a knot in your stomach that tightens
whenever there's an ambiguous text message or an unexplained absence. These constant
anxieties can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing you to act out or withdraw in ways
that may strain the relationship, thereby reinforcing your anxious attachment tendencies.

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Signs of an Anxious Attachment Style

Now that you have some idea of how you developed your attachment style, it’s valuable to
have a clear understanding of what an anxious attachment style looks like in everyday life.

Recognizing the signs can be the first step toward cultivating healthier relationships and
greater emotional balance. Here are some of the defining features of an anxious
attachment style:

A deep fear of abandonment in relationships: You might constantly worry that your
partner will leave you, and this thought creates a cycle of anxiety that's hard to escape.

Overanalyzing and overthinking interactions with others: Even a simple text message
can throw you into a spiral of doubt and worry, making you dissect every word and its
possible implications.

Intense need for reassurance and validation from partners: You often seek external
confirmation of your partner's love and commitment, even when there is no actual
reason to doubt their feelings.

Being overly sensitive to perceived signs of rejection: Whether it's a delayed response
to a text or a seemingly indifferent glance, you might read too much into small actions
and assume they're signs of dwindling affection.

Difficulty trusting others' intentions and loyalty: Even when your partner proves to be
trustworthy, there's a lingering doubt that keeps you on edge, questioning their motives
and fidelity.

Becoming clingy or overly dependent on partners for security: In relationships, you

might feel like you can't stand on your own two feet emotionally. You rely heavily on
your partner to provide a sense of stability and assurance.

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Overwhelming desire for closeness and intimacy in relationships: While the wish for
closeness is natural, it can become excessive to the point of smothering your partner or
disregarding their need for space and autonomy.

Jealousy and possessiveness in romantic partnerships: These intense emotions can arise
even in situations where there's no actual threat to your relationship, causing
unnecessary strife and conflict.

Knowing these signs helps you navigate through the intricacies of your own behavior,
offering insights on where to focus your energy for meaningful change.

Triggers for an Anxious Attachment

As an anxiously attached person you may be triggered by a number of things; from subtle
nuances in conversation, to reading too much into a text or feeling ignored.

Your mind is working on overdrive trying to protect itself from anything that might threaten
your relationship. As an anxiously attached person you can feel triggered when:

Absence or Lack of Communication: A delayed text or call can make you wonder if
your partner is losing interest, leading to anxious thoughts and behaviors.

Changes in Routine: If your partner suddenly changes the usual pattern of interaction or
daily routines without explanation, it might evoke fear and anxiety.

Emotional Distance: Even a minor withdrawal of emotional affection or intimacy can

make you feel insecure and compel you to seek reassurance.

Conflict or Arguments: Disagreements can be perceived as threats to the relationship,

causing anxiety about your partner's commitment to you.

Uncertainty in Relationship Status: If your relationship hasn't been clearly defined, or if

there's uncertainty about future plans, it can make your anxious attachment tendencies
flare up.

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Social Media Activity: Seeing your partner interact with others on social media,
especially without any interaction with you, can be a significant trigger.

Being Excluded from Plans: Whether it's a night out with friends or a family event
where you're not included, the sense of exclusion can arouse feelings of insecurity
and anxiety.

Observing Past Patterns in Current Scenarios: If you've had previous relationships

where your fears of abandonment were realized, similar situations in your current
relationship can act as triggers.

Meeting Important People in Your Partner’s Life: The idea of not making a good
impression can heighten your fears about your partner's commitment to you.

Financial or External Stressors: Situations that are inherently stressful can exacerbate
your anxious tendencies, making it more difficult to maintain a balanced
perspective in your relationship.

By identifying these triggers, you can work towards preemptive strategies and coping
mechanisms.

You'll be better prepared to manage your emotional reactions and take constructive
steps to secure your relationships and internal emotional state.

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Exercise 1: Rating Your Anxious Attachment

This exercise uses a simple rating system to help you better gauge your anxious
attachment tendencies. Rate how true each statement feels for you on a scale of 1
(rarely true) to 10 (always true):

Not receiving a timely call/text triggers you

Your partner making plans without you upsets you

Your partner talking about other people they enjoy makes you feel anxious

You constantly fear that they’ll get bored of you

Your partner wanting time alone or with friends triggers you

You frequently need verbal assurance

You experience intense jealousy when your partner interacts with others

Fear of abandonment often crosses your mind

You feel stomach discomfort or nausea when anxious

You experience shortness of breath when anxious

Low Score (1-20): You show milder anxious attachment tendencies. Awareness of even subtle
triggers can be invaluable for your self-improvement.

Medium Score (21-50): Your anxious attachment tendencies are moderate. Consider focusing
on areas where you scored higher.

High Score (51+): Your anxious attachment tendencies are pronounced and need some work.

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Reflection & Improvement

So, you've looked into various aspects of your emotional landscape, including how you
handle relationships, personal boundaries, and emotional needs.

Now, it's time to focus on those areas where you see room for growth, specifically
concerning your anxious attachment tendencies.

Pay close attention to where you've rated yourself between 6 and 10 in the earlier anxious
attachment exercise.

For each of these high scores, write down a concrete goal or a clarity you're striving to
attain.

Example:

If you scored high on: "Not receiving a timely call/text triggers you."
You could set the goal of: "I want to manage my anxiety around slow replies and feel
secure when I don't get an immediate response."

This exercise will serve as a reference point you can revisit as you journey through this
journal.

It's a way to make sure you're aligning the work you're doing with the goals and changes
you aspire to see in yourself.

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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO IMPROVE ON?

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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO IMPROVE ON?

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THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Getting Stuck in Thought Loops

Did you know, your subconscious mind is on a constant loop?

You've thought around 90% of the same thoughts today as you did yesterday - this is your
very own version of "auto-pilot".

It's always there, always active, shaping the story you live every day.

Think of it like a program that's always running without you realizing it.

From your subconscious mind spring your thoughts, feelings, habits, and ultimately, your
lived reality.

It’s really hard to break this cycle of thought, especially when you’re not aware of it.

So, what are you thinking about?

The subconscious mind stores all of your memories, beliefs, values, past experiences and
trauma.

If you're someone who has unresolved issues, past trauma, resentment, fear or anxiety, the
likelihood is that your subconscious narrative or "the voice in your head" is mostly fearful,
negative and full of anxiety.

For example, if you've experienced trauma that has lead to the belief that "no one will ever
want me" your subconscious programming will continue to reiterate and confirm that belief.

From the moment you're born, your subconscious mind begins to store and learn from
every experience, every emotion, every belief, and all the information you encounter.

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Childhood Programming
We start to establish our subconscious programming between the ages of 0-7 years old.

During this time, both hemispheres of the brain are firing and absorbing everything around
us like a sponge.

This is where we start to become conditioned by our families, friends, schools, religious
beliefs and society.

Through this conditioning, we begin to develop our own personal identity or “Ego”.

By the time you reach 8 years old the majority of your assumptions and belief systems are
deeply ingrained in the subconscious mind and will continue to affect your behaviour into
adulthood.

So, in essence, all of your ingrained beliefs, assumptions and influences from childhood are
still triggering your subconscious mind today without you even realizing it.

The mind will fight to stay in the 'known' - even if that means living the same stories of pain
and trauma over and over again for a lifetime.

This is your baseline - your mind and body’s comfort zone.

We are going to intentionally disrupt any negative subconscious thoughts.

By practicing shadow work and understanding the mind, we are going to intentionally
disrupt any negative subconscious thoughts through awareness, visualization and
affirmations.

By intentionally changing your thought patterns you can create new neural connections in
the brain and rewire your mind toward a more positive and empowering mindset.

This is called neuroplasticity.

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Rewiring Your Nervous System

When you find yourself stuck in a mental loop, replaying the same stories and scenarios
over and over again, there's more happening beneath the surface than just a "busy mind."

These repetitive thought patterns can actually have a physiological impact on you.

When your thought patterns are largely negative, fear-based, or anchored in past traumas
it can lead to a disregulated nervous system.

What does that mean?

Well, it throws your stress response mechanisms out of whack, making it more challenging
to cope with day-to-day pressures.

Remember, your body can’t differentiate between a vivid thought or memory and an actual
experience; both trigger the same physiological responses.

These incessant loops contribute to your body's production of stress hormones like cortisol
and adrenaline, setting off a domino effect that can influence everything from your mood to
your immune system.

This cycle of biochemical responses can perpetuate your state of being, keeping you locked
in a reactive mode rather than a proactive one.

The subconscious mind clings to the stories you tell yourself, the memories you sit with and
continues to send the same thoughts to you over and over again.

So, breaking free from these repetitive thought loops isn't just about achieving mental
clarity; it's about recalibrating an entire system — your mind-body network — to function
in a way that supports your holistic well-being.

It’s cool though, we’re going to work on this together.

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Awareness & Listening to Your Thoughts

Now that you have an awareness of your subconscious loop, it’s time to disrupt it.

Your internal dialogue is geared towards making sure you're loved and valued, but it has a
way of creating emotional turbulence.

This often manifests as heightened sensitivity to your partner's moods, words, and actions—
always scanning for signs of approval or disapproval.

Your subconscious feeds you lines that you need constant reassurance to feel secure, which
just fuels your cycle of emotional neediness.

Remember, the body doesn’t know the difference between a thought and a real experience.

Every time you think about that fight from a few weeks ago, or a bad childhood memory, or
that ex that cheated on you, your brain thinks it’s happening right now.

Can you see how that’s a problem? Your internal alarms are always activated and we need to
start working on that.

Here’s the truth: it’s you vs you here.

You’re challenging your default programming by interrupting it and sending it new

messaging.

You’re taking control by understanding that you are not your thoughts - crazy, right?

The more you pay attention to what’s going on in your brain, the more you can actively
choose your thoughts.

When your brain starts to hear positive thoughts as opposed to negative or fearful thoughts, it
starts to believe them.

It’s like giving yourself a software update, that loop that you’ve been stuck in for months,
years or even decades starts to shift and change. Make sense?

It takes 30 days to create new neural pathways.

Are you ready to start rewiring the mind together?

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Techniques for Listening to Your Thoughts

Let’s take back control of your mind, shall we? Make a commitment out loud to yourself
right now, say: “I am going to start listening to my thoughts” - this is setting a reminder for
your brain.

Now let’s start practicing.

Technique 1: Catching & Challenging

The first technique is catching and challenging your thoughts. What’s something that
consistently pops up in your mind that is causing you stress or anxiety at the moment?
Write it down.

We’re going to use this situation as a test.

For the next few weeks, every time you think about this situation, try to catch the thought.

It sounds a little weird, but now that you have an awareness of your loop you’re going to
see that your brain runs off on tangents all the time without you even consciously realizing
it.

Once you catch the thought “observe it”.

Challenge it.
Was it valid? Do you agree?
Why are you thinking it?
Where did the thought come from?
Has this thought been on loop for more than one day?
What can you do about the thought?

Interrupt the thought - literally - tell yourself to stop - shift your focus to something else and
continue to do this as often as possible when you catch the thought.

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Technique 2: Breathwork

If you ever find yourself in a mental spiral or feeling particularly stressed, you can use
breathwork to redirect your thoughts.

Why breathwork?

When you take slow, deep breaths, you're sending signals to your brain to chill out.

Deep breathing activates the vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body, that connects the
brainstem to all of your major organs and is responsible for regulating emotion.

Stimulating this nerve kicks your parasympathetic nervous system into gear—that's the "rest
and digest" part of your autonomic nervous system.

This counters the stress-induced "fight or flight" mode, dialing down the production of
stress hormones like cortisol.

What you get is a calmer mind, lower heart rate, and a sense of equilibrium, making it
easier to tackle any thoughts or challenges that come your way.

So, the next time you breathe deeply, know that you're doing some instant neuroscience to
get your system back on track.

Tips for Breathwork

Try to focus your mind on the air entering your nose and exiting your mouth.
When you catch yourself thinking again, redirect your mind to the breath.
Make your first breath slow and deep.

Here’s one simple technique that helps you regulate your nervous system:

1 deep inhale through the nose, fill your belly, followed by;
1 short inhale through the nose, up to your chest, then;
Hold at the top of your head for 8-10 seconds, followed by;
1 long exhale for 6-8 seconds through the mouth,
Repeat 3-10 times.

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Technique 3: You vs Your Phone

When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing that you do?

Grab your phone? Thought so.

When you wake up, your brain is transitioning from a theta state—a deeply relaxed,
borderline meditative state—to a more alert alpha or beta state.

This is a crucial time for setting intentions and framing your mindset for the day.

Reaching for your phone disrupts this process.

It immediately puts you in a reactive mode, absorbing external stimuli like emails, social
media, and news.

This can cause a spike in stress hormones and conditions your brain to be more reactive
and less intentional throughout the day.

In essence, you're forfeiting your first moments of the day to external circumstances, instead
of consciously steering them to align with your own well-being and goals.

We know that this one is going to be hard but you’re here to make changes, right? And
you’re probably going to fail some days, but that’s okay, try again the next day.

Here’s what to do on days that you do remember:

Realize that you’re waking up - oh hey.

Consciously stop yourself from touching your phone.
Stay in your bed and lay on your back
Take 10-20 deep breaths, inhaling through the mouth and exhaling through the mouth
Take a moment to lay in a calm state after your breaths
Tell yourself that you’re going to own the day in whatever words feel authentic to you.

Then when you’re done - grab your phone - we know you want to.

This is a really interesting you vs you moment. Your mind and body will fight you on this.

The question is - who will win?

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Technique 4: Mirror Talk

This one’s pretty simple but something you’ve probably never done.

Mirror talk.

Every time you catch yourself in the mirror look into your eyes and say a positive mantra to
yourself; something like “damn I am f***ing sexy” or “I am feeling incredible today” or “I
am crushing it today”.

Use words that resonate with you but make sure they are positive and use an “I am”
statement.

Even on days you don’t believe it, make it a habit.

Make it short - make an impact with it.

Write down your mantra:

Say it out loud when you’re alone and in your head when people are around (we don’t
want them to think you’re crazy).

Try to do this as often as possible - it’ll start to become a habit and you’ll find yourself
automatically saying it at some point.

You might even start to really believe it.

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THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

Exercise 2: Your Web of Beliefs

We've talked a lot about your attachment style and how your subconscious programming is
shaping your life and we'll continue to unpack that more later, aside from that - who are
you as of right now?

What do you believe?

We're now going to do an exercise to map out your web of beliefs.

1. On the next page draw lines radiating out from “My Beliefs”, like a web.
2. At the end of each line, write a belief or assumption you hold about yourself, others, or
the world. For example what do you believe about:
Life - is it fair?
Love - do you believe in it?
People's opinion's about you?
How you look?
Where you are in life?
Failure
Expectations
Your ability to change your life
The purpose of life?
What the future holds?
3. Once you've filled the page, take a step back. Look at your Belief Web. Are there any
beliefs that surprise you? Any patterns? Any beliefs that might be holding you back
from fully accepting yourself?
4. Circle the beliefs you want to work on changing throughout your journey.

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THE POWER OF YOUR

SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

My Beliefs

30
 SECTION 4

THE LAW OF DETACHMENT

Law of Detachment Basics
Hopefully at this point you’ve learnt some really cool stuff about how your brain works.

Now let’s talk about the law of detachment and how it can help.

The law of detachment is the simple understanding that we are not in control of other
people’s actions.

It's the idea that in order to manifest our desires that we have to release ourselves from
the attachment to an outcome.

When you let go in this manner, you no longer feel the compulsion to obsess over every
detail when it comes to love and relationships.

This can be particularly difficult for someone with an anxious attachment style.

Sometimes the desire to control is so strong that it is mentally overwhelming.

By letting go of our obsessive focus on specific outcomes, by releasing the need to

control every detail, we free ourselves from the constraints of "lack" thinking.

Let's get into the fundamental principles of the law of detachment.

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THE LAW OF DETACHMENT

Presence
Presence is a fundamental aspect of the law of detachment - sounds simple, but being
present can actually be really difficult.

It involves living in the present moment and not being stuck in your head with all that
chatter all the time.

When you direct your attention to what's happening at this very moment, you create
mental space.

This mental freedom lets you evaluate your thoughts, your choices, and yes, even your
relationships, from a fresher perspective.

So, how do you do this?

You’re already starting to practice catching your negative thoughts, but this is a little
different.

Begin by catching yourself when you start drifting away in any thought.

Acknowledge it without judgment and guide your focus back to the now - on whatever
you’re doing.

This isn’t a one-time fix; it's a practice.

You don’t need to do this all the time but having this awareness can really help to clear
your mind and stop overthinking.

A fun little trick to try and quiet the mind is to ask yourself “I wonder what thought I’ll think
of next”.

Do this the next time you find yourself distracted - you might get a surprise at what your
brain does.

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 SECTION 4

THE LAW OF DETACHMENT

Acceptance

There's a reason why the saying goes “expectation is the thief of joy”.

Simply don’t have any.

When you have a rigid idea in your head about how someone should behave, you’re
setting yourself up for failure.

Obsessing over someone else’s behaviour doesn’t change them - it just stresses you out.

When you focus inwardly and detach from expectations you gain more clarity on what you
deserve and whether the person you’re interested in can provide that.

Sometimes, they are capable and other times it’s time to move on (we know this seems
impossible and is really difficult to accept - but you can do it).

You simply can’t force someone to be who you want them to be - it has to ultimately be
their decision.

Detaching from this expectation will allow you the space to understand your emotions and
what’s right for you.

Spend your time and energy on becoming a better you.

Do things that make you feel happy and confident - prioritize your personal growth and
healing.

When your whole world revolves around the love of another person you are constantly
signalling lack, worry, disappointment to the mind - which encourages anxious and
negative thoughts.

When you focus on things that make you feel happy you are attracting more happiness.

Put yourself out there, do something fun and creative that keeps you present, try new things
and distract the mind from compulsive thoughts.

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THE LAW OF DETACHMENT

Letting Go

Letting go is a crucial aspect of the law of detachment. It involves releasing attachment to

what no longer serves your growth and happiness.

It's not about being indifferent or uncaring but rather making room for new experiences
and opportunities that align more authentically with your current self.

Letting go is an act of trust that allows you to move forward with freedom and openness.

Release attachment to past hurts, resentments, and disappointments.

Let go of relationships that are no longer healthy or fulfilling.
Detach from the need for external validation and approval.
Surrender control over the outcomes and trust in the natural flow of life.
Make space for new experiences, growth, and opportunities.

These fundamentals of the law of detachment empower you to live authentically, embrace
uncertainty, and allow the natural unfolding of your journey.

Don’t worry if this all seems too difficult, we’ll help you work through these emotions in the
shadow work prompt section.

Tips for Letting Go

1. Allow others to be who they are

2. Allow yourself to be who you are
3. Don't force situations
4. Solutions will emerge when you least expect them
5. Uncertainty is a reality
6. Obsessing over something doesn't change it
7. Obsessing over someone doesn’t change them
8. Embrace it
9. Let go

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THE LAW OF DETACHMENT

The Spotlight Effect

Cool, now that you’re familiar with the law of detachment let’s take this a step further and
talk about the Spotlight Effect.

It might be that your anxious attachment extends to all of your relationships or that you feel
generalized anxiety about most of your interactions.

Ever walked into a room and felt like all eyes are on you—and not in a good way?

Ever obsessed over a tiny mistake you made or get that weird body jolt when you think
about something cringey that you said?

You're not alone, but you're also probably overestimating how much attention people are
actually paying to you.

This psychological phenomenon is called the "Spotlight Effect."

The Spotlight Effect is this sense that everyone is thinking about and judging you.

You are the centre of your world - true.

But here's the eye-opening truth: most people are too wrapped up in their own worlds to be
thinking about you.

Understanding the Spotlight Effect can be liberating.

Imagine the amount of emotional energy you could save by not fussing over what people
think.

It's not about becoming careless or insensitive; it's about freeing yourself from the bondage
of external judgments.

By recognizing that you're not the star of everyone else's show, you unshackle yourself
from unnecessary stress and social anxiety.

Do whatever you want, be whoever you want.

Everyone is so caught up in their own lives that not giving a f*ck really is the key.

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 SECTION 5

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL
Now that you understand anxious attachment a little better, you’ve become aware of your
thoughts and you understand the law of detachment, it’s time to get into shadow work.

What is the Shadow Self?

We all have a “shadow self”; this is the part of the subconscious mind where we store all
of our deepest shame, regret, denial and desires.

It’s the part of us that we hide from the world. In the context of anxious attachment style,
the shadow may include fears of abandonment, disloyalty and disapproval.

The more we repress these parts of ourselves the darker our shadow self becomes.

These emotional blockages lead to self sabotaging behaviour, anxiety and negativity.

Shadow work helps to access these parts of yourself to experience a release of these
repressed feelings.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is a simple but powerful practice where you answer questions relating to
your childhood and adult life to determine your patterns of behaviour.

It was first derived by renowned psychoanalyst Carl Jung who believed that our shadow
self is predominantly developed during childhood.

Prompts about childhood are integral to the practice to understand where your behaviour
manifests from.

These prompts will help to access parts of the subconscious brain that store your deepest
memories, beliefs and assumptions about the world.

These are the traits that are deeply programmed in the mind that you barely even recognize
in yourself. As you answer the prompts you will unearth answers that you might not have
even been aware of.

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YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL
The Role of Trauma
Now that you're aware of what shadow work is, you've probably realized that you’ll be
confronting some past trauma with your shadow work prompts.

It's important here to understand the context of the word "trauma" as we're using it.

Big “T” Trauma

"Big T" traumas include events that are generally recognized as traumatic by society.
They're usually significant, shocking, or catastrophic occurrences such as emotional or
sexual abuse, violence, or other life-threatening situations.

Small “t” Trauma

"Small t" traumas might not be life-threatening or as immediately shocking, but they still
carry a significant emotional weight.

They include things like when a child is emotionally neglected, dismissed, confused about
their identity, overly disciplined, limited in expression, controlled, smothered, had too
many expectations placed on them or were passively bullied by their parent/s.

Maybe your parent/s were just too busy trying to support the family, maybe they were
trying their best but also struggling with their own issues.

The terms "big T" and "small t" do not imply that one type of trauma is more important
or impactful than the other.

The impact of trauma is subjective and varies greatly from person to person. Both types
can lead to lasting emotional pain that affect you into adulthood.

Understanding these root causes is crucial for healing.

It allows you to recognize that your coping mechanisms served a purpose at one point,
even if they're no longer serving you now.

It's not about assigning blame, but about understanding and compassion.

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 SECTION 5

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL

Now that we've delved into the concept of shadow work, it's time to put theory into
practice.

This section is designed to help you explore your 'shadow' through a series of prompts.

Each set of prompts focuses on a different aspect of your relationship and personal history.

1. Childhood Reflection
2. Identifying Anxious Triggers
3. Confronting Insecurities
4. Dating, Sex & Relationships
5. Focusing on Personal Growth
6. Envisioning the Future

Remember, shadow work is a personal and often emotional process.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable at times.

That discomfort is a sign that you're pushing your boundaries and growing.

40
 SECTION 5

YOUR SHADOW WORK

JOURNAL
Shadow work journaling can be quite an emotional experience so we recommend
practicing in a safe and calm environment.

Tips For Shadow Work Journalling

1. Create a safe space: Find a quiet and comfortable space where you can focus on your
thoughts and emotions without distractions.Set up your space so that you feel calm and
safe.
2. Write Freely: This journal is a judgement-free zone. Let your thoughts flow freely on the
pages. Don't worry about sounding 'correct' or 'proper'. Just write what feels right for
you, in your own voice.
3. Choose prompts that resonate with you: If they make you feel uncomfortable then
they're usually the ones you should answer.
4. Focus on the Details: Go into as much detail as you can when writing your answers
5. Don’t hold back: This journal is just for you, there should be no shame or fear when
practicing. You don't have to share it with anyone unless you want to. It's a safe
container for your thoughts, emotions, dreams, fears, and hopes.
6. No Wrong Answers: In this journal, every answer is the right one because it's yours.
Your experiences, your feelings, your perspectives – they all matter. Each prompt is an
invitation for self-exploration, not a test.
7. Allow emotions to surface: If you feel any intense emotions bubbling let them out!
8. Embrace Creativity: Feel free to use different forms of creative expression. If words
don't feel sufficient, you can draw, sketch, doodle, use colors, write poems, or even
create a collage. This journal is your canvas.
9. Consistency and Flexibility: You can practice over days, weeks or months. Aim for
consistency, but don't stress if life gets hectic and you miss a day or two. The important
thing is to come back when you can. Similarly, if you want to spend more time on a
particular exercise, alter the question or skip one that doesn't resonate, that's perfectly
fine. This journey is about you and should be adapted to your rhythm.
10. Be kind to yourself: if it feels overwhelming take a break.

41
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
Shadow Work & Your Inner Child
Your shadow work journey starts with some deep childhood reflection. This is going to help
you understand where your anxious patterns of behavior started.

Your inner child is that part of your psyche that still reacts and feels like the child you once
were.

It carries your experiences, memories, and emotions from your early years.

As we grow older, many of us suppress this part of ourselves to fit into societal norms and
expectations, leading to an unaddressed emotional turmoil that can have a significant
impact on our lives.

Shadow work is the process of acknowledging, understanding, and healing this hidden
part of yourself.

It involves addressing the unmet needs, unrecognized desires, and unresolved emotions of
your inner child.

By engaging in this profound self-reflection process, you can identify the origins of your
fears, insecurities, and patterns of behavior that may be holding you back.

Shadow work can help us understand these experiences, see how they shaped our
attachment styles, and allow us to heal and move towards a healthier way of relating to
others.

We'll help you bring light to your shadow, giving it the attention, love, and understanding
it needs to heal.

Through this healing, you can start reshaping your fears, releasing your attachment to
certain outcomes, and begin embracing self love.

Ready to get started?

43
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
AS A CHILD WHO WAS YOUR
CLOSEST EXAMPLE OF LOVE?

WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THIS RELATIONSHIP GROWING UP? WRITE AS IF

YOU WERE ANSWERING AS YOUR CHILD SELF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AS AN ADULT?

44
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW DID YOUR PARENT/S REACT WHEN YOU EXPRESSED YOUR NEEDS
AS A CHILD? GIVE A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF A TIME THEY REACTED TO
YOU EXPRESSING YOUR NEEDS.

CAN YOU REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE YOU FEEL? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

45
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU FELT CLINGY TO AS A CHILD
AND WHY DID YOU CLING TO THEM?

HOW DID THIS PERSON TREAT YOU?

DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT TRIGGERED YOUR CLINGINESS?

46
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW DID YOUR FAMILY COMMUNICATE AND EXPRESS LOVE AS
A CHILD? WAS YOUR HOUSE WARM/COLD?

DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WERE GIVEN ENOUGH ATTENTION?

WAS IT TOO MUCH? HOW DO YOU FEEL THAT IMPACTED YOU?

47
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT BELIEFS ABOUT LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS DID YOU
FORM IN YOUR CHILDHOOD FROM YOUR PARENT/S?

DO YOU SHARE THESE BELIEFS ABOUT LOVE AS AN ADULT? WHY/WHY NOT?

48
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WERE THERE EVER TIMES WHEN YOU FELT LIKE YOU HAD TO HIDE OR
CHANGE PARTS OF YOURSELF FROM YOUR FAMILY? WHAT WERE THEY?

ARE YOU STILL HIDING PARTS OF YOURSELF? IF SO, WHY?

49
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BOND WITH YOUR MOTHER/MOTHER
FIGURE, WHAT STANDS OUT? HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HER AS A
CHILD?

CAN YOU SEE ANY OF THEIR TRAITS IN YOU NOW? ARE THEY GOOD,
BAD OR BOTH?

50
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BOND WITH YOUR FATHER/FATHER
FIGURE, WHAT STANDS OUT? HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM AS A
CHILD?

CAN YOU SEE ANY OF THEIR TRAITS IN YOU NOW?

ARE THEY GOOD, BAD OR BOTH?

51
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW DID YOUR FAMILY HANDLE FEELINGS OF ANXIETY OR STRESS? WAS IT
TALKED ABOUT OPENLY OR BRUSHED UNDER THE RUG?

WRITE ABOUT SOME SPECIFIC EXAMPLES OF FEELINGS OF ANXIETY AND

STRESS IN THE HOUSE AND HOW IT IMPACTED YOU AS A CHILD.

52
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WAS THERE A TIME DURING YOUR CHILDHOOD THAT YOU FELT
REJECTED BY SOMEONE WHO LOVED YOU? WHAT DID THEY DO?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOU?

53
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOUR PARENT/S OPENLY DISCUSS STRESSES OR COMPLAIN
(RELATIONSHIP, FINANCIAL, FAMILY)? WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER THEM
TALKING ABOUT IN FRONT OF YOU?

DID THIS WAY OF THINKING RUB OFF ON YOU? EXPLAIN WHY/ WHY
NOT.

54
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU MISS ABOUT BEING A CHILD?
EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

WHY DO YOU MISS THAT?

55
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID ANY OF YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS SEEM TO UNDERSTAND OR
SHARE YOUR FEELINGS OF ANXIETY? IF YES, EXPLAIN HOW THEY SHARED
IT, IF NOT EXPLAIN WHAT IT WAS LIKE EXPERIENCING THIS ALONE.

HOW DID YOU HELP EACH OTHER? HOW WERE YOU BAD FOR EACH OTHER?
OR WHAT COPING MECHANISMS DID YOU CREATE ON YOUR OWN?

56
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU HAVE A SAFE PLACE YOU WOULD RETREAT TO WHEN YOU WERE
ANXIOUS AS A KID? DESCRIBE THAT PLACE.

WHAT FEELINGS WERE BROUGHT UP WHILE THINKING ABOUT THIS SPACE?

57
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT ROLE DID YOU TEND TO TAKE ON WITHIN YOUR FAMILY AS A
CHILD? WHO WERE YOU TO YOUR PARENT/S AND/OR SIBLING/S?

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF SLIPPING INTO THIS SAME ROLE IN

RELATIONSHIPS? WHAT’S AN EXAMPLE?

58
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD INNER MONOLOGUE & YOUR CURRENT
INNER MONOLOGUE. ASSIGN WHAT KIND OF THOUGHTS YOU HAD AS A
CHILD VS NOW. FOR EXAMPLE; HAPPY, ANGRY, SCARED, HOPEFUL

CHILDHOOD THOUGHTS ADULT THOUGHTS

ARE THE LISTS DIFFERENT? IF SO WHY, IF NOT WHY NOT?

59
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WERE YOU EVER BELITTLED OR TALKED DOWN TO AS A CHILD? WERE YOU
TOLD NOT TO EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS? WRITE DOWN WHAT WAS SAID
TO YOU.

DOES THIS STILL AFFECT YOU?

60
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
REFLECT ON WHAT WAS YOUR MOST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE AS A CHILD.
WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF?

DID IT CHANGE YOU? HOW?

61
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT WAS YOUR HAPPIEST MOMENT AS A CHILD - WHERE
WERE YOU, WHO WERE YOU WITH? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

HOW DID YOU FEEL LOVED IN THIS MOMENT, IF AT ALL?

62
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST SECRET YOU KEPT AS A CHILD?

HOW DID KEEPING THAT SECRET SHAPE YOU?

63
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW DID YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF COPE WITH FEELINGS OF
ANXIETY? DID YOU HAVE ANY STRATEGIES OR COMFORTING
HABITS?

DO YOU STILL DO ANY OF THESE AS AN ADULT?

64
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU FEEL VALIDATED AS A CHILD? WERE YOUR CAREGIVERS
OVERBEARING, ABSENT OR ENCOURAGING? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

WHAT'S AN EXAMPLE OF A TIME THEY SHOWED YOU VALIDATION?

65
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT CHILDHOOD FEARS OR PHOBIAS CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR ANXIETY?

DO THEY STILL AFFECT YOU NOW?

66
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
AS A CHILD, DID YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR ANXIETY WAS 'NORMAL',
OR DID YOU FEEL DIFFERENT FROM OTHER KIDS?

HOW HAS YOUR ANXIETY CHANGED SINCE THEN?

67
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DRAW SOMETHING THAT YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF USED TO DRAW. EVEN IF
YOU’RE TERRIBLE AT IT, GET CREATIVE AND HAVE A LITTLE FUN.

68
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
CREATE A PLAYLIST THAT REPRESENTS SONGS YOU LOVED AS A KID.
LISTEN TO IT AND WRITE ABOUT HOW THE PLAYLIST MAKES YOU FEEL
AND WHAT THE SONGS REMIND YOU OF.

69
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW DID YOUR FAMILY DEAL WITH STRESS OR CRISES?

DO YOU SEE ANY SIMILAR PATTERNS WHEN MET WITH CHALLENGING TIMES
IN RELATIONSHIPS.

70
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
IMAGINE YOU COULD TRAVEL BACK IN TIME TO YOUR CHILDHOOD
FOR ONE DAY. WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD DO, WHO YOU
WOULD SEE, AND WHAT YOU WOULD SAY TO THEM.

71
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
HOW WERE MISTAKES OR FAILURES ADDRESSED IN YOUR
FAMILY? GIVE AN EXAMPLE.

HAS THIS AFFECTED THE WAY YOU VIEW HARDSHIPS OR

SETBACKS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP?

72
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
IF YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF COULD EXPLAIN HOW THEY FELT ABOUT YOUR
SIBLING/S, WHAT WOULD THEY SAY? WRITE IT IN THEIR TONE OF VOICE.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEM NOW?

ARE YOU CLOSE? DO YOU WISH YOU WERE CLOSER?

73
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT WAS ONE STRONG BELIEF THAT YOU HAD AS A CHILD THAT YOU
WERE WRONG ABOUT.

WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND?

HAVE YOU FULLY RELEASED THIS BELIEF OR DO YOU THINK IT STILL

LINGERS? WHY?

74
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DO YOU SHARE THE SAME VALUES AS YOUR PARENT/S AS AN
ADULT OR HAVE YOU GONE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION? WHY?

75
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU HAVE AN ANXIOUS PARENT? IF SO, HOW DO YOU
THINK THEIR ANXIETY AFFECTED YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DID THEIR REACTIONS AFFECT YOU?

CAN YOU RECONIZE ANY OF THEIR PATTERNS IN YOU? IF SO, WHAT?

76
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU HAVE A PARENT WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES? IF SO,
HOW DO YOU THINK IT AFFECTED YOU AS A CHILD?

HOW DID THEIR REACTIONS AFFECT YOU?

CAN YOU RECONIZE ANY OF THEIR PATTERNS IN YOU? IF SO, WHAT?

77
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHO WAS YOUR FIRST EVER CRUSH? WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU?

DO YOU THINK THIS HAD AN IMPACT ON THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT

RELATIONSHIPS?

78
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT WERE THE SPOKEN OR UNSPOKEN RULES ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN
YOUR FAMILY AS A CHILD?

REFLECT ON HOW THESE MIGHT HAVE WEAVED INTO YOUR OWN

RELATIONSHIP VALUES.

79
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU RELY HEAVILY ON ONE PARENT OR FEEL CODDLED BY THEM? OR
DID YOU CRAVE A PARENT/S ATTENTION WHO DIDN’T GIVE IT TO YOU?
EXPLAIN.

HOW DID THIS RELATIONSHIP IMPACT THE WAY YOU LOOK AT

CLOSENESS IN RELATIONSHIPS?

80
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT WERE YOUR PARENT/S ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP/S LIKE?
HOW DID THEY TREAT THEMSELVES AND OTHERS?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOU?

81
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DID YOU HAVE A PARENT OR SIBLING THAT WAS OVERLY RELIANT
ON YOU AS A CHILD? WHO WAS IT? WHAT DID YOU DO FOR
THEM?

HOW DID THIS SHAPE THE WAY YOU VIEWED YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
AND FRIENDSHIPS?

82
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT ROLE DID YOU PLAY IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP GROUPS?
EXPLAIN YOUR PERSONALITY AT SCHOOL.

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOUR ANXIETY?

83
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
DRAW A MAP OF YOUR CHILDHOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD. LABEL THE PLACES
THAT WERE IMPORTANT TO YOU AND WRITE A DESCRIPTION OF WHAT THEY
MEANT TO YOU ON THE NEXT PAGE.

84
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WHAT DID THESE PLACES MEAN TO YOU?

85
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
WERE YOU EVER TEASED OR BULLIED ABOUT YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
OR PERSONALITY? IF SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOU AS A CHILD?

DO YOU THINK THIS STILL AFFECTS YOU? WHY?

86
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
IF YOU COULD SAY ANYTHING TO SOMEONE FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD,
WHAT WOULD IT BE? WRITE IT DOWN AND DONT HOLD BACK.

87
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
PICTURE IN YOUR MIND MEETING YOUR 8 YEAR OLD SELF. WHERE WOULD
YOU MEET THEM? WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THEM? WHAT ADVICE WOULD
YOU GIVE?

88
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CHILDHOOD REFLECTION
IF YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF COULD SEE YOU NOW, WHAT WOULD THEY
THINK? WOULD THEY BE SURPRISED AT WHO YOU HAVE BECOME?

WHAT WOULD YOUR CHILDHOOD SELF WANT FOR YOU? WRITE IN

THEIR TONE OF VOICE.

89
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
THINK ABOUT A RECENT SITUATION WHERE YOUR ANXIETY WAS
TRIGGERED. WHAT HAPPENED EXACTLY?

CAN YOU PINPOINT WHAT SET IT OFF?

91
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
RECALL A MOMENT WHEN YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE 'TOO MUCH' FOR
SOMEONE. WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THAT IMPACT YOUR SELF-ESTEEM? HOW CAN YOU REMIND
YOURSELF OF YOUR WORTH IN SUCH MOMENTS?

92
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
THINK ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EXPRESS YOUR
NEEDS FOR FEAR OF REJECTION.

WHAT HELD YOU BACK?

WAS THIS VALID?

93
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
DESCRIBE A MOMENT WHEN YOUR ANXIETY WAS TRIGGERED BY A
SEEMINGLY SMALL OR INSIGNIFICANT EVENT. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU HAD SUCH A STRONG REACTION?

94
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HOW DOES YOUR BODY REACT TO THE "FIGHT OR FLIGHT" MODE WHEN
YOU FEEL ANXIOUS? WHAT PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL SYMPTOMS DO
YOU FEEL?

HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING CATCHING YOUR THOUGHTS? IF SO, WHAT

ARE SOME RECURRING THOUGHTS YOU’VE BEEN NOTICING?

HOW CAN YOU WORK ON REDIRECTING? WRITE DOWN SOME STRATEGIES

FOR CATCHING AND REDIRECTING YOUR THOUGHTS.

95
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HOW HAS YOUR REACTION TO ANXIETY TRIGGERS CHANGED SINCE YOU
BECAME AN ADULT?

WHAT COPING STRATEGIES DO YOU USE NOW? ARE THEY HEALTHY OR

UNHELPFUL?

WHICH UNHEALTHY HABITS CAN YOU CONSCIOUSLY DROP?

96
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
WHEN HAS YOUR NEED FOR CONSTANT CONNECTION OR REASSURANCE
LED TO CONFLICT OR TENSION? EXPLAIN A SPECIFIC STORY.

WHAT WOULD YOU DIFFERENTLY NOW?

97
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
THINK ABOUT YOUR LAST BIG ARGUMENT OR DISAGREEMENT. WHAT
HAPPENED?

WAS YOUR ANXIETY TRIGGERED? HOW DO YOU LOOK AT THE SITUATION

NOW?

98
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HAS THERE BEEN A SITUATION RECENTLY WHERE YOU SUCCESSFULLY
MANAGED A KNOWN TRIGGER OF YOUR ANXIETY? WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU DO IT? DID YOU FEEL PROUD OF YOURSELF?

99
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HOW DO YOU REACT WHEN SOMEONE LEAVES YOU ON READ OR
DOESN'T RESPOND QUICKLY TO A TEXT MESSAGE? CAN YOU WRITE
DOWN EXACTLY WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR MIND?

100
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
REMEMBER A TIME WHEN YOU WERE INCREDIBLY SENSITIVE TO SOMEONE'S
PERCEIVED REJECTION. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU THINK IT AFFECTED YOU SO MUCH?

101
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
ARE THERE CERTAIN PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW WHO TEND TO
TRIGGER YOUR ANXIETY MORE FREQUENTLY? WHO ARE THEY?

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY TRIGGER YOU? HOW CAN YOU TAKE STEPS TO
CHANGE THAT?

102
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
DO CERTAIN ENVIRONMENTS OR PLACES TRIGGER YOUR ANXIETY
MORE THAN OTHERS? CAN YOU DESCRIBE ONE AND HOW IT
MAKES YOU FEEL?

103
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
REFLECT ON AN INCIDENT WHERE YOUR ANXIETY WAS TRIGGERED
BY A CHANGE IN YOUR ROUTINE OR PLANS. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS TRIGGERS YOU?

104
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
DESCRIBE A TIME WHEN YOUR ANXIETY WAS TRIGGERED BY
SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENING. HOW DID YOU REACT?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU REACTED THIS WAY?

105
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
DO CERTAIN CONVERSATIONS OR TOPICS TRIGGER YOUR ANXIETY?
WHAT ARE THEY?

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE THIS EFFECT?

106
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
DESCRIBE A TIME WHERE YOUR ANXIETY WAS TRIGGERED IN A PUBLIC OR
SOCIAL SETTING. HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT MOMENT NOW?

107
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
IF A STRANGER WAS LOOKING AT YOU, WHAT WOULD THEY SEE?
HOW WOULD THEY PERCEIVE YOU BASED ON LOOKS ALONE? EXPLAIN
IN DETAIL.

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS? IS IT VALID?

108
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HOW DOES SOCIAL MEDIA IMPACT YOUR ANXIETY LEVELS? HAS IT EVER
TRIGGERED YOUR ANXIETY?

CAN YOU UNFOLLOW OR MUTE ACCOUNTS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL CRAPPY?
HOW WOULD THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

109
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
THINK ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOUR ANXIETY LED YOU TO PERCEIVE
A SITUATION AS WORSE THAN IT WAS. WHAT HAPPENED AND
HOW DID IT PLAY OUT?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

110
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
THINK ABOUT A TRIGGER THAT USED TO CAUSE YOU SIGNIFICANT
ANXIETY BUT DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME IMPACT ANYMORE. WHAT IS IT?

WHAT HAS CHANGED?

111
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, HOW COMFORTABLE DO YOU FEEL WHEN
YOU'RE ALONE? HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU'RE IN A GROUP?

ALONE

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

IN A GROUP

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE? IF SO, WHY?

112
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
ARE THERE ANY ASPECTS OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE THAT HELP YOU
MANAGE YOUR ANXIETY? WHAT ARE THEY?

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY HAVE THIS AFFECT ON YOU?

113
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
CAN YOU THINK OF A SITUATION WHERE YOU FELT TRIGGERED
BUT HAD TO HIDE YOUR ANXIETY? WHAT TRIGGERED YOU?

HOW DOES MASKING YOUR ANXIETY FEEL?

114
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
HOW DO YOU USUALLY REACT WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE PULLING
AWAY FROM YOU? EXPLAIN A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE.

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU PANIC?

IS THIS VALID?

115
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DEALING WITH ANXIOUS

TRIGGERS
WRITE ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOUR FEAR OF ABANDONMENT LED YOU
TO ACT IN A WAY YOU NOW REGRET. TELL THE WHOLE STORY.

116
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT IS THE BIGGEST LIE YOU TELL ABOUT YOURSELF TO YOUR CLOSEST
FRIENDS?

WHAT TRUTH ARE YOU TRYING TO AVOID?

118
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A CODEPENDENT FRIENDSHIP? WHY DID YOU
RELY SO HEAVILY ON THE OTHER PERSON?

WHY DON’T YOU LIKE TO BE ALONE?

119
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
CONSIDER A TIME WHEN YOUR ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT LED YOU TO
OVERLOOK YOUR OWN NEEDS. WHAT HAPPENED? TELL THE STORY.

120
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WRITE DOWN A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR
PERSONALITY AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO CHANGE

LOVE

NEEDS A CHANGE

121
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
REMEMBER A TIME WHEN YOU FELT LIKE YOU WERE WALKING ON
EGGSHELLS, FEARING THAT ANY SMALL MISSTEP WOULD LEAD TO
ABANDONMENT. WHO WAS IT WITH AND WHAT TRIGGERED THIS?

WERE YOUR FEELINGS VALID?

122
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WRITE ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU FELT UNCOMFORTABLE OR INSECURE
DURING INTIMACY. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHAT WERE THE TRIGGERING FACTORS AND HOW CAN YOU WORK ON
FEELING MORE SECURE ABOUT IT?

123
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
REFLECT ON AN INSECURITY THAT YOU FEEL HAS DEFINED YOU OR
INFLUENCED YOUR LIFE CHOICES. HOW HAS IT SHAPED YOUR EXPERIENCES?

124
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HOW HAVE YOUR INSECURITIES INFLUENCED
HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SEX AND INTIMACY?

DO YOU HOLD BACK? IF SO, WHY? IF NOT, WHY NOT?

125
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE TO FOSTER A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE AND
A HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP WITH SEX?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEK TO MAKE IT HAPPEN?

126
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT ROLE DOES COMPARISON PLAY IN YOUR INSECURITIES? WHO DO
YOU COMPARE YOURSELF TO THAT MAKES YOU FEEL CRAPPY?

WHY DO YOU DO IT? DO YOU THINK THEIR LIFE IS ACTUALLY PERFECT

OR THAT THEY ALSO STRUGGLE?

127
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
DRAW LINES RADIATING FROM THE CIRCLE LISTING THINGS YOU FEEL
INSECURE ABOUT. WHEN YOU'RE DONE SCRIBBLE ALL OVER IT.

Insecurities

128
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HOW WOULD THE CLOSEST PEOPLE TO YOU DESCRIBE YOU?

ARE THEY RIGHT? WHY DO THEY DESCRIBE YOU THIS WAY? WHY
DO YOU THINK THIS?

129
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
ARE THERE ANY INSECURITIES YOU FEEL COULD BE TRACED BACK TO
SOCIETAL OR CULTURAL EXPECTATIONS OR PRESSURES? WHAT ARE THEY?

130
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
THINK BACK TO A TIME WHEN YOU WERE OVERLY SELF-CRITICAL? WHY
WERE YOU LIKE THIS?

DO YOU STILL BELIEVE THIS CRITICIZM? IF SO, WHY?

131
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT YOU FELT TRULY GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF?
WHAT MADE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? WHAT WAS HAPPENING
DURING THIS TIME?

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP YOU FIND THAT FEELING

AGAIN?

132
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
THINK OF A TIME WHEN YOUR ANXIOUS FEELINGS MADE IT HARD FOR
YOU TO ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT. WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS?

HOW DO YOU WISH YOU HANDLED IT?

133
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
CAN YOU THINK OF A TIME WHEN YOU PROJECTED YOUR INSECURITIES
ONTO SOMEONE ELSE? HOW DID THAT SITUATION PLAY OUT?

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU REACT THIS WAY?

134
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HOW WOULD IT FEEL TO FULLY EMBRACE YOUR SEXUALITY, FREE OF
ANY INSECURITIES OR DOUBTS?

WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?

135
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
IF YOU COULD LET GO OF ONE INSECURITY RIGHT NOW,
WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE TOWARD THIS?

136
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
CAN YOU RECALL A TIME WHEN YOU MASKED YOUR INSECURITIES WITH
HUMOR OR DEFLECTION?

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO HANDLE IT THAT WAY?

137
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HAS ANYONE EVER POINTED OUT AN INSECURITY THAT YOU HADN'T
NOTICED YOURSELF? WHAT WAS IT?

HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? IS IT STILL ON YOUR MIND? WHY?

138
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
THINK ABOUT A TIME WHEN AN INSECURITY HELD YOU BACK FROM DOING
SOMETHING. WHAT WAS IT?

HOW MIGHT THINGS HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT IF THAT INSECURITY

HADN'T BEEN IN THE PICTURE?

139
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
DO CERTAIN ENVIRONMENTS OR SITUATIONS MAKE YOUR INSECURITIES
FEEL MORE PROMINENT? CAN YOU DESCRIBE ONE?

WHY DO YOU THINK IT MAKE YOU FEEL INSECURE? WHAT CAN YOU DO TO
WORK ON THIS?

140
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
REFLECT ON A SPECIFIC ASPECT OF YOUR APPEARANCE OR BODY
THAT YOU'VE STRUGGLED WITH ACCEPTING.

HOW CAN YOU START EMBRACING AND APPRECIATING THIS PART OF

YOURSELF MORE FULLY?

141
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
CAN YOU THINK OF A PERSON WHO SEEMS TO TRIGGER YOUR
INSECURITIES MORE THAN OTHERS? WHO IS IT? WHY DO YOU THINK
THAT IS?

CAN YOU TAKE STEPS TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL AROUND THEM?
CAN YOU PRACTICE THE LAW OF DETACHMENT MORE?

142
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
IF YOU MET A STRANGER TODAY AND HAD A 5 MINUTE CONVERSATION,
WHAT DO YOU IMAGINE THEY THOUGHT OF YOU? HOW WOULD THEY
DESCRIBE YOU?

READ THAT BACK, IS IT VALID?

143
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
THINK OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND - WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE THEM
ABOUT THEIR OWN INSECURITIES?

IS THIS GOOD AVICE FOR YOU TOO? WHY/WHY NOT?

144
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
IF YOU COULD BECOME SOMEONE YOU LOOK UP TO WHO WOULD THAT
BE? WHAT IS ABOUT THEM THAT YOU ADMIRE? WRITE ABOUT THEM IN
DETAIL.

145
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WRITE DOWN A LIST OF THE PHYSICAL FEATURES YOU LOVE ABOUT
YOURSELF AND THE ONE'S THAT YOU DON'T LIKE

LOVE

DON'T LIKE

146
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WRITE DOWN A LIST OF THE PERSONALITY TRAITS YOU LOVE ABOUT
YOURSELF AND THE ONE'S THAT YOU DON'T LIKE

LOVE

DON'T LIKE

147
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HOW CAN YOU WORK ON THE THINGS THAT YOU LISTED THAT YOU ”DON’T
LIKE” ABOUT YOURSELF?

148
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT'S AN INSECURITY THAT YOU'VE BEEN ABLE TO LESSEN
OR OVERCOME OVER TIME? WHAT WAS IT?

WHAT STEPS DID YOU TAKE TO GET OVER IT?

149
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
IN WHAT WAYS DO YOU SHOW LOVE TO YOURSELF,
IF AT ALL?

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS MORE OFTEN?

150
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT'S A NEGATIVE THOUGHT ABOUT YOURSELF THAT REPLAYS IN YOUR
MIND? WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?

CAN YOU PRACTICE CATCHING THAT THOUGHT AND REDIRECTING IT

FROM NOW ON? SET A DAILY REMINDER IN YOUR PHONE TO “CATCH
THOUGHTS”. COME BACK TO THIS PAGE IN A WEEK AND WRITE DOWN
HOW YOU WENT.

151
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
ARE THERE ANY INSECURITIES THAT YOU'RE HOLDING ONTO EVEN
THOUGH YOU KNOW THEY'RE NOT RATIONAL OR VALID? WRITE
ABOUT THEM AND WHY YOU NEED TO LET GO.

152
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
WHAT IS ONE THING ABOUT YOU THAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE? IF
YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S ANYTHING, WHY?

153
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
HOW HAVE YOU GROWN AND CHANGED AS A PERSON IN THE LAST
5 YEARS? CONSIDER BOTH POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE CHANGES.
EXPLAIN HOW YOU’RE DIFFERENT.

154
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

CONFRONTING INSECURITIES
IMAGINE MEETING YOUR 16 YEAR OLD SELF. WHAT WOULD
YOU WANT TO SAY TO THEM? WHAT WOULD YOU WARN
THEM AGAINST? WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE?

155
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHEN’S THE LAST TIME YOU DEVELOPED AN UNHEALTHY OBSESSION
WITH A RELATIONSHIP? WHO WAS IT, WHY WERE YOU SO INTO
THEM?

WHY DO YOU THINK YOU GOT SO ATTACHED?

157
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU FELT REJECTED BY SOMEONE?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT THE WAY YOU ACTED TOWARD OTHERS?

158
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS? ARE THEY
BEING MET CURRENTLY? WHY/ WHY NOT?

DO YOU THINK YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE REASONABLE?

159
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

THINK ABOUT A DISAGREEMENT YOU HAD IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. WHAT
HAPPENED?

HOW MIGHT YOUR INSECURITIES HAVE INFLUENCED YOUR REACTION?

160
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT’S THE WORST THING YOU’VE DONE TO SOMEONE IN A
RELATIONSHIP?

WHAT WOULD YOUR HONEST REACTION HAVE BEEN IF SOMONE DID

THAT TO YOU?

161
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT ARE SOME RECURRING THEMES OR PATTERNS IN YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS? WRITE ABOUT SPECIFIC EXAMPLES.

162
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD ABOUT SOMEONE ON A FIRST DATE?
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ASSESS? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL - WHAT HAPPENS IN
YOUR MIND BEFORE, DURING AND AFTER THE DATE?

163
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

IS THERE ANYONE IN YOUR LIFE CURRENTLY THAT IS CONTRIBUTING TO
YOUR ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE?

WHY DO YOU THINK THEY'RE AFFECTING YOU IN THIS WAY? IS IT VALID?

WILL THEY EVER CHANGE?

164
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR DO YOU EXHIBIT WHEN YOU FEEL
THREATENED OR OVERWHELMED IN A RELATIONSHIP? WRITE A
SPECIFIC STORY.

165
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING YOU LOVED AND EVERYTHING YOU HATED
ABOUT BEING WITH YOUR EX. DON’T BE SHY.

GOOD STUFF

TERRIBLE STUFF

166
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHEN IS THE LAST TIME YOU LET SOMEONE TREAT YOU POORLY WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING? WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DID YOU ALLOW THEM TO TREAT YOU THIS WAY? HOW DID IT
MAKE YOU FEEL?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

167
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DO YOU FEEL SHAMEFUL ABOUT
ANY OF YOUR PAST EXES?

WHAT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP DO YOU FEEL SHAME ABOUT?

HOW CAN YOU LET GO OF THIS?

168
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST HEARTBREAK? WHAT HAPPENED? WRITE
THE STORY OF HOW IT STARTED AND HOW IT ENDED.

169
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HOW DOES SEX MAKE YOU FEEL? DO YOU ENJOY IT? DO YOU FEEL
CONFIDENT? IF SO WHY, IF NOT WHY NOT?

DO YOU EVER FEEL ANY SHAME AFTER SELF PLEASURE OR SEX? IF SO, WHY?

HOW CAN YOU LET GO OF THAT SHAME?

170
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS OR
ANXIETIES AROUND SEX?

WHAT TRIGGERS THIS?

171
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT ARE YOUR DEEPLY ROOTED BELIEFS ABOUT SEX? HOW
DID THESE BELIEFS FORM?

HOW DOES THIS AFFECT YOUR SEX LIFE?

172
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT RELATIONSHIP DID YOU FEEL MOST INSECURE ABOUT?
WHAT WAS YOUR DYNAMIC LIKE TOGETHER?

WHAT MADE YOU FEEL INSECURE?

HOW DO YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED?

173
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WRITE A LETTER TO AN EX THAT HURT YOU - SAY EXACTLY HOW YOU
FEEL WITHOUT HOLDING ANYTHING BACK.

174
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL JEALOUS? WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN,
EVEN IF YOU KNOW IT FEELS WRONG - DON'T HOLD BACK

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES YOU FEEL JEALOUS?

175
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

SCRIBBLE, PAINT, OR EVEN JUST MAKE MARKS ON THE PAGE TO
REPRESENT YOUR PAIN - IT CAN BE CATHARTIC TO GET IT OUT
PHYSICALLY.

176
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT ASPECTS OF SEX AND INTIMACY WOULD YOU LIKE TO
EXPLORE OR EXPERIENCE MORE?

WHAT’S A SECRET DESIRE YOU HAVE? WRITE ABOUT IT IN DETAIL.

177
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE IN A PAST
RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU KNEW WAS WRONG?

HOW DID YOUR PARTNER RESPOND? WHAT WAS THE RESULT?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY NOW?

178
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DESCRIBE THE QUALITIES AND BEHAVIORS YOU SEEK IN A
PARTNER TO HELP YOU FEEL SAFE AND SUPPORTED.

179
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HOW DO YOU PERCEIVE A PARTNER'S SEXUAL DESIRES? DO YOU FEEL
USED? DO YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT SEX? DO THEY SATISFY YOU?

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION ABOUT THIS?

180
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DO YOU USE CASUAL SEX AS A DISTRACTION? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU DID THIS?

HOW DO YOU FEEL IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE SEX?

181
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HOW DOES CASUAL SEX SERVE YOU?
EXPLAIN WHAT IT DOES FOR YOU.

HOW DOES SEX WITH AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION DIFFER?

182
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

REFLECT ON YOUR MOST FULFILLING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE.
WHAT MADE IT SO MEMORABLE AND SATISFYING? EXPLAIN
WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW IT MADE YOU FEEL IN DETAIL.

183
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HAVE YOU EVER FELT ABANDONED BY A SIGNIFICANT PERSON IN YOUR
LIFE? WHAT HAPPENED?

HOW DID THIS AFFECT YOUR ABILITY TO TRUST AND FORM NEW
RELATIONSHIPS?

184
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CHEATED ON IN A RELATIONSHIP? IF SO, WHY
DO YOU THINK THIS HAPPENED? DO YOU BLAME YOURSELF? WHY?

HOW DID IT CHANGE YOU?

185
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

CAN YOU FORIGIVE YOUR EX?
WHY/ WHY NOT?

CAN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR HOLDING ONTO THEM?

186
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

REFLECT ON AN OCCASION WHERE YOUR ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE
LED YOU TO RUSH A RELATIONSHIP OR PUSH FOR MORE INTIMACY TOO
SOON. WHAT HAPPENED?

CAN YOU FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR IT?

187
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

REFLECT ON A TIME YOU FELT ANXIOUS BECAUSE A PARTNER WAS
SPENDING TIME WITH OTHER FRIENDS OR FAMILY. WHAT HAPPENED?

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS TRIGGERED YOU?

188
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

HAS A PAST LOVE INTEREST EVER MADE YOU FEEL INSECURE ABOUT
YOURSELF OR ABOUT THEIR COMMITMENT TO YOU? DID YOU LOSE YOUR
TRUST FOR THEM?

HOW DO YOU THINK THIS IMPACTS YOU STILL?

189
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHO DO YOU LOOK AT AND CONSIDER AS THE STANDARD FOR A
LOVING RELATIONSHIP? WHAT IS IT ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP THAT
YOU ADMIRE? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

190
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
WHO IS IT? WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT THEM?

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AROUND THEM, TO TALK TO THEM?

WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD THEM?

191
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT WAS THE BIGGEST RELATIONSHIP DRAMA THAT YOU HAD? DID YOU
LIKE IT? DID YOU PURSUE THE DRAMA FURTHER? OR DID YOU HATE IT
AND RUN FROM IT? EXPLAIN THE STORY IN DETAIL.

192
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

DESCRIBE MOMENTS OF DEEP LONELINESS. WHAT HAPPENS INSIDE
YOUR HEAD? HOW DO YOU COPE? WRITE OUT WHAT YOU DO.

193
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

REFLECT ON A MOMENT WHEN YOU DOUBTED YOUR PARTNER'S LOVE FOR
YOU, EVEN IN THE ABSENCE OF ANY REAL SIGNS OF TROUBLE. WHAT
WAS DRIVING THESE DOUBTS? EXPLAIN WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN YOUR
MIND.

194
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

RECALL A TIME WHEN YOUR ANXIETY CAUSED YOU TO MISINTERPRET A
PARTNER'S ACTIONS OR INTENTIONS. EXPLAIN HOW IT ALL PLAYED OUT.

HOW WOULD YOU REACT DIFFERENTLY NOW?

195
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

IMAGINE MEETING YOUR 16 YEAR OLD. PICTURE IT VIVIDLY. WHAT
WOULD YOU TELL THEM ABOUT SEX, WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE
THEM? WRITE IT AS IF YOU’RE TALKING TO THEM.

196
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

DATING, SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT DOES A SECURE, LOVING RELATIONSHIP LOOK LIKE TO YOU?
DESCRIBE IT IN PRESENT TENSE AS IF IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.

197
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
REMEMBER RATING YOUR TRIGGERS EARLIER IN THE JOURNAL? GO
BACK TO THAT PAGE AND CONSIDER WHICH OF THE LIST STILL
TRIGGER YOU. IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED TO WORK ON?

199
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
REMEMBER THE WEB OF BELIEFS YOU DREW AT THE START OF
YOUR JOURNEY? DO YOU FEEL DIFFERENTLY? WRITE ABOUT YOUR NEW
BELIEFS.

My Beliefs

200
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
HAVE YOU BEEN PRACTICING REDIRECTING THOSE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS?
IF SO, DO YOU NOTICE ANY CHANGES? WHAT ARE THEY? IF NOT,
NAUGHTY.

WHAT THOUGHTS HAVE YOU CAUGHT THIS WEEK? WHAT’S BEEN ON YOUR
MIND?

201
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
SET A DAILY REMINDER ON YOUR PHONE THAT SAYS “CATCH YOUR
THOUGHTS”. SET AN ALARM FOR ONE WEEK FROM NOW. WRITE
ABOUT WHAT THOUGHTS YOU STOPPED THIS WEEK.

HOW DID NOTICING THESE THOUGHTS CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE?

202
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT YOU
MIGHT HAVE NEGLECTED DUE TO ANXIETY?

WRITE DOWN HOW YOU PLAN TO DO IT.

203
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WRITE ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU FELT MOST CONFIDENT IN
YOURSELF. WHAT FACTORS CONTRIBUTED TO THIS FEELING?

HOW CAN YOU FEEL THIS AGAIN OR MORE OFTEN?

204
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT ARE THREE PERSONAL BOUNDARIES YOU WANT TO ESTABLISH IN
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU WON’T COMPROMISE
ON AGAIN.

205
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED ABOUT YOURSELF?

HOW CAN YOU APPRECIATE THIS QUALITY MORE?

206
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT'S ONE THING YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE NOT AFRAID OF
BEING JUDGED?

HOW CAN YOU WORK TOWARDS ACCOMPLISHING IT DESPITE FEAR OF

JUDGMENT?

207
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WRITE DOWN 3 OF YOUR BIGGEST STRENGTHS. BE HONEST WITH
YOURSELF.

208
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT IS ONE TOXIC BEHAVIOR PATTERN RELATED TO YOUR ANXIOUS
ATTACHMENT THAT YOU'D LIKE TO LET GO OF? WRITE ABOUT IT IN
DETAIL.

209
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
IDENTIFY THREE NEGATIVE SELF-BELIEFS THAT HINDER YOUR
CONFIDENCE.

HOW CAN YOU CHALLENGE AND CHANGE THESE BELIEFS?

210
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT'S A FITNESS ACTIVITY THAT MAKES YOU FEEL STRONG AND
POWERFUL AND WHY?

SCHEDULE A TIME TO DO IT THIS WEEK AND WRITE ABOUT

HOW IT MADE YOU FEEL ON THIS PAGE.

211
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR SELF-
PERCEPTION, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

HOW CAN YOU START WORKING TOWARDS THIS CHANGE?

212
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
DESIGN YOUR ULTIMATE 'GLOW-UP' PLAN. WHAT CHANGES
WOULD YOU IMPLEMENT IN YOUR LIFESTYLE TO FEEL MORE
CONFIDENT AND SEXY?

213
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WRITE A LOVE LETTER TO YOUR BODY, APPRECIATING ALL IT DOES
FOR YOU AND ITS UNIQUE BEAUTY.

214
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
CONSIDER YOUR SOCIAL LIFE. IT MIGHT BE OUT OF YOUR COMFORT
ZONE, BUT HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE OR EXPAND YOUR CONNECTIONS
AND SOCIAL SUPPORT? EVEN IF IT’S JUST BEING AROUND PEOPLE.

CAN YOU REACH OUT TO ANYONE? IF SO, WHO AND WHY? IF

NOT HOW CAN YOU MEET NEW PEOPLE?

215
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
LIST 10 THINGS YOU COULD DO TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL MORE CONFIDENT.
AFTER YOU'VE LISTED THEM, WRITE A PLAN ON HOW YOU'RE GOING TO
ACHIEVE IT ON THE NEXT PAGE

216
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
YOUR PLAN GOES HERE!

217
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU OFTEN UNDERESTIMATE ABOUT YOUR
ABILITIES OR POTENTIAL?

HOW CAN YOU TAKE STEPS TOWARD EXPLORING THIS MORE?

218
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
CHOOSE ONE PHYSICAL FEATURE YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF
AND PLAN AN OUTFIT FOR THIS WEEK THAT SHOWCASES IT.
WHY DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD?

219
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
CONSIDER THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU CAN FIND COMFORT AND
EVEN JOY IN BEING ALONE. WHAT’S SOME STUFF YOU CAN DO?

220
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
SOMETIMES WE LOSE A PART OF OURSELVES IN RELATIONSHIPS.
REFLECT ON WHO YOU WERE BEFORE YOUR LAST
RELATIONSHIP AND WHO YOU WANT TO BE.

WHAT ASPECTS OF YOUR IDENTITY DO YOU WANT TO RECLAIM OR

DEVELOP?

221
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
IN WHAT WAYS DO YOU DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR YOUR HAPPINESS?

IN WHAT WAYS CAN YOU FIND HAPPINESS IN YOURSELF?

222
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WRITE A SCRIPT FOR THAT DIFFICULT CONVERSATION YOU'VE
BEEN AVOIDING. PRACTICE IT OUT LOUD.

223
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
ENVISION A VERSION OF YOURSELF WHO DOESN'T CARE ABOUT
OTHERS' NEGATIVE OPINIONS. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

WHAT STEPS CAN YOU TAKE TO BECOME THIS PERSON?

224
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
REFLECT ON YOUR MONEY GOALS. WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL
SECURE AND SAFE IN YOUR INDEPENDENCE? SET 3 MONEY
RELATED GOALS FOR YOURSELF.

225
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
HONESTLY WRITE DOWN AREAS WHERE YOU COULD
IMPROVE OR CHANGE FOR YOUR OWN WELL-BEING,
NOT JUST FOR A RELATIONSHIP.

226
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
CONSIDER YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS AS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED ABOUT YOURSELF, RELATIONSHIPS, AND
WHAT YOU WANT IN A PARTNER?

227
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
REFLECT ON YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. WHO CAN YOU REALLY RELY ON?
WRITE ABOUT THEM.

HOW CAN YOU STRENGTHEN THESE RELATIONSHIPS?

228
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
DEFINE WHAT 'SEXINESS' MEANS TO YOU. HOW DOES THIS DEFINITION
INFLUENCE YOUR ACTIONS, YOUR STYLE, OR YOUR SELF-IMAGE?

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO FEEL MORE CONFIDENT?

229
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
TREAT YOURSELF! WHAT'S A SELF CARE INDULGENCE YOU'VE BEEN
HOLDING OUT ON?

CAN YOU MAKE PLANS TO DO IT SOON?

230
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

FOCUSING ON PERSONAL
GROWTH
WRITE A LETTER OF FORGIVENESS TO YOURSELF FOR ANYTHING YOU FEEL
SHAME ABOUT IN YOUR PAST. LET IT OUT. LET IT GO.

231
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

The Importance of Visualization

Congrats on making it this far!

You've done a whole lot of work, probably cried a little and figured some things out about
yourself that you didn't even realize.

Now we start getting to the fun stuff.

Who do you want to become? What does your glow up era look like?

And why does visualization matter?

We've already learnt some cool stuff about the subconscious mind and now we'll take it a
step further.

A significant part of the subconscious mind's power lies in the Reticular Activating System
(RAS).

Your RAS is a network of neurons located in the brainstem that plays a critical role in
controlling wakefulness and focus.

You don't realize it but your brain is taking in a ton of information everyday.

Your brain can't possibly store all of this information.

So, your RAS acts as a filter, deciding what information should be given attention and
what to overlook.

When you visualize a desired future, your RAS becomes attuned to opportunities,
information, and experiences aligned with that future.

Just like that weird feeling when you learn a new word and then all of a sudden you start
hearing it everywhere, your RAS will tune into what you have laid out for your future plans
and show you messaging to encourage action.

233
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

The Importance of Visualization

Before you start envisioning your future in the next set of prompts, we want to give you
some pointers for visualization.

Remember that:

1. Thoughts are the language of the brain:

Our brains respond to our thoughts and beliefs, whether they're about our current
reality or an imagined future. Your thoughts and beliefs become your reality.

2. Feelings are the language of the body:

Our body responds to our feelings, which are often the product of our thoughts. If
we can feel the emotions of our desired future now, our body can be 'tricked' into
thinking that future is already our reality, resulting in more positive thoughts and
telling your brain’s RAS to focus on positive outcomes.

3. The alignment of thoughts and feelings creates a state of being:

When our thoughts (brain) and feelings (body) align, we enter a state of being. This
state can influence our actions, choices, and experiences, which ultimately shapes
our reality.

4. Mental rehearsal is key:

Just as athletes mentally rehearse their performances, we can mentally rehearse our
desired future. This process, done regularly, can build neural pathways in our
brain that supports that future.

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 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

How to Visualize
Here’s how to apply these teachings through visualization while doing shadow work:

1. Create a Clear Mental Picture:

Define what your future looks like in detail. What are you doing? Who are you
with? How do you feel?

2. Feel the Future Now:

Engage your emotions as you visualize. Feel the joy, excitement, love, or peace of
your future now. This convinces your body that this future is happening now.

3. Mental Rehearsal:

Regularly visualize your future, immersing yourself in the feelings it brings. This
practice, done over time, reinforces the neural pathways that align with this future.

4. Let Go:

Detach from the outcome and trust the process. Don't stress about how or when
your desired future will manifest. Your job is to create it mentally and emotionally,
and then let it unfold naturally.

5. Take Aligned Action:

Visualization isn't a replacement for action; it's a catalyst. Inspired ideas or

opportunities may come to you – act on them. They're part of the path to your
visualized future.

235
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE A DAY IN YOUR LIFE 5 YEARS FROM NOW WHERE YOU'VE
ACHIEVED YOUR GOALS. WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE FROM THE
MOMENT YOU WAKE UP TO WHEN YOU GO TO BED? WRITE A DAY IN
THE LIFE.

236
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE A SITUATION THAT WOULD USUALLY TRIGGER YOUR
ANXIETY. NOW, VISUALIZE YOURSELF HANDLING IT LIKE A BOSS.
WHAT WAS THE TRIGGER AND HOW DO YOU FEEL?

237
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

RECORD A MESSAGE TO YOUR FUTURE SELF ON YOUR PHONE ABOUT YOUR
HOPES AND DREAMS. PUT AN ALARM IN YOUR PHONE TO REMIND YOU TO
LISTEN TO IT 6 MONTHS FROM NOW. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

238
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION YOUR FUTURE HOUSE/S IN VIVID DETAIL. WHERE IS IT, WHAT
DOES IT LOOK LIKE, WHO’S WITH YOU?

239
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE YOURSELF ACCOMPLISHING A MAJOR LIFE GOAL.
FOCUS ON THE FEELINGS OF SUCCESS AND ACCOMPLISHMENT.
WHAT IS THE GOAL?

WHAT ARE THE STEPS YOU TOOK TO ACHIEVE THIS?

240
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION YOUR FUTURE CAR/S, WHAT ARE YOU DRIVING?
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR DREAM CAR? WHERE ARE
YOU GOING IN IT?

241
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT DOES FINANCIAL FREEDOM LOOK LIKE TO YOU? IF YOU
HAD EVERYTHING YOU DESIRED WHAT DOES YOUR LIFE LOOK
LIKE? EXPLAIN IN VIVID DETAIL.

242
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE MEETING SOMEONE WHO IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
IN LIFE. WHAT QUESTIONS WOULD YOU ASK THEM? WRITE A LIST OF
QUESTIONS.

NOW ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS FOR YOURSELF.

243
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

FIND A NEW PODCAST. TAKE A LITTLE TIME TO SEARCH AND THEN WRITE
DOWN WHY YOU CHOSE IT.

PUT A REMINDER IN YOUR PHONE TO REVISIT THIS PAGE IN

1 WEEK TO WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU LEARNT.

244
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PICTURE YOURSELF IN A PLACE THAT BRINGS
YOU JOY. SIT IN IT FOR A MINUTE, FEEL IT ALL OVER YOUR BODY.
WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE? WHO’S WITH YOU?

245
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IF YOU HAD NO FEAR OR LIMITATIONS, WHAT WOULD YOUR LIFE
LOOK LIKE IN 5 YEARS?

246
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

ENVISION THE ULTIMATE VERSION OF YOUR LIFE. WHAT HAVE
YOU LET GO OF? WHAT HAVE YOU GAINED?

LET GO OF

GAINED

247
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

DRAW LINES FROM THE CIRCLE OF YOUR DREAM PARTNER.

Perfect Person

248
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE YOUR PERFECT PERSON. WRITE A LIST OF PHYSICAL AND
EMOTIONAL QUALITIES THIS PERSON HAS

PHYSICAL

EMOTIONAL

249
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

HOW DOES THIS FUTURE PARTNER:

SUPPORT YOU

LOVE YOU

250
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOUR BIGGEST PASSIONS
AND INTERESTS.

DOES YOUR PARTNER/FUTURE PARTNER NEED TO SHARE THESE INTERESTS.

IF SO, WHICH ONES?

251
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT'S THEIR PERSONALITY LIKE? HOW DO YOU HANG OUT? WHAT DOES IT
LOOK LIKE AT HOME TOGETHER?

252
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE YOURSELF CONFIDENTLY SETTING BOUNDARIES IN A
RELATIONSHIP. HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE YOUR NEEDS RESPECTED?

253
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PERSONAL CHALLENGE RIGHT NOW?
IMAGINE YOU'VE OVERCOME IT. HOW DID YOU DO IT? WRITE IT
OUT IN DETAIL.

254
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

DRAW EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE ON THIS PAGE. IT CAN BE WORDS,
SYMBOLS, IMAGES - DON’T WORRY ABOUT BEING GREAT AT
DRAWING, JUST TRY IT.

255
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE YOURSELF PURSUING A PASSION OR DREAM YOU'VE HELD
BACK ON WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S DIFFERENT IN THIS REALITY? EXPLAIN IN
DETAIL.

256
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE YOUR FUTURE SELF'S DAILY ROUTINE. WHAT HABITS HAVE YOU
INCORPORATED FOR A HEALTHIER LIFE?

257
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT ONE YEAR FROM NOW. WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? WHO ARE YOU WITH? WHAT’S MAKING YOU SMILE?

258
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

IMAGINE A FUTURE WHERE YOU FEEL SECURE WITHIN YOURSELF. WHAT
DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF? HOW DOES THIS SECURITY IMPACT
YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

259
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

PICTURE YOUR LIFE ONE YEAR FROM NOW, AFTER CONSISTENTLY
WORKING ON YOUR PERSONAL GROWTH. WHAT CHANGES DO YOU
SEE?

260
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

VISUALIZE A MOMENT IN YOUR FUTURE WHERE YOU ARE PROUD OF
YOURSELF. WHAT DID YOU DO TO EVOKE THIS PRIDE? EXPLAIN IN DETAIL.

261
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

LOOK BACK AT THE PERSON YOU WERE WHEN YOU STARTED THIS
JOURNAL AND COMPARE IT WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE NOW.
WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED?

IN WHAT WAYS HAVE YOU GROWN AND CHANGED?

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF?

262
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

CREATE AN ACTION PLAN FOR THE NEXT SIX MONTHS BASED ON YOUR
VISIONS. BREAK IT DOWN INTO STEPS. START SMALL AND BUILD.

263
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

264
 SHADOW WORK PROMPTS

ENVISIONING THE FUTURE

265
 SECTION 6

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

ANXIOUS PATTERNS

Look at you go! The hard part is done and you've done awesome!

You've probably learnt a lot about yourself, maybe had a few cries and crazy realizations,
now we're going to lock in all of this progress with positive affirmations.

Using positive affirmations is a powerful way to influence your subconscious mind.

Remember, you think around 90% of the same subconscious thoughts everyday.

You now have a vision for the future, but it's also important to keep your thoughts focused
and positive.

Remember, this isn't a 100% of the time thing.

You're allowed to have bad days - and when you do take that time to rest, be upset, be
angry, eat the junk food - feel everything you need to feel.

Then - get back to it.

When you repeat positive affirmations you’re feeding the brain new information and
creating new neural pathways that will help you to shift your programming.

Remember it takes 30 days to create new neural pathways.

It's important to acknowledge that affirmations may feel a bit strange or awkward at first.

Talking to yourself in a positive and empowering way might not be something you're used
to, but trust us when we say they can be incredibly transformative.

Affirmations are like little seeds that we plant in our minds. With consistent practice, they
have the power to reprogram our thoughts and beliefs, helping us break free from anxious
patterns and embrace healthier ways of relating to ourselves and others.

So, even if it feels a bit weird or corny, give affirmations a chance.

Repeat them to yourself with conviction and intention. Over time, you'll begin to notice a
shift in your mindset and a greater sense of self-worth and self-acceptance.

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 SECTION 6

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

ANXIOUS PATTERNS

Tips For Affirmations

You can practice your anxious attachment style affirmations either inside your head or out
loud.

Practicing in a quiet space when you have a little time to yourself is best, so that you can
focus on the words and emotion.

You can choose to practice in the mirror while looking into your eyes to enhance the
practice.

Remember, we need to connect the thoughts of the mind to a feeling in the body, so attach
a deep feeling to your affirmation.

Don’t just say the words “I deserve love”, feel the words as deeply as you can;
visualize how you’d feel if these words were true; who are you, what are you doing,
how are you expressing yourself if this was the truth?

Remember, healing and growth take time, and there might be days when you doubt the
effectiveness of affirmations.

But keep going.

We all have bad days.

Be patient with yourself, embrace the process, and celebrate even the smallest victories
along the way.

Practicing as you wake up and just before you go to sleep supercharges this practice as
your subconscious mind is in a deep meditative state and more open to suggestion.

Try to practice this for 30 days in a row, see how it makes you feel - you might be
surprised.

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 SECTION 6

AFFIRMATIONS FOR BREAKING

ANXIOUS PATTERNS

Choose 3 of your favorite affirmations and repeat them daily.

Reword them to feel more authentic to you.

Remember to connect the words to an emotion, so that your mind and body believe you.

1. Every day, I'm becoming more secure in my relationships

2. I am enough just as I am, and I do not need anyone’s validation
3. It's okay to let others in; not everyone is going to hurt me
4. I trust in the consistency of love and know it is not easily lost
5. My worth is not dependent on other people's opinions or actions
6. Healthy relationships have a balance of give and take, and I am part of that balance
7. I'm allowed to voice my needs and feelings in a relationship
8. I can find peace in solitude; being alone does not mean being unloved
9. I can handle separation without fear; everyone needs their own space
10. Love is not a scarce resource; there's plenty of it in the world for me
11. I trust in the strength of my relationships, even when I can't see it
12. I deserve relationships that are consistent, stable, and balanced
13. Just as others care for me, I must also care for myself
14. My emotions are valid and I am capable of handling them
15. I can cope with uncertainty and still maintain my peace of mind
16. My anxieties do not define me or the potential of my relationships
17. Love is not just about feeling good; it's about growth and understanding
18. I can express my needs without fear of rejection or abandonment
19. Healthy boundaries are a part of any good relationship, and I can establish them
20. I am worthy of a love that is consistent and not driven by fear
21. Being alone is a chance for self-reflection and self-care, not a punishment
22. Even if a relationship ends, it doesn't diminish my worth or capacity for love
23. I am the author of my story, not my anxieties or fears
24. I am capable of building and maintaining balanced relationships
25. Each day, I choose to face my fears, embrace growth, and cherish love in its truest
form

269
 SECTION 7

A NEW YOU

So, do you think you can cultivate a secure attachment style after everything you've
learned?

Secure attachment is characterized by emotional responsiveness, trust, effective

communication, and shared values. By understanding the qualities that define secure
attachment, you'll gain valuable insights to shape and enhance your own connections.

A secure attachment style comes with a certain flair for maintaining healthy relationships.

Here's what a person with a secure attachment style typically does:

1. Communicates Openly: They're adept at expressing their feelings and needs in a clear,
respectful manner, fostering mutual understanding and reducing conflicts.
2. Respects Boundaries: They understand and respect personal boundaries, their own and
those of others. They know that personal space and mutual respect go hand-in-hand in
any relationship.
3. Maintains Balance: They find a healthy balance between dependence and
independence, never too clingy, never too distant.
4. Shows Empathy: They can attune to the feelings and needs of their partners, offering
support and understanding when needed.
5. Cultivates Trust: They trust easily but not naively, building trust with time and through
consistent, reliable behavior.
6. Is Resilient: They bounce back from relationship setbacks, using them as opportunities
to learn and grow rather than reasons to disconnect.
7. Practices Self-Care: They understand the importance of self-care and take time for
themselves to recharge, knowing that a healthy relationship starts with a healthy self.

In essence, a secure attachment style is like being in a dance where you're in sync with
your partner, flowing effortlessly together, yet also comfortable in your own rhythm.

We hope you feel this in your next meaningful relationship.

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 SECTION 7

A NEW YOU

Welcome to your new era.

We hope that you've learnt some cool things about neuroscience, your brain and how it's
possible to change and grow.

You've just completed a pretty incredible journey of self discovery.

You've dug deep, probably cried a lot, come to crazy realizations and have learnt some
things about yourself that you didn’t even know.

You've started to unlearn old patterns and learn new ways of relating to yourself and
others.

You've begun to replace fear with trust, anxiety with peace.

You've also delved into the shadows with bravery and curiosity, engaging in shadow work
to understand, confront, and integrate the parts of you that have been hidden away.

As you move forward, celebrate each milestone and progress you make in building
healthier and more secure attachments.

Keep this journal close.

Revisit it often to remind yourself of how far you've come and the resilience you've
displayed.

And as you move forward, remember to be gentle with yourself.

Healing is a journey, not a destination.

You got this.

272