THE

| Countr y-Wife.

>OMEDY- 5 *ARed at he

| Thea Royal?
WrittenbyMr.Wieherle E
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Y

Indigmer qHIGuan hectend; 08 quia craſſe

ij : Compoſitum
aolepidewve putetar, ed go__
Sea es veniam Avtiquis, ſed honorem & premia poſes.
: s Horat.

LONDON,
a for Sane! Briſcoe in Ruſſelſtreet Covent-Garden , and
Dorieh'Dring at the -Herrow in Fleet-flreet. 1695.
 1}II, 104 D353:
IJ) vx4
 PROLOGUE, ſpokenby Mr. Ha
rt
| JOets, /ike Cudgel'd Bullies, never do
ER
At firſt, or-ſecond blow, ſubmit to you ;
4 But wil provoke Fr je and neer have aone,

Tillyou are weary firſt, with laying ot :

The late ſo baffled Seribler
ofthisday, ©
Though he ſtands trembling, bids me boldly ſay,
What we before moſt Phiyi are ud i0 do,. .
For Poets out of fear, firſt draw on you; ®» _
I a fierce Prologue, the ſtill Pit defie, _
And &er you ſpeak, like Caſtril, give the he ,
But though our Bayſes Bates oft Pre 7 4M
And with bruis'd yt chles, t ir deat conqueſt's bought;
Nay, never yet fear'd Odds upon the Stage,
Is Ppigss cenot Theitor with the > |
But wou'd take Quarter from your ſaving hands,
Though Bay le within all yielding Cottntermanas,
Says you Confetrate Wits no Quarter give,
Ther'fore his Play ſhan't askyoar lewve to live :
Well, let the vain raſh Fop, by huffwng [o,
Think to obtain the better terms of you ;-
But we, the Aftors, hambly will ſubmit,
Now, and at anytime, to afull Pit ,
| Nay, often we — Orr Age, - - >
P-

&$2
e'Y
*

E#5
And murder Poets for you, on our Stage :-
ue
' We ſet no Guards pon our Tyring-Room,
W-
»_—
-

. But when with flying colours, there you come,

We patiently, you ts, gue up to you
ns.”
RETES2-
l By
'

Our Poets, Virgins, naj,our Matrons $00..

 The Perſons.
BR. Horner, Mr. Hart. EF. as

Mr. Harcourt, Mr. Kenafton,

' Mr. Dorilant, Mr. Lydal.
Mr. Pinchwiſe, Mr. Mobun.
Mr. Sparkiſh, . _ Mr. Haynes.
Sir +ſper Fzaget, M r. Carturight.
| Mrs. Margery Pinchwife,
Mrs. Aithea, Mrs James.”
My Lady Fidget, Mrs. Knep.
. Mrs. Dainty Fiadget. Mrs. Corbet.
" Mrs. Squeamiſh, Mrs. Wyatt.
Old Lady Squeamiſh. Mrs. Rmtter.
Waiters , Servants, and Attendants. _
A -

. vm __ Pp
. fo 45

Wc
* 6
0 .

Mr. Shotterel. - . - -.
.* ;
be + _

y, Alithea's Maid, Mrs. Cory:

© "P_ G
9.5 & . ,

RES.
Ir
i
> *

|. _TheSCENE London.
 R $)

,3
3 Country Wite.
_ cs ——_

ACTI.SCENE I.
Ezter Horner, and Quack fo!lowing him at a diſtance.
j . / a

| 9-72 Quackis as fit for a Pimp, as a Midwife for a Bawd, they are ſtilt
X# but in their way, both helpers of Nature, — [aſide.] —- Well, my
dear DoCtor, haſt thon done what I defired?
Qrz. I haye undone you-for ever with the Women, and reported
you throughout the whole Town as bad as an Exruch, withas much
trouble as if 1had miade you one in earneſt. we
#:r, But have you told all the Midwives yon know,the Orange Wenches At the Play-
houſes, the City Husbands, and old Fumbling Keepers of this end of the "Vown, for
they'll be the@geadieſt to report It. |
Qz. I have told all the Chamber-maids, Waiting-women, Tyre-women, and Old
LY
Women of my acquaintance; nay, and whiſper'd it as a ſecret to *em, and to the Whiſ-
perers. of WWhitehal:; ſo that you need not doubt *'twill ſpread, and you will be as odions
V tothe handſome young Women, as — | |
"= Hor. As the ſmall Pox. — — Well _ |
7 £2. Andto the married Women of this end of the Town, as ——-
Hor. Asthe great ones , nay; as their own Husbands. :
Ba. Andto the City Dames as Annis-ſeed Kobin, of filthy and contemptible memory;
E and they will frighten thei: Children with your-name, eſpecially their Females.
= HH. And cry Horner's coming to carry you away : I-am only afraid *twill not he-be-%
KB liev'd ; you told *em it was by an Ergliſh- French Diſafter, and an Engliſh-F-ench” Chi- © 7
rurgeon, who has' given meat once, not only a Cure, but an Antidote for the- future,
A + ron that damn'd 'Malady, and that worſe Diſtemper Love, and all other Women's
; | 4” - $> NJ: 34437
: vils, STA
5:1 - ?

; Qrz. Your late.journey into Fravce has made it the more credible, and ydur being here”
3Fortnight before yo appear*d in publick, looks as if you apprehended-the ſhame which ®
} 1 wonder you do not : 'Well I have been hired by young Gallants to belye 'em tFethers 7
FH. way; but you are the firſt wou'd te thought a Man unfit for Women, 0 be 6
- Hor Dear Mr, Do&tor, let vain'Rogues be contented on}j7-to be thonght: abler.Men ©
- +than they are, generally ”tis all the pleaſure they have; but mine lies another way-— »
\" Ou, You take, methinks, a very prepoſterous way to it, and as ridictlous'asif we
perators in Phyſick, ſhou'd put forth Bills to diſparage our Medicaments,with hopes ta
' Cuſtomers, | ; B Hr, Door,

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bes FM bes = 5 I By
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- B E-: | The Country-W. ife. «

Hor.. DoQtor, there are Quacks- in love, as well as Phyſick, who get but the fewer FF.
and worſe Patients, for their boaſting ; a good name is ſeldom got by giving it on 7.
and Women no more than honour are compaſs'd-by bragging : Come, come DotdiMhe* i
wiſeſt Lawyer neverdiſcovers the merits:$Mhis cauſe til] the tryal; the wea'thieſMan. NI
- conceals his Riches, and the cunning Gameſter his Play; Shy Husbands-and Keepers, like
- © OId, Rooks are not tc be cheated, but by'a new urpractis'd trick ; falſe Friendſhip will
E paſs now no more then falſe Dicg upon 'em Pno not in the City.
: 2 Enter Boy.
- By, There are two Ladies and a Gentleman coming up;
Hur. A Pox, ſome unbelieving Siſters of my former acquaintance, who lam afraid,ex-
pect. their ſenſe ſhow'd be fartisfh'd of the falfity of the report. Crap Jaſper Fidget
No- this formal Fool and Women / Lady Fidget, aud M;s.
Ou. Ais Wife and Siſter. | | Dainty Fidget.
S:r Gaſp.My Coach breaking juſt now before-your door, Sir, I laokupon as an occa-
- fional reprimand-to me, Sir; for. not kiſſing your hands, Sir, ſince your coming out of -
*: France, \ir ; and ſo.my diſaſter, Sir, has been my good forttne; Sir. ;and this is my Wife,
and Silter, Sir. SE F.
_ Ar, What then; Sir ? |
" Sir Jaſp. My Lady, and Siſter, Sir,
—— Wife, this is Maſter Horner..
; Lady Fid. Maſter Hirner, Husband !
&ir Faſp, My Lady, my Lady Fjdger, Sir.
Her. 'S5, Sir. ks
_ Sir Tafp. WorPt you be acquainted with her, Sir ? |
| [Ss the report is true, © I find by his coldnefs or averſion to:the Sex ; but PII play the
wag with him, Ee " LCAide.
; Pray ſalute my Wite, my Lady, Sir, BE :
Hor. Igyill Kiſs-no Man's Wite, Sir, for him, Sir, I have taken my eternal leave, Sir, ©
of the Sex already, Sir. TS | |
Sir Faſp. Hah, hah, bai ; I'll plagoe him yer. [ Afrde.
Not know my Wife, Sir ? | -— ip
Hor. 1do know your Wife,
Sir, ſhe's a Woman, Sir ; and conſequently a: Monſter,Sir, Þ©
.- a*greater Monſter than a Husband, Sir. | :
"Sir Jaſp. A Husband ; how Sir? : | |
+ Hoy.: So, Sir ; but Imake no more Cuckolds, Sir. [3makes horns, ,
»
Sir Jaſp. Hah, hah, hah, Mercury, Mercury. ,
” © LadyFid, Pray, Sir 7aſper, lets be gone from this rude Fellow.
Ars. Daint. Who by his breeding, wow'd think, he had ever been in France ?
_ -Lia Fid, Foh, he's but too much a French Fellow, ſuchas hate Women of quality and.
” virtue, for their love to their Husbands, Sirgaſper ;. a Woman 1s hated by *emas much.
& for loying her Husband, as for loving their Money : But pray let's be-gone. .
Zr. You do well, Madam, forI have nothing that you carte for: I have brought
43 yer nor.fo.much as a Bawdy PiQture, new Poſtures, nor the ſecond Part. of the Ecole
” deFifles;, Nor
b” a Qu. ; Lold for ſhame, Sir 5 what-d'ye mean? you'll ruine. your ſeH for ever with the
F GE nanny | | ; L apart ro Horner... :
E. $a. Hah, hah, hb, hc hates Women perfectly Lfind, F2
Dain. What pity 'tis he ſhou d..
# VF FE”
<_—
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 >» —_-

The Coumry Wife. > 2

Þ. £54. Ay, be's a baſe rnde Fellow fort; bat affeftation makes not aWoman mote
| odggous to. them, than Virtue. #3
. Hor. Fecauſe your Virtue is your greateſt affeftation, Madam
'Y La. Fid. How, you ſawcy Fellow, wou'd you wrong my honour?
Hor. If I cou'd. .
* La. Fid. How d'ye mean, Sir ? |
Sir Jaſ, Hah, hah, hah, no he can't wrong your Ladyſhip's honour; up9o my lionowr , »
he poor Man ——— hark you in your ear —— a mere Exunzch. :
La. Fid. O filthy French Beaſt,foh,{oh ; why do we ſtay ? Ict's be gone: 1 can't endure
the ſ{ight of him, | | | |
$7. Faſ. Stay, but till the Chairs come, they'll be here preſentl;.
þ La. Fid. No, no. 5+ Lt ; l
Sr. Jaſ.. Nor canl ſtay longer ; *tis- let me ſee, a quarter and a half quarter of ami-
_ nute paſt eleven; the Conncil will be fare, I muſt away ; buſineſs muſt be yreferr'd al-
ways before Love andCeremony with the wiſe Mr. Horzer.
Her. And the Impotent Sir T/per.
Sr. Jaſ. Ay, ay, the Impotent Maſter Horner, hah, hah, hah.
Lad. Fid. What leave us with a filthy Man alone in his Lodgings?
©

Sy. Faſ. He's an' innocent Man now you know ; prily ſtay, I'll haſten the Chairs tv
you —- Mr. Horner your Servant, I ſhould be glad to {eg you at my houſe ; pray
come and dine with me, and play at Cards with my Wife aſter dinner, you are fit for
Women at that game yet, nah, ha- CTisas much a Husbands prudence to pro-
vide innocegs diverſion for a Wite,as to hinder her unlawful pleaſures ; and he had be-=
ter employ her, than let her employ her ſelf. ; ( Aſide.
Farewell. | 2 \ * ( Exit Sir Jaſper. ®
Hor. Your Servant, Sir Jaſper. |
La. Fid. I will not ſtay with him, foh »—
Hor. Nay, Madam, 1 beſeech you ftay, if it be but to ſee, I can be as civil to L:dies
yet, as they wou'd deiire, _ :
La. Fid No, no, foh, you cannot be civil to Ladies.
: Dair. You as civilas Ladies wou'd defire. . : AR
© La. Fid. No, no, no, foh, foh, foh. ( Exennt LadyFid. and Dainty.
Ou. Now 1 think, I, or you your ſelf rather, have done your buſineſs with the Women.
Hor. Thou art an Aſs, don't you ſee wready, upon the report and my carriaze,” this
grave Man of bulineſs leaves his Wife in my Lodgings, invites me. to: his Honſe and
Wife. who before wou'd not be acquainted with me gut of jealonſie. _ >.
Ox. Nay, by this means you may be the moreacquainted with the Husbands, but the
#F leſs with the Wives. | « Ye "0 Y
_ #for. Letme alone, If 1 can but abuſe the Husbands, II ſ,on diſabuſe the” Wives :
- Stay [11 reckon. you up the advantages, I am like to have by my Stratagem” :
Firſt, I ſhall be rid of all my old Acquaintances, the-moſt inſatiable ſort of Duns, that WE <
invade our Lodgings ina Morning : Andnext to the pleaſure of making New Miſtreſs, *
is that of being rid of an old One, and of all old Debts ; Love when it $5. to be ſo,iS _
paid the moſt unwillingly. 5 a SY 9 SSIS "IS
._ Qu. Well you may beſo rid of your old Acquaintances;' but how will” you get any
. new Ones? | : | | "Og: "WY
Hor. Doctor, thou wilt never make a good Chymiſt, thou art ſo-incredulous
and im *
| B 2 | patient;

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* patient; ask but-all the young Fellows'ef the Town, it they do "not loſe nioreSrne
de

» like Huntſmen, in ſtarting the game; than in running it down; vheknows not wherMto
find em, who will, or wiilnets Women of Cuility arc ſo civil, you can hardly diſtin-
.- guiſh love from good-breeding, and a-Man is often miſtaken ;but noi I can he ſure, ſhe
- that ſhews anaverſion to-me lovesthe ſport; as thoſe Women that are gone, whom [
” warrailt to be right :- And then the next thing, is your- Women of Honour,as you call
| em, ate only chary of their reputations,.not
their Perſons, and *tis:ſgandal they-wou'd
avoid, not Men : Now may-I have,. by the reputation of an Ennmch, the Priviledges of
-OQne; and be ſeen ina Ladies Chamber in a morning as early as her:Hasband'; kiſs Vir-
1 gins:beforc their Parents, or Lovers ; and may be in ſhort the. Pas par tonr of the Town. ,
'Now, Doctor. ; TI Ei OE
'- --Ox. Nay, now you ſhall be the Doctor; and: yoyr Proceſs is ſo new, that we donot
know bur it may ſacceed, SE I
Hr. Not ſo new. ncither, Probatzm eff, Doftcr, © FS OI 7!
Qu, Well, 1 wiſh you tuck and many Patients w hilt Tgo'tomine. © [CExir. Quack.
| Enter Barcourt,. azd Dorilantes Horner, © G6
Har. Come, your appearance at the Play yeſterday, has I hope hardifed you for the
future againſt the Womens, contempt, and the Mens raillery - and now you'll abroad as -
FOY-Vere Wont, | ; .
-.&or. Did 1 not bear it bravely ?- - : | Bee”
Dor. Wath a molt Theatrical impudence; nay,more than the Orange:'Wenches ſhew
a8re,or a drunken Vizard Mask, ara great belly'd AQtreſs, nay, or themoſt impudent
of:Creatures, an 4}l Poet ;. or what is yet more impudent, a fecondchand Writick
Hor. But what ſay the Ladies, have they nopity ? | | |
De. Hay, Wheat Ladies ? the Vizard TMaſques you know never pity a Man when all*s gone” .
though in their Service, | | ; -
De. And tor the Womanin tae B3xes, you'dgever pity them, when *twasin your
ower. 220 |
y Har. They fay, *tis pity but all that deal with common Women ſhou'd be ſery'd fo; © 4
Dor. Nay,l dare ſwear, they, won't admit you to play at Cards with them, go to
. Heh "gy 'em, or.do the little duties which other. Shadows of Men are wont to do 2

Ex Hor. Who do-you call Shadows of Men ?

© ©, +3Dor, Half Men. | -_-
-, Ho. What Boys?
A

2. = Der. Ay, your old Bo

4 ;
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Is

_
” Bar. No, Miſtreſlesare like Books ; if you pore upon them toomuch;they doze you,
Be

*»
E and make you unhit for Company;
Ry

but if us'd diſcr eetly, you are the fitter for convyer-
'fation by em, -- 5
Dor. A.
3;
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#Pas Y bay
| ww wy
E

The ContrOTIS =, —S
" Dor. AA Miſtreſs ſhou'd be like a little Country Retr eat near the Town, not to 4well
in conſtantly, but on'y for a. night and awzy.; to taite the Town the beter WAaen a-
Man returns:
Hor. 1 tell you, *tis as hard to be ag00d!Fellow, a good Friend, and a Lover of Wo-
men,” as *tis to be a good Fellow, a good Friend, "and ai over of Money : You cannot fol-
low both, then chooſe your {ide;; Winegives you liberty, Leve takes it away,
Ez. Dor, Gad, he's in the right one.
ki. Flor, Wine gives you joy, Love gr ef and tortures ; beſide S the CAITUFgeOn 'S Wiae
” \makes us witty, Love only ſots :Wine makes us ſlecp, Lov breaks it, *
Dox. By the World he has reaſon, Harcourt. n+
Hor. Wine makes ———-— |
- Dor. Ay, Wine makes— makes us. Princes, Love makes us Be3gars, Pzor
Rogues, y gad———and Wine —
* *Hr. $6, there's one.converted=—— No, no, Love and Wine, Oil-and Vinegar.
Har. | erant it; Love will ſtill'be upper molt.
- Heir. Come, for my part I will taye only thoſe olorious, manly pleaſures of being
* very drunk, and very flovenly.
Exnter Poy.
Boy. Mr. Sparksſh 1is below, Sir.
Har. What, my dear Friend! a Rogue that is-fond of me, onlyI think for al buſing him.
3 Dor. No, he can no more think the Men laugh athim, than that Women jile him, his
SF: opinion of himſelf is ſo good.
"i Hor, Well, there's another pleaſure by drinking, I thought not of, [ ſhall Joſe his ac- +
- quaintance. becauſe he cannot drink ;-and you know 'tisa very hard thing to be rid of
him, for he's one of thoſe nauſeous offerer S at wit, wholike the worſt Fidler S run them-
-- F felyes iinto all Companies. _
FF - Zr. One, that by-beinp- in the Company of Men of ſenſe wou'd paſs for one.
BY. 7: And may. © theMort-ſighted World, as a falſe Jewel amongſt true ones, is
SF not diſern'd at a diſtance; his Company is as troubleſome to us, asa Cuckolds, when
B+ you bave a mind to his Wife's. |
2 Har: No, the Rogue will not let us enjoy one another, but raviſhes qur conver ſation,
FF . though he ſignifies no more/t®'t,than Sir Martin Mar -alls gaping,and auker'd thrumming -
F_ upon the Lute, does to his Man's Voice, and Mulick,
>. - Dor. Ard to paſs fora Witin Þ own. .ſhews himſelf a-Fool every night tous,thatare
IF evilty of the Plor.
. - Hor. Such Witsas he, arc to a Company of reaſonable Men, like Rooks to the Game-.
” ſters,who only, fill a room at theTable, bur are ſo far from contributing to the Play that:
FS they onlyſervs to ſpoil the fancy of thoſe that do. _
FF Dor. Nay, they are us'd like Rooks too, inub'd, checkd, and abusd; yet the Rogues
8 $ will
TR _ Py
d A Pox on'em,and al] that force Nature; and wou'd be ſtill what ſhe forbids em;
TT ARGarion is her greateſt Monſter.
;' - Her. Moſt Men art the contraries to that they wou'd ſeem ; your Bully you ſee oY
$+- Coward with a long Sword; the little- humbly tawning Phyſician with his Ebony
4
F 3s he that deſtroys Men.
F . Yor. The Uſhrer, axpoor Rogue, poſſeſs'd of moldly Bonds, and Mortgages; and we +»
' they call ſpend--thrifts, are only wealthy, who lay out his money upon daily new pur-
chaſes of"—_ | | Hor, Ay, ©.

UMI
 6 | 7be
WR nFife.
Sys Ay, your er-ranteſ Cheat, is your Truſtec,or Executor; your jealons Man, the F
greateſt Cuckold; your Church wan, the ercateſt Atheift, a: Ny your noifte pert Rogue
of aWir, the gr eateſt Fop, dulleſt Ak, and worſt Company, as you ſhall ſee : For
here he comes. |
Enter Sparkiſh 79 chem.
Spar. How 1s't Sparks, how is't? Well Faith, Har ry, muſt railly thee a littte, ha,ha
ha, upon the report in Ton of thee, ha, ha, ha,TIcan't hold y* Faith; ſhall I ſpeak ?"2
Hor. Yes, but you'll be ſ> bitter then.”
Spar. Honeſt Dick and Fran; here ſhall anſwer for me,l will not be extreme bitcer,by
the Univerſe.
Har. We will be bourd in ten thouſand pound Bond, he ſhall not be bitter at all.
Dor. Nor ſharp, nor ſweet.
Hor. What, not down right infipid?
Spar, Nay then, lince you are fo brisk, and provoke me, take what follows ;you muſt
' know, -I was diſcourſiing and rallying wich ſome Ladies MR and they hapned to
talk of the fine new Signs in Town.
'Hor. Very fine Ladies | believe.
Spar. Said I, 1 know where the veſt new Sign is Where FE one of the Ladies ?In
Covent-Garden, 1 repli'd.. Said another; in what Street ? In Ryſſel Srrecr, anſweredI.Lord
; ſays another, Fm ſure there was ne'er ai fine new Sign there yeſterday. Yes ,butthere was,
laid 1 again, and it came out of Exance, and has becn there a fortnight,
Dor. A Pox, I can hear no more, prethee.
* Hor. NO hear him out; let him tune his crowd a while, 3A
' Har. The worſt Muſick the greateſt preparation.
Spar. Nay, faith, I'll make you-laugh. Ir cannor be, ſays a third Lady. Yes yes ,qu-th
I again. Says a fourth Lady, —Þ
Hor. Look to't, we'll have no more Ladies.
Spar. No. ——— then mark, mark, now, ſaid I to the forsth, did you never ſee Mr,
Horwer; he lodges in Rufſcl-ſtreet, and he's a ign of a Mn, you know, fince he came out
of France, heh, hah, he.
| Zoe. But the Devil take me, if thine be the ſign of a jeſt.
1. "Spar, With that they all fell a laughing, till they bepiſ#&d themſelves > what, but it
does not move you, methinks ? well ſee one had as go::d go to | aw without a witneſs,
as break a jeſt without a laughter on ones ſide. Come, come, Sparks, but where-do we |
.dine, 1 have left at Whirchall an Earl to dine with you.
Dor. Why, I thought thou hadſt lov'd a Man with a Title better, than a Suit with a
French triming to't. |
Har. Goto him again,
Spar. No, Sir, a wit to me 15 the greateſt title in
i the World.
Her. But go dine with your Earl, Sir, be may be excepiious ; we are your Friends; ,and
wilt not take it il] to be left, I do aſſure you.
Har. Nay, faith he ſhall oO to him,
Spar. Nay, pray Gentlemen. X
Dor. We'll thruſt you out, if you wo'not, what diſappoint any vooy fer us ?
Spar, Nay, dear Gentlemen hear me.
Hor. No, no, Sir, by no means ; pray, go Sir. ,
Spar, W hyn dear Rogues. ( They all! thruft him out of the Room.
hs | \ . | Dor. "No,
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Dox. No, no. Yeturns.

: ; [ Sper,
Al Ha, ha, ha. :

Soar. But,” Sparks, pray hear me; what d'ye- think II eat tlien with gay ſhallow
-Fbps, and ſilent Coxcombs ? Ithink wi* as neceſſary at Dinner, as a glaſs of g,oq Wine,
"and that's'the reaſon I Never have any ſtomach whenI cat alone -.-- Come but where
-,-»do we dine ?
Hor. Even where you will.
SPAr. At Chateli-:c's. | 3 | \
Dor. Yes, it you will;
Spar, Or at the Cock.
Dor. Yes, if you pleaſe.
Spar, Or at the Dog and Partridge.
* Hor. Ay, if you havea mind to't, for we ſhall dine at neither
Spar. Pſhaw, with your fooling we ſhall Joſe the new Play ; and I wou'd'no more miſs
ſeeing a new Play the firſt day, than I wou'dmiſs ſetting
in the Wits Row ; therefore I II
£0 fetch my Miſtreſs and away. [ Exit Sparkiſh,
AManent Horner, Harcourt, Dorilant ; Emnter to them 217. Pinchwife. |
Hor. Who have we here, Pinchmife ?
Ar. Pinch. Gentlemen, your humble Servant.”
Hor. Well, Jack,by thy long abſence from the Town,the grumneſs of thy countenance,
_ and the ſlovenlineſs of thy habit; I ſhow'd give thee joy, ſhow'd I not, of Marriage ?
Hr. Pis. [Death does he know I'm married too ?'I thought to have conceal'd it from
himat leaſt,] | : (Aſide... -
My long ſtay in the Country will excuſe my dreſs,and I have a ſuit of Law, that brings -
me up to Town, that puts me out of hamour ; beſides I muſt give Sparkiſh to morrow:
five thouſand pound to lie with my Siſter. 0
Hor. Nay, you-Country Gentlemen rather. than not purchaſe, will buy any thing,
and he is a crackt Title, if we may quibble : Well, but am 1to give thee joy, I heard:
thou wert marry'd ? + .
Ar. Pin. What then ?
Hor. Why, the next thing that-is to be heard, is thou art a Cuckhold. s
Mr. Pin. Inſugportable name. F Aſide.
Hvr. But I did not expect Marriage from-ſuch.aa Whoremaſter as you, one that knew.
the Town ſo much, and Women ſo well.
Ar. Pin. Why, I have marry'd no Z9don Wife, | |
Hvr. Pſhaw, that's all one, that grave circumſpeRion in marrying a Country Wiſe, ©
is like refuſing a deceitful pamper'd Smithfield Jade, to go and. be cheated by a *Friend ;
in the Countrs. : |
2/7. Pin. A Pox on him and his Simile. (Aſide.
At leaſt weai- little ſurer of the breed there, know what her keeping has been, whether
fox1'd or unſound. | ;
157, Come, come, | have knwn a clap gotten in Waſes, and there are-Cozens, Juſtj-
ces Cleris, and Chaplains inthe Country, 1 won't ſay Coach-men ; but ihe's handſome
and young ?
Pin. fi -0{(wer as I ſhou'd do. : [Afode: :
No, nG. 4 145 n0 be2vry, but her youth; .noattraion, but her modeſty, wholeſome;
, homely, 23d hon'weiy, thar's al, |
| Der. He
 ut 6. p "4 a Ee has SY" - 127 ” att ib q SY WES as." "hc aan .

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"The Country Wife.

' Dor. He ta!ks as like a Graſler as he looks.
Pin: She's too anker'd, ill-favour'd, and filly to bring to Town.
Har, Then methinks you ſhav'd bring her to be taught breeding.
-Pin. To betaught; no, Sir, | thank you, good Wives, and private Toldiers ſhow'd
be Ignorant, -—-—— [Fl keep ter from your inftruQtions, I warrant you. -
-Har. The Rogue is as jealous, as if his Wife were not Ignorant. [ Aſide.
Hor. Why if ſhe be il]-favour'd, there will be leſs danger here for you, than by lea-
ving her in the Country ; we have ſuch variety of dainties that we are ſeldom huygry.
Dor. But they have always cour{e, conſtant, ſwinging ſtomachs in the Country,
Har. Foul Feeders indeed. | :
Dor. And your Hoſpitality is great there.
Har. Open houſe, every Man's welcome.
Piz. So, ſo, Gentlemen. :
Hor. But prethee, why wou'dſt thou marry her * if ſhe be ugly, ill bred, and filly,
ſhe muſt be rich then: _ | 'S$
\ Pin. As rich as if ſhe brought me twenty thouſand pound out of this Town, for ſhe'll
' be asſure not to ſpend her moderate portion, as a London Baggage wow'd be. to ſpend
© ©hers, let it be what it wow'd : fo *tis all one : then becauſe.the's ngly, ſhe's the likelier
to be my own ;and being iil-bred, ſhe'll hate converſation; and lince filly and innocent, F
- Will not know the difference betwixt a Man of one and tweniy, and one offorty, v:
Hor. Nine - to my knowledge ; but if ſhe hefilly, ſhe'll expe& as nwch from a Man
of torty ninc, as from him of one and twenty. : But methinks wit is more neceſſary than
beanty, and I think no young Woman ugly that hasit, and no handſome Woman agree-
able withour it. :
» Pm.” Tis my maxim, he's a Fool that marries, but he's a greater that does not marry
*a Fool; what is witin a Wife good for, bnt to make a Mina Cuckold, n 7
Hor. Yes, to kcep it from his xnowledge., v9.
Pin. A Fool cannot contrive to make her Hnsband a Cuckold. |
Hor. No, but ſhe'll clab with a Man that can ; and what is-worſe,if ſhe cannot mak
her Husband a Cuckold, ſhe'll make him jealous, and paſs for one, and then *tis all one, K*
Pin. Well, well, Ill take care for one, my Wite ſhall make me no Cuckold, though Y} £
* ſhe had your help, Mr. Horner ; I underſtand
the Town, Sir. ' | |
_ Dor. His help !- | | | C Aſie. « a
Har. Qe's come newly to Town it ſeems,
and has not heard how things are with him, |

Hor.|
But tell me, has curcd
Ee
Marriage
| on
thee of whoring, which
- i
it ſeldom does.
"S>.
48)

' Han, *Tis morethan age can do, | | |

- Hor, No, the word is, PIl marry and live honeſt ; buta Marriage Vow is like a peni-
tent Gameſter's Oath,and entring into Bonds,and Penalties to ſtint himfelf toſich a Par-
ticular ſmall ſum at play for the future, which makes him but the more eager, and not '
bcing able to hold out, loſes his Money again and his forfeit to boot. |
} Dor. Ay, «y, a Gameſter wil ve a Gameſter, whilſt his Money laſts; .anda Whore-
maſter, whilſt his vigcur. © - | |
Har. Nay, |have known 'em, when they are broke and can loſe no more,keepy a fum-
bling with the Box in their hands to fool with only, and hinder other Gameſters, ?
Dor, That had wherewithal ro,make lofty ſtakes. - |
Pin. Well, Gentlemen, you may laugh at me, but you Thall never lie with my Wife, 1
Laow the Town, * for. But 8buy
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Hor- But prithee, was not the way you were in better, is not keeping better than
Marriage ? E | y
Pin. A Pox'ont, the Jades wow'd Jilt me, Ican'd never keepa Whore to my ſelF.
'« Hoy. So then you only marry'd to keep a Whore to your ſelf ; well, but let me tell
you, Women, as you ſay, are like Soldiers, made conſtant and loyal by good pay, ra- .
ther than by Oaths.and Covenants, therefore Pd adviſe my Friends to keep rather than
marry ; ſince too 1 find by your example, it does not ſerve ones turn, for I ſaw you ye-
ſterday in the eighteen penny place with a pretty Country-wench.
Pin, How the Devil, did he ſee my Wife then ? I ſate there that ſhe might not be
ſeen ; but ſhe ſhall never go to a Play agen. (Aſidc.
Hor. What doſt thou bluſh at nine and forty, for having been ſeen with a Wench ?
Dor. No, faith, I warrant *twas his Wife, which he ſeated there out of ſight, for he's
a cunning Rogue and underſtands the Town, | |
Har. He bluſhes, then *twas his Wife ; for Men are now more aſhamed to be ſeen with
them in publick, than with a Wench. ”
--» Pin, Hell and Damnation, Pm undone, ſince Hrzer has ſeen her, and they know
"twas ſhe. : - | (Aſide.
Hor. .But prithee, was it thy Wife ? ſhe was exceedingly pretty ; I was in love with
her at that diſtance. OY
Pin. You are like never to be nearer.to her. Your Servant Gentlemen. (Offers to go.
Hor. Nay, prithee ſtay. |
Piz, | cannot, I will not.
Zr. Come, you ſhall dine with vs.
P;z. I have din'd already.
H7;z7. Come, I know thou haſt not ; I'll treat thee dear Rogue, thou 1} ſpend none of
thy Hampſhire Mpney to day. .
Pin. Treat me ; ſo he uſes me already like his Cuckold, (Aſide.
Hor. Nay, you ſhall not go. -
Piz, 1 muſt, 1 have buſineſs at home. (Ext. Pinchwife.
Y-. ar. To beat his Wife, he's as jealous of her, as a Cheapſide Husband of a Covent-
J garden Wife. * I :
BB H#vr. Why, *tis as hard to find an old Whoremaſter without Jealouſie and the Gout,
© asa young one without Fear or the Pox. 2 |
- As Goutin Age, from Pox in Youth proceeds;
" $' & $o Wenching paſt, then Jealouſie ſucceeds:
Wo: The worſt Diſeaſe that Love and Wenching breeds:

ACT II SCENETI.
Mrs. Margery Pinchwife, and Alither : 21. Pinchwife peeping behind at the door.
I 24s. Pin. P'5 Siſter, whereare the beſt Fields and Foods, ta walk in, in London?
Alith. A pretty Queſtion ; why Siſter ! Mulberry Garden, and'St. Fame's
| Park; and for cloſe walks the New-Exchange. |
"S Or: Pin. Pray, Siſter, tell me whymy Husband looks ſo grum here in Town? and
keeps me up ſocloſe, and will not let me go a walking, nor let me wear my beſt Gown
yeſterday? # C | Alith. ©

UMI
 4
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10 ”

The Conntry Wife. Ce”

Alith. Qhe's Jealous, Siſter, |
Mys. Pin. Jealous,” what?s that?
#lith, He's afraid you ſhou'd love another Man. h
Ars. Pin. How ſhop'd hebe afraid of my loving another Man, when he will not let
me ſee any bnt himſelf; ON. | "
Alith. Did he not carry you yeſterday to a Play ?
Ars. Pin. Ay, but we ſat amongſt ugly your ; he wou'd notlet me come near the
Gentry, who fate under us, ſo that I cou'd not ſee *erh. He told me none but naughty
Women ſate there,whom they tons'd and mous'd ; but I wou'd hayeventur'd for allthat, -
Afrth. But how did you like the Play ? SE
Mrs. Pin. Indeed | was weary of the Play, but 1 likK'd hugeouſly the ARors; they are
the goodlieſt, propereſt Men, Siſter. :
Aluh. O, but you muft not like the AQors, Siſter. :
Mr. Pin. Ay, how ſhou'd I help it, Siſter ? Pray, Siſter, when my Husband comes in,
will you ask leave for me to goa walking? |
* Alub. A walking, ha, ha; Lord,a Country Gentlewomans pleaſure js the drudgery' |}.
of a Foot-po!t ; and ſhe requires as much airing as her Husband's Horſes, [Aſide. |} ©
| Enter My. Pinchwife to them. o |
But here. comes your Husband ; I'll ask, though Vm ſure he'll not grant itt «
Ars. Pin. He favs he won't let me go abroad, for fear of catching the Pox.
Alith. Fie, the fmall Pox you ſhou'd ſay. | F
Mrs. Pir. Oh my dear, dear Bud, welcome home ; why daſt thoy look fo fropiſh,who. Þ
as nanger'd thee? _ 5 -
My. Pin. Yere a Fool. ' (Ars Pinch. goes aſide, and cries,
Alith. Faith ſo ſhe is, for crying for no Fault, poor tender Creatursl
Mr. Pin. What, you wou'd have her as Impudent as your ſelf, as erfant a Jilflitt, a
Gadder, a Magpy ; and to ſay all, a meer notorious Town-Woman ? | .
Alith. Brother, you are my only Cenſurer ;z and the honour of your Family ſhall:
ſooner ſuffer in your Wife there, than in me, though I take the tnnocent liberty of the: |
Town. . - k
Fi2 P;n. Hark you Miſtreſs,
do not talk {o before my Wife, the Innocent liberty of |
the Town ! | | © |
Udlith. Why, pray, who boaſts of any Intrigue with me? what Lampoon has made my}
- © name notorious? what ill, Women frequent my Lodgings ? Ikeep no,company. with any. |. F
Women of ſcandalous Reputations. X | CA »
Ar. Pin. No, you keep the the Men ef ſcandalous Reputations Company, |
Alith. Where ? wou'd you not have me civil ? anſwer *em in a Boxat the Plays? in:
the Jrawing Room at Whitehall ? in St. James's Park ? Malberry*garden ? or —— 1

Ar. Pin. Hold, hold, do not teach my Wife, where the Men are to be found ? I
F-

believe ſhe's the worſe for your Town-documents already ? I bid you keep her in igno--
Tanceasl do, - | |
Ars. Pin. Indeed be not affgry with-her, Bud, ſhe will fell me nothing of the Town,.! b
thcngh I ask her a thouſand times a day. =
Mr.Pin. Then you are very inquiſitive.to know, I find ? | he
. Ars. Pin.. Not I, .indeed, Dear, I hate Zoydor;- our Place-houſe in'the Country is. Þt
morth.a.thouſand of t; wow'd.I were there again. . b- ,
< ; t
Mr. Pims

UMI)
 -

; As Wife: "
Mr. Pix, So you ſhall I warrant;but were yon not talking of Plays, and Players,when
I came in ? you are her encourager in ſuch diſcourſes, |
Ars. Pin. No, indeed, Dear, ſhe chid me juſt now for liking the Player Men.
© Ar, Pin, Nay, if ſhebe ſo innocent as to own to me her liking them, there is no-hurt
in't i Afſzae,
Come my poor Rogue, but thou liPſt none better than me ? __
Mrs. tin.” Yes indeed, but I do, the Player=men are-finer Folks.
* Mr. Pin. But you love none better than me ?
Ars. Pin, You are my own dear Bud, and I know you, I hate a ſtranger.
247. Pin. Ay, my Dear, you muſt loveme only, and not belike thenan ty Town Wo-
men, who only hate their Husbands, and love every man elſe, love Plays, Viſits, fine
Coaches, fine Cloaths, Fiddles, Balls, Treats, and ſo lead a wicked Town-life.
Atrs. Pin. Nay, if 7m enjoy all theſe things "be a Town: -life, London is: not. {o bad a
place, Dear. |
Ar. Pin. How ! if you love me, you muſt hate London.
= | Alith. The Fool has forbid me diſcouvering to her the pleaſures ofthe Town, and he
. ©1s now ſetting her agog upon them himſelf,
Ars. Pin, But, Husband, do the Town-Women love the Flayer-men too.?
Atr. Pin. Yes, I warrant you.
Ari. Pin. Ay; warrant you.
Ar. Pin. Why, you do not, I hope.
» #- ' 41r5.Pin, No, no, Bu : but why have we no Player-menin -the Country ?
v A4. Pin, Ha -- Mrs. inx, ask me no more to goto a Play,
ye. Ars. Pin. Nay, why, Love ?? 1did not care for going 3 but when you forbid me, you
make as 'twere deſire it. |
2. Alith. So*twill be in other things, I warrant, | _— Aſia
z Ars. Pin. Pray let mego to a Play, Dear.
1:5 Hy. Pin. Hold your peace, I wo'not.
e- ; Ars. Pin. Why, Love.
k Ar. Pin, Why, VI-tell you.
of | Alith. Nay, if he tell her, ſhe give him more cauſe to forbid her that place-CAfde.
Mrs. Pin. Pray, why, Dear? &

Mr. Pin. Firſt; you like the Attors7 and the Gallants may like you. .
Ir Ars. Pin. What, a homely Country Girl ? no Bud, no body will like me.
a B © 24. Pir. Itell you, yes, they may.
24. Pin. No, no, you jeſt | won't believe you, Iwill go.
n Ar. Pin. Itell you then, that one of the Lewdeſt Fellowsin Town,who ſaw youwihere, |
'B told me he wasin love with you. - Y
18 ÞA475. Pin. Indeed !who, who, pray who was't ?
o-- | Ar. Pin. 've gone too far, and \lipt before [ was aware; how overjoy'd ſhES1 (Aſeae.
| Mrs. Pin, Was it ay Hampſhire Gallant, any of our Neighbours ? I promiſe you, I am
n:# beholding to him. 1

” As. Pin, 1 promiſe you, you lie, for he wou'd but ruin you, as he has done hundreds:;
he has no other love for Women, but that, ſuch as he, look fipon Women like Ns
is. | but to deſtroy 'em. |
| Mrs. Pin. Ay, but if he loves me, why ſhou'd he ruin me ? anſwer me to that :
thinks he ſhou'dnot, I wou'd do him no hone, | p- ;
3 th.
 LOI 3's at M4 0

12 The Country Wife. A

Alith. Ha, ha, ha. Wo 2 og : k
_ Ar. Pin, ?Tis very well ; but Pllkeep him from doing you any harm,or me either? .
Enter Sparkiſh and Harcourt,
* But here comes Company, get you in, get you in. | | RE ISS
Mrs. Pin. But pray Hnsband, is he a pretty Gentleman, thatToves me ! .
Ar. Pin, In Baggage. in. (Thruſts her in, «huts the door * b:
What, all the Lewd Libertines of the Town brought to my Lodging, by this caſie Cox- *
comb !$'death P11 not ſuffer it. | |
t, do you approv e my Choice ? Dear, little Rogue, I told you I'd . * iy
Spar. Here Harcour
bring you acquainted with all my Friends, the wits and— (Harcourt /alates her. .
Mr. Pin, Ay, they ſhall know her, as well as you your. ſelf will,Iwarrant you, -.
Spar. This is one of thoſe, my pretty, Rogue, that are to dance at your Wedding to +
morrow; and him you muſt bid welcome ever, to what you and I have, +
Ar. Pin. Monſterous ! | (Aſide.
"var. Harcourt how doſt thou like her, faith ? Nay, Dear, do notlook down ; 1 ſhould - *
-:te to have a Wife of mine'out of countenance-atany thing. . _ - |
"tr. Pin. Wonderfull !.
©. Yell me, I fay, Harcourt, how doſt thou like her ? thou haſt ſtar'd ypon her -.
enous.,", to reſolve me. ” |
Har. So infinely well, that I cowd wiſhI had a Miſtreſs too,. that might differ from
her in nothing, but her Love and Engagement to you. - .
Alith. Sir, Maſter Sparks has often told me, that tits Acquaintance wereall Wits and .
Raillieurs, and now I find it; | |
\ Spar. No, by the Univerſe, Madam, he does not railly now ; you may believe him : I
do aſſure you, he is the honeſteſt worthieſt, true-hearted Gentleman ——A Man of ſuch
*perfe& honour, he wou'd ſay nothing to a Lady, he does not mean.
Mr. Pin. Praiſing another Man to his Miſtreſs ! ' | >
Har. Sir. you are ſo beyond expettation obliging, that |
Spar, Nay, I gad, I am ſure you do admire her extremely, I ſee't in your Eyes ——--
He does admire you, Madata. — By.the World don't.you ? |
Har, Yes, above the World or, the moſt glorious part of it, her whole Sex ; and till
- now I never thought I ſhou'd have envied you, or any Man about to marry, but you have F
the beſt excuſe for Marriage Iever knew. :
Alith, Nay, now, Sir, I'm fatisfy*d.you are of the Socjety of theWits, and Raillieurs, . '
ſince you cannot fpare your Friend, even when he is but too civilto you ; but the ſureſt -
ſign is, ſince you are an Enemy to Marriage, for thatI hear you hate as much as buſineſs
» - or bad Wine. |
- Har. Truly, Madam, I was never an Enemy to Marriage, till now, becauſe Marriage
was never gn Enemy to me before,
- Alith. Bt, why, Sir, is Marriage an Enemy to you now ? Becauſe it robs you of your
Friend here ; for you look upon a Friend married as one gone into a Monaſtery, that is
dead to the VVorld. w | |
© Har. *Tis indeed, becauſe you marry him; I ſee Madam, you can gueſs my meaning
I do confeſs heartily and openly, I wish it were in my power to break the Match, by
Heavens I wou'd. | = h h |
Spar. Poor Frank ! |
Alith, VVou'd you be ſo unkind to me ?
 ; ee The Country W ife. WO 13
Har. No, no, *tis not becauſe I wou'd be unkind fo you.
Spar, Poor Frank,at0 gad, "yis only his kindneſs to me,
Pin.>Great kingiteſs to you indeed ; inſenſible Fop, let a Man make love to his Wife
to his Face?” TO | C Aſide.
Srar,ftome dear Frank, for all my Wife there, that shall be, thou shalt enjoy me ſome
.. times dear Rogne :. by my honour, we Men of wit condole for our deceaſed Brother in
: + + Marriage, as much as tor one dead in earneſt : I think that was prettily ſaid of me, ha,
= Harcourt? But come Frank, be not melancholy for me.
' Har. No Taflure you, lam not melancholy for you.
Spar, Prithee, Frank, doſt think my Wife that ſhall bethere a fine Perſon 2?
Har, T cow'd gaze upon her, till I became as blind as you are.
Spar. How, as I am ! how! | | |
Har. Becauſe you are a Lover, and true Lovers are blind,” ſtock blind.
Spar. True, true; but by the World ſhe has wit too, as well as beauty : go, go '
; = 1 her intoa corner, and try if ſhe has wit, talk to her any thing, ſhe's baſhfull be-
- JOTC ME, ' y ;

Har. Indeed if a Woman wants wit in a corner, she has it no where.

Alith. Sir, you diſpoſe 'of me a little before your time. - [Afode to Sparkish. -
Spar. Nay, nay, Madam let me have an earneſt of your obedience; or —£g0, £0, +
Madam | [Harcourt coxrts Alithea aſide.
P;z, How, Sir, if you are not concerned for the honour of a VVife, I am for that ofa
Siſter; he shall not Debauch her : be a Pander to your own VVife, bring men to her, let ®
**m make love before your face, thruſt *em into a corner together, then leave'*em in
private ! is this your Town wit and conduct ? |
Spar, Hah, ha, ba, a ſilly wiſe Rogue, wou'd make-one laugh more than a ſtark Fool, .
ha, ha ; I shall burſt. Nay you. $shall not diſturb *em; Pll vex thee, by the VVorld:
| CStruggles wit bPinch. ro keep him from Harcourt and Alith.
Alith. The writings are drawn, Sir, Settlements made ; 'tis too late, Sir, and paſt all--
revocation. #20
Har. Thenſois my death.
Alith. 1 wou'd not be unjuſt to him. -
Har. Then why to me ſo ?
Alith. 1 have no obligation to you.
Har. My love.
Alith, 1 had his before. Ly |
Har. You never had it; he wants you ſee jealouſie, theonly infallible ſign of it..
Alith. Love progeeds from eſteem; he cannot diſtruſt my virtue, beſides he loves me; -
or he wou'd nor marryme.. " |
Hair. Marrying you,'is no more fign of his love, than bribing your VVoman, that he.
may marry'you, Is a ſign of his generoſity - Marriage is rather a ſign of intereſt, than
love, and he that marries a Fortune, covets a Miſtreſs, not;loves her : But: if you take .'
Marriage for a ſign of love, takeit from me immediately. | |
Alith. No, now you have put a ſcruplein.my head ; but in short, Sir,:to end our dif-
pute, I muſt marry him, my Reputation would:ſuffer'in the VVorld elſe.
Har. No; if you do marry him, with your Pardon, Madam, your Reputation ſuffers
inthe VVorld, and you wou'd be thought in neceſlity for aCloak.
— VM Alith. Nay, :
 = 2 F : 2 A < 4 _ x + 44 S
. \ * k $85
G FP. |
od - bye. WW, 5 SES

14 The Conniry Wife,

Alith. Nay, now. you are rude, Sir.,——Mr, Sparkiſs, pray- come hither, your Friend
here is very troubleſom, and very loving, | ES
Hat. fold, hold, . [Aſide to Alithes,
Ady. Pin. DYye hear that ? " BY
Spar. Why, dC'ye think I'll ſeem to be jealous, like a Country Bumpkin ?-
Ax. Pin. No, rather be a Cucko!d, like a credulous Cit, | = IF |
Har. Madam, you wou'd not. have been fo little generous as to have told him, =
Alith. Yes, fince you cou'd be ſo little generous, as to wrong him. | Þ
Har. Wrong him, no man can do't, he's beneath an Injury ; a Bubble, a Coward, 4. -
— ſenſleſs Ideot, a Wretch ſo contemptible tov all the World but you, that -
- Alith. Hold, do not rail at him, for ſince he is like to be my Husband, I am reſolv'd
to like him : Nay. I think I am obliged to tet} him, you are not his Friend —Maſter Spar-
kiſh, Maſter Sparkiſh. |
Spar, What, what'; now dear Rogue has not ſhe wit? |
Her. Not ſo much as I thought, and hoped ſhe-bad. | (Speaks ſurbily.
Alith. Mr.” Sparkiſh, do you bring people to rail at you ?
Har. Madam ———— PR 4 |
Spar. How 1no ;'but if hedoesrail at me, *tis but in jeſt, Iwarrant; what we Wits do
for one another, and never take any notice of it. | |
Alith; He ſpoke ſo ſcurrilouſly of you, I had no patience to hear. him ; beſides, he has
been making love-to me.
w Har. True, damn'd tell-tale-Woman. | (Aſzae. *
* . Spar. Pſhaw, to ſhew his parts--- we Wits rail and make love often, but to ſhew our
; parts; as we have no'affeQtions; ſo we have no malice, we—
Alith. He ſaid you were a Wretch below an injury.
Spar. Pſhavy. |
Har. Damn'd, fenſleſs, impudent, virtuous Jade, well ſince ſhe won'tlet me have her,
ſhe'll do as good, ſhe'll make me hate her. |
* Aluh. A common Bubble.
Spar, Pſhaw.
Alith, A Coward.
Spar. Pſhaw, Pſhaw.*
Alith. A fenflefs drive!ing Ideot.
_ *Spark. How, did he diſparage my parts ? Nay, then my honour's concern'd, Ican't put
up that, Sir ; by the World, Brother, help me to kill him; (I may draw now, ſince we
| have the odds of kim :——'is a good occaſion too before my Miſtriſs)— Affiae.
| ; (Offers to draw.
Alith. Hold, hold. b
Spar, What, what. |
-Alith. 1 mult not let *em kill the Gentleman neither, for his kindneſs to me; I am ſo far
From hating him, that I wiſh my Gallant had his perſon and underſtanding
——
(Nay if mf honour —— | | [Aſide.
Spar. HI be thy death. -
Alith. Hold: hold, indeed to tell the truth, the Gentleman faid after all, that what he
poke,-was but out of Friendſhip to you. | |
Spar. How : ay, I am, I am a Fool, that is go whit outofFriendſhip to me.

—
Alith, Yes,
by,
 hs
The Country Wife.
Alith. Yes,to try whether I was concern'd enough for you, and make loveto| me only
to be ſatisfied of my virtue, for your ſake.
Har, Kind however— | | (Aſide.
Spar. Nay, if it were ſo, my dear Rogue, Iask thee pardon ; but why wou'd not you
tell me ſo, faith ? | :
Har. Becauſe I did not think or't, faith.
Spar. Come, Horner does not come, Harcourt let's be gone to the new Play,
—Come,
Madam. |
_ Alith. Iwillnot go, if you intend to leave me alone in the Box, and run into the Pit
as you uſe to do. | ,
Spar, Pſhaw, Tl leave Harcourt with you in the Box, to entertain you, and that”s as
oood ;if 1 fate in the Box, 1 ſhou'd be thought no Judge, but of Trimmings. — Come
away Harcourt, lead her down. — (Exemnt Sparkiſh, Harcourt, and Alithea.
' P;n. Well, go thy ways, for the flower of the true Town Fops, ſuch as ſpend their
Eſtates, before they come to 'em, and are Chckolds before they're married, But let me
20 look to my own Free-hold ——-. How -— - Has
Enter my Lady Fidget, Miſtreſs Dainty Fidget, and Miſtriſs Squeamitſh.
La. Fid.. Your Servant, Sir, where is your Lady ?we are come to wait upon her to the-
new Play. |
Pin. New-Play / |
La. Fid. And my Husband will wait upon you preſently.
Pin, Damn your. civility | (Aſide.
Madam, by no means, I wil] not ſee Str Jaſper here, till I have waited upon him at home:
nor ſhall my Wife ſee you, till ſhe has waited. upon your Ladyſhip at your Lodgings. ,
La.Fid. Now we are here, Sir —— | ; |
Fin, No, Madam.
Dain. Pray, let us ſee her.
Squeam, We will —_ till we ſee her.
Pin. A.Pox on youall ——— Aſide. | Goes to the do af
ſhe has lock'd the door, and is gone Cones - i",
La. Fid. No,. you have lock'd the door, and ſhe's within,
:Dain. They told us below, ſhe was here, | «
-Pin. (Will nothing do !)=——Well it muſt out then, to tell you the truth, La--.
dies, which ] was afraid to let -you know before, leſt it might endanger your lives, my -
Wite m juſt now - _—_ come 6 __ do not be frighten'd ; but pray, be-
one Ladies, .you ſhall not ſtay herggin danger of your Lives ; pray get you ies. -
: La. Fid. No, no, we have all haYem. . : TY OOO |
Scueam. Alack, alack'! | |
Dain. Gome, come, we muſt ſee how it goes with her, I underſtand the Diſeaſe.
La. Fid. Come. |
Pjn. Well, there is no being too hard for Womenat their own weapon, Lying, there---
fore Il] quit the Field, (Aſide.). | (Exit. Pinchwife,
Squcam, Here's anexample of jealouſie; | £4
La. Fid. Indeed as the World goes, I wonder there are no more jealous, fince Wives -
are ſo neglected. . 4
Dain. Pſhaw, as the World goes, to what end ſhou'd they be jealous ?
Lea. Fid. Foh, 'tis a naſty World. | +
Squeam...
 cs =P $2 I $4", ge le b-<c ron Ho
— L TT * "» .

= '* ap The Country Wife.

Squears, That Men of parts, great acquaintance, and quality, shou'd take upwith,and
ſpend themſelves and fortunes, in keeping little Play-houfe Creatures, foh.
La. Eid. Nay,that VVomen 'of underſtanding, great acquaintance, and good quality,
Shou'd fall a keeping to0 of little Creatures, foh.
Squean. VVhy, *tis the men of qualities fault, they never viſit woman of honour, and
reputation, as they us'd to do ; and have not ſo much as common civility, for Ladies of
oe rank, but uſe us with the ſame indifferency, and ill breeding, asif we were all mar-
ryd to em.
La: Fid. She ſays true, *tis an errant ſhame Women of Quality ſhou'd be ſo flighted;
methinks, birth, birth, ſhou'd go for ſomething ; I have known.men admired, courted,
| and follow'd for -their Titles only.
Squeam. Ay, one wou'd think Men of honour ſhou'd not love no more, than marry out
of their own rank.
Dain. Fye, fye upon *em, they are come to think croſs breeding for themſelves beſt
as well as for their Dogs, and Horſes. - *
La. Fjd. They are Dogs and Horſes for't,
Squcam, One wou'd think, if not for love for vanity alittle.
Dain. Nay.they do fatisfie their vanity yponus ſometimes; andare kind tous intheir
report, tell all the World they lie with us.
La. Fjd. Damn'd Raſcals, that we ſhou'd be only wrong'd by %em; toreport a Man
has had a Perſon, when he has not hada Perſon, is the greateſt wrong in the whole
World, that can be done to a. Perſon,
; k Squecn Well, *tis an errant ſhame, Noble Perſons ſhould be ſo wrong d, and neg-
e
La. Fjd. But ſtill *tisan erranter ſhame for a Noble Perſon, to negleR her own honour
and defame her own Noble Perſon, with little inconſiderable Fellows, foh!—
Dain. 1 ſuppoſe the Crime againſt our honour, 1s the ſame witha Man of quality, as
with another.
La. Fid. How |!no ſure, the Man of quality is likeſt one's Husband, and therefore the
fault ſhow'd be the leſs.
Dain. But then the pleaſure ſhowd be the leſs. |
La. Fid. Fye, fye, fye, for ſhame Siſter, whither ſhall we ramble ? be continent in your
. diſcourſe, or I hall bare you.
Dain. Befides an Intrigue is ſo much the more notorious for the Man's quality,
Squeam. *Tis true, no body takes notice of a private wan, and therefore with him, tis
more ſecret, and the crimes the Ieſs when *tis not kgown.
La. Fid. You ſay true;y”faith, I think you argyn the right ont : *tis not an Injury
to a Husband, till it be an injury to our honour; ſo that a Woman of honour loſes no
honour with a private perſon; and to ſay truth '— ——
Dain. So the little Fellow is grown a private Perſon —with her— [ Apart to Squeam:
La. Fid, But ſtill my dear, dear honour.
Fnter Sir Jaſper, Horner, Dorilant.
Sir Jaf."Big,my dear, dear of honour, thou haſt {till ſo much honour in thy mouth—
Hor. That ſhe has none elſewhere — —_
La. Fid. Oh, what d'ye meanto bring in theſe upon us?
Dain. Fob, theſe are as bad as Wits.
Squeam. Foh /
La. Fid,
 The Country Wiife..
La. Fid. Let us leave: the Room,
Sr. Faſ. Stay, ſtay, faith to tell you the naked truth.
La. Fid. Fye, Sir Jaſper, do not uſe the word naked. |
Sr. Fae Well, well, in ſhort Ihave buſineſs at Whiteha!, and cannot _ to the Play
with you, therefore wou'd have you-go
La. Fid. With thoſe two to a Play ?
4 Sr. Ja. No, not with Cother, but with Mr. Horner, therecan be no more ſcandal to
go with him, than with Mr. Ta:rle. or Maſter Limberham.
La. Fid, With that naſty Fellow! no no.
Sr. Jaſ. Nay, prethee _; here me. ClhiſperstoLady Fid.
For. Ladies, [Horner, Dorilant drawing near Squeamiſh and Daint.,
' Dain. Stand off.
Squeam. Do not approach us.
Daiat. You heard with the wits, you are obſcenity all over.
Squeam, And I wow'd as ſoon look upon a Picture of 4damand Eve,without fig-leaves
as any. of you, if I cou'd help it, therefore keep off, and do not make us fick.
Dor. What a Devil are theſe ?
For. Why theſe are pretenders to honour, as Criticks to Wit, only by cenſuring
others ;and as every raw, peeviſh, out-of-humour'd, affected, dull fyea-drinking, Arith-
' metical Fop ſets up for aWit, by railing at Men of ſenſe, ſo theſe for honour, bgailing
at the Court, and Ladies-of as great honour, as quality.
Fr. Jaf.: Come, Hr. Horner, | muſt deſire you to go with theſe Ladies to the P!BYs
SIr,. :
Hor. I Sir. I
Sr. Jaſ. Ay, ay, come, Sir.
Elor. .I muſt beg your pardon, Sir, and theirs, I will not be'ſeen in: Womens Company—
in. publick again for the World.
Sr. Jaſ. Ha, ha, ſtrange Averſion !
Sijueam, No, he's for Women's Company in private.
Sr. taſ. He --——— poor Man—— he! hah, ha, ha. |
| Dain. *Tis a greater ſhame amongſt lewd Fellows to be ſeen in virtuons Women! "ns
Company, than for the Women to be ſeen with them.
' Hor. Indeed; Madam, the time was I only hated virtuous Womenbut now Thate the |
other too; I beg your pardon Ladies.
La. Eid. You are very obliging, Sir, becauſewe wou'd not be troubled with y) Ou.
Sr. Jaſ. In ſober ſadneſs he ſhall go.
. Dor. Nay, if he wo'not,.I am ready. to wait upon the Ladies;z and think I am the
fitter Man.
_ Sr. Jaf. You, Siv,noT thank you for that— Maſter Horner isa Privileg'd Man amongſt
the virtuous Ladies, *twill bea great while before you areſo ; heh, he, he, he's my..
-Wive's Gallant, heh, he, he; no pray. withdraw, Sir, for as1 take it, the virtuous La-
dies,. have no! buſineſs with you. ;
Dor. And I am ſure he can have none with them;tis ſtrange:a Man cant coheamonatt
virtuons Women now, but upon the ſame terms,as Men are admitted into the great Turk's.
Seraglio; but Heavens ue me, from being an hombre Player with '*em; but where is.
Pincbnifs CExit, Dorilant

D | | Sr. af.

UMI)
18 The Conitry Wife.
Sr. Faſ. Come;come;Man, what avoid the ſweet ſociety of Woman-kind ? that ſweet,
ſoft, gentle, tame, noble Creatute Woman, made for Man's Companion
——
> Hor. S01s that ſoft, gentle, tame and more noble Creature a Spaniel, and has all
* their tricks, can-fawn,
liedown, ſuffer beating, and fawn the more ; barks at your
* Friends, when they come toffee you ; makes your Bed hard,' gives you Fleas, and the
' mange ſometimes - and all the difference 1s, the Spanie!'s the more faithful Animal, and
fawns but-upon one Maſter, * |
Sr. Fa/. Neh, he, he.
Squeam. O the rude Beaſt,
Dain. Inſolent Brute. © Da |
La. Fid. Brute ſtinking mortify'd rotten French Weather, to dare
' Sr. Jaſ. Hold, awt pleaſe your Ladyſhip ;for ſhame, Maſter Horner, your Mother was
a Woman —-(Now ſhall I never reconcile 'em) (.4fide.) Hark you, Madam, take my
advicein your anger ; you know, you often want one to make up your droling pack of
bombre Players; and you may cheat him eaſily,for he's anill Gamefter, and conſequent.
ly loves play; Beſides you know, you have but two old civil Gentlemen (with ſtinking
breaths too) to wait upon you abroad, take in the third, into your ſervice ; the other are
bat crazy ; and a Lady ſhou'd havea ſupernumerary Gentleman Uther, as a ſupernumera-
ry Coach- horſe, leſt ſometimes you ſhow'd be forc'd to ſtay at home.
La. FM. But are you ſure he loves play, and has money ?
Sr. Jaſ. He loves play as much as you, and has money as much as I,
La. Fid. Then 1 am contented to make him pay for his ſcurrility , mpney makes up in *
- a meaſure all other wants in Men - Thoſe whom we cannot oakOFold for Gallants, |
we make fine. Re | - [ Afae.
Sr. Jaſ. So. ſo ; now to mollifie, to wheedle him, ———- | [Afrae.
Maſter Horner will you-never keep civil Company, methinks *tis time now.fince you are
_ only fit for them : Come, come, Man you muſt e'en fall to viſiting our Wives, eating at
our Tables, drinking Tea with aur virtnous Relations after dinner, dealing Cards to'em,
reading Play s, and Gazetts to'em, picking Fleas out of their-Shocks for *em, colle&ing
Receipts, New Songs. Women, Fages, and 'Footmen for 'em.
* Hor: I hope they'll afford me better Employment, Sir.
Sr. Jafe Heh, he, he, 'tis fit you know your work before you come into your place ;
- and ſince you are unprovided of a Lady to flatter, and a good houſe to eat at, pray fre-
_ mine, and call my Wite Miſtreſs, and ſhe ſhall cajl you Gallant, according to the
cuſtom. | F | 24 ih, |
Hor. Who I? - : 2 ; | |
Sr. Faſ. Faith, thun ſha't for my ſake, come for my ſake only.
Hor. For your ſake |
Sr. F-ſ. Come, come, here's a Gameſter for you, let himbe a little familiar ſometimes; -
nay, what if a little rude ; Gameſters may be rude with Ladies, you know. "
La. Fid. Yes, loling Gameſters have a priviledge with Women.
Hor, 1 always thought the contrary, that the winning Gameſter had moſt priviledge
with Women ; for when you have loſt your money toa Man, you'll lofe any thing you
have, all you have, they fay, and he may vſe you as hepteaſes. ©, 2 98
Sr. Jaſ. Heh, he, he, well, win or loſe, you' ſhall have your liberty with her.
: La. Fid. As he behaves himſelf;and for your ſake, Pll give him admittance and free-
om,
Hor. All
 The Country Wife. 19.
Eor. All ſorts of freedom, Madam ? | A
all ſorts of freedom thou cantt taxe, and fo go to her, begin |
Sr. Faſ. Ay, ay, ay, with
thy net imployment ; wheedle her, jeſt with her, and: be-better acquainte d one |
|
another,
Hor. 1 think 1 know her already, therefore may -venture with her, my ſecret for
hers —— | - [ Afae.
| © * CHorner, and Lady Fidget whiſper.
Sr. Fa. Siſter Cuz, I have provided an innocent Play-fellow for you there.
—

Dain. Who, he !
Squeam, There's a Play-fellow indeed. ; | |
Sr. Jaſc Yes ſure, what, he is good enough to play at Cards, Blindman's-buff,, or the
fooL with fometimes. | |
Squeam. Foh, we'll have no fuch play-fellows.
' Dain. No, Sir, you ſhan't chuſe play-fellows-for us, we thank you. @=__ |
Sr. Jaſ. Nay; pray-hear me. [Whiſpering tothem.
of honour,
La. Fid. But, poor Gentleman, cou'd you be ſo generous ? ſo truly a man ?
as for the ſakes of us Women of honour, to cauſe your ſelf to be reported no Man
greateſt ſhame that cow'd fall upon a asMan, that
No Man ! and to ſuffer your ſelf the your converſation 3 but indeed, SIr, perfeCt-- |
none might fall upon us Women by
. Iy, perfetly, the ſame Man as before your going into Frarce, Sir ; as perfectly, per- |
tectly, Sir.
: Hhr. As perfeQtly, perfeRaly, Madams. nay, I ſcorn you ſhou'd take my word ; I de--
re to be tri'd only, Madam. | | |
of honour deſire to*® |
La. Fid. Well, that's ſpoken again like a Man of honour, all Men
come to the teſt : But indeed, generally you Men report ſuch things of yorr ſelves, one
does not know how, or whomto believe ;andit is come tothat paſs, we darc not take
your words ag more than your Taylors, without ſome ſtaid Servant of yoursbebound |
dear, dear, noble Str, that I'd- 1
with you ; bntT haveſo ſtrong a faith in your honour, WE
forfeit mine fox yours at any time, dear Sir. 5
Hor. No, Madam, you ſhou'd not need to forfeit it for me, I have given you ſecurity
well known in the World,. |}
—hr to ſaye you harmleſs, my. late reputation being ſo
1zdam. | be
La. Fid. Butifupon any future falling aut, or upon a-fuſpicion of ,my taking the * |
truſt out of owe, =4-m to employ _ other, = your ſelf ſhow'd betray your
mean, if you'll give me leaveto ſpeak obſcene ly, you might tell,
truſt, dear Sir ; 1 . —
ear Sir, c £5200
Hor. If I did, no body.woy'd believe me;the reputation of 4mpctency is 95 hardly:re-
covered again in the World, as tht of cowardiſe, dear Madam. . 3.8 -
La. Fid; Nay-then, asone may ſay, you may do your wcrſt, dear, dear, SI." _. _
on.matters 7
Sr. Faſ. Come,isyour Ladyſhip reconciled to him yet ? have you agreed
for I muſt be gone to Whitehall. thouſand timesa w_
La. Fid, Why indeed, Sir Jaſper, Maſter Horner 15-4 thonſand, hirg now, = Y,
ter Man, than I thought.him: Cozen Squeami ſh, Siſter Dainty, |can name
w—o
not long ago you know, I thoyght-his very name obſcenity, and I wou'd as _ |
— S—_ as have nanrd him. iy
_ Sr, Ja, .Very likely, poor Madam.
Dain, 1 believe "Si $ queam: |}
D 2
 20 | | The Conntry Wife.
_
Squeam. No doubt on't ous as any ſhe, —— T know,
Sr. Jaſp. Well, well— that your Ladyſ hip is as virtr
* and him all the Town knows ——heh, he, he ; therefore now you like him, get you
- gone to your bulineſs together; go, go, to your bulineſs, 1 ſay, pleaſure, whilſt I go to
- mypleaſure, buſineſs. my | |
La. Fid. Come then dear Gallant.
Hor, Come away,
my deareſt Miſtreſs.
Sr. Faſ. So, ſo, why, *tis as I'd have It. | [Exit Sir Jaſper.
'Hor. And as I'd have it. .
La. Fid.. Who for his buſineſs, from his Wife will run , |
Takes the beſt care, to have her buſineſs done: LExennt omnes.
=_—

5 ::"ACTW $SCENE--L
_ Alithea and-Ars. Pinchwife,
Alith.C\1ſter, what ailes you, you are'grown melanaholy ?
'Þ Ars. Pin. Wou'd it not make any one melancholy, to ſee you go every day
fluttering about abroad; whilſt 1 muſt- ſtay
at home like a poor lonely, ſullen Bird in a
Cage / | |
liek. Ay, Siſter, but you came young, ang juſt from the neſt to your cage, ſo that 1
thonght you ljk'd it ; and cov'd be as cheerfull int, as others that took their flight them-
ſelves early, and are hopping abroad in the open Air, - | Ys
* Mrs.Pin, Nay, I confeſs I was quiet enough,till my -Husband told me, what pure lives
the London Ladies live abroad, with their dancing, meetings, and junketings, and dreſt
every day in their beſt Gowns ; andI warrant you, play-at Nine-Pins every day of the
week, ſothey do. | | th
Enter Mr. Picchwife.
Mr. Pin. Come, what's here todo ? you are putting the Town pleaſures in her head
and ſetting her a longing. |
|_ Yes, after Nine pins ; you ſuffer none to give her thoſe lopgings, you mean, but
our ſelf.
: Atr: Pin. 1 tell her of the vanities of the Town, like a Confeſlſor.
Alith. A Confeſſor ! juſt ſach a Conteſſor, as he that by forbidding a filly Oſtler, to
greaſe the Horſe's teeth, taught him. to do't. |
Ar. Pin. Come Miſtreſs Flippant, good Precepts are loſt, when bad Examples are ſtill
\ before ns ; the liberty youttake 2broad-makes her hanker after it; and out.of humour at
home, poor Wretch ! 'ſhe-deſired not to come to Lovdon, I wou'd bring her.
AMlirh, Very Welk=-! tu 1n6s oh PEA GNy ft ARR OTR PS EDITED
* + Pjn, Sh has been this week in' Town, and never deſired, tillthis afternoon,togo
abroad, wo
Alith. Wasfhe not at a Play yeſterday ? - | \ |
Mr, Pin. &es, but ſhe ne'er asKd me.; .I was my ſelf the cauſe of -her going... _ -.
ws. Then if ſhe ask-. you again, you-are: the cauſeof her asking, and not my
ex2mPp ©, . qt 12; PW Rig Ef 2 oy Et4 Fade of

Ar. Pin. Well, to morrow night I ſhall be rx of' 'your 7, -8r:4 he 'hext” day; be-
fore *tis light, ſhe and FIl be rid of the Town, and my dreadful apprehenfions:
#t | IS Come,
 * 0 *'
The Country Wife. ; 21
Come, be not, melancholy, for thou ſhalt 80 into the Country after to morrow.
Deareſt,
Alith, Great comfort.
rs. Pin. Piſh, what d'ye tell me of the Country for?
Mrs. Pin, How's this! what, piſh at the Country?
Ars. Pin, Let mealone, Iam not well.
Ar. Pin. O, if that be all
— what ailes my deareſt ?
Hrs. Pin. Truely, 1 don't know; butI have not been well, ſince you told me there
was 2 Gallant at the Play 1
in Love with me.
Ur. Fin. Ha ——-
4lith. That's by my example too.
Mr. Pin. Nay, it you are notwell, but are ſo concern'd, becanſea lewd Fellow chanc'd
to lye, and fay he lik'd you, youll make me ſick too.
Mrs. Pia, Of what ſickneſs ? |
Mr. Pin. O, of that which is worſe than the Plague, Jealouſje.,
A Mrs. Pin. Pith, you jear, I'm ſure "there's no ſuch diſeaſe in our Receipt-book at
ome.
Ar; Pin. No, thou never met'ſt with it, poor innocent— well, if thou Guckold
me, twill be my own fault-—for Cuckolds and Baſtards, are generally makers of their
own fortune. LAfide.
+ Airs, Pin, Well, but pray Bud, let's go to a Play to night.
Ar, Pin, "Tis juſt done, ſhe comes from it; but why are you ſo eager to ſeea Play? |
| 1rs, Pin, Faith, Dear, not that I careone pin for their talk there ; but I like to look -
' upon he Player-men, and wou'd ſee, if lcou'd., the Gallant you ſay loves me:; that's all
dear Bu
Zr. Pin. Is that all dear Bud?
Alith. This proceeds from my Example.
71s. Pin. But if the Play be done, let's goabroad however, dear Bud.
Mr. Pin. Come, have little patience, and thon ſhalt go into the Conntry on Friday.
24rs. Pin, Therefore I wou'd ſee firſt ſome lights, to tell my Nz1ghburs of ':Nay, I
will go abroad, that's once.
Alth. Pm the cauſe of this deſire too. ;
Mr. Pin. But now 1 think on't, who, who was the cauſe of Homer's coming to my
Lodging to day? that was you.
Alith. No, -you, becauſe you wou'd not let him ſee your handſome VVife cutof your
Lodging.
Ars. Pin, VV hy, O Lord ! did the Gentlemarcome hither to ſee me indeed?
Mr. Pin, No, no- — You are not the cauſe of that damn'd queſtion too Miſtriſs
Atithea ? . [Well ſhe's in the right of it; he is in love with my Wife —- and
comes after her —?tis ſo -— but Pl..nip his love in the bud; leſt he ſhowd follow vs 4
into the Conntry,and break his Chariot-wheel near our houſe ,0Npurpoſe foran excuſe to |}
come to't ; but 1 think 'T know the Town. ' (Aſrae.
Mrs. Pin, Come, {Pray Bud, terS g0's
abroad before ris late ;3 for I will 89, that's flat
and'plain.- «*
He Pin. SO :thedbſtinacyalready ofthe\Town-wife, andImuſt, Whilſt the?g bger
Injmoeur” hefUike'one (Hſe.
Siſter7 nn ſhall\we do, that ſhemay not be ſeen, or lis ?
Alith, Let
> 22 The Country Fife: .
Ach. Let her paton her Mask. | Foc ' | ED
M-;. Pin, Pſhaw, 5 Mak makes people but the moreinquiſitive, and Bs as ridiculous a
diſguiſe as a ſtage-beard ; her ſhape, ſtature, habit will be known ;, and if we ſhowd
meet with Horner, he wow'd be ſure to take acquaintance with us, muſt wiſh her joy,
kiſs her, talk to her, leer upon her, and the Devil and all ;. no, I'Il not uſe her to a
Mask, 'tis dangerous ; for Masks have made more Cuckolds, than the beſt faces thatever
' vere known. EO |
Alith. How will you do then ? |
_ Pin. Nay, ſhall we go? the Exchange will be ſhut, and I have a mind to ſee:
tnar, EW:
Ar. Pin. SO———T have it -—- F'{] drafs her up in the Suit, we are to carry down
to her Brother, little Sir Zame: ; nay, I underſtand the. Town tricks : Come, let's go
dreſs her; a Mask no a Woman mask'd, likea cover'd Diſh, gives a Man cu-
_ riolity, and appetite, when, it may be, uncovered, 'twou'd turn his ſtomach; no, no.
A'tth. ——_ compariſon is ſomethinga greaſie one : but I had a gentle Gallant;
1s?d to ſay, a Beauty masKd, like-the Sun in Eclipſe, gathers together more gazers*
+ than ir it ſhin'd out.. [Exeunt.
\ _ -Tþe Scene changes to the New Exchange : Enter Hooner, Harcourt, Dorilant.
Dor. Engag'd to Women, and not Sup with us ?
Hr. Ay, a Pox on *em all. h
Har. You were much more a reaſonable Man in the morning, and had as noble reſo-
\Tations agaiult *em, as a Widower of a-weeks liberty.
-. .- Dor. Did Iever think, to ſee you keep company with Women in vain?
+ #br. Invain !no———'tis, fince I cair't love *em, to be reveng'd on?em.
Har. Now your Sting is gone, you look'd in the-Box amongſt all thoſe Women, like
a-drone in the Hive, all upon you; ſhov'd and ill vs'd by %em all, and thruſt from one
tide toto'ther. - - | ; ;
D9-r, Yet hemulſt be buzzing amongſt em ſtill, like other old Beetle-keaded, lycoriſh
drones ; avoid *em, and hate 'em as they hate you. :
| Hp. Becauſe.I do hate 'em, and wou'd hate ?em yet more, Pl frequent *em ; you
may ſee by Marriage, nothing makes a man hate a Woman more, than her conſtant con-
verſation : In ſhort, I converſe with *em, as you do with rich Fools, to laugh at 'em
and uſe *em all. | |
Dor. Bnt Iwou'd no more Sup with Women, unleſs I cow'd lie with 'em, then Sup,
with a rich Coxcomb unleſs 1 cow'd cheat hitn. Oy
Her. Yes, I have known thee Sup witha Fool, for his drinking, if he cowd ſet out:
your hand that way. only, you were ſatisfy'd ;and.ifhe.were:;a Wine-ſwallowing mouth
"Twas enough, 64 > 6:3. ROE
Har. Yes, a Man drinks-often with @+Fool, as he toſſes with.a Marker, only to keep
his hand in Ure ;_ but do the Ladies drink? , | IG
Hor. Yes, Sir, and I ſhall have the pleaſure at leaſt of- laying *em flat with a Bottle;
and bring as much ſcandal that way upon'em, as formerly tother.
Har. Prehaps you may prove as weak..a Brother amongſt *em, as formerly Yother..
Dor. Foh, drinking with Women, is as unnatural, as ſcolding with *em ; but *tis a:
of decay'd Farnicators, and.the baſeſt way of quenching Love. --
pleaſure _ |
Har. Nay, 'tis drowning Loye, inſtead of quenching it ; but leaveus.
for civikWo-:
mentoa./ Yo
FS,
#h &
Dor. Ay,.
 The Country Wife. = $5.
Dor. Ay, when he can't be the better for'em ;, we hardly pardon a Man, that. leaves
his Friend for a Wench, and that's a pretty lawful call. _—
-Hor. Faith, 1 wou'd not leaveyou for 'em, if they wou'd. not drink. .
Dor. Who wou'd -1"©rI Company at Zewz's, for a Goſfliping?
Har, Foh, Wine andWomen good apart, together as nauſeous as Sack and Sugar : Bux
hark you, Sir, before you go, a little of your advice, an old maim'd General, when unfit
for 2Qtion, is fitteſt for Couniel; I have other deſigns upon Women, than eating and
drinking with them : I am 1n love with Sparkish's Miſtriſs, whom he is to marry to mor-
row, now how ſhall I get her ? _ |
5 Enter Sparkiſh, looking abour,
.Hor. Why, here comes one will help you to her. |
Har. gel he, I tell yon, is my Rival, and will hinder my love. .
Hor, No, a foulift Rival, and a jealous Husband afliſt their Rivals deſligns-z for
they are- ſure to maketheir Women hate them, which is the firſt ſtep to their love for
another Man. | | Eq
Har. But I cannot come near his Miſtreſs,
but in his Compan y.
Hor. Stillthe better for you, for Fools are molt eafily cheated, when they themſelves
are acceſſaries ; and he is to be bubbled of his Miſtreſs, as of his Money, the common
Miſtreſs, by keeping him company. | -
Spar. Who is that, that is tobe bubbled? Faith let me ſnack, Ihan't met with a bub-
ble {ince Chriſtmas -*gad, I think bubbles are liketheir Brother Woodcocks, go out with
the cold weather. | | |
Har. A Pox, hedid not hear all I hope. | [Apart to Horner. +.
Spar. Come, you bubbling Rogues you, where do we Sup- Oh, Harcourt, my _
Miſtreſs tells me, you have been making fierce love to her all the Play lonz, hah, ha
—butl] %
Har, 1 make love ta her ? +
Spar. Nay,I forgive thee ; for I'think, I know thge, and Iknow her, but I amſure
| : FT
I know my ſelf.
Har. Did ſhe tell you ſo ? I ſee all Women are like theſe of the Exchange, who, to
enhance. the price of their commodities, report to their fond Cuſtomers offers which
were never made 'em, T
Hor. Ay, Women areapt totell before the intrigue,as Menifter it,and ſo ſhew them-
ſelves the vainer Sex ; but haſt thou a Miſtreſs, Sparkiſh ? *tis as hard for me to believe
it, as that thou ever hadſt a bubble, as you barg'd juſt now. |
t Spar. O, your Servant, Sr , .are you at your raillery, Sir ? but we are ſome of us be-
fore-hand with you to day at the Play : the Wits were ſomething bold with you, Sir ;
did you not hear us laugh ? : : :
Har. Yes, But I thonght you had gone to Plays, to laugh at the Poets Wit, not
at your own: : | |
Spar. Your Servant, Sir, no Ithank you ; *gad I goto a Play as to a Country
Iſhou'dtreat,
nor
I carry my own Wine to one, and my, own Wit to t'other, or elſe I'm ſure
be merry at either ; and the reaſon why we areſo often lowder than the Players, is, be-
cauſe we think we ſpeak moxe wit, andſo become the, Poets Rivals in his andience : for
to tell yon the truth, we hate the ſilly Rogues ; nay, ſo much, , that we'find faulteven.
with their Bawdy upon the Stage, whilſt we talk nothing el{& in the Pit as loud,
Hor,
24 i The. Corntry Wife.

Hor. But, why ſhould'ſt thou: hate the filly Poets, thon haſt too much wit to be
' one, and they like Whores are only hated by each other ; and thou duſt ſcorn writing,
Pm ſure. : .
Spar, Yes, Pd have.you to know, I fcorn writing ;. but Wamen, Women, that make
' Men do all fooliſh things, make *em write Songs too ; every body does. It ;..'tis ev'n as
common with Lovers, as playing.with fans ; and you can no more help. Rhyming to your.
\. Phillis, than drinking to your PIntR. SEE”, |
Har, Nay Poetry in love is no more to be a voided than jealouſte. + V

Dor. But the Poets damn'd your Songs, did-they ?

Spar. Damn the Poets, they turn'd **m-intoBurleſque; as they.call it ; that Burleſque
1sa Hoces Pocus trick, they have-got, which by the virtue of Hixins doxins, ropſcy rur-
vey, they make a wiſe and witty Man in the World, a Fool upon. the:Stage:you know
* not how; and *tis therefore I hate *em too, for I know not but-it may be my own caſe;
for they'll put a Man into a Play for looking a Squint : Their Predeceſſors were conten--
ted to make Serving-men only their Stage-Fools, but theſe Rogues muſt have. Gentle-
' men, with a Pox to.*em, nay Knights; and indeed you ſhall hardly ſee a Fool upon the
\ Stage, but he's a Knight ; and to tel] you the truth, they have kept me theſe fix years
|'om being a Knight in earneſt, for fear of being Knighted in a Play, and dubb'd a.
Fool. . i |
Dor. Flame *em nat, they muſt follow in their Copy, the Ape. ; |
Har. But why ſhou'dit thou be afraid of being in a Play, whoexpoſe your ſelf every
day in the Play-houſes, and at publick Places. / |
Hor. *Tis but being on the Stage, inſtead of ſtanding on a Bench-in the Pit, +
= -" Dor. Don't you give Money to Painters to draw you like ? andare youafraid of your
*. PiAures, at Jengthin a Play-houſe, where all your Miſtreſſes may ſee. you.
- Spar. A. Pox, Painters don't draw the ſmall Pox, or Pimples in onesFace; come damn.
all your ſilly Authors what-ever, al Books and Bookſellgrs, by the World, and all Rea-
ders, courteous or uncourteous. - Fr ; |
Har. But, who comes here, Spaxkiſh? | |
Enter My, Pinchwite, and his Wife in Man's Cloaths, Alithea, Lucy her Mid.
Spar.” Oh hide me, there's my Miſtreſs too. ['Sparkiſh hides himſelf behind Harcourt:
© -Har. She ſees you. = |
Spar. But I will not ſeg her, *tis time to go to Whitchall,and I muſt not fail the draw-
t1Z Room. ; :
® Har. Pray, firſt carry me, and reconcile me to her.
Spar. Another time, faith the King will haveſup'r, | Ta
' Har. Not with the worſe ſtomach for thy abſence ;, thon art one of thoſe Fools, that
think their attendance at the King's Meals, as neceſſary as his phyſicians, when you are
more troubleſome to him, than his DoQtors, or his Dogs.
Spar. Pſhaw, I know my Intereſt, Sir, prethee hide me.
Hor. Your Servant, Pinchwife, ——what he knows us not.
Ar. Pin. Come along. CERT ” TEPTA | | . LTo hu Wife aſide.
Ars. Pin. Pray, have yon any. Ballads, give-me fix,penny worth ?
Claſp. We have no Ballads. © oaroges”” a
»Mrs: Pix. Then give me Covent-Garden-Droltery, and a Play or two—Oh here's Ta-
”S

x«gos Wiles, and the Slighted Maiden, I'll.have them. | |

Mr. Pin.
 The Conntry Wife. | 2H
"Fr. Pin, No, Plays are not for your reading; come along, wilt you diſcover your
ſelf? * [Apare to ber. -
Hor. Who is that prety Youth with him, Sparkiſh>
Spar. I helieve his Wives Brother, becanſe he's ſomething _ her, bur I 'never ſaw
her but once. | :
Hor. Extremely handſom, I have ſeen. a face like ittoo; po” follow **m.
PG Pinchwife, Miſtreſs Pinchwife, "1
Alithea, Lucy, Horner, Dortlant following them.
'Har. Come, Srwkih,.your Miſtreſsſaw you, and will be angry you go not to her; be.
ſidesIwou'd fain be reconciled to her, which none but you can do, dear Friend. ++
Spar. Well that's a better reaſon, dear Friend, | wou'd nor 'gornear her now, for hers,
or my own fake, but I can deny you nothing; for though 1 have: known thee: a great
while, never go, if I do not love thee, as well as a new acquaintance. |
Har. 1 am oblig'd to you indeed, dear Friend, 1 wou'd be well with her only, to be
well with thee ſtill,for theſe tyes to Wives uſvally diſſolveall tyes to Friends: I wov'd
be conteared, ſhe ſhon'd enjoy you a-nights, but I wou'd have you to my ſelfa-days, as1
have had, gear Friend.
Spar. And thon ſhaltenjoy me a-days, dear Friend, never ſtir; and. Til be Uivor-
ced from her, ſaoner than from thee ; come along
Har. So,we-are hard put to't, when we make our Rival ourProcurer; but neither ſhe,
nor her Brother, wou'd let me come near her now :when all's done, a Rival is the beſt.
_ cloak to ſteal toa Miſtreſs under, without ſuſpicion. and when we have once gor toher
as wedeſire, we throw him offlike other Cloaks.. [ Afode.
LExit Sparkiſh, and Harcourt following hint,
Re-enter Mr. Paachwife, Mrs. Pinchwife in Man's Cloaths.
AM. P:;n. Siſter, if you will not go, we muſt leave: you | ' [To Alithez.
Lhe Foolher Gallanr, and ſhe, will muſter up all tt e young Santerers of this place; and
they will leave their dear Semſtre..es to follow us ;
: what 2 ſwarm of Cuckolds, -and
Cuckold-makers are here ? .. . . [han
Come; let's be gone Miſtreſs Margery.
Mrs. Pin, Don't you believe that, ting”t half my belly ful} ofſights yet.
MraPin. Then walk: this way.:
Mys, Pin. ord; what a power of brave Signsare here? ſtay — the Bull's-head, the
Ram?s-head, and the Stag's head, Dear
AMr. Pin, "Nay,if every Husband's proper Sign hore'ywere
om they:you'd be all
| like.
Mvs, Pin, What d'ye.mean by thet, Bud7?
Atr. Pin, 'Tis na matter
— no matter, Bud.-
\Mrs. Pm. Pray tell me ; nay, 1 will know,
Mr. Pin, They wou'd be all Bulls, Stags, and Rams-heads,
CExennt Mr, — Mrs. Pinchwaife.
! - -».,Ke enter Sparkiſh, Horcourt, Alithea, Lucy, at father door,” +
| Spar, Come, dear Madam, for my ſake you ſhall be reconciled. to-him.
Alith. For your!
ſakeI hate him, LO
' Har, —_ famething to9-ervel, Madam, to hate me, for his ſake, T;
we dba, 7 199 cruel to me, to TROY Friendfor my fake
at- E _ Mlb.
 26: The. Country IWife. ,
Alith.” 1 hate him;becauſe he-is your Enemy ;and: you ovght to hate him too, for ma-
- king love t6 me, if you love me.
Spar. That'sa good one, I hate a Man for loving you; ifhe did love you, *tis buf what
he can't help; and 'tis your ' favle, not his, if-he admires you : I ifatea Man forbeing of
my opinion, I'll neer do#t, by the World. |
Ahbth. Isisfor-yout honour or mine, to:thffer a'Man-to make loveto me,who am to
marry you to'Morrow? .* © 5} v4
'” Spar.y{$4t-for your honour or'mine, to have me jealous?That he makes love to you,
\ Is a Ggn- yoy are handſome: ; an that lam not fealous; is aogy you are- vertuous, thatTI
- think is faryont honours © 47 2 ;
Ah." Bur*tis your: honour: 06,Lam concerned "aa |
” THab, But why;;deazeſt Madam, willyou be:more concern'd for his honour, than heis..
© himſelf; let his honour alone for my fake, and his, he, he, has no honour ——_
Spar. How's that?-
_ But what, my deat: Friend can guard hiavſelf, -
: O-ho—« that's. right again.
= Your care of. his honour argues his negle& of it,'whicteis no honogr to my-
- dear Friend Here þtherefore-: once, ore”ber his honourgo which, way it wyll, dear |
* Madam.
Span. Aypay; were it for-my' 'box6ur: tomarry a Woman, whoſe virtue 1 ſupected,
- and cord not; truſt her in'a Friend*s'hands
? ©'
”- YHith. Arc you not afraid to loſe me ?
__ - Hat. Heafraid: to loſe you, Madam !' No,. no——— you may ſee how "the moſt
Tbs and moſt me Urenyve In"the Wot 1d, is valued by him; will you not-
ee-it ?*
FL. wo'Right, honeſt Frask, Thave that noble value forher, that I cannot be jealous
You miſtake him, he means you care not for me, nor who has me.
*'Tpar.* 2a, Madamg1 ſee you are Jealous; will you wreſtA Poor man's m_—_ from
1s words?
Alith. You aſtoniſhi'me, Sir, with youriwant of 'jealoul!e.
Spar, And you make me» giddy, Madam, with your jealouſte and* Nan FP virtue;
_—honour; 'gid;' I ſee virtue makes a Woman as troubleſome, as'a little
—_ or
earnin
Pg Monſterovs / - | |
Lucy. {Well to ſee what eafie Husbards theſe Women of Quality can
« meet with; a
® or Chamber-maid can. never have ſuch Lady-like luck; beſideshe's thrown away upon
*her, ſhe'll make no uſe of her fortune, her bleſſing: none ro aGentleman, for a pure Cuc-
kold, for it requires good breeding to bea Cockold! 7 2 he [Behind.
Alith. 1 tell you then Plaltly, he purſhes me to marry me. - v2" 1
Spar. Pſhaw———"" ="
Har. Come, Madam, youſe you ſtrivein vain w mabe him: jealous of
me ;; flyGear
Friend is the kindeſt Creaturoia the World to me. i 3.598 06h
Spar, Poor fellow. rtil-9736 | 9:45} 7
' Har. But his kindneſs onlyis'ndt enongh for' nie, -itaroar fvodetv1 yolr.good
opinion, deat Madam, ”tis thit-awoſt perfe& my-happ ; hobelre
all I iy ; wou'd you wou'd do ſo, jealous of me! I wou 4 not wrong him nor you for
the World. | Spar. Look
 The Country Wife. 27
"Spar. Look you there; hear him, hear him, and do not walk away ſo, |
CAlithea walks careleſſy to ondfro.
Har. I love you, Madam, ſo |
Spar, How's that I'Nay ——— now you bucks to go £0o far indeed: * NT?
Her. So much I confeſs, 1 ſay 1 love you, that I wou'd not have you miſerable; and
caſt your ſe?f _— upon ſo unworthy and inconſiderablea thing, as what you ſee here.
{.C lapping his hand on his breaſt, points at Sparkilh.
Spar. No, faith, I believe thou wou'dſt not, now his meaning is plain3bur't knew be-"
"forethou wou'dſt not wrong me, nor her.
Har. No, no, Heavens forbid, "theGlory of her Sex ſhou'd fall fo low; as into the en-
'braces of ſuch a contemptible Wretch, the leaſt of mankind——mhy,dear Friend here
————
1 injure him CEmbratirg Sparkiſh.
Alith. Very well. |
. ©Spar, No, no, dear Friend, I knew it :Madam, you ſee he wHll retheis wrong himſelf
than me, in giving himſelf ſach names. | |
ith. Do not you underſtand him yet?
par. Yes how modeſtly he ſpeaks of himſelf, poor Fellow,
* Alith. Methinks he ſpeaks impudently of your ſelf, ſince— --before yourſelf too; in-
Comick that Canao longer ſuffer his ſcurrilous abuſiveneſs to you: 'rio more than his love.
to me. {Offers t0 e0.
© Spar, Nay, nay,;, Madam, pray ſtay, his love to you: Lord, Madam, has he not ſpoke
yet plain enovgh? 7
Alith. Yes indeed, I ſhou'd think fo.
Spar. Well then, by the World, a Man can't ſpeak civilly to a Womin now, but pre-
{ently ſhe ſays, he makes Iove to her : Nay, Madam, you ſhall ſtay, with your pardon,
fince you hav e not yet underſtood him, till 'be has made an eclairciſment{ of his love to
you, that is, what kind of love itis;anſwer to thy Catechiſm:Friend, doyou love my
Miſtreſs here?”©
do Yes, 1 wiſh ſhe wou'd not doubt 1it.
- But how do you love her ? |
: Yer With all my Sodl.
j Alith. Ithank him, "methinks he peaksplain clovel!now. | |
io Spar. You are 0':t "Kill. | CTo Alithea.
" "But with whatkind of love, Harcourt? þ Pa.
Har. With the beſt, and 4rveſt lovein the World.
Spar. Look you there then,” that .with'no matrimonial love, I'm ſore.
+ . Alith. How's that, doyou faymatrimonial love is not-beſt?
"Spar. Gad5T wetit too far CerFivas aware : But ſpeak for thy felfHarcowr, you
Ry
you wou'd hot wron tte, nor her. ©
' Har. No, no, Madam, £'en take him for Heavens fake. | ;
Spar. -Look yon there, Madam: | Is
Har. Who ſhou'diinallJuſtice be yours, -* _SClaps bis hand
he that loves los os : oy Lon
on rg.
* *Alith, Look you there*Mr.:Sparkiſhg who's that?
| Spar, Who ſhow'd it be? g0 on Hercourt.
Hay, Who loves you more than Women Titles, or Fortune Fools. Crimear$pk
Spar. Look you there, he means me {till, -_phe Points at me;
2 Alth.-
 WR.) The Country Wife. |
AMlith, Ridientous t:, $ of 4B
Har. Who.can only match your Faith, and Conſtancy in love. -
_ Spar. Ay. 2p
Hs. Who knows, if it: be poſſible, how tovalue ſo much. beauty and virtue.
Harz WhoGloye can be.no more.equall'd ia the. world, than that Heavenly form.of
Jour. :
Her, Who cou'd no more ſuffer a Rival, than your abſence, and,yet cou'd no more
FaſpeF.yaur yirtue, than his-own Gonſtancy in. his loye to you.
F SAY. No | | -
- Har. Whoin fine loves you-better. than his Eyes, that firſt made him love you.
* - Sper, Ay——-nay, Madam, faith you ſhar't go, till
+ -Alith. Ravea,care; leſt. you make me ſtay too-long —— ” | |
Spar, But till ſhe has ſaluced you; that I may be aſſured you are Friends,after this honeſt
advice and declaration : Come, pray, Madam,þe friends. with him.. ...
Enter 1after Pinchwife, Aftreſs Pinchwifer.. + , | +
Aliith. You mult paxdon me, Sir, that I am not yet ſo obedient.to you.-. | I
Mr. Pin. What, invite your Wife to kiſs men? Monſtrous Lare you. not aſhamed ?. 1
vill never forgive you. :
Spar, Are you not aſhamed,
that I ſhou'd-have more confidence in the chaſtity of your
Family, than you have + you muſt not-teach me, I am a Man of honour, Sir, though. lam ' }
frank and free ; I am frank,-Sir | oo |
Atr. Pin. Very frank, Sir,to ſhare your Wife-with your: friends... * F®
- Spar. Heisan humble, menial Friend, ſuch as reconcilesthe differences of the Myrriage-
bed; you know Man and Wite do noralways agree, I deſign; him.for that uſe, therefore
wou'd haye.bim well with my Wife. Mt
' "Mr. Pin. A menial Friend —-you. will geta great many menial Friends,., by ſhewing
your Wife as-yon-do. | |
' ©par. What then, it may be have a pleaſure in't, as I have to ſhew fine Clothes, at.
a Play-houſe the firſt day, and count money before Nome Rogues, .
Mr. Pin. He that ſhews his Wife, or Morey; wHl. be in-danger.of-having them bor-
rowed ſometimes. |
Spar. I love to be envy'd, and wou'd not marry a Wite, that I alone cou'd love ;. lo-
ving alone js as dull,as cating alone ;- is it not a frank age, and Iam a frank Perſon ?
and to'tell you the. truth, it may. be 1 love. toghaye Rivals ina.Wife, they. make her
ſeem toa Man ſtill, but as a kept Miſtreſs; and fo 820d night, for I-muſt to Whiteha{;
Madam, 1 hope you are now reconciled to, my,Frieng; and ſo Lwiſh you a good night,
Madam, and fleepif.you can ; for to morrow you know.I muſt viſit. you, early with a Ca-
nonical Gentleman. Good night; dear Harcourt. CExit Sparkiſh.
#ar. Madam, I hope you will not-refuſe my viſit to morrow, if it ſhou'd be earlier
with a Canonical Gentleman..than Mr. Sparkiſ's ? _ *
Adtr.. Pin. This Gentlewoman is yet under my care, therefore you muſt yet forbear
yorr-freedom with her, Sir. LComing between Alithea and Harcourt. .
Har. Muſt, Sir Z
ey %; ;|
Ar. Pin... Yes, Sir, ſhe's my Siſter.
Har. *Tis well ſhe 1s, Sir- for I muſt be her Servant, Sir. Madam ——
| Mr: Pin.

UMI
 : The Country Wife. | 29 -
Atr. Pin. Come away Siſter, we had been gone; ifit had not been foryou, and ſo a.
voided theſe k akehells, who ſeem to haunt vs:
Emer Horner, Dorilant them.
Har. How now Pinchwife?
Adr.. Pin. Your Sefvant:
or. Whar, I ſee a little time in the Coontry makes 2 Man turn wild and unſociable
and only fit to converſe with his Horſes, Dogs; and his Herd. F
Ar. Pin, 1 have buſineſs, Sir, and muſt mi 1 it; your buſineſs is pleaſure, therefore
you and ] * go different ways. a
Hor. Weil, you may go on, but this ung Gentleman -—-
F Y (RK (Takes bold of Mrs. Pinchwife.
Har. The Lady -— —
Dor. And the Maid-
Hor. Shall ſtay with us, for I ſuppoſe their buſineſs is the ſame withours, pleaſure.
AM, Pin; *Sdeath he knows her, ſhe © carries it io ſillily, yet if he does nor. I ſhou'dbe
more ſilly to diſcover it firſt.* (Afode..
Alith, Pray, let vs go, Sir.
Ar, Pin.; Come, come
. Hor. Had you not rather ſtay with us ? FTo Mrs. Pinchwife,
Prithee Pinchwife, who js that pretty young Gentleman.
Atr. Pin. One:to whom 1 am Guardiap.
; | [I wiſh [ cou'd keep her outof your hands- _ (Afave.
Hor. Whois he ? I never ſaw. any thing ſo pretty in all my life.
® A. Pin, Pſhdw, do not look uponhim ſo much, he'sa poor baſhfull Youth, youll put
himout of Countenance. -Come away Brother: [Offers ro rake ber away
Hor. O your Brother. |
Mr. Pin, Yes, my Wife's Brother; come, come, ſhe'll ſtay Supper for vs. -
Hor, 1 thought 6, for he is yery- like her,l ſaw you at-the Play with, whom I told you-
Iwas in love with.
Mrs. Pin. O Jeminy/ is that he that was in love with me, 'm glad on't I vow, for
} he's a curiovs fine Gentleman, and I love him already tO0: | Gaſide.
Is thishe bud ? (To Ar. Pinchwifcl
Mr. Pin. Come away, come away. (To bis Wife.
Hor, Why, what haſte are you in ? why won't yon let me talk with him.
Ar. Pin: Becauſe you'll debauch him, he's yet young and innocent, -and't won'dmot-
have him debauch'd for"any thing in the World.
How ſhe gazes on him! the Devil—— : (Apa.
Ha. Harcourt, Dorilent, look you here, this is the likeneſsOf that. Dowdey he told
vs of, his Wife did you-ever ſee a Joyelier Creature ? the Rague has reaſon to be jea- -
lous ofhis Wife, ſince ſhe is like him, for ſhe wou'd make all that m her, in _w_ with .
her.
Har,' And'as Tremember now, \ ſhe is as like him hereas can be.
Dori She is indeed very pretty, if ſhe he like him.
Hor. Very pretty,a very pretty Commendation----ſhe is a glorious Creature, beau-
tiful beyond all things 1 ever beheld.
Ar. Pin. S0, 1,
Har. More beautifull than a Poets firſt Miffreſs of Imagination,
Fr. Or:
 20 | The Conntry W ife.
Hor.” Or another Man's liſt Miſtreſs of fleſhand blood.
Ars. Pin. Nay, now you jeer, Sir;pray don't jeer me h...
Ar. Pin. Come, come. [8p Heavens, ſheILdiſcoverther ſelf. (Aſide.
Hor. 1 ſpeak of your Siſter, Sir.
Atr. Pix. Ay, but ſayiing.theWas handfom, if like him, made him bluſh, LI am upon
a wrack: I} 7 (Aſide.
Hor. Methinks he 1is {o Handſom, he ſhou'd not be a Man.
At. Pin. O there 'tisout, hethas diſcovered her, Tam not able to ſuffer (To
any bis
longer.
Wife
-
(Come, come away, I ſay —
Hor. Nay, by your leave, Sir, he ſhalt not-go et——- 2
(To them.
Baredire, Dotilant , ler'us torment this jealous Rogue a little, :
7:
al How 3?

be FIl ſhew you.

"Mr. Pin, Come pray let him go, I cannot-Ntay fooling any. houger';- ",tell you bis Si-
fer ſtays Supper for vs.
Hor. Does ſhe, come then we'll all go Sup with her and thee,
My. Pin. No, now I think on 't, having ſtaid ſo long for us, I warrant ſhe”s gone to
Bed [1 wiſhſhe and I were well out of their hands —— 78:5: {Hfoade,
EE Come, I muſt riſe early to morrow come.
Her. Well then if ſhe be gone to bed, wiſhher -and you a gopd-night. But pray,
young Gentleman, preſent my humble ſervice to her. Sc
Mrs. Pin. Thank you heartily/$ir,- *| 29K alt
'* My. Pin, ?Sdeath, ſhe will diſcover her ſelf yet. in ſpight of me. + |"(th de.
He is ſomething more civil to you, for your kindneſs to his Siſter, than I am, it ſeems.
Hor. Tell her, dear ſweet little Gentleman, for all your Brother there, thatyou have
&- xeviy'd the love I had forter at firſt-ſiicht inithe Play-houſe,
-Mes Pin. But did you love her-indeed, and indeed ??
' Ar. Pin. So, pt | "fs ih (Afeae.
—_— =y rg,
Hor. Nay, ſtay;yes indeed; and jodend; pray do you tell her Þ,"and give her this
kiſs from me. [Rifſes her.
Mr. Pin, O Heavens! what do I ſuffer;now *tis too plain he knows her, 2 Cele
© (Afrae
Hor. And this, and this- | a *21) 1; "(Riſer terNoi
Ars. Pin, What do you kiſs me for,” I am-no Womat. AE,
: Me. Pin So— there *tis out. DE 2 4 | 0 CLOVE L4f
7.17
Come, I cannot,,nor will ſtay any longer:
Hor. Nay, they ſhall ſend your Lady a Kiſstoo; bs Hercoart, Dirtlext:willyou not?
S [They kiſs bee.
Mr- Pix. How, do I ſuffer this? was I not accuſing another juſt now, Fu this
xhi
ly patience, in permitting his Wife'to be kiſs'dyore!his face ? teh thouſand Ukleers
gnaw away their lips. (fide.
Come,” come, - $US” 22 Et

Hor. Good
 Yhe Country Wi | "Nl
Har. Goodf night lea tl Gentleman,Madam, — ht; farew elLPinchwif
| {Did not I tell you F-wou'd raiſe his jealous gall:?
2 nk to Harcourt, and Dorilant.
| [Exenunt Horner, Harcourt, ard {2orilant,
24;, Pin. So, they are gone at laſt;ſtay, let me ſee firſt if the Coach be at this door.
Ex1t,
Hor. What not gqne yet ? will you be ſure to do as I deſi redyou, ſweet Sir? ,
[Horner, Harcourt, Dorilant return.
Ars, Pin. Sweet Sir, bat what will you give me then?
Hor. Any thing \ com eaway into the Next walk Exit Horner, balling away Mrs. Pinch.
Alith. .Hold, hold what d'ye do ! |
Lucy. Stay, ſtay, hold ——- yy |
Har. Hold, Madam hold, let him preſent him, he'll come —_y : ag TO never
.let you go, till you anſwer my queſtiqn.
Lucy. For God's ſake, Sir, I muſt follow em. Alithea, Lucy firng-
Dor. No,I have ſomething to preſent you with too, you-_ yling with,Harcourt,
ſhan't follow them. * ; and Dorilant. .
Pinchwife returns. + 510% on”
Ar. »E Where? --how-? — what's become of ? gone—-whithi of7. 4 a6 4
__ He's only gone with the Gentlemen, who will give him» Toietbing; an' plegh%
your Worſhip. |
Mr. Pin. GEE hin fomething, witha Pox —- where are hey7
Alith. In-the gens walk only, Brother. a
Arr. Pin. Only, only; where, where?
"TE xit| Pinchwite, and returns pre/ently, then goes q agen.
Har. Whats the matter with him ?-why ſo much concern'd ?- but nk Aa
Alith. Pray let me go, Sir,Ihave ſaidy, and ſuffered enough already. . WA
Har. Then you will not look upon, nor pity my ſufferings? _ A—Y
Alith. To look upon 'em, when I cannot help *em, were cruelty,not pity, therefore 1
will never ſee you more.
Har, Let. me then, Madam, have my privilege ofa baniſtd Loyer, complaining or rai- *
ling,andgiving you but a farewel reaſon ;why, if you cannot 'condeſcend to marry mes
you ſhow'd not take that Wretch my Rival. |
Alith.” He only, not you, ſince my honour is engag'd fo far to him, cangiveme a'xea-
ſon,why I ſhou'd not marry him; þut if he be true, and what I think him to me, I muſt
be ſo to him ;, your Servant, Sir.
; Hes HaveWomen only conſtancy when *tis a vice, and are like Fortune only true to
ools
Dor. \Thou ſha't not ſtir thou robuſt Creature, you ſee I can deal with you, therefore
you. ſhou'd ſtay the rather and bekind, (To Lucy, who ſtrung gles to get: from him. |
- Em; Pinchwife.
My. Pin. Gone, gone, not to be found; quite gone, ten thouſand plagues ry wichem
which way went they?
Alith. But into tother walk, Brother,
' Lacy. Their buſineſs will bedone JOY ſare, an't pie
yourrWorttp,It:cutib
long in doing Ym fare on't. . -. . | «Hb.
Alith, Are they not theres? © | Ye
a
Mr, Pins |
 k
—_—

32 - The Countey Wife,

Afr. Pin.” No, you-know wherethey are, you infamous Wretch,Eternal ſhafae of your
Family, which yon do not diſhonour enough your lf, you think, but you myſt help her
to do it too, thou Legion cf Bawds,
-Alith. Gocd Brother.
Afr, Pin, Damm, damn'd, Siſter.
. Tithe Look you- here, ſhe's coming, .
Enter Adiſtreſs tinchwife in Man's _— running with her Hat under her
' arm, full of Oranges ard dvied fruit,, Horner following.
#trs. Pin. O dear bud, 1-ok you here what [ have got, ſee.
1. Pin. And what havel got here too, whith you can't ſee. ( Aftdryrubbing bis forehead.
Mrs Pin. Thefine Gentieman has given me better things yet.
Ar. Pin, Has he fo ? [Out of breath and colaur'd —_— ; |
I moſt hold: yer. : (Aſide.
Hr. | have only given your little Brother an Orange, Sir, |
' Ar. Pin. Thank you, Sir. (To Horner.
You hav? only ſqueezed my O! ange, 7 oppor, and gven itme again; yer I muſt have
a City patience. (Aſide:
_ Come, come away .-—— (Tot
o bis Wife.
Mrs. Pij. Stay till Thave put up my fine tires Bud, |
- _ «Exter Sir Jaſper Fidger.
i Fiſ. O Maſter Firner, come, come, the Ladies ſtay for you ; your- Miſtreſs, my
Wife, wonders you make not more haſte to her. *
Hor. on ſtaid this half hour for you here, and *ris your fault Fam not now with
your Wife
Se. 7,
Jaf But pray, don't'let her know ſo much, the truth'on't is, I was advancing a
certain'Project ro his Majeſty about —— II! tell you.
Hor- No, 1 r's'go, and hear it at your Houſe: Good night ſweet little Gentleman;
one kiſs ..re, you 1! "remember me now 1 hope. (Kiſſes ber.
Dby.” Whar, Sir Faſper, will you ſeperare Friends ? he prowis'd to ſup with us, and
if you take him to your Houſe, you'll be-in_ danger of our Company roo, | -
8. Faf. Alas Gentlemen, my houſe is not fit for you, thereare none but civitWomen
there, whicharc not for your turn; he you know can bear with the ſociety of civil Wo-
men, now, ha, ha, ha ; beſides he?5 one of my Family ;—-hes — heh, heh, heh.
Dor. What iis he? |
Sr. Ja. Faith, my Euruch, fince you'll have it, heh, he, he,
C Exin: $:r Jaſper Fidcet, and Horner.
Dor, I rather wiſh thou wert his, or my Cuckold : Harcort what a 200d Cyckold
is loſt there, for want of a yan to make him one;thee and. |cannot bave Horuer's pri-
vilege, who can make uſe of it.” ©
Har. Ay, to poor Horner, tis like coming to an eſtate at
| chireli8bie,whd a Mah can't
be the betrer for't, | |
Afr, Pin. Come.
irs. Pin, Preſently Bud, ED dog hd: /
Dor, Come. jet us go too:Madam, your Servant, FA -_. (Tp Alithea,
Good night Strapper,. ——-—- Senn ft (To lucy, |
Her, Madam, though you will not let me have a 500d day orvight I wiiſhyou;one;
(4
E S
but dare not name the other haif of my wiſh,
- Alith. Good
 The CounyWie.”
| | 33
- Alith, Good nightgSir, for ever. { ,
Ars. Pin, 1,don't know where to put this "8 pe: Bud,-you ſhall cat it;; nay, you
E:have part ofthe fine Gentleman's good things. or treat, 2s you callit,
i when we come
ome.
Ar. Pin. Indeed, I deſerve it, ſince I furniſh'd' the beſt part of it, _.
Here away the Aw
The Gallant treats, preſents, and gives the Ball;
But *tis the abſent Cuckold, pays for all.
©. —

: ACTI SCENEL
In Pinchwife's Houſe inthe Morning.

Lucy, Alithea dreſ#d in new Cloaths.

Lucy.We — Madam, now have [dreſs'd you, and ſet yon ont with ſo many orna.
ments.,and ſpent upon you ounces of Efſence, and Pulvilio; and all this for no
other purpoſe, but as People adorn, and” perfumie a Corps, for 3a finkingſecond-hand
grave, ſuch or as bad, [| think Maſter Sparkiſh's Bed.
Alith. Hold your Peace.
Lucy. Nay, Madam, I will ask you the reaſon, why you wou'd baniſh poor Maſter
'Harcourtfor ever from your ſight ? how cou'd you be {o hard hearfed *?
Alith. *T was becauſe I was not hard-hearted.
Lucy. No, no; *twas ſtark love and kindneſs, I warrant. —
Alith.1t was t; I wou'd ſee him no more, becauſe I love him: I a
Lucy. Hey-day, a very pretty reafon. |
Alith. You do not underſtand me.
Lucy. 1 wiſh you may your ſelf. We
Alith. 1 was engag'd to marry, you ſee,another Man, whom my juſtice will not ſuffer
me to deceive, -or injure.
Lucy. Can there be a greater |cheat, or wrong done 60 a-Man, than to give bio.your
Perſon, without your heart; 1ſhon d make a conſcience of it. gf
Alith.1 It retrieve it for him, after I am marrieda while. '
Lucy. The Woman that marries to love better, will be as much miſtaken, as the Web
cher hat marries to live better: No,madam, marrying to increaſe RG likegamingto
become rich; alas, you only loſe. what little-ſtack. you had HEL #71 ONTO
*Alith. 1 find by your Rhetorick you haye ; been brib'd to i, #0
Lucy. Only
by his merit, that "has brib'd your heart,you FORT {> 0? 7G
rigid fionour but what a Devil is this h6fiour ?*tis ſare þ.
vsDREhoad
Y
Megrim, Or Falling-ſickneſs, that always hurries. People. away to od "Ge
chief ; Men loſe their lives by it -Women, what's dearer te Key thei love, 1 Sic
of. life. _ a NR
- Aiith. Cbine, pray talkFon 6 rhore bf Honour, no? Maifef Harcourt5 4th away
wou'd come, to ſecure my ape to him, and his right in me. 114i 5valtatt a
dog! You willtyarryhim TOE!rt, 231050 or4d
34 2 !
£5] 1 130307421 ve
GEES ©4.3175p8 24 no Tor —Y |
4 .

Alith. Certainly, 1 have- given him-already my word, and will,

my hand too, to make
it good when he comes.
Lucy. Well, i-wifh Jaway-never ſtick-pin more, if he be not anerrant Natural, to t'o.
ther fine Gentleman, . | en
Alith. 1own he wants the wit ofHarcowrt, which I will diſpenſe withal, for-ancther
want he has, which is-want of jealouſie, which Men of Wit ſeldom want:
Lucy, Lord, Madam, what ſboud
yay do with:a fool to your Husband, you intend
to be honeſt don't: you? then that husbangdiy. virtue, credulity, is thrown away up=- '
on you.
Alith. He only that could ſuſpe& my virtve, ſhou'd have cauſe to do it; *tis Sparkifh's
confidence in my truth, that obiiges me to be fo faithfulro him..
Z acy. You are not ſure his opinion may laſt,
Alith 1 am ſatisfied, *tis impoſſible. for him to be jealous, after the proofs-I:have had:
of him : Tealouſie in a Husband, Heaven defend me from ir, it begetsa thouſand plagues
to 2a poor Woman, the lofs of her honour, ber quiet, and her RE
Lucy. And her pleaſure. 2
Alith. W hat d*ye mean Impertinent2.
Lucy. Lgbertyis a ir pleaſure, Madam. .
Alith1 fay loſs of her honour, her quiet, nay; herlife ſometimes ; and what's as bad
loſs- of this
aImeft,ofthea Hushand which isthe laſt ill:
Town, that-is, ſhe is-fent into the.Country,
uſage to a Wife I think;
Lych. O do's the wind lie there? FCAſide Þ.
Then of neceſſity, Madam, you thinka Man muſt carry his Wife into the-Country,if:
hebe wiſe ; the Country.is asterrible I findto our yaung Engliſh Ladies,” as aMonaſte-
ry to thoſe abroad ; and on my Virginity,I think they wau'd rather- marry a London-
| of aConnty, ft
Goaler, then a high Sheriff 1nce neither can- ſtir from js iwployment:
formerly Women of Wit married Fools, for a great Eſtate,.a fine. Seat, or the
like ; but now *tis for a pretty Seat only in Lincolz's»
Inn- Fields, St. James's- Fields, or-
the Pali-mall. .
Enter. to them Sparkifh, avd Harcourt dre/#*d hke a Parſon,
»Spar. Madam, your humble.Servant; a happy day-to you, and to us all,
Har. Amen - — — |
Alith. Wie havewe here? -
Sper. My Chaplain faith - O- Madam, poor Hercowt remembers-
hishumble -
ſervice to you ; and -in obediancetg your -laſt.commands refrains coming into your
_ PAlith 16 notthat he?
Spar, No, fye.no >bur toſhew.thathe neer meintended to binder our Match has ſent his |
-
n OUT ; ands-;zwhen I et a Wit, I myſt et her a Gha lain ACs-
Brother here: to.)
nodmy. Chapleig. 6 PAID, (Ge
oding to the Guſto; PE —
Alich. His Brother ?
p24 ind your Chaplan, topreach in your Pulpit then |
; - His Brother.
Spar. Nay,I knew-yan--wou'd.not belive 16, 3 Itold you Sir, ſhe wau'd take you for -
yt Frank, © |
it !
Alith. Believe | Rn "RR F |
Jxcy. His Brother !hah, bay-he,. he has a trick left Rillit ems A - FAjide:
Spar. Come.
 "The Country Wife: © 35
Spar, Come my deareſt, pray let us go to Charch' before the Canonical hour is paſt,
HAlith, For ſhame, you are abns'd ſtill,
Spar, Bythe World *tis.ſtrange now you are ſoincredulons,
Alith.. Tis ſtrange you are ſo credylous. - gs
- - Spar, Deareſt of my, life, here me, 1 tell you this'is Ned Harcourt of Cambrid a
by the World yourſee he has a ſneaking College look-; *ris true he's * fomething h
_ his Brother- Frank, and they difter from-each other no more than in their age, for they
were T wins. © © | |
Lucy. Hah, ha, he. ON |
Alith. Yor Servant; Sir, I cannot be ſo deceiv'd,; though you are; but come let%shear,
*how do you know what you affirm ſo confidently ? |
Spar. Why, FI tell you all; Frank Harcoart-coming
to me this morning, to wiſh we
- | joy, andpreſent his ſervice to.you-: I asK'dhim, it he cowd help me to a Parſon; where-
| upon he told: me, he had a Brother in Town who was in Orders, and he went ſtraight
away, and .nt him; you ſee there,to'me. _
Alath. Yes, Frank goes, and. puts on a'black-coat, then tells you, he is Ned, that's ft
you havefor't. - _ ;
Spar, Pſhaw, Pſhaw, Ttell you by the ſame token, the Midwife put her GAHter about
Franks neck, to- khow*em aſunder, they were fo like.
Alith. Frank tells you this $00. | gb T,
Spar. Ay, and Ned, there too; nay, they are bottrin a ſtory,
Alith. So, ſo, very fo-liſh. | "mY | | þ
Spar. Lord, if you won't believe one, you. had belt try. him by your Chamber maid
ny for Chamber-maids muſt needs know Chaplains 'from other Men, they are ſo
us'd ſo to *em. | ; |
Lucy. Let's ſee $nay, I'll beſyornhehas the Canonical fmirk, and the filthy, clammy
-palm of a Chaplain. ** + lms 09, hl |
Alith. Well, moſt reverend DoQor, pray let vs make an end of this fooling.
Har. Wit all my Soul, Divine, Heavenly Creature, when you pleaſe.
- Alith. He ſpeakslike a Chaplain indeed. BET 4s 3
Spar. Why, was there-not, Soul, Divine, Heavenly tn what he ſaid ?
' Alith Once more, moſt impertinent Black-coat, ceaſe your perſecution and let us
have a Concluſionofthis. ridiculous love. . TY
Hay. I had forgot, I muſt ſute my Stile to my Coat, or I EN vain. - (Afth.
— I have no more patiencelefr, letus make once'an end of thistroubleſome Love,
ay. ; L 0.
: my So be it,Seraphick. Lady, when your honour ſhallthink it meet, and'convenient
3 '10:t0. Go, " 1
Spas. *GadI\m-ſure none but aChaplain-con'd:
ſpeak fo I think. _ |
|AMlith. Let metell yougSir, this dull:trick will cot ferve your turn, thongh yau delay
our Marriage you ſhall not hinder it. ;
|"+ Her, Fas b&it from-me,Munificent Patroneſs,todelay jen deſirenothing
more. than to marry you preſently, which I might do, if you. your ſelf wowd ; for my
A Noble.Goed-natur'd;,and- thrice -Generons:Fatron:here-won'd) not! hinder. it.
' | Spar» No, poor Man, not I faith, ; HY .
Has: And,nows Madam,
let me:telh
you plainly,no body: elft ſhall marry you,by Hea-
| vens,;l'll die firſt, for Im ſure I ſhou'd die after it.
EE F 2 | Lucy. How

UMI
36- f .The. Commtry Wife.
_ A How his love has made him _— his FunCtion, 2s I have ſeen”1t in real
arſons,
Alith, T hat was ſpoken likea:Chaplain too, now you qnderftund him » Thope.
Spar. Poor man, he takes it hainouſly to be. refus'd; [| can't blame him, ?tis putting an
indignity upon him-not to be Tvffter'd, but you'll pardon me, Madarn, itſhan't be, he ſhalt.
mat ny us; come.away, pray Madam. ; 2
+Libicy. "Hah, ha, he,” more-ado !tis late. Y
Alih. Invincible ſtupidity !! ] tell you he you's mar ryme, as. your Rival, Rot as your- |
Chaplain. | b =
apt. Come, come Madam. \ (Pulling her away.
Zucy. 1 pray. Madam,do not refuſe this Reverend Divine the honour and Z tifaction 6
obwarrying you z- for T dare ſay, he has ſer his heart upon t, good DoCtor.
-#6r5 What can you hope, or deſign by this?
+4 cou'd anſwer her, a reprieve for a day,only'/i9 ten revokes a Haſty bay »: at
worſt, if ſhe will not take mercy on me, and-let me marry her, 1 have at leaſt the Lovers, Þ+
{oat pleaſure, hindring my Rivals enjoyment, though: but for'a time. 4
Spar. Corge Madam, *tis &en twelve a Glock, and my Mother clarg?d me never to be. . Þ
ed os f the Ganonical hours'; .come, come: Lord, here s ſuch a deal of modeſty,
I warrant the firſt day. |
Lucy. Yes, and pleaſe your Worſhip, Srrlatiip ſliew alltheirModeſty the firſt
day, becauſe "married Men ſhew all their love the firſt day. -
[ Exeunt Sparkiſh, Alithea, Harcourt, and Racy
The Scene obatpis to 4 Feddibaipaors wherebet Pinchwife, and Mrs Pinchwife,
- 27. Pin.: Come tell me;1 ſay. -
Mrs. Pin. Lord, hart I told it a tundred times over? =
Adr. Pin. 1 wou'd try, if in the repetition of the ungrateful] tale, I cou'd find her alte: |
ring it in the leaſt circumſtance, for if her ſtory be falſe, ſhe isT8'too, > (Aſide...
Cone, how was't Baggage + | " _—
Mrs. Pin. Lord, what pleaſure you take to hear it ſure. |
Ar. Pt. No, you take more in telling it, I find-; but ſpeak, how was't *2
Mrs. Pin. Be carried me upinto a houſe; next tothe Exchange.
7Ar..Pin.. So, and'you'two were only im the Room.
Mrs. Pin. Yes, for he ſent away a Youth what!was there, forſome dried Fruit, and
China Oranges.
24r. Pin, Did he ſa ?Damn him for it - and for ———
Ms. Pin. But preſently came up the Gentawothar oft
the"Houſe;
Ar. Pin. O,*twas well ſhe did, but what did he'do-whillt the Fruit came ?
Ars. Pin, He kiſs'd mean hundred times, and told me he fancied he kiſs'd my fine Sj-
ſter, meaning me, you know, whom he ſaid heloy'd with all his S6ul, and bid me be fire
to tell her ſo, and to deſire her to be-at- her Window ,by eleven "of the Clock this morn;
ing, and he wowd walk under it at thattime. *
Ar. Pin. And he was as good as his word, very punQual, E pox rewardhim for't.
© (Afaae.
Ari. Phi. Well, and he Aid if you were notwithin, he wor'd come up to hermer:
ing me, you know, Bud, ſtill.
Mr. Pin. So —he knew her certainly,but for his confeſſion, lam oblig'dtoher
{mplictty. (iid |
 The Country Wife. © 2
Buk what-you- ſtood very ſtill, when he kiſs'd you.? |
Mrs, Pin, Yes, I warrant you, you wou'd have had mediſcovercd my ſelf ?
Ar, Pin. But you told me, he did ſome beaſtline to you, as you call'd ir, what
was't ?. *
*” Ars. Pin. Why, he put gy———
Ur. Pin, What ? | ; |
Ars. Pin, Why he.put the tip of his tongue between my lips, and ſo mull'd te —
% and 1 ſaid, I'dbite:it, = |
Mr. Pin.” An eternal canker ſeize it, for a dog. :
Ars. Pin, Nay, you need not be ſo angry with him neither, for to ſay truth, he has
the ſweeteſt breath I ever knew.
_ 2r. Pins The Devil——you were ſatisfied with it then, and wou'd do it again,
17s. Pin. Not unleſs he ſhou'd force me.
A, Pin. Force you, changeling, 1 tell you no'Woman can be forced,
Ms. Pan, $w,butſhe may-ſure, by.ſuch a one as he, for he's a proper goodly ſtrong.
Man, *tis hard} let me tell you, to refiſt him. , | .
Ar. Pin. So, *tis plain ſhe loves him, yet ſhe has not love enough to make her conceal
it. from me, but the ſight of him will increaſe her averſion for me, and lowg. for him :
and that love inſtru@ her It6iy to deceive & and ſatisfie him, all Ideot as ſhe is : Love,
*twas he gave-Women Arlſt their Craft, thEjgzart of deluding ; out of Natures hands
they came plain,” ppen, filly, and fit for es, as ſhe and Heaven intended *%em ; but . |
dame Love —=— Well-—1 muft. ſtrangle that little Monſter, whilſt I can deal -
wHh in. : Fa ; |
Gofetch Pen, Ink, and Paper out of the next room.
* Ars, Pin. Yes, Bud. (Exit Mrs. Pinchwife
Atr. Pin, Why ſhou'd Women have more invention in love than Men ? It can only be
—_—_ they have more defires,more ſoliciting paſſions, more luſt, and more of the De-
VIl.:
: | Miſtreſs Pinchwife returns. $Þo-
- Come, Mipks;fitdown and write. - | , :
Ars: Pin, Ay, dear Bud, but I can't do't very well. .
Ar. Pin, 1 wiſh youTou'd not at all.
* Ars, Pi, But what:ſhou'd I write for 2
Ar, Pinf®PI1 have you write a Letter to your Lover. ;
M;;.'Pin.,O Lord to the fine Gentleman a Letter / @
AM; Pin, Yes, to the fine Gentleman.
A,;. Pin. Lord, you do but jeer ; ſure you jeſt.
My, Pin. 1 amnot ſo-merry., come write as I bid. you,
» Hrs. Pin,” What, do you think I am a Fool? | 3H
J. Ar. Pin. She's afraid I wou'd not diQtate any love to him, therefore ſhe's unwilling,
- *F. but you had beſt begin. ,
"| Ars. Pin. Indeed, and indeed, but I won't, ſo I won't. .
Ar. Pin, Why ?
Ars. Pin. Becauſe he's in Town, you may ſend for him if you will.
My. Pin. Very well, you wou'd have him brought to you ; is it come to this? I fay-
take the Pen and write, oryou?ll provoke me.
Atrs. Pin,
 =_ The Conntry Wi fe.
Fes. Pin, Lord, what d'ye make a Fool of me for? Don't Iknow that Letters are never
writ, but from theCountry to Londop, and from London into the Country; now he's in
Town and I am in Town too,: therefore I can't write t2him'you know.
Ar. Pin, So 'm glad'*it is no worſe, fſhe-is innocent enongh yet. (Aſide:
' Yes you may, when your Husband bids you, write Letters to people that are in Town.
Mrs. Piv, O mayI fo. Then I am ſatisfied. ol
AMr. Pin, Come begin - Sir —— (Djfarce.
Mys. Fin. Shan't I ſay, Dear Sir ? You know one ſays Sera Gaethids more than
tare Sir.
Ay. Pin. Write as I bid you, or I will writ Whore with this Penknife in your Face-
Af-s. Pin. Nay good Bud - —- Sir (She writes;
© 2 Piz. Though I ſuffered: laſt night your nauſeous loath'd Kiffes and Embraces-—
- Write.
Ars. Pin. Nay, why ſhou'd [ſay ſo? you know [ told you he hadgiven,breath.
Myr. Pin. Write. :
Ars. Pin. Let me but put out loath'd, Y
Ir, Pin, WriteI ſay.
AXtrs. Firi, Well then. | (Writes.
24, Pin. Let's ſee, what have you writ ?
TThongh [ſuffered laſt night your Kifſes and Eydraces — (Takes the
oPaper,and reads:
Thou impuJent Creature where is nauſeous and loath'd ?
Mrs. Pin. 1 can't abide to write fuch filthy words. ..

Mr. Pin, Once more write as I'd have you, and queſtion it not, or I will ſpoil thy wri-
= 7 this, kt will ſtab ont thoſe eyes that cauſe my miſchief. [Holds up the Penhnife.
. Ari, Pm. O Lord, I will,
Mr. Pin. S0 —— 'fo———lets ſee now ! | [Reads..
Though I ſoffered laft night your navfeous, loath'&Kiffes and Embraces; go on———
Yet 1 wou'd not have you preſume that you ſhallever repeat them- "It; (She writes.
Mrs. Pin. I have writ it.
My. Pin, On then ——1 then concealed my ſelf from your knowledge, to avoid your
inſolencies | (Shewrites.
Ars. Pin. So "Ts |
Ar. Pin. The ſame reaſon now I am out of your hands ———— (She mx#es
Ars. I in, S0 --——
Atr. Pin. Makes me own to a my unfortunate, thongh innocent frolick of'beingin
| . Man's Cloaths. (She writes. 4þ
Nrs. Pi. $0
Ar. Pin, That you my for evermore ceaſe to purſue her, who. hates and deteſts
you; _ (Shemrates on.
= Attrs. Pin. SO h ['S3ghs.
A1r. Pin. What do youſigh ? --deteſts you— as much as ſhe- loves her Husband: '
_ and her Honour -
Mrs. Pin, 1 vow Husband he'll neer believe, I ſhou'd write ſuch a Letter.
41r. Pin, What he'd expect a kinder from you ?*come now your name only;
A;s. Pin. Vhar, ſhan't I fay your moſt faithful, humble-Servant-till death 2
Ar. Pin, No, rotmenting Friend; her ſite find wou'd bevery ſdfr. (Ape. P—
mad
CL

Come
 The Country Wife. » 29
Come wrapit up now, whilſt I go fetch wax and a candle ;and
write on the back-ſide,
..ForArs.
Mr. Pin.
Horner,
For Mr. Exit Pinchwife |
Horner -- So, 1 am glad he has told mehis name ; Dear
Mr. Aor-
zer, but why ſhould 1ſend thee ſuch a Letter, that will vex thee, and make thee angry
with me z well F will not ſend it --— Ay, but then my Husband will kill me ——
for I ſee plainly, he wor't let me love Mr. Horner bur what carel for my Hof-
band ——- Iwort, fo wont ſend poor Mr. Horner ſuch a Letter
— but then my Huſ-
band But oh— what if I writ at bottom, my Husband made me writ it—
Ay, butthen my Husband will fee't - —- Can one have no ſhift,
ab, a Lonwdoy woman
wou'd have had a hundred preſently ; ſtay—— what if I ſhow'd writ a Letter, and wrap
it up like this and write upon't too 4.4 but then my Husband wou'd ſee't I
don't know what to do But yet y*'vads II try, ſo L will for I will not ſand this
Letter to poor Mr. Herzer, come what will ont.
Dear ſweet Mr. Horner - ſo - ._my Husband wonv'd CShe writs and repeats
have me ſend you abaſe, rude, unmannerly Letter but IL mhar ſhe hath writ
won't -fo and wou'd have me forbid you loving me—— bur Lwont
© ———— ane wou'd have me ſay to you,I hate you poor Mr Horner — but 1 wont
tella lye for him—— chere - for Pm ſureif you andI were in the Country at Cards
together -- ſo— 1 cou'd not help treading on your Toe under the Table —fo — or rub-
bing knees with you, and ſtaring in your face, 'till you ſaw me — very well - and then
looking down, and bluſhing for an hour together — ſo——— but I muſt make haſte be-
fore my Husband comes ; and now he has taught me to write Letters :You fhall have.-
longer ones from me, who am,
Dear. dear, poor dear Mr Zorzer, your molt :
Humble Frend, and Servant to command *till death.
: . Margery Pinciwife.
Stay I myſt give hima hint at bottom—/o—— now wrap it up juſt like Cother ——.
> — now writ for Mr.. Herner, — But oh now, what ſhall I do with it ? far here comes
my Husband. |
Enter Pinchwife. |
My. Pin. 1 have been detainedby a Sparkiſh Coxcomb, who pretended a viſit to me;
but I fear *twas to my Wife, [ Afrdte
What have youdone ? |
AMers:Pin. Ay, ay Bud, juſt now. | | |
AMretin. Lets ſee't what d'ye tremble for ; what, you wou'd not have it go ?
Mrs. Pin Here No I muft not givehim that, ſo I had z He opens, and read;
been ſerved if | had given him this. *+* [Aſide Y the prſk Letter
AMvr.Pin.Come where's the wax and Seal ? |
Mrs. Pin.” ord. what ſhall I do now ? Nay then I have it —— ( Aſide. -
Pray-let me ſee't, Lord-you think me ſo arrand CRmany the Letter from him.chenges itfor
afoot, Icannot ſeal a Letter, [ will do't ſo 1 will, U the other, ſeals it, and delivers it to him.
Mr. Pin. Nay, I belive you will learn that and other thingstoo, which I wou'd not
have yOu, |
Mrs Pin. So, hawt 1 done it conriouſty ?
ſend -
Erhink I have, there's my Letter goi..g toMr, Hbrzer ; ſince he'll needs have meCA.
Letters to Folks.
Mr. Pin 'Tis very well, bur 1 +72rrant, you Wou'd not -haye 1t-go gow ? Ars. Pins; 's
 64 5 Thi Country Wiſe.
Ars. Pin. Yes indeed, but Iwou'd, Bud, now. | s
Mr. Pin. Well, youare a good Girl then, come let me lock you up in; your Chamber
"0 till | come back:and be ſare-you come not "within three ſtrides of the window, when [
- am gone, for I have a ſpye inthe ſtreet.
" Art leaſt 'tis fit ſhe think ſo, if we do not cheat Women ,they*ll cheat FPinehwife locks,
us; and fraud may bejuſtly "uſed with ſecret enemies, of which a Wife the door.
1s: the moſt dangerous ; and 'he that has a handſom one to keep,anda Frontier Town,
.muſt provide againſt. treachery, rather than open Force =Now | have ſecured all with- -
io, PI deal with the Foe withont with falſe intelligence. | (Holds up the Letter.
(Exit Pinchwife.
\ The Scenes changes to Horner's Loaging.”
PR

Quitsand Horner.

RD.

Lu. You have made uſe of your time,Sir.

Hor. Itell thee;l amnow no more interruption to *em, 'when they ſing, or talk baw- |
dy. than a little {quab French Page, whoſpeaks no Engliſh.
Qa. But do civil Perſons, and Women of Honour, drink and ſing bawdy Songs?
Hor. O amongſt Friends, amongſt: Friends; for your Bigots in Honour, are juſt like '
_ thoſein Religion; they fear the eye of the World, more than the eye of Heaven and
think there is no. vertue, but railing at vice; and no ſin, but giving ſcandal: They rail < 2
* at a poor, little, kept Player, and 'keepthemſelyes ſome young, modeſt Pulpit-Co+-
median to be privy to their fins in their Cloſets, not to tell *em of them qn their [ L

Chapycie. .
My
"z
4

2x. Nay, the truth on't is, Prieſts amongſt the Women now, have quite got the bet-
ter of us Lay-Confeſſors, Phyſicians. v|
Hor. And they are rather their Patients, but
Enter my Lady Fidpet, looking about her.
Now we talk of Women of Honour, here comes one, ſtep behind the Screen there, and
*but. obſerve; if [hare not particular privileges; with the women of reputation already, 4
PoRor, already.
_ Fid. Well Horner, am not I a Woman of Honour ? you ſee I'm as good as my
wor :
Hor; And you ſhall ſee, Madam, ll not be behind-hand with you in honour: and TN
he as good 25 my ord too, by you ge but to withdraw into the next. room,
"a Ft l q *$ La. E;d.
aa"

UMI
 The Country Wife. | TE
La. Fid. But firſt, my dear Sir, you muſt promiſe to have a care of my dear Honour:
. Hor. If you talk a word more of your Honour, you'll- make me incapable to wrong
it ; to talk of Honour in the myſteries of Love, is like talking of Heaven, or the Deity
in an operation of Witchcraft, juſt when you are employing the Devil, it makes the
* charm-impotent.
La. Fid. Nay, fie, let us not be ſmooty ; but you talk of myſteries, and bewitching to
me, I -dowt underſtand you.
Hor. I tell you, Madam, the word money in a Miſtreſſes mouth, at ſachanick of time,
4s not a-more diſheartning ſound to a younger Brother, than that of Honour to an cager
Lover like my ſelf. |
La. Fid. But you can't blame a Lady of my reputation to be chary.
p —_ Chary —1 have been chary of it already, by the repurtI have caus'd of my
elf.
La. Fijd. Ay, but if you ſhou'd ever let other Women know that dear ſecret, it won'd
| come out; nay, you muſt have a great care of your Condutct x for my acquaintance are
ſo cenſorious, (oh tis a wicked cenſorious World, Mr, Horrer,)I fy, are focenſo: ons,
and detraCting, that perhaps they?ll talk to the prejudice of my Honour, though you
ſhou'd not let them know the dear ſecret. |
Hor.. Nay, Madam, rather than they ſhall prejudice your Honour, Ill prejudice theirs;
| and: Itoargſerve
it you, Þll lie with *em all, make the ſecret their own, and then they'll keep
a Mac
hiavil in love, Madam.
La. Fid. O, ng Sir, not that way. :
Hor. Nay, the Devil take me, it cenſorious Women are to be filenc'd any other: way,
La. Fid. A ſecret 1s better kept, I hope, by a ſingle Perſon than a multitude ; there;
fore don't truſt any body elſe with it, dear, dear, Mr. Horner. |
Exter Sir Jaſper Fidget.
Sr. Jaſ. How now!
La. Fid. O my Husband — prevented -— and what's almoſt as bad, found
+ with my arms about another Man ——-- that will appear too much —- what ſhall
I ſay. (Afede,
Sir Jaſper come hither, I am trying if Mr. Hoyer were tickliſh, and he's as tickliſh as can
be, I love to torment the confounded Toad ; let you and I tickle him. 2379 ©
Sr. Jaſ. No, your Ladyſhip will tickle him better without me, I ſuppoſe 3 but is this
your buying China, I thought you had been at the China-Houſe ? er
Hor. China-Houſe, that's my Cue, I muſt take it. Gfrae. -
A Pox, can't you keep your impertineat Wives at home ? ſome Men are troubled - -|
with the Husbands, but I with the Wives ; but I'd have you to know fince 1 cannot {|
be your Journey-man by night, I will not be your drudge by day, to: fquire:yoar
Wife about, and be 1 our Man of ſtraw, or ſcare-ctow only to Pyes and. Jays ;.that
would be nibling at your forbidden fruit ;; I ſhall be ſhortly the Hackney Gentleman-
Uſher of the Town. - : "Mt
Sr. JFaſ. Heb, heh, he, poor fellow he's in the right on't faith, to ſquire Women a-
bout for other fulks, is as ungrateful 2 employment, as to tell money for other folks ;
| (Afrae.
Heb, he, he, bent angry Horner WE n -
'% La. Fid. No, *cis I have more reaſon to be D8rYs who am left by you, to. go a-
| ; road
 : fo 42 The Conntry Wife.
\ brozd-indecentlyalone ;. or, what is more indecent, to pin-my ſelf upon ſuch ill-bred
people of your acquaintance, as this is. : |
. Jal. Nay, prithee, what has he done ?
La. Fid. Nay, he has done nothing, |
©&, Jaſ. Fnt what d'ye take ill, if he has done nothing ? | E]
La. Fid; Hah, hah;bab, Faith, I can't bat laugh however ; why, d'ye think the un-
- marnerly toad wou'd come down to me to the Coach ? Iwas fain to come up to fetch
bim, or go without him, which I was reſolved not to do ; for he knows China very. }
- well, and has himſelf very good, but will not let me ſe it, leſt I ſhou'd beg ſome ; but
I will find it out, and have what 1 came for yet. | |
. (Exit Lady Fidget, and locks the door, followed by Horner to the door. ©
Hor. Lock the door Madam ——-- - = . (Apart to Lady Fidget,
So, ſhe has got into my Chamber, and lock*d me out, oh theimpertinency of Woman-
kind ! Wel;, Sir Jaſper, plain dealing is a Jewel; if ever you ſuffer your Wife to tron- |
ble re again here, ſhe ſhall carry you home a pairof Horns, by my Lord Mayor ſhe ſhall;
2 thvugh 1 cannot furniſh you my ſelf, you are ſure, yet I'll find a way,
Sr. Jaſ. Hah, ha, he, at my firſt coming in, and finding her Arms about him, tickling
him it ſeems, I was half jealous, but now I ſee my Folly. (Aſide.
Heh, he, he, poor Horner. © ; |
Hor. Nay, though you Jaugh now, *twill be my turn e're long: Oh Women, more im-
-pert nent, more cun: ing and more miſchievous than their Monkeys, and to me almoſt +
as ugly— now ts ſhe throwing my things about, and rifling all I have, but Fl] getin to
her the back way, and ſo rifle her for it —
_ - $r. Jaſ. Hah, ha, ha, poor angry Horner. |
For. Stay here alittle, I'll ferret her out to you preſently, I warrant.
Ss (Exit Horner at other door. 7 N*
© Sr. Jaſ. Wite, my Lady Fidger, Wife, he is ;Sr. Jaſper calls through the door to his |
coming into you the back way. Wife, ſhe anſwers from within,
* La. Fid. Let him come, and welcome, which way he will. |
Sr. Jaſ. He'll catch you, and uſe you roughly, and be too: ſtrong for you. | s
La. Fid. Dowt you trouble your ſelf, let him if he can. |
Qu. [Behind] This indeed I cou'd not. have believ'd from him, nor any but my own
eyes.
| = Enter Miſtreſs Squeamiſh. |
S;nueam., Where's this Woman-hater, this Toad, this ugly, greaſie, dirty Sloven ? |
Sr. Jaf. So the Women all will have him ugly, methinks he's a comely perſon ; but 4]
his wants make his form contemptible to *em ;,and *tis e'en as my Wife ſaid yeſterday, ||
- Talking of him, that a proper handſome'Eunuch,. was as ridiculous a thing as a Gigan-
;tick:Coward. | ag. | | |
1: |Squeam. 'Sir Jaſper, your Seryant, where is the;odious Beaſt ? |
” $r.'Faſ. He's within in his Chamber, with my Wife; ſhe's playing the wag with
him. | | .
'Squeam, 1s ſhe ſo, and he's a clowniſh beaſt, -he'll give ber no quarter, he'll. play
the wag with her again, let me tell you ; come, let's go help her—— What, the
door's lock'd ? | |
Sr. Jaſ. Ay, my Wife lock'd it ——
'Squeam, Did ſhe ſo {let us break 1t; open then.
43
Sr. Ja.

UMI)
 Thecer pot 43.
Sr, aſe.Mani he do her no hurt, ;
Squeam, No+———But is there no ofhier wa to get into 'rw, whithe ?
- will diſturb'em, Aer | 7 6 N00 Co rs hls? I
Exit veamiſh t anoth
Enter Old Lady aa 4 anemia
Old L. Squeam. Whereis this Harlotry, this Impudent Baggage. this rami.tih Tom-
rigg? O Sir Jaſper, I'm glad to ſee you here, did you not the vird Grandchil _
'. In hither juſt now.
©@Q,
ws
<<
7 Sn. Jul. YES. © © |
Old L.Squeam, Ay, but where is ſhe then? where is ſhe? Lord, Sir Zafper I haveeen
ratled my ſelf to pieces in purſuit of her; but can you tell what ſhe makes here ?'they
ſay below, no Woman lodges here, ©
Sr, Jaſ.. No, F347) |
©1d L. Squeam. No—<W
hat does ſhe here then? ſay if it be not a wWorhag's lodging
g
what makes ſhe here ? but are you ſure no Woman lodges here ?
Sr. Jaſ. No, nor no Man neither, thisis Mr, Horner's lodging.
Old L. Squeam. Is it fo are you ſure2
-US
Sr. Jaſ. Yes, yes.
Ola L. Sure, So then there's no burt in't[ hope, but where is heI
Sr. Jaſ. He's in the nextroom with my Wife.
we.
© Old L. Squeam. Nay, if youtruſt him with-your Wife, I may with my Biddy,” they
fay he's a. merry harmleſs Man now, een as harmleſs a"Man as ever came out of 7taly,
_ 4hgood voice, and as pretty harmleſs company for a Lady, as 4 Snake without his
eet
Sr. Faſ. Ay, ay, poor Man.
7, Enter Mrs, Squeamiſh.
Squeam, Lcan't find em: Oh, are you here, Grandmother, I follow'd, you muſt
know, my Lady Fiaget hither, 'tis the pretrieſt lodging, and 1 have been ſtaring on the
prettieſt:-Pictures.
Enter Lady Fidget with a piece of China in her hand, and Wea folowihg.'
La. Fid. AndI have been toyling and moyling, for the prettieſt plece of China , my
Dear.
Hor. Nay, ſhe has been too hard for me, do.what1 cou'd.
Squeam, Oh, Lord, FIl have fome China!too, good Mr. Hower,don't think to = 0
ther People China, and me none;; come in with,me too.
Hor, Upon my honour l have 1none left now. ©
Squeam, Nay,nay, I have known you deny your, China before now,- bityoutarput
me off {o, come—
Hor. This Lady had the laſt there. h = '
La. Fid. Yes indeed, Madam, to my certain knowledge he has no more tft.” %—
Squeam. O, but it may be he may have ſome you could not” find. ' ©; ; © OnP
La. Fid. What d'ye think if he had had any left, I would. not hpvehad ittoo, fotwe
Women cf Quality never think we have China. enough!
Hor. Do not take it ill, T cannot make China for you all, butrwiallhaves Rol-jeag-
gon: far -you too, anothertime, | RS
Squeam. T hank you, dear Toad.” - * ny ©: Harner 4fiqe.
La. Fid, W hat do you mean by that promiſe? CT, *; | STS
G 2 25+ = I Flor, Alas,”
|44 | el The Cary Wiſe .
- Hor. Alas, ſhe has an Innocent, literal underſtanding. .© [Apart to Lady Fidget,
= . Old L. Squeam. Poor Mr. Horner, he has e to do to pleaſe you ul,I ſee.
' Her. Ay, Madam, you ſee how oy uſe me. |
Od L. Squeam. Poor Gentleman, |pittyyo
_ Hor. I thank you, Madam, I could neyer Handpity@but from fach reverend Ladies as
ou are, the yopng, ones will.never ſpare a Man.
7 Squeam. rene, Beaſt, and - dine with us, for we ſhall want a Manat Hombre
after dinner.
.- Hor. Thar's all their uce of me, Madam, you ſee.
. Sqzeam: ComeSloven, "Il lead you to be ſure of you. FPullshim bytheCravat:
"Od L. Squeam. Alas poor Man, how ſhe tugs him, kiſs, kifsher, that's the way to make
ſuch nice. Women quiet.
.Hor. No, Madam, that Remedy is worſe than the torment, they know I dare ſuffer
any thing rather than do it.
O14 L. Squeam. Prithee kiſs her, and PII give you her PiQure in little, that you admi-
xed ſo laſt night, prithee do.
.. Hor: Well, nothing but that con'd bribe me, I love aWoman only in Effigy and good
© painting, as muchas I hate them ——Pll do'tt, for I cou'd adore the Devil well pain-
ted. © [ERifſts Mrs. Squeam.
- Squeam. Foh, yau filthy Toad, nay, now Fve done xcſting. |
Old L. Squears. Ha, ha, ha, I told you ſo..
Squeam. Foh, a kiſs of his _—
Sr. Ja. Has no more hurt in t, than one of my Spaniels,
Squeam. Nor no more good neither.
Qu. | will now believe any thing he tells me. I LLBehind.
Enter Mr. Pinchwife.
" La. Fid: 0 Lord, here's a Man, Sir Jaſper, my Mask, "of Mask, I wow'd notbe ſeen
here for the World. ;
Sr.Jaſ. What, not when I am1 with you?
La. Fid. No,no, my honour let's begone.
Squeam.. Oh Grandmother, let us be gone, make haſte, make haſte, I know not how he |
* may cenſure us. .
_ La. Fid. Be found in the lodging of any thing likeaMan, away.
LExeunt Sir Jaſper, La. Fid. Old La. Squeam, Mrs. Squeamiſh:
On. What's here, another Cuckold =— he looks like one, and none elſe ſure have any
buſineſs with him. -. [ Behind,
Hor. What brings my dear Friend hither ?” EN
Ar. Pin. Your impertinency.
Hor. My impertinency ———why you Gentlemen that have got handſomeWives;
think youhave a priyiledge of faying any thing to your Friends, and are as brutiſh a$
ifyou were Creditors,
"Xr- Pin. No, Sir,Þlt ner truſt you any Way. oO

_. Hor. But.why not, dear Jack, why diffide in me, .thou know'ſt. { well? |
© Ar. Pin. Becauſe I do know you { well. |
» .,Hor., Han't I been always thy Friend, honeſt Zack, always ready to ſerve thee, in love;
| orbarte],before thou wert married, and am ſoſtill ? © LET
. Jr. Pim. I believe ſo, you wou'd be my ſecond, now indeed:
Eby. Well
 The Conntry Wife. 5 ED ; 45 .
Hor. Well then dear Jack, why ſo unkind, fo grum, fo ſtrange to me, come prithee
kiſs me dear Rogue, gadI was always Ifay, and am ſtill as much thy Servant as———
My. Pin. As Tan yours, Sir. What you wouv'd ſend a kiſsto my Wife, is that it ? *
Hor. So there 'tis—— a Man cart ſhew his Friendſhip to a married Man, but pre: _
ſently he talks of his Wife to you opſthee let thy Wife alone, and let thee and [ be all
one, as we were wont, what thou atTas ſhy of my kindneſs as a Lumbard-ſtreet Alder-
man of a Courtier's civility at Lockers. «
My. Pin: But you are over kind to me, as kind as if I were your Cuckold already, yet
I muſt confeſs you ought to be kind and civil to me, ſinceIam ſo kind, fo civil to you,
as to bring you this, look you there, Sir. [Delivers him a Letter.
Hor. What is't? o
Ar. Pin. Only a LoveLetter, Sir. g |
Hor, From whom — how, this is from your wife hum——and hum —
[_Reads.
24r. Pin. Evenfrom my Wife, Sir, am not I wonderous kind and ciyil to you, now.
too ? |
But you'll not think her ſo. _ dg | (dide.
Hor. Ha, is this a trick of his, or hers ? (Afide.
A. Pin. The Gentleman's ſarpriz'dI find, what, you expected a kinder Letter ?
Hor. No faith, not I, how cou'd 1? ; |
Mr. Pin, Yes, yes, I'm ſure you did a Man ſo well made as you are muſt needs be diſ-
appointed, if the Women declare not their pafſion at firſt ſight or opportunity.
Hor. But what ſhould this mean? ſtay, the Poſtſcript. y < .

Be fure you love me, whatſoever my Hwsband ſays to the contrary, and let him not ſee
this, leſt he ſhou'd come home, and pinch me, or kill my Squirrel. [Reads afide..
It ſeems he knows not what the Letter contains. (Aſide.
Atr. Pin. Come, ne'er wonder at it ſo much,
Hor. Faith, I can't help it. |
Ar. Pin. Now, I think, I have deferv'd your infinite Friendſhip, and kindneſs, and
have ſhewed my ſelf ſufficiently an obligtng kind Friend and Husband, am 1'nor, to brins._-
a Letter from my Wife to her Gallant ? | #-4
Hr. Ay, the Devil take me, art thou the moſt obliging kind Friend and Husband
in the World, ha, ha. | |
My. Pin. Well, you may be merry, Sir, but in ſhort I muſt tell you, Sir, my henour
will ſuffer no jeſting. , Wu
Hor. What do'ſt thou mean?
My.Pin. Does the Letter want a Comment ? then know Sir, though F have been {6
civil aHusband asto bring you a Letter from my Wife, / to let you kiſs and. court her
. to my Face, I will not be 4 Cuckold, Sir, I will not.
- Hor. Thou art mad with jealouſie, I never ſaw thy Wife in my life, but at the Play
yeſterday, and I know not if it were ſhe or no : I court her, kiſs her ! |
Ax. Pitr.. 1 will not be aCuckold, ſay, there will be danger in making m2 a Cues
Lold:;, _ : | |
Hor. Why, wert thou not well cur'd of thy laſt clap ?
Mr, Pin, | wear a Sword. | |
Hor. It ſhou'd be taken from thee, leſt thou ſhonld'ſt do thy felf a miſchief with is,
thou art mad, Man. 3."
Ar. Pin..
 » 0 ,
Oy UP ” vw . a va tw '#

=_ * | The'Conntry Wife, - ;
Ar. Pin, As mad ag Tam, and as merry as youare, I muſt have more reaſon from you
e*er we part, 1 ſay again, though you kiſS'd and courted laſt night:my Wite in Man's
clothes, as ſhe confeſſes in her Letter.. . | .
Hor.; fa, ——. 6 - "DC 4ſrde.
_ Ur. Pin, Both ſhe and 1 ſay, you- muſt not deſigngg again, for you have miſtaken your
Woman, as you have done your Man. | |
.. Hir. Oh --—-- 1 underſtand ſomething now . (Aſide,
Was that thy Wife ? why would'ſt thou not tell me *twas ſhe? faith my freedom with
her was your fault, not wine. | :
AM. Pin. Faith, fo *'twas - | (Afide.
Hor, Fye, I'd never do't toa Woman, before her Husband's face, ſure.
. Mr. Piz. But had rather youſhqu'd do't to my Wite before my face, than behind my
back, and that you ſhou'd never.
| Hor. No ——- you will hinder me.
* Ar. Pin, If I wou'd not hinder you, you fee by her ketter ſhe won'd. |
Hor. Well, I muſt &en acquieſce then, an4 be contented with what ſhe writes,
Ar. Pin. T1 aſſure yon *twas yoluntarily writ,I had no hand int, you may believe me, *
Hvr. I do believe thee, faith. ES: Yi te :
' Mr. Fin, And believe her too, for ſhe's an innocent Creature, has no difſembling in her,
and ſo fare you well, Sir. \ Elia
Hor. Pray, however, preſent my, humble ſervire to fer, and telhhef I will obey her
«Letter to a tittle, and fulfill her deſires, be what they. will, or with what difficulty ſoe-
ver do't, and youwthall be no mortjealons of me, | warrant her, and you——
My. Pin, Well, then fare you 'well, and play With any Mans honour bur niine, kiſs any
Man's Wife but mine, and welcome —— RED! [Exit Mr. Pinch
Hoy. Ha, ha, ha, Door. | | ;
Qu. It ſeems he has not heard the report of you, or does not believe it?
Hor. Ha, ha, now DoYJor, what think you ? |
——_—
?
2u. Pray let's fee the Letter —= hum- for ——dear Love, you ——
PENIS Got [Reads the Letter,
Hor. 1 wonder how ſhe cou'd contrive it what ſay'ſ{t thou to't, tis an Original.
_ Os. Soare your Cuckolds too Originals: for they are like! no other common Cue-
kolds, and I will henceforth belieye it not impoſſible for you to Cuckold theGrand Sig-
nior amidft his Gnards of Eunuchs, that 1fay —— | |
Hor. And I fay forthe LetRr, *tis the firſt Love-Letter that ever was without Flames
Darts, Fates, Deſtinies, Lying, and Diſſemblingir't, = | act) on *
i : - Enter Sparkiſh, pulling in Ar. Pinchwife, CTY WTTS
Spar. Come back, you are a pretty Brother-in-law, neither-goto Church, nor'to,ilin-
ner with your Siſter Bride. _ p t on
; —þ Pin. My Siſter denies her marriage, and you ſee is gone away from you difſa-
tish'd. w- | ;
Spar, Pſhaw, upona fooliſh ſcruple, that our Parfon was not in lawful Orders, and did
not fay all the Common-Prayer, bur.'tis her modeſty only I believe, but let Women'be
never ſo modeſt the firſt day, they'll be ſ::retocome to themſelves by night, and:I ſhall
have-enough of her then in the, mean time, Harry Horner, you muſt dine with me, ] keep
_ , wy Wedding at my Aunts in the Piazza.

Hor, Thy
 The Country Wife. | O 47
Hor. Thy wedding !what ſtale Maid has liv'd todeſpair ofa Husband, or what younf
one of a Gallant ?
\ Spar O your Servant Sir this Gentleman's Siſter then—— No ftale Maid.
Hor. I'm ſorry for't.
Ar. Pin. How comes he ſo coggern'd for her - | (Ajide.
Spar. You ſorry for't, why do you know any ill by her ?
Hor.No, Iknow none hut by thee, *tis for her ſake, nor yours,and another Man's fake
that might have hop'd, 1 thought
Srar. Another Man, another Man ! what is his Name ?
Hor, Nay, ſince "tis paſt he ſhall be nameleſs.
Poor Harcourt, I am ſorry thou haſt miſt her (Aſide.
Ar. Pin. He ſeems to be much troubled at the match ——— | (Aſide.
Spar. Prithee tel] me — nay, you ſhar't go Brother, > OY
Ar. Pin. F muſt of neceſſity, but PII come to you at dinner. Exir Pinchwife.
Spar. But Hariy, what have I a Rival in my Wife already 1 but withal my heart, for -
he may be of uſe to me hereafter, for though my hunger is now my ſawce, and I can fall.
on heartily without, butthe time will come, when aRivyal will be as good ſawce for a
married Man to a Wife, as an Orange to Veal. WS F £09
Hor, .O thon damn'd Rogue, tnon haſt ſet my teeth on edge with thy Orange.
Spar. Then let's to dinner, there Iwas with you again, come. |
Hor. But"who dines with thee ! | |
Spar, My Friends and Relations, my Brother P;zchwife, you ſee, of your acquaintance.
Hor, And his Wife. |
Spar, No *gad, he'll ne'er let her come amongſt us good Fellows, your ſtingy Country
Coxcomb keeps his Wife from his Friends,as he does his little Firkin of Ale, for his own
drinking, and a Gentleman can't get a ſnack on*r, but his Servants, when his Þick '*is
turn'd, broach it at their pleaſares, and duſt ir away, ha, ha, ha, ?gad I am witty I think,
conſideringI was married to day, by the World, but come
Har. No, I will not dine with you, un'eſs you can fetch her to.
Sper. Pſhaw, what pleaſure canſt thou have with Women now, Harry.
Hor. My eyes are not gone, I love a good proſpeR yet, and will not dine with Fon,
unlefs ſhe :does too, go fetch her therefore, .but do not tell her Husband, *tis: for my
. Take, |
Spar, Well, I'll go try what I can do, 1c the mean time come away to my Aunts lodg-
ing, *tis in the way to Pjnchwife's: : |
Hyr.The poor Woman has callF'd for aid, and fſtretcl'd forth her hand, Door, Ican-
not but help, her over the Pale ont of the Bryars. CExeunt Sparkiſh, Horner,Quack,
The Scene changes to Pinchwite's houſe,
Mrs. Pinchwite alone, learing on ber elbow. ATable, Pen, Ink, and Paper.
Ars. Pin. Well *tis &en fo, I have got the London Diſeaſe, they call Love : I am ſick
of my Husband, and for my Gallant, I have heard this Diſtemper call'd a Fever, but
methinks tis liker an Ague, for when I think of my Husband, 1 tremble, and am in a.
cold ſweat, and have inclinations to yomit, but when I think of my Gallant} dear Mr.
Horner, my hot: fit comes, and I amall in a Fever, indeed, and as in other Fevers, my '
- own Chamber is tedious to me, and I wou'd fain be removed to his, and then methinks
I ſhou'd
be well ; ah poor Mr. Horner, well I cannot, will not ſtay here, therefore PI
| | maks
 48 - The Conntry Wife.
| wake an end of my Letter to hint, which ſhall be a finer Letter than my laft, becauſe 1
L ave ſtudied it like any thing ; O Sick, Sick ; [T akes the Pen and writ es.
Enter Ar. Pinchwife, who ſeeing her writing, ſteals ſoftly behind her, and
looking over her ſhoulder, ſnatches the Paper from ber.
Ar. Pin. What, writing more Letters ?
Ars. Pin, 9 Lord, Bud, why d'ye fright [She effers to run out © heſtops her, and
me {9? [| reads.
Mr.Pin. How's this ! nay, you ſhall not ſtirMadam. | {
Dear, dear, dear, Mr. Horrer — very well ——I have taught you to write Letters to 4
good purpoſe —- but let's feet, |
Fit 1am to beg your pardon for my boldneſs in writing toyou, which I'd have you
to know, Iwou'd not have done, had you not ſaid firſt you loy*d me ſo extremely, which
if you do, you will never ſuffer me to lie inthe arms of another Man, whom 1 loath,
nauſeate, and deteſt ——[Now you can write theſe filthy words] but what follows-— |
= Therefore, I hope you will ſpeedily find ſome way to free -me from this unfortunate
- match, which was never,I aſſure you, of my choice, buc I'm afraid *tis already too far
gone; however, if you love me, as I do you, you will try what you can do, but you
-muſt help me away before to morrow, or elſe alas I ſhall be for ever out of your reach,
'_ for I candefer no longer our our — —— what Is to follow our-- ſpeak *
what ? our Journey into [The Letter concludes. ' }
the Country I ſuppoſe Oh Woman, dimn'd Woman, and Love, damn'd Love, |
- »their old Tempter, for this is one of his miracles ; in a moment he can make thoſe blind |
\ that cou'd ſee, and thoſe ſee that were blind, thoſe dumb that cov'd ſpeak, and thoſe
. .prattle who were dumb before, nay, what is more than all, make theſe dow-bak'd,
ſenfleſs, indocile animals, Women, too hard for us their Politick Lords and Rulers in a
moment ; Bvt make anend of your Letter, and then I'll make an end of you thus, and
all my plagues together. | [Draws his Sword.
-. Mrs. Fja, O Lord, O Lord, youare ſuch a paſſionate Man, Bud. -
Enter Sparkaſh. |
Spar. How now, whats here to do ?- on
AM. Pin. This Fool here now !
Spar. What, draw upon your Wife ! you ſhou'd never do that, but at night in the
dark, when you can't hurt her, this is my Siſter-in-law, is it not ?. ay, faich e'en our
Country Margery, [Pulls aſide ber Handkerchief.] one may know her ; come, ſhe and you
mult go to dine with me, dinner's ready, come, but where's my-Wife, is ſhe not come ].
home yet, where is ſhe ?
Mr. ja. Making you a Cuckold, 'tis that they alſo do, as ſoon as they can.
Spar. What the Wedding day ! no, a Wife that defigns to make, a Cuckold of her
Husband, will be ſure to let him win the firſt ſtake of love, by theWorld; but come they
ſtay dinner for us, come 1'Ilead down our Margery. |
Ars Pin. No - Sir go, we'll follow you,
Spar. I wiil not wag without you. = |
"om Pin. This Coxcomb is a ſenſible torment to me amidſt the greateſt in the
orld, | *

Spar. Come, come Madam Margery. " "

»
{P44

Ar. Pin. No, Ill lead her my way, what wou'd you 5 Leads her to rather door, and +
treat your Friends with mine,for want of your on Wife? L locks her jn, and returns.
I am

UMI
 | The Country Wife. © 49
I am contented my rage ſhou'd take breath — | [Afede'
Spar. I told Horner this, | f
AAr. Pin. Come now.
Spar, Lord, how ſhye you are ofyour Wife: . but let me tell you Brother, we Men of
' Wit have amongſt us a ſaying, that Cuckolding like the ſmall Pox comes with a fear,and
. you may keep your Wife as much as you will out of danger of infe&ion, but if her conſti- |
tution incline her to't, ſhell have it ſooner or later by the World, ſay they. # .
Ar. Pin, What a thing 1si a Cuckolg, that every Fool can make him ridiculous —-
(Af,bs
Well Sir ——But let me adviſe you, now you are come to be concern'd, becauſe you ſuſ-
pect the danger,not to neglect the means to prevent it, eſpecially when the greateſt ſhare
of the Malady will:-light upon your own heads, for |
Howſoe're the kind Wife's Belly comes to ſwell,
The Husband breeds for her, and firſt is ill,
EN

ACT, 38cEmES
Mr. Pinchwife's Houſe. |
Enter Mr. Pinchwife and Mrs. Pinchwife. 4 Table and Candle. wa

Mr. Pin. (me, take the Pen and make an end of the Letter, juſt as you intended;
if you are falſe in a tittle, I ſhall ſoon perceive it, and puniſh you with
this as you Jarve, [Lays his hand on * Sword.] write what was to follow———— let's
ſee [You muſt make |haſte and help me away before to morrow, or elſe I ſhall be
for-ever out of your reach, tor I can defer no longer our -—-J] What follows our ?—
As. Pin. Muſt all out then Budd? Look you F 44s. Pinch. takes the Pen and
there then, * | 7M
rm————ncs My. Pin. Lets ſee—[For I can defer no longer onr--——Wedding
Cm Your fighted
'Alithea] What's the meaning of this, my Siſter's name to't, ſpeak, unriddle?
Ars. Pin. Yes indeed, Budd.
Atr. Pin. But why her name to't ſpeak, ——ſpeak, 1fay ??
rs. Pin. Ay, but you'll tell her then again, if you wou'd not tell her again —
Mr. Pin. 1 will not, I am ſtunn'd, my head turns round, ſpeak.
Hrs. Pin. Won't you tell her indeed, and indeed.
Ar. Pin. No, ſpeak, I ſay.
Ars. Fin. She'll be angry with mez but I had rather he ſhould "VEWWYwith me, than
you Budd; and to tell you the truth, *twas ſhe made me write the Letter, and taught me
what I ſhould write.
Mr. Pin. Ha [I thonght the ſtile was ſomewhat better than her own,] CA de.
| cou'd ſhe come to you to teach you, ſince I had lock'd you up alone?
AMy3, Pin. O through the key- hole, Bodd. |
Mr. Pin. But why ſhou'd ſhe make y@vrite a Letter for her to'tim, lince: ſhe can
write her ſelf? Ys IPs
Mrs. Pin, Why iſhe faid becauſce—for I was unwilling to ds it, |
| H IRIS. LEE Mr. Pam;
 —

j s J
Ot The Country W rife.
— Oz. © Py
y " —

1s Fin. Becauſe what becauſe. b

; Mrs. Pin. Becauſe leſt Mr. Horner ſhould be cruel, and refuſe her; or vain afterwards,
- - and ſhew the Letter, ſhe might diſown it, the hand not being hers. : :
Ar. Pin. How's this ? ha —--—- then I think I ſhall come to my ſelf again — This
; changeling cou'd notinvent this lye,qþut if ſhe cou'd, why ſhould ſhe? ſhemight think ]
ſhoulg, ſoon diſcover it — —- ſtay — nowI think on't too, Horner ſaid he was ſorry
ſhe had married Sparkiſh, and her diſowning her marriage to me, makes me think ſhe has - |
evaded it, for Horner's ſake, yet why ſhould ſhe take this courſe? but Men in love are
fools, Women may well-be {o - ET (Aſide. -
But hark you Madam, your Siſter wentoutin the morning, and T have not ſeen her with- -
a bace.. * - |
Ars. Pin. Alacka day, ſhe has been crying all day above.it ſeems 1n a corner.
Afr. Pj, Where is ſhe, let me ſpeak with her. _ | |
:, P;2. O Lord, then he'll diſcover all —— Aſide,
2r2; 1074 Budd, what d'ye-mean to diſcover me, ſhe'll know TIhave told you then, pray .J
"3:0 1et rac talk with her firſt-——-
7.7, 1 muſt ſpeak with her, to know whether Horner ever made her any pro-
14:.; aid whether she be married to Sparkiſh or no.
A175. Pin.- Pray, dear Budd don't, till I kave ſpoken with her, and told her thatI have.
told you all, for she'll kill me elſe.
_#*27;, Pix. Go, then, and bid her come out to me.
" _ Ars, Pin. Yes, yes Budd
Are Pit, Let me ſce ——
44s. Pin. VII go, but'she isnot within to come to him, I have juſt got time to know of
Lucy her Maid, who firſt ſet me on work, what lye Ishall tell next, for lam cen at
my wits end -— , [Exit Ars. Pin.
Ar. Pin; Well, I reſolve it, Horner Shall have her, I'd rather give him my Siſter,-
then Tend him my Wife,. and ſuch an alliance will prevent his pretenſions to my Wife -
ſure FL make him of kin to her, and then he won't care for her.
" [ AMdrs. Pinchwife returns
_—7 Pia, O Lord, Budd, I told you what. anger you would make me with my
Siſter. |
Mr. Pia. Won't she come hither?
Mrs. Pin. No, no, alack a day, She's asham'd to look you in the face, and she ſays, if
you go into her, she'll ran away down ſtairs, and shamefully go her ſelf to Mr. Horzer,
who has promis'd her marriage, she ſays, and she will have no other, ſo she won't
Ar. Pin. Did he fo——promiſe her marriage——then $he $hall have no other, go
tell her ſo,and ifshe will comeand diſcourſe with mea little concerning the means, I will
about it immediately, g0—— - (Exit Mrs.Pinchwife
His eſtate is equal to Sparkiſh'*,and his extraQtion as rauch better than his, as his parts are;
but my Chief reaſon is, Pd rather be of kin to him by the name of Brother-in-law, than
that of Cuckold -
Well what ſays she now ? Bf: "
;:: Als. Pin... Why She fays she would only hg 49 lead her to Horner's lodging ——
with whom $he firſt will diſcourſe the matter Þbetore $he talks with you, which yet she
4 cannot do, for alack; pvor creature, Sheſays she can't ſo much as look you in the face,
therefore ſhe'll come to-you in a mask, and you muſt excuſe her if she make you no an-
=} ane ſwer
” -
a- "Er. *

UMI)
 Y

- The Country Wife: | 21.

q * ſmer to any queſtion of yours, till you have brought her to Mr. Hoyer, and if you will
not chide her, nor queſtion her, she']l come out to you immediately, :
Ke Mr, Pin, Let her come ; 1 will not fpeak aword to her, nor require a word from
her. |
| Mrs, Pin, Oh,1 forgot, beſides she ſays, she cannot look you in the face, tho th rough
- a mask, therefore wou'd deſire you to put out the Candle. '
I 244, Pin. 1 agree toall, let her make haſt — FSExit Mrs. Pinchwife, puts out
| ' there *tis out——
My caſe is ſomething better ; I'd ra- the Candle,
' ther fight with Horner, for not lying with my Siſter, than for lying with my Wife and
of the two, I had rather find my Siſter too forward, than my Wife, I expected no other
from her free education, as she calls it, and her paſſion-for the Town —-— well ——
Wife and Siſter are names which make us expect Love and Duty, Pleaſure and Cemfort
but we find *em plagues and torments, and are equally, though differently, troubleſom
| *tq their keeper; for we have as much ado to get People to lie with our Siſters, as to
' +] © *keep'em from lying with our Wives, : |
- Enter Mrs, Pinchwite Aasked and in a Hoed and Scarf, and a Night-gown
' andPetticoat of Alitheas, in the dark.
' What are you come Siſter? let us go then— but firſt let me lockup my Wife. Mrs, 1Mar=
** ]-.. gery, where are you? _ |
Ars. Pin, Here Budd.
© 2. Pin, Come hither, that I may lock you up, get you in. Come Siſter» SFLocks rhe
|-where are you now ? C door
L 44rs. Pinch. gives him her hand, but when he.lets her go, fie ſteals ſoftly on Pother -
(ide of him, and is (gd away by him for his Siſter Alithea]
Ren

The Scene changes to Horner's Lodging,

> | | Quack, Horner.
I #, What. all alone, not ſo much "as one of your Cuckolds here, nor one of their
# Wives! they
uſe to take their turns with you, as if they were to watch . you,
2 Hor. Yes, It often happens that a Cuckold is but his Wife's ſpie, and is more npon fa-
_—
| mily duty, when he is with her gallant abroad hindering his pleaſure, than when he is at
home with her playing the Gallant ;but the hardeſt dutya married Woman impoſes upon
a Lover, is keeping her Husband company always.
4. And his fondneſs wearies you almoſt as ſoon as hers, |
C
? For. A Pox, keeping 2 Cuckold company after you have had his Wife, is as tireſome
f as the Company of a Country ' Squire to.a witty Fellow of the Town, when he has-g6t
| 4
: | :
his Mony.
i " 2s. has at firſta Man makesa Friend ofthe Husband to get the Wife, ſo at laſt you"
P are fain to fall out with the Wife to be rid of the Husband.
3 Hor. Ay, moſt Cuckold-makers are true Courtiers, when once a poor Man has crack'd
|
; his credit for *em they can't abide to come near him.
” to Pinch-
Ou. But. at* firſt to draw him in are ſo ſweet, ſo kind, ſo dear, juſt as you are
y
wiſe ;but what becomes of that intrigue-with his Wife ? ſo coy, his:
- Hari)A Pox, he's as furly as an”Alderman that has been bit, and ſince he's ES
- Wifes kindneſs-isin vain, for he's a filly ingocent,
, ' £«, Did ſhe not ſend-you a Letter by him ?
5 H 2

UMI
 #$*x

2. The Country Wife.

t7r. Yes. but that's a riddle I have not yet ſolv'd- —allow the poor creature to be
wiliaz, ſheis lilly too, and he keeps her up ſo cloſe ———— |
©. Yes, ſo cloſe that he makes her but the more willing, and adds but revenge to her
love, which two, when met, ſeldom mil of ſatisfyingeach other one way 0r other.
£or. Whar, here's the man we are talkiny of, I think. |
Enter Mr. Pinchwife, leading in his Wife masked, muffled, and in her
Siſter's Gown,
Flor. Pſhaw, ON |
Q#, Bringing his Wife to you is the next thing to bringing a Love Letter from her.
Ho . What means this?
Ar. Fin. The laſt time' you kno Sir, 1 brought you a Love Letter, now you ſee a
Miftreſs, Ithink you'll fay Iama'civil Man to you.
Hor. Ay, the Devil take me, Iwill ſay thou art the civilleſt Man I ever met with,andl |
have known ſome z I faicy, 1 underſtand thee now, better than I did the Letter, but hark |
tlice In-the car
44+. Pin. VVhat? |
Hor. Nothing bat the nſual queſtion Man, 1s ſhe- ſound on thy word? _
Atr. Piz. What you take her for a Wench, and me for a Pimp ? |
Hor. Pihaw, Wench and Pimp, paw words, I know thouartan honeſt Fellow, and haſt
a great acquaintance among the Ladies, and perhaps, haſt made love for me, rather than
'?r'me make love to thy Wife — ©
Ar. Pin, Come Sir, in ſhort, I am for no fooling.
Hor, Norl neither, therefore,prithee let's ſee her face preſently, make her ſhow Man; *
art thon ſure 1.don't know her ? os | A -
+ 4y. Pin, am ſure you do know her.
Hor. A Pox, why doſt thon bring her to me then? -
Mr. Pin. Becauſe ſhe's a Relation of mine, |
Hor. Is ſhe faith Man, then-thouart ſtill more civil and obliging, dear Rogue.
Ar. Pin Who deſired me tobring her to you, | ©
*"Ztor. Then ſhe is ohliging, dear Rogue. *
Ar. Pin. \ ow'Il make her welcome for my ſake I hope.
. _ I hope ſhe's handſame enough to make her felf welcome ;z prithee let her un-
masK. 28 X
Hr. 4 Ben you ſpeak to her, ſhe wou'd never be ruPd by me. |
» ci Hor. Madam — ' Mrs. Pinch. whi I
COL ITCCE Hart with ine in prime; wichirew widen ieereco Hor:
- = Pin. She's unwilling, 1t ſeems, I ſhou'd know all her undecent condu in this buſi-
nes —— :
, Well then I'll leave you together,and hope when ] am gone you'll agree, if not Hg
4 ſhan't agree, Sir. Kh "n
_ What means the Foot? if ſhe andIagree *tis no matter what you and
I do. | |
Whiſpers to Mrs, Pin. who makes ſigns with her hands for him to be gone |]
Ar. Pin. In the mean timePIl fetch a Parſon
and find
, out Sparkiſr, and difabuſe-him.
You wou'd have me fetch a Parſon, would you not ? well then-—— Now Lthink I am
rid of her, and ſhall have no more trouble with her —— Our Siſters and Daughters like
. _ _Uſurers

UMI
 The Country Wife. f 53
Uſcrers money, «zre ſafeſt when put out ; but our Wires, like their Writing:
ſafe, but in our Cloſets under Lock and Rey. IP (Maes vin.
| SY Enter By.
Boy. Sir Jaſper Fidget, Sir,is coming up. |
Hor. Here's the trouble of a Cuckold, now we are talking of, a pox on him, he has
not enough to do to hinder his Wife's ſport, but he muſt other Women's tao.- - Srep
in here, Madam. - . (Exit Ms. Pin,
Enter Sir, Jaſper, | ;
Sr. Jaſ. My beſt and deareſt Friend,
Hor. The old ſtile, Dotor — av

Well, be ſhort, for I am-buſie, what would your impertineat Wife have now ?
Sr. Jaſ. Well gueſs'd y* faith, for I do come from her.
Hor. Toinvite me to ſupper, tell her I can't come, go. ;
Sr. Jaſ.- Nay,now you are out, faith, for my Þady and the whole knot of the virtuous +
gang, as they call themſelves, are reſolved upon a frolick of coming to you tonight in
Maſquerade, and are all dreſt already,
Hor. I ſhan't
be at ——_ WE | "FLEEC \s
Sr. Jef. Lord, how churliſh he 1s toWomen ———-nay, pray thee don't diſappoint
**m, they'll think "tis wy fault, prithee don't, Pll ſend in the Banquet and the Fid-
dles, but make no Boiſe on't, for the poor virtuous Rogues would not have it known
for the World, that they go a Maſquerading, and they would come to no Man's Ball,
but yours. :
Hor, Well, well-—-get you gone, and tell *em, if they come, *twill be at the
| Peril.of-
their honoursand yours. Fiw Þ 4

Sr. Jaſ. Heb, he, he — we'll truſt you for that, farewell— (ExitSir Jaſper,
| Eh
Hor. Door anon you too ſhall be my gugft | | |
" Buatnow I'm going to a private fealt.
« The Scene changes to the Piazza of Covent-Garden, a
parkiſh, Pinchwife. F bowed
<ar, But who would have thonght aWoman could have been falſe {'Spar. withsbe Lar=i
hndablin
Fer ju6 bir:
to me, by the World, Icovld not have thought it,
Mr. Pin. You were for giving and taking Liberty, ſhe has taken it only Sir, now-you
find in that Letter, you are a frank Perſon, and ſo is ſhe you ſee there; - *-
; Spar. Nay, if this be her hand — for I never ſaw jt,-- F 1 SITE
Spar. ?Tis no watter whether that beher hand or no, I amifure this hand:ather xte-;
Gre led her to Mr. Horger, with whom I left her juſt now, to go to.fetth aParſon”to
their deſire too, to deprive youofher for ever, forit ſcems yours was butamdck:
*>m at—_—_— ,
. Þ Tþ | Ky aCi >} Þ "&- 2. JOfL CA QA |
garb, Indeed, ſhe wou'd needs have it, that *twas Harcourt himſelf ina Parſon's "ut]
that married us, but I'm ſure he told me*twas his Brother Ned. - . 7 +.
My. Pin. O, there tis out, and you were deceiv'd, not ſhe, for.you 'are Ach a frank
« 271Jv -1

perſon — but I muſt be gone —you'll find her at Mr.. Zorner's, goiand: believe'yaur. eyes,
| & 1 | O05 £257%%.0% 1501 [CExit Wire Sho.
- Spar. Nay T1I to her, and call her as many Crocodiles, Syrens, -Harpies, and other
heatheniſh names, as a Poet would do a Miſtreſs, who:had refus'd to hear his ſuit, nay
more, his Verſeson her. | | T | Far

But
 " The Conntry Wife.
'But ſlay, is not that ſhe following a Torch at t'other end of the Piazza; and from” Hors
'ner'sS? C(ertainly=— "tis ſomne—e | ;
: Enter Alithea follawin? a Torzeb, and Lucy behind, |
* You xre well met, Madam, though you dowt think fo ; what you have made a ſhort vi-
fit to Mr. Horner, but, 1 ſappoſe, you'll retarn to him preſently, by that time the Par-
| {on can be with him.
Aliith. Mr. Hcrner, ard the Parſon, Sir | . |
Spar. Come, Madam, no more difſſembling, no more-jilting, for Iam-no'more a:frank
perion. | |
Alith. How's this. *
Lucy. So, "twill workI ſee — ] (Aſide.
| Spar. Coud you find out no eafte Country Fool to-abuſe ?none but me, a Gentleman
of Wit ard Pleaſure about the Town, bur it was your pride to be too hard for a Man
of Parts, unworthy talfeWoman, falſe as Friend that lends a Man money to loſe, falſe
as Dice, who undo thoſe that truſt all they have to'em, mn
1 xcy He has been a great babble by his ſimilies, as they ſay—— - (Aſide.
Alith. You have been too merry, Sir, at your Wedding-dinner fure...
- Spar. What d'ye mock me too? AO SSIS
Auth. Or you have been deluded.
—_

| gplous now Madam ——— (Aſide.

Alith. I write a Letter to Mr. Horner ! | ; 0
_ Spar, Nay, Madam, donot deny it, your Brother ſhew'd it me juſt now, and'told me
"likewiſe he left youat Horner's lodging to fetch a Parſon, to marry you to him, and 1
- wiſh you/joy, Madam, joy, joy, and"tohim too, much joy, and to-myſelf more joy, for
not marrying you. . Ty
-Alith. So, Ifind my Brother word break off the match, and I can conſent to't, fince
- 1 ſee this Gentlemancan be made jealous. ; (Aſide.
O Lacy, by his rude art wrergonr makes me almoſt afraid I am married to him,
_
_ art thon ſare*twas Farcurr himfelf, and no Parſqn that married;vs?
Spw.:' No, Madaw,J-thank-you,.l ſuppoſe'that was ia contrixance
too of Mr. Forner's
) and yours, tomake-ZAacom play the Parſon, butIwonld:as little as you: have him one
- now, no not for the World ; for ſhall Itell you another truth, I never had any paſſion
for pou, "till now, for how; Ehate-you ; ?tis true, 1 might have married your'portion, as
- other Menof Parts of the/Town.do ſometimes ;. and ſo your Servant and to ſhew my
- unconceriBneſs, 111:cometo your Wedding, and reſign you withasmuch joy, as 1
, would a ftale Weich:toa new Cully, nay, with: as much joy as Iwould after the firft
, night,ifLhad'been marricd to you ; there's for you, and fo your Servant, Servant.
PR 2-5 TBE ent9t% 2 MDONOTO Vo? 1-03 CE xit Spar.
: Afth; How was I deceiv'd ina Man! 4 05 |
Lucy, You'll believe thena Fool may be made jealous now? for that. eafineGinhim that
| j ſuffers
,
+ ,
 þ- b
= y The Country Wife.
ſaffe
by rs s.
other himto be led by a Wife, will likewiſe permit him to be perſwaded againſt her
Alth. Butmarry Mr. Horner, my Brother does not intend it ſure ; if I thought he
did, I wou'd take thi advice, and Mr. Harcourt for my Husband and now I wiſh, that
If there be any over wiſe Woman of the Town, who like me wow'd marry a Fool ,for
Fortune, Liberty, or Title ; firſt, that her Husband may love Play, and be a Cully to
all the Town, but her, and ſuffer none but Fortune to be Miſtreſs of his:purſe ; then
if for Liberty, that he may ſend her _ the Conntry, under the conduct of ſome
houſewifely -Mother-in-law ;- and if for itle, may the World-give '*em none but that *
of Cuckold.
Lucy. And for her greater Curſe, Madam,
may he notdeſerve it.
Alith. Away .impertinent-—1s not this my old Lady ZLanterlus ? |
Lucy. Yes, Madam. [And here I hope, we ſhall and Mr. Harcourt (Aide
(Excunt Ali. Lucy.
| The Scene changes again to Horner's Lodging.
Horner, Lady.Fidget, Mrs. Dainty Fidget, Mrs. Squeamiſh, a Table,
. Banquet, and Bottles.
For. A Pox; they are come too ſoon — before 1 haveſent back my new — Miſtreſs;
all I have now to'do, is to lock her in, that they may not ſce her = (Afide.
La. Fid. That we may be ſure of our welcome, we. have brought an entertainmegt -
with us, and are reſolved to treat thee, dear T
oad. ;
Dain. And that we may be merry to purpoſe, have left Sir Jaſper and my, old Lady
Squeamiſh quarrelling at home at Baggammon, ;
Squeam. Therefore let us make uſe ofour time, leſt they ſhou'dchance to interrupt yg,
La. F1d, Let vs fit then. ; | |
Hor. Firſt, that you may be private, let me lock this door, and that, and I'I wait up-
on youpreſently,
La. Fid. No,Sir, ſhat*em only and your lips for ever, for we muſt truſt you as much + +
as our Women. |
Ar. You know all vanity's kill'd-in me, Thave no occaſion for talking.
La. Fid. Now, Ladies, ſup poſing we had drank each of us'our two Bottles, let us -
ſpeak the truth of our hearts.
Dain. and Squeam. Agreed. ; 1
La. Fid. By thisis Brimmer,
Bri for truth is no whereelſe to be found, [Not in thy heart
falſe Man. (Aſide to Hor.
Hor. You havefound me a trye Man I'm ſure. (Aſide to LadyFid,
La, Fid. Not every way (Aſide ro Hor,
But let us ſit and be merry. | FX

Lady Fidget ſings.

I
Why fhould our damwd Tyrants oblige us to live
Or the pittance of Pleaſure which they only give *
We muſt wot rejoice,
With Wine and with noiſe.

In
 66 % | The Country Wife.
Jn vain we muſt wakein a dull bed alone, ©
Whilſt to our warm Rival the Bottle, they're goree
Then lgy aſide charms, OY | ] \
And take up theſe arms * . © * The Glaſſes,
II.
"T is Wine only gives 'emtheir Courage and Wit,
Becauſe we live ſober ro Men we ſubmit.
Iffor Beanties you'd paſs,
Take a lick of the Glaſs, ;
*T will mend your complexion s, and when they are gone, ”
The beſt red we have is the red of the Grape,
Then Siſters layt an, *_
And damn a good ſhape.
Dain. Dear Brimmer, well in token of 'our openneſs and plain dealing, letus throw
our Mas over our heads, BE.
Hor. So *twill come to the Glaſſes anon. 1 &

Squeam, Lovely Brimmer, let me enjoy him firſt. -

"Za. Fid. No, I never part witha Gallant, till I have try'd him. . Dear Brimmer, that
* -makeſt ovr Housbands ſhort-ſighted.
Dain. And ovr baſhful Gallants bold. ;
Squeam. And for want of a Gallant, the Butler lovely in our eyes, drink Eunnch,
La. Fid. Drink thou repreſentative of a Hushand, damn a Husband.
Dain. And as it were a Husband, an old keeper.
Squeam, And an old Grandmother, ;
Hor. And'an Engliſh Bawd, and a French Chirurgeon.
La. Fid. Ay, we haveall reaſon to curſe %em. .
Hor. For my ſake Ladies. |
La. Fid. No, for our own, for the firſt ſpoils all young Gallants induſtry,
Dain. And the others art makes *em bold only with common Women,
Squeam. And rather run the hazard of the vile Diemper amongſt them, than of a.
denial amongſt vs. ©
Dain. The filthy Toads chuſe Miſtreſſes now, as they do Stuffs, for having been fan-
cy'd and worn by others. | | |
Squeam, For being common and cheap,
La. Fid. Whilſt Women of Quality, like the richeſt'Stuffs, lie untumbled, and un- +
ask'd for. Y
Hor. Ay, neat, and cheap, and new, often they think beſt. | =:
Dain. No, Sir, the Beaſts will be kgown by a Miſtreſs longer than bya ſuit,
Squeam. And *tis not for cheapneſs neither. |
1. Fid. No, for the vain Fops will take up Druggets, and embroider em, but I won-
der at the depraved appetites of wittyMen, they uſe to be out of the common road, and
hare imitation, pray tel] me Beaſt, when you were a Man, why you rather choſe to club
with a multitude in a common houſe, for an entertainment, than to be the only gueſt at
2 good Table. |

Hhor.. Why
 TheTins WIe 57 .
Hor. Why, faith , ceremony and expeaation are unſufferable to thoſe that are ſharp
bent,People always «eat with the beſt ſtomach atan Ordinary wherezvery Man is ſnatch- :
| \ ing for the beſt bit..
La. Fid. Though he get a cut over the ities —— but I have heard People eat moſt |
heartily of another Man's mear, thatis, what they do not pay for.
Hor, When. they are ſure of 1
their welcome and freedom, 'for ceremony in love and
euting 1S as ridiculous as in fighting, falling on briskly is Al ſhould be done in thoſe
occaſions. *,
La. Fid. Well, then let me tell you, Sir, thereis No wikte more ft&edom thani
In
our Houſes, and we take freedom £om a young Perſon as a ſign of good breeding,
oor » Perſonmay be as free as he pleaſes with us, As frolick, as gameſome, as wild-as
e Wi 4
#lor. Han't 1 heard you all declaim againſt wild Men.
- La. Fid.' Yes, but for all that, we think wildneſs ina Man as deſirable a quality, as
in a Duck. or Rabbet :: a tame Man, foh.
fat I know not, but your Reputations frightned me, as much as your Faces invi-
ted me. .-
La. Fid. Our Reputation, Lord? Why ſhow'd'you not think that we Women make -
ufe of our Reputation, as you Men of yours, only to deceive the World with leſs ſu-
ſpicion'; our Virtue is like the State-men's Religion, the Quaker's Word, the Gameſter” $
can and the ©.reat Man's Honour, but to cheat thoſe that truſt us, _ * .
cam. And that Demareneſs, Coyneſs, and Modeſty, that you ſee in onr-*Faces
S in e Boxes at Plays, 1s as much a ſign of a kind Woman, as a Vizard-Mask- in
the Pit.
Dain. For I aſſure you, Women are leaſtmad, when they have the Velvet Vis
zard on. |
La. Fid. You wov'd have found ns honeſt Women itour denials only. + - © 1
Squeani. Our baſbfulneſs is,only the refle&tions of the Men' S. | IK
Dain. We bluſh, whenthey are ſhame-fac'd.
#or. I beg your pardon Ladies, I was decety'd in you deviliſhly ; but " that
mighty pretence to Hononr?
La. Fid. We have told you; but ſometiihes *twas for the ſame reaſon you Mempre-
tend bufineſs often, to'avoid Nt.company, to enjoy the-better; and more privately Wo
Lives, 37 >; O
> But, why, wou'd you never give a Friend a wink then?
£

" La. Fid. Faith, your Reputation ages ap vs as much, as ours did you, .you were b
notoriouſly lewd. 4
Hor. And you ſo ſeemingly honeſt, . | 2 2 nou if
La.:Fid. Was that all that deterr'd you? | | >
Hor. And'ſo expenſive you allow freedom youfay. o |
La. Fid. Ay, ay. #
Hor. ,T hat I was afraid of loſin my. littlemoney, as well as my litfle time, both
which my other pleaſures required:
_ La. Fid. Money,foh-—you talk like a little'fellow now, do ſuchas we expet money?
hr. 1 be g your pardon, Madam, 1 mult confefs, I have heard that great Ladies, like |
great Merchants, Fer bat the higher prizes upon whattheyi 94 Es they arc not, #1
in _—_ of taking the firſt, is ues
I | Dain. Such

—e.
£7
---
 o$ The Conntry Wife..
Dain. Such as we makefſale of our-hearts ?
$qucam. We brib'd for our Love? Fon. "EFT | .
Hor, With your pardon, Ladies, I know, like great Men in Offices, you ſeem to ex+
at flattery and attendance only from your Followers; but you have receivers about you,
and ſuch Fees to pay, a Man is afraid to paſs-your Grants; beſides we mult let you win |,
- at Cards, or we loſe your hearts ; and if you make an a tion, *tis at a Goldſmiths,
Jewellers, or China-trouſe, where for your Honour, you depokite to him, he muſt-pawn
© his,to the puriftual Cit, and ſo paying for what you take up, pays for what he takes vp.
Din. Wou'd you not have vs aſſur'd of our Gallants Love ?
_ Squeam. For Love is better known by Liberality, than by Jealouſie.
& La. Fid. For one may be diſſembled, the other not bat my jealouſie can be no
” longer diſſembled, and they are telling ripe. (Aſide;
Come here's to. our Gallants.in waiting, whom we. muſt name, and Pll begin, thisismy
falſe Rogue. | (Claps himon the back.
Squeam. How | | | : —y
Hor. So all will out now Free” |
Squeam. Did you not tell me, *twas for my ſake only, you reported your ſelfnoman?
ny, (Aſide ro Horner.
Dain. O Wretch ! did youinot ſwear to me, *twas for my. Love, and Honour, you
paſs'd for that thing you do? — (Aſide to Horner.
Hor. $9, 10. DER
4a. Fid. Come; ſpeak, Ladies, thisis my falſe Villain.
Squeam. And mine too.
Dain. And mine. | : : |
Hor. Well then you are all three my falſe Rogues too, and there's an end on'ti _
La. Fid. WelfF then, there's no remedy, Siſter ſharers, let vs not fall out, but have
a care of our Honour ; though we get no Preſents, no Jewels of him, we are ſavers of
our Honour, the Jewel of moſt yalueand uſe, which ſhines yet to the World unſuſpe-
” &ed, though it be counterfeit. nt .
* Hor. Nay, and is Cen as good as 'twere true, provided the World think ſo ; for
* Honour, like Beauty now, only depends an the opinion of others. | |
' _ L4. Fid. Well HarryCommon, Ihope you canbe true to three, ſwear, but 'tis to-
: uypurpoſe, to require your Oath ; for you are as often forſworn, as you ſwear to new
Vomen. |
Hor. Come, faith Mzdam, let us &en pardon one another, for all the difference I id.
betwixt we Men, and you Women,we forſwear our felves at the. beginning ofan Amour,
* you, as long as1it laſts. | | |
| Enter Sir Jaſper Fidget, and Old Lady Squeamiſh. "pong
Sr. 7aſ. Oh, my Lady Fidger, was this your cunning, to come to Mr, Horzer without
me ? but you have been no where elſe, I hope. |
La. Fid, io; Sir Faſper. | | |
Old L. Sqiicar. And you came ſtreight hitger Biddy. | :
Squeam, Y<s, indeed; Lady Grandmother... : |
- Sr, Faf. "Ts well, "tis well, I knew when once they were throughly acquainted with
poor Horner, they'd ne'erbe from him ; you may let her maſqueradeitwith my Wife,
and Horner, and 1 warrant her Reputation ſafe. © oo ry ET

Enter
 The Conntry Wife. | 59
| ” Enter Boy, "2 |
Boy. O,Sir, here's the Gentleman come,whom you bid me not ſuffer to come up,with-
'out giving you notice, with a Lady too, and other Gentlemen - |
Hor. Do you all go in there, whillt I ſend *em away, and Boy do you deſire *em to
ſtay below ?till I come, which ſhall be immediately. |
[LExennt Sir Jaſper, Za. Squeam. La Fidget, Mrs. Dainty, Squeamiſh.
Boy. Yes, Sir. (Extr.
LExit Horner at other door, and returns with Mrs. Pinchwite.
Hor.. You wou'd not take my advice to be gone home, before your Husband came
'back, he'll now diſcover al!, yet pray my Deareſt be perſwaded to go home, and leave
the reſt to my management, T1l let you down the back way.
2475, Pin, 1 dowt know the way home, ſo I dot.
Hor, My man ſhall wait upon you. |
Mrs. Pix, No, don't youbelieve, that Pl go at all ; what are you weary of me
already?
Hor. No, my life, *tis that 1may love you long, 'tis to ſecure my love, and your Re-
putation with your usband, he'll never receive you again elſe. ,
Atrs. Pin, What care], d'ye think to frighten me with that? I dow't intend to go to
Himagain ; you ſhall be my Husband now.
Hor. 1 cannotbe your Husband, Deareſt, fince you are married to him.
p Ars. Pin. O you wou'd make me believethat—don't I ſee every day at London here,
Women leave their firſt Husbands,and go, and live with other Men as theirWives?pilh,
pſhaw, you'd make me angry, but thatIlove you ſo mainly, |
Hor. $o, they are coming up—I1n again, in, I hear em : (Exit Mrs. Pinchwife.
Well, a ſilly Miſtreſs is like a week place, ſoon got, foon loſt, a Man. has ſcarce time
for plunder ; ſhe betrays her Husband firſt to her Gallant, and thenher Gallant to her
Husband. | |
Enter Pinchwife, Alithea, Harcourt, Sparkiſh, Lucy, and a Parſon.” | -
Ar. Pin. Come, Madam, *tis not the ſudden change of your dreſs, the confidence of
your aſſeverations, and your falſe witneſs there, ſhall perſwade me, Idid not bring you
hither, Juſt now; here's my witneſs, who cannot deny it, fince you muſt be confronted—
Mr. Horner, did not I bring this Lady to you juſt now?
Hor. Now muſt I wrong one Woman for another's ſake, but that's no new thing with
me ; for in theſe caſes I am ſtill on the criminal's fide, againſt the innocent, [Aſfiae,
Alith. Pray, ſpeak, Sir, ; |
Hor. It muſtbefo— 1 muſt be impudent, and try my luck, impudenceuſesto be too
| hard for truth. . | [Aſide.
Ar. Pin. What you are ſtudying anevaſion, or excuſe for her, Speak, Sir. x
Hor. No, faith, I am ſomething backward only, to ſpeak in Womans affairs or dif-
utes,
E Ar. Pin. She bids you ſpeak. $-
Alith. Ay, pray, Sir, do, pray fatisfie him. |
* Mor, T hen, truly, you did bring that Lady to me juſt now.
ty. Pin, O ho -
Alith. How, Sir—
Har, How, Horner!
/ith, What mean you, Sir, 1 always _ you for a Man of Honour ?
Hur, Ay,
'6 ' The Country Wife. |
Hor. Ay, ſo much a Man of Honour, that I muſffavemy Miſtreſs, I thank you; come
what, will or. CAſade. -
* | Spar. So if I had had her, ſhe'd have made me believe [the Moon had been made
= ofa Chriſtmas Pye.-
z- | Tuey. Now cou 'dl ſpeak, if 1 durſt,andfolve the Riddle, who am the: Author of it,
ett, ( Aſide,
Alth. '0 "onfortunate Woman !! a combination againſt my Honour, which moſt con-
cetns'me'no v, becauſe you ſhare in my diſgrace,
Sir, and it is "— cenſure which Imuſt
NOW _ that troubles me, not theirs.

World believe it
Hor: er, Imuſt now be concerned for this Ladies Honour. [dpart to Horner.
1/12, : And {maſt be concerned for a Ladies Honour too, +. -
Har. Thi, Lady has her Honaur, and 1 will protect it.
2 Fx; My Lady has not her Honour, but has given it me to keep, ndIvillprefrneit.
Har. 1 underitand you not. 46-2:
9 #x:: Iwou'd nothave you. _
Mrs. Pin. What's the matter with'em all ? Drs. Pinchwife dnrpineds bebind.
Mr. Piii. Come, come, Mr.. Horner, no more difputing, here's the FRO, ;4 brovght
tim not. in vain.
#:\#ar.; No. Sir, I'll imploy. him, if. this Lady pleaſe.
Mr. Pin. How, what-&'ye- mean? -
on}
: Ay. what does he mean? _|
Hor, Why, | have refign'd your Siſter to hitm, he has my conſent.
Ar.Pin. But he has not mine, Sir, a Woman” 5 injar'd Honour,no more thanaMan? S,
can be repair'd, or ſatisfied by any, but him that firſt wronged it ; and you ſhall marry -
. __ preſently, OY mm [ Lays bis pavd 08 his Sword,
| Enter tothem- Mrs, Pinchwife. ..
's Mrs. Pin: O Lord, they ll kill poor Mr. Horzer;. beſides he ſhan?t marry her whilſt 1
-ſtand by; and look'on, I'll not loſe my ſecond Hosband ſo. |
Mr. Pin. What do I ſee?
Alith, My Siſter in my Cloaths!
Spar, Ha! * $ |
"Ars. Pin. Nay, pray now don't. quarrel about finding work for the Parſon, he ſhall
. marry me to. Mr. Horner, for.now, I believe, you have enough of me, To MrsPinch,
Afr. Damn'd, damn'd loving Changeling. | |
= Mrs. Pin. Pray, Siſter, pardon me for telling ſo many lies of you.
_ -. . Har. I ſuppoſe the Riddle is plainnow:.
Lucy. No, that muſtbe my work, good Sir, hear me. |
[Kneels to Hr. Pinch, who ſtands doggealy, with his bat over his eyes
My. Pin. | will never hear Woman again, butae” em all filent, thus
(Offers 10 draw upon bis"Wife.
Fr. No, that muſt not be.
My .Pin- You then ſhall go firſt, *tis all one to me,(Ofers.t0 draw on Hor, Har.
Har. HOId —— . : wc "yy Jap you
Ys | | ” I Enter

UMI}
 "<"4Y of -4
- _——
Ron 3s. + 46
»d 0

6t
Eter gr Jaſper Fidget, Lady Squeamiſh, Mrs. Dainty Fidget, 27s. 5Squermilh.
Sr. Faſ;9What's the matter, what's the matter, pray, what's the matter,Sir? I b2ſcech
you communicate, Sir. |
Mr. Pin. Why, my Wife has communicatedgSir,as your Wife may have dore too,
- lr, if ſhe knows him, Sir —
Sr. Jaſ. Pſhaw, with him, ha, ha, he.
Ar.Pin. D'ye mock. me Sir, a Cuckold is a kind of a wild Beaſt have a care, Sir
Sr. Jaſ. No, ſure, you mock me, Sir—he Cuckold you ! itcan't be, ha, ha, he, why,
1 Pl1 tell you, Sir. Offers 10 whiſper.
k Ar. Pin. 1 tell you again, he has Whor'd my Wife,and yours too, if he knows her,
' and all the Women hecomes near ; 'tis not his Diſſembling; his Hypocriſie can whee-
dle me. .- | ey
| Sr. Jaſ. How, does he diſſemble, 1s he Hypocrite ? nay then — how— Wife=—
| Siſter is he an Hypocrite ? >: |
| Old L.Squeam. An Hypocrite, a Diſſembler, ſpeak young Harlotry, ſpeak how?
\ B Sr. Jaſ. Nay, then-—-—O my my head too*-— G thou libidinous Lady !
Old L. Squeam. O thou Harloting Harlotry, has thou don't then ?
Sr. Jaſ. Speak, good Horner, art thou a Diſſembler, a Rogue? haſt thon
. Hor. Soh | |
Zacy. VII fetch you off and her too, if fhe will but hold her tongue. (_4parr ro Hor,
Hor. Canſt thou ? Il] give thee | (Apart to Lucy,
Lucy. (to Mrs. Pin.) Pray have patience but to hear me, Sir, who am the unfortunate
cauſe of ail this confuſion, your Wife is innocent, I only culpable ; for I put her upon
telling you all theſe lies,concerning my Miſtreſs, in order to the breaking offthe mztch
between Mr. Sparkih and her, to make way for Mr. Harcourt,
Spar. Did you ſoeternal Rotten-tooth? then it ſeems myMiſtreſs was not falſe to me,
/ 1 was only deceiv?d by you. Brother,that ſhou'd have been, now man of condu, who
»
WW.
SS
TR
is a frank Perſon now, to bring your Wife to her Lover ——ha—— |
| Lucy. 1 aſſure you, Sir, ſhe came not to Mr. Horner out of love, for ſhe loves him no +
[ 8 More —-—- |
Mrs. Pin.. Hold, I told lies for you, but you ſhall tell none for meg, for I do love Mr.
Horner with all my ſoul, and no body ſhall ſay me nay ; pray don't you go to inake poor +
Mr. Horner believe to the contrary, *tis ſpitefully done of you, Pm ſure.
* | Hor. Peace, Dear Ideot. Be [Aſide to Mrs. Pin, *
] Ars. Pin, Nay, I will not peace. ... ”- |
-o Mr, Pin. Not *till I make you. Tg -
Enter Dorilant, Qpack. ,
Dor. Horner, your Servant, I am the DoQor's Gueſt, he muſt excuſe our intruſion;
' ©, But what?s the matter Gentlemen, for Heavens ſake, whaYs the matter ?
Hor. Oh, *tis'well you are come ——— *tis a cenſorious World we live in, you may
| have broughtme a reprieve, or. elſe Thad died for acrime I never committed, and theſe
innocent Ladies had ſuffered with me, therefore pray fatisfie theſe worthy,honourable, .
jealous Gentlemen -—that—— TM © (ty viſpers,
| Qs. O, I underſtand you,is that all ——Sir Jaſper, by Heavens, and upon the word
5 of a Phyfician, Sir.—— | (Whiſpersto SirJaſper.
Sr. Jaſ. Nay, I do believe you truly —-—pardon me my virtuous Lady, and dear of
honour, PO
/ | Old L.
4 F W_
LE
i 4< by
 FO -
\ < FF - ”

62 * The Country Wife,

Old L. Squeam. What, then all's right-again. *S” - : *, % |
S:. Jaſ. Ay, ay, and now let vs ſarisfie him too. (They whiſper with Mr. Tinchwite.
Mr. Pin. An Eunuch | pray, no fooling with me. |
Qu, Il bring half the Chyrurgeorſ$*in Town to ſwear it.
A. Pin, They—=— they'll ſwear a Man that bled to death through his wounds dicd
.* of an Apoplexy. |
4. Pray, hear me, Sir why at>the Town has heard the report of him.
fr. Pin. Bur does all the Town believe it ?
Ox. Pray, inquirea little, and firſt of all theſe.
Ar. Pin, I'm ſure, when I left the Town, he was the lewdeſt fellow in't.
Cs. Itell you, Sir, he has been in France ſince, pray ask but theſe Ladies andGentle-
men, your Friend Mr. Dorilazt, Gentlemen and Ladies, han't you all heard the late ſad
report of poor Mr. Horner ? |
All Lad. Ay, ay, ay.
Dor. Why, thou jealous Fool, doſt thou doubt it, he's an errant French Capon.
| Mrs. Pin, Tis falſe;Sir, you thall notdiſparage poor Mr, Horner, for to my cettain
knowledge | js \
Lucy. O, hold ;
Squeem. Stop her mouth. | (Aſide to Lucy
O14 La. Fjd. Upon my honour, Sir, 'tis as true, _ (ToPanch,
Daiz. Dye think we wou'd have been ſeen in his Company ——
Sqream, Truſt our unſpotted reputations with him !
Old La. Fid, 1 tis 70u get, and we too, by truſting your ſecret to a Fonl— ——-
(Aſeae ro Hor,
Hor. Peace, Madam, well, DoCtor, 1s not thisa good deſign that carries a Man
on unſuſpeced, and brings him off ſafe. -.—!--- | (Aſide to Quack, —”
-

” © Ar. Pin. Well, if thigwere true, but my Wife (Aſide.

(Dorilant whi/pers wich Mrs. Pinch.
Alith. Come, Brother, your Wife is yet innocent you ſee, but have acare of too ſtrong -
an imagination, left like an over-concern'd timerous Gameſter, by faxcying an unlucky
= caſt, it ſhou?d come, Women and Fortune are trueſt ſtil] to thoſe that truſt *em.
© Lucy. Ard any wild thing grows but the more fierce and hungry for being kept up,
and more dangerous to the Keeper. |
Alith. There's Dod@rine for all Husbands Mr. Harcourt.
Har. 1 edifie, MaJam, ſo much, thatI am impatient till I am one.
Dor. Ard 1 edifie ſo much by example, I will neyer be one.”
Spar. And becauſe I will not diſparage my parts Ill neer be one.
Hor. AndT, alas, can't be one. |
Mr. Pin. Bur 1 muff be one againſt my will to a Country-Wife, with a Coun-
try-murrain to me. |
A1rs. Pin. And I muit be a Country VVife ſtill tool find, for I can't, like a City one
|
be rid ofgny muſty Husband,'and do what 1liſt, _ . Affide.(#fia
Fr. ow, Sir, I muſt pronounce your VVife Innocent, though I bluſh while 1 do it,
and 1 am the only Man by her now expos'd to ſhame, which F will ftreight drown in
VVine, as you ſhall your ſuſpicion, and the Ladies troubles we'll divert with a Baller,
Dotor where are your Maskers ? |
d _ 4s
bom Lucy. In-
 "

The Conntry Wife. - 62

Lucy. Ind: ſhe's innocent, Sir, Iam her witnefs, and her end of coming out was, |
but to ſee her Siſters VVedding, and what ſhe has ſaid to your face of her lovg to
. Mr. Horner Was, but the uſual innocent revenge on aHusband's jealouſie, was it not,
Madam, ſpeak: | |
Ars. Pin, Since you'll haye me tell more lies (Aſide to Luey and Horner;
Yes, indeed, Budd, : |
My. Pin, For my ownſake fain I wou'd all believe.
Cuckolds like Lovers ſhou'd themſelves deceive.
-HisOP | © (Sighs:
hononr is leaſt ſafe, (200late I find) |
VVho truſts it with a fooliſh VVife or Friend.
| A Dance of Cuckolas. TY
Ar, Vain Fopps, yurcourt, and: dreſs, and'keep a pother,
* To paſs for VVomen's Men, with one another.
Buthe who aims by VVomen to be priz'd,
Firſt by the Men you ſee muſt be deſpigd.
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"Þ AC]
> Th, T OW jou the Vigorons, who dayly-bere ({ 11 i 1 1:
| N Or Vizard Mask, in publick domineer, :
| ' And what you'dap to her if is Placewhere} t;' 1
Nay, have the confiderice, tocry'come out, *'*. ON 1376
Tet when ſhe ſays lead on, 'you are not ſtout py. -
But toyour well-areſt Brother ſtraight turn yound =.
And cry, Pox 01 her Ned, ſbe caz't be ſound: ©
Then ſlink away, a freſh one to engage, }.:; +
* With ſo much ſeeming heat and loving Rage, : | ge
| Tox'd frighten lining Adtreſs on the Stage; ; bs Tg
Till ſhe at laſt has ſeen you huffing tome, ©. %
And talk of keeping in the Tyring-Room. C co bil s
Yet cannot be provok'd tolead ber home ;
. Next you Fallitafts offifty, who beſet _-
Tour Buckram Maidenheads, which your Friends get:
And whilſt tothem, you ofAchievements boaſt,
They ſhare the booty, and laugh at your coſt,
. In fine,you Effens't Boys, both Old and Toung,
Who word be thought ſoeager, brick, aud ſtrong, 6
et ao the Lades, "nottheir Hisbands, wrong :
Whoſe Parſes foryour Manhood make excuſe,
And keepyour Flanders Mares for ſhew, not uſe ;
Encourag*d by our Womans Manto day,
4 Horner's part may vainly think to play ;
And may Intreagues fobaſhfully diſown,
_ That they may aoubted be byfew, or none,
May kiſs the Cards at Picquet, Hombre,»—[a,
And fo be taught to kiſs the Lady too ;
But Gallants, have a care, faith, what you do.
The World, which to no Man his due will give,
Tou byexperience know you can decetve,
And Men may ſtill-believe you Vigoroas, |
Butthen we Women, jmuan— there"s10 cous ning us.

F.14 K-45