HOW TO MANAGE CHANGE,

DISAGREEMENTS AND

DEVELOP TRUST AND

UNDERSTANDING IN THE WORK

PLACE

CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 1

 CONTENTS

PART ONE CHANGE MANAGEMENT

COURSE OBJECTIVES………………………………………………………3

1. ORGANIZATIONAL CHANGE MANAGEMENT……………………4

2. COMMUNICATING CHANGE………………………………………..11

3. PROCESS OF CHANGE MANAGEMENT……………………………14

4. RESISTANCE TO CHANGE……………………………………………22

5. STRATEGIES FOR IMPLEMENTING CHANGE…………………..25

6. EVALUATING ORGANIZATIONAL CHANGE……………………29

PART TWO CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

INTRODUCTION: …………………………………………………………32

7 HOW THE VIEW EXPLAINS OUR DIFFERENCES……….….… 35

8 DIFFERENCES IN PERSONALITY TYPES………………………....40

9 FIGHT THE DIFFERENCE OR CELEBRATE IT?.....................45

10 ARE YOU BUILDING A BRIDGE OR A BARRIER?............ 52

11 UNDERSTAND AND MANAGE YOUR FEELINGS……………..57

12 DEVELOP YOUR SKILLS AND INCREASE YOUR CHOICES.62

13 FOUR STEPS TO RESOLUTION……………………………..…... 76

14 PREVENTING CONFLICT……………………………….………..…84

15. BIBLICAL CONFLICT MANAGEMENT…………………..……..87

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Course Objectives

The objectives of this course are to equip you with thorough knowledge of how change is
implemented in an organization, including the process, possible obstacles, effect on
organization’s culture and manifestation of change at an individual level. You will also learn
about how to manage disagreements, and how employees develop trust and understanding
in the work place, Strategies for implementation and the best practices organizations can
commit to manage change and conflict, and also you will also learn what the bible says
about conflict and how to manage it.

After studying this course, you should be able to:

 implement the process of organizational transformation

 analyses the factors leading to organizational change
 compare various change models
 select appropriate method for communicating change
 develop a communication plan
 resolve the issue of resistance to change
 choose appropriate strategies for implementing change
 differences in personality types
 understand and manage feelings
 steps to resolution
 preventing conflict
 biblical conflict management processes

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UNIT 1 Organizational Change Management

1.1 Introduction
Change is a phenomenon that pushes us out of our comfort zone. It is for the better or for
the worse, depending on how it is viewed. Change has an adjustment time line that varies
from person to person. Change has a negative effect on those who do not want to let go.
Being flexible is the key. For instance, a roller coaster ride can symbolically be indicative of
change—it can be fun if you know when to lean and create balance. Change is not related
to the mantra ‘just hang in there’, but the mantra ‘you can make it’. It is not associated with
worrying. Change spurs you to achieve your best. It will help you to learn. Change is
inevitable. It is the management’s duty to see that change is managed properly.
Organizations must keep a watch on the environment and incorporate suitable changes
that the situation may demand. Change is a continuous phenomenon. Organizations must
be proactive in effecting change. Even in the most stable organizations, change is
necessary just to maintain a certain level of stability. The major environmental forces that
make change necessary are technology, market forces and socio-economic factors.
Resistance to change is counterproductive for growth and destructive in nature; it is,
therefore, undesirable. Hence, managers must evolve policies to effect change. According
to Barney and Griffin, ‘the primary reason cited for organizational problems is the failure by
managers to properly anticipate or respond to forces for change.’

Change management means implementing significant change in an organized and

systematic manner. The main objectives of change management are:
 to ensure that the people and culture are aligned with strategic shifts in the
organization.
 to reduce impediments to change and increase engagement so that the
transformation is more effective

The first step towards achieving sustainable change is to have a comprehensive

understanding of the current state of the organization. The second, and equally important
step, is the implementation of relevant and focused strategies. Thirdly, the setup needs to
be well understood by the people who work in the organization.
An effective change management strategy gives desired outcomes, leads to a sense of
ownership among employees, enables sustained and measurable improvement, and
prepares everyone for possible future changes.

1.2 Understanding Organizational Transformation

The term ‘organizational transformation’ refers to such activities as reengineering,

redesigning and redefining business systems. The key enablers for transforming
organizations are information and technology.

In the rapidly changing financial environment, business models change rapidly. Mergers
and acquisitions change the very face of the organization.

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Therefore, organizations need to continually:
(i) be flexible, effective and efficient
(ii) have a customer-centric approach to organizational activities
(iii) create a more productive environment by recognition of current strengths
(iv) understand and position themselves to reap the benefits of competitive technology and
business alignments
(v) promote an integrated business approach

A radical change which takes an organization to a new and different level of structure and
functioning is called organizational transformation. It occurs when new business strategies
are introduced and implemented.

Organizational transformation signifies a change that challenges the way an individual

thinks, perceives and feels about the organization; his deep-rooted convictions and work
ethic. This type of transformation goes beyond changing the manner in which business is
done. It is about changing the work culture and value system of an organization. A well-led
and well-orchestrated change strategy and transition plan leads to organizational
transformation. There has to be a deep seated adoption of the changes and the associated
values, principles and/ or processes. Restructuring and rearrangement changes the way
business is done and results in a marked change in organizational culture and reinforces a
process of continuous improvement. Unlike a ‘turnaround’ (which implies incremental
progress on the same plane) transformation implies a basic change of character and little
or no resemblance with the past configuration or structure.

Deregulation and improvement in the licensing procedures, for instance, have pushed
organizations in the financial services, the telecommunications, and the airline industry to
rethink business strategies and reshape their operations. Public demand for value for
money and lowered deficits has forced public sector companies to get their operations
more streamlined so that they deliver more for less. The rapid technological advancement
has rendered several organizational practices obsolete, forcing the firms to innovate or
perish. The change therefore, fundamentally alters the qualitative nature of the
organization.

1.2.1 Transactional vs. Transformational Organization

There are two types of changes that occur in an organization — transactional and
transformational. Transactional, which is also called the ‘first order change’, is related with
continuity in the organization. It is not related with the strategic changes that takes place in
the organization. Transformational change or the ‘second order change’ is discontinuous in
nature and is related with altering the organization from its core.

The first-order change ‘may involve adjustments in systems, processes, or structures, but it
does not involve fundamental change in strategy, core values, or corporate identity.’ First
order changes do not amend the basic fibre of the organization. The examples of first-order
change could include creating new report formats, new methods of collecting old data and
refining the existing processes and procedures.

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The second-order change is of a bigger magnitude. It entails a change in the system itself.
This type of change is usually the result of a strategic overhaul of the system or even a
severe crisis, which may threaten the very survival of the system. Second-order change
leads to a complete redefinition or reconceptualization of the organization and the way
business is to be conducted in future.

In short, these two orders of change present contrasting features: the first merely improves
the existing module and the second completely alters the basic module. Golembiewski,
Billingsley, and Yeager subsequently introduced a third level of change, defined as middle-
order change lying between the extremes of first- and second-order change. Middle-order
change ‘represents a compromise; the magnitude of change is greater than first-order
change, yet it neither affects the critical success factors nor is it strategic in nature.’

When these two orders are evaluated for their respective scales of change, the first order
change is seen as relatively small in scale, incremental, and adaptive, while second order
change is seen as large scale and disruptive at a business or organization level.

1.2.2 Types of Transformation

There are three types of transformation:

(a) Improved operations: To achieve efficiency by reducing costs and reducing

development time and at the same time improving quality of products and services.

(b) Strategic transformation: To regain or attain a sustainable competitive edge over

competition by redefining business objectives, establishing new strengths and harnessing
these capabilities to meet market opportunities.

(c) Corporate self-renewal: To anticipate and adapt to change such that a strategic and
operational gap does not develop.
Certain types of changes can be initiated to improve operations, and to affect desirable
behaviour of members. These are:

Strategic change: A change that changes the very mission of the organization is called
strategic change. It may also mean that multiple missions are integrated into a single
mission. For instance, if a British company acquires an American company of considerable
size, the culture of the British organization may need to change in order to integrate the
sensitivities of the American culture into a British organizational setup.

Structural change: Of late, organizations are steadily moving towards more decentralized
decision-making and a more participative management style. A direct outcome of this
structural change is the shift in authority and responsibility to lower levels of management.
This has a significant impact on the organization’s social climate wherein members across
the board need to acquire skills to make on-the-spot decisions.

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Process-oriented change: These are changes that could lead to efficiencies and are
achieved through replacing or retraining personnel, reducing investment in heavy capital
equipment, and amending operational structure. These changes can be achieved through
improvement in technology, information processing, automation and use of robotics in the
manufacturing operations. These process oriented changes would affect the organizational
culture and lead to changes in the behaviour of staff.

People oriented change: While any organizational change has a direct impact on the
people, it is important that the behaviour and attitude of employees are aligned with the
organization’s goals, mission and values. People-oriented changes are focused on
performance improvement, team work and commitment to the organization. These traits
can be developed through better employee engagement as well as training and
development sessions.

1.2.3 Phases of Transformation

The transformation process goes through essentially five phases:
1. Dilemma: This phase is the turning point and the motivating factor for change. One
arrives at this phase either because they have an internal motivation for change, or external
circumstances force them into a serious dilemma. Knowing this factor is very important
because each will have a different probability for achieving a successful outcome.

2. Clarity: This is the phase where most individuals will stay for extended periods feeling
very frustrated and confused. However, with proper help, the time that one spends in this
phase will be minimized.

3. Discovery: This is the focus of the success formula with relevance to organizational
requirement, its principles and business requirements.

4. Solution: This is the phase where most people rush to first in their attempt to achieve
more. That is precisely why most attempts at change fail. Individuals and organizations will
have to participate in some form of learning to make the transformation sustainable.

5. Success: The individual or organization has achieved a successful transformation.

1.3 Transformation Strategies

There are various strategies to manage transformation in organizations. These are:

Transformation through values

As the business environment changes, values provide the guiding force for organizations.
Values are a collection of ethics or ideals. Just as for an individual values provide a
purpose and meaning to life, similarly for an organization, values form the basis for work
ethic. Organizations must define values that are:
(i) aligned with societal values
(ii) are not driven by basic human urges
(iii) in line with their main purpose and operating context
(iv) open to the changing world order

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Transformation through organization development
Neither individuals nor organizations are prepared for the rapid pace of change.
Organization Development, therefore, is a way to stay prepared. It rests on 3 basic
propositions:

(i) Organizational change is driven by the era in which it is taking place. So organizations
need to adapt, revitalize and rebuild based on the changing environment.
(ii) The climate within the organization must change for overall change to take place.
(iii) Individuals within the organization must be aware of the societal and environmental
changes happening around them.

Hence, the key message of Organization Development is that the world is changing rapidly
and organizations need to adapt accordingly.

Transformation through reengineering

Reengineering is the process of reinventing which challenges the very core of the
operations. It seeks to improve the way of doing business by establishing a new and better
way of functioning.

Transformation through competitive benchmarking

Competitive benchmarking is an ongoing process wherein the organization’s products,
services and practices are measured against industry leaders and key competitors.

Transformation through Six Sigma

Six Sigma is a statistical parameter that is used to describe variation from set standards. It
could be expressed, for example, as ‘35,000 defects per million operations’ or ‘not more
than 3 defects per million’. It is sharply focused on achieving tangible results within aspects
that are relevant to the business. It is usually driven by trained employees from various
sectors within the organization.

1.4 Nature of Organizational Change

The only thing constant is change. Change is inevitable and imperative. This fact governs
business as it does other aspects of life. Organizations have to constantly change or they
would become unstable and inefficient, putting a question mark on their long-term survival.
Certain events or situations cause organizations to change, either in a negative or a
positive way. In this context, therefore, it is important to note the following points:

(i) Organizational change takes place because of internal and external forces. The internal
forces may create instant change, whereas the external forces may result in a gradual
change.
(ii) The effect of change in any one part of the organization creates fundamental changes in
rest of the organization, steadily and eventually.

(iii) The effect of change in various sections of the organization takes place in varying
degrees and rate.

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1.4.1 Factors Leading to Organizational Change
Organizations have to respond to changes in order to grow, to remain competitive, and be
profitable. The process of change is always initiated from the top level management. It
pervades and integrates with the entire organization. For change process to be successful,
the whole plan of change should be tailored to the current situation in terms of people and
processes and the expectations from them.

There can be many reasons for organizational change, such as introduction of new
technology; restructuring and reengineering; mergers, acquisitions and alliances;
diversification of the business, etc.

Although it is difficult to compile a list of factors that lead to organizational change, the
following internal and external environmental factors can encourage these changes:
 The external environment is affected by political, social, technological, economic,
legal, international and labour market environment
 The internal environment is affected by the organization’s management policies and
styles, systems, and procedures, as well as employee attitudes.

External forces
External environment affects the organizations both directly and indirectly. The
organizations have no control over the variables in such an environment. Therefore they
must change themselves to align with the environment.

The external forces that impact change arise from either the general environment or from
the task environment. The key factors in the general environment are economic, political,
legal, socio-cultural and technological. Organizations need to remain alert to any changes
in the direction and momentum of these forces. For example, when due to the oil crisis,
people started buying small fuel-efficient cars from Japan, the American automobile
manufacturers who were accustomed to producing large luxury cars, spent billions of
dollars in the mid 1970s in retooling the new machinery to build smaller cars. Similarly,
changes in laws pertaining to management of air pollution or chemical waste dumping, rate
of inflation, disposable money supply and rate of unemployment set off change in
organizations. Social changes such as changes in the trends of clothing, or introduction of
laptop or notebook computers made many companies large and successful while at the
same time destroyed several others who were slow or unwilling to adapt to the change.

Task related environment—customers, competitors, suppliers, labour, and stockholders—

tend to directly influence the health of the organization. For instance, it is common for
organizations to change pricing strategies and product lines as a result of competition.
Intense competition in commercial aviation regarding pricing has lead to many companies
going out of business. Similarly, stockholders can influence organizations because they can
take action against the board of directors if they feel that the board is not acting in their best
interests. It is well-known that customers change loyalties often for better quality and
service. Accordingly, organizations cannot rest on their laurels and have to evolve
constantly and make quick changes to adapt to their changed environment.

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Internal forces
It is not just external factors which effect change but also certain internal factors that may
cause changes in an organization. Primarily, such changes are often caused by a change
in the management personnel and inadequacy in the existing organizational practices. But
sometimes the shareholders, board of directors or employees can become agents for
change and affect the philosophy, strategy, decisions and other organizational activities.

Internal forces for change could be reactive as well as proactive. Reactive because it could
be in response to outside forces and proactive because it could be induced by the
management in anticipation of a different and beneficial internal environment. Shifts in
socio-cultural values in the workforce may therefore require changes in the corporate
culture and structure. A company may introduce flexitime for its employees or provide day
care facilities for the children of working mothers as workers are becoming more educated,
less conservative and more women are joining the workforce. Corporations previously
dominated by men with a strict code of dress, and code of conduct must make the
necessary changes to accommodate these demographic shifts.

When change is brought about as a result of internal forces in order to effectively match the
imagined and possible organizational environment, it is referred to as ‘planned change’.
This change is purposely planned and implemented to meet the anticipated threats and
opportunities, so that there are fewer surprises and companies can remain competitive in
the environmental dynamics. In 1987, the top management of Manufacturer Hanover Trust,
a large bank, made some basic policy changes in anticipation of the banking practices of
the future. The power structure was decentralized and the compensation system for
managers was altered so that it was more closely tied to performance.
When a change is brought about as a reaction to particular problems that emerge, the
change is known as ‘reactive change’. Some problems may be so serious that it may not
give the management enough time to analyse the situation correctly and respond in an
effective manner. For example, the Indian government’s recent decision to introduce
Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) in the multi brand retail sector took many companies off
guard. They are revising their strategy in order to survive in the business. But it was
welcomed by those who long anticipated it and were already prepared for it.

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UNIT 2 Communicating Change
2.1 Introduction

In this unit, you will learn about the role of communication in change management. You will
also learn about the factors and strategies of communicating change and the role of the top
management in an organization in the communication process.

2.2 Need for Communicating Change

The key purpose of communication of change is to ensure that the individuals understand
what is going to happen and what is expected from them. The change managers have to
provide them with the value proposition involved in the change. The individuals should be
offered answers to the questions like why, what, who, how and when. In order to take care
of this, where a situational approach or a contingency perspective is involved, the type of
information provided is to be modified. Besides this, the leadership style must be as per the
type of change involved and the level in the organization at which the change message is
directed. Care should be taken that there is no message overload or message distortion in
the communication strategies being employed. Some other important needs for
communicating change are:

 To pay adequate attention to the diverse interests, (including gender differences),

power relationships, and actions that may create resistance to the proposed change
 To make people understand the inevitability of the changes and the best ways of
coping or surviving with the change
 To ensure that the people share similar values and are aware of what actions are
appropriate to these values. To have consistency in actions and words, communication of
change is required

Team-based, rather than top-down, CEO-led communication styles are most favored
because there, change can take place through shared values and the use of positive
emotions.

Communication through storytelling, metaphors, and so on, provides staff with a sense of
‘what is going on’. The focus is on facilitating the sense and true spirit of the change to
different groups across the organization (and outside). So, communication here presents
the most persuasive account of the change to ensure that as many people as possible
share common understanding of the change. ‘Rich’ communication media are most favored
as the aim is to provide the most in terms of change as not all will agree with or like the
change.

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2.3 Factors Involved in Communicating Change
While communicating change, the following things must be explained:

1. Explain how change will unfold

 What is it?
 How will it affect the employee?

2. Discuss the need for change.

 The context
 Who decided on the need for change?
 The reason for not continuing the status quo.

3. Establish the business case for the change.

 Describe the future as envisaged after the change is in place
 The benefits that the organization, work unit, specific individuals will derive.

4. Determine the plan for change.

 What are the new roles, expectations, responsibilities, relationships, skills and
performance measures?
 How will the organization support individuals to help them adapt to and achieve
these changes?

5. Experts find that employees trust a manager more when:

 Correct information and feedback are provided
 The basis for the change decision is adequately explained
 Open communication is used, facilitating an exchange of ideas between the
manager and the employees

2.4 Methods and Techniques for Communicating Change

There are a few recognized techniques, one of which a change manager would generally
use to communicate change. Listed here are those strategies:

 Spray and pray: As the name suggests, as per this technique, employees are
provided a lot of information and expected to understand what is important and relevant
and what is not. The basis of the theory is ‘more is better’. Managers feel satisfied that they
have provided all the information possible and employees are satisfied because they are
kept in the loop. However, the disadvantage here is that employees are mostly unable to
filter out the important points from the whole information. They may understand what is
happening but do not understand the reasons and are overwhelmed by all the information.

 Tell and sell: The employees are provided that information which pertains only to
core organizational issues. Here, change managers try to both inform staff about changes
and persuade them that the changes are necessary and good. The disadvantage of this
strategy is that mostly employees become skeptical about the change since they have not

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been adequately prepared and end up being just passive recipients of round after round of
change proposals.

 Underscore and explore: The focus in this strategy is on the core issues of the
impending change, and employees get to participate in a dialogue with the management
regarding the change process. During the dialogue, they try to recognize challenges and
possible misunderstandings and ways to tackle them. This approach is most employee-
friendly among all approaches described here.

 Identify and reply: This strategy is largely defensive in nature, where only the
rumors and misconceptions about work practices among the staff are recognized and
addressed. It only attempts to help the employees reconcile to confusing problems of
change. The disadvantage of this approach is that it is reactive and incorrectly assumes
that employees understand the key strategic and organizational issues related to the
change.

 Withhold and uphold: The organization remains tight-lipped and secretive about
the impending change and only discloses information when it is absolutely unavoidable to
withhold it any longer. The management adopts a party line on issues which it uses in all its
public communication. This Information is not accurate or comprehensive and is likely to
engender negative work culture among the employees.

The ‘spray and pray’ strategy and the ‘withhold and uphold’ strategy are least likely to be
effective in achieving organizational performance, whereas by forming a seamless connect
between organization goals and employee concerns, the ‘underscore and explore’ strategy
will help maximize the potential of an organization. More than one strategy can be applied
in a situation. For example, in one organization, the spray and pray strategy, also known as
the ‘communication clutter’ strategy, was used generally in overwhelming the employees
with information on organizational performance; however, when it was faced with
organizational changes such as downsizing and operational changes, a ‘withhold and
uphold’ strategy was adopted specifically on these issues. This latter strategy was adopted
by the executives so that there is reduction in promises made to the employees about the
future that they were not able to deliver. Naturally, the employees did not appreciate this
‘convenient’ approach. Usually, most distrust and discontent arises from avoidance of the
issues that the employees care about.

2.5 Role of Top Management in Communicating Change

It has always been a point of contention in change management that who is the ideal
messenger for communicating change. There are differing views on this; one common view
suggests that in order to show the commitment of top management for it, the CEOs should
be personally involved in the communication of change. This activity in the organization
should not be delegated to others in the organization. A second view to this is that as the
supervisors are most trusted by the staff so they are the best communicators of change.

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The top management must recognize that the most significant message to convey to
affected staff falls into two categories:
1. Message regarding the actual change itself
 the existing situation and the justification for the change
 an image of the organization as it will become after the change has been
implemented
 the essentials of what exactly is up for change, how it will change, and when it will
change
 the prospect that change is essential and is not optional
 regular updates on the status of the completion of the change process, and also
success stories to boost morale
2. Message regarding the impact of the change on the employee
 how the change will affect the everyday activities of the individuals
 repercussions of the change on job guarantee
 how the employee is expected to behave and act in view of the change or to show
support for the change
 what would be the procedure for getting assistance when change implementation is
in progress

UNIT 3 Process of Change Management

3.1 Introduction

Every organization interacts with its environment and is also dependent on it. Organizations
get inputs from the environment (which consists of men, material, process, finance
information), transform it and send the output (which is in the form of products and
services) back to the environment. Changes in environment make it necessary for the
organization to change its internal systems and processes. This change simultaneously
triggers chain reactions on the other internal elements of an organization. For example,
change in consumer preferences may change product features, cost, technology or
marketing strategy. Organizations must, therefore, work together with their external
environment in order to survive. Many factors must, therefore, be considered in order to
implement change. That is why, an organization must follow a standardized process to
implement any kind of change. In this unit, you will learn about the various phases of the
change management process, and the change management process controls that must be
in place to ensure the effective acceptance of change.

3.2 Change Management Process

The organizational changes that are commonly seen in the contemporary world are
downsizing or rightsizing, introduction of new technology, mergers and acquisitions. There
is a concept of ‘planned change’ and ‘reactive change’. The change which is intentionally
designed and implemented is called ‘planned change’. The idea for implementing such a
change is that it helps to counter intimidation or threat and make the most of opportunities.
‘Reactive changes’ are caused due to unknown factors and happen as a response to
sudden surprises like change in the price of a particular product. Hence, a management
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who is ‘proactive’ in incorporating changes and that too, with fewer surprises is considered
to be way above those who are not. It must build on the organization’s strengths and take
appropriate preventive action about its weaknesses in order to be competitive in the
marketplace. Technology, on the other hand, is a major external force that definitely calls
for a systemic change. In recent times, information technology (IT) has contributed
considerable in with the impact on the ability of managers to use information to arrive at
important decisions. Storage, retrieval of information and its utilization are few aspects of
technology.
Organizations must identify the field in which the change is required and should plan to
implement change with a methodical approach and ascertain whether it is tactical,
structural, process-oriented or cultural. Changes can also be affected in all the areas at the
same time as others, but it must be managed appropriately so that there is no blockage
effect. The change management process is a series of tasks or phases that a change
management team would have to accomplish in order to bring about change within a
particular team or an organization on the whole.

Once the need for change is identified the first step would be to develop the goals and
objectives, then diagnose the problem followed by electing an agent of change, who is
usually a middle-level manager. But at times, the agent can also be employed from
outside—a specialist or a consultant. Once a plan has been drawn and strategy for
implementation is chalked out, the task would be to implement it. The final stage is crucial
as it is important for an organization to understand the response and its effect. It is equally
important for the employees to give honest feedback. If the results are contrary to
expectations, then a new change may be required to diagnose the cause.

3.3 Phases of the Change Management Process

Every organization is concerned about organizational development, performance and its
employees. Bringing in change in not easy, but how that change is managed and
implemented is important as it impacts the organization and its success. Change
management activities is undertaken to maintain an alignment of the people
system/strategy and organization development. It should be remembered that change
management and organization development cannot be used as synonymous terms.

There is, however, no standard method to establish the organizational change. Various
models have been proposed to guide the implementation of changes in the organization.
These models propose different views for carrying out a change. The study of these models
is very important for managers. These models are tried and tested concepts. The
implementation of these models are, however, subject to the organizational culture, group
cohesiveness, preparations made for the anticipated change, workers’ willingness to
change and commitment of the CEO/manager to implement the change. However, the
change management process can be logically divided into four phases:
Phase 1: Clarifying roles and expectations for change
Phase 2: Identifying priorities of change
Phase 3: Planning the Organizational Development (OD) activities to address the identified
priorities
Phase 4: Change management and evaluation

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(i) Phase 1: Clarifying roles and expectations for change
Typically, organizational change is brought forth by major external driving forces like
significant reduction in funding, the need for major new markets/clients, a considerable
increase in productivity and services, and so on. For this, organizations must initiate macro
changes, that is—those that evolve from a highly reactive, entrepreneurial organization to a
more stable and planned setup. An organization’s success depends upon how effectively
and efficiently the management and members address the issue of implementation of
change and how well they are prepared to handle the resistance. Organizational change is
a collaborative effort. Udai Pareek conducted a distinctive study in which he identified the
various individuals and groups involved in planning and implementing change in
organizations in a systematic manner. The corporate management includes the chief
executive and several top executives who are responsible for making the policy decisions
regarding the implementation of change. The functions are listed below:

The legitimizing function: This is the function of the top management to identify the areas
in which change is required. It helps to plan the change, make resources available for the
change, and pass suitable instructions to the lower managerial cadre. They should
legitimize the change so that all the subordinates in the chain can implement it. If the
corporate management does not clearly indicate its interest in support for the change, the
implementation is likely to be derailed. Concern on the part of the corporate management
and the desire to change are very important for the change to be successful.

The energizing function: Organizational change is very difficult to implement. It takes a

long time to do away with old practices and introduce new ones. The tempo of the
incorporation of change is seldom retained because the people responsible for it and those
involved in it get discouraged due to the problems and difficulties encountered, thereby the
tempo slows down. The role of the corporate management is crucial at such critical points.
The management revives the slackening pace and interest by taking up the problems for
discussion and by showing concern. For this purpose, the management may employ
experts.

The gate-keeping function: The corporate management, at the outset, identifies groups in
the organization and the outside consultants who have to interact with each other during
the implementation of change. They usually help in establishing a relationship by calling
meetings in which the purpose of the change is explained and the consultants are provided
with all possible assistance to ensure that the process of implementing change is smooth.

It is necessary to explore the readiness of the organization to change. Some consultants

conduct a few workshops for assessing the readiness. Other instruments, like
questionnaires are also used by some consultants. An approach developed by J. William
Pfeiffer and John E. Jones may be suggested. This approach is based on 15 indicators,
which they have developed in the form of a checklist. The indicators are categorized under
three broad classes:

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 General considerations
o Organization’s size
o Rate of growth
o Crisis (situation)
o Macro economics
o History of OD
o Culture
 Resources
o Timeframe
o Monetary
o Access to people
o Limitations in the contract signed with the Labour
o Flexibility of the structure

 People variables
o Interpersonal skills
o Management development
o Flexibility at the top
o Internal change agents

(ii) Phase 2: Identifying priorities of change

It is always a good idea to include those involved, such as the stakeholders and keep them
informed about the change since any change is unsettling and it should not take people by
surprise. Hence, the best option is to let people know and get them to accept the change in
the organization, in the transition process as early as possible. Ultimately it may so happen
that the changes will affect them in a variety of ways and at different times. The transition
includes activities like redefining of job descriptions, change in work styles, altered
behaviours and protocols, which will need defining, updating of success measures and
shifting of workspace to bring into line the job requirements and capabilities. It is such
change in priorities that cause increase in employee ambiguity and uncertainty as well as
resistant behavior. To be able to deal with such high levels of complication requires a
disciplined, yet continually adaptive approach to planning. On the other hand, if such
transition is managed using a reactive style, it will slow down the speed of acceptance,
lower the rate of proficiency and will also affect stakeholder morale, thus causing an
increase in the possibility of failure.

A realistic evaluation of the organization’s instances of past changes, the recorded

reactions towards readiness for change and the current capacity for change needs to be
conducted. The key, it appears from the above analysis, lies in taking a methodical,
participative, stakeholder-centric approach which is fully integrated into organizational
design and decision-making—one that informs and enables strategic direction. It must be
ensured that the on-going key data collection process, open communication channels,
information sharing, and feedback loops are in position. This will also ensure that all
aspects of the transition program implementation are addressed and understood
throughout the organization. It is at this crucial time, executives can all too easily forget

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during the planning, implementing and strategy stage that access to their human capital to
be truly supportive sponsors of change must be available. Mostly leaders dealing with the
possibility of implementing organizational changes are aware that their people matter the
most.

The change agents should define:

 the specific goals
 the stakeholders
 the forces, both restraining and driving
 the measures to be taken up during contingency
 the interventions to be made
 the assessment of the success

Intervening — Managing the Transition

Preparing the team: A team of internal resource persons is formed to carry out
interventions. This team is a multi-disciplinary one which will help in the intervention and its
successful implementation. The internal resource persons should have undergone
intensive training programmes and must be skilled in human process facilitation.

Conducting the activities: Interventions once planned, should be duly implemented.

Areas where employees are showing their resistance should be overcome. Amendments
must be made in plans, if the approach seems inadequate or inappropriate. The
experiences must be recorded emphasizing both process and content aspects. It is very
important to have interaction with the committee / the members of the task force and
consultants and on regular basis.

(iii) Phase 3: Planning the OD activities to address the identified priorities

Organization development (OD) is defined as a planned, top-down, an allen compassing
organizational effort to increase organizational and efficiency and effectiveness. According
to Warren Bennis, ‘OD is a complex strategy intended to change the beliefs, attitudes,
values, and structure of organizations so that they can better adapt to new technologies,
markets, and challenges’. OD is neither ‘anything done to better an organization’, nor is it
‘the training function of the organization’; it is a specific type of change process designed to
bring about a specific nature of end result. OD can involve interventions in the
organization’s processes, using behavioural sciences, knowledge as well as organizational
reflection, system improvement, planning and self-analysis.

Some of the objectives of an OD programme are as follows:

 Individual and group development
 Development of organizational culture and processes by constant interaction
between members, irrespective of levels of hierarchy
 Development of teams
 Empowerment
 Value development
 Employee participation, problem-solving and decision-making at various levels

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 Evaluation of present systems and introduction of new systems, thereby achieving
total system change
 Transformation and achievement of the competitive edge of the organization
 Achievement of organizational growth through human input such as research and
development, innovations, creativity and by utilizing human talent

‘Interventions are principal learning processes in the action stage of organization

development. Interventions are structured activities used individually or in combination by
the members of a client system to improve their social or task performance. They may be
introduced by a change agent as part of an improvement program, or they may be used by
the client following a program to check on the state of the organization’s health, or to effect
necessary changes in its own behavior. Structured activities mean such diverse procedures
as experiential exercises, questionnaires, attitude surveys, interviews, relevant group
discussions, and even lunchtime meetings between the change agent and a member of the
client organization. Every action that influences an organization’s improvement program in
a change agent—client system relationship can be said to be an intervention. OD
interventions can be defined as primary learning processes in the action stage of
organizational development.

Some of the OD interventions are as follows: sensitivity training, survey feedback, process
consultation, team interventions and intergroup interventions, third-party peacemaking
interventions, and structural interventions. The most widely used structural interventions
are parallel learning structures, self-managed teams, management by objectives (MBO),
quality circles, total quality management (TQM), quality of work life (QWL) projects, large-
scale systems change, organizational transformation and process reengineering. OD
interventions are the building blocks that are the planned activities designed to improve the
organization’s functioning through participation of the organizational members.

Diagnostic activities

This activity involves collection of all the information about the state of the organization.
This can be done through the organization’s operation records, observation of task
activities, meeting with subordinates, interviews with workers and so on. This could
establish the ‘health of the organization’. This information is analyzed and the information
as well as the analysis is communicated to members. Based on this information as well as
the feedback obtained from the members, some action plans are designed that are
intended to improve the health of the organization.

Methodologies employed
The action plans that are designed to improve the general health of the organization pertain
to three areas:
 To improve the skills, abilities and knowledge of individuals and may involve task-
related skills or skills in maintaining interpersonal relationships.
 To recognize the structure of the organization so that it becomes more conducive to
quality oriented and efficient operations. This may involve changes in the design of
hierarchy or redesigning of work responsibilities or management by objectives.

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 To help the organization members to perceive the organizational environment better.
This, according to French and Bell is as follows: ‘The primary emphasis is on such
processes as communications, leader and member roles in groups, problem solving and
decision making, group norms and group growth, leadership and authority and intergroup
cooperation and competition.’

Team building activities are designed to improve the effectiveness of the subunit. It is
important to recognize group’s work problems as early as possible so that solutions can be
applied before the problem can do any damage. These may be task related problems or
personality conflict and personality cult problems within the group. The group’s work related
issues can be streamlined by changing the way things are done, by redirecting the
resources to be utilized and by reexamining the work processes.

The interpersonal relationships within the team can be improved by creating an

environment that is open and trustworthy, where members can openly and freely
communicate their feelings and thoughts, where leadership evolves on the basis of respect
and functional excellence and where conflicts are resolved on the basis of mutual
understanding.

Inter-group relationships: Just as there are problems within the group, similarly, there are
problems among interdependent groups. The activities of these groups must be
synchronized and coordinated to achieve the organizational goals and unhealthy
competition between the groups must be eliminated. Other problems may involve conflicts
as a result of over-lapping responsibilities or confused lines of authority. Some examples of
such groups where conflicts may lie are sales and production, line and staff, labour and
management, hospital administrators and doctors in the hospital and so on. All these
problems must be solved in a spirit of goodwill and openness.
Organization Development efforts are intended to bring changes in the theoretical and
conceptual environment of an organization. It also enables to change the outlook of the
organizational employees. Each employee begins to lend his support to his colleagues
when it is required. It also helps employees to develop interpersonal competence including
communication skills and an insight into themselves as well as others.

(iv) Phase 4: Change management and evaluation

Mid course evaluation

Once interventions have taken place, it is necessary to ascertain if the desired results are
being generated, and for this, a periodic evaluation should take place. If the results are not
as desired then it is required to have further follow up. If they are desirable, then the
examination of interventions takes place to understand whether interventions were as per
the plan. If interventions are as per plan but are not generating the desired results, the
reasons must be evaluated and if required, designing and introduction of alternative
interventions needs to take place.
The management/facilitators should be clear about the following points before making
interventions:

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(a) What is aim for making the change?
(b) What are the benefits of change for the organization?
(c) How will the individuals who experience the change be affected by it?
(d) What will be the supports and tools required for managing the transition?

3.4 Change Management Process Control

In the change management process, controlling takes place at various steps, which are as
follows:
Step l: Preparation for change
As a first step, in the preparation stage, the change manager has to focus on the following
aspects
(a) The required change has to be identified
(b) Determination of the major concerns and issues needs to be determined
(c) The obstacles or hurdles to be identified
(d) Calculating the involvement of risk and determination of the cost of change
(e) Understanding the reasons for resisting the change
(f) A suitable method to be devised recognizing the requirement for change and
identification of the present position

Step 2: Building a vision

To build a vision is the second step in the change management process. In this stage, the
following aspects need to be taken into consideration:
(a) Formulating a clear vision
(b) Helping people in identifying what is involved in a change i.e. the proposal for change,
the actions needed for it and its impact.
(c) The ways to manage the change

Step 3: Plan the change

The planning stage considers the following aspects:
(a) Developing an appropriate strategy for the introduction of change
(b) Designing of the change
(c) Making available the complete details of what is involved in the change and explain the
need for change
(d) Involve people in planning the change
(e) All those who are concerned with the change to be communicated the plan
(f) A timeframe to be devised for change
(g) A plan of action to be made for monitoring change
(h) Understanding the reasons for the resistance of change

Step 4: Implementing the change

(a) The activities involved in implementing the change follow
(b) The change management strategy to be implemented
(c) Keeping the records of the progress
(d) Assuring change is taking place and it is permanent in nature
(e) Identification of the gaps and working upon weaknesses.

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(f) Resistance to be overcome
(g) Involvement of stakeholders who will be the recipients of change
(h) An effective reward or incentive system to be developed
(i) Adopting all the strategies related to change

Step 5: Monitoring and reviewing change

In monitoring and reviewing change following activities are involved
(a) Change to be recorded and monitored
(b) Assessing progress as compared to the set targets
(c) Ensuring the achievement of the desired results
(d) Determining the success of the project
(e) Monitoring how the stakeholders perceive the changed situation
(f) Helping people who are not responding to the change
(g) Sustenance of the change, without any backsliding

UNIT 4 Resistance to Change

4.1 Introduction
In the previous unit, we have learnt how change management happens once there is
awareness or a need to bring about such a change.

Typically, organizational change is brought forth by major external driving forces such as
significant reduction in funding, the need for major new markets/ clients, considerable
increase in productivity and services, and so on. For this, organizations must initiate macro
changes, that is, evolve from a highly reactive, entrepreneurial organization to a more
stable and planned setup. Today, change is essential to survival and has become a way of
carrying out business. Every business firm, whether big or small, if it does not change, will
perish. This change compels organizations to come out of their comfort zones. An
organization’s success depends upon how effectively and efficiently the management and
members address the issue of implementation of change and how well they are prepared to
handle the resistance. Organizational change is a collaborative effort. One of the goals of
change management is concerned with the humanistic feature of getting over resistance to
change so that organizational members give in to change and achieve the organizational
goal of an orderly and effective transformation.

4.2 Concept of Resistance to Change

Resistance to change represents an attitude or behaviour that reflects an unwillingness to

support change. Managers of organizations view resistance as an enemy of change, which
must be overcome if a change effort is to be successful. This perspective is also reflected
in Ansoff’s definition of resistance: ‘Resistance has been considered as a phenomenon that
affects the change process, delaying or slowing down its beginning, obstructing or
hindering its implementation, and increasing its cost.’

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Research too has shown that if resistance issues are not handled properly then major
change efforts fail. In order for change to successfully take place, this resistance must be
overcome. There are times when resistance has a positive outcome especially when it
serves as a feedback on the proposed change. The key aspect of this constructive
approach is to evaluate the objections raised in an unbiased manner, make the necessary
changes, and keep the employees updated and educated on the proposed changes.

4.2.1 Forms of Resistance

Resistance to change can be in several forms, explicit, implicit, immediate or
deferred/delayed. If it is explicit and immediate, the senior management should be prompt
in taking steps to remedy the situation. Implicit resistance could cause loss of loyalty,
reduced level of motivation, increase in errors and absenteeism, etc. Similarly, delayed
resistance creates problems over a period of time particularly when significant resources
have been invested in the change process.

As stated above, resistance may be in the form of two kinds of reactions:

Explicit:
(i) Show of disagreement
(ii) Strikes
(iii) Not meeting deadlines
(iv) Increased employee turnover

Implicit:
(i) Loss of loyalty
(ii) Lowering of morale
(iii) Absence
(iv) Avoidance
(v) Low tolerance

4.3 Techniques to Overcome Resistance

If the changes are to be implemented successfully, they need full acceptance from
employees. The easiest way to get this acceptance is the participation of employees in the
change effort.

Kinicki and Krietner have suggested six change approaches to deal with resistance to
change:

Education and communication

One of the ways to overcome resistance when there is lack of communication is to educate
and communicate with the people affected by the change, to convince them that the
changes are in the organization’s and their interests. Once education and communication
are instated, people will be more helpful in implementing change.

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Participation and involvement
This approach is useful when the management is not in a position to introduce change. The
management can involve the employees in the change process and overcome resistance, if
any. If the information is inadequate and the people impacted are powerful, this is the best
approach.

Facilitation and support

This approach helps the affected people adapt to the changed scenario especially if they
fear that they will not able to adjust. The best way to prove that their fears are unfounded is
by giving them appropriate support in terms of counselling, coaching and training. This
would not only help them overcome fear and anxiety during the transition period but would
also raise their skills and competency levels for their new roles.

Negotiation and agreement

This approach can be employed in situations where a group of people fear losing power,
money, etc. and therefore resist change. This can be handled by negotiating incentives with
them. Negotiation and agreement techniques are used when costs and benefits must be
balanced for the welfare of all concerned parties.

Manipulation and co-option

This approach involves co-opting with the resistors. Co-option involves the patronising
gesture in bringing a person into a change management planning group just for the sake of
appearances rather than for any substantive contribution. It can be disastrous if people feel
manipulated; it might lower their morale.

Explicit and implicit coercion

This approach can be employed in situations where change is imposed for the survival of
the organization and speed is essential. Management can explicitly or implicitly force
employees to accept change by making it clear that any resistance to change may lead to
firing, transferring or losing of jobs. Organizations can find it risky as it might leave people
angry and discontented.

Leadership: The greater the prestige and the credibility of the manager, who is acting as a
change agent, the greater will be his influence upon the employees who will be involved in
the change process. In addition to the manager who is the authorized leader, there may be
an informal leader, who commands more respect and has a stronger influence and may be
able to exert emotional pressure on his ‘followers’ to bring about the change.

Willingness for the sake of the group: Some individuals may be willing to accept change,
even if they are not totally satisfied with it, if the group they belong to is willing to accept the
change. This is especially true of those individuals who have a continuous psychological
relationship with the group and would do anything for the sake of group ‘cohesiveness’. The
management must isolate such influential groups and impress upon them to persuade their
members for change.

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Timing of change: Timing of introduction of change can determine the extent or probability
of resistance. There is always a right time and a wrong time for introducing something new.
The right time obviously will meet less resistance. The management must therefore be very
careful in choosing the most favourable time for change, such as soon after a major
improvement in working conditions.

UNIT 5 Strategies for Implementing Change

5.1 Introduction
To categorize the change environment different strategies and tools are used. In
organizations, change strategies are adopted on the basic premise that people will
volunteer to engage themselves in the change process. In the current unit, we will focus on
such strategies for implementing change.

5.2 Change Management Strategies

Normally, organizations adopt four types of change strategies: (i) normative re-educative (ii)
empirical-rational (iii) power-coercive, and (iv) environmental-adaptive. These strategies
are not mutually exclusive; rather they work and support the effective implementation plan
at different stages of the change process.

5.3 Types of Change Management Strategies

Fred Nickols categorized change management strategies into four types. The first three
change management strategies, i.e., rational-empirical, normative reeducative, and power-
coercive, are adapted from Chin and Benne’s landmark contribution to changes in human
systems. The fourth, that is, action-centred as referred to by other scholars, has been
introduced by Nickols as environmental-adaptive strategy.

5.3.1 Facilitating Change

The most complex human and organizational phenomenon is communication. So when you
have to communicate a change, it will include what should be achieved or what involves the
communication process. Identifying ways to communicate is what is most complex. It is not
simple to effectively communicate the vision, mission and strategic intent of the
organization. The priorities of the strategy may need to be further clarified as well as
simplified. Instead of communicating the whole strategy which can be very complex and
can have ramifications, a better approach is to emphasize and stress upon the key features
or aspects of strategy. One can use a variety of techniques like face-to-face, one-to-one,
through routine bulletins and notice boards and circulars around the organization. Other
effective means of communication can be involving employees in the planning of strategic
change and in the development process for the same. Communication needs to be taken
as a two-way process.

To ask for feedback on communication is important. It becomes necessary when there is

difficulty in understanding the changes to be introduced or when the changes appear to be
threatening or when it is critically important to get the changes right. The focus group can

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be employed by senior executives to see the overall implementation and acceptance of
change; this can be an effective technique to get feedback. Use of grapevine or informal
communication which takes the form of gossip, rumours and storytelling are other powerful
techniques to get the feedback. In the best interests of the organization, the senior
executives should control and manage the grapevine.

To facilitate change, there are some very specific tactics which can be employed:

(i) Timings: While planning for structural change, the importance of timing should not
be neglected. To promote change, timing refers to choosing the correct time tactically.

(ii) (ii) Dismissals, job losses and de-layering: Job losses, closure of units of the
organization which also results in hundreds or thousands of job losses, removal of senior
executives or even chief executive are often associated with change programmes.

(iii) (iii) Visible short-term wins: Strategy has to do with long-term direction and major
decisions. Nonetheless, it is essential to ensure during the implementation of strategy that
the change programme has detailed action plans and tasks associated with the strategy.

(iv) (iv) Promoting winners and heroes: Change often creates winners or losers. But
this cannot be considered as win-win for everyone. Senior leadership needs to create a
culture of high performance by promoting winners and heroes as symbol of high
performers. Success stories should be propagated within managers for the programming of
their mind and behaviour and its repeat success. This is generally considered an important
tactic in the implementation of strategy.

5.4 Implementing Change

Managers need to take into account the resources and support in the organization, in order
to move a change effort from the idea stage to its actual implementation. Kanter has
described the following three sets of ‘basic commodities’ or ‘power tools’ that can be
acquired by members of an organization to gain power:
(i) Information (data, technical knowledge, political intelligence, expertise)
(ii) Resources (funds, materials, staff, time)
(iii) Support (endorsement, backing, approval, legitimacy)

To acquire as many of these power tools as required is the first strategy in implementing a
change so that a planned change can be initiated by the change agents. The change agent
needs to make others realize that the critical need for the change and the support for the
change by the individual can be sought before sponsorship of the change so that they feel
that they are proactively involved in a much desired change in the organization.

Another strategy is to introduce the change in a manner where individuals feel less
threatened and accept the change in a better manner. For example, it is easier to
implement change of a product or a project when:

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 Conducted on a trial basis.
 It can be reversed if it does not work.
 It is implemented in small steps.
 It is familiar and consistent with past experience.
 It fits with the present direction of the organization.
 It is built on the prior commitments or projects of the organization.

Apart from this, the other strategy can be to build coalitions throughout the entire process of
implementing the change. All areas which are going to be affected by the desired change
must give their support. The change agents can meet the supporters individually rather
than in formal meetings to deal with any concern or question. Such informal networking
works wonders and goes a long way in acceptance of change in the organization. ‘Pre-
meetings’ give the opportunity to ‘trade’ some of the power tools that have been gained in
order to generate support in implementing change. If the change agents know how a
particular employee will react, as some of them are very reactive, they will be able to garner
more support.

The following are different levers that can be employed to manage strategic change:

 Structure and control systems: The results will not be effective if the change in
strategy is not accompanied by changes in the behaviour and assumptions of the
managers. It is important to understand and identify whether the proposed strategic change
is in tune with the thinking values and system or promotes and incorporates criticality. The
change agents should not focus only on generating consent while designing structure and
control system. A system is composed of various sub-systems. Although the system
stresses upon uniformity, conformity and stability, it is likely that these various sub-systems
also entail different views and critical thinking. Therefore, it is important for change agents
to promote knowledge and values appropriate for strategic change.

 Routines: Routines persist over time and are the guidelines for people’s behaviour.
They help in leading the organization to achieve a competitive edge and also help in
carrying out its operations in a distinctive manner. At the same time, routines can also
emerge as a hurdle to creativity and innovation in the organization which can create a
strategic drift. Thus, changing a routine helps people in evaluating and changing their
beliefs and assumptions which can eventually lead to change in behaviour. Therefore
managers who are trying to achieve strategic changes should take personal responsibility
in identifying changes in routines, and also in ensuring that they actually occur. The
changes may seem to be simple and usual in nature but can have a significant impact.

 Symbolic processes: Symbolic acts and artefacts of an organization suggest that

there is a relation between organizational culture and strategy. In terms of effecting or
consolidating change, many of rituals of the organizations are implicitly concerned. They
can be managed proactively, while old rituals can be done away with and new rituals can
be introduced. Symbolic significance is also embedded in the systems and processes of
the organization. Reward system, information and control system, and organizational
structures that give a flow of reporting relationships and status, are also symbolic in nature.
CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 27
For example, in an organization, a highly formal selection interview procedure may
symbolize a mechanistic, hierarchical organization, whereas a more informal dialogue or
discussion will symbolize an environment and expectation of challenge and questioning.

Within an organization, a commitment to strategic change can be signalled if there is a

change in the selection procedure and different types of managers get appointed and there
is a visible emphasis on accepting challenges and questioning. In this sense, selection
processes are symbolic in nature. Similarly, other powerful symbols of change are changes
in the physical aspects of the work environment like if there is a change in the location of
the head office, relocation of personnel, a change in the dress code or uniform, or some
alterations have taken place in the office space.

 Political processes: Power advocacy for change is required in the organization in

order to bring momentum to the change specifically from CEOs or board members or
unions as well as the influential outsiders. The interests and power of the individuals and
groups combine in the organization to make changes happen. Thus it becomes essential to
understand the political context both in and outside the organization, for change to take
place successively. Just like we have a ruling party and an opposition party in Parliament,
similarly, in the organization either public or private, there is an unsaid ruling party and also
an opposition party. The individuals of the organization are perceived to be on both sides
and there is a variation in their nature of opposition of change depending upon the type of
industry, sector and size of organization.

5.4.1 Reviewing Change

After a change process has been implemented, organizations review the process against
the original Change Management Plan. This is an ongoing process, even as the change
program is underway and continues for a few months after the change has been
implemented. Ongoing course-correction is undertaken to make necessary and immediate
changes to the agreed plan. The core committee that led the change process meets at
predefined intervals, normally every fortnight, to assess plan versus actual process, assess
degree of change that has taken place, review what went well and what needs to be
changed/reconsidered (if any) and update the change plan. Soliciting feedback from
employees to ascertain how the change process could be better managed is also a part of
the review activity and it provides useful insights on how to better manage the change
process in the future. Reviewing the change process at each stage of the change helps
ensure that continuous learning is enabled and the organization benefits by being able to
manage change initiatives more effectively and successfully.

A change programme should be reviewed at least bi-monthly because the probability that
the change programme will run into trouble rises exponentially when the time between
reviews exceeds two months. A manager can schedule more frequent reviews depending
on how long he feels the change programme can be on track without receiving feedbacks
and suggestions. Complex change programmes should be reviewed more frequently, i.e.,
once a fortnight, whereas familiar or straightforward change programmes can be reviewed
at longer intervals, i.e., once in two months.

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Senior managers can review the execution of the change programme, identify gaps, and
spot new risks by scheduling milestones and assessing their impact. An effective milestone
describes major actions or achievements rather than day-to-day activities. The milestone
should cover a number of tasks that the change programme team must complete. An
example of an effective milestone is ‘consultations with stakeholders completed’ because it
represents an achievement and shows that the change programme has made significant
headway.

Unit 6 Evaluating Organizational Change

6.1 Introduction

In this unit, the focus shifts entirely on evaluating the change that has taken place and the
different techniques that will help companies conduct a fair evaluation.

6.2 Concept of Monitoring and Evaluation

Monitoring can be a critical tool for the senior management, since it can provide an
accurate basis for evaluation if it is used in an efficient manner. It enables you to
understand whether there is sufficient and appropriate capacity or not, if there is a best
possible use of the available resources and whether the implementation process is going
as per the plan.

Evaluation determines what has been planned, whether it has been achieved and also how
it has been achieved. It is the comparison of how an actual project has an impact on the
agreed strategic plans. It can be a formative evaluation of when it takes place while the
project is going on, which can further help in identifying the loopholes and in improving the
strategy or way of functioning of the project. When knowledge is derived from an already
completed project, it is known as summative.

Both monitoring and evaluation aim at understanding what is being done and how it is
being done. It essentially refers to a process by which an organization can identify and
measure its:
 Efficiency
 Effectiveness
 Impact

Efficiency stresses upon money, time, staff and equipment. These are the four main
concerns of efficiency and form the input which subsequently gets converted into output.
Higher the output, greater is the organization’s efficiency.

Effectiveness is a measure to understand the extent to which development programmes or

projects achieve their specific objective. For example, effectiveness helps gauge the
success rate of developmental programmes aimed to improve the qualifications of all high
school teachers in a specific area.

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Impact tells us what improvements have come about in the areas which needed evaluation.
In other words, were the strategies useful in any way? If so, then what were they? For
instance, did ensuring that teachers are well qualified correlate with an improvement in the
pass rate in the final year of school.

Before attempting to replicate the project on a bigger scale elsewhere, it is considered

prudent, if you first assess your desired level of impact. This can be derived from the
existing data on the project. Monitoring and evaluation has a bigger and more nuanced
agenda. Apart from helping organizations increase their output, the process under study
allows companies to evaluate their contribution towards that particular industry.

Monitoring and evaluation help achieve the following:

 Assess the level of progress.
 Identify and segregate the problems that have emerged during the stages of
planning and/or implementation.
 Chalk out corrections and other adjustments to the process so that it is more likely to
make an impact.

Monitoring and evaluation therefore enable companies to realize their potential.

Plans are essential but they cannot be rigid. If they are not working, or if the environmental
conditions change, then plans need to change too. Monitoring and evaluation are the
instruments through which organizations are able to understand when a plan is not
working, and when conditions have changed. They provide information to the management
in terms of including the necessary changes to be made in strategy or plans.

Monitoring and evaluation can:

 Help identify problems and their root causes
 Provide possible solutions to those problems
 Critically appraise assumptions and strategy
 Focus on finding where you are heading and the means adopted
 Provide information and insight
 Encouragement to take action based on the information and insight
 Chances of making a positive development difference get increased

Monitoring involves:
 Establishing indicators of efficiency, effectiveness and impact
 Setting up of systems to collect information relating to the above mentioned
indicators
 Collecting information and its subsequent recording
 Analysing information
 Availability of this information to different verticals and team members

The usual organizational practice is to perceive monitoring as a part of internal functions

and operations.
Evaluation involves:
CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 30
 Finding out what is to be achieved? What difference will it make? What impact it is
going to have?
 Assessment in terms of where the project is heading, what it wanted to achieve, as
well as what are its impact targets.
 Does the organization have any strategy; is it effective in terms of facilitating the
envisioned changes? Is the strategy functioning, if not, why?
 Finding out how it had worked initially. Was the use of resources efficient? What is
the opportunity cost of using this approach? To what extent is the chosen project method
enduring? How does it impact the different stakeholders?

6.3 Measurement and Methods of Evaluation

The process of evaluation is dependent on a sound assessment of efficiency, effectiveness
and impact.

Evaluation can be conducted using several methods. Some of these are:

(i) Self-evaluation: This involves an organization holding up a mirror to itself, assessing
how it is doing in terms of enhancing learning and improving practices.
Only a self-reflective organization will be able to do this effectively and if done satisfactorily
it can enhance our learning.

(ii) Participatory evaluation: This evaluation is inclusive in nature. It includes all those
people who are involved in the project. Essentially perceived to be an internal evaluation
process, the rationale of the participatory model is to enhance communication and traffic of
thoughts between different team members. Besides the project staff, this may also include
beneficiaries who will then work together on the evaluation. If an outsider is invited and
involved, he will assume the role of a facilitator rather than an evaluator.

(iii) Rapid participatory appraisal: It is a qualitative way of doing evaluations which is

semi-structured. It is carried out by an interdepartmental team in a short span of time and
can be applied to most communities. It is a quick, cheap, useful way to gather information
about the local conditions. Rapid appraisal focuses on the use of secondary data (rather
than primary). These include learnings from direct observation, partly-structured oneon-
one and group interviews, informant interviews, games or exercises, etc. In the context of
evaluation, valuable inputs can be obtained from all those who will be benefitting from
development work. It is flexible and interactive in nature.
(v) External evaluation: The evaluation team comprises all those who are not part of
the internal proceedings of the organization and are chosen very carefully. They are the
ones responsible for conduction a smooth evaluation.

(v) Interactive evaluation: It includes interaction between an outside evaluator or

evaluation team and the organization or project being evaluated. Sometimes an insider
may be included in the evaluation team. The aim of the interactive evaluation model is to
enhance the flow of communication between different team members.

6.4 Feedback Process

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In order to ensure that organizations incorporate the suggested changes, feedback
obtained from change agents should have a strong basis. The content of the feedback
should be relevant, comprehensible, clear, descriptive, verifiable, realistic, timely available
in a precise and crisp manner.

PART TWO :CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

INTRODUCTION
Language for conflict or co-operation?

 Have you ever slammed a door in rage?

 Are you inclined to avoid the issue?
 Do you say ‗you should‘ or ‗you never‘?
 Do you get the boxing gloves out every time a row beckons?
 Do you sometimes make accusing statements like ‗you started it‘ or ‗it‘s your fault‘?
 Do you often cover up your real feelings by saying ‗it doesn‘t matter‘ when it does, or
‗I‘m fine‘ when you are not?
 Ever been so hurt, angry and resentful that you don‘t care about the other person,
you just want revenge?
 Have you ever wished you could handle those difficult people better?

If so, then this book is for you. It will give you some tried and proven ways to prevent and
manage conflict in your life. It is written for parents, managers, teachers, students, anyone
who wishes to manage differences in open and honest ways without argument or conflict.

Me and my big mouth!

No matter who you are, or where you live, if you are in contact with other people you are
likely to face some form of conflict, be it a minor irritation or an earth-shattering row.
The answer to resolving these conflicts is right under your nose, in the words you use.
Words enable you to build bridges or create barriers.
Words have the power to
 heal or wound
 unite or divide
 create conflict or harmony.

The cost of conflict.

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Of course we are all different from each other. We have different needs, tastes, opinions,
beliefs, preferences and values. The question is, how do we cope with the differences? Are
they allowed to get in the way and be the source of conflict, or can we celebrate the
differences and view them creatively? Let‘s look at a few problem scenarios.

Conflict wastes time and money

Relationship cost
Kate finds Pete increasingly distant and hostile at times. She would like to come home from
work and chat about her day and hear all about his day, but he comes home wanting to be
left alone to unwind. Kate feels excluded, and Pete seems to be spending more and more
time in front of his computer.

What needs to happen? Would a good row clear the air? Should they pretend there isn‘t a
problem? What choices do they have? What are the words they need to use to resolve this
difference?

Mike wants up-to-date information for the monthly sales meeting. Lisa seldom meets the
deadline, complaining that she never has time to collect the data and write a
comprehensive report.

Mike is getting increasingly frustrated and angry with Lisa. She feels that Mike is
unreasonable and insensitive to her situation. The increasing tension and anger shows in
the raised voices whenever this matter is discussed.

They are getting locked into a ‗you against me‘ scenario. What choices do Mike and Lisa
have for moving this situation forward?

Cost to the individual

While conflict can be constructive, most conflict is destructive, with time, emotional and
health costs. Kate and Pete, Lisa and Mike might argue, retaliate, blame and engage in a
war of words. Such power struggles can result in stress, loss of confidence, unhappiness,
hostility, withdrawal and even illness.

Cost to the organization

Conflict not only has a high personal cost but it is expensive for your organization.
Research indicates that a typical manager loses 25% of the day responding to unhelpful
conflict. This is time lost to creative, productive work.

Take a medium sized organization with one hundred managers. Let‘s assume the average
annual salary per manager is £40,000. With managers losing 25% of their time on conflict,
the cost will be £1,000,000.( £ IS= POUND USED AS A CURRENCY IN UNITED
KINGDOM )

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This only accounts for management time. The true cost will include wasted employee time,
higher staff turnover, missed opportunities, absenteeism, inefficiency, low morale and poor
teamwork.

Conversely of course, people who are skilled at managing conflict are more likely to be
perceived as leaders, are more influential, gain respect and co-operation and increase the
worth of an organization.

Unmanaged conflict is the largest reducible cost for many organizations and it is usually the
least recognized.

Breaking the stalemate

In conflict, there is the danger that people get locked into their own positions, digging their
heels in and insisting they get their own way. If this happens, it is stalemate with both sets
of needs unmet. It is a you against me scenario.

This book is about how to make the transformation from you against me to us against the
problem. It is about giving the reader more behavioral choices in managing differences. It
will leave you better equipped to deal with the difficult people in your life. It will show you
how to:
 prevent blow-ups
 defuse anger
 build bridges
 keep your cool
 resolve conflict for good
 build better relationships
 avoid the pitfalls.

CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 34

 UNIT 7
How the View Explains our Differences

In this chapter:
 understand your unique window on the world
 your view is subjective, partial and likely to be distorted
 Hero or villain – whose viewpoint?
 opinions are not right or wrong they are points of view
 seek to understand rather than to change others
 beware of making assumptions about people‘s intentions
 Explore different perspectives for richer solutions.

Without realising it, we can become stuck in how we view things. The first way we look at
something is not always the only or the ‗best‘ way. The more ways we can view a situation,
the more possibilities we will discover and the more creative we can be.

Where do you see the circle in the diagram overleaf:

 at the lower right hand corner of the rear panel?
 at the centre of the front panel?
 at the lower right corner of the front panel?
 at the centre of the back panel?

Beware of expecting others to see what you see.

Different views

An old story tells how five blind men once went to find out what an elephant was like. They
found one and felt it all over. One found its waving trunk. ‗It‘s like a snake,‘ he said.

Another found its tail. ‗More like a rope,‘ was his opinion.

A third touched one of the elephant‘s big ears. ‗It‘s like a fan,‘ he said.

‗No, like a pillar,‘ said the fourth, feeling its great leg.
The last man leaned against the elephant‘s massive side. ‗It‘s like a wall,‘ he declared.

Each of them experienced the elephant from his own point of view, and each came to a
different conclusion. That is the trouble with points of view. If you want a true view of
anything, you must look at it from every angle. Otherwise, if you stick to your own point of
view, as someone has said, you will sit on the point and lose the view.
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We all have slightly different views on the world. Our window on the world is filtered by our
early experiences, beliefs and memories. These filters allow us to deal with the two million
bits of information that we are exposed to at any one moment. It is impossible to process all
this data. So we delete, distort and generalise the incoming information.

However, many of us believe that the way we experience the world is the way it is. It is your
unique view … it is the truth for you. Others will have a different view. Their truth, while
being different from yours, is right for them.

Your reality is not totality

Of course we don‘t have totality. What we experience is subjective, partial and likely to be
distorted. People believed the world was flat until fifteenth-century explorers discovered
that we can go to theEast by sailing west. When Albert Einstein was ten years old, his
teacher told him that he would not amount to much. Mr Gottlieb Daimler, the founder of
Daimler Motor Company, said that the car would never catch on because there would
never be enough chauffeurs. The president of Decca Records, rejecting the Beatles, said,
‗We don‘t like their sound and guitar music is on the way out anyway.‘

Which person is the tallest?

Our views are always restricted to the window we have on our world and its filters. Without
realising it, we are discounting something from what is out there.

‘I didn’t notice what she was wearing.’

‘I didn’t realise you felt like that about me.’
‘I didn’t hear him say that.’

How much can you trust your experiences?

Is the world flat? Well it certainly looks it. Is it stationary? It has that appearance. However,
the astronomer will tell us we are rotating at thousands of miles an hour. Is the chair you
are sitting on solid? If I strike my hand against it, it certainly feels solid. However, the
physicist will tell us it is a moving bundle of energy.

Difficult people
Mike is quick to act. Sarah finds him abrasive and Fiona sees him as rash. Who is this
person? Is he quick to act, rash or abrasive? He is all three, it depends on the window and
the view. They are opinions, each one created from a partial view with information
discounted. Who is right? Everyone and no one.

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A bucket of water can be a home to a fish, a cool drink to an elephant and a lake to an ant.
What you experience reflects who you are. If someone is difficult for you, how much does
that reflect you? There will be other people who won‘t find that behaviour difficult … they
have a different window on it. Maybe people are difficult because of who you are!

Who is right?
Fox-hunting is a sport to some people and slaughter to another. Everyone thinks he is right,
and each opinion will be right for that individual. There is always more than what any of us
are noticing at any given moment. Expand your view to grow in wisdom.

Can you see the hero?

Because you don‘t see something, it doesn‘t mean it is not there. Even though you can‘t
see the stars when the sun comes up, they are still there. You might see this person as
abrasive. Behind abrasiveness is quickness to act; this is a strength, even though you
might not see it as such. Every villain is likely to be a hero in his own story.

Recognize the positive intention

Conflict often comes from goodwill, people thinking they are doing right but in fact getting it
wrong. Having been round the block three times looking for a street, you suggest to your
partner that he stops and asks someone … and the advice is rejected. Although you were
only trying to help, your partner heard an attack on his competence.

I care – you feel smothered

I am assertive – you see me as aggressive
I am principled – you experience me as stubborn
I am ambitious – you see me as ruthless

Intent and impact

We are inclined to draw conclusions about people‘s intentions from how their behaviour
impacts on us. I feel hurt, therefore you intended to hurt me. I feel put down, so your
intention was to humiliate me.

This is not always the case. When someone says ‘But I was only trying to help you’ they
are really saying they have a positive intention, even though your experience of it was
negative.

Beware of making assumptions about people‘s intentions. You may wish to assume the
best about the person, not the worst. In his view he is a hero. Acknowledge this, ‘I
appreciate you want to help, however, I feels mothered and in future I would like to … ’
Now there is the possibility that real understanding and collaboration will ensue.

State your positive intention

Ask yourself what is your real purpose in what you are about to say or do. ‘I don’t want to
waste your time and I’d like to clear up some misunderstandings …’ To enhance co-
operation, tell your truth in a way that the other recognizes your positive intention.

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Watch your language
While I experience you as abrasive, to say ‘You are abrasive’ is unhelpful and likely to lead
to argument, as it is not how you see yourself. The view through your window is ‘I am quick
to act.’

‘You’ language is likely to be confrontational. Talk about what you experience about the
other person through your window … and don‘t expect them to have the same view as you!

Do say

‘My view is …’
‘My perception is …’
‘What I experience is …’
‘What I need is …’
‘My concerns are …’

Beware

‘You never …’
‘You are …’
‘You should …’

Opinions or facts?

In the film Annie Hall, Alvie Singer complains

‘We never have sex’.
‘We’re constantly having sex’, says his girlfriend.
‘How often do you have sex?’, asks the therapist.
‘Three times a week’, they reply in unison.

In conflict we are inclined to treat opinions as if they are facts. Opinions are not right or
wrong, they are points of view. They are what you are noticing through that window of
yours, which of course, is different to what others are noticing through their windows.
Having sex three times a week is a fact. Whether that is too much or too little, is an opinion.

Don’t argue with perception.

Truth or importance?
You drive too fast.
I deserve a pay rise.

These opinions are not about what is true but what is important to you. If different things
are important to you, these opinions of mine will seem a nonsense and we will just argue.
When arguing, I am convinced that I am right and this only distracts me from exploring your
world. It is not whether one view is right and another wrong, it is that both views matter.
One view is seldom enough.
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People who run with the mind set ‗I am right‘ will be inclined to see others as the problem
and that they should change … they are the ones who are being unreasonable, closed and
stubborn. In reality, it is the arrogance of the ‗I am right‘ attitude that is likely to perpetuate
the problem.

Changing someone

Trying to change someone rarely results in change. Change is more likely to come from
understanding. Wanting to change someone implies there is something wrong with that
person and of course this only leads to defensiveness and argument. Seeking to
understand, suggests the other person is OK in her view of the world. This is the mind set
that creates collaboration and mutual problem-solving.

Rather than judge behavior, connect with needs.

Blame
Blame looks to the past and who was right or wrong. You may wish to keep the focus on
the future and how the situation can be solved. When your dog goes missing, where is the
energy better spent … looking for the dog or arguing over who left the gate open? When
we feel accused, we can spend the time in futile arguing rather than productive problem
solving. Avoid making the other person wrong.

Sense and nonsense

When we argue, we tend to offer our opinions, use ‗shoulds‘ and give advice.

‘You should be more considerate.’

‘Slow down.’
‘If only you wouldn’t be so selfish.’

These opinions and advice are like the tip of the iceberg of your thinking. Underneath, and
unseen, will be your experiences, beliefs and concerns, from which you form these
opinions and advice. They make total sense to you.
However, to someone with a different set of experiences, beliefs and values they become
nonsense. Of course, this person will offer different opinions and advice in line with their
values, beliefs and experiences.

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When we argue, we are likely to be at the tip of the iceberg, trading in the surface thinking
of opinions and ‗shoulds‘.

Understanding is about exploring the unseen bits of other people‘s icebergs, their thoughts,
feelings and intentions. It‘s about exploring information on themselves that they have
access to but that you don‘t yet see. Arguing drives people apart, understanding draws
people together. Rather than contradict a view, you might wish to add to it.

UNIT 8
Differences in Personality Types

In this chapter:
 the four basic personality types
 typical sources of tension across these styles
 strengths can be experienced as weaknesses
 the type that will find your behaviour difficult
 dovetailing the differences.

Sarah and Mike are driving up the motorway to attend a business meeting. Sarah turns to
Mike and asks ―Would you like to stop for a coffee?‖. ―No thanks‖, he answers truthfully. So
they didn‘t.

An atmosphere develops between them, which eventually Mike notices. ―Anything the
matter?‖ he asks. ―Yes, I would have liked a coffee‖ and he replies, ―Well why didn‘t you
say so‖.

Communication Styles.

Sarah did say so, but in her indirect way. However, Mike has a more direct style and he
heard a question of him not a request from her. Mike doesn‘t understand Sarah. Sarah
doesn‘t understand Mike. It feels as if they don‘t even speak the same language … they
certainly have different communication styles.

While we may have the same mother tongue, English, somehow we speak different
languages. French, English and Italian use the same alphabet but are different languages.
Conflict often happens because we are not aware we have different styles of
communication, in effect that we speak different languages.

The four Personality Types

Dr Carl Jung in the 1920s studied personality types and described four basic styles. This
provides a simple model to understand why people are experienced as different from and
difficult for each other. Variations of his model have been validated with hundreds of
thousands of people across many cultures, East and West.
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Each of the four types has a different way of viewing the world and of communicating with
other people. They each have a language preference. Research shows that people who
are fluent across the four languages have most rapport and least conflict. People who are
inflexible and locked in their own style are experienced as difficult and the source of
conflict.

Difficult people are usually inflexible people

Go-Getter – Mike
Mike is driven by the need to achieve, to get things done quickly and efficiently. He hates it when
his time is wasted or when people take a long time to get to the point. He would not want to be seen
as gullible or indecisive. His communication style is functional and direct. His energy is high and
somewhat ‗in your face‘.

Mike gets straight to the point. He doesn‘t hold back. If something is a non-runner he says so
without any attempt to spare people‘s feelings. A flaw is a flaw...a spade is a spade. Why waste
time on
it? So he doesn‘t. If his colleagues continue to discuss it, he switches off.

Mike is someone who is driven by results. This is how he feels good about himself. He is the ‗get it
done‘, ‗no problem‘ type of person. He is a doer rather than a talker or thinker. He is decisive, and
even
though not all his decisions are the best ones you are likely to hear him say, ―you win some you
lose some‖. He believes that indecision is also a decision, and a bad one!

He works to deadlines and likes getting a lot done in a short time. He has little time for small talk
and when he rings he likes to get straight down to business. He has little tolerance of people who
make excuses or give long-winded explanations and he expects people to keep their personal
problems at home. He finds it difficult to listen to peoples‘ problems.

He would like others to be direct, decisive, to get straight to the point and to be results focused. He
respects people who act quickly, take risks and are high achievers. He values success, power and
speed.

While Mike sees himself as enterprising, persuasive, decisive and a bit of an entrepreneur, others
on his team have a different perspective on him. Sarah finds him arrogant, abrasive, insensitive and
conceited. Fiona on the other hand sees him as unprincipled, rash and a risk taker, whereas Darren
experiences him as egotistical, inflexible, obstinate and rude.

Carer – Sarah

Sarah is a polite, warm friendly person. She is sensitive, modest and unassuming. She is inclined to
take other people‘s problems to heart and likes to help. Relationships are important to Sarah. She is
generous with her time and is a good listener. She feels a certain obligation to volunteer for the jobs
that no one else wants to do. She dislikes conflict of any kind and works hard at keeping harmony in
the team.

She has a gentle, low-key approach to others and likes to accommodate. She is seldom critical of
others and she is usually generous with her praise.
CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 41
She doesn‘t want to appear demanding, insensitive or selfish. She is reluctant to be too direct for
fear of upsetting others. Rather than express disagreement in meetings, she usually says nothing.
This she knows can be interpreted as approval.

She feels Mike takes advantage of her good nature and willingness to please. He delegates the
unimportant jobs to her and she feels resentful for being dumped on.

She has been in the same company for 15 years and is known by most of the staff. The main
reason, of course, is that she takes the time to listen and enquire about the people and their
families and shows sincere concern for them.

She is good at creating a two-way communication flow with the staff and getting people to work
together in co-operative, harmonious ways. People feel valued by her and know she is genuinely
interested in them and their issues.

Many people appreciate her thoughtfulness, loyalty, cooperative spirit and her sensitive, generous
nature. However, Mike sees her as gullible and submissive, Fiona finds her smothering and illogical
and Darren experiences her as hypersensitive and subservient.

Mike blames her for spending too much time with people and for being too soft with them. ―Time is
money and you are wasting it‖. He feels she should be more business than people focused. He gets
angry when she accepts the blame when things are not right.

Sarah finds Mike arrogant, even hostile and doesn‘t feel his insensitive approach gets the best from
people. He is dismissive of her efforts in bringing people together to feel part of a team. She would
not want to socialise with Mike outside of work and recognizes that she has to work hard to tolerate
him as a work colleague.

Analytical – Fiona

Fiona is a perfectionist, and for her getting things right is more important than caring or being
successful. She is thorough in her work, paying attention to detail. She is fair, principled and does
not like taking risks.

She is adept at building highly effective processes that produce consistent results. This sees her
accused of excessive regulation and a ‗do it by the book‘ mentality. She keeps a tight rein on things.
She is reluctant to delegate or give control to others, as they may not have her high standards.

Although not regarded as a people person, Fiona does not like to see people treated unfairly. She
tends to be prudent and would prefer not to make a decision than make a wrong decision. She has
charts posted that show process flow details, check lists and data inventories.

Mike gets frustrated by her ‗rather be safe than sorry‘ attitude. He finds her nit picking, slow and
pedantic. He complains about her negativity, always noticing the problems and what can go wrong.

He says it is as if every morning someone programmes her for the working day ... she never
deviates from the routine. You could set your watch by her movements. ―If she spent as much time
doing as she does making lists she wouldn‘t need a list.‖

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Fiona would like Mike to put things in writing and give her time to think. He expects her to give an
answer straight away. She gets frustrated when he gives her work at the last moment and still
expects it to be done on time. She sees Mike as rash, compromising on standards and a bit of a
gambler.

Fiona doesn‘t need praise and can feel patronised easily. Sarah is reluctant to work for her as she
is big on criticism and small on compliments. Fiona is a solitary person who likes her own company.
She is often criticised by Sarah for not being a team player and for her aloofness from people‘s
problems. Sarah finds her difficult to relate to, reserved, cold and unfriendly. Sarah regularly invites
her to staff social gatherings and if she doesn‘t refuse, she will be the first to leave. It‘s as if she
does not need people.

Fiona is suspicious of Sarah‘s decisions, which are based on intuition and feelings rather than logic
and evidence. She is critical that Sarah creates dependency by being too willing to help others. She
reasons that this only prevents people learning from their mistakes.

Fiona does not tolerate sloppiness of any nature. She will even make a fuss about a comma
missing in a report. People complain that she always seems to find something wrong with
everything, that for her, things are always black or white, right or wrong.

Darren at times finds her unimaginative, inflexible, humourless and tunnel-visioned. He wishes she
would be more open minded and more open to change.

Socializer – Darren
Darren is a relaxed, easy-going sort of person who can be accepting of delays, changes to
schedule and open to new ways of doing things. He is a positive, enthusiastic person who likes a bit
of excitement. He is a bit of a free spirit who often ignores protocol.

He likes to be consulted by others in the team and would not want to be seen as rigid, inflexible or
narrow-minded. He likes variety and wants things to be different. He becomes bored easily.

Darren is often in the limelight. He doesn‘t like being confined to routines and get restless in long
meetings. He tends to be a dreamer and looks beyond the mundane and the practical. He is
inclined to focus on broad generalisations rather than on hard facts. He is open minded and often
changes his mind when new ideas are presented.

The first thing Darren did when he joined the company was to request flexi time and take control
over his day. He did not want to be trapped in a routine of having every day the same, and being
obliged to do what someone else expected of him instead of stepping to the beat of his own drum.

Darren has creative flair and vision. He can function in chaos and confusion and is innovative in
problem solving. People admire his ability to coordinate several projects at once.

Darren is playful and fun-loving. He loves the company‘s social gatherings where he mixes well and
is often the life and soul of the party.

People appreciate his energy especially when work is tough. Somehow he sees the positive in even
the darkest situation. He has a knack of generating enthusiasm in people and making crisis
moments fun – ―What good is worrying, just enjoy it‖.

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Fiona does not always appreciate his humorous slant on life nor does she share his ―work should
be fun‖ ethos. Darren thinks aloud, putting his ideas on the table. This annoys Fiona as she likes
ideas thought through and justified.

She is upset at his disorganisation and the way he can jump from one topic to another. She wishes
he would useless superlatives and was not so unconventional. To her he is frivolous and superficial.
She is critical of his meetings, which usually start late and are casual and unstructured.

Darren wishes she would lighten up and be more tolerant of others and their mistakes. He feels
restricted by her conservatism and he finds her narrow-minded. She just does not bring out the best
in him.

Mike finds Darren‘s need to consult everyone, time consuming. He gets frustrated because Darren
starts several projects at once and then leaves them unfinished to begin even more. Mike needs
Darren to be more focused, more decisive, to make up his mind and then stick to it.
While Sarah is fond of Darren and enjoys his company she can find him irresponsible, changeable
and she can‘t always rely on him.

It is OK to be different, it is not OK to dysfunction.

Accommodating to the Style.

So here we have four people who are very different from and difficult for each other. It is
almost as if they are from different planets. Why? Because they have different drivers,
different values, different styles. Mike feels good when he can achieve, Sarah needs to
care, Fiona is driven to get things right and Darren seeks variety. Each has strengths and
these strengths can be experienced as weaknesses by other styles.

One or a combination of these basic styles drives us all. We can use all of them at different
times but feel most comfortable and good when using our own style.

It is not that one way is right and the others wrong. It is that all styles matter and need to be
accommodated. Know your drivers and you will know who will be difficult for you and why
others will find your behaviour difficult.

The values need not be in conflict, they can dovetail and blend to create something
powerful and effective. Mike‘s drive combined with Sarah‘s sensitivity, Fiona‘s methodology
and Darren‘s creativity will be a powerful force in any organization.

This happens when people recognize the validity of each other‘s style. In the naive state we
argue and conflict. We are convinced that we are right and the other wrong. Alternatively
we can problem solve and use the steps from chapter 7 to create win-win, dovetail
strengths and be special.

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 UNIT 9
Fight the Difference or celebrate it?

In this chapter:
 conflict is more to do with style than substance
 whether conflict really is constructive
 how rows can spiral out of control
 the three basic choices in managing differences
 stages leading to relationship breakdown
 how ‗shoulds‘ can be a cancer to relationships
 win-win is about meeting both sets of needs.

Every day in the media we hear or read about war, violence, divorce and social unrest. Talk
to your friends and they will tell you about their rows, arguments and difficult people. Your
children will argue over the TV and you may even have experienced road rage.

Some people see conflict as a game, a combat sport and they look for sparring partners.
Others can be devastated by the merest tiff. Is conflict inevitable? Is a relationship without
conflict healthy? Is harmony even desirable? Is conflict always bad and to be avoided?

The differences don’t have to get in the way.

Is conflict inevitable?.

Conflict is not inevitable simply because we are different. We can disagree and not be in
conflict. Conflict is more to do with style than substance. It happens because of what we do
and say about the differences, rather than arising from the differences themselves.

Conflict starters

The escalation or diffusion of conflict is to do with style, the words and the emotional
energy used. There are a number of ways that conflict can esculate.

‘Typical of you.’
‘No wonder you didn’t get that promotion.’
‘You should take more pride in your work.’
‘Why can’t you be more like your sister?’

Blame
Accuse
Interrupt
Patronise

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Contradict
Exaggerate
Personal insults
Hostile language
Bring up the past
Make assumptions
Use labels or put-downs
Don‘t accept what the other person says
Use ‗you never…‘ ‗you always…‘ ‗you should…‘

Circumstances can escalate the conflict

Issues that are resolved in minutes on that sunny beach in the middle of that relaxed
holiday, can turn out very differently if you both have had a hard day, it is late in the
evening and the children won‘t settle!

Things that can turn a trivial issue into a major disagreement include:
 tiredness
 stress
 insecurity
 illness
 mood
 alcohol

Conflict is complex
We might be arguing about money but the real issue may be about control. That sloppy
report which is handed in late might be to do with a lack of recognition and a feeling of
being taken for granted.

When a minor incident erupts into a major row, there is likely to be a deeper, more complex
issue at stake. The screwdriver left in the wrong place, the toothpaste squeezed in the
middle, the car parked at an angle … suddenly you feel you have walked on a landmine –
you probably have! The row is not about the screwdriver or the car but a deeper unfulfilled
need … perhaps to be valued, to be involved, to be accepted.

As the issue is hidden, we may not be conscious of what it is that is upsetting us until we
talk about it. Until people talk about and discoverthe underlying need, they will be dealing
with the symptoms, patching things up, becoming more frustrated and growing apart.

Little hurts
Have you ever noticed how a small graze or cut finger can really hurt when you brush
against someone? Without the sore, it would have gone unnoticed. When life is going well,
we also have a buffer, which protects us in the small ‗brushes‘ with life. If the little conflicts
of life hurt deeply, it may be useful to notice any other sore or deeper issue.

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Is conflict constructive?.

Many people suggest that conflict is healthy and constructive. While conflict can provide
broader perspectives and deeper understanding, for most people conflict is destructive.

A conflict is constructive only if as a result:

 the relationship is stronger
 you understand each other more
 there is greater willingness to meet each other‘s needs
 there is greater trust
 you have resolved the source of future conflicts
 there are richer perspectives.

If the conflict results in deeper frustration, negative feelings and a growing hostility, it is
destructive to the relationship. You have created a remedial situation from which you have
to recover.

How rows can spiral out of control

We don‘t always see a row brewing. It can catch us unawares. Before you know it, a spark
becomes a flame, then a fire, and you don‘t seem to be able to control it any more.

A slight difference over weekend plans can lead to personal insults, widen to include an
attack on in-laws, and suddenly the couple is ready to break up.

Deal with causes not symptoms.

(Pete arrives home late from work and tired after a long day).
Kate: Where have you been? You didn‘t say you‘d be late.
Pete: I don‘t have to account for every minute of my time.
Kate: This is typical, you never consider anyone else. .
Pete: You are getting more and more like your mother, .
nag nag nag … I wonder why I come home at all.
Kate: So do I ... you just sit in front of the computer .
expecting to be waited on hand and foot. .
Pete: You haven‘t got a clue. .
Kate: You know what your problem is … .
(Pete storms out, slamming the door and shouting) ..

Road to breakdown

Here are some stages that relationships go through on the way to breakdown.

1 Discussion
This is when both people are interested in the other‘s view of the world and are prepared to
share ideas, opinions and feelings. This stage is simply the meeting of minds with no
intention to get the other person to think or feel anything different.

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Characteristics include:
 respect for each other‘s viewpoint
 acceptance of the other‘s values
 broadening of perspectives

2 Debate
This is when there are different viewpoints and I would like you to see things my way, but
only if it is right for you.

Characteristics include:
 openness to your ideas
 respect for your viewpoint

3 Argument
I want you to ‗buy‘ my ideas, regardless of what you may be thinking. I am ‗right‘ and you
are ‗wrong‘. You should be doing it my way.

Characteristics include:
 disregard for other‘s viewpoint
 arguing from own perspective only
 polarization
 lots of ‗yes buts …‘

4 Conflict
Not only do I believe I am ‗right‘ and you are ‗wrong‘ but I insist you do it my way that you
act according to my values and beliefs.

Characteristics include:
 demands that you behave, as I want
 highly personalized arguments
 lots of ‗shoulds‘
 blame, accusation, put-downs

5 Breakdown
The relationship is now so painful that I need to protect myself or recover from the pain. I
act as if you don‘t exist.
Characteristics include:
 silence
 ‗cold war‘
 separate lives

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How far through these stages do you need to go to manage differences in open and honest
ways? You may find that argument and beyond are signposts to broken rapport and a
deteriorating relationship.

What are the choices?.

Each of us is different and special. We have our unique beliefs, values and needs. Different
perspectives, viewpoints, goals and approaches are the natural consequence of these
differences. The greater the differences, the more difficult it can become to maintain
harmony in the relationship.

We have three broad choices when it comes to managing differences.

1 We can choose to discuss and

debate our differences, respecting each other‘s opinion.
2 We can argue about these differences, i.e. we are convinced we are right and the
other should have our perspective.
3 We can move into conflict about these differences by imposing our way of doing
things.

What drives the conflict?

David delegates to Michael in a detailed, precise way, insisting he follow the procedures
that he has decided are right. Michael feels restricted and performs best when he can be
creative. He likes to be given a task and the freedom on how to complete it.

Argument
They argue. David argues that getting the job done right means that procedures are agreed
and followed. Michael argues that procedures can restrict creativity and demotivate him. In
essence David wants something that Michael doesn‘t value and vice versa.

Why do you insist on me seeing what you see, when I don’t?.

Conflict
Arguing is ‗intellectual‘. Conflict is behavioural. Conflict happens when David insists his
procedures are followed, preventing Michael from operating in a way that is important to
him. This is a violation of Michael‘s needs. The consequence is that Michael will begin to
feel worth less, be unhappy and less motivated.

Arrogance
While difference lies at the source of this conflict – David needs procedures and Michael
needs to be creative – it is arrogance that drives the conflict. Each is convinced he is ‗right‘,

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his way is best and the other ‗should‘ be like him. If the other person was like you, had your
beliefs, values and way of doing things you wouldn‘t be in conflict. The sub text around
conflict is: ‘I want you like me … you should be like me.’ ‘I want you to change to me, my
ways, my standards.’

You are creating conflict if you are imposing your values on others, denying them, their
needs.
Others are creating conflict if they are imposing their values on you, denying you, your
needs.

We may not recognize that we are denying other people their needs. We are likely to have
a positive intention and are doing what we consider ‗right‘ and best.

Rules, expectations and ‘shoulds’

If I make value judgements – ‗you should‘ ‗you ought‘ ‗you must‘, I am implying that my way
is best for you, that my values are more important than yours. This is both arrogant and
disrespectful … it is not accepting that the other person can legitimately value other things.

‘I expect you to notice my feelings.’

‘I expect you to consult me.’
‘I expect you to listen to me.’

We are inclined to expect others to value what we value. Procedures are important to David
and he expects Michael to value these too. Our expectations follow on our values and
become our ‗rules‘ for life. When my expectations are not met, when my rules are broken,
we are in conflict.

Beware of the ‘should’

If I believe my boss should support me in front of others, I will be in conflict with him if he
criticizes me in front of my work colleagues. The conflict is happening because of a
mismatch between his behaviour and what I expect it should be. Someone who expects the
boss to be straightforward in public, if necessary, has different expectations and will not be
in conflict because of that behaviour.

Reduce conflict by recognizing the positive intention. .

Whose rules are right?

Your rules are right ... they are right for you, they show the way to meeting your needs and
getting what is important to you. But what is important to you won‘t be for others, their rules
are right for them. What will be ‗wrong‘ is to impose your rules on other people and expect
them to live by your rules.
Win-lose is when both people are trying to have their needs met at the expense of the other
person‘s. Win-win is when both people problem solve so all needs are met.

Who knows best?

While each of us is ‗right‘ in expecting and needing different things, it is sometimes
necessary for an experienced person (boss, parent, or teacher) to determine what is in the
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other‘s best interests. This is best when discussion of needs has taken place and an
understanding shown for each other‘s positions.

When Barry was fifteen years old, he wanted to leave school and work as a car mechanic.
His father had a different view, he wanted him to go to university. It took some time for
Barry to see a different perspective but now he is glad that his father persisted. Today he is
the vice-president of a multi-national corporation.

Resolving conflict.
As conflict is caused by a denial of people‘s needs, the successful resolution must involve
the satisfaction of those needs, otherwise the conflict could simmer and re-ignite. If you
want a lasting win, look for the win for the other.

If Michael just ignored David‘s need for procedures and does the work his way, his needs
are met and David‘s are not ... it is win-lose, 10 for Michael and 0 for David. If David pulls
rank and insists that Michael follow his procedures regardless of his need to be creative,
this is lose-win, 0 for Michael and 10 for David.

In both these scenarios the conflict remains unresolved and will continue, albeit under the
surface, until there is some element of win-win.

Conflict resolved in the un-shaded area is likely to keep re-emerging as needs are largely
still unmet. Try to get a compromise with 5/5 and above. While it may not be possible to get
100% satisfaction, aim for at least 50% + satisfaction for both parties.

Celebrate the difference

The view through your window is different, not better, not right, just different. The difference
need not be the battleground, it can be the source for broader perspectives. There is
nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with me, but there may be something
wrong between us. Celebrate rather than fight the difference.

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 UNIT 10
Are You Building a Bridge or a Barrier?

In this chapter:
 the resolution mindset
 the language that fuels conflict
 bridging enables ‗you‘ and ‗I‘ to become ‗we‘
 sharing power does not mean giving up power
 conditions that lead to win-win
 the power of co-operation.

Conflict will escalate or defuse because of your conflict management style. People react to
what you say and do. Whether you defend, attack, retreat, appease, you affect how the
other will respond. It is a dynamic moment and you control the direction and the final
outcome by the processes you use … by how you use your words and energy.

Does this happen?

‘I think the best way would be to...’
‘Yes but...’
‘Yes, but I still think...’
‘What you don’t seem to realize is...’
‘Whatever you say, the best approach would be to...’
‘Why don’t you listen to sense?’
‘You’re the one being difficult.’
‘No I’m not. You’re the one with the problem.’
There is nothing to be gained from attacking the other person and everything to lose.

You and me becoming we

To the extent that you are able to translate me and you into we, you will develop affinity,
rapport and get co-operation. If you don‘t, there is the real likelihood of division, frustration
and the escalation of conflict.

In conflict, people usually feel under threat of losing something which is important to them.
It is this perceived threat that puts them on the defensive and there is little chance of
getting collaboration while it remains. A joint solution is more likely to be achieved if the
threat, real or imaginary, is removed. To achieve this, focus on the other person with the
intent to meet their needs. Attending to what you want, regardless of the other, can create
this threat.

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The resolution mind set
It doesn‘t have to be win-lose. If I win £10, you lose £10. If I have three quarters of the
cake, you will only have a quarter. If one person gets the promotion, the other loses out.
This win-lose mind set forces you into a competitive attitude and language.

This mind set is appropriate in sports but can miss the point where people are concerned.
The win-lose tactic assumes there is not enough for everyone to have what he or she
needs. Lisa wants to be in at one in the morning and Dad wants her home by eleven.
These times exclude each other. As we shall see later in the book, shifting the perspective
from wants to needs, can provide a lot more flexibility in terms of win-win.

A reluctant partner
It takes two to be in conflict and it requires the will of two to resolve the conflict. If you find
that the other party is not interested in resolving the conflict, but wants to hurt or win at any
cost, then a different approach is necessary. You may need to protect yourself from the
conflict, to walk away or to seek a third party intervention.

To get a more co-operative response you may want to look at how you are perceived. Are
you seen as a threat? Are people suspicious of your motives? While this may not be how
you see yourself, it could be how you are perceived.

You are OK but others may not see you as OK.

Try a positive statement. Mention your intention. Ask what is needed from you. Talk about
the advantage for the other person.

‘I would like to find a solution that works for both of us.’

‘How do you suggest we go about this?’

However, some people will have more to gain by keeping the problem alive than by solving
it. Hence they will be reluctant to work with you. The section on dealing with Power Plays in
Chapter 7 will help with this.

Win-lose
When winning becomes more important than understanding, it‘s a you versus me scenario.
Then, instead of listening, people are likely to be preparing a counter-argument or even a
counter-attack!
The win-lose mind set leaks out in the language used. It can become a war of words with
lots of verbal bullets.

‘Any fool knows …’

‘Of all the stupid ideas …’
‘The trouble with you is …’
‘You must be an idiot if you can’t see …’
To get more fire-power, we attack the person ‘No wonder you have been passed over for
promotion four times.’ When we need some heavy weaponry we bringout some old mortar

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bombs ‘... and it was your fault that we lost the PX contract.’ Hostile language eats up large
amounts of time without achieving anything.

People can get locked into hostile language patterns. It is as if they know no other way of
approaching differences. People who use co-operative language are likely to bridge the
differences. Hostile language opens the divide and creates division. Keep the language
environment clean if you want people to act from their heads rather than their stomachs. It
was Benjamin Franklin who said that any fool can criticize, condemn and complain … and
most fools do.

If you shoot from the hip, you could end up with a bullet in your foot.

Conflict must be fuelled

People may get into hostility loops, feeding more ammunition and pain into the loop from
both directions … both are struggling for power and are locked into the win-lose mind set.
The gap widens and each digs himself into a deeper hole.
Hostility loops have to be fed, they are not self-sustaining. It takes two to argue but only
one to stop ... without fuel for the loop, the hostility will splutter and the emotional intensity
weaken.

Bridging.

You can argue till you are ‗blue in the face‘ but you will lose if you make the other person
feel outdone. You can outtalk, outsmart, outwit, out reason but still fail, if the other person
does not feel good at the end. Only if the other person‘s needs are heard and met will it be
a win. You win when he wins.

The person you are in conflict with is likely to be more interested in what he needs and
wants than in what you need or want.

Bridging is about attending to that person, noticing the needs, concerns and feelings,
finding common ground, finding places where you and I can become we, where interests,
needs and concerns can be seen as mutual. The more communication you invite, the more
you are likely to create the win-win environment. This can be done verbally and non-
verbally.

Don’t expect others to collaborate if you go on the attack.

Bridge mind set

 You are OK
 Let‘s work together
 I want us both to win
 I want power with you
 Your needs are important
 Let‘s problem-solve rather than argue
 We have a mutual problem to be solved

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Some bridging words
 Us
 We
 Our
 Can
 Let‘s talk
 Appreciate
 Alternatives
 What do you need?
 What do you think?
 Help me understand
 What would you say to…?

Non-verbals
 Soft gestures
 Open posture
 Make eye contact
 Voice low and slow
 Look and act approachable
 Sit or stand at angle of approximately 90°
 Use open hand gestures – palms slightly upturned
Barrier mind-set
 I am right
 You should change
 You are the problem
 I want power over you
 I want to lay down the law
 I want to prove you wrong
 I am indifferent to your needs
 You are wrong and you should be different
 My needs are more important than yours

Some barrier words

 Me
 You should
 Waste of time
 Your problem is
 That won‘t work
 Out of the question
 That‘s my final word
 This is non-negotiable
 You don‘t understand
 I‘ve heard all this before

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 You wouldn‘t understand

Non-verbals
 Frowning
 Lip-biting
 Raised voice
 Arms crossed
 Hands on hips
 Sharp gestures
 Hands in pockets
 Hands over mouth
 Avoiding eye contact
 Narrowing of the eyes

Be partners, rather than opponents.

Power with, not over

To share power does not mean giving up power. It can be like sharing the light of a candle.
When you light another person‘s candle, your light does not diminish. In fact there is more
light for everyone. The enlightened approach to resolving conflict involves respect. Respect
is about recognizing others as being different and accepting them with their differences. It
happens when I am able to say You’re OK even though you have a different set of values
and principles from me ... if I accept you for who you are rather than who I want you to be
... if I recognize that your needs, although different, are as important as mine.

Win-win is more likely when people

 focus on both sets of needs, concerns and feelings.
 respect each other‘s view.
 see the issue as a mutual problem to be solved.
 are prepared to listen and compromize.
 are not interested in winning at any cost.
 opt for power with rather than power over.

The power of co-operation

People will not want to co-operate with you, if you seem to be against them. Aim to be
open, receptive and willing to collaborate.

Create an atmosphere in which everyone feels that something can be gained, i.e. everyone
is a winner. Maybe you don‘t get what you want until others get what they want.
Fight the problem, not the person. .

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 UNIT 11
Understand and Manage your Feelings
In this chapter:
 anger is a signal that something is not right for you
 understand how you ‗do‘ anger
 learn to control your anger
 managing anger in others
 knowing when to take time out
 listening is the foundation for agreement.

Have you ever been so hurt, angry and resentful that you don‘t care about the other
person, you don‘t even want to resolve the conflict, you just want to get revenge and to
hurt? Even ‗nice‘ people can become abusive and threatening in conflict.

Unresolved feelings have a habit of leaking into the conversation. Even when you
desperately try not to let your emotions show, they can pop like the cork from a champagne
bottle, often with messy results. How can you control these feelings and what can you do to
prevent the anger?

Recognize the anger

Feelings are indicators of what is going on in your life. Anger is a signal that something is
not right for you. It is your body‘s way of letting you know that something is wrong, that your
values have been violated. Feelings are just another part of you, like your arms and legs
and like your arms and legs, they can be controlled.

Venting

While you may have a strong urge to shout, scream, kick, hit or run, acting out of the anger
is likely to be destructive to a collaborative relationship. Beware of what you say in the heat
of anger. The cross words could constitute the best speech you will ever regret!
Playing your personal stereo at high volume will cause hearing loss of the higher
frequencies. Yelling and shouting is also likely to result in hearing loss … the other person
may just ‗close down‘. A soft and gentle tonality is likely to improve hearing. You may wish
to try speaking about your anger rather than speaking from your anger. People who throw
temper tantrums are usually not taken seriously.

Suppressing
Anger that is not dealt with can turn inwards and leak out in resentment, bitterness,
withdrawal and depression. Suppressed negative feelings can damage your health. While it
is easy to suggest you describe and express your anger in a positive way to the relevant
person, experience may have taught you it is expedient to settle for surface peace as the
lesser of two evils.

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Unexpressed conflict is still conflict.

Releasing
Suppressed anger is stored in the body. If it is not released it can build to the point where
you ‗explode‘ or ‗dump‘ on someone. Find a way that is right for you to manage your stress,
otherwise it will act as a toxin to your system and can lead to illness and disease. Talking
with friends, sports, meditation, relaxation can all be ways of releasing the stress.

Some people need space to think before they are ready to discuss a conflict. Some need to
sort it out quickly. Respect each other‘s needs and agree a time to talk. Allowing issues to
accumulate can add fuel to growing anger.

I was angry with my friend

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
William Blake

Manage your anger

Conflict is often high on emotion and low on reasoning. When the anger ‗runs‘ me,
essentially I become more stupid, in the sense that my perspective narrows. I become less
rational. The primitive part of the brain takes over. I can‘t think clearly. I am likely to do and
say things I will regret later.

Anger can severely limit your choices.

When you get angry, adrenaline flows faster, veins are enlarged, your heart beats faster.
The body is equipped for a brawl rather than for problem-solving. Where do these feelings
come from and what can you do about them?

How do you ‘do’ feelings?

Whatever you feel, you have a strategy for it. Feelings are a consequence of something
you do. Your anger will be related to your thinking, your body and your language. Make an
intervention in one or all three areas and you will change the feeling.
Feelings are less to do with the ‗real‘ world and more to do with what you tell yourself about
the ‗real‘ world. It is all to do with that unique, subjective, partial view you have.

It is the middle of the night and you hear the floorboards creaking … you are convinced a
burglar is creeping up the stairs and you feel terrified. Your feelings are unfounded
however, as it was only the stair boards contracting after a warm summer‘s day.

On another occasion, you again hear the stair boards creaking and you tell yourself that it
is only the boards contracting … and you feel calm, even though this time there really is a
prowler on the stairs!

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Watch your thinking
Feelings follow on from your thoughts. Change your thinking if you want to change your
feelings. The thinking behind anger is likely to contain a ‘you should’.
‘You should be more considerate.’
‘You should have known.’
Take the ‘you should’ out of the thinking and how angry can you be?

Being considerate was a choice he had.

Remember, ‘you shoulds’ imply that my way is best for you, that my values, beliefs and
methodologies are better than yours. By taking the ‘you should’ out of your thinking, you
can inoculate yourself from anger. Guilt comes from ‘I should’.

‘I should have helped more.’

Take the ‘I should’ out and how guilty can you feel? And of course, you run the risk of
causing resentment when you tell others what ‘they should’ do. Simple as it seems, by
taking the ‘shoulds’ out of your internal and external conversations, you reduce anger, guilt
and resentment.
You may wish to replace ‗shoulds’ with ‘coulds’. Rather than say ‘I should’ try ‘I could’.
Instead of saying ‘you should’ use ‘you could’ or ‘I need’.

Watch your physiology

Your anger will be reflected in your physiology, your gestures and your voice. It is as if your
body contains the anger. Try to be angry without clenched teeth, a high-pitched voice or
wagging your forefinger, and you could discover that you can‘t get as angry. Note how your
body is when you are angry and reverse this, e.g. if you find yourself

pointing with your right forefinger, next time put your right hand in your pocket and point
with your left hand. Reverse the expression and you diminish the feeling.
Suggestions for next time:
 Lower the volume of your voice.
 Slow the rate of speaking.
 Use circular rather than linear gestures.
 Breathe from the stomach.
 Soften the face muscle.
 Delay before responding.

Anger is fuelled by your thinking, your body and your language.

Watch your language
Your anger is somehow contained not only in your physiology but also in your language.
Rearrange the words for a different experience. Instead of saying ‘I’mpi**ed off’ try ‘I’m
annoyed with you’ or ‘I’m disappointed.’ It is as if the anger is in the words, and if I choose
less expressive language, I will experience less anger.

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Coping with anger in others

What do you do when the other person is shouting and screaming at you? While you may
need to protect yourself from anger that is directed at you, recognize that some people
need to let off steam before they can begin to move forward. Rather than going on instinct
by retaliating or retreating, listen and encourage the venting. In this way you are likely to
defuse the hostility and get to calmness and rationality.

‘Brake time’
If you validate, listen and paraphrase and yet the other person remains accusatory and
abusive, you may wish to separate yourself. It takes two to play. If you don‘t have a partner
you don‘t have a game! Avoid running or storming out of the situation. Excuse yourself: ‘I
recognize you have strong feelings about this and I think it would be best if we talk about
this after we have had a chance to think things through.’

If both of you are yelling, no one is in charge.

When an argument is getting out of hand, you may wish to take a break for half an hour or
so to ‗cool‘ down.

‘I feel this is getting us nowhere … I’m getting too worked up here … would it be a good
idea to take a break and meet again at three o’ clock?’

It takes two to fight, one to stop. The bottling up of anger and walking out of the room in a
‗huffed‘ silence is not brake time. Nor is avoiding the conflict, brake time. By giving
yourselves time, you take the ‗heat‘ out of the situation to confront the issues more
rationally. Brake time is about postponing the talking, not avoiding it. Defuse the anger to
deal with the problem.

What not to do
Avoid giving advice or telling the other person to do anything. Although well intentioned,
words like ‗calm down‘, ‗there‘s no need to be angry‘, or ‗keep your voice down‘ are likely to
cause resentment and anger.
The sub text in these responses is ‗you are wrong to be angry‘. Such an invalidation will
break rapport.

Validate the feeling to keep rapport.

What to do
1 Validate
Acknowledge what the other person is feeling and recognize it as valid for her.

‘I can see you have strong feelings about this.’

‘So you feel … because …’

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People who say sorry don’t always forgive.

2 Ask the magic question ‘what … ?’

By asking the person what they want you are giving them some control and reducing the
feeling of helplessness … you are creating a power with scenario and the need for anger is
dissipating.

‘What do you need from me?’

‘What needs to happen ...?’

3 Check for understanding

Paraphrase to ensure you understand what the person has said. It is difficult to continue to
be angry when someone is genuinely trying to understand you.

‘So what you are saying is …’

‘If I understand you correctly …’

Listening is key

Listen without interrupting, arguing or disagreeing. Accept what they sayas their reality. It is
their perception, it is valid for them while it may not coincide with your perception.

Listen to understand even if there is blame, accusation or demand, even if as you see it,
there are distortions and exaggerations.

Listening leads to understanding, and understanding is the foundation for agreement.

Conflict grows in the absence of understanding.

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 UNIT 12
Develop Your Skills and Increase Your Choices
In this chapter:
 recognize your patterns – fight, flight or flow
 listen to understand the other‘s view
 talk constructively about your view
 problem solve for mutual wins
 non-verbal communication
 how to disagree, agreeably
 the pitfalls of blame, accusation and judgment
 rules for constructive controversy.

It‘s a warm summer‘s afternoon and the fly in your kitchen is getting more agitated as it
tries to get outside. You open the window but the fly doesn‘t recognize the opportunity and
remains ‗trapped‘ in the kitchen. Even when you encourage it with the help of a magazine,
it ignores your support and goes back to the familiar spot on the pane of glass.
At times, we can be like this fly, unaware of the opportunities we have, ignoring support and
wanting to do things the way we always have. Often we continue with the familiar and the
comfortable rather than with what works best.

The fly who ‗attacks‘ the window with even more determination, ends up hurt as well as
unsuccessful. This is often the case with people who become aggressive and demanding. If
we want a different outcome, go for a different approach. Many of us are great at continuing
to do what doesn‘t work, unaware that we have choices.

So what are my choices and indeed what are my current behavior patterns in conflict?

What’s my style?

Whether the tension is about budgets, in-laws, children or sex, people are inclined to
respond with pretty much the same patterns. This is usually some form of collaboration,
giving in or attacking. Your pattern is likely to take you down a familiar path with each
conflict, experiencing the same feelings and getting similar results.

While all styles of dealing with conflict are useful, the best approach depends on the
situation you are in and what you want to achieve. There are three main patterns of
response:
 flight
 fight
 flow
None of these is inherently good or bad, just more or less effective. While flow creates
good working relationships and provides a solution to meet everyone‘s needs, it
presupposes the other person wants to collaborate. If not, you may need to protect yourself
or use another style to ensure needs are catered for.

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Develop flexibility if you want to increase effectiveness.

Just as a golfer plays with a variety of clubs, you may ‗play‘ the course of human
differences better with a variety of approaches. It can be restricting to stay with that club or
style which is familiar and comfortable to use.

Flight
This lose-win style means saying ‗yes‘ to accommodate the other person. It is usually the
pattern for people who value the relationship over the goal. Strategically, this may be an
appropriate way of responding. For example, you might decide the customer is always right
and agree to his request; or you might be with someone who is unreasonable and you
decide to accommodate.

However, the lose-win personality (i.e. when it is a consistent pattern rather than a
conscious choice), is likely to lead to frustration, anger with self and the danger of being
exploited. You can choose flight behaviour without being a flight personality.

Fight
This is the win-lose style. It involves using power, threats, bluffs, intimidation, anything that
will help to win the conflict. This pattern is used by people who value goals over
relationships.

Again this may be appropriate as a choice in some contexts. When someone vulnerable is
being physically or verbally attacked, you may go into fight mode to protect as a first
response. This is fight behavior driven by caring.

When people are not prepared to flow, you may wish to use this approach. For example,
you decide to put pressure on an unreliable person to ensure you are no longer
inconvenienced by his late reports.

However, the fight personality only values winning, it is ‗power over‘, and has little regard
for the person or feelings. This will result in alienation, isolation and resentment. This
person becomes ‗locked‘ into win-lose, as opposed to a person who borrows fight
behaviour to achieve a particular relationship objective.

Flow
This win-win approach focuses on the concerns of everyone and looks together for ways to
reach agreement. This is about standing up for yourself without blaming, accusing,
demanding or being hostile. This approach recognizes that both sets of needs are
important and seeks solutions to satisfy everyone. This leads to win-win, a sense of power
with, and positive, collaborative relationships.

To flow is non-combative. It is not backing down or burying your head in the sand
pretending there isn‘t an issue. It is going with the energy, the way an Aikido master will
flow with the energy of the other rather than fight it. The aim is to divert the attack by
disarming the energy. Aikido looks to align and harmonize. In physical practice, it
resembles a dance as the attacker‘s energy is deflected and rendered harmless.

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The win-win approach creates partners, not opponents. It means searching for ways to
involve and satisfy everyone. The mindset ‗let‘s see how we both can have what is
important to us‘, shows you are not out to fight, it creates that bridge for mutual gain … it is
about respect.

While you may need to borrow fight and flight behaviours when the other person is not
prepared to flow with you, it is the flow mindset that leads to the sense of collaboration and
solutions built from everyone‘s needs.

Key skills for collaboration

Here are three skills which prevent the escalation of the conflict and allow you to steer the
energy along a path that will increase understanding, trust and co-operation.

1 Listen acceptingly – find out what others see through their window on the world.
2 Talk constructively – share what you see through your window on the world.
3 Problem-solve – marry the views for mutual wins.

1. Listen to understand the other person’s view on the world

To view the difference only from my view will be restricting … I will have limited information.
Listening to the other person will provide another view, wider perspectives and more
possibilities.

Understand first, respond second.

As children, we have been taught to be quiet rather than to listen. Listening means you are
open to the other person‘s perspectives, needs and concerns. It is not judgmental, you
accept what the other says as valid and ‗right‘ for them, even if you disagree. It involves
putting aside any preconceived notions you may have about that person.

Listening can be a bit like reading the newspaper. Something catches our eye and we
exclude those bits of the paper that are not of interest. We are also inclined to scan and
delete as we listen. Quite unconsciously we can listen selectively and filter out information.
We don‘t always hear what is said, and we don‘t realize this either.

Checking with the other person that you have heard correctly is a way to build
understanding and giving the other person a deeper sense of being heard. Listen to
understand and accept, rather than to justify, judge, advise or argue. By listening in this
way you are likely to bring out the best in the other person.

Listening is judgment free.

‘Help me to understand …’
‘Tell me about …’

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‘Let me see if I understand …’
‘Have I got that right?’
‘Can you give me an example?’
‘How important is this to you on a scale of 0-10?’

It is crucial that you listen for what is important to that person. After all, that is why the
conflict is happening … because something which is important to that person is being
denied. You may just find that it is impossible to continue to be in conflict when someone is
trying to understand you and meet your needs.

‘Yes buts’ indicate argument rather than listening.

Listen for feelings

Feelings can wander around the conversation looking for some acknowledgement to hook
on, and once hooked, can somehow fly off and disappear in space. Without validation and
air space, feelings can get in the way and block the communication flow.

‘I’m annoyed that you lied to me.’

‘It was only a little white lie.’

This responds to the substance of what is being said, not the feelings. Here is a way to get
the feelings into the conversation.

‘I’m annoyed that you lied to me.’

‘It seems as if you are really upset about this.’

Remember, while you may not agree with the substance of what the other person is saying,
you can still acknowledge the importance of feelings. Often, people don‘t feel listened to
until their feelings have been understood.

When Frank says he will spend Sunday afternoon with Susan who feels neglected, he
thinks he has not only listened to Susan, but has also dealt with the problem. However, the
real issue is her feelings … she needs to have her feelings aired, explored and validated.
Only then will she feel that Frank really understands her.
Not everyone is like Susan. For some, the solution will be the answer. Give the Franks of
this world a ‗fix it‘ approach and understanding to the Susans. Some people will want a
mixture of both. People don‘t always want to be treated in the way you do.

Giving the solution is not always the answer.

Listen to understand.

‘I feel neglected’
‘There’s no reason for you to feel neglected’
‘What you should do is…’

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Whilst these reactions may be understandable, they don‘t deal with the real issue or allow
the person to feel understood and accepted. With understanding, the problem often ‗melts‘
away. Incredible as it may seem, 70% of people‘s conflict problems are solved through
understanding.
Here are some questions which will help understanding.

‘What lets you know you are neglected?’

‘What do you need from me so you wouldn’t feel neglected?’
‘Can you help me to understand what it is like to feel neglected.’

Take turns in having equal ‘air time’.

 Understanding changes the expectations.

 Understanding leads to fewer demands.
 Understanding is the foundation for agreement.

How not to do it
Karen: I have such a headache. (explains situation)
Samu: Do you want a paracetamol? (wants to help)
Karen: I‘ve already taken two. (shares her solution)
Samu: You try to do too much, why don‘t you lie down. (advises with positive intention)
Karen: I don‘t want to lie down, I‘ve too much to do. (rejects the advice – gap widening)
Samu: That‘s daft. Anything you have to do can wait. (justifies advice already given – polarisation
begins)
Karen:Will you stop trying to sort me out. I said I don‘t want to lie down. (reacts to advice – gap
widens further –resentment)
Samu: Your problem is you are stubborn, just like your mother. (accusation – hot button fired –
issue widening)
Karen: And you are a typical male. Just leave me alone and stop telling me what to do.
(stereotyping – feels misunderstood – senseof hopelessness)

Karen does not feel listened to and feels annoyed with Samu for giving her advice. Samu
feels that not only has he listened to Karen (how could he give advice unless he first
listened?) but he has had her best interests at heart. He is feeling confused and hurt as she
has rejected his ‗help‘.
Samu was listening to Karen but not listening to her in a way that would allow her to feel
listened to. It is not enough to listen, people must know you have listened.

Mishearing is the norm

We use words to describe ideas, feelings and needs. But the words are not the
experiences, no more than the photo is the person it represents or the brochure is the
product it describes. Words are the ‗wrapping paper‘ for our experiences. My wrapper might
contain chocolate but you might think it wraps toffee. ‗I need more appreciation‘ might be
heard as ‗you want a pat on the back‘ but what I really need are bigger challenges.

What you hear may not be what was actually said. Language is an imperfect way of
communicating thoughts and feelings.

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For accuracy, check what is inside the wrapper and ask for specifics.
‘What specifically do you mean?’
‘In what way, exactly?’
‘Can you give me an example?’

It’s a pity we speak the same language, because we don’t!

Paraphrasing
Beware of assuming that people hear what you say or that you hear what the other person
says. While you hear the words spoken you may not give the meaning to the words that the
person intended.

George Bernard Shaw said that the problem with communication, is the illusion that it has
taken place. Mishearing would appear to be the norm, and then people argue over what
was never said.

To improve accuracy, let the other person have the floor and every so often sum up in your
own words what you have heard. This not only allows you to hear accurately but shows that
you are making a serious attempt to understand and get the other‘s view on the world.

‘So what you are saying is …’

‘What I am hearing is …’
‘Say more about that to help me understand …’
‘Is there anything else you want to say?’

People who say they haven‘t got time to listen are really saying they don‘t yet value
listening enough to give it the time required. They are also implying they have time for the
consequences of not listening, which are misunderstanding, argument and conflict.

Listening gets you into the other person’s view.

Listening starters
Here are some open questions to get the person talking about the differences. Accompany
these with a gentle tone of voice and open body language, so they are heard as invitations
to speak.

‘What are you angry about?’

‘What do you need from me?’
‘What are your concerns?’
‘What needs to happen so it is right for you?’
‘How do you see it?’
‘Say more about why this is important to you.’

The voice in your head

Often we can be distracted by what‘s going on inside … our internal conversation.
Sometimes this can be so ‗loud‘ and judgmental it is hard to ‗hear‘ the other person.
‘How can he say that?’
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‘Here we go again!’
‘This is all the thanks I get.’
There may be plenty you are thinking and feeling but not saying. Aim for a positive internal
dialogue which enables you to focus totally on the other person.

Listening makes a lot of sense.

Acceptance listening
1 For the moment, put to one side your concerns, feelings and needs.
 Focus on the other person.
 Seek his view on the world.
2 Listen for what is important to the other person.
 Be genuinely interested.
 Encourage her to talk.
 Explore her feelings, needs and concerns.
3 Accept what the person says as true for him.
 Resist argument.
 Suspend judgment.
 Recognize his right to say something even if you disagree with it.
4 Every few sentences, sum up what you have heard.
 ‗So what you are saying is …‘
 ‗What I am hearing is …‘
 ‗Anything else you want to add?‘

5 You are not listening acceptingly, if you

 Justify
 Argue
 Advise
 Judge
 interrupt

Rather than create a one way street, drive on a communication highway, where ideas
and feelings can pass freely in both directions.

2. Talk constructively to share your view on the world

How do you tell the other person that you feel put upon, misunderstood or that you are hurt
and angry? People who are ‗honest‘ in expressing themselves can find it backfires … they
end up rowing and further apart. It is not just a question of being honest, you must be
honest in skillful ways.

To open with ‘I am angry with you because …’, can be provocative, as the underlying
message is ‗you are wrong‘. Such openings may be how you are viewing the situation but
they contain value judgments and imply the other person is at fault.

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‘Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.’ Robert Benchley.

More openness will be created by acknowledging the differences and seeking to

understand the other person‘s perspective.

‘We seem to have different approaches to …’

‘Help me to understand why you want to …’
‘Would it be a good idea to talk about … ?’

People, who talk constructively, express thoughts, feelings and opinions in honest, open
and straightforward ways. Remember, you are sharing your view on the world and on this
person‘s behaviour in particular. This is partial, subjective and filtered. It is your opinion and
the other person will have a different opinion. You may see the person as a villain. He will
see himself as a hero.

When things don‘t go right, we‘re often quick to blame. This is especially true if we have
been storing up resentment and anger. Blame the other person and they are likely to blame
you.

‘You only think of yourself.’

‘It’s all your fault.’

Avoid character assassination.

To avoid making the other person wrong, talk about yourself and how that person‘s
behaviour affects you. Using ‗I‘ language rather than ‗You‘ language can prevent the
situation getting personal.

Avoid
‘You are…’
‘You never …’
‘You should …’
‘You always …’
‘You don’t …’
‘You make me feel …’
‘Why can’t you …’

Say
‘I feel …’
‘I’d prefer …’
‘I’d like …’
‘I need …’
‘My concern is …’
‘I don’t like …’
‘I believe …’
‘As I see it …’
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Talking starters

You risk not being heard if you try getting your message across indirectly, through humour
or sarcasm. Beware of expecting others to read your mind … tell people what is important
to you and what you need. Here are some sentence starters to enable you to be not only
direct but respectful.

‘I am angry that …’
‘I want …
‘I am sad that …’
‘I need …’
‘I am sorry that …’
‘I wish …’
‘I am concerned that …’
‘What is important to me is ….’
‘As I see it, what this is really about …’

Beware ‘Never’ and ‘Always’

Often we speak in exaggerated terms, especially when feelings run strong.

‘You never come home on time ...’

‘You always forget to call ...’

Does he never come home on time? It might feel he never comes home on time but it
probably is an exaggeration. You are likely to be taken more seriously if you make accurate
statements or talk feelings: ‘It feels as if you never come home on time’ ‘It feels as if you
always forget to call.’
Instead of saying, ‘You are never at home’, it will be less provocative if you say, ‘I feel
neglected when we are not at home together.’

Rather than saying, ‘You are always late’ try this: ‘When I am kept waiting, I feel
unimportant.’

Try something like, ‘When I sense I am excluded from the decision-making process’ rather
than ‘You never involve me in decision-making.’ ‗Always‘ and‗ never‘ will always (well
almost always!) shift the focus away from the real issue. You have created a diversion and
probably something else to row about.

Share feelings
Often we confuse being emotional with expressing emotions. You can express emotions
well without being emotional and you can be extremely emotional without expressing much
of anything.
To say ‘I am angry with you because … ’ may provoke a response ‘And I am angry with you
…’ with each person getting angrier.
This is happening because people are feeling blamed. It will be more helpful to keep the
focus on yourself and what you are feeling. ‘I feel angry inside, I’m worried and confused
and I need to feel we are at one on this.’

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Talk to the relevant person, not everyone else.

Talk in positive terms

Ever notice how when you go on a diet and you decide not to eat chips and cream cakes …
what do you become obsessed with? Yes, those chips and cream cakes just won‘t leave
your mind.

The mind doesn‘t seem to be able to handle negatives except as positives e.g. don‘t think
of a pink elephant and what do you get ? How big is your pink elephant!
Beware of saying things which are negative – ‘I don’t want us to fall out over this’ or ‘This is
going to be difficult.’ You may just end up getting what you don‘t want! Keep focused on
what you both want rather than on what you don‘t want. Otherwise it will be like the golfer
who says to himself as he is about to strike the ball, ‘I don’t want to hook the ball.’ The
chances are, he will hook the ball precisely because of what he is telling himself. Talk about
what you want rather than what you don‘t want.

Talk future not past.

Past or future?
It will usually be best to talk about how you want things to be rather than what has led to
the present conflict. While accepting that some people need to come to terms with a
situation by talking about the past, this can also trigger bad feelings and often leads to
arguing, blame and accusation.

Non-verbals
Strange as it may seem, your body is part of the conversation. Research indicates that over
70% of any social interaction is non-verbal. Your body, which is never ‗silent‘,
communicates attitudes and feelings. This ‗commentary‘ is likely to be ‗louder‘ than the
words.

Here are some guidelines to receptive, open body language:

1 Look at the person.
 A stare can threaten.
 Looking down or away can be interpreted as lacking confidence.
2 Speak in a calm, friendly and controlled tone of voice.
 Breathe deeply.
 Avoid mumbling.
3 Match the other person‘s energy and state.
 This will aid rapport.
4 Beware the following:
 arms and legs crossed.
 hands covering mouth.
 body facing away from the other person.

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If you have a win-win mind set and genuinely want to meet the needs of the other, your
non-verbals are likely to automatically communicate openness and receptivity.

Your body is doing a lot of the talking!

Validate

Besides expressing negative feelings, talk about what you appreciate in that person.
Recognize the positive intention and what he is trying to achieve. Validate the viewpoint,
needs and intention. Say ‘I know you are trying to save us money by repairing the washing
machine yourself, however I have been without the machine for a week and I need to have
clean clothes for the family’ rather than ‘This is typical. You can never do anything right. I
knew we should have got a service engineer to do the job.’

Interruptions
When someone interrupts you and won‘t let you finish, you may wish to use some of the
following control techniques.

Closing your eyes, putting your hand up and looking away are some nonverbal ways for
getting control. It is best to combine these with expressions like ‘Please let me finish’ or
‘Hear me out.’
Really, you want the other person not only to hear but to be open to what you are saying. If
you first listen to them in non-judgmental ways, you are more likely to be listened to.

Guidelines
Here are some guidelines to enable you to express your view on the world and keep a
collaborative relationship for win-win.

1 Talk solution rather than problem:

 Speak about how you want things to be rather than dwell onthe past, what
has happened, who said what etc.

2 Avoid any hint of blame, judgment or criticism:

 Beware of words like ‘You should …’
‘You never …’ ‘You make me feel …’
3 Talk about what you observe and see rather than what you think or believe:
 Say ‘When talking to you and I don’t get eye contact I feel you are not
interested’ rather than ‘You are not interested.’

4 Feedback on the behaviours, never the person: Talk about the behaviour being a
problem for you rather than imply the other is a problem person … after all the
behaviour is not a problem for them.
 no personal comments
 no mind reading
 no assumptions
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Solution pointing rather than finger pointing.
5 Use ‗I‘ language:
By talking about your truth rather than implying you have the truth you are less likely
to appear hostile or accusatory.
 ‘The way I see it …’
 ‘My perception is …’
6 Offer your support and collaboration:
 Make it obvious that you want to be part of the solution.
7. Use feedback to inform:
 Beware of using it to advise, blame or demand.
8. Recognize the positive intention:
 Assume the best and give the benefit of the doubt.

3 Problem-solve for mutual wins

Identify needs
If the listening phase does not lead to a resolution, it will be necessary to negotiate and
problem-solve. The listening is likely to identify a variety of unmet needs. List these and
decide on one to work with, as it is unwise to work with several issues at once.

If people don‘t take time to explore needs they may deal with wants or symptoms instead of
with the root cause. This is a form of patching things up and leads to continued frustration
and the re-emergence of the conflict in the future.

Brainstorm solutions
List several ways to meet both sets of needs on this issue. Aim to get 5 – 10 alternatives.
At this stage it is best not to criticize, judge or evaluate the suggestions … so no ‗yes, buts‘.
Encourage wacky or way out ideas, anything to keep the creativity flowing. Evaluation of
these ideas will come in the decision-making phase.

Beware of the quick fix.

Decide a way forward

Look for what you have in common. Talk about what you agree about. Create a ‘yes’ rather
than a ‘yes but.’ Go through the list and mark anything that both of you are open to. This
will narrow the options. Discuss the positives and the negatives of each remaining option.
As you talk you are likely to have more choices than was originally thought.
Use currencies in which you both can trade i.e. a win for both of you. You may, in your
give-and-take approach, offer things which are easy for both of you to give. Aim for minimal
cost and maximum gain. An ‗elegant‘ currency is one which is low cost for one person and
is of high value to the other.

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Agree a plan of action
It is best if this plan is written down and check whether both people understand and agree
to it ... who will do what … how and by when. Being specific can prevent confusion. Set a
review date to see how it is working out.

Agree before you disagree.

More choices

Beware of the tit-for-tat scenario which only leads to stalemate and lose-lose. If you want
people to listen to you, to look for areas of agreement and to meet your needs, first listen to
them, look for agreement and seek to meet their needs. While their behaviour is likely to
follow yours, there are no guarantees when it comes to people. But generally behaviour
breeds behaviour.

How to agree
If you agree with the other person, confirm it by saying what you liked and why you like it,
or you may appear patronising.

How to disagree
If you just counter with a different viewpoint without first validating what the other person
has said, you may lose rapport and create a you versus mesituation. Although some people
like the directness and don‘t have an issue with counter-arguing, you are more likely to
maintain rapport if you:
 validate the idea
 express your reservations
 seek alternatives and problem-solve

Jeff: What I like about your idea is that the report will be shorter (validate)
What concerns me is that the key sales figures will not be emphasized (reservations)
What can we do so the key sales information is there without Making the report longer? (Problem-
solve)

View objections as unfulfilled needs.

Arguing
‗Yes buts‘ often indicate argument mode. Arguing is more likely to polarise than to
persuade … people digging their heels in and defending their own positions. People
become locked into their own view and are less open to persuasion. If you ‗win‘ the
argument, you are likely to have lost the mind and heart and there is no sense of
collaboration or understanding. Arguing is win-lose; problem-solving is win-win.
Arguing is a poor persuasion technique as you will be arguing from your own logic and
value system. People move for what is important to them, not what is important to you.
Make the links to the other person‘s values, if you want to influence and persuade.

Respond rather than react

Here are some examples of responding positively to concerns and objections. These open
questions allow you to reframe the resistance and keep rapport.
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It will never work. What do you dislike about it?
My way is better. What makes that seem the best option?
It’s impossible. What would it take to make it possible?
I can’t. What difference would it make if you could?
You can’t do that. What would happen if we did?
That is not the What would be the best way
best way. for you?
It’s too expensive. Compared to what?

Rules for constructive controversy

Here are some guidelines for keeping the discussion free of blame, accusation and
judgement.
 Be critical of ideas but not the person.
 Listen to understand, not to win.
 Recognize all viewpoints as valid.
 Be open to new perspectives.

It may be useful to put yourself into the shoes of an observer, someone with no stake in the
issue, someone who understands that both sides have valid concerns and can give an
objective perspective on moving forward.
As this person, what would you say to each of the individuals? How would you comment on
their negotiating styles? What would be your suggestions for moving the situation forward?

Not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck. .

Negotiate
1 Listen acceptingly:
 Show you understand.
2 Look for what you can give to the other person:
 Meet real needs.
 Listen to objections and concerns and incorporate these into the agreement.
 Look for ways to help this person save face.
3 Ask for what you need from the other:
 Express your concerns and needs.
 Be prepared to give and take.
 Look for ways that you can save face.
4 Make it a fair deal:
 Ensure there is maximum win for both people.
 Check needs are met.

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 UNIT 13
Four Steps to Resolution

In this chapter:
 the importance of understanding and meeting needs
 attend to the other person first
 explore the need behind the want
 invite the other‘s solution
 build for maximum win-win
 fast track to collaboration
 dealing with power plays
 The steps guarantee you will manage differences without conflict.

It was 8.30 in the evening. The lights in the restaurant were dim and music was playing
softly in the background. We were browsing through the menu, when we noticed a couple
across from us.
They were having coffee after their meal. He had his arms folded tightly, a scowl on his
face and staring angrily at the ground. She had her back to him and was blowing cigarette
smoke aggressively into the air.

Suddenly, she broke the silence. ‗That‘s always been your problem. You click your fingers
and expect people to jump to attention … even the children don‘t like you.‘

Out of embarrassment, I dug my head deeper into my menu as he retorted, ‗You are
getting more and more like your mother. I don‘t know why I ever married you‘.

The menu was a blur as out of the corner of my eye, I saw her throw the remains of her
coffee over him. He grabbed her tightly by the wrist and through clenched teeth said, ‗Don‘t
ever do that again‘.

Goodness knows what I ordered that night! He eventually released his grip and they sat
back to back, in angry silence. Ten minutes later they left.

Imagine if I was daft enough to follow them and ask: ‗How much do you feel understood by
your partner 0-10?‘ The answer is likely to have been ‗0‘. ‗How much do you feel your
partner is willing to meet your needs 0- 10?‘ The answer is likely top be ‗0‘.
It is impossible to escalate conflict when people are trying to understand each other and
meet each other‘s needs.

The steps

While there is more than just one way to resolve any conflict, there are certain processes
that will enable you to manage the differences in open and honest ways without damaging
the relationship. Here are four steps, using the skills from the previous chapter, that allow

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you to make the transformation from you against me to us against the problem. This model
has evolved through work on conflict management in organizations and couple counselling.

Step one: Attend to the other person first.

Step two: Explore the need behind the want for both of you.
Step three: Invite the other‘s solution.
Step four: Build maximum win-win.

Steps one and two show that you are trying to understand the other person.

Steps three and four show that you are willing to meet their needs.

Step one

Attend to the other person

‘Your presentation was too detailed and too long.’
‘Yes, but the board needs all the data if it is to make an informed decision.’

Beware the ‘yes but ...’

When we are criticized or given feedback, the majority of us are likely to justify and explain
our actions. After all, we are intelligent people, we have thought out the situation and we do
things for reasons.

Leroy: You don‘t listen to me!

Tanya: But I do.
Leroy: No you don‘t, you just keep on working. You don‘t even look at me.
Tanya: Yes, but I can listen to you and work at the same time.

While Tanya felt she was listening to Leroy, that was not his experience. Tanya was not
listening to him in a way that allowed him to feel listened to.

Justify if you want to start an argument, validate if you want to keep rapport.

Defending yourself only makes things worse. If, as a first step, you ...
 justify
 retaliate
 explain your situation
 talk about what you want
… you are likely to widen the gap and create a barrier. Of course your situation is
important. Talk about your situation only after you attend to the other person‘s viewpoint
and feelings. In this way you improve understanding and create a sense of collaboration.

What to do
The first step in resolving conflict is to attend to the other person and validate the opinion,
feeling or intention. To validate does not mean to agree. It is the acknowledgement that the
person‘s thoughts or feelings are OK ... it is her reality. For example:
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‘How would you want the presentation to be?’
‘What lets you know I don’t listen?’

Most of us get locked into our own situation; focus on what we want and need, and are less
inclined to consider the other person‘s needs.

When we have an unmet need, there is pain. The greater the pain, the more we focus on
ourselves and our needs. If you lie awake all night with pain from toothache, you know how
difficult it is to be altruistic and think of others when you hurt so much. In conflict, there are
unmet needs, there is pain … expect people to focus on themselves. Reverse this if you
want to create a collaborative relationship.

Some attending questions

By attending to the other person as a first step, you are likely to minimize resistance, create
a feeling of being listened to and begin to build that all important bridge.

‘What needs to happen so it is right for you?’

‘What do you need from me?’
‘What can we do about it?’
‘What would you like to see happen?’

The answer to these questions will tell you what the other person wants, i.e. the solution to
his unmet need. If you can meet this solution there will be no need to negotiate or go
further on these steps.

Leroy: You don‘t listen to me.

Tanya: What would let you know I listened to you?
Leroy: Look at me instead of continuing to work on your
keyboard.

If Tanya can give Leroy her full attention, then there is a solution which is acceptable to
both of them. There is no need to go beyond this step.

Step two.

Explore the need behind the want

Mike wants to have up-to-date information for the monthly sales meeting. Lisa regularly
fails to meet the deadline, complaining that she wants more time to collect data and write a
comprehensive report. They both want different things and the wants exclude each other.
Neither of the stated solutions work for the other person.

If Lisa and Mike stay at the level of wants, they will argue, counter-argue and get more
frustrated with no progress being made. It will be a you against me scenario.

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The want or position taken is seen as a specific solution to a need or interest. Asking a why
question will flush out the need that is driving the want.

Lisa needs to do the job perfectly, Mike needs information so next month‘s sales targets
can be agreed. Perfection and deciding sales targets may not exclude each other.
At the level of needs both people can problem-solve, negotiate and make real progress.
Wants are solutions to needs.
Wants often exclude each other.
Wants are driven by needs.
Needs can be met in ways other than the expressed want.

Questions to reveal the need

By exploring the need behind the want, not only will you keep the focus on the other
person, you will intensify the feeling of being listened to and deepen understanding.

‘Why is that important to you?’

‘Why does that matter?’
‘Why do you want that?’

Step three.
Invite the other’s solution
The danger with giving our own solution is that it is designed from our criteria and view of
the world and may not match the needs of others. It can be like giving someone your
glasses, which have been prescribed for near-sight to someone who suffers from far-sight.

Be solution focused
Use the what question to move from the problem to solution. There is the danger if too
much time is spent on the problem, negative feelings will be triggered and a sense of
hopelessness created.
Problem-solve on both sets of needs e.g. Mike might ask Lisa, ‘What needs to happen so
you can maintain your standards and the team agree sales figures?’

Some problem-solving questions

How would you see us solving that?
What do you suggest?
What would be your solution?
‘What can we do so you get … (your need) and I get … (my need)?’

Inviting the other‘s solution leads to a sense of power with and collaboration. Because the
person is involved in designing the solution, you are more likely to get commitment to this
rather than compliance.
Step four.
Build for maximum win-win
In the same way as you wouldn‘t knock a wall down in your house without checking why it
was built, you may not want to knock an idea without first understanding why it was
suggested.

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The solution offered may not be as bad an idea as first appears. Madame Curie had a ‗bad‘
idea that turned out to be radium. Richard Drew had a ‗bad‘ idea that turned out to be
Scotch tape. It will be useful to recognize the validity of what is offered and then express
your concerns. By building on what is offered you can reach an acceptable agreement.

Lisa may suggest that Mike delegates some of her work, freeing up time. If this solution
does not meet Mike‘s needs, he may help Lisa to think through the consequences of this
suggestions and negotiate further. The conflict is not resolved until there is an acceptable
win for both people.

‘What I like about your suggestion is...’

‘My concerns are...’
‘What do you suggest we do?’

You against me
Peter: Hello James, what can I do for you?
James: I feel I deserve an increase in my salary to reflect my commitment and the hours I‘ve
worked in recent months.(want)
Peter: We have had a difficult year, sales are down and targets have not been met. Regrettable as
it is, I must say no. (own situation)
James: Yes but I need more money ... I can‘t make ends meet.
(reiteration of position – feels unheard)
Peter: You don‘t seem to realize – my hands are tied. (frustration – feels unheard – gets locked into
own position)

James: And you don‘t seem to realize what it‘s like to scratch a living from the pittance this place
pays. (anger – polarisation of positions)
Peter: You are just being unreasonable now. (accusation)
James: And you ... (slams door) ... Oh, what‘s the point? (gap growing)
This escalates for the following reasons:
 Peter‘s opening response was to explain his situation rather than attend to
James and his needs.
 The interaction stays at the level of wants ... needs were not explored (I want
more money – more money is not available –how many times do I have to tell you).
 It is you against me. It is ‘I want’ versus ‘you can’t have.’

The outcome is that neither feels listened to or understood. They are angry and frustrated
and the relationship has deteriorated. The issue will smoulder and is likely to resurface
some time in the future. A barrier rather than a bridge has been created.

Work on the relationship as well as the problem.

Us against the problem

Peter: Hello James, what can I do for you?
James: I feel I deserve an increase in my salary to reflect my commitment and the hours I‘ve
worked in recent months.(want)
Peter: If I were to increase your salary, what would that do for you? (attend – explore needs)
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James: I would feel my contribution was recognized and I‘d feel more valued. (feels listened to)
Peter: So a salary increase would enable you to feel more appreciated. (feels understood)
James: Yes.
Peter: We‘ve had a difficult year, sales are down and targets have not been met. (my situation)What
can we do so you‘d feel more appreciated considering we don‘t have the money to support a salary
increase. (validation – invite solution)
James: I suppose if I was given more responsibility I‘d feel more appreciated but I‘d still like my
salary to be reviewed at the earliest opportunity. (solution)
Peter: If we agree to talk salary in three months time, would that work for you? (check for
agreement)
James: Yes.
Peter: What sort of responsibility did you have in mind? (focus on other)
James: I‘d like to head up the next project. (want)
Peter: You certainly have a lot of relevant experience... I would need... What do you suggest... ?
(build)

This works because Peter

 attends to James as a first step.
 flushes out needs.
 invites James to give the solution.
 builds.
The result of this approach is that James feels listened to and understood, he senses a
willingness by management to meet his real needs. He is being taken seriously and his
needs are partially met. Although the circumstances are identical in both scenarios –
James wants a salary increase and money is not available to support this – a bridge has
been built and the relationship strengthened.

You will create conflict if you do not consider the needs of the other person.

Fast track to collaboration

Sheila: Your department never produces its reports on time. (want)
Sean:It isn‘t a perfect world. We have problems here I can‘t always control. (justification)
Sheila: Yes but what you don‘t realize is ... (argument)
Sean: And what you don‘t seem to understand is ... (polarisation)

Of course there are reasons why the reports were not ready. To merely explain why they
are not ready is likely to damage the relationship and create you versus me. If you wish to
create the collaborative us against the problem, include some form of validation and
problem-solving. The following example demonstrates how using the third step alone can
achieve this.

Sheila: Your department never produces its reports on time. (want)

Sean: I appreciate deadlines are important, (validation) however it isn‘t a perfect world. We have
problems here I can‘t always control.(my situation)
What can we do to ensure that the inconvenience to you is kept to a minimum considering
the fluidity of my situation?(problem-solve)

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Old habits
Sometimes you will use these steps while the other person continues in old habits of blame
and attack. It can seem as if you are getting nowhere. Even so, it is possible to have a
productive discussion:
Naomi: I‘ve been thinking about what happened and I am concerned how it might affect our
relationship. I‘d like to understand what was going on for you and share my view on things. (invite)
Mark: The problem was your attitude, you blindly rush into things. (attack)
Naomi: You feel my attitude was unhelpful. (acknowledge)
Can you say more about this? (focus on other)
Mark: The truth is you shouldn‘t have said what you did. You make me really angry when you don‘t
think things through.
(accuse and blame)
Naomi: Sounds like I really got it wrong for you. (validate)
What would you have needed from me? (invite solution)
Mark: Well, for a start, I‘d like you to …
Naomi: Why is this important to you?

STEP 2
Mark: … (answer)

Naomi: My situation is … what can we do so you get … and I get ….

STEP 3
As you will probably require the patience of a saint to maintain this process, it may be as
well to balance the amount of patience needed against the value of the relationship to you.
Power plays
What can you do with the stubborn person who is dismissive of your needs and is not
prepared to compromise ? You can be passive, you can fight, or you may wish to confront
this person with their behaviour and invite discussion of it.

Here is a way of being assertive while keeping a sense of collaboration. It enables you to
begin a conversation without any hint of blame, accusation or demand. It is in three parts:
1 The behaviour– a non-emotive description of the current behaviour
2 Your response – how you feel or think about the behaviour
3 The preferred behaviour– what you would need instead

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day!

‘When I sense my needs are being dismissed
I feel angry And I would like us to work in more collaborative ways.’
If the other person continues to dismiss your needs e.g. ‗You are overreacting‘, you can
loop again on your assertive request.
‘I appreciate you feel I am over-reacting
However, I feel dismissed
And I would like us to work in a more collaborative way.’
This three-part formula is a conversation opener. The discussion is only beginning and it is
off to a good start. You still need to explore each other‘s views and problem-solve for
mutual wins.

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Real life
While it makes sense to follow the steps sequentially, a real life conversation is interactive,
with people moving up and down and off the steps. The steps are designed so that
whatever step you are on, you have access to all the other steps. A productive
conversation may require you to go from step one to step three, back to two and so on.
Staying on the steps and climbing back on will always be an option!

Ending a relationship can be an assertive option.

Language of the steps
View the language given with each step as a suggestion. It may be useful to develop your
own style and words while retaining the process.
Let the needs of the other person determine how long you spend on each step. People who
come to terms with their problems by talking through their feelings and needing to feel
understood, will appreciate delaying on the first two steps. Those who require solutions
rather than understanding, will want to move quickly onto the problem-solving stages.
Use the ideas and examples from the previous chapters to help you with this. Paraphrasing
can be used with any of the steps to ensure accuracy.

Different styles for different personalities.

Guarantee
The tennis coach does not guarantee you will win your matches after you have had a series
of tennis lessons. The coach provides you with more choices and flexibility in your game,
increasing the possibility of winning.

Similarly, these steps do not guarantee a result … sometimes not only do the wants
exclude each other but the needs also. You need space in a relationship, I need intimacy
… compromise may be the only way forward. These steps increase your choices and
hence your effectiveness in managing differences.
However, the tennis coach can make some guarantees. Hit the ball with a good top spin
two feet above the net and the ball will never go over the end line. The guarantee with
these steps is that you will manage your differences in open and honest ways without
argument or conflict. If you slip into argument or conflict, you have slipped off the steps!

Review questions
After you have used the steps you may wish to use one or more of these questions to
achieve an even greater win-win.
‘How important is the issue to you 0-10?’
‘How much do you feel I understand you 0-10?’
What do I need to do, so that you would feel I understand you even more?’ (If there is a low
score.)
‘How much do you sense a willingness from me to meet your needs 0-10?’
‘What do I need to do, so you would feel I was more willing to meet your needs?’ (If there is
a low score.)
‘How good a solution is that for you 0-10?’
‘How could it be an even better solution?’ (If there is a low score.)

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 UNIT 14
Preventing Conflict
In this chapter:
 preventing conflict
 the pitfalls of making assumptions and mind reading
 deal with the small cracks before they erupt
 see life through the eyes of the other
 take responsibility for your needs.

Rather than wait for the crisis moment before you attend to your relationship, review it
when everything is going well. After all, you get your car serviced even though it is running
fine. You do this to prevent a breakdown. It‘s better to visit the dentist for a check up before
you get toothache. Grow the relationship when the sun is shining! Take time out for the
following:

 Review the relationship.

 Agree what is going well and what isn‘t.
 Discuss what matters most.

People usually do the best they can with the resources they have. NLP presupposition.

Make quality time

Making quality time for regular discussions can be the best way to clear up
misunderstandings. With today‘s hectic lifestyle it is probably best to set aside some time,
which is convenient for both of you, and keep to it. Use the skills to check with each other,
giving both of you talking and listening time.

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Difficult people

A lot of conflict arises simply because of the assumptions we make about others and the
interpretations we put on the things said. Such conflicts could be defused by a few minutes
of skilful and honest discussion.

Remember, if you find people difficult, they are likely to find you difficult too. You may want
to explore and understand their intention before condemning their actions. Forgiveness is a
decision and you may wish to ponder on the question ‗Who gains most if you forgive ?‘

Talk sooner rather than later

Avoid storing up resentment. As soon as you sense discomfort in the relationship, share
your concern, even if the cause remains uncertain.

Pete is becoming increasingly uncommunicative. He comes home from work and wants to
be left alone in front of the TV to unwind. Kate feels excluded. The longer she leaves off
talking to him, the more the resentment is likely to grow.

I see you as wrong. You see me as wrong. We are both right. That‘s not logical but it is
psychological.

Leave it for days or even weeks and Kate will have plenty to say to Pete. ‘You never talk to
me any more. You take me for granted. All you ever do is work, watch TV and go out with
your mates. You are turning out to be just like your father …’ and it is not likely to stop
there!

Had she explained how she felt in the early stages, she wouldn‘t have been nearly so angry
or as willing to blame him. ‘Pete, I’m feeling distant from you and I am concerned.’
People who are good at prevention, see trouble coming and do something about it early.
You can stop trouble brewing by recognising the early warning signs and dealing with the
minor incidents rather than wait till the full-blown crisis erupts.

Stay current
Avoid broadening the issue by bringing up the past ‘You were just like that last Christmas
…’ or mind-reading into the future ‘You’ll never change …’ Stay with the present and what
you can change now. The past is the playing field of win-lose … the present is the field of
understanding and collaboration. The here and now can be changed. Beware of wasting
time fighting over what can never be changed.

Think solutions

Offer a plan for improving things rather than merely complaining or venting your anger.
Instead of smouldering because your partner comes home at different times each night and
expects supper ready, voice your frustration. Explain that a call just before he leaves the
office would solve this problem from your perspective and ask if this would work for him.

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Change shoes

Imagine yourself in the other person‘s shoes. How would it feel to be the other person at
this moment relating to you, hearing what you are saying and seeing what you are doing?
Swap roles in the argument. Try this in real life and invite your partner to do the same. You
might get a laugh by viewing yourself from the other side … as well as improved
understanding.

You are responsible for what you think.

Avoid the pitfalls

Beware of personalising the problem. If you want help with the washing up, it is unlikely that
‘You never help with the washing up’ will make him spring into action. This is a quick way to
start an ‘I do my share.’ ‘No you don’t.’ ‘Yes I do’ argument.

When you put other person in the ‗wrong‘, the argument can go round in circles and even
spirals.
Avoid quick jibes, ‘If you call that being together at breakfast, I’d rather you slept in!’ as she
slams the kitchen door. Such parting shots can leave alingering poisonous fallout. Avoid
ending a session on a sour note.

If only
Wanting the other person to change is a common ‗if only‘ that most of us have said at some
time in our lives.
‘If only he’d think first.’ ‘If only she’d stop sulking.’ ‘If only … if only.’
This attitude may put you in a passive, victim-like role. You are waiting for the other person
to change, to make things all right for you. By sitting around in this passive way you could
be waiting a long time for things to improve and you could also be putting your life on hold.
The pro active approach is likely to give you more choices and gain respect from the other
person.

You are responsible for what you say.

Playing to the crowd

Open arenas encourage playing to the crowd, taking sides and scoring points. Audiences
have their place at sporting events … in win-lose situations. They don‘t belong in the arena
of understanding. This is best achieved in private.
Name-calling
Insults and name-calling can be baits, drawing you away from win-win. To call someone a
nagging bitch or a self-centred egotist is an attack likely to lead to retaliation rather than
collaboration.
The impasse
Listen to each other. Show you understand each other. Recognize your needs are not
always compatible. Agree to disagree and move on. A good relationship requires mutual
understanding and acceptance, not necessarily agreement.

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Beware the victim mode
People who whine and nag are less likely to have their real needs met than those who
express them openly. Other people cannot read your mind, even though they might try. If
you want something badly you may have to come out and ask for it. You may need to
replace ‘Love is not having to ask’ with ‘If I need to feel loved I need to tell you how.’

You are responsible for what you do.

Language suggestions
Unhelpful Replace with
You should ...I need ...
You are ... My perception is ...
Yes but ... The problem I have with that is ...
Who is to blame ? What can we do ... ?

Silence is not always golden.

Your relationships today may be where your thoughts and actions of the last few years
have brought you. Your future relationships are being shaped by your thoughts and
behaviours of today. What you choose to do today affects what you will have tomorrow.
Today and now are the places to start. Good luck!

UNIT15

CONFLICT RESOLUTION- BIBLICAL

Just for outline purposes, if you‗re tracing along the structure of the Book of Acts, we‗re in
the fourth major section of Acts, beginning with ―The Birth of the Church,‖ Acts 1–5. Then
chapter 6:1 through about 9:29, ―Persecution Leads to Expansion.‖ Then Acts 9:30
through chapter 12, ―The Acts of Peter, and the Beginnings of Gentile Christianity.‖ Rather
structured and sort of bookish. Nothing particularly thrilling in these titles, but if you‗re
reading along in a book of the Bible it helps to at least keep some kind of flow and direction
going. Then Acts 13 through 15 is the fourth section, ―The First Missionary Journey and the
Jerusalem Conference.‖ Tonight we‗re in the second part of that fourth section—―The
Jerusalem Conference, ―a real conflict in the church. That causes us to look at the theme
of the biblical answer to the resolution of conflict. How early Christians went about dealing
with their conflict.

The Early Church prayed in regard to their leadership when they faced a very severe
conflict that we find in Acts 15. In fact, I would ague that the conflict we‗re dealing with in
Acts 15 was far more severe in its impact upon the Early Church than the conflict the
contemporary church is dealing with right now. For one thing, the conflict certainly involved
the spiritual well-being of far more people in the church. This conflict basically involves one
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person and how the church is going to go about its discipline. But in the Jerusalem church
conference, they‗re dealing with an issue that was essential to the membership of a vast
body of the church. That conference, if it had a different result, could have
disenfranchised—in effect—all of those who had come to faith in Christ who were not
culturally Jewish. It was a monumental conference. Although its effects are not as fresh to
us because they‗re two thousand years old, nevertheless, the issues at the time were
exceedingly real and the impact of that conference is still being lived out in us today. That‗s
why most of us Gentiles consider ourselves as part of the family of God and heirs to the
Old Testament covenant that was made to Abraham and part of the community of greater
Israel through faith. It was a result of the resolution that came out of this important council.

Sometimes we look in an idealized way at the Early Church and we‗re guilty of saying
things like, ―I wish I could go back and be part of the Early Church.‖ I too have that
nostalgic frame. I would like to go back to those days. However, in going back to them, we
must remember that the Early Church was very, very similar to the contemporary church.
That it did not consist of any perfect people, and that, in fact, from church to church, the
quality of spiritual life greatly varied. From the character of an Ephesian church, which
appeared to be grounded deeply in the Word and very stable, to ongoing to the charismatic
mania character of the Corinthian church, which appeared to be chasing the latest fad and
personality. Wide degrees of differences. Even within the most mature church, the oldest
church, the founding church—the church in Jerusalem—there could be from time to time
grave problems. This is the second grave problem that the Jerusalem church faced. The
first one being, in Acts 6, a dispute on how to care for the social needs of Hellenistic or
Greek-speaking widows. The church came to absolute stymie until it was able to deal with
that conflict. Once it dealt successfully with the conflict, then we read that the church went
on and multiplied. Here again, the church is at a point where it must deal with its problems.
That‗s a lot like personal life, isn‗t it? If we let problems go on indefinitely without resolving
them, then we get stuck and we cannot grow past that problem because we‗re continually
rehearsing and rehashing the problem that we‗re in. Sooner or later, if there‗s to be growth,
if it‗s in a church or in us as an individual or within a family relationship, there must be at
some point a resolution to that problem. And if there is not, then either the church or the
individual or the family is going to become unwound and undone and cease to be effective.
Because if you do not deal with the problem, you cannot stay still forever. But if you deal
with it successfully, then you can go on and get beyond it.

That‗s one of the reasons why, as I approach this meeting, I‗m very encouraged, because I
believe we‗re coming to grips with a very significant problem. I believe that there will be a
successful resolution for the body of Christ, and that, ultimately, out of it will come a greater
growth for the family of God. Conflicts must be resolved. We can‗t ignore them. We can‗t
sweep them under the rug. We can‗t pretend like they don‗t exist. I think we do ourselves
an injustice in the church of Jesus Christ if we try to pretend that the church is a place
where people never get into quarrels with one another, never have disagreements with one
another, and are always smiling and happy. That is not the case. There are always
underlying reasons for conflicts. I want to look, for just a moment, at the underlying reasons
and the immediate reason for the particular conflict before us in Acts 15. Things don‗t just
suddenly happen. If, for example, you have a flash point of anger, generally behind that

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flash point there are things that build up, that trigger the flash. So in Acts 15, there is a
triggering event which brings about the discussion of conflict. There are many years of
accumulation of matters that not have been dealt with underlying the issue. In fact, by the
time we open the Scripture to Acts 15, we are in the year 49 A.D. The church is almost
three decades old. If you look at what has happened in that period of time, you will see that,
in the last fifteen years of those thirty years, there has been a dynamic missionary
expansion of the church. The first fifteen years of the church, the growth was within the
Jewish cultural sector. It was in Jerusalem and Judea. It was among people who were in
close social ethic and language proximity to one another. Once we pass that early stage,
however, we got into bringing the gospel to the Gentiles, first to Cornelius, then to Antioch.
And now we have the first missionary journey, which has resulted in the establishment of
churches in far-flung places. The Jerusalem church has watched all this happen. Yet many
within the Jerusalem church have not changed their perspectives of what God is doing
among the Gentiles. In fact, we see almost a hesitance in the Jerusalem church to reach
out and fulfill the Great Commission. The Lord had said to it, ―Go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature‖ (Mark 16:15).

In Acts 1:8, He had said to them, ―Go to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and the uttermost
part of the world.‖ We found that the church in Jerusalem actually did not do that of their
own freewill and volition. The way the gospel began to get to the uttermost parts of the
world was as a result of the persecution that occurred from Stephen‗s preaching, and the
reason why Stephen was persecuted was because he spoke against the Law and this
place, that is the temple. He was not persecuted simply for preaching the Resurrection. The
apostles had preached the resurrection and they were not executed. But Stephen had read
the implications of the Christian faith to his enculturated Jewish audience and said ―If Christ
has risen from the dead, why then are we still keeping the Law of Moses with religious
devotion? It is not the basis anymore for salvation. And why are we participating in temple
ordinances, animal sacrifices and priestly observances when Christ has set us free from
the yoke that all of that has brought? Those were only a prototype to lead us to
Christ.‖(Acts 7). Stephen was beginning, like the Book of Hebrews, to read out the
implications of the Christian faith. There were many within the Jerusalem church that did
not see that. In fact, we begin to see two groups of people that should immediately raise
our antenna. Priests come in, in Acts 6:7. And in Acts 15:5, we find that Pharisees come
into the church. When you‗ve got a priestly group that is still participating in temple worship,
and you‗ve got the Pharisees, with all the legalism that is involved in Pharisaism, you are
going to potentially have them carry into their Christian life some of their pre-Christian
ideas. This, of course, is always a struggle in the church. When I have led a new members
class, one of the things we always deal with is people coming from various traditions or
non-Christian backgrounds; we all bring with us our preset ideas and we‗re trying to form
community and sometimes it‗s not easy because we carry so many different perspectives
with us.

When you get a highly legalistic emphasis like the Pharisees had, you‗ve got that jammed
into the church and, of course, they‗re going to be backing a party that looks somewhat
doubtful about all these non-Jewish people, these Gentiles, coming into the church. So the
net result of all this is that the Jerusalem church never had a missionary conference, never

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once in its history had it had a missionary conference. And it never sent anyone out to do
missionary work. The only involvement the Jerusalem church had in missions was when
they heard that something was going on somewhere else, started by somebody else, and
then said, ―We ought to send somebody to look it over.‖ But never within its own life did it
originate a movement that said, ―God‗s heart beats for the whole world and we need to be
involved. Get out your faith promises. Get your people involved in volunteering for
missions. Let‗s carry this good news everywhere.‖They had not done that. By the way,
that‗s not to say that the Jerusalem church wasn‗t a great church. It‗s just to say that, in that
area, they had a severe weakness and limitation and that long underlying problem with the
Jerusalem church is building up this issue now which we face in Acts 15. Sooner or later,
we‗re going to have to deal with that kind of thing, the long-range spirit of the place.

I want to note, as a kind of counterbalance, the Jerusalem church had some good things
going for it. They were filled with the Holy Spirit. They had the greatest leaders any church
could ever have. How would you like to be a part of a church that had twelve pastors like
Peter, James, John, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas and the others? A great
collection of pastors and leaders. They had supernatural signs and wonders aplenty.
Phenomenal events occurring, such as the shadow landing on people and their being
healed. They had tremendous love for one another, so much so that they sold everything
they had and lived in common. They were tested in trial. They had been through the fire of
persecution and they had stood the test. They were a praying church. We find occasions,
again and again, in those early chapters of Acts reflecting how much the Jerusalem church
prayed. Yet with all those things, they still had a deficiency. That ought not to surprise us.
As you look around, any church that you‗re going to be a part of, you‗re going to choose to
be a part of, because you identify with that church‗s strengths more than you criticize its
weaknesses. But you‗re also going to find that any church is going to have some weakness
or need or some area which you feel, ―If we could only get this area up.‖ That‗s biblical.
You are not going to find the perfect church on earth. So the choice is which one you can
most identify with. Can you, then, be a contributing part of correcting any perceived
deficiency (biblical deficiency, for example)? I want to say ―biblical deficiency‖ because
some deficiencies aren‗t really spiritual deficiencies. They‗re just matters of opinion.

But here in the Jerusalem church there was a clear deficiency. The church had not
explicitly and voluntarily sought to fulfill the Great Commission. That‗s the underlying
problem. That leads to the immediate problem, which is in 15:1, ―Some men came down
from Judea to Antioch and were teaching the brothers: ‗Unless you are circumcised,
according to the custom taught by Moses, you cannot be saved.‗ This brought Paul and
Barnabas into sharp dispute and debate with them [No small argument here. Notice: ―sharp
dispute and debate‖. So Paul and Barnabas were appointed, along with some other
believers, to go up to Jerusalem to see the apostles and elders about this question. The
church sent them on their way, and as they traveled through Phoenicia and Samaria, they
told how the Gentiles had been converted. This news made all the brothers very glad.
When they came to Jerusalem, they were welcomed by the church and the apostles and
elders, to whom they reported everything God had done through them. So Paul and
Barnabas were appointed along with other believers to go up to Jerusalem to see the
apostles and elders about this question. The church sent them on their away and as they

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traveled through Phoenicia and Samaria they told how the Gentiles had been converted.
This news made all the brothers very glad. When they came to Jerusalem they were
welcomed by the church and the apostles and elders and they reported everything that God
had done through them‖ (Acts 15:1–4, NIV). The immediate cause is that some of the
people in Judea, who later in the Scriptures are called Judaizers, leave their safe base in
Judea. They had not themselves been missionaries. There is a distinction between those
who carry the gospel to an area where the gospel has not been there and establish a
church, and those traveling ministers who come later who never build the work but who
now come to somehow inform the saints of a doctrine

We see that all over the world today. It‗s a tragedy when it happens.

Here are the Judaizers. They have had no hand in planting the church in Antioch, no hand
in the missionary journeys. But they now take it upon themselves to more fully inform and
Christianize these people who are already Christians, to lead them into a deeper life. Which
in their vernacular was ―be circumcised.‖ That was the mark of Jewishness, after all. It
was in the male‗s sexuality that God had cut His covenant. The very idea in the Bible of a
covenant means ―to cut.‖ And that making of a covenant with Abraham had been
expressed through the physical act of circumcision. They are saying that, in order to be part
of the community of faith, one must have something physical to distinguish them, and that
is the mark in their sexual organ—circumcision. What is the condition of becoming a
believer? Is it some religious act? Is it some liturgical act? Is it some mandate of the law?
The issue is joined here. This greatly disturbs the believers at Antioch. There are those
who, in today‗s church world, say that what we really have in the New Testament is an
expression of the sovereignty of the local church. However, what we see in Acts is the local
churches linked up with one another. Thus, when there was a problem in one church, it
affected the whole. So the one church at Antioch sends delegates to the Jerusalem church
to discuss this matter and to deliberate on a policy that will not simply be effective at
Antioch, but also at Jerusalem, and be effective everywhere the churches are planted. It‗s
not simply, in the Early Church, a matter of this local church here electing its own leaders
and doing its own thing, and this little church over here electing its own leaders and doing
its thing, and this big church having its elders and doing its thing. The churches have no
interconnection with one another. That‗s not what‗s presented to us in Acts. The churches
had interconnection with one another.

We‗ve looked at the underlying issues and every problem does have underlying issues.
What are the long-range issues, the underlying issues, the broad issues? Then what‗s the
triggering event that flushes all these things out into the open and makes you deal with the
problem? Generally, we deal with problems when we become so uncomfortable we‗d rather
deal with a problem than run from it. I am the last person in the world to deal with a
problem. If I can stay away, I will try to wait it out as long as I possibly can. Some are not
like that. You‗re quick on the trigger and ready to draw blood right away on an issue. But I
don‗t want to deal with it. Maybe I can wait it out. But finally, when our pain, our angst,
becomes so great that we‗d rather deal with the problem than continue to live with the pain,
then we start getting resolution of what we‗re dealing with. How is a church problem
solved? I would suggest that there are some things that are vital ingredients here.

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I. The problem, if it‘s going to be solved, must be clearly defined. What is the problem?
The problem is defined as an issue in verse 5, ―Then some of the believers who belonged
to the party of the Pharisees stood up and said, ‗The Gentiles must be circumcised and
required to obey the law of Moses‗‖ (NIV). Not ―or‖—―both.‖ The males are to be
circumcised and all are to keep the law of Moses, which means, keep the law of Moses in
all of its binding effects upon diet, custom, time and habit. It‗s to become fully, culturally
Jewish. Unless one does that, unless one becomes Jewish, he cannot become Christian.
So there is kind of a threshold issue here. An issue before the issue of being saved—you
can‗t be saved unless you become a Jew first. Become a Jew and then be saved. At least
by stating the issue clearly, everyone knows what‗s involved. This is why rumors are such
an insufficient way of dealing with problems. Rumor never gets at what the real issue is.
Rumor simply chases things around in a very vague sense. Or talking around issues rather
than dealing with them directly. But this doesn‗t really ultimately solve the problem unless
it‗s a very minor problem that can be solved by politeness. What is the issue? Here it‗s
dealt with.

II. II. The second thing that occurs after the issue is defined is that there is a full and
open discussion. The text says ―apostles and elders.‖ This, by the way, was an issue that
did not involve all the membership of the church. It‗s obvious that the church of Jerusalem
was so big it could not all fit in one assembly. So what we have is the spiritual leadership of
the church. The text in verse 7 says, ―After much discussion.‖ In other words, everyone
who had an interest in what was going on was free to share from their heart. I think,
sometimes, the reason why we do not get good resolution on conflicts is that we
prematurely preempt someone‗s input. We look at what they‗re saying and say, ―That‗s
stupid!‖When you tell someone that what they‗re saying is stupid, what do they do? Clam
up! And their anger goes inward. They still have their opinions, but they‗re now not going to
talk about their opinion with you because you think they‗re stupid. I‗m sure I‗ve been guilty
of doing that very thing to people, inferring. You also inhibit discussion when you make a
personal attack against someone. You don‗t deal with the issue. Instead you deal with the
personality. ―The problem with you is…‖ It can become a name-calling event real quick.
We cut off discussion when we attack personalities. It‗s really critical, if we‗re going to get
resolution, that we really deal with the issues and all the issues get laid on the table. We
take time to deal with them. It‗s painful. It‗s painful to take that kind of time to deal with
issues. Sometimes there are no shortcuts.

The Jerusalem church is a church council: no utterances of tongues and interpretations.

There are no prophetic words in the deliberative body. What happens then is that groups
which have differing opinions will begin prophesying against one another. Instead of doing
the hard work of arguing from the Scripture, someone immediately wants to get up and say,
―Thus sayeth the Lord!‖ How in the world do you argue with someone who says, ―Thus
sayeth the Lord!‖? There‗s none of that in this council, but there is full discussion. We‗re not
told how long it took but given the fact that it was the kind of high level meeting it was, I‗d
assume it was days, many long hours and everybody that wanted to speak and needed to
speak and contribute to this issue did; a full hearing. If people are going to be part of the
solution of the problem, then they must be part of the process of solving it. The church is

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not meant to be a dictatorial kind of group where one person—the minister or the head lay
person or whatever—simply lays down God‗s rule for everyone else. We‗re meant to be a
community and when we have a problem that affects us all as a community, then we‗re to
come together and hear the word of Isaiah, ―‗Come let us reason together,‗ sayeth the
Lord.‖ And not simply depend upon the personality to lay down doctrinal truth. Truth is not
found in a majority vote. It‗s not found in a scintillating personality. Truth is found by careful
examination of God‗s Word and applying that Word to the particular problem that we‗re
dealing with. The third area where the church successfully went about resolving this
conflict: They not only define the issue and have a full discussion, but the third thing they
did was…

III. They took the time to listen to people who had had a sense of the Lord‘s genuine
leading in their life.
It wasn‗t prophecy and it wasn‗t tongues with interpretation. But they took time especially to
listen to Peter and his recounting of his meeting with Cornelius, because that was the key
moment. God was using that as a formative moment to help the church to later deal with
the whole issue of what to do with all of the Gentiles. If it knew what to do with one Gentile,
then it would know what God thought of all the Gentiles. That first Gentile that was
converted—how was he converted? Through some arm-twisting by an evangelist from
Jerusalem? Through some wonderful act of an apostle? No, not at all. That person was
sovereignly converted, the Holy Spirit fell upon him. They began to speak in other tongues
simultaneous with their conversion. It was an act which only God could have originated.
Therefore, it meant that if God had sovereignly saved them—who was the church to reject
the salvation? That basically is what Peter is saying. He‗s giving his account as a godly
person who had been thrust out in the issue by the Lord, and he says, ―I have something
to contribute on this.‖ It‗s not by experience that they decided on the issue. But experience
should be listened to. Sometimes in the Pentecostal arena of the church we have been
accused by our brothers of solely relying on experience. The opposite to solely relying on
experience is not having any experience at all, and using that non-experience as an excuse
for your belief. Which also, then, if you base your belief on your non-experience, means
your non-experience is of itself an experience and then you‗re basing your belief on your
experience. Both are argued from experience, although one‗s argued from non-experience
and the other from experience. Both are experiences. The issue is not resolved by
experience, but it is listened to and it is weighted as one of the important factors in the
decision. Of course, what was really helpful in conflict is that there had been people praying
about that conflict. If we get into our conflicts of life and we have no sense of the Spirit‗s
presence in our life, then we simply get into a human-locked situation in which we can‗t get
a resolution because there is no Spirit of God breaking through in our consciousness. It‗s
very important that there be people, in a decision such as this, who‗ve really heard from the
Lord. By the way, it should be noted that Peter shares his experience, but, who‗s presiding
over this church council? If Peter is the first primate of the church, does it strike you as
strange that in the first time the church gathers for its first ecumenical conference, Peter is
not presiding at all? James is presiding. He‗s the chairman of the meeting. Peter‗s one of
the witnesses and his word is not even the final determinative word. It‗s James‗ word that
reaches the consensus in the group.

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4. The fourth step in resolving the conflict is to apply the Word. There had been much
discussion. Peter shared his experience. And now James, the brother of the Lord, called
―Old Camel Knees‖(that was his nickname within Early Church tradition, because it was
said he spent so much time in prayer that his knees had become leathery), speaks up. We
know from reading his letter, ―James,‖ that he is kind of on the continuum between works
and grace, and there is a little bit more of an emphasis on the fact that your Christian life
should produce fruit. So perhaps up until this conference, the Judaizing party could have
maybe considered James as leaning toward them. I don‗t know it for a fact, but it may have
been a possibility. It made him an excellent moderator for a conference. If you are going to
have a good resolution, you need to have someone presiding to keep an even hand on the
situation, and not tilt their prejudices until the right time.
James now comes in, and what does he do? He takes a passage out of Acts 6, like a living
piece of leaven, he grabs it and jams it into the present moment. He says, ―Here, what
we‗re discussing was foreseen by the prophets.‖ ―After this, I‗ll return and rebuild David‗s
fallen tent‖ (Acts 15:16, NIV). ―David‗s tent‖… his kingdom had fallen. It‗d so fallen down
that royalty is in a carpenter‗s shop. That‗s how bad the tent of David had fallen. ―Its ruins
I will rebuild and I will restore it ―Why is God going to restore this fallen tent of David, this
kingdom of David?‖, that the remnant of men may seek the Lord [His whole purpose is to
reach out to the world], and all the Gentiles who bear my name, says the Lord, who does
these things that have been known for ages‖ (Acts 15:16-18, NIV). James says, ―Since
the Word says ‗this is my judgment,‗ we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who
are turning to God‖ (see Acts 15:19). So he takes the relevant part of the Word.
By the way, I‗d like to note something. It is not necessarily the position who is able to quote
the most Scripture that prevails in the Jerusalem conference. If you just took sheer quantity
of Scripture, the quantity of Scripture was on the side of the Judaizers. They could pull out
all the texts that say, ―Be circumcised.‖They could pull out all the texts that say, ―Keep the
Sabbath.‖ They could pullout all the texts on the dietary, kosher laws. They could pull out
all that stuff from Leviticus and Deuteronomy, especially, and slap it on the crowd and have
the weight of the quantity of Scripture. But it is not the bulk that counts. It‗s if one reading is
consistent in meaning through the Scripture and unites it all rather than divides it. Jesus
says that the Scriptures can‗t be broken. They can‗t be set against themselves. So there is
a theme that is coming through that in the Old Testament, God used these laws to build a
covenant people, to shape them.
By the way, the wisdom of that is seen in the fact that all the other nations that were
contemporary to Israel had fallen from the scene. Who knows any more about the
Philistines or the Hittites or others? They have been amalgamated into other cultures, and
there‗s not one of them that is a separate entity today in the world. They‗ve worked through
the bloodstream and religious fiber and cultural fiber of other people. The Jews alone have
maintained their identity. How did they do that? Because God gave them a means of
marking time—the Sabbath and Holy Days—a means of culture, a means of religious
expression and liturgy that bound them together as an ethnic group. He did this because
He wanted, through that ethnic group, to bring His Scriptures and bring His Messiah. He
wanted that cohesion to adhere until such a time as the Messiah would come forth. Then
the cultural thing, which brought them together, could lapse. And the Lord, who is revealed
through the family of Jacob, can then be worshipped, and a new identity cohere around
Him in whom there is the truth and the Spirit of liberty rather than the spirit of obligation.

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The weight, the quantity of Scripture, was on the side of the Judaizers. But the Spirit of the
Scripture was on the side of James and the church. ―The letter killeth,‖ as Paul says in
Galatians, ―but the Spirit gives life‖ (2 Corinthians 3:6).

5. The fifth thing that is really important in resolving a conflict is to separate the major
from the minor issues. In doing so, if at all possible, to save face, to let some people have
their face saved. It is no good to simply win an argument and then have the person you win
it from go away feeling that everything has been stripped from them.

There was something that especially bothered the position that had advocated the Judaizer
view. That is, when they sat down at a table and things were set in front of them that had
been offered to idols, had been strangled, or were served rare and bloody—that was
offensive. That would be as offensive to them as possibly most of us sitting down at a table
and someone showing up with nothing on their plate but an eyeball of a cow. Most of us
would have great difficulty in eating if we saw this eyeball rolling around on a plate. Since
one of the important ingredients of the early Christian church was table fellowship—having
communion with one another, not going to Coco‗s, but taking the time to make a meal at
the house and spending hours together and culminating that meal with communion—how in
the world can you have table fellowship when you‗re retching at your stomach from the
terrible dietary tastes of the person you‗re having fellowship with? The whole idea of eating
something strangled, something bloody, something offered to idols, was offensive and it
broke fellowship. So the church said, ―Yes, it is by grace we are saved through faith, but
let us promulgate a rule which says the Gentiles, not as a condition of their salvation but as
a matter of courtesy and keeping fellowship among us, will abstain from these things. And
also immorality—immorality being the one permanent thing, not a cultural thing, but a
permanent thing. Since with many of the Gentiles immorality was a part of eating feasts as
well, it would be natural that it was associated with matters of food. Can you imagine the
Early Church splitting over the issue of eating strangled things? We always must learn what
issues are major and what issues are minor, and what we can do to agree on the basics
and what we agree on is not a basic to Christian faith. We simply say there are issues
which bind us all as Christians, and whom Christ receives, let not the church reject. The
church ought never to draw its circle smaller than the circle Jesus has drawn. If Christ has
included you, the church includes you. Neither are we to draw the circle larger than Christ
has drawn it. Same size. Draw the circle to the size Christ has drawn it. If there are
distinctive, mark them as distinctive which are held by us because of biblical reasons, but
they are in a different category from those things which are commonly believed by all
believers. We can contend for those distinctive, but we don‗t have to be contentious about
them. So there was some satisfaction here. There was an attempt to preserve fellowship
and save face. They make a distinction between the major issues—salvation by grace—
and the minor issues—strangled meat, blood, pollution of idols. And, of course, they
inserted that immorality part because that was a problem with the Gentiles that needed
correction.

6. Then the sixth step to resolving the conflict was to clearly communicate the decision.
What good does it do to arrive at a decision and nobody know what it is, if it‗s not
commonly understood by everyone? So when the decision is fashioned, they then send a

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letter, and they specifically outline in the letter what has been decided. Then backing up the
letter, in addition to Paul and Barnabas, who are to take the letter to the churches that are
Gentile in origin, they send two of their own from Jerusalem to also come along and explain
the spirit of the Jerusalem church, to corroborate the written letter by the living word and
bring encouragement to the church. It‗s very important to have clear communication in the
resolution of a conflict.

7. Even when you‘ve got it resolved, there are still going to be some people that are
unhappy. That is going to be the case all through the rest of the New Testament. When you
open Paul‗s letters, you‗ll find him dealing, time and again, with this group called the
Judaizers, who want to add works to faith and who find it uncomfortable to have a doctrine
proclaimed by grace through faith. They are the party that rejected the Jerusalem council
decision and continually agitated to overturn it, and who advocated circumcision and the
keeping of the law of Moses. Not everybody will always be happy as the result of the
decision. But basically, the church as a whole has moved and made its decision. It wills to
move ahead and grow and expand more greatly than ever because its base has been
strengthened. Its defenses have been shored up. It‗s now ready to move forward. The
cause of Christ will be strengthened and the mainstream of the church will go ahead and be
stronger than ever. Ultimately, those who resist sound biblical counsel will wither away and
die. Which is what ultimately happened to the Judaizers.
Paul has a fierce word for the Judaizers. I would never approach the kind of language that
Paul used. In Galatians 5:12, he becomes so frustrated in dealing with these people who
were tearing up the churches he had planted, they themselves not having planted them
themselves. But they‗re coming in with their peculiar theology and farming the land he had
tilled for the gospel. He had heard one too many sermons on circumcision from this group.
He finally said in desperation and exasperation, ―I wish they would emasculate
themselves!‖ That‗s how upset he gets. so,‖ I‗d like to lead us in a special prayer for our
church leadership.

CHANGE AND CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Page 96