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For Ava, Charlie, Mason, and the next little one for whom we wait
with open arms—you are my life, my love, and my reason for being.

I hope I make you proud.

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 Contents
Foreword
So You’re Going to Be a Dad …

PART ONE

THE FIRST TRIMESTER

Chapter One
THE FIRST MONTH
Week One: Preparing for Pregnancy
Week Two: Ovulation and Fertilization
Week Three: Conception
Week Four: Implantation and the Great Divide

Chapter Two
THE SECOND MONTH
Week Five: The Neural Tube
Week Six: Your Baby Has a Face
Week Seven: Hands and Feet
Week Eight: Fingers and Toes

Chapter Three
THE THIRD MONTH
Week Nine: Starting to Look Like a Person
Week Ten: Finally a Fetus
Week Eleven: Teeth and Bones
Week Twelve: Reflexes
Week Thirteen: Call It a Trimester

PART TWO

THE SECOND TRIMESTER

Chapter Four
THE FOURTH MONTH
Week Fourteen: Making Faces
Week Fifteen: Baby Can Breathe
Week Sixteen: Getting Ready for a Growth Spurt
Week Seventeen: A Little Baby Fat

Chapter Five
THE FIFTH MONTH
Week Eighteen: Gender!
Week Nineteen: Sensory Development
Week Twenty: Halfway There
Week Twenty-One: Kung Fu Fighting
Week Twenty-Two: A Very Tiny Baby

Chapter Six
THE SIXTH MONTH
Week Twenty-Three: Packing on the Pounds
Week Twenty-Four: Viability!
Week Twenty-Five: Losing Wrinkles
Week Twenty-Six: The Descending Testicles
Week Twenty-Seven: The End of the Second Trimester

PART THREE

THE THIRD TRIMESTER

Chapter Seven
THE SEVENTH MONTH
Week Twenty-Eight: A Jump in Viability
Week Twenty-Nine: Smiling on the Inside
Week Thirty: Your Little Cabbage
Week Thirty-One: Head Turning

Chapter Eight
THE EIGHTH MONTH
Week Thirty-Two: Fully Developed Organs
Week Thirty-Three: Flexible Skull
Week Thirty-Four: Vernix
Week Thirty-Five: A Big Milestone

Chapter Nine
THE NINTH MONTH
Week Thirty-Six: In the Homestretch
Week Thirty-Seven: Early Term
Week Thirty-Eight: Ready to Meet You
Week Thirty-Nine: Any Day Now
Week Forty: Finally!
Weeks Forty-One to Forty-Two: Will There Ever Be a Baby?

PART FOUR

THE “FOURTH TRIMESTER”

Chapter Ten
THE TENTH MONTH
Week Forty-Three: Lots of Sleep for Baby, Less for You
Week Forty-Four: Growth
Week Forty-Five: Getting to Know You
Week Forty-Six: Tummy Time

Chapter Eleven
THE ELEVENTH MONTH
Week Forty-Seven: Hello, Smiley
Week Forty-Eight: Introducing the Bottle
Week Forty-Nine: Fewer Crying Jags
Week Fifty: Was that Two Months Already?

Chapter Twelve
THE TWELFTH MONTH
Week Fifty-One: Old Pros
Week Fifty-Two: Double Digits
Week Fifty-Three: Preferences
Week Fifty-Four: The First Three Months

Conclusion
Glossary
Resources
References
Acknowledgments
About the Author

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 Foreword
Finding out that you’re going to be a first-time parent is
simultaneously a terrifying experience and the most profound opportunity
to evolve as a human. I have two children, both daughters. My then
husband and I planned each pregnancy, but our approach toward the nine-
month process was somewhat different. While I devoured every book
about pregnancy and the first year of parenthood, he was less enthralled
with the logistics and trusted that he would fulfill his role more
organically. Men who are truly interested in becoming reliable partners
and fathers should be committed to the well-being of their family from the
very beginning. When you see those double lines on that pregnancy test,
what’s important to your partner should be just as important to you.
Even though women continue to break glass ceilings—filling high
profile CEO positions and running for president of the free world—the
undeniable fact remains that women are still expected to take on the
majority of childcare. More often than not, whether they are staying at
home or working as the breadwinners, mothers will eventually take on
most of the responsibility of their children. For me, this imbalance took a
heavy toll, both physically and mentally. It also took a toll on my marriage.
Shortly after the birth of my first daughter, I found myself feeling
profoundly alone—with the baby, with my thoughts, with the physical task
of taking care of her every need—and soon I succumbed to crippling panic
attacks. I frequently called my husband at work and pleaded with him to
come home. Sometimes I called him just to hear the voice of another
adult. My panic attacks became so severe that when my daughter was six
months old, I checked myself into a hospital. I would have given anything
to feel less alone.
Women are pressured to balance it all, but if anything, the resounding
message from the massive growth of the community around my website
dooce® is that moms need support—physical, emotional, and
psychological. Even though both parents are figuring it all out as
everything unfolds, more often than not that road is lonelier for the
mother, even if there is a father in the picture. And, despite strong
customs, cultures, or traditions that thrive on this imbalance, mothers
shouldn’t have to bear the majority of the stress and the grinding minutiae
of raising children. Mothers shouldn’t have to justify why they need their
partners in the trenches alongside them.
Adrian Kulp recognized his responsibility as a father and as a partner
early during his wife’s first pregnancy. In We’re Pregnant! The First-Time
Dad’s Pregnancy Handbook, Adrian shares the life-changing and life-saving
lessons that helped him thrive, and he provides guidance tailored
specifically for first-time dads. He delivers the right balance of clinical
information and ways to support expecting moms, all while speaking to
what men need to hear in a way that will make sense to them and their
roles as fathers. Writing and coaching as a once clueless and misguided
first-time dad, Adrian clearly understands the challenges ahead and makes
it his mission to get first-time dads to start maturing, to pay attention, and
most importantly to understand what it means to provide support.
As a practical handbook, this book is straightforward and offers small
and memorable bites of insight. It focuses on weekly pregnancy
milestones so that the father can stay on track with the mother and the
baby’s developments throughout those nine months and that “fourth
trimester.” This book also offers weekly to-do lists that address the
mother’s specific needs. Boyfriends, husbands, partners, and even second-
time fathers who may need a refresher will benefit from this book as they
learn to communicate better, become more proactive, and increase their
level of empathy for the person who statistically is stuck with all the heavy
lifting.

Heather B. Armstrong, creator of dooce®

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 So You’re Going to Be a Dad …

First off, congratulations, high fives, and down lows for having the insight,
inspiration, and love that propelled you to pick up this book. Whether you read this
book while commuting to work on the subway, taking a coffee break, or relaxing at
home with a frosty beverage after everyone’s gone to bed, it will be worth your while.
You’re about to become a father—and there’s no bigger or more exciting thing on this
earth. You have the awesome responsibility of shaping a young mind and becoming the
role model that your child is going to need well past adolescence and maybe even into
their own parenthood. Being a father is life changing on so many levels. Take it from
me; I’m a father of three with the fourth on the way. Yes, I’m exhausted, but being 100
percent invested trumps any purported downsides.
Learning that you will be a dad for the first time may be accompanied by
overwhelming feelings of anxiety and fear—but that’s normal. I went through it, as do
most dads. These fears kick every new dad right in the gut with a pair of soccer cleats.
Will I suck at this? What if I screw up? What if I drop the baby? What if I forget the car
seat on top of the car and start driving?
I openly admit that I wasn’t quite ready to take on the responsibilities of being a
dad, even though my wife and I were actively trying to get pregnant during our first
year of marriage. I was still enjoying the freedoms of the life I had created nearly a
decade before we met. Even into the first few months of my marriage, I maintained my
previously curated schedule, coming and going as I pleased, with little consideration
for my wife and her needs. For better or for worse, I was selfish for so many years,
truly caring only about myself and my needs.
So it’s not an exaggeration to say that fatherhood caught me by surprise, literally.
The first time that those double lines on the pregnancy test made an appearance in my
life was in 2008 as I was waking up after a night of debauchery while out on the town
with friends. As I lay there, reeking of booze, snoring, and trying not to choke on my
own saliva, my wife had placed that positive pregnancy stick on my nightstand. She
had taken the test—by herself—the night before, after I’d promised to come home
early but then didn’t. The curiosity had overwhelmed her, and she took the leap
without me. And I don’t blame her.
To this day, one of my biggest regrets was not being there to support her and share
the emotional reaction. The idea of becoming a father for the first time was
frightening, and the notion of what it meant to be a dad just did not register because I
didn’t know where to begin.
It was 16 weeks later at the corresponding prenatal appointment when I learned
that, on top of this new dad concept, I was having a daughter. I knew nothing about
being a father and never had any sisters growing up, so I knew even less about being a
father to a little girl and raising her to become a strong, confident person. The weight
of those ultrasound results hit me immediately and all at once.
My wife was equally surprised by the results; home pregnancy tests check for the
hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin) hormone; it’s in her system if she’s pregnant
and has missed her period. At the time, though, she didn’t necessarily comprehend
that it’s very rare that someone gets a false positive on a pregnancy test. Yes, you can
definitely get false negatives, but it was clear we were most likely expecting our first
baby.
Once the reality of the situation settled in, my wife (a full-time working mother-to-
be) had embraced her new identity. She was already light-years ahead of me—
collecting a slew of pregnancy books, pushing away wine at dinner, and instinctively
constructing an internal filter that would serve as a sorting mechanism for every piece
of advice that came at her (and they came from all directions: from her mom, my
mom, sisters, aunts, friends, colleagues, obstetricians, and even random strangers at
the airport).
It’s no secret that the stressors and responsibilities of pregnancy and babies fall on
women, and when you think about it, it’s a bad deal and unfair. Yes, women are built
with maternal instincts, but there are many things that your partner wouldn’t know
without a handy book to tell her what she should be expecting. So the reality is that all
of us—both men and women—start off clueless when it comes to pregnancy; the
difference is that women have no choice but to push through the unknown. They don’t
try, they just do.
When my wife found out that she was pregnant, she picked up several books to
help her navigate through what she didn’t know, like how in the hell her body was
going to stretch out and make room to support a small human the size of a
Thanksgiving turkey and then push the kid out through an opening the size of a
keyhole. Of course, this is all on top of visualizing the unimaginable pain from
contractions that come in waves, sending out slight and sporadic sensations of
discomfort at first but then tripling in seismic intensity and occurring closer together.
Or considering the not-that-comforting alternative—a giant epidural needle attached
to what looks more like a caulking gun than a syringe inserted into her spinal nerve.
And let’s not forget vaginal tearing, vaginal stitches, hemorrhoids, and the possibility
of a C-section. Talk about stepping up. So a man, a dad-to-be, shouldn’t use the fear of
the unknown and being clueless as excuses to avoid or shirk his duties.
Instead of sitting back, taking the path of least resistance, and allowing our partner
to bear the burden of what is coming our way over the next nine months and beyond,
we guys need to lose the “dude” act and learn to be the man that our partners see in us
so we can be the kind of dad our children will look up to.
 I’ll be the first to admit: The path of least resistance feels the easiest and most
convenient. While it may pass muster when it comes to minutia like doing only your
laundry and skipping hers (because you’re not sure how to wash her good underwear
and can’t be bothered to ask her or learn) or washing your ride so it’s clean for the
week ahead and leaving hers to look like it was pulled from the bottom of a lake, this is
a situation in which that just won’t cut it. This is one of the biggest experiences you’ll
ever have in your lifetime, so get involved and take action.
Among my close friends, I was one of the first to take the plunge (getting married
and starting a family), and while I may not have expressed it openly, part of my fear
stemmed from worrying about losing the bonds that I’d worked so hard to create with
“my boys.” But it was time. It was time for me to make the leap into manhood. After
having this epiphany, I decided to live life on life’s terms and let my fears fall to the
wayside. True friends will always find their way back around, and the reality was that I
was starting my own family. I decided that no matter how many times we are blessed
with the ability to get pregnant (four times now), I’d be there for my wife as much as
possible. To this day, I’ve been fortunate enough to have missed only one doctor’s
appointment.
It’s okay to feel uninformed, even clueless, during this time—hell, I most certainly
was. I used this challenging opportunity as something to grab on to, an emotional
geodetic survey marker where I could meet to connect with my wife, making us
stronger partners. As much as we hate admitting our fears and weaknesses, there’s no
better time than now. My weaknesses heavily outweighed my strengths, but I tried to
make up for my missteps and potential embarrassments by owning them and making a
note to never do that shit again.
It’s scary. You’re entering the great wide unknown . . . but you’re doing it together.
Whether you decided long ago that you will have an active role in this pregnancy or
you just came to this realization, over the next many pages, I will make sure that you
don’t waste time wondering what you can do or could’ve done to help along the
journey.
The mother-to-be is already well on her way to educating herself on what she
needs to do, and I will give you everything you need to finish this incredibly
transformative adventure together. So lay down your fancy gym shorts, take off the
Fitbit, and throw on your Wranglers or Dickies, because we’re about to get our hands
dirty.

The Whys and Hows

When I decided to focus fully on the pregnancy, albeit 16 weeks late, I immediately
turned my attention to the books that my wife had already read and memorized and
that were now sitting behind the toilet collecting dust. (I assume that she left those
there as a hint for me.)
I was motivated to learn what was happening with her on a physical and emotional
level so that I could absorb this information and do my part. But after reading the first
few chapters of a telephone book–size handbook, I felt frustrated. There was so much
information. Some of it was relevant to both parents, but the book was mostly written
for Mom. There weren’t many things I could use as a first-time dad for practical
purposes, for the day to day.
In writing this book, my main goal is not only to spell out what dads can expect as
their partners’ bellies grow but also point out what you can actually do to help support
her and your growing family. While it took me almost four months to get up to speed,
you can start now. This is a pregnancy action plan for the next 12 months—we can’t
forget about postpartum—so that you can be involved, engaged, and productive.
Over the past eight years, I’ve written more than 500 articles for my blog, Dad or
Alive: The Confessions of an Unexpected Stay-at-Home Dad, which also became the basis
for my first book, which was a comedic parenting memoir. The book explores my
bumpy transition from full-time TV executive to eventual primary caregiver. I’ve also
written several pieces for HuffPost Parents, The Bump, and Parents magazine. In 2013, I
produced Modern Dads for A&E, a show that focused on stay-at-home dads in Austin,
Texas. And in early 2017, I took a position as head of creative and branded content for
a massive online community called The Life of Dad. With all that professional
“authority” on fatherhood, as well as being a career dad, you’d think that I would have
all my shit together. But life doesn’t work that way. Even now as my wife and I are
preparing for our fourth kid, I still feel clueless, relearning many things that I thought I
had mastered.
Nonetheless, some things still prove to be true, and if I had known these things
when I became a first-time dad, life would have been a lot less stressful. But in this
former dad-to-be’s defense, I didn’t even know what I didn’t know; I had no clue what
questions to even ask. It would have been helpful to have some guidance from dads
who’ve been through the tried-and-true test of fatherhood. That’s why I decided to
write this book. This book exists because of both the mistakes I made and the lessons I
know now but wish I knew at the start of this crazy and wonderful adventure called
fatherhood. Throughout this book, I address uncertainties you may have, by giving you
a weekly play-by-play. You’ll find that you don’t have to wait until the baby is born to
get involved or until your child graduates from high school to truly start earning that
Dad of the Year plaque, mug, or T-shirt.

Weekly Milestones
Each week opens with a quick glance at week-specific milestones. It’s not unlike
looking at your calendar on Monday morning to see what’s ahead. Using insight and
lessons from my own personal experiences with four pregnancies, each week begins
with milestone openers that include vital pregnancy information—development stats
on baby, Mom stats and what she’s going through, and reminders and details about
upcoming doctor’s appointments or special events—that will tell you what you need to
accomplish. Also, because not every week will have an important appointment or
event or even a baby (Welcome to Week 1. Confusing, I know.), you get stats only
when it’s relevant so you can stay focused on what’s in front of you.

Family Goals
It’s not our responsibility to be mind readers when it comes to our partners’ needs,
but when it comes to pregnancy, we dads-to-be are just as accountable as our pregnant
partners to be informed and own up to our part of the equation. To make it easier, I’ve
structured the goals around the week-specific milestones so you’re not left wondering
what’s happening, what’s going to happen, or what you should be doing. If at the start
and end of the day, all you did was just ask her vague questions about what you could
do to help, you basically put all the onus back on her and rendered yourself useless. Be
proactive and step up. Take ownership and prove to her, and most importantly to
yourself, that you have the insight, confidence, and drive to have her back.
Just to be clear, when I talk about these weekly goals, I don’t mean simply picking
up takeout here and there when you happen to notice that she’s too tired to cook, or
taking out the trash before she has a chance to dispense the first reminder. To
effectively relieve the stressors in her life while she is growing a human, especially
because you can’t offer to carry the baby for her, pull your weight by taking on the
majority of the household chores. Make it your responsibility to load the dishwasher
every night, tidy up the home, or prepare weekly meals. These are the kinds of
practical, everyday goals that I’ll be suggesting.
I also include goals that will help you start thinking ahead to the future—big-
picture stuff. These types of goals include things such as making lists of questions to
ask at the next doctor’s appointment, considering a move if it’s in your family’s best
interest, saving money to hire extra help if you need it, or talking to a financial adviser
to gain perspective on budgeting or investing any extra money. These actions will help
build sturdy bridges as you embark on your journey to growing a family.
While these day-to-day goals are meant to make a big impact, it’s not always
massive landmark decisions or things that need to be addressed—there are plenty of
small moments and seemingly minor things that you might be inclined to do for your
partner to help her relax, relieve some stress, or simply inspire a smile at an
unexpected time.
Finally, while I did my best to cherry-pick simple day-to-day goals that resonate
with most expectant partners and families, it’s important to discuss your thought plan
with your partner. Make sure that you are working toward the same goals, and always
remember that communication is key. You might as well get used to falling back to
that default and finding strength in it, since it will serve you well in pregnancy,
parenthood, your partner relationship, and beyond.

Types of Goals and Support

Another reason I initially struggled with my wife’s first pregnancy is because I didn’t
know what it meant to support her. Because this notion can be so vague and varied,
I’ve categorized the family goals by the type of support you can offer during a
particular week. You’ll notice that certain kinds of support outnumber others, which
clearly answers the what when asking about her needs and the things you can do.
Here’s the list of the types of support you’ll encounter in this book. Feel free to add on
to and personalize this list as you embark on this journey with your partner.

DAD RD RD stands for registered dietitian, so these goals have to do with

keeping track of your partner’s prenatal nutrition and making sure she is
eating healthy by preparing foods that help with everything from morning
sickness and fatigue to milk production and iron deficiency.

DADDY DOULA These goals involve anything that has to do with prenatal
care (minus nutrition, as mentioned previously), labor, and postpartum
care (namely breastfeeding) for Mom and baby.

HOME CEO These goals focus on taking on the majority of the chores or
being proactive about what needs to be done around the house so that
your partner doesn’t have to worry about folding the laundry when her
belly is swelling or answering vague questions about where stuff goes
when she can’t even see past that belly to her toes.

CONVERSATION STARTERS These are meant to spark discussion so you can

address issues or things that could be potential issues later. These
conversation starters are also meant to ensure that you keep
communication constant and open.

BUDGET SAVVY Having a baby can be very expensive, so these goals help
you establish and/or stick to a budget that fits your needs and lifestyle.

STRESS REDUCER Having a baby can also ramp up the anxiety meter, so these goals help
your partner find physical and emotional relief when she needs it, or help you and your
partner establish fun, comedic, and relaxing breaks so you can take a breather and
refocus.
 BONDING TIME It’s easy to lose the intimacy in your relationship when
you’re having a baby, because your priorities inevitably change in the
process. While some things won’t be the same now that it’s not just the
two of you, there are still small things you can do to stay connected.
These goals help you plan things like special dinners or dates and even
bonding while preparing for baby.

FUN PROJECTS One of the best things about expecting is sharing your joy
and happiness with family and friends—the people who matter the most
—when the time is right. These goals help you plan things like baby
announcements and gender reveals, which have become more
sophisticated, easy, and interactive due to the latest upgrades in handheld
devices, digital media, and social media.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 It’s hard to understand exactly what your

pregnant partner is going through when you don’t have the physiological
requirements to have a baby yourself. That’s why practicing empathy can
take you far. These goals help put you in her shoes so you can better
address her physical and emotional needs.

POSTPARTUM EMPATHY 101 This is the same goal as pregnancy empathy,

but for the postpartum period, which is a time of painful recovery and
continuing fluctuation of hormones that cause imbalanced moods and
fatigue, all while learning how to breastfeed, soothe baby, and put baby to
sleep. There’s a lot that Mom is shouldering, and these goals help ensure
that you understand what she needs during this challenging time.

PLAN AHEAD To ensure the best results or to prepare for the unexpected,
planning ahead is key. These goals ensure that you are one step ahead,
whether it’s something as big as assessing your living situation before
baby arrives or something smaller yet still impactful, like packing the
hospital bag and creating a list of questions for the first baby
appointment.

DADDY DAYCARE These suggestions have to do with baby duties, most

often done solo, such as changing diapers, soothing baby, putting baby
down to sleep, and playing with baby.
 BROWNIE POINTS These goals are thoughtful things you can do to show you
that you care about her well-being and appreciate all the work and
sacrifices she is making to bring your baby into this world.

What Matters to Your Partner Should Matter to You, Too

You may still be wondering why you need to be so involved, especially since she
already has her doctor, her books, her mom, her mom friends, and her instincts. You’re
probably also wondering when you’ll have time to meet your own needs while you are
busy with household chores and making lists of questions for the baby doctor. If you
are still unsure about your role, I implore you to read on and learn.
During our first pregnancy, I’ll never forget what my wife told me, “Women
become mothers the moment they find out they’re pregnant, and most men become
fathers when they first hold their babies for the first time—but there are nine months
in between.” The reality is that it doesn’t need to be this way and that we men should
take ownership from the beginning. We need to make an effort to understand and
realize that this isn’t a solo journey. It all boils down to this simple realization: What
matters to your partner should matter to you because you’re building a family. In
other words, it’s no longer just about you, and whatever you do or don’t do will have
an impact on the whole family. Trust me on this.

The “Fourth Trimester”

The more involved a father is within the entire nine months of pregnancy, the more
likely it is that he’ll be ready for doing his part during those vital first three postpartum
months, which many have come to know as the “fourth trimester.” This term was
coined from the notion that newborns are practically fetuses outside the womb for the
first three months after they are born—they need to be constantly fed (every two
hours or fed on demand) and kept neither too warm nor cold since newborns’ bodies
aren’t equipped yet to regulate temperatures. The postpartum period requires a lot of
mom and baby skin-to-skin bonding so that her body can increase milk production (if
she wants to breastfeed) and keep baby warm and comforted.
What this all boils down to is that Mom really needs you in the trenches with her.
She’s recovering from the birth process or C-section as well as potentially
breastfeeding around the clock and dealing with hormones that are in the beginning
phase of regulating back to normal. Between recovery, sleep deprivation, and basic
survival, these few weeks aren’t easy on either parent.
Getting in on the ground floor and setting up the mentality that you’re in this
together will only make the “fourth trimester” less of a system shock for the both of
you, and therefore more manageable. The better prepared both of you are, the better
the family’s overall well-being.
 Once you’re out of the hospital and settled at home, finding that routine or
schedule with your partner is of paramount importance. A routine will relieve stress in
both of your lives and allow you to put more emphasis on becoming great parents.
As a close friend of mine always says, “Fatherhood is the new brotherhood.”
Welcome to the club, Dad. You’re gonna do great.
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T he first three months of pregnancy are some of the toughest, but I’m
here to help! Whether you were planning your pregnancy or not, this
adventure starts with a missed period. Don’t spare any expense in
investing in a reputable home pregnancy test to determine if this is the
real deal. Once you and your partner have determined that she’s pregnant,
there will be a lot of questions about what to expect during the first
several weeks. Part 1 of the book will answer those questions. You have
been warned: We are going to refer to vocabulary like tender breasts and
nipples, darkening or bumpy areolas, spotting, fatigue, bloating, and
urinary frequency. Don’t worry, they will most likely become everyday-
speak before you know it. You’ll eventually become an expert!
One of the most important things to consider about the first trimester
is your current lifestyle. Things like booze and tobacco aren’t conducive to
fostering a healthy pregnancy. Mom should be adjusting her lifestyle with
the idea that everything she puts in her body can and will have a direct
effect on the baby. Eating healthy and getting enough rest are of
paramount importance, and you can gently encourage this with your
partner.
One of the first things you can do together as a couple is to research
doctors (OB/GYNs, which stands for obstetrics and gynecology;
obstetricians focus on pregnancy and childbirth, and gynecologists focus
on overall female reproductive system health) in your area. If your partner
doesn’t already have an OB/GYN, get referrals from your primary care
physician or crowdsource recommendations from friends and parents in
your area. As you prepare for your initial appointment, knowing family
history and important dates such as when your partner had her last period
is key information to have available.
Keep in mind that over the next 12 weeks, Mom’s body is preparing to
carry a baby for the long haul, and with that comes intense hormonal
changes. This is all normal, and Mom can use your support, whether it’s
physically or emotionally. As her partner, you’re sort of silently tasked
with making sure that she’s doing okay with those changes and not overly
affected with a prenatal mood disorder. Be there for her to help her relax
or deal with any difficult issues.
 Finding out that you’re expecting, seeing your baby for the first time
on an ultrasound, and potentially hearing the heartbeat are incredibly
powerful and emotional moments in your life. Enjoy this amazing and
intense bonding experience with your partner. Bringing a baby into this
world isn’t always easy. But it’s a miracle and a blessing that should be
treated as such.
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER ONE

The First Month

If your partner has just become pregnant, you won’t notice much in the
way of physical or emotional changes just yet. There could be a touch of
fatigue or tenderness in the breasts, but for the most part, Mom’s body is
preparing for the next eight months of growing another human. Sounds
like a piece of cake, right? Wrong.
Now is the time for you and your partner to look at your lifestyle and
consider whether it’s conducive to bringing a beautiful baby into this
world. Perhaps it’s time to make some changes (or if you’re fortunate, not
many at all) as you become a father! Save those Bitcoins as an investment
instead of spending them on questionable items online.
Although this pregnancy may not have a ton of impact on your life this
month, it’s never too early to be the best partner you can be and to
provide support for Mom the rest of the way. Don’t get stressed out; this is
one of the most incredible adventures you’ll experience in your life!
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 1-MONTH EMBRYO
NEW GEAR
placenta, umbilical cord, amniotic sac, tail

SIZE COMPARISON
poppy seed, grain of salt, the period at the end of a sentence

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 WEEK ONE

Preparing for Pregnancy

WEEK TWO

Ovulation and Fertilization

WEEK THREE

Conception

WEEK FOUR

Implantation and the Great Divide

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 WEEK ONE

Preparing for Pregnancy

One of the things that always confused me while attempting to track

the course of my wife’s pregnancy was the fact that there is no baby during
Week 1. This is due to the fun fact that the first of the 40 weeks starts with
the first day of your partner’s last period. There’s a reason for this—it’s
easier to track periods than ovulation, the signs of which aren’t as
noticeable in many women. This is also a reliable, internationally accepted
standard for tracking pregnancy.
Over the years, my wife and I would jokingly refer to this time as
“dating” or “practicing” to have a baby. With the first three pregnancies,
we were fortunate enough (depending on how you look at it) to enjoy only
one or two “dates” before the home pregnancy magic stick revealed the
exciting news. I was ready for more practice!
Beginning with the latter part of my wife’s third pregnancy, she was
technically considered high risk because she was 35 years old, and it took
more than a few “dates” to get pregnant—in actuality, it took months of us
tracking her ovulation schedule and timing it just right to achieve the
desired result. Note that even for the first few weeks of the 40 weeks, your
partner won’t experience any pregnancy symptoms or fetal growth, but
she will be releasing an egg and setting the conditions for conception to
occur. The stadium is getting set up for the big game.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH ONE WEEK ONE

MOM’S STATS

Your partner is currently having her period and is in the first

week of her cycle.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS
 Make an appointment with her primary care physician to
ensure there are no outstanding health issues that will
interfere with conception.

Family Goals
PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Show an interest from the
beginning: Since you’re both committed to the idea of getting
pregnant and starting a family, don’t hesitate to talk openly
about your expectations and fears. Conversely, ask your
partner how she’s feeling. There’s absolutely nothing wrong
with getting in on the ground floor and showing excitement for the
possibility of bringing a beautiful baby into this world!

DAD RD Think like a dietitian: Your partner is likely taking

prenatal vitamins loaded with folic acid, a pregnancy super
vitamin that helps reduce the risk of neural tube (brain and
spinal cord) defects. Folic acid is also found in foods like
dried beans, peas, nuts, avocados, broccoli, collard greens,
turnip greens, and okra. Unleash your inner chef and make something easy
and delicious for her, like avocado toast. Or if you have time, turn on the
slow cooker and crank out some pea soup. She and your future baby will
thank you!

DADDY DOULA Encourage a healthy lifestyle: The party’s over,

Wayne! Remind her how important it is to avoid things like
smoking and booze! Hopefully, she’s way ahead of this
reminder. And if you smoke or drink, maybe this is an
opportunity to be selfless and go on hiatus or, at the very
least, cut back while you’re around her.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Be supportive while you’re trying:

Not everyone is able to get pregnant right away. Help your
partner stay full of optimism to quash any unnecessary worry.
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 WEEK TWO

Ovulation and Fertilization

Day 14 of your partner’s ovulation cycle is here. Wait, you didn’t get the
e-mail? That notification didn’t pop up on your phone this morning?
Maybe it won’t always be this day, but it generally falls between days 12
and 16, so it’s time to get busy.
This is the day that I referred to earlier as “dating” or “practicing.” I’ll
be the first to admit, there is a lot of unnecessary pressure in the air on
this one. Once the egg is released, it survives for about 12 to 24 hours, and
it’s then that fertilization will occur. The two of you should try to get on
the same page about achieving the same goal here—to lead the healthiest
lifestyle you can right now so all the energy and effort you put forward
now will pay huge dividends in the end.
I don’t personally know anyone who has actually used Barry White to
set the mood, but it’s time to get inspired. Go and crank up the jazz or that
slow jams playlist you’ve been working on, drag a razor across your face,
slap on the Acqua Di Giò, and find a shirt with a collar. It’s magic hour (or
several minutes in my case).
If fertilization of the egg occurs during this week, your baby is a zygote
that has moved into the HOV lane of the fallopian tubes, headed toward
the uterus. Even with the highest-performing sperm specimen, it will still
take the sperm between three and five days to get to the uterus for
implantation.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH ONE WEEK TWO

BABY’S STATS

The ovum is meeting sperm.

The egg may be fertilized this week, but it’s tiny and could fit
on the head of a pin.
 MOM’S STATS

Mom’s period is over, and it’s ovulation time.

Her cervix may have increased mucus secretion, and she
could potentially experience mittelschmerz, which is not a
drinking game I invented in college. This is pain associated
with the release of the egg, and most women won’t even
notice it.
Estrogen levels are on the rise, and your partner may see a
typical menstrual cycle weight gain of a half pound or so. On
the flip side, she may also be more easily aroused as her body
pushes toward fertilization, so cue the 1970s porn music.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Sexy time on your partner’s ovulation cycle.

A simple way for you to keep your secret calendar straight is to

remember 7, 14, 21, and 28. If your partner has a typical 28-day cycle, her
period is the first week, day 14 is ovulation, day 21 is implantation, and day
28 is when the needle on the record goes all the way back to the beginning.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Let Mom get some rest: Sleep is of the utmost
importance. There’s no harm in Mom beginning to get into a
pattern of healthy sleep while trying to get pregnant. Be
respectful of your shared space—no need to keep her up till
midnight with Cris Collinsworth’s lackadaisical Sunday Night
Football commentary blaring on the other side of the wall.

DAD RD Keep focusing on nutrition: Nutrition will continue to

be of paramount importance for the next nine months, and
beyond if Mom is breastfeeding. Think about surprising your
partner with a nice Moleskine journal and encourage her to
keep track of what she’s eating and how much physical
activity she logs during the week. Maybe even knock out an agreement to
exercise together—it could be a nice change of pace to take a walk
together after work.

BROWNIE POINTS Wine and dine, or just dine: Who says trying
for a baby has to be work? Before getting busy, treat the night
as an actual date. Ask her out to dinner and a movie. Who
knows, maybe you’ll have so much fun that you’ll forget
you’re trying, and stress-free baby-making is exactly what her
body needs.
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 WEEK THREE

Conception

If everything has worked out the way it was supposed to, your sperm has
built up speed, caught some magnificent air, and landed directly inside of
the egg, à la the high-tech assault vehicle in Tango & Cash. This point of
contact creates the zygote. The zygote has finished its journey through the
fallopian tubes and is continuing its cell division and multiplication. I
know, I know. Sit down, take an Advil, and rub some essential oils on your
temples—math was never my thing either.
The fertilized cell (zygote) divides for the first time within hours of the
sperm meeting the egg. It continues to divide, and within several days, it
has matured into a ball of cells—which, to put things into perspective, is
significantly smaller than the period that concludes this sentence.
Congratulations, you’ve now got a blastocyst! This term may not be
the cutest nickname to give your growing baby, and I’m guessing that you
and your partner may eventually come up with something a little more
fitting. In our family and extended family, it’s been called everything from
pea to bean to sprout, and Skittle to jelly bean to gumdrop. You may prefer
something with a little more machismo, for instance, Rambo or the
Enforcer or Lil’ Charles Bronson. Totally your call.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH ONE WEEK THREE

BABY’S STATS

The egg is dividing cells and remains microscopic.

The egg, which consists of about 100 cells, is now called a
blastocyst.
MOM’S STATS

She has continuing thicker cervical mucus associated with

ovulation.
 She also has a slightly higher than normal basal body
temperature.
Her mood is likely upbeat and calm.

Family Goals
BROWNIE POINTS Leave room for dessert: Mom may notice a
slight increase in appetite this week with the building
hormonal changes. No need to criticize the volume of food
intake—in fact, if you’re making dinner at home, it might be
nice to pick up a surprise treat. And, no, pickles and ice cream
probably isn’t your best bet.
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 WEEK FOUR

Implantation and the Great Divide

This is an exciting yet nerve-racking week for you and Mom. Once she
realizes that she’s missed her period, she’s in the clear to take a home
pregnancy test, although the accuracy won’t reach its peak until about one
week after the missed period. It can be a really difficult thing to wait for
the right day to take a pregnancy test. You can get a false negative if she
tests too early; however, it’s nearly impossible to get a false positive.
Home pregnancy tests check for the hCG hormone, which begins to
increase exponentially following implantation. Some pregnancy tests can
tell you the results several days before your partner’s missed period
(typically on day 28), but unless you buy one of these tests, you are better
off waiting, to ward off unnecessary disappointment.
Your little ball of cells is now officially called an embryo. It has reached
the uterus and is nestling into the uterine lining, where it will take up
permanent residence and stay connected until delivery. It’s here and now
that the embryo begins what is referred to as the “great divide”: It splits
into two groups. One of these groups will become your son or daughter
and the other will become the placenta, your baby’s lifeline during his or
her uterine stay.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH ONE WEEK FOUR

BABY’S STATS

The ball of cells continues to increase in size and is now

about the size of a poppy seed.
Your baby is now officially considered an embryo.
Baby’s organs begin to develop this week!
MOM’S STATS
 The embryo is attaching itself to the uterine lining, a process
referred to as “implantation.”
Some women may notice implantation with slight bleeding
and cramping about 7 to 12 days after ovulation. This will likely
occur as spotting, accompanied by what feels like period
cramps.
Mom may also notice some breast changes this week, such
as increased nipple sensitivity, soreness, tenderness, or
swelling.
An increase in urination is generally one of pregnancy’s
earliest signs.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If the home pregnancy test yields a positive result, you need

to schedule an appointment right away with your OB/GYN or
midwife.

The amniotic sac—also referred to as the bag of waters—is beginning

to form, as is the yolk sac that will eventually become incorporated into
your baby’s developing digestive tract. Each layer of the embryo (a total of
three now) is beginning to grow into specialized parts of the body.
Endoderm—the inner layer that eventually becomes the digestive
system, liver, and lungs
Mesoderm—the middle layer that eventually becomes the baby’s
heart, sex organs, bones, kidneys, and muscles
Ectoderm—the outer layer that eventually becomes the nervous
system, hair, skin, and eyes
See how much is happening? Why wasn’t I taking it upon myself to be
a supportive partner the first time around? Hindsight is always 20/20, and
perhaps I’m in a much different place now that I’m older and more
mature, but I now find this process so incredibly fascinating.
 Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Reassess your living situation:

Where are you living? Is it a healthy environment in which to raise a baby?

These are questions that you and your partner should ask yourselves when
you are having a frank discussion about whether moving is in your future.
If you don’t think you have enough space for a new addition to the family,
be proactive and start using some basic services like Zillow, Trulia, or
Apartment Guide to dial in on a fresh new start. If not, maybe you can find
ways to improve the condition of your current residence.

Do you have enough space for a nursery? My wife and I lived in a two-
bedroom apartment in West Los Angeles when we found out that she was
pregnant. While apprehensive at first, I had to convert that second
bedroom (my home office/man cave) into the nursery, complete with pink
accent walls and chiffon curtains.

What life changes need to be made to ensure that you’re ready to welcome a baby
home in 8½ months? The reality is that poker night may have to be moved
to a different location—no groups of eight guys smoking cigars and
crushing half-gallons of Captain Morgan in your living room while Mom is
trying to rest.

DADDY DOULA Plan to spot her during upcoming prenatal

appointments: Communicate with your partner and insist on
going with her once the first prenatal visit is scheduled—the
experience of easing the stress and holding hands in the
waiting room is a memory and feeling that you’ll never forget.
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWO

The Second Month

On the surface, Mom’s body still isn’t showing much in the way of being
pregnant, and chances are that you and your partner have chosen not to
mention anything to anyone yet. But just because you can’t tell that she’s
growing a baby doesn’t mean that she isn’t feeling it.
Mom is growing more fatigued by the day. Her nausea is increasing,
and she may be starting to experience morning sickness. There are
massive hormonal changes happening within her body, and her breasts are
preparing themselves to produce milk. Her nipples are incredibly sore, so
watch the funny business!
Your partner is going to need every bit of your support—at this point,
general encouragement about eating healthy, getting moderate exercise,
and treating her body like a temple. You’ll want to help her create a perfect
environment inside of her body but also do your part in making her home
life serene.
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 2-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
face, eye, hand, foot, neural tube, heart

SIZE COMPARISON
raspberry, jelly bean, Aspirin pill

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 WEEK FIVE

The Neural Tube

WEEK SIX

Your Baby Has a Face

WEEK SEVEN

Hands and Feet

WEEK EIGHT

Fingers and Toes

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 WEEK FIVE

The Neural Tube

I’ve always felt like that first month of pregnancy came and went
before I even had a chance to acknowledge what was happening with my
wife. Even though your partner might not be showing, so much is going
on.
The embryo is beginning to look less and less like a ball of cells and
more like a tadpole. Remember last week when we talked about that outer
layer of cells called the ectoderm? This is where the neural tube is
developing, which will be the building block for the entire nervous system
and spine.
The middle layer, the mesoderm, is where the circulatory system,
skeleton, and very early beginnings of the heart and vessels are developing.
The third layer, the endoderm, will eventually contain your baby’s organs,
but for now it connects to the placenta, which is transporting all the
necessary nutrients to help it grow.
On the outside, Mom probably doesn’t look much different; however,
she will tend to notice occasional nausea, breast tenderness, and an
increasing urge to urinate as she moves forward.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH TWO WEEK FIVE

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is the size of a small lemon seed.

The heart, which is about the size of a poppy seed, is starting
to take shape and beginning to beat.
The neural tube is open but will close next week. This will
eventually become the brain and spinal cord.
MOM’S STATS
 She has continuing breast tenderness and possible
enlargement.
She has continuing frequent urination.
She may have nausea.
Her fatigue begins to show.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

You’ve hopefully already scheduled the first appointment

with your doctor or midwife.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Be in charge of the main household chores: Try to
look at it this way . . . Whether Mom currently works full time
out of the home or not, she’s just inherited a second job—
growing a human inside her. Look around the house and
evaluate the top things that need to be done to maintain a
sane household. This especially applies to the situation where Mom-to-be
usually delegates what goes on around the house, especially the cleaning.
The fatigue that Mom’s feeling is legit. Offer to do her share of the
household chores, and encourage her to relax and kick her feet up for a bit.
Perhaps it might help to “learn the system” that’s in place or suggest that
you reorganize some things around the house to fit with what works best
for you. Side note: Most women find it sexy watching their man tidy up the
place.

DADDY DOULA Alert Mom when you’re out and about and
bathrooms become available: You’ll be surprised at how
frequently she will have to urinate. Be a sport and remind her
to go before you get in the car, and be patient if she needs to
stop en route and go again. And again.
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 WEEK SIX

Your Baby Has a Face

I always found it funny when books or online resources would tell me

that “my baby has a face.” I’d instantly picture a little Chris Farley, Jack
Nicholson, or Oprah.
The reality is that your baby isn’t telling you that he lives in a van
down by the river, donning a velvet Los Angeles Lakers tracksuit and Ray-
Bans, or hosting a daytime talk show. It’s still only the size of a Skittle, and
while the head is a big portion of the crown-to-rump measurement (a
quarter inch or so), the eyes, ears, and nose are just beginning to form and
become more distinct. That little beating heart is pumping blood through
its tiny vessels, and the little nubs that will eventually be the arms and legs
are beginning to be noticeable.
Mom still isn’t showing much in the waist, but her nipples are
darkening, and her breasts are getting larger. Her hair may be getting
thicker as hormones keep it from falling out, and her nails may also be
getting stronger and longer.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH TWO WEEK SIX

BABY’S STATS

The fetus is developing eyes, ears, a jaw, cheeks, and a chin.

The kidneys, liver, and lungs are taking shape.
The heart is beating 110 times per minute.
MOM’S STATS

Mom is too small to show yet, but she may have a certain
“glow” about her.
Her hair may be thicker and her nails may be stronger.
 She has larger breasts and darker nipples.
Her hormones could be causing mood swings.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Week 6 is the most common week for your first prenatal

appointment. Urine and blood will be screened for nutrient
deficiencies, and Mom will be weighed and have her blood
pressure tested.
The doctor may also do a very quick pelvic exam.

Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Prepare for the first prenatal
appointment: Ask your partner if she’s come up with a list of
questions to ask her doctor. And one important note: You
should also be prepared with knowing the first and last day of
Mom’s last period. She’ll be surprised that you were paying
attention.

DADDY DOULA Encourage exercise: Okay, maybe you don’t

need to channel your inner Mr. Miyagi, and it’s probably not
appropriate to ask your partner to sand fences or practice the
crane kick, but encouraging some daily exercise is great for
her and for the baby’s health. Remember those his ’n’ hers
Fitbits you bought for Valentine’s Day? Time to break them out.

DADDY DOULA Be on the lookout for prenatal mood disorders:

Being aware of the potential for anxiety and depression is the
best way to manage this concern. Keep in mind that a
majority of women hold these feelings in, so you might have
to get inquisitive with your partner and ask some questions.

QUESTIONS FOR THE FIRST PRENATAL APPOINTMENT

How much weight should she be gaining and at what
rate?
Given her age, should she be concerned about any
specific conditions or restrictions?
Does she need any specific screenings, and if so when will
they occur?
What about diet? Are there certain foods she should eat?
What should she stay away from?
Is she allowed to exercise? For how long?
Can my partner continue having sex? Are there any
restrictions?
Can she travel without restriction? For how long?
Can she dye her hair? Get massages?
Should she be taking prenatal vitamins?
What if she has additional questions? When can she call
or e-mail you?

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 WEEK SEVEN

Hands and Feet

This week is full of signals—some that might be crossed and others that
might be right on the money. The baby is growing at an outrageous rate,
and its skeleton has fully formed. The skeleton is not the hard bone that
we’re accustomed to seeing but rather is soft and pliable. Those nubs that
we talked about last week are now looking more paddle-like and dividing
into hand, arm, and shoulder segments, along with leg, knee, and foot
segments. The baby’s digestive system, kidneys, liver, pancreas, and
appendix are now developed. Thankfully, you won’t have to worry about
changing those stinky diapers for another few months.
Mom is probably beginning to feel a little rough around the edges. The
nausea, morning sickness, and/or aversion to certain foods may have
dramatically increased. This time in the pregnancy is one that has stuck in
my head each time we’ve been fortunate enough to have another child on
the way. It feels like with almost every pregnancy, like clockwork, one day
my wife would wake up and begin sniffing around the house, her nose
scrunched up into her eye sockets. The super smell had arrived.
First, she would focus on my gym shoes or our daughter’s UGGs that
she wears for weeks without socks. Then she’d move on to my truck or our
son’s bedroom closet (where the dog buried a half slice of pizza months
earlier that had turned into a science experiment). Eventually, her super
smell inevitably led her to the kitchen refrigerator and, without warning, I
had a new skill set to add to my LinkedIn résumé: I was officially
promoted to the “guy in charge of smelling things to see if they’re rotten.”
What did that mean? If there was anything in the refrigerator that
could be potentially close to its expiration date, I would be designated to
stick my nose in it to figure out where we stood.
My wife didn’t stand a chance when it came to sour cream, old milk,
blue cheese, or “fermented” ravioli that I’d somehow forgotten to throw
out. For her, it would mean hurl city.
 1ST TRIMESTER MONTH TWO WEEK SEVEN

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is as big as a blueberry and 10,000 times bigger

than at conception!
The entire skeleton has formed, yet it’s still soft and pliable.
The brain is developing at a rate of 100 cells per minute.
The digestive system, kidneys, liver, appendix, and pancreas
are helping with waste management.
The nubs that will eventually form the arms and legs are
continuing to grow and will soon divide into hands and feet.
MOM’S STATS

Her uterus has doubled in size to accommodate the baby.

The placenta has now developed hairlike projections called
“villi” that are transferring nutrients from Mom to baby.
She might have morning sickness and/or food aversions.
A sixth sense emerges: super smell.
Pregnancy cravings may start.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If you had your appointment during Week 6, then you were

probably told by your doctor that you should discuss
completing prenatal testing for genetic or chromosomal
conditions.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Freshen up the house: That super smell is no joke. Think about
doing some deep cleaning around the house. Rent or buy a steam cleaner
 for the carpets. Scrub out that refrigerator and freezer and
get rid of stuff that has seen better days. Drag those various
trash cans into the front yard like Cousin Eddie (of National
Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) would, hose them out with a
little soap, and you’re back in business.

DAD RD Expand your cooking repertoire: Find different ways

to cook produce—try roasting root vegetables like beets or
baby carrots, maybe even Brussels sprouts or cauliflower.

BONDING TIME Dine alfresco: If it’s nice outside, research

some regional or state parks in your area. Chances are they
have some easy trails that you could take on. If you want to
combine both ideas, roll up a blanket and pack some
sparkling water, a hard cheese (soft cheese isn’t good for
pregnant women), and some crackers, and you’ve got yourself a date.

BROWNIE POINTS Surround her with her favorite fragrances: If

you really want to live on the wild side, find out what smells
she does like. Then be sure to swing by T.J. Maxx on your way
home from work and grab a lilac or sandalwood diffuser like a
real man!
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 WEEK EIGHT

Fingers and Toes

You can breathe easy this week, as your baby’s tail is almost gone. Go
have a cold one and hit the showers!
Just kidding. There’s a bunch more going on that you need to catch up
on . . .
Congratulations are in order not only because your baby is looking less
reptilian and more human but also because it now has eyelids and is
developing lungs. Its tiny heart is beating twice as fast as yours, and the
baby is beginning to make spontaneous twitching movements. Fingers and
toes are beginning to show more definition. However, the digits do still
resemble those of a frog or “that guy” at the community pool who uses
webbed swim gear and paddles laps around you like he’s training for the
Summer Olympics.
Toes can be an interesting thing to stress about. Will he or she have
regular toes like the author’s or Morton’s toe (the second toe is longer
than the big toe) like my wife’s? It’s an ongoing, intense debate in our
home.
Either way, toes are toes, and they’re beautiful. He or she just may have
to be careful when choosing flip-flops or open-toed shoes for special
engagements. For years, my wife contended that a Morton’s toe meant
that you were smarter and more creative; however, upon further research,
I was able to say: “According to Google, you’re totally wrong!” (which felt
fantastic, but I digress).

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH TWO WEEK EIGHT

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is the size of a raspberry.

Its heart is beating an incredible 150 to 170 times per minute.
 Webbed fingers and toes are developing, as well as eyelids.
Primitive neural pathways to the brain and bronchial tubes
are forming.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s stomach is still reasonably flat, but because of the

extended uterus she may have stomach tenderness.
Moodiness, super smell, morning sickness, food cravings, and
food aversions are still possible.
She will need to urinate often.
She may experience fatigue and low energy.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If you haven’t had that first appointment yet, it’s extremely

urgent, so get it done as soon as possible.
The doctor may also do a very quick pelvic exam.

Family Goals
STRESS REDUCER Find a fun diversion to relieve stress: Mom’s
pregnancy hormones are definitely kicking in. Finding a fun
distraction for her mood swings and anxiety is a good thing.
What can you do to keep her mind off things? Invite friends
over to play Cards Against Humanity? Challenge her to a
game of Scrabble? What about a game of mini-golf?

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Listen more, talk less: Mom’s

hormones are brewing as her body prepares itself for the next
several months, which may cause some abrupt shifts in
mood. Be patient and hear her out, even if it sometimes feels
as if the conversation isn’t as relevant as it normally might
be.
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 CHAPTER THREE

The Third Month

This month is a huge milestone in the pregnancy. Your partner is

coming up to the end of the first trimester. Even though her fatigue is
ramping up and she’s finding herself going to the bathroom several more
times during the day than usual, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
If she’s experiencing morning sickness, the end is in sight (if she’s like
most women). But that doesn’t change the fact that her uterus is
continuously expanding, and as her belly grows, mild discomfort and
trouble sleeping are other factors that will begin to pop up.
But the exciting part about this month is that you’ll most likely have
your first doctor’s appointment, and chances are good that you’ll be able
to hear your baby’s heartbeat for the first time—which is a life-changing
experience all on its own. The conclusion of this month also brings a
drastic reduction in the potential for miscarriage, and it may also mean
that you and your partner choose to tell those close to you the good news.
It’ll feel good to let family and friends in on your amazing secret!
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 3-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
mouth, nose, ears, arms, toes, fingers, bones, organs: intestines, liver, kidney,
bladder

SIZE COMPARISON
slightly bigger than a lime, toy soldier

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 WEEK NINE

Starting to Look Like a Person

WEEK TEN

Finally a Fetus

WEEK ELEVEN

Teeth and Bones

WEEK TWELVE

Reflexes

WEEK THIRTEEN

Call It a Trimester

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 WEEK NINE

Starting to Look Like a Person

Entering month 3, your baby is about one inch long, almost the same
size as a martini olive. It’ll still be another couple of months before Mom
is able to feel the kicks and punches of your little one, but that doesn’t
mean that your baby isn’t full of life. Its tiny heart has started beating!
There were certainly times between doctor’s appointments when my
wife felt nervous and simply wanted the comfort of hearing our baby’s
heartbeat when she got home from work or before she took a warm (not
hot!) bath before bedtime.
As baby starts to develop, anxiety around life stats might ramp up. Do
your best to keep things calm and find manageable solutions.

Family Goals
DAD RD Make a soothing tea from fresh ginger: Dad, it’s time
to get to know ginger. No, I’m not talking about the character
from Gilligan’s Island or the NFL’s best quarterback, Carson
Wentz of the Philadelphia Eagles, but rather the Chinese root
that looks like gnarled fingers. This can be a huge weapon
against the nausea associated with morning sickness. You can usually find
it in the produce section of any decent grocery store. Use a vegetable
peeler to take the skin off one of the nubs, shred it, boil it, and give it to
Mom to drink as a tea with a little honey or sugar.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH THREE WEEK NINE

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s joints are beginning to move.

 Fingers and toes are defined, and the mouth, nose, and eyes
have become more distinct.
Your baby is about one inch long, or the size of an olive.
MOM’S STATS

All first-trimester physical effects are in full swing.

Mom’s moods are likely to swing from one end of the
spectrum to the other.
Her stress and fatigue are major issues.

STRESS REDUCER Consider a Doppler: Ever since our first

pregnancy, my wife and I have rented a device from a
company called BabyBeat that allows you to hear your baby’s
heartbeat—a handheld Doppler. It will generally run you
about $25 to $35 per month. If this is your first pregnancy and
you plan to have more children, you may even consider buying one instead
of renting; they’re relatively inexpensive, and owning can be more cost
effective in the long run. This portable device has been a lifesaver when it
comes to relieving stress, letting go of the worry, and getting a good
night’s sleep. Don’t get discouraged if it takes many, many tries to get
zoned in on the heartbeat. With continued practice and the natural
progression of the pregnancy, this becomes much easier, and you’ll be a
pro.
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 WEEK TEN

Finally a Fetus

Week 10 is one of those huge landmarks within the first trimester. This
is the week that your embryo finally becomes a fetus. The elbows are
beginning to work, little teeth buds are forming below the gum line, and if
it’s a boy, the testes are starting to develop. This might be the week that
Mom begins to see some outward growth when it comes to the baby
bump. If you had your first doctor’s appointment on the early side, you
should probably think about checking in with your doctor, as prenatal test
results will be coming soon.

Family Goals
BUDGET SAVVY Set a budget for maternity clothes: As Mom
begins to sport her new bump, it may be time to start saving
for maternity clothes. Do a little online research first because
maternity jeans aren’t necessarily cheap. It might be a good
week to switch back to domestics and give the craft beers a
break to cover the spread. For those of you who are on your second or
third pregnancy, it might be time to get your ass into the basement or attic
to find that 30-gallon bin of clothes from the last go-round and crank up
your washer and dryer for an all-out laundry campaign.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH THREE WEEK TEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby has officially graduated from embryo to fetus.

All vital organs are in place.
Baby’s bones and cartilage are forming, along with knees and
ankles.
 Baby has a bulging forehead with a growing brain, fingernails,
and toenails.
MOM’S STATS

Her uterus has doubled in size—from a pear to a grapefruit.

This could be the week that the baby bump makes its
appearance.
A bigger bra and maternity clothes are in the future.
She might experience ligament pain in the abdomen as it
stretches to accommodate the baby.
Her mood swings are still in effect.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

You’ll most likely schedule your second appointment with

the doctor and review the results of the initial prenatal
testing. Typically, Mom’s weight, blood pressure, and urine
are also checked. Genetic blood testing (not necessarily
covered by insurance unless she’s high risk) could potentially
occur during this appointment if you’ve decided to have it
done.
The nuchal translucency scan (NT scan) tests for Down
syndrome or other chromosomal abnormalities.

BONDING TIME Wind down with Mom: Even though our

interests are different, my wife and I occasionally share
mutual affection for a series on Netflix or network TV. We
often try to have dinner on Sunday nights and binge-watch to
catch up. Before we had kids, we would eat dinner in the
bedroom, which was the perfect end to a stressful week and helped us
reset for the tough week that lay ahead.

DADDY DOULA Suggest a yoga class: With Mom’s ligament pains becoming
more and more prevalent in her abdomen, a prenatal yoga class might be
 just what the daddy ordered.

BROWNIE POINTS Take her shopping: As Mom’s uterus

continues to grow, so will her belly. Those skinny jeans and
tight tops aren’t going to cut it anymore. Suggest a lunch date
to go with her to try on some new stuff or encourage her to
reach out to a close friend who was recently pregnant herself
and borrow some gently used clothing stored away.
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 WEEK ELEVEN

Teeth and Bones

There may not be a lot to notice when it comes to Mom’s outward

appearance this week. Despite the fact that the baby is probably less than
the length of your thumb, Mom is beginning to gain a little bit of weight
here and there. Week 11 was always an exciting time for my wife and me.
We had already visited our doctor for the first prenatal visit and had the
first ultrasound. We always followed the 12-week rule: We didn’t tell
anyone outside our immediate family that she was pregnant until we hit
that third month. The percentage chance of miscarriage tends to drop
significantly when the first trimester comes to a close. My wife and I
experienced a miscarriage early in our first trimester in between babies
three and four. It was truly a devastating time for us. The bittersweet layer
that made it a little easier was knowing that so many of our friends had
sadly been through similar experiences to ours; realizing we didn’t “do
anything wrong” was extremely healing to us. The biggest thing that was
really important for us to take away from that loss was the idea of telling
some people earlier than 12 weeks. It’s important to tell people about your
pregnancy early if they’re the people you would call if a miscarriage were
to occur and you needed their help or support. During our miscarriage, we
had to tell our parents not only that we were pregnant but also that we
had miscarried at the same time, and it was a really horrible situation.
Hindsight is 20/20, though, and we learned from that and decided to clue
in those closest to us as soon as we got our first positive pregnancy test.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH THREE WEEK ELEVEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby is about 1½ inches long, weighs about a quarter ounce,

and its head is about half of its body size.
 Baby’s bones are hardening, its torso is lengthening, and its
hair follicles and fingernail and toenail beds are beginning to
develop.
Buds of teeth are forming under the gums.
Baby’s organs continue to develop and grow.
MOM’S STATS

Mom may have a baby bump on display right now.

Maternity clothes are beginning to make their debut.
Mom has likely gained one to five pounds.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Make sure that you’ve got that second prenatal appointment

set.

ON MISCARRIAGES

Given where we are in the time line of pregnancy, it bears

mentioning that miscarriages are unfortunately a common
occurrence. There are numerous factors that lead to miscarriages,
including age (over 35), lifestyle, diet, chronic conditions, and
medical emergencies such as an ectopic pregnancy. The loss of a
child at any age or developmental stage is devastating, so if it does
happen to you and your partner, stick together and be supportive
of one another. And please don’t let it affect you to the point that
you stop trying. The Resources section recommends some places
where you can go for support and grief counseling.

Because you’ve now hit the 11-week mark, this is as good a time as any
to start talking about how you’re going to announce the fact that you’re
pregnant. Whether you’re a first-timer or a repeat parent, this is an
exciting time for you and everyone in your social circles. Social media
(especially Facebook) has made it significantly easier to deliver big
announcements like this in an easy, sweeping fashion. You’ll be surprised
how much stress is relieved, as well as how many old friends come out of
the woodwork to share in your joy.

Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Discuss whom to tell among your
core people: This is probably the most difficult week to keep
your secret. Mom’s belly is starting to pop out, and most
couples try to wait until the end of the first trimester to begin
announcing the great news to family, friends, and the dreaded
Facebook. Discuss with your partner whom you think you should tell. I
know that in our case, there were certain people we felt should know
before they read about it on Twitter.

FUN PROJECTS Plan the reveal: Come up with creative ideas

on how to tell your family and close friends. Maybe you have
a good friend who is a photographer, or maybe you get a
referral, but this is a great week to hire someone for an hour
to do a baby bump photo shoot as a teaser photo for the
announcement. The photos can also be used in your private photo album.

BUDGET SAVVY Buy jeans extenders: As her belly begins to

grow, Mom-to-be will find it difficult to close her jeans
button. She’s outgrowing her normal clothes, but she’s not
exactly ready for maternity clothes. Before you blow the
budget on things you are not quite sure she will really need
when normal clothes are completely out of the question, buy her jeans
extenders so she can still use her regular jeans while you both keep that
maternity clothes budget intact. Bellabands are $25 bands that allow Mom
to wear her pants unzipped with a band around the waist so she can get
much more mileage out of them.
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 WEEK TWELVE

Reflexes

Your baby has doubled in size over the past few weeks, and the
development process is in full effect. Baby has started to make sucking
motions to prepare for eating and will most likely respond to external
stimuli, but it is still way too small for Mom to be able to feel anything.
Your partner is getting really close to the end of the first trimester, and
this pregnancy begins to feel real for both of you. Personally, I remember
this time during every pregnancy that we’ve shared together. My wife’s
bump was beginning to show, she was buying new maternity jeans (or
digging old ones out of the attic), and wearing flowy, loose shirts, and I
was carrying an air of pride everywhere we went.
There was a certain element of protectiveness and sensitivity that
began growing within me. I was going out of my way to open doors and
help my wife into our truck—things that I should normally be doing, but
for some reason this chivalrous feeling was reinvigorated within me. Hang
on. For most guys, this is where the journey really feels like it’s taking off!

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH THREE WEEK TWELVE

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is the size of a lime.

Baby’s intestines, eyes, and ears are in place.
Baby begins getting reflexes, although it is still too small for
Mom to notice movements.
Baby begins to respond to external stimuli.
MOM’S STATS

The top of the uterus is above the pelvic bones.

 She has potential discomfort lying on her stomach, as her
uterus presses on her abdomen.
She has occasional indigestion.
Mom’s moodiness and serious fatigue may begin to wane.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

See Week 10 as a reminder to make that important second-

trimester appointment.

Family Goals
FUN PROJECTS Plan your pregnancy announcement: If you
talked last week about the PR strategy for announcing your
pregnancy, take it to the next level. Research some photo
templates or the best way to get your finished product
printed and shipped. We also FaceTimed with parents,
siblings, and extended family, and we delivered the news in person or by e-
mail over a weekend to her employers. Once that was done, we felt
comfortable putting up a social media post that blanketed everyone else.

BONDING TIME Plan a trip: This is a superb time to begin

planning a trip together. Before long, it may be too difficult
for Mom to maneuver and instead of roasting your yams
walking around Colonial Williamsburg, she might enjoy
sitting poolside on a chaise lounge in Palm Springs. Not that
there’s anything wrong with historical vacations; it’s just that relaxing is a
whole lot better. Just make sure that you don’t plan any flights after Week
36. (I cover this again later in the book.)
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 WEEK THIRTEEN

Call It a Trimester

While Mom’s baby bump is only now beginning to become completely

undeniable, there have been other changes that aren’t so subtle. If you’ve
been tuned in to your partner, she’s gone through a fair number of
physical changes that, for a new mom on her first pregnancy who isn’t
expecting them, can be a tough pill to swallow. Headaches are a frequent
offender. The main reason for the influx of simple headaches or the more
complex migraine headaches (I get these and don’t wish them on even my
worst enemy) is pregnancy hormones.
You’re probably thinking, “Big deal. It’s a headache. Take something
and move on.” But most of the normal remedies out there are off-limits
and could potentially have negative effects on the fetus. And while she
may not have shared her tribulations with you, constipation is another big
issue as she closes out the first trimester. With her uterus expanding and
growing another human, it tends to act like a belligerent drunk pushing his
way to the bar to squeeze another drink in before Happy Hour officially
ends.
The other changes Mom is experiencing are emotional. It’s certainly
not uncommon to all of a sudden think your partner has gone off the deep
end. With all those raging hormones, her moods can swing like a
pendulum—one minute, you’re the sweetest hubby who ever existed and
the next, you’re the shittiest person on the face of the earth for not
putting the TV remote back where it belongs.

1ST TRIMESTER MONTH THREE WEEK THIRTEEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s head is now one-third the size of its body.

The head and body are beginning to become more
proportionate.
 Baby has fingerprints.
Girls have eggs in their ovaries.
MOM’S STATS

Mom most likely has a visible baby bump.

Her breasts have begun to produce colostrum.
The risk of a miscarriage has significantly decreased.
Her sex drive may increase.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

See Week 10 and make sure the second doctor’s

appointment is scheduled or has already happened.

Family Goals
DAD RD Make smaller meals: The best ways to help her
combat her constipation are to make smaller meals and to
helpfully suggest that she doesn’t gorge at mealtime.
Consider breaking three squares down to five or six smaller
meals throughout the day—grazing instead of trying to win a
competitive eating competition. Also, fluids. Water and juice tend to soften
stool, and with regular intake they should help alleviate having to set up a
temporary office in the loo.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Support emotional changes: Be

patient and understanding. After four pregnancies, I know
this shift in emotions is coming and often go out of my way
to keep things tidy and make it so there shouldn’t be much
that she can get upset about.

BONDING TIME Plan a date night: For many moms, as those pregnancy
hormones rage, her sex drive increases. Between the hormones and newly
formed curves and larger-than-life breasts, it’s not uncommon for her to
 feel like the sexual thermostat has been cranked up. Perhaps
now is a great time to plan a night out: Have dinner (no
gorging—maybe try a tapas joint) and see a movie. Follow it
up with giving her a foot rub at home and surprising her with
her favorite frozen ice cream—then see where this whole
thing goes . . .

DADDY DOULA Help her with the headaches: There are a few
simple ways to avoid the headache altogether. Make sure your
partner is eating regularly and reducing the stress in her life,
and help her make time to find a quiet and calm place to
relax. You’ll be surprised at how these little things can go a
long way.
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 THE FIRST-TRIMESTER CHECKLIST

HOME:
Discuss your living situation with your partner. Focus on
having your home ready for when the baby arrives.
Assume control of the household. The goal is to have
mom feel less stress and to take over the responsibility
over running the household.
Set a budget for maternity clothes.
Start researching your bigger baby purchases like car
seats, strollers, and video cameras.
Make sure your insurance covers life, disability,
homeowners or rental, auto, and any other special
coverage you may need
BABY:

Nutrition will be of the utmost importance. Although your

baby isn’t around yet, make sure mom is eating well and
getting enough nutritious foods.
Plan the announcement: figure out a fun way to
announce your new baby to your loved ones.
MOM:

Make sure she cuts smoking and alcohol, if it applies to

her.
Help her get onto a regular sleep cycle and a daily
exercise regimen.
Take her shopping for maternity clothes.
Plan a trip: the second trimester is the ideal time to go on
a trip before it becomes too difficult for her to travel, so
start planning now.
PRENATAL APPOINTMENTS:

Between four to eight weeks is the first visit for the

following:
Blood test
Ultrasound (for heartbeat)
Physical exam
Pelvic exam
Overview of prenatal care for the next eight months

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F or many women, the second trimester is by far the easiest—not that any
pregnancy stages are easy in reality. However, this period tends to find
Mom getting over a lot of her early pregnancy symptoms and getting her
appetite and energy back. The baby will be going through massive
developmental leaps, which we will cover. One of the most exciting
developments is that this trimester will reveal whether you’re having a boy
or a girl—that is, if you care to find out. My wife and I are planners and
have always felt the need to find out so that we have as much time as
possible to put together a nursery, buy clothes for the first three months,
and whittle down the ol’ name list. You may even entertain the idea of
doing a gender reveal.
Putting a nursery together is a great opportunity for the two of you to
work alongside one another and put your own creative spin on baby
headquarters. And while you’re out shopping for nursery furniture,
bedding, and accessories, you may as well go by somewhere like Target or
buybuy BABY and begin putting together a registry. We’ll talk about
creating a list of necessary items that will give family and friends an easy
opportunity to say congratulations and help you stock up on everything
you’ll need. Also, we’ll talk about when a good time would be for you and
your partner to discuss a birth plan and think about touring the hospital
nursery or birthing center.
There’s so much happening over the next 14 weeks between doctor’s
appointments and fulfilling your many to-do lists. You also can’t forget to
talk to your individual employers about whether they offer maternity or
even paternity leave. But no worries! Not only does part 2 go into more
depth about all of the aforementioned, as you saw at the end of the first
trimester, it includes a brief checklist that consolidates all of the
important landmarks and goals to work on.
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 CHAPTER FOUR

The Fourth Month

Month 4 marks the beginning of the second trimester, which for many
moms may be the most comfortable of all three. With any luck, a lot of the
nausea and dizziness and the constant need to urinate may subside (at
least temporarily). Mom’s appetite and energy levels are likely to rebound,
and even though her breasts have increased dramatically in size, they
probably won’t be as sore. Her belly will really begin looking less like she
ate a huge Thanksgiving dinner and more like she’s actually pregnant as
the baby bump becomes more prominent.
There’s a lot that we can do as future fathers throughout the entire
pregnancy, but this trimester especially holds a lot of opportunities for us
to do things, like establish a nursery, help Mom relax, and make a ton of
lists of items both of you will need at home (or for both of your diaper
bags) for when you finally bring the bambino home.
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 4-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
neck, lanugo

SIZE COMPARISON
slightly smaller than a baseball, dill pickle, light bulb

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 WEEK FOURTEEN

Making Faces

WEEK FIFTEEN

Baby Can Breathe

WEEK SIXTEEN

Getting Ready for a Growth Spurt

WEEK SEVENTEEN

A Little Baby Fat

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 WEEK FOURTEEN

Making Faces

Week 14 is a big deal! Your partner has made it over the first-trimester
hump (pun intended), hopefully with your love and support. Chances are
that in the last week or two you made the official announcement to your
friends and family, and the reactions are pouring in. It’s a wonderful
feeling—reconnecting with old friends and having them share their joy
with you—but be wary, Pandora’s box may have just been opened. Making
an announcement of this magnitude (especially if you’re a first-time
parent) always opens up the floodgates for opinions and criticism that are
not necessarily going to be welcome. Other parents (specifically moms)
will most likely come forward and offer advice on every situation, so be
wary of what you ask for when it comes to parenting on social media.
This week likely starts the first of the second-trimester appointments.
The doctor will continue to monitor urine, blood pressure, weight, and
fetal growth. Genetic testing may be an option and if she’s considered high
risk, insurance will generally assume the cost. Gender determination can
also be included in that same test. Will it be cinnamon spice and
everything nice or snips, snails, and puppy dog tails? Do you want to find
out or do you prefer a surprise?

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FOUR WEEK FOURTEEN

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is almost the size of a baseball.

Baby’s body is lengthening.
Baby has a neck, and its kidneys are functioning.
Fine hair, called “lanugo,” is developing on baby’s body.
MOM’S STATS
 Her uterus is continuing to expand.
Morning sickness is beginning to disappear, but acid reflux
may still worsen.
She has more discomfort in the abdominal region as baby
grows.
She may experience flatulence.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Second-trimester appointments begin now, usually

occurring every four weeks.

Hopefully, Mom is beginning to feel a little bit better and is getting

over that touch of morning sickness, but she may continue to experience
acid reflux. As a side note, you may want to hit the Army surplus store and
grab a gas mask because her flatulence will be on the rise. Personally, it’s
been tough for me not to comment on occasional fart explosions from the
other room over the years, and as much as I don’t care and think it’s funny
and par for the course, it’s a sensitive issue for most moms and something
they wish would never happen. Maybe keep the snickers to yourself. Or if
she shares your sense of humor, by all means come up with some sort of
rating system so you can yell, “Hon, that was a 7.5!” from upstairs.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Begin working on the nursery: In case you haven’t
taken notice, Mom might be tearing apart the house, washing,
drying, folding, and organizing and reorganizing the closets.
This is called “nesting,” and it rides shotgun with most
pregnancies. At the very least, you and your partner should be
talking about whether you’ll have to dismantle the home office or perhaps
turn the guest room into a nursery. This could take several weeks to
accomplish, so don’t wait until the last minute! While we’re discussing
this, keep in mind that Mom cannot and should not lift or push furniture
or big items. Not that you’re not already a gentleman, but you will need to
take over the heavy lifting from here on out, so to speak.

PLAN AHEAD Inform your employer about the pregnancy: If

you haven’t told your employer yet, it might be wise to stop
by or send an e-mail to HR, letting your company know about
your partner’s due date and the possibility that you might
need some occasional leeway to attend checkup
appointments with her physician. If your job is specialized, it would be a
good idea to have some helpful suggestions about how to keep things
afloat while you’re out of the office. Similarly, if Mom is working outside
the home, she will be having these conversations with her own employer.
Maternity and paternity leave is a very pivotal experience, and you and
your partner should not feel as though you can’t disconnect from your
professional lives and focus on your new job titles of mom and dad. Mom
should check to see what kind of maternity plan her company might offer
—or short-term disability might be an option in your state. In some cases,
companies will offer paternity leave for dads as well. It doesn’t hurt to ask;
otherwise, you can save up vacation time to get some much-needed
bonding time when the baby comes.
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 WEEK FIFTEEN

Baby Can Breathe

Mom might be able to feel the baby move this week, which is pretty
magical. This is also right around the time when you’ll be able to
determine the gender of the baby, whether it be via ultrasound or (if your
partner falls in that high-risk group of women 35 and older) genetic
testing.
Along with these two momentous milestones, pay close attention
whenever you see your partner set down any items of importance. For
instance, car keys, cell phone, phone charger, or water bottle. I say this
because one of the lesser-known side effects of having a baby is pregnancy
brain. This is the condition in which your partner may misplace or lose
stuff every five minutes. It’s a great time to find a place in common for as
many items as possible, whether it is a table when you first walk in the
door, a charging station and hook, or a bowl for keys and purse. Whether
or not she remembers to use such a place is the variable in this
experiment! I think that I’ve spent as many hours searching for car keys as
my wife has driven the car during each of her second trimesters.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FOUR WEEK FIFTEEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s lungs, though primitive, are functioning.

Baby’s legs are now longer than its arms.
Your baby’s taste buds have begun to develop.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s belly is getting bigger.

What may seem like a flutter, muscle spasm, or movement of
gas in the intestines could be fetal movement.
 She may experience very early Braxton Hicks contractions,
preparing her for childbirth.
Pregnancy brain begins to kick in—resulting in brain fuzz or
absentmindedness and possibly a bit of clumsiness.
Psychological stress may begin to creep in—healthy baby
fears. As mentioned back in Week 6, you need to stay alert for
signs of prenatal mood disorders and educate yourself on the
impact postpartum depression can have on new moms.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If you had a second prenatal appointment and insurance

didn’t cover genetic testing, you may be able to schedule an
ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby.

Family Goals
FUN PROJECTS Plan the gender announcement: Are you
finding out and telling people the sex of the baby? I have
three schools of thought on this one. First, if you and your
partner consider yourself fanatical planners like my wife and
I, you’ll want to know as soon as possible so you can begin
looking at colors of cribs, mobiles, curtains, and other nursery accessories.
Knowing the sex also helps friends and family get you started with a few
items before the baby comes. Second, you could wait to find out and have
that awesome moment when you come into the hospital waiting room,
firing off shots with your gun fingers in the air and telling everyone it’s a
boy or it’s a girl! Or third, you and your partner could find out and keep it a
secret from everyone until the delivery! We even know people who were
pregnant with twins who didn’t tell anyone until they met the babies. The
surprise was really incredible. Due to the riches of the Internet, there are
lots of ways to find inspiration for other options.

PRENATAL DIAGNOSTIC TESTS

 Prenatal diagnostic tests, which screen for birth defects or genetic
diseases, can be conducted in a few different ways. An ultrasound
can be done, as well as an alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) test or multiple
marker test, chorionic villus sampling (CVS), cystic fibrosis
screening, and amniocentesis. These are difficult moments while
you’re waiting for results, so it’s important that you continue to
encourage positive thinking between the two of you.

DADDY DOULA Check on weight gain: It’s not a bad idea to

check in with your partner about her weight gain and see if
she’s been advised by her doctor if she’s within a healthy
range.

DADDY DOULA Sign her up for a prenatal massage: A really

cool and fun surprise might be to sign your partner up for
one of these appointments. It shows that you care about
helping her to relax and de-stress and it will probably come
out of left field.

DADDY DOULA Talk about preemptively fighting the cold and

flu: Mom’s body is working double and triple overtime
expanding her uterus and growing a baby and placenta, and
this can take a toll on her immune system. Consult with your
doctor about whether getting a flu shot or taking probiotics is
in her best interest. And remember: Constant handwashing is a must.

PLAN AHEAD Discuss a birth plan: Does she prefer a water

birth at home? Is your partner planning on having a more
traditional natural birth in a hospital or birthing center?
What if there are complications and an emergency C-section
is required? You and your partner need to be on the same page
(along with your doctor) in the event she’s in too much pain to call the
shots in the delivery room. Explore each option, decide on one, and then
run through that birthing process—play devil’s advocate and suggest
scenarios in which you might need a plan B.
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 WEEK SIXTEEN

Getting Ready for a Growth Spurt

This little baby of yours is growing at an exponential rate. When I read

about pregnancy status and see my wife every night after work, I feel like
I’m watching Dustin take care of Dart on the second season of Stranger
Things (though my wife is way hotter than Dart).
In other words, your baby is getting bigger by the day and is probably
close to five inches long now. Its muscles are getting stronger, and Mom
shouldn’t be alarmed if she feels occasional movement. It can also begin
responding to external stimuli, Dad. Don’t be surprised if Mom can feel
the baby squirm if you poke her stomach.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Create a baby registry: For first-time parents,
creating a baby registry can be a huge help in filling the list of
things you’ll need once you get the baby home from the
hospital. My wife and I focused our energy on the big-ticket
items in hopes that our close friends and extended family
might be able to help us out here and there with the rest. Babies “R” Us
and even Amazon are great places to start. Look at ratings on things like
co-sleepers, car seats, cribs, and gliders. You certainly don’t need
everything that every list out there tells you to buy. And a little helpful
hint: If you’re planning to have more than one child, consider buying some
of the larger pieces in gender-neutral colors—that way you can use them
from child to child. We have pieces that my wife and I have used for all
four children. During this process, hand-me-downs are also a real lifesaver,
but keep in mind that certain items, such as car seats, have expiration
dates (who would have thought?!).

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FOUR WEEK SIXTEEN

 BABY’S STATS

Baby is holding its head more erect.

Baby is developing scalp patterns, but no hair yet.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s uterus continues to grow; it’s now the size of a

papaya.
She’s beginning to feel the baby move.
Her breasts are continuing to grow and may be tender
and/or swollen.
Braxton Hicks contractions are continuing.
Her appetite is likely normal or increased.
Her energy may be coming back. Her moods have stabilized.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Schedule an ultrasound appointment if necessary.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Talk about unsolicited advice: Now

that everyone knows you’re pregnant, the parenting
“information” or “advice” will be pouring in. You and your
partner might want to talk about how to deal with that info
tactfully and with grace when it’s received, while (behind the
scenes) picking out only what you need from that info.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Talk about belly touching: One

thing that I’ve noticed through four pregnancies is that
there’s always going to be “that person” who comes on way
too strong and wants to rub on that belly. So before you go
off half-cocked and knock out her coworker, Jim from
accounting, on a Saturday afternoon in the middle of Chipotle, you and
your partner should talk about her feelings toward this sort of thing and
the appropriate way to handle it. I know that my wife loved having people
touch her belly—she felt it was showing love to the baby and it made her
happy—but there are many women who feel the opposite. Some feel
invaded no matter who is doing the touching, and it is something to really
pay attention to because it’s very personal to each woman.

THE ESSENTIAL BABY REGISTRY LIST

Making a baby registry can be a daunting task, especially when

you have a million people in your ear telling you that “this is the
absolute best” or “never buy this piece of junk, it’s horrible!” My
wife and I used a three-pronged strategy to figure out which
product would work best for our lifestyle and situation. One, I start
with online research—many mom and dad bloggers have put
together somewhat unbiased lists that rate the necessities. Two,
while I’m around friends who are also parents to little ones, I pay
attention to some of the things they currently use and ask how
they like them, along with questioning the functionality. Three, we
take an afternoon or two to visit somewhere like Babies “R” Us,
which does a pretty good job of making things like car seats,
strollers, and cribs accessible as floor models so you can actually
see how they work. I’ve compiled a list of essentials, in no
particular order: items you should consider adding to your registry
in hopes that friends and family might congratulate you by
helping out with necessities for life with baby.

Infant car seat (preferably one that snaps in and out of a

car adaptor and directly into a coordinated stroller)
Stroller (with so many different models, you should get a
hands-on experience if possible)
Baby carrier (you should also test these out; moms and
dads might prefer different styles, as dads might be bigger
and broader)
Layette (aka a set of newborn clothing) that covers
months 0–3, 3–6, and 6–9. Aim to get the following for
each three-month stage:
 7 to 8 one-piece baby sleep-and-play outfits with
footsies and built-in hand covers (get ones that zip up in
the front for easy access, especially for those late-night
changes)
5 long-sleeve onesies and 5 short-sleeve onesies (get
them kimono style so you don’t have to worry about
messing with baby’s delicate head with regular onesies)
5 pull-up pants (leg warmers work just as well and you
don’t have to take them off when changing baby)
2 to 3 wearable blankets
4 breathable muslin blankets for swaddling and other
uses
2 hats
7 to 8 pairs of socks and booties
1 snowsuit (for the winter)
Crib, mattress, mattress cover, and crib sheets (consider a
three-in-one that ultimately converts into a toddler bed as
baby grows)
Baby monitor (a video monitor is imperative, potentially
one that connects to your smartphone)
Bottles, a breast pump if breastfeeding, and formula if not
breastfeeding
Bibs and burp cloths
Newborn-size disposable or cloth diapers and wipes
Diaper Genie (or some sort of system to contain those
many diapers you’re about to change)
Baby bathtub and toiletries
Baby first aid kit, rectal thermometer, and nail clippers
Baby bouncer
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 WEEK SEVENTEEN

A Little Baby Fat

Your baby is accumulating a ton of subcutaneous fat this week as it

continues to grow at a rapid rate. The baby is the size of a pomegranate,
and one of the coolest things that more than likely goes down this week is
they can begin to hear you.
So grab your tap shoes, top hat, cane, and whatever old theater props
you have left over from high school or college and warm up the living
room stage to offer some entertainment for this little developing mind. Or
if you’re like me, after your partner goes to sleep, you’ll be putting Bose
headphones over her stomach and shuffling stand-up routines from some
of your favorite comics through iTunes.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Sign up for childbirth classes: My wife and I
never got around to taking these, but I wish that we would
have. These classes will prepare you and your partner for
labor and birth with a series of lessons, discussions, and
exercises.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FOUR WEEK SEVENTEEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s bones are getting stronger as they harden from

cartilage.
Baby is beginning to develop sweat glands.
The umbilical cord is strengthening and thickening.
MOM’S STATS
 Mom’s belly continues to grow, and her center of gravity is
shifting, which may make her clumsier.
Pregnancy brain is in full effect.
Her blood flow is increasing, as are flows of other fluids in her
body. She may have the occasional bloody nose. She’s also
gaining weight more rapidly than before.
As her skin stretches, she may notice itching all over her
body. Lotion or coconut oil may be a helpful remedy. (I buy
my wife coconut oil because it doesn’t have a fragrance and
is natural.)
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If the first second-trimester appointment hasn’t happened

yet, then make an appointment this week.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Be patient with momnesia: Small

bouts of forgetfulness are common when she tries to find her
keys, phone, purse, shoes, and so forth.
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 CHAPTER FIVE

The Fifth Month

Mom’s belly is getting rounder and rounder, and even though you’re
already entering the fifth month, for some reason, it may just be beginning
to hit home that this is the real deal. She’ll begin to feel little flutters and
movement inside of her tummy, which is an emotionally comforting
feeling—she’s finally getting a constant reminder that there’s a baby on
the way.
Aside from doctor’s appointments every month to check on Mom’s
and baby’s health, you’ll also get to visit with the little one via an
ultrasound. Between the ultrasound and any genetic testing, you’ll have
the option to find out if it’s a boy or a girl!
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 5-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
genitals, ears, vernix on skin

SIZE COMPARISON
Belgian endive, paper airplane, Choco Taco

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 WEEK EIGHTEEN

Gender!

WEEK NINETEEN

Sensory Development

WEEK TWENTY

Halfway There

WEEK TWENTY-ONE

Kung Fu Fighting

WEEK TWENTY-TWO

A Very Tiny Baby

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 WEEK EIGHTEEN

Gender!

Up until the 1970s, when ultrasound equipment advanced and got

sharp enough to identify genitals, there really was no way to find out ahead
of time whether you and your partner were having a boy or a girl. There
were no fancy gender reveals—you simply trudged out to the waiting
room in your operating room scrubs and booties and hoped that a handful
of folks were still there to hug you, stick a cigar in your pocket, possibly
take a picture, visit Mom in recovery, and see the baby through the glass of
the nursery. With the advent of improved technology and social media,
many couples will either find out in the doctor’s office or have the
OB/GYN write it down in a sealed envelope to be revealed in some other
way.
My wife and I started off slowly: With our first baby, we found out in
the doctor’s office, and shared the news with our parents. With our
second, we got more creative and had our doctor write down the sex in a
sealed envelope, which we handed over to a baker, who had instructions to
make the cake with completely hidden pink or blue insides and thick white
fondant icing. We invited our family and friends over and found out
alongside them that we were having a boy. With our third, we had the
doctor write down the gender, and my wife and I shared a private meal
together and discovered the sex privately. We then planned a reveal for the
kids, family, and Internet crowd—stuffing colored balloons into a box and
opening it in a field. Most recently with pregnancy number four, we found
the company Poof There It Is! that designs CO2-powered chalk cannons
that you can twist, and footballs and golf balls that you can throw or hit,
that reveal the gender in a massive brightly colored cloud of powder. Any
way you cut it, Pinterest or Instagram will surely have the next trendy way
to make your announcement.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FIVE WEEK EIGHTEEN

 BABY’S STATS

Baby’s genitals may be noticeable, and girls will have

fallopian tubes.
Baby’s ears are now in place.
MOM’S STATS

She has continued uterine growth.

Mom’s blood pressure, blood volume, and heart rate are
changing—and could mean a drop in blood pressure.
She has an increase in appetite.
She has an increase in dizziness if she stands too quickly, and
flatulence and heartburn continue to be a problem.
Her energy is good and mood is stable, but increased stress
about the upcoming birth could be an issue.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

This is the week you’ll get results from the genetic testing if
you had that done a few weeks ago. The results will reveal any
significant birth defects, as well as gender (if you’re inclined
to know it).

Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Decide on the gender reveal: If
you’re receiving genetic testing results or your ultrasound
revealed the answer, this is the perfect time to finish that
conversation (before you get on the phone to hear the
results) about whether you and your partner want to be
informed about the gender and if you’re planning on sharing it and how.

DAD RD Stock up on her favorite snacks: With Mom’s appetite lit, keep that
pantry stacked with her favorite (somewhat healthy) snacks.
STRESS REDUCER Take her to the movies: The stress continues
to mount. Take your partner out to a movie to take her mind
off of things.
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 WEEK NINETEEN

Sensory Development

Your baby’s senses are in full development now within the brain, which
may also coincide with a growth spurt, so keep your eyes peeled for Mom
swiping food off of your plate when you get up to use the restroom. A little
bigger than a mango, your baby is also covered in something called vernix
caseosa, a substance similar to the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards slime,
except this slime is white. It’s a greasy substance that covers your baby’s
sensitive skin, protecting it from that long soak in the amniotic bath.
Don’t worry, unless premature, most babies lose this coating at birth—no
need to break out the pressure washer.
As the chance of leg cramps or hip pain increases, don’t be afraid if
your partner lets out a shriek in the middle of the night—she’s overcome
by the infamous charley horse. If you happen to wake up (and can talk
through your sleep apnea mask), advise her to point her toes upward, and
the stress should begin to relieve.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FIVE WEEK NINETEEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby is the size of a mango.

Sensory development is occurring in the brain.
Baby’s skin is developing a white, cheese-like coating (vernix
caseosa) to protect it as baby grows.
Baby’s arms and legs have evened out and are now
proportionate to baby’s body.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s expanding belly could be the cause of round

ligament pain (sharp pain in the hip area or abdomen).
 As the baby goes through a growth spurt, Mom’s appetite
may increase in the second trimester.
Mom may notice leg cramps or hip pain at night.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

It’s time to schedule the second appointment for the second

trimester.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Buy her a maternity pillow: Mom’s uterus is
continuing to expand and the baby is growing like mad, which
means it might be difficult for her to find a comfortable
sleeping position. If she’s hasn’t already purchased one (or
you didn’t pull the old one down from the attic), consider a
sleep aid for Mom (no, not chloroform) or perhaps a wedge or long pillow.
Personally, I’ve given up a decent percentage of our king bed to something
called the “Snoogle.” Go ahead, look it up. It may take some in-store
testing to determine if a circular or triangular wedge pillow or a flexible U-
shaped or L-shaped configuration is best.

BROWNIE POINTS Get your honorary masseuse license: Mom’s

legs and hips may be beginning to hurt; offer to lightly
massage them to relieve any cramping.
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 WEEK TWENTY

Halfway There

You’re at the midpoint of 40 weeks, basically halfway to the birth of your

child. The baby is roughly the length of a banana and the width of a small
artichoke. This is a big week for gender development. If it’s a girl, her
uterus is formed and her ovaries are holding about 7 million primitive eggs
(though this will drop significantly by birth), and her vaginal canal is
formed. If it’s a boy, his testicles have hopped in the car and are heading
down south toward the abdomen for spring break! Give it a few more
months, and they’ll officially stop sleeping in the car and move into the
scrotum (that’s still under construction). The UFC title match in Mom’s
belly that includes twisting, turning, cartwheels, and roundhouse kicks is
just starting to heat up—you may want to pull up a seat next to your
partner and get ready to do some consoling.

Family Goals
BONDING TIME Celebrate: A lot of couples don’t actually
realize that they’ve hit the midpoint of pregnancy because
they’re so focused on trimesters. This is a great opportunity
or excuse to go and grab dinner together. Celebrate! You’re
halfway (or less) to the finish line.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FIVE WEEK TWENTY

BABY’S STATS

Baby is almost 10 inches long—as long as a banana.

All baby’s organs are in place; they look like tiny versions of
full-size organs.
MOM’S STATS
 Mom’s uterus is now above her belly button, and her belly is
rounding.
Mom may be experiencing swelling, especially in her
extremities.
Her energy is good, and her heightened sex drive might be
continuing.
Her flatulence and heartburn continue to be issues.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Make sure that second-trimester appointment happened.

FUN PROJECTS Choose potential baby names: While you’re

out to dinner celebrating the halfway point, share your top
three boy or girl names with each other, and why they’re
important to you.
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 WEEK TWENTY-ONE

Kung Fu Fighting

Your baby is closing in on a foot in length and a pound in weight. The

good news is that hopefully Mom is not feeling as bad as she was during
that first trimester, and her appetite should be almost completely back to
normal. One thing to note is that the flavor of amniotic fluid varies from
day to day depending on what she’s eaten. So in theory, you’ve got a
decent chance of your baby liking things like carrots and whatever is on
your menu because they are swallowing this amniotic fluid not only for
hydration but for nutrition as well. Another thing to keep in mind is that
the baby’s arms and legs are now finally in proportion, so the punches and
kicks will be much more coordinated movements, rather than the herky-
jerky moves Mom has felt up until now.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FIVE WEEK TWENTY-ONE

BABY’S STATS

Your baby is as long as a carrot and as thick as an endive.

Baby’s eyebrows have grown in.
Females are developing a vagina.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s body has increased oil production, and progesterone

level is increasing.
Pressure on the bladder and legs is also increasing.
Complaints such as nausea, dizziness, and overall fatigue
have decreased or disappeared altogether.
Her mood is upbeat and energy is high.
 She could get varicose or spider veins.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Ask the doctor about preeclampsia, as this is a typical week

when symptoms might appear.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Help Mom steer clear of varicose veins: These
veins are common in the lower half of the body during
pregnancy as women produce an extra volume of blood.
Encourage her to keep her legs uncrossed while watching TV
at night, keep moving during the day, and maybe even sleep
on her left side when possible—this avoids putting pressure on the main
blood vessels and keeps circulation moving.

BROWNIE POINTS Go shoe shopping: Not for yourself, but for

Mom. She has more than likely given up the highest of her
high heels, and her new best friend is about to become flats.
It could be a great idea to find out what brand she likes (like
Tieks or Toms) and surprise her with a pair! (Note: You may
want to do some investigating, as some women will go up a half size
during pregnancy. Also, consider flats without laces because bending over
to tie shoes is a feat all its own.)
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 WEEK TWENTY-TWO

A Very Tiny Baby

Your baby is now a full one-pounder and a feisty one at that. Baby is
more than likely touching and grabbing the umbilical cord and is able to
notice things like loud music, sirens, and dogs barking, and may even be
light sensitive—if you put a flashlight up to Mommy’s belly, he or she may
turn away as a response. This little softball is only a week or two away
from being viable if born premature. Hopefully, you were able to find some
sort of sleep aid in the form of a pillow; Mom is going to need it.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Check Mom’s vitals: Ask your partner how
she’s feeling. Many women will have hot flashes or constantly
feel like they’re sweating. Cool showers, cold compresses, or
even snacking on frozen fruit may help bring the body
temperature down. My wife often feels dizzy during her
pregnancies, and often this is due to dehydration or possibly low blood
sugar. Remind your partner to keep up her water intake, as well as to keep
snacking throughout the day so she doesn’t pass out!

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH FIVE WEEK TWENTY-TWO

BABY’S STATS

Baby is the size of a papaya and a week or two away from

being viable should Mom go into premature labor.
Baby truly looks like a little skinny baby.
Baby’s pancreas has developed.
Baby’s irises are there, but are colorless.
 Baby will break the one-pound barrier this week!
MOM’S STATS

Mom is noticing baby moving throughout the day.

Mom’s belly is clearly a pregnant one at this point.
She may have pigment changes in her skin or a dark line
running up the middle of her belly.
She’ll experience an increase in discomfort as baby
continues to grow.
She may have difficulty finding a comfortable position for
sleeping.
Her poor sleep, heartburn, and flatulence may cause stress.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Follow up on the third second-trimester appointment.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Discuss breastfeeding with Mom

and what you can do to help: Is this something that she plans
on doing once the baby is born? If it’s something Mom wants
to do, encourage her to research nursing bras and styled
shirts that are easy to nurse with: She might want to start
wearing these a couple of weeks before going to the hospital to break them
in a bit. In addition, you might look into a portable breast pump that she’ll
be able to take with her while at work or on the road. Check with your
insurance, as a breast pump could be available free of charge!
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SIX

The Sixth Month

This month marks the end of the second trimester, which means that
you’re two-thirds of the way to meeting your baby for the first time. As the
baby continues to grow and get stronger, those arms and legs will be
flapping and kicking away, which means that they will make more of an
impact on the inside of the uterus, packing a heavier punch. The baby is
furiously gaining weight and beginning to add fat to its loose skin.
Mom should be resting whenever she can, continuing to eat healthy,
and getting plenty of water and fluids. The baby is eating and drinking
everything that Mom is, and Mom needs to keep that in mind as she moves
through her daily routine.
You should be kicking into high gear this month, continuing to help
with household responsibilities as much as possible—as Mom continues
to get bigger and bigger, it will become harder for her to do some of the
simple things she was accustomed to.
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 6-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
fat development

SIZE COMPARISON
G.I. Joe action figure, Pringles can

NOTES
opens eyes, sucks thumb, hiccups, recognizes sounds and voices

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 WEEK TWENTY-THREE

Packing on the Pounds

WEEK TWENTY-FOUR

Viability!

WEEK TWENTY-FIVE

Losing Wrinkles

WEEK TWENTY-SIX

The Descending Testicles

WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN

The End of the Second Trimester

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 WEEK TWENTY-THREE

Packing on the Pounds

The second trimester to me always felt like the garbage time at the end
of a football game, with teams going through the motions to run out the
clock and the winning team celebrating the inevitable. Most of the baby’s
essential parts are fully developed and moving forward; it’s a big job to
keep packing on the pounds. Your baby is about the size of a grapefruit
wearing a suit of saggy skin that will soon be filled out. Skin grows quicker
than the baby can stuff it with fat, but that will change over the next few
weeks.
Mom’s mood is probably pretty good, although the two of you have a
lot of planning (and executing) to do before the delivery date. Now is the
perfect time to think about items that you’ll need for a diaper bag. My wife
ditched her small purse and went to a bigger, trendy designer bag that
doubled as both her purse and diaper bag.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH SIX WEEK TWENTY-THREE

BABY’S STATS

Blood vessels in baby’s lungs are developing as it prepares to

breathe outside the womb.
Baby is adding fat.
MOM’S STATS

Baby is pushing Mom’s liver upward and her belly is growing

outward.
Mom may notice a bit of water retention and swelling in her
feet and/or legs.
Mom’s mood is even and upbeat even though she is
struggling with the physical discomforts associated with this
 stage of pregnancy.
Her appetite is hearty.
Eating smaller amounts at each sitting can help alleviate the
continuing flatulence, bloating, and heartburn.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Absent special concerns, the third second-trimester

appointment will be more of the same.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Shopping for baby essentials: Although Mom has
probably already begun collecting items necessary for the
nursery, now is a perfect time to double-check your birth
registry list and check off the remaining boxes. Divvy up the
list by concentrating on the stuff you are most interested in.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to volunteer to research the techy
stuff, such as the baby monitor/camera, music, white-noise machine, and
night-light, and now is a great time to do it. Mom may prefer to focus more
on the crib (will you get a three-in-one transitional crib?), the bedding,
and the comfort factor of a glider or rocking nursing chair. Note: You may
want to make your second, follow-up trip to finalize exactly what you like.

PLAN AHEAD Buy a diaper bag: While Mom is picking out her
own diaper bag, you may want to consider getting your own
messenger-style diaper bag. Or if you’re anything like me,
look for a backpack designed especially for dads (there are a
bunch out there now) with a military or more rugged feel to
them—such as Madpax, Jack Spade, or Diaper Dude. During our first
pregnancy, my guy friends surprised me with a dad’s diaper bag (a camo
messenger bag). But then I switched over to a backpack for our second
child and never looked back. It’s all about personal preference and
ultimately the functionality that works for you.
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 WEEK TWENTY-FOUR

Viability!

Breathe easy: This is a huge week mentally for you and Mom. You’ve
achieved that viability marker. Half to three-fourths of all babies born this
week survive, and with each passing day, the survival rate increases. This is
significant because it helps lessen the load of stress on you and, most
importantly, on Mom. If your baby was born this week, it would have a
face that looked like a face, with eyelashes, eyebrows, hair, and every other
fully developed part.
The baby is still accumulating baby fat and strengthening those organs,
bones, and muscle. If you’re wondering whether your baby will be a
blonde, brunette, or redhead, you can keep guessing—the hair pigment
isn’t there yet.
Mom is continuing to experience all the good stuff: lower back pain,
trouble sleeping, heartburn, whoopee cushion-caliber flatulence (beware
of the Dutch oven at night), and the unfortunate swelling of the limbs.
Encourage your partner to kick her feet up and rest whenever possible,
stay hydrated, and continue her healthy eating habits.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH SIX WEEK TWENTY-FOUR

BABY’S STATS

Baby is the length of an ear of corn, about one foot long.

Baby’s lungs are formed, and baby is now strong enough that
it has a 50 to 75 percent chance of surviving outside the
womb.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s uterus is now the size of a soccer ball.

 She may have back pain, difficulty sleeping, heartburn,
flatulence, and swelling.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Check with your doctor about when a test for gestational

diabetes (aka pregnancy diabetes) should be scheduled. This
is also referred to as a “glucose test” and the results can
usually be determined during the scheduled visit. (My wife
tells me the test is kind of like drinking an extra-strong batch
of Crush soda but having your blood checked before and
after.)

GESTATIONAL DIABETES

One of the tests or screenings that Mom may have to endure (if
basic urine screenings reveal high sugar content) is the glucose
test for gestational diabetes. She drinks a thick, sugary liquid and
is given a blood test. If the test reveals that she has gestational
diabetes, she’ll have to work with her doctor to determine how out
of whack her glucose levels might be and find a diet that helps
maintain a balance. Dad can help by keeping Mom on track with
what she’s eating and taking that into consideration while
preparing meals.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Pack your hospital bags: These bags will be
lifesavers and are 100 percent necessary to have packed in the
event that the baby comes before you were expecting it!

DADDY DOULA Learn the signs of pre-labor: The baby

suddenly drops, your partner has her water break, she
experiences severe signs of lower back pain or contractions,
and she has diarrhea/nausea or bloody vaginal discharge. If
you see these signs, it’s time to put on your game face, call
your doctor, and grab that bag that you (hopefully) packed for the
hospital.

HOSPITAL BAG CHECKLIST

I’ve experienced a few different hospitals, and the setup is

generally the same. Once Mom is moved to recovery, there will be
a pull-out sofa or a cot for Dad to sleep in. It’s generally no-frills,
and you may want to consider packing comfort items in your bags.
Many of these rooms have their own shower, and it’ll feel good
after a long night to rinse off before heading down to the cafeteria
to grab a meal. Here are a few essentials (the contents of her bags
and mine were similar).

A few days’ worth of extra-comfortable clothes

(sweatpants, hoodies—Mom needs to bring tops that keep
her breasts easily accessible for nursing and also, in case of
a C-section, loose-fitting pants that don’t fit low across her
incision)
Water bottles
GoPro or video recording equipment and chargers
Laptop or tablet with downloaded movies or a TV series
Kindle or book
Phone chargers
Dopp kit (hygiene items you would take on any overnight
trip)
Sleeping pad (for Dad—a blow-up camping pad may feel
better than the worn cot mattress springs)
Feminine pads (for Mom—the hospital will generally
supply Mom with more than enough, but it can never hurt
to have extra)
“Mom underwear” (Sorry guys, don’t expect to be seeing
her in a thong too soon, and say hello to full-coverage
undies: It’s a necessity both for comfort and to hold the
feminine pads that are larger than your newborn’s
diapers.)

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 WEEK TWENTY-FIVE

Losing Wrinkles

Your baby weighs around 1½ pounds and measures almost 13 inches long
—not quite Shaq’s basketball sneaker but getting there. It’s roughly the
size of an acorn squash, or if you’re sick of taking a tour through produce,
a small chuck roast.
The baby continues to gain weight and is filling its body with fat.
Capillaries are forming under the skin and filling with blood—at the end of
this week, air sacs lined with capillaries will also develop in your baby’s
lungs, getting them ready for their first breath of air. Keep in mind, they
won’t be able to completely function on their own—they still need a bit
more maturing. Mom is trudging along, and the same things that have
taxed her over the last few weeks continue to persist.

Family Goals
DAD RD Experiment with tapas: At this point in the pregnancy,
it might be difficult for Mom to eat big meals. If you’re
making dinner, consider making a small sampling of a few
different items—maybe even including sautéed spinach to
give her that important iron that she might need.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH SIX WEEK TWENTY-FIVE

BABY’S STATS

Baby is adding fat and filling out.

Baby’s hair begins to pigment.
Baby’s skin is dewrinkling.
MOM’S STATS
 Mom’s growing uterus is putting pressure on the vessels
leading to her lower extremities, which is causing swelling,
particularly in warm weather.
Discomfort and trouble sleeping can continue to be an issue.
This is a great week to add iron to her diet if she’s anemic—
check with the doctor.
Small meals can alleviate heartburn.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If the third second-trimester appointment has occurred,

check on the test for iron-deficiency anemia, particularly if
she’s feeling run down or tired.
If you haven’t already discussed a birth center, hospital, or
birth plan with your doctor, this is a great time.

PLAN AHEAD Revisit and finalize a birth plan: Assuming that

you and your partner have already determined your birth
plan, this would be a great time to revisit and refresh,
including whether an epidural might be necessary and at
what time. Also, begin researching an official doula, a birth
companion aside from you, who helps provide physical, mental, and
emotional support throughout the pregnancy and postpartum. Her role
isn’t to replace you as a husband or partner but rather to work in tandem
with you to make this time as easy as possible for your partner. Also, make
sure to look at your budget and see if this is financially feasible.
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 WEEK TWENTY-SIX

The Descending Testicles

If you’re having a boy, this is the week that testicles are descending into
the now fully formed scrotum. Your baby is almost two pounds now, the
size of an average chuck roast, and is close to 14 inches long. After several
weeks of having its eyelids fused together to allow the retina to develop,
your baby’s eyes are beginning to open. The iris (the colored part of the
eye) doesn’t have pigmentation yet, but it will soon.
My wife begins experiencing heartburn really early in her pregnancies,
and if heartburn hasn’t reared its head already, it can probably be expected
any day. It gives her a strong esophageal burning feeling along with the
sensation that she can’t catch her breath. This symptom, along with the
growing discomfort of her expanding stomach, can contribute to a lack of
sleep and an irritable disposition.

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH SIX WEEK TWENTY-SIX

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s senses are developing.

Baby’s lungs are continuing to strengthen.
Baby weighs around two pounds and can open its eyes.
If it’s a boy, the testicles are descending.
MOM’S STATS

As Mom’s belly continues to swell, her center of gravity has

shifted and is causing issues with sleeping and overall
discomfort.
Her physical discomfort and a lack of sleep can be making
Mom irritable.
 Braxton Hicks contractions are continuing as she prepares
for birth.
Her heartburn is worsening.
Her clumsiness continues, especially when getting up after
being seated for a long time.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

The second-trimester appointments continue as scheduled.

Family Goals
STRESS REDUCER Schedule a third-trimester pregnancy
massage: To alleviate some of that stress and physical
discomfort that’s sure to increase as your partner prepares
for the homestretch, scheduling a pregnancy massage (with
enough notice to cancel without penalty) for your partner
might be a swell idea to put her mind (and body) at ease.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Read up on Braxton Hicks

contractions: These are known as prodromal labor or
“practice contractions.” These contractions are essentially a
feeling of false labor that can start as early as Week 6 and
continue well into the second and third trimesters. Talk to
your partner about how she feels, and see if there’s any way you can make
her feel more comfortable when they arise.
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 WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN

The End of the Second Trimester

Getting through the second trimester is an exciting time: You’re two-

thirds of the way into this journey together. Considering all the baby stats,
this hasn’t been the easiest trimester for Mom. Your baby is definitely
displaying distinct baby qualities, including its insane sense of taste. It can
differentiate between the taste of amniotic fluid and other things that
Mom is eating. In fact, your baby has more taste buds now than it will have
at birth and beyond. Many moms notice distinct reactions from baby when
eating specific foods.
My wife has a penchant for spicy foods, and there’s little or no chance
that I’m standing in between her and that jar of sliced jalapeños in our
refrigerator. However, that doesn’t mean that I won’t remind her of the
aftereffects. In her first three pregnancies, she experienced several restless
nights of the baby kicking and experiencing the hiccups, trying to shake
the aftertaste of her 10,000-Scoville dinner.
There might be a few other things that pop up (or out) around this
time, including her belly button. If your partner had a piercing, it’s no
problem to keep it in—unless it begins to poke through the shirts she’s
wearing or tends to get caught on her wardrobe. If that is the case, simply
take the jewelry out and reinsert it every few days to make sure the hole
doesn’t close. Look into belly button covers that are used to keep that bad
boy at bay.
And if the stretching has gotten to the point where she’s complaining
about a constantly itchy tummy, ditch the lotion and go for something
thicker such as coconut oil—this is what my wife uses (I also give it a spin
on my own stomach after Thanksgiving dinner)—or any kind of shea or
belly butter. Any of these should calm the itch down right away!

2ND TRIMESTER MONTH SIX WEEK TWENTY-SEVEN

 BABY’S STATS

Your baby is starting to do very baby-like things that include

opening and closing its eyes, napping, sucking on its fingers,
getting the hiccups, tugging on its ears, and beginning to
recognize voices.
MOM’S STATS

She has to take frequent trips to the bathroom due to

pressure.
Her clumsiness and brain fog continue.
Her physical discomfort from leg cramps, back pain, and
other issues causes irritability.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Continue second-trimester appointments as scheduled.

Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Book a doula (or not): If that’s the
road you’re thinking about, it’s probably time for an interview
and meet and greet. You may also want to ask other moms or
parents in your area what type of compensation a doula
might be looking for.

DAD RD Monitor rest and nutrition goals: Has your partner

been keeping a journal of her sleep activity and meals? It’s
never too late to begin keeping track of this stuff; in fact,
there are apps that can do some of the heavy lifting for you.
Sprout is a great option for moms and the fatherhood
community The Life of Dad has rolled out an “Expecting” page and app for
their website, written by men, for men.
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 THE SECOND-TRIMESTER CHECKLIST

HOME:
Begin working on the nursery.
Create a baby registry with your partner (see here for The
Essential Baby registry List).
BABY:

Sign up for childbirth and Lamaze classes.

Plan the gender reveal with your partner
Share some baby names that you like with your partner.
MOM:
Buy a maternity pillow and flat shoes to help your partner
be comfortable and feel cared for.
At this point in the pregnancy it will be tough for Mom to
eat large meals. Focus on cooking her smaller samplings
of a few different items.
Discuss breastfeeding with your partner and the baby’s
doctor.
PRENATAL APPOINTMENTS:

Between 18 and 20 weeks, fetal ultrasound will reveal

gender and allow the doctor to examine baby’s major
developments.
Around 24 weeks, glucose screening test
HOSPITAL:

Discuss the birth plan with your partner.

Start packing your hospital bags. It’s never too early to be
ready.
 Talk with your partner about whether you want to hire a
doula or not. If you do, begin gathering referrals and
interviewing potential candidates.

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OceanofPDF.com
D ude. You’re in the final stretch! You’re two-thirds of the way there and
almost to the finish line. The third trimester starts off on a very positive
note. Baby’s viability increases to close to 100 percent if born prematurely.
This takes a lot of stress off both parents, but especially Mom.
Mom is feeling more and more discomfort as the days go by. The baby
is growing at an exponential rate inside the uterus, stretching Mom and
her tummy to the limit. Everything will eventually become difficult for her
as we creep toward the delivery date.
Baby is filling out its saggy skin and gaining the fat it will need to live
outside the womb. It will also be punching, kicking, turning, and churning
like it’s in an all-out street brawl in Mom’s belly.
This trimester is a key opportunity for Dad to step up and tie the bow
on all of those loose-end projects that need to be completed before the
baby comes home. Putting together a crib, moving furniture, painting the
nursery (Mom can’t be around the fumes), and hopefully continuing to
escort Mom to her doctor’s appointments can really show her how much
you care about being a partner and a player during this pregnancy, instead
of just watching from the bench.
We’ll talk about interviewing pediatricians and finalizing a birth plan
together with your partner. And if you ever thought about taking
childbirth classes, this is also a great thing to do as a couple. Don’t forget,
finding and installing a car seat is something you won’t want to wait until
the last minute to do, and there’s a certain art behind putting together a
his-and-hers hospital bag. Buckle up for the final few laps, because you’re
about to become a father!
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER SEVEN

The Seventh Month

Six months down and only three to go! This is the beginning of the third
trimester, and things are about to get hot and heavy. When I say heavy, I
mean that this trimester is all about the baby finishing up development of
bones and organs and adding much-needed fat to survive. This growth
only begins to crowd Mom’s uterus, and those basic daily tasks begin to
become much more difficult.
This month is important for many reasons, but mainly because if your
baby was born prematurely, it would have a 96 percent survival rate, which
is a wonderful piece of information.
Your baby is developing its brain and is finally able to turn its head.
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 7-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
forehead, bone marrow/development of red cells

SIZE COMPARISON
pineapple, a roller skate, bottle of whisky

NOTES
smiles, kicks, punches, moves head side to side, flips, experiences REM sleep,
and dreams

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 WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT

A Jump in Viability

WEEK TWENTY-NINE

Smiling on the Inside

WEEK THIRTY

Your Little Cabbage

WEEK THIRTY-ONE

Head Turning

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 WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT

A Jump in Viability

Babies born at 28 weeks have an incredible 96 percent survival rate. It’s

still ideal that they reach full term, but this is just a great statistic to have
at this point. The baby is more than likely moving into a head-down
position to get ready for birth. Despite this good news, Mom is having a lot
of discomfort these days, with the size and weight of the baby causing
back pain and pressing on the sciatic nerve.
I always playfully referred to my wife as “the director” as she went into
the third trimester. I didn’t want her lifting any heavy items or climbing up
on 10-foot ladders to change lightbulbs. I always insisted that she relax
and make herself comfortable, and I’d take over on the projects that still
needed attention.
If your baby area or nursery isn’t complete, now is a great time for the
both of you to pick out paint samples, order or hang a mobile, assemble
the crib, and look into possibly getting a nursing chair for the corner—
something that is able to rock or sway back and forth. This helps not only
with nursing but also if it’s Dad’s turn to feed the baby or rock the baby
back to sleep at 3 a.m. so Mom can catch up on some much-needed rest.
For my wife and me, this was an important purchase, one that we
wanted to buy gender neutral so we could use it for all of our babies. Eight
years later we are glad we splurged and bought the Little Castle glider. It
has held up really well and will even be able to be passed down to our
grandchildren someday.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH SEVEN WEEK TWENTY-EIGHT

BABY’S STATS

Baby weighs about 2¼ pounds and is the size of a small

eggplant.
 Baby’s lungs are maturing.
Baby is hopefully moving into the head-down position,
preparing to be born in a few short months.
Baby’s brain is developing rapidly by growing neurons.
This is a huge week, as baby’s chance of surviving outside the
womb if born premature is now 96 percent.
MOM’S STATS

Her internal organs are becoming squished.

Baby’s increased movements mean that Mom is feeling kicks
and wiggles more frequently.
She’s likely experiencing frequent backaches and sciatic pain
as the baby begins to press on the sciatic nerve.
She may have shortness of breath as baby presses up into
her lungs.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Third-trimester appointments now shift to every two weeks

instead of every four. If your doctor hasn’t mentioned it
before, they may recommend STD testing, as some STDs can
cause complications at birth. If Rh testing was negative, the
doctor will begin immunoglobulin injections.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Help Mom relieve sciatica: There are several
stretches that can help relieve pressure on the sciatic nerve.
The table stretch and pigeon pose are two great ways to ease
the pain.
PLAN AHEAD Take another look at your lists: Have you filled all the basic
needs for your nursery? For your diaper bags? Your hospital
bag? Have you gone to Babies “R” Us or buybuy BABY and
tested out car seats that will snap into all of your cars as well
as a stroller to make your lives so much easier while running
errands or traveling? The fancy-schmancy jogging strollers
are great—we’ve had about five different brands from Bumbleride to
Quinny—but in the first couple of months you need a Snap’n Go or a
similar stroller so you don’t have to remove the baby from his or her seat
every time you get in and out of the vehicle. These strollers are literally
just frames that the car seat snaps into. One of these makes your life much
easier, and besides, who wants to wake a sleeping baby?
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 WEEK TWENTY-NINE

Smiling on the Inside

The baby is continuing to grow and gain weight and at this point is
probably 15 to 16 inches long and around 2½ to 3 pounds. It is beginning to
experience REM sleep during its sleeping cycles. Because the baby is
growing so quickly, it’s beginning to get cramped in there, and instead of
forceful kicks or punches, Mom will probably begin to feel softer blows
that are more like jabs and pokes instead. The other wonderful surprise
that might happen around this time is a dampening of the breasts. Mom’s
body is producing prolactin, which can cause the release of colostrum
from the nipples.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Interview a pediatrician: Crowdsource or ask
friends with kids for referrals to local pediatricians. You can
do a lot of research online, but most pediatricians will take a
few minutes to sit down with you and your partner and
discuss their practice to see if it aligns with your beliefs.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH SEVEN WEEK TWENTY-NINE

BABY’S STATS

Baby has started smiling and is the size of a butternut squash.

Baby is entering episodes of REM sleep and possibly
dreaming.
Baby’s bones are mineralizing (hardening).
The forehead is bulging with a growing brain.
 Baby’s current weight is going to double, triple, and more
over the next three months.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s body is producing more prolactin in anticipation of

lactation.
Her belly is growing larger and rounder.
Her fundal height may be as much as four inches above the
naval.
Her urination has gone from frequent to all the time.
Her grace in movement has gone out the window.
Colostrum may begin to release from her breasts.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Mom is having doctor’s appointments every two weeks now

that we’re in the third trimester, so she should have one this
week. See Week 28 for details.

DADDY DOULA Help Mom find the bathroom: With the uterus
getting filled up, the baby is constantly pressing on Mom’s
bladder, so she’ll be urinating early, often, and always. I’m
always helping my wife scout for the nearest bathroom when
we jump from errand to errand on a Saturday or try a
restaurant for the first time. This isn’t the best time to get stuck in a long
line somewhere or underestimate the duration of a gentle weekend nature
walk—unless Mom is comfortable dropping trou in public.

DADDY DOULA Carry backup clothing: It’s always a solid idea

to have a backup shirt, sweater, or jacket within reach. It
might even be a good idea for your partner to look into
having breast pads handy to avoid a potentially awkward
shopping situation. There’s nothing like walking around
Target with two wet spots in conspicuous locations!
 BONDING TIME Enroll in childbirth classes: I’ve mentioned
this once before, and it’s not too late to look into taking a few
classes before the big day. Again, this is something you can do
together and something that will bring you closer in the
process. Lamaze, childcare 101, and baby CPR are great
alternative classes as well.
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 WEEK THIRTY

Your Little Cabbage

Your baby is about 16 inches long and close to three pounds at this
point. Its brain is rapidly forming, including all of those grooves and
creases that will provide much-needed room to expand as baby makes the
jump from helpless newborn to responsive infant to verbal toddler to out-
of-control preschooler (I’ve got one of those) and beyond (two of those!).
Your baby’s brain is taking on different tasks now as well. For the past
several weeks, your baby has been covered in fine, silk-like hairs (lanugo)
that helped keep it warm. But now the baby’s brain is able to do that, so
that lanugo is slowly disappearing, and at birth it will most likely be gone.
Mom’s ligaments are relaxing in preparation for the baby’s birth, and
the size of the baby and uterus are causing all kinds of discomfort. Her feet
are widening too, but take it from me, don’t be too quick to call her
“sasquatch foot” unless you want to get kicked into next week. Instead,
rub those beasts while you’re sitting together on the sofa watching a newly
released romcom.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH SEVEN WEEK THIRTY

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s brain is getting wrinkled.

Baby’s hands are now fully developed
Baby is grasping things.
Fat cells are regulating body temperature, so lanugo is
disappearing.
Baby’s bone marrow is now making red blood cells.
MOM’S STATS
 Her ligaments are beginning to relax.
The urge to pee is constant.
Her breasts have increased in size, and the discomfort
continues.
Mom’s lack of sleep causes exhaustion. Essential oils like
lavender might be great in an oil diffuser, but you’ll need to
consult with a holistic expert to make sure you’re using
something that isn’t harmful for the developing baby.
Doctors will recommend that Mom limit the amount of tea
that she’s consuming, so that may not be an option.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Your second third-trimester appointment may be

happening. Mom might be screened for staph, which could
be passed to the baby through breastfeeding. A “kick count”
test may be done to determine baby’s health. Another
potential ultrasound could be scheduled.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Help Mom feel good on her feet: If you
managed to avoid making playful jokes about your partner’s
feet and are still alive, ask her if she’s happy with the shoes
she has—they could be a major factor in keeping her toes and
arches less sore. If not, take her out for a second round of
shoe shopping—in case the ones she bought earlier aren’t doing the trick
anymore!

HOME CEO Home safety/babyproofing: If you haven’t done

any research on what it takes to babyproof your house, take
some of your downtime and start making a list. Tour your
apartment or house and see what you can initially spot with
common sense, like open electricity outlets, household
cleaners below the sink, and your hidden weapons (à la Dwight Schrute on
The Office). Then, compare your list to a professional list and realize that
there are so many more hazards that can be eliminated before baby comes
home.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Begin talking about a fourth-

trimester plan: Sleep is extremely important for both parents
once the baby is born, and it’s never too early to begin talking
about how the two of you will manage that process. Who will
get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? If Mom is
breastfeeding and pumping, will Dad do this? If Dad works full time, will
he handle weekend nights while Mom covers weekdays? Without at least
four to six hours of uninterrupted sleep, both of you will be useless. If
neither parent can sacrifice losing sleep or uphold tag-team duties,
perhaps you should look into hiring a night nurse or doula to help with the
first few weeks.
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 WEEK THIRTY-ONE

Head Turning

Even though your baby is rapidly approaching birth length and weighs
about three pounds, it has another three to five pounds to gain before it
makes its debut. Your baby is making a trillion brain connections and
already processing information, tracking light, and perceiving signals from
all five senses. It is also sleeping a lot longer these days, getting that
valuable REM sleep, and Mom can definitely begin to tell the waking hours
from the sleeping hours.
Mom is feeling all of those consistent discomforts, and the Braxton
Hicks contractions are increasing day by day. Only she can learn and tell
the difference between what might be a Braxton Hicks contraction and the
we’re having a baby version, so you’ve got to stay on your toes and listen to
her instincts. Sciatic pain is fairly normal. It happens when the baby is
punching, kicking, or resting on the sciatic nerve—which will cause a
shooting pain from the back down through the legs.
Restless legs syndrome is less common (affecting maybe 15 percent of
pregnant women), but it is still a real pain in the rear for those who
experience it, especially at night when Mom is trying to sleep.
Acupuncture, yoga, and meditation seem to quell the creeping burning and
tingling feeling that overtakes the legs and ruins a good night of sleep.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH SEVEN WEEK THIRTY-ONE

BABY’S STATS

Baby weighs close to 3½ pounds and is the size of a coconut.

Baby is now kicking, flipping, hiccuping, and punching the
uterus.
Baby’s body fat is increasing.
 Baby can move its head side to side.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s Braxton Hicks contractions increase in frequency and

intensity.
Mom can really feel baby moving, and this can even wake
her up at night.
Mom’s discomforts continue.
Mom may realize when baby is napping and want to nap at
the same time.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

See Week 30.

Another top-shelf dilemma is “lightning crotch.” I’ll give you a minute

while you clean up that spit-take of whatever you were drinking and right
yourself. Lightning crotch is real. It’s not a Funny or Die parody video
(yet); it’s actually a vicious pain that many doctors can offer theories on
but can’t quite explain. It’s an occasional, intense shooting pain that sends
a burst of pain deep into the pelvis or vagina—described by some women
as a sharp jabbing or electric shock. Some doctors have considered that
this sudden stinging, burning feeling could be attributed to the baby
pressing on the nerve that leads to the cervix, but it’s impossible to
pinpoint. So if your partner drops to her knees and shrieks in horror in the
middle of a Sunday-morning church sermon and you pick her up from
between the pews, just remember that she may not need an exorcism.
With the baby coming shortly, it’s not a bad idea to start banking meals
while you still have the energy and ambition. When Jen and I had our first
two kids, we lived in an apartment in Los Angeles. We didn’t have much
space for anything, let alone a second refrigerator or deep freezer in the
garage (part of why we moved back east). If we had had one of those
available, I may have considered this option. If you’re a first-time parent,
you can only rely on what other people who have gone through this have
told you. I’d like to join the pile-on by telling you that once the baby is
born, any little tip like this will pay dividends tenfold.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Meal preparation: Make a batch of homemade
lasagna and divvy it up into portions, drop it into gallon-size
freezer bags, and date it. Or take locally harvested basil and
make pesto that you can freeze for serving later with pasta.
Frozen meals will be a comfort for those days when you just
can’t see straight—meals made from scratch that will take only minutes to
bring back to life.

BROWNIE POINTS Buy a push gift: I’m not certain when the
“push gift” became a thing. I just know that all of a sudden,
when my wife was entering her third trimester with our
daughter, people began to ask, “What are you getting her as a
gift?” My initial reply was “Isn’t the baby the gift?” And I
haven’t bothered to eat my shoe since. It’s never a bad idea to pick up a
special piece of sentimental jewelry that Mom can emotionally attach to.
This time around, not as a “push gift” but just as a surprise, I got my wife a
silver necklace on Etsy that had four little chicks on it—one for each of
our kids—and she said that it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought her.
Another time, I managed to obtain a copy of our unborn baby’s heartbeat
from the Doppler as a JPEG file and had it made into a silver piece of
jewelry. Birthstones and initial jewelry are other great options.
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER EIGHT

The Eighth Month

With only one more month to go after this, you and your partner are
either loving every minute of it or are somewhat weary of the past several
months. Either way, this beautiful bundle of joy is coming soon!
It’s imperative that Mom get as much rest as possible this month, and
high time that you run through the trimester checklists to make sure that
you don’t get caught with your pants down—that’s what got you here! If
you’re behind on prepping your house for the baby and locking down all of
the accessories that come along with being a new parent, you’ll need to
kick it into high gear these remaining weeks.
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 8-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
opaque skin, skull

SIZE COMPARISON
Nerf football, a size 12 men’s shoe

NOTES
inhales and exhales, responds to pain, positions downward

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 WEEK THIRTY-TWO

Fully Developed Organs

WEEK THIRTY-THREE

Flexible Skull

WEEK THIRTY-FOUR

Vernix

WEEK THIRTY-FIVE

A Big Milestone

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 WEEK THIRTY-TWO

Fully Developed Organs

This week, all of your baby’s organs are completely developed, with
the lungs still inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid as baby prepares to
breathe on its own. Baby is continuing to gain fat—like you and I from
November through January—and its skin is finally opaque. The baby is
almost 3½ to 4 pounds and as big as 15 to 17 inches.
Mom is feeling bigger and bigger. Sleep is coming in spurts, and that
makes it difficult to keep an even mood and concentrate on anything.
Make sure that your partner is continuing to eat small, nourishing meals
and sleep with her head elevated—a way to counter heartburn.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Keep her moods and feet elevated: Encourage
Mom to elevate her head at night and utilize the wedge or
sleeping pillow to get her legs into a position that’s
comfortable enough for her to get some rest.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH EIGHT WEEK THIRTY-TWO

BABY’S STATS

Baby weighs around four pounds and is the size of a

spaghetti squash.
Every organ is developed except the lungs.
Baby is working on inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid.
Baby’s skin is finally opaque.
MOM’S STATS
 Her fundal height may be between 12½ and 13½ inches, and
the belly is getting bigger.
Her belly button may start to resemble an outie.
Baby may be dropping lower, putting more pressure on the
bladder.
The Braxton Hicks contractions continue to strengthen.
Breast leakage and vaginal discharge are possible.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Stay up-to-date on third-trimester test results. If she was

tested for staph, these results should be available. They will
factor into the decision on whether she’ll be able to
breastfeed.

PLAN AHEAD Finalize the birth plan: It’s finally time to pull
the trigger on a definitive birth plan that you can share with
your doctor and their team. If Mom is too overwhelmed in
the delivery room, you (and possibly her doula) are her
biggest advocate and spokesperson. You need to be prepared
to help guide the doctor into following your birth plan and be able to
speak up with confidence if there are complications and you need to
deviate. The one thing having children will teach you is that nothing
happens on time—and rarely, if ever, according to plan. Be flexible and
have a backup plan, but stick to your guns if you and your partner feel
strongly about something. This is also a good time to discuss if you and
your partner want to opt for cord blood banking.
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 WEEK THIRTY-THREE

Flexible Skull

Your baby is gaining about half a pound a week and is doing a lot of
preparation for life outside the womb. The consistent intake of amniotic
fluid is preparing its digestive system for feeding. The skull isn’t fully fused
yet, and there’s a reason for this. The baby will need this flexibility in order
to get through the birth canal. The area in which the skull isn’t fully fused
is known as the “fontanel” but is more commonly referred to as the “soft
spot.”
Mom is in the final stretches of what has been a long journey. She’s
tired, uncomfortable, and can’t stop talking about getting this baby out of
her belly. She’s hungry all the time but has trouble eating because of the
heartburn and discomfort.
While labor and childbirth are still a few weeks away, it’s important
that Mom familiarize herself with the difference between urine leakage
and amniotic fluid leakage. Urine is most often yellow (you probably knew
this) and has a faint or pungent smell of ammonia, while amniotic fluid is
pale and clear and has a sweeter smell. I’ve only been privy to
encountering amniotic fluid once, and it was late at night during our
second pregnancy with Charlie. My wife’s water had broken in bed and
while it didn’t wake me up at first—my wife’s punching me in the back did
—she told me that it almost made the sound of a water balloon being
popped softly. She was never sure if it actually made a sound that I could
hear or if she could hear it inside her own body, but she certainly felt it as
it happened. That’s when I flew into panic mode . . . but I’ll save that for a
bit later in the book.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH EIGHT WEEK THIRTY-THREE

BABY’S STATS

Baby is gaining about half a pound a week.

 Baby is likely in a head-down position and dropping to the
lower pelvis.
Baby’s skull isn’t fully fused yet, as it needs that flexibility as it
passes through the birth canal. This is why babies are born
with a “soft spot,” also known as the “fontanel.”
MOM’S STATS

The top of Mom’s uterus is about five inches above her pubic
bones right now, and her belly is round and large.
She may be carrying the baby lower.
She’s most likely tired and irritable, mainly because of the
discomfort, which is normal from now until the birth.
She’s most likely not sleeping well.
Mom may often feel hungry because so many nutrients are
going to the baby; but it may be difficult for her to eat
because eating often causes discomfort and heartburn.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

See Week 30.

Confirm that you’re registered with the hospital or birthing
center.

Family Goals
DAD RD Make her something easy to eat: It might be tough for
Mom to stomach a lot of meals, whether because of nausea or
smell. In order to combat this, I came up with a protein
smoothie that gave my wife the nutrients that both she and
the baby needed.
PLAN AHEAD Tour the hospital or birthing center: My wife and I toured
each of the hospitals that she gave birth in. Almost all
hospitals and birthing centers offer parents the opportunity
to come in and walk through the labor and delivery units and
postpartum recovery rooms. You can become familiar with
the sights and sounds of the hospital, and it’s definitely not a
bad idea to do a dry run. This helps you get an idea of where the
emergency room is, where to park, whether you’ll need to stop and grab a
parking ticket (instead of gunning it through the guard gates like a wild
first-time dad on a rampage), and what constitutes the general layout of
the facility and its rules and processes so you can share that information
with your family, in-laws, and friends.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Discuss who you want at the

hospital and in the delivery room: My wife and I are of the
mind-set “the more the merrier” in the hospital waiting room
and for visitors during postpartum care in the hospital. We
think of this as our baby’s very first birthday party. We invite
all of our families and very close friends to be there. But as much as we
wanted everyone with us to celebrate our baby’s arrival, we didn’t want
anyone else in the delivery room. That was for us, a private moment to
share together, and each couple needs to make these decisions on their
own. That said, some couples decide that they want their mothers and
mothers-in-law (or other special family members such as godparents) to
be present for the delivery. This is an important conversation to have as a
couple to make sure you are on the same page about expectations for
privacy. Additionally, all hospitals have guidelines about the number of
people allowed in delivery rooms, and some have rules about the number
of people at any given time who can visit during postpartum. (Also, it
never hurts to bribe your nurses—a dozen donuts here, a bucket of candy
there—and you can pretty much sweet-talk your way into being the
favorite patient in the wing.)
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 WEEK THIRTY-FOUR

Vernix

Your baby is 17 to 18 inches long and almost five pounds this week. For
Mom, it’s almost like carrying around a bag of granulated sugar with limbs.
If it’s a boy, those testicles have almost completed their rappel from the
abdomen down into the scrotum. Keep in mind, about 3 to 4 percent of
boys are born without descended testicles. Don’t sweat it; in most cases,
they drop before the boy’s first birthday. And if they don’t, again there’s
nothing to worry about. Trust me, I’ve gone through this. Just consult your
pediatrician, and they’ll refer you to a specialist.
Another cool thing that happened is your baby’s fingernails have finally
reached the tips of its fingers. It’s always good to add buying a fingernail
clipper (unless you’re old-school and use baby nail scissors) to your to-do
checklist. They make them with safety guards in the event that you get a
little ambitious and clip them too short. A word of advice: Clip or trim
them while baby is sleeping; it might end up being a little less aggressive of
a situation.
Mom is hanging in there. As I mentioned previously, think about
carrying around a sack of sugar in your stomach and issue sympathy
accordingly. Mom’s uterus is anywhere from 500 to 1,000 times bigger
than when we started this journey. She hasn’t been able to see below her
waist in weeks and has to lie on her back just to make sure that her shoes
are on the right feet. She’s stressed out, as many moms are leading up to
the delivery. She’s most likely full of anxiety about what will happen in the
next few weeks since women have been sharing their birth stories with her
ever since the two of you announced the pregnancy. That stuff gets inside
of your head. Do everything you can to make her comfortable and relieve
the stress.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH EIGHT WEEK THIRTY-FOUR

BABY’S STATS
 Baby is about five pounds and the size of a cantaloupe. Its
head is likely down and dropping toward the pelvis.
Baby’s fingernails reach the fingertips now.
Baby’s lungs are in the final week of development.
If it’s a boy, the testicles have fully descended.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s uterus is taking up significant room and causing

discomfort.
She may be experiencing some anxiety related to the whole
idea of childbirth.
She’s tired and urinating a lot.
Increased urinary output may have Mom feeling tired of
drinking fluids, but the reality is that she needs to stay
hydrated.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Do at least one dry run to the hospital to make sure you know
the route and alternate routes. The weekend before a
planned C-section for our second child’s birth, a major
highway system closure in Los Angeles caused a traffic jam
that became known as “Carmageddon.” Almost nothing
about having children happens on your schedule, so it wasn’t
really a surprise when my wife’s water broke that Sunday and
we found ourselves taking back roads to get to the hospital,
which took us twice as long.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Be the waterboy: Much like my old friend the original
waterboy, Bobby Boucher Jr. (played by Adam Sandler), would say, “No,
 no, you people are drinking the wrong water.” Forget about
caffeinated drinks or anything with artificial coloring or
flavors. H2O is where it’s at. Mom needs to drink her water,
and a lot of it. Maybe you could cruise Amazon Prime for a
new water bottle in her favorite color for a surprise. S’well and CamelBak
make great options!

PLAN AHEAD Install your car seat: Back in the day, you used to
be able to pull into a fire station and have a firefighter install
your seat for you, but alas, I believe those days are over. It’s
going to take some time to figure out how to do the install.
Consult your vehicle handbook for the approved process, and
pull up some YouTube videos on installing your particular brand, just to be
extra sure.
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 WEEK THIRTY-FIVE

A Big Milestone

This week is huge. Your baby has lungs that are now fully developed. If born
now, baby has a good chance of breathing on their own, which is amazing! The
kidneys and liver are fully developed, as are all other organs. Baby is about 18
inches and a little over five pounds. The rest of the ride is spent gaining a bit
of weight and building up that big old brain. If it hasn’t happened already, the
baby is likely flipping head down to get ready for delivery.
If the baby hasn’t made the move south yet, Mom may have moments in
which she’s short of breath. Her Braxton Hicks contractions are continuing to
make an appearance and it’s very easy to mistake them for the real deal. She’s
most likely tired from going through normal daily motions, and it’s time (if
you haven’t done so already) for Dad to step up and take care of business
around the house. I’m somewhat obsessive, but I like to try and stay one step
ahead of my wife. I take a few minutes to remove the 40 decorative pillows
(don’t get me started) from our bed, fill up her essential oil diffuser (with
pregnancy-safe oils, check on that!), and make sure she has water on deck
before she even gets into the room. And I don’t do it just on Thursday,
Sunday, and Monday nights when football is on . . . wink, wink. But if I can
manage to get the kids in bed and my wife settled so that I can watch a few
snaps uninterrupted, am I going to hell? No, and you won’t either.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH EIGHT WEEK THIRTY-FIVE

BABY’S STATS

Baby is the size of a small Nerf football.

Baby’s lungs are fully developed.
Baby’s kidneys and liver, as well as all other organs, are fully
developed.
Baby is just putting on weight.
MOM’S STATS
 If the baby hasn’t dropped yet, it’s putting a lot of pressure on
Mom’s lungs, which may lead to shortness of breath.
If the baby is dropping, Mom will notice some relief of those
symptoms, but on the flip side, the baby is now pressing more
exclusively on the bladder.
Her Braxton Hicks contractions are increasing in frequency, and
it’s easy to mistake them for the real thing.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

This is the last week of appointments being every two weeks;

baby can come at any time now.

CHEAT SHEET: STAGES OF LABOR

First Stage: Contractions begin that cause progressive changes to

the cervix. This stage ends when the cervix is fully dilated. There’s
early labor (the cervix gradually effaces and dilates) and active labor
(cervix dilates more rapidly, and contractions are longer, stronger,
and closer together).

Second Stage: Mom is fully dilated and crowning happens as Mom

pushes. This stage ends with the birth of the baby.

Third Stage: Baby is born. This stage ends with the delivery of the
placenta.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Take over around the house: Whatever daily
household maintenance you can get to before she does is a win.
Whether it is taking the pets out to go to the bathroom, making
dinner or cleaning up the kitchen, or getting laundry going, do
what you can so Mom can kick her feet up and get that much-
needed rest.
 PLAN AHEAD Pack a bag: Dude, this is a final warning. Our second a
babies came early, and I had procrastinated. I ended up throwing
my bag together as my wife was cleaning amniotic fluid off of our
duvet (don’t ask). Let’s just say that my hospital wardrobe was a
combination of wrinkled dress shirts and swim trunks. This is a
warning: Don’t be like me.

PLAN AHEAD Labor and delivery plan: We’re not talking about a
birth plan—you should’ve already nailed that and be on the same
page with your partner and the doctor. I’m talking about who is
going to feed the fish and turn on a few lights at night so that you
don’t get robbed.
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER NINE

The Ninth Month

It’s been a long road, but you’re finally here. This is the month that
everyone’s been waiting for . . . unless of course, you don’t deliver until
month 10, in which case hang in there!
Mom is most likely tired, uncomfortable in every position, and can’t
wait to sleep on her stomach and see her feet and her vagina once again.
Baby is continuing to gain weight and hopefully getting into a position to
be born.
This month seems like it takes forever to go by, but you’ll be able to
keep yourself busy with last-minute preparations to the nursery and
apartment, or house, and with finishing up projects at work in the event
you need to rush to the hospital at any given moment. There will most
likely be no shortage of family and friends reaching out to you to get your
address, ask which hospital you’ll be at, and share any other details that
pop into their heads. Don’t get so caught up with everything on the
periphery that you don’t take some time to enjoy quiet time with your
partner and the moment that is bringing a new smiling face into this
world!
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 9-MONTH FETUS
NEW GEAR
vocal cords, fully developed lungs, kidneys, intestines, rapid brain development

SIZE COMPARISON
watermelon, large movie popcorn, chihuahua

NOTES
hears, blinks, grasps

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 WEEK THIRTY-SIX

In the Homestretch

WEEK THIRTY-SEVEN

Early Term

WEEK THIRTY-EIGHT

Ready to Meet You

WEEK THIRTY-NINE

Any Day Now

WEEK FORTY

Finally!

WEEKS FORTY-ONE to FORTY-TWO

Will There Ever Be a Baby?

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 WEEK THIRTY-SIX

In the Homestretch

Your baby is weighing in around six pounds and probably measuring 18

to 19 inches in length. Congratulations, you’re in the homestretch. For
those of you who have ever smoked a brisket using the traditional method
—choosing your wood carefully, checking in on and monitoring the
process, maintaining that steady heat for hours and hours on end—that
process is not that far from what you are experiencing right now. Caring
for and showing that brisket some tender loving care, then taking it off the
smoker and letting it rest is like watching your baby being born and seeing
them fall asleep on their mother’s chest. There’s such a comfort and joy
that overwhelms you.
Okay, okay . . . maybe I’ve pushed my analogies to an uncomfortably
meaty level, but I’m about to have a fourth child—and it’s the simple
things that commandeer my emotions, people. The circulatory and
musculoskeletal systems are ready to rock. The digestive system is ready,
too, but it hasn’t gotten a workout yet. But hang onto your butts—literally.
It’s coming.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEK THIRTY-SIX

BABY’S STATS

Baby is fully developed and continues to gain weight.

Baby is the size of a head of romaine lettuce.
Baby’s movements in the womb are more subtle now.
Baby’s cheeks are filling out.
Baby is forming meconium from swallowing amniotic fluid.
MOM’S STATS
 Hormones are loosening Mom’s connective tissue in
preparation for delivery.
Lightening (the baby dropping lower) may still be happening.
She has swelling in her lower extremities, back pain, and poor
sleep that can cause irritability.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Appointments are now down to once a week. The doctor will

be checking the position of the baby and the height of the
uterus, and continuing to monitor urine, weight, and blood
pressure. Mom may need an ultrasound to determine the
position of the baby. If your schedule allows, it would be ideal
if you could make these weekly visits.

AIR TRAVEL

According to most experts, it’s perfectly safe to fly during

pregnancy—even up to 36 weeks. However, once Mom has hit the
36-week mark, most doctors do not recommend air travel. In fact,
most airlines do not allow women to travel via airplane at that
stage of pregnancy. If air travel is absolutely necessary, you’ll need
a doctor’s note to board the plane.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Let her kick her feet up: Continue with the
practice of staying one step ahead of her at home by pulling
as many duties as you can. You have no idea how much of a
relief it will be for your partner.

DADDY DOULA Naptime for Mom: Do whatever you can to encourage Mom
to get rest when she can, even if it’s at the expense of missing friendly get-
togethers or work-related events. Those people will understand. And if
they don’t, they probably haven’t gone through this process themselves.
OceanofPDF.com
 WEEK THIRTY-SEVEN

Early Term

The exciting news this week is that if your baby is born, he will be
considered either “at term” or “full term” and is no longer premature.
Note: Only about 5 percent of babies arrive on their actual due date and
about 6.4 percent are born at 37 weeks. This is more likely with multiples.
The baby continues to gain weight at around a half pound per week, and
the average fetus weighs around 6½ pounds, although weight does vary
from fetus to fetus as it does from newborn to newborn. Fat continues to
accumulate, and the baby is still inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid and
flipping from side to side in the womb.
Mom could experience a surge of energy as you come close to birth,
and if you haven’t been paying attention around the house, there’s most
likely been some nesting going on. It’s a natural instinct to want to
organize and clean things up around you and offer the best possible
scenario for your baby to enter the world.
Does this mean that it might be a pain in the ass from time to time?
Yes. Will you find yourself mumbling curse words on occasion as you
move furniture around the house as if it’s a game of musical chairs on
steroids? Yes. Will you don a fake smile and wave excitedly to your partner
from the front yard as you power wash the siding on the house while
missing the Masters Tournament? Of course, but smile and work on your
gratitude. Bringing a child into this world is one of the most amazing
things you’ll ever do in your life.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEK THIRTY-SEVEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby is growing, plumping up, and dropping in the uterus.

Baby is at term, so there aren’t many changes this week.
 MOM’S STATS

Because baby is dropping, her pelvic pain and urge to pee

are prevalent.
Mom may notice stretch marks.
Nesting is in full effect.
Because the baby is so close to delivery, Mom may
experience a surge of energy leading up to the event.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Appointments are weekly and standard. See Week 36.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Review the action plan: This is it. This is go time.
Everyone is on high alert. This isn’t the time to accidentally
leave your cell phone in a friend’s car. If you’re worried about
that happening, swallow your pride, take one for the team,
and get a fancy hip clip holster. Stay in daily contact with
everyone who’s included in your emergency plan. Keep in touch, even if
it’s just a quick update on how Mom is feeling.

DAD RD Be the meal warden: Encourage your partner, as

difficult as it may be, to eat small meals or snacks at various
times throughout the day. The nutrition will keep her
strength up and also continue to bulk up that little baby
you’ve got coming.
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 WEEK THIRTY-EIGHT

Ready to Meet You

Your baby is now clocking in at seven pounds and measuring near the
20-inch mark. Even though there could potentially be another two weeks
(four at the max) in utero, your baby is ready to hit the ground running,
which means crying. It is still in the process of shedding the vernix, the
greasy white substance that protects its skin. Everything else is ready to
go; baby is simply gaining weight and allowing the wisdom of Mother
Nature to decide when it’s time.
Mom is experiencing the baby dropping into the pelvis, and her cervix
may be softening and may have even begun dilating at this point. Her
appetite probably isn’t the best—it’s difficult to eat any kind of large meal
because there’s no space to put it! Healthy protein shakes or bars are an
excellent choice. The baby is taking up so much room that it almost
becomes frustrating. Mom is continuing to have feelings of anxiety and
hope about having a successful delivery and moving on to the next step—
bringing baby home.
Unless you have a scheduled C-section, it’s always a gamble when
Mom decides to begin her maternity leave. If it’s a natural birth, most
couples want to get that extra week of work and pay logged to help them
out financially; however, you don’t want to compromise the front end of
your birth plan, which is getting to the hospital in the safest and least
stressful way possible. You’re rolling the dice on this one, and the
barometer should be how Mom feels about her body.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEK THIRTY-EIGHT

BABY’S STATS

Baby is fully developed and continues to add weight.

Baby weighs about 7½ pounds and is almost as long as a
football.
 Baby’s toenails now reach the end of the toes.
Baby’s vocal cords are fully developed.
MOM’S STATS

Baby is continuing to drop in the pelvis, and Mom’s cervix is

softening and dilating.
Her nesting continues.
Anywhere you go, Mom has already scoped out the
bathroom.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

There are appointments every week. If the baby is breech,

the doctor will have already scheduled or is in the process of
scheduling a C-section.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Start maternity leave: Obviously, everyone at
Mom’s work knows that she’s almost done with this
pregnancy, and if she’s still working, she may want to consult
with her employer and consider taking maternity leave now
so she can rest at home and relieve some worry that she
might go into labor on the job.

PLAN AHEAD Request paternity leave: If you’re lucky enough

to work for a company that offers this, you’ll have to plan
carefully, as you’ll want to take advantage of every day
available to you. Hopefully, your employer will be in tune
with your situation and be comfortable if you’ve got to run
out in the middle of the day. An even better scenario is if her mother or
another family member is able to spend time with Mom in the week or two
leading up to the due date so you can save your paternity leave dates for
the postpartum trenches. Note: C-sections are a lot easier to plan for, as
you have a relatively set date for delivery.

WHEN A C-SECTION IS NECESSARY

A C-section birth is the surgical delivery of an infant through

incisions made in the mother’s abdomen and uterus. There are
many reasons that a C-section might be necessary, but one of the
most common is when the baby is in a breech position. Breech
position is when the baby fails to maneuver its head toward the
birth canal and instead, sits in an upright position. Recovery times
are extended for a C-section, and your hospital stay will be a bit
longer. A C-section will also result in a more complex healing
process.

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 WEEK THIRTY-NINE

Any Day Now

Your baby weighs in at between seven and eight pounds, measures

between 19 and 21 inches, and has essentially stopped growing until
delivery. The brain development hasn’t stopped, and that continues for
the first few years. The old skin is sloughing off, and new skin is taking its
place. Baby is no longer pink in color but rather a white or whitish-gray
that will ultimately change its pigmentation upon arrival.
Mom may be frustrated by now, wishing that the baby would finally
come. The anxiety of the unknown is there, as well as the discomfort that
ultimately causes irritability. Now is a great time to work on finishing up
your to-do list, including the nursery, hospital bag, and cleaning and
organizing around the house.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Promote self-care: Mom needs to take care of
herself during this critical time. Warm baths are a great thing,
as well as plenty of rest and continuing to eat small meals.
Mom should keep her feet up and not do too much in the way
of household maintenance or work. Encourage Mom to read a
new book or catch up on Netflix.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEK THIRTY-NINE

BABY’S STATS

Baby is close to birth weight and forming new skin as old skin
sloughs off.
Baby probably weighs between seven and eight pounds and
is continuing to fill out.
 Baby is the size of a mini-watermelon and full term.
MOM’S STATS

Baby’s position may pinch nerves and, as a result, cause more

occurrences of that wonderful lightning crotch.
All her previous discomforts continue. With the baby
continuing to grow, sleep will be tough, eating will be a chore,
and moving around doing day-to-day activities will be slow
going.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

The weekly check-in appointments continue.

PREGNANCY EMPATHY 101 Be on call: If the baby hasn’t arrived

yet, Mom is most likely mentally exhausted and physically
unable to do much of anything. It kind of feels as if you’re
both sitting around . . . waiting. The best thing you can do is
to ensure that she’s comfortable and has everything she
needs without having to go out of her way.
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 WEEK FORTY

Finally!

Congratulations, you’ve reached the end of your pregnancy! Your baby

weighs between six and nine pounds and measures between 19 and 22
inches, though healthy babies clock in anywhere on either end of that
spectrum. About 30 percent of all babies are born during this week, but
yours may want to stay in a bit longer, which is totally fine. Your
practitioner most likely won’t allow Mom to go over 42 weeks.
Mom is absolutely huge and ready for this to happen. Her cervix is
softening and starting to dilate. She’s most likely experiencing discomfort
and is excited, terrified, nervous, sleep deprived, and anything else that
you can think of. She could really use your support in every way possible—
physical, mental, and emotional.

Family Goals
DADDY DOULA Be the rock: Provide reassurance to your
partner that you’re going to be with her 100 percent of the
way. You’re the point person—you’re the contact for anyone
involved in your birth plan, anyone visiting from out of town,
and those who couldn’t make it and want updates or
FaceTime chats to wish Mom well. Arm yourself with parking information
at the hospital, the floor number, and the recovery room that you’re in.
People will need this information to send food or flowers . . . Hopefully, no
strip-o-grams.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEK FORTY

BABY’S STATS

Baby is at whatever the birth weight will be. The doctor can
guess, but more than likely you won’t know until they put the
 baby on the scale.
MOM’S STATS

Baby has dropped and is in position for birth.

Mom’s cervix continues to soften and dilate.
Mom is probably uncomfortable, excited, terrified, nervous,
and sleep deprived. She is also anxious about beginning her
life as a mom.
Mom won’t be getting her period for several more weeks.
If it’s go time for Mom, keep in mind that she will deliver not
only a baby but also the placenta (often referred to as the
second birth).
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

The weekly appointments continue; the doctor may discuss

inducing labor.

HOME CEO One final cleanup: If the baby hasn’t arrived yet
and you’re both sitting around waiting, it might be a good
time to clean the apartment or house one final time before
you bring the baby home. There’s nothing worse than coming
home from the hospital with a new baby and finding a mess.

DAD RD Induce labor through food: You can also score

brownie points with this one. Almost every city across the
country has a fabled restaurant . . . You know, that place
where women are rumored to go into labor from eating a
specific dish. In the San Fernando Valley, it’s known as Caioti
Pizza Cafe, and “The Salad” is rumored to kick women’s bodies into labor
within 24 hours. Be the hero and check out some local blogs to see if there
is a rumored place where you can take your partner.
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 WEEKS FORTY-ONE to FORTY-TWO

Will There Ever Be a Baby?

Your baby is coming; don’t fret. Around 15 to 20 percent of babies are

born in weeks 41 and 42, and if not, the doctor will normally induce labor
or talk to you about the C-section option. The baby is full-term and
continues developing its brain functions.
All of our babies were born prior to 40 weeks, so I don’t necessarily
know the mental struggle that couples endure at this point. I can only
equate it to how I felt during weeks 36, 37, and 38. As a husband and father,
I had a lot of anxiety. I wasn’t sure when I was going to “get the call” and
treated my cell phone like it was the Holy Grail. I would continue to check
and make sure I had 100 percent battery life, that I was always in zones
with three and four bars, and if anyone called me “just to chat,” I hurried
my conversation and got off the call almost immediately. I didn’t care
about how Steve got hammered at the bar, forgot where he parked, and
had to take an Uber to work. I was laser focused on one thing.

3RD TRIMESTER MONTH NINE WEEKS FORTY-ONE to FORTY-TWO

BABY’S STATS

About 16 percent of babies are born in Week 41 and another 1

percent during Week 42.
Baby isn’t considered post-term until 42 weeks, and the
doctor will more than likely induce or deliver via C-section
before that time comes.
Baby is full-term and continues to add fat.
MOM’S STATS

The Week 40 changes are still in effect.

 She might be having difficulty wrapping her head around
missing the due date, which could create a bit of a letdown.
Her anxiety is running full tilt.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Weekly appointments are still happening, and induction or

C-section are being discussed.

Family Goals
PLAN AHEAD Keep your hospital bags handy: As we got to this
point in the pregnancy, I always took my hospital bag with me
to work and brought it home every night. It lived by the front
door, just in case.

PLAN AHEAD Talk through your classes: If you happened to

take Lamaze or other childbirth classes, take 15 minutes each
night to practice breathing with your partner. This will help
keep the techniques fresh in both of your minds.

DADDY DOULA Take care of Dad: Self-care is still of the utmost

importance. Take a moment to meditate or go on a quick run
to keep you sane.
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 THE THIRD-TRIMESTER CHECKLIST

HOME:
Babyproof your home.
Install the car seat.
Make sure that you have your hospital bag with you at all
times. Make sure your partner’s bag is packed and by the
front door or accessible at all times.
Help your partner write out thank-you cards for baby
gifts.
Start making meals that you can store in the freezer.
BABY:

Talk with your partner about what you are looking for in a
pediatrician. Gather referrals, research online, and
interview potential candidates.
Enroll in childcare and infant/child CPR classes.
Practice what you learn in the classes with your partner. It
will help you keep the techniques fresh in both of your
minds.
MOM:

Practice what you learned at childbirth and Lamaze

classes.
Establish a sleep plan with Mom for when the baby
comes and how you and your partner will manage
nighttime feedings and changings.
Consider giving a sentimental push gift for your partner.
PRENATAL APPOINTMENTS:

Checkup appointments will be every two weeks starting

at Week 28 and then switch to once a week starting at
 Week 36 until labor.
Mom will be tested for Group B Strep.
HOSPITAL:

Finalize the birth plan with your partner, your doula (if you
hired one), and the obstetrician.
Tour the hospital or birthing center.
Have the action plan ready to go for when your partner
goes into labor.

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A final round of congratulations is in order—welcome to the club, Dad! A
lot of people don’t think about the fact that Mom needs a good 40 days to
recover from the entire process. It takes another several weeks for both
parents and baby to get on any type of routine or schedule. That’s one of
the reasons why we think that the three months after delivery deserves its
own designation as a trimester.
If you’re reading this, you’ve hopefully survived your stay at the
hospital and managed to somehow white-knuckle it home on your maiden
voyage with precious cargo in the back seat. I’ll never forget my virgin ride
from the hospital to our apartment. I was hugging the right lane doing 35
mph, screaming at every other maniac on the road—didn’t they know that
I was transporting a newborn?!
Once you’re home, most couples don’t do much during that first week
or two—simply make sure that all of the baby’s needs are met. And if your
parents or in-laws aren’t around to give a hand, it’s up to Dad to step up
and stay on top of all of the household duties, as well as make sure that
Mom is not doing anything she doesn’t need to do . . . other than rest and
breastfeed. After a few weeks, those routines and schedules will define
themselves, and it’s important to get those set before people start going
back to work.
And while all this is happening, the most important part of this “fourth
trimester” is to spend quality time with this gorgeous, beautiful baby that
you created together. Enjoy an abundance of quiet time looking into baby’s
eyes, allowing the baby skin-to-skin contact on Dad’s chest, and letting
him or her learn your voice, your smell, and your laugh. Before too long,
you’ll have your own way of communicating without even talking.
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 CHAPTER TEN

The Tenth Month

A majority of parents have already given birth by this time, and if you
haven’t, don’t worry—your time is coming. For those who have, you’ve
made it through labor and delivery (or a C-section) and triumphed over
your hospital stay and nights of barely getting any sleep in a cot with
worn-out mattress springs.
The next month is about doing anything and everything you can to
help Mom recover, whether it is taking over household duties, pet detail,
bill payment, or midnight feedings. This is a time to work with your
partner and support one another so that you both get enough sleep to
function. Encourage Mom to keep eating healthy, especially if she’s
breastfeeding. But beyond everything, this is also a time to bond with your
little one . . .
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 1-MONTH INFANT
AVERAGE SIZE
7 pounds

WEIGHT COMPARISON
bag of sugar, a brick

NOTES
normal weight loss first week, communicates through cries, feeding times will
get longer and more frequent, umbilical cord will dry out and fall out, facial
expressions like smiling

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 WEEK FORTY-THREE

Lots of Sleep for Baby, Less for You

WEEK FORTY-FOUR

Growth

WEEK FORTY-FIVE

Getting to Know You

WEEK FORTY-SIX

Tummy Time

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 WEEK FORTY-THREE

Lots of Sleep for Baby, Less for You

Finally, the wait is over and your beautiful child is now here. The baby is
going to lose a bit of weight during this first week, and you shouldn’t be
worried. You’re going to begin to understand the needs of your child based
on cries. It’s usually one of a few things—they’re either hungry, tired, have
peed or pooped and need a diaper change, or just want the security of
being held. The baby will have a small plastic clip that was used to clamp
off the umbilical cord, and you’ll need to exercise caution during diaper
changes—it can be somewhat painful for the baby until it dries out and
naturally falls off in the next few days. I’ll spare you the story of how, with
our first, the umbilical cord stump fell off and we didn’t realize it until we
saw the dog frantically sniffing and digging at the corner of our sofa . . .
If you chose to have your baby boy circumcised, the incision will also
be healing, and you’ll receive special instructions on how to care for that.
You’ll likely be given this option during your recovery stay, or (based on
your OB/GYN’s preference) you may be directed to go to an independent
specialist during his first couple of weeks.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TEN WEEK FORTY-THREE

BABY’S STATS

Baby will likely lose a bit of weight—about 5 percent—this

week. Don’t fret—this is normal.
Baby will learn to latch on to Mom’s breast to begin feeding.
Baby will expel meconium, which is essentially black tar-like
poop. Don’t worry—this is also normal.
The umbilical cord will likely start to dry out. In one to two
weeks, it will fall off for you, like a creep, to keep in your baby
book.
 MOM’S STATS

Mom’s hormones are changing during postpartum.

Her breasts are filled with milk and may be tender. If nursing,
she may be experiencing sore or chapped nipples.
She may be experiencing discharge from the birth, called
“lochia,” that is similar to a heavy period.
About 80 percent of moms experience post-delivery blues—
a lot of up-and-down emotions may be happening.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Baby will need a checkup within the first week. Your

pediatrician will likely visit you during your recovery in the
hospital and do a quick visit with the baby and give
instructions on when to come into their office for your first
real appointment.
If baby is having trouble latching, you may want to schedule
an appointment with a breastfeeding consultant.

I always took it upon myself—mainly because Mom was tired and

resting but also because I wanted to—to lead the charge on the first diaper
change. It’s a huge moment for Dad and the baby to connect, and with a
nurse standing by, dads can get a good feel for how the process should be
done. Trust me, get someone to take a picture, because in 18 years when
they’re graduating from high school and going on to college, it’s a memory
you’ll cherish. If you didn’t cover this in childbirth class or skipped it
altogether, many hospitals will offer a swaddling course, as well as basic
instructional information on things like changing diapers and cradling.
Your stay in the hospital varies between two and four days based on
recovery time after a natural birth or C-section. I chose to never leave my
wife alone in the room, and simultaneously we chose never to allow our
babies to leave our sight. Many hospitals have minimized nurseries and
support “rooming in” as their preferred postpartum recovery method. But
generally speaking, this is your option, and you and your partner should do
what you feel is best for your baby, and for both of you. Once our family
members and friends started making daily trips to see the baby at the
hospital, I used that time to step out to get us food and take care of other
things. But each night I slept alongside my wife on a cot as nurses checked
on her regularly and gave us updates on the baby. They offered to keep the
baby in the nursery for a few hours so that we could both sleep for a bit,
and a couple of times we took them up on this option and timed it with
baby’s bath or blood work. I showered there and used that hospital bag we
have been talking about for the last several chapters.
Mom’s hormones are in the process of changing a lot during this first
week of postpartum life. Likewise, her body is recovering from birth (or
surgery) at the same time she’s caring for a newborn. Her breasts are now
full of milk and tender. She may be trying to get the baby to latch on to her
breast and begin breastfeeding. Normally the hospital or birthing center
has a lactation consultant on staff who will help Mom through the initial
process. This process can be physically and emotionally challenging if the
baby isn’t able to latch on. It’s important to encourage Mom to continue
trying and not throw in the towel so early. Breastfeeding is beneficial in so
many ways, not just for the nurturing and bonding time but also because
the milk Mom is making will provide important antibodies that will
strengthen the baby’s immune system. On an unrelated note, Mom will
also be experiencing heavy discharge (similar to her period) called
“lochia.”
You’ll most likely have a lot of family and close friends visiting you
while you’re at the hospital; everyone else will probably give you a bit of
space and stop by to see you at home once you’re settled. It’s important to
be vigilant about making sure that all of your visitors wash their hands and
sanitize before holding the baby. If Mom is breastfeeding, the little one is
already building a super-robust immune system by taking in breast milk
with immunities from Mom.

Family Goals
DADDY DAYCARE Use those childcare skills: After baby is done feeding, he
or she will most likely need to be changed—that’s just how it works. Offer
 to do the diaper changing and practice your swaddling
technique, which will help the baby feel safe, comforted, and
ready to nap. If you didn’t receive swaddling instructions at
the hospital, there are plenty of diagrams and how-to videos
online.

DADDY DAYCARE Be the primary homemaker while Mom and

baby rest: Do your best to eliminate anything that your
partner needs to do while she recovers and bonds with baby.

DADDY DOULA Help Mom with breastfeeding: There are a few

things that you can do to assist Mom in having a better
experience with this if she’s having difficulty. If she’s already
consulted a lactation specialist, then she (and potentially you
too if you went with her) is probably already educated on
latching techniques, types of equipment for pumping, and how to safely
store expressed breast milk. Things you can help with are low milk
production (encourage her to nurse every time baby is hungry), excessive
time with a pacifier (this decreases feeding time), and cracked or chafed
nipples (buy her plenty cream for them)! Dad tip: Cabbage leaves and cold
compresses work wonders for swollen and engorged breasts, but there is a
side effect—lessening of milk supply—so be careful how often (or if at all)
you use this technique.

DADDY DOULA Prioritize sleep above everything else: To say

that you’re going to be sleep deprived for a few weeks is an
understatement. Ideally, Mom (and Dad) should sleep when
baby sleeps. When the little one knocks out after several tries
of swaddling and rocking, it might be tempting to turn on the
TV, check social media, play that last round of Candy Crush, or wash the
mounds of dishes piling up, but resist the urge, especially if your sleep
debt is high. When it comes to night feedings, refer back to the plan that
you both made about who will sleep when and who will feed the baby and
change diapers while the other one gets some much-needed rest.
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 WEEK FORTY-FOUR

Growth

The baby is now feeding a lot more, and more frequently as well. Baby
will more than likely get close to regaining that small amount of weight
lost at birth. It’s also common for your baby to begin tracking movements
—so don’t be surprised if they follow you across the room with their eyes!
Mom’s breasts are large if she’s breastfeeding, and she’s still very sleep
deprived. She’s probably experiencing a bit of what people call the “baby
blues,” which is fairly normal as the hormones begin to even out. Her
uterus is shrinking, although it is still enlarged from its prepregnancy size.
If Mom is nursing, she may notice quicker weight loss. And during
breastfeeding times, Mom tends to be hungrier and thirstier, as the body
requires lot of energy to feed a hungry newborn. My wife wouldn’t even sit
down to nurse without a glass of water in front of her. Get ahead of that
and grab a 24-pack of water bottles so you can make it easy on your
partner. She may be stressed about parenting in general or about trying to
resume a normal life. Now is a time to openly communicate about worries
or stressors and figure out how you can work together to lessen the
impact. Mom needs to continue eating a nutritious diet, as it is essential to
the baby’s diet, too. Everything that Mom eats or drinks reflects directly in
the breast milk that the baby is getting.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TEN WEEK FORTY-FOUR

BABY’S STATS

Baby will begin gaining back weight and may return to their
birth weight.
Baby will be much hungrier this week, and feeding times will
be longer and more frequent.
 Baby is more focused and their movements are more
controlled.
MOM’S STATS

If she is breastfeeding, Mom’s breasts are large, and her

nipples are likely tender.
Mom is sleep deprived and experiencing baby blues as
hormones begin evening out.
Her uterus is shrinking, although it’s still enlarged from its
prepregnancy size.
If she’s nursing, her weight loss will be more obvious.
Nursing moms tend to be hungry and thirsty, as their bodies
require lots of energy to feed a ravenous newborn.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

If there weren’t any complications, there won’t be a need for

appointments.

Hopefully, you were able to take off of work (or maybe you’re already a
stay-at-home dad) this week and spend some time with Mom and baby. If
not, plan on stepping in at night so that Mom can rest.

POSTPARTUM MOOD DISORDERS

Everyone expects that Mom is going to be joyous and exuberant

during those first few days and weeks after giving birth, but that’s
simply not always the case. Mom’s hormones are beginning to
even out, which is often called “baby blues.” To a certain degree,
this is normal; however, it’s important that Dad pay close attention
and be able to step in if it seems like this is crossing the line into a
postpartum mood disorder. Note: Postpartum Support
International is a great resource for anything that has to do with
pregnancy and postpartum mood disorders. They even have a
section specficially for dads and partners:
 http://www.postpartum.net/family/tips-for-postpartum-dads-
and-partners/
On that note, it’s important to recognize that dads experience
postpartum mood disorders, too. With the huge changes that a
baby ushers into his life as well as lack of sleep and high stress
levels, Dad is also susceptible. Since Mom will be too busy
recovering and bonding with the baby, enlist a family member or
close friend to check on you during postpartum. The Resources
section has some places that offer support.

Family Goals
FUN PROJECTS Be a historian: Chronicle your baby’s growth
with weekly photos (as if you weren’t doing that already). My
wife and I buy journals for each child and write in them every
so often, as well as when huge things begin to happen in their
development.

HOME CEO Be prepared for visitors: If this is your first week at

home, you should prepare for the onslaught of visitors who
will want to come by, drop off a gift, see the baby, and give
you a big hug. You should keep in mind that anyone coming
in off the streets needs to wash and disinfect! Invest in a case
of Purell.

DADDY DAYCARE Play with this beautiful baby: It’s so easy to

just go through the motions—sleep, eat, poop—but don’t
forget to play. This is one of the greatest bonding moments
with baby. Sing, dance, and try and get a reaction from them
with toys that make sound.

POSTPARTUM EMPATHY 101 Help alleviate Mom’s labor pains and recover: As
you probably witnessed, labor is painful as hell, and it doesn’t end when
the baby is born. Mom has likely endured some tearing (and possibly
stitches) during vaginal birth, and for women who had C-sections, the
 stiches are new and not even close to being healed. Be extra
supportive by preparing ice packs, fetching things when
needed, and simply making sure she isn’t overexerting
herself. Additionally, the shrinking of the uterus, which
happens both naturally over time and is also triggered with
the start of a nursing session, can be a somewhat uncomfortable process—
especially if Mom has had a C-section. If she seems to be in pain, speak to
her OB/GYN or care provider about what over-the-counter (OTC) pain
medication she can take. Even though the baby isn’t in utero anymore,
many medications pass through the breast milk, so make sure everything
your partner takes—including vitamins, supplements, and OTC
medications—is approved by the doctor first.
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 WEEK FORTY-FIVE

Getting to Know You

Your baby is gaining between five and seven ounces a week and is
starting to use their eyes to focus on more complex shapes. Baby is
sleeping between 15 and 17 hours a day, broken up in between feedings.
Their digestive system is working a lot harder now, and you may notice an
excess of gas and spitting up.
Mom’s uterus is still shrinking, and she may be losing weight. There’s
still no green light on exercise or sexual intercourse. She may be
experiencing bouts of incontinence, as her muscles may have weakened
during the labor and delivery process. Her breasts may be sore and her
nipples may be chapped.
This is most likely your second week at home with the baby and is a
perfect time to begin finding your footing on a family schedule, especially
if you have to go back to work. Getting into a routine at home will help
both you and your partner relieve a bit of stress.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TEN WEEK FORTY-FIVE

BABY’S STATS

Baby is gaining about five to seven ounces per week.

The digestive system is kicking into gear.
The umbilical cord will likely be dry enough to fall off.
Baby’s eyes are focusing on more complex shapes now.
Baby is sleeping an average of 15 to 17 hours per day, but not
all at one time.
MOM’S STATS

Her uterus is shrinking, and Mom is losing weight.

 It’s still not safe for Mom to exercise or have sexual
intercourse for a few weeks yet.
Her abdominal muscles are still stretched, so she may still
look somewhat pregnant.
She may have incontinence from weakened muscles due to
labor and delivery.
Her breasts remain sore and tender.
Mom is tired and not feeling 100 percent. Encourage her to
lie down after feedings, and try to give her quiet.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

She might have a postsurgical checkup this week. Note: If

Mom had an episiotomy, her stitches should be dissolved by
the end of this week.

Family Goals
DADDY DAYCARE Take the bambino outside: In between
feedings, offer to take the baby outside to the park while
Mom takes a much-needed nap or gets a shower. As long as
the weather isn’t too cold, it’s a great time to get out for a
couple of minutes. Remember, the baby doesn’t need to be
bundled up for snow if it’s only 70 degrees outside. The best rule of thumb
is that a baby should have one more layer on than a normal child would
need.

BROWNIE POINTS Take Mom bra shopping: If Mom is

breastfeeding, chances are (unless this isn’t her first child)
she’s realizing that she can’t fit her ginormous breasts into
any of her previous bras. So a family outing it is! Trying on
nursing bras is a wonderful experience that is bound to bring
the entire family together in a fitting room all staring at Mom’s bosoms.
Win–win.
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 WEEK FORTY-SIX

Tummy Time

Depending on when your baby was born, they will have their second
pediatrician’s appointment at around four weeks. Remember to ask
questions and to challenge the doctor if something they say doesn’t feel
right to you. It’s important to remember that medicine is a practice, and
every person, and every baby, is completely different. You are entering a
world in which you will realize that throughout the baby’s life, you will be
this child’s sole medical advocate—no one will have your child’s best
interests at heart more than you and your partner. You know your child
best, and listening to your gut instincts about their care is very important.
There are lots of theories out there about vaccination schedules, co-
sleeping, breastfeeding or bottle feeding, “crying it out,” and much more.
Do research on your own so that you’re prepared with questions and
discussion points. And remember—if you don’t ultimately believe that
your pediatrician is the right fit, find a new one! It’s very simple and
shouldn’t be stressful.
Getting a baby gym is a great idea. This will give your child a little bit
of time to spend on their tummy, strengthening their neck muscles and
practicing their kung fu grip while grabbing at toys. You may actually see
your baby laugh or mimic similar facial expressions as they try to focus on
your face.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TEN WEEK FORTY-SIX

BABY’S STATS

Baby is ready for tummy time, which means resting on Mom

or Dad’s belly to work on strengthening those neck muscles.
Baby may mimic facial gestures and will focus on your face.
Baby is beginning to grasp.
 Baby may also laugh this week.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s hormones are working on returning to normal.

Her breasts continue to be tender.
Her uterus continues to shrink, which may cause occasional
bleeding or discharge.
Mom may feel like she’s getting the hang of things now,
which can cause a lift in mood and begin to wipe away those
baby blues. If they don’t seem to dissipate, you need to take it
upon yourself to gently continue asking about how she’s
feeling.
Her appetite is returning to normal.
Mom might feel self-conscious as she’s trying to lose baby
weight.
Light exercise this week is great (something like walking)
unless she’s had a C-section or her doctor asked her to wait
until her first postpartum checkup.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

It is time for the first four-week pediatrician’s appointment.

Mom’s hormones are slowly returning to normal. If not, you’ll have to

pay close attention to whether Mom’s emotions are evening out. Her
breasts are most likely still tender, and as the uterus continues to shrink,
Mom may experience bleeding or discharge. The urinary incontinence is
still there, and Mom should hopefully be getting adjusted to some of the
most serious sleep deprivation. As a reminder, Kegel exercises are a mom’s
friend and can help rebuild muscles weakened during labor and delivery.
Unfortunately, that’s something that you can’t really help her with. Mom
should consult with her physician (especially if she had a C-section), but
she may have the green light to do some light exercises.
 QUESTIONS TO ASK DURING THE FOUR-WEEK CHECKUP

Does my baby weigh enough?

Are there any skin changes to be concerned with?
What is the vaccination schedule? What if I want to split
them up one at a time or adjust the schedule?
Is baby eating enough?
Is baby sleeping enough?

Family Goals
BONDING TIME Take a walk: Unless Mom had a C-section, she
may be cleared to get back to some light exercise, and it could
be a really great idea to get outside together and take a family
walk for 30 to 60 minutes at the end of the day. It will bring
you together and help resume some normalcy.

DADDY DAYCARE Warm the towels: Consider warming bath

towels in the dryer for when the baby comes out of the bath
—what a comforting feeling!
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 CHAPTER ELEVEN

The Eleventh Month

Chances are that you’ve begun to settle into a routine and you’ve made
your way back to work in some capacity. Mom is finally beginning to feel
like herself again, and that routine has certainly helped. The baby is
feeding more and growing like a weed. If you’re able to sleep when they
sleep, you’re both probably doing okay. You’ve had at least one if not two
pediatrician’s appointments. And you’ve noticed that your baby is
beginning to communicate with you. Sure, it’s still only crying and
mimicking facial gestures, but it will certainly blow your mind.
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 2-MONTH INFANT
AVERAGE SIZE
10 pounds

WEIGHT COMPARISON
house cat, holiday turkey

NOTES
less colicky, starting to sleep up to 6-7 hours at a time, appetite continues to
increase, associates sights and sounds, first major growth spurt, tummy time
beginner

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 WEEK FORTY-SEVEN

Hello, Smiley

WEEK FORTY-EIGHT

Introducing the Bottle

WEEK FORTY-NINE

Fewer Crying Jags

WEEK FIFTY

Was That Two Months Already?

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 WEEK FORTY-SEVEN

Hello, Smiley

This could be the week that you catch your baby smiling, and this time
it’s probably not just the gas. Baby is responding to social cues, and that
reaction is genuine. The sleeping and feeding routines may change a bit
this week. The baby may be sleeping longer at night and staying awake for
longer stretches during the day.
Your little one is growing almost one inch a week now and is still
gaining about five to seven ounces per week. They are eating every two
hours, 8 to 10 times a day, between two and five ounces per feeding.
Mom is returning almost to her previous physical condition. Her
uterus is almost back to prepregnancy condition, and if she’s been doing
Kegel exercises, the incontinence should be tapering off. Her breasts have
probably begun to normalize, and the chapping of the nipples should start
to heal. Mom should consider sleeping when the baby sleeps if possible. I
know it’s tempting to want to use that time to do things around the house,
catch up on bills, or whatever else you have going on, but it’s important to
remind her that she should rest when she can.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH ELEVEN WEEK FORTY-SEVEN

BABY’S STATS

Baby’s smiles may not mean gas, but rather that they are
responding to social cues.
Baby recognizes and appreciates the sound of music.
Baby is growing like a weed, about one inch a week.
Baby is eating about every two hours, 8 to 10 times per day.
Each feeding is two to five ounces per meal.
MOM’S STATS

Mom is slowly returning to her normal physical condition.

Doing Kegel exercises can help her gain more control of any
lingering incontinence.
Her breasts have started adapting to nursing, so chapping
should be less of an issue now.
Exercise can lessen some of her stress.
For many moms, this could be the last week at home.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

There are no appointments unless there are complications.

Family Goals
BONDING TIME Ensure the Mom-child bond is strong: Mom
should be spending as much time as possible with the baby
before potentially going back to work. Make sure she is
spending the majority of her time breastfeeding and bonding
with the baby.

HOME CEO Hire a nanny or look into a childcare center:

Spend time with your nanny (or child caretakers) and get on
the same page with the feeding and sleeping schedule. If
you’re lucky, you may have some grandparents nearby who
will be able to help!
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 WEEK FORTY-EIGHT

Introducing the Bottle

If your baby is nursing and Mom is planning to return to work, this is a

great week to introduce baby to the bottle. Mom can continue to pump
breast milk, or you could transition to formula. Some mothers pump or
nurse for a year or more, and others find it too time-consuming or painful
—and to each her own. You can take a stab at feeding, which is great
bonding time and also gives Mom a break. If your baby isn’t necessarily
receiving the new nipple with open arms, it helps to just let the nipple
touch the baby’s lips and allow a dribble of milk to come out—that should
help in the overall introduction.
Baby’s sleeping and feeding patterns are evening out, and at this point,
you should be a pro at changing those diapers.
Mom is almost back to normal physically, and if this is week 6
postpartum, she will likely be given the green light to resume sexual
activities, that is, if overall exhaustion and other issues aren’t superseding
those urges. She needs your continued support emotionally and physically,
as she may become hyperfocused on her appearance around this time,
given that she may be returning to work or that sex is back on the table.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH ELEVEN WEEK FORTY-EIGHT

BABY’S STATS

Baby is consuming more at feeding time and possibly going a

little bit longer between meals.
Baby is keeping pace with the previous week, eating as many
as 10 times a day, two to five ounces at a time. Your baby is
growing almost one inch a week.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s uterus has returned to normal.

 Mom is dropping weight, especially if she’s breastfeeding.
If Mom is continuing to breastfeed, her appetite may
increase.
Mom may be ready for sex again. She may be hyperfocused
on appearance this week, especially if sex is back on the table.
She may still be carrying extra weight, especially around the
stomach area.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

This is the time for the six-week postpartum checkup for

Mom. If you’re going with Mom for the appointment, come
up with a few questions on how you can help Mom continue
to recover. Also, ask any questions that relate to specific
concerns about Mom’s mood and emotional well-being.
Mom may be returning to work.

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 WEEK FORTY-NINE

Fewer Crying Jags

There’s some great news this week. Unless your baby has colic, you may
notice that the number of crying jags has lessened. Colic is a condition
marked by recurrent episodes of prolonged and uncontrollable crying for
up to three hours or more of an unknown cause in an otherwise healthy
infant. Don’t worry; if your baby has colic, it will usually subside after
three to four months. Normally, a baby should be sleeping almost six to
seven hours a night at this point, which means more sleep for Mom and
Dad. Creating a nighttime feeding routine will help ensure that those six
to seven hours happen.
The baby is still growing about one inch and seven ounces per week,
and consuming four to five ounces of milk every three to four hours.
Sensory information is high on the achievement list this week, as your
baby is associating sights and sounds and focusing on different objects
with their eyes.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH ELEVEN WEEK FORTY-NINE

BABY’S STATS

Unless your baby has colic (one in five do), baby will have
fewer crying jags.
Baby is hopefully sleeping six to seven hours at a time at
night.
Baby is beginning to associate sight with sound, and the eyes
are focusing on objects as well.
Growth continues at about one inch and seven ounces per
week.
 Baby is consuming about four to five ounces of milk every
three to four hours.
MOM’S STATS

Hormones are changing and Mom may begin to produce less

milk.
Mom’s feet may never return to prepregnancy size!
Mom’s hair may be falling out, but this will normalize.

Mom should basically be back to normal, and this week would be a

great opportunity to help her resume regular workouts, including strength
training and cardiovascular fitness like walking, running, or whatever she
enjoyed before her pregnancy.

STICKING TO A ROUTINE

Creating a solid routine is as easy as sticking to a time line. You

and your partner should make an effort to eat at about the same
time every night and feed the baby about the same time every
night. “Tanking up” is a phrase that refers to a heavy feeding just
before lying the baby down for the night—this generally ensures a
longer stretch of sleep right off the bat. A routine can also include
certain music, ocean sounds, or white noise. Don’t stay up too late
after baby goes to bed, otherwise you’ll get caught not getting
enough sleep for yourself.

Family Goals
BONDING TIME Allot special time for Mom and baby: If Mom
has gone back to work, make sure she is scheduling time with
baby so as not to miss milestones in growth and
development.
DADDY DAYCARE Spend time feeding the baby: This is a great time for Dad
to practice filling and warming a bottle. Get your feeding
technique down! You can also help Mom out by bagging and
labeling breast milk with dates. Some will go into the
refrigerator, and the rest will likely go into the freezer to beef
up your surplus.
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 WEEK FIFTY

Was That Two Months Already?

Two months have flown by, and your baby is now following routines
you’ve set, which is making life so much more manageable than it was a
few weeks ago. Your baby is likely feeding about six times within a 24-hour
stretch, upping the amount consumed with each passing day and week.
Growth spurts should be expected, so don’t be surprised if your baby
all of a sudden is crying for more food after just being fed. As for
developmental milestones, it’s easy for parents to compare one child to
another or get focused on parameters listed within different resource
publications, but it’s wise not to do that. Let your doctor tell you if there’s
something to really be concerned with, but remember there’s a wide range
of what is “healthy” for babies.
Mom should be back to normal physically (unless she’s still
breastfeeding), as most systems have snapped back into place, which
includes her period. This means she’s ovulating, so be careful when
reestablishing the normal routine of sex and intimacy. Unless you want to
have another kid very soon, make sure that you are being careful and have
birth control in place.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH ELEVEN WEEK FIFTY

BABY’S STATS

Learning to follow routines, your new creature is becoming a

creature of habit.
Baby is likely feeding about six times in 24 hours, consuming
more and more in each sitting.
This is a common week for a growth spurt.
 Baby is getting stronger and sleeping for longer stretches at
night.
MOM’S STATS

Most of her systems are back to normal unless she is

breastfeeding.
If Mom isn’t breastfeeding exclusively, her period may be
returning, which means she’s also ovulating. Which means
she can get pregnant again. Which means be careful.
Her body is adapting to postpartum hormonal changes and
may seem more on an even keel.
Mom may be becoming a seasoned pro very quickly.
However, every mom moves at her own pace, and it may take
a little longer than some to find a rhythm.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

The two-month appointment for baby happens now. Most

pediatricians will want to begin immunizing.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PEDIATRICIAN DURING YOUR TWO-MONTH

APPOINTMENT:

What developmental milestones should we expect to see

from our baby?
Should baby be following us with their eyes?
Are there benefits or dangers to spreading out
immunizations rather than following the suggested
schedule?
How much tummy time is too much?

Family Goals
 CONVERSATION STARTERS Talk about birth control: With
ovulation returning and sex on the table, it’s wise to talk
about what your plan is moving forward.

CONVERSATION STARTERS Talk about how you want to

immunize your child: You and your partner may want to
review the immunization schedule that’s recommended by
your pediatrician and do your own research on each one,
including looking at the side effects. My wife and I chose an
alternative schedule, choosing never to do more than one vaccination at a
time and spreading them out over a longer period of time. Most
pediatricians these days are very open to discussing all of this.
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OceanofPDF.com
 CHAPTER TWELVE

The Twelfth Month

These are the final four weeks of the fourth trimester. You and your
partner may even feel like old pros at this stage of the game. You’ve both
made it through the physically and emotionally demanding rigors of
pregnancy and supported each other from the very beginning. Mom
should be feeling almost normal again, and continuing to breastfeed the
baby if that’s what she chose to do. You’ve become a veteran diaper
changer and bottle warmer, and your baby loves to be cuddled by Dad
when it’s his turn for a bottle feeding. Enjoy these first precious weeks and
months of having a newborn—it sounds cliché, but they do grow up so
fast. These are times with your son or daughter that you’ll never get back
again.
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 3-MONTH INFANT
AVERAGE SIZE
15 pounds

WEIGHT COMPARISON
19-inch flat screen TV, medium-sized bag of dog food

NOTES
baby is sleeping through the night (if you’re lucky), self soothes, moves from
side to back during tummy time, sucks thumbs, coos, smiles and laughs

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 WEEK FIFTY-ONE

Old Pros

WEEK FIFTY-TWO

Double Digits

WEEK FIFTY-THREE

Preferences

WEEK FIFTY-FOUR

The First Three Months

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 WEEK FIFTY-ONE

Old Pros

As you enter your third month of parenthood, you probably feel like a
seasoned pro. Mom is more than likely creeping back to her normal
physical appearance, and you’re both getting a decent amount of sleep.
Not everyone will be on this timetable, so don’t fret! Babies around the
age of nine weeks are fun, too! They’re animated and interactive while
smiling and gurgling and laughing.
Hopefully, your baby is sleeping through the night and potentially able
to self-soothe if they wake up in the middle of the night. This soothing
could come in the form of music or a pacifier, or you may have a thumb
sucker! You may also want to keep an extra special eye on baby during
tummy time. It might be a bit early for your baby to roll over, but he can
certainly go from side to back.
Mom should be feeling much better these days. She should be getting
more sleep, and her pregnancy fog should be replaced with baby brain
(which can really apply to both of you)—the tendency to get distracted
from time to time by all of the baby’s needs.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TWELVE WEEK FIFTY-ONE

BABY’S STATS

Baby may be sleeping through the night, although relapses

happen.
Baby is almost able to self-soothe with a pacifier or their
thumb.
If baby wakes up, letting them cry for a few minutes may be
all they need to get back to sleep.
 Since baby’s moving like a little worm during tummy time,
more supervision could be required.
MOM’S STATS

Mom may continue to nurse exclusively because it is

beneficial for weight control and keeping periods at bay.
Pregnancy brain has been replaced by baby brain, which
means that she seems distracted by all of the baby’s needs.

OTC MEDICATIONS AND BREASTFEEDING

Mom should stay away from OTC medicines if she is

breastfeeding. Generally, only 1 percent of any medicine that
Mom takes will end up in her breast milk. However, doctors usually
err on the side of caution, so consult with your physician. Anything
that Mom took during pregnancy is most likely okay now. As a rule
of thumb, medicine should be taken only when absolutely
necessary.

Family Goals
BONDING TIME Schedule a date night: If your baby is accepting
the bottle, they might be ready to stay for a few hours with
Grandma or another caretaker you trust. If all is going well,
this might be good time for you and your partner to schedule
a night out together to reconnect. Keep it low-key and local
just in case you need to rush back home for the baby.

DADDY DAYCARE Focus on tummy time: With a few times on

the mat every day, baby will soon be able to hold their head
up and gain a whole new perspective on the world!
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 WEEK FIFTY-TWO

Double Digits

Your baby is a whopping 10 weeks old, and hopefully has their routines
down pat. Naps are about an hour, give or take, and baby could take two to
three per day. Your baby is eating four to six ounces every three to four
hours, although the frequency or amounts may be greater when they hit a
growth spurt. Your baby is also sleeping between 15 and 17 hours per day,
with the bulk of that being 8 to 10 hours at night.
Mom is doing great, and her physical changes this week will be mostly
attributed to her sleep, diet, and exercise, as well as to whether she is
breastfeeding. Hopefully, Mom is thriving right now. However, she could
still be experiencing some guilt if she feels like she’s not enjoying every
single moment of the baby’s life. Hop on the reassurance train and give
her that boost she might need. It’s easy for any mom to get frustrated or
overwhelmed from time to time.

Family Goals
DADDY DAYCARE Try to get baby to roll over: If baby has
mastered tummy time, they might be ready to start rolling
over. When you’re playing on the floor with the baby, help
them get used to the movements and sensation by rolling
them on their back, gently of course.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TWELVE WEEK FIFTY-TWO

BABY’S STATS

Baby is adapting to a routine of sorts: waking up, feeding

time, playtime, nap, and repeat until bedtime.
Baby continues to gain weight.
 Baby is eating about four to six ounces every three to four
hours, and more during growth spurts.
Baby is sleeping between 15 and 17 hours per day, with the
bulk of that being 8 to 10 hours every night.
MOM’S STATS

Mom’s physical changes this week have to do with her sleep,

diet, and exercise, as well as breastfeeding.
She’s thriving as a mom, but she may experience guilt if she’s
not enjoying every moment of baby’s life.
Mom should take some time for herself to avoid becoming
overwhelmed.

BROWNIE POINTS Insist that Mom go out: Encourage or even

insist that Mom leave the nest for a bit to catch up with some
girlfriends for a bite to eat. You will get some quality time
with your child, and your partner will get to enjoy some of
the fun times that she has been missing.
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 WEEK FIFTY-THREE

Preferences

With eating and sleeping schedules set, your baby is still gaining almost
seven ounces per week and may have already grown out of some of their
clothing. Your baby’s personality is ever changing, and you are familiar
with how your baby is communicating with coos and smiles, laughs, and
giggles.
Stay on high alert these days, as this is the time of oral exploration.
Your baby may be trying to gnaw or chew on anything and everything in
sight.
Hopefully, Mom is in a chipper mood, continuing to exercise, getting
proper sleep, and watching her diet. She might also still be losing hair that
wasn’t lost during the pregnancy. Don’t be alarmed if the shower drain is
more clogged than normal for the next few months.

Family Goals
HOME CEO Watch for choking hazards: With that age of oral
exploration comes the need for being mindful about choking
hazards baby may have access to. This is just a small step
toward having to babyproof the entire house if you haven’t
done so yet!

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TWELVE WEEK FIFTY-THREE

BABY’S STATS

Baby could be indicating preferences to you.

Baby is familiar with your personality.
Baby is cooing and smiling, and laughing at certain things
and enjoying them.
 Baby could be growing out of clothes.
Baby’s sleep and eating schedule is clearly set now.
Watch for baby putting everything within reach in their
mouth.
MOM’S STATS

As baby nears three months, Mom might start to realize just

how quickly the time is going and feel a wave of nostalgia or
desire to slow things down.
Mom may want to buy clothes for herself (as she returns to
normal weight) or the baby (who is growing!). She might also
want another cool gadget, the hands-free pumping bra.

HOME CEO Come up with a plan for old clothing: Your baby
will quickly grow into new sizes, and you should discuss
whether you’re going to donate clothes as they outgrow them
or simply store them away in 30-gallon plastic bins until the
next kid comes along (like we did).
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 WEEK FIFTY-FOUR

The First Three Months

Only three months ago, you and your partner thought this baby would
never come. Here you are, riding high with a beautiful addition to your
family. Baby is still eating between five and seven ounces at a sitting and
can eat on a schedule of four to five times a day. From here on out, your
baby will gain about two pounds per month (give or take) until about
seven years of age and will hit milestones rapidly.
Mom may be returning to work this week after being on leave. With
the return could come personal conflict, worry about childcare, or just
separation anxiety. All of these feelings are normal. Hopefully, Mom is also
gaining confidence and settling in to enjoy her new role.

Family Goals
CONVERSATION STARTERS Discuss the when and what of solid
foods: You and your partner may want to talk with your
pediatrician about introducing solid foods when the baby is
four to six months old. Also, you might discuss food allergies
and what you can do to help prevent them.

4TH TRIMESTER MONTH TWELVE WEEK FIFTY-FOUR

BABY’S STATS

Baby will gain about two pounds per month (give or take)
from now until about seven months old.
Baby is eating about five to seven ounces at every sitting.
Baby is sleeping about 15 to 16 hours a day, and sleep times
are normalizing into a routine.
 MOM’S STATS

Mom may be feeling conflict about separation if she hasn’t

returned to work yet.
Mom will need to decide if she’s going to pump or transition
the baby to formula. If Mom is going to continue to
breastfeed, consider for how long.
NOT-TO-MISS APPOINTMENTS

Baby’s next checkup and immunizations are scheduled for

month 4.

FUN PROJECTS Continue to be the historian: Baby is rolling

over, creeping, crawling, and walking, and these are exciting
things to watch and chronicle.

HOME CEO Prepare the home for a mobile baby and high-
energy toddler! Do your research and get this done—it will
save you a lot of stress moving forward. Take care of things
like corner bumpers for tables, electrical outlet covers, locks
on the toilet lids, locks on cupboards that contain cleaners,
and other issues that pose danger to a crawling, cruising, and eventually
walking baby.
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 THE FOURTH-TRIMESTER CHECKLIST

HOME:
Be prepared for visitors especially during your first weeks
at home. Make sure that everyone washes their hands and
disinfects!
Look into hiring a nanny or enrolling your child in a
childcare center. Do your homework, spend time with
them, and get them on the same page with the feeding
and sleeping schedule. If you are lucky enough, enlist the
help of the grandparents that are nearby.
Come up with a plan for old baby clothing.
Prepare the home for a mobile baby and high-energy
toddler.
BABY:

Now is the time to use those childcare skills. Be number

one at changing diapers and practice your swaddling
technique.
Don’t forget to play with your beautiful new baby!
Take the baby outside between feedings.
Spend time feeding your baby and organizing and
labeling breast milk.
Focus on tummy time.
Be the historian: be sure to record everything your baby is
doing with pictures, videos, and journals.
MOM:

Help mom with breastfeeding by educating yourself on

latching techniques, types of equipment for pumping, and
how to safely store breast milk.
 Be extra supportive of mom as she recovers from labor
pains and watch for signs of postpartum mood disorders.
If your partner is going back to work, make sure she is
scheduling time with the baby so she is not missing
milestones in growth and development.
As soon as your baby is accepting the bottle, look into
scheduling a date night.
MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS:

Six-week postpartum checkup for mom

For baby:
3 to 5 days after birth
1-month checkup
2-month checkup

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 Conclusion

This is where I leave you, at least for now. It’s been an extraordinary
ride we’ve taken together. I hope that I’ve given you a decent account of
each week in a pregnancy year, coupled with a few humorous stories along
the way. If you decide to continue having children, perhaps my trimester
checklists will serve as a foundation that you can build on—adding your
own notes along the way. Each dad’s journey is different, and that’s what
makes it beautiful.
As I sign off, I can’t help but go back to that saying my wife once heard:
“Women become mothers the moment they find out they’re pregnant, and
men become fathers when they hold their babies for the first time—but
there are nine months in between.” I’m a firm believer that men can feel
like fathers long before they ever lay eyes on their babies. This book was
created to empower us to be better partners and better versions of
ourselves. Get invested in your partner’s pregnancy even before day 1. And
when the moment comes, be the best damn dad that you can be.
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 Glossary

1st stage of labor: Mom’s contractions are causing her to seize up and
potentially claw holes in your new button-up or the armrest of the
leather recliner. Those contractions are close enough and strong enough
to begin changes in her cervical dilation. This stage won’t end until she’s
dilated to 10 centimeters.

2nd stage of labor: Cue Salt-N-Pepa because this stage may as well be
called PUSH IT. The act of pushing could last anywhere from 20
minutes to three or more hours. During this stage, her contractions will
begin to slow down to between two and five minutes and last as long as
1 minute to 1½ minutes. Mom will continue pushing during those
contractions, which will push the baby down through the birth canal.

3rd stage of labor: A lot of parents don’t recognize this stage of labor.
This stage occurs immediately after the baby is born, and it consists of
the delivery of the placenta. It is not as intense as the actual birth; the
uterus gently contracts to release the placenta.

afterbirth: After the baby is delivered, the uterus pushes out the placenta,
as well as the other membranes that Mom has held in her uterus.

amniotic fluid: The fluid that surrounds the baby while in utero. It
protects the baby by acting as a bit of a shock absorber, but it also helps
the lungs develop.

areola: A fun word to say publicly when you’re looking to make those
around you blush or feel awkward. If the nipple were the bullseye, the
areola would be the rest of the circle surrounding it. Normally pinkish
or brown in hue, it will likely darken throughout pregnancy, making it
easier for baby to see to breastfeed.

birth plan: The plan, either written or verbally discussed with your (her)
doctor, that describes how you’d like your labor and delivery to occur. It
 normally addresses things like pain medication, breastfeeding, and who
you and your partner want in the delivery room when it’s time.

Braxton Hicks: While it sounds like the lead singer of a pop band in the
’80s or ’90s, the only gig going on is in Mom’s uterus. Braxton Hicks are
contractions that start as early as the second trimester, but can also
occur when Mom is overly tired or potentially after sexual intercourse.
These are often referred to as “practice contractions.”

breech: Normally the fetus moves toward the birth canal during the third
trimester, but this doesn’t always happen. Breech is when the baby has
its feet or buttocks facing downward. A C-section is generally required
for delivery.

cervix: The circular opening that connects the uterus to the vagina. Its
dilation allows the baby to be born during labor.

cesarean section (C-section): The surgical delivery method that requires

doctors to make an incision in the lower abdomen and uterus. Recovery
methods and time line vary from that of natural birth.

colic: When an infant has excessive jags of crying and irritability.

Generally, for a baby to be diagnosed with colic, they must cry for more
than three hours a day, more than three days a week, for three weeks or
more.

colostrum: The fluid produced by Mom’s breasts before they actually

produce milk. It’s a fluid rich with protein and important antibodies
that the newborn will need for nourishment during those first precious
days after birth.

cord blood banking: After your baby is born, you’ll have the option (you’ll
probably discuss this well before delivery) of collecting and storing the
blood that’s left in the umbilical cord and placenta. The idea is that this
blood contains stem cells that could potentially be used later in life to
treat medical issues with your child or someone else.
crowning: This has nothing to do with watching King Joffrey Baratheon
take the throne in Game of Thrones but instead is the moment when you
can first see your baby’s head begin to emerge from Mom’s vagina.

cystic fibrosis: A genetic disorder that causes thick, sticky mucus to build
up in the baby’s lungs and digestive tract. Genetic testing can be done
ahead of time, but it’s important to keep in mind that both parents must
have the genetic mutation in order for it to be present in the child.

dilation: The gradual process by which the cervix begins to open so the
baby can make its way through the birth canal.

doula: A labor coach. A doula doesn’t necessarily have medical training,

but she can help with emotional support during labor and delivery and
offer other types of help once Mom is home with baby.

Down syndrome: A genetic abnormality. Genetic testing and screenings

can be done during the first and second trimesters to determine
whether or not this is something to be concerned about.
ectopic pregnancy: This occurs when the fertilized embryo attaches itself
outside the uterus (most often in the fallopian tube) instead of the
uterine lining. This is a threat to mom’s health, and the pregnancy must
be ended.

effacement: When Mom’s cervix thins out during labor, allowing it to

stretch so the baby can pass through during labor.

epidural: An injection into the space just outside Mom’s spinal cord and
serves as a method of pain relief. It lessens nerve sensitivity and blocks
feeling to the lower body, but Mom stays alert during the process.

episiotomy: A cut that’s made to widen the opening of Mom’s vagina in

the event that baby is too big to pass through naturally.

fontanel: The soft spot on an infant’s skull, the space in the skull in which
the bone hasn’t fully fused together yet.
full term: The phrase used for the beginning of Week 39 through the end
of Week 40 of pregnancy. Any baby born prior to 38 weeks and 6 days is
considered premature.

fundal height: The measurement used to determine the position of the

top of Mom’s uterus during pregnancy.

high-risk pregnancy: A phrase used when Mom or baby is at an increased

risk for health problems. This term can be use in the event of high blood
pressure, multiple babies, or a mom who has crossed a certain age
threshold.

lanugo: The extremely fine and very soft hair that covers a baby’s body
while in utero.

lightening: The period in which the baby drops or descends into Mom’s
pelvis. This could happen several weeks before labor or when labor
begins.
lightning crotch: Sounds like fraternity-speak for someone who has it
“going on” downstairs, but that’s not the case here. LC is a term that
refers to the sudden shooting pain that occurs in Mom’s pelvis, rectum,
or vulva, caused by baby’s movement inside of the womb.

lochia: The initial discharge that Mom experiences after giving birth. It’s
composed mostly of blood and pieces of fetal membrane.

meconium: The earliest stool of an infant. Sticky and comparable to tar, it

generally lasts for a few days after birth and is composed of a
combination of things (such as mucus, bile, cells, lunago) ingested
during baby’s time in the womb.

nesting: Mom’s instinctual motivation to organize and dial in the

household before the baby comes. Nesting may very well have you
cleaning out the garage, climbing into crawlspaces to retrieve storage
bins, and ultimately amassing a stockpile of yard sale goods that takes
up a bay in the garage.
preeclampsia: A disorder in which Mom has higher blood pressure than
normal, as well as significant levels of protein in her urine. This
condition generally occurs after 20 weeks and is something that the
doctor can screen and monitor.

pregnancy brain: Sudden onset of increased forgetfulness and specifically

the inability to remember where anything is at any given moment.

prolactin: A protein that enables Mom to produce milk.

restless legs syndrome: A fierce urge to move one’s legs. This condition
most likely won’t occur on the dance floor at your company holiday
party but rather in bed as Mom fights to get a solid night of sleep.

sciatica: A condition in which the baby is most likely sitting on Mom’s

sciatic nerve, causing a shooting pain from the lower back into one side
of the leg.

swaddling: A technique or practice of tightly wrapping a baby in a muslin

or another breathable blanket so as to provide the feeling of warmth
and security.

tanking: The idea that you feed your baby as much as possible before
bedtime, hoping that they will sleep soundly and give you and your
partner more time to catch up on that much-needed rest.
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 Resources

AllProDad.com, All Pro Dad

AtHomeDad.org, National At-Home Dad Network

BabyCenter.com, BabyCenter

CityDadsGroup.com, City Dads Group

Dad.info, DAD.info

Dad2Summit.com, The Dad 2.0 Summit

DadOrAlive.com, Dad or Alive

DaddyStyleDiaries.com, Daddy Style Diaries

DesignerDaddy.com, Designer Daddy

Fatherhood.org, National Fatherhood Initiative

Fatherly.com, Fatherly

Fathers.com, National Center for Fathering

Healing Hearts (Baby Loss Comfort): BabyLossComfort.com/grief-

resources

HowToBeADad.com, HowToBeADad

LifeOfDad.com, Life of Dad

Loss Advisors Loss Doulas: BabyLossFamilyAdvisors.org/parent-

services.html
LunchboxDad.com, Lunchbox Dad

MrDad.com, Mr. Dad

NationalShare.org, Share: Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support

Postpartum.net, Postpartum Support International

PostpartumDads.org, PostpartumDads

PostpartumProgress.com, Postpartum Progress

TheDadWebsite.com, The Dad Website

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 References

Borgenicht, Louis, and Joe Borgenicht. The Baby Owner’s Manual.

Philadelphia: Quirk Books, 2012.

Brott, Armin A., and Jennifer Ash. The Expectant Father. New York:
Abbeville Press, 2015.

Greenberg, Gary, and Jeannie Hayden. Be Prepared. New York: Simon &
Schuster, 2004.

Jones, Sandy, and Marcie Jones, with Michael Crocetti. Great Expectations:
Baby’s First Year. New York: Sterling, 2007.

Mactavish, Scott. The New Dad’s Survival Guide. New York: Little, Brown
and Company, 2005.

Murkoff, Heidi, and Sharon Mazel. What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
New York: Workman Publishing, 2016.

Pfeiffer, John. Dude, You’re Gonna Be a Dad! Avon: MA: Adams Media, 2011.

Watson, Benjamin. The New Dad’s Playbook. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker
Books, 2017.
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 Acknowledgments

Without my wife, Jen, and our three children, Ava, Charlie, and Mason
(with baby girl coming soon), I’d be in no position to even begin writing a
book like this. My love and gratitude extends to them all—they make every
day an adventure, full of laughter and love.
To my parents, Bruce and Joan, who raised three boys and helped me
become the man and father I am today—I’m forever grateful.
To my brothers, Eric and Travis, who might one day decide to settle
down and start families of their own, you may benefit from these musings
and I wish you only the very best.
To the extended Kulp family, Bob and Elaine Mayer and the Mayer,
Hellwig, and Trost families—thanks for always being there with a warm
heart and never-ending support.
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 About the Author

Adrian Kulp has worked as a comedy booking agent for CBS late-night
television, as an executive for Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison
Productions, and as a vice president of development for Chelsea Handler’s
Borderline Amazing Productions.
For the past eight years, he’s been the voice behind the popular dad
blog turned parenting memoir Dad or Alive: Confessions of an Unexpected
Stay-at-Home Dad. He’s produced the reality series Modern Dads for A&E
Networks, is a regular contributor to HuffPost, The Bump, and Parents
magazine, and is a partner at the massive online fatherhood community,
Life of Dad.
He lives on the coast in Suffolk, Virginia, with his wife, Jen, and their
three kids, Ava, Charlie, and Mason, and they have another baby girl on the
way.
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