Inner Child Recovery Workbook

Heal Childhood Trauma, Abandonment, Neglect, and

Abuse. Includes Prompts, Exercises and Activities to
Overcome Trust Issues, Low Self-Esteem and
Cultivate Self-Love

Linda Hill
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 Table of Content

Introduction

Chapter 1: Understanding Your Inner Child

Exploring the Inner Child
Recognizing Childhood Patterns
Chapter Writing Prompts

Chapter 2: Nurturing Your Inner Child

Creating a Safe Space
Reconnecting with Playfulness and Joy
Chapter Writing Prompts

Chapter 3: Healing Emotional Wounds

How Do I Heal My Inner Child?
Uncovering Emotional Wounds
Releasing Past Traumas
A Society of Shallow Breathers
Mindful Breathing
How Mindful Breathing Impacts the Mind and Body
Benefits of Mindful Breathing
 Breathing and the Relaxation Response
Meditation
Suggestions When Meditating
Journaling
Chapter Writing Prompts

Chapter 4: Reconnecting with Authenticity

Embracing Your True Self
Expressing Suppressed Emotions and Desires
Chapter Writing Prompts

Chapter 5: Reparenting Your Inner Child

Becoming a Nurturing Parent to Your Inner Child
Setting Boundaries
Values
Chapter Writing Prompts

Chapter 6: Forgiveness, Compassion, and Letting Go

Forgiveness
What Does It Mean to Forgive?
The Benefits of Forgiving
How to Begin Forgiving
Embracing Self-Compassion
Letting Go
Chapter Writing Prompts

Conclusion

References
 Introduction
As children, all of us experienced trauma in some form. The trauma I speak
of can be as obvious as physical and sexual abuse or as subtle as medical
issues, accidents, poverty, or bullying. These traumas remain with us into
adulthood unless they are addressed.
The challenge is that many of these memories are subconscious, so we are
unaware of them. Though we may not be aware of these memories, their
energy affects us daily. Many of our stronger emotional responses result
from these memories being triggered.
What is referred to as your "inner child" holds these memories. Healing your
inner child entails bringing resolution to these memories. To do so requires
that the light of your awareness be allowed to illuminate them and integrate
them with your conscious self. Once these memories are integrated, you will
no longer be triggered by them.
Doing inner child work offers incredible potential for personal growth.
When your inner child remains in the subconscious, its reactivity will be
reflected in your decisions and actions. Your adult mind may rationalize
your decisions and actions, but you are justifying something beyond your
awareness.
Inner child work involves confronting and understanding these memories. In
doing so, your adult mind takes charge of them. When this occurs, your inner
child will function to support your happiness.
This kind of healing will occur not only from within but also externally.
Your inner child work will show up in the improved quality of your
relationships and other areas of your life. The reason for this is simple. Your
inner child has tinted your view of yourself and the world around you. That
view is tinted with fear.
When you do inner child work, this tinted lens is replaced by clarity and
understanding. Your increased confidence and self-knowledge will show up
in how you engage with the world around you.
This workbook will provide you with simple but powerful exercises that will
allow you to access your inner child and give them the recognition and care
they have been deprived of. In doing so, you will be able to take back your
personal power while at the same time providing parenting to your inner
child, which they never had.
However, to do inner child work effectively, you need to be honest with
yourself, be willing to face strong emotions, and be determined to hang in
there until the end. While it may be difficult in the short term, the benefits
you will get in the long term will be huge. Besides, if you do not address
your inner child, you will prolong your suffering into the future. You have
everything to gain and nothing to lose. The journey starts now for you to
reclaim the authenticity of who you are.
 Chapter 1: Understanding Your
Inner Child
You will begin this chapter by gaining a deeper understanding of your inner
child. As you will see, your inner child is simply an aspect of yourself that
you have repressed.

Exploring the Inner Child

Janet is a young child whose parents are often critical of her and inconsistent
in showing her affection. In her attempts to appease her parents, Janet starts
to repress those aspects of herself that her parents are critical of and starts to
adopt those they approve of. As she continues these efforts, the adopted
features become more and more ingrained in her sense of identity while the
repressed ones are pushed deeper into her subconscious.
Though Janet's sense of identity has been molded by her adopted aspects, the
suppressed ones retain their energies. These energies will continue to affect
her emotionally and her decision-making. For example, let's say that one of
Janet's natural traits is to be easygoing. Her parents view this critically
because they believe that being easygoing will make their daughter an easy
target for others to take advantage of. They also believe you can never be
successful with an easygoing personality.
Janet picks up on the displeasure of her parents and starts to adopt an attitude
where she pushes herself and becomes more competitive. As Janet gets
older, she will think and behave in ways that reflect these qualities. They will
become a part of her personal identity. When she meets someone easygoing,
she will view them in a negative way. She will see them in the same way that
her parents saw her.
The reason Janet views such individuals this way is that they remind her of
her suppressed qualities. Janet is projecting the energies of these suppressed
qualities onto others. Her negative view of these individuals has nothing to
do with the individuals themselves. Rather, she is reacting to her suppressed
self. The easygoing individuals are eliciting the energies of Janet's
suppressed memories. As these energies bring about an uncomfortable
feeling, she attributes these feelings to the individuals.
This scenario of Janet represents how our unresolved suppressed memories
impact our life experiences. Additionally, these suppressed memories are
authentic aspects of ourselves. We cannot be authentic as people until we
learn to accept all aspects of ourselves.
Exercise 1: Know Your Intentions
Directions: The following are writing prompts to help you get to know your
inner child. Choose one or more of the following writing prompts and write
about them.

When doing inner child work, I think I will have the most difficulty
with the following:
When becoming honest with myself, I think the most difficult thing
for me to face will be:
What I most want to change about myself when doing inner child
work is:
My intentions for learning to heal my inner child are:
_________________________________________________________________________

Recognizing Childhood Patterns

To recognize your childhood patterns, it is important that you listen to your
inner child. You can do that by paying attention to what you are experiencing
when situations bring out strong emotions in you.
Emotions you may experience include:

Anger
Rejection or abandonment
Insecurity
Shame
Guilt
Vulnerability
Anxiety
Try to trace the emotions you are experiencing back to their original source—
a specific childhood experience. You can then see how that emotional
response gets triggered in your adult life.
I remember once how I asked my wife if she would help me out with a
problem I was having. Because she was going through a difficult time, she
turned down my request. I remember feeling rejected and alone. I started
writing about this experience and reflecting on my childhood. I remember
feeling the same way when I approached my parents with a request, and they
turned me down.
The feelings I experienced when my wife turned down my request were
grounded in the wounds of my inner child.
Have you experienced something like this in your life? Do you notice
yourself experiencing patterns of behavior or thinking that do not support you
in becoming happy? Perhaps you can identify with some of the following
patterns of thinking or behaviors:

You experience fear when there is no rational reason for it.

You have perfectionist tendencies.
You tend to feel anxious in your relationships.
You tend to avoid becoming emotionally intimate with others.
 You tend to be demanding in your relationships and try to control
your partner.

These are just a few examples of thinking and behavioral patterns you may
use when you are feeling unsafe. They are responses triggered by childhood
memories, some of which may be subconscious. While these patterns may
have served you as a child by making you feel safe, they serve no purpose for
you as an adult. They prevent you from experiencing fulfillment and
happiness.

Exercise 2: What Do You Want to Change?

Directions: Choose one or more of the following writing prompts to identify
the patterns of thinking or behavior that you would like to change:

I want to give up my resistance toward:

I want to no longer feel triggered by:
The part of me that I want to learn to accept and be at peace with is:
_________________________________________________________________________

Exercise 3: Journaling to Channel Your Inner Child

Writing can be a powerful way to deal with confusing or challenging
experiences. It can help you process and clarify your experiences. In this
way, writing can also help you gain access to your inner child.
Keeping a journal can help you recognize patterns which you may want to
change. Many of these patterns may have developed in childhood. To identify
the patterns you have kept, try journaling from the viewpoint of your inner
child. The following exercise will guide you through this process:

1. Identify a pattern of behavior or thinking that you want to change.

2. To the best of your ability, determine when you may have adopted
this pattern.
3. Step out of your adult frame of mind and reconnect with yourself as a
child. You can do this by looking at a childhood photo or by
visualizing yourself as a child.
4. When you have accessed your childhood mindset, write down any
memories you have of the events that occurred at that age. Also,
write down any emotions you remember experiencing that were
associated with those events.
5. When writing, do not think about it too much. Instead, write down
whatever comes to mind. Let your writing flow as thoughts appear.
By doing this, you will gain insight into your inner child’s pain.
Chapter Writing Prompts
Inner child writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your
subconscious mind and connect with your inner child. When a writing
prompt asks you to write from the child’s viewpoint, try your best to step out
of your adult mindset and try to perceive the situation through the child’s
eyes.
When you have accessed your childhood mindset, write down any memories
you have of the events that occurred at that age. Also, write down any
emotions you remember experiencing that were associated with those events.
When writing, do not think about it too much. Instead, write down whatever
comes to mind. Let your writing flow as your thoughts appear. By doing
this, you will gain insight into your inner child’s pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. In your mind, visualize yourself as a child. As you visualize this,

what do you notice? How does the child feel? What emotions come
up when you imagine this?
2. If you could speak to your inner child at this moment, what would
you tell them? What can you do to offer them support, love, or
reassurance?
3. What could you do to reconnect with your body and support your
inner child’s physical well-being?
4. As a child, were there boundaries that you had difficulty with? How
have those boundaries affected you as an adult?
 Chapter 2: Nurturing Your Inner
Child
In Chapter 1, you began an inquiry about your inner child by identifying the
patterns of thoughts and behaviors that do not support your happiness. Your
inner child adopted these patterns to feel safe. However, these patterns no
longer support your happiness. The challenge is that we resist facing our
inner child because the inner child is a source of painful memories. It is
easier to rationalize or deny this pain's existence than face it.
Your inner child has been abandoned. You have disowned it by repressing its
existence. The only way to feel like you are being your authentic self is to
reconnect with your inner child and build trust. The following sections will
guide you on how to start the process.

Creating a Safe Space

Before you can heal your inner child, you first need to gain its trust. From a
psychological perspective, you need to be more compassionate with yourself.
You can be more compassionate toward yourself by stopping judging
yourself and being kind to yourself. By doing so, you will create less
resistance toward yourself. By lowering your resistance to yourself, you will
be better able to understand the needs of your inner child.
The following exercises are intended to generate greater self-compassion and
bring about relaxation or self-soothing. Learning how to do these things will
allow you to regulate your emotions whenever you find yourself triggered by
your subconscious memories.
Exercise 1: Validating Your Inner Child
Directions:

1. In the spaces provided below, list the names of those you love and
care about or those who make you feel safe.
_________________________________________________________________________

2. Next, get relaxed. You can do that by taking a couple of deep

breaths. When you feel relaxed, imagine yourself as a child and
surrounded by the people you listed in Step 1.
As you imagine the people on your list, hear them tell you the following:

"You make me so happy."

"You're so special to me."
"I want to take care of all your needs."
"I will always be here for you."
"I will keep you safe."
"I am so proud of you."
“You are so beautiful.”
As you hear these words, pay attention to the feelings you are experiencing.
Embrace those feelings and know that you are loved and accepted.
Exercise 2: Being Mindful of Breath
Being mindful of the breath is one of the oldest methods for calming the
mind. It also demonstrates compassion for yourself and is a way to soothe
yourself.
Directions: To do this exercise, do the following:

1. Get into a comfortable position.

2. Inhale deeply and exhale slowly. Repeat this step three times.
 3. Breathe normally.
4. Close your eyes and place your attention on your breath. Notice the
sensations you experience in your body as you breathe in and out.
5. Whenever you find yourself distracted by your thoughts, return your
attention to your breath.
6. Repeat this exercise daily until you feel comfortable and reach a calm
state. After that, you can use it whenever you feel you need it.

Exercise 3: Write a Letter to Honor Yourself

Directions: In the space below, do the following:

1. Make a list of eight qualities that you most like about yourself.
Examples of qualities may include:

Aspects of your physical appearance.

Aspects of your personality.
Things that you have done in the past that you are proud of.
Any knowledge, skills, or talents that you may have.

2. Next, list how these qualities have benefited you in the past.
3. Finally, think about what you could do to honor those qualities.

________________________________________________________________________
Exercise 4: Create a Self-Care Plan
Directions: To create the self-care plan, do the following:

1. Make a list of the activities that give you a sense of well-being.

When choosing your activities, include two types of activities: impromptu
and planned.
Impromptu activities are ones that you can do anywhere at any time.
Examples include:
 Breathing exercises
Running
Meditation
Walking
Planned activities may require special equipment or a specific time or place.
Examples include:

Hiking
Swimming
Going to dinner or the movies
Spending time with friends
Getting a massage

2. When you have completed your list, make two copies. Keep one
copy at home. Post this copy in a place where you will see it every
day. This will serve as a reminder for you. Keep the second copy on
your person so you will have it whenever you are out.
3. Commit each day to doing at least one of your activities.

Reconnecting with Playfulness and Joy

In the previous section, you did exercises to create a safe place for yourself.
This safe place is where you can calm yourself and validate your feelings. It
is also a space for affirming your self-worth. By doing this, you have
established a foundation to permit yourself to play and experience joy.
Allowing yourself to play and experience joy is a way of nurturing your inner
child and your subconscious memories that see validation.
Instead of resisting these memories and the feelings they evoke, you focus on
play and enjoyment. This is important for connecting with your inner child's
subconscious memories.
The following exercises will allow your adult self to remember what it is like
to play again. Remember, part of inner child healing is experiencing those
things that your inner child may have missed out on. You will begin moving
beyond your wounded child by learning how to play again.
Exercise 5: Bringing Back the Good Times!
Directions: Use the space below to write down all the activities you used to
have fun doing but gave up. When you complete your list, reincorporate them
into your daily life.
________________________________________________________________________
Chapter Writing Prompts
Inner child writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your
subconscious mind and connect with your inner child. When a writing
prompt asks you to write from the child’s viewpoint, try your best to step out
of your adult mindset and try to perceive the situation through the child’s
eyes.
When you have accessed your childhood mindset, write down any memories
you have of the events that occurred at that age. Also, write down any
emotions you remember experiencing that were associated with those events.
When writing, do not think about it too much. Instead, write down whatever
comes to mind. Let your writing flow as thoughts appear. By doing this, you
will gain insight into your inner child’s pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. Rewrite your childhood narrative the way you would like it to be.
What does your rewritten childhood narrative look like? How would
your life change if you lived by your new narrative?
2. What made you feel powerless as a child? What could you do to
reclaim your power and support your inner child?
3. If you could create a safe and nurturing environment for your inner
child, what would that environment look like? How could you make
that environment real for you?
4. What childhood memories do you have that need healing? How
could you revisit those memories and provide comfort to your inner
child?
5. What negative or distorted beliefs did your inner child take on? What
could you do to challenge and change those beliefs?
 Chapter 3: Healing Emotional
Wounds
In Chapter 1 of this workbook, you learned that each of us has childhood
memories that are retained into adulthood. Sometimes those memories are
painful, resulting in their being suppressed and unconscious. Though
unconscious, their memories continue to affect our lives. These unconscious
memories are within our inner child.
In Chapter 2, you learned about nurturing your inner child by providing them
with a safe space and the opportunity to play and have fun. You allowed your
adult self to engage in these feelings and behaviors. In this chapter, you will
learn about healing your inner child.

How Do I Heal My Inner Child?

Everyone has a wounded inner child, as no parent is perfect, no matter how
much they loved and supported you. For example, a child may have had
parents who worked most of the time to support them.
While the parents worked hard to give their child the best life possible, their
absence may have created an emotional wound in the child that became
subconscious. The ability of adults to parent is only as great as their level of
awareness. In turn, parents carry the wounded inner child they received from
their parents. As adults, our wounded inner child may take on the form of our
inner critic, that voice that tells us we are not good enough.
Healing your inner child involves acknowledging these memories and
developing strategies so you can move beyond them. This allows you to
gradually and safely get in touch with the wounded parts of your being.
Doing this brings awareness to the wounded part of you without judgment. It
is the same action a loving mother would take when trying to understand
what her child is going through. Once one understands the nature of one's
sufferings, one can develop healthy strategies to address them. To
accomplish this, you first need to connect with your inner adult. What is your
inner adult? To answer that question, we first need to go back to the inner
child.
The subconscious memories of your childhood may continue to play out in
your adult life. As an adult, your inner child may still influence some of your
thoughts and behaviors. In contrast, your inner adult is that part of you that
can think rationally and make thoughtful decisions. It is the part of you that
has always existed in you. However, in certain situations, it may become
eclipsed by your subconscious memories and absorb your attention.

Uncovering Emotional Wounds

You are not one self but a conglomerate of separate selves, two of which are
your inner child and your adult self. Healing comes when we can
communicate with these separate selves, which is done through inner
dialogue. Before the healing can occur, one must first understand the nature
of the wound that needs healing. The following are exercises for conducting
an inner dialogue with your inner child.
Exercise 1: Identifying Your Inner Child's Beliefs
1. Think back to a time as a child when you felt hurt or neglected. As
you reflect on this, write down any words that come to you that
describe how you felt about the experience:
Example:

Abandoned
Helpless
Angry
 Scared
Unloved
Unworthy
________________________________________________________________________

2. Think about the statements your parents would frequently make to

you and write them down.
Example:

“Why can't you listen?”

“Why do you always do that?”
“Stop being a baby!”
“You drive me crazy!”
“Stop your crying!
“Wait till your father comes home!”
________________________________________________________________________

3. Next, reflect on your parents’ relationship with each other.

Example:

They frequently fought.

They did not talk much to each other.
My father was domineering and controlling.
They did not spend much time together.
There was tension between them.
________________________________________________________________________
The previous three steps to this exercise were intended to recall your
childhood experience. These experiences may have shaped how you felt
about yourself as a child. These experiences played a role in forming your
beliefs about yourself.
Use your inner dialogue to connect with your inner child by becoming quiet
and paying attention to whatever thoughts come to you. What negative
beliefs did your inner child create about themselves based on the previous
three steps of this exercise? You can use the following prompts to help you
identify these beliefs:
"I am ________."
"I am not_____."
“I cannot________.”
"I will never____."
The following are examples of beliefs:
• I am not a good person.
• I am not worthy.
• I cannot trust anyone.
• I am not lovable.
• I will never be successful in life.
• It is my fault.
• I am stupid.
• I am ugly.
• I cannot do anything right.
• I will never be successful.
Record your beliefs in the space below.
_________________________________________________________________________
Reflect on what you experienced in doing this exercise, and then answer the
following questions:

1. What negative experiences from childhood continue to affect your

life today as an adult?
2. How do these experiences impact your life today?
Reflect on these questions and write your response in a journal. When
writing, include anything that comes to mind.
By doing this exercise, you will have used your inner voice to connect with
your inner child. You will have taken the first step in the healing process:
identifying how your inner child impacts your life today.

Releasing Past Traumas

In the last section, you learned how to identify the part of your inner child
that needs healing. When you have identified it, the next step is to release
past traumas from your mind and body. Regardless of what subconscious
memories we may have from childhood, the consequences of those memories
will create stress in the body. One approach to healing is to reduce that
stress. Fortunately, one of the most powerful stress busters is your breath.
The challenge is that most of us do not breathe properly. We often take
shallow breaths instead of deep ones. Shallow breathing is often due to
stress. It can start when we are young and become a habit that lasts a
lifetime.

A Society of Shallow Breathers

Though breathing occurs involuntarily, we can develop bad habits by
repeatedly breathing improperly. Many people have developed the habit of
breathing in, holding the air in their chest area, and exhaling. In doing so, the
lungs are not fully filled. When breathing properly, the breath should fill the
lungs, meaning breathing needs to involve the diaphragm.
The diaphragm draws air into the lungs during inhalation and forces it out
during exhalation. When we do not pay attention to our breathing, the air we
breathe in remains in the chest area instead. When this occurs, we start
depending on the intercostal muscles between the ribs to work harder.
One theory for why we have developed shallow breathing habits is that we
live in a society filled with stress. To deal with that stress, we have blocked
out many negative emotions. We often hold back our sorrow, pain, or shock.
When we hold back our emotions, we also hold back our breath, which
becomes irregular. Further, we automatically take shallow breaths when
feeling threatened or experiencing strong emotions.
These kinds of responses are expressions of the fight-or-flight response.
During such times, our muscles contract, making us tense and affecting our
breath. Such breathing patterns can begin early in life and become a habit by
adulthood. Shallow breathing can cause stress as a result of the insufficient
amount of oxygen flowing through the body. Further, research has shown that
this breathing-stress pattern is elevated when browsing through social media.
Researchers theorized that this elevation in the breathing-stress pattern comes
from the continuous processing of stressful content. The stressful information
brings about tension in the body and shallow breathing. The researchers
concluded that stress brings about shallow breathing, while shallow breathing
brings about stress. Unless there is a change in breathing habits, these
patterns become habitual (Desai, 2020).
Another proposed theory for the ubiquity of shallow breathing patterns has to
do with our standards for beauty. In an American culture where slimness is
favored, many people—particularly women—suck in their stomachs to
improve their physical appearance.
When the abdomen is sucked in, deep breathing is not possible. What
happens is that the stomach is sucked in when breathing in and pushed out
when exhaling, which is the opposite of correct breathing. When breathing
correctly, the belly is filled with air and contracted when exhaling. We can
dramatically change our mental and physical well-being by improving our
breathing. What is great about using breathing techniques is that they are
available to all of us; they are natural and safe.
Mindful Breathing
Everyone can practice mindful breathing due to its simplicity. Mindful
breathing means paying attention to one’s breath and the sensations that
accompany it. When performing mindful breathing, you are not changing
how you breathe. Rather you are becoming aware of it.
By bringing your attention to your breathing, you are brought into the present
moment instead of being caught up in thought. Mindful breathing is often
used in conjunction with different behavioral therapies, including dialectical
behavior, cognitive-behavioral, and acceptance and commitment therapies.

How Mindful Breathing Impacts the Mind and

Body
Mindful breathing brings about relaxation and improved moods, but how
does it do this? The answer to this question lies in the connection that exists
between our bodies and emotions.
How we use our bodies affects how we feel emotionally. For example, if you
stand straight and hold up your head, you will feel more confident. You will
feel less confident if you hold your head down and slump your shoulders. If
you smile, you will feel happier than before you smiled. These are just a few
examples of how changes in the body affect us emotionally.
If you are in a comfortable situation and feel relaxed, your breathing will
slow and deepen. The parasympathetic nervous system creates the effects of
relaxation. When stressed or anxious, our breath will be short and shallow.
Often, we will breathe through our mouths while not breathing fully. Also,
our breath may only reach the top area of our lungs.
The restriction of airflow to the body may lead to feelings of tension and
discomfort. In these situations, your breathing affects your mind and body.
Also, the triggering of the sympathetic nervous system creates the resulting
anxiety.
Mindful breathing techniques lower stress levels by making our breathing
intentional. They cause us to breathe deeply and to notice the flow of the in
and out breath. Deep breathing fills our lungs, which increases the
oxygenation of the body and triggers the body’s relaxation state.
The reason why many mindfulness and yoga techniques are effective in
inducing relaxation is that they call for us to place our attention on the breath.
Placing our attention on the breath induces relaxation and causes us to
breathe slower and deeper while shifting our attention away from our
thoughts.

Benefits of Mindful Breathing

The benefits of mindful breathing are broad and encompass both the mental
and physical realms.
Pain Relief
Mindful breathing is effective in lowering pain levels and intensity. It has
been recommended that further studies be conducted to determine if mindful
breathing could provide an alternative to opioids for those who suffer from
migraines, lower back pain, fibromyalgia, and other chronic pain conditions.
There are reports of mindful breathing being used by patients undergoing
cancer treatment. It appears that mindful breathing can lessen symptoms,
lessen pain, and reduce the side effects of chemotherapy, such as fatigue,
nausea, and anxiety. Mindful breathing also appears to improve immune
system functioning (Zeidan & Vago, 2016).
Anxiety Reduction
Mindful breathing exercises have been shown to activate the parasympathetic
nervous system while deactivating the sympathetic nervous system. The
fight-or-flight response, which is how an organism reacts to a threatening
situation, is connected to the sympathetic nervous system.
The parasympathetic nervous system kicks in when the organism no longer
feels threatened. Its function is to calm the body and return it to a relaxed
state. Blood pressure is lowered, and the heart rate slows down. These
actions reduced anxiety levels.
Because of mindful breathing’s ability to induce a relaxed state, some believe
that it may help reduce job burnout, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and
cynicism (Flook et al., 2013).
Reduced Negativity
Mindful breathing has been demonstrated to reduce negative thinking, which
is often associated with individuals experiencing depression. The reduction of
negative thinking is accompanied by an improved mood (Zeidan & Vago,
2016).
Diminished Anxiety
Research has demonstrated that mindful breathing is an effective way to
manage anxiety. One study demonstrated that students who practiced mindful
breathing before taking a test experienced less test anxiety than those who did
not practice mindful breathing (Zeidan & Vago, 2016).
Reduction in Depression
Research suggests that mindful breathing techniques can lower depression
and PTSD symptoms. It is believed that these benefits are due to the
activation of the parasympathetic nervous system (Zeidan & Vago, 2016).

Breathing and the Relaxation Response

To better understand how different breathing techniques create a relaxation
response, we can use a breathing technique known as cardiac coherence as an
example. Cardiac coherence is a technique for coordinating breathing patterns
with one’s heart rate. One can stabilize one’s heart rate by slowing one's
breathing rate.
Cardiac coherence is based on the fact that slow, deep breathing affects the
vagus nerve, stabilizing the activity of many internal organs. A sense of calm
spreads through the body as the heart rate slows, blood pressure drops, and
the muscles relax. In turn, the parasympathetic nervous system informs the
brain of these changes, which brings a sense of relaxation to the mind.
The cardiac coherence technique involves inhaling for five seconds and then
exhaling for the same length. In other words, the inhalation and exhalation
cycle lasts ten seconds. Research using biofeedback machines demonstrates
that practicing the cardiac coherence technique results in increased
consistency regarding the amount of time between heartbeats. Because of this
change in heart rate, there is an anxiety reduction.
But you do not have to do coherence breathing to feel more relaxed. There
has been much research to show that we can reduce stress and negative
emotions whenever we intentionally place our attention on our breath. The
following are the steps to perform mindful breathing:
Mindful Breathing
1. Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
2. Breathe naturally as you focus on the sensations you experience as
the air enters and leaves your body.
3. As you breathe in, say to yourself, "Breathing in, I experience calm."
As you exhale, say, "Breathing out, I experience calm."
4. Fully experience the sensations as you breathe and focus on your
breath's flow. Make the flow of your breath the focus of your
attention. Let your breath flow naturally; do not attempt to control it
in any way.
5. As you focus on your breath, feel the soothing experience that your
breath brings.
6. If you have any concerns, surrender to them by returning your focus
to your breath. Take refuge in the inner peace that your breath
brings.
7. Maintain your focus on your in and out breath. Make this your
anchor point whenever your mind wanders.
8. Whenever worrisome thoughts arise, allow them to appear but return
your attention to your breath. Do this repeatedly until the worrisome
thought fades away.

Intentional Breathing
When breathing properly, we take deep and full breaths. Doing so relieves
stress and brings about a sense of well-being. We breathe correctly when we
become intentional in our breathing.
Intentional breathing differs from other breathing techniques described in this
book in that the emphasis is on allowing for the natural flow of the breath,
which is from the top of the lungs downward during inhalation and from the
bottom up during exhalation.
Before attempting intentional breathing, it is important to keep the following
in mind:

Intentional breathing takes practice. For most people, it does not

come naturally. This is because most of us do not breathe properly
out of habit. Because of this, you may find intentional breathing
awkward, strange, or difficult. This kind of reaction is normal. Be
patient with yourself and approach intentional breathing as a new
learning experience that will take time before you become skillful
at it.
When practicing intentional breathing, do not push yourself. If you
feel uncomfortable doing it, take a break from it and try it again
later when you feel up to it.
Having said this, the following are the steps to intentional breathing:

1. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie on your back.

2. Place your attention on your breath. Notice how you breathe by
observing how your breath flows. Where does the flow of your
breath travel? Do you feel it in your upper chest, abdomen, back,
front, or sides?
3. Notice the flow of your breath without judging how you are
breathing. You may notice that your breathing rate slows down by
simply observing your breath.
4. Next, rest your right hand in the center of your chest. More
specifically, place it on the sternum, which is located just below the
center of your rib cage. Place your left hand on your abdomen, just
 below your navel.
5. Continue to breathe as you normally do. As you breathe, notice
where most of your breathing is taking place. Do you notice it more
under your right hand or left hand?
6. As you breathe, take note of how your body feels. What do you
notice as you place your attention on your body? Continue to take in
your experience for a minimum of 10 breaths.
7. Up until now, you have been instructed to breathe as you normally
do. You will now adjust your breathing. Focus on breathing from
where your right hand is positioned. Notice how it feels. Do you
notice anything different from what you experienced in the previous
step?
8. As you continue to breathe from your right hand, see if you can slow
down the rate of your inhalations. As you do this, notice how that
feels. Continue to do this step for 10–20 breaths. After 10–20
breaths, breathe a few times deeply and then go back to your normal
way of breathing.
9. Next, focus on breathing from your left hand, which is positioned on
your abdomen. As you do so, notice how breathing feels from this
space. Continue to do this step for 10–20 breaths. After 10–20
breaths, breathe a few times deeply and then go back to your normal
way of breathing.
10. In this step, you will take half breaths as you go from one hand to
the next. First, inhale halfway from your right hand, pause for a
second, and then complete your inhalation from your left hand.
11. Pause for a second and reverse the steps by exhaling halfway from
your left hand and then completing the exhalation from beneath your
right hand.
12. Continue with your next inhalation by breathing from your right
hand and letting it flow to your left hand. When exhaling, let it come
from your left hand and flow to your right hand. Continue to do this
step for 10–20 breaths. After 10–20 breaths, breathe a few times
 deeply and then go back to your normal way of breathing.
13. Lastly, try to breathe fully and deeply from your right hand as you
inhale and from your left hand to your right hand when you exhale.
Do so without any pauses. When doing this step, try extending the
length of your exhalations so they are of a longer duration than your
inhalations. If it is helpful, you can count your breaths to determine
if your exhalations are longer than your inhalations. After 10–20
breaths, breathe a few times deeply and then go back to your normal
way of breathing.

Notice how you are feeling after the last step. Did you find this exercise
difficult? Did breathing fully and slowly seem strange to you? How do you
feel emotionally and physically? What about your level of energy? Notice all
these things. Intentional breathing takes practice, but it can become second
nature to you with enough practice.
As mentioned before, most of us do not breathe properly, which is why we
often feel stressed. Intentional breathing represents the proper way to breathe.
It involves taking full breaths and breathing from the top down during
inhalations and from the bottom up during exhalations. With continued
practice, you will experience the mental, emotional, and physical benefits of
taking full, deep, and slow breaths.
Besides mindful and intentional breathing, there are other breathing
techniques that can help you manage stress and bring about calmness. This
can lead to greater awareness of the thoughts and emotions we are
experiencing, which further helps you connect with your inner child. The
following are other breathing techniques:
4-7-8 Breathing
When first learning 4-7-8 breathing, it is advisable to practice at least twice a
day. Additionally, you should only do four cycles of breathing per day until
you become used to this technique. It is normal to feel lightheaded when first
practicing this exercise.

1. Sit in a comfortable position while sitting straight.

2. Place your tongue so it is pressed against the back of your upper
 teeth.
3. Exhale fully from your mouth, allowing the air to flow around your
tongue.
4. Inhale through your nose while keeping your mouth closed. Inhale
for a count of four.
5. Hold your breath for a seven count.
6. Exhale through the mouth for a count of eight. You may experience a
whooshing sound when doing this. Doing this completes one cycle.
7. Repeat for three additional cycles.

Basic Diaphragm Breathing

When first learning this breathing technique, you should perform it while
lying on the floor.

1. Get into a relaxed position with your shoulders sinking downward.

2. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen.
3. Breathing normally, inhale through your nose until you cannot take
in any more air.
4. Focus on your breath as it travels from your nostrils to your
abdomen. Try to keep chest movement to a minimum.
5. Notice the way your abdomen rises and the sensations you
experience.
6. Pull your lips inward as if you were drinking through a straw and
exhale. When exhaling, do so slowly for four seconds as your
abdomen contracts.
7. Repeat these steps several times.
Besides breathing techniques, meditation is also an effective way to release
past traumas. Meditation is the topic of the next section.
Meditation
Meditation is another effective technique for releasing past trauma. It offers
major benefits to well-being:
Cultivate Compassion
Meditation expands one’s awareness while providing greater clarity about
one’s experiences. When this occurs, a greater capacity for compassion is
formed. This is particularly true for Metta meditation, which we will discuss
in this chapter. By repeating compassionate phrases to yourself, you will
develop greater self-compassion.
When you develop greater self-compassion, you will be able to reduce the
effects of negative emotions such as feelings of:

Self-doubt
Unworthiness
Judgment
Anger
Self-criticism
A study demonstrated that meditation was effective in increasing self-
compassion in individuals who have post-traumatic stress disorder (Orentas,
2021).
Reduce Anxiety and Stress
Meditation has been shown to reduce stress and anxiety. As your self-
compassion grows, you will start to develop a more positive view of yourself.
Developing a more positive view of yourself will lead to experiencing
positive emotions more frequently. The emotions of love and gratitude have
been shown to reduce anxiety and stress.
Pain Reduction
Research has shown that meditation can reduce pain levels in some physical
conditions. In the study, it was found that participants who suffered from
lower back pain and migraine headaches were able to reduce their level of
pain through meditation. The researchers concluded that emotional stress
aggravates physical pain, so reducing stress reduced their experience of pain
(Carson et al., 2005).
Longer Life
Telomeres are structures located on chromosomes; they protect genetic
information. Telomeres grow shorter with age, which causes the body to age.
Chronic stress can speed up the aging process. Meditation has been shown to
slow down the aging process (Hoge, 2013).
Strengthen Social Connections
Certain meditations, such as Metta meditation, involve reciting phrases to
yourself. These phrases are self-affirming and may lead to you becoming
kinder and more compassionate to yourself. The kindness and compassion
that you offer yourself will cause you to extend them to others, which
strengthens social connections.
Become Less Reactive
When one learns to meditate, one changes how one relates to thoughts and
emotions. Normally, we identify with or personalize our thoughts and
emotions. In other words, if I have a worrisome thought, I tell myself I am
worried. If I feel anger, I tell myself that I am angry.
Meditation allows you to calm your mind. In calming your mind, you
develop greater awareness of your thoughts and emotions. You can sense
them coming and going. However, the difference is that you begin to lose
identification with them. Instead of personalizing them, you learn to observe
them.
Being able to do this brings about an attitude of acceptance; you no longer
resist your thoughts and emotions. This attitude of acceptance allows your
inner child to express itself, which brings about healing freely.

Suggestions When Meditating

Many people have trouble meditating. The following are suggestions to help
you:

Be patient with yourself: The ability to meditate takes time and

practice.
Let go of expectations: When meditating, do not have any
expectations of what should or should not be happening.
Do not judge: Do not judge anything that you experience.
Be willing to experiment: Try meditating in different places, at
different times, and with different environments (i.e., music
playing, incense, or photographs of people you love).
The following are different meditations for healing your inner child:
Appreciation Meditation
1. Sit down in a comfortable position and close your eyes.
2. Now breathe deeply, hold your breath briefly, then exhale.
3. Follow your breath during inhalation and exhalation. Place your
attention on your breath. Feel it as it courses through your body.
4. Think of someone or something you love. As you think of your
subject, think of the reasons why you appreciate them. Fully
experience your feelings.
5. As you experience these energies, intensify them by employing your
other senses, such as touch, hearing, smelling, and taste. To do this,
add these other sensory dimensions to your mind's representation of
your subject.
Example: If I am thinking of my spouse, I would also imagine her
touching me, hearing her voice, smelling her perfume, and tasting her
kiss.

6. By engaging your other senses, the feelings of appreciation will be

experienced more deeply.
 7. Next, think of a person for whom you have neutral feelings. For
example, it could be the store clerk where you do your shopping or
the person who delivers your mail.
8. Think about what you can appreciate about this person.
9. As before, fully experience the feelings you are having and try to
intensify them.
10. Now, think of someone who irritates you.
11. Think about what you can appreciate about them.
12. Fully experience the feelings you are having and try to intensify
them.
13. Now, think of someone you hate.
14. What can you appreciate about them?
15. Fully experience the feelings you are having and try to intensify
them.
16. Now, think about yourself. What can you appreciate about yourself?
17. Fully experience the feelings you are having and try to intensify
them.
This is the end of this exercise.
The level of your appreciation has less to do with the world around you than
it does with your ability to take charge of your energy level. Emotional
mastery is the ability to generate appreciation for any experience you may
have.
Metta Meditation
In the Pali language, the word “Metta” translates to positive energy or
kindness. For this reason, this meditation is also known as the “loving-
kindness” meditation. The purpose of Metta meditation is to develop positive
emotions toward all living beings. Such emotions would include compassion,
gratitude, appreciation, and love.
For inner child work, recite positive phrases to yourself and those from whom
you wish to release your hurt or anger. The following are examples of
phrases you can repeat:

May I be peaceful, free of suffering, and safe.

May I be healthy. May I be happy.
May I be confident and strong.
When repeating your phrase, it is important that you do it mindfully. Focus
on the phrase and the emotions that you experience. The Metta meditation
can be performed anywhere. To do it, do the following:

1. Find a comfortable place to sit and close your eyes.

2. Take a deep, slow breath through your nose and then continue to
breathe deeply.
3. Pay attention to your breath. Feel the sensations created by your
breath as it travels through your body.
4. Focus on your heart and then silently recite your phrase to yourself.
5. As you repeat the phrase, recognize the meaning of the phrase and
the way that it makes you feel. Continue to repeat the phrase.
6. Next, think about someone you know and recite the phrase to them.
As before, recognize the meaning of the phrase and focus on how it
makes you feel.
7. Then think about someone who is an acquaintance or someone you
do not know well. Recite the phrase to them. As before, recognize the
meaning of the phrase and focus on how it makes you feel.
8. Finally, think about someone who is difficult to get along with.
Recite the phrase to them. As before, recognize the meaning of the
phrase and focus on how it makes you feel.
When doing this meditation, you can also employ visualization. You can
visualize your breath flowing through you, your heart, or the person you are
thinking of.
Also, you can change your phrases while doing this meditation.
Gratitude Meditation
1. Sit down in a comfortable position.
2. With your eyes closed, place your attention on your breath as you
breathe normally.
3. Focus on the sensations you experience as your breath enters your
body during inhalation and leaves it during exhalation.
4. Be open to everything you experience without any form of judgment
or resistance. Greet every experience with complete acceptance.
5. Whenever you find yourself distracted, gently return your awareness
to your breath.
6. Everything you experience is an opportunity to express gratitude:

You can experience gratitude for a person, a pet, or nature.

You can express gratitude for the challenges you have experienced
and what you gained from them.
You can express gratitude for being alive.

7. When you find yourself experiencing gratitude, try to intensify that

feeling. Place your awareness on the feeling of gratitude. What
happens when you focus on the emotion of gratitude? You can use
this technique to intensify any emotion or feeling you experience.
8. Allow yourself to experience the emotion of gratitude as deeply as
possible.
9. If you have trouble with this exercise, keep practicing this meditation
until you experience the level of gratitude you desire.
In addition to breathing techniques and meditation, another way to work on
inner healing is through journaling, which is the topic of the next section.
Journaling
Journaling is another effective way of releasing trauma. By writing about
what you are thinking and feeling, you are drawing them out of yourself and
externalizing them. In other words, you are bringing them out into the light
of your awareness. When you externalize your thoughts and feelings, they
lose their potency, which brings about healing.
Each day, write about what you are thinking and feeling. You can also write
from the perspective of your inner child. Inquire with your inner child about
what they are experiencing and what they may need from you.
Chapter Writing Prompts
Inner child writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your
subconscious mind and connect with your inner child. When a writing
prompt asks you to write from the child’s viewpoint, try your best to step out
of your adult mindset and try to perceive the situation through the child’s
eyes.
When you have accessed your childhood mindset, write down any memories
you have of the events that occurred at that age. Also, write down any
emotions you remember experiencing that were associated with those events.
When writing, do not think about it too much. Instead, write down whatever
comes to mind. Let your writing flow as thoughts appear. By doing this, you
will gain insight into your inner child’s pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. What mistakes did you make as a child that still affect you? How
could you begin to practice forgiveness for yourself and let go of
your guilt or shame?
2. What are the ways that your inner child experienced abandonment?
What could you do to address your inner child’s pain and make it feel
safe?
3. What critical comments were made to you when you were a child?
How did these comments affect your self-image? How could you
reframe those comments so that they support you in your healing?
4. What situations trigger you as an adult? Those situations are
triggering your wounded inner child. What could you do to address
those triggers or situations so that they support you in healing?
5. How did the dynamics of your family affect your inner child? What
could you do to address and heal those patterns of thinking or
feeling?
6. Connecting with nature has a healing and grounding effect. How
could you use nature to heal your inner child and promote your
growth?
7. What are ways that you can start letting go of the need to control
things so that your inner child can feel more secure and supported?
8. What are your inner child’s passions? What could you do to support
and nurture those passions?
9. What losses did your inner child experience? What could you do to
grieve those losses and heal them?
10. Did your inner child experience traumatic events? What could you
do to address those memories and heal them?
11. How can you bring balance to your life so that you can support your
inner child’s healing?
12. What can you do to address and heal the shame that your inner child
experienced?
13. Your imperfections are not negative. Rather, they serve a positive
function and indicate an opportunity for further growth. What can
you do to teach your inner child that it is okay to make mistakes?
14. Seeking professional support can be valuable for healing your inner
child. What can you do to seek professional help? If you are
resistant to seeking professional support, why is that? What has it
cost you to think that way?
15. Spiritual practices can be invaluable in inner child healing. What can
you do to learn about the various spiritual teachings? How can you
incorporate those practices into your life to heal the inner child?
16. What rituals or routines can you adopt to nourish and support the
well-being of your inner child?
17. How could you incorporate mindfulness into your life for the
purpose of creating a deeper connection with your inner child?
 Chapter 4: Reconnecting with
Authenticity
In Chapter 1, you learned how to understand your inner child. In Chapter 2,
you learned how to nurture your child. Chapter 3 addressed how to heal
emotional wounds. In this chapter, you will learn how to reconnect with your
authentic self.
Connecting with and healing your inner child means integrating it with your
conscious self. In other words, you are losing the fragmentation that occurs
when you continue to suppress this aspect of yourself.
As you integrate your unconscious aspects with your conscious self, you
bring forth your authentic self. Your authentic self refers to the state of
awareness where you embrace every aspect of who you are.

Embracing Your True Self

Being authentic involves reflecting on your past decisions and seeing how
they align with what feels right for you. We frequently compromise our
feelings to meet the expectations of others or societal norms.
Your authentic self is the essential you; it is the truth of who you are. It is
about doing what feels right for you and following your passion. When you
are authentic, you live in a way that gives you peace of mind.
Exercise 1: Life Balance Sheet
Directions: In this exercise, you will reflect on your childhood perspective
and compare it to your life today. To prepare for the exercise, get a piece of
writing paper and fold it in half lengthwise to form two columns. Also, get a
second sheet of paper, which you will not need to fold.

1. Take a moment to relax and close your eyes.

2. Think back to your earliest memories as a child. As you do, think
about the following questions. When you get an answer, write your
response on the left-hand side of the paper:
a) As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
b) What was your earliest memory of being happy?
c) Regarding this memory, what were you doing at that moment?
d) Were there others with you at this time? If so, who were they?
e) How were you feeling at that time? How right did that moment feel to
you? Rate that feeling on a scale of 0–10, with 10 being the highest.

3. Next, use the right side of the paper to respond to the following
questions:
a) As an adult, what are you doing today?
b) Did anyone influence your decision to go into your line of work? If so,
who?
c) Did your current job turn out to be what you expected it to be?
d) Were there aspects of your personality that were enhanced by getting
into your line of work?
e) What is the story you tell yourself as to why you entered your current
position?
f) Did you choose your position, or did your career choose you?

4. Next, get the second sheet of paper and answer the following
questions:
a) Think about when you were happy most recently. What were you doing
at that moment?
 b) Was there anyone with you at that time? If so, who were they?
c) Were you feeling any other emotions besides happiness?
d) How right did that moment feel to you? Rate that feeling on a scale of 0-
10, with 10 being the highest.
e) Has the way you experience happiness changed for you since you were a
child?
f) Do you feel like you are being true to yourself? Do you feel that you are
being your authentic self?
g) In what parts of your life do you feel you can express your authentic
self? Is it a relationship, your job, or an area of interest?

5. Next, take the first paper and review your responses. As you do so,
answer the following questions:
a) Do any of your responses regarding your past align with your current
life? Example: Did anything that brought you happiness as a child get
carried over to today?
b) Do you find anything on the first paper that catches your attention?
c) As for what you wanted to be when you grew up, does it align with
what you are doing today? If not, what happened?

6. Finally, compare your first sheet of paper with the second one and
answer the following questions:
a) Where do you see any alignment? Where do you see any disconnects?
b) There were aspects of your childhood where you felt you could be your
authentic self. Did any of these aspects remain with you over time?
c) What aspects of your authentic self were left behind?
d) What stands out to you the most after doing this exercise?
e) Do you plan to do anything about it?
It is important to note that living authentically does not necessarily mean
doing what you are passionate about. Living authentically sometimes means
doing what works for you.
Let's say you have a job that meets your financial needs. Though you would
rather be doing something you are passionate about, you need to take care of
your family. As long as you know this, you are being authentic. It is a
problem when you are unaware of what is authentic for you and continue to
go against it.
The most important thing is that you live your life in a way that makes sense
to you. This requires that you be aware of what feels authentic to you and do
your best to live your life accordingly.

Expressing Suppressed Emotions and Desires

As stated earlier, the inner child holds the memories from childhood that are
suppressed. However, childhood memories are not the only things that are
suppressed. We often also suppress our emotions, desires, and needs. To
become authentic, we need to get in touch with and embrace all these things.
Being able to experience and express your emotions is of great importance
for developing healthy relationships with yourself and others. The reason for
this is that emotions serve the following functions:

They help us understand ourselves by informing us of what we are

experiencing. Example: Does a certain situation bring about
feelings of happiness or fear?
Emotions help us understand others by showing us what they are
experiencing.
Emotions help us in decision-making by informing us of what we
are experiencing.
Emotions help us understand our desires and needs.
The following are exercises for getting in touch with your authentic self:
Exercise 2: A Letter from the Self
Directions: Write a letter to yourself expressing your deepest desires and
aspirations. As you write the letter, get in touch with the feelings you
experience.
Exercise 3: A Letter of Open Dialogue
Directions: In this exercise, you will conduct an open dialogue with your
inner child through letter form:
Take a moment to think back to your childhood memories but from an adult
perspective. Provide insights or your adult explanations for troubling
situations that, at the time, you did not understand.
By sharing your understanding with your inner child, you can help them
make sense of those situations, thus allowing them to begin healing.
You can also write to your inner child to offer reassurance, comfort, and
hope. As you write, ask your inner child questions such as:

How does that make you feel?

What can I do to support you?
What do you need for me?
When asking these questions, take time to sit with them and allow the
answers to come to you. Do not look for the answers.
Exercise 4: Creative Release
Directions: Engage in a creative activity that will allow you to express your
emotions. Examples of such creative activities include:

Drawing
Painting
Sculpting
Dancing
Music
 Writing

Exercise 5: Meditation for Observing Emotions

Directions: This meditation will allow you to explore your emotions without
getting caught up in them.

1. Get into a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2. Place your attention on your breath. Notice the sensations that you
experience as you breathe. Continue to do so until you feel relaxed.
3. Whenever you become distracted by thoughts, return your attention
to your breath.
4. Place your attention on any emotions that you may be experiencing.
Emotions can feel positive, neutral, or negative. Give your complete
acceptance of whatever emotion you may be experiencing. Do not try
to change it or dismiss it.
5. Stay with the feeling of the emotion. Make it the focus of your
attention.
6. Notice that you are the observer of the emotion. Be aware of it but
not caught up in it.
7. Stay with the emotion for as long as you wish. Notice that no
emotion can harm you when you observe it.
Chapter Writing Prompts
Inner child writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your
subconscious mind and connect with your inner child. When writing, do not
think about it too much. Instead, write down whatever comes to mind. Let
your writing flow as thoughts appear. By doing this, you will gain insight
into your inner child’s pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. If you could go back in time and talk to your childhood self, what
single piece of advice would you give them?
2. If you could go back in time and talk to your high school self, what
single piece of advice would you give them?
3. Think about a day in your life from five years ago and then compare
it to today. Has your life changed? If so, how has it changed? Is it a
change for the better?
4. Imagine in your mind your happiest place. Where is this place? What
do you see, smell, hear, and feel? What makes this place special to
you? What can you do to recreate this place where you are now?
5. Imagine working at your dream job. What are you doing? Where are
you? What does your workday look like? What is preventing you
from making this your real job?
6. When do you feel like you are being your most authentic self? Why
do you think that is? What is preventing you from being that way
more often?
7. What activities do you feel allow you to express your inner child?
Why do you think that is? What can you do to experience that more
frequently?
8. What is your biggest fear? Why is that?
9. What is it about you that makes you unique?
10. Select ten things about yourself that you love.
Chapter 5: Reparenting Your Inner
Child
In Chapter 1, you learned how to understand your inner child. In Chapter 2,
you learned to nurture your child. Chapter 3 addressed how to heal emotional
wounds. In Chapter 4, you learned how to reconnect with your authentic self.
In this chapter, you will learn how to reparent your inner child.
Before you started inner child work, your inner child had remained
abandoned. Without any adult guidance, it was allowed to remain fearful. In
the previous chapters of this workbook, you brought awareness to your inner
child, connected with it, gained its trust, and worked on nurturing it. Now it
is time to take charge of your inner child by letting it know that it no longer
has to fend for itself. It is time to show your inner child that it no longer has
to be afraid.

Becoming a Nurturing Parent to Your Inner Child

Reparenting your inner child involves learning how to care for yourself. It
involves detecting the old patterns of thinking and feeling that your inner
child drove and then replacing them with ones that support you in feeling
whole.
The essence of reparenting is learning to deal with your thoughts and
emotions responsibly but compassionately. For example, the next time you
feel triggered, acknowledge the feeling of being triggered and ask yourself,
"What can I do to soothe myself?" or "What can I do to make myself feel
safe?" By communicating with yourself compassionately and with nurture,
you are practicing self-parenting.
Affirmations
One way of developing a positive internal dialogue with yourself is to use
affirmations. Affirmations are words of empowerment that you say to
yourself. By repeating your affirmations enough times, you will create a new
way of thinking. The following are things to remember when using
affirmations:
Repetition
Habits are created when we repeat a behavior over a period of time, usually
between one and three months. When first repeating affirmations, it may
seem like nothing is happening. This is normal, so stick with it.
The greater the repetition, the more ingrained your affirmation will become in
your mind. It takes about a month of repetition before you experience
notable changes in how you think and feel.
Emotion
When you are repeating your affirmations, evoke emotion. Repeat your
affirmations with a sense of certainty as though their words are your current
reality. Also, select affirmations that resonate with you. Repeating
affirmations is ineffective if you do not believe what you are saying.
If, when repeating an affirmation, you feel a sense of calm or relief, you have
chosen the right affirmation. Also, affirmations are more effective when
repeated out loud.
Daily Affirmations
Directions: Select from the following affirmations that resonate with you.
Select your favorite ones and recite them three times daily. When reciting
them, be sure to express them with emotion. Do this for thirty days.
My life is a gift for me to discover and unwrap.
I am loved by the universe, and all my experiences are for my pruning.
I proudly express my beliefs and what I stand for.
I am proud and beautiful.
My dignity and worth as a human being are granted by my creator.
I am worthy of respect.
I am intelligent and wise.
I am intelligent and capable.
I am worthy because I exist.
I am loved. I give love. I am love.
I deserve all the good things that come to me.
I take time for self-care because I am worth it.
I honor myself by being true to who I am.
I have something to give to this world.
I celebrate life for giving me life.
I am a good person, and I am worthy.
I am a source of love, strength, and faith.
I honor and believe in myself.
My happiness is deserved because I exist.
I am more than enough to be successful.
I am good enough just being me.
I am worthy of respect and dignity.
I am worthy of appreciation.
I love myself for who I am.
I forgive others.
I am worthy of success.
I am committed to achieving my dreams.
I forgive myself.
I am committed to my success.
I am blessed with love.
I am blessed with faith and hope.
I embrace love.
I forgive the past and embrace the future.
I am blessed with hidden talents.
In the art of life, I am a masterpiece.
I have everything I need.
I am prosperous in heart and spirit.
I am proud of who I am.
I love myself just the way I am.
I am grateful for all my life’s experiences.
I am worthy; I deserve all the good things that come to me.
I am a loving and supportive friend.
I am healthy, strong, and beautiful.
My strength is in my vulnerability.
I am loved and supported by the universe.
My self-worth is without conditions.
I honor my feelings, for they are valid.
I heal myself by allowing myself to experience all that I feel.
I come closer to healing whenever I embrace my inner child.
I will achieve my dream life by taking full responsibility for my life.
I give my peace of mind the highest priority.
I allow myself to say “No” without guilt.
 I am worthy of respect and of giving respect.
It is by acknowledging my pain that I begin the process of healing.
I let go of guilt and embrace forgiveness for myself and others.
I and I alone determine how I want to be and live.
My personal happiness is more important than the expectations of others.
I celebrate my small victories.
I have faith in the person I am.
I am good enough, just as I am.
I honor my hopes and dreams.
Life loves me, and I love life.
I celebrate my progress in becoming a better person.
I accept myself for who I am because that is the way to victory.
Besides affirmations, there are other ways that you can become a nurturing
parent to your inner child. They include the following:
Create a Self-Parenting Vision Board
Directions: Get a poster board and attach images, words, and affirmations
that remind you of how you want to treat yourself. When completed, hang the
vision board where you will see it daily.
Create a Self-Care List
Directions: Make a list of activities you can engage in that soothe and
comfort you. Include activities like being in nature, meditating, taking a hot
bath, and so on. Always keep the list with you. Whenever you experience
negative thoughts about yourself, engage in one of the items on your list.
Setting boundaries is an important part of caring for your inner child. Setting
boundaries is the subject of the next section.
Setting Boundaries
What comes to mind when you hear the word “boundaries”? For many, this
word
brings thoughts of keeping others at a distance or rigidness. With a better
understanding of boundary setting, I believe that you will find a more
empowering meaning, such as liberation and self-empowerment.
Rather than creating distance or building walls, setting boundaries
demonstrates self-respect, growth, and peace of mind. Boundaries are rules
that you make for yourself to keep you feeling safe when engaging with
others. In doing so, you are demonstrating self-love.
When you create boundaries and communicate them to others, you are
creating an environment where you can feel safe while letting others know of
your needs. Doing this can help minimize misunderstandings or arguments.
Since you create your boundaries so that you can feel safe, you can be
flexible with them. As your relationships with others evolve, you can adjust
your boundaries as you see fit. Boundaries should be created for any kind of
relationship, as setting boundaries lets others know how you want to be
treated.
Why Boundaries Are Important
Imagine that you and another person are playing a game, but they do not
know what the rules are. Not knowing the rules, this person makes a move
that is not allowed. You then must correct them and explain to them that they
cannot do that. How were they supposed to know that if they did not know
what the rules were?
When it comes to setting boundaries, it can get more complicated. Many of
us do not know our own rules! Someone may do something that makes us
uncomfortable. In response, we may become reactive and get caught up in
our emotions. When we are in this state, we may not be clear as to why we
feel the way we do. By setting boundaries, you will know what your needs
are and be able to communicate them to others. In turn, they will know what
you expect from them.
Creating Your Boundaries
Besides becoming a nurturing parent to yourself, it is just as important to set
boundaries for yourself and find ways to get your emotional needs met. It is
important that you let others know what your boundaries are and that you
enforce them.
If you need to be alone when you are feeling conflict with another person,
you need to communicate that to them. If others do not respect your
boundaries, you must let them know of the consequences should they
continue to not honor them.
When setting boundaries, you must be consistent with them. In other words,
do not compromise your boundaries unless you feel that you are emotionally
safe. Also, it is important that you are respectful of others when imposing
your boundaries on them.
Now that you understand what personal boundaries are, it is time for you to
create them. The following are two exercises for creating your boundaries.
Exercise 1: Create a Plan for Your Boundaries
Directions: Create a list of areas in your life where you need to create
boundaries. Remember, boundaries are intended to keep you feeling
emotionally safe. For example, you may need boundaries when others
discuss certain subjects you are uncomfortable with.
When you create your list of areas, define your boundaries for those areas. If
you need others not to judge you when you share your concerns with them,
your boundary might be something like, "When I share my concerns with
you, I need you to respect how I feel."
The following are some additional examples:

"When we are with each other, it is important to me that you do not

talk about ________."
"When I tell you that I need to be alone, I need you to respect that."
"If you are going to be late, I need you to call me."
Related to setting boundaries is learning to meet our emotional needs.
Sometimes we may develop codependency with others to meet our emotional
needs. Someone may depend on a relationship to feel secure or needed.
When this occurs, our emotional well-being is dependent on whether others
are there for us.
True happiness can only come when we learn to take charge of meeting our
emotional needs. Instead of waiting for someone else to make us feel secure
or needed, we can find ways to experience these feelings on our own. This
brings us to the importance of knowing what our values are.

Values
To become the best version of ourselves, we must learn to live by our values.
Anytime we live in a manner inconsistent with our values, we create
resistance in our lives. If your life is not aligned with your values, start the
process of making changes in your life so that you can start moving toward
greater alignment.
If you currently have a job that conflicts with your values, what can you do to
create the needed changes in your work? Could you conduct your work
differently? Would it require you to take on a different position? Perhaps it
means finding a new job. If your relationship does not align with your values,
what changes do you need to make? Do you need to transform your
relationship or find a new one?
Consider any aspect of your life where you experience a gap between how
you live your life and the values you hold. For you to set boundaries for
yourself, you first need to know what your values are. When asked what they
value, people will often say things like family, country, friendship, or
honesty.
For the sake of this book, values refer to the emotions or feelings that we
want to experience. For example, someone may say that they value family. If
you ask them why they value family, they may say that they value the feeling
of connection that comes with being part of a family. In this example, what
the person is really valuing is the feeling of connection. Family is a way for
them to experience that feeling. In the following exercise, you learn how to
identify your top values.
Exercise 2: Values
Part 1: Identify Your Values
Get your journal or a piece of paper and write down what you value. In other
words, what are the feelings that you want to experience? This first part of
the exercise is a brainstorming session, so just write whatever comes to mind.
The following are examples of values (feelings or emotional states):

Respected
Happiness
Adventure
Significance
Playfulness
Excitement
Peaceful
Connection
After reviewing your list, choose the values that are most important to you.
You can do this by asking yourself, “If I could only choose one value to
experience, which one would it be?” Using the previous example, let us say
that value is feeling respected. Write the number “1” by “respected.” Go to
the next value, which is happiness. Ask yourself the question again: “If I
could only choose one value to experience, which one would it be?”
Look at the rest of your list. If happiness is more important to you than any
remaining items, write the number 2 by “happiness.” If you find another item
more important to you than happiness, write “2” by that item.
Continue with this process for each item on your list until you have your top
ten values. Example: “Adventure” is the next item on the list. You would
check to see if any of the remaining items on the list are more important than
“adventure. “You would write a “3” by that item.
Chapter Writing Prompts
Inner child writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your
subconscious mind and connect with your inner child. When a writing
prompt asks you to write from the child’s viewpoint, try your best to step out
of your adult mindset and try to perceive the situation through the child’s
eyes.
When you have accessed your childhood mindset, write down any memories
you have of the events that occurred at that age. Also, write down any
emotions you remember experiencing that were associated with those events.
When writing, do not think about it too much. Instead, write down whatever
comes to mind. Let your writing flow as thoughts appear. By doing this, you
will gain insight into your inner child’s pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. How can you become more self-compassionate toward yourself?

How could you show more kindness toward your inner child?
2. What anger is your inner child holding on to? What can you do to
release that anger and create an opportunity for growth and healing?
3. As a child, how were your emotions invalidated? What can you do to
validate your emotions and support your inner child’s?
4. What can you do to regain the trust of your inner child? What actions
can you take to build a trusting relationship?
5. As a child, was your voice silenced? What could you do today to
encourage your inner child to express themselves?
6. How can you demonstrate understanding and patience for your inner
child so that it can heal?
7. What could you do to become more vulnerable and demonstrate to
your inner child that it is safe for it to express itself and be authentic?
8. What needs went unmet when you were a child? What can you do
today to start fulfilling those needs?
9. What are your inner child’s fears? Do you retain those fears within
you today? What could you do to address them and overcome them?
10. What can you do to reparent your inner child and provide it with the
love, support, and guidance that it needs?
11. How could you begin to embrace change while supporting your
inner child through life’s changes?
12. What can you do to become more resilient? What can you do to
assist your inner child in overcoming challenges or setbacks?
13. What can you do to set healthy boundaries that will empower you
and help heal your inner child? How can you start practicing saying
“No”?
14. What are the unique characteristics of your inner child? What can
you do to celebrate and honor those qualities?
15. Your intuition is a product of your inner child. What could you do to
honor your intuition and its guidance?
16. What can you do to bring more playfulness and joy into your life?
17. How could you use creative pursuits to bring about healing for your
inner child?
18. What achievements did you have as a child that deserve celebrating?
19. As a child, what were your dreams? What could you do today to
honor those dreams and pursue them?
20. Life is about continuous growth. What can you do to cultivate a
growth mindset? What can you do to teach your inner child that they
can grow?
 Chapter 6: Forgiveness,
Compassion, and Letting Go
Forgiveness, compassion, and letting go of the past are the essence of healing
the inner child. Further, these three qualities are interrelated. In this chapter,
you will learn how to cultivate all three.

Forgiveness
The importance of being able to forgive is widely extolled by spiritual
teachings and mental health experts. The reason for this is simple. Being able
to forgive offers powerful benefits. On the other hand, holding on to
resentments and grudges may lead to complications in our lives. It can affect
our relationships as well as our emotional and physical health.
Numerous studies have linked holding on to resentment with higher risks of
heart disease, increased blood pressure, and cognitive decline.

What Does It Mean to Forgive?

Many people find it difficult to forgive, whether it is forgiving themselves or
others. One reason for this may be a misunderstanding of what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness means choosing to make peace with the past as opposed to
holding on to the need to receive an apology or seek revenge. More
specifically:

Forgiveness does not mean condoning or excusing past offenses by

others or ourselves.
 Forgiveness does not mean forgetting about what happened in the
past.
Forgiveness does not mean tolerating what was done to us or what
we did to others.
Forgiveness does not mean you need to trust those who have
harmed you in the past.
Instead, forgiveness is about purging ourselves from anger and resentment,
which are toxic when we hold on to them. While learning to forgive is not
easy, it is well worth it. Also, learning to forgive takes time, and it occurs in
incremental steps. For this reason, it is important to be patient with yourself
and learn to let go at your own pace.

The Benefits of Forgiving

When we learn to forgive, a powerful transformation occurs. When you have
been harmed by another, holding on to negative emotions such as resentment
or anger can feel like they have power over us. It is a toxicity that eats away
at us both emotionally and physically.
When we learn to forgive, we reclaim our power over the offense that was
committed against us. The following are some of the benefits of forgiveness:

Enhanced mental health

Enhanced quality of life
Enhanced self-esteem
Reduction in stress levels
Reduction in negative emotions
Improved quality of sleep and eating habits.
In addition to these general benefits, forgiveness also offers specific benefits
to the healing process:
The Deliverer of Peace
Being able to forgive will deliver peace to your life and the lives of others.
When you forgive, it invites peace into your life while, at the same time, it
may help others with their self-esteem. The reason for this is that no one is
perfect; everyone makes mistakes.
Sometimes, when we are offended, we forget this and express our hostility to
the other person. When we forgive others, they are more likely to forgive
themselves.
Taking Back Your Power
When we experience trauma from the actions of others, the harm that is
inflicted on us is compounded by our own patterns of self-defeating thoughts
or behaviors. When we learn to forgive, we can take back control of our lives.
Improve Your Connections with People
When we hold anger and resentment toward another, it not only affects our
relationship with them. Our holding on to these negative emotions will also
affect our connection with all our relationships. It may show up as having a
short temper or trust issues. By offering forgiveness, we can strengthen those
connections.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
There are some with whom we may not wish to reconcile as we may believe
that the relationship is not worth it. However, there are relationships that are
worth reconciling. Forgiveness makes that possible.

How to Begin Forgiving

How do you start the process of forgiving? What happens when the one you
need to forgive is yourself? How do you begin the process of forgiving
yourself? The following exercises will show you how.
Exercise 1: The Forgiveness Meditation
The forgiveness meditation can be used to start the forgiveness process,
whether the person you want to forgive is someone else or yourself.

1. Sit in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2. As you sit, breathe naturally. Let your mind and body relax.
3. Place your attention on the area of your heart. Notice the sensations
that you feel there. When we do not forgive, we harbor anger or
resentment. The energy of these emotions fills our bodies, in
particular the heart area. It may appear as a hard, restrictive, or numb
sensation.
4. Feel the pain that comes from having your heart closed.
5. Breathe softly and start offering forgiveness or giving it to yourself.
The following are statements of forgiveness. Choose the one that is relevant
to you and recite it. As you recite the forgiveness statement, allow any
feelings or images that may arise to present themselves to you. Have total
acceptance of them. You can repeat the statements as often as you wish.
The following are the statements:
Asking for Forgiveness for Harming Others
Recite the following:
During my lifetime, I have caused harm to many. I have done so knowingly
and unknowingly. I have done so out of my own pain, anger, fear, or
confusion.
As you recite this statement, recall the ways that you have hurt others. Try to
visualize these situations in your mind. As you do so, feel the pain, regret, or
sorrow that is within you.
When you are ready, release yourself from this burden and ask for
forgiveness. For each memory of you causing hurt to another, ask for
forgiveness.
Forgiving Yourself
Recite the following:
There are many ways that I have harmed or hurt myself. Many times, I have
abandoned or betrayed myself. I have done so knowingly and unknowingly
through my thoughts, actions, or words.
After reading this, get in touch with how precious your body and life are.

1. In your mind, see the ways that you have caused harm to yourself.
Try to visualize these situations in your mind.
2. Get in touch with the sorrow that you have been carrying within you,
knowing that you can release it when you are ready.
3. For each instance that you remember causing harm to yourself,
extend forgiveness to yourself.
4. Repeat the following: For all the ways that I hurt myself through my
actions or inactions or out of my pain, fear, or confusion, I now offer
sincere forgiveness to myself.

Forgiveness for Those Who Harmed You

Recite the following:
There have been numerous ways that I have been hurt, abandoned, or
abused. Others have done to me knowingly or unknowingly through their
thoughts, actions, or words.
In your mind, see the many ways that you have been harmed. As you do so,
feel the pain that you have been carrying all this time and realize that you can
release this burden when you are ready.
Next, say the following to yourself:
I now recall the many ways that I have been harmed by others. They have
done so through their own pain, fear, confusion, or anger. I have carried this
burden within me for too long. To the best of my abilities at this moment, I
offer forgiveness to all those who have harmed me. I forgive you.
Continue to repeat these three statements until you feel the weight from your
heart lifted. For pains that are deeper, you may not experience any release. If
this is true for you, know that this is okay. Offering forgiveness cannot be
forced. It can only occur when you are ready to move on.
Continue to perform these meditations and allow the images in your mind
and the words from the three statements to work their way into your mind.
You can make the forgiveness meditation part of your daily routine.

Embracing Self-Compassion
Compassion is the ability to feel another’s suffering and the desire to help
relieve that suffering. Self-compassion is compassion that is directed toward
ourselves. Compassion is what allows us to connect with others and
experience our common humanity. The following are exercises for cultivating
compassion.
Compassion: Part 1
1. Sit down, close your eyes, and relax.
2. Allow yourself to become silent and observe the thoughts, feelings,
emotions, and sensations that arise within. Allow all these
phenomena to present themselves to your awareness.
3. Think of someone who you love or care about; it can be a person or a
pet.
4. As you think of the subject of your meditation, allow yourself to
reflect on the reasons why you feel the way you do about it.
5. Think about their lives. What hardships did they experience? What
did they suffer?
6. Allow yourself to experience what their suffering may have been like
for them. Allow yourself to experience how they may have felt due to
the challenges they faced. Allow yourself to experience their pain as
you understand it.
7. When you experience their pain, do so with complete acceptance. Do
not try to deny it, change it, or cure it. Allow their pain to be a guest
in your own heart. Allow your guest to fully express itself.
 8. When you feel that you have experienced their suffering, allow
yourself to feel love for the subject of your meditation.

Compassion: Part 2
1. Sit down, close your eyes, and relax.
2. Allow yourself to become silent and observe the thoughts, feelings,
emotions, and sensations that arise within. Allow all these
phenomena to present themselves to your awareness.
3. Now, think of someone for whom you have neutral feelings. It could
be someone you do not personally know, or it could be someone you
know but have no emotional involvement with.
4. Imagine what their life may be like. Imagine what hardships they
may have experienced. Imagine their sufferings. It is okay if you do
not know about their suffering; try to imagine the difficulties that
they may have suffered.
5. Allow yourself to experience what their suffering may have been
like. Allow yourself to experience how they may have felt due to the
challenges they faced. Allow yourself to experience their pain as you
understand it.
6. When you experience their pain, do so with complete acceptance. Do
not try to deny it, change it, or cure it. Allow their pain to be a guest
in your own heart. Allow your guest to fully express itself.
7. When you feel you have experienced their suffering, allow yourself
to feel love for the subject of your meditation.

Compassion: Part 3
1. Sit down, close your eyes, and relax.
2. Allow yourself to become silent and observe the thoughts, feelings,
emotions, and sensations that arise within. Allow all these
phenomena to present themselves to your awareness.
3. Now, think of someone you know who has caused you frustration or
 anger.
4. Imagine what their life may be like. Imagine what hardships they
may have experienced. Imagine what they may have suffered. It is
okay if you do not know about their suffering; try to imagine the
difficulties that they have suffered.
5. Allow yourself to experience what their suffering may have been
like. Allow yourself to experience how they may have felt due to the
challenges they faced. Allow yourself to experience their pain as you
understand it.
6. When you experience their pain, do so with complete acceptance. Do
not try to deny it, change it, or cure it. Allow their pain to be a guest
in your own heart. Allow your guest to fully express itself.
7. When you feel that you have experienced their suffering, allow
yourself to feel love for the subject of your meditation.

Compassion: Part 4
1. Sit down, close your eyes, and relax.
2. Allow yourself to become silent and observe the thoughts, feelings,
emotions, and sensations that arise within. Allow all these
phenomena to present themselves to your awareness.
3. Now, think of yourself.
4. Reflect on how you have suffered in your life.
5. Allow yourself to think of the challenges that you have faced, the
challenges that you are facing now, and the challenges you expect to
face. Allow yourself to experience the pain or fear that comes with
your suffering.
6. When you experience your suffering, do so with complete
acceptance. Do not try to deny it, change it, or cure it. Allow your
pain to be a guest in your own heart. Allow your guest to fully
express itself.
 7. When you feel that you have fully experienced your suffering, allow
yourself to feel love for yourself.

Letting Go
Letting go of the past is never easy, and it can take a lot of work to get there.
However, being able to let go of the past is essential if you are to bring
healing to your inner child and take charge of your life.
The Meaning of “Letting Go”
“Letting go” can have a variety of meanings—some of which are very
profound. However, for the purpose of this workbook, “letting go” refers to
no longer holding on to a painful past.
To let go of the past does not mean to deny that it happened or to forget about
it. Rather, letting go means that you no longer allow the past to dictate how
you live today or in the future.
Letting go is about not allowing your thoughts and feelings to be consumed
by the pains of your past. You acknowledge what happened in the past but
place your focus on what is happening in the present moment rather than
allowing your past to frame the present moment. When you focus on the
present moment, you can direct your future.
Why Letting Go Is Necessary
One of the challenges of being human is that we have a deep need for
certainty, yet life is anything but certain. How many times have you
experienced a situation where your body is in one place, but your mind is
somewhere else? You may be walking along a beautiful beach, but your mind
is on your worries or concerns. If you are focused on your worries or
concerns, you cannot be present. If you cannot be present, you cannot let go
of the past.
The past no longer exists except in our minds, just as the future does not exist
except in our minds. The only thing that exists is the present moment. Our
wounded inner child can still trigger us to react because we are holding on to
the past, though we may be holding on to it subconsciously.
If we acknowledge the past but focus on the present moment, we are letting
go. By focusing on the present moment instead of our painful past, we can
transform our lives. The reason for this is that life offers endless opportunities
in every moment. When we are holding on to the past or our concerns for the
future, those thoughts prevent us from becoming aware of those opportunities
in the present moment. Instead, we develop limiting beliefs about ourselves
and what we are capable of.
Letting Go and Mindfulness
Mindfulness is not just a spiritual or metaphysical practice that is engaged in
by mystics or seekers; it is both a vital aspect of our happiness as well as
being a precious gift that comes with being a conscious being. Without
mindfulness, we cannot become fully actualized human beings; rather, we
become reactive to situations and events. Instead of using our potential to
expand our awareness, we live our lives based on a stimulus-response
existence.
Most of our problems are directly linked to our inability to be fully present in
our lives. Because we are not fully present, we lack clarity of awareness and
wisdom when dealing with the challenges that we face, resorting instead to
imposing solutions that are based on habit, fear, expediency, or rushed
judgment.
To be fully actualized as a human is to be able to access the wisdom and
awareness that are needed to create value, a value that benefits both us and
others. This creation of value can only come from being fully aware of what
is happening at any given moment, both within us and outside us. Without
this awareness, we stumble through life and often create suffering for
ourselves and those around us.
How to Let Go
One of the most powerful ways to let go of the past is to forgive it. The topic
of forgiveness was already covered earlier in this chapter. However, as
forgiveness is such an essential part of letting go, we will continue to discuss
it here. The following are exercises and suggestions for using forgiveness to
let go of the past:
Letting Go by Forgiving Others
There are two basic ways to forgive others. Which way you use them will
depend on the nature of the relationship. The first way involves relationships
that fit the following categories:

The relationship is meaningful to you, and you want to maintain it.

Both parties are aware that there have been hurt feelings.
Both parties would like to move forward together.
This method works best for long-standing relationships where the hurt
feelings are due to forgivable actions.
The second way to forgive others has to do with those situations where you
do not believe reconciliation is possible or do not wish to reconcile with the
other person. Despite this, you retain deep anger for what happened.
This anger you are holding may come from a situation that occurred many
years ago. In such situations, it is important to let go of your anger so that
you can move on with your life.
For this second way of forgiving, you can write a letter to the person who
hurt you.
When writing the letter, it is not for the purpose of sending it but rather to
allow you to express your anger and hurt so that you can release it. It is
important to note that forgiveness takes time. Whatever technique you use,
stick with the process of letting go but be patient with yourself.
Letting Go by Forgiving Yourself
It is not uncommon for people to have a harder time forgiving themselves
than it is for them to forgive others. However, forgiveness always begins with
you. You alone have the power to forgive. It deserves repeating that when we
are talking about forgiveness, we are talking about making the decision that
we will not continue to hold on to our hurt or anger.
If you have trouble forgiving yourself, imagine that someone you love or care
for is going through the same situation that you are. How would you treat
them? What would you tell them? Try to extend the same love and care to
yourself that you would for the other person.
Letting Go of an Insurmountable Past
Many of us have faced challenges that seem insurmountable. Perhaps it is the
loss of a loved one or being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. No
matter how hopeless a situation may be, remember that you are able to decide
how you are going to respond to it. You can either give in to your situation,
or you can decide to move forward with your life, regardless of whether you
have any control over it.
By becoming mindful of the present moment, you can focus on what is
happening now rather than what happened in the past or your concerns for the
future. If you have experienced severe trauma, I encourage you to seek
professional help from a licensed therapist to help you move forward in your
life.
Letting Go of a Past Relationship
When people enter a relationship, they often have expectations for the
relationship. The challenge is that both partners are constantly changing and
evolving.
Additionally, no one is perfect, and it is inevitable that both partners will
make mistakes. The key to maintaining a healthy relationship is for both
partners to acknowledge these things.
When partners hold hurt feelings toward each other, it creates toxicity in the
relationship. If the hurt feelings that one holds toward a partner are due to
actions that are unforgivable, it would be better to end the relationship or see
a licensed therapist. Holding on to past pains in a relationship can only result
in the death of the relationship. Two people may stay together, but there will
be no growth or vitality in the relationship.
For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to be focused on the
present moment. Both partners need to let go of the past pain and focus on
what they can do to nurture the relationship.
Letting Go of Timelines
Most of us have learned to believe in the concept of linear time. In other
words, we experience time as being sequential, where a series of events lead
up to something: that there is a beginning and an end. Because of this, we
view our lives that way.
You can think of your life as a line; there is a starting point, which is when
you are born, and an end point, which is death. Everything that happens
between your birth and death is represented as a point on the line. Learning to
speak, learning to walk, your first day at school, entering the job market, and
purchasing your first home are just a few examples of the dots on the line.
Because of our socialization, many of us believe that we are supposed to
follow a certain timeline. Sometimes we may not follow that timeline, or our
plans do not work out. When this happens, we may feel that we are going
backward or that we are stuck. We may feel that we have failed or done
something wrong. The following are examples:

A person who is married gets divorced, or their spouse passes

away. As a result, they must scale down their living situation
because of their finances.

A person has a successful career when they lose their job due to a
company layoff.
An older adult who has worked all their lives decides that they want
to go back to school.
Situations such as these can lead us to feel that we are going backward or that
we may have done something wrong.
This kind of thinking reflects our belief system, not reality itself. Life does
not follow a straight line. There is a natural ebb and flow in life. Life is about
continuous change, where things go back and forth or up and down. Consider
the change of seasons or the changing of the tides.
The societal belief that the events of our lives should follow a line of
continuous progress is unrealistic. It would be healthier to learn to embrace
change and trust that every new situation provides us with a chance for
growth and to explore our deeper potential and new opportunities.
Instead of viewing your life as a straight line, consider viewing it as a
crooked path where you never know what is around the next bend.
Regardless of what we are experiencing, we are all experiencing life, and
each one of us is following our own unique path that has brought us to the
place where we are now.
From a conventional perspective, taking a few steps backward may cause us
to feel like we have failed or that something is wrong with us. From the
perspective of higher awareness, taking a few steps backward may actually be
a major step in the right direction where you can live the life you truly want
and become the best version of yourself.
Letting Go of Past Perceptions
How you see yourself and your life is determined by your perceptions. In
turn, your perceptions are shaped by your beliefs and experiences. Life is
constantly changing; it would seem logical that our perceptions change as
well. Unfortunately, many of us live out our lives in our comfort zones. We
remain there, where we restrict our lives by exposing ourselves only to the
environments that we are familiar with. We interact with the people and
experiences that we are comfortable with.
Because of this, our perceptions tend to remain largely the same. The danger
of this is that our perceptions do not change with the changing times. Unless
you broaden your experience, your perception of yourself and your world
will remain unchanged. When your life remains unchanged, the issues you
are faced with will remain unchanged as well. For these reasons, it is
important to view yourself and your life in new ways. For that to happen, you
need to let go of your past perceptions.
Letting Go of Past Beliefs
Our beliefs determine how we perceive the world, how we make decisions,
and the actions we are willing to take. If you are holding on to past beliefs
that do not empower you, it is imperative that you let go of them if you want
to achieve the life that you desire. The challenge is that we often mistake our
beliefs for reality.
Beliefs are just an interpretation that we make for ourselves. They are an
interpretation of our experiences, both of our world and ourselves. Because
of this, you have the power to change your beliefs by changing the way you
interpret things.
At the most basic level, beliefs guide us toward positive outcomes and away
from negative ones. If you are afraid of public speaking, it is because you
have the belief that you are not good at it or that you may make a mistake,
which would be embarrassing. In this case, your fear of public speaking is
based on a belief. Your belief is keeping you from experiencing the negative
outcome that you think may happen if you speak publicly.
Now imagine this. What would happen if someone told you that they would
pay you $10,000 if you spoke publicly to a group? This kind of offer may get
you to change the way you feel about public speaking. If you decide to speak
publicly, it is because you have changed your beliefs. You are now focusing
on the positive outcomes that you would enjoy if you agreed to the offer.
This example of public speaking illustrates how you can change your beliefs.
You can let go of a current belief by reflecting on all the ways that this belief
has cost you in your life. As you think about all the ways your beliefs have
created negative outcomes for you, experience them emotionally. Feel the
pain that you have endured for holding on to that belief.
Next, come up with a new belief that will empower you. When you do that,
focus on all the ways that you would experience a positive outcome by
adopting that belief. When you do this, get in touch with the positive
emotions that you feel. If you repeat this process over a period of a few
weeks, your new belief will become your way of thinking. The following is
an example:
Let’s say that you believe you cannot get ahead financially. No matter how
hard you try, you struggle to make ends meet. This belief helps shape how
you see yourself and the life you are living. Because of this belief, you have a
scarcity mindset. You focus on the lack that exists in your world.
Earlier, I mentioned that our beliefs guide us away from negative outcomes
and toward positive ones. If this is the case, then why would you have the
belief that you cannot get ahead financially? While having this belief creates
much negativity in your life, you do gain a benefit from it.
This benefit may be strong enough to keep you holding on to this belief.
Perhaps when you were younger, you were taught that money is evil or that
people who have a lot of money only think of themselves. If you start
focusing on the negatives of holding on to this belief, you will realize that the
negative outcomes outweigh the positive ones.
Let’s say that you develop a new belief, such as “I can change my life if I am
determined.” If you think of all the ways that you would benefit by adopting
this belief, then it will provide you with a new way of directing your attention
and actions. This is why it is important to identify the beliefs that are limiting
you and let go of them.
Exercises for Letting Go
The following exercises will help let go of the past for a variety of situations:
Exercise 2: Letting Go to Live in the Present Moment
In preparation for doing this exercise, I recommend that you set a timer for
five minutes. With practice, you will no longer need the timer.

1. Get into a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2. Place your attention on your breath. Notice the bodily sensations that
you experience as you breathe.
3. Continue to focus on your breathing and the accompanying
sensations. Anytime that your mind wanders, return your attention to
your breath without judging yourself or what you are experiencing.
If it helps you, you can repeat a mantra while focusing on your
breath.
4. When the five minutes are up, pay attention to how your body feels.
Do you feel more relaxed?
5. Record your experiences in your journal.
6. Repeat this exercise daily for a week. If you do this, you will find
this exercise becomes easier, and you will feel an even greater calm.
In the previous exercise, you practiced mindfulness by focusing on your
breath without judging your experience. Happiness comes out of mindfulness
because you are no longer judging. This next exercise also involves
mindfulness. However, instead of focusing on your breath, you will focus on
the world around you.
Exercise 3: Letting Go to Become Happy
This next exercise is best done after you have practiced Exercise 2 for a
week. Exercise 2 was intended to strengthen your concentration, which is
needed for this exercise. In Exercise 3, you will experience happiness by
focusing on the present moment:
Take a 15-minute walk outside. As you walk, focus on the world around you
without any judgment. Look at the sky, trees, cars, or whatever you
experience.
If you find your mind wandering, return your attention to the world around
you.
With practice, you will find yourself drawn to the things that make you
happy.
Pay attention to how you feel when you remain in the present moment.
Notice how a sense of happiness naturally fills you.
Exercise 4: Letting Go to Become Happy (an alternative
exercise)
Exercise 4 is like Exercise 3, but it does not involve walking. It is important
that you perform these exercises with an attitude of openness and non-
judgment. Since the goal of mindfulness is to be aware of the present
moment, do not allow your mind to deceive you with any positive or negative
thoughts that you may experience while doing these exercises. Allow all
thoughts to appear with full acceptance but keep your focus on the exercises.

1. Sit down and view your surroundings, taking your time to take
everything in.
2. When you are ready, close your eyes and allow yourself to
relax.
3. Imagine that you are an alien from a distant planet who has arrived
on Earth to study it. You have no information about this planet, nor
do you have any experience to draw from. Because of this, you are
unable to define, identify, analyze, or judge anything that you
 experience. In other words, you are a blank slate.
4. Now open your eyes and look at your surroundings again. Take
your time.
5. How did your experience observing compare with your first
observation?
If you did not notice any difference between the two observations, practice
this exercise until you do.
Exercise 4: Letting Go of Anger
Anger is a natural emotion that we all experience from time to time.
However, many of us do not handle our anger in a healthy way. We may
express it in a way that we later regret, or we may keep it inside until we
erupt.
Next time you feel anger, take a moment to challenge it. Take time to be with
your anger and examine it. Take thirty minutes just to be with yourself. Ask
yourself what you need to do to feel better about the situation. Perhaps you
need to go for a walk or a run. Maybe it is doing something creative.
Whatever you choose to do, place your focus on what you are doing. Also,
pay attention to what you are experiencing in your body. Are you feeling
more relaxed?
If your mind wanders, return it to the task that you are doing. Do so without
any judgment.
When you are feeling more relaxed, you can determine if the reason for your
anger is something that you can control or if it is something that you should
just let go of.
If your anger is about something that you can control, then develop a plan of
action. If it is something that is beyond your control, then keep your focus on
being in the present moment.
Exercise 5: Letting Go for Self-Forgiveness
Think back to when you were a child and you made a mistake that
emotionally impacted you. Now think of a small child and imagine that they
made the same mistake. As your adult self, what would you tell the child?
How would you comfort that child? What would you say to them? The child
that you are comforting is you—your inner child.
Chapter Writing Prompts
Writing prompts can be a powerful way to access your subconscious mind
and connect with your inner child. When writing, do not think about it too
much. Instead, write down whatever comes to mind. Let your writing flow as
thoughts appear. By doing this, you will gain insight into your inner child’s
pain.
Choose from the writing prompts below and respond to them in your
journal.

1. Think of a specific situation where you had a hard time forgiving

someone. What was the reason that made it difficult for you to
forgive them? How do you feel about it today? Can you forgive them
now?
2. Think about a time when you were forgiven. Who was the one who
forgave you? How did you feel about the situation before you were
forgiven? How can you use what you learned from the situation to
forgive others?
3. What would need to happen before you could forgive yourself? Are
those conditions realistic? Are you being compassionate to yourself?
4. Is there someone you believe you can never forgive? If so, what
could you do to move on with your life and take care of your mental
well-being?
5. Is there someone you need to forgive? Or is there something that you
need to let go of because it is holding you back? Write about it and
why it is important for you to do so.
6. Do you have any unresolved traumas or emotions because you have
not faced what you experienced? What is preventing you from facing
it?
7. What is preventing you from letting go of past events that are holding
you back?
8. Think back to a time when you felt stuck and could not get yourself
to move forward with your life. What did you learn from that
experience?
9. What emotions do you feel when you think about letting go of
painful emotions from your past or your limiting beliefs? What is it
that makes you feel that way?
10. Think of a time when you were able to let go of something that was
holding you back. How did you manage to let go of it? How was
that situation different from the situation that you are struggling with
now?
11. How would your life be different today if you were able to let go of
your painful past?
12. What patterns of thinking or feeling keep you from being able to let
go of your past? What could you do to change those thoughts or
feelings?
13. Think about the regrets that you have. What could you do to reframe
them so that they would serve you by providing you with important
lessons?
14. Identify a situation from your past that still triggers a negative
emotional response today. How could you change the way that you
view the situation by approaching it with understanding and
compassion?
15. What do you need to let go of so that you can live as your authentic
self and live the life that you deserve?
16. What do you tell yourself that prevents you from letting go of your
anger or resentment from the past?
17. Think about an experience that you still hold on to that causes you to
react emotionally in a negative way. If there was something for
which you could be grateful for having that experience, what would
it be and why?
18. How do you hold yourself back from experiencing happiness or joy?
What is causing you to do that? How does doing this help you
today? Is it still worth doing it?
 Conclusion
By completing the exercises in this workbook, you have taken a major step in
expanding your awareness of your inner child. However, this is still just the
beginning. It is important that you apply what you learned from this
workbook in your daily life. Also, revisit the exercises in this book as often
as you feel necessary. By doing this, you will reinforce what you have
learned.
The important thing is to understand that healing your inner child takes daily
work. It is the culmination of all your efforts that will eventually transform
the way that you feel about yourself.
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