High-Conflict Divorce Solutions: Parenting

Coordination as an Innovative Co-Parenting

The purpose of this article is to discuss issues germane to high- According to Elrod (2001), about half of all divorces
conflict divorce and separation when children are involved. It involve children.
explores the negative effects of divorce on children and the parental Although divorce, especially high-conflict divorce, can
relationship as well as the impact of the adversarial nature of the be devastating for the couple involved, the process of their
family court system in the process of high-conflict divorce. Parenting disengagement is only one element of the experience. In a
coordination is presented as a new, multifaceted co-parenting inter-
typical divorce, children may experience family transition
vention to help resolve pre- and postdivorce issues relative to the new
family dynamics. Implications for mental health professionals as
and adjustment issues. Most often, family and schools can
parenting coordinators are outlined, and suggestions for further present a stable force in helping children cope with issues
research are provided. of divorce. In fact, divorce may even be an amicable event
between the parents. Conversely, high-conflict divorce,
Keywords: divorce; high-conflict divorce; parenting coordina- which is hostile in nature, causes substantial emotional risk
tion; co-parenting interventions and psychological harm for children, caused by parental
fighting, custody evaluations, parental alienation, and
ongoing family conflict (Kitzmann & Emery, 1994;
D ivorce and separation are becoming a normative event
in today’s society (Boyan & Termini, 1999) such that
the National Center for Health Statistics (2002) predicts that
Mason, 1999). In addition, high-conflict divorce is marked
by parents’ inability to communicate civilly, long-term
parental battles, and entrenched conflict. High-conflict
43% of current marriages will end in divorce. According to divorce is further characterized by hostility and nonre-
the U.S. Census (2005), 1 out of 5 adults have been sponsiveness to standard resolutions and/or interventions
divorced. Age-group data indicate that the highest rate of such as parent counseling, divorce education, parent edu-
divorce occurs between the ages of 45 and 54. The proba- cation, and so on. High-conflict parents typically engage in
bility of the demise of a first marriage within 5 years is 20%, dualistic thinking (e.g., black and white, good or bad, and
increasing to nearly 33% after 10 years (National Center for all or nothing; Neff & Cooper, 2004). They simply tend to
Health Statistics, 2002). In addition, the length of a first be unaware and have minimal understanding regarding
marriage is short lived, averaging approximately 8 years the effects of their high-conflict behavior on the children.
(U.S. Census Bureau, 2003). In essence, the extreme negative behaviors of the high-
These data portend potential repercussions for the chil- conflict divorcing parents are commonly characterized as
dren of divorced parents. According to Wang and Amato personality disorders (Neff & Cooper, 2004).
(2000), children younger than 18 years of age account for Ultimately, the children and their welfare often lie in the
slightly more than half of all children affected by divorce. hands of the family court judges, attorneys, and custody
evaluators. In addition, the high cost of litigation and court-
ordered family interventions contribute to the financial
Authors’ Note: Correspondence concerning this article should be
stress and strain of divorce. The purpose of this article is to
addressed to Dr. Michelle Mitcham-Smith, Department of discuss unique issues germane to high-conflict divorce and
Psychological and Social Foundations, University of South separation when children are involved. It also offers parent-
Florida, 4202 E. Fowler Ave., Tampa, FL 33620; e-mail: mitcham ing coordination as an innovative co-parenting intervention
@coedu.usf.edu. for high-conflict divorced or never-married couples.

THE FAMILY JOURNAL: COUNSELING AND THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES, Vol. 15 No. 4, October 2007 368-373
DOI: 10.1177/1066480707303751
© 2007 Sage Publications

368
 Mitcham-Smith, Henry / HIGH-CONFLICT DIVORCE SOLUTIONS 369

THE EFFECTS OF HIGH-CONFLICT ultimately the process of separation and divorce, has dam-
DIVORCE ON CHILDREN aging effects on the parents as well. Often, couples who
were once in loving, committed relationships find them-
The impact of high-conflict divorce on children can be selves in a downward spiral of fighting, hostility, and blame.
devastating, traumatic, and extremely stressful (Boyan & Furthermore, high-conflict co-parents may experience simi-
Termini, 1999; Mason, 1999; Ramsey, 2001). According to lar stages of grief and loss experienced after the death of a
longitudinal studies performed by Wallerstein and Blakeslee loved one, such as anger, grief, guilt, revenge, vulnerability,
(1989) at the Center for the Family in Transition, children jealously, and hurt.
can survive divorce. However, they cannot survive
unharmed by the drawn-out, chronic, high-conflict fighting Parental Alienation Syndrome
that occurs between parents in a difficult divorce. The level In highly conflicted divorced or separated couples with
and intensity of conflict between parents during marriage is children, some researchers have referred to one parent’s
indicative of postdivorce hostility and distress, and it is also extreme alienation of the child or children from the other par-
the most significant factor in the adjustment of children fol- ent as parent alienation syndrome (PAS). PAS is characterized
lowing divorce (Boyan & Termini, 1999; Ehrenberg, 1996). by one parent villainizing the other, or target, parent with
Furthermore, the chronic ongoing conflict erodes the rela- unwarranted claims of abuse, neglect, or wrongdoing
tionship between children and between one or both parents (Gardner, 1998; Kelly, 2002). This is often seen during the
(Elrod, 2001; Ramsey, 2001). predivorce stage when negative emotions are apparent. The
Children and adolescents are impacted by divorce in actions by the parents in PAS cases may be devastating to
almost every aspect of their lives. A large body of empiri- the children but also damaging to the normal functioning and
cal research has supported the long-held notion that high- reasoning abilities of the adult perpetrator. According to Stahl
conflict divorce and separation leads to an increase in (1999) and Boyan and Termini (1999), such actions may
social and emotional maladjustment as well as academic include portraying the target parent as dangerous, unneces-
problems in the affected children (Hetherington, 1989; sary, or neglectful; allowing the child to make decisions about
Ramsey, 2001). As compared to the 10% of children from visitations; denigrating the target parent to the child; exagger-
continuously married families who have serious psycholog- ating and discussing flaws of the target parent; disrupting or
ical and social problems, an alarming 20% to 25% of chil- terminating the other parent’s visits with the child; probing
dren affected by divorce will suffer similarly, according to the child after visits to detect “negative” behaviors or occur-
Hetherington and Kelly (2002). rences; creating barriers for phone contacts or scheduled vis-
Factors present in divorced parent families that contribute its; and making allegations of sexual or physical abuse.
to the risk of children developing problems with adjustment
include sustained high conflict between parents, loss of Impact of the Adversarial Nature of Family Court
financial and psychological resources, hectic and confusing According to Kelly (2002), although less than 5% of cus-
visitation schedules, adjustment to parents’ new relation- tody disputes reach the courtroom, the damage to children
ships, abrupt life changes, separation from noncustodial during the ongoing legal process can be detrimental
parent by choice or location change, and a loss of steady (Firestone & Weinstein, 2004) and may entangle them into
parental support and contact (Kelly, 2002). a state of perpetual turmoil within the family (Mason, 1999;
In high-conflict divorce situations, the behavior of the Ramsey, 2001; Wallerstein & Lewis, 2004). Often parents,
parents may lead to feelings of alienation in the parents in an effort to build a winning case, will participate in exag-
within the relationship between the parents and child. In geration and distortion of memories and hurtful slandering
such cases, one parent seeks control over the other by plac- and provide false allegations against the opposing parent
ing the child in the middle and attempting to sway his or her (Kelly, 2002; Ramsey, 2001; Weinstein, 1997). Children are
opinion regarding the other parent, commonly referred to as unwittingly caught in the middle of this drawn-out adversar-
the target parent. Children often exhibit behaviors such as an ial process, during which the best interests of the children
intense dislike or hatred freely expressed toward the target fall to the wayside as lawyers advocate zealously for their
parent, open denigration of one parent and exceptional praise client’s rights and ultimately may cause more harm
of the other, or refusal to visit or contact the target parent (Firestone & Weinstein, 2004). Boyan and Termini (1999)
with trivial justifications (Boyan & Termini, 1999). found that this conflict between parents, when witnessed by
children, may lead to a diminished role of the parent as a
THE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON THE PARENTAL legitimate protector, may complicate the child’s role iden-
RELATIONSHIP tity, may teach ineffective conflict-resolution skills, and may
place the child in a loyalty bind between opposing parents.
Children are not the only ones who suffer the effects of The level and intensity of predivorce conflict is an indicator
high-conflict divorce. The breakdown of a marriage, and of postdivorce communication between the parents and
370 THE FAMILY JOURNAL: COUNSELING AND THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES / October 2007

adjustment and development issues of the children (Garrity negative effects of divorce on children and co-parents, a more
& Baris, 1994). Family functioning in divorced households effective intervention to address these issues is warranted.
is dependant on many factors, including the level of pre- and
postseparation conflict levels between parents (Ehrenberg, PARENTING COORDINATION AS
1996; Wallerstein & Blakeslee, 1989). AN INNOVATIVE CO-PARENTING
Litigation within the court setting has long been the typ- INTERVENTION
ical resolution method in high-conflict divorce cases.
Family courts and related professionals are spending some Even parents who were never married (i.e., common law
90% of their time on the 10% of the population deemed arrangements) need guidance that takes into account more
“high-conflict” (Neff & Cooper, 2004). These parents use than just the individual’s needs but also the needs of the
the courts as a way to control, punish, and publicly condemn entire family unit. A need exists for a new method of inter-
their ex-spouse for their wrongdoings and drag out the legal vention (Johnston, 2000) that blends the role of the court
process to inhibit closure and allow the other parent to move (issuing parenting plans and visitation requirements) with
on from the marriage (Coates, Deutsch, Starnes, Sullivan, & the role of the counselor (a background in counseling/psy-
Sydlik, 2004). Unfortunately, the litigation process creates chology) and the family mediator (encouraging co-parenting
lasting consequences of hostility and resentment for the par- of the shared children and settling disagreements). This mul-
ents and their children (Kelly, 2005). tifaceted intervention strategy should place the focus on
According to current evidence, as many as four postdivorce communication regarding the children rather than parent-to-
motions may be filed for each divorce (Thompson, 2003). In parent issues. Divorcing spouses need help with communi-
addition, couples with children tend to use litigation more cation skills, conflict-resolution strategies, and overall
often than those without children (Tibbits-Kleber, Howell, & parenting skills with regard to the new family dynamic.
Kleber, 1987). The Family Law Supreme Court Steering Parents need to learn how to disengage each other (Garrity
Committee (2003) stated that family law cases account for & Baris, 1994) as they are no longer a couple, but they must
more than 40% of court filings and almost 70% of reopenings. learn how to relate with each other in a different role that is
A cycle of perpetual conflict is created by 8% to 12% of high- positive for the children.
conflict couples who use the court system as a means to con- The rapidly growing popularity of the parenting coordi-
tinue their disputes, often up to 2 to 3 years postdivorce. This nator (PC) (Neff & Cooper, 2004) has arisen from the rec-
vicious cycle tends to deplete financial resources, use an inor- ognized need for a new, specialized form of intervention for
dinate amount of the court’s time and resources, and alienate high-conflict families (Elrod, 2001; Johnston, 2000). The
the ex-spouse as an enemy, eroding positive communication. task of the PC is to facilitate communication between high-
Most important, this cycle places the children in the middle of conflict divorcing couples with regard to the needs of their
a painful clash between parents (Kelly, 2002; Kirkland, 2004; children (Stahl, 1999) and to break the cycle of court
Ramsey, 2001; Weinstein, 1997). motions by difficult families by solving disputes expedi-
Elrod (2001) cited numerous reasons for high conflict tiously (Elrod, 2001). Basically, the PC’s role is to help the
relative to the litigation process. Among them were the parties implement their parenting plan by facilitating the
win–lose nature of the adversarial legal system, the increas- resolution of disputes between co-parents, making recom-
ing frequency of joint custody arrangements (whereby par- mendations in cases of standstill, providing educational
ents are required to have frequent interaction), the vague guidance, and working within the scope defined by the
“best interest of the child” standard, and the underfunded court, making decisions for the parties regarding legal issues
and understaffed court system. (Garrity & Baris, 1994; Stacer & Stemen, 2000).
The past two decades have seen the progressive develop- The PC’s job includes translating and modifying the
ment of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) programs shared parenting plan with minimal conflict, monitoring and
implemented by the family court system (Johnston & facilitating the effective execution of the plan, teaching con-
Roseby, 1997). Typical interventions include litigation, flict resolution and effective communication skills, teaching
counseling, family mediation, and divorce education pro- effective strategies for minimizing parental conflict, helping
grams for parents. Each approach has benefits and detri- parents promote and encourage positive relationships
ments; however, it is becoming increasingly apparent to not between the child and the other parent, and making referrals
only the court system but also to the divorcing parents that for outside psychological help if one or both parents exhibit
these traditional methods are not fully meeting the needs of need (Coates et al., 2004; Garrity & Baris, 1994).
high-conflict families in terms of creating long-lasting posi- Parenting coordination differs from counseling or ther-
tive change (Austin, 2000; Baris, 2001). apy in several important ways, although some aspects are
Because of multifaceted and complex issues with the adver- similar. PC is (a) nonconfidential; (b) mandated or stipulated
sarial nature of the family court system, compounded with the by the court; (c) focused on the child’s needs; (d) led by the
 Mitcham-Smith, Henry / HIGH-CONFLICT DIVORCE SOLUTIONS 371

coordinator, not the participant; (e) directive/confrontational; Weinstein, 2004) to help divorcing couples in conflict re-align
(f) goal-oriented; (g) limited in length; (h) responsible to themselves as co-parents, learn conflict-resolution strategies,
report to the court; and (i) highly structured (Boyan & communication skills, and, ultimately, how to parent with the
Termini, 1999; Garrity & Baris, 1994). Unlike counseling, PC best interest of their children in mind.
requires the helping professional to take on nontraditional
roles including mediator, arbitrator, and coach (Elrod, 2001). IMPLICATIONS FOR MENTAL HEALTH
In contrast to litigation, whereby parents can become disem- PROFESSIONALS
powered to make decisions (Firestone & Weinstein, 2004),
PC helps put the parents back in a decision-making role with The training of mental health professionals uniquely
the primary focus being the best interests of the kids. equip them with many of the transferable skills that are nec-
Professionals who practice parenting coordination should essary for functioning as a PC. The parent-coordination role
possess certain characteristics to be effective. They must be requires the helping professional to be not only a counselor
creative, competent, child-focused, ethical, directive, com- but also an arbitrator, coach, and mediator (Elrod, 2001).
mitted, compassionate, realistic, assertive, diplomatic, law- More important, the mental health professional will have
savvy, confident testifying in court, and effective case to become knowledgeable on family law issues, on how to
managers (Kelly, 2002). consult with attorneys, and about courtroom expectations
During the past few years, parenting coordination has (e.g., how to give expert testimony). Mental health profes-
become increasingly popular and is rapidly growing in use sionals will have to be trained in the parent coordination
as a successful intervention to help resolve pre- and postdi- process, parent coordination techniques, and court-specific
vorce parenting disputes (Coates et al., 2004; Johnston, parenting coordination procedures.
2000; Neff & Cooper, 2004). Some family court judges The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts
value parenting coordination as another venue to resolve (AFCC) Task Force on Parenting Coordination (2006) out-
conflicts, consequently saving the court time and decreasing lined a four-part module for training parent coordinators.
the litigation rates among divorced couples (Coates et al., Module 1 addresses the actual parent-coordination process:
2004; Johnston, 2000). Furthermore, even divorcing couples various functions of the PC, professional guidelines of prac-
themselves are seeking the services of a PC (Coates et al., tice, and issues that are appropriate or not appropriate in the
2004) to reach workable agreements involving the chil- PC process. Module 2 focuses on family dynamics in sepa-
dren, to improve the co-parenting relationship, and to ration and divorce: psychological issues, issues concerning
avoid high legal fees. In addition, the increasing and wide- the needs of children in the divorce context, dealing with
spread use of PCs is evidence of a growing belief that these high-conflict parents, and domestic violence issues. This
mental health professionals can be most beneficial in cases module also briefly noted different co-parenting relation-
of high-conflict divorce when there is a significant chance ships such as cooperative, parallel, and conflicted parenting.
of repeated litigation (Coates et al., 2004). In Module 3, focus was placed on parent coordination
Although empirical research on parenting coordination is techniques and issues: structure of the process, informed
limited, Kelly (2002) referenced one study conducted in a consent/confidentiality limits, characteristics that enhance
California county that seemed to point to the efficacy of PCs or undermine the effectiveness of the PC, and cultural com-
in reducing the number of relitigation cases. In the year prior petence. Module 3 also highlights arbitration procedures
to the appointment of “special masters” (California’s term and decisions and writing and filing arbitration decisions
for PCs), 166 divorcing couples had 993 court appearances. and awards. Module 4 addresses court-specific parenting
The year following the introduction of PCs to the couples, coordination procedures. The Task Force highlighted knowl-
the same 166 cases had 37 reappearances in court. In addi- edge of and adherence to jurisdiction-specific qualifications
tion, the parents reported a decrease in conflict with the of a PC, local/state/province family law in the parenting
ex-partner as well as satisfaction with the PC. coordination process, when and how the PC should interface
Mental health professionals, judges, and lawyers are the with the court, and forms used by the courts.
principal professionals with the greatest power to influence Of all the recommendations made by the AFCC Task
positive outcomes in high-conflict custody cases according Force (2006), Module 4 may be the most crucial in the tran-
to Elrod (2001). Also, these parties are just in the beginning sition to parent coordination, as it focuses on the legal
stages of experimentation with new programs that effec- aspects involved in the parent coordination role. This sug-
tively deal with high-conflict families by placing the focus gests that mental health professionals will have to become
on the children’s welfare (Ramsey, 2001; Stacer & Stemen, well-versed on legal and family law issues..
2000). New collaborative methods, such as parenting coor- High-conflict parents are an increasing population that
dination, should be a focus for these professionals. In warrants specialized attention, beyond the traditional
essence, parenting coordination is recognized by several methods of counseling. As such, family counselors and
entities as a highly valued referral resource (Firestone & other mental health professionals need to increase their
372 THE FAMILY JOURNAL: COUNSELING AND THERAPY FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES / October 2007

awareness and understanding of what training is needed to Ehrenberg, M. (1996). Cooperative parenting arrangements after marital
meet the needs of high-conflict parents in crisis. With this separation: Former couples who make it work. Journal of Divorce &
Remarriage, 26(1-2), 93-115.
said, for mental health professionals to increase their self- Elrod, L. D. (2001) Reforming the system to protect children in high-
efficacy in treating this population, then training in family conflict custody cases. William Mitchell Law Review, 28.
mediation, conflict resolution, chronically conflicted Family Law Supreme Court Steering Committee. (2003). Report of the
divorce, effects of high-conflict parents on children, and 2000-2002 Family Court Steering Committee. Florida Law Weekly, 26,
parenting coordination is warranted. 1-143.
Firestone, G., & Weinstein, J. (2004). Models of collaboration in family
law: In the best interests of children: A proposal to transform the adver-
IMPLICATIONS FOR RESEARCH sarial system. Family Court Review, 42, 203.
Gardner, R. A. (1998). The parental alienation syndrome (2nd ed.). Plain
The incidence of divorce and the potential negative View, NY: Creative Therapeutics, Inc.
Garrity, C. B., & Baris, M. A. (1994). Caught in the middle: Protecting the
effects on children has warranted empirical and theoretical
children of high-conflict divorce. New York: Lexington Books.
attention for several decades (Johnston, 2000; Kelly, 2002; Harris, D., & Roddy, M. (2000). High-conflict custody cases: The English
Mason, 1999). As divorce rates and separation increase, experience, A.B.A. Family Law Section. Fall Meeting Compendium, 964.
invariably the need for mental health professionals Hetherington, E. M. (1989). Coping with family transitions: Winners,
increases. Mental health professionals are trained to deliver losers and survivors. Child Development, 60(1).
Hetherington, E. M., & Kelly, J. (2002). For better or for worse. New York:
specific interventions to respond to the needs of families
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experiencing divorce. However, minimal research has been Johnston, J. R., & Roseby, V. (1997). In the name of the child. New York:
conducted on the effective approaches to address high-con- The Free Press.
flict co-parents when children are involved. Research on Johnston, J. R. (2000). Building multidisciplinary professional partnership
nontraditional, innovative approaches such as parenting with the court on behalf of high-conflict divorcing families and their
children: Who needs what kind of help? University of Arkansas, Little
coordination and their effectiveness to address the unique
Rock Law Review, 22, 453-461.
issues of high-conflict co-parents is minimal. There remains Kelly, J. B. (2002). Psychological and legal interventions for parents and
a lack of empirical research on the efficacy of PC as an alter- children in custody and access disputes: Current research and practice.
native to traditional counseling. For example, research is Virginia Journal of Social Policy & the Law, 10(1), 129-163.
needed to examine specific counseling techniques and Kelly, J. B. (2005). Developing beneficial parenting plan models for chil-
dren following separation and divorce. Journal of the American
strategies as appropriate interventions for high-conflict cou-
Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 19, 237-254.
ples. In addition, research is needed to examine strategies Kirkland, K. (2004). Advancing ADR in Alabama: 1994-2004: Efficacy of
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Solution-focused brief therapy merits attention as an effec- Kitzmann, K., & Emery, R. E. (1994). Child and family coping one year
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the children and the adversary system. Miami Law Review, 52, 133. Wilma J. Henry, EdD, is an associate professor of college student
affairs at the University of South Florida. She has more than 25 years
Michelle Mitcham-Smith, PhD, is an assistant professor of coun- of combined experience in higher education as a student affairs
selor education at the University of South Florida. She has several administrator and professor. Her research interests include student
years of experience as a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family affairs administration and leadership, student leadership, and multi-
Mediator and parenting coordinator working with numerous cultural issues in counseling and higher education.